Chapter Text
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When I wake on Saturday morning, Xaden's still asleep behind me, his arms wrapped tight around my waist. I know he's still sleeping because he made me a promise the night before—I'll leave that for you to initiate. Given the way his cock is pressed against the curve of my ass, hard and heavy, I can only assume he's dead to the world.
I swallow, stomach swooping as he shifts in his sleep, hips rolling with the movement.
"Xaden?" I ask quietly, trying to carefully extricate myself from his grip. He makes a sound of malcontent, his arms tightening around me and I gasp, freezing as he buries his face in my neck.
My lips part as he rolls his hips again, pleasure sparking low in my gut as he grinds himself against me, his cock pressing insistently between my thighs. My breath hitches. "Xaden!" I gasp, lifting a hand behind my head. I thread my fingers into his hair, cradling him close as his movements stutter, hips stilling.
Despite myself, I chuckle.
"I didn't take you for a heavy sleeper," I comment, leaving my fingers tangled in his silky black strands, holding his lips to my throat.
"Violet," he croaks, his voice hoarse with sleep. "I'm so—"
"I know," I interrupt, fingers scratching slowly at his scalp. He would never touch me without my consent, I know that. Closing my eyes, I swallow hard. There's a bead of anxiety rising in my chest, close to surfacing. I viciously shove it down.
"Why don't we take care of that?" I whisper. Slowly and deliberately, I roll back against him, grinding on his cock.
He sucks in a sharp breath, his lips still pressed to my neck. "Violet," he gasps, hands tightening on my waist. His fingers dig in and I let the feeling ground me, focusing on what I have to do. "Violet, are you—"
I flip my body around, pressing myself to him chest to chest. Wincing a little at the spark of pain in my hip, I lift my leg, twining it over his. "I'm sure." I answer his unfinished query. "I want to get past it."
He flinches.
I want to get past it. Oh god. "That didn't come out right," I beg as he begins to retreat, pulling away to put some distance between us. "Xaden…"
His eyes are steely when they meet mine, though there's a level of care in them still, that I'm not sure I deserve. "It was honest though, wasn't it?"
A knot lodges in my throat and remains there, keeping me unnaturally silent.
"I told you it was up to you to initiate this whenever you felt ready. Sex between us is not an obligation, Violet. I am not an obligation. If you don't want to—"
"I do!" I interject, a distressed sound catching in my throat. He falls silent, watching me. "I do. I'm sorry," I whisper. "I know you're not—I didn't mean it like that." I search for the words, struggling to calm the rising panic in my chest.
Exhaling slowly, I draw a deep breath, reaching out my hand. When he doesn't reach back it's like a punch to the gut. I feel awful. "I want to have sex with you." I try to keep my voice even, but it still wavers with emotion. "I've wanted you since that first night. I remembered most of it from the start," I admit. "The sex, I mean—I know, you know I lied to you about it."
He holds my gaze. "But?"
I swallow, my heart squeezing in my chest. He's had a great amount of tolerance for my insecurities thus far, but no one's patience is infinite.
"But it's like…a first date," I decide and his brow furrows at the analogy. "When you go on a first date, even if you really like the person, on some level you just want to get it over with, or at least I do." I shrug, swallowing the knot in my throat.
"You can relax and enjoy the ones that come after, but that first one—it's new and scary and you're just…nervous. You have an idea of what's going to happen, but you don't know until it's over. What if it doesn't work out?" I stare into his dark onyx eyes, willing him to understand.
He's quiet for a moment. "What is it that you think won't work out?" he asks finally. "We've had sex before—albeit drunk—and we've done other things…what specifically is making you nervous now?"
What if you don't enjoy it? I think, swallowing hard. That might just break me.
He sighs at my continued silence, holding out his arm, and I take the invitation immediately, sliding across the mattress. It's easier somehow to think about it with my face tucked into his chest and his arms wrapped around me tight.
"I don't know," I voice finally, soft and embarrassed. "It's not anything specific, I just…get nervous. What if you don't like it? What if it's not good for you? What if your cock doesn't fit in my—"
He chuckles against my hair, his body vibrating with it and I smile, turning my head up so I can kiss his neck. I leave my eyes closed against the burning that plagues them.
