everyone is collectively tired

first chapter revolves around rin and bachira (best friends they are new to the school); pov of bachira
PLEASE NOTE THAT THE TRANSLATIONS FROM OTHER LANGUAGES TO ENGLISH ARE LINKED AND UNDERLINED!! do not click on the link, it will probably take you to error 404 ao3 page, just hover your cursor over the link for a few seconds and the translation in english should pop up <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Bachira wakes up to the sound of his alarm, smacking the bedside table for his phone. He blinks open his eyes and clicks on his phones alarm, reading 'FIRST DAY AT BLUE LOCKKKK'.

✦RINNIE✦

5 31 AM

bachiraaa: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

bachiraaa: WAKE UP

✦RINNIE✦: stop

bachiraaa: WAKE UP

✦RINNIE✦: stop

bachiraaa: WAKE UP

✦RINNIE✦: stop

bachiraaa: WAKE UP

bachiraaa: OH UR UP

✦RINNIE✦: yes

✦RINNIE✦: when are you going to head out

bachiraaa: IN LIKE

bachiraaa: IDK

bachiraaa: UH

bachiraaa: HALF AN HOUR?

bachiraaa: HBU

✦RINNIE✦: same

✦RINNIE✦: meet you at the stop?

bachiraaa: OKKKK

6 04 AM

bachiraaa: WHERE R UUU

✦RINNIE✦: sorry a bit late

bachiraaa: ITS OK ITS OK

bachiraaa: OMG SO THERES THIS GUY ON OUR BUS RIGHT

bachiraaa: AND HE HAS LIKE THESE DEEP OCEAN BLUE EYES AND THEYRE SO PRETTYDJWDJWDJDKJFNENFKOJSF

bachiraaa: SOZ GONNA DITCH U IM SITTING NEXT TO HIM

✦RINNIE✦: fuck you too

bachiraaa: AW DONT BE LIKE THAT RINNIE U CAN SIT NEXT TO OTHER PEOPLE

bachiraaa: GOTTA SOCIALIZE TO NOT BE A LONER

*Read 6 09 AM*

6 27 AM

bachiraaa: RINNIE I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA

✦RINNIE✦: what

bachiraaa: OK SO U KNOW THAT GUY UR SITTING NEXT TO?

bachiraaa: WHATS HIS NUMBER

✦RINNIE✦: how would i know

bachiraaa: I THOUGHT U WERE SOCIALIZING GO GET HIS NUMBER NOW

✦RINNIE✦: its xxx-xxxxx

bachiraaa: OK WAIT

bachiraaa: RINNIE WHY DO THEY HAVE THE SAME NAME AS YOU

*Read 6 29 AM*

-----

*bachiraaa has created a groupchat*

*bachiraaa has added itorin, isagi_y, and itoshisae to the groupchat*

*bachiraaa has changed the groupchat name to 'BLUE LOCK WOOO'*

bachiraaa: OK GUYS

bachiraaa: SINCE WE ARE ALL NEW WE CANT ADD OTHER PEOPLE FROM BLUE LOCK BECAUSE WE DONT KNOW ANYONE ELSE

bachiraaa: BUT WE CAN ASK EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS BUS AND WE CAN FORM A NEW STUDENTS GC

isagi_y: i can add some people

isagi_y: i have friends who go to blue lock already

bachiraaa: WHAT

bachiraaa: OKKK

*isagi_y has added kurokuro, hiyo_, and eittttt to the groupchat*

bachiraaa: OK WAIT WHATS EVERYONES NAMES SO I CAN CHANGE THEM

hiyo_: whats this

isagi_y: gc for blue lock people

hiyo_: im hiori yo

*bachiraaa has changed bachiraaa to bachira*

kurokuro: hiii im kurona ranze

*bachiraaa has changed isagi_y to isagi*

*bachiraaa has changed itorin to rin*

itoshisae: sae

*bachiraaa has changed hiyo_ to hiori*

*bachiraaa has changed kurokuro to kurona*

*bachiraaa has changed itoshisae to sae*

bachira: @eittttt ?

isagi: its otoya

*bachiraaa has changed eittttt to otoya*

*eittttt has added tabbbbb to the groupchat*

bachira: WHOS THAT

tabbbbb: uh what

otoya: karasu

tabbbbb: ???? you never call me that whats wrong do you wanna talk about it

*bachiraaa has changed tabbbbb to karasu*

karasu: ohh i just back read

karasu: dy want me to add more people

bachira: PLEASE

*karasu has added kenyuu, oaikuo, shuuuto, and ur_fav_bbg to the groupchat*

bachira: NAMES EVERYONE PLS

ur_fav_bbg: HELLO

ur_fav_bbg: I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

karasu: stfu

isagi: uhh

oaikuo: uhhhhhh

bachira: NAMES

oaikuo: aiku

*bachiraaa has changed oaikuo to aiku*

kenyuu: im yukimiya

ur_fav_bbg: IM THE BEST PERSON YOULL EVER MEET

ur_fav_bbg: TRUSTTT

*bachiraaa has changed kenyuu to yukimiya*

aiku: shuuuto is sendou and um "ur_fav_bbg" is probably shidou

ur_fav_bbg: NO IM NOT WHATRE YOU ON ABOUT

*bachiraaa has changed shuuuto to sendou*

*bachiraaa has changed ur_fav_bbg to shidou*

bachira: OKK

bachira: IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYONE ELSE WHO GOES TO BLUE LOCK PLS ADD

isagi: chaotic

shidou: HEYYY BACHIRA RIGHT? I PERS THINK WED GET ALONG GREAT

bachira: I MEAN UR LIKE THE ONLY PERSON WHOS TYPING LIKE ME BUT IDK WHO U R

karasu: bachira idk who you are but id advise you to stay away from shidou

shidou: KARASU STOP SPREADING LIES OMG IM PERFECTLY NORMAL WDYM

yukimiya: both of you cyad omfg i cant deal with this rn its too early

*yukimiya has added nasena to the groupchat*

nasena: hii

bachira: HELLOOOOO WHATS UR NAME

nasena: its nanase, whats this for?

yukimiya: people who go to blue lock i guess

bachira: YES

*bachiraaa has changed nasena to nanase*

nanase: ohh okay

*nanase has added gaslightgatekeepgirlboss to the groupchat*

nanase: thats chigiri

*bachiraaa has changed gaslightgatekeepgirlboss to chigiri*

chigiri: this is literally my job omg

karasu: theres more people but idk if i wanna add them

yukimiya: please dont one shidou is enough

*chigiri has added hero, theking, kkiyora, tokimitsu, tetsutetsu, and kki to the groupchat*

shidou: WHAT DID I DO

chigiri: hero is kunigami theking is barou kkiyora is kiyora tokimitsu is the same tetsutetsu is zantetsu kki is niko

chigiri:💞

bachira: TY

*bachiraaa has changed hero to kunigami*

*bachiraaa has changed theking to barou*

karasu: notice how the heart is right under "hero"

*bachiraaa has changed kkiyora to kiyora*

chigiri: DSKSDAJDWDJO STFU KARASU NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR CROW LOOKING ASS GTFO NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE

*bachiraaa has changed tetsutetsu to zantetsu*

isagi: um

karasu: im being bullied

*bachiraaa has changed kki to niko*

otoya: LMAO

karasu: wtf babe youre supposed to defend me not laugh

otoya: mb

bachira: OK

bachira: WE SHOULD ALL DO INTRODUCTIONS!!!!!!!

isagi: okay

bachira: ILL START

bachira: MY NAME IS BACHIRA MEGURU AND I AM A NEW STUDENT AT BLUE LOCK WHO WILL BE JOINING TODAY AND IM 17 AND MY BSF RINNIE OVER HERE WILL INTRODUCE HIMSELF NEXT!!!!!!!!

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: WAIT SORRY GUYS HES SLEEPING LET ME WAKE HIM UP

sae: its okay i can

bachira: THX

rin: oh

rin: im rin. im 16.

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: OK LETS GO ALPHABETICAL ORDER NOW IN USERNAMES

bachira: @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss

chigiri: huh

chigiri: ohhh okk so im chigiri and i know like almost everyone in blue lock and im also 17💞

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @hero

karasu: notice how kunigami goes right after chigiri

chigiri: .

kunigami: My name is kunigami rensuke, I am also 17 and I hope to get along with the new students

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: KUNIGAMI YOU SEEM LIKE THE ONLY SANE PERSON OMG

kunigami: Lol thanks

bachira: @hiyo_

hiori: well

hiori: uhh i guess i could say im not really a fan of football but im here anyway. also im hiori yo and 17 as well

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

otoya: i feel like somethings a little wrong

bachira: ?

otoya: i mean i think my username starts with an e but yk im not so sure

bachira: OH

bachira: IM SORRY YOU CAN GO RN

otoya: its okay lmao😭

otoya: im otoya eita and im 18 and karasu is kinda stupid

karasu: wtf unprovoked

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @itoshisae

sae: im itoshi sae and im 18. rin is my brother and we are both new to the school

rin: kys

bachira: RINNIE?????

bachira: YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A BROTHER WTF

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @isagi_y

isagi: uhh

isagi: im isagi yoichi and im 17

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @kenyuu

yukimiya: im yukimiya but you can call me yuki and im 18

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @kki

niko: what

karasu: back read

niko: im niko ikki im 15 idk why im here but ok

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @kkiyora

kiyora: helloo im kiyora jin and im 16

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @kurokuro

kurona: kurona ranze,, i like sharks because theyre cute cute!! 17 btw

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @nasena

nanase: nanase and 16!!

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @oaikuo

aiku: hello im oliver aiku and im 19 i have no idea why im still here but i am

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

niko: bitch you literally just copied my introduction

aiku: no i didnt tf

bachira: @shuuuto

sendou: hi im sendou im 18 and i dont like aiku

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

aiku: wtf

bachira: @tabbbbb

karasu: heyy im karasu tabito and eita thinks im stupid (im not btw) and also im 18 + tabeita real

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

otoya: 😪

bachira: @tetsutetsu

chigiri: zantetsu you got this please i beg of you dont mess this up🙏

zantetsu: my name is zantetsu and i am 17 years of age. i look towards to seeing all the new students who are jobless.

isagi: JOBLESS?? LMFAO WHAT

chigiri: PLS HE MEANS JOINING

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @theking

barou: dont @ me

bachira: SORRY BUT PLS TYPE INTRO

chigiri: barou stop be nice for once these are new students omfg

barou: im barou and im the king of this school come my way and ill crush you.

chigiri: hes 17

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @tokimitsu

tokimitsu: hello uhm! i dont really know what to say uh i guess my name is tokimitsu?? but uh a lot of uh people call me toki so if you want to do that you can too i really dont mind sorry if im saying too much but uh im 17 and i hope we can all get along!!

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

bachira: @ur_fav_bbg

shidou: ITS FINALLY MY TIME

shidou: ANYWAYS IM SHIDOU AND IM LITERALLY THE BEST PERSON HERE YOU SHOULD ALL BECOME FRIENDS WITH ME I HAVE A HACK ON HOW TO GET FREE MONEY GUYS ITS NOT DRUG DEALING I SWEAR AND IM 18 BTW

*bachiraaa has pinned a message*

rin: you seem like someone i wanna avoid

shidou: ok rinrin🥶

rin: ew

bachira: OKKK THATS IT NOW ITS TIME TO ASK EVERYONE ON THIS BUS FOR THEIR NUMBERS ISAGI YOU GO TO THE FRONT AND ILL STAY HERE

isagi: sure

-----

Bachira walks up to a cute looking boy who was on his phone, just like me!, he thought. It wasn't too far away from his own seat, so it wouldn't be too tiring at 6 40 in the morning.

"Hey! I'm Meguru Bachira, what's your name?"

"Uh.." The boy responds. "Was? Ich bin.. oh, mir leid. Ich meinte, sorry, I don't speak much Japanese. My name is Alexis."

"IS THAT GERMAN" Bachira looks absolutely awed.

"..Ja"

"Oh my god okay what's your phone number?"

"My.. phone..?"

"Dein telefon nummer" The boy who was sitting beside Alexis spoke with his headphones on. Alexis turned to look at him.

"Oh, danke. Here." Alexis shows Bachira his phone number.

"Thank you!!"

Bachira waved and went back to his own seat.

"Tschüss"

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

6 52 AM

*bachiraaa has added alexis.n to the groupchat*

bachira: ALEXISSS THIS IS A GC FOR EVERYONE IN BLUE LOCK

isagi: damn how did you already get someones number

bachira: :P

alexis.n: Hello

bachira: WAIT IS ALEXIS UR FIRST OR LAST NAME BC I REMEMBER LEARNING THAT EUROPEANS GO BY FIRST NAMES INSTEAD

alexis.n: Ness is my last name

bachira: OH OKAY CAN WE CALL U NESS THEN BUT ITS OK IF U DONT WANT TO BE ITS JUST WHAT WE USUALLY DO HERE

alexis.n: Sure

*bachiraaa has changed alexis.n to ness*

otoya: who in the white name is alexis

bachira: WOAH CALM DOWN

chigiri: WOA WAIT WHOS WHITE WHAT

bachira: DAMN THOSE WERE ALL W WORDS

chigiri: ik im just such a w

ness: My friend wants to be in, may I add him?

bachira: IF HE GOES TO BLUE LOCK YES OFCOFC

ness: He is the one sitting beside me

bachira: PLEASE ADD YES

*alexis.n has added michael.k to the groupchat*

bachira: HIIIIIII

michael.k: hi

bachira: damn

rin: bachira did he hurt you

bachira: LMFAOOO NO IM FINE

bachira: DQwjDIOWQJIJOIJ UR SO CUTE

sae: embarrasing

rin: shut the fuck up

bachira: ANYWAYS @michael.k WHATS UR NAME

michael.k: its literally in my @

bachira: NO BUT LIKE

bachira: FULL NAME

michael.k: michael kaiser

bachira: AND IM GONNA ASSUME THAT KAISER IS YOUR LAST NAME?

michael.k: yea

*bachira has changed michael.k to kaiser*

otoya: how many more white people are there

chigiri: damn babes you read my mind

bachira: LMAOO

kaiser: whats wrong with being white

otoya: nothing nothing chill

kaiser: you dont seem so chill to me

bachira: GUYS STOP

bachira: @isagi HOW HAVE YOU NOT GOTTEN ANYONE YET ITS BEEN LIKE MINUTES

*isagi_y has added mikagereo and sei_ro to the groupchat*

isagi: CALM DOWN I HAVE PEOPLE

bachira: OMG HIIIIIIII

sei_ro: hey

aryu: is that mikagereo like @mikagereo as in THE mikage reo from mikage corp?? o m g that is actually so glam i am so honoured to be in the same groupchat as you i am like literally your biggest fan

sei_ro: uhm

mikagereo: haha thanks im flattered! glad to know that people know me here

chigiri: WHAT

chigiri: NO ARYU BACK TF OFF THIS BITCH IS MINE I AM MIKAGE REOS BIGGEST FAN WHAT RE YOU TALKING ABOUT anyways hiiiii mikage so its like so nice to meet you and im so glad that youre going to blue lock this means we actualy have a chance of sharing dorms OMG JUST THE THOUGHT OF SHARING A DORM WITH MIKAGE REO sorry ive never met a celebrity irl and im just super super super super super exicted oh did i also mention that i ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND ADORE YOU SO MUCH

mikagereo: omg thanks guys both of you but you can call me reo im good with the formalities

bachira: dam aryu u have competition

*bachiraaa has changed mikagereo to reo*

sei_ro: :x

bachira: U THERE WHATS UR NAME

sei_ro: nagi

*bachiraaa has changed sei_ro to nagi*

-Reply to otoya: nothing nothing ch..

kaiser: ok wenig hündin

otoya: what

ness: Das ist nicht nett, Mika

niko: guys dont bully white people i have a friend whos white this is not funny

kaiser: you get me

niko: i bully that friend btw

otoya: LMFAOO

bachira: WAIT WHAT FRIEND DO THEY GO TO BLUE LOCK

niko: no but he might transfer from his current school

bachira: OOOH OKK

-Reply to niko: i bully that frien..

kaiser: your friend must want to kill himself because youre in his life

bachira: WOAH THERE

niko: damn you wanna GO

kaiser: bitte💀

kaiser: alex warum du bist sehr dumm

bachira: GUYS STOPP

ness: Was??

niko: stop being a pussy and typing in german cmon

kaiser: ok you fucker its nmp yall are so discriminatory

bachira: STOP FIGHTING OR IM MUTING BOTH OF YOU

kaiser: ok

niko: 🙄

chigiri: niko stop being a brat your gonna make everyone your age look bad😣

kaiser: oh how old is he

niko: 15 but im still better than you BOTH

chigiri: WOAH I AM NOT TAKING THAT

bachira: :.$

chigiri: OH DW BACHIRA I WONT DO ANYTHING💗

chigiri: unlike those guys

niko: 😶

isagi: were here

bachira: YESSSS LETS GO

-----

Notes:

ACYA HERE🙇♀️!! WOO FIRST CHAPTER DONE!! IM PLANNING TO MAKE THIS A VERY TRES SEHR (yess i can speak both french and german WHICH IS SO GREAT FOR ME BECAUSE I WILL BE WRITING GERMAN FOR KAISER AND NESS AND FRENCH FOR CHARLES AND LOKI and i might write SOME spanish for sae) ANGSTY FIC BTW SO STAY TUNED IF YOU WANNA CRY🗣️

Chapter 2: roommates WOOO

Summary:

2nd chapter; rins pov in 3rd person

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

7 27 AM

chigiri: wait guys i just had the best idea ever

bachira: WHAT IS IT PLS SHARE

chigiri: ALL THE NEW KIDS SHOULD GET THEIR ROOMMATES WITHOUT KNOWING WHO THEY ARE LIKE HOW ABOUT NOBODY SHARES THEIR LAST NAME TO THEIR ROOMMATE IF ITS SOMEONE THEY DONT KNOW BC IK SOME OF US IN THIS GC HAVE BEEF WITH EACH OTHER ALRD

bachira: OMGGG UR SO SMART WE SHOULD DO THAT FRR

chigiri: IKR💋

chigiri: AND ITS EVEN BETTER BC NOBODY KNOWS WHO WE LOOK LIKE

hiori: honestly that does make things more interesting so sure

isagi: first names only?

bachira: YEP

chigiri: YESSS

rin: we shared first names in introductions

bachira: ITS FINE EVERYONE PROBABLY FORGOT

-----

Rin sighs and turns his phone off. He places it in his bag and gets up to leave the now parked bus. Looking out, he can see the school and how large it is in a pentagonal shape. He walks off the bus and waits at the bottom for Bachira, who was sitting in the far back.

"Yeah! And then he was like-" Bachira's voice could be heard from the inside.

"Oh, hey!"

Rin waved at him and started walking towards the school when he saw that Bachira was talking to.. Isagi, he assumed, and decided to give them time together alone.

"HEY RINNIE WHERE ARE YOU GOING" Yelling could be heard from behind him, but he kept walking. From the corner of his eye, he could see Sae walking towards the main entrance.

Ew, wouldn't want to run into him. He chose to walk towards the back entrance instead.

-----

Meg

8 46 AM

itorin: have you found your room yet

Meg: NOPE IVE BEEN SOCIALIZING UNLIKE U ALSO WHERED U GO

itorin: my room

itorin: i dont like my roommate

Meg: LMFAO UR PROBLEM DEAL WITH IT

Meg: GONNA GO FIND MY ROOM NOW BYEE

itorin: okay

*Read 8 48 AM*

-----

Rin puts his phone down on the desk and looks to see if his roommate has unpacked yet. A man is seen laying on his bed on his side of the room, glued to his phone. When he walked into the room, he hadn't bothered to say anything to Rin and had the utter audacity to roll his eyes at Rin. Rin didn't really care. It pissed him off definitely, but he went back to studying as his so-called roommate unpacks everything. When the silence grew for too long, Rin decided to speak.

"Who are you?"

"I'm tired right now-"

"Oh, sorry I forgot you already introduced yourself as a fucking bitch."

The silence between the two grew louder by the second and all that could be heard was Rin's pencil scribbling on the paper.

The man spoke up, "Listen, I'm not usually this unenergetic, but I'm tired so stop trying to pick a fight."

Rin laughed. "Pick a fight? That's awfully funny how i remember you being rude to me when you came in."

"Damn I don't really remember, but honestly I don't think I'd ever be rude to someone as beautiful as you~"

"Kill yourself"

"I just gave you a compliment-"

"So? Kill yourself"

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

8 52 AM

chigiri: OMGOMOMGGGG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO IM ROOMED UP WITH

bachira: WHAT WHO TTELL US

chigiri: MIKAGE REOJSDNJSDJEOWQDJIJDKQJKLWDJIOWJDKLQNJKLQNKDJLKLQKJWQLDJDWJQDNKJWQDNKJQWN

bachira: DAMNNNN

chigiri: IKR OMF IM SO HAPPY ISTG

reo: oh youre hyoma chigiri?

chigiri: YES IS THERE SOMEHTINGW RONG PLS SAY NO IF THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITN ME I SWERA ILL FIX IT

reo: nono everythings alright loll

chigiri: LWQWHDQWHJODJKQWMLD

otoya: hes high

bachira: WOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bachira: LETS ALL REVEAL WHO WERE ROOMMATES WITH

bachira: MY ROOMMATES FIRST NAME IS RANZE ALSO HES KINDA CUTE LIKEEE

kurona: thats mee

bachira: OMG KURONA

bachira: OKKK @everyone GUYS SPILL

shidou: my roommates emo liKE SUPE SUPEr EMO

isagi: damn couldnt be me

isagi: my roommates WORSE than emo i swear

shidou: NAH I WILL FIGHT YALL I DEF HAVE THE WORST ROOMMATE

bachira: GUYS UR SUPPOSED TO ALL GET ALONG NOT NOT LIKE EACH OTHER

rin: its impossible to not dislike my roommate

isagi: i think my roommates one of the white boys actually but we havent exchanged names yet

otoya: damn you should go talk to him

isagi: NOPE

bachira: WT WHY

isagi: nope

bachira: ????

bachira: GUYS WHATRE THE NAMES OF UR ROOMMATES PLS SPILL

rin: i dont know and i dont want to know

bachira: RINNIE CHEER UP CMON

otoya: my roommates sae hes a pretty chill person

otoya: i think we get along great tbh

bachira: WOOO

otoya: @karasu whod you get

karasu: i got aiku please save me

otoya: LMFAOO

aiku: WHATS WRONG WITH ME

bachira: NOTHING

bachira: MOVING ON

aryu: i got my super glam boy tokiii

bachira: WHO SORRY IDK NICKNAMES

aryu: tokimitsu

bachira: OO OAKYY

rin: i got his name

bachira: SPILL SPILL

rin: its ryusei

shidou: what the flip

shidou: OH SO UR THE EMOOO

rin: kys

bachira: DAMN THATS NOT

bachira: GOOD

bachira: WELL ITS OK WHATEVER

isagi: i take it back my roommates not that bad also i got his name

kaiser: wow must be fun my roommate is that bad

isagi: 😐

isagi: i change my mind again

bachira: LMFAO ARE YOU TWO ROOMMATES

isagi: yes

kaiser: unfortunately

isagi: wow

bachira: DAM

chigiri: THERES A MEETUP IN THE MAIN CAFETERIA YALL SHOULD COMEE

bachira: YESS ILL BE THERE SOON

-----

A few minutes later, Shidou exits the dorm and Rin assumes he went to the cafeteria. Finally some peace and quiet. Rin decided to get some rest, since he didnt get much sleep the night before.
It wasnt long when he was in his bed until his phone started buzzing a lot. I need that fucking group chat on silent I swear.

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

9 21 AM

shidou: I THINK I JS MET THE LOML

bachira: WHATTTTT wAIT WHO

shidou: IDK

shidou: BUT

shidou: DAMN

shidou: HE IS

shidou: STUNNING

bachira: DO U HAVE A DESC

shidou: LIKE YK THAT GUY WITH THE LIGHT SALMONISH PINK-RED HAIR AND LIKE THE TURQUOISE EYES AND LONG ASS LASHES ESP THE UNDERLASHES wait now that i think abt it he kinda reminds me of emo kid

bachira: PINK HAIR BLUE EYES IM SCANNING THE CROWD RN CANT SEE ANYONE OF THAT DESC

rin: 😐

bachira: HEYYYYY RINNIE WHY ARENT U HERE DONT TELL ME UR NOT GONNA JOIN US IN THE CAF

-----

I'm gonna kill myself..

-----

Notes:

2nd chapters DONE!! ACYA HERE AGAIN💋 i will update whenever i can so it might be like 4 chapters in a day idk LMAO

Chapter 3: francais!?😨

Summary:

3rd chapter; no pov just 3rd

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

9 26 AM

bachira: I THINK I SEE WHO UR TALKING ABT

shidou: ISNT HE JUST SO PHENOMENAL

bachira: WAIT

bachira: HE KINDA LOOKS FAMILIAR

shidou: wHAT DO YOU KNOW HIM

bachira: HE LOOKS LIKE THE GUY THAT RINNIE WAS SITTING BESIDE THIS MORNING

rin: it is morning right now

bachira: YKWIMMMMM

isagi: bachira stop running off where did you go wtf

bachira: ERM

niko: guess what yall

bachira: WHAT

niko: my friend is coming to bllk🗣️

shidou: ANOTHER 14 yro😔

niko: IM 15

bachira: CAN U ADD HIM TO THE GC

bachira: PLS

*kki has added charleschev to the groupchat*

bachira: HELLLOOOOO WHAT IS UR NAME

charleschev: HIIIIIIIIIIII IM CHARLES CHEVALIER

bachira: WAIT @everyone CAN WE AGREE THAT WE SHOULD CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME INSTEAD BECAUSE CHEVALIER IS TOO LONG FOR ME TO REMEMBER

charleschev: HAHAA WHY WOULD U CALL ME CHEVALIER ANYWAY

isagi: we use last names to address people

charleschev: THEN IM GONNA USE FIRST NAMES

niko: guys you need to tell him the opposite things of what you actually want him to do😬

isagi: what

isagi: hey charles chevalier kid you should call me by my first name

charleschev: THATS NO FUN IM GONNA CALL U BY UR LAST NAME NOW

isagi: wtf

kaiser: so he gets first name treatment and i dont😐

bachira: I HAVE A VALID REASON

niko: i call him charles anyway

bachira: SEE

kaiser: your reason isnt valid

rin: are you trying to fight right now

kaiser: bro i wasnt talking to you in the first place

kaiser: why do you care

rin: im not your 'bro' and i dont care

bachira: GUYS

bachira: STOP

bachira: OK NOBODYS ANSWERING CUZ THEY ALL TALKING IRL SO IM JUST GONNA USE CHARLES

charleschev: 👍🤧

*bachiraaa has changed charleschev to charles*

bachira: CHARLES DO U BY ANY CHANCE KNOW ANYONE ELSE COMING TO BLUE LOCK

charles: MY LEGAL GUARDIAN IS

bachira: WHAT

niko: his legal guardian is 17 btw idk how that even works

charles: ITS BC FRANCE HAS BETTER LAWS

bachira: UR FRENCH?????

charles: non HAHA

*charleschev has added julian to the groupchat*

charles: HEYY btw these people r kinda weird they call people by their last names

niko: 😶

bachira: WOW CHARLES I THOUGHT WE WERE GOOD FRIENDS

charles: wDYDNM WE ARE

julian: Bonjour

charles: ils veulent ton complet nom

julian: My name is Julian Loki

bachira: OKK LOKI IS EASY TO MEMORIZE

*bachiraaa has changed julian to loki*

loki: Salut, Sae. Je ne savais pas tu étaits ici

bachira: UM

charles: QUOI??? IL EST ICI?

sae: ah, bonjour loki

niko: yeah i dont know any french either bachira

niko: im with you lmao

bachira: 😭

isagi: huh is THAT JULIAN LOKI

loki: Yes, hi

isagi: HOW IS NOBODY ELSE FREAKING OUT WTF HES LITERALLY FAMOUS

otoya: everyones in the cafeteria and socializing but i didnt see you freaking out about sae or reo either

isagi: ok wait i get reo cause mikage corp whatever but wdym by sae

otoya: 😨..

loki: Sae is known worldwide as the prodigy midfielder, you didn't know?

isagi: holdup

kaiser: hes stupid

isagi: stfu

kaiser: no you really are stupid

niko: only time im ever agreeing with kaiser

charles: JULIAN AND I R GONNA GO PACK NOW

bachira: OKKKK

kaiser: hey yoichi i have a question

isagi: sTOP calling me yoichi also i just searched up sae and WTF I DID NOt KNOW THAT

kaiser: you know what else you should search up

isagi: 😐

kaiser: alex and mika

otoya: does he actually not know

isagi: NOT KNOW WHAT

niko: just search what he told you to

-----

"Hey, Rinnie! Why do you look like a cat that wants to kill someone LOL" Bachira laughs as Rin walks towards the cafeteria and towards him.

"I hate Shidou."

"What, but he and I just became friends!"

"That's because you're friends with everyone. I hate him."

"Ughhh you're so pessimistic" Bachira jumps on Rin's back

"What are you doing? Get off."

From afar, Sae could see Bachira clinging onto Rin like a sloth while Rin tries to pry him off. He smiles to himself, a soft one.

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

9 52 AM

isagi: .

kaiser: so what did you find

isagi: my opinion of you is not changing just because youre in BM

otoya: at least he knows now

niko: fr

isagi: i feel dumb

kaiser: you are

isagi: thank you (go fuck yourself)

kaiser: no problem (vögeln mich euch)

isagi: @alexis.n can you translate

otoya: ion think thats a good idea

ness: Um

kaiser: alex tun nicht

isagi: bro what is he saying

niko: je ne sais pas man

ness: Ok

isagi: i thought you said you didnt know any french

charles: I JUST TAUGHT HIMM

niko: ouiiiiiii

isagi: damn okay

isagi: NESS WHERE DID YOU GO PLEASE TRANSLATE

ness: Can't say, sorry

isagi: WHAT😭

isagi: @michael.k what did you do to him

kaiser: nothing

charles: BTW WE JS FINISHED PACKING WE WILL BE HERE LIKE IN 2 DAYS OR SMTH

niko: yayyyy i told ego to room us together👍

charles: WHO

niko: egos the school headmaster

niko: nobody likes him

charles: I THINK I WILL LIKE HIM THEN

isagi: idk about that ive been here for not even 6 hours and he looks mentally ill

niko: 😬

bachira: GUYS CLASSES START TOMORROW DID YALL GET UR SCHEDULES YET

isagi: not yet

chigiri: i think theyre being emailed tonight

bachira: WHAT COURSES DID U PICK

niko: chem

isagi: ew physics much better

niko: nah bro wtf is physics too complicated

chigiri: i choseeeeee

chigiri: visual arts 💞

bachira: OMG SAMEEEE

chigiri: WOO

isagi: bro chem is just like potion making what are you gonna do with that in life later on? literally nothing its so useless

bachira: @everyone WHAT COURSESSS

niko: "potion making" ok bro what about physics? its literally just talking about shit we cant even see like what is the point even

kaiser: i picked literature

isagi: thats worse than chemistry💀

bachira: nah EVERYTHING OTHER THAN VISUAL ARTS IS BORINGGGGG

chigiri: so real

-Reply to bachira: @everyone WHA..

rin: psychology

bachira: UR SO BORING

chigiri: @hero what did you choose

kunigami: Oh I went for literature

kunigami: Isagi I didn't know you were a literature hater

isagi: not you only kaiser

kaiser: wtf

otoya: i didnt pick yet

bachira: WHAT WHY

otoya: they all suck

chigiri: bae you should pick visual arts and join the club

nagi: didnt pick either

isagi: who else chose physics😭

niko: nobody bro

-Reply to nagi: didnt pick eit..

reo: you should join me in economics

nagi: tiring

isagi: okay niko i bet nobody chose chemistry because its just so shit

niko: i think for science category most people wouldve chosen bio

niko: i shouldve chose biochem tbh

ness: I picked chemistry!!

niko: isagi thats 1-0 me you

isagi: 😐

sae: so nobody here chose drama?

otoya: idk @tabbbbb

karasu: huh

karasu: i chose biology

niko: what did i say

isagi: thats ONE person

-Reply to sae: so nobody here ch..

shidou: WOw what a coincidence i just so happened to pick drama

rin: your paper isnt even filled out yet

rin: i can see it on your desk

shidou: RINRIN PLS STFU FOR 2 SECONDS

aiku: shidou shenanigans

niko: bro what even is the word shenanigans plz talk normally grandpa

aiku: im not even 20

otoya: tbf you look 60

aiku: im not opening this gc ever again

karasu: choose biology babe we can be togetherr

niko: GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY

charles: niko thats you when

*kki has muted charleschev for 5 minutes*

otoya: idk i think i might go with vis arts

chigiri: im just better

aiku: wtf how did niko do that

isagi: fr niko i thought bachira the only one with perms

bachira: em so

bachira: i mIGHTVE gave him perms BECAUSe i lost a bet

isagi: wow okay

niko: thats 2-0 isagi

isagi: wtf how does that even count

-Reply to otoya: idk i think i mi..

karasu: chigiri youre dead to me

chigiri: what did i say im just better

bachira: VISUAL ARTS IS BETTERRRR

aryu: i agree, visual arts is the most glam course to pick

bachira: U CHOSE IT TOO??

aryu: ✨

bachira: YAYY IM WITH ALL THE LONG HAIRED PPL

chigiri: long hair is just better

aryu: forreal

-----

Direct Messages

11 21 PM

bachiraaa: WELL THAT WAS ONE HECK OF A DAY

itorin: can we switch dorms for the night i dont wanna sleep here

bachiraaa: NOPE I LOVE KURONAAA

bachiraaa: ALSO I GOT MY SCHEDULE

itorin: my first block is calculus

bachiraaa: LMFAOOOO IMAGINE HAVING CALC IN THE MORNING WHAT AN L

bachiraaa: WAIT ISNT IT SUPPOSED TO BE MATH IF YOU CHOSE PSYCHOLOGY

itorin: no i requested both calculus and psychology double

bachiraaa: WHY WOULD U TORTURE YOURSELF LIKE THAT RINNIE

itorin: second and fourth are psychology

itorin: third is societies and fifth is pure science and last is literature

bachiraaa: OK WELL

bachiraaa: 1ST=SOCIETIES 2ND=VISUAL ARTS 3RD=MATHEMATICS 4TH=VISUAL ARTS 5TH=SCIENCE 6TH=LITERATURE

bachiraaa: SO WE HAVE 5TH AND 6TH TOGETHER

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: IM GONNA SLEEP NOW

itorin: goodnight

bachiraaa: GNN

*Read 11 27 PM*

Notes:

HELLO IM BACK AGAIN please ignore what i wrote in creator notes for the last chapter i dont think i can post 4 in a day lmao AT LEAST NOT RN WHEN IT HITS MARCH 18TH ILL BE POSTING LIKE 10 A DAY I SWEAR (also i love writing the different languages its so funnn) and THANK YOU FOR THE KUDOS + COMMENTS

Chapter 4: first OFFICIAL day

Summary:

its honestly just homos being homos and homos being homophobic (i love måneskin)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

2 01 AM

isagi: bro someone please kill me rn

isagi: kaisers blasting his music and i cant sleep

kaiser: then just dont sleep i need this music to help me concentrate on my work

isagi: HOW DOES THIS TYPE OF MUSIC EVEN HELP YOU FOCUS

kaiser: sthu its not a big deal im not even "blasting" it

kaiser: its not even loud at the slightest bit

isagi: its not even good

kaiser: now i will personally take offence to that

kaiser: måneskin is good deal with it

reo: tbf i have to agree with kaiser like isagi if you cant sleep because of the music then just dont sleep not that deep

isagi: wow okay

kaiser: exactly

isagi: reo wyd when first official school day is tomorrow (or today technically)

reo: hahahahaahahahahhahahahahahahhaha

reo: you dont wanna know omg

isagi: whos your roommate again

reo: chigiri

isagi: rightt

reo: barou is pissed at sei and hes keeping me up because of it

isagi: who😭

reo: nagi

isagi: ohh

isagi: but isnt nagi roomed with hiori

reo: yea but they were in the caf and they started arguing over the stupidest shit ever istg

reo: he keeps spamming me to "make nagi behave"😐

isagi: i mean fair honestly youre the only one who can do that

reo: wdym i can do that

reo: sei is his own person

isagi: dont you become one person when you date someone

reo: what

isagi: what

reo: ???

reo: huh

isagi: ?? arent you guys together

reo: no??

isagi: 😨..

isagi: wow ok

*ur_fav_bbg has sent an attachment to the groupchat*

--- The photo shows a side view of Rin laying down on a bed with his eyes closed.

isagi: uhm

isagi: thank you?

shidou: u r super super welcome for the blackmail

reo: why tf is barou spam calling me like bro just sleep😭

isagi: L

chigiri: REO TURN YOUR RINGER OFF PLEASE OMG

reo: IM SORRY ITS NOT ME ITS BAROU ISTg

-----

4 16 AM

niko: what in the flying fuck is that sound

shidou: what sound

kiyora: never thought i'd open this again

kiyora: there's a fire

shidou: why can i not hear the alarm then

niko: idk 17&18 year dorms are like very far from where i am

shidou: wait i just realized

shidou: if rin is 16 then why is he rooming with me

kiyora: em

kiyora: apparently the alarms arent working on the west side of the building

shidou: OH SO THERE ACC IS A FIRE

kiyora: what i've been saying

shidou: @everyone

isagi: wtf stop i need sleep

isagi: oh wtf

niko: east side is evacuating rn🤧

niko: anri said she was gonna go get everyone else

karasu: guys wtf nobody ever told me there was a fire

aiku: karasu stop packing your things dumbass gtfo of the building

isagi: guys kaiser is still asleep should i wake him up or leave him

otoya: sae and i are outside rn

otoya: where is everyone

kurona: omg anri gave me a heart attackk😭

bachira: I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOME1 TRYNA KILL US OR SMTH

niko: there probably is knowing that theres a fire in the building the morning right before school starts lmfao

hiori: ummm we are just starting to head out and we see reo yelling at chigiri in the hallway

nagi: id rthr die in the fire

niko: uhmmmmm ego just explained to us that there was no actual fire in the building

niko: the alarms just went off for no said reason

isagi: 😐

-----

5 38 AM

chigiri: GUYS😭🙏

reo: 😐

isagi: 😐

shidou: 😐

aryu: that was so not glam chigiri 😐

niko: 😐

karasu: i need to unpack all my stuff 😐

aiku: you problem

hiori: 😐

nagi: 😐

barou: KYS CHIGIRI

bachira: CHIGIRI ITS OK I FORGIVE U

bachira: 🤧💞

chigiri: bachiras the only real one😭🫶

kaiser: chigiri you stupid fuck how do you mess up so badly that you accidentally run into the emergency alarm while on your way to the bathroom like there are literally LIGHTS in the hallway that are ALWAYS ON no matter the time of day im super convinced rn that you were on drugs when you went out

isagi: im honestly just surprised that ego was so cruelly honest about it

chigiri: 😬

ness: It's Ok Chigiri

chigiri: why cant one white kid be as nice as the other one

ness: Insult Kaiser one more time and I'll slit your throat

chigiri: i take my words back😶

reo: next time you go out just take me with you atp so that you dont do this again

chigiri: is mikage reo asking me out??😍🥰🤩

bachira: NOT EVEN IM THAT LEVEL OF DELULU😭

nagi: reo r u asking chigiri out

reo: NOOO NO OFC NOT STOP IM NOT ASKING CHIGIRI OUT OMG

isagi: this reminds me

niko: what

isagi: at like 2 reo told me that he and nagi werent dating

reo: yeah we arent

chigiri: ..

isagi: bro that was my exact reaction

karasu: WHAT

reo: what😭

karasu: goodbye theres no way

rin: chigiri the next time i see you

chigiri: the next time you see me what

otoya: ion think you want him to continue

chigiri: OK @everyone IM SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME I SWEAR I WONT EVER DO IT AGAIN IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT

bachira: I THINK WE SHOULD ALL FORGIVE CHIGIRI

isagi: no

bachira: WELL 2 BAD BCUZ UR BEING FORCED TO

isagi: 😐

isagi: classes start in like 2.5 hours and ive gotten 2 hours of sleep so far

niko: then go sleep rn and get 4.5 hrs of sleep😐

isagi: bro thats not how it works

isagi: i need these 2.5 hours to do things

chigiri: what could you possibly be doing before school for 2.5 whole hours

isagi: its my morning routine

niko: how tf your morning routine take 2.5 hrs

isagi: im better

niko: you wake up at 5 30 everyday💀

isagi: whats wrong with that

chigiri: a lot

chigiri: isagi you need beauty sleep so you can stop looking like ripoff kageyama smh

isagi: who ??

niko: omg youre right he looks kinda like kageyama

chigiri: right right

isagi: niko you look like a 2015 emo kid who wants to look "cool" also your short asf and chigiri you look like a fucking girl you cant talk

chigiri: CALM DOWN BRO

chigiri: kageyamas acc kinda hot

chigiri: not you

-Reply to isagi: niko you look li..

niko: you're*

isagi: stfu

-----

3 31 PM

shidou: bro that was fucking torture

bachira: RIGHT OMG THANK GOD I CHOSE VISUAL ARTS ALL MY OTHER CLASSES SUCKEDDDD

shidou: LUCKY I WISH I HADNT CHOSEN DRAMA

isagi: i thought the only reason you chose drama was because sae chose drama

shidou: ISTG THE CONS OUTWEIGH THE PROS

shidou: IM DYING RN

isagi: honestly first day was pretty good

isagi: theres this guy in my physics class and hes kinda..

isagi: 😍

bachira: NEVER IN 10 YEARS WOULD IVE EXPECTED FOR ISAGI TO FALL INLOVE

isagi: STOP IM NOT

otoya: @tabbbbb @kenyuu how was day 1

karasu: FUCKING TRASH IM GONNA KMS

otoya: bro this why you dont choose bio

karasu: nah it wasnt biology it was my other classes. IM SHARING 2 BLOCKS WITH AIKU BROOO

karasu: EGO DECIDED ROOMMATES WASNT ENOUGH

otoya: LMAO

yukimiya: what an l

yukimiya: my day went perfectly fine

karasu: yuki babes you never shared what course

yukimiya: im blocking you and i chose economics

otoya: @mikagereo hows he holding up

reo: what

yukimiya: oh we were actually put as partners for an upcoming project

reo: ohh yes we were

karasu: eco isnt bad ig but we have like no blocks together

bachira: WAIT EVERYONE HAS THEIR SCHEDULES SENT IN EMAIL RIGHT

otoya: yea i think

bachira: WE SHOULD ALL SHARE THEM

ness: Wait I have a question

ness: @kki If we chose the same course then why are we in separate classes

niko: uhhh age difference

otoya: yea 15&16 are together and 17&18 are together

otoya: except for aiku bro is 19 and still here

ness: Oh Ok thank you

*bachiraaa sent an attachment to the groupchat*

--- 1st block Societies 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Mathematics 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

-----

Notes:

AAAA IM SORRY FOR POSTING LATE BUT IM HEREE!!!

Chapter 5: schedules (not a chapter)

Summary:

THIS IS JUST FOR EVERYONES SCHEDULES!! (mini chapter at the end)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

bachira

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Mathematics 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

rin

1st block Adv. Calculus (only available to 9/10/11)

2nd block Psychology 9/10

3rd block Societies 10

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Psychology 9/10

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

isagi

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Physics 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Physics 11/12

5th block Fine Arts 11

6th block Mathematics 11

kaiser

1st block Fine Arts 12

2nd block Adv. Language and Literature 11/12

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Adv. Language and Literature 11/12

5th block Mathematics 12

6th block Pure Science 12

chigiri

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Mathematics 11

kunigami

1st block Pure Science 11

2nd block Adv. Language and Literature 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Adv. Language and Literature 11/12

5th block Societies 11

6th block Mathematics 11

niko

1st block Language and Literature 9

2nd block Chemistry 9/10

3rd block Societies 9

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Chemistry 9/10

5th block Mathematics 9

6th block Fine Arts 9

charles

1st block Physical Health Education 9

2nd block N/A

3rd block Societies 9

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block N/A

5th block Mathematics 9

6th block Language and Literature 9

otoya

1st block Mathematics 12

2nd block Biology 11/12

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Biology 11/12

5th block Physical Health Education 12

6th block Language and Literature 12

karasu

1st block Fine Arts 12

2nd block Biology 11/12

3rd block Language and Literature 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Biology 11/12

5th block Mathematics 12

6th block Societies 12

yukimiya

1st block Mathematics 12

2nd block Economics 11/12

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Economics 11/12

5th block Physical Health Education 12

6th block Pure Science 12

reo

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Economics 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Economics 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Mathematics 11

nagi

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Mathematics 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

ness

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Chemistry 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Chemistry 11/12

5th block Fine Arts 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

sae

1st block Pure Science 12

2nd block Dramatic Arts 11/12

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Dramatic Arts 11/12

5th block Physical Health Education 12

6th block Language and Literature 12

aryu

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Mathematics 11

barou

1st block Pure Science 11

2nd block Physics 11/12

3rd block Mathematics 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Physics 11/12

5th block FIne Arts 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

hiori

1st block Pure Science 11

2nd block Visual Arts 11/12

3rd block Mathematics 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 11/12

5th block Societies 11

6th block Language and Literature 11

kurona

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Dramatic Arts 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Dramatic Arts 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Mathematics 11

nanase

1st block Language and Literature 10

2nd block Visual Arts 9/10

3rd block Societies 10

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Visual Arts 9/10

5th block Mathematics 10

6th block Pure Science 10

kiyora

1st block Language and Literature 10

2nd block Biology 9/10

3rd block Societies 10

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Biology 9/10

5th block Mathematics 10

6th block Physical Health Education 10

tokimitsu

1st block Pure Science 11

2nd block Language and Literature 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Language and Literature 11/12

5th block Fine Arts 11

6th block Mathematics 11

zantetsu

1st block Societies 11

2nd block Language and Literature 11/12

3rd block Physical Health Education 11

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Language and Literature 11/12

5th block Pure Science 11

6th block Mathematics 11

shidou

1st block Mathematics 12

2nd block Dramatic Arts 11/12

3rd block Language and Literature 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Dramatic Arts 11/12

5th block Physical Health Education 12

6th block Societies 12

aiku

1st block Fine Arts 12

2nd block Chemistry 11/12

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Chemistry 11/12

5th block Mathematics 12

6th block Language and Literature 12

sendou

1st block Fine Arts 12

2nd block Economics 11/12

3rd block Language and Literature 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block Economics 11/12

5th block Physical Health Education 12

6th block Societies 12

loki

1st block Adv. Calculus (only available to 9/10/11)

2nd block N/A

3rd block Societies 12

Lunch Break 9/10/11/12

4th block N/A

5th block Council Meet

6th block Pure Science 12

-----

Extra!! <3

---

bachira: YAAA RINNIE WE HAVE 2 CLASSES TGT

bachira: maybe next year ill purposefully fail so we can be in same classes LMFAO

shidou: SPEAKING OF

shidou: IVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK RINRIN

shidou: HOW ARE WE ROOMED IF UR 16 AND IM 18

bachira: LOLL LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE HE HAS HIGHER GRADE CLASSES TOO

rin: im just smarter than you

rin: thats all there is to it

-----

reo: @sei_ro i thought youd pick eco to be with me??

nagi: too tiring :x

nagi: vis arts i can sleep during

reo: alright

nagi: srry

niko: am i witnessing something

reo: no

-----

barou: I HAVE TO SHARE 2 CLASSES WITH FUCKING NAGI IM GONNA KMS

isagi: bro what yall even beef over😭

barou: STFU

isagi: 🤐

-----

karasu: @eittttt thought youd pick visual arts

karasu: change of mind?

otoya: nah i was js thinking if i didnt choose bio then thered be a chance that id have 0 classes w/ you

karasu: AWWWWH ILY BABES <3

otoya: 🥰

niko: ew

niko: pls dms is a thing

isagi: btw apparently they arent dating either just like reo and nagi

niko: 😨...

otoya: why would you think that bro

karasu: frfr we just homies

niko: bro

isagi: homies or fwb

otoya: homies😶

chigiri: erm what

chigiri: for 3 years i thought yall together

karasu: nah nah we just friends

niko: wtf is "AWHHWHH ILLYYYYSMMM BABBES <33333🥺🫶" then

karasu: is what we do as homies ikki🥺🥺🥺🫶

niko: 💀

niko: leave

isagi: my exact reaction

niko: ew id never be like you hell no

isagi: 😐

-----

hiori: how is loki part of council

niko: good question

niko: @charleschev

charles: HELLO

hiori: just @ loki💀

niko: nvm charles SORRY YOU CAN GO

charles: I CANT SLEEP ANYWYA

charles: IM BORED

niko: GO TO SLEEEEP

hiori: @julian how are you part of council arent you 17

loki: Hi

loki: Yes, I'm 17

hiori: uhm😭

loki: I have connections with the staff members at Blue Lock

niko: how😭

loki: I told you, connections

loki: Also, I am just capable of being a council member

niko: no but how connection what

hiori: damn

-----

Notes:

IM BACK AGAIN WITH THE LATE UPDATE!! ill probably be updating every 2-3 days now ik its not ideal and very slow of me but im really busy rn SORRYYY 😭

Chapter 6: bachirin arc BEGINNING

Summary:

THIS CHAPTER IS THE BEGINNING OF THE BACHIRIN ARC AAAA IM SO EXCITED
chapter 6; bachiras pov/no pov?

