Chapter Text
Dick Grayson was having an epiphany.
Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic.
But after crying what felt like every single tear in his body, throwing up while Kori cooed worriedly at him and held his hair away from his face and falling unconscious for twelve hours which was then followed with depression cereal (which was a regular bowl of the sugary shit dick usually ate but on steroids cuz he added more packet-sugar in it) , he allowed himself to have thoughts.
And oh boy was his brain churning and chugging along like a train.
He was under supervision with Raven right now, as she simply laid on the sofa with her legs on his lap, a welcome steady weight as he thought out his next steps.
He was not crawling back to Bruce, not after the pure betrayal of snatching away Robin. Bruce said he couldn't be Robin anymore but weeks after handed it off to another kid?! What was the logic!
But more fuckin’ importantly–
Robin , which had never and never would be something Bruce was allowed to give away. Robin was Dicks , was Richard Grayson’s to give and keep.
No one else’s.
So yeah, he couldn't stay with Bruce anymore, needed to cool off and would honestly punch him if he saw the man today. But returning to Gotham sent an uncomfortable chill down his spine, the mere idea of seeing the new kid on the streets instantly blocked off that route of thought.
So no, Gotham wouldn't do him any good.
Going undercover long term seemed plausible but…
He's been finding it hard to put on a suit, any suit. The tower was equipped with stealth black suits and he tried going on patrol with one of them on, but had to return early.
Dick just couldn't be anything if he wasn't Robin. Not yet.
“...I think I want to go away for a bit. To not be monitored every single second.” He whispers, breaking the fragile quiet.
Rachel hums a moment, soft eyes looking at him and god shes so young but such a sweet kid.
“We can arrange that.” She grins and her smile is like the sun and he's the moon because his lips tug up in a mirror to her light.
He announced his plan at dinner and he can already see their reluctance to have him be away from them, especially with how sticky hes been for the last week.
He can see it in Victor and Donna’s frowns, in Kori’s furrowed brows, in Garfield's pause, in Wally's stillness and Roy's hand flexing on his knife.
But Dick can also see their resignation, and it makes him give a small, gentle smile.
Man, he loved his friends.
A thick file was slammed onto the table in front of him, startling Dick from scrolling on his computer. He had been looking for possible options of where to disappear off to and brainstorming a way to get Bruce off his tail.
“Hello?” He bemused as he looked at the pile of paper in front of him as Roy sat down heavily in front of him.
“ That is your ticket out.” Roy gruffly said, eyes avoiding Dicks as the man picked up the file curiously.
“Hm?”
“Uhm. It's. It's a travel guide kind of. In there, theres a large list of favours you can call in if anything happens or if anyone fucks with you. You can disappear Dick, for however long you want, while keeping contact and traveling.”
A lump rose in his throat.
“I don't want to disappear forever.” His voice is hoarse as he flips through lists of names, blackmails, secret codes and locations, etc.
“I know. You love Lady Gotham too much to let her go forever. But, for now, you can heal. You need to get away Dick. I know it hurts you to see us go out on patrol but not being able to muster up the desire to go put on a suit that isn't yours. You can use this time to get your spark back, maybe a new name. And even if you don't, that's okay too. You’ll always be our Rob, our Boy Wonder.”
Dick felt his throat tighten.
“...You really love me huh.”
He teased but his teary eyes gave away his feelings as he held the files with a firmer grip.
“We do Dick. Always will.”
Roy didn't say how he got all those contacts, and Dick didn't ask.
Dick is starting to pack. He keeps taking breaks and it's taking far longer than he wants it to. He has a schedule now, damn it.
Roys having one of his contacts pick him up in Texas (to get there it'll be a road trip with Kori and Donna and Wally!), then, hes gonna hitch a ride across North America, take a trip in Europe and slowly make his way back.
He’s always wanted to check out Romania.
But god, he can't do that when his backpack isn't even packed. He's having a mental block trying to put his tool belt in his big pocket–
“Knock knock.” A voice sings-songs before a familiar mop of red hair appears in his doorway and he smiles.
“What's up?”
“Think I haven't noticed?” Wally chided as he sat on Dicks bed, the Superman covers a contrast with Wally's grey pants. The redhead pats the bed and the ravenette can take a hint.
He sits down.
“Noticed what?”
“Youre so in your head. You're one of the most efficient packers I've ever met. I've seen you plan and pack things for an entire team with different needs for a month-long mission in Antarctica in an hour. You haven't even finished your backpack, never mind your large gym bag. So .”
“So.” Dick echoes, feeling a little naked. Wally was one of the people who knew him best, his best friends and partner in crime since they were little kids. Well, littler kids.
“Wanna tell me what's up?”
“I… don't know how to feel. I know it'll do me good to get away for a bit, get some spark back. But it just feels like…”
It feels like–
“This isn't you surrendering , Dick.” Wally sounded almost offended at where Dicks mind went.
“Then why does it feel like it is?! Like I’m–I don't know, proving him right. That I can't take it and need to run away…” He laughed bitterly. He hated feeling so sour all the time.
“You are not running away Dick. You are taking time off from hero work to work through your feelings about, well, all of this.” Wally said firmly, hand squeezing Dicks shoulder reassuringly.
Because that was really the base of the issue. It felt like surrender, like abandoning the people of Gotham, abandoning the kids that knew to call out his name when there was trouble.
“Batman is fully capable of handling Gotham alone. If it looks like too much, I swear ill step in and help out. The team might not like him much, but they’ll also lend a hand.”
Wally carefully doesn't say that Batman can handle it with his new Robin. Dick knows he would have flown off the handle at the mention of this random kid in his colours-his parents colours–!
Wally's a good friend like that. They all are with the way they tip-toe around the subject and he's glad for the avoidance. Dick cant see himself reacting well to a confrontation of the subject.
“I know it feels like it but it isn't. You’re doing this for you. For you to heal and there's no shame in that. Getting away from hero work will do you some good. But that doesn't mean that you need to stop everything. It's a part of you, always will be.”
And Dick doesn't know what to say to that. He only leans further on Wally.
A couple hours later, he puts his tool belt in his little pocket in his backpack. It fits better there.
They take the road trip a week later. Everyone's screaming song lyrics and screeching about being hungry every two minutes. That's what happens when there's a Tamaranian and a speedster in a car.
Its so loud and his ears are ringing but Donna knocks her shoulder against his as she smiles and Dick thinks that everything might turn out okay in time.