Chapter Text
phantom hearts of thieves?
4:49 PM
pushes up glasses: hey guys it’s been a while
reveals your true form: we literally just talked in here earlier
pushes up glasses: yeah but They don’t know that
reveals your true form: WHO THE HELL IS THEY????
pushes up glasses: anyways!
pushes up glasses: you guys are not gonna BELIEVE the shit i just found out
makochan: I am already so terrified.
m'lady: Aw, it can’t be that bad!
reveals your true form: have you met futaba
kouhai: I’ll prepare myself!
pushes up glasses: no everyone needs to prepare
pushes up glasses: @everyone
bromance: uadgjh
eat crepes fight creeps: uh ohhhh
stand back heathen: ?
smthng smthng pancakes: I’m busy.
pushes up glasses: i do NOT care
pushes up glasses: it involves u anyway so u cant leave
reveals your true form: PLEEEEEEEASE DONT TELL ME HES NOT SINGLE ANYMORE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
eat crepes fight creeps: oh my fucking god???
pushes up glasses: girl calm yourself
smthng smthng pancakes: Jesus Christ.
bromance: somebody needs to sedate him
bromance: sedate?
makochan: Correct.
bromance: as in the way i spelled it or the actual thing
makochan: Both.
bromance: ok sick
reveals your true form: youre right ryuji this is sick and twisted
stand back heathen: Futaba hasn’t even said anything yet.
pushes up glasses: THANK YOU
stand back heathen: Your chance to leave is now, Akira. Save yourself the heartache.
reveals your true form: thanks for the psychological support
reveals your true form: do i even need a therapist if yusuke exists ❤️
m'lady: You still haven’t found one?
reveals your true form: im having a little trouble trusting therapists when my old one fistfought me because i traumatized him with my trauma
eat crepes fight creeps: tbf wasnt he already traumatized
kouhai: I don’t think the rest of us made it much better, though.
smthng smthng pancakes: He should’ve died a suffering death by uppercut.
pushes up glasses: OH MY FUCKING GOD
pushes up glasses: LET ME SPEKA
bromance: well get on w it bro
pushes up glasses: die???
pushes up glasses: OKAY SO
pushes up glasses: i was doing my annual stalking of everyones phones
reveals your true form: okay who wants to confess before futaba embarrasses you for life
pushes up glasses: NO
m'lady: She already said it involves Akechi.
eat crepes fight creeps: whatd u do girl :(
smthng smthng pancakes: Nothing?
pushes up glasses: LET ME DO IT
pushes up glasses: ok annual stalking blah blah blah
pushes up glasses: get to goros texts.
pushes up glasses: hes been talking to KEN
pushes up glasses: AND GET THIS
pushes up glasses: THEYRE LIKE. ACTUAL FRIENDS
bromance: YOU HAVE MORE FRIENDS?????/
bromance: WHERE R U GETTING THEM MY GUY
smthng smthng pancakes: Walmart. Where else are you supposed to get them?
bromance: hahahaha dude ur so fuckin hilarious SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
reveals your true form: KENSTER????? AND GORO??????
reveals your true form: AND NOBODY TOLD ME???????????????????
eat crepes fight creeps: it’s okay akira we’re going to get u some help
smthng smthng pancakes: I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. We quite literally have a whole other group chat with him in it.
pushes up glasses: THATS DIFGERENT
pushes up glasses: U GUYS BARELY TALK TO EACHOTHER THERE
pushes up glasses: UR LIKE FUCKING BESTIES IN DMS???
kouhai: I, for one, am very happy you’re getting out of your shell more, Akechi-senpai! It’s so nice to see. ❤️
makochan: I fear for Ken.
stand back heathen: I agree with Sumire, I believe this is a positive step forward.
reveals your true form: WHY DOES NOBODY TELL ME ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME
m'lady: Akira, you’re getting a little too worked up over this.
reveals your true form: tell that to my hand blocking kens number
eat crepes fight creeps: girl.
kenster
4:52 PM
jokester: KEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭
kenster: Hi Akira! What’s wrong?
jokester: i HATE that you’re so nice it makes it impossible to be mad at you
kenster: Why would you be mad at me? D:
jokester: UR FRIENDS WITH GORO
jokester: AND U NEVER TOLD ME 😭😭😭😭😭
kenster: I’m friends with all of you! We have a group chat! I don’t know what you’re upset over :(
jokester: NO BUT LIKE
jokester: ur like
jokester: Friends
jokester: with goro
jokester: HE DOESNT HAVE A LOT OF THOSE
kenster: I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m really following.
jokester: it’s okay ken i’m just insane
kenster: Would you rather me… not? Talk to Akechi?
jokester: NO
jokester: I MEAN NO AS IN DONT
jokester: I MEAN DONT AS IN
jokester: SHIT
kenster: Take your time!
jokester: DONTSTOP BEING FRIENDS WITH HIM???? i’m just messing with u ken i’m secretly so glad he actually speaks to other humans besides me and ann
jokester: well. and rise and naoto but i’m still not over that
kenster: Oh yeah, from the celebrity group chat! Yukari’s in that :)
jokester: …
jokester: HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
kenster: It’ll be okay ❤️
phantom hearts of thieves?
