Chapter Text
April 8th 2000
Mood: /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\
I feel my senses sharpen, like I’ve never been so alert in my life, but I can barely feel my body.
But that’s okay. I don’t need it.
I allow the muscles in what was my tail and paws limpen and but disappear. I can’t even feel if I’m breathing anymore. It’s dark now. I can’t see anything, but not because it’s night, but because there’s nothing to see. I don’t even have eyes anymore. And yet, I feel everything around me. It’s like seeing something other than light with something other than my eyes. I can pick out the energy of dozens of rumbling vehicles, the movement of people in nearby houses, even the tiny heartbeats of rodents scuttling beneath the ground. It’s like everything is laid out to touch with just my mind. It’s exactly like Lya said. She was right. I do have a power.
Has it taken three days of almost non-stop practice to reach this far, or has it been much longer? Has it been weeks? Maybe. Time seems to have lost any meaning. I can stretch out and slow or quicken the energy around me with just a thought. It’s unsettling, but I have to keep focus. I’m doing this for Sam. I’ve never come this close. This place, this almost-space-between-spaces, I guess, is getting more and more to be like where I was with Lya and the Furling. But it hasn’t come easy. I’ve been spending all my free time until now concentrating on getting here. It’s almost like you need to ‘zone in’. Of course, as a cat, zoning out comes more than easily, but this is quite literally the opposite. The level of concentration required is intense, a bit like when I first began communicating with Narim when I’d needed to channel my thoughts and emotion into one single, understandable piece of information for Narim to comprehend. So at least I’ve had some experience to draw on.
But this isn’t about Narim. I have to find Sam and make sure she’s okay, and I’m growing in confidence with every immeasurable second that I can do it. I’m certain Lya told me I can touch the minds of those I love the most, and who do I love more than Sam? Then, if I master the power to do that, surely I’ll be able to find O’Neill afterwards, too, and that’ll make Sam happy again. And if Sam’s happy, then me and Cassie will be happy, too.
So I hyperfocus on finding Sam. I know she’s somewhere in the Mountain being cared for by the doctors, but I can’t make sense of any direction around me. I have no way to orient myself in my current state. I’m bodiless, floating in dark nothingness. But wait, I can feel the sudden conglomeration of a vast amount of energy deep beneath a faraway surface. And then somehow, I’m there. Under the mountain itself. I can feel its vast mass and weight above me now, while an abundance of electrical energy runs down through its depths. And the portal, it’s here. I think it must be on, because it’s pulsing and stretching the fabric of everything around it in an indescribable fashion. The density of energy of the portal’s unlike anything else, and it must been what attracted me, here like a flashing beacon. I can sense many humans around, too. I sense their collective determination.
I try to interpret what’s going on, whether there’s an emergency or if something’s wrong, but then it’s not long before everything seems colder and emptier. I think the portal’s turned off now. It’s still a huge sink, drawing the nearby energy into it like water falling down a drain, but I can pick out the rest of the Mountain more clearly now. I can read the people better… And I’m immediately certain of it. Sam’s mind isn’t here among them.
Is it possible she’s catnapping in the in-fur-mary? Would that stop me sensing her?
No, wait! I’ve found her somewhere else. Not down here, but up the on the surface. Yes! I definitely sense her! And her emotions are, wow, oh my cats- what’s happened? I know these feelings more than well; I’ve experienced this kind of pain myself, and it pains me immensely to know she’s feeling this way too; intense anger, rage, and betrayal… Oh my cats, Sam! Who’s responsible for making you feel this way?! And why is she moving so fast? Is she travelling elsewhere? Could she be in a vehicle? Yes, I think so! But she’s furious! And reckless, too, like she doesn’t even care if she makes a mistake and crashes. She could get hurt, or she could even hurt someone else, too! I relate to the depths of her pain, but she needs to stop! What can I do?
But wait a second, though it’s hard to measure. I don’t need to. She’s already stopped. I think she’s home! I can’t see anything or explain how I know, I just instinctively do! She’s in her house, and I have to get to her!
Suddenly the hammering of my heart returns, thumping against my now-existent chest. Noises- distant yelps and howling- enter my ears. Yes, I have ears again! They prick and strain against my returning fur on my head, and my newfound tail also stands on end as the orange-washed city bathed in the late sun swims into focus.
I’m back on the roof of my house in Colorado Springs, and I have to hurry! Sam needs me!
While I stretch my legs, trying to regain the feelings in my paws to get up, I decide to not bother wasting any time letting Hank know where I’m going. He wouldn’t believe me if I told him how I knew Sam was home, anyway.
