Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bread-making is a loving, uncomplicated process. It’s one of my favorite activities, and one of the few things I genuinely excel at. My life is already full enough of complicated processes.

Breaking into my sister’s apartment was relatively easy. I had learned to pick locks from one of her old high school buddies, Mylo, about a thousand years previously. I jimmied the lock until it fell open welcomingly. Then I tucked it into my pocket, turned the knob, and stepped inside.

The whole place was dead silent. I figured Vi must have been at work – she was a martial arts instructor, and usually worked until about seven o’clock in the evenings. Caitlyn wasn’t there either – my sister’s girlfriend is a detective, so sometimes she gets called into work unexpectedly. I had the place to myself.

“Thank fuck,” I muttered as I began to rummage through the fridge. I set up my mise en place, or whatever it’s called. Bowls filled with milk (I sniff-tested it first), flour, dry active yeast. Baking soda. Butter. Future deliciousness promised in every ingredient.

There were a couple of reasons as to why I was baking bread in my sister and her girlfriend’s home, and I’ll list them here for the sake of convenience:

1. I am a chronic couch-hopper, and so I don’t really have anywhere I can cook for myself other than at Vi’s
2. I was starving
3. I’m broke, hence why I was starving and willing to sneak around to get food

I kneaded dough and enjoyed the peace of the afternoon while it lasted. The empty kitchen was a little surreal – usually, if I resorted to breaking in, Vi would come charging out of whatever room she was sequestered in and throw me back out. If she was feeling in any way sympathetic, we would sometimes hang out for a bit before she did it.

I am a perpetual fuck-up, and I am perfectly aware of that fact. My sister’s aware of it, too, hence why I’m not allowed to stay at her and Caitlyn’s apartment for too long. I have been in a lot of bad relationships – guys who dealt drugs, girls I had cheated on, enby’s who helped me shoplift – and cannot hold down a job to save my life.

Vi had once recommended a job at a restaurant. She’d even helped me apply, letting me use her as a reference. But nobody really wants to hire a twenty-one-year-old who’s emotionally unstable, immature, and absolutely nutso. I managed to stay at that job for about a week. Then some douchebag grabbed my ass as a joke when I headed for the walk-in, and in a rage I’d stuck a knife in his gut. He’d been fine – a quick trip to the emergency room, no major organs punctured. But my boss got right in my face and told me to never come back. I still don’t think I’m allowed to so much as eat there.

I had several places I worked at that all ended the same way. My longest-running almost-career was selling drugs with my ex-boyfriend, Silco. That was a train wreck of a relationship that I do not care to reflect upon, but it was also a steady six months of a roof over my head and a place to eat. As long as I helped with the coke shipments and kept sleeping with him, I was allowed to stay there. I even had my own bedroom where I could sleep when he didn’t feel like fucking me.

It was Vi that made me break up with him. Ever the protective big sister, she’d flipped when she found out how I was paying my own way. She’d shown up with Caitlyn and all but dragged me out of the house, bringing me back to her place and parking me in the kitchen. We’d gone around and around for a few hours. Then she gave up, and it was Caitlyn’s turn.

Caitlyn Kiramman is made of iron, with a sweet face to cover it up. All she had to do was lean over me, face inches from mine, and demanded to know what I had gotten myself into.

Fuck, I’d thought. If you keep staring at me like that, I’ll answer every question you throw at me.

And so I did, without an ounce of guilt. I’d been feeling the effects of living with a drug dealer, and it was starting to wear thin. I sort of wanted out of that life, whether I was ready to admit it or not.

So I agreed to move out. Silco – asshole that he could be – was always cordial to me. I’ve always suspected he had stronger feelings for me than I did for him, even though he was twenty years my senior. When I broke it off, he let me leave without a fuss. I’d packed a lonely, falling-apart suitcase, and met my sister at her car.

It didn’t take long for my old habits to come back and haunt me. I think I was a Vi’s for a month and half before she threw me out. Caitlyn had probably put her up to it, which was fair. As I mentioned, I am a pain in the ass – I keep weird hours, don’t pay rent, eat everybody’s food. Sometimes, too, I get really angry. Or really depressed. And I don’t know why. The worst part is that there’s these horrible days where I think everybody hates me. They probably do. I’m useless, unless it’s to bake bread or sell drugs.

The dough was finally done. The oven beeped to let me know it was pre-heated. I almost didn’t hear it – I’d turned the radio on, loud as I dared, and was letting the thumping music heal my heart. I danced around the room, head lolling to the beat. I set the built-in timer on the microwave, and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands.

Once there, I decided to pee and maybe take a shower. I stole Vi’s shampoo and let the water heat up as I checked myself out in the mirror.

My long braids were snarled-looking. I carefully untwisted them , wrapping the rubber bands over my wrists. They dug into my skin a little, but no big deal. I shook out my hair and used my fingers to untangle it as best I could.

The shower felt amazing. I was currently sleeping over at Sevika’s, and she didn’t always have hot water. She and I were not each other’s favorite person, either, and I avoided her when I could. The only reason she was letting me stay over was because I got her little brother into a rehab program. Actually, scratch that – I was the one dealing him the coke. Caitlyn got him into rehab, after I asked her to as a favor to me.

I never did the stuff myself. It never interested me. Alcohol, coke, weed, ecstasy, whatever. They just didn’t have the rush that came with holding a gun or pickpocketing somebody. I don’t think Vi believes me. I know Caitlyn does, but that’s because she always sees the best in people.

I try to ignore the crush I may or may not possess for my sister’s girlfriend. We have known each other for ten years, and she has been with Vi for pretty much every moment of them. I guess me and my big sis have similar tastes in women.

Caitlyn was the first person I ever came out to. I don’t really know why I didn’t say anything to Vi first – she was also queer, and out and proud about it, too. A lot of our friends are. But I’ve always felt like I could trust Caitlyn. That in spite of everything, she wouldn’t judge.

And I get judged plenty. Rightfully so.

Bread-smell filled the apartment now. I stepped out of the shower, hair washed and dripping onto the tiled floor. I wrapped it in a towel and drifted into the hallway. The music pounded from the other room. The timer was going off, absolutely pissed that I wasn’t checking on the loaf right away.

Vi stood in the hallway, blocking my exit. “Powder,” she spat. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

Chapter Text

~Flashback~

I did my first shooting competition when I was eleven years old.

My dad, Vander, had saved up for weeks to pay for my entry fee. The pistol was easy enough to acquire – he’d talked to a few friends who set me up with one small enough for me to handle. He got me the gun, but I had to find a way to buy my own bullets. I did what I could to hunt them down. Stealing money from people’s purses was the quickest way. But that carried too much of its own risk, and so I sometimes did odd jobs with my friend Ekko to pay for stuff.

Vander and Vi went with me to the range. We had to take two buses to get there, and we were almost late when one driver gave me a hard time about bringing a weapon aboard. My dad was really good at defusing situations like that, though, and he managed to convince him to let us ride.

We arrived successfully, though, and I wiggled in place restlessly while Vander signed me in. Vi stood a little off to the side, bored out of her skull. She liked MMA fights, preferring using her hands for combat over a weapon. She had a beat-up old punching bag at home that was dangling from the ceiling by a thread.

I was ushered into a group of other kids around my own age. The oldest was still a few years younger than Vi, who was a senior in high school. I knew there were several different categories for competitors, and I was in the youngest class.

There was a girl in the next age group from mine. Her hair caught my attention first – dark blue. The color of midnight. It was long, eye-catching, and shimmered in the sunlight.

Vi had noticed her, too. We both stared at the girl with mutual longing. I was too young yet to understand what was happening to me. I just knew I wanted that girl’s attention.

In the manner of a lot of little kids who don’t know any better, I opted to wave to the girl enthusiastically. “Hi!” I cried out cheerfully. “I’m Powder!”

Vi had given me the coldest look I had ever seen. I ignored it, though, because the girl actually waved back at me. At me! Powder! The person who no one paid any attention to!

Vander put his hand on my shoulder, distracting me. “You’re up next, kiddo.” He gestured towards the line of kids, who had all moved forward significantly.

I was suddenly nervous. My dad handed me my pistol, but before I took it from him, I pressed myself against his side anxiously.

“You’ll do just fine, Pow-pow,” he said. “This is your first shooting contest. Nobody expects you to win. Just focus on having fun.”

“But I want to win.” It was the truth. I wanted to prove myself, to show all my friends that I wasn’t useless. That I wasn’t a Jinx.

Vander sighed and looked behind him. Locating my older sister, he waved her over. “Say something nice to her,” I heard him hiss. “Help your baby sister.”

Vi was looking off into the distance, no doubt seeking out the blue-haired girl from earlier. “Good luck,” she supplied. “You’re going to do great.”

I wanted to hug her, but it was already my turn. I took a deep breath, saw Vi give me a thumbs up from the corner of my eye, and stepped forward.

The nerves dissipated when the bell rang. I progressed quickly. Moving targets were still new for me, but the stationary ones were a cinch. I jogged easily across the range, never missing a target.

My dad embraced me as soon as I’d finished. “Well done, kiddo!” he cheered. “Let’s go find your sister. I do believe she’s run off somewhere.”

We found her standing by the older group of kids. She was flirting heavily with the girl, who seemed impressed with whatever Vi was telling her.

I had never experienced jealousy up until that point. That day, though, it raced down my spine, hot and green and awful. It was like it poisoned me.

“Vi,” Vander called out. “Come say congratulations to your sister. She got third place!”

Vi tried to pretend like she didn’t hear him, but I knew from the slump of her shoulders that she had. She probably would have continued ignoring us both, but the girl suddenly grinned at me.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “You got a ribbon? That’s amazing!”

I had never blushed before, either, but I sure as hell did that day. It was a big day for firsts, I guess. “Thanks,” I muttered shyly.

“How old are you, sweetheart?” she asked. She’d placed her hands on her knees and leaned forward so she could see me better. That was a little embarrassing, but I was happy for the attention nonetheless. “Eleven.” I couldn’t get my voice to go above a whisper.

“Well,” she beamed at me. Vi was at last looking my way, with something like pride on her face. “I’m seventeen, and I only just won my first competition last year! Keep up the hard work, and maybe we’ll compete against each other someday, when we’re both grown-ups.”

“This is my little sister,” Vi told her. “Powder. Pow-pow, come say hi to Caitlyn.”

We shook hands. I remember thinking the shape of her hands was perfect – nails manicured into shape but not painted, no pitting or chipped polish to ruin them. I stared at them for a long time after she left to start her own round. We moved up and watched her perform. It was like seeing a waltz – Caitlyn was light on her feet, cautious with her shots. Her aim was almost as good as mine, but her ability to stay quiet, to not disturb the ground beneath her, was infinitely better.

“What an admirable sportswoman,” Vander had commented. Vi and I nodded in unison.

After that, Vi began to take me along with her on little adventures into Caitlyn’s neighborhood. It was a load of fun – we got to steal packages off of people’s front porches, and sometimes I got in some shooting practice by taking shots at people’s mailboxes. In exchange, Vi got to hang around Caitlyn more and more. Caitlyn seemed to like being around us both, although she disapproved of our thievery.

