Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tommy's POV

Tommy didn't know why he still tried to keep going. 

It was only getting worse. Everything. He was just destroying his already terrible relationships. 

Phil was rarely ever even home, always pouring his time into work, rotting his days away in the same software programmer's office. Tommy would pack his dad a lunch the night before and leave it in the fridge. Phil never knew who did it but had thanked and even praised Wilbur for the work that Tommy spent his time on. Wilbur said nothing about how he knew that he hadn't made his father anything, just welcomed him like he was expecting it. At 26 years old, Phil had three sons and a wife who had died in childbirth and left him alone. At 37 years old, he was more tired than he ever had been, even more so than when his youngest and final son was born, the morning his wife died. 

And Wilbur was never home either, he was the eldest of the three boys. He was either out with friends, at theater practice, school, or at work. Granted, Wilbur seemed to somehow earn more money in the shabby cafe he worked at than their father did at a regular, full time job. Wilbur was bringing in the most money, therefore, he entirely paid for the groceries, and paid half of the bills while Phil paid the other half. He had raised Tommy and partly Techno. And at twelve years old, Wilbur had been forced into adulthood. At seventeen he could provide for their family better than their own father. 

Techno was a completely different story. Techno spent his time beating the crap out of his friends. In a ring, that is. Techno liked wrestling and even fencing. Techno was only fifteen and there was nowhere in L'Manberg that allowed anyone under the age of sixteen to hold a job. He was really good at his afterschool activities though. And sure, Tommy could only make it to his pink haired brother's matches when they were held at the elementary school, which usually started 30 minutes to an hour after the bell rang. Tommy could always see the way his brother's eyes lit up when he saw his baby brother standing just next to the doorway, backpack slung over his shoulder, blonde hair ruffled and messed up all to hell. Tommy liked Techno, loved him. Despite how he was never at home, he loved him. At ten years old, Techno realized his dad cared more about his job than his son, Techno was the saddest and loneliest he had ever been. At fifteen, he was the quietest he had ever been.  

And Tommy... Well. Too much and not enough stuff was happening at the same time. His life felt bland, boring. Lifeless. Meaningless. His family and friends were leaving him. The moment Phil had gotten a new job and Techno started his own hobbies and Wilbur, his theater and friends, Tommy didn't go anywhere special. Sure he had met Tubbo and Ranboo and they added fuel to Tommy's dying fire, his light. They made everything better. When Tommy hated himself, hated his life, his friends were there to tell him it was okay and that his mind was, and I quote, 'a little bitch who doesn't deserve to have any part in Tommy's life'. But Tommy couldn't help the utter fear that clouded his judgment of his friends hating, despising him as much as his blood family. He knew it wasn't true and when he admitted to his friends of his fear, they were adamant that they didn't hate him, that he wasn't the annoying, selfish brat that everyone had made him out to be. Tommy didn't believe them, but it was nice to hear. 

 And then there was Dream. Fucking Dream. The upperclassman who fucked Tommy's life over. Tommy was nine when Dream had begun messing with him. Bullying him. Torturing him. He would beat the blonde boy to a bloody pulp and say that it would make Tommy stronger. Yeah, of course Tommy knew it was bad. But Dream had threatened Tommy that if he didn't come to practice, he would hurt his friends instead. Tommy couldn't let that happen. About a year or so into the practices, Techno found out. Techno's fencing practice was canceled because the ceiling had a bunch of leaks that were getting fixed. It didn't make much sense as to why they didn't do it over the weekend but whatever. Techno decided to go pick up Tommy from school so they could walk home together. He found his little brother getting the shit beat out of him by some blonde kid who looked to be about Techno's age, twelve or thirteen. And Techno was furious. He stormed up to the kid and kicked him in the stomach. The kid stumbled backwards and fell on his ass.

All Techno saw was red and before he knew it, he was on top of the blonde then two people were pulling him off of the kid, he assumed they were teachers but when he stood up, he brushed them off and sprinted to Tommy's side. The boy had blood rushing down his face, his nose had looked broken, he sported bruises all over his face and the worst part was that he wasn't even conscious. They took Tommy and Dream to the hospital and took Techno to the police department for questioning. 'Why were you there, what is your relation with either of the boys, who hurt who, etc. Then they went to court. That was a few years ago now. It was four months ago that Tommy had made the plan. He had snuck out of his room and went downstairs. And there it was, the treasure. Wilbur's wallet. He knew Wilbur always kept a twenty dollar bill in his wallet, so he opened it and grabbed the money before folding the wallet back up and placing it in the same spot, then he went out to the store. He bought rope. He circled a specific date on the calendar. April 9th. His birthday.  

Theseus had come into this world April 9th. It only made sense to take him out of it on the same day only twelve years later. 

At six years old, Tommy had given up on asking what was wrong in the family. At eleven, almost twelve years old, Tommy felt done with everything. With life. 

The week before his twelfth birthday wasn't spent being far too excited for presents and cake and all of his friends and family coming to celebrate his life. He spent it learning how to tie a noose. That same night, he went to sleep with a noose under his bed, new dancing colors of dark and light red painting his wrists, and tear tracks on his cheeks as he fell into a restless sleep. At twelve, Tommy Kraken-Innit Craft would be hung from his ceiling as decoration. Unbreathing and unmoving.

Dead. 

Of course, no one knew about his arrangement. He planned to keep it under wraps. He figured they would try to get him to change his mind. Tommy told himself that he would do it at 11:19 AM, the exact time he was born. One might say he wanted to align everything perfectly. And yet, to onlookers, it was another ordinary Friday

The teacher yelled at him for nearly falling asleep in class. I'll be gone by tomorrow night.

He failed his algebra test. I'll be gone by tomorrow night.

He spent lunch time throwing up his miniscule breakfast. I'll be gone by tomorrow night. 

Tubbo and Ranboo found him in the bathroom and comforted him. I-ll b- g-ne b- tom-r-ow nig-t.

Sapnap took his phone and- Tubbo snatched the phone from his hands and shoved it back in Tommy's hands before leading him away from the bully.-I-l- b- g-ne b- tom-r--w.

His best friends held his hands and grounded him as he dissociated. I'll be gone.

I'll be gone.

I'll be gone. 

I'll be gone. 

I'll be gone. 

I'll be gone. 

They'll be sad. 

I'LL BE GONE.

Tommy knew his friends and family had their own issues. Ranboo had horrible memory problems and couldn't remember what his parents looked like by the time he had been adopted by Tubbo's parents. Tubbo couldn't read well, sometimes couldn't read at all when his dyslexia was kicking his ass. Techno and his 'voices' as he calls them, the things that supposedly told him to hurt his family and caused him to never think straight. Wilbur's anxiety and depression was only getting worse as time went on, his stresses were entirely centered around making sure his younger brothers got at least a little bit of food every night. Phil... He could never get sleep at night. His boss was an asshole and the only reason that Wilbur was able to make more than his father.

But with Phil's preferences, his mental and physical problems, his children, and simply the way he acted made it near impossible for him to get a good paying job. And Tommy knew that he was trying. He just... Wasn't ever home. And when he was, he was passed the fuck out on the couch. It was around an hour before school was out that his friends could tell something was off with their blonde haired friend when he had snapped out of the dissociation.
"Hey Tommy?" Ranboo had asked. The three friends were still sat on the bathroom floor, to which Tubbo and Ranboo thanked every god that no one had come in when Tommy was out of it. Tommy hummed, still not entirely there yet. Tubbo continued to gently pinch the back of his friend's hand. 

"Is- is something going on? You don't- you obviously don't have to tell us, but we want to make sure you're okay. You're worrying us." The taller friend asked worriedly. Tommy's eyes grew dark. He still leaned against his short, brunette friend who seemed to be growing impatient.
"Fucking- please Tommy. We care about you, we don't want you hurting like this. It hurts us." Tubbo croaked. His eyes were watering. Tommy sniffled and took a breath before letting out a small sob. His friends only looked more concerned. Tommy couldn't- didn't want to answer. Even when his occasional sniffles erupted into painful sobs, he felt like screaming. Everything hurt.

The lower half of his body hurt like hell from sitting on the cold, hard fucking floor for so long. His head was spinning and throbbed, the way his friends looked at him felt like a stab in the gut. His sobs only got more aggressive as time went on. 
His friends looked a bit frantic. But when Tommy felt warm, welcoming arms encircle him, he paused and his sobbing with it. Tubbo's arms trapped him against the smaller's chest as Tommy's sobs increased. He continued to bawl even when another pair of arms wrapped around him protectively. He knew his friends were scared out of their minds but he needed to let it out for a moment, and they were perfectly happy with letting the blonde do so. He wailed into his friends arms as they held him tight. They knew something was wrong with their usually energetic friend. 

They can't do anything to stop me... 

Tommy thought about the rope under his bed, the razor blade taped to the back of the cabinet in the bathroom. The other razor pushed to the back of his dresser drawer and the one in his nightstand. The nights he spent crying himself to sleep. The same nights he wished he would just keel over and die already. Because his life wasn't worth living. If no one wanted him there, what was the point in trying to stay? He felt like shoving his friends away from him. But what if he didn't go through with the plan? What if he pussied out? His friends would hate him for pushing them away... 

Right?

He just felt so tired. It was a struggle to do anything at this point. He had to force himself to get out of bed every day. It wasn't even just most days anymore. It was just every fucking day. It felt like the world was weighing down on him, breaking his bones, putting so much pressure on him that it felt like his eyes would pop out of his head. It felt like his head was going to explode. He had stopped crying already and he'd gone back to that numb, terrifying state. Not the dissociation, just how he felt regularly. His friends sat and pinched the back of his hands gently as he spaced out. They only continued to do it to ground him in case he slipped into dissociation again. He could already feel himself slipping back into it as he heard Tubbo mumble something to Ranboo. The taller friend nodded his head and rushed out of the bathroom with his stuff and Tommy and Tubbo's things.

