Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I fix the collar of my Healer Cadet uniform shirt and smooth the apron that covers my shirts as I walk to the infirmary. Brushing my long brunette strands off my shoulders, I head in for my shift. It’s been exhausting the past few weeks, things are getting intense as graduation for the Rider Cadets nears and there are a lot of dangerous tests going on. 

I head to the board where they list our assignments for the day. Which beds we’ll have that include anyone that ends up in them. I look for my name… I. Blair. 

I spot it, but there must be a mistake, there’s only one bed listed under my name. I see my Lead Healer walking by and quickly reach out to tap her shoulder as she passes. 

“Healer Colbersy, I think there’s been a mistake. I only have one bed assigned, by this point in the year I’ve progressed to four beds by now.”

She smiles, “Not a mistake Cadet Blair, you’re the best in your year. Your patient is being brought in now and he’s in critical condition. He’s going to need one on one care, likely for a long time. In fact, we want to start keeping the same Healer’s with their long term patients to promote continuity of care and healing, so, this will likely be your assignment for some time. They’re bringing him in now from the flight field. Congratulations Cadet Blair, this is a progression that you’re being trusted with.”

“Oh I--” I’m stunned and not sure what to say. I’m only a first year Healer, and usually only third years get critical patients, maybe a very bright second year. “Thank you.” I simply say and nod to her as she passes. 

My heart swells with gratitude. I’m actually doing something right around here. I’d always felt a little inadequate here, considering I was almost going to choose the Scribe quadrant route at one point. 

I head down to my assigned bed. It’s a single private room. Ooof, usually these are reserved for the pretty gnarly wounds. Just in case they scream from the treatments. 
I start prepping the room, turning down the bed. Stocking the supplies, making sure to have plenty of gauze and sterile saline. 

“Coming through!!” I hear and that must be my delivery. “Where should we put him!?” a gruff voice asks, it sounds like he’s carrying my delivery.

“Down that way, Cadet Blair will greet you.” Healer Colbersy says and I start heading towards the commotion. 

Two Riders, a curly brunette and a sandy blonde,  carry another one on a stretcher, except this one is icy blonde… and pale. The Rider leading the front of the stretcher flashes me a wide grin with a wink.

“Hey there, gorgeous, where should we put him?”

I ignore his commentary, “In here, follow me” I say turning on one heel. I lead them past the rows of beds filled with other riders from the day’s exploits of their debauchery. 

“Yes, ma’am” he says and from this tone I can tell he’s checking me out from behind. I roll my eyes but they can’t see my face. Cadet… Gamlyn, I think. I’ve seen him around plenty of times, and stitched him up a few. He’s known for getting himself into trouble, even more so than the other First year riders. 

Ahhh riders. 

And I’ll get to deal with the harassment of the one they’re carrying in for weeks it sounds like.

I  lead them into the single private room and stop in front of the bed I’ve been assigned. I spin around on one heel towards the Cadets and to no surprise find Cadet Gamlyn’s eyes gazing downward. Our gazes collide as he looks up, grinning like a devil. I tilt my head and give him a look of disapproval. 
I motion to the bed, “Here please, Cadets.”

“Thank you, Cadet Blair,” the other one says, flashing me a softer freckled smile. “Sorry about him, he’s..”

I stop him, not in the mood for niceties and ready to get to work. They place the stretcher on top of the bed. “No need to explain, Cadet Henrick. I’m aware of what he is.”

Cadet Gamlyn takes his hands away from the stretcher, flinging one in fist to his chest, feigning a knife to the heart. 

“Now if you two would be useful, would you go find Cadet Glasson for me please. That’s all.” I dismiss them to go fetch Brielle. I’m going to need two hands to help me stabilize this one, he’s pale and lost a lot of blood.

The curly haired one takes a step towards me and leans slightly forwards, “As you wish, gorgeous,” he says and I can see him smirk from the corner of my eye.

I don’t meet his eyes, I just chastise, “It’s Cadet Blair, to you Cadet Gamlym, now go if you want your friend to live.”

He chuckles as the freckled one tugs him away, out the door. “Let’s go Ridoc, apologies again Cadet Blair.”

I merely nod their way and focus on my patient down before me. His wound haphazardly bandaged at his waist, its slightly reddened on the side from blood staining through. 

I take a glance at his face, something I’d been avoiding because dear gods he is gorgeous. That hair.. That jawline… 

I know when he opens his eyes it’ll get even better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. 

I shake my head and break my gaze, refocusing on the task. I hear footsteps approaching as I begin to peel away his flight jacket revealing the wound. 

“Hey, some Riders said you needed me?” Brielle says, I turn to her and her eyes widen slightly as she sees what’s laying down before me. 

I take in all what she must be seeing as well. He looks like a fallen angel… in rider black. 

“Holy Amari, Isla, that’s quite the upgrade in assignment” she says and by the look on her face I know she’s referencing more than just the severity of his wound.

I blush, hoping he’s not conscious enough to hear us. But also for the sake of his health, that he is, of course. 

“He’s going to need fluids, if not also blood. I have the supplies here but would you go ask them to prep the blood just in case.” I begin to take out the necessary supplies from the cart at the side of the bed. 

Fluid resuscitation first, then I’ll handle the wound care. Undoing that dressing now would just cause him to lose more blood. 

I take a pair of sheers and cut the arm of his flight jacket open. Trying to cut quickly, but along the seam so that it might be salvageable if it’s not too stained from blood already.

I gasp quietly when his arm is revealed, seeing the tattoo that swirls from his wrist up to his shoulder. A rebellion relic. 

This isn’t just any Rider. He’s the son of one of the Tyrrish rebels. I’d healed a few, but nothing that required exposing their entire relic. My heart pangs with grief for a moment, to have watched their parent’s executed in front of them, as children, and then to be marked with shame so visibly and permanently. 

I want to stroke his prominent jaw line in an act of sympathy, but I opt for his forearm instead, simultaneously searching for a good vein to start an IV. His arm is cool to the touch, and his veins are flat, although on an arm like this they should be bulging. He’s lost a lot of blood, so I have to move quickly. 

I quit wasting time and opt for the largest most obvious vein on his inner arm where it bends. When I poke him with the IV catheter, he flinches and sucks in a breath. 

I take a quick glance up at his face but hold his arm steady, “Don’t move Cadet, this should be nothing compared to the blade that caused that wound at your side.” I order.

I look back down to thread the IV into the vein in his arm I’m holding, but I hear him make soft sounds of discomfort, awakening. 

“Yes.. ma’am,” he says, but all resignation and no hint of flirtation as like with the Rider that brought him in. 

I look back up at him, having secured the IV in place, but his eyes are closed. Damn, I didn’t get to see what color they were. 

I get the fluids set up to start infusing into him and hopefully resuscitate him a bit. I cut away the rest of his clothing that covers his top half, trying not to let his muscular form distract me from my work. 

I place the back of my hand to his chest, it’s warm, but his extremities are cold from all the blood rushing to his core to keep his vital organs going. His chest heaves up and down with shallow breaths under my hand. I steal a glance up to his face. His eyes still closed.

I bring the back of my hand to his cheek to feel his temperature there, and his eyes flash open, our gazes collide.

Oh dear, Amari, help me. His stunning sky blue eyes put my own gray blue to shame. 

I inhale sharply, and quickly come up with something to say. 

“Cadet, are you in any pain?” I ask. Even though the phrasing is stupid it’s standard rhetoric for healers, of course he’s in pain with that wound.

One corner of his mouth lifts weakly in a smile, causing a dimple to form on the side of his face where my hand lays “Not anymore,” I snatch my hand back. 

And there’s the flirty rider rhetoric from him. But I can’t help but feel my cheeks flush pink a little bit.

His smile widens causing him to cough slightly, clutching his abdomen and groaning in response to the movement. 

I smile now, “I think you’d better rethink that answer, Cadet..”

“Mairi…” he says, “Cadet Liam Mairi,” as I start rummaging in the cart next to his bed again. I search for the right vile of tincture for pain. 

“Well Cadet Mairi, I suggest you open wide, and lift that coquettish tongue of yours,” I say holding the dropper filled with tincture, and just a hint of flirtation myself. 

What the fuck am I saying? 

He smiles fully, and a twin dimple forms on his other cheek. He snatches my wrist holding the tincture. “Wait, at least tell me your name before you knock me out!?” 

I press my lips to prevent a further smile from growing on my own face. 

“Cadet Blair, I’ll be the one primarily taking care of you while you’re here in the infirmary.” I say matter of factly. 

“Cadet… what Blair?” he asks, smirking and still holding onto my wrist.  

My heart stutters a bit, damn is he gorgeous. I break my wrist from his grasp and move towards his mouth again. He obliges and lifts his tongue, the motion making my stomach flutter. I drop three drops of the tincture beneath his tongue.

“Healer Cadet Isla Blair,” I answer, although I don’t know why.

 
He closes his eyes, the tincture taking an immediate effect. He sighs, “Isla…” and damn if I don’t want to run my thumb across his lower lip sighing my name. 

He drifts off into sleep once again. 

Oh. Shit. 

This is going to be a long few weeks. 

Chapter Text

I fasten the last pin in my hair, pinning my hair up into a bun while getting ready for my shift in the infirmary. I pinch out the front pieces of my hair from the bun, letting the curled strands frame my face. There’s not much I can do about the uniform to make the apron over my collared shirt and pale healer blue skirt more appealing, but, my hair? That I can do. 

I gaze at my own reflection in the mirror. What in Amari’s name am I doing? I should not be preening for a patient. 

Especially one who looks to be as treacherous with those eyes the color the sky and that jawline...

Nope. Nope, stopping right there. 

I sigh frustratedly. This will have to do. I don’t know what I’m hoping for anyways. He’s a rider, and they’re all the same. Just living life as if they might die the next day, because they very well might. No future plans, just now. Not my style. 

I head out into the hallway and find Brielle just coming out of her room. Her amber orange hair is swept in a low bun, no tendrils, unlike mine. 

“Hey! You ready to go?” I ask her cheerily. 

She cocks an eyebrow at me, “I see you are, and in a good mood now are we?”

I try not to blush but I feel my cheeks warm. “Am I not usually in a good mood?” I try to deflect. 

“No. Not one bit. You’re not a morning person. And I strictly remember, at the beginning of the year, you telling everyone not to speak to you before ten o'clock in the morning.” She shoulder bumps me as we walk side by side. 

“That does sound like something I’d say,” I half mutter to myself. “But can people not change? Maybe the early hours are finally growing on me… after a year in the quadrant.” I say and don’t even convince myself of it one bit. 

She giggles, we pass other healer cadets heading to their assigned duties for the day in the stone halls. “I think someone is looking forward to seeing her handsome rider cadet today,” she says in a sing-song voice. 

I side-eye her and scoff, “I don’t know who you could be talking about. I only know of one rider in my care, and he’s handsomely annoying.” Not convincing myself one bit again. It’s partially true, he annoys me with his constant questions all day. “How did you sleep? What’s your family like? What are you doing tonight? Seeing anyone special?” I tighten my lips so as not to smile. 

It’s her turn to scoff, “You know I never pegged you for a liar, Cadet Blair.”

We enter the infirmary, “Have a good day, Cadet Glasson.” I call to her as I walk away heading towards the back of the infirmary where my single room assignment resides. 

I hear her scoff behind me again, “I’m sure you’ll have a good day, Cadet Blair.” she mutters. 

I hold in the smile that threatens to turn the corners of my mouth upwards. I reach the door to the single room and turn the knob. 

“Good morning Cadet Blair, how did you sleep?” he asks as I walk in, and I can’t help but notice his hair tousled adorably in morning bedhead. 

I school my expression. “Always with the questions, Cadet Mairi, You’re the patient, I’m the healer. I should be the one asking the questions.” I gather my instruments to take his vital signs including a thermometer. “How did you sleep, Cadet Mairi?”

“Not bad,” he lifts his tongue so I can place the thermometer I hold heading towards his mouth. Gods, that tongue again. “Mostly because I had a dream of you.” the thermometer bobs up and down as he speaks. 

