Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hello everyone! The levels of shenaniganry and foolishness on this server has reached an all time high, or an all time low depending on how you look at it. So because of that I’m going to be posting a new rule board every so often just to make sure this place doesn’t descend into 2B2T levels of anarchy.

You better be following these rules, I will not hesitate to ground you from building and/or redstone if need be.

-X

          > oh xelqua

          > We Don’t Need These

          > This can only end in disaster

Bdubs - STOP GIVING VILLAGER KIDS IPADS AND TEACHING THEM TO BE IPAD KIDS. IT’S NOT FUNNY

Cub - Taping twenty live phantoms to your arms and jumping off of your base was only ever going to result in death. And no, don’t you dare even try taping them to a platform and attempting to fly that way

Doc - Do I have to remind you why making an army of any kind of hostile mob is a very very bad idea? Especially withers? Because I will. And I will ground you if I have to

Etho - Please don’t make a robot to fight Doc’s ender dragon. That can only end badly, and mostly on your side

False - While your live action performance of Hamilton was very heart wrenching, you didn’t need to clone yourself to do it. And especially you and your clones didn’t need to get into a live fist fight over who was going to play Eliza

Scar - Seriously, did no one ever tell you that slamming your hand down on an active wood saw, even one that retracts when it feels anything close to flesh, was a bad idea? Because it is

Grian - The Geneva Convention is not a bucket list. I repeat, STOP COMMITTING WAR CRIMES. Even if Mumbo dares you to

Gem - I’m sorry you're the only person of the ‘Normal People Club’, but have you tried developing a mental illness? Everyone else already has

Jevin - Okay, the T-Shirt you wore with the QR code that installed a virus when scanned was funny for five seconds, but Cub requests a new communicator. Your paying 

Impulse - The overworld is not hollow, so stop trying to prove it. Just go start a resistance or something else tame like that.

Iskall - Creating a redstone powered Godzilla is probably not the best idea, but it could be much worse so I’ll let it slide today. Just don’t do anything too stupid with it

Keralis - While I will not stop you from purchasing 200 pounds of pure red glitter, I would advise you don’t open it, and keep the bags away from any tired redstoner who might mistake it for redstone

Mumbo - I am not going to question how you managed to eat your elytra just because you lost a dare to Grian (Which you shouldn’t have done in the first place, you should know you never win one of those), but please never do it again

Pearl - May I suggest group therapy?

Ren - Please no howling after 1am, I know you enjoy it but others are trying to sleep

Stress - Stop having people sign away their souls for a short while just because they want to borrow something of yours. Grian already lost his and therefore can sign the contracts without having to give what he’s ‘borrowing’ back

Tango - Stop kidnapping people to beta test Decked Out, I’m sure there are a lot of Hermits that would be more than happy to help if you just asked

Zed - ‘Gaslighting’ does not mean setting everything on the server on fire in hopes it will spread to the air

Cleo - Who taught you how to make those netherite boxing gloves?

Server Wide - Stop stacking things on Mumbo’s head when he falls asleep mid-build, he already gets too little sleep as it is without being woken up with quite a crowd of people playing Jenga on his head

          > your one to talk about too little sleep

Bdubs - I’m not even mad anymore, just surprised. How did you manage to teach baby zombies to use a communicator??????

Cub - NO UNO AT YOUR PARTY, seriously, do I need to keep reminding you WHY exactly that is a horrible idea?

Doc - Stop trapping Grian in a glass dome whenever he goes AFK, you know he can’t see glass, and as funny as it is when he slams into it, it could really get him hurt one of these days

Etho - Just because I said your robot couldn’t fight Doc’s dragon, didn’t mean I was cool with it fighting Iskall’s Godzilla. Please stop it

Scar - Planting fake skeletons inside people’s chests to find when they open is not funny, and will most definitely give someone a heart attack

Grian - STOP CODING EVERYONE’S TETRIS GAMES TO MOVE THE PIECE OVER ONE SPACE AS SOON AS IT’S ABOUT TO LAND AND TAKE OUT A ROW

Jevin - Thank you for taking away Cleo’s netherite boxing gloves. Now please give them to me- no, don’t put them in your ender chest, please, they’re too dangerous, NO-

Impulse - Stop ending every sentence with ‘The council has spoken’, I am the council and I have certainly not spoken

Iskall - No. Stop asking Grian for a blood sample. I don’t know what you want it for, and frankly I don’t want to know, but stop asking. Puppy dog eyes won’t work on him

Mumbo - Have fun on your vacation, just don’t continue with your idea of a redstone powered bike. That is a very bad idea that can only end in disaster

Pearl - I said ‘Therapy’, not ‘Cult’, please stop.

Ren - When I said howling, I also meant Yodeling, Singing, Intentional Screaming, and Yelling. Please keep the noise to a minimum after 1am

Stress - Blood contracts aren’t acceptable either

Tango - You may not challenge the furnace to a ‘Cook Off’

Zed - Stop gaslighting people into thinking they owe you money

Cleo - HOW DID YOU GET A SECOND PAIR OF NETHERITE BOXING GLOVES?!?!

Ex - I can see you cackling ominously in the corner, stop it, your not scary

Server Wide - Please alert me beforehand if you’re going to be doing any pranks/shenanigans with time travel. Preferably don’t do them at all, but I’d rather you be safe than do it behind my back

Bdubs - Stop training spiders to weave out threatening messages in front of peoples bases, even if they deserve it

Cub - I can already see you pulling out that deck of Dos cards, No

Doc - STOP BUYING ‘Where’s Waldo?’ BOOKS AND EDITING OUT WALDO, Keralis spent 71 straight hours trying to find him and finally collapsed from exhaustion

Etho - Stop stealing everyone’s left sock, it’s not funny

False - I admire your recreation of Denny’s, but please stop challenging people to ‘Meet me in the parking lot behind Denny’s at 3am to be forcefully respawned into a new life to repent for your sins’ every time someone pranks you

Scar - Just because you bought a new suit does not make you an ordained priest

Grian - Stop convincing people you're married to Mumbo, usually to have a wedding both parties have to be there and know and agree to the marriage

Gem - No, we will not give you a trophy for ‘Server’s sanest member’, even if it’s true. Make your own

Jevin - Stop eating tubes of Carmex like it’s candy, it’s not

Impulse - Yes, your dress looks very nice, but please stop trying to commercialize on Grian’s fake wedding

Keralis - I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way why they don’t throw rice at weddings anymore, but it wasn’t a real wedding, and you shouldn't have done that in the first place

Pearl - Stop starting astrology cults, it’s not a good replacement for therapy

Ren - Yes, your new crop top and skirt look fantastic, HOWEVER, it’s not a convincing argument to get anyone to marry you (especially since you're already married to practically anyone). Marriage is not the solution to all of your problems; Ask Grian

Stress - No, you cannot temporarily chop off somebody's limb until they return the object they wanted to borrow, even if you are skilled enough to fully reattach said limb without any issues

Tango - Please stop adding potholes to the roads, we all know they aren’t appearing naturally

Zed - You are not allowed to start an ‘Arson Club’ with Tango

Cleo - NO, DON’T CHALLENGE FALSE TO A FIGHT OUTSIDE OF DENNY’S AT 3AM, AND DON’T BRING YOUR NETHERITE BOXING GLOVES TO IT

Ex - Stop hovering ominously in people’s peripheral vision

Server Wide - Making out inside an active prank war zone is not the smartest move on anyone’s behalf. Also please stop trying to submit each other to art galleries

Cub - Let me remind you that Chinese Finger Traps as party gifts are also banned

Doc - No more justifying ANYTHING that requires 28 GALLONS OF REAL BLOOD and a GALLON OF BONE MARROW with ‘Oh, it’s just for Science’, wHICH SCIENCE?!?!?!?! BESIDES PSYCHO SCIENCE?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Etho - The correct response to finding hostile mobs under your base is certainly not to challenge them to a dance off

False - Stop review bombing people who refuse to fight you outside Denny’s at 3am, literally every sane person sleeps at that time

Scar - Don’t bribe the prankers to stay away from Scarland using cookies. They’ll just cause more trouble in hopes of free cookies. You have a cat, you should know this

Gem - I’m sure your FUNeral for your neurotypicality will be fun, but no Uno, no Lava, and absolutely NO Chinese Finger Traps as party gifts

Impulse - Please stop trying to revive zombies

Iskall - Stop trying to prank hostile mobs. And please, especially, stop trying to get people to confuse Doc and Cleo as normal Creepers and Zombies

Keralis - Please don’t summon any demons just to celebrate their birthdays with them. One day you’ll find one that’s not that nice

Pearl - Stop recruiting people to your cult, especially at Gem’s FUNeral. You shouldn't even have made one in the first place

Ren - Baking pies is completely fine. Then using said pies to prank the entirety of the server is very much not. Stick to one or two people at a time, please

Stress - Okay, that is it. No more contracts, AT ALL, for you.

Tango - Don’t you dare join Zed’s ‘Arson Club’

Zed - Stop translating these ruleboards into several different languages and back using Google Translate, it makes them sound like I’m telling you to do this stuff

Ex - Stop playing Pigstep and Baby Shark on repeat with multiple jukeboxes each at 3am. Just, please don’t make any kind of loud, disrupting noise whenever you can’t see the sun. That goes for everybody else as well

Server Wide - Please stop finding ‘Theme Songs’ to play every time someone walks into a room, while hearing ‘Cocoa Hooves’ was funny the first ten times, it gets a little annoying hearing it restart wherever someone new enters

Bdubs - I can see you over there training a group of zombies with helmets to salute before attacking, stop it this instant

Cub - No, please don’t hand out homemade grenades to people as party gifts. Especially if the pin isn’t included

Doc - Please stop making more lethal weapons to one-up Cub. WAIT IS THAT A NUKE?!?!?!

Etho - Please stop making a charged-up carpet so people can have a ‘Static Deathmatch’, and please, PLEASE, don’t put it behind Denny’s

False - Am I seriously going to have to say that replacing Scar’s cookie flour with powdered sugar, and convincing Grian to replace his salt with ground up granite, was a bad idea? Because it was

Scar - ‘Killing two birds with one stone’ was not an invitation to throw rocks at Grian and False

Grian - Please stop doing something just because Scar says you can’t. Not only is he only trying to goad you into doing said things, most of the time it’s just plain stupid. Like the time you jumped into an aquarium tank while wearing your wedding dress to punt a drowned in the face

Jevin - I will condon an exorcism business, but only if you exercise the ghosts and not the players

Mumbo - Welcome back. Please ignore the multitude of wedding invitation posters

Pearl - praise the stars

Ren - Stop organizing Twitter riots and then leaving the day before it’s set to riot, you’re causing so much unnecessary chaos

Tango - Please don’t ask Bdubs to train you an army of villagers to help you build Decked Out, I, and I’m sure many others, would be happy to help. Plus we all know what happened when we trained villagers to do anything

Zed - I understand that you think ‘Duct tape fixes everything’, however I have to unfortunately remind you that it doesn’t fix childhood trauma

Cleo - I’m not going to question how you made a bird feeder that attracts specifically 1400’s era plague doctors, just keep doing what you do and keep it away from everyone else

Ex - When someone asks you to ‘Pass the Salt’, please don’t pull out and start reading a mile long list of complaints you have about the server being run, why don’t you try running it for a week and see how it turns out?

Server Wide - “It is better to ask forgiveness than permission” no longer applies to any of you

Ex is taking over for a while, I’m going to go take a nap

-X

          > it is about time, you need the sleep, brother

          > i mean- the server is all mine now mwahahahaha

               > You’re not threatening

                    > i am

Server Wide - Use your common sense while I’m gone, for Xelqua’s sake

Chapter Text

my foolish brother has allowed himself the act of sleeping, therefore leaving the maintenance, and subsequently this rule board, to my discretion. therefore expect a new list of rules that my pushover of a brother refused to inaugurate in fear of ‘squashing creative talent’ or whatever.

also i will be locking him in a room so rest assured he will be getting sleep whether he likes it or not.

-ex

1. no comparing me to my brother, i am obviously better

2. the creeper head throne built for an unknown person by an unknown person which is located in the shopping district, i really don’t care to know as to who made it and/or who it is for, must be blown up within 24 hours of this board going up

3. ‘point and laugh’ is now the standard for combat and first aid

4. from this point on, the act of unionizing is forbidden

5. as my brother said, ‘it is better to ask forgiveness than permission’ is not acceptable. never ask forgiveness nor permission

6. all hermits with an insufficient amount of respect towards any other hermit shall be purged in the parking lot behind Denny’s at exactly 0327 (Or 3:27 in the morning)

                > as they should be

7. using of diamond to purchase goods and services is now prohibited. the only form of currency now accepted is coal

8. consumption of any food that does not contain a sufficient amount of gold (at least one golden nugget) is now prohibited

9. any form of cyberbullying or cyber harassment is prohibited unless it is to benefit the health of the person getting bullied or harassed (i.e. bullying my brainless brother into getting a full night of sleep)

10. production and distribution of any type of board, audible, visual, written, or server wide game is now prohibited and only allowed between the morning hours of 0200 and 0400 (Or 2:00 in the morning to 4:00 in the morning)

• unless beforehand authorized by an administrator or moderator

11. production and distribution of any type of board, audible, visual, written, or server wide game is now prohibited and only allowed between the evening hours of 2100 and 2300 (Or 9:00 in the evening to 11:00 in the evening)

• unless beforehand authorized by an administrator or moderator

                > Don’t work guys, I’m mod, I got you -Grian

                     > same here :DDDDD -keralis

12. using of any block in a way that is meant to signify and/or replace something else (i.e. purple stained glass panes as replacement for a nether portal, blue wool as a replacement for water) is only to be built under the authorization of an administrator or moderator

13. all forms of cow are prohibited (including meat, leather, milk, etc.)

• being caught in the possession of leather that has been expressly extracted from a cow is to result in one 24 hour period without the use of building materials or redstone
• being caught in the possession of raw beef that has been expressly extracted from a cow is to result in two 24 hour periods without the use of building materials or redstone
• being caught in the possession of cooked beef that has been expressly extracted from a cow is to result in four 24 hour periods without the use of building materials or redstone
• being caught in the possession of milk that has been expressly extracted from a cow is to result in five 24 hour periods without the use of building materials or redstone

14. any form of explosive and/or multiple target/terrain damaging weaponry is now prohibited (i.e. tnt, grenades, nukes, etc.)

