Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Brendol Hux believed himself to be a rational human being. It wasn’t particularly hard to be, all it took was assessing situations and responding to them efficiently and calmly - both of which were mind-numbingly simple tasks in his opinion. However, he found himself to be somewhat of a hypocrite when his music teacher announced cheerfully that the partner he would be working with for the year’s main (crucial, grade-deciding) project would be Benjamin Solo.

He and Ben never interacted, and that was possibly about the only thing keeping him from engaging in physical altercation with the boy directly upon sight. They never talked, hardly even glanced at each other, but they were in about every class together and this was the greatest cause of Hux’s school-related problems. Ben Solo drove him up the goddamn wall. Admittedly, it was not particularly difficult to get on Hux’s nerves, but Ben was the worst. Any mention of the boy’s name could put him immediately into a sour mood. He just didn’t know how to shut up; every day, in every class he would do whatever he wanted. He never obeyed any instructions the teachers gave him, never listened to a word anyone said, and not to mention his infuriating temper tantrums. He seemed to have no fear of anyone’s judgement. Once the teachers inevitably started yelling, he started yelling back. He would throw chairs and kick desks over purely to make a scene, scream his voice raw, then storm from the classroom to the sound of the teacher’s furious threats of whatever came first to their minds.

This project would decide a large portion of their grades for the year, and Hux was overcome with a mixture of white hot rage and ice cold terror at the idea of his being split with a despicable child who would undoubtedly not raise a finger to assist him.
“The project is very simple,” the teacher declared as she resumed to look pointedly at his outraged face, before turning her attention to address the class fully, “You will merely select a song to perform in your pair. Your ability to work together will be assessed, as well as the overall sound of your adaptation of the song. This, of course, means you could simply tap out the tune on the piano while the other sings the lyrics tunelessly, and there is nothing to stop you from doing that - if you don’t mind poor grades. The grades you get are quite simply up to you.”
Getting bad grades for poor performance was one thing - getting bad grades for laziness was entirely another. Hux could not accept either. His hand clutched onto his trouser leg in a white-knuckled fist as the teacher continued to talk.
“Now,” she smiled, “Move next to your partner, and you can spend the remainder of class discussing some ideas. Especially if you have not had the pleasure of them before.” Hux had a feeling that subtle jab was directed at him.

Ben was sat several seats to Hux’s right, meaning (as the chairs were set out in a circular pattern against the computer and keyboard desks on each wall) the boy was nearly across from him. Hux observed him with moderate distaste as he stood, taking in his untucked shirt and poorly-tied dark blue tie, the crooked knot falling below his undone top button. His blazer was left strewn across his chair as he crossed the room, fiddling with his rolled-up sleeves and readjusting the tens of bracelets that instead covered his forearms. Hux glowered disapprovingly at his dishevelled appearance, which broke about every uniform rule the school had. He was even wearing skinny fit black trousers! How on earth did he manage to avoid getting punished by the teachers? But, Hux supposed, Ben was basically a lost cause. He didn’t doubt the idea that the teachers had given up entirely. His frown deepened, directed straight at the approaching boy. Ben noticed the not-so-subtle display of disdain, but was either unsurprised or uncaring. He merely sat down in the recently-deserted chair to Hux’s and stared silently at the floor. Not interested in the slightest in small-talk, Hux got straight to business. “What instruments can you play?”
Ben sighed. “Guitar,” he muttered, “Bass, drums - kind of, and, uh..piano.”
The last item of the list caught Hux somewhat off-guard, not to mention the length of the list itself. Ben seemed to be the type to love chaos and noise, who had been teaching himself the drums since age six but still could not keep a tune. He certainly didn't seem like the piano type.

Nodding somewhat belatedly, Hux continued. “Alright, that's a good basis. I attended guitar lessons in middle school, so that's my strongest point, I suppose. And violin, but that's not particularly helpful.” The last statement was almost intended to be humorous, but Ben did not laugh. Hux’s bitterness increased somewhat, but before an argument could start the teacher drifted over again.
“How about you two exchange telephone numbers?” she suggested, smiling sweetly in an attempt to calm the tension between them, “I don't doubt this project will involve significant amounts of time spent at each other’s houses - if that is not inconvenient for either of you.”
Hux doubted strongly that his father would be able to tolerate Ben for even a second. No matter how much he hated the boy, he was unwilling to expose him to that.
At Hux’s silence, Ben spoke up.
“My parents probably won't mind…”
The teacher smiled proudly. “Perfect! I suggest exchanging numbers, and arranging time to work at the earliest convenience.”
Clearly still under her scrutiny, Ben pulled his phone from his trouser pocket. Hux raised an eyebrow at the design of his case - four skulls accessorised oddly, and some sort of logo at the bottom. A reference he did not understand. He pulled his own phone from his back pocket, protected by a sensible blue armour case, and opened his contacts. He selected ‘New Contact’ and typed in “Benjamin Solo”, waiting for the boy to begin listing numbers.

Hux typed each in as he did, then saved them. He pressed ‘Call’ as soon as the contact popped up, and observed silently as Ben rejected the call and saved the number under “Brendol Hux”. He was somewhat surprised the boy managed to spell his name right.
“Hey, uh..” Ben spoke up suddenly as he saved the contact, “Could you, uh, save my number under ‘Kylo’?”
Hux raised an eyebrow. “Why would you want me to save your number under any name other than your own?”
“It is my name,” Ben said, sounding irritated,“It’s just..fuck, I don’t know. It’s just what I prefer to go by, okay? Kylo Ren.”
“Why?”
Ben openly groaned this time. Hux enjoyed pushing his buttons, but hoped he wouldn’t throw a tantrum. “I don’t like my name. The one my parents gave me; I hate it. Kylo Ren is easier.”
Deciding against mocking him further, Brendol nodded.
“Alright,” he said simply, opening his contacts list against and editing Ben’s to “Kylo Ren”. The boy seemed almost surprised at his compliance, but pleased by it. He thanked Hux softly, with the voice of someone who wasn’t used to being listened to.