My heart skips a beat, but I don’t let it show as I place the blood pressure cuff around his arm. “Oh? More like a nightmare of me putting more stitches into you?” I don’t meet his face and place my stethoscope in my ears. 

“Not even close.” he smirks. 

“Quiet.” I chastise and begin to pump the cuff with air and listen to take his blood pressure. When I finish, I take the thermometer out of his mouth, trying not to linger my gaze on his lips, then take off the blood pressure cuff. I hang my stethoscope around my neck and turn to put away my instruments.

“Tell me, do you dream of me , Cadet Blair?” a dimple reveals on his smirking cheek. 

I drop the thermometer, picking it up and letting out an irritated sigh. “Okay, Cadet Mairi. New rule. You get twenty questions a day, and you’re down to eighteen.”

He scoffs, “But you haven’t answered a single one!” he protests, “If I’m limited on questions, you should be required to answer the ones I do get to ask.” 

I sigh again, and flutter my eyelids to prevent myself from rolling my eyes. “Fine. Yes I slept well. And no I do not dream of you, Cadet Mairi.” I turn away and return my instruments to the side table by the door. 

He smiles and winks, “Yet.”

I shoot him a glare, “Eighteen.” He grins and picks up a half formed wooden dragon in his lap and a small knife and starts carving. 

I gasp and my eyes go wide as I march over to him, snatching the knife from his hand. “ WHO let you have a knife!?” my voice goes shrill. I’m going to kill Cadet Sullivan, I’m pretty sure he was on duty last night. 

“Hey!” he protests as I hold the knife above him, “What? Like I’m going to stab myself?! And how many questions is that for you now, Cadet Blair?” 

“You’re down to fifteen.” I deadpan and turn away, adding the knife on the same small table by the door holding my instruments. 

His smile falls. “Rhetorical questions don’t count, and again you did not answer a single one.”

I smile wryly, “No weapons are allowed while healing, Cadet Mairi. And I am not limited on questions, seeing as they are required for my job.” I lift my chin and walk back towards him. “You’re up to seventeen. Now show me those stitches.” I grab a tray of wound care supplies from the table beside his bed, placing it on the rolling tray table beside his bed.  

He rolls his eyes, “I change my mind, I like Cadet Sullivan better.”

“We all have our preferences, no judgment.” a hint of teasing in my tone while I scoot over a rolling stool with my foot. 

His cheeks turn slightly pink, “That’s not..! I didn’t mean…” he stammers. 

I plop down on the stool and raise an eyebrow, “Stitches.” 

He inhales and blows a raspberry, pulling down his blankets to reveal his abdomen. “So serious, what’s a guy gotta do to have some fun around here?” 

I meet his eyes and tilt my head with a warning look, but before I can speak his eyes go wide, “Rhetorical!!” he exclaims. 

I can’t help but smile and hold back a laugh. I shift my eyes down to his side where the dressing covers the stitches holding his wound together. I put on a pair of fresh gloves and take off the dressing, tossing it into the small bag for trash taped onto the side table. I line the side of the bed with an absorbent pad to catch the sterile water I’ll be saturating the wound with to clean it. I keep my eyes down on my work so not to blush, I know he’s watching my face as I work. 

I start to clean the wound, there’s minimal drainage and no signs of infection, perfect. 

One of my wispy, supposed to be sexy, tendrils of hair falls at the front of my face. It falls into my field of vision and gets caught on my eyelashes. Shit , maybe not such a smart choice now was it Isla?  My hands are gloved and I can’t compromise my clean technique nor get blood in my hair by brushing it back. I opt for blowing a small puff of air, trying to at least get it unstuck from my lashes so it doesn’t scratch every time I blink. 

His hand lifts from the corner of my vision, the one with his relic tattoo winding up his arm on it. He brushes the tendril of hair behind my ear. His fingertip slowly grazing down the back of my ear and lingering at my jawline, threatening to send icy shivers down my spine. I look up and meet his eyes.

“Thank you.” I lick my lips and press them together, as if to moisten them, to hide my nervous habit of biting my lip. 

He winks, “Anytime.”

I roll my eyes. “You are a shameless flirt.” I scold.

“So I’m told.” He smiles revealing his dimples and looks up, clearly not thinking of this particular conversation. 

And now I really do bite my lip. Maybe that’s all this is, a bit of flirty fun for him. Something he’s done hundreds of times before. 

“Why do you do that? When you bite your lip…what are you thinking about?” our gazes collide and he has his eyes narrowed in on me.

“I’m focusing.” I try to recover quickly. “And that should be fifteen, Cadet, but I’ll allow sixteen given my answer should suffice for both.” 

He laughs, and gods does my heart sing, but then he winces, “Ouch”

I tisk and nod my head disapprovingly. Patting the wound dry with gauze while he’s in momentary pain anyways. 

“If I’m to get answers, Cadet Blair, they should at least be honest ones.” He replies. 

“That was never part of the rules.” I apply the new dressing onto his wound and try to hide my smirk.

“And you’re the only one who gets to make the rules of this game?” he asks, his voice sounding a little breathy. 

“Yes. Now that’s fifteen.” 

He groans in annoyance. I chuckle and pick up my tray of dirty supplies, heading out the door to dispose of it. 

“Get some rest, Cadet Mairi, and I’ll be back with your tincture for pain.”

“I’d like my knife back, Cadet Blair!” He calls after me. 

“And I’d like my workspace not to be covered in wood shavings, Cadet Mairi!” I grab the handle of the door, shutting it with one hand. 

“Oh I’ll let you get to work right here, alright” I catch him mutter suggestively before I get the door all the way closed. 

I stop in my tracks, and push the door back open a foot abruptly, the instruments rattle on my tray. “I’ve changed my mind, you’re down to fourteen.”  

He groans again, “I thought this was the Healer’s Quadrant, isn’t it? I’m being bored to death!” he complains. 

“And so it is, Cadet Mairi. Thirteen!” I say in a half-sing song voice and shut the door.

I hear him groan loudly from the other side and I laugh. I turn and face the rest of the infirmary, I catch Brielle’s eye from across the room, smirking at me.

I press my lips together tightly, and quickly turn and walk to the side of the infirmary to avoid her judgment and dispose of my items. This is just a bit of banter, and I can have fun, right? Only actions talk, and I won’t let these fatal fantasies get the best of me.

Chapter Text

“Ah! There’s my favorite Healer Cadet!” he exclaims as I walk in.

I give him a half-hearted smile, and it doesn’t reach my eyes. Violet Sorrengail sits beside his bed, clutching his hand. She looks breathtakingly beautiful with that hair, and dangerously menacing with the daggers lining her sides. No doubt she gave Liam a new knife for his wood carvings. 

“Really now? I thought that title had been granted to Cadet Sullivan.” I sneer. 

“She jokes,” he looks me in the eyes but says to Violet, “We joke and play games like that, don’t we Cadet Blair?” he says suggestively. 

I smile politely but keep my tone flat, “Nineteen.” 

“Rhetorical.” He counters. 

Violet scrunches her eyebrows, looking confused and looking back and forth between Liam and I. 

“We play this game called Twenty Questions. But it doesn’t count if the question is rhetorical, now does it, Cadet Blair?” He explains. 

“Correct. Now that one wasn’t rhetorical, the nineteen withstands.”

His smile falls and he tilts his head, “You tricked me.” he accuses. 

I shrug, “You fell for it.” 

Violet chuckles. “Okay, I’ll get out of your way Cadet Blair. Listen to her, Liam! Hurry up and get better, we miss you out there.” 

“Oh, it’s we that misses me, is it now?” he teases and wiggles his eyebrows.

She laughs, and my heart sinks. 

“Go easy on this one now, would ya, Liam? Some people, like Cadet Blair here, don’t appreciate your specific style of humor.” she shoots him a glare, and he looks back at her knowingly. 

And my heart sinks just a little more. 

They’re silent for just a moment too long, clearly sharing some unspoken inside meaning. 

“Thank you, Cadet Sorrengail, for reeling in my patient. My time management will appreciate it.” I smile at her, breaking the moment.

“Of course, Cadet Blair. Thank you for taking such great care of my friend,” she smiles back, then whips her head back to Liam. “Even if he is a shameless flirt.” she reprimands.

Oh, so that’s who he was thinking about when I had called him the same name. If even possible, my heart sinks even a little more. 

“Do I have to deal with blows from the both of you!? I’m supposed to be healing, not under attack!” he throws up his arms as he grumbles. 

I smirk and cross my arms, “There’s a joke to be made there, Cadet Mairi. And that’s eighteen.”

His eyes go wide and a rosy hue starts to creep up his neck to his face. Violet bursts out cackling in laughter, doubling over and clutching her abdomen. Liam rolls his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh. 

“Fuck me,” he mutters half under his breath. 

When Violet recovers, tears nearly in her eyes, she says, “I take it back Liam, you seem to have met a woman that can withstand your specific style of humor. I’ll leave you in good hands. Oh! Another joke to be made!” she exclaims and starts cackling again. 

I let my chest heave with laughter but don’t make a sound. Pressing my lips together, I hide my smile with the back of my hand. Liam looks miserable and just about beet red.

Violet gets up to leave, and passes me on her way out the door, still laughing. 

“ Goodbye Violet! Please don’t visit again!” He calls. 

I raise an eyebrow at him when he finally looks at me. “You didn’t answer that question, so it doesn’t count.”

I smile and pick up my tools by the door, “I’ll let that one slide, since I can’t answer for Cadet Sorrengail and an answer would require consent on both our parts.”

He groans and covers his face with his hands. “I think I’m rubbing off on you.”

“Another joke?” I raise an eyebrow again and smirk while putting the blood pressure cuff on his arm. 

“Damn Cadet Blair!” He laughs, “What’s gotten into you today?” his eyebrows hitting his hairline.

I sigh and put my stethoscope in my ears, raising my eyebrows suggestively as well. “Damn Cadet Mairi, you’re just making it too easy.”

He half snorts, and laughs with his whole body. “So she does swear?” he says. 

“She does.” I reply, biting my lip and looking down at the cuff.  

I’m actually charming him, aren’t I?

He looks to my lips and settles down, looking between my lips and my eyes. “There it is again,” he says, giving me a knowing look. I ignore him. “ Has something gotten into you?” he asks, raising his eyebrows again.  

I drop my expression and side eye him, “Quiet.” and begin to inflate the cuff and listen. I get his blood pressure and take note of it. “I’m not satisfying that last one with an answer so that’s eighteen, and now seventeen from before.” 

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head and biting the inside of his cheek. “You didn’t answer before ,” he whines. 

I smile softly but don’t meet his gaze, “Maybe you are rubbing off on me, Cadet Mairi.” 

A coy smile spreads on his face with a twinkle in his eye, “Maybe I will if you’d give me the chance,” 

“Is there a question implied there?” I ask.

He smiles, and his expression softens away from the mischief a bit. “Only if it’s one you’ll answer.”

My heart flutters a bit. 

“Then the count stays at seventeen.” I say, “You’re not doing too shabby for almost ten o’clock Cadet Mairi, usually you’d be halfway blown through your question quota by now.” I try to reintroduce the mirthful tone. 

“Oh, I can last, trust me.” he winks. 

I drop my expression and hold out my palm towards him, my other hand at my hip. “Hand it over.”

He shoots his eyebrows up, “Oh, you’d like to test that theory here, now? Why Cadet Blair, I’m still recovering!” he feigns mock surprise, hand flying to his chest.

“The knife, Cadet Mairi.”

“I don’t know what you mean?” He slides his hands underneath the blankets beside him. 

“Give me the knife I know Cadet Sorrengail gave you.” I flick my fingers towards myself in a ‘give me’ motion. 

“Come on! You gotta let me have some form of entertainment!”

I sigh. “You can have knife privileges when you can last any hour without making some suggestive comment, how about that?”

“Oooh another game? Are those the only privileges I’ll get?” He grins and sits up straight a little in bed.

“Yes and yes. Because I’m sure you’ll lose anyways. What are we down to now… fifteen?”

He groans. And pulls out the small black knife from underneath the left side of his covers.

I smile wryly as he hands it to me, closing my grasp around it. “And I thought you just said you were still recovering and not ready for privileges, Cadet Mairi?”