15. within every 24 hour period, you must gaslight some form of artificial intelligence into believing that one non factual statement is factual (i.e. gaslighting NPCGrian into thinking 1+1=3)

16. when brought before a court of law (i.e. an administrator or moderator) you must lie in one sentence and one sentence alone, and make that lie obvious to the audience of the court of law so as to assure them you are not only speaking truthfully, but you are also not an imposter dressing up as a hermit to attempt to gain access into the server. some examples of these lies may include, but are not limited to;

• dinosaurs are real
• pet rocks require regular watering, just like plants
• dogs can fly without the use of leads and elytras
• the earth is a triangle
• all frogs are straight
• clouds are made of cotton candy
• Xisuma is the better brother of XisumaVoid and XanderVoid
• birds have four legs
• the sky is green
• planes are birds in disguise
• rocks are soft when landed on from an extreme height
• roombas are sentient
• cats are never vindictive
• trains are a subspecies of creeper

please stop taking these rules as bucket lists, these are set up to make the server better and it’s very disheartening when you make it a competition to see how many you can break. knock it off.

-ex

17. breaking of rules for fun, sport, competition, or to show you can is prohibited

18. placing bounties exceeding ten stacks of coal is prohibited unless approved by an administrator or moderator

                > EVERYONE EVERYONE place bounties on Ex; I’ll approve them all ;) -Grian

19. peace signs are now prohibited when posing your entire body for a picture, however they are allowed when only posing half of your body for a picture

20. tone tags are now required when typing something in the world chat or a chat containing more than five people with a statement that might be interpreted as something other than the actual meaning

21. the only ice cream that is approved to be consumed on the server is mint chocolate chip

22. the song, ‘Jeffry Bezos’ is now prohibited

refer to rule 10 and 11 and 18 and 23 please. i can see you all trying to make a game out of who can claim my head first. as X might say, ‘it’s not funny’.

-ex

23. Grian and Keralis are now demoted from their moderator positions and can no longer authorize the production and distribution of any type of board, audible, visual, written, or server wide game, permit the usage of blocks meant to signify and/or replace something else, or approve bounties exceeding 10 stacks of coal

                >nooooo :ᗡ

                > aw shucks 

                > You’re no fun >:(

stop trying to hunt me for sport! i swear to xelqua i will release Xisuma on you.

-ex

you made me do it.

-ex

24. banned songs; the still incomplete list

• ruler of everything; tally hall
• cocoa hooves; glass animals
• cupid; fifty fifty
• all songs created by, sung by, or associated with eminem
• creature; half alive
• how far we’ve come; matchbox twenty
• lukewarm; penelope scott
• shallow; lady gaga
• piano man; billy joel
• home; phillip phillips
• hello; adele
• how to save a life; the fray
• hey, soul sister; train
• the muffin song; asdfmovie
• hayloft; mother mother
• hayloft II; mother mother
• seventeen; marina and the diamonds
• atlantis; seafret 
• atlantis; seafret (slowed down version)
• atlantis; seafret (super slowed down version)
• atlantis; seafret (sped up version)
• atlantis; seafret (super sped up version)
• when will i see you again; shakka
• ancient dreams in a modern land; marina
• welcome home, son; radical face
• choke; i don’t know how but they found me
• the judge; twenty one pilots
• ship in a bottle; fin
• home; machine gun kelly
• chronically cautious; branden bales
• love grows (where my rosemary goes); edison lighthouse
• all i want for christmas is you; mariah carey
• ESPECIALLY on repeat
• all songs created by, sung by, or associated with the online game kahoot
• jungle; emma louise
• little lion man; mumford & sons
• when i’m human; the from prince
• candy store; heathers the musical
• revenge party; mean girls
• you’ll be back; hamilton
• boreas; the of hellos
• the banana song; beetlejuice
• inkpot gods; the amazing devil
• the party goes with you; 35mm the musical
• tightrope; the greatest showman
• ocean eyes; american avenue
• dear fellow traveler; sea wolf
• house of memories; panic! at the disco
• two birds; regina spektor
• runaway; phoneboy
• gas gas gas; tsuko g
• positions; ariana griande
• anti hero; taylor swift
• the nights; avicii
• the days; avicii
• sweet but psycho; ava max
• flowers; miley cyrus
• watermelon sugar; harry styles
• runaway; aurora
• here i am; crane wives
• rattlesnake; king gizzard and the lizard wizard
• eat your young; hozier
• mx. sinister; i don’t know how but they found me
• the garden; crane wives
• mr rose; spence hood
• the story of the phantom; goosebumps the musical
• lollipop; mika
• hey ya!; outkast
• i love you so; the walters
• mountain sound; of monsters and men
• dog days are over; florence + the machine
• i love you like an alcoholic; the taxpayers
• it took me by surprise; maria mena
• budapest; george ezra
• pork soda; glass animals
• choice; jack stauber's micropop
• coffee; jack stauber's micropop
• daylight; david kushner
• whenever, wherever; shakira
• rockabye; clean bandit, sean paul, anne marie
• banana man; tally hall
• i really like you; carly rae jepsen
• all songs created by, sung by, or associated with cavetown
• control; halsey
• caramelldansen; caramell
• love & war; yellow claw
• blue hair; tv girl
• better in stereo; dove cameron
• i/me/myself; will wood
• home; machine gun kelly, x ambassadors, and bebe
• christmas kids; roar
• team; lorde
• fired my therapist; madelline
• la da dee; codysimpson
• curses; the crane wives
• the cult of dionysus; the orion experience
• let you down; nf
• ride; twenty one pilots
• heat waves; glass animals

i know i’m not the lecture-y type, but Xisuma is not here right now so here we go.

you know, if you didn’t like the songs you could've just sucked it up and dealt with it. not my problem. however, the wrong way to react to the music bans was not to set up about a hundred jukeboxes playing all the songs at the same time. it was not only hurtful to me, but to the hybrids on the server with extra sensitive hearing.

even if you were one of the ones that set it up, the amount of noise within a two hundred block radius that was coming from your machine was almost enough to make anyone’s ears bleed.

i set most of these rules up for fun and to see how you would react, but i am extremely disappointed in you right now, and i’m sure X would be too.

this is why i am setting up a new rule on the server, this is not a joke rule, this is serious, and i’m sure X will agree with me about the rule when he returns.

anyway, that's all i had to say on that matter.

stop trying to collect heads. it’s very awkward walking into one of your head shrines.

-ex

          >c ompletely fair. well not the head shrine part

          > we’re sorry :(

          > 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

                > 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

                > 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

                > 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

          > I didn’t know it’d get that loud! I didn’t mean to!

          > that hurt…

          > max ✍️ number ✍️ of ✍️ songs ✍️ to ✍️ play ✍️ at ✍️ once: ✍️ 5

                > that seems like a fair agreement

          > it was a very bad idea from the start, i told you so

                > shut

                     > no u

          > Don’t worry, I am as disappointed in myself as you are

          > I love you all, but w h y

1./25. keep the extremely loud music/noises/builds to a minimum. the requirement is that you must be able to hear someone if they are yelling at you from a block away

26. player or mob head shrines are now prohibited

27. player or mob head collecting is now prohibited

guys please, just because i’m technically the admin and not a player, does not mean you can make shrines out of specifically my head, stop it!

also stop using player heads as currency, that is mildly disturbing.

-ex

28. using player or mob heads as any sort of currency is now prohibited

when i said stop using player heads as currency, i didn't mean to start using them as coupons. knock it off.

also stop trimming bushes into perfect recreations of hostile mobs, the creeper ones actually look real at night.

-ex

29. botany of any kind is now prohibited

30. statues of any kind are now prohibited

it’s been a week, i’m losing so much sleep, please guys, just give me a break. i will free X at this rate and he’ll deal with you.

-ex

i quit.

-ex

Chapter Text

I’m back from my nap! Well, extended nap. Ex locked me in a room and forced me to sleep which wasn’t very fun.

Anyway, I’ll be back to (hopefully) patch the damage they did and will be creating new rule boards soon! Have a great day, all!

-X

Bdubs - Stop trying to intimidate people by threatening them with your ‘Secret Army of Ninjas’

Cub - No, you are not the ‘Lordiest and Highest of the Council’, stop calling yourself that. 

Doc - I have seen your plans to turn your Ender Dragon pet into a rideable battle dragon. Stop it

Etho - Stop agreeing to be Bdubs’ ‘Secret Army of Ninjas’, 1) Your a singular person, and not an army, and 2) Ninjas don’t normally use scythes

False - Stop attempting to hold a ‘Spice Off’ behind Denny’s, spices and pancakes don’t mix

Scar - A singular bow for yourself is fine, but please stop your construction of a robot that will seek out and ‘Hawkeye’ every hermit on the server. And don’t bring Mumbo into it

Grian - Stop throwing apples at Doc, he’s not the kind of doctor you can keep away with an apple

Jevin - Asking for ‘Your hand in marriage’ is not a reasonable price for a small favor, stop asking. I already have to keep all you gremlins in check, I don’t have time to attend ten separate weddings

Impulse - Now is not the right time to go through your ‘Emo Phase’, ESPECIALLY if it includes attempting to dye your hair black with sharpie. Please just use normal hair dye

Iskall - PLEASE keep killing cockroaches. But not by drowning ‘For Science’, that’s actually kinda disturbing

Keralis - When people ask for coffee ‘As black as their soul’, they don’t mean they want milk. Please just give them pure black coffee

          > c o f f e e

          > What if I was being literal when I said that and I wanted milk?

          > i’m still getting you a latte, sheshwammy :>

               >Please just get me some coffee, I’m so tired

Mumbo - While your efforts to make a diamond reader were valiant, you should know by now that even if its unbreakable, Grian will find a way to break it

Pearl - I knew something suspicious was going on when you suddenly got a camera, and I finally figured out what it was. Just know that I know about it , and that I’m not okay with it. I won’t say anything else until I can find a way to destroy it

Ren - Your (or someone else's, I honestly don’t care) proposition for the role of ‘King’ be changed to ‘Sugar Daddy’? Denied.

          > full stop, X is serious

Stress - If someone is napping, please just put a blanket over them or leave them alone. Don’t, under any circumstance, jump on them and yell ‘DOGPILE!’ or ‘CATPILE!’

Tango - Need I remind you that the solution to having five kids but only four chairs is not to kill one of the kids, it’s to get another chair

          > that’s debatable

               >It’s really not though

Zed - Stop going around ominously saying ‘I would love to study your brain under a microscope’ to everyone you see

Cleo - You, specifically, are now banned from any future games of ‘The Floor Is Lava’. You know why

Server Wide - Stop making shrines to each other. Also, NONE OF YOU ARE IRON MAN, stop blasting yourself (and others) into the stratosphere by attaching rockets to your feet

Bdubs - Stop threatening people with your ‘Secret Army of Ninjas’ whenever they back out of Truth or Dare. While I agree with the principal, I already told you to knock it off

Cub - Stop. Messing. With. Potions. It will end in disaster for the entire server, I guarantee you

Doc - When someone says ‘I’m so hungry I could eat a horse’, don’t actually try to find a way to eat a horse, it’s an expression

Etho - How did you create clones of yourself? I swear if this is to continue Bdubs’ Ninja threat and not for redstone scientific discovery I will ground you

False - I have no proof, but I know it’s you who’s been turning the roadways into slip and slides, so stop, please

Scar - Stop digging secret tunnels in Scarland’s drains, you know someone will dress up as Pennywise and haunt them

Grian - No perching on the top of bookshelves, doors, doorways, tip of bases, this rule board, or really anything that isn’t the chair part of a chair or the seat part of a sofa

Gem - If someone asks you what your doing, stop responding with ‘Pearl’ or ‘Cleo’ and walking away, just tell them what you're actually doing

          > But I have been doing Pearl and Cleo!

               >How can you- Oh. Oh.

Jevin - No more challenging people to ‘Blindfolded Battles’, they’ll catch on eventually

Iskall - I have no idea what Tango told you, and I certainly don’t want to know, but giving away jars of water with drowned cockroaches that are absolutely disgusting and slightly bloated for some unknown reason is going to have to be a no. Stop it. Right now. It’s heavily disturbing

          > scarred for life ;;

          > mmmmm tasty

               > Excuse me, who wrote this?!?!

          > but x :(

               >No elytra for a week

          > This was certainly not something I was expecting to read today

Mumbo - Stop eating multiple raw eggs everyday, especially in front of Grian, I’m pretty sure it is heavily unhealthy for you

      Edit ; I stand corrected, apparently it is healthy for you. Please continue, but be wary of salmonella

Pearl - You're so lucky I’m letting you keep the camera, just please never make another

Ren - Stop giving people dog whistles as ‘Calling Cards’, you keep forgetting you're not the only hybrid that can hear those. Actually, I think most everyone can hear it

Tango - Stop encouraging Iskall

Zed - When I told you to stop going around saying ominous things to people, I also meant stop doing it behind my back/when I’m not around

Ex - The fact that you have a sword does not mean you should be going around challenging people to duel you on a rooftop in the rain

Server Wide - Pearl’s blackmail folder has been destroyed. You can stop doing chores for her if you wish

I left you alone to get coffee. For FIVE MINUTES. AND NOW YOUR ALL CATS.

This is your fault, I’m not changing you back. Cub says it’ll wear off in a week, deal with it.

Also no redstone if you are a cat, it’s not digestible and will wreck your stomach if you pick it up while grooming, and that is an extremely painful death. So don’t.

-X

Bdubs - I don’t know how your communicating with tamed and wild cats and ocelots, but it’s freaking everyone else out when you start ominously conversing about world domination with a group of not even one foot tall fluffy furballs who we all know could actually take over the world if they tried

Cub - Stop meowing sadly at me, this is all your fault

Doc - Your one of the only people not turned, and since you hate cats, I suggest you hole yourself up until a week goes by

False - I see that mischievous glint into your eye, you've done nothing thus far, please don't start

Scar - Thank you for creating Jellie’s Cuddle Cafe. I am frankly terrified to ask how you managed to make it, as a cat, within six hours of being turned into said cat. Also, make sure it doesn’t descend into chaos, like many other gathering spots on this server

Grian - Stop punting Mumbo off of ledges to ‘Test if he can land on his feet’, just because he is also a cat doesn’t mean he has the instincts of one. Plus why don’t you try throwing yourself off a cliff to test that theory?

Jevin - Stop forcing people to turn on their hostile mob sounds and then squelching around loudly, it was already disturbing enough as a human, much less when your a cat

Mumbo - How? Did you find out? How to wear? A suit? As a Cat?

Pearl - How did you learn to take good pictures as a cat? Also stop taking more blackmail images

Ren - Barking coming from a cat is heavily unsettling, so knock it off

Zed - Stop trying to ‘Take a nom’ out of my arm every time you see me

Ex - No making a ‘Kitten Army’, nobody will listen to you especially after the ruleboard disaster

Everyone’s back to normal. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

-X

Bdubs - No modern slang for you. Absolutely no exceptions under any circumstance

Doc - Please keep your experiments clearly marked. While it might not stop Grian from activating them, we might be able to avoid another Incident happening

Etho - Usually to play musical chairs, you need more than one chair. Unless your trying to instigate a battle royale

False - I, again, have no proof that your doing it, but these ‘Kick Me’ signs have been appearing on everyone, and Jevin doesn’t understand it’s a joke, and Grian and Zed will just kick them for fun, and it’s not fun getting kicked, so stop it, please

Scar - Stop being overdramatic about Cub not being able to join you in building, he’s grounded for a reason. A very catty reason. I won’t unground him so you can ‘Topple business empires with my business partner’ no matter how many puppy dog eyes you give me

Grian - Stop covering every wall you see with sticky notes, how do you even get that many?