From the moment we met, I knew I was in love with Caitlyn Kiramman.

“Technically,” I said to Vi. “This is an apartment, not a house. Also, thanks for dead-naming me.”

“You are a sneak,” she replied. “I love you, but get the hell out.”

“But my bread.” I pouted.

Vi sighed. “Get your fucking bread out of the oven,” she relented. “And then go. Take it with you.”

She took stock of my appearance. My clothes were rumpled, but not terribly dirty. I’d managed to hit up a discount clothing store on the other side of town, so I wasn’t wearing anything too damaged. “When was the last time you ate something?” she asked.

I had to think about it. Usually, I could score a meal about once per day. Lately, though, my usual list of robbable grocery stores seemed to have beefed up their security, making shoplifting a chore. “Saturday?” I guessed.

It was Monday. Vi sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger. “Never mind,” she grumbled. “Go sit your ass down in the kitchen.”

I turned off the radio and removed the loaf. I let it cool as I set the table for the both of us. Vi joined me and grabbed us both a cup of water each.

It was an old, old meal we were sharing. We had never been wealthy. The butter she smeared onto her own slice was a luxury, back in the day. She was only living comfortably now because she had a steady source of income. She had a steady source of income due to her girlfriend’s status. I had not been so lucky.

I’d tried to explain to her once that I don’t usually try to find trouble deliberately. It just seems to find me, especially when I’m not looking for it. Need some money? Good luck getting a job. It’s much easier just to steal. Need a place to stay? This guy will give you a whole fucking bedroom if you give him a blow job. Need to eat? Nothing to be done for the groceries, but hey, your sister’s apartment is pretty easy to lock pick.

I realized that Vi looked exhausted. I looked at the time on the microwave door – way too early for her to be home from work. “What are you doing here?” I asked as I took the butter from her outstretched hand.

“I should ask you the same thing,” she retorted. She ran a hand across her face.

“Is Caitlyn at the station?” I inquired. I assumed she was either being held over or in the middle of a case.

Vi shook her head. Her expression was gaunt with sadness and fatigue. “I haven’t seen her in a couple days,” she admitted. “No one has.”

I dropped my slice onto my plate. “What?” I asked, startled.

She continued. “I was actually going to find you,” she explained. “I tried her cop buddies; they all insist there’s nothing wrong. That she’s just on a case that she can’t talk about. I even asked Jayce, but he doesn’t know anything, either. Not her mom or her dad. Nobody.”

I stared at a spot on the wall just behind her, stunned. “So, no one’s seen or heard from her at all?”

Vi shook her head. “Nothing. I was hoping you would help me look.”

I looked out the kitchen window, checking to see if there were any pigs flying through the sky. “How in the fuck do you think I would help?”

VI swallowed. “Because,” she began. “You have friends in low places. You know people who might be more willing to give me information. Plus,” she said this with a wry smile. “You are the smartest person I know.”

That one dumbfounded me. “What?” I was absolutely puzzled.

Her smile widened into a grin. “I’m not joking, Powder. You know how to navigate all over the city. You know how and where to steal shit, where to get info. Who to talk to. And you manage to do it all without getting arrested.”

That part was true. Despite my shitty choices, I had never once been arrested. I’ve gotten close, sure. Plenty of times. Many an adventurous night has found me sprinting for my life across a parking lot somewhere with two or three officers right on my heels. I was too slick, too clever, too fast for them to catch up.

I tore my gaze from the window. “What’s in it for me?”

The grin did not leave my sister’s lips. “If you do this thing,” she intoned. “And if we find her, I will let you stay here permanently.”

“Rent-free?” I pushed my luck.

“Rent-free,” she agreed.

I reached for her hand, and we shook on it. “Where do you want to start?” I asked.

“I was hoping we would re-trace some of my steps,” she replied. “Let’s go talk with Jayce first.”

“The Boyfriends it is,” I nodded.

Chapter Text

“The Boyfriends” were, of course, Viktor and Jayce. Jayce was best friends with Caitlyn and sometimes-friends with my sister. I sort of suspect that Vi and Jayce have an uneasy friendship with each other, because Jayce tried to hit on Caitlyn on more than one occasion.

Thankfully, somewhere along the line he realized he actually preferred Viktor. Now the two of them live in a walk-up not far from Vi’s place.

It was within walking distance, so Vi and I hit the pavement. It was kind of nice – I don’t really have as much time to spend with my sister as I want to. Being able to just hang around her again, talk about life – it made me all nostalgic. It made me remember how much I missed her, sometimes.

She gave me details as we walked. Early Saturday morning, Caitlyn got called into the office on a case. She left somewhere around four or five a.m. Vi had only been half-awake when her girlfriend left. She never saw her again after that. Caitlyn wouldn’t answer her texts or calls. Nobody at the station was any help.

“So,” I mulled over her words as we neared the apartment complex. “Her car is gone. She won’t – or can’t – answer her phone. She left almost all her stuff behind, except for her uniform. Am I missing anything?”

Vi shook her head. “That’s all I know.” She sounded defeated. For once, my addled brain burst forth with a shot of sympathy. I wrapped my arms around her middle, forcing her to nearly stagger into the street.

“Hey,” I mumbled into her jacket. “We’ll find her.”

Vi took a shuddering breath. I looked up at her worriedly – Violet never cried. It just wasn’t in her nature. The last time I had seen tears rolling down her cheeks was when our dad died.

“I know,” she said sadly. “But I don’t know what state she’ll be in when we do.”

I quizzed her for more info, but Vi was tapped out. Without access to Caitlyn’s phone, we really had nothing to go on. Witnesses were our best shot.

She approached the stairway and rapped her knuckles on the front door. Nothing happened at first, then it slid open as far as the chain would allow.

“Viktor.” she smiled gratefully at him.

“Vi.” He seemed happy to see her, but was glancing over at me with apprehension. I know I’ve said this a couple times now, but I’m not anybody’s favorite person. Especially at five in the afternoon on a Monday.

“Is Jayce here?” Vi tried to peer around Viktor’s shoulder. He nodded and moved the chain back so we could enter. It took him a few tries – whatever’s up with him health-wise makes his hands shake. He managed, though, and let us in. He didn’t take his eyes off of me as I stepped across the threshold.

From behind me, I could hear Viktor’s cane as he limped behind us. I took a tour of the living room, staring at photographs of him and Jayce. Unable to resist, I even picked up a few of his trinkets and half-finished inventions and played with them for a minute. I’m one of those people who thoroughly enjoys going through your medicine cabinets at parties.

“So,” he began. “What brings you to our lovely home?”

Vi swallowed. She didn’t look at him. I decided to answer for her. “Hat lady’s MIA,” I replied. “Have you or Pretty Boy seen her at all? Or even heard from her?”

I turned to see Viktor shake his head. “Not in a few days,” he admitted. “Jayce may know more. I will go get him.” Vi and I watched as he moved slowly into a different part of the apartment. The sound of his uneven footfalls disappeared when his steps met the carpeting.

“Shall we sit?” I asked, plopping myself into an armchair. I could tell Vi was a little too restless to settle down, but she did sit beside me on the edge of the seat.

The apartment Jayce and Viktor shared was older than the one Vi and Caitlyn rented. The living room we were parked in was decorated Victorian-style, with antique furniture accompanied by a flat-screen and Viktor’s laptop. It was a beautiful space to live in. “I want something like this for myself, some day,” I said to my sister, nudging her ankle with my foot.

“Hm?” she asked, distracted. Now that I was paying more attention, I noticed how anxious she was. “This is really eating away at you,” I stated the obvious.

She nodded and stared miserably at the floor. It’s not like I wasn’t worried, too – Caitlyn is my friend. Of course I want to be sure she’s safe. But unlike Vi, I don’t sit around all day worrying about what’s going to happen next. It’s the only advantage I have over her – I’m much better at living in the present.

Jayce’s quick strides met my ears. We turned as one to see him head into the room first, followed by Viktor’s much slower steps behind him.

“Vi.” He greeted his old friend the same way Viktor had. Vi jumped off the chair, almost catapulting me in the process. I regained my balance as she shook hands with him.

“Talk to me,” he commanded. It’s one of the things I absolutely do not like about Pretty Boy – he fucking commands people all goddamn day. It makes me feel like I’m beneath him, like he’s better than me. Which is bullshit, because he’s dating a guy who grew up in the same shitty area that me and my sister did. And I’d seen Viktor put him in his place over that more than once.

Vi told him the same stuff she had told me. He sank into the loveseat alongside his boyfriend, arm draped behind him. Viktor couldn’t sit down for long periods of time, but he still pressed his trembling shoulder against Jayce’s steady one. At one point during the conversation, I witnessed Jayce unthinkingly press his lips to the top of Viktor’s head. Something about the gesture made me flinch away. I couldn’t tell if it was embarrassment or envy or what. Maybe I’m just a little touch-starved, I don’t know. Intimacy scares me. It’s way simpler just to hump and dump people.

To give Pretty Boy some credit, he didn’t just jump to conclusions or start asking a mega ton of questions. He actually listened to Vi’s entire spiel before giving a response.

“I’ll interview her coworkers myself,” he decided finally. “Have you considered…uh…”

Viktor finished the thought for him. “Have you considered discussing this with some of Jinx’s friends?” He waved in my direction. Another issue with being me – due to the fact that I am not a popular gal, people tend to talk about me like I’m not even in the room. It used to drive me crazy as a kid, but I’ve gotten used to it over time.

“That’s next on our list,” I explained. “We just wanted to know if you guys heard anything from her at all,” Vi stated.

“No,” Jayce replied. “But we will definitely keep you posted.”

I sat up suddenly. The Boyfriends had no further information for either of us, and nightfall would be coming soon. I was not looking forward to exploring my neck of the woods after dark, even after living there for more than twenty years.

“Well,” I clapped my hands decisively. “Time to go! C’mon, Vi. Let’s keep looking.” She stood and shook hands with both men this time.

They walked us to the door. We stepped out into the cooler evening air – a breeze had picked up, making me shiver. Vi waved goodbye to them one final time, and we headed towards the bad part of town.

We chatted some more as we traveled. “Do you always do your braids yourself now?” she asked.

“Yes!” I replied cheerfully. Vi used to do it for me when I was younger, but eventually I figured it out on my own.

“Have you considered just cutting it?” She tugged on one braid. I smacked her hand, and she prodded me in the ribs. It was like we were kids again.

I shrugged in response. “I thought about it,” I confessed. “But I don’t know what I’d look like with short hair, and at this point I’m too scared to f-“

I never got the chance to finish my sentence, because someone had punched me right in the mouth. As I fell over backwards, my attacker managed to get in a second throw, this time meeting my cheekbone.

Chapter Text

~Flashback~

It was a rare day indeed – just me and Caitlyn, spending time at my dad’s bar, The Last Drop.

Vi was at the gym, no doubt practicing for her next fight. Vander was somewhere in the back room, getting supplies ready for the night’s patrons. That just left Caitlyn helping me with my homework.

Truth be told, I didn’t necessarily need her help. I did okay in class. I had just started high school. I was still adjusting to the fact that I was not going to be nearly as tall as my sister. Certainly not as tall as Caitlyn.

