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2024-03-10
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Lilith Starts A Cult

Summary:

Eda wakes up one day to find that her estranged sister, the Head Witch of the Emperor's Coven, has spontaneously decided to quit her job and throw herself upon Eda's mercy.

She's not drunk enough to deal with this.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Eda was dozing peacefully.

 

Until an ear-piercing cry of "EEEDAAA!!" broke through the morning.

 

Then she wasn't.

 

"Titan dang it, Hooty," Eda grumbled to herself, rubbing her throbbing head as she sat up.  "I've told you before not to wake me up like that after a night of drinking."

 

She hauled herself out of bed with great difficulty and stumbled over to the window to see what all the fuss was about.

 

Lilith was at the front door.

 

Well that wasn't so-

 

Wait a minute.

 

Lilith was at the front door.

 

What was Lilith doing at the front door?

 

Eda rushed into Luz's room the closet Luz had been sleeping in as quickly as she could and grabbed the awake-but-still-groggy teen by the shoulders.  "Luz, what did I do last night?"

 

"Huh?" Luz asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

 

"You said you'd watch over me while I was trashed," Eda said frantically.  "Did I rob the Emperor's Castle?  Did I do anything that might explain why my sister, the Head Witch of the Emperor's Coven, is knocking on our door right now?"

 

"Um, no," Luz answered.  "You sat on the roof and cried for a long time about how 'the rain is gone,' or something like that, and then you threw up and fell asleep and I had to drag you inside and put you in bed."

 

Eda nodded seriously.  "Okay.  Okay.  Thanks, kid."  She straightened up and ran back to her room.  "Magic staff, magic staff..." she said, looking around.  "Ah!  There you are!" she grabbed Owlbert's staff and went downstairs to finally answer the door, falling down twice along the way.

 

"Lily," she greeted upon opening the door.  She tried to sound casual but it was still pretty early for acting.

 

Lilith nodded her head in that polite way she liked to do.  "Edalyn," she replied.

 

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this surprise visit at-" she looked at her wrist, but there was no watch there.  "Whatever-time-it-is in the morning?"

 

Lilith held out her staff in a please-take-this sort of way, and Eda instinctively accepted it with her other hand.  Then she lowered herself to one knee and bowed her head.  "I've come to surrender."

 

Eda blinked.  She blinked again.  "You what?"

Notes:

This story begins on the day upon which "Once Upon A Swap" would have happened if Eda and co. weren't suddenly too busy to have a body-swap adventure. You're welcome.

Chapter 2

Summary:

Lilith explains herself by giving Eda more questions to ask.

Chapter Text

"I surrender," Lilith repeated, in a calm tone not at all associated with surrendering.

 

Eda, mired in confusion, set both of the staves she was holding aside so she could grab her sister by the upper arms and pull her back up into a standing position.  "What do you mean you surrender?"

 

"I mean I am putting an end to my attempts to arrest you or induct you into a coven and am instead submitting myself to your authority," Lilith answered plainly.  "I'm capitulating.  Conceding.  Relenting.  Laying down my arms and raising the white flag.  Et cetera."

 

Eda just stared at her, utterly bewildered.

 

"Perhaps it would be better for me to explain this while we're sitting down.  May I come in?" Lilith asked.

 

Eda narrowed her eyes.  "Wait a minute, is this some kind of trick to get me to let my guard down?"

 

Lilith didn't react to the accusation.  "I already gave you my staff to show my lack of harmful intent.  But I understand why you're still suspicious, Edalyn.  If it would make you feel better, you can tie me up and have Hooty watch for coven scouts or any other agents of the Emperor while we talk."

 

Hooty held his face close to Eda's ear and whispered loudly, "She knows my name.  Have you been talking to her about me?"  For some inexplicable reason, this made Lilith smile.

 

Eda shook herself.  "Alright, fine.  Come in.  Hooty, watch for enemies.  Don't let anyone get close to the house until I say otherwise."

 

"Can do!" the house demon hooted, as Eda let Lilith inside and shut the door.

 

"Sit down on the couch," Eda directed.  Lilith did so, and Eda made a spell circle to summon magic ropes that bound her arms to her body, followed by another that linked her ankle to the leg of the couch by a chain.

 

"Now just stay there for a minute until I'm ready to talk to you.  I'll get the kid to keep an eye on you.  LUZ!" she yelled.

 

"I'm right here," Luz answered from behind her, making her jump in surprise.