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-delulu mentioned!!!!!!
-a lot of swearing this chapter
-therapy/counselling mentioned!!!!
-trauma talk
-mental disorders mentioned!!!!
-mention of abuse

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The first day that Bachira had at this school, Chigiri was the first one to run up to him and ask to be friends during their first block. Soon, very quickly on the second day, they formed a friend group with Reo, Nagi, Kunigami, and Isagi.

-----

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has created a group chat*

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has named the group chat to "BESTIES💋"

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has added bachiraaa, isagi_y, hero, mikagereo, and sei_ro to the group chat*

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has changed 6 names*

chigiri: WHAT IS UPPPP

bachira: HEYYYYYY

isagi: helloooo

reo: hiiiiiiii

bachira: GUYS

bachira: DO U KNOW THE HOMEWORK WE HAD FOR SOCIETIES I FORGOR

chigiri: YESSS U JUST HAD TO READ THROUGH THE PACKAGE SHE GAVE US

isagi: didnt she also say to answer all questions on page 1

chigiri: WHAT SHE SAID THAT

reo: uhhh yes she did

chigiri: oops sorry bachira lmao

bachira: LOLL NW

chigiri: i feel bad kunigamis the only one who doesnt share 1st block societies with us😔

kunigami: Thanks but it's alright

kunigami: She gives us similar homework

isagi: trueee

chigiri: ANYWAYYYY @everyone PLEASE CONFIRM YALL ARE ONLINE I NEEDA SAY SOMETHING

bachira: YESSS IM HERE

isagi: yup

kunigami: 👍

reo: hereee

nagi: yep

chigiri: OKAYYY SO

chigiri: uhm

chigiri: SINCE MOST OF YOU ARE MY NEW FRIENDS HERE I THINK WE SHOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER

chigiri: also i just wanna ask if i can trauma dump lol cause i want you guys to be okay with it

bachira: OFCOFC WE WILL ALL BE SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS

chigiri: ok so i just wanna share something just incase something goes wrong in the future

chigiri: so my mother and my father are divorced and i have a younger half sister who is on my fathers side and i live with my mother

isagi: yup

chigiri: right right so my father is

chigiri: not

chigiri: a good person

chigiri: uhhhh like

chigiri: hes abused both my sister and i

reo: oh

isagi: uhm

chigiri: yeah so. i just wanted to tell you guys that if i ever seem like im out of it then somethings probably happening involving my father

bachira: ohhhh okay

chigiri: yeah and i hope that you guys dont tell anyone else cause its like personal stuff so

chigiri: i trust yall

reo: yeah no, of course we wont

chigiri: alr thanks just wanted to get that out😿

isagi: np! btw if you ever need to talk about anything regarding that situation we will all be here for you

chigiri: <3

-----

Direct Messages

4 46 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: heyyy this is chigiri

itorin: hi

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: okayyy just wanted to ask if you knew what our science homework was ik you skipped up a grade but im sure youre better at keeping track of these things than me lmaoo

itorin: textbook page 187 questions 1-6

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: OMGOMG THANK YOU

itorin: no problem

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: wanna be friends

itorin: sure

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yayyyy okkk

-----

Chigiri's Notes:

April 3rd, Tuesday

woop woop daily jounal time! sooo today i made uhh lets see 5 new friends!! and they were all new students who came to blue lock just two days ago. kunigami, reo, nagi, isagi, bachira, and i are in a friend group! ive already known kunigami for a long time but im so excited for this new friend group omg. so the other person i made friends with is rin. hes like kinda depressed all the time but he helped me with my science so i have no complaints lmfaooo! i hope the two of us can become closer friends tho, im already friends with like half the school soooo.. well i hope this school year goes better than the last!

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April 4th, Wednesday

omg ok so rin and i bonded SO MUCH this past day and turns out we have quite a lot in common!! ofc im still crushing on kunigami lol but thats besides the point. rin is honestly a good friend, like i was able to feel comfortable enough to share my personal life and stories with him today, although he hasnt really shared much about himself i feel like. i know he has an older brother whos a year older, OH WAIT did i mention that rin is a year younger than me?? but hes kinda smart so like we have science together, honestly i didnt even know blue lock could move people up grades lmaoo. but yea im starting to feel like rin is a friend that i can trust and that i really need lol (ps i told isagi n reo n nagi who i loved lmao) and i might tell rin today after i finish writing todays journal!! will update on the 4th day of school tomorrow! (april 5th)

-----

Direct Messages

11 03 PM

isagi_y: omg so

isagi_y: yk chigiri likes someone

bachiraaa: YA THEIR CODE NAME IS LIKE R OR SMTH

isagi_y: yess so chigiri just told me who R was omgomgomg

bachiraaa: omggg same LMAO

isagi_y: oooo okayy wait so who knows so far

bachiraaa: LIKEE REO NAGI IDK

isagi_y: OKAY SO

isagi_y: i have a plan to get chigiri and kuni together

bachiraaa: OMGGG WHAT IS IT

isagi_y: ok so like they have like idk 2 classes together so i was thinking like we could tell kuni a bunch of things about chigiri like POSITIVE things

bachiraaa: OK WAIT

bachiraaa: ERM

bachiraaa: I DIDNT KNOW R WAS KUNIGAMI????

isagi_y: WHAT YOU SAID "SAME" WHEN I SAID CHIGIRI TOLD ME

bachiraaa: WHTATT I THOUGHT U MEANT LIKE CHIGIRI TOLD U HE LIKED SOMEONE

isagi_y: OMG BACHIRA

isagi_y: PLEASE DONT TELL CHIGIRI I TOLD YOU OMG HES GONNA KILL ME

bachiraaa: OMGGGGG

bachiraaa: ITS OK ITS OK

isagi_y: AAAA I THOUGHT YOU KNEW IT WAS KUNI ALREADY 😭

bachiraaa: 😭

*Read 11 08 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

11 21 PM

bachiraaa: HEYYY

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: HIIII

bachiraaa: SO UHM

bachiraaa: I THINK U SHOULD KNOW THIS

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: YEAH?

bachiraaa: ummmm isagi told me who u love

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: oh

bachiraaa: and he told me not to tell u that he told me but i feel like he wasnt supposed to tell me so i js wanted to tell u

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ah

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: its alright

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what do i do with isagi then

bachiraaa: thats not for me to decide honestly its ur opinion that matters the most

bachiraaa: if u want to talk to him then go ahead ill just deal with him yelling at me lol

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: thanks for telling me

bachiraaa: js thought u should knoww

*Read 11 24 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

7 28 AM

bachira: HEYYYY HOWS EVERYONES MORNING GOING SO FAR

isagi: alright i guess wbu

bachira: UR NO FUN SO UNENTHUSIASTIC YOCCHAN

isagi: IM SORRY I DONT HAVE AS MUCH ENERGY AS YOU DO DAILY

bachira: LMFAO U SHOULD BE

bachira: AAAAA IM GONNA DIE I DIDNT DO MY MATH HW

isagi: lmao

isagi: you have time just do it rn

bachira: NAH ITS FINE I DONT WANT TO LOL

bachira: WHEN WILL WE BE DOING SOCCER RELATED THINGS 😭

isagi: its only the fourth day calm down lol

bachira: NOPE CANT DO

-----

Direct Messages

8 42 AM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: heyy

itorin: hi

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so uhm you remember that i told you i liked kunigami yesterday right

itorin: yes

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: right so i didnt tell bachira about it. like never

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and bachira texted me last night saying that isagi told him that i liked kunigami

itorin: oh

itorin: then go talk to isagi

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i do wanna talk to isagi abt it but i dont think bachira wants me to because he said that isagi told him to not tell me that he knows

itorin: thats not very valid

itorin: do you want my honest opinion

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah sure

itorin: it doesnt matter what meguru said about it, if you want to confront isagi then confront him

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i just feel like bachira will get mad at me because he doesnt rlly want me to tell isagi that he told me

itorin: sorry my class is starting right now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ohh okayy

*Read 8 44 AM*

-----

Direct Messages

9 10 AM

bachiraaa: HEYYY RINNIE

bachiraaa: CHIGIRI TOLD ME THAT U 2 R SUPER GOOD FRIENDS

itorin: i mean i guess

itorin: kind of

bachiraaa: YAAAA

itorin: right i was gonna ask you

bachiraaa: WHAT

itorin: why wont you let chigiri confront isagi about you know

bachiraaa: ?????

itorin: chigiri told me that you didnt want him to talk to isagi

bachiraaa: I NEVER SAID THAT??

itorin: thats what he told me

bachiraaa: ?? OK WAIT

*Read 9 12 AM*

-----

*bachiraaa created a group chat*

*bachiraaa added gaslightgatekeepgirlboss and itorin*

bachiraaa: @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss UHH IM KINDA CONFUSED RN

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ?

bachiraaa: IDK RINNIE SAID THAT U TOLD HIM I DIDNT LET U TALK TO ISAGI BUT I NEVER SAID THAT

itorin: chigiri, you told me something different than what you told meguru

itorin: could you please clarify for us because its confusing

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: sorry im in class rn

itorin: we all are what do you mean

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im busy rn sorry

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i dont really wanna talk about that rn

itorin: its a simple question though

bachiraaa: ya simple question

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: stop trying to push me into answering something i dont want to thanks

bachiraaa: erm

bachiraaa: but we js wanna figure things out and solve the problem

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: like i said stop pushing youre being really annoying rn ill talk when i want to

bachiraaa: alr

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: tbf it was honestly your fault since you told me what isagi told you in the first place

-----

12 38 PM

hiori: guysss come to caf bachira and chigiri are fighting

niko: its very

niko: interesting lmfao

shidou: WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON A FIGHT NO WAY

niko: its not a physical fight i doubt youd be interested tbh

shidou: A FIGHT IS A FIGHT

shidou: ILL BE RIGHT THERE SOMEONE PLEASE FILM LMAO

hiori: already on it lmaooo

niko: bro what is isagi doing lmfao

-----

"CHIGIRI YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME!! THE PROBLEM WON'T BE SOLVED IF YOU IGNORE ME," Bachira could be heard yelling from across the cafeteria. Chigiri could be seen walking further away from Bachira and Isagi trying to take Chigiri back towards Bachira.

Chigiri, Kunigami, Reo, Nagi, Isagi, and Bachira would usually always sit together during lunch. Everyone besides Chigiri and Isagi were sitting at the table, not knowing what happened.

"I don't want to talk about it," Chigiri yells back. "If I'm uncomfortable with talking right now then leave me alone and respect my privacy!"

A lot of chattering can be heard. Bachira feels his blood pressure rising. I'm becoming angry. That's not good.

-----

UNNAMED GROUP CHAT

3 43 PM

bachiraaa: HEYY @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss CAN U TALK NOW BCUZ CLASS OVER FOR THE DAY

itorin: yea

bachiraaa: HELLO?? @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss R U THERE

-----

Direct Messages

3 44 PM

bachiraaa: HES READING OUR MSGS

itorin: yea but hes not responding

itorin: hes ignoring us

bachiraaa: awh why tho

itorin: cause hes being stubborn and doesnt want to talk

itorin: you know how after classes end for the day i usually walk with chigiri to our dorms because theyre right beside each other right

bachiraaa: ya

itorin: yea but today i went to his locker to wait for him to pack up so we could walk but then he told me he had to go to the science lab to grab something he forgot

bachiraaa: whats wrong with that tho

itorin: i waited at his locker because i thought he was coming back so we could walk together

itorin: then isagi comes up to me and he says that i should probably go without him, and im like "what no" and isagi says that chigiri left to his dorm without me

bachiraaa: oh

itorin: so honestly im kinda pissed because i couldve been waiting at his locker for a pretty long time if isagi hadnt told me anything

itorin: hes avoiding us and hes ignoring me now

bachiraaa: i mean

bachiraaa: acc ya idk anymore

*Read 3 47 PM*

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Direct Messages

4 12 PM

itorin: can you just stop being a fucking bitch and communicate with meguru and i? we are trying to talk it out with you like civil people but youre running away from your own fucking problems. we had ONE harmless question and you are now pinning the blame onto meguru, calling him annoying, and trying to guilt trip both of us. do you really think that id come back to you apologizing for something i didnt do just because youre ignoring me? man i dont fucking know but get your shit together stop being delusional and get a therapist. but seriously just fucking stop. if you want to stop being friends with us then sure honestly go ahead but could you at the very least TELL me that we shouldnt be friends? like the fuck you just ghost me out of nowhere and no communication whatsoever, youre really fucked up in the head. dont bring your fucking trauma into the present and dont put the hurt that you have onto other people. thank you

*Read 4 17 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 18 PM

itorin: sure you arent replying so im gonna assume youre gonna block me because youre a wimp who runs away from their own problems. thats a fact by the way ive seen it happen real time

*Read 4 19 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 20 PM

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has started a voice call*

Chigiri- Hey

Kunigami- Hi, whats up?

Chigiri- Uh

Kunigami- Oh, oh my god are you crying right now? Are you Ok?

Chigiri- No

Chigiri- U-uhm

Chigiri- Rin sent me

Chigiri- A long paragraph

Chigiri- And uh

Chigiri- He said I was a, uh, a fucking delusional bitch

Kunigami- Uh

Kunigami- Can you send the full message that he sent to you?

Chigiri- Yeah

*Call has ended*

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has sent an attachment*

--- itorin: can you just stop being a fucking bitch and communicate with meguru and i? we are trying to talk it out with you like civil people but youre running away from your own fucking problems. we had ONE harmless question and you are now pinning the blame onto meguru, calling him annoying, and trying to guilt trip both of us. do you really think that id come back to you apologizing for something i didnt do just because youre ignoring me? man i dont fucking know but get your shit together stop being delusional and get a therapist. but seriously just fucking stop. if you want to stop being friends with us then sure honestly go ahead but could you at the very least TELL me that we shouldnt be friends? like the fuck you just ghost me out of nowhere and no communication whatsoever, youre really fucked up in the head. dont bring your fucking trauma into the present and dont put the hurt that you have onto other people. thank you

hero: Oh

hero: What even happened?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: does it really matter what happened

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: he sent me this

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and like

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ik im mentally unstable. i know that. but did he really have to point out my trauma. like i trusted all of my friends with that information and. yeah

hero: He could've said it in a much better way, honestly

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yes

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i cant explain how much i fucking hate him rn

hero: Is Reo with you?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: no

hero: Ok, I'm coming to your dorm

-----

Direct Messages

4 38 PM

bachiraaa: HEY R U OK? WHY R U NOT ANSWERING US IN THE GC

*Message could not be delivered*

bachiraaa: UHM??

*Message could not be delivered*

bachiraaa: oh okay

*Message could not be delivered*

-----

Direct Messages

4 39 PM

bachiraaa: i got blocked

itorin: what

bachiraaa: chigiri blocked me

itorin: oh

itorin: he probably blocked me too then

itorin: can you contact your other friends like reo to tell them what happened

bachiraaa: yeah i can but idrk i dont wanna involve people into situations

itorin: yea but we cant solve this situation if chigiri is gonna keep having us blocked and we cant talk to him

itorin: he doesnt like communication

itorin: also

bachiraaa: ?

itorin: i think i did something i shouldnt have done

bachiraaa: wdym

itorin: i wrote chigiri a really long paragraph

itorin: about how he needed to communicate

bachiraaa: oh

itorin: "can you just stop being a fucking bitch and communicate with meguru and i? we are trying to talk it out with you like civil people but youre running away from your own fucking problems. we had ONE harmless question and you are now pinning the blame onto meguru, calling him annoying, and trying to guilt trip both of us. do you really think that id come back to you apologizing for something i didnt do just because youre ignoring me? man i dont fucking know but get your shit together stop being delusional and get a therapist. but seriously just fucking stop. if you want to stop being friends with us then sure honestly go ahead but could you at the very least TELL me that we shouldnt be friends? like the fuck you just ghost me out of nowhere and no communication whatsoever, youre really fucked up in the head. dont bring your fucking trauma into the present and dont put the hurt that you have onto other people. thank you"

bachiraaa: i think

bachiraaa: you couldve worded that a lot better

itorin: i got my point through

itorin: but i mean its not like i can send an apology now because its too late

itorin: he has us blocked

bachiraaa: its okay we will figure it out

bachiraaa: ill tell reo and nagi and isagi and kunigami

itorin: add me in the group chat

bachiraaa: alrr

*Read 4 46 PM*

-----

Notes:

HELLOOOO im planning to write 3 GRAND arcs and a few smaller ones! these 3 are the bachirin (current), kaisagi, and rin + shidou (NOT A SHIP)!! IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THESE OMGGG THERES GONNA BE SO MUCH ANGST ITS GONNA BE SO FUNNN

Chapter 7: its astronomy, were two worlds apart

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Conan Gray's "Astronomy"

bachirin arc chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

4 46 PM

itorin: wait before you make the gc

bachiraaa: ya?

itorin: do you have your chat with chigiri that you can show me

bachiraaa: ya come to my dorm ill show u on my phone

bachiraaa: i feel guilty tho bcuz chigiri and i promised that we would delete our messages together on his phone and my phone but i didnt delete the ones on my phone

itorin: dont delete them we need it for evidence on your side

bachiraaa: okk

bachiraaa: also reos here with me but he doesnt know the situation yet

-----

UNNAMED GROUP CHAT

5 13 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok i just wanna say that bachiras lying

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: he told me he didnt want me to talk to isagi

itorin: thought you had us blocked

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i have you blocked i unblocked bachira

itorin: sure

itorin: so youre saying that bachira lied to me about this whole thing

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: precisely

itorin: @bachiraaa

bachiraaa: WHAT

-Reply to gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok i just wanna sa..

bachiraaa: NO?? I SAID THAT I DIDNT CARE IF U TALKED TO ISAGI OR NOT

bachiraaa: ok i just want to know why u told rin i told u not to confront isagi.

bachiraaa: also apparently ur accusing me of showing our chat to other ppl but the only person i showed was rin and its because rin is kinda involved in this and he needed to see

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: you showed other people dont lie

bachiraaa: no i didnt

bachiraaa: who did i show it was only rin

bachiraaa: name one other person

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im not telling you because unlike you i have loyalty

bachiraaa: u arent naming another person because ur making this up and u dont actually know

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: no

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: stop gaslighting

bachiraaa: WHOS GASLIGHTING???

bachiraaa: UR SAYING I SHOWED SOMEONE OUR CHATS WHEN I DIDNT

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: thats not the point

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: you didnt want me to tell isagi about how he told you i liked kunigami

bachiraaa: where did i say that

bachiraaa: find it

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: or at least you didnt wanna be apart of this

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i dont have the messages

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i deleted them because thats what we promised each other

bachiraaa: wanna look thru my phone? i have all the msgs saved

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: no

bachiraaa: why? come and find the msgs its all on my phone. ill give u my phone tmr

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: stop

bachiraaa: wdym stop like im not doing anything to u ur the one who started this conversation and how can u call me a gaslighter when ur trying to prove a point but wont tell me who i showed our chat to and wont tell me where i said what u claim

bachiraaa: like what have i done to u? since the beginning ive helped u with ur personal problems and things and ive been ur friend

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: youre just like my dad

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yk what i did with him? i left him

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bye bachira

itorin: i have a screen recording of this entire conversation by the way

-----

*bachiraaa has created a group chat*

*bachiraaa has added itorin, isagi_y, mikagereo, sei_ro to the group chat*

bachiraaa: SHOULD I ADD KUNIGAMI OR NO BCUZ I DONT THINK HE KNOWS WHO R IS

itorin: yea add him

mikagereo: ?

*bachiraaa has added hero to the group chat*

isagi_y: hellooo whats this about

bachiraaa: OK WAIT NOBODY TEXT UNTIL IM DONE EXPLAINING

itorin: im honestly surprised that chigiri would stoop so low to compare his friend to his least favourite person in his life

mikagereo: what

bachiraaa: OMG

bachiraaa: SHUSH FOR A SEC

bachiraaa: ok so

itorin: no im gonna explain

bachiraaa: RINNIE

itorin: so if chigiri tells any of you anything related to meguru and especially if its something saying that he is a bad person or something, he is lying. there has been a situation that occurred and meguru has cold hard evidence to support his side and chigiri has been acting really weird and rude

itorin: @isagi_y should know that chigiri left to his dorms without me and lying to me by saying hed grab something from the science lab, just an example of chigiri acting rude

itorin: anyway chigiri just had a chat with meguru in a group chat with just us three. needless to say, chigiri called meguru many things such as "gaslighter" and also said "youre just like my dad"

itorin: chigiri is obviously trying to use the fact that he has trauma as an excuse to act the victim in every situation and telling people that he self harms to get pity from others (information about chigiri self harming told to me by nagi)

itorin: my point is, chigiris trying to guilt trip. and its not very fun

itorin: and i just want to say, ok sure chigiri self harms. so? nobody really cares. he isnt the only one who self harms and he isnt the only one whos suicidal etc

itorin: but i know you guys dont know the full situation yet so ill explain from the start

itorin: so basically isagi told meguru who R was (and i want to say that i have my own permission to tell you guys this because it seems to me that chigiri and i arent friends anymore so whatever) and meguru, being a good friend, went to chigiri with this information and told him

itorin: and chigiri was like "ok i wanna confront isagi about this" to me

itorin: and i said "ok do it"

itorin: and chigiri said "but bachira doesnt want me to"

itorin: so then i texted meguru and i asked "why wont you let chigiri talk to isagi? chigiri told me that you said you didnt want him to confront isagi", to which he replied with "i never said that"

itorin: and now im confused, megurus confused, so meguru makes a group chat with him, chigiri, and me, and we ask chigiri why he would tell us different things because were confused

itorin: but chigiri said he didnt wanna talk and he wasnt comfortable or something. and that was the whole "fight" that the two of them had during lunch. so meguru and i wait for after school and then we ask again in the group chat. chigiri read our messages but he wouldnt respond

itorin: and i go to megurus dorm to scroll though his and chigiris chat on megurus phone so nothings edited, and he has proof that supports his side whereas chigiri doesnt (saying that bachira didnt want him to talk to isagi)

isagi_y: oh

itorin: also isagi i want you to know that yes you did something wrong by telling bachira who R was but nobody cares about that right now we are talking about chigiris wrongs so dont feel the need to apologize for it until chigiri gets better

isagi_y: yeah i was gonna say

isagi_y: the thing about telling bachira who R was was kinda an accident

bachiraaa: ya it was

itorin: what

isagi_y: like tbf bachira sent me a message talking about R and i interpretted as that bachira already knew who R was so i just brought the actual name up

bachiraaa: ya but my message meant smth else

*isagi_y has sent an attachment to the group chat*

---isagi_y: yk chigiri likes someone

bachiraaa: YA THEIR CODE NAME IS LIKE R OR SMTH

isagi_y: yess so chigiri just told me who R was omgomgomg

bachiraaa: omggg same LMAO

*isagi_y has sent an attachment to the group chat*

---bachiraaa: ERM

bachiraaa: I DIDNT KNOW R WAS KUNIGAMI????

isagi_y: WHAT YOU SAID "SAME" WHEN I SAID CHIGIRI TOLD ME

bachiraaa: WHTATT I THOUGHT U MEANT LIKE CHIGIRI TOLD U HE LIKED SOMEONE

isagi_y: OMG BACHIRA

isagi_y: PLEASE DONT TELL CHIGIRI I TOLD YOU OMG HES GONNA KILL ME

bachiraaa: OMGGGGG

bachiraaa: ITS OK ITS OK

itorin: oh

hero: I think so too

hero: Oh

bachiraaa: 😭

bachiraaa: ya and then after that convo i told chigiri bcuz i felt like he should know

isagi_y: idk im a little mad that you told chigiri especially that you didnt explain to him it was a misunderstanding between texts

isagi_y: its alr though

bachiraaa: IM SORRY I JS FELT LIKE CHIGIRI SHOULD KNOW BCUZ I KNOW ONE OF HIS SECRETS THAT HE ORIGINALLY DIDNT WANNA TELL ME😭

itorin: ok well

itorin: its just that like chigiri was (is?) my friend and i know we all want to help him get through whatever shit hes going through right now

mikagereo: yeah we do

itorin: but for now, he needs to learn how to own up to his mistakes (lying to me) and not run away from his own problems like a wimp

itorin: and i know i had wrongs in this as well

itorin: i sent chigiri "can you just stop being a fucking bitch and communicate with meguru and i? we are trying to talk it out with you like civil people but youre running away from your own fucking problems. we had ONE harmless question and you are now pinning the blame onto meguru, calling him annoying, and trying to guilt trip both of us. do you really think that id come back to you apologizing for something i didnt do just because youre ignoring me? man i dont fucking know but get your shit together stop being delusional and get a therapist. but seriously just fucking stop. if you want to stop being friends with us then sure honestly go ahead but could you at the very least TELL me that we shouldnt be friends? like the fuck you just ghost me out of nowhere and no communication whatsoever, youre really fucked up in the head. dont bring your fucking trauma into the present and dont put the hurt that you have onto other people. thank you"

itorin: and i know i probably shouldnt have sent that

itorin: but you know what? im kinda done with everyone in my life playing victim all the time

hero: Can I say something

hero: Sorry for interrupting

itorin: no its fine

hero: I feel like you should hear Chigiri's side too

itorin: i want to hear the entirety of chigiris side, yes

itorin: chigiri told me a little bit and he has lied about his side

itorin: and if chigiri wont talk to meguru and i then we cant really hear his side out

itorin: he has us blocked

itorin: its like he doesnt want to tell us his side

mikagereo: okay i thought this through and i can totally see rins point here

hero: Yeah, but maybe give him space and wait until he's ready to talk about it

hero: He yelled something like "if I'm uncomfortable with talking about it then respect that and give me space" during lunch didn't he

itorin: the problem is within whatever amount of time that he needs to cool down and stay put together, many things could happen and the situation could evolve

mikagereo: like i get that kunigami understands chigiris side and maybe the rest of us dont know the full thing about his side but theres a lot of times where i see kunigami and chigiri talking in like hushed tones in the hallways when im around and i feel like theres a lot of things that chigiri only tells kunigami about and not the rest of us. and i just feel like 'ok if you dont want me to hear your conversation then thats fine' but at least tell me whats going on because you two have these private conversations like all the time and if you arent going to involve me in the conversation then just dont talk while im there. it makes me feel kinda left out yk

mikagereo: and i just wanna say that chigiri has been telling me things he doesnt like about you guys

isagi_y: yeah same

mikagereo: like i dont wanna say that chigiri talks behind our backs to each other but he DOES

isagi_y: ive also noticed one thing: every time chigiri has a long talk with me its always about his problems

hero: Why else would he have a long talk though?

itorin: about reos problem like it shouldnt be a one sided conversation

hero: Ok, but if Reo needs to talk about his own problems then he needs to go up to Chigiri and tell him "hey I need to talk to you" or something like that

itorin: ok fair

itorin: point of this group chat though is so we can all collectively help chigiri mentally and fix this problem

itorin: unless you dont want to help him which i doubt

itorin: also megurus kinda freaking out and thinking all of you will take chigiris side so im telling you guys all of this

bachiraaa: U WERENT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT

hero: I get it if you want to help him, but calling him a bitch doesn't exactly fix the issue

itorin: ok well i can call anyone a bitch and it wont really mean anything

hero: Alright, sorry I just want to remain neutral and not take sides

sei_ro: wait so bachira and chigiri had a fight

itorin: no they didnt. they just had a talk over text with each other (and me) which was just chigiri gaslighting, lying, and insulting meguru

sei_ro: alr srry didnt read all the msgs yet

itorin: stop apologizing

itorin: do i seem mad sorry

hero: Very

itorin: my bad i dont mean to just want to clear this situation

sei_ro: srry took me like 10 mins to read everything but i do have smth to say

itorin: we want everyones opinion please talk

sei_ro: btw dont feel like im attacking anyone pls

sei_ro: but the whole kunigami being neutral doesnt rlly add up bc most of the time i feel like hes always listening to chigiri and defending him and not rlly understanding rin and bachiras side

mikagereo: yeah thats what i was thinking too

hero: No I understand Rin and Bachira's perspective, I just feel like all of our friend group is going against Chigiri and I know Chigiri can't deal with this entire situation on his own so I'm trying to defend his side as well since he kind of told me everything

hero: I'm just going to say that Chigiri called me after school and he was crying about the paragraph that Rin sent him

itorin: ah okay

itorin: ok but i have my reasons and i personally think my reasons are valid for sending that paragraph

isagi_y: tbh id like to remain neutral too since chigiri is a really good friend to me and so is bachira

sei_ro: also i feel like if chigiri rlly did gaslight anyone it kinda adds up but im not saying he is gaslighting anyone but if he is then it makes sense that hes telling kunigami and targeting him will all of this stuff and like the self harm thing because kunigami is like rlly kind and empathetic. like chigiri hasnt told anyone else in our fg his side of the story right?

hero: It makes sense but I'd like to say that maybe it's trust because I've known Chigiri for years while the rest of you came here just this year

isagi_y: true

mikagereo: i honestly agree with nagi rn and its not because weve been best friends for a long time but he has a really good point

itorin: ok i think nagi reo and i all have the same mindset on this

sei_ro: also srry kunigami if it feels like im picking on you or sth

hero: No it's alright

mikagereo: yeah like i think that nagi and i understand that chigiri likes to share these type of things with kunigami and not us

sei_ro: also i wanna make it clear that im not saying chigiris like the 'villain' here hes probably going through something

isagi_y: a lot of people are going through things that affect them mentally and the outcome of their personality isnt always their fault but like theyre not completely innocent either

itorin: it seems to me that chigiri is definitely going through something right now

itorin: thats also a reason why i want to help his mental health before it gets worse

sei_ro: i also wanted to say smth abt isagi telling bachira R but should i say it later bc were talking about chigiri rn

itorin: yea say it later because i know isagi can own up to it and apologize for it because he didnt leave this group chat when we brought it up and also isagi can talk to meguru about it

isagi_y: yeah im not gonna leave just because something i did wrong was brought up

isagi_y: thats kinda shitty, itll never get fixed if i ran away from my problem

mikagereo: yeah

itorin: thats what im fucking saying

itorin: and what chigiri is doing right now is running away from his problem

isagi_y: honestly high school drama is just so stupid like it wont even matter in later years. apologizing isnt that hard

itorin: like it started with one question that meguru and i wanted to ask him about and it escalated into "youre just like my dad"

sei_ro: ya i understand how his dad thing rlly hurts but its js low to compare someone to the person that u hate the most

itorin: yea thats what i said

itorin: and chigiri crying to kunigami about my paragraph is just solid proof that chigiri only tells kunigami these things to get kunigami to pity him

sei_ro: but like kunigami said i thnk he had a good point

sei_ro: it could just be trust

mikagereo: its just a one sided situation rn because we dont know his full side of the story

hero: Ok I'm starting to get everybody's points

hero: If you guys want I can ask Chigiri to talk to Bachira and Rin tomorrow

itorin: that would be great

itorin: thanks

isagi_y: @bachiraaa you there? anything to add

bachiraaa: no im js rlly pissed bcuz the more i think abt it the more i realize that chigiri has told me many things abt her dad like saying that hes a narcissistic asshole and mentally insane and i think abt how chigiri compared me to him and ya

isagi_y: i see

-Reply to mikagereo: like i dont wanna say..

sei_ro: i js wanna say like if chigiri acc does talk abt me behind my back then im taking offense to that bc ive done nothing to wrong him

itorin: you probably have but its chigiris fault for not talking to you about it

sei_ro: ya

hero: Ok so Chigiri has been talking about all of us to each other?

mikagereo: seems like it

itorin: no

itorin: i dont ever recall a single time where chigiri said something negative about kunigami, but the rest of you yes

isagi_y: oh what

sei_ro: i mean it honestly makes sense bc chigiri likes kunigami

itorin: like i can remember this one time last week where chigiri was telling me a bunch of stuff about isagi

mikagereo: omg yeah hes talked to me about isagi too

itorin: yea

bachiraaa: all the time to me as well

bachiraaa: but like i never really gave him my own opinion bcuz isagis a rlly good friend but i also never wanted to interrupt chigiri while hes ranting

isagi_y: im really bad arent i for him to talk about me to 3 people

itorin: no i think its his problem

itorin: because i know he talks about me to other people too

isagi_y: but i find it weird because hes talked to me about kuni once and rin said that he never said anything negative about kuni

hero: That's weird

hero: If I'm going to be completely honest, he's never told me about anything bad of any of you

mikagereo: oh

mikagereo: yeah thats weird

sei_ro: its not weird tho bc chigiri wouldnt want kunigami to know that he thinks bad of us

hero: I'm gonna talk to Chigiri about all of this tomorrow and I'll try to get him to talk to you guys too

hero: I'm confused rn

itorin: yea we all are

*Read 7 42 PM*

-----

Notes:

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION? IS THERE ANY OPINION FORMING? I WANNA KNOW LOL (tysm for readinggg <3)

Chapter 8: missing pieces of my skull

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Cavetown's "Meteor Shower"

bachirin arc chapter 3
rins pov

Notes:

based on the characters' schedules can you guys tell im an IB student lmfaooo

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

11 24 AM

bachiraaa: WHAT R WE GONNA DOOOO

bachiraaa: UGHHHHH

itorin: about what

bachiraaa: CHIGIRI IGNORING US

bachiraaa: LIKE DURING SOCIETIES BLOCK TODAY HE DIDNT EVEN LOOK AT ME

itorin: honestly if it ever comes down to it then i will not hesitate to get all his friends to leave him until he decides to communicate

bachiraaa: IDK IF THATS A RLLY GOOD IDEA RINNIE

itorin: its not morally good but kunigami said he would get chigiri to talk to us so its okay

-----

Last block, lang and lit - oh I have a test today. I'll study at lunch time then.

It was currently Rin's third block, societies, the only class that Rin had not moved up a grade in. He absolutely despises this class, so when the bell rings signalling lunch break, he was one of the first students to leave the classroom.

"Hey, Rin! Do you wanna study together for our test this afternoon?" Hiori's voice could be heard from behind him.

I mean, was already planning to anyway. "Sure."

"Okay, Ness and Nagi are as well!"

So, now I'm here. At a table with Hiori, Nagi, and Ness.

Rin doesn't exactly like studying, he just does it because there isn't really anything else to do, but when he's interrupted during his studies, he gets a little mad.

"Oh my god, what??"

"HAHAHHA I KNOW RIGHT"

He hadn't even noticed that Niko and Kurona had joined them at their table. Annoying.

"Hey," he spoke. "If you guys are going to continue talking about things that aren't related to studying then could you please move to another table."

Kurona replied first, "Oh, sorry- we won't be distracting anymore-" Hiori cut him off, "So we can't talk? It's not really a big deal and it's not like we were talking every second of the day."

Alright.. "I never said that. I said that if you were going to continue talking about non-study related things then don't or move tables."

"Ok, first of all Kurona came over here because he had questions about the math homework. How is that not study related? Secondly, we were only talking about non-study related things for like five minutes. It really isn't a big deal."

"Kurona came here to study. Ok. But you three started talking about skiing and whatever. The rest of us are trying to study without distractions because we have a test today last block and you guys are here talking about other things. It's hard for me to concentrate when you're talking about non-related topics."

"I get that we have a test this afternoon, I'm in the same class, which is also why I got us here to study for it in the first place. I already said that we weren't even talking about skiing for that long, it was just a short conversation. Honestly, stop making such a big deal about this.. like you always do."

Now I'm really fucking pissed. I'm glad tomorrow's a Saturday so I don't have to see these people.

"Hey! Rinnie!!" Rin turns his head around and finds Bachira waving to him. Great, can't even study.

"Sorry, Hiori, Nagi, Ness. I have to go."

Rin walks up to where Bachira is standing. "Is Chigiri finally agreeing to talk to us?"

"Yep! But Chigiri had one condition that Isagi had to be there"

"Alright, let's go. Where are they?"

Bachira leads them to a staircase where they find Chigiri and Isagi standing silently. "Hi," Bachira greets the two.

Isagi begins the conversation, "Okay, so. This all started because Bachira and I misunderstood each other, right?"

Bachira replies, "Yeah"

"Currently," Rin starts, "Meguru is saying that he never told Chigiri that he didnt want him to talk to Isagi, but Chigiri is saying that he did."

Chigiri adds, "Yes, exactly"

"Okay, I've offered once already to look through the text messages on my phone and I will literally get it out right now if you want me to," Bachira explains.

"Okay. Get it out then"

Bachira scrolls through his phone to find the messages. "Look, I clearly said here, 'that's not for me to decide, honestly its your opinion that matters the most'. And right after that I say 'if you want to talk to him then go ahead, I'll just deal with him yelling at me lol'. Like, what part of that message means that you can't tell Isagi I told you?"

Chigiri blinks at Bachira for a few seconds, "No, like, the thing is, you never gave me a complete yes or no. So if you don't give me a full answer then I'm going to interpret it as no to talking to Isagi."

"How?? How do you interpret that as a no??"

Rin interrupts, "Okay, I don't get why me or Isagi needs to be here. So basically what I'm getting is that this whole thing is just misinterpretation and miscommunication."

Bachira responds first. "No it literally isn't misinterpretation. How does someone misinterpret that message that was VERY CLEARLY a yes into a no??"

"Listen Meguru, we are like 16, 17. We're still in high school, okay? Nobody really cares, everyone makes stupid mistakes and do stupid things. We just need to own up to them."

"It isn't a mistake if its just pure stupidity."

Chigiri turns around, "I'm leaving"

Rin speaks up, "Okay, so we're just going to like never talk about this?"

The response to that was "I hope so."

Isagi turns to Rin, "I mean honestly, if he wants to just put this all in the past then that's all we can really do."

"That's so dumb." Bachira replies.

"I agree with Meguru. It's dumb. Also, if we leave this in the past and not get it fixed then it's bound to happen again"

Isagi defends his statement, "Yes, but since Chigiri needs to communicate in order for this to be resolved, then if Chigiri isn't willing to, the situation will never be solved. Also I have no idea why Chigiri wanted me here."

"Maybe because you're kinda involved?" Bachira suggests. "But I also feel like we're being too pushy."

"If we aren't pushy then Chigiri will never talk." Rin responds.

"Well honestly, I'm kinda done. I don't wanna wait for Chigiri to come to us and have Chigiri control these things. If Chigiri doesn't want the situation to be solved then I guess we will just never be friends again."

