Chapter Text
Fighting through the haze of heavy-duty sedatives is just as awful now as it was the first two times he’s done it, but he does it anyway.
He does, because he can hear the murmured voices of those he loves the most on the other side.
“C’mon guys, your dad wouldn’t want you guys sitting in this room all day, watching him sleep,” he hears Buck say, the warmth of his voice wrapping around Eddie like a heated blanket, helping to chase away some of the chill ever-present in hospital rooms. “Besides, Pepa is here, she’s going to keep him company for the rest of the day, and we still have plans to meet Elena for dinner. We can come back tomorrow if you guys want,” he promises, hearing the grumblings of two teenagers.
He tries to say something, but no words come out, just a creaky, broken kind of groan, followed by a cough as he pries his eyes open, feeling the effects of the buildup of sleep in his eyes and the ache in his body from being asleep so long.
“Dad?”
“Eddie?!”
Three voices overlap as footsteps come rushing back to his side, and he smiles when he sees Chris and Alex both beside his bed. “Hey guys.”
Chris is the first to lean over and hug him, gentling at the last second when Buck calls for him to be “Easy, Superman, your dad’s still pretty busted up”, and Alex quickly takes his place once he moves.
“I’m so glad you’re awake, Dad,” she whispers, and Eddie’s eyes flutter closed, hearing the name awake for the first time, and it sounds even better than it did before.
“I’m glad I’m awake too. I’m sorry I missed your trip.” Alex chuckles wetly, leaning her head against his good shoulder. “I’ve still got a few days left out here, and so does Mom. We can hang out more now, since you’re awake.”
Eddie grins, but feels the siren song of sleep again, and knows he should probably be checked out before he falls asleep again, remembering the battery of tests he had to go through after he woke up from the shooting.
He’s unsurprised when a group of nurses and doctors file into the room, Buck trailing behind them and giving him a nod as he ushers the kids out. “C'mon, let’s get out of the way of the doctors, we can call and let everyone know he’s awake and then come back in once they’re done.”
Eddie feels desperate as Buck disappears from his view, the gaggle of scrubs and lab coats filling his eyesight, but he goes along with it - answers all their questions and holds still while they check him over, knowing that the sooner they get out, the sooner he gets Buck and his kids back.
It’s an exhausting 15 minutes, but eventually, they do filter out of the room, and it’s only a few minutes before Chris and Alex are back. They perch on the chairs beside his bed and fill him in on everything they’ve done in the week that he’s apparently been asleep.
It hurts a little to hear about everything that they’d gotten to do without him, but he refuses to settle too much into that feeling. The only other alternative would be for everyone to sit home and do nothing the entire time he was asleep, and he definitely doesn’t want that.
Besides, he survived; that means he has time to make up for those memories that he missed out on, and that’s what he’s going to focus on now.
It gets harder to keep his eyes open, despite how badly he wants to sit and listen to their seemingly endless stories and hear about everything he’d missed.
He dozes off before he realizes it, only rousing when there’s a large shuffle through the door and greetings that are loudly whispered.
“He fell asleep a little bit ago.” Alex shares, and he recognizes Buck’s hum.
“That’s okay, his body is using up a lot of energy to heal, so he’ll be in and out of it for a while, probably.”
“In the meantime-” That’s Elena’s voice this time. “I grabbed some food on my way in, so let’s get that all sorted out, because I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.”
Murmurs of agreement reach his ears, and he smiles, heart warming at his family - as unconventional as it is - gathering around and spending time together for dinner, even if it doesn’t look exactly like what most people think of when they hear the words, “family dinner.”
Eddie pries his eyes open for a second time that day, feeling a little bit better rested than he did the first time, and he smiles when they automatically land on Buck, who’s listening raptly to the ideas Chris has for the rest of the time Alex and Elena are apparently in town for.
When blue eyes drift to him after a few seconds, they brighten considerably when he realizes that he’s awake, placing a hand on Chris shoulder and tilting his chin towards Eddie. “Hi, Sleeping Beauty,” he teases, but it sounds far too soft to be truly jesting.
