Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“GUYS! Guys! Ohmygod, you guys!”

Kenny didn’t have to look up from his locker to know who that voice belonged to. Slight curiosity, but mostly boredom, won the best of him, and he turned his focus to a certain approaching Cartman. Kyle and Stan seemed to do the same, albeit the former with more annoyance than the other.

“It’s seven in the morning, Cartman,” Kyle huffed, “can you at least wait a few more hours before you start being the most obnoxious person on Earth?”

“Kahl, not even you and your dumb Jew attempts to insult me can ruin this day for me. This might possibly be the best day of my entire life”

Stan rolled his eyes, “Dude. You say that, like, twice a week.”

“Do not! Name one other time that I’ve said that!”

Kenny tugged down his parka, “That one time Kyle tripped up the stairs to the stage to give a student council speech.”

“When you found a ten dollar bill in a Denny’s parking lot.” Kyle said, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Literally yesterday, when we had a hot substitute teacher for English class.” Stan pointed out, closing his locker as the warning bell for first period rang throughout the hallway. Him and Kyle began walking towards their first hour class, AP Chemistry, and Kenny followed suit. He had a study hall this hour, but he didn’t mind being a couple minutes late to it.

“Wait! Don’t you guys want to know why my day is so great?”

Kyle pretended to think for a second before continuing to walk away, “No.”

Kenny snickered as Cartman’s face dropped in annoyance, and watched with amusement as the boy struggled to keep up with the fast pace of the others. Unfortunately, he managed to speed in front of them, effectively blocking them from moving forwards.

“Dude,” Stan said quickly, nervously glancing at Kyle and his growing irritation, “can it wait ‘till lunch?”

“No! I have to rub it in Kyle’s face right now, or I’ll die!” That caught Kyle’s attention, much to Stan’s visible dismay. Kenny sighed - it really was too early to be dealing with Cartman and Kyle’s bickering. He decided to try and intervene - mostly because Stan was starting to look like Tweek with how close to tearing his hair out he seemed to be.

“We have two minutes ‘till the late bell rings,” He shrugged, “I’m sure your gloating can wait, buddy.”

“Oh, but it can’t, Kinny. It really, really can’t.” He knew that most of Cartman’s brags were over something completely stupid, but for some reason, the smirk on his friend’s face sent off warning signals in his head.

He watched as Cartman tore his phone out of his pocket and shoved it in Kyle’s face. The red-head seemed confused at first, but slowly, his features morphed into a look of utter disbelief. He ripped Cartman’s phone out of his hand, and began rapidly scrolling down on some sort of document. Kenny made eye-contact with Stan above Kyle’s head, but the other seemed just as lost as he was.

“No…” Kyle gaped down at the phone, seemingly the exact response that Cartman had wanted, if his gleeful giggle was any indication. Stan forcibly took the phone from his best friend to figure out what was going on while Kyle looked up to stare at his other friend in horror. Kenny furrowed his eyebrows as he heard Stan gasp over the sound of Cartman’s incessant laughter. What could be so bad that both Kyle and Stan were appalled? He decided to just walk over to Stan and peer over his shoulder. At first, all Kenny seemed to notice was that it was some sort of document posted on a sketchy, unsecure website. Then he saw the title, and felt his eyes widen in shock. Distantly, he could hear the bell ringing, meaning they were late to class, but it barely did anything to shake him out of the trance he was in. His eyes were glued to the screen.

“...Shit.” He weakly breathed out.

South Park Senior Boys: Totally HOT to totally NOT
1. Stan Marsh - Who doesn’t love the tall, dark, and handsome look? Plus, the bleached hair REALLY works for him.
2. Craig Tucker - Hot bod, even hotter attitude? Sign me up! Everyone wants a chance with the school’s resident bad boy.
3. Tolkien Black - A football player AND a choir soloist. Hot AND a gentleman. He’s the best of all worlds.
4. Clyde Donovan - There’s nothing more attractive than a man in touch with his sensitive side. Especially when he’s as hot as Clyde.

The list went on. Kenny scrolled, finding the source of Cartman’s joy.

15. Pip Pirrip - Pretty boring, and could definitely use a wardrobe change. Who doesn’t love a good accent, though?
16. Eric Cartman - The school’s biggest (literally) asshole. But… he does have a certain charm.
17. Kyle Broflovski - Sorry, but the red hair is a huge distraction. Not to mention those curls. Yikes! We have to admit, though, he IS very attractive on the basketball court.

Oh, Jesus. Cartman was never going to let this go. Kenny internally cringed for Kyle. South Park High’s senior class wasn’t super big, so it didn’t take long for the blonde to scroll to the very bottom of the list.

28. Tweek Tweak - Way too much of a spaz. The combination of freckles, pale skin, and dark eyebags doesn’t do Zombie-Boy any favors, either.
29. Kenny McCormick - Could definitely use a shower. Or three. We’re praying a better haircut is in his future.
30. Marjorine Stotch - You can change your name, but you can’t change the facts. Stop dressing so girly and we can talk.

Kenny’s own description completely left his mind after reading who came after him. He felt his blood boil, and clenched his fists in anger. Marjorine didn’t belong on that list for two very obvious reasons: 1) she was the most beautiful girl Kenny had ever laid eyes on, and 2) she was the most beautiful girl Kenny had ever laid eyes on. If he ever found out who wrote this list, he was going to-

“Please, tell me what it’s like, Kahl? Tell me what it’s like to have it known, school-wide, that I am hotter than YOU!”

“You better shut your mouth, Cartman! Or I’ll shut it for you!”

Kenny whipped his head up to see Kyle seething, holding a smirking Cartman by his collar, with a threatening fist raised. Stan noticed too, visibly tensing up at the sight of his best friend. He quickly unfroze himself and shoved Cartman’s phone back into his hands, before turning to Kyle.

“Dude, I know, he’s an asshole,” the black-haired boy held his hands up in an attempt to calm down the other, “but this is what he wants. For you to lose your shit over this. Over a dumb list that doesn’t mean anything. C’mon, let’s just get to class before we’re even more late.”

Kenny held his breath as Kyle didn’t acknowledge Stan’s words, never taking his eyes off of the boy in his grasp. Finally, after a few seconds, he released Cartman’s collar, sending him tumbling a few steps backwards. Stan seemed to melt in relief.

Kyle immediately stormed off, leaving Stan to scamper after him. When the two disappeared from view, Kenny turned his attention to the source of everything that had just happened.

“That was a dick move, Cartman.”

“Whatever, Kinny. You’re just mad because you’re the ugliest one of the friend group.”

The blonde watched his friend(?) walk away, irritated at how entertained the other was by the situation. Staring up at the leaky ceiling of the hallway, he wondered just how big of a deal this was going to turn out to be. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.

A vibration in his pocket caused Kenny to fish his old, cracked phone out. Cartman had posted the link to the website and tagged as many people as he could. Kenny closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. Study hall be damned, he needed a fucking smoke break.

Chapter Text

Tweek had changed a lot between his freshman and senior year of high school, in both looks and manner. His hair was still wild and messy, but now looked more purposeful than before. He started wearing knit sweaters over his button-ups, mostly to hide the mismatched buttons that he could never get the hang of. He still had a lot of anxiety, but it was… different. He wasn’t as naive as he used to be, and his paranoia had improved a substantial amount. His hands still shook, now more than ever before, but his outbursts had almost completely disappeared.

That is, until he saw Cartman’s post.

Stupid, stupid. He was so stupid for not seeing this coming. Sitting against the rough brick exterior of the school building, he let out a breathy, humorless laugh. Ten minutes ago, he had gotten the notification about Cartman’s post. Ten minutes ago, Tweek had proved everyone that doubted his progress right when he flipped his lid and ran out of his classroom.

Angrily, the blonde clenched his fists in the grass surrounding him, attempting to ground himself. His knuckles were almost white with how tight he was grasping the greenery.

“Tweek?”

He squeaked in surprise, ripping handfuls of grass from the soil as his head shot up in the direction of the voice.

“Oh,” Tweek sighed in relief, “hi, Kenny.”

He watched as Kenny sat himself down on the ground next to him, the boy’s expression flat and unreadable. As they made eye contact, though, Tweek could slowly begin to see concern etched on the other’s face.

Kenny pulled a lighter out of his pocket, “Guess you saw the list, too, huh?”

Tweek was grateful that Kenny respectfully kept his smoke blown in the opposite direction from him. He had smoked a few times before, out of curiosity or stress, but it always ended in a panic attack over cancer or some other disease.

“Yeah, I- uh, yeah. I did.”

“Are you okay?”

“I…” Tweek’s mouth was dry, and his mind was racing, “I think so? I don’t really care about what some- GAH -some random girls think. I guess I’m just… confused.”

At this confession, Kenny turned his body quickly to face Tweek, making the blonde flinch in surprise.

“That’s exactly how I feel!” Kenny said animatedly, waving his cigarette in the air out of frustration, “I mean, seriously. What are we, in fifth grade?” Tweek laughed.

“I don’t know, man. Guess some people still have, hnn, middle school senses of humor.”

They sat in silence for a second, Tweek squinting up at the sky while Kenny finished off his cigarette. Tweek tried to relax in the comfortable silence between them, but he was still so wired from that stupid post. At least Kenny seemed pretty upset about the situation as well. It gave Tweek relief knowing that he wasn’t completely overreacting. Kenny always seemed to be able to make Tweek feel sane. He was glad that the two had gotten closer in high school, he really appreciated Kenny’s well-timed humor and reassurance.

“Did you see what they wrote about Marj?” Tweek turned his head slightly to see Kenny gritting his teeth, anger painted on his face.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “she got the worst of it. I can’t believe someone would even say something like that.”

“I’m gonna beat their ass if I ever find out who it was.” Tweek snorted. The situation wasn’t funny, but the ridiculousness of it all was laughable. Kenny’s lips turned up at the corners before he gave in and chuckled alongside Tweek.

“Are you okay, dude?”

Tweek watched his friend carefully, looking for any signs of distress. The other blonde sighed and hung his head. Tweek frowned.

“I’m sorry, man.” Tweek hesitated before continuing, “...Fuck that list.”

Kenny grinned, although his eyes were still cloudy, “And fuck the list-makers, too.”

Tweek smiled softly, leaning over to bump his shoulder against his friend’s. Kenny yawned, and shifted so that he was laying on the cool grass, his head on Tweek’s thighs.

“Fuckin’ motherfuckers…” Tweek heard him mumble. The blonde’s orange parka gave Tweek something to look at, to reminisce about. He thought back to middle school, how big it used to be on his friend, and how now it was snugly filled out. It led him to thinking about how if Kenny had practically laid in his lap back then, he would’ve freaked out, and probably would’ve screamed something about how the bright-colored coat would attract birds to come peck out their eyes or something. He sighed again, watching as the cold air turned his breath into a wispy sort of thing, before fading completely. He thought that there was maybe a metaphor there somewhere, but was too tired to think any harder on it. They sat like that for a long time, Tweek leaning his back against the bricks with Kenny resting his head in his lap.

Finally, the faint sound of the bell ringing lifted the two blondes from their spot. Kenny said something about needing to check and make sure Kyle hadn’t killed Cartman yet, but Tweek was barely listening. His head was foggy, and he really, really needed some coffee. He watched Kenny disappear around the corner, before groaning and pressing his palms against his eyes, making himself see stars. Begrudgingly, he forced himself to make his way to his second period, too nervous to miss any more class.

*

He knew it wasn’t unprovoked paranoia making him jittery as he slowly walked through the cafeteria, feeling multiple pairs of eyes tracking his every move. He kept his own eyes firmly stuck to his feet, carefully darting to his lunch table. Upon arrival, he dropped into his seat and let out a sigh of relief, already feeling the spotlight begin to leave him in search for its next victim.

“I mean, who am I to deny what the list is saying!” Clyde laughed boisterously, beaming at his friends, “It acknowledged how hot the ladies find me, so whatever it says must be tr-! O-Oh, hey, Tweek! Didn’t see you there, buddy…”

Tweek’s cheeks burned as his friend trailed off nervously. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He wished everyone would just ignore the existence of the list and talk like normal. Their lunch table was uncomfortably quiet as the rest of the lunchroom roared in Tweek’s ears.

“I-I’m fine, Clyde. I don’t care about some dumb ranking. Don’t make me hit you.” The blonde glared at his friend, who held his hands up in surrender with a nervous smile.

“Regardless of if you care or not,” Tolkien eyed Tweek, making him sweat, “what the list said about you was complete crap. Whoever wrote it is probably just some pathetic person who gets off on other peoples’ embarrassment.” Tweek looked down at his lunch tray, purposefully avoiding Tolkien’s knowing gaze. He didn’t feel too hungry, but he was really starting to wish he had packed an extra thermos of coffee with him that day. He had gulped down what he brought to school that day before first period even started. He inwardly cursed himself, reprimanding past Tweek for not being able to predict the future-

“Here, Tweek.” He whipped his head to the side to see a bored-looking Craig extending something towards him. Was that..?

“Coffee. Take it, I can’t drink this stuff.” Tweek practically dove forward to take the thermos from Craig, immediately swallowing a quarter of the liquid down.

“W-Why bring it to s-sch-school if- if you h-h-hate it?” Jimmy smirked knowingly, causing Tweek to tilt his head in confusion. He watched Craig frown ever so slightly, in a way that no one would notice unless they were paying close attention, and narrow his eyes at their friend.

Clyde leaned forward from the opposite side of the table, “Oh, I think we all know why he-” The boy was effectively cut off by what Tweek assumed was Craig stomping on his foot under the table. Clyde gripped his ankle in pain, groaning and cursing his best friend out.

“Alright, you guys,” Tolkien rolled his eyes, “knock it off. We don’t need any more drama today.”

Evidently, the boy had spoken too soon, as Tweek flinched at the sudden, irritating sound of venomous laughter coming from behind him.

Cartman.

Tweek turned around in his seat, confirming his suspicions as none other than Eric motherfucking Cartman sneered down at him.

“I’m surprised to see you eating this, Zombie-Boy,” the fat teen grinned, grabbing an apple off of Tweek’s lunch tray, “are you sure you wouldn’t prefer braiiiiins?”

“Fuck off, Cartman, sit your ass down and leave him alone.” Tweek was surprised to hear Kyle’s voice. The red-head had stood up from his table as well, arms crossed as he gazed on in their direction, unimpressed.

Cartman rolled his eyes, “Maybe you should worry about your own hair before getting all up in mine, Kahl. Because, yikes, remember?” Kyle’s face turned as red as his aforementioned hair, and Tweek winced at the cruelty of the boy’s words. He saw a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye, and suddenly Craig was turned around in his seat as well.

“Fuck off. Right now.” Craig glowered. Cartman seemed to struggle for words, probably knowing that he had no leverage on the boy who was ranked higher than him. He grumbled something, and Tweek’s eyes carefully followed him as he walked off from their table in annoyance.

The blonde turned and dropped his head onto the table, groaning, “This is so, GAH, stupid! Why does shit like this always happen here??”

He didn’t want to look up and see Tolkien’s pointed frown, or Clyde’s nervous eyes. So he kept his forehead against the cool, plastic table, eyes closed as he tried to take calming breaths.

“Hey, Bad Boy,” the sultry voice caused Tweek to raise his head just enough to watch a group of girls passing by their table, one of them squeezing Craig’s shoulder while on her way, “call me sometime.” Her friends giggled as she winked, but seemed to miss the repulsed look from the boy in question.

Craig yanked on the sides of his hat, displeasure written all over his face, “Who the fuck uses the term, ‘Bad Boy’ unironically?” It seemed like Jimmy was about to make a joke at that, but another table from across the lunchroom began calling out to Tolkien and Clyde, flirting with the high-ranking boys.

Craig’s features slowly became horror-struck, as Tweek assumed he probably realized this would be his fate until the fad died out. To be fair, Craig had always been sought after, but most girls or guys gave up after a few days of his unending apathy. Something tugged at Tweek’s heart in a painful way, but he refused to look too far into it. All he needed to do was get through this school day, and then get through his shift tonight at the cafe. Easy enough, right?

Chapter Text

Marjorine really, really loved sitcoms. Funny characters, engaging story lines, heart-wrenching angst, and love stories that made her own heart soar. It was silly, but sometimes she liked to imagine that her life was a sitcom. That an invisible audience was watching her smooth down her pretty sundress, and preparing themselves for whatever wacky misadventure she would go on next!

The thing about sitcoms, though, was that the problems presented in them were almost always able to be solved within a thirty-minute episode. It made for fun, fast-paced television. But right now, Marjorine had a problem that she didn’t think would have such an easy fix. The invisible audience dissipated from her mind, and Marjorine could see that her life was nothing like a sitcom.

She had been at a dentist appointment when news of the list reached her. Wendy had texted her, asking if she was alright, and a pit had immediately formed in her stomach. After the appointment, she went back home instead of to school like she had planned. She liked to believe that she was an optimistic person, and that she could always see the best in any situation!

But this one felt different.

She stood in front of her full-body mirror, sweaty palms smoothing away invisible wrinkles on her dress. It was a white dress, with tiny pink flowers sprinkled all over it. It was a pretty dress. It made Marjorine feel pretty.

She wondered distantly if feeling pretty was different than actually being pretty.

One of her hands came up to tug at a blonde strand, analyzing the way her shoulder-length hair gently swished the tips of her collarbones. Her lips were glossy and pink, thanks to a lip gloss tube that Bebe had gifted her for her birthday. She wore a dainty gold necklace with miniature hoop earrings that matched. She worried that the longer she stared at her appearance and analyzed her outfit, the harder it would be to look away. Thankfully, a ringing from her phone startled her out of her trance.

“Hey, Marjorine!” Wendy’s voice floated through her phone, “I was just calling to check in. You never answered my text, so I got a little worried.”

“Oh, gee, sorry, Wendy! I’ve just been really busy all day, so…” The blonde replied sheepishly, a blush surfacing on her cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad we’re talking now. How are you doing?”

Marjorine hesitated, not sure of how to answer that.

“I’m okay, Wendy. I appreciate you checkin’ up on me and all, but I think I’d rather not talk about that list for now.”

“That’s totally understandable!” Wendy said quickly, “Um… Okay! Why don’t we talk about-” Whatever Wendy was going to say next was cut off by Marjorine’s phone beeping to notify her that she had a second call request coming through. She would feel guilty about it later, but for now, Marjorine thanked heaven for this perfect escape opportunity.

“Oh, hamburgers, Wendy! I’ve gotta let you go! I have a call on another line, and I have to take it. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, though!” Before Wendy’s confused noises could turn into protests, Marjorine hung up the phone and accepted the other call, not even looking at the caller ID.

“Art class sucked today without you, Marj.” The girl giggled, happy to hear Kenny’s voice on the other end of the call. She had been wanting to talk to him all day, but something she couldn’t quite identify had been holding her back.

She backed away from her mirror, flopping on her bed, “You never do anything in art class, anyways, Ken!”

“Exactly! So without you, I was just bored with nothing to do.”

“What about starting the project we got assigned last week?”

“...I said I was bored, not desperate, Marj.”

She giggled again, and could almost see Kenny’s goofy smile as he talked.

“Well, gee, Ken,” she teased, “you don’t have to miss me too much. I’ll be back tomorrow!” Kenny sighed dramatically, and Marjorine bit her lip to hold back more laughter. She couldn’t keep encouraging his antics like this.

“I can’t wait that long, I’m going through withdrawal from not seeing the only cool person in this town!” The boy’s voice was muffled a bit, like he was moving around somewhere, “Wanna come meet me at Stark’s Pond?”

Marjorine’s cheeks flushed, and her heart skipped a beat. Then she frowned.

“...I dunno, Ken. I’m-”

“Marjorine, if that sentence ends in any way other than amazing or awesome or… some other variation, I’m going to come over there and smother you with a pillow.” She couldn’t hold back her laughter this time, feeling full with contentment.

She bounced off her bed to grab her white converse, smiling from ear to ear, “Alright, alright! I’ll be there in just a sec, I need to figure a way out without my dad knowing.”

Kenny clicked his tongue, “Marjorine Stotch! Sneaking out? What would our friends say!”

“Probably somethin’ about how they figured you put me up to it.”

Kenny laughed, and Marjorine beamed at the sound. Then he promised he’d be waiting for her when she got there, and they hung up the phone. The only things she knew about sneaking out were what she learned from TV shows and movies, but since that was all she had, she decided to utilize it. She rummaged through her closet, grabbing several clothing articles to stuff under her covers, hoping the shape looked enough like that of a sleeping girl in case her dad came up to her room to check on her.

When she went to grab a particularly soft sweater, something from the shelf behind it was knocked down onto the ground. She probably wouldn’t have realized if not for the glint of the object catching her eye. The blonde bent down to pick whatever it was up, and gasped in surprise. It was a few scraps of crinkled-up tin foil, along with the other staples of her childhood costume - Professor Chaos! Marjorine smiled softly, thinking back to the silly quests she would send herself on as a child to ‘bring order to the world’.

Her smile stuttered.

It was dumb, but she wondered what Professor Chaos would do about the list situation. She would probably come up with a scheme to figure out who made the list, and then take ‘em down!

Looking down at the flimsy pieces of aluminum, Marjorine wondered if she should take some advice from her old alter-ego.

Sure, she wasn’t very confrontational. The girl prided herself in her ability to always see the best in people, and stay optimistic in the face of adversity. But that was Marjorine.

Maybe she needed to be a little less Marjorine, and a little more Professor Chaos.

She twisted around to look at herself in her mirror once again, now with a determined smile on her lips.

“I’m going to find who made that list, and I’m going to get some answers.”

Chapter Text

Grinning wickedly, Kenny zipped up his parka and ruffled his hair. This day may have been shit so far, but at least now he got to see Marj.

His Marj.

High school was really what sparked their friendship. When the girl had started to transition in seventh grade, they weren’t super close, but Kenny did his best to be a friendly face for her. He was still feeling really guilty about the prominent scar across her eye from the accident when they were younger. She’d told him a million times that she forgave him, and that it meant nothing to her anymore, but Kenny still couldn’t help but feel ashamed. The brightest, most positive girl in the entire world was the one he hurt. Yeah, she forgave him, because that's who she is. She’s a good person. Kenny’s just…

He’s just Kenny. Trailer trash who could “use a shower”. Or three.

Shaking his head, as if the motion would make the negative thoughts disappear, the blonde boy took a deep breath and attempted to clear his mind. When he had decided he was calm enough, he opened the door of his room and made his way through the house towards the entrance.

