Archive of Our Own ^beta

The fireplace illuminated warm light in the dark-colored bedroom; the crackling of the fire filled the silence comfortably. Contradictory to the snow storm outside, whose fierce winds conjuring chilling temperatures, inside was comfortable. Pure Vanilla watched the storm silently on Dark Cacao’s bed, his legs crossed and hands neatly in his lap.

“Was the storm forecasted tonight, dear?” Vanilla’s soothing voice blessed the mighty king's ears. Humming in response, Cacao walked towards the bed frame, watching the storm from the same grandiose window.

“It was, the lands will be getting quite harsh weather for the days ahead…” Dark Cacao let his hands be taken by Pure Vanilla, who kissed them softly. In discomfort, Cacao wrinkled his nose, but did not remove his hands. He did not care about the affection Pure Vanilla gave him, his hands were merely sore . He hoped Vanilla did not see.

And he did not, Pure Vanilla continued to gaze out the window, despite being blind, he used his staff to see. Its eye stayed focused to the window, but Dark Cacao could have sworn it was somehow glaring at him.

“It is late, Pure Vanilla, should you not rest?” Dark Cacao questioned, removing his crown and setting it in its designated place.

“Should we, not just me, Dark Cacao. And yes, we should…” Correcting him gently but sternly, Pure Vanilla rose gracefully from the bed. His staff glowered at Cacao.

“Your staff is scrutinizing me…”

“Oh, is it…? Stop scowling at him, my friend…” Pure Vanilla turned to look at the staff, disciplining it. “It must believe something is wrong, my apologies, dear…”

“...Hm.” Dark Cacao watched Pure Vanilla venture off to get himself settled for bed. His stomach dropped, a bubbling, burning, feeling dared to erupt. Subconsciously, Dark Cacao held his hands to his chest, scratching lightly on his knuckles.

His hands were gloved, like always; thick, wool shielded his hands from the extreme weather. It was nothing different than normal, so Pure Vanilla wouldn't be suspicious. On the other hand, going to sleep required removing the gloves, something the bitter king did not account for. Shame added to the boiling pit in Dark Cacao’s stomach; he would find out. His heart beated faster, pushing it all down, Cacao swallowed his pain.

Just like he always did. 

“Dear? Come so I can brush your hair, and come change into your nighttime robes!” A sweet voice broke the desolate man’s mind. Pulling himself together, he walked towards the bathroom where his angel had gone.

Entering the bathroom, Pure Vanilla had changed into his night robes; a soft, pure blue that mesmerized the king. He walked over, burying his head into Pure Vanilla’s neck, leaning down due to a significant height difference.

“ Oof! Hello, my dear…” Pure Vanilla hugged Cacao lovingly, giggling as Dark Cacao placed pecking kisses to his neck.

“...You are beautiful” Dark Cacao held Vanilla close, his voice muffled from his head in the healer's neck. Pure Vanilla blushed fondly, raking his soft hands gently through the taller man's hair.

“Thank you, my love…Come now, let me brush your hair…”

“Hm.”

“ No, no, you can lie on me all you want when we get into bed,” Pure Vanilla tried pushing up on Dark Cacao to no avail, “let me brush your hair, Dark Cacao…” 

“...” With no intention of moving, Pure Vanilla chuckled and sighed, rubbing Cacao's back.

“Fine, I will compromise. You get changed into those robes there, and I will take the brush and wait for you on the bed. That way, we will both be more comfortable instead of leaning like this…”

“...” Sadly, Dark Cacao let go of Pure Vanilla, his gaze stoic but needy. In the moment, all he wanted to think about was Pure Vanilla; it was easier to silence his aching mind. Pure Vanilla smiled sadly, reaching up and rubbing the side of Dark Cacao’s face.

“Maybe my staff was correct, you seem unhappy, dear…Hurry now, go change and I will be outside. If you take too long I will come back to check on you…” The healer kissed the king's cheek delicately, brushing hair out of his face. Leaving quietly, Dark Cacao watched again as Pure Vanilla left the room.

He did not mean to show it in his face, now Pure Vanilla was onto him; Dark Cacao wished he wouldn’t have to admit it . It was embarrassing, someone so strong should not be doing such reckless things. Looking back down at his gloved hands, he realized they were trembling.

