Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Her most important rule for survival was to never trust anyone, and it kept her alive.

It's against human nature to live with such dread, to always be alert, to suspect everyone around is willing to kill you the moment they decide you no longer suffice their purpose, it's not even hard anymore to not grow attached to others, to go against everything you once believed in. One would think the end of the world would have brought a little peace for the few that survived, but life had taught her, people would always manage to find a way to make things fucking worse than they already are.

Thinking about the past felt like a curse, similar to waking up after having a sweet but short vivid dream, it vanishes and is replaced by the now barren world. Most survivors used their memories to fuel their courage and will to live, but for her, it was better not to recall the life she once had, the people she had loved, the places she had seen, and who she had been.

Tess's personality now consisted of how well she performed survival skills, she wasn't the fastest, but her reflexes were pretty decent; learning how to use fire weapons had come quite easy, and thankfully, climbing had been one of the talents she had retained throughout it all. Working solo had no use, so she made sure to join groups that seemed like her best shot at survival, she earned her place and their respect by volunteering to find safe routes (which was considered a suicide mission for most), truth is she hated being the one in a group to stay behind and wait for others to safe proof places, so she'd rather die with a gun in her hand and quickly.

That's how she met Joel and Tommy. Tess was supposed to keep an eye on them as the three entered an abandoned city, searching for hidden passages to avoid being noticed by FEDRA and gathering supplies. Her task was to make the call if the brothers were to be trusted through the mission, but she knew the others would rather risk her life than find out themselves. 

Tommy was nice, which was rare, he was decent and strong enough to be a leader, except he wasn't. Tommy listened and followed Joel, there was a blind loyalty that could only be the result of love or guilt. 

Tommy was the talker out of the three of them, she would sometimes follow along, and if it wasn't for her cautiousness, he might have succeeded in getting precious information out of her. The simplicity of his humanity drew people into trusting him, although impressed, she was a cynic. He had gone as far as to talk about the philosophy of the "fireflies" expecting to get a reaction from her, but she never cared much about a revolution, no matter the term they used, or the team people played for, things wouldn't change.

Joel, on the other hand, only spoke when he considered it necessary, she appreciated the silence. In his eyes, she recognized the numbness that fueled her as well, their remaining human trait was a survival instinct, not because they had something to live for, but because they were far too deep into the cursed world.

Their progressive alliance wasn't much of a story, the three began to naturally gravitate toward each other. There is a special unspoken bond when you fight side by side, whether it was the infected or FEDRA, so they'd share food, side jobs, information, and even personal hidden places to rest.

Tess eventually found the leader of their group secretly meeting with FEDRA agents, which meant a reaping would start in no time, so she chose to follow her gut and stick with the brothers, she might not have trusted them, but she trusted the others less.

The three of them planned a way out through the city where they wouldn't be found and took as many weapons and provisions as they could get their hands on. Tommy insisted on bringing alongside a friend of his, there was little time for a discussion, so they suddenly became four. His name was John, and he constantly showered them with words of gratitude, overcompensating for how useless he was to the group.

She didn't trust the new guy at all, and Joel was fucking pissed, so the two of them accidentally bonded over their distrust toward their fourth group member. They'd take turns watching him, report what they had seen, and even share humorous glances whenever John began his nightly speech about how much he shared Tommy's vision of the world. 

Tommy eventually called out their paranoid behavior claiming that John was nothing more than a helpless man and that it was their chance to try to help someone less fortunate than them, however, one night while they were camping and Tess pretended to be asleep, she saw him sneaking away with one of their provisions bags, by then they had reached the outskirts of the city, there was no more than abandoned suburban houses.

Joel and Tommy seemed to be sleeping soundly. She considered waking Joel, but if there was a shot in hell that John had been setting up a trap and that they were about to be ambushed, she'd rather the brothers be captured than her. 

John's little to no field experience allowed Tess to follow him into one of the neighbor's porches down the street with ease, with his back to her, he emptied the bag clumsily; a couple of canned foods rolled down the floor as he cursed himself. Joel had let her know he had made John think their fire weapons were in a different bag than they were. Tess was almost impressed by how John had thought he could have robbed and killed them in their sleep.

He suddenly froze and pulled a pocket knife from his trousers, she suspected he had noticed her by now. Tess pulled out her gun and prepared to pull the trigger as soon as he turned to her. 

John's pale and scared face finally turned to hers. He pressed his shaky finger to his lips. 

A single clicking sound.

They weren't alone.

Without further warning, what was left of a middle-aged man jumped from inside the house and tackled John's weak frame, Tess watched as the clicker bit off the right side of John's face while he pleaded for help.

She aimed at the infected but was pulled back, a strong hand covered her mouth.

Tess realized that as soon as she even tried to fire the gun, she'd die too. Slowly she lowered her gun. 

She assumed the hand belonged to Joel, and that he had been watching the whole scene for a while since Tommy would have most likely tried to talk John out of stealing. Even if Joel's hand had stopped pressing force against her mouth, they didn't dare to move an inch and watched as the clicker deformed most of John's face, it was satisfied once it had left no more than a whimpering bloody body, it scanned the area with its hearing and eventually got back inside the house it had come from.

Joel finally removed his hand from her face, and they silently and slowly made their way back to their camping spot. Tommy was awake and aware of the situation, they gathered their bags and fled that godforsaken place.

They didn't talk until they were hours far from that place. Tommy apologized for trusting John but was met with no response.

Tess couldn't sleep the following night, they had walked for hours and finally camped by the woods. Unanimously they decided to not light a fire and simply lay on the sleeping bags they'd stolen, she volunteered to keep watch. The bloody image of John's body had burned into her brain, and his cries... she fought back memories from her past and what little help she'd been then too.

"You okay?" Joel called, even if he was laying down a few feet away from her, she couldn't see him. His voice tone was softer than his usual one.

She appreciated the distraction from her thoughts, "Yeah. Thank you for the... back there with the gun, I could've... If you hadn't been there it could've turned out a lot worse"

"Don't thank me" he replied dryly, "wasn't following John. I was following you"

She sighed, "I thought John might have set us up in a trap, I figured you and Tommy fighting back would have given me enough time to escape"

"Fair" he added, "you thinking he was smart enough to plan that out might be the nicest thing someone ever thought of him"

She laughed despite the grimness of the situation and heard a low chuckle coming from him as well. "He was terrible, wasn't he?"

"Probably a businessman back then" he joked. 

"Or a landlord"

"Now that's too far, give the guy a break"

They laughed again. It had been years since she last did.

"I can take the watch if you want to" Joel offered, "I can't sleep"

"Neither can I" she confessed.

Tommy's low but identifiable snore joined their conversation.

"It must be nice" she added.

"To sleep?" Joel asked.