Something stopped him when he was halfway down the hallway. It was quiet in the house. Unusually quiet for this time of day, one his mother had drunkenly described as, “the happiest of happy hours”. There was no one in the living room, and when Kenny peaked his head into his parents’ room, that was empty as well. The only light in the house was the soft glow that came from underneath Karen’s closed door. Every time he saw that door, Kenny was reminded of how he had fought tooth and nail for Karen to be allowed to have her own room, rather than their father turning that space into a “man cave”. The room was roughly the size of a large closet, but he knew that his sister still appreciated the privacy it gave her.

Knocking lightly on the door and hearing his sister’s approval, Kenny slowly pushed the door open enough for him to stick his head in, “Hey, Kar-Bear, know where mom and dad are?”

His sister furrowed her eyebrows, “I distinctly remember telling you not to call me that.”

“And I distinctly remember choosing to ignore you and do it anyway. Now, answer my question.”

The younger girl sighed dramatically and went back to painting her toenails with the cheap drugstore nail polish that Kenny had… acquired for her. He couldn’t technically use the word “bought”, but it had been her birthday, so really, he figured it was justified.

Plus, the shop owner was a dick.

“Pretty sure they went to the bar, like, an hour ago. So they probably won’t be home for a while.”

Kenny frowned. Karen would need to eat soon, and he knew he couldn’t count on his parents to remember to bring her home food. He mentally counted up how much money he had earned from mowing the Broflovski’s and Testaburger’s lawns earlier that month.

“Okay, well, I’m going out for a bit, but I’ll bring you back something to eat. What do you want? Pizza?”

“Pizza?” Karen’s eyes lit up, and then Kenny watched her school her expression in order to not seem too excited, “What is today, a holiday?”

“Yup,” Kenny smirked, “it’s National Annoying-Little-Sister Day. Thought we should celebrate.” He narrowly dodged the pillow aimed at his head.

“Get out of my room, dickhead.” He just laughed and closed the door, acknowledging the smile he had put on his sister’s face despite the teasing.

He walked through the living room to leave, but stopped for a second when he heard Karen’s voice calling after him.

“Have fun with Marjorine!”

His face flushed in embarrassment. Stupid, annoying little sisters who think they know everything.

“I’ll tell her you say hi, Kar-Bare!” And with that, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

*

True to his word, Kenny arrived at Stark’s Pond first so that he could be there waiting when his friend arrived. He passed the time by skipping stones on the parts of the water that hadn’t yet frozen over.

“Ken!”

His breath caught in his throat at the sight of Marjorine’s blinding smile in the distance. He liked the way her hair swished back and forth as she ran over to meet him. He liked everything about her.

“Well, if it isn’t South Park’s newest delinquent! How does it feel to drop to the same level as the rest of us?”

“Oh boy, all I did was sneak out one time, Ken. Besides, I’d hope I was always on the same ‘level’ as you, or whatever that means. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else!”

And god, did that earnest response make Kenny’s breathing constrict.

As he helplessly gaped his mouth open and closed like a fish, Marjorine’s eyes seemed to catch on the objects in his hand.

“Woah, are you skippin’ stones? I never learned how to do that, but it seems awful cool! Can I watch?”

Kenny pretended his palms weren’t sweating in spite of the cold South Park weather, “Why just watch when you can learn? Let me show you.”

The excited little gasp from his friend made his grin grow even larger. Upon her insistence, Kenny gave a few example throws as a demonstration, but soon convinced her to try some of her own. He watched the blonde girl toss the stones, one after one simply sinking upon impact, and held back a wince of pity.

“Okay, okay, those throws weren’t bad.”

“You don’t have to lie to me Ken, those were terrible.”

“I’m not lying! They were laying the groundwork!”

The blonde girl raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, shaking her head at his weak defense.

“Here, you gotta hold it like this,” Kenny positioned himself behind Marjorine, gently holding her wrist and guiding her movements, “and then you just… flick it!” The stone hit the water, skipping three times before letting itself settle to the bottom of the pond. Marjorine whooped cheerfully, jumping up and down for her achievement. Kenny stepped back to give her room for her celebration, and watched, something stirring in his chest.

“See? Couldn’t have done that without the groundwork.”

Marjorine rolled her eyes playfully, making Kenny’s knees feel weak, “Uh, huh. I’m pretty sure you did most of the work on that last one anyways.”

The two laughed, and Kenny shoved his hands in his pockets so that he wouldn’t accidentally do something stupid, like reach out to touch Marjorine’s hand, or her face, or her waist…

“Earth to Ken?” Kenny blinked up to see the girl wiggling her fingers in front of his face, “You zoned out for a second there.”

“Sorry, just busy thinkin’ ‘bout you. Nice dress.” He reveled in the way a pink blush ran from her cheeks to the tips of her ears.

“Well, gee, thanks Ken!” She beamed, oblivious to the effect it had on his heart.
He started walking in a random direction, Marjorine following suit, “You know, you’re the only person who calls me Ken.”

“You’re the only person who calls me Marj.”

“Gotta separate myself from the competition.”

The girl giggled, encouraging Kenny to continue.

“No, seriously! I’m a nickname guy, it’s in my blood.”

“Your blood, huh? Well, I do remember you giving me a bunch of silly nicknames when we were kids.”

Kenny searched the corners of his mind, “When we were kids?”

“Yeah! You used to call me ‘Buttercup’ or ‘Butterfly’.” The girl looked down at the ground as she spoke, “I mean, I know you were probably teasin’ me or something, but I liked the names.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Kenny struggled to find the right words, “O-Oh! I guess I forgot about that. I think I- uh, stopped calling you those when you, erm, changed your name. Didn’t want to be disrespectful or accidentally make you feel bad or-”

“Hey,” Kenny’s words halted when Marjorine’s soft hands touched his arm, “that’s real sweet of you, Ken, but you don’t have to worry about that. I don’t like to be called my old name, but… I liked those ones. They made me feel special.” Her face grew more and more pink as she spoke, like she was confessing her deepest secret.

“Good to know.” He flashed her a warm smile, easing her own nervous one into more of a happy grin. The two walked together in comfortable silence, content with the simple company.

Eventually, they made it through most of the small town, occasionally making conversation about a current event or some new drama at school. They seemed to have a silent agreement not to bring up the list.

While passing by a familiar building, Kenny caught a flash of blonde hair in one of the windows. Marjorine seemed to have seen it, too.

“Hey, that’s Tweek! Let’s go in and say hi!” Kenny let himself be dragged inside the cafe by the other, immediately feeling the warm heat wash over his frozen skin. The Tweek Bro’s cafe was empty besides a singular employee, a twitchy blonde who had yet to notice the pair’s entrance. Kenny and Marjorine made their way up to the counter that their friend was behind, taking seats on the high-top chairs placed there. Kenny watched Tweek shuffle around his workspace frantically, muttering something to himself that was too quiet for Kenny to hear.

“That’s off… That’s off… That’s o-AH! OH GOD, JESUS!” Tweek turned mid-sentence to see the two teenagers seated in front of him, jumping backwards and making Kenny burst into laughter.

“What the hell, you guys! W-Why would sneak up on me like that?!” Tweek demanded, making Majorine smile guiltily.

“Sorry, Tweek, we didn’t know it would scare you! I thought you had heard the door chime when we came in.” Slowly, the anxiety faded from Tweek’s features, and he loosened the grip he had on a broom grabbed during the commotion.

“Ack, sorry,” Tweek tugged at a few blonde strands near the back of his neck, “it’s almost closing time, so I was cleaning up and not paying enough attention, I guess.”

Marjorine frowned, “Oh, well, we can leave if you need to focus!”

“No, no!” Tweek looked up, frenzied, “You guys are okay, you can stay! I’m just checking over a few things, anyways.” Marjorine smiled happily in response, and Kenny figured he should add to the conversation.

“Where’s Mr. and Mrs. Tweak on this lovely night?” He said, wiggling his eyebrows, earning an annoyed look from Tweek.

The boy fiddled with his uniform, “They, uh, left a couple of hours ago, I think? I think my dad, um… I think my dad found out about the list.” Kenny’s smirk immediately dropped from his face, and the cafe went quiet, not a noise between it’s three inhabitants besides the drumming of Tweek’s fingers on the countertop.

Kenny spoke slowly, trying to gauge Tweek’s emotions, “Why do you think that your dad knows about the list?” The other boy’s response came as no surprise to Kenny.

“Cartman came in earlier while they were still here, and started spouting some bullshit. I saw my dad go on his phone afterward, and I think he was trying to find Cartman’s post. He didn’t really say anything before they left.”

“Why would he care about some stupid high school drama?” Tweek stayed silent, and Kenny figured he shouldn’t push the subject, despite wanting to.

Marjorine huffed, “That dumb list hasn’t even been out a whole day, and it’s already caused all this trouble. I really hate this town, sometimes.” Kenny and Tweek both nodded solemnly in agreement.

“Hey, us blondes gotta stick together, right?” Kenny nudged, attempting to lighten the mood, “We’re the coolest ones in South Park.”

“Actually, according to the list, we’re the, GAH, ugliest.” Tweek pointed out.

“I don’t know who made that list,” Marjorine shook her head, “but whoever it was doesn’t know what they’re talking about. You two are real attractive, honest. You don’t belong at the bottom.”

“Neither do you, Marjorine,” Tweek fiddled with his thumbs, “you’re not even a boy. You have no reason to be on that list.” The girl smiled softly in appreciation.

“Plus, you’re super pretty.” Kenny blurted out, eyes immediately widening at his own words.

“W-What?”

Okay, this is fine, Kenny. Just backtrack. Say “Nothing”, and move on. Simple as that. It’s just one word, this will be easy.

“Uh,” he stuttered, “I just mean, besides putting a girl on the list, why put one of the prettiest ones on there? Doesn’t make sense…”

Jesus Christ, Kenny.

“O-Oh, Gee, Ken. Thank you.” Marjorine said meekly, fidgeting her hands.

Oh crap, you idiot, Kenny mentally kicked himself, you made her uncomfortable.

“He’s right, Marjorine. You’re very pretty.” Tweek added, glancing nervously between his two friends, and Kenny thanked him profusely in his head. If he wasn’t so gone on Marjorine, he might’ve kissed the boy right then and there.

“Thanks, fellas’, that means a lot.”

“W-Well,” Tweek’s eyes shifted between his friends and the clock, “I should probably lock up for the night. Do you guys want any of the leftover bakery goods that didn’t sell today?” He motioned towards a glass case, and Kenny’s stomach rumbled. He bit his tongue, not allowing himself to take food from his friend.

Tweek seemed to read Kenny’s mind, much to his dismay, and leveled a piercing gaze at him, “Anything not sold by the end of the day gets thrown out. You both should, ack, take whatever you want. It’d be helpful.” Marjorine smiled happily at the boy, making her way around the counter to pick out what she would take home with her. Kenny’s feet still felt glued to the floor.

“I think last time Karen came in with her friends, she mentioned really liking these pastries. You should bring her s-some.” Not for the first time, Kenny blinked at Tweek in pure awe. He watched the sporadic boy keep his hands steady enough to package some pastries together and force them into Kenny’s hands before he could object.

“Thank you, man.” Kenny hoped his gratitude was transferred through his eyes. From Tweek’s flustered nod, he figured it was.

Both Kenny and Marjorine walked out of the cafe with large brown bags labeled with the Tweek Bro’s logo. Tweek had convinced them to go on ahead without him, as his house wasn’t too far out. It took Kenny by surprise, wondering if Tweek had outgrown the fear that he would be kidnapped at any given second.

Probably not. But he figured Tweek was at least trying to fake that he wasn’t constantly terrified, which made Kenny oddly proud of him.

Kenny walked Marjorine to her house- or, as far as he could before she made him stop so that her dad wouldn’t catch sight of him.

“Thanks for today, Ken,” the girl said softly, “I had so much fun. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?” Kenny wished her goodbye, and watched carefully as the girl walked away, until she was completely out of sight.

Now completely by himself, and in the fluorescent light of the street lamp under the night sky, Kenny let himself reflect on the day. He was glad that he made Marjorine feel good, but the feeling was laced with uncertainty.

Marjorine was everything that he wasn’t. She was clean and proper, neat and orderly, and not… empty-handed like he was. He really wanted to keep making Marjorine happy, maybe to even… tell her how he really felt. But-

Could he give her what she deserved? He could barely scrap enough money together to buy his sister a pizza for dinner. He was the one who "needed a shower". Was he too dirty for her? All he knew was that Marjorine deserved the world.

And Kenny didn’t really feel so essential.

He took one last look in the direction that the girl had walked off in, and then turned on his heels to go hunt down dinner for his sister.

Chapter Text

The walk home from the cafe wasn’t something Tweek was looking forward to. Despite every warning signal going off in his head, he had sent Kenny and Marjorine off together after insisting he could walk himself home.

Stupid.

Not even twenty feet from the cafe was when the blonde started to see figures in the dark, and movement out of the corner of his eye.

Maybe he should turn around? He could always spend the night at the shop. But what if someone broke in while he was asleep? What if they robbed the store or, OH GOD- what if they KILLED him-

No, no, stop. Deep breaths. He’s been working on this, right? Control your thoughts, Tweek, don’t let them control you.

Control your thoughts.
Control your thoughts.
Control you th-

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”

After a few seconds of silence following his outburst, Tweek slowly opened his eyes to see… a bunny. There was a bunny on the sidewalk next to him, sniffing at the leaf it had crunched underfoot. That must be the source of the sound that had made Tweek freak out.

“...God damnit.”

Tweek trudged the rest of the way home, desperately wanting to just immediately book it to his room upon arrival and knock out for the night. But, he knew that wasn’t an option. He was uneasy thinking about whether or not his parents had discovered the list. Back in the shop, Kenny had asked him why his parents would care about something that didn’t concern them. It almost made Tweek want to laugh. Tweek’s parents loved him, he knew that!

But he also knew that they really loved Tweak Bro’s. And he wasn’t sure which outweighed the other.

Finally at his doorstep, Tweek shakily took his house key out from his pocket, and fumbled with the lock until he was finally able to push it open. Once inside, and with the door shut behind him, the blonde was drawn to the light spilling from the dining room. He shuffled forward, creeping to the edge of the corner of the wall to listen for his parents.

“...at…oy…we…shop!” He pressed his ear to the wall and did his best to strain his hearing.

“...ink about it, honey,” came a voice that belonged to his dad, “if the kids at school think so low of our son, what must our customers think?”

Shit.

“I suppose you’re right. We have Tweek manning the register right now, and maybe our business has been so slow recently because he’s the first thing people see when they walk in.”

Okay, ouch. He knew his parents cared about the shop’s reputation, but this seemed a little far. He couldn’t say he was super surprised, though, as this is exactly what he figured would happen once his parents found out about his ranking.

“The problem is that we don’t have any other employees to take over for him. We have to come up with a different solution.”

“Well… That thing did say that he had dark eye bags. Maybe we can encourage him to drink more coffee? Hopefully get rid of those?

“Maybe we ought to up the serving of our secret ingredient in his drinks.”

Tweek had heard enough. He quietly walked away from his hiding place and quickly ran up the stairs to his room. He had no idea what the “secret ingredient” his parents were talking about was. They had never told him. He figured it was probably some caffeine booster, or something like that…

Whatever it was, Tweek didn’t really care. He had a splitting headache, his heart rate hadn’t slowed down much from the scare he got with that bunny, and he just really, really wanted to go to sleep. He forced himself to stay awake long enough to pour his anxiety medication out of its bottle, unsteady as he was, and swallow it down before letting his head hit the pillow.

His last thought before sleep overtook him was about how much better he had been doing about regulating his caffeine consumption. He slept with an uncomfortable feeling of dread in his stomach.

The next three days went on just about the same. Tweek avoided Cartman at school, Tolkien and Craig were ambushed by admirers at lunch, and Tweek worked at Tweak Bro’s after school each day without a word from his parents.

*

His backpack straps were definitely leaving angry, red marks on his shoulders as it weighed on him while he walked to school that morning. Tweek cursed himself for always refusing drivers’ training, because a license would really come in handy right about now.

He would’ve normally taken the bus, due to his fear of early-morning kidnappers or being hit by a car, but for some reason he thought walking might help clear his head. His hands were shaking more than they usually did, and he wasn’t sure if that was from his apprehensiveness about how school would go that day or the extra-strong cup of coffee his mom forced into his arms that morning.

The blonde saw a car in his peripheral vision, one that seemed to be slowing down more and more as it got closer to him. He tightened his grip on his coffee mug, willing himself to keep his hands steady in order to be able to throw the metal cup at someone if need be. The car drove closer, creeping over to the curb of the sidewalk Tweek walked on.

Tweek kept his eyes forward, picking up speed. This was NOT how he was going to die. He still had so much to do with his life! He still had to tell Craig-!

“Tweek, slow down, Jesus. What are you doing?” The blonde froze, hoping that maybe he was still asleep and this was just a bad dream, before accepting his fate and turning around.

He was met with the sight of a blue-chullo hat popping out of the car’s driver’s side window. Speaking of motherfucking Craig.

“I’m, GAH, walking to school! What does it look like?”

The boy in the car raised an eyebrow, and Tweek felt himself sweat under the intensity of the other’s eyes, “Well, you usually take the bus, don’t you? That’s what you told me at the beginning of the school year when I offered to give you rides.”

That is true, Tweek did say that. And it wasn’t a lie! He did take the bus to school. Maybe he left out the part about how he thought spending those extra few minutes in the morning with Craig might make his sleep-blurred mind verbalize a few certain thoughts that he didn’t want to be heard, but-

Craig didn’t have to know that.

“I do take the bus!”

“Just not today?”

“...Just not today.”

“Okay. So get in the car.”

“W-What?!”

“You’re not taking the bus,” Craig shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eyes on Tweek, “so you can ride with me instead of walking.”

Tweek couldn’t find a good enough excuse to decline the offer, so he reluctantly walked to the other side of the car and slipped into the passenger seat.

He’d never been in Craig’s car before, mostly due to the fact that Tolkien was almost always the driver when their group hung out together. It was a nice car, he noted, and it definitely reflected Craig’s personality. It was clean, with no garbage littering the floor like Clyde’s car. There were crumbs in the cracks of the seats, but Craig was still a teenage boy, so that was to be expected. There was a tiny, plastic guinea pig resting on the dashboard, and Tweek had to resist a snort at the idea of the same guy who owned that also being the one labeled a school “bad boy”. The blonde caught sight of a picture clipped to the passenger side sun visor, and Tweek reached up for it in order to inspect it more closely.

It was a picture of a much younger Craig and Clyde, probably from fourth or fifth grade. Their arms were thrown over each others’ shoulders, and it captured the rare sight of Craig’s genuine happy smile rather than the usual bored expression he wore. They both seemed to be mid-laughter, and looked so carefree. Tweek felt a soft smile creep onto his face.

“This is a nice picture.”

“What is-? O-Oh. Whatever. Put that back, Tweek.” Tweek looked over to his friend who had his eyes firmly on the road ahead of them. Through their years of friendship, Tweek had noticed that Craig never really blushed. Instead, when he was embarrassed, he would scrunch up his shoulders to his ears and wrinkle his nose-bridge. Tweek thought it was, well, cute.

“Does Clyde know you have this on display in your car?” Tweek teased, enjoying how ruffled it seemed to make Craig, “Should I tell him?”

“I will kill you, dude.”

Tweek laughed, catching himself off guard, as usually a threat like this would garner at least a few paranoid, fearful thoughts. Tweek didn’t feel scared, though.

He never really felt scared when he was with Craig.

He clipped the picture back to its original spot, “I-It’s different to see Clyde look so innocent and peaceful and not obsessively staring at Bebe.”

Craig laughed, making Tweek’s heart jump, “She probably just wasn’t around when that picture was taken.”

Tweek smiled.

They pulled into the school’s parking lot, and the blonde was immediately reminded of the dread from earlier. He took a long swig of coffee as Craig parked the car.

The two boys exited the car, and Tweek noticed other people who were arriving at school had begun to stare at them. Well, less him, and more Craig.

Craig seemed to notice the attention he was getting as well, “Oh, come on.”

He sounded frustrated, and Tweek couldn’t really blame him. People had been pestering the poor guy ever since the list came out, barely even leaving him alone long enough to go to the bathroom by himself. The blonde swore that every time Craig opened his locker, at least four love letters fell out of it. They were always dropped into the garbage, but that didn’t really help Tweek to feel less dejected.

“Take your h-hat off,” Tweek joked, “they might not recognize you.”

To his surprise, Craig actually did take his hat off, shaking his hair out once it was free. Tweek did his best not to gape at the sight of his friend’s hair, but he didn’t think he was succeeding. Craig’s hair was shaggy, falling slightly into his eyes, but it framed his face so well. It made Tweek so much more aware of the boy’s defined jawline, sharp features, piercing eyes-

“Am I inconspicuous now?”

Tweek shook himself out of the trance he was in, and just nodded to his friend with a thumbs-up, not trusting his voice at the moment.

The two walked into the school, quickly meeting up with Jimmy, Clyde, and Tolkien, who were standing around in the lobby talking.

“W-w-woah! H-hot shot a-alert!” Jimmy announced as he caught sight of Craig, and Clyde’s jaw fell open.

“Dude!’ Clyde’s eyes widened, “You never take your hat off! Is the world ending or something?” Tweek swallowed the urge to make a comment on that, to panic about aliens or global warming or something. He dug his fingernails into his palm in an attempt to keep the words from spilling out. He tried not to notice the feeling of Craig’s eyes on him, frustrated with the way the other always seemed to know when something was bothering him.

“Could you be any louder, Clyde?” Craig crossed his arms disapprovingly, “I don’t think the other side of town quite heard you.”

“Shut up, Craig.”

Tolkien rolled his eyes and slapped Clyde on the back, “Come on, idiots, the warning bell is about to ring and we still need to put our stuff away.”

The group of five made their way to their lockers, Tweek listening to Clyde and Jimmy chatter on about some assignment they had gotten, occasionally adding a word or two to the conversation. He was mostly focused on the way their group seemed to be the main focus of every student they passed by. Sure, they got a lot more attention now because of the list, but it wasn’t usually this bad. He knew he claimed to have “a bad feeling” about a lot of things, but right now more than ever, he felt a certain approaching doom. He was proven correct when the group reached the portion of the hallway that held Tweek and Craig’s lockers, a crowd of students surrounding the side-by-side pair of lockers. Tweek figured it was some love confession written on Craig’s locker or something, but when he pushed his way through the crowd his eyes widened at what he was seeing.

