Chapter Text
04:45 CST, 3 Days Until the Memorial
Kaidan is attempting to sleep in a waiting chair, arms draped over his eyes to block out the harsh lights above and his head resting against the wall behind him. He startles out of his migraine induced haze when someone taps their foot against his boot. Blinking, he sits up with a quiet groan as he focuses on Doctor Chakwas. He notes the painkillers have done little. But it’s manageable. For now. Doctor Chakwas quirks an eyebrow at him as she patiently waits for his full attention. Judging by the look on her face, Kaidan can tell Wren isn’t in any immediate danger, the Doctor’s face lacking any sort of somberness to it. Rather, she looked somewhat amused. Hmm, that’s bad news.
“How is she?” Kaidan asks, perhaps more guarded than he has any right or need to be.
“I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant, but she’ll be okay. I’ve never seen anyone heal so fast. Well except the Commander, of course. I suppose that’s to be expected.” Dr. Chakwas takes a step back to give Kaidan space as he sits up. He’s taller than her, but he spent the last few years of his career looking up at her, just like this. Typically while laying in a cot or hospital bed with a raging migraine and broken bone or two. But now, her white hair and deepening wrinkles inspire the same kind of protectiveness Kaidan’s own mother does, despite Dr. Chakwas usually doing all the saving in their relationship.
“What are the odds I’d see that face again, feels like a strange cosmic joke.”
“Not a very fun one,” Kaidan says offhandedly. “We’re lucky you were on the Citadel, thanks for rushing over.”
“Thanks for finally clueing me in,” she says with a look. That look. Then she turns around to take a seat across from him. “But you would’ve been fine without me. Doctor Michel runs a tight ship around here.”
“Don’t I know it,” Kaidan says with a wry smile. Dr. Chakwas responds with a small amused laugh, still proudly admiring the hospital around them. Huerta Memorial Hospital has only grown since the Reaper War ended. “Still, your medical experience with Shepard seemed valuable.” Kaidan rubs at his neck, trying to ease some of the tension that's gathered there.
“Indeed, though Wren has a far less complex set of modifications. Except for those for quick regeneration and general durability, she has next to no body modifications. Shepard probably had more in a single arm,” Dr. Chakwas says with a small chuckle. She leans back in her chair, crossing a leg over the other and threading her fingers together, resting them on her stomach as she calmly stares at Kaidan. They sit in a silence that Kaidan can tell will be short-lived. He sighs, letting his eyes close as he drops his head, still trying to work the knots out of his neck. Maybe that would ease some of this pain in his head.
“…Are you alright, Kaidan?”
Kaidan sighs. Short lived, indeed. He opens his eyes to look up and finds Dr. Chakwas analyzing him. None of the pity or hesitancy so many others view him with. Just the careful eye of a doctor still looking for damage. Karin was never afraid to poke around wounds if it meant they healed faster. Pain is the patient’s problem, Kaidan thinks with a sour smirk.
“Honestly, It's been… Hard.” He shrugs. “To, uh, say the least.”
“I don’t want the least Kaidan,” Karin insists, not unkindly.
“I…” Kaidan slides back in his chair, feeling the weight of grief and anger and confusion sliding back over him. “I don’t know.” He answers honestly. “I thought I would drop dead right there and then when Shepard was announced KIA. Don’t know what got me through the next few months. Work, probably. Anger, definitely. So much anger.” Kaidan rubs a hand across his eyes. “I was going to come to the Memorial, and then… I don’t know.”
“...Kaidan,” Dr. Chakwas’s tone is cautious. “Were you going to hurt yourself?”
“No,” Kaidan growls out, both hands scrubbing at his face now. “No, I… Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Shepard miraculously comes back and I get her for just a few short months before she's gone again. She’s not the only one either. So many of my squadmates died in that final rush on earth, some of them had families, and then, nothing. It’s over. Shepard is gone, my friends are dead, and there's nothing to hate. Not the Reapers, or the Geth, not even Cerberus.” Anger sparks in his voice just saying that name. “Those bastards were hiding the whole time.” This whole time he could’ve been focusing on erasing their existence from the galaxy. This whole time he could’ve had purpose.
“Kaidan,” Dr. Chakwas voice is a bit softer, drawing his attention back to the present. “You need to talk to someone about this.”
“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Kaidan is rewarded with an unimpressed look. He stands and stretches with a sigh. He knows he’s being deflective. He also knows it would be in his best interests to see a therapist. The problem is, he doesn’t think he deserves what's in his best interests.
“I’m fine,” Kaidan says quietly. He still has to destroy Cerberus, after all. “Is Wren awake?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Dr. Chakwas stands and watches him walk away. She knows Kaidan’s stubbornness well enough by now, is banking on it actually, so she lets the issue lie for today. “I’ll be leaving now. I need to oversee resupplies and then catch up on sleep. You know how to reach me if you need me.”
Kaidan pauses, before turning back and giving her a small smile. “Will you ever retire?”
Karin Chakwas sighs dramatically, a hand on her hip. “Someone has to look after Vegas. The boy is even more energetic after graduating from the N7 program.”
“Is that how you speak about your Commanding Officer?” Kaidan teases.