She was a sight to behold that evening. Her long legs were crossed together beneath the bar stool. I could see the creamy expanse of flesh every time she shifted her weight. They ended in a dark blue skirt that matched her hair exactly. She was trying to show me something on a piece of paper, but for the life of me, I was not focused on her explanation at all.

That was part of the issue with my grades – I was way too impatient in school. I would rush through assignments as soon as they were placed in front of me, then get bored with notetaking. Then I would start getting disruptive. I was a riot with some of the other kids, but to the teachers I was just a pain in the ass. I lost interest in my classes with increasing regularity.

Hence why Caitlyn was trying to help. She never got made at me for not understanding something, but she was also not afraid to get firm with me if I started to drift my attention elsewhere.

She snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Powder,” she scolded, with a light laugh. “Are you listening?”

“No,” I admitted with a grin. Honesty was always the best policy with her. If I tried to lie, she was just going to sniff it out.

She huffed in mock-annoyance and shoved the paper in front of me. “Read the equation,” she said. “Make sure you get it right. Vander’ll kill you if you fail out of algebra.”

Math was a subject I actually enjoyed, to a degree. Numbers had simple rules. They were orderly. Neat. Perfect. So unlike myself. Language, too, wasn’t very hard. As long as you followed the directions, you were fine. The problem was the teachers. My algebra professor in particular saw me as a nuisance. I suspected he was failing me on purpose, so that I couldn’t move on to my sophomore year.

I stared at another girl who had just walked into the bar. She seemed to be old enough to drink – I certainly wasn’t at fourteen, but my dad owned the place, so nobody really cared. Caitlyn and Vi almost were, and they were not afraid to sneak a few sips of beer when they thought Vander wasn’t looking.

The girl was almost the same height as Vi. Her black hair was bundled up on top of her head. She was beautiful, but not my type. I don’t even remember if at fourteen I even knew what my type was. What struck me as odd was her behavior – she looked around the almost-empty space frantically, before her gaze settled on me and Caitlyn.

She bee-lined for Caitlyn like she’d been shot out of a cannon. Caitlyn was still talking, trying to bring me back to her. But the dark-haired girl was the only thing I was concerned with at that point. I didn’t know what her plan was, only that she was a clear danger to my friend.

When she swung her fist to sock Caitlyn in the side of the head, my hand caught her in mid-air.

“Hi,” I said to her through gritted teeth. She tried to pull her arm away. I used my other hand to snatch her wrist before she could. “May I help you?”

“Fuck you,” she snapped. “My quarrel lies with this bitch.” She nodded in Caitlyn’s direction. Caitlyn, for her part, looked totally confused.

I risked a glance over my shoulder at her. “Well, bitch,” I grinned. “Do you know this girl?”

Caitlyn shook her head, rising slowly from her stool. It spun as she did so, quietly coming to a stop as she said, “I’m sorry. Who are you? And why are you trying to hit me?”

The other girl struggled against my grasp. I’m not a very physically strong person – that’s my sister’s forte. But I showed her every tooth I had in my head, and dug my nails into her skin. “I drop your wrist,” I explained slowly. “When you drop the attitude.”

“She stole my boyfriend!” the girl suddenly wailed. She managed to free herself, and smartly took two steps away from me. I remained a barrier between her and Caitlyn. I made it clear that in order to get to her, she would have to go through me first.

Caitlyn moved to stand beside me. I desperately wanted her behind me again, so I had a better chance at absorbing any wayward punches. “I don’t even know you.” She said calmly. She was more puzzled than alarmed.

“Hello?!” the girl exclaimed. “You’re Caitlyn Kiramman!”

“Yes.” Caitlyn and I said simultaneously. We looked at each other in our peripheral vision.

“You’re sleeping with Jayce!” The girl was crying now. “You took him away from me!”

I burst out laughing. I knew Caitlyn was probably frowning at me, but I didn’t care. I doubled over with laughter, holding my knees to steady myself.

“Holy fuck.” I wiped tears from my eyes. “You could not have been more wrong.”

Caitlyn was glaring at me now, but I still didn’t look at her. Her and Vi were going to have to explain themselves at some point or another, anyway. This was just the first opportunity that presented itself.

Vander appeared by the back room door. He looked at all three of us with his eyebrows knitted together. I gave him a thumbs up.

“Go ahead,” I said to Caitlyn. “Tell her. I’ll be right here waiting.”

Caitlyn gathered herself for a moment. It probably wasn’t the nicest thing I’d ever made her do, making her come out of the closet to not only her girlfriend’s father, but also a total stranger. But it had to be done, even for no other reason than it was about to save her pretty face.

“I am not sleeping with Jayce,” she announced, tone cautious.

“Liar!” the girl snapped.

“She can prove it!” I moved between them once again. Vander placed an anxious hand on the little gate that separated the bar from the floor, obviously ready to step in if needed.

Caitlyn paused for a moment. “Wait,” she murmured to herself. “I do know you! Doesn’t your mother work with mine? For the city council? You’re Mel Medarda, right?”

Mel took another step back. “Yes,” she replied with a sniffle. “And your mother is Cassandra.”

Caitlyn nodded. “I’m not fooling around with your boyfriend,” she said again. “Because I’m dating Violet.”

Mel shot a look at me. She unmistakably thought that was me. “My sister,” I explained with a small smile. “Not me.” Although did I ever fucking wish it was sometimes. I entertained a brief fantasy in which I got to introduce Caitlyn to other people as my girlfriend.

Mel’s posture relaxed minutely. “Okay.” She considered. She noticed Vander at last – he kept his hand on the gate, eyes glaring. She swallowed and walked backwards, towards the door. “I’m sorry. For all this.”

Caitlyn waved her off. “It was no big deal,” she replied smoothly. “Just please, think before you act next time. Alright?”

“Yeah,” I retorted. “Otherwise, I really will kick your ass. Especially if Tall Dark and Gorgeous isn’t here to stop me.” I hooked my thumb towards Caitlyn, who rolled her eyes. She’d known me long enough to ignore some of my more flirtatious statements.

Mel bid a hasty retreat, letting the front door slam behind her. Caitlyn sank back onto her chair with a shaky laugh.

“Jesus,” she commented. “Thank fuck you were paying attention. I thought I was going to get decked for a minute there.”

I was cackling. “No sweat,” I answered. “Any time you want me to be your knight in shining armor, just ask.”

She wrapped a hand around one of my braids. I had started letting my hair grow out the year before – it was almost midway down my back at that point. “That’s Vi’s job,” she murmured. “But thank you again, just the same. You’re the best, Powder.”

She was blushing, and I probably was, too. Vander watched our exchange with raised eyebrows. “So,” he said after a long minute had passed. “When were you going to tell me that you and Vi were seeing each other?”

I only blacked out for a second. I came to and found my sister dragging a girl a little older than me away, towards the back alley she had no doubt sprung from.

The girl was fighting my sister like a ship in the wind, but Vi is built like a brick shithouse and when she’s angry, there’s no stopping her. She hoisted the girl into a pile of trash, shouting “Stay down!” into her face.

“You cunt!” The girl screamed. She was looking at me as she said it.

“Good evening, Sky.” I finger-waved at her. Sky was an intern Jayce and Viktor hired a while back, until she got fired for acting inappropriately. From what I understand, she was getting way too handsy with Viktor, who decided to let her go. The girl’s about as nuts as I am, if we’re going to be specific.

Sky’s problem was that she firmly believed I was having sex with Viktor. I find this hard to wrap my head around for a few reasons:

1. Yeah, I’ll bang anybody. But not just anybody, you know? I have types. Standards.
2. Viktor did technically grow up in the same area as I did, but he’s almost ten years my senior. We didn’t really interact until we were both adults. Even now, he’s just an acquaintance.
3. With how skinny he is, his dick probably looks like somebody tied at empty sausage casing to his leg

So I swear on my fucking life - actually, never mind – my life is worthless. I swear on my dad’s life. Nope, not that either – Vander’s dead.

“I swear on my sister’s fucking life,” I declared. “That I am not trying to fuck Viktor. Holy shit, Sky, we’ve had this conversation a million times. Get a hobby. One that isn’t being a weirdo stalker.”

“Wait.” Vi stared at the brunette, who was still lying amongst the garbage. “Did you follow us over here?”

I nodded at the same time Sky did. “Most likely,” I guessed. “Cause you just love spying on Viktor right outside his door, don’t you?”

“Drop dead,” Sky snarled.

“Maybe someday, but not today.” I replied. “Do you really get your jollies out of following him around? I wish I had your degree of free time. Might actually have the time for a real job.”

Sky stood up finally to put some distance between her and Vi. Vi watched her, half-interested. “I don’t have to listen to this.”

“You’re right,” I answered. Vi was looking at me now. Her expression was so much like Vander’s at that moment – eyebrows drawn, frown deepening by the minute. I almost expected her to throw me over her shoulder and carry me back to the bar, like he would do when I was little and acting like a brat.

“You have to get back to your boytoy’s house,” I taunted. “And watch as he blows somebody better-looking than you on his living room couch.”

Sky’s face colored. She moved away from me and Vi, jogging lightly to get free of us. “Hope you brought binoculars,” I told her as she passed.

Vi shook her head as the girl disappeared into the sunset. “What the fuck was that?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Just another day in the life,” I replied. “Come on, we gotta go to my ex’s first. It’ll be safer there.”

Vi’s expression was dubious, but she followed me willingly enough.

Chapter Text

While I was locating some towels to clean the blood off my face, I heard VI’s cell ring. We were standing in a fast-food restaurant’s bathroom. I had the faucet running, so I could only catch snippets of her conversation as she stood some distance away from the sink. Luckily, we were the only people there.

I heard her sigh. “I understand,” she said. “I’ll be over as soon as I can. I’m still out searching. Yes, of course.” Everything about her tone suggested she was none too pleased about speaking to whoever it was.

I examined my face in the mirror. No teeth were lost, thank goodness. My cheek was already starting to swell, though. I knew I’d have an impressive shiner later. I wet a paper towel with cold water and tried to hold it, but it was a waste of time.

“Is that Mama Kiramman?” I asked when Vi hung up the phone.

She nodded, staring at it dejectedly. “She wants me to meet her at her house. A couple council members are coming. She said they have questions about Caitlyn.”

I got why she didn’t want to talk to Caitlyn’s mother about her daughter’s disappearance. Cassandra Kiramman was a legendary bitch. She strongly disliked Vi for not being a “member of society.” I consider myself lucky that I’ve never had to meet her.

“Why don’t you go?” I suggested. “I’ll head to Ekko’s on my own. It’s not like I don’t know the way.”

Vi looked up, startled. “All by yourself?” She was concerned.

I shrugged. “Naturally,” I replied. “Vi, I’ve lived in this area my entire life. I know how to be smart.”

She glanced away, staring down at the floor this time. “Do you have any weapons?” she asked. As I’ve said before, she’s the one with the powerhouse fists. I’m just good with guns. And knives, in a pinch. But bullets are cheaper.

I shook my head. “Nope,” I answered happily. “But I can get one.”

It was my sister’s turn to shake her head. “Come right back to the apartment if something bad happens.”