Tweek the FREAK was scrawled across his locker in harsh sharpie. Not really sure how to react to the situation, Tweek stared dumbly at the words. He distantly wondered when someone would have had the opportunity to vandalize his locker without anyone noticing. Unless people did notice, and just didn’t care.

“What the actual fuck.” Tweek looked over his shoulder to see Clyde standing there, outrage obvious on his face. Tolkien, Jimmy, and Craig had also made their way through the crowd, and were looking at the locker in various states of shock.

“Is this middle school?” Clyde continued, his angry voice getting louder, “What fucking prick did this?!”

“Clyde!” Tweek whispered sharply, “C-cool it, man. It’s fine. I’m, ACK, fine.”

Jimmy stepped forward, “H-hell no. This is bulls-s-bullsh- bullcrap!”

Suddenly, Tweek felt claustrophobic with all of the people surrounding him. His locker situation wasn’t ideal by any means, but it also wasn’t the biggest deal to him. Sure, his heart dropped when he saw it, but really, he’s dealt with far worse from this school. This is just another day in South Park. But, between all the eyes centered on him and the downright furious look on Craig’s face, the blonde felt like he was suffocating. Before he could care about how it would hurt his pride, Tweek shoved his way through the crowd again, speed-walking in the opposite direction. He ignored the gasps of surprise from students around him and the calls from his friends. He just needed to breathe.

He stumbled into the boy’s bathroom, booking it to the stall furthest from the door and locking himself inside. He crouched down to the floor, heaving in and out, trying to focus on calming himself down and not on the germs that were surely infecting him from the bathroom floor.

After a few minutes of breathing exercises, Tweek felt moderately better. Then he heard the bathroom door swing open, and footsteps approach the stall he was in.

“Tweekers? You in there?” Kenny.

“Y-yeah.” He wasn’t surprised that he sounded as frazzled as he felt.

“Whoever did that to your locker is a fucking dumbass, dude. If I find out who it was, trust me, I’m going to beat their ass.”

“Even if it was Cartman?”

“Especially if it was Cartman.”

Tweek snorted. His arms were still wrapped tightly around his knees, but he let his head lift up and blinked the static from his vision.

“M-man. I ran in here like an i-idiot! Everyone is going to think I’m a wuss!”

“I think people have other things to be focusing on. Like who the fuck is running around with a sharpie.”

Tweek squeezed his eyes closed once again, hearing the door to the bathroom open for a second time. He figured maybe it was Cartman coming to laugh at him or something.

“Where’s Tweek?” A familiar, nasally voice asked.

“You know, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to start conversations with the word, ‘hi’, Craig.” Kenny responded.

“Hi.” Craig sounded impatient, “Where’s Tweek?”

Tweek stood up and unlocked the stall door, cracking it open just enough to see Craig’s relieved face.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Came Kenny’s muffled voice, and Tweek heard him shuffle out of the bathroom. With the new privacy, Tweek opened the door all the way, but kept his eyes trained on the floor’s tiles. He was embarrassed of Craig seeing him like this. Of Craig knowing he was at the bottom of the list. Of Craig thinking he was a… a freak.

“Tweek.” He didn’t look up.

He suddenly felt another hand brushing against his own, and gasped, looking up to see his friend’s concerned eyes. He knew Craig probably wanted him to say something, but all he could focus on was how Craig’s hand was lightly covering his own.

“Are you…” The black-haired boy hesitated, “Are you okay?”

Tweek nodded frantically, “Y-yes! I’m fine, Craig! Seriously, ACK, t-this stuff doesn’t bother me anymore.”

Craig frowned, “Anymore?”

“Well, yeah,” Tweek tilted his head in confusion, “when we were kids and people used to call me a freak I guess it would make me sort of upset, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore.”

“People used to call you a freak? A lot?”

Now Tweek was even more confused.

“Uh, yes?” the blonde rubbed the back of his neck, “You don’t remember?”

“I never knew.”

The two stared at each other in silence. Tweek could see several emotions flickering in his friend’s eyes, but he couldn’t quite decipher any of them.

“That’s it, Tweek. We’re finding out who made that list, and I’m fucking murdering them.”

Chapter Text

Marjorine scrubbed at the ugly words written on her friend’s locker, panting and frustrated at her lack of progress. Once she had heard about Tweek’s locker, she ran to see it for herself, and was surprised to see no one was making any effort to take the hateful words down. So, rather than make an appearance to her third hour English class, she faked a headache and stole something that claimed to be a “permanent marker remover” from the janitor’s closet. It was almost funny to the girl at how fast the school week had changed her into a more daring person. After all, first she was declaring she would find whoever made the list, then sneaking out to hang out with Kenny, and now skipping class.

She figured if anyone had a chance at discovering who made that list, it was her. No one would expect sweet, optimistic Marjorine to be secretly scheming a detective-search like this. She didn’t much like that characterisation of herself anyways. Just because she made every effort to be kind and generous to others, she was often labeled as weak and naive. Just because she enjoyed very feminine things like makeup, dresses, and the color pink, she was viewed as someone not to be taken seriously. Marjorine was tired of those assumptions.

However, she was secretly guilty to admit that while the blatant misogyny hurt, a part of her was also relieved that she was experiencing it. She knew that was a horrible thing to feel, and would be taking it to her grave, but…

Even the bad parts of being a girl just felt so reaffirming to her. She was lucky that the town had accepted her identity so quick and easily, and that she had never really experienced much transphobia-

‘You can change your name, but you can’t change the facts. Stop dressing so girly and we can talk'

Until now, that is.

Marjorine groaned, lightly letting her forehead hit the surface of the locker, irritated with how little the marks seemed to be fading. This stupid ‘permanent marker remover’ was a scam.

“Hey, Marjorine.” The blonde girl turned around to see two figures standing behind her. Wendy and Bebe.

Wendy was holding a small pail, and lifted it up to show Marjorine, “Guess we all had the same idea about fixing Tweek’s locker. We brought some paint.”

“Oh!” Marjorine breathed out in relief, smiling at her friends, “Thank goodness! This dumb ‘ol marker remover isn’t working anyways.”

Bebe whipped a paintbrush out of her pocket, “We’re almost positive that this stuff is a color match. Hopefully, it’ll be good enough. Wanna help us paint?”

Marjorine beamed, feeling so much gratitude for Bebe and Wendy. She was ashamed of herself for avoiding them ever since the list came out. She had been so worried that they would treat her differently because of it that she didn’t even give them a chance to prove her wrong. The blonde gratefully accepted the paintbrush Bebe was extending to her, and hoped that the girls understood that she was letting down her defenses with the action as well.

The three girls painted the locker in front of them, carefully covering up the words in order to leave no trace of the vandalism. Marjorine hoped that they could finish before the class period ended, so that the next time Tweek came to his locker, it would be back to normal.

Her prayers were answered as they were able to completely erase the words from the locker in less than fifteen minutes. She stood back, admiring their work, not even caring about the smudge of paint on her cheek.

“So, Marjorine…” Wendy was twirling a strand of her black hair around her finger nervously, “Since it’s Friday, Bebe is coming over to my house to spend the night. Would you want to come, too?”

Marjorine paused to think. Technically, since her parents didn’t know about her rendezvous with Kenny, she should be able to convince them to let her hang out with Wendy and Bebe tonight. But was she okay with losing that time that she could be using to search for more answers?

“I’d love to, Wendy! I’ll text my parents right now.” Yeah, she was pretty okay with it.

“Great!”

“Hell yeah, Marjorine!” Bebe cheered, “We haven’t had a girls’ night in so long!”

Marjorine glanced at the since-forgotten locker, “Do you think the paint will be dry by the time the next class period comes ‘round?”

“Should be. We didn’t do a super thick layer, so it should dry fairly quickly.”

“Good,” Marjorine smiled softly, “Tweek is always doing nice things for other people. He deserves it in return, too.”

Wendy tilted her head in confusion, “He is?”

“Oh, yeah! All the time!” Marjorine nodded, “He’s the kind of person that just does nice things for people without ever acknowledging it. He’s a real good friend.”

“Oh?” Bebe cocked an eyebrow, “Is there something going on between you and Tweek, Marjorine?”

Marjorine couldn’t help it, she laughed out loud at the question.

“No, Bebe, definitely not. I’m pretty certain that Tweek has his eye on someone else, and well…” she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, “I do, too.”

Both girls in front of her seemed to light up at this confession, Bebe whooping and playfully bumping Marjorine’s shoulder. Wendy made her promise that she would tell them everything when they hung out tonight, and Marjorine was surprised to find that she wasn’t nervous to do so. She was actually looking forward to it, and giddy in a way. She hadn’t told anyone about her feelings for a certain blonde boy yet, and was only now realizing how badly she needed to talk it all out.

The bell rang, signaling the girls that soon the hallways would be swarmed with students navigating to their next classes. They waved goodbye to each other, heading off in different directions. Marjorine felt something akin to a weight being lifted off her shoulders, and felt much more light and happy as she made her way through the halls.

She stopped at her own locker to get the books for her next class, but was caught off guard by a scrap piece of paper floating to the bottom when it was opened. She carefully bent down to pick it up, wondering who would have slid something into her locker without telling her. She turned the glossy paper over in her hands, examining it. It was a-

Coupon?

It took the blonde a second to process what the meaning behind it was. Then she realized that the coupon was for men’s wear at the town’s main shopping center. She bit the inside of her cheek, willing herself not to give any reaction in case whoever had gifted her the paper was watching nearby.

Marjorine shoved the coupon into a pocket of her backpack before resuming her search for the right book to bring to class. As she shut her locker and darted off in the direction of her next classroom, she tried to think critically about the events of the past few days.

First, the list came out on Tuesday. Then, today, Friday morning, Tweek’s locker was discovered to be vandalized. And now, Friday afternoon, Marjorine had found a coupon with an obvious malice behind it in her locker.

She knew all of these events were connected, the latter two clearly brought on by the list. However, she was uncertain if they were random attacks from various bored highschoolers who simply loved drama, or if… they were all executed by the same person.

It was a theory she would be looking into.

*

Thankfully, Marjorine’s parents had gladly given her permission to stay at Wendy’s for the night. Apparently, they were hoping to have a date night that night anyways, and felt better that Marjorine wouldn’t be home alone all night. Part of the girl was annoyed that her parents treated her much younger than the seventeen-year-old that she was, but the other part was just happy that they said yes.

She sat on the floor of Wendy’s bedroom, back leaning against the bed that Bebe was ungracefully sprawled out on. Wendy sat on the floor across from Marjorine, squinting at the ceiling.

“Is it okay with you if we talk about the list, Marjorine?” Wendy asked carefully, concern evident.

Marjorine nodded without hesitation, “Well, sure, Wendy. I don’t mind. What’s up?”

“It’s just,” Wendy sighed, “obviously this list is much, much worse for you, but… I can’t help but feel angry about the effects it’s been having on our school. It’s made us girls look shallow, and like all we care about are boys.”

Bebe cleared her throat, “I get it. Ever since that dumb list came out, it seems like every boy only wants to talk to me about dumb, superficial stuff. No one asks me for advice on homework anymore, or even just starts a normal conversation- it’s always about that fucking list.”

Marjorine was surprised. She hadn’t thought about how the list affected the other girls of South Park High. As Wendy and Bebe talked, though, she realized the truth of their words.

“Gee, guys,” Marjorine frowned, “now that you say it, I have noticed that all of the girls at school are being treated more… villain-y.”

“Exactly. Just because one girl made that awful list, now all girls are being labeled as shallow and rude. The boys all seem to think that every senior girl had a part in their rankings.” Wendy sighed, picking at her nails in frustration.

“I mean, how do we know it was a girl who made the list?” Bebe pointed out.

Marjorine furrowed her eyebrows in thought. It was true that it very well could have been a boy that had written the list, despite popular opinion that it was a girl. Maybe solving this case was going to be a bit trickier than she thought.

The three girls sat in silence, all seemingly pondering the new idea. Suddenly, Wendy dusted herself off and stood up.

“That’s it. I’m tired of constantly focusing on all this negative stuff,” she said, “let’s do something fun.”

Marjorine was a bit taken back, “Like what? It’s pretty late, Wendy.”

“Never too late to be a little spontaneous.” Bebe grinned cheekily.

Marjorine laughed nervously, eyes darting between her two friends.

“I have an idea!” Bebe scrambled off the bed, nearly tripping and face-planting, “I used to baby-sit for the Sylvesters, and they have this super cool indoor pool!”

“Uh, Bebe.” Wendy raised an eyebrow, “Why would the Sylvesters give us permission to use their pool?”

Bebe’s eyes glinted dangerously, “Oh, Wendy, they don’t need to. They’re out of town right now, and I still happen to have a key to their house.”

Marjorine gasped, “Bebe! We can’t just break into somebody else’s house!”

“It’s not breaking in! I have a key! Besides, we’re not stealing or destroying anything. We’re just taking a harmless little swim!”

Wendy, who looked like she was struggling with an internal debate, spoke up, “This seems like the worst idea we’ve ever had but… Let’s do it.”

Marjorine decided to let go of the anxiety she had about the idea. As long as she was with Bebe and Wendy, crazy as they might be sometimes, she knew they would always have her back. With the group’s unanimous approval, Wendy lent her and Bebe some of her swimsuits, and told a quick lie to her parents about wanting to go see a movie.

The girls carefully snuck through the neighborhood to the Sylversters’ house, giggling out of adrenaline and nervousness. When they arrived, Bebe pulled out her lanyard that held all of the keys she collected over the years, and plucked the correct one out to unlock the door. They quickly entered and shut the door behind them, praying that no nosey neighbors had spotted them.

Soon, they were all floating in the cool water of the indoor pool, the smell of chlorine thick and humid in the air. Marjorine floated on her back, giggling at the pure insanity of what they had just done.

“Oh, Marjorine,” Bebe smirked, “you haven’t told us about that crush of yours, yet!” Wendy shook her head in agreement, causing Marjorine to feel her face heat up.

“Oh! R-right…”

Wendy frowned, “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, Marjorine. We were just teasing you.”

“No! I do want to tell you guys,” Marjorine replied earnestly, “I’ve just never talked about it before, so I’m trying to figure out what to say.”

“Why don’t you just tell us the reasons why you like this person, for now? That way there isn’t pressure to tell us their name right away.” Bebe suggested gently.

Marjorine’s eyes lit up, “Okay! I can do that!”

“Well, I like him because he’s the sweetest guy I know. Funniest, too. He’s just always makin’ me smile, and showing me different things. He even taught me how to skip rocks the other day!”

“Awww,” Bebe cooed, “is he handsome?”

“W-well, yeah, I think so… But even if he wasn’t, I think I would still like him. He’s always been real protective of me, and that makes me feel really safe and happy. I always feel like I can be myself around him, too. I mean, don’t get me wrong, his blonde hair and blue eyes are real charmers as well. Oh, and that nose piercing-!”

Marjorine cut off as Wendy and Bebe failed to hide their giggles.

“Oh, hamburgers, I gave it away, didn’t I?”

Wendy smiled and nodded, “Kenny, huh?”

Marjorine blushed, splashing water at the two girls in front of her. Bebe gasped in fake outrage, and suddenly all three of them were involved in an epic water war. Once they had calmed down and were peacefully floating in the water, Marjorine remembered what she had stuck in her backpack earlier.

“Hey, have you guys gotten any coupons from the town’s shopping center recently?” Of course she didn’t suspect Bebe or Wendy to be her culprit, but she was curious to possibly find out when that specific coupon had been distributed.

“Mmmm, no, I don’t think so. My family hasn’t had a subscription for that stuff in years.”

Wendy shook her head, “Me neither. I didn’t even know they gave out coupons. Why do you ask?”

Marjorine hesitated, wondering if she should share what had happened earlier that day with her friends.

“Oh, no reason, really. My mom had just been mentioning something about it the other day.” Marjorine trusted Wendy and Bebe, she really did. But for now, she needed to gather more information before making any claims.

Chapter Text

If you were to ask Kenny what his weekends usually consisted of, he would always be able to give the same, consistent answer. Either getting high, playing video games at Stan’s place, or hiding matches from Cartman so that he couldn’t attempt to set Kyle’s house on fire.

The last one may seem very specific, but it's a more common occurrence than one would think.

What Kenny would not have guessed he would be doing during his free time on Saturday was sitting in Craig’s car and listening to the black-haired boy interrogate his friend group.

“You can’t use the child-lock to trap us in here!” Cartman grumbled, yanking at the door handle of the backseat, “This is kidnapping, Craig!”

“You guys came in here willingly.”

“Yeah, because you said we were going to KFC, asshole!”

“Why would I take you to KFC? I don’t like you guys.”

Kenny, who had the common sense to take the passenger seat of Craig’s vehicle, bopped the head of a miniature guinea pig figurine that sat on the dashboard, “This is cute.”

“Fuck off, McCormick.” Kenny raised his hands in surrender, grinning.

Stan, Kyle, and Cartman were all squished in the backseat. Stan had taken the middle spot, probably to avoid any conflict between the other two boys, but Kenny was almost positive he was regretting that decision due to how uncomfortable the position looked.

“What do you want, Craig?” Kyle asked, clearly uninterested but probably hoping to wrap things up and be on his way. Kenny noticed that his friend’s green hat was placed on his head in a very precise manner - one that ensured not a single red curl was poking its way through. Kenny knew that Kyle had stopped covering all of his hair with his hat freshman year, because the boy had explained back then that his hair was getting too big and dense to sit comfortably under the constraints of the fabric. Kenny knew that Kyle was only covering his hair up now because of that dumb. fucking. list.

The blonde shifted his eyes to study Craig’s face meticulously. The boy in the driver's seat looked bored, wearing an apathetic grimace, but Kenny could also see a barely-there rage that was concealed just under the boy’s eyes.

“Just tell me who wrote that shit on Tweek’s locker.”

Cartman full-on cackled, making Kenny wince, “Oh, seriously? This is about your spaz of a boyfriend-”

Suddenly, Craig turned, whipping his head around to seethe at Cartman, “Call him that again, I dare you.”

Kenny watched Stan’s eyes widen in fear.

“Woah, woah!” Stan cried, stretching his arm across Cartman in an attempt to possibly shield him from Craig, “Chill out, man! He’s just being an asshole!” Craig grunted, slumping back to his original position, still warily eyeing the fat teen.

Kyle looked confused, “Dude, how would we know who did that to Tweek’s locker? Stan and I get to school at basically the same time as you guys do.”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Kenny rubbed his forehead, “and unfortunately, I can vouch for Cartman. We missed the bus yesterday morning and didn’t get to school until all of the commotion was already happening.”

Craig seemed to deflate, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh!” Cartman said defensively, “Maybe that’ll teach you not to KIDNAP your friends and ACCUSE them of things-”

“You’re not my friends… Except maybe Kenny.” Kenny shot up a hand to high-five the other boy, but lowered it when Craig sent him a disapproving look.

“Great, so can we go now?” Stan sighed, longingly gazing out the window. Kenny had to stifle a laugh at how miserable the poor guy looked.

“No.” Craig narrowed his eyes, “I want the fatass here to stop going to Tweak Bro’s and harassing Tweek while he’s working.” Protests of outrage came from Cartman’s direction in the backseat.

“Come on, Craig,” Kyle huffed impatiently, “we all know Tweek is capable enough to fight his own battles. You don’t need to go all guard-dog right now.”

Craig shrugged his shoulders indifferently, “Of course he is. But he shouldn’t have to fight his own battles when I’m around.”

Kenny almost choked on his own spit, not expecting such a clear admission of Craig’s affection for Tweek. Cartman made a retching sound.

“That’s it, Craig, I swear I’m going to call the cops!” Cartman threatened, “Seriously, this is your last chance!”

“Oh, gee, how many did I start with?” Craig drawled, eyebrows raised at the empty threat.

Kenny could tell Cartman was about two minutes away from a full-blown tantrum, which wouldn’t be enjoyable for anyone in the car. Quickly asking whatever god was out there for protection, he reached across the console to tap the child-lock off, effectively freeing his friends. Once the click was heard throughout the car, both Kyle and Cartman immediately pushed the car doors open, all but falling out of the backseat. Stan was quick after them, throwing a grateful look over his shoulder to Kenny before ditching him to deal with an angry Craig by himself.

Dick.

“What the fuck, Kenny.” Uh oh, Craig definitely looked mad.

“C’mon, Craig, we both know you weren’t going to get anywhere with Cartman by holding him hostage. He may be an asshole, but he’s also not anywhere near smart enough to have anything to do with that list. He’s a follower.”

Craig was silent, his eyes boring into Kenny’s soul. Or at least, that’s what it felt like to Kenny.

Eventually, Craig sighed in defeat, hanging his head, “I know, I just- Ugh, Tweek doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this, man. Especially with all the other shit he’s got going on. And I know I’m acting like an overprotective douchebag right now, but… I can’t help it.”

“I get it, Craig,” Kenny said quietly, suddenly feeling very serious, “it’s hard to watch the people you love go through shit like this.” Part of him expected Craig to start backtracking, to deny his feelings for Tweek and curse Kenny out for the implication. But he also wasn’t too surprised when Craig simply nodded miserably.

“Yeah,” Craig’s monotone voice was somehow thick with emotion, “it is.”

A ringing echoed throughout the car, and Craig glanced down at his phone that projected an incoming facetime from Clyde. Eyeing Kenny, probably wondering if answering with the blonde boy in the car was a good idea, Craig slowly hit the accept button.

Clyde’s face popped up onto the screen, “Craig! Dude! You didn’t answer any of my texts!”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Psh, busy with what?”

Kenny shoved Craig to the side so that Clyde could see him as well, “Busy with me, if you know what I mean-”

He was cut off by an elbow to the gut that he received from the other boy, but still managed to choke out a laugh at his own joke.

“IS THAT KENNY?” Clyde screamed from the other side of the phone.

“Yes, Clyde, that’s Kenny. Now what do you want?”

“Oh, right! Party tonight at Tolkien’s house, dude! Everyone is gonna be there.”

“I don’t like parties-”

Clyde seemingly didn’t care to hear the end of Craig’s thought, “Kenny, man! You come, too! And bring those assholes you call your friends.”

