Chapter Text
Perhaps the first hint Jamie should have picked up was Colin knowing what Gindr was last year (he had picked it up, and it sat, wriggling at the back of his brain, the maybes of it all). And then everyone just ignoring it and moving on. But he’d had plenty else to focus on those days. It certainly hadn’t been time to stir the pot.
Or perhaps there had been other clues before then. But Jamie always had terrible – what was it? – gaydar. Never had a chance to develop it he supposed. It would have been nice to have. Just be able to explore that part of himself a bit.
So, it really shocked him, how once he started noticing, just how many gay people there were at Richmond.
1.
He shouldn’t have been looking over Will’s shoulder. That was the point right? Respecting privacy? The painting comment had struck him though. He’d assumed that their beloved and clumsy kit man was as innocent as he looked.
There was nothing innocent about the photos Will was deleting now. And it would be hard to argue they were painting references.
Jamie hadn’t seen that much of Will before either. But he looked well fit (and well fucked) between the two other people in the frame. The petite blonde woman looked very comfortable sprawled across Will’s chest, but more unexpected had been the way Will was leaning in the embrace of the man; all clearly enjoying the afterglow. Well done him.
Jamie wouldn’t mind being in that position either.
Will looked alarmed when Jamie met his gaze, but there was no way Jamie was going to say anything now. Trying to convey his full support, Jamie just gave him a nod and turned to follow Sam. He hoped Will was getting laid like that on the regular, even better than the pictures. Everyone should.
-
When Will caught up with him later, he said as much. Show of solidarity and all that.
“You’re not going to tell everyone are you? About me being bi?” Will looked defiantly nervous, ready for a fight.
“Nah. You do you.”
“Cool.”
And that seemed to be it. Jamie was glad Will dropped it. Wasn’t like he could explain why he was okay with it. But allies were a thing, yeah? Keeley had pointed that out several times. He could be an ally. That was safe enough.
2.
It shouldn’t have happened like that.
Colin was so much braver than him, coming out to defend a teammate. Especially given the cold shoulder Isaac had been giving Colin recently.
But all that was secondary thoughts.
-
Jamie’s brain spun. Had he done enough? Who really guessed? His mental spiral of the last few years reasserted itself. Make it a joke, stay hidden, stay safe.
He’d learned early not to deny outright, that just got people more suspicious. Better to make them laugh and move on.
It had worked so far. He’d dodged speculation from the academy to Man City to the first stint at Richmond. But he had gotten comfortable. Let his teammates and coaches actually know the real him. Safe was out the window. Hopefully the joke had been enough. Thank fuck for Ted too. Confusing everyone with that weird story about– something. Jamie still didn’t really get it.
Everyone seemed fine with Colin.
That was good. He liked Colin, and certainly didn’t want any of the really bad shit to land on him.
It still might though. And Jamie would do anything not to be forced out that way.
-
The second half went brilliantly. Colin’s new enthusiasm was infectious.
Draping himself over Colin as they left the field in victory, Jamie let himself think, just maybe, it could be like this.
The shine dimmed for a moment as they left the dressing room celebration in staggered groups to wash off the sweat (and no little amount of beer).
Several lads who had been about to head that way suddenly dragged their feet when Colin went to the showers. Maybe he couldn’t be another out guy, but Jamie could be a good fucking ally.
He glared at the cowards, grabbing his shower things and following Colin in.
He was pleased to see Jan looked completely indifferent, lazily scrubbing himself and doing his usual contortions to get his hair completely wet under the too-short shower head. Colin’s acknowledging nod was wary, which Jamie was determined to fix.
He slapped Colin’s shoulder as he had many times. “Seriously man, you were fucking amazing out there. Where are we headed to celebrate?”
The small smile and relieved sigh told Jamie he had made the right call, stepping into the neighbouring shower.
“There’s been a lot today, not sure I’m up for much. Maybe save the celebration for tomorrow?”
