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This Heart is a Fragile Thing

Summary:

Loki returned to Asgard clapped in irons after his invasion of Earth. After much discussion and bargaining it was decided the best course of action was to execute him for his crimes. On his way to his death his salvation arrives, but it is not his brother or mother come to plead for his life.

His savior is a young woman from the village that does not look as if she has two copper pieces to rub together. But she does have a proposal that may save his life. A marriage proposal. By the laws of Asgard this act absolves him of his crimes…so long as he remains married.

Chapter 1: Law of Absolution

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

For a year everyone on Asgard believed that Prince Loki Odinson had died during the Jotuns’ siege of the realm.

A year later he was brought back in chains after failing to conquer Midgard.

Now, three months later the fate of the second prince was being carried out.

You had thought that considering he was a prince, disgraced or not, he would have remained in prison for the rest of his days. But then a proclamation came, Prince Loki was to be executed for his crimes both on Asgard and on Midgard.

It was a shock to say the least. No matter his crimes, was the man not Odin's son? It did not sit right with you. It also did not escape your notice that Odin only made such a proclamation after Prince Thor had left Asgard to aid the other realms. You could not say that you knew the princes or any one of the royal family well enough to know who they were as people. But, from what you could glean through appearances and public outings, the brothers had a true kinship. Thor would likely not let Loki die if he was there to have any say in it.

You could not say what the Allmother’s opinion was. Did she hold the same opinions as her husband or was this sentence being carried out against her wishes?

The day of Prince Loki’s execution most everyone in the realm came to bear witness. Executions were rare nowadays and the execution of a prince was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You had thought of skipping it, not wanting to be a part of such a thing, but you felt some responsibility. If a man was to lose his life that day you needed to see that it was real.

The closer you got to the stage where he would soon be foisted and slaughtered the crowd became denser and you could not move closer. You could see the stage still. A simple block of wood sat on it and a man wearing a dark shroud concealing their face, stood at the base of the steps, a lethally sharp greataxe in his hands.

The roar of conversation in the crowd lessened and quieted as a lone drum slowly began to play a somber, metronomic beat. The king and queen emerged and sat down in a nearby box. The Allfather looked much the same as he always had when you glanced him, but Queen Frigga was dressed in full mourning attire. She looked as if she was being walked to the gallows herself.

Then, whisperings broke out among the crowd again as a figure flanked by two guards and clad in chains was walked down the aisle of dirt towards the humble wooden stage. Prince Loki.

You knew you should have been watching him but you kept glancing over at the king and queen. Odin was watching his son approach his doom with a stoic expression that revealed neither love or remorse. The queen though, even from a distance you could see the grief weighing on her. She had something tightly wound in her hands that she was holding onto like a lifeline. Odin may have been able to remain heartless in the face of this but when you looked to Frigga you saw no queen or ruler of the nine realms. You saw a mother forced to sit and watch as her child was killed. She didn’t want this. If Thor was here he wouldn’t have wanted this. So why was it happening?

Maybe you were just too soft hearted but nothing about this sat right with you.

Prince Loki stepped onto the dais, clean but clad in simple prisoner garb. He kept his head held high and stared straight back at Odin.

No. This wasn’t right.

The king nodded and Loki was forced to his knees.

In the quiet of the crowd a heart wrenching sob broke the silence. Your eyes snapped to the queen, tears streaming down her face.

That single heart breaking sob broke something in you that you feared would never be able to be mended. It awoke something deep. Your feet were moving again, arms shoving at bodies as you forced a path through the crowd.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t right. This was not right!

You broke through the crowd to the other end, pulling yourself up and over the fence keeping the crowd a safe distance away from the stage. There was a gasp from the crowd as you rushed the stage. Then you had decided to do something even more foolish.

“Marry me!” the words flew out of your mouth so fast it took you a moment to realize that you had actually said them.

The world froze.

All the eyes of the realm were on you.

The executor had paused in tying the blindfold and you were now looking straight into the eyes of the prince. For someone who was literally kneeling at the feet of death he only seemed mildly surprised by your interruption.

“What is the meaning of this?” King Odin boomed from his royal box.

It took you a moment to remember that he was addressing you. You turned, palms sweating, and tried to speak as clearly and confidently as you could.

“I invoke the Law of Absolution, Your Majesty.” you said, voice wavering only a little, “It states that any prisoner that is given a proposal of marriage on their execution day may be found absolved and redeemed of their crimes. I have proposed, if he accepts, you may not execute this man.”

The roar of the crowd erupted once again. You couldn’t make out what they were saying or even what about the situation was making them angry or if this noise was anger at all.

Odin silenced the crowd with a bang of his staff, the sound echoing and rippling across the space. He stared directly at you with his one remaining eye. “That is an old law.”

“Old or not it still stands.” you said.

“Why do you think he deserves absolution?” he asked.

You reached for an explanation, some heartfelt plea about the sanctity of life or something of the like. An answer a king would expect from a poor village girl with too big a heart. What came out instead was venom. Your tone hardened as you stared back at him. “He’s your son. Why do you think he doesn’t?”

The air seemed to crackle in the silence that followed. You had thrown out an accusation at the ruler of the nine realms. The next few seconds could very well be your last. There was a slight shift as Odin stepped forward and you expected a blast of lightning to strike you down in that moment or for Odin to heave Gungnir at you for a quick and pointless death.

Instead of finishing you off Odin spoke again, a tempest of rage held back by the eyes of the crowd.

“The law also states that you need to find someone who is qualified and willing to marry the both of you by the end of the day. If you cannot, the execution remains.” Odin was challenging you, daring you to keep your nerve and see this foolish decision through.

“I will.” Frigga stood. She was far more composed now. She turned her gaze to you, a swell of hope in her eyes. “If Loki so wishes, I will marry you both here and now.”

Odin clearly wanted to say something to his wife but was wise enough to keep it to himself. She was far too intimidating to go against in public, perhaps the only being in all the realms that could make him second guess himself. So he turned his attention back to you. “I will warn you, child. If you do marry him, he will not be a prince. Marrying him is akin to marrying nothing.”

“I do not care if he is a prince. I do not believe he should die.” You turned back to Loki and swallowed. “So?”

There was a pause, then he nodded. “I accept.”

Frigga descended from the box and you joined her and Loki on the stage. Each step onto it felt as if you were about to be shoved to your knees and your head chopped off too. But you weren’t. For better or worse, this was your altar, and this was your wedding day.

The chains were removed from Loki, and Queen Frigga instructed you to take each others hands. You were surprised by how rough they were, years of callus hardening his palms. When you looked at Loki you found that he was studying you intently. Intense green eyes seemed to scan you from head to toe, taking in every inch of your shabby appearance.

You were thankfully distracted from his gaze as Frigga began the ceremony. What Frigga had been holding onto so dearly turned out to be some gold and green scarf that she now wrapped around your intertwined hands. She spoke some words of magic and the fabric began to glow, tendrils of golden light twisting up your arms.

No vows were spoken. There were no sweet words. Only a repeating of your names and an acceptance that you would be bonded together now and forever. The moment the words left your mouth you felt something hot rush through your blood then the golden light of magic was gone. Frigga undid the knot around your hands. You risked a glance at her before looking at anything else. The relief she showed was palpable and you knew you had made the right choice, as foolish as it had been.

You turned to Loki, now your husband, and pulled him off the stage with a gentle tug of your hand. “Time to go home.”

---

You might as well have ran a gauntlet as you left that stage. No one hurt you but you could feel the eyes of the realm following you, questions on their lips as well as curses. Through the crowd you could hear some of what they said repeated over and over.

Who is she? Why did she save him? A cursed union. She should have let him die.

You swallowed back the anxiety that coursed through you and kept your hand linked with Loki’s as you left the crowd behind and started to make your way back to your home. The streets were all but deserted, everyone still back at the courtyard ruminating on what had just happened, so it made getting back easier.

Neither of you spoke as you made the journey into the lower city. The homes became less and less grand, streets uneven from never being kept, and a certain stench of stale water and manure hung in the air.

You came upon a house. Your house. More of a shack than a house really with its thatched roof dappled with moss and faded paint over old wooden walls. “Here we are.” you felt ridiculous bringing a prince to such a place and telling him it was his new home. You looked for a reaction but Loki remained frustratingly stoic as he took in the house.

Inside was not much better. If he had thought it was small from the outside the inside confirmed it. The front door opened into a small kitchen area big enough for a fire, a table, some chairs, and a couple of shelves and cabinets. There was a short hallway to the left that led to the only other two rooms in your house, the bathing room and the bedroom. At least it was clean. You kept the creaky wooden floors swept and the stuck windows clear. That was about as much as you could recommend of it.

“This is where you live?” Loki said, glancing around the humble abode.

You jumped a little hearing him speak. He had not said a word since you left the courtyard.

“Yes. It’s really not as bad as it looks.” you tried to assure him. “We have all the essentials and there’s a small yard out the back too.”

“What is it you do?” he stepped further into the house and you realized just how big he was in comparison to the limited space. You’d have to squeeze by him at any point you two were in the same room together. But it was not just his physical size, his very presence felt entirely too large for your ramshackle house. This was a man who had spent hundreds of years being raised in the lap of luxury within the golden walls of the palace. He was a prince. A god even. Now he was standing in your house inspecting your patchwork curtains.

“I’m a laundress. I wash and mend people’s clothes. It’s not a particularly wealthy profession but I get by.”

“Do you have no family or friends? No one to help support you?”

“No.” Pain and anger shot up your spine, straightening you out. “I’m an only child. My parents do not want anything to do with me and to be frank, neither does anyone else really.”

“Why?” Such a simple question yet complicated by history.

“It is a long story that I do not feel like getting into right now.” You took a deep breath. “Any other questions I can answer?”

His brow furrowed and he stepped closer to you. “There is one I have been dying to ask since you rushed the stage. Why did you offer to marry me? We do not know each other. I’ve never been a champion of the people. To be completely honest, I am not a good person. So why help me?”

“It wasn’t right.” you forced your feet to remain still and not step back as you desired. “and…I could see how sad the queen was. Odin I could understand, I never thought him a very forgiving man in the limited times I’ve seen him. But why would the queen allow that to happen?”

Loki let out a deep sigh. “She had little choice in the matter. I heard that she did bargain for my life but Odin would hear none of it. The only compromise he would give her was that my death would be quick. Suppose I should have been grateful for such a mercy.”

“I see.” you cleared your throat, taking the step back to put some distance between you again despite your best efforts to not show any nervousness. You had constructed something to say now that you were well and truly alone. “I understand that all of this has to be a far step down from what you are used to and I do not expect you to stay. You have your life and your freedom now. You are free to do as you wish.”

“You wish me to leave?” he nodded to the door.

“No. You do not have to I just thought that you would. You are free now. You can do as you please. Run to some corner of the universe where you won’t be subjected to the disdain of Asgard.” you shrugged.

He cocked his head. “Why are you not concerned?”

“Should I be?” You didn’t understand why he was concerned. You doubted that he would choose to stay in this shack with you, forced to act as your husband for the rest of your lives.

Loki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We are married now. I was impressed that you knew about the law of absolution but do you not know the rest of it?”

Your heart skipped. “The rest?”

“That if the condemned, me, abandons the marriage they offer their partner, you, up as the dead in my place. If I leave they will kill you.”

“What!” you shouted, then immediately brought your voice down again. “Why would--why punish the person whose fault it is not? What does killing me accomplish in this?”

“It was put in place to try and avoid scheming criminals out of their sentences by having an insider offer to marry them on the day of their execution.” Loki explained, “Also, gallow marriages like this are not normal. There is a reason someone of magic has to perform them. The handfasting ceremony ties our lives together, literally. If I leave and they kill you, I die too.”

That rush in your veins at the ceremony…

“So we are stuck together.”

“Till death do we part.”

If that was his attempt at a joke it did nothing to comfort you. You were reeling with the realization that your life was completely dependent on Loki not only staying alive but staying with you.

“Well um, aren’t you magic? Is there a way to undo the spell?”

“There probably is but even if I do undo it, if I flee they will still kill you thinking it will kill me. Then you will be dead and I will have that on my conscience.”

“And you care about what happens to me after knowing me for not even half an hour?”

“You saved me. I owe my life to you.” he said it in such earnest it tugged at something in your heart. In that moment the prince you had been seeing had stepped away and you saw the man who nearly escaped death standing before you instead. Humbled. Grateful. And now yours.

He held a hand out to you. After a moment’s hesitation you took it. He gave your fingers a gentle squeeze, staring deeply into your eyes as he spoke. “I will not abandon you.”

You forced your tongue to move. “I appreciate that.”

“Knowing everything now, do you regret saving me?” he asked.

You shook your head. “So long as you do not snore I think we will get along just fine.”

“Ah yes, I suppose I should assume you don’t have a spare bed here, do you?”

“What gave it away?” the tension was starting to melt which was good. “Yeah, I’ll show you the rest of the house. It isn’t much but it is livable.” You took him down the short hallway and to the door on the right that led into the bedroom.

Like the rest of the house it wasn’t very big. The bed, which also wasn’t very big, took up most of the space in the room. A large old trunk was shoved against the foot of the bed. It held all your clothes and linens. Other than that the only other thing in the room was the door that led out to the backyard.

You and Loki stood in front of the bed. You could tell he was assessing it, trying to ascertain if he would even be able to fit in such a confined space alongside you. It would be a tight fit but you should be able to sleep comfortably. Unfortunately for you that meant no more stretching out like a starfish.

Oh gods…you were going to have to sleep next to this man for perhaps the rest of your life. And this was technically a marriage. Was he hoping to consummate? Were you going to be expected to perform marital relations? You really hadn’t thought this decision through.

As if reading your mind Loki cleared his throat to catch your attention. “You are very easy to read. I assure you, I will not make you do anything you do not want to. We will be married in name only if that is what you prefer.”

“Well, good, thanks.” you rocked back on your heels, “And I would like to get to know more about you before inviting you into my bed this evening. Perhaps we can get to know each other better over some dinner and a bottle of wine.”

“You have wine?”

“I have a bottle on reserve that I’ve been saving for a special occasion.” you scooted past him back into the kitchen area and pulled a dusty bottle of wine out from the back of a cabinet along with two cups. “None seems more special than my wedding day, so how about it?”

“Sounds good to me.” he took the bottle and popped it open and filled both your cups. You started cooking dinner while you and Loki talked. Much of what you talked about pertained to normal questions about things you liked and disliked, what habits you had both good and bad.

After dinner was eaten and cleaned away you had readied for bed and were sitting cross legged on your bed talking. The cups for the wine had been abandoned as you took turns passing the bottle back and forth between you. Conversation was surprisingly easy with Loki. Perhaps it was the wine lowering your inhibitions but you were enjoying yourself. You certainly felt less intimidated.

“Alright, I have a question that has been bothering me since this morning.” you said, taking another pull from the bottle and handing it back to Loki. “You are a master sorcerer, right? Why were you calmly walking to your death instead of just teleporting out of there or something?”

“Ah, very good question.” Loki took a drink. “Odin stripped me of my title and as such, I gained no power from it.”

“How does that work?”

“He was the one that gave me the title of prince and god of mischief. By taking away both titles he took the power that came with them. If you’ve ever heard of power in a name, Asgard takes that very seriously. On Asgard, I am no longer Prince Loki or the God of Mischief, so my powers had been cut off.”

“So you just don’t have magic anymore?”

“No. That is the great thing about having power that is fueled by name and by faith. Just because he stripped me of power from the people of Asgard it does not mean that no one still sees me as a god. The people of Midgard still say my name and worship the gods of Asgard, me included. But it isn’t nearly as powerful as what it used to be. I’ll actually have to go back to practicing to build it back up now.”

“I see. So that means you do still have magic which also means you could have still potentially gotten out of that whole execution business if you wanted to.”

“In theory, but it would have been a very messy affair and getting off of Asgard is very hard if you don’t have the proper means.”

“So what? Dying was easier?”

Loki’s expression sobered. You could feel the silence stretching between the two of you as something was left unsaid. You weren’t sure you wanted to hear it. If you did then you may start crying and that wouldn’t do for your first night together. You wanted to say something. Offer some comfort but you weren’t even sure if anything you said could help with whatever was going on in his head.

“More wine?” he held the bottle out to you.

“Yes please.” you took a long pull. “Uh…are you allergic to anything?”

You hadn’t meant to wander into such a tenuous territory and were now trying to pull yourself back to safe topics.

Loki seemed to understand that you were uncomfortable and softened. “I can’t eat basil.”

“Really?”

“Makes my throat scratchy.”

And just like that you were back to the gentle rapport you were building. Maybe one day you’d come back to that unsaid something but for now it was tucked away where it couldn’t disrupt you. You had no idea what the future would hold for the two of you but you weren’t as scared as you thought you maybe should have been. Loki had promised to take things at your speed, which is more than what could be said of others.

You flushed the bitter memory away with another swallow of wine. Yes, so far this was proving to be a much better wedding night.

Notes:

And we are back at it people! I had planned to have started posting this back in October but university is HARD. But I graduate in a couple weeks and can enjoy the winter break before starting graduate school so we can get some work done here! Oh how I've missed writing here! And we're back to my boy! Fuck yeah!

Also, hi! If you are new to my profile there are 3 other MCU fics on my page. Two are Loki and one is a Bucky, all x Reader. So if you want something to read while waiting for updates maybe you can avail yourself to those? I hope you like them. I hope you like this story too! Love you all!

Chapter 2: Gossip at the Fountain

Notes:

Literally thank you all so much for the flood of love that came in for the first chapter!!! You guys are gonna get me all dopey and emotional! So glad to be back writing for you! Love you!!!!!!

Chapter Text

You weren’t sure when in the night you ended up falling asleep. It must have been after you polished off the rest of the wine cause waking up in the morning your head was pounding. Light streaming in through the window was entirely too bright and your mouth felt horribly dry. You just wanted to curl into your pillow and go back to sleep.

Or wait…that felt too firm to be your pillow. You peeked your eyes open and reeled back as you realized you were mere inches away from Loki’s face. You would have fallen off the bed entirely if it wasn’t for Loki snapping out of his sleep and grabbing hold of you. Looking into his eyes you could see that he wasn’t entirely cognizant about what he had done and perhaps where he was.

He pulled you back so you weren’t teetering over the edge of the mattress and blinked the sleep from his eyes. “Ah, right, good morning, wife.”

Your body erupted in heat and it wasn’t just because Loki still had an arm wrapped around your waist. “Morning.” your voice came out dry and croaky. You cursed under your breath and cleared your throat. “Uh sorry for startling you awake. I wasn’t expecting to be so close when we woke up.”

“Not the worst wake up call I’ve gotten.” he released you and sat up. You noticed then as the rays of morning light hit his skin that he was very much shirtless. Why was he shirtless? He had been wearing a shirt last night, you knew that much.

More importantly what you noticed, he was so gaunt. You hadn’t noticed it before in the loose prisoner garb he had been wearing yesterday. Had he always been this skinny?

He caught you staring and you immediately dropped your gaze. He cracked a smile and pulled a shirt off from the floor. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable but it is very hot in here and I didn’t want to dirty your bed any more with these rags.”

“It’s fine.” you stood up, trying to smooth out your own appearance. “Shoot, I need to get you some other clothes. I didn’t even think about that.” He certainly couldn’t wear the prisoner garb forever. It was thin and threadbare now which was fine for summer but he would freeze once autumn set in.

“Do not worry about it. I will make do.” Loki assured you. You weren’t sure what he meant but you were going to look through the unclaimed clothes at the laundry for something that may fit him anyway. Speaking of…

“Oh gods above,” you groaned, “I still have to go to work.”

No doubt you were going to be bombarded with questions and comments when you got there. No use putting it off. Straight into the fire.

“Still going to say you don’t regret it?” Loki asked as he stood across from you. “Because you look like you’re having regrets.”

“No. No, of course not.” you sighed. “It’s just, everyone loves gossip but none more than washer women. And with what I did yesterday, I know the only subject they are going to be chattering about is you and me and why I did what I did. I’m not looking forward to it but I will persevere.”

“Glad to see that you aren’t cursing my name yet at least.” Loki said.

“We have the rest of our lives to get there.” you pulled some clothes out of the trunk and froze. Shoot. “Oh uh, would you mind stepping out of the room so I can change?”

“Right. I’ll be in the kitchen.” he left the room and you let out a small breath of relief. You sat back down on the bed, taking a moment to compose yourself. You could do this. This was not the first time you had shared a bed with someone. You could get used to this again.

It would perhaps be easier if he wasn’t so attractive. You had always thought that both the princes were handsome from the times you saw them but while many of the girls swooned and fawned over Thor you had always found yourself more attracted to Loki. What could you say? You liked his dark hair and more lithe build. Although, he was far too lithe now to be healthy. That really needed correcting.

You changed into your work clothes and made up the bed. You took a moment to straighten out your hair and walked out of the bedroom. Loki was sitting at the table, plates of bread and jam set out. “I didn’t find much in your cabinets and didn’t want to overstep.” he explained.

“You don’t have to think of it as intruding. This is your home now too.” you sat down and slathered some jam on the bread. Normally you would have liked it toasted but it was already later than you usually woke up and you needed to get going sooner rather than later.

“I have to get going now,” you dumped your plate and cup in the wash basin. “Make yourself comfortable, I will return later.”

“Anything I can do while you are gone?”

“Oh, thank you for offering but I don’t think anything really needs done. Good thing about living in such a small place.” you pulled on your boots. “Farewell.”

“Farewell, good luck at work.”

“Thanks.” you quickly turned around and left. Then cursed and went back inside to collect the bag of laundry that needed cleaning.

“Forget something, dear wife?” he said with a teasing smile.

Again, hearing that word on his lips filled you with heat and you bumped into the door as you fumbled for the handle. You noticed him snort a little when you did so and your embarrassment soared even higher. You were adorable to him, weren’t you? Poor flustered thing unable to function after a little smile.

“It’s fine. I’m leaving for real now.” you hefted the bag over your shoulder and stumbled back out of the house. Alright, maybe this was going to take more getting used to than you initially thought.

Your feet carried you quickly to the communal laundry. There was already a huge crowd gathered around. It would be hard fighting out for a spot. As you neared and started circling the fountain for a spot to set up, the chatter started to hush and more and more eyes lifted to follow you. You were hoping that the large crowd would have made you invisible in the shuffle.

You steeled yourself and knelt down on the stone near the water to start your work. The women around you shrunk away leaving either side to you wide open. Fine. It was fine. Preferred even, now you had plenty of room to work.

You started working and as you kept your focus down you heard the murmurings of the group pick up once again. You tried your best to ignore them but your name kept burning your ears. Some people seemed to pity you. Others you could tell said your name like it was a curse.

Finally, as you were starting the scrubbing in earnest someone approached you. It was an older lady, you had talked to her a few times. Borrowed soap from her when you were running low. She stood above you now, disdain written plainly across her face. “Why did you do it? I thought you were supposed to be a smart girl.”

You sighed, the shirt you were scrubbing limply held in your hands. “I didn’t think it was right. That is all there is to it. But please, if there is anyone else that wants to say their piece, let us have it out now and get it over with.”

That seemed to be all the invitation they needed and soon you were being assaulted with questions. “Did you think marrying him would make you a princess? Is that why you did it?” one of the younger women asked.

“No. I did it to spare his life and the grief of the queen. Nothing more.”

“Is he cruel?” someone else asked.

“No. He’s actually been very considerate.”

“Did he run away?”

“No. He is still at my home as far as I am aware.”

“Are you not scared?”

“No. I do not believe I have anything to fear from him.” your frank and honest answers seemed to irritate the crowd more. They wanted scandal. They wanted to hear about the wicked fallen prince that this poor foolish peasant had wed in a moment of idiocy. You refused to indulge them even a little.

You had hoped that the questions were done and then someone in the crowd asked the last thing you wanted to hear. “Did you consummate?”

That got everyone’s attention. Your face heated and you turned a sharp glare on the crowd. “I hardly see how that is anyone else’s business. In the eyes of the law Loki has been absolved of his crimes. He is my husband and you should all get used to seeing him as such and not judge him for his past actions. None of you are even sure as to what happened during any of it. All you have are rumors, each one more outlandish than the last. Now, can we go back to working?”

The crowd grumbled and some cursed at you but they returned to their work. You took a deep breath and went back to your work.

It wasn’t long until someone else knelt next to you. Dread started to build in your chest until you turned and saw Meya at your side. She was perhaps the only person you could come close to calling a friend. “That was certainly interesting.” she said.

“Sure you want to be associated with me? I am the town pariah right now.” you muttered.

“I won’t say that your actions yesterday weren’t surprising.” Meya said, helping to scrub out a particularly caked in stain you were working on. “You were the last person I expected to do such a thing. But, I won’t hold a decision made out of compassion against you.”

You wrung out a pair of socks and turned to her. “Be honest, have I ruined everything?”

“Don’t listen to them. They’ll get over this with time.” she gave your shoulder a reassuring wet pat. “But are you alright? Honestly? You can tell me if something has gone wrong with him.”

“Do not worry. I meant what I said.” a memory of tenderness eased the tension in your shoulders. “He’s not what I thought he’d be. I do not know what I was expecting but he is far kinder than I thought. Adaptable too. He barely even blinked when I brought him home.”

“And…” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “last night?”

“We drank wine and fell asleep talking. That is it.” you answered.

“Do you regret it at all?”

“No. It is certainly an adjustment but this marriage can’t be any worse than the last one.” you finished rinsing out the clothes and started wringing them dry. “I know that I didn’t make a mistake, but I know how other people feel about it.”

“I think you made the decision that is true to you. Whether it does turn out to be a mistake or not can only be revealed in time.” She hefted her basket of laundry onto her hip. “If something does go wrong, come to me, please.”

“Will do. Thank you, Meya.” You started loading up your laundry and went to the clotheslines to let them finish drying. This was the longest process, waiting for everything to dry. It gave you time to unwind though.

Most of the women and even some of the men that had been milling about had come and gone and you were relatively alone once more. You went over to the collection of unclaimed clothes and started rifling through, grabbing anything and everything you thought would fit Loki with room enough for him to put weight back on. Most of it wasn’t very fashionable per se but beggars couldn’t be choosers. They were intact and didn’t smell. A few minor tears and wearing that you could patch up no problem.

You decided to go ahead and do that while you waited for the laundry to dry. You winced a little as your hands began to dry and your skin grew irritated and cracked around your joints. Damn it. You had hoped that the new soap you were using wouldn’t have irritated your hands. It was great at getting out stains but wreaked havoc on your skin.

After the laundry was dry you set aside the repairs you were doing and folded everything up to take back home. You found yourself kind of nervous to return home. You weren’t sure what you were going to find. Loki had promised last night he would not abandon you and leave you to die thanks to that stupid magic bond. But, what if he had left? What if everything he had said before was a lie and he was just biding his time until you were gone to abscond from Asgard?

If that was what happened you wouldn’t blame him. At least then everyone wouldn’t have a reason to hate you anymore. Or maybe they would hate you even more for giving a criminal the chance to escape. The closer you got to the house the more you doubted he would be there when you walked in.

Whatever happened, you would take it in stride, just like everything else.

When you opened the door a swell of relief washed through you seeing Loki sat at your kitchen table. He had one of the few books you had in the house in hand. What you noticed immediately after seeing him was that the house was immaculate. It was never very dirty to begin with but there was nary a cobweb in a corner or a speck of dust on a shelf.

“Welcome home.” Loki said, marking his page and closing the book.

“Hello,” you were still scanning the room. “Did you…did you clean?”

He shrugged. “I have no way to pay my way in your home and it didn’t feel right to sit around all day while you were working. I thought I would make myself useful somehow.”

“Wow.” You set the laundry down and toed off your boots. It looked like he had even mopped. “Not to sound presumptuous but I guess I didn’t think a prince would know how to clean.”

“I’ve always been a tidy person and I never much liked having servants in my room so I kept to keeping my own chambers clean back at the palace.”

There felt like a story behind that but you figured he’d tell you himself another time. “Interesting, but helpful.” you reached into the bag of laundry and pulled out the clothes you had got for him. “And I come bearing presents. You can go try these on while I get dinner started.”

“I told you not to worry about it.”

“I know. And I don’t know what you were planning to do but this seemed easier. Please.” you urged the clothes into his arms.

“Yes. Thank you.” he took the clothes. Then his eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“Your hands…” he picked up one of your hands, inspecting the irritated and cracked skin. “They were not like this yesterday.”

“Oh that, don’t worry about it.” you tried to tug your hand away but he kept hold of it. “It just happens when I’m doing laundry. It’ll calm back down in a day or two.”

“It looks painful.”

“Only a little.”

“Here,” he set the clothes aside and took both your hands in his, cupping them in his large palms. “Stay still.”

Not a problem. You were frozen solid, heart hammering wildly in your chest.

You wondered what he was doing then saw a wisp of green light start to emit from between his fingers. The light grew, curling around and encompassing your joined hands much like it had during the handfasting ceremony. There was a warmth that spread through your hands and when he pulled away, the magic fading, you saw what he had done.

Your hands were healed. No irritation. No cracked skin. Not even any pain in your joints from scrubbing all day.

“There. Better?” he said, searching your face for any hint of discomfort.

“Much better. Thank you.” He said his magic was limited now but it seemed to be working fine to you. If this was him at his least powerful what must he have been capable of before? The mind reeled to think of such possibilities.

“Is there anything else I can do? I am dying of boredom.” he groaned, reclining against the wall.

“Want to try your hand at cooking?” you maneuvered around him into the kitchen.

“I will do quite literally anything right now.” He hovered behind you in the kitchen as you showed him how to peel potatoes. You left him to it and went out to the spigot for a bucket of water. Dinner ended up being some mashed potatoes and some pickled fish you had. Didn’t exactly go together but it was the best you had. You would need to go shopping that week. You had no idea how you were going to budget now that you had another mouth to feed.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Loki asked, glancing up from his plate. “I can practically see the smoke coming out of your ears.”

“Just making a list of errands.” you waved it off. “I need to restock the cupboards.”

“I did notice they were quite empty. Is that just because you haven’t gone shopping in a while or are they normally this bare?”

A stab of embarrassment shot through you. “Oh, it’s uh, it’s just because I haven’t gone shopping for a bit. That’s all.”

Loki seemed to appraise you but said nothing. Could he tell you were lying?

“And work? How was that? Anyone give you a hard time?”

“Nothing that I wasn’t already expecting.” you answered more honestly. “They’ll forget about all of this in time. Hopefully some other scandalous or interesting thing will happen and their attention will divert.”

You cleared your throat. “So, what did you do all day besides clean?”

“Went out to the yard and tidied around out there. Found your small collection of books and started reading from that. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Like I said, this is your house too now.”

Loki sighed and sat back in his chair. “It is strange, isn’t it? The suddenness of everything. We’ve been married a full day now and yet we are still little more than strangers.”

“Every relationship starts out with the people meeting as strangers. Ours just started with us getting married, a legal proceeding that means nothing outside of what the law says. I don’t think we have to think of it as strange, just unexpected.” It felt better explaining it that way than admitting that your situation was in fact very strange.

Dinner was cleaned up and evening proper started to descend. Loki tried on the clothes that you had brought him. A few were the wrong size but you were confident that you could alter them to fit better. At least he didn’t have to keep wearing the prisoner uniform.

You were sat in bed, resewing a button on one of the new shirts you got Loki when he came inside from the kitchen with the book he had borrowed and a candle. “Finished?” you asked.

“For tonight. I’m tired.”

You yawned. “As am I. I’m going to finish with this button then turn in.”

The mattress dipped as Loki sat down on the other side of the bed. Suddenly you wanted to tear the button off and keep resewing it if only to give you a few more minutes before you had to get under the covers.

It wasn’t that the idea of sleeping next to Loki was abhorrent. You weren’t dreading it, but you were nervous. Last night the wine had helped to dull your senses and send the two of you off to sleep without a thought. Now though, you were both fully awake and sober.

What if you woke up pressed right against him like you had that morning? Oh gods…why couldn’t you have had a house big enough for a spare bedroom? Or at least a couch he could have slept on?

You finished sewing the button and set the shirt aside. The lights were blown out as you got under the covers.

The both of you were stiff as boards, arms tucked close to your sides as you stared headlong at the ceiling. You could feel the heat of him radiating so close to you. Part of you wanted to roll over and curl into that heat but you were terrified of doing anything but stare at the ceiling.

Loki turned his head to look at you even though you didn’t turn to meet his gaze. “You know we are going to have to cut the tension and find a way to share the bed comfortably. It should be done sooner rather than later.”

“I know.” you started fidgeting with your hands. “I just…I haven’t shared a bed with anyone in a long time.”

“Not entertaining many lovers?”

You scoffed. “Gods no. When would I even have the time for such a thing?”

“I don’t know. If you’re a laundress I’d expect you were adept at cleaning dirty sheets.”

You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. “Are you having fun teasing me?”

“It passes the time.” he smirked. “But you know if this is too much I can go sleep at the table or if you give me a blanket I can even take the floor.”

“No. I’m not going to kick you out of bed.” you took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I think, until I’ve known you for more than two days I’m going to just lay like the dead. It is what makes me most comfortable right now.”

“If you insist.” he turned over so his back was to you. “Good night.”

“Good night.” you kept staring at the back of his head and the slight rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed. Eventually the smooth hypnotic rhythm became deeper and slower as he fell asleep. You felt your own eyes growing heavy as your breathing unconsciously started to match his. In and out.

In…and out…

Chapter 3: It's an Old Scar

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When morning broke once more you were the first to wake up again. The good news was that you didn’t fall off the bed this time. The bad news was that during the night you had rolled over and fully curled yourself around Loki, arm thrown over his torso, chest pressed into his back, all of it. Very carefully you tried to disentangle yourself from him without waking him up but the moment you tried to move the arm you had slung around him he grabbed it to keep you in place. His breathing was still even so he was still asleep but you knew if you tried to tug your hand free he would wake up.

There shouldn’t have been anything awkward about it. You were sharing a bed, these types of things were bound to happen. But you were dreading the idea of him waking up to you clinging onto him like this. You tried to move slowly, waiting for his grip to slacken but it wasn’t relenting. Maybe if you did it quickly he wouldn’t wake.

Quick as a snap you pulled your hand free and froze as he began to stir. Shit! Without thinking you made to roll off the bed and cursed again as you hit the cold hard floor. “Ow…”

The bed creaked and Loki rolled over to peer down at you on the floor. “Is this your preferred method of waking up? I have to say it doesn’t seem healthy.”

“Morning,” you sat up with a groan. “I’m fine. Breakfast?”

“You know, if it really makes you this uncomfortable sharing the bed I do not have to sleep here.”

“What? No. This wasn’t because we are sharing the bed. I just accidentally rolled off. Happens all the time.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “You’re not a good liar.”

Your skin heated with embarrassment. “I’m going to go make us some breakfast.” you scrambled to your feet and rushed out into the kitchen.

With a deep sigh you started pulling what little food you still had to make a worthwhile breakfast for the both of you. “I am so fucked.” you mumbled under your breath.

A few minutes later Loki joined you and you passed your breakfast in silence. He offered to clean the dishes and you decided to just let him do it. He had proved he was a tidy person and you had work to do anyway.

The bundle of clothes that you had cleaned yesterday sat near the door and you grabbed it. You began pulling out anything in need of mending and grabbed your sewing kit to begin the repairs. Your work week usually began with washing all the clothes that you had been given from your clients and then the rest of the time was spent mending. It was good for you since it meant that you didn’t have to spend the day among the gossip mongers again but it did leave you alone with Loki in the house the entire day.

You ignored that and started working, darning socks and stitching tears like you did every week. You had been confused as to why you were able to work so fast until you realized it was because your hands weren’t in pain from the washing yesterday. Without your skin cracked and irritated you weren’t having to slow down and be careful about aggravating it more.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Loki asked after a while. You had been so absorbed in your work you hadn’t even noticed that Loki was standing against the wall just watching you.

“Oh uh…” you stared down at your work. “I mean, not unless you know how to sew. Do you?”

“Unfortunately sewing is not one of my skills. Would it be difficult for you to teach me?”

“I mean, with how much I have to do it would slow the process down a lot. I can teach you when I’m not working but as I’m doing this it really wouldn’t be worth it.” you shrugged. “Although I am grateful that you offered.”

“Hm,” he sighed, “I suppose this means I’m going to have to go out and find some work of my own.”

You paused in your stitching and looked up at him incredulous. “What’s with that look?” he asked.

“Not to sound rude but um…how do I put this delicately? Do you really think anyone is going to hire you?”

“That was delicate?”

“I just mean, you were about to be executed two days ago and I don’t know who is open minded enough to hire you. Also outside of cleaning and the little magic you have left, what skills do you have?”

“The former criminal and traitor to Asgard charges are a bit of a hiccup I will admit. But I still have other skills. I’m a trained warrior, I received the best education possible, I can do both intellectual and manual labor. I am sure I can find something.”

“But why are you so intent on finding a job?”

“Because I am not going to leech off of you. It seems you barely have enough money to get yourself by and if your meager earnings are going to be stretched to feed another mouth then it will only be a matter of time before we both starve. So I am going to find a way to bring in some more income for us. Besides, it’ll give me something to do.”

“It’s just so strange,” you said, “I guess I never really thought of a prince having a job.”

His mouth ticked down in a subtle frown. “I’m no prince. Not anymore. Please don’t think of me as such.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I know you are still adjusting. I have had a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am not a part of the royal family anymore. I’ve come to the finality that this is now my life. To be fair, I thought that I was going to be dead right now but this is a considerable step up from death. I think I can work a job if it means the reward is not dying.”

No wonder he was taking all of this change so well. This was his best case scenario in the face of fatal odds. You understood it well. “Then I wish you good luck on your search for a job. Hopefully there are more open minded people than I think.”

With that he freshened himself up and left. The house descended into the quiet loneliness you were used to and you kept up with your work. You really hoped that Loki didn’t encounter a lot of trouble while he was out. He was braver than you had been. Going out and making a go of it so immediately.

Even more you were hoping that he did find some kind of work. It would really help having another source of income.

It was late when Loki returned. You had finished all the mending and had moved onto fixing the clothes you got for Loki. When he walked in you were preparing some dinner and you jumped with the slam of the door.

“Can I assume that the door slamming means that your job search did not go well?” you asked, stirring the porridge around in the bowl.

He sank down into one of the kitchen chairs, running a hand through his hair. “Believe it or not but not many people want to hire a disgraced prince who was almost executed.” he sighed, “It is amazing how fast reverence turns to hate when you are not in a position of authority.”

You scoffed. “Oh trust me, I know all about that.”

“How so?”

You spooned the porridge into two bowls and set them down on the table. “I suppose there is no getting around this. You’re likely to hear about it at some point anyway. Really no point avoiding it.”

You took a deep breath and figured out where to begin. “So, I was not always a laundress living in…poverty, let’s just call it what it is. I am living in poverty. But before all of this I actually used to belong to a noble family, I mean that I was born to a noble family. I was born to and raised by nobles and for years I was educated to be a lady.”

You watched the surprise rise on Loki’s face. “I thought you talked rather eloquently. I suppose how you ended up here has to relate to you saying that your parents wanted nothing to do with you.”

“Yes. Getting there.” you really didn’t want to talk about this but you needed to get it out there. The only other person you had told all this to was Meya and that was years ago when it was still fresh. Now it felt like you were reopening an old scar. “I was raised as a noble and when I was old enough my parents arranged a match and I was married off to a very wealthy nobleman. He was not a good man and an even worse husband. He did not see me as a person, just someone to keep his house and bear his children one day. I was not happy in the union but it was what I was raised to expect out of a marriage. But then some time into our marriage I caught him sleeping with another woman. Truthfully I did not care about his infidelity. At first I saw it as a blessing since it meant he would spend less time on me. But after I caught him he said that he was leaving me for his mistress because she had become pregnant with his child.

“Again, I thought that this was a blessing. I could finally leave this marriage that made me so miserable and scared. But when I went back to my parents to tell them what had happened, they wanted nothing to do with me. They said it was my fault for not being able to bear my husband children and that I should have done more to keep him from straying. In their eyes I was tarnished. My virginity was gone and anyone that knew me and my family knew that I was incapable of having children. Thus I was labeled as spoiled goods and of no use to anyone, not my horrible husband or even my parents.

“My husband kicked me out of the house and my parents wouldn’t take me back in. None of the “friends” I had would take me in either. So I pocketed whatever coin I could and some jewels and used it to buy this little house. I eventually found work as a laundress in town and I’ve been living here ever since. So there, that’s my story.”

“That’s horrible.” he said.

You scoffed. “Yeah…it was.”

“And what about now? No new friends here in the lower city?”

“Acquaintances mostly. But it’s fine, I’m not really looking to make friends. Better to keep to yourself. I doubt anyone will want to associate with me now that I have a gallows marriage with you anyway.”

Loki’s expression grew rigid. “If you think it better to be by yourself, why marry me?”

“I’ve already told you why.”

“To spare Frigga the heartache, I know. But is that all?”

“I…um…” You took a deep breath pushing your dinner around in its bowl. “There were so many rumors floating around about why you tried to take over Midgard. With the business that happened with the Frost Giants the year before none of it made sense to me. The palace never gave any kind of statement about what happened, just that the Jotuns had been driven back and the Bifrost had been lost in the attack. So it left everyone with too much to speculate and no concrete answers.”

“So what does that have to do with you sparing me?”

“I suppose a part of me wanted to hear about what happened from the source. You are the only one that knows for certain what happened the day the Jotuns invaded and where you were that year you were missing. I guess I wanted to know--want to know--how you ended up on that platform ready to meet your death.”

There was something hollow behind Loki’s gaze, as if he was not entirely in the room with you. You feared you had overstepped and asked too much. Then he blinked and he was back.

“You told me your torrid past, so I suppose it is my turn now.” he said, each word carefully spoken as if from a script.

“You don’t have to.” you were quick to assure him. “It is a simple curiosity, it can remain that if you do not feel like speaking of it.”

“No. Like you said, it is best to get this out of the way now. If we are to spend the rest of our lives together I cannot hide this forever. This way nothing will be misunderstood between us.” For the first time ever you saw him look nervous. “And I suppose it would be nice for one person to know the truth. Might as well be my wife.”

You waited patiently as he gathered his thoughts and his courage. He was fidgeting even, picking at his palm and refusing to look up at you. Your food was going cold but you could care less. You needed to know what had happened that made this stoic man so anxious.

“The first thing you should know is…” he looked like he wanted to puke. “Stars above I thought this would be easier.” he muttered.

“Loki--”

“I’m not of Asgard.” he spit out, cutting you off before he could lose his nerve again. “I am no child of Odin and Frigga. I am…I am actually Jotun.”

The silence that filled the room was suffocating. The stare you got from Loki felt like twin daggers poised and ready to strike if you started screaming. He didn’t need to be so fearful. You were unsure how to respond to such a revelation. You could have guessed at a many number of things but you could not have predicted this. You were struggling to make it make sense in your head.

Loki was a Frost Giant?

“Say something.” he snapped.

“Sorry!” you flustered, “I guess I was just wondering how you could be a Frost Giant if you weren’t blue.”

His brow furrowed. “That’s what you are stuck on? You’re wondering why I’m not blue? Not why was I raised on Asgard by the royal family if I was Jotun. How did I end up on Asgard? You just want to know why I’m not blue?”

“It is a perfectly legitimate question. I can guess that you’re going to answer those other questions in time but if I don’t learn why you are not blue I’m not going to be able to focus on anything else.”

The corner of his mouth lifted into what may have been an incredulous smile for just a moment before falling again. “Magic, darling. There is a glamor I have on that makes me appear Aesir like yourself.”

“I see. You may continue now.” You had been half tempted to ask if you could see this Jotun form of his but considering how hard it was for him to even admit it to you you didn’t want to push your luck.

“Yes. How I learned I was Jotun came as an accident. I had snuck some Frost Giants into the realm to ruin Thor’s coronation and save the realm from his rule for a while longer. I knew they would end up killed by the Destroyer in the vault so I wasn’t worried about them causing any actual harm. But then Thor insisted we go to Jotunheim and he started a fight which started the war and I…I was touched by one of them. When it happened to Volstagg it left him horribly injured but when I was touched, the glamor that had been put over me faded away and revealed my true origins.”

“Wait, so you didn’t even know you were Jotun until a year ago? Is that what you are telling me?”

“Indeed. Odin and Frigga said it was because they did not want me to feel different or unloved. When I confronted Odin about what I was he said that he had found me on Jotunheim after the war. I was abandoned in a temple and he had taken me in, hoping to use me as some sort of peace offering between our realms one day. Told me that I was Laufey’s son, heir to the Jotun throne. Then he fell into the Odin sleep.

“Thor had been banished and I was left to run the kingdom and face the war that he started. The people that I had thought were my friends betrayed me, caring more to bring Thor back then in helping me keep order. They left and I admittedly made a mistake in trying to kill them on Midgard but that was only because I could no longer trust Heimdall to keep Thor away. I had a plan, a great plan to finally end the war between Asgard and Jotunheim once and for all by bringing them to Asgard where we would have the utmost advantage. I killed Laufey as he tried to kill Odin. Everything was going well. Then…well everything went to shit.

“Thor had returned, the Bifrost started imploding, the next thing I knew I was falling through a wormhole to my death.”

“But you didn’t die.”

“No. I did not die. I ended up somewhere far worse than death. I…” as much as all of this pained him to say you could tell whatever had happened after he fell through that wormhole had been worse than all of it.

Your hand covered his on instinct wanting to reassure him in whatever way you could. He looked up at you surprised. “We don’t have to say everything tonight. Save it for another day.”

“I’ve only just begun. Revealed many horrible things to you, and you still take my hand? I told you I was a Frost Giant, does that not scare you?” he tried to pull his hand away but you held it tighter.

“I’ve faced monsters before and you are nothing like them.”

He didn’t relax but he didn’t move to try and escape you again either. You continued talking. “If anything, what I’ve learned tonight has me concerned about your mental state.”

“You think I’m crazy?”

“Oh no! Not that!” you clasped both hands around his, “I mean you went through what sounds like quite the ordeal. Learning what you did how you did and the position that put you in could not have been easy. I mean, you were a prince of this realm. From the moment you were taken in you would have been raised as a warrior, meant to hate and kill Frost Giants. You were adopted by the man who slaughtered them. Then you turned around and killed your biological father over the body of the man that killed your people and stole you from your homeland. And then on top of all of that, you were expected to run an entire kingdom. How is it you are still sane?”

Loki blinked, confusion in his eyes. “But--” he stammered, “But Odin took me because I had been abandoned--”

You cut him off. “In a temple.”

“What?”

“You said that Odin told you that you were found abandoned in a temple, correct?”

“Yes. What does that have to do with it?”

“Loki, on Asgard, what typically happens to children who are left in temples?”

“They are taken in by the priests. They are raised and protected there, they--” Loki stopped, realization hitting him all at once. Granted you could not speak with certainty that the ways of Jotunheim were like Asgard but it didn’t sit right with you. Temples anywhere were considered sacred and if Odin had entered one, he must have had a reason.

“That temple was sacred ground. It was most likely a safe haven and Odin barged in and stole you away.” Anger started to bleed into your voice, “I would bet anything that he knew what he was doing. He had gone there with intent and that was to steal you. It was not done out of love or pity or compassion. He kidnapped you.”

Loki’s already pale face seemed to go a little grey as you spoke. His hand slipped out of your grasp as he leaned back in his chair. “I was right…” he murmured, “I was right the entire time. Odin never loved me.”

“Loki--”

He shot to his feet, his chair clattering to the ground behind him. You jumped, halfway out of your own seat as he paced the short length of your kitchen. “Nothing to him…” he was muttering to himself, “Nothing but a stolen relic only meant to be used when he saw fit…”

“I’m sorry.” you didn’t know what you were apologizing for. It wasn’t your fault that Odin had stolen him and lied to him all his life. You just thought the man deserved some kind of apology after all that he had suffered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Loki…” you stepped forward. He didn’t seem to notice you getting closer. He was still pacing, anger and grief roiling inside of him, desperate to be released but only the shreds of control keeping them in place.

No more of that. No more bottling everything up. You had let yourself have your grief and your rage when you were abandoned by your family. Loki would have his too. But you needed to stop the pacing first. So you did the only thing you could think of.

Loki turned around again, pacing towards you with his mutterings and you halted him with a tight hug. For a long moment he just stood there, frozen in your grasp. “I’m sorry.” you said again. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Your head was pressed to his chest, your eyes screwed shut. You could hear the fast beats of his heart thundering against your ear. Then slowly, oh so slowly, his arms encircled you and held you flush against him. His grip bordered on painful but you didn’t dare say a word.

Together you breathed and let everything that you had said that night wash over and through you. All the pain rolled in like a wave and then flowed back out into the sea, leaving you swaying with the tide of emotion. His heartbeat slowed and the grip he had on you softened though he did not release you quite yet.

“You don’t even know everything yet.” he murmured into you hair.

You ran a hand up and down his back, the ridges of his spine bumping against your fingers. You bit back a pitying sob and cleared your throat. “You can tell me in your own time. But I think we have said enough tonight. Maybe we just go to bed now.”

“That sounds nice.” he let go first, his eyes downcast.

You readied for bed and laid down. You wanted to say something but words were lost on you. What was there to say after such an exhausting night?

Loki seemed to know. Though words were not used.

You had felt his hand reach for yours while you laid in bed. A smile grew on your face and you closed your eyes, interlacing your fingers with his. Neither of you were alone. Not so long as you had each other.

Notes:

The honeymoon is trauma bonding!

Chapter 4: I’ll Weather Your Storm

Notes:

AH! I just need to say it somewhere but my finals are over! At the time I am posting this it is like 1am. I graduate university in 9 hours! I am going to bed! Thank you and goodnight!

Chapter Text

You had a pleasant dream that night. The exact details flitted from your memory soon after you woke but you remembered just feeling safe and warm, like you were in a cocoon. You tried not to think much about that when you woke up with Loki’s arms wrapped around you. You wouldn’t admit it out loud but you were starting to get used to it and maybe even liked it.

Loki had turned over some time in the night and was curved around you. You knew the moment Loki woke up because you heard the subtle shift in his breathing. It was still measured but the small hitch when he woke up tipped you off that he was awake same as you pretending to still be asleep.

How long could you keep this up? This play at normalcy. Just lay together pretending that neither of you knew the other was awake.

Not long as it turned out.

“I can tell you’re awake.” Loki whispered and a smile tugged at your lips.

“And before you said anything I knew you were too. So, are you going to let go so I can get up and get to work?”

“Although you’ve proven quite comfortable, I suppose I should.” He let go of you and you mourned the feel of it before getting up yourself.

Loki went about making the bed while you went to the kitchen to start some breakfast. You looked through the cupboards and cursed how little food you had. You really needed to go shopping soon. Normally you’d be fine until tomorrow or later but with Loki around what could last you a week was doubtful to last half that. Good thing you were doing deliveries today and could collect payment.

After breakfast you collected the bag of mended and laundered clothes you had and set off to make your deliveries. Loki said he was going to stay at the house since he had put a bunch of people ill at ease after trying to find a job yesterday. You didn’t blame him.

You went to the first house and knocked on the door. The man that answered, his expression dropped when he saw it was you. You tried not to look into that and pulled out the bundle of clothes marked for him.

“Your laundry this week.” you held it out, “That’ll be ten copper.”

The man nodded gruffly and turned to grab your money, depositing it in your open hand. He grabbed the bundle and closed the door in your face without a single word said. Alright, that was strange. You knew that man. He wasn’t the most talkative but he at least said thank you or something when you made your deliveries.

Maybe he was having a bad morning? Yes. That had to be it.

You went to the next house feeling a little more optimistic. This lady was always very kind to you. Along with your payment you could always expect a jar of jam or a fresh baked loaf of bread. You could really use some free food right now.

You knocked on the door and just like the last house you saw her expression falter. She at least kept up the pretense of a smile. “Morning,” she said. “Ten copper, yes?”

“Yes, ma’am.” you fished out her bundle from the bag. “It smells incredible in here as always. Doing some early baking?”

“Yes.” she gave you the money you were owed. “Thank you. Farewell.”

She took the bundle and closed the door before you could say anything else.

Damn. You were really hoping she’d give you a loaf. It smelled so good too. You cursed your luck and went through the rest of your deliveries. Each of them followed about the same exchange to varying degrees of politeness. You knew that you were not the most sociable person in the world but it bothered you how cold everyone was behaving.

You should have known better than to think that word wouldn’t have spread about who exactly had saved Loki from death. You had been prepared when you went to do your washing because gossip was all that was discussed at the fountain. There had been a faint hope that your customers would have learned about it at a slower rate. When you picked up laundry orders at the end of the week it was only going to be more awkward, wasn’t it?

At least you had money now. You stopped by the market for some essentials that would hold you over until you could spend some proper time getting groceries.

Upon returning home you dropped your empty bag by the door and were about to take the eggs and bread you bought to the kitchen when you saw that you were not alone. You had been expecting Loki but you were not expecting the person with him. There was a shorter man standing in your house with a waxed mustaches and wearing finery that you recognized as being of a palace official.

Both men turned to look at you as you entered. “Hello,” you held your groceries close to your chest, “What is going on?”

“Nothing.” Loki said, leveling the official with a lethal glare. “This pompous ass was just leaving.”

The official cleared their throat. “I have told you, I cannot leave until I have proof.”

“Proof of what?” you asked.

“Nothing!” Loki snapped.

The official ignored him and turned to you, a smug look on his face. “Consummation, miss.”

Your eyes went wide. “Consummation…oh by the gods. Really? What does it matter if we have consummated our marriage or not?”

“It matters because if you have not consummated it means that your marriage is not binding.”

You handed the groceries to Loki stepping toe to toe with the palace official. You had dealt with this before and you were not going to let yourself feel as helpless as the last time some official came looking at your marital bed. “That is rather outdated thinking.” you said, summoning some leftover grace from your days as a noblewoman, “There are plenty of people who do not partake in sex but they still get married and those marriages are not seen as less binding. This practice of confirming the marital bed has been slowly phasing out of common practice for years.”

“While that may be, we know that your situation is not like any of those cases.” the official said. “According to our records we know that you were previously married and were then divorced on the grounds of being incapable of producing an heir. So you have had sex before, ergo, having sex again should not be a problem. Should it?”

Fuck!

Loki moved back to your side, standing behind you like a terrifying shadow.

“May I ask why the palace is so concerned over the status of our marital bed?” you had your hands balled into fists behind your back, struggling to keep a cool head.

“Simply put, miss, if you do not consummate then that would mean your marriage is not valid and binding and the law of absolution would not apply.”

Meaning they would be able to take Loki away and execute him.

“Not to worry though, miss. The magic binding you two together will be removed beforehand so you need not fear that.” The official said. It was the way they said “will” that made you angry. As if it was already settled that Loki would be sent to execution again.

“Is the king so desperate for blood to spill that he would force us into relations after knowing each other for three days?” you felt Loki’s hand on your shoulder. You weren’t sure if he was trying to calm you down or prepare to hold you back from launching yourself at this arrogant ass.

“I am simply here to make sure the law is upheld.”

There was no way they were going to be moved from this. Not when they thought they had found a successful loophole to take Loki away again. After what you had learned you were not letting Odin or anyone else near him again.

“And what proof would we need to provide? Do you need an official statement from us or something?”

“The palace needs more concrete proof than your word. In any usual case we would ask for the sheets but considering you are not a virgin we must insist on the other option.”

You rolled your eyes. The “proof” of virginal blood on marital sheets was ridiculous. Not every woman that had sex for the first time bled. Ever since girls started faking bloodied sheets it was an inaccurate way to confirm consummation anyway.

“So what is the other option?”

“Visual confirmation.”

Your face alighted. “Visual?” you squeaked. “You mean some voyeuristic palace official is going to stand in our bedroom and watch us consummate? Is that what you are telling me?”

“It is what would be easiest.” the official nodded. “You have till the end of the week to consummate. If you do not, the palace will recollect the prisoner.”

With that they left.

You turned to Loki, the panic you had been keeping hidden rising to the surface again. “They cannot seriously kill you because of this, can they?”

Loki shook his head. “Odin wants me dead. It seems he’s trying to find a loophole to get that done. This consummation nonsense is only the start.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“Well, we have two options it seems. Either we actually consummate or we pretend to consummate.” he said, “Whichever you would prefer.”

You suddenly found it hard to look him in the eye. “I think pretending is best if we can get away with it.”

“We will. My magic is limited but thankfully illusions are not hard and I’ve been specializing in them my entire life so creating doubles to perform the deed instead of us should be no problem at all.”

“Oh thank goodness.” you breathed out. Your body was still buzzing with energy though and you decided to channel it into making some dinner. “And you are sure you can make these illusions convincing enough to trick the official?”

“Yes. I assure you I can make them very convincing.” he leaned against the wall, “That being said though, to make such an illusion I need to know what you look like.”

You cocked your head at him. “What? The past couple of days hasn’t given you a good enough idea on what I look like?”

“From what I can see, yes. But considering the purpose of the illusion I may need to know what all of you looks like.”

“All of me? What do--” your tongue stilled mid sentence, “Oh. I see.”

“It is still intrusive, I know. But it is the least demeaning out of our options.” he looked away, his jaw clenched.

“But um, wouldn’t we be under the blankets or at least partially dressed?”

“Unfortunately, the official may not grant us such modesty, just to make sure we are not faking it. They may demand to see actual…penetration.”

“Stars above…” you muttered, hand tightening around the loaf of bread you held. “Shit.”

“If it is too much I can work around it.”

“No.” you said, perhaps a touch too quickly. “I mean, it’s fine. It is just nudity. I will be fine.”

“Will you be ‘fine’?” Loki’s gaze was intense, as if he was trying to intimidate you into changing your mind. “I won’t force you. I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.”

“Loki, really,” you set the mangled bread down. “Our arms are already being twisted. Besides, what is there for us to be shy about? There are no blushing virgins in this room.”

“Right you are.” his gaze scanned you up and down. “We can do all that another day though. Let us take the rest of the evening to unwind.”

“Good idea. You can come help me with dinner then. Think you can try to uncrush the bread I just bought?’

“That I can do.” he joined you by your side. Using a bit of magic he brought the bread back to what it looked like before. Having a magical husband was very convenient, for multiple reasons.

“How were your deliveries?” Loki asked, trying to steer the conversation back to more mundane subjects.

“They went well. Although, some of my customers were acting rather coldly towards me throughout the afternoon.” you sighed, “I imagine this marriage will take a long time for people to get used to. I knew that it would be, but I suppose I had hoped that more people would be open minded about it or at least better at faking their disdain.”

Loki looked at you, really looked at you, his mouth opening to find some words to say but nothing coming out. He turned back to the vegetables he was chopping.

“It will pass, I am sure.” you said. Whether you were saying it to try and assure yourself or Loki was not clear.

You knew you did the right thing. You knew that. But there was some selfish part of your being that chided you for running to him that day. That heartless voice telling you that you could have gone on with your normal life, free of other people’s judgement if you had just hardened yourself. If you had just not gone to the execution none of this would be happening.

You didn’t even blame Loki for it. He didn’t ask you to save him. You had done this all on your own because you couldn’t stand seeing others in pain. Loki had done nothing but try to make things comfortable for you since you brought him home.

You didn’t want these thoughts. That wasn’t who you were. Yet the thoughts remained. A whirlpool of bitterness and disgust swirled inside you. A constant batting back and forth between affirming your feelings and convincing yourself that just because you thought them didn’t mean they meant anything. You were still a good person. You did the right thing. You didn’t have any regrets.

You couldn’t start regretting your decision before even a week went by.

But your life would be easier if you hadn’t.

Life will get easier again, it will pass soon.

A stranger’s grief isn’t your problem.

But you would have felt worse if you knew there was something you could have done and you didn’t do it.

Loki’s life is shit now because he married you.

He was about to be executed, he would have had no life if not for you.

Maybe he would have preferred being dead than being saddled with you in this shitty shack without enough food to eat. It’ll be a miracle if you both survive the winter.

This place isn’t that bad and if Loki can get some work then you would be fine. Besides, he’s a Frost Giant, isn’t it impossible for him to be able to freeze?

He’s already in so much pain. Perhaps death would have been a mercy, at least then he would not have to live with the knowledge of what had happened to him.

If we allow our worst moments to dictate our lives we are worse than dead. At least if we can accept that they happened and move on then we can try to enjoy a happy life.

“Are you alright?” Loki asked, drawing you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I was lost in my own mind.” you cleared your throat, willing the tumultuous thoughts away. “Did you say something?”

“You went still. I thought perhaps something was wrong. Are you still thinking about the consummation nonsense or the rude people during your deliveries?” he dropped the vegetables he had been chopping in the pot.

“No, I was just…” you sighed, “How is it you are like this?”

His brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“I mean with everything that has happened you just take it all in stride. You barely even know me and yet you treat me so kindly and I suppose I expected you be more bitter, reserved, even angry. Is it all just an act to make sure that I am not frightened or are you truly this amenable?”

Loki’s expression cracked and for a moment you saw what it was he was holding back. There was anger there, a hot burning anger that made you remember this man was a warrior and a god. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath through the nose and letting it slowly.

“Given what you have confided in me since we met, would you prefer that I raged and bemoaned my circumstances? I said before I had time to come to terms with my lot in life, it does not mean that I am not resentful of it. But I will not make my rage your problem, you have done nothing to warrant it. If we are to survive we must trust one another. I decided to trust you the moment you stood in front of Odin and defied his verdict, not for glory or for riches, but out of kindness.

“And I do not blame you if you may resent me for what this marriage has done to your life. I would be surprised to hear that you are not also angry at the world for everything that has happened to you. But anger will get us nowhere.”

Loki leaned against the counter, years of hardship weighing down on him all at once. “Anger is tiring and I have been angry for years. I refuse to add more fuel to my pyre by finding fault in you too. Do I wish the house was bigger? Yes. Do I wish we had more food? Yes. But those are not your fault. And I imagine they are grievances you have too.”

“I don’t think I’ve had a meal that has made me full in years.” you admitted.

“Our anger is not wrong, just like our grief. If we can grieve then we can also rage and complain.” Loki took your hand. “Now, do you want to tell me how you really feel?”

You squeezed his hand back. “I am pissed. I hate that we are being forced into this consummation nonsense. I hate that my customers now all seem to hate me because I married you. I hate that I work like a dog for such little money.” Your body was vibrating with rage, your voice raising louder and louder until you were practically yelling. “I hate my ex-husband. I hate my parents. I hate Odin. And I hate everything about this stupid society that has forced me into this tiny house with no fucking food!”

“There she is. I knew there was something you’ve been holding back.” Loki said, a smile on his face. “Feel better?”

You straightened up and smoothed out your appearance. “Yeah, actually. I feel a lot better.”

“Good.” he stepped closer, “Do not lie to me again. When I ask you how you are feeling, I expect honesty.”

“Only if you promise the same.”

“Deal. Now, can we get back to making our meager dinner and go to sleep in our tiny bed?”

You snorted, a smile growing on your own face. “Yeah. Let’s do that. If you don’t mind, I’m going to keep complaining about how unfair it is that we are being forced to consummate our marriage in front of someone just to keep you from being killed.”

“The floor is yours, dear wife. Hold nothing back.”

Chapter 5: Not Just an Illusion

Notes:

Thank you all for the lovely comments last chapter, especially those who congratulated me on graduation. It really meant a lot and I was smiling ear to ear the entire day because of it!

And for your love and because this somehow worked out that this chapter is getting posted so close to Christmas, here's a chapter I was really excited to write! Happy holidays! Happy reading! I will see you all next week! Love ya!

Chapter Text

You were filled with a not so silent dread when it came to be the morning of your consummation confirmation, which was just a polite way of saying someone voyeuristic ass from the palace was going to come watch you have sex. Loki had assured you that with the illusion in place they would not know a thing but you still found yourself nervous about the whole thing. What if the illusion didn’t work? What if they realized you were trying to pull the wool over their eyes and made you consummate for real?

It was these thoughts that entered your barely conscious brain and roused you to waking. You immediately turned to find Loki and was surprised that he wasn’t in bed next to you. That was strange. You were usually the first to get up, where could he be?

You left the bedroom and pulled open the door to the bathing room. It didn’t occur to you that you should have knocked until after you opened the door and spotted Loki fresh out of the bath, dripping wet and fully nude. He looked up in alarm and covered himself but not before your eyes had traitorously flicked downward and caught sight of his dick.

Your face erupted in flames and you slammed the door shut again. “Sorry!” you shouted and retreated into the kitchen. The gods were against you today. They had to be. Was Odin actually cursing you or did it just feel that way? You wouldn’t have been surprised if he was.

Loki came out of the bathing room with a towel secured around his hips. “You alright?” he asked.

“Yes. Fine. Sorry about barging in on you. I swear I didn’t mean to.”

“Do not worry yourself over it. Consider it a tit for tat since I have to see you naked as well.” he said.

“Oh…right.” you had not forgotten that for this ruse of yours to possibly succeed he needed to get a good picture of what you looked like naked as well. It had been hard to put out of your mind since he had brought it up a couple days ago.

Loki cleared his throat. “Do you want to get that over with now or later? I don’t know if you have other plans for the day or not.”

“Oh uh, we can just do it I now I suppose. It isn’t going to get less awkward at night.”

“Alright then. I will get dressed and you will get undressed and we will get this over with as quick as we can.”

“Loki, how good of a look do you need exactly? I just mean, how long do you think it will take?”

“Should not take more than a minute or two, just to make sure I have it locked in for the illusion.” he said, “But again, if you would rather not--”

“I assure you it is fine.” you stood up and went into the bathing room to undress in privacy while he got dressed in the bedroom.

You took the time to fix your hair and brush your teeth, anything to give yourself a little more time before you had to discard the nightgown and leave the room. You hadn’t been naked in front of someone in a long time. Did your body even look good? Your nerves were going to make you sick!

There was a gentle knock on the door followed by Loki’s voice. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, just a moment.” you answered, gripping the edge of the sink for dear life. You had nothing to worry about. Nothing to be ashamed about. It was a normal body and Loki was only looking at it to ensure that your privacy and his safety remained. It was all very professional. Clinical even.

How was this any different than nude models posing for artwork? Yes, that’s all it was. You were posing. Nothing more. And it would take much less time than a painting anyway. You could do this.

You shimmied out of your nightgown and took and deep breath before opening the door. Loki was standing in the bedroom and when he heard the door open his gaze went to you. You froze, half hidden behind the door.

“It’s alright,” he said, “In your own time.”

You stepped into the room. The morning light felt entirely too bright, too exposing. Every inch of you was visible for him and you were scared for a moment that he would be able to see how hard your heart was beating against your chest. You kept your gaze down, hands fidgeting behind your back.

When you dared to look up you found that Loki was indeed staring at you but you couldn’t say for sure it was in an analytical way. You likened it more to how you saw patrons stare at pieces of art, full of admiration and awe. Or maybe that was your own fantasies playing tricks on you.

His eyes found yours and you felt your knees go weak at the look he threw at you. You had not seen such an expression before and you didn’t know what to make of it. It was not mad lust, but it was not indifference either. It was just intense. That was the best way to describe it. Intense.

“Are you almost done?” you managed to squeak out.

“Oh um,” he snapped back to the Loki you were used to seeing. “Turn for me and then we’ll be done.”

You turned slowly, glad to have some kind of instruction other than to just stand there. When you finished your rotation Loki was standing closer, holding a robe out for you. He draped it over your shoulders and you pulled it closed tight in one fist.

“Thank you for doing that.” he said, “And I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

“It’s fine.” you looked away.

“I will send word to the palace that we are ready for someone to witness the consummation tonight.” he debated reaching for you but decided not to. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been naked in front of anyone.” you admitted.

“If it is any consultation, it was a pleasure to see.”

Your face burned and you turned to smack Loki’s chest. “You cannot just say things like that!”

“Would you have preferred I lied?” he laughed, easing the tension in the room. “You have to know you’re a beautiful woman.”

“Just--just--” you shoved him out of the room, “I need to get dressed.”

This man was going to be the death of you!

You got dressed and left to find Loki making some breakfast for the both of you. You had been able to do some proper grocery shopping the other day so you had fresh bread, butter, jam, and even some eggs to eat. You may have dipped into the little savings you had to buy some extra food as well, not just because you knew you needed to keep Loki fed too now but you wanted to be able to cook bigger meals. This man needed to put on some more weight and that wasn’t going to happen with the rations you had been living off of before.

You sat down and accepted the slightly burnt toast he offered and smothered it in jam. You were feeling more at ease now that you were clothed and had some food in you.

“So,” you said, “What is it that we will be doing while this illusion you make is going at it in our place?”

He swallowed his bite of egg. “Yes, that. I’ll be using my magic to not only create the illusions but it will also be keeping us invisible during the illusion. The illusion is the easy part but the invisibility will take more concentration to keep up while also performing the illusion. For that reason, when tonight happens and we are hiding I need you to do your very best to remain still and quiet. My invisibility will keep us hidden from sight but it will not disguise sound.”

“Good to know.” you drummed your fingers on the table and looked at the man that was your husband, but only in name. “It is disgusting that they are really forcing us to do this. Even if we are getting around it with magic, to send someone to watch us is revolting.”

“I cannot agree more. But at least we won’t have to worry about it again after this.”

“And what if we are caught? What if the illusion fails or they have some way to see through magic being used?”

“In that unlikely scenario we may be forced to actually consummate.”

“I see.”

“But like I said, it is highly unlikely that anything like that will happen.”

“Unlikely does not mean impossible.” you pushed your eggs around on your plate. “I guess I should be prepared for that in case it does come down to that.”

Loki reached his hand across the table and took yours. “It won’t. I promise.”

When night descended you were a tangled ball of nerves, pacing around the short space of the kitchen waiting for the official to show up. Loki, bless him, was trying to get you to relax but no amount of words was able to save you. You nearly jumped out of your skin when there was a knock on the door. You finally froze as it hit you. This was happening. This was actually going to happen.

Loki looked to you. “It will be alright.”

You nodded, unable to speak.

He opened the door and the same official that had come to your house a couple days ago was standing on the other side. You had really hoped it would have been some new face that you had no association with. Seeing this bastard in your house again made you want to slam his head in the oven.

“Good evening,” the official said, regarding the both of you.

“Is it?” Loki snapped at him.

“If it turns out you two actually do consummate then it shall be a good evening for you at least. You live to see another day.” the official’s gaze turned to you and you did not like the hungry look in his eye, “And you will have lain with a beautiful woman. What can be a better evening?”

“Not having our relations monitored by a voyeuristic shit employed by Odin?” Loki rolled his eyes. “Let us just get this over with.”

“Yes. At your discretion.” the official nodded toward the bedroom.

You stepped forward. “You will give us the decency of disrobing and getting into the bed before you come in to watch us like a pervert.”

“Miss--”

“That was not a request.” You grabbed Loki and went into the bedroom.

“It’ll be over soon.” he whispered to you. He grabbed your hand and you plastered yourselves against the wall. You had a clear view of the bed which Loki needed for the illusion. “Remember, not a sound and do not let go of my hand.”

“Silent as the grave.” you took a deep breath, holding his hand tightly.

You felt a tingle of magic course through your intertwined hands. In the bed were the illusions, and just like Loki had promised, they were incredibly convincing. You would have sworn you were looking into a mirror if it was not for the fact that the couple in the bed were obviously stark naked under the sheets.

“Let’s put on a show.” Loki whispered. He raised his voice slightly to be heard outside. “We are ready. Let’s finish this nonsense.”

The official entered. You didn’t want to look at him watching your illusions so you watched the illusions instead. It was either that or keep your eyes closed the entire time and you knew that curiosity was going to gnaw at you if you did that.

The illusion Loki threw a disdainful look at the official before turning to the illusion of you. You were not sure what to expect but you had thought that Loki would make the illusion quick. A short and quick fuck to prove that you had sex and that would be it. You were surprised to see he had crafted something so much softer than that.

The illusion Loki had cupped your illusion’s face and kissed you tenderly. Your eyes went wide and you had to bite your tongue to keep from making any noise.

Your ears had to strain to hear it but you heard the illusion Loki whisper something to the illusion you. “Just focus on me, my darling. It’s just us here.”

My darling? He even had a pet name for you?

The Loki illusion was doing a good job of keeping the illusion you hidden from the official as best he could with his body but left it very open to the you on the opposite side.

His hand disappeared under the sheets and you realized that it was between your legs. You couldn’t see exactly what was happening under the sheets but you could have a very good guess as the you in the bed squirmed and bucked into his touch. There were small sighs of pleasure coming from the you illusion. You had not been ready for sound as well!

Once the illusion of you was done being fingered by the illusion of Loki he gently rolled on top of you, spreading your legs wide. With Loki hovering on top of you now the blanket that had been so far covering your modesty was gone, your breasts exposed to the air. And still Loki was keeping you hidden from the prying eyes of the official. Even as an illusion he was trying to protect your modesty.

Then, he sunk in. Your arms were flung around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss as he slowly sunk into your heat, rocking his hips slowly to help stretch you out and get you used to his cock without hurting you. All the while you kept kissing him. He kissed you back with fervor, a small moan escaping out the corner of his mouth as he laid full sheathed inside you.

The bed creaked as your bodies moved together, soft and slow. And the moans just kept coming along with the hush of words that your ears could barely hear. One stood out though. The illusion of you was repeating Loki’s name over and over in a breathy voice that you did not recognize but sounded so much like you that you had to wonder if you had been moaning in your sleep. There was no way that Loki could make that good of a guess at your voice just through his imagination!

Then again, this entire illusion was just his imagination coming to life before you. Was this how he pictured your coupling? Not a mad drive of lust, harsh and brutal, meant only to give him pleasure. But something quiet and sweet and loving. That was it. This illusion was making love to you, putting you ahead of himself, wanting you to feel good and more importantly, safe. Every action was made in the interest of making sure you were at ease and enjoying yourself, despite the undesirable circumstances of which it was happening.

Things got a little faster, the couple in the bed writhing together as more moans and gasps punctuated the air. Your legs had crossed and locked around Loki’s hips, keeping him close as his gentle love making turned harder. A release was just around the corner, you could practically taste it in the air.

Faster and faster…

The air was charged, sweat was building up on the back of your neck and you could feel heat pooling between your legs.

Almost there. You were almost there you could tell.

“Loki!” the illusion you moaned out. Your nails scratched at his back, leaving angry red lines along his shoulder blades.

“Yes darling,” he sucked hard on your neck, his thrusts losing rhythm as he pounded into you. One of his hands pawed at your chest, pinching and pulling at the nipple. “Let go, it’s alright.”