“No problem.” I flashed a grin in the mirror. Vi returned it. Pocketing her cell, she stepped out of the bathroom. Once I was relatively mopped up, I walked out into the dining area to find her already gone.

Home again, home again. Jiggity-jig. Colloquially called “The Undercity,” the rough neighborhood that supported Vi and me throughout our childhoods was just kind of shabby looking during the daylight hours. As evening landed on its doorstep, though, it drew the more disreputable folks out of hiding. It’s nobody’s picnic, but it feels like home to me, just the same.

It feels that way for one of my ex-boyfriends, Ekko, too. He’s one year older than me, and we’ve always been close, until we broke up. He and I used to date when I was fifteen and he was sixteen. But then I slept with a mutual friend of ours, and we split up not long after. We were both in agreement on the decision. My heart wasn’t broken. His was, though, and even now I still regret hooking up with that handful of people behind his back. He did nothing to deserve it.

Ekko’s done a lot better for himself without me there, though. At twenty-two, he runs an outreach program for young folks who have fallen by the wayside due to abuse, drugs, or what-have-you. His facility has a little garden area out in front, with plenty of benches so homeless people not in the program can at least find a relatively safe place to sleep. The center of the garden has a massive oak tree in the middle of it, so you can’t miss it.

The building is open during weird hours in order to accommodate its patrons. I was pleased to find the lights strung across the tree branches still turned on. I knocked on the office door, unsure if Ekko would be there or not. Sometimes, other volunteers stepped in if he couldn’t be there that day. It would be hard to explain who I was and why I was looking for him, all while reassuring them I wasn’t interested in getting set up with a social worker or food stamps.

Fortunately, it was him that answered. Ekko’s got one of those faces – hell, he’s got one of those bodies – that just does not age. He’s looked like he was twenty since about the age of thirteen, and I strongly suspect that when the man is in his forties he will continue to look like a college student. I have no idea what I’ll look like by then, but I’m also not sure if I’ll even live that long, anyway.

Just like everyone else that day, he was not happy to see me. “Jinx.” His expression was unfriendly.

“Good evening.” I tried to be polite. “I swear, I’m here to do Vi a favor. It’s not for me.”

His face didn’t change. “I don’t believe you.”

I sighed. “Want me to call her?” I offered. “It’s about Caitlyn. Her girlfriend.”

“The cop she’s been dating since forever?” he asked. I nodded in reply. “She’s missing. Vi and now the council are trying to find her. It’s been a couple days.”

Ekko did not speak right away. He watched two teenagers that were hanging around by the tree. They seemed to be just horsing around, not selling anything to one another. They eventually stopped play-wrestling and moved away to goof off someplace else. The memory of doing that sort of thing with him made my heart hurt for a minute.

He waved me inside. “Explain.”

“I don’t know all the details,” I informed him. “She went out on a case, then didn’t pick up her phone. Her family can’t get in touch with her either. I don’t think she’s left Vi on purpose.” I hadn’t talked to my sister about one of my darker theories – that Caitlyn was cheating on her, and trying to hide it. It wasn’t like Caitlyn to pull that shit, though. She was too honest of a person for that.

Ekko collapsed into an office chair. We were alone in the small space – all his employees had left for the day, and no clients were waiting for him. I stayed standing, a little restless from getting punched earlier. The adrenaline was leaving my system, but only gradually.

“Sure it’s not one of the cops?” he suggested. “We know what they’re like.”

He had a point. Corruption plagues the department Caitlyn works for. There is a lot of unreported violence in the Undercity, and a good chunk of it was from its citizens getting their asses kicked by officers. Caitlyn was the only one I trusted, and even then, I probably wouldn’t if I had met her as an adult.

“Maybe so,” I replied. “But which one? What’s the reason?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” We met each other’s eyes. I’m sure our expressions mirrored each other – mouths drawn into hard lines, gazes somber, minds racing with probabilities. We’re both intelligent people, even if our circumstances turned out different. I’m proud of him for accomplishing as much as he has with almost nothing in the way of opportunities or support systems.

“What about Silco?” he asked the question with a grimace. He knew about my past with my other ex, and he didn’t love me for it. For six long months, I did the exact thing that landed so many of his clients in his office in the first place. “He knows a lot of people around here. Might have more info than me.”

“Good point,” I answered. “He’s next up on the list.” I just wasn’t excited about meeting him again, not that I would tell Ekko that.

Ekko watched my expression, reading my mind. “Why don’t you stay the night here?” he offered. “I have one empty bed, until one of my new guys starts tomorrow. There’s water in the fridge. Somebody from the church donated some canned goods.”

“No, thanks.” I smiled at him. He did not return it. His face just took me in, looking at my clothing, the bruise forming on my cheekbone, the finally dry braids. He looked worried, empathetic. I hate it when he does stuff like that. Sympathize. Consider someone else’s story. He’s such a good listener. I do not tolerate kindness from the people I’ve hurt.

He stood and let me out into the garden. He shut the lights off, plunging the circular plaza into darkness. I shivered, but managed to hide it from him.

“Be safe,” he warned. “Don’t let Silco coerce you into anything you don’t want.”

“Okay, mother.” I rolled my eyes. “The fuck do you think he’ll do to me? The guy’s forty something and weighs about seventy pounds. Plus, he chain smokes. I could take him in a fight.”

Ekko chuckled, surprising me. “Looks like you already lost a fight today.” He gestured to my bruise.

“I was sucker punched!” I retorted. “That wasn’t a fair fight!” We shared a laugh, and it was like we were friends again. He offered his hand, and I shook it. “So long and goodnight.”

“Ta-ta,” I replied. I turned on my heel and marched down the alleyway. I didn’t dare look back, afraid I would see his empathizing face and burst into tears over it.

Hatred I can deal with. Even jealousy is simple enough to understand. Anger is a thing I can hold in my palm, molding it like clay and using it to my advantage. But stuff like sadness, or gentleness, is way outside of my wheelhouse.

Chapter Text

~Flashback~

“Powder.” Caitlyn’s voice was like a cold dash of water on my sleeping form. “Get. Up.”

I had been dozing peacefully between two people I’d met at a club the night before. I had no idea who they were - their names, pronouns, etc; but I knew I’d probably slept with both of them, because all three of us were naked.

Caitlyn was a surprise. I didn’t remember having sex with her. Besides, she was twenty-four and I was eighteen. She would never do something like that, my own feelings for her notwithstanding.

I opened one eye carefully. My head was thumping thumping thumping. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was definitely unpleasantly bright in the room. Caitlyn stood at the foot of the bed I was lying on, hands on her hips, looking pissed and gorgeous at the same time.

“Good morning, beautiful.” I tried to smile at her. It cost me. My stomach tightened and yo-yo’d threateningly. Lucky for me, I had nothing in my stomach for it to lose. I would have attempted sitting up, but I was slightly pinned to the mattress by one of my more out of it cohorts. Their arm was heavy across my middle. Behind me, my other fuck buddy was curled against my spine, their breath causing condensation to form on my neck. We all smelled like sweat and alcohol. Which is to say, we smelled absolutely gross.

Caitlyn did not smile back. Her glare cut through my naked form – no blanket covered me. It took her a second to survey my situation, and then she marched to one side of the bed and wrenched my arm, forcing me into sitting.

“Vander is worried sick.” She snarled. My companions began to stir. Fuck, was it too warm in that room. “Vi is worried sick. I was worried sick, but I can see now that you are completely fine, just a stupid jackass. Get up. We are going home. Now.”

“Home?” I inquired. “Your place or mine, Cupcake?”

Her nostrils flared. Maybe I shouldn’t have used Vi’s little pet name. She did not try to cajole me into coming with her. Instead, Caitlyn yanked me off the bed and onto the floor. I yelped when my knees met the hardwood, but she didn’t care. She dragged me across the room, hunting for something.

“Where the fuck are your clothes?” She growled. I tried to shrug, but she wasn’t looking at me. She stormed around with me along for the ride before giving up. She toted me out of the building like I was a child.

I thought she would find a place to put her jacket around me or something, but she never did. She led me naked as the day I was born all the way back to Vander. Even when I started wretching from my hangover, she didn’t let up. She spent the whole journey lecturing me about underage drinking (it wasn’t the only substance I’d tried that night, not that I told her that) and unprotected sex.

“This is your last fucking year of high school,” she snapped. “Do you really want to fail now? And just throw away your entire future?”

Kids from the Undercity didn’t really have futures, but I was too nauseous and afraid of her to say anything. I just whimpered when I started to feel sick again, letting her bring me home at a rapid pace.

We arrived to see Vi’s equally angry face inside the window of the Last Drop. Caitlyn just about tossed me into the bar, right at Vander’s feet. He was calmer than Caitlyn or my sister – he had been idly wiping down tables. He liked keeping busy. Now that I’m older, I kind of wonder if that’s where I got it from. If my hands are occupied, I’m a lot less likely to break shit.

“Welcome home,” was all he said as he put the rag away. He was not afforded the chance to say anything else – Vi exploded the moment I stood back up.

“Get your sorry ass in the bathroom!” She shouted. “Get that shit off your fucking skin, and get some goddamn clothing on! What the fuck, Powder?! Where were you?”

“Out clubbing,” Caitlyn answered for me. I resisted the urge to give her a dirty look as I limped into the back of the bar. I noticed too late that blue and pink paint were spattered across my arms, torso, and legs. It took ages to completely come off. To this day, I have no memory of where that paint even came from. I never did quite locate my two one-night stands to ask them.

I emerged from the bathroom to find three disappointed faces staring at me. At least I had found something to cover myself with. They took turns laying into me. I was a fuck up, a catastrophe. I was never going to make it. The usual discussion. I’d heard it from Vi and Vander a hundred times before.

It was Caitlyn’s expression that truly made me feel ashamed that time. Anger had left her – all that was left was solemn disappointment. I didn’t realize it until much later, but I had let her down. She had really believed I was going to magically graduate and go off to college.

Sufficing to say, I never finished my senior year. I dropped out not long afterwards.

I knew I was going to hate every single part of this. I fidgeted outside Silco’s factory. He lived in the space above it, keeping his stolen cars and occasional coke shipment on the first floor. His apartment overlooked it, so he could tell right away if someone was trying to break in.

I eyeballed a stationary camera pointed at my face. When we were together, part of my responsibility was making sure his security system worked. Any time not dedicated to partying, stealing, or being a drug mule was spent parked before the cameras, watching for any unexpected company. And I certainly qualified as unexpected company.

I didn’t have to wait long. The door was locked with a padlock and chain, but Silco always had some guy standing just inside the door to unlock it. I heard the jangle of keys, and the door swung open.

“Thanks,” I commented pleasantly to the beefy-looking guard. His face was impassive as I crossed the threshold.

“Come in.” Silco’s voice floated down to me from the second floor. I glanced at the collection of sports cars resting calmly on the factory floor. They were too new, too clean, to be anything other than hot. He’d probably sell them somewhere down the line.

I took the stairs two at a time. Silco wasn’t hard to find – he was parked at his desk, fingers folded together across his knees.

His one good eye regarded me passively. “I know I’m in no place to ask for favors,” I began. “But I need your help with something.”

“So I have heard.” Of course he had. He had eyes and ears all over town, even in some of the nicer parts of it. “Your little police-friend has gone to ground.”

