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Jason was fascinating to watch from the sidelines.
Nico had tried to take notes from the very first time he saw Jason, how he stood with his head held high, his voice clear and strong as he commanded his army - even if that army was just one half of the camp during a game of capture the flag. Despite having none of the natural skill afforded to those in the Ares or Athena cabins, Jason always seemed to have a plan, or at least knew how to delegate at the right time, to the right person. Nico suspected some of Jason’s leading prowess came from his godly mother, though merciful wasn’t something often used to describe history’s greatest leaders.
The notes hadn’t mattered. The last time Nico had shown his face at one of those games, he’d been given the leading role right away based on his Big Three status alone, and he’d fumbled the game astronomically. He had too much to prove - to himself, to the rest of camp, to his father - and how could he expect anyone to follow him, to do as he said, when he couldn’t even succeed on his own?
A thunderstorm had rolled through camp shortly after the end of the game, darkening the sky all across camp and sending every demigod in search of shelter. It had always been hard for Nico to keep his feelings in check, especially when they came with such physical manifestations that only made everything so much worse - because how could he hide when the whole camp could see the flashes of lighting from their windows, in a place that was always supposed to have near perfect weather?
The storm rolled on for a few days, and Nico didn’t bother to leave Cabin One for much more than meal times. The few friends he had - the ones that weren’t afraid he was going to literally blast their heads off, or weren’t intimidated by his worthless title of Prince of the Gods - had tried checking in on him a few times, to cheer him up or attempt to distract him, though none of it helped. It felt obvious to him that Annabeth and her siblings in the Demeter cabin wanted the sun to come back out, and that Percy wanted his chance at a rematch against the Apollo cabin on the volleyball courts. Just as he could be used as a superpowered weapon for the gods, he could be twisted and pulled and shaped into whatever camp needed from him, and it only served to sour his mood even more.
Jason was maybe the only exception.
He’d let himself into the cabin - something everyone else (even Nico, sometimes) was too afraid to do without warning - and laid himself across the floor beside Nico’s mattress, on the other side of the privacy curtain that Nico had put up once he’d started staying at camp full time. It was more used to shield him from the piercing eyes of the Zeus statue in the middle of the room, and had less to do with anyone else who might find their way into his cabin, but Jason respected the boundary between them, anyway.
Mostly. When Nico didn’t immediately react to his near-silent presence, Jason stuck one hand underneath the edge of the curtain, patting the ground that he couldn’t see until his fingers hit the edge of the mattress - not unlike a cat who stuck their paw underneath a closed door. Nico couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter at the sight, and decided to humor Jason by grabbing his hand with one of his own, then brushing the curtain aside with the other.
“What are you doing?” Nico asked as he came face to face with Jason, who was lying on his stomach on the hard floor, the gold frame of his glasses cutting into the bridge of his nose. He smiled brightly when his eyes met Nico’s.
“Just came to see if you were done moping,” Jason told him, giving Nico’s hand a squeeze. “It seemed like the rain had let up a little bit, but--” Thunder rumbled outside of the cabin. “I see we’re still in full mope.”
Nico shoved his hand away, and lightning flashed briefly through the window.
“C’mon, Neeks,” Jason said, scooting himself closer. “Aren’t you all cried out yet?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m not crying - especially not over a stupid game. The storm outside is just my father’s disappointment raining down on all of us.”
“Oh, Nico,” Jason murmured, and if the constant patter of rain on the cabin roof didn’t sound like disappointment, then the sigh that followed Jason’s words did. He moved closer again, this time looping an arm around Nico’s midsection and pulling him into his chest.
Nico tried shoving at him, but Jason’s hold was too strong.
“Shh,” Jason said, smoothing his hand up and down Nico’s back. “Just let me smother you until you feel better.”
“What happened to being merciful?” Nico demanded, his voice muffled by the fabric of Jason’s t-shirt. He finally managed to squirm enough that he could turn his head, granting himself air while pressing his ear against Jason’s chest. He could hear the steady beat of his heart, the calming breaths in and out of his chest, and the rumble of his voice as he spoke again.
“That’s more of a secondary concern,” Jason explained. “I’m trying to make sure you don't get frown lines.”
Nico scoffed. “You sound like an Aphrodite kid.”
Jason leaned back, brushing his thumb across Nico’s cheek. “Just trying to preserve this youthful appearance - I want my mother to like you, you know.”
“My father would probably love you,” Nico grumbled. “You’re like the son he’s always wanted.”
“He has a son,” Jason pointed out. “Or did you forget about your own existence?”
“I think he’d like to forget it.”
