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Regulus Black is seven years old when he realises that he is not a girl.

His parents are out at some formal pureblood event and his brother is driving the governess mad with his lack of understanding towards Latin. “It’s a dead language!” He had cried, “Nobody speaks it so why must I learn it?”

Regulus could hear his dramatics even now, two floors up. Somehow, he was standing in his brother's room. Gazing upon dress robes upon dress robes. Boys dress robes. Not an inch of frilly lace or tight silk in sight. Regulus stood up on his tiptoes, tiny hands grasping at the expensive cloth, desperate to pull it down.

After a few jumps, and more tugs, he finally had the item of clothing in his hands. He quickly stripped down and pulled Sirius’ clothes on. He looked in the mirror and liked what he saw.

He was well used to the feeling of disgust that accompanied his reflection. It was almost impossible to put it into words without simplifying it. The itchiness and tightness of his skin, the burning of the curves that made him so undeniably female even at the age of only seven. The curdling in the pit of his stomach that made him want to throw up and the tight, feminine dress robes that felt like acid against his skin. It was almost feeling so deeply rooted in his bones that trying to explain it would make him sound insane, a feeling which you could only know through experience. Now, looking at his brother’s clothes, loose on his thin frame and hiding the curves that came with it, he didn’t look so effeminate. But his hair ruined his image for it was far too long. Down to his waist at this point.

Scissors. He thought.

He crept out to the bathroom across the hall, desperate not to get caught by Kreacher or the governess. Once he was in the bathroom and the door was shut, he clambered onto the marble counter and began rifling through the cabinet above until he found what he was looking for.

Taking the silver scissors in hand and sitting on the counter in front of the mirror, he began to cut. Long locks of black hair pooled around him as he cut shorter and shorter until his hair was the same length as Sirius.’ The same length as a boy’s hair.

Something twinged at his heart. He never liked looking in the mirror for all he saw back was a body that he did not feel was his. It was like a costume made of other people’s bones and skin that he was sewn into. There was no real way out but he came close many a night, carving into the soft flesh with his nails as if to tear it from bones that weren’t his. But now…Now he liked looking. Instead of a girl, there was a boy looking back. A boy. He liked himself as a boy. He felt real, like a person for once in his life.

The door flew open, and his brother stood in the entrance. “Cassie get out, I need a wee” he says, but then gasps. “Cassie?! What have you done? Oh, mother is going to be so angry.”

Sirius came to a stop to where Regulus was sitting. “Do you like it?” He asks nervously, waiting anxiously for Sirius’ approval.

“I-yes, I like it, it suits you. But mother will not. She will be angry. Girls should not have short hair and- wait a minute, are you wearing my clothes?” Sirius asks incredulously taking in Regulus’ full appearance, who was still sitting on the counter.

“Maybe” he replies, his voice barely a whisper.

Sirius just shook his head. “Come on,” he says, lifting Regulus down, “we’ll get you back into your own clothes and I’ll figure out an excuse for the hair.”

“But I don’t like my clothes, I much prefer yours”

Sirius tuts. “Sure, but it does not matter what you like or want. You are a Black. You must wear acceptable girl's clothes and have acceptable girls' hair.”

Regulus frowns. “You sound like mother” he pouts.

Sirius looks aghast. “No.” He snaps, “No, do not compare me to that old bat ever again, me and her are nothing alike.”

“Sorry” Regulus replies, a lump in his throat, and then, “It’s not nice for you to call her that, she may be strict but she’s still our mother.”

“Whatever Cassie, now get dressed before she and father get back.”

Regulus did just that and was fixing his shoes as the sound of two apparition cracks travelled up the stairs. Within a minute, Regulus was being dragged by his brother to meet their parents.

“Maman!” Sirius shouts, “Maman look! Look what I did to Cassie’s hair!”

Regulus steps out from behind Sirius and watches as his mother’s face goes stark white, pale from shock. He winces as her mouth twists into a grimace, as she takes in his appearance. He feels her stare like needles pricking all over his body. All of a sudden his skin felt itchy and hot. Uncomfortable. He wanted to take it off. He wanted the dress gone and Sirius’ clothes again.

Walburga’s face settles into a glare of rage. “Sirius Orion Black, how dare you defile my daughter like this! And how dare you go around shouting like a commoner! Into your father’s study, now!”

“Oui Maman.” Sirius sighs but does not fail to wink at Regulus as he passes.

“Cassiopeia, come.” Walburga snaps.

Regulus dutifully steps forward, and, in an instant, his long black hair was returned.

“Much better,” he hears his mother say before she is gone into the study and a silencing spell is cast.

Regulus could cry. He did not want his hair. He did not want his clothes. Or his name, or his body. He did not want to be a girl. Why was he born a girl? And why can’t he feel like one like a normal person? Do normal people get these feelings? He wishes he was born a boy. He wants to be a boy. A little brother, a son, a boyfriend, a husband. Not Cassiopeia. Not Cassie. Not a daughter or sister or future wife. He saw it in the mirror, twenty minutes ago, he was meant to be a boy. It felt right.

‘I will tell my parents,’ he thinks. ‘I will tell them. I will tell them that I want to be a boy, like Sirius. They are powerful, surely, they can do something to help. Surely, they will understand, they are my parents. They love me.’

That evening at dinner is when Regulus springs his new realisation to his parents.

“Maman. Papa.” he starts, a shake to his voice, “I have something to tell you.”

His mother sighs. “What is it Cassiopeia?” She asks impatiently.

“I-I do not want to be a girl. I want to be a boy. I am a boy.” Regulus stutters out.

Sirius who was pushing his food around on his plate, snaps his gaze to Regulus, fearfully. He was sporting a black eye from his punishment and Regulus felt nothing but guilt.

“Cassiopeia-” his father starts. “No.” his mother cuts in. “You are a girl and that is final, enough of these weird idealisations. Nobody is like that. Nobody. Not another word about this, now eat your dinner.”

“But mother,” Regulus whines, “Why can’t I-” he cuts himself off as Walburga fixes him with a glare.

That night Regulus is alone in his room, crying at his mother’s harsh words, when the door opens and Sirius creeps in.

The bed dips and Regulus is engulfed in his brother’s arms and Sirius begins to sing.

“Au clair de la Lune

Mon ami Pierrot

Prête-moi ta plume

Pour écrire un mot

Ma chandelle est morte

Je n'ai plus de feu

Ouvre-moi ta porte

Pour l'amour de Dieu”

By the end of the second verse Regulus had drifted off to sleep.

3 years later…

“Sirius, please don’t go.” Regulus begs, hanging off his brother's arm in his room.

“Cassie, I’ll be fine, it’s only for a year and then you’ll be at Hogwarts too.”

“But what if you forget about me, what if you replace me with your new friends?”

“Cassie.” Sirius says, tilting Regulus’ chin up, “In no world would I ever replace or forget you. I will write every day and I will tell you all about my friends and then when you come next year, we can all hang out together. Do not worry and do what mother says and it will fly by. I will be home for Christmas, remember?”

“I don’t want to be here alone.” Regulus pouts, feeling the back of his eyes burn with unshed tears. He doesn’t let them fall, having long learnt his lesson not to show emotion in this void of a house.

Sirius is about to reply when a crack of apparition fills the room.

“Mistress Black has ordered Kreacher to take young Master Black to the train station sir.” The house elf says, bowing his head.

Sirius shrugs Regulus off and bids him goodbye with a kiss on his head.

“I’ll write every day.” he promises and then he is gone. He has gone and Regulus is cold with the realisation that they will not see each other for another three months.

The next day Regulus wakes to his cousin’s shriek.

Bellatrix’s rage carries through the halls. “A Gryffindor!?” She was screaming, “Disgrace on our family name. He must be disowned immediately!” 

“Bellatrix, darling, breathe, and quit shouting about.” a male voice followed.

That was Rodolphus Lestrange. Bellatrix’s sleazy fiancé.

Regulus drags himself out of bed and into suitable attire to be presentable to his family and walks down the stairs. Back straight, hands by his sides, chin up, haughty gaze. The perfect Black daughter.

“Cassiopeia, a word please.” Walburga orders as Regulus enters the room. She turns quickly on her heel and into the study where Orion was already sitting. Regulus follows.

His mother faces him and lets out a sharp breath. Turning her gaze to her husband she raises and eyebrow, waiting. Orion sighs and begins to speak.

“Your brother has been placed in Gryffindor and has tarnished our family name. Nevertheless, he is still the heir and as you do not have a male sibling, we cannot disown him. We need a backup in case the time comes where he puts shame to our lineage again. You will be the backup.”

“I’m not sure I follow, father.” Regulus states clearly, eyes darting between his parents.

“We will let you, live this ridiculous idea of being a boy, on one condition.” Walburga elaborates sharply.

Regulus’ breath catches, “what condition?” he asks, willing to agree to anything.

“You do as we say, follow the rules, act as a suitable heir and when the time comes a follower of The Dark Lord.” Orion finishes.

“Yes, yes, I agree. I- merci Maman, merci Papa. Je ne pourrais pas être plus reconnaissant.” Regulus says breathlessly.

Walburga sighs, “to prove that you will keep your word, you must make an unbreakable vow. Orion, if you will.”

Regulus hesitates. What if he messes up? Accidentally breaks the vow? He will die. But would not it be worth living your life with the risk of dying rather than just surviving and delaying the inevitable?

He takes his mother's hand in his own and his father hovers his wand over them.

“Walburga Irma Black, do you swear to let Cassiopeia Alruba Black change her identity to male?”

“I swear.”

A rope of magic connects them. It tingles slightly, like the feeling you get when you sit on your legs for too long, all staticky and fuzzy.

“And do you swear to refer to her as your son and only your son, forgoing her current, soon to be past name?”

“I swear.”

Another rope.

“And if Sirius may fail, do you swear to announce Cassiopeia as your heir?”

“I swear.”

A third rope.

“Cassiopeia Alruba Black, do you swear to live up to the expectations of a Black son and heir?”

“I swear.” Regulus’ voice trembles.

The first rope ties around his wrist.

“And do you swear to accept the position of heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, should your brother fail?”

“I swear.”

The second rope ties around his wrist.

“And do you swear, that in time, you will serve the Dark Lord as one of his soldiers?”

“I swear.”

The third rope ties.

The strings of magic grow hotter, but Regulus does not wince. Just stands there and stays, frozen in time, as the reality sinks in.

The strings fade and all that is left is the acrid smell and metallic taste of Black magic.

“You shall be called Regulus. Regulus Arcturus Black. Mon fils.” Walburga states and with that his hair is cropped again and make up removed.

The following day Kreacher goes out, under Walburga’s orders to get boy’s dress ropes for Regulus.

The day after that, Cassiopeia Black is announced dead in the prophet. Some disease took her life, and she is said to be mourned by a twin brother she never had, as well as a brother at Hogwarts.

Walburga reasoned that it was easier to create false memories of three children rather than swapping out the gender of one. And nobody ever questions the house of Black.

Regulus wonders what Sirius’ reaction the headline was. He still had not written, but Regulus figured he was just settling in.

That Christmas, Sirius came home and was ordered to the study, where he was beaten for two hours. His parents left him there, having to leave to another meeting. When they were gone, Regulus crept in, with bandages and potions he had snuck from Walburga’s bathroom.

He patched Sirius to the best of his 10-year-old ability, which, was surprisingly good, and sat back on his heels, waiting for his brother to regain consciousness.

Once Sirius woke, Regulus leaned over to hug him. Sirius was surprised since he had never seen Regulus as Regulus before. Only ‘Cassiopeia.’ So, Regulus explained. He left out the oath, not wanting to worry Sirius about the consequences if he made a mistake but filled him in on everything else.

“Regulus” Sirius had said, trying out the name. “Reg-u-lus. I like it. It suits you, honestly, I was simply confused about the prophet because I did not realise, I had a third sibling but now it all makes sense.”

Regulus had laughed at his brother's bluntness. They talked for another while until their parents came back for dinner. Neither of them mentioned the letters. And Regulus learned about the three boys that Sirius had befriended.

James Potter who Sirius had already claimed to be his best friend. After Regulus of course.

Peter Pettigrew who was meek and shy and, much to Sirius’ annoyance, had beaten him in chess every time.

And Remus Lupin, the tall kid, with scars and books, and Sirius made it his personal mission to annoy him every day, so that he would talk. It did not matter if it were to only tell him to shut up, Sirius counted it as a win.

Christmas went and the new year came. And then it was summer, which passed, leading to September. The year Regulus starts Hogwarts. The year his life changes.

He was dragged through the train by Sirius, to a compartment where three other boys sat.

James had smiled and stuck out his hand. Regulus ignored him.

Peter bid him hello, voice timid. Regulus glared at him.

Remus gave him a nod. Regulus raised an eyebrow at him, before leaving the carriage, wanting nothing to do with his imbecile of a brother and his idiot friends.

Having heard the stories of his brother and their antics, he longed to be a part of it, but soon realised he didn’t fit. They were a group of four, already solidified in their friendship, there was no room for a spare. He swallowed back the bitter taste that came with the realisation, hearing his brother’s laugh down the aisle of the train.

Regulus sat in an empty carriage on the first of September 1971. Before two people joined him, a boy and a girl, twins, the same age as him. The shared the same dark skin and blonde hair with blue eyes, although the girl’s eyes were much more piercing. He knew them. His second cousins. Evan and Pandora Rosier. Although being part of his extended family, Regulus did not find that he was annoyed at their presence.

Another boy joined them. Barty Crouch Jr was his name. The four of them had stayed in the compartment together. Barty and Evan doing the most talking while Pandora drew and Regulus observed.

They were all placed in Slytherin that evening. Barty, Evan, and Regulus, sharing a dorm and Pandora in the girl's dorms. And although Regulus preferred to keep to himself, behind a mask he had so carefully constructed at home, he found that he liked these people. Give it a few months and he might consider them as friends. Something he never had the privilege of owning before.

Pandora Rosier was seven years old when she first had a vision.

She does not know what it means when she is lost in a trance, images flashing upon her mind's eye, reality fading to black and noise going quiet. She does not know what is means when she sees hands, grasping and clawing. There’s water. And a basin. And most importantly a star. Drowning.

Pandora Rosier does not know what it means when she is brought back to her room. But she knows that she will never forget the scene.

She does not forget any big vision for that matter.

She does not forget when a train brings unity and friendship. Or when a girl cuts her hair short, like a boy. Or when a brother finds a new brother, replacing his petit étoile. Or when a wolf, dog, stag, and rat find a little black cat in a forest. Or when her brother finds a journal. Or when a riddle is destroyed, by a king and his friends.

She draws the scenes sometimes. The images behind her eyes coming to life as statues on a page, hoping that they will make sense then, but they never do.

She never tells anyone about these visions. They come to her when she is alone. In her room. Lost in her conscious mind, filling her head to replace the emptiness in her heart. And then the visions take over, pulling her from reality more than daydreaming ever could.

Sometimes she would dream. Rarely. She would dream every night. But she only ever dreamt a vision twice before.

The third time it happens, she is ten years old. She dreams of a princess. Hanging of a precipice, tied to the edge with magic. On the cliff is a crown. A boy’s crown. She watches as the princess climbs onto the cliff, escaping the pain that lies at the bottom of the chasm. She watches as the girl takes the crown and puts it on. A prince now bares the crown, that if taken off, will kill the wearer. The princess discarded to the cold shadows only to be revealed to hurt un petit prince.

The morning after, the daughter of the House of Black is pronounced dead. A magical disease with no cure. Pandora looks at the prophet and knows that it lies. That her second cousin is still alive. But not the cousin she grew up with.

They go to the memorial, the Blacks state clearly that they do not want a funeral, which, okay, is a little strange, but nobody questions the Blacks. The memorial consists of a blessing to the family, an altar dedicated to the deceased child, a speech from each family member- except the older boy, he does not attend the service- and finally, a feast.

Mistress Black proposes a toast, raising a glass of clear liquid – water and everyone else’s glass fill with a honey-coloured liquid. They all drink at the same time, the sweet liquid burns as a sour aftertaste leaves Pandora’s head a little funny.

Noticing a boy, she only saw briefly during the speeches, she turns to her brother.

“That boy there,” she nods towards the stranger, “who is he? I have never seen him before.”

Evan fixes her with a funny look. “What do you mean? That is our cousin, Regulus, he was a twin to Cassiopeia. We practically grew up together.”

Pandora takes another sip of her drink, and she remembers. Memories of Regulus flood her mind but there is something off about them. They are not…right.

“Right, yeah, sorry. I think there’s a bit of alcohol in this, I’m not thinking clearly.” she whispers shaking her head. Evan shoots her another weird look but shrugs and turns back to the food on his plate.

The memories are at the forefront of her mind and the more she thinks about them the more stilted they become. And she cannot remember any more than that.

She does not know why, but she knows that these memories are fake.

She does not touch her drink after that.

Pandora lies awake one night, thinking of the bizarre memories. Of Regulus.

Regulus.

Regulus.

Regulus.

The heart of the lion.

Constellation of Leo.

Little King.

Little-

Un petit prince.

Her dream.

Regulus.

The princess.

Regulus.

The crown.

The cliff.

The shadows.

Drowning.

Drowning?

Regulus.

She tries to fight it, she really does, but sleep eventually takes over. Making her lose all thoughts on how her dream and the memories are connected. She never does think them again. At least, not for seven more years.

A year later she is standing on the platform. The Hogwarts Express huffs out smoke from the engines in front of them. Children and adults surround them. Hugging and crying goodbyes. Friends reconnect and siblings argue. Adults reprimand and babies laugh. It is pure chaos.

Pandora hates it.

Hates the noise, the people, the drab colours. Her breathing becomes stuttered and a hand on her shoulder brings her back to her body. Her father is speaking to them and only Evan is listening, even with a hand grounding his sister. They bid goodbye and part ways with their father, stepping onto the train for the first time.

None of the compartments are empty but they do eventually find one with only one boy, their, age inside. He turns as they enter. Regulus.

“Hey Reg, nice to see you outside of a stuffy family function, how are you doing?” Evan supplies.

“Fine.” Regulus says curtly, “And my name is Regulus, not Reg, so don’t call me that.”

“Alright then. Pandabear? You feel better?”

Pandora nods and settles down by the window, across from Regulus.

Evan continues to chatter away to her, only stopping when the door opens, and another boy enters. Barty Crouch Jr, he had said. She notices Regulus stiffen when he sits next to her. The compartment was noticeably more crowded with four people, but thankfully nobody else enters.

They all get sorted into Slytherin that evening, and Pandora meets her new dorm mates. Lucretia Fawley and Cerci Greengrass. They are friendly but do not have the same connection as Regulus or Barty. Pandora refers to them as friends rather than best friends.

Evan Rosier is seven years old when his father hurts him for the first time.

It was after dinner; Pandora was in the library and Evan was running through the manor for some reason unbeknownst to himself. He had knocked a portrait off the wall and the lady in the painting gave an outraged shriek as her frame broke.

His father was dragging him into his office immediately, where he was pushed against the wall, his back to the room. He heard the crack of a belt before it struck his back. Painfully. 10 strikes in total. One for each portrait lining the hall he was running through.

A little while later, Evan was slumped on the ground of the office. His father was gone. Breathing ragged from the damage to his ribs.  His back was split open from the leather, harsh red strikes against tan skin, surrounded by white swelling. His mouth tastes metallic and his eyes have gone blurry.

Slowly, he drags himself to a sitting position, before standing up carefully to avoid doing more damage to the shredded skin.

He trudges up the stairs and into his room. The minute he hits the mattress he falls asleep, back still aching.

The next morning is excruciating. Evan gets out of bed and is reminded of the night before due to the sharp pains shooting through his spine. He bandages himself up the best he can and goes downstairs to eat.

 His father is already at the table when he enters. Evan freezes, flashes of last night coming back to him. He is expecting a telling off, a taunting, more hits.

Evan’s father ignores him. Not even a glance at his son who is thoroughly confused at the lack of discipline.

Nevertheless, Evan sits and begins to eat. Glancing up at his father every so often, but his father doesnt even acknowledge his presence.

Time and time again Evan is dragged to the office and hit with the belt. The number of times varies depending on the severity of the offence. Three times when he knocked a vase. Five times when he fails his french tests. Four times for stealing his father’s expensive cologne. Nine times for making a scene at a formal event. Six times for tearing a page in a book. The list goes on.

Eventually Evan expects the punishments. He gradually becomes numb to the pain and can withstand several strikes before his knees begin to buckle.

Three years later Evan is at his cousin's memorial. Pandora is acting weird towards Regulus, who Evan doesnt understand. His mind is pretty fuzzy, he can remember Regulus but didnt think he existed before the memorial.

When the feast is over and people are mingling, Evan spots Regulus in a corner, alone. He had similar features to his sister, slightly feminine angles to his face. Evan feels as if he has known the boy for all his life judging how his face is so familiar but also has the feeling, he has never seen him before. Its disconcerting really.

Evan moves to go over to Regulus, when he is accosted by his cousin. Bellatrix.

“Ah, the baby boy, itty bitty Rosie.”

Evan has to restrain himself from acting on impulse and punching her in the face. Maybe if he knocked all her teeth out, she wouldnt be able to talk. Now that was a nice thought. Evan had a feeling many people would agree with him.

“Bellatrix, a pleasure as always.” he says forced instead, and takes her hand, kissing the back of it as a form of courtesy.

“It is just so awful to hear about poor Cassie.” She pouts not looking one bit sincerely upset.

Evan who was imagining how she would look with a bruised and swollen face, jolts back to reality, facing her unforunately unharmed face and before he can stop himself, he bites out a bitter,

“As if you gave a shit about her.”

Bellatrix recoils in shock before she starts to cackle. “Itty Rosie, has some edges after all.”

Rodolphus smirks at Evan who is trying to slice his cousin in half with his gaze.

A cold voice halts Evan in his attempts to mind murder Bellatrix. He can feel the furious gaze burning into his back.

“I do apologise for my son, Bella. He misses Cassie terribly and is merely grieving her loss. It is nothing personal. Evan, come. We are going now.”

Evan follows his father, knowing what will happen once they arrive home, and Pandora is sent to her room. He does not know how many strikes he will get. How many more scars across his back. How many wounds he will have to desperately try and heal in the morning.    

The answer turns out to be 12. The most he has ever had. When he wakes, he is stuck to the bed with sweat and blood, and when he looks past the blood in the mirror, he can see the yellow-white colour of spinal tissue. Fuck.

He calls the house elf, who heals him and promises to not say a word about it to anyone, and vows to himself that he will stay out of trouble for fear that his father may send him to Durmstrang instead of Hogwarts with Pandora.

A year passes and Evan is boarding the train with his sister for the first time, quickly trying to get her away from the crowds that are freaking her out. He finds a carriage with one boy in it. Regulus. They stay there and soon another boy joins. Barty Crouch Jr. In other words, Evans new best friend to be.

Evan gets sorted into Slytherin, with Pandora, Regulus and Barty, the latter two who he ends up sharing a dorm room with.

Barty Crouch Jr is seven years old when his father gets a promotion at the ministry.

He is sitting at the table, eating dinner with his family. An owl flies in, a letter tied to its leg. The ministry logo printed into the wax seal. His father took the letter and shooed the creature away, which Barty thought was unfair. He had always liked owls, with their wide clever eyes and cute little beaks. He snuck the owl a scrap of meat before it flew away.

Bartemius Crouch Sr was eyeing the letter as if it was going to blow up. Barty’s mother, Elaine, put a hand on his arm. “Dear, maybe you should open that later, it might interrupt our dinner as a family.”

“It’s from the ministry, Elaine, it has to be important.” Barty’s father snaps back before tearing open the envelope.

They sat in silence while Bartemius Sr read his letter. After a while he got up and made for the door, before pausing and turning around to face his son and wife. “I have been offered a promotion at work, I must attend a meeting now to accept it. I will be back late.” He announced before exiting the dining room and leaving through the front door.

“A shame really, I would have liked to finish dinner as a family before he had to go.” Elaine muttered under her breath and sighed. “Come on Barty, eat your peas like a good boy.”

Little did Barty know that they would no longer be a family from then on.

Bartemius Crouch Sr was away at work most of the time, and as the years passed, Barty saw less and less of his father. His father, who, would skip dinner for a meeting, who would come in the door, say hello, and then march to his study to fill out paperwork and such. His father who would neglect his family for work and in turn neglect his wife when she fell ill.

Elaine Crouch passed away on Decmber 27th, 1970, leaving an unavailable husband and father to care for her 10 year old son. As Barty predicted, his father was late to his mother’s funeral. He arrived when the ceremony was almost finished, just before they lowered her casket into the ground.

When his father spotted him, he snapped. “Stop crying boy, you will ruin my image more than you already have.”

That’s always what Barty ever was to his father. A disappointment. A tarnish to his father’s perfect work life, perfect role model, perfect image. All lies, covered up by stories of the Dark Lord, campaigns for muggle-born rights. Nobody saw how Bartemius Crouch Sr. shouted at his son. Didn’t care for him. Ignored him. Called him a nuisance when he asked for essential needs.

Nobody saw how Barty would cry himself to sleep because his dad didn’t love him. But they all saw when Barty got himself in to trouble. He made sure of that. Because if the people saw it then his dad had to as well. If society couldn’t ignore it, then his father couldn’t as well. And that is what Barty said to himself before he pulled a stunt. Each one bigger and bolder than the one before.

Like the time he mixed his father’s notes up before he gave a presentation. The time when he stole a broomstick, just because. When he went out of his way to publicly prove he supported queers. That had been funny alright. Gathered a lot of attention.

Shocked murmurs followed him for weeks and his father was going ballistic.

“I don’t want my followers to think I have a fag for a son, stop this nonsense boy, you’re ruining my image!” His father had raged.

Barty just laughed, though it struck a nerve deep down. Not like the grating annoyance his father usually hit; this was sharper. His father’s words like acid, stung and a tight feeling came across his chest. But he kept laughing, pushing away the hurt he was feeling but didn’t understand and kept on laughing.

And yes, Barty’s greatest ‘stunt’. The sorting ceremony. He would defy his father’s wishes and refuse to be sorted into Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. He would not be sorted into Hufflepuff either, he would rather die.

That left one house left, Slytherin. It was perfect. It was frowned upon by many good people. Overflowing with Death Eaters and Dark Followers. It would be funny to see Bartemius Crouch Sr, who fights for the muggle borns and half bloods, have a son that gets sorted in to Slytherin. A house that discriminates them.

Barty never really saw the bad things about wizards with muggle parents, but well, if it makes his father mad, he will do it.

So Slytherin it is, and hey, maybe he will make friends with some of the dark lord's pets, his loyalist followers and some future death eaters.

He’s boarding the train and looking for a compartment. There’s one at the back with pretty cool looking people in it. One of them he recognises, Regulus, second son of the House of Black. Perfect. So, he enters and introduces himself. An air of false self confidence that will take charge of the social activities.

The other two kids, twins, Evan and Pandora, are cool too. Part of the Rosier family. He doesn’t hear much from Pandora or Regulus, but his and Evan’s chatter fill up the space.

That night he is indeed sorted into Slytherin, with his new friends from the train. He should be the forefront of his father’s problems by tomorrow.

Dorcas Meadowes is seven years old when she first finds a girl pretty.

She is at Diagon Alley, with her mother, getting ice cream after a long day of shopping. The girl working behind the counter at Florean Fortescues was maybe 14? A few years older than Dorcas was. But all Dorcas could remember was her face, heart shaped and pixie like, with a button nose and pouty lips. Her eyes, almond shaped, the colour of ferns, twinkled with some unknown mischief.

Dorcas decided then that if she was a boy, she would marry the girl on the spot. Alas Dorcas was also a girl so that was not doable. After that incident she never saw the girl again, but did see many others.

Pretty girls now stood out to her like beacons. She would see them on the street, in her school, in the playground. Everywhere.

The first time she kissed a girl was when she was 11, the summer of 1970. The summer before she started Hogwarts. It wasn’t a proper kiss, close mouthed, short and awkward, but it had changed Dorcas’ life forever.

Maribel was her name. A muggle from a few towns over. She was pretty, brown curls, tan skins, dark eyes lined with thick lashes and pink lips. They had been talking and hanging out for a few weeks. They went down to the record shop once or twice. She was Dorcas’ best friend.

Dorcas loved the muggle shop, it had records and video tapes. Magazines and posters. Maribel was staring at a picture of Marilyn Monroe and when Dorcas asked is she was alright, the other girl looked at her and shook her head.

“Is it wrong to want to love a girl the same way a boy would love a girl?” She had asked.

“As in like, fall in love with a girl?” Dorcas had questioned.

Maribel nodded.

“I think I would like to kiss a girl, like her,” she gestured to the poster, “she’s pretty.”

Dorcas hummed in response.

Maribel looked at her from the side, “You’re pretty too, Dorcas.” She had said, so simply.

Dorcas felt her cheeks heat up and just stared at her friend, eyes wide.

Maribel leaned in closer, “would you kiss a girl?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

Dorcas nodded and scanned the area. They were in the back corner of the shop, hidden from view of the cashier and as it was a Tuesday, there was barely any people. None that could see them anyways.

She looked back to Maribel, who simply raised an eyebrow. Dorcas nodded again in lieu of an answer to Maribel’s unspoken question. The other girl took her hand and pulled her in closer. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she had said quietly into Dorcas’ ear.

“No, I want to” Dorcas answered and then her lips were against Maribel’s. It only lasted a few seconds but Dorcas knew from then on that she would only ever kiss girls.

The day after, September 1st, Dorcas had to go to school. Away from her mum, her home. Away from Maribel. They bid goodbye with a hug and Dorcas felt the other girl kiss the crown of her head.

Dorcas never saw Maribel again. She had moved back to Spain that October. She was nothing but a memory after that.

Chapter Text

Hogwarts, September 6th, 1975

Regulus is pissed off to say the least. It had barely been a week since the new term started but already teachers were assigning a shit ton of homework. “To prepare you all for your OWLs next year.” Was the excuse given by 90% of staff when handing out three-page essays due the next day.

Not to mention Barty and Evan acting like fools at every given moment. They would pull ridiculous pranks, most of them involving Peeves in one way or another and do ridiculous shit as a hobby.

They would not turn in schoolwork, would not even do it, no matter how many detentions they had gotten. Regulus had hoped fourth year would inspire a little maturity into his friends, but it was just like third year.

The funny thing was, Barty would not even look at his assignments, but if Pandora asked him to do one of hers the night before it was due, he would drop everything and write an essay that rivalled Shakespeare.

Okay that was an exaggeration if ever, there is no denying that Barty is smart at school, but his brain cells can only take him so far, especially since most of them were wasted on causing other students' migraines. Pandora did always get high marks on ‘her’ assignments though.

She had pulled that trick every night since classes started.

Regulus was just finishing an essay in the library, when Barty, seated next to him, set a book on fire.

“For fuck’s sake Barty, don’t you have any common sense?” Regulus snaps as Evan cackles at the flaming leather on the desk. In his peripheral vision, he could see Madam Pince stalking over to where the three boys sat. Regulus sighed.

He began to gather his things because no doubt she was going to throw them out. Wonderful.

“Crouch! Rosier! Black! Detention tonight, put out this mess and get out of my library.” she demanded.

“Bitch.” Evan muttered.

Regulus stared at him. “You hardly think that is an unfair punishment when Barty is setting bloody books on fire.”

“Exactly, Barty is doing it, not me, why should I be thrown out?” Evan retorted.

“Consequence by association. Aguamenti. Reparo” Regulus said pointing his wand at the charred book, because no doubt if Barty tried to fix his mess, he would make an even bigger one. On purpose.

The three of them ambled back to the common room, Evan making rude gestures at the portraits and Barty trying to trip up the first years. Yep, this was going to be a long night.

They finally made it back to the common room, only to face another problem. Pandora.

She was crying in a corner with an older girl comforting. Evan immediately stopped his shenanigans and marched right over to her. Barty and Regulus on his tail. He crouched down in front of her.

“What’s wrong Panda?” he asked, worry lining his face.

“The bitches that are unfortunately my dormmates were making fun of her hair and trying to burn it.” The other girl supplied. She gestured to the ends of Pandora’s blonde dreadlocks which were singed.

“Who?” Barty asked immediately, tone sharp.

“Lucinda Talkalot and Emma Vanity.” the girl replied.

Barty and Regulus looked at each other, before going back to Pandora. “We’ll sort it Panda, don't worry, Evan stay here, we won’t be long.” Regulus ordered, before marching out of the common room.

“His anger makes it hard for him to think, so he doesn't remember to ask the necessary questions.” Barty announced. He looked at the girl. “Where are your dormmates now?”

“Courtyard.” she said, “Fuck them up really good, will you?”

Barty smirked. “Yes ma’am.” He saluted her, before jogging out to catch up with Regulus.

“What took you so long?” The shorter boy snapped.

“Courtyard.” Barty said panting.

“What should we do to them?”

“Well, the girl said to fuck them up really good.”

“Meadowes.”

“Huh?”

Regulus stopped to look at him. “Dorcas Meadowes, 5th Year.” He stated. “The girl comforting Panda?” He continued when Barty frowned in confusion.

“Huh, if you say so. Wait. Does little Reggie have a crush?” He smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

Regulus looked aghast. “Ew, no. Fuck off.”

“Touchy today, are we?”

“Shut up.”

“What should we do anyways?” 

“I don't know, we didn't exactly plan anything.”

“You’re meant to be the brains of this operation.”

“That’s true, I'm smarter than you.”

“Oi!’ Barty elbowed Regulus, who went flying into the wall.

“What the fuck Barty?”

“Aw, you just had your first kiss, does Dorcas know you're cheating on her?”

“I hate you.”

“Nah, anyways they were making fun of Pandora’s hair, so we should do something to theirs.”

“I know a balding jinx and a full body hair growth jinx.” Regulus announced, his eyes lighting up.

“Of course, you do, which one should we use?”

 “Well two hexes and two girls, one for each?”

“I like the sound of that. I will put an irreversible charm on them as well, so they cannot change it for 48 hours.”

“Make it 72.”

“Yes boss.”

They had reached the courtyard by now. Barty was scanning the area for the two unsuspecting girls.

“Over there.” Regulus declared, before marching over in the direction of the fountain.

Barty followed and watched as one of the girls’ hair disappeared and the other one’s face sprouted beard, thick bushy eyebrows as well as brown wiry bristles coating her arms.

He sniggered and placed the charm on the girls who were now freaking out and set the timer for 96 hours, before draping an arm around Regulus who was smirking as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.

“Crouch! Black!” a shout rang out.

“Oh boy” Regulus grumbled before turning to face the opposer. “Lupin, what do you want?” he asked.

That got Barty’s attention. “Lupin!” He cried and sent the older boy a wink. “Looking delicious as always.”

Regulus turned to look at Barty, so fast he heard a crack in his neck. “Stop that. Stop flirting with him. No, just stop.” He sounded strangled.

“Why, Reg, I didn't take you for a homophobe.” Barty raised an eyebrow.

“N-no, I-I'm not, just-” he gestured with his hands. “No flirting with people that my brother is involved with.”

“Oh? They are together? Hm, well I can work with a threesome.” He looked at Lupin whose face was bright red. “What do you say handsome?” he grinned winking again.

“Barty! What did I just say! Stop for fuck’s sake.” Regulus swatted him.

It took every ounce of self-control not to burst out laughing at the horror on Regulus’s face.

“No, me and Sirius, we aren't together.” Lupin said drawing the boys’ eyes back to him. He looked at the girls, who were still freaking out. “Reverse the hex.” He ordered.

“Can’t, I put a locking charm on it, can't be reversed until 96 hours have passed.” Barty shrugged as if to say, ‘what can you do.’

“I thought I said 72 hours.” Regulus challenged.

Barty looked back at him.” Are you complaining?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Regulus shrugged. “Nope.” he drawled, popping the ‘p.’ He turned back to Lupin. “So, I am assuming you came over here to reprimand us, what will it be.”

“Seeing as you two put a deliberate hex that can't be reversed for four days, you each will get four days of detention as your punishment.” Lupin concluded.

“Hmm, I can think of another way you could-” Barty drawled and bit his lip while taking in the older boy, “punish us.” he finished meeting Lupin’s eyes with a suggestive smirk.

“Barty!” Regulus cried.

“Don’t mind him Lupin, he’s a bottom through and through and is just acting horrified to hide his appeal towards what I’m suggesting.” Barty informed.

Regulus squawked. “I am not a bottom, and I don't find this,” he gestured around, “one bit appealing.”

“Oh, he’s a bottom, trust me, I would know.” Barty staged whispered to Lupin, who just sighed.

“Fuck this shit, I'm out, don't forget your detentions.” He said and walked off.

Regulus met Barty’s eye murderously. “Don’t ever flirt with Lupin again or I swear, I might actually kill you.”

Barty shrugged and nodded his head in Lupin’s direction, “No promises, but you have to admit, he does have a nice arse.”

Regulus just shook his head and stalked off in the direction of their common room.

When they arrived, Pandora, Evan and Dorcas were nowhere to be seen.

“Maybe they did what we should have done with Lupin and went off to have a threesome.” Barty suggested.

“Fucking hell, stop with the threesomes already!” Regulus cried. “They're probably up in our dorm.” he sighed and marched over to the stairs.

Like Regulus had said, they did indeed find the three of them in their dorm room, on Evan’s bed.

“All done.” Barty announced as Regulus flopped down on his bed with a dramatic groan.

“What did you do?” Dorcas asked.

“Well for one of them, we made her bald and the other we made her grow hair all over her body.” Barty smirked.

Evan laughed, “Nice one.”

“I agree, that’s brilliant.” Dorcas piped up with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“That’s our devious Reg-the-egg for you.”

“Call me that again and I’ll cut your tongue out.” came the muffled response.

“What's wrong with him?” Evan raised a brow.

“He is pissed off because I was ‘fraternizing with the enemy.’” Barty explained.

“In other words, shamelessly flirting with Lupin for no reason.” Regulus elaborated.

“He has a nice arse, and those arms, like yes please."

Regulus looked horrified, Evan was trying not to laugh, Dorcas’ face was slack from shock and Pandora was playing with the other girl’s braids.

“I’m just saying what everyone else is, not like I’m queer or anything.” Barty shrugs.

Regulus gave him the finger. Barty turned to Dorcas, who was fixing Pandora’s hair and adding colorful beads to the dreads, “I’m Barty, and well that’s Regulus.”

Dorcas nodded, “Dorcas.” she said, to which Barty replied with “I know.”

She raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “Reggie talks about you.” he elaborated and that brought him out of his brooding.

“I do not talk about her; I merely just informed you of her name earlier because I happened to know of her.” He snapped, face red.

Dorcas laughed quietly, “Don’t worry, from what I hear already, I am more inclined to believe you over Barty.”

Regulus nodded and laid back on his bed, glaring at Barty who was making his way over to sit by the other boy’s head. “You can fuck off away from me now.” He snapped and Barty scoffed.

“Please you love me.”

“Nuh uh, You’re a little bitch. I don’t like little bitches.”

“But you’re my little bitch” Barty waggled his eyebrows, and dodged a pillow Regulus threw at him.

“I am so confused right now,” Dorcas murmurs, eyes flicking between the pair, “Are they like, together, or something?” She asks Pandora.

“Together? Like as in dating?”

Dorcas nods.

Pandora considers the two boys for a while. Barty catches her staring and raises an eyebrow in question.

“Are you two dating?” She asks shamelessly.

Regulus fake retches at the question. “I would literally never.” He states firmly.

“Yeah, no, again, not a queer.” Barty adds, “But I’m not blind either, I can recognize when someone is hot or good looking, guy or girl.”

The girls exchange a glance.

“Seems pretty queer to me, not going to lie.” Dorcas whispers.

Pandora hums in affirmation.

“You know, I’ve heard that some people can like both, guys and girls, I don’t want to make assumptions or insult your friends, but I think Barty might be like that.”

Pandora shrugs, “if he is, good for him, but I’m just going to give you a heads up that there will be a lot of drama if he ever realizes it.”

“Why would I care for something that might happen to your friends in the future?” Dorcas asks, genuinely curious rather than malicious.

Pandora stares at her like she’s after growing an extra head. “You’re our friend too now. The boys are quits protective of me because I’m a bit of an easy target, but since you helped me, I’m sure they consider you a friend.”

“Wait, really?”

“Mhm, Evan likes you; I can tell, Barty is a little insane so he can be hard to understand sometimes, but he likes people, especially those who have fun. Regulus is just antisocial, but he hasn’t threatened your life yet so even though it might take time, he’ll warm up to you. Maybe give it a few days.”

“And what about you?”

Pandora regards the question for a few seconds. “You helped me, and you're helping me now too as we speak, you’re kind and a bit funny too, you’re understanding of me, you’re quiet too which I like as opposed to,” she waves in Barty’s direction, “that.”

Dorcas huffs a laugh.

“You’re also confident, and pretty too, and you give off good energy. I get nice vibes from you, so I hope that you’re here to stay in my life as one of my closest friends.

“I would be honored to be your friend, Pandora.”

“Well, there you have it, between you and me we might be able to install a bit of order into the chaos that is Barty and Evan.”

Dorcas just smiles.

Hogwarts, 7th September 1975

The next morning at breakfast Lucinda and Emma are watching Regulus and Barty carefully, while also making quiet digs about Pandora. They also can’t help but notice how Dorcas sits across from the blonde, engaging in a conversation with her. A new addition to the group, it may seem.

The boys don’t pay much attention to her which appeals to the two girls, someone they could get away with hurting. Their new target. But they would have to bide their time, until they have nothing that any of the five could come back with.

Barty is relaying the events of the day before to Evan while Regulus dramatizes like he is in mortal peril. The latter gets up, a few minutes into Barty’s tangent of Lupin’s ass, announcing he needs to go back to the dorm room for something.

When Regulus stands up, Barty can’t help but notice the red stain on the seat. “Reg,” he says, “are you- are you bleeding?” He gestures to the bench and notices how the blood drains from Regulus’ face. Evan is looking at Pandora’s latest drawing, so he misses the conversation, but Dorcas who is seated at the other side of Regulus doesn’t.

“Finish your cereal Barty, I can take care of this. Regulus?” She gestures to the door and cleans up the stain before following the younger boy.

The younger boy who is struggling.

Dorcas takes in the way his knee buckles slightly and how his eyes are closed tight, hands pressed to his face and breath stuttered.

“Regulus,” she says calmly, “I am going to lead you over to a secluded alcove so you can gather yourself and your thoughts. Can I touch you?”

Regulus nods so she takes his arm and gently guides him over to said alcove, where she eases him to the floor. Regulus ducks his head, resting it on his knees with his arms wrapped around his legs.

Dorcas slowly takes his hand, giving him time to pull back if he wants, and presses it to her chest, above her heart. “Can you feel that? Can you feel my heart and my breathing?”

Regulus looks up, tears in his eyes but not yet fallen and nods.

“Okay, so I’m going to take some deep breaths and you're going to try do the same.” She holds his gaze, “is that okay with you?”

“Yes.” he whispers.

So, Dorcas does just that, it takes a while, maybe six or seven breaths, but Regulus eventually falls into sync with her. Once his breathing is back to normal, she crawls over beside him.

“Is it ok if I hold you for a while, until you feel a bit better?”

Regulus hesitates, but leans into her after a few seconds, and Dorcas puts her arms around him, pulling him close.

The younger boy is stiff at first, still trembling, but eventually stills and relaxes.

He pulls away after a few minutes and Dorcas lets him.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, eyes cast downward.

“Never apologise Regulus.”

“I guess, I owe you an explanation.” He says, reluctantly.

“You don’t have to explain in detail, but maybe enlighten on the bleeding so that I know your not going to die.” Dorcas smiles a little, in what she hopes is a supportive manner.

He chews at his lip. “You’re a girl, yes?”

That catches Dorcas a little off guard, but she nods anyways.

“The bleeding, I-, you- well, most girls bleed a lot, from, you know,” he trails off.

“Oh menstruation? Yeah, wait- is, is that what’s happening to you?” She questions.