The bell rang suddenly, and the rest of the class began grabbing their things to go to lunch. Ben - or ‘Kylo’, Hux thought, crossed the room and yanked his blazer on, picking up his black backpack from the floor and slinging it over one shoulder.
“I’ll text you,” he said shortly, turning on the heel of his ratty, all-black Converse and leaving the classroom before Hux could reply. He watched the boy disappear with a somewhat irritated sigh, before trailing out of the music department and across the school to the cafeteria. Phasma was already waiting in the line for him, and waved at him with a grin to catch his attention. He walked over thankfully, glad he could skip a large portion of the line, and sighed dramatically at her. Her grin widened.
“Ben Solo, huh?”
The evil glint in her eyes was infuriating.
“How on earth did you find out so quick?”
“Half the damn cafeteria’s talking about it. They’re placing bets on how long you’ll last before they find his body in a landfill twenty miles from here.”

Ben was, quite obviously, widely hated. He was an easy target for the wrath of teenagers - skinny and awkward and secretive, with messy black hair everyone knew he dyed and the fact that his favourite band was probably My Chemical Romance. The school was mostly indifferent to him, as they were everyone else, until Snoke set his sights on the boy. Snoke was the hulking rugby player that struck terror into the hearts of even the teachers, unforgiving and cruel in his judgement of who was worthy to be in his presence and who had to suffer daily under his wrath. Ben was the most unfortunate. Of course, the school followed in Snoke’s example - most of them out of fear, the rest out of the joy of having someone so widely hated they could do whatever they wanted to them and be cheered on for it. Hux didn’t agree with any of that, he despised the hierarchy of high school, but also had his personal reasons to despise the boy. Though he had to admit, no matter what, he doubted he’d ever risk standing up for Kylo. Literal suicide would probably have less negative repercussions.

“He’s not actually that bad, y’know,” Phasma said, taking a few steps forward to catch up with the line.
“I still hate him.”
Phasma sighed. “Imagine how shitty he feels, dude. The entire goddamn school’s against him; that’s got to take a serious toll on him mentally.”
“I’m not going to pretend to like him just because he’s depressed. Surely that would be worse, when he inevitably discovered our relationship was built on false pretenses?”
“Well, maybe by the time this project’s over you won’t have to pretend.”
Hux strongly doubted that.

Chapter Text

Hux was halfway through a large bite of lettuce when the cafeteria was suddenly hushed into near-silence. Swallowing as he turned, he was somewhat unsurprised to see Kylo as the cause, walking calmly but vaguely threateningly into the throng of people as if he wasn’t being stared at by at least eighty people. He was accompanied by the only person Hux had ever seen him have any positive interaction with - a short brunette girl he did not know the name of. She walked with a legitimate confidence Kylo lacked, face set into a glare to put off anyone who may have dared make eye contact with her, and disappeared into the crowd with him.

Interest was lost in the pair as they vanished from sight, and the students returned to their food. Hux rolled his eyes. “All they did was walk into a room. Since when is that worth the rapt attention of half the cafeteria?”
Phasma shrugged, swallowing the mouthful of her pasta. “Anyway,” she said, falling back into the easy flow of conversation between them, “What’s the project?”
“We have to select a song and perform it,” Hux explained shortly. Phasma snorted a laugh.
“Have fun trying to pick out a breakdown on your shitty acoustic guitar,” she laughed, fully aware of his struggles with music. “How the hell are you two going to find a song you can agree on?”
Hux sighed, “God knows.”
Phasma had barely formed the first word of her next sentence when she was interrupted by a piercing shriek from somewhere within the crowd of people near the counter. A clearing quickly appeared, and from where Hux and Phasma were sitting they could see nothing but a boy sprawled out on the floor. Ratty black Converse - Kylo. The girl that had been with him was stood squaring up to a large, guffawing jock type a little way away. No one moved to help Ben up. Most of them were laughing.
“What the fuck?!” the girl shrieked, delivering a sharp shove to the guy’s chest. He was thrown backwards but managed to keep his balance by his friends clutching at his shirt to keep him upright. Looking shocked, he regained composure and stormed back over to the girl. He towered nearly a foot above her, but she looked up at him with nothing but fearless rage. Shoving him again, she was suddenly pulled back by an enraged teacher.
“What on earth is going on here? Rey! What is the meaning of this shocking display of violence?”
The girl - Rey, apparently - turned to the teacher, looking desperate. “This piece of--this..this guy shoved Ben,” she explained, scrambling for words, “He-he spilt food all over him! Just look!”
The people previously surrounded Kylo moved away from the teacher’s gaze, revealing to Hux and Phasma that he was indeed sat on the floor covered in an array of messy food items, face burning in what was either rage or embarrassment.
Sighing, the teacher turned to the still nameless boy. “Be more careful,” she instructed simply, and Rey looked enraged.
“It wasn’t an accident! He was laughing!!”
“I highly doubt that, Rey. You seem to have an affinity for making up stories, don’t you? Take Benjamin and get him cleaned up. I will write you a permit for being somewhat late to your next lesson.”
Rey was still breathing heavily, glaring daggers into the teacher and the boy smirking behind her. Accepting defeat, she took Kylo’s hand to help him up and walked him out of the cafeteria, hand linked firmly in her own even after they left the double doors and turned sharply down the hall.

Conversation struck up again quickly, most of it revolving around the ‘hilarious’ look of shame on Ben’s face. Hux was possibly bothered more by that than he should have been, uncomfortably returning to his meal. Glancing up, he realized that Phasma was staring at him with her eyebrow quirked, as if she had just proved a point.
“What?” Hux sighed, exasperated, “Was I meant to leap to his defense like some sort of knight in shining armour?”
“I want you to look me dead in the eyes and tell me that watching that didn’t affect you at all.”
“I’m not heartless,” Hux stated flatly.
“Well it sure sounds like it!”
“Look, I’m hardly going to beat him up or publicly embarrass him. I just have no interest in being his friend.”
Phasma shook her head, sighing. She shoved another piece of pasta into her mouth and let the conversation disappear.

--

Hux was halfway to the school gates after the bell had released him from the final lesson when Kylo approached him. His clothes were still filthy, but in muted, bleeding colours that told of much time spent in the bathroom scrubbing desperately at them to very little success. He had something sticky matted into his long hair, too, and Hux felt the need to apologize despite having nothing at all to do with the attack. Instead, he settled on attempting to start a conversation.
“Your parents aren’t going to like your ruined uniform, I suspect,” he said, though it came out like more a deadpan observation than anything kind.
Ben laughed bitterly, smiling hollowly at the floor. “Reckon they’re about as used to it as I am.”
It felt to Hux like a weak punch in the gut. He was unsure how to respond, but Kylo let it hang in the air then merely acted as if it had never been said.
“I’ll text you tonight,” he said, veering suddenly from the path towards a threatening-looking black car, “If my dad hasn’t killed me by then.”
The last statement was clearly intended to be humorous, but Hux could not bring himself to laugh when staring into the legitimately murderous eyes of the man he assumed to be Kylo’s father. The man glared dangerously at him, turning his attention to flatly greet his son once he entered the vehicle. They sped away near immediately, but not before Kylo managed to give him an awkward wave.