The next thing he said was so quiet you weren’t even sure you heard it correctly over the sounds of the creaking bed and slap of flesh. “Let me feel that cunt clamp down and milk me dry, my darling. Cum for me.” Had that actually been said or was it your own overactive imagination imposing itself on your senses.

You were biting your lip so hard you were scared you’d draw blood. But it really was the only way to keep yourself from making any noise. It was all just so much and you could feel yourself getting worked up watching it all.

There was one final sharp cry and gruff groan from the illusions in the bed and then they stilled, breathing hard. It was over. The Loki illusion didn’t turn to look at the official, just lifted his head a bit and grunted. “Will you get the fuck out already?”

Your mind snapped back to the moment and you turned to look at the official. “Right. Well,” they cleared their throat, “Your marriage is hereby officially consummated in the eyes of the law. Farewell.”

You noticed with ample disgust that the official was walking awkwardly as they turned and exited the room. Once they were gone though the illusions in the bed disappeared and a perfectly made bed stood before you once again.

You weren’t sure what to do for a moment then realized that you had been squeezing Loki’s hand so tightly your nails had dug little half moons deep into his skin. “Well uh…” you cleared your throat, suddenly aware of how incredibly turned on you were right then. “That was certainly something.”

“Yes. It was.” he breathed out. He turned his body from you. “The um, the magic kind of rebounded on me so I have to…”

“Oh. Oh! Right. Yes. Go take care of that. I’ll start getting ready for bed.” your body was still trembling and you needed to get some space before you did something reckless.

Loki went to the bathing room and you took in a deep breath. You hovered by the bed. It was perfectly made, just as it had been when you made it up this morning. The mess of sheets never actually having happened. But it felt so real. So achingly, desperately real.

Your core was still hot and desperate for touch. Fucking Hel! You dropped to your knees on the floor, your hand racing between your legs. It didn’t take long for you to cum. Especially not when you remembered that Loki was just in the other room probably doing the exact same thing. You muffled your cries of pleasure into the mattress, biting on blankets hanging over the edge to keep you quiet.

Getting back up off your knees was hard to do after the quick orgasm you gave yourself. Your body was still buzzing with anticipation, wanting something deeper and harder than what your hand could deliver.

It was just the illusion. Maybe the magic of it all had rebounded back on you too. There was no reason to make any rash decisions tonight. Not when it was already so late and no doubt Loki would be tired after doing all that magic.

You pulled yourself back to standing and went to the kitchen to wash your hands and get something to drink. When you went back to the bedroom Loki was already there. You didn’t really say anything to one another. You just crawled into bed and laid lie planks next to one another. Every shift of the mattress and accidental brush of skin had your breath hitching. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter 6: Out of Our Control

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You didn’t end up getting much sleep last night. You could not get yourself to relax after watching the illusions and you felt like jumping out of your skin every time you felt part of you touch Loki. It was not helped that despite your quick self-help session while Loki was in the bathroom you still found yourself ridiculously turned on.

There was a reckless part of you that wanted to roll over, mount Loki and fuck him until your legs broke. Reckless and tempting and not at incredibly distracting! Your mind was running rampant with fantasies and it was not helping your situation. You tried to think of anything else to get yourself to stop but it was not working.

Eventually pure exhaustion let you fall asleep for a couple hours. But truly, you must have been being punished because when you woke up it was not in a natural, gentle waking with the sun. No. You were jarred awake after having a very intense and realistic dream of having sex with Loki.

Your heart was pounding and your cunt was throbbing. This couldn’t stand. You needed to get a handle on this now. Checking to make sure Loki was still asleep you slipped out of bed and locked yourself in the bathroom. You didn’t even try to calm yourself down and instead went right to your cunt. The images and sensations that felt so real in your dream were still so vivid in your mind it didn’t take you long to cum. And then cum again when the first orgasm still left you wanting.

Your body was beaded with sweat, arousal was soaking down your thighs. To keep yourself quiet you had been biting down hard on a towel and your jaw ached because of it. You were satiated but unfulfilled. Your body wanted more yet. More than what your hand could accomplish. This wasn’t fair. For years you had been able to coast along by yourself just fine and then one night watching an illusion of you and Loki and suddenly you were reduced to a mess of sweaty limbs on your bathroom floor.

You forced yourself to your feet and drew a bath. The water was cold since you weren’t taking the time to warm it but honestly it was probably better that way. You needed your body to cool down. The shock of cold water did help to snap you back to your senses and your libido cooled off with it.

It was fine. You could get through this.

By the time you got out of the bath Loki was also awake. Just his gaze on you was enough to reignite the flame you had so desperately tried to snuff. “Morning.” he said.

“Good morning.” You gave a sniff to the air. “I think you’re burning breakfast.”

“Shit.” he snapped back the stove where the toast he had been making was singed black around the edges. “One of these days I’ll get the timing right.”

“I appreciate your trying at all.” you scooted past him, grabbing some eggs from the cupboard and whipping them up to go with your toast.

You lapsed into silence as you worked side by side making breakfast. Loki was the first to say something. “So, about last night,”

You were immediately on your guard. “What about it?”

“Do we need to discuss it? You seem jumpy this morning and you haven’t looked me in the eye at all.”

“I don’t know.” you muttered.

“It made you uncomfortable.”

“No. No it didn’t.” You weren’t going to confess that it had turned you into this mess that felt two seconds away from jumping his bones either. “I guess I was surprised. When you said you were going to make an illusion I wasn’t expecting that.”

Loki split the food between you onto two plates, watching you from the corner of his eye. “What about it exactly were you not expecting?”

“All of it?” you shrugged. “I thought you’d make it quick just to show that we had sex but it was…longer.”

“I see.”

“I guess I was expecting something clinical but you put on an entire show. It was tender.”

“Well,” this time it was Loki’s turn to avoid eye contact. “I figured if I had to show the official something it might as well be something they weren’t expecting. I wanted them to see us enjoying ourselves, despite their interference. Maybe make them believe that this marriage was going far better than they were hoping it would. If they thought I was being cruel to you then they’d have even more excuse to try and arrest me again.

“And,” Loki continued before you could say anything, “I wanted to let you know that you had nothing to fear from me. If we were to have had to actually consummate our marriage, I would not abuse you.”

You cupped his hand, a watery smile on your face. “You’re a good man, Loki. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise.”

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry?” he asked.

“Because you’ve shown me more courtesy in a week of being married than I received in years with my previous marriage. I guess I did not think that a man could be so kind.”

“Kind?” Loki stared at you bewildered. “Darling, I feel as if I am doing the bare minimum. I do not force my way into your bed and you call that a profound kindness? Who was this bastard you were married to before that ruined your perception of humanity?”

“Considering what my parents are like I don’t think I ever had a good idea on what humanity was supposed to be, only ever the worst of nobility.”

“And yet you turned out as sweet as you did.”

“We can thank my nanny for that. My parents only interacted with me when they wanted to, my nanny raised me, made me a much more empathetic person.” Every happy memory you had growing up was with her. You knew in your heart of hearts that if she was still alive when your husband threw you out that she would have taken you in without a second thought. If she had a say she would not have let you marry him in the first place.

“Your nanny sounds like a very special person.”

“She was.” you sniffed. “One of my favorite memories I have is her taking me to the autumn festival. She used to let me run around to my heart’s content. I played games and watched puppet shows and are as much as much as my stomach could handle. It was one of the few times I ever felt truly free. I wasn’t some nobleman’s daughter, I was just a kid.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It was. I haven’t been to the festival since I got married. My husband hated the crowd and the noise. He always referred to it as “commoner trash” and refused to let me go even on my own. I thought I’d have the chance to go back after I left but I’ve always been busy working, can’t spend money either since I need to save every cent.”

“Maybe we can go this year.”

“You think?”

“Why not?” he gave you a reassuring smile. “Now, what plans do you have for today?”

“Well, today is my personal laundry day so I’m going to be taking all the dirty clothes down to the fountain to clean.”

“Mind if I join you? I’ve never washed laundry before but I’m a fast learner.”

“Sure. I’d appreciate the help.”

After breakfast you dressed and collected your clothes. You also stripped the linens off the bed and shoved them into a large sack. You went to sling it over your shoulder but Loki caught it and carried it instead. “After you.” he gestured to the door.

You grabbed the basket of cleaning supplies and headed out. The awkwardness of the morning had disappeared and your hormones along with it. Maybe you were nearing your cycle. That would help explain why your libido was through the roof this morning. The memory of the illusion and your stupid dream didn’t help but even with that you figured it shouldn’t have been that bad.

You shook off the thoughts and continued to the fountain. You normally did your personal laundry on one of the off days to ensure there wasn’t a huge crowd like there usually was at the beginning of the week. When you arrived the fountain was emptier than normal which was relieving but it didn’t stop the people there from staring and whispering. You kept your chin high ignoring their stares and settled down at a spot on the fountain.

If Loki was uncomfortable with the attention he was garnering he made no show of it. You went about your normal chore, showing Loki how you scrubbed and rinsed your clothes and sheets. It wasn’t hard work but it was tedious, exactly why people paid you to do their laundry instead of doing it themselves.

With Loki helping the cleaning went by much faster. All that was left to do was wait for everything to dry. “Hopefully those dark clouds overhead won’t start pouring soon. I’d like to get the sheets a little dry before the rain starts.”

“If all we are waiting for now is for the laundry to dry I can help with that.” Loki looked out at the sheets and clothes hung up on the lines and held up his hand. A gale of hot air blasted from his palm and buffeted the lines. “Check them now.”

“A little warning next time would be nice.” you straightened your hair after his sudden show of magic. You went to check the laundry and a smile split your face. “They’re completely dry! Thank you so much! You just made this ten times easier.”

The villagers that congregated nearby renewed their whispering at the display of magic. You rolled your eyes and called to Loki. “Come help me fold these please.”

“Coming.” He pulled off one of the bedsheets and blanketed it over your head.

“Hey!” you laughed, trying to find the end. “Loki I can’t find the end. Help.”

“Having some trouble, darling.” he pulled up one of the ends, ducking his head under with you.

“Only a little.” you clambered towards him, static making your hair stick up in places. “You going to actually help me fold this or just cover me with it?”

“Hmm, I’ll have to think about that.” he pulled the sheet down so you were stuck in the center again.

“Loki! You ass!” you pulled at the sheet, balling it up in your hands until you were finally free of it. You threw the sheet at him. “You can fold it yourself now.”

“Oh, what a burden.”

You narrowed your eyes playfully. “Do you think you’re funny?”

“I do.”

“Just--” you took another sheet off the line and threw it at him. “Get folding.”

“Yes, dear wife, at once.” he responded with a little mocking bow.

You shook your head and went about collecting and folding the rest of the laundry. While you were doing that you looked around and noticed that a denser crowd had amassed in the square. Curious onlookers that had no doubt heard that Loki and the woman that married him were out and about again. It was going to take longer than a week for the novelty of it to wear off.

What were they waiting for? Did they expect Loki to lash out and start cursing everyone and everything? Were they waiting for someone to come and drag Loki away like a criminal? You didn’t understand it. There was nothing interesting about it. You were just doing laundry with your husband. You wished everyone else would see that and stop staring.

“Seems we’ve attracted a crowd.” Loki muttered under his breath when you came back to put the fresh laundry in your sack.

“I’m trying my best to ignore them but it is annoying.” you responded. “At least they aren’t lighting torches.”

“Not yet at least.” his gaze went over your shoulder at some of the onlookers and you heard a ripple of whisperings start up again.

“Let’s go home. No need to stay here any longer.”

“Of course.” Loki wrapped an arm around you as you turned to head back home. As quick as the crowd had appeared it soon dispersed when they realized you were leaving. “It will get better.” Loki whispered to you.

“I know. Doesn’t make it good now though.” you retreated back to the safety and privacy of your own home. It wasn’t long after you got in that the rain started to pour.

The sky only grew darker and thunder echoed across the air. With the first clap of thunder you noticed that Loki had tensed. Was he not a fan of storms?

You didn’t think too much on it and went back about your day. Soon enough it was time for you to turn in for bed. The storm had yet to abate, if anything it was only getting stronger. Personally you had always found a certain relief in storms. The chaos of it felt like it was relieving you of your own turmoil. The worst the storm got though, the quieter Loki became.

You laid down for bed and he was still as a plank next to you. “Are you alright?” you asked.

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

“You seem out of sorts. Is it the storm.”

“No. I’m fine. Really.” he turned over. “I am tired though, good night.”

You sighed, realizing you weren’t going to get any answers from him tonight. “Good night.”

You turned over as well and let the patter of rain on your roof lull you into sleep.

---

Darkness.

For so long there was just darkness. It started out vast and unending. Loki was floating in the middle of vast nothingness, as small and insignificant as a mite of dust. He was untethered, floating aimlessly and pointlessly through a void.

Then, the darkness began to constrict. It crept in close, clung to his skin and clogged his throat. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. The unending darkness was plastered against him stealing his breath and his sight.

Finally. Light. Blinding horrible light. All of it moving too fast and making him sick. He wanted to close his eyes but he didn’t want to be cast back into that choking darkness. So he stared into the light as painful as it was.

Then the noise. The scrape and screech of rending metal tore through the silence. The wail of screams like something out of your worst nightmares made real echoing all around him. Deafening noise! He could feel the hot rush of blood slipping down the side of his neck.

Please! Please make it stop! Just kill him already! Anything to make this stop!

A cold cruel laugh broke through the wailing and Loki jolted awake.

He stared straight ahead trying to remember where he was.

“Loki?” a sleepy voice snapped his attention to his side.

You were staring up at him through bleary eyes. “Whats wrong?”

Asgard. He was on Asgard. He was in bed in a little house with his new wife. He was safe.

“Loki?” you sounded more awake, pulling yourself up to sitting. “Loki, what is it? Are you ill? You look pale.”

Sweat poured off of him, dampening the night clothes he wore. Despite it he felt ice cold. You touched a hand to his forehead and your touch was blessedly warm. He leaned into it, sapping whatever warmth he could get from you.

You wrapped your arms around him as he slumped against you. He couldn’t help it. You were the only thing he knew was real at that moment. You didn’t shy away from him and his sweat soaked body.

“Was it a nightmare?” you asked, stroking his back gently.

He nodded, unable to speak.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

No. No he did not. But he also didn’t know if he would have the strength to ever talk about it. And he still owed you the other half of his story. If not now, then he may never.

“It’s not for the faint of heart.” his voice was croaked.

“If you want to talk about it I’ll listen. Faint of heart or not.”

He nodded again and reluctantly pulled out of your comforting embrace. You turned and lighted the candle next to the bed. The storm had calmed down but faint thunder still echoed quietly, getting further the longer the night stretched on.

“I…” he did not even know where to start. “You know how I disappeared after falling into the void the Bifrost made?”

“Yes. You said it was worse than death.”

“That it was.” Loki swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I remember waking up on a slab of stone in the middle of space. Someone had found me and they--”

Screams echoed in his head again. A memory that would not leave.

You took his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. He was not there. He was here with you. He was safe.

“They tortured me. For a year they tortured me.” he said, trying not to think about exactly what they had done to break him. “When I was broken just enough they took this staff and touched it to my chest and told me to conquer Midgard.”

“What do you mean? Who tortured you? What was this staff?”

“The same staff I used. I used it to manipulate the minds of others, forced them to do as I pleased. Forced them to help me conquer Midgard.” He could still remember the joy of it. It was not his joy though. It felt far away from him even then, like he was watching himself do everything without any control of his body.

“Mind control?”

“Yes.”

“You were mind controlled?”

“No--I mean, yes--I…” Loki trailed off, trying to remember what exactly had happened but not wanting to recall it either.

“The staff that you used to control other people was first used on you by these people that tortured you. Yes?”

“Yes, but--”

“But nothing. If you were being controlled by someone else to take over Midgard, how much of it can actually be called your fault then?” you were wide awake now. You had that same look on your face from when you told him that he had indeed been stolen from Jotunheim and not saved.

“No.” Loki didn’t want to believe more. “It had to be me. I could have fought against it. I have a strong mind, I could have--”

“Loki.” you snapped. You cupped his face in your hands. “You were being threatened. These people that had you for that year tortured you until your mind broke. Right? Broke you until you had no other choice because you were too scared to fight back. Then they used some magical staff or something on you. That doesn’t make it your choice. It was not your choice.”

There was something far away in your eyes. “It wasn’t your choice…” your voice caught and Loki knew in an instant that last sentence wasn’t meant for him but for yourself.

The terror that had seized him upon waking melted away and boiled into rage. This shadow figure that was your previous husband conjured up in his mind. It pinned you down and choked your body just as the darkness had done to Loki.

You had never talked about it in detail but from what he had heard of your ex-husband he could imagine well enough what you marriage must have been like. He could assume from there that many things had not been your choice. You had been broken down by your husband and your family for years unable to do anything about it. Just like him. You were both victims in a way. You both endured such horrible things in different ways.

At the end of the day, you were both victims of this cruel and unforgiving world.

“Darling?” the term of endearment fell off his tongue. You looked up at him and wiped the tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Sorry. Don’t mind me. We were talking about you and you need to know that if what you say to me is true it means that what happened on Midgard was not your fault. Odin does not have a leg to stand on with his punishment. It sounds to me that you had been through enough during the year you were gone. More than enough really. Any debt to society you should have paid for letting in the Frost Giants a year ago is more than paid in full.” you spoke quickly, trying to distract him from your own distress.

“You are too kind, my dear wife.” he pulled you close and hugged you tight. “Thank you for your words. They help. They do. But are you alright as well?”

“Yes. Sorry. I don’t meant to get so emotional. I just hate hearing what you went through.”

He wouldn't push it tonight. “I know. But it is passed. They’re only memories now. They may haunt us, but they cannot wound us again.”

“They’re only memories.” you repeated. “Yes. They’re only memories…”

He laid back down with you still tight in his arms. Back and forth you whispered reassurances and soft words of comfort. The nightmare was far from his mind and the horrors that went with it. It was replaced instead with your sleepy voice and warm body pressed to his. “Not our choice.” he whispered as you fell back into your slumber. “It was not our choice.”

Notes:

I think this was our first Loki POV! ....and our boy is kinda going through it. But then again when isn't he?

Chapter 7: Momentary Bliss

Notes:

Happy New Year everyone! Cannot believe another year has already gone by and now we're in 2025. Well, here's to another year and more stories! Hope you all had a wonderful new year and glad I get to spend another year here with you! Love you all!

Chapter Text

Loki had to stop you from trying to storm the palace the next morning. After what you had learned last night you were beyond angry. You had already been irate with Odin for what he had done to Loki before but having the full story now, knowing that what happened on Midgard wasn’t even your husband’s fault, that he had been tortured extensively until his mind broke. You wanted to skin the Allfather alive. It was then that Loki reminded you that you were in no way capable of actually killing Odin and that you would end up dead before you got anywhere near him.

So you grumbled and made breakfast and asked Loki about a dozen more times if he was really okay. He had given you quite the scare last night when he woke up so suddenly. He was already a very pale man but even the healthy pinkish hue to his skin had been sapped from his complexion leaving him bone white.

You didn’t know if these nightmares were likely to continue but you hoped not. He had already been through enough, he didn’t deserve to be tormented in his sleep as well.

“Well, I have to go collect laundry.” you said, hoisting your empty laundry bag over your shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright? I can collect laundry another day.”

“No. Really, I am fine.” Loki assured you for the dozenth time. “I may go out and see if I can find a job again. I’ve regained more energy the past couple of days and if that illusion the other night was any example then I should be able to disguise myself for long periods again.”

“You’re going in disguise to get a job?”

“Well, people aren’t willing to hire me but they may hire someone with a less recognizable face.” he shrugged.

“I wish you luck then, husband dear.” you patted his shoulder.

“And you with your clients. I hope they’re kinder today.”

“Me too.” you took a deep breath. “I will see you later.”

You strode out of the house and made your way to your first stop. You knocked on the door bracing yourself for a cold answer and perhaps something scathing muttered underneath their breath. When they answered they looked at you for a moment and said they had no laundry to give you.

“Oh…” you tried to bite back that they had a family of four children, there was no way they didn’t have laundry in need of doing. “Alright then, maybe next week.”

“That won’t be necessary. I’ve decided to do the laundry myself from now on.” the woman said.

The whole reason she hired you to do the laundry for her was because she had said she was far too busy for such a long task with four small children at home. Unless they were under some financial strain they should have been able to pay you. But you doubted that was the reason she was turning you away.

“If this is about my marriage--”

“No. We just don’t need your services anymore. Farewell.” she said hastily and close the door in your face.

Fuck!

You went from house to house but it was the same. Everyone either said they had no laundry, they had switched washers, were washing it themselves, or the most honest just said they didn’t want you coming around anymore. The most honest was one of the older women you usually got laundry from. She had seen you on her doorstep and immediately lashed out.

“I don’t want you coming around here anymore!” she had snapped at you. “I don’t need your cursed presence into my house!”

“Please, ma’am, I’m not cursed. What you think of my husband--”

“You wed the fallen prince! How could you be anything but cursed? Me and the others don’t want your terrible luck following us! No leave and don’t come back!” she slammed the door in your face. People milling nearby began whispering around you.

When you turned they flinched as if they expected you to raise from the ground and summon a storm of hail. You just sighed and trudged back home. Was there really no one who was willing to overlook your marriage? It wasn’t like you were performing a huge service. It was laundry! Did people think you were going to curse their underwear?

Glad to know you wasted your entire morning for nothing. What were you going to do about money this week? You should have assumed this would happen and bought food more strategically. More grains that you could stretch and less produce and perishables.

You spotted Meya making her own rounds, her sack full of laundry lugged over her shoulder. “Morning,” you walked up to her, “You look busy.”

“Oh yes, same every week.” she looked at your own empty bag. “Getting a late start?”

“No. None of my clients wanted my services.” you huffed, “They’re still convinced that I’m cursed because I married Loki. I don’t know what I’m going to do if this continues.”

“Well, you may not like to hear this but maybe it’s time to look for a different job.”

“What?”

“Listen, you started doing laundry because you were starving and had no other options. It was all you knew how to do and there’s always going to be someone looking for cheap labor. But it’s been years now. You either should have joined a laundry business like where I work or moved onto something new. Something that pays better and consistently.” Meya said, hands on her hips. “I’ve been trying to edge you towards that for a while now but I could never get you to budge. Maybe this is the push you need.”

“But where could I possibly work? Laundry is still all I know how to do and that I know people will pay for. And with my new reputation no one is going to hire me for other services like cleaning. What am I supposed to do?”

“I think you may be surprised.” Meya said, “You have more talent than you think. I mean, I’ve seen you how well you sew when you’re patching clothes. We both know that most of your income came from people wanting you to fix the tears and holes in their garments. Maybe you can find work at a salon as a seamstress. Just something to think about.”

“Maybe…” You still doubted anyone around here would hire you.

“You need to try to be more positive. I know things are bad right now but they’ll come around. I mean, just the other day I heard someone talk about your new husband positively.” Meya said with a smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah, said they saw him helping you do laundry. Made him look less intimidating.”

“That’s good.” it was a small relief to know that some people were letting go of their preconceptions. Would have been nice if at least one of them had been a client of yours.

“Since no one gave you any work, do you need some extra money for this week? I have some saved up if you need it.”

“Oh no, Meya, I couldn’t ask that of you. I’ll be fine. I have my own savings…” It was a terrible lie and Meya knew it. She rolled her eyes and grabbed a couple coins from her bag then debated and grabbed a few more.

“You are taking this and you are not letting yourself starve this week.” she dropped the money into your hands. “You know you can come to me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Meya. I feel like I don’t deserve your kindness most days.”

“You are ridiculous. We’re friends, I’m not going to let you starve.” she linked her arm with yours. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

“Thanks.” you walked home arm in arm. You chatted about life and what you had been up to the past couple of days. You were tempted to tell her about the fake illusion consummation and the spiral you went into over that but figured it was best to not let that circulate. The less people that knew the better.

In a week of marriage you had become incredibly distrustful of others. You didn’t know who would betray anything you said to Odin. You didn’t want to believe Meya would ever do something like that to you but you didn’t want to put that pressure on her either way.

When you got back Loki wasn’t home so you invited her in for a quick cup of tea so you could keep talking. “So, where is he anyway?” Meya asked. “I was kind of looking forward to meeting him.”

“He went out to look for a job.” you took the kettle off the fire.

“Can’t imagine a prince of Asgard, disgraced or not, having to job hunt.”

“Well, he’s not a prince anymore and my salary isn’t enough to keep us both afloat. Especially if my work is in danger of ending.” you poured two cups and handed one to Meya.

“And you two are still good?”

“Yes. I’d say we’re great even. He’s proven very easy to talk to and…we have an understanding.” you took the seat opposite her.

“What understanding is that?” she raised an eyebrow at you, clearly thinking something dirty.

“Not anything like what you’re imagining.” you rolled your eyes. “I mean that our lives are in a delicate place right now. We decided early on that we needed to trust each other in order to survive. That means being honest with each other no matter what.”

“So he knows about your previous marriage?”

“Yes, but more than that, I learned the truth about him.”

“What truth is that?”

“That everyone has him wrong. What happened with the Bifrost and then on Midgard this year, there were extenuating circumstances. I don’t think that he should have been sentenced to death over it knowing what I know now.”

Her brow furrowed. “And what circumstances are these?”

“He…” you didn’t want to tell her about the torture or the fact that he was Jotun. Those were delicate and not yours to share with just anyone. “He had been controlled during the siege of Midgard. Some larger power had found him after he fell through the Bifrost wormhole and used some staff to control his mind. What he did there wasn’t his doing, not willingly at least.”

“He told you this?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re sure he wasn’t lying to make himself look more sympathetic? I know you said that you were trusting each other but he was still the god of mischief. He’s good at deceiving people.”

You remembered the him from last night. The one that was so haunted he felt like he was a million miles away from you even though he was right next to you. You shook your head. “No. I can say with absolute certainty that he wasn’t lying to me.”

It was then that Loki returned. “Oh hello,” he said, eyeing Meya, “I thought you’d still be out gathering laundry.”

“Small hiccup with that actually.” you said. “Loki, this is my friend Meya. Meya, meet Loki.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Meya smiled at him. “Do I still need to call you sire or anything like that?”

“No. That’s not needed.” Loki said, slightly uncomfortable with the new person in the house.

“How’d the job search go?” you asked, hoping to divert his attention.

“Well. I found work at a library. It is amazing how fast someone is willing to hire you when you don’t look like a convict.”

“Funny that. Maybe you could do that with me so I can get my clients back.” you muttered.

“What’s happened?”

“You two look like you have some stuff to talk out. I’ll leave you to it.” Meya stood up and collected her bag. “I still need to finish my rounds anyway. I will speak to you later.”

“See you later.” you waved to her.

Loki took her seat. “What happened with your clients?”

“They…they don’t want my services anymore. They think I’m cursed because I married you. I told Meya and she lent me some money for this week. She also told me to think about finding a new job somewhere. She’s probably right. I should have moved on from being a freelance laundress a long time ago. But you know how it is when you get comfortable with something. I was too scared to stray from what I knew kept me alive.”

“I see. What do you think you’ll do?”

“I have no idea. Meya suggested becoming a seamstress but I’m not sure.” you laid your head on the table. “Why must everything be so fucked?”

“Tis our lot in life.” Loki gave your head a small pat. “How about we go do something? Get away from the town for a while.”

You propped your head back up. “That does sound nice. I think we need it. This week has been nothing but stress. I feel like we haven’t gotten to relax and actually enjoy ourselves at all. I mean, I know this is a marriage of convenience but it is still technically the honeymoon too. We should do something for ourselves.”

“That’s settled then. Let’s head out.”

You packed a basket with some food and left the house. You got quite a few stares as you always did when you left the house with Loki. But as you neared the edge of town and got closer to the wilderness the less prying eyes there were. It felt good. The freedom of knowing you weren’t being watched and could just enjoy your time.

You wandered deeper into the forest just to make sure no one would come upon you and ruin your afternoon and stopped to set up the small picnic you had packed. You laid back in the clearing, enjoying the warmth of summer sun on your skin as birds sang over your heads. Loki laid down next to you and watched the clouds roll by with you.

“Hm,” he smiled, “I haven’t done this in ages.”

“Cloud watch or relax?”

“Both. When I was a child I used to do this all the time with my mother--” he stopped abruptly.

“You can talk about it you know.”

“I…I know. Hard to think about the past without feeling conflicted about it.”

“I understand.” you nudged his side, “You said you did this with the queen?”

“Yes. We’d lay out in the gardens and she’d use her magic to turn the clouds into different shapes.”

“It sounds nice.” you rolled over to look at him. “I know you hate Odin and well you should. But how do you feel about Frigga? Are you angry with her as well?”

“Angry isn’t the right word. Upset maybe. Disappointed, definitely. But not angry.” he rolled to his side too. “She at least tried to fight for my life. I owe her that much.”

“If she could, do you think she’d help us?”

“Maybe. But with Odin breathing down her neck I doubt she’ll try.” Loki’s face twisted. “I know my mother cares for him but I don’t understand how. Even growing up I thought that she always gave more than he did. I mean, there’s only one throne. At any assembly she stands next to him, she doesn’t even get to be seated.

“I made the mistake of arguing why this was. Were our future partners destined to stand next to us and not be seated upon a throne with us? Odin said it was tradition. That there had only ever been one throne. I think he forgets that he built the golden palace. He constructed just one throne. He could have made another for the wife he claims to hold so dear.”

“I never thought of that. Ridiculous what persists in the name of tradition.” you scoffed, “My whole life was dictated by what was ‘traditional.’ It was tradition that a young noble lady be engaged to any man her father deems worthy, regardless of her input. Tradition that a wife must be subservient to her husband. Tradition that if a wife could not bear children you were allowed to cast her aside without guilt or reproach.”

“Some traditions I fear are acts of dominance masked as historical expectation.”

“That is a good way of putting it.” you sighed. “Did you…did you ever think you would marry?”

Loki lifted an eyebrow at you. “What brought that on?”

“We were talking about marriage and expectations and everything. It got me thinking. Gossip is what washer women love to entertain themselves with more than anything, even more than nobles. In all that time I never heard of you courting anyone. So I am curious if marriage was ever something you had thought about having.”

“In complete honesty, no. I had a few interesting partners that garnered my attention for more than a few weeks but they were few and far between. Never saw myself settling down with any of them.”

“Does that mean you never wanted to settle down?”

“I didn’t dislike the idea.” his hand reached for yours, playing with your fingers. “It did not seem like something I’d achieve though. Too many people with too similar personalities and motives.”

“So when I came running up asking you to marry me…?”

He chuckled. “I was shocked. But a part of me thought it was also fitting. Of course I’d end up married at my execution.”

“Not exactly the wedding of dreams, is it?” you laughed as well. “But I’ve gone through the ache and glamour of a big wedding before. None of it was much fun. But then again, I think a lot of that had to do with who the groom was.”

“You need to tell me who this bastard was so I can skin him.” Loki said.

“It’s in the past. Let’s leave it there. I’ve managed to avoid him since our divorce, I intend to keep it that way.”

“Still infuriating that he was allowed to just cast you aside because you couldn’t have kids.”

“It definitely hurt, but at least it got me out.”

“Did you even want kids?”

“I did. I always pictured a life with children. It was the one bright light I had when I first faced the marriage mart. I knew that I would love them with all my heart, if I had nothing else in this life I’d have them. But according to the various healers I saw it is highly unlikely that I’ll ever be able to have kids. Not impossible, but it would be rare.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve made peace with it. What about you? I can only assume since you never had plans to marry that you weren’t too fond of the idea of children.”

“Quite the contrary actually. I always found the idea of being a father appealing.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I had a dream of a whole brood of children, maybe six or more kids.”

“Wow. Why so many?”

“So they’d have lots of siblings to play with.”

You lapsed into silence. Loki laced your hands together. There was a profound sadness in his eyes that you only ever glimpsed when Thor was mentioned. You knew the relationship between the two of them was complicated but they were still brothers. No matter what happened and despite what Loki said, he care for him. You’d even say there was a part of him that missed him though he’d never admit it.

Loki shook off the feeling and directed his gaze back to you. “Before you came running onto that stage to save my life, did you think you’d ever marry again?”

You shrugged. “It was all I was raised for. When my husband left me I was set adrift unaware how to make my way in the world. I had no interest in marrying again. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to learn who I was, what interested me, what I wanted to do with my life now that I wasn’t tied down. Of course, I wasn’t able to do much of that because of how frugally I was living--am living.” you smiled to yourself. “I had so many fanciful dreams though.”

Loki inched closer. “Like what?”

“Like, what if I was meant to be a fighter or a great musician? What if I was actually a scholar and took many trips to faraway places? Maybe I was meant to be a chef or an astronomer or an amazing writer. Sad to say, I haven’t had the opportunity to explore any of it. Too busy trying to keep myself from starving.”

“Then maybe this is the perfect time to revisit those dreams. You said you may have to move on from being a laundress, you could try your hand at some other careers. Who knows, you may surprise yourself. Find a hidden talent or a great love of something you never thought of before.”

“Maybe.” the idea was tempting but you also knew you needed money. “Meya mentioned that I’m very good at sewing. Maybe I can start there?”

“Sounds as good a place as any.”

Was this what a marriage was supposed to be like? Loki, he just listened to you. He genuinely listened to you and encouraged you. You didn’t feel like you were burdening him with your questions. Was this what other couples had? If life had been different, if you had been allowed to actually find love, could this have been what your first marriage would have been like?

If you had been allowed to choose who you wanted to marry you’d probably still be married. And if you were still married you wouldn’t have been able to propose to Loki. He would have died and nothing would have stopped it or changed.

Perhaps this was ordinance. Something more powerful than the gods intervening on your behalf so you’d be right here in this moment. Maybe this was always meant to be.

“Darling?” Loki said, pulling you out of your thoughts. “You got very quiet.”

“Just thinking.” you said, “Although, I do have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Why do you call me darling?”

You noticed the tips of his ears go pink. “Oh, that was--”

“That’s what the illusion said, right? The one that you created of us having sex.”

“Yes, I did have me--he--it say that. I thought a term of endearment would make it more natural.” he cleared his throat. “I suppose I just picked it up. If you’d rather I not call you that though--”

“No. It’s fine. I kind of like it.” you squeezed his hand a little. “We are married. I think we’re allowed a few niceties like that. Should I have something to call you as well? My dear? Honey? Sugar pea?”

He snorted. “Call me whatever you like, darling.”

“You’d allow me to call you any number of embarrassing things?” Already your brain was coming up with the mushiest and dizzyingly saccharine names possible.

“I trust you to keep them in good taste.” he said.

“Oh then you have a lot yet to learn about me, teddy bear.”

He was laughing again. “Well, at the risk of embarrassing myself further--”

“You’re not embarrassing yourself.”

“--do you ever see us being properly married?” he asked in a rush of words.

It was your turn to look flustered. “You mean, do I ever see us having sex?”

“That’s the blunt way of putting it. But yes. I don’t ask to pressure you or anything. I was merely curious. We are bound forever now and I’d hate to have robbed you of an actual marriage and all that comes with it.”

“Well, the illusion you made certainly painted an alluring picture.” you murmured, avoiding looking him in the eye. “I think these are questions that only time will answer. But I am open to the idea.”

You weren’t going to admit how desperate your body had been for him just the other day. Or how you yearned to close the distance between you now and tuck yourself into the curve of his body. It was all too raw and too honest for a relationship of one week. You were connected though. You knew that much. There was something here, you just needed time to see what it grew into before deciding exactly what it was.

You spent the rest of the day chatting and walking through the forest enjoying each other’s company. You had needed this. It felt amazing to unwind and not have to worry about anything for once.

It was dark when you finally returned to town. You stumbled down the dark streets, barely able to see where you were going. You tripped over something as you got closer to your house and Loki caught you. “Be careful where you step, darling.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, honey pie.” you giggled.

He pulled you into the house with a roll of his eyes. “I fear I’ve created a monster.”

Chapter 8: All That Matters

Notes:

Heyo! Sorry for not getting to comments last chapter it's been super busy my way cause I live on the side of America where everyone is freezing! Power already went out once and that's really not good considering I'm an online student and classes start again Monday.

Also, my love and prayers go out to everyone in California right now who is being affected by the fires. Stay safe out there! Love ya!

Chapter Text

Yesterday had been the boost you needed after such a difficult week. It felt so much longer. But you had gotten through it. One day at a time you would get through it until life got better. Maybe if you could have more days like that you could relax again.

You were cuddled in bed, Loki spooned around you as you pretended to be asleep again. “You know,” Loki said, “One of us is going to have to move eventually.”

“Five more minutes.” you muttered, “Too cozy.”

“Alright, five minutes. Not like we have anywhere to be today.” he held you a bit tighter.

The next five minutes passed too quickly and Loki startled you out of the bed by pressing a freezing cold hand to the small of your back. “Ah!” you bolted up and away from him. “You ass! That wasn’t funny!”

“It was the only way I could convince you to get up.” he said, rolling out of bed after you. “Breakfast?”

Loki left and you started getting changed. Now, you didn’t have any work to get ready for but that just meant you’d have to start your job search. Your hopes weren’t high but if you did find something it would be a pleasant surprise. When your expectations are low any good news is great.

You ate breakfast with Loki and told him you were going to go scout for seamstress jobs on the far side of town, possibly into the upper city since everyone in the lower city had pretty fixed opinions of you. An upper city job would pay better anyway than anything down here.

He was starting his first day at the library so you’d both be busy. You dressed as nicely as you could and took in a deep breath. You could do this. Not everyone on Asgard knew your face. You’d find work.

You went from one shop to the next but either the place you went wasn’t hiring or they weren’t impressed with your skills. Even when you explained you were looking for menial seamstress work they still turned you away. If no one on the outskirts of the city was willing to take you what hope was there for people in the upper city?

You had to keep trying at least. You had been pushed down enough, not just this past week but really your whole life. Your whole life you had been told who you were and what was expected of you. Not allowed to make your own choices. Now you had the chance to do something for yourself on your own terms.

You would find a job that paid you well and didn’t look down on you. You had to. But not today. Running around had made you ragged and you didn’t want to walk into any of the clothing salons in the upper city looking a mess. So maybe tomorrow.

You returned home and started cooking dinner by the time Loki also returned. “How was your first day as a working man?” you asked.

“Fine. Mostly went through getting me acquainted with their filing system.” he said. “And you? How did the job search go?”

“Not so great. But I got turned away for reasons not relating to being married to you so I call it progress. I’m probably going to go back out tomorrow and try salons in the upper city. One of them has to be looking for a seamstress.” you flipped the chicken in the pan. “I think things may actually be turning around for us.”

“That is great to hear.”

The rest of the week you went from salon to salon looking for work. You didn’t want to try too many of the salons in the upper city in a single day in case word got back to them about you. But finally you found a tailor that was willing to hire you. It was menial work but it was work at least. You wouldn’t starve so long as no one found out who you were.

When you got the job you had decided to celebrate by stopping by a bakery and buying something sweet to take home. You would have more money coming in so you weren’t worried about splurging just this once. After such a stressful time it was great to have a win under your belt.

Loki was surprised to find the little cake you had bought sitting out when he came home. “What is this? Meya drop off a cake?”

“Nope.” you were beaming. “I bought it. I thought we could celebrate.”

“You got a seamstress job?”

“Yes I did!”

“That’s great, darling. I’m happy for you.” he smiled.

“And today also marks two weeks since we got married. It may seem trivial to celebrate a weekly anniversary but considering how hectic everything has been I thought we deserved it. It’s made with fresh strawberries.” Just looking at the cake had you salivating.

“What if we have dessert first tonight? No one to tell us we can’t.” he grinned.

“I like your thinking.” you grabbed a pair of forks and plates from kitchen and cut the cake into two even slices. Biting into the cake was heavenly. You hadn’t been able to have something this nice in forever. The fresh strawberries, the moist cake, the decadent cream it was frosted in…

“Mmm!” you let out an audible hum of pleasure as the cake hit your tongue. “It may be the fact that I haven’t had a proper cake in years but I think this is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

“It is rather good. Since we’re both working maybe we can indulge in this kind of thing more often.” Loki said.

“That’d be nice.” you held up a forkful of cake as if you were giving a toast, “To not being unemployed.”

Loki did the same, “And to our two week anniversary.”

You bumped your piece of cake against his. He kept his fork extended toward you and a small blush of heat crept up your neck when you realized what he intended. You held out your own fork as you leaned closer. It was a bit of a game trying to feed each other while also trying to focus on the fork coming at your face.

A small laugh escaped you as you bit down, a bit of cream getting on your nose. You were giggling too much to keep your fork straight so Loki ended up grabbing your wrist to steady your hand. The heat that had been crawling up your neck had spread up to your ears. Loki regarded you, his thumb brushing the inner side of your wrist when--

CRASH!

You both jumped as your window was shattered. Immediately Loki was on his feet, some reflective bubble had formed around you and Loki was holding a dagger you hadn’t seen before. On the floor was a large rock with a note tied onto it.

Before you could reach for the rock Loki ripped the note off and charged back out of the house, dropping the rock in the dirt and using his magic to repair the window. Whoever had thrown it he couldn’t tell and so he returned inside.

“Are you alright? Any glass knick you?” he asked.

“No. I’m fine.” you stood up, shaken. “What was that?”

Loki looked at the note. “Kill the traitor.” he scoffed. “Someone is feeling very bold.”

“What? Seriously?” you looked at the note. It was hastily scrawled but that is what it said. Kill the traitor. “I thought things were getting better. Meya said more people were coming around to you. Who did this?”

“One of the many that still hate me despite not knowing me.” Loki threw the note into the fire. “Do not concern yourself with them.”

“Don’t concern myself? They threw a rock through my window! It could have hit one of us, not to mention the glass. It could have just as well have been a torch.” A sense of horror began to encroach on you. “And what’s stopping them? This could only get worse. They could set our house on fire in the middle of the night while we are sleeping or demolish it while we are out working. Who is to stop them?”

“Hush now,” Loki tried to ease you. “This was one incident done by some coward trying to intimidate us. But it will not work. We are strong, remember? Survivors. We will overcome this like everything else.”

“Is it too late to pack up and move into the wilderness?”

“We’ll keep that as a backup plan if things get worse.” Loki said.

You were still badly shaken by the encounter and Loki took your hand. “Do you need anything? Anything at all?”

You limply held out your arms. He pulled you in, hugging you tight. “It will be alright. I promise, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

The next couple of weeks were an absolute nightmare. Every day there was some new horrible act. First was the rock through the window, then the next day runes to seal evil within something had been painted all over your house. Loki found you trying in vain to scrub them off before he realized they were there. Another day piles of refuse had been piled up outside your door. Each time the same note had been left. Kill the traitor.

All of this hate was starting to really wear down on you. You were scared all the time now. You feared every day when you left for work in the upper city that you’d return home to nothing but a pile of ash. Loki was doing his best to minimize the damage. He had created a border around the house that should protect it from damage and intruders but because his magic was still weak he had to recharge it every day to keep it up. You knew it was taking a lot out of him. Magic was like a muscle, he had said, until he could build it back up the feats that had once been easy for him would take more work.

It was upsetting but you were enduring. Loki was keeping a surprisingly cool head about it. You supposed it took a lot to actually surprise him.

Then everything came to a head one morning. You were in bed still, the both of you laying side by side as you talked. Neither of you had work that day and you were taking it easy, sleeping in and staying comfy. He was entertaining you by creating little illusions in his palm. You watched as he created a small frog that hopped around the bedroom. Then, out of the corner of your eye you spotted something flickering outside the window.

Loki looked to see where your gaze had gone. “What in the world?” he swung out of bed and went to the door that led out to the back yard. “Fucking Hel!” he shouted when he grabbed the handle.

You pushed aside the curtains and saw that there was a fire raging in your yard, burning up the few plants that you had grown out there. It was pressed right against the house!

Loki pulled open the door and sent an icy blast across the fire that licked at the house and ravaged the yard. Once the fire was out he slammed the door shut again and invoked the spell to strengthen the enchantment he had put around the house. That had most likely been why the fire touched the house but didn’t actually burn it. The yard didn’t have such a protection.

You kept staring at your yard, now nothing but burnt grass and charcoaled planters. “Do these people not have any better use of their time than to harass us? We are not hurting anyone. Why can they not just leave us be!” you huffed, snapping the curtains closed again.

Loki was still standing in front of the door, his breathing harsh and his face twisted in a snarl. “Loki?” your eyes drifted to his hands. They had turned blue when he sent out that blast and were slowly receding back into his normal skin tone.

“I have had enough. They have taken this too far.” Loki growled. He grabbed a shirt and his shoes and stormed out of the house.

“Damn it all!” you pulled on your dressing gown and boots and followed after him. “Loki! What are you doing?”

“A month we have lived here and a month they have had to come to terms with my presence and yet someone keeps doing these things. I will not stand for it any longer.” he kept charging on.

You made it to the center of the town square. On a gorgeous late morning like this everyone was out and about. Anyone in Loki’s path practically leapt out of the way as he marched toward the center of all the activity. There was a statue in the center of the square of one of the ancestors that ruled before Odin that Loki used to boost himself up into plain view of everyone else.

Oh gods above, what was he doing?

“Attention!” he shouted and everyone turned to see who had spoken, then froze when they saw Loki. “I know you know who I am. I know what you have heard and what you think of me. I know you do not trust me. A god of mischief. The fallen prince. You would prefer if I had died because you fear me. Maybe some of you think that you can rid me of your town by sending threatening messages to my home and trying to destroy it. To intimidate me. But it will not work.”

The crowd murmured amongst themselves but it was all just buzzing in your ears as you stared up at Loki. He continued on. “Now listen to what I say now because I will not repeat it. You may hate me. You are allowed to hate me. I do not seek your acceptance or your approval. But when you come for me you are harming another. You harm one of your own, an innocent. A woman that is far too kind for her own good, but I suppose you would rather call her insane. Insane for choosing to save me, to welcome me into her home.”

His gaze fell to you, even now you were right by his side. His gaze softened. “You may choose to think whatever you will of me, but do not punish her for it. The only curse she bears is having an open and caring heart.”

He snapped his attention back to the villagers. “If you were just hurting me I would not care. But you threaten the safety of my wife as well. That I will not tolerate. So, if you continue to harass her, threaten her, try to take away what she has rightfully built for herself, you will answer to me. And trust me, I will not be as kind as I am being right now.”

“Loki, please!” you pulled on his pantleg. “It’s not worth it.”

He jumped down. “No. When I became your husband I was bound to you. You are all that I have in this life now and you have everything that I am to protect you. I will not see you suffer because of me. Not anymore.”

Tears were leaking out of your eyes. He cupped your face and brushed them away. “We will figure it out. I promise.” you whispered, your voice hoarse. “Now please, let us go home.”

He nodded. To your surprise he pulled you closer, pressing a brief kiss to your forehead. “Let us go home then.” he wrapped an arm around you, shielding you from everyone as you walked back home.

You had been so focused on Loki you hadn’t even bothered looking at how the crowd reacted. You knew they were shocked. Maybe some were moved. Others probably only had their anger justified even more. That wasn’t what mattered to you right now.

You made it back to the house and Loki released you. “I apologize if my actions upset you back there. But I could not stand by and--oof!”

The wind was knocked out of him as you tackled him in a hug. You were sobbing into his chest, unable to stop.

“Darling?” he rubbed your back, “What is this? What’s wrong?”

“You…” you took in a shaky breath, “You have no idea what that meant to me. No one has ever defended my like that before. What you did, what you said, it was overwhelming.”

You tilted your head up to look at him. “I do not know how anyone could ever think bad of you when you actually have such a caring heart.”

“Only for what I already care about.” he said.

“And that’s me?”

“I would have thought that was obvious.” he pressed his forehead to yours, “In this entire universe, the only person that I have been completely honest with is you. The only person that I feel I can trust is you. You who saved my life. You who sought to understand and embrace me no matter what horrors I told you. You are the only thing that I care about in this world and I will do whatever is needed to protect you. I do not care if takes every ounce of my magic to do so. I will not see you harmed for the simple act of being kind.”

You were sobbing again. “You have done such a good job of taking care of yourself and of me. Let me repay the favor. For once, it’s your turn to be taken care of. Let me do that for you. Let me do something right for once.”

You hugged him tighter, nails digging into his back, trying to pull him as close as you possibly could. Ugly sobs hiccuping past your lips as if you were a child. He did not let you go. He stayed in that moment with you, holding you just as tightly. “I’m here. For better or worse I will always be here.” he whispered to you. “I promise, I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Chapter 9: A Sour Aftertaste

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“That was certainly something the other day.”

You and Meya were going around doing your grocery shopping for the week. You had been a bit scared to go alone but Meya said she’d accompany you since Loki was still working. You also think she agreed just so she could hear about what brought on Loki’s speech yesterday morning.

“Tell me about it.” you felt your face heating up. “There is a part of me that still can’t believe that he did all of that.”

“If we know anything we know that he genuinely does care about your well-being.” Meya said. “You going to tell me what brought all that on?”

“Someone tried to set the house on fire.”

“Are you serious?”

“Unfortunately. I don’t get it. I thought things would get better not worse. Do you have any idea who may be doing this? Someone who has been extra vocal about their hate of Loki?”

“Sorry to say but I don’t have a clue. I’ve heard people talking about the stuff that had been happening to your house, a lot of people were actually pretty sympathetic about it. If it wasn’t for this assailant I would have guessed that things had been looking up for you guys too.”

“It is infuriating. Every time something happened we’d try to find whoever did it but no matter how quick we were to respond there was no one around to easily pin as the guilty party.” you sighed. “I don’t know what else we can do. They already set fire to the yard. I don’t know what else they may end up trying.”

“I wish there was more that I could do.” Meya patted your shoulder.

“Just knowing that you’re on our side is already a huge help. You have no idea how much your support means. I think anyone else would have cut ties with me the second I married Loki.”

“Your life is a mess and a half. If I didn’t leave you when you were still in your noble lady mentality with no clue how to cook for yourself I’m not leaving you now. Besides, this friendship ensures I get first crack at the gossip.” Meya flashed you a cheeky grin. You knocked your hip against hers.

“You are terrible.”

Thankfully, Meya’s assessment that more and more people were coming around on you and Loki was correct. Vendors were being more kindly to you and people had even started engaging in small talk with you again. It was small progress but you weren’t about to turn up your nose at it. Maybe all you really did need was time. This person or persons who were harassing your home were an anomaly. Those that hated you sneered and muttered and sometimes yelled if they were bold enough but none of them you could see resorting to burning down your house. Whoever it was they were not the entire village and you would get through this. They’d have to get bored at some point and give up when they realized their threats did nothing.

You returned home in better spirits. Thankfully nothing had been done to the house while you were gone which was a relief. You started putting things away. You had gone a bit overboard with the groceries but because autumn was starting that meant that all the vendors had an excess of produce that they were selling for cheap. So you were able to get a lot without spending too much more than what you usually did.

You had time before Loki came back and it was a cool enough day. You were going to bake something with the apples you had bought. You decided on a simple apple crisp. It was easy to make and delicious. By the time Loki came home the entire house smelled like hot apples and cinnamon sugar.

“What smells so delectable in here?” he asked.

“Apple crisp. I bought a lot of apples at the market today so I thought I’d make something sweet. Usually when autumn rolls around I just make a single baked apple full of butter, cinnamon and oats but I felt like making something a little more since we had the funds.”

“Speaking of funds,” Loki said, dropping his latest pay on the table. “I had an idea for something we could do.”

“What’s that?”

“The autumn market. I remember you saying you haven’t been there in years since you were so busy. Well, your salon is closed the that day and we have extra funds. Why not indulge ourselves?”

“Really? We can actually go!”

“Yes. Does this make you happy?”

“Of course it does! I cannot believe I’m actually going to be able to go back after so long! We’re going to have so much fun!”

The day of the autumn festival you were practically skipping down the streets. Loki trailed behind you watching your excitement as you got closer and closer. It was the perfect autumn day. The trees were in that perfect spot between seasons where they were full of orange and red and yellow leaves. The air was crisp but on the wind you could smell spiced apple cider and sweet baked goods of chocolate and pumpkin.

The market opened up before you and it was just as you remembered it as a kid. People bustled to and fro, there were food carts at every turn, vendors selling toys and clothes and other crafts. Children sat around a small stage watching a puppet show and laughing uproariously as the one puppet hit the other with a little bat.

It was joyful. That was all you could think of. Every inch of the market you just felt sheer joy.

Loki came up behind you. “This certainly looks lively.”

“It’s perfect.” your smile hurt your cheeks you were smiling so wide. “Come on. Let’s go browse the vendors.” You grabbed Loki by the hand and tugged him along to the closest vendor.

To your surprise and relief not too many people even batted an eye at Loki. They showed you products they made and you haggled down prices for things you really wanted. Your bellies were full of different treats that you had bought as you walked around.

There was a band playing at the opposite side of the market. People danced around across the cobbled stones. You stood by, watching and clapping in time with the band. There was a part of you that wanted to go out and dance too but it had been years since you properly danced. What if you had forgotten how? Best to not embarrass yourself.

As the song ended you turned to leave but Loki didn’t budge. “Loki? Did you want to stay and watch more?” you asked.

“I was going to ask you the same thing before you tried to leave.” he said. “You were looking at the dancers so enviously I thought you wanted to join them.”

“Oh no. I mean, I thought about it but I haven’t danced in years. I wouldn’t want to make a fool of myself.” You didn’t think you had been that obvious. Then again, Loki always seemed to be able to read you as easily as an open book.

“Funny thing about dancing, whether you realize it or not, the moves stick in your head.” he gave your hand a tug. “Should we test that theory?”

“You want to dance with me?” you squeaked out. You cleared your throat and spoke again. “I mean, I didn’t take you for the dancing sort.”

“I guess we’re still learning a lot about each other.” he pulled you again, “Dance with me.”

“Oh alright.” you let him pull you into the clearing the crowd had made for the dancers. “If this is a disaster I’m blaming you though.”

“Have a little faith in me, darling. Do you think I’d let you look bad?” he smirked at you. He knew that when he called you darling it got you all flustered. If he had been trying to reassure you it had done the opposite. Yet, you couldn’t think of a reason to run away from this.

You took to the floor as the song began and while you fumbled at first, years of lessons kicked back in. It really was as he said. Once you started it was like you hadn’t stopped. You weren’t as perfect as you may have been when you were a fresh faced debutante but you moved much easier than you imagined you would. Part of that had to be Loki though. Sometimes you forgot that he had been a prince. He would have had to have taken lessons in etiquette and dance too when he was young.

You could just picture a young Loki at his first dance lesson, fumbling through his steps. Maybe he was a little flustered dancing with a girl for the first time. It was hard to think that the man before you ever got embarrassed but when he was a teenager maybe it was a different story.

It seemed the more time you spent with Loki the more you wanted to learn about him. He rarely ever talked about his childhood and you understood why. But you still couldn’t help being curious. You wanted to hear about what he was like as a child and a teen. You knew how Odin had always favored Thor and how that drew a wedge between them as it boiled into resentment. You knew all the horrible things that he had felt and endured. But he rarely ever let you know the happy moments.

It was like he was ashamed of ever being happy with them. It tore you up inside to think about.

Your expression must have dropped because when you came back to the moment his brow was furrowed as he stared at you. “What?”

“You went somewhere just now. Care to let me know what’s going on in that mind of yours? Are you worrying yourself into knots again?” he asked.

“No. I was just imagining.”

“Imagining what?”

“What a teenage Loki must have been like taking dance lessons.” you said with a chuckle.

“He was an amazing dancer from the start. Didn’t even need lessons.” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “You expect me to believe that?”

“You have no one to ask to make sure I’m not lying, so yes.” he grinned in that mischievous way of his. To others his rueful little smirks may have been disconcerting but you saw them for what they really were. Playful and teasing smiles that he used purposefully to get under people’s skin.

The song concluded and you left the dance floor, your head still spinning a bit from all the movement. The dance made you build up an appetite and you stopped when you passed a fried dough place. The dough was twisted like a rope with and rolled in cinnamon, sugar, and bits of chocolate shavings that melted against the warm dough.

It was still really hot to hold so Loki took it since he could combat that heat with his natural Jotun iciness. He pulled off a chunk from the dough twist and held it out for you. You reached to grab it but he held it up above his head. “Hey! What’s the big idea? I thought you were offering me some!” you tried to jump and grab it but he was too damn tall!

“I was offering it but you were trying to be handsy with it.” he said, watching in amusement as you tried in vain to reach.

“How else am I supposed to take it?” you huffed, finally stopping your jumping when it became apparent you weren’t going to be able to reach.

“How else do you think?” he held the piece of dough out again, right at the level of your face.

Your face burned as you realized what he meant. “Loki, we are in public.” you whispered harshly at him.

“And? You had no objection to me feeding you before.”

“That was off a fork and in the privacy of our home.”

“Well too bad then, cause the only way you’re getting a bite is if you let me feed it to you.”

“You’re an ass.”

“Yes. Now do you want the food or not? It’s only going to get colder the longer you wait.”

“This is coercion and you should be ashamed.” You opened your mouth slightly to accept the dough as he fed it to you. It was so delicious though! The sweet flavors melted on your tongue and the dough warmed your belly.

To Hel with it. People were going to think whatever they wanted. Nothing to do about it. You tore off a chunk of the dough and held it out to him. “Your turn.”

His eyes lighted in amusement. “Well, unlike you I don’t intend on fighting you about it.” he bent closer so you could easily reach his face. Loki might not have been embarrassed but you could feel your resolve waver a second as you regarded the many faces walking around you.

You passed the dough into his mouth and accidentally brushed your finger against his lips. You froze, your hand hovering in front of his face. His lips were softer than you had expected. The only time you had felt his lips was the chaste kiss he had left on your forehead the day he confronted the town about how badly you were being treated.

Loki looked down at your hand, cupping it gently. “You have sugar on your fingertips.” he said softly. He brought your hands back to his lips, kissing the remaining sugar off each fingertip.

Your whole body was alighted in heat now, but it wasn’t embarrassment. It was warm and it tingled at the edges like your brain after a glass too much of wine. You gravitated closer, drawn in by the simple intimacy. His eyes drifted down your face. “And sugar on your lips too…”

Perhaps it was the atmosphere or the endorphins from dancing. Maybe it was the years of loneliness coming down on both of you at the same time. But you didn’t even think to try and stop him as his face inched closer to yours.

“Well, if this isn’t the surprise of an age.” A loud voice broke the spell you had been under. Loki sensed the change in you immediately stopping short of your lips as you froze and your heart rate spiked.

No. Please gods above no!

You didn’t even want to turn around but you knew he wasn’t going anywhere if you ignored him or not. You turned and saw an admittedly handsome older man but while his face may have been chiseled the creases in his brow and the cold sharp glare of his eyes exuded cruelty. He was with a younger woman, beautiful in a haughty sort of way. She probably wouldn’t have looked half as glamorous if she wasn’t bedecked in jewels and fine silk. Holding onto her hand was a small child that was a perfect mix of the both of them, yet far more innocent than either.

Behind you with a mocking smile was the man that had ruined your life. Your ex-husband, Audor. “I thought I had recognized you two.” he said, “I had heard about someone matching your description that saved the fallen prince from execution. I did not dare to think it actually was you. I did not think you could sink any lower but here you are with a shovel.”

Loki kept you pressed against him, an arm around you guardingly. “How dare you--” he began to snarl.

“Loki.” You said, holding a hand up to stop him. “Do not bother with this thing. He is not worth it. Just tell me what you want, Audor.”

“Why would I want anything from you?” he scoffed. “I was just passing by and decided to make conversation with a fallen former acquaintance.”

“You aren’t making conversation, you’re just insulting me.” you snapped. “Didn’t you do enough of that during our marriage?”

You felt Loki tense up at the word ‘marriage.’

“The only one that was ever insulted during our marriage was me when you failed to produce--”

“--produce a single child. Your sole purpose in life.” you said along with him, having heard this far too many times before from him. “Got anything new to try and belittle me with?”

“You were a humiliation to my name and the name of your parents. Did you even realize that? How degrading it was having to parade my barren wife around during events? Listening to people ask when we were going to have an heir?”

“Could be not more humiliating than the person you married cheating on you and getting his bitch mistress pregnant,” your gaze snapped to the woman on his arm, “and then leaving your wife to possibly die in the streets.”

“I granted you a mercy. Was it not I that let you stay in my home until winter was over so you didn’t freeze to death?” Audor was getting angrier. Before that may have scared you but his intimidation didn’t work the same as it did when you were thoughtlessly subservient. You had been put through Hel and you were not going to waver now.

“Only after you made me beg.” you growled at him.

“You should remember that I didn’t have to do anything.” he let go of the woman, stepping closer to you. “I could have thrown your ass out into a blizzard that very night and no one would have given two shits that you were gone. In fact, it probably would have been easier on everyone if you had died. Would have saved you and your family the embarrassment at least.” He continued to raise his voice until he was almost shouting.

Your hands itched to strike him but you were tugged back before you could.

“That is it!” Loki barked, turning you away from Audor. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I wanted to let you handle this because it is your demon but I cannot stand by and let this bastard keep talking to you like that.”

“Loki--”

Loki turned back to face your ex-husband. “Just because he was an idiot that could not appreciate the kind-hearted woman that he had as his wife does not mean that he can continue to insult you.” Loki glared hard at the man and you saw Audor visibly be taken aback. “Listen well. She is my wife now. If you insult her then you insult me and that will be a much different conversation, I assure you.”

Audor collected himself again. “Are you threatening me? You are a prince no more. I outrank you now.” his chest puffed up, “I could have you arrested for this alone. The gods know that the Allfather is probably itching for the chance to finally be rid of you.”

“Trust me, I know.” Loki bit back. “Prince or not I am still a god.”

“You were stripped of your title.”

“A god lives on in the people. Just because Odin told the people to stop revering me as such does not mean that everyone did. There are people on Midgard that still worship me.” Loki let magic twist around him, “So perhaps it is you that should speak more carefully. You wouldn’t want to incur a god’s wrath, would you?”

Audor was being pulled back by his new wife who was obviously more intimidated by what as happening than her idiot husband who was still trying to get the last word in.

“At least there is some good of you marrying her.” Audor said. “Everyone can rest easy knowing that your line will end with you.” Audor was looking at Loki but you knew that comment was meant for you. As he was pulled away by his wife he sent a withering glance at you that made your stomach churn.

Loki muttered something under his breath and a shot of magic hit Audor in the back as he left. “What did you do?” you hissed at Loki as they finally disappeared.

“A simple spell. For the next several hours he is going to be having a very intense and painful bout of diarrhea.” Loki said proudly. The self satisfied smirk fell away when he looked at you though. “Darling?”

“I won’t say you were wrong for doing that but it was unnecessary to waste the effort on him.” you crossed your arms over your chest. You felt itchy and jittery and slightly nauseous as memories you had buried deep down in your brain began bubbling up to the surface.

“It was not enough. I would have cut out his tongue and shoved it up his ass for everything he said to you. I have to admit, I’m fighting the urge to run after him and beat him bloody.”

“Trust me,” you muttered, “It is taking every ounce of my self control to not let you do just that.”

The people around you had stopped to watch the exchange and you felt their gazes now. They were hot and judgemental and suddenly you were a new bride standing before a large congregation whispering about your infertility again. You swallowed back the nausea that made your guts churn and your skin sweat.

“I want to go home now.” you said, your hands balled into fists.

“Of course. It’s getting late anyway. But are you alright though?” he whispered. “Truthfully?”

The lie waited on your tongue, so ready to tell him you were just fine. But you had promised each other honesty in this marriage. You shook your head. “Take me home first. Please. I don’t want these people to see me cry.”

“They won’t. I promise.” Loki kept a firm grip around you as he guided you towards home again.

Notes:

I feel bad that I keep fucking these two over. I really do. One of these days they'll just have a good time without getting shafted at the end I promise!

Chapter 10: Just a Memory

Notes:

Trigger Warning: Depictions of past abuse and miscarriage

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Quickly after getting away from the prying eyes of the public your demeanor changed. Loki was no longer leading you away but you had broken off and were charging down the streets, tears streaming down your face but there was a hard set anger in your eyes.

Everything in Loki wanted to charge back to that market and beat your ex-husband into a bloody pulp for making you upset. Up until he showed up you had been having such a great time. There was a mirth and joy in your face that he had only glimpsed fleetingly. You were having a moment of unbounded happiness and Loki realized while he was watching you that he would do anything to keep you smiling like that. Dancing with you, buying little trinkets you wanted, feeding you…

Stars above, that moment when you decided to playfully feed him Loki lost himself a little bit. A feeling he had not felt before crept up and all he wanted to do was lean closer and kiss you. Kiss the sugar right off your lips and chase the sweetness of your tongue with his own.

Loki couldn’t deny that you were attractive. You were a beautiful woman and he had taken great care in memorizing every inch of your naked body when you had to show him it for the consummation illusion. Wanting to sleep with you was something he had expected to desire but everything else he didn’t see coming. Just wanting to kiss you and hold you and make you smile. He had never before been so invested in another person’s happiness as he was with yours. Could he somehow, even just possibly, make you happy? He wanted to try.

Then that bastard had come in and ruined everything. You were upset and hurt and Loki didn’t know how to make it right again.

When you got home you slammed the door behind you and angrily went about doing chores. Loki had noticed that when you were upset you opted to make yourself busy, even if there was nothing that really needed done, you found something.

He watched you for a minute go about scouring the big pot you had left to soak earlier that morning and sighed. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Talk about what?” you muttered, scrubbing the pot harder.

“You know what.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We ran into my piece of shit ex-husband and he was just as big an asshole as he was when we were married. That’s it.”

“I know. But he also said some hurtful things. If you wish to talk about it--”

“You know what really pisses me off?” you interrupted him, throwing the pot down into the sink. “That fucker acts like he did me some great favor by not kicking me out into the cold winter streets to die. That’s when it all happened. It was the dead of winter, it was freezing, there was at least two feet of snow covering every surface, and that bastard wants to act like he did something so kind by letting me stay in my own fucking house!” you fumed.

“We weren’t even divorced at that point. Do you want to know what that asshole made me do? He made me beg. Not just plead or anything. Oh no. He had to take away every last shred of dignity I had. I had to kneel on the floor, my face pressed to the ground and beg him to let me stay the few more weeks till spring. Then, he sent me to live in the servant’s quarters and I got put to work as a maid. I had no skills so I was put into laundry mending clothes and folding things. I had to scrub the stains of my husband and his whore out of my own fucking trousseau! Linens that I had spent hours and days embroidering with darling little flowers and birds and other cute pretty things and my still legal husband was fucking his mistress in them!”

Fuck. What had happened to you was far worse than Loki had imagined.

Your frustration was starting to fizz and fade as you came to the end of your rant. “Before spring came I had been secretly stealing away my own jewelry from the bedroom and hiding it so I could pawn them off later. My final night in that house I took my trousseau and tossed it into the fire. I had managed to avoid seeing him again until today.”

Hearing your account only made Loki’s rage boil over. “Say you want it and I will steal into his house this very night and kill him. I can make myself invisible. No one would even know I was there.”

You scoffed, clearly thinking he was joking until you looked him in the eyes. “No. You’re not killing anyone.”

“He debased you, disgraced and betrayed you. Even after being free of him he still finds a way to humiliate and hurt you. How can you not want him to burn?”

“Because it would not change anything!” you snapped, “I would still be where I am now and if I let you do this then there is a chance that you could end up being caught and executed. After everything we have been through I refuse to lose you like that. No matter how badly Audor wronged me and no matter how much I want him to suffer for what he did to me, I am trying to keep my eyes on the future. Looking into my past has only ever hurt me. At least the future holds the possibility of better days. Let us focus on that.”

“If there is anything more I could do for you…”

“Loki,” you gave him a smile, “You banished my lonely days. You have stood up for me time and again. In these past weeks with you I have been shown more kindness and consideration than I ever received in the years I was married to that worm. You treat me as an equal and I will always treasure that.”

“The fact that someone as wretched as me is worthy of such praise truly shows how awful your life must have been before I dropped into it.”

“You’re not wretched.” you leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you ended up as my husband.”

Oh. Loki stood there for a moment dumbfounded as you went back to cleaning. His cheek where you had kissed him felt like it had been burned. With one simple gesture you had branded him as your own and Loki didn’t know what to do about it. He wanted to take you back out in front of the whole of Asgard and marry you again but this time saving his own life had nothing to do with it.

He wanted to do something for you. He had to do something for you.

You had done so much and he needed to do something that would repay you everything that you had done. Even now, when you were so clearly upset you reached out to comfort him.

“Darling,” Loki walked up to you, “You know I would do anything for you and it isn’t just because I owe you my life. I genuinely would do anything for you.”

“And I appreciate that Loki. I really do.” your smile had returned but it didn’t quite reach your eyes.

You didn’t ask for anything, you never did. But Loki thought of something he could give you that would hopefully make you feel better. He just had to be careful about it.

That evening he waited until you were fast asleep before slipping out of bed. Summoning his magic he made himself invisible to the naked eye and went out to the streets. He wandered down the streets for some time until he came to the upper city where most of the nobility lived. He passed each estate until he found the one he was looking for.

Getting into your ex-husband’s house was not the hard part. It was slightly trickier keeping up his concentration on the invisibility spell while also casting a sleep spell over the inhabitants of the house. He was straining himself already but at least with everyone asleep this next part could go by easier.

Loki searched the rooms of the house until he found where Audor and his new wife slept. Loki went in and grabbed Audor by the ankle, ripping him out of the bed. His head hit the ground with a solid thud and he woke up.

“What is--what--help!” Audor screamed. “Help! Someone help!”

“No one can hear you.” Loki said as he dragged him out of the room. “They’re all under a powerful sleep spell. No one is going to wake up until it wears off.”

“You!” Audor recognized Loki and started thrashing again. “You cannot do this! You will hang for this!”

“Only if you remember that it happened.” Loki tossed him to the floor. “You do not have to worry about me taking your life. I promised my wife that I wouldn’t kill you but I am still going to make you suffer for humiliating her.”

“You’re insane!”

“No. I’ve never been more sane I think.” Loki’s shadows extended from him and pinned Audor to the ground. “Do you see what I meant now about angering a god? Just because Odin took my title doesn’t mean that I am powerless. I am a god, a warrior, and I am not in the habit of forgiveness.”

Loki grabbed his head, “And you are going to forget everything about my wife.”

Diving into memories was a delicate process. Going into someone’s mind was always something that needed to be done with care lest you damage their brain. Loki had no such worries when tearing through Audor’s head.

Ripping away memories was not the hard part of this business. The hard part was looking for them. Memories are given through the person’s eyes so when you find them you see them as that person did. And as Loki sifted through this man’s memories of every instance that concerned you he felt sicker and sicker.

He knew that you had not been treated well by this man. Loki knew that you had undergone some kind of abuse but to see it all laid out before him like this. Watching through this bastard’s eyes as he--

There were memories here Loki would never be able to unsee. Memories of you crying and in pain and begging. Memories of him yelling at you over the most inconsequential things. And… gods above…

One of the worst. You were on the ground, a pool of blood underneath you, you were crying and begging Audor to call a healer.

“There’s so much blood…” you whimpered, “Is it the baby? What happened to our baby?”

“You damn idiot girl! You lost it!” Audor screamed at you.

“No. No, this is just--I didn’t--”

“You did! You finally get pregnant and then you do this? You have one fucking function! Your one sole purpose in this life and you cannot fucking do it!”

“Please. Call the healer. I need a healer. The baby needs a healer!” you begged, hands covered in blood, “Please!”

“What a fucking waste. Just when I thought you were actually good for something.” Audor turned and started to walk away. “No one help her! She made this mess she can clean it up!”

A scream ripped itself out of Loki as he tore that memory away, tears burning his own eyes. You had been so scared. There was so much pain and fear in your eyes as you stared up at him. Like you were more worried about how he would react to the news than you were about losing your child.

Everything he saw made him sick to his stomach and there were a few times he has to stop and take a breather to relieve all the horror. How had you endured this for years? How were you able to still be so happy and optimistic when you had already gone through so much? Loki knew right then if you were to die that very night your soul would go to Valhalla, to feast with heroes and other warriors that died in glorious battle. You deserved such an honor after surviving all of that.

Loki thought that he had seen everything when he came across one final set of memories. They were about you but you hadn’t been in them directly. Audor was talking to some healer about fertility.

“She has a perfectly healthy womb from what we can assess. There should be no reason that she cannot bear a child.”

“Then why isn’t she pregnant?” Audor demanded.

“The issue comes from you, sir. You have infertile seed that cannot grow a healthy child. You can keep trying but it is unlikely you may ever be able to sire a child and another pregnancy will result in another miscarriage.”

“Damn it.” Audor looked in where you were sleeping in the next room. “I will give you five hundred gold to tell her it is her fault, that she is the infertile one.”

“But sir--”

“Do you know what will happen to my fortune and my estate if it is revealed I cannot sire a child? She could leave me, take everything and find a new husband with my money. I will not allow that. So you are going to tell her that it is her fault she cannot bear a child.”

“Sir, I cannot--”

“One thousand gold.”

The healer sighed and scratched out something on his papers. “Sir, according to my diagnosis she is infertile and it is unlikely she will ever be able to conceive a child.”

Once Loki was done with Audor he dragged him back to his bedroom. His psyche would forever be scarred now. Loki had taken no care in removing the memories of you from his mind and the extent of how bad it was would become apparent in the morning. What was important was that he no longer had any memory of you. Every horrible thing he had done was no longer his to remember. You were nothing to him now. Not even a memory.

Loki went to the other side of the bed and laid a hand on the woman’s head. With a much gentler hand Loki went through and got rid of all the memories she had of you too. She was complacent in your misery but Loki wasn’t so cruel as to damage her past repair too. Loki actually scoffed when he saw that this woman that he had made his wife because she had gotten pregnant wasn’t even pregnant with his kid. He had found a memory of her sleeping with another man around the same time. Loki would give her this much credit though, she had made sure to fuck someone who already had similar features to Audor so when the kid came out it wouldn’t be obvious she had cheated on him.

All that hurt that you had gone through and none of it had even been your fault. You had been lied to and those lies used against you just to make sure you couldn’t do anything to improve your lot in life. If the healer hadn’t taken the bribe and been honest with you then you could have left your husband, taken his estate and fortune on the ground of him not being able to sire an heir, and moved on with your life. You could have lived happily and in the lap of luxury. You could have gotten remarried to someone you actually loved and started a family.

You were so close to something good and it had been taken away without you even knowing it was a possibility. Now it was all too late.