Soon enough Ranboo was gone and Tommy could hear Tubbo talking. He couldn't understand what in the fuck his friend was saying to him. Not yet anyways.
"...ommy. Tommy, hey come on, let's get you to the office yeah?" The brunette suggested. Tommy groaned and shook his head as his friend gently took hold of his arm and carefully pulled him up. Tommy made a futile attempt to push his friend away, but Tubbo just readjusted his gentle but firm grip on his friend's arm and pulled him out of the bathroom.
"Where are we going?" Tommy mumbled in question. Tommy could feel the eye roll from Tubbo. 

"The office, I told you that Toms." Tubbo said. He looked hurt by how Tommy had already forgotten. But Tommy was barely even there yet, and Tubbo knew he couldn't blame it on him. Within a minute or two, the office was in sight. And Ranboo was stood in front of the main desk. Behind the desk, the receptionist was on the phone with someone. Ranboo looked very invested in what she was doing. Soon they were opening the door and Tommy already felt like he was slipping again. Before he knew it, he was sat in the chair and Tubbo was gently pinching the palm of his hand. Ranboo was stood just off to the side looking concerned. Him and Tubbo were talking, but it just sounded like static to Tommy. Then he faintly heard the school's main door opening and closing before the office door opened and closed. There were a new pair of shoes in front of him.

Wait, he recognizes those shoes. They are one of the several pairs of shoes that are sat next to the door at home. But that doesn't make sense, Phil is at work, Techno is at school, and Wilbur- doesn't have school today or work, that's right. He could hear people talking, just faintly. An older woman, the receptionist. A young, American kid, Ranboo. A young, British kid, Tubbo. A young man with a thick, almost posh sounding, British accent, Wil. Wilbur was here. Tommy hummed, cutting off the receptionist as she tried to say something. It felt like seconds after that Wilbur was crouched in front of Tommy with a small, warm smile. It felt like everything else faded out when Wilbur spoke. 

"Hey Toms, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm pulling you out of school for the day okay? We'll go home and you can rest for a bit." Wilbur informed. Tommy absentmindedly gave a small nod. Wilbur saw it though. As everything unfocused again, Wilbur went up to the desk and began talking to the receptionist. Within moments, Tommy felt two people carefully hug him, and when he came back to, Tubbo and Ranboo were gone. Wilbur was in front of him, sliding his hands into Tommy's own to help him up. Tommy stood on shaky legs and leaned on his brother instinctually. Soon enough, Wilbur was helping Tommy into the passenger's seat of his car. Wilbur handed him the tangle he kept in his glovebox. Tommy heard one of the back doors open and close and then a blanket was draped over him. He hummed in slight recognition. Wilbur would take it.  

Tommy found himself drifting off as soon as Wilbur started the car. And soon enough, the blonde was asleep. 

Wilbur's POV

To say Wilbur was concerned to get a call from Tommy's school the day before the youngers birthday was a bit of an understatement. It was about a year or two ago when Tommy needed to enroll for the new school year that Wilbur would put down his number for an emergency number instead of Phil. And it wasn't because Phil didn't care, it was that his boss wouldn't even dream of letting him off for a moment to let the man pick up his son from the school. When the school called Wilbur saying that Ranboo had come to the office and told them that Tommy had dissociated in the bathroom, Wilbur was worried. He had been sat on the couch, working on some homework from school. He hadn't had work because his boss had given him the day off and because of home stuff, Wilbur didn't have school on Fridays and even got out of school early on Mondays and Wednesdays.

He would be able to work, shop, do his homework and even his half of the bills. The school told him that Tommy had just gotten into the office with Tubbo's help. He was apparently still not entirely there, but a bit better. When Wilbur put his shoes on and grabbed his keys, he hung up his phone after saying he'd be there in about ten to fifteen minutes or so. Wilbur got in his car and started it before pulling out of the driveway. What Wilbur would give to punch Dream in the mouth as hard as he could for doing this shit to his baby brother. Wilbur thought as he pulled into the school's parking lot. He hated that man. He wasn't even a man though. He was only twelve when he did that shit to Tommy. He was the same age as Techno. He should be somewhere around the age of fifteen now. While Tommy was eleven and he'd be twelve tomorrow.

After Techno beat the shit out of the older blonde, Tommy and Dream had been sent to the hospital. Both boys were being watched under the careful eye of the police. Techno did his best to not kill the boy. Dream wouldn't stop fighting him. And every time Techno had knocked him to the ground, he would attempt to rush to his little brother but Dream would pull him back. Eventually, he got a good grasp on how Dream fought and began pummeling the boy into the ground. After the two had been pulled apart by two teachers and three students, Techno sprinted to his baby brother who was entirely unconscious. Techno felt like sobbing as silent tears fell down his face. The teachers could see it in his eyes, it was an act of self-defense. And defending his little brother. 

The court case had gone well for the Crafts. They had found out that Dream had been doing this for a year or so. Techno was let off with a bit of a slap on the wrist because the ordeal of Techno attacking him was in defense of himself and his brother. Dream had been sent to a mental institution several hours away from L'Manberg even traveling by car. Somehow, police didn't know that Dream's parents had abandoned him and his little sister. When Dream was told he'd be leaving L'Manberg, he raged. Yelling that they couldn't do that, to which the judge had told him it was for his own good. But being sent away in general wasn't the reason he was upset, it was because his sister would be alone. Everyone was surprised when he said their parents were out of the picture. So when Dream was sent away, the court had no choice but to put the young girl into foster care. To which Dream was obviously pissed about, he knew what the foster system was like, it was the reason he had decided to do things on his own.

But she was put in an orphanage despite Dream's protests and cries. So Techno got a slap on the wrist, Dream was sent to a mental institute and had his sister taken from him, while Tommy was let go without anything. Which obviously, yes he was a victim in this, but Wilbur and Phil had expected him to have court ordered therapy. Something of which they couldn't give him themselves, they didn't have the kind of money for it. So Tommy was left with the memories of what the boy did to him and had to work through it on his own. He was adamant in not telling his family about anything that happened. Which was frustrating, obviously, they wanted to help him. But he wanted to do it by himself, which honestly hurt the family a ton. The denial of help led Tommy to having these episodes. They had researched them and found that it was called dissociation and it developed through childhood trauma, a coping method. Yep, that could probably be the reason this was happening. 

Wilbur opened the door to the school and saw Tommy sitting in the office immediately. Tubbo was sitting next to him, gently pinching the palm of his hand as he sat silently. Wilbur walked in and saw Ranboo stood at the front desk. He turned to the right a little and saw Tubbo and Tommy. He turned back to the receptionist.
"Yeah, I'm pulling him out for the day, got something I need to sign or anything?" Wilbur asked the woman at the desk. She nodded, reached to another desk and grabbed a clipboard before placing it in front of the brunette.
"Just the sign out sheet. Other than that, you should just need to grab anything from his locker." She said. Wilbur nodded before turning around and crouching in front of his brother to look at him. He smiled at the delirious boy.
"Hey Toms, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm pulling you out of school for the day okay? We'll go home and you can rest for a bit." He said. He saw Tommy give the slightest little nod before he stood back up and got to signing the paper. Ranboo cleared his throat.

"Hey Tubbo, how about we go get Tommy's stuff from his locker?" Ranboo suggested. Tubbo looked hesitant about leaving his friend who looked like he had slipped again. But the brunette sighed and nodded, standing up and walking out of the office with Ranboo who held the door for him.
"We'll be right back." He informed. Wilbur nodded absentmindedly as he finished signing the papers. He sat the pen down on the clipboard before the woman took them both. He turned back around and sat next to his brother. He took a hold of his hand and just held it.
"Hey Toms, if you can hear me, just know that I'll try my hardest to keep you from floating okay?" Wilbur said. Tommy squeezed a little, but other than that, he said nothing. In the time that they waited, Wilbur shot a quick text to their father and their other brother telling them that Tommy was being taken home. 

It didn't take long for Ranboo and Tubbo to get back with Tommy's stuff, Wilbur took it before the two boys hugged Tommy who was too out of it to understand what was happening. Soon enough they said their goodbyes and thanks to Wilbur and left. Wilbur had a bit of a hard time getting Tommy into a comfortable position in his seat in the car. He also opened his glove box and grabbed a tangle before placing it in Tommy's hands then opening the back door and grabbing the blanket off of the seat. He closed the door again and then covered his little brother up with it. Wilbur always kept two blankets, two pillows, a whole fuck ton of fidgets and other things in his car. He kept multiple blankets and pillows in his car for a reason. What if someone wanted to sleep in the car? Bam, blanket and pillow. Multiple people wanted to sleep? Bam. But he also kept multiple for cases like these.

Both Tommy and Techno had autism. Well Tommy had autism and ADHD. So one of the blankets was a soft one with very specific materials while the other was a soft, weighted blanket. Tommy didn't like the weighted blankets. He said they made it hard for him to breathe and also made him feel claustrophobic. While Techno adored the weighted blanket. Tommy couldn't stand certain materials and thought some felt scratchy, like microfiber. The fidget toys are always there for anyone who wants to use them. He keeps a small bin in the back on the floor that is just big enough to push under the seat that he uses for trash. His anxiety plans for every possible outcome of everything. By the time they had been driving for ten minutes, there was one thing his anxiety hadn't planned on. Tears. He hadn't planned on crying. He was crying.

Why is he crying? He had no reason to cry. He sniffled and swiped the back of his hand under his eye so he could still see. He let his arm fall on the console. He was surprised to feel a hand grab his own. He glanced over to Tommy who had his hand on Wilbur's. When had he woken up? He was already fidgeting with the tangle. Tears. He was crying too. Wilbur quickly pulled off to the side of the road so as to not crash. Wilbur reached over to his brother's face and looked at his eyes, they were still a little unfocused, but he could tell he was fully coming out of it. He placed a warm hand on his cheek.  

"Hey Toms, can you hear me?" He asked, attempting to keep calm. There were still tears running down their faces. Tommy squeezed his brother's hand.
"Mm, sort'f" He mumbled. 'Well, it's better.' Wilbur thought. He nodded and grabbed his brother's hands and pulled them close. Wilbur sniffled.
"Okay, can you uh- can you name three different things you can see?" He asked. Tommy hummed a little.
"You, the dash of the- the car, and uhm. I can't- can't name anything else. It's all blurry." Tommy stumbled through talking. Wilbur nodded.
"Okay, that's okay, it's fine. Can you tell me three things you can feel?" The brunette asked. Tommy looked like he was struggling to name them.