Hux waved back belatedly, then continued his silent walk home with a sigh.

--

“Ben,” Han started, and the teenagers was already tired of the conversation, “What the hell happened to your uniform?”
“Nothing,” Kylo replied flatly, untangling his earphones and shoving them into his ears. Scrolling briefly through the songs listed on his phone. His earphones were ripped out before he could select any.
“I’m serious, Ben,” his father said sternly, ignoring Ben’s furious glare, “If you’re being bullied, you know me and your mother need to know about it.”
“It’s not like you give a shit,” he muttered. Han sighed.
“Of course we care, Ben! Christ…” he attempted to compose himself before he began to yell, “It’s just hard to understand you sometimes. We’re doing our best.”
A million possible comebacks, each scathing and bitter, ran through Ben’s head, though he decided silence would do just fine at the risk of losing his phone.
“Can I put my headphones back in again, or are you going to try and break them again?” he asked sarcastically.
“Fine.”
Forcing the buds back into his ears, Kylo opened the music app again and selected something at random. LeATHERMOUTH; perfect.

He remained absorbed in the music for the rest of the journey, until he saw the car draw closer to the familiar front wall of the Solo house. Jumping out of the vehicle, he rushed upstairs before his mother could intercept him and slammed the door to his room. Finally. He felt immediately comforted by the dark red walls, his many posters staring down at him from their thrones of blue-tack. Kylo yanked off his tie without undoing it, undoing his shirt enough to pull it over his head and toeing his shoes off. There was a random tee shirt laying crumpled on the chair next to his desk and he pulled it on without looking at it; he knew from the feel of the fabric that it was an old MCR one. Finally changing into a pair of random black skinny jeans, he bunched up his wrecked uniform and brought it downstairs to be inspected by his displeased mother.

Leia was just starting to cook tea when Ben walked in, holding a bundle of laundry. She smiled sadly at him and took the soiled clothing, laying it out onto the table to inspect.
“Your father told me what happened.”
Kylo didn’t reply.
“Are you being bullied again?”
He still remained silent.
“Ben--”
“It’s Kylo.”
“For the love of God, what am I doing wrong?!” Leia suddenly yelled, as if all of her hidden anguish held over her son came bursting out at once. It was not directed at him, none of her anger ever was, but he drew back with guilt nonetheless. She felt her heart drop.
“Sweetheart,” she tried to soothe, but knew it was no use.
“I’m sorry,” he said, cursing loudly when his voice cracked and pathetic tears began to gather in his eyes. He turned and fled upstairs before Leia had a chance to wrap her arms around him. She was left stood guiltily alone in the kitchen, wondering what her son ever did to deserve to hurt as he did.

Chapter Text

The next day, Kylo was not present when Hux sat down in his assigned seat in the front right of their English classroom.  He was likely just running late, or could not attend school due to his lack of a uniform, but Hux’s mind predictably wandered to the worst-case scenario.  ‘I’ll text you tonight, if my dad hasn’t killed me by then.’  Kylo hadn’t texted.  Hux had considered sending him a message fairly late at night, but decided that if the boy was indeed in deep trouble it probably wouldn’t be wise to provoke him to get himself into even more.  He’d settled for absent-minded wondering, trying not to delve too deeply into an analysis of the look in Ben’s father’s eyes or the shaky, awkward wave. The clock ticked past 9:30; the teacher began the lesson and Hux tried not to glance back at Kylo’s empty desk.

It was not until second period that Hux said a word to anybody.  He arrived early, before even the teacher and moved between the lazily-moving teenagers to sit at the two-person desk at the back of the classroom he and Phasma had claimed as their own.  She arrived as he was pulling his exercise book from his leather messenger satchel, sitting down next to him with a smile.  

“Kylo’s not in today,” he said in lieu of a greeting, knowing she was now invested in the boy whether or not he liked it.  She furrowed her brow.

“Kylo?”

Hux realized that Phasma had no idea what he was talking about.  “Oh, uh, Ben, I mean.”

She made a noise of realization, deciding not to question the ‘Kylo’ thing.  “Do you think it’s because of what happened at lunch? I didn’t see him for the rest of the day after that.”

Hux shrugged noncommittally, writing the date in the top corner of his page in his usual basic handwriting.  “I saw him after school.  He gave me his number during music, and approached me to promise he would message me,” he informed Phasma, “He never did.”

“Well, why didn’t you text him?”

“Because I don’t imagine his parents were particularly pleased with his uniform - it was still completely ruined when I saw him.  Surely a text - especially if his phone was confiscated - would not at all improve the situation.”

Phasma’s lips, painted a businesswoman-like shade of pink, curled into a smug smirk Hux was far too familiar with.  “You were just too awkward to start a conversation.”

The boy attempted to suppress the colour rising to his pale cheeks, spluttering in shocked outrage.  “I-I--of course I wasn’t! I just...I--anyway! Why would I care what Ben Solo thinks of me? I couldn’t care less about him!” Hux became aware of the volume of his words attracting attention, much to Phasma’s amusement, and switched to a normal speaking tone.  “We only need to talk about the project, which isn’t due for performance for another four weeks.  There is no need for me to rush into any sort of unnecessary contact with him.”

Phasma rolled her eyes as the teacher entered the classroom, late as usual.  “Whatever you say, Bren,” she smiled smugly, turning her attention to her page.  Hux glowered at her.  She had far too much faith in herself.

--

Kylo didn't know what time it was.  He didn't think he wanted to, his face pressed into his still slightly damp pillow as if if he stayed there long enough the black cotton would accept him within it and he would never have to face the light of day again.