Kenny shot the boy a thumbs up, grinning at the idea of getting wasted that night.

“I’m not going, Clyde.” Craig grunted stubbornly, lifting his thumb to hang up the phone.

Clyde must have seen this coming, because he quickly shouted, “Tweek is coming!”

There was a pause in the car.

Craig sighed, “What time do I get there?”

*

Kenny arrived at Tolkien’s house when the party was well under way. He had ditched his orange parka for the night, instead opting to just wear a plain white t-shirt and jeans, with a jacket tied around his waist. When he walked inside, he was immediately hit by a wave of sweat and hormones that could only come from teenagers partying like there was no tomorrow.

The blonde grinned, knowing that Tolkien wasn’t a hardcore party-er, but guessed that Clyde had probably taken reign of controlling the party atmosphere. Kenny was more than okay with that - Clyde always made sure there were plenty of drinks.

The giant house felt smaller with how many people were crowded into each room, but Kenny managed to push his way through the masses to find the kitchen. Just as he expected, Clyde and his group of friends were in there as well, all standing around a keg.

“Clyde, I swear to god,” Tolkien hissed, not yet having noticed Kenny walk up beside them, “if something gets broken or damaged by someone who’s way too drunk, you’re paying for it.”

Clyde opted to avoid that responsibility by shifting the attention over to the blonde, “Kenny, man! You’re finally here! What do you want to drink, dude? We’ve got everything.”

“Surprise me, bartender.”

Clyde’s eyes lit up in excitement and he scurried to the other side of the kitchen to mix up some concoction for Kenny.

“B-b-bold move, Kenny,” Jimmy grinned, “I p-personally would n-n-never let Clyde near a, near a dr-drink of mine, b-but to each their own.”

Kenny shrugged his shoulders, “I’ve already lived longer than I needed to.” Tolkien snorted at that, shaking his head at his friends’ antics.

Clyde reappeared beside them, handing Kenny a plastic cup with a dark liquid inside. The blonde immediately took a drink, preparing himself for the worst.

“Huh,” Kenny furrowed his eyebrows, “that’s actually not bad, Clyde.”

Clyde puffed up with pride, his eyes darting around to make sure their other friends had heard the compliment.

Craig, who had been on his phone throughout the entire interaction, looked up to narrow his eyes at Clyde, “Where’s Tweek?”

“Oh, come on! Are you guys hearing this?” Clyde whined, “I swear to you, Craig never even says hi to me anymore! Every time I see him, the first words out of his mouth are asking me about Tweek!”

Kenny laughed and Craig rolled his eyes, “Who got here early to help you set everything up, huh, Clyde?”

Clyde grumbled something under his breath about having had to bribe the other boy with Tweek to get him to come, but dropped the subject nonetheless.

“Hey, uh,” Kenny swallowed, “do you guys know if Marjorine is here? Or if she’s coming?”

Jimmy shook his head, “S-s-sorry, man. Haven’t s-seen her.”

The blonde felt a sting of disappointment, but shrugged his shoulders and took another swig of his drink.

Soon after that, the group dispersed, Clyde and Jimmy going off somewhere to socialize, Tolkien fretting over the breakable items in his house, and Craig slinking off to god knows where. Kenny strode through the house, eventually spotting his friends in a corner of one of the rooms. As he made his way over to them, he could see that Stan also had a plastic cup in hand and was chatting with some girl from their grade. Kyle was scrolling through his phone, and Kenny assumed he must be the designated driver for the night. The blonde knew that Kyle wasn’t against alcohol or anything, and could definitely let loose once he had some in his system, but he wasn’t surprised that his friend had opted out of it for the night. Someone had to be the responsible one, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be any of the rest of them.

“Oh, hey, dude,” Kyle said as he saw Kenny approaching, “when did you get here?”

“Couple minutes ago. Where’s Cartman?”

“I think we’re better off not knowing,” Kyle shrugged, “he disappeared right after we all got here.”

“Who’s the girl?” Kenny asked, nodding over to Stan.

Kyle chuckled, “Oh, man, Kenny, you missed it. That’s like, the sixth girl that’s gone up to Stan in the last ten minutes. If he wasn’t annoyed with that list before, he definitely is now.”

Upon closer inspection, Kenny could see that Kyle had a point. Stan didn’t look super interested in whatever the girl in front of him was saying, and was instead looking around as if for an escape plan. His eyes latched on Kenny, and he grinned in relief. The two boys heard their friend apologize to the girl and explain that he had to talk to someone else before speed-walking over to them.

“Fuck, man,” Stan groaned, “I’ve had this drink for like, twenty minutes, and I haven’t been able to take more than two sips because of how many people keep starting conversations with me.”

“Tough to be number one, huh?” Kenny teased, earning a shove in the shoulder from his friend.

To Kenny’s side, he noticed a pretty brown-haired girl approach them. She looked nervous, and he prepared himself to laugh at Stan’s expense over another love confession. Stan had paled considerably, probably thinking the same thing.

But, the girl wasn’t looking at them.

“Um, Kyle?” she said hesitantly, “I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come play beer pong with me?”

Kenny’s jaw dropped before grinning wildly at a shocked Kyle.

“Me?” Kyle asked dumbly, causing Kenny to discreetly knock the red-head’s shoulder with his own. Or maybe not so discreetly, as Kyle immediately glared at his friend, rubbing the part of his shoulder that had been hit.

“He would love to!” Stan jumped in, beaming, “Isn’t that right, Kyle?”

Kyle gaped like a fish, before shaking himself out of his stupor, “Sorry, uh- yeah, yeah, I can do that.”

The girl’s shoulders sagged in relief, smiling shyly at Kyle. She lace her hand with Kyle’s own and started gently pulling him in the direction of another room, Stan whooping as they left.

“Holy shit, dude,” Kenny laughed, “who is that girl?”

“I have no idea. But she’s pretty, go Kyle.”

Kenny nodded in agreement, internally cheering for his friend. Although Kenny knew the boy would never admit to it, he could tell that the list had made Kyle insecure. The blonde was hopeful that maybe he would be able to just have fun tonight, and forget about that whole thing. Besides, Kyle had no reason to be insecure in Kenny’s opinion.

“Oh, Kenny, look!” He turned his head in the direction Stan was pointing, “Wendy, Bebe, and Marjorine are here.”

Kenny felt his breath catch in his throat. Marjorine was giggling at something Bebe had said, her eyes squinted shut in glee. Her bangs were pinned up by two flower clips, and she was wearing an oversized pink t-shirt paired with jean shorts that were barely visible under the top, as well as her signature white converse. Kenny thought she looked beautiful.

Kenny wanted to tell her that.

Fuck it, he thought, I’m going to tell her how I feel. I don’t care how different of people we are.

He set his drink down on a table and made his way over to the girl, saluting to Wendy as she passed by him on her way to Stan. Bebe had walked away when she had seen Kenny, likely to give the two some privacy, but not before winking obnoxiously at him and giggling.

Kenny felt his heart thumping in his chest, like it was about to burst. Marjorine usually never made him this nervous, but maybe it was the way her eyes brightened when she spotted him, or the way those flower clips held up her hair, or the freckles dusting her nose, or-

Whatever it was, Kenny didn’t mind. He was okay with Marjorine making him nervous. He was okay with everything, as long as it was Marjorine.

He cleared his throat, “Hey, Marj. You look really nice tonight.”

“O-oh!” The girl flushed crimson, “Thank you, Ken. You look very good as well.”

Kenny laughed happily, “Why, thank you. I dress to impress.”

He watched the girl tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, glancing at him with hopeful eyes. This was it, this was Kenny’s moment. Every voice inside of him was telling him that she felt the same, and that this was his chance-

“Hey, fuckers!” Cartman appeared in the doorway, “Everyone downstairs, we’re doing drinking games!”

Stan and Wendy brushed past them, hand-in-hand, a content smile on the boy’s face. Kenny was a little disappointed that Cartman had ruined the moment, but he shook it off and smiled at the girl in front of him.

“Wanna go see what’s going on down there?” She nodded in response, and Kenny quickly grabbed his drink from where he had previously placed it before leading the girl out of the room.

The basement was filled with teenagers, a good amount of them being very drunk, and it was loud. Kenny checked to make sure Marjorine wasn’t overwhelmed or anything, and when she smiled at him in reassurance, he continued on.

He found Clyde standing in the middle of everything, tipsy and listing off game suggestions.

“We could do, uh, never have I ever! Or truth or dare, or truth or drink- Oh, hey Kenny! Hey, Marjorine!”

Marjorine waved and Kenny nodded, looking around for their other friends. Kyle was sitting on a couch, the girl from earlier sitting next to him with her legs softly thrown over his lap. They looked like they were in deep conversation, not paying mind to anyone else in the room. Kenny noticed that Kyle’s hat had disappeared, his red curls on display. Stan was standing off to the side, his arms looped loosely around Wendy’s waist. Jimmy was close by, telling a story that was making Tolkien laugh loudly. Craig sat by the stairs, overlooking the chaos that was unfolding. Kenny felt so happy, enjoying the lively atmosphere, and looking forward to the moment he would be able to confess to Marjorine.

Then everything went to shit.

Kenny had taken a sip from his cup, and then immediately choked on the awful taste that filled his mouth, spitting out the drink and coughing harshly.

fuckfuckwhatheFUCK

“Ken?!” Marjorine panicked, “Are you okay?!”

“What the fuck.” He exclaimed in disbelief, “Was that fucking soap?”

Sure enough, as Kenny closely inspected the liquid left in his cup, he could see sparkly swirls floating on the surface, indicating that someone had put fucking soap in his drink.

The room was filled with hushed gasps, everyone staring at Kenny. He felt embarrassment work its way up his neck, and angrily turned on Clyde.

“What the fuck, dude?! Did you put soap in this?”

“No!” Clyde cried, “I swear on my life, dude! It was fine earlier, wasn’t it?”

That was true, Kenny thought distantly. After Clyde had made him the drink it tasted fine. It tasted normal up until-

He set it down on a table.

The room was a mix of people either laughing, exclaiming their horror, or drunkenly trying to figure out who was to blame. It was so, so loud, and suddenly Kenny felt very hot, brutally aware of how his white t-shirt clung to his sweaty skin. Marjorine was saying something to him, tugging on his arm, but he couldn’t hear her. He felt sick. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Without warning, a new figure barreled down the stairs, panting heavily with panicked breaths. Kenny turned his attention to that direction, and realized the figure was Tweek.

Tweek looked disheveled, distress clear on his face, eyes darting around in search of something. When they landed on Craig, the blonde boy sprang forward.

“Hey, hey, woah!” Craig exclaimed in surprise, catching the trembling boy in his arms. Craig’s eyes were wide and concerned, glancing at an equally concerned Clyde and Tolkien as if they could offer some explanation for their friend’s behavior.

Kenny could hear Tweek’s shrieks even though they were slightly muffled into Craig’s shirt, “Th-They’re poisoning me! Oh god! I’m, GAH, gonna die! Why are they doing this?!”

Craig was trying to soothe Tweek, confusion in his tone as he spoke in low whispers to the boy. Tweek lifted his head from Craig’s chest, and Kenny’s heart dropped when he saw how glossy his friend’s eyes were. Kenny had seen Tweek freak out plenty of times, heard him scream millions, but… cry? Kenny had never seen Tweek cry. By the look of his friends’ faces, neither had anyone else.

This basement was dissolved into chaos, people yelling over each other in response to all of the drama that had just happened. Kenny was still standing frozen in place, deaf to Marjorine’s pleading with him.

“Hey!” Clyde yelled furiously, “The next person who pulls a shitty prank because of that list is getting my fist up their ass!”

“A-and not in th-the sex-sexy way!”

“Thank you for the clarification, Jimmy.” Tolkien sighed.

“A-anytime.”

Everything sounded like it was underwater. Kenny looked at Marjorine. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, clearly worried and unsure of what to do. Kenny felt… nothing. He felt numb. This was stupid. He was stupid.

Why did he even fucking think that someone like him could ever have a chance with someone like her?

He gently removed Marjorine’s hand that was clutching his arm, smiled sadly, and walked out.

Chapter Text

Tweek, anxiety be damned, was not a big crier. He would freak himself out to the point of tearing his hair out, yes- but he never really cried.

So, now, as tears threatened to spill over the edge of his eyes, Tweek had never felt so… defeated. He had a lump in his throat, and it hurt. He was sitting in Craig’s car, not having said a word since his initial outburst at the party, because he was afraid that once he opened his mouth he would completely lose it. He tried blinking rapidly to make the tears disappear, but he only succeeded in making his eyes sting.

Craig drove silently beside him, occasionally glancing over with a poorly hidden look of concern. If he wasn’t so close to crying, Tweek would’ve laughed at how Craig was turning out to be the anxious one for once.

They had left Tolkien’s house almost immediately after the blonde had arrived, Craig having grabbed his hand and pushed through the crowd to pull them to his car. Tweek had gotten in the car, refusing to look the other boy in the eye. He was ashamed about his near-breakdown in Craig’s arms just moments earlier.

Stupid, dumb fucking idiot.

So, here he was now, silently looking out the car window as Craig pulled into the Tuckers’ driveway.

“Um, we’re gonna have to be quiet as we walk in, because my parents are probably asleep by now,” Craig cleared his throat, “Tricia might still be awake. She’s practically nocturnal.”

Normally, Tweek would have laughed at Craig’s attempt at a joke, regardless of how bad it was. But this time, the blonde boy simply nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt. The pair walked into the house, Tweek making a bee-line for Craig’s room before the other boy could even re-lock the door.

Tweek liked Craig’s room. He liked the blue walls that matched his friend’s comforter. He liked the glow-in-the-dark stars that littered the ceiling, nearly threatening to fall off due to how old they were. He liked how tidy it was (minus, of course, the piles of crumpled up laundry in various piles on the floor), and he liked how familiar it felt.

When Craig did join Tweek in his room, he looked nervous.

“Tweek, what’s wrong?”

Tweek was sitting on the foot of Craig’s bed. He opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out.

Fuck why couldn’t he talk? Did he lose his voice??

“Did something happen?”

Oh god, what if he could never speak again?! Was this permanent? Would he have to relearn how to talk? What if-

He snapped out of it when a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. He met Craig’s eyes, and felt guilty to see that they were only getting more and more worried as time went on.

“Talk to me, man,” Craig laughed nervously, humorlessly, “you’re always talking. Don’t stop now.”

Tweek took a deep, shuddering breath. Craig looked like he was holding his breath, waiting for a response.

“...I’m not always talking, fuck you Craig.”

Craig laughed, relief flooding the sound. The blonde boy cracked a small smile, copying Craig’s trademark by flipping the other off. Craig sat down next to Tweek on the bed, hesitantly reaching out to set his hand on the blonde’s back. He stayed silent, clearly waiting for Tweek to find his voice again.

“It’s…” Tweek cut himself off, tears stubbornly welling up yet again, “My parents, they, uh. They put something in my coffee. I watched them.”

“They… put something in your coffee? Like what?” Confusion was evident in his friend’s nasally voice.

Tweek took a deep breath, and pushed himself off of the bed to stand up, too anxious to keep sitting so still.

“They-! It was-!” Tweek began to pace frantically, “I don’t know what it was! I just went to ask my dad a question and accidentally saw him pour some powder or something into a coffee cup, and then stir it in! I was gonna ask what it was, but then my mom walked up next to my dad and started saying something about how maybe they had to cut back on the amount of that stuff they were giving me. She said she was worried it might hurt me if they accidentally put too much-”

“A-and then my dad said that what they were doing was necessary to help fix me, and that ‘they’d been giving it to me for a while and it hasn’t hurt me yet’. Then, hhh, when I walked in, they just gave the cup to me and smiled! Didn’t even say anything!”

“So, so, then I started thinking! And I realized that the coffee they’ve been making me lately has tasted different! A-and they never want me to, GAH, brew my own anymore. I’ve been feeling weird recently, but I thought it was just-”

Tweek hadn’t even realized he’d started pulling at his hair until he felt Craig’s own hands pulling his away. He abruptly cut off his rant when he felt something of a soft weight on his head. Craig had… taken off his hat and put it on Tweek? Why would he…

“Pull at these,” Craig said quietly, tugging one of the ropes of the hat, “I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

Tweek felt his face heat up. Not now Tweek, seriously?? He mentally scolded himself, you have much bigger problems right now than your stupid crush on your best friend!!

Taking a deep breath and pulling at the hat like Craig had demonstrated, Tweek shifted his eyes to look at the plastic, glow-in-the-dark stars on his friend’s ceiling and continued.

“I don’t-” his voice cracked, “I don’t know what to do, man. I don’t…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

He flinched when Craig abruptly enveloped him in a hug, “I’m so fucking sorry, Tweek. That’s so fucked up. They don’t deserve you.”

This wasn’t the first time Craig had angrily said something along those lines about Tweek’s parents. It was obvious how annoyed it made the boy when Tweek had to work long shifts all by himself, especially when it was a last-minute notice from his parents. He would often huff about how Tweek did more for the shop than they did, and Tweek would always shake his head and defend them.

He didn’t defend them this time.

Instead, Tweek relaxed into Craig’s arms. He had been standing in place, awkwardly frozen as Craig’s arms were wrapped around his waist. Now, Tweek was tightly throwing his arms over Craig’s shoulders, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn’t get hugs often, so this was… nice.

“You’re staying here tonight.” Craig said with a finality that Tweek was too exhausted to argue with even if he wanted to.

Tweek was just relieved that he hadn’t cried. After every other embarrassing detail of that night, there was a slight consolation in knowing that he hadn’t let any tears spill in front of the other boy.

Maybe that was unhealthy, and should probably be talked through with a therapist, but Tweek didn’t really care. He took the t-shirt and shorts that Craig offered him, and climbed into bed with the hat still on his head. As he drifted off to sleep, he thought about how if there was one good thing that came out of the day, it was Craig’s warm body sleeping on the bed next to him.

*

When Tweek woke up, Craig was gone from the room. Sunlight was shining in through the window, and the boy blinked blearily at his surroundings. He was mildly surprised that Craig had woken up before him, as usually it was the other way around. But he supposed the mental exhaustion from last night probably had something to do with it.

He decided to get up and go find Craig, softly padding his way down the stairs of the house. On his way to the kitchen, where he assumed his friend was, he unintentionally caught sight of himself in a mirror. He had to rub his eyes to make sure he was seeing things right. There he was, the same Tweek as always. Messy, rumpled hair, dark eye-bags, knobby knees and scrawny stature, and the signature bandaids scattered across his body from his constant twitching into walls or corners.

He was still that Tweek, obviously. But… looking at himself now, something was different. He and Craig were similar heights, but different in stature, so the borrowed shirt from Craig that he had on was slightly oversized, hanging loosely off of his body. He had somehow managed to keep the hat on his head throughout the night, and it looked unusual over blonde hair instead of black. Not a bad unusual, Tweek mused. He sort of liked how it looked like it didn’t really match him. That way it was obvious that he was borrowing someone else’s hat.

Craig’s hat.

Realizing how long he had been awkwardly standing and staring at himself in the mirror, Tweek hurriedly scurried off before someone could catch him.

True to his assumption, he found Craig in the kitchen, attempting to balance two mugs and a plate in his arms. When the boy turned around and spotted Tweek, he jumped, nearly spilling everything.

“God damnit, don’t sneak up on me like that,” Craig grumbled without any real malice, “I didn’t even hear you walk in.”

“W-whoops?” Tweek grinned, holding out his hands as an offer to take something from Craig.

“I was going to bring this up to the room for us,” Craig explained while handing off a mug to Tweek, “I figured eating in my room would be less hectic than sitting down here and listening to Tricia’s loud-ass voice so early in the morning.”

Tweek figured Craig had a different reason to eat in his room that he just wasn’t telling him, because the blonde boy knew for a fact that Tricia wasn’t even awake yet. Otherwise, she would be here, probably terrorizing Craig and trying to convince Tweek to hang out with her instead. Tweek didn’t really mind, he liked the Tuckers a lot, and it felt good to know that they really liked him too.

Tweek glanced down at the mug Craig had handed him, scrutinizing the dark liquid inside of it.

“I, uh, made you coffee. I wasn’t sure if you would want it, because of, well… Anyway, I figured I would make it just in case. I just used, uh, the coffee grounds that my parents keep next to the coffee machine and…”

Craig kept talking, explaining how he had made the coffee, but Tweek wasn’t really listening anymore. He was smiling, watching Craig’s awkward gestures as he spoke. He almost couldn’t believe that Craig was doing something as sincere as walking Tweek through how he had made the coffee just to make sure Tweek wasn’t uncomfortable or afraid, but-

He shouldn’t be surprised. Craig was always doing stuff like that for him. Like the previous night, when he had been tugging at his hair and Craig gave him his hat. Most of his friends would’ve simply removed Tweek’s hands from his hair (which was appreciated nonetheless, obviously), but Craig was different. He knew that Tweek needed something physical to fidget with when he was freaking out. Tweek had never confirmed that out loud, so it was understandable that his other friends weren’t aware of it, but Craig… it was like Craig knew him almost as well as he knew himself.

“Thanks, Craig.” Craig, whom Tweek had cut off mid-sentence, quickly glanced away and seemed to ever-so-slightly scrunch his shoulders, like he did when he was flustered. Or maybe it was Tweek’s eyes playing tricks on him, getting his hopes up.

Tweek furrowed his brow at the other mug, the one Craig was still holding. Craig didn’t drink coffee, despite Tweek’s insistence over the years that he try it.

“It’s chocolate milk,” Craig shrugged, “just figured I would use a mug as well.”

God, Tweek’s heart was beating a million miles a minute, and if Craig didn’t stop saying awful, endearing things like that, he might just do something terrible like kiss him.

Craig stepped forward, leading Tweek back up the stairs to his room. He put the plate down on his desk, grabbing an extra chair to sit beside his own for Tweek.

“I know you don’t usually eat in the morning, because you’re weird,” Tweek scrunched his nose and started to protest, but Craig continued with an eye-roll, “but I made you toast, because last night was a lot and I’m almost positive that you didn’t eat anything before the party.”

To be fair, Craig was correct, not that Tweek would confirm that and give the other boy that satisfaction. He just rolled his eyes, reluctantly grabbing a piece of toast from the plate to chew on in between sips of coffee. Craig grabbed his laptop and opened it up, typing for a second before pulling up an episode of Red Racer. Tweek snorted out a laugh at the kid’s show, causing Craig to shoot him a glare. This was tradition for them. Craig would put on Red Racer for “nostalgia purposes”, Tweek would tease him, and Craig would pretend to be annoyed with him. Tweek knew he was never truly upset.