"We both know that won't be a problem," he replies, his amusement clear.
"Maybe for you," I tease quietly. "I spent the morning after our wedding quite sore."
"That was a vigorous evening," he points out. "I was intoxicated and probably not as gentle as I could have been." He sounds a little remorseful about that.
"I don't know that I want gentle," I reply, surprising him into silence. "I don't know what I want, really." Dain had always been too gentle for my tastes, Halden not gentle enough. I've never enjoyed sex all that much and before Xaden I had thought the problem was me. He, I know, is not of the same opinion.
"I've enjoyed everything we've done together so far," I tell him, feeling like it's important to make that distinction out loud. "We just haven't done everything sober, so I don't know exactly what it will be like—what I'll be like," I correct, "and that's scary."
"Better," he says firmly, his hand carding through my hair. "It's going to be even better." His certainty is comforting.
Slowly, he dips his head and carefully catches my lips. The kiss is soft and warm, more tender than he's ever been with me, and relief washes over me in a wave. I haven't ruined things.
"I'm sorry," I murmur between breaths as his hand slides up my side. "I don't think of you as an obligation, Xaden," I reaffirm, my lips brushing his. "I just said the wrong thing. I remember what it felt like, having you inside me"—he groans into my mouth—"and I want so badly to feel that again."
His fingers tighten in my hair where he holds me close and the burn of my scalp is almost electric. "Yeah?" he pants, his tongue sliding along the seam of my lips.
"Yeah." I tilt my head, allowing him free rein. "I dream about it all the time." He kisses me deeply, like he almost can't get enough. His movements are anything but tentative as he rolls over me, settling himself between my legs.
"You need to stop thinking so much, wife," he pants against my mouth, nudging my thighs wide to make room for himself. "It's going to be the death of you."
God, don't I know it.
"Xaden," I breathe, arching up. I can feel the line of his cock pressing against my underwear. He's filling out again already. Kissing his way down the side of my throat, he presses me steadily into the mattress, supporting his weight on one hand beside my head.
As he sucks a mark into my skin, his fingers trail teasingly down my side, finding their way beneath the cotton t-shirt—his t-shirt—covering my body.
"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, a small smile tugging at his lips as he runs his thumb over my nipple, taking my breast in his hand. He flicks at the delicate nub, swirling his thumb and I gasp, bucking my hips into him. My lip trembles.
"You told me you were going to fuck the insecurity out of me," I whisper, almost begging.
"Yeah?" he murmurs against my skin. "You'd like that?"
I'd felt stricken the second the words left my mouth, but then that's kind of the point. Quickly, I nod, my cheeks flushing with warmth. "Please?"
He presses his lips to my jaw, leaving soft, delicate kisses along my skin as his hand moves to the opposite breast. "Do you remember what I said to you in the museum?" he murmurs, sucking a mark into my throat.
My breath hitches and I shake my head, unable to make a sound. Which museum? He's taken me to more than one.
His lips curve, like he can tell what I'm thinking. "By the butterflies." he presses a single kiss behind my ear, sliding the t-shirt slowly but surely up over my abdomen. "You need things to be careful and deliberate," he whispers, "so you can feel safe."
As if in emphasis, he slowly peels the shirt up over my head and tosses it to the side, telegraphing every movement as he returns his hand to my skin, sliding it carefully up my stomach, from my belly button to the valley between my naked breasts. My breathing quickens. There's no switching off the lights now.
He dips his head, moving at an almost glacial pace, drawing one nipple into his mouth. I moan, arching up into him.
I was supposed to be taking care of him. I scramble at the reminder. "Xaden," I pant. "You were—I was supposed to be—" I reach for his pants.
"We'll get there," he chides, nipping at my skin with his teeth. "Stop worrying. I'm going to fuck you good and well this morning, love, and it's going to be phenomenal for me."
My stomach swoops and as his hand trails down, fingers teasing at the band of my underwear, I gasp. Heat pools between my thighs and he holds my gaze. "I've got you, Violet."
"I know," I breathe, my heart beginning to slam wildly against my ribs.