Finding confidence in having full control of my body again, I leap down to the window ledge, down to the next, then pounce onto the nearby fence and follow it until I reach the street’s edge.
Hold on, Sam, I’m coming!
***
It’s not long before I’m on Sam’s street. It’s already darkened enormously that the street lights are lit. I spot her badly-parked car on the edge of the road, and dash up her path leading to her front door. There’s no missing the trace smell of her that lingers on her doorstep. I was right! She is here!
My heart thumps my body into action and I race around the side of the house to the back to find my old portal and quickly steal inside without a second thought.
An even stronger wave of her scent hits my nose. Sam! I’m coming! A sound from the back of the house let me know she must be in her bedroom.
I don’t want to scare her. I know she must still be extremely upset, but it’s been months since I last saw her. I need to see her and help her! I just can’t wait any longer!
So I pounce straight through the open doorway into what used to be our bedroom, to where I find her clutching a gun that’s pointed right at me!
I yelp in surprise! She looks wild and hostile, and I meowl in protest, scared for my life, but she immediately drops the weapon the moment she recognizes me.
“Schrodinger?! What are you doing here!?”
She immediately puts away her weapon. She must have thought I was an intruder. Does that mean she’s in trouble? Are the people in the Mountain after her, like when O’Neill, the Allergy man, Narim and I escaped from there and hid here?
I meowl again. There’s so much I want to ask her. To say to her, like, Are you okay? I miss you Sam. I love you. What happened to make you feel such pain?
It seems my meowl is enough, because all the previous anger and shock melts from her eyes, and she kneels to the floor to bend down and scoop me up, pulling me to her as tight as she can. I don’t care that I almost can’t breathe, Sam needs me and I need her.
I feel her quiver beneath me before she breaks into sobbing. She’s crying, and I’m so glad that I can be here for her like this.
“Schrodinger, they’ve given up on him!” she wails into my fur. “They won’t let me continue with my work! How could they do this? How could they send me home for psychological reasons?! There’s nothing wrong with me! And how can they think he’s dead? I can’t wait a year- He can’t wait a year! It’s not fair! He deserves better, after all he’s done for this planet!”
I have no idea who or what she’s talking about, but it’s clear that whatever this is has to be the cause of the betrayal and rage I sensed in her earlier.
It’s clear she’s frustrated and angry at someone, and honestly, I feel an equal sense of frustration. I just wish I could talk to her, and ask her what’s happened. Ask what I can do to help her. Maybe if I try and get back to that almost-space-between-spaces I could reach out and touch her mind again, but the smell and feel of her squeezing and cradling me is far too distracting and comforting. I’ve missed her so much, and there’s no way I would be able to concentrate to reach such a zone right now. I don’t even want to.
We stay in our embrace for a long time. We both needed this.
When Sam eventually stops crying, I look at her and study her reddened, blotchy face. Crying really is such a weird and messy human function. Her nose is all swollen and leaking. But if it makes her feel less upset, then I’m glad it’s something she can do.
I just want to be able to ask her so many things. Where has she been? Where is O’Neill? Is she okay? Can I help? Even whether she knows anything about Furlings… but I can’t.
She gets up and I follow her to the kitchen. She grabs a box of tissues and blows her nose, then prepares herself a glass of water, apologizing to me for not having anything for cats in the house.
That’s okay, I think to her. And honestly, in the rush of zoning in and touching her mind and racing here and hugging her, food is probably the last thing on my mind, anyway.
“I can’t believe you’re here, though. How did you know I was here? Or have you been waiting here all this time?”
Does she really think I’m some pining dog? Though I still appreciate her question. It gives me an opening. She’s asking me questions. Can I ask her one back?
No! I can’t! I’m a cat! The First Law of Cats is to never allow a human to know that we are intelligent, sentient beings. It’s forbidden.
But… and this is a crazy notion… but what if I’m different now? What if I’m not even a cat anymore? Lya called me ’special’, after all. Could I dare try?
I suddenly feel sick and freeze.
“What time is it anyway? I’d better get you to Janet and Cassie’s. They’ll be worried about you if they find you’re missing.”
But I don’t want to go to Janet’s yet. I’m not ready to share Sam.
“No!” I say aloud.
She looks at me, then smiles. What happened? Did she not understand me?
“I don’t have your cat box anymore, would you mind sitting in the back seat of the car?”
“I would mind,” I say aloud again. But she doesn’t react, only reaching down to pat me, while checking her watch. Is all she hears meowing?