“...”

He could not even speak to himself out loud, shameful . Dark Cacao was grown; he should have the capacity to use his voice. His throat felt tight, nothing he wanted to say would even come out. Yet, he pushed it all down, he did not wish to burden Pure Vanilla on his visit to the kingdom.

Taking off his royal hanbok, Dark Cacao stood in front of the mirror with nothing but his undergarments and his gloves. The memory on his chest ate at him everyday; he could never forget, he was not allowed to. That day, the very day he let his-

“Dark Cacao, my love, are you alright in there?” A shaken gasp escaped the pain-filled man, he turned towards the closed bathroom door. The light knock from Pure Vanilla thankfully ended his barreling mind. Quickly putting on his night robe, Cacao opened the door. He tried to quell his racing heart, but he knew he was only delaying the inevitable.

“Goodness…Come, my dear, come sit down with me.” Pure Vanilla gasped at the door opening suddenly, he was met with Dark Cacao’s solemn eyes. Pure Vanilla took his hand, leading Cacao over to the bed.

Tensing slightly, Dark Cacao followed Vanilla without a sound. He wanted to speak, tell Pure Vanilla that everything was alright; he’d be a liar. Even so, at least he would not be leaving Pure Vanilla in his deafening silence. He was awful at communicating to begin with, this was only a million times worse.

Sitting on the bed together, Dark Cacao watched as the botanical staff stared jarringly at him. Truth, it wanted the truth. Cacao knew Pure Vanilla must know he’s hiding something, if it wasn't evident in his actions, the staff told him. The eye watched his every move; everytime Pure Vanilla went to touch him and he flinched, everytime he tried to speak and failed. It mocked him, the failure that he was. Cacao already titled himself a coward; why wouldn't it leave him alone?

His throat was sealed shut, and his chest felt like it was being crushed; his guilt was crushing him. His ears rang violently, he could not hear anything. He could not move, but he could hear something faint, something so bitterly sweet.

“Dark Cacao!” 

Pure Vanilla gripped Dark Cacao’s shoulder tightly, watching as he finally responded to his name. He relaxed his grip quickly, listening to Cacao’s shaky breathing.

“I am right here, Dark Cacao, I am not leaving…” Vanilla reached for Cacao’s face, holding it in his hands with a tender touch. “Follow what I show you, okay?”

Holding his gloved hands, Pure Vanilla took a deep breath through his nose. Holding it for a short time, he let it out through his mouth slowly. Squeezing Cacao's hands kindheartedly, he reassured him to try.

“Go on, dear, in through your nose, hold it with me, and out through your mouth. Go slow, okay?” Pure Vanilla spoke slowly so it was easier to grasp, holding Dark Cacao’s gaze to make sure he could still hear him. “I am right here, my love.”

Without realizing, Dark Cacao held Pure Vanilla's hands tightly. He’d curse if he was in a calmer state of mind; he was hurting him. But his mind had no time to dwell on that, he tried his best to follow Pure Vanilla; and he couldn't do it. His lip trembled, he felt burning tears well into his eyes. He was angry, he needed to get a hold of himself. Why was he acting this way?

“Keep going, Dark Cacao, in and out…well done, my love.” Pure Vanilla soothed Cacao, he was shakenly following the healer's instructions. Vanilla lifted Dark Cacao’s hands to kiss them, an act of reassurance.

Cacao jerked himself quickly from the healer, holding his hands in fear. He did not mean to rip his hand away from Pure Vanilla, he was getting too close. He will find them, the blisters, the scratches, the scars, the gashes; everything. He could not risk that; his angel would be disappointed.

A single tear fell down the king's face, he sat in shame, in hate; he always denied everything. Selfish, he was so self-

“ Cao, my love? I am still right here with you…I know you are fearful, I am not meaning to harm you…” Pure Vanilla put his hands out in front of Dark Cacao, he waited patiently. “May I help you, my love?” 