Regulus shrugs and nods.

“But- but you’re a boy, no?”

He sighs. “Not a proper one, I was born a girl. But I never saw myself as one, but then when I was seven, I cut my hair and put on my brother's robes and I looked like a boy and I liked looking in the mirror then, I didn’t before. But my mother didn’t like it until I was ten, Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, and they needed a spare heir just in case he rebelled, so my mother let me become a boy then and now-”

Dorcas cuts him off by raising her hand. “So let me get this straight, you’re a boy now, but you were born a girl, so you have the body of a girl, and therefore the internal organs of a girl so it’s possible for you to menstruate?”

Regulus looks pale, like he’s frozen but also wants to run, and Dorcas softens upon seeing the clear fear on his face. He nods anyway.

Dorcas immediately wraps him in a hug, like the last time it takes him a few seconds to relax into it. “Sorry,” she mumbles, “I should have asked first.”

Regulus shakes his head into her shoulder, “it’s okay,” he replies, his voice thick, “just try not to in front of other people.”

“Of course,” she nods, “wouldn’t want to fuck up your bad boy image.”

That gets a laugh out of him, but it only lasts a few seconds before it turns to tears. Immediately she sinks to the ground with him again and mumbles into his hair. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re okay, it’s fine, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, take your time, we’re in no rush, let it all out if you need to.”

If anything, that makes Regulus cry harder, but Dorcas holds him the whole time. It was such a change in demeanor from the day before, but she didn’t care, if what she had observed was correct, Regulus didn’t let himself feel emotions most of the time and that wasn’t healthy, so times when he breaks down are needed and not to be cut short or rushed.

She gently rocks them back and forth, side to side, and after a while Regulus stops crying. He doesn’t pull away however, and Dorcas doesn’t either, giving him time to recollect himself before they have to speak.

“I’m sorry if I reacted badly, it just came as a bit of a shock, I have heard of people like that but never actually met one before.” She whispers after a while.

Regulus snorts, “you make it sound as if I’m a rare species of animal or something.”

Unable to help herself, she laughs. “But seriously, I probably didn’t react the way I should have, it didn’t help you at all. I know that must be a very private and special piece of information for you and I’m happy that you trust me with it, and I hope you didn’t feel obligated to elaborate about the bleeding and if you did, I’m sorry, boys don’t get periods, so I was a bit confused but it all makes sense now. And I will not tell anyone, nobody, unless you state very clearly ‘Dorcas, you can tell this person that I was born female’ I will take your secret to the grave.”

Regulus blinks and averts his gaze, “thank you,” he mumbles, eyes trained on his shoes. The he huffs out a half laugh, “I can’t believe I have known you for less than twenty-four hours and you’ve already seen me break down, neither of the twins or Barty have seen me like that and they’ve been my friends for four years!”

Dorcas laughs as well, “I will always be here for you Regulus, if you want to cry or scream or kick or punch or even just a hug, I will never say no, if that’s what you need.”

Regulus nods, too overwhelmed to trust his words.

“Okay come on, we’ll go back to the dorms, and I’ll get you some supplies and show you how to use them, we can take the morning off and the whole day if you want. Do you have any back pain or cramps? I have painkillers for those and a hot water bottle too if you need it.”

Regulus nods again and follows the older girl down to the dungeons. They make small talk along the way, conversing about schoolwork and Dorcas’ OWLs which were going to take place at the end of the year.

They get Regulus his stuff and seek refuge in his dorm, where he reads an Oscar Wilde book and Dorcas finishes a sketch of a dress she had designed. A while later Regulus announces that he is going for a shower, and Dorcas takes the time alone to organize questions she was curious about and mulled over if it was appropriate to ask them or not.

When Regulus comes back into the room, he sees the look on Dorcas’ face and sighs. “If you want to ask something you can, just when we’re alone though.” He states, raising and eyebrow.

Dorcas smiles a bit and chews her lip. “If you have the body of a girl, where are your tits?” She blurts out.

Regulus’ left brow joined the other in his hairline, “that’s your question?”

“One of them.”

“Wow, okay.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine, a fairly reasonable question actually. I developed a concealment charm that makes it look as if I have a flat chest, but like if you touch it, it’s clear I have ‘tits.”

“I’m sorry, you developed a spell?!”

Regulus nodded, “it took a while, but yeah, I did.”

Dorcas lets out a slow whistle. “Impressive, not many fourteen-year-olds can do that you know.”

Regulus smiles sheepishly.

“And your voice, how is it so deep, yet so natural too?”

“I just kind of trained myself off of Barty’s voice, it took a while, but I now naturally speak at the same pitch as him. I took vocal lessons when I was younger too, so that kind of helped.”

Dorcas nods. “Makes sense. Who else knows?”

“My parents, my brother too, you obviously, but the rest of the world thinks the female me is dead. My mother put out to the newspapers of ‘my’ death and then changed my identity, and then at the memorial for my ‘twin,’ she mixed in a potion into everyone’s drink that created false memories of me as a child so that nobody would be suspicious.”

“Why the name Regulus?”

“All Black family members are named after stars, my mother wanted to keep tradition, so she gave me a masculine star name instead.”

“That’s all the questions I have deemed appropriate to ask for now.”

Regulus laughs and shakes his head. “Okay then, let me know if you have anymore.”

Dorcas beams at him, “will do!”

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 9th September 1975

Regulus is trying to write down all the notes on veritaserum in potions class when a commotion sounds outside. The door flies open, and Regulus wants to scream at the sight of his idiotic brother and equally idiotic James Potter.

"Hi professor" Sirius starts.

"Sorry professor." James pants.

"We need to borrow Regulus for the rest of class."

"Thanks professor."

And then Regulus was being dragged by his brother, out of the classroom, down the hallway and out a side door, which led to the greenhouses.

"What the fuck Sirius? Let go of me!" Regulus snatched his hand back, out of his brother's grasp. "What is so important that you had to drag me from my class?"

"Okay, so, Reggie-"

"Don't call me that." Regulus snaps.

"Got it, anyways, we need a favor. Well James needs a favor. I'm just here so you don't do some crazy shit, like try gouge his eyeballs out because he made a stupid joke."

Beside him, James audibly gulps at Sirius' remark.

"Whatever it is, it better be important. And only if I deem it important will I do it."

"Better leave it mate, I'll find another way, Regulus probably won't deem it important." James interjects, sighing.

"See, he calls me by my name, you could learn a thing or two Sirius." Regulus reprimands, still miffed over the childish nickname.

"James, let's not jump to conclusions now, he might agree." Sirius grins.

"Doubt it."

"Can someone please tell me what the fuck I'm meant to be doing?!" Regulus snaps.

"Poetry." Sirius states, holding his gaze.

"Elaborate."

"Do you write poems? I feel like you would be the type to write poems."

"Yes, I do." Regulus mutters, blushing.

"Brilliant, love poems?" Sirius asks with a shit-eating grin.

Regulus stares at him. "Who would I be writing love poems for?"

"Hopefully, James."

Regulus nearly chokes. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, no, not like that. Well yes like that, a bit, kind of?"

"Sirius."

"Yes right, explanation. James here, wants to woo a certain Lily Evans, and we are helping him. Have been for years."

"Who's 'we' and what do I have to do with this?"

"Me, James, Remus and Pete, and we need your help in the next step of our plan."

"What plan?"

"Make Evans fall in love with James, keep up Reggi-Regulus."

"Nice save."

"Wasn't it just?"

"Sirius, I am this close to losing my shit at you, so tell me what you want and leave me the fuck alone."

"We- well I, I want you to write me a love poem that I can pretend I wrote and give to Lily." James speaks up.

"Why me?"

Sirius stares at him, "You write poems, you just said."

Regulus frowns, "Yeah, but why not Lupin?"

"Remus doesn't write poems." James argues.

"Yes, yes he does." Regulus retorts.

"And how do you know?" Sirius challenges.

"I found his journal in like Second Year or something, I found him in the library reading Dante-"

"Who?" James interrupts.

"Dante Alighieri, he was an Italian author and poet in the 13th and 14th century. Lupin was reading some of his works when I went over to him, I saw what he was reading and we had a conversation about poetry, he showed me one of his that he had written about the moon in his journal and said that he liked to write poems as a way to get things off his chest."

"Damn, I never knew that." Sirius pouts.

"You've been his friends for five bloody years!" Regulus exclaims.

"He never told us." James shrugs.

"I can see why."

"Oi! What is that supposed to mean?" Sirius frowns.

"What's in it for me if I do this for you?"

"So, you'll do it?" James inquires eagerly.

"That's not what I said, I asked what I will get if I do this for you." Regulus replies coolly.

"Well, what do you want Reg?" Sirius asks.

Regulus thinks for a minute, then he turns to his brother, "Je veux de nouveaux vêtements. Ma mère ne m’achète rien d’autre que mon uniforme ou ma robe de soirée parce que cela signifie admettre que je suis maintenant un garçon. Tu vas m’acheter des vêtements plus décontractés, que je pourrai porter quand je veux sans me soucier des taches, de la poussière et des larmes et d’autres choses comme ça, qui donneraient un anévrisme à tout sang pur."

"Tu ne peux pas le faire toi-même ?" Sirius retorts, raising an eyebrow.

"Oui, mais je ne veux pas dépenser mon argent. Je veux dépenser le vôtre. Alors je fais ça pour James et tu m’emmènes à Pré-au-Lard ce week-end." Regulus says back.

"Regulus, tu me demandes un rendez-vous ? Je veux dire, je comprends que tu tiens à la tradition, mais dans notre famille, c'est généralement avec un cousin qu'on se marie, pas avec un frère." Sirius smirks.

Regulus' mouth falls open in shock. "Sirius, ew, what the fuck?! No! That's- No. That is not what I mean. Never. Eugh!"

Sirius laughs hysterically and James just looks confused as ever.

"Fine, just give me the money and I'll go with Dorcas or something." Regulus snaps.

"Also, you're doing this for James, so why am I paying for your clothes? Why not him."

"Fine. He gives me the money and I'll go off with Dorcas."

"Who's Dorcas?" James pipes up.

"Meadowes. We are friends. She's in your year." Regulus informs him.

"Oh!" James flaps his hands at Sirius. "Isn't that the one Marlene is always going on about?!"

"The one with the braids?" Sirius questions Regulus.

He nods, confused.

"Oh! McKinnon, will go crazy at the prospect of my little brother being friends with the Dorcas Meadowes."

Now Regulus was really confused. Marlene McKinnon talking about Dorcas? And the way his brother was talking about it, it seemed as if his friend was a popular topic of McKinnon's interest.

“What exactly am I paying for again?” James asks, breaking Regulus’ train of thought.

“Clothes.” Regulus responds.

James opens his mouth, to say something against Regulus’ statement, but decides against it.

“20 galleons?” he asks instead.

Regulus shrugs, and nods.

“So, you will do it? You will help me?” James asks.

“Against my will but fine, it would be nice to practice my poetry, without Barty or Evan peering over my shoulder.”

“Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!” Sirius curses from where he’s hunched over a piece of parchment.

“Sirius, shut the actual fuck up!” Regulus snaps.

“Sprout is on her way, and we can’t get out without getting caught.”

“So what? The worst you’ll get is detention?”

“Shut up Reggie. I don’t want to be seen skipping class with you of all people.” Sirius bites back, somewhat absent-mindedly.

And ouch. That hurt. Regulus can’t help the way he flinches at Sirius’ harsh words and the way James slowly lets out a breath, he noticed. Shit.

He’s jerked from his hurt when the feeling of fabric drapes his shoulders, covering him completely.

He looks up to see James fiddling with the cloth.

“What the fuck?” he hisses.

“It’s an invisibility cloak, it’ll keep us hidden completely.” James murmurs back.

“Why do we have to be so close?”

“To keep everything hidden, don’t want your feet poking out, do we?” James’ grin fades when he sees the visible discomfort on Regulus’ face.

“We can sit down” he whispers, “It’ll allow for more space, so you won’t be pressed up against me, while still hiding us from view.”

Regulus nods and that’s how he finds himself sitting beside James Potter, of all people, on the floor of the greenhouse.

“What about Sirius?” he asks.

James snorts, “after that comment he made about you, he should be taken down a peg or two, let him get his detention.”

Regulus feels his cheeks grow warm at the fact that James Potter, someone he severely dislikes, letting Sirius take a knocking, just because he insulted him. Sometimes it was hard to dislike James.

Sprout walks in 30 seconds later and upon seeing Sirius, she smiles. “Ah, Mister Black, doing some studying for Peter, eh? He mentioned you might be down here gathering notes for him, I would hate to disturb you from helping a friend, but it happens that Minerva was looking for you a while ago, best you go see her now, she’s probably in her office.”

Sirius nods visibly confused but leaves the greenhouse. Sprout follows a few minutes later, bringing a snapping dragon with her.

Regulus wriggles out from under the cloak the minute she’s gone, staring at the door, while James folds the invisibility cloak so it would fit in his pocket.  “Wonder what McGonagall wants with him” he states, a tinge of worry running through him at the possibility his mother might have to get involved. 

James hums, “Yeah me-” he cuts himself off. Regulus turns and sees realization take over the other boy’s face. “Oh, oh shit.” He says, eyes wide.

“What? What is it?” Regulus asks.

“I- the prophet, have you seen todays?” James is speaking quickly, which means it takes an extra second to figure out what he’s saying behind his Spanish accent.

He shakes his head and James pulls out a copy from his pocket, (Seriously, how big are his pockets?) and hands it over to Regulus, hands slightly trembling. “I saw the headline, but didn’t show it to him at breakfast, I was planning on showing him later but- well yeah.” He trails off, eyes slightly glassy behind his actual glasses.

Regulus looks down at the paper and feels his stomach drop at the headline.

ALPHARD BLACK FOUND DEAD

“Fuck” he hisses.

“Are you okay?” James asks.

Regulus shrugs, he didn’t know Alphard that well, but Sirius was in close contact with him. He felt sadness on his brother’s behalf, but mainly anger that his mother had done this on purpose to hurt Sirius.

“Do they know who did it?” He asks James, not bothering to read the full article.

James sighs, “No, it said he was crucioed for a good while, until he passed out and then the killing curse was used.”

“It was our mother.” He states, trying to control himself so that he wouldn’t start shaking form anger.

“How do you know?” James asks.

Regulus raises an eyebrow, “Isn’t it obvious? I mean the cruciatus curse is practically our mother’s signature move. She has a motive too, she did it to hurt Sirius and to try and prevent him fucking up our family’s image. She found out they were in contact with each other two weeks ago, so she beat Sirius, burnt all the letters and then I overheard her talking to Father about how she was going to make Alphard pay for trying to corrupt her heir.”

James looks stunned and shakes his head muttering to himself in Spanish. James speaking Spanish shouldn’t do something unpleasant to Regulus’ heart. But it does and Regulus doesn’t know why. Eugh, feelings.

“What was that comment Sprout made about Sirius studying? He’d rather die than study, he got me to do all his essays and reports over the summer.” Regulus says

“Lazy prick.” James laughs, “Sometimes he skips class here with Remus after a bad mo-” He pauses, shakes his head and continues on with a different word, “moment, they come down here to smoke, and when Sprout caught them they made up an excuse of checking something for Pete, who continued on the lie so now it’s just kind of the general excuse they use.”

Regulus’ brain absorbs the other words but he is too focused on the slip-up to notice James had stopped talking. What was he going to say? Something he shouldn’t have about either Remus or Sirius obviously, but what exactly? Regulus was invested now and was going to make it his mission to find out what it was.

After a few seconds of stilted silence on James’ behalf, Regulus sighs deciding to come back to it later. “Should we get started then?”

James cocks an eyebrow.

“The poem?” Regulus quizzes exasperatedly.

“Oh right, yes, the poem, what are you going to write?”

“I don’t bloody know, you tell me.”

“I’m not a poet!”

Regulus rolls his eyes, “I mean tell me things about her that I should include in the poem, dumbass”

“Did you just call me a dumbass?”

“You’re only proving my point, now, start talking.”

James wracks his brains (not that there are many, mind you.) “I-I guess I like her eyes, they’re very…green.”

“Wow, you have such an expanded vocabulary. You’re not a five year old, Potter, I know you’re slow but surely you can do better than that.” Regulus bites.

“Her hair! Yes, I like her hair, it’s fiery. Like her temper, she gets mad at me quickly, I like that.”

“Much better,” Regulus hums, storing the adjective ‘fiery’ away for later use, “continue.”

“She can be downright ruthless sometimes with her insults. They’re clever, it’s like she lures you in with those eyes and they pick your soul apart while you’re distracted by her freckled skin, and then when she has your secrets and insecurities, she uses them like a blade, cuts you deep with the knife that is her sharp tongue, but you enjoy it because of her voice. It gets all harsh and icy, but yet its so quiet, and-”

He stops talking as Regulus raises a hand, internally mulling over James’ words. He could work great levels with those. Turns out Potter wasn’t completely useless after all. Pity. Regulus quite liked mocking the other boy.

“Parchment and a quill.” He orders to which James delivers. Regulus rubs his hand over his face, and starts to pace, staring at the parchment in his hands, trying to see words that he had thought of. Once he got his adjectives in order, he sat on the floor and began to write, once the words started flowing, they didn’t stop until 20 minutes later and the poem was finished.

He looks up at James who is playing with a piece of thread and clears his throat.

James’ gaze snaps up and he bites his lip stifling a grin.

Regulus looks down at his words and begins to read;

“Like a flame to a moth, I cannot resist the pull of attraction for the brazen strands that were once woven from fortune itself tempt me, giving air to a drowning man, that is me.

Like an explorer searching for gold, instead I find the wealth inside your emerald gaze.

The gaze that pulls man in, searching for soul hidden secrets, and I let you find them because how can I think of anything other than the beauty before me?

A siren amongst waves, you distract me from land and lure me to the ocean, I go to you willingly because there shall be no universe where we are not together.

As I climb the rocks, waves beating my feet, I surrender to you; The freckles beam at me, tease me, like the stars, I can see but not touch because something about them will kill me.

The heat of your skin ignites me so I let you tear open my heart, and swallow it only to spit it back out at me. I withstand what others deem torture, because it comes from you.

The sharpness of your tongue like a deadly blade that I embrace, because what is love if it doesn’t hurt?

I would go through Hell, if you are waiting, only to find you perched on your throne, for you are royalty amongst peasants.

You are striking amongst beauty.

You are Goddess amongst mortal.

Empress amongst women.

If I am the match, then you are the flame.

If I am the light of the sun, then you are the fire that burns it.

The embers that consume me whole, while also the coolness that makes it pleasant.

You are life itself, warmth, hospitality and shelter from the damage from others.

I go to you to make my heart to ashes, burned by your fire, taking away the shadows while leaving a mark of your own.

I am merely a poor man, and you are my queen.

You are my everything, Lily.”

Regulus holds his breath, waiting for James’ response. When he doesn’t get it he begins to talk, “I didn’t ask if you wanted a rhyme or structure, I can change that. You know what I’ll change everything, its horrible. Maybe get Remus to write the next one? He would be better. Here you-”

James finally finds it in him to speak so he does, “Regulus,” he breathes, cutting the other boy off from his nonsensical rambling. “It’s beautiful, it’s perfect, I love it. I mean how? In such short time and all. I think she’ll like it, I myself love it and its not even about me.”

Regulus frowns. “Really?” He inquires skeptically.

“Yes! How could I not, it’s amazing, you’re amazing. I love your mind, especially since it came up with this!”

Regulus shrugs. “Here,” he hands the poem over. “Now stop bothering me.” And he makes his way back up to the castle, mind still reeling from James’ words.

‘I love your mind’ He had said. But what exactly did it mean? And why does it make him feel different?

He asks Pandora about it. She’s so insightful, she knows how to decipher Regulus’ feelings better than he can. Not that he can at all.

“It’s probably because you’re not used to being given compliments. You’re quite scary, Reg, so when people want to compliment you, they see your resting face and change their mind, fearing the case where you might hex them. And you don’t have many other friends to be honest. Teachers don’t really bother with that sort of encouragement, which is kind of a problem, but my point is, that being complimented so freely, is new territory for you, and that it will take some time to adjust to it.” Pandora says.

Something annoys her about the poem, but it probably comes from Sirius only talking to Regulus when the former wants something.

Dorcas trudges in, sighing when she sees Pandora and immediately making her way over to the younger girl. She drops her head in her lap, braids splaying all over Pandora’s thighs.  

“What’s the matter Dorcas?” She asks, curious as to why her friend seems so sullen.

“McKinnon.” Dorcas groans.

“McKinnon? What about her?” Regulus pipes up.

“She- she tripped. And I caught her, and when she saw it was me she started mumbling, and meet my eyes, and once all her stuff was gathered, she practically sprinted away from me, and it bothers me because I never did anything to her, so why doesn’t like me?” Dorcas sighs.

Regulus hums. “I think she might like you more than you realise.”

Dorcas sits up swiftly, nearly hitting Pandora in the face. “What? What does that mean Reg? What do you know?” She cries.

Regulus smiles at her desperation. “I was talking with my brother today, I mentioned you and Potter started flapping like a bird, and saying shit like, ‘isn’t that the one Marlene is always talking about?’ And Sirius was like ‘yeah, McKinnon will freak when I tell her that my brother is friends with the Dorcas Meadowes.’ I was confused about why she would be talking about you but now, by your little interaction with her it makes a lot more sense.”

Pandora giggles. “It sounds like she might have a crush on you Dorcas!” She squeals.

Dorcas frowns. “But she’s a girl” she argues.

Regulus raises an eyebrow, “Is that a problem?”

“N-no, I just, I can’t.” She trails off.

“It’s alright if you’re straight Dorcas, just, please, for her sake, don’t treat her differently because of it.” Pandora reassures.

“I-I won’t.” She squeaks.

Dorcas’ mind is reeling. A girl has a crush on her? And Marlene McKinnon of all people? It can’t be true. She’s too pretty to like other girls. There’s no way. But, then again, Pandora has never been wrong. Maybe Regulus explained it unjust and the other girl got the wrong idea.

Dorcas needs to confirm this for herself. She’ll ask Marlene about the game in two weeks, the first quidditch match of the year. She will then judge by her reaction, if there’s a possibility that Pandora might be right. Yes, she has a plan. And she’ll stick to it.

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 22nd September 1975

It has been nearly two weeks since ‘The McKinnon Incident’ as Dorcas likes to call it and today is the day of the quidditch match. The day Dorcas will test Marlene’s nerves around her.

Potter had managed to book the pitch at 7am that morning, for practice a few hours before the match. The Gryffindor team were expected to be there, so Dorcas went to the stands to watch Marlene. Dorcas never played quidditch herself, but her cousins did, so she knew her way around the sport. And how to spot the most valuable player on the team. Potter, Black and McKinnon were in the top three, the latter two tying for second best.

Dorcas stifled a yawn as she watched the team practice. She says team but she is only watching the blonde beater that is in no way gentle or graceful, like Black, but is still beautiful in her own harsh way. After another half hour the team stops and is dismissed for breakfast.

Most of the team hit the showers but Marlene was sitting on the damp grass fiddling with her broom and gloves. Potter goes over to her but when she shakes her head at him, he follows the rest of his team to the changing rooms, leaving her alone. Excellent.

Dorcas walked quickly down the steps of the stands, hoping that the other girl would not leave just yet. Her luck was granted, and McKinnon was still deep in thought when she approached. She was muttering to herself in another language as she fixed her gloves. Dorcas did not know what it was, but it was enchanting, a language that would sound too bold for someone else, but Marlene was the definition of bold, so it worked on her.

Marlene only looks up when Dorcas’ shadow envelopes her. Immediately her face turns pink, and she averts her gaze and clears her throat. “Meadowes.” she greets weakly.

Oh, Dorcas liked this game. “McKinnon,” she says back, cheerily.

“Wha- what can I do for you?” Marlene stammers out. She was looking at Dorcas again, her face or rather her lips. Dorcas notices of course, so she bites her lip and draws it out from her teeth. Marlene’s face turns even more red, which Dorcas did not believe could be possible before.

“Nothing much, just wanted to ask how you're feeling about the game later.” Dorcas smiles.

“Uh, kind of excited, why?”

Dorcas ignores the last bit and decides to try and fluster her even more. “You’re not nervous?” she shakes her head, “No, of course you aren’t, you’re the best beater around, in my opinion.” she continues, smirking when she hears Marlenes breath catch.

“Th-thanks?” The other girl stutters, not sure what to make of the compliment.

“No problem,” Dorcas drawls out, “Good luck Marlene, I’ll be watching.” she winks and turns away, walking back to the castle, feeling the other girl’s eyes on her as she leaves.

She laughs to herself as she recalls Marlene’s face when she first walked over. Now that Pandora had suggested the idea, everything started falling into place. It seemed like she was right. McKinnon was attracted to Dorcas. The only problem was, Dorcas was not sure what to feel about that. Sure, Marlene was attractive, but did that mean Dorcas was attracted to her?

She wanted a girlfriend, but if there were no real feelings for Marlene, then she might end up hurting the other girl. That would not do. She decided to just leave it and just go with the flow if it arises again.

She makes her way to her friends at the Slytherin table and notices Regulus is missing.

“Where’s Reg?” she asks, grabbing a croissant from the table, and sitting down.

“Well hello to you too Dorcas, I am fine, thanks for asking, what about you? How is your morning going? Good? Well, that is nice. Did you sleep well? You did? Well, that is great, could never be me.” Barty snarks back and Evan snorts into his juice.

Pandora smacks her brother over the head. “You’re making a mess,” she complains. “Don’t laugh into your drink again.”

“Sorry Panda.” he sighs sheepishly and vanishes the mess, “Regulus is in the library by the way.” He informs Dorcas. She nods, turning back to her breakfast.

“So where were you?” Barty asks.

“Pitch.” She states, taking a bite.

Barty and Evan look at each other. “Why?” the latter asks.

Dorcas turns to Pandora, “I think you were right about McKinnon.” she smiles and Pandora squeals, “I told you." She beams.

Evan and Barty look confused, waiting for an explanation, but they never got any.

Just then Regulus plops down on the seat next to Dorcas. She smiles at him, and he leans in close to whisper in her ear.

“When I was in the library, Lily Evans was there too, a few minutes ago, Macdonald comes running in with McKinnon behind her. Macdonald starts squealing at Evans and McKinnon explains excitedly that you and wished her good luck in the game after their practice and winked. Then Evans got excited, and she and Macdonald were giggling while McKinnon was freaking out. Thought you would want to know.” Regulus smirks pulling away and reaching for a mug. He fills it with water before transfiguring it to coffee because they do not serve caffeine at Hogwarts. Atrocious behavior, really. If Dorcas could not transfigure it, she might die without the caffeine.

“Seriously, what is with all the secrets?” Barty cries.

Pandora and Regulus both look at Dorcas questioningly. She shrugs and nods.

“We think Marlene McKinnon might have a crush on Dorcas.” Pandora giggles.

“McKinnon?” She's a girl.” Evan says frowning.

Dorcas snorts as Regulus dryly says, “What?! Really?! I never noticed that. It is brand new information; thank Salazar, you have eyes. I do not think any of us would have known otherwise.”

Mulciber, who was passing behind, snorts loudly and Dorcas jumps, a horrible feeling settling in her stomach. "Ew, Meadowes is a fag!" He booes loudly, his friends all laughing behinf him. 

"We should curse it! Get it out of our school!"

"What's wrong, Meadowes, are we being too mean?" Mulciber pouts, bending down to try catch her eye. "Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you, bitch." He grabs her chin promptly to get stabbed in the groin by Pandora and her butter knife. "You fucking-" he wheezes, "filthy fucking dykes, such a waste of pussy."

Dorcas felt as if she was going to be sick. Avery continues Mulciber's spiel. "We should just kill the lot of you, fucking freaks of nature."

"Shut the fuck up." Barty hisses, reaching for his wand. Evan stops him, glaring at the rest of them behind her. 

"Leave us alone."

Regulus had his head down, fully focused on eating his breakfast. He flinches when Avery laughs, dropping his spoon into his bowl of cereal with a splash and a loud clatter.

"Or what? You going to curse me? Don't tell me you actually support this cunt." He jabs his wand into the back of Dorcas' neck, causing her to whimper in pain. "What, you like that? Too busy sucking cunt to realise the pleasures of normality?"

"Stupefy!" Barty shouts, managing to wrestle his hand free from Evan's grasp. Avery goes flying backwards, only for Barty to get hit in the face with another hex, causing him to jump up with a cry of pain. 

Professor McGonagall comes over to intervene, the other fifth years, save for Mulciber and Avery, scampering away. Dorcas doesn't listen, doesn't wait around to be asked something, only standing up and storming out of the Great Hall, breaking into a sprint once she's out of sight. She runs through the halls, looking for somewhere to hide. Eventually she settles for the bathrooms and locks herself in a stall, pressing a fist to her mouth to muffle the sobs that she cannot stop.

She drops down onto the toilet seat and draws her knees up to her chest. Distantly she hears footsteps and a door opening, but everything sounds like it is underwater, so she can't be sure. Tears stream down her face, her mascara was going to be ruined, wasted. A knock on the door makes her freeze.

“Dorcas?” Pandora’s voice called out.

“Dorcas, it’s only me and Panda, open up.” Regulus’ voice followed.

Dorcas sighs, and unlocks the stall, letting two of her friends push the door open. When Pandora steps inside the tiny space, she cannot help but flinch. The other girl’s face drops. “Oh Dorcas,” she murmurs, stepping forward and wrapping her in a hug. “Shh, it is okay, I have you. Reg close the door,” She orders.

Regulus steps in and locks the door behind him, leaning against it. He kept his gaze to the floor. Dorcas understands, she wouldn't want to look at her either.

Regulus clears his throat. “I-I sent Avery to the hospital wing.” He looks up and offers a hopeful smile. "When McGonagall had her back turned. Got a week's detention for it, since he started the fight, but still. It was worth it."

Dorcas was taken aback and Pandora holds her hand out towards Regulus, and he places some tissue in it. She then uses the tissue to gently wipe Dorcas’ face, humming softly.

“I made a shit ton of painful boils erupt on his arse, then took a leaf out of Barty's book and left them irreversible for 48 hours, I wanted to make it 72, but didn't know how to properly and I didn’t want to cancel out the hex.” He continues. "Barty's also gone to the hospital wing with, erm, a constipation curse."

"You're joking." Dorcas whispers. 

"I wish I was." Regulus looks like he's trying to hold back laughter. "I'm sorry, it's not funny, I know that, but you know. Constipation? Of all things." Dorcas can't help the laughter that bubbles up in her throat either and Pandora chuckles quietly while trying to wipe away the mascara. Regulus visibly relaxes and smiles properly this time. He sits down on the floor, back against the door and nudges Dorcas’ foot.

“I am sorry they were saying those things to you, they were horrible. Are you okay?” he asks.

“I-I am not sure, you know I am queer, right? In case you both were disgusted by me; I won't lead you on.” She stammers out, squeezing her eyes shut, not wanting to see their reactions.

Pandora huffs a soft laugh, “We figured. And we are not disgusted by you Dorcas, you cannot help who you love, and we will support you no matter who you do end up loving.” she hummed.

"And besides, I'm gay too. Mulciber is just a fucking dickhead who spends too much time with his head up his ass to realise he likes to take it up there, if you know what I mean."

Dorcas frowns, but nods.

“How is your skin so clear?” Pandora mutters from where she is now seated on Dorcas’ lap, trying to fix her mascara.

“Twenty step skin care routine.” Was her reply. She then laughed. “Look at us, in a dinghy cubicle of the girl’s bathroom.”

Regulus jumped up from the floor, look of disgust on his face. “I can’t believe I was sitting on the floor of a bathroom.” He hisses.

Pandora chuckles. “At least Mulciber's friends will not be able to find us in here. It said in ‘Hogwarts; A History’ that the founders put a spell on the girl’s bathrooms and dorm rooms so that boys cannot physically enter.”

Regulus stiffens and catches his breath. Pandora freezes and leans back from Dorcas’ face, turning to face him. She frowns, taking him in. “Regulus, you're a boy. How are you here?”

Regulus goes pale, eyes darting to Dorcas for help. Dorcas met his eye and mouthed one word. Breathe. He inhales deeply and lets out the breath he was holding. Shaking his head he looks at Dorcas, a plea in his eyes. She glances at Pandora, before going back to Regulus. She nods slowly as if to say ‘You can do this. She will understand.’

“Regulus?” Pandora asks, concerned.

“I’m not a real boy.” He blurts out.

“Ehm, excuse me. You are a real boy, it is not your fault you were not born one, you are now, just with a body that does not listen to who you really are.” Dorcas cuts in frowning at his stupidity.

“Ohh, you were born a girl, ah okay.” Pandora nods, turning to Dorcas who nearly laughs at Regulus’ face. He was extremely baffled.

“Pandora, are you, understanding? What exactly is going on here, do you know fully?” Regulus frowns, taken aback by her unbothered reaction.

“Hm? Yes, I understand perfectly. You are a boy in here and here,” pointing to her heart and head, “but not out here.” She gestured to her full body.

“And you’re...okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Right.” Regulus trails off looking at Dorcas, still confused. She just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. Nothing else to it really.

After a few moments of silence, apart from the noise of Regulus fidgeting, Pandora speaks up again.

“Picture it this way. It is like Polyjuice potion. You have the body of someone who is not you, but you know that it is not you because your mind is telling you. Your mind knows who you truly are. In your case, you have the genetics and body of a girl, but you are really a boy in your mind, and you know so, because your mind is telling you.”

Dorcas stared at her, while Regulus stands there, hands by his sides, blinking,

“That’s more or less, exactly what it feels like.” He informs them quietly.

“Told you she wouldn’t have a problem with it.” Dorcas sings, teasingly.

“You never said that.” he argues.

“I said it with my eyes,” she leans forward, snaking an arm around Pandora’s back so she would not fall, and looks at Regulus, making her eyes wide and blinking excessively.

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re so weird.”

“You love me for it.”

Regulus’ eyes soften. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Pandora snorts. “That was so cheesy.”

All three of them burst into fits of laughter and don't stop for a good while. Dorcas swears she gets a fresh set of abs in the space of half an hour. She had never laughed so much before.

After a while, Regulus takes in the stall. “It stinks in here, I’m out, you would want to come too if you’re going to follow through on your promise to McKinnon.”

Dorcas frowns. “What promise?”

“The quidditch match? It starts in,” He casts a time charm, “fifteen minutes.”

Pandora stands up from Dorcas’ lap and extends a hand to pull her up.

Together the three of them race to the stands, where they make it just as Hooch blows the starting whistle.

Because Regulus is with them, most students make space for him, so they find themselves in the front row, without too much hassle. Perks of being friends with a son of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black.

Dorcas immediately spots Marlene, blonde whipping around her face, her cheeks pink from exertion. She watched as the other girl lifted her bat and hit the bludger as hard as possible towards the opposing team. The game was short, only lasting around forty-five minutes, but as each minute passed, Dorcas swears that Marlene only got more beautiful.

At one point, Marlene flew past the stands, close to where Dorcas and her friends were. The girls made eye contact and Dorcas lifted her hand in a little wave, to which Marlene beamed at.

Dorcas almost feels sad when the whistle is blown to signify that the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch and that the match was over, because it meant she would not see Marlene fly for a long time. Gryffindor was not playing again until a week before the Christmas holidays.

As they were making their way back to the castle, Regulus and Pandora were drawn out of their conversation by a fourth pair of footsteps that caught up with them. A pair of footsteps belonging to none other than Sirius Black.

“Hey Regulus, Regulus’ friend, Meadowes.” He greets, and Dorcas is surprised that he knows her name until she remembers that he is friends with Marlene. “There’s a party on tonight, in Gryffindor tower at 8.” He informs them.

“And this information is relevant to us because...?” Regulus raises an eyebrow.

 Sirius looks affronted. “Well, I want you and your friends to come of course.”

Regulus just looks confused. “Why?”

“I just do, it would be nice to have my little brother around. Look come if you want or not, the password is ‘flibbertigibbet.’ There will be drinks and such there, and snacks as well, so do what you will with that information.” He storms off.

“Huh.” Pandora hums.

“What?” Regulus quizzes.

“Seems like you aren’t the only dramatic one in your family.” she smirks.

“A hereditary trait maybe?” Dorcas pipes up.

“Either that or Regulus learnt it off Sirius. I have seen him in the halls sometimes, if you think Reg is dramatic then Sirius is ten times worse.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Oi!” Regulus cuts in offended. He crosses his arms, “I’m not dramatic.”

“Sure” Dorcas grins.

“I mean look at you right now, you are not exactly helping yourself. Only further proving our point.” Pandora smiles sweetly and skips off back to the castle.

Regulus shakes his head, but Dorcas could see the smile playing on his lips. She falls into step with him and watches as Pandora veers off to talk to a friend of hers from Ravenclaw. Sybill Trelawney, Dorcas recalls.

“So,” she begins, and Regulus looks at her. “Can we go to that party tonight?”

He furrows his brows. “Why are you asking me for permission?”

“Well number one, you were the only one who officially got an invite, and number two, I do want to go to see if I can talk to Marlene more, but I don’t want to go without you if you don’t want to go due to being uncomfortable around your brother and his friends.”

Regulus smiles and shakes his head. “Alright then, I’ll go with you, Pandora might come too, although she gets anxious around too many people, but if Evan comes then he can take her so I can keep an eye on you in case you get too drunk or want to leave at any point.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Yes, but I'm doing this as a caring friend, I won’t be hovering over your shoulder all the time, but just so you know that I’m there somewhere if things go to shit in some way or another.”

Dorcas nods, “Thanks Reg.”

“No problem,” he looks at her from the corner of his eye and chews on his lip. “How are you feeling after this morning?” he asks tentatively.

Dorcas sighs. “I don’t know. I just hope Barty is okay. And now the whole school probably knows or has heard what Mulciber and that were saying, so a little terrified, being honest. For my safety the next few months, maybe even years."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I didn't do more for you at breakfast, but you know, if it got back to my family, and you know how they are."

"Yeah, that would just be...disastrous. It's okay, Reg, I don't blame you. I'm actually going to stop by the Hospital Wing before lunch to check on Barty. Maybe thank him as well. Care to join me?"

"Nah, I went with him after McGonagall let us both go, finally."

They continue their walk in a comfortable silence. Dorcas appreciated that; it was not something you could find with everybody. Once again Dorcas was reminded of how lonely she was before she made friends with Pandora and Regulus. She had never cared about finding friends in her year and did not have any otherwise. Well Maribel maybe, but that was years ago. Dorcas would not be surprised if she forgot already.

Dorcas and Regulus part ways outside the hospital wing. After a brief hesitation, the latter places his hand on her shoulder, and squeezes gently in encouragement.

“In case, you take longer than expected, I will save a bread roll for you. Lettuce and cheese, right?”

Dorcas nods.

“If you want anything else, we can take a trip down to the kitchens.”

“I’ll be fine with just the roll, thanks Reg.”

He clears his throat, “good luck,” and then he’s walking away, and Dorcas is alone.

Taking a deep breath, she pushes open the door and is immediately his with the scent of antiseptic, it does not do well for her stomach which was already unsettled from nerves.

She closes her eyes and counts to ten, before she is ready and then begins the search for Barty’s bed. It doesn't take long and soon she is standing to the side, hidden by the curtain, and watching him and Evan talk.

"Hey." She greets, stepping into the area. Evan looks up, smiling at her and soon exiting the ward. Barty blinks at her, sighing heavily. 

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'll live. Just, you know, a little terrified for the months to follow, but nothing I can't handle."

Barty nods. "We'll stick with you. Keep you safe. Not that you need protection, per se, but still. Kicking ass if fun."

"Thanks...for this morning. You didn't have to get so involved."

Barty pulls a disgusted face. "Are you kidding? He was being homophobic to you, and then to Pandora as well, which wasn't even involved, then he called you slurs and grabbed your face to force you to look at him. Of couse I was going to send him back a few steps." He snorts. "Literally. Anyways, what he did, it wasn't right. I don't let people do that kind of thing to my friends."

"I was just kind of useless this morning, wasn't I?" She forces a laugh and Barty shakes his head almost immediately. 

"Don't beat yourself up over it, if it were me who was found out that I'm queer and I was getting mucked about like that, I probably would have freezed up as well. It's a terrifying situation."

“Hold up,” Dorcas raises a hand, “You’re queer?”

Barty nods meekly. “I like a boy.”

Dorcas bursts into laughter. “Called it!” she snorts to herself. 

“What?” Barty looked so confused and it only made Dorcas laugh harder.

“The day we first met, and you were ‘fake flirting’ with Lupin ‘for the piss’ that was all real, wasn’t it?”

Barty shrugs. “Yes and no. I wasn’t flirting with him because I like him or anything, I just thinks he’s fit.”

“You said you weren’t queer, but I saw right through you, I didn’t believe a word of it.”

Barty sighs. “I don’t have a crush on Lupin though.” He admits.

“Oh, yeah, I know, you like Regulus.” Dorcas states, jokingly.

Barty shoots up, quick as a flash, “How did you know?!” he yelps.

“Wait, I was kidding, you actually do?!”

“Fuckkkkkkk.” he hisses, letting his head fall back against the headboard with his eyes closed in embarassment. “You can’t tell him, please.”

“I’d never out you, Barty.”

“But if I was already out to him?”

“Are you?”

“No.”

“Well then, if you were, I would not tell him immediately, I would have a bit of fun with it first. Probably use it as blackmail before I get bored doing so.”

“I knew there was a reason why I liked you.”

She chuckles again. “I should probably get going to lunch now, but I might be back later. Do you want me to bring you some chocolate or ice-cream?”

He cracks an eye open, hopeful. “Cigarettes?”

“Absolutely not, you’re not smoking in a hospital wing.”

“Ugh fine, Jellybeans then?”

“Do they have drugs in them?”

He hesitates. “No.”

“Liar.”

“Oh, come on!” He throws his arms up in despair, “How are you so good at reading people?”

“Benefits of being shunned by your classmates until you found friends, it teaches you how to observe someone in a conversation when your used to watching it from an outside perspective.”

“That’s depressing.” Barty huffs, “Wait, are we your friends then?”

“The others, yes. You? You are more like a pet raccoon or something, chaotic, loud, and funny.”

“A raccoon?”

“Did I stutter?”

“No, so I’m a raccoon?”

Dorcas sighs. "Yes.”

Barty grins. “Arf arf or shit.”

Dorcas nearly doubles over in laughter, “That’s not even what a raccoon sounds like!?”

“Well have you ever met a raccoon?”

“Yes, you.”

“No, a real one.”

“Nope. Apparently they hiss. And scratch. And bite."

“Then how do you know? I am apparently the raccoon, after all.”

“Whatever Barty,” she says, still amused by his antics. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Can you please bring those Jellybeans???” comes a plea from behind the curtain.

“Not a hope.” she calls back, smiling to herself.

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 22 nd September 1975  

Evan was surrounded by silence. Which was weird since there was meant to be a party on the other side of the portrait in Gryffindor tower. Sure enough, once Pandora said the password and the four Slytherins entered they were drowned in the music. It was so loud that you could not hear the lyrics properly, only the beat. 

A smell of alcohol and sweat lingered in the air. Bright colours flashed around them, and people rubbed into each other. It wasn’t too bad in Evan’s opinion but was hell in Pandora’s. He could see it even on her face. 

“We can leave if you want.” He yelled over the music into his sister’s ear, but she shook her head. 

“I’ll be fine for another while.”  

He nodded and led her over to a secluded corner, which was a lot quieter than the rest of the room. Dorcas had headed straight over to the drinks, Regulus in tow. He watched as Sirius sauntered over to them and struck up a conversation. Surprisingly the brothers seemed to be acting more or less civil, though that might have something to do with Dorcas’ presence. 

He blinked as the room fell quiet and the music was lowered. James Potter was standing on a table in the middle of the room, a piece of parchment in his hand. 

“Um, hi, everyone. How are we all tonight?” He began, looking around the room, which erupted in cheers at the question. 