After Loki was done removing the memories of you from the woman’s head he double checked to make sure everyone inside was still under the sleeping spell, cast invisibility on himself again and made the journey back home.

It was a long walk back. There was a lot for him to think about. How was he even going to bring this up to you? He knew you were going to disapprove but how to make you see that he had done it for you? He had done everything to make you happy, to give you some relief. But now he also had to think of how to bring up the fact that you had been lied to about your fertility and that your divorce was a sham to make sure you were left disgraced and impoverished.

When Loki walked up to the house he noticed a light on inside. Had you forgotten to blow out a candle? He walked in to see what was going on and froze when he saw you awake, sitting and waiting for him.

“Where were you?”

Shit! He had hoped to not have to do this till the morning. But you were here now and you looked pissed.

“Are you going to answer or are you going to continue to stand there with your mouth gaping open like a fish?”

Loki closed his mouth at once. His instinct was to lie, to tell you that he had just gone out for a walk because he couldn’t sleep but he refused to lie to you. You had suffered enough lies in one marriage, you didn’t need them in this one.

Loki closed the door behind him. “I went to Audor’s estate.”

“Damn it Loki!” you seethed, “I told you not to fight him!”

“To say we fought would imply that someone got hurt.”

“And no one did?”

“Not physically…alright maybe a little physically but nothing horrible.”

“What did you do?”

“I took his memories.”

You eyebrows knit together. “What?”

“Every single memory of you that bastard had I ripped away. He will never again bother you or have the smug satisfaction of knowing how he debased you.”

“Loki!” you stood, pacing the small space of the room, hands on your hips.

“There was no harm done. He won’t even remember that you exist so there isn’t anything for you to worry about.”

“It’s not about him remembering or not! I told you not to bother with him and yet you still went. You left our bed sometime in the middle of the night and went to go psychically torture my ex-husband. And for what? Because he was a jerk at the market? Was your diarrhea spell not enough?”

“He deserved to fucking die after what I saw in those memories. The way he treated you, the way he yelled at you, the way he lied, the way he left you alone instead of helping you when you had just lost your baby. How can you stand it all? How do you not want him to suffer more?”

There was a pregnant pause. You turned to look at Loki, something distant and pained in your eyes. “I never told you that.”

“Told me what?”

“The miscarriage.” you said. “I never told you about my miscarriage.”

Fuck.

“What all did you see?”

“Everything.”

You backed away from him and it was the first time Loki saw you look upon him with disgust. “Those memories weren’t for you to see.”

He was losing you. He needed to pull you back to his side before you were lost forever. “I wish I had not seen them either. The pain that you endured day after day. If it were not for the fact that I knew you would not want it I would have killed him tonight.” he stepped closer, needing to close the distance between you. “I hope you can forgive me for what I did but I will not apologize for doing it.”

“Loki…” you kept your arms hugged close to your sides. “I cannot lie. There is a part of me that wants to revel in what you did for me. But I am so tired. All I want to do is move on and instead of letting us end the night and put some space between what happened you dredged it all back up again.”

You stepped closer to him but only to get past him and head towards the bedroom. “I am going back to bed.”

He caught you as walked by. “None of what I did was intended to hurt you. I thought I was doing something right.”

“I cannot deal with this tonight. We will talk about this more in the morning.” you shrugged his hand off you.

“Am I still welcome in our bed tonight?”

You didn’t say anything for a long time. Loki sighed. “I won’t force you. I will talk to you in the morning.”

You glanced back at him before nodding and heading back to bed. Loki slumped into a kitchen chair and laid his head on the table. Damn it all.

Notes:

First late update in 3 years of writing and we can all thank my dad for giving everyone in the house his flu cause he doesn't know how to cover his damn mouth when he coughs! it's fine. I'm fine now. More mad that I lost my entire weekend to being sick. Boo.

Chapter 11: Earning Forgiveness

Notes:

Real quick thanks to everyone that left 'get well' comments last chapter! Literally you are all so sweet!! Feeling much better now! Still got a cough but everything else is fine now. Updates should be normal again! Happy reading!

Chapter Text

You didn’t want to get out of bed the next morning. You didn’t want to get up and face Loki about what happened last night. Maybe you could just sneak out through the back and avoid all of this a little longer.

You turned over, facing the empty half of the bed. Despite your anger there was a feeling of loss not seeing him there. It was just like last night when you had rolled over in your sleep and discovered he was gone. At first you assumed he was in the bathroom or something but after several minutes of silence realized that he wasn’t in the house at all. You got up and searched, worried that he had somehow been abducted from your bed in the middle of the night but then why would his shoes be gone? He had left.

There was a sinking in your gut. Why had he left? If he needed to do something urgent he would have woken you first to let you know, right? Why was he just gone? It was then you started worrying that he had not just left the house but had left you.

Had what happened at the market scared him off? Maybe the meeting with your ex-husband had opened his eyes to just how damaged you were. Maybe he had grown tired of defending you and left. Maybe Audor’s comment about your infertility made Loki realize that he didn’t want to be stuck with someone who couldn’t give him kids one day. Or maybe it was that kiss that almost was. Perhaps he was worried this marriage of convenience was getting too personal.

With every thought that entered your head, trying to convince you that Loki was tired of you or resented you or didn’t want to get close to you, you actually felt yourself calming down. It was some kind of backwards thinking but each thought you just felt it was too ridiculous. Loki wouldn’t leave you because of one bad outing. You were both damaged and after everything you had already endured together he wasn’t going to give up on you now.

He had said that you were the only thing in this life he cared about now, the only one he knew he could trust. That wasn’t something you just threw away. And Loki was the one who had initiated that almost kiss. He had been the one initiating much of the intimacy between the two of you. If he had been worried about it getting too personal he wouldn’t still be doing it.

So then where in the world had he gone? You stayed up waiting for him and the lack of sleep started to make you cranky as you waited. So when he did return you were relieved but also incredibly pissed.

And now you had to go talk to him.

You reluctantly dragged yourself out of bed and shrugged on your dressing gown. There was a faint smell of food being prepared that you could smell from inside the bedroom. You took a deep breath and stepped out. The noise of the kitchen paused as you came out and saw Loki cooking breakfast. He didn’t turn but you could see him watching you out of the corner of his eye.

You sat down at the table, unsure what to say. Loki brought the food over and sat down across from you. “Good morning.” Loki said, testing the waters.

“Morning.” you didn’t want to be so icy but you didn’t know how to talk about any of this.

“I made breakfast, as you can see.” he pushed the fuller plate towards you. “Your favorites.”

“Thanks.” you picked up a piece of toast.

You continued eating breakfast until finally you couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “Loki,” you said, “I want you to tell me exactly what you did last night and what you saw in the memories you took from Audor.”

Loki swallowed the bite he had in his mouth and nodded. “Of course.” He explained how he had left the house in the middle of the night shrouded in magic so no one could see him, put a sleeping spell over the house of your ex-husband, and tore every memory Audor had of you out of his head.

“To find the memories I had to see them.” Loki said, hands clasped tight in front of him. “So everything you went through with him I saw. I saw it all as if I was looking through his eyes. It felt like…” he took in a shaky breath. “It was horrible.”

“I see. So you really saw everything.” you had trusted Loki with a lot of what had happened to you but you had never gone into too many specifics. You didn’t want to think about that part of your life. But they were out there now. Every horrible ugly thing you endured that you didn’t want him to know about he had seen.

“I wanted to stop but I was already committed and I wasn’t going to leave it half-finished. After I was done I took him back to his room and removed the memories of you from the others a lot more humanely. No one will have any idea I was ever there, I promise.” he assured you.

“And Audor?”

“His mind is broken now. He will be suffering for the rest of his life.”

“Is he insane now?”

“No. But he will always be confused and have a terrible memory now though. I left too many scars on his psyche that he will not be able to recover from.”

“And you swear no one saw you?”

“I swear.”

“Good.”

“And what of us?” Loki asked. “Have I lost your trust?”

You sighed, rubbing the last bits of sleep from your eyes. “I thought a lot about it last night and as noble as I want to be, I know that I am glad that you did what you did. I’m happy that the bastard is broken with no memory of me. I’m mad that you saw all the memories but if we are to remain married I cannot be angry forever. For now I am going to stay angry a little longer.”

“Of course.” he looked a bit relieved. “But, can I tell you something that hopefully will make you less angry at me?”

Your gaze snapped back to him and he winced a little at how cold it was. “What is that?”

“Well, it is about one of the memories I found while ripping apart Audor’s mind.”

“Loki, whatever it is--”

“It’s good. I promise. The only person it’ll make you more angry at is your bastard ex-husband.” Loki said quickly.

“Fine. What is it?”

“You’re not infertile.” Loki said.

You blinked at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw a memory from when you went to a healer to see why you couldn’t have kids. Audor was talking to the healer and the healer said that you were perfectly healthy. It was Audor that couldn’t sire kids but he bribed the healer to say it was your fault.” Loki explained. You were frozen at the table, your brain trying to process what he was saying.

“No, that’s not--we went to many healers and they all said the same thing. They said I could never have kids.”

“Because Audor told them to tell you that. He needed as much proof as he could get that the fault was yours so he could leave you. If you knew the truth then that meant--”

“I could have left him.” you finished. “I could have divorced him on the grounds of his infertility and taken everything. I’d be living in a beautiful estate in the upper city right now. I wouldn’t have had to work. I could have remained nobility and supported myself and maybe even found someone to fall in love with--” you cut yourself off, aware of how Loki was looking at you.

“Yes.” he smiled, “Yes, you could have done all of that because nothing had ever been your fault. None of it should have happened to you regardless if you could have kids or not but now you know. You can have kids one day if you want them still. And your ex-husband was nothing more than a coward and a cheat that only ever wanted to make you miserable.”

Tears gathered in your eyes. All this time, all these years, you had been ostracized for nothing! You wanted to be even angrier. You wanted to curse and yell and march back into the upper city to demand the years you lost in the gutter back. You deserved some kind of compensation for the cruelties you endured for no reason!

But then you looked across the table at Loki. If Audor hadn’t lied you would still be living the life of a noble. Your stomach would be full and your hands wouldn’t be hardened from work. But Loki wouldn’t be in your life. He would have died because you wouldn’t have dared to save him. You ran to save him that day for many reasons but also because you knew you had nothing to lose. You had already lost everything. If you were still a noble you would have felt horrible about his fate but you knew in the ugliest most honest part of your heart you probably wouldn’t have charged forward to save him with a marriage proposal.

So, for as much as you hated Audor, as much as you suffered because of his lies, you had gained so much you had never had before. You learned to be self-reliant, you learned to work hard, to let go of what others thought of you, and you gained a trusted friend.

You stood up and Loki shot to his feet as well. You gave him a wane smile as an olive branch. “Thank you.”

His hands fidgeted at his sides, itching to reach out to you. “Still angry?”

You shook your head. “Yes. But not as angry. I still don’t like that you saw everything. I never wanted you to see any of that, to know just how pathetic and broken I was.”

“How can you say that? How can you think I would ever think that of you?”

“You’re the one who saw the memories. You saw what I endured without the strength to fight back against it.”

“I do not blame you for not fighting. You did what you had to do to survive in that house. To live through that for years and to have come out of it a person who is still caring and compassionate and merciful shows me that you are stronger than any bloody warrior I have ever known.”

You sniffed. “Sometimes I wish I were not. I wish that I was bitter and cold and didn’t care so damn much. It would make the pain sting less.”

“Trust me. Coming from someone who had his heart turned to stone, you don’t want that life.” Loki reached out to brush the tears from your cheeks, relieved when you didn’t shy away from him. “It only hurts more.”

“And you’re a fool if you think that your heart is nothing but stone. You’ve done so much for me. And despite the missteps I am still glad that you are my husband, Loki.”

“Really?”

“I mean, you did just chance getting arrested and killed just to rid my ex-husband of his memories of me. You care so much. How is it you can’t see it?”

“I’ve said before, the only thing I care about in this life now is you. And if there is anything I can do for you, it will be done. What I did last night I did for you but it was also for me. I wanted to make that bastard suffer for what he did and I enjoyed it. Is there anything that you want? Anything I can do just for you?”

You were about to wave him off but an idea did enter your mind. Loki could see you debating to voice it and gave you an encouraging nod. “What is it? Whatever it is, consider it yours.”

You sighed. “How confident in your magic are you?”

“Extremely. What is it you desire?”

“Well, I got to thinking that since you took me ex-husband’s memories we need to clean up any loose ends.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can you do the same thing to my parents?”

“Your parents?”

“Their refusal to take me back in after my divorce is part of the reason I ended up here. It was them who arranged the match with Audor and who taught me to be nothing but a submissive wife. I hate them. I don’t want them to have any memory of me either.”

“If you wish it, it will be done.”

“Oh, and they are old so you don’t need to be gentle about it either. Everyone will just assume they are senile if you break their brains.”

His pupils got a little wider when you said that. “Will do.” he looked like he wanted to say something else but kept it back. “Would you like to come with? My magic is good enough to hide us both.”

“Would I not be in your way?”

“Never. Besides, it is your childhood home. You will know it better than me.”

“True.”

“Oh! Do you want to know something even funnier?” Loki said with a grin.

“What?”

“That kid that he’s so proud of, his little heir, isn’t even his. His mistress cheated on him and got pregnant through someone else.”

That finally brought a bright smile to your face. “Ha!”

---

That evening you left with Loki to go to your childhood home. To maintain the invisibility you had to keep a hold of his hand as you walked through the streets. You normally wouldn’t have cared but there was a part of you that was still a little angry and petty and didn’t want to be holding his hand. But you also knew if he wasn’t holding your hand you would have sprinted back home.

You hated Audor. He had made your life miserable and treated you horribly. But when it came to your parents you were terrified. You hadn’t seen them in years, not without trying though. After your marriage ended and they refused to take you back in you still kept trying to reach out. They were your parents after all. They were supposed to love you. They were supposed to take care of you. You thought maybe if they saw how you were living they would grow a heart but no matter what you did you remained barred from your own home. They refused to see you.

Now you were heading back. About to cross the threshold for the first time in years.

When you got to the house you were filled with bittersweet memories. Most of your memories growing up here were dower and boring. But there were moments of joy with your nanny too. That was how you wanted to remember your childhood. Those fleeting moments of happiness and actual love given to you by someone who wasn’t even related to you.

You snuck into the house and once you were inside Loki muttered something and a wave of magic pulsated out from him. “Everyone should be asleep now.” he said. “Where to?”

“The master bedroom.” Even with the years long passed you still remembered these halls like the back of your hand. You climbed up the grand staircase and went down the halls until you came to a large door. Even as a kid you never came here often. Sometimes you would sneak in when your parents were out and poke around in your mother’s jewelry and other trinkets. You’d lay on the large bed and imagine a life where after a nightmare you could go running to your mother and father, crawl into their bed, and fall asleep between them safe and sound.

Loki saw you hesitating at the door and turned the knob. “If you’d prefer to wait outside I’d understand.” he said.

“No.” you pushed the door open and charged in. There was a reason you had come instead of just letting Loki deal with this himself. “Can you wake them up? I have some things I want to say to them before they forget everything.”

Loki nodded, closing the door behind him. There was another pulse of magic, smaller this time that hit your parents peacefully asleep in their bed. With the jolt of magic you saw them awaken. They sat up and looked around, their eyes landing on you and Loki at the foot of their bed. They started to scream, their old voices calling out for help.

“Loki,” you said.

“Yes, my darling,” he snapped and they were rendered mute. They continued to panic at the loss of their voice until in the wane light of the room they were able to make out who it was that was there with them. Their eyes went wide and though they couldn’t speak you could see them mouth your name.

“Hello,” your hands balled into fists at your sides, “I bet you weren’t expecting to ever see me again. Truthfully, I never thought I’d see you either. But life has funny ways of working out.” you glanced at Loki. “This is my new husband, Loki. He’s going to make sure that you don’t leave this room and don’t remember a thing about this after we are done.”

Your parents were confused and terrified as their gazes went from you to Loki and back.

“I have thought a lot about what I would say to you two if I ever saw you again. If I ever got the chance to speak to you. I had speeches in my head denouncing you with elegance, sometimes I just screamed and cried until my voice went hoarse, sometimes I didn’t say anything at all. Now that I am here and you can’t do anything to ignore me now, I’m still not sure what to say.

“I want to scream. I want to yell and throw a fit about how horribly you both wronged me. You two, from the moment I was born, set out to destroy the person you created. You did not care who I was, you didn’t want to know who I was. I know that you would have preferred if I had been no one at all. Nothing but a doll for you to dress up and sell off not to be your problem ever again. Maybe you’d treat me with some new compassion if I handed you a grandchild but any kind of affection would be for them and not for me.

“I hated you. I still hate you. I hate that you didn’t love me. You were my parents and I your only child. You were supposed to care for me and love me and instead you tossed me aside like trash when Audor threw me out. And I just need to know why. Why was it that you hated me so? Was it because after all your efforts the only child you were given turned out to be a girl and not a boy? Did you even want kids? Why would you bring me into the world and then abandon me? What could I have possibly done to warrant such malice from the people who made me?”

They stared, their gazes steely but unable to say anything. You turned to Loki and with another snap of his fingers gave them their voices back.

“Did you think that life would be kind?” your mother spit out the moment her voice had been returned. “Did you think that your life was anything more than the standard function of a noble family? You were born with one role in life and you failed at it. You could not conceive a child or keep your husband from straying. We raised you to be the perfect wife, the perfect noble lady, and you ended up being nothing but a failure.”

“Our line, our assets, will all be gone when we die.” your father said. “No inheritor. It will go to some far off random cousin and that will be it. Everything we built is to come crumbling down around us because you were defective.”

Well that answered any questions about getting any inheritance from them when they finally died. You thought about telling them that you were not actually infertile. Tell them that Audor had lied and that had they married you off to someone else then that horrible little life they shoved you into would have been successful. But it didn’t matter. Not anymore. You did not need nor want their regrets. You didn’t need them.

“I am not sorry that I could not be what you wanted.” you said, “I am not sorry that your precious manor and wealth will go to some stranger. I am not sorry that I endure despite how much you would have preferred I just died. You will at least not have to worry yourselves about me any longer. As far as you will remember, you never had a child. You never conceived and I will not have existed to you. Nothing but a dashed hope with no one to blame but yourselves. That is if you even remember who you are after my new husband is done tearing your brains apart. I get to have the last word this time. Good riddance to the both of you.”

You turned and fled the room, nodding to Loki on your way to get to work.

Out in the hall you collapsed against the wall breathing hard. It felt like your heart was going to leap out of your throat that entire time! But you did it. You got to say everything you wanted to say. Now they could turn into nothing but a painful memory best left forgotten.

Bitter nostalgia pulled you off the wall and down the halls of the manor. Memories of childhood crept up here and there. Some good. Most bad. It was never a happy or welcoming household. You remembered thinking that it felt more like a mausoleum than a home.

A wild and reckless part of you entertained the idea of burning the entire manor to the ground but it was dismissed as soon as you thought of it. Arson was a step too far.

You kept walking until at last you found yourself in front of a very familiar door. You tested the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. Then, for the first time since before your wedding to Audor you stepped into your childhood bedroom.

Everything had been removed when you got married so there was nothing to reclaim. All that stood now was some furniture and bare walls. But they had been yours. That was your desk that you took your lessons at. That had been your closet. You used to sit at those windows and watch the birds down in the garden, wishing you could fly off with them.

You knelt next to the bed, your hand running over the polished wood of one of the legs until your finger caught an imperfection in the wood. Hidden just out of view were your initials carved into the wood of the leg. You had etched them in with a sewing needle when you were younger. Your own little form of rebellion. No use leaving it. Using your nail you scratched the letters into obscurity.

No more traces.

You stayed there in that room, staring out the windows just like you did when you were little. How much had changed.

Sometime later you heard Loki enter, finding you sat at your perch. “It is done.” he said.

“Good.” you stood up.

“How are you feeling?”

“Some part of me wants to feel bad about it.” you shrugged. “They were my parents after all. But I just don’t feel anything. The closure is nice though. I can move forward again.”

“Glad to hear it.” he held his hand out for you. “Ready to go home and get some sleep?”

You took it, interlacing your fingers together. “Yes. Let’s get out of this miserable place.”

With that Loki encased you both in invisibility once again and you turned your back on this house that held nothing but painful memories and a bitter old couple with no children to care about them.

Chapter 12: Maybe This Can Be Ours

Notes:

Obligatory. Green. Dress. Scene!!! My beloved you have returned!!

Chapter Text

The next week of your life you could not calm down. You were paranoid at every turn that someone was going to figure out what you and Loki did to your ex-husband and your parents. If anyone figured out what you did then that would be all the excuse they would need to take Loki away. Quite honestly, chances were they would kill you too. You weren’t just an innocent bystander, you had asked Loki to rip your parents’ memories away and went to the house with him when he did it.

Every time someone came into your work you would jump and your heart would race thinking guards were storming in to take you away. Then it took you a minute to calm back down when you realized it was just another customer come in for a fitting. You walked home alone and fretted over whether Loki would come home too.

No matter how much he tried to assure you that nothing bad would happen and that no one had seen what you had done you couldn’t help it. Your nerves were shot. You weren’t made for this life. When you asked Loki to take away your parents’ memories you had felt really powerful in the moment, like you were reclaiming something you lost when they shut you out. You didn’t regret what you did. The problem was that the boost you got from the power trip of siccing Loki on your parents had left and now you were left with only the fear of the repercussions.

It was also beginning to affect your sleep. You’d be peacefully asleep in bed when a dream would come to you in the middle of the night.

You were back in that large crowd that gathered to watch Loki die. You wanted to run forward and save him but you couldn’t move. You were on that same stage, unable to help anyone. You were bound and forced to your knees as the melancholy beats of the drum echoed through the air. Loki was knelt next to you, helplessly trying to reach out to you with his own bound hands. Then the axe cut through the air and impaled itself in the yielding soft flesh of your neck.

You woke with a start, hands scrambling for your throat before turning to make sure Loki was still there as well.

“Darling,” Loki woke up, “The nightmare again?”

You nodded, hands stilled pressed to your throat, scared that if you moved them then blood would come seeping out.

“It’s alright, you’re safe. We are safe.” he gently pulled your hands from your neck. “See. No blood. No axe. We are home and we are safe.”

You collapsed forward into him, resting your head on his shoulder. “Why won’t it stop?”

“Because you have a fragile heart, my darling. It isn’t meant for such ugliness.” he said, cradling your head. “I will offer again to take the memory from you if you do not wish to keep suffering with it. There is no need for you to keep worrying yourself like this. It is only causing you pain.”

You shook your head. “No. I did it, I asked for it, I will not move forward acting as if what I did is not part of who I am. I just…I just wish I could stop being so scared.”

“If there was anything else I could do to stop your fretting…”

“I know.” you sighed, “It is something I am going to have to work through at my own pace. How do you do it? How do you keep moving forward without worrying that everything is going to go wrong?”

“I think of it this way, if someone had seen us then they would have told someone of authority. That authority then would have immediately come to collect us. It’s been over a week and nothing has happened still. I believe we are fine.”

“But what if they are just biding their time? What if all of this is just to toy with us and make us think we are safe before they come in and take it all away?”

“Considering how badly Odin had wanted me dead I don’t think mind games would be part of his plan.” Loki shrugged.

“I guess…”

“As well, you have to learn to let these worries go. If you are scared and looking over your shoulder your entire life you will never live again, you’ll only ever be surviving. At that point, life isn’t worth living. Do please, try to calm yourself and let this go. If you will not let me take the memory away, you have to try.” Loki urged.

“I will. I will try.”

“Good. Try to get some more sleep. I’ll watch over and make sure no nightmares come your way.” he pressed a reassuring kiss to the top of your head. He had been doing that a lot lately, you didn’t mind. It helped ground you after such intense dreams.

Despite his assurances day in and day out you still couldn’t get yourself to calm down. No matter what you couldn’t let go of the idea that this was all just the calm before the storm. Someone must have seen you. Someone must know. It was all going to come crashing down.

It was another week before you had another major breakdown over it all. You had been walking home when you felt like someone was following you. Your heart rate picked up and you moved a little faster but you still felt that presence behind you. You got quicker and quicker before you turned a corner and started sprinting away as fast as you could.

You only stopped when you chanced looking back to see if anyone was there and ended up running into someone. “Sorry.” you sputtered, scrambling back to standing and apologizing over and over. “I’m really sorry.”

You finally got back home and slammed the door shut behind you, breathing hard. Loki looked up, having gotten home before you.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked, standing to see you. “You look terrified, what happened?”

“I felt like someone was following me…” you muttered. “I got scared and started running home.”

“I see.” he took your hands and placed them on his chest. “Breathe with me, darling. Calm down. I am sure it was nothing.”

“But--”

“Breathe.”

You took in a deep breath, focusing on the way his chest moved as he breathed with you. “That’s it. Nice and easy, take your time.”

You stood there breathing for a few minutes before your heart rate went back down. “Better?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now what happened? Someone was following you?”

“I thought--it felt like someone was following me. I didn’t see anyone but…I’m being ridiculous again, aren’t I?”

“No. You’re not ridiculous, you’re just a little scared. But it’ll be alright. Regardless of if anyone was following you I wouldn’t let them touch you.” he smoothed out your hair, “If it would make you feel more comfortable I can walk you home from work from now on. Would that make you feel better?”

“I don’t know.” you pressed your hands to your head, “I know you told me to try and let the worries of being caught go. I know that if nothing has happened now that it’s been two weeks that chances are no one actually caught us that night. I know. But I can’t stop.”

You took in a shuddering breath. “I’m so scared, Loki. I’m scared that everything is going to get ripped away from me again.”

“Oh my darling,” he pulled you into a hug as you quietly sobbed into his shoulder. “I fear that no matter what I say it will not still your mind. All I can offer is reassurances that nothing bad will happen because of this.”

“But won’t people have questions?” you said, the new fears you thought up during the work day catching up to you again. “I mean, won’t people find it suspicious that Audor and my parents suddenly have no memory of me?”

“Ah, I see.” Loki said. He pulled you back from him a bit, “I have a question for you. Do you think that those people ever talked about you to begin with?”

“What?”

“Think about it. They were ashamed of you, they probably didn’t talk about you unless they wanted to complain.”

“That…that is probably true.” Your parents had disowned you and Audor had kicked you out without a second glance. It had been years, the initial scandal and novelty of your fall from grace had long lost its appeal. Audor probably hadn’t thought about you until he ran into you at the festival and knowing your parents they had probably purged anything having to do with you the second you were divorced.

A sense of calm settled over you that you had not been able to reach for weeks. You had been thinking about them as if you had still mattered to any of them these past few years. But the truth of the matter is that they didn’t care. You were nothing but an embarrassment and now they didn’t know you existed. Nothing much would change in their lives. But they could no longer hate you or curse you or belittle you because they didn’t know you. If you saw Audor today he wouldn’t be able to recognize you.

Loki could see the way you relaxed and smiled. “Is that what you needed to hear?”

“Yes. I think it was.” you breathed out. “At least for now.”

“I’m glad.” he directed you back towards the table. “You relax, I’ll cook dinner tonight.”

“You’re cooking dinner? You think you’re up for that? You usually only handle breakfast.”

“Give me some credit, I’ve been learning how to cook from you since we got married. I can handle something simple.” he said. You sat down and tugged off your shoes and started to relax as Loki bumped around in the small kitchen.

It was a simple meal of meat and potatoes but it smelled good and nothing was overcooked or undercooked. He really had been learning this entire time! The only complaint you could come up with was he didn’t season very well but that was easily corrected.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about something.” Loki said as you finished up eating.

“What is that?”

“If you were a noble, do you think it was possible that we met before we got married?”

“It is possible we saw each other at an event but I don’t remember us ever being formally introduced to one another. Then again, I never got a chance to go to many balls or feasts after getting married.” you muttered, collecting the dishes and putting them in the sink.

“I see.” he said.

“Why the sudden interest?”

“It just made me think of something.” he said. He looked you up and down. “Care to try something?”

“Try what?”

“Just a bit of illusion magic.” he said, holding out his hand. “I need your permission to your brain first though. This illusion is a little more intense then what I’ve shown you before.”

“Intense enough that you need to go into my brain?”

“Yes. Do you trust me?”

“Implicitly.” you took his hand. “But what is it you are doing?”

“You will see. Now close your eyes and clear your mind.”

You did as he said. You felt a familiar rush of warmth that you knew to be magic ripple through your hands and into your head. It felt fuzzy, like you had just a cup too much of wine. Then you felt changes. Your clothes felt different, like you were wearing thicker fabric. You felt something cold and metallic against head. Even the ground underneath you felt different. It wasn’t the creaky wooden floors of your house but smooth like polished stone. What was happening?

“Alright, you can open your eyes now.” Loki said.

You opened your eyes and found that you were no longer in the small kitchen of your house. You were in some grand room of shining white marble and gold. Thick drapes of midnight blue velvet hung by tall windows that looked out onto a clear starlit night.

“What--” you turned and caught sight of a wall of mirrors. In them you saw yourself as you had not seen yourself in years.

You stepped closer, unsure if what you were seeing was a reflection or someone who just happened to have your same face. That couldn’t be you. You looked down and saw that what you were wearing matched the figure in the mirror.

Your face was done up in sparse but beautifully done makeup, your hair was expertly and elegantly arranged with a delicate looping diadem of gold and emeralds resting on top of it all. You had on a matching splendid emerald green gown that was far more opulent than anything you had ever worn before, even as a noblewoman. As you turned in the mirror to look it over you gasped as you watched the gems interwoven into the gown and along the hem sparkled and rippled like twinkling starlight. You gave a cursory spin and smiled. You looked like a spinning galaxy in this gown!

But how--

You turned back to find Loki and saw that he was no longer in the second hand clothes you had gotten him when you first brought him home. He was in fine clothes like you, the same emerald greens woven into his clothes with hints of gold accented throughout.

“What is all this? Where are we? How did you do this?”

“Like I said, it is an illusion.” he said. “In reality we are still standing in the kitchen but so long as I keep this connection between our minds we can experience this. Move as you like, say what you wish, it will feel every bit as real and you don’t have to worry about running into anything.”

“It’s amazing.” It felt so real. Was this really just his magic doing all of this?

“I have to admit, this was not just something I wanted to do for you, I had a selfish desire as well.” Loki said, pulling you next to his side.

“And what is that?”

“I wanted to see what you looked like when you had the chance to dress like the goddess you deserve to be.” he said. “And it does not disappoint. You look more radiant than any illusion I conjure could make.”

“It is your illusion though.”

“All I did was put you in a pretty dress. Everything else is entirely you.”

Heat burned up your neck and you turned away from his stare. “You cannot just say such things.”

“I cannot call my wife beautiful?” he cocked his head at you, trying to catch your gaze again. “That doesn’t seem right. What else am I to say?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing how? No one is here to hear it, not that I would care any who heard me calling you beautiful. Why do you find it embarrassing? Is it because you are not used to someone adoring you the way you should have been?” he continued to speak, tilting your face back to his. “So mature yet when it comes to compliments you react like a shy schoolgirl being flirted with for the first time.”

“So you admit you are teasing me.”

“I said flirting but the two do so often go hand in hand.” he held out an arm for you. “There’s more here to see than just this room. Care to explore?”

“Alright.” you took his arm. “Although I don’t know what more you could possibly have conjured.”

“The only limit is imagination.” he said as he escorted you out of the marble room.

You walked out into a corridor with tall archways that led to a sprawling garden of pure white roses. Lightning bugs flitted across the air, illuminating the greenery in pinpricks of light. Loki led you through the gardens and you could smell the roses on the warm breeze. You entered a new part of the gardens where a tunnel of hanging wisterias grew around iron trellis.

You reached up and felt the soft petals against your hand. It was hard to believe this was all just an illusion. Everything looked and felt so real.

At the other end of the tunnel was a raised dais of deep black stone. When you stepped onto it the rest of the world felt like it dropped away and you were standing amongst the brightly shining stars.

Loki let go of your arm for a moment to give a short bow. “May I have this dance?”

You were about to say there was no music when from some unknown source a song began to play from an invisible band. Loki smirked, having caught the question before you could even ask. An illusion. He could create whatever was needed.

“But of course.” you took his hand and he pulled you close.

Just like at the autumn festival your moves were awkward at first but you quickly fell into an easy sweeping dance. You barely even felt the floor underneath you. It felt as if you were gliding on air. With each sweep and spin more dazzling sparkles spun off your dress.

“I feel rather dizzy,” you said, “All of this is amazing. Simply amazing.”

“Then what is wrong?” he asked, slowing your dance to a gentle sway.

“I guess I’m having trouble believing that I’m not asleep in bed having a fantastic dream.”

“What if it was a dream?” Loki said, circling his arms around your waist. “What if you could do anything? What would it be?”

You couldn’t look away from him, eyes flicking across his face and darting down to his lips. If you could do anything… Could you? After everything that you had gone through, after all the heartache and pain, could you allow yourself this one chance at something you truly wanted? You wanted to be brave enough to try at least.

“I know.” you said, forcing your voice to remain steady and not admit how nervous you were. “Could you…could you close your eyes first?”

He gave you a quizzical look? “Why do I need to close my eyes?”

“Just do it. Please.”

“Alright.” he closed his eyes. “What now?”

You took in a deep breath. There was no one here to see you or judge you. It was just you and Loki and the stars. And you had been wanting to do this for so long now.

You pushed yourself to your toes, pulling down on his neck slightly so you could reach him and pressed your lips to his. He froze in your arms and even with your own eyes closed you could tell he had opened his. You pulled back, hands flying to cover his eyes. “I told you to keep your eyes closed!”

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he pulled your hands from his eyes. “Oh my sweet little wife,” he said, his voice soft and gentle as he tried to coax you back. “You don’t need to be embarrassed about this. Now can you look at me?”

“Why?”

“Because I have been dying to do this for weeks and I am not letting the chance to have a proper kiss with you slip through my hands.” he cupped your cheek and pulled you forward to kiss you again.

Your lips met his once more and you let everything else fade away as you kissed him back. Your arms wound around his neck once more, pulling him even closer as you let yourself fall entirely into the kiss. It felt even better than what you had imagined. He was so gentle but not in a chaste way, more like you were something precious and fragile in his hands and he didn’t want to risk cracking you. It was a fraught effort because you felt like you had dissolved into bubbling fizzy foam in his arms.

He pulled away to let you breathe and you realized that the illusion of the star filled sky and grand gardens had disappeared and you were back in your kitchen. The way he looked at you did not change though. You may as well have still been in that gown fit for a queen and all its ornamentation instead of your patched and worn work dress.

He rested his forehead against yours, breathing you in as you caught your breath.

“Dying to do that, huh?” you said, unable to keep the giddy smile off your face.

“Ha, yes,” he said, his arms holding you closer. “You do know that you are absolutely gorgeous, do you not?”

“Loki!” you hissed but you couldn’t escape from the compliment this time, not when his hold on you was unrelenting.

“No hiding from it, dear wife.” he said, “And if you will allow it, I am going to kiss you so much from now on.”

“I…I’m fine with that…” you mumbled.

“Like I said before, shy like a schoolgirl.” he said. “It’s cute.”

“You are enjoying this far too much.”

“No, my darling. I think I am enjoying it exactly as much as I should.” he pulled you in again. His kiss deeper and more passionate than the last. It stole the very air from your lungs and made your legs buckle underneath you. You had never before been kissed in such a way. As if you were everything that someone could ever desire.

You felt a million miles away and yet knew you were rooted exactly in place. This was real. Loki was real and warm and solid beneath your hands. His lips were firm but soft and they moved against yours with a desire that was just short of ravenous, giving as much as he took. Oh yes. This was better than any illusion by far.

Chapter 13: Warmth Found in Winter

Notes:

So my schedule is fucked and I spent this entire day thinking that it was Friday. It wasn't until a mutual on my tumblr asked me where the new chapter was that I realized I fucked up and hadn't updated. But I caught it before the day was out! Also sorry for not getting to comments last chapter! Thank you for all your love though!!!!!

A happy belated Valentine's day to you! Have some fluff! We deserve it!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Slowly but surely the paranoia that surrounded you started to abate. It had been weeks, months by this point as autumn started to freeze into winter and not a peep about what you had done to Audor or your parents. It helped a lot that for a couple weeks Loki walked you home from work so you could get rid of that feeling of being followed.

Despite the setbacks you had first faced, life was good. You were working a better paying job that was a lot less taxing than several loads of laundry and with Loki’s added pay you found that you were better off for the winter than you had ever been. You were able to afford more food, more wood for the fire, and you had even splurged on some thicker clothes to help keep off the chill. Which was needed because your house was not the warmest shack in the world. It did well to keep out the wind and it was certainly warmer than being outside but it was still quite chilled most of the time, more so at night.

Although, with Loki around you found you were never very cold for long.

Your face heated just thinking about it. Ever since that day you first kissed him he had gotten a lot more comfortable with you. He had said that he was going to kiss you often now that the gate had been opened but you didn’t realize just how often he had meant. You didn’t mind it just caught you off guard. When you woke up in the morning he was waiting for you to turn over to kiss you, before you left for work he kissed you, when you met back up after work he kissed you, and when you went to bed he kissed you goodnight.

You were trying to get used to this new level of intimacy but it felt like no matter how often it happened you still got flustered by all of it. Maybe it was because he treated it so normally. Kissing was never really a part of your last marriage. There were chaste kisses on cheeks and when Audor had you cornered in bed he’d kiss you but none of it ever felt done out of affection. With Loki that was all he was doing.

In fact, that very morning you were getting ready to go to work and Loki stopped you for your kiss before you left. You had expected a quick peck but he surprised you this time by pulling you in and kissing you deeply. You were left in a bit of a daze when he pulled back. Something in your mind decided that you weren’t ready to let it end and had grabbed the materials of his coat to pull him back in for another.

He had held you up against the door, his body pressed close to yours as your mouths moved together in a strong heady kiss. One of his hands had tangled itself in your hair to angle your head just so. “By the stars you’re fun to kiss.” he murmured against your lips before delving in again.

When you were finally able to break apart you left the house with swollen lips, mussed hair, and a giddy spring in your step that kept you warm all the way to work.

Outside of the kissing you had also gotten far more comfortable cuddling with him. The cuddling had started off of as an accident. What happened is that because the house got almost unbearably cold at night your body naturally gravitated towards heat. So for several mornings you’d wake up completely buried against Loki, huddling together for warmth. You had gotten embarrassed, still not entirely used to all of this even after all this time.

Finally you had decided you were being ridiculous about the whole thing. It wasn’t like intimacy was something new to you now. Not with all the kisses you had been exchanging. It was just another acknowledgement that you wanted a more intimate relationship. After a few months together living as friends and coming into an understanding of one another you felt ready for this. It was scary to let someone into your heart like this considering how terribly all other supposedly “loving” relationships of yours had gone down the drain.

What even was a healthy relationship? It was something you were slowly starting to figure out. But it scared you nonetheless to trust someone not only with your past but with your heart and your body.

The first night that you had decided to throw your caution to the wind you had gotten into bed and immediately rolled over so you were facing Loki. He looked at you confused for a moment before you extended your arms. “Can you help keep me warm?” you said quietly.

“I can.” he gently took you in his arms, cradling you against his body. “In what way were you imaging?” he asked, his voice a low rumble in your ear.

Your face caught fire as you realized the double meaning behind your words. “I--I didn’t mean--I wasn’t asking for--” you stammered.

Loki chuckled and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I was only teasing, my darling. But if you are ever serious about it then please let me know.”

“I’m struggling just to cuddle you right now. Please don’t make me talk about sex too.” you muttered into his chest.

“I won’t. I was just letting you know.” he said.

Your eyes began to grow heavy and you yawned as sleep beckoned you closer. “You know what’s funny?” you murmured. “For a Frost Giant, you are surprisingly warm.”

Loki sighed, holding you tighter. “It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

You both eventually drifted off to sleep and you had to say that falling asleep in his arms was a lot nicer than you had thought. You were not only warmer but you felt more secure. It felt like nothing could touch you like this.

The night drifted by peacefully and when you woke in the morning still in his arms there wasn’t any tension. You just felt content. Once again you found yourself wondering if this was what married life was always supposed to be like. Was this what other couples that had drawn luckier lots in life got to experience? Waking up with someone you trusted and cared for, secure and happy?

Loki was still asleep, his steady gentle breaths tickling your face. It made you wonder how this person that made you feel so safe was considered a dangerous criminal. He had done some things wrong you knew that, he was far from innocent, but he wasn’t a bad person. And you…you cared about him. Truly and deeply.

You leaned closer, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as he slept. A deep breath filled his chest as he stirred to waking. His half-asleep eyes peeled open to gaze at you in the white light of the winter morning.

“Good morning to you too.” he muttered in his groggy morning voice.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” you whispered. “You can go back to sleep.”

“And miss this?” his hand ran up your back and into your hair, pulling you back into the kiss.

A laugh bubbled up in your throat. “Loki!”

“You rarely initiate, let me enjoy it.” he murmured against your lips.

“You ever think the reason I don’t initiate kisses as often is because you beat me to it?” you said. “I can’t very well start something if you’ve already done it.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me.” his tongue swept tentatively into your mouth, tasting you deeper.

Your heart hammered in your chest as he rolled you on top of him. You felt light-headed with happiness and it made you want to be bold. You pulled away from the kiss and before Loki could protest or pull you back in you dipped your head to his neck, pressing a kiss where his pulse quickened. Seems you finally surprised him.

You felt like you were vibrating with nerves but you continued, your lips gently skimming the skin of his throat as you moved to the other side and pressed a kiss there as well. A small sigh left him at your touch so you decided to do it again and again just to hear what other little noises he made when he was the one being lavished with attention instead.

A hungrier part of you thought of biting him, sinking your teeth into his neck to suck a dark love bite against his pale throat. You weren’t sure where the sudden desire came from but you held it back. You had a feeling if you went too far down this road there’d be every chance you wouldn’t leave this bed and you still had work to get to.

When you pulled back you gazed down at Loki and saw a flush of pink had colored his face that went all the way up to his ears. “We um…” you tried to find your voice, “We need to start getting ready for work.”

His shoulders slumped. “That’s not fair, darling.” he said. “Telling me we have to go to work after all of that.”

“I didn’t mean--”

“Yes you did.” he sat up, adjusting you so you were straddled across his lap. “And I think we can spare a few more minutes in bed.”

“I have to get to work early though, so we really cannot--” your protest was cut off by the feel of his own lips on your neck.

“Why do you need to go in early?” he whispered against your neck, pressing another kiss on the underside of your jaw.

“Well, Yule is…Yule is almost here…” you sighed, tilting your head to the side so he could access your neck better. “And so a lot of people are buying new clothes as presents and to wear to parties…”

His teeth lightly grazed your skin, a warning and a promise that he would sink his teeth into you and not let go if he could. “Sounds like you’re busy.” he pressed another kiss to the center of your throat.

“Yes…”

“Then I suppose I should let you go get ready.” he said though he made no movement to let you go.

“You should.” you swallowed.

“Then get up, darling. Go get ready.” he bumped his nose against yours. His eyes slid down to look at your lips. “You don’t want to be late.”

“I don’t want to be late…” you repeated. You were so close to ignoring the rational voice in your head that told you to get up when you felt something poke you.

That managed to sober you up in about two seconds. Loki’s eyes were wide as well and the arms that had encircled your waist and kept you trapped on his lap fell away. He looked away, the pink flush of his face turning deeper. “Apologies, darling.”

“It’s alright.” you squeaked out. You slid off his lap and left the warmth of the bed. You locked yourself in the bathing room and pressed a hand to your chest. There was no mistaking what had poked you. A part of you was aroused but when it happened a jolt of fear had also hit you. As much as you knew you liked Loki and that you did want to one day bed the man you couldn’t let go of the familiar fear you felt when it came to sex.

Before sex had always been a chore, at worst it felt like a punishment. You knew it could feel good and Loki had assured you way back that if you did ever invite him into your bed he wouldn’t mistreat you. But no matter how much you knew that you couldn’t help your body’s response to the idea of doing that again.

You splashed some cold water on your face and continued getting ready. These were things to worry about when you didn’t have to leave and get a huge load of work done at the tailor.

While you were at work making all these clothes for people it occurred to you that you were well off enough right now that you could get Loki a Yuletide present. You may even be able to afford a present for Meya as well! But what to get them was the question. Immediately your mind went to the practical but you shook off those ideas. It was Yule. Presents should be something fun.

You pondered on this all day. It was a good distraction from what had happened earlier that morning.

The days passed and you eventually came up with some ideas for both Loki and Meya. You just hoped that they liked them.

Soon it was the first day of Yule and because it was Yule that meant that the tailor’s shop you worked at was closed until after the holidays. For getting all your work done in a timely manner your boss had given you and the other workers hefty bonuses to see you through till the end of the holiday.

The first night of Yule and the last night were always the most important. When you were a noble you celebrated Yule in a lavish way. Twelve nights of grand feasts and dancing and a new dress for every party. For the past few years your Yuletide celebrations consisted of attending the town’s local ball the first night and then working the rest of the holiday. What were you meant to do with all this free time you suddenly found yourself with?

You were sat at home, curled near the fire with an old shirt in your lap. One of the sleeves had started to tear and you were sewing it back up. Maybe you could spend the holiday going through your closet and fix things, darn socks and patch skirts.

Loki came in shaking the snow out of his hair. “Evening, darling.” he said.

“Evening.” you greeted him. “What kept you so late tonight?”

“I was picking up something.” he pulled a large package out of his bag. “For you, happy Yule.”

“You got me a present?” you set your sewing aside and took the package from him. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“I’ve been saving part of my pay to be able to get you something nice.” he said. “I wasn’t going to let our first Yule together go by without getting you something.”

“Well, that’s good because I got something for you too.” you ran back to the bedroom and shuffled around in your chest before finding the present you had hidden there. You rushed back out and held out the smaller package to Loki. “For you.”

He took the present wrapped in humble brown paper and opened it. “Is this…?”

“You said you couldn’t reclaim any of your things from the palace no matter how inconsequential they were. And I remembered you saying that this was one of your favorite books so I bought you new copy.” you said, hands fidgeting behind your back. “Do you like it?”

“It is perfect, darling. Thank you so much.” he pressed a kiss to your head. “Now go on and open yours.”

You grabbed the package from the table and tore open the paper. Inside was a brand new set of bed linens and a fully stocked embroidery set full of needles and dozens of high quality thread in various shades, including some gold and silver.

“You seem to like embroidery and I thought that since you had to burn your old trousseau that maybe you could make a new one. New linens for a new marriage.” he said. He was picking at his palm and watching your face carefully to gauge your reaction.

You pushed yourself to your toes and wrapped him in a big hug. “I love it.” you buried your face in his neck. “Truly. I love it so much.”

His arms closed around you. “Glad to hear it. I was really worried you’d be disappointed.”

“It is one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. You don’t know what it means to me.” Your last trousseau had met such a dire end. Something you had poured such care into had been squandered on a man that didn’t love you and in the end the only just thing you felt to do was burn it. But now, just like with this new marriage, you felt like you had a new start.

You looked up at him and your eyes narrowed as they caught something just above him. Mistletoe was growing on your ceiling. “You do that?” you asked, gesturing to the mistletoe.

Loki looked up and smiled. “Unintentionally.”

“Sure.” you smiled, “You’re a clever man.”

“I like to think so. Now, if my memory is correct there is a certain tradition tied to this lovely little plant, isn’t there?”

“There is indeed.” you gently yanked him down and pressed your mouth to his. “Happy Yule, Loki.”

“Happy Yule, dear wife.” he whispered against your lips. “Now as much as I would love to stay here kissing you all night I thought it’d be nice if we could go to the party they are hosting at the town hall.”

“You really want to go to that?”

“I think people have gotten used to me enough by now that we won’t cause much of a stir.” he said, “Besides, I’d like to have an excuse to get you out on a dance floor again.”

“You only need to conjure an illusion to get us on a dance floor, need I remind you.”

“That may be, but I prefer reality to our illusions, no matter how much prettier they may seem.” he cupped your cheek. “Now, do you want to go change? We’ll miss the entire party if we stick around here for too long.”

“Yes. Give me a minute.” you were about to let go to get ready but quickly kissed him once more before running back to the bedroom. You threw on your best dress and arranged your hair into something a little more elegant and put together than how it was before when you had resigned yourself to working in front of the fire all night.

You and Loki donned your heavy coats and hand in hand rushed through the snowy icy streets towards the town hall. Like Loki had said there was not much of a stir at your appearance. The townspeople had really gotten used to him. It was strange to think about how earlier that year he couldn’t so much as help you with laundry without drawing hateful glares. Now people were passing you both drinks and inviting you into the festivities.

For the rest of the night you danced and ate and laughed. You even sang a few songs with the drunken cheerful crowd. At one point in the evening after a few drinks had been consumed you found yourself seated on Loki’s lap as someone jumped on one of the tables and started dancing like a fool for everyone’s enjoyment as they sung.

Gather 'round my kindred
on this solstice night.
By the blazing Yule fire,
sharing warmth and light.
Raise up high the mead horn,
feast and have good cheer.
Hail the sun's returning!
Hail the brave new year!

You cheered and clapped and raised your drinks. You turned to Loki and kissed his cheek, not so daring as to kiss him fully in front of everyone but something. An admittance that things were getting better. A new year was on the way and hopefully with it a fresh start for all.

---

“Why do I have to be the one to do this? I should be inside where it’s warm but no, I have to spend my holiday running around in this damn cold.” A man outside the town hall grumbled as he looked in through the window. Inside was a cheerful scene of merriment and song. At one of the tables he found his quarry, the woman seated on the prince’s lap.

“My my,” he muttered, “They’ve certainly gotten cozy, haven’t they? It’ll be something to report I suppose.”

Notes:

...and a little bit of angst because we can't be too happy in this house.

Chapter 14: Let It Burn

Chapter Text

“I am never taking you out to another party.” you laughed as you and Loki stumbled back down the street towards your house.

“I don’t know what you mean. I am perfectly fine.” he said.

“You can’t even walk in a straight line!”

“That’s because I’m leaning on you and you aren’t walking straight.” he emphasized his point by putting even more of his weight on you.

“You ass! You’re gonna make me fall!” you shoved back on him. “Next time don’t drink too much.”

“I barely drank anything.”

“You had four cups of Ragnar’s moonshine. A cup of that is equal to an entire bottle of mead!”

“That explains why everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion.” he said, waving his hand in front of his face.

“And it’s also why I stuck to just one cup!”

“And several glasses of wine from what I remember.”

“Oh, so you could barely remember where you put your coat but you can remember what I drank? What a very selective memory the god of mischief has.” you saw your house in the distance and picked up the pace to get to it. You stumbled in through the door, accidentally hitting Loki’s head off the doorjamb as you went.

“Ow…” he muttered, his steps even more unbalanced as he tried to steady himself against the wall. “I’m sorry. I won’t drink as much next time. No need to hit me in the head about it.”

“I didn’t mean to!” you giggled but still felt bad that he was hurting. “Want me to kiss it better?”

“Yes please.” he caught you up in an embrace. “Kissing you always makes me feel better.”

“I’m sure it does.” you rolled your eyes and brought his head down to kiss. “Now come on, let’s get to bed.”

“I think--” he fell against the wall as tried to follow you back to the bedroom. “I think you’re a little too drunk to be taking me to bed tonight.”

“Not the kind of bedding I was talking about. And again, you are the one who is drunk. I’m merely tipsy.” you pulled him into the bedroom and helped get him out of his clothes. It was a bit like wrestling with an unruly child as you tugged off his boots and removed his shirt.

You wanted to get his pants off him as well but even in your inebriated stupor the idea of that made you panic. You were stuck in place, standing between Loki’s legs as he sat on the bed, half undressed and gazing up at you with those big green eyes. You couldn’t help letting your gaze slide down his body. When he had first come to you he was very skinny, as if he had not been well fed in a long time. Now, living with you wasn’t grand feasts every night but he had filled out some. It was healthy again.

Your hand ran down his side, testing to see if you could feel his ribs or not. He sucked in a sharp breath. You caught yourself and began to pull back.

“You’re lovely.” he grabbed your hand, pulling you closer. “Loveliest in the realms…and you’re my wife.”

“Yes. I am.” you could see the alcohol catching up to him and he was getting sleepier. “I am your wife. I’m also trying to get you changed for bed. Can you help me out and take your pants off?”

“Both pants?” he muttered, fumbling with the laces keeping his pants up.

“No. Just the outside ones.”

“I’m glad you’re my wife. Didn’t think I’d ever have a wife…” he yawned. “Got the sweetest wife in the world.”

“You’re very kind.” you took the pants from him and tossed them with the other dirty clothes. You were about to grab some of his sleep clothes but he had slumped fully back on the bed. “Loki. You gotta get dressed for bed or else you’ll get cold.”

“Cold doesn’t bother me.” he muttered, “I’m frosty big…’

“Did you mean to say a Frost Giant?”

“Sweet wife…warm wife…” he murmured, barely above a whisper and fell off to sleep.

“You are going to have one terrible hangover in the morning, husband dear.” you sighed and flopped him around so he wasn’t taking up the entire bed. He was indeed a Frost Giant so you weren’t too worried about him getting cold during the night. You still needed to change into something warm though.

You slipped into bed next to him and automatically you had gone to cuddle next to him then remembered that he was in a state of great undress. His skin was warmed from the drink which only made you want to burrow in closer and leach whatever heat your could from him. But he was still very shirtless!

Before you could make the decision to retreat or not his arm flopped over and kept you locked against him. You froze for about a second before melting into it. The direct heat of his body against yours banished any cold in your bones. If you ever wanted to sleep with this man you needed to get used to nakedness sooner rather than later.

Gods, when did you even get so desperate to climb into bed with him in the first place? A few kisses and his dick got hard while making out once and suddenly you couldn’t stop thinking about it. That first kiss had opened doors you weren’t prepared to open and now there was no getting away from it. That cat was out and you couldn’t get it back in the bag without beating it to death!

It was not just the physical desire that was causing you troubles in your own head. It was everything else. These feelings that had been steadily growing since you brought him home. He had grown to be a good friend and for a while that is all that you thought this marriage would be. A friendly understanding. Maybe one day there would come a time where you’d get to a point where you’d indulge in a physical relationship but in your head it was never anything more than transactional. Friends slaking urges and making the most out of this hand they had been dealt.

Your fear was that your feelings were drifting away from friendly. Were you being hopeful or naive? You took the arm that Loki had grabbed you with and lifted his hand to kiss his palm. A lot of your firsts had been ruined thanks to decisions that hadn’t been yours. But this was something that your parents or Audor couldn’t take away. “I would be rather happy if you were my first love…and my only. I can only hope you may feel the same.”

You fell off to sleep warmly wrapped in Loki’s arms and a new feeling that you hadn’t realized you had been starving for.

---

“Ragnar either deserves to be in prison or given a seat of honor for what he has created.” Loki muttered, his head over the toilet.

“I tried to warn you, his moonshine isn’t to be taken lightly.” you rubbed his back, moving his hair out of his face so he didn’t get any puke in it. You grabbed a bit of twine and tied his hair back so you didn’t need to keep holding it.

“I can’t remember the last time I was this hungover.” he muttered. “My head is killing me…”

“I know. Just take it easy and drink some water.” you handed him a cup. “Shout if you need anything.”

Loki’s head was pounding and his tongue felt like a dry sponge. He did not think a couple glasses of a homemade drink would fuck him up this badly. Exactly how strong was that moonshine and why did it not taste like it was that strong? Honestly it tasted just like butterscotch. Evil butterscotch.

At some point in the night his memory started going hazy. He remembered arriving at the town hall and dancing with you and drinking. He remembered you sitting on his lap, your smile wide with cheer as you sang along with the crowd. Loki had seen you naked before and yet that smile of yours was the most beautiful memory he had.

After that he couldn’t remember much. There were fragmented pieces of you walking home and that was it. You explained how you had undressed him last night for bed but he had passed out before you could get him into his bedclothes. He felt embarrassed that you had to take care of him like that but then again, you had been taking care of him pretty much from the moment you married. Looking out for him when no one else did.

It felt like no matter what he did he couldn’t catch up to you. With every good thing he managed to do for you there were ten things you had done for him.

When he felt more like a living thing again he pulled himself off the bathing room floor and rinsed out his mouth and put on some clothes. He joined you in the kitchen where you were sat at the table looking through the embroidery set he had gotten you.

He had been debating on whether to get you a new trousseau for weeks. He was worried it may have made you think about work too much. Just as he was cursing himself for not using the money to get you a new dress or something he saw the way your eyes lit up. He wanted you to be that happy all the time.

“Morning,” you greeted him, “Think you can stomach food?”

“I’ll try.” he sighed, grabbing a slice of toast off the plate on the table. “So, neither of us have work today. What should we do?”

“Well, I was thinking of getting started on this.” you gestured to the trousseau. “I’m still trying to think of a design though.”

“Whatever you end up picking I’m sure it will be beautiful and masterfully done.” he sat down with you, “And while I am glad you want to work on it I was thinking that we could do something together. Last night ended with you having to take care of me so I thought I’d make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to. It wasn’t that big of a hassle.” you assured him with an easy smile. “But if you want to do something together we can. Any ideas?”

“I hadn’t gotten that far. My head is still killing me.”

“Oh you poor thing.” you chuckled, patting his hand. “If you come up with an idea let me know. But I think it’d be nice to just stay inside and relax.”

“If that is what you prefer then that is what we will do.” truthfully Loki was glad to have an excuse to stay inside. As much as he wanted to do things for you and let you have fun there was a certain allure with just staying in and having a quiet day.

So the day wore on and you sat across from each other. You worked on embroidering a pillowcase and Loki read the book you had gotten him. He knew the book front to back but being able to have it in his hands again was great, even if it wasn’t his personal copy. All the notes he had made in the margins weren’t there. It was a chance to start again though, maybe annotate better than he had when he began the first time.

When it came time for dinner you both set aside your work and shuffled into the kitchen, reaching around each other with a well-practiced ease. He chopped while you handled the stove, filling the small house with the scent of cooking meat and seasonings. Loki hadn’t realized how much he missed proper seasonings until you had been able to afford more than just regular salt and pepper for dishes.

He rinsed the cutting board and knife then turned around to look at you. He hadn’t kissed you yet today, he realized. He did wake up and the first thing he did was puke so he knew you weren’t too keen on kissing him when that happened. But his mouth was clean now and he was itching to have you in his arms again.

He came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle, holding you to his chest.

“Ah! Your hands are still wet!” you squirmed, trying to get away from him.

“A little water never hurt anyone.” he locked you against him tighter, enjoying the way your face wrinkled in annoyance. It was rather adorable when you acted mad. “Besides, you’re in front of the fire, it’ll dry soon enough.”

His gaze drifted down to your throat. You weren’t going to be going into work for over a week thanks to Yule so he could have a little fun before you needed to be ‘work appropriate’ again.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek. You didn’t say anything but he saw the way the corners of your mouth rose in a smile. He pressed another kiss to your jaw then another back behind your ear. Your breath caught up in your throat when he did that. Just that one little gasp was enough to pick up the beating of his heart. He tilted your head just so to stretch out your neck and lave kisses down the soft skin of it.

“Loki…” you whispered in that hushed husky voice that made his blood warm.

“I didn’t get my good morning kiss,” he murmured against your neck. “I’m making up for it.”

“And then some.” you sighed, turning in his arms to face him. “Since we didn’t go to work is this also you making up for our farewell kisses?”

“You can say that.” his hands wandered to your hips. “Is it alright if I try something?”

“What is it?”

“This,” he lifted you by the hips and set you on the counter. You gave a short yelp of surprise, your eyes wide at the sudden shift. He slotted himself in the space between your legs pressing himself in closer than he could get when you were just standing. “Is this alright?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” he pushed his mouth against yours. His tongue gently probed at your lips and you yielded to him gladly. He nearly moaned against your mouth, how was it you always tasted so sweet?

The spoon in your hands clattered to the ground as they found purchase in his hair. You pulled back for a moment to catch your breath and muttered something about dinner burning. Loki quickly sent a blast of magic at the fire to extinguish it and went on kissing you.

When he returned to trail his lips down your neck you didn’t try to stop him. Your neck stretched of your own accord to allow him space to kiss it. Just one little mark. That’s all he wanted.

He found where your pulse thundered and bit down on the sensitive flesh there. You gasped more loudly and a low whine buzzed in your throat as he sucked a dark love bite onto your neck. When he was sure it would be noticeable he pulled back and soothed the bite with his tongue before giving it one final kiss.

He pulled back to see your reaction. You were panting slightly, hands still curled in his hair, eyes wide and shining with lust. The love bite was growing darker against your skin already. Seeing you like this only made him want to add more. He wanted to mark you from head to toe where people wouldn’t see and places they’d have no choice but to notice. The idea of biting matching bruises on your thighs made his blood rush.

He needed to stop before he took this too far, if the bite hadn’t been too far already. “Do you” he cleared his throat, “Do you think dinner is done cooking?”

“Dinner?” you stared at him. “After all that you want to ask me about dinner?”

“I uh, I just didn’t want to go too far if you weren’t ready.”

“That’s very sweet.” You jerked his head up and latched your mouth against his neck, biting and sucking hard on his skin. An honest moan came out of him when he felt your teeth clamp down. You pulled back with a wicked little smile. “There. Quid pro quo. Now we can eat.”

You hopped down off the counter and checked the dinner on the stove. Loki was stuck, his hand reaching to touch the spot on his neck that pulsed with heat as blood rushed to discolor it. “Darling,” he said as you removed the food from the stove “Is your plan to kill me?”

You chuckled. “Why? Because I gave you a matching bruise? I would hardly think something so little would be scandalous enough to make you of all people keel over.”

“You have to remember I haven’t been with anyone in a couple years now. Just about anything is bound to test my limits.” he followed you to the table. “Even more so when it is my beautiful wife.”

When you looked up at him there was desire in your eyes but also hesitancy. He could tell that part of you longed for more but you weren’t quite ready for it yet. No matter how much you wanted him like he wanted you he knew that anything more physical would take time. He was willing to wait as long as it took. But by the stars was it such a sweet torture.

“I see. I guess I didn’t consider that.” you looked away, “You know, it’s not like I don’t want to. I do. I just…it feels like I’m backed up. There’s all these feelings I haven’t needed to process cause I haven’t been with anyone in years and then you came into my life. I want this but it feels like no matter how much I tell myself and know in my head that everything is fine and that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me my body reacts another way. It’s like someone tied a rope to two doors in my body and neither of them can open all the way. Is any of what I’m saying making sense?”

“It makes perfect sense.” he assured you, “And I don’t want you to feel any kind of obligation or guilt about this. I said this was at your pace. And I know that you need time to process and get used to this. I’m not going to get impatient or angry about it, I promise. But I also don’t want you to be too scared to not do anything. I mean, just back there you were wonderful and I could tell you liked it too. But just because you had one good moment doesn’t mean we need to test it by pushing for more.”

You nodded. Loki came up and rubbed your arms in an effort to ease you. “It’s new to me too.” he said, “As much as I want you I find myself hesitating too because I don’t want to rush you and…and if I am honest with myself I’m not entirely ready either.”

“What do you mean?”

“We both have things we haven’t had fully processed and accepted. There’s still a part of me that feels like I’m play acting in this house and in this life with you. Terrified that it is all going to come crashing down because of Odin or…” Loki couldn’t even get the name off his tongue.

“Loki?” your eyes were full of concern.

“Sorry. Like I said, we both have our own issues. I need to let go of what haunts me the same as you. So it doesn’t matter how long it takes, it’ll happen when we are both ready.” he pulled you forward and planted a kiss to your forehead. “For now, I am more than happy with where we are now. Happier than I thought I’d ever be.”

You looked like you had something you wanted to say but for whatever reason you held it back. “I’m happy with you too.”

After dinner was eaten and plates were cleaned you got ready for bed. You weren’t tired yet but liked the extra warmth of the blankets. You had that same pillowcase in hand that you had been working on all afternoon. Loki looked closer to see what you were making but the most he could make out was a spiraling green pattern. You told him this was only the base so he had to wonder what you were going to add to make it look even better than it already did.

The evening stretched on as you embroidered and Loki read. It got to be very late when Loki took his attention away from his book. Next to him you were slumped against the headboard fast asleep, your work still in your hands. He sighed and got up to take the pillowcase and thread out of your hands and ease you down to a more comfortable position.

“If you were so tired you should have said so, my darling.” he whispered to your sleeping face, tucking the blankets up to your chin so you didn’t catch a chill. He got back in bed and almost the moment he had you were burrowing into him seeking extra warmth.

His arms closed around you. “I adore you.” he kissed the top of your head. “Sleep well, my sweet wife.” Loki followed you into slumber content with you warm in his arms.

The darkness of a dreamless sleep was interrupted by pinpricks of light that zipped past his vision. They got faster and larger until Loki realized exactly where he was. He was falling. The Bifrost was collapsing all around him and he was falling with the blast. He scrambled for purchase, for power, for anything to get him out of this.

Ahead he could see an opening through all the blinding light. Darkness. Shadows moving against shadows. An asteroid belt.

No.

He was hurtled closer and closer as the forgotten belt of rocks grew larger. Atop one of them was a throne and a cruel echoing laugh as his body collided hard with the rock.

Loki woke with a start, sweat pouring off of him and his heart racing a million miles a minute. For a moment he thought he was still there. The world around him bled back in and he realized he was safe. He was home. And he had woken you up.

“What’s wrong?” you yawned, your bleary eyes staring up at him.

“Nightmare.” he forced his voice out. It felt like a miracle when it didn’t come out as a sob.

“Was it from when you were captured again?” you asked, placing a grounding hand on his arm. “You’re not there. You’re here with me. You’re safe. You are in our bed in our home and you are safe.”

Loki slumped back down and held you tight in his arms. You hushed him and soothed him, your sleepy voice a balm to a festering burn. An old lullaby lilted off your lips that started to drag him back to sleep. “Good evening, good night, may your slumber be light. May your dreams be deep as the stars watch your sleep. In the morning you’ll rise and be healthy and wise. In the morning you’ll rise and be healthy and wise.”

You ended up falling asleep before he did, the lullaby half finished and replaced with quiet snores. He wished it was as easy for him to fall asleep. But without your voice to calm him his mind wandered and guilt bubbled up in his chest. Words spoken not so long ago ringing in his head as if he heard them but a day ago.

“If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can't find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.” A warning. A promise. A damnation.

Loki looked back at you, your face impassive and serene with sleep. It was then he realized he had something much worse to lose should his past catch up to him.

Chapter 15: Burdens Weigh Heavy

Notes:

chapter got edited cause ending felt awkwardly paced. sorry.

Chapter Text

Before everything happened Loki liked to think that he was a pretty fearless person. There were not many things that spooked him like it may have done to others. Of course, that was because he refused to acknowledge the intangible fears that plagued him daily. The fear that he was not good enough for his family. The fear that he could be in a crowded room with a million people that knew his name and still be utterly alone. The fear that one day everyone he held dear would move on without him.

He didn’t realize how real those fears were until he learned that he was Jotun. Learned that his entire life was a lie. He wasn’t good enough for his family, everyone on Asgard would hate him for being a Frost Giant, and indeed everyone he had once cherished had left him behind. It was horrifying facing all of that and having to face it alone. He couldn’t convince himself that he belonged anywhere now that he knew the truth. So maybe he could just erase it.

Odin favored Thor? Get rid of Thor. He’s a Frost Giant that everyone hates? He’ll destroy Jotunheim and be regarded as a hero. He would be all that Asgard had left. He’d be revered. Loved. He couldn’t be left behind if he was ruling the realm.

Thinking back now it was such a childish tantrum. At least when compared to the horrors that he didn’t know awaited him.

Loki knew true tangible fear now. To feel like the air is sucked out of your lungs by the mere mention of a name. To look at the night sky that had once been such a calming presence and turn away from it scared that something was staring back.

Loki looked over at you sitting at the table, your hair still messy from bed and a pillow crease on your face. You were beautiful beyond words. And he was putting you in danger. It didn’t even occur to him until last night what kind of a target he had put on your back by allowing you to marry him. He had thought Odin would be the least of his worries but now…

“Loki!” you shouted at him, “You’re burning the toast!”

“Shit!” Loki took the pan off the fire and quickly scraped the bread off onto a plate. “Sorry. A little blackened around the edges but they still look edible.” he set the toast in front of you.

“You alright? You’ve been rather muddled all morning.” you touched his cheek and forehead as if feeling for a fever. “You’re rather peaky but you don’t seem sick. Are you still thinking about the nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?”

What Loki really wanted to do was assure you that it was nothing. Tell you that he was fine and that the nightmare--the memory--hadn’t put a fear so intense in him that it made him want to vomit just thinking about it.

It was Yule. He wanted things to remain happy. He wanted you to keep smiling and laughing as you had been.

But he had promised you no lies in this marriage and this was one secret that you deserved to know about. You needed to know how this could affect you and ruin your life…or end it.

“It is.” he said, taking the seat at the table. You scooted your chair over so you were sitting next to him. “The truth is, I never told you the entire story. I told you that I had been found by horrible people who did unspeakable things and how it ended up with me on Midgard trying to conquer the planet. But I never said who had me or why they wanted Midgard.”

“I know. I wondered but I didn’t want to pry.” you shrugged. “You feel ready to talk about it now?”

“We’ve been married for…” Loki counted it out and sighed. “Huh. This will be five months now. Six when the new year starts.”

“Oh wow.” a disbelieving smile grew on your face. “Doesn’t feel that long. But I suppose we did get married near the end of summer and it is proper winter now.”

At that moment Loki thought of diverting the conversation back to happier things. Maybe you’d forget that he brought all this up and he could put it off a little longer. But you were too keen. The moment the small pocket of joy flitted in it flitted back out as you brought him back to the real conversation.

“Anyway, we’ve been married five months. What does that have to do with what you were talking about?”

“Nothing really.” he sighed. “It only made me think that since we have been living together for that long it means that I need to tell you sooner rather than later. Because this affects you as well I’m afraid.”

You took his hand. “For better or worse, Loki.”

He squeezed your hand back. “The person that had me was a titan named Thanos. He has been accumulating power and building an army for years. The Chitauri, the creatures I took into battle on Midgard were a part of that army until Thor and those other heroes destroyed them in one fell swoop.

“It was he who found me and imprisoned me and tortured me until I felt my mind break. He had a torturer, an enforcer of some kind called The Other that oversaw me. They put the scepter in my hands and gave me my directive to take over Midgard. And they had made me a promise…”

Loki could still hear their voice in his head. Could still feel the echo of pain in his body and his mind as a burning sensation flowed through his veins like a million needles coursed through him instead of blood. His throat felt sore right then. Remembering just how loud he had screamed. The way it tore his throat apart with desperation. He could remember lying on the floor of his cell as the pain pulsed and started to ebb far too slowly. He could remember praying…he needed help…he wanted to go home…he’d do anything just to see his mother again…

“Loki.” your hand reached up to brush the tears from his face. He hadn’t even realized he started crying. “Gods above…the world has been far too cruel to you, hasn’t it?”

Gods. The word was laughable. Loki prayed every night for the gods to have mercy on him and save him from that torment. None of them answered.

He looked at you, those big eyes of yours staring back at him with nothing but concern and understanding. One goddess had reached out to help him in the end it seemed. One beautiful and humble goddess of a woman with a heart too big to fit in her chest so she carved out pieces to give to others. Here you were again, carving out even more of yourself to give to him, giving this useless stone organ in his own body a reason to keep beating.

“Loki,” you said, “Do you need to stop?”

“No. I’m am well.” he cleared his throat, “The Other had promised that if I had failed that they would come for me. Promised me that my failures would not go unpunished by them. And I know that they were not idle threats. As much as I want to believe nothing can touch me while I am on Asgard I know the truth.

“Thanos will come. He will tear me and everything I hold dear asunder.” this time when he looked at you he could see that same fear creeping into you.

“You think this titan will tear Asgard apart just to get to you?”

“He’d tear Asgard apart regardless of whether I am here or not.” Loki spat. “The titan is insane and what he hopes to accomplish. What I was sent to do on Midgard was only a stepping stone to his ultimate goal.”

“What goal?” you seemed scared to ask.

What was the line between honesty and burden? Was not ignorance its own bliss? But then again, he had already said too much.

“His goal is wipe out half of all life in the universe.”

“What!” you shouted, startling Loki slightly.

“Like I said, the man is mad.” he set his hands on your shoulders, easing you back into your seat.

“Do you think he is capable of such a thing?”

“I am unsure. What is needed to accomplish such a thing is far beyond his power but he has a plan to achieve it. I did not hear much of it during my time trapped there but it has something to do with gathering infinity stones.”

“Infinity stones? What’s an infinity stone?”

“They are very rare and powerful gem like stones that were created at the beginning of the universe. When combined it is said they can unlock unfathomable and terrible power.”

“And is anything being done about this? Is that why Thor is no longer on Asgard? Is he seeking these stones to keep away from Thanos?”

Loki scoffed. “I doubt Thor even knows Thanos exists, let alone knows where to find an infinity stone.”

“But something is being done, right?”

“No. Nothing is being done about Thanos as far as I am aware.”

“But how could they ignore you when you told them--”

“I didn’t tell them.” Loki cut you off. “After my return to Asgard no one seemed interested in anything I had to say. I was immediately thrown into jail and Thor ran off to put the realms back in order. If the execution had gone off without a hitch the information would have died with me.”

You stared at Loki in shock. “So no one knows about this giant threat that has a huge army and is almost undoubtedly coming for Asgard except for you and now me?”

“Yes.”

“We need to tell someone! This isn’t something that can just be quietly kept to ourselves.” you said, “They need to know what danger is out there and who may be coming for us.”

“And who would listen to us?” Loki spat bitterly. “Certainly not Odin. He’d probably see it as just cause to execute me if he thinks my death will appease Thanos and spare the realm.”

“What about the queen?” you said and Loki tensed up. “She still regards you as her son, I know she does. We could tell her.”

Loki’s fist clenched. “Even if we could get to her and tell her about what is happening, what could she do? What could anyone do? Run from Thanos? Fight him? You have no idea what he is capable of and I pray you never know.”

“So what? We stay here and wait for Thanos to come and destroy us?”

“What else can we do? He is entire galaxies away and without access to the tesseract he won’t be able to move himself and his forces fast. We may have a few years before he gets to this side of the universe. Hopefully by then he’ll have been too busy killing others and forgets about me or finds me not worth the trouble of pursuing.” It was a childish hope but one he wanted to cling to nonetheless.

“And the fact that he plans to wipe out half of all life in the universe? You don’t want to let anyone know about that ahead of time?”