She turned to him, or to where she thought he was "To be able to rest, even for a couple of minutes, because you trust that the people around you will keep you safe"

Tess knew she had crossed a line, her comment not only implied how vulnerable she truly felt, but it also made her realize how comfortable she had become around Joel to say such things out loud. 

She thought he wouldn't answer, his silence wouldn't offend her, and in any case, it would help to reestablish their boundaries. They weren't friends.

"Yeah" he finally replied, "it must be nice."

Chapter Text

They all agreed to move East since it was relatively known most cities on the West were swarmed with infected since cordyceps thrived in warmer places.

Their luck had run out of Missouri, so they laid out other possibilities. Tess warned them about the shit hole that had become of Chicago and Indiana; Tommy and Joel had no better news about Texas, Arkansas, and Louisiana, so they kept traveling on the border between Kentucky and Tennessee, their final destination or further alliance not yet discussed.

Tommy and Joel were mediocre at keeping their private conversations private; the youngest was too loud, and Joel was too proud to think she'd notice them syncing their pissing time.

She stayed far enough to go unnoticed but close enough to listen to most of their conversations. Tommy wanted to find a hidden rural area to stay; Joel claimed they had better chances if they joined another FEDRA-controlled zone.

Tommy covered his face, "I'm tired of living through the same shit over and over again."

"We all are, Tommy," Joel replied, "but this is all there is, okay? We can play different cards where we know what to expect from people."

"Cause that's worked for us just fine all these years."

"I'm not the one trying to join every fucking rebel group I can find," His older brother said with resentment "we could survive just fine if we kept a low profile."

"And smuggle until we get old and eventually get killed for not completing our quota?" Tommy snapped back.

Joel crossed his arms. "Unless it's the fireflies we're smuggling for, right? Cause you call that shit equal distribution."

"Don't make this about politics," Tommy tried again "there's more we can do than those two options."

"You know what's out here, Tommy; you know the kind of people who have survived on their own and what happens to them."

"We're not stupid, and we're not animals, Joel," Tommy tried again "we could build somewhere safe; you remember what that's like? Us doing what we are good at. We could even try to build the house you promised for her; Sarah would be proud-"

"Don't," Joel interrupted him. Even from afar, she could tell that it had been a threat. "If you want to die, you can do it alone. Don't fucking try to make this about her."

Joel turned his back on him and stomped back to their camp. Tess managed to return before he did and pretended to have been using the axe to chop down the logs of wood they had found.

Although a side of him she hadn't seen, Tess recognized that look too well. The hatred in his eyes failed to hide how grief consumed his whole being.

He walked to her, and for an instant, she thought he might take all his bottled-up frustration on her; instinctively, she recoiled from him.

Joel noticed her reaction and stopped getting any closer. Instead, he extended his hand out. "Gimme the axe."

Tess stared back at him, unsure of the best outcome. For whatever insane and stupid reason, she handed it to him. Never had she seen someone cut through so many logs in so little time; most of the wood was now unusable, but at least he had calmed down.

Outbursts weren't something she hadn't seen or gone through herself; in her experience, it was best not to make a deal out of them, so she crouched down, chose the best pieces that seemed could work and began preparing fire as if nothing had happened. Joel joined her soon after; she pretended not to notice his shaky hands and loud breaths.

As they prepared the meal, two rabbits Tommy had captured, she wondered who Sarah was, perhaps their sister since Tommy had mentioned her with familiarity, or Joel's wife/significant other, that would explain why he had promised to build her a house and how upset he had been.

As the sun set, Joel made up a shitty excuse to wander off alone, leaving them by the fire.

"He's not going to do something stupid, is he?" She asked Tommy; the oldest had taken his gun.

"No, he just needs some space," he sighed and turned to her "you heard it all, didn't you?"

She stared back at him and lied, "Not on purpose."

"It's okay. We are traveling together; we should've asked for your opinion too."

Tess studied his expression, and he didn't seem to be lying. "Yeah, you should've, but I'm afraid I agree with the old man."

"Tess," Tommy called and reached for her hand, his gesture brotherly "don't you want to do something more than just survive?"

That had never been an option for her in the first place.

"And do what, Tommy? What will the three of us do in the middle of nowhere?" She asked, "and that's implying you want me to join."

"We're a team by now, don't you think?" He smiled "you could've left or robbed us by now."

"So because I didn't, you trust me?" she almost laughed. "Tommy, I say this in the best way I can; you can't go around thinking people are like you."

He pulled back his hand. "Okay. What are your plans then?"

A nervous laugh escaped her mouth. "I don't... I can't just tell you."

"Why not? You can confess you're important secret plans and murder me right after. Joel's not around, so you'll have plenty of time to sneak away without him unleashing his vengeance against you" He pulled out a knife pocket from his coat, placed it on her hands, and swiftly pulled her hand up to his throat, the tip of the knife touched his skin "Come on; it'll be easy."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tess pulled back her arm and threw the pocket knife on the ground. "I'm not gonna kill you."

He smiled and picked up his knife. "Point proven"

"That's your trust test? How the fuck are you still alive?" Horrified wasn't enough to describe the way she felt.

"Cause I know something you and Joel have forgotten. Not everyone left in the world is evil" He then stared into her eyes and studied them, after a deep breath, added, "back to FEDRA it is."

"What about building your house in the middle of the woods?"

Tommy shrugged. "I can't say no to Joel."

"Why?"

"Some people aren't made to be by themselves. I can't give up on him," he confessed, "besides, unless you change your mind and end up being a carpenter or something, there's not much one contractor can do on its own."

She chuckled and called his name "Tommy."

"Yeah?"

"You're fucking crazy."

He half smiled. "You'll see I'm right... someday"

"I really hope you are," she sighed. "I'd be glad to admit I was wrong."

When she woke up, Joel and Tommy were on speaking terms again; it didn't surprise her; sibling love is mysterious like that. They had prepared a quick meal before continuing their journey.

Tess noticed her food plate was fuller than Joel's and that he was trying to make small talk with her. She eyed Tommy, and he resisted a chuckle.

"You slept well?" Joel began, "some bats were flying around; you didn't hear them?"

"No," she replied and eyed her food "we're not eating them, are we?"

"No," he answered, "it's a squirrel."

As she ate, she could feel their eyes on her expectantly and, in her rearview, caught the brothers sharing glances between them.

"What the hell is going on?" she finally spoke.

"Joel wants to ask you something," Tommy finally replied.

The oldest gave his brother a murderous glance but finally turned to her. "We've got plans to continue traveling as far East as possible before winter gets rough and join a FEDRA camp when it does."

"Sounds like a solid plan," she guessed that was their idea of an invitation "best of luck."

"Tess," Tommy rephrased, "we could use your help."

After the events of last night, she knew what to expect from Tommy and that he genuinely trusted her, but she wasn't sure about the other Miller.

