Archive of Our Own ^beta

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5/21/5012

Today was an interesting day. I was exploring the outskirts of Natlan when I came across a body with bat ears! I thought I was dreaming, but he was real. When I got closer to the other boy I was shocked to see the boy being just skin and bones. I was so shocked, I dragged him to my clan right away to have Chasca's family take a look at him. Luckily the boy I was with was not sick besides being severely underweight from not eating enough. So we had the boy eat a plethora of Tatacos and he ate a lot up! After the boy was well fed, I asked if I could touch his bat ears since they seemed to be so soft. He let me! And wow those ears were so soft! I could tell he liked the touch from the smile he let out after the interaction. Once he left our tribe, he said he'd try to come visit me again. I hope he does come back soon because I forgot to ask his name ahaha…

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7/5/5020

Not how to explain this, but I think I have feelings for my best friend, Ifa.

I mean…I think I have felt this for as long as I knew him? But it's stronger?

I rummaged through Granny's light novels and well, I feel flushed whenever I am near him now, or whenever I think of Ifa.

What sucks now is that my heart beats so fast and my brain is just rotten vegetables whenever I try to speak to him.

Ifa has always been nonchalant with me since I can remember so I have no idea if he feels the same. One thing is for certain, he loves grabbing on to my arm, back, or whatever when he has a chance. I'll have to ask next time I see him…

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3/2/5024

Agh I am probably the last person to admit this but I hate making mistakes. As someone who always tells my mate Ororon that “Mistakes are okay bro” “don't beat yourself up bro” and I'm here feeling tightness in my chest, heavy weight in my eyes because I was too slow checking up on a Saurian. And because of that all of my other appointments on other Saurians got pushed back and my human appointments. The humans were NOT happy. They asked what took so long? Do I even matter? Whaddya you mean bro of course y'all do!!

Thank the archons for Ororon's support. If he wasn't there to tell me I did fantastic today, I would be crying heh. I love my bro so much…

As a person who studies humans and Saurians, gotta say feeling bad after mistakes is probably the worst trait we got. I can push through because of support but what if you don't get it? I imagined I'd be not in my field without all the love I have. It's so hard pushing through the weight and tightness that my mind forms when I have a rough day and I make a mistake that affects others. I just want to acknowledge and move on and improve.

Gah I need a break…

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1/11/5018

To think that sleep is an easy thing to get. Heh, not for me. I am currently writing in this journal since sleep dances around me, teasing its presence. I probably shouldn't have had that concoction Granny made. However, it helped me the day before to do my tribal duties with four hours of sleep. So, I also had some today after sleeping half a day away from sheer exhaustion learning how to make the tribal tapestries. However, no matter how much I pay attention to those lessons, it doesn't seem my fancy. The whole time I was listening to the elders, my mind was wavering on the current vegetables I am currently caring for. The carrots should be ready any day now. I need to make sure I bring some to Ifa the next chance I get to see him…

Ifa…he sure has been busy recently. He has been studying with Chuychu's family learning about all the different treatments Saurians could have that are similar to us.

Hmmm, I also wonder if that's the reason I can't sleep. Chuychu and Ifa spend a lot of time together…I can't help but feel my stomach drop anytime I think too much on that matter.

I might need to borrow Granny's light novels again to understand this feeling…

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9/23/5030

It's been a long time since Ifa and I were together.

Gotta say, my dear bro keeps getting scars. And I love everyone. Of course, he gets quite embarrassed whenever I bring it up with our friends in public; however, whenever we're alone, he tells me how grateful he is that I love him, flaws and all. I mean…how could I not? Ifa is so upbeat and caring even when the most difficult patients hurt him or he gets verbally abused by his human patients. I just wished he loved himself more.

But I am also guilty of that. Not loving myself. Or having confidence. But when Ifa is around…I can do everything.

I will continue to devote my life to him, my dear Veterinarian.

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3/17/5025

To think that today is a celebration of luck and prosperity. Well, I just had a fatui agent tell me something I have been in denial for my whole life…that I am different…

Not with the fragmented soul, that is a whole other can of worms….and not that I'm weird, I already know that…

No, it is the fact that I am socially different…how I am not a typical person when a social interaction occurs. This agent pointed out that I have a hyperfixation on my garden? I thought everyone had an interest in some sort.. the fact I will over apologize for the smallest inconvenience….how I shut down when faced with confrontation…

I asked my dear bro on the matter after this encounter to see what it could be. Ifa of course laughed and knew exactly what it was.

“Ahahaha I've been wondering when you'd ask this. You are neurodivergent bro!”

Dumbfounded, I shook my head, thinking this was a complete misdiagnosis.

“You can't be serious Ifa…I already have many issues, I don't want another label to isolate me more from others…what if I lose my friends if they find out…”

Ifa placed his gloved hands on my shoulders and gave me the most sincere look.

“Mate, you are okay. Nothing's changing with our group of friends. We all love you for who you are. And if anyone has a problem, then that's on them. And if you seem like you have no one to turn to…you always have me.”

Ifa leaned to give me a tender kiss on my forehead. Archons, his kisses are like a fresh spring shower. Always there to reset me.