Gem - Just because your a lesbian doesn’t mean you need to drive a U-Haul everywhere you go

Impulse - Stop writing signs using peacock quills instead of a normal quill or pencil, when you do your ‘Old-Timey British English’ is even worse than you actual writing, or it’s just too big to fit more than three words

Iskall - Stop challenging the server to a 24 v 1, you will most certainly lose

Keralis - No throwing glitter at everyone you see

Mumbo - I’ve already created ‘Doing a Doc’ and creating something that defies all natural physics, don’t make me also create ‘Doing a Mumbo’ for… whatever you’re doing

Pearl - Stop selling shirts, blankets, mugs, and flags with your blackmail images from when everyone was a cat

Ren - Your idea of a ‘Kissing Booth’ is good, but please keep in mind we only have so many diamonds

Tango - Just because you hear someone else playing a music disk that you don’t like, doesn’t mean you have to destroy all of the music disks they own

Zed - Stop attacking people with glitter on them for ‘Stealing Keralis’s glitter’

Cleo - ‘A diamond for your thoughts’ is an expression, not permission to bill someone for listening to you

Server Wide - I don’t know what this ‘virus’ is where you change your skin to be a dark rainbow or a pastel rainbow and then duke it out in ‘The Virus Pit’, but it’s getting a little out of hand. Also please keep all memes to the private chat I know you have, it’s not fun explaining what a ‘Chad’, ‘Kenergy’, and a ‘Thot’ is to TFC

Cub - Stop going on YouTube and finding the weirdest sounds possible to play on max volume at 3am and waking a random person up. It’s just. Let people sleep

          > not until you sleep!

               >I can’t sleep when people wake me up because you woke them up

Doc - Stop going around with new experiments, standing in front of people, only for the machine in your hand to go off like a flashbang

Etho - Stop talking about how ‘Chemicals in the water are turning the frogs straight’, even the americans know that conspiracy is completely nuts

False - Stop holding pride parades for the frogs, no matter how cute it is and no matter how much I want to join

      Edit ; Nevermind, please continue your pride parades for the frogs

Scar - No throwing birdseed at Grian

Grian - Stop throwing cereal at Scar, it’s not a logical retaliation

Gem - Stop brining hoards of frogs to the shopping district for False’s pride parades, I already told her she couldn’t host those

      Edit ; Nevermind, bring more

Jevin - No using other people as air fresheners, not matter how sweet they smell

Impulse - Stop spreading rumors on what Etho’s face looks like, you’ve seen it and he’d happily show anyone who asks

Keralis - NEVER REPLACE THE NORMAL COFFEE WITH DECAF. EVER. NEVER AGAIN

Mumbo - I swear on all that is holy, if I see you munching on redstone one more time I will throw you out a window

Ren - Stop trying to crown yourself king again, only Bdubs has the right. And no bribing him either, we all know what happens when you are a king and Grian’s trying not to start a resistance this season, don’t test his willpower because I don’t think it's that strong

Zed - Stop trying to impersonate and switch places with people, you know that doesn't work

Ex - Never fake evil laugh in my sight again, I will be haunted until the day I die

Server Wide - You are not allowed to egg other peoples bases. However if you were to trick someone else into egging their own base while supplying vast quantities of eggs to them, that is your prerogative

Chapter Text

Hello! I’ve been in contact with another server admin and we have been planning some kind of server meetup. We’re both very excited about it and I figured that since we have all of the details pretty much ironed out, I could tell you.

However , there are a few things I do need you to do. This is a (hopefully) short list of things I need you to keep in mind while we are on Empires SMP so as to not cause the other server too much trouble.

Thank you, and have fun!

-X

1. Please do not hunt other server members for sport, it’s not as funny as you think it is

2. Please remember that ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing, except at funerals. Don’t confuse them at a funeral

3. I will not allow the construction of another Denny’s over on their server. The one we have is more than enough

4. I know the rules about waxing copper here are pretty loose, but that doesn’t mean they are on Empires. Don’t just go and randomly wax people’s copper

5. STOP ATTEMPTING TO SUMMON LUCIFER. I don’t care much (yet) about you doing it on our home server, but please don’t attempt it on Empires. You might actually succeed one day

6. The No Uno rule still applies to other servers. As does the No Chinese Finger Traps rule. As does the No Lava on Server Wide Events rule

7. I actually have to agree with Ex on this one, ‘Jeffery Bazos’ the song is banned

8. An obvious one, no starting cults. Looking at you, Pearl

9. NO KNIFE MONOPOLY. No games in general that require knives. You all are too irresponsible for such dangerous objects

10. Ever since The Incident three days ago, any type of bear trap or mouse trap is banned, especially on someone else’s server

11. To whomever is writing ominous threats in the fanciest cursive ever on giant billboards all around the server, please keep it to Hermitcraft, and please teach me how to write that neat

12. No Nerf guns, water guns, water balloons, Nerf bullets, and ESPECIALLY no glitter bombs

13. No fish, need I explain why?

14. Stop calling me an ‘Ironfisted Dictator’, I am not and if you continue I WILL show you an Ironfisted Dictator

          > DO NOT mess with xisuma off his coffee

15. We are going to a place where it is common place to be a king/queen/ruler/emperor/whatever, but that does not give you blanket permission to start a resistance

16. This belongs on the normal ruleboard, but I’ll add it later. NEVER REPLACE MY COFFEE WITH DECAF AGAIN I SWEAR TO XELQUA

17. Stop going around and whispering ‘Hell welcomes you with open arms’ like some ominous cult or whatever

18. Stop randomly pointing to people and saying ‘Boomer energy’, NONE OF YOU ARE BOOMERS

19. Don’t just go around and hand out free explosives to the people on Empires. Looking at you, Cub and Doc

20. NO, I already know your plans of making a ‘Finger Breaking Good’ Hermitcraft Fried Chicken, I forbid you from building it on another server. Hermitcraft only

21. I can see you picking up the charged up carpet, I don’t think the Empires people will take too well to Static Death Matches

22. If any of you are injured while over there, please find Stress, she’d be happy to help. If you can’t find Stress, I heard Katherine knows good first aid

          >If any of you are injured in the middle of the night, please come to me

               >Stop saying you're ‘Fine’, I can see the blood, just please let me help you

                    >If a bone is literally sticking out of your body, your not ‘Fine’

                         >Ren, please, you're really not ‘Fine’. You’ve been doing this for the longest time and now it’s spreading and I don’t think I could deal with even more of you

                              >That’s it, I’m making a ‘Fine’ jar. Anytime you say you're fine when you're really not, you must put a diamond in the jar. Yes, that includes mental health

23. I can see your plans on making a ‘Surviving Hermitcraft’ manual, it’s a brilliant idea. Just don’t start another Book War. And give me a copy as well

24. Here is your official rule saying ‘No Arson for Xelqua’s sake’, now STOP BURNING STUFF DOWN, and especially don’t do it on Empires

25. Please keep your midnight barbecues and firework parties to a minimum

26. I am honestly mildly disturbed by your multitude of Cheeze-It shrines, but please keep them on Hermitcraft

27. Just breaking and burying the dishes is not a viable excuse for not doing them. One of these days I will make you dig them all up and glue them back together

28. No hair dye used on fur, skin, eyebrows, leg hair, arm hair, mustaches and beards, or anywhere that isn’t your hair that grows on the top of your head. You know why

29. Gravity always wins when pitted against sand, gravel, powdered concrete, anvils, dragon eggs, and activated tnt, now keep your ‘experiments’ over here please

30. Don’t let Grian watch Buzzfeed Unsolved, or really any crime documentary while you’re at it. He can, and will, attempt to perform the exact crimes even though we can see death messages on the general chat and I don’t know how the Empires people will react when they see the messages

31. All therapy sessions for the duration of the server meeting (and probably after as well) will be required to be doubled. No more biweekly therapy, you need it at least once a week

32. Please also leave a reasonable amount of time between each therapy session, don’t just go and schedule everyday or every other day. At least wait two days before each session

33. I’m confiscating all of your copies of Monopoly, Uno, Dos, The Game of Life, Pay Day, Cash’n Guns, Lords of Vegas, Cashflow, and any regular deck of cards that might be lying around. Contact me when we all get back and MAYBE you’ll get them back

34. No assassination attempts. Please wait until you’re back on Hermitcraft

35. Your little Wednesday meetups or wherever you disappear to every Wednesday are not permitted to continue. Ever. Please stop disappearing randomly throughout the day, the silence is quite unsettling

36. To whomever stole the Apples to Apples word cards; please return them before I sic Grian on you

          >I have just received a ransom note for a stack of diamonds for the missing cards. Not cool. Also, you should know better than to deliver a handwritten note, I can recognize your handwriting from a mile away, Grian. Now give the cards back before I force you into any type of weekly therapy.

               >Amendment; Give back the cards and then I will force you into at least monthly therapy

                    >Lowering the ransom isn’t helping

                         >I know Mumbo finally caved and paid the ransom, but your still going to therapy

37. No more Disney movie nights. Your reaction to some animated characters is so over the top that I don't want to subject the Empires people to it

38. No more Super Smash Bros. Especially when you have, like, ten people playing at once

39. Don’t just randomly perform surprise surgery on unconscious people, that was a headache to deal with the last few times when they woke up in the middle of it

40. No karaoke, or any form of singing/music is allowed past midnight, especially when you use loudspeakers or boom boxes (ESPECIALLY boom boxes that actually explode)

41. Nobody here is allowed to cook, at all, unsupervised. Don’t even think about walking into a kitchen

          >I amend; Only Impulse, Iskall, and maybe Stress are allowed in the kitchen

               >Amendment 2; Impulse cannot be in there when Iskall is, and Iskall cannot be there when Stress is, but Stress must be with someone else when cooking. And also Pearl is allowed to make soup, and only soup, but as long as someone allowed in the kitchen keeps a careful eye on her as she does. I don’t trust the soup otherwise

                    >Amendment 3; Impulse, Iskall, Stress, Cleo, Wels, and Gem are all allowed in the kitchen, as long as they are with somebody else who is allowed in the kitchen. Only Keralis is allowed alone. Pearl is allowed in the kitchen only with two other people who are allowed in the kitchen, and only to make soup

42. Stop using morse code to insult people, especially since I have just been informed half of the people on Empires knows morse code

43. It has come to my attention that Scar has a false crime podcast, and that Grian is making it a true crime podcast. Don’t do any episodes specifically about Empires or any of the Emperors

44. I know you know some of the Empires people, and about what happened during their first season, so no dressing up as demons to trying and scare them, I will not be helping you if you fail miserably as you most certainly will

45. While we’re at it, please don’t put clown makeup and dress up as clowns. I know you all graduated from Cleo’s clown school and have ‘official’ licenses and everything, but if I see another clown slowly creeping towards me in the middle of the night again, I will flip, and not in a good way

46. Stop holding funerals for your ‘dead’ redstone test dummies, I don’t have time to attend all of them, and the Empires people will be heavily disturbed by the number of graves you wrack up in a week

47. I shall not name who (Ex), but if I see another one of your spicy ice cream flavors in the freezer again, I will be hunting you for sport (and your head)

48. Jevin, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT chew on the Empires people’s furniture ‘for fun’

49. All organized (and unorganized) crime is forbidden on ANY server you find yourselves on

50. Scar, Do Not take ‘Crime Classes’ from Grian, for the safety of you, Grian, the server, everyone on the server, and every on the server’s sanity. No matter how many diamonds he’s offering you and how many ‘business’ empires you can lead, Do. Not. Take. Them.

          >MUMBO, STOP ENCOURAGING YOUR FRIENDS TO BREAK THE LAW

51. Whenever someone sends you a letter, as that is the preferred messaging system in Empires, don’t EAT it, read it and respond like a normal person, why do I even have to say this????????

52. For Xelqua’s sake, please LIMIT the number of explosions you cause on Empires

53. Stop buying glow in the dark contacts. Yes, the ‘Me and the boys at 3am looking for BEANS’ image was funny, but I don’t think anyone else like to stumble upon a bunch of you in full black skin tight outfits with glowing red eyes while looking desperately for some coffee

54. In your energy drinks, especially ones you offer to other people, please don’t add more than four scoops of protein powder. I’m pretty sure even more than two in unhealthy

          > only when you stop adding so many shots to your coffee

55. Stop taping ridiculous pictures in even more ridiculous places. It’s becoming even harder to take them down

56. I heard a rumor that one of you has created a safe dye for drinks that doesn’t have any taste, and I’m going to say if you dye my coffee I won’t hesitate to throw you out a window and ban you from going to Empires

57. No more cow, sheep, horse, wolf, cat, ocelot, camel, strider, polar bear, chicken, donkey, llama, mule, skeleton horse, mooblooms, fox, sniffer, panda, villager, wandering trader, goat, or mooshroom tipping, and especially no challenging each other to see who can successfully push over creepers, husks, zombies, pillagers, ravagers, skeletons, strays, vindicators, witches, wither skeletons, blazes, iron golems, spiders, enderman, or piglins

58. A continuation of Rule 39, don’t also randomly tape sleeping people to a wall, the ceiling, the floor, or any other surface your brainless heads can think of, Zed was stuck for almost two days until someone finally found him

59. I have absolutely no clue how you are able to laugh in different languages, but it is heavily disturbing and I recommend you stop. And most importantly, stop laughing in your made up languages, that is even more creepy

60. Please stop digging up people’s high school yearbook photos, not only might it be extremely embarrassing or heavily traumatizing, but you also might find something you didn’t want to see

61. Stress, do not threaten to put people in a medical coma everytime they sneeze weirdly

62. Please keep your threats to a reasonable level. I seriously don’t need to explain to the Empires people that ‘I will pull your teeth out, boil them, and eat them for lunch’ or ‘I will make sure you never have a dry sock for the rest of the pitifully small lifetime’ or ‘I’m going to drain and drink your bone marrow’ is just y'all joking and not genuine threats. Try these; ‘I want a divorce’, ‘I’m breaking up with you’, and if you want to be creative, ‘I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight’

63. It has come to my attention that one of you loves to create ‘Hobbit Tunnels’ into each other's bases that lead to a central ‘Tunnel Hermit’ shrine. I am here to inform you that I am not permitting that to continue, much less on Empires. However, since I currently don't have enough dirt to patch up the holes, I will permit you to travel between them only before 8pm and after 8am

64. No making clones of yourself to challenge to pvp games. The last time one of you did this, you didn’t stop the competition for over a week because neither you or your clone could outbest the other

65. The level of shenaniganry on this server is too great to list in a single sitting, so I shall just say this; Use your common sense for once, I’m begging you. This list was already so painful, I really don’t want to write another

Chapter Text

Here is yet another rule board because you guys can’t seem to keep yourselves out of trouble. I’m just asking for one day where you don’t get into some sort of insane shenanigan and you can’t even seem to do that.