His father had left for work apparently, as made clear by the lack of voices downstairs and the muffled sound of the odd swing music his mother adored but Han loathed.  He tried not to feel somewhat hurt by his father’s lack of concern.  Leia had called into work to explain that she had to stay home with her son to ‘ensure his safety’, as she often had before, but Han had merely gone off to work without a word.  Sure, Ben threw fits about them being “overprotective”, but it still hurt when their concern was not there.  He was pushing away that which he desired more than anything, assuring himself he despised it, though he was unhappy whether it was there or not.

A light knock on his bedroom door pulled him from his thoughts.  It was his mother’s third attempt to prompt him to emerge from his room since he had woken up, though he didn’t doubt she had tried before that - she could only guess in terms of timing when there was a locked door between them.

“Kylo?” she said softly, voice slow and even.  Over the years, Leia had learnt where to tread when her son was in a fragile state of mind - she knew everything from what speech patterns to use to the very intonation to put into each word.  And she knew when to indulge him in the cold, metal persona he had created at a terrifyingly young age to guard himself from that which he could not deal with himself - Kylo Ren.  Kylo Ren, who did not cry when the bigger children in the schoolyard pushed him down; Kylo Ren, who did not run desperately into his mother’s arms when it all became overwhelming; who did not still sleep with the light on though he was now closer to twenty than ten out of crippling fear of his nightmares; who did not carve red into his skin to make it all seem okay.  Sometimes, it was easier for him to pretend.

“Sweetheart,” Leia tried again, and she knew pet names were dangerous.  They were depersonalizing and patronising, meaningless if she could not get the word out right, but repetition was worse and nothing could ever possess her to say ‘Ben’.

The teenager felt like Ben in that moment, pathetic and hurt and oh so painfully human, though it was all backwards.  Kylo was pathetic.  Kylo was who it was easier to be when he felt like this, because Kylo had no one to disappoint; no name to tarnish, and no tearful mother stood outside his bedroom door.  Ben would have been the boy on the other side comforting her, though if he were Ben she would have to reason to cry in the first place.  He wished he could be Ben.

Kylo rose from his bed slowly.  He had barely managed to tear his skinny jeans off before exhaustion claimed him; his tee shirt was crumpled and his forgotten bracelets had dug painfully into his skin over the night.  He wouldn’t have dared to remove them anyway.  His hands shook somewhat as he reached to unlock the door with a sharp click, and he could practically feel his mother startle.  She made no move to open it from the other side, merely shuffling backwards and awaiting what may be a long process.  Kylo cracked the door open and peered out at her, hair tangled and eyes bloodshot either from exhaustion or tears.  Leia smiled.

“Would you like something to eat?”

She didn’t say breakfast - that would insinuate that she expected him to eat something of a certain type.  It was difficult to get her son to eat at all during his ruts, so she was willing to graciously make whatever he desired - no matter how ridiculous it may be.

The boy nodded slowly and slipped out of the safe darkness of his room.  He stood before his mother looking dishevelled and half-dead, only barely aware that he was in nothing more than his underwear and an old, loose shirt.  Leia smiled lovingly at him nonetheless.  It was times like these that just made her terrifyingly glad he was alive .  She took his hand slowly into hers in an attempt to soothe his dissociative state, leading him at his own pace downstairs to the kitchen - she had busied herself that morning with ensuring the entire house was maintained at a mild temperature.  Anything was capable of triggering something when Kylo was down, especially feeling uncomfortable in his own sweating or prickling skin.

They entered the kitchen and Leia propped the door open, though she was shocked to see when she turned around that Kylo had settled himself at the small table of his own will.  She grinned at him like she’d just watched him run a marathon.  Progress.  They were making progress.

Chapter Text

By the time the bell finally rang for lunch, Hux felt like he had been at school for half an eternity, yet had somehow hardly experienced it.  He collected his notebook and pencil case and slotted them each into their proper place in his satchel, before rising to follow his eager classmates towards the cafeteria on the ground floor.  He had given up on any efforts to move quickly to the cafeteria within his first few weeks at the school, realising that more often than not they ended in wasted energy and minor disappointment.  Phasma was waiting by the rubbish bins beside the door anyway, and queuing wasn't quite so bad when you had someone to complain with.

Hux passed her without pausing, though she easily fell into stride with him nonetheless.  They joined the end of the queue for warm meals rather than the quicker (albeit less appetising) option of cheaply-made bagged paninis or pots of soggy pasta, immediately shoved into close quarters with a plethora of students of varying ages.  Hux tried not to sneer at the moist, heavy air of proximity.

“Honestly,” sighed Phasma somewhat irritably, as was her primary way of starting conversations, “Why don't we just buy food from the supermarket on the way to school, rather than suffering through this travesty every day?”

Hux huffed what could perhaps be considered a laugh.  “Because I, for one, do not fancy spending the earth for a pack of day-old sandwiches when I can get a meal for half that at school.”

“This rubbish can hardly be considered a meal.”

“Maybe you should be grateful for what you've got. ”

It took both Hux and Phasma a moment to realise that the muttered reprimand was directed at them.  When they did, they spun to face the girl behind them and were moderately shocked to see Kylo’s (friend? Girlfriend? Sister? Whatever - Rey ) stood looking at them with a quirked eyebrow.

“You,” Hux said dumbly, “You’re Kylo’s friend.  Aren't you?”

“What?”

It was Rey’s turn to look shocked, clearly taken aback by Hux’s use of what was likely a private nickname.  She quickly shook it off.

“Why d’you care?”

“I--”

“He seems to be absent today,” Phasma cut in, words far more careful and tone more pleasant than Hux’s ever would be.  “We're concerned, especially as he failed to contact Brendol here last night.  Do you know if he's alright?”

“Your name’s Brendol ? The hell kind of name is Brendol?” Rey sneered, both dodging the question and hoping to get a rise out of the uptight boy.

“Just answer the question,” Hux snapped, already fully aware of the apparent ugliness of his name.

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” Rey replied bitterly, “Especially since I’ve never even heard of you before, how do I know you’re not just trying to find a weakness to stab at?”

“Jesus Christ, we just want to know if he’s okay! We’re trying to be fucking nice .”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Brendol ,” the girl said mockingly, before turning and leaving the cafeteria without even getting anything to eat.

“What was her problem?” Hux sneered, turning bitterly to face forwards in the line again.  Phasma shrugged dismissively.

“It doesn’t seem strange she would be protective.  Especially if someone she’s never seen before is trying to get into Ben’s business.”

“What has she done to hold the position as the gatekeeper of Ben’s life?”