He raises an eyebrow, “You want to test that theory?”

“Not a chance.” I reply and turn away from him, “That’s fourteen, Cadet Mairi!” I call back as I head for the door.

He groans again and hits the side of bed near his hips with his hands. “You’re tricking me, Cadet Blair!! That doesn’t count!” 

“You’re falling for it, Cadet Mairi. And I’ll be the judge of what counts ” I turn back and say with the door half shut, smirking.

His eyes widens and he smiles with a scoff, “ Gods, what has gotten into you today?”

I move to close the door, holding back a laugh. Fuck if I know. 

“I’m falling for you, ” I swear I hear him mutter under his breath before the doors closes all the way. 

I don’t let myself hope, hope is a fickle thing. 

Bonus Scene: Ridoc’s POV

Violet walks over to our squad’s table for breakfast, grinning from ear to ear. Rhiannon spots her, “What’s got you grinning so much? I take it our favorite blonde is healing well?” 

“ Oh is he now,” she swings her legs over the bench taking a seat across from Rhi next to Sawyer. “You guys should see it, this Healer Cadet is besting him at his own flirty game.”

I stop chewing and let my jaw drop, Rhiannon side eyes me and lifts my chin closed with the back of her hand. 

“You mean that gorgeous brunette with the steely blue eyes that we took him to!?” I glance at Sawyer. He tightens his lips and raises his eyebrows. He remembers too. 

Violet smirks, “I’m assuming so. She’s beautiful, and brunette. And she makes jokes, not only did she make a blowjob reference but also a threesome reference! Liam was beet red!!” she laughs, clapping her hand to her chest while looking up at the ceiling, remembering whatever joke they shared. 

I almost choke on my waffle. “A threesome reference? Between you, her, and Mairi?!”  Waffle bits fall onto my plate. 

Rhiannon smacks my shoulder, “Gross!! Ridoc,”

I swallow. “Actually, I’d say that’d be pretty hot.” The rest of the table bursts in laughter while Rhiannon rolls her eyes. 

“Eat your waffle, Gamlyn.” 

“Ridoc would like to eat her waffle.” Sawyer mutters under his breath. 

Violet gasps and whips her head back and forth between Sawyer and I. “No way, Ridoc!? Do you have a real thing for this healer cadet too?”

I glare at her, “What do you mean too?” I whine. 

Her and Rhiannon both gasp and smile, “Awwww Ridoc’s got a cruu-uuush!” they say in sing-song unison. Sawyer chuckles, holding his fist to his mouth.

I grumble and roll my eyes. “You guys are really ruining the vibes of my breakfast here.”

“Don’t worry, Ridoc,” Violet points at me with her fork. “Liam doesn’t do long term, and she would never fuck a patient. You’ll have your chance at the Reunification Day celebration.”

I roll my eyes, “Great, can’t wait to compete with golden boy,” I grumble and stuff another piece of waffle in my mouth.  

The Reunification Day celebration can’t come fast enough.

Chapter Text

“How exactly am I supposed to trust you getting me out of bed when I’m exactly a foot taller than you?”

I stand at the side of his bed, with a set of crutches, just in case. He stares at me incredulously, sky blue eyes wide. 

“Sixteen.” I answer, “And would you quit whining and just do as I say. You’ll be fine, I won’t let you fall.”

“Don’t I know it.” he grumbles under his breath.

“What was that?” I snap, pretending not to hear and think about the double meaning that could be behind that comment. 

“Nothing! Let’s just get this over with, it’s going to hurt like hell.” he grumbles and begins shoving away the blankets. He’s already dressed in lounge attire, suitable enough for walking around the infirmary. Thank Amari that Cadet Sullivan helped him get dressed before I got here so I wouldn’t have to deal with that part. Right? 

I place the crutches leaning against his bed when I spot something black and shiny from the corner of my eye. 

“What is this!?” I exclaim as I snatch the small black knife and a half wooden carving of a dragon from underneath his blankets.

He flashes me a grin, “Oh no,” he puts his hands up in mock surrender, “Wouldn’t you like to reprimand me about having a weapon while healing instead of this torture you have planned for me?” he says in a fake whining tone. 

I narrow my eyes at him, “You’re stalling, Cadet. You’re not getting out of this one. Though I will greatly miss the pleasure of your company, you will need to get up and walk out of this infirmary one day, soon.” I say heavy with sarcasm, but the words couldn’t be more true.

I can’t remember what my day used to look like without Liam Mairi in it. 

“So you’re saying, you’ll miss me?” his eyes seem to smirk at me.

I roll my eyes, “What are we down to now, fourteen, Cadet?”

He groans, “Cadet Blair, we’ve been at this for weeks. You know the rules, you. have. to. answer. Are you going to miss me?”

I lick my lips and purse them to stop myself from biting them nervously, “You. are. stalling. Cadet Mairi. And I won’t wait here all day.” 

He cocks his head to the side, “And if I do as you say, will you answer my question?”

“Maybe. Thirteen.” I smirk.

He scoffs, “You’re such a cheater! You can’t count a question thats asking if you’ll answer my question!” 

I laugh, “Okay fine! How about, if you do as I say, I’ll answer your question and credit you two more.”

The corner of his mouth lifts, revealing his dimple there. “Deal.”

“Alright, let’s go. No more wasting time. First things first, sit over here at the side of the bed.” I motion to the side of the bed closest to me and pocket the knife and wood carving in my apron. 

“Say that again, but just that last part and I’ll consider it.” he winks at me. 

My cheeks threaten to flush and I tighten my lips between my teeth to stop myself from laughing. “We had a deal, Cadet Mairi.”

“Ugh!” he groans and throws the rest of the blankets off, revealing his legs.

“Don’t!” I start to protest but it’s too late. He quickly swings his legs over the side of the bed towards me in one swift motion. And then nearly doubles over in pain. 

Now I groan in annoyance as I catch him by his shoulders as he doubles over, his head nearly landing right in my chest. Good thing I’m wearing an apron. That’s a good thing, right?

“You didn’t think that one through, now did you Cadet?”

“No. But I can’t complain about the view.” he says as he slowly lifts his head from my chest to my eyes. His sky blue eyes glinting with mischief. 

All the air gets sucked out of my lungs, and I can’t help but need to take a breath. Breathing makes my chest heave, which only causes him to glance downward quickly and making the situation worse. That’s worse, right?

I hear the sound of my own teeth as I clench my jaw, schooling any reaction. I force my face to stay expressionless, but I think my coloring betrays me and I officially feel myself flush. 

“Cadet Mairi.” I scold, meaning to sound more chastising, but it comes out breathy.

Dimples form on either side of his cheeks, “Just say it, say you’ll miss me.”

Gods the tension between us feels palpable, can he feel it too? Or is it just always there with him between everyone, with that dimpled smile. I could say it. I could say I’ll miss him. I could slide my hands up from his shoulders to caress his face right now. And kiss him.

But then what? I’d get a taste of heaven, just for it to be gone the next breath. 

“You need to fulfill your part of the deal, first.” I get out forcing my teeth to unclench. 

He smiles, slow and wry. “Can’t wait to hear your answer Cadet Blair.”

“Eyes up, Cadet. And put your hands on my shoulders for leverage.” I say taking my hands off his shoulders and leaving them about waist high. I’m ready to push him back onto the bed in case he starts to wobble. 

“Put my hands where?” He hovers his hands on the sides of my shoulders, threatening to bring them lower. 

“Shoulders! Twelve.” I grab his hands and place them on my shoulders firmly. The touch sending shivers down my arms from my fingertips. 

I dare to look in his eyes, and his eyes are shining brighter than the sun. 

I take another deep breath, steadying myself.

“Okay now, scoot closer so your feet are fully planted on the ground.” 

“I’m 6’3”, my feet are fully on the ground” he smirks.

I half roll my eyes, “Just scoot closer towards me.”

He does so, bringing me standing between his legs, and we’re dangerously close once again. I step sideways so that one of my legs is outside of his and the other remains between. 

“Aww you didn’t say you’d move further away from me when I did.” He whines.

“You are the King of stalling, Cadet Mairi. Now are you ready?” 

He tilts his head, leaning closer into me. “Foooorrrr?” He asks drawing out the word.

“Standing! On my count, you’ll stand and push down on me for leverage.” My tone is getting more and more annoyed. We could be done with this closeness by now if he wasn’t stalling so much. But then we’d be done with the closeness. 

“I’ll push what into you?” His expression fakes surprise. 

I take a step back and his hands fall off of me down to my sides. “That’s it. I’m switching assignments with Cadet Dyre for the day.” 

The slightly greater distance between us already starts to cool my blood. I think I might actually mean that. I can’t let him make me come undone.

“No! Hey!” He reaches out and grabs my hands as I start to turn away. “I’m sorry. Okay, I’ll behave.”

He looks up at me, pleading with his eyes. 

I raise my eyebrows, “Promise?” 

He smiles but genuinely, “Promise.” He pulls me back towards him, “I don’t want you to go.” He slides his hands up, back to my shoulders, and I immediately miss them holding mine. 

“Okay, on my count,” I nod and he mirrors my action, “1…2…3!”

He stands, but not without groaning through it. He pushes down on my shoulders, my hands hover at his waist, ready to steady him at any minute.

“Gods you’re barely taller than Violet!” He half growls through his clenched teeth. 

“Breathe, Cadet Mairi.” I look up at him, and his gaze bores into me as he takes deep steadying breaths through the pain. 

I stutter for something to say to break the tension. 

“You two are close, aren’t you?” I ask. 

His mouth quirks into half a smile, “We’re… she’s my…. I’m her…” 

“It’s okay you don’t owe me an explanation, Cadet Mairi, I was just making an observation” I shake my head and break my gaze from his. In truth, I’m not sure if I want to hear the full explanation. Maybe ignorance is bliss. Maybe in another week or so he’ll leave from here and I’ll never see him again. Maybe it’ll just be a small thing that happened. But I have this peculiar feeling that it won’t.

“No! It’s fine! We’re friends. That’s all,” he slightly squeezes with his grip on my shoulders.

I decide to go back to torturing him. “Okay, are you ready to go for a walk?” 

He groans and I can’t help but smile. Our gazes collide and he softens, “Okay, but only if I get to keep holding onto you. For support, that is.”  

I roll my eyes, “I guess I’ll allow it.” he smirks, and a dimple forms on his cheek. 

My heart stutters, and I turn so we’re standing side by side, his arm around my shoulders. I put my arm around his waist, holding onto the side of his waist that isn’t injured. 

“Ready?” I ask him.

“Let’s get this over with.” he grumbles.

“Cadet Mairi, are you so eager to get your hands off me already?” I tease.

He laughs, then doubles forward a little, “ Don’t make me laugh right now, Cadet. You really are out to torture me.”

We take a few small steps forward, “Now Cadet Mairi, I’m sworn by the Code of Chricton to never harm a beating heart.” 

He exhales, “So you promise not to break my heart then, Cadet Blair?”

I side eye him and catch him watching me. We walk into the main room of the infirmary now, passing by other riders and infantry in beds. 

“What is that now? Eleven? Not too shabby, Cadet.”

He exhales a laugh again, “You know the drill, Cadet Blair, you have to-”

“Answer, I know.” I finish his sentence for him in a half groan. “Although, I don’t know why I’d need to answer since the question would be impossible anyways. As if I’d ever have your heart to hold in the first place.” I say half under my breath so the other cadets don’t hear. 

“You’d be surpri-” he starts to reply but is cut off when a few riders walk through the door. 

“Liam! Look at you! Our favorite blonde, up and outta bed walking. Soon you’ll be back to kicking ass on the sparring mat!” Rhiannon Matthias says walking over to us with a wide smile. 

Sawyer Henrick and Ridoc Gamlyn flank her on either side, Ridoc gives me a once over. “And would you look at you ,” he says suggestively as he does so. 

I smile at him but it’s more of a sneer. He winks at me. 

Rhiannon gives Liam a half-hug on the side of him that I’m not supporting, careful not to touch his side. 

“I trust your squadmates can take it from here?” I look to Cadet Henrick, and he slides in behind me to take my place. Rhiannon stands on his other side, and I can feel Ridoc checking me out in my peripheral vision. 