“Hey Buck,” he whispers back, unable to deny anymore exactly how besotted he feels when he has his partner's full attention on him. There’s no mistaking the affection in his voice, and Buck grins wider about it.
“Hi, Eddie. It’s good to see you awake,” Elena says softly, drawing his attention away from the staring contest he’d fallen into with Buck, and he smiles at her, reaching out when she makes her way to his side and squeezes his hand.
He sits by and lets the conversations flow around him, contributing when he can and enjoying the voices that wash over him when he has nothing to add.
His aunt shows up soon after everyone finishes eating, and she holds his hand and fusses over him, asking Buck a heap of questions, all of which he answers easily - obviously having spoken to the doctor while the kids kept him company - and Eddie relaxes further into the thin mattress beneath him.
It’s not all that comfortable, and the sheets are vaguely itchy, but he doesn’t have to worry about anything, because Buck has everything under control.
As the day grows later, eventually, everyone does have to leave, hugging him lightly before they do, promising that they’ll be back later.
When it’s Buck’s turn, Eddie clings to his shoulder and nuzzles into his broad shoulder, breathing in as much of his scent as he can, kicking himself for not realizing before what this feeling in his chest meant and feeling a little bit like an idiot.
Buck clings back to him just as long, resting his head on the pillow beside Eddie’s.
He’s right there.
So close, his lips are inches away from Eddie’s, close enough that he can feel his breath on his cheek and count all of his blonde eyelashes.
He’s helpless, leaning forward…
Buck stands up quickly, looking flushed and wide-eyed and guilty, but he doesn’t step away from the bed, and his hand still rests on Eddie’s bicep. “Uhm, -” He coughs, rubbing the back of his neck, eyes darting between Eddie and the wall. “I called Marisol earlier, to let her know you were awake. She said she’d stop in tomorrow, didn’t want to take too much time away from the kids today, so she and Bobby and them will probably be in and out all day.”
Oh.
Yeah, Eddie kind of forgot about his girlfriend, didn’t he?
Well, he should probably take care of that before he tries to kiss his best friend. Otherwise, that’d be kind of a dick move, and Marisol deserves better. It’s not her fault he fell in love with his best friend years ago, and he owes her an explanation.
Shit, Buck has a girlfriend too.
He’s not ready to think about the realities of that just yet.
“Hey,” he whispers, turning his arm to grasp onto Buck’s to draw his attention. “Thank you. For everything.”
One side of Buck’s lips turn up, pleased and sweet. “Y-yeah, of course, Eddie. Anything for you; you know that.”
Eddie grins and nods, begrudgingly letting go of his hold on Buck’s arm, but his eyes never leave him as he makes his way out of the room.
–
Hen visits him early the next morning, only staying for a few minutes and bullying him into agreeing that he’ll call if there’s anything she can do to help him while he heals, as well as promising to spend an evening at her and Karen’s once he’s a bit better.
She’s only been gone for about 15 minutes when there’s a knock on his door, Marisol’s head peeking over the threshold when he calls out for them to enter.
“Hey,” she greets hesitantly, taking a seat on the very edge of the chair by his bed, her spine uncomfortably straight, and he thinks that they’re actually on the same page for the first time in their entire relationship.
“Hey. Thanks for coming.” His own voice is awkwardly stilted, any ease they’d forged long gone under the harsh fluorescent lighting of this hospital room, and he wonders if it was ever really there in the first place, or if they were both just pretending so they wouldn’t be alone.
She smiles at him tightly, more of a grimace than anything. “Yeah, of course. I do- I do think that we need to talk, though.”
“Yeah, I- I think that would be good,” he agrees, readjusting in the bed to give her his full attention.
“I didn’t realize that Buck was in your will,” she shares, her words stopping him in his tracks because… what?
She must see the confusion on his face and in his rapidly blinking eyes, because she continues easily, telling him about how his parents apparently showed up to the hospital one day and ran into her, and then practically drug her back to the house, as well as the subsequent confrontation between Buck and his parents and her and the kids, and Eddie’s reeling a little bit because that sounds like an absolute disaster, and he can’t imagine how much worse it must have felt to be in it firsthand.
