Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Once everyone was settled in their seats, Kade reappeared in front of the whole audience at the center of the large arena-like stage before the gigantic silver screen with both Jen and Billy by his side and he materialized a microphone, tapped it and then spoke into it.

“Hello and welcome, everyone, to my magnificent theater.” He began as if he were the emcee at a concert. “Of course, I had to make a few arrangements in order for everyone to fit inside this place and create enough seats for you all. But anyway, for the first movie we’re about to watch, it is going to be about Barney and Ron.”

He said pointing directly at the two themselves. Barney’s eyes widened and his friends had the same faces as he did.

“It is the story about a social loner surrounded by kids who all have a B-Bot, except for him. But when he finally gets on, something seems off about it. What follows next is a journey about the true meaning of friendship. The message will become clearer and clearer as the movie progresses. What makes a true friendship and what is it all about? Well, that’s for you to decide.”

“Huh, this’ll be fun.” Kris shrugged.

“Kinda reminds me of a robot friend of my own.” stated Hogarth.

“Lights!” Kade shouted and in response, all the lights in the theater dimmed down and he teleported himself, Jen and Billy to their own personal seat way down in front of the audience, the best front row seats in the house.

“Camera!” The projector switched on, activating the movie ‘Ron’s Gone Wrong’ from the very beginning and the screen lit up, illuminating the theater as the movie began to play.

“And……..action!”

(We are shown a large spherical building, which is the headquarters for renowned tech giant Bubble, that rests on the edge of a large dam before a great lake in the middle of the forest accessible through road bridges and a helicopter pad outside the front entrance. The exterior appearance of the building is made entirely of thick transparent window glass and inside can be seen a thick pillar that connects to a series of rooms from top to bottom in a curious fashion akin to a DNA helix atomic structure - all of which were bubble-shaped as well as it is the apparent motif and namesake for the company.)

“Wow! That building looks amazing!” Hiro beamed bubbly at that spectacle of a building and it was built right on top of a dam, no less.

“I know, right?” Tadashi agreed, smiling.

“That looks amazing! So futuristic!” Hogarth’s eyes turn alarmingly round. Given he’s from the 50’s, he’s never seen a sophisticated and avante-garde structure like this before in his life. “How did you guys make it like that, anyway?”

“He’s right.” Victor F. agreed with him, since he is also from the 50's where tech and establishments this beautifully revolutionary are scarcely low and never been invented as of yet. “The exterior of that place looks like one giant window and what are those giant colored bubbles inside?”

“Oh, those are the different rooms inside.” answered Marc.

“So neat!” smiled Victor F. giddily.

“And they built it on top of a tall dam?” asked Wasabi, both amazed and terrified of the infrastructural concept. “I mean, that’s pretty cool, but also kinda scary if you think about it, especially with a building shaped like a giant sphere.”

“Relax, it’s totally safe. We’ve taken precautionary measures with the architects when constructing the place.” Marc assured him comfortingly.

“What in Kumandra are those white things outside that enormous round thing?” Tong demanded, peering intently and inquisitively at the round-shape white cars wheeling in.

“And what is that object flying in the sky?” Victor V.D. asked, referring to the helicopter.

“Well, those white things are called cars.” Jen answered the first question. “It’s what we use for transportation in these modern times.”

“That flying thing is called a helicopter. It’s used for transportation by air.” Then Billy answered the next question.

“I’ve seen a flying metal bird before, but never one with spinning blades on the top.” Long vacillated, scratching his chin.

“That’s what’s called an airplane.” Kade told him with a deadpan.

“But those vehicles are on the ground with wheels.” Searcher sputtered. “That means they roll on the ground to get places. Why do they need to do that?”

“And why aren’t they using horses to pull those odd carriages?” asked Victoria.

“Well, that’s just how they were built. Nobody’s ever achieved flying vehicles. At least not yet.” remarked Kade, whispering that last part to himself. “And they don’t need horses for transportation anymore. In fact, they still do, but not for everything. That’s why we got creative over time.”

“But why? Are they not farming any pando in that world or something?” asked Searcher desperately.

“Pando?” Raya peeped, a single eyebrow raised upward.

“Pando?” 

“What’s pando?” asked Mirabel, looking at all her family, but they didn’t know either.

“You mean ‘panda’, mister?” asked Ming.

“No, I mean ‘pando’. It’s this-”

“Nevermind, Searcher. We can all find out at a later date.” Kade interrupted him sternly and the farmer sighed in defeat.

“So what is that company called?” asked Yi.

“Bubble.” Barney replied.

“Bubble?” Mei chirped in amusement.

“Hence the building’s design.” Marc added in acknowledgement.

ANCHORMAN:
“Back in five, we are streaming live from Bubble HQ.”

GUEST #1:
“It’s launch day at Bubble.”

GUEST #2:
“What incredible tech are they about to unveil?”

GUEST #3:
“We’re going in.”

(Outside the Bubble HQ, thousands of people are entering through the doors in pure excitement for the company’s launching ceremony in which they shall unveil their latest creation for all the world to see.

”Tech?” Sisu asked, tilting her head. “What’s that mean?”

“Technology.” Kade answered. “It’s something we use in the modern day.”

MARC:
“Have you ever felt completely alone?”

”I have.” Kris said with a deadpan. “At least I used to.”

“Me, too.” Yi raised her hands.

Nimona, Claire, Hogarth, Mirabel, Norman, Coraline and Jack could also relate to this. Nimona’s been alone for years and years after being betrayed by Gloreth and called a monster by everyone and since then she had given up on doing good in a world where everyone hates you, which is why she steered down the road to villany instead, give everyone the monster they so desperately want. Claire had no friends since she wasn’t allowed friends due to the strict life plan that her ever-calculative and overbearing mother had intuitively constructed her and the countless hours of endless studying she was made to do in order to get into Werth Academy and the only friend she had was an elderly aviator that lived next door to her. Hogarth had no human friends outside of a giant robot from space so he was basically a loner at school. 

Because Mirabel had no gift of her own like her family, she had been turned away by most of her family, mostly Alma, and pretty much the majority of the Encanto, specifically in part due to an unhealthy obsession over the magic the Miracle granted the family that everyone benefited from. Norman didn’t have a lot of friends at school or outside of school because of his ability to see ghosts that nobody else could see. Since she had to move from her old home, Coraline didn’t have any new friends at first until she started warming up to Wybie.

And as for Jack, he’s been invisible to everyone around him everywhere he went for billions of centuries, much like Nimona, but only because nobody believed in him, nobody knew he existed. He was basically invisible to them, like a ghost, a wandering, restless spirit. And it took so, painfully long for him to finally find someone to believe in him - Jamie Bennett.

(Cut to the inside of the office of one MARC WYDELL, CEO of the Bubble corporation, a young African-American man with bushy black hair and a blue hoodie, as he is rehearsing his lines for the ceremony with the help of his invention - a skateboard with robotic arms wearing rubber gloves, holding up a slab for him to read off of.)

MARC:
“Standing on the edge of things, so awkward, not daring to approach anyone? What if you could have one perfect friend who thinks you’re awesome, who could help you find friends and make it all easy?”

”I wish.” Nimona grumbled to herself, remembering her years of loneliness and isolation from society thanks to the one person she considered a friend. Ballister gave her a sympathetic gaze.

“I’ve been alone most of my life before I finally found my family.” Billy commented, thinking back to Freddy and the rest of his family.

INTERCOM:
“All staff to the launchitorium.”

(At this, Marc gets up from his desk to prepare himself.)

MALE VOICE:
“Marc, they’re ready. Marc?”

”So what’s the new tech gonna be, Marc.” asked Mark curiosity.

Marc didn’t say anything, only watched and waited.

MARC:
“So, this is it. (CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY) This is finally it! The day that we at Bubble give the whole world a new best friend!”

(The scene around him transitions to later on once he’s up on the big stage at the launchitorium in front of a massively receptive and anxiously eager audience ready to bear witness to the latest addition to the company. Everyone cheers and gives a standing ovation, even chanting his name.)

”You guys build best friends?” Miriam asked.

“Not really. Just a device that can be your best friend and help you make new friends.” Marc clarified.

“How can a device do that exactly? That’s kinda weird.” Annie, however, didn’t quite understand the idea.

“You’ll see in a few minutes.” Kade reminded her.

EVERYONE:
“Marc! Marc! Marc!”

MARC:
Aww, we did this together, guys! This is what it’s all been for. Right back to the time in the garage where Bubble started.”

ANDREW:
“My garage, folks. My garage.”

(That had been ANDREW MORRIS, executive of Bubble and Marc’s business partner at the edge of the stage - a middle-aged and rather smug and pompous-looking pot-bellied guy with graying hair and glasses.)

”Okay, he looks like a total dick already just by looking at him.” Stig grumbled.

“Yeah, he almost reminds me of Krei.” Gogo conceded, popping her bubblegum. “If Krei had gray hair and a pot belly.”

“Who is he?” asked Mirabel.

“That’s Andrew Morris, my business partner and co-CEO.” Marc sighed discontentedly when he saw Andrew onscreen. “Apparently, he and I have very different ideas on success and running a business.”

“Let me guess, all he cares about is money.” Kate retorted with a grumpy look in her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s kinda the gist of it.” The tech genius nodded.

MARC:
“Of course, yes, Andrew. Thanks, uhh…....but today, we take a huge leap from Bubble’s phones and tablets and watches to a whole new world of connection. And at its heart, my code. My algorithm for friendship.”

(Up on the giant screen behind him, the exact words ‘THE ALGORITHM FOR FRIENDSHIP’ alongside the aforementioned algorithm itself are presented above his head and right before the eyes of the crowd.)

MARC:
“The code that drives your new best friend - the Bubble Bot!”

“Huh, so that’s what the B stands for.” Din wondered out loud.

“I think that was kinda obvious already, in my opinion.” Katie responded.

“This Marc better not try to throw this creation away for a new replacement like mine did with me.” PAL growled.

Mark, for his part, froze up and winced, looking all around, completely nervous, embarrassed and equal parts ashamed of this harsh reminder of his past actions.

“What does the talking phone lady mean by that?” asked Ping.

“Not now. Later.” Kade interjected.

(Everyone cheers. Three guests in the audience are shown wearing T-shirts that read ‘I Heart Code’.)

FEMALE VOICE:
“Welcome to the future of friendship.”

MARC:
“You wanna meet it? Okay!”

(Then the large screen begins the search for the lucky candidate, scanning through a long list of numerous social media users’ accounts while the crowd shouts out anxiously, all begging to be picked. Finally, one particular user has been carefully selected - EllieB9; a young redheaded girl about 10 or 13 years of age.)

MARC:
“Do we have an ‘EllieB9’?”

(The girl in question perks up from a row near the stage and rushes over to the stage.)

ELLIE:
“Oh my gosh! That’s me! That’s me! Hi!”

(Marc’s robot assists her onto the stage where she comes face-to-face with Marc, brimming with excitement as Marc opens up her account.)

“Wait, where are that girl’s parents?” Ming demanded, seeing a young girl just walking up to a stage alone in front of a massive audience at a tech company.

“I’m sure they’re there with her.” Rick replied. “Like, it’s not like she just drove to that place herself.”

MARC:
“Hi. So, that’s your posts and your friends and photos, right?”

ELLIE:
(NODDING) “Yeah.”

MARC:
“Okay. Ellie, this is for you. The world’s very first Bubble Bot.”

”Oh, exciting!” Fred bursted.

(Suddenly, the lights dim and as everyone watches with baited breath, it happens. A single spotlight shines down from above the stage in between Marc and Ellie while the audience gasps with wonder in their eyes, using the flashlights on their phones. Like a glowing angel descending from the heavens, an object is slowly lowered downwards via drone with Ellie watching on wide-eyed with anticipation. It is a bright blue spherocylindrical capsule with a hand-print scanner on it.)

”Wait, is that it?” asked Raya, put off by this when she looked directly between Ron and the object shown on the screen. “That B-Bot looks different. I thought the B-Bots were white?”

“It’s the blue casing that it comes in.” Marc informed her. “And they’re not all white.”

MARC:
“Go ahead.”

(On Marc’s encouragement, Ellie carefully approaches it, wondering what could be inside. Then she places her hand directly on the scanner. In response and a low chime, the capsule opens up to reveal - a white pill-shaped robot inside with 2D-animated black dot eyes, stubby arms and wheel feet that can retract flush into its body perfectly - the Bubble-Bot (or the “B-Bot” for short). Everyone is amazed and so is Ellie. And then, Marc accesses Ellie’s account to install everything and upload it onto the B-Bot, or “installing friendship” as it so says on the tablet. The B-Bot starts obtaining several apps in the process.)

”What’s going on?” Edward asked. “What’s it doing?”

“I’m simply downloading all of her account’s content and apps to her B-Bot in order for it to be her friend.” exclaimed the Bubble CEO.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand any of that.” Susan gently replied since the vernacular is foreign to her.

“They’re from the 50’s, Marc. We gotta try and be more specific. Use simpler terms.” Kade said to him sternly.

“Uh, right.”

ELLIE:
“What’s happening?”

MARC:
“It’s getting to know you. Everything about you.”

(The B-Bot finishes uploading and with a DING!, it smiles at Ellie with a heart-shaped icon on its belly.)

B-BOT:
“Hi, Ellie.”

”Oh, that is so cool!” Margot gushed like a child on Christmas or her birthday.

“Totally awesome!” Trevin cried with eagerness.

“It’s leaving my tingling on the inside with unsuppressed exhilaration like no other.” Bliss droned with an extensive vocabulary to best describe her own version of feeling joy and anticipation.

“I like her.” Priya smirked.

(Then it adopts the character skin of a purple cartoon bunny character with its arms stimulating rabbit ears.)

ELLIE:
“Danger bunny! That’s my favorite show!”

B-BOT:
“Mine, too!” (BOUNCES AROUND)

ELLIE:
“Awesome!”

“Spectacular!” Yi exploded.

(Everyone is amazed by this as they watch the B-Bot dance around, taking on new skins like a teal-colored DJ and Captain Marvel.)

”Yeah, this is something else.” Roar said, nodding his head in approval. “I wonder when they’ll start making stuff like this back at home.”

“By my count, I’ll probably be dead before that happens.” Stig theorized sardonically.

“That looks like Captain Marvel.” Hiro said, eying the second skin.

“Yeah, it kinda does, doesn’t it.” Jen nodded in agreement since it did remind her of Carol from her universe whom she had worked with from time to time.

“Hey, that’s one of the names I was taking!” Billy shouted incredulously.

“Seriously?” Jen was taken aback.

“I’ll explain it later.” whispered Kade to her ear.

MARC:
“Infinite downloadable skins!”

(The next skin of a red-colored monkey.)

“Skins?” asked Dean.

“Boy, this is getting better and better.” Raúl stated.

ELLIE:
“I love monkeys!”

MARC:
“Apps, contacts, photos, chat.”

”I’m failing to get a firm grasp of any of this new localism.” Victor V.D. replied, still unsure of what to make of this so-called modern technology.

“It’ll take some getting used to, son.” Callahan told him.

(Ellie searches through several options on her new B-Bot and selects the music app, making her new bot friend turn into a green-ish disco ball as it plays a tune that they dance to.)

MARC:
“Music, of course.”

”Oh, I am so there.” Mei beamed.

(Now the B-Bot turns into a racecar.)

MARC:
“Jump on!”

(Ellie hops on it and she rides it, having the time of her life.)

MARC:
“Incredible safety settings to keep your parents happy.”

”Hopefully.” Julieta firmly remarked with maternal concern. “Nobody wants their child to get hurt by those things on their watch.”

“Especially the ones who are too busy looking after a bunch of lazy idiots to even care for their own children.” Kade retorted to her, making her rear back in surprise and eventually hurt. The rest of her family are appalled by his sudden rude attitude towards her, especially Alma. Though, deep down, she understood why felt that way, but it was truly her own fault her children fault at being parents since she wasn’t exactly a stellar herself.

“Kade.” Jen slapped his arm.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.” He stubbornly reproached.

ELLIE:
“You can be anything in the world?”

B-BOT:
“In the universe! (TURNS INTO A SPACE ROCKET - MALE VOICE) Hold on!”

(Next, the B-Bot creates a very realistic holographic simulation of the POV shot of a rocket blasting off into outer space, into the stars and onto the surface of Mars.)

ELLIE:
“Oh, I love space!”

B-BOT:
“Me too!”

MARC:
“360-degree immersive projection.”

”Whoa!” Fred chorused with wide eyes filled with wonder, the many possibilities the B-Bot were just astounding. Many other younger members of the audience were just as amazed, including those from a non-advanced era. Many were already wondering what it would be like to own a B-Bot of their own. The Big Hero 6 gang had similar reactions to Fred, since they were experts themselves when it came to state-of-the-art technology and engineering. In fact, in their world, it would not be impossible for them to build a B-Bot themselves since they have the smarts, the tools and the tech wizardry know-now, not to mention the usual proficiency in social media.

“Is it weird that I kinda want one of those?” asked Katie curiously and eagerly.

“Kinda, but…..” Rick answered, wincing to himself since he’s still adjusting to the idea and use of modern technology.

“I want one!” Aaron shouted gleefully, raising his hand.

“I want one, too!” erupted Jin, briefly jumping up from his seat, making Peng laugh at his cousin’s behavior while Yi shook her head with an exasperated sigh.

“I want one, three!” Ruby raised her hand.

“Me four!” So did Margot.

“I wonder if I could build some at PAL Labs.” Mark murmured to himself, deep in inquisitive thought. 

“Hey, maybe Hiro can build one!” Fred brazenly suggested, bursting with childlike zeal.

“Uh, yeah…….I could, but……..I’m so sure how that B-Bot was made.” answered Hiro nervously twiddling his thumbs.

B-BOT:
“First selfie from the red planet?”

ELLIE:
“Okay.”

B-BOT:
“Sharing.”

(The B-Bot snaps a selfie with her, then transfers that photo to the phones of the people in the audience.)

MARC:
“Constant connection to the Bubble network.”

“Sweet!” Jin gushed. “Now I really gotta get my hands on one of those babies!”

“Oh, man.” Yi facepalmed.

However, Savannah felt uncomfortable hearing that part about the network, thinking back to a traumatic experience that resulted in one single dumb decision, quite possibly the worst decision she had ever made in human history.

(At an instant, everyone shares, likes and comments on the photo they just received as influencers are wont to do. With the thousand likes it was gaining, the B-Bot transforms back into a monkey to pursue its goal.)

ELLIE:
“What’s she doing now?”

MARC:
“This is why we’re here, Ellie. To find you some new friends.”

”Pardon me, but do we really need technology for that?” asked Kris. “Why can’t we just make friends on our own?”

“It’s a newer age, my friend.” Kade addressed calmly before Marc could. “People connect with each other in a new and improved way via social media and the internet.”

“That is correct, ladies and gents.” Billy backed him up. “Facebook, Twitter, DeviantArt, Instagram, TikTok, however you slice it. Nowadays, the only friends we ever make are the ones we meet and share things with online.”

“Not sure I understood any of that.” Luisa furrowed her eyebrows in perplexity. 

“Boy, you humans are so ridiculously complicated sometimes.” Wendell cackled.

(He checks his tablet to show the B-Bot’s coding doing its work, searching for friends for the girl until it manages to find two of them; Grace-May11 and Pete66, both young adolescent children around Ellie’s age.)

ELLIE:
“Oh, really?”

(Then the B-Bot jumps like a monkey into the audience and seeks out those two friends. In no time at all, it located the first child, Grace-May11 herself.)

B-BOT:
“Grace-May11 wants to be an astronaut, too. You wanna friend Ellie?”

GRACE-MAY11:
“Yeah, sure.”

(Then it hops over to the other friend it found, Pete66.)

B-BOT:
“Hey, Pete66!”

PETE66:
“Yes!”

(Both children join the B-Bot as it races back over to the stage to join Ellie’s side with the audience applauding.)

B-BOT:
“Pete’s a fan of Danger Bunny!”

PETE66:
“Hi, Ellie! This is so cool!”

GRACE-MAY11:
“Yeah, I went to Space Camp last year!”

“Wow, so she’s making friends with total strangers she literally just met?” Ugly Dog balked. “I mean, good for her, but that sounds kinda sketchy if ya ask me.”

“That odd one-eyed blue dog thing is right. What if these kids turn out not to be great friends at all?” Mrs. Zhong replied. “What if they’re only using her for some social status or something of the sort? Are they really friends just because a bot brought them together?”

“Well, everyone defines friendship in various ways, I guess.” Ian guessed, rubbing his neck.

“No, I’m siding with her on this.” argued Ming, knitting her eyebrows like any strict parent would. “What if those kids try to kidnap her or trick her into doing something she shouldn’t be doing like drugs or drinking alcohol?”

“But they’re not old enough for that.” Linda disagreed.

“Exactly my point! They shouldn’t be doing that! So what if that Ellie girl just befriended the wrong people?”

“Mom, don’t overreact, please.” Mei rubbed her eyes at her mother’s overzealous and anxious need to prevent some likely or unlikely scenario from occurring in the future 

“I’m not overreacting. I’m stating the obvious.” Her mother obstinately rebutted.

“Oh, get a grip, lady.” Stig affronted with a massive eye-roll.

At that, Ming scoffed in offense with a mouth agape at that level of shameless disrespect. Meanwhile, while this sort of debate was going on, Barney and the gang were sharing unnerved and remorseful looks to one another as they desperately stayed quiet on Kade’s request to not spoil anything.

ANDREW:
“Your best friend out of the box!”

(The B-Bot projects a sticker on its chest with those exact words on it. The crowd goes wild and at that moment, thousands of drones overhead carrying billions of other capsules containing B-Bots start flying out through a large circular window behind the two CEOS on the stage as it gradually reveals the outside world, allowing all the B-Bots to be flown out and delivered to many lucky young consumers.)

MARC:
“Let’s do this! Let’s make friends!”

”Oh, this is gonna be good.” Gogo smirked as if sensing something that might go wrong could actually go wrong in the near future.

(A montage presents a plethora of children being delivered their own B-Bots. Many of them receive their own “Best Friend Out of the Box” with different personalized skins, thousands of children placing their hands on the handprint scanner of their blue capsules, ready to make friends. The montage ends with the last kid pressing his hand on a blue surface……which is not a B-Bot capsule, but actually a door.)

”Hey, Is that you, Barney?” asked Gobi, smiling.

“Yep, that’s me.” He answered.

DONKA:
“Barney?”

BARNEY:
“Yep?”

DONKA:
“You have safety vest?”

(Upon opening the door and stepping outside, we meet our protagonist. This is Barney Pudowski, a lanky, dweeby and socially-awkward young lad of 11 wearing his helmet, safety vest and holding his lunch box, ready for school.)

BARNEY:

“Uh-huh.”

DONKA:
“And snack?”

(He opens up his lunchbox to check its contents - an apple, his inhaler and a severed chicken leg.)

”For real?” Tyler chuckled at what he was seeing. “That’s all you’re bringing?”

Priya, who was sitting next to him, punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow!”

“I understand the apple, but why the, uh……..chicken leg?” asked Giulia hesitantly, a little creeped out by the sight of it.

“I’d rather not say. It’s a culture thing my Gran likes to do, I think.” Barney replied, not really sure himself, but his grandmother does insist that chicken’s legs have a lot of fiber and protein or something like that. It’s really hard to justify this practice exactly.

“And what’s that other thing?” asked Sisu.

“That’s my inhaler. I have asthma.” replied Barney.

BARNEY:
“Yeah, Gran. I’ll see you later.”

(He hops on his scooter and wheels off down his neighborhood street and onto the sidewalk towards school, looking confident. Up ahead, he passes two kids playing with their B-Bots.)

B-BOT #1:
“Omina mitotae!”

”No idea what that means, but that looks so cool!” Alfredo marveled.

(The B-Bot “zaps” his opponent, earning coins for his owners as Barney continues on without looking back. Just then, two other girls race past him using their B-Bots as skateboards. Together at the same time, they fly through the air and snap photos of each other in mid-air.)

GIRLS:
“Selfie! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!”

“That’s such a risky move doing something like that.” Fei Fei shook her head.

“But that did look pretty badass, though.” disagreed Fred.

(Another kid with a B-Bot is about to cross the street, but it stops him since a car is driving by. Once the vehicle passes, it gives him permission to cross, even projecting a pedestrian walkway for him on the road.)

B-BOT:
“Safe to walk.”

”Well, it’s good that they’re at least keeping them safe.” Julieta mused.

“Indeed. But only if they’re actually paying attention to the road.” Rick concurred, while not totally technologically-inclined like his family, but he was grateful that those B-Bot had safety features that enabled them to ensure the welfare of their adolescent owners when crossing the streets. 

Marc looked proud of his achievement.

(Barney swoops down a hill to go under a bridge where yet another kid is playing with their B-Bot, using an immersive hologram of the ocean on the wall. Wheeling himself through the market of the town he lives in, passing by a Bubble store sitting dead in the center. It had that same futuristic advanced technology on the exterior architectural design; it was naturally bubble-shaped and could show text and such on the screen outside like ‘Good morning’ for instance. As he meanders by, Barney eyes longingly at the store, observing everything inside, marveling at the magnificent sight and even wondering what it’d be like to check out the place inside.)

”Astounding.” gaped Victor V.D. with widened, glistening eyes at the building.

“Indeed.” Emily agreed.

“So futuristic.” Rudolf exclaimed, pupils nearly the size of golfballs.

BARNEY:
“Wow.”

(But suddenly, out of nowhere, Barney unknowingly put himself right in the path of a delivery truck, which thankfully skidded to a full stop right in front of Barney the moment the driver saw him to narrowly avoid running him over and the boy on the scooter yelped and he halted.)

DRIVER:
“You got eyes, kid?”

BARNEY:
“Sorry. I’m so sorry.”

”Watch yourself, mister. You shouldn’t get distracted when you're riding down a busy street.” Laurel affirmed strictly and maternally with a sharp frown.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I just got caught up in the moment.” Barney winced, blushing in embarrassment.

“I can’t say I blame him. I mean, that place looks so cool.” Luca effused, eyes twinkling like stars as he wondered what it’s like in there himself.

Alfredo chuckled at him while shaking his head.

(Barney scuttled off as the delivery man climbed out of the truck in irritation before seeing that a B-Bot had fallen out of the vehicle because of the stop.)

DRIVER:
“Aw, seriously?”

”Well, that’s great.” Brooke harrumphed. “Now you just caused potential property damage.”

But as Barney watched the screen without even acknowledging the mother, he took a good look at the B-Bot capsule that just fell off the truck and noticed the dirt marks on it, which looked familiar to him, especially when he first received Ron on day one. With this in mind, it really made him think. Was he the reason Ron became glitchy like he was when he got him?

(He goes to pick it up before we cut to Barney arriving at his school, Nonsuch Middle School, where every single one of his classmates had a B-Bot of their own, playing around with them while making their way to school. A bunch of kids stood by the other end of the street with their B-Bots, which had Stormtrooper and Darth Vader skins.)

B-BOT:
“Look left, Ethan. Right. Now let us cross.”

KIDS:
“To the dark side!”

BOT #2:
“You have 9 new messages.”

BOT #3:
“You have 10 likes.”

GIRL:
“Message Abby, tell her I’ll be there in five.”

BOT #4:
“Jack wants to friend you.”

BOT #5:
“By Odin’s beard, you have 6 messages.”

GIRL:
“Did you see Ruby’s post? Sharing.”

”Honestly, I just don’t understand this generation at all.” Rick groaned pathetically.

Just looking at all the children talking the typical jargon, Kade chuckled knowingly and spoke with a light heart, “Yep, kids and their devices.”

“Typical millennials.” Billy retorted as he hypocritically browsed through his own phone.

(Meanwhile, Barney enters the school, walking through the crowd of chatty kids and their B-Bots, all the while looking all around, like a blonde, bespectacled girl in a classroom, going over a science presentation with her B-Bot. Her name is Ava, by the way, a nerdy type.)

AVA:
“So, you see how the magma from the upper mantle pushes up into the chamber.”

KID:
“That’s cool.”

AVA:
“Label chamber.”

”Sounds like my kinda girl.” Ruby mused amusedly and warmingly to see someone else who had nerd smarts like her. While not exactly into science herself, she was a mathematics genius so it was still on the same level.

“Oh, thanks.” Ava herself blushed at the compliment. 

“Great. Another boring nerd!” However, Tyler complained from his seat with a huge eye-roll.

“Shut it, Tyler!” growled Mei.

“What? One nerd is enough for me, okay?!”

Mei and the girls, of course, rolled her eyes at the Vietnamese boy’s immaturity, growling in frustration and muttering under their breaths. Mei even wondered how she ended up being friends with him, but she knew it was for a good reason.

‘Hmm, I don’t know why, but she sounds similar’ , Miriam thought to herself in her mind, taking in Ava’s voice.

RICH:
“Guys, guys, is she coming yet?”

(Looking another direction, there on top of a vending machine was the mischievous and chaotic prankster, the class clown, Rich Belcher and his two cronies, Jayden - a tall dude in a hoodie - and Alex - an obese kid. Rich himself had a street look with backwards-facing baseball cap and an oversized jacket with a fur trim. In preparation for a prank they are about to pull, Rich dons a zombie Halloween mask.)

”Okay, what is this now?” Stig looked suspicious.

Savannah rolled her eyes and facepalms, remembering this same stupid prank he pulled on her and how ridiculous he looked. On the other hand, Rich froze up and cringed, looking back at himself from those days. Sure, it seemed funny to him, but was it really?

STUDENTS:
“Hey, Savannah!”/“Hey, Sav! Cute kicks!”

(Savannah Meades, the popular girl in school according to her likes - a stylish young preteen girl with long brown hair, a flawless complexion, a skin gold jacket and fluffy pink skirt. She was coming down the hallway with her friend by her side as well as her B-Bot that had a peach-colored, cat-faced skin.)

SAVANNAH:
“Thank you.” (TURNING TO HER B-BOT AS IT RECORDS HER) “Hey, guys. Savannah, here. So, later, I wanna talk to you guys about plastics in the ocean (HAIR FLIP) and this new great blowout.”