 

"Okay," Eda said, once she'd recovered from being startled.  "You watch Lilith."  Luz saluted.  "I need some apple blood in my system before I can deal with this any further," she added, starting to make her way towards the kitchen.

 

"You know that's not going to make your hangover any better," Lilith pointed out.

 

"Shut up, Lily!  Titan, you sound just like Mom.  Anyway, I have the soft stuff too."

 

One cup of soft apple blood later...

 

"Alright," Eda said as she reentered the living room.  "That's a little better."

 

"...so she wasn't actually talking about the rain, she was talking about her True Love?" Luz was saying.

 

"That's right," Lilith confirmed.

 

"What are you two-" Eda was cut off by Luz running up to her and hugging her tightly.

 

"Lilith explained what you were actually sad about last night," Luz said.  "Eda, I'm so sorry!  I knew you had a mysterious past you didn't want to talk about, but I didn't know it was tragic!"

 

"I- you- what?" Eda asked intelligently.

 

"I told her about Raine," Lilith supplied.

 

"You WHAT?!" Eda shouted.

 

"She asked, I just answered."

 

"Lilith, what happened between me and Raine is nobody's business but mine and theirs!  It's not Luz's business, and it's not yours!"

 

"It sure felt like my business when I got a drunken crow call in the middle of the night about how Raine had dumped you," Lilith retorted.

 

Luz made a sad whimpering noise.

 

"No," Eda said firmly, pushing Luz off of her.  "No, no, no.  We are not having this conversation right now.  Lily, what's going on with you?"

 

"I left the Emperor's Coven to live as a wild witch and I was hoping you'd let me move into the Owl House," Lilith answered.

 

Eda gaped.

 

"Woah," Luz commented.  "That's a big turnaround from the last time I saw you."

 

"I have been made aware that Emperor Belos has been lying about some very important things," Lilith explained.  "He can't speak to the Titan.  His plans for the Day of Unity are not going to be in any way beneficial for the Isles.  And he has neither the ability nor the intention to heal your curse."

 

"I could have told you all of that," Eda said.  "I have told you all of that!"

 

Lilith lowered her head.  "Yes, I'm sorry, Edalyn.  I should have believed you.  You were right all along, and I wasted thirty years of my life serving a con artist and a bully because I couldn't see that."

 

Eda's ears drooped slightly, and she sat down on the couch next to Lilith.  She lifted her left hand and hesitated, before drawing a spell circle that made Lilith's bindings disappear.  Then she pulled her sister into a hug.

 

"It's okay, Lily.  It doesn't matter how long it took you to see sense, I'm just glad you did.  We have room in this house for one more weirdo."

 

"Thank you, Edalyn."

 

Luz made another noise that indicted she was enjoying this display of sibling bonding.  Eda ignored her.

 

It was then that the Owl House's final weirdo made his presence known.

 

"How can the KING OF DEMONS be expected to sleep through all of this noise?!"

 

Lilith stood up, removing herself from Eda's arms, moved around the side of the couch, and made the lowest bow Eda had ever seen towards King.

 

"My apologies for disturbing you, Your Majesty," Lilith said.

 

"...The King of Demons forgives you," King replied, surprised and gratified by the reverent response.

 

"Uh, Lily," Eda put in.  "You know he's not really the king of anything, right?  I mean, aside from Luz's heart?"

 

"I am too!"

 

"Perhaps not yet, Edalyn," Lilith said, rising to her knees.  "But it's only a matter of time.  After all, he is the only living Titan left in existence."

 

Eda's brain promptly stopped working.

 

"WHAT?!?!"

Chapter 3

Summary:

Lilith scams Eda out of half of her curse.

Chapter Text

Luz was the first to recover from her shock.  "Uh, when you say Titan you don't mean the same kind of creature whose bones the isles are made of, right?"

 

Lilith nodded primly as she stood up.  "That's precisely what I mean."

 

"You think I'm the same species as the Titan?" King repeated skeptically.  "Lady, I used to be big, but not that big."

 

"Titans aren't born the size of continents," Lilith explained.  "They grow, like any other creature.  Their babies start life even smaller than your current size.  No disrespect intended, of course, My Lord."

 

King narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  "Where exactly are you getting this information?"

 

"It was revealed to me in a dream the night before last," Lilith answered promptly.  "Along with a great many other secrets that I am not at liberty to share just yet.  I believe that I was contacted by a divine being -- most likely the previous Titan, the one on whose corpse we live, whom I believe to be your father, O Great One."