"Your hand. U-uhm, my c-clothes? And the uh- uh- the air- air conditioner. In my face. Feels like I- can barely breathe." He breathes out. Wilbur mumbles a quiet curse and turns the air conditioner down before moving the two pointing at Tommy down just the smallest bit so they are out of his face. 
"That last one was a good one, I didn't think about it, good job Toms." Wilbur praises. Wilbur finds that it hurts to see just how happy the praise made the blonde. Wilbur continues to have him name off three things he can hear, one thing he can smell and one he can taste. 
"Hey, how about we get home, mkay?" Wilbur suggests. Tommy stares out the window before nodding. Wilbur pulls back onto the road and they continue on to the house.  

When they get home, Wilbur really isn't expecting to see their father's car in the driveway. Wilbur gets out of the car and Tommy follows, throwing the blanket in the back of Wilbur's car again but keeping the tangle and taking it inside. Wilbur really doesn't mind. When they got inside, they really didn't expect to see the living room spotless, save for the few stains that would never come out of the couch and the rug. But other than that, everything seems to be straightened up. Wilbur pauses though when he sees a picture that's sat on the coffee table. A picture of mum. The picture that Phil had taken into his room soon after she had died. She died when giving birth to Tommy. Which Wilbur knew he felt guilty for. But they still hadn't managed to get it in his head that it wasn't his fault. While Phil had taken down the pictures in the house, he left one on his bedside table.

When Wilbur had asked him if Tommy could have one, he asked why. Wilbur told him it felt wrong for Tommy to not even know what their mum looked like save for a few terribly taken pictures on Wilbur or Techno's phones. When Wilbur told him this, he felt horrible for doing that to his youngest. But he didn't want to see her anymore than maybe once a day for he felt his heart would shatter more. For Tommy's fifth Christmas, 'Santa' had given him two pictures of his mother. Even though they both had the little note from Santa that all his presents had, he still stood up and ran into Wilbur's arms. It was safe to say that that day ended with a lot of happy tears. 

Wilbur kicked off his shoes next to the door with Tommy who copied him. Wilbur began to pull his coat off.
"Dad?" Wilbur called after he tossed his coat on the rack and began to walk further into the house, Tommy stayed behind him, looking around in what seemed like wonder at the clean house while absentmindedly tugging on the tangle in his hands. There was a loud crashing noise from the kitchen. The two brothers became more alert immediately.  

What if it's an intruder?!

It's not a fucking intruder, do you see our house? Who would be stupid enough to break into a house that looks like this? 

Touche

Wilbur and Tommy cautiously creep into the kitchen despite this thought. They kind of didn't think that they'd see their father on the floor with spilled, wet cake mix and a metal bowl on the floor. 
"Son of a bitch."Phil muttered under his breath before seeing two pairs of shoes and jumping about five feet in the air. Tommy snorted lightly. Wilbur raised an eyebrow, amused. Phil quickly stood up and hid the painfully obvious pack of candles on the countertop. Clearly Tommy was still a bit out of it and managed to not notice it. 
"Wil! Toms! Wh-what are you two doing home?" The father squeaked. Wilbur looked unimpressed. 
"I texted it in the group chat." Wilbur deadpanned. Phil looked a bit confused.

"I dissociated in the bathroom, Tubbo and Ranboo found me and took me to the office where Wilbur was then called. He got there and I don't really remember much but he pulled me out then suddenly we were in his car then we were pulled over and crying on the side of the road." Tommy piped up. Phil nodded absentmindedly. The two older men were surprised that Tommy would talk that much after dissociating. 
"A-ah. Are you uhm- are you okay now?" Phil asked. Tommy shrugged, still burning a hole into the floor. Phil grabbed a paper towel and cleaned off his hands before walking up to his youngest son and gently placing his hands on the sides of his head and kissing him on the forehead. He draws back slowly and looks at his son, eyes softening. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there to pick you up myself Toms." He whispered. His son's eyes carefully traveled up and looked into his father's blue ones. Tommy acknowledged the apology before nodding. Tommy sniffled as he tugged at the tangle.
"I'm going to uhm- I'm gonna go up- up-" He stuttered out. Wilbur nodded hurriedly. 
"Yeah, how about you go try to get some sleep or something, try to relax, please." He urged. Tommy nodded and walked upstairs quickly. 
Wilbur looked back at the mess his father had made. He raised a brow and looked at Phil who was now looking in the same direction.
"What in the fuck were you trying to do?" Wilbur asked the blonde. Phil sighed. 

"I was trying to make a cake so we wouldn't have to make or buy one tomorrow. I've already got his presents wrapped, I just need to do this and get the decorations out, but I think I'll do that tonight when Tommy's asleep." Phil informed. Wilbur picked up the bowl off the floor and grabbed the spoon with it, he started scooping out the chocolate mix into the trash can. 
"I can help you set up the decorations tonight." Wilbur suggested. Phil shook his head as he cleaned up the spilled mix on the floor.
"Nope, you need sleep bad Wil. I'm not taking that from you. You can wake up earlier tomorrow if you'd like but you better fucking sleep tonight." He demanded. Wilbur rolled his eyes as he cleaned the bowl in the sink. He thought about something he hadn't asked his dad yet.

"Hey, how come you're home so early?" Wilbur asked his father. Phil's face brightened as he straightened up.
"You know how I was trying to get the other job? The one with better hours, better pay? Yeah, well I got the job and I start on Monday." He said happily. Wilbur was still confused.
"I mean, yeah that's great but what does that have to do with you being home right now?" Wilbur asked his father. Phil grew sad. 

"Ah uhm. Well I was- technically- fired. Honorably discharged, in a way. They said that I did great work there but not good enough and that I wouldn't be able to hold the new job and the current one. I mean, it's fine because I was getting ready to leave there anyway because I didn't want to be too stressed out with two jobs at once." Phil was quick to say. Wilbur was still upset.
"They fucking let you go?" The brunette yelled. Phil winced and made a hand motion, telling Wilbur to keep his voice down. 

"Yeah, yeah they did, but like I said, it's okay because I was going to quit anyways. They said farewell, we wish you the best." He insisted. Wilbur looked annoyed.
"Sure, okay, yeah but that goes on your work history. People can see that when looking into hiring you Phil." Wilbur reminded. Phil nodded.
"Yeah, I know that mate. I'm trying to be optimistic, at least I now have what will hopefully be a better job. I'm hoping it'll pay more and I can get way more time off. I don't want to show that I'm upset about anything." He said as he began to wash his hands.
"How are you not upset?" Wilbur demanded. Phil looked at his son with a serious expression.

"Because I don't want your baby brother scared. I don't want Tommy to dissociate because of me. And I want him to have at least a decent birthday." He said. Wilbur looked down a bit ashamed, in a way. 
"Right. Sorry." He apologized. His father looked at him with a tired expression. 
"You're fine mate." He insisted. Phil took a breath and leaned against the counter, the two didn't say much of anything for a moment. Then Wilbur cleared his throat. 

"I can go get some more mix when I pick up Techno. Is there anything else you need?" Wilbur asked as he put the bowl on the rack and dried his hands off with the towel.
"Oh, do you know if Tommy still likes curry? I was thinking of making that for tomorrow night." He said. Wilbur nodded and unzipped his jacket. 
"Yeah, he still likes it. Do you need anything for it?" The brunette asked. Phil nodded and grabbed a piece of paper on the counter. He looked at it quickly before handing it to Wilbur.

"I need the stuff on that paper. Some of the things are just extra things that we need anyways." Phil said, wetting a rag and wiping the counter down. 
"Cool. I'm gonna go now. I'll go to the store and- do you want anything from McDonalds? I'm gonna get Tommy and Techno their usual." Wilbur said. Phil tossed the rag back on the faucet. 
"Yeah, can you get me the same thing as normal?" The father asked. Wilbur nodded.
"Yep. So store, McDonalds, then high school. Cool. I'm gonna check on Tommy before I go pick up Tech." He said, walking out of the kitchen and going upstairs. 

Inhale. 

Exhale.

Wilbur knocks.  

No answer. 

He knocks again. 

No answer. 

"Tommy? Are you okay?" He called through the door. He was getting worried. Until he heard a grumble on the other side of the door. He also heard the sound of someone moving. 
"Wut?" A voice called from behind the door, hopelessly muffled. Wilbur definitely doesn't think Tommy would do something stupid when by himself. Thank fuck he answered.
"Can I come in? Or at least open it and stay at the door frame so I can stop talking to an inanimate object?" Wilbur called. He heard another muffled groan. He'd take it as a yes. He opened the door and saw his little brother laying in his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. All though it did look like he threw on his hoodie in a hurry. Wilbur leaned against the door.
"So? How are you feeling?" Wilbur asked. Tommy shuffled a little bit and took a deep, yet shaky breath.

"Mmh. Better. Still in and out of it. Are you going somewhere?" He asked. Wilbur could see the blonde grasping his bed sheets as if attempting to keep himself grounded.
"Yeah I'm gonna go pick up Techno, get some stuff Phil needs, and get some McDonalds." He informed. Tommy shook his head slowly and hummed. Wilbur looked around his room.
"Mind if I come in real quick?" He asked. Tommy shrugged a little and nodded. Wilbur stepped in and looked around as if he hadn't been in there a while. He looked at the closet.  

"Do you mind if I get in there real quick?" The brunette asked as he points at the closet door. Tommy shrugs and nods. Wilbur opens the closet door and looks around for a moment before seeing something on the floor. He reaches down and picks it up, when he turns back around, he is holding a stuffed cow. He had forgotten it was three fucking pounds. It was a weighted cow toy that Phil had gotten Tommy when he had been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD when he was around five or so. And while Tommy didn't like weighted blankets, he loved weighted stuffed animals. Wilbur walked over and handed the stuffed cow to Tommy who was already holding his arms out. 
"I figured you'd need a friend. And I figured he wanted to have a friend too." Wilbur summed up. Tommy rolled his eyes ever so slightly.

