Chapter Text
Fuck.
Josh’s head was spinning. He couldn’t think straight. He was bolting down the road, he didn't know where to go. All he had was his phone. He didn’t know how long he ran. He couldn’t quite figure it out through the haze of emotions overtaking him. All he felt was anger, or that’s what he told himself. He couldn’t admit his sadness over his parent’s lack of acceptance, he would just be proving them right. He’s never going to be a boy. Anger was the only emotion he was allowed to feel. After what could have been hours, he slowed down a bit. He caught his breath and looked around, he seemed to be in a parking lot in a dingy part of town. He kept looking, but he didn’t recognize his surroundings. He still couldn’t breathe. He needed to talk to Tyler.
joshhh : hey ty
ty : what’s up! you’re usually eating dinner around now lol
joshhh : can i come over
ty : uhh of course
ty : you good though?
joshhh : doesnt matter. do you think you could give me a ride
joshhh : sorry
ty : no problem, where r u?
joshhh : dont know. lemme check
joshhh : the parking lot by that old shopping center. I think its near the lake
ty : sure man, on my way
Josh still had no idea how long he’d been running, meaning Tyler could be there in a few minutes, or 2 hours. He decided laying down in the patch of grass couldn’t hurt. Nobody came to this place anyways, he’d be safe.
He was awoken abruptly by a honk that caused his heart to jump out of his chest. It took him a minute to register where he was, or what was happening. All of it flooded back to him and he felt hopeless again, until he heard Tyler’s steady breathing beside him. His best friend, his lifeline.
“Hey, hey, J. I’m here, I'm here.” Tyler said with a reassuring tone that made Josh think maybe he’d be okay.
“Mmf.” Is all Josh could muster, pointing to Tyler’s car. He got up, ignoring his aching bones and walked to the passenger seat.
“We don’t have to go just yet, do you want to talk to me, try to settle down?”
“Don’t wanna cry here. Your house.”
Tyler didn’t need to be told twice. He revved up the car and put his foot to the pedal. He was confused. He was always there for his best friend, but he was worried. He needed Josh to explain it all to him, or at the very least tell him what happened. Tell him anything. It took about 25 minutes to get back to Tyler’s house, so Josh approximated that he must have ran for at least 10 miles from his house. They pulled into Tyler’s driveway, a comfortable but harsh silence still settled between them. Josh ran up to Tyler’s room, not wanting to encounter any of his roommates. He settled onto Tyler’s bed, mentally preparing to have to explain, and in turn relive what had happened that evening.
“Josh. Talk to me,” Tyler pleaded, desperate for any kind of interaction from his disheveled counterpart.
“Tyler. My mom- she-” Josh croaked out, doing his best to stop from sobbing.
“Oh god, oh my god. She found out, didn’t she? Fuck, Josh, I prayed it wouldn’t end up like this.”
“She kicked me out. I have nowhere to go. Ashley, Abby and Jordan are supportive, but they can’t let me back home. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh my god Josh, c’mere baby. We’re gonna figure it out.”
Tyler looked embarrassed at the slip of the nickname, but Josh didn’t seem to care. He nestled into Tyler’s arms, and the dam he had been holding back came out. He cried. He cried, and he cried. Tyler cried too. Eventually they fell asleep, holding each other like they would float away without each other.
In the morning, Tyler woke up first. He remembered what had happened the previous night as he peered down onto his beautiful boy. He felt sick at the prospect that anyone could do that to him. He felt so many things, but mostly he felt angry. Angry, angry, angry. He didn’t have the words to describe the pure hatred seething in his gut towards Josh's parents. He was going to help Josh. He wouldn't let him get stuck like this. He was glad it was a Saturday, so he and Josh had time to plan. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he thought maybe Josh could even stay over the next day, if he hadn’t found a place by then. He must have been thinking for a while, because eventually Josh stirred in his lap. He sat up, looking flustered at the position he had fallen asleep in. They didn’t have time to discuss whatever was happening between the two of them. That wasn’t important right now.
“Morning.” Josh mumbled.
“Morning to you too. you need anything right now?”
“Yeah, can I use your shower?”