“That will only happen if he happens to get all of the infinity stones which I highly doubt he’ll be able to do. They are rare for a reason.” Loki tried not to think about how one of them was on Asgard currently.

“So that’s it? We just keep living our lives on the hope that Thanos won’t come for you or get all these stones?” you huffed.

“I know. I know you don’t deserve this.” Loki said. “And so I have a solution that should spare you the horrors that may await.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can dissolve our marriage. Say that you no longer wish to be married to me and it’ll be over. You will have no association with me any longer and you can live your life freely. I will be executed and hopefully that will keep Thanos away from here.”

“Are you insane!” you snapped at him. “How could you suggest such a thing? After everything we have gone through you think I would trade your life like this when we have so many more options?”

“You don’t understand. If Thanos does come he is going to take everything. He will destroy Asgard, he will burn everything I ever cared about and make me watch before ending me as well. And if he knows about you--” Loki grasped you by the shoulders, staring into your eyes. “I do not want to think about what he will do to you just to torture me.”

“Hurting me would torture you?” your voice wavered slightly.

“Of course it would.” he stressed. “Do you still not understand what all you mean to me? If I am willing to die in the hopes that it will spare you then I think it is safe to say that I will do anything to keep you safe.”

“Loki…” you cupped his face. “If you really care about me as much as you say then you won’t ask me to consent to your death just to spare me. Please don’t ask me to do that. I saved your life once, I won’t let you throw it away again.”

Beautiful stubborn thing. How dearly he loved you. And how cruel it was to come to such a revelation when he realized how it could hurt you even more. It was terrifying really. Loki had loved very few things in his life and one by one they had been ripped from him. He didn’t want you to be one too. He’d rather let you go then have you taken away.

And it was because of that love that he decided he needed to keep one secret from you. If it came to it, if Thanos did come, Loki would erase any and all memory of himself from your head. You’d be free of him and Loki could go to his death without having to worry about you. To you he wouldn’t even exist and Thanos would have no reason to hurt you. The thought pained him, to take every happy moment you had experienced together away, but it would hurt far less than watching you die.

“Hush now, my darling. I can see how much this has upset you. I’m sorry.” He brought you closer, kissing your forehead. “This whole business has put quite the damper on our holiday. We shouldn’t be talking about this, we should be relaxing.”

“Hard to relax now that I know what’s out there.” you sighed. “And what about you? Are you alright? Everything you told…are you truly well? I know how much all of this has hurt you, my dear.”

“I am well now. Talking about it did help to not suffocate me. Thank you. Although I am sorry for burdening you as well.”

“I am your wife, we share our burdens.”

“That we do.”

“What do we do now? It feels ridiculous to just carry on with our lives after all of that.”

“If we don’t carry on then we live in constant paranoia and that is no way to live. So, until Thanos’s army starts blotting out the sky I don’t think we need to worry. Like I said, he’s on the other side of the universe and I doubt he is going to put much effort into getting here in a speedy manner.”

“Right.” you took in a deep breath and leaned your head on his shoulder. “Nothing can be simple, can it?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Can you at least promise to try and tell someone about this? I know that you think people won’t listen or that there isn’t anything to do, but they should still be warned. If they choose to do nothing it will be their fault, not yours.”

“I suppose. I will promise to try if the opportunity presents itself but I don’t believe it will so I don’t want you getting your hopes up.”

“I understand.”

Loki sighed. He hated burdening you like this, but as you said, you share your burdens. He wished he had no burdens to weigh on you. You had enough troubles as it was, you didn't need his as well.

He couldn't help but wonder though, what would life have been like if he had met you earlier? If you had met years ago when Loki was still ignorant of who he actual is and you were still a noble. Perhaps you would have met at a feast or a ball or something. He would have seen you from across the room looking so beautiful and asked you to dance. One dance would turn into two and then three until your feet were sore and your smiles wide. You would have married him instead and you’d have never known the pain or humiliation your ex-husband had put you through. There would never have been a day that you knew poverty or hunger or loneliness. You’d be happy and cared for and then maybe Loki too would have been content. He was not the favored son or the one to inherit the throne but none of it would have mattered because he had you.

He would have never gone to Jotunheim and learned what he was. He would have been home safe with you...maybe even raising a family too. He'd have never known Thanos's name or what he was capable of and life would have been well. But it was too late to think about what ifs and dream about what could have been. He would make the most out of this sweet little life he had now...for as long as it lasted.

Chapter 16: A Test of Boundaries

Notes:

If part of this chapter is familiar that is because it was originally in the previous chapter but it felt awkward adding it in there so I moved it here and the ending to the previous chapter got edited. These damn characters keep running away with my carefully constructed plot and I've been doing major overhauls to accommodate for the decisions these little shits keep making without me!

But it's fine! I got a little frusty with things the other night and seriously considered going on hiatus cause I was annoyed but we are good now. The 1am thoughts are gone and we endure! That being said don't be surprised if my midnight Saturday updates end up more like this where I'm posting Saturday afternoons. Still Saturday updates just a little later than normal. Thanks for understanding and love ya!

Chapter Text

Life felt too normal.

After Loki had confided in you everything about what happened to him in the year he was missing, the news about Thanos, all of it, you felt like something was supposed to happen. He said there was a chance that Thanos may not come. He said even if he did it may not be for a long time because he was so far away. Even so, it felt like something should have happened after he told you.

You kept expecting to see a giant ship with an encroaching army blot out the pale winter sun but as the days passed there was nothing. Life went on as if you didn’t learn some jarring and horrifying news about the potential threat of all known life in the universe. Then again, if Loki had never told you there wouldn’t have been any difference. You’d still be living your life just without the knowledge of what danger was out there.

You honestly felt like yelling at the universe to do something just to justify this feeling of paranoia. You seriously could not be expected to move on after all of that!

It was halfway through Yule and you were still vibrating with an intensity that would not let you rest.

“Is there anything you wanted to do today?” Loki asked you one morning over breakfast. “You’ve been rather reserved since I told you everything a few days ago. Maybe it’d help take your mind off of it.”

You sighed, leaning back in your chair. You hadn’t meant to be so obvious about it, but then again you weren’t exactly trying to hide it either. “Yeah…I don’t know. Maybe just a walk? I think it’d do us some good to get out of the house.”

“Agreed.” you finished your breakfast and headed out to walk around town. Not a whole lot of people were out and about during this cold snap but it was fine that way. You inhaled the cold air gratefully.

One of your hands was interlaced with Loki’s as you walked, kept tucked into his coat pocket to keep warm. The walk was nice but it wasn’t doing its job in keeping you distracted from the threat looming over you.

You forced your attention away from what was going on in your head and looked out at the space around you. You had made it out towards the edge of the town where buildings were sparse and the evergreen trees defiantly added a splash of color to the white and greys of the wintry world. Your boots crunched satisfyingly against the fresh blanket of snow, leaving a pair of footprints trailing behind you.

All of a sudden Loki turned you towards the forest you had just a moment ago been admiring. “I want to show you something.” he said and tugged you towards the trees.

“What are we doing?” you asked as he pulled the both of you under the boughs of a large evergreen tree. Here the snow did not reach, the ground protected from it thanks to the large fanning boughs that caught the ice and snow so it couldn’t reach in.

“I used to hide behind the curtains of evergreen trees like this when I was younger. I thought it was nice how it felt like you were shielded from the cold and snow behind all the green. Then again, when I was younger I had more room.” he pushed on one of the branches to give you a little more wiggle room. The limbs of the tree were sparser at the bottom but it still didn’t leave much room for the both of you to move around.

“I see. I love hearing more about your childhood but do I get to know why we are in here?”

“Privacy, mainly.” he said, leaning in closer to you. “If you’d allow, I’d like to kiss you.”

Your face warmed and you bit back a wide smile. “Were you worried I’d say no?”

“You may always say no.” he tested the waters by holding your hips. “So?”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. He held you tighter, squeezing the fretful thoughts out of your head. This was doing wonders to rid your mind of your worries. You didn’t want to leave the sanctity of the tree and the privacy it afforded. Maybe if you stayed here like this, embraced together long enough you’d grow roots and meld into the tree. There’d be no worries or strife then. You’d be forever locked together with deep roots and bark tough skin that only the sharpest of axes could think of cutting.

You pulled on him and he shuffled forward to follow you as your back hit the support of the tree trunk. You paused for a moment, your eyes peeling open to look up at him. You didn’t want this to end just yet. Far from it. You wanted so much more but didn’t know how to even go about asking for it. Never before did you want nevermind had to tell someone you wanted more physically. But with Loki you did. You wanted to forget all your worries and all the dangers and threats for a little while and enjoy yourself. Was it so selfish to let yourself want this now?

Loki could tell you were having some internal conflict and decided to make a decision for you. He reaffirmed his grip on your hips and hoisted you off the ground slightly, pinning you in place against the tree using his own body. “Is this alright?” he asked, breathless and hopeful.

Heat coursed through your body and your legs crossed and locked around his waist. “Yes. Please.”

He pressed forward to kiss you again, more fervent than before. Your hands ran through his hair as you kissed him back. His body was solid and warm against yours, grounding you to this moment and keeping any other thought that wasn’t about him out of your head. You left his lips to kiss down his throat and you could feel another part of his body reacting to you.

You gave a little squeak when you felt his erection poking against you but you didn’t pull away. “We can stop if this is too much.” Loki whispered against your lips.

You shook your head. “This is fine. I want to.” you answered, your voice breathy with need.

With your permission set in place he went back to kissing you, this time idly grinding his erect cock against your body. You let out tiny hums and gasps of pleasure as you pressed against each other. The small noises he made were heady. More than once you had replayed the noises his illusion made when you were faking your consummation. These groans and murmurs against your lips were softer but no less delectable.

Loki pulled the scarf from around your neck and sucked the bruise he had given you a couple days ago back onto your neck. Paired with your grinding you let out an actual moan this time. Your nails dug into his back and your legs locked tighter around his waist. “Loki…” your voice pitched into a keening moan as he ground against you faster.

“That’s it, my darling.” he kissed your jaw. “I want to hear more of your moans.”

“Loki, please!”

“It’s alright. You can let go. Let me banish every worrying thought in your head and replace them with me and all the ways I can make you feel good. I promise I’ll only ever make you feel good.” he panted against your neck, sucking another bruise onto your throat.

You stayed under the canopy of the tree idly grinding and kissing and gasping as the world around you became nothing but a haze and cold wind. Nothing outside of this pocket of warmth mattered. And you could tell Loki was so proud of how eagerly and happily you responded to him. This is what you deserved. This is what you both had always deserved and it was a crime that you didn’t get it until now.

A soft but demanding pleasure crashed through you. It was a lot like when you played with yourself, when the release was quiet and comforting. You didn’t want to think about how wet the juncture between your legs was and honestly you didn’t care. Your head was hazy and warm and you felt lighter than air.

When you finally managed to pull away from one another Loki set you back on your feet and straightened out your appearance so you didn’t look like you had been ravished against a tree. You stared at the ground as he smoothed out your hair, trying in vain to hide how giddy and pleasantly aroused you were.

“Wasn’t too much?” he asked.

“No. It was good.” you said, your voice quiet but breathless.

“You think you can walk home? Your knees almost buckled when I set you down.” he teased.

Your eyes went wide and you turned to leave. “I am perfectly capable of walking back home. Now let’s go, it’s cold out.”

You cursed under your breath as stumbled trying to walk away. Loki caught it and chuckled. “I doubt you’re that cold, darling.”

“Stop being crude!” you shouted back at him, throwing your hands over your ears. Loki laughed again and followed after you, pulling you against his side as you returned home. “You laugh but what if someone saw us? That was reckless.”

“We were in a tree, it wasn’t like I pulled you into an alley and started groping you.” he said, pinching your cheek. “And it ended up working as I intended. It got you to stop thinking so hard.”

As if broken from a spell you were jolted back to reality and all that had been plaguing you before. Loki pinched your cheek again. “Ow! That hurts you know!” you swatted his hand away.

“Stop thinking about it. That was the whole point of this walk.” he said. “Or do you need a more thorough repeat of what happened in the tree? I’ll be sure to drive every thought from your head next time.”

“You cannot just say that!” you hissed at him, your face growing hotter.

“I cannot say that I desire my wife?”

“You can’t say it like that!”

“How should I say it then?”

“You shouldn’t say anything at all when we are in public.”

“Why? Because there’s so many people around to overhear us?” Loki cast his gaze around to the empty streets.

“I…” you took in a deep breath. “I’m not used to someone desiring me and I’m definitely not used to someone being so outward about it, especially in public. I’ve gotten better about it but it still makes me uncomfortable when you talk about this kind of thing outside of the house.”

Loki’s expression sobered. “I didn’t realize. I thought you were just being shy.”

You shook your head. “People don’t need to know our personal business, and I’d prefer that they didn’t. We’ve been the subject of nosey neighbors for months and I don’t want attention back on us when they’ve finally started dropping interest.”

“So, does that mean I should,” he removed his arm from around your waist.

“No.” you pulled him back. “That’s fine. Just don’t talk about that kind of stuff when we’re in town and lets try not to get caught up like that in the tree again. Please.”

“Will do. Sorry for making you uncomfortable before.” he said. “Am I still allowed to say these kinds of things when we are home though?”

“That…that’s fine…” you looked away and Loki chuckled.

You made it back home and once you were inside again Loki wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush to his chest. “Now that we’re in the privacy of our home, I had one more thing to ask.”

“What’s that?” you felt your body melting like butter just being pressed against him like this.

“Do you want to do more stuff like what happened in the tree?” he asked. “Or was that enough for now?”

“You mean right now?” you tilted your head back to look at him.

“I meant from now on but you look eager. Do you want to try right now?” his gaze traveled down your body. You were reminded that none of what you had on underneath your clothes was new to him. You had only been married a week when you had been forced to provide proof of “consummation” and Loki had seen your body to construct an illusion.

You often thought about that illusion and just how gentle he had shown you he’d be with you. You knew you wanted that but the idea of having sex because you wanted to was still so foreign and daunting. You didn’t want to be scared of the experience forever though. A small taste. A sample. If it went badly then you’d know you still needed more time.

“I…” you swallowed, “I want to try something. Nothing intense, I’m not looking to get a…a uh…a climax out of it. I just want to give something a try. Is that alright?”

“Whatever you want, my darling.” he rubbed your shoulders to ease your nerves. “What is it?”

“Come with me.” you took his hand and pulled him back towards the bedroom.

Loki was patient and moved where you directed him, letting you play out whatever idea was going on in your head. You had him sit at the center of the bed and pulled yourself onto his lap so you were straddled across him.

“Is this good?” you asked him, nervous that he maybe wouldn’t want to do anything for some reason or another. He had said before he needed time to with the physical side of your relationship but he seemed pretty keen on it now. You weren’t sure what changed but you didn’t want to let this opportunity slip by without notice.

“Very good.” he said. “Now what?”

“I um…I just wanted us to explore.”

“Explore?”

You took a deep breath and brought his hands up to your waist where your shirt met your skirt. His fingers gently touched the bare skin underneath. “Explore.” you nodded.

“I see.” he pulled you a bit closer. “How much can I explore?”

“Nothing further down than this.” you gestured to where his hands were now. “That’s all I ask today.”

“So, this is fine?” his hands slipped under your shirt, embracing more of your bare skin. You shivered at the feel of his hands on you.

“Yes. So long as I can touch you too.”

“Of course you can. Do whatever you please with me.” his hands glided slowly up and down your sides, feeling you tremble and your skin prickle with goosebumps as he touched you.

You reached out, your hands landing on his shoulders and moving them in towards his neck. Your fingers dipped past the collar of his shirt to feel the skin along his collarbone. You wanted to go further but his shirt was in the way and you felt awkward about asking him to take it off. So you slipped your fingers out from under his collar and let them trace down his chest, feeling his body through his shirt.

Your hands reached the hem of his shirt and you paused. He said to do whatever you pleased with him but how much did he mean that? You glanced at his face to get his reaction, seeking some kind of permission, and found him already staring at you. A delicate flush had warmed his cheeks and it took you a moment to realize that his hands had stopped roaming over your body. He was resting his hands on your hips, watching you and letting you explore his body at your own pace.

“What do you want?” he asked quietly.

“I…I want to touch you.” you felt a tad ridiculous being so nervous now, as if the man hadn’t made you have a minor orgasm against a tree not half an hour ago.

“Then touch me.” he grabbed the material of his shirt. “Would it be easier if I took this off?”

“Only if you want to…”

“I want to.” he tugged the shirt off over his head and dropped it on the ground. “Don’t be shy now, there’s no wrong answer here. Do whatever you like, dear wife.”

Right. He was your husband. There was nothing shameful or strange about wanting to be closer to him of all people. You leaned closer to kiss him. You put your hands back on his body, this time able to feel every bump and curve under your palm. Just a few days ago you had inspected his body like this but you were buzzed and the room was dark as you had stumbled home from a night of celebrating with everyone at the town hall. Now you were sat on his lap in the sobering light of day.

Your arms circled around him and glided up and down his back, feeling the muscles flex under your touch. His chest rose and fell in deep slow breaths as you mapped every inch of his torso.

“Loki,” you whispered against his lips, “You can touch me too, remember?”

“I know.” he sighed, dipping his head and brushed his nose against your neck, inhaling the scent of you. “I wanted to bask in this for a moment.”

He reached to touch you like he had been earlier. He planted a delicate kiss on the side of your throat as his hands rested under the swell of your breasts. “Is this alright?”

“Yes.” You took a deep breath and just to prove your point you pulled your shirt off and tossed it somewhere behind you. A chill ran through you as your body was exposed to the cold air.

He pulled back some to gaze at you, taking in every detail of your now naked chest. He looked back up at you before moving his hands up and cupping your breasts. You jumped a little, your body automatically arching into his touch.

He kissed your cheek. “You’re so good. You’re so beautiful, my darling.” he kissed your other cheek. He peppered more kisses across your face as his hands massaged your breasts.

“Loki,” you whimpered, heat coiling between your legs. “Hold me.”

His arms wrapped around you and pulled you flat against his chest. A few months ago, even just a couple weeks ago this would have been impossible for you to imagine. Intimacy had always come with claws and fangs, gouging pieces of yourself every time you fell into bed. You hadn’t expected to ever get anything out of it, only to have bits of yourself ripped away.

But now you had Loki and he didn’t take what you weren’t already willing to give and gave back even more than what was offered. You felt whole. Being in his arms this way, chest to chest and skin to skin, no expectations, just a feeling of contentment. It felt like you were always meant to be here and it was a cruel twist of fate that you hadn’t had this chance earlier.

You stayed in bed, lying next to each other still partially undressed. Your head rested on his shoulder while he was traced patterns across your back

“Loki?” you broke the silence.

“Yes, darling?”

“I…I think…” There was so much you wanted to say. So much you felt that you didn’t even know where to begin or how.

I think I’m falling in love with you. I think that I have been ever since I married you. All you’ve ever done is show me care and kindness and patience and I love you for it. And it scares me. It scares me to love you. It scares me to trust you with my heart because it’s already so pitiful and mangled, I don’t think it will survive any more pain. And if there is some danger coming for us I don’t want to get my hopes up in case it all comes crashing down. You are the first wonderful thing in my life and if I lose you I’m not going to survive.

All of that and more burned in your throat but you couldn’t get it to move past your tongue. “I think we need to get up and make dinner at some point.”

“Quite right. It is getting late.” he sighed. “And as nice as it is laying here with you I know how grumpy you can get when you’re hungry.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and slid out of bed, collecting his shirt from the ground and tossing you yours. He left the room and you sighed, pulling your shirt back on as the cold of winter crept back in.

Chapter 17: Beginnings and Endings

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

With the end of Yule came the end of your break from work. It was a new year though, you were grateful for that. Maybe there were some things that you could leave in the year past. You were much looking forward to building some new things though. Although, you would say that you had started making some changes early.

Your relationship with Loki grew by the day and so did your feelings. What had your heart beating so ferociously in your chest was the intimacy of everything. Since that day you had opened the door in earnest to a more physical relationship you had been getting bolder. You had remembered one evening when you were cuddled in bed getting ready to fall asleep for the night you had been feeling daring. You had kissed his throat and down to his chest, lips dragging across his skin.

Your head felt dizzy with want so when he pulled your leg up over his hips you hadn’t objected. Neither did you object when you felt his cock poking against your thigh. You certainly hadn’t objected when you felt him lift your nightgown up over your hips so there was less cloth separating you. You remembered moaning softly as you left bruising love bites along his neck or when you felt the heat of his cock grind against the soaked fabric of your undergarments.

The next morning you were still buzzing with the memories and so was Loki if what you felt against your ass was any indication. You knew you needed to get up. You knew that you had already had a late night and that this was nothing to indulge in the morning when the both of you had to return to work. But then he had stirred to waking and pushed his hips closer to yours.

“Morning,” he yawned, “Should I be moving away or is it alright if I stay?”

“You’re really not helping me convince myself to get out of bed.” you said, relaxing back into his body.

“We don’t have to. Not yet anyway.” he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck. “So?”

“Five minutes. Then we get up.”

“Five minutes.” he murmured in agreement. “Can I touch you?”

You knew what he meant but in the haze of the morning and the tingling glow of the previous nights activities you were feeling brave. “Yes, you can.” you said, taking the arm that was slung across you and leading it lower down your body. “I want you to touch me…here.”

Loki took in a deep breath as his hand hovered between your legs. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” your body was shaking a bit in anticipation. “Please, Loki. Touch me.”

“As you wish, dear wife.” he whispered into your ear. He slipped his hand under the skirt of your nightgown, hands running up your thighs as they had done numerous times in the past couple days. Only they did not stop when they got so high this time. He cupped your cunt, going slowly so you could ease into this together.

In everything up till now your embraces had some cover of clothing keeping things from going too far.

His fingers gently eased past the folds of your cunt and began touching you in earnest. A breathy moan escaped you as little blips of pleasure warmed your blood and roused you further into waking. His fingers slid gently up and down your slit but kept coming back up to press and swivel against your sensitive clit.

“Your body is so warm.” he murmured against your neck. “And you’re so wet down here, darling.”

His other hand tilted your head to the side so he could kiss you. “Do you want my fingers in you?”

“Yes.” you moaned quietly. “Please, Loki.”

“Anything for you.” he moved back down your cunt and slipped a single long finger into your pussy. Your body reacted immediately, clamping down around the single digit with greed. “By the stars, you’re so tight.” he groaned, grinding his hard cock against the cleft of your ass.

He kept going, moving his finger in and out slowly and letting you relax before adding another. You cried out again, whimpering against his lips as he had insisted on maintaining the kiss. His fingers thrust and curled inside you, pressing against the spongy spot that made you buck into his hand and moan even louder.

“Loki!” your hands balled up in the sheets. “I--I--”

“I know. It’s alright, my darling.” his pace got quicker, his thumb pressing against your clit and sending even more pleasure up into your brain. “You can cum. Just let go and cum for me, I promise I’m not gonna stop until you do.”

You craned your neck as far as you could manage to look at him and saw the pupils of his eyes blown wide as he stared back at you. There looked to be something he wanted to say but whatever it was he poured it into a kiss as well, swallowing your moans as your body was thrust forward into an orgasm. He kept going until the last tremors of your release stilled.

You laid back, catching your breath and letting your heart slow back down. Loki withdrew his hand and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I think that was more than five minutes.” he said. You laughed.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” you could still feel his erection pressed against you. “Did you…did you need help with that?”

“As wonderful as that would be,” he sighed, “we simply do not have the time.”

“But--”

“If you’re so eager we can pick this up later tonight.” he brought his hand up to the light and you felt your face heat seeing them coated with your arousal. You watched transfixed as he brought those glistening fingers to his mouth and sucked your juices off of them. You pressed your legs together, a new wave of desire coursing through you as the idea of his head between your legs was implanted.

Loki noticed you watching him and you gulped at having been caught staring. “My darling, if we have any chance of getting out of this bed you can’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” you stammered.

“Like you want me to ravish you.” he said, his eyes dark with lust. “Now get up and start getting ready before you’re late.”

The reckless part of you that was still dizzy with pleasure wanted to forget about whatever responsibilities you had and spend the morning wrapped up in Loki and finally fully consummate this marriage. You also knew that if you did stay to indulge your baser desires then chances were you were going to be out of a job. If you really wanted to have sex you should have come to that conclusion while you were still on holiday and had the time. So you cursed the timing and reluctantly rolled out of bed and walked on stilted legs into the bathing room.

It felt like you had moved between realities after leaving the bedroom. In there everything was safe and there was nothing to be ashamed of because you were the only two that existed. Inhibitions lay forgotten and you were able to ask for anything you wanted and it would be given. Now you were back in the real world where there was work to do and your actions from inside the bedroom made you stutter just thinking about them.

You had hoped that after a week or so of you and Loki escalating your physical relationship that you wouldn’t still be acting like this. But there was a slight difference between rutting against each other partially clothed and telling him to finger you. You had even offered to help him with his erection! And he had said you could pick up where you left off tonight.

Did that mean you were going to have sex tonight? That’s what it felt like. You knew not to assume anything, he probably just meant pleasuring him since you had brought it up. But…did you want to have sex? Were you ready for that? You were enjoying this time together just exploring each others bodies and getting comfortable with the sensation. Did you need to jump to sex when what you had right now was fine?

Then you thought about what would have happened if it was still Yule. If this had happened yesterday morning you knew for a fact that you would have still been in bed. You’d have Loki’s cock in your hand, watching him come undone as you pleasured him this time. He’d cum and you’d be staring at him in the aftermath, his dick still half-hard and arousal pooling between your legs. Even now you knew that if you had the time you’d charge back into that bedroom, shove him onto the bed and consummate this marriage until you passed out.

That was it, you decided, you were going to ask Loki to have sex with you tonight. You would have to ask tonight because you were scared that if you said anything now he’d convince you to not go into work and do it right now.

And there was a part of you that wanted to make it special. This was a new marriage after all. You wanted it to be as far removed from your first wedding night as possible. Maybe you could make a nice dinner and you had some spending money saved that you could use to buy a new nightgown. Something nicer and more seductive than your thick flannel nightgown with the jam stain on the collar.

With your secret plan in place you finished getting ready for work and headed out with a kiss from Loki. It made you giddy inside thinking that he didn’t know what you had planned.

You were perhaps a little too excited and nervous about your plans because you could hardly focus at work. Your mind kept drifting and when you looked at what you were stitching it felt like the patterns were morphing into writhing bodies in your head. Your boss noticed how slowly you were working and decided to send you to deliveries instead. You cursed since it was still so cold out but at least this would give you a chance to stop in to some other tailor shops along the way and find a sexier nightgown for tonight.

While you were out you realized that you were near the library that Loki worked at. You’d been too busy to ever visit him before but you had time now since your boss wasn’t expecting you back until all the deliveries were made. Your deliveries were done now so you could spare a few minutes.

You found the library and wandered in. It wasn’t until you were inside that you remembered that Loki wore a disguise while at work since no one had been willing to hire him as he was before. You also didn’t know what his disguise looked like. He said he shifted into it along the way to work so no one saw his disguised self leaving the house. That meant he could look like literally anyone. Damn it all.

You decided to walk up to the first staff member you saw and see if there was any kind of recognition from them. There was someone sitting at the front desk writing something down in an account book or something that you walked up to.

“Hello,” you said drawing their attention up from their work. The worker was a man of unremarkable but symmetrical features, shortly cropped brown hair, brown eyes, tall build with a bit of a paunch.

When he looked up a smile grew on his face. “Oh hello there.” he said, his voice was kind of scratchy like he had strained it yelling. “May I help you with something? Whatever it is, it would be my absolute pleasure.”

Alright, so this was either Loki having some fun teasing you or this man was coming on very strong for a woman he was meeting for the first time ever. “Oh, I just stopped in to get out of the cold and maybe chatter for a bit before I had to return to work.”

“I see. No problem with that, stay as long as you’d like. And I would be more than happy to talk with you.” he continued, straightening his posture and not so subtly trying to fix his hair.

“Why thank you.” you looked around at the library. “This is the first time I’ve been here in ages. It must be nice to work somewhere so warm and quiet.”

“It definitely has its perks.” the man that was maybe Loki said, “Although, I’d have to say my favorite part of the job is meeting the patrons that come in.”

If it wasn’t clear before it was becoming apparent now that this man was flirting with you which you knew meant this had to be Loki. You smiled at having caught him and his own smile got wider. “And I hope it isn’t too forward to say but you are a very pretty woman, miss.”

“Why thank you.”

“And at the risk of making a fool of myself, I was wondering if you would like to go to the tavern tonight and we can get to know each other better over a couple drinks.”

“We’re getting drink later?” a new voice joined your conversation. An arm was looped around your waist and you looked to see who it was connected to. A beautiful woman with long inky black hair stood next to you now and when you looked into her bright green eyes you realized in an instant that this was Loki’s disguise. And he had just caught you kind of flirting with another man.

The man that you now knew was not Loki looked between you and the woman. “Oh uh, hello Inga,” the man said, “Do you know this young woman?”

“I should, she’s my wife.” ‘Inga’ said, their nails pressing into your side just a tad.

“Wife? But she--”

“Is a very affectionate woman, isn’t she?” they cut him off with a saccharine smile. “Everyone can’t help but fall in love with her. Just the other day she was speaking to a grocer and the poor man thought that she was flirting with him. It was rather sad to see his face when she had to explain that she is happily married.”

“Oh uh, yes, it seems to be my curse.” you said. “I guess being friendly comes across as something else to some people.”

“I see.” the man behind the desk deflated some at realizing that he was not going on a date to the tavern that night. “Well, how lucky of you, Inga, to have such a pretty wife.”

“I am, aren’t I?” ‘Inga’ turned to you, “Now my darling, I had no idea that you were coming by. Was it to visit me?”

“Oh, yes. I was in the area and decided I would stop in to say hello.”

“Wonderful. You can walk with me while I reshelve some books.” they led you away from the desk and deeper into the back of the library. Loki didn’t drop the disguise, probably for fear of being spotted accidentally but even with a more feminine face there was no disguising the amused smile of his.

“Do not even start.” you warned him.

“Oh come now, you cannot deny that this is funny. You really thought that stick in the mud was me?”

“I thought you’d be in disguise as someone completely unremarkable in looks to avoid any kind of unwarranted attention. What’s this disguise? You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen! How is this attracting less attention?”

“I figured if I have to be in disguise for the majority of my day I might as well like the way I look.” he said, flipping his hair over his shoulder. “Does it bother you?”

“No.” your eyes drifted to his chest, “And you gave yourself such big boobs because…”

“Well, they’re illusionary so they don’t actually cause any pain in my back.” he shrugged. “So why not?”

“I see.” you sighed, “But as long as we’re talking I do want to say I’m sorry for thinking that other person was you. I should have realized sooner. Are you mad at all?”

“Of course I’m not mad,” he cupped your face, “Although, I will admit I was a little disturbed when I saw him flirting with you.”

You studied his pouting expression and smirked. “Disturbed or jealous?”

Loki scoffed. “I was not jealous. I have no worries that that little man would ever be able to lure you from me. I believe the more appropriate word would be territorial. I protect what is already mine.”

“Call it what you like, it was rather cute.” you pulled yourself to your toes and gave him a quick kiss. “I have to get going now but I’ll see you tonight when you get home. I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise? I’ll be sure not to be late then.” he gave you another kiss. “Let me walk you out.”

Loki walked you out of the library and down the street to the corner. You turned to give him a final farewell before parting but saw that he had gone rigid and his eyes scanned the streets. “Is something wrong?” you asked.

“What? Oh no, darling. Nothing wrong at all.” Loki smiled at you. “Now get on back to work before you catch a chill. I’ll see you at home.”

“See you.” you waved as Loki disappeared back towards the library. Strange.

You didn’t return to work immediately but stopped in to one of the tailor shops you visited before and purchased a new nightgown of satiny soft emerald green that you kept tucked in your bag, then you returned to work. After work you had stopped by to pick up a few ingredients for your nice dinner and rushed home to get a headstart before Loki made it back.

You had dinner ready about the time Loki usually got home from long shifts and did a little primping in the mirror. Should you change into the nightgown now or later? It felt weird to just be wearing it when he got home. Maybe if you wore your normal robe over it?

You sat down, your old cotton robe covering the new diaphanous nightgown you wore. Dinner waited hot and ready on the table and you waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited even more.

You glanced at the clock and sighed. Where was he? He wasn’t one to come home as late as this? The food had gone cold and with a sigh you reheated a portion for yourself and packed the rest away. You also changed back into your normal warmer nightgown and tucked the green one into the bottom of your chest for safekeeping. All the while you couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened to Loki.

Had something happened to him? You knew he wouldn’t just not come home. You stayed up even later, busying yourself with some embroidery. You knew that you should go to bed but you couldn’t rest not knowing where Loki was. You thought about going out to look for him but knew how dangerous the streets could be for a woman alone. And what if Loki returned while you were gone and then he’d come back out looking for you?

You hadn’t even registered that you had fallen asleep until a loud noise woke you back up. A cold gust of wind blew in through the front door, extinguishing the nub of the candle you still had burning. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes in time to see Loki hobble through the door bruised and bloody before collapsing on the ground.

Notes:

:)

Chapter 18: What It's Worth

Notes:

Thank you to everyone who left comments last chapter! There really wasn't a way for me to respond to them cause they all basically were the same sentiment of "Oh hell no! Loki! We ride at dawn to avenge our pookie!" Which I love!

And now onto this! Happy reading!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It started when Loki walked you out of the library. He had felt eyes following you as he walked you down the street but hadn’t thought much of it until he caught a shadow out of the corner of his eye. It darted away as soon as he began to glance it and he knew that someone was following you. He didn’t want to worry you so let you go on your way back to work and he melted back into the crowd, intent on finding who was following his wife.

After some time shifting through the crowd, following the path you took back to your work Loki spotted that shadow that was keeping a distant pace behind you. As he passed by an alley Loki used his magic to sweep the person into it and out of sight.

“What--” the man’s protests were cut short as Loki grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall.

“Why are you following my wife?” Loki snarled, squeezing his windpipe harder.

“How did--” the man gasped, barely able to form words against the pressure of Loki’s grip on his neck. He grabbed at Loki’s shoulders to try and shove him off but to no avail.

“Answer the question!” Loki produced a dagger and held it near his eye. “Who sent you?”

The man glanced at the dagger but a resolution to remain silent settled over his face. Loki sighed. “Hard way it is then.” The dagger vanished and Loki gripped his head, channeling his power to search his memories.

In his head he sees weeks and weeks go by of this same man following you around town. So you had been right to be paranoid. Someone had been following you all this time. The question was still why. He shoved his power in deeper, scanning every moment of this man’s pathetic little life until he came to an all too familiar face.

Odin.

He saw Odin giving the order for you to be followed. The original order was to follow your routine, memorize where you went and where. Then find when you were at your most vulnerable, your most alone, and snuff you out. This man had even been given permission to assault you just to make it more believable that you were a victim of a random attack. There was some plan about making it look like a pointless and tragic death so no one would suspect it was on purpose. Thus, by killing you it would kill Loki too.

Just the image of what this man thought of, the ways he had planned to touch you and hurt you made Loki want to snap his neck right then and there. He swallowed back the fury for a moment and focused on getting as much information out of this man as he could.

The plan to kill you changed. The order was different now, Odin only wanted you followed and tabs kept on you now, no murder.

Why? What changed?

Loki searched and searched for an answer but none came. With a growl of frustration at being denied answers he ripped his power away from inside the man’s head. His instinct said to kill this man, let his corpse be a message to Odin that Loki wasn’t to be trifled with like this. But he also knew if he killed him it would just be motivation to have Loki arrested and executed. So what to do?

“You are going to send a little message back to Odin for me.” Loki said, “If anything happens to my wife I will raze this world and everyone on it, starting with him.”

Loki released him and kicked him away. “And if I you come anywhere near my wife again, I will gut you like a fish. And just in case you think I am not serious--”

SNAP!

“AHHH!” the man crumpled to the ground holding his now broken arm.

Loki turned to leave when through the pained cries there was a wheeze of a laugh. Loki turned back, curious as to what this worm had to laugh about. There were tears in his eyes as with his unbroken arm he reached into a pocket and produced a small device. He aimed it at Loki and he felt something hot sear through coat and shirt until it burned through and hit his skin.

The bastard had managed to plant something on him? Loki reached to tear whatever the device was off of him but it latched onto his skin, tiny divots piercing his flesh to nestle in. It was no bigger than a coin but the next moment a burning pain radiated through it so fast and so excruciating that Loki dropped to his knees in pain.

Fuck! No! He tried to tear the device off but his hands tingled as if they were covered in fresh burns and everything he touched felt like it pressed on an open wound. But it was his whole body! His entire being felt like an exposed nerve. He needed to get this thing off! He needed to get back to you!

The burning increased until finally his body couldn’t take the pain any longer and fell unconscious just to spare him any more suffering.

---

When Loki came to the burning had stopped but he could still feel the device melted into his chest. His body vibrated with a dull buzz of leftover pain.

He groaned as he forced his head up to look around at where he was and his blood went cold. He knew this place. He was back in the palace. Down somewhere deep that not even the normal criminals were housed in the prison. He had been brought here immediately after returning from Midgard before eventually being moved to the regular cells.

This was somewhere you put something so you never had to think about it again. He could very well die down here and the only one that would know he was here would be Odin. Cause of course it had to be Odin. Why though? Why go through the trouble of kidnapping him? Why not just kill him?

Loki became aware that he had been bound to a chair. He tried to push against the restraints but they refused to budge for either his strength or his magic. Damn it all!

He needed to be calm. If he started panicking he’d never get out of here. He’s been in much worse circumstances, he can figure this out. Remain calm. Take stock. Come up with a plan. With some luck he’d be back in time for dinner.

Loki assessed the restraints binding him to the chair. His legs were free but his arms were bound against the chair at the wrists. He tried standing but the chair was bolted to the ground so no help there. There was power in the restraints around his wrists that inhibited his ability to use magic so he couldn’t unlock them that way. Too thick to break through, no weak points that he could strain against to break either. He tried just pulling his hands back out of the restraints but his hands were too large to fit through unless he wanted to break his hands to be able to squeeze them through. Leave that as a last resort.

As Loki was debating whether or not to dislocate his thumb to get out of the restraints the door into the cell opened and Odin stepped in. Loki wasn’t surprised, just annoyed.

“Loki,” he said, “Seems you’ve been causing trouble.”

“If you are talking about confronting the spy you sent to follow my wife I hardly call that trouble. The real trouble is all the effort you put into bringing me back here.” Loki said, forcing himself to sound civil and collected when all he wanted to do was rage and scream. “If you wanted me dead I suppose I would have been executed the moment I fell unconscious. So you brought me here for a reason. Now tell me what the fuck you want so I can get back to my life.”

“Bringing you in was not part of the original plan.” Odin said, slowly pacing the small length of the room. “What happened was the contingency plan for if you ever spotted the spy.”

“You’re not even going to try denying that you were spying on us.”

“Why should I? You clearly know what has happened. But you are right, I have reason to see you other than to kill you. Believe me, if I wanted you dead I would have killed you months ago and the young woman bound to you through Frigga’s magic would have just been collateral damage for all I cared.”

Hearing Odin mention you made Loki’s heart quicken. “So what then? Why keep me alive?”

“Fate has a way of accelerating if you try to defy it.” Odin said, not looking at Loki. “I have no wish for that so as dearly as I’d love to be rid of you I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that you must remain alive…for now.”

“What are you talking about? And what does this have to do with you following my wife?” Loki snapped, his patience rapidly growing thin.

Odin blinked, turning to Loki now. He assessed him up and down with his one eye and a cruel smirk creased his already wrinkled face. “Over a thousand years I’ve known you. A thousand years I raised you as one of my own and in all that time I’ve never seen this.”

Odin laughed dryly. “You’ve fallen in love with her, haven’t you? The peasant girl that stupidly saved your life.”

Loki didn’t answer but it seemed to be all the confirmation Odin needed. “That makes this easier.”

“What does?” Loki couldn’t help the question. He couldn’t hold back, not when it came to you and Odin’s interest in you.

“Never let it be said that I am a man without mercy.” Odin leveled Loki with a stare that reminded him that this man before him was far older and had seen more war than Loki ever had and possibly ever would. He may be old but he was still a warrior king.

“You are going to be given this one and only chance. Stay compliant. Stay quiet. Do not interfere in matters far above your station. If you can manage this, you can keep this pathetic little life you seem to covet so dearly. No harm will come to the girl or to you.”

“What matters do you think I could possibly interfere in?” Loki asked.

“You know what. The damage you did to your wife’s former husband and her parents for one.”

Loki’s eyes widened. How did he know? He had been so careful! There was no way that anyone in the house or on the streets could have seen or heard what he did. So how did Odin figure it out? And more importantly, why hadn’t he taken the chance to execute him for such an act if he did know? Was this still about fate or whatever he was on about?

“I do not personally care that you did it to them, they were rather low ranking nobility anyway. I care about the method of which you broke them. You’ve hung onto more magic than I realized.”

“Are you going to try and strip me of it again? Do you think it will stick if you give it another go?”

“And what would that accomplish? No. Let this serve as a reminder that even with all your powers we still have ways of subduing you. A bee may sting but in the end it is only a pest that kills itself in its ire.” Odin grabbed a fistful of Loki’s hair and yanked on it so his head was forced to strain upward. “If you try something again, anything at all, if you take one step away from being the worm in the hole you are I won’t give you the mercy of taking your own life. I will remove the magic binding you to that idiot girl and kill her instead so you may live with the guilt that you caused her death with your disobedience.”

Loki snapped a leg out and kicked Odin as hard as he could. “If you so much as look at her I will kill you!”

Odin straightened, his gaze holding a tempest of fury he barely kept back but it crept out in the stress of his words. “You had best apologize for that.”

“Don’t threaten my wife!”

“It’s a threat for a reason. Now if you don’t beg my forgiveness and agree to the terms I have set for you, I will have someone dispatched to kill your little wife right now. She’s all alone in that shack you call a house. It would be all too simple to end her miserable life without you there to protect her.”

Loki wanted to rage. He wanted to tell Odin to go to Hel. He would actually rather die than agree to anything he said, nevermind beg his forgiveness for a hit he definitely deserved. But then Loki thought of you. He wasn’t even sure what time it was. You were probably at home getting dinner ready and wondering why Loki wasn’t home yet. You’d stand and greet him with a smile and a kiss. You always seemed so happy to see him no matter how much time had passed.

He thought of how alone you were. You were defenseless in a tiny house that anyone with half a brain could break into. Without Loki there acting as a shield you were far too vulnerable and Odin knew it.

Though it cost him what little pride he had retained throughout this interrogation Loki bowed his head and forced the words to his freedom. “I agree to your terms, Allfather…and I beg of you to forgive me for striking you.” Each word felt like poison on his tongue but he forced them out. Each word was another moment closer to getting back to you.

“Maybe getting married was good for you.” Odin scoffed, “It finally made you obedient.”

Finally made him subservient, he meant. So long as Odin could hurt you there was nothing Loki could do to go against him.

“And just to make sure you know not to cross me again…” Odin turned toward the door and opened it. A line of guards filed in as Odin left.

Loki braced himself, nails digging into the seat as the guards descended. All he could do to defend himself was kick at them and bash his head against them if they got close enough. It was not nearly enough but he refused to lay back and take the pain. Their punches may as well have been lovetaps compared to what Loki had experienced a year ago. At least this felt real. His very mind didn’t feel like it was being flayed open again and again until the pain became so unbearable it all just went numb.

Eventually when their beating ended they dragged him out of the cell and he was thrown back onto the streets of Asgard. It was late at night he could tell that much. Hard to tell what time exactly but it didn’t matter. He could go home.

He dragged himself through the streets. Each step felt like it took every ounce of strength to take, his breathing was labored against the icy winter air. They had to have broken some ribs, there was no way they didn’t.

All he had to do was get home. Once he got back to you everything would be fine.

That creaky little house on the horizon may as well have been Valhalla shining bright in the sky. His limping walk quickened as he made for the door. He thrust it open expecting to be greeted with only darkness but you were there waiting for him. Your sleepy gaze settled on him and the relief in his body was so great that all the strength he had used to just to get back home dissipated and he fell to the floor.

---

“Loki!” you shot out of your seat and dragged your unconscious husband the rest of the way into the house. You kicked the door closed and knelt to the ground, picking his torso up into your arms. “Loki! By the gods, what happened? Loki!”

He cringed and rolled his head into your body. “Safe…” he muttered quietly, “You…safe…”

You didn’t know what he was going on about but whatever happened to him left him in dire straits. You fumbled for the candle and lit it, inspecting his injuries closer. Bruises, his nose was broken and bleeding, a few shallow cuts, nothing too terrible from what you could see at first.

You grabbed some supplies and began wiping away the blood and dressing his wounds. Meanwhile Loki was quiet and breathing shakily in your lap. Your hands shook slightly as you tended to him, tears brimming in your eyes as you wondered who would have done this to your husband. Who could even get close enough to do such a thing? Loki was a powerful man, this shouldn’t have been possible. Not unless he was severely outnumbered or outmatched.

“It’s going to be alright.” you told him, your voice choked. “I’m going to take care of you, you’ll be just fine.”

You were able to drag him back to the bedroom and change him out of his clothes. There were more bruises along his body that you couldn’t see before. He winced when you prodded at his chest. Had he broken something?

“My poor Loki,” you laid down next to him in bed, holding him gently so not to worsen his injuries. “I don’t know what happened but you’re home now. I won’t let anything hurt you. I promise.”

You felt his hand reach over and squeeze yours, the only sign that he heard you. You laid your head down, watching as his ragged shallow breaths turned deeper and steadier as the night wore on and sleep overtook him. “Sleep well, my love,” you whispered, “I’m watching over you.”

Notes:

So many questions posed and basically no answers given. Such is the way of building suspense and mystery and plot intrigue and all that other boring crap you gotta do to make a story do the story thing. :p

Chapter 19: Plenty of Time

Notes:

it is almost 3am but i am not going to be home all day tomorrow (today?) so take your chapter! happy reading! I'm going to bed. love ya!

honk shoo honk shooooo.......

Chapter Text

You didn’t go to work the next day. Loki tried to convince you that he would be fine but you refused to leave him. You had barely slept last night. You had been so worried about what may have happened to him when he didn’t come home. Then to finally have him return and be in this state… You couldn’t sleep peacefully after that. You kept waking up to check and make sure he was still there next to you, still breathing.

“You must think I am heartless if you think I would go to work when you are like this.” you said as you checked his injuries over again.

“It is because you are so caring that I am telling you to go to work. I heal fast. Really, darling, there is no reason for you to--mmhh!” he tried to muffle the shot of pain that went through him when he sat up.

“Uh huh,” you placed your hands on your hips. “They can survive a day without me. You stay in bed, I’m going to go make some breakfast for us. Then you are going to tell me what exactly happened that you ended up like this in the first place.”

You went into the kitchen and started mindlessly whipping together some food. Your mind was still with Loki though. In the light of a new day you were able to better assess his injuries. Most of the damage had been inflicted on his torso and head. His arms didn’t show any signs of injury outside of some bruising around his wrists. He was covered in bruises, he had definitely broken some ribs as well as his nose, there were a few cuts but they were shallow enough you didn’t need to worry about them. Being a facial wound though they liked to bleed a lot. Moving around was hard on him right now so he was going to need to stay home from work, not that you were going to allow him to anyway. Whatever had happened last night it was meant to hurt him but not kill him, you could gather that much.

You plated up the food and went back to the bedroom. Despite your insistence that he stay laying down he had forced himself up, leaning against the headboard. You rolled your eyes and handed him the food. “Eat.”

After you had eaten most of your breakfast you looked back at Loki, flinching at the odd bend of his nose and the dark bruise covering one of his eyes. “Loki, who did this to you?”

He paused his eating, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. “If I tell you that I fell--”

“Don’t try and make jokes right now. I want the truth out of you.” you crossed your arms over your chest. “What in the world happened? Last I had seen you everything was fine.”

Loki sighed and set the plate aside. “Alright. But I need you to know that I am truly alright. All of this was just to be petty and put me back “in my place.” I am not in danger and neither are you.”

“Nothing about what you are saying is comforting.”

“Right…” he held out his arm for you and you slid into the space against him. “Yesterday I was ambushed by a spy of Odin’s and he had managed to knock me out. When I awoke I was in the palace again, one of the cells deep in the bowels where only a few people even know they exist.”

Upon hearing Odin’s name your body tensed and Loki held you tighter against him even though the pressure of you against his side seemed to hurt his ribs. “Hush, let me finish talking before you start fretting.” he said.

You swallowed back your initial panic and waited for him to continue. “He had decided that I had been happy long enough and wanted to remind me not to overstep my place or else he’d make sure I’d regret it. Then to make sure the lesson stuck he had his guards beat me. But there is nothing else to fear, my darling. I promise. This was nothing more than him exerting his power over us but we have done nothing wrong so he will not bother us again. You need not be scared.”

“You tell me not to be scared when Odin can apparently decide that we are doing too well and have this done to you for no reason?” your hand cupped his face, careful to avoid the tender flesh of his swollen cheek. “This cannot be allowed. You were absolved of your crimes. You have done nothing to warrant punishment, so why is he still treating you this way? It has been months since your execution, why is this really happening?”

“It is because Odin is demented and had no doubt hoped that I would be miserable in this new life.”

“But you’ve said for months that he wishes to kill you. Why didn’t he?”

Loki paused, thinking hard as he remembered something. “He had said something about fate accelerating if you try to avoid it and that was why he didn’t kill me. I have no idea what he meant though.”

“I haven’t a clue either.” It was strange to hear Odin talking about fate. “There’s something in that, something we don’t know. I mean, what fate is he trying to avoid by sparing you?”

“Who knows.” Loki sighed. “I swear the man has grown addled in his old age, he continues to make less and less sense to me.”

“If he is growing mad then I fear what he may try to do in that state of insanity.” you shuddered at the thought.

“There is one more thing I should tell you.” Loki said, drawing your attention back to him. “I should have mentioned it earlier but I had thought it was giving you some form of assurance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The magic binding our lives together, the reason I said I could not leave you because it would end up killing us both if you were executed…it is gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“I mean that on our wedding night when you had fallen asleep I had removed the magic that was tying our lives together. I was worried that Odin may send someone to kill me in the night and didn’t want you to end up as a casualty because of it.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know how to do that.”

“I said there was probably a way to do it, not that I couldn’t do it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I did it at first to put you at ease, let you know that I wasn’t going to run off and leave you to die for my mistakes. But now I don’t think I need to worry about that. You know by now that I’m not going anywhere but you also deserve to know that if something does happen to me it won’t kill you.”

“You know, I don’t like you saying that if you die I won’t have to worry about dying right after you got kidnapped by Odin and beat up in an altercation that you keep trying to assure me was nothing for me to worry about.” you glared at him. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No. There is nothing, I just felt like it was time I told you. And yes, I can see how what I said when I said in light of recent events seems unsettling. But I can promise you that all will be well. Odin isn’t getting rid of me that easily.” he brought you closer, kissing your forehead.

“Stop comforting me when I’m the one supposed to be taking care of you.” you mumbled.

“You are still taking care of me. Simply sitting here with you makes me feel much better.” he let out a shaky breath. “Be better if my ribs didn’t make it painful to breathe.”

“That reminds me, we should probably reset your nose so it doesn’t heal crooked.”

“Right,” Loki groaned, “Let me just--” he placed his hands on his nose and with a small cracking sound set it back in place. His hands glowed green as he channeled some magic into it and when he pulled back his nose was perfectly healed. “Better?”

“Handsome as always.” you gave his now healed nose a poke. “Can you not use your magic to heal the rest of your body?”

“Healing magic takes a lot of energy and with the extent of my injuries I’d just exhaust myself even more attempting to fix everything. Better to let my body sort itself out as much as I can.”

For the rest of the day you had an easy time at home with Loki. Mostly you just stayed curled up in bed working on embroidering your trousseau while Loki read. You enjoyed these peaceful days together when you didn’t need to say or do anything but simply being in the same room made you happy. You got up a few times to make some tea or prepare some lunch, once or twice you helped Loki to his feet so he could get to the bathing room.

You tried your best to keep your mind away from what Loki told you about Odin. The fact that the man could just steal Loki off the street and move him into some deep cell in the palace didn’t sit right with you. What if one day Odin decided he didn’t want to “avoid fate” and killed Loki?

From the moment you met Loki you had been worried for his life. In the beginning if he had died you would have been sad but at the end of the day he was someone you barely knew. Now he was something to you. He was your husband in more than name. You cared about him and loved him. If he died you would be devastated. How were you meant to move on if he was taken from you now? He went missing for a couple hours last night and you had been beside yourself with worry.

In a few short months he had ingrained himself on your life. You couldn’t imagine this house without him now. Waking up to the smell of him cooking breakfast in the mornings, the small humming noises he made when he was cleaning, the familiar warmth of him against you as you slept. Imagining a life without him now was far lonelier than you could bear. How had you managed such silence before he dropped into your life?

“I just thought of something,” Loki said while you two ate dinner later that night. You had just reheated what you had made last night for the two of you. “Why were you awake so late last night?”

“I wasn’t exactly awake, I fell asleep at the table waiting up for you.”

“I know. But why were you waiting for me?”

“Because I was worried something terrible had happened to you, and I was right.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“There was another reason. You said you made this dinner last night, it’s very nice. So I have to assume that you made it for a special reason.” Loki said, giving you a pointed look.

You mentally cursed how good Loki was at reading you. You didn’t want to mention the real reason why you had made a special dinner. You could always lie and say it was just to make up for mistaking his co-worker for him when you stopped by the library. It was a flimsy lie though and you didn’t like the idea of lying to Loki. He has been nothing but honest with you when it comes to what is going on with him. Was it unfair to mention when he was injured though?

“Well?”

“Fine, I’ll tell you. But know that you bring this upon yourself.”

“Alright, now I’m worried.” he teased with an easy smile.

You took a deep breath, heat crawling up your neck as you admitted this. “I had originally made this nice dinner because I wanted the night to be even more special. I thought it would be romantic.”

“So it was just a romantic dinner?” Loki looked disappointed. “I’m sorry, darling. You had gone to so much trouble and it’s been wasted as a reheated meal in bed.”

“It really is fine. But it was more than just a romantic dinner.”

“What else was it then?”

“I um…” you scraped your fork across the plate, suddenly sheepish, “Last night I was going to ask if you would want to…consummate our marriage.”

There! You said it!

Loki was quiet for a moment. “Are you telling me that not only did I get kidnapped and beaten last night, but I missed the chance for us to finally have sex?”

“Yeah…” you curled into yourself a little. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it and we’ve been plenty intimate with other acts the past several days so I thought it was a logical next step. That’s not to say I was going to ask out of obligation though. I really do want to--you know--but it was really daunting and so I made the dinner and I had even bought this ridiculous new nightgown to wear so I could look nice for you. I wasn’t going to say anything about it since you’re injured and we can’t do anything now but then you asked and I didn’t want to lie so here we are. Sorry.”

“I see.” Loki nodded and swung his legs off the bed. “I’ll be back.”

“What? What are you doing?” you clambered across the bed to grab him.

“No. It’ll be fine, I’m just going to go back to the palace and kill Odin. It’ll take me twenty minutes at most.”

You let out a laugh and pulled him back down onto the bed. “You’re in no condition to make love to me, what makes you think you can kill Odin?”

“I’ll fight through the pain and do both.” Loki sighed, reclining against you. “Why must everything be so complicated?”

“Tis our lot in life I’m afraid.” you smoothed his hair away from his face. “But now you know and you can think of it as motivation to get well soon.”

“I think I can still manage. What’s a couple of cracked ribs?” he joked but even as he said it he took in too deep a breath and winced.

“You ridiculous man.” you kissed his cheek. “You’re not breaking anything else trying to muscle through to have sex. Just wait.”

“Fine.” he grumbled. “Can I see it though?”

“See what?”

“This new nightgown you said you bought. Can I see what I was supposed to come home to last night?” he asked.

“Are you sure about that? If I put it on you know that we’re not going to do anything. I’m just putting it on to show you and then I’m going to change into my normal nightgown again, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.” he winked.

“I think Odin knocked you in the head one too many times.” you shimmied off the bed and rustled through your chest to grab the nightgown. You picked it up and went into the bathing room to change. You had gotten comfortable with a certain level of nudity with Loki but you wanted a bit more of a reveal with this.

You pulled on the nightgown and took a moment to fix your hair in the mirror before going back to the bedroom. “Here,” you said, hands clasped behind your back, “What do you think?”

Loki’s gaze slid over you, taking in every minute detail. “By the stars you are magnificent.” he said, his voice hushed with awe.

Your entire body flooded with heat hearing the compliment. “It’s just a new nightgown.”

“It’s so much more, darling.” he gestured for you to come closer. “I told you before that green looks good on you, this is exquisite.”

His hands ran up your sides, smoothing along the soft silky material of the nightgown. “You were right,” he said, “I shouldn’t have asked to see it knowing we couldn’t do anything. There are far too many impure thoughts running through my head right now.”

“We’ll have plenty of time for that later.” you didn’t want to step away from him but you knew that if you didn’t put the distance between you now you were going to end up in dangerous waters you could not come back from. No matter how much you wanted it, now was not the time.

Loki swallowed and nodded. “Yes, plenty of time.”

“I’m going to go change now.” you turned around and returned to the bathing room.

Plenty of time. You wanted to believe Loki when he said that but with all this business with Odin and your worries about Thanos you wondered if you would have time to do anything. What were your lives to become? Were you only treading water waiting for something to sink you? How were you meant to go on knowing that it could all come crashing down any second?

You just got this life. You didn’t want to lose it. You were not going to stand idly by and watch your husband be abused by Odin and just take it. Something had to be done and if Loki wasn’t going to try then you may have to be the one to enter the lion’s den. The only question left was how?

Chapter 20: Who Pays Attention?

Notes:

I had to update this from my phone so if anything is weird thats why

Chapter Text

A couple days went by and Loki thankfully recovered quickly. His bruises and cuts had healed but his ribs which were still tender and probably would be for a couple days. It was the worst when he breathed too deeply or laughed or sat up too quickly. But he was doing better and that was what mattered.

He was sick of being cooped up in the house though and was going a bit stir crazy stuck inside all day. So when he was pretty much back to normal you brought him with you to buy groceries for the week. You weren’t getting a lot since you blew a lot of money on buying good ingredients for your failed romantic dinner a couple days ago.

It was as you were walking through the marketplace that you noticed a certain energy that you hadn’t experienced in a while. People were watching you as passed, casting looks you couldn’t decipher at both you and Loki. Most everyone was used to Loki by now so you had to wonder why they were staring now. Had someone seen him limping home the other night? No, you had spoken to Meya a few days ago when you were doing laundry at the public laundry house and she hadn’t mentioned any rumors floating around. So why was everyone staring?

“Am I being paranoid or is everyone watching us?” you whispered to Loki as you stopped by the butcher’s shop.

“No, they most definitely are.” Loki said, keeping you close to his side. “And I think I may know why.”

“What is it?”

“It is because…well…my birthday is coming up soon. Before my fall from grace it was considered a holiday. People could put down their work and celebrate but now that I’m no longer a prince the people have lost their day off.” he explained.

“Huh. I never really thought about that.” Now that you thought about it there had always been a celebration around this time of year but you had never paid much attention to it. “I guess I never thought about it when I was a noble and when I became a commoner I didn’t indulge in holidays like that. I had to focus on work and being able to feed myself so it didn’t leave a lot of time for festivities.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to enjoy yourself. At least this year everyone else will be working on my birthday too.” he said with a shrug.

“Well, we don’t have to work on your birthday. Just because it isn’t a national holiday anymore doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate.” you nudged him, “We can take the day off and do something if you want.”

“You’d really want to do that?”

“Yeah, it’s your birthday after all. Just let me know what you think of.” you got your order from the butcher and continued on.

You ran into Meya during your trip and she was hauling a wheelbarrow with her full of what you knew to be sacks of laundry. “Hello you two,” she said, setting the wheelbarrow down for a moment. “What are you doing?”

“Grocery shopping. What is all this?” you gestured to the overflowing wheelbarrow.

“Blame my fucking clients. Seems they all decided to give me their bedding as well as their clothes to wash this week. The time I was off for Yule really backed everything up and now I suffer the consequences.” she sighed.

You had never really participated in Yule the past couple of years. You always just kept working, it made you popular during Yule since people knew to count on you to not be taking time off. Still, your heart bled seeing the pile of work Meya was being forced to handle on her own.

“You know,” you said, “It is the weekend and I don’t have work. Maybe I can help you make a dent in all this.”

Meya’s shoulders relaxed. “You wouldn’t mind? I hate to ask you to work on your days off.”

“Up until a couple months ago I rarely even had days off. I think I can spare a couple hours helping you scrub and fold.” you told her.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” she rushed you in a hug. “I promise I will make it up to you.”

“You don’t need to do all that.” you assured her. You turned back to Loki. “Would you mind terribly finishing the grocery shopping without me?”

“Not at all. Go on and help your friend.” he said, “Just don’t stay out too late, alright?”

“Will do.” he gave you a quick kiss to your cheek and you went off with Meya.

“Things are going quite well with you two it seems.” she said when you were far enough away from Loki. “Any new developments I should know about?”

“What happens in my bedroom is between me and my husband.” you knocked her with your elbow. “What about you? Any suitors coming to call and sweep you off your feet since the last time we spoke?”

“Hardly.” she scoffed. “But my aunt is bragging to everyone that my cousin got a job as a palace maid as if that is a huge accomplishment. It’s not like the pay is any better than being a maid in a noble house.”

“It’s the presentation of it all. Working in the palace sounds a lot more glamorous simply because it is the palace. In my opinion it just means you have that more to clean and keep track of.” It was part of the reason you hadn’t dared trying to get a job in the palace laundry. It paid better than what you did before but it also meant a lot more work and after your fall from grace you didn’t want to spend your days scrubbing noble people’s laundry.

“Exactly my thoughts.” Meya rolled her eyes as you pushed into the public laundry house. “We’ll see how much she likes it when she learns just how much work she’s going to have to do. Not to mention having to learn her way around the palace. It is massive, I can guarantee you she’s going to get lost a dozen times in the first week.”

“Oh yeah, no need to tell me. Growing up it felt like I was at the palace for court every other week and it never got any smaller as I got older. I ended up on my own once to relieve myself and got so helplessly lost it took a guard an hour to find me and escort me back to my family. I didn’t even end up finding a bathroom, I just held it until I got home.” you started unloading laundry and filling water buckets.

“I know we are talking down about the palace but I have to say I’m still curious as to what it looks like in there. I’ve only ever seen it from a distance but it is still made of solid gold. What’s it like?” she asked.

“Bright. If you’re inside during the sunset chances are the sun reflecting off of the walls will blind you.” you joked with an easy laugh. “It is certainly opulent, I will say that much. It almost feels like you’ve wandered into another world when you’re inside. And the views are amazing.”

You remembered this one view from out one of the windows. It looked out on the ocean, sunlight glittering on the surface of the water. You remembered wanting to sit in that window and bask in the light as you stared out on the world below without having to worry about your parents or your duties as a noblewoman to be. For a brief moment all you had to do was enjoy the view.

“Maybe I’ll get to see it myself one of these days.” Meya sighed longingly, “Maybe I can steal one of my cousin’s servant’s uniforms and sneak in for a quick look around. I mean, it’s not like anyone would notice so long as I’m carrying a broom or something.”

“Yeah…” an idea started to creep into your head, “I mean, who pays attention to servants? If you keep your head down you could pretty much go anywhere, couldn’t you?”

Meya shrugged. “I would guess so.”

You helped Meya with her enormous mound of laundry until the sun started to set. You tried to be good company and keep talking but your mind was elsewhere.

You had vowed to not just stand idly by while you and Loki were at the mercy of Odin. You wanted to help, to find someone who would listen to you about the danger Asgard was in. You needed to talk to someone with some authority that would be willing to hear you out. Your first thought on who you could go to was the Allmother. You knew she had a kinder heart than the king and that if anyone in the palace had any sympathy for either you or Loki it would be her. But one does not simply walk into the palace and request an audience with the queen. If a lost maid were to just so happen to come upon her while wandering the palace then that would be more believable.

The idea frightened you. You knew that if you attempted this and were caught then it would be execution for both you and Loki. But who would you be if you sat by and did nothing? You would end up dead anyway when Thanos came to Asgard and tore it asunder. Loki may have believed it would take him years to get here and maybe it would. Maybe Thanos would deem Loki not worth the effort of pursuing and you could live long and happy lives together. But you knew not to stake your faith in mere hopes. If there was a threat to Asgard, a threat to the happiness that you had found with Loki, you needed to fight for it.

You didn’t ask Meya about borrowing one of her cousin’s maid uniforms. You needed to think through this plan that was developing in your head more thoroughly before you decided to risk everything. Not to mention you also had to decide if you were going to enlist Loki’s help or hide your plan from him. You hated the idea of keeping him in the dark but you also knew that he would most likely oppose the idea of you sneaking into the palace when tensions were high.

When the work was done you returned home and ate your fill of dinner before retiring to bed. Your mind was still abuzz with plans to infiltrate the palace, trying to recall everything you knew about the place. It had been so long since you last stepped foot there, what if things had changed? What if you got lost again? You weren’t even sure where you were going to go to try and find Frigga in such a massive place. And if you did get lost and were caught then it would be your neck. The more you thought about it the more you started to doubt this idea could ever work.

“Darling,” Loki said, turning over to collect you in his arms, “Is there a reason you’re tossing and turning so much tonight?”

Shit! You had thought he was fast asleep. “I seem to find myself restless tonight.” you said.

“And why is that?”

“I keep thinking of things that I know I probably shouldn’t.” It wasn’t a lie.

“What sort of things?”

“Things like…um…” you cursed yourself for it but you needed to lie. You didn’t want to get into this tonight. “I was thinking about…”

Damn it brain! Think of something to say!

Loki nuzzled his face into your neck, leaving a kiss there. “Was it about this?” he asked, his hands starting to roam over your body.

“Yes.” you latched onto the excuse. “I guess I got a little spoiled over Yule and have been missing our embraces.”

“We can fix that.” he murmured in your ear.

“And strain your already cracked ribs even more?” you quipped, turning your head to look back at him. “You can’t even laugh without it hurting still, what makes you think we can do anything else?”

“Simple, I keep the attention on you.” he pecked your lips. “You’ve got me wide awake now. How about we try something?”

“What do you suggest we do that won’t end up hurting you?”

“Depends on how far you want to go, dear wife.” he started edging the hem of your nightgown up. “There are all manner of things I want to do to you and I’m being driven mad wanting to do them. But I have to say I’m more curious about what thoughts were going on in your head that were keeping you up. Care to share whatever fantasy was bouncing around in that head of yours?”

You panicked for a moment now knowing that to say. You hadn’t been envisioning any torrid fantasies. Then suddenly your mind was flooded with far too many. You sifted through them in a panic before grabbing onto one and blurting it out.

“I was thinking about how much I like it when you talk to me.” you said, “I wanted you to tell me how to touch myself.”

“Really?” he paused, “You want to put on a show for me?”

“Don’t say it like that!” you hissed. Out of all the stupid little fantasies you just had to say that one, didn’t you?

“I’m surprised is all.” he chuckled. “You want to do this tonight?”

To Hel with it. Might as well get something out of this night. You nodded.

“My brave girl,” he turned you over to kiss you fully. “You want me to tell you what to do? You want me to tell you exactly how you should fuck this pretty pussy?”

“Loki!” you tried to hide your face.

“No no no. You don’t get to hide from this, this is what you asked for after all.” he chuckled, “Now, do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. The first thing I’m going to tell you to do is to get out from under the covers.” You swallowed back any apprehension you had and flung back the blankets. “Now, take off your nightgown, we don’t need it getting in the way.”

Your body shivered as you sat up and pulled the nightgown off over your head and tossed it to the floor.

“Undergarments too.” he said.

A little awkwardly you lifted your hips and pulled the undergarments down your legs, depositing them on the ground along with your nightgown. There was barely any light in the room, only the faint white glow of moonlight reflecting off the snow outside the window. Even still, you could feel Loki’s gaze on you as if you stood exposed in full summer sunlight.

“Arms at your sides, darling. No point covering what I’ve already seen.” he teased.

“It’s less about being modest and more about being naked in a cold room.” you told him, moving your arms away from your chest. The chill in the room had your skin erupting in goosebumps and your nipples hardened against the cool air.

“You won’t be cold for long.” he assured you. “Now, what I want you to do is let your hands trail over your body, starting at your neck and moving down to your chest, your stomach, your hips and then to your thighs. Go slowly, sink into it, find what places make you feel best but don’t linger too long in one place.”

You did as instructed, your body trembling as you caressed it. You wanted to jump straight to what you knew what made you feel good but you stayed slow as instructed, lavishing in the attention you were giving yourself.

“Good. Now back up your body, doing the same thing.” he watched as your hands made the journey up again. “How do you feel?”

“Anxious.” you answered, your reply breathy. “I want to do more.”

“I know, darling. You’ll get everything you want in due time.” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Now, find those spots that you really liked and touch them again. Don’t be too greedy, stay slow and let it build.”

Your heart was pounding as your body was driven steadily higher. A slow burn of heat coursed through your body that began in your face and traveled down your spine to between your legs. You could feel the arousal starting to pool there, your legs were restless keeping pressed closed and rubbing together to ward off the feeling of pleasure building inside you.

“Hands above your head,” he said, “Lie back, bend your knees, feet planted on the mattress, and spread your legs.”

With reluctance you stretched your hands above your head as you were told and spread your legs. You were obscenely exposed and it only turned you on more, having your body stretched out and in a position that was begging to be fucked. Loki cleared his throat but it did nothing to hide the deep timbre of pleasure in his words as he stared at how you were posed.

“Keep one hand above your head, and trail the other down your body once more. Tease yourself a little, touch your thighs, skim so close to this wet and needy little cunt but don’t give in. Not yet.”

As you did so you could feel your cunt fluttering, trying to clamp down around air as it desired to be filled. “Loki,” you whined. “Please.”

“You’ve been doing so well, let’s give you some relief. Go ahead and rub your clit, not too fast though. Keep it slow still, circle it for a bit then you swipe at it as you please.” he watched as you began doing as he said. Your breathing turned heavy as some relief was finally delivered to you. It was a struggle to stay slow as he said but kept his instructions in mind.

“That’s it. That’s my good little wife.” he stretched your head back against the pillow so he could press hot kisses to your neck. “You’re so wet right now, aren’t you? You want to go faster, want something to fill you up, are you feeling empty, darling?”

“Yes.” the hand above your head was fisting the pillow for some semblance of control as you swiped at your clit. “Yes, I am. I feel so empty!”

“We’re gonna fix that.” he grabbed one of your knees and spread your legs even farther apart. “Slide a finger into that tight little pussy, put it in as deep as it can go. Then don’t move, let it sit there for a moment. Feel how your cunt clamps down around that one digit and curl it.”

Your walls immediately clamped around the single finger, trying to draw more into it but you simply couldn’t get any deeper in with your hand.

“Pull it out and push it back in again. Slowly fuck yourself on your hand, still keeping it slow. We’re going to open her up gently so she can take the second finger we’re going to add even easier.” he bit into your shoulder, his gaze shooting down the valley of your body to where your hand was wedged between your thighs.

“Loki!” you moaned, turning your head to look at him.

“Stop.” he pulled your hand out from between your legs. He sucked your arousal coated finger into his mouth. “Fuck, you always taste so sweet. I can’t wait till I can taste it right from the source.”

Oh dear gods above and below, this man was trying to fry your brain with that kind of language.

He noticed the way you were staring at him and smirked. “Next time, I promise. Now back to it, add another finger this time.”

You added a second finger as you went back to fucking your pussy, doing exactly as Loki instructed, slowing down and speeding up at his word. Stopping to tease your clit before going back to fucking your fingers inside your cunt and curling and scissoring them inside to stretch you open even more.

You were starting to lose rhythm, your brain and body finding it harder to obey Loki’s instructions as you felt your climax growing nearer. Your hips thrust off the bed to meet the movement of your hand and that seemed to be all the more Loki needed to stop teasing you.

“That’s it my darling, you don’t have to play anymore. Do whatever you need to make yourself feel good. Don’t stop until you cum, sweet thing.” he turned your head to kiss you, swallowing your moans as you sped up.

“Loki!” you whimpered against his lips, “Touch me. Please!”

He joined your hand between your legs, swiping at your clit as you continued to buck into your hand. His tongue swept into your mouth and you could taste the faint flavor of your arousal on it.

Your moans broke off into a sharp cry as you finally came, your hand stilling but your hips still moving upward to drag every last drop of pleasure out of your body. Loki kept swiping at your clit until the final tremors of your release died down and you were left gasping and humming to yourself as you tried to catch your breath.

“That’s it, darling. Breathe.” he hushed you, running a hand up and down your back. “You did so well. Relax now.”

“I…I’m really…tired now…” you muttered, eyes growing heavy as the adrenaline faded away.

“Well, it is the middle of the night.” Loki kissed your forehead. He used his magic to summon a wet rag and cleaned the mess between your legs and wiped your hand clean after he licked the juices off it. “Do you want to put your clothes back on too?”

You shook your head, not wanting to move any more. Your body felt entirely too hot now to even think about putting your thick nightclothes back on. Loki instead folded the blankets back over your body and kept you drawn close. “Get some rest, my darling. Then in the morning you can tell me what was actually keeping you awake tonight.”

You glanced up at Loki with a guilty grimace. He shook his head and pressed one last soft kiss to your lips. “Best not to try and lie to the god of deceptions again. Now sleep.”

You thunked your head against his chest. You really should have seen that coming.

Chapter 21: Necessary Risks

Notes:

i've been on this website for years and only recently realized that I had my timezone wrong......so much makes more sense now.

Chapter Text

"Are you insane?" Loki fumed when you had reluctantly told him the plan you had half concocted the other day.

"You see, this is why I wasn't going to tell you. I knew you'd disapprove." You huffed. Damn God of lies.

"Darling, my sweet beautiful wife, this isn't just about me disapproving. What you are suggesting is actual insanity." He stressed, "Do you know what you would be risking even attempting such a thing? At best you are reprimanded and tossed out and at worst you are killed. What made you think this was a good idea?"

"Its not like I already did it. You caught me before I could even attempt it." Really. He was acting like he had to come in magic blazing and sword drawn to get you out of a near death situation instead of catching you mid planning phase.

"Good thing too because otherwise you would have gotten yourself killed."

