Chapter Text
4
Nikandros had no choice. He had to catch Laurent himself and ruin his alone time. He truly didn’t want to do that but he had to apologise. Not only because of his promise to Damen but because he knew he was wrong. When he went to his chamber after spying on his Kings, he couldn’t do anything useful with himself. All he saw was Laurent’s face, all he heard was his words. His mind couldn’t stop swarming him with the images of Laurent as a boy of thirteen, scared and alone, with the Regent’s heavy hand curling around his pale, fragile shoulder. He shuddered. No matter what he did that day, he couldn’t forget and couldn’t look Laurent in the eye. What have we all done? For the first time in his life he wondered what everything would look like now if Damen had thrown his sword away, if Auguste had thrown his sword away. He didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted to dig Regent out and beat him until he died again.
Nikandros had no other choice. He walked to the stables where he knew Laurent would be. He’d ride his horse every morning if he only had the time. Nikandros knew that Laurent absolutely adored Wind. She was a proud five-year-old mare, light brown with large white spots covering her rump, legs and forehead. Her mane was as brown as her coat and sometimes Laurent would weave pale blue ribbons into her hair. Wind, he called her. Damen told him that Regent killed Laurent’s horse, the last gift from Auguste, the last living memory of his beloved brother. The realisation made him sad. It also made him think of the golden lion pin he stole.
He was just about to call out to Laurent in the stable when he heard his calm voice. He entered the stable quietly and stopped, waiting for Laurent to turn. He didn’t turn as he was too occupied hugging the mare’s neck, his cheek pressed into the animal’s skin. Nikandros frowned.
“Do they give you enough apples when I’m not here?” Laurent asked, stepping back from the whinnying horse.
He was wearing his pale blue laces and trousers with the riding boots with which he almost never parted. He had a small sack filled with red apples hanging by his hip. The mare kept nudging Laurent gently and nosing at the sack. Nikandros heard him chuckle and caress the mare above her nostrils.
“Pretend to be very hungry when the stableboy comes. You’ll get more of them that way,” he said, giving an apple to the mare. “You have to be smart like me, alright?”
Nikandros frowned even harder. Will Laurent ever stop surprising him? He watched her chew the apple, then sighed internally and grunted. Gods, protect me.
Laurent jerked and turned fast, his eyes dangerous. When he saw Nikandros, he blushed furiously and stepped back from Wind. She seized an opportunity and stole an apple from the sack. Maybe she really takes after him.
“Laurent,” he said, trying to smile, “Your Highness.”
Laurent petted the horse and eyed Nikandros suspiciously.
“What do you want?” he asked, “I’m busy.”
Nikandros tried not to roll his eyes. You’re always fucking busy. He came closer and stopped a few steps from Laurent, seeing how suspiciously he still eyed him.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
Laurent blinked twice and crossed his arms over his chest. Nikandros felt like a student who didn’t learn anything the previous day.
“I’m going for a ride as I always do at that time of the day.”
“What if we went together?” he blurted before the last shreds of courage could leave him.
Laurent was silent for so long that Nikandros almost wanted to turn away and forget about it but then Laurent sighed and nodded slowly, turning his back to mount the mare.
“Alright.”
Nikandros nodded and went to take his horse, a proud, black stallion much bigger than Laurent’s Wind. He couldn’t believe that, out of all people, Laurent had a similar idea to name a horse. Nikandros was only a boy when he got Thunder and what name would a child give to a horse other than something simple yet proud? His stallion was an old boy now, his mane streaked with grey, but he was still a good, strong horse. Nikandros patted him on the neck and mounted him.
Laurent waited for him outside the stables but urged Wind to move as soon as he heard Nikandros approach. He turned to the forest, sitting perfectly straight and looking as elegant as ever. Nikandros hated to admit it but Laurent was the best rider he knew. After a while Thunder caught up and they rode side by side. Thunder looked almost comically big next to slender Wind. They were so silent that the only sound there was came from the rustling leaves and the hooves. Laurent closed his eyes for a moment, the sunlight falling on his pale face and making his hair and eyebrows shine like true gold. He breathed the smell of the forest, the leaves, the branches and flowers. Nikandros thought that he looked very beautiful.
“You said you wanted to talk,” Laurent said quietly, opening his blue eyes.
Nikandros was silent for a bit and then opened his mouth, meeting Laurent’s gaze.
“I did,” he admitted. “I wanted to apologise for what I said to you that night on the balcony.”
Laurent blinked twice, frowning slightly before he made his expression blank again.
“What makes you think I care about your apology?”
Nikandros huffed.