 

"Did you, ah, eat anything strange before going to sleep that night?" Luz asked.

 

"I hardly see how that's relevant."

 

Eda sighed heavily.  "Oh, Lily.  The Coven finally broke your brain, huh?"  She didn't sound like she was kidding.

 

Lilith hesitated.  "I suppose I cannot entirely discount the possibility.  The Emperor's Coven has broken stronger things than me.  But I don't think so.  I believe that my dream was a genuine religious vision, and that the things I learned in it are true.  That's why I have abandoned Emperor Belos's cult of lies to instead devote my service to an actual living Titan."  She bowed to King again, just a quick bend-at-the-waist one this time.

 

"And," she continued, turning back towards Eda.  "Equally importantly, to mend some of my many, many past mistakes, particularly those which created a rift between me and the people I love most."  She leaned her forehead against Eda's.  "With this spell declared, let the pain be shared."

 

There was a big flash of light, after which Lilith sat down heavily on the couch nursing her head, while Eda looked like she'd had a burden lifted off of her.

 

"Ahh," she sighed in relief, touching a hand to her head.  "That's a lot better.  Thanks, Lily.  Hmm, not just the hangover either," she mused.  "My whole body feels better.  Did I have some kind of-" she broke off and her eyes widened.  "Wait.  No.  Wait.  What?  No."  She looked to Lilith.

 

Lilith raised her head and ran a hand through her hair, which now had a grey streak in it.  She came away holding a feather.  She tugged experimentally on her right hand, and it came disconnected from her arm with a pop!  Then she placed it back and flexed her fingers like nothing had happened.  "Yes," she said mildly.

 

Eda grabbed Lilith by the shoulders and frantically pulled her to her feet.  "Lily, was that your plan the whole time?"  Lilith nodded.  "WHY THE FFFFREAKING CRAP WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

 

"Because you deserve better, Edalyn," the newly-cursed witch responded.  "I'm only sorry I didn't do it thirty years ago."

 

"What happened?" Luz asked in confusion.

 

"This dingbat just took half of my curse onto herself!" Eda answered.

 

"What?!" Luz and King cried in unison.

Chapter 4

Summary:

One hour earlier...

Chapter Text

One hour earlier...

 

Raine Whispers awoke to find a note on their desk from an old friend.

 

Soon-to-be-Head-Witch Raine Whispers, the note began.  This is Lilith Clawthorne.

 

I have uncovered some disturbing information that I must share with you.

 

Emperor Belos cannot speak to the Titan.  I know you've already suspected that for some time, but the Titan has spoken to me and confirmed it.

 

Our esteemed Emperor has not only been lying to us, he has been secretly conspiring with an obscure god-thing called the Collector.  He intends to use a Draining Spell to kill as many witches as possible through their Coven sigils.  That's the true purpose of the upcoming Day of Unity.  Also the true purpose of Coven sigils, and of the entire Coven system.  Eda was right.

 

We have to find a way to stop him.

 

In case you doubt that this note is really written by me, in case you think this is a prank of some kind:  six years ago I helped you fake the death of your Palisman, Fiddlesticks, in order to protect him from Emperor Belos.  Now he hides in plain sight as your bow.  I know you've never told anyone else about that, not even the apprentices whom you've involved in your clandestine BATTs activities, and I swear I haven't either.  It's really me, Raine, and I am deadly serious.

 

I am leaving the Emperor's Coven and moving in with Eda, whom I believe will have an essential role to play in helping us stop Belos.

 

I have also learned of the existence of a baby Titan, to whom I intend to offer my service.  I believe that he will make a highly effective figurehead and that he'll be instrumental in turning the public will against the Emperor.

 

For now, be careful to keep your operations under wraps.  DO NOT SPREAD ANY OF THIS INFORMATION AROUND YET!  I will find a way to contact you again if and when the situation changes.

 

I have left similar messages with Head Witches Darius Demonne and Eberwolf the Huntsman, as well as an Emperor's Coven scout named Steve Tholomule.  They can be trusted.

 

To whatever degree you are able, be kind to the Golden Guard.  Despite his blind loyalty to Belos, he's a good boy and may eventually become a critical ally.  Don't antagonize him if you can avoid it.

 

If you happen to interact with anyone, young or old, who hasn't yet joined a Coven, try to subtly urge them to remain Covenless for the time being.  It may save their lives.

 

Best of luck,

 

Lilith

 

P.s.  Eda still loves you.  If you ever want to give her another chance, I don't think she'll push you away this time.