"How is this any less reckless than the things you do?" You snapped at him indignantly.

"I have magic to aid me. I have lived my entire life sneaking around and hiding in the shadows. I may have a chance of sneaking into the palace before my magic is recognized but you would get caught immediately."

"I think you are underestimating me. I'd be dressed as a servant and who really pays any attention to a servant?" You took a deep breath to center yourself. "I think this is something that could work."

"No. I admire that you want to help but this is too much."

"No it isn't. This is the least I could do. I can get in--"

"No! I won't allow it."

You scoffed, arms crossing your chest. "Oh, you won't allow it? Are you commanding me?"

"That's not--" he cut off with a groan, "Fine. I guess I am. I do not want to hear any talk about you sneaking into the palace again."

"You won't even consider it! I'm not helpless, Loki! If this is our best chance--"

"Why are you even considering this? What do we gain? Are we not happy as we are?"

"Odin threatened you, beat you for no reason other than the fact that you were happy. There is a threat to the entire universe coming for Asgard. Why wouldn't we do something?"

"Because what you are suggesting is insane!"

"If you would just work with me--"

"I am not losing you!" He shouted, tears pricking behind his eyes, "If you go and you get caught then Odin will kill you. I refuse to put you in danger like that. So you are going to stay here where I can protect you. End of discussion."

You flinched, an involuntary action but you saw the way Loki’s eyes widened and guilt immediately set in. "Sorry. I'm sorry for shouting but I am doing this for your safety." He gripped your shoulders, "Do not go to the palace, please. I beg of you."

"If I don't listen to you, what will you do?"

"Don't put me in that position." He said, his gaze darkening, "Look me in the eyes and promise me you won't do this."

You wanted to be petulant and scream and tell him no. You knew this could work. The palace is always full and bustling with nobility and guards and servants. One more face keeping their head down wouldn’t be noticed.

But there was no talking to this Loki. This Loki that was scared. This Loki that wanted to keep you safe. He'd keep you hidden in this house where he thought nothing could hurt you.

You had been at the mercy of people who kept you locked inside for their own desires before. You knew it wasn't the same. You knew the threats were different. But you didn't want to sit and wait for something to happen. So you gave the most honest answer you could give. "Fine. I will not sneak into the palace disguised as a servant."

He searched your words for a lie and relaxed when he heard no duplicity. "Good. Thank you."

"I still think it would be a good idea though." You muttered.

"It is very brave of you, my darling. But I will not ask such a burden of you."

"It isn't a burden. Why can't you understand I want to do this. I want to help."

"You help perfectly right here. I don't want you to be my accomplice, I just want you to be my wife."

“So what do we do now? What plan is there?” you asked.

“There is no plan. We continue living our lives as we have been and that is that.”

“Loki.” you looked at him incredulous. “Are you serious? Did none of what I said move you at all?”

“I suppose I do not understand what it is you expect me to be able to do, darling. The palace is no doubt warded to be able to detect my magic so I cannot sneak in like I would, no one of importance is coming to our side of town, definitely not anyone that would be willing to hear us out in the first place. I said I would try if I was given an opportunity but you have to consider the possibility that kind of luck is not going to be bestowed on us. No one is coming to our rescue. It is best to make peace with it now.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

Loki sighed deeply. “Try.” he brought you forward and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I need to get to work. I will see you this evening.”

“See you.” you watched him leave and cursed to yourself. “He is going to hate me for this.”

You went to work as well, a new plan formulating in your mind. You had promised Loki you wouldn’t sneak into the palace as a servant. You did not promise to not sneak in at all though. You would have preferred the mass anonymity of a servant for this plan but that was gone now. You had to commit to it to be able to pass Loki’s natural ability to sniff out lies.

The only other disguise you thought that you could get away with was disguising yourself as nobility. The palace was always flooded with noble people so what was one more face in the crowd? It wasn’t like you’d stick out either. You grew up in that world. You knew how to carry yourself. It was only a matter of looking the part that held you back now. That could easily be remedied with sneaking a dress from your work for a day.

You felt jittery and jumpy with the idea in your head. It almost felt like Loki was going to burst out of the walls and snap at you for trying to work around the promise he made you give him. You weren’t proud of it. You knew that once you did this that Loki would be fuming but better to ask forgiveness than permission, right? If you thought for a second that you were caught you’d flee but you had confidence that this could work.

For your entire shift you thought of everything you could remember about the palace from the couple of times you had been there. You mapped out everything you could remember until it was burned into your brain. Your best bet was to find the queen but that was probably going to be the hardest part of all. In a place so vast and with a quarry so important it was unlikely you’d be able to just come upon her. You needed a plan. A pretext for why you were looking for her that you could give to anyone that asked questions.

You gazed down at the work in your lap and an epiphany hit you. A gift, perhaps?

For the next couple of days you secretly worked on a project. Actually, you were working on two but you kept one of them hidden at work so Loki wouldn’t find it. The gift you had decided to make Frigga was nothing spectacular. It was a shawl that you took great care in embroidering with looping garlands of mistletoe with ruby red and pearlescent berries. You packaged it away in fine wrapping and tucked it away to await the next stage of your plan.

You found a dress that your shop had made for a client that fit you well. It was a simple crimson gown, adorned with fur at the cuffs and neckline, silver embroidery that you yourself had stitched along the hem and bodice. A perfect winter gown and a perfect disguise. It was long enough that no one would be able to see your shoes, the long sleeves and high neck removed the need for jewelry as well. Arrange your hair into something respectable and a dash of makeup and you’d be another pretty noble face in a swarm of nobles flittering among the palace.

“May Loki forgive me for this.” you muttered to yourself as you took the dress and the shawl with you into the upper city. You snuck into an inn pretending to be making a delivery and locked yourself in a washroom to change. When you were dressed and your hair and makeup done you paused, staring at the mirror in shock. The last time you had looked nearly as regal was during that illusion Loki had conjured for you. It was hard to remember there was a time that this is what you looked like all the time.

You shoved your clothes in the narrow space behind the sink. You’d have to come back to grab them later since you couldn’t risk being caught carrying them into the palace.

The palace…

With your plan in motion and the palace so close it started to dawn on you exactly how dangerous this was. There was a reason that Loki had tried to forbid you from doing this. You understood that. If you wanted to back out now was the time.

For a moment you considered it. You looked at yourself in the mirror and scoffed at what you saw. You were a noblewoman no longer. You were so desperate to be of use, to do something for Loki, to help Asgard, that you had blinded yourself to the consequences.

This may very well end up being your last day if things took a turn for the worst. Were you really willing to risk everything you had built just for the chance to possibly talk to Frigga?

Then you remembered the night Loki came home bloody and broken. Kidnapped and beaten for the simple act of living comfortably. You remembered and your blood boiled.

You were done bowing your head and turning your cheek to the harsh treatment of the world. If you didn’t fight back now, would you ever be able to?

Your resolve renewed you left the washroom, the mask of nobility that you had worn for the first several years of your life slipping into place as if it had never left. You walked with purpose, keeping your gaze straight and your chin up as you neared the palace gates. Your heart hammered in your chest but you refused to let any of it show on your face.

The guards out front did not so much as blink as you strode past them and onto the palace grounds. You were in. So far so good. No guards immediately running in to apprehend you. All you had to do now was find the queen.

You entered the palace. Part of you wanted to gawk at the splendor of it all like you were a child but you reminded yourself that you were playing a part today. You were not some peasant seeing the palace for the first time. You were a proud and unimpressed noblewoman that had walked these halls a million times. Your only interest was getting where you were going.

Your feet carried you through the halls you could remember. Court was not in session right now so you knew to avoid the throne room. Your best bet for finding Frigga was to go to her room but you had only the vaguest notion as to where the royal family’s rooms were. It was somewhere not easily accessible, you knew that much. You wouldn’t be able to come upon it and feign ignorance if you got caught there by the wrong people.

So you walked and wandered, stopping to linger to admire a portrait or tapestry when you needed a moment to calm yourself and figure out where to go next.

It was all starting to get frustrating and worrisome when you noticed how dark it was getting outside. You had been wandering for hours and had seen nor heard any trace of the queen.

This was a terrible idea. Why had you done this?

You were about to cut your losses and flee the palace before anyone noticed you were there when a final idea came to you. Loki had mentioned that his birthday was soon approaching. Two years ago such an occasion was celebrated throughout the realm as a holiday. The royal family celebrating the prince. A mother raising a toast to her youngest son.

You knew Frigga cared for Loki. You knew that she loved him. And this was the second year that she couldn’t spend with him.

It was a long shot. If you were wrong you would have wasted even more time and risked getting caught even more. But you owed it to Loki to try.

You left the walls of the palace and braced the cold snow covered grounds of the gardens. Past the gardens were a line of buildings ranging in size and shape and color. Temples for the gods. Frigga and Odin’s were the easiest to spot. Next to them you recognized the crest of Thor adorning one of the buildings, stature slightly smaller but no less grand. And next to Thor’s…

The temple that was once Loki’s was smaller than his brother’s. It was made out of gold and dark obsidian stone. The crest that should have adorned the doors, his symbol, had been removed but no other attempts at removing the temple had been made.

You took a deep breath and approached, noticing with a rush of excitement that a pair of footprints in the snow already led inside.

The door was not locked and gave way easily under the slightest push of your hand. Inside the temple was dark. Only a pair of sconces at the far end were lit, illuminating a figure kneeling at the altar, back shaking softly. Upon hearing the door open they straightened but did not turn. “Who goes there?” they said, voice rich in authority but tinged with sadness.

“I came seeking an audience.” you answered, closing the door behind you. You took measured steps towards the altar, parcel clutched tight to your chest. “May I join you, Your Majesty?”

She turned, facing you for the first time, and you saw the red rim of the queen’s eyes. “You have done an incredibly foolhardy thing, risking coming here.”

“I am aware.” you knelt next to her side. “You do not seem entirely surprised to see me.”

“I figured you would. I saw it but I did not know when it would happen.” the queen sighed. “How did you know to find me here?”

“Luck mostly.” you held out the parcel. “I had meant this as an excuse if I got caught but seeing as how I made it here I can give it to you in earnest.”

She took the parcel but did not open it. “How is he?”

“We live well. Some struggles at first but we have managed to carve a happy life out for ourselves.”

“That is good.”

“Not all good.” you said, catching her eye.

Frigga paused, motioning for you to stay quiet. She drew some rune into the altar and channeled a glowing gold magic into it. “Speak quickly, this will only hide us for so long. Even these walls have ears.”

“Odin hurt Loki. Kidnapped him off the streets and beat him for the crime of being too happy in his new life.” you told her, the words rushing out.

Frigga blinked, reeling from the information you had dropped on her so suddenly. “What do you mean Odin hurt Loki? Why?”

“I said why. Apparently there was a spy that had been able to render him powerless to be able to take him.”

“Damn it all.” she hissed. “I thought I was keeping his gaze away from you two. I knew he was sending out spies but I had been doing my best to intercept them, erasing whatever incriminating information they had gathered from their minds before letting them make their reports to Odin. My husband may be half blind but he is hard to fool.”

“You’ve been helping us?”

“Trying to.” she took your hand, “Listen child, there are machinations at work that I cannot avoid. If I can tell you anything it is to be very careful. There are demons that have not been laid to rest.”

You remembered that Loki was not the only reason you came here. “Your Majesty, I have something I need to tell you. Something that involves the safety of the very universe.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You know more than I realized. What do you know?”

You were about to explain when Frigga held up a hand to stop you. She paused, searching the air for…something. She frowned, turning to you with a look that let you know that this conversation was no longer private. Whatever magic she had done to hide you was over and someone was listening in. Her countenance changed in an instant, straightening and taking on a calm formality.

“Thank you for coming to check on me. I will return now, you may be on your way.” the queen said, rising to her feet.

You stood with her, copying her tone. “Of course, Your Majesty. And I hope you enjoy your gift.” you eyed the parcel in her hands, trying to indicate with your eyes that it was not all that it seemed.

She nodded once, a slight dip of her chin to show that she understood and gestured for you to follow her out of the temple. You felt a familiar tingle and warmth of magic settle over you as you stepped out of the temple. Up ahead you saw someone walking towards the temple and your blood froze.

Odin.

Frigga jutted her chin towards the palace gates and you bowed your head deeply before walking away, trying to keep up your wall of cool indifference. You felt Odin’s gaze flick over you but it didn’t linger, instead landing on his wife.

You turned and strode for the gate, keeping your gait even and unhurried despite how desperately you wanted to run. You figured that Frigga had put some cloaking magic over you but you weren’t risking any unforeseen consequences by behaving irrationally.

You were able to keep up that mask of calm until you got back to the inn. You locked yourself in the washroom and sunk to your knees. You collapsed, unsure if you’d ever get your legs to support you again after that. But you had done it. You got in and out without getting caught. You talked to Frigga, had even managed to get the present to her and the secret you had stashed with it.

Now the only thing left to do was pray that Odin didn’t suspect anything suspicious of the noblewoman he saw talking with his wife.

You also had to go home to Loki and admit to what you had done. He deserved to know what you talked about. You just knew he was going to be livid. You changed back into your regular clothes, dusting off the expensive dress and wiping away the make up and undoing the careful arrangement of your hair.

You did the right thing. You knew you did. You only hoped Loki would see that too.

---

The shawl you had given Frigga laid spread on her bed. The embroidery was gorgeous but it was not the shawl itself that she had her attention on right now. That was the note you had stitched into the lining. Everything that you had not been able to say in the temple was written here.

She pored over the note, memorizing its contents before burning it as the instructions at the bottom said. For as much stress as the past year and some odd months had been, Frigga found herself smiling. Her son had married not only a very brave girl, but a clever one as well.

Chapter 22: What Needs to Be Said

Notes:

Being real brave and updating from my phone cause I am not gonna make it home to my laptop anytime soon. Love ya!!

Chapter Text

You went back to the house, rehearsing what you were going to say to Loki the entire way. The more you rehearsed though the more your explanation sounded like excuses. He was going to be irate. You had only seen him mad a few times and they had never been directed at you, unless you counted your spat the other day when you told him about this plan to sneak into the palace. You wouldn’t even say he was mad, more exasperated.

This was going to make him mad though.

No matter how angry he got you knew it would be nothing compared to the anger Audor directed at you on a near daily basis. You knew you didn’t need to fear him screaming or throwing things or attacking you. He may raise his voice but Loki had promised long ago that you had nothing to fear from him. You prayed that was still true. You’d hate to have finally opened your heart and mind open to the idea of loving again just to have it crushed into dust.

You made it home and Loki was inside cooking dinner. “There you are, you were working late tonight.” he said. “How was…” he trailed off, looking at you closer.

There was no way he could tell just from you coming in the house, could he? Then again, you didn’t exactly look innocent.

He took the pan off the stove and walked up to you. “There’s magic surrounding you.” he reached out and you saw a wisp of magic curl off your body and into his hands, “Frigga’s magic, I know its aura well.”

His eyes darkened as he stared you down. “Tell me you did not.”

“You said not to sneak in as a servant. You said nothing about sneaking in dressed as a noble.” you said, guiltily.

“You--” Loki bit back whatever he was going to say, crushing the magic in his hands.

“Loki, I--”

“I told you not to.” he fumed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I told you it was dangerous and you went anyway. Do you even have any idea what could have happened to you?”

“But nothing did. Obviously I made it home safe.”

“That is not the point!” he snapped, “I am glad you are safe, but what if something had happened? What if you had gotten caught? I would not have known where you were or what had happened until it was far past the point of being able to help you. You very well could have gotten yourself killed today!”

“I had to go! Don’t you realize that?” you snapped back at him. “We are struggling out here, Loki. With threats looming in the distance and Odin terrorizing us, we cannot stay idle! I would have loved to have worked with you, to have told you more about my plan so it’d go by smoother but you refused to listen to me.”

“This was foolhardy!”

“It was necessary!”

“No! It wasn’t!”

“Yes it was! We needed someone to listen to us! To hear what Odin has been doing and what--”

“No! We didn’t! We don’t need anything from them! You just decided to play the martyr again. Sacrificing yourself because your stupid bleeding heart won’t let you leave well-enough alone!”

“This isn’t “well-enough” though! This is barely surviving! If Odin can decide to kidnap you off the streets for no reason what’s stopping him from being even worse to us on a whim?”

“So what? You thought going into his house where he has even more authority was the smart move?”

“It ended up being! I found the queen, you saw her magic on me. She cloaked me. Odin would never have known I was there, I am sure of that.”

“What if you weren’t as careful as you thought? What if, despite all your best efforts and the belief that you got away with this insanity, you actually were seen? What if Odin knows? What if he had known the entire time and just let you walk around to see what your foolhardy plan amounted to?”

You blinked. Loki was shaking and there was fear in his eyes. The same fear you saw when he woke in the middle of the night.

“What if he was waiting for another offense to be able to end all of this?” he spat, his voice dropping to a whisper.

“Loki, is there something you need to tell me?”

He sighed, collecting you in his arms and squeezing you tightly. “Do not ever go to the palace again. I beg you.” his words caught as he tried to swallow back a difficult emotion. “I do not want to see you dead. Please, do not put me through that.”

“Loki…” you hugged him back, not sure entirely what was going through his head. “I’m sorry. I am very sorry for going behind your back. I do not regret my actions but I am sorry for the state they have put you in.”

“I’ve only just found you.” he whispered, “I don’t want to lose you now.”

“I’m not lost. I’m here.” you squeezed him tighter, “I’m right here.”

“How many times must I say that you are all that matters to me in this life?” he stressed, “Whatever else and whoever else may be out there, all I wish to protect is right here. Just let me do that. Let me keep you safe.”

“My Loki…” you hushed him.

You had prepared yourself for him to be irate with you and he was, but more than that you could see he was worried. Not only worried, he was scared. Terrified over the possibility that you could have been caught and killed today. And if you had been less lucky you very well could have been.

You knew what you did was important. You knew that getting to Frigga and telling her what was going on was the right thing to do. But having your husband shaking in your arms reminded you of all that you had to lose. Loki had said you had just found each other. He didn’t want to lose you and you especially didn’t want to lose him.

There was a love inside you greater than anything you ever knew before. You had never expected to find someone that you loved like this. Never dared to hope that you could have this kind of happiness with someone. When you saved Loki’s life you had few expectations for what this “marriage” would be. It had long since stopped being a convenience but even as your feelings grew you hadn’t crossed that final line into letting it be a true marriage.

“Loki,” you picked his head up from off your shoulder so you could look in his eyes. “I love you.” It was surprising how effortlessly the words rolled off your tongue.

His eyes went wide and before he could respond you continued. “And I want you to make love to me. Take me to bed. Please.”

His grip on you loosened, a sudden distance growing between you that made your heart seize. “If you’re only saying this because you think I’m still mad--”

“I would never.” you wove your arms around his neck, pulling him back. “I do love you and I want to be your wife, not just in name, but in body and soul.”

He pressed his forehead to yours. “I love you as well, my darling.”

“Even though I did what you told me not to?”

He chuckled warmly, “We are going to talk about that, I know you have more to tell me regarding your little adventure.” He scooped you into his arms, “After though. The problems will still be there in the morning, tonight I don’t want to think about any of it. I only want to take the woman I love to bed.”

Loki carried you back into the bedroom. Your heart was hammering in your chest. So much had happened today and so much was yet to happen still. It felt a tad ridiculous to feel so nervous about sleeping with him considering that this was not the first time you had been intimate. It would be the first time you’d actually be together as husband and wife. Your marriage finally consummated.

Loki set you down on the bed and you noticed that it had yet to be made up. “Right,” he said, looking at the bare bed. “I had meant to put fresh sheets on when I returned home but I started cooking dinner instead.”

“Not a problem.” you looked over at your trunk and fished out the trousseau Loki had bought you for Yule. The sheets that you had spent weeks lovingly embroidering with snowdrops. You had decided on them because they symbolized hope and new beginnings. That was what you wanted from this new marriage bed. A new and better beginning.

Loki eyed the bundle in your hands. “These are clean, never been slept in before.” you said. “New trousseau for a new marriage, right?”

“Right.” Loki took the sheets and helped you make up the bed. There was something warm and intimate about making up your marriage bed together. It grounded you and reminded you just how different this was from your last marriage. Everything was so much better.

Once the bed was made up, you stood on the other side across from Loki, rocking back on your heels. “Do…do you want me to change into the nightgown too?” you asked quietly.

“It’ll just get taken off soon anyway, you don’t need to bother tonight. But I would love to see you in it again another time.” Loki said. You watched as he removed the shirt from his body and nodded to you.

With a deep breath you began removing your clothes as well, copying him as layers were peeled away to reveal the naked flesh underneath. It was nothing new to him but it felt more exposing this way. Like that morning he inspected your body for the illusion. His gaze was much the same, it never changed no matter how much he had already seen you like this.

This was far from an illusion though. The air seemed to buzz with anticipation as you faced each other, the bed the only thing between you now, both as naked as the day you were born.

“Second thoughts?” he asked when you didn’t move. “It is alright if you aren’t ready yet.”

“No, I am. But I have a lot of thoughts in my head. The last time I did this I didn’t really do much and it was over and done with in maybe five minutes. I don’t want this to be anything like that.”

“It won’t. If I can promise you one certainty in this life it’s that I won’t abuse you or use you. I only want to love you and keep you safe. So, if at any point you want to stop, we stop. You need only say the word.” he held a hand out for you. “Do you trust me?”

You knelt on the bed, taking his hand. “More than anything.”

“Good.” he pressed a kiss to your hand. “Lay down, let your legs dangle off the edge of the bed.”

Your brow furrowed. “Why?”

“I need to prepare your body and it’ll be easier kneeling here then trying to get into this position on the bed. Because, and I don’t know if you know this, this is a rather small bed.”

You scoffed, your smile growing. “It was plenty big enough when it was just me.”

“One day when we get a better home the first thing we’re doing is getting a bigger bed. Now,” he gently pushed you back so you were lying horizontal across the bed. Loki stretched over you, kissing your lips. “I love you.”

Those three words filled your heart so quickly you felt tears start to mist your eyes. “I love you too.”

His lips skated down your body followed by his hands. He handled you with reverence, each touch was slow and deliberate so he could commit every sensation to memory. Then he knelt to the hard floor and spread your knees apart. He continued his devotion, kissing your knee and pressing soft pecks along your thighs. For a moment he rested his head against your thigh, his face was burning against your goosebump raised flesh. His breath puffed like steam against you, so achingly close to your core it took everything in you not to snap your legs closed in embarrassment.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to your thigh. “Not even Valhalla is worthy of you, my darling.”

Your breathing came quicker. “High praise indeed.”

“It is not nearly enough. But hopefully, I can show you the praise you truly deserve.” he kissed your sex, lightly, a little warning and promise of what was to come.

His mouth moved against your cunt again, slowly kissing and lathing his tongue between your folds. It was a strange sensation but a pleasurable one. And here you had thought that nothing could have surprised you since you weren’t a virgin. When it came to Loki you realized there were many things still left to learn.

“Doing well up there?” he asked, pulling away for a moment.

“Yeah.” your words were as shaky as your legs. “It feels good.”

“Here,” he took one of the hands you had fisted in the sheets and put it on his head. “Keep hold here.”

Your fingers threaded through his hair and when he went back to playing with your cunt, you latched on, pulling him in closer.

His tongue glided up and down, moving from plunging into your pussy, lapping your arousal up like a man on the brink of starvation to teasing and sucking on your clit. More and more moans escaped you, your mind blank except for what he was doing. It felt good. It felt so incredibly good you wondered why you had been holding back on this for so long. If you had known that it could feel this nice you would have bedded him on your actual wedding night.

“Loki!” you moaned, your body coiling for an orgasm already.

“I know, darling. I know you want to cum.” he replaced his tongue with his hand inside your pussy. It was more filling and the thrusts of his fingers stretched you out even more. “Cum whenever you want. It won’t be the last time you do tonight.”

Gods above this man was going to be the end of you.

He thrust his fingers inside you, opening you up bit by bit. His mouth was still on you, greedily playing with your clit while his fingers got faster. Both your hands wound into his hair, tangling the raven black locks tight, unwilling or unable to let go.

“Ah…Loki…” your voice jumped an octave, “I…I’m gonna…” your words broke off again into breathy moans.

You hadn’t realized your hips had started moving, thrusting up to meet his tongue and his hand until he pushed them back down onto the bed with his free arm. You glanced down reflexively to see why he had pinned you and locked eyes with him. His pupils were blown wide, his eyes glazed over with lust, and wholly focused on you. You could see the demand in his eyes even though he said nothing. Don’t look away.

You kept your hands tangled in his hair, your body trying to move to meet his touch, desperate for relief. You could feel it edging closer and with Loki staring at you with that hunger in his eyes as he devoured you was quickly becoming your undoing.

His fingers in your pussy were unrelenting, his mouth latched around your clit, sucking it so harshly it almost bordered on painful. Close--close--so close!

“Ha! Ah ah fuck--” you spat out between tremors, “Loki!” You cried out, your voice desperate and needing as you came. Your whole body was flooded with warmth that flowed like honey that was warmed by the sun through your veins. It pooled and cooled in your head, your brain struggling to work through the pleasure that was just delivered to you and breathe at the same time.

Loki rose from his knees, wiping the shine of your arousal from his chin. “And to think I did not think you could look more radiant.” he murmured. Your gaze followed the motion of his hand but then fell lower to his cock. You gulped. It was hard, flushed red and practically twitching with need. Did he become that aroused from eating you out alone?

If he noticed where you were staring he didn’t say anything. Instead he helped turn you so you were lying vertical on the bed, your legs no longer hanging over the side.

“I feel…I feel…” your words were nothing but sound in your head that you couldn’t make sense of.

“Good?” he prompted. You nodded. “That’s it, breathe, we’ll keep going when you’re ready.” He laid down next to you. You could feel the heat of his erection pressing against your thigh but he acted as if it wasn’t even there. Not even when you felt a drip of precum hit your skin.

You took a few more deep breaths, letting your heart slow just a tad. You had a feeling it wasn’t going to stop beating like mad until you were asleep.

“I’m good now.” you said. “I want to keep going.”

“You sure? You’re still trembling.” he rubbed a hand along your side.

“I’m not going to stop any time soon.” you told him. “Please Loki, make love to me now.”

“As you wish, my love.” he kissed you once more, his tongue delving past your lips as he rolled you to your back. He rested his body against yours, the feel of your flesh against each other helping to keep you tethered to reality. This close you weren’t sure if the wild thumping against your chest was your heart or Loki’s.

When you asked him to make love to you there was a part of you that was worried you’d end up being unable to do it. There were so many bad memories you wondered if you’d be able to enjoy this at all or if everything from your previous marriage was going to ruin this one too. But now, with Loki in your arms, his soft words of love and devotion and assurance in your ear, you wondered why you ever thought such a ridiculous thing. He was your husband. Your love. He wouldn’t hurt you. Not now. Not ever.

He didn’t even need to ask for you to spread your legs, they opened on their own, eager to be joined with him.

“I’m going to put it in now,” he said, “We’re gonna go slow so don’t worry. Relax your body.”

“Alright.” you hummed. Even though he told you to relax your body was strung tight with nerves.

“Hey,” he touched your cheek. “Stay here with me. I’m going to take good care of you, I promise.”

“I know. I know you will.” you smiled up at him, leaning forward to kiss him again.

He took in a deep breath that you copied, notched himself at your entrance, and slowly pushed in. He rocked his hips slowly, easing your body and pushing deeper inside bit by bit. Your body stretched to accommodate him, opening easily enough thanks to your previous orgasm. When he lay fully inside you he paused, his eyes closed in concentration.

“Loki?” your voice wavered with need.

“Give me a moment, my darling.” his voice was even shakier than yours. “I’m trying not to blow before we even get started. You feel fucking incredible and it’s been so long I’m trying not to lose it completely.”

You could feel his cock twitching inside you, desperate to move but he wasn’t going to go further until he was sure he could hold out long enough to please you too.

When he did finally start to move it was slow and smooth. He started shallowly, barely leaving your pussy at all before sinking back in. When the worst of his shaking ended he pulled out more and thrust back into you a little harder than before. The friction of his cock dragging along your walls sent sparks up your spine so they exploded in bursts of ecstasy in your brain.

“Loki,” you said, your nails raking against his back. “I want to help. Please.”

“Here,” he held you by the hips and started easing them up to meet his thrusts. “Move just like this.”

It took a bit but you got into rhythm, your hips moving together to make each other feel good. It really was a wonder having a partner that cared. A partner that wanted you to feel good instead of just taking from you. A partner that loved you.

You felt yourself start to cry. There were so many emotions running through your head and sensations in your body that it only felt right to weep right then. You were moaning and hiccuping with sobs and Loki noticed and stopped.

“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” he asked, his voice bleeding with concern.

“No. Nothing’s wrong.” you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close. “I’m happy. I’m so happy it is overwhelming.”

“My darling,” he kissed away your tears, “I love you. I love you so much.”

"I love--I love you, Loki!" You pressed quick darting kisses across his face.

"Stay here with me." He practically begged, "Just stay here with me, my love."

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." You promised him. You never wanted to be apart from him.

You moved together, each touch and breath making your pulse quicken. The bed creaked under you and your moans and cries of each others names echoed in the small room. Your bodies slid against each other, buds of sweat making the hair at the nape of your neck stick to you.

You were quickly losing any sense, your body unable to keep up the steady rhythm you had been in. Loki was also feeling it, his pace getting quicker as the need for release grew.

"Loki, I think I’m--I'm--" you broke off into keeping whines.

"Me too! Fuck, darling, me too!" He sucked a bruise onto your neck. "I can't hold on much longer."

He grabbed one of your hands and thrust it between your bodies. "Touch yourself. I need you--fuck--I need you to cum with me! Play with your clit for me!"

You swiped at your clit, everything inside you boiling to a point. "Say it." You whimpered. "Say it again. Please!"

"I love you." He stared into your eyes. "I am always going to love you."

With your free hand you grabbed the back of his neck and yanked him down to kiss you again. You swallowed his cry of pleasure as you hit your climax at the same time. Your cunt clamped down tight around him, milking his release.

You began to relax as you panted, trying desperately to catch your breath. Loki rolled over but he took you with him so you were laying on top of him. His arms locked around you, keeping you plastered to his body.

"Wifey?"

You laughed lightly, propping your chin on his chest to look at him? "Yes husband dear?"

"I don't think I can ever be productive again."

"Why is that?"

"Because I fear all I will ever be able to think about now is having sex with you."

You snorted, pressing a kiss to his chest. "How romantic you are, my love."

He ran a hand along your spine, tracing its curve with his fingertips. "Do you want more romantic words? Give me a moment to gather my senses a bit more and I'll give you a hundred sonnets."

"I don't need sonnets. This is more than enough." You felt loved and desired, right down to your toes. It was more than you could have ever hoped for.

"I'd give you the stars if I could."

Something else became apparent to you in that moment. "Um Loki, I've never had to use it before but did you happen to do some kind of magic to keep me from getting pregnant?"

His eyes snapped open. "Damn it all." He pressed a hand to your abdomen. "Forgive me darling, I didn't even think of it."

He removed his hand. "That should keep anything from growing from this coupling...unless you had wanted something to occur. I'm not opposed I just don't know if we are in the best position to be welcoming a child--"

You cut him off with a kiss. "I don't want a kid right now either. But glad to know you were so willing."

"I want everything with you. I'm not scared to say it anymore."

You laid your head back down, relishing in the closeness and the pleasurable ache in your limbs. You would have a lot to discuss in the morning. You knew you owed Loki a proper explanation about what happened while you were at the palace. But it could wait one night. Right now, you were husband and wife completely. That was all either of you needed to know tonight.

Chapter 23: An Unending Ache

Notes:

I am in finals week hell so please excuse that this chapter is a little late and for not getting to comments last chapter. I have to go finish an essay now. (T v T) Love ya!!

Chapter Text

There was a pleasant ache in your body when you felt yourself wake. A certain giddiness had also flooded through your blood, warming you from the inside out. It was not just the fact that you had finally bedded Loki as you had been wanting to do for weeks, months if you were more honest with yourself.

As wonderful as it was finally sleeping with him, and it was wonderful, your mind was still with what had been said. You had admitted to him that you had fallen in love with him and he responded in kind. You had never known that you could be so cared for. If it wasn’t for the feeling of dried fluids on your thighs and the heat of Loki’s naked body curled around yours you may have been tempted to call it all a pleasant dream. It was gloriously real though. Your body was satisfied in ways it had never been before and you were loved in a way you had never dared hope to have.

After your lovemaking you had donned your robes and meandered back out to eat the dinner that had gone cold. The meal didn’t last long as you both couldn’t stop eyeing each other. Each little movement and sound felt amplified and you had barely stored the leftovers away before you were rushing back to the bedroom for another round. You made love again and again until your bodies were sated and too tired to continue.

It was amazing. Yet, as your mind pulled itself into waking you felt the bitter reality start to creep in.

Yesterday you had gone against Loki’s wishes and snuck into the palace to find Queen Frigga. You had found her and were able to pass along a message but you had risked much to see this mission through. If not for Frigga’s enchantment you very well would have been caught by Odin as you left. There was no telling that he hadn’t caught wind of you earlier either. You took a gamble and only time would tell if you lost.

You were not ready for that conversation. You didn’t want to fight after such a magical night together.

You felt Loki stirring, multiple parts of him in fact. “Darling,” Loki muttered drowsily in your ear, “Am I dreaming?” His hands caressed your body as if confirming that you were naked against his body right now.

“No, my dear.” you answered, letting your worries about your impending conversation melt away as your body awakened at his touch. “Why do you think you are?”

“Only in my sweetest dreams did I wake with my beautiful wife in conditions such as these.” his hand drifted to your thigh, gently pulling it up. “I’ve had many fantasies of taking you just like this.”

“What a coincidence, so have I.”

“Why did we not start doing this sooner?” he asked, pressing kisses along your neck.

“I think it started with us being strangers when we wed and then a couple months of getting to know each other later you got injured and we had to postpone the sex until your ribs were better.” you turned your head to look at him, “I’m guessing they’re feeling better now.”

“Much.” he pecked your lips. “I’m gonna put it in now.”

He slid his cock inside and you felt yourself wince a little, a reminder of how sore you were after last night. “Hush now, it’s alright.” he coaxed you softly. “I know everything is still tender, I’ll be gentle I promise.”

You laid there together for a while unmoving, his cock wedged in your cunt. It felt intimate, being joined but not only for pleasure. There was something comforting about being this close. So while the feel of him warming himself inside you made you squirm with anticipation you also didn’t want it to end. Your body was buzzing and begging for movement but you wanted to stay this way a while longer.

“How long do you think we can justify staying in bed?” you asked.

“I’d find a way to let us stay in bed all day without any guilt.” he pressed his hips closer, nestling a little deeper inside you. “But I think we both know that if we do that it means we’re just avoiding other topics we need to discuss.”

“And what’s so wrong with that?”

“Darling.”

You huffed. “Fine.” You purposefully clenched around him. “But right now?”

“Right now,” he palmed one of your breasts, “I want to feel my wife cum around my cock.”

He began rocking his hips against yours and the sudden friction after having him stagnant inside you made you moan loud. The slow and steady drag of his cock along your walls, the way you felt stretched and full every time he slid back in, it would be enough to drive you insane. How did the man have so much patience? If it were you in charge right now you would have been taking him like an animal in heat.

“Hold your leg,” he moved your free hand to hold your thigh up so he could reacher deeper inside you. “Fuck…” he hissed in a low voice, “That’s it, darling. Keep yourself open for me.”

One of his hand stayed on your breast, pinching and pulling at the bruised and sensitive nipple while the other swept between your legs and circled your clit. Your nails bit into your thigh as you tried to stay tethered to reality. But all the sensations were stoking a fire inside that felt like it would explode at any second. “Lo--Loki--” you panted. “I--I want to--”

“I know you want to cum, darling.” he bit at your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna stop until you cum. I’m only gonna cum when you cum.”

“Oh fuck…fuck yes…” your eyes closed in rapture, “Loki! Fuck, Loki, feels so good--ah!”

“That’s it, darling. Cum for me. Cum for the man that loves you.”

“Love you!” you gasped, the press of his fingers on your clit getting more insistent. “Love you! Cum for you!” you were starting to blather, words losing coherency as you pleaded for release.

“If you love me you have to cum for me.” his thrusts got quicker, “Cum for me! Please darling just cum for me! I love you so much, you have to cum.”

“Loki!” your voice broke into strangled sobs of pleasure as the orgasm crashed over you. Your hips canted back to meet his and the tight grip of your hot pussy was the last bit that Loki needed to cum as well. He stilled, his cum emptying into your deepest parts. Fuck…was sex really always supposed to be this good? How come you had deal with such bad sex before this?

Loki was holding tight to you, breathing heavily as he came down from the high. He sighed a little, resting his head against yours. “I really am going to be useless from now on.” he muttered. “How am I supposed to want to do anything else but fuck you?”

You chuckled, “A little over the top, don’t you think?”

He shooks his head. “Not at all.”

You eventually pulled yourselves out of bed and Loki went to the bathing room to draw a hot bath for you to soak in. “As much as I love the sight of you disheveled like this I know that your body is going to be angry at you for the amount of sex we had last night…and this morning.”

You sunk into the hot water with a sigh of relief. “Worth it.”

“Good to know.” he pressed a kiss to your forehead and left to start making some breakfast. The heat of the water and scent of the soap relaxed your body, taking the aches of lovemaking away with them. You didn’t want to get out but eventually the water began to grow tepid and you knew you couldn’t stay unless you wanted to risk getting sick.

You threw on a warm and comfortable favorite dress of yours and sat down with Loki for breakfast. You could feel the cloud looming over you as you continued to ignore the awaiting conversation. When you risked looking at him you caught his eye and the both of you seemed to freeze in that instant. That was it. No more avoiding it.

“My darling,” Loki said, pushing his food off to the side, “What happened yesterday?”

You sighed, pushing your plate away as well. “Should I start at the beginning?”

“Might as well.”

“Right, well…” you started explaining how you had snuck into the palace and how most of your time was roaming as much as you could without arousing suspicion.

“I was about to give up and leave when I remembered the temples and how close your birthday is. I know the queen cares about you so I decided to check there and if she wasn’t there then I’d leave. But she was there.” you said. “I told her about how Odin had kidnapped and beaten you for no reason. She said that she’s been trying to help us by keeping Odin preoccupied and intercepting his spies when she can. I tried to tell her about Thanos but she stopped me because she said our conversation wasn’t private anymore. That’s when she put the enchantment over me and I left.”

“And you said you hid a note in the lining of the shawl you gave her?” Loki had been deathly quiet the entire time you were talking.

“Yes. I was scared I wouldn’t have the time to say everything so I wrote it down and put in instructions to burn it after she read it.”

“Anything else?”

“There was something that she said that did worry me.” you tried to remember the exact wording, “She said that we needed to be careful because there were machinations that she cannot avoid and demons that have not been laid to rest. Do you have any idea what that could mean?”

“No. But then again Frigga has always had secrets she kept guarded close to the chest.” Loki steepled his fingers together in thought.

“Am I not in trouble anymore since you know I didn’t get caught?”

His gaze flicked to you, incredulous. “You may not have been caught but what you did was still dangerous. I’m worried that your luck will make you think that you can accomplish such a thing again.”

“I got to say what I wanted to say, I have no reason to go back.”

“So you’re saying you don’t want to try and sneak into the palace again to find the queen and ask her what she was talking about when she said that there was something dangerous going on that we needed to be on the lookout for?”

You hadn’t really considered that until he said it. “No…”

His stare turned to stone. “You are not going back.”

“I didn’t say I was going to!”

“I could see you were thinking about it.”

“If I was thinking about it its because you put the thought in my head in the first place. And besides, I think that if we give it some time and I go in again, this time maybe as a servant like I originally planned I could--”

“No.”

“Loki, can you at least consider it?”

“How many times do I have to say I don’t want you putting yourself in danger before you stop trying to put yourself in danger!”

“Well, if you help me then it will be a lot less dangerous, wouldn’t it?”

“You--” Loki stopped, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “You got lucky. We will not press our luck by having you go back to the palace. I don’t even want you to think about the palace ever again. You said your piece, if Frigga is kind she may be able to do something but that is it. This is out of our hands now.”

“I thought you’d care more.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Betrayed or not you were a prince of this realm. It was your duty to look after the people of Asgard and protect them as someone who was in line for the throne. Why wouldn’t you care?”

“That was a long time ago.”

“It was two years.”

“And those two years have felt like an eternity. I have long since stopped seeing myself as someone who was ever a prince of this realm. I was almost executed and no one outside of you cared.”

“Frigga cared--”

“Please stop.” Loki sighed, growing agitated. “I know that she cares. It does not change the fact that she had a choice. She always had a choice to let me know what I really was, to go against Odin, to do something more and she never did.”

“Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she was being forced to stay quiet. You don’t know for sure.”

“All I know is that I do not care anymore. Caring has only ever hurt me.”

“You care about me. Does that hurt you too?”

Loki’s expression dropped. “No. No, of course not. Loving you has only ever brought me joy.”

“At least it will until something happens where I end up hurt.”

“That isn’t what I meant--”

“It is. I think the problem is that you don’t want to commit to something without lifetime guarantees. Maybe that’s why you’ve been able to be so open with me. We were married the moment we met and that’s a bond that cannot be broken lest you be taken back to the gallows. And you don’t think anything can hurt me so long as you are there to protect me. One person is a lot easier to shield than an entire realm, isn’t it?”

Loki blinked. “And what’s so wrong with that?”

“I cannot be your sole reason for living, that’s a lot of pressure and in your desire to protect you may accidentally smother. I don’t want us to get to that point so we need to talk about it now before this goes any further, before others end up getting hurt.”

“What others?”

“How about last night when you said you wanted children? If we have kids one day you aren’t always going to be around to protect them from everything too. Caring about something comes with the risk of getting your heart broken, that’s just the way it is. Accidents happen. Senseless tragedies lurk around the corner. It cannot be helped.” you took his hands, “You say that I am all that matters to you but I don’t think I am. You care about the people of Asgard, I know you do. You don’t want them to get hurt but you don’t think you can protect them all so it’s easier to remove yourself from caring than face the pain of losing them.”

Loki squeezed your hands. “How did someone as clever as you get stuck in such horrible circumstances. If the court had known someone so perceptive walked among the nobility they would have snatched you up in a heartbeat.”

“Your words are sweet but they’re avoiding the subject.” you pulled yourself closer to him. “Be honest, please.”

You could tell Loki was struggling to say what it was he was really thinking. He didn’t want to admit it but you could see the truth plainly on his face. “I want to help.” he said at last, “And I feel useless. I can’t get into the palace because they’d be able to pick up on my magic and I’m not in a position of authority to be helping anyone in a way that matters. So yes, I only want to keep you safe because that at least I can do.”

You hugged him close. “You’re not useless and we can help in a way that matters, it’s just not the way you’re used to. We have to get creative but you’re a very clever man, I know you can think of something. But you also need to trust me to help too. It isn’t your burden alone.”

“You really want to get involved in this?” Loki looked at you, almost pleading you to back out, “It’ll only paint bigger targets on our backs when it comes to Odin.”

“I’m already involved and Odin already hates us. At least if things go wrong we’ll have earned the consequences instead of sitting idly by waiting for them.” you offered him a reassuring smile. “For better or worse, we’re in this together. I promise.”

“You and your bleeding heart, fine. We will work together from now on.”

“Yes! I promise you won’t regret--”

“That being said,” he gently cut you off, “It won’t be for some time. We need to formulate a plan and stay off of Odin’s radar for a bit. That means going about life as normal and pretending this conversation never happened. Understand?”

You nodded. “I understand. Stay low and plan our next move. I promise not to do anything without consulting you first.”

“Good. Now, how about we discuss what we are going to do for my birthday in a few days. I’ve gathered a couple ideas together, especially now that we can have sex.”

You muffled a short chuckle. “How many of your plans are just different sex acts?”

His face tinted pink. “The percentage doesn’t matter.”

“I disagree. I thought we’d be doing something other than having sex all day for your birthday.”

“And we will do something other than have copious amounts of sex, I promise. It’s simply a matter of picking what other activity to do.” he defended himself.

There was a battle on the horizon, you knew that much. There were still so many questions you had but they’d have to find their answers another day. You had no idea what was waiting for you but you felt better knowing that you had Loki on your side as well as the queen. You only hoped that would be enough.

Chapter 24: And Many More

Notes:

I finally finished the semester! Hopefully now that I'm not stressing over grad school for a couple months until next semester I can get some buffer chapters written up so I don't have to have kinda late uploads. Grad school is HAAAAARD! UGGGGGGHHHHH!!! Damn you higher education!

But whatevs! We're here! We lived! Time to celebrate and relax a little! Happy reading everyone!

Chapter Text

“I have to say, Loki, I am surprised.” you said as you walked hand in hand with Loki towards the frozen lake. “When you said you wanted to go ice skating for your birthday I thought you were joking. I thought for sure you were going to keep us locked up in bed all day.”

“You think too little of me, my darling. I said before I didn’t want us to only have sex. I had other ideas.” he said. “And you’ve never been ice skating so I thought this may be a fun activity for us.”

“How often did you go ice skating before?”

“It is something I did much more when I was younger but there were some winters I’d find myself back out at the ponds around the palace as I got older.” Loki answered. “I still remember how to skate so I’ll be able to help you along.”

“Glad to hear it. Maybe then I’ll come out of this with my backside only slightly bruised then.”

“Yes, bruising your ass is for later.”

“Loki!” you hissed. “We’re in public!”

“Right, apologies.” he pulled you closer and pressed an apologetic kiss to your head.

You had found some second hand ice skates when at the market earlier that week and tied them on when you got to the lake. There were a few people that were already there gliding along the frozen surface. Loki stepped out on the ice first, finding his bearings immediately and held a hand out for you.

“Don’t be scared, I won’t let you fall.” he said.

“You say that now…” you muttered as you gingerly stepped out onto the ice. He held you firmly by the arms as he showed you how to keep your balance.

“We’ll take it slow. Follow me.” he kept a hold of you as you started to move forward.

You felt like a baby deer on brand new legs. But Loki kept his promise and didn’t let you fall as you started getting a feel for how to move. “That’s it, you’re getting it.” he moved to your side, keeping you upright with one arm linked with yours.

"I think I'm actually doing well!" You said excitedly.

"That's great. Time for the next step."

"What's that?"

"Trying it on your own." He let go.

"Loki!" You tried to keep hold of him but he had pushed away leaving you wobbly and unsure on your own.

"Don't panic. You're doing great." He said encouragingly. "Try skating towards me."

"I think you really overestimated how much I--" you lost your balance and fell flat on your butt. "Ow."

Loki skated over. "Bad luck there. You were doing really well." He held out a hand to help you up.

"Was I?" You grabbed his hand and pulled him down with you.

"Don't take it out on me, darling." He smiled and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "No one can be perfect from the start. Come on, let's try again."

You spent the afternoon gliding around the lake to middling success. You only fell twice more but you were quick to pick up on what to do. Mostly you kept hold of Loki as you made loops around the lake. He couldn't help showing off a little, doing stuff like skating backwards and balancing on one leg.

When your faces were stung cold by the wind you decided to return home. You were walking back arm in arm with smiles on your faces when a snowball rocketed from out of nowhere and hit Loki in the face.

You turned to see where it had come from. In your bliss you had accidentally wandered into the middle of a children's game of snowball. They had stopped and were watching you and Loki with a certain degree of fear.

You started laughing. Watching as Loki shook the show out of his hair. "Find this funny, do you?" He summoned a snowball and smashed it over your head. "So do I."

"Oh now you've done it." You ducked away from him. "Get him kids!"

The children erupted into giggles as they prepared snowballs and hurled them at Loki, their game resuming in earnest. Loki chased after you, dodging hits as he tried to hit you with more snowballs. Then the bastard started cheating and used his magic to conjure flurries of snowballs that flung out at you and the kids.

The children were reveling in it, laughing like mad and ducking out of the way. Loki smiled and sent a small tidal wave of snow at them. It crashed over the kids who popped out the top like daisies in the spring. Some were shouting "Again! Again!"

While he was busy indulging the kids you tried sneaking up behind him. You were about to smash a large snowball the size of your head over him but he turned at the last moment and caught you, pulling you down to the ground as the kids started their assault again.

"Was that revenge for pulling you down on the lake?" You asked, failing to hold back your amused smile.

"Partly." He grinned. He looked down at you nestled in the snow, large delicate flakes caught in your hair like alabaster flower petals. "I also wanted the excuse to do this." He closed the distance between you and kissed you soundly.

Your cold face warmed as he kissed you, tongue probing past your lips to taste you deeper. You were already out of breath from running around and he had stolen any you had left. You wouldn’t have been surprised to find that the snow around you had melted into spring after such a kiss. Your sweet moment was interrupted by another hail of snowballs raining down on you.

"Go be gross somewhere else." One of the boys shouted.

"Gross?" Loki looked at them with revenge in his eyes.

The kids laughed and threw more snow at you. "Striking while the enemy is compromised. Smart kids. But you made one fatal error. The only one who gets to throw snowballs at my wife is me!" He conjured another wave of snow that sent the kids scrambling and shrieking with laughter as they tried to outrun it.

While the kids regrouped Loki helped you up. You tried wiping the snow off but it had melted into your clothes and the cold was really starting to set in. "This was fun but I think its about time we leave." You said.

"No!" The kids whined. "Can your husband stay and keep playing?" They asked.

"Sorry, have to go with the wife on this one." Loki told them. "It’s late anyway, you should be getting home to your parents."

The kids grumbled but reluctantly turned to go home. You took Loki’s hand and tugged him back towards the house. “That was nice.” you said. “I didn’t think we were going to end up caught in a snowball fight but it was fun. I was worried for a second you were going to get mad when they hit you with that snowball at first.”

“No. They’re just kids, it’s not like they did it to be mean.” he shrugged.

You leaned on him, trying to sap some warmth from him. “I’m doing a lot of things for the first time today. First time ice skating and the first time I’ve been in a snowball fight.”

“You never got to have a snowball fight as a kid?”

“As if my parents would let me do such a thing.” you scoffed. “I didn’t exactly have any clothes for play either so my nanny couldn’t take me out behind their backs. I’m realizing there are a lot of things that I didn’t get to do as a kid because my parents didn’t think it was appropriate for a noble child to do.”

“Like what?”

“Climb trees. Swim. Race. Pretty much anything physical, which is terrible as a child because you have so much energy.” you sighed. “As much as my nanny tried to give me normal experiences there was only so much she could do while under my parent’s thumb.”

“It’s ridiculous. You were a child. I mean, I was a prince and I was still allowed to do all those things and more. It was encouraged even. Anything to get my brother and I out of the palace where we could wreak less havoc.” Loki’s sweet reminiscence turned sour as he realized what he was saying, as if he were ashamed to be remembering something good about his childhood.

You gave a little squeeze to his side. “It’s alright to have fond memories. You don’t have to view everything as a lie or a bygone era. You can remember something and be happy remembering it.”

Loki didn’t say anything but he did nod, hopefully taking what you said to heart.

You made it back home and changed into dry clothes before starting dinner. You made a nice hot stew to combat the cold weather and warm you up after a long day out of doors. As you sat down to eat you slid a simple wrapped package over to him.

“What’s this?” he asked, taking the package.

“It’s your birthday, I got you a present.” you told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Go on and open it.”

He undid the wrapping and nestled inside was a handkerchief, seemingly plain until he turned it over. On the other side an L was embroidered on it and surrounding it was an elaborate wreath of golden autumn leaves.

“It was a little last minute but I thought you deserved to get something on your birthday.” It was rather hastily done. You would have preferred putting in some more details and making some of the lines cleaner but you couldn’t strive for perfection on such a time crunch.

“I love it. Thank you, my darling.” he ran a finger over the stitching. “You really do have a gift, everything you make is so beautiful.”

“It’s just embroidery.”

“Don’t play down your talents.” he gently tucked the handkerchief away. “You deserve to brag about them more honestly.”

“I feel like you’re just saying that because you’re my husband.”

“I would never. You have genuine talent and it deserves to be recognized.”

“Thank you. Now, did you want the second part of your present?”

“There’s a second part?”

“Well, the second part is actually whatever you want.” you said with a knowing smile. “You said you had many ideas for today and we’ve yet to do any of them.”

“Oh, I see.” he matched your grin. “You seem more excited about my present than I am.”

“I’m curious as to what you want.” you had been pondering what exactly he was going to ask for all day and by now you were getting jittery with anticipation.

“First, I want you to go back to the bedroom and put on that nightgown you bought.” he said. “Then keep yourself seated on the bed until I come back to join you.”

“Right now?”

“Are you done eating?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes. Right now.”

You stood up and walked into the bedroom, your heart beating fast as you pulled on the diaphanous green nightgown. You sat at the edge of the bed and waited. You wondered briefly why Loki was making you wait and then you heard the sound of dishes clinking together and the rush of water.

“Are you cleaning up dinner right now?” you called out to him.

“Someone has to.”

“It’s your birthday! I would have cleaned the dishes tonight!” you started to stand.

“You had better still be sitting on that bed.” he called back as if he could see through the walls.

“Or what?”

“Don’t tempt me, darling. I doubt you want me to bruise your backside more than it already has been today.”

Your face caught fire. “Didn’t you say you’d do that anyway earlier?”

“My my, does my sweet little wife want me to spank her until she can’t sit on anything besides my lap? That changes my plans but I’d be more than happy to indulge you.”

Your legs pressed close together, staving off the burning inside you at the thought. You hadn’t thought that’d be something you’d like but there was something alluring about it.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” you shouted back, hoping it didn’t betray how turned on the thought actually made you.

You heard him laugh in the next room. “My wife is so adorable. I’ll be sure to indulge your fantasy shortly. Maybe not to such an extent tonight but I do love the idea of spanking you till your ass is hot to the touch.”

You covered your face as heat coursed through you. “Loki!”

“You called?” he was standing in the doorway now. “This is exactly what I wanted to see, dressed so prettily and so adorably flustered.”

“You’re terrible.” you muttered, looking away.

“It’s my birthday, how can you say such a thing?”

“You’re teasing me.”

He stepped closer, bringing his face a mere breath away from yours. “I like teasing you and I know you like it when I tease you too.”

He chucked you under the chin. “Now wifey, can you be a dear and help me out of these clothes?”

You nodded and stood up. You were shaking a bit as you helped tug the shirt off over his head. No matter how many times you had sex and saw him like this you were struck dumb by just how beautiful he was. It really was not fair for a man to look so nice.

You reached for his pants, undoing the laces and pulling them down. You noticed even before you got them undone that he was already hard. Could feel the heat of his erection straining against the fabric. Seriously? How was he hard already? Was he warming himself up while he was also doing dishes? You wouldn’t put it past him.

Once he was naked you straightened up and waited for more instructions. He studied your face for a moment and kissed you gently. “I love you,” he whispered. “And I love that I get to have such a wonderful birthday with you.”

“I love you too.” you relaxed into his touch. “I’m glad we got to spend today together too.”

He laid down on the bed and pulled you on top of him. “You know what I want you to do for me tonight?”

“What?”

“Be in charge.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he placed your hands on his chest, “Do whatever you want. That’s what I want for my birthday. I want to see what my wife will do when she has me at her mercy.”

“I thought you were going to--I--what am I even supposed to do?” you had never been allowed to be in charge in the bedroom in your last marriage. When you and Loki were testing out intimacy you were the one usually in control but that was more just heavy petting and grinding. You were put in charge because it was a test of how comfortable you were. But this? You had no idea what you would want to do. You thought of many things you wanted him to do to you but what could you do to him?

“Whatever you want, that’s the beauty of it.” he rubbed your thighs. “Take control.”

This man was going to be the death of you. You didn’t know what to do but there was no getting around it. The best way forward is through as they say. Might as well start somewhere and find your way along as you go.

You bent closer, aiming to kiss his lips then paused. You changed tactics and instead kissed his forehead. You pressed soft kisses across his face, down his temples and cheeks, the tip of his nose and even teased him a bit by kissing just the corner of his mouth. You could tell he was waiting for you to kiss him proper but you grinned and skipped past his lips to his jaw and up to the shell of his ear.

He sighed as you peppered kisses down his throat and across his shoulders. Your hands trailed over his body, caressing whatever they found, no real rhyme or reason. You mapped his body, feeling the muscles in his arms flex under your feather light touch and feeling the way his heart beat strong and steady under your palm. Wherever you touched you followed with your mouth, mapping his body with gentle caresses and kisses.

When you pulled back to admire your handiwork you noticed him preening under the attention, smugly satisfied like the cat that got the canary. You leaned back down, cupping his face and kissing him in earnest. For as patient as he was acting the desperation in his kiss betrayed his actual feelings.

“Soon.” you promised in a gentle murmur against his lips.

You placed your hands on his shoulders and raked your nails down his chest, leaving harsh red lines against his pale skin. You liked that. You liked seeing marks you made standing out against his perfect porcelain skin. Proof that he really was all yours to do with as you pleased. He was your husband, your love. He was yours.

You brought your mouth back to his throat and bit into his neck, sucking a dark bruise into the flesh. He moaned as you continued, biting and sucking wherever you felt like. Dark bruises and bite marks decorating the once blank tapestry underneath you.

“Someone’s having fun being in charge.” he said, his voice deep with arousal.

“You said to do whatever I wanted.” you reminded him.

“I know. And I must say I am enjoying it immensely.”

“I can see that.” you chuckled, pushing your hands through his hair to get it out of his face. “I’m liking it too.”

You shuffled a bit so you were straddled around his hips, his cock hard and red, resting back against his abdomen. He was so hard it almost looked painful. What to do with this now?

You teasingly ran a finger from the base of his cock up to the tip. Another long groan of pleasure rippled out of him and a drop of precum leaked back onto his stomach. Hmm…

You gathered the precum on your finger and popped it into your mouth. It wasn’t bad.

Loki watched with a choked expression, his hands dug into your thighs but didn’t move otherwise. You didn’t get a chance like this a lot. You cupped his balls, weighing the sac gently in your hand. His breathing came faster and his cock twitched in excitement as you fondled him. You briefly wondered if you could make him cum just like this. As much as the idea of teasing Loki like that was, it was his birthday. You’d give him a sweeter experience and hopefully tease him again another night.

You lifted the edge of the short nightgown up higher so your naked cunt was visible. Arousal had been pooling between your legs like a flood this entire time and it was very clear now. You took Loki’s cock in hand and pressed it against your clit, rubbing him up and down your slit until he was coated in your arousal.

“Darling…” he moaned, watching transfixed as you handled his cock. You pumped him a few times, giving him even more of that delicious friction he was craving.

You knew what you wanted to do but were nervous to do it. You had never been allowed to be the one on top before. Would you be any good?

“Loki,” you called out to him, breaking him from the trance he was in watching you use his cock to play with yourself. “How do I please you?”

“You’re doing it right now.”

“No, I mean how do I…” you bit your lip, “How am I supposed to move?”

“Oh.” he smiled at you. “All you have to do is put it in and find whatever feels good to you. I’ll help if you really need it but I don’t think you will. Go with your instincts, you’re doing great.”

“Alright,” you took a deep and lifted your hips. Loki helped notch himself at your entrance and you slowly began to sink down. He slid in easily and you threw your head back as you were finally filled.

It felt different in this position, almost as if he was in even deeper. You didn’t know if he actually was but it felt that way. You stayed there for a minute getting used to the new position before deciding to try and move. You started by pulling your hips up and thrusting back down. It was kind of awkward at first but the more you kept going the smoother it got. It also helped that Loki was helping keep you in a rhythm by holding your hips.

“That’s it darling, you’re doing so well.” he said through his moans. “You feel so good.”

“Yeah?” your legs were starting to get tired from thrusting. “This is more work than I thought it’d be.”

“It can be tough being the one in charge, I know.” he chuckled a bit. “You don’t need to keep doing big thrusts like that, sit back down on it and rock your hips. See how that feels.”

You did as he said and rocked your hips against his. A new wave of sparkling pleasure coursed up your spine. Oh fuck yes! This felt so good! You moved your hips quicker, finding this rhythm a lot faster as his cock hit some deep pleasurable spot inside you.

You started panting as you rode him, desperately clawing towards a release. “That’s it, darling.” he took hold of your ass, kneading his hands into the soft flesh. “Fuck! You feel divine! Keep going! I want to feel you cum as you ride me.”

“Want--want you to cum too!” you sputtered out as you kept moving. “Please! I want to make you feel good too!”

“I know. You’re doing it. Just keep riding me like you are. You make feel so good! I want to cum for you, darling!” he started thrusting up into you.

“Loki!”

“You’re so good! Best fucking present I’ve ever gotten!” his head fell back against the pillow but he was still watching you through half-lidded eyes. “I love you! I love you so much!”

“Love you!” your hips started losing rhythm, rolling erratically against him as you followed that one singular goal. “Loki! I--I want--ah!”

“What--what do you want?” he stressed through clenched teeth, barely able to keep the words together.

“Cum in me!” you pleaded, hot tears of pleasure rolling down your face. “Please! Cum in me!”

“Oh fuck! Yes! Fuck yes! Fuck yes! Fuck yes! Ah!” he slammed you down harder on top of him and with a guttural roar that felt like it shook the room he came. You felt the thick shot of his cum coat your walls and you clamped down as you came too, blubbering helplessly as your body kept moving, riding out the wave as you milked every last drop from him.

Your body started to tilt backwards as exhaustion crept in but Loki caught you and pulled you down on top of him. “Come here,” he murmured, holding you tight to his chest. “That’s it, breathe.” his voice still sounded shaky.

“Loki…” you nuzzled your face into his neck.

“You did so well, my love. I should put you in charge more often.” he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Happy…happy birthday.” you offered him a serene and sleepy smile.

“Thank you.” he breathed out, the both of you relaxing after such an exercise. “This has been the best birthday I’ve ever had. I mean it.”

“I think the post orgasm high is saying that.”

“Nope. This is the best.” he tilted your head up to kiss your lips. “I hope we get to spend many more birthdays together.”

“Me too.” you found his hand and interlaced your fingers. “So many more.”

Chapter 25: Forest Path

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

For the next couple of months, life was good. The cold endlessness of winter melted into the bright warmth of spring. You worked and came home to your husband. Nothing bad had happened outside of a few domestic spats. It was enough to make you believe that nothing could ever go wrong again. That maybe life could just go on like this and you could be happy where you were now.

You and Loki were even talking about saving money to buy a better house. He had used his illusion magic to craft the perfect house in your mind. Something cozy with flowerboxes on the windows, a living room with a roaring fireplace, a bigger kitchen, a linen closet and a pantry, a nicer bathroom and a bigger bedroom with a proper wardrobe to put your clothes in and of course a bigger bed. There’d be a yard out the back with a big oak you could sit under on warm days and ivy growing up the side of the house.

There had been one door in the house that you hadn’t opened but you had a feeling you knew what was behind it. It was an illusion crafted from the desires in your head. When you had reached for it though Loki gave you a little tug back. It wasn’t time for that, not until you could make this house a reality. So you let it go for now.

Still, as sweet as life was and these hopes for the future were, you knew it couldn’t last. The ever present threat of Odin and Thanos hung over every happy moment, like a storm on the horizon. You had avoided doing anything for months because you did not want to risk Odin catching wind of what you and Loki were doing. But now you were getting antsy and Loki could see it.

Your domestic break was over and it was time to put this peace at risk again. You needed to find a way back into the palace to see Frigga and learn what it is that she couldn’t tell you before.

“Loki,” you said, swirling your tea around in your mug during breakfast, “I think it’s time for us to seek out Frigga again.”

Loki sighed deeply, not surprised but definitely disappointed that you had to return to this. “Is this something we have to discuss over breakfast?”

“Will discussing it over dinner be any better?”

“Yes. Because we won’t have to go into work after our meal and I can distract you with sex.”

“Loki.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” he leaned back in his chair, “I really do not want you going back into the palace.”

“Well, is there anywhere outside of the palace I could run into her?” you asked.

“Unlikely.” he said, “She’s been especially absent from the public since my almost execution. I’m not sure what’s going on but whatever it is it’s meant to keep her within the palace gates.”

“So what do we do?”

“Damn it all…” he muttered under his breath. “I’d prefer to leave it be but I know you won’t let this rest. So as much as I hate the idea…I think we may have no other choice but to send you back into the palace.”

You reached across the table and took his hand. “And you’re sure you are fine with this? You trust me to do this and not get caught?”

“Yes. I hate it but I do not know what other choice we have.”

“I’ll see if I can borrow a servant’s uniform from Meya’s cousin. I’ll keep my head down, find Frigga, get the information and get out as fast as possible.”

Loki groaned, resting his head on the table. “I do not like this. I can only think of the myriad of ways it will go wrong.”

“I don’t know how else to make this better. Is there a certain day or time that would make this easier?”

Loki picked his head back up. “Now that you mention it, I think there is one day that you may be able to get in that’ll be safer for you.”

“What is it?”

“Frigga’s birthday is coming up. The celebration will be immense and the palace will be crowded with people, lots of servants, it’ll be easy for you to blend into the chaos.”

“But how do I get the queen alone on such a huge day? How would I even get her attention?”

“That’s easy. She has a tradition on the morning of her birthday that she does every year. Right as dawn is breaking she walks out to woods near the palace by herself. She says being in the old forest helps her reconnect with her roots.”

“Wait, you mean the forests that no one is allowed to enter because of how magically charged and dangerous it is? The forest that is filled with beasts and by taking one step into you could possibly become lost forever?”

“A lot of that is blown out of proportion, but yes.”

“You want me to go there? I’d rather try and sneak into the palace.”

“It’s the only time she’ll be alone that day. It may also be the safest space for you to talk about something in secret.”

“This is insane.”

“Suddenly because it involves a dangerous magical forest you don’t want to do it anymore.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it. I am saying that I cannot believe I have to.”

“You’ll be perfectly safe. I traversed those woods many times as a child and only got lost a handful of times. All you need to do is follow Frigga. And if worse comes to worse I’ll go in and find you. Does that make you feel better?”

You nodded. “I’ll be sure to tell Her Majesty you wish her a happy birthday as well.”

It wasn’t hard to get the servant’s uniform from Meya’s cousin. Meya asked why you needed it but you told her the less she knew the better. That was all she needed to drop it. Whatever you were doing sneaking into the palace for, it was something she didn’t need to get messed up in.

You took extra care to mask your appearance. All you had to do was get through the palace gates and make your way towards the woods. The woods did extend past the gates so you could have gotten in through the outside but you weren’t risking it. There was a reason no walls had been built through the woods, they counted as their own barrier. Which is why you were really not looking forward to going in there after the queen. Even if it was one foot inside you weren’t entirely convinced the forest wouldn’t swallow you whole.

No. You could do this. The fate of what could be the entire universe was at stake. You could go in a forest.

Loki walked with you in his disguise to the palace servant’s gates. Even at this terribly early hour when the sun had yet to even rise there were dozens of people already awake and bustling about preparing for the big celebration. You stopped a couple streets over and Loki took your hand.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked a final time. “We can still turn around and forget about all of this. I won’t risk you if I don’t have to.”

You cupped his face in your hands. “I’m sure. I promise, I’ll be back before you know it.”

He sighed, holding you close. “You better keep that promise, darling. And if you aren’t back here by noon then I’m coming in after you, consequences be damned.”

“It won’t take me that long.” you and Loki had gone over the route on how to get to the forest from the servant’s entrance a hundred times by this point. “I’ll see you in a couple hours. I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to your lips. “I love you too. Be safe.”

You took a deep breath and let go of him, hustling toward the gates. You kept your head bowed and slipped in without so much as a blink from the tired guards. So far so good. Now you had to get to the other side of the palace where the gardens were, get through the gardens, and find Frigga at the edge of the woods. With some luck you’d be able to catch her before she even went in. You had to hurry though, the sun was crawling higher in the sky by the second.

You repeated the directions Loki gave you over and over in your head. You grabbed a random sack to make it look like you were delivering something and kept going, hoping anyone who saw you wouldn’t try to steal you away for an actual job. It was working. The hectic bustling paired with the groggy minds of early risers made certain that you could move through the palace practically unseen. The servant’s tunnels also helped in moving to the other end of the palace quickly.

You were able to get to the other end of the palace and out into the gardens. This is where things got a little trickier. The only people supposed to be out here right now are gardeners, people wouldn’t start setting up decorations or anything until the morning dew had evaporated. Still, you followed Loki’s instructions and kept to the border of the gardens and moved slower. If you were seen speeding through here it would be easier to clock you as an intruder. You needed to walk slowly but with purpose.

It felt like forever before you finally got to the end of the garden. The neatly arranged garden beds and stone walkways slowly disappeared as they were replaced with wild and unkept flora. The forest loomed in the distance.

You had never approached this forest before and you could tell in an instant why no one came here. Even from several yards away you could feel the energy of an ancient magic unlike any you had felt before thrumming in the air. It felt like you could feel the power of the forest pulsing in the ground under your feet. Loki spent time in here as a child? Willingly?

You shook off the feeling and scanned the treeline for Frigga. Maybe you made it here before her? You got closer, looking between the trees for any sign that she was inside. Damn it. You couldn’t see anything. It was well past first light, she should be here by now. Did you miss her?

You looked behind you to see if you could see her coming when you felt something coil around your arms, legs, and neck before pulling you back into the forest. Your scream was cut short as you were yanked back. You were pulled deeper and deeper into the forest until you could no longer see where you had come from.

This wasn’t happening! Loki said the forest was safe! Why was this happening to you?

You squeezed your eyes shut, as if that would stop this from happening, and in a way it did. Whatever had latched onto you let go and you stopped moving. You carefully opened your eyes and had to get your bearings as you realized you were no longer in the forest. It looked like you were in a room made of stone. It was grand but you didn’t know where it could have come from.

On the floor there was a child with inky black hair playing with a puppy. “Excuse me?” you addressed the child, “Can you tell me where I am?”

The child ignored you, either because they couldn’t hear you or they were too involved with playing with the dog. There was a knock on the wooden door behind you and in walked Odin. You froze, terrified that you’d be discovered and punished but his gaze never even settled on you. Odin also didn’t look the same. He was younger here, his hair a honeyed blonde instead of white.

He looked at the child with a smile. “Are you enjoying your present?” he asked.

The child looked up with glee, a couple teeth missing in their wide smile. “I’m trying to teach him how to roll over.”

“Maybe training him to go to the bathroom outside would be a better first lesson. Speaking of lessons,” he held out a hand for the child. “Come along, you’re having lessons with me today.”

“Yay!” the child launched off the floor and jumped to take Odin’s hand. “Can my puppy come too?”

“Sure.”

“Come here, boy!” the child called back to the dog. The little thing jumped up and followed Odin and the kid out of the room. Was this…was this a memory of Loki as a child?

You tried to follow them but the second you walked through the door you were somewhere else. The golden palace. A younger version of Frigga stood with Odin who was hunched over his desk. “Husband, you must speak to me. What is it they told you?” Frigga asked him.

“It is my burden to bear.” Odin said, tucking something into his pocket. “Do not concern yourself with it. I will see it does not come to pass.”

“If it involves our child then it is of my concern. If you would tell me now then maybe I could help--”

“No!” he snapped, standing suddenly from his chair. “I will…I will handle it on my own. You must trust me, even if it seems cruel, this is the best I can do.”

Odin hefted Gungnir in his hands. “It is my duty as Allfather to see to the protection of these realms. That is my deepest honor and greatest burden.”

He strode out of the room. Frigga sighed, tears falling from her eyes as she kept herself steady on the corner of the desk. You felt your heart breaking for her all over again. What were these memories? Why were you seeing them?

You took a step closer to Frigga and she stopped crying, her head lifted and her eyes met yours. They didn’t look through you like you were a ghost. She saw you.

“I knew you’d come.” she said.

You blinked and the palace walls melted around you until you were back in the depths of the forest, the older Frigga you knew now stood before you. Her regalia as queen was gone, replaced with a simple frock and no shoes.

“What was that?” you asked, gesturing your arms to the forest that surrounded you. “Something pulled me in.”

“The forest is ancient and often does as it pleases. Whatever you saw the forest wanted you to see.”

“Oh…alright.” You weren’t sure what either of those memories were really or why a forest wanted you to see them but it wasn’t what you were focused on right now. You had a job to do.

“Did you find my letter?” you asked her.

“I did.” Frigga’s expression turned grave, “And if what you wrote is true then my fears have been confirmed. I had hoped the visions were misleading. But do not worry, I will handle this.”

“Is there nothing for us to do? What are you going to do? What is happening, Your Majesty?” You needed something! Any answer!

“There is something that you must do.” she held you by the shoulders, “You must take Loki and leave Asgard.”

“What? But we cannot. How would we even--”

“The Convergence. The time when the veil between realms is at its thinnest. That is your opening. Go through one of the portals and leave this place for your own safety.”

“What will this solve? How will this help anyone?”

“Trust me.” the queen implored. “We may yet save this world but you need to go when the opportunity presents itself. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Good. Now, we cannot risk another meeting like this. If I do not get the chance in the future let me say this now,” she pulled you forward and enveloped you in a hug. “Thank you for saving my son. I owe you more than I could possibly say.”

You wanted to ask her why she couldn’t fight back against Odin. You wanted to know what she knew that she wasn’t telling you or couldn’t tell you. You wanted to know why leaving Asgard was something that would help. But there was no time for that, not that you thought she’d answer any of it.

Instead, your arms wrapped around her, savoring this act of a mother’s safe embrace. “He loves you. He’s hurt and he won’t admit it, but he loves you. You have to know that.”

“Thank you. That is very good to hear.” she pulled back, tears in her eyes. “Let him know that I love him. He may push me away as much as he desires but he will always be my son.”

“I will.”

“And this,” she produced a letter from the pocket of her dress. “This is for him to read after you are off of Asgard, not a moment before.”

“I understand.” You took the note and clutched it to your chest.

“You must go now. Take care and keep your strength, you will need it for the future.” she pressed a kiss to your brow. “Be safe.”

Your eyes closed at the soft press of her lips. When you opened your eyes you were outside the forest. You were spit out past the palace gates so you at least didn’t need to worry about sneaking back out. You looked back at the forest. Voices seemed to whisper from their depths, tempting you to go back in.

You ignored the pull and ran back to where you left Loki, letter clutched tightly in your hand. You wondered if you would ever get any straightforward answers.

Notes:

PLOT!

Chapter 26: Eye of a Hurricane

Notes:

Thanks to everyone for the continued love and comments! I used up all my spoons writing but I see and read all your comments! If I had the mental energy to reply I would. Love you! Happy reading!

