Archive of Our Own ^beta

Goro has done the one thing he told himself not to do.

He’s gotten attached.

No, attached was a word that could barely scratch the surface of what he was feeling, of all the emotions that were violently rushing inside of him, making him act without reason as everything constantly overpowers him like nothing else ever had before. Nothing like the constant ache, the sensation of a clawing monster inside of his chest as he focuses on his feelings, what he felt, how to process everything as he thought more and more about everything, what was going on, and what to do.

Every waking moment of his day was wasted as he thought about the same person, over and over and over, unable to let go of his thoughts, as the thought of one single person ruled his mind, whether he liked it or not. A person he now couldn’t imagine not thinking about as all of his frantic thoughts all moved back to the same source, the source he could never escape as he felt part of his powers grow yet wither as he grew more unstable, thinking of him over, and over, and over, and over, and over. How things had changed.

Goro hadn’t only gotten attached. A person that was merely attached to a person would never act like this. There’s a rather more correct way to describe it, a clinical, yet raw way that made his emotions truly rush through him as he refused to acknowledge it all. A word that explained everything as he felt everything so strongly like he was about to explode, wanting to howl out all of the feelings he felt for him.

He’s gotten obsessed.

Obsessed with Akira Kurusu.

He despises him so much that his angers takes over, making him grit his teeth as his body shakes, making him want to scream until his throat hurts and he trashes everything, yet of course he’s never allowed, having to hide all of the anger and hatred he feels as he plays a role, having to appear pristine and perfect and not break character. All as his heart pounds so quickly and his mind just screams Akira, Akira, Akira, Akira, Akira. And it never stops.

It never stops and it’s making him grow insane as he can’t get the man he’s grown to hate, or feel something for out of his mind as he’s feeling himself grow insane about all of these new feelings. He wants to hate him, he wants to hate him so badly, he does hate him, but he can’t stop thinking about him as the obsession is stronger and all he can think about is him and every time they end up close to each other, spending time together as his mind goes on haywire, overanalyzing every single moment as Goro simply knows how Akira is laughing behind his back, trying to figure him out and taunt him and tease him and throw him aside and yet he just can’t help growing attached to someone like that.

Someone that shows such weakness.

He’s intrigued by him. His heart is beating so quickly, he’s making him feel confused and sick with his stomach like he’s about to throw up and he keeps invading his head making him unable to think straight because he’s so stupid.

Stupid Akira making everything so hard. Stupid Akira played nice for no reason at all just to secretly mock him with Goro doing his best to not get attached, yet he had failed anyway. Just another one of his plans, probably, to analyze Goro and break him apart and discard him, to taunt him. Yet he’s so fascinated, he can’t stay away as the anger and curiosity rushes through him, making him want to get closer and closer. He needs to know everything about him, he needs it. Getting closer and closer, to get it, to understand it. He can’t let him go now, not now. Not ever as he’s screaming inside, nothing making sense anymore.

Why was he so attached? Why was he the only thing on his mind? What even was all of these feelings that made him want to scream as they mix together with the anger?

Nothing has ever made sense.

He's not going to lose.