She asked them to give her some time to think; they'd keep on traveling together meanwhile.

A couple of days later, they found a lake by their route; it had been a long time since their last "bath." She went in first; hygienic products had been the first to disappear and most challenging to find, but at least the water was clear enough to give her the feeling of being cleaned.

Once it was Tommy's turn, she stayed at the camp with Joel counting their remaining supplies. They hadn't been alone since his outburst, and most of the time, she and Tommy were the ones chatting.

"I know it's me," Joel suddenly said out loud.

She turned to him, unsure if he was talking to her.

"When we asked you to join us," he began explaining himself, "I know it's me you don't trust."

"I don't trust anyone," she confessed, "it's nothing personal."

"How is that not personal? Listen, I saw you dealing and negotiating back in Missouri; you earned and kept their trust; we could work together and combine that with what Tommy and I can do."

She sighed. "Do I trust Tommy or you with my life? No. Do I think you guys mean well? I think Tommy does."

He cleared his throat. "You don't need to know me; I don't need to know you. Both sides could benefit from an alliance; you could use our help too."

"Do you trust me?" She asked him this time, "Do you trust me with your life?"

"No," he admitted, "but I have trusted you so far, and so have you."

They held each other's gaze as if the one to look away would lose the argument.

"By the time we reach another city, I'll let you know what I decided," she said.

"All I'm saying is, you don't need to worry about me."

"We'll see, Joel Miller."

Chapter Text

Days started getting shorter; keeping track of dates wasn't really a priority, but they knew it was the third week of October.

The brothers didn't comment on the weather, but she noticed them using their jackets at night. She'd never been to Texas but figured getting used to a cooler climate must be challenging. Thankfully, Chicago's winters had prepared her for this; the weather hadn't dropped enough for her to feel cold yet.

They had to adjust their schedule, rise as soon as the sun came out and move as much as possible before it set. The map pointed to a few towns not too far from them, it would be a risk, but their food provisions were scarce.

The three walked into what seemed to be an abandoned town; the small old wooden buildings seemed untouched, with no signs of raiding or the infected, just the passing of time. It looked like the kind of place you'd avoid even in the past.

"Too good to be true." Joel commented, "let's be quick."

Tess held her gun ready to fire as she entered the local supermarket; Joel followed her lead while Tommy kept watch outside.

They quickly checked for any sign of the infected between every aisle to avoid surprises; there were none.

The shelves weren't fully stocked, but there were enough canned goods for them to take; Joel took care of that while she checked the rest of the place.

The pharmacy aisle was a fucking jackpot, Advil, pain relievers, bandages, ibuprofen, aspirins, ethylic alcohol, even bandaids; she even managed to fit bar soaps, shampoo bottles, and as many toothbrushes as she had found inside her bag. They almost emptied the whole place empty.

A gunshot was fired.

Joel and Tess locked eyes for a fraction of a second before running outside with their guns ready.

An older man stood across the street from them; his shotgun pointed at them; the bullet the man had fired had missed the store's door by a few feet and hit the building wall beside it instead. No sign of Tommy.

The man took a step back, seeing there were two of them. "Put all you found back!" he ordered, his aim shifted slightly between the two, "or I'll call my son!"

He pulled the trigger again, missing them by just a few inches now. That would have alerted the other residents or infected in the area, but there was no sign of either.

"I think he's alone," Tess whispered to Joel. "I'll distract him."

She lowered her bag and stepped closer; she had stopped aiming at him but didn't let go of her handgun.
"We're hungry," she explained, soft but loud for him to hear.

"That's my fucking food," He snapped back.

"We can trade," she tried again, assessing if someone else was around. He looked about 70, which meant he'd be slower than them.

"I want no fucking business with you," He yelled again, his grip tighter around the shotgun.

"What about your son?" She yelled back, "he might be interested in something we have. Call him. He can have a look."

The old man's hand began to shake as he managed to yell again, "That's my fucking food."

"He's alone!" Tommy's voice announced from somewhere behind them.

She pulled her gun up, but the man was hit on the forehead before she could fire. He fell on his knees as his yellowish hair and beard were painted red.

Tess turned to see Joel putting away his gun, she gave him a little nod, and he returned it.

Tommy had found and searched his house; there were family pictures, and the whole second floor was untouched. It seemed like he had lived alone all these years. An unpleasant smell filled the house; Tommy followed the scent into the bathroom, and after a quick scan, he insisted on staying somewhere else.

The house next door was covered in dust but habitable; they gathered and counted the provisions they'd found.

"No fucking way!" Tommy smiled, picking up one of the male spray deodorants she'd taken. He put it on carefully, not letting the spray be wasted for even a second.

She'd never been a fan of a man's deodorant smell, but it had been years since she last smelled something so good. It was almost a spiritual moment for all of them.

They agreed to take one luxury item and save the rest for trading. Tommy chose the deodorant, and Tess and Joel picked a shampoo bottle each. She could have kept the soap bars and toothbrushes but decided to share them instead.

The closets upstairs were pretty full. The people who lived there had probably been evacuated immediately; a single suitcase was what FEDRA allowed people to carry, so people either took their most valuable or practical possessions. From what she found in the closet, it seemed like the former residents had opted for taking the nonpractical items, which, according to statistics, meant they were probably dead by now. She might as well make good use of what they'd left behind.

Finding something her exact size was hard, but a couple of pants and sweaters fit her. She silently thanked them for leaving behind a winter jacket, probably Joel's size.

As she let the brothers roam through the closets, she found a full-length mirror in one of the rooms. Tess stared at her reflection.
For the first three years, while adapting to survive, she'd been on the edge of starvation. Her health and body had somewhat recovered, but she still didn't recognize herself. Not that it mattered.

Back downstairs, Tommy had found a bottle of a shitty Bourbon brand; they poured it into what once were fancy wine glasses and dined canned soups; it didn't get fancier than this. She and Tommy joked and remembered their favorite meals and what they craved the most.

"Any kind of french fries?" She asked after hearing Tommy's choice.

"Yeah, but I've had this vivid dream of eating Mcdonald's fries, and when I wake up, I can still smell them for a couple of seconds," He explained.

"Now that's just fucking sad," she laughed.

"What about you?"

"Cake," her mouth watered just thinking about it, "any kind of cake, just something sweet and soft with icing on top."

"I'd kill for a good steak," Tommy added.

Tess turned to Joel; he was clearly listening to their conversation but decided not to be a part of it.
"What about you, Joel?" She asked.

"He's gonna say something boring, like coffee," Tommy let out.

She locked eyes with the oldest Miller, and waited patiently for an answer; he finally sighed and gave in.

"Froot loops."

"Cereal?" his brother was surprised.

"Yeah, a bowl of Froot Loops."

"Very specific, but valid." She agreed.

"And coffee" Joel added with a hint of humor.