 

Raine scratched their head.  "What?" they said to themself in overwhelmed bewilderment.

Chapter 5

Notes:

Starting now I'm tagging this fic as Slow Burn, because it's become clear to me that we won't get to the actual formation of the cult for a long time. I'm hoping that you'll forgive my slowness as long as I can at least give you a decent chuckle or make you smile with each chapter.

Chapter Text

Eda pushed Lilith back onto the couch and ran into the next room, muttering incoherently.

 

"Hey, so..." Luz began.  Lilith looked at her expectantly, still rubbing absentmindedly at her newly-acquired headache.  "What does Eda mean you took half of her curse?"

 

"It means-" Lilith was interrupted by a clattering noise from whatever-the-heck Eda was doing in the other room, so she raised her voice to be heard over it.  "It means that I've set back her curse's progression and reduced most of her symptoms by cursing myself with the same affliction.  She shouldn't need to take quite as much elixir to prevent the Owl Beast from coming out now as she did before, and it'll take longer before the curse drains all of her magic."

 

Luz gasped.  She was doing a lot of that today.  "The curse drains her magic?!"

 

Lilith squinted at her.  "Eda hasn't told you yet?"

 

"She didn't even tell us she had a curse until we'd already pretty much figured it out for ourselves," King put in.  "I've lived with her for eight years, and I didn't find out until a couple of weeks ago."

 

Lilith sighed in exasperation.  "Edalyn.  Anyway, yes.  Eventually, unless she can find a better way to manage it, the Owl Beast will drain all of her magic and take over her body.  Fortunately, I've bought her some time, and I intend to help her find a better way to manage it before things get to that point."

 

"Especially since now that'll happen to you too?" Luz asked.

 

"That is a consideration, yes," Lilith acknowledged.

 

"Luz!" Eda called out.  "Can you come over here?!"  Luz followed the sound of her mentor's voice.

 

King then climbed up onto the couch next to Lilith.  "Enough about Eda.  You said something about devoting yourself to serving me?"

 

"Yes, Your Highness," Lilith said.  She stood up from the couch so she could kneel on the floor before him again.  "I believe that you are the god destined to command the future of our world, and I will do whatever I can to see that Belos falls so that you can take your rightful place as ruler of the Boiling Isles.  I am your humble servant."

 

"So you'll do anything I tell you to?"

 

"Nearly," Lilith answered.  "I may disobey specific orders if I feel that they would endanger you or your aspirations to rule.  And I ask that you not require me to harm any of my loved ones."

 

King nodded.  "That's fair."

 

"Also," Lilith went on.  "I'll need the day off tomorrow, so that I can make some arrangements."

 

"What arrangements?" King asked.

 

Lilith looked around, then whispered several somethings into King's ear.  When she finished, King chuckled.  "That could be funny," he said.  "Okay.  You can have tomorrow off."

 

"Thank you, My King."

 

"Now," King said.  "I trust you brought offerings to gain my favor?"  He was going to milk this opportunity for all it was worth, at least until she found out that he wasn't really a god.

 

Lilith blinked.  "Uh... yes!"  She made a spell circle to summon her suitcase-of-holding, then opened it up and began rummaging around in it for something she could present to King as a gift.  Eventually she came up with a taxidermy chupecabra, a fancy brimstone-scented candle in the shape of a triclops skull, and a carton of Boo-berry ice scream.

 

"I'll also get you a crown, if you like, Sire" Lilith said.  "I just haven't had the chance yet."

 

"Works for me!" King replied happily.  He placed one paw on top of Lilith's head.  "You are officially welcomed into my service.  You'll be fourth-in-command of my minions."

 

Lilith tilted her head.  "Fourth?"

 

"Francois is my second-in-command," King said, holding the stuffed rabbit up.  "And Luz is third."  Then he paused, as something occurred to him.  "Actually, you'll be fifth-in-command.  Hooty is fourth."

 

"Ah," Lilith nodded.  "It's an honor, O Master of All," she said, bowing her head.  "I'm not worthy to serve you in such capacity."

 

"True," King admitted.  "But I kind of have a shortage of minions at the moment.  Most of my current followers are stuffed animals or action figures."  He opened up the carton of ice scream and helped himself.

 

"You may rise," King added magnanimously, and Lilith stood up.  It was nice to finally have someone revere him like this, he reflected.  He was tired of the way that most people treated him like a baby.

