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It had all started when Peter ran into MJ on the street on his way back from work one afternoon. She had been walking towards him, hand in hand with her new boyfriend. She had spotted him, politely waving him over and introducing him to Mark , an accountant who more than likely didn’t moonlight as a crime-fighting vigilante.
He was happy for her, he really was. All things considered, he’d been a terrible boyfriend to MJ. He had dated her a couple of years after everything with Gwen had happened. He had felt like he’d finally got to a point in his grieving that he could put himself out there again, and MJ had been the first girl who was interested enough to look past Peter’s emotional baggage and decide that she’d stick around for a bit.
The Spidey secret had felt like a weight around his neck, dragging him further down everytime MJ asked him where he had been or questioned where he had gotten bruises or marks from. At first it had been easy, since his healing factor usually took care of those within a couple of hours but as they began to spend more time in each other’s apartments, it was rare that he’d have a couple of hours in between getting the injuries and next seeing MJ.
His superhero antics were eventually revealed after a particularly intense battle with Rhino. It turned out that broken ribs and a smashed up arm were a bit trickier to explain away than a couple of bruises. Even harder to explain was why he was refusing to go to the hospital, insisting that he only needed some sleep, a couple of days rest and he’d be fine again. So he’d had to be honest with her, telling her the truth about being Spider-Man and everything that came with it.
He had expected things to be fine after that, for the weight to be lifted. Yet it wasn’t. The weight continued to drag him down, it just looked a little different. Instead of the secret itself, tensions would fizzle over whether he was keeping himself safe enough, whether he was doing enough to avoid getting hurt. MJ would blow up his phone if he took too long to reply to a text whilst he was out patrolling as she sat at home worrying about him.
As for him, the guilt and trauma from losing both Gwen and Uncle Ben had never left him. He found himself constantly worrying about MJ and her safety in return, and it made him a little paranoid at times. Their relationship got more and more strained as the shared anxieties filtered down to the foundations of their relationship like the roots of a weed growing in the cracks of the city sidewalks.
They’d eventually called it quits. MJ had instigated the break up but Peter liked to think of it as mutual, she was just the one brave enough to start the conversation. That had been ten months ago. Peter had thrown himself back into his Spidey patrols and his work at the lab to help distract himself from being alone.
In those ten months, he’d also met Deadpool. Peter’s (well, Spider-Man’s) friendship with Deadpool was one of the unlikeliest things to come out of the last year. If you’d told him that he would befriend an ex-special forces mercenary with a kill list so long that it could probably fill a phonebook, he would have told you that you were out of your mind.
But yet that katana-wearing, Hello Kitty merch owning, Mexican food aficionado Wade Wilson had wormed his way into Spider-Man’s life and had refused to leave ever since. At first it had been weird, but as Deadpool continued to improve himself, Peter grew to like him more and more. Deadpool had proved a great distraction from his break up. The man was funny, for starters. He was smart and quick, able to keep up with Peter’s quips like no-one else ever had.
But whilst hanging out with Deadpool was fun, Peter was still beginning to feel lonely. He would collapse into his bed after a long patrol, missing the presence of another person to cuddle up to. On his rare days off, he would wake up wishing that there was someone in bed next to him to share his day with, to really share his life with.
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It only took a day after seeing MJ for Peter to get desperate enough to download Tinder. How else did people even meet each other these days? It was late at night, and he was curled under his covers watching the flame logo open in front of him. He spent about an hour trying to deliberate on photos alone, going back and forth over which ones he looked the best in, and which ones gave off the right vibe.
It turned out that writing the bio was even harder than choosing the photos. Peter nearly always had something to say when he was with someone in person, but there seemed to be something different, something much harder, about trying to put that into actual typed words.
Another forty five minutes later and he was set up, his swiping adventures ahead of him. He lay back against his pillow, taking his time to read each profile in front of him before he swiped left or right. He felt a thrill of validation whenever it popped up to inform him of a successful match, and he even had a couple of messages by the time he drifted off to sleep.