"Yes, hello Henry, but I'm not a child anymore Wil." The blonde said. But even though he said it, he still smiled lightly and held the cow to his chest. Wilbur smiled and turned around. 
"Well I'm gonna go get groceries, food and a certain brother of ours. Are you sure you'll be okay?" He asked hesitantly. Tommy nodded.
"Yeah, I'll be just fine." Tommy assured. Wilbur still looked like he didn't want to leave but nodded.
"Alright, be sure to yell if you need anything, Phil's downstairs. Bye, I love you." He said. Tommy nodded.
"Love you too." The blonde said. Wilbur nodded again and turned around, closing the door behind him. 

Wilbur didn't even notice the blood on his baby brother's wrists.

Phil's POV

Wilbur had left about twenty or so minutes ago. And Phil decided to check on Tommy. He walked upstairs and knocked on the door. No answer. He knocks again. Still no answer.
"Toms?" Phil calls out. Still no answer, though there is what sounds like someone making a small humming noise. Phil knocks again. No answer.
"Tommy? Hey, I'm gonna come in okay?" He calls. No answer. Phil slowly pushes the door open to see nothing out of the ordinary. Until he sees Tommy's bed. His son is sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall, looking like he was in another world. Or high. Phil slowly walked up to his son and sat on the bed. Tommy's eyes are entirely unfocused, like he was...

"Toms? Hey sweetheart, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm gonna lay you down okay? And I'll keep you from floating around too." Phil says. Tommy just keeps burning a hole into his bed as he looks at his hands shakily. Phil gently takes hold of his upper arm carefully moving him so he wasn't leaning against the wall. He places a hand on the back of his son's head as he slides his other arm under the boy's legs and places them on the bed. He carefully lowers his head onto the pillow. Phil lays his son down and takes ahold of Henry before placing him in Tommy's arms again. Then he gently grabs his hand and messages, gently pinches and plays with his knuckles. Anything to keep him grounded.  

The two were sat there for a while. Phil keeping Tommy grounded as the blonde hummed every so often, showing Phil that he was there and that the dissociation wouldn't be as bad as normal. Phil couldn't help the few tears he shed while comforting his son. He was the reason Tommy was like this. He hadn't realized soon enough that the beatings were happening, and even then, he couldn't provide Tommy with the proper help he needed after the traumatizing event. Phil knew he fucked up big time. How in the fuck would he fix this? Phil felt Tommy squeeze his hand very lightly.

He looked up and saw his son who was looking at his father. Phil could faintly tell that behind the fog in Tommy's eyes that he was coming out of it. Phil wiped at his eyes quickly but he didn't expect his son to shakily collapse against him with the closest thing to a hug that he could muster. Phil smiled lightly and chuckled quietly, wrapping his arms around the blonde.
"Thanks bubs. You here enough for me to start asking the questions?" The older blonde asked. Tommy hesitantly shook his head and hummed. Phil nodded and carefully wrapped his arms around his son protectively. Not to where it was too tight, but enough to keep the younger close to his chest and help ground him.

"Okay, that's just fine, I'll keep you here until you're ready." He said before placing a light kiss in Tommy's hair. It wasn't too long later when Tommy hummed and mumbled his father's name. Phil snapped to and asked him the questions. Five things you can see, three things you can hear, etc. When Tommy could speak in full sentences again, they heard the front door open and close. They hadn't quite realized how long it had been since Wilbur left. Tommy's stuffed cow wasn't even warm anymore. Phil gestured to Tommy's bedroom door and the younger blonde stood and followed his father out. 

When the two got downstairs, they saw Wilbur putting groceries away in the fridge as Techno was attempting to figure out who's food was who's. The pinkette looked up and waved to his little brother. Tommy smiled lightly and waved back to the man. Wilbur was struggling to find a place to put certain things in the fridge so his father stepped over to help. Tommy began to help Techno sort through the food. 
"So I hear you came home early?" Techno asked. Tommy looked at him and nodded. Techno noted the silence.

"Want to tell me about what happened?" He asked. Tommy shrugged and began signing to his brother. The whole family had started to learn sign language after Techno had gone entirely silent for three days straight. They asked his old therapist about it and she said that it was normal for a neurodivergent kid to have silent days, even if it happened for several days straight. When Techno was younger, they had gotten him a therapist because of his sensory issues as well as anxiety, but after about a year of him going, they couldn't pay for it anymore as it was just too much money that they didn't have. So the family learned sign language. An easier way to communicate if they didn't feel like talking. And Tommy started doing that far more often after the ordeal with Dream.

"Dissociated multiple times. Still feel like shit. Don't want to talk." Tommy signed. Techno nodded and grabbed the McDonalds bag, throwing it in the trash.
"Makes sense. Let me know if you wanna steal any of my fidgets. And if do want to talk today, I'll listen, not good at advice though." Techno said. Tommy smiled and nodded before mouthing 'thank you'. Techno nodded himself before handing Tommy his food. He took it and walked to the table. 
Phil, being the doting father he is, didn't let the younger kids clean up after.

They all had wanted to help, but Phil had brushed them off and given excuses for them all. Wilbur had been doing too much recently. Tommy's practically been dissociated the whole day. And when Techno said, 'What about me?' Phil shrugged and said, 'I don't fuckin know uh Autism? Good enough answer?' Phil had said with a smile. Techno snorted lightly and shrugged before grabbing his McDonalds cup and took a drink before walking upstairs to his room. And as Wilbur stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, Tommy tapped on his father's shoulder. Phil spun around, brandishing a smile. Tommy spread his arms open. An invitation. Phil's smile seemed to get a little brighter.

Phil opened his own arms and Tommy crashed into him. Tommy loved hugs. He would never admit it because he was, and I quote, 'a big man that needed no one'. But Phil took him in his arms without hesitation or question. Phil placed a light kiss in his son's blonde hair. Tommy carefully pulled away but still stayed in his father's arms as the pair's blue eyes fell on each others. Phil smiled.

"I love you Toms, you know that?" Phil whispered. Tommy smiled and nodded before making a heart with his hands. Phil chuckled a little and kissed his son on the head again. They heard a gag next to them. They looked in the direction and saw Wilbur stood there with a look of fake disgust. Tommy smiled before walking over to his brother and doing the same thing he did with his dad. He opened his arms. Wilbur scooped his brother up into his arms. Tommy squeaked before letting out a small laugh. Wilbur confidently walked to the couch and dropped him on the cushions. Tommy laughed more as Wilbur hugged him tight. 

"Love you bubs." Wilbur insisted when he got a good look at his brother's face. Tommy smiled and shoved his face into Wilbur's chest. Wilbur let out another laugh and hugged him again. The two separated and smiled. Wilbur let his little brother get up off of the couch. Phil was already cleaning off the table. 
"Going to bed night." Tommy signed. Wilbur smiled and nodded.
"Night bubs, I love you." He said with a smile. Tommy nodded before heading upstairs and closing his door.

Tommy was talking to his friends on the phone when it happened. Well Tommy wasn't necessarily 'talking' he was texting over the chat in discord.
"So you are sure you're okay now?" Ranboo's distorted voice asked. Tommy laughed a little and nodded before typing.
"I'm just fine big man, if I wasn't okay, I wouldn't be here right now would I?" He messaged. The two read the message. 
"Tom, if you were fine, you would be talking right now." Tubbo bounced back. Tommy playfully glared at the camera. Ranboo nodded.
"He's got a point Tommy." He whispered.

"What, do I have to talk?" The blonde typed. Tubbo rolled his eyes. 
"He's got a point Tubbo." Ranboo said. Tubbo looked a bit frustrated.
"Who's side are you on?!" Tubbo yelped. Ranboo and Tommy laughed. Right as he laughed though, Tommy felt an odd burning sensation in his throat. Like he was going to throw up. 

"Tommy? Are you okay?" He heard Ranboo ask with concern in his voice. Tommy stood up and rushed out of the room even as he heard his friends' worried yelps. He bursted through his bedroom door and went into the bathroom before collapsing in front of the toilet and letting it out. Tommy wondered if Techno could hear him, he was the only real night owl in the house, minus Tommy staying up late sometimes. Vomit continued rushing out of him at a rapid pace, he barely got any time to take a breath before he was going for round 3 of throwing up. It took an uncomfortably amount of time for Tommy to stop throwing up. That goddamned McDonalds was the only thing he had eaten for days, and of course it had to be fast food, just the cherry on top to send him retching in the toilet. Tommy was shivering and sweaty at the same damn time.

He knew it wasn't him being sick, it was just his body rejecting the unusual amount of food he ate. He sat there for ten minutes or so before he had decided he stopped throwing up. He flushed the toilet before carefully standing up. He stood in front of the sink and looked in the mirror. He had tears rolling down his face. He wiped them away before turning the sink on. Water immediately began rushing out as he soaked his hands and scrubbed at his face, taking in the lovely feeling of the cool water on his face. Tommy grabbed the plastic cup sat on the sink and filled it up. He swished some of it around in his mouth in attempt to wash out the taste of bile in his throat. He spat the water out and repeated the same process before beginning to take small sips of the water. He sat the cup down and leaned against the sink, just taking in breaths. After a minute or so of doing that, he decided he should be good enough to go back to his room.

Crap, he totally forgot about Tubbo and Ranboo, they were probably freaking the fuck out. He rushed back into his room to see his friends still sat in the call, mics and cameras off. But the moment Tommy showed up on screen, they turned their cameras and mics on. Just like Tommy thought, they looked worried. 
"Tommy are you okay? You just left, what happened?" Tubbo asked hurriedly. Tommy did his best to hide the fact that he just threw up and he even cleared his throat and spoke, even though his throat was on fire. 
"M'fine." He said, a faux smile covering his face. Tubbo scrunched up his face. 
"I'm surprised you're talking already." He admitted. Tommy shrugged.

