Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Akk sighed as he heard a moan- a woman, this time- come from the neighbors door. He was in the shower, and the falling water suddenly felt hotter. Sharper.

The moaning was near daily- his neighbor had a very active sex life. His neighbor's bedroom was up against his bathroom wall, meaning Akk's cabinets got rattled by the slamming bed frame on the other side.

Akk ran his tongue over his teeth, debating. He was exhausted but… a sharp whine from his neighbor's partner made the decision for him.

Akk’s core burned up and his clit almost felt like it hurt from how quick he got turned on- imagining his neighbor teasing him.

“Stay still.” Akk's neighbor's voice filtered through the thin wall. “Does it feel good?”

Akk's hand wandered between his thighs as he gently thumbed at his clit, a small pant leaving his lips. He leaned against the shower wall, hissing at the cold tile against his ass and back.

Akk focused on the noises on the other side of the wall- loud enough to drown out the pattering of the shower- he couldn't help but think about his neighbor. The slap of skin connecting made him quickly shove a finger into his cunt, clenching weakly around it.

“Good girl."

“Aye- Ayan- fuck!”

Despite the admittedly horrid dirty talk, Akk quickly started to stretch himself open. The shower water was making it hard to get anywhere, making his hands and cunt dry, and he glanced at the dildo kept in the shower with slight regret.

“So good for me, keep that up.” The neighbor's voice was a deep timbre and Akk attacked his clit again, rubbing soothing circles on it. He wished it was his neighbor's tongue, warm on his core and, fuck, Akk's knees feel weak.

Akk's head knocked against the shower wall and he whined loudly as he imagined his neighbor going down on him. There's no doubt in his mind that the two next door heard it, but there was no time to stop and think because his cunt was spasming around nothing. He used his free hand to stuff two fingers into himself and clenched down with a vice grip. His body was tense and his neighbor's moans roared through his ears as he came, clenching and unclenching rhymically around his fingers.

After a few seconds, Akk came down. He unfurled his toes and panted, resisting the urge to sit down right in the shower. “Fuck.” Akk groaned as he pulled his fingers out of himself, washing his hands in the still running water.

Akk stepped out of the shower quickly, sure his water bill was already high from how often this happened.

Akk stood in front of the mirror and wiped the fog away. He sighed at himself, and grabbed his tooth brush.

—----

Akk was annoyed.

Akk was annoyed because he had a meeting to go to at the crack ass of dawn- well really, eight in the morning. If he had his way he wouldn't get out of bed until noon.

Akk was annoyed because when he went to cook breakfast, he realised he forgot to do the dishes.

Akk was annoyed because when he went to his balcony that morning, his plants were dying.

Akk groaned as he touched the deep yellow leaves. What was he doing wrong? They had water and sunlight!

Akk spun his plotted and drooping flower around in a circle, checking for any critters, when he heard a door open.

He looked towards the sound and saw his neighbor, a tired expression on his face.

Wonder why he's so tired, Akk thought sarcastically to himself.

He had no shirt on, his thinner and nearly hairless build on display. A touch of stubble adorned his upper lip and chin, darkening certain spots. His hair was pushed back from his forehead, blowing into his face from the wind.

And he was wearing gray sweatpants. They hung low on his lips, and a small pink and sparkled pattern adorned the side.

Akk flushed. It was less that he could make out the size of his neighbor's crotch in them, but more that he knew he could.

Not that Akk was looking.

Akk glanced away from his neighbor. Between their two balconies was a tall wooden fence, taller than Akk himself.

Akk hummed and tried to busy himself with his plant, but was distracted at the sound of a lighter and the smell of cigarette smoke. He glanced back to his neighbor and tried to think.

Should he say hello? Would it be awkward? Did he even know Akk's name?

Because Akk knew his. Aye. Ayan. He heard it drip from both men and women's lips as Ayan took them home and fucked them.

Akk bit his lip, saying nothing.

Ayan took out a cigarette and cupped a hand around it, protecting it from the morning wind. Ayan grabbed a small lighter and lit the cigarette, leaning against the balcony and looking down below.

He breathed out a mouthful of smoke, and Akk sighed as his mind wandered.

Stupid fucking meeting… Akk yawned. He stayed up late finishing all the notes needed.

“You're over watering them.”

Akk jerked, startled out of his thoughts. “What?” He looked up at Ayan, who was leaning with his back against the balcony.

Ayan's eyes were narrowed as he looked down at Akk from his round glasses. Akk couldn't help but shiver.

“Your plants are overwatered. That's why they're dying.”

Akk blushed, examining his leaves, and yeah- fuck. Ayan was right. The embarrassment flickered inside of Akk like a candle and he turned his heated face away.

“Know a lot about plants or something?” Akk could feel the way his ears were red, even though he wasn't looking at Ayan.

“Florists gotta know a few tricks and tips.” Ayan turned back around to flick the ash off his cigarette onto the ground below. “Try to water the flowers once a day and the tree every other day.” Ayan suggested.

Akk watched as Ayan took another drag of the cigarette and looked up into the sky. The wind blew through his hair, and Akk took in the sight.

Ayan looked like a painting.

Akk couldn't breathe and several questions filled his head. ‘Why aren't you in my bed right now?’ was the most pressing.

Akk jolted as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Letting out a squeak, the lanky man fished it out of his pocket and swore.

“Fuck!” Akk stood up and ran to his door- he's gonna be late! “Have a good day, Ayan.” He carelessly threw out.

In his flustered state, Akk nearly ran straight into the glass door before realising it was closed. He glanced back at Ayan, who was watching him carefully.

Great, it clearly didn't escape his notice.

—-----

Akk huffed, cheeks still red. He pushed the doors open to work, checking that his badge was attached to his chest pocket. He raked his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath in.

Akk walked into the board room, licking his chapped lips. He played with the flash drive in his pocket, triple checking he had it.

“Akk.” Akk's boss, Chadok, voice boomed in the quiet room, despite it being full of Akk's superiors. “We've been waiting for you. Be more punctual in the future.”

Akk glanced at his watch- he still had ten minutes before the official meeting time. Akk nodded obediently- he was usually half an hour early. It was unbecoming to be so late.