-----

Direct Messages

6 21 PM

ur_fav_bbg: HEYY RINRIN WHATS UR FAV COLOUR

itorin: why

ur_fav_bbg: DO I NEED A REASON?

ur_fav_bbg: JUST CURIOUS

itorin: you asked a very useless question so therefore i am not answering

ur_fav_bbg: damn okay

ur_fav_bbg: no wonder people say ur hard to talk to

ur_fav_bbg: ykw im not dealing with this anymore

itorin: wdym

*Message could not be delivered*

itorin: ok block me then

*Message could not be delivered*

-----

Notes:

AAAAAA CHAPTER 4 FOR THIS ARC IS MY FAVOURITE SO FAR I HAVE IT WRITTEN OUT AS A DRAFT AND IT WILL BE POSTED SOON!!!! IM SORRY FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER BUT I HAD TO SAVE THE NEXT PLOT TEXT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! also id really appreciate it if you, readers, commented about what your own personal opinion is about the whole chigiri/bachira/rin/isagi situation (which some people have already done)!! THANK YOU FOR READING ILYA <3

Chapter 9: its still hard to find reasons to stay alive

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from girl in red's "i'll die anyway."

bachirin arc chapter 4

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNINGS!
-mention of suicide/suicidal thoughts
-erm just really depressing shit
-mention of underage drinking
-mention of mental disorders
-mention of self harm
-mention of other illegal activities (underage gambling)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

1 28 AM

itorin: are you busy right now

bachiraaa: NOPE ILL ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR YOU!!

itorin: why

bachiraaa: BCUZ

bachiraaa: U R RIN

itorin: can you help me

bachiraaa: OFC WITH WHAT

itorin: idk

bachiraaa: u never use acronyms whats up

itorin: im anicking

bachiraaa: what why are u ok

itorin: so theres this thing that happened last year

bachiraaa: are u ok

itorin: i had a friend i never told you about this before but i had a friend and this friend was really important to me

itorin: he would listen to me every time i talked and he would help me go through my problems

bachiraaa: RIN

bachiraaa: UR NOT TALKING TO ME

bachiraaa: WHAT HAPPENED R U OK

itorin: and last year sometimes id have thoughts about suicide right so id tell him and hed help me get though it

itorin: and i owe him a lot

bachiraaa: PLS TALK TO ME RIN

itorin: i am

itorin: so i tell him everything about me but then i realize later on that he never really told me anything about himself

itorin: last year he hung himself

itorin: and its my fault

bachiraaa: WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP JUST NOW

itorin: listen the day he died was april 16th

itorin: and today is april 15th a year later

itorin: and i feel like

itorin: everything is happening all over again

itorin: and iim panicking

itorin: i was being a bad friend because i wouldnt listen to his problems

bachiraaa: why do you think its happening all over again

itorin: i feel like ive been put back in that time

itorin: except the roles are reversed

bachiraaa: stop

bachiraaa: whatever ur thinking

bachiraaa: stop thinking abt it

itorin: why

itorin: nobody wants me here

itorin: i bring nothing but negativity

bachiraaa: wtf are u talking abt

bachiraaa: what the actual fuck are u talking abt

bachiraaa: wdym no one wants u here

bachiraaa: i do

bachiraaa: yocchan does

bachiraaa: hell even sae does idk what history u guys have but he does

itorin: i dont care if it was shidou who said it but he said im hard to talk to

bachiraaa: why the fuck are you putting him in ur mind

bachiraaa: look shidou is my friend but if u dont like him then stop thinking abt what he says

itorin: hiori absolutely hates me because he said i make everything more complicated than it is

bachiraaa: WHEN DID HE SAY THAT

itorin: kaiser and i cant agree on anything because were just so different

bachiraaa: ok what does that even have to do with any of this

-Reply to bachiraaa: WHEN DID HE SAY..

itorin: friday april 13th

bachiraaa: for what reason

itorin: because i was trying to study for the literature test i had that day last block

itorin: and hiori and niko and kurona were at our table with ness and nagi and i was originally studying with hiori ness and nagi but then niko and kurona came to our table and they started talking about things that werent related to the test or studies so i told them to go to another table

bachiraaa: ok but that doesnt mean they hate u

itorin: no but hiori started a fight with me and he said that they werent doing anything wrong which i realize now but back then i was only focused on studying so i made the situation worse and then he said that i always make things more complicated than they are

bachiraaa: ok first of all

bachiraaa: u dont

bachiraaa: second of all

bachiraaa: idc if it was shidou who said it or whatever hes in ur mind and u need to get him out of ur mind

bachiraaa: third of all

bachiraaa: idk why u think ppl dont want u here

bachiraaa: u and i both know that isnt true

itorin: ok but chigiri hates me because of the paragraph i sent to him and ik i shouldnt have sent it in the first place but i never apologized

itorin: like the more i think about it the more i realize that i said fucked up things and that chigiri has the full right to hate me

itorin: and its not like i havent done this before. ive runed my own friendships with others because i send them paragraphs like that

itorin: and my family is so stupid like i wouldnt even call them family if we werent related by blood

itorin: and ik im not a good person because look at what im doing rn. like im sorry for taking the time out of your day for whatever this is

-Reply to itorin: ok but chigiri hate..

bachiraaa: ok u were in the moment and u were saying it to protect me. im not saying u shouldve done that for me im saying its not ur fault

itorin: but it is my fault

itorin: it was my actions that i chose to do

bachiraaa: listen rin if ur hung up abt the chigiri thing im sure itll get solved soon

bachiraaa: ik our last talk didnt go very well but we can always try again until its fixed

itorin: no the chigiri situation is the least of my concerns right now

itorin: i have physically attacked sae before. like ive thrown devices at his back and hes gotten bruises from that before and everytime he fights with my parents if because of me. he always says that im taking away my parents love but to me it doesnt even seem like they love me

itorin: like weve had family counselling before but it was just stupid and nothing worked

itorin: like i go to otoyas dorm for a visit because nagis there too and we were hanging out and they said theyd feed me food because ive been starving myself for like what 5 months now and i see saes side of the room and it looks like a fucking mental hospital because he has his pills spilled over the drawer

itorin: because yes he has disorders and whatever shit idfk

bachiraaa: im glad ur eating today

bachiraaa: listen. ppl do care abt u and ppl do love u rin, and as much as u support the fact that ur more psychologically advanced than me (which is true) i will stand by one fact and that fact is that ur blind to see who acc cares for u

itorin: no you listen

itorin: humans are just retarded as fuck

itorin: i dont care if they care about me or love me. it doesnt change the fact that im not a good person

itorin: like if they love me then okay they love me, but if i dont love them them then why would i care about the fact that they love me

bachiraaa: why wouldnt you love them

itorin: because humans arent lovable, theres just too many flaws

itorin: like i tried being straight for my parents becaus etheyre homophobic

itorin: humans are just fucked up

itorin: i see myself as a murderer

itorin: the reason why my friend killed himself is because i wouldnt help him with his problems and i kept trauma dumping onto him. he ended his own life because i couldnt see that he was hurting

itorin: ive already fucked up everything in my life. i got an 81 on my first calc test

bachiraaa: ok listen up

bachiraaa: ik ur academically inclined ok? but an 81 is just a number. it doesnt mean shit and u need to understand that

bachiraaa: u couldve gotten a 20. but so what? SO WHAT?

itorin: it means im stupid

itorin: but its not just academics like many other things too

itorin: i need help

itorin: like i seriously need help

itorin: part of me doesnt want to die in two days and thats why im asking you to help me

bachiraaa: listen i want to help u

bachiraaa: i really do

bachiraaa: but i cant because the only way for u to get better is for u to help urself

itorin: but i cant help myself because im physically and mentally incapable of doing so. like the reason why i need help from you or fomr anyone oelse is because i cannot stop myself from having the urge to kms. like i know i need therapy and whatever shit but i cant get that ebcause i need parental permission and my parents dont think anythings wrong with me. like im ithe reasopn why my family is messed up. ive been thinking like if they only fight about me then im obviously a problem. and i remember there wa this one ttime like 8 years back where my mother found me crying in the washroom and i was using up all the paper an she didnt even care abou the fac taht i was crying like she starte dyelling at me for using up all the paper insead of asking me if im okay. so then i start crying MORE because FUCKING LOVE ME IM YOUR FUCKING CHILD and then omg news breaks she gets even angrier and then i stand there looking at her with tears in my eyes and after a while my head goes numb because shes yelling in my ear and then i pass out. when i wake up again, i hear her exact words "does it feel good"? and from that moment on i have never believed that either of myy parents have ever loved me. and i also started thinking if nobody who shared my blood loved me then why would anybody else?

itorin: i was such a fucked up child and i still am. like i dont even know how it started but my suicidal thoughts started when i was like 11 or 12 and whats worse is i started to fucking drink at 13

itorin: and im not gonna get into great detail about what happened with my brother unles you want me to. i recall telling you i was an only child and that i never told you i had any siblings. thats because i dont see him as a brother at all because hes jus so fucking mentally ill and hes done so much to me and i think hes mostly the reason i want to kms

itorin: like there was this one time 7 or so years back where i bleached my hair and sae helped me with it and it fucking hurt because he put the bleach on my scalp and he never told me it was gonna sting that bad. so then he tells me to wait 20 mins after he applied the bleach on and so i sit down on the bathroom floor and i feel like fainting because goddamn my head fucking hurts. so i pass out and when i wake up all he said to me was "get up" and he didn even bother calling my parents to help or anything and i remember thinking to myself "maybe its my fault because he hates me for something that ive done"

itorin: but when i keep and kept thinking about it i start to realize that he never hated me. he just hated my parentts because they would always pay attention to me and not him. and i dont understand why he needed to harm ME for it like i did fucking nothing wrong and hes coming at ME for being "like this"

itorin: and you might think that this isnt a big issue, like sure. yea. but its not just this one time there were many things that happened and there was this time where i was like 10 and it was winter and there was snow outside and my room didnt have a lock on it so anyone outside could just walk in so sae came into my room and he had snow in his hands. keep in mind this was at midnight and i was 10 i was sleeping i didnt notice him walk in. so then he hold this chunk of snow whcih was practically ice and he holds it on my face blocking both my nose and my mouth and im pretty sure i woke up to feeling my face being numb and there was snow on my chest and i was super confused but then i felt that i couldnt breathe. and i opened my eyes more and i saw him running out of my room

itorin: but like its not even just that

itorin: three years ago i went to vegas for vacation and my mother went with the two of us, and i kinda forgot how it happened but sae was being really fucking annoying because i didnt wanna do something but he kept trying to force me to do it so i threw my bag of chips at him and he grabbed my hair and then i obviously didnt wanna fight so i left our hotel room and went down to the lobby. a while later my mother comes down with him and it seems like shes taken his side because whatever and i said i was going abck up because i didnt wanna be near sae so i walk in this elevator and i told sae to stay away from me because i was uncomfortable and i clearly remember that this bitch decides to stop the elevator door from closing and walk in

itorin: and before this happened during vegas, sae was such a horrible influence on me like he was 15 at the time and he dragged me to a fucking casino and i mean yeah we won 52 usd but now that i think about it it was so fucking dumb and we even got kicked out for being underage

itorin: and even after all of that happened and we went back to japan he expected me to apologize for throwing my bag of chips at him

itorin: so yea, hes mentally insane and he knows that himself. i blame it on bad parenting. since i was 9 i just forced myyself to never cry infropnt of others because it doesnt help anything all it does is make things worse

itorin: and because this i have to cry every night into a pillow because ive restrained myself from crying outside of my comfort spots and then that takes away my sleep so im constantly sleep deprived and its not like my insomnia helps

itorin: so im in the middle of all of this family drama. which also means im the problem here. for the past 2 years ive just been thinking that my family would be better if i wasnt here. like look at where all of their arguments start from. me.

itorin: like ik im telling you all of this but i also know that the moment i show hostility or do some fucked up shit that im not even aware of towards you then youll just drop me anyway because thats happened in the past before. so please just leave me before you break me and before i hurt you

bachiraaa: first off, for therapy, there are places that help minors and wont reveal any information to anyone. there are places that keep things anonymous

itorin: but then again its trust. i dont trust those people with my information

bachiraaa: secondly, ur brother has hatred for u because of ur parents. u r right to blame bad parenting, but that also means that ur brother doesnt hate u. ive talked to sae few times and hes not a bad person

itorin: ive had to call the police twice to my house because of him before

bachiraaa: u say ur parents dont give a shit abt u but why would sae think the opposite?

itorin: because they give me more attention than him

bachiraaa: SO THEY FUCKING CARE ABOUT U

itorin: like i said before it doesnt matter if they actually care abt me or not

bachiraaa: look idk if i can help u change ur mindset but if it comes down to it then i will not hesitate to call the police on april 16th

itorin: no

itorin: stop

bachiraaa: i said if it comes down to it

itorin: why cant you just let me die

bachiraaa: because u told me during this convo that part of u wants to live and thats the whole reason u asked me for help in the first place

itorin: but im causing you trouble

itorin: why

itorin: why are you so persistent on helping me

bachiraaa: rin

bachiraaa: i honestly thought ive made this super clear to u for the past few years that weve known each other

-Reply to itorin: why are you so..

bachiraaa: because i love you along with every other person that you deny they dont such as sae

bachiraaa: accept the fact that there are things ahead of u

bachiraaa: future is a word for a reason

itorin: but my mindset wont change

bachiraaa: it wont change from ME

bachiraaa: ive been saying that the only person who can change ur mindset is u

itorin: but i cant

itorin: the key word here is want

itorin: and want cannot be controlled

itorin: i cant control the fact that i want to die

bachiraaa: then do me a favour and suppress that want

bachiraaa: do me a favour and live

bachiraaa: if you cant live for urself then just for now at least live for me. we can figure out how u can live for urself after u live

bachiraaa: can u do that?

bachiraaa: please?

itorin: i can try

bachiraaa: thank u

bachiraaa: and i love u so much

bachiraaa: pls remember that

itorin: im going to take a break

bachiraaa: ok

bachiraaa: take as long as u need to

bachiraaa: r u coming to classes tmr

itorin: no

bachiraaa: ok ill tell ur teachers that ur sick

itorin: okay

-----

Notes:

hello, acya here! now here is some AUTHOR INFORMATION TIME!! YAY
(NO NAMES WILL BE USED FOR ANYONE TO KEEP ANONYMITY)
honestly i think many people can figure it out but in these type of chatfics, the ideas on the story plot usually come from the author. and i dont really mean the author thinks of a plot, but how the author bases the plot off of their own life or stories of other peoples lives around them. thank you for reading and i thank everyone who has commented their own opinions about the chigiri situation.

Chapter 10: im tired of breathing empty air

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Baby Bugs' "Bandaids"

bachirin arc chapter 5

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNINGS!
-mention of suicidal person
-mention of self harm

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

April 15th

3 18 AM

bachiraaa: ik ur taking a break but i have a question to ask

bachiraaa: u can answer when ur back

-----

6 49 AM

bachiraa: gmm

bachiraa: i know u dont want to talk to me, and u have a full right to do so. if u see this, im just letting u know that im here for u no matter what happens like even if you stab me in the chest i wont treat u differently, i know its not u, and im free to talk whenever

-----

April 16th

9 06 AM

bachiraaa: hiii how r u

bachiraaa: u dont have to respond but as long as u see this ill be satisfied

bachiraaa: just wanna say that u arent alone in this, ill always be here

bachiraaa: just know that im here if u want to talk about anything at all but ill keep sending you msgs and as i said u dont have to respond but as long as u see

-----

11 47 PM

itorin: ok i wanna talk

itorin: what was the science homework

itorin: ive been failing

bachiraaa: basically by tmr u have to finish 8 to 10 questions for ur topic and then find 4 main ones

itorin: im gonna apologize to chigiri about the paragraph i sent him

bachiraaa: alright

bachiraaa: i think you should know something before that

bachiraaa: so i was talking to the rest of my friend group and apparently chigiri told isagi and kunigami that his whole "self harm thing" was just a test to see if his friends were trustworthy and chigiri thinks that i spread a rumour about him doing self harm

itorin: so he doesnt self harm

itorin: or he does

bachiraaa: we dont know for sure but hes saying it was a test

itorin: thats fucked up

bachiraaa: also i didnt spread any rumour or whatever so idk where he got that from either

itorin: i dont know anymore

bachiraaa: wdym

itorin: i was planning to apologize and be a better person but i feel like now theres no point in being a better person to someone who isnt a good person

itorin: as a person who has done acts of self harm before, using it as an excuse to "test your friends" is really low in my opinion

bachiraaa: oh

bachiraaa: i never rlly looked at it that way

itorin: like if he lied about self harm then its just fucked up

itorin: when he first told me i was genuinely worried

bachiraaa: well u dont have to say sorry for the paragraph if u dont want to

bachiraaa: at least i think u should do it when ur ok with it bcuz rn ik ur still not in a very good headspace

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: but ya nagi is agreeing with u rn he said in our gc "if and im saying IF hes lying abt self harm thats rlly messed up even if its for a "friendship test" bc you cant be using an actual serious matter that has a horrific impact on dozens of humans in the world who have acc performed self harm on themselves"

itorin: yea what i mean

itorin: and even if i didnt do self harm my mindset would still be the same

itorin: what chigiri is doing is still low

itorin: anyway i think im ok

bachiraaa: thats good to hear

bachiraaa: but i dont rlly trust u bcuz the day isnt over yet

itorin: im gonna sleep

bachiraaa: im gonna watch u sleep

bachiraaa: im telling shidou to go somewhere else for the night

bachiraaa: ok?

bachiraaa: ok im coming over

*Read 11 53 PM*

-----

FG GC BUT NO CHIGIRI??

7 22 AM

bachiraaa: IM GONNA ADD RINNIE

isagi_y: okay

*bachiraaa has added itorin to the group chat*

mikagereo: okay so i js wanna say

mikagereo: i think rin should apologize to chigiri for the paragraph, i think isagi should apologize to chigiri for accidentally telling bachira who R was, i think bachira should apologize to isagi for telling chigiri that isagi told him and in a way that chigiri didnt know it was a misunderstanding between isagi and bachira, i think chigiri should apologize for ignoring all of us

hero: I forgot to say, but I was with Chigiri yesterday and I opened this group chat and he started to accuse us of leaving him out because we're all in a friend group together

bachiraaa: ?? BUT HE DOESNT WANNA TALK TO ME SO I DIDNT ADD HIM BCUZ I THOUGHT HE DIDNT WANNA SPEAK TO ME LIKE AT ALL

-Reply to mikagereo: i think rin should..

itorin: in just us two situation he did not apologize to me because he doesnt know what hes done to me (self harm test). he only knows what hes done to meguru because i never talked to him about just us two. so heres the thing, im a petty person and i will not apologize for the paragraph i sent until chigiri apologizes to both me and meguru

mikagereo: then talk to him and tell him to apologize

itorin: i cant because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me nor meguru and if i tell him to apologize then hed only get angrier at us

isagi_y: ok so i dont think im supposed to tell you guys this but i feel like i have to because if we keep keeping secrets from each other especially in this situation then nothings gonna get solved

isagi_y: basically one day at lunch, chigiri told me that it wasnt actually a test, like the telling his friends that hes suicidal and whatever. he said it wasnt actually a test. but like apparently bachira told a bunch of people that chigiri did self harm and started spreading a bunch of rumours about it, so he just like freaked out and said that it was a test

isagi_y: and like idrk why? i think thats kinda on him

isagi_y: someone needs to tell him to like come clean because i understand why rin and nagi are mad about this

bachiraaa: OK FIRST OF ALL

bachiraaa: i didnt tell anyone anything

isagi_y: btw this is not like my opinion just what chigiri told me but chigiri said that the reason why he doesnt understand why rin is mad at him is because he only responded to what you and bachira said, like what he did was in retaliation

itorin: everything that hes done was in retaliation? no. the fuck? everything that IVE ever done to HIM was in retaliation to things that HE did

itorin: first of all i thought that he had been lying about this stuff with an excuse for a test on his friends, and now youre telling me that he panicked at that moment, which is why he started saying it was a test?

isagi_y: yea he said that its because he didnt want everyone to think he was a suicidal person

hero: By the way, I was talking to Chigiri about this whole thing and I told him that like, if I was in his shoes, I would personally apologize to Bachira and Rin, and he didn't say anything about not wanting to talk to you guys, so I'm pretty sure he's open to talking about it

bachiraaa: ?????????

bachiraaa: ok but for me, i thought that chigiri made it clear he didnt wanna talk to us

bachiraaa: cuz like he said he wasnt comfortable with it or smth

itorin: yea

itorin: and when we talked the last time it was like he never wanted to see us ever again

isagi_y: also chigiri said hed apologize soon

itorin: but heres the thing

itorin: i dont know when "soon" is

itorin: it can be a few weeks or a few days

hero: Well

bachiraaa: its rlly awkward for me and chigiri when we sit together at lunch

bachiraaa: so i just hope its fixed soon

itorin: i think chigiri and i just arent compatible as friends

itorin: even if this situation gets resolved, its bound to happen again if none of us change

itorin: and im not saying chigiri should change himself for other people, im saying the two of us just cant be friends

bachiraaa: thats reasonable

bachiraaa: like honestly i get that chigiri might not be ready to talk bcuz its stressful for him, but it also rlly stressful for me. if the situation remains for such a long time without getting solved just because chigiri isnt talking, i feel like its never gonna get solved and it stresses me out and its not like chigiris stress outweighs the stress that i get/have

bachiraaa: and its the same thing with want

bachiraaa: i want to talk and chigiri doesnt want to talk. like i know kunigami has been saying that chigiri doesnt wnana talk so wait until he does but like i DO want to talk so i feel rlly down when what chigiri wants is valued more than what i want. i just feel like its not rlly fair.

mikagereo: i think thats very valid

mikagereo: but the thing here is that none of us can do anything about it

mikagereo: currently, chigiri is the one who controls when we get to talk and when we dont

itorin: yea exactly, and i absolutely despise that

bachiraaa: i dont like it either bcuz why does he get to have a say in that and we dont? chigiri, rin, isagi, and me, are all kinda equally involved

isagi_y: bachira and rins hatred for chigiri is kinda valid

isagi_y: but as rin and i said before, chigiri is probably going through something that we cant do anything about thats affecting his behaviour

itorin: again, it doenst give him an excuse for ignoring us out of nowhere

mikagereo: listen rin ik youre still pissed that chigiri lied to you and went to his dorm without you but i think you should open up your view a bit

itorin: what view is there to open up if its just a bunch of lies

itorin: like originally chigiri lied about doing self harm and now hes lying about lying about doing self harm

itorin: we cant even tell whats true now

itorin: what if thats also a lie?

isagi_y: honestly i dont think this ones a lie because when he told me, he was being like really detailed about why he made the test thing up on the spot

bachiraaa: idek anymore i dont wanna deal with this

bachiraaa: like its kinda affecting my studies too because of all the stress and thinking i have to do

itorin: thats a problem then

mikagereo: this whole thing is a problem

mikagereo: its a really stupid problem

hero: I think it would've already been solved if not for all of the things that a small issue escalated into

isagi_y: yeah

-----

Notes:

IM SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTER OMG PLS IGNORE WHAT I WROTE ON CHAPTER 3 END NOTES I DONT THINK I CAN POST 10 CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY LMFAOOO

Chapter 11: you dont know fuck about my family

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from MARINA's "Seventeen"

bachirin arc chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

7 51 AM

ur_fav_bbg: CAN I HAVE MY ROOM BACK PLS I NEED TO GET MY STUFF FOR TODAYS CLASSES

ur_fav_bbg: KARASU KICKED ME OUT OF HIS DORM

bachiraaa: YA U CAN GET UR STUFF

bachiraaa: BTW DONT BOTHER RINNIE HES GONNA STAY IN HIS BED

bachiraaa: wait NVM SORRY HE SAID I SHOULD BRING UR STUFF TO U INSTEAD

ur_fav_bbg: BRO HES KICKING ME OUT OF MY OWN DORM

ur_fav_bbg: I NEED MY MATH LIT AND SOCIETIES BINDERS AND MY SCRIPT FOR DRAMA

bachiraaa: THERES LIKE 6 BINDERS

ur_fav_bbg: JUST BRING ALL

bachiraaa: OKK

ur_fav_bbg: IM OUTSIDE

-----

"I'm tired." Rin complains.

"Get some rest. Go sleep, stop thinking," Bachira replies.

"I don't want to deal with the whole Chigiri thing. It's just so stupid at this point."

"Ok, you know what? I'll deal with it myself then. You focus on getting better mentally. I gotta go give Shidou his papers and shit."

"No. I don't want you to deal with that by yourself when I am heavily involved."

Bachira sighs, "Stop worrying about it."

"I can't do that. I have things to apologize for.. kind of."

"Like I said before, apologize when you're in a better headspace."

"Why are you still here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you have classes to attend?"

"You really think I'm gonna let you be in here alone for like 8 hours? Not happening."

Rin blinks for a few seconds before responding, "I'm still pissed at Chigiri. I don't really want to apologize to him."

"Listen, you can be as petty as you want but you and I both know damn well that this isn't going to fix anything in the situation."

"I'd rather feel satisfied than fix whatever this is."

"Okay, wait."

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

8 13 AM

bachira: @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss would u be comfortable with talking about the whole situation again for the entirety of lunch break tmr or not

otoya: yo i smell drama

bachira: otoya can u @ chigiri and tell him to click on "see blocked message" or whatever it says

otoya: erm

yukimiya: otoya stop looking at your phone istg youre gonna get that thing taken away for the 10th time this class

otoya: ya @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss bachira wants you to click on "see blocked message" or whatever it says

yukimiya: turn your damn phone off

otoya: sorry bachira hes not responding

yukimiya: bro im gonna kms

otoya: NOOO YUKI IM SORRY IT WAS A JOKE

bachira: okkk thx

bachira: hes probably in class rn anyway but hell see it after

-----

3 27 PM

niko: is it bad to procrastinate

otoya: i do it all the time its ok bro

niko: 🫡

-Reply to bachira: @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss would u..

chigiri: i dont really want to talk about it

niko: woah wtf did i miss

otoya: what i was saying fr

bachira: @kki @eittttt stop asking please

bachira: it doesnt involve you and it shouldnt

otoya: mb

niko: make a diff gc bruh we dont want your drama here please

bachira: sorry this was the only place i could talk to chigiri

isagi: omg i get on for 2 minutes and this happens

isagi: dumbasses

niko: ?????????

-----

*isagi_y has created a group chat*

*isagi_y has added bachiraaa, gaslightgatekeepgirlboss, and itorin to the group chat*

*isagi_y has named the group chat to "SOLVE THIS PLEASE"*

isagi_y: how about instead of getting almost everyone in blue lock to view this topic and making it spread more

isagi_y: we talk about it in a group chat where its private

bachiraaa: smartest fr

bachiraaa: def not like i havent been trying to talk about it privately

isagi_y: sorry

itorin: chigiri clearly stated he didnt want to talk about it

itorin: we need to respect that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: look i dont want to talk about what happened nor do i feel comfortable about this so i would appreciate if youd stop asking me

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: thank you

bachiraaa: this couldve all been solved within 1 week but its starting to drag on to 2

itorin: were 17

itorin: let it go

itorin: its not that fucking deep

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im older than you 😪 /s

bachiraaa: not the time

itorin: i politely ask you to apologize for making a "joke" like this while we are talking about this situation. thank you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i interpretted it as a no, ok? im not going to apologize for how my brain processes things but i can see how there could have been confusion or smth

itorin: the last thing that i want to say is that chigiri, we will respect your boundaries if you do not want to talk, but i want you to keep in mind that your decisions and actions will determine the future of this situation

-Reply to itorin: i politely ask you..

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: well i didnt like all the tension

itorin: well you are allowed to not like something, but that doesnt give you a right to change the thing you dont like

itorin: like for example, i absolutely despise this situation right now. but im not going to just make it a happy one and forget anything happened

bachiraaa: u dont have to apologize for your brains interpretation but the following actions (insults) id say i deserve an apology for if it TRULY was a misunderstanding

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: id say i also deserve an apology for being called delusional and a fucking bitch

itorin: this is about you and meguru, not you and i

itorin: thats a different topic

itorin: and you have the full right to say "i dont want to talk about this" and leave if you want to, there just may be consequences to doing this

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: is that a threat? /gen

itorin: no it is not, i am just predicting the future. i have been in these situations countless times and i know how they end up depending on how the people act

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: if you have been in so many situations like this then you should know that everyone ends up getting hurt

itorin: yes i do. your point?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so why keep bringing it up

itorin: to solve it, obviously

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: this isnt solving anything, in my opinion i feel like this is making it worse

itorin: if we all just ignore the situation, dont you think itd have a smaller chance of being solved than actually talking about it?

itorin: talking isnt solving anything right now because you are unwilling to talk to us and tell us your side of the story. time is part of the proccess

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: when you blame me i feel very hurt and i feel like you have no right to say this and expect me to just "cooperate"

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i dont want to talk about this anymore so stop

itorin: i am not blaming you, sorry if it seems that way. i am just saying that talking will not solve because not all sides are not ready to

bachiraaa: if u indeed want it to be solved and u state that its a misunderstanding then wouldnt it be better to understand things for both parties

-Reply to gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i dont want to talk..

itorin: okay, thats the end of it then. we wont push you to talk

-----

Direct Messages

3 39 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: lets talk

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: just about me and you dont involve the bachira thing

itorin: never thought id get unblocked but sure

itorin: can i start?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah

itorin: ok so im confused. originally i wouldve wanted you fucking dead if you lied about self harm (information given to me by isagi and kunigami) and i absolutely hated you when they told me that

itorin: i do self harm myself and you using it as an excuse to "test your friends' trust" is really fucking dumb

itorin: i was genuinely worried and concerned for you when you first told me so when i find out it was all a lie, of course im gonna get mad about it

itorin: but then i found that you panicked when you heard "bachira spread a rumour about it" so you made up on the spot that you doing self harm was a lie (information given to me by kunigami)

itorin: so now im just really fucking confused

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im sorry, ok? i didnt know that me lying about self harm would affect you this much because i didnt know you did self harm

itorin: obviously you didnt know because i wouldnt tell anyone these things. but the point is, no matter whether i did self harm or not, you lying about it is still a low thing of you to do

itorin: so are you saying that you did in fact lie about self harm or is there more to it

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yes, kunigami is right. when i heard there was a rumour going around about someone in blue lock being suicidal (me) i immediately panicked and thought of that excuse

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and i will not be confirming with you whether or not i actually do self harm or not because rn i dont trust you

itorin: ok

itorin: you heard a rumour

itorin: did this rumour have the words "bachira started it" and "chigiri is suicidal" or was it just "someone in blue lock is suicidal"

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: 2nd

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: listen i panicked at the time and i just assumed that bachira started it because he and i were in a fight when the rumour started so itd make sense if he were doing this to get back at me or smth

itorin: i thought you knew him better

itorin: he wouldnt do this type of thing

itorin: and you assuming that the suicidal person was you is honestly a you problem. like im not trying to be rude but im also suicidal, right? so this rumour couldve been me, or anyone in blue lock who is suicidal. dont just assume things like that, it just leads to whatever we have right now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah i get that now, i shouldnt have assumed

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: id like to now ask you if you could talk about the paragraph you sent me

itorin: meguru told me to apologize when im in a better headspace

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: we are already talking about the situation, what is the point of talking again and again when we can solve it right now

itorin: im not in a good headspace right now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so?

itorin: i dont think you understand

itorin: my apology will be half assed and it wont be a good apology

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i dont care

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: a bad apology is a start to a better apology

itorin: okay

itorin: i apologize for calling you a fucking bitch

itorin: i know its not something you can control and just my own opinion on you, and i shouldnt have spoke my thoughts out loud to you

itorin: i also apologize for calling you delusional, i know it hurt you although its true

itorin: and the rest of whatever i sent in that paragraph i 100% still agree with. i think that you havent fully read that paragraph or arent understanding the message i was trying to convey in the paragraph

itorin: i also want to say that if you or anyone else sent me the exact same paragraph, calling me a delusional fucking bitch, i would be fine with it. and maybe its because the two of us are just two different people, but this is how i grew up with a bunch of swears being thrown out everywhere. it was normalized for me and i thought itd be normalized here too, but i guess i was wrong. sorry for assuming that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i agree your apology was not a very good one

itorin: i think my apology is very valid

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i think it isnt

itorin: and thats okay

itorin: we are different people and we have different thoughts

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah, ok

itorin: okay

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: we can talk when we are both ready to, sound good?

itorin: yea sure

-----

"Say, Rinnie. Do you even want this to be solved?"

"Hm?"

"I feel like you're just letting Chigiri do whatever he wants and it's making me kinda mad"

"It's the only thing we can do, though. If we keep pushing Chigiri to talk then to other people, we will end up being at fault."

"Why would we be at fault if we're just doing what's right? It's so stupid."

"Everything is so stupid."

"I've been wondering.. Did you understand what I said when you asked me for help the other day?"

"Which part of what you said? You said a lot."

"I did say a lot."

"Yeah, you did."

"Yeah."

"What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, never mind," Bachira gives himself a small smile while sitting on Shidou's bed, watching Rin as if he's a zoo animal.

Rin closes his eyes, and it almost seems like he's about to fall back asleep. "I can't."

Bachira seems confused now, "what do you mean?"

"I can't."

"Huh? You can't sleep?"

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Sure."

"Stop."

"Stop what? I can't complete the favour if you aren't specific."

"Stop loving me."

-----

Notes:

another late chapter you guys can flame me im sorry😖

Chapter 12: i hurt myself again

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Alissic's "Everybody's Dead Inside"

bachirin arc chapter 7
rins pov

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-self harm
-suicidal acts
-suicidal thoughts

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Why should I stop loving you? Also I can't control that."

"Because it's not a good thing to love me. What if I end up hurting you in the future?"

"Then I'll just deal with it and move on."

"Listen, Meguru. My mindset hasn't really changed. I did not like how you would shut down all my thoughts when I tried to get them out to you. I did not like how you would always try to make me understand what you think but not try to understand what I think. and maybe I am interpreting it wrong, but this is my thought process right now. I did not like how you would go against my thoughts while I was venting, but all of this did help me. I'm still alive right now. I'm not a good person, I know that. You telling me whatever shit isn't going to change that fact."

".."

"The main thing I want to say is that you won't keep helping me and I know that. If you continue trying then I will stop you myself. You will give up on me someday, so I'm telling you now to stop loving me. I don't give a shit if its platonic or romantic. Stop. Force yourself to stop. You loving me will only lead to both of us becoming hurt. My whole bloodline is mentally ill. I always end up doing fucked up shit when close to people. I don't want to hurt you. i don't want you to hurt me. It's already happened with Chigiri because we got too close. I need you to stop loving me, and I trust you, okay? I trust that everything I have ever told you won't be leaked to anyone no matter if it's tomorrow or 7 years later. I trust you. What's even dumber is that I'm bringing this topic up again which i shouldn't be doing, but I know I will probably do it again and it just proves I'm not a good person."

"Is this really what you want, though?"

"Yes."

"So you want me to leave?"

"I want you to be less close to me and stop liking me for whatever reason."

"Okay."

Bachira gets off of Shidou's bed and opens the door to the hallway. "Please take care of yourself."

"I will."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Bye, Meguru."

He walks into the hallway and speaks once more before he shuts the door. "That's Bachira to you."

-----

Direct Messages

4 02 PM

bachiraaa: u can have ur room back

ur_fav_bbg: THANK U OMG

bachiraaa: can u make sure rin doesnt do anything stupid

ur_fav_bbg: did sth happen? ur calling him rin and not rinnie

bachiraaa: hes being rlly stupid rn but i wanna respect his space and his wants even tho it hurts to do so

bachiraaa: its complicated

ur_fav_bbg: ohhhh okk yeah ill watch him

bachiraaa: thxxx

-----

No more Meguru- I mean, Bachira. I think that's it. Nobody else who can get in my way.

Rin was about to get up and out of his bed, but then Shidou enters. "Oh my god, finally."

Never mind, that thing is also a problem.

"Hey, Shidou. Could you please go hang at Karasu's dorm for another two days?"

"Huh? Hell no. Bachira told me I could come back."

"Just go."

"Nope, can't do!"

"You're so fucking difficult."

"I'm just doing what I was asked of."

Asked of?

"Bachira told me to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

Fuck. I hate this. "How about a deal?" Rin tries.

"What deal?"

"Do you by any chance want any information about Sae in exchange for letting me have this room by myself for two consecutive days?"

"Very tempting, you know. But, my answer is no."

"Kill yourself."

"Thank you."

"I'm sick and you could get sick if you stay here."

"Stop trying, Rinrin."

"Die."

So, I'd only have the time between morning classes to afternoon classes, then Shidou would come back. This is so dumb. Why did I do that? Bachira could've helped me, I could've had someone beside me. How much of a masochist am I to sabotage myself this much?

-----

Direct Messages

April 18th

1 18 PM

hiyo_: heyy sorry if i disrupted anything but i js wanna say sorry about "making a scene" last week. idk why i was being salty and saying unreasonable shit but like yeah. also you havent been to classes since last friday so i wanted to check in if youre okay. teachers have been saying youre sick, gws :))

*Unread*

-----

Direct Messages

2 53 PM

bachiraaa: i know u dont want us to stay close. whether the reasoning for that is rejection, u being uncomfortable because i love u, or anything else, i cant control who i love and ill still care about u no matter what u say to me or do to me. ill always be here for u when ur at your highest or lowest. and when u tell me to stop, it doesnt matter how it ends up- knowing at the end of the day that i tried or succeeded at helping someone, it overtakes all the negative aspects of doing so

bachiraaa: u dont have to respond, u dont have to read this. i just want to say that no matter how hard i try to stop i will continue to love u and continue to care for u, so if u ever think theres no one out there who cares about u, then ur fucking wrong.

*Unread*

-----

"I'm so fucking.. I don't even know, dense."

"Stop saying that, Bachira."

"I'm such a moron."

"No you aren't."

"How did I not realize? It was so obvious. It's all my fault."

"Stop blaming yourself."

"Isagi, I've gone fucking crazy."

"Calm down. Are you with me? Take deep breaths."

"I can't. I physically can't."

Isagi lets out a small sigh.

"You don't get it. I already had prior knowledge about his condition yet I thought absolutely nothing about it the past few days. I'm seriously brainless."

"Listen, it's not your fault, Ok? He chose to do this himself and you had no control over it."

"No, I could've stopped him from making this decision if I had just even thought about it once, but I didn't, therefore it's my fault. Completely. Or maybe it could've been prevented if I hadn't listened back then."

"I'm not arguing with you over this right now.."

"Don't."

The door beside the bench that Bachira and Isagi, including others, were sitting on suddenly opened. The doctor that walked out spoke to everyone sitting down, "-hem, Due to the usage of pill overdose, not closely examined yet, but it seems to have been ferrous sulfate. We haven't found any records of health issues needing these specific pills yet, do any of you-perhaps close family- know if there's anything connecting to that?"

Bachira started, "He has-" but was cut off.

"Anemia. Iron deficiency anemia," it was a low, monotone voice, from none other than Sae. "I don't know for sure, he was never tested-at least that I know of, but I also have iron deficiency and the two of us are related by blood."

"He was tested. He told me," Bachira adds. "he had a blood test just a few months ago too."

The doctor spoke again, "Do you know if he takes these pills regularly? Or maybe if he has ever overdosed before?"

Bachira went silent for a few seconds. "It's my fault."

"Sorry?"

"No, he doesn't take those pills at all. He only has them because he wanted me to believe that he was taking them and taking care of himself. I just noticed the truth too late."

"Ok.."

"When I found out, all he said was that he didn't want to get better."

The doctor scribbled something down on a piece of paper, "Do you know if there could be any reason that he decided to overdose today when he doesn't take the pills normally?"

".. Yes."

".. Ok.."

".."

"I understand if it's personal, but as a doctor, I will need to know this information."

"Ask someone else."

"Bachira-"

"Isagi, I don't care. I'm not explaining anything that invades Rin's privacy."

"It's alright. Anyway, his heart rate is still going, although it's heavily slow. It isn't the worst, but it isn't good either," the doctor explained.

Bachira's heart felt relief when he heard those words. "Will he get better?"

"He should, within a few days. If lucky then tomorrow."

To Bachira, it felt as if he was drowning underwater but could finally breathe.

-----

"Hey, Bachira."

"Hm?" Bachira turns around on his way out the hospital to meet a familiar face.

"Can I ask a few questions?" Sae walked up to him.

"Sure."

"How much does Rin tell you about him?"

"I can't describe it if I have nothing to compare it to."

"He told you he had anemia, did or does he tell you anything more personal than health-related things?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Okay."

"Why?"

"Nothing. I guess I was worried for nothing."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He doesn't normally trust anyone, meaning he doesn't have anyone he can turn to when he's in such a state. I thought that the reason he attempted was because of that, but I guess it's something else."

"Huh?"

"He loves you."

".." Bachira gives a confused look.

"He wouldn't have told you anything about himself if he didn't."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're special to him."

"He rejected me just yesterday. He completely shut me down when I tried to help him."

"He didn't reject you, he rejected your help."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a fucking imbecile and can't see that there are people who are willing to be there for him."

Bachira notices tears starting to well up in the other's eyes. Sae turns around and walks away, leaving Bachira standing in the hallway of the hospital. It's as if seeing another person cry makes it an okay thing to do, so Bachira can't help but start wailing.

-----

Dark. Black. Nothingness.

Death? Finally.

Wait. No.

Why is my mind still conscious? I can still think.

How long has it been?

What was that? His heart rate is.. getting... better?

No.

What.

Let me die.

Please.

I don't want to be able to hear.

"It's becoming more normal, but still a little too slow to regain consciousness."

Fuck..

Im alive.

I failed.

Again.

I despise failing.

I just want to sleep

and possibly

never wake up.

Please.

Let me out.

Let me be free.

Give me freedom.

Suffering isn't fun anymore.

I lied.

It never was fun.

Please.

Don't make me wake up.

Let me stay here.

Let me have peace.

Let me sleep.

-----

Notes:

i swear i dont always upload like 4 days apart from each chapter 😭 (apologies)

Chapter 13: i cant breathe, please dont say you love me

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Mitski's "First Love/Late Spring"

bachirin arc chapter 8

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of suicide
-mention of self harm
-the usual swearing

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct messages

April 19th

11 49 AM

itorin: why do you care so much

bachiraaa: omfg

bachiraaa: u scared the shit out of me

bachiraaa: when i got the notification i fucking panicked omg

bachiraaa: i thought i was dense but compared to u i think im ok

bachiraaa: BE C A U S E I LOVE YOU

bachiraaa: I FUCKING LOVE U

bachiraaa: SM

bachiraaa: thats why i care

bachiraaa: and even if i didnt love u

bachiraaa: ur important to me

bachiraaa: i have so many questions

bachiraaa: how r u feeling

bachiraaa: r u discharged

bachiraaa: do u even remember what happened

bachiraaa: did u even read anything that i texted u the other day

bachiraaa: do u know how fucking pissed i am rn

bachiraaa: do u know how badly people couldve been impacted if u didnt survive

bachiraaa: do u even care one bit about how i wouldve felt

itorin: shitty, no they let me use my phone for now, yes i do, yes i did

itorin: after reading your questions no i dont really give a shit about how you feel right now because i am valuing my own feelings right now and what i am feeling is that its really fucking dumb when people hate on me or dislike me for attempting to kill myself. like youre getting all angry at me because me dying couldve affected you but what about me? how come the people who try to die always get saved by other people and then get mad at them for trying to die in the first place? why should i be blamed for "ruining everyones day" because i tried to kill myself? i never told you to care about me. i never told you to love me. i never told anyone to save me. and sure, youre fucking pissed right now. i dont fucking care. im also pissed. i just attempted not even a full day ago and i didnt succeed.

bachiraaa: its not about whether or not u told me to care for u. like i probably shouldnt care for you anyway, but the fact here is that i DO care and thats just what we both have to deal with. its the same thing with love.

bachiraaa: and i get that u want to die, but me and many others? we want u to live. and yeah we both have these "wants" that we cant rlly do anything abt but just like how u said that chigiris wants shouldnt be valued more than ur wants, ur wants shouldnt be valued more than my wants either

itorin: so i should just not die and give you what you want while i dont get what i want? its unfair no matter what way you put it

bachiraaa: well too fucking bad bcuz the world is just an unfair place

itorin: and thats why i want out of the world so fucking badly

bachiraaa: i asked those questions in a genuine way, too. and the reason i asked in the first place is because i know now that U care about ME just like how i care about u

bachiraaa: so i wanna ask, whyd u push me away

itorin: ok ill answer the questions genuinely. no i dont know how pissed you are, no i dont know how badly others couldve been impacted but i also dont really want to know and i dont really care, i do care about how you wouldve felt, and that leads to my next response to your other question. the reason i pushed you away is because i was set on dying anyway anytime near april 16th and yes i dont know where you got the information from but yes i do care about you, so if i was dead set on dying then i wouldnt want you to be hurt by my death. i pushed you away so you could get less attached to me and you wouldnt care about my death as much as you would if you stayed close to me. it was the only logical way i could get you to stop caring about me

bachiraaa: it was the only logical way to get me to stop caring abt u but it was really illogical compared to the many other ways u couldve solved this such as talking to me about ur concerns and maybe all of this couldve been prevented

bachiraaa: im sorry for being rude

bachiraaa: i was js super stressed and worried abt u

itorin: see thats what i was fearing

itorin: thats why i told you to stop worrying about me

bachiraaa: but i cant

itorin: but you just cant i guess

bachiraaa: exactly

itorin: im gonna rest

bachiraaa: u should

itorin: they said i wont be discharged until around 4 days after im able to stand without feeling dizzy

bachiraaa: please gws

bachiraaa: gws and keep in mind that ilysm

*Read 11 46 AM*

-----

Direct Messages

3 31 PM

ur_fav_bbg: HEYY

ur_fav_bbg: ok srry

ur_fav_bbg: ik what happened

ur_fav_bbg: ik im a piece of shit at times, ik u find me annoying asf, and ik u dont like me how i like u, or even like me at all, but if u ever need anyone to talk to then ill be open

ur_fav_bbg: ik its impacted u a lot

ur_fav_bbg: ur acting in drama today was not like yesterday

ur_fav_bbg: dont force urself to do anything u dont want to

itoshisae: i feel like its completely my fault because when he tried talking to me about these thoughts a few years back, all i said to him was something along the lines of "if you really wanna do it then do it nobodys stopping you and im not like encouraging you to kys im just saying if thats really what you want then you should be able to get what you want, in this case its to die so just die if you really want to" and i just think that he really put these words in his mind but then again i also still agree with what i said back then, and i feel really fucking guilty for agreeing with it in the first place, even if i cant control what i feel

ur_fav_bbg: ok, u said smth to him and u think its the reason why he attempted

ur_fav_bbg: but then again u know many things have happened within the time that u told him that and now, so i think that if he rlly took ur words to heart then he wouldve attempted at least within a year that u said it

ur_fav_bbg: so maybe yes, ur words did add to the impact, but the full reason was probably bc of everything that built up until now. it isnt ur fault, not completely at least

itoshisae: the fact wont change how i feel

ur_fav_bbg: cope

itoshisae: i heard you blocked rin

ur_fav_bbg: i did

ur_fav_bbg: and that probably added to 'why' he attempted as well although i wouldnt know why bc me blocking him shouldnt be a big deal

ur_fav_bbg: like we both hate each other anyway

ur_fav_bbg: pers i think i did the both of us a favour

itoshisae: why did you block him

ur_fav_bbg: bc he was being annoying and i didnt wanna deal with it at the time

ur_fav_bbg: sure maybe blocking is a little overboard but i didnt want him to talk to me and i didnt wanna talk to him so

ur_fav_bbg: anyway ik u have a shitty relationship with rinrin but u do seem to care abt him by how badly this has been affecting u

itoshisae: sure

ur_fav_bbg: r u implying that u dont care abt him but care abt how uve been a bad person towards him

itoshisae: im not implying anything

ur_fav_bbg: ok sure

*Read 3 45 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

April 25th

9 13 AM

-Reply to hiyo_: heyy sorry if i disrupted an..

itorin: thank you and im sorry as well for making the situation bigger

11 57 AM

hiyo_: omg

hiyo_: HI HELLO HOW ARE YOU

hiyo_: everyones worried

hiyo_: im glad youre better

hiyo_: thanks for texting back

hiyo_: and also dont worry about what happened that day its alr

itorin: what do you mean everyones worried

itorin: how many people know

itorin: how do you know

hiyo_: its not rocket science i mean

hiyo_: youve been gone for two weeks, didnt text anyone for a week, also i asked bachira if you were doing ok and he told me

hiyo_: idk how many people know but i honestly dont think many do

hiyo_: the people who showed up at the hospital were bachira, isagi, nanase, sae, and me

hiyo_: most people think youre sick

itorin: ok

itorin: theyre letting me out tomorrow

hiyo_: thats good to hear!!

hiyo_: will you be coming to classes?

itorin: most likely

hiyo_: alrr

*Read 12 08 PM*

-----

As Rin was about to go to sleep for the night after a boring, dull day (doctors and nurses come and go telling him to do this do that), he looked into the mirror on the wall, seeing what's become of himself. He suddenly feels a rush of.. deja vu (?) .. and looks into his eyes on the mirror.

Rin realizes what he sees.

His own eyes, droopy with dark eye bags, a dull teal. A stern expression, neutral lips.

His reflection looks like a replica of Sae's face when.. when? When what? Many things have happened.

Seeing Sae in himself only makes him want death even more.

It's an uncontrollable want.