 

Eda then rushed back into the room with Luz in tow.  She was noticeably more feathery than she'd been a few minutes ago.  "Okay," she said.  "I did a quick inventory check of my stash of elixirs and medical supplies.  I should have enough to last both of us through the week, but we'll need to get more not long after that.  Here."  She tossed one elixir to Lilith, who caught it in her hands.  "Drink up."

 

Lilith snorted.  "Now who's acting like Mom?"

 

Eda rolled her eyes.

 

"Are you sure I need to drink the whole thing?" Lilith asked.  "I only have half a curse."

 

"Don't know, but I'm not interested in risking it today," Eda replied.

 

Lilith shrugged and drained the elixir.  "Bleh," she said, as she wiped her mouth.  "That really does taste awful.  Have you had yours this morning?"

 

Eda froze.  "No, I forgot in all the commotion."  She grabbed another elixir and drank it down.  "Bleh."

 

Just then, Lilith's suitcase rumbled and shook, as if there was a living creature trapped in it.

 

"What's in there?" Eda asked suspiciously.

 

"Oh, just most of my belongings," Lilith answered evasively.  "Nothing you need to worry about."

 

"...Right," Eda said.  "Anyway, we're gonna need to go down to the market ASAP so I can get some of my human junk sold today.  We'll need the money."

 

"Oh!" Lilith said.  "That's right."  She reached back into her suitcase-of-holding.  "While I was putting my affairs in order yesterday, I withdrew all of my savings so they couldn't be seized by the Emperor.  So I should actually have the money situation covered for a while."  She pulled out a sack and dumped a huge pile of coins onto the floor.  "This is everything I've saved up during my career in the Emperor's Coven.  It should be a little over half a million snails."

 

Eda, King, and Luz all stared at Lilith in open-mouthed shock.

 

"What?" Lilith asked defensively.

Chapter 6

Summary:

I think this is the shortest chapter yet.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Hooray!" King cheered, leaping into the pile of snails.  "We're rich!"

 

Eda ignored him.  "How in the heck do you have that much money just sitting around?"

 

"It's called 'saving for the future,'" Lilith replied condescendingly.  "You may recall that our parents taught us to do it."

 

"Don't give me that crap!" Eda demanded, as King played in the coin heap.  "You know what I mean!"

 

"Being in the Emperor's Coven means high pay and few expenses," Lilith explained.  "All members are provided free room and board by the state.  As Head Witch of the Coven, my salary was one of the highest in the Boiling Isles.  I could have saved even more if I hadn't always been spending so much on curse research and hair-straightening in my spare time.  Or if I'd been brave and unscrupulous enough to abuse my position to make extra money on the side, like a lot of my colleagues did."

 

"You've only been Head Witch for a few years," Eda reminded her.  "For a long time you were just a regular scout, and I have it on good authority that they are sorely underpaid."

 

"That's just their base pay, Edalyn.  Each scout also gets an end-of-the-year bonus determined by the results they've brought in.  And, well..." Lilith preened a little.  "Let's just say my bonuses were always sizeable, even at the start of my career."

 

Eda looked away and clenched her fist.  "That son of a biscuit scammed me," she growled.

 

"Who did?" Luz asked, looking up at her eagerly.

 

Eda shook her head.  "Nobody.  Never mind."

 

King popped his head up.  "Hey Eda!  Since you don't need to sell any human junk today, let's all go out for ice scream!"

 

"You just had ice scream," Eda said flatly, pointing to the empty carton King had left on the couch.  Lilith picked it up and started looking for a trash can in which to dispose of it.

 

"So?" King asked.

 

Eda considered that.  "Good point," she decided.  "Just leave it, Lily, we can tidy up later.  Let's go."

 

"Do you think ice scream is safe for me to eat?" Luz asked.

 

Eda shrugged.  "Only one way to find out."

 

"Weh!" King wehed, holding his arms up at Lilith.  Lilith obediently picked him up and set him on her shoulders.

 

"It will be nice to spend some time with my niece and nephew," Lilith remarked.

 

Three heads swiveled to look at her.  "Wait, what?!"

Notes:

Attention to any American readers over the age of 18:

Do you like living in a democracy? Do you like being able to turn on your television and get news and weather updates for free? Do you think women and trans people should have rights? Do you think the government should do literally anything about climate change? Do you believe that having an educated populace is a good thing? Do you believe that rich people should be subject to the same laws as everyone else?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then make sure you remember to VOTE FOR KAMALA HARRIS IN NOVEMBER!!! Vote like your life depends on it, because it just might!!