“Don’t drop him!” I call as they start to turn away. 

Ridoc starts to follow, walking backwards keeping his gaze on me and smirking. 

I roll my eyes and turn away. “Wait! Cadet Blair!” Liam calls and I turn back around, afraid something wrong happened. 

Liam looks over his shoulder at me, “We had a deal. You didn’t answer my question.” he raises his eyebrows at me. 

His squadmates exchange looks with each other, “Yes…” I start, and he starts to crack a smile. “You’re correct I didn’t. I guess your question quota is reset for the day, Cadet Mairi.”

His expression drops, and I turn around before he can argue with me. 

“You’re such a cheater! Cadet Blair!” he calls and his squadmates begin to chuckle.

I smile to myself. He doesn’t get to hear my truths if he’ll hide his behind jokes and flirty remarks.

Chapter Text

I dress slowly to kill time, I’ve been up since way before dawn. I couldn’t sleep, the cruel summer heat was stifling last night. I also couldn’t think of anything else besides when I wake in the morning it’ll be my last day in the infirmary with Cadet Mairi. He’s to be released back to classes. 

I simultaneously can’t wait for him to be gone so I don’t have to suffer through dodging his flirty twenty questions day by day and also don’t want him to go. The past few weeks have felt like a fever dream. I spend my days just about high on our flirty banter, and then the nights in anticipation for the next day to come. 

I head into the infirmary and his room, and find him already dressed and sitting at the side of his bed. 

“Cadet Mairi, ready to go back to flying high in the sky?” I say as I walk in the room, keeping it lighthearted.

He looks up at me and smiles. I gather my supplies to take his vitals and head over to face him. 

“I… I actually don’t know how I’ll function anymore without you counting my questions and keeping me in check.” There's no humor in his tone, and I don’t dare to look at him and see the expression on his face. I busy myself with putting on the blood pressure cuff and taking his vitals. When I’m finished I take my stethoscope out of my ears.

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” my chest tightens a bit. “You have plenty of friends to keep you in check.” I flash him a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. 

I take his wrist in between my fingers, measuring his pulse, and I find he’s holding something in his right hand that leads up to his relic. 

“Cadet Mairi,” I start to say in a warning tone, “What do you have there?” I raise an eyebrow disapprovingly.

His lips form a tight line, but his eyes glisten. 

“Now Cadet Blair, don’t get mad at me. But I have something for you.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “The fact that you just preluded that statement with ‘don’t get mad at me ’ means that there is a very high likelihood that I will.”

He cracks a grin, “Just, close your eyes, and hold out your hands.”

I scoff, “What?! Absolutely not!”

He laughs, “Please! Just trust me.” his sky blue eyes shine up at me. There’s no mischievousness in them, all genuine.

I sigh and do as he asks. The lack of sight and having him so close sending a shiver down my spine. He could do anything in this moment and I would have no warning. 

I feel him place an object in my hands and he encloses them with his own. It’s small and solid, but not like a rock that would be smooth. It has grooves and is oddly shaped. His hands linger holding mine as they’re enclosed holding the small object. 

I wish he would just pull me forward into him.

“Okay. Open.”

I open my eyes and look into his face first, he looks up at me, grinning. 

I raise a confused brow. “Open.” he repeats and urges my hands forward. 

I open my hands and look down into them. There, in the middle of my palms, is a small wooden carving of a rabbit. Its nose pointed upwards as it stands on its hind legs with its ears swept back. I take it between my fingers, smoothing the outline as if I’m the one sweeping its ears back. I can feel every small intricate carving that it took to create this level of detail. The tiny lines of the carvings even mimic fur on it. 

I feel my heart swell in my chest. The level of detail in this, the time it must have taken to make this in secret while I wasn’t monitoring him. The time he spent making this, for me , during which he must have been thinking of me the whole time. How he had to have someone sneak in the tools to create this after I had confiscated them from him time and time again. 

My throat chokes up, and I have no words. 

“How?” is all I can ask. 

He scoffs softly, I’m aware he’s still holding my hands in his. “I carved it of course.”

“No but… why?” I quickly reconsider the meaning of my question, “A rabbit… I mean.”

His grin turns more into a soft kind smile, “Well, I don’t know exactly. I just thought of what animal made me think of you. And rabbits are gentle and wise, but also quick and clever, like you. And they’re also lucky, right? So maybe giving you a bit of luck is the least I can do for you, after all that you’ve done for me these past few weeks.” 

The duality in how he describes me. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone verbalize how I’ve always felt, or, have had anyone notice me that closely before. Having spent most of my life caring for others, and now going into the profession of caring for others, I’ve always felt like I’m defined by how I provide for others, whatever that role may be. Daughter, sister, friend, healer, cadet. And everyone sees me for that title and not necessarily me . 

And all the while I was dodging his winks and flirty remarks, Liam Mairi was seeing me for me. 

I must be staring down at the small rabbit for a while because he urges my hands upwards with his, forcing me to meet his gaze, “Do you like it?” he asks.

I bite my lip and smile, “I do.”

He smiles in return and his dimples are fully showing on his face. “You’re not going to count that question, are you?”

I half chuckle, “No. I won’t. I think we’re done with the question quota now, Cadet Mairi. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you like it.”

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t think. I just act. 

I take my hands out of his, keep the rabbit enclosed in one hand, and throw my arms around his neck in an embrace. 

He lets out a laugh in surprise, but his arms find my waist and he hugs me back. He smells like pine and citrus. 

It hits me that I shouldn’t know what he smells like. I start to pull away, but he keeps a hold on me. 

“So now that I’m not limited on questions, Cadet Blair…” a wry grin begins to form on his face and he tilts his chin down so his eyes are looking up at me, knowingly. 

I roll my eyes, “What is it, Cadet?” I’ve still got a hold on his shoulders but there’s about a foot between us. 

He raises an eyebrow at me, “Are you going to miss me, Cadet Blair?” his tone, suggestive. 

The corner of my mouth raises into a smirk, “Wouldn’t you like to know, Cadet Mairi.” 

His jaw drops, and I giggle. “You have to answer! Cadet Blair!?” he exclaims.

I giggle almost maniacally, I’ve bested him until the end. 

“The game is over! Cadet Mairi!” I exclaim back. 

He glares at me slightly, “You tricked me.”  

I narrow my eyes, teasingly. “You fell for it.”

He bites his lip, and I refrain from biting my own. 

I step out of his grasp, and his hands fall to his sides on the bed. I pocket the rabbit in my apron and take a look about the room, looking for something to do but I find nothing. 

“Any more questions?” I ask in a slightly more professional tone. Genuinely asking, because he should know the instructions I’ve given him over the past few days and when he should return to get the stitches fully removed. 

“Just one,” a dimple forms on his cheek again, threatening to form into a full smirk.

“What is it, Cadet Mairi?” I tilt my head in warning. 

He grins a full smirk, “Do you think I’m handsome?” 

I scoff and roll my eyes, somehow controlling myself enough not to smile. “You know you’re handsome.” I answer.

“That doesn’t answer my question!” he protests, “I asked, do you think I’m handsome!?”

I turn away from him, picking up various supplies from the table beside his bed just for something to distract me. 

“The game is over! Cadet Mairi, I don’t have to answer your questions.” I hide my smirk from him but I can feel him watching me. 

“See? Clever, Cadet Blair. You never had to , you selectively chose when you would, and when you would deflect. Like you’re doing now.”

I turn around from collecting the various items and find him standing behind me, above me. Gods is he tall. I’ve been the one standing above him for weeks while he laid in that bed and I haven’t gotten used to seeing him at his full height.

“I’m not deflecting. Some questions are not worth answering. What does it matter what I think? My purpose here is done. What is it you want to hear?” I reply, half annoyed. 

What is it he wants to hear, I love you? There. Now isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?

He looks down at me, and the moment seems to last forever.

He licks his lips, “I-”

“Isla!” The sudden unexpected exclamation at the door calling my name makes me jump, and the supplies rattle on the tray that I’m holding in my hands. 

I break my gaze from his, and peer around him. Brielle’s standing half in and half out the door. 

“Could you come quick? We could use your help with this one.” her tone is rushed and there's a splatter of blood on her apron. 

“Of course,” I nod at her, and she dashes back out the door to whatever emergency is awaiting me. 

I set the tray back down on the side table, “Goodbye, Cadet Mairi. You’re free to go.” I tell him abruptly and take three quick strides out of the room.

I don’t look back to see his expression. Rabbits are quick too, right?

Chapter Text

I sigh as I take in myself in the mirror, anxiously tugging at every piece of me. The pale blue of the healer uniform is usually my color with the way it matches my eyes, but I’m so nervous I feel as if my dress uniform washes me out. I’m a nervous wreck because I know I’ll see him again. 

At least I hope I’ll see him again. The charming, flirty, drop dead gorgeous rider with the sky blue eyes that I helped heal for weeks after he got run through with a sword. 

Barbaric. Why anyone would willingly choose that death squad is beyond me. Except he didn’t choose it, no, because he’s a marked one. My chest aches thinking about what this celebration means for them. The day they all watched their parents die. 

I sigh again. “Isla, are you ready?” Brielle says to me as she peeks around the door. The Healer Blue dress brightens up her features and is a stunning contrast to her amber orange hair. 

“Yeah! Can you just tell me if I missed a curl in the back?” I turn my back to her and let her comb through my chocolate brown curls, searching for any lingering straight pieces that fall below a small braided crown beginning at my temples. 

She meets my eyes in the mirror with a smirk. “Someone’s a little worried how she’ll look before seeing a certain blonde rider again.” she teases drawing out the last word.

“Bri stop, you know the second he left the infirmary he went straight back to that silver haired Sorrengail.” I chew my lip in disdain. She really is beautiful, Violet Sorrengail, smart and surprisingly strong for her stature as well. Although she does land herself in the infirmary almost every other day, she’s magnificent. Something I could never compete against. 

Brielle scoffs, “Oh please! Everyone knows the scary Wingleader has laid claim to her, their dragons are mated and so are they, even if they don’t know it themselves.”

I see my own gray blue eyes soften with hope in the mirror. “We’ll see.” I say, and don’t let my head share my hope. 

20 minutes later we do see. And my hope is shredded. He’s here, surprisingly, he’s the only marked one here. You can’t really expect them to celebrate the day of their parent’s deaths like everyone else. But he’s here, and he’s with her. 

Her stunning silver hair braided into a crown on the top of her head. I didn’t want to make it too obvious that I envied her and opted for a smaller half-up version for myself. They’re arm in arm, her head on his shoulder, and everyone is looking at them . Scratch that, everyone is looking at him with distaste. 

My stomach churns to see it, and not out of jealousy. I spent enough time with him to know the relic peeking beneath the cuff at his wrist is by no means a sentiment to his character. No one that bad would spend hours and hours carving an intricate little rabbit for someone else as a thank you. 

Spending so much time with him, tending to his stitches at his side, at his beautiful side adjacent to his many abs. We learn about the human form while studying for the healer’s quadrant, but I never imagined humans were capable of really having that many abs. 

Gods what is wrong with me? This man is probably having one of the worst nights of his life being gawked at and I’m over here lusting after him.

My breath catches as he turns my way, his sky blue eyes glistening in the flicker of the mage lights. But he doesn’t see me, of course he doesn’t. 

He was charming and flirty, while I tended to him. Yes, he made me a wooden carving, but he was always fiddling with his little knife and carvings when I wouldn’t take them away from him. They’re all like that. 

They being Riders, that is. They all live everyday like it’s their last, because it very well might be, which makes them a particularly forward bunch. My stomach churns once again thinking about him with someone else, with another rider, with her . 

They’re chatting with Cadet Aetos, and he motions them to the doorway and they not so subtly slip out. I suck in a breath as they disappear, together.

Gods, what if it’s only all been in my mind?

“Isla, you okay?” Brielle tugs at my arm she has hooked around her own, following my gaze.

I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Yeah!” I say a little too squeaky. I clear my throat and blink away the tears that threaten to come. 

“Yes. I’m fine. Let’s go grab a drink before the Riders spike it with something borderline poison.” I tug her arm and lead her the opposite way from the spectacle. 