“I have something I want to say, and although I have said it before and you’re all well used to it, I have not said it like this yet. And I promise out of respect to you, Evans, this will be the last time and your answer will be the one I abide.” 

Sirius whoops and hands his best friend a microphone, (Where the fuck he managed to get one, Evan had no idea) 

Potter clears his throat and begins to read off the parchment. The room was practically silent, hanging onto his every word and sending glances at Lily Evans throughout the reading of what seemed like a poem. 

“Like a flame to a moth, I cannot resist the pull of attraction for the brazen strands that were once woven from fortune itself.  

Like an explorer searching for gold, instead I find the wealth inside your emerald gaze. 

The gaze that pulls man in, searching for soul hidden secrets, and I let you find them because how can I think of anything other than the beauty before me...” 

It went on for a few minutes and then finally Potter finished the poem. “So, what will it be Evans, will you be my girlfriend?” 

Evans makes herself through the crowd, stopping in front of the table. She raises an eyebrow. “Depends on if you're going to be honest when I ask you if it was you who wrote that poem.” 

Potter blushes and glances towards...Regulus? He shakes his head. “Evans you know from my pathetic attempts a few years ago, that I don’t have a poetic bone in my body. I payed someone to turn my fascinations of you into nice sounding words.” 

Evans laughs and climbs up onto the table beside Potter. “Yes,” she whispers into the microphone, holding Potter’s gaze as a smile spreads across his face. She then throws her arms around his neck and their lips are on each other, passionately.  

Evan turns away, embarrassed and feeling as though he is intruding, although they are snogging to the eyes of everyone in the room. 

He meets his sister’s eyes and sees a crestfallen expression on her face. He bumps her foot with his. “Are you alright?” 

Pandora smiles and nods, but Evan doesn’t miss the sadness in her eyes.  

Potter was now in Sirius’ arms and was spinning around and laughing like children. Evans was watching with a small smile, while her friends, Macdonald, and McKinnon, were laughing and talking with her. No doubt about the display of affection. 

Evan turns back to Regulus just in time to see Sirius knock Regulus’ drink out of his hand and all over himself accidentally, too caught up in celebrating with James to watch where his hands were flying. 

Evan laughs at the annoyed expression on Regulus’ face who is also kicking Dorcas’ foot, no doubt telling her off for laughing as well. 

He had a conversation with Dorcas earlier, while Pandora cut Regulus’ hair, and did some sort of treatment for his curls. With the privacy they had in the dorm room, Evan had mentioned the events of that morning. 

He apologized for not being braver to say anything else against Mulciber and Avery that morning and told Dorcas he was proud to be her friend and proud of her in general. That she was brave too, for not running away from them completely. She had thanked him for his apology and quickly forgiven him after, understanding that it was a threatening situation

Now Regulus was blushing while Sirius and Potter were praising him for something. He decided then that was the weirdest thing he had ever seen. Nothing could top it. 

He watched with his sister as McKinnon joined them at the drinks table and Dorcas immediately turned around to talk to her. They seemed to be getting on well from what little he had heard from the girls. And Regulus too. He seemed to be part of their little gossip group. He would be jealous but at least he got to make fun of them with Barty. 

He wondered what their friend group would be like once Dorcas got comfortable. They used to have little sleepovers with Pandora last year. She shared a bed with either Evan or Regulus. Evan understood her reasoning. Barty snored. A lot. Besides, although she loved Barty, she was more comfortable around Reg and more familiar around Evan. 

Dorcas was sweating with nerves while also having the time of her life. Marlene was like a rollercoaster, with the fact she looked intimidating but once you got used to it, it turned out to be quite fun. Ignoring the drops and twists of course. 

She had come over to get herself a refill and started chatting with Dorcas. It seemed that once she had alcohol in her system, she wasn’t so nervous around her. 

“So, do you fly?” She was currently asking Dorcas. 

“Rarely. I only ever do it with my cousins when I’m visiting them. They own a huge Quidditch pitch as well as the biggest stadium in Africa, so we go there a lot when we are over for a gathering of some sort.” 

“You have cousins in Africa?” 

Dorcas nods. “I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m from there.” She laughs, raising an eyebrow. 

Marlene blushes, “I just thought it was a generational thing. I didn’t realize you were born there.” 

Dorcas laughs again. “Yep, born and raised for six years in Côte d'Ivoire.” 

“I haven’t heard of that country.” 

“Ivory Coast, in English. It has the same flag as Ireland, only the green and orange are switched.” 

Marlene beams. “I’m from Ireland!” she exclaims. 

Now it was Dorcas’ turn to be intrigued. “Oh?” 

“Yep, I’m from Dublin. I only come here for school; I usually stay during Christmas because flights are expensive and I get seasick, so I can’t take the ferry.” 

“Is it nice there?” 

“I live in the wizarding city, so there are few local attractions, unless you count Superquinn in the muggle city over. It’s okay, very busy, but there are hidden shops in the alleys. They have muggle records, guitars, and microphones, oh and makeup.” 

Dorcas smiles. “What language do you speak there?” 

“English is our ‘national language,’ but Irish is our hereditary tongue. I speak it at home and used to at my old primary school, but on the streets it’s all English. What about you? What language do they speak in Ivory Coast?” 

“French, pretty basic. Not interesting like Irish.” 

Marlene grins. “I happen to find French very interesting. Go on, say something for me?” 

Dorcas thinks for a minute. “Je sais ce que tu ressens pour moi et j'aime les filles aussi, mais je ne sais pas encore si je t'aime de cette façon. Je suis désolé.” 

Marlene shakes her head, laughing. “I have no idea what that means,” she says brightly. 

“You say something to me now in Irish.” Dorcas demands playfully, glad she didn’t ask for a translation. 

Marlene screws up her face, thinking. Eventually she speaks again. “Ceapaim go bhfuil tú an-deas. Tá an chraic is mó agam ortsa freisin, ach tá eagla orm é sin a insint duit. Níl a fhios agam conas a bhraitheann tú faoi thaitníonn cailíní le cailíní eile, ach tá súil agam go mbraitheann tú mar an gcéanna.” 

Dorcas smirks. “It kind of sounded like you were summoning hell spawn or some other kind of demon just there.” 

Marlene laughs, “And it sounded like you were communicating with the gods or something.” 

Dorcas laughs too. “That’s French for you. Also, I forgot to say, you were very good in the game today.” 

Marlene blushes again. “You were watching.” She states.  

Dorcas just nods. “I don’t break promises, Marlene.” 

The other girl smiles sheepishly. “Thanks, for the compliment. And for…er…coming to watch?” 

Dorcas winks and then Marlene is being dragged away by a no-longer-single Lily Evans. 

Then she catches sight of something she thought she would never see. Regulus Black dancing. To be fair, he was with Pandora, who was very persuasive, but he seemed to be enjoying himself as he spun her around, laughing and having fun. 

She smiles at the scene. It was nice to see Regulus smile. He did not often, unless it was a sadistic, cunning smirk, that stuck fear into everyone’s hearts. Even though she was confident that Reg would not hurt her, she still felt at unease at the sight of that smirk. 

Regulus thinks the party is not as bad as it could be. Sure, it was embarrassing to witness Potter read out the poem he wrote but at least he had not mentioned Regulus by name. He had gotten his money as well as a shit ton of praise from him and Sirius. 

He was pissed at his brother. Honestly, it should be him needing glasses, not Potter. He ruined Regulus’ shirt. The one that Barty had gotten him. Fuck’s sake. At least he was a wizard. Easy to fix but does not mean he was not annoyed by it. 

Now he was dancing with Pandora. He didn’t know why or how she had gotten him to do so while he was still sober. But it was Pandora. Nobody could say no to her. Even Regulus, who was used to her manipulative tactics, fell victim to her put and frowns and those freaky but beautiful blue eyes of hers.  

He grabbed her by the waist and spun her around while she threw her head back and laughed. She was beautiful, which made Regulus wonder why he wasn’t attracted to her. Or Dorcas for that matter. He heard other boys start to talk about girls like that a lot since the start of year. It was normal for a boy to like a girl at that age. But then again Regulus wasn’t a real boy, was he? 

No matter what Dorcas said, Regulus always would feel that he wasn’t meant to be a boy. That he was messed up in the head. If he was meant to be a boy, he would have been born one, right? This isn’t normal. He isn’t normal. But he’s happy as a ‘boy.’ He’s happy being known as ‘Regulus’ and being called ‘he’ and ‘him’.  

“Reg?” Pandora’s voice pulls him from his wallowing. 

“Yeah? Everything alright?” He looks at her. Her willowy body trembling slightly. Her hands plugging her ears.  

“Can you take me to Evan? I want to go now.” 

“Yeah sure, come on.” 

He pulls her close, hand wrapped tightly around her waist. Although she’s a few inches taller, he does his best to shield her from the other people with his body. He finds Evan in a corner chatting with a girl from Ravenclaw. 

Evan looks up at Pandora and immediately guides her to the exit, Regulus follows to inform him that she only one drink. He nods and then the twins are gone, back to the dungeons. 

Regulus makes his way through the crowd again, looking for Dorcas. He finds her talking with McKinnon again. He hopes that whatever that means is good. Dorcas deserves to be happy, especially after the shit show that morning.  

He leans against the wall, watching her for signs that she might be too drunk or uncomfortable. Ready to go in and pull her away at any minute. 

“Drink, Black?” Lupin’s voice sounded from beside him. 

“Is it spiked?” he asks, cautiously. 

“Do you think I would answer that honestly if it was?” Lupin raises an eyebrow. 

Regulus smirks, “Good point.” He grabs the drink being offered and downs half of it in one gulp. 

“Rough night, eh?” 

He rolls his eyes. “More like rough day in general.” 

“Yeah, same, back pain’s a bitch.” 

“What are you, sixty?” 

Lupin laughs at that. “You’re so much funnier than your brother, if I’m going to be honest.”  

That took Regulus by surprise. “Really?” 

“Yeah, don’t get me wrong, Pads is plenty funny, but he is loud funny. You are quiet funny. Mean funny. I like that better. I have come to appreciate quietness a lot more since those fuckers came into my life.” 

Regulus smirks. “Try having to live with Sirius.” 

“I probably would kill myself.” 

“I’m surprised I haven’t.” 

Lupin laughs again, and Regulus cannot help but chuckle slightly as well.  

“What are your friends like?” the former asks. 

“Barty’s a fucking pyromaniac. I swear, anything in reach, he is tempted to set it on fire. He tried to set Evan’s hair on fire last year, with his permission of course. Although I do not know why anyone would give someone permission to do that. Neither of them are right in the head to be honest.” 

“Ah yes, Crouch and Rosier do get in a lot of trouble for ruckus behavior.” Lupin nods. 

“Pandora is a lot to be honest. She is sweet most of the time but downright ruthless with manipulating people when she feels like it. Everyone seems to fall for her innocence, but it is a display she dons so nobody would suspect her for anything she does. I love her really. Even when she dragged me out of bed to do pagan rituals at the height of the full moon last night. I swear she must be onto something with the demon summoning, we both heard at least three howls last night,” Regulus continues. 

Lupin seems to pale at that, but it could just be a tick of the light. He chuckles weakly. “And to other one? Meadowes? What is she like?” 

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “Asking for McKinnon?” He smirks. 

“Wha- what- no, I mean McKinnon, who’s McKinnon? Never heard of her. I do not know who you are on about.” 

Regulus snorts. “Sure, sure. Dorcas is kind really. Funny too. She has a good eye for fashion. She picked all our outfits out for this party. She also does great hair and makeup. She is supportive of me with my-” Shit the alcohol was giving him a loose tongue. “Problems.” he continues, totally not what he was going to say before, but nobody needs to know that. “She also is a good gossip. Has all the juicy stuff from her dormmates. She also bitches a lot about them. Right cunts they are.” 

“Ah, Vanity and Talkalot. The ones you and Crouch hexed.” 

Regulus shrugs and takes another sip of his drink. “They made Pandora cry. They deserved it. Also, I was the one who hexed them, do not give Barty credit for my hard work. He just charmed said hexes.” 

Remus shrugs. “They were impressive really. Not really fourth year knowledge.” 

“I invented them, they’re not really anyone’s knowledge except mine.” 

The other boy’s eyebrows disappear in his hairline. “I’m sorry-” 

“You’re forgiven” Regulus cuts him off, smirking. 

Lupin shakes his head, but Regulus could see the slight smile playing on his lips. “You invented a hex?!” 

“Yup.” He pops the ‘p’. “I get bored easily. I have invented many spells.” 

“Wow.” 

Just then Regulus is knocked to the floor by some other boy. He lands on his arse, (embarrassing), looking up at Lupin, who’s half amused, half concerned. The older boy extends a hand to help him up, which Regulus takes. 

Lupin pulls his hand away, hissing and shaking it.  

“Wow, didn't realize you were so disgusted by me.” Regulus deadpans. 

“N-no, that’s not, I didn’t mean to. I just burned my hand earlier, still very sore.” 

Regulus snorts. “Chill, I was joking.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Lupin helps him up again, this time hooking his other hand around Regulus’ elbow to pull him up. 

Regulus brushes off his clothes. “Thanks” he nods. “You alright?” he adds. 

“Who? Me? Yeah, I’m fine, you’re the one who fell. Are you okay.” 

Regulus nods, “Bruised arse and bruised ego but other than that, intact.” 

Lupin chuckles again. Then a hand wraps around Regulus’ waist. He stiffens but quickly realizes it’s only Dorcas. 

“Can we go now, I’m tired and bored.” She yells in his ear, causing him to flinch slightly, but otherwise he wouldn't have been able to hear her over the music so maybe it's a good thing. 

‘And drunk’ he thinks, “Sure let’s go, see you around Lupin.” 

He nods and watches as they leave before turning back to try to find Sirius and James. 

Regulus lets Dorcas hang off him as they make their way back to the dungeons, stopping once or twice to hide from Filch or his wretched cat. Regulus usually loves cats, but he loathes Mrs. Norris. Little she-devil, and not in a good way. 

Dorcas babbled alongside him, meaningless things really. Admiration of McKinnon’s flying and opinions of teachers.  

“Dorcas?” He cuts her off mid-rant. 

“Yes Reggie Eggie?” She replies innocently with wide eyes, blinking. Regulus decides to let the nickname go just this once. 

“Last year we used to have sleepovers in our dorm, Pandora is probably going to sleep over tonight, do you want to join us? You and she can share Barty’s bed since he’s still in the hospital wing. We might, erm, want to change the sheets though. He never does it himself and I swear to Merlin I have seen him spill five drinks on it this year already." 

“Yippee!” Dorcas squeals. Regulus shushes her, looking around for teachers or prefects. 

They arrive in their common room soon after.  

“I’ll go up and -” Dorcas hiccups. “Grab my stuff for the night.” 

Regulus nods and makes his way to the boy’s dorms to change Barty’s sheets. Like he guessed Pandora’s pajamas were on his bed, while she and Evan played a game of exploding snap on the floor.  

“Hey Reg” she greets brightly, “Where’s Dorcas?” 

“She is sleeping over tonight too; she just went to grab her things. You and her are sharing Barty’s bed, he won’t be let out of the hospital wing until the day after tomorrow.” 

“Erm, Reg, you really going to make them sleep in Barty’s bed?” Evan cuts in looking a bit grossed out. 

“We are changing the sheets. Come on, up. You are helping me. Dorcas will be up in a minute.”  

Pandora tidies up the cards and sits on the end of Regulus’ bed, watching as the boys fix the fresh sheets. 

Dorcas was gathering her last few bits. Pajamas? Check. Bonnet? Check. Sleeping mask? Check. All that was left was her toiletries. Lucinda and Emma were nowhere to be seen, but she did not want to risk them coming back soon so she figured she would do her teeth and skincare in the boy’s bathroom. 

Just as she walked into the bathroom, the door slammed shut and locked. Dorcas whipped around, trying to open it. She did not hear the girls step out from behind the shower curtain. Wasn’t aware of them even being there until- 

“Petrificus Totalus.” 

Dorcas fell back, unable to move anything but her eyes. She looked up and met the gaze of Lucinda Talkalot who looked down at her with a shit eating grin. A foot then came down on her face, and she could hear a crunch. Her nose. Blood filled her sinuses, making it hard to breathe. Tears filled her eyes from pain and from her nose being hit. 

 Emma Vanity appeared as well. She kicked her ribs, over and over, fracturing some of them at least. Lucinda stomped on her hand, breaking her fingers. Dorcas lay there, determined not to cry. She was expecting something like this for weeks since she stood up for Pandora to her dorm mates.  

She longed for her wand, then maybe she could do some wordless magic to make them stop, but her wand was on her bed, and she needed her hands to use wandless magic. 

She wondered what the others would think. Would they think that she changed her mind, or would they notice she had not shown? Would they come looking for her? If they were, they had not have found her, so she was stuck taking hit after hit, unable to move. The pain sobered her up so the alcohol couldn’t even numb it now.  

She felt fists. Punching her face, jaw, eyes, ears, stomach, everywhere. That was Lucinda, Emma was using ‘Lacero’ on her legs and arms over and over. Dorcas’ eyes fluttered shut, her clothes wet with blood. The last thing she remembered was a sickening crunch and an agonizing pain in her knee. Then everything went black. 

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 22nd September 1975

Pandora watches as the boys relocate her stuff onto Barty’s freshly made bed, and wondered where Dorcas was.

Apparently being twins gave her and Evan the same wavelength for no longer a second after, her twin voiced her concern.

“Dorcas should be here now, right?” He asks, unsure.

“I mean, she does have haircare and skincare to do, so that’s probably why she’s taking so long. She’ll be on soon. Come on, lets open all the sweets to pile them together. Panda? Will you get out the games, don’t set them up in case we don’t end up playing them, just have them altogether close by.” Regulus busies himself with his trunk of sweets under his bed.

Pandora does as she asks but has a weird feeling in her stomach. It’s probably from the alcohol, she tells herself, but when the prickly feeling behind her eyes starts and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, she knows something is off.

Images flash into her mind. Blood. Two girls laughing. Bathroom floor. An unmoving body. Dark skin. Box braids. Dorcas.

Pandora drops the game and the crash of it brings her back to reality. Dorcas. Dorcas is in danger. Dorcas. Dorcas. Dorcas. Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas-

“Panda? Are you alright? You look like death.” Evan remarks.

“Dorcas” is all she manages to choke out. And then she’s running out of the dorm, into the common room, and up the stairs to the girls’ dorm rooms. She finds it difficult to breathe, not from the running, though it doesn’t help. Panic squeezes her throat, twisting her insides, making her feel numb. Unreal.

Vaguely she registers a pair of footsteps run up the stairs behind her. Then the stairs is a slide, with Evan at the bottom and Regulus beside her, at the top.

“What the-” her brother begins but she doesn’t hear the rest, for she’s running again. Down the halls, looking at the plaques on the doors, looking for the name Dorcas Meadowes.

She finds the dorm she’s looking for and without hesitation, pushes open the door. The room is empty, nobody inside. She spots Dorcas’ wand and pyjamas on a bed.

“Dorcas?” She calls. “Dorcas!” She repeats when not receiving an answer. She recalls her vision. Bathroom floor.

Then Regulus finally catches up, bursting through the door like a man on fire. He scans the room, eyes landing on the closed bathroom door. He looks to Pandora, eyebrow lifting in an unspoken question. Pandora nods, and makes her way to the door.

There’s no sound coming from inside, but still she draws her wand. Slowly she turns the doorknob and pulls it open.

The first thing she notices is a smell of iron. A smell of blood. The she sees the blood and almost faints at the pool of red, glistening in the overhead light. The highlights mocking her. She then sees a trail of it leading to the bathtub. The shower curtain was closed.

Regulus crept over and drew the curtain back quickly. He gasped and stumbled backwards. Pandora went over and immediately felt sick. It looked like a murder scene.

Dorcas’ eyes were black and swollen, her jaw bruised, nose broken, forehead bloodied. She was lying stiff as a board with long gashes running down her legs and arms.

“The lacero curse” Regulus mutters. She nudges Pandora aside and immediately starts casting diagnostic spells on his friend. He freed her from the body bind curse, repaired her broken ribs, fingers and nose. He closed up the gashes and used a bottle of dittany that he always carried, to make sure they wouldn’t infect and that they would heal right.

He then cleaned her clothes and face and checked her pulse, which had gotten stronger since he first started. He runs a few more diagnostic spells and reveals she has a minor concussion. Probably from the body bind if she was standing up.

“We need to go to Slughorn. Or Dumbledore even!” Pandora’s voice breaks the silence.

Regulus snorts, “Sluggie’s a pushover and Dumbledore, the prejudiced bastard, won’t do shit to help us Slytherins.”

“But something has to be done. She can’t stay here with these people. Look at what they did to her!”

Regulus sighs. “We could make the arrangement for out sleepovers permanent. One of us can bunk in with another, leaving a bed free that Dorcas can take. She can move her stuff in and everything. We have enough space to do so.”

Dorcas stirs, and her eyes flutter open. She sits up suddenly and takes short, sharp bursts of air, eyes darting around like a caged animal.

“Dorcas, relax, it’s only me and Reg.” Pandora soothes, stroking the other girl’s hand.

“Lucinda. And Emma. What? Where- what happened.” She gasps.

Regulus shrugs, “You tell us.” Then he winces at his nonchalance. Pandora swats him.

“Reg” she hisses.

‘Sorry’ he mouthes.

“I came in here to get my toiletries and stuff, I didn’t see them. They put me in the full body bind and started beating me up. Lucinda with her fists, Emma with magic. I blacked out soon after, but I remember one of them hissing something about serving me right for sending Reg and Barty after them after they made fun of Pandora.” Dorcas explains in a rush.

“They’re not here, are they?” She adds.

Pandora shakes her head. “No body but ourselves showed up under Homunom Revelio.”

“Dorcas how long will it take to get your things packed?” Regulus asks.

“Most of my clothes are still packed, they don’t let me use the drawers or wardrobe, so my clothes stay in my trunk. And about five minutes for my bedside locker and toiletries. Why?”

Pandora sighs, “You can’t stay here with them Dorcas. They hurt you. I don’t know my roommates very well so I can’t ask them, but Reg offered to make room for you in their dorm.”

Regulus nods, “If you’re uncomfortable staying full time, just tell us and we’ll try fix is as much as possible. If not, then we will have to go and fight with the teachers to relocate you.”

“You’d really do that for me?” Dorcas gasps.

Regulus frowns. “Of course, you’re our friend Dorcas.”

“I’ll move in with you so.” She nods, “Let me pack my things.”

Regulus helps her up and out of the bathtub, before carefully leading her out to the bedroom, hand around her waist.

She rolls her eyes. “I’m not made of glass.”

Regulus stares at her incredulously. “You were on the brink of death when we found you, it has been less than twenty minutes since, my healing spells are good, but not that good.”

She chuckles and begins to pack up her belongings. Like she said, it didn’t take any longer than ten minutes. Pandora emerged from the bathroom, holding Dorcas’ stuff. Regulus drags Dorcas’ trunk from under her bed and hefts it onto his shoulder.

“Careful with yourself, it’s heavy.” She warns.

“My brother weighs twice as much, and I’ve lifted him up three flights of stairs when he was unconscious. I can manage your trunk, Dorcas.”

“Why did you have to lift Sirius three flights up stairs?” Pandora asks, eyes wide.

“Doesn’t matter.”

They reach the end of the hallway, to the stairs. A very disgruntled Evan is waiting for them on an armchair facing the girls’ dorms. He walks over to help Regulus with the trunk immediately.

“How come you could get up the stairs, but I couldn’t?” He pouts at Reg, who freezes.

“Regulus, you absolute idiot!” Pandora cries.

Realisation dawns on Dorcas as she remembers earlier events in the bathroom. The spell that physically stops boys from entering the girl’s bathrooms and dorm rooms. She mentally slaps Regulus for his stupidity, yet again.

“I-I-” Regulus stammers.

Dorcas throws all of her stuff on the floor. They landed with a bang.

“Ah, shit." She curses, bending down to pick them up and Evan rushes to help her. Regulus shoots her a grateful look from behind Evan’s back, she nods and smiles back at him. Pandora takes one end of the trunk and goes up to the dorm room with Regulus, leaving Dorcas and Evan alone.

“How was McKinnon?” A mischievous glint in his eye stands out to her.

Dorcas sighs, “She’s really lovely and pretty. Funny too, but I don’t know. I get this uneasy feeling around her; my stomach feels twisty, and my hands go a little sweaty. I always feel it around her, and I don’t know if it’s because I know she likes me or what. I’m not sure if I want her as a girlfriend or not and I don’t want to hurt her.”

Evan nods, “Yeah, I get that way around Barty, the sweaty hands and nervous stomach. I think it might be because he’s a little unhinged and it can frighten me sometimes or maybe just the thrill his insanity brings.”

Dorcas hums in understanding. Together they gather all her stuff and walk up to the dorm room. She finds herself limping slightly from her injuries and winces. How could she have been so stupid to not hear the girls behind her. To not question their absence in the first place.

They reach the room and see Pandora and Regulus moving furniture around. A space over by the window was created and Regulus permanently duplicated his bed, to the shock of the others in the room.

“How did you do that?” Evan’s jaw is on the floor as he stares at the new bed.

“A duplication spell?” Regulus looks confused at their shock.

“Yes, but how?”

Regulus shrugs and swishes his wand. “Like this.” He swishes his wand in the same pattern again.

“That’s, like, seventh year stuff. How did you know how to do it?” Pandora quizzes frowning.

“I got bored at home. Read a bunch of books in our family library. Came across the spell and decided to try it out on my wardrobe. It worked and I remembered it there.”

“Salazar’s hairy bollocks, Reg, that’s super complicated shit and you only discovered it because you were bored?” Evan cuts in.

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “Is that not what I just said?”

Evan shakes his head in amazement, eyes wide.

Pandora yawns and stretches. “Reggie, I’m sleeping with you tonight. Dorcas probably needs her space now and Evan has gotten into the habit of kicking me in his sleep. You, however, are like the dead. Sometimes I have to put my finger under your nose to check if you aren’t.”

Regulus nods and goes into the bathroom, bringing his pajamas with him. Pandora, however, just starts changing right there. Dorcas averts her eyes, not wanting to be seen creepy by staring at her friend.

Regulus comes out a minute later, so Dorcas claims the bathroom. She piles her braids up in a knot on the top of her head, and then dons her bonnet. She washes her face and applies her mother’s self-made moisturiser. It takes her longer than Reg, but eventually she’s done and goes back into the room.

Evan limps past her with his clothes. Wait a minute, limps? Dorcas shakes her head, deciding she just saw him walk from the wrong angle, and makes her way over to her new bed.

“Girls aren’t really allowed in boys’ dorms, what if I get caught?” She queries, a little worried indeed.

“I can talk Slughorn around. He bloody loves me because of my family. And if that doesn’t work, I can just say that he’s been ‘breaking those rules’ for four years already.” Regulus gestures to himself, smiling slightly.

Dorcas can’t help but laugh. Even Pandora chuckles quietly. She lays back on Regulus’ pillow and looks at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling above his bed.

She reaches up and grazes the Leo constellation. Regulus. The heart of the lion. The little prince. The little prince. She bolts upwards as realisation dawns on her.

Regulus and Dorcas stop chatting and look at her.

“Everything alright Panda?” Regulus asks concerned. He reaches out a hand and brushes a stray hair out of her face, tucking it into her bonnet.

“Yeah, yeah,” Pandora desperately tries to slow her heart rate. “Everything’s fine. Just got a cramp in my back, whatever way I was lying.”

Regulus frowns but doesn’t press the issue. Pandora lies back down again and closes her eyes.

“I’m really tired, so I’m going to go to sleep now. Good night.” Her voice was tight. Too tight. But a lump in her throat prevented her from speaking comfortably.

“Goodnight” three people chorused back.

She drifted off slowly to the hushed chatter of her brother and her friends.

Pandora was in a cave. The cave was wet and slimy. Cold water beat against rocks surrounding a little island. There was a basin on the island. Made of clear quartz pillars. It was beautiful but in a frightening way.

Pandora was freezing. Harsh winds stung her face, whipping at her clothes. There was something in the cave. Something bad. She could sense the dark magic. The acrid haze of it shrouding her senses. Her throat was dry, and her mouth tasted sour, but she daren’t drink the water.

A figure stood beside her. She couldn’t distinguish it’s face or any features. The only thing that she could see properly was the hair. Black as ink and curly. Switching from long to short and back to long again. The figure was in danger, she knew that much.

A golden crown appeared above it’s head but it didn’t notice it. It didn’t notice her either. Walking right through her, further up the sharp quartz stone. She followed it to the basin where it had stopped. A clear glass dish lay on the side of the basin. The figure picked it up and ran its fingers over the sharp edges. Blood stained the glass.

The figure dipped the dish into the basin and pulled it out again. It was filled with a translucent green liquid. The figure tipped it into it’s mouth and swallowed. It repeated again and again and five times more. Then the screaming started.

Bloodcurdling shrieks bounced of the walls. The figure’s sobs, echoing throughout the cave. Pandora wanted to help the figure. But she couldn’t physically move. The screaming stopped after a while. All the liquid was gone. The figure, still sobbing, reached into the basin and pulled out a necklace. It placed another one in its place. One identical to the first and the liquid refilled.

The figure waved a hand. A portal of some sort appeared. It threw the necklace into the vortex and then made its way to the water’s edge, still crying. The figure dipped its hands into the water, and Pandora strained the barrier keeping her in place to try and warn it. Don’t drink the water. It’s not safe.

A hand shot up out of the water grabbing the figure and pulling it in. More hands raked across its body, leaving deep gashes and blood pouring. The figure tried to fight but was shivering so bad, it dropped its wand. It was too weak from whatever the potion was and wasn’t able to crawl away. Instead, it succumbed to the hands and slipped into the water, out of sight.

Pandora was finally freed and ran over to the edge to try find the figure. Sunlight poured in a crack in the roof, illuminating the place a bit more, but the water remained black.

 Pandora was looking, looking, looking. Until she was no longer looking at the black water, but at a black sky. At the stars. Only two constellations were visible. Canis Major and Leo. A dog and a lion. They danced across the inky velvet of night, chasing and playing. Until the star of the lion’s heart exploded. The lion fell from the sky, only one star remained. Cries of grief shattering the silence.

Pandora didn’t know who it was that was screaming. The dog whimpered at the loss. The brightest star, Sirius, dulled until it was the brightest no more. The star left of the lion wasn’t a star. Well, it was. But a really famous one, that wasn’t recognised immediately as one. It was the sun. But the sun was shrinking and shrinking. Burning up until it was a dim ember. A result of the loss of its heart.

She wanted to grieve too but didn’t know how. How could she grieve when she didn’t know who the figure was? Deep down she knew that she did know who it was, her mind was just too addled to figure out who.

Pandora was shaking in her sleep. Writhing and tossing, mumbling to herself. A tear ran down her cheek when she landed on her back. Still asleep, she reached out to the stars and tacked two constellations.

Regulus knew the stars well enough to distinguish which ones she had traced. Canis Major and Leo. She leaned over and gently shook her awake.

“Pandora,” he hissed. “Pandora wake up, it’s not real. Just a stupid dream.”

She sits up suddenly, knocking her head against his, and gasps for air. Her face is pale, and tear stained. Her eyes were bright blue, brighter than Regulus had ever seen them. Almost neon. Her vision is darting around like a caged animal.

When she sees Regulus, she gasps. Still sleep hazy she leans in close.

“Don’t drink the water.” She warns, voice a low, harsh whisper.

She then slumps against Regulus, trembling. He wraps her arms around her after grabbing a glass and using the water charm. She flinches back from the water.

“Don’t drink the water. Don’t even touch it,” she hisses.

Regulus puts the glass back and hands her some chocolate instead. She takes it hesitantly before devouring it in a few bites.

“Panda, what’s going on?” He’s getting concerned now.

“Water. Cave. Crown. Water. Hands” she shudders, “Hands. Lots of hands. Grabbing. Hands. Water. Black. Sky. Stars. Lion. Dog. Heart. Sun. Water. Cave. Rocks. Cold. Necklace. Potion. Prince.”

She shakes her head and lets out a loose sob. The curtains pull back and a very concerned Evan climbs into the bed with them. Dorcas was still sleeping over by the window.

Evan takes his sister in his arms and holds her close. Rocking back and forth. Pandora’s hands grip at her brothers shirt.

“Shhhh,” Evan soothes. “Just a dream, it isn’t real.”

“She looks at him. “Not yet, it will be though. A star will drown. The lion’s heart will break, and the dog will lose itself. Everything will be wrong, and the sun will burn itself up, only staying for the benefit of others.”

“Pandora what’s going on?” Regulus frowns.

“Visions.” She says. “Sybil gets them too. Flashes from the future with symbols representing people. They will all come true though. Every single one. You can only cheat them if you decipher them. Even then it may not be possible.”

“Visions?” Evan repeats. “Like a seer’s visions?”

“I'm a seer.”

Regulus falls off the bed.

His head hits the side of his locker and a trickle of blood clouds his vision, making everything be tinged with red. The noise of him falling wakes Dorcas. She sits up confused and takes in the scene. Evan holding Pandora who is crying silently. Regulus on the floor. Regulus who is bleeding. And a spilled glass of water.

With a wave of her wand she turns on the light. Regulus grabs his wand and presses it to his forehead, hissing in pain and the cut heals. He cleans his eyes from blood and looks up at the Rosier twins. Pandora had fallen back asleep, which he found a tad bit rude. Dropping a bomb like that and then falling asleep? Despicable. Truly.

Dorcas goes and helps Regulus up. Evan watches his sister sleep. She’s a seer? How did he not know? Why didn’t she tell him? He was her twin brother. Did that mean he would get visions too? How long had she been getting them? Had she gotten many? Were they all as ominous as that one?

The questions filled his mind. He vaguely recalls being tucked into Regulus’ bed beside his sister. Regulus taking his bed and Dorcas going back to her own. He doesn’t drift off. The questions are too loud. His brain is too full. Too crowded. Too alive.

The soft snores of the others fill the room. Soon, sunlight does too, creeping in from the crack in the curtains. Evan gets out of bed. He grabs the cigarette case, that wasn’t filled with cigarettes, and creeps into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Why did Pandora get the visions? Were they a form of punishment? Why didn’t she tell him. Was that a form of punishment? He decided maybe it was. The one thing he had learned from his dad was that when he was punished, he had to hurt physically too.

He pops open the case. The silver blade glints back at him. Mocking him. Weak, it says. Coward. Cruel. Failure. His father’s voice acts as the blade’s. He picks it up and draws. The crook of his elbow is swallowed in a stream of blood. His right elbow. His left arm had to be clear completely, so he doesn’t embarrass himself when he inevitably gets the dark mark.

If there’s one good thing about the pain, its that it draws out the mental suffering and makes it physical. It quietens his mind and his father’s voice. The blood spatters on the floor often. Making him able to visualise the stress and strain of anguish.

It was also merely a routine at his point. He found that at Hogwarts, they weren’t beat. Just reprimanded. That was wrong. It wasn’t a proper punishment. So, whenever he got detention, he would take it upon himself to make it physical. Then it was considered a punishment in his eyes.

And now he should be punished for not realising Pandora’s problems. That maybe she was punishing him by not letting him realise. Overall, he didn’t know what he did wrong, so he made it right by scarring himself and revelling in sharp sting it brought. He sunk the blade deeper. Tears streamed down his face. The blood mirrored and mixed with the tears as it flowed and reached his wrists. Another battlefield, no longer one because it was too hard to hide. The bracelets and leather bands barely did the job.

Eventually he stopped. Stemmed the blood flow with a face cloth. Closing the main artery with magic. He didn’t want to bleed out, just bleed in general. It helped more to let the cuts heal the muggle way. It took longer than with magic, but Evan liked it. He waved his wand, the blood on his clothes, arm and cloth disappeared. And then he dried his face and gathered his ‘kit’ and walked back into the dorm room.

He put back the case. The others were still asleep. Although the sun was rising, they still had another three or four hours until they had to wake. It was a Sunday, so the only deadline was the end of breakfast. If Evan slept past that he could always nip down to the kitchens anyways. Or go without. That was an option too. Maybe the hunger would be enough of a pain to lessen the urge to pick at the scabs.

Evan climbed into Barty’s bed. Although he and Regulus had changed the sheets, it still smelled of him. The only thing that was missing was Barty himself, but the smell was enough to pretend he was there. Barty’s presence always calmed Evan. He could think more clearly, wasn’t as anxious. Sometimes Evan wondered if Barty was a drug. If he wasn’t even human and just and addiction to a substance that got so far, Evan had started to hallucinate from it and gotten emotionally attached to said hallucination that he would die if he had to let go.

Evan wondered weird shit sometimes.

Barty’s pheromones overtook all questions of Pandora’s vision and pretty soon Evan drifted off to the image of a boy. A boy with sharp cheekbones, pretty green eyes that always sparkled with mischief, messy black hair and a smile that bordered insane but was also infectious, babbling nonsense in Italian.

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 11 th October 1975  

“No Sirius, it’s not like that. I promise.” Regulus was pleading now. Pleading for his brother to just listen to him.  

“Then what is it Reg? Explain it to me.” Sirius shot back.  

“I would never, I didn’t even know you and her were going out.”  

Walburga had gotten wind of the fact Sirius was now dating a muggleborn. Mary Macdonald. Regulus didn’t know how exactly she had found out, but Sirius had received a howler that morning. His mother’s screech of how Sirius was an embarrassment to the family and how if he did not dump Macdonald, she would find someone to kill her and her family. Sirius was now furious at Regulus, thinking he had ratted him out to mother.  

“Mary is now terrified for her life, Reg. Because of you.” He spat the accusation and Regulus felt his blood boil.  

“Shut the actual fuck up Sirius, you don’t know shit. I never knew you were dating a muggleborn. I couldn’t give a shit if you were. There are hundreds of other asshole purebloods that could have told her. You are one of the most popular people in Hogwarts, people know who you are and by extension who you date. And people talk. They gossip. Rumors fly and we have no control over them. That is just how it is. How it will always be. So, take your head out of your arse and listen to me, you dick. I don’t give a shit of who you date, and I most certainly wouldn’t put someone you care about in harm’s way. Not because I care for them, because I care about you.”  

Sirius blinked and stared at his younger brother. “You called her a ‘muggleborn’ not a ‘mudblood.” He whispered the last word as if it were taboo.  

Regulus glared at him. “That’s the only thing you took away from that,” He waved his hands, trying to find an appropriate word, “declaration?!” He eventually settled on.  

“Well yeah, I assumed you would have used the slur. You are a Slytherin.”  

“Oh, fuck off Sirius and stop blaming me for things I don’t know and are out of my control anyway.” Regulus turned on his heel and stormed away, ignoring his brother’s cries for him to come back.  

He practically stomped through the castle and to the library. He hoped to get his homework done in peace before the match in two hours. It would be easy in the library, as he had study materials at his fingertips as well as the fact that Evan and Barty were now banned for the rest of the year.  

He slumped down at his preferred table. It was near the back, away from prying eyes. The section next to him was on a boring topic, the history of the magic world. It was outdated and the library had much more accurate books on the topic, so nobody disturbed his peace.  

He gets lost in his study, completed both essays he had been working on and started one for his Professor Binns. The history teacher. Funny how he had the appropriate books within reach. Literally. When he casts a time charm, he realizes he only has half an hour before the match starts. He packs up his things and makes his way to his dorm, only to be intercepted by a wall of muscle.  

“Oh sorry, are you alright? Oh, it’s you. Hello Regulus.” A warm voice helps him gather his things.  

“Potter.” Regulus nods out of politeness. In his mind he was ‘Potter? Potter. Bleghh, ew, gross, fuck off.’  

James straightens up and hands Regulus’ books back. He runs a hand through his hair and in doing so, hits his glasses, making them crooked. Regulus resists the urge to fix them. Then mentally chides himself for having that urge.  

“So... can go? I have a match to play, you know.” Regulus raises an eyebrow.  

James startles, as if he hadn’t seen him. Though he had, he was staring pretty intensely at Regulus’ mouth which was twisted into a scowl. As per usual. “What? Oh right, yes. I-I mean no. No.”  

“No?”  

“No, I need to talk to you about something. Well two things actually.”  

“Oh yeah?”  

James nods.  

“Well get on with it so, I haven’t got all day.”  

The other boy clears his throat. “Right, erm, Sirius-”  

“Ugh, him.” Regulus groans automatically, cutting James off.  

“Yes, your brother.”  

“More like yours.”  

James flinches at that. “Yeah, sorry about that mate. But I mean, you have the honor of being his real brother.  

“Yeah, real honor that is.” Regulus snorts.  

“You know I swear he always had a little sister. Just her, Cassie, I think her name is-was. Was. Never knew she had a twin. Just thought it was the two of them, but well, here you are.”  

“Here I am. And I won’t be here much longer if you do not tell me why you are pestering me, Potter.”  

“Right, yes, that.”  

James clears his throat again. “Sirius told me to tell you that he is sorry, and he realizes now that he wasn’t fair to make that assumption of you when it could have been anyone.”  

“Right.” Regulus doesn’t know what to do with this, so he changes the subject. “The other thing?”  

“Yes, it is mine and Lily’s one month in eleven days, can you write me another poem that I can give to her?”  

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “She knows they aren’t by you, what’s the point?”  

“She still loved it anyways. Thought it was sweet that I paid someone to write a poem about her.”  

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Will there be a payment this time?”  

“Same as last?”  

Regulus shrugs. “That will do. Now move, I cannot be late to my match.”  

“Oh, right yes, good luck by the way.”  

“I don’t need luck when I have skill. You forget I am the best seeker in Hogwarts, any match is a piece of cake. This one especially since Hufflepuff is easy to beat.” With that Regulus walks past James, continuing his path and not looking back. He can feel James’ eyes boring into his back as he goes.  

Within fifteen minutes, Regulus is standing on the pitch in his gear, listening to the captain’s instructions for warmups. Hooch’s whistle blows, signaling that they only have five minutes before the game starts. The captain, Theodore Nott, pulls them in for a pep talk. Or more like a ‘if you don’t win this, I will actually murder you’ talk. Not as inspiring. More like motivation out of fear.  

Regulus didn’t need to fret over Nott’s speech. He had one job. A job he did well. A job he would always complete. Catch the snitch first. The rest was the others’ problem. He had no part to play in it, therefore didn’t need to fear for his life. He wasn’t arrogant, just knew he had talent and didn’t shy away from using it. But he also didn’t go around bragging about it to anyone who would listen. If someone brought it up, he would accept the praise and move on. Not often using it in conversation unlike earlier. That was a once-off. Potter was delaying him, and he was getting antsy and cranky at the thought of being late. In his eyes, anything less than ten minutes early was late.  

The whistle was blown again, and the match started. Kicking off the ground, he shot into the sky with the rest of the team, only he kept going a few meters above where they had stopped. He observed his height, then his team’s positions, all angles of his viewpoint, before coming to rest on the stands. He spotted his friends, shouting and cheering. Barty and Dorcas held a banner. ‘Fuck them up, Regulus’ it said. He shook his head. Barty’s doing no doubt.  

He pulled his gaze away from his friends, only for it to land on his brother. What the fuck? He blinked. Yep, that was Sirius alright. James, Lupin and Pettigrew too. Fucking wonderful.  

He huffs an annoyed sigh before scanning the pitch again. Flashes of green and yellow flew below him. Slytherin had scored twice already and was setting up another one. Mulciber passed to Nott and- yep. Another score. Hufflepuff’s keeper and captain, Amos Diggory looked as if he was throwing a temper tantrum in the sky. Funny.  

Thirty minutes passed and the snitch was nowhere to be found. Slytherin had seven more scores, while Hufflepuff had only managed to score once. Regulus was getting bored now. He was running out of time. The rational part of his brain was saying that there was no time limit. Shut up brain.  