-----

Direct Messages

4 11 AM

bachiraaa: hey

bachiraaa: im kinda tired today

bachiraaa: well yesterday / the day before yesterday

bachiraaa: but yk today too

bachiraaa: idrk

bachiraaa: i dont have much to update u with today

bachiraaa: but at the same time i have a lot

bachiraaa: i couldnt sleep at all

bachiraaa: ik im a little cray cray

bachiraaa: but this is still the only place i can rlly turn to

bachiraaa: if u were anyone else id want to die in a ditch tbh

bachiraaa: speaking of

bachiraaa: i do kinda wanna die in a ditch rn

bachiraaa: theres a lot happening

bachiraaa: and i js think its rlly stupid

bachiraaa: bcuz rinnie keeps pushing me away

bachiraaa: but like he knows

bachiraaa: or he should

bachiraaa: know that i do infact love him

bachiraaa: and ya i did think i got rejected

bachiraaa: but when i was leaving the hospital

bachiraaa: sae told me smth very interesting

bachiraaa: idk why i trust what he said

bachiraaa: but i do

bachiraaa: anyway speaking of rinnie

bachiraaa: i mean i kinda already predicted that he would attempt to khs after everything he told me no matter what i said to him

bachiraaa: which is why i asked shidou to keep an eye on him

bachiraaa: bcuz i still wanted to respect his space

bachiraaa: and if he was uncomfortable with me being around then i respected that

bachiraaa: but now ik that he probably loves me too

bachiraaa: and im pissed

bachiraaa: im mad

bachiraaa: at that fact

bachiraaa: bcuz why tf would he push me away

bachiraaa: but most of all i think im sad

bachiraaa: and ik he explained that to me when he was allowed to use his phone

bachiraaa: but its such a stupid reason

bachiraaa: like i truly believe that if we had each other then none of this wouldve happened and he could possibly get better mentally

bachiraaa: and i honestly rlly wish u would respond as ur own self

bachiraaa: bcuz im not gonna log into ur account and do it for u

bachiraaa: not today

bachiraaa: and also

bachiraaa: idk

bachiraaa: im not good and comforting ppl

bachiraaa: so like when he was venting to me

bachiraaa: i didnt rlly know what to do

bachiraaa: and now i feel like i did a bad job at trying to help him

bachiraaa: bc he also said that he didnt like how id 'shut down all his ideas' or smth idk

bachiraaa: sometimes i think maybe everything would be better off if humanity js didnt exist at all

*Unread*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

12 03 PM

karasu: 5th block hits hard bruh i want it to stay 12 forever

niko: forever lunch break frfrfr

otoya: whats wrong with 5th

karasu: bro aiku is in that class 💀

otoya: damn bruh

otoya: cope

karasu: youre so mean

otoya: yw

reo: guys

niko: ?

reo: has rin been skipping all science classes or something cause bro has not shown up for weeeks

niko: i wouldnt know😪

otoya: why

reo: hes in my group for our project

nagi: ya

nagi: hes skipping lnl too

niko: whats lnl

otoya: languange and literature

niko: oh

reo: we need to finish our projecttttt

nagi: its ok

nagi: just do his part for him so we wont lose mrks

otoya: 😶

niko: wait now that i think about it

niko: where has rin been

niko: for like the past 2 weeks

reo: idk

nagi: thnk i saw him at lunch break like 2 days ago tho?

otoya: ion know if i trust your vision

hiori: rin is sick

niko: hi hiori

hiori: hiii

otoya: so wholesome why cant karasu be like that

nagi: lmao

niko: idk who else has classes with rin

karasu: 😐

reo: @julian

reo: Hello, Loki! You have first block with Rin, right?

niko: bro reo what is that drastic grammar change💀

reo: sthu respectfully😿

loki: Yes I do

reo: Do you know if he has been to class?

loki: No, he hasn't been to class for quite a while

niko: thats weird

niko: didnt he specifically choose calc

nagi: ya

niko: i mean i get skipping science and lit but something that he picked himself is a lil weird tbh

loki: I thought Hiori said that he was sick

niko: right

niko: SORRY HIORI IM SUPER BLIND

isagi: niko we know youre blind no need to tell us

niko: kys

otoya: i feel bad for loki

otoya: yall just @ him whenever and ask lmao

reo: 😭

-----

Direct Messages

12 23 PM

hiyo_: not today? will you be here tomorrow?

itorin: yea im tired today

hiyo_: get as much rest as you need !!

hiyo_: dont push yourself to come if you arent feeling good

itorin: yea

hiyo_: alright well classes are starting soon! i hope to see you tomorrow

hiyo_: byee

*Read 12 26 PM*

-----

Notes:

arghhhh im sorry ill be updating a little late from now on maybe like 2-4 days apart 😭

Chapter 14: id rather die than have to cry infront of you

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Conan Gray's "Fight or Flight"

bachirin arc chapter 9

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

4 02 PM

bachiraaa: YOOO

bachiraaa: is rinnie back in the dorm yet

ur_fav_bbg: NO IDEA

ur_fav_bbg: IM STILL FINISHING UP A PROJECT IN THE DRAMA ROOM RN😭

bachiraaa: DAMN

bachiraaa: ALR IM GONNA GO SEE R U GOOD WITH THAT

ur_fav_bbg: YUPYUP

ur_fav_bbg: THE CODE IS 22194

bachiraaa: OKKK THXX

ur_fav_bbg: NPNPP

bachiraaa: BTW IS IT OK IF I KICK U OUT ONCE AGAIN IM SORRY

ur_fav_bbg: LMFAO DEPENDS FOR HOW LONG BC I NEED TO SLEEP

bachiraaa: NAH ILL BE OUT BEFORE 5

ur_fav_bbg: ITS 4 RN??

bachiraaa: 5AM

ur_fav_bbg: 😿

ur_fav_bbg: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

bachiraaa: IMSOYR WE ARE I NEED A LOT OF TIME THO

ur_fav_bbg: ILL CRASH KARASUS DORM AGAIN DW LMAO

bachiraaa: TYTYTYYYYY

ur_fav_bbg: NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN THO😖

bachiraaa: GOT IT

*Read 4 07 PM*

-----

On his way to the other dorm, Bachira contemplates about what to say to Rin when he arrives. Their past conversation was left off a little rough, and although Bachira thinks that Rin may not really like him right now, he still wants to see Rin, alive in person. He's heard from Hiori that Rin isn't doing so bad physically and he's recovering.

Rin is working on his homework when hears a knock on the door. He ignores it, finishing up the question he was working on, but he hears another knock.

He finishes another question when he hears something else, not a knock, but the sounds of somebody entering a passcode.

Bachira thought Rin was sleeping due to not answering the door, but he's greeted with Rin sitting at his desk with a pencil in his hand when he walks into the room.

"Oh, Hi Rin!"

Rin turns his head around. "Bachira? I thought you were Shidou. How do you know my dorm's passcode?"

"Shidou told me."

"Of course.."

"Are you feeling better?"

"No."

"Okay." Bachira decides to get comfy in Rins bed, sitting on the bed next to Rin, who was sitting on a chair.

"They took away most of my belongings because my things could, quote on quote, harm me."

"So.. no more pills, I guess?"

"Not just that, they're taking away everything eventually."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I.. I'm- never mind, nothing."

Bachira blinks at him for a few seconds. "Can I hug you?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Not exactly, but I would like one."

"Because it's gonna be really fucking embarrassing."

"How?"

"Because. Just because."

"You're so difficult."

"I'm so difficult? You're the one who keeps pushing at me and asking me questions here and there, not to mention, you literally barge into my dorm without permission."

"I have Shidou's permission."

"If you're here for him then you shouldn't even be here at all. He isn't in the dorm."

"Hello? I'm here for you. I thought that was a given."

"You claim to be here for me, but one, you didn't tell or ask me beforehand, two, you are arguing with me right now."

".. I just care about you, okay? Is it really that bad to care for someone?" Bachira felt the urge to cry right that second.

"Yes. It is, so just stop."

"I can't."

As Bachira's eyes started to water, Rin places his own head on the desk and his hands on his head, showing that he was stressed.

"I just.. can't."

He wiped the tears falling down his face with the palms of his hands. He then realized that there was warmth around him, almost as if he was.. being embraced?

Bachira opens his eyes to find a blurry view of Rin's back, arms wrapped around him. His face was buried into Bachira's shoulder, and not long after, Bachira started to feel wetness on his sleeve.

He gets a little bit of deja vu from the time where he saw water glistening in Sae's eyes. He felt as if it's okay for him to cry as well, so, he starts sobbing harder while wrapping his own arms around Rin.

Rin is the one who breaks the silence after they got all their tears out. "See what I said? Embarrassing. I'm going to sleep."

"I'll sleep beside you."

".. Okay."

Sleeping at 5 00 in the afternoon will bound them to wake up at midnight.

-----

Direct Messages

12 33 AM

bachiraaa: HEYY JUST WANNA KNOW IF UR AWAKE RN ILL BE BACK IN LIKE A BIT

bachiraaa: IF U DONT ANSWER ME THEN ILL BE SURE TO BE QUIET WHEN I COME BACK!!

kurokuro: hii! dont worry lol you can come right in, im just doing some homework right now now!

bachiraaa: OKKK

*Read 12 35 AM*

-----

Bachira closes his phone and sets it into his pocket. He looks over at Rin, who's still sleeping on his bed, but decides to go without bothering his sleep. He starts to walk away from Rin's bed towards the door when he feels his hand being pulled.

"Can you stay?" Rin whispers.

Bachira finds it hard to say no, "Oh, sure."

"Thank you."

"Don't even."

-----

Notes:

did you guys find my tpn reference (sorry i was gonna update yesterday but ao3 went down with so many 500 and 503 errors 😭😭😭 + ik its a pretty short chapter but i will compensate i swear)

Chapter 15: you know you can cry to the one, always confide in the one, you can be kind to the one that you love

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Marshmello + Halsey's "Be Kind"

bachirin arc chapter 10 (last of bachirin arc)

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of suicide/death
-jokes about suicide

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Hey, Kurona!"

"Ah! Bachira, you're back!"

"Yeah! It's been a long day, sorry if I interrupted your studying."

"No, no! It's alright. Where were you, by the way? It's like really late!"

"Ah, I had a visit over at.. Shidou and Rin's dorm."

"Oh, alright! I thought you'd be back sooner, though?"

"I was planning to head back earlier.."

"You've been there a long time, time."

"Yeah, uh, well, Rinnie's kind of, going through something right now. I was planning to come back though, so I had to wait for him to fall asleep before I could leave since he didn't really want me to go.."

"I see," Kurona could tell that Rin is a sensitive topic to Bachira, so he decided he wouldn't bring him up.

Bachira starts to get ready to sleep for another few hours, it's almost 2. "By the way, what song is that? I like the tune."

Kurona was playing his study music at a pretty low volume, he was surprised that Bachira was able to hear the tune well from where he was. "It's 'Be Kind' by Halsey. You'd find a lot of Halsey songs if you look through my playlist, I love her!"

I don't know why you hide from the one,

and close your eyes to the one,

mess up and lie to the one that you love.

When you know you can cry to the one,

always confide in the one,

you can be kind to the one that you love.

"The chorus kind of reminds me of.. Rin."

"Does it? I can play a different song if you want, want."

"No, it's okay! I like it."

I know you're built to love, but broken down, so just try, yeah?

I know you're choking on your fears,

already told you I'm right here

I will stay by your side every night

"Yeah, it really does."

"Are you sure you don't want me to skip?"

"I'm sure, thanks Kurona! for caring."

I know it's hard for you,

but it's not fair.

Going sick in the head

tryna get you there.

And I know it's hard for you,

but it's not fair.

It's not fair.

While Kurona continues to do his homework and play music on low volume, Bachira gets in his bed and opens his phone.

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

1 57 AM

-Reply to isagi: kaisers blasting his mu..

bachira: WHAT AN L KURONAS MUSIC IS SO LIT🔥🔥

isagi: of course kuronas music is lit

bachira: WDYM

isagi: kurona and i have like the same taste in music lmao

bachira: OHH

bachira: BTW WHAT R U DOING

isagi: crying

bachira: ????? Y

isagi: kaiser isnt letting me do my homework

bachira: HOW IS HE "not letting u" LMAO

isagi: he doent kwn wht hes tlaiing about im not doing anythibg

bachira: WHAT

isagi: bruh sorry

isagi: he took my phone

bachira: DAMN ALR

bachira: GL LMFAO

isagi: 😐

-----

Bachira sets his phone down beside him and closes his eyes.

"I like this song too."

"Oh, this one's called 'Alley Rose' by Conan Gray. In fact it's one of his newest releases!"

You told me "I'm just so nervous, dear."

Well how the hell do you think I feel?

I waited all year at your feet,

like maybe you'd love me

"What artists do you listen to? Also Isagi said your music taste is really good LOL! because he's the same"

"Well, theres Halsey, although I don't think Isagi is a huge Halsey fan like me. Other than her and Conan Gray, I also listen to Mitski and Lana, Lana Del Rey, if you know, know."

"Ooh, I love Mitski songs and I've listened to Lana Del Rey, but I feel like your music taste is more, like, calm and soft, while mine's a little chaotic."

"Chaotic? I mean.. I guess I listen to upbeat songs too, this is just, like, my 2 AM study music, haha."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah, for example, I personally think I am Halsey's number one fan LOL, and her songs are mostly, chaotic, as you described."

"Maybe I'll look into her songs. I really liked the other one you played."

"Be Kind is good, but I think my favourite Halsey song would be 'You Should Be Sad', and also I feel like a lot of Conan Gray's new songs are more upbeat than his other songs. You might like that, that."

"Yeah, I see. I've heard his most famous one before, 'Heather' I think it was. This part of Alley Rose is a lot more upbeat, I agree."

But I swore hands were made for fighting,

I swore eyes were made to cry.

But you're the first person that I've seen

who's proven that might be a lie.

So, don't leave me hanging alone again,

don't leave me hanging.

Oh, where'd you go, go? Alley rose?

Oh, where'd you go, go, go?

"It's good."

"I know, right?"

"I mean, to be completely honest, I would never say that any part of music, so like, any song, is not good, because in my opinion, all music is good as long as it's actual music."

"I like your thought process."

"Thanks, sorry, I won't bother you anymore! You should continue your homework."

"Don't worry, thanks, thanks!"

"Alright! Good night."

"Yeah."

-----

Direct Messages

4 28 AM

bachiraaa: R U UP

bachiraaa: BCUZ IF U ARENT THEN IM COMING BACK

bachiraaa: BUT IF U R THEN IM STILL COMING BACK

bachiraaa: I SWEAR I DIDNT LEAVE U IM COMING BACK

*Unread*

-----

Bachira gets out of his bed, making sure to be as silent as he can in order to not wake Kurona up. He opens the door to his room and walks outside into the hallway, heading towards where Rin was.

He arrives, unlocks the door, and walks in. Rin was still laying down on his bed, sleeping, making Bachira wonder how long Rin can sleep for. He stares at Rin's sleeping face for a few seconds, and decided that he was being a little bit creepy so he stopped. Bachira then placed himself in the bed where he was before he left, but also put his arms around Rin's body.

Rin woke up after 12 hours of sleeping, and although his sleep was interrupted once, it was still impressive to Bachira. Rin slowly blinked his eyes open. When he felt the presence of another person beside him, hugging (?) him at that, he quickly sat up and turned his head around. It wasn't until a full minute of looking into another pair of eyes that were looking at him, seeming a little confused, that he remembered what happened.

"Oh."

"Jesus.. I didn't even realize you woke up, you scared me." Bachira stated, in a satire tone.

"..I'm going to finish my homework."

"What? No. Take a break from that. Also I think it'd be good for us to talk about.. whatever, right now, or this morning at least, because.. you know, yesterday."

"I'm gonna kill myself." Rin said quietly.

".."

"Sorry, that was a joke."

"You should stop joking about that."

"So you want me to make it real?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"What do you mean by 'whatever'?"

"You know.. us."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know, I just feel like the last time we talked we kinda stopped being friends because you pushed me away. But, I don't want it to be like this, and I don't think you do either. And, I want you to be honest with me about what you want."

"I can't do this right now. I'll die. It's too early."

"Okay, why don't we talk in.. half an hour? We can just rest for now."

"Why don't we just rest forever? Pretend nothing ever happened and we're still friends."

"No, because I want to clear things up."

"What things?"

"First of all, it's hard for me. To stay friends with you if I know that it's the most we can be. You know that I love you. It's awkward."

"How is it awkward? Think about what we woke up to. I wouldn't call that an awkward situationship."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

"..So, I've said this over text but I'll say it again. I know now that you care about me, just like how I care about you. You responded to that agreeing with the statement."

"Yeah, I did. You were- are? I don't know- my friend, so yes, I care about you."

"I didn't really wanna say this, but, I mean, I think you love me."

"..That is honestly a very laughable thought of yours."

"It makes sense though."

"What do you mean?"

"You trust me. Much more than anyone else ever in your entire life. You would've never told me anything personal if you didn't love me."

"I trust you because you, again, were- are?- my friend."

"You have many other friends, like, take Hiori for example."

"I've known you for longer than Hiori."

"You've had many other people you could've turned to besides me throughout your life, it isn't just friends."

"You don't know that."

"Okay, that may be true. Are you denying that you love me then?"

".."

Rin stands up, silently, and sits in his desk chair. Bachira watches as he picks up a pencil and starts to scribble down things on a homework sheet, ignoring Bachira's question.

"What are you doing?" Bachira asks, a little bit mad that Rin avoided his previous question.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

".. Can you answer my question?"

"I answered questions."

"Stop avoiding it."

"I'm not answering anything I'm uncomfortable with."

"I'm sorry if you were uncomfortable with me asking, I didn't think you'd be."

"Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes I do love you."

"..Oh."

"I want a ditch to open up and close after it swallows me in."

".."

Rin leaves his desk and lies back down on his bed, beside where Bachira was sitting, face-down. He buried his face into his pillow while Bachira just stared for a long while.

"Die.." Rin mumbles.

"Cute"

Rin lifts his pillow above his mouth, but still over his eyes. "What?"

"I said you're so cute."

".."

Rin stays still for a little bit before taking his pillow off of his face, but throwing the pillow at Bachira in the process.

"Hey!!" Bachira laughs as he quickly put up his arms to block the pillow from hitting his face.

"Don't ever say that again."

"See? So cute, haha!"

Bachira expected another something being thrown at him, but he's surprised to see Rin sinking back down into his blankets with his head buried in cushioning. He just barely noticed Rin's left ear, and he saw that it was a little red.

"Yeah, no doubt about it. Cutest thing ever."

-----

Notes:

im conan grays n1 fan and have been his n1 fan ever since sunset season release istg (found heaven out on april 5th and im going to the found heaven on tour concert in seattle🤩)
do yall want kiis arc next or ryurin(not a ship) arc next because i feel like ryurin would make sense right after bachirin but i also dont want to end the fanfic off with kiis so idrk help me 😭

Chapter 16: ew who wants to get drenched during break at school??

Summary:

kaisers petty asf???

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-slursagi (not much)

well im def gonna be busy for the rest of april (maybe may) and june so i probably wont update too often BUT ILL STILL UPDATE I SWEAR (pls dont leave me) also yea another late update i apologize

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

April 27th

11 53 AM

niko: 7 more minutes ill survive this

nagi: wht block dy have rn

niko: societies

niko: i wanna die

nagi: not tht bad

nagi: i have math

niko: i feel better now

nagi: u shud

hiori: hey nagi stop stp noas coming to the back put yor phn dn

nagi: bachiras plying his games tho

nagi: n m bey

niko: is that supposed to be "nvm bye"

niko: what an l

niko: im so bored charles is seated like so far away from me and he doesnt even go on his phone in class😔

niko: finally its 12 lets gooooo

isagi: niko we dont need you trauma dumping about your sad societies class

isagi: coach legit told me to turn my ringer on silent because of the notifications smhsmh

niko: why do you even have notifications on for this gc in the first place

niko: honestly a you problem

isagi: stfu

niko: kys

isagi: no you kys

otoya: what is this conversation

otoya: yall weird

niko: its him

isagi: btw do you guys remember when i said there was this guy in my physics class..😶

niko: dkdc

bachira: OMG YES

bachira: WHAT ABT HIM

isagi: his names kira and omg

bachira: OMG????

isagi: wait bachi i see you ill js tell you in person

niko: 😬

niko: im not even at the caf yet and i hear yelling

niko: who is it this time

otoya: idk i never eat at the caf the food is terrible

kurona: save meeeee

niko: what is happening😭

niko: im walking as fast as i can

niko: is that isagi yelling??

niko: omg

niko: nope

niko: im leaving

niko: otoya stay away from the caf

otoya: never planned to go there in the first place

sendou: help idk how i got dragged into this

niko: nope nope nope

niko: im out

niko: so glad i went later than usual

karasu: BRO SOMEONE GET EGO OR ANRI ISTFG

otoya: you ok?

karasu: NO SOME BITCH DECIDED TO BLAME ME AND THREW THEIR WATER AT ME SO IM EVEN MORE SOAKED

niko: anri is on her way🫡

kiyora: and that is why

kiyora: i dont

kiyora: socialize

karasu: wish i were you omg

karasu: killing myself

kunigami: Omg finally

kunigami: Anri is here

otoya: glad i never eat at caf

rin: glad i never eat in general so i dont have to go to the cafeteria at all

rin: usually

otoya: oh

rin: THE ONE DAY I GO TO THE CAFETERIA IS THE DAY THIS HAPPENS IM GONNA KMS LIKE ACTUALLY

otoya: oh..😨

otoya: also rin a lot of ppl were wondering where you went for 2 weeks

otoya: kinda just disappeared

niko: im so lucky

kurona: hioris phone is broken and he wants to send a message to the group via my phone

kurona: whoever broke my phone owes me 100k and WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I HATE ALL OF YOU MY COMPLETED HOMEWORK FOR THE NEXT MONTH IS NOW TRASH

niko: how did kuronas phone live genuine question😨

kurona: i hid it under one of the tables for the time being

kurona: um so apparently a lot of people broke their phones so

kunigami: Glad I ran fast enough

karasu: glad the person who spilled water on me didnt get it on my phone

kiyora: glad im just

kiyora: not there

kiyora: in general

kurona: FUCK YOU ALL GO KYS ISTG -isagi

otoya: damn

kurona: i swear its someone who wasnt at the caf today so all of them are now suspects -reo

kurona: OMGG WTFFF that was kinda fun tho tbh -bachira

kurona: NOT THE pART WHEN MY PHONE BROKE THO -bachira

sendou: IT WAS NIKO WASNT IT

niko: WTF BRO IDEK YOU WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME

sendou: sorry that was oli

niko: tell him i said FUCK YOU IT WASNT ME

shidou: CAN YOU GUYS PLS STFU IM TRYING TO WRITE MY TEST THAT I MISSED YESTERDAY

shidou: OH WHAT HAPPENED

niko: i walk to the caf and i hear isagi yelling and then when i get there i see water everywhere

niko: and the sprinklers go on

kurona: you dont even know all of it😭

kurona: they went on like 7 times and each time the pause was like 2 seconds

shidou: LMFAOOOOOOOOO

sendou: anri fixed the problem

sendou: were good now

kurona: WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM THO -bachira

sendou: dk

kurona: anri said she and ego will look into it -hiori

otoya: im chilling😶

loki: Hello, I've just looked into what was wrong with the sprinklers in the cafeteria

kurona: omg

loki: It seemed that somebody adjusted all of them to set off at specific times

kurona: WHO TF WAS IT -isagi

niko: wow

loki: They are checking security right now

karasu: whoops forgot they had security

kurona: IT WAS YOU?????

kurona: DAMN I WAS RIGHT I SHOULDVE POURED MORE WATER ON YOUR HEAD

niko: woah what

karasu: OMG IT WAS A JOKE ALSO YOURE THE ONE WHO POURED THE WATER ON MY HEAD?? TF KURONA I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT

karasu: at least im back in my dorm now didnt wanna deal w that shit😭

kurona: NO OMG THAT WASNT ME

kurona: EVERYONES TAKING MY PHONEEE

karasu: OH

karasu: WHO WAS THAT

kurona: THAT WAS CHIGIRI

karasu: CHIGIRI IM COMING FOR YOU

kurona: IM SORRY YOU JS LOOKED LIKE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT LMAO -chigiri

karasu: 😐

loki: They got the security footage. There is a pink/red-ish haired boy who goes up to the cameras and disables them

karasu: WHAT

niko: OMG KURONA?????????

kurona: NO

kurona: NO IT WASNT ME I SWEAR I SWEAR

karasu: CHIGIRI??

kurona: chigiri says it wasnt him

sendou: wasnt me either

niko: is there a chance that it was.. itoshi sae

kurona: no i dont think he would do something like that

kurona: op isagis running

kurona: isagi says he thinks he knows who it was???

kurona: ness????

karasu: wait now that i think about it

karasu: where have the white boys been

niko: charles was with me🫡

karasu: the german ones

ness: @michael.k

ness: GET THE FUCK ONLINE

ness: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

kurona: NESS WTF YOU DID THIS??? -hiori

ness: hi sorry this is isagi

ness: i found ness and he said he didnt really want to do it but kaiser forced him to or some shit

kurona: OH

karasu: arent you roommates with him

ness: YEAH THATS WHERE I WENT FIRST BUT HE WASNT THERE

kurona: reos leaving now too

kurona: with nagi

kurona: anri gave us towels though

reo: hello

reo: i found my other phone

reo: at least i can use this one

karasu: OTHER PHONE??

karasu: i mean not surprising ig

niko: you guys should start going to next classes

niko: theyre starting

kurona: were still tryna dry ourselves

kurona: @michael.k youre dead to me + you owe me 100 000 + youre redoing all of my homework for the next month -hiori

kaiser: your phone does NOT cost a hundred thousand

ness: OH SO NOW YOURE ONLINE

ness: WHEN HE @s YOU YOURE ONLINE

kaiser: i was always online

ness: GO KYS LIKE ACTUALLY PLEASE

karasu: i agree but in this situation i hate chigiri more

kurona: chigiri says sorry (again)

kaiser: give ness his phone back

ness: NO WAY IN HELL

ness: THIS REPAYS FOR MY PHONE

kurona: 😬

kaiser: ok i have reasoning

ness: ANY REASON YOU HAVE IS INVALID

kaiser: it was to get back at chigiri for the fire alarm

ness: WTF???

ness: SO YOU HAD TO DO THIS TO EVERYONE ELSE TOO??????

kaiser: 🤷

ness: KYSKYS KYS KYS

kurona: chigiri said "WHAT I DID, ON ACCIDENT AT THAT, WAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING COMPARED TO THIS"

kaiser: he woke me up from my sleep

ness: FUCKING COPE THEN OMG

ness: YOURE NOT SLEEPING IN THE DORM TONIGHT

kaiser: wtf you cant do that

ness: YES I FUCKING CAN YOU FUCKING RETARD

kurona: isagi calm..😭

karasu: isagi slur arc

ness: STFU

kaiser: you stfu slursagi

kurona: BAHAHAHHAHA SLURSAGI -bachira

reo: nagi wants all of you to kys (in a joking way ofc)

kurona: bachira just left left

ness: i formally apologize to everybody for saying the word retard

ness: stop calling me slursagi pls

niko: damn bro you aint coming out of this one

-----

1 06 PM

bachira: OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY BC OUR ART TEACHER JS SAID "did u guys js decide to take a shower altogether right before my class or sum" AND STARES AT ME N ARYU N CHIGIRI N NAGI N HIORI

bachira: AND NOW HIORIS LIKE GIVING HER A DEATH GLARE

bachira: EXCEPT HES LIKE SMILING TOO???? CANT TELL IF HES HAPPY OR ANGRY LMAO

bachira: SCARYYYY

nagi: js glad i hve a phone

niko: you act like reo doesnt supply absolutely everything for you

nagi: wdy want me to say then

nagi: 'js glad i hve reo'

niko: thats honestly a lot more accurate

bachira: AAAAAAA

bachira: GUYS I HAVE A PLAN TO GET BACK AT KAISER

niko: im 100% in

nagi: 2 much wrk

-----

Direct Messages

3 17 PM

sei_ro: hey

mikagereo: hii whats up

sei_ro: r u mad at me or smth

mikagereo: why do you think that

mikagereo: im not

sei_ro: idk u js seemed very distant during science blck n it kinda felt lke i did smth wrong

mikagereo: oh

mikagereo: idk

mikagereo: i guess im just a little upset that you chose arts instead of eco with me

sei_ro: oh

sei_ro: srry its js that eco is a lot more tiring

mikagereo: yeah ik that but its just that weve been bsf for a long time and i feel like you shouldve went with me

mikagereo: but yeah its not really a big deal so its fine

sei_ro: idk ig lke i wouldve chosen eco w u but i thnk my cfs is getting worse

sei_ro: n all the stress from skl life n pers life is lke piling up n doesnt make my cfs any better

mikagereo: yeah thats why ik i shouldnt be upset but i really think you should actually try to help it and rest instead of pushing yourself to do things that are unsuitable for your mental and physical health

sei_ro: i js feel lke if i rest all day n do nthing then im js kinda useless n it isnt a good feeling

mikagereo: its ok

mikagereo: you arent useless just because youre doing something that helps your health

sei_ro: i gtg rn srry ill see u in 5

mikagereo: yeah

*Read 3 25 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

3 34 PM

bachiraaa: R U BACK YET

itorin: yea

itorin: im gonna fucking kill kaiser

bachiraaa: AWWW DONT BE LIKE THAT

bachiraaa: IT WAS KINDA FUNNY

itorin: it wasnt

bachiraaa: IT WAS

itorin: it wasnt

bachiraaa: :C

itorin: ok it was

bachiraaa: C:

bachiraaa: WHAT R U GONNA DO OVER THE BREAK

itorin: what break

bachiraaa: ???????

bachiraaa: EGO GAVE US A WEEK OFF REMEMBER

bachiraaa: MAY 28TH WEEK I THINK THATS LIKE IN A MONTH

itorin: oh

itorin: i forgot about it

bachiraaa: WHAT R U GONNA DO

itorin: i dont know

bachiraaa: DAMN

bachiraaa: WELL IF U HAVE NOTING TO DO THEN WE SHOULD HANG OUT EVERYDAY

itorin: ok

*Read 3 39 PM*

-----

Notes:

conan gray random fact 1; alley rose was written because he was apparently supposed to meet with this person he liked in a place called 'abbey road' and she just like didnt show up?? but he didnt wanna name the song abbey road because some other artist already had an album named that so he changed it to alley (because an alley ykyk) rose (rose as in the meaning of love??) idk man saw this somewhere

Chapter 17: everything gets solved??? (or not?)

Summary:

my new to-go emojis; 🖤⭐️🤍💫✪ (found heaven is so lit especially bourgoejiewojwd idk how to spell that)
anyway- FINALLY AN UPDATE?? SO RARE OMG (i am so sorry for not updating for like 9 days ughhhhhh)

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-delulu mentioned (again)
-mad hiori

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

FG GC BUT NO CHIGIRI??

April 28th

4 02 PM

bachiraaa: GUYS

bachiraaa: I THINK WE SHOULD TELL RINNIE

mikagereo: hes not involved tho

bachiraaa: i mean he kinda is

itorin: what

mikagereo: ok fine

mikagereo: i just dont wanna get a bunch of people involved

bachiraaa: ya but rinnie is only 1 person

isagi_y: ok wait ill tell him

*Read 4 06 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 06 PM

isagi_y: hey so

isagi_y: sorry bachiras kinda dumb for asking us while you were in the gc but since he did that ill tell you anyway

itorin: okay

isagi_y: yeah well first

isagi_y: we were talking abt how we were so confused with chigiris bio

isagi_y: bc he changed it after we had the whole talk with him

isagi_y: it reads "i hate that i have to change myself to please other people"

itorin: i mean i cant see his bio cause im blocked so

itorin: but i mightve told him in a paragraph that if he wants the two of us to be friends then one of us needs to change our ways of thinking and i said i wasnt gonna change mine so if he isnt gonna change his then we just cant be friends and thats the end of it

isagi_y: ohhh

itorin: also bachira already told me some of it

isagi_y: what did he tell you so i can add on

itorin: he said that chigiri seemed super sad or something around your friend group

itorin: but like happy with other people like aryu and yukimiya, and sometimes kunigami when theyre not with you guys

isagi_y: yup and kunigami too

itorin: and he said that there was this one day where all of you other than reo went to my lunch table where i was with bachira, hiori, ness, and kurona, and chigiri claimed to aryu that you guys all left him or something and he felt lonely

isagi_y: oh yeah we talked to him abt that

isagi_y: we said that we wanted to hang out with bachira and we feel like hes stopping us from it, and we had no intention of leaving chigiri out

isagi_y: cause like bachira kinda left our friend group but like the rest of us other than chigiri are still friends with him

isagi_y: and also idk what chigiri is on because reo was with him so we didnt ALL "leave him"

-Reply to isagi_y: yup and kuni..

itorin: yea but isnt that just because he likes him

isagi_y: yeah obsessively

isagi_y: he goes up to the rest of us like "OMG KUNI AND I TOUCHED HANDS" or like "OMG KUNI CHOSE TO BE PARTNERS WITH ME IN CLASS" like all the time and its getting really annoying now

isagi_y: chigiri would like cry to aryu about how we were "ditching him" when we werent

itorin: bachira also said something about how he felt like chigiri was getting a little bit delusional about kunigami

isagi_y: he is delusional tho like i was questioning or not if i should call him that in front of his face bc itd probably make him cry but we all agreed he was delusional

itorin: what do you mean you all agreed

isagi_y: we all talked about it just yesterday during lunch break while chigiri was hanging out with aryu

isagi_y: also we all just found out that hes STILL shit talking all of us

isagi_y: like hes the closest with reo but shit talks him the most

itorin: oh

itorin: why do i need to know this

isagi_y: bc bachira said you were halfly involved

itorin: ok

itorin: i mean chigiri has a bunch of friends i dont know why hes still staying with you guys if he shit talks you all the time

isagi_y: THATS LITERALLY WHAT WEVE BEEN SAYING OMG

isagi_y: THERES BEEN THIS LUNCH BREAK WHERE HE SPENT THE WHOLE TIME TALKING WITH ARYU, AND SO WE NOTICED IT AND WE CHOSE TO LEAVE HIM TO HIS OWN PEACE. THE NEXT DAY WE HUNG OUT WITHOUT HIM CAUSE WE OBV THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA GO TO ARYU AGAIN, BUT HE DIDNT, SO HE THOUGHT WE "DITCHED" HIM AND STARTED CRYING

itorin: he started crying?

isagi_y: yes to yuki

isagi_y: and then we talked about this to him yesterday like right after we talked about it without him

isagi_y: he listned to all our opinions on him and he didnt say much of his side at all. he didnt defend himself to us or mistake anything we said, he just said "ok ill stop"

itorin: what does he mean by "ok ill stop"

isagi_y: he was like "ok from now on ill stop talking abt kuni and victimizing myself" and thats it

itorin: im sorry wtf

itorin: wait

itorin: give me a second im dying right now

itorin: just "ok ill stop"??? what

isagi_y: YEAH

isagi_y: like ive never encountered someone like this in my entire history of school life

isagi_y: and when nagi confronted him abt him talking shit abt us, i asked nagi what his response was and he said he forgot, but he remembers chigiri only saying 3 words: 'ok ill stop"

itorin: so he puts up a fight with me but caves in to you

itorin: thats so funny

isagi_y: reo and kuni said theyre gonna still be friends with him, while ig me and bachira is more on the side where we dont want to be close friends with him/we dont give a fuck if he doesnt wanna be friends with US either, and for nagi i think he also sees problems in chigiri and hell prob be closer with us but idk abt nagi much bc he didnt really say anything when we talked about it

isagi_y: and also chigiri told me once that he found kunigami a little bit annoying now and he might stop liking him because he already knows that he likes him

isagi_y: and i find that like very stupid because kuni was literally chigiris biggest defender in the you and chigiri situation

itorin: yea

isagi_y: we were also talking abt how he talks abt his own conflicts all the time, and he victimizes himself into us thinking his parents are horrible people

itorin: i dont know about his father but ive met his mother and shes nice

isagi_y: yeah and his constant crying

isagi_y: like its obv good to let out your emotions

isagi_y: but whenever he cries im like so confused on the reason, and i find it hard to find sympathy

isagi_y: anyway sorry for ranting but thats about it

itorin: its alright

itorin: just dont involve me in it

isagi_y: got it

*Read 4 24 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 57 PM

bachiraaa: HIIII

hero: Hii

hero: Do you need something

bachiraaa: ya so um

bachiraaa: dyk whats going on with reo bcuz i feel like hes rlly distant these days

hero: Idk but wdym by distant

bachiraaa: like reo has been RLLY friendly to chigiri including today, this week, and last week. i didnt ask him y but ive noticed, its like as though reos scared of losing friendship with him. but he did have the same problems and concerns as us abt chigiri, and they r roommates so idk if reo is super nice to chigiri bc theyre roommates or if reo doesnt wanna be involved with drama

hero: I've noticed that too

hero: Reo has been really friendly with Chigiri lately but it could also be because Reo is a kind person overall

bachiraaa: ya but like its not js chigiri tho

hero: Wdym

bachiraaa: like reos js been super distant with me these past few days

bachiraaa: like

bachiraaa: normally we would partner up during science block and hed partner with nagi for societies and id be with isagi but i feel like ever since last week he started partnering with chigiri during our science block so i js started to partner up with rinnie but idrk

hero: Do you remember the talk all of us had yesterday

hero: Like the one that Chigiri wasn't in

bachiraaa: ya

hero: When we had the convo, Reo said everything super politely with a smile and he would make jokes to lighten the mood

hero: When I asked him and Isagi if they still wanted to be friends with him, Isagi was like 'not really bc he shit talks me a lot', but with Reo he responded with a 'yeah' only

hero: But then again, maybe Reo just doesn't really wanna be involved in this drama

bachiraaa: icicc

bachiraaa: im gonna talk to reo tmrw

hero: Ok

bachiraaa: OKK BYEE

hero: Byee

*Read 5 09 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

April 29th

8 20 PM

niko: i wanna die

aiku: dont say that niko its very very bad

niko: stfu kys

aiku: thank you

niko: bro i have like 10 assignments due tomorrow

niko: kill me

hiori: this is why you finish your assignments 10 weeks early

hiori: speaking of assignments

hiori: theres one specific bitch who hasnt payed me back yet

niko: who

hiori: MICHAEL FUCKING KAISER

niko: gl with that

shidou: GUYS IM MAKING A LIST

shidou: I NEED VOTES

niko: what

shidou: @everyone

hiori: thats not gonna go well

barou: STOP FUCKING PINGING

rin: ^

shidou: mb gang

shidou: OK SO

shidou: WHOS THE PUREST PERSON IN BLUE LOCK

hiori: ummm nanase

nagi: reo

niko: me

isagi: niko tf you arent gtfo

niko: stfu

otoya: i personally vote yuki

karasu: based

isagi: kurona

shidou: 1 nanase, 1 reo, 2 yukimiya, 1 kurona, nikos doesnt count

niko: wtf kys

niko: ok i vote kiyora

isagi: 🤨

hiori: damn

-Reply to niko: ok i vote ki..

charles: MY BSF FINALLY DOING SOMETHING FOR ONCE

niko: STOP

niko: STFU

shidou: 1 nanase 1 reo 2 yukimiya 1 kurona 1 kiyora GUYS KEEP GOING EVERYBODY NEEDS TO VOTE @everyone

charles: I THINK LOKI TBH

barou: OMFG i vote isagi stop pinging now

niko: yo what

isagi: im out

yukimiya: i vote kurona as well

kurona: eh

kurona: i think tokimitsu wins this one one

kurona: wait no i vote ness

isagi: NESS??????

isagi: nope im leaving

shidou: @bachiraaa WBU

niko: ness is scary bro

isagi: how💀

bachira: HIII

bachira: OH UH

bachira: I VOTE HIORI

kaiser: that kid is nowhere near pure

hiori: FUCKING BASTARD GIVE ME MY COMPENSATION

kaiser: see

kaiser: i vote yoichi

hiori: didnt he just call you retarded the other day

isagi: @bachiraaa please kick him

bachira: NOPE🫢

shidou: OK SO 1 nanase 1 reo 2 yukimiya 2 kurona 1 kiyora 1 ness 2 isagi 1 hiori 1 loki

kiyora: how is

kiyora: nanase so low

kiyora: i vote nanase

hiori: what ive been saying

reo: i vote yuki

reo: best partner for eco 100%

aryu: this ones hard

aryu: your question is so not glam shidou

shidou: IDC TYVM

aryu: id have to vote chigiri

shidou: 2 nanase 1 reo 3 yukimiya 2 kurona 1 kiyora 1 ness 2 isagi 1 hiori 1 loki 1 chigiri

reo: yuki wins

reo: how does isagi have 2 votes thats crazy

shidou: NO YUKI DOESNT WIN YET WE NEED TO WAIT FOR EVERYONE

hiori: please dont @ everyone again

niko: ^^^^^^

shidou: @everyone

hiori: kys

otoya: well

shidou: OK FINE

shidou: @tetsutetsu @tokimitsu @julian @shuuuto @oaikuo @alexis.n @itoshisae @nasena @hero @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss @itorin

niko: bro actually went through all that to ping everyone who didnt vote yet

shidou: YES

otoya: damn

reo: bro actually pinged LOKI out of nowhere

hiori: i love how none of them are answering

nanase: hiii !

hiori: omg heyy

nanase: uhmmm

nanase: because hiori was the first one to vote for me ill vote hiori !

bachira: YAAA HIORI

niko: damn wtf

otoya: theres like so many people on that list who shouldnt be there

hiori: im just better

shidou: @tetsutetsu @tokimitsu @julian @shuuuto @oaikuo @alexis.n @itoshisae @hero @gaslightgatekeepgirlboss @itorin

rin: SHUT THE FUCK UP

rin: thank you

shidou: NOT UNTIL U VOTE

niko: em

rin: DIE

rin: KYS

rin: PING ONE MORE TIME AND IM LOCKING YOU OUT

hiori: oh is he not in your room rn?

shidou: NOPE IM STILL FINISHING THIS STUPID ASS DRAMA SET DESIGN EVEN THO ITS SUNDAY SMH

-Reply to rin: PING ONE MORE..

shidou: @itorin

niko: wow um

otoya: ion think that was a good idea

shidou: WHAT R U GONNA DO ABT IT

shidou: U CANT LOCK ME OUT IK THE CODE??

ness: I think I'm late but the purest person is Gagamaru

ness: I know he isn't in the group chat but he is in some of my classes

hiori: im sorry WHO?

ness: Gagamaru

hiori: you mean the animal who eats his food with his bare hands in the table right across from the one that i sit at???? hell no

ness: Wow

niko: no idea who yall are talking abt

shidou: 2 nanase 1 reo 3 yukimiya 2 kurona 1 kiyora 1 ness 2 isagi 2 hiori 1 loki 1 chigiri 1 gagamaru (who tf??)

shidou: I THINK YUKIMIYA WINS

hiori: i disagree

shidou: U CANT DISAGREE WITH THE OUTCOME

hiori: two of the votes for yuki were from otoya and karasu so it doesnt count

otoya: yo what

hiori: yeah so nanase wins

shidou: ITS STILL 2 nanase 2 kurona 2 isagi 2 hiori

niko: emmm i disagree with all of those

isagi: we dont want your opinion niko

hiori: i literally dc nanase wins

hiori: nanase is the purest one

-----

Direct Messages

9 07 PM

itorin: text shidou and tell him youre coming over again so he can go to otoyas dorm but dont actually come over just tell him that

bachiraaa: WHAT LMFAo

bachiraaa: I HAVE A BETTER IDEA

bachiraaa: MOVE UR DESKS TO THE DOOR AND LIKE OTHER STUFF SO THAT HE CANT OPEN THE DOOR

itorin: okay

bachiraaa: 😗

bachiraaa: BTW IVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK

itorin: what

bachiraaa: WHAT ARE WE

itorin: what do you mean

itorin: were friends

bachiraaa: YA BUT LIKE

bachiraaa: I LIKE U AND U LIKE ME

itorin: so?

bachiraaa: 🙂

bachiraaa: ...

itorin: ..

bachiraaa: OK WHATEVER

itorin: okay

bachiraaa: IM GONNA TELL ISAGI UR MY BF

itorin: i never agreed to that

bachiraaa: YA BUT U DONT CARE

bachiraaa: AND IM GONNA DO IT ANYWAY U DEAL WITH IT

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: but CONSENT IS GOOD

bachiraaa: AND "ok" IS NOT APPROVAL

itorin: what do you want me to do

bachiraaa: IDK????

bachiraaa: SRRY IVE LIKE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE

bachiraaa: WILL U BE MY BF

itorin: i dont know

bachiraaa: OH

bachiraaa: OK

itorin: yea

itorin: sure

bachiraaa: WHAT

itorin: what do you want me to say?

itorin: I'm genuinely touched by your sweet request! It's such an incredible feeling to know that someone sees something special in me that makes them want to take this step. Your courage in asking me this means a lot, and I'm honored by your sincerity. The thought of being your boyfriend fills me with happiness and excitement. To embark on a journey of companionship, support, and shared experiences with someone as wonderful as you would be a dream come true. I can envision us laughing together, supporting each other through life's ups and downs, and creating countless beautiful memories together. Your proposal has given me a chance to reflect on what truly matters in life, and I realize that having you by my side would enrich every aspect of it. The idea of building a strong, loving relationship with you fills me with hope and optimism for the future. I admire your courage in putting your feelings out there and taking a leap of faith. It's not easy to open up and express your emotions, but your sincerity shines through, and it's incredibly endearing. You've shown me that you're someone who knows what they want and is willing to go after it, and I find that quality incredibly attractive. So, with all my heart, I'd be honored to be your boyfriend. Let's embark on this journey together, hand in hand, and see where it takes us. I have a feeling it's going to be amazing, filled with love, laughter, and endless adventures. Thank you for choosing me, and know that I'm here, fully committed to making this relationship everything we both want it to be.

bachiraaa: UMMMMM

bachiraaa: UR SCARY

bachiraaa: WTF IS THAT

bachiraaa: DID U WRITE ALL OF THAT??

bachiraaa: IT DOESNT MATCH UR PERSONALITY AT ALL LMFAO WTF

itorin: ok

itorin: Your proposition caught me by surprise, and I appreciate the sincerity behind your question. It's clear that you've given this some serious thought, and I respect your honesty and bravery in putting yourself out there. The idea of being your boyfriend is something I hadn't considered, but it's certainly not unwelcome. I believe we have a connection worth exploring, and the prospect of deepening that connection is intriguing. I value the companionship and support that a relationship can offer, and I can see potential for us to share meaningful experiences together. Your proposal has given me pause for reflection, and I'm inclined to see where this could lead. Your willingness to express your feelings openly is commendable, and it speaks to your sincerity and authenticity as a person. It's clear that you know what you want, and I find that quality admirable. So, with a thoughtful consideration, I'd be open to the idea of being your boyfriend. Let's take this step cautiously and see where it takes us. I believe there's potential for something meaningful here, and I'm interested to explore it further. Thank you for your honesty and for considering me as a partner.

itorin: is that better

bachiraaa: YKW IM GONNA TRANSLATE THAT TO A "YES"

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: OKK

bachiraaa: TY I CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY NOW

itorin: youre welcome

itorin: goodnight

bachiraaa: GNNNN ILY

*Read 9 51 PM*

-----

2 43 AM

itorin: i love you too

-----

Notes:

do you guys want (almost) daily short chapters (about 250-500 words) or weekly long chapters (about 1700-3500 words)

Chapter 18: aideciimmsiirmftyhaitgtttfcisnwmfbislwmflaitiyelmtibtrw

Summary:

rest of the chapter title cause it got too long;
aideciijasfiiaeiygbtstbishwmffisewmtcbytfptiswptmbal
sdlmhag
dlmh
owyggar
owyggg

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-deluluuuu (like every chapter)
-insulting words
-"fuck" like almost every 2 sentences
-mental health disorders mentioned!
-disorders talked about!
-suicide mentioned!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