"You're safe with me." His fingers draw small circles against my hips.
"I know," I repeat, steadier this time. I've always felt safe and protected in his embrace, it just takes a while sometimes for my brain to recognise it.
His lips skim lower, pressing butterfly kisses to my rib cage. "If I'm doing something you don't like, you'll tell me," he dictates, waiting for my chin to dip in acquiescence. "If you're doing something I don't like, I'll do the same," he murmurs, his tone reassuring. "Though I don't think I'll have to worry about that. You're always so good for me, wife."
I exhale shakily, my abdomen tightening and his lips curve up in a smirk. He holds my gaze, his eyes never leaving mine as he slides his fingers beneath my underwear, lips working their way down my skin.
He hooks his fingers in the fabric, slowly dragging them down my legs and I gasp as he presses a kiss to the inside of my knee. When he stands, sliding his sweatpants slowly over his thighs, my heart skips a beat.
I know what he looks like, of course. It's seared into my brain from that first night in Vegas, but seeing him like this again—naked and aroused—up close and personal…all of a sudden I feel like prey.
My heart thuds against my rib cage and it takes me a second to identify the sensation that races down my spine as anticipation, not anxiety. I'm trapped beneath his gaze, like a rabbit in the sights of a fox and I…like it.
"Xaden," I murmur, holding out my hand. I take a deep breath and let my knees fall apart. His eyes darken, desire clear on his face as he steps closer again. The way he looks at me, lips parted like he's imagining devouring me whole, itches something primal in my brain. I want him on me, over me, inside me.
My heart is pounding so fast I'm sure it's visible beneath my skin.
"Look at you," he says quietly, threading his fingers through mine as he settles between my thighs. He dips his head, dragging his teeth over the shell of my ear. "Wet for me already."
I shiver, chest rising and falling unsteadily as I gaze up at him through hooded eyes. "You might be nervous," he murmurs, "but this isn't." He drags a single finger up and over my clit and I gasp, bucking into him. "How many fingers do you think you'll have to take before you're ready for my cock?"
I whimper, lips parting in surprise as he swirls a finger around my entrance, but his eyes are serious as he stares down at me and I know he expects an answer.
"I don't—I—two?" I stutter, pressing my head back into the pillow as he swirls over my clit with his thumb.
He lifts our joined hands from the sheets and drags them toward him where he kneels on the mattress between my thighs. "Two?" he asks, amusement in his eyes as he brings my hand to his cock, pressing my fingers around it. My heart pounds and my stomach explodes with butterflies at the feel of him, the weight in my hand as he closes his fingers around mine, encouraging me to stroke.
My mouth falls open in a soft moan and I tip my head back. He's dipping a finger inside me, curling it up, all while moving my hand on his cock. "Xaden," I pant, resisting the urge to close my legs, to trap his wrist between my thighs and rock my hips.
He moves my hand under his, showing me how he likes it. I try my best to take over, to run my thumb around the head in a way I know drives men crazy, but it's hard to concentrate with his finger dragging the evidence of my arousal around my cunt.
"How many, Violet?" he prompts, a smirk curving the edge of his lips, and I try to focus, to think of the correct answer. I tighten my hand, imagining the stretch of him inside me and I flush, stomach twisting in anticipation.
"Three or four?"
He huffs a silent laugh, leaning down to press his lips against my own. The kiss is soft and open-mouthed, and I whimper against him, arching upward. I want to feel him over me. I want to be enveloped in him.
He flattens his hand, dragging two fingers up to circle my clit and I gasp, rocking into him, my grip tightening automatically around his cock. His hips buck in return and he tilts his head back, pausing for a moment to gather himself.
Seizing the opportunity, I move my hand faster, sliding my thumb around the head of his cock with every stroke. When I twist my wrist he groans, panting audibly with his eyes closed.
"Violence—" He catches my hand in his, holding me still. He breathes in deeply for a moment, not opening his eyes. "Do you want me to come before I can get inside you?" he asks, shoulders drawn tight.
I stare, my lips parted in a soft 'o'. "Just from my hand?" I ask tentatively and he groans softly.