They ate quietly, watching the computer in front of them as they did so. Eventually, they had finished their food and drinks, but remained at the desk to watch another episode that was on auto-play. Tweek liked this. He felt… safe? Was that the right word? Was that a weird thing to feel? It was true, though. Sitting here in Craig’s presence, Tweek felt almost zero stress.

The blonde noticed his friend was surveying his phone for texts, occasionally typing a message to whoever was on the other end of the conversation. He didn’t have to wait long to figure out who it was that Craig was texting.

“Clyde and Jimmy are still at Tolkien’s house,” Craig relayed, “they spent the night there. They want to know if we want to go over there and play video games with them.”

Tweek had a feeling that their friends also just wanted to see Tweek for themselves to be sure he was okay, despite Craig most likely having texted them to say he was fine. He felt a pit form in his stomach, anxious thoughts racing as he went over his options. He could go over to Tolkien’s with Craig, and face the music of his breakdown from the night before, which was something he had wanted to avoid at all costs. Or, he could go home to his parents, who were probably watching the morning news and wouldn’t even pay him much mind. Still-

“Hhh, okay. Let’s go to Tolkien’s.”

They had to let Craig’s parents know first, of course, but the Tuckers were always pretty cool with that kind of stuff. When they found them, Tweek apologized nervously for having stayed the night without their knowledge. Mrs. Tucker had simply laughed, reassuring him that he was practically a staple at their household anyways, and that they didn’t mind. Mr. Tucker began to tell Tweek about a new puzzle he had gotten, a hobby that the two shared (although Tweek wasn’t great at putting them together, considering he would feel too pressured and end up jerking pieces across the floor). But Mr. Tucker never got irritated with Tweek for that, or at least never let it show, and still continuously invited the blonde to join him in putting one together whenever he could. Craig cut his dad off quickly, muttering something about how everyone in the family always tried stealing Tweek away from him even though he was his friend. For some reason, Mrs. and Mr. Tucker smirked and shared a look when Craig called Tweak his friend.

With the Tuckers’ approval, Craig and Tweek confirmed to their friends that they would come by, and went to get ready. Tweek really didn’t want to stop at his house to get a change of clothes, so he just put on what he had been wearing the day before- jeans, a button-down, and a sweater. The sweater was a little wrinkled from having laid on the floor of Craig’s room all night, but Tweek figured it was better than nothing.

When Tweek handed Craig’s clothes back to him, he hesitated, unsure of whether he should give back the hat that was still on his head or not. He noticed Craig’s eyes flicker at the hat, an unreadable look on his face. Then Craig began to reach for the hat, and Tweek tried to ignore the disappointment curling in his gut over having to give up the article of clothing.

But Craig didn’t take the hat off of Tweek’s head like he had expected him to. Instead, he adjusted it with pursed lips until it sat properly over Tweek’s wild blonde hair. Once Craig was seemingly satisfied with the hat’s orientation, he nodded approvingly, perhaps unwittingly letting a small smile grace his face.

They walked to Craig’s car, Tweek’s cheeks still trying to cool down from the proximity of the situation.

*

Tolkien’s mom let him and Craig inside, informing them that their friends were in the basement. They made their way down the stairs to see the other boys sitting on the couch, video game controllers in hand.

“H-hey, fellas,” Jimmy greeted, having spotted them first, “we’re playing M-m-mario Kart. Grab a c-controller.”

Tweek felt a little self-conscious, exceedingly aware of the eyes following him and analyzing his appearance. Thankfully, none of them brought up what had happened the night before. Tweek was sure they would ask at some point, but for now he was grateful that they were giving him room to breathe.

“Mario Kart?” Craig raised an eyebrow, sitting on the floor in front of the couch with a video game controller.

Clyde grinned, “Fuck yeah, Mario Kart! And I’m kicking ass right now!”

“He won once, and has been bragging about it for the last five minutes.” Tolkien said with an eye-roll, ignoring Clyde’s pouting at his words.

After Tweek grabbed a controller, he sat down next to Craig, fighting the urge to move close enough that their knees would touch. He looked up to ask Tolkien a question, and saw his three friends making a weird face at each other over his and Craig’s heads.

“What’s, ACK, wrong with you guys?”

“Oh, n-nothing,” Jimmy smirked, “w-we were just ap-appre-appreci-, enjoying your h-hat.”

Tweek quickly whipped his head back to face the TV, not wanting to let them see his burning face. Assholes. He noticed Craig, who hadn’t even taken his eyes off of the screen, raise an arm to flip them off.

They started a new run with Craig and Tweek now present, and chaos unfolded.

“Fuck, GAH, you, Clyde!”

“Stay mad, Tweek!”

“That’s fucking cheating, Jimmy, you asshole!”

“Don’t be a s-sore loser, C-Craig.”

“I don’t know why I keep inviting you fuckers over to my house. CLYDE, STOP DOING THAT I’M IN FIRST-”

Tweek was actually pretty decent at Mario Kart, his tics generally working out in his favor most of the time. He started a winning streak, enabling the rest of his friends to start shouting at him.

“Tweek, you bastard!” Clyde shrieked, “Get out of my way!”

“Hhh, S-Stay mad, dude.”

“Oh, you motherf-”

Just as he was about to cross the finish line and ensure another victory, Tweek’s vision disappeared as Craig pulled the hat over his eyes.

“HEY!” Tweek screeched, “That’s cheating you asshole!”

He shoved the hat back up in time to see Craig fly past him and win the race. Tweek dropped his controller and leaped over at Craig, attempting to wrestle his own controller out of his hands. The two of them laughed, Craig aiming to get hold of his wrists to stop him, but Tweek was too quick. Suddenly, they rolled, and Tweek quickly realized he had made a mistake.

Craig was on his back, looking up at him, eyes wide and blown-out in amusement, and he was holding one of Tweek’s wrists so that he couldn’t squirm away. Tweek was hovering above him, suddenly feeling very hot, cursing himself for being so obviously flustered by their positioning.

“Th-there’s like eight r-rooms in this h-house, could you two m-m-mayb-, possibly g-get one?”

Tweek yelped at Jimmy’s words, and Craig let go of his wrist in surprise, causing the blonde boy to collapse onto the other’s chest with an oof. He quickly scrambled up, avoiding Craig’s eyes at all costs.

“Well, now that we’re done playing the game for a second,” Tolkien cleared his throat, effectively saving Tweek from the awkward situation, “do you want to tell us what happened yesterday, dude?”

Tweek looked down, suddenly very interested in running his fingers through the carpet.

“We just want to know if you’re okay, man.” Clyde said softly.

Tweek sighed, “I… I’m fine, guys. I was just really, ack, freaked out last night over something. But I’m good now.”

He knew it wasn’t the explanation his friends were looking for, but regardless, they let him get away with it.

“Does anyone know how Kenny is doing?” Craig asked, causing Tweek to tilt his head in confusion.

“What happened to Kenny?”

“Oh, crap, it was right before you got there Tweek, so you don’t even know yet!” Clyde gasped, “Someone pranked Kenny by putting soap in his drink.”

“S-soap?” Tweek jerked, “What kind of soap?!”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Clyde rubbed the back of his neck, “probably shampoo or something, since it was definitely a dig at the whole shower thing.”

Tweek stopped breathing. That’s two pranks because of the list. First him, and now Kenny? That means…

He had to warn Marjorine!

“I-I have to go!” Tweek exclaimed frantically, jumping up. He bounded up the stairs, ignoring the confused hollers from his friends calling him to come back, and slammed the door on his way out.

He stood trembling in Tolkien’s front yard, practically hyperventilating from his panic, and realized that Craig had been his ride. So, he did the only thing he could do.

Tweek fucking ran.

Chapter Text

Marjorine didn’t know how to feel. She knew that she was angry, furious at whoever had tampered with Kenny’s drink. She also felt guilt claw at her stomach. Kenny’s drink could only have been messed with during the time that he was talking to her. She had distracted him.

She swallowed thickly, trying her best to focus on the task at hand: preparing herself to go find Kenny. He had disappeared the night before, and while she was afraid that he wanted to be left alone, or maybe just specifically away from her, she knew she had to at least see him for herself. To know that he was okay.

She had laid in bed miserably all morning, barely having gotten any sleep the night before. The only thing she could think of was Kenny. Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.

Her Kenny.

Marjorine didn’t have her license, but she did have a very nice bicycle. It was yellow and had a headlight attached to the front. It wasn’t necessarily dark outside, but Marjorine felt better knowing that she would have adequate light while looking for Kenny. She supposed there was a chance he had just gone straight home, and she could find him at his house, but…

Marjorine knew Kenny better than that. She knew he was outside somewhere.

And she needed to find him.

So, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she slipped on a jacket to combat the early-morning breeze, and went outside to the garage to unlock her bike. She had just finished freeing the thing from its chains when a cross voice from behind sent chills down her spine.

“Marjorine,” she turned slowly, guiltily, to see her dad standing at the garage door with his arms crossed, “just what do you think you’re doing, young lady?”

“Oh, uh, hey Dad!” she winced, palms sweaty despite the cold air, “I was just gonna take ‘ol lassie here for a morning ride. For, uh, exercise!”

She held her breath as he furrowed his eyebrows, “You didn’t ask. You know you’re supposed to ask your mother and I for permission before leaving the house, Marjorine.”

“I, I know, Dad. I’m real sorry… Is it okay for me to go?”

Her dad pursed his lips.

“I’m afraid not,” her heart sank, “it’s much too early. Maybe later.” He turned to walk out of the garage, but Marjorine couldn’t let him go without pleading her case.

“B-but Dad!” she yelped, surprising both him and herself by her sudden act of defiance, “It’s really, really important that I go now.”

“And why is that, young lady? What could possibly be so important for you to need to be going on a bike ride on Sunday morning?”

She faltered a bit, “It-It’s just, I have a lot of homework to do later, so now would be my only opportunity.”

“Well, you should have thought about that yesterday. You could’ve done some homework then instead of hanging out with your friends.” His tone was firm, and it was clear he was done arguing. Marjorine started to panic a little bit. He didn’t understand! She needed to go find Kenny! She needed to make sure he was alright!

He stood at the edge of the garage door, beckoning for her to let go of the bike and follow him. Her eyes flickered over to the garage-door opener, the one that would open the big shutters. It was a button on the side of the wall- the wall across from where her dad was standing.

Marjorine’s heart was racing. She took a deep breath, her mind made up.

“I’m sorry, Dad!” She called out, sprinting over to the wall and hitting the button, “I’ll make it up to you and mom later! Cross my heart!”

“Marjorine! Get back here!”

His face was one of complete shock, and Marjorine knew it would take him a second to shake himself out of the stupor and regain his bearings. So she used that time to her advantage, sliding her bike horizontally under the slow-opening shutters before quickly ducking under them herself.

The shutters weren’t even halfway open yet, and the girl knew her dad wouldn’t be crawling under them like she had to chase after her. She heard him calling after her, but with adrenaline pumping through her veins like crazy, she hopped on her bike and started pedaling like her life depended on it.

It kind of did.

Her heart and mind were racing as she pumped her legs, flying down one block, two blocks, three-

“Oh, hamburgers!” She screamed, bracing herself for impact as a figure ran out in front of her, her bike going much too fast to be able to stop in time. Marjorine and the stranger clashed, causing her to tumble off of the bike harshly, and for the other to collapse to the ground along with her.

She lay still for a second, groaning from the pain. Her head was spinning, and she pushed the bike that was laying on top of her to the side.

“Ugh,” she sat up slowly, holding her dizzy head, “oh man, that hurt.”

“O-oh god! I’m so sorry! I, I wasn’t paying attention! I was just running and, GAH, I didn’t even see you! Did I hurt you?! Oh, god, are you-”

“...Tweek?”

Marjorine watched the boy in front of her blink owlishly, pausing the action of tugging at handfuls of his hair. It seemed like he didn’t trust what he was seeing, like he didn’t quite believe it was her that he had run into.

She waved a hand in front of his dumbfounded face, “Uh, Tweek? Are you okay?”

“MARJORINE!” Tweek screeched, leaping to his feet and pulling her up with him. He held her by the shoulders, wild eyes rapidly scanning her appearance. Then, to her surprise, he pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

“O-oh!” Marjorine gasped and rubbed the boy’s back, noticing how badly he was trembling, “It’s good to see you, too!”

Tweek let go of her, stepping backwards to seemingly catch his breath. Marjorine couldn’t tell if he was relieved to see her or scared out of his mind - he looked like both.

“I was running to, ACK, come find you!”

“Oh, geez, me? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing! Well, nothing yet…” Tweek frowned, “Did you hear about what happened to Kenny yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Marjorine said quietly, “yeah, I did. I was with him when it happened.”

Tweek flashed her a look of concern, probably worried about how defeated her voice sounded. She picked her bike up from the ground and held onto the handlebars, pushing it alongside her as she began to walk. Tweek walked with her, fidgeting with his hands.

“I was on my way to go find him right now, actually,” she confessed, “I’m worried about him. He just left yesterday, and he hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls since.”

“Fuck.” Tweek breathed out, sounding like the gravity of the situation had just hit him. Marjorine, and everyone else, knew that when Kenny was trying to get away from everything, the only person he would still continuously respond to was her. So, if he wasn’t even doing that anymore…

“Why were you coming to look for me?”

“Oh, uh,” Tweek’s head shot up in frantic remembrance, “when I heard about what, GAH, happened to K-Kenny last night, it reminded me of my locker. Someone did something awful to me because of the list, then to Kenny, and if we’re going in order, then…”

“...I would be next.” Marjorine finished for him, and he nodded solemnly. Marjorine swallowed thickly, her mouth feeling dry.

The coupons, Marjorine. Tell him about the coupons.

“For me, whoever did it played off of the whole Zombie-Boy f-freak thing. For Kenny it was the shower comment. We need to try to think of what they c-could use against you!”

He’s wrong about the order. You got the coupon as your “prank” right after his locker incident. You came before Kenny, not after him. You should tell him.

“I-I’m gonna do everything I can to help you, Marjorine. We c-can stop this asshole.” Tweek smiled softly at her as he spoke, and Marjorine’s stomach plummeted with shame. She tried not to let it show on her face.

But why were the coupons so private? Why were Tweek’s and Kenny’s pranks public, but not yours?

Something about this just felt… off. Marjorine, against her better judgment, decided to wait to tell Tweek about the coupons. She just felt like she was missing something. A key part of the story that she needed to figure out before she could solve it.

“Anyway, hhh,” Tweek nervously ran his fingers through his hair, “where do you think Kenny might be?”

“Do you remember the day the list came out, and Kenny and I stopped by Tweak Bro’s?”

“Yeah?”

“Before we went there, we had been at Stark’s Pond. Kenny was in a sort of secluded little area when I met him there. I figure maybe that’s where he is now.”

*

When Marjorine and Tweek arrived at Stark’s Pond, she prayed desperately that they would find Kenny there. This was her only idea. If he wasn’t there, she didn’t know where else he could be.

Luckily for her, as they approached the area where she had skipped rocks with Kenny, she spotted what appeared to be something that was bright orange sticking out amongst the greenery.

She didn’t even bother pointing it out to Tweek, she just took off towards it. She felt like how she had been earlier when she left the house - unable to breath, adrenaline rushing, legs stumbling.

As she got closer, she made out Kenny’s body laying in the frostbitten grass. Her footsteps must have given her away, because his head peaked up to see her, doing a double-take at the sight.

“Marjorine? Tweek?”

Marjorine stopped a few feet away from him. Kenny stood up, dusted himself off, and then broke out into a grin. Marjorine did not feel as amused.

“What are my two favorite blondes doing all the way out here- OOF!” Kenny was interrupted by Marjorine stomping up to him and pushing him backwards as hard as she could.

“I was so worried about you!” She fumed, standing right underneath him, “You didn’t answer my texts! Or my calls! You just disappeared!”

Tweek choked out a cough in the background, and Marjorine couldn’t tell if he was trying to hide his shock at the sudden turn of events, or laughter at it.

“Marj, I-”

“Don’t ‘Marj’ me! Ken, I was worried sick!” She cried, “I didn’t know if you were hurt, or where you were, or how you were doing!”

Kenny looked like a kid caught in a cookie-jar.

“Butterfly,” Kenny said, seemingly oblivious to the pet name that had slipped his tongue, “I- I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have ran, I know that. But I was so ashamed about what had happened, and there was so much going on, and I panicked-”

“Wha-” Marjorine stood stunned, breathless, “W-What did you just call me?”

“Oh, fuck.” Kenny backpedaled, “No, no, no, Marjorine, I didn’t mean it in a bad way! It’s just- you told me not to ‘Marj’ you, a-and I remembered you had told me you used to like when I called you those nicknames, and I’ve been debating for a while if it was a good idea to use them again, so I must have-”

His words were halted by Marjorine’s lips on his own.

She had placed her hands on his cheeks, pulling him into a bruising kiss. At first, Kenny seemed to be frozen, not moving an inch. But just as Marjorine began to pull away, he grabbed her waist and brought her in closer, kissing her back with the passion that comes from years of pent-up feelings.

Marjorine, for all of the emotions she had been through in the last couple hours, felt complete bliss at that very moment. Kenny was the most respectful, genuine boy she had ever known. He remembered what she said about liking those childhood names. He taught her how to skip stones. He walked her home, always stopping short wherever she told him to, so that her dad wouldn’t see him. Marjorine loved Kenny.

Marjorine loved Kenny.

They parted, a dopey look on the boy’s face. Slowly, it faded away.

“But,” he shook his head, dumbfounded, “but I’m… dirty. Everything about me is a mess. You deserve better, Marj.”

“You listen to me, Ken,” Marjorine said in the most serious tone she had ever spoken, “I am tired of people always tellin’ me who I am, what I want, what’s right for me-”

“I know what makes me happy, and that’s what’s right for me. You’re what’s right for me. You are not dirty. You are sweet, and funny, a-and kind! You make me laugh more than anyone else in the entire world, and I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you. I love listening to you talk about Karen, because your whole face lights up because of how proud you are of her and how much you love her. Your smile is so beautiful, and I would do anything to see it all the time. How could you not be the right fella’ for me?”

Kenny smiled, teary-eyed, and wrapped her in a hug. She held him, muffling her own giggles and tears into his chest. They stayed in that embrace for a few moments, just reeling in what had happened.

A quick cough came from behind them. They broke apart from the hug, but kept their hands intertwined.

Marjorine turned around, red in the face, “Ohhhh hamburgers, Tweek, I am SO sorry…”

Tweek was grinning, “T-took you dumbasses long enough.”

Marjorine looked up at Kenny. He was squinting his eyes, opening his mouth to retort, but stopped when she squeezed his palm. She knew he was going to tease Tweek about Craig. She tried her best to convey with a pointed look that he should let Tweek figure his own love life out by himself. Reluctantly, he backed down.

“I’m sorry about what, ACK, happened at the party, man.” Tweek rubbed his shoulder, “I kinda want to murder whoever did that to you.”

Kenny smiled, a wide, genuine one.

“Thanks, Tweekers,” he said, “nice to know all three of us have violent tendencies.”

Tweek snorted, “Y-yeah. Those guys really picked the wrong blondes to f-fuck with. Now we just need to figure out who it is before they can do something to Marjorine.”

Kenny and Tweek began going over possible theories, but Marjorine tuned them out. She was trying to decide if she should tell them about the coupons or not. Tweek was one of her best friends, and Kenny was her… sort-of boyfriend, now? It felt wrong to keep staying silent about the whole thing. She knew it was something they would want to know about.

Just as she was deciding how to bring it up, something caught her attention.

“Wait, wait,” She furrowed her eyebrows, “say that again, Ken.”

“Uhhh… The generic-ass soap tasted awful?”

“No! Well, yes, but-” she tilted her head, “did you say you knew what kind of soap it was?”

“Oh! Yup,” Kenny smirked, popping the ‘p’ of the word, “I know for a fact that it was that shitty store-brand soap that only our lovely, one-of-a-kind South Park shopping center carries.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“‘Cause that’s the only soap my family has ever bought in our entire lives. It’s the cheapest shit out there, but it has this very distinct taste-”

Tweek gawked, “You’ve tasted it before yesterday??”

“It got in my mouth when I was a kid!” Kenny defended himself, “But anyway, it has a super distinct taste and smell. I’m one hundred percent positive that it was the store-brand stuff.”

He paused.

“Wait. Why is that important?”

Marjorine could feel pieces beginning to slot together in her head. She slowly shook her head at Kenny.

“Oh, uh. It’s not important, really, I was just curious.”

Him and Tweek seemed to take that as legitimate enough, and went back to their conversation. Marjorine stared straight forward, her mind whirling.

What do we know now?

The coupons I got were for the men’s section of the shopping center.

The soap from Kenny’s drink was the shopping center’s store-brand soap.

Is that just a coincidence? Or something more?

Tweek’s prank doesn’t seem to have a connection to the shopping center. Maybe I’m grasping for straws?

“Fellas,” Marjorine cleared her throat, “I really need to be gettin’ home. I kind of ran out on my parents to get here, and my dad is surely real sore at me for that. I’m probably already grounded for the next ten years.”

“Fuck, do you think you’re going to be okay going back there?” Kenny asked, “Here, I’ll walk you back.”

“N-no!” Marjorine spluttered, “...I can’t risk my dad seein’ you, Ken. He’s probably upped his security measures, and I don’t want to risk losing this.” On the last word, she squeezed his hand.

Kenny looked hesitant, but nodded, “Okay. Call me if you need anything.”

His eyes were dead serious, and Marjorine flushed underneath the gaze. She reached up on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek, giggling when his breath caught in his throat at the gesture. Waving goodbye to him and Tweek, Marjorine took off to exit Stark’s Pond.

Now, Marjorine did feel bad for lying to Kenny. Especially on the day of their first kiss. She tried to comfort herself by reminding herself that technically, it was only a half-lie.

Her dad WAS probably surveilling the area for her return, and it WOULD be bad if he were to see Kenny.

But that’s not why she didn’t want him to walk her home.

It’s because Marjorine wasn’t going home. She had a mission, and she knew exactly where she needed to go for help.

*

Marjorine had only knocked twice when the door flung open, the girl coming face to face with exactly who she needed for her plan.