April 30th

12 13 PM

ness: Umm there's like a bunch of yelling in the cafeteria right now

hiori: yeah idk whats happening

hiori: rin and bachira left our lunch table and now theyre in a fight with

hiori: who is that

hiori: isagi? and chigiri and some other people

shidou: ITS SUPER INTERESTING TO WATCH OMG

otoya: jeez

otoya: more drama

karasu: lets get involved

karasu: slash jay

hiori: someone spill the drama what are they saying

shidou: IDK IM TOO FAR

hiori: @mikagereo you look like you want to leave

shidou: OK WAIT I GOT THIS

shidou: Can you guys just stop bothering me if you. Don't want to be friends then don't talk to me much less argue with me you should just. Go what we are not even arguing with you we're just trying to. Reason with you I think if you want to continue being friends then you. Leave me alone please and thank you. Need to talk about the past situations instead of leaving them behind because if that isn't solved then there will always be a hole in our friendship. What friendship last I remember we had no friendship whatsoever

otoya: had a stroke trying to read that

hiori: uhm

karasu: bro did you seriously use speech to text to record what they were yelling about LMAOOO

shidou: IM SO SMART

shidou: JS GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHO SAID WHAT AND REMOVE THE EXTRA RANDOM PERIODS

hiori: hey shidou guess what

shidou: WHAT

hiori: reos checking his phone rn i dont think he will be super happy that you 'recorded' that conversation lmao

shidou: UHH ITS OKKK

reo: lmfaoo its alright dw also yeah hiori i really do want to leave

reo: theyre arguing about the stupidest shit ever because they cant get it resolved

reo: hell even nagis raising his voice

hiori: gee

hiori: kurona says hes glad he isnt involved

otoya: why is the arguing getting louder

shidou: Listen no I don't have to listen to anything you say. Yes I know that but. Stop and respect my boundaries I've told you no already you need to listen to me I don't need to listen to you. Hey guys I think we should calm down I am calm. We are calm no you're not you're making a whole scene you need to calm down why does it feel like you're directing that message to me huh what about him. He should be told to calm down too it's not just you I was talking to them too then show that you're talking to them too. Hey calm down like actually I am calm I am fucking calm why can't you just listen to me for once ever. Since the last argument with just us three you all took his side and did none of you care how I felt and didn't listen to me. Are you fucking braindead they did try to listen to you and your side but you're the one who wouldn't tell them your side and that's why they took my side because they. Didn't know your side like do you see all these fucking insults first I get called a bitch then delusional then attention seeker then crybaby and now braindead and you guys are just fine with this. To clarify I'm not insulting you I'm just being honest you calm down too I am calm at least calmer than him obviously can you just shut the actual fuck up and leave nobody even. Invited you two to come here and talk to any of us in the first place it was just something between me and them no the fuck you're the one who needs to shut the fuck up and listen

hiori: jesus..

karasu: "i am calm i am fucking calm" im sorry that part was so funny

karasu: wait till they find out you recorded their convo youll be dead bro

shidou: THIS IS SO FUN OMG

shidou: UH NVM WTF

otoya: what

otoya: oh wtf was that

hiori: yall isagi just slammed a plate onto the table and it cracked into like 3 parts

hiori: omg even i could hear that "calm the fuck down" by isagi

hiori: they better be calm now

hiori: nvm what was i even expecting ofc its not gonna get better

shidou: I NEED TO RECORD THIS LMAOOOO

shidou: NOO I MISSED THE PART WHERE RINRIN THREW ONE OF THE PLATE SHARDS AT ISAGI THAT WAS SO FUNNY

otoya: your definition of funny is weird asf but it is interesting tho

hiori: nah why are they throwing plates at each other now

hiori: chigiri just chucked two plates at isagi

hiori: UHMM ISAGIS LIKE BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD

kurona: poor reo i can see him trying to calm them down😭

hiori: i feel so bad for kunigami too like hes just there😭

ness: We should leave earlier today

kurona: yeah we should

otoya: yo ness dont you usually go off with kaiser during lunch

otoya: you havent done that for like a few days

ness: Mika is sick

hiori: yeahh

otoya: oh alr

hiori: well classes are gonna start in like 5 mins so i wish the best for the arguing group over there

kurona: i hope anri or ego comes soon😭

*Read 12 56 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

April 30th

3 47 PM

glam_queen: spill the tea bae ✨

glam_queen: i could hear you 6 or was it 7? arguing from the science lab

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah 7

glam_queen: so not glam omg

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: wait

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what part did i fill you in on yesterday again?

glam_queen: we got to the part where there was a groupchat with just you, bachira, and rin

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: oh yeah

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok so like

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bachira was blatantly lying istg it makes me so pissed just thinking about it

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: he said he didnt show anyone our chats except for rin except that was CLEARLY A FUCKING LIE because reo told me that bachira showed both rin AND reo together

glam_queen: ah i seee

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah and he tried getting me to name the other person (who was reo) that he showed our chats too but i wasnt gonna betray reo like that cause i didnt want another person to get involved

glam_queen: see there are rumours going around

glam_queen: that you compared bachira to your father?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i did and i apologized

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i said that to him because at that moment he very honestly resembled my dad

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: like yk how annoying it is when people say "oh look ive done this for you and ive done that for you and you cant even do this for me?" its like using that as something to make me feel guilty and thats exactly what both my dad and bachira did and its like super manipulative

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and like i js absolutely could not take it anymore

glam_queen: ooh i see

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah and like the fight today was with the other people

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: 2 days ago in the morning nagi started accusing me of shit talking everyone in my fg and i was js so fucking confused because what? and i was really like NOT in a good mood at all and i didnt wanna deal with that so i told him id stop and he backed off about that topic

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and then during lunch that day, isagi and reo came up to me and asked if i wanted to sit at a different table for the day like with the rest of them and i didnt know why they wanted a table far in the corner but thats the one they chose

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: then isagi takes his seat and starts talking to me about how i "shit talked" all of them (which i didnt) and how im "too enthusiastic" about the person i like (im sorry what? am i not allowed to experience love?) and how i cry to you about them a lot. and everyone else agreed with him

glam_queen: and what did you say?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: they said that it felt as if i was really distant from them but close with you and other people so i said smth like " am i not allowed to have other friends?" and isagi got super pissed at that and left

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: then i said like whatever think what you want ill stop being "weird" but i feel like that it wasnt that i was too distant, its THEM thats too distant from me cause i feel like ive been trying to bond with them so much but they kind of push me away and i think thats also because of them taking bachiras side when we had our argument

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: like i felt utterly crushed when they defended bachira and it was like i was being left all alone yet now theyre back to me because bachira left the fg

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: they accuse me about how i shit talk them, but they also told me that they talked to each other about this and agreed that i was "acting weird" which means that they talked about me negatively so wouldnt they also be shit talking me? itd be the same thing except i DONT shit talk them

glam_queen: ohh

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: anyway so TODAY right. so. okay. nagi came up to me first and he said "hey chigiri, i dont exactly want to be friends with you anymore. dont take it personally, i just dont think were compatible as friends" and im just thinking "wtf" because nagi and i literally never ONCE had a single disagreement. so i concluded that obviously, people told him things about me that he doesnt like and he never told me what he doesnt like about me. so i say back to him "if you have anything that you dont like about me then say it so that i can maybe change it and we can still be friends" and all he says is "mm i dont think you can change it"

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and now im just like "what the actual hell" cause nagi, one of my closest friends just decided to drop me out of absolutely nowhere. so i go to reo and i ask him "dyk whats gotten into nagi" and he asks me what happened so i tell him

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: but before he could answer, isagi decided to come in the conversation and drag reo away to 'talk to him in private'

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so now im like "what is happening" and im confused asf

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: at the lunch table with me, reo, kuni, nagi, and isagi, it was so fucking awkward cause nagi and i didnt even look at each other and nobody else really talked so i decided to bring it up and nagi was like "yeah were not friends anymore" then reo was like "i heard" and then isagi goes "oh. nagi, youve already done it?"

glam_queen: oh what?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: YEAH

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so then im like "done what?" obviously

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and isagi tells me that he and nagi were planning to stop being friends with me

glam_queen: that is NOT glam

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ikr

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and my reaction to that was "ok well why do you have to plan it? like if you dont wanna be friends with me then just say it cause youre doing rn is kinda weird"

glam_queen: icic

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yea so then bachira and rin decided to come over to my table and a lot of stuff happened it was so chaotic

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i cant really remember because i blanked out for a moment because two of my good friends js dropping me out of nowhere

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: but i do remember a lot of screaming

glam_queen: there definitely was a lot of screaming if i could hear it

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i js remember like almost all of them were yelling at me and i had like an attack

glam_queen: what attack

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: idk i cant remember

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: probably a bpd one

glam_queen: apparently you guys broke 3 plates

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: idk about that either

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: cant remember

glam_queen: okayy

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: eventually i think ego broke us apart and we went back to classes

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and now im in the art classroom finishing up a project

glam_queen: ohh good luck

*Read 5 12 PM*

-----

FG GC BUT NO CHIGIRI??

5 14 PM

isagi_y: omfg

isagi_y: just got out of the infirmary finally

isagi_y: ok so yeah that settles it

isagi_y: im no longer chigiris friend

sei_ro: ^

itorin: hes so fucking mental and for what

bachiraaa: guys its not rlly chigiris fault tho

isagi_y: how

isagi_y: bachira my head is legit BLEEDING because he threw a fucking GLASS PLATE at me

isagi_y: and now egos involved and hes saying that hell switch our classes around or some shit

mikagereo: tbf you smashed a plate first

mikagereo: and rin you were screaming so loud

mikagereo: im not saying that chigiri didnt do anything wrong but i really think we should calm down and talk instead of whatever happened

bachiraaa: i agree with reo

isagi_y: reo are you with chigiri rn

mikagereo: no chigiri isnt in the dorm

hero: Chigiri isn't texting me anymore

hero: He'd normally text me every day after school

bachiraaa: ya cuz he LIKES U

hero: Yeah but he hasn't yet today which is weird

itorin: its not weird if you think about what happened today

itorin: i guess hed be thinking something like "none of my friends defended me and i was all alone"

bachiraaa: so can we agree that no matter if any of us r friends or arent friends with chigiri that we will still all be friends

itorin: it just irritates me that people are still willing to be friends with him

mikagereo: ok well it irritates me that you arent willing to hear him out and try to be friends with him again

itorin: not willing to hear him out?

itorin: youre fucking blinded by his manipulation

mikagereo: ik i agreed with him kinda manipulating before but now i feel like it isnt really manipulation

mikagereo: like my personal opinion of him is yes he is in the wrong but that doesnt make him a trash person or someone who deserves to be hated on like this

mikagereo: and he honestly is a good friend overall

mikagereo: hes caring and ik he has a kind soul

itorin: i wasnt trying to make chigiri seem inferior

itorin: i wanted to say that i do want to hear him out and his side, which ive said like a thousand times throughout this whole thing, but he is the one that doesnt want to share his side and you need to understand that

mikagereo: maybe he thinks that you dont want to listen to his side because he did say that 'nobody ever listens to him'

isagi_y: all he said was that he wouldnt do it again but he never even tried to defend his side when we confronted him together

bachiraaa: why cant we js be friends again like all of us

bachiraaa: like were all tired trying to resolve this so why cant we just move on and be happy

itorin: because i dont want to be friends with chigiri along with isagi and nagi

itorin: not until chigiri explains his side at least

itorin: also chigiri doesnt want to be friends with us either

mikagereo: why dont we just add chigiri to the gc

isagi_y: i cant

mikagereo: why

isagi_y: i probably got blocked

hero: Oh

itorin: unsurprising

bachiraaa: i hate this

sei_ro: im also blckd

*mikagereo has added gaslightgatekeepgirlboss to the group chat*

bachiraaa: oh well theres at least one person who isnt

mikagereo: hey

mikagereo: where are you?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: cant you just dm if thats all youre gonna ask

mikagereo: that wasnt all i was gonna ask

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im in the art classroom

mikagereo: still?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yeah

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bye

mikagereo: wait

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what

mikagereo: can we talk

mikagereo: like all of us together

gaslightkatekeepgirlboss: nty

*gaslightgatekeepgirlboss has removed gaslightgatekeepgirlboss from the group chat*

mikagereo: oh

itorin: even more unsurprising

mikagereo: you arent making things any better

mikagereo: thanks

itorin: and whose fault is it that im pissed right now

itorin: chigiri

bachiraaa: guys stop

hero: I've been Chigiri's friend since like the 4th grade

hero: I think you all should know something

hero: Although Chigiri told me to not tell anyone

hero: It's for the best I feel

isagi_y: what

hero: Chigiri isn't a very 'normal' person

hero: Like I don't really want to say that but it's really the only way to describe it

mikagereo: wdym

hero: Chigiri was diagnosed I think around 5 years back with a bunch of things and it affects his mental health

hero: So although most of you will blame Chigiri for a lot of the things he does, I think it's more that his unconscious mind is kind of controlling him more than what he really wants.

itorin: what was he diagnosed with

itorin: if you know and if youre okay with telling us

hero: Like I said, a lot, but the one that shows the most in him would probably be borderline

itorin: oh

bachiraaa: bpd?

itorin: im pretty sure thats what im studying next week

itorin: im doing npd right now

hero: Yeah Chigiri also has NPD

itorin: which one

hero: I think it was overt

hero: He also has PTSD but I think that was a given

itorin: it was

hero: And he was diagnosed with bipolar

itorin: which one

hero: I don't remember

itorin: id assume the second one then

itorin: thats a shame

mikagereo: why

itorin: i cant compare his disorders to anything so i wont be able to understand him well

isagi_y: thanks kunigami

isagi_y: ill do research

hero: Ok

hero: But my point is that Chigiri's actions might not be his core intentions

mikagereo: they arent

mikagereo: hes a good person

hero: Also Chigiri told me that Bachira didn't show only Rin your chats

bachiraaa: ya thats what hes been claiming

bachiraaa: did he tell u who

hero: Reo

bachiraaa: what

mikagereo: yeah

bachiraaa: no?

mikagereo: yes

mikagereo: probably not intentionally but i saw anyway

bachiraaa: ???

itorin: reo was there when you showed me the messages

bachiraaa: ohhhh

bachiraaa: then its not my fault😭

mikagereo: yeah it isnt

itorin: its just difficult to talk to chigiri about all of this

itorin: even if we try one slight bit hes gonna accuse us of forcing him or start crying

hero: It's not his fault that he thinks that way though

itorin: its not his fault but its so fucking annoying

itorin: and the fact that he cant help it makes it even worse

isagi_y: no

isagi_y: it is infact his fault because it was his actions that he made with his own decisions

isagi_y: even if he cant help it that doesnt change the fact that its still his fault nonetheless

bachiraaa: that doesnt rlly matter so whatever

bachiraaa: its stressful for all of us

itorin: yea

mikagereo: can we just drop this

mikagereo: nothing good is coming from talking abt chigiri

itorin: nothing good is coming from this but we need to

mikagereo: we dont

itorin: youre acting like chigiri

mikagereo: and youre acting really bitchy

bachiraaa: guys stop

hero: Just because some of us have different perspectives on this doesn't mean that we should conflict with each other

bachiraaa: exactly

bachiraaa: i dont want more of my friends to fight each other

itorin: we werent fighting

itorin: we were just pointing out our own opinions

mikagereo: yeah

hero: Sure

isagi_y: what are we gonna do

mikagereo: nothing

mikagereo: just wait for smth to happen ig

bachiraaa: well we cant rlly do anything

isagi_y: ig

*Read 6 21 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

6 21 PM

bachiraaa: a lot happened today

bachiraaa: like a lot

bachiraaa: its like everythings going downhill other than rinnie and i

bachiraaa: speaking of

bachiraaa: were tgt now

bachiraaa: idrk what to do with this whole chigiri situation

bachiraaa: like i js wish that we could all be friends again

bachiraaa: its rlly not so hard

bachiraaa: also we finally started soccer practices

bachiraaa: ya so like blue lock is a school that teaches us the basic things but its like specified for soccer training so

bachiraaa: everyone who goes here plays soccer

bachiraaa: theres like a bunch of famous ppl here too

bachiraaa: but anyway

bachiraaa: thats about it

bachiraaa: ill text u again when ego lets us out on break ig

*Unread*

-----

Direct Messages

6 38 PM

itorin: do you want to know about the friend i had

bachiraaa: HUH

bachiraaa: WDYM

itorin: i dont know i just feel like i never really told you the whole story and only bits of it

itorin: about why my friends death affected me so much

bachiraaa: oh

bachiraaa: i mean ya sure

bachiraaa: if it helps u to get it all out then im 100% willing to listen

itorin: remember when i said that they were going to take away everything eventually

bachiraaa: ya?

itorin: yea

bachiraaa: what

itorin: they want to put me in a psychiatric ward

bachiraaa: ???????

itorin: for maybe like 2 months

bachiraaa: all because u tried to kys???

itorin: yea

itorin: but if i can prove im sane and i dont need to be put there then they wont

bachiraaa: listen i dont want u to be put in a ward for 2 months but how are u gonna prove ur ok when u arent ok

itorin: i am

itorin: ill figure it out

itorin: im just letting you know just incase they do take me away and i wouldnt be able to tell you otherwise

bachiraaa: oh ok

bachiraaa: if theres anything i can do to help then pls lmk

itorin: okay

bachiraaa: <33

-Reply to bachiraaa: if it helps u..

itorin: ill tell you another time

bachiraaa: alrr

itorin: yea

*Read 6 47 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

8 31 PM

niko: can yall believe its may tomorrow

niko: its been a month since the school year started

isagi: niko nobody cares

niko: stfu im bored i have nothing to do

isagi: go sleep

niko: no

niko: what happened to you btw i saw you get like carried to the infirmary

isagi: im alr thanks for caring niko🥺

niko: KYS

isagi: go sleep niko youre gonna be a bad child

isagi: lmfao he stopped answering

kaiser: he doesnt wanna deal with you thats why

isagi: 😐

isagi: stop wtf is that smell

kaiser: its my perfume

kaiser: you dont like it yoichi?

isagi: im leaving ewewew wtfff

isagi: its not bad its just strong asf

kaiser: thank you

isagi: that wasnt a fucking compliment

kaiser: i hope chigiri makes your heart bleed out next time instead of just your head

isagi: wtf how tf do you even know that

kaiser: how do you think i know that

isagi: idfk bro

kaiser: alex told me dumbass

isagi: ok idc

kaiser: youre so childish

isagi: fuck you

kaiser: when

isagi: kyskyskys like actually die

kaiser: lmao

*Read 8 57 PM*

-----

Notes:

erm..... so lets not talk about how im 2 days late with a shorter chapter than expected.. IM SORRY I JUST NEVER HAD THE TIME TO WRITE I SWEARR I WAS PLANNING THE NEXT CHAPTERS 😭😭😭 (i might just go back to updating whenever i can)

Chapter 19: oh

Summary:

well

Notes:

before we start i just wanna apologize for the short chapter (i have absolutely no time to work on this which is sad but hopefully ill be able to write more)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 1st

4 19 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: hey

hero: Hi

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ik you probably already know this and ik its not the best time to tell you but i have to get it out

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i like you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: like romantically

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and i just want a straightforward answer like a "i like you too" or a "i dont like you"

hero: Idk if I want to answer that right now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok then

hero: Sorry

*Read 4 25 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

May 2nd

11 27 AM

isagi: why are wednesdays so long

niko: dont you have phys ed rn

niko: how are you allowed to use your phone

isagi: we have a break

niko: you get breaks???? wtfff

isagi: L

isagi: what class do you have

isagi: youre always active during 3rd block why

niko: societies

niko: my scts teacher doesnt care

isagi: oh

isagi: why is it just us damn

niko: maybe because everyone else actually does productive things

isagi: i see

niko: i hate this classssssss

niko: isagi tell me a joke im bored

niko: damn wtf

niko: 😭

niko: dont do this to me

niko: ugh

-----

12 01 PM

niko: finallyyyyy

charles: IKKIIIIII WHERE DID U GOOOO

charles: WHYD U LEAVE WITHOUT ME

niko: sorry i had to get out of that class😔

charles: 😭

charles: je ne t'aime pas ikki

niko: what

charles: SO HURT😔

niko: ??😭

karasu: niko why do you act like that online

niko: wdym

karasu: your texting doesnt match your appearance

karasu: you look like a twink

niko: kys

karasu: sorry i meant you are one

charles: LMFAO

-----

Direct Messages

3 42 PM

hero: Hi

mikagereo: hii

mikagereo: wsp

hero: You're the closest one with Chigiri that I know of so I thought I'd tell you

hero: He confessed to me yesterday

mikagereo: ik

mikagereo: he said you didnt give him a definite response

hero: Yeah I didn't

mikagereo: so

hero: I don't really know what to do

hero: Because I've also liked him for maybe two years now

hero: But there's a lot of stuff happening and I feel like it isn't a good idea to tell him that information right now

hero: When you guys first revealed in the gc that R was me

hero: I also thought this exact thought

mikagereo: idrk

mikagereo: because chigiri is my roommate

mikagereo: and i think that if you do tell him you like him as well then he might get out of this depressing state that i see him in every night

hero: But I also don't really want to set a relationship with him

hero: Not during all of this at least

mikagereo: then you can tell him that

mikagereo: and explain that maybe you two can get in a relationship after all of this

hero: Yeah

hero: The problem is I'm worried that all of this drama will continue for a long time

hero: Or that Chigiri will stop liking me because I'm "not ready to commit to a relationship"

mikagereo: well if he cant respect that you "arent ready to commit to a relationship" then he was never a good person in the first place

mikagereo: if he really does like you then he would wait until youre okay with a relationship

mikagereo: and he does

mikagereo: i know that because of the countless of times where chigiri would talk about you to me and other people

hero: Ig

-Reply to mikagereo: if he really do..

hero: I don't want to risk finding out because what if you're wrong

hero: I don't want my own heart to be shattered but ik that I need to do something

hero: It's already been a day

mikagereo: well ive given you my thoughts on this but in the end its completely up to you

hero: Alr

hero: Thanks

mikagereo: npp

*Read 4 07 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

May 5th

1 32 PM

xxx-xx: hi

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: hii

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: who is this

xxx-xx: this is bachira im using a diff phone number but i js wanted to apologize for the other day. i feel like i acted out a bit too much and couldnt get anyone to calm down it was just chaos all over. i also wanna apologize on behalf of isagi and rin and nagi bcuz ik they yelled a lot and it wasnt good. from the very beginning ive rlly js wanted all of this to be done with bcuz it isnt bringing any positivity for any of us and i js wanna go back to being friends. the rest of us talked about this a few days ago and we rlly want to help u and try to make things better for u and for the rest of us. we know ur going through smth and its ok if u dont wanna tell us but its been affecting ur actions and that affects ur relationships with us. i love u and ik they do too. even with everything thats happened ik we can build a friendship again bcuz ur a good person and i think i am too

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: if you really wanted to help me then why would isagi and nagi suddenly drop me and why would rin be so rude

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what theyre doing isnt helping at all

xxx-xx: rin is rude bcuz thats js how he is and hes rude to everyone

xxx-xx: and also he was going through smth when he sent u that paragraph so he wasnt in a good mindset and ya ik its not an excuse for his actions but thats js the truth

xxx-xx: rin texted me a few days after he sent u the paragraph and he said that he knows he shouldnt have sent it and he regrets saying that to u and he knows it was his fault

xxx-xx: he also said that he was gonna apologize to u abt it so idrk

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: he did but it was a really trash apology

xxx-xx: ya i told him to apologize when he gets into a better headspace

xxx-xx: but he didnt

xxx-xx: and for isagi im not 100% sure but he probably realized that having u around him isnt good for him so he decided that he didnt wanna be friends with u anymore but that also doesnt mean that he doesnt care abt u or that he hates u

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so im not good to be around others?

xxx-xx: not everyone but isagi bcuz everyones diff from one another and its js how isagi feels

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ok

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what do you want me to do about it

xxx-xx: i js want all of us to talk it out and forgive each other and be friends

-----

Notes:

guys i know i updated like super late but i was like "im gonna post this on the 30th" but why?
BECAUSE ITS AO3 USER "WEEELOVEEEBLUEELOCKK"'s BIRTHDAY🤩
thank you for reading <33

Chapter 20: kaisagi arc BEGINNING

Summary:

kaisagi arc chapter 1
(probably gonna be about 10-15 chapters not sure)

Notes:

new arc is beginning
new plot twists
!CONTENT WARNING!
-slight acts of bullying (?)
-jokes about suicide (like satire "kms")
-usual swearing

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 5th

2 58 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: hi

itorin: oh

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: thats your first reaction?

itorin: what did you want me to react with

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bachira wants everyone to be friends

itorin: you think i dont know

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: stop being so difficult

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bachiras been a good friend to me for the most part and i dont want him to be upset because none of us have a good relationship with each other

itorin: whats with the sudden switchup

itorin: one day you say bachiras being annoying next day you say he was a good friend

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: he was being annoying because he wouldnt leave me alone but hes still a good person ik that

itorin: definitely not what you were saying before

itorin: "youre just like my father"

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: i already apologized for that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ik it was wrong

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: stop bringing it up

itorin: why

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: tfym why

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: its not helping anything

itorin: why do i need to cooperate in helping this situation when youve refused to do that for a month straight until now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: because i wasnt comfortable with it before

itorin: and what if i say that im not comfortable with it right now

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: you are

itorin: you dont know that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: you spent at least 2 weeks trying to get me to talk to we could resolve this. obv you want this resolved

itorin: my opinion on that has changed

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: why are you switching up

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: you wanted to solve our problem and now you dont

itorin: even if we get on decent terms with each other it wont make us friends again

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: so?

itorin: theres no fucking point

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: yes there is

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: at least we wont be absolutely despising each other

itorin: i cant control the fact that i despise you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: youre so difficult

itorin: youve already said that

itorin: you want my honest opinion? ill give it to you

itorin: we cant be friends again because thats just who we are as people. some people just dont get along and theres nothing we can do about it, so theres no point in trying. if neither of us change our ways of interacting with others, then a situation like this is bound to happen again. its better for everyone if we dont interact at all

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: well guess what

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: bachira thinks otherwise

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and ik you guys have smth going on

itorin: are you saying that just because my s/o thinks something differently from me, i have to follow along with it? because that isnt how it works

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im just saying you should open up your perspective

itorin: funny how its coming from you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: all you do is make things worse

itorin: funny how hiori said that exact same thing

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: what

itorin: what

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: maybe hes right

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: maybe you should start thinking about how you act and behave instead of focusing on others' mistakes

itorin: maybe you should start learning how to control yourself

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: thats you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: last i recall i wasnt the one who sent a paragraph out of rage

itorin: werent we over that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: and i thought we were over the "calling bachira my father" thing too

itorin: this conversation is getting nowhere

itorin: you shouldnt have unblocked me

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: get one thing clear

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im not doing this for you

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: its for bachira

itorin: definitely not like i knew that

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im done talking to you

itorin: what a coincidence

itorin: same

*Read 3 22 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

5 19 PM

isagi_y: BACHIRAAAAAAA

bachiraaa: HIIIIIIIIIIIII

isagi_y: i wanna cry

bachiraaa: WHAT Y

isagi_y: remember the guy i told you abt.. 😭

bachiraaa: YAAA HIS NAME WAS LIKE KIRA OR SMTH

isagi_y: yeahhhh uuhh

isagi_y: apparently hes leaving this school

bachiraaa: WHAT

bachiraaa: NOOOOOO

bachiraaa: MY BSF WAS JS ABT TO HAVE HIS MOMENT😭

isagi_y: dont say it like that😭

isagi_y: but anyway yeah so i have like absolutely 0 chance

bachiraaa: NOOOOOOOOOO

isagi_y: im gonna go sulk in a corner now

bachiraaa: 😭😭😭

*Read 5 27 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

7 34 PM

kaiser: yoichi hasnt moved for 2 hours

niko: LMFAO WHAT

kaiser: i hope hes dead

niko: wdym he hasnt moved like is he just standing still💀

kaiser: no hes curled up in his bed under the blankets and he hasnt gotten out of that spot for like 2 hours

kaiser: hes probably suffocating

bachira: OMG

bachira: 😭

bachira: NAH HE LITERALLY IS SUFFOCATING MY GUY IS DYING RN

kaiser: hes gone emo

bachira: ISAGI WILL STAY A LONER 4 LIFE

kaiser: wow thats quite depressing

niko: skill issue for him

kaiser: omg he moved after 2.15 hours

bachira: OH

kaiser: shit hes grabbing his phone

kaiser: im out

bachira: LMAOO

isagi: wtf

isagi: I WAS NOT STAYING STILL FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT I WAS SLEEPING I SWEAR

hiori: why are you guys so active on weekends

bachira: cuz isagi

isagi: ok first of all IM NOT EMO IM JUST SAD RN BECAUSE I FOUND OUT I CANT GET WITH THE LOML 😭

bachira: 😔

niko: womp womp

isagi: .

isagi: niko im coming for you

niko: YOURE WHAT NOW

hiori: wow isagi you do know that niko is 2 years younger than us right

isagi: NONOONONOOO STFUU THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT WTFFF

bachira: 🫢

isagi: NIKO IHY I WANNA KMSSSSS

niko: cope

isagi: kys.

bachira: YK ITS BAD WHEN HE ADDS THE .

niko: idgaf lmao😖

-----

May 7th

5 29 AM

reo: another monday

isagi: yup

reo: why tf are you awake isagi

isagi: i woke up early for my morning routine today

reo: how much sleep do you even get??

isagi: not enough

isagi: what about you why are you up this early

reo: i just woke up early because my body knows its monday and time to get ready to attend classes

isagi: damn

kaiser: can you not wake up at fucking 5 am or at least be more quiet when doing whatever the fuck you do

isagi: no

kaiser: die

isagi: womp womp

kaiser: you didnt even use it correctly

isagi: well guess what

isagi: womp womp

reo: lmfaoo

isagi: niko gonna be crying today

reo: wdym

isagi: nothing

reo: no you got me curious

reo: tell me

isagi: nah youll see when he texts about it in this gc

isagi: hes literally a wimp irl

-----

Direct Messages

12 01 PM

bachiraaa: HEYY U ARENT HERE TODAY R U GOOD??

itorin: yea im not feeling well

bachiraaa: AWW

bachiraaa: DY WANT ME TO COME OVER AFTER CLASSES

itorin: i dont care

bachiraaa: OKKK WELL IM GOING TO ANYWAY

bachiraaa: GWS <3

itorin: thanks

bachiraaa: <

itorin: ?

bachiraaa: <

itorin: oh

bachiraaa: <

itorin: 3

bachiraa: 🫶

*Read 12 08 PM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

1 21 PM

niko: charles isnt my friend anymore

isagi: awwwwwww what happened my dear niko?

niko: wtf

niko: im just gonna ignore you

niko: @ur_fav_bbg @eittttt @tabbbbb @kenyuu @itoshisae @michael.k @oaikuo @shuuuto

niko: list all the people in your grade that has black and blonde hair

otoya: emmm what

karasu: aiku has black and green hair

karasu: but why

niko: bro so i had chem 2nd block and i had to change into lab appropriate clothes so iw ent to the change room and changed and after chem class i didnt wanna put my chem bag back in my locker cause im lazy asf and so lunch begins and obv im with charles and after we eat i ask if he wanna go to change room with me to get my chem bag

niko: i was carrying my other bag at the time with all my school stuff and charles was carrying his too and i was like "we should take pictures together on my phone" so we ask kiyora and he comes with us

niko: and we went to the change room and all 3 of us put our bags down on the bench beside my chem bag and then we go to the other area in the change room like further in and i take out my phone and we take a bunch of photos

niko: then these group of boys walk in the change room and there were like 5-6 of them or something and this one guy sits down beside our bags and moved kiyoras bag to the side so his friend could sit

niko: but like my bag? he was like "nah i aint gonna move this one cause i dont wanna touch it" and his friend was like "bro just move the bag"

niko: and they started arguing about who was gonna move the bag

niko: then the "main" guy decides to put his foot on MY BAG and kick it onto the ground and start trashing everything

niko: MIND YOU MY FUCKING COMPUTER WAS IN THERE

niko: so now im fucking pissed and i was about to go tell them to fuck off but then kiyoras like "i know that guy you dont wanna deal with him"

niko: so i was like "who tf is he" and kiyora says "idk specific name but hes like this guy in gr 12 who gets into a lot of trouble often"

niko: GR 12 HE SAID

niko: SPEAK UP

niko: I HAVE FUCKING BEEF TO SETTLE WITH THIS GUY

otoya: theres like quite a lot of people with black and blonde hair

isagi: LFMAOO WHat does this have to do with charles tho

niko: CHARLES' BAG WASNT TOUCHED CAUSE IT WAS FAR TO THE SIDE AND THE CLOSEST BAG TO US SO THEN THIS BITCH GOES TO GET HIS BAG AND WHISPERS "youre on your own" AND HE LEAVES LIKE WTFFFFFF

niko: first of all i was NOT going to get my bag cause these people are literally throwing my things around and shit so i talk to kiyora and im like "lets just go and get our bags later like after they leave"

niko: so we walk out and head off to class. guess what class i had. CHEM. where was my chem stuff. IN THE FUCKING CHANGE ROOM

niko: so now im like "ok im gonna go get my stuff cause i need it for class

niko: FUCKING THANKFULLY THOSE LITTLE SHITS WERENT THERE WHEN I WENT BACK

niko: but MY LAPTOP WAS ON THE GROUND AND MY STUFF WAS SCATTERED EVERYWHERE AND MY BAG WAS ALSO ON THE GROUND ??? LIKE WTFF

niko: AND EVEN MORE I SEE KIYORS BAG WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY IN THE CORNER BUT THEN I SAW THAT IT WAS HUNG UP ON ONE OF THE HOOKS

niko: anyway so i grab my stuff and i check thate veyrthings still there and i get kiyoras bag and i get out of the change room and go to the bio classroom and i give kiyora his bag

niko: AND NOW IM SO FUCKING PISSED AND I WANNA PUNCH SOMEONE BECAUSE GUESS FUCKING WHAT

niko: MY LAPTOP IS BROKEN

niko: ITS FUCKING BROKEN

niko: IM GONNA TRACK THAT MF DOWN

reo: isagi

isagi: reo go to class

reo: im in class

reo: isagi

isagi: REO IM MUTING YOU STOP

niko: what

isagi: ok niko im sorry i didnt think itd go that far LMFAOO IT WAS FUNNY THO nanase came up to me cause he said he was looking for kiyora and when he went in the change room he heard a bunch of crashing💀

niko: what the fuck do you mean you didnt think its go that far

isagi: I DIDNT KNOW YOUR LAPTOP WAS GONNA BREAK

isagi: ILL BUY YOU A NEW ONE

niko: what the fuck do you mean

niko: what the fuck are you talking about

reo: isagi

isagi: REOOOO HELP

isagi: ok listen so i mightve like paid some 12th graders to mess around with you but i dIDNT THINK THEYD GO THAT FAR I SWEAR

niko: i want 10 new laptops of the most expensive you can find and an extra 50 000 to compensate

isagi: NO STOP NIKO IM NOT THAT RICH PLS

isagi: GO FIND THE 12TH GRADERS FOR THAT I TECHNICALLY WASNT THE ONE WHO BROKE YOUR LAPTOP

niko: you just said youd buy me a new one

isagi: I SAID A NEW ONE

isagi: A

isagi: NOT 10 AND EXTRA MONEY

niko: too fucking bad

sendou: niko are you talking about okawa

niko: who tf

niko: wait actually i think that was his name

niko: bc i heard one of his friends go "what are you doing okawa lol" or something similar

sendou: it was probably him

isagi: yeah niko go ask okawa for your compensation

isagi: also in my defense niko said womp womp to me when i was upset

niko: womp fucking womp

isagi: 😐

otoya: is charles acc not your friend anymore lol

niko: thin ice

niko: literal thin ice

otoya: damn

-----

3 21 PM

bachira: DID ANYONE HEAR THAT ANNOUNCEMENT

isagi: what announcement my math class is too loud

bachira: IMAGINE HAVING LAST BLOCK MATH

bachira: NYWAY EGO SAID WERE GOING TO THE CITY FOR 3 DAYS????

bachira: ON MAY 22ND

niko: how nice is it to get freedom from this jail lmao

niko: its a gr 11/12 only trip so stupid

bachira: YAAA I FEEL SO LUCKYY

isagi: what does he mean by were going to the city

bachira: ITS LIKE A TRIP TO THE CITY AND WE STAY IN HOTEL ROOMS FOR 3 DAYS

bachira: ANYWAY MY POINT IS WE CHOOSE 3 OTHER PPL TO BE WITH IN OUR ROOMS BCUZ ITS 4 PPL PER ROOM BUT LIKE WE ONLY GET ONE PERSON THAT WE CHOOSE GUARANTEED

isagi: what

isagi: youre so confusing bachi😭

bachira: 😔

isagi: oh theres another announcement

bachira: YA SEE HE SAID WE HAVE 3 PPL FOR REQUESTS TO BE IN A ROOM WITH AND THEYLL GUARANTEE US AT LEAST ONE PERSON WE CHOOSE

isagi: ohhh

bachira: YAA

bachira: UM

bachira: WTF WE HAVE TO CHOOSE OUR REQUESTS BEFORE 5 PM TODAY???? SO SPECIFIC

isagi: damn

isagi: ill think of mine when i get to my dorm

bachira: OKK

*Read 3 29 PM*

-----

FG GC BUT NO CHIGIRI??

3 34 PM

bachiraaa: OK SO WHO WE ALL CHOOSING

isagi_y: idrk yet

isagi_y: theres 5 of us and its supposedly a 4 person group

mikagereo: im fine rooming with chigiri but idk about you guys

hero: Honestly same

isagi_y: i am absolutely not rooming with chigiri and i will literally talk to ego about it if he does end up rooming me with him

mikagereo: oh

bachiraaa: I FEEL LIKE THINGS WOULD STILL BE AWKWARD WITH ME N CHIGIRI

isagi_y: maybe chigiris gonna room with aryu and yuki

mikagereo: im gonna pick sei and tell them that idc who else

isagi_y: lmfaoo okay

sei_ro: im picking reo n isagi n otoya

mikagereo: idrk about otoya sei im not close with him

sei_ro: its ok

sei_ro: hes my good friend

isagi_y: i honestly might just not pick at all

isagi_y: @bachiraaa ?

bachiraaa: IDK I MIGHT JS GO WITH KURONA HIORI N RIN

bachiraaa: also rinnie said hes not gonna choose bcuz he doesnt wanna write an email and hes lazy rn

mikagereo: rin??

bachiraaa: YA?

hero: Isn't he a year younger

bachiraaa: YA LOL BUT HE SKIPPED UP ENOUGH GRADES TO PASS FOR THIS

sei_ro: then y dont we js do me reo isagi kuni

sei_ro: if bachi is picking them

hero: Sure

hero: But I'd feel bad for Chigiri

isagi_y: im fine with it

mikagereo: hmmm idrk

mikagereo: this is hard

mikagereo: maybe i should just pick yuki were pretty good buddies

bachiraaa: WAIT GUYS WHO DO WE EMAIL?

isagi_y: anri

bachiraaa: YAYY

sei_ro: do i need a gd format

bachiraaa: NOPE ANRI ACCEPTS HORRIBLE FORMATTING LOL

-----

Direct Messages

5 02 PM

egojinpachi: Do we have all the emails in?

anriteieri: Yeah! We do, I'm going through all of them right now.

anriteieri: Some of these emails include weird requests!

egojinpachi: You can figure it out, right?

anriteieri: Of course.

*Read 5 04 PM*

-----

Anri Teieri -Email

21 New Emails --- Read All --- Select All --- Unread All --- Write New Email

---otoyaeita@email

Hi, Anri

The three people I would like to request in my group are Karasu Tabito, Yukimiya Kenyu, and Itoshi Sae. Thank you.

---karasutabito@email

1=Otoya Eita, 2=Yukimiya Kenyu 4=Shidou Ryusei

---yukimiyakenyu@email

Hello, Anri

My chosen people are Mikage Reo, Aryu Jyubei, and Julian Loki. Also, if Karasu Tabito or Otoya Eita put me on their list, please ignore that and put then with people that do not include me, thank you for understanding.

Kind regards, Yukimiya

---kuronaranze@email

Hi Anri! I'd like to be put with either Hiori, Isagi, Bachira, or Ness please! I know that's four people, but I guess my top choice would be Ness if you'd count that, thanks thanks!

---hioriyo@email

Hello, Anri. My requests for roommates are Kurona Ranze, Bachira Meguru, and Itoshi Rin.

-Hiori Yo

---nessalexis@email

Hello Anri. I would like it if I was put with Michael, and maybe Kurona Ranze. I do not have any other requests, but if you need exactly 3, then Hiori Yo too!

---bachirameguru@email

HI ANRI!! I AM SO GLAD I CAN EMAIL U LIKE THIS BCUZ EGO WILL GET MAD IT ME IF I EMAIL HIM IN THIS FORMAT BUT ANYWAY MY 3 PPL R RIN AND KURONA AND HIORI!!! BUT LIKE ESPECIALLY RIN BUT ITD STILL BE GREAT IF U COULD DO ALL <33

---baroushouei@email

My request is to not go. Thank you.

---nagiseishiro@email

literally any1 but chigiri. id appreciate being put w/ reo tho. n myb otoya n hiori

---isagiyoichi@email

Hello Anri!

The 3 people I have chosen are:

-Nagi Seishiro, Kunigami Rensuke, and Mikage Reo (If this isn't possible, Kurona Ranze, Hiori Yo, and Otoya Eita are alright too)

Also, I have a special request and that is to ask if it's possibly for you to not put me in the same room as Chigiri Hyoma, thank you!

---kunigamirensuke@email

Hello, Anri

I do not mind much who I am with, but my top three choices are Mikage Reo, Chigiri Hyoma, and Julian Loki.

Sincerely, Kunigami Rensuke

---kaisermichael@email

Will our choices be leaked to other people? Please change my email into *First Name, Last Name*. That's my request for you, and please email back with an answer.

---teierianri@email REPLY

Apologies, Kaiser. We cannot change your email to a different format since everybody's need to be "last name-first name". It is a school policy. No, your choices will not be leaked to anybody else but Ego.

---kaisermichael@email REPLY

Alright, thank you. My two choices are Alexis and Itoshi.

---teierianri@email REPLY

Hi, Kaiser. You will need to specify which Itoshi. Sorry if you were confused about whether Itoshi Rin was going or not, he is.

---kaisermichael@email REPLY

Itoshi Sae is what it was supposed to be, but on second thought I can have three choices, so both.

---itoshisae@email

Hello, if it's possible, I'd like to ask if I'm allowed to not attend this trip. If it's better for me to, then my three picks are Otoya Eita, Julian Loki, and Yukimiya Kenyu.

---shidouryusei@email

heyyyy anri soooo i heard that you are the one that makes the groups??? can you pretty please please please please please please please please please please please please please put me in a room with itoshi sae?? i will literally do anything for you. also if its possible try to avoid putting me with the other itoshi. i dont like that one. and ig karasus a chill guy too

---chigirihyoma@email

Hi, Anri! My three requests are Kunigami Rensuke, Aryu Jyubei, and Mikage Reo. Thank you!

---tokimitsuaoshi@email

Hi Anri! I'd like to be put with Aryu please! And maybe Zantetsu too! Sorry if this is too much to ask for!

---egojinpachi@email

Tell them requests are closed now and they can't change anything.

---teierianri@email REPLY

Some people didn't email me their choices, but I'm on it!

Notes:

WOW ACYA GIVES YOU AN EARLIER THAN EXPECTED UPDATE?? YESSSSS I DECIDED TO DITCH HOMEWORK AND DO THIS INSTEAD LMFAOO
i think i have like everything planned out pretty much and i might add in some mini arcs for other characters💋

Chapter 21: youll be the saddest part of me

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Måneskin's "THE LONELIEST"

kaisagi arc chapter 2

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-implied suicide
-mentioned suicide
-mentioned suicide attempts
-suicidal thoughts

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

May 8th

12 03 PM

hiori: guys the groups are out on the board in the caf

hiori: come check it

bachira: WHAT GROUPS R OUT ALRD??

hiori: yes

nanase: you guys are so lucky!

hiori: hiii nanase

nanase: heyy!

bachira: WAIT IM GONNA TAKE A PICTURE AND SEND IT TO THE PPL WHO ARENT HERE YET

*bachiraaa has sent an attachment to the group chat*

---The picture shows a piece of paper attached to a board.

11/12 CITY TRIP (For May 22-25)

GROUP 1 -- Karasu Tabito // Itoshi Sae // Otoya Eita // Shidou Ryusei

GROUP 2 -- Hiori Yo // Bachira Meguru // Itoshi Rin

GROUP 3 -- Kurona Ranze // Isagi Yoichi // Ness Alexis // Kaiser Michael

GROUP 4 -- Nagi Seishiro // Yukimiya Kenyu // Mikage Reo // Julian Loki

GROUP 5 -- Chigiri Hyoma // Aryu Jyubei // Tokimitsu Aoshi // Kunigami Rensuke

GROUP 6 -- Aiku Oliver // Barou Shouei // Tsuguri Zantetsu // Sendou Shuuto

!DISCLAIMER!

One group has three people because we have an uneven number.

bachira: ALSO THE OTHER PAPER IS FOR GROUPS OUTSIDE OF THE SOCCER PROGRAM

karasu: how is that possible

hiori: how is what possible

karasu: why isnt yuki in my group😿

otoya: bc he hates us lmao

hiori: damn

bachira: 3 PERSON GROUP😖

isagi: .

isagi: im gonna email anri and ask to switch groups

kaiser: crazy how i was about to do the exact same thing

bachira: GUYSS GET ALONGGG

isagi: we already room together on campus we shouldnt be rooming together off campus

bachira: YA WELL OTOYA AND SAE ARE ROOMMATES ON CAMPUS TOO

isagi: whatever

-----

Direct Messages

10 46 PM

bachiraaa: HEYYY

bachiraaa: U PROMISED UD TELL ME THE ENTIRE STORY SOMETIME

itorin: what

itorin: oh

itorin: right

itorin: im not gonna say any names here because i dont want a ton of shit to go down if this information is leaked

bachiraaa: ALRR

itorin: so my friend (the one who committed)

itorin: he has an older brother whos the same age as sae

itorin: and so when his older brother met sae, i met him (i was 12 and he was 13)

itorin: and we became friends

itorin: i originally didnt really like him

itorin: when i was 12 (he was 13), his older brother (who was 14) ran away from their house which is when i met him through sae

itorin: and so a year later, he told me how hard it was for him that his older brother ran away

itorin: it was a weird situation, like his brother was never in contact with his family but i met him because sae texted me that he met someone with a younger brother (the friend) and sae gave me his contact

itorin: so we never really met but we did call/video call pretty often

itorin: and the more time passed, the more we shared with each other

itorin: then i started realizing that he was so much like me

itorin: we both have family issues and other things

itorin: and so i felt comfortable enough with him and i started to get into a habit of venting to him like almost every day

itorin: remember when i told you that his death is my fault

bachiraaa: ya i remember

itorin: yea

itorin: it quite literally is

itorin: i didnt realize how much it had affected him that he had to deal with me ranting on and on while keeping his own story to himself

itorin: he was 16

itorin: i found out because his parents went through his phone and texted me about it

itorin: you know what ill just give you the password to his account

bachiraaa: OKKK

itorin: the username is matt_ksr and the password is 3423098

itorin: start reading at the top of april 12th

*Read 11 04 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

April 12th *1 year ago*

9 27 PM

matt_ksr: You know my brother right?

matt_ksr: My parent's wanted him to be a doctor or some type of shit but he chose to pursue soccer instead

matt_ksr: In my family he's deemed a faliure

matt_ksr: But after he left they put more pressure on me because they don't want two faliures

itorin: i see

itorin: mines more like "hes talented so you should also be talented"

matt_ksr: A little different then

itorin: yea

itorin: sometimes i feel like i just dont have anything to do here

matt_ksr: In the world you mean?

itorin: yea

itorin: theres nothing i want

itorin: theres nothing i need

matt_ksr: Nonsense

itorin: in fact i wished the sun exploded right when i was born

matt_ksr: You said you want to find love right?

itorin: yea but theres no point if that 'want' wont be reality

itorin: i kill time because i want to hurry up and finally die

matt_ksr: Am I supposed to encourage you to die?

itorin: i dont know

matt_ksr: Also

matt_ksr: You don't want to die

matt_ksr: I know because I've been in that state myself

matt_ksr: When I got out of the hospital

matt_ksr: I attempted again

matt_ksr: Immediately

matt_ksr: And again and again

matt_ksr: Until I finally got tired

matt_ksr: And gave up

matt_ksr: And realized I couldn't die

matt_ksr: And that's when I realized my life had purpose

matt_ksr: Because God spared me

matt_ksr: It's fine if you don't believe in God

matt_ksr: The thing is

matt_ksr: When you attempt many times and fail

matt_ksr: You learn that you have purpose

matt_ksr: You don't want to die

itorin: its not the fact i want to or dont want to

itorin: its the fact that im scared to

itorin: im fucking scared

matt_ksr: Then don't die

matt_ksr: Live to live

matt_ksr: Don't live to just 'be here'

-----

April 14th

9 21 AM

matt_ksr: My mom gets really childish sometimes

matt_ksr: Like she has been acting more and more of a child for the past 2 years

matt_ksr: Anyways remember my plan?

matt_ksr: You've finally given me the courage to put it into action

matt_ksr: I'm starting by talking to the counsellor seriously this afternoon

matt_ksr: And I won't give in to pressure

-----

2 33 PM

itorin: i know this isnt gonna be true but i really suggest for your parents to see a therapist or a some kind of doctor

-Reply to matt_ksr: You've finally given..

itorin: how did it go?