Chuckling, Xaden drops his hands to the sheets and crawls over me. "Do you not know what you do to me, love?" he murmurs, dipping his head to brush his lips against mine. I shiver, leaning in to accept whatever he's willing to give. "You're gorgeous, Violet. All spread out beneath me…"
I inhale sharply as he drops his hips, dragging his cock through the wet arousal between my thighs. "Xaden!" I gasp, arching against him, fingernails scrambling over his shoulders.
"Feel how hard I am?" he whispers, nipping softly at my jaw. "That's just from looking at you. You're dripping for me; so pretty all spread out." He nudges my thighs wider with his knee and my breath hitches.
"God, the taste of you…" He drags his body down slowly like he's thinking about it—contemplating going down on me again—but in the end he simply settles back between my thighs, lifting his hands to my skin. Running firm palms up over my legs, he presses my knees to either side, opening me up like a butterfly. "You make it so hard not to come, wife."
I shiver at the low tone of his voice, feeling like every cell in my body is oriented toward him. His eyes are dark as he surveys me, his fingers drawing gentle circles against my skin as he watches my cunt clench on nothing.
I try to reach for him, levering myself up on my elbows, but he only pushes me back down, his hand firm in the centre of my chest.
"Xaden, I can't reach you from here," I protest quietly, a frown contorting my brow. How am I supposed to touch him if I'm to remain against the pillows? Our size difference has never seemed so stark before.
He takes my hands, pressing them pointedly into the sheets. "You don't need to reach me," he says, bringing his fingers back to my entrance. "You only need to lie back and let me take care of you."
"But—"
He flicks his thumb over my clit, watching me gasp and arch up off the bed. "Your gorgeous body will take care of me once I work my way inside you."
My stomach swoops, every muscle in my abdomen tightening at the words. He speaks like we're made for each other, like there isn't a doubt in his mind that he'll enjoy it.
He draws two fingers up through my arousal, ensuring they're good and wet before he begins to circle—soft and slow, setting my nerves alight.
I try my best to relax, laying pliant as he rubs his fingers over my clit, soft exhales and small moans of pleasure escaping me. "Do you plan on doing that soon? Working your way inside me?" I finally ask, finding my resolve.
He pauses, lips curving up in a devilish smirk. His eyes gleam as he says, "I was wondering where the woman I married had gotten to."
Without warning, he slips two fingers in side-by-side and I gasp, arching upward as he curls them, stroking firmly over my g-spot. "Xaden!"
"Do you think you're ready for me, love?" his free hand draws lazy circles over my knee. "I think you should give me at least one, then maybe you can have my cock." One what, doesn't need to be specified.
I moan, clenching down around his fingers and his hand trails up over my thigh to my hip, pressing it firmly into the mattress. No rocking my hips allowed—got it. "Let me work."
My eyes roll back in my head. I shouldn't find that kind of dominance as attractive as I do. "I want you, Xaden," I assert candidly. I'm not coming unless it's around his length.
His eyes gleam with a thrill he only seems to display when I challenge him—an entertained kind of pleasure that I've only ever seen directed at me. "And you'll have me," he says firmly, his voice low, "when I think you're ready."
He draws his fingers out and back in, setting a glacial pace as he fingers me, curling the digits up with every stroke. I exhale slowly, trying desperately not to buck my hips. Focusing on my breathing, I spread my legs further.
"Good girl," he murmurs, rolling his thumb over my clit. "Take what you're given, Vi."
I whimper, anchoring my hands in the sheets. "Xaden," I beg, clenching down around him.
The next time his fingers slide inside me, he's added one more, his eyes never leaving my face as it twists in pleasure, my own eyes rolling back in my head. "How does that feel?" he murmurs, scissoring his fingers apart and I gasp, crying out.
"Yes! Yes." It's the only word that leaves my mouth and I flush when I realise it doesn't answer his question, though I'm sure it gets the point across. "Please, Xaden." My chest heaves with the exertion of remaining in place, the effort of trying not to rock my hips into his hand as he stimulates my clit and the magical spot inside me at the same time. I've never experienced anything like it before. I don't quite know what to do with myself, I just know I don't want to come, not yet.