-X

Bdubs - Stop praising the name of ‘Canada’ whoever that is for ‘Making Etho’, what does that even mean???

Cub - Stop getting into pit fights at the apparently NEW PIT OUTSIDE DENNY’S over whether you get the top or bottom bunk of the bunk bed when you could literally just make another

Doc - You're smart enough to figure out how to break the world, but apparently not that the reason WATER won’t fit into your BIRDCAGE is because of THE BARS?!?!

False - The new pit that appeared outside Denny’s needs to be filled in, people are hosting pit fights and it’s giving me a headache

Scar - Because encouraging your friend to make weird fanfic about you WAS A GOOD IDEA

Grian - WHO KEEPS MAKING YOU TORITOS CHIPS TO SELL?!?!? You say it’s your ‘Husband’ but WHICH ONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Mumbo automates all his crafting and I have yet to see a chip factory, Scar says he wanted to ‘have a monopoly on chips’ but ‘Grian’s selling of them messed the chip economy up’ whatever that means, Doc wouldn’t be caught dead with any brand of chips, practically everyone else on the server is buying them, and I know for a fact you don’t make them yourselves, So who??? Is your????? Supplier????????

Gem - No more Spin the Bottle at ANYMORE of your ‘sleepovers’

Impulse - Don’t question it further, the fanfic is disturbing enough as it is, and DON’T FOR XELQUA’S SAKE HELP WITH A SEQUEL

Iskall - Please stop throwing people through windows

Mumbo - While your fanfiction was very well written, I’m not sure what the other members would say about you writing a fanfic about them joining your weird moon cult from Season 8. Also, please stop distributing it around the server

Pearl - I swear, if I see you chanting the same exact thing you were in Mumbo’s fanfic again, I will padlock you in a bedrock shack for the rest of the season

Ren - Bleach is not safe to pour in your eyes, stop asking and don’t pour anything into your eyes

Tango - Please never ask anyone ever again if they want to be duct taped together with you, you know half of the server members will say yes when you bring science into the equation

Zed - Please get a separate fridge for your experiments

Ex - Dear Xelqua, how did you make SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN a COMPETITION GAME?!?!?!

Server Wide - Who built the strip club? And why? And how did you manage to convince Ariana Griande, Zed, and Ren to be dancers? I’m not scolding you, I’m just impressed that you managed to do it

I have come to the conclusion that you all seem to get into even more trouble when I tell you not to do something, so here’s a list for each of you of things I encourage you to do. Have fun!

-X

Bdubs - Your competitions with Etho where you go outside and see who can get struck by lightning more are so much fun to watch! Please continue

Cub - You posing in doorways at 3am is so funny and completely not creepy at all!

Doc - I completely agree, the perimeter is haunted

Etho - Please continue streaming your nightly fist fights with Bdubs outside Denny’s, it’s good entertainment

False - Please keep encouraging people to wear socks and fight in static death matches with the new charged up carpet you put behind Denny’s once again! Also, the thing you did where you placed the carpet right above the pit? Hilarious

Scar - Comparing Grian to a Florida Man is the best idea in the world, please continue

Grian - ‘Birds Chirping ASMR’ is the perfect thing to blast at full volume in the middle of the night, I’m so glad you came up with that genius idea!

Gem - Breaking other people’s bones and then stating ‘As easy as breaking a Kit-Kat’ is positively hilarious! Do it more!

Jevin - So YOUR the one who put Slime in the oven. I’m not mad, just the opposite. Kitchens are overrated anyways, who needs them?

          > b e a n s a n d t o a s t

               >No, Grian. No

Impulse - Yes, please keep chanting enchantment table 

Iskall - You're right, a Server Sized spaceship is exactly what we need! Especially if it involves turning the server into a spaceship!

Keralis - Please keep randomly pulling out endermites and juggling them! It’s totally not creepy at all!

Mumbo - I know people have been playing Jenga on your head when you sleep, and that completely gives permission for you to play Jenga on other people’s heads when they sleep

Pearl - I know you’re the one with almost 2000 cats, I just want to talk

Ren - Of course you can play Mario Kart!

Stress - Genuinely, the circles in the shopping district are genius. My favorite is the ‘Silent Circle’. Here’s a list of all of the ones she added so you all know the rules. Please also note that flying above them also counts as standing in the circle

          >Lucky Circle(s): Standing in the circle will give you luck

          >Unlucky Circle(s): Avoiding the circle will give you luck

          >Outsane Circle(s): Standing within a foot of the circle means you can only have insane ideas (I have no idea how she did that)

          >Insane Circle(s): Standing within a foot of the circle means you can only have insane ideas and/or can only act upon your insane ideas

          >PvP Circle(s): If two or more people are standing in the circle, they must fight until only one is left. That can be either from death or knocking the others out

          >Artistic Circle(s): Standing in or near the circle will give you ideas for a build or redstone build

          >Sleeping Circle(s): The circles are equipped with beds. If you stumble into one, you must sleep for a minimum of 8 hours

          >Silent Circle(s): As long as you are standing in the circle, you cannot make any noise

          >Armorless Circle(s): While in the vicinity of this circle, you cannot be wearing any type of armor

          >Song Circle(s): You must play music audibly/sing audibly/perform a song audibly while standing in the circle

          >Denny’s Circle(s): If you step foot into this circle, you will be instantly teleported to front door of Denny’s

          >Stun Circle(s): If you step foot into one, you must freeze until you die/are killed or pushed out. They can only hold one person at a time

          >Star Circle(s): If you are standing in the circle during the night, you must stargaze

Tango - That is a brilliant idea! You totally should change your username to ‘TangoTek420’

Zed - I probably won’t, but I’m sure someone else on the server will give you their hair so you can put it into a voodoo doll! I encourage you to keep asking

Cleo - Nobody is going to feed you to their pets, you can come out of the basement now

Server Wide - That being said, whoever gave Grian glitter better watch their backs and keep one eye open at night. It’ll be better to identify you then when I come to murder you. There is glitter. Everywhere. Also stop using Tango as a grill to barbecue anything , I don’t think I have the stomach for ‘Deep Fried and Barbecued Golden Carrots’

Well, the last ruleboard was a disaster. I guess reverse psychology doesn’t work too well on you all. Or it was just giving you even more ideas on what kind of crazy shenanigan you guys decide to get up to.

Apparently some of you stopped for a while, then after you figured out what I was up to just went right back to it full force?? I don’t even know anymore.

Anywell, back to what you’ve come to expect, I guess. Let’s see if I can patch up all the chaos I’ve caused.

-X

Bdubs - You are no longer allowed to use the toaster. Why were you even in the kitchen at all?

Cub - If you and Scar are ever playing a game of Monopoly again, you must have supervision from a responsible adult. No more Monopoly for you

Doc - Don’t.

Etho - I (surprisingly) have nothing for you, the fist fights you stream are pretty good entertainment

False - While you are responsible, you are banned from playing Monopoly with Cub and/or Scar ever again

Scar - When Grian says he wants Netflix, he means an ACCOUNT, not the entire COMPANY. On an completely unrelated note, everyone on the server now has free access to Netflix

      Edit ; I stand corrected, Grian I guess did want the entire company

Grian - Make sure that when you're speaking to someone else, you're speaking a language they can understand as well. No more Japanese with anyone but Etho, Cleo, and Ex apparently. No more Chinese with anyone. No more Enchantment Table with anyone but Impulse, Zed, Tango, Ex, Me, Cub, Scar, and Doc. No more Galactic with anyone but Me and Ex. No more Latin. No more German with anyone but Doc.

          >And, for good measure, no more imitating southern American accents, that was just purely creepy

Gem - That better be bright red nail polish. I swear to Xelqua, if it’s the ‘Blood of my Enemies’ that you keep going on and on about I will throw you out a window

Jevin - I’ll get you another cow, or really any other pet you want, just please stop crying

Impulse - The server is not corrupt, stop spreading rumors that it is

          > season 8?????? hmmmmm…

               >A glitch in the code. Don’t worry, it’s been patched on all worlds for a while now, and a copy of Season 8 before the moon crashed has been available to visit for the entire time

                    > suspicious

                         >No, it’s really not

Iskall - Stop trying to be Batman

Keralis - Stop encouraging Iskall to be Batman. You know, we’re considered his dads, and to complete his ‘tragic backstory’, we’d need to be dead

Mumbo - It was 1am. You were tired. You were hungry. You mistook Jevin’s cow for a wild cow. We both forgive you. But please, next time, don’t be up at that ungodly hour

Pearl - Stop worshiping the ghosts that haunt the perimeter, they’re getting cocky

Ren - No more knitting while strolling in the middle of the night. You knit too fast and make too much and slowly accumulate more and more items on your person until your a ravager sized mass slowly moving through the shopping district and it’s scaring everyone

Stress - NO, Doctors do not stab their patients if they get too annoying, so knock it off

Tango - Stop attempting to burn people’s houses down just so you can replicate the ‘Disaster Girl’ meme

Zed - This is not for Zed, this is for everyone else. Please don’t give Zed any coffee. We don’t want another incident.

          > petition to revoke coffee privileges from X instead

               > Signed -Cub

               > signed -Iskall

               > signed -scar

               > Signed -Tango

               > Signed -Cleo

               > signed -Etho

               > signed -Bdubs

               > signed -grian

               > signed -Impulse

               > Signed -Pearl

               > Signed -Stress

               > signed -ren

               > signed -Keralis

               > signed -False

               > signed -jevin

               > signed -Gem

               > signed -ex

               > signed -Zed

                    >No, I’m not giving up my coffee. Don’t you dare ask again

Cleo - Seriously, I know everyone on this server is insane, but they seriously won’t sacrifice you to anything, no matter what that one post on Hypixel from someone nobody even knows said

Ex - I am terrified by what you mean by ‘My Plans’, and I heavily encourage you not to do said plans if they include anything along the lines of murder, theft, arson, an explosion of some sort, a hostile takeover, framing other people for murder, theft, arson, or an explosion, some sort of trap, any kind of prank, or a dare of some sort

Server Wide - OKAY, apparently someone had ‘The Talk’ with Keralis (because his parents apparently never had) and he took it way too literally and has been trying to spot a Dragon and Bee hybrid for the last eight days, and has been angrily muttering about some government conspiracy to hide them all from the public eye or whatever. So whoever did that, please tell him it’s not LITERALLY the Dragons and the Bees, he won’t listen to me. Also, why is it that EVERYONE HERE is abiding by the laws of Stress’s Circles more than my rules????

I need a break.

But I’m not risking getting locked in a room again and forced to sleep, so instead I’ll make more rule boards for people I swear are partially insane.

-X

Bdubs - Just because I try to stop you from going absolutely feral and attempting to turn into an animal to ‘Join your Brethren’ does not mean I’m the worst father ever

Cub - I heavily encourage you to beat up homophobes, but not by somehow finding a way to kill them on a damage-less hub server. Keep it to the pvp worlds

Doc - No more dissecting people, even if they agree to it, and even if your paying them

Etho - Stop stealing everyone’s clothes to dress up and try and impersonate them. Not only do we know it’s you because you forget to take off your mask, but I guarantee it’ll become very awkward when you come face to face with the person you’re trying to impersonate

False - I swear if you dress up as Satan and ender pearl in while everyone else is trying to summon the real Lucifer one more time, I will tell everyone else how to actually summon Satan. I’ll even give y’all a hint, his name is Grian

Scar - Stop selling people’s heads as ‘Magical Rarities’

Grian - Just because nobody knows how to speak Galactic like you do, doesn’t mean you can transform and get them to worship you. Me and Ex already do, isn’t that enough?

Gem - Stop hacking into everyone’s communicators to play meme songs

Jevin - Not to Jevin, but to everyone else. Stop using Sarcasm in front of him, you’ll teach him what it is and he’ll become even more powerful

Impulse - I forbid you from adding the ‘F’ to ‘Team ZIT’, you are forbidden from committing crimes, especially felonies

Iskall - Stop enlisting people to help you become Superman. You can, and will never be a superpowered alien from a different planet

          > that you know of…

               >???????

Keralis -  If someone asks for a really specific favor out of nowhere, please get some context. If said context has any of the words or phrases ‘dare’, ‘challenge’, ‘_____ said I couldn’t’, ‘to prove something’, ‘evidence’, ‘framing’ (when not in the context of an image), ‘setting up someone else’, ‘dating’, ‘joining in’, ‘joining in on a trend’, ‘trap’, ‘prank’, ‘blowing _____ up’, ‘tnt’, ‘gunpowder’, ‘explosion’, ‘murder’, ‘theft’, or ‘arson’, or any nicknames or names that refer to Grian, Scar, Zed, Tango, or Ex, please don’t do the favor for that person.

Mumbo - I have no idea how you figured out how to walk midair, but I’m going to have to restrict that to only before dusk and after dawn, as it’s giving multiple people heart attacks when they think they’ve seen a ghost

          >That will also have to be a no to the chanting

Pearl - Whenever someone mentions a Corndog in your general vicinity, you get a heavily horrified look on your face. Should I be concerned?

Ren - Never make another milkshake shop again

Stress - Stop trying to figure out how to mass produce those pine tree air fresheners. I already know your business plan, and it’s not a good idea

Tango - Stop trying to teach TFC meme culture. I swear I physically recoiled when I heard him yell ‘Yeet’ and then do a poor recreation of a Fortnite dance

Zed - I can sense that your planning on somehow combining Doing a Doc and Doing a Mumbo, and I swear to Xelqua if you go through with it I will be heavily impressed and extremely annoyed, and throwing you through a window will not be a threat, and instead a promise

Cleo - Don’t randomly approach people and give them Would You Rather questions then dare them to do the things they chose, especially since you know half of the people on the server are insane enough to actually attempt the things you dare them to do. Extra especially when between options such as ‘Would you rather eat a cockroach or take a cockroach bath’

Ex - No more holding my coffee hostage, I will actually kill you

Server Wide - I said in an earlier rule board that finding one song to play everytime someone comes into the room was funny for a while but that you need to stop because it was getting annoying, but that doesn’t mean you can reboot the ‘trend’ and play different songs for every specific person that comes in, especially when someone added speakers in almost every room and sensors near each door to sense who is entering the room, then play the song from the speakers. I don't know if you realized it but if two people enter the room at the same time it'll play their two different songs at the same time, and hearing eight different songs playing at the same exact time because eight different people entered is extremely annoying and gives me a huge headache.

Server Wide - I can’t believe I have to make a second one of these, but this is extra important. You are enough. If you give me one more lie about not being enough, I will hug you until you realize how awesome you are

I swear I’m getting to the point where everyone has a new rule each week. Like please, just give me one board where you don’t cause any chaos at all! Is that too much to ask????

