Stede: Dear Crew of the Revenge, Thank you, everyone! It is with hope that after the apology today, we can move on as a crew together and, as Edward wisely put, move the culture forward. Thank you all again! Sincerely, The Gentleman Pirate
It's 1717, and the crew of the Revenge are stuck on a boat with the man who tormented them and the captain who let him stay. Left with no other choice, the crew get back at them the best way they can: Sassy group chats.
A story about community, and the imperfect path towards getting better. Ensemble cast.
Notes:
This is a socmed fic, so if things look bizarre, try clicking on "Show Creator's Style." Most folks shouldn't have to click anything at all.
This isn't the first fic I've ever written by any stretch of the imagination, but it is the first fic I'm posting on AO3. Thank you for reading! 🙏
This is very much a fic in progress, both in terms of story and css styling. If I add anything non-css related to an earlier chapter, I'll make a note of it in the chapter notes.
The tags do have some spoilers, but there's some important stuff to tag so just be aware.
Chapter 1: would you still love me if i was a unicorn
Chapter Text
On the phone of Stede Bonnet.
crew of the revenge
Edward Teach left the group.
Lucius
good riddance biiiiiitch
Jim
byeeeeeeeeIs that really necessary?
Archie
sorry mate
Fang
are we tho...(deleted message)(deleted message)
09:48
Stede added Edward Teach to the group.
Dear Crew of the Revenge
Hello, everyone! As you are aware, there has been some tension on the crew since recent events, and a former crewmate that left the crew has returned. We will have a meeting on deck where that crewmate will have an opportunity to apologize to the rest of the crew and commit to a better future with the rest of us.
Sincerely,
The Gentleman Pirate
10:23
Dear Crew of the Revenge,
Thank you, everyone! It is with hope that after the apology today, we can move on as a crew together and, as Edward wisely put, move the culture forward.
Thank you all again!
Sincerely,
The Gentleman Pirate
Jim
Edward you should scroll back and see the nice things we said about you
Stede deleted a message.
Stede deleted a message.
On the phone of Jim Jimenez.
trauma crew
Jim created this group.
okay but likewhat the fuck was that
Jim named the group trauma crew.
Archie
finally
Fang
Hello?wait shit
Jim added Lucius Spriggs to the group.
okay better
Lucius
hellooooooooalso omg yesoh my god I have so much to saybut I don't want to dump my trauma
Frenchie
yah babe idk if u wanna open that box
Fang
Frenchie, I love you but please shhhhhh.
Archie
yah lucius plz go off
Lucius
okay so likehow the FUCK can Stede just let him back on the ship??????like brohe literally shoved me off a boatwe voted him tf off and stede is just like🥺 but a house burned downSO??? HE LITERALLY SHOT IZZY HIS RIGHTS ARE REVOKEDRIGHT???like he literally forced me and archie to fight to the death. in what fucking universe are we supposed to just be chill with him being here now??? because he has a fucking bell??????also I swear to GOD if Pete brings up the fucking bell idea one more timeno offense lucius
Lucius
no no it's fine. i love him but he can be...well, y'all know
Fang
yeah, we do
Lucius
i love him so much 😭
Fang
we know 🤍by the way, does anyone know if Izzy's doing okay with the new leg?
Izzy
Is this what you twats are doing instead of working?
Lucius
OH SHIT
On the phone of Stede Bonnet.
Edward Teach
Edward
are you sure I can't just take off the sack nowstedesteeeeeeeedeim going fishingOh! With Fang?I'm so sorry dear, I do hope it itches less soon.Hopefully soon everyone will relax a little bit. Maybe the speech could have been written a bit better. I'll think about it tonight.
Izzy Hands
Izzy,
I wanted to extent my sincere thanks once more for the training you have graciously offered me. Although it is clear I have much to learn from my somewhat abysmal showing today, I also have an excellent teacher at my disposal. I can already feel myself improving from your lessons. I look forward to tomorrow!