A sharp laugh met Hux’s ears and he turned to Phasma in mild shock.  She was smirking somewhat.  “If I didn’t know you any better, I would assume that statement insinuated you desire the position belonged to you.”

“Well,” Hux huffed, “It’s a good thing you know me better, then, isn’t it?”

--

After leaving the cafeteria, Rey turned and walked briskly to the toilets across the school.  The ones near the cafeteria were well-kept and constantly crowded, the largest in the entire school, so the others were her best bet if she desired any semblance of privacy.  And with people constantly sniffing around for gossip (especially any involving Ben), that was going to be necessary.

There was a bag abandoned beside the sinks when she entered, and one of the three stalls was locked, but Rey simply entered the farthest one and locked it quietly.  She hung her bag up on the hook on the door and pulled her knees to her chest after settling on the closed toilet.  Yanking her phone from her blazer pocket, she opened her list of contacts and scrolled down until she saw Leia.

‘How’s Ben?’ she typed, having already called Leia to check if everything was okay that morning.  Leia had informed her that Ben had yet to leave his room, though she was unsure if he was still asleep or ignoring her.  The third option in the list hung heavy and unspoken.  Rey had suggested that Leia use the spare key to Ben’s room just to check on him, but Leia had refused to impede on her son’s privacy.  She trusted him, and she was faithful that he would not do anything drastic.  Rey hadn’t been able to relax since.

Leia replied quickly, though the three dancing dots on the screen gave Rey no peace of mind.  Not until they turned into words that would confirm her cousin’s safety.

‘Dissociative.  He’s trying to eat, but mostly he’s just pushing the food around his plate.  He hasn’t spoken, but I think he’s aware at least subconsciously that he is awake and in reality.’

That news was good, mostly.  At least he wasn’t freaking out if he was dissociating, but Leia did not say exactly what Rey wanted to hear.

‘Has he hurt himself?’

The seconds that passed in which Leia was typing weighed heavily on Rey’s shoulders.

‘There are scratches from his fingernails up his arms, but nothing more that I can see.’

Suddenly, Rey could breathe again.  Ben often clawed at his arms when he was anxious or upset (or, phrased more directly, he wanted to hurt himself) and the most recent marks had been from when Rey was trying to clean him up in the unused disabled toilets.  While the fact that Ben had yet to harm himself was good news, it also meant that it was only a matter of time until he did .  Rey merely hoped the gifted time would be enough to prevent it, perhaps giving Ben the chance to heal from the psychological wounds and realize they were not enough for him to forge physical wounds over.

‘I’ve got to go now, I’ll keep Ben under constant supervision.  He’ll be alright soon; it’s nothing new.  Try and stop worrying, sweetheart.  Get something to eat.’

Sometimes, Rey was convinced Leia had some sort of weird omniscient powers.  

She put her phone back into an inner pocket of her blazer and grabbed her bag, making her way out into the hallway and running almost directly into another student.

“Oh, Christ! Sorry, I--” she cut herself off suddenly, realizing exactly who it was she bumped into, “Finn!”

The boy’s face lit up in a similar glee, lips splitting into a wide grin.  “Hey, I was looking for you! Poe’s waiting for us outside, you wanna come eat lunch with us?”

Rey laughed at the boy’s eagerness and nodded, “I don’t actually have any, but I’d love to.”

Finn grabbed her hand and began pulling her outside to meet Poe.  “Good, Poe’s mum made way too much - we can all share!”

Poe was waiting outside the doors for them, leaning against the brick wall of the maths department.  He smiled when he saw them, though it split into a small grin when he saw their entwined hands that neither of them had seemed to notice.  He lead the way as they turned the corner to the alcove between the gym and the maths block, arranged with flower pots and benches for the few students who decided to eat outside.  Most of the students who didn’t eat in the cafeteria instead chose to eat in classrooms or in generally more populated areas, so the area was deserted when they settled on their usual circular bench in the corner.  Poe began to pull food from his bag, leaving the bags of snacks open for Rey and Finn to help themselves to.  Both did so liberally.

“Where’s Ben?” Finn asked Rey casually through a mouthful of crisps, though his face changed to concern when Rey immediately looked saddened.  He wasn’t at all fond of the boy, but he definitely knew him and was close enough to Rey to be concerned for him.  Poe, who was a close family friend of Leia and Ben, leaned forwards in panic.

“Didn’t you hear about what happened yesterday in the cafeteria?” Rey asked, genuinely surprised neither of them appeared to know.

“We were outside all lunch,” Poe explained, natural protectiveness consuming him, “Did someone do something?”

Rey nodded somberly.  “I don’t know who it was, some asshole pushed him over.  Threw food all over him and everyone was laughing.  I honestly thought I was gonna kill him.”

“But why isn’t Ben in today?”

“If there’s one thing he can’t deal with at all, it’s embarrassment.  Especially not publicly.  I’ve never seen him look so mortified, he was crying in the bathroom all afternoon.  I was trying to calm him down but he just couldn’t be helped, I think he’s dealing with the aftermath today.  Leia said he was almost totally dissociating.”

Finn looked horrified and Poe shook his head in disbelief.  “This is so fucked up.  What’s Ben ever done to deserve this?”

Rey rested her head on his shoulder in a tired act of agreement.  If only their anger was worth anything at all

Chapter Text

Two days passed before Hux saw Kylo again, though he was unsure if the extended absence was merely them not crossing paths.  He didn’t care enough to ask.  

He was sat beside Phasma in the library at lunch with a dog-eared copy of Brave New World open on the table before him when the boy decided to make an appearance.  Phasma herself was completing a theory page for her PE class last lesson, scribbling ideas rapidly across the dotted lines in handwriting somehow messier than usual, and had been sat in silence for the past half an hour.  However, she promptly looked up the moment Kylo walked through the door as if she had somehow sensed his presence.  He paused in the threshold and scanned the tables until his eyes landed on them and his confidence seemed to waver.  Phasma smiled sweetly at him and beckoned him over when it was clear he intended to come.

He followed her gesture and walked to stand nervously beside the table, left hand fiddling with the braided string emerging from his sleeve from an ill-fitting bracelet.  When it became clear he had no intention of speaking until he was prompted to, Phasma took the liberty Hux was unwilling to.  He tried to refrain from returning to his book.

“Hello,” she said kindly, “It’s Ben, right? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Phasma held out her hand for a handshake and Kylo did so as if one wrong move would have him killed.