Jamie grinned at him, nodding at the other players sheepishly wandering in finally. “Not sure the rest of this lot will skip the party tonight, but what do you say we hit the town tomorrow? Even if it’s just us?”
He cursed internally at how the last part came out, but fortunately, it seemed Colin’s mind was elsewhere.
“Yeah, sounds good. Thanks boyo.”
Jamie let the general shower chatter wash over him as he went through his routine. It had been an emotionally exhausting day, and he was glad of the familiar moment.
-
Coach Beard caught his eye when he and Colin left the showers.
His standard piercing stare gave Jamie the shivers sometimes. Today, Beard only held his gaze for a second before offering an approving nod with a head tilt in Colin’s direction.
How the fuck did the man manage to say that fucking much without speaking?
At least Jamie wasn’t the only one who had noticed the other lads being knobs about the showers. Colin had been brave enough to tell. Jamie couldn’t, but he could be a model ally for the rest, yeah?
3.
Jamie didn’t mean to walk in on anyone else coming out. He certainly didn’t expect to.
Jan said 10% of the people were gay. They already had two – well, three if he counted himself however reluctantly. That was their quota, right? Or did he and Will count for only half each? He wanted to ask Keeley, but that would mean telling her. Not an option.
He promptly forgot why he had been looking for Roy when he walked into the manager’s office.
Someone had clearly caught Roy up on everything that went down the previous day because he was being as growly as he could be, threatening a bewildered looking Trent.
“—so if you add anything about him to your fucking book, so help me I will tear—"
“Nonononono. Roy. Really, you needn’t worry.” Trent held up placating hands, looking calmer than he had at the beginning of Roy’s rant. He set his glasses down, continuing, “I would never out Colin – or anyone – without their permission.”
Oh. That’s what this was about.
“Roy, I know you still don’t trust me, but when have I ever written about queer players? Even speculation?”
Roy growled, begrudgingly indicating for Trent to go on.
“I may have written some scathing pieces over the years, but that is one line I will not cross,” he looked a little haggard before adding, “I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me.”
“Do what—Oh.”
Both heads turned to look at Jamie then, surprised by his words.
“Er—sorry. I were just looking for Roy…” Jamie trailed off, not sure how to get himself out of this verbal pickle.
Sighing, Trent rubbed the crease between his eyes before continuing, “Yes, I’m gay. And I already knew about Colin. I can assure you that it’s not going in the book. Does that cover it for you then?” He addressed the last pointedly as Roy, who looked indignant at having his morning threats interrupted.
“Yeah. Fine.” He turned to Jamie, “What do you want Tartt?”
Ignoring him in favour of a much more exciting topic, Jamie quizzed Trent, “Does Colin know about you? Oh! Do you have a gay club going? Do you know who – if anyone – else is gay here? I mean, besides Keeley. But does she count? Proper like? I mean, she did have a girlfriend—”
“Enough!” Roy cut him off, “Let’s go Tartt. You can run laps until the others get here if you can’t shut it.”
Grabbing Jamie’s shoulder, Roy steered him away from an amused looking Trent, who smiled as he sipped from his colourful mug.
Jamie briefly wondered whether he should be worried about that, but he hadn’t really said anything. No way for Trent to guess about him, right?
4.
In the next couple weeks Jamie tried to keep an eye out, make sure the other lads weren’t being weird about Colin still. Strictly speaking, it wasn’t his job; he wasn’t captain and didn’t need to police the team’s behaviour. But trying to be a better teammate, yeah?
At least Isaac and Colin were back to being mates. No more silent treatment – which had been giving Jamie stomach knots from a distance.
And happy Colin? So much fucking fun to play with.
Euphoric from a stellar training day, they all bounded through the dressing room, calling out taunts and flattery alike.
Jamie’s enthusiasm carried over, leaving him buzzing with happy jitters as he poked his head into the manager’s office.