With gratitude,
The Gentleman Pirate
Izzy
*extendfuck off.crack of dawn. don't be late.I won't!
On the phone of Oluwande Boodhari.
are you sure curses aren't realhow to calm someone down about cursesare curses realpolyamorycan my partner date someone else
suit watch
Jim
I have the garlic, where are you two??
Archie
got the salt almost, roach is sideeying meside eyeing??? idfkomw babe
Jim
hurry. stede is spreading the cursed energy all over the ship. plz.
Archie
aww they said please
Jim
i'll stab you
Archie
that a promise? 😎yeah jim don't think you thought that one through ;)
Jim
omgthis is bullyingimma tell stede and he'll make u do another influencer apology 🙄
Archie
LMAOoh god I take it all back lmao
On the phone of Lucius Spriggs.
trauma without mom
s - o - sh e l p
Jim
hey I'm on what's updid something happen with edoh no nothing like thatit's izzy
Fang
Oh shit, is he okay?
Frenchie
is sumthin wrong with his leg or his wood leg? either thing ya knownah he's okayhe justuhhhhhhhgod I don't know how to say thishe took my fucking cigarette, took a puffAND THEN PUT IT BACK IN MY MOUTH
Jim
i meancongrats???
Frenchie
snds like he wants 2 get sketched mate 🤔😏@Fang you've known him longest
17:24
Fang
Sorry, can't help right now.I'm on a dinghy with EdDon't know why I offeredHe thought knife parade was fun???But after the group chat this morning I kinda lost itI thought we were square but you're all right, and I don't think he even gets what he did wrong.
Jim
holy shit are you okay? how far are you?oh god. Fang I love you but what the fuck, he could just kill you out there and we would never know.
Fang
I know. I think I'm okay, he's just kind of fuming at the end of the dinghy. I started in on the fight to the death but when I mentioned Izzy he looked at me weird and I got scared and shut upBut he's just kind of sitting there. He knows I'm on my phone and he probably knows I'm talking about him. But I can't just likeI'm okay thoughI'm freaking tf out nglwhere are the rest of y'all? I'm sorry but I likePete yelled at me over the Blackbeard drawings and I really can't be alone right now
Frenchie
im omw, were r u??
Jim
he what???im in the gunpowder roomit's not a big deal jim
Frenchie
yah that's not far ill b there in 5he's also been going through a lot
Jim
I mean I guessstill really not cool=/
On the phone of Stede Bonnet.
Edward Teach
Hopefully soon everyone will relax a little bit. Maybe the speech could have been written a bit better. I'll think about it tonight.
Edward
heydo u think I'm a bad personWhat?What happened, dear?
Edward
don't worry about itI think I'm gonna take tonight's watch when I get back, need to think a bit so don't stay up for me, okay?Okay. Are you sure I can't stay up with you, or something?
Edward
yeahthank you.
On the phone of Izzy Hands.
Edward Teach
17:42
Edward
heydo you know where lucius is?Is that really what the fuck you're messaging me for?He's having a panic attack in the gunpowder room.
Edward
I didn't know who else to askThat tracks.
Twatty
17:57
Lucius cleared the nickname of Izzy Hands.
Hey, what was that today?You're crying in the gunpowder room and you want to know why I like smoking?Yeah, I guess so.You're smart enough, Twatty. You can figure it out for yourself.
Izzy Hands set the nickname of Lucius Spriggs to Twatty.
wowDO you want to get sketched?Fuck off.🤔
Fucking Ponce
18:01
Here's another piece of advice, Bonnet.You want to be a good captain?The wellbeing of your crew is your responsibility.Not the wellbeing of your relationship.So fucking act like it.Izzy, I take offense to that characterization. I take the wellbeing of my crew very seriously, I simply don't consider itis that you knocking on the door???Open the fuck up.And wear quiet shoes, not those stupid poncey clacking things.
18:23
I have a lot to think about.Don't make it a waste of my time.Okay. I won't.Thank you.fuck off