“What are you waiting for? Start the meeting.” Chadok commanded. “We have things to do today, Akk.”

“Of course, sir. I'm sorry.”

Akk scrambled to the computer and lined up the projector. The slid the flash drive into the slot and the machine whirred to life before displaying it in front of the room.

Akk took a steadying breath before explaining his research.

—---

When Akk got home that day, all he wanted to do was sleep. He groggily walked up the stairs, clutching onto the railing for support.

Akk lived on the second floor of the apartment building. It was small, only two or three separate places on each floor. The pipes were loud when draining, and the sink had a bit of rust, but Akk kept it clean and it worked for him.

Akk groaned as he stomped up the stairs. His chest binder was digging in around his ribcage, which did nothing to improve his mood. He had been forced to stay at the office for several hours longer than usual, stretching the safety barriers of his binding.

When Akk got to his floor of the building, he sighed in relief. Finally.

Akk's tiny victory was shattered when he heard the moans leaking from his neighbor's door.

Akk's cheeks flushed- embarrassment, rage, and he bit his lip. The noise usually didn't bother him- it barely reached further than his bathroom- but Akk was tired and angry.

So he didn't stop himself from marching straight to Ayan's door. Akk didn't even pause a second before rapping his knuckles loudly against the door, angrily adjusting his stance to appear more intimidating.

The noises behind the door stopped, and there was some shuffling. A creak from inside, and suddenly the door in front of Akk was open, and Ayan was standing in the frame.

Ayan's hair was ruined from the slicked back style that morning, pieces falling into and framing his face. His forehead adorned some sweat, and eyeliner smudged around the edges of his eyes. He had an undone button up around his shoulders and white jeans- unbuttoned and unzipped.

Akk was nearly half a head taller but felt intimidated, most of his rage zapped from him. Akk thought about a nice bath, and it returned half force.

“Oh. It's just you.” Ayan laughed with relief, and his breath stunk like weed. “Can I help you?” Ayan had a small smile on his face, and Akk snapped back to reality.

“Are you really so shameless?” Akk huffed. “I can hear you from my room. Be quiet, or I'll call the building's security.”

Ayan leaned against his doorframe and pouted- but nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry. I didn't realise you could hear from your room.”

The change in position made Akk pause, as he could now smell Ayan. He smelt like pine and sun, and it was good. “Well, it's fine, so-”

“Is that how you knew my name?” Ayan changed his position again, and Akk twitched.

“Um- well-” Akk's eyes frantically flit back and forth, anxiously scanning. “Is that a cat?”

Confused, Ayan turned around, looking behind himself. “How did that escape artist get out again?”

There was no cat behind him.

A small noise released itself from Akk's throat as he all but ran to his own room, quickly closing the door behind him.

He took a few deep breaths before locking the door, as If he expected Ayan to follow him. He took a few steps back and watched the door for a minute. And then two.

No knock came.

Akk sighed in relief. He took a seat on the couch and screamed into his hands silently.

Dear God.

Was Akk going to have to move?

Akk heard Ayan's door open and close and froze- but still no knock.

Akk stood up and walked into the bathroom, washing his face. He took a deep breath, calmer. He walked into the shower and put his ear against the wall.

He closed his eyes and tried to listen.

“Princess, you need to be a good girl for me, okay?”

Akk jolted. For some reason he'd assumed Ayan had sent the person home.

Akk isn't sure why he's so surprised he didn't.

Akk stood there until his body reminded him how tired he was, and he walked into his bedroom. He threw off his shirt and unfastened his binder. It was sweaty and dirty, taking a full minute to get up over his head.

Akk took a few deep breaths in relief. His lungs could finally expand properly.

Akk cleaned the areas around the bottom of the binder and his arms with a rag, to ensure he wouldn't get a rash.

Akk threw an oversized light gray shirt, delighted in the way it made him feel.

With a small smile, Akk made his way to his plants. He started with the one on the table- it was getting a bit too big for the pot. Most of his plants were.

He made a mental note to repot them soon.

Akk made his way outside. His shirt had comforted him after such a hard day, and the warm air blew against his hair. It made him feel beautiful. Important.

Akk glanced towards Ayan’s balcony door- open as both of theirs usually were. He tried not to make much noise as he studied his plants.

The plants already looked better- maybe he was over watering them.

Akk couldn't stop his eyes from looking at Ayan's door again.

Stupid florist.

—---------

Akk groaned as he smacked his alarm off. It was too early.

He slowly got ready, dressing before heading to the kitchen. He turns on the kettle and adds honey and a tea bag to his mug, sleepily smacking his lips.

Akk poured the hot water into the cup and went outside while it steeped.

“Hey.” Ayan was on his side of the balcony, a smirk and cigarette dangling from his lips.

Akk debated turning around immediately, but instead ignored him and focused on his task.

“You should turn your pots around and have the other side face the sun.” Ayan suggested. “It’s easier on the plant.”

Akk pressed his lips into a thin line and did so, the sprouting plants being flipped around. He still did not answer Ayan.

“Where do you work?” Ayan tapped some ash against the balcony. “You're dressed up.”

Akk rolled his eyes. “I'm not dressed up. You're just always half naked.”

Akk motioned towards Ayan, who had a white tank top and boyish boxers on.

“It's hot. No need for three layers.” Ayan grinned. “Even a cute little button.” He tapped his naked chest where Akk's own was adorned with a pin from his work.

“It's dress code. If you've ever been dressed in your life.”

Ayan pouted. “You're so worried about my clothes. Are you interested in me?”

Akk's head snapped towards Ayan. “What?”

“What's your name?” Ayan asked instead. “I keep calling you ‘cute neighbor’ in my head.”

Akk just stared at him for a minute. “Akk.” He said automatically.

“Akk.” Ayan said the name like he was rolling it over in his mouth.

Akk took a deep breath, and grabbed his spray bottle and sprayed his plants for something to do.

“I'm Aye. But you already knew that.” Ayan offered his hand from overtop the flimsy piece of plywood that separated their balcony. Akk almost couldn't hold back the laugh at the way Ayan craned over with his toes.