****

(Fourth Wing Intermission, page 405. Violet’s POV:

Once we’re out of the party and back in the Riders Quadrant, I walk straight into the courtyard and ground, letting power swirl around and through me. I sense the golden energy from Andarana, the blazing power from Tairn that connects me to Sgaeyl, and finally, the shimmering shadows of Xaden. 

I open my eyes, tracing the ebb and flow of that shimmering shadow, and I know he’s somewhere in front of me. 

“Liam, you know I adore you, right?”

“Well, that’s nice—“

“Go away.” I walk straight ahead through the courtyard. 

“What?” Liam catches up to me. “I can’t just leave you out here by yourself.”

“No offense, but I can fry this entire place with a lightning bolt if I want to, and I need to see Xaden, so go.” I pat his arm and keep striding toward the feeling, using it to guide me. 

“I mean, your aim is shit according to you, but I get the rest!” he calls out, falling behind. 

******

I lead us towards the refreshments table, weaving through countless bodies adorned in black, light blue, and infantry dark blue. Finally, after dodging several grabby hands, we end up in front of a stunning crystal bowl holding a mystery blue beverage that I pour into cups for Brielle and I. But when I look to my left, she’s been pulled away by an Infantry Cadet. She’s giggling as he brushes a strand of red curls behind her shoulder, revealing her Healer Quadrant patch underneath the small cape of our uniform. As if the light blue dress uniform wasn’t enough to reveal who she was. 

“ Figures..” I grumble to myself and toss back her cup of mystery liquid down my throat. The liquid stings on its way down, making me hiss. The Riders already got to this punch. 

“Looks like I wasn’t fast enough..” I say to myself.

“Fast enough for what?” a voice shocks me from behind, his voice. 

I spin around so quickly I cough from the sudden movement mixed with the sting of the spiked punch. 

“ FUCK me!” I hack out. 

He stands there behind me, completely unruffled and unflustered despite all the attention on him tonight. My heart clenches in my chest at the sudden sight of him so close. 

He chuckles and tilts his head with a smirk, “Thanks for the invite, Cadet Blair, but I think we should get reacquainted first.”

Dear Gods, Malek strike me down right here , I’m going to die on the spot from embarrassment. 

“ Lia… I mean, Cadet Mairi… I’m so sorry… you gave me a fright.. And the punch… is strong.” I stammer and look up into those heavenly sky blue eyes. Gods, he’s so tall, and handsome as hell. 

He smiles looking down, and his cheeks flush a little. I have to restrain myself from reaching up and feeling the flush of his cheeks with the back of my hand. It feels so odd and unnatural not being able to touch him when I practically did nothing but touch him for weeks… in the infirmary that is. 

But that was a Healer’s touch, and I’d like to do a lot more than that right about now. Whoa is this punch getting to me already?

“I think we were over that, you can call me Liam now, Cadet Blair.” he shoves his hands in his pockets and shoots me a ‘don’t you wish you had me’ grin. 

I bite my lip, and melt like a child. “ Liam, I just mean, I thought you escorted Cadet Sorrengail. I thought I saw you two leave just now… together.”

I try not to sound too disappointed or accusatory with my half observation, half question. Realization flashes across his face, and he chuckles again. 

“Violet?! No.. I mean yes, kind of. But it’s not like that, she’s with… actually, I’m not sure if she’s really with… anyways. We’re just friends.” 

I try to hold in my sigh, but my chest still heaves with relief. His eyes flicker down for a moment with the movement but he quickly recovers his gaze to meet my own. 

He’s not. With. Her. Even better… She's with someone else! But that doesn’t mean he thinks anything more of me. Even if he is attracted to me, that doesn’t mean he likes me. Violet and I both agreed he is a shameless flirt. 

“Oh, my apologies, that was a wrong assumption to make. You just talked about how you did everything together when you were in the infirmary, I just assumed you did… everything together.” 

Gods could I be more obvious and desperate?! 

His cheeks flush pink and he laughs, looking down and away again. I grab his forearm abruptly, stopping him from leaving if that was what he was going to do. And because I can’t help but touch him somehow. 

“Sorry! Sorry.. again.. I didn’t mean to suggest.. you just make me feel so… wow! Which one of you up-to-no-good riders spiked this punch?” I stammer and continue to take sips of my punch as if that will help calm my nerves and not make the situation worse.

He looks up at me again, and I’m heavenstruck. It’s simply not fair for those dark lashes to belong to a man. A blonde man. 

“That would probably be Cadet Gamlyn, if I know any better,” he laughs and nods toward the rider to my right who is holding two cups himself, with his arms around two fellow Healers. 

Liam takes the cup out of my hand and replaces it with his own hand. “Why don’t we get you some air, Cadet Bl— “

“Isla!” I cut him off and squeeze his hand, maybe a little too hard from my nerves. “You can call me Isla. If I get to call you Liam, you can call me Isla. I’m no longer your healer, it’s only proper.” I don’t think I’ve ever said my own name so many times in succession. I try to smile up at him if only to stop myself from vomiting all over his rider black boots. 

He draws me in closer, “Okay, Isla, this way.” he gleams and tugs me towards the same curtains he had just led Sorrengail through minutes ago.

Chapter Text

My heart stutters. I can’t believe this is really happening. I mean, what is really happening? He could just be taking me to be sent off home, back to the Healer’s Quadrant, where I might need some healing myself from this punch.  

He leads me down through the stone hallways and we end up on the bridge to the Rider’s Quadrant. The wind, blowing loose strands of my hair all around me. My attempted braid, not tight enough to hold it together. We stop in the middle of the bridge looking down at the ravine. I close my eyes and let the chill of wind cool my blood and my nerves. 

When I open them, he’s looking at me with a sort of soft curiosity. My nerves are too cold to start up again as he looks at me like that. 

“So how do I make you feel, Isla?” his eyes narrow on me, and the corner of his lip turns upwards, revealing his dimple on that side of his cheek.

I work up the courage to play along. “So we are playing the question game again, Cadet Mairi?” 

“It’s Liam! And only if you answer, remember?” He lifts a hand and brushes away a few tendrils of my hair and holds them behind my head, cupping the nape of my neck and pulling me a little bit closer.

“Well, you make me feel warmer right about now… in this wind.” I say not trying to reveal too much. I glance down to his lips, then try to cover it up by fixing the collar of his doublet. 

“Is that the only way I make you feel warmer?” He asks suggestively, toying with a loose curl. 

“Eighteen.” I count.

“You have to answer,” his voice is raspy. He tucks the loose curl behind my ear, and his hand lingers on my jaw. 

“No.” I reply simply, no quippy remark. His hands feel too good on me right now to let me think straight to come up with one. 

“I’ve missed you, Isla.” 

I want nothing more than to turn my head into his palm and kiss it. I try to think of what to say in response to that.

“You mean you miss me taking care of you?” I break the tension by joking, “How are you? By the way, how are your stitches?” I look down towards his wound and my lips brush the heel of his palm sending sparks of electricity down from my mouth to my molten core. 

I inhale sharply and pull back slightly, fearing I may be walking the edge of a cliff. 

He pulls his hand away, tucking it in his pocket and I immediately miss the warmth. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine, I’ve been meaning to stop by and get them out. But I’ve just been so busy catching up on three weeks worth of studies I’ve missed.”

Damn. We’re back to chit chat. I’m probably sending a million mixed signals his way. I desperately want him to kiss me, but I want him to kiss me because he feels the same way about me that I do about him. And I’m not sure that he does. I’m not sure if rider’s are even capable of having those kinds of feelings, given that they might just be heartbroken when the other person dies the next day. 

“I could take a look for you,” I try again to reestablish some closeness, “I mean, might as well since you have me here.” I find myself saying, trying to reestablish closeness the only way I know how. 

He smiles, borderline coy and kind. “Since I have you.” he repeats. 

I smile back with a nod, pretending not to consider the double meaning of that statement. Gods, I’ll pay the price for being lovestruck, and he won’t.

“Okay, follow me.” he says, taking my hand in his again. 

How the riders make sense of this stony maze I’ll never know. But minutes later we’re at the door of what I assume to be his room. I stand half behind him, half beside him, still holding his one hand as he uses the other to do a twist motion in the air and unlock the door using lesser magic.

Even though it’s just lesser magic, it still takes me back and is impressive to see. Healers are not menders, we do not use magic, only herbs and tinctures to do our own “magic”. 

He leads me into his room, and I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe a dungeon? But it’s not what I expected. The room consists of a single bed all in rider black, with plenty of weapons on a rack to one side of it. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, they all end up in the infirmary with wounds somehow. 

He ended up with that wound somehow.

“So this is it.” he says gesturing to the room that seems barely tall enough to give his headspace a few inches. 

“Right,” I clear my throat, damn nervous ticks. “I suppose just undress and lay down on the bed.”

He cocks an eyebrow with a smirk. “Why Cadet Blair, are you trying to get me into bed so soon?”

“Top only! That is. And that’s seventeen. ” I snap and I can feel my cheeks flush with warmth.

His chest heaves like he’s chuckling but makes no sound, “For now,” he says barely under his breath as he shrugs off his jacket draping it on the back of his desk chair. I suppose being in the comfort of his room and away from prying, accusatory eyes has made him bolder. 

“You’d quiet that coquettish tongue of yours if you knew what’s good for you,” I chastise him, I don’t know where that hint of flirtiness came from.

“I could use this coquettish tongue of mine to show you what’s good for you ” his face is full-smirk and his eyes bore down into me as he begins to unbutton his shirt. 

“Cadet Mairi!” I give him a light shove at his chest but only make myself stumble. 

“Hey! I thought we were on a first name basis!?” he laughs. 

“You called me Cadet Blair, first . And that’s sixteen.” I shrug off the little decorative cape around my shoulders, tired of the formalities. 

I catch him biting his lip from the corner of my eye as I untuck my hair from the cape. My half up braid comes undone with the motion. 

“Using your first name is a privilege, and that all depends on how well you behave.” I say and fold the cape and place it on top of his desk. I run my hands through the front of my hair loosening up the strands that were braided. 

He shrugs off his own shirt and drapes it over the desk chair that is now directly behind me, subsequently stepping forward into my space. I look up into his eyes, too afraid to look down just yet. 

“And if I misbehave?” He asks, and there’s just the hint of the smirk on his lips. I make the mistake of looking at his lips and making myself blush.

“Then I might not be so delicate taking those stitches out,” I smirk, “And that’s fifteen. You’re dropping quickly, Cadet Mairi.” 

He grins, “And what if I don’t want you to be delicate?”

My stomach betrays me and I feel a swarm of butterflies there, or bees. “We’re staying at fifteen as that doesn’t warrant an answer.” 

“Fine,” he takes a step back and sits onto the small single bed. “All behaving over here.” he says, putting his hands up in faux surrender.

I turn away from him and grab an inkless quill from his desk, using it to pin my hair up so I can work. 

“Fine,” I say, moving forward, kicking off my formal dress heels and kneeling before the bed. His eyes widen just slightly. “Lay down.” I say, and there’s no quippy remark as he does just that and kicks off his boots at the foot of the bed. 

He raises one arm behind his head, exposing the side that’s wounded. And Gods there’s that position that undoes me again, making him look sexy as his bicep perfectly flexes with the motion. 

I look down at the wound before he can catch me staring. How many weeks did I spend gazing at this body and it still doesn’t seem to less than amaze me? 

He shifts slightly and my focus snaps back to reality. I look down at the wound, it’s clean, and the stitches look ready to come out. I don’t have the tools with me though. I didn’t think this through entirely.

“Yup! It’s looks good. I don’t have the right tools though… I do have a salve on me so that it doesn’t scar up too bad.” I say as I reach for my clutch where I have a small tin of healing salve in it, keeping my eyes anywhere but him.

“There’s a lot worse to worry about than scarring around here.” He says and props himself on one elbow to face me.

I find the salve, “lay back down or else I can’t get the whole thing from this angle” I say and he blows out a huff laying back down. I try to remain silent as I suck in a breath and imagine licking him from my current point all the way up to that bicep.

I’ve had too much to drink, or, just enough. 