The boy in front of her searched around outside, then formed a disappointed frown, “You’re not Tweek.”

“Uh, no.”

“Do you know where Tweek is, then?” The boy, Craig, asked, “I don’t know what happened, but one second this morning he was fine, and the next he was running out of the house without a word.”

Marjorine’s heart swelled. Tweek had dropped everything to find her?

“Yeah, um,” she spoke softly, “he came to find me. He wanted to warn me about something. He’s with Kenny right now.”

Craig’s tense expression relaxed ever-so-slightly, “Oh, okay.”

“Don’t be mad at him,” Marjorine shook her head nervously, “I know he wasn’t trying to just ditch you. He was just really worried about me.”

“I’m not mad. I’m glad you have someone like Tweek to look out for you.”

Marjorine smiled, and then cleared her throat. As much as she was enjoying this, she was still just standing on the Tuckers’ porch.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about Tweek, but that’s not why I’m here.”

Craig raised an eyebrow, but stepped aside so that Marjorine could walk through the doorway. She stepped inside the Tuckers’ house, looking around. She didn’t see Craig’s parents or sister anywhere, but there were traces of them. A mug that read, “Best Mom Ever” was still half full, sitting on a coffee table. There was a newspaper open on the couch, and a sweatshirt that most definitely belonged to Tricia was splayed across the floor.

The front door closed with a click, and Marjorine let Craig lead her to the couch to sit.

“Uh,” Craig looked unsure of what to say, “what’s… uh, up?”

Marjorine did her best to suppress a giggle at his awkwardness, “Tricia works at the shopping center, right?”

She already knew the answer was yes. She’d seen Tricia sweeping the floor of the store plenty of times when she’d visited. Marjorine stopped to talk to the girl once, and learned that while she was only fourteen, Tricia had managed to snag the part-time job fairly easily.

“Yeah? Why?”

Marjorine explained what she had figured out about the connections between the shopping center and the pranks. Craig’s face twisted into a look of distrust.

“You think Tricia made the list? She’s just a freshman… And my sister.”

“Oh, geez, no! That’s not what I meant at all!” Marjorine shook her head frantically, “I was just hoping that maybe Tricia would have some information about anything that’s been out of the norm recently at the shop!”

“Oh,” Craig looked like he was weighing his options, “I just don’t want to get her involved in all of this drama. It already sucks enough that I’m a part of this. I don’t really want her associated with any of it.”

Marjorine’s heart sank, but she understood. She hadn’t thought about how getting involved might be harmful for Tricia. Craig was already a very skeptical and weary enough person as is - if his sister were to get caught up in all of this drama, Marjorine figured his head might explode.

“But-” Craig rubbed the back of his neck, “I want to find the motherfucker who’s behind this. And if this is our only lead…”

He sighed, “I’ll go get Tricia.”

Chapter Text

Tweek remembers being younger and hearing his parents joke about selling him into slavery for the wellbeing of the cafe.

He remembers Kyle questioning why his parents gave him coffee if it made him so anxious and shaky all the time.

He remembers his thirteenth birthday, when he had to tell Clyde and Craig that he couldn’t hang out with them that day, because his parents were making him work an open to close shift.

But, he also remembers the bedtime stories when he was young and unable to sleep.

He remembers the forehead kisses, the hugs, the family dinners. He remembers when he admitted to his mom the distress he was facing over his sexuality, and how she promised him that she would love him the same, no matter what.

Do those moments make up for the hours he spent donning an apron? For the scars on his hands from the burning coffee machine - the ones that his dad wouldn’t let him tend to until his shift was over? All of the present-less Christmases, because his parents were saving up for a new shop appliance? All of the wasted birthdays, and how he would forget the date entirely if it weren’t for his friends being the only ones to wish him a happy birthday?

But… Tweek was okay with all of that. Really, he was. He was okay with it because he had found family in other places.

He found it in the Tuckers, who loved him like their own son, and who threw him mini-celebrations in an attempt to make up for all of the missed holidays.

He found it in Clyde, Tolkien, and Jimmy, who never left him alone during a panic attack. Who never treated him lesser because of his anxieties.

He found it in Kenny, who was like a brother to him. Who let Tweek send him home with copious amounts of baked goods after closing, even though it was obvious that accepting gifts made the boy slightly embarrassed.

He found it in Craig. Craig who could fill his stomach with butterflies and simultaneously calm every nerve in his body.

Tweek could go on for hours, days even, about all of the amazing people in his life, and how they made it all worth it.

But Tweek couldn’t ignore this new… development. No matter how many times he reminded himself of the good things in his life, his mind always came back to the same question:

What were his parents putting in his coffee? And why?

Tweek had parted ways with Kenny soon after Marjorine went home. Even though the idea made him sick to his stomach, he knew he had to go home and talk to his parents. He was nearly eighteen, for Christ’s sake, he could face his fears surrounding confrontation and get the answers he wanted! He could!

…He couldn’t.

Oh god, he couldn’t. Standing nervously in the kitchen doorway, feet glued to the floor as his eyes flitted from his mom to his dad to the coffee machine to his mom to his dad to-

“Son?” Mr. Tweak raised an eyebrow, “Do you need something? Why are you just standing there like that?”

“GAH!”

Mrs. Tweak stood from her seat at the kitchen table, carefully walking over to her jittery son with a cup in hand.

“Did you spend the night with your friends last night? When I went to wake you up this morning, your bed was empty.”

“Um, y-yeah,” Tweek swallowed hard, nervously eyeing the mug that his mother was extending towards him, “I went over to the, uh, Tuckers’ house.”

When his arms stayed motionless at his side, Tweek’s mom frowned, “Honey, this coffee is yours. I made it earlier just for you. I promise it’s still warm!”

Made it just for you. Just for you.

Tweek eyed the mug with distrust, some invisible force not allowing him to accept the drink from his mom.

“Tweek,” his dad laughed awkwardly, “are you tired? You seem like you’re in a trance! Take the coffee from your mother, it will help wake you up.”

“What’s in it?”

It came out like a whisper, Tweek barely even recognized the words as his own.

His dad looked confused, “What do you mean, son? It’s the same Tweak Bro’s brew that you’ve been drinking since you were in diapers.”

Tweek felt a flash of rage run through him.

“Have you been p-poisoning it since I was in diapers, too?!” He spat out angrily, “Or is that a new thing?”

His mom gasped, horror spreading across her face.

“What in god’s name are you talking about, Tweek?” Mr. Tweak gaped, slowly standing and making his way over to where his wife and son stood, as if moving any faster would cause Tweek to flee like a wild animal.

Maybe it would, the boy mused.

Tweek yanked at a fistful of his shirt, twisting away from his parents, “I- I know what you’re doing! I, ACK, saw you p-put something in my coffee! Some powder or something! What was it?!”

His dad was stone-faced, lips pressed into a very thin line. But his mom… his mom’s eyes gave it away. They were filled with shame.

“It’s not poison, Tweek.” Mr. Tweak gritted out, “I don’t know why you would even assume that. We’re your parents!”

“Okay, so what is it th-then?!”

The room fell silent.

“...It’s just an additive,” His mother whispered, tears forming in her eyes as her husband looked on in warning, “it’s just something to help you feel less anxious, sweetie. I promise.”

Tweek stared at her, feeling hollow.

“...Shouldn’t one of you be at the shop right now?”

“Mrs. Broflovski agreed to hold down the fort as a favor while we waited for you to come home.”

“Well,” Tweek made a pained expression, “you should probably go relieve her of her duties. I’m, GAH, g-going to go take a nap.”

His dad frowned, “You have a shift in an hour-”

“No,” Tweek shook his head, “I’m n-not going in.”

And with that, he left his shell-shocked parents in the kitchen, their gaze heavy on his back as he walked away from them.

Tweek closed his bedroom door behind him, and stood still for a few seconds. Then he grabbed a pillow off of his bed and muffled a scream into it. He was so angry. And his parents were lying to him! He knew they were! Even after confronting them, they still couldn’t tell him the truth?!

“Ad-Additive my ass.” He mumbled, flopping onto his bed. He really did want to take a nap. His sleep had been shit lately, minus of course the peaceful rest he had gotten at Craig’s house.

“W-What do I do?!” The blonde boy pleaded with no one, “I can’t keep, ACK, drinking that stuff! B-but I can’t avoid my parents forever!”

The ceiling that Tweek stared at as he yelled didn’t respond. It never did.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tweek found it slightly amusing that the list, which was still a huge deal to the students of South Park High, really meant nothing to him anymore. He had bigger issues now.

*

Monday morning, Tweek wasn’t surprised to see Craig’s car waiting in his driveway. The boy had texted him earlier to let him know that he would be picking him up. Tweek couldn’t find it in himself to argue. He was much too tired, especially now that he was skipping his usual morning cup of coffee. When he had woken up that morning, his parents were already gone, off opening up the shop. They had left a pre-made thermos on the kitchen counter, menacingly waiting for him with a sticky note beside it.

Tweek didn’t even read the note. He crumpled it up and threw it in the trash, and then promptly dumped the coffee down the sink. He hated to admit how much willpower it took.

He was so. fucking. tired.

Stumbling through the door, it took Tweek three tries to lock the door behind him, hands shaking violently. He almost screamed again in frustration, but he didn’t have a pillow to hide the sound this time, and he didn’t need the entire neighborhood knowing what a freak he was.

He already had the kids at school for that.

The blonde walked sluggishly to the car, all but collapsing in the passenger side seat. He kept his eyes closed, refusing to look at his friend.

“Tweek.”

As much as he tried to fight it, Craig’s stoic voice made him crack an eye open. Craig was holding a thermos.

“I wasn’t sure if you were bringing any in today,” Craig said, scanning Tweek’s belongings, “and I guess you didn’t. Anyway, I made this for you just in case you wanted it.”

As Craig held it out for Tweek to take, the blonde boy sat up straight and gaped at his friend. Despite this being the second time Craig had made this gesture of affection, it still caught Tweek off guard.

Craig must have taken his silence as hesitancy, so he continued, faltering slightly.

“I, uh, made it with these Harbucks coffee grinds that my parents buy,” he told Tweek, “I just filled our coffee machine with water and put the grinds in. That’s all.”

Tweek’s eyes softened, and he carefully took the thermos from Craig’s hands.

“Th-Thanks, man. I appreciate you ex-explaining the process to me, but I, GAH, trust you. You don’t have to, to keep going over how you made it.” Tweek smiled as he spoke,

Craig’s shoulders scrunched up, “...’M just making sure you don’t have to worry about what’s in it.”

Tweek laughed, unsure of how else to react to the sentiment. Craig put the car in reverse, pulling out of the driveway, and began the drive to school.

Just as they pulled into a parking spot in the school’s student lot, Tweek remembered something important.

“Oh, Craig!” He rummaged through his backpack, eventually finding what he was searching for, “Here’s your hat. S-sorry for keeping it for so long. Don’t worry, I washed it!”

“Tweek, you didn’t have to-”

“O-oh! And I also made you this,” Tweek continued, pulling a tiny package out of his backpack, “it’s one of those sugar cookies you really, hhh, like from the shop.”

He handed it off, and Craig inspected it closely. Tweek had decorated the cookie to look like the surface of the moon, along with a tiny spaceship resting on it. Tweek prided himself on his icing, feeling pretty confident in his skills seeing as he had been Tweak Bro’s designated baker for as long as he could remember. Craig was silent, mouth ever-so-slightly ajar, and Tweek panicked.

“I-if you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it! I, GAH, just wanted to make it as a, a thank you for the l-last few days!”

Craig’s eyes met Tweek’s own, and suddenly all of the breath was knocked from the blonde boy’s lungs.

“...Fuck. Thanks, Tweek.”

Tweek wasn’t entirely sure what the look on Craig’s face meant, but he hoped it wasn’t anything negative.

Craig glanced down at the cookie again, “How… How did you remember these were the cookies I liked? I only told you, like, once.”

“W-well, ever since I found out that you don’t like coffee, I wanted to find something that you did like from the shop.” Tweek admitted sheepishly, “...Besides, sugar cookies are the most basic f-flavor, Craig. I would’ve had a good probability of guessing it right anyw-ways.”

Craig snorted and yanked his hat on, “Fuck you, dude, don’t call my cookie preferences basic.”

Tweek laughed, feeling a sort of freeness loosen the tight feeling in his chest from earlier. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked inside the school with Craig. Tweek was on the lookout for Tolkien, Clyde, and Jimmy, and was surprised to not only find them, but also-

Eric Cartman.

Tweek groaned, not looking forward to finding out what the boy could possibly want from their group.

“Tweek! Craig! Just the two people I was looking for!” Cartman exclaimed, smiling devilishly at them. Jimmy and Clyde looked confused, and Tolkien just seemed dismayed about the boy’s presence.

Craig stopped a few steps away from Cartman, and then turned around and began to walk the other direction.

“Nope. Don’t care. I don’t want any part in whatever you want from us.”

“Craig, you asshole, come back!” Cartman whined, “I have news for you!”

Craig kept walking, “I seriously do not give a fuck.”

“It’s about the person who made the list!”

Craig stopped dead in his tracks, and turned around slowly. Tweek held his breath.

“You’re telling me that you know who made the list?”

“W-well,” Cartman flubbed, “not exactly, but- HEY, WAIT COME BACK!”

Again, Craig was walking away from him, this time with a middle finger raised in the air. Tweek scurried after him, the rest of their friends in tow, leaving Cartman in the dust. Tweek quickly caught up to Craig, who was grumbling under his breath something about “the nerve of that fatass”.

“What do you think he was going to say?” Tweek asked, mentally kicking himself for being lured in by what was obviously just easy bait from Cartman.

“Probably just something stupid. Or offensive. Or both.” Clyde responded, thoughtfully nodding his head as he spoke.

“I don’t kn-know what you f-fellas are t-ta-talking about,” Jimmy smirked, “Eric is a dis-distinguished individual. I’m sure wh-whatever he had to, had to say, was worth our precious t-t-time.”

Tolkien ignored Jimmy, shaking his head, “Whatever it was, we’re probably better off not knowing.”

The group made their way to their hallway, briefly splitting up to find their respective lockers. As Tweek unpacked his backpack, he noticed Marjorine standing at her own locker not too far down from his, and Kenny alongside her.

“Holy shit,” Craig said, monotone as ever, “are Kenny and Marjorine holding hands?”

Tweek looked back over at the pair, laughing when he realized that their hands were indeed interlocked.

“Y-yeah, dude! They basically got together yesterday! I third-wheeled and it was so, ACK, awkward.”

“Huh… Maybe a few good things did come out of the list.”

Tweek furrowed his eyebrows, facing Craig, the boy who rarely voiced optimistic opinions, and squinted his eyes at him. Besides Kenny and Marjorine, what else could he be talking about-

The blonde boy heard footsteps behind him, and turned to see Kenny and Marjorine walking over towards them.

“‘Sup Tweek, Craig.” Kenny grinned goofily, slinging an arm around Tweek’s shoulders, “No hat today, Tweek? Shame.”

Tweek’s eye twitched, and he elbowed Kenny in the gut, satisfied as the boy swore in pain. Kenny removed his arm from around Tweek, sent him a dirty look, and then quickly moved on to wrap an arm around Marjorine’s waist. Tweek rolled his eyes.

“Craigory,” Kenny said in a sing-song voice, “I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Marjorine.”

The girl beside him giggled, “Ken! Craig knows who I am!”

“Yeah, but only as Marjorine. Now he knows you as Marjorine, who also happens to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh, alright! Let me try! Craig, I would like to introduce you to my boyf-”

“I get the picture,” Craig held his hand up in protest, “you guys are gross and in love. Good for you.”

“Could be you, too, if you had the balls to-” Kenny was cut off by another elbow to the gut, this time from Craig.

“God, why do people keep doing that to me?!”

“Craig, are we all set for after school today with Tricia?” Marjorine piped up, and Tweek blinked in confusion.

Tweek could tell Kenny was confused too, probably because Marjorine and Craig weren’t exactly known to hang out. They were friends of course, but Tweek thought they were more friends in the way of ‘I will talk to you at school or group hangouts, but not much more than that’. Guess he was wrong.

“Yup. She said she was down to talk.” Craig then rolled his eyes, “...But only after scamming me out of ten dollars, that weasel.”

Tweek snorted, not paying mind to the glare Craig sent him.

“What are you guys talking about with Tricia?”

Marjorine and Craig made eye contact with each other before quickly averting their eyes. Tweek felt something akin to jealousy curl in his gut, before reminding himself how crazy that was. Marjorine was head over heels in love with Kenny!

But what if Craig liked Marjorine? OH GOD, what if he wants to have an affair with her?! Kenny would kill him, I have to-

“I wanted to ask her about her job at the shopping center!” Marjorine chirped cheerfully, “I was thinking about applying, and Craig offered to set up a time with Tricia so that I could get her opinion on it.”

Tweek snapped out of his thoughts, suddenly extremely guilty for the conclusions he jumped to. Maybe the lack of coffee lately had something to do with his extra-paranoid thoughts. Remembering the coffee that Craig had made for him, Tweek took a long drink out of the cup in order to hopefully drown out the voice in his head. The liquid burned his throat, but Tweek didn’t mind. The sensation helped keep him grounded to reality. When he lowered the cup, he could tell Craig was looking at him, but he very pointedly pretended not to notice. The warning bell rang, allowing Tweek an excuse to scramble for his first period materials and make a getaway.

“Don’t want to be l-late, bye guys!” Tweek yelped, speeding off in the direction of his class. He could almost hear Kenny say something to Craig behind him, and Craig respond with a stern voice, but he figured it couldn’t be too important.

Just as he was rushing past the boys’ bathroom, something grabbed his arm and yanked him sideways. He stumbled inside.

“AHHH! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” Tweek kept his eyes squeezed shut, “I-I KNOW HOW TO BOX! I’LL, GAH, FUCK YOU UP!”

“Jesus Christ, Tweek, calm the fuck down!” Tweek popped one eye open upon hearing the annoyed voice, and found one pissed-off Cartman standing in front of him.

“Cartman?!” Tweek whisper-shouted, “What the hell do you want from me?!”

“I want to tell you and Craig what I know about the list, but obviously Craig isn’t going to listen, so I’ll have to just work with you.”

“I,” Tweek pulled his arm out of the boy’s grip harshly, “don’t want to listen ei-either. You’re full of shit, man.”

The blonde turned to leave, frustrated about the inevitable tardy to first period that he would be receiving, when he caught sight of another figure in his peripheral vision.

“Tweek, wait,” Tweek froze as he heard the sound of a drained voice sighing, “it’s important.”

“S-Stan?!”

“Kyle, too.” The redhead emerged from the corner, Tweek suddenly having a very, very bad feeling about this.

“We think we might know who made the list. But we need your help to confirm it.”

Chapter Text

As much as Kenny loved spending all of his time with Marjorine - and I mean, loved it, loved it - he also felt the need to spend some quality time with his best friends.

…But if he only felt that urge after Marjorine left to sit with Wendy and Bebe at the girls’ lunch table, well, no one needed to know that.

Yet, as the blonde boy scanned the lunchroom for his friends, even triple-checking their normal table, he couldn’t seem to find a tuft of red hair or a blue hat anywhere amongst the sea of other teenagers.

Annoyed, Kenny fished his phone out of his pocket, wincing slightly at his screen that notified him of what was left of its battery - only ten percent. Luckily for him, Stan picked up on the first ring.

“Where the fuck are you guys?”

“Talking to Tweek.”

“That’s not a location.”

Stan grumbled over the phone, and Kenny flicked his eyes over to a specific table and- yup, Tweek was also missing from his normal spot.

“We’re outside, by the west doors. Needed a place to smoke without any teachers catching us.”

Kenny laughed, “What, are you guys talking to Tweek or torturing him? You know he doesn’t like being around smoke.”

“Tweek’s actually the one who suggested it. Said he needs to ‘calm down’ or something.”

Kenny’s amusement disappeared.

“I’m on my way.”

When Kenny arrived to the west side of the school, hands shoved in his pockets and hood all the way up to combat the cold, he found exactly what he feared: Tweek, cigarette in hand, frantically pacing back and forth alongside Stan, Kyle, and a highly entertained Cartman.

Cartman spotted him first.

“Ay, Kinny, look!” He shouted gleefully as Kenny jogged over to meet them, “He’s having a total meltdown! Oh, oh god! It’s so- so funny, I can’t-!”

“Shut up, fatass, it’s not funny.” Kyle’s eye twitched, and then he turned to face Kenny, “He’s freaking out man. We don’t know what to do.”

Kenny gingerly approached Tweek, who was still pacing.

“Hey, buddy,” he reached a hand out to place on the other boy’s shoulder, “maybe we should put the cigarette out-”

Tweek roughly wrangled himself out of Kenny’s grip, “N-no way, man! This is too, GAH, too stressful! I need this!”

Kenny slowly turned around to suspiciously glare at his other three friends.

“What the hell did you guys do to him?! Craig is gonna kill you!”

“We didn’t do anything!” Stan squealed defensively, “All we did was tell him who we think might have made the list!”

Kenny felt the air get knocked out of his chest, “...You- You think you know who made the list?”

“Guys, I thought we agreed not to tell Kinny!”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me?!”

Cartman sighed in exasperation, “Because we knew you’d get all protective and stuff about your stupid girlfriend and go after the person before we even confirmed it!”

“It’s still so weird seeing Cartman actually be patient for once.” Stan commented, eyes wide.

“I know, right?” Kyle shuddered, “It’s freaky. Maybe he got body-snatched or something.”

“‘AY!”

Kenny shook his head in disbelief, “Slow the fuck down. Who are you guys talking about? Who made the list?”

Kenny watched as Stan and Kyle glanced at each other nervously. Cartman was deliberately looking anywhere but Kenny’s eyes. The blonde could feel his blood begin to boil. He had a right to know! He had a right to know who said that awful stuff about his girlfriend-!

“Kenny.”

He snapped out of his rage after his name was called, and he watched Tweek take a step forward. The boy dropped his cigarette, snuffed it out with the edge of his shoe, and took a deep, shuddering breath.

And as Tweek told him the name he was after, Kenny’s jaw dropped.

*

Tuck, fold, straighten, repeat.

Kenny focused himself solely on the task of organizing his cluttered living room in preparation for his movie date with Marjorine. He didn’t let any other thought enter his mind, especially not one about the list.