Shortstop.

Akk slowly stood up from his crouched position and shook his hand.

Ayan took a puff from his cigarette and turned it away as he breathed it out.

“You in your twenties?” Ayan asked, eyes bright. He looked less teasing and more interested.

“Twenty-three.” Akk replied.

Ayan smiled. “Twenty-four, my birthday was earlier this month. I'm a Gemini.”

Ayan stubbed out his cigarette and left it on the tray, leaning on the wood into Akk's balcony.

Akk pursed his lips. These felt like date questions. “Sagittarius.”

Ayan was hypnotizing. He looked sad and happy at the same time. Complicated. Akk didn't need complicated.

A strong gust of wind blew Akk’s hair out of place, and he snapped back to reality. “I have to go to work.”

“Have a good day!” Ayan called as Akk scrambled back inside.

Jesus, what was he doing?

Akk almost slapped himself in the face. It was just a man who would distract and disappoint him. He wasn't even Akk's type! Akk's type was….

“P'Mes!” Akk smiled widely as he walked into work. “How are you?”

Akk's teeth hurt from smiling so widely, but he couldn't help it.

Mes exaggeratedly faked passing out. “I'm so tired! Chadok has kept me here all day. He doesn't even want to go to his meetings.” Mes showed off the small signs he had written. “I learned how to write like how they did, like, a thousand years ago, because he doesn't want to be recorded!”

Akk listened and nodded diligently. “I'm learning from the best.”

Mes grinned. “I can't wait until you're his secretary instead of me. I'm thinking about early retirement. I'm so tired!”

Akk's eyes softened as he watched him. He was always so kind and fun. Tall, cheery. Exactly his type.

“I'll go get you a coffee.”

Mes perked up. “Normally I'd say no, but I don't think I can go on without it. Akk, my savior, please!”

Akk had bubbles in his chest from that. ‘My savior’.

Akk felt important. Needed.

With a small smile he got the coffee, well memorized by now.

He hoped to be as good as Mes one day.

—------

Akk woke up the next day, still beaming. A small bounce in his step betrayed the good mood he was in.

My savior. My savior.

Akk flung open the door to the balcony, leaning out and looking at the ground below.

The air smelled sweet, and the sun was comforting instead of hot. The wind blew into his hair, and he felt like he was the main character in his favourite romance novels.

“Your calamondin tree needs to be repotted.”

Akk turned to the expected sight of his smoking neighbor, but smiled this time. He stepped close to Ayan, leaning on the same wood that separated them.

“Thank you.”

Ayan stared at him a second, cigarette dangling off his lips. “Something good happen?”

Akk grinned, giddy. “You know how it is, I assume. Hot guy at work flirts with you, calls you his savior. You know.”

Ayan nodded, his face morphing into understanding. “Ohhhh. Liked him for long? You’re dressed… differently.”

Namely, Akk’s dress shirt was unbuttoned partially, and a belt showed off his waist.

Akk looked up at the sky, crossing his arms. “Just, you know. A bit.”

“Gonna flirt with him?”

Akk hummed. “Should I? He's really so sweet.” Akk pouted his lips. “I don't think he'd like me.”

Ayan made a small noise. “Oh, I don't think you need to worry about that.”

“Are you flirting with me?” Akk said.

Ayan took the cigarette from between his lips and breathed out for a long moment. “I was. Not sure I have a chance anymore.”

Akk turned around and reached over the balcony to snatch the cigarette from Ayan's finger tips.

Akk stubbed out the cigarette against the glass tray. “I don't think you do either. I'm not into the whole thing you do.” Akk motioned to the glass, where a man stood on the other side of the glass.

“Brutal.” Ayan didn't comment on his lost cigarette before the door slid open and the guy stepped into the morning air.

“Good morning.” The stranger tried to comb his hair down sleepily, and Ayan sighed.

“Mornin’” Ayan grumbled back. “Let's head back in. I just finished my cigarette.”

The man didn't get a second to step further or argue before Ayan was walking past him into his place.

Ten minutes later, Akk heard Ayan's door slamming closed.

—---------

Akk was immediately looking forward to being at Mes’s side when he pulled up to work. He hoped his altered outfit was enough to draw his attention, but when he walked in, there was a crowd.

“Mes, that’s amazing!”

“Is it official?”

“She said yes!”

Mes was smiling and showing off a photo, and smiled when Akk got to the front of the crowd.

“Akk!”

“What's going on?” Akk asked dumbly, looking at the photo.

The photo was snatched from Mes's hand before Akk could get a good look, but it didn't matter.

Mes told him anyway.

“Akk, I'm engaged!”

Akk stared. And stared.

“You were dating someone?” Akk's voice was shaky, his eyebrows knit together. “I thought…” you were hitting on me.

“I've been with her for years.” Mes smiled, radiating joy. “I usually like to separate work and life, but someone, Bank, couldn't help but spill.”

Mes turned and playfully glared at Bank, who sheepishly shrugged.

“Okay, okay! Enough!” Mes laughed loudly, a brilliant smile on his lips. “Everyone get to work. Chadok will be mad.”

Akk was frozen, even as everyone else moved. He studied Mes's face, a pleasant glow. His eyes dropped- he couldn't stand to look at Mes's face.

And- oh.

Adored on Mes's desk were picture frames… of the same woman. How had Akk never noticed that before?

Akk felt like crying, but instead sat down at his desk.

He tried not to look at Mes’s brilliant smiles all day.

—-----------

Akk got home and immediately threw off his binder- but it didn't help the constriction in his chest.

Akk slammed the balcony door open, hopeful the night air would calm down the raging emotions inside of him.

Akk slid down to the ground, stiff suit still around his shoulders. He glanced at his flowers for a second, before hiding his face into his knees.

He didn't cry, but he was close. Emotions bubbled in his chest, and he took long sniffles.

Mes didn't… like him. He was no one's saviour.

There was the sound of a sliding door as Ayan stepped out onto his balcony, and then the sound of a lighter. Akk felt embarrassed about being caught, and tried to be as quiet as possible.

The smell of weed wafted over to Akk, and he took a deep breath.