"Eh, guess I just needed some time to not talk for a bit. Anyways guys, I think I'm going to go, real tired, y'know? Uh, night." Ranboo looked like he was going to say something, but Tommy left the call. Tommy took a shaky breath and got off Discord. Tommy sat in his chair, just staring off into space. Not dissociated, just spacing out. He spun around and looked at his bed, then looked lower and saw a rope sticking out from under it ever so slightly. Tommy was shaking, he took another short breath and stood, walking to his bed. He pushed the rope further under the bed with a nudge of his foot before promptly collapsing in his bed. He couldn't stop shaking. And he really thought about pulling the noose back out and- but he couldn't bring himself to. He did look over at his nightstand though. He took a deep breath. And reached over and opened the top drawer before reaching to the back and pulling on the razor, ripping the tape that held it there. He didn't even close the drawer as he pulled withdrew his arm from it. He shook, and nearly even dropped the small blade.

11 more cuts.
Tommy cried himself to sleep.

The next morning...

Tommy unfortunately made the mistake of not covering up the cuts from the night prior. When he woke up, the crusted over blood that painted his wrists was latching onto his sheets, trying to make them begin to bleed again. Tommy winced and carefully pulled his arm away from the blankets. He reached onto his nightstand and pulled his phone off of it. He turned it on. 9:46 less than two hours. If everything goes correctly, Tommy will be dead within the next hour or two. He looks at his door. Should he go downstairs? Or stay in here?

Chapter Text

This is the order of chapters:

Chapter 3 - Bittersweet (Good/Bittersweet ending) - Posted 11/29/23
!!!TW!!! Su!c!de attempt, self-h@rm wounds/scars, therapy, su!c!dal thoughts, failed su!c!de, hyperventilating, body horror, dissociation, panic attack, eating disorder, negative self-talk, aftermath of self-harm, and depression (obviously)

Chapter 4 - Lonesome (Medium/Sad Ending) - Not Posted
!!!TW!!! Su!cide, mention of self-h@rm, bloody wounds, depression, visiting a cemetery, guilt, grief,

Chapter 5 - Anger (Bad/Dark Ending) - Not Posted
!!!TW!!! Arguing, su!cide, survivor's guilt?, visiting a cemetery, grief, panic attack, depression, 

Those trigger warnings will change as I make the endings. 
As of August 21, 2023, none of the three endings are finished.
As of November 29, 2023, one of the endings are finished.

Also, the good ending and bad ending will have the EXACT same start. As in I copy/pasted them. I will tell you when they change though.

Chapter Text

He thinks maybe it's a good idea to head downstairs. If he stays in his room, he'll just end up feeling anxious and queasy. With a shaky determination, he throws off his blankets and stands up. Tommy absentmindedly scratches at the dried blood on his wrists, deciding it can wait to be cleaned. He quickly slips on his red jacket, zips it up, and grabs his favorite cuddly cow plushie, Henry, before snatching his phone from the nightstand. As he takes the first step downstairs, he can hear voices emanating from the kitchen. Checking the time on his phone once again, he sees it's already 9 AM - no wonder his family is awake. He continues his descent down the stairs, pleased to see that the living room has been tidied up. Approaching the kitchen, he spots Wilbur and Techno perched on the stools in front of the counter, while Phil stands on the other side, resembling a friendly bartender. Catching sight of Tommy, Phil looks up from his task and grins warmly.

"Good morning, Tommy," Phil greets him cheerily. Tommy responds with a little hum as he joins Wilbur on one of the stools. He settles Henry on his lap while Wilbur turns to him with a smile.
"Happy birthday, Toms. Do you want to open your presents now or later?" he asks. Tommy pauses, confused. Presents? Why does he have presents? Shrugging off his surprise, he replies nonchalantly,
"Might as well do it now." Wilbur's smile widens as he presents Tommy with an envelope. Tentatively, Tommy takes it from him and slowly opens it. Inside, there's a red card bearing the words "Happy Birthday Toms." Tommy looks up at Wilbur hesitantly, only for Wilbur to encourage him with a gentle nod. Carefully removing the card from the envelope, Tommy discovers that it plays a song when opened, and there's a twenty-dollar bill tucked inside. Tommy grabs the money and places it on the counter, his smile hidden as he clears his throat. Unbeknownst to him, Wilbur's face is beaming with delight. Tommy reads the heartfelt message written in the card, "Thank you for being the silliest and most amazing little brother. Happy Birthday, Toms." As the song continues playing, Tommy happily tunes out everything else.

I think I've lost my mind
Blurring the fact and the fiction
Whilst simultaneously fixing
Myself up with a girl named Panadol
Bite the tablet, elixir
Disintegrate, mouth's a mixer-

Tommy looks up at Wilbur, confused, but Wilbur looks giddy.

I think I've lost my mind
I think I've lost my mind

If I could just break one more night
Maybe I could wake up and feel alright
My optimistically set alarm clock time
Serves only to mock me with flashing lights-

"It's my song. The one you had been asking about. It's finished." Wilbur says with a smile on his face. Tommy looks up with wide eyes and then looks back down. Wilbur frowns a little and begins to fidget.
"Do you not like it? I um- I'm sorry, I didn't know if you were still interested in hearing it; I just thought that-" Wilbur's rambling gets cut off by Tommy attacking him with a hug. The brunette looks a little stunned before bringing up his arms and wrapping them around the younger. 
"Thank you," Tommy whispers in his ear. Wilbur closes his eyes and smiles.

"You're welcome, Toms." Tommy pulls away and smiles at his brother. Techno places a small, plastic bag in front of Tommy. It's red and has a lighter red tissue paper peaking out from the top with a red envelope sticking out, it says Theseus in Techno's loopy, fancy writing. Tommy is a bit surprised that he went so far as to add tissue paper. Techno shrugged. 
"I didn't want to just give you a card and some money. See, that would be very lazy of me." He turns and playfully glares at Wilbur. Wilbur snorts.
"In my opinion, it's better and easier to give someone money to spend on whatever they want rather than risk the possibility of getting them something and then they end up not liking it." Wilbur insisted. Techno shrugged again. 
"Fair enough, but still lazy." Techno grins lightly, Wilbur sticks his tongue out and blows raspberries, Phil chuckles and shakes his head and Tommy is still sitting there listening to the brothers uselessly bicker. Phil looks at the youngest and smiles.

"Go on and open it, Toms, don't mind them." Phil urges gently. Tommy smiles and pulls the envelope out before deciding to open the bag first. He places the envelope on the counter and pulls the tissue paper out of the bag. He sees a few small toys in the bag. There is a small cube that he picks up, yep, an infinity cube. He picks up another cube, but this time it's a fidget cube. The bag has several more fidget toys in it that he doesn't care to get out right now. He looks at Techno and smiles. 
"Thank you." He says. He is hesitant to hug his brother, considering the older one doesn't really like physical touch. Techno rolls his eyes with a smirk and opens his arms, the two wrap each other in a tight hug. They disconnect and Tommy picks up the envelope and rips into it before pulling out the card. It's just a regular piece of paper that's folded like a hamburger. Tommy snorts a little as it says "Happy Birthday?" in Techno's pretty handwriting on the front. Tommy opens it and there lay ten dollars in fives, he takes the fives and places them with the twenty dollar bill. He looks back at the card, "I may or may not have forgotten to get a card so this hopefully works." Wilbur looks at the one with pink hair.

"How did you remember to get an envelope but not a card?" He asks. Techno rolls his eyes.
"Listen, not all of us are as perfect as you." Wilbur looks exasperated, thinking about the conversation from earlier.
"Wha- but you were just going on about-" Wilbur gets interrupted.
"So Tommy what does the rest of it say?" Techno asks. Tommy smiles and looks back down at the card. "I don't really know what to say. Uh, you can be a bit of a little shithead at times, but I can deal with that because I love you. Happy birthday Theseus. -Technoblade" He finishes reading and looks at Techno. Tommy smiles and thanks him as Phil places two things in front of him, a plate of food and another card. He'd probably just throw the food back up, so he just grabs the envelope first. He tears it open and pulls the card out. It just says Happy Birthday in a pretty font. He opens it and grabs the hundred dollar bill that is sat inside, before he can marvel at it for too long, he places it on the counter. He reads the card, "Happy Birthday Toms! I didn't really know what to get you, but I hope this is good for you. Happy birthday Tommy. -Dad" Tommy looks up at Phil with a smile.
"Thank you." Tommy doesn't really know what to say. Today was supposed to be a sad day, his last day, his family is making it happy and part of him can't stand it while another part of him yearns for more of that affection. He wants to tell himself that his family cares and that they would help if they knew what he wanted to do to himself. What he already does to himself. Phil pushes the plate closer to Tommy. He can't help but feel a gag trying to reveal itself. It's not that the food looks unpleasant, matter of fact, he's sure it tastes wonderful, Phil has always been an incredible cook. But the smell of food, the idea of having to eat it makes him want to throw up and paralyze him until he's bent over the toilet, two fingers down his throat as he vomits up his insides. He can't imagine eating it. So against his better judgment, he pushes the plate away a little. Phil frowns.

"I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back." He announces before grabbing Henry by the body then standing up and leaving to go to the bathroom. He can feel three pairs of eyes burning a hole into his back as he walks away. Upon entering the bathroom, he immediately locks the door. And takes a deep breath. Breathing the same air as his family was suffocating him, knowing what he had planned. His family actually got things for him. Not much, but still things. Even with them not having much money, they still got him stuff. He mostly just came into the bathroom to get away from the food, but he definitely needed a breather. This is fine. People usually give gifts to you when it's your birthday. Why is he so surprised? Tommy leans against the wall and carefully slides down it til he's sitting on the floor. The stuffed cow falls onto its side next to the blonde, and Tommy forgets about it. He brings his arms up and stares at his wrists which are both covered up by his hoodie sleeves. What would they do if they saw them? How would they react?

Oh my god, Tommy. Are you okay? Why would you want to do that?!

Of course, you would do something like that, attention seeker.

Don't make us out to be the bad guys! What if someone saw this out in public? What would they think of us?! Your family?

Stop faking it, I bet that's just fucking makeup, isn't it?

No, there is nothing wrong with you, you just need to get outside more.

I'm so sorry Toms.

Okay, he had to take a breath. He was freaking out over nothing. His family would never say such horrible things to him. Right? Why was he so sure that he was wrong about that fact? Wilbur is constantly stressed already. Techno is an Autistic, burnt-out, gifted kid. And Phil... God he was trying. He was trying so much that it hurts to know how shitty he gets treated at work. God, Tommy doesn't deserve to be upset about his life. He could have it so much worse. 