"There he is" Tommy chuckled.

Was it wise to drink in a small abandoned town in the middle of nowhere? No. Did they do it anyway? Yes.

The alcohol had gone to their heads quickly; she didn't plan on being hungover the next day or blacking out that night, so she only drank until the alcohol's effect relaxed her.

After eating, they sat in the dark living room, Tess in the middle of the couch with the brothers on both sides.

Tommy started snoring, and she felt herself drifting into sleep too. She sat up and tried to fight back.

"Tess," Joel called her name; it was the first time he had used it. "I'll keep watch. Go to sleep."

"I'm okay," she lied and tried to keep herself awake for a few minutes, or at least that was her intention, before catching herself nodding off and pulling her neck a bit "shit."

"Tess," Joel called again.

Not even in the past had she ever thought it was a good idea to drink alone with two men; many things could go wrong, but here she was at the end of the world with men she had known for less than three months.

"Okay, fine" she finally gave up and closed her eyes.

It's just Tommy and Joel.

Chapter Text

While searching the rest of the town, Tess found an old radio; it took some time, but they eventually detected a rogue station playing a morse code on repeat. Tommy recognized the code was mainly used by members of the fireflies. The signal was weak, but it announced a safe base in Virginia. 

Wherever fireflies were meant FEDRA was nearby, and vice-versa. Most importantly, it meant there were resources, and people who would want to trade. Tess didn't know what her next move would be. On one hand, she had grown used to traveling alongside Joel and Tommy, working with them, eating, sleeping, talking, and knowing what to expect from them and them from her. She stopped herself from overthinking such trivial things; instead, she'd wait to arrive in Virginia and decide based on the only thing that mattered at the end of the day: Survival.

They left the town fully stocked, and Tess felt surprisingly well-rested. Even if they traveled slower from the weight, there was a sense of safety in knowing they wouldn't starve to death, at least not right away.

Traveling through the woods and rural areas meant colder temperatures than going from town to town, where they could probably find cover at night. Still, they'd rather take a bit longer to arrive at their destination than cross paths with the infected or someone else out there, besides, she didn't mind if their trip stretched for a little longer.

Their precaution was rewarded. Joel pointed to a signal of smoke coming from one of the bigger towns they avoided passing through. She'd never traveled this far South but knew what it was said about the kind of people that lived around the area.

"It can't be all true," Tommy pointed out "what if it's some trick to control and prevent us from reaching out to independent communities?"

She shrugged, he had a point, but a theory wasn't tempting enough to risk her life trying to prove something. 

Joel made eye contact with her and rolled his eyes at Tommy's "subtle" attempt to keep his idyllic community narrative alive. She couldn't help but choke her laughter and play it off as a cough. Both brothers treated her as a referee between them, Tommy would openly complain about Joel, and Joel reserved his judgy glances at Tommy just for her to see. 

At night, Tommy offered to keep watch; Joel had no choice but to agree since he had not slept the night before. It wasn't as if any of them deserved to rest or sleep more than the others, but Joel was usually always awake, which she appreciated during the rare moments she would find herself drifting off.

They agreed not to light a fire since their proximity to the habited town wasn't clear; to keep warm, they camped closer to each other instead.

Tess stayed up chatting with Tommy a little longer as Joel lay between them; to her surprise, Joel had subtly encouraged them to continue their conversation. She supposed he felt safer hearing people around him.

As she was about to call it a day and go to sleep, she noticed Joel's body curled under his sleeping bag, clearly struggling from the cold. As someone who barely slept, she felt bad for him knowing tonight was his opportunity to rest, and the temperature made it even more uncomfortable.

The weather had dropped a few degrees, but it was not Chicago's winter kind of cold yet. Tess reached for her bag and pulled out the sweaters she had taken from the house they had visited, and proceeded to take off the winter jacket and instead put on the layers of sweaters.

Carefully, she covered Joel with the winter jacket. She was glad tonight's moonlight was dim; that way, she couldn't read Tommy's facial expression and wouldn't feel questioned because she genuinely didn't know how to explain her actions.

Tess woke up at dawn and took over Tommy's watch so he could take a nap. 

She readied her things and picked a can for each of them to eat for breakfast since hunting and lighting a fire wasn't an option in that territory. 

Tess ate in silence; it had been a while since she had an opportunity to be by herself; she had always enjoyed her own company and thoughts but had learned to appreciate the Miller brothers. The possibility of never seeing them again and returning to her past solitary self suddenly didn't feel like such a good idea.

Joel's body began to shift, and he soon sat up; his eyes, puffy from sleeping, scanned the area.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," she joked, pointing at the canned food "breakfast."

"Mmm"

He took a few seconds to answer; it most likely meant he had been in a deep sleep. Good for him.

She looked away when he realized he had her jacket. Comments would feel out of place and too much, so she'd preferred not to acknowledge them.

"Hey, Tess?" he called, and she knew it was coming.

"Yeah?" she pretended to be interested in her empty can.

"Why?" That was all he asked.

She shrugged, which was the most honest answer she could have given, but she had to say something else, "Chicago's colder than Texas."

"Thanks," he muttered, and that was all he said about the matter.

From time to time, she noticed Tommy switching between walking ahead or behind them; it almost seemed like he wanted to leave them some space, which was unnecessary. Her conversations with Joel carried less humor and lightness than the ones with the youngest Miller but were nonetheless pleasant. They were both cautious when talking about their past but could carry out a conversation about something in general.

He noticed she would call some trees and plants with the correct terminology and asked about it. She told him about her Father being a nature enthusiast, taking her through various forest trails in Illinois and teaching her a thing or two when she was a kid.

"Guess it did come in handy eventually," she joked, "more than college."

"What did you study?"

Tess sighed. "Something very useless for the end of the world"

"Art?" he guessed.

"I wish I knew art," Tess let out "have you seen what people charge for drawings? I saw someone trade meals for a sketch of their dead Chihuahua." 

That made Joel chuckle. "It must've been a fucking good drawing."

"I studied computer science." She decided to confess a few minutes later, "I was told it would be the career of the future, so I put myself through that for four years.

"I had forgotten about computers, to be honest," he commented. "it seemed like a nice job, got your desk and an office."

She shrugged. "It had its good things. What about you?"

"I always liked working with my hands," he explained."Had an uncle that would take Tommy and me to his construction projects, we learned on the go, and amm... life happened, so I joined the business as soon as I could work."

"Construction experience is up there next to the Chihuahua drawing," Tess added to lighten the mood.

"Honored to be in such company."

Chapter Text

Many people who had tried to escape cordyceps and find a hiding place were already infected; there were always a couple of crashed vehicles at the beginning or end of highways where someone had lost control and caused a significant accident. They were fortunate to have found a crash site in which fire had been involved; the cars at the back of the line had been abandoned, and the amount of infected was significantly smaller than usual.