“‘Course. Go ahead”
Josh walked lopsidedly to the bathroom across the hall, body still aching from the marathon he had practically run. He was left alone with his thoughts again, which wasn’t good, but he feared it was going to be happening a lot. He locked the door behind him, and began to get undressed. The second he looked in the mirror, he felt like he was going to faint. He hated the way his body curved. The way his face rounded in all the wrong places. He turned off the light, and hopped into the freezing cold shower. He didn’t usually like cold showers, but he thought it might help him get a hold of himself. He washed himself quickly, not giving himself time to think. He jumped out as quickly as he had gotten in, wrapping a towel around his body. He hated how high he had to wrap it. He wished it could be at his waist, like the rest of the boys his age. He groaned as he realized his clothes had gotten all wet. His binder seemed to be dry, but that meant he’d have to borrow clothes from Tyler. He dried himself vigorously, put his binder on and put the towel back on top.
As he emerged, he felt his heart melt.
“Hey,” Tyler said, smiling with a softness in his eyes Josh couldn’t bear. “I picked you out some clothes. Thought you might wanna change from that grimy sweatshirt.”
Josh just chuckled. “Yeah, thanks.”
He grabbed the clothes, and went back into the bathroom to slip on the Death Cab for Cutie shirt and black sweatpants Tyler had picked out. He liked the way they fit him, and they smelled like Tyler, which made him happier than he was ever going to admit. He walked back into Tyler’s room, fighting a grin, and plopped himself on his bed.
“So..” Tyler ventured, “You wanna talk?”
“Not really. Not yet. Can we get some food?”
“Yeah, but the car’s almost out of gas so we can’t go to Taco Bell.”
Josh let out a defeated half-kidding sigh.
“Damnit. You read my mind, though.” He grinned.
“I always do, don’t I? Cmon, Lets go downstairs. The guys will be wondering where I am by now. “
Josh sighed again. He had completely forgotten about Tyler’s two roommates. They were good guys, but they didn’t quite know Josh like Tyler did. As they ascended the stairs leading into the kitchen, Mark had to ruin the mood. Of course.
“Ooh, Joshie stayed overrrr?” He giggled, throwing a redbull to Tyler from the fridge.
“Don’t, man. Seriously.” Tyler said with a roughness in his voice that reduced Mark’s wittiness to an “Oookay..”
“Josh, you want a Red Bull too?” Tyler asked as he absentmindedly plundered through the pantry
“Sure. What do y’all have to eat?”
“Not much, to be honest. Basics, you know. Cereal, toast, whatever you can put together.”
Josh grimaced, but decided on cereal. The space was cramped so they had to sit next to Michael at the small kitchen table in an awkward silence.
“Not to like, pry or anything, but why did Josh stay over last night? His parents don’t usually let him.” Michael asked, trying to mask the suggestiveness in his voice.
“It’s a long story. But seriously, man, it’s not like that.” Tyler snapped.
“Alright, I guess. I’ve got work. See ya guys”
“Hvagodday” Tyler mumbled through a mouthful of cereal.
They put their bowls away, and decided to watch TV. Mark had gone out to see his girlfriend, so it was just the two of them.
“So,” Tyler said after about 20 minutes in a companionable silence, watching whatever sitcom was on. “I know neither of us want to talk about it, but we’re gonna need to figure something out.”
“Yeah. I honestly don't know what I’m gonna do.” Josh said, with a defeated expression that broke Tyler’s heart.
“Do you have any family in the area?”
“None. My aunt and uncle just moved away, like a month ago.”
“Oh my god, Josh. This all just sucks. It sucks so bad.”
They just sat there for a while, until Tyler spoke up and said;
“Just, by the way, I hope you don't blame yourself for this. This isn’t your fault at all. You’ve always been, and will always be a boy. Anyone who can’t see that doesn’t deserve to know you. You’re absolutely perfect, and you didn’t do anything wrong. You just have to fight a little harder than the rest of us.”
Josh wanted to cry again, right there. Honestly, it’s a miracle he didn’t.
“Thank you, Tyler. Thank you so much. You honestly have no idea how much that means, so like. Thanks.” Josh sputtered out, in between an awkward laugh and trying not to cry.
“Of course, J. Hey, I know this might be like- too much or whatever, but I could totally ask the guys how they’d feel about you moving in. Cause I like- seriously wouldn’t mind.” Tyler spat out, clearly embarrassed and trying to control the blush creeping up his cheeks.
“Really?!- I mean- that would be- I’ll think about it.”