It became a nightly routine for Peter, to open Tinder whenever he climbed into bed at the end of the day. He’d swipe for a while before he went to sleep, addicted to the little dopamine rush whenever someone liked him back. The actual conversations were less of a success, his message section seemed to be a mix of unsolicited sexts and stilted attempts at getting to know each other that weren’t getting anywhere.
It was night four when he swiped no on Jessica, a snort escaping his nose as the next profile swept onto his screen. In front of him was a picture of a very familiar red and black kevlar suit, the name Deadpool written against the profile. Peter briefly wondered if the profile was fake before realising that it was probably real. After all, what would be the motive for someone using Deadpool to catfish someone?
Peter scrolled through the pictures eagerly. Each photo had Wade in the full Deadpool suit, mask and all. He supposed that made sense, Peter knew that Wade was heavily scarred and most likely wouldn’t want to advertise that fact on an app purely designed for people to make snap decisions based on what other people looked like.
He had never seen Wade’s full face, only from his chin to the bridge of his nose from where they would sit and eat food together after patrols, or even during patrol if it was a particularly quiet night. But from all of his throwaway comments and self-deprecating jokes, Peter had gathered that the rest of Wade’s body looked much the same. It didn’t bother him in the slightest, but he could see why Wade had stuck with his alias and the suit when he made his profile.
Even if you took the suit out of the equation, Wade’s photos were quite something. Peter scrolled through them again, an amused smile playing on his face at each one. There was the one of Deadpool riding a mechanical bull, one of him aiming finger guns at the camera, one of him on a fireman’s pole, one of him covered in puppies and the final one was him skydiving whilst flipping the camera off at the same time.
The bio section underneath the pictures seemed like words had just been vomited on a page. The subjects veered randomly as if Deadpool had just immediately typed whatever came into his head at that exact moment. It was chaotic and it was so perfectly Deadpool that Peter couldn’t help but smile. He could read the whole thing in Wade’s exact voice.
He hesitated for a moment before he swiped right, it was his friend after all and swiping left just felt mean. There was no immediate match notification, which Peter was surprised to find sent a wave of disappointment through him. He closed down the app for the night, rolling over to put his phone on charge. It was fine, Wade just probably hadn’t seen his profile yet. That was all.
As Peter lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, Deadpool’s Tinder profile continued to float back to his mind. He couldn’t help but think about the way Wade’s muscles flexed in the suit. He’d noticed that before whilst out on missions and patrols, it wasn’t an entirely new thought. He’d always shaken the thought away though, usually distracted by a bullet heading his way before he could delve further into why Wade looked so good in his suit.
Beyond that, Peter had never thought about Wade in any kind of romantic way. But now that he had been presented with that possibility, he couldn’t think of anything else. It was like a seed had been planted, a seed that was now spreading its roots through his mind and memories.
He remembered all of the times that Wade had looked after him, protecting him from danger and patching him back up whenever he was hurt. Wade was always there for him, no matter what he needed or when. Wade also made him laugh, and Peter constantly looked forward to spending time with him. In fact, he actively missed him whenever Wade didn’t show up for a patrol. Those instances were rare, and it was usually because he’d been blown up earlier in the day and was still regrowing a limb or two.
Crap, did he have a crush on Wade?!
Peter let the idea sit for a moment, mulling it over as he reconsidered all of the evidence pointing towards the fact that yes, he did in fact have a crush on Wade.
He let himself imagine what it would be like to date Wade. He imagined crashing into the same bed after a patrol, Wade holding him in those big arms of his. Wade seemed like the natural big spoon but Peter had a sneaking suspicion that Wade would be the one who wanted to be cuddled, and that Peter would be the one who would end up with his arms stretched around Wade as they slept.
