Chapter Text
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Can you ask Daddy if he's got time
To come and look at my front door?
It got slammed last night
And now it don't close right
And just promise that you won’t tell him everything
And keep that pistol in the drawer
Mama, please don’t say
I’m gonna laugh about this someday
You didn’t see the way he drove away
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Carina was in her office trying to get rid of her stress headache. Her research was going nowhere lately, just like her thoughts of a certain blonde. The constant want for something in her life to change was starting to put pressure on her shoulders. The lack of sleep in recent nights not doing much to help either. The only rational thought she’s been able to have is “at least the anger phase is over.”
The anger had caused her to slam her office door one too many times recently, and now it doesn’t close right. For now, she has her door propped open until she can sort it out. Typically, she would see if Maya or one of the guys from the station could fix it for her, but she’s avoiding the station as if it were the plague. She would ask Andrea, but she’s pretty sure he knows how to fix it just about as well as she does.
“Oh! Dr. Bailey, can I talk to you for a minute?” Carina sat at her desk and called for the shorter woman as she passed by her office.
“DeLuca? Everything alright?”
“Sì, but I am having trouble with my office door not shutting right. Do you think Ben could come take a look at it? I would ask him myself but I’m trying to give Maya space.” Carina played with her hands at the end of her statement.
“Oh sure, I’m sure he can find time no problem. Is everything alright with you and Bishop?” Miranda tilted her head knowing the answer.
“Not exactly, but uh- can you not tell Ben? I don’t want him to go into “dad mode” and try to push Maya to talk.”
“M-okay, whatever you say DeLuca.” Miranda gave one of her tight lipped I-don’t-believe-you looks and headed back out to the hall.
“Thank you Dr. Bailey!” Carina called as she left her office.
Miranda just raised her hand and waved off the comment, not turning around. That was one thing off her mind for the day. There were still plenty of other things on her mind to occupy her day. The biggest thing was going to be figuring out how to get the blonde out of her head.
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“It’s not something I’m just going to laugh off one day Amelia, that’s what scares me.” Carina was sat on her couch with the neuro surgeon.
“Like I’ve said many times already, it’s going to be okay. She’s a stubborn woman, give her time and I’m sure she’ll come around and figure out she needs you.” Carina just scoffs at the statement.
“You think I don’t know she stubborn?” She asks incredulously. “I am more than aware of the fact, but I don’t know. You didn’t see the way she turned away from me and went to the room.” Carina took a deep sigh at the memory.
“I may not have seen the two of you argue, but I have seen the way you two looked at each other with the biggest love eyes ever.” Amelia rolled her eyes at the thought of how in love those two are.
“I’m not sure that’s enough this time, that’s what I’m worried about Amelia.”
“Well, do you want that to be enough?”
“I don’t know… I love her, but what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just trust her? She cheated on me w-with her ex boyfriend! Am I supposed to forgive that?”
“Do you want to forgive that?”
“No… yes? I don’t know, maybe? I- I love her Amelia, but that doesn’t seem like something you just forgive and forget.” The brunette sighed heavily, and slumped back against the couch.
“Want my opinion?”
Carina just turns her head to the side and eyes her friend.
“My opinion is, you two just need your time to think this through completely. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, you clearly still want to be able to overlook this and be with her. If given the chance, hear her out, forgive her, she needs patience and time.”
Carina looks back down at her lap, Amelia may have a point. She knew going into this that Maya was broken. Broken or not though, Carina wanted, wants , to be the one to pick up the pieces.
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Can your knees give out from praying so hard?
Can you go blind from crying in the dark?
Was it ever really real
If he don’t feel like I feel?
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From day one of going to Andrew’s apartment, Carina hoped and prayed that this would all blow over eventually. In reality, she wanted to find some magical way to rewind time and make this whole fight go away. Carina had mentioned not being in the mood for fixing broken people when she met Maya. Now all she wanted to do was be able to hold the broken pieces that made Maya who she is and put them back together. If wishes were true, Maya would have never left in the first place, Maya would always be Carina’s “Prince Charming”.
After talking to Amelia the other day, that need for things to go back to the way they were intensified. Carina had fallen back into old habits. She was either staying up till all hours of the night, or crying herself to sleep, thinking of ways that night could have been different. Maya was the world to Carina, but Carina feels like she was just another notch in Maya Bishop’s bed post. What Carina isn’t aware of, is the way this has all be eating at Maya too. Maya’s fear that Carina hated her ate at her from the inside, out. If things were going to get better, one of them needed to break.
“Hey, I was about to head down to the coffee cart, want to come with me and get some fresh air?” It was Teddy who had her head popped into Carina’s doorway.
“U- you know what? Sure, why not.” Carina was going to politely decline, but decided maybe air would be a good thing.
“How are you doing Carina?” Teddy was not going to beat around the bush, if she wanted to know how Carina was doing, she would just have to ask.
“I’m okay, really, I’m doing okay today.” Carina wasn’t sure that sounded convincing even to herself.
“It doesn’t seem like you’re okay Carina.” Teddy sighed as they reached the coffee cart.
“I will be okay though.” The two stood in line, Teddy trying to talk about Carina, and Carina trying to change the topic to work.
“Carina?” It came from behind Teddy, not from Teddy. Carina shifted her gaze to over the doctors shoulder and saw Maya standing there.
“What do you want?” Carina was just putting her broken pieces back together again.
“Im an idiot. You were right, I was abused, my dad was abusive, and that is no excuse for what I did to you. Just please, please, please take me back. I love you, and I’ve never said that about anyone before… except my brother, so it means something. I love you, Carina. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Just, please forgive me?” Maya stood in front of the two women with tears lining her eyes.
“Oh my god, forgive her!” Teddy was stood next to Carina watching their talk go down.
“Oh-“ Carina turned to look at Teddy incredulously.
“Sorry, sorry.” Teddy stepped back.
“She cheated on me with her ex b-boyfriend! A-and then you throw it in my face just to hurt me. And what am I supposed to do now, forget that? Am I supposed to trust you?” Carina turned between the two addressing both of them, anger on her face.
“I don’t know, I don’t know. But I am okay spending every day trying to convince you to.” Maya’s eyes were still glossy with unshed tears as she said that. Carina’s face softening at the same time, as the words hit her.
“Forgive her.” Teddy broke the silence between the two.
“Oh-“ Carina turned to her friend again.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, its just if you love her, forgive her.” Carina had turned from looking at Teddy, to looking at Maya, her face still covered by anger.
Carina stood there silently for a moment, fighting with herself on what to do next. She opened her mouth and then closed it again before finally saying, “I love you Maya!”
She let out a frustrated grunt before whispering, “come kiss me.”