-----

6 16 PM

itorin: you know im starting to get a little worried

itorin: you good?

-----

9 43 PM

itorin: hello?

itorin: if you dont respond by tomorrow afternoon im calling you

itorin: ..

itorin: dont tell me your "plan" failed and now you have no way out

-----

April 15th

1 06 AM

itorin: im actually worried

-----

9 24 AM

itorin: are you ok?

-----

2 10 PM

*itorin has started a voice call* -MISSED

itorin: im starting to get really worried

*itorin has started a voice call* -MISSED

itorin: fuck you

itorin: answer the fucking call

*itorin has started a voice call* -MISSED

-----

4 08 PM

itorin: i just really wanna know whats going on right now

-----

11 29 PM

itorin: fuck you

-----

April 16th

4 29 AM

itorin: i hope you fucking die

itorin: answer me you fucking dipshit

itorin: clown

itorin: kill yourself

itorin: i dont even know what i was expecting

itorin: everyone always leaves

*Read Just Now*

-----

Notes:

if anyones confused, blue lock is a school that is specified for soccer training but you can still go there without needing to do anything soccer related. the soccer tryhards (characters lmao) have their own section in the school and do things together that are separated from the other people

Chapter 22: gonna drink away all my feelings and no its not gonna heal me

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Måneskin's "DON'T WANNA SLEEP"

kaisagi arc chapter 3

Notes:

incase you forgot: ALL TEXT IN OTHER LANGUAGES ARE TRANSLATED! HOVER YOUR CURSOR OVER THE LINK FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THE TRANSLATION WILL POP UP. if youre on mobile i guess youll have to manually translate it with a translator im sorry 😭
!CONTENT WARNING!
-alcohol
-violence
-consumption of alcohol
-underage drinking

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Isagi wakes up to a sound of glass cracking. When he opens his eyes, he can see that it's still dark outside.

He sits up and rubs his eyes, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He opens his phone and checks the time. It reads "12: 19".

He stares at the other, standing in front of him facing the same wall that he just threw a bottle of wine at. Isagi hears him speak in a low, quiet voice. "I don't know, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Isagi, confused, replies. "It's fucking midnight. You better not get that shit near me."

"Why? You're over the age of 16 and we share a room, so that isn't really my problem."

"What the fuck? The legal drinking age is 20, are you OK in the head?"

"Does it look like I'm OK in the head?"

"Stop conversing with me.. oh my god. How much did you even drink? You're obviously out of it right now."

Isagi gets up and walks towards the mess on the ground. There were shards of glass scattered around and he noticed a second bottle of the same wine, opened, on Kaiser's desk. "What the actual fuck?"

Kaiser, on the other hand, sits down on the ground and wraps both his hands around his neck, making many of short gasps. "..Traum, ..ein Traum, recht? recht? recht?"

"..What the fuck..." Isagi whispers to himself while he goes up to Kaiser and starts shaking his shoulders. "Hey.. hey! Wake up!"

His eyes were closed and he was spouting things that Isagi couldn't understand. "recht? recht?"

".."

Kaiser opens his eyes and stares at the person shaking him. "Recht, Yoichi, recht?"

"You've gone fucking insane. Wake the fuck up for fucks sake." Isagi debates whether or not to go find either Ego or Anri, or maybe even Ness, but he decides that he's too tired.

In response, Isagi heard German once again. "Aufwecken.. aufwecken.. aufwecken?"

Isagi concluded that Kaiser wouldn't get up or come back to his senses anytime soon. With that, he grabs his phone.

-----

Direct Messages

May 9th

12 34 AM

*isagi_y has started a voice call* -UNANSWERED

isagi_y: ness please answer

isagi_y: hello?

*isagi_y has started a voice call* -UNANSWERED

isagi_y: fuck

*Unread*

-----

Direct Messages

12 35 AM

*isagi_y has started a voice call*

Isagi- Hi, Oh my god thank you for picking up

Kunigami- Hey Isagi, why are you calling at this time of night?

Isagi- Ness is your roommate, right?

Kunigami- Yeah, do you need to talk to him? He's sleeping right now

Isagi- Figured, but could you wake him up please? It's urgent

Kunigami- Uh, sure

Kunigami- Ness. Ness!

Ness- Mnh?

Kunigami- Hey, sorry for waking you up. Isagi says he needs to talk to you

Ness- Right- Right now?

Isagi- Yes!

Kunigami- Ok, I'll hand Ness my phone for now. You two talk

Isagi- Thank you!

Ness- Hi Isagi, It's very late right now

Isagi- Yes, I'm sorry for disturbing you at this time, but I need your help. Kaiser's gone crazy

Ness- Was?

Isagi- He's-

Kaiser- Alex? Ist das Alex?

Ness- Mihya?

Ness- Mihya! Was geschieht!?

Kaiser- Ich träume

Ness- Was?

Kaiser- Ich träume recht? recht?

Isagi- He's been repeating that for like 5 minutes now

Ness- Isagi, may I come over to your room and get him?

Isagi- Yes, please

Ness- OK

Kunigami- Uh so Ness just left. Is he coming to you?

Isagi- Yeah, thanks

Kunigami- No problem, but I'm going to sleep now

Isagi- Alright, bye

*Call has ended*

-----

After Isagi put his phone down, Kaiser laid on the floor, silent.

"Hey, are you there?" Isagi leaned over the other and waved his hand over his eyes.

Kaiser blinked with no response.

"Fuck.." Isagi sighed.

A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door. Isagi got up and walked towards the door, when he opened it, Ness rushed in and knelt down to Kaiser's side, looking panicked.

Isagi closed the door was walked to the other two. "I woke up to him throwing that at the wall," he points to the broken glass on the floor. "Then he started repeating words in German."

Ness looked up at Isagi, and looked back into Kaiser's eyes. "Mihya!" He cupped Kaiser's face in his hands. "Mihya, ich bin's, Alexis. Können Sie sprechen? Hallo?"

There wasn't a response.

Ness turned to Isagi, "May I stay here for the night?"

"Yeah, of course!" Isagi responded.

He started to pick up the large pieces of glass on the floor and put them in the garbage can while Ness carried Kaiser onto Kaiser's bed. Ness started saying things that Isagi couldn't understand. "Das gesetzliche Mindestalter für den Alkoholkonsum ist nicht mehr 16, Mihya."

"Ah.." Kaiser replied.

Isagi decided to go back to sleep, letting Ness deal with his friend.

-----

Direct Messages

May 9th

10 38 AM

michael.k: hi

michael.k: i dont exactly remember what happened but i do know that i was a bit drunk

michael.k: sorry about that

michael.k: i forgot japan has different laws

-Reply to michael.k: i dont exact..

isagi_y: "a bit"

isagi_y: wtf were you even thinking

michael.k: idk

isagi_y: youre not going to classes today right

michael.k: no im still in the dorm

isagi_y: is ness with you

michael.k: ness?

isagi_y: yeah? he took care of you last night

michael.k: he did?

isagi_y: was he not with you when you woke up?

michael.k: no? is he supposed to be

isagi_y: idk i thought he would

michael.k: oh

*Read 10 46 AM*

-----

Direct Messages

10 46 AM

michael.k: alex

michael.k: was ist passiert?

alexis.n: Sie haben viel getrunken

alexis.n: Und Sie sagten, Sie würden träumen

michael.k: au

alexis.n: Ja

michael.k: ok

alexis.n: 👍

*Read 10 51 AM*

-----

Notes:

CHAPTER 260??? OMG???? KAISER MY LOVE <333 i wanna cry rn
this was a kinda short chapter but ill compensate with the next one i promise (trust me please)

Chapter 23: i am hurting. i have lost it all. i am losing. help me to breathe

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from bôa's "Duvet"

kaisagi arc chapter 4

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of drug use
-mention of severe drug use
-mention of suicide
-suicidal thoughts

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 10th

1 22 AM

isagi_y: your music taste is awful stop blasting it at midnight plssss

michael.k: do you wanna know something

michael.k: all those songs that i "blast" at 2 am to study

michael.k: its not that i like those songs because of the music

michael.k: all of those songs that i "like" are just songs that contain lyrics i relate to

michael.k: i mean some maybe most are good songs in general but thats not the point

isagi_y: ok MICHAEL idc

michael.k: well youre talking about my music taste so im explaining

michael.k: also did you know youve been pronouncing it wrong every time you call me that

isagi_y: what

isagi_y: acc????

michael.k: yes

michael.k: its pronounced "mih-ee-yael"

isagi_y: wtf

isagi_y: its a silent "ch"???

michael.k: yes yoichi

isagi_y: 😨

*Read 1 35 AM*

-----

May 11th

7 34 PM

michael.k: hi

isagi_y: what

michael.k: i just did something really stupid and now i need help

isagi_y: deal with it yourself

micheal.k: so rude yoichi

isagi_y: why do you need my help out of everyone

michael.k: youre my roommate->you and bachira are friends->bachiras dating rin->rin is saes brother->i did something to sae

isagi_y: how tf am i supposed to help

michael.k: tell bachira to make sure rins doing ok

isagi_y: why

michael.k: just do it

isagi_y: why do you need to make sure rins doing ok

michael.k: i owe him

isagi_y: why???????

isagi_y: wtf

michael.k: just ask bachira to stay by rins side

isagi_y: 😐

*Read 7 39 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

7 40 PM

*isagi_y has sent an attachment*

---michael.k: tell bachira to make sure rins doing ok

isagi_y: why

michael.k: just do it

isagi_y: why do you need to make sure rins doing ok

michael.k: i owe him

isagi_y: why???????

isagi_y: wtf

michael.k: just ask bachira to stay by rins side

bachiraaa: UHHH

bachiraaa: OH

bachiraaa: OFCOFC BUT Y

isagi_y: he wont tell me💀

bachiraaa: UMMM OKK

*Read 7 43 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

8 27 PM

michael.k: ill tell you why

isagi_y: ok thanks

michael.k: did you know i had a younger brother

michael.k: his name is matthias

michael.k: i called him matt

isagi_y: how does this relate to why you need rin to be ok

michael.k: he killed himself last year

isagi_y: .

michael.k: it was as if i failed at being a big brother

michael.k: like when i met sae in spain when i was 14 he introduced me to rin and matt and rin became really good friends

michael.k: and sae was just

michael.k: he treated rin so well

michael.k: like he cared so much for him

michael.k: and even last year when matt was still alive

michael.k: rin and sae had like this huge conflict and even so sae still talked to me about how he loved rin so much and how he wish he was a better sibling

michael.k: but in my eyes he was already a great sibling

michael.k: and i thought about me

michael.k: if he thinks that hes a bad sibling then what am i

michael.k: and at that moment i thought "im such a bad brother"

michael.k: "i dont deserve to be matts older brother if i cant act like a decent one"

michael.k: cause yeah i ran away from my house when i was 14 and thats when i met sae in spain

michael.k: but i didnt tell matt that i was gonna leave

michael.k: and now i regret everything bc i was never there for him when i shouldve been

michael.k: i knew how abusive my father was and i knew that if i left then he would be the one getting abused

michael.k: yet i left anyway

michael.k: and so when he hung himself i knew instantly that it was my fault

michael.k: i didnt even know that he died until 4 days after when rin sent me a whole essay

michael.k: and in that essay he said that he blames me for matts death bc i was a shitty brother which i agree with

michael.k: but then 2 days after he texted me again and he said that he was sorry for blaming me and that he instead blames himself after thinking about it for a long time

michael.k: and i was just thinking "why would you not blame me?"

michael.k: and then i found out that he hung himself at alexs apartment

michael.k: bc he and alex were good friends

michael.k: and instantly i blamed alex for all of this bc why would matt commit suicide at alexs apartment

michael.k: it means that alex was there with him and didnt stop him from dying

michael.k: so alex owes me

michael.k: thats why he does everything i tell him to

michael.k: but now i feel like

michael.k: i shouldnt have blamed alex in the first place

michael.k: the only person to blame is me

michael.k: like i regret the things ive done to alex and i regret the things ive done to matt

michael.k: ive been so rude to alex yet he still sticks by me because ive told his brain that he owes me and that its his fault

michael.k: and now i just

michael.k: i want alex to be happy

michael.k: as someone who was actually there for matt unlike me

michael.k: and its the same for rin

michael.k: they were both there for him and its like they were the brother to him that i had never been

michael.k: so yeah i owe rin quite a lot honestly

michael.k: that should answer your question on why

isagi_y: oh

michael.k: thats it? oh?

isagi_y: you cant just trauma dump and expect me to come up with a perfect response

michael.k: fair

isagi_y: what was the "stupid thing" that you did to sae

michael.k: sae used to do drugs all the time and i did too

michael.k: except the only difference is that he stopped and i didnt

michael.k: when we met again here in blue lock i got him back into the addiction and now hes at the hospital because he went too far with it this time

michael.k: i dont deserve to be in this world

michael.k: ive ruined everyone around me

michael.k: i just feel like sometimes everyone including myself hates me

michael.k: like idk how to put it

michael.k: i feel like trash

michael.k: its like the worl is caving in on me and i just cant fucking do anything about it so im left here to just patiently wait until i die

michael.k: but i dont want to wait for any fucking longer

michael.k: like im tired

michael.k: im fucking tired

michael.k: im sick of everything

michael.k: so im leaving

michael.k: and thats that

michael.k: and theres nothing that can stop me

michael.k: im just so fucking done i cant live anymore and it just feels like i wanna die already and just not live like evry single time i go to sleep i always pray that i sleep for longer because it feels like death btu then i wake up to the horror of anotehr dya

michael.k: like do you ever think about the 'tomorrow" thats always coming but then you start thinking tgath you dont really want the tomorrow to come anymore because you dojt wanna liuve through anohter day and its sjut so fucking tiring

michael.k: i justw anna fuckng die but i know im too fucking scared to but i also dont know why im scared to or what im scared of because i know that if i just die then everything will be better for me and for everyone else

michael.k: nobodys gonna care if i just die

michael.k: im just a random person in a world with billions of people

michael.k: theres no point in me living

isagi_y: you say that but think for a second

isagi_y: matthias was also just a random person in a world with billions of people

isagi_y: yet his death impacted so many. like you for example

isagi_y: his death affected you so badly that youre trying to repeat the same thing

isagi_y: so you cant js say that "nobodys gonna care"

michael.k: do you wanna know why i was drinking so much the other day

michael.k: i went into my dms and i couldve sworn that i saw that matt was online

michael.k: i didnt wanna believe it so i engulfed myself in alcohol

michael.k: its actually not a bad method tbh

isagi_y: you saw that he was online? but if that was before you took alcohol then doesnt that mean he WAS ACTUALLY online?

michael.k: idk idc i dont wanna know

isagi_y: how tf can you say that? send a message see if hes still alive and if everything was js false or not

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Direct Messages

8 54 PM

michael.k: .

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Direct Messages

8 54 PM

michael.k: i sent a .

isagi_y: also where are you rn youve been gone for ages

michael.k: im at the hospital

michael.k: i told you that

isagi_y: no

isagi_y: you told me that saes in the hospital

michael.k: im staying

isagi_y: ok

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Direct Messages

8 57 PM

matt_ksr: omg i forgor to log out of this acc

matt_ksr: WAIT R U KAISER????

matt_ksr: OMG

matt_ksr: HOW DO U KNOW MATTHIAS

michael.k: what the fuck

michael.k: who is this

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Direct Messages

8 59 PM

isagi_y: did he respond

michael.k: its somebody else

michael.k: what was i expecting

michael.k: im so delusional

isagi_y: tfym its someone else

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Direct Messages

9 00 PM

matt_ksr: ?? wait im acc so confused rn

matt_ksr: this is bachira from school gr 11

michael.k: how the fuck do you have access to his account

matt_ksr: still so confused

matt_ksr: rinnie gave me the password

michael.k: what the hell why

michael.k: nvm

michael.k: ok

michael.k: what do you think "ksr" stands for

matt_ksr: u mean like matthias' user??

matt_ksr: OH

matt_ksr: ..

matt_ksr: wait wtf r u the person who ran away from his home

matt_ksr: .

matt_ksr: holdup im logging out

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Direct Messages

9 04 PM

bachiraaa: RINNIE WTFFFF

bachiraaa: MATTHIAS' OLDER BROTHER IS KAISER??????????

itorin: how the fuck do you know that

bachiraaa: CUZ I FORGOT TO LOG OUT OF HIS ACC ON MY COMPUTER AND I GOT A NOTIFICATION FROM KAISER

itorin: .

itorin: wait

itorin: why did isagi tell you to "take care of me" again?

bachiraaa: IDK ILL ASK

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Direct Messages

9 07 PM

bachiraaa: HEYY

bachiraaa: Y DID KAISER NEED U TO GET ME TO STAY BY RINNIES SIDE AGAIN??

isagi_y: uhh

isagi_y: ok so kaiser just told me that you were in somebody elses account

bachiraaa: ERMM YA KINDA

isagi_y: apparently kaiser "owes" rin and saes in the hospital rn so he wants rin to be ok

bachiraaa: ?? WHAT

isagi_y: yeah

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Direct Messages

9 11 PM

bachiraaa: APPARENTLY KAISER OWES U AND SAES IN THE HOSPITAL RN AND KAISER WANTS U TO BE OK ???

itorin: oh

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: SO LIKE

bachiraaa: R U OK ABT THAT

itorin: i wouldnt care

itorin: he isnt even a brother to me honestly he can die for all i care

bachiraaa: thats a slash jay right

itorin: no its slash genuine

bachiraaa: rinnie dont u think thats a bit far

itorin: no

bachiraaa: oh

bachiraaa: ok then

bachiraaa: i rlly think u should try to think better of him because after all u guys r blood related

itorin: well i wish we werent

bachiraaa: rinnie

itorin: what

bachiraaa: nvm

bachiraaa: im sorry

itorin: why

bachiraaa: nvmnvm

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: ily <3

itorin: i love you too

bachiraaa: <33

*Read 9 28 PM*

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Chapter 24: theres no excuse for the things he did but theres a lot at home that hes dealing with 'cause his dads been drunk since he was a kid

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Alec Benjamin's "Boy in the Bubble"

kaisagi arc chapter 5

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of abuse
-mention of overdosage
-mention of alcohol consumption
-mention of suicide attempt
-mention of suicide

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 12th

12 21 PM

kenyuu: hey reo

kenyuu: i heard a lot about whats been going on with chigiri

kenyuu: but chigiris a good friend of mine and you are too

kenyuu: so i dont really want this to affect us being economics partners

mikagereo: yeah but rn there isnt really a conflict between the two of us

mikagereo: its more like a conflict between my fg and him especially sei so nothing should be affected with our relationship at least

mikagereo: and even if we side differently with chigiri then that shouldnt affect how we see each other

kenyuu: ohh alright

kenyuu: yeah it shouldnt

kenyuu: i just kinda feel like your friend group has been really rude to chigiri this past week

mikagereo: i mean i still hang out with them because sei and i have been friends since forever and tbh isagi and bachira are good people and i like them

mikagereo: but i also try to include chigiri in the things we do although sometimes chigiri is reluctant to join

mikagereo: hes been hanging out more with you and aryu

kenyuu: yeah he has

-Reply to mikagereo: but i also try..

kenyuu: chigiri tells me that you guys leave him out though

mikagereo: id never intentionally leave him out but i feel like isagi and sei dont want chigiri to hang out with us anymore

mikagereo: but then again both kunigami and i are still wanting to stay friends with chigiri so its kinda an awkward situation rn

mikagereo: we dont really know how its gonna work out

kenyuu: i see

kenyuu: so ill just let you guys deal with this whole thing then

mikagereo: yeah i wouldnt recommend getting involved

kenyuu: okay but just so you know

kenyuu: chigiri tells me a lot and if anything gets too out of hand then im probably gonna start thinking about sides although i really wanna stay neutral

mikagereo: okkk

*Read 12 28 PM*

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Direct Messages

1 46 PM

itoshisae: hi

itoshisae: i just woke up

michael.k: hi

michael.k: im sorry

itoshisae: why

michael.k: because you overdosed

itoshisae: how is that your fault

itoshisae: im just texting to tell you that im fine and you dont have to stay overnight at the hospital for me

michael.k: who told you that

itoshisae: why does it matter

michael.k: ok

itoshisae: youre apologizing for the wrong thing

michael.k: i thought we were over that

itoshisae: you were over that for about a year now

itoshisae: i was never over it

michael.k: i already explained myself

michael.k: im not apologizing for something that isnt my fault

itoshisae: your excuse of a justification doesnt make me feel better

michael.k: all i said was the truth

itoshisae: and the truth doesnt justify anything

michael.k: well what the fuck did you want me to say

itoshisae: something that isnt just "i was being abused"

michael.k: tf? how did you want me to elaborate on that

itoshisae: i dont know but you cant call that a justification. your actions are your actions and you make them with your own decisions, its your fault

michael.k: if youre so sure that it was all "my fault" then why even bother getting me to explain myself

itoshisae: i never said i was "so sure" that it was your fault. i said that your past explanation wasnt a good one

michael.k: tf you want me to do then

itoshisae: thats for you to figure out

michael.k: youre so fucking annoying

itoshisae: thank you

michael.k: why are you like this

itoshisae: no

itoshisae: why are you like this?

michael.k: why am i like what?

itoshisae: you hate your father

itoshisae: you shouldnt become him

michael.k: shut the fuck up

itoshisae: why did you continue to do exactly what he did when you hated him

michael.k: you know what? you act like youre always so fucking right all the time. hate to break it to you but it isnt such a bad idea to just disappear from this world

michael.k: you cant even list one person who you know for a fact likes you because im telling you right now that there is absolutely nobody out there who does

michael.k: and the reason why im exactly like him is because i cant escape genetics. to be completely honest, maybe i even understood him

itoshisae: so this is what you want to do?

itoshisae: do you not see how shidou is so fucking obsessed with me?

itoshisae: and youre fucking crazy for "understanding" a fucking abuser

michael.k: do you really think he actually likes you?

michael.k: you and i both know damn well that nobody could ever like you

michael.k: maybe if your parents did then somebody would

michael.k: maybe if youd be a bit better to rin then somebody would

michael.k: but no. because you decided to ruin everything with both your family and your friends

itoshisae: who ruined what? you couldnt even call us "friends"

itoshisae: and that was entirely your fault

itoshisae: i know ive been shitty to rin but what about you?

michael.k: you never learn to shut up

itoshisae: last i checked i wasnt the one with a younger brother who killed himself because of me

*Read 1 59 PM*

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Direct Messages

2 03 PM

itorin: hi

bachiraaa: HEYYY

bachiraaa: U DIDNT TEXT BACK IN THE MORNING

itorin: i just woke up

bachiraaa: ?????? HOW

itorin: i dont know i slept a bit late

bachiraaa: WHEN

itorin: around 8

bachiraaa: BUT U WERE TEXTING ME AT LIKE 9

itorin: yea but that was 9 post meridiem

bachiraaa: wTF IS POST MERIDIEM

itorin: pm

itorin: time

bachiraaa: OH

bachiraaa: WHAT U SLEPT AT 8 AM????

bachiraaa: THAT ISNT HEALTHYY 😭

itorin: its okay

bachiraaa: no it isnt

bachiraaa: like seriously

itorin: i texted because i remembered that i need to tell you something

bachiraaa: stop changing the subject

bachiraaa: u need more sleep

bachiraaa: u cant keep running on 4-6 hours of sleep every night

itorin: yea but how do you know how much i sleep for daily

itorin: its not like i tell you

bachiraaa: shidou 😶

itorin: fucking insect

bachiraaa: can u promise me ull sleep before 10 tn

itorin: ill try but i cant guarantee you anything

bachiraaa: 😐

bachiraaa: ok then

-Reply to itorin: i texted because i..

bachiraaa: okokk

itorin: i said that to change the subject

bachiraaa: 😐

itorin: :/

bachiraaa: since when did u start using those emojis

itorin: just now

bachiraaa: :D

itorin: can i ask something

bachiraaa: no ofc not😶

itorin: ok

bachiraaa: YES U CAN OBV

bachiraaa: I WAS JOKINGG😭

itorin: what did sae tell you on the day i tried to kill myself

itorin: when you were at the hospital

bachiraaa: well

bachiraaa: he came up to me when i was leaving

bachiraaa: wait that reminds me of something

bachiraaa: sae said that u wouldnt have ever told me anything personal if u didnt love me

bachiraaa: so did u love matthias

itorin: what does he know

itorin: but

itorin: maybe

itorin: platonically

itorin: i think i hate him more than i like him

bachiraaa: but thats only bcuz he "left u here in this place alone"

itorin: yea

bachiraaa: ya

itorin: you didnt answer my question

bachiraaa: y do u wanna know

itorin: why are you being difficult

bachiraaa: what if i dont wanna tell u

itorin: then tell me "i dont want to tell you" and ill answer with "ok"

bachiraaa: but y do u wanna know

bachiraaa: i wanna know that

itorin: i dont want to tell you

bachiraaa: kk

bachiraaa: he js asked me abt u

itorin: what do you mean

bachiraaa: like how much u tell me abt urself

bachiraaa: i kinda forgot but i do remember one thing

bachiraaa: he said smth along the lines of "i was js worried for nothing ig"

itorin: oh

bachiraaa: thats why ik for sure that he cares abt u

bachiraaa: and u can deny it all u want

bachiraaa: but the fact is still there

bachiraaa: stop leaving me on read

bachiraaa: responding is a good thing

bachiraaa: hello??

bachiraaa: im coming over if u dont reply

*Read 2 38 PM*

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Direct Messages

2 38 PM

bachiraaa: HEYYY

bachiraaa: R U IN UR ROOM RN

ur_fav_bbg: YEAHH WHATS UP

bachiraaa: WHATS RINNIE DOING RN

ur_fav_bbg: UHHH

ur_fav_bbg: NOTHING

ur_fav_bbg: LIKE QUITE LITERALLY NOTHING

bachiraaa: ?????

ur_fav_bbg: HES STARING AT HIS PHONE N HES SITTING AT HIS DESK

bachiraaa: OH

bachiraaa: CAN I COME OVER😖

ur_fav_bbg: THIS IS THE LAST TIME BEEBOY😡

bachiraaa: 😶

bachiraaa: 🥰

*Read 2 42 PM*

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Direct Messages

3 19 PM

itoshisae: im sorry

itoshisae: i didnt mean to say that

itoshisae: it was wrong of me

michael.k: you didnt mean to say it but you meant what you said

itoshisae: yeah

michael.k: youre not making things any better

itoshisae: thats because of your message

itoshisae: i just wanted to apologize

michael.k: why?

michael.k: because it makes you feel like youre a better person?

michael.k: it doesnt make you a better person

michael.k: not by apologizing to me

michael.k: i can think of so many more other people that you should be apologizing to

itoshisae: is this the only thing you can do? shutting people down when they try and become a decent person?

michael.k: apparently

michael.k: but whats the only thing you can do? making everyone around you despise you including yourself?

itoshisae: im famous. not everyone despises me

michael.k: so am i

michael.k: youre not special

itoshisae: you arent either

itoshisae: not everything revolves around you

itoshisae: so stop acting like you think of yourself as the best person ever when in reality you hate yourself

michael.k: and youre acting like youre the most perfect person ever when in reality you wouldve failed a grade

itoshisae: how the fuck do you know that

michael.k: the only thing youre good at is making lives miserable including your own

michael.k: youre not even that good at soccer

michael.k: you quit trying to become a striker because that just how badly you suck at it

michael.k: and at least im not the one with adhd

michael.k: you keep talking about how im the one with the brother who killed himself but i clearly remember that around a month ago rin ended up in the hospital because he ate too many pills

michael.k: they both attempted. it was just that mine was the one who succeeded

michael.k: the two of us arent any different

michael.k: you arent any better than me

*Message could not be delivered*

michael.k: fucking wimp

*Message could not be delivered*

-----

Direct Messages

4 37 PM

isagi_y: hey

michael.k: hi

isagi_y: where are you

michael.k: why

isagi_y: bc literally ever since yesterday i cant trust that you wont do anything stupid

isagi_y: you havent explained to me what "so im leaving and nothing can stop me" means

isagi_y: bc wdym by leaving

isagi_y: what are you leaving

michael.k: isnt it self explanatory

michael.k: are you fucking dumb

isagi_y: probably

isagi_y: ok fine

isagi_y: i just wanted to confirm it but i guess i dont need to

isagi_y: listen i would never actually say this but im worried about you and although we hate each other i care about you and i dont want you to just die

michael.k: but why

michael.k: like its not even a rhetorical question

michael.k: genuinely why do you care because weve been nothing but rude to each other ever since we met 6 weeks ago

isagi_y: idk

isagi_y: maybe i just hate the idea of somebody commiting

michael.k: then you can deal with it

michael.k: its not like my death is gonna affect you or some shit

isagi_y: yeah but how would we know until you actually do die

michael.k: are you implying something?

isagi_y: no its a genuine question

isagi_y: neither of us would know if your death would affect me or not until it actually happens, right? so you cant just assume that it wont affect me

michael.k: what are you implying

isagi_y: literally nothing

isagi_y: i said its a genuine question

michael.k: ask a more believable "genuine question"

isagi_y: fuck you

michael.k: see this is what i mean

michael.k: like im not even gonna make a joke out of it

michael.k: you tell me "fuck you" and "kys" every single day

isagi_y: omfg

isagi_y: are you ok in the head

michael.k: no

isagi_y: those are fucking jokes dumbass

isagi_y: well no they arent jokes sometimes i do want you to go fuck yourself but like

isagi_y: my point is its not actually genuine

isagi_y: i mean it is genuine but like

isagi_y: nvm this is hard to explain

isagi_y: like yeah i hate you i dont like you and all but thats just my personality colliding with yours and we cant do anything about it

isagi_y: and as for your relationship with other people maybe you should just look towards being better in the future

isagi_y: but seriously

isagi_y: where the fuck are you

isagi_y: youve been gone for an hour

michael.k: why did you have to text me

isagi_y: what

michael.k: i was so close

michael.k: and you texted me

isagi_y: ?? are you like playing a game or sth?

michael.k: no im literally 2 minutes away from the cliff

isagi_y: where tf did you locate a cliff

michael.k: i looked at the mountains map

michael.k: the school has one so we dont get lost in the mountains

isagi_y: thank you for cooperating

isagi_y: dont fucking move i will literally be right there under 2 minutes

michael.k: no you wont

michael.k: it took me 1 hour to get here so its gonna take you 4 hours

isagi_y: how fast do you think ill get there if i tell ego that one of his precious gems is lost in the mountains and we need to go rescue him

isagi_y: you know he has a helicopter

michael.k: no stop

michael.k: dont go to ego

isagi_y: then fucking come back

isagi_y: right now

michael.k: why are you stopping me

michael.k: you hate me right

michael.k: do you not actually hate me

isagi_y: why are you so fucking narcissistic

michael.k: maybe because i have npd

michael.k: did you ever think about that yoichi

isagi_y: send me your location

michael.k: wow yoichi are you a stalker

michael.k: why do you want my location

isagi_y: stfu dont joke around with me rn

isagi_y: do it or im getting ego right fucking now

michael.k: what if i run to the cliff right now

isagi_y: you wont

isagi_y: because i already told him and hes on his way

michael.k: thats an obvious bluff

michael.k: but anyway the moment you texted me i decided to come back so you look kinda stupid for saying all that shit

michael.k: you ruined it when you texted me

isagi_y: ofc you want everything to be perfect even at the end of your life

isagi_y: also i dont trust you

isagi_y: text me every minute on your way back

michael.k: cmon that 60 messages too many

isagi_y: shut up

michael.k: fuck you

isagi_y: see look at that

isagi_y: what did you feel towards me when you told me "fuck you"

isagi_y: its not actually a genuine feeling but you still mean it because i did/said something that made you tell me "fuck you"

isagi_y: its hard to explain

michael.k: ok yoichi

isagi_y: no seriously

isagi_y: think about it

michael.k: ok ill text you on my way back

michael.k: dont you wanna know what made me go today and not yesterday after i texted you

isagi_y: not really

isagi_y: but if i had to guess probably because its a saturday?

michael.k: did anybody ever tell you that youre stupidly funny

isagi_y: if you wanna tell me why you went today instead of yesterday then tell me and stop stalling

michael.k: why

michael.k: my whole point is supposed to drag this conversation out so i can continue texting you every minute

isagi_y: why did you even agree to that lmao

michael.k: because knowing you

michael.k: youd go to ego if i didnt

michael.k: and thats troublesome for me

isagi_y: you arent wrong ig

isagi_y: anyway get to your point

michael.k: fine

michael.k: sae woke up today and he texted me

isagi_y: thats it?

michael.k: obviously you dont understand because you dont know everything thats happened between us

isagi_y: i mean yeah i dont

michael.k: yeah

isagi_y: so what happened

michael.k: he brough up a bunch of things

michael.k: negative parts of me and situations

michael.k: situations like matthias

isagi_y: oh

isagi_y: but how did that happen

isagi_y: i dont think sae would be the type of person to bring something like that up out of nowhere

isagi_y: it depends if you said anything to him

michael.k: i mean i probably was being a bitch to him

isagi_y: cant really blame him then can you

michael.k: im not blaming anyone

michael.k: im just saying that he made me trust the belief that there isnt much thats good about me and itd be better if i just died

michael.k: and he brought up my father

isagi_y: what about him

michael.k: hes like

michael.k: an abuser

michael.k: he drank a lot

michael.k: and my mother did absolutely nothing about it

michael.k: because she was scared of him

michael.k: and hes dead now

michael.k: but like i told you before

michael.k: hes the reason i ran away and left matt there

isagi_y: so whats so bad about sae bringing him up

michael.k: he told me that i was becoming like him

michael.k: and like

michael.k: i realized most of my personality came from him

michael.k: if a person doesnt get good parenting then they dont end up being a good person

michael.k: and thats me

michael.k: why am i such a narcissist?

michael.k: because every single time i am seen as "better" than another i get the feeling of enjoyment and it makes me feel more and more like a normal human

michael.k: and somehow i began to understand why he drank so much and why he was so abusive

michael.k: he never chose to be that way

michael.k: he just became that way because of the people around him

michael.k: his soul is hurt

michael.k: the reason he hurt me is so he could maintain his sanity

michael.k: i was his coping mechanism

michael.k: so its fine because id rather have a half-insane father than a full-insane father

isagi_y: all im hearing is you trying to defend your abusive father because youre just like him and if you dont defend him then you also dont defend yourself

isagi_y: if you think badly of him then you think badly of yourself

isagi_y: am i right

michael.k: im back

isagi_y: it hasnt been an hour fym

michael.k: i lied

michael.k: i was like 45 minutes into the walk

isagi_y: kys

michael.k: will do

isagi_y: no stop its a joke

michael.k: i was joking too

isagi_y: well it doesnt seem like youre joking anymore because now i know that you actually would try to kys

michael.k: you problem

isagi_y: omfg

isagi_y: ok

michael.k: why tf is alex texting me and telling me to not kms

isagi_y: yeah i told him like a few minutes ago

isagi_y: ig he only saw my message just now

michael.k: omg

michael.k: do you know what you just did

michael.k: alex already lost matt hed go fucking berserk if he had a thought that hed lose me too

michael.k: and i literally cant fucking calm him down through texts

michael.k: hes spamming me and telling me that he needs to see me to believe im not killing myself

michael.k: thank you yoichi you just made my life harder

isagi_y: ok fine ill tell him that youre fine

isagi_y: look everythings alright ness is ok

michael.k: no he fucking isnt hes still texting me and telling me a bunch of shit

isagi_y: wtf kunigami just texted me saying that somethings wrong with ness

michael.k: this is all your fault yoichi

michael.k: omfg

isagi_y: sorry

isagi_y: just go to their dorm first then

isagi_y: and calm ness down

michael.k: thank you for that genius idea its not like i was already planning to do that

isagi_y: im js trying to help jesus christ

isagi_y: im sorry

michael.k: ik you already said that

michael.k: whatever

isagi_y: ok ig

*Read 5 24 PM*

-----

Notes:

crazy how i forgot to add authors end notes last chapter.. but anyway chapter 261 😨.. my baby....

Chapter 25: i feel like im the worst so i always act like im the best

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from MARINA's "Oh No!"

kaisagi arc chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 13th

3 29 AM

isagi_y: wtf are you still up for

michael.k: homework

isagi_y: its sunday.. if youre gonna procrastinate then do it tonight

michael.k: no im gonna be doing homework the entire day anyway

michael.k: ive asked for too many extensions

michael.k: my teachers wont give me more

isagi_y: why tf do you even need a lot of extensions

michael.k: because i have other things to do and i cant do school tasks when im busy

isagi_y: what other things do you even have to do

isagi_y: judging by your physical appearance you look like you dont do anything productive

michael.k: i need to keep up my status in the social world obviously

michael.k: i think you forgot that half the world knows who i am

isagi_y: idk maybe if you were less plain and less street-rat-like then i would remember that youre pretty famous ig

michael.k: you out of everyone cannot be talking about plain

isagi_y: well im not famous so i dont have to care

michael.k: how about you go back to sleep and let me work

isagi_y: im not forcing you to reply to me or anything

isagi_y: also i cant sleep with your fucking music

michael.k: will you ever shut up about my music

michael.k: its one of the only things in this world that i actually like

isagi_y: get headphones

michael.k: you get me headphones if youre so pissed about listening to my music

isagi_y: omg

isagi_y: i hate you

isagi_y: just use mine

isagi_y: for now until you get your own

michael.k: im not getting my own

michael.k: how about i keep yours

isagi_y: hell no

michael.k: then you buy me new headphones

isagi_y: wtf no

michael.k: then deal with my music

isagi_y: ok fine

isagi_y: i dont wanna get up

michael.k: cope

-----

Reluctantly, Isagi puts his phone down and sits up on his bed. He reaches for his headphones, they're grey coloured and wireless. After thinking for a little bit, Isagi chucks his headphones across the room at Kaiser's head, who's sitting at his desk with a pencil in his hand, confident that his headphones won't break.

"What the fuck?" Kaiser turns around and stares into Isagis eyes, mad. Isagi crawls back into his sleeping position and grabs his phone again.

-----

Direct Messages

3 47 AM

isagi_y: bluetooth connect it

michael.k: want me to throw you out the window?

isagi_y: no thanks im good

isagi_y: goodnight

isagi_y: also if i wake up (and the cause is you) before 10 then im throwing my phone at you next time

michael.k: wow you want to gift me your phone

michael.k: how thoughtful of you yoichi

isagi_y: omfg you know thats not what i meant

michael.k: obviously ik

michael.k: its a joke

isagi_y: its fucking 4 am i cant comprehend anything rn

michael.k: nmp

isagi_y: omg

isagi_y: ok stop texting me

isagi_y: bye

michael.k: "im not forcing you to reply to me or anything"

isagi_y: stfuuu

michael.k: since you gave me your headphones ill stop bothering you

isagi_y: hold up i didnt give you anything

isagi_y: its to borrow for the time being

isagi_y: hey answer me

isagi_y: you cant just steal my headphones

isagi_y: stop ignoring me

michael.k: you told me to stop texting you and i said id stop bothering you but now you want me to stop ignoring you

isagi_y: omg shut up

isagi_y: ykw whatever

isagi_y: im done

michael.k: wow what a coincidence me too

isagi_y: bye

*Read 3 56 AM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

2 13 PM

karasu: if i crash a car on purpose is it still a car accident

niko: what

kunigami: No it's a car crash

karasu: if practice makes perfect but nobodys perfect then why practice

kunigami: To strive to be perfect

kunigami: Are you on YouTube shorts or something

niko: 💀

otoya: babe whats gotten into you

otoya: take your meds

karasu: theres end in friend

karasu: theres lie in believer

karasu: theres over in lover

Reply to karasu: there end in fr..

kunigami: Yes

kunigami: Factually correct

hiori: theres fun in funeral

-Reply to hiori: theres fun in fu..

kurona: how many characters are in hiori yo

hiori: ate

charles: but theres 7 😖

hiori: he said characters not letters

charles: like a character from a tv showwwwww

hiori: no 🙂

niko: yall can we talk about karasu

niko: whats bro doing

karasu: why do people cook bread at like 350 f for 20 minutes but you can just cook it for 1 sec at like 20000000 f

kurona: ew fahrenheit

kurona: we use celsius here

Reply to kunigami: Yes

chigiri: bc friends never stay the same

niko: ermmm that just got kinda deep

isagi: thats crazy chigiri

isagi: wanna explain to the whole gc about how that happened bc you brought it up

isagi: wanna explain to the gc about my head while youre at it

niko: ermmmmmm nty

niko: deal with your dramas elsewhere

kunigami: Yeah guys stop

hiori: oh

hiori: thats interesting

kunigami: It really isn't

otoya: can we not do this on a sunday

isagi: no im pissed rn and this is my way of releasing that emotion so thats a you problem

bachira: YOCCHAN STOPPP

bachira: U CAN DO THIS LATER

bachira: LIKE ANOTHER DAY

niko: 😶

niko: thats kinda crazy

-----

May 14th

8 16 AM

niko: another monday another week to get through

hiori: its okay we get to rest next week

niko: wdym

hiori: not you i meant 11s and 12s

hiori: we have a trip 22nd to 25th

niko: 🙂

niko: lucky

niko: i just walked into the hallway

niko: where is isagis usual headphones that he wears like daily

niko: @isagi_y

hiori: i took them

isagi: i wish you took them

isagi: no i let kaiser borrow them yesterday bc he was being loud

hiori: damn

isagi: and he decided to not give it back to me

niko: L

isagi: l you l this l that fuck you

-----

Direct Messages

11 23 AM

itoshisae: you will not fucking believe it

ur_fav_bbg: never have i ever had a thought that ud text me FIRST 😍

ur_fav_bbg: also what happened

itoshisae: nevermind

itoshisae: i regret texting you already

ur_fav_bbg: U CANT JS LEAVE ME ON A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT 😭

itoshisae: guess who i got partnered up with in societies

ur_fav_bbg: dont tell me its kaiser

ur_fav_bbg: omg

ur_fav_bbg: im sorry

ur_fav_bbg: /gen

itoshisae: i love how you have to add the tone tag 💀

ur_fav_bbg: OMG U LOVE ME??? 🥺🥹🥰

itoshisae: no

ur_fav_bbg: ok sorry

ur_fav_bbg: r u ok tho

itoshisae: perfect as usual

ur_fav_bbg: ok buddy

ur_fav_bbg: dont start kidding around rn

ur_fav_bbg: ykik what happened on saturday

itoshisae: shut up

itoshisae: i told you to forget about it

itoshisae: i just panicked at the time and ended up telling you instead of anyone else

itoshisae: it wasnt intentional

itoshisae: it doesnt involve you

ur_fav_bbg: now it does

ur_fav_bbg: bc ik abt it and yk ily

ur_fav_bbg: i havent actually asked this question yet

ur_fav_bbg: why dy still converse with me after having rejected me like 20 times now

itoshisae: i havent actually answered this question yet

itoshisae: and i wont be

ur_fav_bbg: ok 😭

ur_fav_bbg: but if u didnt want me to know abt what happened on saturday then why tell me about u and kaiser being partners

itoshisae: because id do anything to not talk to kaiser right now

itoshisae: not even about the project

itoshisae: and i can do just that by being glued to my phone

itoshisae: i can get a 0 on this project i dont care

ur_fav_bbg: he probably thinks the same thing

itoshisae: even better

ur_fav_bbg: 🤷

*Read 11 47 AM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

1 48 PM

reo: guys theyre changing up the city trip groups

bachira: WHAT

bachira: NOOO I LIKE MY GROUP

reo: i like mine too 😭

hiori: what are the new groups

reo: idk they arent out yet

reo: but anri said that 2 people wont be going so now the groups are messed up and theyre changing some things

bachira: WHATT

bachira: WAIT BUT MY GROUP IS ALREADY A 3 PERSON GROUP SO I THINK WE R FINE

hiori: probably

hiori: i wanna know the new groups tho

reo: she said that if we all agree on it then we will go THIS wednesday 16th and shell tell me the groups

reo: @everyone votesss

bachira: i wanna stay in my current group 😭

bachira: BUT I ALSO WANNA KNOW THE NEW ONES

hiori: ^

isagi: wait reo why is anri telling only you and not announcing it

reo: because she came in my class and accidentally brought it up so i paid her to tell me

bachira: YUP REOS OUTSIDE IN THE HALLWAY RN

bachira: ALSO RINNIE SAID HE DOESNT CARE

aryu: i think most people have maths or phe rn so they arent answering

aryu: its not a very glam change

aryu: but im fine with it ig ✨

chigiri: same

niko: why dont yall create like

niko: a different gc 😭

isagi: cope

reo: ok ykw i think thats enough votes

reo: hold up let me take a picture

*mikagereo has sent an attachment to the group chat*

---The picture shows a piece of paper

11/12 CITY TRIP (For May 🀰🀰🀰) 16-18

GROUP 1 -- Karasu Tabito // Itoshi Sae // Otoya Eita // Shidou Ryusei

GROUP 2 -- Hiori Yo // Bachira Meguru // Itoshi Rin

GROUP 3 -- Kurona Ranze // Isagi Yoichi // Ness Alexis // Kaiser Michael

GROUP 4 -- Nagi Seishiro // Yukimiya Kenyu // Mikage Reo // Julian Loki

GROUP 5 -- Chigiri Hyoma // Aryu Jyubei // Tokimitsu Aoshi // Kunigami Rensuke

GROUP 6 -- Aiku Oliver // Barou Shouei // Tsuguri Zantetsu // Sendou Shuuto

NEW GROUPS

GROUP 1 -- Karasu Tabito // Itoshi Sae // Otoya Eita // Shidou Ryusei

GROUP 2 -- Aiku Oliver // Sendou Shuuto // Julian Loki

GROUP 3 -- Ness Alexis // Kaiser Michael // Itoshi Rin // Kurona Ranze

GROUP 4 -- Nagi Seishiro // Hiori Yo // Isagi Yoichi // Bachira Meguru

GROUP 5 -- Chigiri Hyoma // Kunigami Rensuke // Mikage Reo

GROUP 6 -- Aryu Jyubei // Tokimitsu Aoshi // Yukimiya Kenyu

hiori: 16-18? we get one day less

hiori: it was tues-fri before😭

reo: yea

rin: can i unvote and go back to may 22-25

reo: uhhh no

reo: cause she already showed me the groups

reo: also according to anri you didnt request anyone so you cant complain

bachira: 😶

bachira: DAMN

isagi: OH MY GOD

isagi: OMGOMG

isagi: REO YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR

reo: is your group THAT much better than the last?

reo: lol

karasu: bro ego just walked into my class

karasu: and he just said we werent allowed to bring our phones on the trip

isagi: bfr

karasu: also it looks like my group hasnt changed

hiori: what now

hiori: no phones

hiori: im not surviving this

-----

Direct Messages

2 15 PM

bachiraaa: HEYY

bachiraaa: WILL U BE OK

mikagereo: yeah i was honestly kinda shocked

mikagereo: but then again i DID have him on my list

bachiraaa: DID U NOT CHANGE IT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED?

mikagereo: nope bc ego said i couldnt

mikagereo: and youre the only one who knows abt it

bachiraaa: OH

mikagereo: also its not like it will be awkward because he still thinks of me as a good friend

mikagereo: but i do kinda wanna ask if i can switch groups

bachiraaa: KK

bachiraaa: TO WHICH ONE THO

mikagereo: group 2

bachiraaa: OHH

mikagereo: yeah

bachiraaa: ALR

*Read 2 23 PM*

-----

Notes:

im sorry this is a super late chapter (its also short) because ive been doing some other things the past week 😭

Chapter 26: city trip

Summary:

this chapter is for plot advancing!! it is not part of kiis arc.

