Chapter Text
Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Cap*
Cap: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.
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Cap: Like they say, "If you can't beat them, curl up in a ball and protect your organs."
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Cap: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.
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Cap: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
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Cap: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.
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Cap: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
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Cap: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*
Cap: Oh my god, is this expired?
Cap: *Takes another sip of milk*
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Cap: A person can really hear themselves think out here.
Cap’s mind: Did you leave the stove on? The front door unlocked!? WILL YOU DIE ALONE!?
Cap: Well, that was a mistake.
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Cap: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.
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Cap: *Picks up hammer and breaks ringing cell phone.*
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Cap: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.
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Cap: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes
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