“Fuck!” Ayan jolted and glanced between the bars of the fence at Akk's curled figure. “What the hell are you doing?”

Someone asking finally made Akk cry, muffled sobs into his knees. It was embarrassingly loud in the quiet of the night, but Akk couldn't stop.

Ayan slid down next to Akk, listening to him cry into his knees. He didn't ask any questions, just taking the occasional puff, breathing it out away from Akk.

Ayan’s presence was comforting, and soon Akk was done crying.

Akk sniffled a bit before Ayan finally spoke. “Wanna talk about it?”

Akk shook his head, and Ayan shook out his cigarette, offering it to Akk.

“It's a fry.” Akk looked confusedly at Ayan. “It's dipped in cannabis oil.” He warned. “It'll make you tired.”

Akk’s throat was scratchy. “Thanks. You're my,” …savior. He took the offered cigarette and twirled it around a second, before bringing it to his lips.

There was a small twinge of pain in his lungs as he breathed in, and his throat felt dry. He only waited a second before breathing out, to avoid coughing.

Ayan studied him while Akk did it again, holding his breath for longer.

“I expected more coughing.” Ayan had a little pout on his lips.

Akk laughed and handed the cigarette back through the fence. “It's not my first time.”

Ayan brought it to his lips. “No?”

“Kan and Wat used to drag me to all types of parties when they were in college.” Ayan offered the cigarette back to Akk who took it. As he exhaled, he looked at the sky. “Wild time. Hard to think Wat's married now.”

“Your friends? How long have you known them?”

Akk handed Ayan the cigarette back. “Since forever. Definitely too long.” Akk watched Ayan turn it around in his fingers. “Didn't bring anyone home tonight?”

Ayan pursed his lips, pouting. “I don't do it every night.”

“Liar. I've been your neighbor for months.”

Ayan let out a soft whine. “Are you trying to be mean?” He stuffed out the cigarette, burned to the filter.

Akk sighed, peaceful silence washing over them. He thought about Mes, and work. He decided work was the lesser of two evils.

“Do you work? You're always here.” Akk asked.

“I work plenty! I work normal shifts!” Ayan grumbled.

Akk sighed. “I don't want to go tomorrow.”

“Then don't.” Ayan shrugged. “It's Saturday.”

Akk giggled. “It's Saturday.” He laughed again.

Ayan raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, Saturday. What's so funny?”

Akk just giggled again and then yawned. “Tired. Gonna sleep here.”

Akk balled himself up, uncaring of the starchy suit around him.

“Right here?” Ayan laughed loudly. “It's uncomfortable.” But Ayan laid down too,using his arms as a pillow.

“Goodnight.” Akk mumbled, closing his eyes. “Niiight.” He repeated, giggling.

And then Akk fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Akk woke up the next morning with a sore back and bad breath.

“Augh…” Akk groaned and held his head in his hands, a satisfying pop coming from his bones.

An ant crawled on his hand and he let out a short scream and shook his hand.

“Good morning.”

Ayan was sitting on the ground next to him, not smoking for once. His slicked back hair was messy from sleep, and his eye bags looked darker than the day before.

“Rough night?” Akk teased, and pointed at his own under eye at Ayan's owlish look.

Ayan nodded sleepily, stretching.

The movement caused his shirt to pull up, and Akk was blessed with Ayan's chubby stomach, tucked behind his pants. There was a small black ink blot, and then the shirt was down.

Akk became hyper aware of the mess his hair likely was, and if his small chest was showing. He pulled his knees into his stomach and ran his fingers through his hair.

The sun was well into the sky, and Akk's eyes felt puffy from crying.

“Thought you worked today. It's ten.”

Akk felt his heart stop. He scrambled around for his phone, coming up empty. He must have left it inside. Akk bit his lip and his breathing slowed to nothing. He felt sick in his stomach and curled in tighter, taking a deep breath.

“They'll be fine without me for one day.” Akk decided. “I'll go in tomorrow.”

Akk wasn't sure he could stomach seeing Mes again so quickly.

“Monday.”

Akk covered his eyes from the sun and watched Ayan. “Tomorrow is Sunday.”

“No one should work weekends.” Ayan pouted. “I never get to see you.”

Akk sighed loudly. “I keep you from going out one night, and you're flirting with me again.”

Akk unfurled himself from his knees and lay flat. His smaller chest just barely showed, but Akk felt comfortable enough to not care.

“You have a tattoo?” Akk asked, pointing to the spot he saw on Ayan's hip.

Ayan covered it protectively before nodding. He shuffled and pulled his boxers down enough to show it off.

“‘Beautiful.’” Akk read aloud.

“I know I am, thanks.” Ayan teased, and Akk rolled his eyes.

The font was gorgeous, and Akk stared at it longingly, reaching his fingers through the fence to touch it.

Just before he touched Ayan, he noticed what he was doing. Internally, he panicked like a wish out of water. His throat closed and his heart beat like a rabbit.

“You can touch it.” Ayan offered, and Akk nodded.

After a seconds pause, Ayan's hand wrapped around Akk's wrist. Ayan pulled his hand the rest of the way, until Akk’s fingertips touched the smooth skin of his tattoo.

Ayan’s skin was warm, and Akk felt the smallest of bumps on the skin. Akk ran his thumb against it, using a bit more pressure. Akk could smell Ayan- he smelt like sweet sun even after sleeping in the dirt all night. It was Akk's new favourite scent.

Ayan's hooded eyes watched his chilled fingers for a second, before trailing his gaze up Akk’s arm. Everywhere Ayan looked felt electric, and when Ayan settled on his eyes, Akk flinched away like burnt.

“Sorry.” Akk meekly apologized, but Ayan smiled.

“No problem. I have another one on my thigh, you know.”

Ayan bunched up the boxers around his thighs until Akk was able to read it.

“‘Nothing is too late to mend’.” Akk looked at the scrawled script, forever etched into the skin.

Ayan let go of his boxers and settled back against the end of the balcony. He took a cigarette from the pack on the floor nearby, and lit it.

Akk watched Ayan hold it a second before breathing out of his nose.

“What's the plan for your day off?”