Untreated PTSD, horrible trauma, Autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, dissociation... Those don't sound horrible to you?

Maybe he deserved the shit he's been through! Because he's- he's a brat and- and spoiled and entitled and annoying and needy-

And a kid.

He's a kid. 

He's an eleven-year-old kid.

About to be twelve.

It's his job to be annoyingly lovable, and needy and to act entitled. He's fucking eleven and the youngest. He's supposed to be the annoying little brother everyone acts like they hate. But they would still die for that child. He- he doesn't deserve it. Any of it. Tommy can feel tears rolling down his face at the pace of a snail. He slaps his hands over his eyes and begins rubbing at them as he sniffles. He presses the heel of his hands to his eyes as more tears pour out. He has to calm down. He can't back out there until he is fine again. He quickly pushed himself off of the floor and stumbled to the sink as he took shaky breaths in and more tears leaked. He turned on the water and dunked his head under the water. Scrubbing at his eyes until they are red. He rises up, coughing a little and panting. He slowly turns the water off. And takes deep breaths. He's hyperventilating, he thinks. He is. The walls are closing in. They are? Everything is too hot and too cold at the same time. It is? His shirt and jeans are so scratchy. Why?

He can hear Dream. But he's not here? His ears feel like they're ringing. It's constant. His chest is tight. It's getting worse. Tommy pushes the faucet handle all the way onto the cold side and throws his head under it. Suddenly the walls go back to normal, he can't hear Dream even the ringing in his ears is gone. His clothes are still a bit itchy, and he still feels hot and cold, but that's probably him being close to sensory overload already. He just breathes as the water rushes down his head, past his ears and into the sink. Then he turns off the sink once again and takes a deep breath. He waits to see if it will get bad again. When nothing happens, he pulls the hand towel off the hanger and scrubs his hair with it. He breathes out as he wipes his face off.

Then Tommy hangs the towel back up. He turns around and catches Henry in the corner of his eye. Tommy walks over and picks the small stuffed cow up off the floor. Its beady black eyes stare at him before its neck goes limp under his fingers. Tommy smiles at the plush, looking over the stains and small tears that have been carefully sewn back together when it was still newer and Tommy was much smaller. Of all the toys and things he had when he was little, this is the only one that hasn't been lost under his bed, sold in garage sales, taken by some kid in a park, or otherwise. He likes Henry. Tommy hugs the small stuffed cow to his chest and inhales as his hand falls on the door handle. 

Exhale
He opens the door. 

On the other side of the door, his brothers are sitting on the couch poking and prodding at each other and their dad is putting plastic wrap over the top of Tommy's untouched plate of food. Like he was going to ever eat it. When the bathroom door closes, his brothers look up from the couch and stop their fighting. Tommy walks over to the couch and plops onto the comfy cushion, as far away from his brothers as he possibly can be. Wilbur and Techno looked at each other.
"You alright Theseus?" Techno questioned from the other side of Wil. Tommy nodded as he looked down and began fiddling with Henry's ears.

"Yeah, just uh, had to use the bathroom." Lying. He's lying. He wonders if they can tell. He wonders the last time they were able to tell. He's never really liked lying. He's doing it anyway. Wilbur looks a little worried as he tangles his fingers together
"Were you? You were in there for a while." He asked. Was he? Tommy didn't even know how much time had passed while he was in the bathroom. He was a bit busy trying not to hyperventilate to realize how long he was in there.
"Uh- yeah, sorry didn't uhm- didn't feel great." He stuttered through the sentence. His brothers looked concerned as Tommy messed with the cuffs of his jacket sleeve. Phil clears his throat from behind them. Tommy turns around as Phil places the plastic-wrapped plate into the fridge.

"How do you feel now?" He asked, turning to smile at his son. Tommy could see the worry in his eyes, he shoved his hands in his pockets and hesitantly nodded.
"Uh- Yeah, yeah, fine." Tommy hurriedly said as Phil turned and began washing off a pan he had just used, "Sorry about the food by the way." Tommy tacked on quickly. Phil looked up almost immediately.
"No, no it's fine! It's in the fridge if you want to heat it back up and eat it." He insisted. Tommy nodded slowly. Holding Henry close to him, he begins walking towards the stairs. 

"I'm going to go take a shower, I won't take long." He informs his family. Before they can say anything else, he's rushed upstairs and already closed the door to his room. He takes a breath before walking to his dresser. Tommy pulls out a simple red and white shirt and a pair of jeans before pushing the drawer closed. He opens another drawer and grabs a pair of underwear before shutting the drawer. Tommy glances down at the plush still in his hands before placing it on his bed. He sighs before carefully opening the door to his room. He checks either side of the door for anyone, but he can still faintly hear a conversation going on downstairs. He rushes into the bathroom and closes the door before locking it. He takes a breath before exhaling, walking over to the sink and tossing the clothes just next to it. He gets his clothes off and steps into the shower. He twists the handle of the faucet as the hot water begins to beat down on him. He lets his hair grow soaked as he just stands there for a short time. Tommy looks down at his wrists. The water causes the cuts to sting a little. He begins the rub lightly at the crusted blood, he winces but grows happy as the blood flakes off. Then he grabs the shampoo and scrubs it into his hair and continues his shower. He begins to float slightly. 

He ends up coming to on the floor of the shower. He looks at his hands to see if his fingers are pruned like grapes. Luckily, based on his very lightly pruned fingers, he doesn't think he was in for very long, but he quickly shuts the water off and gets out. He grabs a towel and scrubs his hair with it before tying it around his waist. He glances in the mirror. His baggy eyes, gaunt cheeks, and long hair glare at him insulting him, telling him to give up now, don't wait. Even a scar on his collarbone from where he tried to self-harm. It was incredibly bloody and he had passed out, he never tried that again. He grabs another towel and covers the mirror with it. Tommy quickly shuffles his clothes on before putting his towel away and grabbing his phone. 10:41, about an hour. What does he do until then? He opens the door and walks downstairs. Wilbur is sitting in the middle of the L couch, looking at his phone, and Phil is sitting next to him looking at his laptop. Techno grabs a deck of cards from the game box on shelf and pushes the box back into the lower shelf cabinet. As Tommy walks down, Techno catches his eyes before looking away in discomfort.

"Hey Theseus, we're about to start a game of BS, want to join?" Techno asks as he pulls out the cards and grabs the two Joker cards that have been conveniently placed in the front of the box. Tommy shrugs.
"Sure," Tommy says as he walks over and plops himself in the corner of the couch. Techno sits on the floor in front of the coffee table and begins shuffling the cards. Wilbur puts his phone under his leg as Phil looks up at Techno shuffling. 
"What are you guys playing?" Phil asks curiously. Wilbur looks over at his father as Techno pauses.
"It's called BS, aka, bullshit. Apparently, it's called things like Cheat and I Doubt it in some other places. But basically, Techno is going to deal us the whole deck, minus the jokers of course. Then, whoever is to the left of the dealer, which would be Tommy, would place down an Ace. Then I would place a 2, you 3, etc. But, the whole deal is, what if you don't have the card needed? Well, you have to lie. Like, let's say I had to place down a 7. But I don't have a 7, so I lie and place down another card, like a 5 or something. Then let's say you suck ass at lying, like Tommy-" 
"HEY!" 
"-if you don't believe him, you can say BS or bullshit. Then, if you are right, Tommy takes all the cards in the pile, if you are wrong, you take all the cards. Oh, and you don't have to place down one card. If you have two fives, you can place them both down, just to note though, there are only four of each card in the deck. And it goes, Ace, 2, 3-10, and then Jack, Queen and finally King and after that, it repeats. I think that's about it. Oh, and the game ends with the first person who has no more cards." Wilbur attempts to explain. Phil mostly understands.
"How about we play and if I don't understand something, you can explain?" Phil suggests as he closes his laptop and puts it on the end table next to him. Techno nods.
"That works." He finally begins dealing the cards. Once Tommy gets his cards, he begins looking at them and finally finds an ace and places it upside down on the middle of the coffee table.

The game circles a few times before Phil looks hesitant. 
"One seven." He carefully places his card down, attempting to place the card down without the others seeing it. Tommy risks it.
"I call bullshit." Tommy swipes the card up and reveals a nine. Phil groans and gathers all the cards in the pile as Tommy cheers. On Tommy's nine, he has to lie and place down a three. No one catches him and he is internally proud of himself. The family continues for several rounds, Phil brought out some snacks, and Wilbur turned on Star Wars as background noise. Yes, they were playing BS while listening to Anakin and Obi-Wan's fight.

As Tommy is pulling out a card, Wilbur is staring intently at Tommy's hands, Tommy thinks he's cheating. 
"Fuck off man! You're looking at my cards!" Tommy yips as he hides his cards. Wilbur stares at his hands. Wait, he- he isn't looking at Tommy's hands. More like his arms. His wrists- fuck-

(After this line is where the story changes in the bad ending.)

"Tommy-" Wilbur starts but is quickly interrupted by Tommy.
"I don't c-care about your excuse, you were trying to look at my cards!" Tommy says, hurriedly adjusting his sleeves and trying to hide the scars. But it was too late. Wilbur had already seen it. Phil had already seen it. Hell, maybe even Techno saw. Tommy is so screwed. Phil hesitantly extends a hand toward Tommy, concern evident in his voice.
"Tommy, can I see-" his voice wavers as Tommy rips his arms away and hugs them to his chest.
"N-No! No, you can't. I-" Tommy stammers, but cuts himself off as he drops his cards. His family sits there, unsure of what to do. It's all so sudden. Or was it? Maybe it had been building up for a while, just hidden from everyone's view. Has Tommy been dealing with this alone? Oh god, how long has this been happening? Tommy quickly pushes himself off the couch and rushes to his room, accidentally colliding with a table on the way, stumbling on the stairs, narrowly avoiding crashing into a wall. It isn't even time yet, he's still roughly twenty minutes off, but he doesn't care, he can't risk having to explain this to them. What will they think? Oh god, he knew this would be bad, he knew he would be fucked if he told them, why did he let Wilbur see the fucking scars?!