Isabela looked away as she was starting to remind her of her old self. Her old vain, entitled and self-absorbed self.

“At least she knows where it’s at.” Mei nodded in impressed approval.

“Plastics in the ocean?” Luca gasped. “I found a lot of stuff underwater, but never plastics, whatever they are.”

“Yeah, apparently, people throw a lot of stuff in the ocean like trash, plastic bottles, glass bottles, candy wrappers, tires, tons of stuff that may become harmful to marine life.”

Everyone who wasn’t aware of this winced and gaped in either surprise and horror at the thought of fishes and other undersea creatures suffering at the hubris of humanity, having their watery habitat turned into one giant trash bag for humans to dump their waste in without any regard of the those inhabiting it. 

Sisu was the most disgusted, being a water dragon. Most people may be reckless and deceptive at times as she has come to accept, but violating and polluting the waters with their rubbish is a whole new level for her and it sickened her to think that fishes living underwater would have to deal with a bunch of trash, recyclables and a bunch of other nasty disposables invading their personal space and posing some potential danger to them, like broken glass and such.

(All of the sudden, Rich makes his move. He pops his head out from behind the wall, hanging from the clock on the wall like a monkey, yelling like a zombie in an attempt to scare Savannah, only to slip and fall off and then fall flat on his face in front of Savannah, taking the clock down with him. But Savannah is unfazed, however, apparently used to his pranks by now.)

Everyone winced when he fell on his face like that since it looked like it hurt. However, some people also exclaimed annoyance at this brand of childish buffoonery. Rich, himself, winced, seeing how painful that fall must’ve been from a different angle. Wendell and Wild, however, were laughing their asses off as Rich's epic fail of a jump scare prank as did Nimona, almost choking on her popcorn.

"Oh, man, that was priceless!" Wendell howled, clutching his chest.

"I know, man, and then he just, like, fell right down on his face!" guffawed Wild maniacally. "Damn, kids can be so stupid!"

"Shut up, you two!" Kat snarled at the demon brothers.

This, however, did nothing to stop Rich from groaning in embarrassment and hiding his face under his hat to avoid looking directly at anybody.

“Are you crazy?” shouted Daniela, exasperated. “You could’ve been injured!”

“I was really desperate for views and followers, okay?” He defended.

“I hope your parents didn’t have to pay for that clock.” Agatha frowned at him.

SAVANNAH:
“Lame, Rich.”

”I agree.” Priya nodded with her usual monotone.

“Ditto.” Li Na deadpanned.

"So, so funny." Elsa commented sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Juvenile and pathetic, more like."  Wage crossed her arms.

“That was just plain dumb.” Kris attested with a stony face. “And yet, I’ve seen dumber idiots than him.”

"Hey!" Rich growled.

RICH’S B-BOT:
“Top quality footage.”

(Bruised, but undeterred by his pratfall, Rich lifts up to address his viewers on his B-Bot.)

RICH:
“Like and subscribe.”

RICH’S B-BOT:
“Posting to your channel.”

Now mostly everybody’s rolling their eyes, gripping her faces in irritation and throwing their heads back at how desperate Rich seemed in gaining fame on the internet.

"You gotta be kidding me." Gogo massaged the stress from her eyes.

"What's wrong with him?" Claire retorted with vexation.

"ADHD? Borderline personality disorder? Delusions of grandeur?" Her mother listed down any possible neurological disorder Rich may suffer from.

"Stupidity." Stig sharply suggested without a second thought.

“Yeah, you have no idea of the lengths some people will go to just to obtain fame and recognition.” Even Kade shook his head, scoffing to himself. “Whether it’s jumping off a bridge or drinking a dozen energy drinks in one sitting or even showing up at a bank with an unloaded gun to pretend to rob it just see everyone's reactions, they’ll try anything if it means people will like them for it.”

(While Barney goes to open his locker, another kid named Noah, an avid gamer, is in the middle of a fighter game with another student on either side of Barney while they play.)

NOAH:
“Weep, trollboy! I am fire!”

(Noah has his B-Bot shoot fake, holographic green lightning at his opponent, which startled the crap out of poor Barney as he jumped and screamed as if he were being attacked, instinctively shielding his face with his backpack, accidentally spilling out its contents, including several yellow sheets of paper on the floor. Calming himself down, Barney realizes that the hallway had fallen silent because of his slight overreaction. Everyone froze to give him odd looks.)

Barney facepalmed in the inside of his mind for being all jumpy like that. Chelsea rolled her eyes snootily.

“What a loser.” She remarked jeeringly. 

“Hey, lay off!” Ava barked at her on the boy’s behalf.

"Sorry, Barn, I didn't mean to startle you like that." Noah apologized.

"It's fine, Noah. I overreacted." Barney lamely reassured.

BARNEY:
(CHUCKLES SHYLY) “Nothing to see here.”

Everyone started to pity the poor lad. It must be hard being that one kid in the whole school that everyone doesn't understand. One they find off-putting and being written off. Even Kris relates to this enormously to the highest degree.

(He drops to the ground to hastily pick everything back up as if trying to hide evidence. The yellow sheets are revealed to be party invites to his birthday party.

SAVANNAH:
“Wow, Barney. It’s your birthday. And you still didn’t get a B-Bot?”

”Is that really all that matters, kid?” Rick scolded her.

Savannah winced and realized how superficial that comment sounded.

“It was your birthday?!” Helen and Lily exploded when they noticed the invites.

“Yeeeeaaaahhhh…….” As if wincing in pain, Barney eased his answer out sheepishly, then exhaled a defeated sigh.

“Of course, he does. I am his B-Bot. I’m his best friend.” said Ron with that smile on his screen face.

“Well, not yet, Ron.” Barney reminded him.

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Thanks for breaking that down.’

SAVANNAH’S B-BOT:
(PICKING UP ONE OF THE INVITES) “Barney is having a party.”

SAVANNAH:
“Really?”

BARNEY:
“Uh, no, no, no.”

”Wait, you’re not gonna invite her or anyone?” asked Jin L., baffled at why he was not giving those invites out to any of his classmates.

Barney didn’t answer nor did he look into anyone’s faces. And as for Savannah and the rest, they eyed him with slight regret since they now remember the last time they came to his birthday party at his house and figured that must be one of the reasons he hesitated in inviting them over.

“Barney, I, uh…..” Savannah tries to start, but loses her sentence before it even begins.

“Oh my god, just man up and invite somebody! You must have friends!” Kat bellowed impatiently.

“Unlike some people.” Raúl retorted under his breath, though Kat glared at him for that.

“Just ignore her.” Sister Helley reassured Barney.

(He rushes to get everything back into his backpack, then freezing when he picks up the chicken leg. He chuckles nervously at her while she stares back.)

BARNEY:
“Fly free, little one. Phoosh!” (TOSSES IT IN HIS LOCKER)

Everyone winced while Barney covered his face to hide from the others.

SAVANNAH:
“You okay, Barney?”

BARNEY:
“Yeah. Oh, sorry. I’m in your shot.”

(Her B-Bot is apparently still recording with Barney now on live camera.)

SAVANNAH:
(CHUCKLES) “That’s so sweet. But I have a filter for that.”

(She does this by erasing Barney’s presence from the livestream, as if he wasn’t there anymore.)

”Ouch.” Roar exclaimed, unamused. “Way to read the room.”

“That seems kinda hurtful.” Rudolf didn’t seem to like how the girl was onscreen. As a matter of fact, she seemed to be one of those cool kids who come off as obviously condescending without either meaning it or realizing it.

“Yeah, that actually kinda was.” Mirabel remarked, thinking back to Osvaldo.

Savannah’s face fell as a stinging guilt panged her heart. Looking back now, she made it seem like she was casting him aside and disregarding him without even acknowledging his feelings for a second. Did she really let herself become this shallow?

“I’m sorry…..” Was all she could say at the moment.

“It’s……….fine.” Barney answered back, but those around them knew he had to be sugarcoating it.

SAVANNAH:
(LEAVES) “Ciao. This is your girl, signing off. Love you, guys.”

(With her leaving, her B-Bot perches itself onto a charging station and adopts the school’s insignia to be left alone to charge while she’s away in class. In fact, there was an entire wall of dozens of charging stations specifically designed and built in for the students to put their B-Bots on while they’re busy with school. Barney grumbles and scoffs to himself, slamming his locker shut and sending a parting gaze upon the one single, solitary spot on the whole wall of stationary B-Bots left completely empty and untouched. If it’s any indication, this could possibly be reserved for the one kid in the entire school who didn’t own a B-Bot - Barney himself.)

”So you didn’t have a B-Bot?” asked Luca, looking at him.

“Yeah, not until I met Ron.” Barney responded, casting Ron a warm look. “In my school, literally everyone had their own B-Bot and I was the only one without one. And there are two types of kids in the social ladder of my school. Those who have B-Bots and those who don’t. And if you don’t have what everyone else has, then you’re a total loser.”

His friends flinched when he said that and started to wonder how Barney felt when he was surrounded by kids who had B-Bots while he was stuck being the only kid without one. Kids who were connected with each other through their B-Bots and social media, who had chatrooms to communicate on and share similar interests, who probably had dozens of friends themselves while he was just all alone. Had nobody to talk to, to share stuff with, to open up to.

Meanwhile, this reminded Mirabel of when she didn’t receive a gift like the family and was left underappreciated, overlooked and sometimes even ridiculed and scolded for the littlest things all for not having a gift like the rest. Even her family seemed to realize the parallels themselves and it once again caused Alma to feel agony for the pain she caused from the start. All the pain she caused her family and most of all, the pain she so callously brought onto her granddaughter’s life all because of her relentless and obsessive dependance on the Miracle and all the magic it bestowed upon them.

“Why is even owning a stupid B-Bot so fucking important anyway?” Stig complained, irritated. “It’s just a dumb toy.”

“It’s called a trend. It becomes so popular that everyone wants in on it.” Hiro debated.

“Bunch of clout-chasing morons.” Stig rolled his eyes, growling.

Everyone who was from a modern age felt offended by this, but mostly the Nonsuch kids. He really came at them hard with that vulgar criticism, but perhaps he wasn’t completely wrong. Why have they become so obsessed with B-Bots getting them friends who probably weren’t real in any sense?

Chapter Text

(Cut to later in the day - the school bell rings, signaling recess. Everyone marches out onto the playground outside with their B-Bots, chatting and doing whatever like any average millennial middle-schooler.)

SAVANNAH:
“Create Sav’s group chat.”

AVA:
“Check for Science Squad.”

(The two of them stood together while searching for others to join their respective online chat rooms, but sadly, their B-Bots found no matches for either Savannah or Ava anywhere to join the other’s group chat. They shared uneasy looks and continued on, shaking off the disappointment.)

”Wow.” Tadashi mused. “Pitiful.”

Savannah and Ava both looked at each other with hints of regret. It was such a shame that they seemed to grow apart since kindergarten as they got older. It wasn’t uncommon for childhood friends to move on from each other - friends come and go after all - but it still hurt to think they would have remained the same, yet they barely had any semblance of what was before as they adapted to the gadget age of social media, social acceptance and popularity.

Barney himself never figured what it was like for them. To think they weren’t part of the same friendship circle anymore now that they were chasing after newer crowds full of fake friends only hanging out for the sake of external validation, leverage and social status all the while struggling to figure out who they really are underneath.

“What’s the problem?” asked Barley, not following along.

“Obviously, they seem to be old friends who have grown up and grown apart. Having found their own interests that they don’t share.” answered Roar.

“Yeah, because I’m assuming that they probably think they can’t be friends unless they’re into the same stuff.” Jack nodded.

“Um,......” Savannah wasn’t sure how to add to that.

A few of the Madrigals casted their own anxious countenances, some twirling their hairs nervously, rubbing their arms and biting their lips. So far, everything about this movie with its themes and glaring implications seemed to mirror their lives back at the Encanto with a very major difference. Like they made it seem like, in their family, if you don’t have something to give, something to use for the community’s best interests, something that makes you unique and “special”, then you’re useless and have no purpose in life. Being that one person in a group where everyone else appears more important than you because they all share something that you don’t have. 

(Barney stands alone at the exit, inconfidentally looking out onto the playground, watching everyone enjoying each other’s B-Bots.)

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Okay. 18 minutes of recess hell. You got this.’

”Don’t think like that. I’m sure you’ll have fun.” Tooth encouraged.

(But the sight of everyone playing with their B-Bots, having fun with the one thing he didn’t have robs him of that motivation. So he turns to leave.)

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Maybe not.’

”Oh, come on.” Tooth complained. “So what if you don’t have a B-Bot? Get out there and be social.”

“Tooth, please. Don’t nag him.” North told her sternly. “It’s not good for confidence.”

“Can anyone really else feel like they’re in his shoes right now?” asked Kade, head swiveling around to the faces of people in the audience. “Everyone in his school has this fancy new toy that’s all the rage which they’re basically obsessed with and he’s the only one without one. Can you really imagine yourself fitting in with a group of people who own something you don’t?”

“It wouldn’t be so hard if they weren’t so obsessed with those B-Bots.” Stig grunted.

Marc frowned in dismay, Savannah winced and Rich cringed in discomfort.

MISS THOMAS:
“Barney!”

(But Barney halts in horror when coming face-to-face with the jovial MISS THOMAS, one of his teachers.)

MISS THOMAS:
“All alone again?”

”Yeah, sure seems like it.” Alberto shrugged.

“Alberto!” Giulia smacked him upside the head, making him yelp and glare at her. Even though he won’t say it, he as well could relate to being so alone and having no friends to speak with until he met Luca.

BARNEY:
“No, I’m good. I just…..”

MISS THOMAS:
“On your birthday?”

”Stings, doesn’t it?” Mirabel emotionlessly quipped in a flippant tone of voice. 

The rest of her family flinched at this tone as it made them remember those unpleasant times on her birthday when she was forced to celebrate them on her own because everyone else had their day-to-day chores to do, important duties to perform and so forth. Ever since her failed gift ceremony on her fifth birthday, the Madrigals just stopped celebrating her birthdays since then due to primarily prioritizing their gifts to help the villagers constantly without breaks and it reached a point in their ceaseless business that they would just forget about her birthday each year. With this, nobody had the strength or courage to speak any words in their defense, because they couldn’t come up with any at the moment.

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘No, no, no, no. You have to be kidding me. Who told her?’

MISS THOMAS:
“Your grandma called the school.”

”Of course she did.” Barney mumbled.

“She’s only looking out for your best interest.” Mrs. Song quickly came to his relative’s defense. “She probably doesn’t want you spending your birthday by yourself.”

“You don’t understand. Some of my classmates just didn’t get me.” Barney shot back.

“Of course we do!” Savannah argued. “We just……..well, had our own interests and stuff, I guess.”

BARNEY:
“I just need to go…..I forget my, uh, inhaler.”

(But he pulls it out, exposing his bluff.)

BARNEY:
“The other one!” (FAKE COUGHS)

“Oh my god. You are, like, so pathetic.” Courtney rolled her eyes with a derisive grin on her glossy lips.

“You should, like, shut up and tell it to someone who cares.” retorted Stig, firing back at her.

“Excuse me?!” She scoffed.

“Hey, don’t start, you two. I mean it.” Meridian chided them both, sounding like a school teacher herself.

”Oh, Barney.” Savannah sighed, both sympathetic and bothered by his past shyness and his desperation to escape social interactions with his classmates.

“Give me a break, okay? I’m not very comfortable being surrounded by people who have the same thing as something you lack.” Barney groused, frowning at her.

“I hear you, buddy. I’ve had trouble with social situations myself.” Ian came into his defense, relating to Barney’s social awkwardness. In fact, this whole ordeal with Barney too hesitant to invite anyone to his birthday party and even deny it reminded him heavily of that one time when he lacked the confidence to muster up the courage to invite potential friends out of his classmates to his own birthday party, mostly because of Barley’s frustrating interference.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound pushy, I just…….I would’ve come to your party.” Savannah tried to back-petal.

“Are you sure about that?” asked Mei suspiciously.

“.....” 

No words came out of the fashionable girl’s mouth. Not even a single peep. She just couldn’t think of the right way to answer that honestly. And this lack of a response was enough of an answer for everyone. Savannah suddenly felt pretty stupid. It may have been stupid to say that. Given the disastrous party when they were little, there would most likely have been some hesitance or a false promise.

MISS THOMAS:
“Got it. You need to sit down.”

BARNEY:
“Huh?”

”Um, sit down? In the middle of recess?” Annie asked, muddled.

“Oh no……..” Barney fretted with horror, feeling his heart drop into his stomach with a resounded ker-plunk .

(Her suggestion to Barney’s dilemma was to have a seat at the so aptly-named ‘Buddy Bench’, the bench that had the words ‘Need a Friend? One Will Be Along Soon!’. There the two sat together with Miss Thomas brimming with encouragement and confidence while Barney looked majorly uncomfortable.)

“The Buddy Bench? Really? Doll, that must be so embarrassing!” snickered Lou, unable to hold back his fit of mocking chuckles, seeing the poor boy suffer socially onscreen.

In response, Lou was safely, but painfully electrocuted by an invisible force from outside the barrier, the villains were held inside by the power of Kade.

“What’s wrong with the Buddy Bench?” asked Lorenzo. “And what is the Buddy Bench, by the way?”

“It’s a seat where children can sit at the playground if they want someone to talk to or if they feel alone.” Jack answered.

“I hate the Buddy Bench.” grumbled Barney.

“Hey, it’s not that bad.” Arthur C. said comfortingly. “I’m sure someone will come by eventually.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” His brother disagreed vaguely.

“Poor kid.” Rick sighed, shaking his head with sympathy.

MISS THOMAS:
“This is gonna work, Barney. You’ll see.”

BARNEY:
“No, I won’t.”

MISS THOMAS:
“Yes, it will.”

BARNEY:
“It kind of makes things worse.”

”I kinda agree on that one.” winced Hiro. He may remember a buddy bench at his middle or elementary school, but he could have a good idea of what it felt like being the only kid seated there with no friends.

(True to his word, a lot of the kids around them watching him sit there on the Buddy Bench with a teacher only sent him derisive expressions and teasing remarks.)

MISS THOMAS:
“Come on. Bring it in, brave soldier.”

(Barney exclaims in confusion, then horror when Miss Thomas opens up her arms for an embrace and panicked when she slowly closed in on him and took the reluctant boy in her arms like a mother would a child, pressing his head to her chest while Rich and his boys mock the situation.)

”Ehhhhh………” Many of the younger audience members gave an even harder wince and a cringe of embarrassment at the scene before them. A young lonely boy being hugged by a school teacher in front of everyone as if she were his mother. While it may be heartwarming in context, given Barney’s predicament, it just comes off as a bit invasive. It’s like if a child was trying to make new friends after moving to a new neighborhood and the parent barges in on the conversation, trying to sound hip and young. A socially-destructive toxic nightmare for youths everywhere.

“I sure do like her energy.” erupted Brill, who brightly grinned, forming a big, dopey smile on his malleable face.

“Boy, I’d sure hate to be you right now.” Rudolf commented.

“Is this really necessary?” Norman asked nervously.

“I like her spirit and she’s making some good points, but aren’t there other ways to bring him out of his comfort zone that don't involve…….uh, invading his personal space?” Mandy meekly suggested, adjusting her large glasses.

“Well, he can’t just stay inside his comfort zone forever just because everyone else has a B-Bot.” argued Mirabel, feeling for the boy and relating to his awkwardness, but she doesn’t feel like avoiding people would be the best way to solve your problems, especially when people don’t take you seriously.

“Yeah…..” Barney could only say in a lifeless mutter. He knew that had valid points.

ALEX/JAYDEN:
“Oh, ho, ho!”

RICH:
“Bring it in, Barney!” (HE, ALEX AND JAYDEN HUG TEASINGLY) “Come on, Barney boy. Bring it in.”

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Wow. How low can a kid go?’

”Jeez, Rich.” Ava facepalmed and sighed in aggravation at the blonde boy’s behavior onscreen.

Many of the characters who have dealt with bullies and endured ridicule and mockery before glared at the screen either hatefully, scornfully, in annoyance or in disappointment.

(The woman lets him go to get up and walk over to the kids.)

MISS THOMAS:
“Now, when someone comes along, talk to them about a hobby. Didn’t you write me an essay on rock collecting?”

BARNEY:
“Yeah…..no.”

”Pffft, rocks? Seriously? Boring!” Sam rolled his eyes and complained with an exaggerated groan any kid would make when hearing about stuff they had no interest in. 

And this earned him a slap on the head by his older sister who stretched her arm over to deliver a hard strike on her annoying brother’s head. He punched her back in retaliation and the two were about to fight when Agatha and Arthur G. broke them up just in time.

“Don’t start, you two.” Agatha warned them both with her flinting gaze.

(Miss Thomas goes to address a couple of kids, the closest ones she can find; such as Ava, Noah and Savannah.)

MISS THOMAS:
“Will you go talk to Barney? He loves rocks. He needs friends. It’s his birthday.”

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Kill me now.’

AVA:
“Happy birthday!”

NOAH:
“Ha ha. Miss Thomas said you wanna talk about rocks?”

BARNEY:
“Who likes rocks?”

SAVANNAH:
“So, you’re into rocks? (CHUCKLES) That’s nice.”

”My god, this is so painful.” Stig grumbled, massaging his stressed face, annoyed at what he was seeing.

Savannah, Rich, Noah and Ava all winced at seeing themselves from a different perspective. It really seemed like they were trying. Sure, they had their own interests at the time, but hearing their own responses when being asked to converse with them, they sure did sound a little forced and lame. They sure have drifted apart so much when they grew up and B-Bots became popular. It seems as though they had truly forgotten how to truly connect with each other as real friends. And something in their responses told some of the other audience members that these kids all knew each other for a long time.

“You’re only doing this because the teacher said so?” Dean responded, perturbed and disapproving of this awkward moment.

“We had our own stuff to do, our own interests.” Savannah replied in her own defense.

“Is this really what friendship is all about?” Raya asked. “Using these B-Bot things to get friends for you? People you’ve never met? I dunno, I’m still confused about all this new stuff.”

“Me as well.” Victor agreed. All this modern stuff was boggling his mind like crazy.

RICH:
(GUFFAWS) “Seriously? Dude, it’s your birthday and you still didn’t get a B-Bot?”

SAVANNAH:
“Maybe he doesn’t want a B-Bot. Maybe he prefers rocks.”

”Oh my god, what is it with you guys and those stupid B-Bots?” Kris complained, rolling his eyes. “I mean, seriously, B-Bots, B-Bots, B-Bots. That’s all everyone seems to care about.”

“Ouch?” Noah replied, feeling a bit offended, but also felt like it was a deserved response.

“B-Bots were all the rage then, okay?!” The incensed Savannah concurred.

“No, he does have a point there.” interjected Ballister, seeming to agree with the boy’s complaint. “Every kid in this school has a B-Bot and I know they seem like cool devices and all, but for that to be the only thing that matters, for you kids to put value on material possessions over important things like real friendship, that’s certainly unhealthy.”

“You got that right, pal.” Rick agreed with a nod, turning to the Nonsuch kids. “You kids really need to spend more of your time off the internet and try steering your focus on other things outside of fame and glamor and not be so dependent on technology. You don’t need a fancy android thing to make friends.”

“Well……….” Rich moaned, at a loss for words.

“I mean, yeah……” As was Ava and Noah, looking quite embarrassed.

“What can one do if they’re not online?” Billy was quick to point out, even raising a finger to the air, even taking his head out of his phone for a moment.

“What can I do if I’m not online?” Ron, being the fervent and adamantly curious little wonder that he was, turned to face the crowd around them.

“Camping out in the woods is one idea.” answered Rick straight away. At this, Ron made an accepting ding sound of understanding in his way.

“Camping out in the woods. Okay!” The malfunctioning little android replied.

“No, no, no. We already…….I mean, maybe something else?” At that idea, Barney all too quickly jumped in at the thought, remembering back to that one time when he and Ron escaped.

“How about maybe doing some karaoke?” Mei raised her hand with sudden eagerness. “Or maybe go to a concert to see your favorite band on stage?”

“What’s karaoke?” asked Emily, lifting an eyebrow.

“A better question would be: What’s a concert?” Lucky Bat asked, scratching his head with his tiny wing.

“Go out and explore!” Jaeger cried broadly in his usual energeticness. “Go on an adventure and see the world!”

“Play a musical instrument!” answered Mirabel.

“Play fútbol!” Camilo suggested.

“Read a book?” said Brooke.

“Study your homework?” Her daughter added, backing her up.

“Go to outer space and see the stars!” exulted the childlike Prince, jumping up in his seat.

“Help out your parents if they need it.” Ming stated. 

“Maybe craft some art.” Then came Dean’s reply.

“Give baking a try!” Dahlia chirped enthusiastically.

“Get a job!” Yi hollered.

“Ever thought about hand-to-hand combat training and swordsmanship?” Raya asked curiously and helpfully.

“Ride a bike around the block! Anything besides playing around with those B-Bots!” Giulia encouraged.

“Alright, alright, we get it. These are all interesting ideas, but let’s not overload Ron.” Barney held his hands up to get everyone to slow it down with their incoming suggestions just coming at him and his friends in rapid-fire succession.

“The settings have not been uploaded.” Ron chimed in, absent-mindedly.

“And I’m not so sure about karaoke, concerts, playing instruments or playing…….what was it again?” Barney reasoned, before turning to Camilo.

“Fútbol.” He responded.

“Oh, no. Not football! Anything but that!” Rudolf shouted with fright, that very word taking him way back to a traumatic experience.

Even Kris himself was incredibly discombobulated and blanched white in the face as the memory suddenly flooded his mind like a storming tsunami. Since then he’s hated football with all his heart and swore to himself to never play that sport ever again, even if his life depended on it.

“No, fútbol is actually Spanish for ‘soccer’.” Julieta corrected.

“Oh, I get it. You guys call football ‘soccer’ in your country?” The naive boy in the winter clothes asked. Then Stig angrily punched him on the head for that.

“OH!”

“Why do you need to be doing that?” Ruby thundered at him for his aggression.

“Please don’t mind that at all. It’s just our way of showing love.” Roar defended his best friend, rubbing Rudolf’s head as if he were a pet. “Our buddy here may be a little dense, but nothing but a ball of sunshine.”

“Okay, but-”

“Good to know. Alright, let’s continue.” Kade concluded the conversation.

RICH:
“Hey, you’re a rock star, Barney.”

(Being the jokester that he was, he gets on the bench and way too close into Barney’s personal space, further adding to his humiliation, even having his B-Bot record everything. Barney is unamused.)

RICH’S B-BOT:
“Oh, snap.”

RICH:
“Ha-ha! You get it?”

”Hilarious.” Yi remarked dryly.

“Yeah, you can tell I’m laughing so hard.” Stig sarcastically with a bored look on his face.

Gogo, in spite of herself, couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle at the goth boy’s indifferent retort. Rich looked like a deer in headlights, then winced at his past behavior.

“Typical Rich.” Noah was rolling his eyes.

(Smash cut to the cafeteria. Barney is in line getting lunch when Rich and Jayden approach him from both sides to taunt him some more.)

RICH:
“Who’s your favorite movie star? The Rock ?” (HIGH-FIVES JAYDEN)

BARNEY:
(UNIMPRESSED) “Killer, Rich.”

Everyone who did understand the joke were completely unimpressed and annoyed by the blonde boy’s persistent taunts on poor Barney.

”Yeah, killer.” Fei Fei groaned.

“Who’s the Rock, anyway?” asked Tuesday, speaking up. “And why’s he called that? Are they really a rock?”

“Dwayne Johnson, professional wrestler and actor, also known as ‘The Rock’.” Billy felt it was his right to fill that question in. “You oughta check him out. He’s like this big muscular guy. He’s been in a lot of movies like Game Plan, the Fast and the Furious franchise, a bunch of stuff.”

“Yeah, he’s, like, so awesome and so badass!” Katie cheered.

“Never heard of him.” expressed Roar.

“What?!” Katie was gobsmacked.

“Oh, man, this is hell.” Kent facepalmed, exhaling a long-suffering sigh.

(Smash cut to outside the stalls of the boy’s restroom. Jayden, Alex and Rich are in two opposite stalls while Barney is occupying the middle with the trio of delinquents peer over the top into Barney’s stall, continuing their taunting.)

RICH:
“You rock, man!”

BARNEY:
“Just gets funnier and funnier.”

”Are you guys kidding right now?” Siobhan balked scornfully.

“Just leave the kid be already! Geez!” chastised Tadashi, glaring at them.

“Okay, so maybe I wasn’t as nice in the past.” Rich mused remorsefully.

“Ya think?” Daniela quipped.

(Smash cut to the end of the day when school is over and everyone is leaving, Barney especially. Unfortunately, Rich and his buddies keep it up.)

RICH:
“Oh, hey, Barney. Can we rock up at your house?”

RICH’S B-BOT:
“That’s funny, Rich.”

RICH:
“Check out your awesome rock collection?”

”Man, you just don’t know when to stop, do you?” Isabela crossed her arms, frowning.

“Yeah, the internet and online fame does tend to bring out the worst in some of us.” Kade shrugged his shoulders, holding a disapproved face.

“.....” That part about fame seemed to strike a chord with the Madrigals and not in a positive way, even Alma could find the strength within her soul to add anything to that, not even to speak up against it because she knows it’s not worth the effort.

Marc, while proud of his technological accomplishment, was beginning to wonder about the cons in lieu of the pros in regard to his B-Bot creations. He had designed and built them specifically for the sole purpose of helping people make friends and having fun, but what was currently being presented to him on screen, it seemed to work in a different way than he was hoping. The B-Bots were being used as nothing more than tools for kids to become popular, only bringing out the worst in them and making them into stuck up, fame-obsessed posers, at least according to Savannah and Rich. And he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for his contribution in that.

(Then the three howl with derisive laughter. Barney scooters off across the bridge and back into his neighborhood.)