4:55 PM
reveals your true form: ok i thought ab it some more and now im just realizing its kinda sad that we arent all friends with all the other persona users
eat crepes fight creeps: speak for yourself!! rise, naoto, and yukari are all super fun ppl
reveals your true form: what??? WHAT??????
eat crepes fight creeps: akira i’ve BEEN friends with rise
reveals your true form: I KNOW THAT WHAT ABOUT NAOTO AND YUKARI????!?!??!?!?!??!?!
m'lady: You all are going to give him an aneurysm!
smthng smthng pancakes: That is what I hope for.
reveals your true form: WAIT. SO ARE YOU GUYS IN THE SAME GC????
eat crepes fight creeps: i fear i’ve said too much
makochan: What would you want us to even do about making friends with the other persona users? I feel that a large group chat would be too chaotic.
reveals your true form: HOLD ON MAKOTO IM HAVING A MOMENT
makochan: 😐
pushes up glasses: EW WHY ARE U USING EMOJIS???
reveals your true form: TOO MUCH IS GOING WRONG
m'lady: I taught her! :-)
pushes up glasses: ugh i hate gay people
bromance: DUDE????
makochan: Ah, yes, because emojis are obviously gay.
stand back heathen: On the contrary, I’ve found that the more emojis you use, the more likely you are to be straight.
stand back heathen: Discounting Ann.
eat crepes fight creeps: GIRL
eat crepes fight creeps: yea u right
reveals your true form: do u use emojis yusuke
pushes up glasses: omg its the new “do u listen to girl in red”
eat crepes fight creeps: HAHAHHA
stand back heathen: Only the lobster one. And the paintbrush, on occasion.
stand back heathen: 🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞
reveals your true form: ok so what does that mean.
pushes up glasses: it means hes attracted to lobsters
makochan: No.
bromance: oh hell nah
stand back heathen: I suppose one could say I am attracted to their aesthetic appeal.
eat crepes fight creeps: yusuke dont say that or anything similar in public okay my love????
stand back heathen: Why not?
reveals your true form: SO ANYWAYS
reveals your true form: hey wait goro never uses emojis
reveals your true form: He Must Be Gay!
pushes up glasses: FORK FOUND IN KITCHEN ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
smthng smthng pancakes: I hate you all.
reveals your true form: ONE CHANCW PELASE
kouhai: He went offline, Akira.
reveals your true form: GODDAMMT
wildcards
5:29 PM
fool: hey guys
fool: we should bond more
universe (better): okay!
universe (better): how
fool: great question that’s why i’m here
world: Cat cafe
universe (better): i’m down
universe (better): will u bring ur cat
world: Hana goes everywhere with me
universe: wasn’t she supposed to go to a shelter
universe: what are yosuke’s feelings on the matter
world: Bold of you to assume he has a say
fool: so we’re just gonna bring everyone to a cat cafe
fool: how big are cat cafes usually
world: Aigis find us the biggest cat cafe
aeon: The biggest cat cafe in the world is in Chattanooga, Tennessee, United States. Would you like me to purchase plane tickets for everyone?
world: Yes
universe: don’t do that aigis
universe (better): DO IT AIGIS
universe: i’m begging you mitsuru would kill us all
aeon: A likely scenario. I will not purchase plane tickets.
world: Damn
fool: what about in japan
aeon: The biggest cat cafe in Japan is Cat Cafe MOCHA in Shinjuku.
fool: WHAT
fool: HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN IT
world: Akira.
fool: yeah
world: What in the hell were you doing in Shinjuku.
universe (better): uh oh yu’s gone dad mode
universe: i’m actually also a little concerned about that
universe (better): oh fuck that we went to the nightclub regularly when we were his age
universe: valid point
world: What??????
universe (better): don’t act so surprised yu didnt you guys go to the same club on ur field trip or wtv
world: Oh yeah. Shit
fool: lmfaoo???
fool: what were you doing at the club on a FIELD TRIP
world: I honestly don’t know I just went along with everyone else
world: I don’t remember much of the club except for when I tried to get Yosuke to sit on my lap
universe (better): WHAT???????????
world: We all got drunk and decided to play King’s Game
world: Spoiler alert he was still going through his homophobic phase and wouldn’t do it I ended up giving him a piggyback ride
universe: what the fuck
@Alibaba has added @Alibaba to the chat.