Another ten minutes and Regulus was desperate for some action. He zipped down the length of the pitch, to see if he could see more from there. Hufflepuff’s seeker right on his tail. She seemed to think he saw the snitch. Wonderful. He made a sharp turn, leading her along, and shot upwards, before dropping back down. Oh, this was fun.  

He stopped chasing nothing for five minutes before pulling the same trick again. And again, after that. And again. Before, after thirty more minutes, she caught on to what he was doing and stopped following. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.  

Just then a glint of gold caught his eye. The snitch. He flew after it and the other seeker didn’t follow him. Oh, this was just too good. The snitch flew higher and higher, Regulus climbing after it. He passed through a low hanging cloud and outstretched a hand. The cold metal, burning his palm. He closed his fingers and laughed. He had done it. Again. He had caught the snitch. No surprise to him, he was just glad for the game to finally be over.  

His broom jerked underneath him. He looked down and tightened his grip. It bucked up and down. He pressed his body towards the stick, to keep his balance. Then his broom rolled over and he slipped. He was now dangling in the sky with one hand. The other was still holding the snitch.  

He felt his fingers begin to slip and scrabbled for more grip. It didn’t work. And since the broom was still trying to shake him off, he lost his grip in doing so. He plummeted through the clouds to be submitted to gasps and screams. He didn’t scream though. He was going to die. He knew that he wouldn't survive this fall. Oh well. Pity. Not really, he hadn’t much to live for. His friends had each other, and his brother had replaced him. At least he won the game though. That was his last thought before everything went black.  

Regulus had disappeared up into to clouds a few minutes ago and Barty still couldn’t see him. The game was still going on but he kept his eyes on where he had last seen his friend. Soon he could see a shadow moving behind a light cloud. He couldn’t see exactly who or what was going on but assumed it to be Reg.  

The shadow slipped out of sight. And then he could see Regulus. He was falling, breaking through the clouds, body lifeless. He dropped his end of the banner and reached for his wand. Regulus had flown away at such an angle that only a few could see him. The teachers’ box was facing the wrong way. Shit.  

Desperately he summoned all his strength and tried a levitating spell. Then a slowing spell. Dorcas had noticed and had her wand out. Together they tried a cushioning spell. Still to no avail. Pandora turned and saw, she let out a scream. Time felt like it was slowing down, it couldn’t have been more than a minute, but felt like an age all the same.  

Regulus had flown high enough that he spent a while falling. Pandora had her hands over her face, Evan was frozen, and Barty and Dorcas were trying every single spell they knew, yet none of them were strong enough to succeed.  

Just when Regulus was near enough to the ground, a flash of yellow and black was zipping towards him. The Hufflepuff seeker. Regulus may be the best seeker, with his agility, speed, and observations, but the Hufflepuff could make a name for herself being the fastest. A few meters before a deathly collision between Reg and the ground would have happened, she had caught up to him and held him close on her broom.  

They kept falling, but at a much slower rate. Regulus would survive. They reached the ground and stumbled off. Even from the stands, Barty could sworn he heard the wet snap of a bone breaking.  

Not caring about rules, Barty ran out onto the pitch. The game was still going on, and Barty felt a surge of anger. His best friend had almost died and none of the even noticed. Madame Hooch blew her whistle at him. He ignored it and continued to Regulus’ side.  

He lay unmoving on the grass, leg at an awkward angle and arm twisted behind his back, no doubt both broken. He was unconscious but seemed to be breathing. In his other hand, he held a snitch. Barty huffed an amazed laugh, always determined to finish a job, his Regulus was.  

The Hufflepuff seeker sat and was healing a few scrapes on her forearm. She glanced over at Regulus every so often, while doing so. She finished and crawled over to him. She reached a hand out to check his pulse.  

“Don’t touch him,” Barty snapped before he could stop himself.  

The girl stared at him. “I just saved his bloody life and you’re ordering me to not touch him. What, you think I’m going to hurt him?”  

Barty didn’t answer and fell to his knees beside Regulus. He knew not to touch his neck or head, in case of spinal injury, and laid a hand on his arm instead.  

“Well? Are you going to answer me?” The girl’s voice cut in.  

He heaved a frustrated sigh and shook his head. “He doesn’t like physical touch.”  

She snorted, “He’s unconscious, he can’t feel it.”  

Memories of a small boy, paralyzed in fear flashed through Barty’s mind. A young boy, awakened from peaceful slumber by a servant. The feeling of his clothes being removed, bit by bit. The feeling of skin against skin and soft moans from the other party, while he desperately tried not to cry. It had happened more than once, every night, for almost three weeks. The other boy was interrupted once by another servant. “Stop that.” She had snapped. “He’s asleep, he can’t feel it.” Came the response. Then another body joined them, and Barty couldn’t fight them off. He was too scared by the first boy, but now with the girl he was outnumbered. Not moving in case, they hurt him.  

Barty shook himself back to the present day. “Muggle science.” He stated. “When in an accident or serious fall, anything that could result in a concussion really, you shouldn’t touch the head or neck, or move the injured person or else you might cause worse damage to the spine.”  

The girl stared at him. “You know muggle medicine?”  

“Obviously a bit.”  

“Bu-but you. You’re a Slytherin.”  

“And they call us the prejudiced ones,” Barty scoffed. “Maybe because you all make us out to be the villains, we eventually start acting like it. It’s all we’re ever given, so why should we repay you with kindness, when you degrade us for our house?”  

The girl hums. “Sorry.”  

“I was a hat stall. Nearly put into Ravenclaw, I spent ages begging the hat not to, I didn’t want to be in the same house as my father.” He admitted quietly, while he checked Regulus’ breathing rates. He wasn’t sure why he had said it, he just didn’t like the fact people thought him as stuck up or evil because of the color tie he wore.  

“Huh, I don't remember that. It must have been my third year? Or fourth. What year are you now?”  

“Fourth.”  

“Yeah, third year.”  

Barty nods, not really caring. Madame Hooch had finally made her way over to them. “Mr. Crouch, you know the- What in Merlin is this? What happened?”  

Barty pointed at his friend. “Regulus fell off his broom, was a high fall, though of course none of you noticed, only-” He squints at the girl. “What’s your name?”  

“Amelia, Amelia Bones.”  

“Right, only Amelia noticed just in time and caught him. They kept falling but the height was from 10 meters rather than 10,000.”  

“Pretty sure that’s an exaggeration of the height, but yeah, that doesn't matter much. What matters is that he gets medical attention soon, oh and the game has been over for, what?” Amelia looks at Barty.  

“Twenty minutes or so, he caught the snitch before he fell.” Barty shrugs.  

Madame Hooch clears her throat, “Right well, I’ll get Poppy, shall I?”  

“You do that.” Barty smirks.  

She nods, pale faced, and walks off to fetch the nurse.  

Dorcas and Pandora raced over to him soon after. Pandora flopped down beside Regulus, inspecting him.  

“Don’t-”  

“Touch his neck, head, or move him, yeah yeah. I know Barty, keep your tits on.” Pandora cut him off.  

Dorcas turned to him, “Is he ok?”  

Barty shrugs, “I’m not a doctor, but he’s not dead. That I know for sure.”  

Amelia snorts, “you sure looked like a doctor a minute ago. Checking him out.”  

“Barty, he fell off his broom and is unconscious, now is not the time to be gaying over his unfairly prettiness. Keep it in your pants, Crouch. Stop checking the boy out when he’s after been knocked out.” Dorcas scolds swatting him.  

Amelia dissolves into laughter. “Not what I meant, but now that you mention it, some of the stares weren’t just from being a ‘doctor’.”  

“The fuck is a doctor?” Evan interrupts, limping up to where they stood.  

“Muggle Healer.” Pandora calls over her shoulder.  

“Right and who the fuck is she?” Evan gestures to Amelia who huffs a laugh.  

“Amelia Bones, Saviour of your friend's life and Hufflepuff’s seeker, pleased to meet you.” She extends a hand, which Evan shook a little confused.  

“Move Crouch.” Someone pushes past Barty and falls to his knees beside Regulus. Sirius motherfucking Black.  

“Why?!” He wails, “Why take my little brother, he’s too young, put him back and take me instead Death. Why did you have to take little Reggie?!”  

Regulus stirs slightly and blinks open one eye, “It’s Regulus you prick,” before he promptly passes out again.  

“Oh,” Sirius looks down, and unclasps his hands from where they were held in a prayer like position, “You’re alive. Well done. Carry on.”  

Pandora glares at him. “Are you always this insensitive?”  

“What do you mean?” Sirius blinks back.  

“Your brother nearly died and your response to realizing he’s alive is ‘well done, carry on’?” 
“Nearly, is the key word there, love.” 

“That’s the only thing you took away from that?” Evan interjects at Pandora’s sputtering.  

Sirius looks up and smiles. His eyes are rimmed red, and his lower lip trembles. Barty recognizes an act when he sees one. He was just surprised he didn’t catch on to how upset Sirius really was until now.  

“All right, all right, out of my way boys, leave him have some space” Pomfrey comes bustling through the group to get to Regulus, Hooch and McGonagall following. McGonagall sighs and helps Sirius to his feet. She awkwardly half hugs him before guiding up to the castle. The rest of his group followed.  

Barty went over to stand with Evan who was leaning on one leg. The other slightly raised. He was limping earlier, Barty remembered.  

“What happened your leg Ev?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t serious.  

Evan shrugs, “I don’t actually know, but I’ve been getting back pains that trigger it.”  

“Weird.”  

“Right?”  

Barty nods. He looks over to the girls. Dorcas was staring into space by the forest. He saw her shoulders hitch but couldn’t see her expression. Pandora was lying on the grass, staring at the sky. As you do. Evan sat next to her, so Barty went to Dorcas.  

He wraps her in his arms, and she turns to press her face into his chest.  

“I was so scared,” she whispered. “I tried all the spells I knew, and none of them were working, and I thought,” She swallows harshly. “I thought he was going to die, and that I would have to live, knowing I couldn’t save him.”  

Barty holds her tighter, swaying slightly. He read somewhere that gentle rocking movements help with a panic attack. He assumed it would apply in this situation.  

“He’s okay, Cas. Amelia saved him and Pomfrey will heal him. You are still a student; you shouldn’t have been expected to try save him. I knew myself before I tried that I wasn’t going to be strong enough to properly save him. I didn’t listen to that because I don’t like to listen at all, but if it did have a negative outcome, neither of us would have been held accountable. It was the teachers’ fault for not paying attention to the fact he had disappeared from the game. But aside from that, he’s alive, not too severely injured, only a broken arm and leg and concussion, and he’s going to be healed in no time. Because unlike muggles, we can use magic.”  

Dorcas nods. Or at least tries to. Hard to do when she’s pressed against someone. Barty drops his head onto hers, inhaling the scent of her mango shampoo. Who knew shampoo could be fancy? He wondered if it tasted like mangoes.  

 She pulls back after a few minutes and Barty wipes her face. He presses a kiss to her forehead, and she smiles up at him, gratefully.  

Madame Pomfrey had Regulus in a stable condition and began to levitate him to bring him up to the castle. The four of them followed. Barty noticed Evan was struggling.  

“Rosie! Piggyback!” He calls, cheerfully.  

“I’m not carrying you, Barty.” Evan sighs.  

“Nope, I’m carrying you, now come one, ride me.”  

Dorcas snorts and it takes a while for Barty to figure out why. He laughs at the shock on Evan’s face. “Not like that Ev.” He bites his lip and makes a show of checking the other boy out. “I mean, unless you want to.” He winks, and Evan gets even more flustered.  

“I am like a foot taller than you, Bee. You can’t carry me.” Evan sighs.  

“Oh, come off it, Rosie. You weigh fuck all, I can lift you easily.”  

“Oh yeah?”  

“Yup.” Barty grins.  

“Alright then, turn around.” Evan orders.  

“Bossy, I can work with this.” Barty notes.  

Evan smacks the back of his head. He wraps his arms around Barty’s neck and jumps up, his legs locking around Barty’s waist. Barty holds onto the underside of his thighs and takes off running. He catches up to the others with ease.  

Evan had pressed his face into Barty’s hair. “If you kill me, I will resurrect myself just so I can punch you, and then bring you with me to the afterlife.”  

“The things you say that always turn me on, Rose.” Barty sighs.  

He predicts the pinch to his ear, yet it still hurts. “Ouchie.” He complains.  

Dorcas bursts out laughing. “Ouchie?”  

Barty feels his cheeks heat up, “it’s an Italian way of expressing pain. We all say it. Don’t be racist Dorcas.” It totally wasn’t but they didn’t need to know that.  

Dorcas just shakes her head in amusement, smiling. Barty is glad he could cheer her up. He seems to be designated person for doing that in their group. Unless he causes the person to need cheering up in the first place. Then he was usually hexed by Regulus.  

They continue, mostly in silence, to the hospital wing. Regulus is being lowered onto a bed when they enter, his body limp. Barty cannot help the pang of worry that spikes him, looking at his best friend lifeless, after such an accident. It scared him how pale Regulus looked, how cold, how dead.  

They are ordered to wait by the office, away from the patients. Away from Regulus. They watch as Pomfrey tipped healing potion after healing potion into Regulus’ mouth. She muttered a few spells and slowly but surely, Regulus became less pale and limp. It looked more as if he were only sleeping now. No longer dead.  

The Amelia girl sat in the bed next to Regulus. She had escaped lightly, only a twisted ankle, pulled muscle and fractured ribs. She slowly drank at her pain potion and Barty was waiting rather impatiently for Pomfrey to move onto her, so he could see Reg.  

Regulus was everything to Barty but there was the sad truth that Barty would only ever be something to Regulus. He loved Reg, he loved his littles tics of annoyance. His stubborn and petulant moods. The sighs of frustration when he had to fix a mess Barty had made. Barty only ever made messes. Someone else always had to clean them up, for if he tried he only made things worse.  

One wrong word and entire friendships would fall. Barty was to blame. One wrong move and the relationship crumbled. Barty was to blame. One wrong habit and the interaction of a student and teacher turned sour. Barty was to blame. Barty was always to blame with this stuff.  

A reason why he hadn’t talked directly to Regulus alone. In fact, he would go out of his way to ensure that they didn’t end up alone. He wasn’t sure if Reg had noticed, but Barty had stopped touching him too. Stopped the hugs, and punches. The overdramatic kisses to his forehead and cheeks. Propping his feet up in his lap. He had refrained from picking him up and tossing him onto the bed for cuddles if Barty had a bad day. He used to always do that. Regulus pretended to hate it, but Barty knew he didn’t mind.  

He wondered if Regulus would miss it. He hoped anyways, though it wasn’t likely for him to notice it was gone in the first place. Regulus hated physical touch, though he accepted it from Barty and Pandora. And Dorcas too lately, he didn’t mind. It would just have to be Dorcas and Pandora now; Barty would avoid him like the plague if he had to.  

Admitting it to Dorcas made it all seem a lot scarier. Barty wasn’t a brave man. He ran from his problems, caused distractions rather than facing them maturely. And now that he had said the words out loud, he was prepared to run. He only hoped that Regulus wasn’t faster. That he wouldn’t catch up to him. Because if he did, Barty wouldn’t be able to help himself. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself from reaching out to Regulus. Just the one touch and Barty would end up breaking his Regulus. Little did Barty know that there would never not be a time where Reg was broken in some way.  

Evan watched Barty ponder...something. He didn’t know what. Usually, he could read Barty like a book, but the lines were blurred today. He could see the page; Barty chewing on his top lip, but not the words; what he was thinking. A foreign concept to Evan.  

Eventually they were allowed over to Regulus but had to be quiet. Evan was grateful to stretch his legs. He didn’t know how long they were waiting for, but his arse had gone numb and his back stiff. His leg spasmed as he stood up, leading to him falling flat faced on the floor. He could feel Barty's gaze of concern raking along Evan’s prone body.  

He heard a sharp intake of breath and cold fingers pressed to the exposed piece of skin where his shirt had ridden up from the fall. They were Barty's fingers, no doubt. Evan would know his touch anywhere. He was tracing the scars that were visible. Tracing the scars. Tracing the- tracing the scars.  

He swotted away Barty’s hand and pulled himself up, using the chair. He kept his gaze to the floor and limped past Barty. Barty’s eyes followed the leg lagging. Fuck’s sake dad.  

“Ev-” Barty’s voice sounded hollow, yet curious.  

“Not now Barty” he snapped back, annoyed. At what he wasn't sure, but he was annoyed.  

He joined the girls over by Regulus’ bed. They were chatting about hair treatments and beads? Girls. He would never understand them. Barty managed to gather himself and joined them a minute later. He didn’t say anything which Evan was grateful for. But he knew Barty wouldn’t rest until they talked about it. Wonderful.  

Evan noticed that Barty had kept himself quite a bit away from Regulus. Not hanging onto his hand for dear life or propping his feet up on the quilt. He sat in one of the chairs rather than squeezing onto the side of the mattress. Weird. At least he had ammo on Barty now for their inevitable conversation.  

Regulus’ eyes fluttered open after a while. He squinted against the harsh light and wiggled his fingers. Evan was the only one who noticed. The girls were talking, and Barty was watching them.  

“Hey Cassie,” Barty began.  

“Yes Barty?” Regulus grumbled an answer, still hazy from his concussion.  

Pandora sucked in a sharp breath and Dorcas winced. Weird. But- wait...Regulus answered? To the name Cassie?  

As if on cue, Regulus bolted upwards. Face pale. He then fell back onto his pillows and blinks rapidly. His eyes glassy. Evan had never seen Regulus cry before. He was about to ask what that was about when Pomfrey pulled back the curtain.  

“Go to dinner, now. Regulus needs his rest. Go on, off with ye.” She shooed them out of the hospital wing.  

They trudged to the main hall and sat down. Dorcas and Pandora kept exchanging glances but other than that kept their gazes downcast. Something was going on. The girls knew. But Evan didn’t. And by the looks of it neither did Barty. Something weird was going on alright. And Regulus was involved, if not the entire dilemma.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 22 nd October 1975  

Regulus blinked as harsh, white lights flooded his vision. He scrubbed his face and sat up. Wincing as a sharp pain travelled down his spine. The disgusting smell of antiseptic filled his senses, and he rubbed his eyes to get rid of the sleepy haze he was trapped in.  

“Reggie, you’re awake.” A voice whispered beside him.  

“Obviously.” He drawled.  

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, you nearly died, lose the sarcasm for once in your life.”  

“Hmmm, I’ll pass.”  

“Ugh why are you always so difficult.”  

“Why are you always so stupid?”  

“I am not.”  

“Are too.”  

“Am not.”  

“Are-” Regulus was cut off by another voice.  

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, bunch of children you two are.”  

“Moony, you wound me.”  

“Sirius, enough with the dramatics please.”  

“I agree with Lupin.” Regulus yawns, “You’re giving me a headache, shut the actual fuck up.”  

Sirius huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.  

“Should one of us get Madame Pomfrey?” Sirius says after a minute.  

Lupin stood up, “I’ll go.”  

He limped off, leaving the brothers alone. Sirius look Regulus up and down, eyes filling with tears.  

“You’re alive.” He whispered hoarsely.  

Regulus was about to make another snarky comment but the expression on his brother’s face stopped him. Instead, he just sighed and nodded, a lump in his throat from seeing his brother cry.  

Sirius blinks and looks at his hands. Regulus noticed that his brothers’ fingernails were bitten and the skin around, picked at enough to draw blood. A tear drop falls onto his hand and Regulus wipes it away. He keeps his hand in Sirius’ though, not pulling away. Normally this type of affection would have grossed him out, made him feel tainted, but Sirius needed this right now. And part of Regulus did too, not that he would ever admit it.  

“I really thought- I thought, you-you-” Sirius chokes out a harsh sob.  

“So did I.” Regulus whispers. “But- well, I didn’t.”  

“I feel horrible. I didn’t even notice Crouch ran out onto the pitch and Hooch blew her whistle at him. I couldn’t see what was going on properly, but the commentator could. He said that you were on the ground with the Hufflepuff seeker, I didn’t realize- I didn’t know. I-I-”  

“Sirius. It wasn’t your fault. I flew away from the game, out of many people’s views. It's not on you that you didn’t see me fall.”  

Sirius shudders. “I was so scared,” voice a whisper.  

“Sirius.”  

His brother emits a slow whine as his tears pick up their pace.  

“Sirius. Sirius look at me.” Regulus orders, voice firm.  

Sirius turns back and meets Regulus’ eyes. His brother looked pretty when he was crying. No other way to describe it really. It was hard to admit Sirius was more attractive than Regulus. But Regulus had come to terms with Sirius outshining him in everything.  

Regulus swallows and lifts a hand to Sirius’ face. He didn’t flinch. Regulus wiped his older brother’s cheeks as Sirius closes his eyes and lets out a stuttered breath.  

“I’m sorry.” He croaks.  

“What for?”  

“Being a mess.”  

“You’re allowed to be upset, you are only human after all, though your ego is like a god’s.”  

Sirius lets out a startled and shaky laugh. He sniffs and opens his eyes.  

“Can I hug you? I just want to make sure you’re real.”  

Regulus blinks at him. “I’m literally holding your hand right now. Isn’t that enough?”  

“Your hand is so cold though. Always was before.”  

Regulus stays silent for a second. He hears Sirius’ deflated sigh.  

“You can hug me Sirius, just not too tight.” He whispers.  

His brother shifts and there is a dip in the bed beside Regulus. Two arms hold him loosely and he leans against his brother’s chest. Sirius lets out a little breath and presses his face into the top of Regulus’ head.  

“Don’t you dare get your slimy snot in my hair, or I swear to Salazar, Sirius, you won’t live to see another day.” Regulus warns.  

Sirius just laughs. “I’ll be careful not to.”  

Regulus grunts in agreement and leans into his brother once more. He slowly drifts off, encased in a smell of leather, cigarettes, Firewhiskey, and... wet dog? The smell of Sirius. Though the smell of the dog was new. Unless Sirius had managed to smuggle in a dog or involve the poor creature in one of his pranks. Knowing his brother, he would not be surprised if that was the case.  

He wakes again later that day to a sound of rustling and a Spanish accent babbling on about Quidditch. Madame Pomfrey is fiddling with the curtains, and James is talking away about tactics or something. Sirius is sitting in the chair next to Regulus, asleep and drooling.  

James does a double take when Regulus sits up again.  

“Hey!” He smiles brightly, “You’re awake.”  

Regulus rolls his eyes. “What is it with ye fools and always stating the obvious?”  

James just laughs in response. Madame Pomfrey turns around and smiles warmly.  

“Good to see you’re awake again, there are some pain potions on your locker should you need them. I will leave you two to it, call if you need anything.”  

Regulus nods and the nurse slips out.  

“So,” James leans forward, “how are you feeling.”  

“Like I just got run over by the Hogwarts Express.”  

James gasps. The frowns.  

“Was that...sarcasm?”  

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Yes James, well done, do you want a medal?”  

James nods eagerly, and Regulus must fight for it to stop twitching at the corners.  

James grins slowly after a while, eyes bright as usual.  

Regulus side-eyes him. “What?” he asks suspiciously.  

“You used my name.”  

“What?”  

“You said my name. James. You called me James.”  

Regulus scoffs, “when?”  

“Just there, you asked if I wanted a medal, you said; ‘Yes James, that was sarcasm, would you like a medal?’ You used my first name.”  

“What? No, I didn’t, I said Potter.”  

“Yes, you did.”  

“Did not.”  

“Okay fine, believe that then, I know it really happened.”  

“You’re delusional Potter.”  

“Better than in denial.”  

“Whatever, pass me that water there, would you?”  

James does as much but his movements were stilted. His right arm tight, and not as freely moving as his left as he pours out a glass of water.  

Regulus narrows his eyes and scans his arm intensely. Ignoring the bulging muscles that were making his mouth water for some reason, he eventually managed to find the point of most restriction. Potter’s shoulder. He was good at finding physical problems the muggle way from when he would heal Sirius, without a wand.  

Potter passes him the glass, with a smile on his face. Regulus could see it was tighter than usual and he waited before taking the glass. James kept holding the glass out, and sure enough his arm began to spasm slightly. Regulus watches the water looking for tremors. Small little waves appear in the glass after another while and James’ smile grows tighter, eyes obviously showing pain.  

Regulus tuts in his mind, mentally scolding James for such signs of weakness. Walburga would curse him ten times over for showing hints of pain. Then Regulus remebers that he’s not at Grimmauld Place, but at Hogwarts, where showing discomfort or injury won’t get you on the opposing side of the wand for the cruciatus curse.  

He takes the glass and brings it to his lips. James drops his arm down, sighing slightly, relief clouding his features before that same shit-eating grin is back again.  

Regulus sips his water, holding James’ gaze before he lowers the glass on the locker next to him. He raises an eyebrow. “What happened your shoulder, Potter?”  

“What?” James looks at his right shoulder and circles it. “Nothing it’s fine.”  

“Other one.”  

“That’s fine too. “  

“Do the same circle movement then.”  

James hesitates but does it. He didn’t wince but Regulus could see the flinch in his eyes. How they narrow ever so slightly, almost impossible to miss to normal people. But Regulus wasn’t normal. He was a son of the House of Black and spent years training himself to analyze people and situations to avoid too many punishments.  

“See, fine.” James replies.  

“You can’t lie to save your life Potter.”  

“I’m not lying,” he protests.  

“Huh, you see Potter, when you are raised with Walburga and Orion Black as parents, you must learn how to lie. And how to tell when someone else is. How someone else feels. It’s basic knowledge if you wish to survive. You might have a good poker face, but your eyes give you away. They give everyone away. You just need to stare at them. Some people, other pure bloods are good at it, but not as smart. It takes a while, but I can eventually figure out what they’re feeling. I’m never caught though. Why do you think my eyes look so dead all the time? I’m smart. Smarter than everyone else in my family. You can’t lie to me Potter; I can read your eyes like a fucking book. You’ve never been tortured, and it shows. Your gaze is open and unguarded, I see right through your attempts at fibbing, so I suggest you give up. Now I will ask again, what happened to your shoulder?”  

James sucks in a sharp breath at Regulus’ speech. Regulus merely stares at him, eyebrow raised until James’ posture deflates.  

“At the match, I caught the quaffle the wrong way, my shoulder went back, and now it feels sore and weird.”  

Regulus beckons him over, so James approaches cautiously.  

“Around here?” Regulus asks, fingers prodding the joint.  

James nods, wincing as Regulus presses down on an uneven lump. James’ arm joint. His fucking joint, out of place.  

“Oh, you fucking idiot.” He grumbles.  

“What? Why?” James asks.  

“You have been walking around for the past,” He looks at the stars outside and does quick mental calculations of their positions, “roughly four to five days with a fucking dislocated shoulder.”  

James gapes at him. “How did you do that? The day, and the shoulder, what? How?”  

Regulus tugs James’ other arm, so that he’s sitting beside him on the bed. He begins to massage at the joint, slowly guiding it back into place.  

“The shoulder? Experience from Sirius, and muggle medicine books I was interested in. The days past? The positions of the stars in the sky. The Astronomy Tower is right above us, so I can see the sky from the same angle, and the distance the constellations have moved helps me judge the time period of now and the last night I was up there.”  

James huffs an impressed breath, but Regulus chooses to ignore it. After a few more minutes of kneading the muscles of James’ shoulder, he is ready.  

“Right so this is going to hurt. Alot.” He announces.  

“What is, exactly?”  

“Popping your shoulder back into place.”  

“What?! No, you can’t, what if it goes wrong.”  

“Relax, I know what I’m doing.”  

“Have you done it before?”  

“Twice.”  

“Oh.”  

“Mhm, you ready?”  

“Not really no.”  

“Ok, I’ll wait a minute.”  

“Thanks.”  

No sooner had the word left James’ mouth, Regulus was applying pressure on the joint as hard as he could, guiding it into the right position, and.. . pop. Done.  

“Ow what the fuck?!” James cried.  

“All sorted.”  

“I thought you said you would wait.”  

“I lied.” 
James shakes his head in disbelief. He wiggles his shoulder a bit. Reaching forward and backwards, doing that circular movement again.  

“Hey! It doesn’t hurt anymore. Just a bit stiff.”  

“Told you I knew what I was doing.” Regulus smirks. “Now get off my bed, wake my brother, and get the fuck out of here, I want to sleep.”  

“Aye aye, boss.” James salutes Regulus who struggles not to laugh at the silly expression on his face.  

The older boy doesn’t even wake Sirius, just picks him up, bridal style and walks out, offering a small smile that Regulus reluctantly returns before leaving.  

When Jame is gone, Regulus reaches for his journal. He opens the last page he wrote on and looks at the moon phase of the day. He always wrote them down, keeping track so that he wouldn’t fail to get Pandora her supplies for her rituals, or miss said events. There was another day of waxing gibbous moons, bringing him to last night, which was the full moon of the month and tonight which was a waning gibbous.  

He begins filling in his journal for the day, making a mental note to apologize to Pandora for missing her ritual. Memories flooded his brain and one of them had made him break out in a cold sweat. He had answered to the name ‘Cassie.’ Or even worse, Barty had called him by that name. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. This was bad, very bad. He wrote down the incident, in French by accident. A reflex, he wasn’t taught English until he was six, having lived in Paris until then. When he was stressed or anxious he would often slip into French.  

The rustling of the curtain being drawn pulls him back to reality. He looks up, expecting Madame Pomfrey but is greeted by Remus Lupin standing there.  

“Hey Regulus, can I stay for a while? I don’t want to be alone right now.”  

Regulus nods jerky and draws his legs up, gesturing to the end of his bed. Lupin perches there, gently.  

“Are you... crying?” he asks, frowning at Regulus.  

“Non.” Regulus says, thickly. Then he reaches a hand to his cheek and feels that it is wet. “Oh, never mind. It turns out I am actually.”  

Remus snorts and Regulus can’t help a watery laugh from escaping.  

“Are you okay though?” The other boy’s amber eyes bore into him.  

“I don’t know.” Regulus admits. “I-I answered to something that I shouldn’t have and probably exposed myself.”  

“Oh, yeah I get that.” Remus looks out the window, pupils dilating at the sight of the moon.  

He looks back at Regulus and sighs.  

“Are you ok?” Regulus asks.  

“Nightmare.” Remus shrugs.  

“Ah.”  

“Yeah.” Remus looks down slightly and his eyes widen. “Oh. Oh- Oh Merlin.”  

He meets Regulus’ confused gaze. “They weren’t there before.” And then his gaze is on Regulus’ chest again.   

Regulus looks down. Fuck. HIs tits were back. Talk about timing. Fuck’s sake, honestly.  

“Holy shit. Regulus what the fuck is going on?”  

“I-I can explain,” Regulus stutters, pleading.  

“Okay then, explain please?”  

Regulus crosses his arms over his chest. For five years nobody had known, and now everyone was finding out in the space of a few weeks. He lets out a nervous breath and looks down at his wrist. Faint white lines glared back at him from under the crystal bracelet Pandora had made him. Knowing it was him who put them there made him feel a little more comfortable.  

He takes the first bead, taking a breath and rotates. He takes the second and exhales, rotate and repeat. Just like Panda had shown him. To calm himself. It works. Remus was waiting patiently, and the fact he wasn’t pressuring Regulus to hurry up or freaking out made him feel a little more relaxed. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  

“I am a boy but was born a girl.” He states after a while. When Remus didn’t respond he continues, “I know I am male in my mind, but my body is female, and I can’t help how I feel. And I feel happy and comfortable as a ‘boy,’ I hated being a daughter, a sister, but I’m a brother now and I’m going to stay that way. Pandora compared it to Polyjuice potion, I can’t remember it exactly but something how when you look in the mirror, you know that body isn't yours. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but your mind stays the same to who you are, and it tells you that that body isn’t right.”  

“Oh ok, thank Godric. I was scared you had been hexed or your water had been spiked. A prank maybe, but it’s not. Good.” Was Remus's reply.  

Regulus stares at him. “You’re ok with it?”  

“It’s a type of queerness, I think. One of the muggles in the village said something about changing genders like that. I don’t know. I have not told anyone, but since you shared a secret, I’ll tell you. I’m queer. So, I can kind of understand. Besides, it is none of my business, who you used to be, you have always been Regulus to me and will be even now.”  

“Oh.” People were accepting it. It was strange to Regulus. He wondered if everyone was aa open minded as this. He doubted it though. He reapplies the spell on his chest. Much better.  

Remus’s voice breaks the silence again. “You changed your name?”  

Regulus nods.  

“And out of all the boys’ names in the world, you chose Regulus ?”  

“Ahm okay, wolf wolf.”  

“What?”  

“Remus Lupin? Wolf Wolf? Have you never learnt the translation of your name?”  

Something passes in Remus's eyes. Exasperation and shock. “Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.”  

“Nope, it’s true.”  

“Godric’s saggy balls.”  

Regulus breaks out into laughter. “Out of all the swears Sirius has said, I have never heard that one before.”  

“Where did you think he learnt them from? Certainly, wasn’t Pete, James rarely uses them too.”  

“You?”  

Remus nods, a glint of mischief in his eyes. “I can teach you some if you want.”  

Regulus wrinkles his nose, “No thanks, I get enough of that from Barty and Evan.”  

“Fair enough.”  

“Also, I didn’t choose my name. My mother did. When Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor, she pulled me aside. Made and unbreakable vow with me. I must act as the perfect heir if Sirius fails. In return I get to live my life as a boy.”  

“Jesus, that’s rough.”  

Regulus shrugs. “It’s normal really, on this planet anyways. Maybe in the future or another world it will be more common and accepted. Also, if you could keep it quiet, that would be nice.”  

“Of course. Just keep mine quiet too.”  

“Obviously.”  

Remus nods, smiling.  

“Does Sirius know?”  

“Obviously, but he won’t bring it up and just shuts it down if I try to. I don’t think he understands it.”  

Remus hums, “I can threaten him if you want.”  

“Please, I am perfectly capable of doing so myself.”  

“Fair enough.”  

The two of them keep on chatting to the early hours of the morning. Remus leaves just as the sun is breaking through, limping as he does. The early dawn highlighting just how pale and sick the other boy looks. Only later did Regulus wonder why he was in the infirmary.  

After a good nine hours of sleep, Regulus woke again to the sound of Barty and Evan’s hushed whispering. He inwardly groaned. How would they react if he told them? Would they be like Remus, Pandora and Dorcas and be totally fine, would they be like Sirius and refuse to talk about it or would they disgrace and reveal him to the entire wizarding world? Would they still be friends with him even if they didn’t like it?  

Eventually, he decided he was too impatient to wait it out. He had to know. He opened his eyes and sat right up, the other two boys’ conversation halting immediately. They eyed him, Barty with confusion and concern, Evan with suspicion and determination.  

“What?” He snapped after a minute of silence with them staring at him.  

“Noth-” Evan began but was cut off by Barty.  

“Who’s Cassie? And why did you answer to her name?”  

Evan rolled his eyes and kicked Barty’s ankle, but he looked curious as well. His eyes gave him away. Always the eyes.  

“Nobody,” Regulus bit out through gritted teeth.  

“Oh, but I thought she was your twin sister?” Evan challenges, eyebrow raised in a cocky manner.  

Barty’s eyes are blown wide. “You have a twin?!”  

“Not anymore.” Evan informed him. He took a piece of parchment from his pocket and showed it to Barty.  

CASSIOPEIA BLACK DEAD FROM MUGGLE ILLNESS  

Regulus remembered that headline. He remembered it well. He had wondered what Sirius would think of it, but he didn’t write or show up to the funeral. The fake funeral where Regulus had attended as his own twin, while his mother used a potion to create fake memories of him for those important enough to attend.  

“Shit, Reg, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” Barty looked up; eyes full of remorse. That was good, right? If Barty believed it, he could play along. Continuing with the illusion of his old self until it was no longer relevant.  

“Where is she buried Reg? We could go visit her. I miss my cousin so much; I can’t imagine how you feel about it.” Evan had a wicked glint in his eye, something that wouldn’t rest until he had Regulus figured out.  

“Oh, shit yeah, you’re cousins with Reg. I forgot about that.” Barty jumped back in, interrupting a stare off between Evan and Regulus. The former’s eyes full of feigned remorse and suspicion, the latter is giving away nothing.  

“Yes,” Regulus broke the silence after a second, “Me and Ev are second cousins or something. I’m not sure. Our family tree is a fucking wreath. Not only is Sirius my brother, but he is also my third cousin. And Cassie doesn’t have a grave. She was cremated.”  

“No but look here,” Evan holds out the newspaper, “It says that she has been laid to rest in the Black cemetery in Carcassonne in France.”  

“It’s an empty grave. Tradition more than anything. A memorial headstone. She was cremated.” Regulus insists.  

“Oh, right.” Evan nods, not believing a word Regulus just said.  

Regulus looks back to Barty when the latter opens his mouth to say more, but Evan interrupts, pressing on.  

“So why did you answer to her name, if she’s dead?”  

Regulus’ fingers flutter at his sides. He crosses his arms over his chest, his posture giving away everything. Evan was talking about a sensitive topic. Regulus was feeling threatened, even if he didn’t show it on his face.  

“I was still half asleep and concussed; I didn’t know what was happening. I thought Barty called ‘Reggie’ not ‘Cassie’.”  

“Right.” Evan blew out a breath. Dammit. He had forgotten how stubborn Regulus was. But he could tell Reg was lying. His finger was tapping against his arm in what others might deem an impatient manner. Evan knew better, Regulus was nervous. Evan was making him nervous. That lead him to believe Reg was lying. Something wasn’t adding up here.  

Evan started going on a list about what was suspicious about Regulus, while he and Barty talked about Barty’s latest antics.  

Number one; Regulus never changed in front of them. Not once had Evan seen Regulus in underwear or shirt off. Evan didn’t take his shirt off either, but that was because of his scars. Regulus did not have any from what Evan noticed only when his shirt rode up a few inches.  

Number 2; Regulus had severe mood swings at the same time as both Pandora and Dorcas got snappier too. Usually, he would be pissed at the smallest things for a week or so. This wouldn’t had stuck out to him before but the fact Pandora and Dorcas both seemed to know what the fuck was going on  

Number 3; Regulus didn’t talk about his life before Hogwarts. Ever. Never even mentioned Cassie or what kind of twins they were. What she was like as a child before she died. He always assumed it was sore for him to talk about it, but the last few days made that fact more suspicious.  

Number 4; He answered to her name. Her name. Not his. There was no mistake about who he was talking to. He said Barty’s name in his reply.  

Number 5; The fact he was able to get into the girls’ dorms. And how Pandora had called him an idiot when they all realized. And how Dorcas went stiff as a board to it.  

Number 6; When Pandora and Dorcas went to the bathrooms, he sometimes went with them. Even though boys couldn’t get into the girls’ bathrooms. Like the girls’ dorms.  

Which led him to a conclusion. A ridiculous one, but judging off his evidence, not an impossible one. Regulus is a girl. He was Cassie. Why would he pretend to be a boy and change his name? Evan didn’t know. But it would make his suspicions related and make sense.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 31 st October 1975  

“I’m bored,” Barty moaned from where he lay on his bed.  

“I really don’t give a shit.” Regulus replied, not looking up from his book.  

Pandora snickered.  

Barty flops back down onto his bed and groans loudly. There was nothing to do, the Halloween feast was three hours today and classes were cut short due to a prank pulled by Sirius and Co.  

“Your hair is really healthy, Panda, what kind of bleach do you use for it?” Dorcas hums, twisting and wrapping Pandora’s blonde locks.  

“I don’t dye it. It’s natural.”  

Dorcas freezes, “wait, really?!”  

Pandora nods.  

“So cool.” Dorcas breathes out.  

“Ooh!” Barty shoots up. “I know, I could dye my hair.”  

“Here we go.” Evan mutters.  

“Quiet Rosie, I want to dye my hair. Green. Though not all my hair, just the end bits. Oh and I could pierce my tongue too.”  

“Sorry, pierce you what?” Regulus stares at him.  

“Pierce my tongue, one of my neighbours has it done and it’s so cool.”  

“That’s gross. You would have to eat food on top of a new piercing. It won’t be long before it gets infected and that’s more disgusting.” Dorcas wrinkles her nose.  

“Doesn’t McKinnon have a tongue piercing?” Evan smirks.  

Dorcas’ eyes go wide, her pupils dialating at the thought.  

“Reggie. Reg. Reg the Egg. Reghead. Reggielicious. Reginald.” Barty whines.  

“What?” The other boy snaps, glaring at him.  

“Will you pierce my tongue?”  

“Why would I do that?”  

“Because you're my only option, I don’t trust myself to do it. Evan won’t let his fingers near my mouth for fear of me biting him. Dorcas thinks it’s gross. And Pandora’s nails have dirt under them from the greenhouses earlier.”  

“Hey! You got your weed, be grateful.” Pandora points out and Barty bows his head and holds up his hands in mock surrender.  

“No.”  

“Please Regulus.”  

Regulus sighs. “I want something in return.”  

“Anything.” Barty grins.  

“Ok then, I’ll cash in the favor whenever an appropriate time arises. Pandora, want to come with me to figure out how to impale Barty’s tongue with a piece of metal?”  

“Sure.” Pandora grins and hops up to her feet. She waves at the others as they leave the dorm.  

“How are we supposed to do this.” Regulus hisses.  

Pandora shrugs. “A muggle-born might know. They fuck with that kind of stuff.”  

“Yeah, you’re-,” Regulus cuts himself off and freezes. “Did you just swear?”  

“And here I was thinking you had ears.” She rolls her eyes.  

“Those imbeciles are rubbing off on you.”  

“I know pureblood families have a tradition for incest, but I would rather not picture my brother jacking off to the thought of me.”  

Regulus snorts. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”  

“Yeah, but you basically handed me that opportunity, I wasn’t going to ignore it.”  

“Fair.”  

They continue in silence for a few minutes until Regulus breaks it. “So, what exactly are we doing?”  

“We could go to the library or- Evans!” She yells. They redhead further down the corridor turned around, startled.   

Pandora drags Regulus with her as she marches over to Lily Evans.  

“Can I help you?” She raises an eyebrow.  

Regulus rolled his eyes, “obviously or we wouldn’t be here.”  

Pandora elbows him in the ribs. “Don’t be rude.” She chides.  

Lily hums. “Did James get you to not only write another poem, but deliver it to me as well?”  

Regulus flushes bright red. “He told you?” He squeaks out.  

“No, I just figured it out.”  

“Right, yeah, err, sorry?”  

She huffs a laugh, “why are you apologizing?”  

Regulus shrugs and shakes his head. “Back to the topic on hand. Evans you are a muggle-born, yes?”  

Lily stiffens. “Yes.” she confirms cautiously, her answer through gritted teeth.  

“Tongue piercings. Its a popular muggle thing. How do you do them, do you know?” Pandora pipes up.  

“Well, you would need ice, a lighter, a needle and a stud. You numb the tongue with the ice. Use the lighter to heat the needle and then push it through the tongue. Then replace the needle with the stud and you’re all set. Why?”  

Pandora shakes her head. “Barty wants a tongue piercing.” She turns to Regulus who looked a little paler than usual. “You get all that, Reg?”  

He groans in lieu of an answer. “I cant believe I agreed to piercing his tongue.”  

“You don’t have to.” Pandora offers.  

He stares at her. “And be known as a pussy? Absolutely the fuck not.”  

She shrugs then turns back to Lily. “Can you get us the stuff you mentioned?”  

Lily sighs, “I suppose. Follow me.”  

Pandora skips after her and Regulus drags his feet holding Pandora’s arm. They reach Gryffindor tower, and Lily orders them to wait there. She comes back a few minutes later.  

“Needle and lighter. Don’t bother giving them back, I would rather not touch that needle after and I’m not too bothered about the lighter. It’s Marlene’s, not mine.”  

Pandora snickers. “I suppose Dorcas will want the lighter then after?”  

Regulus smirks. “She might just.”  

“Oh?” Lily asks, intrigued.  

“Shit forgot you were here.”  

“Regulus! Manners!”  

“Sorry.” Regulus rolls his eyes.  

Lily clears her throat. “Does Dorcas like Marlene as more than a friend.”  