He imagined them relaxing on the couch together on a Sunday evening, Wade’s precious Golden Girls playing on the television in the background as they lazily make out. He imagined that being with Wade would be easy, the two of them already fit together so well.
Peter also suspected that dating someone who already knew Spider-Man and knew what that life entailed would be a thousand times easier. There would be none of the hiding secrets, Wade already knew about Spider-Man, about what Spider-Man did and why he did it. The only difference from how things were now would be that Wade would also know about Peter, not just his alter-ego.
Plus, Wade could hold his own. That would go a long way to alleviating a lot of Peter’s worst fears. He would no longer dread a villain kidnapping his partner. If they were dumb enough to try and take Wade from him then good luck to them.
All in all, the idea of dating Wade was gaining more and more traction in Peter’s brain. It was a snowball that was rolling its way down a mountain, gaining more momentum as it went. Now that he’d realised that he liked Wade, all he had to do was figure out what to do about it. For now, he’d just have to hope that he woke up to a Tinder notification telling him about a new match.
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The next night was Taco Tuesday, which is how Peter found himself sitting next to Wade on a rooftop, his mouth full of delicious Mexican food. It was one of their usual hangout spots, they sat side by side with their takeout containers between them. Their legs dangled off the side of the building, the rest of New York City spread out in front of them.
Wade had already finished his food so he had taken to playing on his phone as he waited for Peter to finish eating. Unfortunately for Peter, Wade took the opportunity to open Tinder, swiping left and right through profiles much faster than Peter ever did. Wade barely took the time to look at the photos, let alone read the bios.
Peter just happened to glance over as Deadpool swiped left on a pretty blonde girl and immediately choked on his mouthful of taco as his own photo suddenly appeared on Wade’s screen. He watched in horror as Wade flicked through the photos before swiping left.
Ouch.
Before Peter could even think it through, he was opening his stupid mouth. Well once he had swallowed the rest of his taco, he opened his stupid mouth.
“Oof,” Peter commented. “Hard no on that guy, huh?”
Wade’s head snapped up, apparently unaware that Peter had been watching what he was doing.
“What guy?”
“That guy you just swiped left on! You didn’t even read his bio”
“Why do you care, Webs? Ooh did you want him?” Wade asked. Peter watched in horror as Wade tapped a button and un-did his swipe left, bringing Peter’s profile back. Peter didn’t even know you could do that.
“No,” Peter spluttered, probably sounding unconvincing for all the wrong reasons. “I just think you could have looked at his photos for more than two seconds. At least he doesn’t have a photo of himself on a mechanical bull like some redneck cowboy.”
Before he had even finished that sentence, Peter knew he’d said too much. The eye slits in Wade’s mask narrowed down, focusing in on Peter. When would he ever learn to stop talking?
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Wade’s voice was laced with curiosity. “Webs, have you seen my Tinder profile? Oh my god, Spider-Man is on Tinder. Wait, wait… time out! You saw my profile? That means you have the ‘men seeking men’ box ticked, you’re into men?! God, I'm learning so much. WAIT-” Wade cut himself off from his rambling with another yell. “If you’ve seen my profile, that means I might have seen yours. I might have seen your actual face without realising it!! I wouldn’t have even known I was looking at my #1 baby boy,”
Peter snorted, unable to help himself given the fact that his picture was still staring at him from Wade’s phone. He purposefully kept his eyes away from the screen, not wanting to give anything away by being weird about it.
“Did we match?” Wade asks, quickly tapping on his matches and scrolling through as if he’d be able to identify Spider-Man’s civilian identity just from a Tinder picture. From what Peter could see, he only had a small handful of matches anyway. He felt a little protective about that, Wade deserved more positive attention. Though Peter could understand why your standard civilian probably wouldn’t be rushing to swipe right on a man who didn’t show his face, dressed head to toe in red and black spandex and had katanas strapped to his back in the majority of his photos.