He nervously eyed the blanket he had gotten for his birthday from Marjorine some years ago, and only hesitated a little bit before rushing to refold it. He wanted this date to go well. More importantly, he wanted Marjorine to be comfortable.

The two had decided on having a little movie date, and seeing as Stephen Stotch had a zero-tolerance policy on his daughter having boys over (especially if that boy happened to be that delinquent McCormick kid-), Kenny offered his house up for use. Thankfully his parents weren’t going to be home that night, so he didn’t have to handle that issue. He had debated hosting the date in his bedroom, but there were a few problems with that.

One, the house only had one (shitty) TV, and it was in the living room.

Two, although Kenny often used his phone to illegally download laggy, terrible-quality movies to watch for himself, he didn’t think that would be that impressive of a romantic gesture for Marj.

Three, he wanted Marjorine to feel comfortable. He was scared that if he led her to his bedroom, she might get the wrong idea, and feel pressured to do certain things. Kenny didn’t want that. Kenny wanted her to feel safe and comfortable, and not have to worry about doing anything besides watching a movie and cuddling that night… And maybe making out, but only if she wanted to!

So, living room it was. There was really only one con to that option.

“Oh, Kenny!”

Speak of the con, and she shall appear.

“What do you want, Karen?” Kenny huffed, “Marjorine is going to be here soon.”

His sister looked unimpressed, “You said she was coming over at nine. That’s two hours from now. Why so late, anyways?”

“Marj has to wait until her dad goes to bed before she can sneak out.”

“Ah, just like Romeo and Juliet,” Karen teased, “forbidden love!”

Kenny smacked her with a pillow, only a little regretful for ruining the perfect couch layout he had going. Karen grabbed another pillow and knocked Kenny to the ground with it, choosing to repeatedly hit him with it rather than show him mercy.

“Brat!” Kenny yelled, but he was laughing. The pillow didn’t hurt, and Karen seemed to be having fun. Fun at his expense, yes, but fun nonetheless.

Eventually Karen relented, allowing her older brother to catch his breath. She grinned victoriously before suddenly straightening up as if an idea had just hit her.

“We still have leftover cake mix from Mom’s last birthday!” Ah, yes. The cake mix that Kenny had spent his limited salary on a couple months back, only for his mother to turn her nose up at the idea of it and instead spend her special day at the bar. “You should make cupcakes for Marjorine! I’ll help, I know where the tins are!”

Kenny stared at his sister, bewildered at how easily she hopped from one task to another. The younger girl tossed the pillow she was holding onto the couch, and started to bound in the direction of the kitchen, before screeching to a sudden stop.

“What are you doing on the floor for?” She asked in exasperation, “C’mon, lets go!”

“H-hey! I’m on the floor because of you, you little asshole!”

“Cupcakes, Kenny! Get a move on!”

Kenny rolled his eyes, but stood up and dusted himself off to follow Karen into the kitchen.

He stood back as his sister scurried around the kitchen, grabbing items from various counters and cupboards. He was slightly surprised to find out that their family even owned half of these things - he swore he'd never seen that whisk here before. Still, he let Karen happily navigate their appliances, and eventually grab the aforementioned cake mix.

He let himself be bossed around by Karen, somehow managing to keep his eye-rolls to a minimum. He had to keep reminding himself that it was refreshing to see Karen out of her room for once, but it was really hard to do that when she was micromanaging how he washed his hands-

Eventually, the two fell into a rhythm. Kenny mixed wet and dry ingredients together before handing off the batter to Karen for her to scoop into the tins. They worked in silence, both McCormicks strictly concentrating on making sure the cupcakes would be perfect for Marjorine. Or, at least as perfect as they could manage. Kenny was no Tweek when it came to baking, but he figured he could hopefully scrape together something decent enough.

After a few minutes of quiet stirring, Karen spoke quietly.

“Kenny?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what you want to do after you graduate this year?”

Kenny paused. He heard this question from adults and teachers a lot, but he usually just spouted off some bullshit answer without even thinking about it. But, I mean, what did he want to do? He sure as hell didn’t think any college would be taking him, and he didn’t really have any recognizable skills that he could put work into. Maybe he could go to trade school? Or maybe he would just be stuck in South Park, mowing and snow-blowing shitty lawns for shitty people for the rest of his shitty life.

“I guess I don’t really know. Why, got any ideas for me?” He said the last part with a grin, hoping to get a snarky response out of Karen, but she remained abnormally quiet.

“It’s just…” She hesitated, “I’m only a freshman, Kenny. I don’t graduate for another three years after this one. That’s three years in this house, alone, with Mom and Dad.”

Kenny’s throat tightened as he heard Karen talk through a strained voice.

“Kevin left after he graduated, and we haven’t seen him since. If you do the same…” Her voice cracked, and she wavered, “I dunno’ what I’ll do. I don’t want to be alone.”

Kenny scrambled to set down his mixing bowl and gently grab his sister by the shoulders. She looked up at him with wide eyes, ones that were brimming with tears.

“Karen,” he said seriously, “I am not going to leave you. I am not going to let you be alone with them. I promise.”

“But how?”

“I’ll figure something out,” Kenny grasped for possible ideas, “I’ll get one of those apartments over on the other side of town. You can live with me. It’ll be okay.”

Karen let a small sob escape her throat, “How are we going to pay for it, Kenny?”

“I- I don’t-”

The boy squeezed his eyes shut, unable to watch his sister cry any longer. He knew it was cowardly, but he needed a second to pull himself together.

“...We’ll find someone to split the rent with. I’ll get a better-paying job than mowing lawns, and we’ll be able to get by. We will, Karen.”

“Like who?”

Kenny wracked his brain for answers. Who would want to uproot their nice, stable life in a nice, stable house to live with him and his sister in a tiny, cramped apartment?

Someone who’s life was neither nice nor stable!

“Tweek!” Kenny blurted out, and Karen’s tears momentarily subsided as she thought over the information, “Tweek has a good income at his parents’ shop, and I know he has it rough at home right now. He would totally move in with us.”

The blonde boy let out a sigh of relief as a small grin cracked his sister’s face.

“I do like those pastries that Tweek makes.”

“He would be our roommate, not our personal chef, Karen.”

“Who’s to say he can’t be both?”

Kenny snorted and ruffled Karen’s hair, the girl yelping in protest and squirming away from him.

“You’re a dick.”

“Gonna have to get used to it if we’re going to live together, Kar-bear.”

“Literally go walk into oncoming traffic.”

The oven beeped to signal it was ready, and Kenny carefully placed the tray inside, doing his best to avoid burning himself. For all of the surprise kitchen appliances he had discovered that day, oven-mitts were not one of them.

“After they’re done baking and cooled off, I’ll help you decorate them.” Karen patted his shoulder twice, “Try not to fuck this up. Marjorine is cool, and I like her more than you.”

Kenny flipped her off, his sister snickering and slinking off to her room.

Once alone in the kitchen, he let out a deep sigh and braced himself against the counter, eyes squeezed shut.

They don’t know for sure, He tried to reassure himself, it’s just a guess.

*

By the time Karen had finished helping Kenny frost the cupcakes (or, more realistically, harassing Kenny about his handiwork), it was almost time for Marjorine to arrive.

The boy checked his phone nervously. No new messages.

He had texted Marjorine to let him know when she was on her way, but he hadn’t gotten a response yet. He desperately prayed that her dad hadn’t caught her sneaking out.

“Kenny,” He turned to see Karen squinting at the window, “it’s raining. Is she walking?”

“Shit, yeah she is.”

He opened his phone again to his text thread with Marjorine.

Marj <3
I love you too, Ken!

8:41 pm

Me
let me know when you’re on your way, pretty girl ;)

8:49 pm

Me
everything okay?

8:58 pm

Me
hey, i just saw that it’s raining out there
do you want me to meet you halfway and walk together??
marj?

Kenny had a pit in his stomach, but he did his best to try and squash the nerves down. He couldn’t start freaking out now, he was sure there was a good explanation for this. Maybe Marj’s phone died? Or maybe…

No, yeah, that’s the only idea he could come up with. Fuck.

The boy was startled out of his wallowing by the sound of knocking at the door.

Marjorine!

“Scram.” Kenny muttered to Karen as he rushed to the door, the younger girl reluctantly returning to her bedroom.

Already ten times more relieved about Marjorine’s location, Kenny opened the door with a grin.

“Ready for the best horror movie Hollywood has to offer-?”

Kenny cut himself off, grin dropping immediately.

Marjorine stood in the doorway, hair pitifully soaked and flat against her head, her dress and converse muddied, and a pained expression on her face. She rocked back and forth on her feet timidly, reverting to her old habit of knocking her fists together out of anxiousness.

“...W-what happened? Buttercup?”

At the pet name, Marjorine met Kenny’s eyes, and the boy’s stomach turned as he noticed the mascara running down her face.

“‘M sorry ‘m late.” She lowered her gaze once again, shamefully.

Kenny pulled her inside, slammed the door shut to protect them from the cold rain, and engulfed his girl in a hug.

His girl.

Marjorine let out a muffled sob into his shoulder, and Kenny held her tighter. She was grabbing fistfuls of Kenny’s favorite shirt, which would surely result in it being wrinkled to hell and back later, but couldn’t care less about that. All he cared about was the girl in front of him.

Gently, he pulled away from Marjorine, the girl practically closing in on herself after losing his warmth. Kenny lightly put a hand under the girl’s chin, and lifted it upwards so that he could view her face better.

“Baby,” he pleaded, “what’s wrong? You’re kinda freaking me out, here.”

He ended the sentence with nervous laughter in an attempt to lighten the situation, but it fell flat.

“I know who made the list.”

Chapter Text

Marjorine sat back as Kenny fussed over her, feeling a sort of hollowness in her chest. The boy had calmed her down, given her one of his sweatshirts and a pair of athletic shorts (both of which were too big for her and threatened to slip off her body, but at least she could roll the shorts), and sat her on the couch while he made them hot chocolate. She knew that hot chocolate was a delicacy in the McCormick household, and that the box that sat at the back of their pantry was only ever taken out for special occasions.

But here Kenny was, making her a mug of hot chocolate to help warm her up.

Lost in her thoughts, Marjorine barely noticed Kenny return with two mugs in hand, and a worried expression on his face. He was also balancing something else - a plate.

“Karen and I made cupcakes for you,” he explained, and Marjorine felt her eyes light up in spite of her current mood, “looks like that was a good decision, huh?”

Kenny carefully sat down next to Marjorine, and she noticed that he was purposefully leaving her enough room to decide whether she wanted physical contact or not. She scooted closer, the skin of her legs still cold from the rain pressed against Kenny’s warm thigh. Marjorine stifled a giggle at Kenny’s flustered gasp.

The boy handed off a mug to Marjorine, who accepted it happily, and set the plate of cupcakes on the armrest of the couch.

“So,” Kenny grinned hesitantly, “what’s this about knowing who made the list?”

Marjorine allowed silence to envelop them as she took a deep breath.

“It- It’d be easier if I told you the whole story,” she grimaced, “but, uh, you might not like certain parts of it, Ken.”

Kenny furrowed his eyebrows, “Why not?”

“Oh, geez, it’s nothing bad, I swear! It’s just that… I told a few white lies to you so that you wouldn’t get all riled up and worried ‘bout me.”

“Okay… Like what?”

Marjorine sighed, “Well, mostly the real reason why Craig and I were together today.”

“Right, right,” Kenny nodded his head, “would you happen to know if Craig was at his house tonight? For unrelated reasons.”

“Kenny.” Marjorine narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, “Don’t attack Craig.”

“Wha-! I assure you, Miss Stotch, my intentions are nothing but honorable-”

Marjorine cut him off by shoving one of the cupcakes in his mouth, managing to get the frosting all over his nose. She laughed at the boy’s shocked expression.

“Oh, you’re going to pay for that.” Kenny grinned, using a napkin to wipe his face clean from the mess.

“Do you wanna hear the story or not?”

“Yes! Yes! I do, Marj… You can tell me anything.”

Kenny said the last part with an alarming amount of sincerity, and it made Marjorine’s mouth grow dry. Kenny’s eyes were soft, and he had a hand resting on Marjorine’s thigh, light as a feather in case the touch was unwanted. It was not. The look in his eyes made Marjorine want to spill everything from the last week to him. Everything she had been keeping in, everything she had kept hidden from him.

Looking at the boy in front of her, Marjorine knew she could trust him. She’d known that for a long time, really, but now it was time to prove it. She loved Kenny. She really, really loved him. And she knew that he deserved the truth, regardless of how good her previous intentions were.

It was funny, because with Kenny’s eyes on her and the truth on the tip of her tongue, Marjorine felt like she was… reaching the end of something. Like a conclusion, or end of an era. She thought back to when this had all started, when she had compared her life to a sitcom. Maybe I’m in a romcom, she mused as she placed a hand over Kenny’s own. Well. If she was going with the whole ‘sitcom’ shtick, she might as well do a damn good voice-over narration for her boyfriend.

She took a deep breath in, “After school today, Craig and I got in his car and drove to his house…”

*

6 hours earlier

The gravel crunched beneath the car’s tires as they pulled into Craig’s driveway. Marjorine went to unbuckle her seatbelt and open the door, but halted when she noticed Craig wasn’t moving.

“Uh, Craig? You okay there, buddy?”

The boy cleared his throat, “Yeah, uh, I’m fine. Just thinking.”

Marjorine leaned back in her seat, abandoning her task of leaving the car.

“Thinking about what?”

“I just… I just want this to be over with.” Craig said with frustration, but Marjorine could hear the misery that laced his words, “It’s always one thing after another in this town. And this list bullshit has been drawn out for too goddamn long.”

“...Well, lucky for you, Craig,” Marjorine nodded her head pridefully as the boy peered over at her, “we’re gonna find out who made that list and be the best dang detectives this town has ever seen!”

Craig raised an eyebrow.

“Better than the Hardly Boys?” He drawled in a monotone voice, but his lips tilted upwards by a fraction.

Marjorine shuddered, “Ugh, don’t remind me ‘bout those guys, Craig. They gave me the creeps.”

“They were definitely sex offenders.”

Marjorine huffed at Craig’s amused indifference, and opened the car door to step out. Craig was quick behind her, locking his car and leading them to his front door. As they stepped inside, Marjorine was hit with the familiar warmth that came from the Tucker household, and a smile graced her face at the feeling.

“Craig? Is that you? Is that Tweek with you?”

Mrs. Tucker’s voice rang out from somewhere else in the house, and Craig’s shoulders scrunched up as he quickly shut the door behind him.

“Yes, it’s me. No, it’s not Tweek.” He called back, grumbling as he took his coat and shoes off.

“Well, then who is it-” Mrs. Tucker entered the living room, and blinked in confusion at the girl next to her son. Marjorine waved. “Marjorine Stotch? I haven’t seen you in such a long time! How are you, dear?”

“Mom, we’re busy. The questions can wait ‘till later.”

The woman placed her hands on her hips, “Oh, really? And what are you so busy with?”

“Um,” Marjorine’s mind blanked, and she decided to stick with the lie from earlier, “Craig said I could come over to talk to Tricia about her job at the shopping center! I’m thinking about applying.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Tucker smiled, “how sweet. That’s very thoughtful of you, Craig.”

Craig flipped his mother off in embarrassment, and Marjorine didn’t even have time to gasp at the action before Mrs. Tucker returned the gesture without hesitation, grinning at her son.

Right. Marjorine had forgotten how the Tuckers showed each other affection.

…Weird.

“Well, fine then. I won’t keep you any longer, go on and talk to Tricia.”

Marjorine said a quick thank you for the greeting and hurried to follow Craig, who was already stalking off in the direction of his sister’s room.

Upon entering the room, Marjorine noticed that all of the lights were off except for one lamp. The glow from the lamp illuminated a chair facing the opposite direction of the doorway, and Marjorine almost had a heart attack when the chair spun around to reveal Tricia.

The younger girl cackled, “Oh man, sorry Marjorine! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“Tricia, what the hell are you doing.”

Tricia ignored her brother and tapped her fingers to her chin, “I seem to recall that last time you two were in my office-”

“This is your bedroom, not an office.”

“-my office, you were looking to talk to me about my job at the shopping center.”

“Yeah,” Craig frowned in irritation as he flicked the light switch for the room, turning it on, “except you were too busy talking to some stupid boy to help us.”

Tricia raised her middle finger, “If I had to choose between talking to that stupid boy or this stupid boy,” she gestured to Craig’s presence, “I’m sorry, dear brother, but I pick the other one.”

Craig’s eye twitched, and Marjorine decided to intervene before she had to witness a sibling brawl.

“Tricia,” Marjorine gained the girl’s attention, “has the shopping center hired any new employees recently?”

Tricia seemed to think over the question, “Uh, yeah, a couple weeks ago. Why?”

“Really?! Who?!”

“That weird guy who used to sell illegal fireworks to kids. I think his name is like, Henry, or something.”

Marjorine’s heart sank. So the new-hire was not a student at South Park High. Scratch that idea from the list.

Craig took a step forward, “Do you remember if anyone has bought soap from the center in the last couple weeks?”

“Craig, why the fuck would I know something like that?” Tricia deadpanned, “I don’t even work the register. Besides, soap is, like, such a common thing to buy.”

Craig seemed to deflate, and Marjorine winced. Okay, no problem, next idea!

“Well, you guys have copies of every transaction you make, right?” Marjorine asked hopefully, “Like a receipt or something?”

“Well, yeah,” Tricia shrugged, “but you would only see peoples’ names if they paid with card. And like I said, people buy soap pretty much every day. It would be hard to narrow something like that down.”

Marjorine felt disappointment seep into her bones. She had really thought that this plan would work, that she could get the answers she was looking for. Tricia’s face contorted in sympathy, but the girl didn’t seem to know what else to say. Marjorine dragged her feet across the room and sat down on Tricia’s bed. She felt defeated. This had been her only hope.

The bed dipped besides Marjorine as another weight settled onto it - Craig. His eyebrows were furrowed in deep thought.

He turned to her, “Marjorine, didn’t you say that someone gave you coupons for the shopping center?”

“Oh, yeah!” Marjorine gasped, “Tricia, you guys must have a list of everyone in South Park that has a subscription to those coupons, right?”

Tricia wore a look of confusion, and Marjorine wanted to kick herself for getting her hopes up.

“I don’t…” Tricia shook her head, “The shopping center doesn’t use coupons anymore. They canceled the production of them, like, a year ago.”

Marjorine’s heart plummeted. A… a year ago? Why would someone keep coupons that were so old lying around? There’s no way someone could have had this exact scenario in mind a year ago when they were deciding if they should throw out the useless coupons or not.

“But also,” Tricia said in confusion, “a few months before we even got rid of them for good, we discontinued them. Nobody ever used them, so the shopping center just recalled the ones that were already made, and then stopped producing them.”

Craig sat up straighter, “They kept the old coupons? Where?”

“Um,” Tricia appeared to be thinking strongly, “uh…”

Please, please, Marjorine silently begged, please let Tricia remember.

“Oh!” Tricia lit up, “I remember! They were filed away in a storage unit behind the center!”

“Tricia, who has access to that storage unit?” Craig demanded. His sister suddenly had a look of distress on her face.

“I’m sorry guys,” Tricia said with guilt, “The store sold that unit to some other shop a couple months ago. There wasn’t anything we needed from there, so we left all of the old merchandise and stuff in there for the other guys to throw away.”

“Other merchandise…” Marjorine repeated quietly, before standing straight up with a determined look, “As in, other merchandise like soap could’ve been in there?”

“Well, I mean, I guess,” Tricia looked confused, “but I don’t really see how that narrows anything down for you guys-”

“Tricia,” Craig stood up alongside Marjorine, “do you know who the shopping center sold that storage unit to?”

Tricia pondered the question for a moment, and then lit up with recognition.

*

Marjorine finished out the story with the name that Tricia had given them, and Kenny slumped backwards in horror. Marjorine sat quietly as he absorbed the information, waiting to speak again until after Kenny had processed it all.

“So… The guys were right.” Kenny mumbled, disbelief written all over his face. Marjorine frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean? What guys?”

Kenny shook himself out of his stupor, “Cartman, Kyle, and Stan told me they had an idea about who made the list. And they were right.”

Marjorine sat, stunned into silence. Cartman… figured it out before she did?

Cartman?!

“Aw, hamburgers.”

Kenny grabbed his phone, “We have to talk to Tweek and Craig right now. We need to figure out how we’re handling this at school tomorrow.”

*

Kenny opened the school doors that day without his usual goofy demeanor. No, he walked through the school hallways with a barely concealed rage, just itching to be set free. He had gotten to school ten minutes earlier than he normally would, and made a beeline for the spot he knew his friends would be waiting for him.

Sure enough, he found Marjorine, Tweek, and Craig all standing in front of a certain person’s locker, varying looks of unease and displeasure on their faces.

Tweek’s eyes flitted around nervously, “Fuck, I’m, GAH, g-gonna be sick.”

Kenny observed Craig lace one of Tweek’s shaky hands with his own, and if not for the gloominess of the situation, he would’ve teased them about it. Instead, he tugged Marjorine close to him, and worriedly checked over her appearance.

“You’re sure you want to be here for this, Marj?” Kenny asked tentatively, “I don’t want this motherfucker to have the chance to say anything else about you.”

Marjorine smiled softly, and Kenny felt his defense crumble.

“I’m sure, Ken. I need to know why.”

Kenny squeezed her hand, sending a sympathetic look to Craig and Tweek, who both had pained looks in their eyes.

Kenny’s heart thumped in his chest in… anticipation? Nervousness? Rage? He felt the need to squirm out of his current position and run laps around the school to make the adrenaline die down. Marjorine’s soft hand kept him perfectly in place.

Suddenly, a group of people entered Kenny’s line of vision. Exactly who they were waiting for. Kenny’s pulse sped up.

Bump, ba-dump

The person who’s locker they all crowded around smiled at them in confusion.

Bump, ba-dump

“Uhh, you guys are here early? Why aren’t you in the lobby like normal?”

Bump, ba-dump

Craig’s frown tightened, “We know what you did. We know you made the list.”

The person gasped.

Bump, ba-dump

Tweek, Craig, Marjorine, and Kenny all stared at him.

They all stared at Clyde.

Chapter Text

All of the color drained from Clyde’s face.

His friend’s face.