“Honestly? No fucking clue. She says she doesn’t. She knows McKinnon likes her. She wants someone romantically but says she doesn’t want to hurt her and take advantage of her feelings. But then she goes ahead and worships the ground she walks on.”  

Pandora nods. “Dorcas needs to make up her mind. It’s practically making me dizzy with her going around and around in circles over the matter.”  

Lily gets a look of mischeif in her eye. “I mean,” she begins, “we could always help the matter. Speed things along if needs be.”  

Regulus sighs, “give it until after Christmas, by then surely she’ll have figured it out. If not, that’s when we step in.”  

Lily nods, “deal.”  

Pandora grins at her. “Well, thanks fro the stuff Lily, see you around I guess?”  

“No bother.”  

Pandora and Regulus walk ambled back to the dorms. Regulus pales every time he looks at the needle, so Pandora places it in her pocket.  

They reach the room and are greeted by the sight of Dorcas’ hands covered in green, Barty with aluminum foil around his head and Evan writing in a journal.  

Barty sits up eagerly. “Did you get the stuff?”  

Regulus nods, biting his lip. “I’ll go... wash my hands.” He dashes into the bathroom.  

Pandora transfigures some water into ice and instructs Barty to place it on his tongue. He does so and Regulus comes out a while later. He takes the needle and holds the lighter under the point to heat it. Dorcas fetches an earring and disinfects it with magic.  

After two minutes or so, Barty takes out the ice and Regulus steps closer to him. Barty sticks out his tongue but won't stop twitching it, so Regulus grabs it with two fingers. Ew. Poor Regulus.  

Within the next thirty seconds, Reg had it done. The needle in the tongue is taken out and quickly replaced by said earring. The needle is then vanished by Evan.  

Regulus took a deep breath. “Never again.”  

“Thanks Reggie, you are now my favorite friend aside from the girls.”  

“Oi!” Evan yelled.  

“Sorry Rosie but you’re going to have to do something for me if you want to be promoted as well.” Barty shrugged and Evan glared at him.  

“How long to the feast?” Dorcas asked.  

“Like an hour or two, I think.” Pandora answered.  

“I feel a little sick, I might stay here.” Regulus admits quietly.  

“Honestly same, I don’t want to deal with the noise.” She glances at Regulus, an understanding in his eyes.  

“Alright then, no feast. We’ll get food from the kitchens.” Barty announces. The other two nod in agreement.  

Regulus looks up, startled. “No, you go to the feast, we will be fine.”  

Barty grins devilishly. “Nope, we’re not leaving you alone.”  

“What if we want to be alone.?”  

“What are you two shagging?” He raises an eyebrow.  

Neither Regulus nor Pandora can help the gags that escape them.  

“Oh, thank fuck.” Evan cries.  

Dorcas was very quiet, Pandora noticed. She was looking down at her hands, playing with her rings. Pandora nudged her ankle, and she looked up. She smiled sadly and shook her head, a clear answer to Pandora’s quiet question. Pandora nodded. ‘ McKinnon .’ She mouthed. Dorcas shrugged, sullenly.  

Dorcas had a very big dilemma. She had run into McKinnon earlier in the library. The other girl asked for her company on the next Hogsmeade trip. Dorcas had panicked and said she had plans already. At the sight of the other girl’s face falling, she assured that she would try to get out of them. Then Marlene’s eyes lit up and she smiled widely and something weird turned in Dorcas’ stomach.  

Maybe she could ask Pandora, who she had recently learned was a seer, (where the fuck that had come from, Dorcas didn’t know), if her and Marlene were meant to be or if Dorcas would end up hurting her like she was so terrified of doing.  

A dilemma it was truly. A dilemma of beautiful, wild blonde hair. A dilemma of harsh hazel eyes. A dilemma of striking piercings on her face. A dilemma that made Dorcas feel .  

Ugh, life was awful. Why did she have to live it?  

Regulus was looking at the patchwork blanket Pandora had crocheted for him, deep in thought. Something had flipped inside of him when he was doing Barty’s piercing. Just the way the other boy had crossed his eyes trying to see what was going on made Regulus... endeared. It was an unfamiliar territory. The fact he almost wanted to kiss the other boy.  

But her wasn’t queer, right? Regulus couldn’t be queer. He just couldn’t be. It was wrong. He was a son in the House of Black. It was disgusting and gross and not right. But it felt right. Liking boys. As one.  

He thought no different of Lupin or Dorcas for being queer. But Lupin wasn’t him. He could be queer all he wanted. Regulus couldn’t . But would he really be queer if he kissed a boy. Seeing as he used to be a girl. Would that make it ok? Probably not. His mother would throw a fit. If he was still a girl then, yeah, it would be allowed. But now he was a boy, and it wasn’t proper heir behavior.  

He thought of the vow. Would he die if he kissed a boy? Would the vow kill him. If it didn’t then his mother most certainly would.  

He wanted to scream and cry and throw up. But he also wanted to be held and kissed and cradled. By a certain someone. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Barty had stopped being so physical with him, yet not with the others. Did he do something to upset him?  

They no longer stayed up shit talking people while Evan slept. They no longer slept in the same bed or held each other after a bad day. Regulus missed the touch. He didn’t realize why at first but now it made sense.    

Feelings. Ugh. Hopefully they will be gone soon.  

Evan and Barty went down to the kitchens for food soon after and the two girls and Regulus were left alone.  

Regulus flopped down beside Dorcas on her bed and groaned, scrubbing his face with his hands.  

“Pretty much sums me up too.” She mused.  

“Ok, therapy time for you too. Dorcas first, Regulus needs time to prep for a talk about his feelings.” Pandora announced.  

“McKinnon.” Dorcas sighed.  

“Obviously, what did she do?”  

“She asked to go to Hogsmeade with me.”  

Regulus sat up. “Like a date?”  

“I don’t know, she didn’t say. Just asked me.”  

“What exactly did she say?” Pandora cut in.  

“She said, ‘Oh hey, Dorcas. My friends are gone on their own respective dates the next Hogsmeade trip, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me instead?’ and I panicked and said, ‘my friends probably have plans’ and then she looked really sad so I said I would try get out of them.”  

“The way she said hang out. That means it’s friendly. So far.” Pandora mused.  

“What do you mean so far?” Regulus quizzed.  

“She probably didn’t want to fear the rejection of a date, so instead asked Dorcas as a friend. That way it wouldn’t be too humiliating, and she still gets to go to Hogsmeade with Cassie, to get to know her.”  

Dorcas looked at how Regulus stiffened at her ‘nickname’ and was compelled to ask. “Regulus, before you became a boy, was your name Cassie?”  

Regulus sighed and didn’t answer.  

“It was Cassiopeia, right?” Pandora guessed.  

Regulus nodded, “Sirius used to call me ‘Cassie’ all the time.”  

“I knew there was no twin ‘Regulus’!” Pandora exclaimed.  

Regulus raised an eyebrow.  

“I was given memories of you as a child, as a boy, but they weren’t real, right?”  

Regulus nodded. “Mother spiked everyone’s drink to give them fake memories.”  

“Yeah, they were weird, too unfamiliar. I knew something was up.” Pandora nods.  

“Does everyone suspect then?” Regulus asked fearfully.  

“Evan didn’t. I think it was only because I am a seer that it didn’t work properly on me. My mind is too open.”  

Dorcas nods. “Makes sense. And I’ll get Barty and Ev to stop calling me that., so you won’t be uncomfortable or accidently answer again.”  

“Now that was stupid.” Pandora states.  

“I had a concussion,” Regulus protests.  

“Do you remember, after you fell, you were lying on the grass and Sirius came over. And he was hysterical and pleading to give you back. To have his ‘Reggie’ back, and you gained consciousness then and just said ‘It’s Regulus, you prick,’ before you passed out again?”  

Regulus snickered, “Really?”  

Dorcas nods and laughs at the memory.  

“So back to the topic on point,” Pandora announces. “I think you should go with Marlene to Hogsmeade. As a friend. To get to know her. If it gets too ‘date-like’ then maybe send us a signal, and we will rescue you.”  

“What signal?”  

“I don’t know.”  

“Well, that’s helpful.”  

“We could enchant two rings or necklaces, or something. Dorcas could twist it in a way that would send a subtle alert to the other one.” Regulus suggests.  

“That could work.” Pandora muses.  

“A charm on my charm bracelet?” Dorcas holds out her arm for the other two to see. “If we enchant this charm say,” she points to a charm of a flower, “it could send an alert to Reg’s bracelet, and then he could track it to find me.”  

Regulus nods. “I could do that, it’s simple enough. I’ll look in the library tomorrow for the connection spell. I already know a tracking one, just need to hook it up to my bracelet.”  

Pandora nods, “your turn Reg, what’s got you all bogged up?”  

He averts his eyes before clearing his throat and looking at Dorcas. “How did you know you were queer?”  

Oh, sweet mother loving fuck, this was juicy.  

“I saw a pretty girl when I was seven, shortly after I moved to England, and thought to myself, ‘If she was a guy, I would marry her.’ And then after, I realized I preferred looking at girls rather than guys. And a guy tried to kiss me when we were nine and I got super grossed out, but when I held another girl’s hand it felt as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Then I kissed a girl when I was ten and never tried to force myself to like guys again and allowed myself to like girls freely.”  

“What’s it like? How do you know when you want to kiss a girl?”  

“I just do. There’s no way to explain it really. I just have the urge to want to be with her, to touch her in any way, to be around her, to kiss her.”  

Regulus squeezes his eyes shut. “No.”  

Pandora looks confused. “No?” she echoes.  

“No, I-I can’t be. She’ll kill me. I’m not. I’m not a queer.”  

“It’s okay if you are, Regulus, you don’t have to tell anyone. You can hide it.”  

Dorcas nods, but Regulus shakes his head.  

“Not from her. She uses legilimency if she gets suspicious.”  

“Then learn occlumency. I can teach you.” Pandora offers.  

“I’ve tried, but she is too powerful against it. She degrades me while doing so. Stripping me bare with her words. Then when my walls are weak, she knocks them over and can get in.”  

“Then don’t give her a reason to be suspicious.” Dorcas says. “Stay like Regulus Arcturus, rather than Reg. Stay quiet and in the shadows. Don’t draw attention to yourself. And don’t give anything away. Work on your posture, you have certain tics that to the people close to you know when you’re lying. Pay extra mind to restrain them.”  

Regulus chews on his lip.  

“Who made you realize you might be queer?” Pandora asks, curious.  

“You can’t tell anyone. Anyone. Especially not him.” He insists.  

“We won’t promise.” Dorcas assures him.  

Regulus whispers something intelligible.  

“What?” Pandora asks.  

He squeezes his eyes shut and covers his face with his hands.  

“Barty.” He admits quietly.  

Oh. Fucking. Hell.  

“Awwww,” Pandora coos.  

Dorcas, however, was stunned. “Sorry, what?”  

“I think I like Barty as more than a friend.”  

“Putain de merde.” Dorcas breathes out, eyes wide. A grin spreads over her face.  

The other two look at her.  

“Did you just-”  

“You can speak-”  

She looks at them quizzically. “What?”  

“Vous parlez français ?” Regulus asks incredulously.  

“Oui ? It’s my first language.” She answers.  

“Ours too!” Pandora exclaims.  

“Really?”  

Regulus nods. “Barty’s the only one who can’t speak the language.”  

“Ha, the poor fucker. Now we can make him paranoid and talk about your crush on him infront of him.”  

“Evan might tell him though.” Pandora sighs.  

“We silencio Evan for all eternity.” Dorcas grins. “I can’t believe you like Barty though. This is excellent.”  

“How exactly is it excellent? He’s one of my best friends.”  

Dorcas smirks and taps her nose. “Just is.”  

Pandora looks at her, frowning. After a minute it clicks. Her eyebrows shoot up and her mouth drops open.  

Dorcas nods subtly. Pandora grins too. Oh this was good.  

“What?” Regulus asks suspiciously.  

“Nothing,” the girls sing in unison.  

He flops back onto the bed and Pandora cards a hand through his hair.  

“What do you think of Barty’s new hair?” She asks after a while.  

“It’s so fucking hot. Now when I look at him, my stomach does flips and my hands get sweaty. I feel at loss for words, and there’s a lump in my throat too.”  

“Huh,” Dorcas muses. The two of them look at her. “That’s pretty much how I feel around McKinnon.”  

Pandora and Regulus look at her disbelievingly then back to each other.  

“Wait for it,” Regulus grins.  

As if on cue, Dorcas shoots up. “Oh my Salazar!” She exclaims.  

Barty bursts through the door, “What? Who’s dying?!”  

Regulus looks as if he was, coverin his red face with his hands again.  

“Why didn’t you tell me I might have a thing for McKinnon?” Dorcas accuses Barty.  

“You what now?” Evan frowns.  

She grunts in frustration and throws herself on her bed again.  

Evan looks at her, then to Regulus who is still internally dying before finally to Pandora. “Panda, what did you do?”  

“Therapy,” she grins sadistically.  

Barty laughs. “You poor poor fuckers.” He laughs at Dorcas and Reg, who both just groan in response.  

“Give me my food.” Regulus orders. Evan obliges and hands him a lettuce and chicken sandwich.  

“This is usually-”  

“Your comfort foor? Yes, but I figured you would be overstimulated from the chaos of your brother earlier as well as piercing B’s tongue. Am I wrong?”  

Regulus huffs. “No.” He takes a bite and moans obsenely.  

“And here I was thinking only I could get you to sound like that.” Barty sighs.  

Regulus chokes on his food, and Pandora pats his back. Dorcas glares at Barty, struggling to keep a staight face. “We are eating. Keep it in your pants Crouch.”  

“Damn Cassie, your getting a bit feisty there.”  

Dorcas sighs. “Can you please not call me that anymore, it makes me feel like a child.”  

“Fussy, but ok.”  

“Thanks.”  

“No problemo, Dorky.”  

Dorcas is about to complain but then realises at least it doesn’t affect Reg and wasn’t too intolerable.  

Pandora rummages through the pile of food. She finds another sandwich. This time egg and cheese. Her favourite. “Thanks Ev” she says with her mouth full.  

“I was there too,” Barty protests.  

“Do you want me to take back that weed?”  

“No!”  

“Exactly so shut up and sit down like a good boy.” She pats him on the head condesendingly, sending the group into laughter.  

They chat and bater the next few hours. Eating sweets and playing games. Barty cracks out a bottle of Firewhisky and they all have some. Surprisingly Barty is the only lightweight, the others having being drinking fancy wines since the age of eight.  

During a round of ‘Never have I ever’ Pandora felt her eyes begin to prickle. Her head was swimming and the room was blurry. Other noises that weren’t her friends filtering in.  

She closed her eyes and then the images started.  

A man and a rat. A house. A man, wandless. The killing curse. Pictures. Stairs. A nursery. A woman. Screaming. A child. The killing curse. A flash of green, reflecting in eyes of the same colour. Red hair, splayed out on the ground arounf the victim’s head. Then the wand was pointed at the child. Another flash of green. And then...nothing.  

Pandora’s mind went blank, concerned voices of her friends filtering in. She gasped and blinked open her eyes to see their worried faces.  

Dorcas raises her hand and wipes Pandora’s cheeks free of the tears that had fallen.  

“Okay, bedtime now.” Regulus was saying. “Panda, you staying?”  

She nods and stands up to get her stuff from where she kept it in the bathroom. She left a few pairs of clothes and some toiletries there because she stayed over so often. And female toiletries being there benefitted Regulus, as they could say they were hers.  

After she is ready for bed she lies down in Dorcas’. The other girl doesn’t complain and just nods, before joining her. Pandora curls up against her side and listens to the other girl’s gradually slowing breathing.  

She hears Barty begin to snore and Regulus’ breathing begin to even out. She is just starting to drift off to sleep when a scuffling noise alerts her.  

She sees Evan grab something form under his mattress before heading to the bathroom. After half an hour he still hasn’t returned so she unfolds herself from the duvet and creeps towards the door, that was left ajar.  

She pushes it open gently and sees Evan on the toilet seat. He looks up at her panicked, his face streaked with tears. She walks over to him and wraps her arms around him, holding him close. His right arm is covered with a cloth for some reason, but his left holds her back.  

“What’s wrong Ev?” She pulls back and studies his face.  

He lifts his left hand to wipe at his tears and that’s when Pandora notices his fingers are stained red. With blood.  

Pandora takes his hand and examines his fingers for a source of the bleeding. He stiffens.  

“How are you bleeding?” She asks, confused. “I don’t see a wound on your fingers.”  

“I’m fine, Panda, go back to bed.”  

“But-You’re bleeding.”  

“Paper cut.”  

“Why are you lying to me? You can tell me the truth.”  

“Pandora it’s none of your business, leave me alone.” He snaps.  

She meets his gaze, eyes wide. “But-”  

“Fuck. Off.”  

Her eyes harden. “Fine,” she hisses, “be like that, I’m only trying to help.”  

She turns and walks out, her shoulders shaking as she does. Her breathing stuttering slightly.  

Fuck. Evan felt terrible. He had just made his sister cry, when she was only worried about him. He deserved punishment for that. So he picks up his blade and begins to draw again. Deeper and harder, with each cut. Cutting over old scars, creating new ones. Tears flooded his vision and blood flooded his arm. He felt dizzy. He dropped the blade involantarily, and scrambled for his wand before he bled out.  

He only just managed to close the artery before he passed out.  

Regulus found him them next morning. He cleaned his arm. Put his shirt back on before carrying him back to bed. Where he woke a few hours later.  

Pandora didn’t speak to him. Didn’t look at him. And that evening when he was looking for the case, he couldn't find it. He looked in the bathroom. No sign. That evening he resorted to using his wand to cut. He preferred the blade. It had a different kind of sting. But beggers can’t be choosers.  

A few days later, Pandora started speaking to him again. He apologized for snapping at her, said he had nicked his leg and the corner of the press and that was how he was bleeding and she accepted it and didn’t bring it up again.  

Regulus got into an argument with Sirius that day. He had tried to wish his brother a happy birthday, but his brother got a bit petty, so Regulus, being Regulus, retaliated full force, leading to a full on screaming match in the courtyard.  

Dorcas went to Hogsmeade with McKinnon that weekend and came back, gushing over the other girl. Barty continued flirting with everything in the castle and Regulus holed himself up in the library, studying for exams next month. All in all, November flew by and then it was the beginning of the Christmas season. Barty was staying at Hogwarts for the holidays, the only one doing so.  

Dorcas had cousins visiting over the Yuletide and Pandora, Regulus and Evan had pureblood duties. Life was uneventful, but December was going to take things for a wild ride.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 29 th November 1975  

November flew by. Dorcas’ ‘date-not-date' with Marlene seemed like just a few days before when it had really been a few weeks since. It had been awkward at first. They only just about knew each other, but as time went on, they fell into easy chatter. Dorcas knew more about Marlene and Marlene knew more about Dorcas. Dorcas would say that they were at the stage of ‘friends’ now.  

They had met outside the bookshop in the village. They went in for a while because Dorcas needed to get something for Regulus for Christmas. Marlene had been confused so she had told her that she got very anxious in the weeks closer, and that getting it early would make her concentration and sleep better. Marlene had laughed and said that she hadn’t taken Dorcas for someone who got anxious. Some part of that statement, Dorcas felt proud of. The fact she was perceived as confident, although quiet was nice, especially coming from Marlene.  

She had chalked her so-called ‘realization’ on Halloween, just to being confused about how she felt for Marlene. She didn’t fancy her, not really, so she figured that some subconscious part of her brain had tried to force her to like the other girl to avoid a confrontation and the fact she wanted to be with someone romantically, and that the other girl was interested.  

There was also the fact that Marlene was a Gryffindor and Dorcas, a Slytherin. The two houses were known for being ‘enemies.’ They weren’t supposed to be friends, let alone romantically involved with each other. And the fact Marlene was quite close with Sirius. Regulus’ so-called arch nemesis in his words. This point was only further illustrated the day after, Sirius’ birthday, when the Black brothers got into an argument. It was a petty one, but the Blacks were all for the dramatics, meaning it was a mild verbal fight with lots of shouting. Henceforth Sirius and his friends were off limits, for friends or more.  

Evan and Pandora had gotten into their own argument as well. Pandora wouldn’t so much as look at Evan for a few weeks. Evan on the other hand constantly sent her annoyed yet pleading glances. They made up, didn’t tell anyone what the argument was about and went back to being the Rosier twins, as opposed to Evan and Pandora.  

Dorcas was relieved at that. She didn’t like that there had been so much tension the weeks after Halloween. It made her antsy, restless. She couldn’t concentrate or sleep. Everything felt too loud. She didn’t eat at all unless necessary. Even then she had felt unsettled with the food and made herself throw up. She had lost a notable amount of weight, and Regulus kept watching her at meals. As she pushed her food around and vanished it when nobody was looking.  

Regulus caught her once though. He stared at her for the rest of the meal, so she averted her gaze. Unfortunately, she caught sight of the obvious distance between Pandora and Evan. It made her feel sick, and she must have shown it on her face. Regulus stood up abruptly and pulled Evan out of his seat. He took Pandora’s hand and helped her up too. She resisted at first but at his glance to Dorcas before back to her, Pandora got the memo and obliged. He dragged them both out of the Great Hall, well, guided Pandora, he spared no mercy for Evan.  

That evening the two of them had miraculously made up and Regulus had gotten some potions from a mini cabinet in his trunk filled with healing potions of all kinds. Dorcas had wondered why he had them, but she didn’t ask, sensing it was a delicate topic and wouldn’t go down well just yet.  

He gave her the potions. Strength replenishing. Clear head. Nutrient filling. Healthy growth. Pepper-up. She thanked him and drank them all in the recommended doses. The ease in their group and the potions meant she was back to nearly full health and gradually started eating more.  

One other problem. Exams. They weren’t the usual Christmas tests that the other years got. They were mocks for her OWLs. Which meant that the pressure was piling on for Dorcas. It didn’t matter that her mum didn’t give a shit about her scores, for they weren’t counted important in Africa. But Dorcas wanted to prove to everyone else that she was just as capable and smart and deserved a place in this school. This country .  

She and Regulus were currently going over werewolves for Dorcas’ defense against the dark arts class. Regulus had done it briefly the year before, but the topic also became significant enough in the fifth-year curriculum. Mainly because they learned about vampires that year and that werewolves and vampires were mortal enemies. Dorcas had been keen to study all the weaknesses of a werewolf compared to other magical creatures.  

“What plants are deathly poisonous to werewolves?” Regulus quizzed.  

“Oh! I know this, there are four of them, right?” Dorcas exclaims, eyes bright.  

Regulus nodded.  

“There is Belladonna and Wolfsbane. Mistletoe, and Rowan.”  

“Correct. What are the metals that can kill a werewolf?”  

“Mercury?”  

“And?”  

Dorcas sighs, drumming her fingers on the table, thinking. Eventually she gives up. “I don’t know, tell me?”  

“Silver. They have a physical reaction, close enough to a burn from the metal. The skin would go raw, red and start to blister.” Regulus informed her.  

He almost laughed at the coincidence of a similar instance a few weeks before at the Gryffindor house party. The night Dorcas was attacked, how when Lupin had gone to help Regulus up by the hand he pulled back, his hand burned and blistered. How Regulus had been wearing silver rings, as always. To someone it might have looked as if Lupin was a werewolf.  

Regulus froze. No, it was just a coincidence, right? It had to be. Remus wasn’t a werewolf. Nope. But then he had always gotten quite sick once a month at least from what Sirius had told him. And Remus was also in the hospital the day after a full moon. And the scars. The reaction to silver. It was almost too much of a coincidence. Dorcas was talking again so Regulus tried to tune out his brain and focus on her. It wasn’t worth stressing over, especially since he had his parents pressuring him for good grades.  

After a few long, grueling hours of study, the words started to fly off the page. When Regulus realized he had been reading the same paragraph over again for the third time, and that none of it had clicked in his brain, he took it as his cue to take a break. He packed his things and left the library. Dorcas had already gone a couple of hours before, so he spent the last while alone. While he usually liked his solitude, he would feel better to hear someone else’s so that he wouldn’t go insane.  

When he got back to the dorm, it was only occupied by Evan. He was writing in that journal again, a habit he had picked up over the past few months. He was humming some strange music under his breath while he wrote. The sound of the quill scratching made Regulus feel restless as it was the only sound, he had heard nearly all day.  

"Where’s Barty and the girls?” he asked, setting down his stuff.  

Evan looked up, startled. “Merlin Reg, don’t scare me like that.”  

Regulus rolled his eyes.  

“To answer your question, I haven’t the foggiest idea. I just hope Dorcas is with the other two, you know how they get when they are alone together.”  

Regulus groans. “Always a recipe for disaster.”  

Evan hummed in agreement. Regulus laid back onto his bed, staring at the stars above.  

“What song is that?” He asks after a while.  

“Honky Tonk Women by The Rolling Stones.”  

“Who?”  

“English muggle band.”  

“Oh, cool.” Regulus had never listened to muggle music, but he couldn’t deny that it had a nice rhythm. At least from what he could tell from Evan’s humming.  

They didn’t speak for another while, and Regulus only got increasingly uncomfortable. His fingers started to twitch, and he could feel a headache come on.  

“Evan.” He broke the tensioned silence.  

“Hm?”  

“Is everything ok?”  

Evan put down the quill and tuned over to look at Regulus. “I don’t know Regulus, is it?”  

Regulus was taken aback. Evan’s words were bitter and there was a certain coldness behind his eyes. He swallows. “What do you mean?”  

“Why are you lying to us Regulus? If that’s even your real name, and I know for a fact that it isn’t, so don’t bother try to deny it.” Evan bit out.  

“Evan-”  

“No, listen to me. We are your best friends Regulus; you can trust us with anything so why have you been lying to us for the past four years? Four years, Reg. That’s a long time since we have known you. But we really haven’t known you this entire time.”  

Regulus blinks. What was going on? But then it clicked. Oh. Oh no.  

“Evan-” He started again.  

“No, don’t ‘Evan’ me, explain. Now.”  

“I am trying but you keep interrupting, you prick.” Regulus shot back.  

Evan didn’t say anything, just kept staring at him. After a beat of silence, he gestured wildly with his hands. “Well?! You said you are trying to explain. Get on with it!”  

Regulus eyes fluttered shut and his breath shuddered when he inhaled. He stumbled back, calves hitting his mattress and sat down. Evan sat down on his own bed, right across from the other boy’s.  

“Evan.” Regulus’ voice was weak. Broken.  

“Regulus.” Evan replied coldly, but it only seemed to hurt Regulus even more, a flinch creasing his features.  

Regulus took a few more measured breaths and opened his mouth to say something when the door opened and in walked Pandora. Dorcas trailing her.  

“Salut.” Pandora sang as she skipped across the dorm. Evan groaned in his head. He was so close to figuring it out.  

“Regulus?” Dorcas asked, frowning at the other boy.  

Regulus opened his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek. Evan’s heart sank. Four years and he had never seen Regulus and the first time he did, it was because he had caused it.  

Pandora whipped around, eyes blazing with concern.  

Regulus gestured loosely to Evan; eyes trained on Dorcas. “He knows.” He whispers.  

Dorcas frowned again. “Knows what?”  

“Knows about me.” Regulus’ voice wavers.  

Realization crosses Dorcas’ eyes. “Oh. Is he...taking it well?”  

Regulus shook his head. Evan was so confused, but his suspicions that both girls had known what was going on was confirmed.  

Pandora looked Evan up and down. He fought the urge to squirm under her cold gaze.  

“Regulus is our friend. He is who he is right now, and it shouldn’t matter who he was before. We like Regulus as our friend, we befriended him as Regulus. His past situation should be irrelevant.” She announces, crossly. She holds his eye contact daringly.  

“I am thoroughly confused right now. Can someone explain what this is to me?” Evan asked.  

Dorcas looks at Regulus who nodded resignedly.  

“Regulus is a boy but was born a girl. His mind is male, but his body is female. He was raised as a daughter and a sister, given a girl’s name, girl’s clothes and hair. He realized before he came here, to Hogwarts, that he is really a boy. So now he is, because being a girl wasn’t right.” She explains.  

“What?” Evan’s mind is reeling. He had suspected something along the lines of this but now that it was confirmed, it felt weird.  

“But of course, that doesn’t matter because he is and always will be our Regulus. He was never lying to you Evan. Never lying to any of us, he just wasn’t ready to share with us yet.” Pandora speaks softly, but her words cover a certain threatening aspect.  

Evan wondered how she knew he accused Regulus of lying. Either her seer abilities or she had heard through the door. Since this conversation only sprung up when Dorcas realized Regulus was crying, he decided it would probably be the former.  

“Right. So that’s why you get the same mood swings as Panda and Dorcas. And how you can get into the girls’ dorms. It makes sense now.” Evan nodded, still feeling a bit numb.  

Regulus wouldn’t make eye contact with him. He was staring at the crocheted quilt that Pandora had made for him and picking at a loose thread on it.  

Dorcas and Pandora exchanged glances. Evan didn’t like it. He felt horrible, treating Regulus like that. He will admit, he didn’t understand why Regulus had felt like that. He didn’t understand it at all, because Regulus was happy as a boy and Regulus was his friend. Evan liked it when Regulus was happy, so he decided to just go along with it.  

Evan got up, brushing off his pants.  

“I’m going for a shower.” He announced, rather monotonic. He made his way to the bathroom, feeling more robotic than human.  

He heard whispers when he closed the door but decided to tune them out. Instead, he undressed and stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain across for privacy. He turned on the water above, sat in the tub and clenched his fist around his wand, holding it tight.  

He decided to give his arm a break this time, instead drawing the cutting curse along his thighs. Blood mixed with water, making it pink and staining his body. He kept going, relishing the pain that it caused. He mistreated Regulus and ought to be punished, and here he was.  

Evan was in the bathroom for a long time. Pandora eventually got fed up with waiting and decided to go join Barty for a spliff by the greenhouses. She was worried for her brother, but figured he just needed time for it to sink in. Pandora was admittedly more open-minded than him, so this news probably came as quite a shock. He just needed time to process it.  

Barty looked up as Pandora approached, looking dejected.  

“You alright?” He asked her.  

She smiled and nodded half-heartedly. He offered her the spliff which she took graciously. She slumped against the wall of the greenhouse and slid down to the ground. Barty watched her, concerned.  

“I’m fine.” she offered.  

“Okay. I was going back up to the castle, but if you want me to stay-”  

“I’m. Fine.”  

“Okay.”  

“You can go.”  

“Are you-”  

“Barty!” Pandora snapped. He jolted, surprised, because Pandora never usually raised her voice. “Go. Please.”  

Barty nodded and bent down to kiss her forehead before making his way back up to the castle.  

He entered the dorm and saw Evan lying on his bed, facing the wall. Immediately he knew something was wrong.  

He went over to Evan’s bed and laid down behind him. He wrapped a hand around the other boy’s waist and pulled him close. Holding him through his quiet, body-racking sobs.  

He didn’t ask for an explanation, nor did Evan offer one. Evan was quite closed off with his feelings and reasonings behind them on a bad day. This was a bad day. Barty could recognize it. They seemed to be happening more frequently. Barty didn’t know what caused them, he also didn’t know how to help. So, he held Evan through every one of them, while cursing himself for not being a good enough friend to stop them from happening.  

Evan’s breathing evened out after a while, and he drifted off. Barty didn’t let go or leave, just buried his face into the blonde hair and inhaled the scent of him. Evan was one of the few people who calmed Barty down. He was his best friend, able to pull him out of a manic episode, with only a few touches and words. Barty would both kill and die for Evan. His rose.  

Regulus was up in the room of requirement, reading. He had come across this place by accident, pacing the seventh-floor corridor and thinking the same thought over. ‘I need to hide. I need to hide.’  

He had entered the room, surprised when it just appeared seemingly out of nowhere. The interior walls were lined with books and paintings. There was a piano in the corner of the room and it was by far the most beautiful thing Regulus had ever seen. He loved how naturally the piano came to him. How the music just drifted from the black and white keys. How liquid smooth it was. Flowing, like water. It was one of the only things he was better than Sirius was, as a child.  

There was a plush sofa in front of a fireplace and a bowl of fruit on the coffee table. There were also snacks, both sweet and savory, stocking the cabinets. The bed was large and comfortable. The mattress wasn’t too hard, nor was it too soft. It was just how Regulus liked it. The bedding was a dark shade of forest green with black decorative spirals.  

Regulus at once fell in love with the room. It was perfect. He decided to ask the house elves about it the following day.  

Eventually dusk fell and he knew the stars would start peeking through soon. He walked briskly back to the common rooms, before sneaking into his dorm. He saw Barty and Evan both curled up around each other, asleep, on Evan’s bed. Regulus can’t help the pang of jealousy that shoots him then and has to resist the urge to decapitate Evan in his sleep for getting to be so close with Barty.  

He grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey from under Barty’s bed and crept out again, this time heading for the Astronomy Tower. He climbed the wooden spiral staircase with stiff knees from the lack of movement all day. He reached the top and immediately made his way over to the ledge. It was his favorite place, there was a railing ensuring he wouldn’t fall. It was the perfect height that he could fold his arms on it and lie his head down.  

That was what he was doing now. The bottle beside him remained untouched for a while. He inhaled a few deep breaths enjoying the sting of his face and throat from the cold crisp air. He registered that he was cold, only being in an oversized t-shirt, but didn’t care very much. He dangled his feet into the darkness below, kicking them off the exterior of the wall every now and again. He opened the bottle and took a few swigs.  

Above, the stars blinked down at him. Another reason he loved this spot was because you could see for miles and miles, meaning the night sky was an endless abyss decorated with silver sparkles. He mumbled to himself in French, stories and myths behind each constellation and their namesakes.  

The door behind him creaked open but he didn’t register that someone was in the room with him until a deep voice cut off his babbling.  

“Regulus? What are you doing here? It’s freezing. And- Madre de los díos, you’re only in a t-shirt! Here take my jumper. You’re frozen to the bone.”  

“James.” Regulus sighed. Then giggled. James was here.  

“Fuck you’re drunk. Okay, put on the jumper and let me take that.” James gently pried the bottle out of Regulus’ hands.  

“It’s not mine.” Regulus protested.  

“Whose is it?”  

“Barty’s.” Regulus giggled again. “Barty’s, hic, very pretty, isn’t he?”  

“Oh, erm, sure?” James agreed, still trying to force the jumper over Regulus’ head.  

“He’s the only one who doesn’t know my secret. Evan found out today, I don’t know how he took it after I ran away, but when I was, hic, getting the bottle he was asleep in Barty’s arms. I wanted to cut off his head because I, hic, want to sleep in Barty’s arms.” Regulus was blabbering now.  

The sober part of his brain was all ‘ shut up, shut the fuck up right this instant you fool,’ but all he good focus on was the drunk part of his brain which was like, ‘ James. Jamie, Jamsey. Pretty James. Happy James. Warm James. Teehee.’  

“ Oh?”  

“Yeah. I miss Barty.” Regulus sighed.  

“You share a dorm with him and see him every day?” James sounded confused.  

“Not that he’s gone. I think I might die if he was. But he has stopped touching me and talking to me late at night. He’s stopped trying to seek me out alone to annoy me or coming to me with his problems. I miss it. I miss us.” Regulus admitted.  

“Regulus...do-do you have a crush on Barty?” James asked.  

“Maybe. I think it’s more than a crush, though. It goes deeper since we were best friends before.” Regulus sighs and reaches out to take another drink, but James snatches it away. Only then did he notice he was wearing a green and brown jumper and was warming up considerably.  

“What’s it like?”  

“What’s what like?” Regulus frowns.  

“You know-”  

“No, I don’t actually.”  

James huffs a laugh. “Let me finish, yeah?”  

“If you insist.”  

“What’s it like to like a boy as one?” James eventually manages to get out.  

“Oh, I’m not really a boy.” Regulus blurts out.  

James looks confused. “What?”  

“ Regulus!” Someone hisses. Regulus turns and would have fallen off the ledge if it weren’t for James’ hand holding his arm firmly.  

Dorcas marches through the room, eyes blazing. “Where the fuck have you been? You run off sobbing and then disappear all day, where were you?”  

Regulus looks at her dumbly. “I don’t know.”  

Dorcas blinks. “You. Don’t know?”  

Regulus shakes his head grinning. “Nope. I only know that, hic, I’m in love with Barty and I ended up here. The James found me, and we talked.” He pats James’ chest absent-mindedly, eyes focused on Dorcas.  

“Well, come back to the dorm so- WAIT, YOU WHAT?” Dorcas shrieks.  

Regulus blinks again. “Talked...with James?”  

“No, not that bit, the bit about Barty.”  

“I think I love him?”  

“Oh, Salazar’s saggy tits, Regulus .”  

“Dorcas. Cas. Cassie. Meeeeeeee.” Regulus giggles again.  

Dorcas glances at James. “You told him?”  

“Told him what?”  

“About you.”  

“He knows me silly, I’m, hic, his best friend’s younger brother.”  

Dorcas rolls her eyes. “No, does he know about the thing Evan found about today?”  

“Oh, the secret?”  

“Yes.”  

Regulus shakes his head. “No, he doesn’t know that I used to be a girl.”  

Dorcas slaps her forehead and groans. “Regulus.”  

“Yes?”  

She turns to James. “Ignore that, he’s drunk off his arse and is now saying stupid shit, I’ll attempt to get him to bed soon.”  

“Err, right?” James agrees, confused.  

Dorcas nods and turns around. “Alright, Reg, I’m getting you to bed, piggyback time.”  

“YAY!” Regulus claps his hands. “I love riding you.”  

James snorts with humor and Dorcas resists the urge to slap her best friend. Or to die of laughter from him. Regulus really was something else when he was drunk.  

Said boy, is currently trying to clamber up onto Dorcas’ back, while drunk. Not really a good combination but with James’ steadying hands, he manages it.  

The walk back to the dorms is slow. Dorcas keeps trying to stop Regulus from belting out the French national anthem, but the younger boy only stays silent for a few minutes before starting again from the top. Eventually she resorts to a silencio charm so as not to get caught out after hours.  

She eventually stumbles into the common room and makes her way up the stairs to the dorms. Pandora is slumped on her bed when she enters so she dumps Regulus on his, he has already tired himself out at this point and is snoring soundlessly, before climbing in under her own covers.  

Pandora stirs and rubs her eyes. “Dorcas?” she mumbles, sleep dazed.  

“Sorry darling, didn’t mean to wake you.” Dorcas whispers back.  

“’S’ok” Pandora replies and curls into Dorcas’ side, laying her head on the other girl’s chest.  

“You alright?”  

“I’m worried about Ev.” Pandora admits. “He hasn’t been himself recently and over the summer he was always getting into arguments with our dad. He walks now like it pains him to do so, and he goes to the bathroom for nearly an hour each time.”  

“Do you think he’s hurt?”  

Pandora sighs. “I don’t think so, he hasn’t said anything, but I know he’s hurting. There’s a difference.”  

Dorcas hums. “There is, isn’t there?”  

“Is Reg ok?”  

“Drunk. He was babbling with Potter up in the Astronomy Tower when I found him. He gave himself away before I dragged him back.”  

“Gave himself away?”  

“The secret.”  

“Ah. What did Potter say to that?”  

Dorcas sighs. “I told him Regulus didn’t know what he was talking about since he’s drunk and to just ignore comments like that.”  

“Good thinking. Also, Regulus? Drunk? He must have drank an awful lot in that case.”  

“Nearly half the bottle. But drunk Regulus is hilarious, it’s like he’s high or on happy gas.”  

“Happy gas?”  

“It’s a muggle thing. Anesthesia. It makes your body go completely numb. They call it happy gas because the person basically gets high on it. Completely airheaded and, well, happy. It’s used in medicine and surgeries.”  

“Oh. How do you know about it?”  

“Barty.”  

“Oh right.” A wave of guilt washes over Pandora. “I snapped at him earlier. He kept asking me if I was alright, and I got annoyed. I feel terrible now.”  

“Panda, you’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to have feelings like that and lose your temper. I know you didn’t intend for that, and Barty does too. It happens to the best of us.”  

“Right, but still. I was worried about Evan and-”  

“Pandora.”  

“Hm?”  

“It’s. Okay. Barty is tough, he can bounce back from a light snapping like that. You were stressed, needed an outlet and Barty was being a nuisance. There’s nothing more to it and he will forgive you in a heartbeat. Now, go to sleep.”  

“Okay.”  

“Good. Night Pandora.”  

“Night.”  

After a few beats of silence, Pandora speaks up again. “Dorcas?”  

“Yes?”  

“Thank you.” she squeezes the older girl tighter and falls into a thankfully dreamless sleep.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 18 th December 1975  

The second day of exams finds Barty running on nothing but spite and a cup of coffee. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he is pushing himself so hard. It's not like his father will care about his grade. He hasn’t cared about Barty himself for four years now. But some hope filled part of his brain begs that Bartemius Crouch Senior will eventually see something worth giving praise. 

The only thing other than the tests and his father occupying his mind, is Evan. Well, he and Regulus’ stilted relationship for the past few weeks but mainly the noticeable toll it is taking on Evan. The blonde has spent many hours of the night locked in the bathroom always coming out with puffy eyes and restricted movements. Barty joins him in his bed after but doesn’t say anything and neither of them mention it the day after.  

Barty exits his Arithmancy exam with a sigh of relief. Arithmancy came easy enough to him but something about a stuffy room and people organized in rows with complete silence except for the occasional cough or scratching of quills for two hours always grated on Barty’s sanity.  

He makes his way to his dorm and sees that the bathroom door is cracked open. Thinking of it, Barty really needs to piss. He steps in and turns around to close the door. What he doesn’t expect to see when he turns around is Evan sitting on the toilet seat, wand in his right hand, his left arm covered in blood. 

“Evan.” Barty feels the blood drain his face at the sight of his best friend like this. He knows exactly what is going on now, and everything slots into place as he recalls the past few months. His rose is turning his thorns on himself, hurting himself.  

Evan squeezes his eyes shut and tucks his arms behind his back. “Barty. Fuck off.” 

Barty blinks. He hardens his gaze and squares up. “No.” 

Evan’s eyes fly open. He looks murderous. “No?” 

“That’s what I said isn’t it?” Barty doesn’t back down.  

“Barty.” 

“Evan.” 

Evan sighs in frustration. “Fuck right off, okay? Leave me alone!” 

Barty forces his voice to stay calm. He refuses to rise to the bait of a shouting match. It's not what Evan needs right now. “Please, Ev, let me help. I can.”  

“No, you can’t.” 

“How do you know?” 

Evan clenches his jaw. His nostrils flare and eyes narrow, a rageful gleam in them.  

Barty takes a breath. “I can help you Evan. Please let me.” 

Evan laughs bitterly. “You have no fucking idea-” 

“Yes, I do.” Barty meets Evan’s glare with a daring look. 

“No.” Evan stills but the anger remains. 

“Yes. You’ve seen my arms.” 

Evan blinks. “You said they from your father.” 

Barty snorts without humor. “As if he cares enough about me to line my arms with multiple cigarette burns. That was all me, I’d smoke to forget and then when my lungs would scream in agony, I’d put out the cigarette on my arms for that extra bit of pain.” 

Evan falls silent, the fight draining out of his body. He stands, taking a step towards Barty, before going pale and collapsing. 

Barty rushes to catch him immediately. He finds that tears fill his eyes as he lowers Evan to the ground gently. “Please Evan. Let me help.” He begs, voice barely a whisper now. 

Evan just closes his eyes. “Okay.” He chokes out and Barty gets to work at once. First, vanishing the blood so he can find the source of it. Then he lightly traces his wand over the gashes in the crook of Evan’s elbow wincing every time his body twitches in pain. He heals the cuts and then easily scoops Evan up, bridal style. Barty places his best friend in his bed, before going over to Regulus’. 

He rummages through Regulus’ trunk, not caring about the reprimand he would get later. He pulls out a blood replenishing potion, and tips it back Evan’s throat. Then he clambers in beside the other boy, who melts against him. Barty holds him, scared to let him go. The tears start falling before he knows it. Evan slips a hand under Barty’s shirt sleeves, tracing the circle-like scars that were burned into his skin. 