Chapter Text

You raced through the streets until you made it back to where you left Loki. He saw you coming and caught you as you stumbled into him, your feet unwilling to stop moving. “Are you alright?” he asked immediately. “You weren’t spotted?”

“No.” you took several long breaths. “I’m safe.”

He breathed out in relief and kissed your temple. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll talk at home.” he ushered you away.

The walk back to your house was silent. You weren’t sure what all to tell Loki about what you discussed with Frigga. The letter she had given you weighed like a stone in your pocket. It was for him but not until you got off of Asgard. Knowing Loki he wouldn’t want to wait. You didn’t know what was in that letter, why it was imperative that he only read it after you were gone, but you didn’t want to take the chance. You’d stash it away, keep it until you were gone like she asked. There was already so much pressure on Loki, so much he was unsure about, you wouldn’t add this to it as well.

There was also the visions you had seen while in the forest. The memories you had witnessed. Frigga said the forest shows what needs to be seen, but you couldn’t figure out what those memories had to do with anything.

When you returned home you sat down at your kitchen table. “What did she tell you?” Loki asked, wasting no time.

“She said she had visions of something, she didn’t clarify what. She says she knows what she has to do and for us to not worry about it.”

“Is that all?”

“No.” you took a deep breath, “She also said we need to leave Asgard.”

“What?”

“During the Convergence. The time when the realms are closest together and portals open, that is our time to flee this place.”

“But why would we leave? What good will it do?”

“What good will staying do? Odin wants you gone, Thanos is hunting you, all we accomplish by being here is endangering everyone else.”

“So we just leave?”

“Yes.”

“But what does this solve?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t elaborate on how it would, just that the fate of the universe very well hangs in the balance and if we want a chance at saving it we must flee.”

“Anything else?”

“We are not to try and seek her out again.” the letter felt as if it would drag you through the planet and out the other side. “She also wanted me tell you that she loves you.”

Loki scoffed, you frowned. “She does Loki. She said that you can push her away all you like, deny her as much as you need, but she has always loved you as her own. You have always been her son. You have to believe her.”

“I don’t see what it matters now.” he reached across the table and took your hand. “All that I wish to love is right here.”

It was a sweet sentiment but you knew that as much as he meant it as a compliment to you, it was also his steadfast refusal to believe that anyone from his past cared about him. You were scared for Loki. Scared that he wouldn’t admit how much he truly cared about others until it was far too late. He could kick and scream and push, but you knew his heart well by now. You knew that it bled for only a few, but it gushed for them. You, Frigga, Thor…

No amount of self-loathing or petty hatred could remove such deeply ingrained feeling.

“Anyway,” he said, stuffing down whatever threat of feeling that tried to overtake him. “She said the convergence? That’s months away.”

“Gives us time to plan.” you shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know how this is all supposed to work. I don’t know if we’re supposed to go somewhere specific or if we’re just mean to get out. Is there even any way for us to know where these portals will appear or where one might lead?”

“The portals will appear and I may be able to direct us through one that will take us someplace far away and safe. I’ll have to research and prepare.” he sighed, looking around the house. “Maybe it’s a blessing. We’ll be out of here, have a fresh start somewhere new where no one knows us. Get that house you’ve been dreaming of with its flowerboxes and linen closet.”

“And a spare room?” you cocked your head.

He smiled. “Maybe two spare rooms, just to be safe.”

“Months to prepare is still months of enduring.” you said, your happiness flittering away as quickly as it had settled like a startled bird. “Do you think we’ll make it?”

“We’ve survived worse.” he ran his thumb over your knuckles. “So long as we keep on as we have been, keep our heads down and such. The months will fly by and at least we will have one gorgeous Asgard summer to spend together before we leave forever. I have many plans for us.”

“Oh do you?”

“Everything you never got to do before, we’ll fill our days with these next couple of months. I’ll teach you how to climb trees and swim just like I taught you how to skate. We’ll take hikes through the woods and picnic up on the flowery mountainside. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like a very beautiful dream.”

“It won’t be mere dreams, my darling. We will have fun and enjoy ourselves, and then we get to leave and start over. This is where things turn around. I promise.”

“I hope you’re right.” you sighed.

Weeks passed as you fell into a predictable and content routine. You worked, came home, made meals, took walks, did laundry, made love, and watched the world turn greener as spring brought about heavy rainstorms and warmer temperatures. You had revitalized the small yard behind your house. It wasn’t the garden of dreams but the few blooms you had sprouted in the planter boxes you did have brought a touch of color to your cozy but rather dreary house.

Loki did all he had promised. You spent the warming months out of the house exploring Asgard hand in hand. The first thing he had done was take you tree climbing. He had found some old oak that grew tall with thick sturdy branches.

It took a little work but you climbed as high as you could go, nestled on a bough and hidden in brilliant green foliage. You could have stayed there for hours.

You took walks through the forest and hiked up the mountainside to beautiful hills of wildflowers growing in all colors. You sat in that sea of flowers, the world of Asgard stretched out before and the golden palace gleaming in the distance. You wove wreaths of flowers, sipped chilled wine, and made love in that field until your bodies were sated and slick with sweat.

Loki even taught you to swim as he had promised. There was a beach that many people visited to splash in the waves on those hotter days. You had used some money to buy a swim costume and joined Loki in the water. You were content with wading in up to your waist but he insisted on you going out further for lessons. Most of your lesson was spent clinging to Loki for dear life as you tried to keep your head above water.

He didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he seemed to treasure being able to keep you close like that. “Don’t be scared.” he had said. “I’m going to show you a trick. Deep breath in.”

You took a deep breath and he let you both drop under the water. You tried kicking to the surface but he held you close, his grip assuring you that you were safe for whatever he was doing. You felt yourself hit the sand far below the water and then everything was dry. You risked opening your eyes and saw that you were in a pocket of air under the water. Sunlight refracted through the waves above you, coloring you and Loki in caustic light.

“What in the world?” you gazed around, you stretched a hand out and felt the wall of water around you.

“A bit of magic.” he said. “I used to do it all the time to get time to myself. I’d bring a book down and then I’d sit here for hours in the quiet.”

You watched a little fish swim by and smiled. “It is rather peaceful” you reclined against him. “Like we’re in an entirely different world.”

“Hopefully the planet we end up on next will have brilliant oceans like this too. I’d hate to have to give up such a view.” he said.

You knew a new planet was what was best, but with all the great memories you were making now you mourned the idea of not having more days like this in the coming years.

It really was an ideal and beautiful time. The only time you complained was when the rain showers turned into horrible storms. You lived in a weak house and the thunder shook the walls with each deafening clap. You were on edge and the clap of thunder and flash of lightning wasn’t helping. Another roll of thunder shook the house and it startled you so bad you dropped the plate you were drying.

“Damn it…” you muttered, staring down at the broken plate.

“I got it.” Loki used his magic to levitate the broken pieces into the trash. “There, no harm done.”

“The only harm done is to my nerves.” you held up your hands. “Look at this, I’m actually shaking. That is what these storms have been doing to me.”

“My poor darling,” he wrapped you in a hug, “Can I help?”

“Can you make the storm stop?” you melted into him.

“No. But how about a massage? You look like you need one.”

“Yeah. That sounds nice.” Anything to take your mind off of this damn storm.

You went back to the bedroom and stripped out of your clothes, not bothering to act naive as to the real reason for this massage. You laid down on the bed and waited for Loki. There was a small bottle of floral scented oil you kept that Loki lathered his hands with.

You felt him settle behind you, legs straddling you as he started at your neck and massaged every little ache and worry from your body. You didn’t need to see him to know that he had disrobed as well. You could feel the press of his skin against yours, the heat of his cock hovering just above you but not touching.

“You are by far overdue for a massage.” he said, moving to your shoulders. “All those long hours at work sewing and then chores at home, I think we need to make this a more regular occurrence.”

“How regular? That oil isn’t cheap you know.” you sighed as he worked a knot out of your back. “Especially when we take into account when I’m massaging you then we’re using even more.”

“A small price to pay for your comfort, my darling.” he kissed the back of your neck, “And mine too.”

He ran his hands up and down your back, the perfect pressure to banish aches and calm your nerves. You didn’t try to hide the small hums and whispers of moans as you were lulled into a deep sense of intimacy and relaxation. His hands, like always, elicited such sweet reactions from you. It was in moments like that you found it hard to believe that they were ever used for violence.

The same hands that touched your body with such reverence and care also maimed people and took the lives of his enemies. The arms that held you and made you feel safer than a treasure in Odin’s vault had been used to decimate and destroy. Those lips that spoke soft words of love and silly jokes that made you laugh was also capable of poisoning minds and turning friends into heated rivals with a few simple words.

He was your husband but he was also the fallen prince of Asgard, the God of Mischief, the lost prince of Jotunheim, a pawn of war and survivor of torture. And you loved every part of him.

His hands fell to the globes of your ass, kneading the supple flesh in his hands until your quiet hums turned into louder moans. “You know, strangely enough my ass isn’t sore.” you said.

“Doesn’t hurt to be thorough.” he answered but moved his hands down to massage your thighs. Each pass of his hands had you sinking further into the mattress.

“Interesting.” he ran a finger over your cunt. “I had yet to touch this part yet there seems to already be lubrication.”

“You’re hilarious.” you rolled your eyes, peering over your shoulder at him. “How long are you going to tease this out before fucking me?”

“So straight to the point, let me seduce you a little.”

“Fine. By all means, go ahead.”

“Thank you. I’m not done yet.” he spread your legs a little more. “I still have one more area to massage and it is the spot most in need.” He slid a finger into your cunt. “Indeed, so tight, it needs to loosen up some.”

He continued to work his fingers in you, stretching your walls and turning you on even more. You let yourself lay there, basking in the attention and feeling of his fingers. You felt a plop of something wet hit your ass and giggled. “I felt that. Creating some lubrication of your own?” you teased.

“Do you really want to tease me while you’re in such a vulnerable position?”

“Maybe I’m teasing you because I am in such a vulnerable position. As good as your fingers are maybe I’m trying to goad you into giving me more.”

“The surest way to disappoint you then would be to keep my hand here,” he curled his fingers in your pussy, “And cum all over your back instead.”

“Would you really be so cruel to me?” you batted your eyelashes at him. “I’ve been very stressed and you could really help in taking my mind off of my worries.” you rocked your hips back against him.

“You’ve gotten awfully cheeky in recent months. Do you think all you have to do is look at me with those pretty eyes and I’ll just do as you say?”

“Won’t you?”

Loki smirked and a thrill ran through you. He glanced down at where his hand was between your legs, he could feel the way you tightened up around him by that look alone. “You may find yourself regretting what you wish for, dear wife. I won’t be gentle.”

“I didn’t ask you to be.”

“Fine. I took so much time to relax you but you’ll still wake up in the morning sore.” he withdrew his hand. He lifted your hips up, you felt the heat of his cock gliding across your folds. You moaned with every pass over your pussy, drenched and aching but not filled.

Outside the storm raged and a flash of lightning lit the dim room. Your head snapped to the window, your heart jumping into your throat. You were about to say something but at that moment Loki slammed into you. You cried out, burying your face in your pillow as he started a brutal and hard pace.

“Loki…” your voice wavered as you took the hard rhythm of his hips.

“Keep your focus here, darling.” he grunted, “This is what you asked for, if you get distracted I’ll be insulted.”

“Sorry. So sorry.” you twisted your hands into the sheets of the bed.

“It’s alright. You can make it up to me.” he caressed your ass, “Can I spank you?”

You nodded.

“No no.” he turned your head to look at him. “Use your words.”

“Yes. Yes please, spank me.”

“Such a sweet wife you are.” he kept his eyes locked with yours as he landed the first strike to your ass. The pain was quick and sharp and the heat from it prickled and bloomed, sending pleasurable shivers down to your cunt.

Again and again and again…

Each hit had you gasping and moaning, rocking your hips back against him as if begging for more. You tried to keep count of how many he had doled out. Six…seven…eight…

Fourteen…fifteen…sixteen…

Twenty two…twenty three…

It felt good. The heat, the way the pain mixed with arousal distracted your body and your mind. You only tried once to cover your ass, to block the strike. Loki grabbed your arm and kept it wrenched behind your back. “Almost done, my love. I want to be the only thing comfortable for you to sit on after we are done.”

You couldn’t keep track of how many more times he spanked you. Each hit was filled with heated pain that had tears welling in your eyes and tingling pleasure that made your eyes roll back into your head. And during it all his hips never lost rhythm, that same deep and hard pace. The feel of his hips slamming against your bruised and sensitive ass pulling you under into places of ecstacy you didn’t know existed.

“Give me your other arm.” he snapped, his words tight with control.

You moved your other arm behind your back and felt a coil of magic buzz in the air, shadow encased your body and what felt like a pair of hands held your arms up, pulling your torso off the bed so you were bent at the waist at a perfect ninety degree angle, but you could still feel Loki’s hands holding your hips.

“Still need more.” he muttered.

With your head up now you could see what he was doing. Could see the shadow he cast on the wall multiply and move on its own. One stretched off the wall and held your arms, the other moved across your body, cupping your breasts in its hands. It felt as solid as if Loki was handling you himself. The shadow rubbed and pinched at your nipples until you were crying out. Every little sensation bubbling under your skin until you were moaning and sobbing, begging for release.

“You’re doing so well.” Loki moaned, thrusting into you faster. “All you need to do now is cum. You can do that for me, can’t you my love? Cum for me. I need you to cum for me.”

His voice was almost pleading. You had been in such an intense state you hadn’t realized how close he was to cumming too. You couldn’t articulate words. All that left you were moans and yelps of pleasure as the shadows that roamed you continued to play across your body.

“Cum for me! Cum for me, darling!” a hand, maybe his, maybe a shadow’s, reached around and pressed against your clit. “Cum for me! Cum for me! Cum for me right now! Please! Cum for me!”

“Aah!” a sob of pleasure that burned white hot tore through you. You were powerless to move even an inch as your orgasm lit your skin on fire as if one of the bolts of lightning had broken through the window and zapped you.

The shadows encasing you disappeared and without their support you flopped back onto the bed. Loki lay planked across your back, thrusting shallowly, grunting like an animal until he came too, spending every drop of cum inside you. You could feel it warming you from the inside out, felt it leaking out past the plug of his cock.

Your body trembled and you cried out as he pulled out of you. He flopped over onto his side of the bed and pulled you on top of him. He hushed you and held you gently. His hands hovered carefully over your ass, a cool relieving sensation spreading over the overheated and bruised skin.

His words were soft and constant. A stream of endless praise and reassurance. “You did so well. It’s alright. You can relax now. Wasn’t too much? Are you hurting anywhere? Deep breaths. Let me give you a kiss. My beautiful wife.”

---

You were the first to pass out. Loki wasn’t surprised. He had put you through a lot that evening. He had put you through a lot since you married.

You never voiced it but he knew the strain this marriage had put on you. He knew from the start that you wouldn’t have it easy with him as your husband. But you were always so brave and so strong despite everything that got thrown at you. And while you didn’t say it, he knew these months of waiting for the Convergence weighed heavily on you.

He did his best to distract you. Took you out on your free days to have fun together, laid with you at night to get you out of your own head. Still, he wished there was more he could do. If he could erase all the pressure he would in a heartbeat.

While you were sleeping he grabbed a wet cloth and cleaned up between your legs before dressing you in one of your nightgowns. He pulled on some sleep pants himself and laid back down next to you. His eyes started to drift shut when he heard a new sound. It wasn’t the thunder or the patter of rain on the roof. It was a--

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Who in nine realms was knocking at his door at this hour? A drunkard that got lost in the storm no doubt and couldn’t find their way home.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Loki groaned. Whoever was out there he didn’t need them waking you up.

He swung out of bed and meandered to the door. “This isn’t your house you drunk idiot!” Loki snapped as he opened the door.

He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he took in who was at his doorstep. His heart dropped into his stomach.

Thor.

Chapter 27: Around the Kitchen Table

Notes:

Dialogue heavy chapter btw. that is all! <3

Chapter Text

Loki was frozen for all of about three seconds then a burning resentment heated his blood. He had suspected, hoped even, that he would never come face to face with the people he once called family ever again. He hadn’t seen Thor since he left Asgard to go exploring and aiding the other realms.

“Loki--”

“What are you doing here?” Loki snapped.

Thor’s hopeful expression dropped instantly. “Did you think I would not come seek you out after I learned what happened?”

“What? That I survived my execution?”

“No--well yes-- but I did not know that you had been sentenced to be executed in the first place. You must believe me.”

“Sure you didn’t.”

“I didn’t! I swear on my life I would have come back and put a stop to it myself if I had know what father had planned.” Thor pleaded, “I’ve been going door to door trying to find you all evening, I finally got directed here.”

“Effort well wasted.” Loki sneered, “Despite Odin’s best efforts I am alive and well. Now, if that is all it is late and I want to go back to bed.” Loki tried closing the door but Thor blocked it with his hand.

“Loki, please.” he begged, “Can we talk? Are we not brothers?”

Another twist of the knife in his chest. “Brothers?” he scoffed. “You think you have the right to invoke that name after everything that has happened? I haven’t seen you in a year. You left me to the mercy of Odin. You did nothing to understand what I went through during the year I was missing. I came out of the mind control and was immediately thrown into a cell! I have nothing to say to you!”

“Mind control?” Thor’s eyes widened.

Loki winced, memories of that time creeping back up on him. He did his best to shove them away without showing that they haunted him. “Nevermind. I do not want to talk about this, especially not with you. As far as I am concerned the only family I have left is in this house. There is no need for you to come around here again.”

“But--”

“Leave!” Loki shouted, unable to keep it anymore.

“Loki?” he heard your quiet voice echo down the hall from the bedroom.

“Damn it all.” Loki chided himself for yelling. He sent another glare at Thor and rushed back to the bedroom to check on you.

You were looking around the room with bleary eyes and relaxed when you saw him. “Did you yell?” you asked through a yawn.

“Yes, I’m sorry for waking you.” he sat back down next to you. “Go back to sleep.”

“Was it another nightmare?” you took his hand.

“No, darling. I was just dealing with a drunkard knocking on the wrong door.”

You went rigid, your eyes falling on something behind him. “And did you leave the front door open?”

Loki turned and resisted the urge to scream. Thor had followed him inside and was standing in the doorway to the bedroom. “Fucking Hel! You can’t just invite yourself in!” Loki snapped at him. “I told you to leave.”

“I’m sorry but this is important.” Thor insisted.

You sat up, wincing a little with the effort. “What in the world is going on?”

“Don’t strain yourself.” Loki tried to ease her back down onto the bed. “I’m dealing with this.”

“Is that…” you peered around Loki to look at Thor. “Thor?”

“Ah yes,” Thor gave an awkward wave, “Sorry to wake you, miss, but I needed to talk to Loki urgently. It is a pleasure to meet you though, I never thought I’d see my brother married.”

“I have told you repeatedly that I don’t wish to speak to you. Can you not leave me in peace?” Loki glared at him, shuffling in front of you and out of Thor’s sight, “How hard must I push you away before you finally get it through your thick skull that I wish to be left alone?”

“You may push me all you like but I will not be moved.” Thor raised a hand over his heart. “Whether you like it or not I still love you as my brother.”

“Alright,” you sighed, sitting up again, “This is clearly not ending any time soon. Loki, talk to your brother.”

“But--”

“He just said that he isn’t going to be moved and I think this is important for you to do.” you urged him with that soft look in your eyes. “He deserves to hear your side of the story and more importantly, maybe he can help.”

“We don’t need his help.” Loki hissed in a whisper.

“Yes, we do. I’m not getting back to sleep any time soon so how about we move this to the kitchen?”

“Are you sure you should be moving right now given your condition?” he had gone very hard on you earlier that evening and didn’t want to move you from the comfort of the bed.

“Well I can’t help that, besides, it’s your fault I’m like this right now.”

“You’re the one who asked me to do it.”

“I’m aware.”

“Uh…” Thor watched your back and forth, a hint of color rising in his face.

Loki felt a surge of irritation send his veins pulsing. “What are you still doing here? Go wait in the kitchen!”

“Right. Sorry.” Thor closed the bedroom door and went to go stand in the kitchen. Loki helped you into a dressing gown and did some more to alleviate the tender pain in your ass so you could sit at the table normally. Since there were only two chairs you took one and Thor took the other, Loki stayed standing next to you.

“Loki, do you want to start?” you asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t have the energy to get into all of it right now. Could you condense it down for him?”

“Right.” you took a deep breath as you started to explain everything. You told Thor about what had happened to Loki after he fell through the collapse of the Bifrost, the torture, the mindcontrol, the day of his execution and how you had saved his life. You told him about your life together so far and the trials you had faced, especially with Odin’s interference. Finally about the threat of Thanos that was most likely coming to Asgard as they spoke.

“Then there was the most recent development.” you told him, “I went back to visit Frigga to seek her help and she said she had visions of the things I’ve told you about. There is a chance for us to help with this threat but to do that we need to escape Asgard during the Convergence. That was all she could say.”

With the story finally done Thor sat with his fingers steepled and his head bowed as he thought. When he looked up there were tears in his eyes. “Loki…I had no idea. You never said--”

“You never gave me the chance. When we returned I got thrown in a cell and you left.” Loki’s hands curled into fists at his side. “But now you know so now you can leave.”

“Loki.” you warned him, your tone stern. “Remember when I said he could probably help us?”

“And remember when I said we don’t need help?”

“We do.”

“And what makes you think we can trust him?”

“The fact that once he heard that you were almost executed and were now living in the lower city he spent all night trying to find you? The fact that he didn’t know Odin was going to execute you. What reason do we have to not trust him?”

“You’re being too trusting.”

“And this is a shock?” you cocked your head at him. “I literally married you at your execution and you want to refuse Thor’s possible help because you think I’m being foolish? My dear, please, find a more suitable answer.”

Damn it. “If he swears that nothing of what we say will end up back in Odin’s ear I may consider it.” Loki grumbled.

“Fair enough.” Thor nodded. “I swear on the great tree of Yggdrasil I shall not say a word to Odin about what has transpired here, even upon pain of death.”

“Satisfied?” you turned to Loki.

“I will have to be.” he still didn’t like this but he knew Thor. He knew he wasn’t one to break his word once it was given.

“So what do we do? How can I help you two?” Thor asked.

“I’m not entirely sure right now.” you said. “All I know is that we can’t trust Odin. It’s just a gut feeling but I think he knows something and Frigga knows that he does but she can’t talk about it.”

“Now that you mention it, mother was rather quiet upon my return. I had thought Loki was still in the cells when I came back and she only told me about the execution attempt after she was retiring for the evening.” Thor scratched his head. “You said she saw visions, did she say anything else about them? What happened in them?”

“No. Nothing. Just that we had to take care and escape when we get the chance. There was nothing else.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed at you. There was a lie in your words, something small, something subtle.

“What aren’t you saying?” Loki’s stare burrowed into you. “Something else happened in the forest. What was it?”

“There was nothing of note.” Another lie.

“You’re lying. What did we say before about lies?” he wasn’t letting you wiggle out of this that easily.

“I--fine! I saw visions while I was in the forest.” you admitted, head bowed low so he couldn’t see your eyes. “I don’t know what they meant though. There was one of a young Odin and Loki and then another of Odin and Frigga talking.”

The table went quiet.

“Visions are not uncommon if you go into the forest. What exactly happened?” Loki asked. You hadn’t mentioned visions before. Why though? Why were you keeping secrets from him, that wasn’t like you.

“It was a simple memory of Odin coming to see you as a child and telling you that you had lessons with him that day.” you answered. “The one of Odin and Frigga talking though is a little more confusing.

“They were in a study and Frigga was imploring Odin to tell her what ‘they’ said. I don’t know who the ‘they’ is but it was clearly important. Odin put something in his pocket and said it wasn’t for her to worry about. She said if it has to do with their children then she deserves to know. He refused and said that even if his actions seemed cruel they were for the protection of the realms. He left and that was the end of the memory.”

“I don’t see the connection.” Thor said. “But it has to mean something, doesn’t it?”

“I can’t imagine what.” Loki hated how vague it all was. What was the point of giving you visions if they didn’t actually help anything? If anything he was more confused than before.

“I can’t go back to see Frigga and I don’t know how much she could safely divulge even if I were able to get back in.” you sighed, resting your head in your hands, “There’s something rotten here.”

“A fish rots from the head.” Loki said, “If there is something wrong on Asgard then I’m sure it connects back to Odin. We need to find out what he is doing that has Frigga this secretive.”

Loki was more interested in figuring out what that vision about Odin and Frigga meant. There was some nugget of information there that nagged at him, like a dream you forget about when you first wake up.

“Whatever you need, you will have my assistance.” Thor said, bowing his head. “I don’t know what Odin is doing or what mother is thinking but I see this is still very confusing.”

“Indeed.” you yawned. “Now, as lovely as this has been I am very tired and in some degree of pain so I think I am going to back to bed.”

“Of course, and I apologize again for waking you.” Thor said, standing as if to help you but Loki kept an arm wrapped protectively around you. Not that he thought Thor would hurt you but he didn’t want anyone else touching you right now.

“It was nice meeting you.” you smiled at him. “I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“I as well.”

Loki walked you back to the bedroom and sat you back on the bed. He was about to turn to see Thor out but you grabbed his arm. “Don’t do anything stupid.” you warned him.

“When have I ever?” he kissed you gently. “Go back to sleep, my love. I’ll join you in a moment.”

He walked back out to the kitchen. “She seems a sweet woman.” Thor said.

“She is.” Loki looked askance at Thor. “I believe you when you say you won’t say anything to Odin.”

“But?” Thor inclined his head. He knew Loki too well to know that the sentence would end there.

“No matter what she is my number one priority. If you do anything that ends up threatening her safety I will cut you down without hesitation. Do you understand me?”

“You love her.” it wasn’t a question but a statement.

“Yes. More than anything.”

“Love is a good look on you, brother.” Thor smiled. “And if I may be so bold, when you said that she was in a delicate condition earlier…”

Loki’s face warmed. “She’s not pregnant. We’re not even going to try for children until we are safely away from Asgard.”

“So it is possible I will be an uncle?”

“Is this really an appropriate conversation to be having after everything else we’ve discussed tonight?” Loki really wanted him gone already. He was too tired physically and emotionally for any of this.

“Right. Good night then.” Thor left and Loki breathed out in relief. Thank the stars that was finally over.

He knew that it was an inevitability that he’d have to see Thor again but he still hadn’t been prepared. Was it really too much to hope that he could have left everything from his previous life behind to start fresh in this new one with you? Apparently so.

Loki collapsed back into bed, you cuddled up next to his side. “Are you alright?”

“I have a lot to think about.” he sighed, relaxing underneath your touch “I thought…I had finally thought life could be normal for us. We were saving money for a new house, work is going well, little ones as a distant daydream, everything was good.”

He looked down at you, your wide eyes watching him closely to see how he was really feeling. “Why does it feel like every time things start to look up something has to come to knock us back down again?”

“I hardly call getting Thor’s help is a setback but I understand what you mean. Life is nothing but a series of pleasure and torments. But like everything else we will persevere and come out well on the other side. You’ll see.”

“I hope you’re right.” he kissed your brow, “Enough of this talk. We need our rest.”

“Good night. Love you.” You yawned again before settling back down into sleep.

Loki clutched you tight in his arms. He doubted he was going to get any sleep tonight. “I love you too.”

Chapter 28: Lost to the Ether

Notes:

Ah! A midnight update! it's been a while! nice to be back to form......for now at least

Chapter Text

For once the dream didn’t have him falling. Loki was suspended, his body was numb but he could tell that he was hoisted off the ground. There was light and noise and a buzzing in his ears that wouldn’t stop. And there was pain. A throbbing deep pain all the way down to his bones that had him shaking. The world was blurring, he could hear something over the noise. No, it was the noise. Someone was talking in front of him, he could see them barely. His eyes refused to focus against the bright light though.

There was silence for a moment and the light faded. Shadows upon shadows turned towards him, his heart seized, and then he dropped to the ground with a thud.

Loki snapped awake, his heart hammering. What was that? It was so hazy, even now the details were flitting away from him.

“Loki?” you stirred rubbing the sleep from your eyes. The sun was starting to rise and illuminated the room. “Something wrong?”

“Nightmare.” he answered honestly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Not like I was going to get a lot of sleep after last night anyway.” you yawned, sitting up. “Do you want to talk about it? Was it the same nightmare?”

“No, I don’t think so. It’s hazy in my head but it felt familiar.”

“Wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t remember it. I’ve been having nightmares for months but this was new.” there was another feeling that was churning inside but he couldn’t place what it was. “It felt too real to not be a memory though.”

“You’re stressed.” you rubbed his shoulders, trying your best to ease him as you always did. “Last night was a lot, you should take your own advice and relax. I can help.”

He turned to you brushing a kiss against your cheek. “As nice as that sounds, my darling, I doubt you recovered from last night yet.”

“I didn’t mean that you horny man.” you squeezed his shoulders with playful laugh, “We can do something relaxing like go on a picnic. I’d have also suggested a massage but considering how the last one ended I think we know what would end up happening instead.”

“A picnic does sound nice.” he conceded. It would also do well to act as if nothing had happened last night. Odin had to know that Thor sought Loki out but if Thor had any brains in his head at all he wouldn’t talk about it. Hopefully he could bluff his way out of admitting that he had managed to find Loki at all last night.

You did end up going on a picnic that day. You were bright and bubbly and doing your best to take his mind off of the nightmare. It was strange, earlier he had been the one trying to ease you and now here you were rubbing his shoulders and telling him everything would be alright. He supposed that was the reciprocity of marriage.

You packed a picnic and headed out. You walked through town, no one so much as blinked an eye as Loki walked hand in hand with you through the square. People even greeted you as you passed.

Some kids came barrelling through, darting around you like a stampede and one slid under your joined hands to catch up to his friends. You turned to watch them with their wooden swords as they pretended to be warriors. “Full of energy, aren’t they?” you laughed.

“Certainly are.” Loki watched the way your mirth turned wistful, hand subconsciously falling to your stomach.

You hadn’t discussed it much but he knew that you wanted children one day. Before this whole mess with the plan to abscond from Asgard during the Convergence you had been saving up for a new home. It would have taken some time to save enough money for it but there was a sweet end goal in sight. Once you had a bigger home and had settled in he had planned on broaching the subject of kids with you.

He didn’t realize how badly he wanted a family with you until he started imagining it. A little one with your nose and his eyes. Maybe they’d laugh like you or maybe they’d copy the way Loki walked. He could see it clearly even now. A young boy full of energy running around the house playing warriors and monsters with his younger brother. A little girl on Loki’s shoulders as you walked through the square and your belly round with another little one on the way, maybe twins this time. A family. His family.

How long till everything would be safe enough for that life though? The last thing he wanted was to bring a child into this world when someone was hunting him down and you were a target. As much as he wanted that life, as much as he wanted to see you swollen with his kid and have a whole brood of children he couldn’t in good conscience let it happen just yet.

Maybe after you get off Asgard. He and you will settle down somewhere far away from all the drama and pain and start fresh. He wanted that more than anything.

Could such a sweet dream ever be a reality?

You found a shady tree to sit under, shielded from the sun’s harsh rays. He laid his head in your lap watching light shine through the rustling leaves, your hands running through his hair as you hummed a simple melody to yourself. It was a picturesque moment yet all he could think about was the dream earlier that morning.

It bothered him that it felt so familiar yet he couldn’t understand why or even remember what it was about. He knew it was when he was captured by Thanos but he couldn’t remember anything else. It all sat there at the very edge of his mind keeping just out of reach.

“Loki, my dear,” you leaned over him so you were face to face. “I had a question.”

“What is it?” he tried to appear relaxed for your sake.

“Do you know more about what the Convergence is? I know it is when the veil between worlds is at its thinnest but what else?” you asked.

Good. A needed distraction.

“Well, the last Convergence was five thousand years ago. There’s actually a fascinating story that goes along with it.” Loki remembered Odin telling this story to him and Thor when they were children.

“Five thousand years ago there was a war between Asgard and the dark elves of Svartalfheim. During that time it was actually Odin’s father, Bor, who was king and leading the army on the battlefield. They were fighting over some great weapon that the dark elves wanted to use to revert the universe to a primordial state of darkness. The leader of the elves had planned to unleash the power of the weapon during the Convergence so he could affect them all in one fell swoop.”

“I’m guessing since we’re enjoying such a beautiful sunny day that the elves were unsuccessful.”

“Indeed. The elves were defeated and driven off and the weapon they coveted was hidden away.”

“Why hidden? If it is so powerful why not destroy it?”

“It cannot be destroyed, at least that was what I was told. I’m trying to remember what it was exactly but I cannot recall.” There was that nagging feeling again.

“Well if it is as powerful as you say and could cause something as terrible as eternal darkness then it’s probably best it was lost to the ether.” you shrugged. “I just hope it has a better hiding place than Odin’s vault.”

Loki became very still. “Ether…” he muttered under his breath. Something was ready to burst in his brain.

“Something wrong?” you peered at him with concern. “Loki?”

“Aether!” he snapped up, almost hitting your chin with his head.

“Loki, what is--”

The Aether! That was it! The weapon--what was wanted--what they were talking about--

His memories were flooding back. He remembered. He remembered it all. Aether--Thanos--pain--Odin--Aether--

“Loki, you are safe.” your voice cut through the onslaught of memories like a beacon in the dark. “I’m your wife. You are here with me on Asgard having a picnic. You are safe. Everything is alright. No one has you. You are safe.”

He hadn’t even realized he had start hyperventilating until he felt the gentle press of your hand on his back. “Breathe. You are safe. I’m here with you.”

He focused on the feel of your hand on his back, ran his hands over the grass underneath him. He listened to your soft words and the sound of the leaves rustling overhead. He took in a deep breath. He could smell flowers and the cake you had brought to the picnic. He opened his eyes and took in the bright green grassy field dotted with flowers and the town down below the hill bustling with activity.

He turned to look at you, worry written all over your face but you tried to smile for him. “See. You’re home. Nothing to be scared of.”

“I…I remember.”

Your brow creased. “Remember what?”

“The nightmare.” he said, “It wasn’t just a nightmare. It was a memory, one I almost forgot. I remember now. It was almost immediately after Thanos had found me, I was concussed, barely conscious, I don’t think they realized I was awake. That’s why I couldn’t remember it before. Has it just been sitting there in the back of my mind all this time?”

“Loki, take a deep breath,” you gripped his hand. “Take it slow. What are you talking about?”

He took in a deep breath as you instructed and tried to speak slower. “In the dream--the memory--I was in a room. It was dark and I was being suspended off the ground. I barely had enough energy to lift my head. My whole body was awash in pain and I can remember hoping that I would die just so I didn’t need to feel this pain anymore.

“And then I heard them talking. Thanos, he was in front of some screen, a projection. It hurt to look at but when I squinted I could see who he was talking to. It was Odin. Thanos he…he was trying to ransom me back to Odin in exchange for the location of the Aether. Odin refused.”

“What’s the Aether?”

“The weapon. The one I said the dark elves tried to use to plunge the realms into darkness. Thanos knew that Odin knew the location and was trying to get it from him by ransoming me back to him. But Odin refused outright.”

“Oh Loki,” you hugged him, “I’m so sorry.”

Pain and anger swelled up inside him. “He knew. That bastard knew where I was the entire time. He knew that I was alive and that I was being tortured by Thanos and he said nothing, did nothing.”

A mad laugh shook his body as tears pricked at his eyes. “He left me in the hands of that mad titan and then punished me for it.”

“Loki--”

“He tried to convince him that I was worthless.” Loki stood up, pacing the space in front of him. He needed to move, he couldn’t be still for even a moment. “Odin told him that he should go ahead and just kill me since he wouldn’t be giving him the location of the Aether. And Thanos promised that Odin would regret it.”

He could feel his magic flowing out of him, his emotions turning his mere presence hostile as the grass around him turned yellow and swallowed underneath him. “The invasion, the one my brother and his stupid friends stopped on Midgard, it wasn’t meant of Midgard initially. The original target was Asgard. Then Thanos heard the tesseract was on Midgard and changed the plan because he thought it would be easier facing them then facing Asgard’s armies. Then with the tesseract he could conquer Asgard even easier.”

You were stunned into silence, a hand over your mouth as Loki related all this information that he had been forgetting until this moment. He had blocked out so much about what happened during that year. How could he forget something like that though?

“If things had gone according to plan they would have laid waste to Asgard. No one would have survived. Everyone would have--” Loki cut himself off, his eyes drifting back to you. If Thanos hadn’t decided to change course or if Loki had been successful in his brainwashed takeover of Midgard then Asgard would have been next. Everyone would have become a casualty, you included. You would have died without Loki ever knowing you even existed. Someone who meant everything to him now…he would have blindly snuffed out your light without a hint of remorse.

You seemed to understand the implication as well and stood up. Your feet crunched against the dead grass surrounding him. You cupped his face in your warm hands and brushed the tears from his cheeks. “It’s a good thing you failed then, huh?”

Loki cracked. He dropped his head to your shoulder. Your arms wrapped around him, holding him close. You didn’t say anything. You knew there was nothing that you could say that would absolve the guilt that grew in his stomach about what almost had been nor could it fix what Thanos and Odin had done to him. But being in your arms, knowing you were standing by him made it all a little easier to bear.

You spoke softly when the worst of his shaking subsided. “We need to tell Thor about this. He needs to know.”

“I know.” Loki sighed. As much as he detested it he couldn’t deny that Thor would be a valuable asset in your plans to get off of Asgard and keep the realms safe from that mad titan. If it could keep you safe he’d be willing to do most anything.

“The only question remains on how to get a message to him, and before you even suggest it we are not sending you back in the palace.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that…” you trailed off looking guilty. “I have another idea that could work. His birthday is coming up soon now that we’re getting into summer, correct?”

“Yes?”

“What if we send him a present?”

Chapter 29: Secret Rendezvous

Notes:

Okay so when i first wrote and published this chapter i was in the middle of some major plot overhauls. I had the story vaguely outlined but much of the detail had fallen to the wayside in the process. I can say with certainty though that the overhauling is done and everything is perfectly plotted now with a story that I adore much more than what I had originally intended. (These characters keep running off with my plot istg!)

So this is the same chapter as before but with like four more pages worth of content that got added on to flush it out more and that made me much happier with this chapter! So sorry to those who have already read it that you have to go back and re-read it but there are HEAVY PLOT related changes in the extra content that are needed for understanding the rest of the story going forward.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding! I seriously love you all! Mwah!

Chapter Text

“And you really think that Thor is going to recognize this as being from us just because I embroidered this on it?” you showed Loki the cape you had decided to make for Thor’s upcoming birthday. Much like the shawl you had gifted Frigga this cape had a hidden letter stitched into the lining. You couldn’t deliver this cape though so you had to find a way to send it to the palace and pray that Thor got it in a timely manner, recognized it as being from you, and found the letter hidden inside.

To make sure this happened you had asked Loki for an idea on something Thor would find recognizable to him and him alone. Loki had told you to embroider a snake stabbing a frog somewhere on it. You stared at him like he was crazy.

“Do I want to know the story behind that?” you asked.

“It’s actually relevant to two different events that happened when we were children. One was when I turned Thor into a frog and the other was when I turned into a snake to trick him into picking me up and then stabbing him.” Loki said as if he did not say something insane.

You blinked at him, baffled. “What?”

“Turning him into a frog I can see, but why did you stab him?”

“He was annoying me a lot that day.”

“So you stabbed him?”

“Lightly.”

“How do you lightly stab someone?”

“It was in the arm, no major arteries or organs. It’s not like I stabbed him in the gut. Everyone always freaks out over it.” Loki sighed like it was a small nuisance.

“You still stabbed him, it doesn’t matter where you do it! What kind of siblings stab each other?”

“People that aren’t really siblings at all.”

You stared at him unamused. “You didn’t know that back then. Stop trying to make everything so tragic. You have plenty of other reasons to be miserable, happy memories with your brother isn’t one of them.”

You wrapped up the cape and had it sent to the palace under the guise of being from your parents. If it was shown to be coming from a noble house there was a better likelihood of Thor receiving it directly than anything that may be sent to the palace by the common folk. You only prayed no one important recognized who it was coming from or they may connect the present back to you. With how hectic a royal birthday celebration is though you doubted they’d do much screening of presents from nobility.

After it was sent out the only thing left to do was wait.

“What if we get caught? What if Odin ends up catching wind and finds the note?”

“We didn’t write anything incriminating on the note, just a missive to come see us on a matter of urgency. He’ll be suspicious, I’ll probably get another confrontation but he has no evidence of what we actually know.”

“I think you are underestimating exactly what Odin will do if he finds out we were trying to secretly get a message to Thor, vague or not.” Odin had already kidnapped and beaten your husband once, you had no doubt that he’d be less kind a next time if given an excuse.

So your long wait began. It was nerve wracking just standing around waiting for something to happen. Everyone was out and about celebrating but you and Loki remained inside with your worry.

It had been about two hours of you unable to focus on your embroidery before you finally cracked. “I can’t take it. We have to do something to fill the time or I am going to go insane.”

“Thank you for saying it.” Loki snapped his book closed. “I’ve read the same paragraph five times.”

“Sex?” you suggested.

“Sex is good. Let’s do that.” he pulled you towards the bedroom.

You were hastening, practically tripping over yourselves getting naked so you could fall into bed and focus on something other than the uncertainty of what the future held. Not much else got done that day after you got into bed. You were using sex as a time killer and a needed distraction from the unending mess that was your life.

It was great sex. It always was. It was also incredibly…vigorous. Each time you finished you were pouncing on one another again. At one point you had almost fallen off the edge of the bed in your haste to get on top of him again.

As evening started to set in and your energy waned and you had no desire for carnal activities anymore you collapsed onto the bed. Loki curled around you as you took in shuddering breaths. After sex Loki liked holding you close but he was holding you rather tightly tonight.

“Loki?” you said, your voice strained from moaning and groaning and screaming in pleasure.

“Let me stay here holding you.” he muttered against your neck. “I want to stay here.”

You could feel a double meaning in his words. The feelings you had been avoiding since this mess with Odin and Thanos began. “Loki,” you wove you fingers through his, “No matter what happens we’re gonna see it through together. I won’t leave you. You know that right?”

Loki let out a deep sigh. “I cannot help but think that your life would have been so much simpler if you had let me be.”

Oh. That’s where his mind was. You suspected he may still hold some guilt over dragging you into this mess by agreeing to marry you. Even after all the progress you made all it took was another bad memory to send everything unraveling once more.

“Simpler maybe,” you said, kissing his knuckles, “But far less happy. You make me happy, Loki. And no matter what you may be thinking I wouldn’t trade the past year with you for anything. Now hush and try to relax. As of right now--as we know--nothing is wrong. Let’s enjoy it while we can.”

“Could you sing for me, darling?”

You smiled and began to hum. “On midsummer day the sun is singing her song. Radiant her round through heavens high. Golden glow of grain, flower filled fields. The land and living enjoy light of day.” Loki breathed easier, his grip on you easing as you kept singing softly. “On midsummer day the sun is singing her song. Bonfires flame fiery and fair. Solstice bestows midsummer's might as wyrd is well woven this numinous night.”

“How do you know so many soft songs? I think all I know are drinking songs.”

You chuckled. “My nanny sang them to me when I was a child. They always calmed me down when I was feeling anxious or scared. I’ve kept them close, sang them when I was feeling at my lowest to bolster my spirits. I’m glad they can help you too.”

“They do.”

“What songs do you know?”

“You don’t want to hear me sing.”

“Please,” you turned in his arms to look at him. “One little song.”

He sighed. “The things I do for you.”

He thought for a moment before starting a song. “But trees dance and waterfalls stop. When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’ But trees dance and waterfalls stop. When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’ When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’” You smiled at him, happy to hear his singing voice. The song was unfamiliar to you but it pleased you nonetheless. Encouraged by your reaction he kept going, softer now. “In storm-black mountains, I wander alone. Over the glacier I make my way. In the apple garden stands the maiden fair and she sings, ‘When will you come home?’ When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’”

"You need to sing for me more often." you said, resting your head on his chest as he hummed.

As the evening carried on and fell into night so to did you fall into slumber. It was interrupted by the pounding of a fist on your door. You and Loki roused, bleary-eyed and tired. You didn’t even want to know what time it was. It’d just annoy you.

You slinked out of bed and trudged to the door, Thor was waiting on the other side with a cloak around him to help disguise himself. You stepped aside to let him in. “Did you have to show up so late after we had fallen asleep?” Loki said, slumping into one of the kitchen chairs.

“Sorry to you both.” he pulled his hood down, “I wanted to make sure no one would be watching me when I left.”

“So you found our message?” you asked through a yawn.

“Yes, lovely cape by the way. I assume the stitching was Loki’s idea.” Thor smiled for a brief moment, “Anyway, what did you need to talk about?”

You looked to Loki who sucked in a deep breath and wiped the sleep from his eyes. He explained about the memory he had recovered and how Thanos had tried to ransom him back to Odin for the location of the Aether but Odin refused. How Odin had even tried to convince Thanos to kill Loki rather than keep him alive for anything.

Thor took it all in with a sober expression. You would have never guessed that it was supposed to be his birthday with how far his face fell with each word our of Loki’s mouth.

“While I may understand why Odin would not want to reveal the location of the Aether to a madman such as Thanos I cannot understand why he would try to convince him to kill you.” Thor said, scratching his chin.

“My biggest complaint is that the entire year Loki was missing Odin knew where he was and didn’t tell anyone.” you said.

Thor’s eyes widened. “He didn’t, did he?” his hands balled into fists, you could feel the air charge like a lightning bolt was about to shoot down your chimney. “We thought you dead all those months, devastated by your loss. No matter what had happened with the Frost Giants you are still my brother and I mourned. Odin let us mourn you knowing all this time that you lived.”

You could see Loki starting to fall into the pit he had been in earlier and you took his hand. Thor looked up, that anger that had crackled the air fizzled away into a drizzle of rain pattering against your windows. “Loki, you have to know that if I knew you were alive I would have done anything to get you back.”

Loki squeezed your hand, a small tick of his mouth the only other clue that he was trying to swallow back a difficult emotion. “Well,” he cleared his throat, “Too late for any of that now. What can we do this information?”

“It tells us a few things but I’m not sure what any of it means in the grand scheme of things.” you said. “Loki has explained Thanos’s plan so we already know he was looking for the stones. It incriminates Odin but I’m not sure what we can do with it. He didn’t tell anyone that Loki lived because he was hoping that Thanos would kill him. We still don’t know why Odin wants Loki dead though, or at least did since he doesn’t want him dead right now. At the very least he isn’t making any outward threats or plans to have Loki killed.”

“Something about this reeks.” Loki spat. “There’s something we are missing, something that’ll explain how Thanos and Odin are tied.”

“We also have to consider they might not be.” Thor said.

“I think they are though.” you drummed your fingers on the table. “Odin knew about Loki’s imprisonment and what Thanos is after but he never mentioned it to anyone. He has known about this threat, knew that the infinity stones were at risk and did nothing. Why? What does he gain by keeping it to himself?”

“Maybe mother will know.” Thor leaned against the wall. “She knows more than she is letting on. I will talk to her and see what I can glean then report back to you.”

Not like you had much other choice since sneaking into the palace was too risky. Which reminded you. “It may not be a good idea for you to keep coming back here.” you told Thor. “If Odin catches wind that you’re leaving the palace late at night to come see us then he will get suspicious.”

“She’s right.” Loki said. “If you have anything to report you should come to the library where I work. I am in disguise there so no one will think much of you coming to talk to me.” Loki popped into his disguised form then went back to his other self so Thor knew who to look for.

“Good idea.” Thor tried to stifle a yawn and failed. “Thank you for letting me know what was going on. I’ll do my best to help figure all this out. I will let you two get back to bed now. Again, sorry for waking you.”

“Thanks.” you offered him a tired smile.

Thor pulled up his hood and turned to leave.

“Thor,” Loki said, halting him for another moment. He cleared his throat, looking past Thor at the door instead of at him. “Happy birthday.”

Thor’s face brightened and you could see his hands twitching to embrace his brother but he was holding it back. “Thank you.” Thor said.

There was a moment of silence then Loki snapped his head away. “Get out already so we can go back to sleep.”

“Right, yes.” Thor glanced at you and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Good night.”

With that he left and you and Loki collapsed back into bed. Loki was facing you and he noticed the large knowing smile on your face. He sighed and flopped over onto his other side. “Don’t start.”

“I didn’t say anything.” you wrapped your arms around him. “I think it’s sweet how much you love your brother.”

“Go to sleep!”

---

It was a few days before Thor returned with news. Loki was at work when he noticed Thor come in. Before anyone could recognize him Loki grabbed him and ushered him into the back of the library. As he ushered him into the back Loki noticed that the cape he had on was the one that you had sent him with the secret letter stitched into it. Why was he wearing it? He was supposed to be inconspicuous!

“What news do you have?” Loki asked, not wanting to waste time.

“Much.” Thor brought his voice to a whisper, “I talked with mother about all of what you told me and she told me something interesting. Apparently Odin acquired some sort of prophecy millenia ago when he was a new king. It was written down on an old piece of parchment but he refused to talk about it, all he said was that he would take care of it.”

“A prophecy?” Loki muttered to himself. “What was on it? What is this prophecy?”

“She doesn’t know. She only glanced a bit of it before Odin hid it. She told me the only part she could make out was the line “born death to you” and that was it.”

“Born death to you?” Loki searched his brain for anything that sounded similar that would give any kind of clue as to what it could mean but came up with nothing. “Such little information is not much help.”

“I thought maybe it has to do with his death. Perhaps he received a prophecy on how he died.” Thor said.

“It’s possible but I’m still hitting a block with the “born” part.”

“Born could mean the start of something or perhaps someone was born that is destined to kill him.”

“It is impossible to figure out anything with that little scrap of prophecy.” Loki groaned. It felt like there were answers floating all around him but they were too hazy to make out. “If we want to learn anything then we need to know the entire prophecy. I don’t think the parchment it was written on is something Odin would destroy but we can’t rely on assumptions. Either way, we need to learn what he was told.”

“How? If Odin still has it written down somewhere he is keeping it well hidden and guarded but if he did destroy it then the answers we seek lie only in his mind.”

“I’m quite crafty, I am sure I can think of something.” Loki said. “I am sure I can find a way to slip the information from him if I take the time to figure something out.”

“This isn’t a game.” Thor warned him, “Odin already wants you dead and if he catches wind of this it will be all he needs to end you and I don’t know if I’ll be able to save you. Please brother, do not charge into this blindly.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on it. I’ll find the ideal precise moment to attempt such an action.”

“Odin will be able to spot your tricks easily, you know that. It’d have to be perfect timing, not just ideal.”

“The Convergence. The realms will be hectic, I could slip in during the excitement and try to find the prophecy or tear it from his memory if need be.”

Thor’s eyes went wide. “That is risky, bordering on reckless.”

“Nothing about this is going to be safe, Thor.” Loki reminded him. “If we do nothing then nothing will happen.”

“True.” Thor sighed. “Fine. You have a vague and tentative plan. What else do you need to do? Is there any way I can help?”

“There’s nothing more for you to do. You can attempt to find the prophecy on your own but I’d advice against it. You are not one for stealth or manipulation and I fear Odin would see your true intentions easily. I’ll plan more about how to extract the prophecy and infiltrate the palace without detection during the Convergence. You lay low and don’t visit me unless it is an emergency.”

“But didn’t mother advise you to flee Asgard during the Convergence? How are you going to get you and your wife off of Asgard if you are running around after Odin?”

Loki’s fist clenched at his sides. “I…I’ll figure something out.”

There was a long pause.

“So…” Thor said, his tone lighter, “How is married life?”

Loki squinted at him. “Are you seriously asking that right now?”

“Come now, I’m curious.” Thor said with a knowing smile. “I never saw you as the settling down type. I can’t help but want to know more.”

“Well, when the options you re given are die or get married you tend to choose the option that lets you live.”

“It is not a marriage in name only. You care for her a great deal.”

“Does this line of questioning have a point?”

“I just want to hear more about my brother’s wife. I’ve only met her twice but she seems kind and smart, she’s definitely beautiful. Most importantly, I think she’s good for you.”

A ghost of a smile creased his face. “Too good really. Far more than I deserve.”

“Loki…”

Loki realized how wistful he had gotten and straightened. “If that was all you needed to tell me then you can be on your way. I need to get back to work.”

“Right. I’ll be taking my leave then.” Thor nodded. He looked disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to pull any more information from him about married life. It wasn’t that Loki was opposed to talking about you. He loved bragging about you but for some reason discussing you with Thor felt tenuous. It felt like if he talked about how much he loved you, how happy his life with you was, how almost being executed was the best thing that could have happened to him because it led him to you, then it would all be taken away. Fate had dealt him a bad hand at every turn, he didn’t want this to blow up in his face as well.

Then again, with everything going on was it really going well? Could he say that everything was fine when it was getting more complicated by the day? Now this prophecy business made everything worse…he didn’t know what to do. Or rather, he knew what he should do but he didn’t know if he could.

When he returned home Loki told you about what he had discussed with Thor. He told you about the snippet of prophecy but you shrugged your shoulders. “I have no idea what that could be referring to either.”

“That’s what I thought.” Loki sighed, slumping into his chair. “So I am going to have to try and get it out of him during the chaos of the Convergence.”

“I know this prophecy may be important but I think escaping Asgard is our bigger worry.” you told him. “I don’t want you to try doing both and ending up missing our chance to get away.”

“Do not worry, my darling. I will figure this all out.”

“I just don’t see why we need this prophecy in the long run.” you said, pacing the short length of the kitchen. “What does this have to do with Thanos?”

“It may not have anything to do with Thanos but it does have to do with me, I know that much.” Loki had to believe that this prophecy had some insight into what Odin was doing. Some information, a clue, something! He needed to know why Odin had wanted him dead.

“If you are set on this then please be careful.” you hugged him around the shoulders.

“I always am.” he turned his head to kiss you. Yet guilt churned in his stomach. Was he going to have the strength to do what was needed?

Chapter 30: What Stays With You

Notes:

Note that extra content was added to the previous chapter with heavy plot additions that will be highly relevant to the story going forward. If you haven’t already go back and read the last chapter. Picks up where it originally ended, marked with a --- as a page break. Sorry for making you go back but it is important if you didn't already see it! Love ya!

Chapter Text

It had been officially over a year since you and Loki were married at the gallows. Over a year since you took him home, uncertain if he would stay or what your life would be with him now in it. Over a year since you started falling for him and thinking of him not just as your husband but as your friend and eventually your love.

It felt surreal realizing how far you had come in a year. You were no longer practically starving, surviving day by day on a meager salary. You now had full bellies and someone to hold you close through the night. Your quiet house had life again. Your heart was full and capable of trusting again. It was wonderful.

Sure, life wasn’t great, especially at the start. So many people had shunned you and even threatened you for the simple act of trusting Loki, for wanting to help him instead of condemn him as so many were ready to do. Still, no matter the tribulations you were happy. No matter what came your way, as long as you were together you felt like you could accomplish it.

Your biggest concern right now was the Convergence and getting off of Asgard. Loki had a secondary goal of learning what this prophecy that Odin had received years ago was and what it could mean. You understood why he wanted to know but you couldn’t help but fret over whether or not he would truly risk getting off of Asgard for a prophecy that may end up meaning nothing.

You still had some time before the Convergence started. The boiling heat of the summer season chilled into the start of autumn. Unlike last year where everything was so uncertain you were excited this time around. You and Loki were attending the festival again, thankfully you knew you didn’t have to worry about your ex-husband showing up to ruin your day. You hadn’t heard anything more about him or your parents since Loki erased their memories and you didn’t mind a bit. You wanted to never think of them again.

You strolled hand in hand through the market, a twist of fried dough covered in cinnamon and chocolate split between you. Loki held it out for you to get a bite then pulled it away at the last second so you bit air.

“You ass, you’ve already had four large bites, give me another!” you made a grab for it with your free hand.

“We could always buy another.”

“So what? So you can eat all of that one too? Come on, you know I’ve been craving these all week!” you had basically been dreaming about the warm fluffy snack for days leading up to the festival. You could have eaten ten all by yourself. Next time the festival came around you were going to make sure you bought one all for yourself instead of agreeing to share with Loki.

That is…if you ever got to see another festival.

You knew that since your leaving was supposed to be covert that you couldn’t tell anyone but it pained you to think of never seeing Asgard again. This was your home. You didn’t have many friends here but you had plenty of memories, good and bad.

How were you meant to say farewell to Meya? Ever since you had been kicked out by your ex-husband she had always been there to help support you. She helped you when no one else would. Not even when you married Loki did she sway from your side.

You didn’t get to see much of her nowadays since you worked in two completely different fields now. The only time you did see her was maybe once a week when your personal laundry happened to coincide. It was nice to chat and catch up but it wasn’t like it was when you were still working as a laundress. Now in a few weeks you were just going to disappear. No warning, no explanation, just gone.

Maybe you could write her a letter, tell her not to open it until after the Convergence then burn it after reading it. Nothing that would give away where you were, just a reassurance that you were safe but not returning to Asgard. It was risky. If someone thought that Meya may know where you went then they could do any manner of things to her to get information out of her. You didn’t want that for her.

Hurt as it may, keeping her in the dark was probably what was best for her, even if it did make you feel terrible.

“Darling,” Loki poked the treat at your closed mouth, bits of sugar sticking to your lips. “Something wrong? If it’s about the twist I’ll go buy another.”

“It’s not that.” you sighed. “Just thinking about stuff…”

“Does it have to do with our trip in a few weeks?” he asked, lowering his voice.

“We haven’t even left and I’m already feeling homesick.” you told him. “I know we’ve been treated badly but aren’t you going to miss it?”

Loki took in a deep breath and let it back out slowly. “I…cannot say that my life here has been nothing but torments. I was always in Thor’s shadow growing up but I had a happy childhood. I didn’t start feeling jaded until I got older and I was able to understand how I was being treated unfairly in comparison.

“And,” he pulled you closer, “It has also been home to a pretty wonderful year.”

You scoffed. “You really want to call the past year wonderful? Weren’t we practically starving and being harassed every other day for the first couple of months?”

“Always focusing on the negatives you are.” Loki rolled his eyes. “If you keep focusing on when we leave you won’t be able to enjoy the time we are here.”

“Wise words.”

“I’ve been known to have some from time to time.” he leaned closer, kissing the sugar off your lips. “Here, the rest is yours.” he handed you the dough twist.

“Yes!” you snatched it out of his hands and took a big bite. He chuckled as you continued walking around. You passed by the little stage displaying a puppet show and stopped to watch as you finished eating your treat.

As the show concluded the kids started to disperse and one of them stopped to look up at you and Loki. Their eyes went wide and they pointed at Loki. “Magic man!” the little boy shouted.

Some of the other kids stopped and suddenly you were swarmed by kids pointing to you and Loki. “You made the snow chase us! Can you do it again?” they asked.

Oh! These were some of the kids from that snowball fight you got caught in during Loki’s birthday. Aside from the kids plenty of adults had stopped to watch the spectacle of shouting children surround you both.

“There isn’t exactly any snow for me to enchant.” Loki said.

The kids frowned, their joy turning quickly into disappointment.

“But,” Loki said, a mischievous smile on his face, “Perhaps this can suffice instead.”

He thrust a hand up to the sky and a sparkling light launched with a spin high into the air before exploding in a dazzling display of color and sparks. The kids gasped and clapped and laughed, begging for more. So Loki kept sending firework after firework into the air, sometimes shaping them into different shapes and creatures. At one point he had enchanted the sparks to create a large dragon that twisted in the sky and dove over the heads of the crowd before launching back into the air.

Everyone at the market had stopped to watch at this point and when the final burst of light and color had gone off Loki gave a bow to the roaring applause and cheers of the crowd.

This is what you hoped the people would remember of Loki. Not the fallen prince, not the god who had tried to conquer Midgard and failed. You wanted them to remember the man that enchanted snow to play with kids, who stood up for you when others tried to hurt you, who created fireworks on nothing but a whim and danced with you in the square. He was not some villain, he was a man who had been given a bad hand and was trying to live his normal life.

You had decided to retire back to your house after the fireworks display. You had come and done all that you had wanted at the festival and were ready to be away from the crowds.

You spent the remainder of the evening as dusk fell to night unwinding from the excitement of the day and putting the few trinkets you had purchased on the scant shelves of your home. In a few weeks you would be packing it all back up again.

Maybe you’d have more shelves to fill in the next home you made. Maybe you would fill those extra shelves with even more trinkets and baubles that brought to mind happy times together. All of it, the promise of a future, of safety, it was so close and yet still so far away.

Don’t worry about the future while you’re still in the present. Just as Loki said.

You wandered back to the bedroom while he was cleaning up dinner and started to change for bed but you weren’t pulling on one of your regular nightgowns. You slid the satiny green one you had bought months ago back on. You wore it sparingly so it’d keep that certain impact when you did decide to wear it.

Needless to say it had the desired affect when Loki walked back to the bedroom and saw you perched on the edge of the bed wearing it.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this sight?” he asked.

You shrugged. “It’s been a good day, I’d like it to have a sweet ending too.”

“Is that what you want from me, darling? To be sweet?”

“Actually,” you stood up, “I wanted to treat you tonight.”

“I’d be a fool to turn down such an offer.”

You helped him strip out of his clothes. It was unnecessary but you liked the act of peeling away the layers to reveal his body. It was a subtle kind of intimacy, the way your hands caressed his body as you shucked the clothing off of him.

Once he was naked you pushed him back onto the bed. Your eyes roamed him and snagged on his cock. A wicked little idea got caught up in your head. You would be so sweet to him in a moment, right now you wanted to tease him a little.

You nudged his legs apart so you could stand in the space between them.You carded your hands through his hair, letting your fingers run through the dark locks and smooth out any little tangles. He hummed as you pet him, resting his head on your chest as he soaked in the attention. If he was a cat you were sure he’d start purring.

“Kiss.” it was a gentle demand hidden as a request with your soft voice.

Loki obliged, pressing soft kisses across your chest while you continued to play with his hair. You let your hands roam to his neck and his shoulders, rubbing them tenderly before running through his hair again. He openly sighed, his kisses become more needy as you stoked a small but hot fire in him.

You cupped his chin and pulled his head up to look at your face. A shining glaze of lust reflected back at you from his green eyes. “Open.” you said, once again in your soft voice.

Loki saw what you were doing but was too deep in the state now to fight back against the shift in power. His mouth opened and you held up a finger to his lips, “Suck.”

His mouth wrapped around your finger, suckling on your finger like a starving man. His ministrations gave away just how needy he had become. You kept hold of his chin, feeling the way his jaw flexed and moved as he sucked on your finger.

“Stop.” You withdrew your finger and shrugged the top of your nightgown down to expose your breasts then rubbed your wetted finger over your nipple.

Loki watched the motion, how his saliva glistened around your hardening nipple. But he didn’t move to replace it, your hand on his chin a reminder of what game you were playing. You pulled his head closer to your chest, to the breast you weren’t playing with. “Suck.”

Loki captured your nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking it until it was as hard as the other in your hand. You let go of his chin to run back through his hair, letting yourself enjoy the feeling of him lathing attention onto you. “Switch.” you said. He moved to your other breast and cupped the one he had sucking on before with his hand.

“Back.” you gave him a gentle push on his shoulders and he pulled back.

His dick had gotten hard during all of that and now stood between you red hot and trembling. You ran your hands down his chest and he sucked in a sharp breath as you neared his hips. His neck tensed when you ignored what he clearly wanted and slid your hands back up his chest.

You stepped back, arms behind your back. He watched you, not like a prey animal anticipating a predator to strike, but as a predator in a cage waiting to be released. The only barrier to his desire being your words.

“Stroke yourself.” you said, eyes flitting to his cock.

His eyebrows raised but he didn’t disobey. He took his cock in hand and without you having to clarify he started slowly, stroking his cock in his fist in long slow pulls. Yet, his eyes remained on you.

“You are thinking something.” you said, “What is it?”

“I’m trying to parcel out what game you are playing, my darling.” he said, his voice rich with lust.

“The only game is to see my husband in pleasure. Is there something wrong with that?”

“There’s something else in your head, I know it.”

Your eyes sparkled with mischief. “Faster.”

Loki obeyed, stroking himself faster. You could feel the evidence of your arousal pooling between your legs and staining your thighs. You showed no sign of it though. You stayed with your hands behind your back and your body still as you watched his strokes get quicker and needier. Precum started to dribble from the tip and he was panting slightly as he got closer to an orgasm.

So close.

“Stop.”

Loki released his cock with a groan. The appendage slapped back against his abdomen with a small splat. He was staring at you half dazed and face flushed. Oh so desperate.

“Lay back on the bed.” you waited for him to pull himself to the center of the bed before crawling on top of him. “Do you want to see how wet I got just from watching you stroke yourself?”

“Yes, my darling.”

You pulled the nightgown off over your head, revealing your naked body and your glistening cunt. He made a small strangled noise in the back of his throat. You took his hand and brought it to your cunt, “Touch me, Loki.”

He slid his fingers across your folds, coating his hand in your arousal. Each swipe of his fingers had you rocking forward to feel more. You had given him an inch of power and he was running away with it, stroking your pussy and teasing you as you had teased him.

“Loki,” you balanced yourself on his chest, “Put it in. Please.”

“Put what in exactly?” he asked.

“Your cock.” you hummed, rocking against his hand again. “Put your cock in me so I can ride you.”

“Beautiful girl.” he removed his hand and instead grabbed his cock to line up with your pussy. You sank down and moaned as he filled you up.

There was no more teasing. You rocked against him, letting him put you into a rhythm he liked that also had you seeing stars.

How had you been luck enough that this was now your life? With so many trials and uncertainties you still had moments like this. You could still have days where all you did was laugh and smile paired with nights where you joined as one in pleasure so sweet and tender it made you want to weep. It felt so good and you loved him so much. You never wanted these days to end.

You kept grinding down on him, one hand pressed to your clit as you came and he came with you with a call of your name and the warmth of his cum filling your cunt. You didn’t let him pull out, you didn’t want to separate. You slumped against his chest, letting his cock soften inside you as you both fell asleep. Mumbled but sweet words of love and sweet dreams following you into a long rest.

Chapter 31: First Snowfall

Notes:

short but sweet!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It was nearing the time for you to leave Asgard. The Convergence had started. It was still early, the only portals that opened were small and localized. You wouldn't actually be able to leave through one of them for another couple days.

You were still unsure about how you and Loki would know which portal to go through or even how to find them. So many of the specifics regarding your escape were lost on you. Loki told you not to worry about it, that he would take care of it all and ensure you ended up somewhere safe. So, without anything else to do in the meant time, you prepared for your departure.

You and Loki were in the house packing up whatever you could reasonably carry. You couldn't take everything but there were some things you gathered. Small trinkets, money, an extra set of clothes, your embroidery set, those sorts of things.

Loki had been silent the entire time you were packing. The past couple of days he had said little at all in fact. You could tell he was deep in thought and you figured it had to do with his plan to get the prophecy from Odin while at the same time trying to find a way to leave with you. You understood why the prophecy was important to him. But you also couldn't help wishing he'd leave it alone. Whatever it was is was Odin’s destiny, not his. Even if it did hold some answers what truly mattered was getting away from Asgard safely.

Packing didn't take long and you could see whatever was weighing on Loki wasn't going away any time soon. "I don't think there's much else for us to do." You told him.

"Quite right." He sighed. "Time has sped by far too fast for my liking."

"I am going to miss this place too." You wrapped your arms around his neck, "But we are going to have a better life once we are gone. We'll be safe, just you and me and maybe once we're settled something more?"

He pressed a hand to your stomach, a ghost of a smile on his face that turned tense with melancholy. "You make it sound so easy."

"Why shouldn't it be? I think we have earned a quiet life a dozen times over by now."

He pressed a kiss to your lips. "You certainly have. I swear, I'll see that you have the life you deserve, my love."

"Flower boxes and all?"

"Flower boxes and all." He pulled you closer wrapping you in a warm hug.

Your eye caught movement outside the window and a smile broke out on your face. "It's snowing!" You ran to the door and pushed it open. Delicate flakes flurried around you. "The first snowfall of the season. I was worried we'd be gone before it happened."

"Cloak, darling." Loki threw your cloak over your shoulders. "The last thing we need is you catching a chill before we leave."

You scurried away from the house and Loki followed after you, pulled away by your fancy. You wanted a better view of the snowfall then what was afforded from your sad home window. Even though it was late and the sun was almost all but set you kept going until you made it up a hill overlooking most of the town.

Snowflakes cascaded down from the sky, catching the light of fires burning warm in the houses below. The clouds were scarce so you knew the snow would not last long but you wanted to cherish it as long as you could. You had no idea when you would see another Asgard winter again after all.

Then you heard something. A buzzing like a swarm of bees in the distance. You could tell Loki sensed it too and watched where he turned to. In the far distance you could make out the gleaming of the rainbow bridge and the conservatory at the end that held the power of the Bifrost.

The bridge was glowing far brighter than it normally did. Power was surging through it towards the conservatory. Over and over as the golden globe began to shift and spin, light radiating from within and then a shock of bright light shot out from it into the unending cosmos.

You felt Loki tense, he grabbed your arm and began to pull you away. "What is going on? Where are we going?" You asked. It was not as if it was abnormal for the Bifrost to be used. You didn’t expect to see it this late in the evening but it didn’t make sense either why Loki was acting so panicked.

"We're going home." Was all he said. He refused to elaborate further on why he suddenly wanted to return home. Nor did he explain when you were safely tucked away back in your house.

Something was off with him and you were getting worried that you didn't know what was causing it.

"Loki, what’s wrong?"

"Nothing. It is late so I thought we should return home." He said. For a god of lies it was a very flimsy excuse.

"Do not treat me as if I am a child." You snapped at him. "I am your wife. If there is something going on that has you worried then I deserve to know about it. Now tell me what it is. Please."

Loki’s face pinched with an unwanted emotion. "I...I am sorry, my love. I did not want to worry you with my problems but I see it has only caused you more stress."

"Your problems are mine to share in. That is the vow we made." You took his hands. "What is troubling you?"

"The Bifrost...seeing it activate it--it brought back memories I'd rather forget."

Oh right. You had forgotten about that. He fell through the collapse of the Bifrost to what should have been his death. Seeing it activate like that must have provoked his trauma.

"I'm so sorry, Loki. I didn't even think about that."

"It is not for you to feel sorry about. It happened, it would have happened regardless of if you were there or not. All I could think of in the moment was getting you to safety. I don’t even know what danger I thought was out there. I just--" he cut off with an aggravated sigh. "You were so excited about the snow."

"It is just snow and we saw plenty before the Bifrost activated." You pulled him into a hug. "It is late now, how about we rest?"

“We don’t need to go to bed because of me. The night is still young.”

“And what else do we have to do? Hm?” you cocked your head at him. “And just because we are in bed doesn’t mean we have to sleep.”

“Now you’re trying to distract me with the allure of sex.”

“Is it working?”

“You are very lucky I love you so.” he let you pull him into the bedroom.

---

The night was long and cold. Loki awoke to something wrong. The room was pitch black.

His hand automatically went to feel you beside him in the bed and felt nothing but air. He tipped over trying to find you and found himself falling.

He was plummeting through inky black. Then light, first pinpricks that flew by in needle like threads that got bigger and bigger the faster he fell until it was nothing but a torrent of blinding light and the sound of screeching rending metal all around him.

A voice cut through the screaming. Loki! It called. Over and over. Loki! Loki! Loki! Lokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokilokiloki!

His feet hit ground, a shockwave of pain radiating up his legs. The screaming and shouting of his name ceased.

He was in the asteroids.

No.

He tried to run and tripped over something. The ground was warm and slick, a puddle of dark liquid pooling in a crevice of the asteroid. In the wane light of the stars he pulled his hands up and saw them covered in red.

He followed the trail to its source and saw what he had tripped over. A corpse. Eyes staring up at nothing, face frozen in fear in their last moments.

It was you. Your cold lifeless body sprawled on the asteroid, blood seeping from your mutilated body. One hand held protectively over your stomach while the other was dug into the rocky crevice of the asteroid.

No! He crawled over to you, refusing to believe it was real. Please. Please come back. Please don’t take her from me! She is all I have!

Return the stone.

Loki’s blood ran cold as the voice echoed around him.

Return the stone.

No.

Return the stone.

It isn’t real. This isn’t real!

She will be the first.

Stop it!

Return the stone.

A sob ripped out of his chest.

She will be the first if you fail.

Return the stone.

Wake up! Please darling! Wake up!

Your body began to fracture and break in his arms like a crumbling statue.

Her death is your fault.

No! No please! Stop this!

Return the stone!

Your eyes stared up at him, a tiny fraction of life lighting them as your body crumbled away in his arms.

I’m here. I’m here! Don’t leave me! Please! I’m right here!

Your mouth opened and a voice that did not belong to you spoke without moving your lips.

Return the stone or her death is on your hands.

A blast of blinding light shot from your eyes and mouth and hit him, incinerating him from the inside out.

Loki snapped up in bed, heart hammering in his chest and a scream trapped in his throat. You were asleep next to him, but with his sudden jerk to wakefulness you began to wake.

“Loki--”

Without another word he pressed a hand to your head and sent you back to sleep. He didn’t want to put you under a sleeping spell but he couldn’t look at you right now. He certainly couldn’t fathom talking to you. Not after what his mind had conjured to haunt him.

He scrambled off the bed away from your warmth and sat on the floor, arms hugged around himself as heaving sobs wracked his body. All he could think of was your dead body bleeding and crumbling in his arms. All he could hear was that haunting voice repeating those words in his ears.

Return the stone. She will be the first. Return the stone. Her death is your fault.

Her death is your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault!

“My fault.” he muttered through his grieving. “My fault…all my fault…”

The worst of his panic began to subside and he pulled himself back off the floor. You were still laying in bed, fast asleep and unaware of what Loki had been doing. He hoped you didn’t remember waking up in the morning. He didn’t need you worrying about him when there was so much already going on. All you needed to worry about was getting off of Asgard safely.

“My love…my precious love…” his hands hovered over you. He wanted to hold you close and never let you go, yet at the same time he was scared to touch you. “I won’t let them hurt you. I swear on my life, they will never touch you.”

He muttered spells of warding around you and around the house. So many that they overlapped and reinforced each other. His body was beginning to sap itself clean of magic but he kept going until he was sure that no one and nothing could enter this house or touch you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, flipped up the hood of his cloak and stepped out into the night. In the east the sky began to lighten as first light threatened to illuminate the dawn. He did not have much time.

With the last remnants of energy he had Loki ran for the bridge.