Tess and Tommy covered Joel as he got a car running; the infected they hadn't managed to shoot from a distance were later run over by Joel as they drove away to safety and their destination.

As Tess sat in the backseat, she noticed the car had belonged to someone with kids; there was a stuffed bear on the middle seat alongside a shoe that might have belonged to a seven-year-old. It was always hard for her to imagine little kids running from situations like this, how the images must have been engraved into their minds alongside the chaos and unexplainable violence; if it had been traumatic for her, she couldn't imagine how they might have felt, or if they had managed to survive. Tess found herself clasping the stuffed bear in her arms.

Tommy turned back at her from the copilot seat and offered her a small smile; his eyes were kind, and his voice gentle.
"Did you have kids?"

"Tommy" Joel stopped him.

The youngest Miller apologized, acknowledging he had stepped over their boundaries; some things were better left unaddressed and personal. He turned his eyes back to the road.

An uneasy tension settled around the three of them.

Tess let go of the stuffed animal and surprised herself by answering
"No"

It was Joel who broke the silence sometime later to ask for directions. The road ahead was straight, the route clear; he either was paranoid or tried to cause a distraction for them to dismiss what just happened. Either way, she gave in, pretending not to have been affected.

They stopped a few miles before reaching the fireflies' safe base; the sun was going down, and going into unknown territory would have been a suicide mission.

Joel parked by the trees near the main road to hide from unwanted visitors. Since it was their last night camping in the wilderness, she rejected the offer of sleeping inside the car; there was always the possibility of being murdered the next day, so spending her last living night under the moonlight and stars didn't sound so bad, even if it was colder than usual. 

She and Joel placed their sleeping bags next to each other to keep a little warmer while Tommy slept in the backseat of the car.

She liked Tommy, but for once, she was glad he wasn't around; his words were still fresh in her mind. How had it been so easy for him to ask such a difficult question? Why had she answered? And why did she care about what they might think of her?

"Hey," Joel spoke, "he didn't mean no harm, but you didn't have to answer."

Tess could hear Joel's breathing from how close they were; it was strangely soothing.
"I know"

He sat up. She couldn't tell what he was doing until he unzipped his winter jacket, the one she had found and given to him. Joel covered her with it, the jacket still warm.

"What are you doing?" she bolted up, anger building inside her. "I don't need you to look after me."

"I'm not," he responded, matching her tone "that was yours first, and you gave it to me."

"Cause you were fucking freezing and are from texas," she replied as if it was obvious "you don't have to treat me differently cause Tommy said something wrong."

"Cold is cold." Joel said, "this isn't about him, okay? This isn't even about you. I just don't like owing people shit."

"You're such a fucking bad liar." she laid back down, taking the winter jacket. "Can't believe you're a sentimental guy."

"Fuck you," he cursed her out and laid down as well, his back to her.

She tried closing her eyes but didn't want their argument to end like that; it wasn't necessarily bad if he was looking after her.

Tess sighed and cursed under her breath; she stretched the winter jacket as if it was a blanket covering them both.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He called out and turned to face her, pushing the jacket back.

"It's fucking cold," she answered, "you are useless if you get sick tomorrow."

"I'm not gonna-"

"Put it on, Joel! Or help me, God, I will kill you myself if pneumonia doesn't."

He didn't answer.

"It can cover us both," she explained and adjusted it again to cover them up.

He didn't complain or say anything else; she had had the last word and was satisfied enough to be able to doze off.

When Tess woke up, she noticed three things. The first one was that her joints weren't as sore from the cold as she had grown used to feeling them waking up; the second one was that her head was resting on Joel's shoulder, and the third one was that his chin was touching her forehead. Their bodies must have searched for the other's warmth at night.

She should have opened her eyes and moved away by now. There was no reason to stay in that position, but she hadn't felt so comfortable in so long, so...right? Somnolence would justify their actions.

The car door opened.

Tess met Joel's open eyes as they pulled away from each other. He had been awake too.

"You guys okay?" Tommy asked after a very silent breakfast.

"Yes" Tess answered, although she didn't know if it was a lie.

"Yeah" Joel agreed, although he didn't seem so convinced.

Chapter Text

They buried most of their provisions and supplies but kept a couple of medicine bottles and a few other things that might persuade the fireflies to welcome them into their headquarters. The three agreed on a narrative in case they were questioned separately so their stories would match. 

Tommy took the initiative to request help from the fireflies; he said a couple of names and codes. Two armed patrol guards checked their vitals to ensure they weren't infected, later making them surrender their weapons.

"We have medicine," Tess handed them the bag.

They were shortly guided inside the quarters. The building that had once been a school was now a rogue military base of at least a hundred people. Doors and windows were covered and closed off; there were no signs of a confrontation, which could only mean it wouldn't take long for FEDRA to track them down; half of the current residents were young and in training firefly members, from 15 to 18 years old. The rest of the people were refugees, either running away from FEDRA or the infected.

A woman pulled them to different rooms for further questioning; Tess glanced at Joel and Tommy before complying with the instructions. The brothers returned the gesture, and she couldn't explain why Joel's subtle nod made her feel more at ease.

As planned, she repeated the story they had agreed on, how they escaped FEDRA back in Missouri instead of working with a smuggler group, and that they had stumbled upon their radio broadcast, which wasn't a lie but didn't include their illegal trading schemes. They let her know they'd be taking medicine, and she'd be welcome into their community in exchange for her collaboration.

They tried to lay low for the first couple of days, or at least Tess and Joel had. It was obvious Tommy wanted to openly join the fireflies; he started by volunteering to help teach survival skills to some of the kids, which got him special perks and high-rank contacts; naturally, that caught Tess's attention, and she volunteered too, although with less enthusiasm. Joel, on the other hand, hated being around kids and teens; he preferred taking the shitty assignments if it meant he could avoid them.

Within a few weeks, they snuck into an enclosed classroom to share the information they had gathered. The quarters' sole purpose was to train as many new members as possible before relocating; they had spies in the closest FEDRA camp and would sneak people in and out to dismantle the place little by little. All resources were strictly tied with FEDRA, which meant things were scarce and carefully looked after.

It was no secret the civilians in the quarters were a liability for the fireflies; their work and cooperation were appreciated and paid for with food and shelter, but since they weren't actual members, some
people in higher ranks didn't want them there.

"Isn't that like their whole purpose?"  Joel snorted.

"This is a training facility." Tommy tried explaining.

"Facility?" 

"Joel," Tess stopped him from bickering further, and he complied. She turned to Tommy, "how long do we have before they kick us out?" 

"A month at most" 

"Two weeks if we don't want to draw too much attention," The oldest Miller pointed out, "they're going to be too busy dealing with relocation to care about us."