Akk puffed out his cheeks and thought. “I need to get Mes an… engagement gift.”

Akk expected Ayan to jump at the chance to spend time with him and beg to come, but Ayan didn't.

Ayan took a deep breath before nodding. “I should really get to work.” He groaned out.

A startled laugh ripped from Akk's throat. “I thought ‘no one should work on weekends’.”

Ayan pouted and took another drag of his cigarette, holding it for a second before letting it go. “That's why it's only me working today.”

Ayan stubbed out his half finished cigarette and stood up, stretching. His tank top clearly covered the edge of his boxers, and his bones clicked like a doll as he walked.

“Have a good day, Akk.”

Akk watched Ayan slide open his balcony door and step into it, quickly out of sight.

—---

By the time Akk was finally ready for the day, washed, brushed, and eaten, the air was as depressive as his mood. It sucked all the air from his lungs as the sun made even the air boil his skin.

Akk has known Mes for quite some time- three years to be exact. But still, no gift came to mind.

Akk trudged down the popular strip mall, glancing at the piles of over-priced clothes and shoes.

He carried a small bag of food, having gotten hungry, but had no place to properly eat it.

Nothing he saw felt right, but Akk just sighed.

Does it really matter what he got Mes?

Akk turned left into the nearest store, and a bell jingled overhead.

The first thing Akk noticed was the smell. It was sweet and floral, surrounding him all over.

The second thing Akk noticed were the colours. About every shade imaginable was wrapped up in pale brown. Roses, lilies, even daisies in small bouquets.

There was the bell of alarm in his head and Akk immediately realised what he had stepped into.

Flowers… plants….

Oh, he bet Ayan worked here. He had just seen him less than five hours ago, he did not need another round of teasing right now.

Akk turned around to leave the flower shop but nearly bumped straight into someone else.

“Sorry about that! You alright?”

Akk glanced straight up into the face of Mes.

“Oh, Akk. You alright?”

Akk's face was pale and he stood frozen, mouth opening and closing. He wasn't prepared to see Mes again so soon.

“Shouldn't- you be at work?” Akk choked out.

Mes raised an eyebrow. “We close early on Saturday's, Akk.”

Akk blushed at his slip-up, and tried to step past Mes to salvage the situation, but Mes stopped him.

“What are you doing here? You're usually in the office until late.”

“Um…” Akk glanced around in a panic. “I'm getting a gift?” Akk fumbled and could only say the truth.

Mes smiled but waved his hand. “For me? I don't need one Akk. My fiancée-”

“No!” Akk all but yelled. “It's not for you! It's for, um…” Akk panicked. “My boyfriend! He's, um, smart. Sweet.”

Mes smiled, and it reached his delighted eyes. “And when can I meet him?”

“Um-”

“Right now.” Ayan stepped through the gate from the back counter, and offered his hand to Mes. “I'm Aye. Akk's boyfriend.”

Mes studied the short boy for a second before offering his hand. “I'm Mes. Akk’s coworker.”

Akk's brain was static. What was happening?

“Um…” Akk said again, stupidly.

“How did you two meet?” Mes rested a hand on his hip. “Akk was always holed up in the office, I was getting worried about him.”

“See, that's a funny story…” Ayan laughed.

Akk didn't hear them, just watched as they laughed. And talked.

Akk panicked and gripped onto Ayan's sleeve. “What are you doing?”

Ayan grinned. “Don't worry my love, I'm not flirting with him.”

“You know that's not-”

“Yes love, I'll be ready in a second. Go put down the food while I help Mes.”

Akk remembered the bag of food and gulped. Without a word he obeyed, like a doll on strings.

Akk watched them talk while he sat, and soon his confusion turned into anger, and then gratefulness, and then anger again.

Ayan helped Mes purchase his items and then took off his apron, walking into the break room.

Ayan made a small kissy motion and sat next to Akk, snatching the bag of food. “Hi boyfriend.”

Akk growled and slapped his hand. “What the fuck happened back there?”

“Other than me helping you?” Ayan snatched the bag and opened it to an assortment of fruits. He took one and popped it into his mouth. “Was that an ex?”

Akk groaned. “He's just a coworker.”

Ayan stared him down. “Akk I can't be your boyfriend if you don't tell me things. We should break up.”

Akk shoved at Ayan's arm, and Ayan giggled and ate another piece of fruit. “Jackass! I just…” Akk glanced into the empty shop. “I liked him. But he has a fiancée now.”

“Pretty girl at that.” Ayan whistled. “He showed me a photo.” Akk slapped his shoulder, and Ayan whined. “Ow! Sorry!”

“You're such a dick.”

“You're so mean to your boyfriend.” Ayan pouted his lips. “Are you cheating on me?”

“I'm not your anything. I'm barely your friend.” Akk snapped, and he snatched the fruit away from Ayan.

“You think we're friends?”

Ayan's face was a mix of teasing and earnest, and Akk handed him the fruit again to get him to shut up.

Akk watched Ayan eat happily in silence, until Ayan poked him verbally.

“So. Wanna talk about it?”

Akk groaned. “No.”

“Don't you need a date for the wedding?”

Akk glared at him. “People don't plan weddings immediately after getting engaged, Ayan.”

“That one does.” Ayan whistled. “He said in a month. The 17th.”

Akk froze. His lungs felt frozen like ice and he stared, wide eyed. “Are you fucking with me?”

“Nope.” Ayan popped his ‘p’ loudly.

Akk felt embarrassment and shame crawl up his spine into his neck. How did he ever think P’Mes liked him? He's head over heels for his beautiful fiancée.

He shivered and his eyes welled up with tears, sniffling loudly.

“Um, don't cry!” Ayan flusteredly pat Akk on the back. “I have fruit! You can have it!”

Akk glanced up and glared. “I can have my own fruit? So generous.”

Ayan quickly put down the skewer of grapes. “I'll take you out for dinner. Just don't cry, not over a guy.”

Akk couldn't help but laugh a little. “Are you hitting on me again?”

Akk’s voice was laced with vulnerability. He wanted Ayan to be, to prove he's loveable. Worthy to be chased after.