I mentally lock that thought away. No. No. NO. I don’t do , just sex. I care too much about people for that. And who knows when I’ll ever see him again? If I’ll ever see him again? 

And that’s just it. That’s why riders fuck whomever and whenever they want, because there’s no guarantee of tomorrow. I’d love to think he’ll never forget me, and maybe I could do this under the one condition that he'll remember me. 

“You know..” he says, staring up at the ceiling, breaking me out of my internal crisis. “I don’t know how you guys do it,” I ignore his words and start to apply the salve. “You see so much pain, fix that pain, only for it to happen all over again. Spend all your time caring for other people…” 

I circumvent the salve around his waist down towards his lower abdominals when he lays his other hand on top of mine and my gaze collides with his, “but who’s left to care for you?” He gently squeezes my hand. 

“Fourteen. And well, certainly not riders, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I blurt out because I’m a little bit bitter. He’s right. Everyone cares for riders, healing them, feeding them information, defending them on the frontlines, but who cares for the rest of us? 

“I care,” he takes my hand up towards his mouth, “I care about you, Isla. And not because you heal me.” He says and gently kisses the palm of my hand.

I gasp at the touch of his kiss, slightly cooler than the rest of him. My breath catches, and I cup his cheek with the palm of my hand, brushing his lips with my thumb. 

“Did I mention I’ve missed you?” he murmurs against my touch.

“You might have… thirteen.” I barely get out above a whisper, and my mouth betrays me by breaking into a slight grin. 

He pulls me up by that hand so that I’m above him, and I have to swing my leg up over him to catch my balance, so I’m straddling him. My breath is ragged. It takes me a beat not to instantly want to press down and writhe against him like a cat. 

I can’t remember the last time I was in this position. And definitely never with a rider. Riders have a promiscuous reputation in other quadrants. But if they’re going to call me a slut, I might as well reap the benefits. What if, all I need is him?

Our faces are mere inches apart and I lean down so our noses brush. “I’ve missed you too Liam,” I inhale sharply, ready to take a risk. “I care about you too.” 

And then our lips collide.

Chapter Text

Amari can’t help me now, maybe I should take a page from the riders’ book. I can see how this ends as it begins, but nothing lasts forever, and this is getting good now. Too good to give up. 

He’s all over me and I lean down and moan into the kiss. He fists his hands into my hair, making it come undone from the quill that holds it and it falls around us on either side of our faces. I press down with my hips and run one hand through his hair as well to pull him closer. 

He moans and his mouth opens slightly, and I take my opportunity to deepen the kiss and slide my tongue to meet his. 

He bucks his hips up to meet mine, and I whimper. 

“ Liam,” I moan, but then pull away slightly so I can speak, “I don’t want to hurt you.” I say and glance down at his side.

He looks up, with a devilish grin. “You won’t hurt me Isla, not physically anyways.” 

I smile, as if that’s all the permission I need, and swiftly swoop down and envelope him in another kiss. He arches up his neck to meet my hungry kiss. 

Clothes. I have on too many clothes. And he barely has any. And it’s hot in here. 

I can let myself have this. I can be spontaneous and self-indulgent for once. For once, I can do what I want for myself, and not care about what other people think or want from me. Because all he wants from me right now is me.

I pull my hands away from his hair and start unbuttoning the top of my dress uniform. I sit up to shrug it over my shoulders and it slides onto the floor. I’m in my corset and stockings as his eyes rake my body up and down.

“ Fuck.” he groans and reaches a hand up to rake through his hair, his bicep doing that flex thing I love.

“Fuck yourself.” I say with a smirk and I spin around so he has clear view of the laces in the back. “I trust you can get this off?”

He sits up and brushes my hair off to one side over my shoulder. I can feel the heat of his breath on my neck, making my skin prickle. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” he practically growls and I gasp as I feel his mouth on the side of my neck, his fingers quickly working the laces. 

I lean back into his mouth and hook my hands around his neck. My corset falls away with the stretch and I trust he has a full good view from over my shoulder. He uses the opportunity to pull it up and over my head and his hands cup my bare breasts. I inhale sharply at the sensation and grind my hips down in return. 

I need more, I need more of him. 

He groans in return, “I’ve wanted nothing more the past few weeks than to finally get my hands on you.”

My heart sinks a little, and not in a good way. One moment, I can’t help but still want him to like me , the next, I couldn’t care less except that he keeps touching me. 

“Let’s pretend, just for tonight that, that’s not all you wanted” I say, a little breathy, trying to mask my disappointment. Gods, why can’t I just shut up and enjoy this. 

He drops his hands and I immediately regret my words.  I turn slightly to face him and see a somber look on his face. 

“Isla,” he says my name sincerely, “I really did miss you .” He cups the side of my face, and I turn fully around to face him. Oh gods, I can’t do this and not tell him that it means more to me than just sex.

“I’m sorry, Liam. I just can’t help but tell you that I like you more than I probably should before we do this.” I say and look down, avoiding his gaze.

He lifts my chin with the side of his pointer finger to meet his eyes. Gods those eyes. Like the Gods themselves dropped a piece of heaven in each of them.

“And who says you shouldn’t?” he asks while brushing his thumb across my bottom lip.

I sigh and glance down toward my discarded dress, “The Healer blue of my uniform, and..” I look down at his dress pants, still buttoned at his waist just below where the stitches end. “The Rider black of yours.” I say while looping my fingers in the belt loops of his pants, tugging slightly up with emphasis on rider black.

“Isla, I like you. For Dunne’s sake, I probably like you more than I should. It’s so cliché for a rider or infantry cadet to fall for their healer while hopped up on tinctures. But I did. Somewhere between you caring for me for weeks and keeping me in check, countering all my quick remarks, I fell for you. Man,” he runs a hand through his hair, “I fell utterly deep in a hole for you.” he brings his forehead to mine.

 “I didn’t realize it at first, but as I was leaving the infirmary, I thought, what am I going to do without seeing your face everyday? And I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.” he brushes my lips with his. 

“You really mean that?” I whisper into his lips. 

He smiles, softly, pleading with his eyes. “ Yes. I have not stopped thinking about you since I left the infirmary, you could confirm with Deigh if you could, he’s quite annoyed with me about it” he chuckles. “The thought of seeing you made going to that ridiculous celebration worth it. Hell, I was even looking forward to it.”  

I bite my lip, because I can’t help but satisfy my curiosity and doubts. “It wasn’t the thought of shielding Violet Sorrengail? I know you’re very protective of her.”

I can’t believe I’m acting this insecure and jealous while currently sitting in his lab with nothing but my long brunette curls covering my breasts like a sheer curtain. But I have to know. 

“She’s my friend, and I owe it to someone to protect her. But that’s all. Since the moment I woke in the infirmary and you countered every line I had and rolled those steely blue eyes at me, there’s only been you.” He grins, revealing his dimples. 

But before me there were others. I know, he is still a Rider afterall. 

“So, I’m not just another notch in your bedpost, Cadet Mairi?” I smile teasingly, and give him a playful shove to the headboard behind him. 

He reels back the motion, using back the momentum and to flip me around and onto the bed. I gasp, my heart and my core fluttering with the excitement of having him on top of me. 

“It’s Liam, remember? There’s no one here but us. And no, you’re more than that, if you want to be?” He raises an eyebrow slightly with the question.

I resign with a smile, “I do… want to be more. If you’ll have me,” I say, taking his face between my hands softly. 

He grins cheekily, “ Fuck if I will, please. Finally.” he says before swooping down and kissing me deeply. 

There’s nothing I feel but him all around, except the damn slipping of my stockings, no longer held up by my corset. I writhe out from under him to get one arm down to try and pull one stocking off. He sits up onto his knees, and damn he’s a beautiful sight above me. Abs, scars, and relic twisting up his arm and all. 

He pulls my stockings off in two swift motions, flinging them on the floor next to my dress. Now all I have on is my underwear, and now he has too many clothes on. I sit up and tug him by the waistband of his pants for a kiss, and his hands are fisting my hair again, tongue eager in my mouth. I undo the buttons of his rider dress pants and push them down, revealing all that lies underneath. 

The space between my thighs warms, and I feel the wetness swell. I shrug my own underwear down my hips and fall back onto the bed to have space to kick them off. He gets up to stand off to the side of the bed, kicking his own pants off as well. I only have a glimpse of all of him before he kneels down before the bed. 

“What are you--” I start to ask but my breath is cut short as he grabs me by the hips, hooking my knees over his shoulders, and pulling me towards the edge of the bed. 

“I’m finally satisfying my curiosity of what you taste like,” he says before dipping his head between my thighs and sucking my clit. 

I intake a sharp gasp.

I’ve never let a man on me in this way, hell, I’ve never had a man want to taste me in this way. He flicks his tongue with just the right pressure across my sensitive bud.

“Liam!” I gasp and reach down to take a fistful of his hair. 

“Yes, my lovely Isla,” he pulls away to tease, “do you want me to stop?”

I lift my head up to meet his eye, and damn if he doesn’t have a sexy glint in his eyes, grinning before my entrance. 

“Gods no!” I half moan, half complain, and lock my ankles around his back, bringing him back down towards my flesh. 

He chuckles, “Then I’ll continue, but remember? It’s just us here. And the Gods aren’t making you feel this way, I am.” 

He swoops back down to meet my flesh, licking me from entrance to top, and then slipping a finger inside me making clench my legs around his back harder.

He moans against me, feeling my wetness already inside. I writhe against him, needing more as tension coils inside me. He slips another finger and presses up inside me to add to my coiling tension. I’m close.

“Liam.. when I finish.. I need you.. to start fucking me.. immediately. Okay?” I say between breathy gasps. 

He moans in agreement without taking his mouth away. I look down to meet his eyes, he nods slightly as if to say, go ahead, I’ve got you.

I throw my head back, and it’s almost all too much, I instinctually try to scoot away but he holds my hips firm with his one free hand. I cry out as the tension bursts between my thighs, releasing.

“Liam, yes!” I moan, clenching my eyes shut. Another breath and I feel his warmth briefly leave me.

I open my eyes, and see him swiftly move up my body to meet me face to face. 

“Please…” I can’t help but whine. And he nods firmly, and in one motion simultaneously leans down to start kissing me, and I feel the length of him push inside me, stretching just right as my lingering orgasm continues to clench around him. 

I taste myself on his lips, and I feel the wetness between my thighs invite him in for more. I keep him close to not break our kiss by fisting my own hands into his hair, using his mouth to muffle my sighs. 

Although these walls are fire proof, they sure aren’t sound proof. 

My orgasm blissfully continues in waves, and he breaks our kiss to groan for himself. 

“ Fuck Isla, you feel so good.”

I grin, “So do you,” I say giggling. 

He meets my eye, as this spurs him on. He thrusts just a little faster, and harder, and the tension within me starts to build up again. 

I reach up and catch his lower lip between mine, sucking to hold in my own moans that threaten to escape and give us away. 

He reaches up a hand to cup my breast, running his thumb over my heightened nipple. A groan escapes me and he grins into the kiss, having discovered my weakness. 

He dips his head and catches my nipple between his teeth, gently. And all the air is sucked out of me as I gasp. He begins to suck on my sensitive nipple, and his other hand meets my other breast and twirls the hardened peak there between his thumb and forefinger.

“Liam, I need…” I start to say but stop short, because I don’t really know what I need. I just need more. The wound up coil in my core threatens to become uncomfortable if it’s not released soon.

“Tell me what you need, Isla, I’m here, I’ve got you” he says, verbalizing the words I imagined him saying with a nod before. 

I meet his eyes again, there's a need in him too. 

“I just need you.”  I say, pulling his face up to mine again. 

“Fuck” he groans and drives into me harder. Yes, this is what I needed. I needed to feel him let go. If I had to let go of control once, so does he. 

I reach down to help relieve the tension at my center, but he grasps my hand and pins it up above my head with his own. I whimper, I might die right here in his bed, in the Rider’s quadrant, if I don’t release soon. 

He looks me in the eyes, “ I’ve got you.” he repeats and reaches down with his free hand to my clit, applying the right pressure and swirling the bud with his finger just so. Then, he changes the motion of his hips so he drives up into me, hitting the right spot from the inside. 