“We going, Roy?”
Roy looked up from his conversation with Beard, “Yeah, give me a minute.” He nodded at the other coach before stepping out of the room, their conversation apparently unimportant to finish now.
Leaning back in his chair, Beard watched Jamie until started shuffling his feet in awkwardness.
It nearly spooked Jamie out of his skin when Beard spoke, “glad to see you’ve kept an eye out for Colin.”
Clearing his throat, Jamie stuttered out, “Yeah, well, we’re a team, right?”
Unreadable as ever, Beard kept Jamie skewered in place with his gaze.
“You know, Ted used to look out for me like that when we played in college. After some of our teammates found out I danced at Man City.”
“You did some sort of performance for Man City? Thought the gaffer’d never been here before?” Jamie was completely lost about where this was going.
“No, Man City was the name of the gay strip club I worked at.
Unmoved by Jamie’s stare, he continued, “The guys got weird about me for a while, but it faded. Mostly because Ted made it abundantly clear I was still the same teammate, no matter who I danced for. Or slept with. Made the point we were all still ball players.”
The added inflection at the end of his speech made Jamie certain there was something he was missing, but he tried to rally, “Yeah, Colin’s still our teammate, same as ever. Definitely need to make sure no one treats him different.”
Jamie glanced frantically towards where Roy had gone, feeling like he needed out of this conversation.
“Amazing that so little progress has been made welcoming queer players into sports.”
Trent’s addition made Jamie jump. He hadn’t heard him join them.
Trent toasted him with his colourful mug. “But it does see that attitudes are beginning to change, at least in the dressing rooms. I’m glad for all you young players that this is so welcoming a space.”
Jamie’s eyes darted back and forth between the two older men. There seemed to be some conversation going on for them that he wasn’t understanding.
“Oi, Tartt!” Roy’s voice startled him again. His situational awareness was shit right now. Jamie looked up to see Roy, dressed for the pub in his standard black on black. As ever, he suppressed the itch to tangle his hands in that leather jacket and pull Roy closer.
The brusque, “Let’s go”, got his mind moving again.
As they left the offices, Jamie faintly heard Trent, “Do you think he got it?”
He turned his head to catch Coach Beard shrugging before going back to his book. Those two were weird. But nice that there were other people who would look out for Colin. And Will, if he decided to tell the others.
5.
The atmosphere at the club in the last few days before the break was intense. Last year with the promotion back to the premier league had been buzzing, but joining the champions league on their try had the very walls vibrating with the excitement from everyone.
Jamie wandered through it all basking in the energy.
Occasionally the celebrations and preparations would run into a void where Ted used to be, but everyone forged cheerfully on, and the talk would turn to speculation of who the new manager would be.
-
To everyone’s surprise, Beard had shown back up the day after he was supposed to have left with Ted, acting as if nothing had changed.
When Jamie had come into the dressing room after a workout one morning, he’d been sitting at his desk, with a book as usual. Catching Will’s eye, Jamie jerked his head questioningly in the coach’s direction, only to get a baffled shrug in response.
They were both around to witness Roy arriving and giving nothing more than an accepting grunt at the discovery of Beard in the office.
-
Later, when lockers were being cleared out so repairs could happen, talk moved away from manager speculations and on to break plans. Inevitably, who people were sharing their holidays with came to the fore of the chatter.
Jamie was distracted from his own worries about Keeley and Brazil now by Dixon’s latest relationship woes.
“No, I had to break up with her. She always complained about going down on me.” A chorus of agreement came from the usual suspects who rotated through girlfriends regularly.
Jamie caught Colin's eye across the room, raising an eyebrow and getting an exasperated head shake in return.
Trent, hovering in the corner as usual, wore a similar expression but focused pointedly on Jamie when he caught him looking. All Jamie could do was hold his hands up defensively, not sure if the look was expecting him to join in the complaints or stand up for cocksuckers everywhere.