“It made me realize a couple things about our relationship,” she concludes once she finishes relaying the events of the afternoon. “I think we went into this looking for a partner, someone to help carry the heavy loads and be there for the good times, too. I just don’t think either of us realized you already had someone like that. Or, at least, I hope you didn’t know that and were just trying to like-”
Eddie shakes his head quickly, trying to assure her that he truly didn’t know, but he’s still healing from a not-insignificant brain injury, and that was way too much, too fast. It leaves him groaning in pain and resting back against the pillow, breathing deeply to find his way through the dizziness. The pain isn’t too bad - thanks to the heavy-duty drugs they’ve kept him on - but it still takes a second for the world to stop spinning.
Marisol’s hand is resting comfortingly on his forearm when it finally does, and he slowly turns to face her, reaching up to grab her hand and grasp her fingers. “No, I didn’t know it either, not until now. I didn’t realize his place in my life, or my- my own feelings, not until somebody really spelled it out for me. Which, given that I’m pretty sure it was a hallucination or something of my late wife is embarrassing,” he admits, still unsure of how much of that was real, and what was brought on by trauma. The brain can do some weird shit, and he’s more aware of that then most - being in the military and then as a first responder in LA, he’s seen all kinds of knots that brains weave themselves into to protect themselves.
She smiles sadly then, squeezing his fingers gently. “Well, we both do now, so I think there’s only really one thing we can do now, as much as I hate to do it while you’re still in the hospital.”
Eddie chuckles. “Eh, seems about right for us, given how we met,” he teases, and she smiles.
He can admit that he really does care about Marisol, and he wants nothing but happiness for her. He can just also finally admit that he’s not going to be the one who can give it to her.
“I hope you have a good life, Eddie,” she says, standing up, and he uses his grip on her hand to tug her down into a hug.
“You too, Marisol. You’re amazing, and you’re going to make somebody very happy someday,” he promises, and she’s grinning as she pulls away.
“Oh, I know,” she winks, drawing laughter out of him and then she’s gone, sweeping out of the door and out of his life, just as quietly as she’d entered it.
–
He finally gets to go home after another 3 days in the hospital, all of which he has a rotating door of guests - including his parents, which is an interesting discussion that gets cut short when Bobby and Athena arrive, steely-eyed and in uniform.
They go back to Texas soon after, still unhappy with the state of his will, but after he’d firmly told them he wasn’t going to change it, they knew they couldn’t change his mind.
Not yet at least. He’s not naive enough to think they’ve given up, but for now, they know there’s no swaying him.
He’s relegated to a wheelchair until his arm and leg heal enough, something that he makes his displeasure about very clear, but Buck, who’s behind him wheeling him out, only teases him about it, refusing to get pulled into his grumpiness, and even though he feels a little like an invalid, it is nice to be taken care of.
Even nicer when Buck easily manhandles him in out and out of the jeep and onto the couch once they get home. His cheeks are on fire, and he curses his body for the betrayal, hoping that Buck blames it on exertion and not the blood rushing to inappropriate places at the thought of him doing that in far different circumstances.
Being home is amazing, surrounded by Buck and Alex and Chris and Elena, all of whom give up their time and adventure to spend with him, and he feels so incredibly blessed to have the life that he does.
Of course, he doesn’t want them to stay by his side all the time, especially when he spends so much of it now resting, so Elena takes the kids out one afternoon so Christopher can show them around the Observatory - one of his favorite places, and somewhere he said they have to see before they go home in a couple days, which just leaves him and Buck at home.
He’s resting on the couch again while Buck cleans up from breakfast, and Eddie easily dozes off to the sound of steady and confident movement in the kitchen, some deeply possessive part of him pleased that Buck is so at home and familiar in his kitchen.
It’s like he belongs there.