My heart hammers. What I’m trying is breaking the ultimate taboo. I don’t even know what would happen to a cat who broke the Law. It’s just so unspeakable, we cats or even dogs don’t even talk about it.
But I want to keep trying. Sam’s here, alone, and I need to know what’s going on with her!
I decide to try something different. I spot the pictures displayed above her fireplace. If I can’t talk, maybe I can show her what I’m thinking. But I can’t reach the photos. So I grab the leg of a nearby dining chair and drag it with my teeth towards the fireplace until it’s within reach, then I leap up on it.
“Schrodinger, what are you doing?” Sam asks.
Good, I’ve got her attention. Now… I don’t know if this will work, but I’m going for it!
I reach up for the photo of her, Teal’c (whom I haven’t seen in too long!), the allergy man (don't purrticularly care for him), and O’Neill. I grab it with my teeth, then bring it down.
“Hey, hey! Be careful with that!” and Sam takes it from me.
I hiss in frustration as she puts it back in its original place.
“O’Neill!” I say, or probably meowl. “Where is O’Neill?”
I leap back up onto the chair and reach for the photo again and leap off the chair with it clutched in my jaw before she can stop me.
“Hey! Schrodinger, that’s glass! You might cut yourself!”
I appreciate her concern, but I’m not stupid. Of course, she doesn’t know that. That's the point. Humans are supposed to believe we’re just stupid animals.
I set it down on the floor gently, then paw O’Neill’s face in the scene. He and his team are all wearing green. I can see lots of trees, so it could be of them in Colorado Springs, but I imagine it’s more likely a photo of them on a mission. I feel a pang of envy for the life he and Sam have. I miss my old team. I miss that feeling of belonging and sense of purpose.
“You’re gonna scratch the glass, kiddo,” Sam murmurs then to my greater frustration she takes the photo away again. Ah! How difficult is it for humans to accept that a cat’s trying to talk to them for once!?
She starts to put the chair back in its original position, and I wrap myself around the chair leg, then heave it back with my body.
“What’s going on, Schrodinger? What are you doing?”
She sounds exasperated, and frankly, so am I.
With great annoyance I repeat the same movements again, leaping onto the chair and grabbing the photo and pawing at O’Neill’s face when I’ve set the photo down.
This time Sam doesn’t take the photo away. She’s crouched down to my level, and is staring at me with her mouth agape, looking weary.
Does she finally realize?!
“Look, I’m probably going nuts here… but are you trying to ask me where Colonel O’Neill is?”
I stare at her. My heart flails with hope and anxiety. Can I? Can I do this? Or will the gods zap me with some bolt of energy for trying? Will my fur all fall off? Will I drop dead if I take this step and break our sacred First Law?
Screw it. What do I have to lose? Cassie and Janet are lovely, but Hank and his Dad are their rightful pets, not me. I’m just a guest, but it can never be long term. There’s no sign of the Furling’s return. The world is safe. So if I’m about to forfeit my life in the hopes of communicating with Sam and helping her be happy, then so be it.
I look Sam right in the eye, and I gulp. Then, with a jolt of adrenaline giving me the courage I need, I move my head and make a deliberate, unmistakable, slow, nod.
I freeze, waiting for the inevitable punishment. But nothing happens. No death bolt. No falling fur. No sense that my life is being forced from my body. I’m alive.
“Did you just nod?!” Sam asks, alarmed.
I nod again, this time with more confidence. My heart is thumping hard. She knows I know what she’s saying. I paw at O’Neill again and meet her eyes, imploring her to understand.
“You want to know where Colonel O’Neill is?"
I nod twice. Thank the cats! She’s getting it!
“Oh boy, I really have gone nuts,” she says, running her hand through her hair. “Maybe MacKenzie was right…”
What? She doesn’t believe what she’s seeing? No, no! Come on, Sam! You’re smarter than this!
I’m not giving up that easily! I'm just going to have to be more obvious. I meowl for her attention then I prod at Sam’s photo, then lift my paw to point directly at Sam. I’m showing that I know who she is.
“Yeah, that’s a photo of me. The crazy person who thinks her cat is talking to her.”
I shake my head, though I feel a jolt of joy at her referring to me as 'her cat'. But, no! You’re not crazy, Sam! Though I might be crazy for expecting this to go easier.
“This is crazy. I’m taking you back to Janet’s. C’mon, let’s go.”
And before I can protest or do anything else to try to reason with her and make her understand that she’s not imagining me communicating with her, I’m being bundled into her car and we’re on the road.