"I can ask around about the smuggling from the FEDRA camp," she offered "if they can manage to sneak people in and out, we could take some jobs."

"Pittsburgh," Tommy blurted out, "the fireflies Headquarters. I've talked with a friend. We would be welcomed there."

"What friend?" His brother raised an eyebrow.

"Her name's Marlene" 

"You've been talking to one of the leaders?" Joel's jaw tensed. "I guess she simply invited you to their headquarters for being a good friend."

"If you are saying I joined the fireflies, I didn't," Tommy rolled his eyes, "but I'm not fucking bitter not to consider it."

"I'm not bitter. I'm just not fucking stupid to think they don't expect us to die for their shitty movement," Joel replied, his volume low but tone decisive.

Tommy walked away, his step firm and fast, and soon enough, left the room.

Tess and Joel stood in silence for a minute or two. She didn't want to be the one to speak first; it wasn't her place to have an opinion on their disagreements, and neither of the brothers was the type of person who sought comfort. 

"If I'd let him do whatever he wanted, we'd be long dead by now," Joel let out; even if the comment was meant for her, it seemed more like an attempt to validate his actions. 

"You should give him more credit" Tess cleared her throat.

He looked betrayed.

"Fuck joining the Fireflies or FEDRA or... anything," she explained, "but Tommy isn't stupid. He's trying to do what he thinks it's right."

"So, just let him die?" There it was again, hurt and death in his eyes.

"I'm not trying to give you advice, but you know he's going to follow you anywhere you go, even if he doesn't want to. Why can't you at least pretend to think about what he suggests?"

To her surprise, he didn't storm out of the room, family trait, she guessed; instead, he took a deep breath and added:
"I can't lose him." 

Touching was a rare thing nowadays, too personal and unnecessary, yet she placed her hand on his arm.
"He's your brother. You'll never lose each other."

Tess watched from afar how Joel approached Tommy the following day. They weren't men of many words, but whatever he said was enough for them to be on speaking terms again. The scene almost made her smile.

"Interesting choice in companions," a voice called from behind her "traveling with men can be complicated."

She turned to see Marlene, the firefly high-ranking member who wasn't a recurring facility resident but would travel constantly supervising the training.

"I actually think they are very simple men, who want simple things," Tess replied carefully.

"What about you?" Marlene asked. It was clearly a test.

Tess took her eyes off the brothers. "Depends on the offer."

Chapter Text

"You've been quieter than usual,"  Tommy asked her; the two of them ate their meals together most days "everything okay?"

"Yeah," she lied, "why?"

"Nothing, I just thought we had agreed to be honest with each other" he stared into her soul.

Tess sighed. "She told you?"

"Marlene doesn't share her plans," he explained, "but when she approaches someone, it's cause she has one."

"Look at you, already an expert," she teased.

"Look at you, already sounding like Joel" He chuckled, then turning a bit more serious, added, "it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"I haven't made a decision," she confessed.

There was no shot in hell she'd join the movement, which was Marlene's first proposal, but when later offered an assignment in California to accompany a patrol with new firefly members and a big pay in return... Tess was strongly considering it.

"Is it better?" Tommy asked again, respecting her boundaries but trying to be involved.

"Better than what?"

"Your current plans"

For the first time in a long while, she didn't have a plan. Tess hadn't even told the Millers if she had chosen to join them or stay solo, but they made her feel at such ease that it had become unnecessary to say the words. It scared her to realize she could let go of a good job offer just to stay close to them.

"I don't know," she finally confessed and excused herself soon after. Tommy's piercing eyes and almost philosophical questioning didn't help her decision-making.

Tess found herself wandering near the building's construction site. Joel was giving instructions to a few men as they gave maintenance to some of the pillars and beams.

He looked focused, almost at peace. For a moment, she could picture him back then, free from all the pain and anger inside him.

Joel seemed to notice being observed and met her gaze; he offered her a shy nod. Tess didn't feel guilty for being caught staring; she returned the nod. 

A wave of melancholia flooded her whole body from considering this as one of the last times she'd see him. 

Tess turned around and left the site as fast as possible. She would accept Marlene's offer; she needed to get away from the brothers, to go back to working alone and feeling numb. There was no room for sentimentality in the world.

She was halfway to Marlene's when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Tess," Joel called, gentle and low. She had no choice but to postpone her conversation with Marlene when he asked her to meet later.

It was nighttime when they snuck out of the headquarters, not even telling Tommy about it.

The air was cold, but it was nice to be able to breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the open space.

"I've talked to some of the fireflies; they're planning a final strike in the FEDRA zone in two weeks," he began speaking; the softness of his voice tone was replaced with a firm voice."They need people to work from the inside; we won't be dealing with the military operation, just opening a path in case things don't work."

"Who's we?"

"Tommy, you, me," he clarified and crossed his arms "why? You have something better to do?"

Tess stayed silent; it had been stupid to wait and see what he wanted to tell her. How could she have clouded her judgment over nothing? What could he have said to change her mind? There was no real reason for her to be there.

"They offered me a better deal." She confronted him with the truth.

He snorted. "What happened with not wanting to join them? Your whole speech about Tommy?"

"I am not joining them." She explained, not wanting to but doing so nonetheless. "just opening another path for them. California."

"When?"

"A week," she replied and added, "if I take it."

He placed his hands on his hips, quiet as ever and looking in a different direction.

"We might go through Texas; any recommendations?" She attempted to lighten the mood.

Joel didn't give in to her humor. "You'll be traveling through winter."

"That's why I haven't made up my mind." Lies, she'd been through worse.

"So winter is the only thing stopping you?"

Fuck winter.

"Should there be another reason?"

Joel crossed his arms again and shifted a bit."No"

Another wave crashed into her."Well, I guess this is it."

"Yeah," his tone indifferent.

How easy it had been to do something so difficult.

She extended her arm for a handshake. Joel took her hand into his and held it for far longer than what was considered a customary handshake, although, in his defense, it had been a while since she shook hands with someone.

Tess took a step closer, his hand still on hers, their faces illuminated by the moonlight. She could feel the heat of his body, and for a moment, it seemed like he was leaning to kiss her.

Footsteps.

She pushed herself and Joel behind a tree and signaled him to stay quiet. 

Yes, someone was roaming the area.

A girl around 17 she recognized from her volunteering lessons snuck out of the headquarters and disappeared into the woods.

"Looks like the fireflies aren't the only ones with spies," Joel whispered in her ear. "When did you say you were leaving?"

"A week?"

"You have a day." 

Chapter Text

Getting to Marlene in the middle of the night hadn't been easy, but they demanded a private meeting with her in case more spies were among them. Even if they didn't support the movement, it was best to have an ally between the high ranks of the fireflies. 