I want him closer. "Please," I beg again. I want him inside me, but more than that, I want him to hold me, to praise me. I tilt my hips despite myself, pressing my body further into his hand.
"Look at you," he murmurs, sitting back on his heels. "You listen so well, Vi." I groan as he slides his fingers free, dragging his wet hand up over my skin. I feel depraved.
"I'm ready, Xaden," I tell him, though it's almost a whimper, the way my throat tightens as the words come out. "Please, I promise I'm ready."
He studies me in silence, drawing his hand back through my centre before he wraps it around his cock, smearing my arousal over it. Finally. My clit throbs.
"Tell me what you need, Vi."
"You, inside me," I reply immediately, not needing to think about it twice. I'm desperate for him now, and it's made me bolder than I was when the morning began. Maybe that was his goal all along. "Please, Xaden."
His lips curve and he crawls up over me again, cupping my jaw in his hand. "How?" he asks steadily. "Like this?" He draws his thumb over my lip before dropping it to my thigh, hiking it up around his waist.
I hiss both at the sensation of him against me and the pain the movement sparks in my hip, and he lowers my leg immediately, his brow furrowing in concern.
My heart leaps into my throat. I want him. I will not lose this moment.
Pulling at his hand, I lift my knee toward my chest and fold his fingers gently over my thigh. "Like that," I whisper, blushing slightly. "Straight back? It was just in one position too long and I—" He cuts me off with a kiss.
My heart clenches as he reaches for a pillow, sliding it under my hips. "And now?"
"Perfect." I peer up at him through wet lashes as he draws his hands firmly down my sides in long, comforting strokes. When he finally moves to lower his hips, grinding his cock against me, I gasp, arching my spine. I reach for him, encouraging him closer and quickly realise there will be no kissing, not while he's inside me at least. A muffled laugh escapes me, my mouth pressed against his abdomen.
"What's so funny?" he asks, contorting his neck to nip at the skin of my ear and I gasp, rocking into him.
"Us," I breathe, lips upturned. "How we don't fit." My eyes close reflexively as he rocks his hips, dragging his cock over my clit.
"I think we fit perfectly," he murmurs, his breath warm against the shell of my ear and I gasp, arching into him, my nipples brushing his chest. He groans, leaning back to line himself up and holds my gaze as he slowly pushes inside.
He's every bit as big as I remember. It's a struggle to adjust to him even now, even after taking three of his fingers. He's thick, the girth of him stretching me almost to the point of pain and I inhale sharply, fingernails scrabbling against his skin.
"A little deeper love," he pants, rocking his hips ever so slowly. "You can take it."
A small voice in the back of my mind wonders if I can, actually, but I brush it away with force. Of course I can. I've taken him before and it was euphoric—I can do it again. I want to do it again.
Forcing myself to relax, I exhale slowly and tilt my hips, rocking toward him encouragingly. He slips in a little further, his thrusts deepening. "Good, just like that," he encourages, strain edging into his voice. At least I'm not the only one struggling.
Almost subconsciously, he pushes my knee further back against my chest, his hips jerking, and it slams him home, stretching me wide around the final inches of him. I moan desperately, tilting my head back against the pillow and he stills, fingers tense on my waist as he gives me a moment to adjust.
"Vi?" he asks softly when I don't speak, my cheek pressed firmly into the pillow, eyes closed.
A quiet moan tumbles from the back of my throat. "Fuck, Xaden," I pant, feeling my heart pound inside my chest. I'm stretched impossibly wide around him, his cock filling me so perfectly, and it's then I realise we haven't used protection. I quickly decide I don't care. I want to feel him like this—all of him against me. Carefully, I clench my walls down around him.
"Violet!" he gasps, his body shaking with exertion above me and I smirk, remaining silent. There are some advantages to us not being eye to eye.
"Do you think I'm ready yet, Xaden?" I breathe finally, and his grip on my leg falters.
He hangs his head, pressing his mouth to my hair. "Here I am, trying to be nice to you," he growls. "Taking it slow, letting you adjust…" I groan as he rolls his hips, thrusting shallowly. "Is that not what you need, Vi?"