“No we didn’t match,” Peter answered, feeling a little bitter about it. “I’m starting to suspect you swiped left on me after watching you just then,” He gestured towards Wade’s phone, pretending like he hadn’t just seen Wade swipe left on him.
“That’s not faiiiiiir,” Wade whined, his lips forming a full-on pout. “I didn’t know you were on here! I would have liked every damn person on this app if I knew there was a chance one of them would be you,”
“Well why didn’t you swipe right on him?” Peter asked, his curiosity getting the better of him as he pointed back at Wade’s phone.
“This guy? Peter?” Wade asked, and Peter tried to ignore the thrill that shot through him at the sound of his real name coming from Wade’s mouth. He had been friends with Wade for what felt like forever, but he’d never figured out quite how to tell him about Peter Parker.
“Yeah,” Peter nodded, trying to keep his comments to a minimum.
“Well that’s easy, he’s out of my league,” Wade answered his question as if he was explaining something to a kindergartner. Peter certainly hadn’t been expecting that to be the answer, he had been worrying about Wade just not being into him, or his profile being bad. “He’s so far out of my league, I’m not sure we’re even playing the same sport.”
“What? You’re kidding?”
“Not about this,” Wade shook his head. “My swipe:match ratio is terrible anyway, usually only seriously fucked up with people with weird kinks want to get with this,” He gestured at the suit he was wearing. “I’m not going to start shooting too high, I don’t want to be the Icarus of Tinder. Just gotta be realistic and realise that only ugly mugs are going to want to get with this ugly mug,”
“Don’t sell yourself short, man,” Peter offered back. He was struggling with what to say, of how to convey to Wade just how wrong he was about himself. In Peter’s opinion, anyone would be lucky to be with Wade.
“Thanks Webs but come on, look at this guy,” Wade was gesturing to his phone again. “There’s no way that nice old, hot as hell, boy-next-door Peter wants a piece of this action. Look, I’ll prove it to you-” Wade continued, and Peter watched as Wade swiped right.
The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.
As Peter knew was going to happen, the “It’s a Match!” screen popped up. He saw Wade’s eyes widen in surprise.
What Peter didn’t know was going to happen, was that his phone was going to ping loudly in his pocket with what must be the Tinder notification noise. It wasn’t like he had heard it before, his phone lived on silent.
Why wasn’t his phone on silent?! Oh right, the Instagram cat video he’d been trying to watch earlier where the sound wasn’t working properly. He must have forgotten to flip it back to silent before he left his apartment.
Wade’s head snapped around at the noise, his eyes narrowing in on Peter for the second time in only a matter of minutes. Peter really had lost control of this situation. He should have just kept his mouth shut when he saw his photo on Wade’s phone, let Wade swipe left and then nothing would have changed.
“No… no fucking way,” Wade was muttering to himself. He typed a few words into his phone before pressing a button, and Peter’s phone dinged again with the Tinder noise. And then again. And then again. He knew he was busted.
Peter could feel his cheeks burning red as Wade stared at him, and he was glad that his mask was covering everything from the nose up, only his mouth exposed from their earlier taco eating. He wanted to die, he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
Wade didn’t say anything else, he just stared and stared at Peter. Then he stared at his phone and then back at Peter. A speechless Wade was a first in their relationship, and Peter wasn’t sure he liked it very much.
“Are you fucking with me right now?” Wade finally broke his silence.
“What? No, of course not!”
“Okay cool cool cool, must be a dream then,” Wade laughed.
“You’re not dreaming, Wade,” Peter leaned over and pinched Wade’s arm, just to prove a point.
“I must be, Webs. You see shit like this doesn’t happen to douchebags like me,” He shrugged nonchalantly. “A guy as hot as Peter wouldn’t swipe right on me, Spider-Man wouldn’t swipe right on me, then it turns out that Spider-Man is Peter. Like c’mon, that’s dreamworthy stuff,”
Peter blushed, hoping that it didn’t stretch too far past the end of his mask. Wade was busy flicking through his Tinder pictures again, apparently examining every inch of Peter’s profile given the new information he had.