Tess did the talking, and Joel played a second eyewitness; he wasn't supposed to know about... anything, but since all the plans were in jeopardy, no one seemed to mind. Marlene listened intently and called a few people to confirm the girl was missing. 

They were escorted to a different room to ensure the news wouldn't be spread while the leaders planned a new strategy. 

"If they don't act fast enough, we're all dead," Joel said. The two sat on the floor next to each other, their backs leaning on the wall.

"And if they act too fast, we are also dead." She pointed out, "The kids aren't as organized as a military operation like this needs to be."

"Probably 'cause they are fucking kids," he snorted. "That's what happens when you use children to fight a revolution."

"Can't imagine what it must be like to grow up knowing there's nothing to live for; at least, they think they're fighting for something." She remembered all those young faces in training, ready to give their lives. "I'd forgotten that being around children makes me depressed."

"Why did you volunteer, then?"

She shrugged. "Your assignments looked worse."

That made him chuckle.

Their shoulders touched; it seemed a lifetime ago they were standing outside the building saying their last goodbyes but holding onto each other. He was the closest to an equal she had come upon since the end of the world, and she was almost sure he felt the same way about her. 

"Joel," she called and opened her mouth to ask the question in her mind, but she couldn't find the words, so she stayed quiet.

He waited for her to speak, even when it was clear she wouldn't.
"You don't have to take the job," he finally said. 

They heard someone talking outside the door and stood up to brace whatever was coming. Tommy appeared alongside Marlene.

Marlene turned to Joel. "Tommy says you're up for opening a safe path."

He nodded. "How long do we have?"

"Three days, starting at sunrise." She answered and, turning to Tess, added."We leave once they come back."

"And if they don't come back?" Tess asked.

"We run"

Tommy gave her a big hug, she wasn't used to hugging, but it was well received. 

"I hope to see you again before you leave." He told her." but if I don't, I want to say it was good to have you around. I hadn't had a friend in a long while."

She returned the genuine smile."We'll see each other again."

Tommy hugged her again and took a few steps back to give his brother some space.

Tess didn't know how to say goodbye to him; simple words were not enough, a hug seemed too intimate even though it shouldn't be, and holding hands as they had didn't look right. There was so much to be said, but she wouldn't know where to start or when to stop.

Joel cleared his throat and handed her a backpack. "

She peaked inside and found half of their remaining supplies from Tennessee, alongside the winter jacket. "What is-?"

"In case you go through Texas," he explained. "It might not be Chicago cold, but it is still cold."

Just like gravity, she had no more choice than to give in. Tess threw her arms around him, and he embraced her, tight and strong. 

"Come back," she whispered in his ear. "Come back, Joel Miller."

"Yes, ma'am," he whispered back.

Chapter Text

Marlene kept her close to "include her on the plan," but Tess knew it was to ensure the information didn't spread further; nothing personal, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway; information and secrets were priceless.

She helped Marlene map out the safe routes she had traveled to and from, and pointed out zones to avoid; she had even advised on how to approach an unknown location. Tess had earned an alliance and a place amongst them if she wanted to take it. She didn't.

On the night of the second day, there were two gunshots from afar. Marlene didn't hesitate or care to investigate and ordered an emergency evacuation for the firefly trainees.

"Last chance, Tess" The two women met as panic ensued at the headquarters.

Staying meant bracing for a fight; it gave her a slimmer chance of survival. Still, she gave a firm nod and wished the other woman good luck.

Tess ran to the building's roof and met with the rest of the members that had stayed behind, a bunch of kids and a couple of untrained adults that had agreed to join the movement out of fear of surviving on their own; quite the team to be chosen to storm inside a FEDRA zone.

The pitch-dark night made it difficult to understand what caused the not-so-distant commotion coming for them. Next to her, a boy around 16 began to fire nervously without a target, giving away their exact location. Tess turned to him, ready to knock him out from behind; instead, she watched as he received a bullet between his eyes; a girl younger than him had shot him. Tess recognized her from the volunteering side jobs; she had taught her to aim and shoot from a close range. The two held eye contact, and the kid's eyes watered.

Tess saw a flashlight moving closer to the building.

"Hold it," she ordered the shaky and nervous kids. They surprisingly complied, glad to be guided through their first mission.

She hated hope; it was a weakness, and it had never brought her anything good, even before the end of the times. Yet there she was, stopping a bunch of kids from firing a possible threat just in case that flashlight belonged to Joel or Tommy. Tess forced herself to sharpen her eyesight as much as she could. She saw three people approaching the building, two men around the same height and one with a shorter frame limping between them. Hope.

"Don't fire!" one of the men yelled. Tommy.

Tess ordered the kids to put down their guns and ran to meet the Millers; the remaining fireflies didn't stop her. 
Joel and Tommy looked okay, slightly disheveled, but very much alive and healthy. Their companion, on the other hand, was barely standing; they had gagged and bound him. 

"We don't have much time." Joel called, "He's been bitten but knows FEDRA's plans."

Two fireflies took the man and disappeared into one of the rooms for questioning or torture. Either way, he was dead. Tommy gave her a quick hug before joining them.

Tess wanted to touch Joel as if that would prove he was finally out of danger. She didn't.
"What happened?"

He sighed, not knowing where to start. "The city fell. From what he told us, the people began to riot once they realized the fireflies were attacking; they got word this camp outnumbered them and that the kids' disappearances were a killing spree directed by cold-blooded, trained soldiers. Fear, chaos; some guards tried running away and left the door open, and the infected took over. A few managed to escape. We ran into him on our way there."

"The gunshots?"

"He took my gun and tried to shoot himself," Joel explained, "but we couldn't return empty-handed. Where's your friend? Her brainwashing plan worked."

"Marlene's gone," she explained, "she thought your gunshots were FEDRA."

"Whoever's left will be coming, that's for sure. The open fire helped us find you; what was that?"

"A scared kid"

He didn't make further comments. There was no need.

Tommy reappeared, looking nervous.
"They're gonna keep him alive for longer; see what else they can get out of him."

"We're not gonna wait til the idiots lose control and infect everyone else," Tess told them. "There is some amo lying around the cafeteria. Take as much as you can. I have something to do."

Tess wasn't sure what the important thing she had to do was until she found the young girl she'd seen earlier. She pulled her aside into an empty room.
"Get out of here," Tess ordered. "You don't have long. Don't look back, ever."

The girl looked scared; her blondish hair was slightly stained with blood. She couldn't be older than 14.
"Can I take someone with me?"

Tess wanted to say no; a few months ago, she would have advised it without a doubt, but then again, why would she condemn a frightened girl to a life of distrust and solitude? She nodded and reached inside her bag; she had dug out the supplies the three had hidden and handed the girl the shampoo bottle she'd chosen to keep.
"Trade this for food, be quick."

The girl's eyes filled with tears, and she hugged her. Tess didn't move and pulled away after a few seconds.
"Go," she ordered one last time before walking away to meet Joel and Tommy.