He drops his hand from my knee, rolling his fingers gently over my clit and I cry out, arching upward. "I—"
Xaden moves his hips, grinding himself slowly inside me and I moan, tipping my head back. He thrusts a few more times, with varying force and depth before I realise he's studying me, watching for my reaction to see what I like the best.
"There," I gasp helpfully as he presses in at the perfect angle. "Just like that."
A smirk crawls over his lips and I watch through wet lashes as he rolls his hips, driving his cock into the soft, cushiony spot inside me. My whole body tenses, sensation lighting up my nerve-endings.
"I could keep you here like this, you know," he murmurs quietly, ignoring my gasp as I tighten around him. "Keep you on the edge, warming my cock—never quite giving you enough to come…I don't have anywhere to be." I moan at the thought, arching into him.
"I don't—know that I—deserve that," I gasp, my walls tightening around him as I try to encourage him to move, pleasure coiling tighter in my abdomen. "I've been so good for you."
"You have," he admits, thrusting slowly. "You just look so good with your cunt stretched around me." I cry out, almost coming undone as he presses his thumb to my clit. Tears prick my eyes and I gasp, tipping my chin back to meet his gaze. The world spins as he runs a gentle hand over my jaw.
"Xaden."
His thrusts begin to pick up pace and I relax my spine, rocking my hips to take him even deeper. He's the perfect length, but god, the stretch of him—I've never felt so full—it's exquisite. "Please, Xaden," I gasp, heat crawling over my skin. "I need you. I want to feel you come."
His hips stutter and I let my legs fall open just slightly, taking him deeper on his next thrust. "Yeah?" he gasps, groaning against my hair. "You want me to come inside you?"
"Whatever you want," I moan, tipping my head back against the pillows. Usually I'd be mortified at even half the words leaving his mouth, but right now I couldn't care less. I'm desperate for it, rocking my hips, begging him to get me there. I've never wanted to come so badly before in my life. "Please, Xaden," I beg, screwing my eyes shut. "Please. Please, please, please,"
"Shh," he murmurs against my hair, sliding a hand up over my heaving chest. "I've got you." He increases his pace, driving into me with a single-minded intensity, hitting just the right spot over and over again. Tears prick my eyes and I cry out as he rolls his fingers over my clit, utterly relentless.
"Come on, Vi," he murmurs, hips stuttering as I clench down around him. "Come for me. Come on my cock."
My body jerks, a frisson of pleasure zinging down my spine. "X-Xaden—" I buck my hips frantically, reaching for him, and his hand finds mine, threading our fingers together as the wildfire building in my abdomen finally explodes. "Xaden!" I convulse against him, coming in long, continuous waves.
I've never felt anything like it—it's almost painful, the kind of pleasure that rolls over me, each spasm more intense than the last as I clench down hard around him. I let out a sob, tightening my fingers on his and he swears, driving into me only twice more before he topples over the edge too.
It's overwhelming, the sensation of him finding release inside me, and I tip my head back—dazed—my heart still beating a mile-a-minute as my walls continue to flutter around his cock.
"God, Vi," he groans, his hips jerking of their own accord, and I relax into the pillows, utterly sated. For a moment I can barely see, my vision blurring at the edges. "Your cunt," he moans as I spasm again, tightening around him inexplicably.
Heat flushes my cheeks as I begin to come back to myself and I remember how he'd behaved the last time we'd done anything—the way he'd stared between my thighs after I'd climaxed, sliding his fingers back inside. My stomach tightens.
He lets out a long exhale, tipping his head down and presses his lips to my hair. I blink up at him in a haze as he slowly pulls away, rolling onto the mattress beside me. A small noise of protest leaves my lips at the utter emptiness I feel without his cock and I turn an even darker shade of red as my mind finally comes back online.
His hands are gentle as he guides my leg down, straightening it out, and my heart swells when he catches my wince and leans over, brushing his lips across my hairline. His touch is firm and reassuring as bundles me into his arms, his skin warm against my own, and when he cups my jaw, raising my eyes to his, I think oh god, I'm in trouble.
"Violet," he murmurs, running a thumb over my cheekbone. I swallow hard, tilting my head in invitation—I want to kiss him. He acquiesces, dipping his head to claim my lips with his own. It's soft and hot, and possessive—and everything about it has me shivering with anticipation, my stomach swooping as I consider taking his hand and dragging it south again.