Tweek felt his throat tighten as the look on Clyde’s face confirmed everything he needed to know. He didn’t know why, but for some reason his eyes were blurry, and his chest hurt. Why was he- Was he dying?? What was happen-?

A squeeze of his hand caused Tweek to look up at the boy next to him, Craig. Craig’s eyes were still stuck on Clyde’s figure, but Tweek could practically feel the boy telling him to calm down. Tweek squeezed back, twice.

Tolkien, who had been walking behind Clyde in blissful unawareness, stopped awkwardly when he noticed the stare-down between his friends.

“Uh,” Tolkien said slowly, “what’s happening?”

“What’s happening,” Kenny took a step forward, closer to Clyde, “is that Donovan here was just about to tell us why the hell he made that list.”

Tweek saw Marjorine’s eyes widen in panic at Kenny’s escalation, and the girl was gripping his arm in what seemed like an attempt to pull him backwards. Tolkien’s jaw dropped, and he stuttered out incomprehensible words.

“I-” Clyde looked frantically around at the people surrounding him, “I didn’t-”

“You did, Clyde.” Kenny said sharply, glaring.

Marjorine cleared her throat, “Clyde, we figured out what happened. We know that the shopping center sold their old storage unit to your dad’s shoe store. That’s how you got the coupons and the soap.”

Clyde was frozen.

“W-what in the scooby-d-doo fuck is guh-going on here?” Jimmy demanded, the joke falling empty amongst the teens.

Craig’s voice broke the tension swiftly, as flat as ever. But there still managed to be an icy edge to it.

“Clyde, you’re my best friend,” Craig stated, “so I’m going to give you the chance to explain what the fuck is going on.”

Tweek noticed that he had been so caught up in the confrontation that he had failed to see the crowds of curious students surrounding them. Hushed whispers floated all around him, and he trembled harder. C’mon, Clyde, Tweek’s brain insisted, tell us you had a good reason.

Tweek studied Clyde’s expression. The boy’s eyes were bouncing from person to person in front of him, and he appeared to be sweating at the realization of having been caught. He looked… ashamed, guilty. He was biting his lower lip, his eyes screaming remorse. Part of Tweek wanted to comfort Clyde. To tell him that it was okay, and that they weren’t mad, and to forget the whole thing.

But Tweek couldn’t do that.

He was mad. Or… was he? It was hard to tell, he couldn’t decipher exactly what emotions were running through his mind. Overall, he just felt fucking confused.

“I-it’s not what it looks like!” Clyde said quickly, “I mean, it, it kind of is, but it’s also…” The boy cut himself off abruptly, and Tweek wondered if he had been waiting for someone else to interrupt him and save him from the pressure of having to explain himself.

Clyde closed his eyes and sighed before continuing.

“I did make the list, yeah,” he whispered miserably, “but I didn’t write all that other stuff! I would never do that!”

“Then who did?” Kenny demanded.

“...Heidi.” Clyde revealed, “My dad hired Heidi to work at the shoe store last year. She had access to the storage closet that had the coupons and the soap. She wrote those terrible things about everyone. I didn’t know she was going to pull those pranks, I didn’t, I-”

“Clyde. Why was the list made in the first place?” Craig asked in a sharp voice.

The guilty boy hung his head, “...She had a crush on someone, and figured the list would help her get together with him. When she asked me to help her, I thought there would be no harm in it! Just a stupid, meaningless list in the name of love!”

Tweek spied the hurds of students for Heidi, but the girl was nowhere to be seen.

“I helped her set up the website the list would be posted on, and I helped her with the rankings.”

“And you decided to put Marjorine on the list?!” Kenny’s voice was full of rage.

“No!” Clyde cried desperately, “I had no idea that Heidi was going to put Marjorine on the list! She added her after I helped!”

“I swear, guys. I had no idea it would get so out of hand. When the list got released and there were descriptions and stuff, I was shocked. I tried to play it off, ‘cause I felt guilty about my part in it, but things just kept getting worse. Heidi started pulling those awful pranks on you guys, and when I confronted her about it, she said she’d tell you guys that it was all my idea if I tried to stop her.”

“Well, guess it's out now, then.”

Tweek stared in shock at the new figure who stepped out of the crowd to stand beside Clyde. It was Heidi. Her face was blank. Tweek wondered how she had gotten there without him noticing.

“Clyde’s telling the truth,” she shrugged, “I added Marjorine to the list and pulled those pranks without telling him beforehand, and then I blackmailed him about it.”

Her words were so calm and dismissive that it made Tweek’s stomach churn. Clyde nodded frantically, gesturing the word ‘see?!’ to his friends.

Uncomfortable with the fact that he had been silent this whole time, Tweek decided to speak up.

“W-why go through all of that, ACK, tro-trouble for some stupid crush?”

Heidi frowned angrily, “It’s not stupid!”

“I tried everything to get him to notice me. But nothing worked,” the girl sighed, “and then I remembered the list from elementary school. Seeing as it didn’t work out that great last time, I decided to change up my strategy. I told Clyde that I wanted to put the person who I liked last on the list. Who, before Marjorine was added, would have been-”

“Kenny.” Clyde confessed in shame.

Kenny gaped, looking back and forth between Heidi and Clyde in surprise.

“Kenny.” Heidi confirmed, “I figured that if Kenny was last on the list, no girls would want to go for him anymore because of his status. I would have my chance. But then I remembered one of the major problems in my pursuit of Ken,” she narrowed her eyes at Marjorine, “you.”

“Don’t call him that.” Marjorine hissed, body tensing at the usage of her nickname for Kenny coming out of Heidi’s mouth.

Heidi rolled her eyes, “I needed you out of the equation, because it was obvious that Kenny had a thing for you. So I added you to the bottom of the list to show Kenny that you were… undesirable.”

“What the fuck,” Kenny gawked, “that makes no goddamn sense. What the fuck.”

Kenny was staring at Heidi in disbelief, and distantly, Tweek heard the warning bell ring. Parts of the crowd dispersed to find their classes, but the majority stayed to watch the rest of the drama unfold. Tweek couldn’t take the stress of it all anymore.

“S-so, why put soap in Kenny’s fucking drink if you, if you like him so much?!” He shrieked.

Heidi stared at him like he was stupid, “Because, I needed to interrupt the little moment that he and Marjorine were having. Duh.”

Craig made a face, “What about all the other pranks? And the descriptions? What was the point of those?”

“Oh,” Heidi failed to hide her giggle, “that was just for fun. The descriptions added to the drama! And the pranks on Tweek and Marjorine were harmless.”

Tweek felt the grip on his hand tighten, and was shocked to find Craig’s face painted with such a clear expression of fury.

“Harmless??” Craig demanded, “That’s fucking psychotic!”

“W-well, she did d-da-date Cartman for a, for a while. An-Anyone who d-does that mus-mu-mus-, has to be f-fucked in the head, very much.” Jimmy quipped, earning a yelp of protest from somewhere in the audience.

Tweek scanned the crowd and eventually landed on the people he was looking for - Cartman, Kyle, and Stan. Heidi and Clyde were still talking, their words overlapping each other, but Tweek tuned them out. He made eye contact with Kyle.

You were right, he tried to say with his eyes, I’m sorry for freaking out on you.

Kyle seemed to get the message, because he sent a reassuring look Tweek’s way. A look that said, I’m just glad this is over with.

The real bell for first period rang, and Tweek winced at the sound of it. He let go of Craig’s hand, who looked at him in confusion over the loss, and turned to focus solely on Clyde’s quivering stature.

“Clyde, m-man,” Tweek sighed, “I really d-don’t give a fuck about any of th-this. L-let’s just go to class.”

Clyde’s face grew hopeful at the semi-forgiveness from his friend, and he stepped forward to join Tweek and Craig, but was stopped by Kenny stepping out in front of him. Tweek watched as Marjorine tried to pull Kenny back, but the boy stood firmly.

“No, Clyde. I want you to know, no matter what anyone else says,” Kenny gritted out, “you are a bad person.”

Tweek heard Marjorine gasp at the cruel words, but he himself stood frozen in the wake of them. He could tell Clyde’s heart had shattered at those words. Tweek swallowed harshly, looking away so that he wouldn’t have to see Clyde’s broken expression. The sound Kenny’s footsteps told Tweek that the boy was stalking off, and eventually they became too distant for Tweek to hear anymore.

Feeling eyes on him, Tweek turned to look at the source of the gaze - Craig. Clyde was- is- Craig’s best friend. And by the poorly concealed hurt on the boy’s face, Tweek could tell all of this new information wasn’t sitting right with him.

“Class, Tweek.” Craig urged, taking his hand again and pulling at it. He frowned when Tweek shook his head.

“N-no,” Tweek led Craig in the opposite direction, “we’re leaving.”

*

Tweek sat against Craig’s bed frame, mindlessly staring at his best friend, who was intently hooked on an episode of Red Racer from his laptop. The blonde boy fiddled with the sleeve of the hoodie that Craig had given him upon arrival- you never bring a jacket, Tweek, what the fuck -and reflected on the day.

He and Craig had quickly left the school in favor of returning to the Tuckers’ house, Tweek having to quietly explain to Mrs. Tucker what they were doing there as Craig booked it to his bedroom. When Tweek had reached Craig’s room, he saw his friend rummaging through his closet. He was handed the hoodie from Craig, and hovered nervously as Craig slumped down on his bed.

And then, Craig cried. They were hot, angry, frustrated tears. The kind that only multiplied the more you wished them away. Tweek had been incredibly alarmed by the situation, but sat down beside Craig in order to try and calm him down. He’d seen Craig cry before (multiple funerals for pet guinea pigs that happened to be named Stripe), but this was much harder to navigate.

They spent a good thirty minutes like that, Tweek rubbing Craig’s back as the black-haired boy vented all of his frustrated feelings out. After Craig had no more words left to say, Tweek grabbed the laptop from atop the boy’s desk and put on an episode of his favorite TV show in hopes that it would help ease him. It worked surprisingly well, and Tweek felt a twinge of amusement at how easily he was able to get Craig to relax.

He didn’t realize Craig had stopped watching the episode until he heard the laptop click shut, and shifted his attention to the boy in front of him. Craig was looking at him, a frown tugging at his lips.

“Wh-what?” Tweek asked nervously, “Is there something on my face?”

A small smile cracked Craig’s facade. The boy motioned to the left side of Tweek’s face, causing the blonde boy to frantically jump up and rush to a mirror so that he could get rid of whatever it was. But when Tweek studied his reflection, there was… nothing there?

Craig’s snickering in the background had Tweek slowly turning on his heels, narrowing his eyes at the boy.

“Oh, GAH, f-fuck you man,” Craig only laughed louder at Tweek’s words, “you-you’re a dick.”

Craig didn’t say anything in retaliation, but wore a gentle smile that almost knocked Tweek off of his feet.

“Wh-what? Is my reflection that, ACK, funny?” Tweek joked, walking in front of his friend and waiting for him to laugh. But no laughter came.

Tweek tilted his head in confusion before catching sight of the look in Craig’s eyes. It was something serious, something genuine. Craig, still sitting on the edge of his bed, reached out and grabbed one of Tweek’s hands, drawing a gasp out of the boy standing in front of him.

“No, your reflection isn’t funny.” He said definitively, “And what that list said about you was bullshit.”

Tweek felt his face flush, and he stuttered out his next words, “I- I don’t- I mean, it's just…”

He trailed off lamely when Craig squeezed his hand, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest due to the soft, sad smile on the other boy’s face.

“Baby, don’t let that list get to you. You’re perfect.”

The end of Craig’s sentence was quieter, more sheepish. But Tweek’s brain was still caught on the pet name, repeating it over and over again in his head like a mantra. He was sure his face was bright red by now, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to care. Craig seemed to catch onto how flustered he was, because his timid expression was replaced with a relieved grin.

Tweek yelped as Craig pulled him down by the hips to practically sit in the boy’s lap, and the black-haired boy snorted.

“Scared? Baby?” Tweek narrowed his eyes at the double-meaning behind the name, Craig’s eyes glinting with glee at his own clever play on words. He seemed to enjoy teasing him, but Tweek thought of a good way to shut him up.

“F-fuck you, man.” Was all Tweek said before closing the distance between them. He giggled against Craig’s lips, unable to contain the pure bliss he was feeling.

Apparently unsatisfied with the moment being interrupted by Tweek’s laughter, Craig grumbled something under his breath and pulled him back in, closer. Their lips slotted together, and Tweek’s mind felt hazy. All of the anxious, jittery thoughts that kept his mind spinning ceased to exist the moment Craig’s lips touched his. He only felt Craig.

When they parted, Tweek stared at Craig’s prideful grin, astounded by what had just happened.

“Be my boyfriend.” Craig said decisively, as if it weren’t a question at all. Tweek supposed it wasn’t.

“Okay. But you have to be mine, too.”

Craig’s eyes crinkled with amusement as he laughed, and Tweek couldn’t help but be entranced by the genuine smile on the other boy’s face - the one that only came out occasionally, but was so, so worth it.

“Pretty sure Tolkien owes Jimmy ten bucks now.”

“They were betting on us?!” Tweek shrieked, “And you knew?!”

“I was waiting for you,” Craig said softly, “I’ll always wait for you.”

Craig let out a surprised yelp as Tweek kissed him with so much fervor that it sent them flying backwards, Tweek collapsing on top of him as his back hit the rest of his bed.

Chapter Text

5 months later

“Good morning to the best of men. And Craig.”

Craig, heavily invested in the bowl of cheerios in front of him, simply raised his middle finger up in the direction of the voice - Karen’s voice.

Kenny grinned and ruffled his sister’s hair, ignoring her protests at the action. She had bed-head anyways, so he didn’t see why it mattered. Karen escaped his grasp, darting to the other side of the small kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Kenny noticed how Tweek’s gaze followed the girl as she filled the machine with water.

Kenny knew that it was still hard for Tweek. He hadn’t given up coffee completely, but had managed to wean himself down to only one cup per day. Karen and Kenny did their best to support Tweek in this, only using the coffee machine first thing in the morning so that the fidgety boy didn’t get overly tempted by the scent. Kenny supposed Craig also deserved some recognition for helping Tweek through his cleanse - the guy was practically at their apartment every day, Tweek wouldn’t be able to sneak another cup in even if he wanted to.

Their apartment. Kenny smiled. Honestly, he thought it had been a shot in the dark, a crazy idea that wouldn’t actually go through. But when he brought the idea up to Tweek and learned the extent of what the boy’s parents were putting him through, it barely took a month to sign the papers.

Of course, Tweek still worked at his parents’ shop. As much as Craig had tried to talk him into quitting, Tweek stood his ground. He still loved his parents, and while he was upset with them, he figured moving out was punishment enough - no need to up and quit his job as well. Kenny could understand it. He didn’t like it, but he could understand it.

Besides… they kind of needed the dual income.

Kenny had gotten a job. Ironically, it was at the town’s shopping center. A glowing recommendation from a certain someone’s little sister had managed to help him snag the job. It wasn’t amazing, and the pay itself wouldn’t keep them afloat if not for Tweek’s job - but it was stable. It was stable income, and that was all Kenny needed to be able to sleep easily at night.

He smiled at the view in front of him. It seemed like not so long ago, everything felt like it was falling apart. But now - across from him at the kitchen island, Craig sat eating a bowl of cereal alongside Tweek (his eyebags had improved by a tremendous amount), who was leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, yawning occasionally and blinking through bleary eyes. Karen was sipping a cup of coffee, her shoes already on so that she could be on her way to school as soon as she was finished with the drink.

Craig, in return for always being at their apartment and constantly hogging Tweek’s attention, had been put in charge of driving Karen to school every day. It worked out fine anyway, because he would pick Tricia up from his own house along the way, and drop both of the girls off together.

Karen dramatically slammed her mug down on the countertop, startling Tweek out of his sleepy state and almost causing him to fall out of his chair at the noise.

“I’m ready,” she announced, “let’s move it, old man.”

Craig narrowed his eyes, “I’m four years older than you.”

“And also your ride to school,” Kenny pointed out, “plus you’ve only been in the kitchen for like, five minutes, and you’ve already insulted Craig twice.”

Karen shrugged, “What’s he gonna do? Not take me to school? I’ll just lock him out next time he comes over to steal Tweek.”

“It’s not stealing. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Do you pay the rent here, Craig?”

“Do you?”

Tweek rolled his eyes, “Alright, alright. You guys need to leave so that you’re not late. You still need to p-pick Tricia up.”

The boy said the last part with a nervous tone, stuttering a bit at the idea of the girls being late to school. Kenny was proud of how much Tweek’s self-confidence had grown, as well as his control over his anxiety. The boy still struggled with both, and part of it was also simply his personality - Tweek was a caring person, and when you care, you worry. But Kenny was proud about how far the boy had come, especially after all of that shady shit with his parents - Kenny was sure he would’ve been traumatized for life. But Tweek always was the strong one, even if he didn’t see it at times.

Tweek smiled softly at Craig, squeezing the other’s hand as they stood from their spot. Craig dipped down slightly to place a kiss on Tweek’s cheek, and the blonde boy flushed. Karen made gagging noises in the background.

“God, I don’t know why we thought it was a good idea to make Karen and Tricia friends,” Craig pinched his forehead, “now I have to deal with two of them.”

Kenny snickered as Craig and Karen exited the apartment, his sister antagonizing the boy for the remark.

“Do you have class today?” Kenny asked. Tweek was taking classes at the small community college right outside of South Park. They were just his gen. eds for now, the blonde having said something about picking a major being too much pressure.

Tweek shook his head, “Not today. I w-was going to go over to Tolkien’s house and hang out with him, Jimmy, and Clyde. Do you want to, ACK, to come?”

Kenny debated the idea. He didn’t have any plans for the day besides waiting for Marjorine to get done with her own classes at the college she was attending.

He and Clyde had a… confusing relationship.

Kenny wasn’t proud of the fact that he had accused Clyde of being a bad person. He knew the boy wasn’t. He was just, uh, naive.

Dumb, to put it bluntly.

Once Kenny had calmed down after the whole showdown months back, he went through pretty intense lecturing from his girlfriend. Marjorine was adamant that they, with time of course, forgive Clyde. After hearing his side of the story, Kenny had to admit that Clyde hadn’t done anything out of malicious intent. It wasn’t really the boy’s fault that he was easily manipulated. Especially in the name of love - Clyde was a sucker for sappy, fairy-tale romances.

So, begrudgingly, Kenny had, in the words of Marjorine, “taken his head out of his ass”, and apologized to Clyde for his outburst. Clyde had been pretty cool about it - “You were defending your girlfriend, bro, I get it. Honestly, if you want to just punch me, I won’t stop you.” Kenny, however enticing, did not take him up on that offer. He truly had forgiven Clyde. It was just the heat of the moment, the feeling of betrayal, that had made him unable to stop and think about how Clyde hadn’t really done much wrong. Besides maybe keeping his part in the making of the list a secret - but Kenny could understand why he did it. He wasn’t saying Clyde was innocent by any means, but… he was a good guy that made a dumb mistake, how could Kenny hold it against him?

Now, Heidi on the other hand. That bitch was just crazy.

“Nah,” Kenny grinned, “I think I’m gonna go annoy the shit out of Stan and Kyle. Tell the guys I say hi, though.”

Tweek gave him a thumbs up and then scurried off to presumably get ready. Kenny took his phone out to text the group chat he had with his friends a quick, ‘get the fuck up i’m coming over’, then went to do the same.

*

Stan exhaled the smoke from his cigarette, “Wendy has been bugging me about talking to you into going on a double date sometime,”

“Oh really?” Kenny grinned, “And who would her date be?”

Stan shoved him.

“Dude,” Kyle frowned, “don’t refer to your girlfriend as ‘bugging you’. She’ll kick your ass.”

Stan shoved Kyle too.

Kenny inhaled smoke, observing his friends. Kyle’s famous green hat had been retired shortly after they had graduated. As far as Kenny knew, the red-head and the girl from the party hadn’t worked out, but Kyle was a lot more self-assured these days. Stan and Wendy were still going strong, but that wasn’t shocking news to Kenny. He could see them getting married someday.

“Stan, can I be the person that chucks rice at you after you get married?”

“Kenny, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Kenny’s giggling was interrupted by what sounded like a gasp of outrage. He turned his head to see a bright red coat across the street from them. The three of them were seated on Stan’s porch, using the Marsh parents’ absence as their opportunity to smoke freely without getting hassled.

“Oh fuck.” Kyle groaned, “Who told Cartman we were hanging out?”

Stan and Kenny looked at each other with wide eyes, both shrugging in confusion.

“AY! What the hell are you guys doing hanging out without me?!” Kyle snuffed his cigarette out quickly, Stand and Kenny following suit. They’d clean it up later when the coast was clear.

“Quickly, get the fuck inside!” Stan hissed, and Kenny cackled as the three of them rushed to get inside the Marshes' house.

“KAHL!” Cartman was crossing the street now, waving his hands in anger, “KINNY! STAN! I know you assholes can hear me!”

The door locked behind Kenny with a satisfying click.

*

When Kenny arrived back at his apartment, he was quickly tackled into a hug, the breath being nearly knocked out of his lungs.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

It wasn’t uncommon for Kenny to come home and find Marjorine already there. She had her own key to the place, and her classes often got out early.

The girl giggled, keeping her arms wrapped around Kenny’s shoulders.

“Hey, Ken! How’s your day been?”

“Pretty average,” he grinned toothily, “but better now that you’re here.”

Marjorine laughed happily at that, and Kenny walked them backwards until they reached the couch, the two of them falling into a heap together. Kenny could hardly believe how lucky he was at this point in his life. He had his own apartment, he didn’t have to worry about the safety of his sister or the twitchy blonde boy that was one of his best friends, and he had a smokin’ hot girlfriend who he fuckin’ loved the shit out of.

“What are you thinkin’ ‘bout, Ken?”

“About how stupid I was last year. And how lucky I am that you kissed me, since I would never have had the balls to do it.”

Marjorine giggled again, and Kenny couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face.

“I love you so fuckin’ much,” he promised, “you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. My beautiful, sweet, funny, amazing girlfriend.” With every compliment, he placed a kiss on her face somewhere - her nose, her forehead, her cheek... He loved the pink blush that would dust Marj’s nose when he did that.

“Well, you know who you really have to thank for all that?”

“Who?”

“Heidi.”

“...Marj, I’m going to have to ask you to leave my house.”

Kenny couldn’t help the laugh he let out when Marjorine whacked him with a pillow.