“It’s, uh, it’s Kylo,” he explained awkwardly, tongue tripping over the words in an uncharacteristic way, “You’re..Gwendoline, though, right?”

“Just Gwen is fine, though I must say I prefer Phasma.  It’s nice to meet you, Kylo.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Phasma.”

Kylo then turned his attention on Hux, who had forgotten he was probably supposed to be paying attention.

“What is it?”

His terseness sent Kylo into another wave of stammering and Hux was positive the boy was nowhere near as nervous as this in their previous conversations.  Perhaps the incident in the cafeteria had taken him down a few notches, unless there was another event Hux had yet to be informed about.

“We, uh..we need to start working on the project.  The..the music thing.  And I was just, y’know, wondering if you wanted to come ‘round after school so we can, uh, brainstorm? Or whatever?”

Hux was prepared to decline, before he considered the fact that they actually did need to start work on the project.  He had just assumed Kylo would have procrastinated longer.  Phasma was staring expectantly at him, gaze condescending and stern, and Hux nodded reluctantly.

“Alright, I suppose.”

“Sweet,” Kylo nodded, the hand still messing with his bracelet seemingly growing more fumbling and desperate as his nerves took over and his voice sped up, “I, uh, I’ll meet you on the corner outside school? Where we talked last time?”

“That should be fine.”

Kylo nodded once more, before turning and walking briskly through the library and out of the doors.

“I swear to God, if you’re an arsehole to that boy, I’m going to murder you.”

Hux rolled his eyes, opening his book once again at the page he had kept marked with his finger.  “Would I ever?” he asked sarcastically, before conversation drifted away once more.

--

Hux arrived promptly at the corner he and Kylo had agreed to meet at, and was somewhat surprised to find the boy already there.  He certainly didn’t seem the punctual type.  

“Hello,” Hux greeted when he was at a moderate enough distance to do so, and Kylo nodded to him.

“Hey,” he said back, turning to look up the road at the cars driving around to collect the few students who did not take a bus or walk home, “My mum’s coming to pick us up.  Didn’t want to force you into a confined space with my father.”

Hux huffed something that could perhaps be considered a laugh.  He could certainly relate to that.

“Are they aware that I am accompanying you?”

“I texted my mum at lunch, yeah.  She won’t be long.”

Almost as soon as Kylo said that, his eyes lit up in recognition as another car turned the corner.  The car was smaller than Kylo’s father’s, Hux noted, though he realized as it neared it was also an utter piece of rubbish.  A practically ancient model, likely held together by a patchwork of old and new parts trying desperately to keep it going.  It was also, however, tremendously well cared for.  The paint job was new and there was not a single speck of dust across the entire vehicle.  Obviously, someone loved this car perhaps a bit too much.  

The car pulled up beside them on the path and Kylo clambered into the backseat, shuffling over to the other side so Hux could follow him.  The passenger seat was piled high with shopping, the boy noticed, and the woman in the driver’s seat had a light scarf wrapped loosely around her head that shielded her almost entirely from Hux’s view.

“How come you’re driving dad’s car?” Kylo asked his mother, and Hux was taken aback that this piece of rubbish could possibly belong to the man he had seen pick Kylo up at the beginning of the week.

“He took mine to work,” Kylo’s mother replied lightly, turning out of the road leading to the school and beginning the drive through the town to wherever the Solo family lived.

“He calls in the Falcon ,” Kylo said to Hux, “How lame is that?”

After roughly fifteen minutes, the car pulled up to a house considerably smaller than Hux’s own, though seemingly large enough to house a family of three without too many issues with space.  Kylo’s mother waited for the boys to scramble out before locking the car door and unlocking the house, leaving the door wide open for them as she disappeared into the hallway.  Almost as soon as she disappeared, a large golden dog burst through the doorway and tore across the drive to where Kylo and Hux were stood.  Hux flinched back immediately, prepared to flee if the dog targeted him, but Kylo immediately dropped to his knees and caught the dog as it collided with him, somehow managing to keep his balance.  

“Hey, Threepio!” he grinned widely, rubbing the dog’s head lovingly as it sniffed at his face.  Kylo turned to Hux once Threepio was seemingly sufficiently calm.

“You’re cool with dogs, right?” he asked, to which Hux could only somewhat hesitantly nod.  Kylo smiled.

“Don’t worry, Threepio’s alright.  He’s just excited; he’s pretty old and mostly just sleeps, to be honest.  He was my grandpa’s.”

Kylo stood and took Threepio gently by the collar, leading him to the front door and letting go as the great dog took off stumbling down the hall.  He gestured for Hux to enter, then lead him to the front room after shutting the front door.

Hux was unsure what exactly he was expecting of Kylo’s mother, but it definitely wasn’t the woman stood in front of him.  She had shed her headscarf and stood in a plain blue dress underneath a loose-fitting brown cardigan, greying brown hair tied in an intricate bun at the back of her head.  The only word Hux could think of to describe her was mother .  She was warm and beautiful in her own right, sending out an aura of safety and reassurance.  The aura was somewhat less effective, however, when her glare was trained on the young man stood before her.

“You’re Brendol?”

“Yes, though just Hux is fine.  It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Solo,” Hux smiled politely, hoping to at least make a good first impression.  Kylo’s mother looked unimpressed.

“ Organa -Solo,” she corrected somewhat tersely.  Hux was surprised by the fact he had been getting Kylo’s name wrong this whole time.  Although, it didn’t matter seeing as he didn’t even go by it.  

“Mum,” Kylo whispered, giving her a pointed look.  She looked undeterred, but relented somewhat.

“My name is Leia,” she said simply.  “You two are going to be working on a music project?”

“Yeah,” Kylo replied before Hux could, “We just need to practice a song to perform.  It’s easy.”

“Alright, sure, just call if you need any help.  Dinner will be ready in a few hours.”