I’ll be okay…I can take my time with this…and with Ifa around, I will always have someone to support me.

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11/11/5023
It is never easy losing a Saurian. No matter how many times one is put down due to ill health, I always wish there was something I could've done to keep it alive.

There was one that was just put down from a terrible accident. It was a Tepetlisauri who ran into a training session in the children of echoes and got severely hurt from a bow shot. I tried to do everything to save that little guy. But….nothing seemed to work. I would've hated it if the guy had to live the rest of their life like that, so I had to make the ultimate decision to put it down peacefully rather than slowly dying.

As Ororon would say, “Sometimes vegetables don't make it no matter how much sun and water you give them, it's just life”. And it's true. Some lives are burned to ash and cannot return.

This is why I am so glad I have my dear bro Ororon. That night when we had to euthanize the hurting Saurian, Ororon took the time to set a bath for me, wash my hair, and even braid it in a couple of funny ways to get me to chuckle. He also made me a fresh salad to get me to eat something. That man is truly something else. Ororon may be quiet to most but he truly has a heart that shines like the night sky. I love him with all my heart. I'm so glad to be with him.

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04/07/5025

I’m slipping man. Ororon hasn’t hung out in over a week. Granted, a lot of the reasons were totally practical, but I can't help that my dear bro is trying to hide something from me.
First excuse was that he was feeling faint due to his fragmented soul. Reasonable and something that does happen quite often. Second time around, he said it was ‘too late’. This dude is the definition of a night owl…how could hanging out late be a problem? I did my best to not be angry, I know how sensitive Ororon can be.

Then, when we had a chance to hang out, my dear bro was dragged away from his granny. To think I would cry over something so trivial but heh…here we are.

As I write this, I am wiping tears away as I deal with grief from a Saurian who didn't make it. A Tarankasauri who was suffering from Addison's disease. The owners didn't find out until she was passed out on a scorching hot day. If only Ororon was here…I could really use a hug from my dear bro…

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2/10/5018
Every time I look at Ororon now, my heartbeat beats out of my chest. My face gets flushed, and I can barely have a coherent conversation. I know that love will do this to someone however…I didn't realize it would be this strong.

Ororon and I were talking for hours over a couple days ago over the most trivial things. He talked about all the different vegetables he wanted to grow this year and I discussed all the new things I have learned from my studies to become a Saurio-vet. But, something weird happened…

Ororon had a shot of pain from his fragmented soul and flew as far away from me as possible to cry. He didn't want to appear like a ‘big baby' who would cry over something that is bound to happen. But thanks to Cacacu I got to him quickly and smothered him in a hug.

He seemed…touched-starved. He didn't let go of me for almost five minutes. Once he collected himself, he thanked me. My heart exploded. Now, I can't get him out of my head.

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5/18/2026

It's been over a year since Chuychu has passed away. I have definitely been dealing with a lot since I totally forgot about it until I talked to Chasca today.

Since there is no burial site for her, Ororon and I plan to have a picnic by one of her favorite cliff sides in the flower feather clean, to talk about our favorite memories about her.

May is always a hard month. Both my parents passed away when I was 17. One on the 2nd, one on the 22nd. And now with Chuychu passing last year….

It's just hard bro. I have some things that I like in May, like Cacucu’s anniversary when I found him, and the day I opened my clinic. But my mind still drifts to my losses….

Thank archons for Ororon. He has been my rock today. Pulling me into as many hugs as possible, giving me a lot of space when things are too much.

But eh, enough of the sappy stuff, I should celebrate the life of Chuychu.

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6/7/5015

It was something small, but something so sweet. Ororon pulled strings with his Granny to take me over to his place.

I was freaking out bro. Full-stop.

We first had some good ol bro time by hanging out with Kinich and playing some genius invocation TCG. After that, Ororon took me to a juice stand, and paid for my drink! I was like…no way bro! The heck ya on about!? I always pay for meals and drinks for us since my family's business. But no, he switched the rolls today.

Then we got to his house, and went outside to watch the clouds for a couple of hours, like we usually do. But this time…I had some weird thoughts…

Every time I looked over to see his face, I got the urge to hold him. Hold his hand. Even…kissing him…

Like bro, I know the good ol saying kissing ya homies goodnight but…I'm serious…

I'm in love with Ororon. I…I am in love with my bro…

I know if granny ever finds out, or even my parents, we would get so much shit for it. My parents want me to continue the family's business by running the clinic, and that means getting kids, but like…how do I have kids with my dear bro!?

Gah, I don't even know if Ororon feels the same!

Well…nothing happened. He thanked me for the time, and we parted ways when he was called for a ritual.

Well, that's that I guess….

My heart can't stop racing after what happened…

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07/23/5025

My soul feels very heavy today…

Might be due for a gem change,

Or it is something more…

Every time I think about Ifa, my heart sinks.

Like, a rotten radish, decomposing beneath the blazing sun.

I know what I've done will give me an earful,

But that's not what worries me the most.

I think the next time I will see him,

Might be my last…

Part of me wants to stay,

Just for him…

But, I've grown distant…

I miss him,

I miss him a lot.

Like a cabbage, crying for water.

Do plants cry?

I wonder…