Chapter Text
To put it simply, you were exhausted.
All you had been doing was trying, and it seemed the effects were becoming noticeable – not just to yourself, but to those around you. Mainly, Shenhe.
It was quiet in her kitchen, a heavy sort of quiet. Everything seemed heavier lately – it was such an effort to bring yourself to do things, to bring yourself to care. You were worthless, thoughts like this plagued your mind consistently, a festered wound left uncared for. It was rotting – corroding your brain. You were tired, tired of this life.
“Are you alright?” Shenhe’s voice brought you back to the present moment, away from your withered thoughts. You were quick to shake your head, even quicker to return back to making breakfast for the both of you. You didn’t want to burden her with your juvenile worries; that’s all they were. They weren’t harming anyone around you, so there was no reason to worry – not in your mind.
“Any plans for today?” You deter the subject away from yourself, eager not to linger on yourself. Shenhe paused with a hum before looking up at you.
“I’m meant to be meeting with the Traveler,” she told you with an affirming nod. “Do you? Have any plans, that is?”
“No,” you smile at her, looking back down at the mean you were preparing. Not anymore . You had wanted to spend the day with Shenhe, but who were you to get in the way of her premeditated plans? “I’ll probably just stay home.”
“Good, get some rest,” her stare was pointed. She always did make it feel like she could stare directly into your soul and dissect each and every emotion which lingered within it. “You need it.”
Your already strained smile fell as you nodded, placing her breakfast in front of you. A small “thank you” was murmured from across the table, but it remained unacknowledged on your part as you prod at your food. Your appetite had faded over the course of your short-lived conversation.
The silence only continued to grow heavier as Shenhe quickly ate her breakfast, clearing the plate before cleaning it and placing it back where it was pulled out from.
“I’ll be heading off now,” she called over her shoulder as she headed for the front door. You nod, verbally unresponsive. The plate before you remained piled with the food you had prepared, staring tauntingly back at you. Your eyes stung, the mound of food blurring.
“Have fun,” your voice cracked, but if Shenhe noticed, she made no comment as you heard the door open and shut behind you. A droplet dripped onto the food, swiftly off putting any of your appetite that may have remained. You couldn’t compare to the Traveler – that much you knew. They were kind, hard-working, selfishlessly giving. They were everything you weren’t. Acknowledging that didn’t ease the pain though. There was no reason why Shenhe shouldn’t prefer the Traveler’s company over your own. There was no way to justify the pain that clung to your ribs every time you saw the two of them – accompanied by Paimon – together. But, you would take what you were given. For now, Shenhe’s friendship was enough for you.