“It’s not a matter of caring. I realise my mistake, I know I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
He felt Laurent study his face, his pale hands clutching the reins.
“Still, I don’t care. You could do that to make Damen happy or you could do it because you truly had a change of heart but it doesn’t matter.”
Nikandros remembered the one time Damen told him about Laurent’s walls. No one got inside those walls. No one, except for Damen. He realised now that he had a tall wall to climb and he just hoped that Laurent wouldn’t push him down.
“Is that all you wanted to say?”
Nikandros didn’t know what to say to that. It truly was all he wanted to say. Besides, he didn’t know if Laurent only pretended not to care or if he truly didn’t care. He was so vulnerable in the baths, so scared of Damen leaving him not even two weeks ago, so angry.
“I’m not saying all of that to rile you up again. Part of me is glad that Damen has someone who will protect him.”
Nikandros felt a painful pang somewhere close to his heart. Just like you didn’t have anyone to protect you. He saw a little Laurent again, his blue eyes filled with tears. He truly wanted to turn back and dig Regent out and let him lie somewhere until birds ate his rotting corpse.
“Don’t let it get to your head.”
Only now did he realise that Laurent actually complimented him, purposefully or not. He opened his mouth to say something but Laurent beat him to it, his voice low and dangerous.
“And make no mistake, Nikandros,” he said sweetly. “You can’t come between us. Even we couldn’t come between us, not even what we did to each other could come between us. Don’t think you have any chance. Do you understand that?”
Laurent could have as well said he’s mine. Nikandros suddenly wondered if it was a good idea to go so deep into the forest with Laurent. He chose to believe that Damen’s love for him would keep Laurent from murdering him and leaving his body to wolves.
“And yet my words angered you.”
Laurent chucked but there was no humour to it.
“It wasn’t about you. Don’t flatter yourself. Damen would do anything to protect his country but he had already chosen me over Akielos more than once. The best option for him and Akielos would be marrying a woman, we all know that, the same goes for me. But it doesn’t matter because I simply forgot myself. I know Damen won’t replace me just as I won’t replace him.”
Nikandros was silent again and he realised that no one possessed Laurent’s ability to make him speechless so many times in the span of one conversation.
“Do you think I don’t know what you intended?” Laurent asked, raising his eyebrow. “You wanted to provoke me to insult you because you thought I’d run to Damen to cry about how mean you were to me. And then Damen would go to you and you’d say that I had riled you up again and you knew I wouldn’t have told him what really bothered me. Then he’d get angry at me and you’d whisper into his ear about how much of a cold viper I still am,” he stopped abruptly, smiling sweetly. “Is that another punishment for me from Damen’s most loyal hound? Do you think I’m stupid?”
Nikandros blushed. He couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t deny that those thoughts had crossed his mind but he was too ashamed to admit it out loud, especially to Laurent or Damen. Damen would be so sad.
“I-”
Laurent shook his head, his eyes were dark with frustration. He accidentally pulled too hard at the reins and Wind went faster, passing Nikandros for a moment before he shushed her.
“Yes, you, always you,” Laurent seethed. “Will you ever let me go? I know what I did and nothing will change that. You think you’re so honourable, so good but you never once thought how it played out for the other side, for me. It was war, I know it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I lost everything. Auguste was my everything!” he raised his voice and some birds flew away from their nests in the trees. “Am I really so mad and vile for wanting revenge? Am I really so horrible for hurting? Seeing his fucking arrogance and audacity when he knew who I was?”
Laurent stopped and took a shaky breath to compose himself. When he looked at Nikandros again, his eyes were calmer. His gaze slid over Nikandros’ blush and tense lips.
“I’m not saying I’m proud of what I did. And you’re not even the one who needs my apology so don’t expect me to crawl at your feet for the rest of my life.”
Nikandros knew better than to speak now. He knew he needed to hear it, to let Laurent say it all, to release it. He wouldn’t be able to climb the walls of Laurent’s mind without allowing him to speak first. Strangely, Nikandros didn’t feel the need to attack Laurent back. He felt hollow.
“You wouldn’t have survived what I survived and I'm done explaining myself to you.”
Will it be the closest Laurent ever gets to telling Nikandros about his Uncle’s abuse? Nikandros averted his gaze, feeling uncomfortable. Laurent looked ready to turn back to the castle, his heels almost squeezed Wind’s sides to urge her to turn before Nikandros spoke.
“Laurent, I truly wanted to apologise. I do apologise.”
Laurent stopped, looking ahead, doing everything he could not to look at Nikandros’ face.
“Why this sudden change of heart?” Laurent asked in a strange voice, strained but cold.