“I’m sorry.” Evan sobs. 

“Don’t apologize.” Barty counters immediately. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“In a minute.” Evan struggles to catch his breath, so Barty rubs the other boy’s back. Feeling the raised lines through Evan’s shirt. 

Eventually Evan calms down a bit. He shifts a bit in Barty’s arms before settling down again. “It started because of my father, really.” 

Barty remains silent. Evan continues.  

“I always manage to do something wrong for the past few years at home. He would drag me into his study and hit me with his belt. He rarely used magic, but the belt was enough to cause enough damage that it still affects me. He must have hit my spine one time and struck a nerve or something, but I can’t walk properly now. I’m sure you’ve noticed. He really taught me that punishment is only punishment if it hurts you physically. So, once I realized Hogwarts doesn’t physically beat us, I took it upon myself to give myself a proper punishment whenever I get less than perfect in a test or a detention. Lately I’ve fucked up with some people so that deserves a punishment. Or I just feel so tired and useless and that’s slacking on my part, so that needs punishment. You get the gist.” 

Barty doesn’t say anything for a while. “I’m sorry.” He manages. 

“Don’t apologize,” Evan echoes his words from earlier. 

“I used to do it because the feeling made me feel something. I was so used to being ignored at home, that I started ignoring myself too. I’d neglect my emotions and soon enough I couldn’t feel anything. I was completely numb. I’d smoke to feel something from the inside then to remind myself I was still physical; I’d cause pain to the outside of my body.” Barty admits.  

“I broke myself out of the habit. I still smoke sometimes but I had to refrain from putting out the cigs on myself. It took a while but eventually I didn't have to actively remind myself to do it. If I could help myself, I can probably help you too. If you’d let me, that is.” 

Evan pulls back and looks at him. “How? I’ve tried to resist it many times. It's not possible.” 

Barty meets his gaze with a sad smile. “It’s not impossible. I managed it so why can’t you? It will be hard yes, but even harder if you have to heal alone.” 

“You healed alone.” 

Barty smiles again. “Exactly. I have experience. I can use that to help you.” 

Evan slumps down again. “How exactly do you plan on doing that?” 

“Okay, so, if you feel you want to, you give me your wand. And you stay with me, however long the urge lasts. We can go somewhere alone, out for a walk. Then we come back here and stuff our faces with sweets. You can talk or cry, or we can have a laugh together. And then once you feel better, I give you your wand back. But you will still stay with me for another while. No sneaking off to the bathroom, if you need to go, obviously you can but for no longer than five minutes. If it’s the night when the urge happens, you wake me up. I don’t care. You wake me immediately; we can go for a smoke, or we can get drunk instead.” 

Evan nods. “I think I can do that.” 

“I know you can, you’re one of the strongest people I know. It will be okay Ev; you just have to believe me, and we’ll get through this. Together.” 

“Together.” Evan echoes. 

The rest of the week passes in a blurred routine of, wake, breakfast, study, exam, lunch, exam, exam, dinner, study, bed. It’s exhausting but thankfully, doesn’t drag on. Friday arrives faster than expected. The five of them gather in the boys’ and Dorcas’ dorm for gift exchange. 

A yearly tradition of drinking, sweets, gossip and presents. Before Dorcas had joined them, it would be a lot tamer and Pandora would sleep over in one of the boys’ beds. Now with an extra person, it became absolute perfection. An added person meant added ruckus and none of the boys had to share a bed. Instead, Pandora chose to sleep in with Dorcas. 

Barty looked forward to it every year and was counting the hours until after the feast when they could gather and have fun. Eventually everyone was dismissed and Barty all but sprinted back to his dorm, his friends walking behind. He got out the bottle of Firewhiskey and his gifts for everyone. If there is anything Barty gets immense joy from doing, it’s giving gifts to the people he loves. 

The others arrive in a few minutes and immediately scramble for their things. Regulus gets some glasses, Evan gets some sweets, Pandora has some Butterbeer and Dorcas whips out a bottle of muggle gin. The fun was about to begin. 

They spun the bottle, whoever it landed on would be the first to be gifted. This time it was Pandora. She clapped her hands and beamed. Dorcas gifts her some hair combs and beads. Regulus gets her a box of ancient animal fossils and potion ingredients. Evan some new flowy skirts and shawls. Barty grins as he hands over his gift. A glass quill and colorful inks as well as some decorated wax seals and a jewel encrusted journal. 

Evan is next. Barty got him a fancy set to make joints and a new cigarette case because he noticed Evan had lost his other one. When Evan opened the gift, the other three groaned in unison. Evan just looked up at Barty with bright eyes and a cheeky smile. Barty winked and very pointedly looked at his still unpacked trunk. Evan got the message and nodded. 

Then it’s Dorcas’ turn. Barty got her some expensive jewelry and a sewing kit. Inside the kit there were needles and thread, a few fabric samples and patterns, as well as other fancy thingamajigs that were for Salazar knows what. Dorcas seemed delighted and hugged Barty so hard, he was scared he would break a rib. 

Bartys happens to come next. Dorcas got him some more hair dyes and a piercing kit. Pandora got him a silver dagger with a leather handle. There were all sorts of ornate carvings and engravings decorating it. Evan got him some muggle clothes, how? Barty didn’t know, but they were cool. Regulus was the last to give Barty a gift and he got him a set of Healing textbooks. Some muggle, some magic. If Barty wasn’t in love with Reg before, he certainly was now. 

Then it was Regulus’ turn. The others got him a new journal, some clothes, paints and quills and some French novels. Barty held his breath as he passed over Regulus’ gift. Regulus meticulously pulled back the wrapping paper furrowed his brows. He held up a folder and looked at Barty in confusion. 

“Open it.” he prompted. 

“Barty, I swear, if this fucking explodes-” 

“Regulus, just open the fucking thing.” Barty urges. 

Regulus opens the folder cautiously only to let out a gasp.  

“Bach. Wagner. Stravinsky. Fuck me, Barty. Fucking Mozart!” Regulus exclaims. 

Barty grins. “I figured you might like the original sheet music.” 

Regulus freezes. “What?” 

“Original sheet music writing?” Barty cocks an eyebrow. 

“Original?! Barty, how much did these fucking cost.” 

Barty shrugs. “Do you like it?” 

“Like it? I love it. Barty I could fucking kiss you.” 

Barty can’t help the words that spill from him next. “Do it.” 

He knows it’s unfair for him to say that. But he’s tipsy and happy. And fucking horny too. 

Regulus stills. “What?”  

“Do. It.” Barty’s voice is a harsh whisper.  

Regulus turns and runs out of the door. Pandora scrambles up after him. Barty’s cheeks burn. 

“Fucking hell.” Evan breathes. 

“Barty-” Dorcas begins but he cuts her off with a wave of his hand.  

“I’m going for a smoke. Evan, care to test out your new kit?” 

Evan hesitates but gathers his kit and follows Barty out the door and down to the greenhouses. Dorcas watches them leave with a heavy sigh.  

A few minutes later Regulus returns and slumps down on his bed. Pandora enters next. 

“Regulus, you like him, you admitted it. And he told you to kiss him, I don’t see the problem here.” Pandora reasoned. 

“I can’t Pandora.” Regulus counters. 

“Why?” Dorcas asks. 

“Many reasons!” 

“Enlighten us then.” Pandora folds her arms and leans against the door. 

“My mother for one.” Regulus glares at her. 

“Surely you must have learned some form of hiding your thoughts around her?” Dorcas interrupts. 

Regulus huffs and walks over to the wardrobe. He pulls out a drawer and reaches into the back of it, pulling out a case of vials. Each vial had a silvery substance. He sets them down in front of Dorcas and Pandora walks over to see. 

“Are these-” 

“My memories? Yes.” Regulus snaps. 

“Fuck. Reg-” 

“I remove bits I don’t want her to know before I go home during the breaks. Those are just some stuff I don’t want to know or remember.” 

“Okay, fuck. Reg. We’ll come to that another time. What other reasons do you have?” 

Regulus sighs and looks away. “I mean, I finally get a chance to have something good in my life. It could go to shit, if we want to go beyond kissing because of my body.” 

Dorcas hums. “Well, you don’t have to go as far as sex.” 

“I want to though. Not now, but when we’re older. In a year or so.” 

“You could tell him before ye make things official or whatever?” Pandora offers. 

“I don’t even know if he wants a relationship. He was tipsy, it could just be drunken words.” 

“Drunken words, sober thoughts.” Dorcas sings. 

Regulus sighs again. “Oh fuck. Okay, well- I don’t know. I’m going to bed.” He disappears into the bathroom and emerges after a while. Regulus mutters a goodnight, to which they both chorus back, and burrows himself in his quilt and drawing the curtains without another word. 

Pandora and Dorcas share a look and start to clean up. It’s light work so it doesn’t take long. They follow Regulus’ example and within the next hour, they are both huddled up under the duvet of Dorcas’ bed. Dorcas hears Barty and Evan come in after another while but doesn’t say anything. It takes a while but eventually she drifts off to sleep. 

The next morning, she is awoken by the chaos that is Barty Crouch Jr. The idiot decided to wait until now to pack so his stuff was scattered around the room. The others are also awake, Evan helping Barty while Regulus very pointedly doesn’t look his way. Dorcas waves her wand sleepily and the stuff in Barty’s trunk already folds itself, making room for more.  

“Thanks, Dorky.” Barty calls. 

“Fuck off Crouch.” She responds. He laughs and gets back to work, bossing Evan around.  

Pandora enters a while later, hands full of plates laden with pancakes and toppings. Dorcas had freshened up a bit, but was still in her pajamas, rushing over to help her. They eat in silence before getting the remainder of their bits together and venturing down to Hogsmeade to catch the train. 

They find a compartment together and Evan, Barty and Pandora pick up a conversation. Regulus was writing in his new journal, poetry maybe. He had mentioned to Dorcas that he had quite a passion for it, hence why she bought said journal for him. Dorcas drowns out the chatter of the others and takes to staring out the window at the terrain speeding past. It doesn’t take long for her eyelids to droop and for her to drift off again. 

Dorcas wakes again as the train pulls to a stop. She gathers her trunks and bids all her friends goodbye with a hug. Stepping out onto the platform she looks around and spots her mother standing with a smile on her face.  

“Bonjour Maman.” She greets.  

Sita Meadowes greets her daughter with a wide smile. “Dorcas, ma chère. Comment ça va? Ah, tu es aussi belle que la dernière fois que je t'ai vue. Viens maintenant, on doit déjeuner et tu pourras me raconter toutes tes nouvelles.” 

Lunch with her mother is nice. Dorcas has to admit she missed her. After lunch, she asks to go for a walk around the local park. Her mother agrees but tells her she must unpack her washing first. Dorcas changes into a comfy, muggle outfit, since it is a muggle park and drops her dirty clothes into the washroom.  

It doesn’t take long to get to the park. Dorcas sits on a bench near the stream, looking out at the water speeding past. Someone sits next to her, but she pays no mind to them. That is, until, they speak. 

“Dorcas Meadowes? Long time, no see. I believe it has been four? Five? Years since I last saw that pretty face. Hm?” 

Dorcan looks up, startled. She takes in the stranger. A girl, around her age. With light brown skin, black wavy hair and eyes the colour of honey. Her face splits into a smile.  

“Maribel?” 

Maribel’s eyes twinkle. “Sí.” 

“What are you doing here?” Dorcas asks. 

“Ah, we moved back here in October. Papa finished his contract, and we had no reason to stay in Valencia. We missed the London life, so we returned. I hoped I would see you again.” 

Dorcas blinks. “I was at school, sorry.” 

Maribel laughed. “Don’t apologize silly. Tell me about it.” 

“About school?” 

Maribel nods. 

Dorcas thinks for a minute. “It’s a boarding school in Scotland. I love it there, there are many interesting views. There’s a huge lake and mountains. It’s huge. There are seven floors and nearly a thousand students.” 

“It sounds bonita.” Maribel muses. “Do you have many friends?” 

Dorcas shrugged. “About five in total. There’s Regulus, Barty, Evan and Pandora. And then there’s Marlene.” She can’t help the way her cheeks heat up at the mention of the Gryffindor’s name. 

“Marlene, huh? And she’s a friend?” Maribel asks, a twinkle in her eye. 

Dorcas sighs. “I think she likes me romantically, but I don’t know how I feel about her. Sure, I wouldn’t mind going out with her, but if there’s no real feeling then I might hurt her by accident.” 

Maribel nods. “Have you ever been with another girl?” 

“No, not since, well, you. What about you anyways?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been with two others in Spain. Had sex with one of them.” 

Dorcas perks up. “How?” 

“How what?” 

“How do you have sex.” She’s pretty sure her face is on fire. 

Maribel thinks for a moment. “It’s hard to explain really, but I can show you? No attachment obviously. And only with your permission.” 

Dorcas hesitates. “I’ve never done it before.” 

“Yeah, I got that.” 

“I suppose if something happens with me and Marlene, it wouldn’t hurt to have some experience.” 

Maribel smiles. “True.” 

Dorcas looks at her. “Are you sure?” 

Maribel shrugs. “Why not? I’m single and horny. Plus, with you it’ll be fun.” 

Dorcas pauses. “Okay.” She says finally. 

“Okay?” 

Dorcas nods. “Okay.” She repeats firmly. 

“Well come on then. My parents are out for the next few hours. We’ll have the house to ourselves.” Maribel stands up and holds out a hand. Dorcas takes it and the two girls' jog to Maribel’s house. 

When they reach Maribel’s bedroom, Dorcas pauses. Maribel looks at her. “We really don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

Dorcas shakes her head. “No, I want to. I’m just nervous I guess.” 

Maribel nods. “Understandable. If you want me to stop at any point, just say so and I will.” 

Dorcas nods. Maribel takes a step closer and then their lips meet. Maribel grips Dorcas’ waist pulling her closer. Dorcas follows. They stumble through the room and on to the bed. Maribel swipes her tongue over the seam of Dorcas’ lips, who gasps in response. The other girl parts Dorcas’ lips fully and licks into her mouth. Dorcas lets her. 

Maribel slips her hands under Dorcas’ shirt, who moans in response. The other girl giggles and continues, hands roaming the smooth dark skin beneath her. She pulls Dorcas’ shirt over her head and trails filthy, open-mouthed kisses down the other girl's jaw, nipping at her earlobe. Dorcas gasps when she starts sucking on her pulse point, biting gently before soothing it with her tongue. A heat pools in her stomach as Maribel unclips her bra before moving lower.

Dorcas loses herself in the pleasure, barely able to form a thought. At one point they end up on the bed, Maribel hovering over Dorcas, whispering sweet Spanish encouragement in her ear. Dorcas' brain turns to static as she feels her climax approach. It doesn't take long for her to be pushed over the edge as the brown hair turns to blonde in her mind. 

“M-Mar-fuck, Marlene.” She cries as Maribel eases her through her high.  

She rolls off Dorcas and stares up at her ceiling. Eventually her breathing eases out and she rolls over to face Dorcas. 

“So” She begins. 

Dorcas watches her from the corner of her eye.  

“Are we going to talk about how you moaned another girl’s name when I was the one fucking you?” 

Dorcas feels her body tense. “Shit. Sorry, I-” 

Maribel laughs lightly. “I’m only teasing you. We agreed no emotions, remember?” 

Dorcas nods, still embarrassed.  

They lapse in to easy silence after. Maribel breaks it after a while.  

“Dorcas?” 

“Hm?” 

“I think this means you like Marlene more than a friend.” 

Dorcas sighs. “I suppose it doesn’t help that at some point I started envisioning it was her.” 

Maribel hums. “What are you going to do?” 

“I don’t know. I think I always liked her, but I spent the past while ignoring it so now it feels such a foreign concept.” 

“Yeah, that makes sense.” 

Dorcas eyes start to sting and before she knows it a tear escapes. Maribel pulls her closer and holds her as she cries quietly from the overwhelming realization of it all.  

After a while, her emotions fizzle out. Maribel pulls her up. “Come on, we are both in desperate need of a shower.” 

Doras laughs weakly and follows her into her ensuite. They end up showering together, but nothing happens. Maribel lathers shampoo into Dorcas’ braids, massaging her scalp.  

“Tell me about her.” 

Dorcas frowns. “Marlene?” 

Maribel nods, even though Dorcas can’t see. “Tell me everything about her.” 

So, Dorcas does. She tells her about Marlene’s wild and choppy blonde hair. Her piercing hazel eyes, that you could get lost in. Her perfect, pouty lips and Dorcas now realizes why she had such a fascination with before.  

She tells Maribel how unapologetically herself Marlene was. How she saw Dorcas as cool and confident as well. She tells her about their ‘date-not-date' and how she had the time of her life getting to know her. She tells Maribel about Marlene’s rough Irish brogue that Dorcas craves to hear all the time.  

As she describes Marlene, she realizes it might go beyond a crush. That maybe she is the person who is destined to steal her heart. What Dorcas doesn’t realise is that she might already have done. 

Chapter Text

12 Grimmauld Place, 22 nd December 1975  

Regulus doesn’t feel any different when he steps off the train and on to the platform. He doesn’t feel any different when he collects his trunk and walks over to Kreacher. He doesn’t feel any different as he watches his brother bid his friends and girlfriend goodbye. He doesn’t feel any different as Sirius joins them and they apparate back to their house. He only feels different when they are both called into their father’s study.  

The atmosphere of his parents is off. They don’t say anything when Sirius shoves his hands in his pockets and slouches. Instead, they greet both their sons and start a discussion about Regulus and his grades. They don’t say anything when Sirius snorts and mocks them. Soon they are dismissing Regulus and Sirius.  

Regulus grabs his brother’s wrist before he can disappear into his room.  

“Sirius.” He hisses. “Something’s wrong. Why are they being so...” Regulus trails off looking for the right word. “Mundane?”  

Sirius shrugs. “I don’t know but I’m taking it as I get it.”  

“No Sirius, something’s wrong. They’re planning something. I think.”  

Sirius snorts. “Don’t be so paranoid Reggie. Maybe they have finally broken the cycle of trauma our family shoves on us.”  

Regulus fixes him with a deadpan look. “We both know that is highly unlikely.”  

“Oh well. At least we’re not bleeding.”  

“Sirius, I’m serious-”  

“Regulus.” Sirius stops him. “Stop being paranoid.”  

And then Sirius is gone. Shutting his bedroom door and locking it. Regulus stomps his foot then flinches as the sound carries through the house. No reprimand comes. It made him feel uncomfortable.  

Regulus laughs at himself. Merlin, he’s well and truly fucked up if the act of his parents being decent human beings towards him makes him feel on edge. But he still can’t shake the uneasiness it brings him.  

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Regulus unpacks. Paces. Reads. Paces some more. Writes. More pacing. Then it’s dinner, which is silent. Nobody speaks. His parents don’t yell at him when he doesn’t eat his fish. They don’t yell at Sirius who tips his plate over for some reason. They don’t yell at Regulus when he accidentally spills his fancy white wine. Instead, they vanish the mess and dismiss the brothers. Regulus doesn’t get a chance to pull Sirius aside this time.  

The next day passes in mostly the same way. Regulus wakes and goes down for breakfast. His mother and father are at some meeting, so the house is relatively empty. Regulus takes solitude for granted, venturing around the library as he had done so many times before. The only muggle book there is The Illiad and although Regulus could probably recite it word for word, he never gets bored of it.  

He spends the morning reading before going back upstairs to try out his new paints after a quick lunch. Sirius still hasn’t appeared from his room, so Regulus sends Kreacher up to make sure he eats.  

It’s after dinner when everything goes to shit. After yet another meal of silence, Orion calls both boys into his office. He invites them to sit and after a few minutes of stilted quietness, their mother joins them. Walburga stands beside her husband and surveys Regulus and Sirius who both resist the urge to fidget under her heavy gaze.  

“Bonjour Maman. What can we do for you?” Regulus breaks the ice.  

Walburga turns to him, a shark-like grin on her face. “Regulus, mon fille, there is no need for you to do anything just yet. Your brother on the other hand, we have a job for.”  

She turns to Sirius who raises an unimpressed brow. “Well?”  

“As you two are aware we attended a meeting this morning.” Orion continues, ignoring Sirius’ scoff. “At that meeting we were able to secure a deal for you Sirius. You should be honored as this deal was difficult to acquire.”  

“Will someone tell me what the bloody deal is?” Sirius snapped. His parents paid him no mind, instead turning to Regulus.  

“Regulus, you’re a smart boy. Surely you should be able to figure out the deal?” Walburga smiles.  

Regulus swallows. “I don’t know.”  

“Come now Regulus, you’re smarter than that. Think.”  

Regulus wracks his brain. Thinking about jobs and positions his family owns. What departments at the ministry they lead. Who their enemies are. Who they follow. Who they follow. It hits him like the Hogwarts Express.  

“The dark Lord.” He whispers, praying he is wrong. From the look on Orion’s face, he apparently doesn’t have that luck.  

“Good boy. Now, what do you think the deal actually is?” Walburga pushes.  

Regulus thinks. There is only one deal between Voldemort and his followers. One bond.  

“The Dark Mark.” He whispers again.  

Walburga claps her hands together. “Precisely.”  

Sirius has gone pale. “No.”  

Walburga glares at him. “Yes. You will be sent on a raid with us tomorrow. After, if you have proven yourself worthy, you will be rewarded with the mark. You will be the youngest Death Eater in history.”  

Sirius squares up. “No. I refuse.” He snaps.  

“Sirius.” His father interrupts. “You do not have much of a say in this. If you resist you will be killed.”  

“Then so be it. I would rather die than fight on his behalf.”  

Regulus watches, eyes wide with fear. “Sirius-”  

“Sirius, you will take the mark and that’s that. You must set an example for your brother, for he will get it in two years' time.” Walburga snaps.  

“Please.” Sirius begs. “I’m not even of age yet. I still have school. Wait another few years, then I will. But only if Regulus doesn’t have to.”  

“Our decision is final Sirius. You are expected down here tomorrow at 3 pm sharp. You may leave us now. Regulus, you are to stay.”  

Sirius looks at his brother with wide eyes. “Regulus-”  

“Just go Sirius.” He couldn’t let his brother know about the vow, because no doubt that was the reason he was ordered to stay behind for a while.  

Sirius gets up and walks out of the study, rather robotically. Regulus turns back to face his parents.  

“You are not permitted to join us on the raid for your own safety Regulus, you may, however, watch it through my memories in the pensive after. It would do you well for you to learn about those types of environments, seeing as you will be joining them in years to come. You remember our vow?”  

“Oui Maman.” How could he forget?  

“Good. I hope you will make us proud next year. And please, for your own dignity, don’t make a fuss like your brother has done.”  

“Oui Maman.”  

“Bien. You are dismissed. We will have guests for dinner tomorrow. Important ones. Dress nice.”  

Regulus doesn’t sleep that night. He can hear Sirius talking in the next room, thinking that the Black Family madness has finally caught up to him.  

The next morning Sirius doesn’t appear for breakfast, so Regulus decides to bring some up to him. He knocks on the door before entering. Sirius looks like a mess. His hair is all tangled and knotty. It’s almost past his shoulders now. Regulus now knows why Walburga hasn’t cut it yet.  

Sirius furiously wipes his eyes which are red and puffy and turns back to a pocket mirror. “I’ve got to go now Prongs, I will talk to you later, yeah?”  

“Are you sure Pads?” A voice replies.  

Sirius nods and puts his mirror face down on his nightstand. He studies Regulus who is standing awkwardly at the door, before pulling his knees up to his chest, leaving space for Regulus at the end of the bed. Regulus takes the invitation and holds up a plate of toast.  

“I brought you breakfast.”  

“Not hungry.”  

Regulus sighs and puts the plate on the nightstand beside the mirror. “I told you.”  

Sirius lets out a shuddering breath and suddenly Regulus is there. Holding his older brother in his arms. Sirius sobs quietly into Regulus’ chest, drenching the fabric with tears. Eventually he somewhat composes himself and pulls back.  

“I’m sorry Reggie. I’m just so scared.” Sirius whispers the last word as if he is ashamed of it.  

“Why are you still here?” Regulus finds himself asking. Sirius looks at him.  

“What do you mean?”  

“Why haven’t you run away to the Potters’ yet. Or Andy’s. You don’t have to stay here.”  

Sirius studies Regulus. “Why haven’t you?” He counters.  

Regulus sighs. “I have nowhere to go. You know that.”  

“You could come with me?”  

Regulus just shook his head. “I physically can’t leave.”  

“Well, I’m not leaving without you.”  

Regulus wants to scream at his brother to stop being so fucking noble and to just go but he can’t get the words out. Instead, he just drops the conversation.  

They sit in silence for a while. Sirius picks at his toast.  

“How was school this year?” Regulus asks. He hates small talk but can’t bear the heavy unspoken weight.  

Sirius shrugs. “As well as could be. You?”  

Regulus pauses. “I told my friends.”  

That got Sirius’ attention. “Told them what.”  

“About who I used to be. How I’m not a real boy.”  

“Why?”  

Regulus hesitates. “Most of them found out by accident. I got my period in front of Dorcas. Then Pandora found out when I followed Dorcas into the girl’s bathroom because she was upset. Then Dorcas got attacked so I rushed up into the girls’ dorms. That’s how Evan found out I think.”  

Sirius frowns. “You need to be more careful. You don’t want too many people knowing. It’s not right. People aren’t just like that. You can’t tell anyone else, okay?”  

Regulus sighs. “Whatever Sirius, you don’t get it. They do.”  

Sirius just shakes his head and looks out the window.  

“Also, I think I’m gay.”  

Sirius snaps his head around. “What?”  

Regulus curses himself internally. Why the fuck did he say that. No turning back now.  

Sirius scoffs after a while. “You’re not gay.”  

Regulus shrugs. “I like a boy.”  

“Yeah, but you’re not one. Well, not a proper one anyways.”  

That stung. Regulus took a breath and tried not to cry. Why was Sirius like this? He was his older brother; he should love Regulus.  

They sit in more silence. Regulus can’t remember the last time it wasn’t awkward when speaking with his brother. Eventually he got fed up with Sirius’ presence. He stood up and walked out, biting out a harsh goodbye on his way.  

Regulus snuck into the bathroom and locked the door. He studied himself in the mirror. Short hair. No tits. Deeper voice. He looked like a boy. But as Sirius said, he would never be one, not a real one.  

He closed his eyes as he undressed and stood under the shower. Not moving. Letting the boiling water turn his skin red. He didn’t have many scars. Not like Sirius. If he had, then he could pretend that was the reason he didn’t like looking at his body. At least under the shower he could pretend that the reason his cheeks were wet was from the water.  

He stood there for nearly an hour, wishing that the water could just drown him. Regulus was a good swimmer. He loved the water. Though sometimes he wishes he would drown and spend his last moments surrounded by something he craved to be in. Who knows. Maybe in the future his wish would come true.  

After his shower he dressed in suitable clothes for dinner. Sirius and his parents had already left. He hoped they would be back soon. He tried to read more, to put his mind to use. But he had no luck and ended up pacing the entire house before the familiar crack of apparition sounded.  

Sirius ran up the stairs past him and into his bedroom, slamming the door. Fine. Regulus didn’t want to see him anyways. He entered the dining room and sat in his usual seat. Dinner wouldn’t be long. He heard Walburga’s heels approaching and stopped himself from flinching at the harsh click of every step she took. Orion’s heavy footsteps followed.  

“Regulus. You are ready for dinner. Good.” His mother announced in lieu of a greeting.  

He bowed his head to her. “Bonjour Maman, I hope the raid went well.”  

“It could have gone better but your brother is a stubborn brat. Hopefully our Lord will forgive his mistakes.”  

Regulus nodded along. The fireplace flared and Narcissa and Lucius entered through the floo network. Not long after, Bellatrix and Rodolphus followed. There was a knock at the door and Walburga stood to answer it ordering Kreacher to fetch Sirius on her way.  

A man entered; his features obscured by a cloak of some sort. It seemed to draw in every shadow and cling to him. Regulus had no doubt who this was. Everyone at the table bowed their heads. Regulus followed suit.  

Sirius was apparated in by Kreacher a few minutes after the Dark Lord had been seated at the top of the table, where Orion usually sat. Walburga flicked her wand and Sirius’ dirty and ragged robes transformed into new, clean ones. More people filed in after. Regulus recognized the Notts, the Averys, the Crabbes and the Goyles. Evan’s father arrived. Regulus was disappointed that neither Evan nor Pandora accompanied him.  

At 6pm sharp dinner was served. Regulus filled his plate quietly as Sirius slouched beside him and the adults talked among themselves. The Dark Lord seemed to be surveying everyone’s movements and if Pandora had taught him one thing, it was how to manipulate people with ease. Regulus fixed his posture and hands, making him seem open and trustworthy. He could feel Voldemort’s gaze on him. It was only when the weight of it dissipated that he took a deep breath.  

It seemed like an age before the dinner plates and chalices were cleared away, leaving the table bare. The only light was those of the candles in the chandelier. Silence settled on the table like a weighted blanket. Regulus became increasingly uncomfortable with every passing second.  

The Dark Lord cleared his throat. “Sirius Black. Eldest son and heir to the most Ancient and Noble House of Black. I presume you are aware of the proposition I have made to your parents?”  

Sirius didn’t say anything. Walburga glared at him. “Please excuse my son’s behavior my lord, he is merely awestruck in your company.”   

The Dark Lord laughed coldly. It sent shivers down Regulus’ spine. He just wanted to grab Sirius and drag them both out of there. Get him somewhere safe then stay behind so he could finally protect his brother after years of having his hits taken by him. Not that he could leave either way.  

“You haven’t proved yourself on the raid, young Lord Black. Though because of your family’s name I am willing to overlook that factor. You have also been sorted into Gryffindor, something I would have refused your following for. After much thought, I realized that it might be useful. Once you become one of my own, I ask you to spy on Dumbledor. He has an organization set up to foil my plans. I wish for you to infiltrate and obliterate it.  

Sirius still says nothing. Regulus doesn’t know if that’s bad or good, but his gut tells him it is the former.  

“You will now join me up here to take my mark.”  

Sirius finally speaks. “No. I’m not taking it.”  

Regulus mentally slaps his brother.  

“Sirius-” Walburga starts but is cut off by Sirius standing up and slamming his hand on the table.  

“I will not take the mark. Ever. I am not on your side of this war and refuse to be persuaded on to it.”  

The Dark Lord also stands and brushes off his cloak. “Very well then. I have reached my limit of patience with him. I hope young Regulus will learn from his mistakes and be much more co-operative in two years. Walburga, do with your son with what you please but ensure he is not welcome in any of our proximity again.”  

And with that, he’s gone. Sirius is still standing glaring defiantly at everyone at the table.  

“Crucio.” His mother says coldly. And then the screaming starts. Regulus stands up to aid his brother.  

“Imperio.”  

And then he can no longer move. ‘Sit down Regulus.’ His mother speaks in his head. Regulus has no choice but to sit and watch as his brother is tortured pleading with him to get them to stop. It hurts him deeply that he physically can’t. Now his brother will only see him as someone else who betrayed him.  

“Lacero.”  

“Crucio.”  

“Expulso.”  

“Sectumsempra.”  

Everyone got in at least one curse. Regulus tried and tried to resist the Imperio curse but then his mother started with her Legilimency. He quickly shoved everything he hadn’t taken out before into a box, leaving only the present day in the forefront of his mind. The pain of his mother searching his head stopped after a while and when he came back to the room, everyone was gone.  

The Imperio was down too.  

“Regulus, go to bed.”  

He obliged, running up to his room. He didn’t stay there or go to bed. Instead, he got his wand, potions and healing books ready. He heard his parents go to bed, leaving Sirius downstairs to die.  

“Kreacher.” He whispered.  

Kreacher appeared with a crack. Regulus was glad he put a silencing charm on his bedroom so that his parents weren’t awoken by it.  

“Take me to the dining room. And be quiet.”  

Kreacher took his hand and apparated to the dining room with a quiet snap. Regulus paused, straining his ears for any noise from his mother or father. When none came, he put up another silencing charm before rushing over to where his brother lay.  

The most difficult curse to reverse would be the sectumsempra. Snape had invented it. Nott had used it, so Regulus wasn’t surprised seeing as Snape hung out with his son.  

Luckily Regulus had overheard them talking about it and how to reverse it. Slowly but surely, the wounds began to close. He tipped a blood replenishing potion down Sirius’ throat before moving on to other healing spells.  

It was painstaking work. By the end of a few hours Sirius was in a stable condition and Regulus was sweating from exhaustion.  

“Kreacher.” He called again; his voice hoarse.  

The house elf apparated in front of him once again.  

“Floo powder. Please. I need to get him out of here.”  

Kreacher nodded and was gone again for a few minutes. When he came back, he held a glass of water out to Regulus and a pouch of Floo powder. Regulus nodded his thanks.  

Before Kreacher could disappear again, Regulus grabbed him by the wrist.  

“Kreacher, you are not to tell a soul about how I healed Sirius or how he is gone to safety now.”  

“Yes, Master Regulus.” Kreacher bowed and then he was gone again.  

Sirius was still injured, but no longer in danger of dying. Regulus did the best he could and could only hope that James Potter’s mother could heal him properly. He grabbed Sirius around the middle and was about to step in to the fireplace when a searing hot pain enveloped his wrist.  

Of course. He was the heir now. That fucking vow. Regulus gritted his teeth in frustration.  

Sirius’ eyes fluttered open. “Reggie?” He croaked.  

“Sirius you need to go.”  

“What?”  

“Sirius go. Now. Please.”  

Sirius sat up and grabbed Regulus’ hand. “Come on then.”  

Regulus felt his eyes swim with tears. “I can’t Sirius. I’m the heir now. You need to go.”  

“Regulus come on.”  

Regulus shook his head. “I’m sorry.”  

He threw the floo powder into the fireplace. “Potter Manor.” He called before he shoved Sirius into the green flames. The last thing he saw was the look of betrayal on his brother’s face. A look that would haunt him forever. The flames died down and Regulus collapsed on the carpet.  

The tears flowed freely as Regulus sobbed. He no longer tried to repress them. He was in mourning. Mourning his brother, although Sirius wasn’t dead. It was Regulus who was dead. Dead to Sirius.  

He stayed there, curled up on the blood-stained carpet, looking into the fireplace. Selfishly hoping Sirius would come back. But he never did. Regulus expected that. He had dug his grave when he took that vow and now had no choice but to rest in it.  

Regulus finally found it in himself to get up when the sun started peeking through the windows. He gathered his stuff and silently walked back to his room. He had no more tears left.  

When he got to his room, the first thing he did was pull out a piece of parchment and begin to write.  

Andromeda,  

Sirius refused the Dark Mark last night and now has been disowned. I healed him and sent him through the Floo to the Potters. Don’t write back or tell him I wrote this. Let him believe I chose to stay behind. It’s easier for him to hate me than to know the truth. Please visit him if you can. I want him to be happy and safe in his new family. Don’t try to save me either, I know you will, so don’t. I can't be saved. I made an unbreakable vow a few years ago to stay and become the proper heir should Sirius refuse to, in exchange for me to live my life as happily as possible. I am relatively safe here now; my parents wouldn’t want to harm their last option. Take care of him for me.  

Regulus.  

He slipped the letter under his shirt and made for the Black family owlery. He sent the letter and refused to owlery as he watched the owl fly off. He knew that would be his last chance to contact estranged people from his family.  

“Regulus!” His mother’s shrill shriek set him on edge, but he went to meet her anyways.  

“Where is Sirius?” She asked immediately when he appeared.  

Regulus hesitated. “I don’t know Maman.”  

She glared at him before diving into his mind. His walls crumble almost immediately for he is too weary to resist her legilimency.  

She pulls back. “You lie.” Walburga seethes. “Crucio.”  

Regulus doesn’t scream. He would hate to give her that satisfaction. He had only endured the curse once before, but he wasn’t expecting how much worse this one would be. It was fueled by anger, hatred and... fear. Walburga is afraid. Afraid for her family name because she no longer has Sirius under her control.  

 Regulus can’t escape the manic giggle that escapes him. It only drives Walburga to torture him more. His insides are acid. His bones feel like they’re on fire. This pain is so much worse than he ever had felt before. His head feels like it’s being split in two. He doesn’t falter his laughter, but drops to his knees, too weak to hold himself up. His laughter has turned hysterical. His mouth tastes of iron and the ground in front of him only becomes more splattered with blood. His ribs ache and his lungs fill with blood. His nose starts to bleed. His ears are ringing. Tears pour from his eyes, but he doesn’t cease his giggles.  

Walburga watches as her youngest child, now her only child, laughs psychotically as he is being tortured. Laughs as he bleeds, sweats and cries. A chill of pure terror travels down her spine. What is this child capable of if he dissolves into hysterics when withstanding cruciatus curse after cruciatus curse. She drops the curse and walks swiftly out of the room, trying to hide how her hands shake. Regulus’ laughter was worse than Sirius’ agonized screams. It rings after her, carrying through the house.  

Regulus keeps laughing even after his mother leaves. His head is swimming. His mouth keeps filling with more and more blood that he has to spit out. Eventually the maniacal laughter turns to weak chuckles turn to silent sobs. His throat is raw, and his body is painful. This wasn’t how Christmas is supposed to go.  

The floo roars in front of him. Pandora and Evan step out. He forgot they were coming, while their parents and other adults went for a Yuletide banquet. They stop short when they see him. His vision is tinged red and foggy. His limbs were heavy and excruciating.  

“Oh Regulus.” Pandora gasps. She drops down beside him and pulls his head onto her lap.  

Regulus bursts into tears all over again from her tenderness. Evan drops next to him and begins to run diagnostic spells.  

“Merlin Reg, what happened?”  

Regulus’ eyelids begin to droop. Pandora is so warm, and kind and he is so tired and sore, he can’t help but want to fall asleep. He fights it for another while. He tells the twins everything. About Sirius refusing the mark and being tortured. About Regulus healing his injuries and sending him away. About how his mother found out Regulus helped him escape. About how he endured seven rounds of the torturing curse. He left out the bit about the laughing, he didn’t want to scare them.  

Evan ran up to Regulus’ room in search of the healing potions Regulus had used the night before. Pandora starts to cry at the sight of him. He squeezed her hand three times. Each squeeze for a word. Three squeezes, three words, eight letters that he found so hard to say aloud.  

He slipped in and out of consciousness while Evan tipped potions down his throat. He vaguely registered him being carried up the stairs and into his room. Pandora never let go of his hand. He was set down on the bed. Pandora curled up beside him, stroking his hair and cradling his face. He gave her hand one last squeeze before the world went dark once again.  

He woke again after a few hours of nightmare filled sleep. The twins were gone unfortunately. Pandora left a note. He cried when he read how sincere her words were, expressing her sorrow for not coming sooner.  

He limped down the stairs and knocked on the study door.  

“Enter.” His mother called.  

He pushed open the door while also pushing down his fears.  

“Maman. I wish to see the memories of the raid.”  

Walburga studied him warily. “Very well then.” She raises her wand to her temple and draws out a familiar silver thread before setting it in the pensive in the corner of the room.  

Regulus strids over to the bowl and takes a deep breath before plunging his head into the memories swirling around.  

He is soon standing on top of a hill in Northern Ireland. Death Eaters rush around him, firing green and red flashes. They are targeting a muggle village in the valley of the hill. Houses are set ablaze, and muggles flee screaming. He catches sight of Sirius standing against the onslaught of Death Eaters. He has his wand raised and conjures a huge shield. Protecting the muggles.  

The Death Eaters try to tear it down, but each time they manage Sirius puts up another. Curses ricochet off it, firing back at their casters. Most of Regulus feels annoyed at his brother’s stupidity. But another smaller part of him feels envy that he can’t be that brave, pride that his brother is and admiration to want to be him. Three emotions he has felt towards Sirius all while growing up.  

Bellatrix apparates behind Sirius and Regulus wants to cry out. But he isn’t heard. He never is. His older cousin grabs his brother and apparates to the top of the hill where Walburga is standing and where Regulus is viewing her memory.  

His mother hits Sirius with a body binding curse and forces him to watch as the muggle village is torn to ruins, the people no more than cold, pale statues that will forever haunt Regulus. Houses are reduced to ash and the screaming and crying lingers in the air long after the people are silenced forever.  

Regulus is pulled out of the memory as it ends. He looks back to his parents who are watching him with interest. He swallows back what he really wants to say, the words like bile climbing his throat.  

Instead, he meets their harrowing gazes. “I will not fail you.” He says it to his parents, but really, he is talking to his brother.    

Chapter Text

22 nd December 1975  

Barty steps off the train and surveys the platform. No sign of his father. Oh, well, that was to be expected, wasn’t it? No matter how ‘normal’ it became for him to have an absent father, it still hurt every time.  

He spots their house elf, Winky, and makes his way over. Winky takes his bags and apparates them both back to Crouch manor. The house is silent when they enter.  

“Master Crouch had a meeting to attend. He will not be back for a while. Can Winky get young Master Crouch something to eat?”  

Barty lets out a defeated sigh. Some things never change. “I am alright for another while Winky but thank you.” 

Winky bowed her head and scurried off to do her housework. Barty gathers his things and makes his way to his room. It looked the same as it did in September. Black bedframe and wardrobe. Green bed sheets and curtains. Winky had obviously been keeping it clean, not a speck of dust was in sight.  

He slumped down on his bed, inhaling the familiar sent that should be home. Crouch manor would always just be a house, never a home. Barty longed for something like Dorcas had. A loving mother. A welcoming home . Freedom to do whatever she pleased. No stuffy, suffocating rooms. No pristine floors. No empty walls.  

He rolled over onto his back and stared at his ceiling. Tears pricked his eyes as he recalled what had happened with Regulus. He was supposed to keep his distance. To not let anyone know of his feelings. And he had undone all of that with a few drunken words.  

He wondered what Evan would think. Only Dorcas knew that he was queer. Now he had outed himself to all his friends. Evan hadn’t said anything about the incident, just had given him a few weird looks. Barty hoped that he wouldn’t have a problem with it. Evan was his best friend; he would be dead without him.  

Thinking of Evan, Barty was worried for him. He didn’t have anyone to help him over the break. Well, Pandora maybe, but he had said that she doesn’t know and that he is not going to tell her for fear of making her worried or scared. Barty knows that if anything, Pandora would be vengeful, but he didn't say anything. It was Evan’s secret to share with whomever he wanted. 

The next few days passed with no activity whatsoever. Barty would sit and stare at his walls or catch up on sleep and homework. He rarely left his room. He rarely ate. He could see the rabbit hole he was falling into but didn’t care. Christmas day crept up on him. Winky dragged him out of bed and into the shower. He refused food and the expensive presents his father had gotten. As if they would make up for the fact he wasn’t here. 

That evening he went outside and wandered around the empty acres of rolling hills and fields surrounding their property. He found himself on the top of his favorite hill. It was one he and his mother visited every Sunday for a picnic. He fell to his knees, dizziness and hunger overcoming him. 

Barty crawls over to his tree. His mother had planted it the day he was born. It was where he had scattered some of her ashes. He slumps against the rough bark ignoring how uncomfortable it felt. He pulled out his cigarettes and lights one.  

“I’m sorry mum.” He whispers into the night sky. Tears warming his face that the wind stings with icy air. He takes a drag and exhales the smoke before continuing. “I know you wouldn’t be proud of me right now. I’m not.” 

Barty lets out a shaky breath. “Dad didn’t come home today. Winky took care of me. She forced me to take a shower. I refused the food. I always preferred yours. I find it hard to eat hers. It’s not the same.” 

Barty takes another drag between sobs. “I made a new friend this year. Her name is Dorcas. She’s amazing. Really funny and kind. You would like her. Evan and Pandora seem to like her too. And she’s like a sister to Regulus from what I can see.” 