Notes:

i apologize from the bottom of my heart.. as an ib student i had many many summatives pouring on me in june as it was kind of the end of the school year
ALSO THANK YOU AO3 USER "pawionii" FOR MAKING THAT COMMENT TODAY OMG THAT ACTUALLY MOTIVATED ME SO MUCH TO FINISH UP WRITING THIS CHAPTER 😭
!CONTENT WARNING! (not much yayy)
-mention of "unethical" parts of the human body
-....kiss?

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

May 16th

5 19 AM

otoya: why cant we bring phones

otoya: thats so stupid

hiori: literally

hiori: why are you up so early

otoya: why are you

hiori: i was doing stuff and i lost track of time

otoya: what stuff

hiori: hbu

otoya: same

otoya: you avoided my questions

hiori: your group seems nice

otoya: yours too

otoya: are you pissed about not being allowed to bring phones

hiori: are you thinking what im thinking

otoya: maybe

hiori: maybe

otoya: yeah

hiori: yeah

isagi: you two are crazy

otoya: thanks

isagi: no like acc

isagi: ego said hes checking our bags for phones when we get there

hiori: wtff

hiori: ill bring a suitcase

otoya: its ok ill survive

isagi: gl

hiori: even if they find my phone what are they gonna do abt it

hiori: send me back?

hiori: even better ngl

isagi: if you dont wanna go you can make an excuse for it

hiori: like what

isagi: "my monthly cycle just started" or some shit

otoya: 💀

hiori: does it look like i have a vagina

isagi: ngl yes

isagi: but i was just giving an example excuse

hiori: and even if i did i would still have to go on the trip

hiori: something like that isnt bad enough for me to stay here

isagi: and how would you know

isagi: maybe you do have a vag hiori

hiori: omg im biologically a male stfu pls 😭

otoya: you dont look like one tbf

hiori: why are you joining him 😭😭😭

isagi: you literally listen to good luck babe by chappell roan

hiori: bro its a good song

isagi; nah nah not only are you a girl youre also lesbian

hiori: ok isagay

hiori: go back to sleep

hiori: youre not stable rn

isagi: no

isagi: im trying to use my phone for as long as i can before its parted from me

hiori: js bring the phone there

isagi: no

hiori: 👍

*Read 5 47 AM*

-----

Direct Messages

10 22 AM

itorin: hey

bachiraaa: HEYYY OMG

bachiraaa: U BROUGHT UR PHONE???

itorin: who would actually listen to ego

bachiraaa: 😶

bachiraaa: YOCCHAN

itorin: hes just stupid

bachiraaa: 😭

bachiraaa: ALSO I WAS GONNA SAY

bachiraaa: U CAN SWITCH ROOMS WITH ME IF U WANT

itorin: your room isnt any better than mine

bachiraaa: I MEAN TBF BOTH OUR ROOMS ARENT BAD

itorin: sure

bachiraaa: NO SRSLY

bachiraaa: KURONAS RLLY NICEEE

itorin: theyre doing a room check

itorin: bye

bachiraaa: WHAT

bachiraaa: WHERE WOULD WE HIDE OUR PHONES THEN

*Unread*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

11 02 AM

hiori: yall nagis phone just got confiscated

hiori: it was kinda funny

otoya: where did you put yours

otoya: they checked like every single corner in my room

hiori: bachira and i used the safe that was in the room

otoya: heyyy me too

hiori: "smart minds think alike" 🫢

otoya: fr

otoya: whyd nagis phone get confiscated

hiori: cause he didnt wanna put it in the safe 😭

hiori: bros addicted to devices (me too)

hiori: i wonder who else brought their phone

bachira: YESS

bachira: I JUST FINISHED UNPACKING

otoya: didnt we get here like 2 hours ago tho 😭

bachira: SHHH

hiori: lmfao

-Reply to hiori: i wonder who else..

bachira: UHHH RINNIE DID

hiori: oh okay

hiori: uhmmm wtf is that sound

hiori: @eittttt dyk

otoya: what sound

hiori: omg bachira just dropped his phone into trash can lmao

hiori: theres like this alarm or smthh

otoya: idk what youre talking about

bachira: THAT SCARED ME 😭

bachira: IT SOUNDS LIKE THE EAS ALARM WTHHH

bachira: HOW DO U TURN IT OFFF

hiori: im clicking off on the clock but its not working

otoya: uhhh see ive been in this hotel before

otoya: thats probably the phone

otoya: someones calling your room

bachira: WHAT 😭

hiori: hold on

otoya: lmao

*Read 11 16 AM*

-----

"What the hell is happening?"

Isagi looked over at Hiori who was typing something on his phone, wondering how someone can be so calm at a time like this. Hiori turned his phone off and walked towards the telephone that was lying on the desk.

"According to Otoya, it's just a phone call. Calm down."

Bachira added on, "Why- does a phone call sound like this?? Oh my god!"

On the other hand, Nagi was burying his ears with his hands. "Too loud."

"Hello? Oh, okay. Yeah, we'll be there, thanks."

"What is it?" Isagi asked.

"Ego wants us to meet at the lobby at 11: 20." Hiori replied.

"Ho-kay let's go! It's 11: 17 right now." Bachira got up from his sitting position and put his phone into a drawer.

"Hey, Nagi, we gotta go." Isagi rested a hand on Nagi's shoulder.

"I'm tired.." The other two were waiting at the door.

Isagi rolled his eyes. "Ok, you two can go first, I'm gonna go get Reo."

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

11 29 AM

rin: oh my god you guys couldnt have @ed me or told me?

rin: my group didnt know it was the phone ringing and we didnt pick up like 10 times

rin: anri knocked on our door

rin: "you guys are 5 minutes late. were all waiting for you"

rin: and ego comes 3 minutes later and he goes "get out. now."

-----

12 41 PM

-Reply to rin: my group didnt..

bachira: LMFAOOOO

bachira: sorry

bachira: THATS SO FUNNY

hiori: no cause ego was dialing something on the lobby phone repeatedly so many times and i was like "wtf is he doing" 😭

niko: yall crazy i wish i was there

bachira: 😭😭

shidou: OMG EGO FINALLY LET ME GO

bachira: HEYYYY U HAVE UR PHONE TOO>??

shidou: YESS

shidou: NO BUT EGO WENT THROUGH MY BAG LIKE 100000 TIMES BC HE WAS SO CONVINCED THAT I BROUGHT DRUGS ON ME AND I HAD TO HIDE MY PHONE FOR THE PAST 3 HOURS

bachira: LMAOOO

bachira: anyway r we acc going on a hike bcuz im gonna die 😭

hiori: yes bachira were going on a hike cause ego said so

otoya: im gonna fake sick

hiori: theyre just gonna send you back to the school if you do that

otoya: damn

otoya: well i dont really wanna go back to school

hiori: yup 😶

-----

"So, who's sleeping with who? It's two beds and theres four of us, us."

Kurona looked at his roommates who have been quite awkward ever since they walked into the room.

Kaiser answered first. "It'd make most sense if Alex and I took one bed since we've known each other the longest, but I have no idea about you two."

Ness nodded his head in agreement.

"I'm not sleeping. Take the beds. In return, I'm hogging the desk because I need to do my work." Rin replied.

"See, I'd normally be fine with that, but I made a promise to Bachira that I'd make sure you sleep before 10 P.M." Kurona states.

"What? No."

"Yeah, yeah."

"No."

"Rin, I really feel like you should get a healthier sleeping habit." An unexpected response from Kaiser was heard. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"What do you know? Also stop acting like you're my guardian or something."

Kaiser turned away and muttered to himself, "No wonder you two are brothers, same shitty ass personality."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Rin walked towards the other.

Ness had gradually moved himself over to where Kurona was standing, both watching the fight play out. It was a little bit of a tense atmosphere.

"Let's not get involved in that.."

"Yeah."

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

2 37 PM

bachira: OMG IM SO TIRED I WANNA SLEEEP

bachira: HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO WALK FOR 😭

otoya: whyd you bring your phone on the hike lmao

bachira: WELL WHYD U LOL

otoya: idk im bored

otoya: truth or dare @bachiraaa

bachira: OH

bachira: IDK ID NORMALLY PICK D BUT WERE DOING STUFF RN SO T

otoya: ok

otoya: uh

otoya: whos your least fav 12

bachira: LIKE 12TH GRADER>

otoya: yeahh

bachira: UHHH IDK

bachira: PROBABLY LIKE AIKU

bachira: HIM N I GOT BEEF 😭😭😭

otoya: lmfaooo

bachira: TOD

otoya: truth

bachira: is it true that u and karasu r just friends and nothing else 🫢

otoya: emmm

otoya: no

bachira: OMG

*eittttt has deleted a message*

bachira: LMAOO

bachira: WAIT BUT THEN WHY KEEP IT A SECRET 😭

otoya: i aint obligated to answer that 😗

bachira: 😖

otoya: oh we gotta go

bachira: YUP

*Read 2 54 PM*

-----

7 38 PM

bachira: ..

bachira: WHY DID THAT TAKE LIKE 5 HRS

otoya: cause we suffer ig

bachira: 😭😭😭

bachira: WE SHOULD KEEP PLAYING

otoya: truth or dare

hiori: omg can i join

otoya: truth or dare @hi_yo

hiori: dare

bachira: 🫢

otoya: ok

otoya: come to my room and knock on the door but then run away and ill get tabito to answer it

hiori: one second

bachira: WAIT IM COMING WITH U

-----

Two knocks could be heard from where Otoya was sitting. He was staring at his phone and typing things.

"Tabito- can you get the door?" He flopped down on the bed and had no intention of getting up.

The other sighed, "fine." Karasu got up from the desk and walked towards the door. When he opened it, there was nobody there. "There's no one here.."

"Oh?" Otoya acted surprised by the slightest.

Suddenly, Shidou appeared behind Karasu and shouted, "Is that beeboy I see??"

"Who??" Karasu turned around to face him.

In the corner of the hallway, Bachira began to sulk because he was found. Maybe he didn't run away fast enough.. On the other hand, Hiori went straight back to their own room, thinking Bachira was behind him. He really had no other choice but to come out.

"Hey!" He walked out from the corner and towards his friend.

"Hey!!" Shidou responded, laughing. "What the hell was that?"

"Um.. Nothing, bye!" Bachira runs off as the other two go back in. Shidou takes out his phone and checks the group chat.

-----

7 46 PM

hiori: guys where did bachira go

hiori: i swear he was with me 2 seconds ago

otoya: shidou saw bachira and now theyre talking

hiori: shidou saw bachira??? lmfaoo

otoya: oh theyre coming back in

otoya: bachiras probably on his way to your room

hiori: alr

shidou: OH

shidou: WAIT I WANNA PLAY

hiori: tod shidou

shidou: NGL IM NOT RLLY IN THE MOOD FOR DARE

hiori: ok how about this

bachira: OMG IM FINALLY BACK

hiori: would you still love sae if he was a worm

shidou: YES

otoya: welcome back bachira

otoya: no hesitation 🫢

shidou: YES

shidou: WHAT KINDA QUESTION IS THAT

hiori: idk i was hoping youd pick dare

shidou: OH LMAO

shidou: WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA

shidou: WHO R ALL THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT THEIR PHONES

bachira: UMM RINNIE DID

hiori: and there are people who didnt come

shidou: @kki

niko: what

shidou: TOD

otoya: 😶

bachira: OMG UR A GENIUS

niko: t

shidou: OMG PICK DARE PLS

niko: no

shidou: IDK

shidou: SOMEONE HELP I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING

hiori: niko is what charles said about you liking kiyora true

niko: OMG SHUT UP HES IN THIS GC

niko: .

bachira: 🫢

niko: .

otoya: i think thats a yes

*hi_yo has deleted a message*

niko: .

niko: thank you

*kki has deleted a message*

shidou: 😶

niko: charles is dead fucking meat

niko: MY TURN

niko: @isagi_y tod

hiori: isagi didnt bring his phone

niko: disappointing

hiori: wait ill ask him for you

hiori: he said truth

bachira: YUP

niko: ask him if he would rather die or get on good terms with me

hiori: he said hed rather die

niko: tell him to kys

hiori: he said fuck you

niko: ok

niko: im done bye

hiori: he said lmao

-----

Yukimiya checks the clock in the room, reading 11: 23 PM. He's actually kind of glad that he got a room of three rather than four, since it comes with many benefits for him. Firstly, the two he got roomed with were Aryu and Tokimitsu, who were fine with sleeping in one bed, while Yukimiya has the other bed to himself. But, now that he really starts thinking about it, there are some cons to rooming with Aryu.

"Hey, Aryu." Sitting on the side of his bed, he turns to look at the long haired man.

"Hm?" Aryu looks up at him.

"When will you be done that? It's almost midnight and I'd really appreciate it if you'd hurry up on.. that.."

"You and Toki can sleep first. I need this for tomorrow."

"See, the thing is, I can't sleep while your thing over there is making that noise twenty-four seven." Yukimiya scratches the back of his head with one hand and points at the machine currently on Aryu's right hand with his other hand. "I'm a model, you know. I need good sleep and good rest to stay healthy."

"What are you worried about? Eyebags? I brought many products that can reduce those, and you can just apply some concealer, too."

Yukimiya sighs while contemplating on what to do about his loss of sleep. While having a small chat with his other roommate for the trip, he discovers that the thing that Aryu is doing is letting his nails dry. Apparently, Aryu decided to re-style his nails which takes 14 coats, and he's only on the 3rd one so far. It seems that this is going to be a long trip for Yukimiya.

-----

Everyone else in the room seems asleep. Rin is sitting at the desk with many papers in front of him and checks his phone, before thinking that he might have studied for a bit too long. 4: 17 AM, he doesn't know what to do. Rin started to complete his 7 worksheet packages of different subjects at around 10 PM, but now that he's finally finished, he feels tired.

He doesn't want to find another way to keep studying until sunrise.

He doesn't want to sleep beside Kurona and is 100% not sleeping where Kaiser and Ness are.

He doesn't want to sleep on the floor or anywhere else in the room.

Rin thinks a bit more, and he realizes that he's in the city and not trapped in some school in the middle of the mountains. With this information, he takes one of the room keykards and walks outside into the hallway, aiming to go to a nearby store and get some snacks and drinks.

...

"Hey.. is that Rin?"

He stops in the middle of the hallway upon hearing the voice, turning his head behind him.

"Oh my god Rinnie!"

Of course, only one person would call him by that.

"Rin? Why are you out here at this ungodly hour?"

Rin walks up to the group of three. "Same question for you guys."

"Well, we just decided to talk the entire night and before we knew it, it was already 4 AM! We didn't really know what to do so we came out here." Bachira stated as he walked around aimlessly.

"Yup, what he said." Isagi agreed.

Hiori, on the other hand, was blinking at Rin. "Yeah.. but why are you out here alone?"

"I was just going to take a walk outside." He replied.

"Outside?" Isagi looked a little shocked.

"Yes..?"

Bachira ran towards the taller boy and jumped on him, wrapping his arms around his neck, "I'll go with you!"

Isagi and Hiori began to whisper to each other while eyeing the other two, Rin attempting to pull Bachira off him. Rin stares at them for a second before stopping his actions.

"Did you perhaps not tell them?"

Bachira stops looking confused, "What are you talking about?"

"That we're.. you know.. dating."

"Ohh, well, I told Isagi, and I'm sure he told a bunch of people including Hiori, but also you told Hiori too, right?"

"Yeah, briefly, I guess."

"Is it because they were looking at us like that? Haha, I think they're just not used to the idea of it!"

"..Okay, let's go."

"Yay!"

-----

Rin was originally planning to take a walk to a nearby shop and buy snacks and a drink, so.. how the hell did it turn out like this?

Bachira was dragging Rin around to literally every single place there was, using the excuse that they 'can't do this at school in their daily usual life'. It was when Bachira took him to the fucking beach, which was about a 20 minute walk from their hotel, that Rin asked himself why he loved this little rascal. The brown-haired boy takes his hand and walks onto the sand, getting close to the water. He sits down on the sand and pulls Rin with him.

Looking forwards, the scene of the sea and dark sky filled with stars were beautiful, but for Rin, looking at the person beside him was much more entrancing. He was so lost in thought about that specific person that he silently curses himself for the question he asked himself earlier.

'Why do I love him so much?'

At the end of his pondering, he concludes that the reason is because a human can't control who they love nor who they hate, which is a pretty textbook answer, but as he continues to stare into Bachira's eyes, which are looking towards the sky, he rethinks his answer once more.

'It's because he's perfect."

Bachira says something to Rin, the words going through one ear and out the other, and pulls out his phone. Rin can't see what he's typing, but a while later, the phone gets shoved in his face. 5: 21 AM.

He hears Bachira rant off about something, only able to hear a few of his words. "Look.. almost.. rise.."

Rise?

Suddenly, Bachira puts his phone down and looks forward where the water and the sky meets. He lifts his left hand and points to where he's looking. Rin's eyes follow along, and the sky begins to fade into a shade of light purple, then pink and orange.

Rin turns to look at Bachira once again, whose eyes are wide open, shining, and mouth in and open smile. He continues to stare at the other and adds to his answer.

'He's perfect for me."

Bachira looks back at Rin with a bright face, before staring eye into eye. Rin realizes that he's been staring at Bachira for a long time, and it brings some blood to his ears, but he cant bring himself to look away.

The sun was halfway up, and the two were still looking into each other's eyes. Bachira, frozen in place, began to hear things. At first, it might've been passed off as his schizophrenia acting up, but the more he listened, the more it sounded real. His face began to flush as he realized that the sound was his heartbeat. Bachira looked down at his hand, which was at his side, for just a moment, before feeling something touch his chin. As his head was being lifted up, he found himself staring back into those cyan eyes that have haunted him since forever, in a positive way.

He feels something soft and warm against his lips, and he closes his eyes, scared to open them ever again.

-----

When Rin and Bachira finally made it back to the hotel after stopping by yet another 10 or so shops, Isagi and Hiori are found racing across the hallways.

"You guys need to shut up and stop making so much noise, Ego and Anri are on our floor and who knows what they're going to do if they see us out here." Rin returned to his old grumpy mood after having his first ever kiss just a while ago.

Hold on, first?

Yes, first. With that kind of personality, of course.

While Rin's inner thoughts were fighting amongst themselves, Hiori talked about how Rin was correct and they should probably go back to their rooms before Ego or Anri wakes up. It was currently 5: 58.

Bachira scrambles inside his pockets for his keycard, going on for around a minute.

Isagi lets out a sigh, "I have it, because you'd obviously lose it, I mean you can tell how careless you are just by the fact that you didn't notice when I took it from you!" He laughs a bit.

"Ah, Yocchan!"

Rin reaches for his own keycard, and finds that it's still there. He takes it out and waves goodbye to the others, while walking back towards his room.

Of course it's still there, this is Rin after all.

But nobody ever knows, it might've been lost after all the running with Bachira.

Inner thoughts, inner thoughts.. they never shut up, just like everyone in Rin's life. He enters his room to find someone already awake. Kaiser is in the washroom, doing.. what is that? Eyeliner? Probably..

On the other hand, Isagi is looking at the door to their room in complete horror, Bachira with his mouth open in shock, and Hiori looking as if he just lost a 1v1 in a game. The keycard that is currently in Isagi's hand is being denied by the door.

"Hey.. I mean.. maybe it got swapped with someone elses? Did anyone enter our room before..?" Hiori asks the two.

"Umm... I don't think so?" Isagi replies.

"Wait, yes! Remember when Reo had to come here to pick up Nagi? Maybe he brought his own keycard, left it somewhere in our room, and took one of our keycards." Bachira suggests.

Isagi slumps down, back against the door, "..you know what? I'm too tired to deal with this. And, we can't even get Nagi to open the door for us because he's not answering!"

"I mean, he was asleep when we left." Hiori adds.

".. I agree with Yocchan, too tired to deal with this. So, I'm gonna go to Rinnie's room and you guys can figure something out!" Bachira dashes off before any of them could reply.

"Ugh.. that Bachira." Isagi decides to get up. "Hey, Hiori, do you remember which room was the one Reo was in?"

Hiori thinks for a while before responding, "Just try the keycard of every door and see which one it works on."

After a few minutes, one of the keycard scanners light up green and Isagi pushed the door open. He sees Reo sleeping on the first bed. "Yeah, we were right, this is his keycard.. but, why don't you go in Hiori? And, look for their keycards, I mean."

"Why me..?" Hiori hesitantly walks into the room and slowly walks towards the tables and counters, scanning them.

Isagi whispers to Hiori, "Well, It's just, if they wake up.. and you know Chigiri and I don't have a super good relationship right now.."

"Ah, okay.."

A bit of time later, Hiori walks back to the door that Isagi is holding open, while holding two keycards in one hand and one in the other hand. "This one is theirs," He lifts up the hand with only one keycard, "And these two, one is ours, one is theirs." He lifts up his other hand.

"How about we put that one," Isagi points to the singular keycard, "on their table, and bring the other two to test on our door?"

"Sure."

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

6 26 AM

hiori: omg finally

hiori: bachira you backstabber

hiori: isagi says "bachira youre not my friend anymore"

hiori: isagi says "reo needs to take as much care for his keycards as he does with nagi"

hiori: bachiraaaa answer mee

hiori: @bachiraaa

hiori: @itorin

rin: what

hiori: hey

hiori: bachiras with you right

rin: yea

rin: hes sleeping

hiori: ?????? after ditching us he can sleep wow

hiori: isagi says he doesnt wanna talk to bachira

rin: ok ill tell him when he wakes up

hiori: where is he sleeping tho?

rin: on the bed?

hiori: its a room of 4 right

hiori: what about you

hiori: and theres someone else sleeping on the bed that bachiras sleeping on right

rin: im not sleeping

rin: and kuronas beside him

hiori: oh kurona

hiori: thats pretty good then

rin: yea

hiori: you need sleep tho

rin: likewise

hiori: 🤷

-----

May 18th

7 12 AM

bachira: WE R HEADING BACK TODAY IT FEELS SO SHORTTTT

hiori: ikrrr

bachira: NGL I FEEL BAD FOR US BCUZ WE COULDVE GOTTEN AN EXTRA DAY IF IT WAS STILL 22-25

otoya: ngl if you have anyone to feel bad for itd be the people who didnt go lmao

otoya: poor 9s and 10s

hiori: true lmao

hiori: @kki isagi says "what an L you dont get to experience freedom in the city"

bachira: 😭😭😭

niko: tell him i said 'what an L that you need to use hiori to talk because you dont even have your phone'

-----

The ride back to the school was just as long as the ride to the city. Although this time, Bachira sat beside Kurona instead of Rin.

"Oh my god! Kurona look!" Bachira turned his phone screen to face Kurona. It was an Instagram reel.

---

The reel showed a girl who was looking into the camera, skeptically. Her hand was resting on her face and there was a block of text in the middle of the screen.

"Besties gotta start thinking.. is he rlly thats pretty or does he just have fluffy hair?"

---

Kurona giggled, "He's pretty, and he has fluffy hair."

"Mm.." was the response he got.

"True friends have different types! I mean.. what do you even see in Rin other than his looks?"

"Hey, hey, Rinnie is cute.. and his personality is cute too!"

"Cute, cute?? That's not the word I expected honestly."

Kurona had subtly told Bachira about who he loved, and Bachira being him, he would never let go of that topic.

On this topic of love though, the only thing Bachira could really think about---the same thing he has been thinking about ever since it occurred---was the kiss he shared at the beach. He didn't even know if it could be described as a kiss, since it was just a little peck, but needless to say, that small, tiny, peck, sent many feelings throughout his body. His heart aches just thinking about it, and the same could be said for the other person in the relationship, sitting at the front of the bus, lost in thought.

-----

Notes:

guys. dont abandon me please im alive i swear. (i might do an extra chapter for the events of what happened after the kiss and what happened on may 17th since i kind of skipped that day, but then again i know better than to not make promises i cant fulfill IM SORRY!!!)

Chapter 27: and i was so young when i behaved 25 yet now i find ive grown into a tall child

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Mitski's "First Love / Late Spring"

kaisagi arc chapter 7

Notes:

go to end notes. i have nothing to say here. just read.
!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of abuse
-mention of mental illness

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

BLUE LOCK WOOO

May 19th

8 19 AM

isagi: @kki how was school

niko: stfu kys

isagi: ngl i didnt expect you to be up at this hour

niko: why

isagi: it would make more sense for you to sleep in since its a saturday

niko: yeah i will sleep in

niko: later

niko: when i actually go to sleep

isagi: what 💀

niko: bye

isagi: 😨..

isagi: youre crazy ngl..

-----

Direct Messages

11 02 AM

isagi_y: give me back my headphones i need them

michael.k: no

michael.k: i also need them

isagi_y: wtf theyre mine not yours

isagi_y: arent you like famous or smth

isagi_y: you probably have enough money for 100000 headphones just get your own

michael.k: im not having this conversation again

isagi_y: oml

*Read 11 18 AM*

-----

FG GC BUT NO CHIGIRI??

3 42 PM

mikagereo: hey guys sorry for bringing this up again

mikagereo: but js to let the rest of you know, chigiri and i had a small conflict

bachiraaa: OH UR TELLING THEM?

mikagereo: yeah

itorin: why do we need to know about it

mikagereo: well its kinda related to the past situation so

mikagereo: basically chigiri was talking to me and he said that he felt uncomfortable around me because im usually always with sei and he and sei dont have a good relationship

mikagereo: and i got a little too defensive

itorin: well

itorin: chigiri and i havent talked to each other so i have nothing to say

mikagereo: i was js thinking if i should stay friends with him or not bc i like having him as a friend but his conflicts with you guys are like interfering with my relationship with him

bachiraaa: i mean its rlly up to u but me and kuni are still friends with him

bachiraaa: itd be great if we could go back to how things were b4 tho

isagi_y: ok

isagi_y: ykw

isagi_y: im also kinda done

mikagereo: wdym

isagi_y: ill write chigiri an apology

itorin: shouldnt you be getting him to apologize to you though instead of the other way around

isagi_y: thats what id prefer but honestly whatever at this point

isagi_y: if bachiras still friends with chigiri even now then ill get on good terms with chigiri too bc i dont want bachira to be in an awkward position

mikagereo: i guess

mikagereo: ill do that too then

mikagereo: youre right

bachiraaa: AW

bachiraaa: u guys are real ones

isagi_y: on one condition bachira

isagi_y: if chigiri doesnt apologize to me about sending me to the infirmary then im blocking him and never again speaking a word to him

hero: I'm a bit late to the conversation, but I think he will

hero: He isn't the type of person to just accept an apology without apologizing for his own wrongdoings

bachiraaa: AGREED 😋

isagi_y: ok 🫢

*Read 4 02 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 37 PM

itorin: hi. ive calmed down from whatever was going on with my anger before. ive always wanted to do this in person, but the words "apologize to chigiri" has been brought up in a group chat, so ive decided to do this. im genuinely sorry for the four paragraphs i sent you that day. although i meant exactly everything i said, it was wrong of me to word it out like that and after rereading the texts several times, ive come to realize that its not the right way to deal with things. we were both at fault in the situation, and even if i gave my best attempt to respect your boundaries, in the end i couldnt, and thats on me. i know im quite hypocritical just by the fact of me writing this in the first place, but i hold onto grudges and guilt for a long time and i feel like it wont go away if i dont do this. recently, i was talking to someone and they showed me that there is always a reason why a person acts and thinks the way they do, so i cannot blame nor hate anyone. i dont know exactly what happened to you in your childhood, and you dont know exactly what happened to me in my childhood. so i hope you will understand that i was going through a few things in mid-april. and yes, of course its not a valid excuse for what i said, but the truth is there. i dont want to be friends with you, and i hope you dont either, but at the very least id like to be just "a classmate", or "a person in my school", and not "the guy i had beef with" or any sort of description alike to that. thats all i want. but i know i cant always have what i want, so its alright if you completely ignore this message (i seriously promise this time i will never bother you again), as long as you read this.

*Unread*

---

4 51 PM

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: hey, I read ur paragraph and i would like to say that i forgive you for what happened and i would also like to apologize again for the mistakes on my part. I dont want to be friends either but i will call you a classmate and I hope we can still be neutral and maybe friendly towards each other at school. sry if this message may not make complete sense cuz I was up super late last night. also, I received 3 apologies at almost the same time so I am a little mad about the fact that the apologies were kind of being planned, but still, ty.

*Read 4 51 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

4 52 PM

itorin: i apologized to chigiri

itorin: he responded to me

bachiraaa: RLY???

itorin: i think were on decent terms now

bachiraaa: but srsly i wanna know did u apologize bcuz u wanted to or did u do it bcuz of what we were saying in the gc

itorin: i apologized because i realized i agreed with isagis reasoning

bachiraaa: oh

bachiraaa: thx but i rly feel bad now 😭

itorin: dont

itorin: i was gonna do it someday anyway

bachiraaa: well still tyy

itorin: no problem

bachiraaa: 🫶

*Read 5 00 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

5 01 PM

michael.k: hey

isagi_y: shut up dont talk to me right now

michael.k: ok ill throw your headphones out the window

isagi_y: omg

michael.k: what are you even doing

isagi_y: why do you wanna know

michael.k: im just curious

isagi_y: well stop being curious then

isagi_y: ive been trying to figure out how i should respond to chigiris reply to my apology

michael.k: chigiri?

michael.k: right

michael.k: i was sick that day when you got thrown in the infirmary but i heard about it

michael.k: hold on why are you the one apologizing?

isagi_y: bc

isagi_y: i want to get on good terms again for bachira

michael.k: ok

isagi_y: so

isagi_y: what do you want

michael.k: i was gonna tell you that i bought my own headphones

isagi_y: wow finally

isagi_y: wait how

isagi_y: our school is on a mountain

michael.k: i have people who can fly here to deliver it

isagi_y: .. ok mr rich man

isagi_y: put my headphones on my bedside drawer

michael.k: ok

isagi_y: ill be back in like 3 hours

michael.k: where did you even go

isagi_y: why do you care

isagi_y: huh

michael.k: ok dont answer then

michael.k: bye

isagi_y: im at bachiras dorm

michael.k: i thought you didnt wanna answer

isagi_y: shut up

isagi_y: also

isagi_y: ive been wondering this for a while now

isagi_y: you dont have to tell me

isagi_y: but what did you mean back then when you said that you understood why your father abused you

isagi_y: like i kinda understood the gist of it but im confused

michael.k: ok lets put it this way

michael.k: is there anyone you hate

isagi_y: yeah you

michael.k: no use another example

isagi_y: well

isagi_y: i guess if were talking about before chigiri responded to my apology then itd be him

michael.k: why

isagi_y: fym why

michael.k: what is the reason you hate chigiri

isagi_y: i didnt sign up for a counselling lesson

michael.k: just answer

isagi_y: idk??

isagi_y: bc he threw plates at my head???

isagi_y: i just hated him

isagi_y: what more is there to explain

michael.k: ok he threw plates at your head and you hate him for it

michael.k: but why did he throw plates at you

isagi_y: how tf am i supposed to know what goes on in his head 😭

michael.k: theres many possibilities

michael.k: it could be something you said to him that pissed him off

michael.k: it could be that chigiri is a little mental and couldnt control himself

isagi_y: oh actually kunigami told us a little about that

michael.k: huh?

isagi_y: apparently chigiri was diagnosed with some things when he was younger

isagi_y: im not disclosing that information to you though

michael.k: ok well there you have it

isagi_y: ?

michael.k: the reason why chigiri was acting the way he did is because there are issues with his brain

isagi_y: ok what does that have to do with your father

michael.k: it means that its not chigiri's fault that he was born that way

michael.k: you can apply the same theory to my father

michael.k: its not his fault he was born that way

michael.k: its not his fault he was raised into the person he is

michael.k: he took his anger out on me because thats the only thing he knew how to do

michael.k: its what he was taught

michael.k: and if i stayed in that household i probably wouldve grown to be someone like him

isagi_y: oh

isagi_y: ok i see

isagi_y: but his actions are his fault though

michael.k: but theres always a reason behind it

michael.k: and as long as i can understand the reasoning, then im able to understand the actions as well

isagi_y: i can kinda get it

michael.k: good cause im not answering anything else

isagi_y: thanks for telling me

michael.k: i explained it because i didnt want you to get the wrong idea and think im crazy

isagi_y: you are kinda crazy though ngl

michael.k: blocked

isagi_y: lmfao

isagi_y: wait did you actually block me

isagi_y: nvm

*Read 5 34 PM*

-----

Notes:

ok.. uhmmmm so hey guys its acya!.. 😭
okay so.. 😭
i seriously did not mean to ghost you guys but its just that theres so many things i have to get through and fanfic was not a priority.. 😭 FROM NOW ON IT WILL BE A PRIORITY
ok heres the thing, i have MOST of the future chapters drafted out, but its the chapters right before the end of the kiis arc that i find it hard to draft, which is why it will take me a bit longer to update future kiis arc chapters + the transition to the new arc, but after that, it should be around 1 or 2 chapters one week.. but i cant promise that.. 😭
yea, i would like to apologize for a super super super super long wait. thank you all for staying (if you stayed) 😭🙏
and also.. this was kinda a short chapter so im sorry about that too... 😭

Chapter 28: ryurin arc BEGINNING (this is not ryurin please dont leave)

Summary:

huh? did i say ryurin?
nah thats just an alternative title to the arc. this arc revolves around sae (i just didnt want a whole arc related to only one singular person)- so now its ryurin arc because theyre the "closest" to sae

Notes:

hey! acya here! last year 2024, i started this fic as a coping mechanism, so after i had really gotten better i kinda dropped it unfortunately, but i had a lot of drafted chapters and since ive still been receiving emails from people commenting or giving kudos, i chose to continue updating and give the fic a final end.
im doing better than before so i can continue now, but my mind literally goes blank for the ending of kiis arc so im gonna put that arc on hiatus and start our SAE ARC because.. why not LMAO! the ending of kiis arc will be written either AFTER sae arc or in the middle of sae arc.. sorry to the people who are here for kiis (i dont even ship them) but SORRY😭 (i might honestly just not make them a ship but yall can ship if you want idrc lmfao)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Direct Messages

May 19th

8 28 PM

xx-xxx-x: We have a family gathering tomorrow, I already told your school's headmaster.

xx-xxx-x: If you have any human decency, you'd show up, it's important.

xx-xxx-x: Bring your brother too.

*Read 8 36 PM*

-----

Direct Messages

May 20th

1 00 AM

isagi_y: i was feeling nice so

isagi_y: i just wanted to tell you that every laugh i shared with you will stay remembered in my head, they meant a lot to me. youre a special person to me, and ill always see you in a positive light no matter what you do or who you grow up to be. more than half of my motivation for getting up and attending classes was you. i will never be able to express how much you mean to me through words, but with words only, i can say that you are like a star who lights up the things around it. i also have to say that i dont think i can ever find another person thats like you in the future, so whenever im going through a hard time, i told myself to look back at the positive moments i had with you. youre one of the only people i feel like myself when im around, someone who i feel as if i can give you a bomb detonator to kill me and trust that you wont kill me with it, someone who i feel as if i can let free of telling useless lies and speak whatever truth i want with you, someone who i can tell my problems to and trust that you wont tell anyone else. fun fact? youre the first to know about kira, youre the first and only one to know about my past. whenever i had something i either needed help with or needed someone to tell, my mind would always come to you first because that is how much i trust you and believe in you. ill put it this way, if i was a hero about to save the world, i would save you and tell them "he is my world".

isagi_y: yes, you probably mean a lot more to me than you think, but, im also aware that i probably have done some things that you dont like whether its a major thing or a minor thing. i dont know everything that you dislike about me, so i will apologize if ive ever done anything to wrong you. but what i do know is that the situation with chigiri and i affected you and it killed me to realize that it affected you and most likely made you stress a bit about the friend group. i apologize for escalating the situation with chigiri and i know i kept attempting to force you to stop being friends with chigiri, which was not intentional. it makes me feel guilty that you had to go through dealing with "being in the middle of a fight" because ive been in those situations before and i know it isnt fun at all. another thing is that i dont know exactly how you feel about me, if you even care for me as much as i do for you. because frankly, maybe you value me on an equal scale with your other friends, which is good for me and im perfectly fine with, but i value you more than my other friends. im sorry if it makes you more uncomfortable but you need to know that you have changed a life for the better, so please be proud of that. i would be in a much worse state if i never met you. i love your personality, i love your expressions, i love your style, i love your interests, i love everything about you /p. i dont care if you were just people pleasing, i dont care if everything you did and said was an act or fake or just because you didnt want to be "rude". the only thing i care about is the fact that you are you and you are the one that i feel indebted to. its hard to explain how much im thankful for you just even showing up in my life out of completely nowhere. thank you, thank you so much. for what? for absolutely everything, for just being there, for just going to this school in the first place, for being in my classes, for talking to me, for being one of the best friends ive had, for being trustworthy.

isagi_y: ok im done yapping you can do whatever you want with those messages

bachiraaa: OH MY DAYS IM SOBBING

bachiraaa: ILYSM YOCCHAN STOP IT IM ACC FULL OF SOBBING

bachiraaa: thank u so much for being a huge part of my blue lock experience, when i first saw the class list for 11s I was acc about to quit because it seemed like i knew no one in over half of my classes (even the friends i had who were here before i came). so u are also a huge reason i go to class every day and i dont fake being sick like i used to at my other school. and dw NOTHING in the chigiri drama could ever affect our friendship, u could have been the terrorist behind the 911 thing and i still would have been on ur side (THIS IS A JOKE). but OML ITS 1 AM TAKE CARE OF URSELF AND GO TO SLEEPPP

isagi_y: i cant bro my FUCKING ROOMMATE WILL NOT STOP W THE NOISE

bachiraaa: WHAT NOISE😭

isagi_y: PENCIL

isagi_y: yk how writing with a pencil makes noise

isagi_y: THAT

bachiraaa: HOW DO U EVEN HEAR THAT😭😭

isagi_y: BC ITS LOUD😭

bachiraaa: DAMN

*Read 1 16 AM*

-----

Direct Messages

7 52 AM

hi_yo: hiii thanks for being such a good friend to me! youre super fun to be around and make everyone smile, i hope you have a great day!!

bachiraaa: OMG THAnK UUU

hi_yo: 🫶

bachiraaa: 🫶🤩

*Read 7 54 AM*

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

9 04 AM

karasu: @bachiraaa HBD HAVE FUN!!!!!

chigiri: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BACHIII

otoya: hbdd

rin: its not his birthday

chigiri: what

isagi: WDYM RIN

kurona: its not?? i was just about to type happy birthday

bachira: OMG

bachira: IS THAT Y YALL WERE SENDING ME MESSAGES

isagi: bachira.

isagi: is it not your birthday

bachira: NO?????? WHERE DID U GET THAT FROM

karasu: bachira its on your snap

bachira: OH

hiori: oh 😭🙏

isagi: .

bachira: MB GUYS

bachira: I WAS TROLLING THIS OTHER KID WHO HAD MAY 20 AS HIS BDAY

chigiri: BACHIRAA😭

isagi: bachira forget what i said in dms

bachira: NOOO IT WAS SO NICE THO

bachira: DID U NOT ACC MEAN IT😔

isagi: i did but that was supposed to be sent on your BIRTHDAY not some random day

shidou: BEEBOY DID U SEE MY STORY

shidou: I LITRALLY WROTE 10000 WORDS FOR U

bachira: NO I HAVENT OPENED SNAP IN AGES

otoya: mb bachira i was going along with everyone else😭

-Reply to rin: its not his bir..

shidou: RINRINS MONTHLY MESSAGE

hiori: nd its about bachira !! 🗣️

kurona: bachiraaaaa when is your birthday then

bachira: AUG 8

kurona: ok ok!

-----

Direct Messages

9 48 AM

bachiraaa: OML

bachiraaa: YK WHAT YOCCHAN SENT ME AT 1 AM BCUZ HE THOUGHT IT WAS MY BDAY

bachiraaa: TWO PARAGRAPHS OF PURE SWEETNESS😭🙏

itorin: congratulations

bachiraaa: i expect u to compete with that on my real bday😡 /j

itorin: dont worry i will

itorin: also im not going to be here tomorrow morning

bachiraaa: HUH WDYM

itorin: i have a family gathering to attend today and apparently im staying for the night

itorin: but ill be back in the afternoon

bachiraaa: awwww OK

---

Direct Messages

10 04 AM

mikagereo: hey

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: hey

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: wsp

mikagereo: so i heard youve ignored kunigami for a while now

mikagereo: yk you might want to talk to him

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: wdym i dont ignore him

mikagereo: im talking about when you confessed that one time and he finally said he liked you back but you didnt respond

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: idrk

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im kinda dealing with my own thing rn

mikagereo: yeah and thats partially why im texting you too

mikagereo: i havent seen you for a while either

mikagereo: i get it if you just need to chill for a bit but when you dont show up to our dorm for hours past midnight its kinda worrying yk

mikagereo: in all seriousness if you need to talk ill always be here

mikagereo: ik you dont get along with the people in close with but you also have to remember that im not them

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: idk

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: im fine tho ty for the concern

mikagereo: i just dont want you to be alone in whatever youre going thru

mikagereo: bc ive been there and ik it sucks

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: its ok im not

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ty again

mikagereo: np make sure youre getting enough sleep too

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: sure

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: honestly

mikagereo: ?

gaslightgatekeepgirlboss: ur a good person

mikagereo: and ik you are too

*Read 10 18 AM*

-----

Notes:

yet another short chapter! but dont worry cause the next one will be out within an hour (just count them as the same) anyway so i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read, kudoed, commented, laughed to, and cried to this fic. i really appreciate the support i had gotten

Chapter 29: we are the helpless, selfish, one of a kind, millenium kids that all wanna die

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Conan Gray's "Generation Why"

ryurin arc

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNING!
-mention of drugs
-mention of death

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It's been two hours since Rin arrived at the seemingly all too familiar house, one he used to call home, and he had been itching to leave since he got here. People were gathering and talking away, catching each other up on their lives, while Rin was sitting on a couch on his phone.

"Can't you just- like- stay out of my life for even a minute?!"

Rin turned his phone off and placed it on the table in front of him. He got up and turned towards the familiar sounding voice.

"No! I can't, because it'll harm you!"

Everyone in the room stares at the two arguing, one with her hair in a bun, a little shorter than the other, who has the same turquoise eyes as Rin. Without thinking much, Rin speaks up. "Of course it's you who's ruining the reunion after 5 years of not seeing each other. Just shut up, whatever you're pissed about probably isn't that deep."

Rin blinked once, but as he opened them again, a glass vase was right in front of his face. "The fuck are you? Crazy?" Fortunately, he dodged it in time.

Staring menacingly back at him, Sae retaliates, "This doesn't and never did involve you."

Grabbing both their attentions, their mother talks again, attempting to calm things down. "Sae, those are drugs, you can't be doing them. It'll wreck your health.."

"So you just decided the best idea was to throw them out without even talking to me about it?? It was a fucking gift."

"..Who is giving these to you?"

"Doesn't concern you."

Suddenly, Rin's grandmother walked into the situation, "Everyone, please calm down and stop fighting." She took Sae's hand and sat him down on a couch, also motioning for Rin to come over. Well, he couldn't refuse his grandmother, and neither could Sae. Rin looked over as he watched the rest of his relatives carry on conversing as if nothing happened.

-----

Direct Messages

9 42 PM

May 20th

itorin: i just got lectured for something i didnt even do lmao

bachiraaa: LOL WHAT HAPPENED

itorin: apparently shidou gave sae drugs and they were found by my mother

itorin: then sae started throwing a fit

itorin: and my grandmother talked to him (and me for some reason? for a long time

bachiraaa: DANG

*Read 9 44 PM*

-----

"Rin, be respectful and put your phone down when I'm talking please." Rin looked up, and reluctantly closed his phone.

"I wasn't even part of this." He responds.