“Why did you swipe right on me?” Wade’s voice was sounding more serious. Peter would have been tempted to laugh it off with a joke but he’d heard all of Wade’s insecurities earlier and he would be damned if he made any of them worse.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you like someone?” Peter shrugged. “You know, swipe left to say no and then right if you’re into them. It’s a pretty simple concept,” Okay so there was some amusement in his tone, he was Peter Parker after all.
“And you’re into me?” Wade repeated, sounding incredulous. “This wasn’t a pity swipe or a friendly ‘ha ha look it’s Deadpool’ swipe? You weren’t planning some practical joke as Peter?”
Peter’s insides swooped a little as Wade used his name again.
“No, no practical jokes,” Peter shook his head. He wasn’t always the best at having these conversations, at conveying his feelings, but he was going to try and be honest with Wade. “I saw your profile come up and I’d never really thought about you like that. I’d already noticed you were hot,”
Peter saw Wade practically wilt at the compliment out of the corner of his eye. He stared ahead at the city, needing to get it all out before he got distracted. “... but I never really considered our relationship beyond that because you’ve been such a good friend to me. But then your profile popped up and it planted this seed in my head, of what if we were more than friends? The idea seemed pretty cool so I swiped right,”
“It would be pretty cool,” Wade echoed. “You know Spidey’s been my crush since forever,”
“Yes, I know,” Peter laughed. “You mention it at least once every patrol. I guess a part of me was curious to see if you would be as interested in Peter as you are in Spider-Man. Then you swiped left, and that part of me was just embarrassed and disappointed that plain boring Peter wasn’t enough.”
“Plain? Boring? You’re a fucking superhero, there’s nothing plain or boring about that,”
“That’s Spider-Man,” Peter rolled his eyes, not that Wade would be able to see through the mask. “Peter’s just a basic nerdy kid from Queens who no-one gives a second look,”
“Well as I told you earlier, I only swiped left because I thought you were out of my league. I mean you look like that,” Wade gestured at the pictures of Peter from his profile. “You’re hot as hell, baby boy. At least you are if this really is you and you haven’t stolen someone else’s pictures,”
“I’m not a catfish, no need to call Nev,” Peter joked. He reached up to grasp the edges of his mask. Wade had already seen his face and knew his name, taking his mask off now wouldn’t reveal anything that Wade didn’t already know. His fingers gripped the fabric and Peter took a deep breath before pulling the mask from his face.
“God damn,” Wade breathed, and Peter felt his insides melt a little. “You’re even hotter in person. These pictures do not do you justice,” Wade added, sliding his phone into a pocket of his suit. Apparently he had no need for pictures of Peter when he had the real thing right in front of him. “Maybe it’s the suit, a Spider-Man suit has got to make anyone look hotter, especially if it’s the real one,”
Peter smiled at Wade, his fingers fiddling with the mask in his hands to keep himself distracted. He could see Wade continuing to check him out, the white eyes of the mask roaming all over Peter hungrily. It was the first time that Peter had felt wanted in a while, and he found that he liked it. He could only imagine what Wade’s eyes really looked like underneath.
“So,” Peter started, feeling a little emboldened now that he was confident that the attraction between them ran both ways. “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”
“Uh yes, a thousand times yes,” Wade eagerly nodded. “That’s like asking Vin Diesel if he wants to make another Fast and the Furious movie.”
“Can we go as Peter and Wade though?” Peter asked hopefully. “If you don’t feel comfortable taking your mask off yet then I understand but I’d like to spend some time with you as just Wade.”
“Are you sure?” Wade asked, and Peter could hear the nerves in his voice. “There’s a whole lot of Freddy Kruger’s butthole going on under this thing,”
“Yes I’m sure,” Peter answered without hesitation. “Besides, I don’t think Carbone would appreciate you showing up to a reservation dressed like that. I’m not sure Bea and Arthur would meet their dress code.”