"Violet?" he repeats against my lips, stronger this time, and I realise I haven't said anything—haven't spoken at all since I climaxed.
"I think I'm still insecure."
A strangled sound escapes me the second the words leave my mouth. Why on earth would I say that? Of all the things I could have said—
His lips quirk up and he chuckles quietly. "We can work on it," he teases. "Everyday if you like. You certainly didn't seem insecure when my cock was inside you."
"Xaden!" Heat floods my skin and I know if I look down a patchwork of red will be spreading down my neck and over my chest.
"Did you like that position?" he asks casually, his eyes like a brand as he lifts his hand, trailing it down over my naked chest. His fingertips trace the valley between my breasts and I squirm, but don't attempt to bat him away.
"It was fine," I breathe, pressing my thighs together as he drags a fingernail down to my navel.
"Just fine?"
I breathe in deep and tilt my head back, finally meeting his eyes. They glimmer with dark amusement. I came hard and he knows it. My husband, I decide, is a little too smug.
"I wanted this time to be face-to-face," I admit honestly, feeling my pulse spike, "but I think it would be better if you took me from behind." He stills, his brain clearly stalling as he processes what I've said. I bite my tongue hard and turn my head away, embarrassed to have voiced as much aloud. I'm incredibly out of practice at this whole pillow-talk thing.
I hear him curse softly under his breath and then his hand is on my cheek, turning my face back to him. "You'd like that?" he asks, not allowing me to avert my gaze and I force back my gut reaction, which is to deny everything out of embarrassment.
Ignoring the shaky, apprehensive feeling in my chest, I draw a deep breath and tighten my fingers on his, still pressed against the mattress together. "It gets you deeper," I admit, breath catching as he holds my gaze, "and it's a better angle for your fingers on my clit."
It's also better for my hips, but I don't feel the need to voice that part aloud, I've said quite enough already.
His eyes darken and he dips his head, kissing me softly as if in reward. "Then we can do that next time." The hand on my jaw caresses my skin, his thumb stroking gently over my cheek. "Don't be embarrassed, love," he murmurs and my chest tightens.
"I'm just not used to asking," I admit. I've never had sex like this before, where almost all of it has been about me. What we did that night in Vegas…as much as I crave it and dream about doing it again—all of it—a corner of my mind is still telling me it's depraved.
"I know." The reply is simple, but the way he says it is a comfort, his gaze soft and reassuring.
"Did you…" I trail off, not quite willing to ask the question. He only waits, open and relaxed, and I know him well enough at this point to realise it's his way of encouraging me to speak up. "Did you enjoy it?" I force out, pressing my cheek into his hand.
"You know I did." His lips curve upward in a smirk. "I enjoy every part of you, in any position." He drags a hand teasingly down my spine and I shiver, arching away from it, but that only presses my chest to his. "I'm glad we got past this first time," he murmurs as my nipples harden against his skin. "There are so many other things we can try now."
I feel a spike of irritation as he brings up my faux-pas and tilt my chin up defiantly. "When are we going to find the time for that?" I ask sweetly. "You only have a single date left and that's next week."
His eyes gleam with a delighted look that really should concern me more than it does. "This hasn't convinced you to give me more than we originally agreed on?"
I shrug. "Not particularly." It's a lie and we both know it.
"That's a shame," he murmurs, giving my cheek one final caress before he pulls away, rolling to his feet. He takes the covers with him and I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself as he heads for his closet. "I had so many plans for you," he calls over his shoulder.
Curiosity itches at me. "What kind of plans?" I demand, waiting for him to return to the bedroom, clothes in hand.
He stops beside the mattress, watching me, and I feel myself begin to tense up, self-consciousness gnawing at me as he stares, but I refuse to give in. I might not know the kind of game he's playing, but I can take a guess. I let my knees fall open.
His eyes sharpen and a hungry, covetous look enters them as he steps closer, planting one knee on the mattress. Slowly, he drags his fingers up over my thigh, all the way to my core where his own release has made a mess of me.