Chapter 7

Notes:

If nobody in the comments gets the old reference I put in this chapter, I will be very sad. This is a threat.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"What do you mean, niece and nephew?" Luz asked.

 

"Well," Lilith answered.  "Because Eda is essentially your and King's mom."  She gestured for the group to continue walking, and they did.

 

"I'm nobody's mama!" Eda declared.  "I got no family.  I'm a career witch, and my career is all about me!"

 

Lilith raised an eyebrow.  "That would be your career as a garbage merchant, yes?  Ah, right, I remember how as a child you always dreamed of living on the outskirts of society and selling trash, how could I have forgotten?"

 

Eda scowled at her.  "I meant my career as the most powerful witch on the isles."

 

"Eda's not my mom," Luz said.  "I already have a mom back in my world.  I'm only staying here for the summer."

 

"Not officially, of course. But are you saying that you've never once felt as though the Boiling Isles was your home?" Lilith checked.  "And you've never once thought about Eda as a mother-figure?"

 

Luz opened her mouth, then hesitated.

 

Lilith nodded.  "That's what I thought."  Luz looked down, embarrassed.

 

"Well Eda isn't my mom!" King insisted loudly, right in Lilith's ear.  "Because I'm not a kid!  We're just roommates."

 

Lilith winced.  "Forgive me, Your Highness, but yes, you are.  You may have once been gigantic and ruled over all demonkind with an iron fist, but I'm afraid that in this form, for all intents and purposes, you are a child.  After all, are your memories of your first few years with Eda not vague and fuzzy?  And have you not been growing all this time?  It seems to me that whatever spell or curse befell you made you revert to infancy, from which you are slowly growing back into your past greatness.  Therefore Eda, the adult woman who has provided you with shelter and food for the past eight years, is your foster mother."

 

"Okay," Eda said in irritation.  "So maybe when I first met King he was smaller and dumber than he is now."

 

"Hey!"

 

"But that doesn't mean he was a baby," Eda finished.  "If he were, that would mean..."  She shook her head.  "He just wasn't!"

 

Lilith shrugged carelessly.  "Alright.  My mistake."

 

They continued on to the ice scream place, with Luz, Eda, and King all trying not to think about the revelations that Lilith had just dropped in regard to the nature of their relationships.

Notes:

Sorry about the length, but short chapters are easier to churn out.

Also, I was sadly unable to end this chapter with a "what?" So I guess that's where that pattern ends.

Also, I wish there were more fics exploring the fact that Eda doesn't seem to have treated King as a child or considered him such prior to the show. She introduces him to Luz as her "roommate." I'd like to see some stories where King reflects on the transition between how Eda treated him in S1E1 and how she treats him in S2E19, and grapples with the realization that he's a child and always has been after considering himself an adult for as long as he can remember.

Chapter 8

Notes:

I'm really sorry about that five-and-a-half month break, guys. Something in my brain decided I couldn't update this until after I'd updated Tell Me About My Daughter, and that fic's giving me a lot of trouble. Fortunately, I finally realized there was nothing stopping me from writing a chapter of this much easier story in the meantime. It's not much, but it's something!

I WAS gonna do a bit here where I pretended to be devastated about nobody even trying to guess the reference I was so proud of last chapter, but with all of the awful things going on in the world making us angry and sad for real I don't think that would be funny right now. Here's what I was referencing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-Xah5kUwOM

Now with that out of the way, it's time for this fic's very first noticeable timeskip!

Chapter Text

When the Owl House's residents came home that evening, after a day of junk food and mindless fun, three of them very wisely decided that the only thing to do was to have MORE junk food and mindless fun.  So it was that Eda, Luz, and King spent most of the night watching MewTube videos on Luz's phone.

 

Lilith, meanwhile, took it upon herself to tidy up the mess that she and King had made in the technically-living room, only pausing now and again when King ordered her to fetch something for him.  (After all, leaving a gigantic pile of money fully exposed so close to the front entrance of your house is a huge tactical and financial liability.  You hide that shit under the floorboards.)

 

Once that task was done, Lilith did something that no one had ever done before.  She gathered up some brushes and chisels and old rags and sanding tools and a bucket full of soapy water, and ventured outside to voluntarily clean Hooty.

 

The job took several hours, and entailed much ecstatic hooting, and by the time Lilith wearily came back inside Luz and King had both retreated upstairs and gone to bed.  Only Eda remained, still perched on the couch with her feet up (and removed), nursing a mug of apple blood.