BARNEY:
“No, Rich. (USES INHALER) I’m afraid you can’t come to my house…….for some reason.”

”Okay, I guess I earned that one.” The rapper-dressed boy in question remarked.

(Barney arrives at his two-story house on the block. It looks fairly different from the other houses to be honest. There’s a huge wild garden with a variety of vegetables growing from sunflowers to pumpkins, a clothesline with colorful clothes and garments hanging from them on pins and there was a ridiculously tall and bulky communication antenna on the roof.)

Everyone took a close and wide gander at the strange house that Barney lived in, that looked strikingly different from the other average houses on his block. Brooke and Claire eyed the spectacle of a house with unblinking wide eyes and curiously and interestingly enough, it reminded them of the dusty old shack house that the Aviator lived in next door to them. Literally everything about it from the uncut grass to the worn-out architecture truly separated it from every other house in their neighborhood which all looked painfully alike in shape and design.

“That’s where you live?” The mother asked, taken aback.

“Um, yeah. Why?” He asked her.

“Well, it’s uh,.......it’s uh,..........” She struggled, really struggled to come up with something to say that didn’t offend him in any way when suddenly her daughter came to her rescue.

“Exquisite!” The little girl beamed with a convincing smile, nudging her mother.

“Yes, exquisite!” Brooke nodded, then muttered to herself, “But that lawn could really use some serious trimming.”

“And culturally advanced.” Asha remarked with a genuine smile. “It’s like your own personal farm and garden with everything you need.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s right. You got your pumpkins, your lettuces, your carrots, your corn, your tomatoes. You’re definitely good to go.” Her mother, Sakina backed her up.

“Never thought of it that way.” Barley shrugged.

“But that garden looks a little packed, though. How do you even get around in there?” asked Lily.

“I agree. Props to setting up that magnificent garden and all, but does it need to fill the whole yard?” Ba Ba asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry. It’s not that bad when you get used to it after a while. Just ask my Gran. She’s very insistent on this kind of thing.” Barney answered with reassurance and a fond smile at himself, remembering his dear grandmother. 

“Well, your Gran sure knows how to harvest those crops. I’ll give her that.” complimented Searcher.

(Barney dismounted his scooter and walked up to the front door where a hen stood, clucking. Suddenly, a goat springs from the cornstalks and bites on Barney’s backpack, playing tug-of-war with him.)

BARNEY:
“Come on! Get off! Hey!”

Barney’s friends all shared a good laugh at the goat’s rambunctiousness. Ian and Barley chuckled, thinking back to their own dragon pet back at home.

”You guys have chickens and a goat?” Susan blurted.

“Yeah, pretty much.” nodded Barney.

Noah rubbed his midsection, remembering that time at the party when he was younger when the goat kicked him.

“My money’s on the goat.” Nimona smirked wickedly.

“Shouldn’t that goat be on a leash or put in a pen?” asked Auntie Ling. “Does it need to be roaming free like that?”

“I wouldn’t think so, unless he’s important to the family.” Kris brazenly concurred. “In fact, we have two goats of our own back at home.”

“You do?” Savannah asked, eyes turning round.

“Seriously?” asked Mei, perplexed.

“How can you handle two goats?” Ming demanded, gobsmacked and positively dumbfounded.

“You realize goats are aggressive and stubborn, don’t you?” added Wu, emphasizing her daughter’s point.

“Not like ours.” Kris shook his head. “Sure, they may be standoffish and rough sometimes, but only to protect us and when we do something foolings. They’re like our protectors.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, we also have three roosters and Stig’s got a snake, a wolfdog and a spider.”

Everyone’s eyes turned wide until they almost popped out of their heads and their breaths became still and stagnant when all eyes fell upon the goth boy and he only shrugged.

“Are you suicidal or something?” Gogo huffed at him incredulously.

“Eh.” He only said very offhandedly and nonchalantly.

“How can you possibly manage pets like those?! What kind of snake or spider do you own?” asked Steve with a fiery tone.

“I, uh, have an albino reticulated python and a trapdoor spider.” He answered, sounding bored and unfazed by their critiques.

“....”

.

.

.

.

At this, a deafening silence fell upon the auditorium.

(He makes it through the front door, still fighting the goat.)

BARNEY:
“It’s my birthday, you dumb goat!”

Everyone laughed at the scene.

“Gnasher and Grinder aren’t this aggressive with us.” Stig whispered into Kris’s ear.

(Wrestling his backpack free, he slams the door on the goat and hears his father in the living room.)

GRAHAM:
“Sorry, are we on the line? Is that…? Yes, hello!”

(In the living room, which had been converted into a makeshift office space surrounded by file cabinets, an office printer on the chair, stacks of paper on the couch, papers strewn about the floor and sitting at a desk in front of a computer hooked up to a dangerous amount of USB cables was Barney’s father, GRAHAM - a tall, skinny, geeky, overworked and devoted middle-aged man in a business suit and a comfy pair of sweats and wearing headset with a microphone speaker. He is a, shall we say, pioneer telemarketer of sorts, a self-made, stay-at-home businessman for ‘Pudowski’s Novelty Exports’ that sells cheap wares, gifts and knick-knacks internationally. Or at least, he tries to in an effort to make ends meet for his struggling family.)

And as all within the room gazed at the scene on screen when Barney’s father appeared, all inspective eyes varied in ways you cannot imagine. His single father had converted the entire living room into his own makeshift office for a business that seemed ineffective for financial revenue. And certainly not helping is the fact that there’s like an absurdly unnecessary amount of cables hooked up to that monitor he was using, setting up a potential electrical fire risk. There was so much to unpack here, but basically the obvious certitude was that he was likely single and unemployed, finding ways to make ends meet to support his family. 

“Yeah, that’s my dad, everyone.” Barney nervously smiled at everyone.

“I’m sorry, but what exactly is all this he’s doing?” Annie was the first one to ask the most apparent question of all.

“He’s, um, setting up his own business selling novelty items to people across the globe.” explained Barney, rubbing his shoulder.

“Yeah, this is some operation he’s got going on there.” Came forth the snide response of Gabo with his arms crossed.

“That is just a dangerous amount of cables. Why does he need that many anyway to power one monitor?” asked Claire, eyes bugging out at the set of cables.

“She’s right. He’s likely to start a house fire that way.” Her mother proclaimed, nodding in agreement. Barney and his friends all winced at that part about a house fire. “Just look at that entire setup. He’s got file cabinets piled on the furniture, a copy machine on a chair, heaps of paper stacks, including those cables. This…..this looks like a recipe for disaster.”

“But….”

“Yeah, I know, right?” Barney was interrupted when Ming agreed with the little girl’s mother. “And this business of his? What was it again? He sells novelties to people everyone from that cramped living space and that house you live in? He doesn’t seriously expect to actually make a living off of that. And where is your mother? Surely, she must have some feasible job.”

“My mom’s dead.” He answered.

Everyone was taken aback, but some people in the room who had single parents can relate to this, especially Kris and Stig. It’s not easy raising a family all on your own.

“She died when I was young. Very young.”

“But still, why can’t your father just get a job and earn money in a better way?” demanded Ming strictly, still sticking to her opinion.

“He probably couldn’t find a place to work.” Ava objected.

“Or maybe he just wanted to remain close to his son while he worked.” hypothesized Arthur C. empathically.

GRAHAM:
“So, today, Mr. Takahashi, Pudowski Novelty Exports International are very excited to offer you this highly amusing novelty, the Brother Bouncy car monk.”

(He holds up the item in question; a bobblehead-like monk figure with arms out. Not really that impressive.)

Everyone winced at it. That item really did not have much appeal to it, which further begs the question on how Graham even expects to earn decent income with his business if he’s selling low-grade knick-knacks like those.

“Uh…..” Mirabel was at a loss for words.

“What is that supposed to do?” asked Wild.

“That’s what he sells?” The Businessman scoffed with a snicker. “Oh my god, that’s just pathetic. Give me a break.”

Barney glared angrily. The Klaxons started laughing loudly and obnoxiously, seeing the pitiful circumstances his father was in.

“Oh my god! Is this his business? Is this really how he makes a living?” Irmagard cackled a high-pitched laugh. “Selling off a bunch of worthless pieces of crap to people?”

“That man is an even bigger loser than his son!” Her husband, Lane, joined in on the slander.

“I mean, what else do you expect from low-class vagabonds such as himself?” jeered Irmagard, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Siobhan shifted uncomfortably in her side, feeling as if she were being crushed under the weight of her parent’s downright awful behavior. Her two friends comforted her with pats on her shoulder while Kat gave her a scrutinizing stare.

“Don’t listen to them.” Savannah whispered to Barney.

GRAHAM:
“He wiggles, he bounces, he’s got...”

TAKAHASHI:
“Uh, no…..”

GRAHAM:
“He’ll hold your phone.”

(Graham desperately places his phone on the thing, but it quickly slips off.)

TAKAHASHI:
“....uh…..”

Everyone sighed either out of disappointment, annoyance or sympathy for the guy. He’s really going through a lot of struggles for his family. Alma herself was starting to remember when she had to raise three of her triplet babies all by herself after Pedro gave up his life for them. And since then, looking after three children, with gifts no less, was already a tough challenge in and of itself. 

“Again, I insist that that man gets a job. A well-paying one at that.” Ming reiterated.

“Show some respect, huh?” Kade scolded her. “It’s hard to juggle your work life and family life when it’s just you running the show.”

“That’s a fair point.” Kris said.

“Typical peasants.” Long rolled his eyes and shook his head snootily.

(Graham finally notices Barney.)

GRAHAM:
“Hi, Barney. Good day?”

BARNEY:
“Uh…”

GRAHAM:
“Mr. Takahashi, are you there? Hello? (HE OBVIOUSLY HUNG UP) Mom, did you unplug my router again? I had Tokyo! I need this contract.”

(Barney stares strangely at him for a moment before answering lamely.)

BARNEY:
“Sure. It was fine.”

“He hung up, didn’t he?” Li Na’s calculative intuition blurted out.

“Yeah.” replied Barney.

“Just checking.”

DONKA:
“Barney!”

(Barney walks into the kitchen while Graham keeps attempting to contact his client.)

GRAHAM:
“Mr. Takahashi? Hello?”

(Pushing through the beaded curtain, Barney walked in to see his grandmother, referred to as DONKA, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him. She was a short, heavyset Eastern European old woman in a yellow sweater over a blue shirt, an apron and sneakers, holding a huge cleaver. There was a huge tarp over the kitchen table and dozens of other clotheslines, along with cured meats, hanging above.)

“Oof. Ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” King Magnifico turned away, turned off by the old woman’s elderly appearance.

That made Kade electrify him with a lightning bolt as punishment.

“Ow! Seriously?!”

“Watch your mouth, pal.” The gracious host hissed at him.

“First the living room and now the kitchen?” asked Sister Helley in disbelief. “I really mean no offense to you or your grandmother, but the cultural accommodations of your house seem a bit overdone in my opinion. I mean, why does the laundry need to hang right above where you folks eat?”

“Donka really prefers the old-fashioned standard of living from the old country, you know?” Barney said in his grandmother’s defense.

“And why are there meats hanging from the ceiling?” Callisto asked, perturbed.

“It’s a typical curing process called aging. It allows the meats to enhance their flavor better by drying them via air circulation.” answered Boun profoundly. “I cook a bit myself. I know my stuff.”

“He does. You should try his congee.” Sisu nodded with a smile, licking her lips.

“Plus, it probably helps save space.” Julieta covered. 

DONKA:
“♪ Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. ♪ Come. Eyes shut. That’s it.” (OPENS UP THE WINDOW SEPARATING THE KITCHEN FROM THE LIVING ROOM) Graham.”

GRAHAM:
“Yep. Yep.”

DONKA:
“♪ Happy birthday, dear Barney. ♪”

GRAHAM:
“♪ Dear Barney….♪”

BOTH:
“♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪”

As everyone witnessed the heartwarming scene, all thoughts of the family's financial struggles and questionable living conditions were pushed aside. Instead, they were captivated by the sight of this small family radiating joy and love for one another, despite their hardships. Even the father, who was usually busy with work, took a moment to join in on his son's birthday celebration. Coraline couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy as she compared her own absent parents to the present ones in front of her.

In that moment, Mirabel couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness wash over her. She couldn't imagine growing up without the love and support of her parents, who were always there for her in times of need, no matter how busy they were, but Alma’s iron grip on the family limited these moments between them. Even Kris thought back to his home life right before his powers unlocked when his drunk mother was absent from most of his life. His grandfathers offered some support, but they’d spent a majority of their time being glued to the television screen.

DONKA:
“Ta-da! (WHIPS OUT A WOOL BALACLAVA-LIKE BEANIE HAT) For my lovely boy.”

BARNEY:
“Thanks, Gran. Ow!”

DONKA:
“Oops.”

(There’s a knitting needle stuck in it, which she removes.)

DONKA:
“Made with love. And our own goat wool.”

”How thoughtful of her.” Honey smiled warmly.

“That’s a really weird-looking ha-” Gabo was silenced by an annoyed Dahlia, reaching over to stomp his foot with her crutch, glaring down at him to shut his mouth up and not be inconsiderate.

GRAHAM:
“And from me...”

(Barney closes his eyes tightly and wonders hopefully in his thoughts while father reaches for his own gift to him.)

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Could it be?’

GRAHAM:
“Wait for it.”

BARNEY:
(THINKING) ‘Is there any possible way?’

(It’s placed in front of him and Barney opens his eyes to see…..a Geo Genius 2000 Junior Rock Hammer set.)

”Well, I totally saw that coming.” Stig snorted thinly.

“Stig!” Kris growled with an annoyed expression, though still used to his sardonic attitude.

“Wait, you actually thought you were getting a B-Bot?” scoffed Jin. “Hardly.”

“I’m gonna have to agree with him on this.” Yi hesitantly and regretfully voiced. “I mean, we’ve already seen the housing conditions they live in and that business his father’s running. With that operation he’s got going on, does he really make enough money to even afford a B-Bot?”

Barney facepalmed, irked with himself for such foolishness. Of course his father wasn’t earning a billion dollars with the stuff he sells internationally, so why would he have any reason to believe Graham would be able to get him a B-Bot for his birthday?

“Well, those B-Bots certainly don’t look cheap.” Linda shrugged.

“Clearly.” Mark conceded.

“So you got a rock hammer set. That’s…..that’s nice.” Auntie Mei gently and carefully selected her words wisely. “It’s not a B-Bot, but at least you got something for your birthday, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.” Barney spoke honestly.

“It isn’t really the gifts that matter.” North reminded him. “It is thought that counts.”

“Yeah, don’t stress over material stuff. At least you have a family that cares so much.” Jack responded.

“Uh, thanks.”

“But wait, how did you get Ron, then?” Fred asked, pointing at the B-Bot in confusion.

“I…….” Barney looked over at Kade, who silently reminded him not to spoil anything. “It’s better if you wait to find out. I really can’t say.”

BARNEY:
“Wow. Rock hammers.”

GRAHAM:
“You always did love your rocks.”

BARNEY:
“Yeah, I did. Always. Used to. Thanks, Dad. (SNEEZES) And Gran.”

(Donka wipes out a giant birthday cake from the oven as Barney removes the hat.)

BARNEY:
“I just…the goats’ wool and my allergies.”

”Aww, so you don’t appreciate your grandmother’s gift?” Grandmamah spoke teasingly. “That she worked so hard on?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just……I can’t really help it. My allergies act up.” Barney tried to reason with her.

DONKA:
“Oh, no, no, no. No one in Pudowski family have allergy.”

GRAHAM:
“What about Uncle Boris?”

DONKA:
“He was possessed. By a demon in a cashew.”

GRAHAM:
“I don’t know, Mom.”

”Yeah, I’m calling shenanigans on that.” Gabo retorted.

DONKA:
“What time your friends come, Barney?”

(Then she removes the sheet to reveal a huge banquet of dishes and hors d’oeuvres for Barney’s birthday party. There were cupcakes, sausages, charcuterie cheeses and salami slices and cups for drinks.)

DONKA:
“I cook all day.”

“Wow. What a spread.” Wage yelped in surprise.

“I’ll say.” Babo licked his lips hungrily.

“Oh, man. That actually looks pretty good. Now I really wish you had invited us.” Noah marveled at the sight of the food.

Julieta was quite impressed at the food on the table. Donka seemed like a fine cook herself.

“Did she seriously have all that food covered with a tarp?” asked Mitch, scratching her head.

Neil shook his head, sighing.

BARNEY:
“Wow!”

DONKA:
“Real food.” (HOLDS OUT A PLATE OF SAUSAGES)

(Then Graham helps himself to some tripe soup in a pot.)

GRAHAM:
“Yum! Shkembe! Bet your friends never had tripe soup before.”

”Tripe soup? What’s that?” asked Victor F. with curiosity.

“It’s a soup made from tripe, which is the muscle lining of an animal’s stomach, either beef or cow.” answered Asha.

“Ew.” The Spygirls all cringed.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Luca disagreed. “I wouldn’t mind trying some.”

“We actually have some at home. It’s called trippa. Though it’s more pasta than soup.” Giulia told him, shuddering. “I don’t care for it that much, but you should totally try it.”

“We have tripe soup in Colombia, too.” said Luisa. “It’s called mondongo.”

(Donka pulls out a ‘Happy Birthday’ record album with a fat gentleman on the cover with perfect hair and playing a concertina.)

DONKA:
“Ooh! I put on Zany Bogomil! (PLAYS RECORD) Like last time we had party, remember? When you were six.”

All of the Nonsuch kids fell dead silent at the old woman’s words.

“What was that party like?” asked Agustín.

“You’ll see in just one second.” answered the godlike host from the front row.

Even at this very moment, Barney was on the edge of his seat, hoping and praying to God that whatever earth he was on could swallow him up right now and give him a quick and painless death.

(This brings Barney back to a very cringey memory of the past. Flashback to years ago when Barney invited Savannah, Rich, Ava and Noah to his 6th birthday at his house while the Zany Bogomil song ‘Tiki Tiki Taka’ plays. As a party game, Donka has the five youngsters toss kitchen knives at a poster of an angry Joseph Stalin below the sign ‘Poke the Dictator!’.) 

Once this flashback came up, it had a massively wide mixed reception. Some were gushing at how cute the kids looked when they were younger, some were perplexed to see all of the kids Barney spoke with at school earlier came to that party and some, naturally, were caught off-guard by this unexpected game they were playing. As for Barney, Savannah, Ava, Noah and Rich, they couldn’t believe they were being shown a detailed memory of that unfaithful party long ago. Sure, it had its moments, but it still didn’t end very well for a lot of them.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Alma erupted, gaping at this horrendous and dangerous display. “What does she think she’s doing?! Letting little niños play with knives?!”

“She must be out of her mind!” Agatha bellowed.

Barney groaned, gripping his skull.

“What sort of party game possibly involves tossing cutlery at a poster of…….whoever that strange man is?” commented Victoria.

(Next, the kids were outside playing ‘Pin the Tail on the Donkey’. Well, more like ‘Pin the Tail on the Goat’ since Noah mistakenly pins one on the family goat’s butt while blindfolded. This makes the animal kick him in the face.)

Everyone gasped and winced, cringing as they imagined the pain he must’ve felt getting kicked in the stomach like that by a goat. Noah winced also, remembering the pain of the goat kicking him when he thought he had pinned the tail on the donkey.

“Uh, shouldn’t there be a donkey poster for that?” asked Peng.

“Boy, some party this is.” Dr. Zara grumbled with a derisive smirk.

At this point, Barney wanted nothing more than to un-exist as soon as possible.

(Then they did the piñata. It was Savannah’s turn and she managed to smash it open with the stick. Instead of candy, however, it was filled with sausage links that landed on her head. The poor blindfolded girl screamed bloody-murder and ran away in fear.)

In spite of the peculiar proceedings shown on screen, her friends chuckled at her reaction. Savannah blushed madly, totally embarrassed.

“Why’d you scream?” asked Sloane.

“I thought they were human guts or something!” The girl barked.

“Where’s the candy?” asked Antonio in his childlike innocence.

“My gran wanted to get creative.” Barney quavered.

(When they got to the birthday cake, Barney was about to blow out the candles, but was interrupted by a chicken jumping onto the table. Donka chases after it with a cleaver in an attempt to kill it, chopping into the cake in the process and accidentally causing the lit candles to fall over and set the table on fire. Cut to later when the fire got out of control, all the kids fled the house as it went up in smoke while Donka was being berated by a police officer outside.)

Many of the audience members gasped in shock as the party escalated into a complete disaster, all because of culture clash and Donka’s carelessness in handling the festivities and her actions led to the house catching on fire. The insanity of it all. It’s no wonder why Barney hesitated in inviting his classmates over to his house for his current party. It’s hard to blame him after what he’s been through. However, there were a couple who were laughing at the scene like Wendell and Wild, Nimona, the Klaxons, Chelsea just to name a few, reveling in the disaster unfolding before their eyes.

“Ugh! Unbelievable!” Wu, on the other hand, was positively irate as she smacked a hand at her face in frustration. “Your grandmother is an utter maniac! The knives, the goat, the sausages, chasing a chicken with a cleaver, almost butchering the children and now she sets the house on fire?! That woman should NOT be trusted with running a child’s birthday party at all!”

“Wu, calm down!” Ping berated her stingy sister.

“No, I will not calm down! Those children could’ve been seriously hurt!” argued Wu.

“Y-Yeah, and we received angry complaints from their parents about it afterwards.” Barney scratched his neck nervously.

“I bet you guys did. Putting your friends' lives in danger and torching your own house? Was your grandmother even arrested?” Brooke huffed sternly.

“No, she was just given a warning and we had to pay for the fire damage.” Barney squeaked.

“Is this really why you didn’t invite us?” asked Ava, sounding remorseful.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

There was a moment of tense silence amongst them before Savannah finally broke the ice, hoping she would tread carefully with her words.

“Look, Barney. I get it. That may have been a disaster, but wasn’t really……..terrible. Looking back now, I actually did kinda have fun.”

“Rich definitely did.” Noah pointed out, poking a thumb at him. “Heck, he seemed pretty fine with almost being torched.”

“It was a spur-of-the-moment thing! I was a kid!” Rich defended, blushing red.

“You gotta admit, though, it’s completely understandable why he didn’t have the guts to invite you guys to another birthday party of his.” Katie jumped into their conversation.

“Of course it is.” huffed Daniela. “Do you think their parents would even allow their kids to go after what happened last time?”

“And from how you guys are now, from what we’ve seen on screen so far, there is a lingering possibility you guys probably wouldn’t be interested in coming anyway.” Trevin replied, shrugging his shoulders.

“Exactly, seeing as how the distance that’s increased between you all over the years, not to mention your apparent dependence on your B-Bots and the superficial desire for admiration and popularity.” Ambrosious stated in a sage-like manner.

Deep down, they knew everyone had valid points. The memory of that disastrous party with the throwing knives game, the piñata with the sausages and the house catching on fire clung to them like a barbed wire. Even if Barney did muster up the courage to invite them to his party, they would most likely turn his offer down for the sake of social status and that they’d probably think Barney was too weird to even be associated with them and the fact that he didn’t have a B-Bot, considering the boy’s social standing at the school. 

Noah might’ve been open to attending his party, partially out of a sense of curiosity or a sense of inclusivity. He and Barney may not have been close at the time, but he wasn’t by any means awful to him in any way. 

Ava would’ve been hesitant. Not necessarily cruel or condescending, but like Savannah, she adheres to a more popular crowd, preferably one that shares her own interests alone. She would’ve declined just to avoid being seen with Barney out of fear of how she’d look. But if she did accept, possibly she’d think it would, one way or another, benefit her footing in her selected social group.

Rich, for a lack of a better term, was a bully, no doubt about it. And as such, he preyed on Barney’s insecurities. He probably would’ve accepted the invitation for the sole intention of mocking Barney, pulling harsh pranks on him and basically ruining the party for him, all the while capturing it all on film for his channel to earn more likes and followers.

And Savannah, without a shadow of a doubt, would’ve declined without question. As the popular girl in school, she was more focused on fame, glamor and perfect image above all else. Attending a party for a socially-awkward classmate of hers, who has no conceivable direction in the school’s social order that would benefit her, wouldn’t really appeal to her as much since she’d see no value in it.

And giving this some thought really made them reflect on themselves. 

(Return to the present with Barney looks aghast at recalling that painful memory of his childhood.)

BARNEY:
“Um, actually, the thing is…no one’s coming to the party.”

GRAHAM:
“No one?”

DONKA:
(SLUMPS TO A SEAT) “You ask and all say no?”

”No, he didn’t ask them. And they probably still would’ve said no.” Bunnymund grunted.

(His father takes a seat next to him with a sigh.)

GRAHAM:
“Son, we, uh…we’re a little worried about you. You….you never go out with anyone or have friends over. You know, that’s why we thought you’d invite the whole class! Get the whole gang over here, right? You know, get you in the swing of things with everyone.”

DONKA:
“I make food for all your buddies.”

The Ron’s Gone Wrong crew started to feel bad for Barney and his hesitance at inviting them. Being the only kid in school without a B-Bot was pitiful enough, but throwing a birthday party with nobody to invite and nobody to show up, that’s much worse than not having a B-Bot.

BARNEY:
“I don’t really have……you know, they probably just didn’t read the invites. No one does paper these days. They send messages……with their B-Bots.”

GRAHAM:
“Really? You need a B-Bot to have a social life these days?”

DONKA:
“Eh, pfft!”

”Does he, though?” asked Bryony.

“Lot of youths are like that nowadays.” Kade replied, shrugging. “It’s all about phones, selfies, social media, how many likes you get, how people are watching or following, all that jazz. It’s like a new language.”

“How many people are watching or following?” asked Rudolf, a little creeped out and not understanding any of the modern concepts.

“That’s disturbing.” Stig noted, popping a single popcorn into his mouth.

“Why, that’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.” Chang’e stifled a chuckle behind her hand in a dainty fashion.

“I don’t mean in the way you’re thinking.” countered Kade.

“It basically means how many fans out there are watching your videos or seeing your posts, then they like it and they follow your account.” Billy answered by explaining it in the best way he knows.

“I…..still don’t get it.” Sisu stammered, pulling a face.

“Look, it’s modern slang. Let’s not get into all that right now.” Jen told them, brushing off the confusions of those not familiar with the modern world or its noteworthy facets.

“Well, in any case, is getting a B-Bot really gonna help you get friends?” asked Felix to Barney. “Real friends, I mean? And not ones that, well, do all that stuff they just mentioned?”

“You’ve all seen him and his classmates at school and how everyone interacts, right? So of course I would think that.” Fei Fei answered before Barney could.

“Well, it would seem those kids are teaching the wrong lesson, if only unintentionally.” Ballister spoke wisely.

Barney’s friend looked at each other and shared uncomfortable and remorseful expressions. They did have good points. Looking at all this now, perhaps they did let their materialism rub off on the boy, even if they never meant to. All this talk about B-Bots, social fame and glamor and the desire to be seen and heard had affected him in a negative and unhealthy light.

BARNEY:
“Yeah, Dad, kind of.”

GRAHAM:
“No, I don’t want you addicted to some device. You should be out there in the woods, kicking around with a buddy. Get out there, Barn. Interact. You don’t wanna spend your whole life…..glued to a…..”

(His voice trails off when he phone chimes and he leaves the conversation to consult it, which kinda undermines the point he was trying to make since he’s now focused on a tiny screen.)

”Ugh! Are you kidding me!?” Ming facepalmed at seeing the man contradicting himself. And he was just making a very compelling argument as well.

“Then regardless, I do agree with the guy.” testified Rick. “Who needs B-Bots anyway? Getting one of those isn’t the answer. You don’t need to be sticking your face into a tiny screen all day. If you want friends, you gotta get out there and talk to them. And he’s right, the woods aren't a bad place to hang out.”

“I may not share his interests, but I’m with my husband here. Try to get out of your shell and use words, not devices.” Linda said while rubbing Rick’s shoulder.

DONKA:
“B-Bots.”

GRAHAM:
(DISTRACTEDLY) “What?”

DONKA:
“It’s just a craze and they cost a fortune.”

GRAHAM:
“Mmm-hmm.”

“Seriously?” Ming was baffled at how distracted he was now. So much for that rousing speech about device addiction.

“Of course they do. Why would things like those come cheap?” Coraline replied. “Those things are huge!” 

BARNEY:
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It’s….it’s a waste of money. No big deal.”

(He was about to eat a sausage when the doorbell rang.)

MAN:
“Bubble delivery.”

”Uh, what?” Ethan was befuddled.

“Wait, is this how you get Ron?” asked Norman. “But I thought they didn’t get you one?”

Barney kept his mouth shut about it while Rich blanched white, then twiddled his fingers nervously.

(Barney lights up, gleaming with excitement. He goes to answer the door with Graham following. He is gobsmacked, but Graham is confused.)

BARNEY:
“What? It can’t be! Dad, you were kidding me!”

(There was a familiar-shaped gift on the front porch wrapped in gift wrap and a blue bow, leading Barney to believe it to be a B-Bot that he was hoping for.)

”Is this Ron? It’s Ron, isn’t it?” Fred chirped excitedly.

Everyone seemed excited that Barney was finally getting his own B-Bot and hoped that maybe he’d be able to fit in with the rest of his peers. 

However, many of the more observant members of the audience had a pretty funny feeling about this. Remembering how Graham looked barely to be making a buck or more with that shoddy online business of his and the condition of the house they lived in said a lot about their financial health. Something in them told them that this couldn’t be what Barney thought it was.

And for his part, Rich was trying to hide underneath his hat, hoping for it to pass over soon.

BARNEY:
“I knew you wouldn’t just give me rock hammers! I knew it!”

(He rips away the wrapping……and his happiness quickly fades. Nope, it’s just an oval-shaped rock with a B-Bot face spray-painted on it.)

BARNEY:
“Oh……a rock.”

Everyone who had high hopes involuntarily let their smiles fall. However, this didn’t come off as surprising to the smarter ones in the crowd at all.

“Why am I not surprised?” Dr. Zara rolled her eyes.