Another drag. “I made a stupid mistake with Regulus. I told him to kiss me. I want him to. But it was obvious from his reaction that he didn’t. I’m worried about Evan too. I just hope that I can help him before he goes too far.” 

Barty wipes his eyes. “It’s Christmas today. The 25th of December. I made it to fifteen mum. Dad only got me a Christmas present. I remember you always got me one for my birthday too. Winky offered to make me a cake, but I can’t. It feels wrong to celebrate without you. Considering it’s your birthday too.” 

The cigarette has almost burnt out. Barty tries to resist. He really does. But he falls back into old habits and stubs it out on his arm, hissing though his teeth as he breathes through the burn of it.  

He stays there for a while. Chain-smoking until his lungs are screaming in protest. The sun starts to peek over the horizon. Only then does he stand up and gather his bits. He turns back to his tree.  

“Happy birthday Mum. I’m sorry. I should go now.” He steps forward and leans his head against the bark. “I love you.” 

Barty doesn’t have to sneak in. He stops by the kitchen which is empty. He grabs a mince pie. His mum’s favorite. Even just holding it sent a pang of distress through him. But he forces himself to take a bite. For his mum.  

When he reaches his bedroom, he collapses on his bed and falls into a deep sleep. He isn’t awoken by an owl flying in the window and dropping a letter on his desk. Or by Winky coming in to clean his space. He is only woken up a few hours later by another owl pecking at his head.  

He sits up groggy and recognizes it as Dorcas’. He takes the letter and rubs the sleep out of his eyes.  

Hey Barty,  

How are you holding up? I don’t know if you’ve seen the prophet yet. I presume you have. Poor Regulus. Have you talked to him since school? Happy Christmas by the way. I hope your holidays are going ok. Maybe we could meet up somewhere before school? I have loads I need to tell you. I’m going to meet my friend, Maribel, now, so I can’t talk much more. Sorry. I’ll see you soon. Love you!  

Dorcas.  

Barty can’t help but smile. It has only been a few days, but he already misses Dorcas. He is a bit confused at the first bit about the prophet and Regulus. Did something happen to him? 

“Winky?” He calls. 

“Yes, young Master Crouch?” Winky appears with a crack in front of him.  

“Can you bring me a copy of today’s Daily Prophet?” 

Winky bowed her head and disappeared, before reappearing with a rolled-up newspaper, which she handed over to Barty.  

Barty looked down at the front page. The headline glared back at him.  

BLACK HEIR DISOWNED  

The eldest son of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, Sirius Black, has been disowned after refusing to serve the Dark Lord. He is reported to have run away from his family home leaving his younger brother, Regulus Black, behind in the early hours of Christmas Day. Regulus Black has now been announced as the heir to the fortune. Lord and Lady Black have expressed their disgust with the actions of their previous heir. “He is no longer a son of mine.” Lady Walburga Black has clearly stated. See more on page eight.  

“Fucking hell.” Barty stares wide eyed at the paper.  

He scrambles over to his desk to write back to Dorcas, knowing there is no possibility he could reach Regulus. He notices another sealed letter there and picks it up. When he opens it the only words that are written are, ‘Diagon Alley, Florean Fortescue's, 12pm, 27th December- Evan and Pandora.’ 

He smiles at the prospect of seeing Evan again. Pandora too, of course. He wondered if Dorcas would be there too. Maybe the twins would have more information on the Sirius scandal, since they’re related and all that. They might know how Regulus is as well.   

Evan sits up groggily, wincing at the pain in his back. It had been a few days since it had essentially been split open, but still hurt like a bitch. He had managed to get his hands on a vial of Dittany, though, so it was healing faster than usual. Thank Salazar for that. He just had to put more effort into his grades for the summer exams. Make sure he gets all the highest marks possible.  

His back had been struck five times after he got off the train and arrived home. One strike for each exam where he didn’t get the highest grade possible. It won’t happen again, he assures himself.  

Seeing Regulus like that the day before scared him. Alot. If that was going to be norm in the Black House now that Sirius was gone, Evan would be damned if he didn’t murder every single person who hurts Regulus like that. 

After he manages to drag himself down the stairs for breakfast, he enters the library. Pandora is sitting at one of the desks there, sketching something in her new journal. Dark bags swallowed her eyes which were bloodshot and swollen. She looked as if she had been crying. When Evan looked over her shoulder, he saw a cave. From the outside at least.  

There was a jagged cliff overlooking rough seas. A sharp, angular rock pillar jutted out, breaking through crashing waves that were stationary on paper but looked as if they were swallowing the landscape whole. On the cliff was a cave and towards the entrance of it, there was a ledge, looking out over the deadly waves. The cave looked pitch black. Like a black hole. Even though it was just a drawing, Evan nearly broke out in a cold sweat from fear.  

“Pandora, what exactly is that?” He asked. 

“The cave from my dreams.” She replied, not looking up. 

Evan scoffs. “Looks more like nightmare material.” 

She looks at him with raised eyebrows. “It’s from a vision.” 

Evan pauses. “Oh.” He manages to say. 

They sit in silence; the only noise is the sound of Pandora drawing.  

“Have you heard from Regulus?”  

Pandora shakes her head. “Have you?” 

“No.” 

Another stilted silence.  

Pandora looks up and sighs. “Ok, what is it Ev?” 

Evan chews his lip. “I don’t know if it is right for me to ask.” 

“Just ask anyway and if I think I can answer I will.” 

“The thing with Regulus. How he used to be a girl. I don’t get it.” 

She blinks at him. “You don’t get what exactly?” 

“Why he changed to a boy.” Evan admitted. 

Pandora stood up and walked out of the room. Evan slumped back in his chair. Shit. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. He was about to follow her to apologize when she came back holding a bottle of something. 

“What’s that?” he asks, curious.  

Pandora gives the bottle a little shake. “Polyjuice potion.” 

“And why do you have it right now?” 

She uncorks the bottle and takes a strand of her hair, dropping it into the vial. “To show you what Regulus felt when he was a girl. Or something close to it anyway. Now drink.” 

Evan takes the bottle hesitantly. “It’s not poisoned, right?” 

Pandora snorts. “Now why would I poison you?” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know, my bold ignorance? Also, the fact you could be bored. You are quite manic sometimes with your experiments.” 

“It's not poisoned Evan.” 

He hummed and looked closely at the potion once again. Fuck it. He tipped it bac into his mouth and winced at the vile taste. “Tastes like earwax.” He muttered.  

“How would you know what that tastes like?” 

Evan shrugs. Pandora offers her hand and pulls him up. He can feel his body start to shift, his face starts to twist and morph into the one in front of him. His hair began to grow, and he started to shrink a few inches.  

Pandora pulled him by the hand through the corridors of the Rosier Manor. In the upstairs bathroom was a full-length mirror. When he looked in the mirror, a face that wasn’t his stared back. It was Pandora’s.  

“What do you see?” The girl in questions asked beside him. 

 “You.” He answered truthfully. 

“No, screw that. How do you feel when you look in the mirror?” 

Evan considered the question. He felt...foreign. Wrong. It wasn’t him. But in his mind, he knew it was. And that felt weird.  

“Strange.” He admitted.  

“When you look in the mirror, the person who looks back is you.” 

Evan shakes his head. “No. Not really.” 

“And how do you know that?” 

“Because I’m not a girl.” 

“But you have the body of a girl.” 

“But my mind isn’t a girl. I know I’m not one, even though I see one in the mirror. I’m really a boy. I don’t feel comfortable being or looking like a girl.” 

Pandora smiles slightly. “Do you understand now?” 

He blinks at her. “Understand what exactly?” 

She rolls her eyes. “What Regulus went through when he was a girl.” 

“Oh yeah.” Evan nods. “Yeah, I do now. I think.” 

“Right then. We just need to hide you from Mother and Father for the next few hours until it wears off.” 

“When exactly will it wear off?” Evan asks, apprehensively. 

“Two to three hours, give or take.” Pandora smiled. “Oh, calm down, it’s not that bad.” 

Evan scoffs. “Sure.” 

Pandora leads him into her bedroom and closes the door behind them. “Honestly I’m surprised you haven’t started feeling my tits yet.” 

Evan stares at her. “Number one, you're my sister and I would rather not continue on the family tradition of incest. Number two, why, exactly, would I do that?” 

She shrugs. “Typical boy behavior at your age. If it was Barty, his hands most likely wouldn’t part from them.” 

“Isn’t Barty gay?” 

Pandora shrugs. “Well yes there was that incident with Regulus, but what about the many times he has pined over girls?” 

Evan thinks. “It could have been an act?” 

“Or he could like both girls and boys.” Pandora suggests. 

Evan stares at her. “You can do that?” 

She laughs. “There are no rules about who you can or can’t like. You can like everyone; some people don’t like anyone. Some only like boys and some only like girls. Some like both. Some people like others but don’t feel anything sexually. Some people only like them for sex.” 

“Really?” 

Pandora nods. “Not many people are as accepting of it though. Society generally rules that boys have to like girls and vice versa. I don’t agree with that. Like whoever you want, it’s none of my business really.” 

Evan hums in thought.  

“Also, we’re meeting Barty tomorrow in Diagon Alley. Father said we could go. Be ready for 12pm.” 

“Okay.” Evan smiles at the thought of seeing Barty again. Despite it being only a few days since they last saw each other, he missed his best friend.  

That night he was tossing and turning, excited for the next day. Eventually he fell into a light sleep. 

Pandora, however, was sleeping soundly. Images began to flash into her mind. Another dream was starting. It was the same dream, of the person and the locket in the cave. The night prior was a surprise because she saw the outside of the cave. 

In this dream she was lucid. She checked her watch. It read to 8pm. A crack of apparition could barely be heard over the roaring wind and rushing waves. She saw the figure on the ledge.  

‘Take me over there.’ She thought to herself. Next thing, she was standing outside the cave. She followed the figure. She couldn’t touch it, nor could she speak. Its features were too blurry to distinguish, but she had had this dream for a while now and had reasons to believe that the figure was none other than Regulus. 

The same events played out. Regulus drinks the potion. He starts screaming. He fishes out the locket. He makes it disappear. He goes to the water. He drinks the water. He gets dragged in and doesn’t resurface.  

Then the water is supposed to turn into the sky, but this time it doesn’t. Instead, there are two children. A girl and a boy. They are laughing and playing. An older woman scolds them. The boy, frightened, turns into a dog and runs away. The girl tries to leave too but falls to the ground as her wrists begin to disintegrate.  

The scene changes. Now Pandora is in a forest. A cluster of animals are in a circle in front of her. There is a fox, a raccoon, a black cat, a raven and a ferret. She watches as the raven flies high into the sky. The cat then slinks off to the shadows. It doesn’t return. Then the ferret scampers into the trees. It doesn't return either. Then the fox goes. The raccoon is the only one left. It circles around, looking for its friends, before it’s caught in a trap. Unable to get free.  

Pandora is then in the Raven’s perspective. She is watching the raccoon wail and cry from her branch. Suddenly a low growl shifts her gaze. She is face to face with a wolf. It prowls along the branch. A stag, rat and dog watch from the base of the trunk. The same dog from earlier. The wolf pounces and Pandora wakes. 

She takes a few breaths and looks around her room. The sun has risen, so there is no need for her to try to go back to sleep. Instead, she grabs her journal and adds the new scenes from her dream into the many sketches she has made of her visions.  

A few hours later, after breakfast, she goes to take a shower. When showering, she finds something in her hair. Pandora pulls out a feather from her dreadlocks. A black feather. She stares at it. The black hairs standing out against her dark skin. What. The. Fuck.  

She shakes her head and tosses it in the bin. Must be some of Evan’s fucking around. She gets dressed and is ready by the time they must leave.  

“Evan!” She bangs on his door.  

He opens it, dressed too. “Merlin Panda, you’ll be the death of me some day. I’m ready, chill.” 

She glares at him. “Do not tell me to chill Evan Rosier or Merlin help me so-” 

“Ok!” Evan claps his hands together. “Let’s not keep Frizzy waiting.” 

The house elf in question was waiting by the front door when the twins descended the grand staircase. Pandora took her right hand and Evan her left.  

“To Diagon Alley please. Florean Fortescue’s.” Pandora informed her. 

Frizzy nodded and after a few seconds of nauseating apparition, they were standing outside the dainty ice cream shop. They could see Barty inside so decided to sit on one of the benches outside.  

Barty joined them after a while, carrying three ice cream cones. Strawberry for Pandora, Oreo for Evan and mint for Barty.  

“Well hello to my favorite Rosie and Posie.” He grinned devilishly at them.  

Pandora laughed. “Posie?” 

Barty sat down across from her, beside Evan. “Like Rosie but Evan is Rosie, and you have a P at the start of your name, so, Posie.” 

Pandora nodded. “Fair enough. How are you anyways?” 

Barty waved his hand. “Meh, bored. So, tell me all the juicy pureblood goss I have missed out on.” 

“Sirius refused the Dark Mark and got disowned so now Reg is the Black heir.” Evan supplied, staring at Barty’s arm.  

“Yes well, I know that bit. I have access to a newspaper.” 

“That’s just the surface level stuff. We visited Regulus on Christmas Day. He was in bad shape. He said that he had helped heal Sirius after he got tortured for refusing the Mark and then helped him escape. He then said to us that he physically couldn’t leave with the intention of not coming back due to some wards Walburga put up, and that he tried but didn’t tell Sirius because he figured it would be easier for Sirius to hate him than to know the truth and feel guilty or do something reckless.” Pandora elaborated.  

“Merlin’s saggy balls.” Barty breathed.  

Pandora took his arm and inspected the spot that Evan was staring at. She noticed a new burn mark. “Oh Barty, is your father at it again?” 

He looked down and his eyes widened. He pulled his arm back and nodded, not making eye contact with Pandora.  

Evan knew, of course. He felt angry, but mainly scared. Was that his doing? Were his problems making Barty’s worse? He should never have told him. He should have obliviated him. Now Barty was getting worse again and- 

“Ev?” Barty asked. “We’re all finished so I was thinking we could go to this antique store. They have loads of cool jewelry.” 

Evan nodded, his mind still racing. He stood up and followed the other two, feeling numb. Not real. When they reached the shop, Pandora spotted her friend Sybill inside, so she rushed in to talk with her.  

Barty pulled Evan inside and to a secluded spot in the corner.  

“Evan, listen to me, yeah?”  

Evan nodded. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t do it because of your problems. In no way was it your fault. It was my mother’s birthday on Christmas day and dad wasn’t around, so I just got really bogged down and needed a smoke. I just did it out of habit. Pure habit. It wasn’t triggered by you. Do you hear me?” 

Evan nodded again. It was ok. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t to blame.  

Barty pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

“Don’t apologize Barty.” He whispered back. “Are you ok now?” 

Barty pulled back and nodded. A tear slipped down from his cheek. Evan reached out and wiped it away.  

They stayed there for a few minutes while Barty composed himself. They found Pandora after a while and spent the next few hours wandering around the shops. Eventually they stopped in the Leaky for some food.  

“So.” Pandora started, digging into her salad. “What are you going to do about the Regulus situation?” 

Evan perked up. He had forgotten about that. For some reason the memory sent a spark of annoyance down his spine.  

Barty slumped. “I don’t know.” 

“Do you like him like that? Or was it just drunken impulse?” 

Evan watches as Barty looks out the window. “I like him like that. I have for a while.” He admits, quietly. 

“Do you want something with him?” Pandora continues. 

“A relationship? Yeah. But it’s obvious he doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Pandora shrugs. “You could be wrong; we all know how emotionally stunted of a bastard Regulus can be.” 

Evan nodded. “Thats true.” 

Barty sighs. “I don’t know.” 

“We also know what his family like.” Evan supplies. “He could be acting like he doesn’t want it for fear of his mother.” 

“Shit, what if he truly doesn’t like it at all. What if he’s homophobic?” Barty looks horrified. 

Pandora shakes her head. “He’s not homophobic Barty. He is very supportive of Dorcas, remember?” 

“Yeah, but, what if-”  

“Nuh uh.” Pandora cuts in, wagging her fork at him. “We’re not going to do the ‘what ifs’ right now. There is surely a very reasonable explanation as to why he ran like he did.” 

Evan squints at her. “Pandora, what do you know?” 

She smirks at him. “As if I’d tell any of you.” 

“You do know something.” Barty cries.  

“Maybe.” 

“What is it?”  

Pandora ignores him. “Come on Panda, please tell me, I’ll go insane not knowing.” 

Evan snorts. “You’re already insane, B” 

Barty flips him off, staring intently at Pandora.  

She eventually looks up and sighs. “I guess you’ll have to find out soon enough.” 

“Oh, come on.”  

Pandora laughs and doesn’t say anything else. 

Barty spends that night trying to figure out what she means, nothing strikes him. He guesses he will have to wait to figure it out.  

Chapter Text

Friday 5 th January 1976  

Regulus drags his feet through the corridor of the train sullenly. He got to their usual compartment and froze. Barty was there. Nope. Nuh uh. Not going to happen. As if on cue, the other boy met his eyes and shot up out of his seat. Regulus quickly turned and ran the other way, shoving past students who let out ignorant cries.  

He turned back to see some students parting way for someone. No doubt Barty. Regulus didn’t think and dove into the nearest compartment. He watched as Barty walked by, not even glancing at him. He let out a sigh of relief. Then, suddenly, Barty looked back. Regulus ducked out of sight, until he was gone.  

“Cunt.” He cursed under his breath at Barty. Someone cleared their throat behind him, and Regulus froze.  

He slowly turned around and met four pairs of eyes, all watching him with interest.  

Regulus sighs. “Lupin. Pettigrew. Potter.” He nods at them in turn. “Sirius.” He adds in a smaller voice, unable to meet his brother’s eyes.  

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but then the door to the compartment opened again.  

“Reg, please, we need to talk.”  

“No.”  

“Regulus please.”  

“Go away Barty.”  

“Regulus.” Barty whined. “Pandora said you’re being childish.”  

“I don’t care.”  

“Please.”  

Regulus blinked back the stinging in his eyes. “What do you want?”  

Barty takes a breath. “To apologize.”  

Regulus lets out a humorless laugh. “What do you have to apologize for? It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Nothing happened.”  

“Reg, no, you’re deflecting. It isn’t fine. I shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me. It was unfair on me.”  

Regulus met Barty’s eyes then. “Did you want to kiss me?”  

Barty falters for a minute. “I don’t know, it was impulse.”  

“Barty.”  

Barty shakes his head. “It was just, um, drunken words.” He snaps his fingers. “Yes, that’s right. Drunken words. It meant nothing.”  

And just like that Regulus’ heart crumbles. Nothing. It meant nothing. He meant nothing. “Right.” He bites out. He shoves past Barty, wiping his eyes as he goes.  

Barty stares after him in bewilderment. He turns back to Sirius and the others, who are all watching with wide eyes and dropped jaws. He shook his head. “I can’t fucking win with him. I dare him to kiss me, he gets pissed off. I tell him it means nothing; he gets pissed off.”  

Lupin clears his throat. “Maybe, just maybe, it didn’t mean nothing to him.”  

Barty stares at him. “So why did he get pissed off in the first place?”  

“Well.” Pettigrew pipes up. “The Blacks are known to be quite emotionally stunted. Case in hand here.” He gestures to Sirius.  

“Okay, fuck you too Wormtail.” Sirius bites back.  

Lupin coughs. “He’s not wrong.”  

The door swings open once again. “This is going to be the term I officially ask out Meadowes.” McKinnon cries as she barges in.  

“Why is everybody queer all of a sudden?” Barty asks in bewilderment.  

They all ignore him. “Wait Lupin, do you mean Regulus might like me back and is just scared?”  

Lupin rolls his eyes. “How thick are you Slytherins?”  

Barty scoffs. “As if the Gryffindors are any better. I have the highest grade in my year.”  

“Sure.”  

Barty turns to Sirius. “Any advice on how to get through to your brother?”  

Sirius glares at him. “He’s not my brother. He never was.”  

Barty holds up his hands in surrender. “Ok, Salazar’s slimy balls, you’re in a mood.”  

“Crouch.” Lupin calls.  

“Yeah?”  

“Get the fuck out.”  

Barty nodded. “Right, right, I’m going. Thanks for the advice, Loops.”  

Pandora watches as Barty rushes into the compartment. “Regulus isn’t here.”  

“Yeah, yeah. Listen. We were in Lupin’s compartment arguing. I said that it was all a drunken mistake and meant nothing-”  

Pandora exchanges a glance with Dorcas. They both shake their heads and roll their eyes. Dorcas pinches the bridge of her nose. Pandora stares at the ceiling in defeat. “Men.”  

“Right? Their brains are taken in substitute for a cock.” Dorcas replies.  

“Hey!” Evan cries. “What did we ever do to you?”  

“Exist.” Both answer simultaneously.  

“Well, if you two are the experts, what should I have said instead?” Barty asks.  

“Literally anything else.” Dorcas supplies.  

“Yeah. How would you like if the person you were in love with, I don’t know, slept with you and then pinned it all on a drunken mistake?” Pandora inquires.  

Barty holds up a finger. “That scenario is entirely different. A dare to kiss me is completely different to sleeping with me.”  

Pandora rolls her eyes. “Hypothetically, Barty, how would you feel?”  

He sighs. “Yeah, I’d be devastated if Reg did that to me.”  

“No, not Reg, the person you’re in love with.” Dorcas corrects.  

Barty laughs. “Dorky, you should know, they’re the same person.”  

Pandora’s eyes widen. Evan chokes on air and Dorcas cackles. “Oh, this is too good.”  

“What part, exactly, is good about this whole Shit-uation?” Barty asks, affronted.  

“Shit-uation?” Evan asks with a raised eyebrow.  

“Yeah, it’s a situation and it’s shit. Ergo, Shit-uation.”  

“Right...”  

“Anyways,” Barty continues, “Regulus got pissed again and pushed past me and I haven’t seen him since.”  

“I wonder why.” Pandora mutters. Dorcas snorts.  

“Barty, maybe just leave it for now, yeah? Give Reg some time to cool off before you do anything else that will contribute to his motive for murdering you in your sleep.”  

Barty’s eyes widen. “He wouldn’t actually, right?”  

Nobody said anything.  

“Right?” Barty repeats.  

Dorcas shrugs. “We all know he’s more than capable of doing so.”  

Barty gulps before sitting down beside Evan. He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the journey, just looking at the compartment door longingly.  

Regulus doesn’t appear for the feast that night, nor does he come back to the dorm. Dorcas exchanges a worrying glance with Pandora, before climbing into bed. Pandora bids the others goodnight before heading back to her own dorm.  

Regulus doesn’t appear the next day for breakfast either. Dorcas, Pandora and Evan all split up to look for him. After a few hours of searching the castle, top to bottom, they find nothing.  

“Maybe we should just leave it? I know we’re all worried about him, but it is Regulus. I pity anyone or anything that may pose a threat to him. He’ll show up when he’s ready.” Evan suggests through a mouth full of pasta. Dorcas picks at her salad as she takes in his words.  

“You’re probably right Ev, let him come to us. He’ll be fine. He’s powerful and ruthless. Always has been. Let’s not worry about him and move to a lighter topic, yeah?” Pandora nods.  

The others pick up a conversation about schoolwork. Dorcas finds herself tuning them out, instead staring at Marlene from across the hall. The blonde looks up after a moment and smirks when she meets Dorcas’ gaze, raising her eyebrow in a challenging manner. Dorcas blushes and focuses on her food. After a few moments she can feel Marlene’s stare shift away from her.  

Barty, who was sitting beside her, leans in. “You know, when I was in the Gryffindor’s compartment, McKinnon came bursting in announcing how this would be the term she asks you out.”     

 Dorcas slams her fork down. “Oh fuck no.”  

The twins turned their attention to her.  

“Ok, what happened just there?” Evan breaks the silence.  

“McKinnon’s planning on asking Dorcas out.” Barty announces.  

“And that’s a bad thing?” Pandora asks, an eyebrow raised.  

“Yes!” Dorcas cries. “If anyone’s getting asked out here, it’s her. I’m doing it first.”  

“Finally got your emotions in order then?” Pandora smirks.  

Dorcas blushes, remembering how she figured it out. “I may or may not have moaned her name when someone else was fucking me.”  

Evan choked on his drink and spat it everywhere. Barty just stared at her in stunned silence as Pandora dissolves into a fit of giggles. “Only you would, Dorcas.”  

She holds up her hands in surrender. “I didn’t do it on purpose!”  

“How the fuck have you lost your virginity before me? That’s not fair!” Barty cries.  

Dorcas snorts. “Guess you just have to sort your shit out with Reg then. Or else, you know, move on?”  

“I bloody well would sort the shit out if he weren’t so afraid of feelings. Emotion-phobic cunt”  

Dorcas can’t help but laugh at his statement. The others join in.  

“Now tell me, how does one go about asking another girl out?” She says once they have all calmed down.  

“You could get down on one knee?” Evan suggests.  

“I’m asking her to be my girlfriend, not proposing Ev.”  

“Ah yes, you’ll only realize you want her to be your wife when you say her name at the altar when you’re meant to be marrying someone else.” Pandora deadpans.  

Dorcas pins her with a glare as Barty falls into hysterics again. She jabs her fork into his hand.  

“Any other suggestions?” She asks.  

“You could do something romantic, ask her to Hogsmeade but instead go down to the clearing by the lake and have a picnic set up with fairy lights spelling out the question?” Pandora supplies.  

Dorcas shakes her head. “The next Hogsmeade is two weeks away, she might have asked me before then.”  

“Would it be so bad if she asked you?” Evan queries.  

“Yes.” She snaps. “It’s now a competition and I want to win.”   

“No wonder you’re a Slytherin then.”  

Dorcas flips him off.  

“You could ask to meet her in the astronomy tower and ask her there, it’s sort of romantic?” Barty says.  

Dorcas shakes her head again. “Too many couples use that place for sex, I don’t want to be interrupted. I also want it to be mundane and romantic, not have an underlying air of lust.”  

“Regulus has been rubbing off you with his poetry.” Barty mutters.  

“Reg writes poems?”  

“Mhm. Me and Ev teased her mercilessly when we found out.”  

“If I could find him, then I could get him to write a poem for Marlene and pretend it’s from me.”  

“Nope.” Pandora shakes her head. “Potter got him to do that when he asked out Evans. Reg told me.”  

“Dammit.” Dorcas sighs. “Too bad her and McKinnon are friends, if she knows then they all do.”  

“Also, the fact Regulus has been missing for the past nearly 24 hours. That could be an obstacle to that idea.” Barty pipes up.  

“Oh, shush you. Any more ideas?”  

“You could do the picnic thing Panda suggested, but at the Quidditch pitch instead? If we work fast, then we could set it up in time.” Evan raises an eyebrow.  

“That’s not a bad idea. Yeah, that could work. Let’s do it.”  

Pandora claps her hands together. “Yay. Ok, so, we need lanterns or candles of some sort. Food. A blanket. Flowers. Anything else?”  

Evan shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”  

Dorcas nods. “Nothing else. Her favorite flowers are dandelions, so they shouldn’t be so hard to get a hold on. Her favorite foods are salt and vinegar crisps, blueberry muffins and carrot cake. Again, not too hard to get a hold of. She likes hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.”  

“Salazar, you are obsessed with the girl.” Barty mutters.  

Dorcas stabs him again.  

Pandora surveys the hall. “Lily has gone. Probably to the library. We can get her to help. Dorcas, darling, follow me.”  

Before standing to follow Pandora, Dorcas turns to the two boys smirking at her. “Not a word is to be said about this to anyone. Do you understand me?”  

Evan swallows and nods. Barty pales and croaks out an agreement.  

Dorcas nods before joining Pandora. They walk to the library where, true to Pandora’s word, Evans is studying with Lupin.  

“Hi Lily” Pandora greets cheerily. Lily looks up and smiles at her. “Pandora, what can I do for you?”  

Pandora looks back at Dorcas, who suddenly feels very shy. “Dorcas has a favor to ask.”  

Dorcas glares at her. Pandora offers her sweetest smile and sits down. Dorcas follows suit. She turns to Evans and Lupin who are studying her with curiosity. She coughs. “Pandora will explain.”  

“Right so,” Pandora claps her hand, “Some point over the holidays Dorcas had sex.”  

“Fucking hell, not that bit!” Dorcas feels her face go red. Lupin snorts. “Makes two of us.”  

“Anyways,” Pandora clears her throat. “During that session of intimacy, Dorcas happened to moan Marlene’s name, leading her to figure out that she likes Marlene.”  

“Motherfucker.” Dorcas groans and covers her face with her hand.  

Pandora continues without shame. “Now Barty has said that Marlene is going to ask Dorcas out at some point this term.”  

“That little bitch.” Lupin huffs.  

“I would argue with you, but you’re right.” Dorcas retorts, earning a smirk.  

“Now Dorcas has this urge to turn everything into a competition and win, making her a great candidate for a Slytherin.”  

“I’m asking Marlene out tonight over a picnic at the Quidditch pitch. I need you to find a way to get her there for, say, half eight, without spoiling the surprise.” Dorcas blurts.  

Evans nods. “That shouldn’t be so hard. Her birthday party starts at ten, so you should have plenty of time.”  

Pandora turns to look at Dorcas. “It’s her birthday?”  

Dorcas nods.  

“You left out that bit!”  

“I included the thing about the carrot cake, no?”  

Pandora opens her mouth to argue but ends up shaking her head in a huff instead.  

“Have you gotten her anything for her birthday?” Lupin asks.  

Dorcas nods. “Eyeliner, nail polish. Oh, and I also managed to get my hands on a record of The Daughters of Eve.”  

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Fucking hell. That must have been impossible. At least now she can stop stealing Alice’s.”  

Lupin snorts. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Alice comes up to you personally for a heartfelt thank you.”  

Dorcas smiles. “And the Runaways are releasing their album in March, so I’ll give her that as a late birthday present too.”  

“Assuming she says yes, of course.” Lupin chips in.  

Dorcas’ stomach drops. What does he mean?  

“Remus.” Lily chides. “Stop making her worry for no reason.” She turns back to Dorcas. “Marls would be a fool to say no. She’s had a crush on you for ages.”  

Pandora hums. “We know.”  

Lupin quicks an eyebrow. “And ye didn’t tell the whole school?”  

She frowns. “Why would we do that?”  

“Ye’re Slytherins.”  

Dorcas rolls her eyes. “Yes, I’m so glad you noticed that the color of my tie determines my entire personality as a complete and utter bitch.”  

Pandora continues. “Just because some Slytherins are mean like that doesn’t mean they all are. Just like how most Gryffindors are good, not all will turn out to be.”  

Lupin nods. “Ok, I see that now. I’m sorry.”  

Dorcas nods back. “Good.”  

Evans clears her throat. “We should probably get back to work. Also, it should go without saying that if you hurt Marlene, you have the majority of our house to face.”  

“And yet you’re saying it. I would kill anyone who dares to even think of hurting her.” Dorcas replies firmly.  

Lily smiles. “Good. We’ll see you later so.”  

“Thanks Lily.” Pandora chirps as they leave the library.  

After a few hours of running around the castle, looking for things they could use, they finally have the blanket set up. Barty was currently laying out the different scented candles Pandora owned, and Evan was setting up the cake stand with treats. Pandora was weaving flower crowns with the dandelions and Dorcas was getting ready in the dungeons.  

When she arrived at the pitch, all the candles had been lit up, shining like stars on the ground in the night. As soon as she neared the blanket, she was surrounded with warmth.  

“I put up a heating charm. And a shield so the candles don’t get blown out. All you have to do now is sit there and look pretty. An easy feat for you. You look stunning by the way.” Pandora smiles at her.  

Dorcas smiles back. “Thank you.” She sits down elegantly on the blanket, being careful not to disturb the flowers.  

“I should get going now, darling, they’ll be here soon.” Pandora kisses the top of Dorcas’ head.  

“Wish me luck.” Dorcas calls.  

“You won’t need it considering you look like that right now. Even I’m weak in the knees.” Comes the response. Doras can’t help but laugh.  

After a few moments of silence, a voice breaks it. A voice that Dorcas loves.  

“Lily, it’s fucking freezing, couldn’t we have walked around the castle?”  

“Nope.”  

“Of fucking course. Lily fucking Evans everybody, she just loves to make life difficult.”  

“We can turn around now, but you’ll miss out on the surprise.”  

“Surprise?”  

“Mhm.”  

The girls come into view and Dorcas’ breath is taken away. Marlene’s cheeks are pink from the chill, her blond hair whipped from the wind. Her lips are chapped, and her eyeliner is smudged. She had never looked more beautiful.   

Lily grins at Dorcas before slipping away into the darkness, leaving Marlene staring at the scene in front of her.  

“Surprise.” Dorcas smiles and pats the space on the blanket next to her. Marlene makes her way over warily.  

“What is this?”  

“A picnic.”  

Marlene looks at Dorcas, and how she just wants to kiss her now. How she just wants to skip the pleasantries and the script she had memorized with Pandora and just grab Marlene’s face and bring her close. Instead, Dorcas holds up the gifts. “Happy Birthday.”  

Marlene’s mouth falls open in surprise. She gingerly takes the wrapped presents. “You did all this for me?”  

Dorcas shrugs. “I had help.”  

“Why?”  

“Why did I have help?”  

Marlene laughs slightly and shakes her head. “No, why did you do all this for me?”  

“Because you’re-” Dorcas falters. Dammit Marlene, stop going off script.  

“I’m?”  

“Marlene.” Dorcas winces at how stupid that sounded.  

“Yes, I’m aware of that.” Marlene laughs.  

Dorcas turns to her. Marlene’s hazel eyes are sparkling in the candlelight. Dorcas wants to die from how beautiful she looks.  

“It’s your birthday today.”  

“I am also aware of that.”  

“And this is what friends do for birthdays.”  

“Is it? Mary and Lily haven’t done this and they’re my best friends. Bitches.”  

Dorcas laughs and shakes her head. “I don’t want to be your friend.”  

Marlene blinks in surprise. “What? Why not? What did I do?”  

“Exist.”  

Marlene blinks again. Fuck, Dorcas was bad at this.  

“Well ok then, I guess I’ll leave you alone.” She moves to stand up, but Dorcas grabs her wrist.  

“Stay. That came out all wrong. You exist every day and you are always around me and you breathe, and we had fun at Hogsmeade. You’re funny and generous and kind and brave and bold and confident and I-I just can’t . I can’t stand there, at your side, as a friend, while you continue to be the most important and beautiful person on this Earth. I really like you Marlene, but I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t like you like that. Well, no, I- Fuck. I’m bad at this. I want to be your girlfriend.”  

Marlene stares at her. “Dorcas, don’t. Please. Don’t do this. Don’t play with my feelings like this.”  

“I’m not.” Dorcas ensures. “I’m not, I would never. I’m being genuine here. How can anybody look at you and get to know you and not fall in love with you?”  

Marlene shakes her head. “No, no this is cruel Dorcas. It’s too far for a prank.”  

When she meets Dorcas’ eyes, Dorcas’ heart breaks to see that she’s crying. “It’s not a prank Marlene.” She whispers softly. She reaches a hand out to cradle Marlene’s face. She wipes away a stray tear.  

Marlene watches her carefully. “You’re being serious?”  

Dorcas nods. “I will say it under veritaserum if you want me to. I’ll take the unbreakable vow. I’ll do anything if it means you and I can be together.”  

Marlene leans in so that their foreheads are touching. “Why?”  

“Because.”  

“Because?”  

“Because you’re Marlene. You’re Marlene motherfucking McKinnon and you’re the most perfect person in both Wizarding and Muggle worlds.”  

Marlene’s lips are so close. So fucking close. Dorcas would only have to move an inch and her lips would meet Marlene’s. But she waits. Waiting for permission.  

“Ask me again.” Marlene whispers.  

“Will you, Marlene, be my girlfriend?”  

“Yes.” The other girl breathes out.  

So Dorcas closes the gap. It’s different than with Maribel. Less lustful and more passionate. With feeling. With love. It carries a sense of apprehension. It’s their first kiss. A gateway to wonderful opportunities. An opening to trying new things. Testing the waters. It’s everything.  

Dorcas deepens the kiss and Marlene matches her enthusiasm by parting her lips. In the distance fireworks go off. The two girls break apart and watch as one writes out a message. ‘ABOUT FUCKING TIME MEADOWES!’  

“Fucking hell.” Dorcas groans. “Barty!”  

Marlene laughs. “It’s funny.”  

“Sure. I’m going to kill him later.”  

Marlene pulls Dorcas in for a peck on the lips and Dorcas’ brain short-circuits. “Come on, let’s eat. You’ve prepared quite a feast. Oh, carrot cake, my favorite.”  

“I know.”  

They dig in, eating and laughing. “So,” Marlene licks some whipped cream off her fingers, “how did you realize you had feelings for me?”  

“Oh, fucking hell, please don’t tell me Lily told you.”  

Marlene lets out a scoff. “So, Lily gets to know, and I don’t?”  

“It’s embarrassing.”  

“Oh, come on.” She drawls.  

Dorcas shakes her head.  

“I’ll tell you how I figured it out?”  

“You do that.”  

“I saw you, you were hugging Crouch, clinging onto his arm and I just got this overwhelming jealousy and then that day in the library, when I tripped and you caught me, I felt like I was going to physically combust. Then I noticed that I was always talking about you to my friends. What your makeup was like. What jewelry you wore. But it was the amortentia that confirmed it for me. Lily brewed some for the shits and giggles amongst the Gryffindor girls. I smelled you.”  

“I’m still not telling you how I figured it out.”  

Marlene rolled her eyes. “What? Did you, like, sleep with someone else and moan my name?”  

Dorcas squeaks, trying not to choke on her food. Marlene stares at her before throwing her head back and laughing. “Oh Merlin, you did!”  

Dorcas blushes. “You both have very similar names!” She protests.  

“What was their name? I’ll decide if they were similar or not.”  

“Maribel.”  

Marlene tuts. “And should I be jealous of this Maribel?”  

Dorcas shakes her head. “No. Not at all. She’s just a friend from home. She only fucked me because I was talking about you and then admitted I hadn’t done it before. She decided I had to have experience and offered. But under the condition of no feelings involved.”  

Marlene nods. “Okay, well, I hope you’re experienced enough to be good.”  

Dorcas blushes and has to, once again, stop herself from choking on her food.  

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Dorcas breaks it. “So, what does this mean?”  

“What?”  

“That I’m your girlfriend.”  

Marlene shrugs. “We can do whatever. I can introduce you to my friends, you can introduce me to yours, we can go on dates. Just once we don’t make it completely public, I’m down for anything.”  

Dorcas nods. “Fair enough.”  

Marlene leans in to kiss her again. “I’m glad to be your girlfriend, Dorcas Meadowes.”  

Dorcas hums. “Oh yeah? And why is that?”  

“Because.”  

Dorcas nods. “Because what?”  

Marlene pulls back enough to meet her eyes. “Because you’re Dorcas.”  

Dorcas laughs and closes the gap once again. For the next hour, they talk and eat. Whispering secrets into each other’s mouths. Their moment of solitude is broken when Lily walks up to them.  

“Sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds, but your party’s about to start Marls.”  

Marlene pouts but stands up, pulling Dorcas up with her. She turns to her. “Do you want to join us?”  

Dorcas shakes her head. “You go have fun with your friends, I have to clean up here and try to find Regulus, again.”  

Marlene smiles and kisses her again before going back over to Lily who is watching them with a fond smile. She glances back every so often while they walk away, and each time Dorcas is looking to see it.  

When they arrive back to the dorm, they see the curtains of Regulus’ bed drawn. Dorcas rushes over and peaks her head in. Regulus smiles and waves her in. She looks back at the others. Barty, who brought the picnic blanket back, smiled sadly. Pandora beamed full on; her hair decorated with dandelions. Evan was trying to juggle the candles but looked at the bed with nothing but relief.    

Dorcas clambered in and started to catch Regulus up on all he missed. Pandora joined them after a while. The three of them fell asleep together in Regulus’ bed that night.  

The next morning Dorcas woke up, buried under a mess of limbs. She wriggled out from underneath them, accidentally waking them both up in the process. Regulus flips her off before reluctantly getting up with them.  

Barty was sitting on his bed and perked up when he saw Regulus. Regulus swiftly turns to Dorcas. “Please inform Bartemius that I will not be talking to him and that I will cut out his tongue if he attempts to talk to me at all.”  

Dorcas freezes, but Regulus continues into the bathroom as if nothing happened. Barty sighs in defeat, deflating. Dorcas tuts and goes over to sit beside him. “He’ll come around eventually, just give him time, yeah?”  

Barty nods sullenly.  

The five of them walk to the great hall together. Regulus, pointedly not looking at Barty and switching seats with Pandora to ensure he would be the furthest away from him.  

The owls came flocking in after a while, delivering the mail. Pandora grabs a copy of the prophet and glances over the headline. “Fucking hell.”  

Barty and Evan exchange glances. “Did she just-” Evan started.  

“I think she did.” Barty grins. “Pandora just used a no-no word.”  

Evan faces Barty with pure delight on his face. “We’re corrupting her!”  

“Yippee!” Barty cries.  

Dorcas rolls her eyes and leans over to see the Prophet.  

MUGGLE VILLAGE ATTACKED BY DEATH EATERS. NO SURVIVORS  

“Fucking hell is right.” Dorcas breathes and reaches for the letter her mother sent.  

Dorcas, Mon cher,  

I am so, so sorry my love. The Death Eaters attacked the next village over. There were no survivors. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I know how friendly and close you were with Maribel.  

I must return home to meet your cousin. He got married last weekend. I’m sorry you can’t come.  

Talk to you later,  

Mum.  

Dorcas freezes. “The prophet.” She chokes out. “Does it have a list of the people who died?”  

“The ones with Wizarding connections, yeah.” Pandora answers.  

“Show me.” Dorcas orders.  

Pandora passes over the newspaper. Dorcas scanned the list until she found the name she was looking for.  

Maribel Amador-Morena  

“No.” Dorcas chokes out. “No, no, no!” She covers her mouth as she stares down at the newspaper. Beside Maribel’s name, was the reason she was listed. ‘Spotted with a witch attending Hogwarts.’ That was the motive, according to the Death Eaters. Dorcas had no doubt that she was the witch. It was all her fault.  

Dorcas squeezed her eyes shut as she felt an arm on her elbow, pulling her up and out of the Great Hall. Another hand holding her own. Four pairs of footsteps surrounding her. The tears began to fall. Chocked sobs escaping her lips. Her whole body was shaking. She couldn’t breathe. It was all her fault. All. Her. Fault.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts Saturday, 13th January 1976  

The room was dark when Dorcas opened her eyes. Whispered voices stirred her out of her sleep induced daze. The real world came crashing down on her. Like the weight of a hundred anvils pressing on her chest. She couldn’t breathe. The heaviness of her guilt was strangling her. Her grief, choking her.  

She reached a heavy hand up to scrub her eyes. As if doing so as hard as she could, could erase the memory of that headline. Of that one name that brought her world crashing down. Your fault. The voices in her head screamed at her. Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault. All. Your. Fault. Your fault. Your fault, your fault, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours, yours-  

“Dorcas.” Pandora’s voice broke the ones lamenting in her head. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”  

The whispering stopped. Just as well. It was too similar to her mind at the moment. Footsteps shuffling around the room took its place.  

A warm hand caressed her face. The coolness of Pandora’s rings contrasting Dorcas’ burning skin. The jingle of her bracelets constantly knocking off one another.   

Another hand took hers and held it. Definitely Regulus. His hand was cold, as always. His rings interlocking with her fingers. “Marlene has been asking after you.” he says quietly.  

Dorcas sighed. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure who she was talking to. Pandora and Regulus. Marlene. Maribel. Herself.  

“Do you want to see her?” Pandora asked instead.  

Dorcas thought about it. “Yeah. I do. But I don’t want to leave here.”  

“That’s alright. Reg can go get her now if you want? Barty and Ev are gone getting you some food. You don’t have to eat it. Just if you’re hungry. Try eat something at least.”  

Dorcas nodded. “I want to take a shower.”  