“Liam MAIRI!!” 

I half moan, half scream, as my release finds me. I know I’ll feel the embarrassment later on because if everyone on this floor of the Rider’s quadrant didn’t already know who exactly was fucking, they sure do now. 

He groans, and braces his hands up against the wall now that they’ve done their job, and uses them for more leverage as he drives his final thrusts into me with a release of his own. 

He collapses down and rolls us onto our sides, facing each other, as we each gasp to catch our breath. 

Our gazes collide, and I can’t help but have a blissful grin on my face. He’s smiling as well, but it falters, and he lifts hand to brush his palm to caress my cheek. 

“That was…” I begin at the same time he says,

“Isla I lo-” but stops short, afraid to interrupt me. 

“What? Sorry! Go ahead,” we both say almost in sync. 

I laugh, he bites his lip, and it’s clear he isn’t going to say what he was just about to so I say, 

“That was better than my wildest dreams,” I say. I’m not quite sure what else there is to say. I don’t want this to end.

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. There’s a sadness there and I couldn’t possibly know why after what we just shared. 

“Yeah, it was.” he says, brushing my hair behind my ear. I reach over and pull his lips to mine, determined to rid us both of the sadness from the moment ending. 

I break away, “I should go cle-” I start to say but I get abruptly cut off.

There’s a pounding on the door.

Chapter Text

Ridoc's POV

I tug on my midnight-black doublet, part of my new dress uniform for the Reunification day celebration tonight. Leaving a few buttons of my collar unbuttoned. 

Oh yeah. Tonight is finally my to win over that gorgeous Healer with the steely gray-blue eyes. 

Take it down a few notches, dickhead. Aotrom snarls.

You’re just jealous I’ll be having fun tonight! Do dragons even have one night stands? I respond back through the shimmering bronze bond that connects me to him. 

I will not give you ammunition against me by satisfying that with an answer. He grumbles, clearly grumpy from the wound up sexual tension.

So I’m guessing that’s a no. I scoff. 

I shut down my shields against the bronze bond before he can respond and ruin my mood. 

I’m positive, I can get her attention tonight, and hopefully more. 

There’s a pounding at my door, “Ridoc! Stop your pruning and let’s go already!”

I take one last look in the mirror of my armoire and yank my bedroom door open. Sawyer stands there, all buttoned up. 

“Well, well… who are you hoping to get into bed tonight?” I ask, passing through the doorway and slightly shoving him on the shoulder. 

He sighs, loudly. Sexual tension wound up in him as well I guess. “ Anyone really, I don’t have my eye on anyone in particular.”

I look back at him and give him a nod as we head down the stairwell, “Well I do. Remember that brunette healer we took Liam to when he got ran through by Barlow’s sword?”

His cheeks flush pink. I might have some competition there. “Oh, yeah, good luck with that one!” he says, heavy on the sarcasm. “From what I remember she can’t stand you!”

“We’ll see…” I say and smile to myself. There’s nothing I don’t like as much as a challenge. 

***

Fourth Wing page 400, Violet’s POV

“I heard there’s going to be a mob of infantry guys there,” Nadine says as she joins us. 

“Don’t you prefer a little brain with your brawn?” Ridoc slides right in, Sawyer at his side.

“You did not try to leave without me!” Liam shouts as he runs forward, darting through the crowd as we move toward the staircase that leads to Basgiath’s main campus. 

“I was hoping you’d been given the night off,” I answer truthfully as he reaches my side. “Don’t you look handsome.”

“I know.” He preens sarcastically, straightening his sash over a midnight-black doublet. “I’ve heard healer cadets have a thing for riders.”

“Hardly.” Rhiannon laughs. “As often as they have to put us back together? I bet they’re more into scribes.”

“What are scribes into?” Liam asks me as we descend the stairs in a sea of black, taking the path we tread every morning toward the Archives. “Seeing as you were almost one of them?”

“Usually other scribes,” I answer. “But I guess riders, in the father’s case.”

“I’m just excited to see some people who aren’t riders,” Ridoc says, holding open the door so we can pass through the tunnel. “It’s getting kind of incestuous around here.”

***

We make it to the courtyard and the party is in full swing, opportunities everywhere. Theres a sea of uniforms, cream for the scribes, navy-blue for the infantry, and pale blue for the healers. And I’ve got my sights set on one pale blue wearing individual in particular. 

Although it might be a challenge to find her, theres hundred of people here, most are in navy-blue. 

The rest of us break away from Violet and Liam, in search of our targets for the night. I scan the crowd for the right pale blue uniform I’m looking for, but I don’t see her yet.

“Come on, let’s grab a drink.” I say to Sawyer, he too looks a little overwhelmed beside me. We make our way pushing past mostly Infantry navy blue uniforms over to a table with a giant crystal blue punch bowl.

“Hey, cover me would ya?” I tell Sawyer, pulling him towards me to block me from the view of the leadership heading towards Liam and Violet to our right. 

“What!? Why?” he snaps but I’ve already pulled a flask out of my doublet.

“Quiet!” I whisper-yell, “You’ll give us away!”

“US!?” he hisses back. I pour the contents of the flask into the punch bowl, and then pour two cups for Sawyer and I. 

“Come on! Lighten up a little, we’ve almost survived our entire first year after all!”

“ Your first year,” Sawyer grumbles. I have no idea what stick is up his ass, but I choose to ignore his complaints. 

“Let’s go, I think I spotted my brunette over there.” I say and hand him two more cups that we can offer to the healer cadets I have my eye on, one brunette, one ashy blonde.

He follows, but when we reach up to them it isn’t the gray blue eyed healer I’m looking for. But they’ll have to do for now so Sawyer can get out of his mood. 

“ Ladies, may I offer you some refreshments?” I ask as we approach. The ashy blonde one blushes and side eyes Sawyer, perfect. 

I put my arm around the brunette, she doesn’t have the same steely gray blue eyes as the one I saw in the infirmary, but gorgeous all the same. And most importantly, not wearing Rider black. 

We talk for a while, laughing as my punch concoction works its way into our systems. 

And then I spot Liam, his shining blonde head taller than the rest of the crowd, and he’s talking to her . 

Damn it. So she’s the healer he was hoping to see too? Fucking hell. I don’t stand a chance.

And just like that, he’s leading her out of the courtyard through the velvet curtains.

“Too bad, so sad, dickhead.” Aotrom breaks through my wall that was compromised by my drinking. 

“UGH why don’t you go get yourself laid too, idiot?”

He just laughs, tauntingly in my mind. 

I sigh, slightly resigned, and turn my attention to the brunette Healer I have my arm around. 

…

Somewhere along drinks 4 and 5 the alarm sounds. We’re under attack. And everyone scurries to leave the party. But I know some of our squadmates are missing, probably back in their rooms getting their rocks off with their conquests for the night. 

Sawyer and I dash back to our dorms, we have to find Liam and Rhiannon. I’m sure Riorson has Violet covered. 

We’re running up the stone steps to our First Year dorms when we hear…

“Liam MAIRI!!”

The unmistakable combined moan and scream of pleasure. 

We stop dead in our tracks.

“ UGH… gross.” I turn and say to a snickering Sawyer behind me. 

“You think he’s in there?” he snorts then smothers his laughs with his hand over his mouth. 

We hear a male groan of pleasure added to the sounds of wood scraping the stone wall. 

“ Ugh… Alright, rock, paper, scissors, who has to knock on that door?” I say with my fist over my outstretched palm, ready to battle it out. 

He backs down a step, lifting up his hands in defeat, “Nah man, that’s all you.” He says with a smirk and turns around to dash down the stairs. 

“SAWYER!!” I whisper-scream after him. “ Fuck.” I whine and mentally prepare myself to find my better-looking, better- everything squadmate, screwing the woman I’ve had my eye on for weeks. 

I approach the door, it’s relatively quiet now, absent of sounds of pleasure. 

There's no more time to waste, I pound on the door.

“You better get out here quick, Mairi!!!” I yell. 

I hear shuffling inside and then, “Damn it, Ridoc!! Now isn’t the time for pranks!” he yells back as he yanks open the door. 

My eyes instantly find hers . And DAMN it feels like a knife to the heart. She lies there in his bed, hair let loose from the braided crown she wore earlier and perfect female form of a silhouette underneath the sheet she’s got pulled up over her. 

Liam closes the door a bit, wearing nothing but a blanket on his lower half, blocking my view of her. 

“Sorry Mairi… Miss Healer ma’am,” I tip an imaginary hat towards her. She scoffs and pulls the sheet up higher towards her flushed face. “But this isn’t a prank. We’re under attack.”

BAM. 

Mairi slams the door in my face without another word. “Fucking asshole.”

I grumble and head back down the steps finding my way to the courtyard of the Rider’s Quadrant for formation. 

I stomp into the courtyard and find Liam trotting not too far behind me to catch up. I wonder if the asshole had even enough time for a kiss goodbye. 

Fourth Wing page 424: Violet’s POV

“This had better be good, because I was finally taking my shot with that gorgeous brunette healer,” Ridoc whines as he steps into formation behind me. 

Liam stands to my right, still buttoning the top of his uniform.

“Good night?” I ask Liam.

“Fine,” he mutters, his cheeks turning pink in the moonlight.

I scoff and side-eye Liam. Fucker. He got to the real gorgeous brunette healer I was eyeing first. This had better be good. 

Chapter Text

The pounding continues as we scramble to cover ourselves. 

“You better get out here quick, Mairi!!!” someone yells. 

I’m still completely naked, and there’s no way I can dress quick enough with all the laces and the buttons of my uniform. I sink down under his sheets as he jolts up out of bed, grabbing the top blanket to cover his bottom half quickly.

“Damn it, Ridoc!! Now isn’t the time for pranks!” he yells back as he yanks open the door.

My gaze collides with Ridoc Gamlyn’s as the door opens halfway, before Liam shuts it just enough so he can push his face through the crack. 

“Sorry Mairi… Miss Healer ma’am,” he tiptoes around Liam and tips an imaginary hat towards me. I scoff and pull the sheet up higher. “But this isn’t a prank. We’re under attack.”

Liam slams the door in his face without another word. 

Fantastic, so I’ll never be able to stitch that particular rider up again without dying of embarrassment. 

He tosses me my corset and dress from up off the floor. “Sorry!” He exclaims as he starts rummaging through his armoire for the right uniform in exchange for his formal one he worse this evening.  “I’ve got to go! Rider’s-”

“Rider’s duties, I got it.” I cut him off. He smiles an apologetic smile, yanking on his pants, his hair flopping to meet his forehead slightly. “It’s alright, that means I need to go too. There’ll be a line of you to stitch up soon enough.” I say, returning the apologetic smile. 

“Here,” he says while taking another flight jacket from his wardrobe and tossing it to me, adding it to my pile. “Wear this over your uniform so people won’t recognize you.”

I take the jacket into my hands, brushing my thumb over the eyeball patch that identifies his signet. His signet, being farsight. He must have actually seen me in that ballroom when I thought he didn’t. 

“But how will I get it back to you? I certainly can’t just walk in here and return it with no reason or invitation for going into the Rider’s Quadrant..” I emphasize.

He grins that devilish grin again, “Maybe I’ll come to you, since as you say, we’ll be lining up in no time waiting to be stitched up, right?”

He bends down and kisses me while reaching for a belt of daggers hanging next to the bed.

“Right,” I sigh, “Hopefully in one piece this time.”

I say holding his gaze for a beat longer. He’s halfway out the door, his uniform shirt still unbuttoned underneath his flight jacket. 

“I will, I promise, I’m not finished with you yet, Isla Blair.” he quips and shuts the door behind him.

“Goodbye, Liam Mairi.”

But I have this peculiar feeling… that that’ll be the last time I hear him say my name. 

Fourth Wing page 424: 

“This had better be good, because I was finally taking my shot with that gorgeous brunette healer,” Ridoc whines as he steps into formation behind me. 

Liam stands to my right, still buttoning the top of his uniform.

“Good night?” I ask Liam.

“Fine,” he mutters, his cheeks turning pink in the moonlight.