Hux followed Kylo upstairs after he shut the door to the living room, and entered the bedroom to the left of the landing that he was gestured into.  Kylo left the door open slightly after them, though Hux was too distracted taking in the utter chaos that was the younger boy’s bedroom to address him.  It was fairly large, seemingly the biggest of the house, with the walls painted dark red and covered nearly floor-to-ceiling in posters.  Some were canvases or framed prints hung in places of pride, but most were magazine cutouts or simple posters blu-tacked up to fill the gaps.  Kylo’s double bed was tucked into an alcove in the wall in the corner diagonal from the door, with a large window (pane painted black) meeting the lower half.  There was an old upright piano opposite the door with something seemingly charred and ugly sat proudly atop it, and a large black floor-to-ceiling square shelving unit taking up the wall opposite the window.  Two guitars - one acoustic (matte black) and one electric (white, covered entirely in brightly-coloured stickers) - were hung on the wall beside the piano.

“Sorry it’s a mess,” Kylo said, not sounding all that sorry as he leant down to pick up several discarded tee-shirts from the floor, throwing them surprisingly accurately into his open closet without looking, “You can sit on the bed.”

Hux did so, making his way somewhat warily over the random items scattered across the ground and sitting gingerly on the edge of Kylo’s bed.  The covers were worn and unexpectedly soft, harsh black fading to a tired grey in some areas, and the mattress sunk deeply under his weight.  A family on a budget.  Hux thought of his own silk sheets and spotless room and tried not to allow his lips to curl into a grimace.  He allowed his eyes instead to wander the shelving unit now opposite him, chock full of CDs and memorabilia.  A record player sat proudly in the centre, in the largest square, and a CD player piled with Kylo’s most recent albums a few squares upwards.   Sempiternal .   Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge .   Folie a Deux .  Hux did not recognise any of the titles.  Closest to Hux was an old photograph (one of the very few in the room) in an expensive-looking frame displaying a young man with long, sandy-brown curls grinning broadly into the camera, an older man with pale red hair somewhat similar to Hux’s own and a neat beard smiling dazzlingly beside him.  They had their arms around each other and looked as if they were the type of people who could live forever off of their own purity and joy.

“That’s my grandfather,” Kylo said quietly, suddenly beside Hux as he pointed to the younger man, “And that’s his best friend Ben.  My namesake.”

Hux thought it odd that a parent would decide to name their child after their own parent’s best friend , but chose not to remark.  Kylo’s grandfather seemed a sensitive subject.  Perhaps one to poke at later.

The silence that followed the quiet explanation was almost unbearably awkward, but not much more could exactly be expected of the two.  However, it was quickly broken by a snuffling at the door before it was thrown open.  Hux thought for a terrifying moment it was going to be Threepio, but was instead met by a small, somewhat lopsided black thing panting up at them, tongue flopping out the side of its mouth.  Kylo’s face split into a shameless grin and Hux felt his eyes widen at the sight of it.  That was definitely unexpected.

“Gary!” Kylo laughed, patting the bed beside him to encourage the dog to jump up.  It eventually managed to after several failed attempts, and immediately stumbled across the bedspread to flop down on Kylo’s lap.  The boy, still smiling, rubbed at the little dog’s ears as it huffed in appreciation.  

“This is Gary,” the younger boy explained somewhat belatedly, as if suddenly remembering Hux was beside him, “He’s, uh, he’s my service dog.”

“Why do you need a service dog ?” Hux couldn’t help himself that time, and the last two words came out in perhaps a more derogatory tone than intended.

“Emotional support,” Kylo said quickly, shuffling Gary off of his lap to slobber on the bed as he rose to turn on the CD player.  

“What kind of music were you thinking?” he asked after the display lit up bright blue, moving across to sort through the piles of CDs taking up several of the shelves.

“I don’t listen to much.”

“Any preferences?”

“Not country.”

Kylo laughed, and it was a strange sound.

“I think I can do that.”

He picked a CD and soon enough surprisingly soft music was filling the room.  Hux had a feeling Kylo was going easy on him.  The boy returned to his original place sprawled across the bed with his eyes shut, and Gary lifted his head to rest it on his stomach.  Hux stared at the two, some part of his mind trying to focus on the music, but the rest completely enraptured by the boy lay in front of him.  In that moment, Hux realized he didn’t have a clue who he was.

Chapter Text

Two and a half albums later, Kylo and Hux had done little but get lost in thought and pretend to pay legitimate musical attention to the songs.  Gary had slept through most of it, but perked up when the distant sound of someone beginning to scale the stairs sounded outside of the closed door.  He practically fell off of the bed, rousing the two boys from their near-slumber.  Moments later, Leia was knocking softly on the door.  Kylo made a noise of affirmation to let her know that they were indeed not dead.

“Dinner’s ready,” she said gently, before apparently retreating back down the stairs.  Hux watched as Kylo rose from the bed and stretched his arms over his head.  His crumpled shirt rode up slightly and Hux caught a brief glimpse of white and pink marks dancing up his hips and sides.  Pushing it aside, he followed the boy downstairs.

Four plates of some sort of curry sat already laid out on the table.  Apparently Kylo’s father would be returning soon.  

“It’s pumpkin curry, with chickpeas,” Leia explained, turning from where she was quickly wiping down a countertop to address the two boys, “Vegan.  I wasn’t sure what you ate, Brendol.”

“I’m fine with anything,” Hux said politely.  He was sure she knew how much being addressed as ‘Brendol’ irritated him and was playing it to a non-aggressive advantage.  Seeing how far he could be pushed before he snapped and she’d have reason to never allow him in her house again.

“It looks delicious.”

Leia hummed in what Hux assumed was thanks as Kylo sat down heavily in one of the wooden dining chairs.  Hux sat carefully down beside him, eyeing the dish before him.  It certainly looked more complex than any dish his old nanny or his mother had ever cooked for him, though he was unsure if that was a good thing.

“When will dad be back?” Kylo asked through a spoonful of curry, watching Leia as she sat down opposite her son and picked up her own spoon.

“Soon, I should think.  He hasn’t called to say he’ll be late,” Leia replied, before beginning to eat with the politeness expected of someone with a guest.  Kylo didn’t seem to care as he pushed his own food messily around the bowl, not making any move to eat much more.

Hux picked up his spoon and rifled through the concoction before him for a moment, searching for anything likely to kill him.  It did look delicious, but Leia was clearly not fond of him and he was unsure where exactly her values lay.  Upon not finding any poisonous dart frogs, Hux brought a small spoonful to his mouth and tasted it nervously.  And then promptly froze as he experienced what certainly felt like God Himself gracing his tastebuds.

“This is amazing ,” he exclaimed unwittingly, and Leia looked up in surprise.  It was perhaps a very strange thing to say after eating a spoonful of something so simple, but her expression warmed.