Apparently it is.

-X

Bdubs - How many times do I have to tell you that training a group of ravagers to charge at red stuff like a bull is the worst possible thing you could be doing at 4am

Cub - Stop building a one to one scale imitation of the Sword in the Stone to see ‘Who is Worthy’, I can assure you that none of us are

Doc - If you have not slept in more than two days and anyone on the server threatens to cuddle you to sleep, you cannot complain. You brought it upon yourself by not sleeping

Etho - No more brushing off stupid things you do (like dropping your weapon, jumping off a tower without elytra on, or not dodging an attack I know you have enough skill to dodge) as ‘Pro Gamer Moves’, and especially no calling them that if they cause you to lose

False - No painting pride flags on people’s bases who have wronged you to ‘Defeat them with the power of the Gay’. False, we’re all gay. It won’t work

Scar - Please plan your Disney viewing nights in advance, nearly everyone complained when you pulled them out of bed at 3am because you wanted to watch Hawkeye the show again. Also, didn’t I say you couldn’t watch anything Disney before?? Must have only been movies, oh well

Grian - ‘Scar bet me 32 diamonds that I couldn’t’ is never an acceptable excuse to anything, at all, forever

Gem - Stop hacking everyone’s communicators to play ‘Mmm whatcha say’ everytime someone gets hit and the ‘Coffin Dance Song’ whenever someone dies, and please review what I said in the last board. Also, no more hacking on to people communicators in general please

Jevin - I have no proof, but I have a huge hunch that it is you that has been sticking fridge magnets to Doc’s mechanical arm, and he might not make a big fuss about it, please keep in mind that it could mess with the functionality of it

Impulse - Stop quoting verses from Hamilton

Iskall - Never, and please, I mean never in a forever amount of years, ever respond ‘That’s fair’, ‘Rude’, ‘Do you need a hug?’, ‘Thanks, I guess’, ‘Not again’, ‘Oh come on’, ‘Did you have to?’, ‘Oh boy, here we go again’, ‘Did that make you feel better?’, ‘Ok’, ‘Well, guess I’ll die then’, ‘Thank you’, ‘This is gonna be a funny story’, or ‘Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?’ to getting stabbed

Keralis - Keralis, we have a microwave. And you are allowed in the kitchen. Stop assembling heat producing bombs to pop yourself some popcorn

Mumbo - No more conspiring with Grian to prank people. I cannot deal with that again. Nada. Non. Nein. Nee. What other language must I use to make you understand? Don’t make me ban you from seeing him altogether, because I will

Pearl - Any cult that you try and create will have to be an immediate ‘No’. Even if you try and get someone to create it in their name for you. Actually, on second thought, any cult you create/join/are a part of will be an immediate ‘No’. No exceptions

          >Who circled ‘/j’? I’m not joking

Ren - The correct response to have a mental breakdown is not ‘It ees what it ees’, ‘It do be like that sometimes’, ‘Oh wow, that was fun’, ‘Nice’, ‘There go my plans for today’, ‘I hate myself’, ‘Why’, ‘What a mood’, or any other variant your brain can think of

Stress - Stop adopting strays, you already have over a thousand animals living in your house

Tango - Do I really need to specify? Stop teaching meme culture to TFC ALTOGETHER, and especially don’t teach him that quoting certain vines can do more damage than a normal sword

Zed - It’s going to have to be a No to the fursona idea

Cleo - During the next Nerf war (I gave up trying to police them, they will happen and I have no control over it) please don’t use an actual gun

Ex - Stop spraying people with a water bottle like they’re all cats. If you keep treating them as such, one day one of them will bite you and act like an aggravated cat

Server Wide - Just because I say no to one of your stupid ideas doesn’t mean you can go and ask permission from Keralis instead. ‘Because Keralis said we could’ is no longer a good excuse. Also please keep your sexual tension to a private room, thanks

The chaos occurring after dark is completely unnecessary. I will set you all a bedtime if I have to. And I can guarantee none of you will like it. Especially if I decide to set it ridiculously early in the evening.

-X

Bdubs - Stop running up to people and yelling at them to catch you, before launching yourself at them. The last four times ended up with both of you dead

Cub - When I told you not to build the Sword in the Stone, I didn’t mean start construction of Thor’s Hammer. Stop. Right now

Doc - I have rewritten all of the rules you tried to edit/remove. Don’t test me

Etho - Stop making cannons that shoot glitter cannonballs, you can, and will, start a glitter war that nobody will want to clean up

False - Stop calling everyone a ‘Hetero’, it’s insulting

Scar - I swear, Grian is spreading. No, you cannot use ‘Everyone on the server is my impulse control’ as an excuse when you go off and do something stupid

Grian - ‘It would be really funny’ is also never an acceptable excuse to anything, at all, forever. Even if it does end up being funny. ESPECIALLY if it does end up being funny

Gem - No more referring to death as an ‘Attempted vibe check’

Jevin - No more attempting to give people ‘Vibe checks’ by killing them

Impulse - I told you to stop quoting verses from Hamilton, or I swear to Xelqua else no one else will be in the room where your defenestration happens

Iskall - No more playing the ‘Knife Game’, I have no idea what it is but it sounds dangerous and probably is way more dangerous than you are trying to tell me

Keralis - Grian is teaching you how to sing mafia songs in Japanese. Not pop songs. Don’t let him teach you anything more

Mumbo - Please, under any and every circumstance, do not pretend to be a vampire. You pretend too well and actually start drinking blood and it is heavily disturbing

          > Edit; Apparently you actually are, my bad

Pearl - No more getting into ‘Roast Battles’, especially if they include you actually attempting to burn the other person alive

Ren - No more comparing people to pizza stores. No, I do not care if I’m an ‘Anna’s Pizza’, we don’t need any more chaotic food places on this server

Stress - Your plan of attack for anything cannot be ‘I go in and I cause emotional damage’

Tango - I know you're lactose intolerant. So stop chugging gallons of milk when you want to get out of any situation

Zed - So you and Tango have figured out how to communicate full conversations just by using the word ‘Dude’. Okay. Okay. That’s not creepy at all. Just… stop, or at least keep it to where I can’t see it

          >Okay, now your just doing it on purpose

               > dude

                    > duuude

                         > dudeeee

                              >Please stop

Cleo - Stop making your pranking plans sound like murder or arson, unless they are, then stop those plans altogether

Ex - Whenever you next attempt to hack and give yourself Admin, don’t leave the Shadow the Hedgehog Announcement copypasta, it makes it blatantly obvious it was you an not one of the other apparently dozen hackers on the server

Server Wide - The order of command in case I am unavailable; Keralis -> Ex -> Joe -> Wels -> Stress -> Beef -> xB -> Hypno -> TFC -> Doc -> Mumbo -> Pearl -> Cleo -> Etho -> False -> Gem -> Cub -> Ren -> Impulse -> Jevin -> Iskall -> Bdubs -> Grian -> Scar -> Tango -> Zed

          > why am I last?????

               > WHY IS EX SECOND?????????

          > i honestly thought Grian would be higher, being mod and all

          > Ren is way too low down

               > ren ghost wrote this

          > I’m surprised Pearl isn’t lower

Chapter Text

askkbvubinfbiuhs

<FalseSymmetry> uno at denny’s?

<GeminiTay> Girls night out?

<Cubfan135> I’m in

<FalseSymmetry> girls only

<Cubfan135> :(

<PearlescentMoon> Sorry Cub

<Cubfan135> You guys type too fast

<GeminiTay> Sorry Cub :(

<PearlescentMoon> But not really

<StressMonster101> Cleo can come too! Even though they aren’t a girl!

<TangoTek> How abut

<ZombieCleo> Sounds fun, I’m in :D

<TangoTek> An even better party

<TangoTek> Boys only

<TangoTek> With Dos

<Grian> Doc’s base?

<Docm77> no

<Grian> The Entity?

<MumboJumbo> The shulkers are there, aren’t they?

<Iskall85> What about the shulkers?

<Grian> Scarland?

<GoodTimesWithScar> Happy to Host!

<TangoTek> Dos Championchip!!!!!!

<TangoTek> Losers get

<Cubfan135> Also who changed the chat name again?

<TangoTek> Shulkered

<TangoTek> At the Entity

askkbvubinfbiuhs

<Grian> How to piss off your admin; a guide

<Grian> 1. Say good morning at an ungodly time

<Grian> 2. Play any song on loop

<Grian> 3. Cackle maniacally or scream randomly in public

<Grian> 4. Tag them in a social media post about all the chaos you’re about to cause

<Grian> 5. Breathe

<Xisumavoid> Thanks for alerting me! These won’t work anymore

<Zedaph> achgjfkdga i forgot he was on the chat ahifjbhdvaiuoksfgiudwp

<Iskall85> SOMEONE KICK HIM

Xisumavoid has been kicked off of askkbvubinfbiuhs by Xandervoid

<Xandervoid> your welcome

Xandervoid has been kicked off of askkbvubinfbiuhs by Grian

askkbvubinfbiuhs

<Docm77> That’s it, I’m banning Poultryman and Hotguy as well

<Grian> There is a hyphen

<GoodTimesWithScar> poul-tryman

<ImpulseSV> ho-tguy

<EthosLab>poultrym-an

<Grian> No

<Rendog> pou-ltryman

<StressMonster101> p-oultryman

<PearlescentMoon> p-o-u-l-t-r-y-m-a-n

<TangoTek> poultryman-

<Grian> PEARL

askkbvubinfbiuhs

<Zedaph> anyone gonna change the chat name

<ZombieCleo> go ahead

<Iskall85> Why did we even name it that?

<StressMonster101> Couldn’t think of anything else

<ZombieCleo> we didn’t come up with anything better :0

<Zedaph> hol up

Zedaph has changed the chat name to ‘lab rats’

<FalseSymmetry> w h y

<ImpulseSV> WHAT

<GeminiTay> NO

GeminiTay has changed the chat name to ‘NOT lab rats’

<iJevin> hmmm

<MumboJumbo> But still, why?

<Cubfan135> yeah that sounds about right

Keralis has changed the chat name to ‘x’s <333333 gremlins :DDDD’

<Grian> maybe

Grian has changed the chat name to ‘gremlins’

<TangoTek> NO

TangoTek has changed the chat name to ‘dead chat (or at least I want it to)’

PearlescentMoon has changed the chat name to ‘welcome to heaven (but the opposite)’

<FalseSymmetry> Stop

FalseSymmetry has changed the chat name to ‘Yall stop changing it’

Zedaph has changed the chat name to ‘no <3’

FalseSymmetry has changed the chat name to ‘Right now’

Zedaph has changed the chat name to ‘maybe’

FalseSymmetry has changed the chat name to ‘Seriously stop’

Zedaph has changed the chat name to ‘how about no’

FalseSymmetry has changed the chat name to ‘I will invite X back’

Zedaph has changed the chat name to ‘you wouldn’t dare’

FalseSymmetry has invited Xisumavoid to you wouldn’t dare, welcome!

<Zedaph> GAJKBHDVGJKAN GRIAN @Grian @Grian @Grian @Grian

<Xisumavoid> Excuse me?

<Grian> ok

Xisumavoid has been kicked off of you wouldn’t dare by Grian

EthosLab has changed the chat name to ‘Panic! On the Hermitchat’

<EthosLab> Okay, no more changing it

<Cubfan135> finally

<FalseSymmetry> Thank you

<Zedaph> fine :(

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<FalseSymmetry> I swear

<TangoTek> He wouldn’t

<TangoTek> HE DID HE DID

<GoodTimesWithScar> told you he would

<TangoTek> THAT ABSOLTUE MADMAN

<GoodTimesWithScar> it was an understandable reaction

<FalseSymmetry> ‘just dropped my coffee, time to die ig’

<FalseSymmetry> It was an overreaction

<TangoTek> Why don’t you ask him?

TangoTek has invited Xisumavoid to Panic! On the Hermitchat, welcome!

<Xisumavoid> coffeeeeeeeeeeee

<GoodTimesWithScar> so out of it xD

<FalseSymmetry> Guys stop bullying him

<TangoTek> Never

<Xisumavoid> hgfdrtyhggfdfghj

<TangoTek> Gvie him decaf

<Xisumavoid> DONT YOU DARE

<FalseSymmetry> Where are you? I can bring you a fresh cup

<GoodTimesWithScar> i think he’s near the shopping district

<FalseSymmetry> Flying over now

<Xisumavoid> Thank xelqyuofsjkbdaknbioai

<TangoTek> Haha

<GoodTimesWithScar> it was decaf wasn’t it

<FalseSymmetry> Decaf and a sleeping potion

<TangoTek> You absoltue goddess

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Xisumavoid> Now that I’m awake enough to function, Why is that the chat name?

<Xisumavoid> Also, please stop kicking me

<Zedaph> HE’S BACK

<ImpulseSV> WHO INVITED HIM

<Xisumavoid> Excuse me?

Xisumavoid has been kicked off of Panic! On the Hermitchat by Grian

<FalseSymmetry> It was Tango

<Zedaph> TANGO

<Tango> GHAJIHGDYIUHJKBAVUYGIOJLKNJGDO

<Zedaph> WHY

<Tango> YOU WEREN’T THERE

<Tango> YOU CAN’T JUDGE

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<GoodTimesWithScar> so THAT”S why they ask you not to feed the phantoms

<TangoTek> Um????

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<GoodTimesWithScar> mow

<Cubfan135> well hello there

<Grian> I can’t tell if that's in the context of ‘I'm a lawn mower, MOWING YOU OVER’ or ‘UwU I’m a little kitty cat, give me treats before I rip your face off OwO’

<GoodTimesWithScar> GVUHIJHUJSHHUOJ more like in the context of ‘hey chat, how are we doing?’

<Cubfan135> maybe it’s a cat lawnmower?

<Grian> ‘UwU, I’m a little kitty cat, give me treats before I MOW YOU OVER’

<GoodTimesWithScar> you know what

<GoodTimesWithScar> i like that more, i’ll stand by that

<GoodTimesWithScar> mow

<Cubfan135> mow

<Grian> Well okay then. I’ll just. Back away. Slowly. IS THAT A BOX SURROUNDED BY UNCUT LAWN?!?!

<Cubfan135> pfft

<GoodTimesWithScar> OH WHERE?!?!

<GoodTimesWithScar> wait a min…

<GoodTimesWithScar> mow

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<PearlescentMoon> HELP X LOCKED ME IN A BEDROCK ROOM

<PearlescentMoon> :(((((((((((((

<Grian> i have a plan

<PearlescentMoon> Is it legal?

<Grian> mostly

<PearlescentMoon> I'll do it

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Xisumavoid> hgdijowshgvhajoksbhvdgeijosdhs

<Rendog> He’s back

<Iskall85> but HOW

<Xisumavoid> sorry sorry im back (˵•‿•˵ )

<Cubfan135> Who is this????