I nodded. There were no other chairs in the room except his – Silco liked to keep it that way so that everyone else felt awkward just standing there. He was all about control. “I told VI I’d help.”

“Awfully generous of you,” his tone never wavered. He was studying me, waiting patiently as I told him what was going on. It most likely was not new information for him. I knew what he was doing – he had played that trick with me before. Stay relatively quiet so that your quarry turns out their pockets for you, then use their confession to your advantage. He wanted a quid pro quo situation to take place. If you ask Silco for help, expect to owe him back double.

I cut to the chase. “Whatever you want,” I said. “I’ll do it. Drugs, theft, whatever.” I prayed he wouldn’t ask me to sleep with him. If it would get me what I needed though, I would do it anyway. Vi’s happiness was more important. Caitlyn’s safety was more important still.

He shook his head. “What I want,” he replied, dragging his words out slowly. “Is for you to come back to me. That is all I ever wanted, Jinx.”

“Ah.” I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I had figured it out – he wanted his sex toy back. For all his power, Silco was an old man. Loneliness is too kind of a word for him, but the solitary lifestyle did mean that he sometimes longed for companionship.

It was about more than just sex, too – he wanted somebody around that knew the business. Knew not only how to fuck him, but to get the power to restart if someone cut the electricity for the cameras. Someone who could check the shipments and make sure they were legitimate. Somebody who was good with a gun.

Somebody like me.

“You do not have to decide right away.” That was a bald-faced lie and I saw right through it. It was Silco’s way of getting you to trust him – he would make it seem like you had options. That it was really you making the choice. So when things did go wrong, who was there to blame but yourself?

“But it will take that much longer for me to provide you with information.” There it was. The old bastard’s true nature coming to the surface.

“This is not a hostage situation.” I tried to keep my tone neutral, like his. I itched to dump everything off his desk and shake him, furious. He had screwed over a lot of people over the years, taken advantage of them. I was one of the more handy assets he had acquired, but I was still just one of his belongings in his eyes. “You either have info or you don’t. If you don’t want to help, that’s fine. I’ll move on.”

He sighed and made a show of looking around the room. “Oh, I do have information,” he admitted. His posture was irritatingly relaxed. “You just have to earn it, Jinx.”

“No deal.” I was not in the mood to negotiate. I was so damn tired. I should have taken Ekko up on his offer. “I’m leaving.”

He stopped me. “Wait.” I waited. “Have you considered,” I heard him lick his lips. For once, he actually seemed to be telling the truth. “That her colleagues had something to do with this?”

I turned around to face him again. “That was a possibility presented to me several times.” I’ve started talking like him as I have gotten older, and I hate it every time I do it.

“There is a slight possibility,” he was sitting up fully now, leaning over the desk like he was about to close in on a business deal. “That your friend was found to be in the company of one of her fellow officers. Against her will.”

My blood ran cold. “Where?” I whispered.

Silco reclined back. I watched as he pulled a cigar from a desk drawer and lit it. Several seconds ticked by during the process. He took a long drag before continuing.

“Somewhere in the Undercity.” He replied unhelpfully. I grimaced. He had me hooked into the conversation. It was time to bargain.

“What do you want me to do?” I needed a more specific location in order to trace Caitlyn’s steps. There was no way he didn’t know where she’d been.

“Nothing, for now.” He took another drag. “But I will need you to return to me, once this is all over. To work with me once more.”

I gritted my teeth and looked away. I didn’t want to live as his whore or maid or secretary or employee ever again. But this wasn’t about me. It was for Caitlyn. For Vi. For the only two people that acknowledge my existence without taking advantage of me.

“Deal.” I held out my hand for him to shake. In one swift movement, he latched onto my wrist, tugging me closer. He held the cigar menacingly over my palm. I could feel the ash drip onto my skin. It didn’t burn yet, but I knew it would once he pressed it into my hand.

He didn’t though. In the end, he stuck the cigar back into his mouth, grinning. “Come back to me in two weeks’ time,” he spoke soothingly, like he hadn’t just threatened to grind out his cigar into my palm. “The dust should be settled by then.”

When he explained everything, I understood why I didn’t have to return to him for a couple of weeks.

Chapter Text

I was sitting on the roof of a building a few blocks away from the factory, legs dangling over the edge. I was going over Silco’s words in my head, trying to come up with a plan.

Caitlyn was seen a few days prior perusing through the Undercity with her boss, Marcus. He was the Sheriff, and so he was the one the had called her out to investigate.

Only there was no investigation. He had been setting a trap.

Silco’s connection said they’d seen the two cops arguing with one another. At one point, Marcus grabbed Caitlyn’s arm, and she ripped it away. As she turned to leave, he yanked her backwards by her hair and pressed a gun to her head.

My hands shook at the idea that she was dead. Silco had waited politely for me to finish dry heaving into a trash can, then suggested I might like to get the lead out on my search.

“I suspect,” he drew out the word deliberately, just to piss me off. “That young Miss Kiramman is running out of time.”

My first thoughts were about motive. What did Marcus gain from hurting Caitlyn? None that I could immediately think of. Then my next stream of thought was regarding how to get her back. How to get a gun. How to even find her in the first place – the witness had bailed not long after seeing the kidnapping take place. Two cops fighting with each other meant that they weren’t going after folks from the Undercity.

I didn’t think I had the time to go back to Vi’s. Caitlyn had a shotgun underneath the bed that I could nab, but their apartment was so fucking far away. And I was exhausted. Adrenaline was giving me a slight reprieve from the tiredness, but it was just a matter of time before it caught up to me again. I’d taken a break for too long to find water and rest, and now I had to find Caitlyn. I had to fix this.

I had no way of contacting my sister – I couldn’t afford a cell. Besides, she was probably still stuck with all those council members. Distance aside, even if I tried to go into that neighborhood, I’d probably just get arrested by virtue of being seen at Silco’s place. Birds of a feather, yadda yadda.

I dug my fingernails into the concrete underneath me. My nails were chipped and flicking little bits of polish onto it. I watched disinterestedly as one of them snapped off. Between the stress and exhaustion, I didn’t even feel it.

I flicked it off the roof and stood. I still didn’t have a cohesive plan, but I had a small idea, which is better than anything I usually come up with.

Silco didn’t manufacture weapons as often as he did drugs, but I knew a few places where he stored stuff not far from the factory. I couldn’t get a gun from him – he kept security too tight in those areas. But I could get a knife. Supplies for a bomb. It was better than nothing.

Bomb-making was an idle pastime for baby Jinx. Before I changed my name, I was called Powder not only for my eye color, but also my ability to futz around with different chemicals and mechanics to create havoc-inducing trinkets for fun. I used them to prank teachers, friends, my sister, anybody. Depending on the nature of my relationship with the intended victim, they either found it charming or aggravating.

For Vi, whom I love, I created a noisemaker that would trudge into her bedroom at odd hours and make a loud, piercing wail. It was especially useful when I knew she had Caitlyn over, because it roused them both out of bed and forced them to pay attention to me. For someone I hated, like my math teacher, I created something that caused my homework to catch on fire. He almost lost a hand over that one.

But as I have gotten older, I just don’t have the money for supplies. Nor do I have the energy. A lot of my time is devoted to finding food or a place to sleep. I hadn’t tried to whip anything up since I moved out of Silco’s.

I knew Sevika would probably have a knife somewhere. She was going to be so pissed when she found out I’d taken it, but I would give it back at some point. In the meantime, I could scrounge for scrap metal. Wiring. Nuts and bolts. Stuff to create and destroy with.

I came down from the roof, and headed home. Well, as close to it as I could get. Sevika was absent when I arrived. I locked the door cautiously behind me as I searched her bedroom. The dawn light was pale and frigid looking as it crept in through a tiny window. I couldn’t believe that it had been only fourteen hours ago that I was blissfully making bread, unaware of what was about to happen. I yearned to have that quiet moment back. Hell, I just wanted to eat some of that bread again. Bonus points if my sister and her girlfriend were there to eat it with me.

Cold blue light framed the room, reflecting back the metal of a serrated blade the width of my arm from where it was tucked away underneath Sevika’s pillow. I gripped its handle experimentally – it was a little too heavy for my taste, but it was otherwise perfectly functional and not difficult to hide on my person. I tucked it into my bra, feeling the teeth graze my skin like a lover. It dug in slightly as I walked, but physical pain is nothing to me. It’s a cakewalk compared to some of the other shit I’ve been through.

The next hour was devoted to dumpster diving. A time-honored tradition for both Vi and myself, we had been doing it since early childhood. Vander would take any scrap metal we produced and sell it for spare cash. One man’s trash is certainly another’s paycheck, he liked to say. I think he got the phrasing wrong, but he’s dead and I miss his dumb sayings, so what does it matter?

I managed to scrounge enough supplies and also locate a screwdriver in the process. I used the early morning sun to guide my hands as I crafted a bomb small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. Its brass and steel components felt welcoming against my skin. It had no timer, because I couldn’t find one. Instead, it would hopefully function a little like a grenade – I pulled a string just beneath its underside, and could throw it at someone.

I couldn’t resist adding a little bit of flourish. Against all odds, I had found two pieces of aluminum that I successfully bent into half-moon shapes. I slid them into openings on top, so that they stuck up like tiny ears. I used my broken nail to scratch a set of teeth into the front panel.

To an unsuspecting individual, it looked like a toy monkey. It grimaced up at me as I slid the screwdriver into one pocket and the bomb into another. I hoped I didn’t accidentally pull the string while I walked.

By the time I was finished, the morning had well and truly started. Now armed and in the daylight, I felt immensely more secure. Now I just had to find Caitlyn, and deal with the consequences of my deal with Silco after the fact.

“A young policewoman cut down in her prime.” I’d shot him the filthiest look I could manage when he had said that. “Will cause a great deal of chaos for you. You need not come back to me right away, Jinx. Deal with the inevitable interrogations first, and then I will fetch you back here.”

I gritted my teeth unhappily. My small plan got a little bigger – to find Caitlyn, I knew I had to find Marcus first. I had a hunch as to where to look.

Marcus loved him some booze, as it turns out. The Last Drop has been under new management since my dad died, but he still went there often enough to either get drunk or laid. There was no way he hadn’t made a stop there either before or after taking Caitlyn.

It was the only shot I had.

Chapter Text

~Flashback~

I was almost nineteen years old, and my father was dead. Massive heart attack. Age fifty.

Vi and I lost our mother when I was too little to remember her properly. Vi says she was beautiful. I believe her – I saw the photos of her and Vander when I was first born.

If our mom had beauty, Vander had kindness. Patience. Perseverance. Things I could never even so much as aspire to be.

“It’s not fair,” I whimpered to Vi the night before the funeral. I was aware that I sounded like a little kid, but I didn’t care then and I don’t now. Vander’s death was not fair. He didn’t do anything to deserve to die alone on the floor of his bar. Vi found him. She refused to tell me what he looked like, only that the keys were in his hand. So he was probably about to open shop for the night when it happened.

Me and Vi spent the whole night crying. Caitlyn eventually joined us, and she was the rock we clung to during our grief-stricken storm. She found us huddled at a table together, wiped a few tears from her eyes, and wrapped an arm around us both. “I’m sorry,” was all she whispered.