His family hurriedly follows him up the stairs, calling out his name with worry in their voices.
"Tommy!" Wilbur screams. Phil yells after him, Techno following closely. This is one of the few times Techno has ever been truly scared.
"Tommy, please!" Techno yells, desperate to reach him.
Tommy slams his bedroom door shut but regretfully forgets to lock it. He quickly grabs the noose hidden under his bed and hastily sets it up. Grabbing his desk chair, he rolls it under the rope and shakily climbs onto it. Just as he's about to touch the rope, his family bursts into the room. He's immediately pulled off the chair and into Techno's arms as Tommy screams and sobs jerkily against his brother, attempting to make Techno drop him.
"G-get off-! I don't- I can't do this! You're hurting me! I-!" Tommy screams before sobbing and finally giving up, slumping in Techno's arms as Techno gently lowers him to the floor while Wilbur and Phil rush over, pushing the chair away in their haste. The two of them wrap their arms around Tommy as he cries, comforting him with their warm embrace.

"I'm so sorry! I can't- I- I am so-!" Tommy sobs as he clings to Phil's shirt. He feels the warmth of Wilbur's head resting on his shoulder, his tears quickly soak through Tommy's shirt as Techno wipes away Tommy's tears. Tommy continues to apologize, but his family reassures him with kind words.
"Toms, this isn't your fault at all. We should have asked and tried harder. I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone. Do you want help? What can we do for you?" Phil interrupts, feeling lost and confused. Wilbur chimes in, "Tommy, we want to help you. How can we help you? We can give you some time off, get you therapy, or- or medication. Why do you want to do that? What's bothering you?" Wilbur is cut off as Tommy cries loudly, expressing his pain.
"Everything! Everything hurts all the time! I- I don't know how to fix it! It just seems easier to-" Tommy struggles in his family's arms, but they hold on tight. Techno quickly insists,
"No, Tommy! It wouldn't be easier. It would make everything much harder. We can get you help. This doesn't have to happen- please Tommy!" Tommy continues to cry and squirm before finally burying his face in Phil's neck.
"No! We can't waste money on something like that! It should be spent on f-food and- and bills! We don't have the kind of money-" Tommy argues. Phil gently shakes his head.
"Tommy, I got a new job that pays well. We can afford it now. It'll be okay, Toms. We'll get you help. Would you like that?" He asks as Tommy gives up and vigorously nods, still sobbing.

"And we can get you out of school for a week or two if that will help. I'll stay home with you, and we can have Tubbo and Ranboo come over. Wilbur can try to get off work early, and Dad may not be able to because he's so new, but-" Techno is interrupted by Phil.
"I'll get here as fast as possible. We can spend time together as a family. I'll get you into therapy. Maybe we should try family therapy to figure out all our problems. We can..." Phil breaks off and sobs lightly. Tommy continues nodding. Oh, this poor kid seriously needs a break. They are going to make sure he gets it, no matter what.
Techno suggests, "I can get a part-time job. I've been thinking of working at the library. It should be easy enough, and the staff knows me because of how often I go in there already so I won't even need to explain my Audhd. It'll just be after school, maybe not very often." Tommy shakes his head.

"No, you shouldn't have to get a job so I can-" He's interrupted by Techno.
"No, Tommy. We always need more money. Besides, it's something I'm interested in, and maybe being social will help me break out of my shell. But right now, all that matters is you. You matter. You matter most." Tommy looks confused and sniffs as his sobs subside.
"Really? But we can't just focus on me. If I'm getting therapy, then everyone should. We all need it, and we all know it." He demands. Phil nods.
"You're right, we should all get therapy, especially after this. But first, let's take care of your immediate needs, Toms. Let's get you something to eat, drink, and bandage those cuts. Then we can celebrate your birthday the right way, alright?" Phil suggests. Tommy sniffs and smiles through his tears, nodding.

"Thank you."
"Anything for you, Toms," Techno says gently.
"As long as you're happy," Wilbur adds with a sad smile.
"We'll get you back on track, Toms. I promise," Phil assures him.

With his worries eased by the love and support of his family,
Tommy finally smiles.

Five Months Later... 

Tommy isn't particularly fond of dissociating. His therapist, Puffy, explained that it's a way for his mind to protect him, but he can't help but wish it didn't happen at the worst possible moments. Like today, on Wilbur's 19th birthday. He really wanted the attention to be on Wilbur instead of everyone worrying about him. Plus, he can't understand what his fucked up head is trying to protect him from. He knows his family and friends wouldn't harm him, so it's all just a tad frustrating.

BUT, unfortunately...

Tommy finds himself curled up on the couch, dissociated. Wilbur does his best to keep him grounded by gently pinching the top of his hand, while Techno grabs an ice pack, experimenting with one of the methods suggested by Puffy. Meanwhile, Niki, Fundy, Quackity, and Eret are having fun playing Mario Party with Ranboo and Tubbo watching. Techno returns with the ice pack, and Wilbur and Phil are focused on making sure Tommy is okay. It's one of those moments when he's more present, which is a bit tough for him, but at least it's easier for them to bring him out of it. Just imagine sitting there, unable to do anything but breathe, while everyone around you is worried, and your head starts itching. But you can't move a muscle to scratch it. Tommy thinks he'd rather be floaty than deal with this. He huffs, his fingers twitching slightly, as Techno returns with the ice pack. Wilbur continues to pinch his hand, and Phil starts rubbing slow circles on his back. Techno carefully places the ice pack in Tommy's hands and takes a seat on the floor in front of him. After about ten minutes, Tommy finally comes back.
"Hey Toms, how are you doing?" Wilbur asks with a warm smile as Tommy returns. Tommy blinks slowly. Phil smiles sympathetically.
"Not feeling too great, huh? Take all the time you need, we're here." Phil assures as Tommy hums softly. 

Tommy adjusts the melting ice pack in his hands and passes it to Techno. Techno takes it and places it on the coffee table. Tommy's eyes look clearer and he seems more focused. 
"How are you feeling now?" Techno asks gently, Tommy shrugs.
"A little better." He mumbles as he sits up on the couch. Phil continues to ground him by rubbing his back.
"Do you want me to ask the questions?" He asks cautiously. Tommy shakes his head.
"No, I'm okay, and please- let's not tiptoe around me. I hate it..." He pleads. Phil nods.
"Alright. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable Toms, I'm glad you opened up about it." He says sincerely. Tommy lets out a gentle groan.
"Now it sounds like you're going easy on me, old man." He complains. Wilbur shakes his head.
"He's not going easy on you, Tommy. The fact that you felt comfortable enough to share this with us is something to be proud of. I know it may seem small, but it's a huge step from a few months ago. We're showing compassion because we're genuinely happy for you, and you deserve that happiness." Wilbur explains gently. Tears well up in Tommy's eyes before he quickly rubs at them.

"Man, fuck you guys. I really want to stop crying..." Tommy laughs as he wipes away his tears. His family shares in his laughter. Tommy can still hear the sounds of laughter and Mario Party music in the background, making their serious moment feel a bit lighter. Techno pats Tommy's knee softly.
"Even shedding tears is a significant step, Theseus. It's a step for you, and it's a step for me too. You know, before we started therapy, I didn't really like- emotions," Techno admits with a shiver, "But look at me now, tearing up at the sight of you crying. It's kind of bullshit, I'm not supposed to be emotional." Techno says with a smile and a sniffle. Tommy chuckles wearily. Quackity overhears their conversation and playfully interjects,
"Oh no, how terrible! THE Technoblade actually has f-f-f-f-f-feeeeeeelings!" Quackity jokes and the group shares a light laugh. 

Once Tommy is back to feeling 100%, Wilbur's birthday celebration resumes as normal, with presents, cake, food, and the company of friends and family. After the guests have left and just before therapy, the family cozies up together to watch a movie. And even though he'll deny it till the end of time, Tommy snuggles up to Wilbur and eventually falls asleep.

Later that day...

Tommy doesn't know how to feel about therapy. He likes Puffy, she is ridiculously nice, and the therapy seems to have helped so far, but at the same time, talking about his feelings is so fucking hard. Tommy is silent as he plays with a fidget toy he got out of Puffy's basket. Puffy clears her throat lightly.
"So, how are you doing today Tommy?" She asks as Tommy twists the tangle in his hands. He shrugs.
"'m fine." He says, yep, straight to the lying. Puffy continues her calm, kind expression.
"How was Wilbur's birthday?" She asks. Tommy shrugs, looking down at his lap. Puffy nods absentmindedly.
"Phil told me about the dissociation. Can we talk about that?" She asks as she clicks her pen and writes something down in her binder. The same damn binder that in large, glaring font says, TOMMY THOMAS SIMONS CRAFT. Always with the writing in that fucking binder.
"What the hell do you write in there?" Tommy demands. Puffy ignores the usual swearing and finishes writing.
"Well right now, I'm making a note that you are avoiding questions and seem tired today. Can we talk about the dissociation?" She asks patiently. Tommy loses interest and shrugs once more. Puffy nods again and takes a quick second to write down a very short word. She clicks her pen and looks up at him as she crosses her legs.

"When can we talk about it?" She asks. Tommy snorts lightly.
"Never." He mumbles. She smiles, not growing even slightly tired of Tommy's antics. Why wasn't she getting tired of him? Annoyed?
"Well Tommy, as much as I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, we'll have to talk about it sometime. Does our next session work? On Thursday?" She asks. Tommy shrugs and pulls his legs up onto his chair, crossing them.
"I guess." He says, still tugging on the tangle. Puffy flips a few pages and writes something down, probably to talk about- that- next session. She places her pen in the binder and crosses her legs. 
"So I know you were told Wilbur is getting ready to move out, how do you feel about that?" She asks, changing the subject. Tommy shrugs again and glances up at her to see her reaction. She seems unfazed, matter of fact, it seems like she doesn't mind at all that he keeps shrugging. He sighs lightly. 
"It sucks." He mutters. Puffy moves in her seat in an attempt to get comfortable.
"Why is that?" She presses. Tommy huffs lightly.