Nikandros flushed, heat rising in his cheeks and neck. Oh, I’ve just been eavesdropping and hiding behind trees and walls like a child or some idiot. He couldn’t tell him. If he wanted to make peace between them, he had to lie. He almost laughed at the irony.
“I was angry and I-,” he stopped looking for words that could help him. “I had to see you for what you are in time of peace.”
“Oh, did I pass your tests? Will you give me a prize? How about leaving me alone?”
Nikandros opened his mouth, then closed it and opened it again. Laurent was so difficult, of course Damen would love him so much. He knew Laurent’s patience was thinning, he was running out of time.
“If you don’t believe my apology, then I can tell you that I swore to Damen that I’ll do better.”
Laurent tilted his head back and his golden hair hung loosely around his nape. Closing his eyes, he sighed and then opened his eyes. He leaned to pet Wind’s side and finally spoke, more to her than Nikandros but at least he did.
“I told you I don’t care. I don’t need you to be my friend. I just need you to stop fucking pestering me all the time. Trust me, you don’t want to see me angry.”
Nikandros truly didn’t want to see Laurent angry. He knew Laurent’s anger was a terrible thing and not even Damen’s love could be able to tame him. At least that’s what Nikandros thought to himself.
“But I want to be your friend, Laurent,” he flushed. “We are going to spend a lot of time together whether we want it or not. If Damen was here now, he’d beg us to at least respect each other. You’re Damen’s husband,” Nikandros said, the memory of Damen calling Laurent his beloved piercing his memory. “I am his best friend. We are a family.”
Nikandros wanted to say I am his brother but he couldn’t. Not with this fragile pathetic thing of a peace between them. He didn’t want to hurt Laurent and the thought surprised him again. He didn’t even think about his wrath, just his heart. Laurent frowned, his full lips opened but he didn’t reply. I am the one making him speechless now. He swallowed and looked somewhere between Nikandros’ face and the trees surrounding them.
“I,” he began carefully, his voice thicker, “seem to have terrible luck with family. I’m not sure it’s a good thing to say that, Nikandros.”
Was it some delicate attempt to say that Laurent was scared to have a family again? Or was he just teasing? Nikandros couldn’t decide.
“Do you think you can forgive me, Laurent?”
Saying his name still felt uncomfortable. He wondered sometimes if Laurent felt the same towards him. Probably not, he was royalty. If something made him uncomfortable, then maybe it was the idea of hearing his name said out loud at all. It’s not like kings were often called by their names.
“I told you-”
Laurent sighed and composed himself. Slowly, very slowly, he turned his body to Nikandros and opened his mouth.
“Alright, I forgive you. Are you happy now?”
“Laurent, I truly meant it. I want us to get along, not just to please Damen.”
If it was any other situation, Nikandros would laugh at the look Laurent gave him. Laurent searched his face, looking for dishonesty, for some kind of deceit but Nikandros knew he’d find none of it. He was a better liar than Damianos but still a bad one.
“After all, I need an excuse to put you in the dirt without Damen killing me and our wrestling lessons are simply perfect for it.”
Laurent blushed and Nikandros rolled his eyes. He knew Damen would kill anyone who would dare to put hands on his dear Laurent. There was no need to act flustered.
“Good. I need someone who will tell me the most embarrassing moments of Damen’s life.”
Nikandros laughed despite himself.
“Only if you vouch that you’ll protect me when Damen tries to banish me to the most remote place in the entire kingdom.”
Laurent hummed, smirking.
“That could be arranged.”
They were silent again and Nikandros could see Laurent smile a little. He hung his head lower to pretend that he was chasing away flies from Wind’s neck so that Nikandros wouldn’t see his face. Nikandros composed himself and then offered his hand, large and callous.
Laurent turned his head curiously, setting his gaze on the outstretched hand.
“Truce?” Nikandros said and felt his heart beat faster.
Laurent regarded the hand before he looked Nikandros in the eye. After a moment of silence he drew his mare closer and reached for Nikandros. Their hands touched, Nikandros’ palm warm and rough, Laurent’s slender but strong. It was strange to touch him even though it was just a handshake between two men, nothing else.
“Truce,” Laurent said and squeezed his palm.
When they withdrew their hands, they looked each other in the eye curiously, if a little shy. Nikandros took his reins again and then he heard Laurent.
“If I win, you’ll tell me one embarrassing moment from Damen’s life,” he shouted in quick Veretain and took off on his mare, leaving stunned Nikandros in his place.
When he finally understood the words, he squeezed Thunder’s sides with his heels and chased Laurent, swearing under his nose. He couldn’t stop smiling.