She could hear Pandora’s smile in her voice. “That’s good, you probably need one. Do you want me to help you in any way?”  

She hesitated. “Can you, can you just sit on the toilet seat and chat away? I don’t want to be alone in my head right now. A distraction would be helpful.”  

“Of course I can.” Pandora leaned over to press a soft kiss to Dorcas’ forehead. Regulus let go of her hand and cleared his throat.  

“If you want, I can start on your homework that you missed? I’ve done all mine. And then when you’re done with your shower, I can get Marlene while you try eat?”  

Dorcas smiled softly. “That would be helpful, thanks Reg.”  

Regulus nodded and started looking through Dorcas’ books. Although she was a year ahead of him, he found it easy to do her homework. They had most of the same classes, so it was easy work.  

Pandora led Dorcas into the bathroom. Regulus heard the shower start and Pandora start to talk away. She managed to draw a few quiet laughs from Dorcas, he had to strain to hear them, but they were there. That was good, he suspected.  

It wasn’t long before Barty and Evan returned. “Hey Regulus.” Evan greeted once he entered the dorm.  

“Hey Ev.”  

Barty cleared his throat. Regulus ignored him.  

Soon after the girls came back. Dorcas was looking a bit healthier and energized. Also, good. She had taken her braids out and Pandora sat her down to redo them while she picked at her food.  

“I’ll fetch McKinnon when I’m done with your essay for charms.” Regulus informed her, tapping the parchment in front of him. Dorcas nodded which Pandora lightly scolded her playfully for.  

After half an hour of quiet chatter, they tried not to be too rowdy for Dorcas’ sake, Regulus had eventually finished the essay. He nabbed an eclair and ate it while he tidied Dorcas’ stuff away.  

“Thanks Reg, I really appreciate you doing all this for me.” Dorcas smiled up at him.  

“You would do it for me.” He smiled back.  

“Without hesitation.”  

Pandora smiled as she finished off yet another braid. She had made a lot of progress in such a short time.  

Regulus stood up and stretched. He could feel Barty’s eyes on him but ignored it. He did a lot of that lately when it came to him. “I suppose I’ll get McKinnon now. Are you alright with her coming back here?”  

Dorcas contemplated it. “Yeah, but I would like it if it was just us two. And, well, Pandora since she can’t exactly stop doing my hair.”  

“Don’t worry darling, I’ll have it done within another two hours at the most. You asked for an easy style.” Pandora murmured with a comb in her mouth while she started the next one.  

“I suppose that’s our cue to leave then.” Evan piped up. “Barty? Wanna go for a smoke?”  

Barty nodded and glanced at Regulus who purposefully diverted his eyes away. “Let me just grab my things.”  

“I won’t be too long.” Regulus offered as he left the dorm room.  

Finding McKinnon wouldn’t be too hard. Her friends were all over the castle. He managed to ask Lupin, whom he found in the library, where she was. He informed him that she was in the courtyard. Of course, she was hanging out with Sirius at that very moment. The muggle-born, Macdonald, sat on his brother’s lap. Regulus rolled his eyes at the PDA.  

Potter joined them after a minute, hand in hand with Evans. Something about seeing them two together made an unpleasant feeling arise in Regulus’ chest. Ugh. Feelings. Pesky little shits, they are.  

Summoning up his courage he made his way towards the group. He wanted to turn the other way and run away from his brother, but he resisted. For Dorcas , he reminded himself.  

Potter spotted him first. He smiled. “Hey Regulus, how are you?”  

Sirius looked up at that and glared at him. “Don’t talk to him.” He ordered Potter who rolled his eyes at his dramatics.  

All eyes were on him now. He took a deep breath and bit back a few choice words towards his brother, instead looking at the blonde beside him.  

“McKinnon.”  

She raised an eyebrow. “Baby Black.”  

“Don’t-” He started but cut himself off. For Dorcas. “ Dorcas wants to see you, but she doesn’t want to leave our dorm. She asked me to ask you if you would like to go down there. Pandora is the only one with her at the moment since she’s doing Dorcas’ hair but soon after it will only be you two.”  

McKinnon jumped up immediately. “Lead the way.” She instructed boldly.  

“Marls.” Sirius spoke up, a warning in his voice.  

“Oh, relax Sirius. I’m far from a damsel in distress, I can take care of myself. Now, I am going to see my girlfriend so I would appreciate if you would stop with the misogyny.”  

Sirius seemed taken aback by her words but relented, nonetheless.  

Regulus sighed but started walking back in the direction of the dungeons. “Not many were in the common room, only a few snotty first years. You should be fine to go up into our dorm unnoticed.”  

McKinnon looked at him. “You dorm with Dorcas? I thought boys and girls weren’t allowed to do that?”  

Regulus sighed. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t give a shit about the rules. But, unlike my brother, I don’t get caught breaking them. And yes, Dorcas dorms with us since her previous dormmates are a bunch of cunts, but none of the teachers know about it. I would appreciate if it stays that way.”   

McKinnon regards him carefully. “You care about her.”  

Regulus scoffs. “Of course I do, she’s like a sister to me.”  

“I never thought I’d see the day where Regulus Black admitted to caring about someone.” She mused.  

“Again, contrary to most people’s belief, including Sirius’, I am not a stone-cold bitch.”  

“So why did you stay instead of leaving with Sirius?”  

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Regulus wants to bite her head off, but he would like his attached, which it wouldn’t if Dorcas found out that he did. Instead, he must repress himself from speaking until he calms down.  

“I didn’t have a choice.” He grits out.  

McKinnon scoffs. “Of course you do.”  

“No. I don’t. I have nowhere to go, but even if I did, I can’t physically leave that house with the intention of never coming back.”  

“What do you mean?”  

“It’s none of your business.”  

McKinnon laughs. “Fair enough. I was waiting to see how long it would take you to crack.”  

Regulus rolls his eyes. By now they have reached the dungeons. He says the password and peaks inside the common room. It was fairly deserted except for the same two first years by the fireplace.  

“Coast is clear. Come on.” He orders, leading her inside.  

She looks around as they enter. “Creepy. Not surprised, it fits your aesthetic perfectly.”  

Regulus didn’t know how Dorcas could stand her constant chatter and comments. Then again, Dorcas was very different to him. And a lot less emotionally stunted. Lucky bitch.  

He leads her up to the dorm. “We’re back.” He announces dryly.  

Dorcas snaps her head up and breaks into a smile. McKinnon smiles back and makes her way over to her, giving her a quick peck on the lips. Regulus wrinkles his nose at the affection. Pandora regards him.  

“The fact she is still in one piece surprises me.” She comments.  

“It was quite hard, believe me, but I don’t think Dorcas would take it kindly if I murdered her girlfriend.” He remarked.  

McKinnon looks over at him. “You couldn’t if you tried.”  

He raises an eyebrow and looks at her coldly. “Wanna bet?”  

She merely smirks.  

“Okay.” Dorcas interrupts. “Regulus, thanks again, now, fuck off.”  

Regulus rolls his eyes, trying not to smile. He grabbed his journal of poetry. He had picked up the habit again and used it to occupy his mind when he was bored. A step of precaution to ensure he doesn’t get lost in his thoughts.  

He made his way back to the courtyard, hoping that his brother would have vacated it by now. Of course, he would not be so lucky. He contemplated turning back but refused. He wouldn’t let his brother dictate his life. So, he sat in one of the alcoves looking over the area, away from the throng of students surrounding the fountain in various groups, laughing and talking in peace.  

How Regulus craved for a life like that. How Regulus craved a life where he could be himself instead of worrying about who others see him with, for fear of it getting back to his parents. How Regulus craved a life where he didn’t have to worry about hiding his feelings of sadness, anger, desperation behind forced hysterical laughter. A new habit he had picked up on since being cursed over Christmas.  

He picks up his quill and begins to write.  

I weave a web of lies,  

And paint it on my face.  

A scowl to hide the pain,  

A mask to hide the tearstains.  

I dwell in silence,  

And writhe in anguish.  

My pleas, ignored  

So, I return to the cold.  

I weave a fucked-up tapestry of deceit,  

I steal, lie and cheat.  

Do it all for my family,  

So, they don’t see the real me.  

If they caught a glimpse of that person,  

They'd be angry beyond reason,  

They would enforce my life to rest,  

And if so, I wouldn’t care less.  

I weave a web of lies  

To cover the battlefield that is my torn heart,  

A scowl to hide the pain  

A mask to hide the scars.  

He stares at the stanzas, too caught up in organizing his thoughts to recognize what he was writing. As he reads over it, some part of him breaks and heals at the same time. Breaking at the fact that this is his truth and always will be. Healing at the fact that he can recognize the writing as his ow, that he is not so far past the line that he forgets his entire being.  

A strange sort of pride fills him. He would never show this to anyone, but if the whole world could read it, they’d appreciate how good the writing is. Maybe some would delve into the message, the plea or release, and realize he is not the picture his brother paints of him. He is not what his family want for their son. Maybe they would see him for who he is. Maybe, just maybe, they could love him.  

Now that is a strange concept. Nobody can truly love a Black. The family madness can only be seen in the cracks once you get close. Not that he would let someone that close. Not that Regulus would choose to be that vulnerable. But if they saw the cracks through his writing, maybe they could fall in love with the words. With the message. Maybe they could see him for his poems instead of a broken child, whose cracks have been molded to be a carbon copy of his parents.  

“Regulus.” A voice breaks him out of his mind. He slams his journal shut. The name wrang around in his ears. Regulus, Sirius had called him. Not Reggie. If there was anyone who Regulus would allow use the nickname, it would be his brother. The fact he was now Regulus hurt him. He looks up to face his brother.  

“Can I help you?” Regulus’ voice is cold. Unwavering. Forced. All he wants to do is break down in Sirius’ arms. To tell him everything that he doesn’t know. But he made his choice to hide it from him, avoid breaking him further. No matter how much it hurts for Regulus to know his brother hates him, it would hurt Sirius more to know why he shouldn’t.  

Sirius clears his throat. “Can we- erm, can we talk?”  

Regulus wants to jump at the opportunity. “Why?” He says instead.  

“I just- I have left it too long without fully asking you.”  

“Ask me what?”  

Sirius rubs the back of his neck. “Why did you stay?”  

Regulus sighs. He opts for a half-truth instead of telling Sirius the real reason. “I have nowhere to go.”  

“Yes, you do.” Sirius argues. “You could have come with me to the Potters.”  

“No.”  

“Why not?”  

“They’re your family Sirius. Not mine.”  

Sirius stills for a minute. “They don’t have to be for you to live with them. They don’t mind. Effie told me to tell you that you always have a place in their home.”  

Home. The Potters’ home. Not a house. A home. And if the school’s so-called ‘Golden Boy’ was anything like his parents’, it sounded like a wonderful home. A home Regulus wished he had the courtesy of living in. Alas, he was not that lucky. He never was.  

Regulus looked down at his journal, tracing the picture on the front of it. It was a landscaped scene. A cave surrounded by the sea. Regulus loved the picture. It reminded him that there could be beauty in the rough. Tranquility in the wildness.  

“I’m sorry Sirius.” The words spilled from his mouth. They could mean many things. He was sorry for not being a good enough brother. For taking that stupid vow and losing his brother. For never telling him how much he loved him. For being fucked-up in his head. For not rebelling against his parents more. For not healing Sirius enough. For being everything Sirius hated.  

Sirius’ desperate gaze hardened. “Right, I see how it is. You're choosing them. Over me. I’m your brother, Regulus for fuck’s sake.”  

Unable to help himself, Regulus snapped back. “You may be my brother, but I’m not yours! I never was! Not to you anyways.”  

“Not anymore! If you had come with me-”  

“I can’t Sirius! I don’t have a choice.” Regulus wasn’t sure where these words were coming from, but it felt good to unload them. “You were the heir, and I was the spare. They need me now that you’re gone. Why do you think they haven’t come to drag you back? I stayed so you could leave. I chose imprisonment so you could have your freedom! I’m surviving so you can live! If I leave, I die. And then she would go for you, and you would get yourself killed in the process.”  

Regulus is distantly aware of the growing attention on them. Trust Sirius to make a scene. Potter was now beside Sirius, Evan’s holding her boyfriend’s hand. Regulus wished he had that kind of back up. Then Barty appeared beside him. Fucking wonderful. Though it was better than nobody, so he didn’t protest.  

Sirius opens his mouth to speak. “I would have killed myself if I had to stay there, don’t blame me for leaving if you value my life so much because I would have taken it without hesitation if I had to be trapped for much longer.”  

“I tried!” Regulus shouted, tears in his eyes. “I tried to kill myself, because I don’t want to live in a universe where you don’t consider me a brother.” It was true. Before Regulus returned to Hogwarts, he had tried to slit his wrists again. Repeating his actions from when he was a girl.  

Sirius shut up for a minute out of shock. “Well, maybe I would consider you as a brother if you were a real boy.” He spat once he had regained himself.  

Regulus felt his heart go heavy. The world went dead around him. He felt the blood rush to his head, leaving him dizzy. His surroundings were veiled in a white haze. All he could focus on now was Sirius. The tears building up in his eyes had overflowed, trailing down his cheeks.  

Sirius seemed to realize his mistake. “Regulus, I’m sorry-”  

Regulus held up his hand, cutting his brother off. “Just remember Sirius, this is my sacrifice. You asked me before to be braver, and to take hits for you like you did for me. This is me doing this, so you never have to take another hit again. I’m staying and living a life I don’t want so that you can finally be free, stop being so fucking blind and look at me. Look at me, as Reggie. Your Reggie. Not our parents’ son, Regulus. As your little Reggie. That’s what you used to call me, remember. See me like that, not a monster. I’m not a monster. I’d die for you. Fuck, I am!”  

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a scream. Regulus froze. It was a noise he would have prayed that he would never hear. A noise of pure anguish from the one person who never deserved to be hurt.  

Barty recognized it too. “Pandora.” He whispered before taking off in the direction of it, Regulus hot on his heels.  

When they arrived at the scene down by the forbidden forest, Regulus saw red. Literally. Blood was pooling around an unmoving body, staining before. Pandora stood over it, mouth covered by her hands. Avery, Mulciber, Wilkes and Nott were sending flashes of lights everywhere. Snape was standing with his wand pointed at the body, which was quickly bleeding out.  

“Stupefy,” Regulus yelled. Snape flew back and hit one of the backs of a tree. Battling the other boys, were Dorcas and McKinnon. Barty joined the duel as Regulus rushed over to Pandora. Now that he was closer, he could see who it was on the ground. Evan.  

He dropped down on his knees and immediately started putting pressure on some of the gashes. He recognized this curse. It was used on Sirius. Sectumsempra. In his haze of panic, he forgot the reverse incantation for the curse. Potter and Evans had followed them, Potter dropped to his knees across from Regulus and Evans directing Pandora away from the scene.  

“What do we need to do? Regulus!” James snapped his fingers in front of Regulus’ face. “I know you’re panicking but you need to concentrate. I don’t know how to heal him, but you’re smart enough to know.”  

The praise stirred something inside Regulus’ brain. Right. He was good enough to fix this.  

“Pandora” He called. “I need my potions kit. You know where it is. Can you fetch it for me? Evans go with her; she might need help bringing it all back.”  

The two girls nodded and sprinted off in the direction of the castle.  

“Right Potter, take off your shirt.”  

“Excuse me?”  

“Ugh, take it off and tear it in to strips to stem some of the bleeding.” He ordered.  

Potter nodded and Regulus had to stop himself from staring at the other boy’s abs. Seriously, it was a crime how good-looking he was.  

Regulus started drawing his wand over some of the smaller cuts muttering random healing spells. None of them worked properly. Some only held for a few minutes before the cuts opened again. They were far away from the castle that no teachers were around to help them. Nobody was available to call for one.  

An idea sparked Regulus. He looked up to where the fighting was. Barty, Sirius, McKinnon and Black against Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes and Nott. An even fight. Although the Gryffindors only used defensive charms. Dorcas and Barty had no qualms about doing so and kept firing hexes and curses left and right. Regulus smiled with pride.  

“Potter go join the fight. Take out one of the others. Try for Mulciber. Then get Barty over here and go to the greenhouses. Get me Moonflower petals, Bulbar sap and Mandrake roots.”  

Potter nodded and within a few minutes Barty was at Regulus’ side. He immediately got to work, using more complicated spells, that held for longer, though not enough. Potter rushed back with the requested plants and Regulus took them. He crushed them with his fingers and mixed them in the palm of his hand.  

He tipped some of it down Evan’s throat and used the rest of it to close the cuts. This held better.  

“Potter, drag Snape over here.”  

James looked confused but did as he was told. While Barty was still fixing some of the wounds, Regulus turned to Snape. “Reniverate.”  

Snape woke up. Regulus didn’t hesitate to bind his flailing body. He held his wand to his throat. “What is the counter-curse?”  

“Vulnus Claudere.” Snape asnswered. Not like he had a choice not to.  

Regulus was taken aback. “Really? That’s not how I remember it.”  

“It will work all the same, it translates-”  

“I know what it translates to.” Regulus snapped.  

Barty was now using it on Evan. It was working. Regulus rushed over to help. Pandora and Evans returned with the potions then. Once Regulus and Barty had finished with the bleeding, Regulus grabbed the potions. He stuffed blood replenishing potions down Evan’s throat.  

“I swear I had more of these.” He muttered.  

Barty blushed.  

“Oh, for fucks sake Barty, what did you use them for?”  

“I turned them in for my assignment before Christmas.”  

“Of fucking course, you did. Never mind. Evan should be fine now. He needs to go to the infirmary though.”  

“I’ll take him. I’m strong enough to carry him.” Potter offered.  

Regulus nodded. “Be careful.”  

“I’ll go too.” Pandora sniffed.  

“Pandora-”  

She shook her head. “He’s my brother, I want to know if he’ll be ok.”  

Regulus sighed and nodded. Evans looped her arm through Pandora’s and led her up to the castle, following James who had already started.  

Barty stood up with his wand in hand, ready to join the fight again. Regulus went to follow him, but his knees buckled out from underneath him. He was too weak from all the healing spells.  

His head grew busy. The noise of the duel fading into the background. Voices of his parents and brother floated around in his mind. The argument- Well that was the loudest one. ‘Maybe I’d consider you a brother if you were a real boy.’ Sirius had said. He had announced it to the entire audience there. Regulus was in trouble. He knew that for sure.  

He vaguely registered a curse being shot at the tree behind him.  

“Regulus!” Barty shrieked. He ran over and pushed Regulus out of the way just in time for the tree to fall on his legs. Regulus was now sandwiched between Barty, who was pinned down by the tree and the ground.  

He was unharmed though the snap of bones could be heard clearly, which meant it must have been Barty who was hurt.  

“Motherfucker, my legs, Argh!” Barty tried to wriggle out from underneath the heavy branches.  

“Barty, don’t you’ll do more damage if you do. Stop moving.”  

Barty obliged and turned back to Regulus, underneath him. “Guess we’re stuck here for another while.”  

Regulus glared at him. “You fucking idiot.”  

Barty raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather have died?”  

“No, not really, but you could have.”  

“Would that be so bad?”  

“Yes!” Regulus protested.  

“Why?” Barty asked.  

“Just, because!”  

Barty chuckled. “Right.” He turned back to the duel just in time to see Dorcas hit Avery with a knockback spell. The other boy flew into the door of the greenhouse and slumped to the ground, unconscious. “Nice one Dorky!” He called.  

Dorcas looked over at him and raised her eyebrows when she saw the position he was in. He flipped her off.  

Regulus stared at the boy on top of him. How could he be so fucking hot even at a time like this. Barty, as if sensing his gaze, turned to meet his eyes. “What?” He asked.  

Regulus didn’t know what spurred him to do what he did next. It was stupid and reckless, but the only people left to witness it were his brother, best friend and her girlfriend. He put his hands and Barty’s cheeks and pulled him close.  

The noise in his brain quietened. He was kissing Barty. He, Regulus Black was kissing Barty Crouch Jr. His best friend of four years. Barty froze for a minute but then kissed him back. Barty was kissing him, and he was kissing Barty.  

“Well, that is a plot twist I did not see coming.” McKinnon stated.  

“Fucking finally!” Dorcas cheered.  

Sirius didn’t say anything, just stood there in shock as Regulus snogged the life out of Barty.  

Regulus was enjoying himself. He liked kissing Barty. There was passion there. He let out an embarrassing whine of dissatisfaction when Barty pulled away.  

“As fun as that was, we should probably rein it in until we talk about it.”  

“But I don’t like talking.” Regulus protested.  

Barty laughed. “Yes, I know. Doesn’t mean we can’t kiss again.”  

Regulus huffed.  

“We also should probably get out from under this tree.”  

“Right.” Regulus patted the ground around him for his wand. He raised it when he found it. “Wingardium Leviosa.” The tree floated off Barty’s legs and Regulus dragged him out of there before letting it fall again.  

“Can you walk?”  

“I broke both my fucking legs, of course not.” Barty replied, annoyed.  

Regulus hummed. “Easy fix.”  

He aimed his wand at Barty’s legs and had them healed in an instant. “You’ll have a slight limp until Pomfrey gets a look at you, but you’ll be fine.”  

Barty stared at him. “How do you know all those healing spells?”  

Regulus couldn’t help but glance over at Sirius who deliberately avoided his gaze.  

“Ah.” Regulus turned back to Barty who had a sad smile on his face.  

“Mr. Crouch. Mr. Black. Sirius. Ms. McKinnon. Ms. Meadowes.” McGonagall’s stern voice rang around the area.  

“Hi Minnie.” Sirius smiled cheerily. McGonagall’s face softened a bit. “My office, now! All of you.”   

Slughorn trailed after her with Madame Pomfrey. “Is Evan-” Barty started.  

“Mr. Rosier is fine my dear, best you follow Minerva now. You can visit him later.” She smiled kindly at him.  

The potion’s master and nurse took to the task of healing the five boys all lying on the ground. The last thing Barty saw when he looked off was them all glaring at him, bar Pomfrey and Slughorn. He stuck out his tongue and them and smirked when Regulus elbowed him, before running to catch up with the others. This was going to be an even longer day than it was already.  

Chapter Text

Hogwarts 14 th January 1976  

Regulus stood in front of the bathroom mirror, tears streaming down his face. Tears he couldn’t hold back. Although it hadn’t been that long, life at Grimmauld place was different without Sirius. Regulus missed his brother greatly. The house was more cold and more empty, almost completely silent. It was unnerving. Ever since the incident of him being tortured, Walburga had stayed away from him, shooting him fearful looks whenever they were in each other’s presence.  

He was dressed up now in stuffy, tight dress robes that made it hard to breathe. Or maybe that was just the panic settling in. He couldn’t do this. It was too hard. How was he supposed to go out and act like the perfect heir when his world had been tilted off axis, no longer spinning?  

The New Years party was a great meeting for most of the sacred twenty-eight to gather and discuss plans surrounding the dark lord. Regulus had to attend. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything anymore. It wasn’t worth it. Sirius’s unintentionally cruel words a few days ago rang in his mind. He would never be a real boy. Always a girl, no matter how much he protested, his body wouldn’t listen. He had pleaded time and time again for his mother to do more. She said it was impossible and even if not, she wouldn’t feed into any of his delusions, only doing as much as she had due to the vow.   

Regulus raised the tip of his wand to his temple, intending to erase the memories of him panicking so his mother wouldn’t find out. His sleeve fell down. Long red gashes lined his forearms. Another thought crossed his mind. There would be an easier way to escape after all. An easier way to get out. He steeled himself and looked back at the mirror.  

A broken shell of a person stared back at him. HIs smile hollow. His eyes brimming with sorrow. He took a deep breath and pressed his wand harder to his head.  

“Avada Kedavra.” He whispered.  

Regulus woke with a jolt, shaking off the remaining panic from his nightmare. Or well, more accurately, memory. He threw his blanket off him, suddenly too hot for his own body.  

Creeping out of bed, he made his way silently to the bathroom door, intending to splash his face with cold water. He regretted looking in the mirror above the sink once he did. He looked just as he had on the night of New Years. He remembered what happened after he cast the spell.  

Nothing.  

Nothing had happened. Regulus was extremely confused when he stayed staring at his reflection. His cousin’s words had rung in his ears from when she was training him to use the Unforgivables. ‘ You have to mean it Reggie.’ Bellatrix had hissed when he failed to cast the cruciatus curse on a baby rabbit.  

But he did mean it, didn’t he?  

Obviously not.  

Regulus gripped onto the sink for support as he hung his head in shame and anguish. The door creaked open behind him. He looked up to see Barty enter cautiously. “Reg, hi.” He whispered. “You alright?”  

Regulus huffed. “What do you think?”  

Barty paused. “Is that a rhetorical question or am I supposed to answer? Because if you want an answer, I would say you look like shit.”  

A startled laugh escaped Regulus. “Wow, thanks.”  

Barty grinned, more comfortable now. “You're welcome, may I come in?”  

Regulus sighed. “I suppose.”  

Barty closed the door behind him and locked it before plonking his arse down inside the bathtub. Regulus just looked at him. “Why are you sitting there?”  

Barty shrugged. “It’s not like there’s anywhere else, I thought I’d be a gentleman and offer you the toilet.”  

Regulus felt the corners of his mouth twitch and had to wrestle with his facial muscles to stop himself from smiling like an idiot.  

“So.” Barty began. “What’s got you all bogged down?”  

Regulus shook his head. He didn’t want to go into detail. “Nightmare.” He admitted.  

“Ah.”  

Barty was silent for a minute. A whole minute. Should be a world record for him. “You’re brother?”  

Regulus startled. “Sorry?”  

“The nightmare. Was it triggered by the fight with your brother earlier?”  

He hesitated but nodded. Barty didn’t say much more. “I’m sensing you don’t want to talk about it.” 
Regulus smiled gratefully at him but dropped it when Barty continued.  

“We do need to talk though.”  

“No, we don’t.” He protested immediately.  

Barty sighed. “Regulus, we have been dancing around each other since before the holidays-”  

“And whose fault is that?” Regulus shot back. Barty ignored him.  

“You kissed me earlier. I want to know what it means to you. It's not fair to either of us to pretend it didn’t happen.”  

Regulus shook his head. “How is it unfair exactly?”  

“I know you struggle with your emotions, but it seems to be something you want. I want it too; I have for a while.”  

“You said after Christmas that it had meant nothing when you dared me to.”  

Barty threw his hands up. “I know. And I lied. And I’m an idiot. But I thought the reason you ran a way was because you didn’t want it, but after that I realized that maybe you do, and you were just scared.”  

“I’m not scared.” Regulus scoffed. “What would I have to be scared of?” He aimed for it to be biting but felt his voice waver. Motherfucker.  

Barty raised an eyebrow. “You’re scared of feelings in general. But there’s also the fear of what could happen to you if your family found out. You’ve been my best friend for four years, Reg, I know you.”  

“Best friend?” Regulus asked. His voice, small. Pathetic.  

Barty rolled his eyes. “If you would just talk to me, we could be more.”  

Regulus pauses. “Fine, you want to communicate so badly? Start talking then.”  

Barty nods and gestures for Regulus to take a seat.  

“I’m not sitting on a manky toilet.”  

“The lid is closed for fuck’s sake.”  

“Still.” Regulus wrinkled his nose. “I’ll just stand.”  

Barty rolled his eyes. “Right, so. I don’t know. I’m queer, but I’m not.”  

“What?”  

“I’m not a queer, but I like you. I like girls. You’re a boy.”  

“Um- You know what, sure. People can like both Barty.”  

“I know. And I respect that. But I’m not queer.”  

Regulus could feel a migraine coming on. “But you like me.”  

“Exactly.”  

“Right.”  

“I want to date you. I want to cuddle with you. I want to kiss you. I want you in general. Sex is a bonus of course but if you don’t want to then I’ll respect that, unlike some people.” Barty muttered the last bit angrily.  

“What?”  

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”  

“Right, continue.”  

Barty stares at him. “I didn’t fucking prepare a speech, that’s it you pretentious bastard.”  

Regulus smirks. “Fuck off.”  

“Now.” Barty nods. “You’re turn. Feelings, explain them to me. Go.”  

Regulus opens and closes his mouth a few times like a fish. “I don’t know.”  

“Try.”  

“I guess- I guess I want to, um, kiss you.” Regulus’ cheeks flare up with embarrassment. “I want, I want to be with you on a closer level, like how you are with Evan. Well not really all the cuddling and shit but I want that kind of bond, just as your boyfriend.”  

Barty nodded. “Got it, no excessive snuggling. Anything else.”  

“No sex. No wandering hands. No hickeys. Just kissing. For now.”  

Barty nodded again. “That’s doable.”  

“I have a secret I need to share with you before we move onto that but I’m not ready to tell you yet.”  

Barty shrugged. “Ok, is that it?”  

Regulus chewed on his lip before nodding.  

Barty grinned. “Great, see, that wasn’t so hard.”  

“It was excruciating.” He deadpans. Barty waves him off with a laugh.  

“Great, so, you’re my boyfriend now?”  

Regulus scoffed. “Seriously? This is how you ask me? Do better or the answer is no.”  

Barty laughed. “Should have known.” He removed one of his rings. It was shaped like a spider web that wrapped around the entire finger. He climbed out of the bathtub and knelt in front of Regulus.  

“Regulus Arcturus Black, will you do the honor of being my boyfriend?”  

Regulus couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. Barty stared at him confused and honestly a little hurt. “What?”  

“I didn’t ask you to propose.” Regulus manages through his laughter.  

Barty glared at him. “Answer the question bitch.”  

Regulus nodded, wiping a stray tear of laughter. “Yes Barty, I’ll be your boyfriend.”  

Barty hops up off the ground like a rocket. “Yippee.” He slides the ring onto Regulus’ thumb. Regulus has to stop himself from laughing and it doesn’t prove to be too hard when his lips are otherwise occupied for the short while the urge passes through.  

Barty shrieks when they pull away and runs into the dorm room. “Regulus Black is my boyfriend now motherfuckers!”  

Regulus groans in embarrassment as he watches Barty climb up onto the desk and dance around repeating the words ‘ Oh Yeah’ while waving his arms around.  

By now the other three have woken up. Evan staring bewildered, Pandora giggling at Barty’s antics and Dorcas who is trying to smother herself with her pillow.  

“This is some fucking weird fever dream.” Regulus admits, watching Barty pull Pandora up onto the desk with him to do their version of a muggle song, ‘Bohemiam Rhapsody.’  

Dorcas scrambles around for her wand and quickly shoots two silencing spells at them. They continue to ‘sing’ undeterred by the fact no words could be heard.    

“Oh, shitting Salazar, he hasn’t sobered up one bit.” Evan exclaims quietly.  

“Excuse me? He’s drunk?!” Regulus whips around to face Evan.  

Evan shakes his head. “High.”  

“Hello to you too, now why is he drunk?”  

Evan snorts. “He’s not drunk, he’s high.”  

“Oh, right because that’s so much better.” Regulus retorts sarcastically.  

Evan sniggers. “We went for a smoke earlier, the only reason why he had the courage to talk to you really, the weed is still in his system.”  

“Little shit asked me out under the influence.” Regulus grumbled to himself.  

“You two sorted your shit out then?”  

Regulus nods.  

Evan isn’t sure why, but he feels weird at the thought of Regulus and Barty dating. It felt, like, wrong in some way. He didn’t like feeling unsettled around them. He hated the choking feeling he felt when Barty came over to kiss Regulus after he had finished singing silently. He hated the tears that flooded his vision when he saw their playful banter. How close they were. They were like him and Barty now, only with proper kissing as opposed to the odd forehead kiss if one of them was feeling low.  

He slipped out of the room, unnoticed, the image of Barty slinging himself over his new boyfriend staining his mind even as he escaped the common room. He wandered around the castle for a while. He found himself standing at the door of the astronomy tower, tears flowing freely in the dark solitude of the empty halls.  

He made his way up the wooden step, ignoring Mary MacDonald who pushed past him, a giddy smile on her face. He made his way over to the edge and looked across the abyss littered with stars over the rolling Scottish mountains cloaked by the haze of darkness, barely illuminated by the gleam of the moon.  

He looked down at the ground below. It was a long way. A long fall. A lethal one. It was quite far. And yet, it was so so close. Evan thought of Barty and Regulus, how their relationship might change the dynamic of his and Barty’s friendship. Would they change? Surely not. Surely Barty wouldn’t do that to Evan. Right?  

Evan felt sick. Worry and another feeling settling in his stomach like a weight. The other feeling was unfamiliar. It burned. It stung. It stabbed. It choked. Like a blunt hit with a sharp healing process. He hated Regulus and Barty together. He hated them. He hated...Regulus and Barty. Seeing them made him angry, antsy, all new feelings that are associated with hatred. Oh fuck, he was a terrible friend. He should be happy for them, right? He shouldn't have just come to the realization he hated them together. That the thought made him want to carve his eyes out so he wouldn’t have to witness it in reality.  

How could he be homophobic towards his best friends? His mind on autopilot, he swung a leg over the railing. Then the other, until he was perched on the very edge of the metal bar, seconds away from throwing himself off it.  

A hand gripped his wrist. “Hey, what are you doing?” A girl’s voice asked.  

He didn’t turn. He didn’t resist her grip. Just kept staring at the horizon shrouded in moonlight.  

“Can you hear me?”  

Evan didn’t say anything. He nodded, though.  

“Ok, can you come down? This side, preferably.”  

Evan shook his head. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to live.  

“Ok, that’s alright for now. I’m going to keep talking and keep holding onto your wrist. Is that ok?”  

Evan shrugged.  

“Right. You’re one of the Rosier twins, right? Evan?”  

He nodded.  

“I’m Emmeline. Emmeline Vance. I know your sister, she’s friends with my dormmate, Sybill. I’m in Ravenclaw, your year.”  

Evan started to lean forward again slightly. He wasn’t listening really. Emmeline’s voice was drowned out over the shouting in his head. About how horrible he was, and that his friends shouldn’t have to put up with someone like him.  

Emmeline sucked in a breath, her other arm wrapping around Evan’s waist. “Is this ok? I just want to make sure you don’t fall.”   

“I want to fall.” Evan admitted quietly.  

“Why?”  

“I’m a horrible person. A horrible friend. Two of my friends are going out now, and I just feel hate towards them. They shouldn’t have to live with me. They wouldn’t want to if they knew how I felt. I don’t want to live with myself. I don’t want to live full stop.”  

The words poured out of him. A small part of him felt ashamed, having admitted his state of mind to a practical stranger. Another part of him felt lighter. But the rest of him felt numb.  

“Why do you hate it? Them.”  

Evan shrugged. It was probably because they were both boys, but he wasn’t about to out his friends to someone random.  

“Are you jealous? Of one of them?”  

“Maybe, I had a close friendship with one of them, I guess I don’t want him to forget about me essentially.”  

Emmeline laughed quietly. “No, not like that. Do you want to be in the shoes of the other person? Do you want to be the one your friend is dating?”  

Evan pauses. “I’m not queer.” Though it came out more of a question than a statement.  

“Maybe not, but would it be so bad if you were?”  

“Yes.” Evan answered immediately. “It’s wrong for me. I can’t be.” Right? How can he be both homophobic and queer? If he is, which he isn’t. But it would explain the newfound resentment to Regulus. Not Barty. He could never resent Barty.  

“What about other people? Do you have any friends who are queer?”  

Evan nodded thinking about Dorcas, because he was determined not to picture Regulus and Barty, or he might actually rip himself out of Emmeline’s grip and jump.  

“Are you ok with them being queer?”  

“Yes.”  

“So why not yourself?”  

“I’m a pureblood. I can’t be. I must marry a girl. My family would kill me, literally.”  

Emmeline sighs sadly. “That’s unfortunate.”  

Evan nods.  

“What do you need right now?”  

Evan considers the question. “A distraction.”  

Emmeline hums. “Can I tell you my news?”  

Evan nods again.  

“I kissed a girl. I’ve had a crush on her for ages. We were up here, laughing and joking and drinking. And then we were kissing. She has a boyfriend but when we talked, she said she would break up with him. She’s the year above us-”  

“Mary MacDonald.”  

“How-”  

“I passed her on my way up.” Evan admits. “She rushed past me, grinning widely. I envied her a bit there for being happy.”  

Emmeline giggles. “You won’t tell anyone?”  

Evan shakes his head.  

“Good.”  

The two of them stay there in silence for a while. Evan is happy with the turn of events, not only is he still alive, but he also gained a new friend. Out of them all, Pandora was the one with the most friends outside their groups, excluding Dorcas, since her friend was now her girlfriend.  

“Do you want to come down now?”  

Evan nodded. Emmeline kept hold of one of his hands as he awkwardly tried to swing his legs back over the rail. His back twinged with pain, and he winced.  

“You alright?” Emmeline asked.  

“Yeah, my back is just sore a lot.”  

“Huh, I wonder why?”  

“Me too.” Evan knew exactly but he felt as if he had burdened Emmeline enough for one night.  

“Do you want me to walk back with you to your common room?”  

“Please.”  

And so, they did. Once they neared the portrait, it was near sunrise. Evan turned to Emmeline. “Thank you. Really. I’d literally be dead without you.”  

Her eyes twinkled. “Don’t worry about it. Stay safe, yeah? If you ever need me, don’t hesitate to find me.”  

“Thank you.” Evan repeated.  

“I’m glad to have you as a friend.” That was all Emmeline said before she disappeared back to her own common room.  

Evan made his way up to his dorm and was greeted by Pandora, who was sitting at the top of the stairs.  

“Ev.” She whispered. “Are you okay? I was worried.”  

Evan shook his head with a smile, not entirely fake, plastered on. “I’m fine panda, don’t worry. I just went for a walk; I had a headache from all the commotion in there. I bumped into Emmeline Vance, and we got talking, we’re friends now.”  

Pandora smiles at him. “That’s good. Come on. I bet you’re tired.”  

Evan nodded and walked into the dorm. Barty and Regulus had fallen asleep side by side on Barty’s bed. Dorcas was snoring softly in her own bed. Pandora watched as Evan tossed a lingering glance towards Barty’s bed before settling into his own, turning to face the wall.  

Pandora knew he was lying of course. She loved to reveal people’s secrets by watching every move, every smile, every frown. A slight wince could explain a certain pet peeve. A playful flinch could reveal anxiety triggers. You just have to be good at reading people, to know how to deal with them. But, alas, she hadn’t had a notion of what her brother wanted in years and that infuriated her.    

She wished she could be the person that her brother relied on. She knew that if Evan had felt comfortable discussing the topic with her, he would have. And Pandora would have listened. All she can do is just hope her brother will be ok, while watching him crumble and grow from an outsider’s perspective.  

She drifts off to a restless, empty sleep beside Dorcas. Honestly, she would take borderline insomnia over cruel visions of her friends dying any day. Or, well, night, in this case.  

The next day, Regulus drags her to the library, eager to start a new one of his ‘side-quests’ as she called them. Every month or so Regulus came up with a new project to occupy his mind, preventing bored anguish. Usually, they involved potions in some way or another.  

He had already done Polyjuice, hence where she got the potion to help Evan understand Veritaserum, and even Felix Felicis.  

“Amortentia?” Pandora suggested.  

“Ha ha.” He laughed dryly. “I have Barty as my boyfriend, yes, do I want to reveal whether I’m in love with him? Nope. Not yet. I have had enough emotional discoveries to last a lifetime.”  

Someone cleared their throat behind them and Pandora turned to see James Potter rubbing the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. “Hey Regulus.”  

Regulus narrowed his eyes. “Potter.”  

“Can, erm, can I talk with you?” He shot a furtive glance at Pandora. “Alone.” He added.  

Regulus shook his head. “Anything you want to say to me can be said in front of Pandora as well.”  

James cleared his throat. “Right, erm, it’s about Sirius.”  

“Oh well in that case fuck right off.”  

“N-no, he’s sorry for what he said. He really is. Spent all last night crying in my bed over it. He really regrets it.”  

“And meanwhile I was having the time of my life snogging my boyfriend.” Regulus mused, turning back to his textbook. Pandora snorted.  

“Oh.” Was all James said.  

Regulus turned back to him after a minute of silence. “Why are you still here Potter? I don’t need Sirius’ apologies to live my life. He is insignificant.”  

“He doesn’t mind, you know.” James offers.  

Regulus blinks. “What?”  

“That you’re dating a boy. He says he will allow you to.”  

Regulus scoffs. “As if I need his approval, he wants to dictate my life? Maybe he should care about it. Maybe he should fucking be in it, instead of walking right into yours at the age of eleven. Because you’re the perfect brother. Because you’re a real fucking boy. That’s all he wants, right? A brother. Suffice to say, I’m not good enough to occupy that position. Not good enough to be loved by him.”  

James’ gaze softens. “He does love you-”  

Regulus lets out a cold, brittle laugh. “No. No he doesn’t. Now take your nose out of our business and take your arse out of this library, in other words. Get the fuck away from me. And tell Sirius he can go fuck himself.”  

Pandora locked her ankle around Regulus’ under the table. He nudged her leg, a silent motion of gratitude.  

James stood there staring a little wide eyed at Regulus’ outburst until Pandora cleared her throat. He snapped his attention to her, and she merely raised an eyebrow. He cleared his throat again. “Right, um, nice talking with you. Bye now, have a good day.”  

“I will once you step foot outside a hundred-meter radius of me.” Regulus muttered. Pandora disguised her laughter as a cough when James gulped at his remark.  

Just then Lupin appeared. Pandora sighed.  

“Rosier, Regulus.” He nods at each of them in turn. Regulus ends up snapping his quill from how hard he clenched his hand around it in irritation.  

“Tell Sirius to stop sending you to talk to me. If he wants to, tell him to stop being suck a fucking coward. He is in Gryffindor after all.” Regulus snaps.  

Lupin blinks at him. “I’m not here on Sirius’ behalf. Why would you think that?”  

“Potter. I sent him away a few minutes ago. The nuisance was pestering me.”  

Pandora smirks. “He was close to tears at Reggie’s harsh words.”  

Regulus points the sharp bit of his quill at her. “Call me that again and this will be the last thing running through your mouth.” He waves it around slightly.  

Pandora grins back at him. She smirks at Lupin and waves her hand towards Regulus. “See?”  

The taller boy looks deathly uncomfortable. “If you’re not here for my brother, pray, tell me, what the fuck you want.” Regulus sighs.  

“You’re good at potions, right?” Lupin shewed on the bottom of his lip.  

“Yes.”  

“Slughorn called you the best in the school.”  

“Right.”  

“Can you do some research and possibly develop a potion that stops a werewolf’s transformations?”  

Pandora blinked. An unusual request. Also, impossible.  

“No.”  

Lupin’s face fell. “Please Regulus, this has nothing to do with Sirius-”  

“It’s impossible to go against nature with some fancy words and unusual dissections of creatures and plants.”  

“He’s right. The closest thing is Wolfsbane and that only makes werewolves aware of their transformation.” Pandora chimes in. Lupin nods.  

“Well thanks anyways, sorry for bothering you guys.”  

“Why ask us of that?”  

Lupin hesitates. “Dumbledore’s request for the war. He didn’t go into detail.”  

When Lupin leaves, Pandora turns to Regulus. “He’s lying.”  

“No shit.”  

Pandora thinks for a second. “What do you think the real reason is?”  

Regulus chews on his lip. “Would it be too far-fetched to say I think he might be a werewolf?”  

She nods. “Probably, yeah. Dumbledore wouldn’t want to put children at risk like that and regardless if Lupin is a good person or not, he has no control over the transformations.”  

“Dumbledore has no qualms over the student's safety at all. I learned that last year when I begged him to help get me out of my house.”  

A pang of sadness overcame Pandora as she was reminded of her best friend’s home situation. “Yeah, he’s a bit of a bastard alright.”  

Regulus snorts. “Understatement.”  

She laughs. “So how about that Amortentia?”  

Regulus leans forward. “I have a better idea.”  

“Oh? Do go on.”  

Regulus smirks and lowers his voice. Pandora leans in too to hear him.  

“Have you ever heard of an animagus Pandora?”