Jason frowned. He tucked a lock of hair behind Nico’s ear, studying his eyes. “What’s going on with you? I know you’ve had issues with your dad before, but this…”
Nico lowered his gaze. How could he explain to the camp’s Golden Boy that he was everything Nico wished to be? He was smart, handsome, strong, and a perfect leader. He was in the prime of his life - might always be, thanks to what was no doubt a blessing from his godly mother - and how could Nico ever compete with that? How could he live up to that? How could he deserve someone so perfect?
“Bianca should’ve been here to lead the camp,” Nico whispered, not actually wanting to be heard, but of course Jason was close enough that nothing could get past him.
“If you dare even think that the two of you should have switched places--”
“Of course that’s what I think!” Nico exclaimed, pushing himself back to glare up at his boyfriend. “Everybody liked Bianca. She had… charisma! People listened to her, and they weren’t afraid of her, and she should have been the one here! She was supposed to lead the camp, not me!”
“So you should give up your life?” Jason countered, his hand gripping Nico’s hip in an almost painful hold. “You don’t have to be a leader just because of who your father is. That’s the one thing I don’t understand about the Greeks - you care so much about parentage. Why should that matter? Just because your father is Jupiter doesn’t mean you’re any better than the rest of us.”
Nico felt like an electric current had run through his core, jolting him backwards and making him feel sick to his stomach. “I don’t think that--”
“I know you don’t,” Jason cut in quickly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant--” He let out a sigh, sounding frustrated, though Nico wasn’t sure which of them that feeling was directed at. “I guess I’m… jealous? No, that’s not right…”
Nico laughed. It burst out of him, so sudden that it startled even himself. “What do you have to be jealous about?”
Jason frowned. “Don’t you see how easy you have it here? In New Rome, I had to constantly prove my worth - with Lupa, in the Legion, during the war - and even after becoming Praetor, I had to remind people that I deserved to be there. But here-- This camp is like a monarchy; you’re expected to rule over everyone just because your dad is king. Anybody would crack under that kind of pressure.”
“I didn’t crack,” Nico argued, and barely noticed the distant roll of thunder.
“Maybe not yet,” Jason shot back, “but I’m worried that you might. You shouldn’t feel like you have to lead the camp, especially if you don’t even want to.”
“But everyone expects me to,” Nico reminded him. “Who’s going to do it, if not me?”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Who cares?”
Nico flinched.
“The war’s over,” Jason said. “The camps are at peace. The gods are back to ignoring us. This should feel like Elysium, but you’re dragging yourself through the Fields of Punishment for no good reason. Stop making yourself miserable over something that’s never going to make you happy. You’ll end up burning out, or overshooting your goal, like Thalia.”
“What do you mean? What happened to Thalia?”
“She obsessed over our mother’s idea of youthfulness,” Jason explained. “She realized that aging wasn’t something that just happened to everyone else, and that she wasn’t going to be young forever, so she…found a way. She accepted Diana’s immortality instead of accepting that youth was fleeting, and then… Our mother turned her back on her. She doesn’t have a lot of children, so she kept in contact with us a lot more than some other gods, but Thalia hasn’t heard from her since she joined the Hunt.”
Nico let his words sink in, gently tracing the pegasus outline on the front of Jason’s camp shirt with the tip of his finger. “Maybe my dad has already turned his back on me,” he said softly.
Jason’s hand turned into a comforting weight on his waist once more. “No, baby, I’m sure that’s not true--”
“Maybe it is,” Nico insisted, more forceful this time, and…feeling that little stormcloud that had been raging in his chest finally starting to break apart. “Maybe…he realized I’m not going to live up to his expectations, and so he stopped paying attention. If he doesn’t care about me, then I don’t have to care about him anymore, either.”
Jason blinked at him in surprise, his eyes going wide behind his glasses. “That’s not really where I was going with this, but…if it makes you feel better…?”
Nico felt himself beginning to smile. “It does.” He pressed forward, his lips finding Jason’s, and in his excitement, an electric current passed between them. Jason flinched away. “I’m sorry,” Nico told him quickly, “that was an accident--”
“It’s okay.” Jason grinned back at him, tightening his hold around Nico’s waist and tugging him closer. “I don’t mind it.”
“You don’t? It doesn’t hurt?”
“You know how sometimes people say that kisses feel like fireworks?” Jason asked. He brushed his nose against Nico’s as he started leaning in again. “I like this better than fireworks.” He drew Nico in for another kiss, this time free of any static shocks.
When they finally emerged from the cabin sometime later, the sun shone brightly overhead, and Nico’s body thrummed with a new kind of electricity.