We watched him go into the ground the next morning. It was pissing rain and freezing cold. The water came down hard enough to sting my eyes. It melded with my tears and brought them down into the same dirt our father was lowered into.

To give the Undercity some credit: Vander was a popular guy. He was friendly to everyone, and helped nearly everybody out who needed it. A huge crowd gathered near his gravesite. Several people chipped in to help pay for the burial. It was the first time I ever met Silco in person – he stood behind everybody else, not saying a word. When it came time to say goodbye, he just nodded politely at us.

Afterwards, Caitlyn, Vi and myself spent one final night at the Last Drop. There was no way we could keep the place – Vi was old enough to run it, but we lacked the funds to pay for things like upkeep or property taxes. She planned to move in with Caitlyn the next day. I was still allowed to join them at the time, but I only did so sparingly. Like I said, I’m not easy to live with.

“I’m gonna go get us something to eat,” Vi announced as she locked the door behind her. She had left me and Caitlyn alone, no doubt leaving so she could grieve without us seeing her. Vi tends to hold pain in like that – she does not let anybody see her injured. If she gets hurt physically, she just mops up the blood and keeps moving. If it’s emotional, she walks off into the horizon or hits the gym until her head clears.

I poured a couple drinks while Caitlyn watched. She frowned as I made one for myself, but she still took her own beverage without complaint. “You’re not old enough for that,” she pointed out.

“My dad’s dead,” I retorted. “Cut me some slack, Caitlyn.”

I so rarely used her first name. I always used nicknames, just to rile her up. Whatever she was going to fire back with, the use of her actual given name made her shut her mouth without a response.

I took in her appearance when I sat down again. Even in funeral attire, Caitlyn Kiramman was a remarkable sight. Her legs were concealed by dark blue pants, but her black blouse showed a small triangle of skin near her collarbone. I wanted to run my tongue across it. I withheld the urge to do so.

“Powder.” I realized with a start that she was looking directly at me. I hadn’t noticed her seeing me check her out. I met her eyes, but then cowardly looked away.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I took a sip of my drink. She did the same, her vision never wavering.

“We need to talk.” Well, if those aren’t ever the most anxiety-inducing words on the whole planet.

“What about?” At that point, I truly did not know. Was it about Vander? Vi? The Last Drop being sold?

“You,” she clarified. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me.”

The alcohol was starting to affect my brain. There was no way she just said that. “So?” I replied. “You’re hot. Vi says so all the time. Even a blind guy would notice it.”

She shook her head. “I am aware,” she said it with a soft smile. “But that’s not the point. It’s okay to have a crush, Powder. But-“

I didn’t let her finish. I should have. Because what I did next was the honest-to-fuck worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. Worse than stealing. Worse than the drugs. Worse even than the cheating.

Stupidly, I leaned across the table and held her wrist in my hand. I used my other to pull her closer and tried to fucking kiss her.

Caitlyn didn’t hit me, although maybe she should have. Instead, she shoved me back into my chair. “What the fuck?” she stood up, knocking her own chair over behind her.

I was blushing so deeply that my skin practically burned. “I thought you wanted it.” My tone was petulant sounding. I hated my voice right then. It was a little kid’s voice.

“No!” she shouted. “Fuck, Powder, is that what you thought? That I wanted you to kiss me?”

I nodded and regretted it. “Powder,” she sounded miserable. The disappointment in her tone was awful to hear. “I do not have feelings for you. At all. I am in love with your sister-“ I hated Vi then, for a brief second “-and not with you. Am I clear?”

“Why not?” I couldn’t seem to help sounding like such a dumbass. I don’t remember what my arms were doing at the time, and I’m deeply afraid that I had them crossed over my chest in a pout. “Why don’t you love me?”

She sighed. “It’s not that I don’t love you,” she replied. “Just not like that.”

I went from hating my sister to hating Caitlyn instead. “Well then,” I was trying to make myself sound more collected and was failing by the minute. “I hope you’re happy. Fuck you, cunt.” I kicked the table in her direction angrily. She caught it smoothly, but she was still boxed in and unable to free herself when I marched out the door.

The rain had lessened somewhat, but it still made for a long, cold journey in the dark.

Two days later, I ended up at Silco’s. A few months after that, and I was fucking him on the regular.

A little more than two years after that, and I was baking bread in my sister’s apartment when everything went ass over teakettle.

I found her by accident. A full day of searching and worrying and having to meet up with two of my exes, and I just stumbled across her. Luck does not smile upon me very often, but it did that day.

I broke into the bar. It was closed up until nightfall. There was no one around to witness me tampering with the lock. I kicked the padlock away and stepped inside.

There was a needle on the floor, which was weird. The Last Drop was more reputable than most, so having a random needle lying around was an odd sight. None of the windows were broken, so I know an addict didn’t just sneak in and shoot up.

I picked up the needle (I know, I know) and placed it on the bar. It was very dark inside the building, and my eyes were still trying to adjust.

Movement made me flinch closer to the door. I pressed my back against it, one hand going for my pilfered knife as the other grabbed the knob.

It was Caitlyn. She was tied to a chair just inside the back area. She was facing the doorframe and looking up at me pleadingly.

I removed the knife and crashed into the room. I shouted her name. I was so happy to see her. She looked dazed and pale, but didn’t seem to have any serious injuries.

She was gagged and bound by heavy rope, but they were no match for the serrated edge. Once freed, she embraced me gratefully.

“Holy shit,” I commented, laughing. “Vi’s been looking for you for days.”

Caitlyn didn’t speak right away. She wouldn’t let me go, either. She was weeping into my hair, which was frazzled from the long night.

“Caitlyn?” I was puzzled. What had happened to her?

“We have to leave.” She collected herself then. “Marcus could be back any minute.”

I did not need much more encouragement than that. “Let’s go.” I took her hand – she was still crying, but she was able to follow me through the darkened interior.

The cold metal of a gun barrel met my temple.

“Where are you going?” A male voice asked calmly. “That’s my girl you’re stealing.”

Marcus knocked the knife from my hand. When I reached for my screwdriver, he used the butt of the gun to drop me like a stone. My last coherent memory was Caitlyn’s scream and the shuffling of feet as he chased her back into confinement.

Chapter Text

I woke up to find myself tied to one of the set-in cabinets behind the bar. It was used to store ice and the handle had a sturdy lock on it. A familiar-looking rope held my arm firmly to it.

Vi’s the powerhouse. She has a heart of gold and impressive upper body strength. I’m not a fighter, if you can believe that. I like guns, and I can use them well enough. But an actual brawl? No thank you. Talk to my sister for that kind of thing.

So even as I jerked my arm back and forth to try and loosen the knot, I knew it was pointless. Without something sharp in my hand, there was no way I could free myself.

Hearing Caitlyn cry out brought me fully back to my senses. I managed to turn slightly, twisting my arm in the process. She was locked in the back room, although I didn’t think Marcus had tied her up again. I could hear him shouting at her, but thankfully no gunshots.

“Caitlyn!” I called to her. “It’s gonna be okay!” I needed her to get free of him, to escape. It was obvious that she could not get away, though. Her body thumped against the door. The sound made me flinch.

I was terribly, terribly frightened that he’d killed her. That I no more than cut her loose and now she was dead. And it was all my fault. If I had looked around more carefully, I would have noticed him hiding. Instead, I acted like my usual stupid impulsive self and just charged right in.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened. I couldn’t see Caitlyn, but I heard her moan faintly. She was still alive. Good.

Marcus stepped over my body to stare into my eyes, and I was scared all over again.

“I would have thought,” he said. “That your sister would be joining us. That she would have arrived first.”

“Oh, she is,” I lied. “She’s on her way with your precious council buddies. They’re gonna have a field day when they get a load of this shit show.”

He smirked. “I have a lot of friends in higher places than you will ever reach,” he explained. “Even if they were to come right away, I would simply tell them that a deranged young woman had snapped and captured two decorated police officers.”

“Cassandra Kiramman knows who I am.” I aimed for a half-truth this time.

“And do you really think she will believe you?” Marcus cocked his head. “Who is the more reliable source? The well-respected Sheriff, or a mentally ill girl with a long rap sheet?”

He had me there. “Die in a fire,” I suggested.

He chuckled and walked back into the other room. I heard another thud, and Caitlyn’s desperate whimpering. “Quiet.” His voice was low, almost nonthreatening in tone. It was worse than if he had just shouted at her.

I stopped struggling, trying to think. My knife and screwdriver were gone. Caitlyn’s shotgun was back at home. My own competition pistol was at Sevika’s, somewhere.

The monkey bomb was suddenly heavy in my pocket. The problem was that it was on the same side as my tied-up arm, impossible to reach.

A small interlude about me: I can dislocate my shoulders at will. It costs me, however, and once you do it the first time, your arms are always kinda fucked.

But I did it then. Unable to get the right angle for the captured arm, I did it to my free one and flopped it onto my opposite hip. It was so hard to get the tendons in my hand to work again. Both arms ached, and my fingers on the dislocated side wouldn’t close.

It took a long moment, but finally, I was able to hook my middle digit around the string.

I screamed for Marcus, taunting him. He thundered back toward me as I pulled the trigger on the bomb. Without a timer, I had no idea how long until it went off.

“Up yours, asshole,” I spat. “Leave her alone.”

He rounded a kick to my midsection. My busted shoulder fell away, and I felt my ribs crack. I gasped for breath as he wound up for round two.

I began to laugh. I was going to die in almost exactly the same spot as my dad. Just under more tragic circumstances.

But at least I would be taking Marcus out with me.

“Shut the fuck up!” I grinned at him. I wanted his full attention. If he went back toward Caitlyn, then my dumb idea wasn’t going to work.

“I’ll shut up,” I hissed. “When you tell me what your plan was.”

I half-expected him to refuse to explain himself. But it was clear he wanted someone to know his story. I decided to keep my mouth shut and play therapist while he monologued.

He had been lusting after Caitlyn for years. As soon as she was out of the academy and working under him. He had tried to drop little hints here and there, all without her noticing.

“I followed her home,” he growled. “And found her with the other one. The girl.”

“My sister.” He nodded, and I lifted my lips in a snarl. I didn’t want him to get any ideas about going after Vi next.

“They were-“ he almost didn’t finish his sentence. “Kissing! In public!”

I wanted to shrug. “Yup,” I drawled. “Gay people can do that now. It’s perfectly legal.”

“That’s not the point.” He drew closer to my face. If he’d been paying attention, he would have heard the telltale ticking coming from my pocket.

“The point,” it was his turn to snarl. “Was that my Caitlyn had been taken away from me!”

“She was never yours.” I laughed again. “I’ve been placing my heart in her hands for years, douchebag. If she doesn’t want me, then she definitely does not want you.”

He swung to kick me again, but settled for stomping on my stomach instead. The bomb detonated with the impact.

I am a bad person, I recognize that. Most people recognize that, in fact. I have done so many godforsaken things in my life. Some of them I did drunk or high, so I don’t really remember them clearly. Others, though, I did stone-cold sober.