"It isn't just about the drugs, I have other things to say too." From his side, Rin could sense Sae's endless boredom. "I didn't give birth to your mother, you know that right? Yet even if I didn't, I know her by heart, and it feels as if she indeed is my biological child."

Sae cuts in, reading exactly what Rin was thinking, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I want you to know that I understand your mother and I know how she can be at times. I'm well aware she can be overprotective or hard on you boys, but I think we all know deep inside, she just really cares about your wellbeing. You don't have to yell or be rude to her when all she was trying to do is what she thinks is the right thing for you."

"Okay-" Rin was cut off by another unexpected voice. "Why don't I take you guys out for a small surprise? As an apology to Sae, but also for a bonding time." Rin looks at his mother, who appeared into the conversation out of nowhere.

"Guess that's a sign for me to leave." He watched as his grandmother stood up and went to interact with others.

Getting up from the couch, Sae takes his mother up on her offer, "What surprise?"

"Well.. I was thinking since when you were 13, your earrings had an infection and you had to grow the skin back.. so we can go get them re-pierced! And Rin can get his pierced for the first time."

Rin opens his phone again, looking to see if Bachira had texted him. "Sure."

-----

Direct Messages

10 03 PM

itorin: im getting my ears pierced

bachiraaa: WHAT

bachiraaa: COOL

itorin: yea

-----

BLUE LOCK WOOO

10 05 PM

rin: @ur_fav_bbg why would you gift someone drugs

rin: what the fuck is wrong with you

bachira: E

karasu: wht is happening

bachira: RINNIE YK SAE IN THIS GC RIGHT

rin: he never checks it

rin: also shidou has me blocked so i cant direct message

hiori: i smell drama

karasu: no fr

karasu @ur_fav_bbg what is this about bro

shidou: wHAT

shidou: hmmmmmmmmmmmm

shidou: rinrin how did u know bout that😨

shidou: also theres completely NOTHING wrong w/ me OFC also its like not even that deep he literly does drugs with other ppl excluding me

otoya: fight

niko: smh you guys need to go on mute smhsmh

shidou: rinrin all quiet suddenly

karasu: i think he just went off

bachira: he doesnt care abt u enough to argue shidou😔

shidou: HE LITERLY STARTED THE CONVO

isagi: guys stfu

niko: dont agree with me isagi

isagi: i didnt even say anything to you tf

otoya: another fight

hiori: 🍿

isagi: im not dealing with this

-----

Direct Messages

11 11 PM

itoshisae: ive come to realize something

michael.k: oh so now im unblocked?

itoshisae: is anything really worth it?

itoshisae: does anything really matter?

michael.k: tf you spitting shit about

itoshisae: realistically speaking if everything was bound to die and decay over time anyway, then humanity would eventually be gone. the earth would be gone.

itoshisae: when a person dies, they lose all consciousness, they cant think. its just blank and nothing

itoshisae: so when that time does come, when humanity is at its end, will anything i have done in this life matter?

itoshisae: even now, will the fact that i unblocked you and am texting you matter even one little tiny bit in the future?

itoshisae: the answer is no.

michael.k: im uninterested in your little speech

itoshisae: youll be dead, ill be dead, this speech will be long forgotten. it doesnt rly matter if youre uninterested

itoshisae: so there rly is no point in doing anything

michael.k: there is

michael.k: maybe you just havent found your point in life yet.

*Read 11 28 PM*

-----

Notes:

hmm..

Chapter 30: end credits (NOT A CHAPTER)

Summary:

what the title says ^^

Notes:

!ALL MENTIONED NAMES ARE CONSENTED TO!
!CONTENT WARNING!
-suicidal tendencies mentioned

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

!BEFORE READING! -nobody has the right to be mad at me for writing this fic. i did not mention any real life names, therefore i am not exposing any personal information. you cannot accuse me of "telling the public what happened" since the public doesnt know its you. i will say this again, all mentioned names are consented to.

hi, im acya (pronounced ay-see-ya). i go by ace for short

this is the credits page; where i got my ideas from and why i was able to write this, etc

thank you for sticking with me and reading all the way through, this "chapter" was supposed to be posted at the very end of the story, but ill post it now, you can read if you want or skip if you dont.

this fic is rin centric. why? i kin rin and it was easiest to explain the story through rins perspective than any other characters (yes indeed, events in this fic are based on my life)

-writing the fic

Arkhos Winter

you are one of the main reasons why i decided to write this in the first place. thank you for being a friend to me ever since late 2022. i really dont think i wouldve survived without you, and although we had pretty rough situations where our friendship stopped, i will always feel a connection to you for helping me live. currently, we arent exactly friends anymore, but i still wanted to thank you for being with me through one of the lowest points in my life.

im glad to have met you. thank you.

Frederic Lin

you helped me develop a part of the plot of this story. "why did rin push bachira away?" equivalent to why did i break up with you? i realized that i never really gave you a full answer. i told you that i wanted to break up to focus on my academics and i didnt realize how shitty of an excuse that is until ryan brought it up in the server. i told flora that i broke up for personal reasons that i didnt want to explain. im sorry for breaking up because i didnt want you to get hurt. in the end, you wouldnt have gotten hurt anyway because i didnt die. i wouldve stayed with you if i was in a better mindset, but now after a year of our breakup, of course i dont feel anything romantic towards you anymore. when i first met you, all i wanted was to be friends with you. but then this happened and we kinda stopped talking. im glad that we have it sorted out now and im glad youre my friend.

in this fic, you played the role of introducing me to blue lock, i wouldve never wrote this if it wasnt for you. thank you.

Joshua Wang

i dont know how to start this. thank you so much for helping me get through everything. i know i told you my mindset didnt change, but you know what? ive thought about it for a long time. maybe a few weeks, and i realized that maybe you were right. maybe you were right. you are the sole reason im still living right now. be proud of yourself for succeeding in helping someone, i love you a lot for everything youve done/p.

im glad that i went to you on march 4th 2024 and not anyone else. thank you.

The Person Who Played Most of Itoshi Sae

no name mentioned here.

you know, 糸師凛 once said "part of me wants the rest of me to know that i still love and admire 糸師冴 even if he destroyed my life." its almost as if i can replace rin and sae with you and i. i couldve had a perfectly ordinary life if it werent for you honestly. father once told me "你还不明白? 她有问题. 她每天要去心理学家. 她有ADHD." someone once said "sae isnt a bad brother. he knows the reality of the world and he needed to shut down rins optimism so that rin doesnt go through the same thing that he did." and ive been wondering. is your way of "shutting down my optimism so i dont go through the same thing that you did" to tell me that i should just kill myself? is that your method of trying to protect me? or is it just the fact that you absolutely despise me? 真的有问题.

The Person Who Played a Little Part of Shidou Ryusei

no name mentioned here.

all i want to say is thank you for being there for your s/o. thank you taking care of them.

The Person Who Played a Big Part of Chigiri Hyoma

no name mentioned here.

im just glad we could sort things out. and honestly, i only posted our feud onto ao3 because i wanted to see what other people from outside our situation would think about the situation, then the fic started to turn into a coping method. but originally, yea, and i did get what i wanted. some people commented things that helped me understand your side of the story and realize that i was also in the wrong.

thank you for respecting my boundaries after i made them clear to you. i will respect yours as well.

-ideas

translation from other languages into english (linked) --- credits go to user "rivercloudss" on ao3 (although i couldnt figure out how to do it like they did)

chigiri being a huge fan of reo --- credits go to user "UsernameAndPassword" on ao3

lyrics as chapter titles --- credits go to user "elyxx" on ao3

bachira texting an account that never replies to him --- its part of his schizophrenia; the idea is from me using an alt account to text random shit to

-supporters (yall are always my biggest motivation to do anything)

User "WEEELOVEEEBLUEELOCKK" on AO3

hey there! i feel like youve been one of my biggest supporters and i just wanted to say that i love the fact that you commented on quite literally every single chapter whenever i post, even if some of them are silly short comments. whether or not its your intention to make me feel supported, i feel a little happier inside when you comment and it makes me think "i need to finish this chapter so i can post it soon." i find writing fun, so in short, you help me bring a little more fun into my life instead of just sitting all day doing absolutely nothing, but it isnt just the concept of comments, its also the comments that you post in general. i recall opening my email because ao3 told me someone commented, and i started smiling so much when i saw "THIS IS GETTING A BIT TO REALISTIC WITH HOW YOU WRITE THIS AUTHOR STOP IM GONNA CRY 😭." thats one of my favourite comments out of all of the comments i have. thank you 🤍

(EDIT: i just saw your account got deleted! if you ever come back to this fic on a new account please do interact!)

User "Fyozai_Shipper" on AO3

hiii (on the side note i love bsd and marina)! youve also been a big supporter of this fic and have stuck with me until the very end!! youve commented on a lot of the chapters and i really loved that one comment where you said "Ok rins story here is really making me sad:( , I'm always left alone ..... , That line is too relatable." my aim for the fic is to have relatable characters, but especially rin since now you know rins character is based off of me. that comment of yours really made me realize that im not alone out there in the world and there are people who carry on with their lives while sharing the pain that i have. thank you for reading this 🤍

User "YChuaZY" on AO3

hellooo! ok so first of all, id like to announce you as the biggest bachirin shipper that i know of! anyway, your comments have made my days as well. my favourite one that you wrote was "DAMNIT...RIN CMON JUST DONT BE SO SELFISH...BACHIRA LOVES YOU DONT CONTROL IT..." this comment kind of changed my view on joshua wang (the person who bachira was based off of during the chapter you commented on ||disclaimer they dont love me romantically) since what rin did is almost exactly what i did, and changing my view on this person helped me change my view on many other things such as my suicidal thoughts which i originally had. thank you 🤍

now my absolute favourite comment of all times has to be "COULDNT EVEN CRY LMFAOO!!!11 🤣🤣😂 BROKE DOWN IMMDEATLY 😹😹😆😆 CLEAN UP ISLE ON MY WRISTS!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥" by Guest "lynn" on AO3. i started hysterically laughing when i saw this and it lightened my mood, thank you 🤍

-chapters 6-12

many people have commented their thoughts on the situation during these chapters, and i genuinely loved all of the insights. so, thank you to "Fyozai_Shipper", "icelyn (guest)" now as "celvacre", "Raijin_no_Tenshi", "itkazneo", "WEEELOVEEEBLUEELOCKK", "Lethargic_loser", "josworld_96", "cyberabbit", "E_Menace", and "kayzlo".

but, ESPECIALLY "stellalikescats", "mrsitoshi", and "Buttonface (guest)".

thank you all 🤍

also just a little note: if it seemed like i was heavily defending rin in my comment replies im sorry😭

anyways! thats all <3

-acya

Notes:

i just want to thank everybody once more.
thank you to all the readers of this fic for staying with me through this entire ride. early 2024 was not an easy time for me, and i wouldve had no motivation to do absolutely anything if you guys werent here reading this. all the supportive comments about either me writing the fic or just comments of the fic in general always lit up my day whenever i received an email that somebody commented. i love you all and thank you so much.
thank you all so much for reading, and special thank you to those who read the fic many months after i dropped it such as "zakizakizakiki", "haley (guest)", and "chemxcialX"
next chapter will be posted depending on my work schedule for the week.. sorry!

Chapter 31: might share a face and share a last name, but we are not the same

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Conan Gray's "Family Line"

ryurin arc chapter 3

Notes:

!CONTENT WARNINGS!
-mention of suicide
-mention of implied murder
-excessive swearing
-mention of the acts of murder
-physical violence

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It was 2 00 in the morning. Itoshi Rin was sitting on a bed in a room which was assigned for him to sleep in, with his computer in his lap, completing an essay that was assigned last week. It was tiring, but the homework was due the day back from the weekend.

Rin wasn't feeling very well because needles made him sick to the core. Just a few hours ago, Sae had re-pierced his ears while Rin pierced his for the first time, and god did they sting like hell. He attempted to focus on his work so he could actually sleep 'early' for once.

Suddenly, the door to the room swung open, a face resembling his own walking in.

He looks up, face scowling, "What?" He was already pissed that the person didn't knock, but he was more angry about who it was.

"Would you have an extra earring by any chance? I was disinfecting my ears and my earring fell down the sink," Sae voiced.

"Why would I? I literally just got them pierced. Ask someone else." Each second passing by in Sae's presence made Rin want to jump off a building.

"Everyone else is asleep."

"Okay." Rin expects the other to leave his room and walk away, but to his surprise, Sae stands there, unmoving.

"Can you come with me? Mother is three floors above us."

Now, Rin was confused. "Now you want to bond with your little brother? ... Why? and no, I won't be going anywhere."

"Why not?"

"That's what I asked. Why?" He raised an eyebrow. "..I'm tired, and I don't feel like walking right now."

Sae stares holes into him, "You can't even do this one thing for me?"

"No, because like I said, I'm tired right now." Rin felt beyond confused.

"All you care about is yourself."

"..Okay? Can you like, leave."

"Like, at the very least you could've went with me."

"Well I didn't because I didn't want to, and thats the end of it."

"You're so helpful to your brother." Though Rin was exhausted, he could tell that was obvious sarcasm.

"Do you want me to be completely honest with you right now? Ever since you came back from Spain, I've never thought of you as a brother. Don't call yourself that."

There was a slight pause before Sae spoke up again, "So you hate me? Is that what this is?"

"Sure, I do hate you." Rin didn't hesitate.

"Why do you hate me? I think hate is a pretty strong word, you know."

"There are a lot of things. You just changed compared to before you went to Spain, I guess."

"Tell me about the, 'things'"

Rin let out a long sigh, "How about we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No tell me, tell me what I did to wrong you."

"I'm tired right now and I'm not gonna bring up every single thing you did."

"What did I do?" Sae kept pressing.

"Okay, how about this? For example, you right now is trying to push at me by asking what you did and trying to force me to tell you. That's fucking annoying and one reason I hate you is because of that. It's honestly the main reason too, you never respect my boundaries. Just like a few minutes ago, too, I told you 'no', yet you keep pushing and keep asking."

"Okay? So that just makes us not brothers?"

"It's not just that, but as I said I'm not naming every single thing because i know things are gonna get escalated and I don't wanna wake everyone up. Leave the room and we can talk tomorrow if you'd like."

"How are things gonna get escalated?"

"I'm gonna lose my temper, it's not you, but I know that if we keep talking then I will lose my temper and things will get escalated. I've kept calm for now."

"Well things are gonna escalate if you don't tell me."

"Well if things are gonna escalate either way then I'd rather go by what I want than what you want."

"Just tell me. It's not that hard."

Rin doesn't want to escalate things and believes he should be able to control his temper, so he reluctantly gives in, "Okay fine, come here". Sae walks towards the bed that Rin is sitting on and sits beside him. Rin felt uncomfortable with it, but didn't say anything. He gives Sae one of his airpods and plays a voice recording on his phone, and fighting of their mother's, father's, and Sae's voice could be heard in the recording.

The recording was taken one day when their family counsellor told Sae that his mother had said she wished he's turn 18 and move out already. Rin vividly remembers overhearing how hurt Sae was from this and how angry his mother was.

His mother's voice could be heard in the recording. "Going back to what I was talking about, like as a counsellor, you do listen to things that every family member says, and if you feel like something that we say could fix the problem by telling another member what one says, then thats okay. But, you told me the reason you wanted it to specifically be one on one talks with you instead of sitting all of the members down together at once, was because you felt like everyone had things to say that were private and didn't want other members to know about. So going by this, you told me in the beginning that what I say to you, you won't tell my children, and that what they say to you, you won't tell me. And by you telling me this, I trusted you a lot since you are also a professional counsellor."

Another woman's voice popped out. "Okay, so I've sat in this job position for 16 years now, yes I am a professional, but the problem here is that you think I told your elder son about something you said, which I will be denying. As a professional family counsellor, I would never in any year of having this job spill what one family member says to another."

"Then I want to know how my son knows about the exact words that I told you yesterday."

"I don't know how he would know about anything we talked about yesterday."

"Just a few minutes ago, when his session with you ended, he was taking the bus back to our house and he called me saying that he never wanted to see you again. Apparently you said to him that if he ever wanted to leave our family then you would support him with basic needs such as house renting. I really don't like the fact that you even said this to him in the first place, because isn't the whole point of family counselling to help a family stay put together? But, you're just giving him other options."

"Okay, I'm sorry about that. But, I was only stating if, and I told him because he's 17, almost an adult, and he needs to know that there is at least one person out there, me, who will support him financially if he ever needs the help."

"Sure, but thats not really my point. He called me right after your session with him. You wanna know the exact words he said to me? He said, and I quote, 'do you really want me to move out right this second?'. He hates me now. Thank you so fucking much."

"I swear I didn't tell him anything-"

"Then how the hell does he know? Explain to me this. I'm just calling you to tell you that my family will never be seeing you again. I agree with my son. Goodbye."

After the recording finishes, Rin turns to the one beside him. "Remember this? I was the one who told you that mother wanted you to move out. You didn't believe me at first so you called her to see. So stupid right? Why couldn't the three of you just let me have a normal life?"

Sae stays silent at that, so Rin take it as a sign to play a second recording. "This one was at midnight when I was trying to sleep one day."

The voice in the background was Sae's, "Why won't you let me go for a walk?"

His mother answers him, "It's so late! I'm not letting you walk at this hour."

"It's just a walk. I'll be back in like 10 minutes."

"No, it isn't safe out there. It's dark. And, where would you even be going?"

"I've already said that its just a walk. It doesn't matter where I'm going and if you're scared for whatever reason then just go with me."

"I'm not going outside, so you aren't either. You woke me up from my sleep. Go back to bed, please."

"No. You know what? At this point I don't really care. I'm going out for a walk and I'll be back in 10 minutes."

"If you take even one step outside I'm calling the police."

"Okay, call them. It's just a fucking walk. They'll get mad at you for calling for such a dumb reason."

"Oh my god, just go back to your room."

A door creaking could be heard from the recording, and following after was his father's voice. "What exactly is happening?"

"She won't let me do what I want."

Another door opening is heard.

"It's not that fucking deep. Just don't go for a walk then for fuck's sake."

"Rin! Go back to sleep."

Rin contemplates it for a second, and decides to play one last recording. It begins with his mother's voice again.

"Are you mentally insane?! stop!"

Clashing and glass cracking can be heard, along with items being thrown around.

Sae's voice comes in, "Yeah, I'm insane. What about it? What about you? You seem like an insane person too. Never mind, I said that wrong, you don't even qualify as a person."

"What are you doing??"

A younger version of Rin can be heard, "Hey what the fuck? That's my computer? Put it down!" From the sounds of the recording, whatever Sae held was broken. "I need that shit for school you fucking maniac!"

"Well why don't you just drop out of school and become a failure in life? Seems like a suiting career for you."

Rin pauses the recording. He remembers punching Sae in the face that day, with Sae laughing and saying 'Who's the maniac now?', but it wasn't necessary to get his point across to the person next to him currently.

Now, Sae interrupts whatever Rin was about to say, "What is your point?"

"...every single time these things happen, I just feel like I don't want to be in this family. I still have like 30 more recordings."

Sae takes the airpod out and puts it on the bed, "What does that have to do with you hating me?"

"From a third person view, most of these fights are either ones that you start or that you escalate into a larger situation. The ones that involve me are because I always get dragged into them."

"Well if mother wasn't here then maybe this family would be fine."

"Well maybe if you weren't here then this family would be fine. You always think about the wrongs of other people, but what about yourself? Think about your own wrongs."

"Okay, family fights, so? Every family has fights."

"Not nearly as much or as bad as this."

"First off, how do you think mother and father would react if they knew you recorded their arguments?"

"Obviously they wouldn't like it."

"Yeah, same thing with me. Why do you even record these anyway? They don't bring any positive feelings."

"Because I want to feel the hurt, maybe I'm a fucking masochist."

"Hurt? How does this even hurt you?"

"It's like, living in a mental asylum."

"It's not that deep."

"It's not that deep for you, but guess what? We are two different people and we have different opinions."

"Okay, well there are times when fact goes against your opinion."

"..I also dislike how you think you're right most of the time. Just now, you're telling me a, quote unquote, 'fact' which is wrong because my feelings are whats fact. So you don't know what fact is or isn't because you don't know my feelings. You aren't me."

"No, but the topics that we argue about really aren't that deep."

"Okay, I misinterpreted that. I thought you meant that the fight itself isn't deep, but yes the topics aren't deep. So? It doesn't change what tones you guys use when you argue or how you get all worked up and angry."

"Well I'm sorry I'm mentally ill which is something I cant control, and I didn't know we weren't allowed to have emotions?"

"I never said that, and there are things I cant control as well, and it's normal. It just means that we are just not fit to be brothers. That's all there is to it."

"So me fighting with them makes you hate me?"

"Yes. That isn't all obviously. This is what I said to my friend." Rin finds his chat with Bachira from a bit ago, "Look here, remember the time in Vegas? You didn't respect my space. I told you that I felt uncomfortable around you and for you to leave me alone, so I went in the elevator and I clearly remember the elevator door closing, but you pushed it back open and walked into the elevator with me."

"Your point?"

"My point, is that, you don't respect boundaries. Also, after our Vegas trip, you barged into my room and asked me to apologize, and I said I wasn't going to so you pulled my hair. I threw my phone at your back and father came upstairs. You told him that I hit you and denied the fact that you pulled my hair."

"Okay? I mean, honestly, who wouldn't lie about that?"

"At least I for one, am honest about things. So, I was thinking that you only act like this towards me because our parents are unfair towards us."

"Unfair?"

"Yeah, like don't you think that I get more attention than you from them?"

"No? Why would I think that? I think that our parents are fair with us."

"Then why did you tell me three or so years ago that you act like this towards me because I'm an 'easy target' to get back at mother for?"

"I don't remember saying that."

"Okay, then. So, your telling me that you think our parents are fair?"

"I mean, nothing in the world is fair, but yeah, overall pretty fair."

"Then I got that wrong, doesn't change everything you've done to me though."

"I just feel kind of hurt, because I tried to be good to you and be friends with you, but now you're telling me that you don't even think of me as your brother."

"Would you have rathered it if I told you all of this earlier?"

"Yes."

"Okay, sorry for that then, but I'm telling you now, so thats that."

"I don't care about that, but I also wanna know why you're telling your friends about me. Like, I don't really appreciated being shit talked about."

"I told, one, person and it was because I was about to kill myself."

"Well you should've just done it."

A stab to the chest, "... I did, attempt."

"Oh, actually I think I remember."

"Yeah."

"Well you should've tried harder then"

A second stab. Rin was done with this conversation, he felt as if he was going to vomit. "..."

Sae looked right into his eyes, "I'll do you a favour and do it for you."

It took Rin a few seconds to gather himself together. "How about you do me another favour and do that to yourself?"

"I can't, because I have things to live for unlike you."

"I mean, if you want me dead so badly then why don't you just stop bothering me and go to your room and think of me as already dead?"

"I never said I wanted you dead, I just said I'll do you a favour."

"Look, I'm tired. I want to sleep. Please leave this room."

Rin then grabs his phone and sets it on the bedside table, turning away from Sae with his back to the other.

THWACK

It felt as if a bolt of lightning just struck the side of Rin's head, threatening his consciousness. He felt it two more times before hastily turning around and taking hold of the wrists of the man sitting before him. Rin let go and got off the bed, standing and staring, holding onto his head with one hand. Noticing that Sae had a phone in his hand, he realized that it was Sae's phone that hit him 3 times in the head.

"What the fuck?"

The one who was still on the bed stayed completely silent.

Suddenly, the door opened, and their aunt, who was in the room next to Rin's, stepped in. "Huh? What's happening?"

Rin steps away from Sae and stops beside the wall, "Holy.. fuck I'm gonna pass out-" he whispered, but loud enough to be heard.

"Then pass out." And, man did that statement do something to Rin's head.

"Are you trying to fucking commit a homicide?" He asks, still shook.

"Haha, I'm going to kill you? So laughable that I can almost make that true." A smile sneaks itself up to Sae's face.

Their aunt was still attempting to understand the situation, "What? What even happened?"

Rin raises his other hand and points at Sae. "He hit me in the head 3 times with his fucking phone and now I'm gonna lose consciousness."

"If you're gonna faint then you're just weak, I didn't even hit that hard."

"He's still talking to me about whatever shit." Rin states to his aunt, standing in the doorway.

"Okay, listen, you guys need to stop its two AM and let's not wake everybody up. You're both our family's pretty and young boys and it hurts to see you guys fight," she's able to make out.

"I'm prettier than him."

"He's still talking."

Their aunt attempts to alleviate things, "Listen, I used to fight with my brother, your father, all the time when we were younger, okay? But we would always be fine afterwards. And that's because we would never physically attack each other. If the two of you are in an argument that involves physical attacks, then you should both get some rest and go to sleep and solve this tomorrow."

Sae responds to her, "Why are you only mad at me? Like it was literally his fault you woke up because he screamed 'what the fuck' so fucking loudly. Stop blaming me."

"I'm not mad at you!" She's beginning to think that things are getting worse by the second.

"Why are you only talking to me then? You're fucking unfair."

"I'm talking to the both of you!"

At this point, Rin is really unable to calm himself anymore, "Yeah, are you fucking blind? Are you proud? Are you proud of what your life has become? You're a failure, that's what you are. You're 18 and would be repeating a grade if you didn't fake your report cards when applying to the school. You're 18, you're a fucking adult and you cant even be sane enough to be at the very least a decent older brother, or a human being at that. Get what I mean? A fucking failure."

His aunt gasps, "Rin-"

Sae gets up and walks out of the room, and his aunt walks after him and closes the door when she leaves. "He said he hates me, and that I'm not his brother."

She was silent for a moment, but replied, "How can you think that Rin wouldn't hate you if you hit him in the head?"

"He said if I wasn't in this family then things would be better."

Rin heard that, and he retaliated by yelling from inside his room, making sure his door is locked this time. "That was after you said that if mother wasn't here then things would be better."

"I didn't say that." Sae denied.

"Yes you fucking did."

"He's lying."

"Who's lying? Fucking retard."

Their aunt yelled between the bickering, "Stop! Rin, just go to sleep."

Rin doesn't care anymore, his head hurts and he just wants to sleep. Sleep because then he doesn't need to feel anything. Sleep because then he doesn't need to think. He just wants to sleep and possibly never wake up.

Notes:

maybe i am around 3.5 months late to update this. but here you go, and again, i dont know when ill be able to update the next, im sorry. thanks again to everyone who reads this and leaves kudos or comments or whatever. i have year end exams coming up so i will be busy.

Chapter 32: the freedom of falling and the feeling i thought was set in stone

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Dean Lewis' "Waves"

Notes:

okay so, i feel like, i dont really have an interest in finishing this though i really want to, but i dont have any motivation especially since im not that into this fandom anymore. but i WILL post all the drafts that i wrote out and give the readers a clear ending, even if it isnt fully written out. you can imagine !! sorry, but i will also be archiving this after. thank you all for the support the past year though, ive loved every single one of you throughout this. including this chapter, the next ones will all be drafts so they may not make much sense on some parts and may have excluded information. apologies again, and thank you again

Chapter Text

PLEASE READ THE NOTES ABOVE

Direct Messages

sometime

itorin: do me a favour

itorin: take care of sae, thank you

ur_fav_bbg: rinrin wtf

itorin: just shut the fuck up for a second and take care of him

ur_fav_bbg: hey ik theres like a buncha shit between u 2 but pls be kind to him

ur_fav_bbg: he cares about u a lot

itorin: its hard to when his actions contradict that small feeling you call "care" towards me

ur_fav_bbg: what actions r contradicting? like all ppl, sometimes his actions arent representative of his core intentions

ur_fav_bbg: he loves u and i dont think he was trying to be deceitful in his relationship with u

itorin: i dont know, after he hit me in the head 3 or 4 times at 2 30 am and still blamed the situation on me even when he was the one who bothered me at midnight, if going by what you said about him not trying to be deceitful in this relationship, then that could be true but hes just too mentally ill for me to be kind to him. ive already tolerated talking to him for a year and i was just done with it when he came up to me at 1 am, so it isnt exactly me who needs to be kind to him, just him who needs to control his temper around me, and although he might think positivly about me deep inside, it doesnt change his actions

itorin: youre the person closest to him, so itd be appreciated if you take care of him and possibly help him with whatever he has going on in his brain

ur_fav_bbg: im his partner, but ur his brother

ur_fav_bbg: ik he can lose his temper and act out like that sometimes

ur_fav_bbg: but hurting him with words wont help him change

ur_fav_bbg: i can understand getting bothered at 1 is annoying asf

itorin: i personally cant control myself at this point after everything hes done to me has built up over the past few years, so i will probably be continuing to say things that i think about him to him if he ever does something that pisses me off again. i know "hurting him with words" wont help him change but its the reality and i also know that i cannot do anything about it, which is why i need you to be the one to help him and take care of him

ur_fav_bbg: idk whats happened between the two of u over the years

ur_fav_bbg: im sure both of u have changed and it seems like the past isnt really staying in the past between u two

ur_fav_bbg: and thats normal bc things build up

ur_fav_bbg: can u tell me what things he does that bothers u

itorin: its mostly just the fact that he doesnt respect boundaries. whenever he asks me a question to do something and i respond with "no" or "i dont want to", he creates an argument out of it because he wont take "no" for "no"

itorin: but otherwise, it just kind of fell apart when he came back from spain

itorin: he just wasnt the same anymore and it pissed me off because he would start being really rude for absolutely no reason

ur_fav_bbg: ic thanks for talking to me about it

ur_fav_bbg: cant promise anything but ill help take care of him

itorin: okay, thank you

*Read sometime*

-----

Direct Messages

sometime

itorin: im

itorin: actually

itorin: about to fucking kill myself

itorin: but youre probably sleeping right now and i dont want to wake you up

itorin: then again im desperate

*itorin has started a voice call* -UNANSWERED

bachiraaa: HEY

bachiraaa: R U OK WHATS UP ITS LIKE 4 AM

bachiraaa: ALSO YA I WAS SLEEPING BUT ITS OK

bachiraaa: WHATS HAPPENING

itorin: i dont know

itorin: hey can i ask for you to not text back for at least half an hour

bachiraaa: UM

bachiraaa: YA SURE ILL TRY

itorin: ok

itorin: i just dont understand why he cant just get the fuck out of my life

itorin: why cant he just move out already

itorin: "youre so helpful to your brother"

itorin: you cant even call yourself my "brother"

itorin: im a fucking only child and its a fact

itorin: like im tired

itorin: if you care so much about your stupid earring then go ask if theres extras

itorin: "im just saying that all you care about is yourself"

itorin: like ok i mean

itorin: sure thats probably true

itorin: but arent you exactly the same

itorin: i think

itorin: i think i will never see him the same way again

itorin: it was kind of funny though how he proceeded to hit me in the head with his phone

itorin: hes actually fucking ill

itorin: mentally fucking ill

itorin: he needs to go to a mental hospital and fucking stay there until im 18

itorin: hes saying he doesnt want to see me at all

itorin: and ive told him already that i didnt like him i hate him i want him out

itorin: but he keeps talking to me

itorin: SO IF YOU DONT WANT TO FUCKING SEE ME IN YOUR LIFE THEN STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME

itorin: IT ISNT THAT FUCKING HARD

itorin: YOURE JUST A FUCKING MENTALLY ILL BITCH

itorin: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE A BETTER PERSON

itorin: like shut the fuck up YOURE SO ANNOYING JUST DIE

itorin: JUST FUCKING DIE

itorin: I HOPE HE DIES

itorin: I HOPE HE STOPS LIVING

itorin: I HOPE HE KILLS HIMSELF

itorin: PAINFULLY

itorin: "my heart hurts" WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT MY FUCKING HEAD HURTS BECAUSE YOU STARTED BANGING YOUR FUCKING PHONE ON MY HEAD

itorin: SO FUCKING MENTAL

itorin: KILL YOURSELF

itorin: GO DIE

itorin: genuinely

bachiraaa: its been 30 min

bachiraaa: where r u rn

itorin: still at my family's lodge

bachiraaa: when r u coming back to the school

itorin: well now its right fucking now

bachiraaa: no stop its like 5 am sun hasnt risen yet

itorin: then ill call a car to get me at 6

bachiraaa: ok

bachiraaa: look i think its better for u if u talk to me abt it in person instead of over text

so i thought that sae and i had a pretty decent talk. we didnt argue in the talk and we also agreed on a few things and we understood each other fine. some parts we were in disagreement, but it didnt seem like either of us said anything purposefully meant to harm the other, so im just confused. i dont know why he still hit me when our conversation went fine. i just told him that i was tired, i wanted to sleep, asked him to leave my room, and that was that

Chapter 33: i shouldve known that it was dumb love, 15 dozen roses

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Conan Gray's "Yours"

kaisagi arc chapter

Notes:

so this was lowkey gonna be a continuation of the kiis arc but yea i put that on hold and theres only the idea here! nothing else

Chapter Text

kaiser vents to isagi cause isagi noticed the blue rose shit (?)

Chapter 34: cause i know that we fall apart when nothings new

Summary:

chapter title is lyrics from Rio Romeo's "Nothing's New"

Notes:

this is continuing from the sae arc
:

Chapter Text

hello

rin: hi

shidou: do you care about him at all

like the tinyest inkling

what kind of answer do you want

a straight up or detailed

the honest one

since you arent cooperating ill give you a detailed one: no. i dont care about him, i dont care about what happens to him or anything of that sort. whatever happens in his life has absolutely nothing to do with me, and ive started to live my life thinking he was never there in the first place. but, id be lying if i said he means nothing to me, and if you are planning to tell him what im saying here, tell him to not interact with me in any way for at least the next year while youre at it. thank you

not sharing to him what u said

this is between me and you

i’m breaking up with him

and he’s said concerning things about his own safety

i can’t do a lot myself

why

its

a whole

essay of reasons

i can read essays

do you want to know for the tea or to help him

what if i said both

he needs support in his life

i know

i know this is

like bullshit for you

but you’re his brother

what do you mean

and you guys are under horrible terms

but even though i’m leaving i still care about his safety and wellbeing

do not

let him kill himself

see i could easily tell you "i dont give a shit and if you care so much then deal with it and cope" which would be interesting as i dont want to deal with any of this but on the other hand i could be a better person and do something about his health and safety

yeah that’s entirely fair

and

i couldn’t blame you for saying the first

but thats funny because he told me that he has things to live for

how would i be able to help

he need more relationships

close ones

youre wrong

he needs people he can trust and confide in

yes

youre welcome

not a lunch table friend

yes

and how am i supposed to help with that

it’s

a big ask

be that person

i’m a single child

i’m talking out of my ass

but what siblings do

i dont know if i have the capability of doing so

that’s

fair

when will you break up with him

i did

and he’s still texting me

and i’m mult tasking

how about this

do you know when he will start to attempt? do you even know if he will attempt?

19th birthday

his mental health is in the gutter

i cant fix that

you’re not supposed to

nothing can

i don’t know what can give him the realization he needs

a friend

yeah

for sure

i dont know if its different for our age differences

but i got a friend who told me a whole bunch of shit

and im still alive i guess

trying to help him

destroys my own mental health

yea

it’s not fair for me to put it on to you

it isnt

honestly i dont think youre talking to the right person

i know but

who else can i talk to

do you know anyone else hes friends with

i’m not familiar with his friends

and

i don’t think they’re even on

that level of closeness

then you could count me as the furthest

you’re right

okay

thanks a lot for hearing me out

im not heartless

if it ever comes to it ill do what i can

thank you

i mean it

but i want to make one thing clear

if he does end up killing himself it isnt any of my fault that i "couldnt stop him"

i’d never blame you

alright

thanks for sharing this information with me

don’t use it against him or anything

like revenge plots and stuff

i wouldnt do that much less talk to him at all

okay

thanks again

Chapter 35: e

Summary:

so..

Notes:

WARNING of
- mention of suicide

Chapter Text

actually, i originally wanted the plot of this arc to have sae kill himself and it would be a ryurin bond moment but ill leave it here as an open ending for you to interpret yourself. i was also thinking about just archiving this, but i wanted to post everything i had done before archiving. and again, thank you to everyone whos supported me throughout this little journey. i feel like, my better ending chapter wouldve been the last one i posted for END CREDITS, so if you havent read that and skipped it, nows the time to read it! this is my farewell.

- Acya

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Comments

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Ze_glorious_one on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Mar 2024 07:48PM UTC

I also speak French and I'm currently learning German

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 1 Wed 06 Mar 2024 09:27PM UTC
  
  nicee! hope thats going well for you <3
  
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Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Thu 07 Mar 2024 04:16AM UTC

AYYYEEE ACCURATE LANGUAGE FOR CERTAIN CHARCTER DEDICATION THAT WHAT WE LIKE TO SEE!!!

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 1 Thu 07 Mar 2024 05:32AM UTC
  
  THANK YOU I SPENT A LOT OF TIME DEBATING TO MYSELF WHETHER I SHOULD HAVE NESS SPEAK FLUENT JAPANESE OR NOT LOL
  
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dragonfruit_mango on Chapter 2 Wed 06 Mar 2024 11:08PM UTC

LMFAOOOO I LOVVE RYUSAE

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Mar 2024 12:09AM UTC
  
  OMG STOP YOURE KEIKO?? IVE READ YOUR "THE UNLOCKED LOCK IS BLUE" AND I LOVE IT SMM IM SO GLAD YOU FOUND THIS FIC
  
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2. 1. dragonfruit_mango on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Mar 2024 12:18AM UTC
    
    HELP I DID NOT EXPECT THISSS
    THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH I LOVE UR FIC TOO UR WRITING IS SO GOOD!!!
    :3 <33
    
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  2. 1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Mar 2024 02:47AM UTC
      
      AAAAA TYTYYY <3
      
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  3. dragonfruit_mango on Chapter 2 Sun 23 Mar 2025 03:47PM UTC
    
    HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ARE YOU STILL ALIVE
    
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Account Deleted on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Mar 2024 04:18AM UTC

Rin and isagi are already done with life

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Mar 2024 05:31AM UTC
  
  YES LMAOOO
  
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E_Menace on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Mar 2024 05:48AM UTC

Lmao imagine having a roommate who wanna f ur brother couldn’t be me fr

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 2 Sat 09 Mar 2024 08:24AM UTC
  
  DAMN FR I FEEL FOR RIN😭🙏
  
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SJ (Guest) on Chapter 3 Fri 08 Mar 2024 02:58AM UTC

how does isagi know my husband loki but not my baby daddy sae 😭😭

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 3 Fri 08 Mar 2024 06:49AM UTC
  
  cause isagi isnt good enough (i live for isagi slander)😭
  
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Account Deleted on Chapter 3 Fri 08 Mar 2024 04:27AM UTC

Isagi’s quote of the year “I don’t hate white people I just hate Kaiser and Ness.”

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 3 Fri 08 Mar 2024 06:49AM UTC
  
  FRFRR
  
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lynn (Guest) on Chapter 3 Mon 18 Mar 2024 11:06AM UTC

its the time of the decade... 18th of march and only one out of 10 chapters have been released im so fucking happy about this :33

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 3 Mon 18 Mar 2024 01:21PM UTC
  
  IM SORRY I CALCULATED THE WRONG DATE I HAD TO TAKE 36 HOURS OUT OF MY WRITING TIME FOR MY PLANE TRAVELLING 😭😭😭
  
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Fyozai_Shipper on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 12:45AM UTC

Omg that escalated quickly. That's a whole lot of trauma dump from Rin:((
Thank god for Bachira fr
I liked the chapter
Bachirin is in my fav ships
I'm loving the build up

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 12:49AM UTC
  
  aaaaa yea it did escalate 😭
  
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Raijin_no_Tenshi on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 05:31AM UTC

Oh my god, that took a directionI was not expecting.
First of all, Bachira, you absolute Chad! Total bbg! Bachira W!
Secondly. Rin. Go to therapy, idiot. You wanna live, then try, suicide don't fix nothing.

Last Edited Tue 19 Mar 2024 05:31AM UTC

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 06:13AM UTC
  
  bachira W for reallll
  
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mrsitoshi on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 06:29AM UTC

oh em gee
//character study//
rins trauma is making my heart break stop
poor bachira, hes being a good friend but thats a lot to take in and helping rin through it could also take a toll on his mental health

sae, sae is giving me bipolar (from someone who has bipolar). he also has violence tendencies as a child to harm people he think 'have more then him' in this case — rin as he 'had' more of their parents love.
sae actually needs mental help and so does rin. i think the fact they're so close in age also does add to this, saes 18 (?) and rins 16 so basically sae had 2 years by himself before rin was born and obviously the parents are going to pay more attention to the newborn then the toddler. sae probably grew up resenting rin as he was used to all his parents attention being on him — his whole life (2yrs) and it got taken away so abruptly(?) okay thats it for saee
their parents are a whole another story but the big take away from this chapter is the itoshi need therapy and a exorcism !

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 06:33AM UTC
  
  spoilers mentioned in this reply!!
  it will be mentioned in later chapters what specific mental disorders sae has (and chigiri)!! but you are pretty on track with that and good at analyzing what i try to convey through simple text messages! <3 #giveitoshibrotherstherapy
  
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2. 1. mrsitoshi on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 06:38AM UTC
    
    oooo i cannot wait, i knew chigiri had something no rational person would do allat. also the analyzing is because i'm a bit too into psychology . your books really good and well written by the way ! <3
    
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  2. 1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 06:42AM UTC
      
      thank youuu!! im also studying psychology rn lmaoo
      
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Miru_ruki on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 07:31AM UTC

Noooo poor rin..:<< but at the same time I care for bachirin more than rin...um I'm a monster too..

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Tue 19 Mar 2024 11:51AM UTC
  
  #justiceforrin 🗣️😭🙏
  
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Buttonface (Guest) on Chapter 9 Thu 21 Mar 2024 03:52AM UTC

Wait I'm going to rant about this chapter but I'm like fucking dreaming but also waking up cuz I'm so tired.. I FUCKING LOVE THIS CHATFIC DAMMIT [sobs]
Uh can someone reply to this comment tomorrow so I can rant properly
Thank yew!!! 😛

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Fri 22 Mar 2024 03:47AM UTC
  
  hiiiii its the next day 😖
  
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2. 1. Buttonface (Guest) on Chapter 9 Fri 22 Mar 2024 04:49AM UTC
    
    OKOKOK
    SO SO SO SO!!
    So much to like TAKE INN
    OKAY SO now knowing a little about Rin kind of makes me understand like everything. I still don't think Chigiri is wrong... But now I think Rin and Bachira are not wrong now. Well mostly rin but.. yeah
    Sae.. Sae, Sae, Sae.. Oh boy so right now I don't know how Rin feels about Sae because he is giving mixed signals. He says Sae is the reason of why he is kind of like this but he also is saying he knows Sae is mentally Ill. Like Sae not getting attention so he like attacks rin. It's not okay for sae to be hitting on rin but also I feel like communication would've solved this (that's why he was pressing chigiri). I don't know if Rin hates or likes Sae (I say like because idek if he loves him lmao). It's like he understands him but doesn't.. I feel like I'm trying to explain a dream to someone idk how to put it in words loll.
    Okay so let actually talk about Sae attacking rin. I could understand why Sae would do something to rin to get attention or always take the parents side. Sae probably felt really alone because he felt like parents didn't love him. Rin also felt alone even though he was getting 'all the attention'. So that says something about the parents. Sae could have handled the situation better by not hitting/not defending his brother. Also the scene where Sae shoves a snow ball in Rins face was kind of funny to me.. It's something I would do to my sibling and then get my ass beat [sobs]. Anyways I feel like rin isn't doing the advice he is giving by nor opening up to anyone and by opening up I mean letting people talk to him or interact with him. He always shuts them down because his own people shut him down. Rin needs to let people in and get uncomfortable. I'm glad bachibee was there to handle the situation with rin.
    Okay NEXTT
    Rin is actually kind of rude to people but gets angry/annoyed kinda of easily. My example is hiori getting mad at him. I feel like he feels he always needs to get the last word in. I think he should just stop before things escalate. Also breath and think before he speaks.
    Umm so everything I wanted to rant about is out order/messy so if there is spelling errors sorry lol
    I feel bad for rin nowww ughhh.
    I also don't see how Chigiri is wrong no matter how hard I think about it. Chigiri was just panicking and shutting down the entire time.
    So yeah that's all :)
    
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  2. 1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Fri 22 Mar 2024 04:54AM UTC
      
      omg the part where sae shoves snow on rins face LMFAOOO 😭😭😭 ;; anyway i like your point of view about how chigiri isnt fully in the wrong in the situation but maybe its my writings problem because i was attempting to portray that every single person involved has a fault in the situation but if its not clear then ill change it (thanks for commenting your thoughts!!) <33
      
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icelyn<3 (Guest) on Chapter 9 Sun 07 Apr 2024 09:11PM UTC

ok omg WHAY I WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT EXPECTING THIS AT ALL THAT IS SHOCKING I AM LITERALLY SHITTING TEARS RN (i think theres some anger issue type shit going on in the itoshi family idrk tho)
im gonna create a real ao3 account and comment more URGHH

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 9 Mon 08 Apr 2024 01:56AM UTC
  
  yess create an ao3 account so real #itoshibrothershaveangerissues
  
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lalarvae on Chapter 9 Sat 30 Nov 2024 03:57PM UTC

stop i feel so bad for shitting on rin earlier😭😭😭😭 poor bby someone get him that therapy fr

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Miraiesx on Chapter 5 Tue 12 Mar 2024 08:39AM UTC

thank you for the update <3

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 5 Tue 12 Mar 2024 09:23AM UTC
  
  NPNP THANK YOU FOR READING OMG <333
  
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pineapple:3 (Guest) on Chapter 5 Mon 17 Mar 2025 04:16PM UTC

Karasu and Otoya: *being gay asf but saying they're just 'besties'*
Reo and Nagi: *also being gay asf but saying they're just 'besties'*
Isagi fr: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
this chapter made me snort lmao :3

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shu (Guest) on Chapter 23 Sat 11 May 2024 02:50AM UTC

damn they all really do have mental issues 😔

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 23 Fri 17 May 2024 06:39PM UTC
  
  yup 3
  
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Account Deleted on Chapter 23 Sat 11 May 2024 03:51AM UTC

Holy hell all of them have mental issues and all of them are connected with these mental issues 😭😭😭 their such a mess

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 23 Fri 17 May 2024 06:39PM UTC
  
  everyones connected in some way 😖
  
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celvacre on Chapter 23 Sat 11 May 2024 07:22AM UTC

this is icelyn(guest) i finally got an account 💀
ANYWAY ENOUGH ABOUT ME BUT OMGGGG I WANNA GIVE KAISER A BIG HUG RN 😭

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1. acya4you (orphan_account) on Chapter 23 Fri 17 May 2024 06:40PM UTC
  
  he really needs one😔
  
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