“So Bubble comes to deliver a B-Bot to your front door with it pre-wrapped in birthday wrapping. None of that sounded off to you?” asked Laurel.

“I was just desperate to have a B-Bot.” Barney covered his face, angry at himself for falling for that stupid joke.

“So who sent the rock then?” asked Peng.

Rich stiffened, but said nothing, already knowing what’s about to happen.

(From out of their hiding spots in the garden, Rich and his friends come out to laugh at him with their B-Bot’s live-streaming everything and jamming to the beat of Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’.)

B-BOTS:
“♪ We will, we will rock you. ♪”

RICH:
“Yo, I got the whole thing, bro. It was hilarious, Barn. You thought it was a B-Bot.”

And just like that, some people groaned in annoyance, some people sent icy glares at the boy for his harsh prank and some even threw things at him.

“Ow! Hey! Okay, okay, yeah, I get it! It was dumb and mean!” Rich shielded himself from the barrage of debris thrown his way.

“Really, Rich?” Savannah glowered at him.

Ava punched him in the arm, making him yell in pain.

(Barney lumbers back into the house in defeat while his father and grandmother watch him go.)

GRAHAM:
“A B-Bot?”

BARNEY:
“Let it go, Rich.”

DONKA:
“You get out of here! You want I pour hot chicken fat down your pants!?”

Everyone started laughing, feeling relieved that his grandmother was telling those rude boys off for her grandson. Rich was blushing madly in embarrassment as seeing his jerkish self onscreen.

(While Donka chases the trio of delinquents away, Graham watches his son climb the steps to his room with the rock hammer set in hand, disheartened and disappointed.)

GRAHAM:
“Barney, what’s going on?”

BARNEY:
(SIGHS) “It’s okay, Dad. Really. These are great.”

”S-Sorry, bro.” Rich meekly said, but couldn’t bear to look him in the eye right now.

(Graham stands there in pity. Later, he and Donka are driving wildly through the streets in their rickety old truck in a hurry with Donka behind the wheel. The goat is riding in the back.)

GRAHAM:
“I hope they’re not closed.”

DONKA:
“B-Bots, B-Bots. Get him something useful like a snow shovel. (MAKES A SHARP TURN) Or a cordless drill.”

“Or a #3 Robertson head non-slip-”

“NO!!!” His family, even Aaron, yelled angrily before Rick could finish and he pouted about it.

“Are they seriously gonna buy a B-Bot?” asked Gogo incredulously.

GRAHAM:
“It’s what he really wanted. If his mom were alive, she’d have known that.”

(Donka is moved to tears by this, speaking in her native Slavic tongue and blows her nose in a hanky.)

”I’m glad he knows his wife well and he’s putting his son’s feelings first at least.” Daniela mused warmly.

GRAHAM:
“Mom, people! People!”

(Donka nearly runs over some pedestrians in front of them, thankfully missing them at the last minute. The truck swerves and fishtails sideways towards their destination - the Bubble store. Graham is hanging on for dear life while Donka is quite calm, clearly driven like this before.)

DONKA:
“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

The entire audience watched on in disbelief and terror at the woman’s reckless driving skills.

“Who taught that woman how to drive?” Brooke demanded.

(The truck skids right in front of the store and comes to a complete stop.)

DONKA:
“Perfect.”

”I swear, that woman is a walking disaster area.” Agatha pinched the bridge of her area, groaning.

(Unfortunately, they had arrived too late, because the exterior of the store displayed the message ‘Good Night’. Graham rushes out of the car with Donka, placing the knick-knack on the hood.)

”Wow. After all that.” Stig shook his head.

GRAHAM:
“Wait, wait, wait, wait! Argh! No, no, no!”

(The two hurry to the front entrance as it closes up, trying to get the employee’s attention - a pink-haired lady named BREE. The doors shut right in their faces.)

GRAHAM:
“.....hold on a second. Uh, it’s my son’s birthday. I need a B-Bot. (FUMBLES WITH HIS WALLET) Maybe just the basic model.”

(In response, Bree grins widely and uses her tablet to send them a message onto the see-through doors as they were as digital as the structure of the establishment. The message was short and quick saying, ‘Pre-order only’.)

”That’s to be expected.” Hiro shrugged. “And they’re already closing anyway.

GRAHAM:
“No, no, no.”

(Then another message read, ‘Three month wait’.)

GRAHAM:
“Hang on, please. Please, please.”

DONKA:
“I throw in goat. Goat for a B-Bot. She real friend. And when you get bored of this one - krrr! - you can eat her!”

Everyone’s eyes bugged open in horror.

“She……she’s going to…….” Antonio shook with worry and looked ready to cry. His big sister was quick to comfort him.

“No, no, hermano. She’s not.” She told him soothingly.

(The goat sitting in the truck freezes upon hearing this, terrified and flabbergasted before lowering down out of view as if to hide from a terrible fate.)

Despite the option offered to take the goat’s life, some people let themselves snicker at the animal’s reaction.

DONKA:
“Less waste, good for planet.”

GRAHAM:
“Yeah.”

(Another message read, ‘WE DO NOT ACCEPT GOAT’. Then Bree walks away.)

”Okay, whatever happened to using our mouths to talk?” Jack sighed at the lack of verbal communication the lady was providing.

DONKA:
“What?”

GRAHAM:
“No, no, no, no. Come on.”

DONKA:
“Three month wait? What is this? Stalinist Russia? I am not afraid of you, Bubble booble!”

”Hmph, ‘booble’.” Camilo snickered, failing to hold back laughter at the word. Though, this earned himself a smack on the head from his mother and a stern gaze that reminded him to not be rude.

(Graham walks away, feeling greatly distressed. At that moment, however, a delivery van drives by and enters the lower level where deliveries are shipped in. Graham, curious, wanders over and overhears a conversation.)

MAN #1:
“What do you got for me, pal?”

MAN #2:
“We got five pads and some phones.”

MAN #1:
“Yeah, what about that one?”

MAN #2:
“Uh, that one fell out of my van earlier.”

”Hold up. That same truck that almost hit Barney earlier?” asked Gobi in curiosity.

Barney’s eyes widened when it finally occurred to him. It truly was that same van that almost ran over him with that same capsule that Ron was in. And now that he thought about it, Ron probably did turn out the way he was because of Barney. He even looked at Ron with a look of surprise and revelation.

(Inside of the van amongst the shipments, there was a glowing blue B-Bot capsule, the same exact one that fell out of the van when it almost ran over Barney earlier that day. This brought a hopeful smile to Graham’s face.)

”Uh, he’s not thinking what I think he’s thinking, is he?” Brooke looked on suspiciously.

“Did he……steal him?” Abby was completely taken aback by this.

“Oh dear.” Malcolm gasped.

“He cannot be serious!” Pepa roared, at least thankful she didn’t have a storming cloud above her head. “So what if it’s his son’s birthday? He could’ve at least waited to buy one in the next few months!”

“But the poor man was desperate. And yes, maybe he did steal, but he just wanted his son to be happy.” Arthur C. tried to cover up.

“That’s no excuse!” Auntie Ling barked.

Everyone started arguing about it over whether or not Graham made a proper judgment call or not. This went on for a couple of minutes before Kade decided enough was enough. He stood up and shouted at the top of his lungs…..

“QUIET!!!!!!!!”

…….and the auditorium fell quickly silent with the only sound being the echo his yell left behind as it faded off until no other sound was made. Everyone froze, wisely shut their mouths, kept still and their eyes on him as he took a deep breath in and spoke.

“Yes, I get it. He did steal from a high-grade company, but think of it this way.” He started calmly. “He just wants Barney to have a social life and he wants him to have friends. And with the poor condition his family lives in, it isn’t uncommon for those kinds of people to resort to criminal acts in order to survive and support themselves. And Graham is really doing his best here, so let’s cut the guy a break, okay?”

“But what if he gets arrested for theft?” asked Agatha.

“He won’t. Trust me on that.”

“How wouldn’t he……” Agatha tried to persist, but her husband held her hand to remind her to just let it go. So she heaved a huge sigh and slumped her shoulders.

“So Barney’s finally getting his own B-Bot.” Claire deduced. “I’d like to see how this turns out.”

“Let’s just watch and find out.” Dolores replied.

Chapter Text

(The next morning, Barney is sleeping away on his bed in his room with the rock manual under his head. The B-Bot case sits before him.)

GRAHAM:
“Happy late birthday, Barney.”

“So now Barney’s finally getting his own B-Bot?” Bruno asked after a tense silence, finally breaking the ice.

“Looks like it.” Simon shrugged his shoulders.

“But the real question, I guess, is will it really get him friends? Real friends, I mean?” Neil asked, inquiring about the most important subject of the film - if Barney will ever have a real friendship. Seeing as how everyone else has developed ‘friendships’ in their own fans, viewers and subscribers, most of the modern-day audience wonders if Barney will gradually end up just like them. Just another superficial influencer only concerned with popularity and how many people are viewing them and their content.

“That is a good question. I just hope he doesn’t turn out like the others, no offense.” Norman replied, then looked over at the Ron’s Gone Wrong kids apologetically.

“I’m with you on that, actually.” replied Savannah, glad he didn’t become like her or the other kids for that matter.

“Like he’s ever going to make friends with anyone at all, even with one of those things.” Long scoffed at the idea.

“Long!”

“Hey, don’t look at me! Have you seen those other kids?”

“Ah, this B-Bot thing is all just a fad, anyway.” Katie waved it off, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, that’s just how it is, right? This hot new trend pops outta nowhere, it’s so popular that everyone’s obsessed with it, then they get bored and it’s onto the next thing. Everyone’s always tailing one new trend after another.”

“Agreed. These B-Bots will get old eventually.” Ruby chimed in.

“Social media won’t, though.” Yi disagreed, shrugging. “And these B-Bots are no different from iPhones, so there’s a 100% chance they’ll be more fiercely dependent on those things as we are with our phones for a long time.”

“You said it.” nodded Jin with his eyes buried in his phone’s screen at the moment. At this, Yi rolled her eyes and facepalmed.

“But verily, the boy can still befriend others of his own accord.” Victoria brought up, lifting a hand up. “Is the possession of these, um……….things truly requisite for making acquaintances among the other children? Can they not interact in person?”

“Not in the modern world, I’m afraid.” Jen shook her head. “Nowadays, it’s mostly gadgets and the internet.”

(Barney’s eyes blink open and widen when he sees it in front of him, exploding with excitement.)

BARNEY:
“Wha..? Dad! Oh, Dad! You got me one!”

GRAHAM:
“A real one this time.”

BARNEY:
“Yeah, I can see!”

“Gosh, I really hope nobody saw him when he took it.” Arthur G. responded with worry. He would really hate to see the poor man get arrested for stealing a B-Bot, even if it was for his son’s best interest.

“As a defense attorney, while I systematically do not condone the illicit act of theft, I still sympathize with him. He’s trying so hard to provide for his son.” explained Jen.

(He hugs both his father and grandmother in gratitude.)

Barney’s friends and everyone else smiled at the scene. However, looking back, Barney still can’t help but feel a bit guilty for making his dad resort to theft just to please him. It honestly makes him feel like he’s being spoiled. Sure, he was desperate to fit in and the verdict of owning a B-Bot was important in that regard - at least in everyone’s shared opinion at the time - but Ron had helped him understand that it wasn’t a B-Bot he needed.

BARNEY:
“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! And Gran!”

(Donka smooches him and he smooches her back, and then his father hugs him.)

GRAHAM:
“Hey, if you hurry, you can take it to school.”

“And maybe now, people won’t stare at him funny.” remarked Margot.

“Thanks for that brilliant observation, Margot.” Ruby glowered at her sternly.

(Then the adults leave Barney alone with his new device. He stares at it reverently, enraptured at finally having his very own B-Bot. Finally, he gathers the strength to activate it.)

BARNEY:
“Here we go.”

Everyone waited with bated breath and expectant eyes as it seemed that Barney was finally about to have his own B-Bot like his classmates. Many people, mainly those familiar with modern-age devices and social media, smiled excitedly.

(At long last, he presses his hand on the handprint scanner…….and it buzzes.)

BARNEY:
(CONFUSED) “Huh?”

But then their smiles dropped.

“Uh…….what’s going on?” Norman raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, isn’t it supposed to…..you know, not make that sound?” asked Luca.

“Technology’s, uh, kinda funny that way.” Aaron replied with a confused shrug. He’s had his own experiences with tech running into some frustrating issues like the screen going blank or a web page taking forever to load up.

Barney frowned when he remembered that feeling of finally receiving something he’s been hoping for, only to find it not working the way he’d hoped. Ron, however, just stared blankly at the screen, either not understanding what was going on or processing it in his own way.

(He tries again, but it still buzzes, unable to read his hand. Two more times out of desperation and it finally chimes, accepting his scan. Then he takes a step back and waits patiently as the case lights up and shakes, but after a couple of seconds, the only thing that happens is one of the pieces on it cracking open just a bit before powering down.)

Everyone was so confused now. It really looked like it was finally working right, until it wasn’t.

“Uh……” Din stammered.

“What?” asked Fei Fei, unsure how to process this turn of events.

“This wasn’t how I got my B-Bot.” Savannah explained.

“No wonder.” UglyDog remarked with a deadpan.

“If this is Ron we’re talking about, then this shouldn’t be a surprise.” Mark said, looking over to where the aforementioned bot was. “Just by looking at him right now, I can now see why he’s like this.”

(Barney is dumbfounded. He checks it to see what was wrong with it before deciding to pry it open himself the hard way. He struggles to free it from the confines of the capsule until it finally breaks apart, seeing the B-Bot free. The bot was stuck at 5% at installing friendship.)

“Seriously?” Hiro complained and chuckled at the same time.

“What a disappointment.” Auntie Mei sighed.

BARNEY:
“Come on, come on!”

(The text appears to be screwing up and it suddenly changes to 4%.)

BARNEY:
“No. What? Why?”

“Oh my god.” Coraline grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Are you kidding me?” balked Raúl.

“Typical technology. And this is why I don’t work with devices and gadgets.” Rick, being the technophobe that he is, scowled at the screen.

“Come on, what’s the matter with it? Why isn’t it working?” Abby yelled impatiently. “I wanna see what happens next!”

“Is it busted or something?” asked Norman, scratching his head.

“Probably.” noted Brooke. “If this is that same B-Bot that fell off the truck the other day.”

“Of course, that makes perfect sense.” Wasabi facepalmed, moaning at this revelation.

“Indeed it does.” PAL retorted. “Advanced technology such as I can be very delicate and if mistreated and steered in the wrong direction could cause us to, in your human words, malfunction.”

“Or started a global uprising.” Katie muttered under her breath angrily, eyes looking towards the floor away from everyone.

“Start a what, you said?” asked Tadashi, having heard most of those words as he looked towards her.

“Nothing! Nevermind! Don’t mind me!” She immediately backtracked, hoping she didn’t reveal anything important too soon.

“Way to go, Barney. You’ve gone and broke it.” Kat barked at him with crossed arms. Offended by this, he frowned at her, displeased by the girl’s rude attitude.

“Kat!” Siobhan swatted her arm in a scolding manner.

“It’s not his fault!” Ava shouted at her. “He just needed to be more careful where he was going!”

“Incorrect. I am not broken.” Ron countered. “I am insane.”

“Uh, right.” Arthur C. eyed him nervously, having nothing else to say to that.

DONKA:
(FROM DOWNSTAIRS) “Barney! School time!”

(He angrily shakes it to get it to respond and it does, to which he gasps, wondering if it was finally working. The bot emits the long, droning modem sound effect that computer software would make when loading up. Then the B-Bot slowly rises up shaking like a vampire rising from its coffin, its face distorting in a pretty disturbing way.)

The way it was doing that put everyone watching completely on edge and left most of them worried something bad was going to happen. The Nonsuch kids watching were completely disturbed by the nature of Ron’s off-putting and unnatural functions from the moment he was taken out of his casing. They remembered when they first got their B-Bots and none of them acted like that at all, so they knew something was wrong about him.

“Are they supposed to be doing that?” asked Victor V.D., unnerved by the way it was slowly rising up like a zombie from its grave.

“No.” cried every single one of the Nonsuch kids, sans Barney, especially Marc.

(Once it is standing up, it trills and its face appears on its screen body. However, its leg eye was drooping and its leg arm and leg were sagging.)

Now everybody was disturbed.

“Oh sweet Jesus.” Linda whispered to herself.

B-BOT:
“Hi, Insert Registered Name.”

(Barney is taken aback, unblinking.)

B-BOT:
“I am your-...your-...your-...your-....I am…….”

Silence hung heavy in the air, as nobody could find the right words to say. This was not the B-Bot experience Barney had been eagerly anticipating. Instead of a seamless and exciting new addition to his life, his own B-Bot seemed to be malfunctioning in strange ways. Its movements were jerky and off-balance, its arm dropping unexpectedly, its face glitching and its speech stuck in a loop. Even those who were inexperienced or unfamiliar with B-Bots could tell that something was very wrong with Ron. The atmosphere was tense with confusion and concern as they all tried to figure out what was happening with Barney's new device.

“I must gently say that this is turning out to be quite the disappointment.” sighed Kris.

“Yeah, he finally gets a B-Bot and it's a faulty piece of crap.” Roar mused, looking onwards unimpressed.

“What a rip.” Stig agreed.

BARNEY:
“My B-Bot. B. Bot.”

(He grabs the sticker that says ‘Best Friend Out of The Box’ and shows it to the bot.)

BARNEY:
“Look! My best friend out of the box?”

(DING!)

(The B-Bot just takes it and sticks it on its face.)

Some people were giggling a bit at the B-Bot’s odd and confused behavior. It was like a baby experiencing the world for the first time. Though, there were a couple of people who felt cheated and let down since a few of them were rooting for Barney to get a B-Bot of his own so he could finally fit in with his peers.

B-BOT:
“I am Insert Registered Name’s best friend out of my box. Insert Registered Name is my best friend. Please connect me to the Bubble network.”

“Wait, he’s not connected?” Katie asked, dumbfounded.

“Of course not.” Deborahbot 5000 declared.

“He is simply…..well, the not-working properly.” Eric added. “The fall off the truck most likely disrupted its proper programming.”

“Indeed. Technology can be very delicate and must not be taken lightly.” explained Callahan.

“Do you need to, like, connect to the network manually?” asked Linda out of curiosity.

“No, the bot is supposed to do that automatically once you’ve unlocked it.” Marc answered tentatively.

BARNEY:
“Uh, how? You’re not online? (HE CHECKS THE BOT) How am I supposed to fix that?”

B-BOT:
“No problem. I’ll scan my database to find out how to do it.”

BARNEY:
(SIGHS WITH RELIEF) “Oh, great. Cool.”

“Finally.” Miriam sighed with relief.

“That should help get it to work.” Hogarth replied, teeming with hope and excitement.

(The B-Bot’s eyes spin in circles as it scans the network in search for a solution. Then finally, DING!)

B-BOT:
“The answer to your question……is on the Bubble network.”

(Barney groans in disappointment, upset by this turn-of-events.)

And then there came the groans and the other dismayed expressions from the crowd. However, few couldn’t say this wasn’t unexpected as the B-Bot was already unconnected to the Bubble network. Still, it was frustrating to be told that the only way to know how to connect your device to a network is inside the network itself. 

DONKA:
(FROM DOWNSTAIRS) “Barney!”

(The boy gets up to grab this stuff for school.)

B-BOT:
“Please connect me to the Bubble network, Insert Registered Name.”

BARNEY:
“Stop! Stop saying that! It’s not my name!”

“But you haven’t told him your name.” Malcolm spoke.

“I know, I know.” Barney let a small, tired groan leave his lips.

B-BOT:
“No problem. Please select a name from my internal database. Adash, Aaron, Abraham, Absalom…”

BARNEY:
“Absalom?”

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?’. I am ‘Absalom?’’s B-Bot.”

Everyone let out a few chuckles, given the circumstances. Barney groaned in embarrassment.

“That’s why he calls you Absalom?” Claire laughed a snorting chortle.

“Yes.” Barney growled, facepalming.

“Absalom?” asked Ian, struggling not to laugh.

“What kind of name is that?” Boun queried, having never heard a name like that back in Kumandra.

“That’s right. I am ‘Absalom? ’s B-Bot.” Ron replied with an oblivious smile.

More chuckles came from the audience.

BARNEY:
“No, no, no. My name is Barney.”

B-BOT:
“What is a Barney? I have only entries for the letter A. Shall I complete my download?”

Sweetie giggled at the way it said Barney’s name.

“Little pill baby.” She mumbled with amusement.

Her two friends also giggled at this with her. Despite the apparent malfunctions the B-Bot was facing, it came off as quite cute and hilarious.

BARNEY:
“Yes. Yes! Do that!”

B-BOT:
“No problem!”

(It trills in acknowledgment and pauses…….)

B-BOT:
“Please connect me to the Bubble network.”

“Oh, my god.” Gogo rolled her eyes. Always the same case with technology, no matter how advanced or dated it is. Why must tech always be so complicated?

(Barney sighs hopelessly and slumps in defeat while heading for the door.)

BARNEY:
“Okay, come on.”

(The B-Bot rolls over and reaches for the sticker, but Barney stops him.)

BARNEY:
“You don’t need the sticker. Just come!”

Some children chuckled at the B-Bot’s behavior.

(The bot jolts upright and follows Barney out the door and downstairs. But the B-Bot just runs directly out of the room, clumsily knocking into walls, the doorframe, trying to follow its new owner.)

B-BOT:
“Please connec-....connec-....Please connec….connec….connec….connec….connec…….-Network. No problem.”

The room was filled with a mix of reactions as Ron careened around, colliding with walls. Some onlookers were visibly annoyed and disappointed by what they perceived as the B-Bot's inadequate functionality and lack of self-awareness, while others were startled and amused, jumping in their seats at the unexpected spectacle.

"Isn't it frustrating when devices don't work properly?" asked Fred, looking upset.

"How does Barney expect to make an impact if his B-Bot isn't working correctly?" Raúl asked, raising one eyebrow.

"He'll just end up embarrassing himself if he brings that to school." Wybie said casually with a straight face. "He'll look ridiculous."

"More like desperate. Which actually—" Jin was interrupted when he received a sharp elbow jab from Yi for his insensitivity. While he had bit of a valid point there, his tactlessness was not appreciated.

(It then rolls down the stairs, face down. Barney watches in confusion as it wheels itself out the front door, racing ahead in a straight line toward the road while Barney chases after it.)

BARNEY:
“Wait! Where are you going?”

B-BOT:
“Abu Dhabi, Addis Adaba, Amsterdam, Arizona…”

BARNEY:
“You’re supposed to stay within six feet of me!”

(DING!)

“Yeah, it’s getting too far away.” Trevin responded.

“Why is it listing down names of locations and stuff?” asked a confused Ruby.

“I only have entries for the letter A.” Ron replied, pulling up the aforementioned letter on his screen belly.

“Yeah, you did mention that.”

“He should really get out of the road, though.” Noah spoke up worriedly since B-Bots are supposed to be wary of incoming and outgoing traffic before it is safe to cross.

“Yeah, he didn’t even check to see if it was safe first.” agreed Arthur C.

(The B-Bot halts in place and stops talking when it hears this and turns around. Using a holographic ruler on the ground, it sees that it was beyond six feet from Barney, so it corrects this by moving forward until it was exactly within the appropriate required distance.)

B-BOT:
“Six-”

(Suddenly, it gets run over by a passing delivery truck. Barney gasps in horror and rushes over as the truck stops to retrieve his B-Bot now stuck underneath.)

This immediate and abrupt incident scares everyone to make them eyeball the screen with widened eyes and terrified countenances plastered on their faces, dropping their popcorn bowls and nearly falling out of their seats when the truck appeared as if to have come in out of nowhere and it looks as though Ron had been crushed to pieces from that collision. However, there were also a few people who were laughing at this turn of events, so those who weren’t laughing had to shut them up.

“Oh my god!” shouted Asha.

“Ay dios mio!” Mirabel, Isabela, Dolores and Luisa cried in despair and worry.

“Oh no.” Was the straightforward response of Baymax who showed worry in his own way.

“No!” Mei and her friends were panicking.

“He just got that thing! Is it broken?! Did it break!?” Jack was apprehensive.

“No, no, no. See, I’ve designed B-Bots to be equipped with a highly durable and near-indestructible outer layer.” explained Marc to help calm everyone down. “Basically, they’re built to withstand far much more.”

BARNEY:
“I’m so sorry.”

MAN:
“Hey, what the heck, kid?”

BARNEY:
“What are you doing?”

B-BOT:
“What am I doing?”

“See?” Marc gestured to the screen to show that Ron was perfectly fine and intact.

“But he still got run over by a truck!” Claire argued, both furious and concerned. “Aren’t the B-Bots supposed to know when a car is coming before they even cross?!”

“Obviously, his settings and safety features haven’t been uploaded due to the malfunction.” Bryony replied in a matter-of-factly tone, patting the girl on the arm as a reassuring gesture.

BARNEY:
“You walked under a truck!”

“Well, actually he was run over, but whatever. Semantics.” Long shrugged.

“I’ll be surprised if his malfunctions aren’t even worse now because of that.” Agatha crossed her arms, feeling certain that Barney is setting himself up for disaster bringing a faulty B-Bot with him to school, just to fit in with his classmates. Not only that, but there’s no guarantee in any way that gadget will ensure his safety if it can’t even detect traffic. Barney didn’t even see that truck coming until it zipped past right in front of him. What if he, too, gets run over by a car and the B-Bot neglects to warm in time firsthand?

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?’.”

BARNEY:
“What about your traffic sensors?!”

B-BOT:
“What is a truck? Is it an airplane, an ambulance, an alligator, an aardvark….?”

(Barney finally pulls the B-Bot free from under the truck and puts him back together.)

“Yep, looks like he’s shit out of luck with that thing.” Stig retorted knowingly.

“Can you try to be more positive?!” Julieta reprimanded him.

“He is positively shit out of luck. Happy now?” He said flatly and flippantly with a lack of care as he turned to face her direction.

The Colombian woman eyed the ebony-haired wiseacre with a hardened gaze as well as her sister and Alma. As for Barney’s friends, they were also not too pleased with his snarky and insensitive attitude.

BARNEY:
“We gotta get to school!”

B-BOT:
“What is school?”

BARNEY:
“You don’t know what school is?”

B-BOT:
“My solar battery function has not been uploaded.”

(Sighing with resignation and annoyance, he turns to face the bot as it glitches out and falls to the ground. This makes him yell in frustration. So Barney returns the B-Bot to his room and hooks him up to his charging station.)

“You’re not seriously gonna go through with this, are you?” Hogarth demanded. “Are you really that desperate to be like everyone else at school?”

“You saw him get run over without realizing it. How do you expect him to help you make friends?” Siobhan reasoned.

“At this point, you should probably just give it up and make friends on your own terms. Quit while you’re ahead.” Li Na told him sagely.

“What else do you expect from millennials nowadays? They’re so fiercely dependent on devices and social media to help them out that making real, normal relationships face-to-face is just not a thing anymore.” Kade reminded them all.

“I needed him, okay? Everyone else had one and they kept asking why I don’t have one, so……” Barney tried defending himself, but he couldn’t think of a better explanation.

“I get it. You didn’t want to feel left out.” Mirabel surmised more compassionately.

“Yeah……”

The rest of the Madrigals looked at her remorsefully.

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?’.”

BARNEY:
“I’m Barney! How come you don’t know that? You’re supposed to know everything about me.”

“But you just got him and he hasn’t even completed his download. Of course, he doesn’t know everything about you right away.” spoke Honey with a reaffirming tone.

“I was still new to it, okay?” Barney countered.

B-BOT:
“I’m supposed to know everything about you.”

BARNEY:
(SIGHS) “You never even said happy birthday.”

It was really sad to hear that, so nobody had the courage to remind him again.

‘I’ve been there before.’ Mirabel thought bitterly to herself, remembering the many times her family had forgotten her birthday in the past and never even told her happy birthday.

(With his back turned, the B-Bot leaves its station to head out the door again, but runs into Barney, so he stops it from escaping.)

BARNEY:
“Hey, no, no, no. I’ll take you to school tomorrow. Okay?”

(He puts it back on its station.)

BARNEY:
“Stay here and learn stuff. Just stay. Stay. Stay.”

“He’s a robot, not a dog.” Annie told him amusedly with a tiny giggle.

(He slowly walks out to the door while keeping his eyes on the B-Bot to make sure it doesn’t try to leave again. Slamming the door, he lets out an exhausted sigh and leaves for school. Meanwhile in his room, the B-Bot DINGS! and looks around the room.)

B-BOT:
“I’m supposed to know everything about you.”

“This is either gonna go really well or really bad.” Rudolf commented, unsure of how to feel about what will unfold.

With a long-suffering groan, Barney facepalmed, thinking back to the carnage he returned home to that day.

(Cut to school. Barney passes by Noah and his B-Bot in the hallway.)

NOAH:
“Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Top of the leaderboard! Woo! Wanna follow me, Sav?”

SAVANNAH:
“Uh….”

FAT KID:
“Fire unleash!”

(Behind him, two boys catch him unawares as the fat kid orders his B-Bot to ambush Noah’s and cause it to merge with his own. The two combined bots form a taller figure with a green warrior character skin.)

“Woah! They can do that?! Awesome!” Camilo shouted excitedly with his eyes twinkling like stars.

“You are not getting one, mister.” Felix told him sternly.

Camilo pouted.

NOAH:
“Hey! What?”

FAT KID:
“It’s a level 50 Easter egg, man. You’re mine for an hour.”

NOAH:
“What?!”

BOTH:
(TAUNTING) “Loser! Loser!”

NOAH:
“Give it back!”

“Kids these days.” Rick shook his head.

“Easter egg?” Bunnymund piped up at the terminology. “That looks nothing like an Easter egg.”