Alibaba: i’m sorry his WHAT phase
fool: DUDE
world: Hey Futaba
world: Long story
aeon: How strange. This group chat has state-of-the-art encryption. Fuuka and I designed it ourselves.
universe: what the fuck x2
universe (better): omg what hello
fool: ignore that its just my sister
Alibaba: yeah encryption is top tier icl but also L i’m better
universe: yeah this is definitely your sister akira
Alibaba: can we go back to yosukes homophobic phase
Alibaba: the other day when you two were over i watched him feed you curry it was disgusting
world: That means nothing he did that when he was homophobic too
universe (better): nono hold on how did you get past Fuuka and Aigis’s Gnarly encryption
universe (better): or as i like to call it …
universe: do not
Alibaba: like i said i’m better
fool: she’s medjed
Alibaba: BITCH??
universe (better): ARE YOU SHITTING MEEEEE
universe (better): IM UR BIGGEST FAN
universe (better): IVE ALWAYS WONDERED HOW U DO ALL THAT SHIT
Alibaba: oh
Alibaba: practice >:33333
fool: years of isolation
Alibaba: okay.
aeon: I’d like to get you in touch with Fuuka. If you are okay with it, we’d be amenable to meeting with you to discuss where our encryption fails.
Alibaba: oh what
fool: damn get that collab
world: I still wanna know what you were doing in Shinjuku
world: Actually
world: You know what
world: This calls for a family discussion
fool: what
fool: WHAT
fool: NO
yasoinaba crew!!!
5:45 PM
yuu: Hey guys
cheese: wow we haven’t used this chat since The Incident
yuki: The Incident. 😂
yuu: There’s a new incident in town
yuu: You could call this the revival
yuu: A rerun of sorts, perhaps
yuu: A remake
yolk: partner what are u saying
yuu: Better graphics
yuu: Anyways
yuu: Akira went to Shinjuku once
ted: And he didn’t take me???? :(
kira: i actually went multiple times
kira: regularly
nao: Excuse me?
rice: HELLO????
nao: Akira, you should not have been visiting the Red-Light District as a minor.
nao: Why?????
kira: i worked at a gay bar
nao: What
kira: dressed up in drag a few times
kira: very freeing
kandi: You know what hell yeah
rice: omg slay!!!
ted: It is very freeing I agree!!
yolk: i still have nightmares about that day sometimes
cheese: wait so
cheese: you worked at a bar as a minor???
kira: yeah i’m technically not supposed to talk about it my boss could get in a lot of trouble
nao: Yes. Because it’s illegal.
kira: i didn’t drink any of the alcohol don’t worry
kira: i’ve heard from yu that that’s more than some of you can say
nao: .
yuki: Oh my!
rice: STAWPPP ITTTT
yuu: Hey now
kira: oh i also helped a fortune teller scam people
yolk: DUDE
kira: i forget about her until she texts me randomly asking if im in danger
yuu: Sometimes Marie does that to me
yuu: She’s not a fortune teller scammer she’s just cryptic
kira: same thing
ted: Next time I go to Tokyo you have to take me to your work!!!
cheese: do not take teddie to a gay bar where people do drag he’ll be crowned
cheese: his ego is big enough as is
kira: you can’t tell me what to do
kira: we can be kings together teddie
kira: queens?
kira: lala will love you
ted: YAYYYYY
kira: i don’t work there anymore now that i don’t need money for metaverse shenanigans
kira: i do visit sometimes though
nao: Please stop telling me and Chie about your various illegal activities.
cheese: woah now don’t speak for me
cheese: i ain’t no snitch
kira: im not a minor anymore it’s fineeeee
yuu: This entire conversation backfired now I just want to do drag again
kandi: Okay I have to ask
kandi: Is Yosuke into that since he’s homophobic and all
yolk: WHAT
yolk: WHAT
yolk: NO
yolk: NO
yolk: NO
yolk: NO
yuu: Yeah how’d you know
yolk: NO
@Alibaba has added @Alibaba to the chat.
Alibaba: okay i have to know what’s up with that
kira: STOP
kira: FUTABA GET OUT OF MY CHATS
Alibaba: i’m gonna open akechi’s dms next i really hope there aren’t nudes in there
kira: WHATT?)2$2$2$2:;’mcdm
rice: IM DEEEAADDD
annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)
5:50 PM
koko: hi guys
koko: akira got taken away from me by dad narukami and now im bored
koko: what’s everyone up to
mina: are aigis and i not enough for you
koko: aigis is next to me and you’re upstairs idgaf
koko: we shared a womb i can stand not spending every second with you 🙄🙄🙄 getting annoying
mina: ???????
fuuk: Well, you probably already know this then but I wanted to share anyway!
fuuk: Aigis and I are setting up a time to video call with Futaba Sakura and talk about our group chat encryptions!