The boys were too tired to fight about what their next destination would be, so they agreed to make their way up north for now, away from both the Fireflies and FEDRA's headquarters.
They walked through the rest of the night and into daylight, only stopping once they found an abandoned motel on their way. Only two of the infected, and one was already dead; killing it was easy—finally, some good luck.

They took a suite that connected two rooms through an arch with a tacky bead curtain. 

Joel began to plan the sleeping arrangements, but by then, Tommy was already sleeping in one of the rooms, so naturally, she and Joel walked into the other one.

They lay on the mattress, and she offered to stay awake and keep watch; for the first time, he didn't try to dissuade her and fell asleep. 

Joel wasn't the type of person who looked peaceful in his sleep; quite the contrary, his face uncovered all he hid, and his half-opened mouth would grumble and curse; most of it was nonsense. He began to shake more than usual, probably one of his recurring nightmares; Tommy would usually wake him up, so she decided to reach for his arm.

Joel's eyes opened wide, and his free hand tightened around hers.

"It's just me," she tried to calm him down. "You had a nightmare."

Tess pulled his hand up and placed it on his own chest, with her hand supporting it.

"Breathe," she tried calming him down, his heartbeat pouncing violently. "Try to bring your heart rate down."

Joel closed his eyes and followed her instructions; as she tried to move away her hand, he reached for her once more, this time gentler but with the same desperation. Tess wrapped her fingers around his, not sure if she was doing it for herself more than for him, and both of them held onto each other tightly. 

She felt his heartbeat slowing down, his breath matching hers, and their grip relaxing but not letting go. 

"Joel," she whispered.

"Yes?" his eyes still closed.

"Let's stick together from now on."

"Deal"

Chapter Text

Unanimously they agreed to stay at the motel for a couple of days to save their energy and trace a new plan; winter was only starting, and none of them were familiar with the region of Virginia and what to expect of it, so it was essential to be prepared for all scenarios and to find a place to stay for an extended time where food and shelter would be available. Strategic planning flowed without obstacles, but their dynamic changed.

Tess didn't expect anything from anyone, and Joel wasn't the exception, but his absolute indifference after sharing a vulnerable moment had been almost offensive.

There was no use in being upset, so instead, she avoided being alone with Joel, not enough to be blatantly obvious, but enough to realize how much they sought to be close to each other. Having been away from the brothers had helped her decide to stay by their side, but now that her mind was made up, was she more attached to them than they were to her?

Even if they had searched and secured the building, she continued to look for something useful, it was a shitty excuse to keep her days busy, but it helped her nonetheless. There weren't a lot of valuable items lying around a place like that; most were cigarettes and unsanitary used products, but she did find a hidden gun in the lobby and a bag of unopened chips. Fucking jackpot.

Tess made her way to one of the lovely rooms and climbed inside an empty jacuzzi to enjoy her chips. The surface was uncomfortable, cold, and slippery; her being there was ridiculous, but so was everything else, so it seemed fitting.

A knock on the door, probably not a raider.

"It's open," she answered and hid the bag of chips inside her jacket.

Joel entered the room and closed the door behind him; if he was confused about her choice of seat, he did not comment.
"Hey"

"Everything okay?" she asked with indifference; it was almost embarrassing to admit it gave her some sense of justice to treat him the same way he had.

"You tell me," he seemed taken aback by her tone. Even if they did have long conversations, their most honest ones were in complete silence, their eyes uncovering words that could not be spoken, allowing a more profound sense of understanding, but when he tried to find that side of her, she replaced it with a stone-cold glance. "what's going on?"

She shrugged, uninterested and bored, wanting him to turn around and leave like he usually does when Tommy has annoyed him enough; she then pulled out her bag of chips and continued eating.

"Didn't realize you were busy," his tone sarcastic. Annoying Joel was ridiculously easy.

"Extremely busy" She slowly and loudly took a bite of another chip.

"Tess," he called impatiently, "I'm tryna have a conversation."

"Oh, now you wanna talk," she muttered, not expecting him to hear.

"What does that mean?"

Shit. Sometimes his right ear did work. How convenient.

"What do you want, Joel?" She asked instead of continuing their petty fight. That question had so many layers implying stuff not even she was ready to discuss, let alone expected him to, but it was tiring to pretend not to care.

He didn't answer, which meant he understood what she was genuinely asking; at least, his silence was honest.

Tess sighed, knowing this wasn't going anywhere; there was no use torturing an already tortured man.
She lifted her bag of chips, inviting him to eat. To her surprise, he also climbed inside the jacuzzi; sitting shoulder to shoulder, the two ate the remaining chips.

"I can't give you what you want," he spoke out of the blue.

"How do you know what I want?"

He turned to her, a stern look on his face."I'm being serious, Tess."

"So am I" She stopped him."You have no idea of what I've lived, what I've lost, and most definitely what I want. I don't expect anything from you other than what I know you can give"

"And what is that?"

"Whatever you can, whatever is left," she answered.

"How's that gonna be enough?"

"It won't, but that's who we are."

Joel was the one who leaned closer, but Tess was the one that kissed him.

Hungry, patient, desperate, delicate. Their mouths clashed against each other, and their bodies searched to close the space between them. They broke the kiss to take their clothes off, lots of layers had her struggling, but he proceeded to help her.

The blinding heat of the moment was being replaced with something stronger. It wasn't his lips or his strong arms around her body that caused such intense feelings inside of her; it was his careful touch, the way he didn't blink when seeing her scars, how he positioned himself so her body didn't touch the cold jacuzzi surface, and how he hung onto her, not her body, her.

Tommy's voice called for them.

They pulled apart so fast it seemed like they weren't halfway there; it was almost unbearable, but they managed to get dressed, climb out of the stupid jacuzzi and run out of the room to find Tommy.

They had pulled out their guns expecting the worst but instead found the youngest Miller triumphantly holding an old pamphlet.

"What the hell, Tommy?" Tess relaxed and tried to catch her breath. "Thought you were dying or something."

"What is it?" Joel asked, also short of breath.

Tommy pointed at the pamphlet again, although less enthusiastically
"Found it in a suitcase; it's promotional for a resort of cabins in the woods, not too far from what I managed to read."

Tess took the pamphlet and felt Joel's body looking over her shoulder
"Looks rustic enough to suggest they probably didn't rely on electricity."

"I'll go get the map," Joel volunteered and walked away.

Perhaps she stared at him a little too long for Tommy to catch that and comment.
"He noticed you were avoiding him."

"He can be annoying" She oversimplified things, but it was still a valid answer.

"Are you two okay?"

Tess could not do anything about her past or his, there were ghosts more powerful than they'd let the other know about, but for the first time, she was willing to let herself feel.
"I think so, yes."