<GoodTimesWithScar> that, i guarantee you, is not x

<FalseSymmetry> WHO

<Zedaph> THATS NOT XISUMA

<StressMonster101> 1. He’s fully grammatical

<StressMonster101> 2. He never emotes

<StressMonster101> 3. Even if he did, he’d only use the basic ones

<StressMonster101> So who is this?

<Xisumavoid> its keralis ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♥️

<Xisumavoid> i stole sheshwammys comm 〵(^ o ^)〴

<FalseSymmetry> okay, that makes sense

<Cubfan135> Ah, okay

<Zedaph> who invited x in the first place tho???

<Xisumavoid> nobody ٩(˘◡˘)۶

<Xisumavoid> he hacked in apparently ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

<Grian> of course

<Zedaph> LMAO DESPERATE

<Xisumavoid> hes sleeping now (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

<StressMonster101> Good

<Cubfan135> As he should

<Xisumavoid> @Grian youll need to update the bug software ≧◠ᴥ◠≦

<Xisumavoid> he found a way to glitch himself onto the whitelist ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ

<Xisumavoid> very underdeveloped just looked at the code (╥︣﹏᷅╥)

<Grian> noted, thank you

<Xisumavoid> of course (─‿‿─)

<Xisumavoid> gona leave now  (っ＾▿＾)っ♥️

<Xisumavoid> bye (>‿◉)✌

Xisumavoid has left Panic! On the Hermitchat, goodbye!

<FalseSymmetry> well

<Grian> can we commit crimes now?

<MumboJumbo> yup

<GoodTimesWithScar> didn’t know he hacked

<ImpulseSV> There are too many hackers on this server

<TheCoolOne> shhh don’t tell anyone

<Zedaph> pearl?????

<TheCoolOne> 😉

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<BdoubleO100> alright, who has the brain cell?

<GoodTimesWithScar> i think mumbo does

<MumboJumbo> Nope, False said she needed it

<FalseSymmetry> i said i needed it for TFC

<BdoubleO100> come on, he’s not even on this chat

<EthosLab> I actually have it right now

<EthosLab> TFC needed to sleep and figured someone else might need it

<BdoubleO100> yay! may i? :0

<EthosLab> Of course, go ahead :D

<ImpulseSV> the brain cell passing ceremony time

<StressMonster101> This is exactly why there’s only one left

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Docm77> Funny story time

<Grian> doc!!! he never comes on

<Docm77> I brought Doccy to this restaurant out of server, like you do

<Rendog> like you do

<Docm77> It said ‘Police and kids 5 and under eat free’

<Docm77> As you know, they’re 6

<Docm77> So I nudged them a little

<Docm77> And they said ‘I’m a Police!’

<ZombieCleo> I think that’s just Jevin at age 6

<iJevin> i don’t remember that :|

<ZombieCleo> my god it’s a metaphor

<iJevin> oh

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<GoodTimesWithScar> @Grian you got the stuff?

<Grian> 204 toy dino grabbers

<GoodTimesWithScar> perfect

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<TangoTek> i heard you like bad boys

<TangoTek> well im bad

<TangoTek> at everything

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<PearlescentMoon> How to look more angelic

<PearlescentMoon> Carry flowers everywhere you go

<PearlescentMoon> Pink or Gold eye shadow

<PearlescentMoon> Wear ankle long dresses

<PearlescentMoon> Soft humming

<PearlescentMoon> Have a pink glowy blush

<GeminiTay> wield a flaming sword

<FalseSymmetry> be covered in eyes

<ZombieCleo> have three pairs of wings

<StressMonster101> Announce your arrival by screaming ‘FEAR NOT’

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Cubfan135> I swear toddlers don’t even know how to tie their own shoes yet, but they apparently are almost as good at hacking as Grian????

<Cubfan135> Kids are weird

<Grian> don’t you dare compare me to a five year old

<PearlescentMoon> he’s right, it’s offensive to all five year olds out there

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<EthosLab> @Docm77 @Docm77 @Docm77 @Docm77 Give Ren a ‘Woodworking for Dummies’ book

<Docm77> Why?

<EthosLab> Just do it it’ll be funny!

<EthosLab> I left one on your doorstep

<Docm77> He game me a little black box in return

<EthosLab> Now bring that to me, I’m at the Perimeter

<Docm77> Did I just do something X wouldn’t approve of?

<EthosLab> Probably

<Docm77> Cool, just checking

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Zedaph> Are we completely sure that the first few seconds in a tornado aren’t fun?

<Zedaph> Like the first few spins?

<ImpulseSV> hmmmmmm

<BdoubleO100> Anyone want to start a tornado to try that theory out?

<TangoTek> I’m down

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<ZombieCleo> It’s september 12 2001

<ZombieCleo> Americans,

<ZombieCleo> Your child will not eat

<ZombieCleo> Do you do the ‘Here comes the airplane’?

<GoodTimesWithScar> of course! why wouldn’t i?

<Cubfan135> It works, so of course we’ll do it

<TangoTek> yes

<TangoTek> of course

<ImpulseSV> sure

<BdoubleO100> oddly specific

<iJevin> why not??????

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Grian> I JUTS OVERHEARD TFC ASKING XISUMA WHY HE CHANGES THE GOOGLE LOGO SO MUCH

<Grian> IM WHEEZING

<GoodTimesWithScar> what

<GoodTimesWithScar> what did he do?????

<MumboJumbo> OH MY

<Grian> HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT HE WASN’T THE OWNER OF GOOGLE

<Grian> TFC JUST GAVE HIN A LOOK

<Grian> AND ASKED

<Grian> ‘What does that have to do with it?’

<GoodTimesWithScar> WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

<Grian> He then paused and asked

<Grian> ‘So you don’t run the google?’

<Grian> And X said he doesn’t

<Grian> So TFC responded with

<Grian> ‘Well can you tell whoever runs it to stop changing the logo please?’

<Grian> AND WALKED AWAY

<GoodTimesWithScar> njkhajguihod jklnsbkhvjygaiuoi jklj bkhvjdgfys

Panic! On the Hermitchat

<Rendog> Guys?

<Rendog> Anyone?

<Rendog> There’s a herd of zombies

<Rendog> I’m sitting on top of a small tower

<Rendog> I don’t think I have much time

<Rendog> Someone help please

<Rendog> Anyone

<Rendog> Please hurry I’m going to cry

<Zedaph> ‘Guys’ are dead. You're next. -The Zombies

Panic! On the Hermitchat

X̸͔͑ǐ̴̡s̶̲̔u̵̟̿ḿ̷̝a̵̤̔v̵̇ͅơ̷̩ḯ̶͚d̶̹̊ has invited Xisumavoid to Panic! On the Hermitchat, welcome!

Xisumavoid has deleted Panic! On the Hermitchat, thanks for the memories!

World Chat

<ZombieCleo> NOOOO

<GoodTimesWithScar> WHY

<FalseSymmetry> XISUMA

<MumboJumbo> It’s gone :(

<GoodTimesWithScar> L thanks for the memories chat

<Rendog> How dare >:0

<TangoTek> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

<BdoubleO100> >:(

<Grian> Who said we can’t just make another :0

<Xisumavoid> I swear

Chapter Text

Thank you to Joe, Hypno, TFC, Beef, xB and Wels for being the only sane members on this server, I need more of you six. For the rest of you, you better learn from their example; stop pulling your shenanigans.

-X

Bdubs - No more Lord of the Rings references for you, no exceptions

Cub - I was apparently today years old when I found out your eyes glowed naturally in the dark. 

Doc - Please, never evilly cackle again, ever

Etho - Stop making lightsaber sounds every time you swing your sword. Actually, you know what? No more using swords. Please find another weapon

False - Yes, Jellie’s Cat Concert was really fun. No, you cannot start calling us the ‘Furmits of Furmitcraft’

Scar - Jellie’s Cat Concert was so much fun, thank you for hosting! Next time, don’t spray superfine glitter on the crowd. And yes, it was all your decision. Jellie is a cat. She can’t just suddenly decide to dump a few pounds of superfine glitter on a crowd of people

Grian - I’ve let it go on for way too long, you and Mumbo are no longer allowed to make bets together, or against each other

Gem - You, forever and always, are banned from autotune

Jevin - Okay, first, Mineplex is a very violent place so I wouldn’t suggest going there in the first place. Second, don’t go to Mineplex without a weapon. Third, don’t apologize to the person who is mugging you. Fourth, please tell me the names of the people who jumped you. I just want to talk with them

Impulse - Stop quoting musicals. And songs. And books. And shows. And movies. And memes. And vines. Just stop quoting things altogether

Iskall - I have no clue where you disappear off to every other Tuesday, but I promise I will find out and I will determine if you’re sane enough to be on your own when I do (spoiler alert, you’re probably not)

Keralis - No more buying glitter for you. Scar somehow got into your insanely large stash and it did not turn out well. That also means no getting other people to buy glitter for you, ordering it online and having it ‘magically appear in your stash’, or making it yourself

Mumbo - I’VE FIGURED IT OUT!!!!! You're just eating red edible glitter and not actually redstone!!! No more of that, you actually convinced quite a few people it’s actually edible whenever you just plop it out and munch away and doomed them to a painful respawn

Pearl - Stop applauding loudly every time someone kisses, practically the entire server can hear you

Ren - I need you to quell the urge to climb every tree you see, especially the bigger ones. You get stuck and barely anyone is willing to get you down

Stress - Stop blasting the Reese's Puffs song on full blast whenever treating a patient.

Tango - Okay, seriously, stop teaching any memes to TFC, and especially not outdated ones

Zed - Stop shoving forks into outlets ‘For Science’, you should have learned 22 years ago that was a bad idea

Cleo - Stop going around ominously telling everyone what’s in the food they eat, both Keralis and Ex cried when they found out Jell-o is made of ground up animal bones

          >Also, don’t be encouraged by Jevin, who apparently laughed maniacally when he found out the more disturbing things…

Ex - Please stop ominously whispering ‘I’m Evolving’ before playing ‘I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World’ on full volume, especially when you’ve only looped the chorus and it suddenly jumps to restart

Server Wide - Stop whatever you all are doing that is causing the copious amount of explosions. I’m now installing an ‘Explosion free’ week every month. In that week, I expect no explosions of any kind. That includes creepers, I’ve seen you all expertly kill them without them exploding so I’m expecting you to do just that during that week. And secondly, no more dripping your blood over stuff to claim it. Your blood should stay INSIDE your body

What am I going to do with y’all?

-X

Bdubs - Bones. Are. Not. Like. Glowsticks. Pinatas. Karate Boards. Or. ‘rUlEs’. Plus, you shouldn’t be breaking the rules

Cub - Stop pricing people’s sanity

          >Edit; I have been informed that you are not pricing people’s insanity, but instead betting on how long they will keep it. Stop it, you’ll seriously make me go insane at this rate

               >THAT WASN'T AN INVITATION TO BET ON ME

Doc - Stop challenging me to a ‘Parent Off’, we both know that Doccy’s levels of chaos could never begin to reach the levels of many of the members of this server

Etho - You keep saying ‘You Humans’ like you aren’t a human and everyone else around you are humans

False - I have just visited that godforsaken pancake restaurant you created, and apparently there’s not one, not two, but EIGHT PITS!?!?!?! Why do you need that many? How did they get there? Why didn’t you fill the first in? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FILLED THE FIRST IN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

          >Also, why are pancakes not being served anymore? Isn’t that the POINT of a Denny’s?

Scar - I stand corrected, apparently Jellie can decide to dump a few gallons of superfine glitter on a crowd of people

Grian - Stop ‘solving’ problems by just causing more

Gem - No more challenging Scar and Cub to see who is better at Monopoly. The game never finished because there were so many deaths that I had to just take away the Monopoly board (which, might I add, they should NOT have had in the first place)

Jevin - Stop trying to lock everyone in a box, especially when the box is smaller than they can contort to be

          >And for Xelqua’s sake, stop trying to trick them into locking themselves in said box

               >EVEN IF IT IS ‘DESERVED’

Impulse - Takeout is a brilliant idea, it causes so much less trouble than actually making it yourself. HOWEVER, no going to Mineplex or 2B2T for your takeout, no using any weird currency to buy your takeout (blood, bones, skin, eyes, fingernails, fingernail clippings, toenails, toenail clippings, literally any limb, your tongue, any hybrid trait, just really anything that isn’t diamonds, emeralds, or gold), and no pit fighting people who eat your takeout when you were the one who never labeled it as yours

Iskall - Stop forging documents to try and gaslighting me to believe your my biological child, I already know the truth and am not as easily fooled as everyone else

          > :(

               >THAT WASN’T INVITATION TO START GASLIGHTING OTHER PEOPLE

                    > :((((

Keralis - Yes, your singing is beautiful. Does that mean you need to spend the entire night singing Let It Go? No, no it does not

Mumbo - Not you too!!! You all really need to stop making nuclear bombs

Pearl - Stop trying to create a cult around potatoes, I’m pretty sure Mumbo already did that and the last four cults you created did not go well in the slightest, remember when Grian ended up in a death loop?

          >WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR OTHER OTHER OTHER OTHER OTHER CULT ABOUT LIGHT BULBS ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ren - No, stop building the courtroom. There are better ways to settle debates and you guys aren’t responsible enough to have fair murder trials

Stress - Stop claiming to be a ‘Real Lawyer’ for Ren’s court. There is no way you have both a doctors degree and a law degree

Tango - Stop challenging people to ‘Spice Offs’, especially when the food you’re eating literally catches on fire because of how hot it is

Zed - Stop gifting people grenades, especially if the pin isn’t included, and yes, even for ‘Science’

          >ESPECIALLY IF THE GRENADES ARE FILLED WITH GLITTER I SWEAR TO XELQUA

Cleo - REGULAR Clown School was enough, no making an ‘Evil Clown School’, you know everybody on this server without a brain cell (Which is practically everyone on this ruleboard) will sign up and learn how to be even more stupid

Ex - Please do not wear comically sized clown shoes anymore. And when I mean comically, I mean in both ten sizes big and ten sized small

Server Wide - You all. Group therapy. Right now.

I'm starting to think these are just giving you even more ideas.

-X

Bdubs - Unless you want to die in multiple painful ways, stop trying to wrestle hostile mobs

Cub - Stop making ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ posters for everyone on the server, I think you know that one day someone can and will fulfill that request

Doc - I can already see you hiding speakers in people’s bedrooms to blast ‘Wake Me Up Inside’ at 3am, and that will be a NO NO NO DON’T YOU DARE

Etho - Stop breaking into people’s bases and stealing their swords, don’t make me ban you from all weapons

False - If you ever hit your head hard enough to have a concussion, the ways to fix that do not include, and will never include, ‘Hitting it again to knock it back into place’, ‘Hitting it harder to flex on how much harder you can hit it compared to how hard it was hit earlier’, ‘Respawning’, ‘Sleeping it off’, or ‘Starting another cult’, please just to see Stress

Scar - Stop throwing garlic at Mumbo when your mad at him, there are other ways to deal with your emotions

Grian - Stop stealing people’s shampoo and adding hair remover, bald Doc is not a pretty sight, and not a good thing for you if he finds out you’re the one who did it

Gem - Stop making fake accomplishment badges like ‘Mowed the Lawn Once’ or ‘Best Sock Putter Oner’ or ‘Most Discord Badges’

Jevin - Stop making people’s beds disappear, if you want to cuddle just ask them

Impulse - Stop breaking into people’s houses at midnight to wish them a ‘HAPPY FOUR MONTHS AND TWENTY TWO DAYS UNTIL YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!!!’