The king sat in silence, his face full of sadness and dread. He looked away from Pure Vanilla, and back towards the all-knowing staff. It watched him, it was Pure Vanilla's eyes, after all, but it was no longer mocking him. It got its truth, and in return, it received a broken man. Cacao’s tired eyes moved back to Pure Vanilla, who he hadn't realized had taken his hands again.

“ Let us try again, okay, Dark Cacao? Follow me, deep breaths, in and out…” Vanilla assured him once again, this time, he seemed to be in a calmer state-of-mind. He was too tired to think any longer, Dark Cacao's mind was too blurry to be monstrous; he was defeated. He followed the healer, watching him with weary eyes. His chest burned, and his hands trembled.

“Well done, my love, you did so well for me…” Vanilla this time leaned and kissed his aching head, looking into his exhausted eyes and smiled sadly.

“I would like to look at your hands now, dear. I understand that you are struggling and I would like to help you in any way I can, my love… Is that okay? ” Dark Cacao listened to Pure Vanilla’s soft voice, he knew what he said, but did not move. He still did not feel worthy of help, and he never did. But, he was too tired to argue.

“This isn’t your fault, my love, to feel afraid is only natural. You do not have to close yourself in.” Vanilla pulled Cacao in a gentle hug, letting him lean into his neck how he always liked. He tried his best to make him comfortable in a situation he knew was troubling for Cacao

Dark Cacao swallowed the lump in his throat, leaning into Pure Vanilla, he calmed himself. His eyes fell dowards, and he removed his gloves with trembling hands. Looking up to see Pure Vanilla's face, the healer pursed his lips at the injuries on the other man's hands.

“...I am…sorry…”

Dark Cacao mustered up an apology. He needed to say something, anything; those were the first words that came to his mind. It was barely above a whisper, Pure Vanilla would have missed it if the room wasn't so silent. His sore hands hurt so much more, small blisters and burns hissed in the cold air.

“Do not be, I am very glad that you were able to let these feelings out, my dear. It is not healthy for you to bottle all of this in, as well as release these feelings on yourself . I wish for you to at least care for these wounds properly…” Warmth hit Cacao’s hands and he felt Pure Vanilla's healing magic flow through his hands. He could feel the binding of small cuts and the unswelling of bruises. 

“...I am sorry…” He felt everything all at once, he could not even begin to filter through it all. Pure Vanilla kissed Dark Cacao’s forehead once more, moving his hand over his head. The magic hit Cacao’s head in a comforting way, relieving him of his awful headache.

“I promise you it is forgiven. But you need to promise me something, yes?” Pure Vanilla tried to sit Dark Cacao up; he was much larger. Sitting up himself, he sat in front of Pure Vanilla instead of leaning on him.

“...Hm…?”

“Promise me you will take better care of yourself, even if it is only in the smallest of ways. You are not nothing, you are a person, with true feelings. You deserve to be taken care of no matter if you believe you are worth it or not…” Pure Vanilla cupped Dark Cacao's face, tears pricked his eyes. 

“I…” Cacao’s voice was hoarse, he carefully wiped away Pure Vanilla’s tears. He noticed his hands, now, they were rid of any scars and blisters. He studied his hands intently, then he looked back at Pure Vanilla, who smiled bittersweetly. “...I will…try my hardest, Pure Vanilla…”

“Wonderful!” Pure Vanilla sniffed and kissed Dark Cacao happily, hugging him. Cacao returned the kiss, holding onto the healer tightly.

“Now come, my dear, let me fix your- oof! ” Dark Cacao cut Vanilla off by leaning his weight on top of him, making him fall into the mattress with a soft thud.

Sweet laughter filled the guilt-ridden room. Pure Vanilla tried to push the larger man off to no avail, and Cacao hugged him closely. He kissed Pure Vanilla in numerous places on his beautiful face. Never wanting to hear the end of his laughter.

“My angel…” Dark Cacao kissed his neck sweetly.

“ Angel? How sweet of you…” Leaning close to each other, Pure Vanilla kissed him again.

Silence filled the room, but it was not deafening. Blush appeared ever-so-slightly on the mighty king's face. He caressed Vanilla’s cheek, leaning into his lover; he felt safe. 

“Do not fall asleep with that head full of hair loose, it will get into my face, let me brush it, Cao…” 

“Hm.”