If he had even remotely been considering the latter, he would have been beat to it.
“Oi! You lot. More respect. Sucking dick is hard, especially if the person receiving is being a prick about it. Mind your fucking manners.”
Silence reigned as every head in the room turned to Roy, glowering fiercely with his arms crossed.
With his legs slightly spread, he looked ready to prove it to anyone idiot enough to argue. The idiot side of Jamie’s brain suggested arguing just to have the opportunity to try.
Their stupid fight over Keeley had led to all kinds of other thoughts about what Roy could do with Jamie pressed against the wall—and nope. Not letting his brain go there. He hadn’t realized how much less Roy had been glaring in his presence of late, but now he was confronted with the intense stare from his teenage posters implying there was a chance Jamie could fuck him. Or perhaps not Jamie, because that surely would have happened by now if—No, wait, Roy didn’t know and wouldn’t have come out to Jamie and—
“Coach?” Dani’s questioning tone cut through the spinning of Jamie’s brain, only to hang in the air with no clarification in sight. It battled with Roy’s glare until the latter gave up in exasperation.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You act like no one’s ever announce to the room they like men before.” Roy smirked and nodded at Colin, who possibly had the most jaw-dropped expression of all.
“Now grab your shit and get out of here. The contractors have work to do. And be fucking polite to anyone willing to suck your dick while you’re on break.”
With that, he stalked out of the room, leaving chaos in his wake.
As the chatter started up again, Jamie didn’t realise he had still been frozen in shock until Trent sidled up to him.
“You know, you could go talk to him.”
“Wha—Why would I—”
Trent’s look silenced him. The older man had a very particular way of peering at you over his glasses that made you think he could look right through you.
Ducking his head, Jamie pretended to be very occupied with packing his stuff while he muttered, “Maybe.”
“Hmm.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Jamie watched Trent wander away, ending up engaged in a very animated talk with Colin as they left the room together.
Shoving the remainder of his things haphazardly in a bag, Jamie ducked out of the room in the same direction Roy had gone.
It took several tries, but Jamie eventually found Roy in the boot room, discussing – something, his brain was buzzing a bit too much to pay attention – with Will as the latter packed up extra gear.
“Uh, coach?” His hands played nervously with his short hem.
“Yeah? What do you want Tartt?” Roy broke off his conversation with Will, who looked torn between escaping and settling in with some popcorn.
Jamie tried to school his voice into careful neutral tones, “Do you want to get a beer later?”
Roy gave him a long look that had Jamie ready to dash back out. “Sure.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, you fucking muppet. But the bar probably won’t let us back. Meet me at mine.”
Jamie frowned in confusion, “There’s other bars…”
“Meet me at mine,” Roy repeated, following it up with a shocking, “I’ll cook. Seven sharp. If you’re late you’re running ten kilometres.”
“But it’s break!” Jamie protested.
“Then don’t be late.”
With that Roy headed out, yet again leaving confusion in his wake.
“What was that?”
Jamie finally remembered they hadn’t been alone in the room.
He ignored Will’s question, instead trying to process the last 20 minutes. “Apparently Coach likes men too.”
“Wait, did you just ask him on a date?”
“No!” Jamie scoffed at Will, who looked excited and not buying it.
“Did he just ask you on a date?”
Thinking it through carefully, Jamie offered a hesitant, “Maybe?”
Will was nearly vibrating. “Oh my god, this is awesome—Wait. Are you queer too?”
The fearful ice of discovery shot down Jamie’s spine. “What?! Fuck that. No. No.”
“Then why did you just agree to go on a maybe date with Roy Kent?”
“We’re friends!” Jamie’s voice came out a little higher than he intended. He cleared his throat, continuing, “Yeah, friends.”
Will’s raised brows suggested his protests weren’t enough.
“Don’t you dare fucking tell anyone about this William!”
The amused expression on Will’s face haunted Jamie as he scrambled out of the room.