Iskall - Stop rolling a 20 sided die every time you do something and determining how much you mess it up, I’ve seen someone roll a 1 and blow up the entire build, and a bit of the builds around it, and if you continue destroying the landscape like that there will be consequences

Keralis - 2am is certainly not the time you should be hosting a concert, even one where you managed to bribe Ariana Griande into singing. While that is extremely impressive, please don’t do it when sleep deprived hermits are trying to get a full night of rest

Mumbo - Stop challenging other redstoners to a ‘Redstone Off’, you are walking a dangerous path

Pearl - Please. Just. Stop. With. The. Cults. Already. No more cults for you. I’m actually pretty sure I said this before, but I'm going to say it again because apparently you're not listening

Ren - Stop kidnapping people and forcing them to dress up and impersonate someone else. Just… no. And no stealing all their clothes and leaving the cosplay so they have to wear that either, some of them will just continue wearing their PJs

Stress - Thank you for not causing any chaos this week! Very helpful! Also, the ‘Hug Me’ signs are adorable, keep it up!

Tango - Stop calling everyone ‘Orphans’. It’s accurate. And it’s making people cry

Zed - Stop using Doc as a portable fridge door where you can hang up your blueprints and experiments. He will take them down and build them, and I don’t want him accidentally making a planet destroying bomb because he figured out what was going on in your head

Cleo - Stop winding people up by talking about your ‘Weapon of Mass Destruction’, and then pulling out a dry erase marker. Your causing unnecessary panic, alarm, interest, and excitement and not delivering on any of it

          >And NO, that is not an invitation to ACTUALLY create a weapon of mass destruction

Ex - Please, please , just drink some water. You haven’t eaten or drank anything in four days and I’m getting worried about you

Server Wide - A server wide announcement saying that if GRIAN is being your voice of reason, you’ve done something very very wrong

That’s it! Get on top of the fridge! Get up there!

-X

          > Did X just… Quote. A. Vine?!?!?!?!

          > EXCUSE ME WHAT

          > that’s it, we’ve driven him insane

          > He’s lost his marbles. and not in a good way

          > guys,,,,, we broke xisuma

Bdubs - Stop saying ‘I have the high ground’. I’m pretty sure it’s a reference to something but I can’t figure out what. Also, you most certainly do not have the high ground, you are the shortest of everyone

Cub - No more randomly walking up to people and throwing them as far as you can just because you're angry they pranked you. Pranks happen. Just prank them back and go about your day

Doc - No matter what the question is, a bomb is never ever going to be the answer

          > what is something that you can use to blow something up?

          > what’s something less strong than a nuke?

          > What is another word for ‘Explosive Object’?

          > what is a word that starts with ‘b’ and ends with ‘omb’?

               > what is a word that starts with a ‘b’ and ends with a ‘b’?

Etho - Why did you fill the entirety of the Denny’s floor with various canned soda to the point where you can’t even take one out because they’re wedged so tightly together? Just. Why?

False - Where did the vents even come from? Doesn’t matter, stop exclusively traveling using said vents, someone can and will figure out how to vote you out

          > another pop culture reference,,,, he’s lost it,,,,,,,,,,,

Scar - You are banned from daring other people to do stuff. What you did was stupid and insane and I really expected better of you (even though I probably shouldn’t have)

Grian - Stop trying to organize a robbery to get your Monopoly board back, I already burned it

Gem - You’ve become smarter, and that is certainly not a good thing. No, setting the summoning circle, the grass, a building, an animal, or a player on fire will not assist you in summoning Lucifer. Actually, setting anything on fire doesn’t help at all, so please stop trying

Jevin - Stop stealing people’s outfits because you think you look better in their clothes. Please ask and I’m sure everyone will be happy to give you some

Impulse - Stop trying to make Keralis think his base is haunted. If you succeed he will move, and cry a lot, and it will be completely your fault

Iskall - Stop trying to make me a trophy for ‘World's Sanest Dad’, I am certainly not, mainly because everyone here is already driving me insane

Keralis - Why does Keralis have a mom voice? Who allowed him to have a mom voice? Who taught him this? Why did you teach him this? Please don’t ever do it again

Mumbo - Stop making a small redstone fan to distort your voice, the sound of the fan will drown it out

Pearl - No, you are not an ‘All Knowing God’, now stop trying to gaslight people into thinking you are

Ren - Stop printing memes out and selling them for ridiculously high prices, saying they’ll be worth more later. That’s literally just an NFT

Stress - Stop offering to tell people their Palm Fortune and then saying they will have a desolate future full of death. It’s scaring everyone, even if it’s true

Tango - Today, TFC showed me a picture of a Mega Chad and Squidward fusion and then laughed at it. I know this is your fault. Please don’t show him anything ever again

Zed - Stop ominously giggling in the background with the only interruption being you saying something along the lines of ‘World Domination’

Cleo - Stop saying ‘KA-CHOW’ before going double the speed limit, you should be doing neither of those things

Ex - Why is there a picture of a landscape on your wall with small holes through it? Are you seriously throwing darts at rolling hills and flowers????

Server Wide - Everyone here is banned from Mineplex. There have been too many close calls considering that it’s a hardcore server. 2B2T, however, please go there to cause chaos and not here. Also, I can’t believe I have to ban even more games, but here’s a list of everything that’s going to have to be a ‘No’

1. Truth or Dare; the longer this goes on the more crazy your dares get, and since ‘Nobody here is a Coward’ you never choose truth

3. Murder Mystery; someone usually is murdered when you play this

4. Clue; Same as above, y’all build a 1:1 replica of the mansion on the board and one of you secretly murders another to start the game

5. 7 Minutes in Heaven; For obvious reasons

6. Yo Moma Jokes; I am 98% sure only one of you has a mom that isn’t Keralis, who are you talking about????

7. Roller Skating; One of you will crash into something not meant to be crashed into, I guarantee it

8. Monopoly; You know why

9. Twenty Questions; You start to go into Truth or Dare levels with your questions, especially when they start to borderline on ‘Daring them to do something’

10. Spin the Bottle; Especially not how you play it

11. Musical Chairs; You literally broke a metal chair in half trying to wrestle it away from each other

12. Cornhole; Specifically when you use yourself as the beanbags in a the human sized catapult version you constructed

13. Twister; I have never, in my life, seen a game of Twister go so horribly wrong, and end with so many drunk idiots kissing each other

14. Jenga; Especially when you play it on a sleeping hermits head

15. ALL Jackbox Games; You all with the power to create your own T-Shirts is a power that is too destructive for you to have

16. Quiplash; This specific Jackbox game is a ‘Never in a Billion Generations’, you all know each other so well that you can deliver the most personal roasts ever, and I don’t want to be blamed next time someone cries

17. Beyblade; You all are insanely competitive with this, to the point where I’m scared for your literal life safety, even on this server which is certainly not a hardcore server

18. Your Saran Wrap Game; I have no clue how you made this a game, but it is not fun cutting someone down from the tip of a building where you decided to saran wrap them there after they lost whatever monstrosity type of game you made from a thin plastic sheet

I am this close to giving you all a bedtime.

*Fingers are touching*

-X

          > HE USED ASTERICKS

               > FURRY CONFIRMED

                    >WHAT

Bdubs - Mountains are not there just to challenge your honor. Don’t flatten them just because you can, flatten only when you need the resources

Cub - Next time one of your nuclear bombs disappear, please tell someone. Scar is not one of the people you should tell, he’s probably the one who stole it

Doc - Stop evil cackling after midnight, your scaring everyone who hears you

Etho - Stop riling Cub up by stating incorrect facts about redstone, I swear he’s going to kill you one of these days

False - Stop giving people sporks as a declaration of (prank) war

Scar - Stop gluing people socks to the ceiling and claiming that is was ‘Sock Man’ who did it, everyone already knows it was you

Grian - Don’t suddenly screech at the top of your lungs as soon as you wake up because ‘Roosters do that too’, it’s just stupid and you’re a parrot, not a rooster

Gem - Stop trying to get a Buzzfeed unsolved episode all about Hermitcraft. It won’t work. Mainly because it’s too hard to cover just in one episode and they'd need an entire season

          >THAT WASN’T AN INVITATION TO TRY AN MAKE A HERMITCRAFT UNSOLVED SHOW

Jevin - Stop attempting to pay off debts using stickers and coloring sheets

Impulse - Stop watching Anime and then disappearing and claiming that you’ve been ‘Isekaied to a new world’

Iskall - Stop watching Anime and then reciting entire episodes by memory, it’s terrifying how many people recognize exactly which show, season, and episode you’re reciting within the first eight words

Keralis - No glitter. Maybe slime. You’re on thin ice with glitter slime, since it is glitter but it technically can’t get much glitter on anything

Mumbo - Don’t believe everything Scar and Grian tell you. You should have more common sense than to believe ‘The Loch Ness Monster lives exclusively in inactive Squid farms’

Pearl - ‘Having a Scythe’ and ‘Having the right to threaten people with your scythe’ and ‘Being allowed to have a scythe’ are three things that should not be used in the same sentence when referring to you. Please give me the scythe

Ren - Stop broadcasting a message to everyone on the server that you’ve been the ‘First to Escape the Simulation’, you’re causing so much unnecessary panic. And all the redstoners on the server instantly started to try and find their own ways out of something that isn’t even real

Stress - Stop trying to create the tech from superhero movies, you are certainly not a superhero

Tango - If you ‘Have a Solution’, and it includes fire, that’s not a valid solution

          > what if i have something i need to get rid of?

               >Try selling it first? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

Zed - Stop talking about a ‘Fourth Wall’ and how to break it, this isn’t that type of fic

Cleo - ‘Kick them where the sun don’t shine’ is sometimes good advise, but not for every circumstance where someone comes to you for advice

Ex - I don’t care how good their manners are, no keeping guardians as pets

Server Wide - Stop holding democratic elections in favor of ignoring these rules!

No more shoe stores. I swear I’ve seen at least 18 pop up out of nowhere within the last week, what is going on?

-X

Bdubs - Collecting dead bugs is a good hobby. However, it becomes less of a good hobby whenever you try to scare other people with your collection of pinned up dead cockroaches. And also, Keralis cried when he saw your dead butterfly collection

Cub - Murdering people who misgender others on Mineplex is totally illegal and you should totally not do it

          > The sarcasm here is practically dripping from every word

Doc - Insanity does not build character, so stop trying to ‘Build the Character’ of everyone around you

Etho - When I said no glitter bombs, I really meant No Glitter Bombs . Don’t just go and make smoke bombs that hide the fact your covered every single inch of anything within a twenty five foot radius in glitter

False - Stop playing the ‘One Punch Man’ theme song everytime Grian steps foot into one of the Denny’s pits

Scar - Grian does not need to be followed around 24/7, he does not need a bodyguard or an ‘eye candy boyfriend’, and I’m sure you have better things to do than that

Grian - Tell Scar to get rid of the dinosaur. You’re the only person he’ll listen to

Gem - Stop trying to scare Doc. You can’t, and will not, come out of that unhurt and alive

Jevin - Stop ‘Doing Favors’ for hostile mobs. I don’t care how much a creeper pleads for a cup to tea, it’s not good for them

Impulse - Stop trying to find a way to eat socks

Iskall - You are not the Lorax. Stop speaking for the trees, rhyming, dressing up as a tiny orange person with a yellow mustache, and strangling anyone who cuts down a tree

Keralis - Yes, the apron is a very pretty pink, and it looks very good on you, now. Who gave it to you?

Mumbo - Stop trying to convince people to dress in drag, even if they look very good in a mini skirt

Pearl - ClownPierce has not challenged you to a scythe fight. ClownPierce is not a real person. ClownPierce is a fictional character, you should know this. Also, HOW DID YOU GET ANOTHER SCYTHE?!?!

Ren - Stop trying to fight everyone you see. And no, don’t try and fight them at Denny’s, in the parking lot of Denny’s, in the parking lot of Denny’s at 3am, or in the parking lot of Denny’s at 3am in the pit closest to the drive through

Stress - Stop trying to stage revolutions against things we don’t even have. If I see another sign saying ‘Join us as we fight against the tyranny of school bands!’ I will throw someone out a window

Tango - Stop asking Zed to ‘Give me a hand’, he can and will cut off his hand and hand it to you (pun not intended)

Zed - Stop challenging people to an ‘Elbow wrestling match’, what even is that??????

Cleo - Stop baking cakes for people in encouragement to leave you alone, they can and will come back for more

Ex - Stop sending death threats to people pretending to be their cats. Doc is going around saying stuff like ‘SEE?!?!? THEY ARE EVIL!”

Server Wide - Throwing a bible at anyone is not a proper form of combat. Even if it is an extra heavy one. Also, it might be disrespectful to the religion you’re getting the bible from. And no, that doesn’t mean make your own religious bible, either

They said, ‘All Hermits scare the living life out of me’

They could care less as long as someone’ll bleed

So darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose

Maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me

-X

          > WHO TAUGHT X ABOUT MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE???? I JUST WANT TO TALK

Bdubs - Stop stalking people, I don’t care if it’s to protect them from other stalkers or to get blackmail images, stalking is stalking

Cub - Stop treating everyone else like they’re twelve, even if they act like it

Doc - Stop attempting to teach other people German, not even the global translator can recognize what their botched words mean. Also, I’m pretty sure Etho said something extremely wrong and summoned a demon

Etho - Stop pretending to be Hanako from Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun, you are not a ghost that haunts a toilet

False - Stop trying to start a new holiday centered around pit fighting at Denny’s

Scar - You’re the one who chose to stand on a roof, it’s your fault when you fall off and someone laughs

Grian - Stop dressing up as a shark and singing California Girls

Gem - I heavily encourage sleep, you cannot only be asleep ‘When the Sun and Moon are at their highest’, that is 22 hours of activity and 2 hours of sleep, you certainly need more sleep than that

Jevin - It’s a good song, but please turn off the speakers you placed all around the server that are now blasting ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ 24/7

Impulse - Stop lashing out at people who make Harry Potter jokes, ESPECIALLY when you’re the one in a Dumbledor cosplay

Iskall - Stop saying the Genie is real and you need to summon Bloody Mary to find out where the lamp it, you know someone is going to actually figure out how to summon her

Keralis - No, Keralis, the moon landing was real, now please get off of Minebook

          >thats what they want you to think \ (╹□╹)/

Mumbo - Stop trying to make a lipstick that will show up even if your invisible, I don’t think I needed to say how creepy it was to have a floating pair of lips running around the server, but apparently I do

Pearl - Stop trying to convince people they’re gods, and for Xelqua’s sake, don’t form a cult around them being said god

Ren - Stop selling pictures of your knee, those are also NFTs

Stress - ‘They had it coming’ is not a viable excuse for refusing medical service to someone, even if they did deserve it

Tango - Stop going around telling ‘Scary’ stories about what Tony the Tiger does in his freetime, especially the one that involves four glitter covered pillows, mushroom soup, and a twenty foot tall plastic skeleton

Zed - Just because I have not told someone to not do something, does not mean I’m okay with them doing it. So please stop trying to find creative ways around the rules I set, and just listen to your common sense. Actually, since you apparently don’t have any common sense at all, please run any crazy ideas by me first

Cleo - Stop threatening to bite anyone who pranks you. You could actually turn that person into a zombie as well

          >Actually that goes for Mumbo as well, we don’t need any more vampires on the server

Ex - Stop making armor made of spoons and forks and enchanting them with Curse of Binding, and then equipping them on people when they sleep. Utensils are surprisingly durable and it takes forever to break them

Server Wide - Stop calling me ‘Odin’ and making very disturbing head shrines to me. You will anger a god one of these days, real or not, and suffer the extreme consequences

Country music? Banned. 