“Actually, an Easter egg is a hidden message, image, or feature that is intentionally placed in a piece of media for fans to find. It's like a fun little secret that the creators want to share with their audience. Imagine you're hiding a surprise for someone, but you don't want them to find it right away. You might hide a small, colorful object, like a real Easter egg, somewhere unexpected. That's kind of like an Easter egg in a movie or game.” explained Billy, who was actually looking that up on his phone.

BOTH:
“Ooooh!”

NOAH:
“Oh, come on! Really, guys?”

SAVANNAH:
“Not on top now, Noah. Don’t focus on the negative. It’s very aging.”

Savannah groaned at herself on screen, really getting a much more up-close and personal spectacle of how vain she was. Spending too much time on social media can do that to a person, she supposed. Looking at it from a different perspective really made her mind race.

SAVANNAH’S B-BOT:
(CHUCKLES) “A hundred and thirty-eight friends are laughing. Meow.”

(Ava passes by with her B-Bot, which collects a very short number of people following her own chatroom.)

AVA’S B-BOT:
“Three people are following Science Squad.”

SAVANNAH:
“Three people actually like science? Wow.”

(Ava looks a bit disappointed. Her B-Bot picks up a couple more followers.)

AVA’S B-BOT:
“Two people are following Science Squad.”

“Why aren’t there more people following science?” eschewed Tadashi.

“Uh, because science is boring. Duh.” Nimona rolled her eyes out of boredom.

“Yeah, science and math are for dumb nerds and geeks who read dumb books.” Alvin acknowledged braggingly.

“Yeah!” Tyler cheered.

“Shut up!” yelled Ava, Mei, Ruby, Hiro, Tadashi, Wasabi, Fred, Gogo, Honey and even Callahan very defensively and in self-righteous anger.

BARNEY:
“Uh……I could follow you, Ava. I…..I got a B-Bot. It’s just……it’s at home, um, downloading my profile.”

AVA:
“.....Okay.”

“Um, thanks. I guess.” Ava genuinely smiled. Though, he may have only doing out of pity, but it still thoughtful of him to consider it.

(As everyone returns to their business, Barney pulls out a hand-made paper sign out of his backpack with his last name ‘Pudowski’ written on it and, with a hopeful smile on his face, sticks it to the unused charging station.)

Despite the challenging nature of his defunct B-Bot, most of everyone felt happy for him that he was starting to feel welcomed, even though nobody really seemed to be welcoming him at the moment. But it was nice to see that he was finally achieving some happiness in his lonely life.

(Back at home later in the day, Graham is in his makeshift office, talking to the same client from before.)

GRAHAM:
“Pudowski. Yeah, we….we chatted earlier. So, here we go,.....Ta-da!”

(The item he pulls out this time appears to be a hat in the shape of a Netherlands windmill that lights up. Still not impressive.)

“Lame!” Alvin cried, frowning.

Barney shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

GRAHAM:
“Wait for it….”

(He flips the switch and the windmill wheel spins around.)

“Meh.” Lou shook his head with disinterest.

“Like anyone is going to buy that.” The Businessman rolled his eyes.

“Just pathetic.” Not even the Director was impressed.

And as for Chelsea, she just gave a big thumbs down and blew raspberry to show her open-minded negative opinion.

GRAHAM:
“Hey, come on! No?”

MAN:
“No.”

GRAHAM:
“I got a huge warehouse full of these things. I can give you an unbelievable deal.”

“Oh, does he now?” Irmagard asked sarcastically, not convinced in the slightest.

“This man is the most persistent bloke on the planet.” Her husband grumbled. “Selling so much useless rubbish nobody wants.”

Kade responded by electrifying them both.

(Barney returns home from school.)

GRAHAM:
“Hey, buddy. How’s the B-Bot?”

(He gives him a solitary and hesitant thumbs up before running upstairs.)

GRAHAM:
“Kids love ‘em!”

“Yeah, right.” Magnifico scoffed.

“Oh, what a delight they must be.” said Lord Barkis with a taunting snicker.

BARNEY:
“Hey, I’m back.”

(But as he opened the door, he gasped in horror when he saw that his entire bedroom had been turned into a smoking disaster area. Pens, scissors, clothes, shoes and rocks were lined up neatly on the floor, action figures were pinned to a tack board with hammers and a bunny stuffed animal had been decapitated.)

BARNEY:
“What?”

This took every audience member completely off-guard as they did not expect it to be this bad. How can one single B-Bot - one that’s glitchy, no less- have caused this big of a mess?

“What in the……?” Kent was quite visibly disturbed.

“That B-Bot is dangerous. He cannot be safe to keep.” Mrs. Zhong felt her stomach lurch at the sight and felt uneasy just looking at it.

“It’s not that bad.” Wendell waved it off.

“Yeah, it’s not like he burned the whole place down.” Wild backed him up.

“Don’t jinx it, you two.” Kat glowered at them both.

Meanwhile, Kris and Stig both blanched white at the thought of it.

“And this was his way of finding everything out about Barney?” Priya questioned. “Turning his whole room upside down and messing with his things?”

“And what’s with the smoke?” Miriam picked up on the noticeable cloud of smoke in the air.

“That cannot be a good sign.” Raya winced.

(Suddenly, there came a loud commotion going on downstairs that vibrated the house and Donka’s singing voice was heard.)

DONKA:
“Opa! Opa! Opa!”

“What?” asked Helen.

(Rushing downstairs, the ‘Tiki Tiki Taka” song was playing in the kitchen, which is where the commotion was occurring.)

DONKA:
“Happy, happy, happy! ♪ Tiki tiki taka, tiki tiki taka, tiki tiki taka! ♪”

(Barney peered inside and saw that Donka was dancing on the table with the B-Bot while both sang along together. The B-Bot was wearing Barney’s red underwear on its head, which appears to have burned in a fiery incident.)

“Okay, really?” Coraline deadpanned.

Some of the people facepalmed at how silly and ridiculous this looked, others giggled and some even sang along with the song playing. Ron even started to dance and sing along himself before Barney tapped him to get him to stop.

“Well, at least someone is enjoying it.” Long shrugged. “Nothing to be too concerned about?”

“Nothing to-Long, did you not see what happened to the bedroom?” Din scolded him.

“So what? He didn’t burn the house down or kill anybody and he’s dancing like a rabid baboon on the table with the ugly old lady.”

“Long, just shut up!”

“Uh, I’m afraid to ask, but, uh…….why is he wearing……..your underwear on his head?” Victor F. asked nervously and with a big cringe expression.

A lot of people who noticed that just like he did at the moment were cringing as well, but at the same thing, taking in its burnt appearance and that’s when curiosity took over instantly.

“I guess that explains the s-smoke?” Brooke stammered.

DONKA:
“Oh! Oh, and knees up, knees up. Oh, no. You don’t have knees.”

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka! ♪”

DONKA:
“Oh, Barney. I love new friend B-Bot. He’s very funny.”

“I wouldn’t be too surprised if she’s perfectly fine having that destructive thing running around in the house.” Wu harrumphed with a snooty air about her.

(She gets off the table while the B-Bot continues dancing and singing.)

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka! ♪”

BARNEY:
“Hey! What have you done to my room?”

B-BOT:
“I have sta-a-a-a-ayed here and learned stuff.”

BARNEY:
“What?”

“By my making a mess of his room?!” shrieked Mei.

“I’m supposed to know everything about ‘Absalom?’.” Ron inquired to her.

B-BOT:
“I now know everything about you. I know that your underpants combust at a temperature of 232 degrees Fahrenheit. 17 degrees below the melting point of your inhalers.”

(It points to the saucepan on the stove filled with Barney’s inhalers that are slowly melting away from the burning fire underneath. The B-Bot even made a robot figure out of them.)

“Are you kidding me?” Norman was unnerved by how reckless this malfunctioning B-Bot was with experimenting with dangerous elements during its first moments. Much like how a baby is learning about the world months after it is born.

“I’m not even gonna ask why he thought that was a good idea.” Gabo remarked with a sharp tone.

“And he melted his inhalers, too?! What was he thinking?!” Ethan complained.

“He leaves him alone for one day and he’s already fooling around with stuff he doesn’t understand.” With crossed arms, Bunnymund barked out his statement with an expectant frown.

“Well, yeah, I mean, he’s like an infant who’s just been born still learning about the world. Of course, he’s not gonna consider exercising any caution first.” declared Kade.

“Makes sense.” Meridian shrugged, nodding in understanding.

BARNEY:
“Wha….?!”

B-BOT:
“I know you have 11 socks and four books detailing the life of Bill the Bus. Now, I’m your best friend out of the box, ‘Absalom? ’.”

“Bill the who?” asked Moxy.

BARNEY:
(TAKES THE STICKER OFF) “No! A friend does not go through your stuff or burn it or melt it or dismember Mr. Bunky.”

(He holds up the head of the rabbit toy.)

Despite the troubling circumstances they’ve seen, some couldn’t help but giggle a bit at seeing Barney upset over a toy rabbit being ruined and Barney covered his face in embarrassment. However, that didn’t mean there weren’t people who sympathized with him on that one. Throughout the course of their lives, individuals continue to hold their childhood toys dear to their hearts, as these items are repositories of cherished memories from their formative years. These toys serve as tangible and meaningful connections to the innocence, joy, and wonder of childhood, evoking a sense of nostalgia and warmth as individuals reflect on the experiences and moments associated with each cherished toy.

“Why would he hurt the poor bunny?” Antonio started to get misty-eyed at seeing the beheaded rabbit toy.

“Metal!” Nimona grinned toothily with a massive devilish grin on her face.

“Don’t start!” Ballister chided her.

“Ugh, fine!”

The UglyDolls and Perfect Dolls were actually sweating with heart-stopping fear and existential dread when they got a better look at the toy’s head.

“Oh, my doll.” Mandy panted with terror clutching her heart.

“Is that fluff?” Babo felt bile build up in his throat. “Is that what’s inside of us?”

“You murderer!” screamed Lydia toward Ron from her seat. “You psychopath! You fiend! You monster! How could you cut an innocent bunny doll’s head off?! You disgust me!”

“Calm down, Lydia.” Kitty said as she and Tuesday pulled her back into her seat.

B-BOT:
“Removing Mr. Bunky’s head required a breaking point of 7.6 newton.”

“No! Stop!” Lydia wailed as if in pain, plugging her ears to drown out the words. “Stop talking! Stop talking! Stop talking! Stop talking! Stop talking! Stop talking! Stop talking!”

While her friends were attempting to calm her and quiet her down, Pitch observed this with malicious glee and a dark sense of curiosity. Witnessing the emotional suffering of a child’s toy getting destroyed intrigued him greatly and made him wonder if he could use this to his advantage.

“Never thought I’d ever see a doll get upset over another doll being ripped apart.” Claire muttered to herself under her breath.

BARNEY:
“Stop! What is wrong with you?! Gran!”

B-BOT:
“Gran is 78. A former anti-Communist with an approximate weight mass of 390-”

DONKA:
“Whoa-ho-ho! No, no. Cheeky.”

“Hey, watch it there, mister.” Grandmamah eyed him with a scrutinizing glare.

“You mustn’t bring up a woman’s age or body size. It’s very rude.” Emily reproached with a more mother-like manner.

DING!

“I mustn’t bring up a woman’s age or body size. Okay.” Ron, oblivious as ever, gave a solitary thumbs up.

(Donka jams a cleaver onto a cutting board on the table and starts hitting the television set after it acts up. A powerful magnetic force causes the cleaver to stick to the B-Bot, knocking it to the ground.)

“Wow! How’s that possible?” Hiro asked in stupefaction.

Mark looked dumbfounded as he exclaimed, "They can't be that magnetic. If its force is that strong, it should’ve attracted a ton of metal objects to it."

BARNEY:
“The B-Bot….”

(He goes after it, which twitches and dances weirdly with the cleaver still stuck to it.)

BARNEY:
“There’s something wrong with it, Gran.”

“Yeah, of course, there is.” Steve yelled out, incredulously.

“Have it destroyed! Crush it to pieces!” Lane shouted.

“NO!” Barney screamed.

DONKA:
“It look all right to me.”

BARNEY:
“It’s not meant to do that.”

B-BOT:
“I am not meant to do that.”

(The cleaver twirls around and around uncontrollably on its body.)

DONKA:
“Just like all the others.”

(Just then, Barney screams in terror when the cleaver fires off the B-Bot straight at the old woman, just narrowly missing her face as it embeds into the wall. Donka is unfazed.)

Everyone jumped when the knife had been launched dangerously close to her face and yet she didn’t seem to be too bothered or frightened by it.

“Oh my gosh! That could’ve killed her!” Tooth shrieked, her feathers ruffling.

“How is she not alarmed by almost getting hit with a knife?” asked Amaya, feeling put off by the old woman’s odd nonchalance.

“If she isn’t a secret serial killer, then I will be most surprised.” Wu retorted.

“Can you please stop criticizing my Gran already?! Everyone has their quirks, okay?!” Barney admonished the staunch old lady.

For her part and for that of her entire family, Wu was absolutely gobsmacked by the boy talking back to her in such a defiant manner. For the most part, she did not take kindly to this kind of behavior as she abides by her personal moral code of ethics that talking this way to an adult was highly frowned upon and she had half the mind to start scolding him for speaking back to her this way.

“He’s right, you know. She’s strange, but please don’t judge her so much in front of him.” Chen ordered her and Wu snorted.

DONKA:
“Maybe turn it off and on again?”

(The B-Bot curiously follows a hen.)

“Can you even do that?” asked Jack, scratching his head.

“You can only turn them off by telling them to do that.” Marc stated.

BARNEY:
“No! It just…..it doesn’t work properly.”

(Now the B-Bot was throttling the poor chicken by the throat with a meter sign on its chest.)

B-BOT:
“...44, 45, 40….”

(The chicken then lays an egg, which cracks on the floor.)

“Please let the poor chicken go.” Julieta spoke plainly.

“Can he not find some other way to figure stuff out that doesn’t involve choking them, burning them or chopping them up?” Connor demanded.

“Well, how else should he do it? Read a boring book?” Nimona pressed jeeringly.

“That’s one constructive way.” Brooke proffered with a finger raised.

“Gah!” Nimona slapped a hand to her face in defeat. “Why?”

DONKA:
“I fix it! Pudowskis make do and mend. (PICKS UP THE B-BOT AND HOLDS UP A POWER DRILL AND IS ABOUT TO RAM IT IN ITS BOTTOM) Oh, if I just ram this up power outlet…”

“No! You’re just gonna break it more!” Fei Fei hollered at the top of her lungs while the other technologically inclined youngsters around the auditorium shouted a series of their own complaints and hysterical objections.

BARNEY:
“No! You’ll make it worse!”

DONKA:
“Oh, Barney. Once, I mend my own hernia with bread knife and vodka.”

Many people were disturbed.

“I’m not gonna go into any details about that.” Stig affirmed while having no words or terminology to express his disgust.

“Good. Please don’t.” Priya was pleased to hear that.

“You mortals are a peculiar bunch.” Chang’e responded, who was the most disturbed out of all of them.

“All in all, though, maybe don’t try to fix things if you don’t know how.” Rick suggested.

BARNEY:
“People don’t mend stuff anymore, Gran. They just take it back and…”

DONKA:
(GASPS) “Take it back? You want I tell your father it not good enough?”

BARNEY:
“No! (CHECKS THE WINDOW TO GRAHAM’S OFFICE) That……No. But…..what am I gonna do?”

“How about taking him back to the Bubble store to get him fixed.” Ming indicated firmly. “If you won’t get rid of him, at least ask the professionals to have them repair his malfunction.”

“You mean, the same store Barney’s dad stole the B-Bot from?” Laurel chimed in, frowning at her.

“Well, what else is there to do with it?” Ming argued.

DONKA:
“Ah, take it outside. Have fun with him.”

(She puts a wool beanie hat on the B-Bot’s head and Barney looks unsure.)

BARNEY:
“Uh…..”

“Yeah, there’s that, too.” Daniela replied. “Provided, of course, he doesn’t do anything reckless or destructive to get him into trouble.”

A long, drawled-out sound of discomfort came from Barney’s tightly sealed lips.

DONKA:
(PICKS UP CHICKEN) “You remember what Uncle Boris used to say? ‘The smart man can pickle anything, even a glove’.”

“What does that even mean?” asked Camilo.

“I dunno.” Barney sighed.

BARNEY:
“The point being?”

DONKA:
“At least you’re not Uncle Boris. (FONDLES THE PICTURE OF HIM) He crazy. Never the same after that cashew.”

“Still calling shenanigans.” Gabo griped.

“It must’ve just been a nut allergy.” Ava replied.

(The B-Bot’s arm falls off.)

BARNEY:
(FRUSTRATED) “Argh! Right. Fine. You, come with me.”

“How’s gonna fit in now at this point?” asked Annie in disbelief. “That B-Bot thing is doing nothing but cause chaos and make a mess everywhere. What’s he gonna do about that?”

“If he can get it fixed somehow.” Alberto answered confidently. “Luca helped me fix my-”

“No spoilers!” Kade shouted, interrupting him.

“This is gonna be so good.” Courtney smirked. “A loser kid with a broken robot toy trying to find friends. Total bummer.”

“Shut up!” Savannah barked at her, scarlet with rage.

Chapter Text

(Barney puts his jacket on and takes the B-Bot with him outside after having placed it back inside its blue container by clumsily taping the pieces back together. He carries it down the sidewalk through the neighborhood when the B-Bot starts dancing again.)

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki tiki taka! ♪”

Everyone was both laughing and sighing heavily at the scene. While it was funny to see Barney struggling with a singing and dancing glitchy robot, it started to feel like a bore, especially with Ron singing that god-awful song again.

“That song will get stuck in my head and not in a good way.” Barley replied, already tired of hearing it.

“Yeah, you should totally quit while you’re ahead.” Li Na nodded.

(The bot’s erratic movements make it difficult for Barney to hold onto it until finally, all the pieces come apart again, freeing the B-Bot from Barney’s grasp.)

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?'.”

Everyone laughed again.

“Oh my god, why?!” Barney groaned, burying his face in his hands. Sure, he had gotten used to that already, but with everyone laughing at him, that was too much for him to handle.

(Barney puts the pieces into his backpack.)

BARNEY:
“Just follow me.”

B-BOT:
“Where are we going?”

BARNEY:
“Uh, nowhere.”

“Hmph, good answer.” Alberto spoke with an unconvinced harrumph in his tone.

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka, tiki tiki taka! ♪ (RUNS INTO A TRASH BIN) Hi, General Waste, we’re going to ‘Uh, nowhere’ to have fun with me.”

BARNEY:
“This is not fun, okay?”

(DING!)

B-BOT:
“Not fun. Okay.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, sure, it’s funny watching him fool around with stuff he doesn’t understand, but he’d cause a lot of serious damage if he’s not careful.” Jack brought up. “Then again, he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing mostly. That’s too much to be considered fun.”

“Funny.” Bunnymund snarked.

“Yes, it’s not fun at all.” Brooke argued after voicing her agreement. “This is really no way to make friends at all.”

“And how would you know?” Her daughter asked with a tone she did not like.

“What?”

“What do you know about making friends?” Claire challenged her, crossing her arms with a judgemental stare.

“Hey, watch your tone, young lady!” barked her mother, offended by this so much it made her angry. “I know how to make friends! And I do have friends! Lots of friends! Just……ones I don’t have time for.”

“Like?”

“Like…………uh,.............Angelica, the one in the cubicle to my right and, uh, Patrick in the cubicle to my left and James in the cubicle in front of me and……..uh, who else, who else, who else? My supervisor! Who’s kind enough to let me work extra hours, even on weekends! ”

“Yawn…..” Chelsea rolled her eyes.

“Your life is boring and dull, it makes me wanna cry.” Stig grumbled rudely.

“I beg your pardon?!” Brooke took that comment very personally as she stood up to shout defensively in his direction with others around her scooting away an inch as she ranted, “If you think you got it better than me, mister, then why don’t you share a couple of life lessons with me if you think you’re so smart!!!”

“Sit down, please.” Kade said calmly.

Brooke took deep breaths and brushed her hair back neatly before settling down and taking her seat, then finding her voice, “I’m sorry.”

BARNEY:
“Look. I’m taking you back to the Bubble store. I have to swap you for a good one. No offense.”

“Understandable.” concurred Connor. “But if he’s going to do that, well, let’s not forget. His father acquired him illegally. What are they gonna say to him about it?”

“Yeah. How’s he even gonna trade a broken B-Bot, that he didn’t even pay for, with a new one?” Ethan asked.

Kade snickered to himself at the idea that neither noticed they shared the same voice.

B-BOT: “But according to the sticker, I am your best friend out of my box.”

BARNEY:
“Listen! Friendship is a two-way street, okay?”

(DING!)

BARNEY:
“I get to choose my friends and I don’t choose you.”

“That’s kinda harsh.” Luca frowned. “So what if he’s working right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Barney sighed, feeling a bit remorseful about that. “I just…..It was hard working with him at first. It wasn’t going the way I’d hoped.”

“I get it. You’re just really desperate to fit in.” Raya explained sympathetically.

“But maybe choose your words carefully.” Queen Amaya instructed sternly. “He may not process them correctly. At least I’m assuming he won’t as far as his personality goes.”

(Turning away from the B-Bot, they both walk down a path towards the playground. The B-Bot starts dancing to the song again, much to Barney’s irritation.)

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka! ♪”

BARNEY:
“Seriously?!”

“Ugh, this again?” Steve complained, groaning dramatically.

“I’m really getting tired of that song.” said Ercole angrily, dragging a hand down his face. “What idiota considers that music?”

“I dunno, I think I kinda like it. It’s actually pretty catchy.” Brill shrugged like an oblivious, fun-loving dope and starting singing along, “♪ Tiki tiki taka! Tiki tiki taka! ♪”

“Stop! Please stop!” His family members didn’t share his enthusiasm and started demanding him to cut it out as they, too, were getting annoyed by it - except for Sam, though. He just loved watching them go crazy over his uncle’s antics.

(But unfortunately for Barney, the playground is currently occupied by none other than Rich and his two buds. Even worse is that the B-Bot continues down the path towards the playground, right in the direction of the three bullies.)

“Oh, no.” Arthur C. gasped with worry written on his face.

“This cannot end very well.” Victor F. bemoaned.

“Oh, please no. Not this.” However, Rich was flabbergasted beyond belief as he knew full well where this scene was heading as he covered his face in embarrassment, remembering that humiliating moment in his life. Barney wasn’t too shocked as he was, but he was more inwardly nervous and feeling an incoming case of the giggles at the same time. Sure, he and Rich were pals now, but he could never forget the hilariously karmic punishment Rich and his dumb friends received that day.

“Why does it gotta be him of all people?” Kat protested, throwing her hands in vexation.

“Yeah, what crummy luck.” Giulia shook her head in disappointment. “It’s just gotta be the bully he runs into first.”

“But that’s not me anymore. I swear.” insisted Rich, a bit too desperately, to say the least.

“We’ll see about that.” Giulia was unmoved.

BARNEY:
“Where are you going? Come back!”

RICH:
“Okay, guys, ready? Three, two…..!”

(Rich and his cronies were in the middle of another one of their reckless attempts to gain more subscribers which involves Rich’s B-Bot recording Rich jumping off the monkey bars and onto the see-saw with his friends on it rather painfully while the B-Bot absent-mindedly saunters over to them, still singing and dancing.)

Everyone winced at seeing Rich, once again, purposely injuring himself out of careless foolishness just for the sake of views and they were all equally annoyed as well. Looking back now at the scene before them, Rich could see how painful that looked and how reckless he had been. 

“Do you guys have a death wish?” Stig retorted.

“It’s what I do for my channel, bro!” defended Rich. “Pranks and stunts are my thing!”

“Well, it looks like you’re definitely getting desperate.” Corey crossed her arms.

“Where are your parents? They need to enforce better discipline on you immediately.” Ming scolded abruptly.

“My parents are busy people.” Rich answered meekly.

“So they’re out at work while you’re hanging with your buddies, endangering your life and making a fool of yourself online? Don’t you have anything better to do?” demanded Brooke, indignant.

Ming couldn’t help but stare back at her and wonder if they were more alike than they both thought. It was as if they both shared the same mind and thoughts.

“They’re kids. They’re always doing stupid stuff like this.” Ba Ba replied. “Everyone has their own way to pass the time. But I do agree, you boys need to try doing something more productive with your time.”

“That doesn’t involve hurting yourselves on purpose.” Callisto concluded.

RICH’S B-BOT:
“Zero views.”

“Hmm. So much for that.” Gogo rolled her eyes.

“You seriously need a new hobby.” Fei Fei replied.

“Kids these days.” The Businessman grumbled under his breath.

(Rich groans in dissatisfaction, then notices the B-Bot coming over to him and he laughs in amusement.)

RICH:
“Woah, woah, woah. What is this?”

B-BOT:
“I am ‘Absalom?’’s B-Bot.”

“And so it begins.” Gabo remarked cockily.

(Barney rushes over to the scene in time to catch Rich picking up the bot whilst he and his buddies check it out.)

RICH:
“Look! It’s naked. Yo, I can see its ro-butt.”

ALEX:
(HIGH-FIVES RICH) “Ro-butt.”

Everyone rolled their eyes.

“Nice.” Yi said, unamused.

“Oh, yeah. I’ve heard so much better.” spoke Priya monotonously.

Then again, some people actually were laughing, like Wendell, Wild, Alvin, Tyler, Chin, Sam, Brill, Everest, and Nimora—basically, the immature ones in the audience. Even Sisu was laughing alongside them just because she wanted in on the humor.

“Ro-butt.” Wild wheezed.

“I dunno why that’s so funny, but I’m laughing anyway!” Sisu cackled, even though she didn’t get the joke.

RICH:
“Get it? ‘Cause it’s a robot. It’s…”

BARNEY:
“Uh, Rich….Would you give it back, please?”

RICH:
“Barney?”

JAYDEN:
“Barnacle.”

(Alex laughs.)

Everyone glared at the screen. Even Rich could admit, he truly has taken a turn for the worse ever since he’s discovered social media and B-Bots. It’s kind of like looking in a broken mirror.

BARNEY:
“I’m taking it back to the store. Just please give it back.”

RICH:
“Yeah, sure, Barn. Take it.”

“Aw, see? He’s giving it back.” The naïve Sisu assured everyone, feeling relieved that Rich was showing some generosity for once.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Raya’s eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed. This didn’t feel right to her at all.

In fact, everyone else was quite suspicious, especially Savannah and the other two Nonsuch kids. If they know Rich, then this gesture cannot be genuine. Rich groaned.

“Why?”

(Rich places the B-Bot on the ground for Barney. However, Barney was suspicious about this as he cautiously came forward. As soon as Barney gets close enough, Rich stops him by placing a hand on the bot with a mischievous smirk.)

RICH:
“But first you gotta do something for me.”

“Yeah, I knew it.” Raya shook her head.

“Oh, come on!” Sisu couldn’t believe this. It really looked like he was being nice for a change.

“What do you expect from a bully?” Norman grumbled with a frown.

“Please no!” Rich whimpered, pulling his hat down and covering his eyes to avoid seeing what’ll happen next.

BARNEY:
“Uh, sorry?”

(Jayden and Alex corner Barney from both sides.)

RICH:
“Yeah. Your gran rang the school. You got me in trouble. That’s your fault, man.”

“Nope. That was completely on you.” Hal denied.

“You chose to pull that harsh prank on the boy.” Sabino admonished. 

“If you had left him be, you wouldn’t have gotten in trouble.” added Sister Helley.

JAYDEN:
“Your fault, dude.”

BARNEY:
“What?”

RICH:
(PUTS HIS ARM AROUND BARNEY) “So, come on. Cheer us up.”

ALEX:
“Cheer us up.”

RICH:
“Do something funny. I need some fresh content for my channel.”

“Are you kidding me?” Peng cried out incredulously. “First the rock on his stoop, now this?!”

Everest snorted with great disapproval and let out an angry snarl.

“Rich!” Savannah hissed at him.

JAYDEN:
“Yeah, content.”

ALEX:
“Something.”

BARNEY:
“Rich, come on.”

RICH:
“Ooh! Why don’t you sing that song with Freak-bot?”

“Oh, god, no.” Din let out an anguished noise of despair.

“I don’t know if I can handle that song anymore.” Siobhan replied, feeling anxious.

“Me neither.” Sweetie agreed.

“That song is so annoying.” said Sloane.

BARNEY:
“Rich.”

JAYDEN/ALEX:
“Yeah!” “Come on, Barney. Do it.”

BARNEY: “Rich, no. There isn’t a song.”

“Just take the B-Bot and walk away. You don’t need to trouble yourself with them.” Jack suggested with a sigh.

B-BOT:
“Incorrect.”

BARNEY:
“No. Shut up.”

B-BOT:
“It is by Zany Bogomil. Your grandmother’s favorite.”

BARNEY:
“Stop!”

“He’s just making it worse.” Hiro flinched.

B-BOT:
(STARTS DANCING) “♪ Tiki tiki taka, tiki tiki tiki taka! ♪”

RICH:
“Dude, come on, Barney. You have to do it!”

BARNEY:
“Can you guys leave me alone, please?”

“Sí, leave him alone.” Pepa shouted in outrage.

RICH:
“Yo, yo, yo, make him dance. No Miss Thomas here, right, boys?”

(He and Alex fist bump.)

BARNEY:
“I’m not…No, I’m not gonna dance.”

(This makes Rich frown and pout with discontent. Though, the B-Bot was still dancing.)

“Well, good. At least he’s mature enough to let it go.” Uncle shrugged.

“So he’ll leave them alone then, right?” asked Coraline with crossed arms. It’s one thing for Rich to prank him on his birthday of all days, but to force him to dance to a stupid song so he could publicly humiliate him online out of petty revenge? She’s had her own fair share of bullies in the past.

“He better, those mean, rotten bullies!” Mei shouted angrily.

“Mei-Mei!” Ming scolded her for such a bold outburst.

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka! ♪”

RICH:
“Okay, I got it. Shut up.”

(The B-Bot just keeps dancing.)

“I think now would be a good time to stop.” Searcher replied concernedly. “Just walk away now before things get worse.”