“Just stand up.” Ayan offered out his hand, and Akk took it, completely dwarfing it in size.

Akk studied the warm hand in his, when his phone rang.

Akk's ears flushed and he ripped his hand away violently, coughing. The moment had seemed romantic and sweet- but Akk knew that was likely by accident.

“Hello?” Ayan picked up Akk's phone for him, while Akk was stuck in his own head. “Oh? Yes, we just finished lunch.”

Akk lunged for his phone, and Ayan gave it to him.

Akk stepped away to continue his phone call and sighed when he hung up.

“You alright?” Ayan asked.

Akk sighed. “Yeah. Just my brother. He and his boyfriend are fighting again.” Akk whined. “Everytime he does, he brings a plant. I can't even take care of the ones I have now.”

Ayan made a kissy motion with his lips. “At least you have me now, right?”

Akk’s eyes flit back and forth between Ayan’s eyes and lips, jerking his head in a clumsy nod.

“I'll drive you home.” Ayan's smooth voice made Akk not realise when Ayan grabbed his hand, walking them to the car.

Ayan walked quickly for someone much shorter, and before Akk could put two and two together, they were in Ayan's car.

Akk's shoulders were hunched near his ears, and he held a death grip against the arm rests.

“Calm down.” Ayan shushed like he was calming a scared cat. “I won't crash. Why are you always tense when you're with me?”

“I'm not.”

Ayan leaned over and gently pushed Akk's tense shoulders down, offering a small grin.

But Ayan didn't pull away. His face was mere centimeters from Akk's cheek, and he moved in until his lips were right in front of Akk's. Akk couldn't feel his warm breath tickling his upper lip and nose. Akk's eyes fluttered closed, shoulders hunching again.

Ayan buckled his seatbelt.

Akk's eyes shot open, and Ayan soothed his shoulders a moment before sitting correctly and buckling in his own seat.

Ayan started the car while Akk stared at him in shock.

“What did you think I'd do?” Ayan grinned. “Or wanted me to do?”

“I'm okay!” Akk nearly yelps, and Ayan offered a comforting grin.

—-------

Walking up the stairs to their neighboring apartments, Akk saw the wheel of a yellow suitcase.

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Akk muttered under his breath, making Ayan whisper-laugh.

“Akk!” Sand called, and wrapped his arms around Akk.

Akk squirmed, embarrassed to be smothered by his older brother with Ayan watching.

“Get off of me.” Akk whined. “You're not a hugger.”

Sand let Akk go and sighed. “Ray is though.” And then Sand was looking at the ceiling, clearly trying not to cry.

Ayan awkwardly stood behind Akk, trying to sneak into his apartment without being noticed.

“Who's with you? Your boyfriend?” Sand's eyes filled with poorly hidden tears. “Are you trying to make fun of me?”

“You'll get back together with him soon, Sand.” Akk gently pat Sand's back. “You always do.”

Before Ayan could sneak into his room, Sand glanced at him properly, and his eyebrows stitched together.

“Weren't you at the bar a couple nights ago?”

And really, Akk shouldn't be surprised. And he's not, not really. But Sand keeps talking.

“You're there more often then Ray is. You tried to flirt with me.” Sand sniffled and Akk groaned.

“Are you drunk? You didn't drive, did you?”

“Nooooo.’

Akk tried to herd Sand into his apartment, and looked to Ayan for help, but Ayan was already gone.

—-----

“And- THEN-” Sand angrily waved his arms, beer sloshing out of his bottle. “Ray tells me I'm not allowed to go to the bar without him!” Akk pet Sand's back while he raved. “All because your boyfriend flirted with me!”

Akk frowned. “It sounds like you guys had issues anyways.”

“Whys your boyfriend flirting with people at the bar, huh??” Sand laid his head flat against the table and moaned, before jumping up. He wobbled and Akk ran to catch him. “I'm gonna beat your boyfriend up.”

“Sand, he's not my-” But Sand immediately twisted out of his grasp, fuming.

“I'll kill him, Akk! How dare he do that to you?”

“What- I-?” Akk was flustered as Sand stormed across the room. “Sand, wait!”

Sand tripped over his own foot, sending himself spiraling to the ground. He started to cry.

“Akk… I don't want to be drunk.” He curled into himself and Akk squat next to him and gently rubbed the top of his head.

“I know.”

—--------

Chapter Text

“Why the fuck are you awake? The sun isn't up.” Sand groaned and sat up, covering his eyes from the light. “Is it Monday already?”

“It's Sunday.”

Akk inwardly groaned. He had showered and gotten dressed without Sand waking up, getting caught as the front door creaked.

Sand flopped back down, groaning. “Where are you going?”

“I missed work yesterday, I'm going in today.”

“You can't miss one more day?”

“Just go back to bed, Sand.”

Sand didn't fight him, only standing up from his makeshift bed on the ground that Akk had awarded him last night.

“I'm taking the bed.”

Akk just rolled his eyes and stepped out to his balcony, searching for Ayan.

He squinted in the darkness for the shadowy figure. For some reason, he expected Ayan to be leaning against the bars, smoking a cigarette. But, perhaps obviously, Ayan wasn't there.

Akk took his time, measuring out the water for each plant, turning them and checking their leaves.

Every couple of minutes, Akk glanced towards Ayan's glass door. One minute became ten, which turned into thirty.

The sun rose.

What was Akk even waiting for?

Akk circled back inside, glancing behind him one last time before closing the door behind him.

—--

The entire building was empty when Akk walked in, his laptop bag digging into his shoulders.

The building was completely dark, lights flashing and turning on with the motion sensor as Akk walked to his office.

He stepped to his desk- the one he shared with Mes- sitting across from his mentor's empty seat. Akk stared at the desk.

The small frame mocked Akk as he slipped his computer out of his bag.

Booting it up, he reviewed the documents for next week's meeting. He was originally in charge of assigning tasks to his team, but excuse after excuse… it all fell on Akk.

The rhythmic tapping of keys calmed Akk's anxiety, and he lost himself in the work.

Coming back from the printer office next door, Akk paused as he passed Mes's desk.