Before I was Jinx, I was Powder. I changed my name when I started selling drugs. It was easier to hide beneath an alias. The moniker came out of my mouth the instant I thought of it. Over time, I found the title to be more and more realistic. I really am a Jinx. Everyone who ends up in my social circle has something bad happen to them, and it’s always my fault.

Killing Marcus was the only time that being me worked out in my favor.

Chapter Text

Shock is a fascinating method of time travel in my opinion.

I have no memory at all of the explosion that took Marcus’s life and almost eliminated me in the process. The last image in my head is of his boot headed towards my middle. I don’t even remember the sensation of it landing.

When I awoke, I was in a sterile room. The beige walls and white bed sheet covering me were more disgusting than anything I have ever witnessed.

“Ugh.” That was the first thing out of my mouth.

Something stirred not far from where I was laying, and I started at the sound. I whipped my head, which made the edges of my vision get dark again. After a few seconds of trying to convince my vision to focus, I realized that Caitlyn was in the bed next to me.

She was lying on her side, her dark hair limp across her bare shoulder. She was pallid in color, except for her black eye. She was sound asleep.

I wanted to know the extent of her injuries, but I also didn’t want to wake her up. I wasn’t really sure how long Marcus had held her captive, but my best guess was the full three days she was missing.

As my body roused itself, I took stock of my own injuries instead. Breathing hurt like a motherfucker – no doubt my ribs were broken. I could feel my swollen cheek from Sky’s haymaker. My head pounded from getting tossed around a whole bunch.

But something about me was…different. Wrong. Not wrong like my whole existence, but wrong like something had gone missing. I felt lighter, but also kind of itchy. Empty. I’m not making any sense here, sorry.

I looked down cautiously, and finally noticed one of my legs was gone.

I wished desperately that Caitlyn was awake, so that I could make the funniest joke I have ever made in my life.

“Caitlyn!” I wanted to say. “Somebody came in the night and stole Old Righty! Quick, we gotta find it!”

But instead it was just me, all by myself, staring at the stump where the majority of my leg had once been. It was a lot less hilarious and a lot more depressing to be looking at it all alone.

The weirdest part was that the leg hurt. Yeah, Old Righty felt like it was still there, still attached. I touched the bandage covering the remainder of my thigh, and my hip twitched with recognition. A little bit of blood was seeping into the bandage, but it didn’t look too fresh.

I felt a little more put-together as time went on. I didn’t want to close my eyes anymore, so I settled for gazing around the room. Caitlyn and I were unmistakably at a hospital, but how we got there I couldn’t tell. She slept peacefully as I examined our surroundings.

The lighting in the room was dim, but there were still a couple of ceiling lights turned on. Probably so that the nurses could still see. My bed was the closest to the windows, which had their blinds drawn. It was pitch black outside of them.

There was an IV needle sticking out of my arm, but not Caitlyn’s. I suspected she was in better shape than me, if for no other reason than she had twice as many legs as I did. I watched her sleep for a while, until there was a knock at the door.

I absolutely hate it when somebody knocks and then bursts in anyway. For the same price tag, you could just let yourself in without the horseshit formality. This is why I just do some B&E instead of asking to be let in. I’m not a vampire, I don’t need an invitation.

The door opened to reveal the shortest man I have ever seen. He waddled into the room and raised his eyebrows at me.

“Oh!” he exclaimed. “You are awake! Good evening; er, good morning, I suppose.”

I could not help myself. “Aren’t you supposed to be banging Snow White right about now?”

His eyebrows came together. “I am Dr. Heimerdinger,” he stated slowly. He didn’t answer my question. “You are at the hospital.”

“Yeah, no shit.” I gestured towards Caitlyn. “Is she going to be alright?”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, yes, of course,” he replied. “Miss Kiramman is almost ready to be discharged. Unfortunately, Miss Powder-“

“It’s Jinx,” I corrected him.

“-Miss Jinx, you will be remaining here for quite a while. Your injuries are extensive. As you have probably already discovered, your leg was hurt quite badly and had to be surgically removed.”

“How long?” I asked. I remembered all too well the promise I had made to Silco. Two weeks. That was all I had. Depending on how long I’d been out, I may only have twelve or thirteen days left.

“The residual limb needs time to heal,” Heimerdinger explained. “It will be at least two months until you are able to be discharged.”

“Months?” I sat up. Caitlyn shifted her weight, but didn’t open her eyes. I tried to keep my voice down, but panic was setting in. “I don’t have that long. I have to be out of here ASAP.”

The doctor gave me a critical look. “You will need rehabilitation,” he pointed out. “And to be fitted for a prosthetic. You will not be going anywhere, anytime soon.”

“I just started a new job,” I lied. “I promised my boss I would be ready in a couple weeks.”

His expression didn’t change. “Your boss will certainly understand. Particularly once the council has released their statement on what you have done for Miss Kiramman here.”

“What?” My head swam. Nothing was adding up. “Why is the council releasing a statement about me? Am I being arrested?” Twenty-one long years of being a career criminal, and trying to save someone’s life is the thing that lands me in jail.

Heimerdinger chuckled. “No, no.” He pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “They are going to be speaking with the press about everything you did to save Cassandra’s daughter. I spoke to her myself just yesterday afternoon, once you had both been brought in.”

I stared at him blankly. “You are a hero, Miss Jinx.” He smiled at me.

“No.” I tried to scramble out of the bed, but then remembered that I couldn’t walk anymore. I scooted to the edge, trying to get away from him. Away from his patient, kind smile.

“No,” I repeated. “I am getting the hell out of here. I’m not going to do this.” I didn’t even know what “this” was. I just wanted to escape.

Heimerdinger was frowning then. “Your family is here,” was all he said. “I will let them in now.” He turned and left the room. I watched him go, my heart clawing its way out of my chest with fright. Anxiety made me almost willing to throw myself out of the window. If it even opened at all.

I calmed once Vi stepped in. “Powder,” she gasped. “Oh, Powder!” She threw herself onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me. She sobbed openly, unashamedly. I hugged her back uncertainly. “Get me out of here,” I begged.

She laughed and kissed my forehead. “Your leg is gone,” she said. “You gotta stay here for a while. I’m gonna visit you every day, okay?”

I tried to shake my head, but it was difficult with her leaning on me. “You’re squashing me,” I complained. Vi laughed again and flopped onto my other side. She lay next to me for a few minutes, just taking me in and telling me everything that had happened.

She’d been interrogated by the council for hours. Caitlyn’s mother initially assumed that either me or Vi had something to do with her daughter’s disappearance. Then Silco’s witness got arrested. They fessed up immediately, telling them all about Marcus taking Caitlyn away. “Nobody really believed it,” Vi explained. “Until one of Caitlyn’s partners started talking.”

The partner had admitted to aiding Marcus with fabricating the investigation she was supposed to look into. They had traveled with Caitlyn to the Undercity, then abandoned her before Marcus attacked.

“I should have known that creep would try something to get me alone.” Caitlyn’s voice made both me and Vi jump. We hadn’t noticed her waking. Vi sat up and we both saw her staring at us.

“Cupcake.” Vi was crying again. She clambered off my bed and embraced her girlfriend. They pressed their lips together repeatedly. I closed my eyes politely. I felt like I was intruding. I was shocked to find that I was not jealous of my sister at all. Maybe I just didn’t have the energy for it.

“Jinx.” Caitlyn called to me once they were done being lovey-dovey with each other. I opened my eyes and looked at her. “Thank you. I will never be able to repay you for doing this.”

I shrugged. My shoulder was kind of jacked up from its recent dislocation. It made me wince in pain. “No biggie. I was in the neighborhood.”

“Bullshit.” Vi was grinning. “I would never have found you if it wasn’t for my baby sister.” She kissed Caitlyn again.

A thought occurred to me. “Wait,” I began. “That doctor said ‘my family.’ Who else is here, Vi?”

The door flung open as if on cue. Jayce, Viktor, and Ekko piled in, although Viktor understandably hung back a little. They all took turns grabbing Caitlyn and Vi and hugging and cheering and generally making a shit ton of noise. Ekko released Vi to sit on the edge of my bed.

I was starting to feel like I wanted to sleep again. I managed to lean back against my pillow and meet Ekko’s eyes. “Morning,” I told him.

“Jinx,” he replied. His mouth was somber, but his eyes twinkled. He was excited to see me. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

I didn’t answer him. I just smiled a little and shut my eyes, willing myself back to sleep. I listened distantly to the sounds of Jayce and Vi talking over each other while Caitlyn and Viktor tried to get them both to shut up. Right before I dozed off, I felt Ekko pat my remaining leg. Then I felt his weight leave the mattress, and the darkness took me back.

Chapter Text

I should have known that Silco would wait until I was alone to find me.

Caitlyn had long since been sent home – she also had broken ribs and a concussion, but was otherwise better off than I was. She had also been very dehydrated, but after a few days of IV fluids she was ready to be picked up. Vi came and got her in their shared vehicle.

I wasn’t left alone very often once she was gone – my sister stayed true to her word. She visited me every single day, sometimes twice when she could manage it. Sometimes Caitlyn would come with her.

Caitlyn was a lot more affectionate than she had been before she’d been captured. She usually kept me at arm’s length, which was fair. But now she would hug me immediately, or play with my braids, squeeze my arm, etc. It was nice.

I knew it wouldn’t last, though.

I got interviewed by a lot of people. First it was a few council members, then the police, then the press. I got my photo taken about fifty times over the next month.

Jayce and Viktor stopped in twice more. Ekko never came back, but in all honesty he’s a busy guy and we are long since broken up. It wasn’t him who I had saved. He owed me nothing.

But I still owed Silco. Watching those two weeks count down, followed by two more, made my anxiety skyrocket. Knowing he would be coming for me was like watching the timer on a bomb. Tick tock, tick tock.

I was asleep when he came into my room. I’d been moved to a private one, seeing as how I had so many visitors. It was dead quiet throughout the floor I was on. The door never so much as creaked.

I squirmed into wakefulness, feeling like I was being watched. I opened my eyes, and he was sitting on the mattress. His posture was identical to what Ekko’s had been when he had been in the same spot.

I tried very hard to control my breathing. Showing Silco how afraid I was would do me no favors. I sighed deeply, trying to make it seem like I was more annoyed than frightened.

“Hiya,” I greeted him. “Do you know how hard it is to walk to your place when I’ve only got one leg?”

“Good evening, Jinx,” he replied. “I was informed of the nature of your injuries through the news broadcast.”

“Fuck!” I groaned. “I was on the news?!” The last thing I needed was every enemy I’ve ever had knowing exactly where I was located. I prayed Vi had used my actual name and not my dead one.

Silco nodded solemnly. “I decided to give you some extra time.” (“How generous,” I commented.) “But I am afraid that it is time for me to cash in on our little bargain.”

“Ah,” I answered. My heart was pounding. Hopefully he couldn’t hear it, but I would not put it past the old bastard. “And how do you suppose you’re going to get me out of here?”

He slid off the bed. “That is a simple enough problem to remedy,” he replied. I jerked away when he scooped his arms beneath my body.

“You can’t just kidnap me like that,” I pointed out. “The nurses will freak.”