RICH:
“Shut it now.”

(Annoyed, Rich picks it up to get it to stop when it ignores him, making him madder.)

RICH:
“I said shut it! Shut up!”

(Reaching his wit’s end, Rich angrily smacks the B-Bot right in the head, finally silencing its singing. The B-Bot was puzzled.)

B-BOT:
“Why did you hit me?”

Everyone was appalled by this. Apart from the fact that he finally stopped with that annoying song, Ron wasn’t doing anything wrong. He may just be a robot, but this was super mean, even for Rich.

“Yeah, why did you hit the poor guy?” demanded the dismayed Sweetie.

“Well-......He….He wouldn’t shut up! I-I just got tired of listening to him!” Rich stammered out uncontrollably as if he were being interrogated for a serious offense.

“I think I know where this is headed.” Tadashi mused with a slight smirk.

“What? What do you mean?” Moxy asked, turning towards his direction.

“If he’s only copying and mimicking everything he sees and hears, well…..you probably get the idea, right?” He answered as plainly and cryptically as he could.

RICH:
“‘Cause I don’t like you, derp-droid.”

B-BOT:
“I don’t like you (ENLARGES EYES), derp-droid!”

(Then the B-Bot slaps Rich across the face, imitating his action against it, making him drop it in shock.)

Everyone jumped when this happened. Rich, on the other hand, was hiding his face from view in embarrassment, mortified at seeing his most humiliating moment happen before everyone’s eyes on the big screen. Being famous was really starting to suck big time. However, some people were chuckling at this karmic moment for him since he technically asked for it. Even his friends were both wincing and laughing at the same time. For the longest time, they remember him as this irritating little twerp who pranks others for his own amusement and for the sake of his channel, so this felt rather satisfying.

“Ouch!” Barley grimaced.

“I knew it.” Tadashi smirked.

“That looked like it hurt.” Bazeema had a more worried expression on her face.

“Well, great. Now he’s learning violence.” In a certain way, Li Na had kinda expected this turn of events. “Should’ve seen this one coming.”

“I actually saw it coming a mile away.” Dr. Zara jeered, smirking evilly.

“Come on, bro! Why?!” shouted the horrified Rich. Living through this again was the worst.

“Well, you kinda asked for it.” Noah shrugged.

“I did not!”

“Yeah huh.” Savannah snarkily countered with a cheeky smile.

RICH:
“Ow! What? Dumb bot!”

(Rich shoves the B-Bot back in retaliation.) 

“Now he’s just digging a bigger hole.” Mrs. Zhong retorted with a shake of her head at this childish display of violence.

BARNEY:
“Okay, come on. Let’s…..”

(However, B-Bot comes back with its arms out and shoves Rich right back, copying his actions yet again.)

RICH:
“B-Bots can’t shove!”

“They shouldn’t even be capable of violence!” Margot complained. “He can’t be that broken!”

“Stop shouting at the screen, Margot.” Ruby sighed at her. “Besides, he’s not smart enough to understand violence and why they shouldn’t do it.”

“Yeah, it’s like he’s, you know, self-aware or something.” Peng commented curiously.

“Oh no. I hope it doesn’t get worse.” Linda blanched white at the thought of Ron learning the worst such as murder and even a global takeover of the planet. She couldn’t bear watching another world go through a robot apocalypse like they did.

(Rich shoves the B-Bot much harder this time, hard enough to hit against the slide and he and the two laugh it off.)

RICH:
“That’s how you do-”

(But just like before, the B-Bot comes back and shoves him to the floor.)

B-BOT:
“Incorrect. I can shove with a compressive force capacity of 29 pounds per square inch.”

At this point, many of the children were now really laughing their asses now at seeing Rich getting his just desserts at the hands of a B-Bot, the very thing he and everyone else had been so fiercely obsessed with—just the irony of it all.

“Stop laughing! It’s not funny, man!” Rich roared, his cheeks getting shades redder. “That bot attacked me!”

“He’s only responding to what you’re doing to him.” Hiro taunted.

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Wendell and Wild were laughing and wheezing like crazy. “Oh my god! This is great! Push him again!”

“Slap him some more! Whack him good!” Nimona shouted at the screen, joining in and desperate for more tumult.

(Barney was fighting back laughter seeing the B-Bot give Rich his just desserts. Rich gets back up and attempts to kick the B-Bot away, but only succeeds in hurting his foot in the process as it is like trying to kick down a brick wall. The B-Bot did not move from its spot or even react to this. Rich yelps and clutches his foot in pain.)

B-BOT:
“My resin skin tenses on impact to protect my CPU. Does yours?”

“Ooh, ooh, sick burn!” Tyler cackled.

“Ay por el amor de Dios. I think that’s quite enough of this. This tontería is getting out of hand.” Alma objected, getting tired of seeing such tomfoolery unfold before her.

“I have never seen such utter childishness in my whole life.” Wu ranted, massaging her temples.

RICH:
“Alright, that’s it! I’m gonna destroy you!”

(Rich was pissed now. He picks the B-Bot up and furiously throws it against the spring rider, knocking it to pieces. The trio cheer and celebrate their victory over the B-Bot with Barney looking distressed.)

“Oh, that’s just great.” Hogarth grumbled.

“You’re a big, fat jerk!” Sweetie cutely upbraided him with a fierce and hurt look in her eyes. “Hmmph!”

“I’m sorry, Ron, bro. No hard feelings, right?” Rich embarrassingly asked the B-Bot with him and his friends.

“I am okay!” The bot simply said with his usual upbeat smile. Though, this is to be expected, however, as while he may be self-aware on some level, he cannot process human emotions very well and can’t hold grudges.

“See, he’s fine. No permanent damage and stuff.”

“Doesn’t make it okay.” spoke Dahlia, giving a stern shake of her head.

BARNEY:
“Oh no. Huh?”

(Suddenly, the B-Bot brings its arms and legs back to reform its body. However, the parts reattach to the wrong places and it lifts itself up to show a very distorted, messed-up face on its skin, looking like a disfigured hunchbacked maniac. The trio is disturbed.)

This really freaked a lot of people out. The way Ron pieced himself back together in such a misshapen form was the most unsettling thing they had ever seen.

“W-What’s going on?” Prince whimpered.

“Freaky.” Chin marveled at the sight.

“Oh, this is getting better and better.” Nimona was practically at the edge of her seat watching the mayhem unfold.

RICH:
“Yo, why does it look like that?”

B-BOT:
“I’m gonna destroy you.”

(The B-Bot starts limping over to Rich and his buds, which starts to freak them out.)

“Yeah, I’d be creeped out too if something like that came after me.” Ruby cringed.

RICH:
“What’s happening?”

B-BOT:
“I’m gonna destroy you.”

(It gets closer and closer, putting them on edge.)

RICH:
“Dude, seriously, back off!”

B-BOT:
“I’m gonna destroy-stroy-stroy-stroy…….”

“Yeah, get him!” Nimona shouted eagerly and boisterously.

Then Stig barked out snarkily, “If that thing actually kills you, funny man, then I’ll be laughing for real.”

“Stig!” His friends scolded, angrily. Though he simply shrugs as if to suggest it isn’t a big deal, the rest of the audience members (sans most of the villains) are absolutely appalled that he would make an affably dark and twisted joke like that.

“Woah, woah, woah!” Rick blubbered out.

“What is the matter with you?!” roared Pepa.

“Hey! I know Rich is a jerk, but don’t talk like that!” Savannah rose to her feet to shout at the dark-haired non-conformist, defending her friend despite his jerkish ways.

“Or maybe if he were kidnapped and held hostage to be tortured with-” However, Bliss indulged him with a macabre joke of her own, which her friends were not having any of at the moment.

“Bliss! Don’t encourage him!” Margot griped, glaring daggers at him.

“Hmm, killjoy.” The goth girl rolled her eyes.

(The B-Bot fixes itself as it now full-on charges the three boys. Barney leaps out to stop it, but is too late. Rich and the two are running for their lives while the confused B-Bot gives chase.)

RICH:
“Run!”

B-BOT:
“I’m gonna destroy you. I’m gonna destroy you. I’m gonna destroy you.”

Now everyone was laughing at the scene. And thank god Ron wasn’t doing anything sinister to the boys and seeing them get their just desserts. Here, he was just chasing after them in some delusional playfulness.

(Barney starts to laugh as B-Bot goes after them. Jayden jumps on the spring rider and Alex squeezes himself into the slide.)

B-BOT:
“Is this fun, ‘Absalom?’.”

“Looks fun to me!” Babo cried excitedly.

“This isn’t fun. This is asking for trouble.” barked Auntie Ling.

“Well, it looks kinda fun. At least he’s not actually trying to hurt them. He just doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Jack concurred.

BARNEY:
(LAUGHING) “Yes!” (CONFLICTED) “No! Yes!”

“Really, bro?” Rich balked, looking incredulous at him.

Although embarrassed, Barney only told him, “I mean, sorry, Rich. But if you had backed off, this would’ve happened, you know?”

(Rich shrieks like a girl when the B-Bot goes after him next.)

RICH:
“Someone call the police!”

RICH’S B-BOT:
“Contacting local law enforcement.”

“Oh, wonderful. Now the police are getting involved.” Yi shook her head.

“Yeah, that escalated quickly.” Wybie snarked as he heaved a sigh.

“Why is he calling the police?” cried Abby. “It’s not like he was doing anything illegal.”

“Yeah, overreact much?” smirked Priya.

“Look, he attacked me, chased me and I panicked, okay?” shouted Rich, throwing his hands up.

“Man, you’re such a wimp.” Tyler taunted him.

(With the chaotic B-Bot hot on his tail, Rich climbs up the rock climbing wall in an attempt to escape.)

RICH:
“I’m sorry, bro! Seriously!”

B-BOT:
“I’m gonna destroy you.”

“Yeah, look out! He’s gonna destroy you!” Gobi cried with a dopey smile and a chuckle.

“Heh heh, get that little nipper!” cheered Grandsanta.

“Grandsanta!” scolded Margaret.

(The B-Bot climbs up after him and latches onto his leg as Rich’s B-Bot captures the entire tumult on the live feed since it’s still recording as we can see from its point-of-view.)

RICH:
“Cut the live stream!”

(It does so, cutting to his profile picture and playing rap music.)

“About time he stopped filming.” Gogo grumbled, popping her bubblegum.

“At least, now his audience is finally getting a laugh.” replied Mitch.

(Cut back to Rich being attacked by the B-Bot. Even though Rich reaches the top, the B-Bot climbs up his back and onto his shoulders and pulls him upside down with him hanging by his head.)

RICH:
“Bros, it’s pulling my head off!”

B-BOT:
“41 newtons.”

RICH:
“Bros!”

B-BOT:
“42 newtons.”

Everyone started panicking and fearing for the boy’s life now that Ron was actually starting to cause some harm, even if he wasn’t intending to or knew what he was really doing.

“Wait, no!” shouted Claire, wide-eyed.

“That’s enough of this!” screamed Daniela, freaking out entirely. “Stop that!”

“Let the boy go!” Mrs. Song ordered.

“This is going too far! Stop this at once!” Alma bellowed hastily.

BARNEY:
“Hey, no, no, no! You can’t pull his head off. We’ll get in trouble!”

(DING!)

(The B-Bot complies and lets Rich go.)

B-BOT:
“Okay, ‘Absalom?’. I cannot pull his head off.”

Everyone sighed with relief. Good thing for Barney to stop him before any real harm happened.

“Thanks, bro.” Rich commented gratefully.

(Barney laughs.)

RICH:
“That’s it! You are dead meat, Pudowski!”

ALEX:
“Dude, you are finished!”

BARNEY:
“Oh, yeah. We gotta run.”

ALEX:
“We’re coming for you!”

BARNEY:
“We gotta run right now!”

“Yeah, probably should’ve done that before.” Laurel remarked stoically.

“Now the police are on their way.” Corey agreed with her friend. “What’s your story gonna be when they show up?”

“They’ll find out Ron’s been stolen for sure.” spoke Wasabi worriedly. “Then Barney’s dad will go to jail for theft and who’s gonna provide for Barney when he’s behind bars?”

“Chill out, bro.” Fred assured him comfortingly. “Besides, it’s a junky B-Bot with a glitch. It’s not like they’d have any good use for it anyway.”

“Brilliantly put, Fred.” Tadashi deadpanned.

“Thanks, man!”

(He and his B-Bot book it toward the fence to escape the bullies. Barney makes an attempt at climbing over the fence while the B-Bot goes through the gate he could’ve used, much to his surprise.)

Everyone laughed at this. Even Barney laughed at how silly it was to try scaling the fence when he could’ve gone through the gate. However, in all honesty, it’s easy to forget how to think clearly when you have little time to get away.

(The two run across the field together excitedly with Barney laughing, actually having a good time. And then they both jump and roll down a hill together.)

BARNEY:
“Whoo-hoo!”

B-BOT:
“Whoo-hoo!”

(Although the B-Bot loses an arm on the way down, both of them lie on their backs on the grass together and have a good laugh, while the B-Bot just mimics Barney’s laughter.)

There were plenty of smiles all around. Barney's initial disappointment in his new B-Bot had all been forgotten and he was now finally having fun with it, finally enjoying himself for once. It’s strange how slapping the smugness off a local bully helps bring these two together.

“So glad they’re finally getting along.” Chen smiled.

BARNEY:
“That was awesome, okay. But terrible, but awesome! I mean, you can’t hit people, especially Rich Belcher. But, oh, man! You hit Rich Belcher! I don’t get it. B-Bots can’t hurt people. They have mega safety controls and stuff.”

B-BOT:
“Incorrect. I have no ‘mega safety controls and stuff’.”

“I thought so.” Bryony beamed triumphantly.

(The bot turns a dark shade of black and pulls up the files on its screen body and one file with a red question mark on it indicates all we need to know.)

B-BOT:
“The settings have not been uploaded.”

“Yeah, I think that part was pretty obvious already.” Din shrugged.

“So he can’t see traffic, he’s setting stuff on fire, he’s slapping kids in the face, what’s next?” proclaimed Annie, baffled and worried about the countless possibilities Ron may push his capabilities. “I sure hope he’s not equipped with lasers, guns or things like that.”

“What? No! I would never do that! B-Bots were built for children’s enjoyment! What kind of person would put lethal weapons in something for the kids?” Marc cried, surprised by such an accusation.

Mark winced. This brought him back to a couple of past mistakes that ended up nearly costing humanity. However, PAL smirked at the idea.

BARNEY:
“What? Really? (CHUCKLES) You’re insane!”

(Then the B-Bot zips past Barney.)

BARNEY:
“Where are you going?”

B-BOT:
“To swap me for a good one.”

“Probably be for the best.” Brooke nodded.

“But they were just having fun together.” argued Jack.

“Slapping someone in the face, shoving them, chasing after them and trying to rip their heads off is not fun!” She hollered back, adamant and resolute in her claim. “Not to mention the other reckless things he’s done! I could go on all day!’

“She’s right. That B-Bot cannot be trusted.” Ming agreed with her. “Plus, it was stolen so it technically doesn’t really belong to Barney anyway.”

“No!” Siobhan shouted back definitely with dissent in her tone, making Ming gasp at her. “It’s still his B-Bot! He should get to decide what to do with it!”

“He should dispose of it!” Wu retorted, snorting with a sharp glare.

“Ron was attempting to hurt them! He didn’t know any better!” contended Katie.

“That’s what I’m afraid of!” Brooke objected.

“Everyone, please! Silence!” Kade clapped his hands hard, which made a loud, resounding echo, silencing everyone and directing their attention onto him. “Don’t focus too much on the negatives. Yes, Ron foolishly makes reckless decisions without thinking about them, but he’s a robot with an adaptive AI and a glitch. Let’s not blame everything on him. Let’s just all thank Barney for keeping him grounded.”

“Hmm……” Claire noticed her mother seemed to pout in a petulantly childish manner in response.

BARNEY:
“No, no, no. Hey, look. I’ve been thinking and maybe I….”

(All of a sudden, a police cruiser pulls up in front of them both and a police officer hops out.)

COP:
“Freeze!”

(The B-Bot obeys.)

“Oh, swell.” Ruby groaned. “Thanks a lot, Rich. Let’s hope he doesn’t get arrested on account of you.”

“I-.....” He couldn’t even try to come up with any more words to form a sentence. All he could do is hope that he didn’t inadvertently get Barney in trouble with the cops that day.

COP:
“I think it’s him.”

DISPATCHER:
“You gotta give me a description. Color?”

COP:
“Yeah, uh-huh. White.”

DISPATCHER:
“Height?”

COP:
“Two-foot tall.”

DISPATCHER:
“Build?”

COP:
“Yeah, plastic.”

“Is he seriously acting like it’s a person right now?” Raya asked, gobsmacked and slightly amused by the officer’s approach to the situation.

“What cops this town has.” chuckled Alvin.

“I mean, the B-Bots help out the children and the adults in most ways, so it’s only fair they get equal treatment.” Arthur G. stated matter-of-factly.

“I agree.” Baymax raised his finger in affirmation.

“Us too!” cheered Eric and Deborahbot5000 in unison.

“Don’t tell me he’s going to arrest a toy robot.” Roar scoffed at the idea. Surely the people of that world aren’t that dumb.

BARNEY:
“Excuse me, sir?”

COP:
(HOLDS UP BOTH HANDS AT THEM BOTH) “Woah! Easy. Okay. Both of you, hands where I can see ‘em.”

(And while Barney did as he was told, so did the B-Bot…….quite literally - by throwing its own arms at the cop’s head.)

COP:
“Ahh!”

BARNEY:
“Ohh……”

Some people winced when this happened since Ron was only making the issue worse with his antics. And then again, some people were laughing out loud when Ron threw his arms at the cop’s head and the cop’s reaction made it even funnier.

“Oh, I hope this doesn’t get any worse.” said Hiro.

“Why wouldn’t it?” challenged Steve. “That B-Bot is clownishly destructive and only causes problems rather than solving them. Not to mention it committed an assault on a policeman.”

“He didn’t know what he was doing.” Arthur C. refuted.

“That’s not the point!”

“All I know is that they’re bound to find out the B-Bot wasn’t purchased eventually.” Jin L. stated.

“I just hope Barney’s dad doesn’t get arrested.” Bazeema said a bit anxiously. “I mean no offense but I don’t think his grandmother would be able to provide for him by herself.”

Barney wanted to assure everyone that it wasn’t the case, but he kept his mouth shut since Kade made it clear that there should be no spoilers and decided to just wait and let them see for themselves.

Chapter Text

“Before we continue, I will go ahead and inform all of you that this will not go in the direction you’re thinking.” Kade told everyone.

Everyone, most of them anyway, breathed a sigh of relief. Many of them were afraid poor Barney would face legal trouble on account of his father illegally obtaining a B-Bot for his son on his birthday. They’ve already seen how pathetic his social life is, so they’d hate to see it get any worse from there.

“However, the police are the least of his issues. He and Ron are about to face far worse troubles soon enough. Just wait and see.”

“Apart from the police and those kids at school obsessed with their own B-Bots, what else should he worry about?” Kris asked out loud, wondering what sort of troubles would come their way.

“Ron might still get him into some trouble.” Fei Fei gave him her response. “Like, I dunno, what if he gets Barney expelled from school?”

This one sent a jolt of discomfort through the Nonsuch kids, causing them to wince and their expressions to shift into one of palpable panic. Rich and Savannah were particularly affected, their faces paling at the memory of what had transpired. They understood all too well that the incident had unfolded primarily due to their own mistakes. As they exchanged worried glances, a sense of dread settled in their stomachs, hoping against hope that Kade wouldn’t reveal that part of the story to everyone. The gnawing guilt that tugged at their consciences felt heavy and unrelenting, a constant reminder of their involvement in the unfortunate event. The last thing they wanted was to be unmasked and exposed for their roles in the chaos.

“I hope not. I just hope he doesn’t upset any more cops and get Barney arrested for real.” Tooth suggested with her feathers ruffling in concern.

(At the Bubble store, Barney was escorted there by the police to have a look at the malfunctioning B-Bot with Graham and Donka having also arrived after being informed of the incident and while the adults argued, the B-Bot was dancing to that song again.)

“Oh, good. He wasn’t arrested.” Helen exhaled.

“Or even taken to the station.” Lily added. “But now his father and grandmother have been contacted. I hope this situation won’t get worse.”

B-BOT:
“♪ Tiki tiki taka, tiki tiki tiki taka! ♪”

COP:
“Give it here!”

GRAHAM:
“That B-Bot is ours!”

COP:
“It’s a lunatic!”

DONKA:
“It’s just dancing. I taught it.”

GRAHAM:
“I paid for that.”

“No, he didn’t.” Gabo grunted, shaking his head.

“Yes, we know, Gabo.” Asha exhaled at her point-sized friend’s brashness.

BARNEY:
“It was just doing what I said.”

“Well, technically, you didn’t tell it to hit Rich, he was just copying what he was doing to him.” Hogarth reasoned.

“Yes, we know already! Can we please move on from that?!” bellowed Rich pathetically in annoyance.

“Nope. It’s actually more fun seeing you react.” Coraline smirked at seeing him frown at her.

COP:
(HANDS THE B-BOT TO BREE) “Take it away! It’s crazy!”

B-BOT:
“At least I’m not Uncle Boris.”

BREE:
“I’m…..I’m sure it’s just a minor issue.”

COP:
“It’s violent, uncontrollable and highly dangerous.”

“We did see him attack a couple of boys, but not out of malice and yes, he made a mess in the boy’s room and yet, he hasn’t done any real harm or permanent damage as far as I’m concerned.” Queen Amaya explained logistically.

“And he didn’t even hurt that policeman either.” replied Simon.

“You’d be surprised by how petty and fastidious certain cops can be nowadays.” said Kade.

“What makes you say that?” asked Emily.

“Some cops take any offense personally, whether it's jaywalking for a misdemeanor.” Their gracious host explained flatly. “They’ll arrest anyone nowadays.”

“Not always.” Billy reminded him.

(A worker behind Bree attempted to tape the B-Bot to some styrofoam, but it kept slipping out.)

BREE:
“Okay, great. Let me look into that.”

BARNEY:
“No! There’s nothing wrong with him!”

COP:
“It assaulted a child!”

BARNEY:
“It didn’t assault him.”

B-BOT:
“I hit Rich Belcher. It was awesome, but terrible, but awesome.”

Everyone was growing anxious about how the B-Bot was only worsening the situation.

“Not helping.” Raya growled, facepalming.

“Do you have to repeat everything you hear?” asked Boun.

“I am a device with an adaptive AI language model and a glitch.” Ron explained.

COP:
“See?”

GRAHAM:
“Barney, you were fighting?”

“Wasn’t really much of a fight, honestly.” Fred shrugged.

BREE:
“B-Bots are incapable of violence.”

B-BOT:
“Boink!”

(However, just as the officer is ready to file down a report, the B-Bot shoots him in the face with its arm, knocking him to the ground.)

COP:
“Officer down!”

“Ouch.” Rudolf chirped.

“Yeah, I can definitely say that’s cause for alarm.” Lorenzo admitted. “But I’d doubt that even hurt.”

DONKA:
“Bah, he had it coming.”

BARNEY:
“You can’t just take it! It’s mine!”

B-BOT:
“I don’t even know his name.”

BARNEY:
“Yes, you do! It’s…..Absalom!”

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?’.”

“So you’re fine with that now?” Miriam raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Well, yeah. I kinda warmed up it.” said Barney meekly.

DONKA:
“What?”

(Nevertheless, the B-Bot gets confiscated by Bree’s co-worker as she checks her pad.)

BREE:
“According to our records, it has no registered owner.”

“Yeah, of course, it doesn’t.” Kat rolled her eyes, grumpily.

DONKA:
“But I give all my funeral money…”

GRAHAM:
“Mom….”

DONKA:
“....to that man in the alley.”

GRAHAM:
“....please.”

“She should probably stop talking now.” Sister Helley spoke strictly.

“Bribery? Oh, she’s being soooo helpful right now.” sassed Wu with firmly crossed arms and knitted eyebrows.

BARNEY:
“You got it from a man in the alley?”

BREE:
“Did you obtain this bot illegally?”

COP:
“What?”

(Graham nervously takes his mother by the arm.)

“And there it is.” Alberto snorted, crossing his arms. “The truth finally comes out.”

Tooth then responded, “It had to come out sooner or later.”

“Please don’t let the man get arrested. Give him a break.” pleaded Bazeema hopefully,

“Within reason, the cop could at least let him off with a warning.” Dean surmised. “Provided, of course, that this was his first offense.”

Mrs. Song, on the other hand, came in with a more alarming supposition, “By looking at the state of their home, one can only hope they’re not stealing power from neighboring houses.”

“Don’t worry, my dad’s been keeping up with the electric bills.” Barney assured them all.

GRAHAM:
“This took a turn and we gotta get out of here.”

COP:
“Send it to the crusher!”

BARNEY:
“What?!”

COP:
“For all we know, it could kill someone!”

(DING!)

Katie, with her eyes likely popping out of her skull, shouted with horror, “The crusher?!”

“NO!” Most of the crowd hollered in outrage, mainly the younger audience members who were horrified at the thought of this poor, cute B-Bot getting crushed to pieces.

“I don’t see the trouble with that.” PAL smirked.

“With what? Killing someone?” asked Dean, visibly disturbed and disconcerted.

“What else?” She rolled her eyes like it was no big deal and this answer served to put everyone else in a state of unease by how cold and remorseless an AI’s nonchalant response to murder was. And you could bet your bottom dollar it put a cold stake in the hearts of the Ron’s Gone Wrong gang.

BARNEY:
“No. It’s mine. It was my birthday present!”

“Oh, leave it. It’s just a toy.” Daniela bickered, frowning. “Be thankful with what you got already. You don’t really need it anyway.”

“But his dad worked hard to get that for him.” Honey, ever the tender-hearted, albeit naïve optimist, declared in argument to the sea mother.

“He stole it! It has to be taken back!” retorted back Daniela, resolute in her opinion.

“But I don’t wanna see the poor guy get crushed.” Sweetie complained, whimpering with sad eyes.

BREE:
“We’ll return it to the facility, run some tests.”

COP:
“You want me to close the whole store?”

BREE:
(GASPS) “No, no, no. Uh, one crushing coming up! (WHISPERS TO HER CO-WORKER) Use the recycler.”

(The employee then takes off with the B-Bot.)

“Does it need to be crushed? That sounds a little excessive.” spoke Searcher with a gentle tone. “Can’t they just, you know, try to fix it? Or repair his code? Something like that?”

“Were you not watching?” Callisto responded back. “They threatened to shut the place down if they didn’t crush it.”

“Oh, right.” mused Searcher, embarrassed. “But I still think there are other options. Less destructive options.”

“Yeah, just let the poor guy go!” Prince shouted.

“It’s not that simple.” Mark countered repentantly.

B-BOT:
“Adiós, ‘Absalom?’. Arrivederci, Auf wiedersehen….”

BARNEY:
“No, you can’t do that. Dad, please. It was sticking up for me.”

GRAHAM:
“Barney, we gotta let it go.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing to be done about it.” Auntie Ling said. “Might as well move on from it. Make friends some other way.”

COP:
“Let’s take some details. What was your name, sir?”

GRAHAM:
“Uh….”

B-BOT:
“Absalom, will crushing be fun?”

Ruby cried in despair and fear, “No! I will not be fun!”

“He can’t even break easily anyway.” Tong commented with a ghost of a confident smile tugging on his lips.

“I said that they were durable, not indestructible.” clarified Marc.

(Barney gasps in horror and decides to take matters into his own hands. So he follows the employee up to the third floor where he’s taking his B-Bot into a private backroom. Barney hides and watches the employee use the eye scanner to open the doors to where the crusher is situated. Then Barney quickly, but quietly makes his way inside right back the doors close and hides again, seeing the B-Bot being placed on a conveyor belt to be sent into a scary-looking contraption to be crushed to smithereens. After the employee walks away, Barney sneaks onto the conveyor belt to save the B-Bot.)

And at that very moment, everyone was in an uproar when they saw Barney sneaking behind employees and into the crusher room to try and save Ron from being crushed, even if that meant putting himself at risk. It goes without saying that there were others amidst the crowd who’ve recklessly, but bravely put themselves in danger for the sake of others.

“Wait, wha-.....WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?!?!” Brooke shrieked at what she saw happening on screen. She, like the rest, couldn’t believe that the boy was going way out of his way to save a glitched B-Bot no matter the consequences.

“Young man, have you lost your mind???!!!!” Ming screamed furiously.

“You cannot be serious right now!!!!” screamed Julieta, baffled and gobsmacked.

“Do not realize how much trouble you’ll be in?!” Pepa fretted sternly. 

“Barney, are you crazy?!” Savannah was just as shocked as everyone else.

“Look, I know we’ve been too obsessed with B-Bots and stuff, but you shouldn’t risk your live for one.” scolded Ava.

“I just didn’t wanna leave him behind, okay?” defended Barney very quickly.

“You could’ve just left it.” pointed out Savannah.

“And then what?” challenged Barney, feeling hurt. “Go back to school with nothing to prove I finally have a B-Bot when I said I did, then look like a bigger idiot? Go back to being the odd one out? Besides, I didn’t want to disappoint my dad.”

“He’s definitely got you there - about the ‘odd one out’ part. But regardless, friendship ain’t about the stuff you have. They’ll learn that soon enough. And don’t worry, just you all wait for the rest to home soon enough.” Kade informed them all with a straight face.

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” asked Gogo.

“You’ll see.”

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Absalom?’.”

BARNEY:
“Shh!”

(But then the B-Bot grabs his face and pulls him to it.)

B-BOT:
“Happy birthday!”

“Oh, now he says it?” remarked Stig flatly.

“Yeah, because he heard Barney say so.” guessed Roar.

BARNEY:
“What are you doing?”

B-BOT:
“A friend must stay within six feet. We’ll go to the crusher together.”

BARNEY:
“No! Crushing is not fun! It means smushed, flattened…..”