 

Lilith very carefully sat herself down on the small patch of room on the couch that Eda and Eda's feet had left vacant.

 

"You haven't drunk enough yet that you'll wake up with a hangover again tomorrow morning, have you?" Lilith asked.

 

Eda cast her a withering look.  "I was just about to thank you for doing my least-favorite household chore, and you have to go and say that.  No, I haven't.  What's it to you?"

 

Lilith looked down at her hands, folded in her lap.  "Sorry.  It's just- I want- um, I need to talk to you about something.  And... I want you to remember it in the morning."

 

Eda raised an eyebrow quizzically.  "Shoot."

 

"I know I've dropped a lot on you today," Lilith began self-consciously.  "What with me suddenly moving in, and having visions of the future, and bringing up King's Titanhood, and pointing out your being a mother-"

 

"Not a mother," Eda muttered.

 

"-but there's one more thing I have to tell you.  And I wanted to wait until the kids were in bed, because it's really more of a private, you-and-me thing."  Lilith screwed her eyes shut.  "Eda, I was the one who cursed you," she burst out, speaking with a nervous quickness.

 

Eda dropped her mug of apple blood.

 

 

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It took a while for Eda to process that.  Over thirty years of dealing with a feathery inner beast that wanted to take over her body, clawing out Dad's eye, driving Raine and nearly all of her other loved ones away, living alone for years in a dilapidated house with Hooty, scrounging and peddling literal garbage to survive... all because of Lily, her sister, the first friend she'd ever had.

 

She had questions, of course, and Lilith was honest with her answers.

 

Did you mean to?  Yes, kind of.  Lilith had gone to the Night Market, bought a curse scroll, and intentionally used it on Eda while she slept.  However, she'd had absolutely no idea of the scale of the consequences the act would have, because the seller had told her Eda would merely be incapacitated for a day.  She never would've done it if she'd known what would actually happen.

 

Why?  Because Lilith was a teenager.  She was jealous of her talented and popular younger sister and resentful that said sister felt the need to constantly break the rules and cheat at school and sports and stack a deck that was already massively in her favor.  She was also neglected by her parents, and frightened for her future in a corrupt and unjust system, and desperate to succeed and finally make someone proud of her (and just generally prone to catastrophizing).  She'd felt backed into a corner, convinced that her entire life was riding on the outcome of her duel with Eda and unable to even conceive of the idea that Eda would let her win, and her underdeveloped brain had taken all of that stress and made a very, very bad decision.

 

Afterwards?  As Lilith rose through the ranks of the Emperor's Coven, she used the resources she gained to learn everything there was to know about curses and their cures.  She tracked down the witch she'd bought that scroll from, and the guy he'd stolen it from, and the demon that guy had won it from in a game of Hexas Hold'em, until the trail went cold on a random beach near Latissa.  She'd curried favor with Flora D'splora and eventually with the Emperor, partly because power is an inherently attractive thing for ambitious and insecure people like Lily, but also partly because they'd seemed like the only people who might be able to find a cure for Eda.

 

Why didn't you ever tell me?  Shame, mostly.  That and fear of being disowned by the entire Clawthorne family, or straight-up killed by an enraged Eda.  Pathetic, but understandable.

 

By the end, Lilith was openly crying, while Eda remained surprisingly composed.

 

"I'm so sorry," Lilith wept, and Eda just nodded.

 

"I know, Lily, I know."

 

Strangely, while Eda was angry with her sister to a certain degree, the strongest thing she felt at the revelation was relief.  After all, years and years of wondering had finally come to an end.

 

There's no uber-powerful witch out there with a secret vendetta against me.  The Emperor doesn't have unheard-of curse-giving powers.  It's not a hereditary condition.  It's not part of any nefarious conspiracy, but it's not a totally-random freak accident either.

 

I have this curse because my sister is an idiot.

 

Eda could live with that.

 

...especially since it was something she'd be able to hold over Lily's head for the rest of their natural lives!

 

"Can I still stay here?" Lilith asked, drying the last of her tears.

 

The nasty part of Eda wanted to pretend to think about it for a minute, but she decided against it.  "You think I'm gonna deprive King of a perfectly good servant?" she snorted.  "Or Hooty of someone who can listen to him talk for more than three hours without going insane?  Get real."

 

Lilith smiled at her.  "Thank you, Edalyn."