The photograph sat eerily in the dark building, and Akk sighed. He unceremoniously dropped the stack of papers in his seat and walked across the two desks. He grabbed the framed photo, running his fingers across the glass.

Mes and his fiancée.

She had acne and wore no makeup. She was short, especially standing next to Mes. Her two front teeth overlapped, leaving a gap next to her canines.

She was beautiful.

Her eyes shone a gorgeous brown, and her smile was brighter than the burning sun. The way her arms wrapped around Mes and she pulled him close. The soft smile Mes gave her…

Akk never wanted to be a secretary. He had dreamt of being a teacher.

He studied hard, helped his family's business. He woke up early and worked. Always gave, without any expectations.

He never thought he'd live to eighteen.

Suppalo made things worse. He had people mocking the clothes he wore, though they wore the same. Staining and colouring on the back of his white button up. People poured milk on his head, making him smell for the rest of the day. Terrified someone would find out he was trans. He'd return to his dorm room with a black eye and bruised fist, someone else's blood staining the cuff of his sleeve.

Mes was just doing his job. Head prefect stopping a fight.

But because of him, Akk made it to eighteen. And then twenty. And then twenty three.

Akk gently set the photo back down, pattering over to his desk.

He could feel an aching emptiness in his chest and quickly wiped at his eyes. But the tears fell faster than he could wipe them away. Akk slumped over his desk, gently sobbing.

Eventually, the automatic lights turned off, encasing Akk in darkness.

—-----

“What are you doing here?” Akk groaned as he saw Yok leaning against the door in front of his apartment, backpack in hand. “I don't have any room for you.”

When Akk came close, Yok squished his cheeks affectionately. “I haven't seen my baby brother in months,” Yok lowered his voice. “And I thought you might need help with Sand. I heard it was bad this time.”

Akk swatted Yok's hands away, noticing Ayan, who was standing close to Yok.

His face was bright red, but Yok didn't seem to notice it.

“We'll have to smoke together some other time.” Yok blew a small air kiss, and Ayan bit his lip.

“No, that's,” Ayan's embarrassed eyes glance at Akk. “It's okay. Don't worry about it.”

Yok shrugged and Akk opened the door to his apartment. Yok stepped in first, but Akk lingered behind.

Akk and Ayan stared at each other for a moment, until Akk broke the silence.

“You seem to have a type.”

Ayan pouted, whining loudly. “How many brothers do you have?”

“Three. Do you plan on flirting with the last one too?” Akk’s voice was light as he teased Ayan.

Today was hard. Ayan's presence weirdly helped him let go, laughing at his embarrassed face.

“I wouldn't have to if you let me flirt with you.” Ayan grinned, poking at Akk's pout.

“You wish.” Akk's grin was one of faux confidence, but he stepped into his apartment, waving goodbye.

“Hey, wait.” Ayan snatched Akk's hand, holding it up to his chin. “I was serious, you know.”

Akk's heart sped up. Oh my god. Was he about to get asked out? Was he ready for this? He wasn't ready for this.

Mes's face flashed behind Akk's eyes, and he felt guilty. Like he was cheating on the man who never loved him.

“I'll be your date for the wedding.” Ayan's smile was full of joy. “I've never gone to one.”

And… oh. That… yeah. Mes.

“Okay.”

Ayan brought Akk's hand closer to his mouth for a cheeky kiss, his lips barely brushing against them. Ayan's eyes flicked to Akk's face, and Akk got lost in them.

His eyes swirling like a vortex, and Akk couldn't breathe. He felt like he was drowning, someone shoving his head underneath the current.

He thought of Mes.

Akk yanked his hand back, cheeks hot. “Um, thanks.” And then he quickly closed his apartment door, sighing in relief. He wanted to cry.

Yok and Sand were whispering, small hisses exchanging excitedly. The noise grated on Akk's ears.

When they realised Akk was watching them, Sand slapped Yok forward.

“I didn't realise he was your boyfriend.” Yok played with the sleeve of his tank top, his tattoos on display.

Akk had always admired the tattoo's on his older brothers, and secretly got one on his hip. It hurt like hell, but the blooming flower was beautiful.

But now the bird tattoos pissed Akk off. Soaring… free… Akk despised it.

Their eldest brother nudged Yok again who shook his head. “I'm not apologising! He should have told us!” Yok frowned harshly. “I mean, your neighbor, Akk? I thought you had better sense.”

“For the last time, he's not my boyfriend!” Akk's voice started loudly but ended in a near whisper. “I told you that ten times, Sand! But you didn't listen! You never listen!”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Yok pushed Akk back gently, like an owner removing an angry cat from their leg.

The gentle touch pissed Akk off.

Sand's face looked hurt, but Akk just huffed. “You're too drunk to give a shit about anything but yourself. And Yok, youre so fucking selfish. Going silent for weeks and we don't even know if you're alive!”

Akk’s voice broke, the unexplainable rage making him pant. “I hate you! I hate you both! Invading my house, I just…” Akk sniffled, trying not to cry.

He couldn't stop the tears, the embarrassment only adding to his shame. Sand and Yok never cry in front of him.

It made him dysphoric. The idea that women cry more rooted in misogyny and toxic masculinity, but still cutting something in his heart.

“What's really bothering you?” Sand put his hand on Akk's shoulder, and Akk melted Into the touch.

Yok helped him sit down, and Akk couldn't help but hug him and cry into his shoulder, sniffling loudly.

“Why… doesn't he love me?” Akk's heart was full of open nerve endings. It hurt.

Sand soothingly rubbed his back. “Who doesn't love you?”

Akk's lip trembled and his snot ran into Yok's top.

“Mes. He just…” Akk let out a large sob. “He's getting married. Why doesn't he…” He looked to Sand in despair. “I did everything right. Am I just unlovable?”

The words bounced around in Akk's head.

Unlovable… cruel… just die. Angry… ugly…

Akk cried harder, the comforting touch from his two brothers calming his brain.

“You're not unlovable, Akk. You'll find someone else to love.”

Akk shook his head. “I… loved him. Since, since I met him. Everyday, I loved him more.”