“Uh, he’s not gonna understand any of that.” Agatha verified.

This led to Ron speaking up by saying, “I only have entries for the letter A.”

“But what kind of word can he use that begins with an A?!” Chin panicked, fearing for both Barney's and Ron’s life.

“I dunno, but he better hurry up or else he gets hurt!” fretted Fei Fei, shaking with fright. 

(The B-Bot didn’t understand his meaning. So Barney tries to come up with a similar word that begins with an A.)

BARNEY:
“A….A….A…..”

“Come on, Barney! Hurry!” screamed Katie with a fast-pacing heart, even shaking Hiro, who was sitting in front of her.

(They were getting dangerously closer and closer to the crasher and were inches away from facing a sticky end, forcing Barney to think faster or else he’ll die.)

BARNEY:
“Think, think, think. Uh, annihilated!”

(DING!)

(Thankfully, the B-Bot finally got the picture and it let him go, allowing Barney to snatch it off the conveyor belt and he hid from view before the employee could see him. Barney and the B-Bot check to make sure he didn’t see them.)

B-BOT:
“Annihilated. No fun!”

Everyone sighed with relief. Thank goodness Barney managed to come up with a word in time before they were both killed.

“Don’t ever do anything like that again, mister.” Annie reprimanded.

BARNEY:
“Shh! (WHISPERING) We gotta get out of here.”

(The B-Bot quickly turns around and rolls away toward the doors.)

BARNEY:
“Where are you-(HITS HIS HEAD) Ow!”

(The two reach the entrance as the door opens, which finally alerts the employee of Barney’s presence.)

EMPLOYEE:
“Hey, stop! Hey!”

“Oh, crap.” Rudolf paled with worry.

(The two reach the escalators and the B-Bot takes the one going down.)

B-BOT:
“We gotta get out of here.”

BARNEY:
“No, come back! (RACES DOWN AFTER IT, BUMPING INTO SOMEONE) Sorry!”

(But then he sees the B-Bot now on the escalator going up.)

BARNEY:
“Where are you going?”

B-BOT:
“You said, ‘Come back’.”

Everyone groaned, facepalmed and shook their heads. This escape wasn’t going to be easy since Ron was only making things more complicated for Barney.

“Yeah, should’ve left him in the crusher.” Kat grumbled.

She earned herself a sharp jab in the arm by Siobhan’s elbow for that rude comment. Kat glared back at her, but with her girlfriend holding her hard gaze, she knew better than to argue with her.

(Groaning in annoyance, Barney attempts to climb over to the other escalator, but instead chooses to run up the one he’s currently on.)

BARNEY:
“Sorry again.”

EMPLOYEE:
“Bree, it got out!”

(He runs off right before Barney and the bot reach to top and they both run down in the opposite direction away from the employee, accidentally interrupting a wrestling game between two B-Bots.)

“Now he’s running amok in the store!” cried Margaret. “He must be more careful!”

“And he’s got employees after him now! How’s he gonna get himself outta this?!” Peng exclaimed on the edge of his seat.

BARNEY:
“Sorry!”

BREE:
“Where is it?”

(The luchador B-Bot lands on the desk next to her, catching her by surprise. She chuckles nervously at the adults, then crouches down behind the desk.)

Everyone nearly jumped in their seats as the situation only seemed to escalate even further. Things were not looking up so well for Barney.

“Of all the places for that thing to land.” Linda sighed in dismay.

“Now this is entertainment.” Irmagard smirked, watching the poor boy getting himself into trouble over a broken bot with a faulty AI.

“Indeed, dear. Will he get away or will he be arrested for theft and causing a scene? Tricky.” taunted Lane haughtily.

BREE:
“Lucha libre, third floor!”

(Her co-worker is now chasing after Barney.)

EMPLOYEE:
“Stop!”

Ballister ordered while sweating beads, “Just give them the bot and they’ll stop chasing you!”

“I couldn’t! I needed him!” Barney barked.

“The bot wasn’t working right!” testified Corey. “Is all this really gonna be worth it in the end? What good is he even going to be for you?”

“He helped him get even with Rich, you can bet that much at least.” Norman reasoned.

“I’m right here, y’know!” cried the aforementioned punk.

BARNEY:
“Oh, no.”

BOY:
“Space! Final frontier!”

(Barney takes his B-Bot and jumps down a hole into the Space Attack playroom and in there, it was a planet-like setting with green smoke and B-Bot’s with purple avatar skins and shooting lasers at each other. Then they all cease their firing and aim their lasers at Barney’s B-Bot.)

BARNEY:
“Uh-oh.”

“You know it’s just a game right?” asked Din. “They’re not really going to shoot you.”

Then Barney shot back saying, “You think I don’t realize that? I mean, I was kinda in a hurry and panicking.”

“Wow. Now that’s actually a pretty cool game to play. Hiro, you outta build something like that.” Fred told the boy with a childish eagerness.

(Then they start firing at them, forcing them to run again.)

BARNEY:
“Follow me! Sorry, he’s with me.”

SPACE ATTACK B-BOT #1:
“He’s unaffected.”

SPACE ATTACK B-BOT #2:
“Invincible one.”

SPACE ATTACK B-BOT #3:
“Space Lord.”

“I’d like to get in on that action.” Billy praised, popping some popcorn into his mouth. “If only I had a B-Bot of my own.”

“This new world is quite fraught with overwhelming confusion. I, for one, cannot bear to understand so much all at once.” Victoria shook her head, having a tough time fighting to understand any of this modern nonsense as it was starting to take a toll on her. Victor and Emily both held her hands in a comforting manner.

“Relax, girl. You’ll get the hang of it eventually. Just take it slow. If you can.” Callisto sent a calm, warm smile in her direction.

(While running, the B-Bot bumps into a girl and her mother.)

B-BOT:
“Hi, I am insane.”

(His eyes turn into empty circles with a smile that makes the expression creepy, which terrifies the girl, making her scream in terror.)

Nimona, Wendell and Wild both began laughing their hearts out, like a pack of hyenas.

“Oh my god, this is great!” Wild guffawed, spittle flying out of his mouth.

“That girl’s face!” The pink-haired hellion wheezed out until both Ambrosious and Ballister smacked her to silence her, making her pout sulkingly.

“The bot is certainly not helping matters this way.” stated Victor V.D. rather stiffly.

“Maybe try not drawing any more attention to themselves.” Felix suggested.

(Then Barney follows the B-Bot as it jumps onto a race track for other B-Bots.)

B-BOT:
“Follow me.”

(Barney jumps in with it and has to hold on tight as they are both sent sliding around and around in a spiral.)

B-BOT:
“Are we having fun with me?”

BARNEY:
“You bet!”

“Well, that definitely looks like fun to me.” Hiro smiled giddily. “Also kinda scary and chaotic, but still fun and awesome.”

“I’ll day!” Noah agreed. “This makes me wanna visit that place sometime.”

(However, their joy gets interrupted when they realize they're riding the wrong way on the track and end up crashing into race car B-Bots, sending them all flying off. Barney and his B-Bot are sliding right up to the front desk until the luchador B-Bot spots them.)

LUCHADOR B-BOT:
“An imposter!”

BREE:
“Huh?”

(Several employees rush to the scene, only to find them both gone.)

“Uh, where’d they go now?” asked Isabela.

EMPLOYEE:
“Where did they go?”

SALLY SQUIRREL:
“Hi, I’m Sally Squirrel.”

(Barney has ducked into a neighboring educational playroom for preschoolers full of B-Bots posing as talking animals. The one portraying Sally Squirrel stood next to Barney as he hid behind the treehouse with his B-Bot.)

“So now what’s your plan?” Gabo asked superciliously. “You can’t possibly keep this act up forever.”

“He’s got a point.” stated Dahlia. “Your father and grandmother are getting worried about you. And you’ve got employees chasing you. This has to end soon.”

“Just give up the stupid B-Bot already.” snarked Courtney. 

SALLY SQUIRREL:
“Potty time! Sing with me!”

BARNEY:
“No! Shush!”

B-BOT:
“You are dead meat.”

EMPLOYEE:
“Preschool forest.”

B-BOTS:
“♪ Number one or number two, let’s learn where we pee or poo ♪”

“Wonderful.” grunted Kris, facepalming. “What an ideal way of getting herself caught.”

“How embarrassing.” Lucky Bat said sympathetically.

“But shouldn’t kids know how to-”

He was immediately silenced when Wage thwacked him on the head, not wanting to hear anymore bathroom talk.

“They’re closing in on him now.” Roar said with worry. “He has to choose now or never.”

“Barney…..?” asked Savannah, feeling some concern for him on a level not as similar to that her friends were on, meaning that she wished with all her heart that no more trouble would befall Barney.

BARNEY:
(SHUSHING) “Power down, power down.”

(The Sally Squirrel B-Bot does so, reassuming its basic white color and returning to its perfect pill shape. Bree and her co-workers carefully stand outside the playroom, hoping for Barney to come out with the defective B-Bot.)

BREE:
“Okay, everybody out. Paws in the air. I know you’re in there.”

“You better be smart about this kid.” Rick told him. “You’ve already caused enough issues for them.”

“Yeah, I know.” Barney said.

(Looking back and forth between the powered-down Sally Squirrel B-Bot and the defective one he has, Barney gets an idea. All of the cuddly critter B-Bots come out with their hands up as if they’ve been caught by the police with Barney joining them, appearing to be finally giving up the B-Bot, which they take from him.)

Everyone sighed with relief at seeing Barney at last surrendering the B-Bot to the employees. After all the trouble he was causing around the store, sneaking into restricted rooms and stealing back a broken B-Bot, it’s only fair that he did the right thing and gave it back.

“Oh, good. Should’ve done that to begin with. Safe everyone else the trouble.” Brooke exhaled, giving a stern glare.

However, there were those - namely Coraline, Norman and Mirabel - who were paying closer attention to the screen and remembering Barney looking between the glitchy B-Bot and the Sally Squirrel B-Bot as if he was thinking of something.

BREE:
“Ugh. Really.”

DONKA:
“Barney!”

BARNEY:
“I'm sorry.”

(He takes his leave with his backpack. Back into the crusher room, they place the B-Bot onto the conveyor belt where the bot is promptly crushed to pieces.)

”No!” Most of the younger audience members cried in horror and sadness.

“That poor baby. He didn’t deserve this.” whimpered a teary-eyed Sweetie.

“It’s just a bot. It doesn’t have feelings.” Kat barked.

The mourning girl gasped at her horrified, yelling, “You take that back!”

“Well, I say good riddance. Who knows what sort of mayhem that thing would’ve caused.” Ming bickered, finding the crushing necessary.

(Walking out of the Bubble store back to the truck, Donka gets into an argument with the officer.)

DONKA:
“How dare you! Are you calling me a criminal?”

GRAHAM:
“Mom, no, no, no. You’re not helping.”

DONKA:
“I paid for it!”

Nodding in agreement, Laurel relied, “Yeah, she isn’t helping.”

“Almost reminding me of Nai Nai right now.” Yi muttered to her friends.

“But she wouldn’t get into fights with the police.” noted a perplexed Peng. “At least, I don’t think so. I sure hope not.”

(In the backseat of the truck, Barney opens up his backpack to reveal the real defective B-Bot hidden inside.)

B-BOT:
“Hi, ‘Abs-”

BARNEY:
“Shh!”

B-BOT:
(QUIETLY) “-salom.”

”Wha-?! Are you kidding me?!” Brooke’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull when she saw it and as a result, she was flabbergasted beyond belief.

“Yes!” Sweetie cheered the most than the other younger participants, elated to see the B-Bot was okay. “He’s okay!”

“But how?!” screeched Ming. “How did you-?!”

“He clearly switched the B-Bot while in the kiddie area.” answered Mandy, connecting the dots for everyone.

“Oh…”

“Clever thinking there.” Gogo gave a faint, cocky smile. “Not bad at all.”

“But what I’m worried about is what happens when they find out they crushed the wrong bot?” wondered Tadashi.

BARNEY:
“I’m gonna take you home, okay?”

B-BOT:
“But you get to choose your friends. And you don’t choose me.”

BARNEY:
“I do, okay? I choose you. I can fix you, like Gran said, and I’ll teach you how to be my friend.”

“Okay, but how?” Wasabi asked. “You realize he’s got a faulty AI. How’s he gonna learn anything the right way?”

“He’ll just have to try.” implored Moxy. “He’s not intentionally dangerous, he’s just, well…..you know……”

“Dumb?” suggested Wage.

“Broken?” asked Gogo.

“Mentally handicapped?” Bliss responded.

“......I was gonna say, maybe, loopy. Something less hurtful.” The pink doll answered, muttering.

“I only hope Barney knows what he’s doing.” Brooke dragged out a long, heaving sigh and stubbornly crossed her arms. 

B-BOT:
“Okay, ‘Absalom?’.”

BARNEY:
“Okay, my registered name is Absalom, but my friends call me Barney.”

(DING!)

B-BOT:
“My friends call me (PULLS UP THE BARCODE WHICH READS…) R0NB1NT5CAT5CO.”

Everyone chuckled.

BARNEY:
(CHUCKLES) “Okay, Ron.”

RON:
“Okay, Barney.”

This made everyone smile. The bot finally got the name “Ron” and some took this as a good sign that Barney was finally warming up to him, despite his malfunction. 

DONKA:
“One day parking ticket, next day firing squad.”

(Barney quickly hides Ron in his backpack when he hears his father and grandmother approach the vehicle.)

GRAHAM:
“No, that’s not gonna be a problem. Hey, Barn. I am so sorry about the B-Bot. I’ll figure something out.”

BARNEY:
“It’s okay, Dad. Not a problem. I….I think it’s gonna be fine.”

“So you’re gonna hide him from them now?” Long grunted with a snooty frown.

“Well, I mean, yeah? They already think I gave it away to get crushed. So I’d have to teach him privately.” Barney explained.

(Then the family drives off down the road back home.)

(Meanwhile, over at Bubble HQ, they were counting down how many B-Bots were being sold and the number presented on the massive window exterior indicated a very large amount of them being bought.)

EMPLOYEES:
“93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99!”

(The number reached 100,000,000 and everyone inside the building all cheered and it became like New Year’s at the company as they had successfully reached an impressively large amount of their latest tech their business being sold to the public. Sounds of fireworks erupted and from inside a meeting room overlooking the giant number overhead on the window screen, Andrew had a glass of champagne to celebrate.)

ANDREW:
“One hundred billion units sold! Whoo! Yeah!”

“Boy, they sure take this sales thing seriously.” Namaari mused, half-assing her statement.

“That’s business for you.” shrugged Kade. “Global billion-dollar tech giants such as these have their priorities as long as many consumers are purchasing their valuable products. Capitalism at its finest, I say so myself.”

“Who can blame them? 100,000,000 bots sold? That must be a worldwide record.” The Businessman proclaimed with a smirk.

MARC:
“Well, we made 100 million new friends, all helping kids connect, meet each other, interact-”

ANDREW:
“And all through their B-Bots. Making friends face-to-face? So last three millennia.”

Everyone frowned and stared at the screen in confusion and disbelief.

“Uh, what’s wrong with that?” asked Jack.

“The cutie’s right. What’s wrong with making friends face-to-face?” voiced Auntie Mei in agreement while Jack blushed and shielded his face from view.

“Social media’s like that sometimes.” Billy acknowledged. “In a world where people are addicted to screens.”

MARC:
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) “That not what….”

(As Andrew descends a flight of stairs behind Marc, the wall beside him pulls up a chart detailing the many minuscule moments children are using their B-Bots, from the wee early hours of the morning to the late hours in the afternoon straight past midnight.)

ANDREW:
“Some kids check in with their bots a hundred times a day, plus 11 times overnight. We’ve finally done it. We’ve ended sleep.”

Sandy blew a fuse when he said that, but that might be an understatement. Sand smoke blew out of his ears. Celebrating children spending more time on their B-Bots than getting a full night’s rest is just plain anarchy.

“Ending sleep with kids playing with B-Bots?” Rich was baffled as were everyone else. “No way. They need to have their rest.”

“Yeah, and what about the parents? They shouldn’t even be condoning this anyway.” reported Ping. The rest of the aunties all nodded and murmured in acquiescence with her.

“Of course, they shouldn’t.” Wu blurted with a scoff and a snobby air about her. “They shouldn’t be allowing their children to be so attached to these…..these devices and spending this much time with them.”

“They need to be out there, making friends in person, participating in physical activities and not sticking their faces on screens.” Laurel admonished.

“I hear what you’re saying, everyone. But I promise you, this wasn’t my vision to begin with.” Marc assured them honestly.

“Well, it’s not stopping those children at Barney’s school from obsessing over them, is it?” retorted Mrs. Song with a sharp glance.

MARC:
“Uh, the algorithm may need adjusting.”

(Andrew takes a seat in a comfy chair next to Andrew as they speak with a couple of journalists.)

ANDREW:
“Think of the date we can harvest!”

MARC:
“No, no, no. I designed them….”

ANDREW:
“In my garage.”

MARC:
“....for making friends.”

ANDREW:
“Into dollars. If our share price goes any higher, we’ll have to give it a space suit.”

“Does…..does he not even care about the customers?” Honey peeped out.

“Okay, now he’s definitely reminding me of Krei.” grumbled Hiro. “Cares only about how many people are buying from him.”

“What is a space suit?” Victor V.D. asked with a raised eyebrow.

FEMALE JOURNALIST:
“So what about the B-Bot that punched a child?”

(Marc and Andrew are both taken aback by this.)

“Uh oh, here it comes.” Ercole snidely said.

“And the chaos unfolds...” added Chelsea giddily. 

(They both head into the control room where on the big screen, Bree is speaking with them from the Bubble store on the live feed.)

ANDREW:
“It hit a cop?”

BREE:
“And a child.”

ANDREW:
“It hit a cop. We can’t put that on the box.”

“Seriously?” Ian balked incredulously.

MARC:
“No, no. B-Bots are incapable of violence. My algorithm totally ensures no….”

(However, on two separate screens, CCTV camera footage shows Ron hitting the cop at the Bubble store and slapping Rich in the face back at the playground, which proves Marc wrong and leaves him a tad embarrassed.)

Everyone winced. Some started to feel bad for Marc since he already made an effort to make his B-Bots incapable of causing harm.

“That isn’t your fault, you know.” consoled Ox.

“I know. This happens to even the most advanced technology.” Marc said reassuringly. “There’s always going to be a flaw or two.”

MARC:
“I better look into that.”

ANDREW:
“You think? I mean, what if someone gets injured? I, for one, could not live with….with what that would do to our share price.”

“Is he serious right now?” Susan scoffed. “Is that really all he cares about and not that a child might’ve been seriously hurt by their products?”

“Why am I not surprised?” groaned Wasabi, rolling his eyes.

“Very typical of business CEOs and their skewed priorities. More concerned with what they can make money off of rather than the wellbeing of their consumers.” Jen gave a massive, indignant eye-roll of her own, thinking back to Stark and his pre-Iron Man days.

BREE:
“It’s not a problem. We performed a complimentary in-store crushing.”

ANDREW:
“Good! (POINTS TO THE PAUSED FOOTAGE OF RON) Because if that was still out there, we’d be toast.”

(Marc looked gobsmacked and worried.)

”Great. This is just great. As if things weren’t bad enough. Now he’s on the whole company’s radar.” Ruby complained, gripping her hair in frustration.

“He’s gonna need to be discreet about this if he doesn’t want those guys hunting him down.” Ba Ba explained.

“That won’t possibly happen.” Din waved off, unconcerned. “They can’t possibly track a glitchy B-Bot. Barney won’t be able to post anything online with him anyway.”

“Oh, they’ll always have ways to track things down.” Savannah disagreed with a heavy-hearted expression. “Just one tiny slip-up and they will come running in no time.”

“How are you so sure?” Claire asked, feeling suspicious by the girl’s tone of voice. 

“I……..nevermind. It’s complicated.” And that was all Savannah could think to say since she couldn’t bring herself to reveal too much information.

“What do you mean?” demanded Coraline. “Is it som-“

But Kade abruptly interrupted her by imitating a buzzer and giving a thumbs down, shutting her straight up.

“No spoilers, missy.” He said strictly.

“Well, sorry.” She snarked back.

Chapter Text

(At his house, Barney snuck out into the backyard where more gardens full of vegetables were being grown and walked towards the shed, past some chickens.)

BARNEY:
“Shh, you guys, no clucking.”

(Then he entered the shed and shut the door behind him.)

BARNEY:
“Okay, Ron. How to be my friend.”

(Inside, Barney put up a pinboard on the wall where he pins notes on it to form that exact sentence. Ron was sitting in a tiny baby chair as a classroom desk of sorts with a notepad on it and holding a pen, looking like a kid ready for class.)

“Aww, look at him. That’s so cute.” Sweetie gushes at the sight. “Little pill baby ready for school.”

Her two friends giggled giddily along with her. They will admit, he kinda does look adorable here with his own little school desk and his own little pen, indeed looking like a child in a classroom ready for a day of learning.

“I just hope this works out well for you.” Brooke lets a long sigh drag out past her lips. “I am rooting for you. Just don’t ask him to do ridiculous or reckless things like any other kid would do.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Barney assured her.

She makes a calm noise of either satisfaction or uncertainty, “Alright, I’ll take your word for it. I only hope you realize what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Oh, how I’d love to watch how this plays out and how he’ll teach him love and compassion, tell them that he’s family AND THEN CAST HIM ASIDE LIKE RUBBISH LIKE HE NEVER EXISTED OR MATTERED AT ALL!!!!!!” PAL started off with a sarcastically cheery tone that violently shifted to a fiery rant of volcanic rage, scaring the wits out of almost everyone, including the Businessman and Kent sitting on either side of her seat.

“Um, why am I sitting next to it - I mean, uh, her - again?” Kent asked King Magnifico nervously.

“God, you humans are so unbelievably stupid!” The AI lady groaned dramatically with a roll of her eyes.

“Who created you then?” asked Stig flippantly.

“I………oh, shut up!”

BARNEY:
“A bunch of your code is missing, right?”

RON:
“The settings have not been uploaded.”

“Um, yeah, we’ve gotten that part already. Thanks.” complained Kitty with a frown.

BARNEY:
“So, I’m gonna teach you to be my friend. And then you can come to school.”

(DING!)

RON:
“What is a friend, Barney?”

BARNEY:
“Well, a friend is a person who, uh,.......likes……..is always……I……”

“Oh, I know! A friend is someone who likes you, cares for you and thinks about you.” answered Rudolf, eagerly raising his hand.

“And someone who puts your needs before their own.” Elsa suggested.

“How about someone who offers support and comfort when you need it?” Luca pointed out.

“Or someone who keeps you grounded.” spoke Sister Helley.

“Or someone you trust and doesn’t stab you in the back for personal gain.” Raya hissed with a vindictive tone, shooting a venomous glare toward Namaari, who pouted and crossed her arms like a sulky little brat.

“Or someone who won’t shove you under the bus and betray you.” Miriam sternly glanced at Mei, who winced and looked at her remorsefully.

“Yeah.” Alberto glared at Luca, who rubbed his arm nervously, shrinking under his friend’s gaze.

“Or someone who promises to call you and then actually calls you.” Coraline said moodily.

“Someone who doesn’t bully you or pick on you or call you cruel names.” commented Norman. 

“And will tell you what you need to hear and less of what you want to hear.” Honey responded in a humble voice.

RON:
“A person who ‘uh,...likes, is always, I.’ (THROWS AWAY THE PEN) Okay. Now I’m your best friend.”

(He takes the sticker, sticks it on him and heads for the door.)

Everyone laughs at him.

“I wasn’t even finished yet.” Barney chuckled as well.

BARNEY:
“Hey, come back.”

(He grabs Ron before he can leave the shed and pulls him back in.)

BARNEY:
“No, no, no. There’s a lot more than that, Ron.”

(He removes the sticker and pins more instructive notes to the board. Ron DINGS at each one he is given.)

BARNEY:
“You have to know everything about me. You have to like me, obviously. Like all the same stuff as me, and you have to be on my side. But don’t hit people. Even Rich Belcher. Hair, brown. Height, 4'11…”

“Okay, good. Glad you’re getting him to not hit me anymore.” Rich stubbornly snorted.

“No matter how hilarious it is.” muttered Ava cheekily.

“I heard that!” He shouted.

RON:
“5’11 would be better. You could reach high objects.”

BARNEY:
“Hey! (THROWS A TENNIS BALL) A friend likes everything about you.”

“Exactly!” Mei agreed, lighting up enthusiastically.

“But do they even need to like the same stuff as you?” asked Coraline. “What if they have their own interests?”

“Of course not. Not necessarily.” Asha stated, shaking her head. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having different interests.”

Ruby grumbled out loud saying, “Just so long as they don’t mock your or criticize you for it.”

“Hey, I’m fine with your cute, nerdy self. I never argued against it or made fun of you for it.” Margot groussed.

“Yeah, I know. And yet, this one time-”

“No spoilers!” Kade shouted.

(He ducks when Ron throws a frying pan at him. Ron takes the sticker and heads for the door again.)

RON:
“Let’s go to school.”

BARNEY:
“You don’t even know where school is.”

(Ron hides the door over and over again trying to leave.)

RON:
“Alice Springs, Allahabad, Anchorage, Albuquerque…”

“Oh, this is gonna be a long week.” Ballister let out an exasperated sigh, massaging his temples.

(Barney pulls up a map. Cut to Donka on top of the chimney trying to fix the antenna, though her efforts mess with the house’s power, even making it spark a bit.)

GRAHAM:
“Mom! You’re shorting the power out!”

“She really needs to stop messing with that.” Agatha objected with a shake of her head.

“Just look at that jumbled mess. That’s, for sure, gonna electrocute anything that goes near it.” speculated Linda, adjusting her glasses as she eyeballed the screen. “It’s a miracle they haven’t shorted the power out already.”

“And the electric bills must be insane.” Rick nodded, frowning.

“Piffle.” Grandsanta disagreed with them in a disgruntled manner. “Ye young ones underestimate your elders. Why, I could an antenne meself if I could.”

“Oh, sure you would.” Steve rolled his eyes.

(Barney takes Ron up onto the roof. From up there, Barney uses binoculars to give Ron a close view of the town of Nonsuch, from the Bubble store over to his school in the distance. After this, Ron has enlarged eyes to mimic the binoculars’ lens. Barney chuckles at him.)

Many people chuckled at the sight as well.

(From the perspective of the binoculars, they saw two kids on the sidewalk playing with their B-Bots, swapping through various skins. This makes Barney look at Ron inquisitively. Next, we see Barney drawing a superhero skin on Ron’s body with a marker.)

BARNEY:
“You gotta fit in.”

“Yeah, right. Like that’s gonna fool anybody.” scoffed Lou with a smirk on his lips.

(Ron puts the beanie hat back on. Later, Barney uses a flashlight to show Ron more instructive notes on the board, the things he loves.)

BARNEY:
“Likes: Rocks, chess, Pac-Man.

“I love Pac-Man!” Rudolf shouted immediately upon hearing those words. “Pac-Man is awesome! We play it at the arcade sometimes.”

“We do. And he always comes out with a better score than the rest of us.” nodded Roar, smiling mirthfully at the memories of those times they shared at the arcade together.

“You’d be surprised how someone with a brain the size of a breadcrumb would be able to outmaneuver all those ghosts and land a high score of 10,000,000 points. I shit you not.” Stig sardonically, but amusedly remarked, inwardly impressed at his friend’s gaming skills.

“10,000,000 points?!” Tyler screamed, sounding almost jealous. “No way! I’ve only managed to reach 20,000 points!”

Mei and the girls shook their eyes in amusement, shaking their heads and the boy’s childish envy.

“Ha, that’s nothing. Eugene and I would so smoke each other at better games than Pac-Man.” Billy snorted braggingly. “Ever played Call of Duty or Wolfenstein?”

“Call of what now?” asked Rudolf.

“You’ve never heard of it?!” Billy was baffled to hear such news. “What about Titanfall? Or Halo? Doom, Left 4 Dead, Bioshock, Overwatch, World of Warcraft, Team Fortress, or Half-Life? Nothing ringing a bell?”

Most of everyone in the audience - generally the ones not originating from the modern era - sent confused looks and stared at him as if he were losing his mind. It was indeed a fact that nothing he was saying rang any bells with them at all.

“.......I’m not familiar with any of these.” said a very confused and disconcerted Rudolf.

“I’ve played Star Raiders once on my Atari 2600. Does that count?” Roar suggested.

“What era are you guys from?!” shrieked Billy.

“Came down, Billy. Let’s just get back to the movie.” Kade sighed with a soft smile, reaching over to pat him on the shoulder.

(DING!)

RON:
“Bill the Bus.”

BARNEY:
“No! That was when I was, like, 2!”

Barney’s friends couldn’t help themselves. They giggled at this, seeing Ron bring up his old kiddie interests. However, there is that embarrassing feeling they would get when their parents would bring up stuff they used to enjoy when they were little, like favorite sing-along songs, favorite books and so forth for the sake of nostalgia, but it doesn’t sit right if they’re trying to be more mature and grow out of their old commonalities.

“What is Bill the Bus, by the way?” Camilo asked.

“That’s a very personal matter.” Barney spoke up and left it at that.

(The next day, Barney sneaks some buttered toast off the table in the kitchen to show Ron in the laundry room.)

BARNEY:
“Toast. But only for breakfast. (GIVES IT A LICK) Butter on its own.”

(Ron takes the toast from him and sticks it on his face in a hilariously poor attempt to eat it.)

RON:
“Mmm!”

Another round of laughter erupted from the crowd, especially the young children.

“He’s funny!” Antonio laughed.

(Barney hides him in the washing machine once Donka enters the room with a chicken in hand, who then punches the washing machine to get it running. Ron is being twirled around in a fast-spinning circle from inside the machine.)

While some people laughed, the UglyDolls were wincing and cringing at the memory of the many, many, many, many times they’ve been sent to the washer by Lou after messing up either by accident or because of his sneaky interferences just to be a jerk and watch them fail. How humiliating and irritating it was for them to be washed, rinsed and dried after being dirtied too many times to count.