Mitsuru: I thought our encryptions were exceptional.
Aigis: We did as well, until she hacked into the Wildcards group chat to bother her older brother.
stupei: wait who’s futaba again
koko: she’s akira’s little sister she’s cool as hell i love her
Mitsuru: That’s… unsettling. How did she get in?
fuuk: We’re unsure, that’s why we’re gonna talk about it.
fuuk: I don’t think we have anything to worry about in terms of other people doing it, though. Apparently she’s Medjed!
Ryoji: Wow! How’d you take that, Kotone?
koko: IM SO EXCUTED
koko: I NEED TO TALK TO HER BUT I DONT WANNA BE WEIRD
mina: a little late for that
koko: DIEDIEDIEDIE
yukatan: awwww sibling love! 🫶🫶🫶 hashtag family
do you even lift bro: Why did you type out hashtag.
yukatan: comedic effect ??? duh
yukatan: futaba actually just infiltrated the celebrity gc through akechi earlier
yukatan: do we just add her to every chat now atp
stupei: that’s so funny that she just. does that
stupei: i wish i had that ability
babyman child: Oh, that reminds me.
babyman child: Akihiko, Shinjiro, is it alright if Akechi comes over sometime this weekend?
welcome to chilis: You are 19 years old I think we’re past the point of you asking permission for friends to come over
babyman child: But it’s your guys’ house!
do you even lift bro: It’s our house, Ken. As in, all of ours.
koko: yeah it’s our house ken!
do you even lift bro: Not what I meant.
koko: it is now.
koko: let me in.
yukatan: wait can we go back to the fact that akechi is going over to ken’s house
babyman child: Well I haven’t actually asked yet. It’s extremely possible that he says no.
babyman child: But we talked about hanging out in real life soon and he’s said that he doesn’t like going in public a lot.
koko: god what’s up with him is he like a wanted criminal or something
koko: wait shit i guess he is
stupei: WHAT
Mitsuru: How do you know that?
koko: akira tells us Everything he’s a gossip
welcome to chilis: Ken why are you friends with a wanted criminal
babyman child: He’s not actually a wanted criminal!!!!!!
babyman child: Anymore
babyman child: He did go to jail that one time
welcome to chilis: What the fuck
koko: dadjiro back at it again
koko: dadgaki
koko: shinjiro aradaddy
stupei: OJ MY GOD
welcome to chilis: No
do you even lift bro: No.
Mitsuru: Please stop.
koko: why are you all so intent on taking away my creative liberties
welcome to chilis: So far your only creative liberties have been fucking with me
welcome to chilis: First it’s the scrapbook and now this shit
koko: EXCUSE ME for having a MUSE
yukatan: LMAOOOO
do you even lift bro: Why is my husband your muse?
koko: it’s okay akihiko you’re my muse too
do you even lift bro: ?
koko: when polyamorous marriages become legal i’m getting in there
do you even lift bro: What????????
yukatan: girl 😭😭😭😭
stupei: UMMMMM
welcome to chilis: Excuse me
babyman child: Will that make you my mom?
koko: honey i’ve BEEN your mom
babyman child: You’re right.
do you even lift bro: Don’t encourage this.
sherlock
6:38 PM
sherlock: You’re wrong. In addition to Feather Black repeatedly saying before that he thinks of White Swan as a nuisance, he also lets her fall in episode seven of season two.
watson: that’s not fair he only did that because he didn’t see her since the vulture was luring him with that hologram of his mom
sherlock: But isn’t that selfish of him? It was very clearly a hologram, he just wasn’t willing to put his wishes aside for White Swan.
watson: but the whole point of that episode is that he ISNT selfish he’s just misguided
@Alibaba has added @Alibaba to the chat.
Alibaba: okay this is infinitely worse than your nudes
sherlock: What????
watson: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Alibaba: you’re BOTH wrong
sherlock: Enlighten us.
watson: yes futaba please do.
Alibaba: feather black isn’t selfish and doesn’t hate white swan BUT he’s dense as hell and definitely should’ve realized the vulture was luring him at the start
Alibaba: he also should’ve realized feather red was in love with him but alas
watson: oh yeah you’re not wrong there
sherlock: Agreed.
Alibaba: .
Alibaba: yeah feather red should’ve realized feather black was in love with him too
watson: totally
sherlock: A good point.
Alibaba: yeah
Alibaba: maybe they’re both dense
watson: oh yeah definitely
sherlock: That would make sense.
watson: HA YOU RHYMED
Alibaba: holy fuck
Alibaba: atp i WISH you guys were sending each other nudes
watson: WHAT