Chapter Text
Fili sat at his brother’s side, his injured arm wrapped in a sling as he watched his brother’s chest rise and fall.
The elf maid Tauriel was sitting on Kili’s other side, and Fili had to admit, she’d done a lot to keep his brother safe. And now she waited for him to recover, sitting silently as they both heard the various conversations happening outside the tent.
Gandalf had stopped by not too long ago, informing Fili that his uncle had woken up, but that he and Bilbo were having ‘important conversations’ and shouldn’t be disturbed for a while.
Fili had an idea of what those conversations involved, and decided he didn’t want to disturb them for quite some time.
“Ah, Fili!” Balin stepped into the tent, drawing Fili and Tauriel’s attention. “How’s your brother doing?”
“Oin says he’s stable,” Fili explained, turning back to him. “The bolt to his side wasn’t infected, though it looks like his shoulder wasn’t so lucky. Still, Oin thinks he’ll make a full recovery.”
Fili had taken two crossbow bolts in the battle, but neither had hit anything vital, so now they were just waiting for him to wake up.
“Are you sure your king will allow me to remain?” the elf maid asked Balin. “I do not wish to cause a problem-“
“Uncle won’t give you grief,” Fili assured her, not looking up. “You told off Thranduil, and saved Kili’s life. That’s all he’ll care about.”
“And what of you?” Balin asked, standing next to Fili’s chair. “I still haven’t heard how you got that injury.”
“An orc mace got my arm,” Fili explained. “Oin said it broke in two places, but it’ll heal.”
“Right. I more meant where you were. One moment you were with us, then Dain was dragging you down from Ravenhill with that injury.”
“…I saw Thorin and Bilbo go after Azog, so I went with.”
“You saw what happened then?”
Fili nodded. “…I saw Bilbo stab Azog. Twice. Once with a dagger he’d hidden in his belt, then again as Azog was about to behead Uncle. I was too far away to reach them that time, but… first Azog stopped, stabbed, then it was like Bilbo appeared out of thin air, his sword already buried in Azog’s stomach.”
Balin thought carefully, tilting his head a bit. “…Now that is a good descriptor…”
Fili frowned at him. “What is?”
“Nothing. I just thought of Bilbo’s battle name is all.”
“What- Battle name? ” he asked, “I thought only dwarves could have one.”
“The same as no outsider may learn Khuzdul, but we may teach it to our sworn brothers, so too a battle name may be given to those who have proven to be dwarves in spirit. I’d say Bilbo has long since earned that honor.”
Fili watched as Balin left the tent, and wondered what exactly Balin was up to.
It didn’t matter.
Thorin and Bilbo were alive. Kili was alive.
Everything else could wait.
Silence.
Oppressive, consuming, wrong. It surrounded him.
Bilbo hung in Azog's grasp, and Thorin- he couldn't- he couldn't do anything damn it all!
Blood dripped from the hobbit's neck as he screamed, Azog grinning down at the both of them.
"Did you promise him safety?" Azog asked, then suddenly Bilbo was in his arms, unclothed as blood poured from the vicious bite on his neck.
They were back in the cave, but there was a different reason Thorin couldn't breathe, beyond just the pain of his broken ribs.
Bilbo's eyes briefly met his, betrayed.
"You have failed," Azog snarled, and his sword came down- falling- Thorin and Bilbo were falling-
Then Azog was gone-
Instead it was him, his teeth dug into Bilbo's neck as the hobbit screamed- but he couldn't push himself off-
No, no no Bilbo!
He wrenched his eyes open, trying to breathe through the terror.
A nightmare.
Nothing more.
There was a hand, shaking where it was clenched in Thorin’s own.
He frowned, noting the ever present darkness of night, and glanced down to see Bilbo shaking on top of Thorin, jolting sporadically.
“Bilbo,” Thorin whispered, not willing to let Bilbo suffer the same nightmares he was plagued with. “Bilbo wake up,” he spoke, even as Bilbo whimpered in his sleep. “Bilbo, you’re safe. It’s over. Wake up. Givashel, please wake up.”
He rested a hand on Bilbo’s uninjured shoulder, trying to shake him awake.
After several moments, Bilbo stilled, breathing heavily, but no longer shaking.
“…Thorin?” he asked, and Thorin shifted his hand, carding it through Bilbo’s hair once more.
“I’m right here.”
Bilbo lifted his head, and Thorin’s heart ached as he saw the tears slipping down Bilbo’s face. “…He’s dead, right? I didn’t… I didn’t dream that?”
“Azog is dead,” Thorin confirmed. “He can never hurt you again.”
Bilbo nodded, sagging a bit. “Good… that’s… that’s good…”
Thorin frowned. It had been nagging at him, but he didn’t know if now was the right time to mention it.
Bilbo saw the look, and sighed. “Go ahead and say it, whatever it is.”
“…When I… threatened you, after Smaug… while engulfed in madness… you mentioned that Smaug knew what Azog had done.”
Bilbo swallowed, looking away. “…Smaug could still smell him,” Bilbo whispered. “He… he called me Azog’s ‘fucktoy’. Said the others would turn on me if they knew.”
“Bilbo-“
“He offered to kill me, Thorin.”
What?
“He offered to let me die, painlessly. And I thought about it. I-“ Bilbo cut off, tears streaming down his face now, even as Thorin reached out and took his hand. “I… I didn’t even want to die when Azog was raping me, I just wanted to escape, but… in that moment? When I was talking to Smaug? I nearly let him kill me. Just so all of this would be over. What does that make me?”
“A survivor,” Thorin insisted, clasping Bilbo’s hand tight. “Bilbo, I wanted to die when Azog had us. When he held you in his grasp, I was trying to goad him into killing us, because death is a favorable fate to what you went through. There is no shame in wanting that pain to end.” He was crying too, and he slowly pushed himself up, till he could hold Bilbo close to him as the hobbit wept. “I am so sorry I was not there for you this past week. I was blinded by gold. I have failed you, and broken every promise I made.”
“No, no, Thorin you had done no such thing,” Bilbo managed. “You- you did everything in your power to save me. Everything you could. I do not blame you for the madness, nor for not being able to kill Azog.”
“I wasn’t able to save you though,” Thorin pointed out. “That was Fili. He had to step in where I failed.”
“You can’t win every fight,” Bilbo pointed out. “You survived Azog. That’s more than anyone else has done before.”
Thorin pulled back a bit, cupping Bilbo’s face and wiping the tears away from him. “I survived him because of you. No other reason. Three times now, you have saved me from Azog’s blade. How can I ever repay you?”
Bilbo smiled wetly, tears glittering in the lamp light. “…Save me from his memory?” Bilbo asked, and Thorin nodded.
“For the rest of my days, if you’ll allow it.”
Bilbo scoffed. “If I’ll allow it, Thorin I’m begging you to let me stay by your side-“
“Done,” Thorin agreed in an instant. “I will not be parted from you. You will have my support, my gratitude, my love, until the day we die.”
Bilbo shook, pulling Thorin that much closer and weeping into his shoulder, even as Thorin gently stroked his back, holding him and whispering gentle words of love into his hair.
He would never leave Bilbo. Never be parted from him.
Never stop protecting him. Especially from himself.