"The kind where we shower together and I fuck this back into you with my fingers."
I inhale sharply, almost choking. "Xaden."
His lips curve up in a smirk. "There's also the one where we sit and read together with my cock inside you and wait to see who breaks first." My stomach swoops. "Or the one where you get on your knees for me and—"
I throw myself from the bed, slapping my hand down hard against his side. "Enough," I command, shaking my head. I let my hair fall around my face in a long curtain, hoping it hides the evidence of my mortification. "So crass," I mutter, yelping as he pulls me against him, wrapping his arms around me tight.
"I want all the time with you," he murmurs in my ear, hugging me with his stomach pressed to my spine. "I can convince you in whatever way you need."
I wrap my arms over his, heart softening as he holds me close. I close my eyes, imagining for a moment that this domesticity is normal, that it's my life. We fit together so damn perfectly. If this were real and I could have him, if I weren't so terrible at relationships and I could ask for anything I wanted…what would I do right now?
"You could," I blurt. "In the shower." I close my eyes, a sharp huff of air escaping like a silent cry of humiliation. Why am I like this? "And then breakfast?" I finish, my voice cracking.
There's a moment of stillness and then a vibration—his chest beginning to shake us both with silent laughter. "Or just the food," I mutter, turning my face into his shoulder.
"I can do both," he replies, planting his lips against my throat in a wet, teasing kiss.
It's a promise he makes good on.
I'm sure my moans of pleasure can probably be heard from the next floor down as he takes me apart beneath the warm spray of the shower, his skilled fingers bringing me all the way to the edge and over it. I can't bring myself to care.
My legs are still shaky when I gather up the dogs twenty minutes later, prepared to lead them out for some time on the grass while Xaden starts to scramble some eggs. There's an avocado on the bench and some sliced tomato that tells me breakfast is going to be a little more complicated than that, and my stomach flips—a strange feeling washing over me, like a kaleidoscope of butterflies making themselves at home in my gut.
"I have a thing tonight with my friends," he mentions casually, not looking away from the knife in his hands. "I was hoping you might come. They'd like to meet you."
My lips part in surprise and I stare, running over the words in my head. His friends want to meet…me? "What kind of thing?" I ask, watching as he crouches down, a piece of tomato in his fingers he feeds to Andarna, running his hand over the pup's head affectionately.
"Just a gathering at a bar," he says, still not looking up. I tilt my head, trying to pinpoint what's so off-putting about it, but come up with nothing.
"Do they know?" About me—about our marriage being real but…not real, at the same time? Is this going to be an event where I have to act while I'm being judged, or just a regular, anxiety-inducing meet-the-family?
"They know everything."
I let out a breath of relief. "Oh. Ok," I agree, nodding my head as he rises to his feet.
"Ok?"
It's only fair after all, he did have to meet my family, and honestly that has to be worse.
"Yeah," I reassure him, rising up onto my toes. It's only logical, right? I lift my hands to his shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I want to spend time with you," I admit. And if we're going to continue whatever this thing is between us, I'm going to have to meet his friends eventually.
A soft smile blooms on his lips and I realise he thought I would refuse. "I'll get the train back tonight, just let me know what time."
"I'll pick you up," he contradicts sternly as if travelling from Crown Heights is unacceptable, and I duck my head, hiding the shy smile that stretches my lips.
"Ok."
I bundle the dogs out the door, herding them to the elevator before they can get even more annoyed at the delay in their morning routine. Sgaeyl is huffing already, like an irritated mother waiting for her children to get themselves organised.
"So sorry to inconvenience you," I mutter, lifting my hand toward her head. She growls slightly, her reticence clear and I quickly lower my hand. No touching—ok. "You'll have to get used to me, I think…maybe," I tell her, comforted by the press of Tairn's head against my side. "Feels like I could be sticking around."
It's the first time I've said it out loud to anyone—if a dog even counts—and it's mildly terrifying. I must be insane. Only someone insane would start a serious relationship in these circumstances.
I perch on some rockery, leaving the dogs to run around and do their business while I pull out my phone, making a call that's probably long overdue.
"Hey, Rhi…I—I need a friend. Will you go somewhere with me?"