 

In spite of everything, Eda grinned back at her.  "You may have been one heck of a boneheaded teen, but you're still my sister.  Nothing can change that."

 

She reached out with one hand and patted Lilith on the shoulder.  Then, with that same hand, she grabbed the collar of Lilith's shirt and pulled her closer.  "Now," she said, with her best evil smirk.  "Let's talk about your punishment."

 

The smile fell from Lilith's face as her eyes widened anxiously.  She gulped.  "W-what did you have in mind?"

Chapter 9

Notes:

Okay, now that the most emotional part of the story is over I'm trying to remind myself that this was supposed to be a crack fic.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Luz was the first one up the next morning, and she crawled out of her sleeping bag and stumbled downstairs and towards the kitchen in the hopes of finding a griffin egg she could fill her rumbling tummy with.

 

"Good morning," came a voice from behind her just as she rounded a corner.

 

"WHAAH!" Luz yelped in surprise, whirling around to see who had spoken.

 

There was Lilith, hanging from a hook on the wall by her underpants.

 

"Uhhhh..." Luz replied eloquently.  "Hi.  Um, have you been there all night?"

 

Lilith nodded, her smile just a bit too wide to be genuine.  "Yes," she said squeakily.  "This is my punishment for something awful I did to Eda when we were younger."

 

"Yeesh, what was it?" Luz asked.

 

Lilith shook her head.  "It's nothing you kids need to worry about.  It's just something for the two of us to settle between ourselves."

 

"Okay, well, uh, do you... need help getting down?"

 

Lilith shook her head again.  "I'm not supposed to get down until Eda wakes up and gives the okay."

 

Luz still couldn't shake off her concerned look.  "That- that looks like it really hurts."

 

"Trust me," Lilith assured her.  "I deserve a lot worse than this for what I did.  Besides, it's nothing I can't handle.  This isn't even the worst wedgie I've gotten from Eda.  It's fine."

 

Luz shrugged.  "If you say so."  She started to turn away, then stopped.  "Wait.  I've heard of older siblings doing stuff like this to younger siblings, to like, exert dominance or something.  Is that, is that actually true?"

 

"Actually," Lilith answered.  "I'm the older sibling."

 

Luz startled at that.  "Wait, really?"

 

"Yes," Lilith nodded.  "She just looks older than she is because of how the curse has affected her aging.  She's only forty-eight -- a year and a half younger than me."

 

"Huh.  Well I guess you're just a loser then."  Luz turned away to start digging through the fridge and finally getting her breakfast.

 

Lilith sighed.

 

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King was the next one to come downstairs, and he was briefly outraged when he saw Lilith's situation.  "What is this?!" he demanded.  "How are you supposed to do my bidding if you're just dangling there?"

 

"Actually, My Liege, today's my day off," Lilith reminded him.

 

"Oh, that's right," King realized.  "I guess it's fine then."  He waved her off and went to scavenge his own breakfast.

 

----------

 

Eventually Eda woke up and joined them.

 

"Good morning, Edalyn," Lilith greeted her.  "May I come down now?"

 

Eda ignored her all throughout breakfast.

 

"Eda?" Lilith tried again.  "Eda, I, I really do have important things I need to do today."

 

Eda ignored her as she went to take a bath.

 

"Eda!" Lilith painfully choked out through gritted teeth when Eda returned from her bath.  Feathers were sprouting all over her body.  "I need an elixir!  Quickly!  Please!"

 

"Alright, Lily, take it easy."  Eda tossed her an elixir, which she drank down in two seconds flat.  "Better?"

 

"Yes.  Now, please may I come down?"

 

Eda pretended to think about it for a minute.  "Eh, okay," she agreed, before finally letting her sister off the hook (literally).  "I guess you've suffered enough.  For now."

 

"Thank you," Lilith said in relief.  She rushed upstairs and barricaded herself in the guest room, where she spent an uncomfortable forty-five minutes extricating her underwear from her rear end.  Then she changed into fresh clothes, brushed her teeth and hair, fed the mysterious living creatures imprisoned in the depths of her suitcase-of-holding, and said goodbye to the other residents of the Owl House before finally flying off on her staff.

 

It was about a half-hour's flight to the wilderness on the other side of Bonesborough, where at last she reached the old house she was looking for.  She knocked on the door, and only needed to wait a couple of moments before it opened.

 

"Hello, mother."

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not actually condone the use of violence against family members, or anyone else. It can be funny in fiction, not so in reality. I would never do anything like this to my siblings, and you shouldn't either.