Notes:

.....or i guess not so sweet

Chapter 32: Nothing is Final Until You’re Dead

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Oh gods above…

Waking up felt like a chore in itself. Your body was moving sluggishly and you had to force your eyes to open. It felt like you could have laid back down and slept for another twelve hours. Why were you so tired?

The sun was shining through the window so you knew you slept through the night. Had you gone to bed later than you thought? Were you sick and didn’t know it?

You noticed the space in the bed next to you was empty, the sheets long cold. Where was Loki?

You shuffled out of bed and went to the bathing room to splash some water on your face in hopes of waking yourself back up. You walked out to the kitchen and saw no sign of Loki there either. Where in the world had he run off to? Whatever it was he’d probably be back soon.

You started making some breakfast and boiling water for tea when Loki finally showed up again. He had a bundle in his arms and he looked more tired than you felt.

“Good morning,” you yawned, “Where were you so early in the morning?”

“I thought we deserved something nice for what may be our last breakfast in Asgard.” he set a fresh loaf of bread that was still warm as well as a jar of jam on the table.

“That smells divine. And to think I didn’t know I could love you more.” you gave him a kiss and grabbed the bread to start cutting into slices. “Do you want this toasted?”

“Toasted sounds nice.” he said.

“Also, not to be rude but you look terrible.” you said, pressing a hand to his face. “Did you sleep alright? You look like death.”

“I woke up early and couldn’t fall back asleep.” he said, “I didn’t want to wake you so I went for a walk. Bakery had just opened as I was returning home so I got some bread.”

“Sorry you couldn’t sleep, but at least it led to something delicious.” you finished making breakfast and set it on the table. “If it makes you feel any better I don’t think I slept well either. I just woke up and I’m still sleepy.”

“Maybe you just need something to eat.” he edged the jar of jam towards you. You slathered a large helping on your toast and took a bite. The fresh taste of sweet fruit danced on your tongue, waking you up a bit.

As you were enjoying your breakfast there came a knock at your door. Loki got up to answer it. You peered past him to see who was there and nearly choked on your toast when you saw Thor. You thought that it was agreed he wouldn’t seek you out at home again.

“Loki, I need to speak with you.” Thor said, shoving himself inside the house.

“Is it that urgent?” Loki sighed, checking that no one had followed Thor before closing the door. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Jane. Yesterday she disappeared from Heimdall’s sight and when she re-emerged something had grafted itself into her. I brought her back to Asgard but--”

Thor was talking in a panicked jumble of things you didn’t understand.

“The mortal woman?” Loki cut off his brother. “You brought her to Asgard? Odin is going to--”

“Odin has already lectured me. I needed to come to you because I thought you may be able to help.” Thor said.

“With what? What has your precious mortal contracted that it bore bringing her back here?”

“The Aether.” Thor said. The room went silent.

You spoke up first. “Isn’t the Aether the thing that Thanos tried--”

“No.” Loki said, cutting you off before you could finish your question.

“The healers do not know what to do and neither does mother or father so I thought that you may--”

“I said no!” Loki snapped. “I don’t know how to extract the power that flows through your mortal and even if I did I wouldn’t go anywhere near it.”

“Loki, please, it is sucking the life out of her.” From the way that Thor pleaded with Loki you could tell that this mortal woman, this Jane, was someone Thor cared about deeply.

You got up and took Loki’s hand. “My love, I know that this is not something you want to talk about but if this woman is dying don’t you think there is something you can do? You don’t even have to go near her, you’re very knowledgeable, you may know something that can help. A way to get it out of her?”

Loki did not untense at your touch which was concerning. Usually he relaxed when you touched him or held him. But you knew why your presence wasn’t having the same effect. What was going through his head was more fearsome a thing than you could quell with mere words.

“I don’t know.” Loki repeated. “I do not know how to help your mortal…I’m sorry.”

Thor nodded, his throat bobbing as he tried to swallow down a difficult emotion. “I believe you. I had hoped…”

You wanted to say something, offer some words of comfort but you had no idea what to say in this situation.

Before any of you could find something to say an alarm began to sound from far away. You all ran out of the house and saw in the distance the alarm was coming from the palace. “That’s the sound of the prison.” Thor said. “There must be a skirmish.”

“The palace will be in a panic…” Loki muttered to himself. “This may be it.”

“What are you talking about?” you asked. “What’s going on?”

“Stay in the house and hide. Do not come out for anything! Do you understand?” Loki said, grabbing you by the shoulder.

“Why--”

“Do you understand!” he stressed.

“Yes.”

“Good.” he gave you a quick kiss. “Go inside and stay safe. Thor,” he turned to his brother, “Take me with you. This may be my only opportunity to get the prophecy from Odin.”

“Are you sure about this?” Thor asked.

“I’m not leaving Asgard until I get it.”

Thor sighed but grabbed hold of Loki. “Hang on.” Thor spun his hammer and with a whoosh that kicked up the dirt around you they tore off into the sky towards the palace. You ran back inside the house and locked the doors and hid yourself in the bedroom right as a large crash shook the planet.

---

“Where is Odin?” Loki asked as he and Thor soared through the air towards the palace.

“He may be going to the prison to help with the--” Thor’s words were cut off by the crash of a giant ship into the ocean near the rainbow bridge. Then, before either of them could reconcile what just happened more appeared out of nothingness in the sky.

Immediately Loki’s thoughts jumped to you. They were being invaded and you were alone. He needed to go back. Damn everything else he needed to get you to safety. But the prophecy--but you--damn it all!

If you stayed in the house you should remain safe. He put as many wards and protections around it last night as he possibly could. A mountain could gave fallen on it and it should have remained standing. You would be safe. He kept repeating it to himself. You were safe. You were safe. You were safe. He couldn’t turn around now, not when he was so close.

“Drop me at the palace. You continue to the prisons.” Loki shouted over the rush of wind.

“And if something goes astray?” Thor asked.

Loki gritted his teeth. “Make sure she’s safe…please.”

Thor nodded solemnly.

As they passed over the palace to the prisons Thor released Loki as instructed. Loki focused his magic to slow his descent and land on one of the balconies. Even without being inside in actual years he still knew this place by heart. Loki charged through the palace as everyone inside scrambled and panicked. Some threw surprised and alarmed looks his way but most ignored him in favor of looking for a safe place to hide.

Loki wasn’t sure where or how to find Odin but he knew that he had to. He let intuition guide him, following gut feelings until he found himself charging down an all too familiar corridor. The hallway to the royal quarters. Standing in the hall were a small band of guards, Thor’s mortal companion, Frigga, and Odin.

Their attention turned from the heated conversation they were having to Loki. “What are you doing here, boy!” Odin shouted at him.

“You have something I need Allfather.” Loki said, out of breath. “Don’t make a big fuss and we can have this over with quickly.”

“Did I not warn you once before what would happen if you overstepped your bounds?” Odin snarled, “I will see you executed for this.”

“Good luck with that.” Loki created doubles upon doubles over him that moved and surrounded the group. He conveniently left an opening near Frigga and Jane that they recognized and Frigga quickly ushered them through. She stopped, glancing at the real Loki. How she knew it was him he couldn’t say. “Be careful.” she said.

They ducked away and Loki pounced with his attack. Doubles disorienting Odin and the guards as they slashed at illusions. Loki was already weak after last night and this force of magic felt like squeezing an already drained orange of just a little more juice. Mere drops that he was forcing to be gallons as he kept on the onslaught until he was finally close enough that he could move through the illusions and dispatch the guards. He could have killed Odin too but he still had something in his head that Loki needed before he ended his miserable life.

Loki reached to grab his head, to wrench the memory of the prophecy free but even with one eye Odin was quick to see his intention. The blunt of his spear slammed against Loki’s ribs, pushing him back and slamming the air out of his lungs.

Loki rolled out of the way as Odin tried to sink the spear into his gut. Loki’s magic flickered before dropping, the doubles fading away as he stood face to face with Odin.

“Tell me the prophecy and you yet may live.” Loki wheezed.

“You are under the impression that you have a chance of leaving this alive.” Odin said. “I don’t know how you came to know about the prophecy but you will never learn it. It is not for you to know.”

“And whatever it is, you cannot escape it.” Outside the sounds of war and carnage raged. Loki kept thinking of you. He kept thinking about how he had to get home to you. You were alone. He had promised to keep you safe. He needed to get back home and keep you safe.

“Some think fate is steadfast,” Odin said as he tried again and again to land on a hit on Loki who by the grace of his own footing was able to dodge out of the way. “But I know better. Fate is as fickle as a woman’s love. One day she will say that she loves you for eternity, the next she has turned her favor on another.”

“Speaking from experience?” Loki snapped. “Frigga no longer trusts you, does she?”

“Her heart is burdened by some misplaced sentiment for you.” he roared, “I will unburden her.”

“Stop this!” Frigga shouted, returning to the fight. Her magic wrapped around Odin. “I will not let you kill my son!”

“You are not his mother!” Odin struggled against the magic keeping him bound.

“Now Loki!” Frigga shouted to him. Loki realized what she was doing and leapt for Odin, a hand pressing to his head, nails digging into his scalp as he searched for the memory. Where was it? Where was it? There!

He could see a communion with beings beyond description. He heard nothing yet understood everything. The prophecy--

“Enough!” Odin bucked Loki off as he broke free of the magic binding him. He hefted the spear and threw it straight at Loki.

“No!” Frigga’s magic encircled the spear, pulling it off of Loki’s path. Loki used the distraction to jump Odin again to find the rest of the memory.

“Frigga!” Odin bellowed, the sheer terror in his voice made Loki pause, even as he was wrapping an arm around his throat.

Pinned to the ground by Odin’s spear was Frigga, a pool of blood staining her elegant gown and spilling onto the floor. Loki’s heart dropped through the center of the planet. “Mother!”

“Loki…” she said, weakly. “Now…Loki…”

Now?

The prophecy.

Despite the nausea that coursed through him Loki sunk the last dregs of power in him and found the memory, ripping it from Odin’s mind for himself. Odin dropped to the ground on his knees, hovering by Frigga’s side, seemingly uncaring that Loki was there or what he had done.

“Frigga…” Odin whispered in horror, “why did you…”

Frigga looked past Odin at Loki. “My son…”

In that instant Loki couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. She was bleeding out. There was so much blood. Why had she done it? It happened too quickly. She was going to live, wasn’t she?

Odin was reminded that Loki was still there and turned a lethal glare at him. He was going to kill him. Frigga grabbed Odin’s sleeve but kept her eyes on Loki. “Go.” she muttered in a weak and strangled voice. “Be safe…”

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Odin was torn. To end Loki or stay with his wife. Loki made the decision for him. And with any lasting strength in him he turned and ran. Prophecy in his head and his mother’s voice ringing in his ears.

---

The noise outside only got louder and more panicked. You had crawled underneath the bed, a kitchen knife in your hands as you waited and worried. And outside the noise wouldn’t stop. Everyone was screaming. The sounds of fire and falling rubble and explosions from near and far kept echoing in the air. And all you could do was cower in your ramshackle house praying that whatever carnage was outside would spare you.

Seconds passed like hours as you waited. Waited for silence, for Loki, for something. You felt close to crying but you forced yourself not to make a sound. You were the only peace you knew in this neverending cacophony of ruin outside your door. You would not break this small glass of sanity by making a single noise.

After what felt like an eternity the noises started to quiet. There was still panic but the crashing had stopped. Screams of terror turned into shouts of concern and reassurance. Yet you stayed under the bed, your hand wrapped tight around your knife.

Then, a break in the noise. A door opening, footsteps, another door slamming open. “Darling? My love, where are you?”

Your composure broke as a single relieved sob wrenched itself out of your throat. Loki shoved the bed against the opposite wall, revealing you curled underneath it. He knelt down and pulled you into his arms, squeezing you so tightly it hurt. For a minute you simply rocked back and forth in his lap as you sobbed in his arms.

He was muttering words of reassurance in your ear but you couldn’t make any of them out. All you knew was the steady sound of his voice calmed the tsunami of cracked emotions that churned inside you.

“Love, my love, you need to listen.” Loki insisted, pulling you back so he could look you in the face. “I know that what happened was scary but I need you to pull yourself together for me now. Please. My love, look at me.”

You forced yourself to take in a deep breath and nodded, looking into his face. There was something haunted in his face. A deep regret and horror that settled on him like a shroud of death, leeching all color from his face.

“That’s it. That’s good.” he wiped away your tears, “It isn’t safe here anymore. We need to go now.”

“Go? We’re going now? But I thought the Convergence--”

“We don’t have time to wait for that. We need to leave right now.” he grabbed your bag and shoved it into your arms. “Get up.”

Loki pulled you to your feet and without another word pulled you from the house. Had you known that was the last time you were ever going to see that little shack you had called home for years you may have looked back one last time. It was tiny and dingy and it barely even counted as a house but it had been yours.

You didn’t know where Loki was taking you until you arrived at the rainbow bridge. What were you doing here? It was not as if you could just ask the Gatekeeper to let you leave. Could you? Was that not the whole reason you were told to flee during the Convergence?

You were too confused and too frightened by what had happened earlier to give any voice to your questions. You arrived at the end of the bridge, inside the golden conservatory you had seen and heard so much about but had never used.

The Gatekeeper, Heimdall, sat at the floor, a large sword laid in his lap. Without looking up he spoke. “I saw you coming.”

“Then you know why I’m here.” Loki said.

Heimdall looked up, he had that same haunted look as Loki on his face. “Are you sure this is what you intend to do?”

“It is.” Loki’s hand crushed yours in his grip. “Please, you promised.”

Heimdall sighed and stood up. “That I did.” he glanced between you two before turning to slot the sword into the mechanism that opened the Bifrost. “I will give you a moment.”

“Are we leaving through the Bifrost?” you asked. “How did you--”

“I came here last night, it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that you will be safe.” Loki said. He pulled you forward, engulfing you in a hug. “Everything will be alright, I promise.”

“Loki, you’re shaking.” you rubbed your hands up and down his back. He was probably nervous about going through the Bifrost considering how badly he reacted just seeing it light up the other night. “It’ll be over quickly.”

“That it will.” Loki sighed. “I love you, my darling. I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too. But why--” he cut you off with a kiss, his hands tangling in your hair and cradling your head.

You could feel tears streaking down his face and wetting your own cheeks. Your head began to fog, a loud noise started growing behind you and you could feel something pulling you backwards. The last thing you remembered were red rimmed green eyes staring at you as you fell backwards, and two words spoken in a hush so quiet you barely heard it. “Forgive me.”

Then light engulfed you as you fell back, away from those green eyes and that quiet choked voice.

Notes:

...so...it may have got worse

Chapter 33: Missing Pieces

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The aftermath of the attack on Asgard was quiet. Many lives had been lost. Mourners lit candles in windows and sang quiet dirges. It was as if the entire planet had gone into mourning. And why shouldn’t it? The queen had been lost. Official word was that the Dark Elves had cornered her and killed her with the aid of Loki. A manhunt was on for him but this night, no one searched. Everyone simply mourned.

Loki sat in the sand on the beach. The air was frigid at this time of year but he hardly even felt it. He never did feel the sting of the cold much but at least he knew why now.

He wished he could feel it though. He wished he could feel the cold as it was meant to be. Cruel and biting. Literal numbness was preferable to this emptiness gnawing at his insides.

Frigga…she didn’t deserve that. She shouldn’t have stepped in to help. What had she been thinking? She had used her magic to pull Odin’s spear away from hitting Loki but in the pursuing melee had inadvertently turned it on herself. Now Loki was being blamed for her death in an attack he had nothing to do with.

He almost wished that some guard would find him and run him through. He’d welcome anything if it made him feel something. Pain would have been better than this sheer nothingness.

In his hands Loki twisted a handkerchief over and over. The handkerchief you had so lovingly embroidered for his birthday…

Ah. There was the pain he had wanted.

He had made a promise that if Thanos came to Asgard that he would erase everything about himself from your mind. With news that the Aether was now on Asgard as well as the Tesseract Loki realized the danger everyone was in. If word got to Thanos then Asgard would be his target in an even bigger way. So though it had pained him Loki did what he thought was only right.

Heimdall was surprised to see Loki the other night, more surprised by his plea. That if things should go wrong then Heimdall would let you use the Bifrost to send you somewhere safe. And that was what he had done. He even had the mercy to turn his back when Loki collapsed to the ground in front of the inactive Bifrost and wept until the tears would no longer come.

You were gone. All the memories that he and you had shared now rested with Loki alone. You weren’t even you anymore. When he had sent you away he had not only taken your memories but had replaced them. You were an Asgardian no more. You were a simple human from earth. No one would even bat an eye at you which was what he preferred. Anonymity and safety.

It was the right thing. The safe thing. And it felt like someone had crushed his heart into useless pulp.

It was early morning when Thor found Loki. He almost wished that Thor would have believed Odin’s lies and obliterated him with a lightning bolt. Instead his brother sat down next to him on the frozen sand, hands folded in front of him.

“Did she suffer?” Thor asked.

Loki shook his head. “It was quick. She was bleeding out for a minute but then she passed.”

“Odin said you stabbed her. I know you didn’t.”

Loki wanted to claw his skin off. “He threw Gungnir at me and mother she--she used her magic to divert it. The pull must have been too strong because it ran her through instead.”

“She deserved better.”

“It should have been me.” Loki muttered.

“Don’t say that. Between you and her she would have wanted you to live.” Thor hesitated a moment before placing a hand on his brother’s back. “Convergence is in full effect tomorrow but it may be better for you and your wife to leave today. I’ll talk to Heimdall and have him--”

“She’s gone.”

“What’d you say?”

“She’s gone, Thor.” Loki spat.

Thor’s face paled. “The invasion, was she…”

“No, she lives. But I already went to Heimdall and he sent her to earth for protection last night.”

“Then why aren’t you with her?”

Loki didn’t answer.

“Loki,” Thor stressed, “why didn’t you go with her?”

“I can’t leave yet. Not until this is finished. Not until I figure out what this damn prophecy means and make sure things are safe for her.”

“You got the prophecy after all.”

“Yes.” though the cost was far more than he expected to pay for it.

“What now then? What will you do?”

“First, we need to get the Aether off of Asgard. Two infinity stones in one place is asking for trouble.”

“We have to get it out of Jane first. Come up with any ideas since the last time I asked you?”

Loki let out a long breath, this was easier to talk about than you at least. “The only way to get it out of her is to draw it out of her. The only person we know that is capable of doing that are the Dark Elves.”

“So we have to give them exactly what they want.”

“Long enough at least to get it out of the mortal, then it needs to be destroyed.”

“I’ll talk to the Warriors and come up with a plan. You’ll need to stay in hiding until we are ready to move. The city is crawling with soldiers looking for you.”

“And yet here I sit in the wide open and the only one capable of finding me is you.” Loki scoffed.

“That’s cause I know you, brother. Had many years to learn where you like to hide when you’re feeling your lowest.”

Lowest. Yes. That was exactly where Loki was. This was his lowest point. What did he have but an empty heart that continued to echo with the pain of loss and loneliness. It was far too late to start regretting his choices now. He needed to figure out this damn prophecy, get rid of Odin, and then if he thought he was brave enough get rid of Thanos. Then and only then would he be able to return to you. He needed to make the universe safe for you to live in, but it was going to take time.

Depending on how long it took…

Loki didn’t even want to think about it. He didn’t think about what all he would miss, what may happen. You were gone without a memory of him in your head. He didn’t expect you to be waiting for him. What if after it was all over he returned and you had moved on? Found some human to settle down with and love, unaware that you were already married.

He needed to stop thinking of you as his. He had lost that right the moment he sent you through the Bifrost without him. How had it only been a single night and he already missed you this terribly?

Thor left to come up with a plan and Loki sat and watched the grey water churn in the ocean. Loki’s thoughts churned with it, pain and sadness grew and morphed into a burning anger and resentment.

None of this should have happened. If Odin had never stolen Loki from Jotunheim then Loki would never had to deal with this mess. He would have never known you existed and as horrible as that thought was maybe it may have been for the best. Or maybe if you hadn’t tried to save his life and let him die. Maybe if Odin had just let Loki live in peace with you. So many maybes and what ifs running rampant through his head.

Why was it that every time Loki thought something in his life was going well something happened that ruined it all? Could he truly have nothing? Was this some sick cosmic joke the universe was playing with his life? What had he done to deserve such vitriol? Was it simply because he had been born?

Frustration and rage coursed through him, igniting his insides. He was going to kill Odin. He was going to kill Thanos. Then with blood soaked hands he was going to rip a happy ending from the sadistic fates that tried to dictate his life and keep it safe from the horrors of the world.

Thor returned in the afternoon with his plan. It was well enough. What they needed from Loki was passage out of Asgard. He needed a skiff which was part of what had kept him from taking one and running away with you sooner.

Loki walked with Thor through the halls of the palace to one of the Dark Elf ships. At the same time Sif arrived with Jane in tow to make their getaway.

“You!” Jane’s gaze landed on Loki. She raised her hand to slap him and he didn’t bother stopping it. “That was for New York.”

“Oh, Jane, we talked about the whole mind control thing already, remember?” Thor stepped between them.

“It’s fine.” Loki took in a deep breath. The sting on his face only fanning the flames that raged inside him. “Let’s get this over with.” He turned to keep moving.

“I was expecting him to be more…” Jane muttered to Thor, “I don’t know, asshole-ish.”

“He’s mourning our mother.” Thor whispered back to her, “As well he just sent his wife away to earth so he’s missing her as well.”

“He’s married?”

“You two know you’re not talking as quietly as you think you are.” Loki snapped, his patience already wearing thin. “But yes, if you must know, I am married. But I erased my wife’s memory before sending her to earth just to make sure she wouldn’t be targeted by Odin or anyone else.”

Thor frowned. “You erased her memory? You didn’t tell me that.”

“I don’t see how it was any of your business.” Loki continued charging forward. “I did what I needed to do to protect my family now if you want to save this human we need to get a move on.”

Without another word they marched to the crashed Dark Elf ship in the palace and launched it back into the sky. They wanted to get as much attention on this ship as possible so when they jumped off to get to the skiff the soldiers would keep chasing the large ship. During the pursuing chase Jane had passed out which wasn’t surprising considering what was coursing through her.

Once they were sure they had the focus of Asgard’s army on the ship they jumped down onto the skiff and it was Loki’s turn to take control. He skidded across the water, blood pumping hard in his veins.

“Loki?” Thor tensed as Loki steered the skiff towards a crack in the mountains.

“If it were easy, everyone would do it.” He kept his focus straight as they squeezed into the gap, the sides of the skiff scraping across veins of magic that created the rainbow bridge and Bifrost. Sparks became sputtering light at the bow of the skiff until it flashed. Loki’s grip on the steering tensed as he forced himself to not let go. He wasn’t falling. He was flying. Flying not falling. Flying not falling.

The light stopped as they emerged on Svartalfheim. It was what Loki imagined the home of the Dark Elves to look like. From what he could see the entire planet looked like it was left in ruins. Wreckage of Dark Elf ships and bodies long turned to bone and dust wearing both the armor of Dark Elves and of Asgardian soldiers.

They had made it, now it was just a matter of finding the Dark Elves and putting the second part of the plan into motion.

Jane was still passed out and laying down. Thor wrapped his cape around her to keep her warm and something twisted in Loki’s gut.

“What I could do with the power that flows through those veins.” He could use that power to turn Odin and Thanos into nothing but sacks of rotten potatoes if harnessed correctly.

“It would consume you.” Thor reminded him.

“She's holding up alright…for now.” Loki added after a beat.

“She's strong in ways you'd never even know.”

That was rich coming from him. Loki had seen true strength every morning when he woke up next to you. The way that you endured despite constantly being beaten down by life. You were the strongest person he knew. And he…

“Say goodbye.” Loki muttered.

“Not this day.”

“This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing! It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready.” Loki gripped the control tighter, “The only woman whose love you prized will be snatched from you--”

“Do not attempt to hurt me with your own grief!” Thor snapped, “I was not the one who shoved the woman he loves away. I did not betray Jane.”

“Betrayal? Is that what you think I did?” Loki scoffed. “I was protecting her. It was what was safest for her.”

“Safest for her or easiest for you?”

“You are a damn fool if you think that was easy for me!” Loki shouted. “It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I still did it! I did it to protect her! They will be safe and live full and happy lives away from all of this and that will be that.”

“They?”

Loki went rigid. Damn it.

“Loki, who is they?”

He sighed. “She…she is pregnant. I could sense another life growing inside her. I doubt even she has realized what has occured.”

“I thought you weren’t trying for kids yet.”

“We weren’t. But I cannot be certain that I always remembered to perform a contraception spell while in the heat of the moment. So no, Thor, I did not send her away for her safety alone but that of our unborn child as well. If we make it out of this alive I may yet return to them.”

“I’m sorry.” The anger bled out of him with Loki’s admission. “This whole mess, if I had just remained home, not stayed away for months--”

“If you had remained Odin would have found some other way to kill me and I would never have met my wife.” Even now Loki could recall the moment he saw you, jumping the barricade to save his life, your face sweating and eyes manic as the proposal blurted out from your perfect lips. “As messy as everything is I would not trade the last year with her or the child she will have for anything in the universe.”

“I’ll see you return to her and your child. I swear.”

“Don’t go making promises you can’t keep.”

The plan was working until it wasn't. The deception of betraying Thor to Malekith and using him to extract the Aether from Jane had worked just as they intended. Then Thor lifted his hammer to destroy the twisting mass of red energy and when the dust cleared the Aether was still there.

Loki felt his stomach drop into his feet. No. They were supposed to destroy it. It was supposed to obliterate and then Loki never had to worry about Thanos' plan to kill have the universe. He knew he would never be safe as long as Thanos lived but he could have at least been comforted by the fact that one infinity stone would have forever been out of his reach.

The ensuing fight didn't amount to much but a stab wound and Malekith getting away. "Loki, are you alright?" Thor asked as he helped Jane up.

"Fine." Loki winced as he stood. "I keep telling everyone you were a baby for griping about such a tiny stab. Glad to know I was right, it was barely anything."

"We were eight when you stabbed me!"

"And? Like you didn’t punch me so hard my ribs broke."

"Guys," Jane interrupted, "World ending danger heading to earth, remember?"

"Right, Loki--"

"This is your fight. I have my own mission." Loki said. "I have the prophecy. I'm going to figure out what it means and take down Odin. I'm sure you can handle these elves yourself."

"And your wife? She is on earth."

Loki clenched his teeth. "If you see her, keep her safe. But she should be somewhere remote. No major cities where there's a lot of attention."

"Loki, before we part, what was the prophecy?"

“I suppose you deserve to know too.” Loki said, “It goes as follows, Born thrice of first mark fate unfurled. Born frost shall raze thy world. Born mirror shall see it endures. Born death to you shall be yours.”

Thor’s brow furrowed. “What could that mean?”

“I don’t know. The most I can figure is that the last line prophesies how he dies. I need to go and figure out what it all means. I’ll be gone for a while, I don’t know how long. But for safety I need you to tell everyone I died here today, that way Odin doesn’t come looking for me.”

“And you really wish to do this alone?”

“Not unless you have some miraculous revelation about what the prophecy could mean now.”

Thor sighed and held out a hand. “Stay safe out there, brother. I hope you find the answers you are looking for, and I promise I’ll make sure nothing happens to your wife or child.”

“He has a kid too?” Jane asked.

Loki took his brother’s hand and gave it a hard squeeze. “Good luck in your fight. Make sure they’re safe. Hopefully one day soon we’ll all meet again.”

With that Thor and Jane disappeared into the Bifrost. Loki looked out on the devastation of the planet and transfigured one of the Dark Elf corpses to look like his own dead body. In his pocket he reached for the handkerchief you gave him and held it close. For the first time in over a year he was on his own again.

He pressed the handkerchief to his lips, kissing the delicate embroidery you so lovingly stitched into the fabric. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

---

Everything had been a bit of a haze and then a jumble of chaos when you woke up. You had woken up in some field, tired and disoriented. You remembered stooping over and retching into the cold wet grass. You smelled something like burning and realized patches of where you were kneeling had been burned but it was hard to tell in the dark what caused it.

You remembered flashing lights and sirens and worried voices muffled in your ears asking you tons of questions. Then you passed out again.

When you woke up you were in a sterile hospital room. The doctors that had come in told you that you had nearly been struck by lightning and the shock must have rendered you unconscious. There were no other signs of any problems but they would keep you overnight just to make sure.

“You and your baby are both perfectly fine.” the doctor said.

“Baby?” your brow furrowed. “What baby?”

“Oh, you’re pregnant, miss.” the doctor pulled out your chart, “About six weeks is what we calculated.”

Your brain moved sluggishly to try and take in the information. Pregnant, but when did you--oh right. You had a one night stand over a month ago, must have had unforeseen consequences.

“I see.” you nodded. “I…I’m just really confused. I don’t know how I got here, I think…I think I was running away from someone and ended up in that field.”

“You had quite a shock so your brain may be blocking out parts of your memory. They should return with time so don’t be alarmed if you can’t remember anything immediately.” the doctor turned to look at the door, “You do have a visitor, they’re waiting out in the hall. Is it alright if they come in?”

“Oh sure.” Who was visiting you?

A kind older woman stepped in, long curled hair pulled back away from her face. “Hello my dear,” she said, her voice as warm and soothing as her smile, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine I guess.” you were struggling to put a name to this woman’s face. She was familiar but you couldn’t say how. “Are you my aunt or something? I’m sorry, I think I’m suffering some kind of amnesia.”

“Not to worry, I’m a friend.” she sat down by your bedside, “My name is Frigga.”

Notes:

And the plot thickens a bit more!!

Chapter 34: Fragmentations

Notes:

Thank you to everyone who continues to love and read this fic! Thanks for all the comments and kudos and bookmarks!! Love you!!

And sorry for not getting to comments last chapter! I am soooooo tired bruh. I'm passing out immediately after i post this. But I assure you I saw and read all of your comments! They mean so much to me and I am ecstatic everytime I see them!!

(BTW Frigga really is out here proving like mother like son with faking your death lol)

Chapter Text

The doctors were correct when they had said that your memories would return once the initial shock had worn off. You had been running on so much adrenaline and then the near death experience of almost being hit by lightning had blocked out a lot. Thankfully with time and your friend Frigga’s help you started remembering how you had ended up in the hospital.

You had just escaped a cult which explained your odd clothes and unfamiliarity with a lot of modern technology. It took longer to remember Frigga though but once you did it all came flooding back. She held your hand as she explained who she was and how you had met, the memories unraveling in your brain as she spoke them. Frigga was someone who had escaped the cult before and when you met her by happenstance she pointed out everything you had ignored for years. It took a bit of convincing but she persuaded you to leave it all behind and you finally had.

You had decided to escape in the night, Frigga was supposed to pick you up after you got out but you went the wrong way and got lost in the dark. She finally tracked you down here and was helping you piece the memories back together ever since.

The next morning the doctors cleared you to go and Frigga took you home with her. She had a small house in the countryside. It was so quaint, it reminded you a lot of a cottage from a fairy tale book. She showed you to her spare room, now your room.

“Here, I went to the liberty of getting you some fresh clothes.” She opened one of the dresser drawers to show you the clothes she had bought you. “Get changed and get settled, I’ll be downstairs making us some lunch.”

So this was your life now. You sunk down onto the bed and sighed at how plush it was. It was so much bigger than the one you had before! You could have curled up and gone to sleep right then but you were still hungry so you got back up to change. While you were folding your old clothes you noticed something in your skirt pocket. When you pulled it out you found there was some letter inside. You didn’t recognize the language. Why was this in your pocket? Was it something you took from the cult before you left? You didn’t remember this being in there.

You walked down to the kitchen and found Frigga making sandwiches. “How do the clothes fit?” she asked.

“They’re fine but I was wondering if you knew what this is?” you handed her the letter, “I don’t remember why I had it in my pocket.”

Frigga took the letter with a small sigh. “Looks like a missive between elders. They used a language that no one else in the cult could read, it is most likely nothing.” she tucked the letter away in her pocket.

“What we should be focusing on is making sure you are well.” she said, “Being pregnant is no easy thing, especially when it is your first.”

“Still reeling from that discovery.” you placed a hand over your stomach. You were happy but there was also this overwhelming sadness that came with it. Was that normal?

“You’ll need doctor’s appointments and we can start preparing a nursery for them.”

“Oh yes, a nursery. I hadn’t even thought about that…” you gazed around the kitchen, “I don’t think I have room for a nursery.”

“There’s a spare room we can have converted into a nursery no problem.” Frigga said. “My dear, please, sit down. You look faint.”

“Sorry I…I guess I’m still trying to get used to all the changes.” you sunk into one of the kitchen chairs.

“Rest and good food will help with that.” she slid a sandwich in front of you. “Now, whatever you have questions about you feel free to ask me. I’m here to help you.”

“Thank you.” you picked up the sandwich and took a bite. You didn’t speak again until the entire sandwich was gone. “Frigga, have you ever been pregnant?”

“Yes. Twice.” she said. “It is taxing on the body but the result is worth it in the end. Do you have questions about pregnancy?”

“I suppose. I think what I’m feeling is just hormones but I can’t help this feeling that something is terribly wrong.” you said. “I can’t explain it, it feels like something is missing and I can’t find it. Is that normal?”

She paused, her pitying eyes watching you like a cub caught in a bear trap. “Oh my dear,” she patted your hand, “What you are feeling…it is to be expected after what you have gone through. The body remembers things the mind forgets or chooses to ignore. These feelings you are having are tough but they will temper in time. You must have patience.”

You sighed, resting your head on the table. “I feel so lost. I don’t know what to do with my life or with this baby.”

“All you have to do right now is rest. No one is expecting you to start building a life right now. Focus on yourself and give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened and try to enjoy yourself.” she pushed her chair closer and pet your head in soothing strokes.

Later in the day you settled on the couch to watch some tv while she got dinner ready. You said you could help but she was insistent that she treat you today since you just escaped the cult and got out of the hospital. So you scrolled through channels, eventually stopping on the evening news. Some supernatural or alien phenomenon had happened in Greenwich that caused a big upset for the locals with portals opening up and aliens coming through. You were flabbergasted. Some big blonde man who was apparently regarded as some kind of god was flying around in the footage.

And here you thought escaping a cult would be the strangest part of your week. You couldn’t pull your gaze from the screen. It made your blood thunder in your veins and your thoughts speed as if you had been kicked into a fight or flight scenario. It was all old footage, the danger had long since passed and was nowhere near you. So why were you scared? And why couldn’t you turn it off?

You kept watching the footage waiting for…something. You kept scanning every moment looking for something but you couldn’t figure out what. Were you going mad?

“Dinner is ready.” Frigga came in and saw what you were watching. She grabbed the remote and turned the tv off. “The world is a stranger place than you knew, best not to fret about it too much.”

“Right.” you shook off what you saw and joined her at the table. “Best not to fret.”

And so time went by. You got more familiar with the world around you outside of the cult and you went to doctor’s appointments for your growing baby. The first trimester was hard, especially when more pregnancy symptoms set in. The all over body aches and tenderness in your boobs were the worst of it. You had been given a small miracle when you didn’t end up having any morning sickness. Yet, it was the anxiety that was making you a mess. There was some deep paranoia that you were going to somehow lose the baby. You couldn’t explain it.

Frigga told you it was just hormones acting up again as well as your own fear being a new mom. Yet, when you went to bed you had such vivid dreams. Nightmares really. Pools of blood underneath you and a voice in your head berating you. By morning you could never remember much outside of blood and crying.

You’d hold your sides and whimper out a song that brought you comfort though you couldn’t remember where you heard it. “But trees dance and waterfalls stop. When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’ But trees dance and waterfalls stop. When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’ When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’” Over and over until the pain stopped.

You were laying on the couch of the living room with a bag of corn chips and sour cream dip, the latest craving your body was going through while watching some tv. It had been a particularly bad morning having woken up from another terrible dream and your back was killing you. You were just so tired and in pain and your body was changing enough that none of your normal clothes fit so you had to go and get new ones but you just did not have the energy. So there you lay in the stretchiest clothes you could find with a container of sour cream dip balanced on your growing belly, trying to chase away the lingering sense of dread with bad reality television.

“I’m back.” Frigga called to the house as she opened the front door. You heard her moving around the kitchen before she made her way into the living room. “Dear, have you moved at all since I left?”

“What is movement? I don’t know her.” you muttered.

“That bad, huh?” she helped you to sit up for a moment so she could sit then laid your head back on her lap.

“When is it supposed to get better? I thought the first trimester was supposed to be the hardest.” you grumbled.

Frigga smoothed your hair and hummed. “None of it is easy. Some days are harder than others but you have to think about what all there is to look forward to.”

“They won’t be born for months yet.”

“I know. But there are still things you’ll find that you love until they too turn into annoyances. Like when you feel your baby move for the first time. It’ll feel fluttery, like you have actual butterflies in your stomach but that is just the little one rolling around.”

“No fluttering yet.” you ran a hand along your bump, your mouth turning up into a small smile. “But now I can’t wait.”

“See, many things to look forward to yet.” Frigga copied your smile but there was something strained in it.

“Frigga, can I ask you about your family?”

“Whatever for?”

“You said you had kids but you never talk about them. Why not?”

“I suppose I don’t mention them because they’re scattered far from each other and from me. I don’t have much of a reason.”

“That hardly seems right. If you want to you can talk to me. I’d love to hear about your family.”

“You’re a sweet girl. But fine, if you insist.” she said, “I have three children, one girl and two boys.”

“I thought you said you were only pregnant twice. Were one of them twins?”

“No. My youngest was adopted.”

“Oh.”

“My oldest, my daughter, was ambitious and passionate. She had a great drive, although at times it felt like her ambition clouded her judgement. Eventually she had to move far away. My second child, he is like sunlight itself. He was and is still a very cocky man but he grew up and learned some humility and restraint. He’s doing good in the world, trying to make it a safer and happier place.”

“And your youngest?”

“Though he was adopted I have to say I think he is the one that ended up the most like me. Smart and clever but also stubborn, cares more than he lets on. Life was always hard for him. He didn't know he was adopted until he was grown and it happened in the worst way possible."

Your brows knit together. "Why didn't you tell him sooner?" Maybe things were different years ago but nowadays keeping a secret like that from a kid was more unusual. It didn’t end up helping anyone by lying about it for so long.

Frigga sighed with a touch of annoyance. "I wanted to. I wanted to tell him as soon as he was old enough to understand but my husband forbade it. Said it would only cause him more pain and like a fool I agreed. That was when I was still in love with him of course. If I could go back now I’d have gone behind his back and explained everything so much sooner."

You heard Frigga mention her kids plenty but this was the first she talked about her husband. "What happened to your husband?" you asked.

She composed herself with a small breath in. "I left him.” she stated with a proud air, “He was a rough man to love from the start but something overtook him in recent years. A fear or a paranoia of some kind. He believed that something bad was going to happen and he wouldn't confide in me what it was. It all became too much and when his actions threatened my children I knew things had to change, so I left. And I pray every night that things will turn out right. It is all I can do from here."

You reached over and and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

"I'm more sorry for the pain my children went through at his hands. Especially my youngest, I can only imagine what that fool may be doing. If he had just waited..." she trailed off, her voice heavy with regret.

"Hopefully everything will turn out right like you said. I believe it will." you tried to sound encouraging.

She gave you a warm smile. "Thank you. I think you would like him if you met him."

"Trying to set me up with your son?" You giggled, "You really think he'd be interested in a single mom?"

"I think he'd be ecstatic." she gave your cheek a pinch, “He’s tall, handsome, smart. What’s there not to like?”

"So optimistic." You sat up with a groan. "Ugh, I've been wallowing for a while. I'm going to take a walk around the block to wake myself up. If tall, dark and handsome shows up while I’m gone give him my number.”

---

Frigga waited until you were well away from the house before moving.

Her intention with coming to earth had originally been to meet with you and Loki when you escaped Asgard but she should have known Loki wouldn’t make things easy. Sent his pregnant wife away without a memory of who she really was in her head. A thorough but rushed implant of fake memories filling in gaps for her so she could better adapt. Thankfully for Frigga it was easy to manipulate herself into them to get her to trust her in this altered state.

She thought about removing it altogether but you were under enough stress already with the baby, what was the point in adding more by making you fret about Loki?

Frigga took out the letter she had meant for you to give to Loki. Obviously he had sent you through to earth before you had the chance to give it to him.

“Why couldn’t he have just waited?” Frigga muttered to herself.

She couldn’t keep stewing over this, she had work to do while you were out of the house. She channeled her magic and sent a message out into the cosmos toward the one person she knew could hear her. “Have you found him yet?” she asked.

“Not yet, Your Majesty.” came the calm and collected voice of Asgard’s gatekeeper. “He keeps himself concealed thoroughly.”

Damn. She taught him too well.

“Let me know the moment you find him. Pass along my message.”

“I will, Your Majesty.”

“And how does Asgard fair in my absence?”

“Odin grows more restless. Paranoia grows, heavier guard everywhere. He asks for reports from me multiple times a day to ensure everything is well with our borders.”

Frigga cursed under her breath. “Keep him calm and in line. Don’t stir things unless it is absolutely necessary. If the worst should happen make sure the evacuation is ready.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Good. And Thor?”

“Trying to find more infinity stones. Do you wish to let him know about your survival?”

“None of this matters if we cannot find Loki. We must locate him first before we can move forward.”

“I understand.” There was a pause. “And how does she fair on Midgard?”

“She is doing well. There is an air of sadness about her but she is living. Small memories of her past peek through at times but she remains oblivious. She’ll be happier when we find her fool of a husband.”

“I’ll turn my gaze to as much of the universe as I can see tonight. We will find him.”

“Thank you, Heimdall. Keep yourself safe. Hopefully all will be resolved soon.”

Frigga ended the communication. Keeping herself and you concealed was easy magic, communicating across large stretches of space without arousing detection was another thing entirely. Yet every day she stretched her magic to reach Heimdall, hoping and praying that would be the day he had found Loki. She couldn’t help anyone without him and Thor together, in everything she ever saw they had to be together.

She composed herself before you came back to the house. You were humming again, an old song Frigga used to sing to Loki when he was upset. He must have sang it to you at some point. When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’ When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’

Frigga could only hope that the song would reach his ears and he’d listen to its message. Come home. Come home.

Chapter 35: Best Left Remembered

Chapter Text

Six months and twelve days since the last time Loki had seen you. Six months and twelve days since he had sent you and your child to earth. Six months and twelve days he had been combing the universe for any information or leads about what this damn prophecy could mean. Six months and twelve days of no answers. Six months and twelve days he had been missing you and missing you grow with your child.

There were possibly two months left before you gave birth. Two months he could still be away trying to find a way to keep you safe. Two months until he missed the birth of his child and you would be going through it alone. Two months he dreaded facing because if he hadn’t found the answers now he wondered if he ever would.

Six months. Two months. None of it mattered. They could turn into years in heartbeat and that was what truly scared him. More than missing you, more than missing the birth of your child, what scared him most was how if this went on for years he would have absolutely no right to come back into your life. A few months is hard to forgive but forgivable still. Years? You would be an entirely different person by then. You would have made a life that could not easily be upturned if he came back into it.

He needed to find answers now or else he feared that he’d never be able to see you again.

After traveling the universe for a while Loki had decided to stop over at Knowhere. There was an old eccentric there that dealt in rare items but also valuable information. Loki was about as close to praying as he could get that this time there would be answers.

When he arrived it took a little fanangling to see the man known as The Collector since he wasn’t using his true name or even his real appearance while he was roaming the universe. Once inside though his eyes roamed the vast array of flora and fauna that was housed in the large--he hesitated to call it estate, warehouse was a better term.

The representative that had been leading Loki around the maze of cages stopped. “May I present The Collector.” she gestured with open arms to a man with white blonde hair and dead eyes with an unnerving stare.

“Welcome weary traveler.” The Collector made a show of doing some bow. Loki returned it with something humbler. “I was told you were quite insistent on seeing me. For what purpose? Something to trade I presume.”

“Of a sort.” Loki said. “I come seeking information about a prophecy I hope to see come true.”

“This prophecy must not be yours then.” The Collector said. “Those that are given prophecies always try to defy them yet they happen just as surely as the universe keeps growing.”

“It is of Asgard in origin.” Loki said, “I believe it is reference to the king.”

“Asgardian, that explains the tone in your voice. Formal but curt.” The Collector chuckled, “I received a visit from some of your ilk not too long ago. And here comes another to my doorstep asking about a prophecy. You are no common Asgardian are you.”

“Who I am is not what we are here to discuss. I want to know if you know anything about this prophecy.” Loki snapped, his patience wearing thin.

“I know of no prophecies given to Asgard’s Allfather. I may yet interpret it if you would share it.”

He had already shared this prophecy with more than a dozen supposed wisemen throughout the universe. What was one more? “Born thrice of first mark fate unfurled. Born frost shall raze thy world. Born mirror shall see it endures. Born death to you shall be yours.”

“Hmm,” The Collector stroked his chin. “Cryptic as prophecies usually are. I could help but I must ask, what is in it for me if I do?”

“Is there anything you do not yet possess?”

“There are many things I do not yet have, for example,” The Collector approached one of the glass cages. It was empty but the interior was frosted with ice. “I have samples from many planets but none so far from that neighbor realm of Asgard, Jotunheim. I believe you can be of assistance with that.”

Loki froze. How did he know?

“I’m no pet.” he spat.

“Of course not, sire.” The Collector grinned. “But a sample would be more than worth an interpretation to the information you seek.”

“What kind of sample?”

“Just a prick of blood.” The Collector drew a long ornate pin from his sleeve. “That is all I ask.”

Loki didn’t like this, something about it stunk to him. “Blood is a steep price for a simple interpretation without any proof or assurance it may even be right.”

“Can you risk such gambles though?” The Collector held the pin out. “So?”

Loki stared at it. It was just a prick of blood. What could really be done with a single drop of blood? Too much in the wrong hands. But could he afford to gamble on an answer because of a single fear? In two months you would give birth, and that was being generous with his time. Something could go wrong and the baby could be born early that very day. Every day away was another risk of missing what should be one of the biggest moments of his life. But he could not shake the fear of what may be done with his DNA if left with someone like this.

“I’ll take my chances.” Loki said and turned away, cursing in his head that he was actually walking away from this. He had to tell himself that there was every certainty that whatever The Collector had to say it would just be another dead end like all the others.

He dragged himself to a loud and raucous bar to dull the pain and wash the bitter taste of failure out of his mouth before moving on. He had no idea where he would go next but he didn’t have time to stop and wallow for more than a few minutes.

He stood leaning against a wall, something sour and strong burning the back of his throat as he watched the chaos of the bar. Some woman with purple skin and some strappy outfit that looked like a mix between exotic dancer and martial artist sidled up next to him. “Why is someone so morose hanging around a spot like this?” she asked. “A handsome face like that, you should be smiling. I can put a smile on your face and it’d cost you less than one of these overpriced drinks.”

“I’m married.” Loki said. “Happily. So you can move on now.”

“You say happily but the frown says otherwise. It’ll be our little secret.”

Loki leveled her with a glare. “Not even if you paid me. Move along now.”

“Hmph,” the woman sighed, “Your wife must sure be something.”

“She is.”

She wandered off again and Loki was about to down the rest of his drink and leave when a pair of bodies went flying across the room, smashing into the floor with fists flying. Well, one was punching, the other looked to be a Groot and was wrapping their vines around the man on top of them. Next thing Loki knew there was a talking raccoon with a gun threatening to shoot people and more people came flying in trying to diffuse the situation.

Exciting way to end the night but it was time for him to leave. He turned to go when the pink girl from The Collector returned with her perfect little pose and chipper voice. “My lady, Gamora,” she said, “I’ve come to fetch you for my master.”

Gamora?

Loki followed the pink girl’s gaze where the people that had gotten into the fight and subsequently tried to diffuse it were standing. Among them was a woman with green skin and dark hair that bled into a fiery magenta. Loki had seen her before, on the ship. There was no mistaking that glare.

Gamora. A daughter of Thanos.

What was she doing there?

Loki took a step back, plastering himself to the wall as she and the others passed by. Did she see him? Had she noticed? She was going to see The Collector. The Collector seemed to see through Loki’s illusions, what if he told Gamora that Loki had been there? What if she was here to collect him?

No.

No. He wasn’t going back.

Loki turned and ran. Sweat gathered at the back of his neck as he stumbled in a dead sprint as far from there as he could get. There was no plan, no destination. The only thought in his head was distance. He needed distance. He needed distance and then he needed a place to hide. He needed--needed--

Run. Keep running. Hide. Find somewhere to hide. Run and hide. Run and hide. Run and hide! Run! Hide! Run! Hide! Don’t let him find you! Don’t let him get you! Run! Run! Hide! Run!

His foot hit some debris in the path and he fell head over heels straight into the ground. He tried scrambling to his feet and only managed in pulling his body into the space between a wall and a dumpster. His breath was quick and he could tell he was hyperventilating but he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop shaking. Couldn’t breathe.

He huddled into himself and prayed. Please. Please don’t find me. Please.

Hot stressed tears rolled down his face as he tried to slam some sort of control into his head. Please. He continued to beg. Please.

“Loki.”

Loki’s head shot up, whipping from side to side as he heard his name for the first time in months. “Wha--”

“Frigga is alive.” It took a second for Loki to realize he was hearing Heimdall’s voice in his head. But how did he find him? He had been concealing himself.

Then what Heimdall said echoed in his head. Frigga is alive. If this was his sanity finally slipping Loki didn’t appreciate such a cruel joke. But if it was real he needed to know. “Where?”

“Midgard.” Came Heimdall’s reply then there was silence.

Frigga was alive. Frigga was alive and she was on Midgard.

Maybe Loki was only hearing what he wanted to hear. Maybe his brain conjured a final message of hope to break him from his freefall but either way it didn’t matter. He had latched onto some control and he wasn’t letting it go again. If Frigga was alive and was on Midgard then he had to go. If Frigga wasn’t alive…he still needed to go. Perhaps this was the sign to leave fate to its whims and return to what was most important to him.

---

Loki was practically vibrating the entire trip to Midgard. The moment he had gotten Heimdall’s message he had booked it to the ship he had commandeered early in his travels. He was still so far away from earth and he couldn’t relax no matter how fast he was going. All he could think of was that Frigga was alive and she was on the same planet you were.

When he got to earth it didn’t take him long to track the signature of her magic, he knew it intimately well. What confused him was the location. It was the same town that Loki had sent you. A quiet place near no big cities or major news outlets, a place where it was easy to acclimate into because it was so sleepy and out of the way.

He was starting to think it wasn’t just a coincidence that he was able to track his mother to this town.

He found the house that teemed with the invisible force of her magic. Cloaking spells and such to keep it off of anyone’s radar. All except for that whisper of magic that lured him in like a fish on a hook.

He took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock on the door. A moment later it opened and Loki felt his shoulders raise as he came face to face with Frigga. She was dressed in Midgardian clothes and her hair was not in the elaborate styles he was used to but she radiated no less power. “Mother.” he breathed out.

“Oh my precious boy.” she held her arms out and he entered them gladly, weeping into her neck. “It is alright my son, it is alright now.”

“I thought I had killed you.” he sniffed, trying to rein in his emotions. “You died trying to help me--”

“I know. I know it was a cruel deception but I needed to get away from Odin and you needed him distracted.” she rubbed his back. “I’m sorry to make you mourn me.”

He pulled back wiping the tears from his eyes. He had wanted to be strong but the moment he had seen her alive and well he couldn’t hold it in any longer. She tugged him inside the house. “I was going to let you know my plans but someone never got their letter.” she produced a letter from her pocket. “I had given it to your wife to give to you after you had made it off of Asgard but to my surprise and annoyance I learned you sent her here on her own.”

Loki bowed his head in shame. “I thought I was doing what was best for her. There was so much going on and I didn’t want her or the--” he cut himself off.

“The baby?” Frigga raised a brow at him.

Loki winced, his guilt digging in deeper. “You know?”

“Yes. And you should also know that--”

“Frigga, I’m back.” Loki’s head shot up at the sound of your voice. “They didn’t have any fresh cauliflower so I got broccoli instead. I hope that’s a fitting substitute.”

And then there you were, arms laden with groceries and your belly noticeably bigger. You looked well. There was a healthy plumpness to your face and a certain glow about you. Loki felt his knees give out from under him and it was only because he was near a wall that he hadn’t dropped entirely.

You looked up, looked right at him into his eyes and there was just…nothing. No recognition. No warmth that brightened your features when you saw him like there usually was when he came home from work. All you saw was a stranger, your gaze flicking away from him back to Frigga.

“Who is this?” you asked.

“This is my son.” Frigga said.

“Oh.” you brightened, “Nice to meet you. Are you staying for dinner? I would have picked up more food if I had known you were expecting company.”

“It was a surprise visit, do not worry about it.” Frigga said. “And he will be staying for dinner.”

“Great. I’m going to go put these away, you two keep talking, don’t mind me.” you moved past them into the kitchen.

“Let’s talk outside.” Frigga motioned him away and out of the house.

“You’ve been with her this entire time?” Loki asked.

“Yes.”

“How did you find her?”

“It was fairly easy.” Frigga said, “But I think there’s another question you are wanting to ask.”

“You didn’t restore her memories. Why?”

Frigga sighed. “The girl has enough to worry about growing another person. Mourning and worrying over you would have only made things worse. But you are here now, you can restore her memories any time you like…if you want to.”

“I do.” Loki said immediately.

Neither of them moved and Frigga tilted her head. “Then why are you hesitating?”

“She seems so happy…” without me.

“This is one of her good days, many times she wanders in a stupor looking lost. You did a good job at removing yourself from her memory but the body still remembers and when it does it confuses her.” Frigga said. “She has been waiting for you to come home.”

“Do I even still deserve to be a part of her life after what I did?”

“She is your wife, you are her husband. Instead of thinking about what may go wrong think of how happy she will be to be reunited with you.”

Loki ran his hands through his hair. “She’s still going to kill me.”

“Yes. But do you really want her to stay a stranger?”

“Things are still dangerous, it may yet be safer for her not to know anything until after it is over.”

“You’re making decisions for her again.” Frigga said in a voice that reminded him a lot of when he was younger and she would scold him for not listening.

“How is what I am doing any different than what you did by not restoring her memories?” Loki shot back.

“The difference is that I didn’t know where you were or what had happened to you.” Frigga snapped. “The difference is that I did it to let her relax and not worry about where you were for months while we couldn’t find you. You are here now, you have the chance to have your wife back and you are instead out here arguing with me. And if for some reason you never returned, you got yourself killed out there in the wide universe, why make her suffer more?”

Loki tried to find something to say, some argument that would refute her claims but all that came out was a single broken sentence. “I’ve missed her so much.”

Frigga softened, cupping his cheek. “Then go get her back.”

Loki nodded and turned back towards the door. He entered the house and found you still in the kitchen, setting a kettle to boil. You were softly singing as you moved around the kitchen, oblivious to his presence. “In storm-black mountains, I wander alone. Over the glacier I make my way. In the apple garden stands the maiden fair and she sings, ‘When will you come home?’ When she sings, she sings ‘come home.’”

Even with your memories gone you still remembered that? He must not have done as good a job as he had thought. Yet, it made this next part easier. He was returning your previous life to you. It may be messy and he was far from perfect but he hoped that as angry as you were bound to be, you’d still love him all the same.

“Ahem,” he cleared his throat.

You turned, startled. “Sorry, I didn’t notice you there. Did you need something? Can I get you anything? I’m brewing some ginger tea, would you like a cup?”

“Yes. That would be nice.”

You went back about what you were doing, grabbing a pair of mugs from the cabinet and setting them down. “I can’t drink tea often so it’s always nice when I feel like I can indulge in a cup.”

“Why can’t you?”

You pointed at your belly. “There are very limited teas that are considered safe to drink when pregnant and even then you can’t drink them a lot.”

“I did not know that.”

“I’ve been learning a lot of stuff like that since I realized I was pregnant. Like, I learned that women have a nesting instinct sometimes. We get this undefinable urge to clean and organize when pregnant. I swear, I don’t think I’ve been this fastidious about cleaning in my life.” you chuckled. Loki only smiled, simply glad to hear your voice again.

“Oh, sorry, I’m probably boring you with baby talk.” you looked away shyly, “So you’re Frigga’s son. Which one? I know she has two.”

“The adopted one.” Loki said.

“Oh, the one she says is a lot like her.” there was a renewed fluster about you. “Are you visiting for a long stay or passing through?”

“I’m staying.” he said.

Loki was starting to wonder how he was going to get close enough to touch you without scaring you and then it seemed like fate dropped a golden opportunity into his hands.

“Oh!” you placed a hand on your swollen belly, “Little one is awake. She’s kicking up a storm.”

“You’re having a girl?” Loki’s eyes widened.

“Uh huh, found out last week. Sonogram is on the fridge.” you took a blurry black and white photo off the fridge. “You can see that’s her head and there’s her toes. Sometimes it’s hard to believe I have an entire person growing inside me and then you see these and it all floods in.”

“It’s amazing.” Loki was holding back happy tears. “You’re doing an incredible thing.”

You smiled. “Thanks.” you cradled your belly, “Do you have kids?”

“Not yet.” Loki stared at your stomach.

“They’re still kicking, do you want to feel?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Here.” you took his hand and placed it on your stomach. For a moment Loki forgot about restoring your memories, instead entranced by the tiny bumps he felt against his palm. That was his baby in there, his daughter.

He wanted to celebrate this with you. He took a deep breath and channeled his magic, letting it flow through you as he let all those memories back in. You were frozen, staring at him confused for a moment and then he saw a flicker in your eyes. You weren’t just looking at him, you were seeing him.

Your arms went slack at your sides. “Loki?”

The tears were flowing now. “I’m back, my darling. I’m so sorry I left.”

“Loki.” you rushed into his arms, holding him tight. He embraced you back, careful not to squeeze you too hard in your current state. “My Loki…”

It finally felt like his heart had started beating again now that you were in his arms. “I’ve missed you so much. You were all I ever thought about.”

You pulled back enough to smack his chest. “You ass! Why did you do that?” you were sobbing, hot floods of tears rolling down your face. “You erased my memories! You sent me here without you! What were you thinking?”

“I know. I know.” Loki let you keep hitting him. “I am sorry. I am so sorry, my love. I wanted to protect you. I thought that I was doing that.”

“You are my husband. I am your wife. Whatever we face we are meant to do it together! You shouldn’t have left me!” you sucked in a shaky breath. “How could you do that?”

“I don’t know if there is anything I can say that will make you forgive me. I know I made a mess of things but I was just so scared. I didn’t want you getting hurt so I did what I thought was best for you. I am so sorry, if you could only feel how sorry I am.” Loki dropped to his knees, “If you want me to beg your forgiveness I will. I’ll bury myself if I thought it would make you feel better for what I’ve done.”

“You can make it up to me for the rest of our lives.” you ran a hand through his hair. “For now get up and tell me where you have been all this time anyway.”

“Traveling. Trying to solve the mystery of the prophecy.” Loki stood up once more although he felt like he should have still been face down on the ground.

“And what? You figured it out so you came back?”

“No. I haven’t actually figured it out yet.” Loki said. “But I got a message from Heimdall that Frigga was here and she was with you and all I care about in this moment is you…and our daughter.”

You glanced down at your stomach. “You’ve missed a lot.”

“I know. I won’t miss anymore, I swear.”

You took a moment to breathe and rested your head on him. He wasn’t letting you go again for anything.

A few minutes later Frigga came back inside and saw you two gently embracing and breathing each other in. “Everything go well in here?” she asked.

You turned to look at her, “Frigga--I mean, Your Majesty--”

“No need for all that.” Frigga halted you. “We’ve been living together for months, you can call me Frigga. You’re also my daughter-in-law now, you don’t need to use any titles with family.”

“Thank you for taking care of me.” you told her. “I was lucky to have you.”

“It was a pleasure.” she took your hand. “But now that we are together I’m afraid more pressing matters cannot wait.” she turned to Loki. “You have the prophecy?”

“Yes.” Loki sobered up. “I’ve been trying to decipher it but I feel I am no closer to understanding it.”

“What is it?”

“I wrote it down. Here.” Loki pulled a piece of paper from thin air and handed it to Frigga.

She took it and read it over, her eyes growing wide. “We need to get a hold of Thor immediately.”

Chapter 36: A Prophecy Foretold

Notes:

AH! I don't know why but this chapter was giving me a lot of grief. I rewrote it like five times and a part of me wanted to trash it but it is a necessary chapter that will launch us into the final few chapters of this fic! Gah! I think it's just the fact that we're coming up on the end that makes writing harder. There's a lot to get through and tie up and my brain is mush. But it's FINE. We're FINE! Let's go!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You sat for a long time in silence. Frigga was in the other room communing with Heimdall to get word to Thor. After your tearful reunion you suddenly didn't know what to say. What do you say to your husband after he erased your memory and sent you away from him for months on end? You understood why he had done it but it didn't mean you agreed with him. You wanted to stay mad at him for a while longer but you also couldn't motivate yourself to move away from him either.

You ran a hand over your stomach. "Did you know I was pregnant when you sent me away?" You asked.

Loki gave a slow nod of his head. "Yes. I wanted to keep both of you safe. All I could think about was the danger you'd be in and I wanted to get you out of the line of fire."

"It still doesn't excuse why you let me go alone. If you had come then you wouldn't have spent months traveling on your own trying to decipher a prophecy that apparently Frigga already knows something about."

"I know. I should have listened to my wife." He glanced at you, regret etched deep into the lines of his face. He looked so tired. "How have you been? I imagine being pregnant isn't easy."

"Good days and bad days. My back hurts all the time and my milk came in so my boobs hurt a lot too. It’s a lot of body aches mostly." you stared down at your stomach. “I look like I swallowed a watermelon.”

“You looked beautiful, watermelon and all.” he rested a hand on your stomach. “I knew you’d look beautiful pregnant, I just didn’t realize how much.”

“You’re trying to butter me up so I forgive you faster, aren’t you?”

“I haven’t seen you in months, missed so much while you were here growing our child. I only want to make up for all the time I wasted and everything I missed.” he pressed a kiss to your cheek and then a kiss to your belly. “I promise, little one, I’m not going to leave again. I’m going to stay right by your side to protect you and your mama.”

“And he means that because if he does something like this again I am going to hunt him down and kill him myself.” you sent a somewhat serious look at him.

“It’d be an honor to die at your hand, my darling.”

Frigga returned after communing with Heimdall and said that Thor would arrive as soon as he was able. He still had to avoid Odin’s watch so he couldn’t leave until it was assured Odin wouldn’t be suspicious of him. It probably would not be until tomorrow or the day after. Loki asked to know what Frigga knew about the prophecy but she said it would be better to wait until Thor was there to talk about it.

After dinner you retired to bed. You had gone to sleep in this bed every single night since you came to Midgard and yet it had always felt so big, vastly too big. You had often curled yourself around one of the unused pillows just so more space would be taken up. At that point you hadn’t known why. You couldn’t fathom why your arms stretched for the empty half of a bed like they were expecting something to be there. Now though, finally, you had something to hold onto again.

Neither of you slept for a long time. You stayed up talking quietly, things you hadn’t dared to say in the light of day spilling out under the cover of night. Admittances about how hurt you actually were, confessions about how hard everything was, the pain you both had gone through, how you felt now that you were finally back together. It wasn’t an argument, it was an outpouring of pain from the last several months that you hadn’t confronted until now.

You talked and laughed and cried and made the same promises over and over until the weight of the day finally sent you into slumber. And when morning broke you felt like the sun was shining brighter than it had the day before.

Loki opened his eyes to see you and smiled, nuzzling his face into your neck. “Am I really in bed with my wife or is this another dream?” he murmured lazily, “Nevermind. I don’t want to know. I just want this to continue.”

“Were you always this clingy or is this because we haven’t seen each other in months?”

“Yes.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t stop him from peppering kisses up your neck and across your face. You could have stayed in bed all day if it wasn’t for a certain baby pushing on your bladder and forcing you to get up. You had to say getting out of bed was easier now that you had Loki to help haul you to your feet.

As you got ready for the day the familiar sense of domesticity washed over you. You moved around each other as if no time had passed at all. For a brief moment you were able to pretend that everything was fine. That there were no threats or prophecies looming over you. For just a second you got a peek into what life should have been for you both. A nice house, an easy morning, and a baby on the way.

The spell was broken when you left the sanctity of your bedroom and found Frigga and Thor in the kitchen making breakfast. “When did you get here?” was the first thing out of Loki’s mouth. Tactful as always.

Thor looked up. “Nice to see you too, brother. I arrived a couple hours ago but mother warned me that if I woke either of you up early I wouldn’t be getting any breakfast.”

“You should have woken us all the same.” Loki grumbled, taking a seat at the table.

“Nice to see you, Thor.” you said, ignoring your callus husband. “I appreciate you letting us rest but with what is going on perhaps it would have been prudent to wake us.”

“A couple hours isn’t going to end the world.” Frigga said, setting food on the table. “You two needed the rest and it gave Thor and I time to talk.”

Right. Loki had explained how Frigga had faked her death to get away from Odin and the shock he got when he heard she was alive. Thor must have been in a similar situation, thinking his mother was dead just to have her rise from the grave and tell him to come to Midgard.

Once everyone was sitting eating breakfast Frigga began to explain why it was so prudent that both the brothers had to be together to hear what she had to say about the prophecy.

“When I read the prophecy that Loki managed to steal from Odin I realized immediately what it was referring to.” Frigga started, “‘Born thrice of first’ refers to Odin’s three children.”

“Odin only has one child.” Loki practically spat.

“No. Three.” Frigga said, “Whether you like it or not, Loki, you are a part of this family.”

“So I guess that makes me ‘born frost’ does it? I had a feeling it was but I didn’t understand what it was talking about.” Loki sighed. “Fine, what about the rest? Who is this third child it is referring to?”

“‘Born death to you shall be yours.’” Frigga repeated the last line. “It refers to Odin’s firstborn. Hela, the goddess of death.”

The table went silent.

“We have a sister?” Thor stared at his mother, “Why have we never heard of her? Not even a whisper.”

“Many years ago, before Asgard was the metropolis that you grew up with Odin and I were newly married. We had a daughter together, Hela. Odin raised her as his general and together they conquered the nine realms through blood and pain. Eventually Hela’s ambitions and bloodlust grew to be too much, even for Odin. She threatened to take Asgard itself by force even though it was already hers through the right of succession. That is when Odin sought out council on what to do about her. He returned one day with a prophecy he would not let me see and shortly after banished Hela.

“At the time I thought that he had banished her because she wanted to continue with war and conquest but seeing this prophecy I understand now that he did so to avoid her destiny to kill him.” Frigga took in a deep breath. “I wished that there was more I could have done for her but as a young queen I feared opposing Odin. When Thor was born though I promised to not let Odin twist my children into something monstrous again. Instead I let him manipulate my sons against each other, using you both for his own selfish agenda. Despite the years I suppose I am still the young witch that didn’t know how to hold the weight of the crown and the mistakes I made resulted in all of my children suffering at the hands of Odin.”

“Mother you mustn’t blame yourself.” Thor began.

Frigga held a hand up to stop him. “Do not put me on a pedestal. I am far from perfect, was complacent in issues I should have demanded more. I will not pretend that all of this is Odin’s fault. But now that you know the truth we must discuss what we should do.”

Loki had remained silent, something pensive in the furrow of his brow. “He banished Hela, banished Thor, tried to kill me multiple times. Could that have been him trying to defy the prophecy?”

“Perhaps.” Frigga said.

“It makes sense now. That night Odin kidnapped me from the streets he had said something about fate accelerating if you try to defy it. It is why he didn’t kill me outright. He must have been scared that by killing me it would somehow make the prophecy come true faster.” Loki said. “If each of us represents a line in that prophecy then it sounds that ‘Born frost shall raze thy world’ means that I am destined to start Ragnarok and Hela is meant to kill Odin.”

“Then what of me? I’m the mirror?” Thor asked.

“‘Born mirror shall see it endures.’” Loki nodded, “You do reflect a lot of Odin whether you want to admit it or not. But it sounds like you’re meant to see that Asgard endures after Ragnarok destroys the planet.”

“A rather morbid prophecy.” Thor sighed, “It explains the dreams of fire and death I’ve been having in recent months. I was paranoid about Surtr coming to destroy Asgard that I went and killed him, I had just returned home when Heimdall spoke to me and told me to come here.”

“Under what circumstances would Loki need to start Ragnarok though?” you asked. “Is this something that is going to happen soon?”

“There is no way to tell when that will be.” Frigga said, “But I think what is most important is finding and freeing Hela so that she can fulfill her destiny of killing Odin.”

“You want to unleash the goddess of death?” everyone at the table stared at her in horror. “I understand she is meant to kill Odin but you said so yourself that she was extremely bloodthirsty. Do you think she has forgotten or forgiven her banishment after all this time? What if she still wants to take control of Asgard?”

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Frigga said. “But I have to believe that I may yet be able to speak to her. She is my daughter after all.”

“We should be prepared for if you cannot though.” Thor said, “I will not see any innocent lives ruined or taken because we want to get rid of Odin.”

“Do you know where Odin banished her?” Loki asked.

“She is in Hel.”

It was your turn to be confused now. “So she is dead?”

“No. Hel is a place that you can go to but the simple fact of the matter is that no one that goes there can return. No one that has ever gone there has returned. It is why Odin imprisoned Hela there.” Frigga explained. “It also kept me from going to go see her.”

“Fitting to name the goddess of death after one of the realms of the dead.” Loki sighed, rubbing at his temples. “And so all we need to do now is go to a place that no one has ever returned from, find the goddess of death, hope she will be on our side to kill Odin and not betray us, and then leave the realm which has never been done before.”

“Sounds like a grand adventure, doesn’t it?” Thor clapped him on the back. “Odds against us, worlds on the line, these are the types of adventures that are made into song.”

“Don’t go assuming everything will be all glory and no work.” Loki shrugged him off. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

“When should we leave?” you asked. This time the looks you got from everyone else looked at you with either regret or pity. “Why are you all staring at me? Should we not discuss how to get to Hel?”

“My dear, it is simply that um…” Frigga took your hand, “In your condition you shouldn’t be going.”

“What!”

“She’s right.” Loki winced at the lethal look you sent him. “Do not look at me as if I betrayed you by saying that. You know it is what is best.”

“You literally promised me yesterday that you would not leave me behind again. You promised that whatever the future held we would face it together.”

“I know and I meant it. But we are literally planning a trip to Hel. If we fail and are unable to return then that would mean you and our daughter would be stuck in Hel for all eternity. Is that what you want?”

“At least then we would be together. You would really leave me here while you go off to other worlds you may never return from? Separate from us for all time?”

“And you think Hel is a suitable place to raise a child?”

“This is all on the assumption that you won’t be able to leave Hel at all. What if everything goes well and you get off of Hel?”

“Then we will have Hela, we will kill Odin, and I will return home to you. There is no reason to jeopardize your wellbeing and that of our child because of this. I won’t risk it.”

“No. You’ll just erase my memory and send me to a strange planet on the assumption that you might return instead of letting me accept the risks myself. I want to go. I want to face this with you, no matter the dangers.”

“You’re thinking about yourself, what about our daughter?”

“You want her to grow up without you?”

“If it gives her a better life then yes!”

Frigga stood up, silencing your argument. “There is no point in arguing this. My dear girl, I understand your frustration and your desire to be a part of this but you have to accept that your current circumstances cannot be overlooked. No one is leaving you behind by choice, we are looking out for you and your baby.”

“That is exactly what I’ve been saying.” Loki stressed, running a hand through his hair.

“And Loki, I do not think that you should go to Hel either.” Frigga said.

Loki gaped at her. “What? Why not? If we need to free Hela--”

“It is then something that Thor and I can accomplish.” Frigga fixed him with a stern stare that you knew radiated the authority of not just a queen but a mother. “You should remain with your wife and child and look after them as you promised and not risk cleaving your family apart again.”

“But--”

“Your part will come. Right now though, you are unneeded.” Frigga insisted. “Stay here, keep your family safe, and we will return with Hela.”

Loki looked like he wanted to argue more but then he glanced over at you with your hands resting protectively over your bulging belly. The fire in his eyes died and he reached across, offering up his hand for you to take. “So be it.” he said, “We will remain on earth.”

You took his hand. “Good.”

“Now that has been sorted we need to figure out how to get to Hel and how we may escape again.” Frigga nodded. “But that can wait until after breakfast.”

You gripped Loki’s hand tighter. He squeezed it back, an assurance that he wasn’t going anywhere again.

Notes:

mom help my fictional couple is fighting

Chapter 37: Road to Hel

Notes:

Hey all! Wanted to say sorry about not posting last week. There was a lot going on. I had a big job interview, I'm gearing up for school to start again in a couple weeks, it was also my birthday weekend. There was a lot going on and I could not find the time to dedicate to this and make it good. So slight delay but everything should be back on schedule now!

Thank you all for you understanding and your continued love and support of this silly little fic of mine! Thank ya! Love ya! Happy reading!!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It took a few days of planning before Thor and Frigga decided that they were prepared to go to Hel. You didn’t want to think about what was going to happen if they ended up trapped there. If it was Hela’s destiny to kill Odin and Thor’s destiny to make sure Asgard perseveres then surely it meant that they would return. They had to.

The entire time they were discussing plans to get in and out of Hel you could feel Loki tensing up. He wanted to go and help as much as you did but if you couldn’t go then neither was he. You were glad that it turned out this way. As much as you wanted to help you had to concede that you going to Hel while heavily pregnant was not a good idea. You just hated the idea of being left behind again while everyone runs off to play hero. But knowing that Loki was staying with you was a relief. What you really wanted was to not be alone again and you felt more at ease with him around.

Also, Loki would never admit it, he needed the rest. When he first arrived on Midgard he looked terrible. He had admitted to not sleeping well for months and the constant wear of using his magic to conceal himself and the stress of trying to fix things had beaten him down. Even with a few good nights of sleep under his belt he still hard dark rings under his eyes. He had also lost a lot of the healthy weight he had gained while living on Asgard. This break while Frigga and Thor were on Hel would be good for him.

You said goodbye to your in-laws late one evening and then that was it. They were gone. You could do nothing but wait to see if they came back now.

For the first time in months you and Loki were truly alone again. You wanted to say that everything fell back into place as if no time had passed but that simply wasn’t true. He had been gone for months and even though you didn’t have your memories during that time you still felt his absence. The past couple of days had been pleasant but for all your talk you knew that forgiving his abandonment of you would take longer.