“The nurses have me listed as your primary caregiver,” he responded. He tried again to carry me and succeeded. I thought about biting him into dropping me, but decided against it. There was no way he hadn’t planned this out.

He confirmed my suspicions as he continued. “The staff were…easy enough to bribe. This facility does not pay them very well.”

So I was completely fucked then. I tried to ignore the sensation of his hand under my ass as he carted me out into the hallway. It was much brighter out there – the harsh lights made me shut my eyes reflexively.

One of the nurses appeared graciously with a wheelchair. “She has to come back in three more weeks,” she informed Silco. “For her prosthesis.”

Silco nodded and thanked her. A few more nurses waved as we went into the elevator. I didn’t wave back to them. I would say they betrayed me, but I don’t exactly trust anyone in the first place.

Neither Silco nor I spoke as we headed down into the parking garage. I considered my situation as he wheeled me towards an SUV with dark tinted windows. Some nameless guard of his held the backseat door open. Silco parked the wheelchair in front of him, and the new guy picked me and hauled me onto the seat.

The motion made me feel sick. I successfully prevented myself from tumbling to the floor by bracing my hands against the driver’s side seat. The air left my lungs in a “whuff” when my form hit the leather. I looked down at my arms – I was shaking. I didn’t know if Silco or his goon had noticed.

The other guy drove as Silco sat beside him. “So,” I began. “Seeing as how I’m a lame duck these days, what exactly is it you mean for me to do for work? I can’t examine your shit if I can’t even walk down to the factory floor.”

I heard the smirk in Silco’s voice. “You are still useful to me,” he promised. “Physically.”

I kept my mouth shut after that. My skin was crawling. I was just going to be a fuck toy to him. Only now I couldn’t even go into my own bedroom when he was sick of me.

I got hoisted out of the car again once we’d stopped moving. It was Silco’s turn to get the door as I was carried into the factory and up to his office. I was plopped into a chair he had acquired from an unknown source. “Wait here,” he commanded as he left me alone in the room.

I thought about crawling. I thought about just screaming myself hoarse, hoping somebody on the street would hear me. I took the opportunity to feel sorry for myself and cry for a bit. I wanted my sister. I wanted Vander. Caitlyn. Ekko. Anyone who cared about me at all.

I was dry-eyed again when Silco returned. He had procured fresh bandages and some painkillers. “You are in charge of your own dressings,” he notified me. “Once you are presentable, I will have someone come and bring you to my chamber.”

I couldn’t help the disgusted face I made. Silco didn’t comment on it. He just left me once more.

I unwrapped the bandage on my stump and grabbed the bottle of meds. Shaking two pills out, I swallowed them dry and set to work on getting changed up. Wanting to be slightly more on control of my situation, I dropped the used, bloody bandages on the carpeted floor. It was childish, but it made me feel better.

Silco appeared when I called out. He eyed the pile of dressings on the carpet, before sighing and sitting in his office chair.

“Until your prosthesis has been secured,” he intoned. “You will remain as my…companion, for now. Then we can discuss the remainder of your debt to me. You will not be paid for any work you perform once you can walk again. In a year’s time, we can review the possibility of you having more freedom.”

A year. Twelve months of him being allowed to fuck me without necessarily needing my consent. Not to mention being dragged from place to place as I did all his grunt work.

“You know,” I said. “All I asked you for was a little intel. I didn’t even want money.”

“You are correct,” he replied. “But it does not matter now. You agreed to come back to me, and so now you belong to me. You should have bargained.”

“Well fuck me for not thinking things through!” I snapped. My amputation throbbed. It still felt a tiny bit like my leg was still there. “I was desperate, you douchebag. And you took advantage of that.”

“I agree,” he responded smilingly. “Your impulsiveness has truly worked in to my own benefit. As it stands-“

His skull tuliped outwards. Brain matter and blood splatted across his desk and misted over my skin. I stared uncomprehendingly as his headless body slumped forward.

There was a peaceful beat where nothing happened. Then Caitlyn put the safety back on her rifle, and stepped quietly into the room.

“Not bad,” she said as she admired Silco’s now blood-covered office. “I would have thought he’d see the barrel poking around the corner.”

Chapter Text

I was getting so fucking sick of being carried.

Caitlyn put away her rifle as Vi scooped me into her arms. She cried the entire trip out to the car, which is the most I have ever seen her cry in my entire life.

In addition to Silco’s death, there were injured bodies all around us. Some of them were moving, groaning with the pain of either having been shot or otherwise assaulted. There were also very much alive and unharmed police officers – people Caitlyn knew, people who didn’t turn their backs and sell her out to Marcus.

The next few weeks were hell for me. There was the transfer trip to a different hospital, one with better security. Then there were visitors, again from the council as well as the press. I hated being interviewed. I hated being asked so many fucking questions.

“Where are your parents?” “Dead.”

“Where is your boyfriend?” “You tell me toots. I’m not hiding him under the bed.”

“Why did you choose to rescue Caitlyn Kiramman?” “She’s my friend.”

Then there was the rehab process. I am now in possession of an artificial leg, which admittedly is very cool. But it took months for me to get used to it. For my efforts, Cassandra Kiramman put me up in a fancy-pants facility for people with complex physical trauma, like myself. I liked the swimming pool and my physical therapist, but I hated everything about it once the lights were off and I was lying alone in my bed.

The nightmares waited a long time to show up. Once they did, there was no stopping them.

Caitlyn, dead on the floor of the Last Drop. Lying beside my father. Both of their blank faces gazing lifelessly up at me, unblinking and cold.

Vi saying she hated me, that she was selling me to Silco for a pretty penny. Seeing him show up to bring me back again.

Myself, waking up in the middle of a dream. Finding that both my legs were gone. And my arms. Finding brain matter all over my clothes. Trying to scrape it off and have more just keep showing up.

I eventually gave in and mentioned it to the physical therapy guy. He brought in somebody else, who talked to another person. That other person turned out to be a counselor, who sat with me after my PT appointments and talked to me about everything that happened.

They also called Vi, which I sort of hated them for. Vi and Caitlyn visited all the time, but they couldn’t stay overnight. And nighttime was the hardest for me.

The counselor said that once I was up and running (ha ha) that I should definitely move in with them. They talked about stuff like having “a good support system” and “something to keep her occupied.”

Vi and Caitlyn didn’t really give me any personal space the first couple nights after I moved in. I went from feeling alone and exhausted in the hospital to being looked after 24/7 and itching to get up and do something that wasn’t staring at the four walls of my sister’s apartment.

The first night I was home, Vi came into my room not long after we’d all gone to bed. Another thing I don’t care for – because I had to rely on both of them for help, I was forced to live with their schedule. Sleeping eight full hours is not good for me, I swear to fuck.

“Pow…Jinx?” Vi correcting herself made me open my eyes and acknowledge her. “What’s up?” I offered, trying to pretend that I hadn’t actually been about to doze off.

She didn’t answer me. She shoved me into the middle of the mattress (I was gifted my own room! That I could decorate however I wanted!) and lay down beside me, curling up onto her side.

“This is just temporary,” she told me as she pulled the blankets over both of us. “I just…can’t do it. Can’t go another night without knowing you’re okay.”

“But I am okay,” I tried to reassure her. It was a partial truth – the PT and behavioral health stuff was really doing the trick. I’d actually been looking into getting my GED, something Caitlyn was excited to start helping me study for. It meant I had to pay attention, but at least it was something to alleviate the boredom.

Two breaths after Vi settled in, and Caitlyn joined us. She tucked herself in behind me. It was eerily reminiscent of when she’d caught me hungover and naked with the two one-night stands. But when I woke up the next morning, I felt so, so safe. Vi kept to her side of the bed, but Caitlyn hadn’t. She’d migrated closer to me, eventually wrapping her arm around my waist and holding me a little too tightly. I woke up before either of them to feeling like my ribs were about to be re-fractured.

For a brief moment, I entertained my old fantasy of pretending Caitlyn was my girlfriend. It was a load of bullshit, obviously. In her sleep, she’d probably just mistaken me for Vi. She would wake up later and realize her mistake, before shifting away and creating some distance between us. I just kept my eyes closed for a second, letting my body relax against her.

Lying in the early morning, I realized it was the first time in months that I hadn’t had any nightmares. It made me feel like I really was going to be alright, in the end.

~Flash Forward~

I’m standing in the cool river that flows right outside the city. I am holding a pair of scissors in one hand, and both of my braids in the other.

The cut is quick and clean for each of them. I toss them onto the riverbank – I’ll collect them after. I dunk my head beneath the water, losing myself in the sounds of the current, some nearby frogs, and the far-away traffic from the road.

I shake my hair out when I resurface. The short bob just about touches my chin. I’ll worry about shaping it later. For now, I wait for the water to settle so I can get a good look at my new haircut. I like it instantly. I lightly touch the back of my neck, and notice that it’s cold. Something I’ll have to get used to; I suppose.

I have to get back to the bus stop. Caitlyn and Vi had wanted to drive me, but I’d refused. I wanted to make the trip out here myself, to have one last moment of peace before starting college.

I’d gotten my GED. Then I applied to schools. Looked into Physical Therapist programs. Looked into student loans. I got accepted into a university the next city over. I moved in a week. Vi was going to help me pack when I returned home.

I’d never really apologized to Caitlyn after the time I had tried to kiss her. One afternoon, while baking bread as she watched, I decided to open my mouth and say something about it.

“I’m sorry,” I admitted. “I was horrible for trying to kiss you like that. I’ll never do anything like that again.”

Caitlyn blinked at me. “Oh,” she said softly. “I forgive you. You were just a scared kid then.”

I smirked as I kneaded the dough. “How about now?” I asked, feeling raw inside.

She took the question seriously. “You’re still scared,” she replied after a while. “But you’re certainly not a kid anymore.”

I thought she would try to hug me. Her body language suggested that she had considered it – she moved away from the countertop, her arms hanging down by her sides instead of crossed over her chest. But she didn’t touch me. She went past me and opened the oven door. I nodded in thanks and slid the bread into it.

“You know,” she began. Caitlyn wouldn’t look at me – she gazed hard at the lump of dough heating up inside the oven. “In another universe, it would have been you, I think.”

“What?” I cocked my head. I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Me and you,” Caitlyn clarified. “Together. If I was a little younger, or you were a little older. I still remember the day you caught Mel’s punch. You were so protective of me, just like Vi. It was charming, even though you were still a child.”

I wanted to flee from the room. Screaming at the top of my lungs as I sprinted out the door, hoping that as I ran into the street I would get clipped by a semi-truck and killed.

But I took a deep, if unsteady, breath, and replied:

“I am too much of a wild animal for you. No matter how many times you feed me by hand, I’m always gonna look towards the forest.”

Caitlyn was somewhat puzzled by my statement, but she nodded in agreement. “I know,” she almost whispered. “And I love Vi. So do you.”

“That’s why I won’t act on it,” I confirmed. “Or, at least, never again.”

Then she did move to hug me. My heart fluttered, but I permitted her to embrace me without screaming or shoving her away.

When it was over, I said:

“I’m always gonna love you, Caitlyn. But it was never going to work out between us.”

Then I took out the bread, laid it out to cool, and headed for the bus stop. It was time for a trip to the river.