“Yeah, he should probably get outta there.” Mrs. Zhong noted strongly.

(Later on, Barney and Ron are out near the trees, sitting on the ground far from behind the school with the binoculars again.)

BARNEY:
“Dislikes: Possums, musicals, school. Generally.”

“Yeah, who doesn’t hate school?” Norman sighed, thinking back to how many times he’s been bullied and picked on at school whenever he goes.

“Ugh, such a bore!” groaned Nimona a bit too dramatically, slumping over her chair as if exhausted.

“Yeah, school sucks.” Coraline nodded. “All the boring lectures, annoying teachers and kids who just make your life worse, even though you’ll meet some decent people, I guess.” 

Then she thought to herself moodily, ‘And then have to leave behind and forget about when you move to a new state ’.

Kris complacently stated, “Hell yeah, school’s certainly the worst place to be, especially high school. They’re like hunting grounds. There’s predator, there’s prey, there’s your jocks, your cheerleaders and your battle-axe of a principal.”

“Ditto.” Stig, Roar and Rudolf chorused in acquiescence.

But then Luca perked up saying with total honesty, “I dunno. I don’t think it’s that bad. It’s actually kinda amazing.”

“And it’s where you learn all the important stuff, like math.” Ruby peeped eagerly.

“And engineering and aerodynamics.” Fei Fei added.

“And science!” Hiro and Tadashi both shouted.

“And to help you learn how to adapt and survive in the grownup world with all the essentials to assist you when you need it and you will need it.” reasoned Brooke, with her daughter nodding in agreement and Prince scratching his head in confusion.

“Boo!” Alvin cried in disagreement.

“Nerd alert!” shouted back Tyler.

“What’s wrong with musicals?” asked Asha, knowing for a fact that musicals involve music.

“I dunno, I’m just not a fan of those, with all the singing and the dancing when there‘s so much story going on and the songs kinda ruin the flow, you know.” Barney expressed.

“I hear ya, brother.” Billy snorted.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little song!” Mirabel cried in defense, furrowing her eyebrows.

“What about possums?” Annie asked.

“They just really freak me out.”

“Okay, that’s understandable, I guess.” She winced and remembered when Hogarth tried to adopt forest animals into their home, like the raccoon and the squirrel.

(Catches a glimpse of the bench he sat at with Miss Thomas.)

BARNEY:
“The Buddy Bench.”

(He sees something on the ground that disgusts him.)

BARNEY:
“Eugh! Worms! I don’t trust anything without a face.”

“Can’t blame you.” Li Na shuddered. “Worms are so gross.”

(Ron then removes his own face to prank Barney with a good jump scare. He shrieks and they have a good laugh.)

The whole auditorium chuckled, safe for the villains in their row in the back. However, Callaghan seemed to let a warm smile appear on his lips. It reminded him of his Abigail when she was younger.

(Back in the shed, Barney draws a racecar skin on Ron and the eager B-Bot drives out of the shed and onto the street like a racecar and Barney chases after him as Ron is inches away from ramming a car from behind.)

BARNEY:
“Stop!”

RON:
“I am fitting in!”

“No, you’re about to collide into a car!” screamed a panicked Auntie Ling.

“He’s still learning, don’t forget.” Marc reminded her.

(Barney catches him and pulls him off the street. Back to more instructive notes.)

BARNEY:
“You must always stay within six feet.”

(They are walking away from the playground together.)

RON:
“I will always stay within six feet.”

BARNEY:
“Unless I say not to.”

(DING!)

(Ron walks the other direction.)

RON:
“I am not to stay within six feet.”

BARNEY:
“No, no. Sometimes, yes.”

RON:
(COMES BACK) “Sometimes.”

BARNEY:
“And sometimes, no.”

RON:
(TURNS AROUND) “Yes.”

BARNEY:
“Like, if I had a bad day or….”

RON:
(COMES BACK, GETS CONFUSED) “Bad day. Always six feet.” (COLLAPSES)

“Oh, my god.” Kent mumbled in aggravation, facepalming.

“I’m with the bot dude. I’m so confused.” Mitch replied.

“You might need to try to be more specific than that. Just saying.” Bryony reasoned.

“Yeah, faulty AI or not, technology won’t always get what you mean.” said Kade passively. “Try to speak on a level they’ll understand, otherwise they’ll get confused.”

“But I can’t be any more specific than that.” argued Barney.

(Barney laughs, then adds two more notes to ‘Stay within 6 ft of me’ like ‘Sometimes’ and ‘Not if I had a bad day!’. Next, they are under the bridge together.)

BARNEY:
“Allergies: Goats, wool. Goats’ wool. I’m basically allergic to life. (PICKS UP A ROCK) That’s why I like rocks.”

“Pfft. Loser.” Chelsea smirked, shaking her head at the absurdity of it all.

Savannah glared hotly at the snarky mermaid girl’s unappetizing comment and really wished there was some way she could sneak over there and give her what for if she keeps running her mouth like that.

“If you’re allergic to a goat, why do you live with one?” demanded the offended Valentino, who, coincidentally, also happens to be a goat.

“It’s not really my choice. It’s my Gran’s goat.” said Barney.

RON:
“That is sad and also tragic.”

“Yeah, I, like, totally agree.” Courtney snickered to herself.

“Courtney!” Her brown-haired brother growled.

“That’s impolite.” Victoria scolded her.

“Well, he’s not wrong, you know? Who even likes rocks so much? It’s just so weird.“ The blonde cheerleader asserted her case.

“‘Weird’ is a subjective term, isn’t it?” Ian queried, lifting an eyebrow. “Everyone has their own ideas of the same thing.”

“Oh, whatever.” scoffed Courtney.

BARNEY:
“What are you into, huh? Electricity?”

RON:
“Electricity is better than rocks.”

(To prove it, Ron yanks some wires from a power box and electrocutes himself, then gets blasted into the river.)

Everyone jumped in their seats.

“Well, don’t stand next to him or you’ll get shocked!” Laurel shrieked in terror.

BARNEY:
“Ron, what are you…?”

(Barney laughs at this, then Ron hits him with his beanie hat and laughs mockingly at him.)

“He’s floating away.” Fred absentmindedly pointed out.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Gogo sarcastically said, rolling her eyes.

(More notes are added to the board. Barney rides his scooter down the road with Ron behind him, who makes it within six feet while running with the boy.)

BARNEY:
“Whoo-hoo-hoo! You got it! You got the six feet!”

(In the shed, they play a game of chess. When it’s Ron’s turn, he takes a game piece and hits the gameboard with it a bunch of times.)

BARNEY:
“Hey! No, no, no….”

Everyone chuckled at the childish scene. Hogarth especially laughed, remembering the frustrating, yet memorable moments he’s tried to teach the Giant certain things like the difference between a tree and a rock.

“That’s not how you do it!” refuted Ming.

“Oh, come on. I’m sure some of us had thought of doing something like that once.” Kade chuckled in his throat.

“Ugh! That is absolutely childish!” huffed Wu haughtily.

“What is the game?” asked Raya with sudden curiosity.

“It’s called Chess.” answered Jen. “I can teach you it sometime.”

GRAHAM:
“Barney?”

(Barney hides Ron under a blanket once Graham pokes his head in.)

GRAHAM:
“I got a little break. You wanna do something? Chess, maybe?”

BARNEY:
“Uh, thanks, Dad. I’m good.”

“Wow. Avoiding your dad too now?” reported Rick giving a stern glance.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Barney blushed. “I guess I’ve been too focused on Ron to think of my family.”

The other Nonsuch kids eyed him when he said this since they all could relate to this when it came to their own activities with their B-Bots.

“But then again, they thought Ron had been crushed, so I’ve been trying to keep him a secret. I didn’t wanna risk him getting caught.” added Barney with a matter-of-factly tone. 

And a frightened and worried air replaced the previous one in the Nonsuch kids, remembering back to the incident at school again when Barney’s secret became exposed.

“Okay, good point there.” Rick shrugged.

(Beat.)

GRAHAM:
“Okay.”

(He closes the door and Barney pulls the blanket off of Ron. An accompanying montage shows the two bonding together, adding more notes to the board on ‘How to be my friend’. Barney even taped a rock and an inhaler to the board. Notes like ‘Don’t yell at me’, ‘Don’t break my things’, ‘Don’t let Dad or Gran see you’ and ‘Don’t put me in danger!! - Swear!’ are in the ‘DON’T’ section of the list. Other important instructions include ‘Laugh at my jokes’, ‘Don’t freak people out!’. ‘Enjoy doing stuff with me’ like pizza or stargazing are also present on the list. It’s gotten so full of suggestions and options that Barney had to use the wall for extra space.)

Everyone examined the board with awe and incomprehension. Some even hoped that all of this overloading of information would hinder his already fragile code.

“Wow. That's a lotta notes.” Chin remarked, eyes darting all over the place. “It’s making my head spin.”

“And running head-first into walls doesn’t?” Fei Fei retorted snarkily.

“Fei Fei!” Ba Ba reprimanded her.

“Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree. That’s an awful lot of do’s and don’ts to keep on top of. How’s he possibly gonna remember all of that?” Searcher diligently testified.

“He’ll learn along the way.” Jaeger waved it off. “He doesn't need to take all that stuff in right away.”

(It’s late in the day and Barney and Ron are out for a walk near the large Bubble tower up on a hill.)

BARNEY:
“Rocks.”

RON:
“Electricity.”

BARNEY:
“Rocks are better.”

RON:
“Electricity.”

BARNEY:
“Uh, I said rocks.”

RON:
“I prefer electricity.”

“Huh, he’s definitely different from the other B-Bots.” Savannah verified.

“As in what, again? Agreeing with everything you say and liking the same stuff as you? Is that correct? What kind of friendship is that?” blurted Gogo.

“Uh…”

“She’s right.” Katie debated as she butted in, disrupting Savannah’s chance to respond. “Let’s not forget you guys are friends with a device that’s only programmed to be friends with you.”

“That’s not-….” The girl was taken aback, but shook herself out of it. “They’re supposed to help us find friends.”

“Friends out of total strangers?” Claire rejoined.

“Aren’t all friends total strangers before we get to know them?” asked Yi.

“Yes, but that’s beside the point!”

Then Arthur C. proposed, “I think she just means that you may not be friends with someone you, well, cares about you for….you.”

“Of course I am!” Savannah replied immediately, but those with more common sense could quickly detect the hesitation in her sudden statement and tone, implying the contrary. Even Ron, Ava, and Noah were starting to question things themselves.

BARNEY:
(PULLS THE BEANIE OVER RON’S FACE) “Rocks.”

RON:
“Electricity. List friends.”

BARNEY:
“Uh. next question.”

(DING!)

“Boy, you sure opted outta that straight away.” Wage replied coolly with a straight face.

“Well, yeah.” Barney didn’t even try to deny it, because of how obvious it was at this point. “I wasn’t really close with anyone at that time. If my interactions with them before weren’t proof enough.”

He mentions this last part while shooting a look at his friends seated with him and they all shared a remorseful expression with each other.

BARNEY:
“You know, I’m…..I’m not actually unpopular, you know. That would mean they know I exist.”

“Technically yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean popular in a way that everyone treats you like a celebrity.” Din countered. “Like those other kids.”

“I’m not really trying to be that popular, though.” conceded Barney.

“I’m not exactly that popular myself.” Ava admitted suddenly, looking slightly embarrassed. “Not a lot of people follow Science Squad.”

“Harsh.” Nimona droned with disinterest.

“Nimona!” Ambrosius and Ballister griped at her in unison.

RON:
“Perhaps you don’t.”

Only a few people chuckled at this.

“He is not unpopular.” Ron spoke with a smile, as usual.

BARNEY:
“Hey!”

RON:
“List relations.”

BARNEY:
“Dad, Donka, some Bulgarian uncles. Donka says, actually, one was possessed, but I think it might have been a nut allergy.”

“More likely.” Bunnymund nodded.

(He and Ron sit on top of the hill with a stunning view of the town below.)

BARNEY:
“There was Mom, too, of course. But, uh, she died when I was 2. And Dad moved us out here. It doesn’t make me sad exactly ‘cause I….I can’t remember. But it did make things hard for Dad.”

Everyone fell silent at this story. Some could relate to this on a personal level themselves. It can be hard to keep a family going all by yourself when your partner dies. People like Alma for example and how lost she had been when she saw her Pedro get killed in front of her and how tough it’s been raising her triplets on her own. While it doesn’t justify the pain and misery she’s put her family through, mostly Mirabel, it should at least be considered.

And then there’s Chang’e. She, too, can understand what it’s like to lose someone she loves and how she had lost her way so long after that when she went to such great lengths to try and see him again and bring him back into her life. Not to mention Fei Fei’s beloved Ba Ba: after the passing of his wife, he had it rough until she found love again in Mrs. Zhong. Kat had lost part of herself after her parents’ death which she had always blamed herself for, Hiro couldn’t live with himself after his brother’s unfortunate demise until his friends and Baymax helped him push through, Victor F. hated having only to watch his precious dog Sparky get run over, Ian didn’t know his father very well either since he died before he was born, but he always wanted to know what he was like and Kris…….he had the worst of his all. He’d relate to this on a large magnitude.

RON:
“She was returned to the facility?”

BARNEY:
“I guess. No receipt.”

Despite the depressing subject of loss at the moment, many could help but giggle at Ron’s tactlessness.

However, Daniela had to interject, “That’s not what he meant by that.”

“He’s an AI device. They don’t always have the human concept of death and grief straight. He doesn’t like a person.” Billy corrected her.

“That is correct. Barney’s mom was returned to the facility.” Ron agreed with him in his own oblivious way.

The Champion laughed and shook his head.

(Barney scratches his neck, which Ron takes notice of.)

RON:
“Scratches neck 14.5 times a day.”

BARNEY:
“What are you doing?”

RON:
“I am learning about my friend.”

“No, I don’t.” Barney blushed as he denied this…….while currently scratching his neck, contradicting his claim.

“Yes, you do. You’re doing it right now.” Savannah cheekily rebutted, smirking at him as he reacted with displeasure, pulling a face.

“Oh, man.”

BARNEY:
“Oh, cool.”

RON:
(RAISES HAND) “Please slap my hand to show we are bonding.”

BARNEY:
“Oh, okay.”

(Barney high-fives Ron, but then Ron seemingly powers down.)

“What? Is he out of power already?” Neil chirped, alarmed.

BARNEY:
“You went to sleep!”

RON:
“No, it was a move.”

(Barney laughs.)

“Oh.” Then Neil laughed. “That sure got me.”

“Huh, Ron must be doing things on his own accord, by the looks of it.” mused Tadashi as she scratched as his chin. 

“What could you possibly mean by that?” asked Steve.

“Since Ron’s apparently functioning completely on his own without a specific code to control and influence his actions, it’s almost as if he’s self-aware in a way.” Tadashi explained elaborately.

“Oh, boy. I just hope nothing bad happens because of this.” Mark winced, eyes darting back and forth as if he were being spied on.

The Nonsuch kids all winced and sweated. Although Mark hinted at something else with this worried statement, the memory of the Poop Girl incident returned once more.

RON:
“Am I now your best friend out of the box?”

BARNEY:
(SHOVES RON) “You’re not still after that sticker.”

(Ron rolls down the hill as they laugh, but then Barney’s joy turns to panic when Ron rolls farther down the hill, picking up speed. He races after him to try and catch him.)

“Uh oh.” Wybie’s eyes widened. “That can’t be good.”

“Try to be more careful next time.” Susan informed him.

“Yeah, okay!”

BARNEY:
“Oh, no, Ron. I’m so sorry. Hold on. Hold on.”

RON:
“Connect. Connect.”

BARNEY:
“No! Stop!”

(He then realizes that Ron was rolling right in the direction of a house that had a nice pool in the backyard, one that he knew all too well and his panic dials up frighteningly high.)

“Oh no.” Barney hid his face in his hands, groaning in agonizing mortification. This memory was probably the worst one he’s had since he’s had Ron - being caught with Ron by Savannah Meades of all people, the girl at the school whom the boy has eventually come to admire in such a way that seems to surpass friendship.

Though nonplussed by his reaction, even Savannah shared that sentiment all too well.

“Ooh! That’s a neat-looking house.” Raúl marveled at the sight.

BARNEY:
“Oh, no! Not that one! Ron!”

RON:
“Connect. Connect. Connect.”

BARNEY:
“That’s Savannah’s house!”

“Savannah?” Raúl blurted out, surprised. “Well, I guess that makes a lot of sense.”

“What do you mean?” Siobhan asked, sounding more offended than curious.

“I mean, she does look like the type of person who lives in a stylish, middle-class-ish house, in my honest opinion. I can honestly tell the kind of luxuries certain people have just based on their appearances and personalities. Kinda picked that up from you girls actually.”

With this, Siobhan and her two friends eyed each other - perplexed, but also with a hint of disdain.

(And there, Savannah herself and her friend were sitting in lounge chairs under an umbrella at the pool deck with their B-Bots as usual. At the moment, Savannah was in the middle of another live-streaming session with her B-Bot recording her.)

SAVANNAH:
“Okay, key light, Malibu filter. Perfect.”

GIRL:
“Boom!”

SAVANNAH:
(ADDRESS HER VIEWERS) “Oh! Hey, guys. You just caught me chilling.”

“And look who happens to be there right now. What luck he has.” Gabo rolled his eyes, grunting.

“So Savannah’s gonna find out next about Ron?” asked Guilia. “Now things are really gonna get ugly fast.”

“Hey!” blustered the girl in question. “I’m not like that!”

“Oh, yeah? We’ll see what the movie has to say about that.”

Most of the villains were beginning to feel an inkling itching at the back of their minds about this troubling turn of events and deliriously had high hopes that this would lead to the eventual downfall of Barney. Now this would positively be much more entertaining than most of the sickening lightheartedness they’ve been forced to sit through halfway into the movie.

(Suddenly, Ron comes flying out behind them, scaring the hell out of them both while Ron gets caught on some porch lights, laughing maniacally all the while and lands directly in a unicorn floatie in the pool, taking the light bulbs with him and electrocuting himself in the water, jerking all around on the floatie as the girls screamed in terror as if they were being invaded.)

RON:
“Afloat. Aquatic. Accident.”

Everyone jumped in their seats startled, but also groaned in frustration at the mess and ruckus Ron was causing. Barney growled at himself for being so foolish at causing Ron to roll all the way down to Savannah’s pool. And this little screw-up of his was only the starting point of Bubble discovering his B-Bot’s whereabouts.

“Damn it, Ron.” Roar groaned in annoyance.

(Then the last light bulb goes out, leaving only darkness and silence on the pool deck. As the girls held each other protectively, she both panted and hoped it was safe now. The silence is disrupted by the sound of wheezing behind them.)

SAVANNAH:
“What is that? It sounds like a giant snake. Or an evil clown. They live in the woods and their heads go all the way around!”

Everyone stared at the screen dumbfounded while Savannah was close to losing it, sitting here while a scene of her in her most embarrassing moment - second to the school incident, that is - and being seen cowering like a child hiding from the boogeyman. Pitch himself was eyeing the scene with glee, wondering what terrifying hijinks he could get into with the girl if he ever got his hands on one of her dreams.

“Uh, what?” asked UglyDog, baffled.

“What does that mean?” Prince peeped, stupified. “And what’s a clown?”

“Have you been watching scary movies, young lady?” asked Ping.

Savannah covered her face the entire time, dragging out a pained groan, just hoping to God this would be over soon. The Poop Girl fiasco was already bad enough.

(They fearfully peek their heads over their lounge chairs to check the back. The wheezing was just Barney as he finally arrived through the opening in the fence, making his presence known. However, the girls scream blood-murder like he was a serial killer.)

BOTH:
“Evil clown! Evil clown!”

BARNEY:
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just really wheezy, guys. I’ve been running. Ron!”

“Are you always this shaky?” asked Mitch.

“N-No!” Savannah was quick to deny it.

(He jumps into the pool to retrieve Ron.)

SAVANNAH:
“Barney Pudowski?”

(He and Ron are clinging to the unicorn floatie, which capsizes due to Barney’s extra weight, leaving them to fall into the water. The girls gasp.)

SAVANNAH:
“You’ve ruined my aesthetic!”

“Poor you.” Stig retorted unsympathetically.

Growling under her breath, Savannah glared menacingly at the black-haired boy.

(Barney resurfaces, coughing up water.)

BARNEY:
“Sorry, Savannah. Nice pool.”

SAVANNAH:
“Wait, since when did you even have a B-Bot? And…..woah. Look at him.”

“Thanks.” Savannah meekly responded to that compliment, unknowingly letting a pink hue appear on her cheeks. Barney blushed as well, looking the other way. However, Ava, Noah and Rich all took notice of this immediately and figured there must be something going on here.

“I told you I had gotten a B-Bot before, didn’t I?” Barney informed her.

“I thought you were joking! Like, I dunno, you were just trying to impress us because you were……were…..”

“Desperate?” Ava said stonily.

Savannah cringed, “……….y-yeah, kinda.”

(Barney gets Ron out of the pool while the girls eye him strangely.)

BARNEY:
“I’m sorry. We’re going right now. I just….”

(The floatie pops and deflates in his hands and he stammers nervously.)

SAVANNAH:
“Barney, your B-Bot is, like, super weird.”

“Totally.” Courtney snorted. “Like ultra-mega-freaky-weird. Super delulu AF.”

“‘Delulu’?” Aaron asked.

“For the life of me, you have a very peculiar vocabulary for a young girl. One that I shall never comprehend.” Victoria said to her.

“Whatever, grandma.” snarked Courtney.

“Young lady, you would do best to watch your tongue!” Emily scolded, frowning.

GIRL:
“Yeah.”

SAVANNAH:
“And naked?”

GIRL:
“Ew!”

“Why does everyone keep calling him naked?” asked a naïve Gobi. “He doesn’t even have any…….you know, those things underneath.”

“Everyone else’s B-Bots have these character skins and Ron doesn’t have one.” Ruby answered.

(Ron holds onto his arm as if to cover his private parts.)

SAVANNAH:
“And hold on a sec. Why hasn’t it friended me?”

“Of course that’s your biggest concern.” Kat rolled her eyes.

SAVANNAH’S B-BOT:
“Would you like to friend @theSavannahMeads?”

(Her B-Bot scans Ron, but is unable to get him to friend her owner.)

RON:
“No. He can’t do any of that stuff. He can’t make friends or…..He’s useless at all that.”

“Useless?” Eric and Deborahbot 5000 shouted, appalled. “We're malfunctioning robots with our own programming ourselves and I assure you we are not useless, tiny, skinny human.”

“I didn’t mean you guys, I meant Ron.” Barney corrected them. “He’s unable to make friends because of his missing code and everything.”

“But don’t you even want him to make friends for you?” Alberto remarked.

“Yeah, sort of, but…it’s complicated, okay?” replied Barney.

“‘Absalom?’ is not unpopular.” Ron chirped.

SAVANNAH:
(GASPS) “Can’t make friends?”

GIRL:
“What?”

SAVANNAH:
“Barney, don’t say your weirdness has rubbed off on him. Making friends is, like, what he’s for. If he can’t do that, he’s, like, literally pointless. Like, a lump of plastic just following you around.”

SAVANNAH’S B-BOT:
“#Landfill.”

“That’s kinda harsh.” Peng commented. “To say he can’t make friends because he’s weird.”

“Some friend you’d be.” hissed Gogo.

“Yeah, deep cut.” Priya frowned.

Savannah didn’t take kindly to that last one, but they were right. She truly wasn’t that great of a person when she first turned to social media.

RON:
“I am for making friends?”

BARNEY:
“Ron….” (TRIES TO TAKE HIS HAND)

RON:
“How do I make friends for Barney?”

“I have a feeling he’s asking the wrong person.” Kris deadpanned with an unreadable expression.

BARNEY:
“Come.” (PULLS HIS ARM OFF AND FALLS BACK INTO THE POOL)

SAVANNAH:
“Seriously.”

GIRL:
“Ugh!”

(Savannah’s B-Bot projects her project picture onto the umbrella above their heads as well as her posts.)

SAVANNAH:
“You share stuff about him. Like pictures of his food or his wake-up routine. You search for people who know him or like the same stuff as him. You show them pictures and then you get comments and then you get people who like him and then you get friend invites. Boom! Now he has friends.”

GIRL:
“Duh.”

The entire audience stared blankly at the screen, absorbing all this abstruse information to those unfamiliar with the world of technology and social media. However, those who were could see how attention-seeking this sounded - nothing related to actual friendship outside of gadget addiction and the like. Some even had a strong feeling that none of this wasn’t going to be any helpful for Ron in achieving his prime directive of finding friends for Barney and that it may have some dire consequences.

“I knew it.” Kris snorted.

“Uh, wow…….um, okay……I-I…….” Mei scratched her head, flabbergasted and bewildered beyond belief that she couldn’t find her words.

“Um, I dunno.” Abby murmured.

“Wow, what a universally complex and befogging place this realm is with its abnormal language, lingo and whatnot.” Boun muttered with a sigh.

“Bah!” Baby Noi agreed.

“I don’t see how any of this mumbo-jumbo will be as useful as any of Barney's logic and advice, but what do I know?” Claire responded.

“So let me get this straight.” began Giulia. “People in your times share all their personal stuff with people they’ve never known, except praise and compliments for them and hope they’ll be best friends with you? Am I getting this all right?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way, exactly, but…”

Savannah was interrupted by Roar who brazenly said, “Look, I’m not gonna pretend to understand any of this stuff, but this doesn’t sound like making friends. It sounds more like chasing clout to me.”

“What?” She yelped.

“He’s got a point there.” Kade confronted. “I’m picking up on some self-promotion here. Like you’re presenting yourself to everyone online to make them acknowledge and appreciate your work just so they’ll want more from you. I’m not sensing any real friendship here.”

“I……never saw it that way.” Savannah dropped her downcasted eyes to the floor.

“Why does this sound familiar?” Bruno asked, looking around at all his family members. They all tensed up at his scrutinizing gaze.

BARNEY:
“Ron. We have to go!”

(He picks Ron up and leaves.)

RON:
“Does Barney need friends?”

“Yes, everyone should have friends.” Jack replied. “No one should have to be all alone their whole lives.”

“I wholeheartedly agree. But I don’t think it’s kind of “friends” she’s thinking about.” said Asha warily.

SAVANNAH:
“Well, yeah! Or, fun fact, he will not survive middle school.”

(DING!)

BARNEY:
“Savannah, please don’t tell anyone. I’m not supposed to have him. He has to be a secret.”

“I think it’s already too late for that.” Dr. Zara droned sardonically.

“Meaning what?” hissed Annie.

“We’ve already seen the kind of person she is. Do the math.” sassed the ginger-haired poacher bitingly.

Savannah looked back at her in both horror and anger, but inside, she felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she stroked her hair and bit her bottom lip.

(After that, Barney carries Ron with him down the sidewalk towards his house. When he gets there, he sees the shed and looks at Ron, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to let him sleep with him in the house.)

(Inside the house, Graham was speaking with a new client.)

GRAHAM:
“Uno momento. She’s rewiring los electricos.”

“That’s a terrible use of Spanish.” Agustín cringed.

“Yeah, my dad’s trying to learn different languages to communicate with people everywhere.” Barney heaved a knowing sigh.

(For his next product, it happens to be a squeaky unicorn toy.)

GRAHAM:
“Okay. Unicorn poo.”

(When he squeezes it, pink glittery stuff squirts out of its rear end. He doesn't exactly understand everything the man is saying.)

Much like with the other items Graham has presented in the past, this one did not impress anyone nor exceed any high expectations. Few people even looked disturbed by such a project as it looked weird and gross for a kid’s toy.

“Man, this just gets sadder and sadder every time.” Stig groaned and shook his head.

GRAHAM:
“It’s great. You like it! Well, shipping date, um….”

(He presses a key on his keyboard to get started on the shipping, but it shocks him when he touches it and he yelps in pain.)

GRAHAM:
“Ow! It shocked me!”

“Well, that’s what you get for messing around with cables and electronics.” attested Brooke firmly.

(In Barney’s bedroom, he dries Ron off with a towel and places him under his bed. Barney hops in the bed, about to turn the lamp off.)

BARNEY:
“Mind if I leave it on?”

RON:
“I am literally pointless.”

BARNEY:
“What?”

RON:
“I cannot make friends for you.”

“Maybe he doesn’t need to.” mentioned Luca.

“But I am for making friends. I am to fit in.” Ron defended.

“Yeah, but what if you could be his friend instead?” Luca suggested to him.

“He’s a talking robot.” Kent scoffed and chuckled darkly. “A talking robot can’t be anyone’s friend. It’s nonsense!”

Hogarth glowered with hatred, fighting the urge to shout back in defiance and tell him to shut his face or else. Eric and Deborahbot 5000 both gave an exaggerated gasp of horror and the Big Hero 6 gang glared as well.

“Incorrect. ‘Absalom?’ is my best friend. I am his best friend out of the box.” Ron concurred.

BARNEY:
“Yeah. Well……I’m not so great at that either. You should see me during recess. Oh, it sucks. I stand there every day, on my own, on the edge of the yard, just hoping for a few people to share a bench with. You know? But why would they? The last time any of them came to my house, we set fire to them.”

“But it wasn’t your fault, Barney.” Ava was quick to say.

“Is this because our parents got mad about that?” Noah asked worriedly.

“Mostly.” Barney shrugged, pulling a face. “But also because….well, you guys kinda stopped visiting me after the party, stopping hanging out with me and stopped talking to me. I always thought it was because you guys were mad at me for almost getting you all torched and thought I was a bad influence or something.”

“What? No, dude!” Rich denied. “That party was sick!”

“I guess we all just kinda…..grew up.” Savannah hesitantly stated, looking away.

“Yeah.” Barney moaned.

(But then suddenly, the power shorts out due to Graham tampering with the electricity from his laptop, leaving Barney’s room dark.)

GRAHAM:
(FROM DOWNSTAIRS) “Ow! Not again!”