“How weaponist of them,” Wade scoffed playfully before he went quiet for a moment. “Okay, well I guess you took yours off…” He started, reaching for the corners of his mask.
Peter shot out a hand to grab Wade’s wrist. “Only if you’re ready, this isn’t a ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ situation.”
“No, I want to,” Wade gently reached his hand over Peter’s to pull it away from his wrist. “I’m a big boy and I’m very serious about wanting to date you, so losing the mask and the suit is going to come sooner or later.”
Peter gave Wade’s arm a brief squeeze before he pulled his hand back, shoving it in his lap before he did something dumb like reach out and squeeze Wade’s thigh next.
It was a couple of seconds later that the Deadpool mask was gone, and Peter found himself face to face with Wade Wilson. Peter’s eyes skimmed over Wade’s face, taking in the red scars and marks that he already knew would be there. They looked painful, and he wished that he could do something about them.
Beyond that, his only thought was that his crush was growing by the second. Wade had warm brown eyes that Peter reckoned he could get lost in. At least, he would if Wade would look at him properly. As it was, Wade was staring out at the city, clearly trying to brace himself for Peter’s reaction. Peter suspected he was also bracing himself for rejection from the way his lips were nervously twisted together, nothing like the confident smirk he usually wore whilst teasing Peter during their hangouts.
“It’s fine, Webs,” Wade started, glancing quickly at Peter before returning his gaze to the cityscape ahead of them. “You asking me to dinner wasn’t a binding agreement, you can still back out now, I won’t hold it against you.”
“What are you talking about?” Peter scoffed. “I still want to go out for dinner with you. Besides, I have some idea of what you can hold against me instead.” He added, cringing a little at the line but it was worth it when Wade’s face finally snapped back around to look at him properly.
Peter could see him appraising the situation, analysing every inch of Peter’s face to assess for any bullshit, trying to see if Peter was telling the truth.
“What?” was all Wade could come up with in response.
“I still want to go out for dinner with you,” Peter repeated, though he was sure that Wade had heard him the first time. “You’re hot, I’m attracted to you, you’re gorgeous, I want to date you. Am I making myself cle-”
He was cut off from speaking by a pair of lips on his, Wade having launched himself across the gap between them. There were some clattering noises as the takeout cartons between them were knocked to the floor. At least they’d fallen onto the roof side and not onto the head of some poor unsuspecting passer-by on the street below.
“Wade,” Peter gasped involuntarily, the man’s kisses were setting his nerves on fire. It had been so long since he kissed anyone, and he couldn’t even remember if anyone else’s kisses had ever made him feel so alive. It made him even more excited to see where this thing between them went, and validated his decision not to leave Wade as just his friend.
“Sorry Petey,” Wade whispered when they broke apart a few moments later. Peter’s insides immediately softened at the nickname. He’d grown used to Webs and the multitude of other spider puns and gags that Wade threw at him, but it was the first one which was a play on his actual name. “Are you more of a kiss on a second date when you’ve been wined and dined kind of guy?”
Peter thought for a moment before shaking his head. “Maybe I am normally, but screw that, I don’t want to wait,” He wrapped his arms around Wade’s neck, pulling him back in so that he could kiss him again. “Besides, I think you’re an exception. You’re special, Wade,” He mumbled against Wade’s lips, revelling in the whimper that seemed to escape Wade’s throat.
🕷
It only took another day, and a very successful first date for Peter to delete Tinder off his phone. It was in a blissed out, post-orgasmic haze that he reached for his phone whilst Wade slept next to him. He just had a feeling that he wasn’t going to need to swipe again for a very very long time. The teeniest, tiniest, most optimistic part of him was even starting to feel like his swiping days were behind him for good, even if it had just been one single date. Wade had already rocked his world off its axis, and Peter was ready for more.