“That's how I talk about all of you,” Karin shoots back with a smirk. “Take care of yourself Kaidan. And get some sleep. Doctor’s orders.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Kaidan watches her leave, letting the elevator door slide close behind her before he turns back to Wren’s door. It opens with a muted slide. It's an isolated room for very obvious security reasons. Nicer, not unlike the one he stayed in when he was here a couple years ago. The cityscape drips in through the open blinds of the large windows that make up the back wall. Wren looks out those blinds with tired eyes, dark shadows haunting her gaze. A lightweight hospital gown sits on her frame. She looks so small, sitting there with crestfallen shoulders and bandages peeking out under the gown’s collar. Kaidan enters quietly and takes a seat in the chair next to her bed. A long moment passes before her head turns to Kaidan, half lidded, exhausted eyes already glassy with tears. They catch the first light of the morning as they slip down her face.
Kaidan’s brow furrows. He doesn’t know what to say so he lays his arm on the bed, hand open towards Wren. Her hand slides hesitantly into his, trembling. He catches hers firmly and squeezes. Their eyes meet. Kaidan watches her face crumple. Her hand tightens around his as the tears roll down in earnest now.
“Why?” Wrens asks, voice wretched and weak with tears. Kaidan’s brows furrow further and he sits on the edge of his chair, trying to solve whatever was causing these tears.
“Why what? Are you in pain?” Kaidan starts looking for a call button but Wren shakes her head, curling over his hand she now clutches against her chest. Legitimately concerned now, Kaidan moves to sit on the edge bed, his free hand coming up to circle around her protectively. It just seems to make her cry harder. Kaidan’s heart races, his brain very unhelpfully supplies him with a long list of worst case scenarios.
“Wren, please, let me help you. What’s wrong?”
“Me!” She cries out, head whipping up to look at him with a tear stained face. “Why? Why would you choose me?” Kaidan frowns.
“Wren, I promised I would protect you.” Great job of that, he did. She was sitting here in a hospital. “I’m sorry-”
“No, no, no, don’t apologize!” She looks horrified by the very thought. “This is all my fault-”
“Whoa, hang on there,” Kaidan interrupts, his tone gently admonishing. “This is not your fault. You had no control over anything that's happened so far.” She goes silent, avoiding his gaze. After a moment, she shakes her head.
“I still don’t get it. I’m not Shepard. Why would you pick me?” Kaidan’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Wren, Shepard is gone,” he says with a frown, thinking the rest is obvious enough. As much as Miranda would like this to be about Shepard, and as guilty as he felt towards his late lover in the moment, there was no scenario where he would let an innocent person die for the sake of satisfying some vague last wish. Regardless of who made the request.
Wren simply continues shaking her head in disbelief. “A dead Shepard is better than me.” Immediately, Kaidan’s face twists with a deep frown.
“Wren.” She doesn’t raise her head.
“Wren.”
“Wren,” He says a little more firmly. His free hand finds the back of her neck, bringing her closer to his own face. She looks up, blinking quickly at the sudden nearness.
“Shepard is dead, I’m not choosing between you two,” He says, quiet and sincere. “But more importantly, you deserve a chance. To live and make your own decisions, free from Cerberus’ demands or Miranda’s, or anyone else’s. Even Shepard’s.” Wren clutches Kaidan’s hand with both of hers.
“But I shouldn’t exist,” she whispers. Kaidan can see the fear and hurt as she waits for yet another to affirm this belief. As well as the spark of hope, a small, desperate plea for someone to prove her wrong.
“Wren, you’re alive. And you deserve to be. Cerberus’ plans be damned, you are not them. And I will never let them control you again.” Kaidan gently taps his forehead to Wren’s. “And you aren’t Shepard either. Your existence isn’t predicated on hers. Not anymore. Just Wren is enough. More than enough.”
Wren leans heavy into his touch, heaving a shuddering sigh. She clings to those words desperately as the room falls into silence. They have so much they still need to discuss, but it can wait. They sit there for a long time, sharing in the pain left by someone who was larger than life itself, an absence that had scarred the two to their core, albeit in very different ways.
Kaidan doesn’t know how much time passes, but Wren eventually speaks in a timid whisper.
“I know, uhm… I know you’re exhausted and you probably have a migraine,” Kaidan pulls his head back to look at her as she speaks, but Wren quickly ducks her head into his shoulder, escaping his eyes. “Stay.” She says quickly. “Please. Stay. If-if that’s okay. With, uh, with you.”
Kaidan was tired as all hell. He’d barely slept in the past day since the ambush as Wren got her caved in chest repaired. His head aches from lack of rest and pushing his biotics and he desperately needs sleep. And well, professionalism was already out the window and Wren would forgive him, surely.
“Scoot over,” he says before leaning down to unlace his boots. The bed shifts as Wren quickly moves to accommodate him. When he finally gets his boots off and starts climbing into the hospital bed Wren is looking up at him with wide eyes. He quirks an eyebrow at her.
“Always looking at me like a piece of meat,” Kaidan sighs sadly. It gets the reaction he was looking for. Wren sputters and her eyes search every corner of the room apart from him as her face begins to heat. Kaidan grins to himself as he settles in.
“I was not. At all.”
“Uh huh.”
“Kaidan,” Wren’s voice jumps an octave and rises in volume, but he just wraps an arm around her shoulders and drags her closer. Kaidan can already feel the sweet pull of sleep and his eyes close. God, laying tangled up with Wren in this tiny bed is far too comfortable. Wren goes still, feeling him slowly easing into sleep. She allows him to sink deeper, gently curling tighter against his side.
“Just me is enough,” she whispers to herself some time later.
“Mm hmm,” Kaidan hums, right before falling into a deep, deep sleep.