You knew he was sorry. He begged your forgiveness over and over. You told him you forgave him but your heart wasn’t in it completely and he knew it. Maybe this break away from everyone could help you get closer again too.

“Well…what should we do?” Loki asked after Thor and Frigga were gone.

“I’m going to brush my teeth and get ready for bed.” you turned around and went back into the house. “I have an early appointment tomorrow.”

“Appointment? Appointment for what?” Loki followed you.

“A doctor’s appointment. Routine thing to check on the baby and make sure everything is going well. It’s the same thing over and over every couple of weeks and it is honestly getting kind of old but they insist it needs to be done to make sure the baby is healthy.” you sighed, trying to stretch out the soreness in your back.

“Oh.” Loki hovered nearby. “What happens at these appointments?”

“Nothing major. They check my blood pressure, weight, the baby’s heartbeat, that sort of thing.” you shrugged. You glanced at Loki, something unspoken and pleading in his eyes. “Did you…did you want to come?”

“Could I? I’d love to hear her heartbeat.” he said, staring at your stomach.

That was right. He had missed all of that. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time, seeing them on the ultrasound, things you had become so accustomed to that you didn’t even think twice about it now.

“Sure.” you held a hand out for him. “The people at the doctor’s office think that this is the result of a passionate one night stand. Do you want to come up with a story and tell them you’re the father that decided to step up or something?”

“Whatever you like, just so long as I can be in the room with you. There is no other place I’d rather be.” Loki took your hand and rested his other hand on your stomach.

“Not even Hel to help the others?” you asked.

“If I get to hear my daughter’s heartbeat then I will have zero regrets.” Some of that ice around your heart began to melt at the open sincerity in his words. You really were the only thing on his mind all these months gone by, weren’t you?

You went to bed and woke up early the next morning to go to your appointment. Loki was dressed like the other humans which was good for blending in but you really weren’t used to it. Then again, after you regained your memories you kept catching yourself in the mirror looking confused at what you were wearing as well. It was not that you disliked earth fashion it was just that you were so used to Asgard that being in anything else felt like some form of dress up.

You pulled up to the doctor’s office and introduced Loki with the story that you had concocted. He was the father of your child that had stepped up to be with you and your child after you finally confessed that you had gotten pregnant from your one night stand. The staff nodded along and offered congratulations to him before ushering you into the back for your appointment.

Loki was practically vibrating with anticipation when they finished taking your blood pressure and started moving on to the ultrasound. You lifted your shirt and shivered slightly at the cold gel that was spread across your skin with the wand.

The screen was lit up with a black and white image of your baby curled up safely and serenely in your womb. You looked over to see Loki’s reaction and saw his eyes start welling up with tears. You never thought your husband much of a crier but you figured that seeing his child for the first time like this was a worthy enough reason to shed some happy tears. They started trickling down his face when the heartbeat started playing, loud and strong.

“She’s really in there.” he said, a disbelieving and joyous smile on his face. “That’s our daughter.”

“Sure is.” you held his hand. “Feels more real, doesn’t it? Seeing her, hearing her.”

“It does. Wow.” he wiped a stray tear away, “I knew I’d be emotional but I didn’t think I’d be blubbering like this.”

“It’s perfectly natural.” the nurse assured him. “Many dads get overwhelmed the first time. If anything, you’re a lot more composed than some other dads I’ve seen.”

“You were certainly better than me.” you chuckled, “I was sobbing almost the entire appointment but I can at least blame that on my hormones.”

“I don’t blame you. This is incredible.” Loki sighed, his gaze flicking from the monitor to you and back. “I also realized that we can use this time to ourselves to think of baby names.”

“Thank goodness, I’ve been having a nightmare of a time trying to pick something.” you had been going through dozens of names a week since you got pregnant and hadn’t connected with any of them yet.

You cleaned up and left your appointment with a clean bill of health for you and baby. As you drove back to the house you couldn’t help yourself wondering what Frigga and Thor were doing right then while you were blissfully frolicking around Midgard. You hoped they were alright and that they would come home soon. You were ready to put an end to all the ugly business and return to Asgard safely, hopefully before the baby was born.

---

Getting into Hel is the easy part. Getting out is what is considered impossible. Before Thor and Frigga could think about any of that they still had to find Hel in the first place. It was a realm but unlike the other nine realms it was hard to find, even if they were able to have Heimdall intercede and send them there it’d be hard for him to track. It was technically also an afterlife so it played by different physics than other planets.

Frigga was the one doing the most, using her blood connection to Hela to track where the realm was. It took days of tracking just to get there. From the outside the realm almost felt like it wanted to be ignored. Something about it made you want to turn away from looking at it and focusing on it took ten times the work.

They kept their focus though as they pressed forward and broke through the red haze surrounding the planet. Thor had heard tales of Hel growing up. He expected some desolate wasteland where those who did not die in glorious battle wandered the barren planet like empty eyed wraiths. The reality was castle different.

The land was lush and green with deep blue oceans and teeming with life at every turn. They touched the ship down outside of what looked like a town of wood and stone houses. People of all ages ran about living normal daily lives. Thor turned to his mother confused. “Are you sure this is the right planet?”

“I am sure.” Frigga looked around. “I mean, what were you expecting?”

“Wasteland and misery.”

“Seems a shame to have everyone who doesn’t die in battle have such a miserable afterlife.” she said. “Now let’s find your sister.”

“Do you not wish to prepare better for finding her? You said she was ruthless and bloodthirsty the last time you saw her. What if upon seeing us she tears us to shreds?”

“We won’t know until we find her.”

Thor really did not appreciate how blase his mother was being about the goddess of literal death. Sure she was her daughter but she has also been banished here for thousands of years. Who is to say that she would not see Frigga and want to eviscerate her for letting Odin banish her?

They followed a path through the village to a large house made of dark riverstone. There was a line of people waiting to get in. They got in line and Thor tapped on the shoulder of the old man in front of them. “What are you waiting in line for?” he asked.

“Hm?” the old man looked up at him, “Oh, aren’t you the young prince?” he said. “Such a shame to see you here, I would have thought you’d go to Valhalla for sure.”

“I didn’t die. I traveled here to seek out the goddess of death.” Thor explained. “But why are you waiting in line?”

“Well, I passed away earlier today. I’m waiting to meet the ruler of the realm. It’s only common courtesy to greet your host after all.” the man beamed. “I heard from the others in the town that she’s quite friendly.”

The ruler of the realm? Could that be Hela? It had to be but this friendly persona did not match what Thor was expecting. Were the people mistaken? Was there someone else ruling over Hel? Either way, it would be prudent to meet her.

They waited in line, not wanting to disrupt the recently deceased from their passage into the rest of their afterlife. When finally they entered the house it was surprisingly dark. Dim torches lit the foyer and a pair of wooden double doors led to another room. They passed through into what looked like a living area with a roaring fireplace. A table was set up with tea and snacks, a pair of sofas on either side.

They could see the silhouette of someone sitting on one of the sofas, a curtain of long dark hair obscuring their face. When they spoke it was with a practiced calm and even voice that put even Thor’s nerves to ease. “You finally come. How many years has it been, mother?”

She turned her head and for a split second Thor thought that half of her face was rotted and decomposed but the next second it had returned to pale flawless skin and defined cheekbones.

“Hela.” Frigga stepped forward. “It has been a long time.”

“And you bring my little brother.” she set her eyes on Thor. “Shame he looks so much like father.”

“You are Hela?” Thor looked her up and down. She was an older woman, lithe in build but tall. She blended in with her surroundings, her dark clothes making her pale face and hands stand out in the flickering firelight.

“About as sharp as him too.” Hela rolled her eyes, setting them back on Frigga. “You don’t have the perfume of death on either one of you so I have to wonder why you are here.”

“We’ve come to see you.” Frigga sat down across from her, hands clasped tight in her lap.

“Let me guess, there is someone that died that you wish to bring back to the realm of the living?” Hela scoffed, “I will not part with the souls under my care for such trivial matters.”

“The only one we wish to liberate from this realm is you.” Frigga said.

At this Hela looked mildly surprised. “Me? Now why would you do something like that?”

“I am afraid to say it is for selfish reasons that I seek you out now.” Frigga’s voice went tight. “I wish I would have come to seek you out sooner. I’ve missed you these many centuries gone by.”

“Perhaps it was for the best you had not.” Hela looked into the fire. “I…I was so full of fury when Odin banished me. I tore this realm apart again and again for years trying to escape. I had made it into the worst possible afterlife there could be because I had the power to do so. If I could not have the nine realms I would have this one.”

“What changed?” Thor asked. “From the looks of things this place seems idyllic”

“Fury burns hot but it burns out eventually. Mine took many years to burn out but it eventually did.” Hela sighed, “I began listening to the souls around me. The souls that died not in glorious battle but of sickness and old age. They told me their stories. Every boring and mundane moment of their lives washed through me over years and years of catatonic defeat. For such little lives they were still so rich. My bloodlust and need for glorious conquest grew smaller by the day as these little moments that these ordinary people cherished were related to me over and over and over again.

“I found new purpose. I made a home for those that came to me with their stories so that they may have a peaceful afterlife. I have no desire for conquest anymore.” A ghost of a smile graced her features. “I have no desire to leave my realm.”

“But--” Thor was about to interject but Frigga halted him.

“I am glad you have found peace, my daughter.” Frigga said. “I feared that you had been anguishing all these years. Seeing you now, seeing the world you have built for your people, I am proud. And I know you do not need my approval, nor may you not wish for it, but it is yours nonetheless.”

“Thank you, mother.” Hela leaned back in her chair. “Now, it would be rude for you to have traveled all this way and to not at least relay the request you had of me. So what is it? Why am I blessed with this family reunion?”

“You are needed to kill Odin.” Frigga said.

Hela froze and the fury that lit her eyes made Thor flinch. The bloodthirsty vengeful goddess he had expected to find flickering into existence as a deep loathing sprung to life in her eyes. “Oh?”

“Yes.” Thor spoke up this time. “We recently uncovered a prophecy that Odin received many years ago. It was the reason he banished you here in the first place. He feared you because you are destined to kill him and it is because of that destiny that we seek your out now to fulfill it.”

“So that is why.” Hela scoffed. “I always thought it quite abrupt when he cast me out. He was every bit as hungry for power as I. But this makes all too much sense.”

“Yes.” Frigga said. “Had I known the prophecy I would have sought you out sooner. Be that as it may, your destiny will come one day. Whether you choose to come meet it with us or to wait for it to come to you is your own choice. I do not expect you to abandon all that you have built here--”

“Mother.” Hela said. “I have no desire for conquest but I will revel in killing Odin. And if I die killing that old oaf it will have been worth it. What I desire though is to live and enjoy my own life so I may one day die peacefully and return to my home here.”

“So will you come with us?” Thor asked, hope in his heart.

Hela smiled, sharp and cruel. “But of course, little brother. It is my destiny after all.”

“That is fantastic news!” Thor had not expected this to go so well. “The only question then is how to get out of here.”

“That is easily done.” Hela said. “Opening a pathway between this world and another is one of the powers given to me as goddess of death. It was locked behind Odin’s banishment for a long time though.”

“Wait, if you’ve been able to do that this whole time then why did you never leave?”

Hela shrugged. “I liked my quiet life here and I knew that if I left I would have to deal with Odin. I did not wish to see him or leave this place so I never did. I never had a reason. Now I do. Before we leave though I must make an announcement to my people that I will be departing. They will be fine by themselves, this place is self-sustaining now. But they deserve to know where I will be for the foreseeable future.”

“Do what you must.” Frigga stood as well. “But first, there is something I must do before you see them.”

Hela looked at her confused before Frigga enveloped her in a large hug. “I’ve missed you so much, my darling girl. And I am so sorry I didn’t come for you sooner.”

Hela was still for a moment before her stony demeanor cracked and she relaxed in her mother’s embrace. She did not return the hug, but gave her a gentle pat on the back. “I have missed you too, mother.”

They separated and Hela handed Frigga something to wipe her eyes with. Hela made quick work of letting the people know what was going on and where she was going. There were many farewells given and well wishes.

When all was said and done Hela produced a dagger from the void and stabbed it into the air, tearing a hole in existence and opening a portal. She turned to Thor with that deadly smile. “Now, shall we go kill our father?”

Notes:

I've had this idea of Hela for a while. Like she's still a snarky lady that rivals Loki's sass but she's also literally the eldest daughter and that comes through in fucking spades man!

Chapter 38: Family Reunion

Notes:

woulda had this uploaded last night but i was sleeby

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Gytha?”

“No. Alva?”

“No. What about Bryndis?”

“No.”

“This is harder than I thought.” Loki sighed. You were sitting on the couch, Loki massaging your sore back as you tried to think of baby names.

“I told you.” you matched his sigh. “How about Ylva?”

“No. It should be something fitting a princess because that is what she is, our little princess.” His hands moved to caress your stomach.

“If she’s anything like you then she’s going to be more terror than princess.” you chuckled.

“She’s your daughter too and I think of you as a queen so it’s only right she be a princess.” he smiled, “What do you think about the name Lagertha?”

“That doesn’t fit either. Ugh!” you flopped back into his lap. “She’s never going to have a name at this rate.”

“We have plenty of time yet before she’s due. We’ll think of something.” Loki kissed your forehead. “How about we leave the baby names alone for now?”

“Fine.” you smiled up at him. The past several days were a needed balm to your relationship. The time to simply be together without any of the worries helped bridge the gap between you once more. You were more relaxed around him and the sting from him sending you here alone faded as he promised over and over not to leave you again. Any resentment you had that wanted to keep being mad at him fizzled out. It wasn’t how you felt anymore and trying to keep it up only made you feel worse.

Loki matched your smile and kissed your lips, a quick peck turning into another before he was pulling you close, mouths moving against each other gently but deeply. His hands caressed your body, moving up your side and palming your breast. There was a slight ache but his ministrations actually helped to relieve any pain. It wasn’t until he started moving his hand lower to your waist, pulling one of your legs up to feel your inner thigh that you broke apart.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice a whisper. “Do you want to move to the bedroom?”

“No. It’s not that. We can’t have sex though.”

His brow furrowed. “Whyever not? Did one of the doctors prohibit it?”

“No.” you pulled yourself up straight again.

“Then is it because you haven’t fully forgiven me?” Loki asked. “Every time I try to initiate something with you, you shy away. Is it too soon?”

“That is not the problem either.” you sighed, burying your face in your hands. “The problem is that I’m pregnant.”

“And?”

“Do you really want to have sex with me when I’m this visibly pregnant?” you gestured to your distended belly.

“What kind of a question is that? You are gorgeous, as beautiful as you have ever been. Even more so now if I say so. Why would I not want to make love to my beautiful pregnant wife? I swear, if I could impregnate you again right now I would.” he gave you an incredulous look, cupping your face gently in his large hands. “Now, unless you do not want to, I am going to take you back to the bedroom, lay you down on the bed, and show you how much I love and adore you exactly as you are over and over again.”

“You and your pretty words,” you sighed, looping your arms around his neck. “How can I say no?”

“Say yes.”

“Yes.” you beamed.

Loki helped you up off the couch and pulled you towards the bedroom. He was taking charge, undressing you and peppering kisses across your skin as it was exposed. He laid you down on the bed which was a little less than graceful with your pregnancy belly. After stripping out of his own clothes he joined you under the covers, turning you on your side to continue kissing you and hooked your leg over his hips.

“I’ve missed this,” you murmured against his lips, “No one told me that you can get ridiculously horny when pregnant. I thought I was going crazy.”

“Sorry to have missed it.” he grinned, nipping lightly at your throat. “I promise, any time now with this baby or with our future children I shall indulge each and every one of your pregnancy cravings whenever you have need of me.”

“Loki, please,” you whimpered, body growing restless with desire.

He brought his hand to your cunt, finding you wet and ready for him. “You never need to beg anything of me, my love. It shall always be yours.”

Then came the shouting. Not the kind Loki had been hoping for.

“Loki! We’ve returned!” Thor shouted, bursting into your bedroom. “We found Hela and--oh.”

“Damn it, Thor!” Loki roared, making sure you were covered. “Knock first you idiot!”

“Sorry! So sorry!” Thor sputtered and swept back out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. “Should we leave you to finish or…”

“Yes!” you and Loki both shouted. Loki looked at you mildly surprised but grateful that you weren’t being the responsible one this time.

“Loki.” Frigga called through the door. “So sorry to interrupt but it is rather urgent that we talk as soon as possible.”

“Fuck.” Loki groaned. “Can we not have fifteen minutes? Please!”

“You had plenty of time for this before we came back and you will have your entire lives to fornicate after this is over. Now get dressed and come to the living room to meet your sister.” Frigga said in a tone that brooked no refusal.

“I’m glad they’ve returned but could they not have come back for another hour.” Loki muttered as he slumped against the mattress. “We may be able to squeeze in a quick one and then I can magic us dressed after.”

“Loki, my dear, get up and get dressed. We’ll continue this after later.” you kissed the tip of his nose.

With reluctance you got out of bed and meandered into the living room. Thor and Frigga were sitting and waiting but your eyes were drawn to the third figure in the room. A tall statuesque woman with intense eyes that made you draw closer to Loki’s side. She was as gorgeous as she was menacing.

“So this is our adopted baby brother.” the woman said, eyes raking Loki up and down. “A little short for a Jotun, isn’t he?”

“A little too lively for a goddess of death, are you not?” Loki snapped back at her.

She scoffed. “I would have hoped not having been born of Odin you wouldn’t be like him but you do sound just like the old bastard.”

“You must be Hela.” you stepped in before Loki started hurling insults. “Pleasure to meet you, I’m Loki’s wife.”

“And a beauty you are.” she stepped closer, her stoney gaze taking you in slower than she had assessed Loki. She tapped a finger under your chin, tilting your head up, “How did he win something as pretty as you?”

Your face heated. “Oh um--”

Loki smacked Hela’s hand away. “Don’t touch her.”

“So be it.” Hela stepped away.

“So, your mission to Hel was a success.” Loki sat down, pushing you into the space between him and Frigga so Hela didn’t have a chance to touch you again. “What did you promise her in exchange for killing Odin?”

“I was promised nothing. My only desire is to have my revenge and kill father dearest for casting me out.” she looked over at Thor. “As I’ve heard he’s made a habit of sending his conquest hungry children out. Although mine was far more permanent a punishment.”

“At least he only cast you two out, he tried to have me killed.” Loki scoffed.

“Regardless, we are all together again and so we must come up with a plan on how to take back Asgard.” Frigga said, “According to the communications I’ve been receiving from Heimdall, Odin has been fortifying the realm’s defenses. Especially now that he thinks Loki and I are dead he’s been growing more paranoid that his end is nearing. Getting to him will not be easy, especially when he knows we are back on Asgard.”

“It will be easy if we slaughter all the guard protecting him.” Hela said as if it was obvious. “What? Am I wrong?”

“We should try to not lethally harm anyone other than Odin. They’re still our people, the only problem is that they are being puppeteered by a king slowly going insane.” Thor said. “We also don’t know how it may affect the civilians so we should avoid any unnecessary bloodshed.”

“Fine.” Hela rolled her eyes. “You’re really stifling me here though. My power grows while on Asgard, I could level the whole realm if I wanted to.”

“But you won’t, right?” you spoke up, a little worried right now, “I mean that is still my home and it is filled with good people that don’t deserve to die.”

She gave you a sly smile. “Of course not. I do not wish for needless death either. You have nothing to worry about, pretty thing.”

Loki’s eye started twitching. Hela noticed and turned a shit-eating smirk on him. “Problem, Laufeyson?”

“Do we really need her?” Loki snapped.

“Loki,” you hissed at him. “She’s only doing it to get a rise out of you, don’t take the bait so easily.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m only doing it to get a rise out of him. You are very beautiful, would you not rather be with the heir to throne? You’d make a mighty fine queen by my side.” You weren’t entirely sure if she was joking or not.

You decided to respond as if she was so not to make Loki worry any more that his sister was trying to steal you away from him. “As tempting as that is I think I will stick with the man I married and whose child I carry. Thank you for your interest though.”

“Well, who knows, if he dies during this mission you wouldn’t want to raise the child alone and I’ve gotten rather good with kids over the years--”

“Can we go back to figuring out how to kill Odin.” Loki practically shouted over the conversation, cutting Hela off with a glare.

With a final wink to you they moved the conversation back to strategizing on how to infiltrate Asgard and take out Odin. Actually killing Odin would not be difficult according to Hela. She was not joking when she said her powers were drawn from Asgard and would only get stronger the longer she was there. She was the goddess of death for a reason and Odin would not make it out of a confrontation with her alive which is why he banished her when she was still young.

Loki would use his mastery of illusion to hide their presence from the guard so they can get to the palace without any fighting breaking out. It’d be hard to hide the massive energy presence that Frigga and Hela gave off, as well as his own from someone like Odin. He could only hope that Thor’s presence next to them would help hinder any suspicions he may. Then once inside the palace they would drop the disguises and use the shock of Frigga’s presence to quell any fighting that may break out before it happens and hopefully get the guard on their side. Then it was a simple matter of finding Odin and letting Hela do what she was always meant to do.

“And let me guess, I have to stay here?” you sighed. You were no warrior. Especially not with an eight month pregnancy belly.

“Actually,” Frigga said, “You could come with us if you really desired to. You’d have to stay in the observatory with Heimdall while we moved on the palace but it should be safe for you.”

“And if anything goes wrong he can send me far away.” you finished for her.

Frigga nodded. “That too.”

What was safest would be to remain on Midgard and wait for them to return but you couldn’t stomach the idea of waiting here for them. What if their mission failed? You’d be left here all alone again, waiting for something that would never happen. At least if you were on Asgard and everything went wrong you’d know for sure and could move on after being sent away again.

“That sounds fair enough to me.” you said. “Even if things go wrong it would be nice to see my homeland once more.”

“It is settled then.” Frigga clapped her hands together. “We’ll take the day to rest and recuperate, review the plan tomorrow in case there’s anything we think of between then and now, then it is back to Asgard. I will let Heimdall know and get an update.”

Frigga got up to go commune with Heimdall leaving you alone with the siblings. You drummed your fingers on your knees casting a look between the three of them. It was strange to say that besides Hela and Thor having the same parents it was Hela and Loki who looked alike.

“So…would anyone like tea?” you asked, trying to break the tension in the room. “I’ll go put on a pot.”

“I’ll do it, darling. No need to strain yourself.” He deliberately ran a hand along your stomach.

“Wonderful. Will give me and your charming wife a chance to talk.” Hela smirked. Loki shot her a dirty look.

“I’ll go make the tea.” Thor said, pushing past everyone towards the kitchen. “Hela and I had plenty of time to talk on our way back to Midgard, you two can catch up. Tell her how you two met, I bet she’d get a kick out of it.”

Thor made tea while you recounted the tale of how you and Loki had met and how you wound up married, then all the trials and tribulations you had to go through and were stilling going through just trying to live a normal life. Hela listened with quiet interest, not interrupting you but nodding along with sincerity that suggested she had done this quite often. You asked her about the Asgard she had grown up in. She recounted a rather happy childhood before she realized that Odin was raising her as a weapon of war.

“He had actually given me a wolf pup as a reward once. I thought it was a well meaning present but he had me train him and he grew into my steed when we rode into battle.” Hela said, a wistful smile on her face. “My precious Fenris.”

Your mind flashed back to a memory you had seen when traversing the forest looking for Frigga. A child with raven hair and black dog. “It was you I had seen.” you said, breathless with wonder, “The child in the vision. I thought it had been Loki.”

“What’s this about a vision?” Hela asked.

“I had a vision when walking through the woods of a child playing with a black wolf pup. I had thought that it was Loki but it was you. The forest was trying to tell me about you.” Would have been nice to have some clearer indication on that. It served you very little now.

“Interesting. It seems as if fate itself is trying to bring us together.” Hela leaned forward, almost as if she was waiting to pounce on you. You knew by now she was just doing this to annoy Loki and despite your assurances to Loki he kept taking the bait.

“I don’t think we’re needed here any more.” Loki stood up, pulling you up with him. “Besides, we have something to finish in the bedroom. Come along, my darling wife.”

You rolled your eyes but let Loki lead you back to the bedroom. He had a moment of hesitation before casting the silencing charm on the room. No doubt he had been thinking about doing without it just to make Hela listen and show her that you were well and truly spoken for, as if the baby in your belly wasn’t indicator enough.

Loki made love to you through the evening until you had to get up to have dinner. Then he brought you back to bed after dinner and continued rocking with you, erasing any doubt in your mind that he didn’t desire you just like this.

You also knew what it was doubling as. In case things went wrong when you returned to Asgard, in case Odin wasn’t defeated or if Loki was lost, you had this final night together where it felt like nothing could hurt you.

In the morning breakfast was solemn and serious as you discussed the plan for killing Odin one more time. Some wrinkles were ironed out and accounted for but there was nothing else to do now but return to Asgard.

“Are you sure you wish to go?” Loki asked one final time.

You wrapped his arm around you. “I’m sure. Whatever we face we do it together.”

Thor called for the Bifrost and Loki kept you hugged tight to his chest as a brilliant ray of light engulfed you and pulled you off the ground, through the cosmos, back to Asgard.

---

Loki had to keep his eyes shut tight when Thor called for the Bifrost to take them back to Asgard. There was once a time where he enjoyed riding through the Bifrost, watching the rainbow of light and the sights of the stars zip past him as he was taken home. Now the sound of it, the light, made him want to turn into a beetle and hide under a rock. So he kept a tight hold on you and your daughter until you were spit back out in the golden observatory on Asgard.

Once they were on steady ground Loki turned to you. “Are you alright? Nothing wrong with the baby?”

“I’m fine, Loki. Baby is fine too.” you assured him.

“Your Majesty,” Heimdall bowed his head to Frigga, “Odin will have been alerted to my use of the Bifrost.”

“Yes, we need to move quickly.” Frigga turned to everyone else. “Loki, the illusions. Thor, lead on. Hela, how are you feeling?”

“Powerful.” she grinned wickedly. “Let’s go kill father dearest.”

“Heimdall,” Loki looked towards the Gatekeeper. “You keep them safe.”

“On my honor, no one shall harm the lady or the child.” Heimdall nodded to you. “You are in safe hands, my lady.”

“Thank you.” you pulled on Loki’s arm. “Be safe, don’t do anything stupid.”

“It takes a lot to get rid of me.” he pressed a hand to your stomach, felt a tiny kick against his palm. “Papa will be right back, my darling girl.” He gave you one final kiss. “I love you. I love you both so much.”

“We love you.” you took a deep breath and let go of him. “Now go make a safe world for our daughter to live in.”

They left under the blanket of Loki’s illusions, bolstered by Frigga’s own magic to help conceal everyone from detection as they followed Thor towards the palace. Everything was going smoothly which only put Loki more on edge. It felt like it shouldn’t have been this easy. Something had to go wrong, it was just the way Loki’s life worked.

Once safely inside the palace they let the illusion drop. The guards that were nearby startled as suddenly the dead queen and ex-prince appeared in place of the guards that had been there a moment before. Yet, as stunning as that was their eyes were drawn to Hela.

“Stand down.” Frigga commanded to the guard. “This is no longer your battle.”

“Your Majesty, but you--you were--we saw your body!” one of the guards sputtered.

“A trick to escape my husband’s thumb.” Frigga held her head high. “Your king has grown mad, betrayed me, his children, and Asgard. You have seen it, the way he manically adds more defenses to our home, not to protect you but to protect himself for he knows his end is near. This world was built on blood and siege and has been maintained through fear and lies. I will stand by no longer and let it continue. Odin falls today. Spread this message to the troops, let them know you fight for Asgard, not for Odin.”

Loki always thought his mother a powerful and intimidating woman, but watching her command a room such as that, the respect she wielded with just words, proved that she was the most terrifying person in this realm. The guards snapped to attention, bowing stiffly and awaiting further orders. Thor instructed them on what to do, making sure they were ready to defend the people in case things with Odin went sideways.

The four of them then continued on to the throne room but it was Hela that was leading the way now. She slicked back her hair and in place a crown of jet black antlers sharpened to a deadly point sprouted from her head. Well, if they were about to kill Odin might as well look the part. Loki summoned his own battle horns.

Thor glanced over at them and cleared his throat. “Uh Loki, could you…”

Loki sighed but produced Thor’s winged helmet. “Make sure you have it next time, I’m not going to manifest it for you every time you forget it.”

“Last time, I promise.” Thor slipped the helmet on.

“That’s what you said the last time.” Loki muttered under his breath.

“Does he not have magic like us?” Hela asked.

“He has to summon a bolt of lightning to do it, it’s less ostentatious if I just give it to him.” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Did you learn nothing from, mother?” Hela arched an eyebrow at Thor.

“Why is this suddenly about me?”

“Children, stop fighting.” Frigga snapped at them.

“But they’re the ones--”

“Focus. All of you.” Frigga gave them a warning glare.

“Fine.”

They burst into the throne room where Odin was sitting on his throne holding court. The people inside gawked and stared at the arrival of the royal family. For good reason considering that the majority of them were presumed dead.

“What is this!” Odin shouted from his throne. “You have--” his words cut off as his one good eye really took in who was standing before him and his already weathered face paled further. “It cannot be.”

“Missed me, father?” Hela smiled. “It’s been how many thousands of years since we last spoke? Time has not been kind to you, Allfather. You are old and weak.”

“I banished you once, witch!” he snarled, rising to his feet, “You will not leave this chamber alive.”

“You are mistaken, the only one that shall be dying here today is you. It is my destiny after all, but you already knew that.” She stared at the ceiling. “You may have tried to forget me but not even you can erase history.”

Three great daggers were hurled into the ceiling, sending painted rock hurtling to the ground. The images of garden parties and peace treaties lay in shambles to show the truth of Asgard’s creation. War and fire and blood. Conquest and ruin. Hela atop a giant black wolf and Odin upon his steed destroying all of those that stood in their path.

“I am Hela Odindottir!” Hela shouted to the amassed people. “First born of the Allfather and Allmother, rightful heir to the throne, and the Goddess of Death. I was raised to be a queen, a general, a weapon, to make Asgard into the utopia you all enjoy today. Yet I know none of you knew my name before now.

“My destiny has always been to be Odin’s end and today I fulfill that role. Say goodbye to your coward king."

"Guards!" Odin shouted but only a few stepped forward at his urging.

"Stand down!" Frigga called over him. "None of your blood need be spilled this day."

"Frigga..." Odin stared at her hurt and shock written on his face. "How? Why?"

"You hurt my children. That is all the reason I need." And with that she hurtled a blast of magic at him.

All at once the throne room exploded into chaos. Guards helped usher civilians out while the four of them fought Odin. Loki could hardly keep anything straight, so focused on avoiding Odin’s attacks and staying out of the way of the others.

Hela was terrifying to behold in battle. The very earth of Asgard bent to her will as easily as folding a piece of paper. An aura of death and destruction and pure unfiltered loathing radiated from her. Loki worried for a moment what would become of them if Hela decided to turn her endless rage back on the rest of the universe. That was something to worry about after Odin was dead though. He could only hope she was sincere in her desire not to harm humanity anymore.

It was chaos and destruction and the pulse of magic hot in the air. Loki was creating duplicates of himself and the others to throw off Odin. Frigga was deflecting hits from Odin and Thor was keeping him distracted with Mjolnir. All the while Hela was trying to get in a killing blow. For someone so old Odin was proving very hard to kill.

Then, everything stilled. Odin was pinned in place, having leapt out of the way of a surge of rocky earth jutting from the ground and not seeing the dagger that came at him from his blind side. The inky black dagger dug through the side of his neck. His head turned, ripping the skin further as he stared at a panting and wild eyed Hela.

He dropped to the ground, a shaking hand reaching for the dagger. Hela was there first, leaning close she whispered something to him that Loki could not hear and tore the dagger back out, slicing through his jugular and leaving him nearly decapitated. She slicked the blood off her blade and kicked his body over so it fell in a heap on the destroyed floor.

And just like that, it was over. The crown of antlers around her head dissolved. "That was well worth the wait." She said.

"Now what?" Thor asked.

"We tell the people." Frigga said.

Loki rolled his shoulders. It was eerie just how quiet the throne room was now that the fighting was over.

He went to Odin’s corpse and stabbed a dagger into his other eye, plucking it from his head and crushing it in his hand. "That is for stealing me from Jotunheim," he opened his mouth and cut out his tongue, "and that is for threatening my wife. Go into the afterlife blind and dumb."

Thor watched with a certain discomfort. Loki could not blame him for his conflicting feelings but he could find no pity to offer. This man had stolen him, ignored him throughout his childhood, and finally tried to have him killed when he had no more worth. His only regret was that he did not deliver the killing blow.

"I'm going to go check on my wife." Loki said, tossing Odin’s tongue on the ground.

He reached the rainbow bridge and saw you waddling your way down, the light of the morning reflecting off the bridge and painting you in a kaleidoscope of colors. He ran to you, collecting you in his arms and lifting you off your feet. It was over. Asgard at least would be safe for you and your child to live. Whatever dangers still loomed would come when they may but as of that moment all that mattered was that you were safe and you were together.

“Let’s go home.” he whispered to you, and escorted you back into the city.

Notes:

I thought to myself, what is a sure fire way for Hela to annoy Loki and I landed on: she flirts with his wife. And it was better than I imagined!

Chapter 39: Safe Harbor

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It felt like a long time waiting on that bridge. Heimdall was using his powers to keep an eye on the fight and letting you know what was happening as it happened. It was the biggest relief when he announced that Odin was dead and that Loki was on his way back to collect you.

You now walked through the city. Loki said that with Odin gone the two of you could move into the palace and was where he was taking you now. But you had your own plans first and tugged him towards your old neighborhood. Everything was the same as it had been when you left. You got more than one shocked looks when you walked by with Loki. It was only when the shock started morphing into sneers that you remembered that Odin had spread misinformation about Loki killing Frigga to the people. But it was also said that Loki had been killed in the battle against the Dark Elves so there was a lot to reconcile.

You didn’t want to stay there too long, lest some brave and stupid soul tried to start something. But you had an important stop to make.

You wove through the streets until you got to a familiar door. You took a deep breath and knocked. After a minute someone answered, her hair falling out of the bun she had haphazardly threw it into and a pair of socks in need of darning in her hands. “I’m not taking any late laundry--” her words halted as she realized who was at the door.

“Hey Meya,” you said, “I know you’re busy and I know I disappeared abruptly and for a long time but I’m back and if you don’t want to see me I understand. But--”

She wrapped you in a hug. “I thought you died!” she sobbed into your neck. “There was all that news about the queen dying and then Loki being killed and then you disappeared so I thought for sure you had died as well. I’m so glad you’re safe!”

Tears welled up in your eyes. “You were really that worried about me?”

“Yes! How many times do I have to tell you that we’re friends before you believe me!” she shook her head, “I’ve been mourning for months because I thought my best friend burned to death in her house!”

“My house burned down!”

“Not what’s important right now.” Meya pulled back, “What happened? Where were you? Why is Loki actually alive? And by the gods are you actually pregnant?” she gestured to your swollen belly.

“Maybe we should discuss this inside?” Loki piped in. “We’ve been getting rather nasty looks the entire walk over here and I’d rather not get caught up in an angry mob.”

“Right, yes, come in.” Meya stepped aside to let you in. Her house was a bit bigger than yours, had a proper living space separate from the kitchen and bedroom. When you first ended up on the streets after being cast out by your ex-husband you spent many nights sleeping in this very room.

You sat down and explained to Meya what was going on with Loki and Odin and Frigga, the plan you had to leave so Odin didn’t hurt you or Loki again, Frigga and Loki’s fake deaths, the months you spent on Midgard without your memory before finally returning. Loki took over from there explaining how Thor and Frigga went to release Hela to fulfill the prophecy and how he had just come back to collect you after killing Odin.

Meya listened, interrupting every now and again to ask a question or take the time to process all the information you were throwing at her. When all was said and done she sat back and let out a long sigh. “Your life certainly isn’t boring, I will say that much.”

She stared daggers at Loki. “I know she may have forgiven you but I’m going to stay mad at you on her behalf for abandoning her like that. I mean, she was pregnant! You just left your pregnant wife alone on an alien planet! Who does that?”

“Meya--”

“And now the both of you roll up to tell me that there is a goddess of death who is the real heir to the throne, the queen isn’t actually dead, you killed the king, and now what? You’re just going to go back to your lives like nothing happened?” Meya’s voice gradually grew louder with every word until she was shouting.

“No, nothing can go back to the way it was before but I hardly find that a bad thing.” Loki rested a hand on your stomach. “Now that my mother has returned to power and the truth of what Odin did will be revealed I’ll be permitted to return to the palace with my wife at my side.”

“From noble to laundress to princess,” Meya snorted, “How fortunate you are. I’ll miss having you around the neighborhood but I suppose I’ve been managing for months already.”

“I know it cannot make up for making you worry about me but since we’re going to be living in the palace again there’s a way for me to repay you for all the kindness you showed me when no one else did.” You weren’t sure exactly what you had access to now. The fact that you were going to technically be a princess when Loki’s royal status was reinstated was something you were still wrapping your head around. You’d love to pay her a compensation but would it be enough for everything she’s done?

“A wonderful idea.” Loki smiled. “Meya, how would you like to live in the palace as well?”

The cup Meya was holding fell out of her hands. “What?”

“It cannot be overstated just how much you helped my wife and myself when we were at our lowest. Despite how harshly the rest of the realm treated us you were always kind. If you would like I can offer you a position of lady’s companion. You will have your own room at the palace and a steady generous income, your only duty will to continue to provide company and friendship to my wife.”

“Is that an actual position or are you just making that up?” Meya asked.

“It’s very real. It is like a lady’s maid but without the chores.” You said. “It’s a highly coveted position in the royal household, usually only given to high ranking nobility.”

“And you’d just give me that position? Just like that?”

“Yes. It’d get you out of here, you wouldn’t have to do all this back breaking work to get by. You’d be getting paid just to spend time together.” Loki nodded. “What do you say?”

“I’d say I’d have to be an idiot to turn down such a generous offer.” Meya beamed. “When would I start?”

“You’ll have to wait until we can settle things at the palace. Odin’s body isn’t even cold yet so it may be a week or so but you should be able to move into the palace by the end of the month.”

“Thank you. This is too generous.”

“It barely begins to repay everything you’ve done for me over the years.” you took your friend’s hands. “I would have died on the streets if not for you.”

After some more time talking with Meya you said your farewells and promised to send word as soon as you were able about when she could come to the palace. The couple of hours you were with your friend it seemed that word of what happened to Odin and Frigga’s rise from the grave had spread. No one was glaring at you as you passed any more.

Loki wanted to go back to the palace but you had one more stop to make.

You followed the familiar streets to your house…or where your house used to be. Like Meya had said, there was nothing left. The burned husk and ashes that must have once stood in the tiny house you called home for years had been cleared away, leaving nothing but a square box of stones that showed that something used to be here.

You weren’t heartbroken nor happy about the house being gone. There was just a feeling of bittersweet hollowness in your chest. It wasn’t a good house but it had been yours. You built a life for yourself in that house, fell in love with Loki in that house. Now it was gone.

“Is it wrong to say I’m going to miss that shack?” Loki said, taking hold of your hand. “We had some good times in there.”

“It’s just a house, just as a planet is just a rock. It is the people in it that make it a home, and my home is right here.” you squeezed his hand. “Now, we can leave. This was all I wanted to see.”

With that you turned away towards the future.

---

With everything that had happened with Odin’s death, Hela’s return, the fallout of Loki and Frigga’s fake deaths, as well as everything else left the realm in a hectic place. It took a couple weeks to get any sense of normalcy back. You could hardly call any of what you were going through now normal though. Right now everything was precarious and everyone was trying their best not to rock the boat more than it had been. It was honestly a miracle you hadn’t capsized yes with all the changes you had thrown at Asgard since returning.

Frigga had gone to immediately correct everything that Odin had done and made sure everyone knew on what exactly Asgard was built on. Hela was introduced to the people as the real first born of Odin and Frigga and heir to the throne. She was acclimating to being back on Asgard pretty well all things considered.

Then there was Loki. The truth about Loki’s torture at the hands of Thanos and the mind control he had been put under was revealed. There was talk about also revealing his true lineage as a Jotun but with everything going on they decided to leave it for another time. The people may have forgiven him for trying to invade Midgard but he wasn’t ready for the backlash that was sure to come when everyone learned he was a Frost Giant too. Perhaps one day things would be better but for now he was protecting himself and you from being driven out of Asgard again. He definitely didn’t want anyone threatening your daughter for being half Jotun either.

As for you, you were living in the palace now, having taken up residence in Loki’s old rooms. Your first night there had been strange with the large bed and the opulent decor. It had been so long since you lived in any such luxury it was jarring being thrust back into it. Loki though, settled back in as if he had never left. He had no problem doing anything and everything to make you more comfortable, despite how the attention made you a little uncomfortable. Suddenly extravagant piping hot meals were being delivered to your room, new clothes were being commissioned, there were servants asking if you needed assistance with anything almost anywhere you went. People were addressing you as “Princess” and “Your Highness” now. Nobles that had cast you aside and sneered at you when Audor divorced you were now clamoring for your attention.

It was uncomfortable to say the least. Meya was the only person not sucking up to you anymore and it felt great to have her to lean on and provide some humility when all the attention got to be too much. And with all the free time she had now she had been making use of her sewing skills to make you plenty of baby clothes for your still nameless daughter.

“What about naming her Meya?” Meya teased as you were having tea one morning.

“You want me to name my baby after you?”

“And why not? Meya is a great name. Little princess Meya. Has a nice ring, don’t you think?”

“Wouldn’t that get confusing having two Meyas running around?”

“Fine fine. It can be her middle name.”

You laughed. “Sure. You have my word, Meya will be her middle name.” you drummed your fingers on your stomach. “I just wish she’d come out already. It’s been a two weeks since her due date and she’s still in there!”

“You made a very comfy home.” Meya poked your belly. “But seriously, you need to come out of there right now. How am I supposed to spoil my niece if she’s stuck inside her mother!”

And just like that, as if fate was waiting for a punchline, you felt a sharp contraction. You froze, body seizing as the contraction came in with a ferocity and suddenly ended.

Meya was staring at you wide-eyed. “What just happened?”

“I think I just had a contraction.” you breathed out. “The baby is coming.”

“About damn time!” Meya shot to her feet. “Thank you little princess for listening to your auntie! I’m going to go get the healers!”

“Good idea.” you sighed, leaning back against the couch. It was really finally happening. Your baby girl was going to come into the world today.

It didn’t take long before the room was flooded with people. There were healers, midwives, Frigga, Meya, Thor, Hela, and of course Loki was by your side as you waited for the contractions to get closer together. You actually had to tell most of them to go wait in the other room since you didn’t want them watching you writhe around in pain for hours. You were happy to have such a supportive family but it was just too many people watching you. In the end it was you, Loki, Frigga, and one of the midwives in the room with you. The other midwives and healers waited outside with the others in case anything went wrong.

Hours passed before you were finally ready to deliver. It hurt like nothing you felt before but when the sound of crying filled the air, it melted away. They wiped her off and cut the cord before settling the squealing little babe in your arms. She quieted upon being placed on your chest. The pain and the emotion of the past several hours came crashing down around you as you wept.

“Hello baby,” you wept, pressing a kiss to her head, “You’re so beautiful.”

“She’s amazing.” Loki was by your side, crying as well. “She’s so tiny.”

“Congratulations you two.” Frigga said, wiping some sweat from your brow. “She’s perfect.”

Frigga and the midwife left to give you a moment of privacy with your newborn and to tell everyone waiting that the baby had finally been born. You leaned against Loki, holding your daughter out to him so he could hold her. He cradled her as if she was made of glass, smoothing a finger along her chubby little baby cheek.

“I can’t believe she’s real.” you said. “For so many years I thought I would never have the chance to have this. But she’s here, she’s real, and she’s ours.”

Loki nodded, swallowing back a big emotion. “Even before--” his voice caught, “Even before everything happened, before I knew what I was and before I went through all that I did, I didn’t think this was in the cards for me. I wanted it. I wanted to be a father but I didn’t believe I’d ever meet someone I’d want to build a family with. Then you came running into my life. I owe you everything. Not just for saving me from execution but for saving me in every other way.”

He pressed his forehead to yours, “I found purpose again because of you. I wanted to live again because of you. I am no longer outcast from my family because of you. And I was able to fall in love and build a family because of you. So when I say I owe you everything, I mean it.”

You pressed a kiss to his lips. “Then I suppose I have to say that the same is true of you. I was merely surviving before I met you, Loki. I thought that my life had turned into nothing but one cosmic joke, a loveless marriage, a fall from grace, scraping by in poverty for years. Then I took a stupid chance that could have had me executed alongside you and look what it got me instead. I finally fell in love, I let go of the past that haunted me, and I have a family. Not just you and our daughter but Frigga and Meya and Thor and even Hela’s been growing on me as a sister-in-law. I owe that all to you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I love you.” he kissed you again, “I love you so much, my darling.”

“I love you too.” you gazed down at your sweetly sleeping baby, “You realize we still need to name her.”

“Right…” Loki sighed. “Any ideas?”

Gazing down at your sleeping babe a name did come to mind and you smiled. “Asa.”

“Asa?” Loki raised a brow. “Why Asa?”

“It was the name of my nanny. The woman who was more of a mother to me than my actual mother ever was. She only ever wanted the best for me, she raised me to be kind and I know that she would love our child as if she was her own granddaughter.” you gazed down at your baby. “Asa Meya Lokidottir. How does that sound?”

“Meya?” Loki asked.

“I promised Meya literally earlier today it’d be her middle name.” you shrugged. “But you didn’t answer me. Asa?”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to your daughter’s head. “Princess Asa. It’s perfect.”

After you had your time alone you let the others in to see the baby and coo delight over her. You announced her name to everyone and Meya cried a bit when you said you were serious about giving her the middle name Meya.

As evening turned into night everyone retired back to their own rooms, leaving you and Loki alone with your newborn. It had been a long labor so you were happy to go to bed. Loki promised that if Asa woke up in the night he’d take care of her, he didn’t want you straining yourself or worrying about her. He just wanted you to rest and so you did.

You were deep into your slumber when the first deafening boom shook the palace.

You jolted awake, panicked and disoriented gaze flicking around the dark of the room. “What--”

BOOM!

Another echoing crashing sound echoed over the air. Asa awoke and started crying. You collected her in your arms as Loki swung out of bed, armor materializing around him in an instant. He thrust open the curtains and froze.

“No…” he whispered. “No no no…”

“Loki? What’s happening? What’s going on?” you shuffled to the edge of the bed.

“He’s here.” his voice was small, trembling with fear, “He’s come for me.”

You peeked past him out the window. In the star filled skies above Asgard was a ginormous ship inching its way to the surface of the planet. You didn’t even need to ask who it was. You only knew one being in this universe that would scare your husband this badly. Thanos had come for Asgard.

Notes:

oh yeah there was that one little loose end

edit: if you're looking for the next chapter I swear it will be up today but it is also the first week of uni again and shit got away from me. I will return in the afternoon with the penultimate chapter! Promise! I go to bed now

Chapter 40: Reckoning

Notes:

Almost at the end! I can't believe it's actually almost over! This happens every freaking year and every year when I finish a fic I am flabbergasted that it is happening! You just get so attached and it becomes a part of your routine and now you gotta prepare to say goodbye. Ah!

Well, here's to one more week with this story! I love you all! Thank you for reading! Thank you for commenting and leaving kudos! Happy reading!

Chapter Text

“Loki!” you pulled on his arm. “Loki! Please, my love, I need you to come back to me. Snap out of it!”

Loki blinked, the curtains twisting in his hands. He turned to you, wide terrified eyes. “I--I--I can’t--”

“You have to.” you squeezed him. “Please, Loki, we have to do something.”

He was shaking, sweat pooling on his brow. Not even after waking from a nightmare had he looked this horrible. It wasn’t even like he was in the room with you. He was stuck, unmoving from his spot at the window.

“Loki--” your pleas were cut off by Asa wailing again. “Hush, shush now sweetie, it’s going to be alright.”

It was as if Asa’s cries finally snapped him back to reality. He was still scared, you could see that, but he could move. “We need to go.” he said. “That ship carries his entire army. The planet will need evacuated for everyone’s safety.”

Alarms were already going off all over the city. Outside of your room the palace was in chaos as servants fled and warriors flooded for the front line. You were still recovering from having given birth and couldn’t move quickly so Loki picked you up in his arms and started running. You ran into Thor first who was coming down the opposite side of the corridor.

“Loki, the realm is under attack--”

“I’m aware. It’s Thanos.” Loki looked like he wanted to puke just saying the name. “We need to evacuate the planet. Go to the alarms and send out the signal for the Ragnarok contingency. The people cannot simply bunk down, they need to flee.”

“The Ragnarok contingency? Surely we can just send everyone to ship for safety, we don’t need to flee--”

“Thor, listen to me,” Loki snapped, the most serious you had ever seen him, “This is one enemy you do not want to take chances with. Trust me. He knows no mercy and so must you. If you have the chance to behead the fucker then you have to take it, there is no imprisoning him. Just kill him if at all possible. Do you understand?”

Thor straightened. “I understand.” he looked at you and Asa. “You’re taking them to the ship?”

“Yes.”

“Will you be back to fight?” Thor asked.

Loki tensed, the question hanging in the air. You touched your husband’s face. “You don’t need to if you can’t face this threat. There’s no shame in staying with us.”

He swallowed, eyes squeezed tight. “No. These are my people too. If I can help…I have to. But I am getting you both to safety first, that is my only concern right now.”

You nodded. Thor and Loki took off in opposite directions. Soon the alarms changed from the signal to defend and instead to one for everyone to flee. After that you were moving in a mad dash with the crowd towards some chamber that you knew was supposed to be a safe haven when Ragnarok occurred. You thought it was just a room but according to Loki and Thor it was actually a giant ship, capable of housing the entire population inside for an escape.

Outside the pandemonium was even worse. If you fell behind you could easily get trampled in the crowd. Loki was keeping you tucked tight against his chest as he unceremoniously shoved through people to get you closer to the ship.

Another thunderous boom shook the ground and in the blink of an eye the ground began to split apart. People jumped out of the way to safety but not all were so lucky and fell into the widening crevice.

“Damn it.” Loki hissed, watching as the fissure kept growing.

Behind you the ship was hovering even closer. You could see the efforts of the army fighting off droves of people. At the forefront was Hela who was probably the only reason the courtyard hadn’t been overtaken by enemies yet. You doubted that as strong as she may be that even she couldn’t take on an army of this size by herself.

Loki dashed off to the side where there were fewer people and set you down near one of the guards helping escort people to the ship.

“Loki, what are you doing?” you clung onto him.

“I need to help them.” he said, “They need everyone they can get up there and I know if I get to the ship I won’t be able to turn around and get back off.” He stared down at the baby in your arms and gave her downy head a kiss.

His gaze shot to the guard. “Your priority now is getting these two to the ship by any means necessary, do you understand me?”

“Yes, sire.” the guard said.

Loki grabbed you and gave you a deep kiss. “Be careful, stay safe. I’ll find you once this is over. I promise.”

“I love you.” you whispered against his lips. “Come back to us.”

“I love you too. Both of you.” he took one final look at you and Asa before turning and sprinting back towards the fight.

The guard helped shoulder you towards the ship since walking was still hard. Why did this have to happen only a few hours after shoving an entire person out of your vagina? How was that fair?

You were slipping through with the crowd when your escort suddenly hit the ground. You wavered, unbalanced without the direct support and sunk to your knees. There were no people rushing past you though, everyone had begun fleeing in the other direction as someone you had never seen before, walked up to you. They were definitely not of Asgard if the bright orange tint to their skin and the glowing tattoos covering the shaved half of their head were anything to go by.

There was some kind of power swirling around them that got brighter as they neared you. “I was looking for that Jotun traitor and I find something perhaps more precious.”

Their three fingered hand reached towards you, as if to help you off the ground. The power glowed even brighter as it hovered over you, particularly when they reached for Asa. You tucked her closer to your chest, keeping her away from this monster that cornered you. “The traitor’s spawn no doubt, his genetic signature radiates from that babe.”

They were tracking Loki’s genetics?

“Excellent, this will make everything much easier.” Their power pulled you off the ground and dragged you and your wailing baby away from freedom.

---

Everything was insanity. One moment Loki was asleep in bed with you and his newborn daughter as happy as could be. The next he was fighting every instinct to flee from the threat that had been haunting him for years. All he had wanted to do was grab you and Asa and run to the nearest ship, leave as fast as possible and pray that Thanos never found him again. But Loki had family to protect other than you and the baby. So though it pained him to leave you alone, he sent you off for safety and went to face his demons alongside his siblings.

Loki had thought that he had seen the might of Hela before when she killed Odin but watching her take on Thanos’ army was entirely apart. She was singlehandedly holding back the droves of the army and sending shots up at the ship. Frigga was at the outskirts using her power to help protect fleeing citizens. Thor was catching stragglers that slipped through Hela, usually bigger enemies that managed to break through her attacks either by force or sheer dumb luck. Then there was Asgard’s army, fighting for their lives and the lives of the citizens against Thanos himself who mowed them down as easily as a battle figurines.

For a moment upon seeing the source of his nightmares Loki froze. The crowd and chaos rushed around him as he stood there, months of torture and agony slamming into his chest and stopping his heart.

He couldn’t--he couldn’t do it. He needed to go. He needed to run!

His step faltered backwards, fully intent on turning tail and finding you again. But it was the thought of you that stopped him in his tracks. He needed to face this. He needed to make sure the world was safe for you and your baby.

“Do it for them. Do it for them. Do it for them.” he muttered over and over as he charged forward, sending waves of his magic out to propel back enemies.

For a few blessed minutes Loki just let instinct take over. Before his world had been turned upside down he had been a warrior, raised to help defend Asgard since he was a boy. He knew how to fight and he knew how to do it well. It was all muscle memory and the burn of magic in his body as he ran forward.

Loki wasn’t aware of how far he had gotten cutting down enemies until he felt himself hit a pile of dead bodies on the ground. Asgardian soldiers. And towering above Loki, a few yards away in the center of a ring of corpses was Thanos.

He locked eyes with Loki and had the nerve to smile at him. “There’s the traitor now.” he said, his voice like a molten blade through Loki’s brain. “I expected you to run away again.”

Loki said nothing. He wasn’t sure he was even able to talk in the face of this monster before him. “This is better though.” Thanos hefted a blade the size of a boar oar in his hands. “I can kill you myself. That is unless you’d like to stop this useless slaughter and hand over the tesseract you failed to deliver once already. I may even let you live.”

“And what? I live until you wipe out half of all life in the universe?” Loki snapped. He wasn’t sure if the rage was overtaking his fear or if the fear was what was making him talk now. “I’d rather end it here and now, at least then I’ll know that I died trying to rid the universe of you.”

“Well then,” Thanos aimed his blade, “Let us--”

He stopped, his gaze going to something behind Loki and a malevolent grin creased his face. “I see you found your quarry.”

“It was quite easy, sir.”

It was then that Loki realized that the fighting had all but stopped. Thanos’ army as well as Asgard’s halted fighting as some orange skinned creature stepped forward. Who was this that they commanded entire armies to cease fighting?

Then Loki looked up, wrapped in some kind of power or magic was you and baby Asa.

“Let them go!” Loki shouted. “They’re innocents in this!”

“I do not think I will.” Thanos said, studying your terrified face in the glowing orb of magic surrounding you. “I have leverage now.” Thanos signaled for the army to retreat and they backed away.

Thor and Hela came to either side of Loki as the fighting hit a standstill. “How did he get them?” Thor asked.

“No idea.” Loki was cursing himself for leaving you alone. He should have stayed with you until you got on the ship.

“Can we not just kill him and take them back?” Hela said, “I don’t need to worry about his army anymore.”

“I would advise against any dramatic rescues.” Thanos signaled to the orange creature. The magic around you glowed brighter and Loki watched as your eyes grew wide, a sudden panic as you tried to take in breath. Asa squirmed, unable to cry in your arms as air became nonexistent.

“Stop!” Loki screamed, his voice tearing in half. “Don’t hurt them! Please!”

The light faded and you sucked in deep breaths as air was granted again. Asa’s shrieks filled the air and though they pained him it at least was a clear indicator that you were both fine.

“That was a warning. Try anything and the woman and child will be dead before you get the chance.” Thanos warned. “Now, would you like to reconsider handing over the tesseract?”

“I’ll give you the tesseract. Just let them go.” Loki said, his eyes never leaving you.

“No. Not until the stone is in my hands.” Thanos pointed to Loki. “And you alone will take me to it. I do not want these others getting any ideas about attacking me once we are inside the vault. If I catch even a whiff of subterfuge from you, you forfeit their lives.”

“I promise. Just don’t hurt them.”

“Loki,” Thor grabbed his brother’s shoulder, “If he has the tesseract--”

“I don’t care. I’m not risking their lives.” Loki snapped. He glanced back at Thor and Hela. “You make sure everyone else is safe.”

“But--”

“Born frost.” Loki muttered, barely loud enough for them to hear.

Thor’s eyes widened. They shared a look with Hela and in the span of a few seconds everything seemed to be communicated about what Loki was planning to do once inside the vault.

“Stay safe, brother.” Thor said, “I trust your judgement.”

Hela shrugged. “And if you just so happen to perish down there--”

“Hela, I swear if you are going to joke about stealing my wife again I am going to kill you.” Loki snapped. She grinned.

With that they went to help the citizens and Loki lead the way for Thanos into the palace. Once inside Thanos dismissed the creature that was keeping you aloft and you collapsed to the ground. Loki tried to get to you but Thanos blocked him, instead grabbing you and hoisting you up in his arm.

“Let go of her!” Loki snapped.

“Not until I have the tesseract.” Thanos said, “Do not think I am daft enough to let you try and pick off my assistance. If you want them you will have to cut me down and we both know you’re not capable of that. How many times did you try before?”

Loki didn’t want to think of the many attempts he had made against Thanos during the time of his imprisonment. They all ended in pain and humiliation.

“Loki, I’m fine. I promise.” you said, your voice shaking.

“Listen to your wife.” Thanos glared down at him, “Now, the tesseract.”

Loki led the way down to the vault. Asa was still crying and fussing. You were talking softly, trying to soothe her with comforting words and a familiar lullaby you used to sing when Loki awoke from nightmares. “Good evening, good night, may your slumber be light. May your dreams be deep as the stars watch your sleep. In the morning you’ll rise and be healthy and wise. In the morning you’ll rise and be healthy and wise.”

Finally Asa started to settle and it was a small blessing that she was well enough to rest.

“How old is the little one?” Thanos asked, peering down at the babe in your arms.

“She was born yesterday.” you spat, “She hasn’t even seen a full day of life yet and you’ve already tried to kill her. Do not act as if you give a damn about my child.”

“An unfortunate thing that, but I needed to be sure that your husband would lead me to the stone.” Thanos said. “And despite what you may think, I am not a monster. I do this with a goal to ultimately help the universe.”

“I know all about your plan. It is madness.” you snapped in a hushed voice, trying not to wake Asa. “With the power of the infinity stones why would you choose to destroy half of all life instead of multiplying resources? I am telling you this as someone who has known poverty and hunger, killing half of all life on Asgard would not have made me more wealthy or put more food in my belly. The decimation of half a population would ruin the economy and get rid of essential workers like farmers that provide food. It would ensure that even more people would die before things got better. Is that what you want?”

“You do not see what I see.”

“Perhaps that is because I see clearly whereas you are blinded by rage and an idealization of a picture perfect plan without actually taking into account how it will make things even worse. What do you even gain? What if during this mass culling of half the universe you die too? Or did you conveniently choose to spare yourself, thus making sure the killing is not actually indiscriminate?" Loki would have been damn proud of your argument if he wasn’t terrified for you.

“You are wise. Wiser than your foolish husband.”

“Yet I have the feeling that you aren’t going to change your mind.”

“And intuitive.” Thanos scoffed. “You would do well with my children.”

“I’d rather rot than stay with the beast that tortured the love of my life.” you sounded revolted by the mere idea.

“Such a shame.” Thanos sighed.

Finally they came upon the vault. Loki turned to face Thanos. “We’re here. As a show of good faith I insist you let my wife and daughter go.”

Thanos glanced down at you then back at Loki. “So be it.” Thanos set you down on the ground. “They are free to go, but they will be the first to die if you try anything.”

“Loki,” you struggled to keep your legs under you, “Loki, please don’t do this.”

“Take Asa and get out of here.” Loki said.

“Loki--”

“Go!” He shouted at you, desperation burning his voice. “Please, my darling. Go. Keep our little one safe.”

You looked like you wanted to argue but you nodded and limply started making your way back up the steps. Loki opened the doors to the vault and braced himself. He had one shot at this and the consequences were worth more than life and death.

Down the steps of the vault all of Odin’s treasures and trophies glittered. Thanos once inside was paying very little attention to Loki, his gaze set solely on the shining cube of the tesseract. One shot.

Loki focused his magic more than he had ever done before and sent a double walking along behind Thanos, while his physical body turned invisible. Thanos may be powerful but he was no sorcerer, he was never able to detect Loki’s magic on his own before. Hopefully that was still true.

As quickly and as silently as he could Loki grabbed Surtur’s crown. Thanos caught sight of the crown disappearing, coming into invisibility with Loki and turned, body colliding with the illusion of Loki and making it disappear in a cloud of vapor. Before he could have a chance to react Loki slammed the crown down into the eternal flame.

“What did you--” Thanos began shouting but the flame grew brighter, hotter, bigger. The blank voids that were Surtur’s eyes lit with molten life as he was awakened. Ragnarok was upon them.

Thanos threw his blade at Loki but he was quicker, teleporting across the room to the tesseract and grabbing it before teleporting again to the top of the vault steps. All the while Surtur was growing bigger by the second, easily now the size of Thanos and getting bigger. “You may be a titan but you should know better than to go against a god.”

“No!” Thanos roared and charged but Loki focused the power of the tesseract and opened it up to where you were.

You had barely made it up the steps leading down to the vault when Loki reappeared. “Loki--”

“No time.” he grabbed hold of you and used the tesseract to transport the three of you away again. This time you were inside the ship with the remaining populace of Asgard.

“We need to go! Now!” Loki shouted, pushing through the crowd to find Thor and the others.

“Loki!” Frigga found him first and clasped him in a hug. “What happened?”

“Born frost shall raze thy world.” He stated. “We need to leave right now!”

“Thor! Hela!” Frigga called for her other children. “Ragnarok is upon us! Get this ship out of here!”

“On it!” Thor ran to the helm.

“That idiot doesn’t know how to fly this thing.” Loki rolled his eyes and ran after his brother. He flashed to the helm alongside Thor. Hela was already there, pulling the ship away from its foundations in the earth.

“Oh, glad to see my baby brothers finally made it.” she smiled in a teasing manner, “And Loki, you’re alive. I suppose this means your wife doesn’t need a shoulder to cry on.”

Loki held up the tesseract. “I will teleport you to the other end of the universe if you keep making comments about stealing my wife.”

“Loki! For the love of everything still good in this world! Get rid of that!” Thor snapped, grabbing the cube out of his hands and hurling it out of the ship back onto the exploding planet where it could finally be destroyed.

“That may have been unnecessary.” Loki said as he watched the planet get smaller as they pulled away. Surtur had grown as big as the planet, encasing everything in flame and ruin. Then he plunged his sword into the foundations of the planet and Asgard was no more. Maybe that was for the best.

You limped your way to the helm and reached for Loki. He collected you in his arms and buried his face in your neck. “I am so sorry.” he sobbed, “Stars above, are you alright? Asa? Do you need anything.”

“I just need to sit.” you murmured, the weight of the night crushing down on you. “Please tell me that’s the end of it. Odin is dead and Thanos…he has to be dead too. Right?”

“Very dead.” Hela confirmed. “I could sense his life ending. He will not bother you any more, my sweet.”

“Good.” you crumpled against Loki in relief.

Loki caught you and led you to a seat where you promptly passed out again. He gently eased Asa from your arms, checking over your daughter once more just to make sure she was well. Nothing, not even a scratch. He pressed a kiss to her head and then a kiss to yours.

“Where to now?” Thor asked from the helm.

Loki gazed out across at the many faces that had narrowly been saved from the total destruction of Ragnarok and felt the strength leaving him as well. “Somewhere safe, hopefully.”

Frigga came over and smoothed a hand through Loki’s hair. “You did well, my son. Rest now. We’ll take it from here.”

And so Loki did. He closed his eyes, his family in his arms, and fell asleep for the first time believing that hope was an attainable thing.

Chapter 41: The Sun Will Shine

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When you awoke some hours later you were in a different part of the colossal ship that harbored the population of Asgard. You were on some kind of bed, Loki asleep next to you and no sign of Asa. You immediately sat up, scanning the small room you were in for your baby. Loki stirred, reaching out for you.

“Darling, what is it? Something wrong?” he asked, his words heavy with the veil of sleep.

“Where’s Asa? I don’t see her--”

“Calm, my darling, calm.” he pulled you back onto the thin mattress. “She’s with my mother. It was a long day so she took her to give us a chance to rest properly without any interruptions. She is safe.”

“I want to see her.” you threw back the blanket.

“Stay.” he yanked you back easily. “Rest. I’ll go get our baby.”

He rolled out of bed and left the room. A few minutes later he came back with a sleeping little bundle in his arms. “There you go, here’s mama.”

“Oh my baby, my sweet little girl.” you cooed gently, a sense of peace returning as you held her in your arms. “Did anyone check her just to make sure she was alright? When they cut off our air I--”

“She’s been examined. Perfectly healthy.” Loki assured you, slipping back into bed. “So are you, by the way.”

You took a few moments to breathe and let yourself calm back down. “It’s alright.” Loki rubbed your back, “We’re safe. No more Odin. No more Thanos. All is well.”

You looked up at him, tears in your eyes. “And how are you feeling? The people who hurt you are gone. You’re free.”

“It is a relief but one I am still having trouble believing.” Loki gritted his teeth. “I spent so long terrified I’m not sure how not to be on my guard all the time anymore. I guess a part of me will always be worried that someone out there will want to avenge their deaths and come after me again.”

“I cannot promise that there is no chance of that happening but I do know that you will never have to face those fears alone. Because if anyone comes for my husband again they are not leaving alive, I can promise you that.”

Loki chuckled. “You were very fearsome earlier.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” you scoffed, “I couldn’t even fight back because I was still recovering from childbirth. If I hadn’t been in such a state that monster that grabbed me would have had his head ripped off the second he threatened Asa.”

“Of that I have no doubt.” he kissed your hairline.

“I guess this bears the question, what do we do now? Where are we even going?” you asked.

“Thor suggested Earth which I am not thrilled about but we need to go somewhere. This is a big ship but space is still finite and so is food. Don’t worry, wherever we end up I’ll make sure you and Asa are safe.”

“And you too.” you reminded him.

“Me too.” He agreed with a small smile.

You were traveling for another day when another ship got into contact with yours. Some group that called themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. Apparently they had heard word that Thanos and his army were destroyed with the destruction of Asgard and sailed through the debris of shattered planet just to make sure. The group were an odd assortment of people from other worlds.

You were on the bridge with the others when the video message came through and you noticed how Loki froze when you saw them. “Is something wrong?” you had asked.

“Two of those women are Thanos’ daughters.” he whispered back to you.

“Do you think they mean us any harm?”

As if to answer your question the blue woman with pitch black eyes dropped something in front of the screen. It was hard to make out at first because it was burned into charcoal but a shape took form through the burnt flesh. Thanos’ head.

“You have done a great service.” the green woman whose name you learned was Gamora, said. “Not just for us but for the entire universe. What Thanos had planned to accomplish was nothing short of the worst tragedy the universe would have ever seen. By wiping out him and his army you have ensured that no one will carry on his design. If there is anything that you and your people need, it will be yours.”

“A new place to live would be wonderful.” you spoke up without thinking. All eyes turned to you. “What? We do need somewhere to fit an entire planet’s population and I doubt that Midgard can sustain such a large influx of people.” you also weren’t keen on going somewhere that may not welcome Loki.

“Oh, just another entire planet? That won’t be difficult at all--” the raccoon spoke up before getting cut off by the blue woman, Nebula.

“It isn’t difficult, actually.” she said. “There is an uninhabited planet, distant, but it has more than enough space and resources to let your people thrive.”

“Where is this planet?” Thor asked.

“Thanos referred to it as The Garden. He had planned to retire there with his “children” after killing half the universe. With him gone though there is no one else to take it.” Gamora said. “We can send you the coordinates but it is a long journey.”

“It may be best to stop somewhere and stock up on provisions and materials.” Frigga said, “We will need items to help build when we arrive if it is nothing but untamed wilderness.”

“We can send word ahead to the Nova Empire that you will be arriving and to give you whatever you need.” there was a human looking man who chimed in, hitting something on a different screen, “We can probably even arrange a transport to join you just to make sure you don’t run into any trouble and help transport supplies so you don’t have to clog your own storage with it.”

It all seemed to good to be true. One moment you were drifting through space and the next you had a new planet to settle on with the promise of protection and supplies on the way. After everything you had gone through it felt like the universe was finally extending a hand and telling you that you didn’t need to worry anymore. There was no more fighting, no more worrying, you could just live.

Like they had said it took a long time to get to the planet they talked about but when you touched down it was beautiful. Rolling green hills and high mountains with large flowing rivers. Immediately upon getting to the planet everyone that was able started unloading supplies. Months passed as your people worked tirelessly to make this planet into a home. It helped a lot when other thankful planets that heard about how Asgard had helped defeat Thanos came to lend a hand, either with supplies or with extra hands.

By the time Asa was learning how to crawl you had a city of simple but nice homes, farms tending to livestock and produce, artisans creating fabrics and furniture, and the ship that had brought you here serving as a kind of meeting hall and emergency center since it was too massive to move again.

Thor was often away helping protect the galaxy, mainly Midgard honestly, from threats which left Frigga and Hela in charge most of the time. Frigga had taken a step back as ruler and it was Hela that ruled over the new Asgard mainly.

Despite his surly attitude to her initially Loki was warming up to Hela. Of course, any good grace she earned from him was squandered the moment she started flirting with you again. You knew she only did it to make Loki mad and you couldn’t help thinking it was funny too.

Loki was called in as a consultant on certain matters and was on the official council but that was as close to ruling as he got. He had said before he had no real desire for the throne and he had meant it. His priority he would say was his family. Speaking of…

You had taken to life on the new planet exceedingly well. Loki had taken special care in crafting the home of your shared dreams. Not nearly as grand as the house you grew up in as a noble or as splendid as the palace, but not the hovel you were living in for years either.

It was cozy but spacious enough for your growing family. You actually had separate rooms for the living room and kitchen with a roaring fireplace, a bigger bathroom, a linen closet, a pantry, and of course a large bedroom for you and Loki with a proper wardrobe for your clothes. You had also built on a couple extra rooms, one was Asa’s nursery and the others had yet to be filled but you had no doubt that as soon as Asa was a little older you’d be filling them as well.

You had flowerboxes on the windows and a large yard out the backdoor where you sat with Loki and Asa under the shade of a big tree. You had Asa in your lap. “Come on sweetie, say mama. Say mama.”

“Dada!” she exclaimed happily.

“No, say mama.” you sighed. “I know you can, say mama.”

“Dada!” she babbled again.

You groaned, shooting a glare at Loki. “This is your fault?”

“How is it my fault that she won’t say mama?” he asked.

“You have to be talking to her more to make her say dada instead of mama.”

“I don’t even refer to myself as dada, I tell her to say papa.” Loki raised his hands in innocence. “I swear.”

“Then where is she getting dada from?”

“I don’t know, my darling.” Loki said.

“Dada!” Asa said.

Wait a second. You stared at your daughter. “Darling?” you said.

“Dada!” she repeated.

“For the love of--” you swore in your head. “She’s not saying dada, she’s trying to say darling. She thinks my name is darling because you keep calling me that.”

Loki snorted. “What a clever girl.”

“It is cute but I’m supposed to be mama! You hear that, baby? Mama! Mama! Mama!” you blew your lips against her tummy to make her laugh.

“She’ll get it eventually.” Loki assured you. “And if not, we can always try again with the next one.”

“I’m sure your auntie Meya and grandmother would love even more babies to cuddle and adore and spoil rotten. Then they wouldn’t need to fight over you.” You were open to more kids but you were going to wait a while longer before trying again.

It was amazing to look back on where you were a couple years ago. You had at one point been living in poverty on the brink of starvation, no prospects or hopes for love or children on the horizon. Now look at you. You had a wonderful home full of food and warm beds, you had a loving husband who adored you like you were the sun itself, and a perfect little baby whose smile always managed to brighten your day. You had friends, a family, everything you could ever want.

You never thought that this could be your life. Yet here it was.

You knew that your happy days did not erase your bad ones. There were still nights Loki awoke from nightmares and so did you. There were scars on both of you that would last your entire lives but they felt easier to carry when you were side by side like this, the product of your love on your hip. It felt like you could take on the entire universe in moments like this. Thankfully, the only problems you had nowadays were dirty diapers and meal prep.

That reminded you, it was getting close to lunch time and you could tell Asa was getting fussy for some food so you scooped her up and attempted to stand.

“Here, let me,” Loki helped you up.

“It’s hard trying to stand while holding a baby.” you grunted as you were hefted to your feet, Asa carefully cradled against your hip.

“Soon enough she’s going to be running circles around us.” Loki twirled one of her baby curls around his finger. “Let’s cherish this time she’s just our little bean.”

“Don’t call her a bean.” you smacked him with your free hand.

“What? She’s bean shaped.”

“You are ridiculous.” you rolled your eyes but took his proffered hand as you strolled across the yard towards your home, the sun bright with promise and warm on your backs.

Notes:

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know that now that this fic is complete I'm going to be taking a small break to recenter and figure out what I am gonna write next. There's a lot of changes going on in my life right now including starting a new job and starting yet another hectic semester of graduate school as I work towards my Masters. And because I'm going to be doing all this extra work I don't know how well I'm going to be able to commit to writing on my normal updating schedule. I also have no idea what story I want to tell! I have a lot of ideas for Loki and for Bucky and I’ve been toying around with an F4 Johnny fic idea. There’s a lot going on.

So I don't know how long my little hiatus will last, it could be anywhere from a couple weeks or till the semester ends in December. I really can't say but I can promise this is not the end of me. I have WAY too many ideas to not keep writing. I just need an adjustment period and keep myself focused on my studies while I get some of my fic ideas flushed out. Thank you so much for your understanding and all the love you've shown me whether you started reading this fic yesterday or if you've been with me since Vanir Princess. I love you all!