“Is it?” she asked, like a meek child being complimented, “Most people say my cooking’s terrible.”

Hux shook his head, somewhat embarrassed, “It’s incredible.  Thank you.”

The rest of the meal continued in a silence somewhat less awkward than the last, but the air immediately tensed when the sound of a car pulling into the drive broke it.  The door opened, then slammed closed.

“Leia?”

“In the kitchen.”

Kylo’s father appeared in the doorway, then immediately froze once he saw his wife sat with his son and a boy he’d seen only once before.  His meal had congealed and there was a layer of something greasy lay atop it, but he seemed unbothered as he glanced at it and hung his brown leather jacket on the back of the door.

“Hey, Leia,” he greeted, pressing a kiss to his wife’s forehead before turning to nod at his son, “Hey, Ben.”  

Kylo tensed immediately, but his father’s gaze had changed to Hux.  “I’m, uh, I’m Han - Kylo’s dad,” he held his hand out and Hux turned awkwardly in his seat to shake it, “And you are?”

“Brendol Hux,” Hux said politely, “Although, just Hux is fine.”

“Brendol Hux?” Han said, almost in disbelief, “Isn’t that that businessman who runs that army organization? What’s it called?”

“The First Order,” Hux replied somewhat tersely, “And yes, that’s my father.  I’m Brendol Hux II.”

Nodding, seemingly impressed (although perhaps not in a good way), Han finally sat down beside his wife.  “That’s pretty impressive.  You planning on inheriting all of it?”

Hux dreaded his father’s death more than anything.  Not out of love for the old bastard he was forced to call a father, but because of the fact that he was indeed going to be forced to inherit the man’s dreadful business.  

“I suppose we’ll have to see how everything plays out,” he replied instead, managing a tense curling of the lips that was practically a grimace, “Although, yes, I am currently the only heir.”

Leia shook her head, hesitating a moment before deciding to speak up.  “I’ve heard dreadful things about that place.”

Hux opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Kylo.  

“Are you finished eating, Hux?” he asked, in a tone that told Hux that he most certainly was.  He had hardly touched his food and Kylo had eaten nothing but his first spoonful, but decided that leaving was a better option than risking an argument with Kylo’s mother, and thus nodded his agreement and followed the younger boy upstairs.

“Uh, sorry about them,” Kylo muttered the second he had the door to his bedroom closed again.  Gary had stayed downstairs with Leia this time, and Threepio was apparently outside, so they were alone.

“It’s alright,” Hux replied calmly, though he was glad he was able to avoid any confrontation.  Kylo’s mother was frankly terrifying, and he didn’t doubt she was even more so with her husband at her side.

Kylo once again began to move things, picking up dirty clothing and shoving some of the particularly disgusting-looking articles into a washing bag shoved into the corner between the shelving unit and the piano.  He kicked away at a pair of black patent Dr. Martens and sent them splaying across the room, and then drew out the piano’s stool - just big enough for two people.

“Sit down,” he said to Hux from where he was still shuffling around with things, now sorting through what seemed to be sheet music and practice books on a low shelf.  Hux did so as gingerly as he had sat on the bed, almost expected the stool to collapse under him, but it held steady and he gazed over the instrument in front of him.  It was black, fairly old, and had a fair bit of damage to it, but it seemed well-loved and was not dusty as some of the Solo household was.  It also had several photographs blu-tacked to it - several of Kylo’s grandfather (some alone, some with the man from the other photograph, and some with an older-looking woman Hux did not know the identity of), a few of a young woman Hux could only assume was Leia (and Ben definitely had her hair - long and dark and wavy, though her’s was more often than not pulled up into elaborate braids and buns), and a couple of Han in his youth - several of the young couple together, smiling widely.  All of the photographs seemed somewhat bittersweet, instilling emotion, and Hux had a feeling that was why they were displayed where they were.  

Kylo finally moved to sit beside Hux and placed a practice book before them, pulling out his phone as well and opening a web page of references.

“Did you hear anything you liked?” the younger boy asked, and Hux began desperately wracking his brain for absolutely anything he could remember.

“The, um, the first album we listened to.   Sempiternal , was it? The slower song from that.  That was nice.”

“ And The Snakes Start To Sing ?” Kylo guessed, and tapped the song title into his phone.  The chords appeared on screen and he balanced the phone over the practice book, before beginning to play the first few notes to see if it was the correct song.  Hux nodded immediately and Kylo continued to play, gaining confidence as he went.  He looped the opening a few more times than the song required, and Hux assumed he was merely getting a feel for it, but was taken aback when the boy began to sing.

“ I’ve lost the plot again, tell your friends to sharpen their teeth...There’s a few quid to be made. ”

Kylo’s voice was somewhat shaky, nervous to be displaying something so raw to someone he hardly knew, but Hux had to admit that it was somehow beautiful .  If there was one thing that he would not have expected of the boy who screamed his throat raw every other day, it would be his hands floating gracefully across gentle ivory piano keys as his voice captivated him with borrowed lyrics.  And he definitely would not expect to be sat beside him waxing poetic about the whole thing.

Kylo glanced up for approval once he reached the first pause in the lyrics leading up to the bridge, and Hux did not know what to do but nod encouragingly.  The boy’s confidence increased noticeably, and he reached the chorus with a crescendo that rose goosebumps in a rushing wave across Hux’s skin.  If he was completely honest, he didn’t even like the song, but hearing Kylo’s voice waver with nerves as he sang, he figured he could learn to enjoy it.

He drew the song to a sudden close at the second chorus, and Hux felt like he had been snapped out of a trance.  Kylo’s hands were still held over the final chord he had played, the notes ringing out like receding footsteps.

“Can you play the electric guitar?” Kylo asked very suddenly, turning to look at Hux expectantly.  He shook his head, “No, I only ever learnt acoustic.”

“Well, I can teach you.  The premise is similar,” the younger boy explained as he rose to pull the electric guitar from where it was hung on the wall.  It looked too expensive (not to mention loved) for Hux to even hold it, let alone attempt to play it, but he stood to and took it from Kylo’s outstretched hand.  It was heavier than anticipated and his arm dropped with the weight of it, causing Kylo to let out an inelegant snort of laughter.  He glowered at the boy as he laughed, but could not stop the slight smile rising to his lips.

“Arsehole,” he muttered, with something akin to love in his eyes.