Squires? Banned. 

Fitbits? Banned. 

Suitcases? Banned.

Picture frames? Banned.

Calendars featuring someone off server? Banned.

Villain arcs? Banned.

Fathers day? Give me coffee.

-X

Bdubs - Stop trying to convince people there is a ‘Captain Underpants Day’ where you have to dress up as Captain Underpants

Cub - When someone pranks you, please don’t then offer to make them a prosthetic limb to replace the one they are about to lose experiencing your wrath. Don’t make me padlock you in a bedrock room just like I did with Pearl

Doc - Stop using AI to dub over weird clips with even weirder dialogue and then storing it for blackmail purposes

          >No, I don’t care if you made the AI yourself, you still have to delete the footage

Etho - Stop trying to flex on the others by talking about how good your smack talk is, someone will one up you one of these days

False - Stop painting the side of people’s builds with a weird mix of cookie dough, cake batter, pumpkin guts, and human blood (WHERE DID YOU GET THE BLOOD?????????)

Scar - If you’re going to attempt to serenade anyone, don’t do it using karaoke, don’t do it as ungodly hours of the night, don’t do it while the person is asleep, don’t do it with a piano you dropped in front of or on top of them, and don’t do it with country music

Grian - No, you are not Megamind

Gem - No, not all lesbians require swords, even if they are highly requested. Stop handing them out like a doctor hands out lollipops

Jevin - Stop trying to make Jurassic Park a real thing, we all saw the movies, there were multiple of them that explained exactly why it was a bad idea

Impulse - What do you even mean by ‘He’s in your bed but I’m in your Twitch chat’?????????

          >Who’s Wilbur Soot?

               > but he’s in your bed, i’m in your twitch chat

                    > I’ve got the key and he’s just a doormat

                         > and even though he’s got social skills that doesn’t mean i can’t pay the bills

                              > anyway make the most of him cause he moves on pretty bloody quick

Iskall - Stop trying to start a conspiracy theory about conspiracy theories being made up by the government to distract people from smaller problems, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard

Keralis - Good job, but I don’t think Pumpkins normally become so deformed after you carve them

Mumbo - Did Scar tell you that leaving dead cows on people’s doorsteps meant you liked them? Because it doesn’t, it makes you a cryptid of the woods

Pearl - Stop spreading rumors of a new cult. There are no more new cults (thank Xelqua), and if there were they would be your fault most likely

Ren - Stop turning animals into Cthulhu lookalikes

Stress - Please stop trying to sacrifice blood (Same with False, WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!!!) to the ocean. No, the ocean is not hungry, nor angry. It’s the ocean, Stress

          >What do you MEAN Pearl made an ocean cult?!?!?!

Tango - Stop giving people flowers when you want to fight them, you’re giving them false hope

Zed - Stop referring to yourself as ‘The Pope’, you are not, there is already one on the Europe SMP server

Cleo - Please stop singing ‘The Zombie Song’ as loud as you can, and off key

Ex - Stop giving out advice. While some of it is good (‘Don’t get stabbed’, ‘Run from murderers’, ‘Don’t be stupid’) there are a few… questionable pieces you’ve given out (‘Don’t let them win, built the biggest sandcastle’, ‘Only eat redstone on a full moon and when it’s mixed in with a fruit smoothie’, ‘Fear the wrath of the Spider Squid’), and especially don’t give people advice when they didn’t ask for any to begin with

Server Wide - Do not encourage each others bad decisions, I beg of you, please

Chapter Text

That’s it, I quit. No more rule boards focused towards specific hermits. Instead, I will require every single one of you to attend my class on how not to be chaotic. It will be hosted every Saturday. It’s not optional.

This, instead, will be an ever expanding list of things I need you to not do. I’m the only one allowed to add to it. Or edit it. You can continue adding your comments, but you can’t edit the actual rules. 

-X

1. Stop attempting to ‘Swap’ usernames. Grian and Mumbo tried to do that and someone off server ended up stealing Grian’s user before Mumbo could change it to his. We now apparently have xX_Grian_Xx on the server until we can track down and buy off whoever took the name

2. TFC, I’m starting to get the idea that you know the meaning of every single slang word you use and are just using them wildly incorrectly to annoy/confuse everyone else. Stop

3. Just because it was said in a song, doesn’t mean you actually need to do it. Looking at Grian, stop ‘Why don’t you dance like, you're sick of your mind. Why don’t you set your wings on fire’

4. No more diving into one or two block deep pools, that’s just a concussion waiting to happen

5. Stop attempting to find a way to eat spider string. Like, why would you even want to do that?????

6. Stop attempting Fortnite dances every time you see someone die, not only are you all horribly terrible at, but it’s completely unnecessary, especially when you’re also fighting for your life in one of the godforsaken pits

7. Actually, why are the pits still there??? Someone fill them in

8. Playing any country song is banned. I know none of you have done it yet, but I’m just going to put that out there

9. Stop playing catchy songs on repeat, it’ll repeat in everyone’s heads until they go insane

10. When your angry at someone, the proper response is not to pull an axe out of your inventory and ask them how they’re kneecaps are doing

11. Stop claiming to be ancient Greek monsters. It’ll be your fault when someone off server takes you seriously and charges you with a rustic sword and shield, and I certainly won’t be there to save you

12. Stop casually forgetting how being dead works and coming back as ghosts instead of respawning

13. Being a ghost is not an excuse to not follow the rules

14. Stop trying to eat wood

15. Stop trying to eat trees

16. Actually, here’s a list of stuff you shouldn’t eat

• Bark
• Leaves
• Sand
• Gravel
• Stone
• Cobblestone
• Any type of liquid (you drink, not eat)
• Any type of ore
• Deepslate
• Anything you find under the dirt layer
• Dirt
• Grass
• Endstone
• Netherrack
• Actually, anything you find in the Nether
• And anything you find in the End
• Any material you’d use to build
• Any material you’d use to tear something down (tnt, pickaxes, shovels, etc.)
• Any tool/weapon
• I’m disappointed that I have to make a list so long, so just don’t eat anything an animal won’t

17. Stop writing vague and threatening messages on bathroom mirrors for when they fog up

18. Stop playing dam building games against beavers, you won’t win

19. Stop locking random hermits in a room. In almost every instance, you will no longer have a room to lock more people in (Which also might be a good thing if I’m being honest)

20. None of you are Amazon. Now stop building working trucks and delivering ‘packages’ that actually glitter bomb you when you open them

21. Stop going to Stress’s and replacing her IV bags with blood bags

22. No, a nasal cavity does not require a dentist

23. Stop dressing up as me and yelling ‘NO MORE FUN’ at everyone you see

24. Not every single video you find on YouTube needs commentary. Yes, I know about your collective channel where you react to videos and yodel after every word and react to each others reaction videos, I’m still scratching my head on how you have 10 million subscribers

25. Stop using ‘You won’t know until you try’ as your excuse for anything

26. Just because you took an invisibility potion doesn’t mean you're immune to the consequences of your actions. Contrary to popular belief, most of the time I can tell it’s you when you do something, even when invisible

27. Grand Theft Auto is not how you're supposed to learn to drive. I’d be happy to actually teach you how to drive if you would like

28. Stop making doorways that lead to outside when your ten stories up just so you can avoid my ‘Stop throwing people out windows’ rule

29. Stop drawing on asleep people’s faces, we need to encourage them to sleep, not make fun of them when they do

30. Stop threatening to summon ancient Greek gods, you know it won’t work

31. Stop trying to pretending to be a mummy so you can sneak into a museum, there were four movies dedicated to what happened during nighttime in a museum, and I don’t think any of you would like getting caught up in that very much

32. Stop calling people 'Voldemort's Uglier Younger Brother’, you all have noses. And it’s unfair to Voldemort to compare you to them

          > OHHH BURN

33. Nothing along the lines of a Cult, Gang, Mafia, Yakuza, Syndicate, or Mob

34. No more horror games, you all play it at 1am and scream so loud the whole server can hear you whenever there’s a jumpscare

35. Stop using wheat as weapons, they are meant to be used to make bread and cake, not to be used as tools to fight in the pit

36. Actually, no more pits. At all. Especially ones you challenge each other to fight in

          > ohhhh doc no more perimeterrrrr

               > this has the energy of an ten year old telling on another ten year old

37. Stop referring to each other as ‘Bait’, ‘Canon Fodder’ or ‘Dispensable' or anything like that

38. Stop trying to impersonate skinny british kids with stupid glasses and weird forehead scars by waving a stick around

39. Stop looking up weird conspiracy theories, this is the first step to tinfoil hats and talking about aliens and government cover ups for major events that should have been on the news but got scrubbed from every news site on any server

40. Why are you all suddenly wearing tinfoil hats? Is that a tinfoil full body suit?!?!?!?!

41. Stop claiming yourselves as gods, I’m pretty sure I already said this to at least one of you, but it’s getting ridiculously out of hand

42. No, I will not join the ‘Dad squad’

43. Stop trying to tear a hole in ‘The Fourth Wall’, this is, again, not that type of fic

44. Stop eating so much sugar that your making a toddler jealous

45. Please stop trying to dye yourself green and either cosplaying an alien or the Hulk

46. The Beatles aren’t real. The Beatles were never real. Stop talking like they were

47. Stop stealing catchphrases from people in anime

48. I don’t care if it’s your own server, no making a server dedicated to teaching other how to be as chaotic as you all are

49. Stop trying to make a netherite boxing glove that works like One Punch Man

50. Yes, there are a few ghasts casually floating around the Overworld. No, they will not attack you. Please don’t attack them either

51. Please never ever try to combine Fortnite dances ever again

52. No more dabbing

53. No more dabbing to attack someone or something

54. Yes, vegetables are very good for you and you all should be eating them regularly, but shoving them down each others throats is not acceptable

55. I saw the mega book you're making. Please don’t continue, it’s not an appropriate thing to see when flying over

56. Stop flirting with hostile mobs

          >EXCUSE ME, HOW DID YOU GET THAT SKELETON TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU??????

57. Please punch racists in the face. As hard as you can. I don’t care which server your on, they deserve it

58. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, go ahead and punch as many racists, sexists, ableists, homophobes, transphobes, polyphobes, pedophiles, and zoophiles as you fancy

59. Stop printing out ‘Sorry :(‘ cards whenever you accidentally destroy something that’s not yours, just apologize in person like a normal person

60. Stop making thirst traps, I don’t care how many other hermits encourage you to and like them, the wider internet can also access them

61. Stop buying armies of Samsung Smart Fridges, what are you even going to do with them????

62. No more Magic 8 Balls

63. No more Akinator

64. No more Dice rolling websites because apparently you can’t even handle that

65. Stop enacting each other as knights, none of you have that power, and the only person who ever had that power doesn’t anymore

66. Stop trying to make a military either

67. Stop trying to form a government so you can enact people as knights in your military, I swear to Xelqua

68. Stop holding people at sword point when they won’t join your knight military

69. Haha fUnI nUmBeR

          >Who wrote this?

70. Stop trying to grow one of those small pill to dinosaur just add water things you buy at Hypixel supermarkets into actual real dinosaurs

71. No using old dinosaur DNA to make any, either. Again I said this before, but there is an entire movie franchise telling you why that is a bad idea

72. Stop trying to convince TFC you're in his communicator, you're just having a Facetime call

73. I’m pretty sure TFC knows what you're up to. He turned his own brightness up today, so the trick with asking him to pay a diamond to ‘Fix’ his communicator won’t work either

74. When you see someone get into a fight with someone else, please don’t instantly place bets on them, separate them

75. Also, no more betting on pit fights

76. Pit fights are now off limits

77. Stop randomly chucking people into the giant rainbow box when they’re not being ‘Gay Enough’

78. Stop telling others to ‘Get a Life’

79. Stop trying to summon the ghosts from hardcore servers

          >Grian, who is the bunny guy and why did you get everyone on the server to patronize him?

80. If you feel offended, at all, whether off world or on world, there are two things you should do before anything else. First, if it’s another hermit that is offending you, you should tell them and they better knock it off. Second, if it’s not another hermit, and instead someone else, please message me, Ex, Grian, Doc, or TFC, and we will handle the situation

81. Yes, by ‘Handle the Situation’ I do mean beat them up if needed

82. Please don’t drink tap water, only bottled water. If you need some, I have some, come to me, I have plenty and am giving it out for free

83. Stop blowing up microwaves

84. No more hammocks for anyone

85. For whoever is attempting to categorize everyone’s relationship, don’t. It’s an impossible task. I’ve tried, trust me, the entire chart just changed by the next day

86. Everyone, a midday after lunch nap time is now mandatory

87. Stop trying to murder people over Subway sandwiches, especially on hardcore servers

88. Team Rocket?

89. Whoever is a part of the newly dubbed ‘Team Rocket’, stop setting off fireworks at 3am

90. Doc, what are you doing with that bag of tropical fish?

91. I’ve seen no change in any of your hair colors, so who’s blue hair dye is staining the entirety of my bathtub?

92. Stop trying to make gambling bars, betting mass amounts of diamonds and drinking does not go well together

93. Everyone here is banned from using a whiteboard, forever and always

94. What do you mean ‘Reverse Diving’??????

95. Stop trying to feed people who are allergic to peanut butter peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

96. Stop trying to find a way to eat guardians

97. Okay, nevermind on the last one, this is actually pretty good

98. Stop scribbling over the rules you don’t like in sharpie, I will rewrite them and you will not like it even more

99. Stop calling me an ‘Old Man’

100. That’s it, I’m fully quitting from this forsaken rule board. Get some sleep for once