Akk pulled back from Yok’s shoulder to wipe his eyes. The voices in his head, his doubts, were still there. But he can't worry his brothers. He needed to stop crying.

But anytime Akk’s tears stopped, they immediately started up again.

Yok and Sand didn't say anything for a long time- maybe they didn't know what to say. They just let him cry.

“I'm- I'm sorry. For…” Akk sniffled and wiped away the last of his tears from his face. “I didn't mean it.”

Akk's body ached from staying in the same position for such a long time. Yok finally let his firm grip go to look at Akk's swollen eyes.

“It's okay, Akk.” Yok hugged Akk again for a few seconds. “It's your first heartbreak.”

Sand wiped some of the sweat from Akk's forehead. “We forgive you.”

Akk basked in the love from his brothers, but there was an itching feeling in his chest. He felt guilty and just… needed some time.

“Sand, do you have…” Akk mimed drinking from a cup, and Sand nodded.

“You shouldn't drink to cope.” Sand said.

“I'm not, I just…” Akk shrugged. “Need some air and a drink.”

Sand didn't look happy, but handed Akk a small flask of his homemade wine. SandRay was clearly written on the label, a sunset on the beach.

Once again, Akk expected Ayan to be waiting on the balcony for him, but it was lonely. Akk wasn't sure why he kept holding out hope.

It hasn't done much for him lately.

Akk's bitter attitude penetrated the air, the thick scent of nicotine suffocating him.

Like he'd always been there, the tip of Ayan's cigarette glowed red.

“It's a nasty habit.” Akk commented.

“So is alcohol.”

Akk played with the small container in his hand, setting it down and sighing. He stuck his hand out for Ayan, and Ayan got the jist.

Shaking the burning end, Akk leaned back and took a drag, scratchy smoke filling his lungs.

Akk’a tongue played with it in his mouth, noting something he never noticed before.

“Why does your cigarette have a hole in the bottom?”

Akk inspected the back, correct in assessing the deep hole.

“Less filter. More nicotine.” Ayan held his hand out for the cigarette, inhaling and holding it for a second, letting it out through his nose.

Akk pulled his knees to his chest, smooshing his cheek against them. He watched Ayan take another drag, knocking off the bit of ash at the end.

For the first time, Akk saw how tired Ayan truly looked. His eyes bags were a deep purple colour, something the natural yellow hue of his skin couldn't hide anymore. His eyes were sunken into his face, and even the smile lines around his face faded like they didn't get much use anymore.

“Isn't that killing you faster?” Akk dared to ask.

Ayan looked a little surprised, and then stumped. “I guess so. It's the time of year. Lonely.”

The wind picked up quickly, a clear storm brewing. The sun was quickly hidden by the heavy storm clouds, but neither of them moved. Ayan’s mind was clearly crammed full, and tears even misted his eyes.

Ayan's cigarette burned to the filter, yet he continued to light another.

Just when Akk was debating going back inside and having to confront his brothers, Ayan spoke again.

“Would it really be so bad if it killed me?” Ayan laughed at the end of his sentence, but it was joyless. A small muttering to himself.

Akk stayed silent for a long time. He didn't know what to say. The rising wind flapped his hair around him, tussling it.

“I have plants inside.” Akk decided on.

“What?” Ayan’s second cigarette burned to the filter again and he stubbed it out.

“If you ever want to take a look at them. You can.”

Akk tugged his legs closer into his chest. It started to hurt, but the pain comforted him.

Ayan turned around with a grin on his face. On close inspection, it seemed to reach a twinkle into his eyes.

“Are you hitting on me?” Ayan pretended to twirl his longer hair. “I've been waiting.”

Akk fit his legs between the wide gaps in the bar, kicking Ayan's back. “Idiot. Don't flatter yourself.”

Ayan's laughter was peeling. It switched between silent wheezing and snorting, which made Akk laugh himself.

“Your laugh is awful!” Akk panted out between giggles. He teasingly put his hands over his ears like he was offended.

Ayan pouted, sticking his hand through the bars to poke at Akk.

It had the intended effect of Akk's hands ripping from his ears to swat at Ayan's instead.

Akk caught Ayan's hands, the rough and calloused skin rubbing against his own uncomfortably.

Ayan's hands were tiny. They fit perfectly around Akk's, making him giggle.

“You're small, Shortstop.” Akk's voice was strangely affectionate. He felt weak and small but now he was laughing.

“You're just a Bigfoot.” Ayan didn't try to snatch his hands away, just wiggling his fingers to tickle at Akk's wrist.

The wind whipped around them, swallowing both of them into their own world.

A world without soft brown eyes.

A world without gentle kindness.

A world without a crooked smile.

A world without Mes.

Akk dropped Ayan's hands like he was sure Mes was going to pop out around from any corner and get the wrong idea.

“I need to go.” Akk announced, wiping his sweaty hands on his shorts.

“So soon?” Ayan's hands were expressive on their own, wrapped prettily around the bars on his side of the balcony. His eyes were wide and innocent, pleading to not be left alone. “You're always running away.”

But Akk couldn't. Tears pin pricked his eyes, and his throat closed. He couldn't do that to Mes. He loved him so much. He would always love him. So much.

Akk grabbed the flask from the ground and quickly made his way inside. He locked the door behind him, like he was scared of something following.

One last glance showed Ayan watching him leave, but Akk scurried from the door.

“Here.” Akk tossed the still-full flask at Sand. “You need it more than me.”

Sand looked a little grateful, but whether it's because Akk's words rang true or that Akk hadn't drunk it, he wasn't sure.

“I'll cook.” Sand announced.

After dinner, and more of Sand's drunk crying and an embarrassingly long voice note to Ray, Akk was finally able to curl up in his own bed. Sand lay drunk on the floor and Yok on the couch in the living room.

Akk typically slept on his back, but today he looked out his window. Uncharacteristically, his shades were open, giving him a view of his balcony. Craning his neck, he could see Ayan sitting outside still.

Akk rolled over. It wasn't his problem.

Yet, Akk woke several times that night. Even when rain started pelting his window at a concerning strength, Ayan stayed outside. Everytime Akk checked, he'd hardly moved, only a thin blanket to keep him company.

—------------