He’s startled awake when a hand lands on his arm and shakes him awake slowly. “Hey, it’s time for your next round of meds,” Buck whispers, handing over the pills, and then the glass of water once Eddie pops them into his mouth.
“Thank you,” he murmurs back, eyes caught on the softness on Buck’s face as he smiles before something crosses his mind and leaves some of the lightness leaving his face.
“Yeah, of course, Eds; anything for you, you know that.” The words don’t quite match the tone, and Eddie narrows his gaze patiently, waiting for whatever it is that Buck needs to get off his chest next.
“You uh- if you want me to clear out, just let me know. I’ve been letting Elena stay at my loft instead of making her get a hotel, since I was here with Chris and Alex, and they’re going home on Monday, but if you want me to get out for a little bit, I can. I didn’t really ask if you wanted Marisol to help you do this stuff instead, I just kind of assumed, but I can-”
Buck is rambling, rubbing at the back of his neck and glancing between Eddie’s face and the other side of the couch, unable to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds before he’s looking away again, jittery and vaguely uncomfortable and incredibly silly.
“Buck,” Eddie finally says, cutting off the tangent and patting the cushion beside him, silently instructing him to sit.
He does, folding his limbs up beneath him like he’s trying to shield himself, but he doesn’t need to, not from Eddie.
“Hey, of course I wanted you to be the one here. You know there’s nobody I trust with Chris more than you, but you should also know by now that there’s also nobody I trust with me more than you either,” he tells him softly, melting at the surprised look in Buck’s eyes. “Also, I’m pretty sure my ex-girlfriend has better things to do than look after me,” he drops casually, watching Buck’s reaction closely.
He swallows heavily, mouth parting slightly even as his forehead furrows. “Ex? She hasn’t come over since you’ve been home, and I haven’t-” Buck cuts himself off, putting the pieces together. “Wait. Did she dump you in the hospital?!” He demands, looking outraged on Eddie’s behalf, fully preparing to jump into a tangent, but Eddie just smiles and squeezes his knee to cut it off before it can start.
“It was mutual, Buck; there’s no need to be offended on my behalf. In fact, I think she’d be right to be a little mad at me, given that I was dating her to fill a spot in my life that hasn’t actually had a vacancy in a long time.”
His voice is barely above a whisper, a sudden intimacy in the room as Buck sways towards him.
Of course, it’s that moment that he remembers Natalia, and he unhappily removes his hand. “If you want to get out of here though, I’d understand. I mean, I can’t imagine Natalia would be super pleased with you spending all of your time here and not with her,” he says with a pained smile, trying to joke, but it doesn’t quite land.
Buck’s hand snaps out and circles around his wrist gently, and then they’re hanging in the air, not touching anywhere other than their hands, but the anticipation in the room feels like a blanket draped over their shoulders.
“Yeah, she wasn’t,” Buck admits, not looking away from Eddie now, eyes so piercing that he might as well be looking at his soul. “She didn’t understand how I could drop whatever I was doing when Chris needed me, and she was not happy when she learned about the will.”
Eddie winces slightly, wanting to pull his hand away and apologize for putting Buck in that position, but there’s something in Buck’s blues, a sparkle or a light that has him holding his breath instead. “I’m sorry?” He says anyway, but it comes out flat, and Buck’s grin just grows.
“I’m not. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you guys, so when she threatened to walk away again, I helped her and told her not to come back.”
Eddie’s breath catches in his throat at that, the thought that Buck would break off a relationship with someone because he’d decided that he and Christopher were more important.
He’d always known that they were a priority in Buck’s life, but hearing it out loud in this context, he wonders if there’s a real chance here, a chance that they just might want the same thing; maybe they’ve always been on the same page, and that’s why it’s been so hard for them to make it work with anybody else.
Maybe they’ve both been trying to fill an already full space.
Buck’s next breath comes on shakily, and it’s only when Eddie feels it puff against his cheek that he realizes how close they are, having been moving towards each other slowly over the length of the conversation.