"Cause then it's just gonna be me an' Techno. And then in about a year or two, Techno's going to college and- and I'll be-" He trails off and gazes into his lap. Puffy is ever so patient as she writes something down. 
"Are you afraid you'll be alone?" She asks gently, looking back up at him. Tommy hesitantly nods.
"I fucking hate being the youngest. And I love Dad to death, but Wil and Tech are my brothers. There is a different kind of friendship between brothers versus a parent and their kid. I mean he does things for me all the time, but Phil wouldn't take me out at midnight to get McDonalds and blast music in his car at the park. That's a Wilbur thing. And Phil wouldn't roughhouse with me and be all awkward when I inevitably get hurt. That's a Techno thing." Tommy explains. Puffy nods in understanding.

"From what I understand, Wilbur will still be in town, just not in your house, right?" She asks. Tommy nods and places the tangle back in the basket before grabbing a fidget cube and messing with it. Puffy hums and nods.
"Well if he's not moving very far, you can still go out and do those things together can't you?" She suggests. Tommy shrugs.
"It's not really the same. I just don't want to get older. I don't want to be alone." Tommy admits quietly. Puffy nods.
"You won't be alone. Not necessarily. You will have Techno, Phil, Tubbo, Ranboo, and of course you can always text, call, or visit Wilbur." She reminds. Tommy huffs.
"It's not the same. Everything will change." He mutters under his breath. Puffy raises a brow before smoothing it out.

"Don't look at change as a bad thing, sure it might feel odd for a while- actually it will feel odd for a while, but sometimes change is needed. Imagine you rearrange your room, you like it but you hate it at the same time because it's different. Everything is out of place, things aren't where they usually are. After a while, you learn and remember where you placed things and eventually, you get used to it. You know where everything is now, you don't keep losing things. I know change can be a difficult thing to cope with for someone with Autism, we can talk more in detail about change in another session. Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Puffy finishes. Tommy thinks. Maybe he should say something about his meds making him feel sick. Fuck it.
"I think- I think my meds are- well I think they're making me feel sick. I've been scared to say anything to my family about it." Tommy admits quietly. Puffy nods. 
"Okay, I can't really help with that, but we can figure out the best way to bring this up to your family. How does that sound?" She suggests. Tommy nods slowly.
"That sounds good. That sounds perfect. Thank you Puffy." 
"Of course Tommy, anything."

One Night a Month Later

He doesn't know what happened. He was fine. He was perfectly fine. Then he blacked out and woke up on the floor of the bathroom with blood on his wrists. Why does this keep happening? He thought it was better. He was doing fine! Why is he such a fuck up?! He can't do one thing right!
He can't do anything right! Why, why, why, WHY CAN'T HE-

"Tommy?" 
Fuck. That's Wilbur. He has to know. Tommy can't hide- if he hides, none of this will get better- 
"Tommy? Are you okay?" 
Fuck, he sounds worried. What do I do- what do I do? Tell him.
"I'm sorry," Tommy says quietly.
"What did you say? Toms?" Wilbur asks through the door. Tommy sniffles.
"I'm sorry- I'm sorry Wil-" He says a little louder as he brings a hand up to his eyes to wipe away- tears? When did he start crying-

"Tommy, are you alright? Please Tommy, please open the door." Wilbur calls through the door again. 
"W-when I open the door- you have to- you have to promise you won't be mad, o-okay?" Tommy asks, still a little quiet. Wilbur must have heard it though, because he made a broken noise beyond the door.
"I promise, okay? Just- I need to know if you're alright, so please, open the door." He insists quietly. Tommy is shaky as he leans to the side and unlocks the door, getting some blood on the handle in the process. Once Wilbur hears the click, he opens the door carefully. A floof of brown, curly hair pokes out past the door as Tommy sniffles and struggles to take in a breath. Wilbur's eyes widen briefly before he pushes into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. He looks hesitant but gets on his knees in front of his brother.

"Shit- okay-" Wilbur curses as he looks under the sink and finds an old, tattered towel, he pulls it out and holds his hand out. Tommy places his arm in Wilbur's hands. Wilbur immediately begins pressing the towel to Tommy's wrist. The blonde hisses and lets out a sob. Wilbur shushes him gently.
"Hey, you're alright, you're okay- breathe with me, Toms." Wilbur says. Tommy nods and takes in a very shaky breath. Wilbur nods and smiles, still putting pressure on Tommy's wrist. 
"That's good, that's great Toms, can we do that again?" Wilbur asks, demonstrating by taking in a breath. Tommy attempts to take another breath but chokes slightly and shakes his head aggressively. Wilbur uses one hand to grab Tommy's hand, he places it on his own chest and takes a deep breath. Tommy exhales and takes in another shaky breath.

Wilbur smiles and pulls away from one wrist and begins to put pressure on the other one, helping guide Tommy through breathing immediately. They continue this cycle before Wilbur pulls away and tosses the bloody towel in the bathtub before looking in the cabinets to find the fully stocked first aid kit. Wilbur internally breathes a sigh of relief as he finds and pulls it out before placing it on the floor. He grabs a face towel from the cabinet and soaks it in warm water before turning off the sink faucet. He takes Tommy's arm again and begins dabbing at the jagged cuts, gently cleaning the wounds. Tommy hisses occasionally as Wilbur cleans. Not long later, Wilbur takes the gauze and begins carefully wrapping Tommy's wrist. Tommy sniffles and lets out a small sob.

"I didn't mean to- I really didn't- I- I can't even remember- it's like I blacked out- 'm sorry Wil!" Tommy cries out as he devolves into sobs. Wilbur shushes him. 
"You're alright Toms, you don't have to apologize, okay? You said it's like you blacked out? W-what do you mean?" Wilbur asks, still wrapping Tommy's wrist gently. Tommy shakes his head vehemently and lets out a sob.
"I- I can't remember. I was- one moment, I was in my room playing Minecraft, and the next moment, I was here- it was like I teleported or something- Wil- I'm so fucking scared- what if this never stops- I'm never gonna get better am I?!" Tommy wails. Wilbur shakes his head and stops wrapping, he uses one hand to cup Tommy's cheek gently. 
"Hey, you're gonna be fine, alright? This will end eventually, okay? I promise, and if I'm wrong, you can take my guitar and- and beat it against the concrete outside." Wilbur insists. Tommy snorts through a sob.
"You would never allow that! Even if you are lying, you wouldn't!" Tommy laughs and wipes at his tears with his unoccupied hand. Wilbur nods and smiles as he continues wrapping.

"Well- you don't know that do you? I would! You could take it and throw it at a wall if I'm wrong!" Wilbur says, finishing the wrapping and reaching for the blonde's other wrist. Tommy places his hand in his brother's absentmindedly as he giggles and sniffs, scrubbing at his eyes again. 
"I don't believe you! If you're wrong, you have to take me to that curry restaurant you hate!" Tommy exclaims as he begins to smile. Wilbur looks offended.
"The one with the sticky tables, bad food and terrible service? No way! I am never going back there! But I just have to be right then, don't I?" Wilbur says, finishing the wrapping and playfully swatting Tommy's hand away when he tries to pick at the gauze.

"I guess so," Tommy says with a grin, but then he looks down and starts picking at the gauze again. Wilbur reaches over and gently swats Tommy's hand away once more. Tommy shakes his hand slightly, noticing blood under his fingernails. He starts picking at them, and Wilbur huffs before taking his hands and guiding him to the sink. He pushes the handle to the left and hot water begins to spew out quickly. Wilbur adjusts the temperature a little bit and begins carefully washing Tommy's hands for him. 
"I- I can do it myself Wil." Tommy says quietly. Wilbur looks hesitant to let go but draws away and allows Tommy wash his hands himself. Wilbur fidgets and looks at the wrappings on Tommy's wrists. Tommy turns the water off and turns around to look at Wilbur. He barrels into his brother with a hug. Wilbur is stunned for a moment before carefully wrapping his arms around Tommy's small torso. Tommy smiles as a tear rolls down his face and lands on Wilbur's shoulder.

"Thank you Wilby." He says quietly.
Wilbur closes his eyes and smiles. "Anything for you, Toms."

4 Years later

The popcorn was spilled. 
All over Wilbur and Techno.
They decided to watch the new Five Nights at Freddies movie on a streaming service for Tommy's sixteenth birthday. The family plus Tubbo, Ranboo, Aimsey, Guqqie, Bill, and Freddie had piled onto the couch or sat on the floor that was covered in pillows and blankets. They were giggling and making jokes during the whole movie, Tubbo at one point yelled that the movie wasn't even scary and proceeded to scream when Balloon Boy jumpscared him. Unfortunately, Tommy accidentally dumped all the popcorn on Wilbur and Techno, but thankfully, it didn't stress Tommy out like it would have in the past. Tommy had come a long way and things were less overwhelming for him now. He still had a few years left of high school before he graduated, but he was making progress. The family had been going to therapy regularly, and though Tommy used to go twice a week, he now only needed one session. It was still a new routine, but it was going well, and Tommy hadn't experienced any dissociation in a whole month - a personal record for him.

He's made a lot more friends than he has ever had before, he still has bad days, but they grow fewer and fewer with each passing day. Phil's (not so new) job is pulling in enough money that they haven't lived paycheck to paycheck in- well- years. It's like living in a dream. Wilbur moved out and has been dating a girl for about three years, her name is Sally and Wilbur had mentioned to Tommy that he's been thinking about proposing. Tommy is fully supportive in whatever his brother wants to do, Sally is probably the nicest girl Tommy has ever met. Not nicer than Niki of course, no one is nicer than Niki. Of course Wilbur just got into college to teach history, he had to take out a loan and pull a few strings to get in, but it finally happened! He's taking the online classes from his apartment in town, so he's not very far away. Techno graduated with a full ride scholarship to some school fairly nearby, so he comes over every other weekend. And Tommy rarely blacks out and wakes up with his own blood on him anymore. He hasn't willingly hurt himself in months.

Tommy's life had drastically improved. It isn't the same as when he was a child, it could still be so much better, and it was. It wasn't perfect, but it was a marked improvement from where he had been. What he once thought would be the end turned out to be a bittersweet beginning - a new chapter filled with a better life, happiness, and the discovery of himself as Tommy. A new Tommy. 

And he would never go back to the old Tommy.