“Eddie,” Buck whispers, his name nearly a whine, and it sends a shiver wracking up Eddie’s spine. “Eddie, I want to kiss you right now, but if that’s not what you want, I need you to tell me, because I can’t mess this up, I can’t lose you and Chris, so you have to tell-”
Buck’s lips are soft beneath Eddie’s, a perfect fit between his own, still sweet from the waffles they had for breakfast. It’s slow, Buck’s tongue darting out to encourage his mouth to open before delving in, quickly and quietly consuming Eddie, the exact same way being with Buck has felt ever since that first day.
Eddie presses forward, intent on getting closer, completely forgetting about his injuries until he pulls on the stitches and hisses in pain against Buck’s mouth, who immediately pulls away and starts to fret over him, laying a hand on his shoulder and guiding him further back into the couch, worrying needlessly about popped sutures internal bleeding and sentences that don’t actually make sense until Eddie pulls him down and kisses him again.
“I’m okay,” he promises, between kisses before gesturing back to the couch and smiling when he drops down, cheeks flushed and lips red and slick, eyes dark and wide, and Eddie loves him so much.
He reaches out slowly, pulling at Buck’s hand and interlocking their fingers that fit together like they were made for it. Like they were made for each other.
“I love you,” he declares, looking away from their hands to find Buck’s eyes. “I think I have for a really long time, in all honesty, but I couldn’t see it. Maybe I wasn’t ready to see it, would be more accurate. I’m ready now though.” He rubs his thumb over the back of the hand clenched in his, smug at the shiver in Buck’s body from the motion. “There’s no way that you’d lose me; lose us. We’re family. There’s no way we’re letting you go.”
A tear falls down Buck’s face, and he leans over, cradling Eddie’s face with his free hand and kissing him sweetly.
“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time, Eds. Being with you is everything I’ve wanted for… well, pretty much since I met you,” he admits with a laugh, resting their foreheads together, and Eddie chuckles too, his chest bursting with light and a relief so strong that it’s overpowering.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I plan on keeping you,” Eddie murmurs, nuzzling his nose against Buck’s as his eyes flutter shut. Everything seems to settle inside him; all the anxiety and the nerves about realizing he’s in love and already built a life with his best friend fade away and he feels stable, like his feet are both planted firmly on the ground after not realizing he’d spent his entire life trying to remain upright during an earthquake.
He exhales heavily in relief, sagging against Buck, who takes his weight and adjusts automatically to let him rest without straining any of his injuries, because he somehow always knows what Eddie needs before he himself does.
The feeling of fingers sweeping through his hair and lightly scratching at his scalp - along with the hospital grade painkillers soaking into his veins - has him drifting gently into a peaceful sleep.
–
He heals slowly from his multitudes of damage from the accident, but Buck is by his side every step of the way. He coordinates with Pepa and Carla when he goes back to work to make sure that Eddie isn’t alone for too long, because even though he can take care of himself doesn’t mean he should always have to.
Alex and Elena go home, but they get a date set for Alex to come back so they can spend the time together that they missed out on this time, and their relationship only continues to grow the longer he’s in her life.
When Elena tells him on the phone one day that Alex is looking into colleges down in LA, he can’t contain the cheek-splitting grin that overtakes his face at the fact that his daughter is looking at places to be closer to him in the future.
He thinks all the time how it doesn’t feel like life could get any better, but then Buck moves in, and then Chris starts high school and loves it, and then Alex calls him, and they talk for hours on the phone, and he’s proven wrong every single time, because it keeps getting better.
Even when he and Buck have stupid fights because they’re tired or stressed, they never last long before they’re making up again, and then they make a trip back to Texas.
He goes back to Texas for Abuela’s 80th birthday and Buck is right by his side, hand securely in his, the engagement ring on his lovingly folded between Buck’s fingers, given to him on their last date night, because they agreed that being together was good, but committing to each other forever was even better.
For the first time that Eddie can remember, he’s hopeful for the future; even if there are bad days, maybe it won’t all be so bleak, because he’s enough. He’s enough just as he is, and he deserves to be happy, and he
wants
to be happy, and he’s
determined
to find that happiness in his life, no matter what.