I get up once the door is safely shut. I hear boots scurrying up and down the staircase outside. I’ll have to wait for them to clear before I can sneak out safely. 

I lace my corset the best I can, and shrug on my Healer Blue uniform dress, then pick up my stockings on the floor. Lastly, I put on his flight jacket. It smells of pine and citrus, the same as I had smelled on him in the infirmary. 

I take a look in the mirror, and my long brunette curls are wild in every direction. 

“Whoa” I say to my own reflection. And begin to haphazardly braid it, there’s no way a rider would have hair as long as mine and let it flow freely down. I slip on my shoes and open the door to check if the hallway is clear. Although I’d blend up top, maybe, from the waist down I’m still in light pale healer blue that is a stark contrast to all this black. I slip into the hallway, careful not to linger too long before some straggler comes along. 

My heels click with every step down the stony staircase, further giving me away. Another problem being, I don’t exactly know my way around the Rider’s Quadrant. The Riders always come to us in the Healer’s quadrant. And entrance to the Rider’s Quadrant is typically forbidden unless invited. I listen and try to follow the sounds of a crowd. I find my way down to the courtyard where they stand in formation. 

All of them. I try to keep to the shadows, but I spot his golden head standing in formation, next to a particular silver one. 

Damn it, Isla, STOP. He was literally just inside YOU, minutes ago, wasn’t he?

I sigh, and take one last look at him, even if it's just the back of his shining head. I start to scurry off, but he turns just in time, knowing I must be lurking behind right about now. He spots me, catches my eye, and winks. 

Gods, I love that man. 

I smile, and rush away before anyone else can see me. I can admit that to myself, that I love him, right? It’s not unreasonable to love someone after knowing them for weeks, almost months , and spending the night with them… right?

I’m hopeless. I’m going to break my own damn heart. 

I’m halfway across the bridge to the Healer’s Quadrant when I have the nagging feeling that something is missing. I’ve forgotten something, and it’s going to come to bite me in the ass later.

I gasp and stop abruptly in my tracks, my hand flying to my chest. 

My cape. 

I forgot my cape on his desk. 

I was so preoccupied with putting on his flight jacket to disguise myself that I forgot what really should be going around my shoulders. It’s too late to turn around, riders are scurrying all over the place, either to head for packing or dashing for their assignments. Brielle will be looking for me, knowing full well where to look. I just have to hope that he does end up meeting me in the Healer’s Quadrant so we can exchange our belongings. 

Let’s just hope there are no formal events until then. I’m so lovelorn already, and nobody knows.

Chapter Text

It’s been just over two weeks since the start of the War Games, not an attack that took Liam away. Stupid riders and their silly games. Their silly games that create more work for us as if we don’t have enough to do stitching up the riders and infantry members from the front lines. 

Another squad made it back almost a week ago, all with minor injuries if any. But I knew this meant that Liam’s squad had lost whatever game it was they were playing. 

There’s an ache in my lower belly telling me something else is wrong. Liam isn’t just playing a game, no, if he was, he’d be back by now. It’s no secret that Liam is the best in his year. And in a Team led by Riorson? How could they not win? Riorson is vicious, I know. I don’t see him in the infirmary often but I do see his victims quite frequently. 

I worry about Liam more than I care to admit. The aching in my belly feels more like a cramping today, and I think I might start my menstrual cycle early due to the stress. Or is it just on time? I don’t really keep track anymore, like it matters. But I had been more consistent in taking the fertility suppressant since the night of the Reunification celebration, for obvious reasons. 

I head into the infirmary and I try to focus on my responsibilities. Just over a week away from graduation, I’m practically a second year already, prepping for the new healer cadets to be joining us in just a few days. Healer Colbersy has dropped heavy hints that I’ll be taking on the role of a Second Year Lead Healer. 

But I can’t help but think about and plan for what life might be when Liam gets back. 

He did say he wasn’t done with me yet. His intentions seemed pretty clear, that he intended to come back home and continue what we had just started. I’m not imagining it all, right?

I try to tell myself not to get attached, they’re riders after all, and more of them die in the quadrant than make it out. But Liam is one of the best, I hold onto that thought. 

I’m reorganizing the remedy shelf, noting which tinctures are running low, when in my peripheral vision I see a figure approaching me. A tall figure in rider black.

But nearly everyone is taller than me, and why I would be so easily attracted to height is beyond me. The yearning for Liam to return is making me antsy. 

“Excuse me, are you Cadet Blair?” he stops right as he reaches me, “Someone told me to look for the stunning brunette with steely blue eyes.”

I turn and my eyes flash to the Cadet, and I threaten to blush a little. 

“Ahh, there they are.” he says, looking into my eyes, his are a soft inviting brown.  He’s handsome, not as handsome as Liam of course, but his stunning sharp jawline holds a short brunette beard that I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to touch. 

Liam really needs to get back here, I’ve had a taste and it’s not enough. 

I recover myself and scoff, because riders. “Like I haven’t heard that one before, Cadet…?” 

He smirks, “Aetos. Dain Aetos.”

The name sounds slightly familiar, his father probably a high ranking officer. 

“Well, Cadet Aetos, how can I be of service? You don’t look injured.” I say, eyeing him up and down. 

He stands up straighter, squaring his shoulders, shifting into military mode.

“I was told to find you and ask if you could help coordinate the organization and delivery of medipacks for the newly graduated lieutenants next week? Given your newly appointed rank.” he crosses his hands behind his back and gives me a nod, sort of in congratulations. 

I lift an eyebrow at him, “My new rank?” 

His eyes go slightly wide, “Oh, apologies. I thought you knew… they had told me-”

“Don’t worry about it, Cadet Aetos. I had my strong suspicions. Thank you. I’ll be sure to get the packs together and I’ll deliver them…?” I ask, leaving him to finish my sentence.

A grin begins to form on his face again, “You can bring them to me, I’m a squad leader in Fourth Wing. But after graduation…” he trails off, clearly humble bragging that he’ll be given a promotion as well.

I tilt my head slightly, looking up at him with a slight smirk on my face. “I’m assuming you will have a newly appointed rank as well?”

He pushes his tongue in his cheek, if he does indeed have a high ranking father this shouldn’t come as a surprise. 

“I hope.” his eyes glisten. 

My stomach churns, the cramping resumes. I blow out a breath to breathe through the discomfort. 

“Thank you, Cadet Aetos. I’ll see you after graduation.” I give him a polite smile. 

He leans forward in a slight bow, oh so formal. He turns on one heel and walks away from me, down the long stretch of the infirmary. I bite my lip, finding myself admiring his walk. 

Damn it, Liam needs to come back and be here already. How I went months being celibate and now I can’t handle a few weeks? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But of course, then, I didn’t have someone to look forward to. Someone I think l love.

I sigh internally, this is falling in love in the cruelest way, when he’s worlds way for all I know.

Chapter Text

Xaden’s POV

I slide off Sgaeyl’s leg onto the flight field without so much as completely landing so we can make this quick. 

“Shadow wielder, I smell the kin of your brother. He lives on at Basgiath, still.”

The words send a jolt through me, almost stopping me in my tracks. The sound of gravel crunching beneath my boots faltering for a moment. 

“Liam? That’s impossible, we burned his body. Are you sure it’s not just his things?”

The rest of us begin to land as well, more gravel crunching as we all rush off to our agreed upon tasks.

“I’m just telling you what I smell. Focus on the task at hand, if they put a hand on you I’ll-”

“Yeah yeah… you’ll roast them where they stand.” 

She makes a sound of content and then I see her fly over the mountains, disappearing into the Vale.

Let me make sure Violet and I get away with our lives first, then figure out what that’s all about. But coincidentally, our first task since back at Basgiath involves Liam Mairi. 

Having survived graduation and gotten my assignment, Samara , I spend the rest of the evening packing. 

But there’s one last thing I have to do. 

I take the letter out of my inner jacket pocket. 

The name Isla, written on the front. Liam didn’t exactly give me a last name so all I have to go on is her first name, and that she’s a healer cadet. I’m assuming a first year as well, but I can’t be sure. Hopefully a walk around campus will give me more information to go off of, there has to be someone thinking about her in some way. But the most obvious first place to look would be the infirmary. 

I finish packing my things in boxes, ready to be sent to Samara, and have my flight pack ready to go as well. I’ll be leaving sooner than the other lieutenants, freeing up my room for the new year’s leadership. No doubt, Aetos will be taking my position. 

Oh well. He can relish in the thought of the things Violet and I did in this very room.

I leave my pack here, I’ll pick it up on my way back. Heading out of my room I find Garrick also coming out of his room into the hallway. 

“Hey, going to go celebrate with Sorrengail?” a smirk grows on his face. 

I walk by, clapping him on the shoulder. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he chuckles. “I have another woman to meet first.”

He starts to follow me down the stairs, “ Oh? Are you and the lightning wielder really opening things up?”

I scoff, “Not like that .” We descend to the bottom of the stairs, cadets are already scrambling around, gathering to find their companions for the night.

Garrick comes up to walk beside me, “Our boy Liam had a special woman of his own,” I mutter under my breath. We’re not exactly supposed to be speaking of the dead. 

“ Shit .” Garrick mutters, “And you’re going to find her… to tell her right now?” 

I sigh, “Unfortunately so, care to join?” 

We exit the dorms, and I see a few members of Violet’s squad ahead of us, looking for trouble. Ridoc Gamlyn and Sawyer Henrick, of course.  

“Nope. I think one of us is intimidating enough for that job.” he claps me on the shoulder and peels off. 

I start heading for the bridge to the Healer’s Quadrant and the rest of the main campus. Ridoc and Sawyer nearly skip in excitement ahead of me. No doubt, they’re testing whether they can already sneak away to Chantara. 

I’m not their wingleader anymore, I’m not responsible for their behavior. 

Up ahead, on the other side of the bridge, a small figure in pale healer blue walks towards us holding black medipacks. Probably delivering those to the freshly graduated departing lieutenants, including myself. 

We’re still far from approaching her, but I can see her dramatically roll her eyes in our direction. Her steely blue eyes shine even from this far as it's a stark contrast to her dark brown hair, it's all vaguely familiar. 

Ridoc claps Sawyer on the shoulder and trots up ahead to greet her.

“Turn around, Cadet Gamlyn. I’m perfectly capable without your help or your commentary today.” she calls up ahead in our direction as he approaches.

“Oh come on, Cadet Blair. I know you’re perfectly capable, but maybe you’d let me help? Considering…” his tone becomes less flirty and he trails off.

She takes in a breath, closing her mouth and her jaw flexes. Ridoc’s intentions are a mix between flirty and also somber. She glares up at him, and he feels more and more… apologetic, but not on his part. He’s sorry for her. 

“Considering, what? Cadet Gamlyn.” her cheeks start to flush.

I approach them as well, Sawyer shifts awkwardly to the side of them. 

“Isla… do you not know?” his tone softens, and all intentions of flirtation are gone from him. 

Isla. This is her. 

And oh shit, Gamlyn intends to spill the news. 

“ Again, Cadet Gamlyn. Know what?” She tries to stay harsh with her tone, but she falters a bit. 

Sawyer side eyes me nervously as I approach. Ridoc reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his head, not knowing how to awkwardly start this conversation. 

I clap a hand on his shoulder and push him to the side slightly, “I got this, Ridoc.” 

Her eyes widen as she sees me, and her brows furrow as her gaze flicks between Ridoc, Sawyer and I. All of us shifting uncomfortably, looking various degrees of awkward and somber I’m sure. 

“Cadet- I mean, Lieutenant Riorson… you’re here.” she says as a statement, not a question. Her face falls, and I’m guessing she’s had the realization that I’m here, but someone else isn’t. 

Ridoc steps forward, beginning to take the packs out of her grasp, and she lets him. Her hands remain frozen in the air from the grip she had carrying them. 

As she stares up at me with those steely blue eyes it hits me, I realize where I remember seeing her. 

She’s the healer that cared for Liam in the infirmary, I remember seeing her roll those same steely blue eyes at him time and time again. 

A growing pit forms in my stomach, and I genuinely feel sorry for her. She’s a healer, not a rider, loss amongst her friends is not something she’s used to. And from Liam’s message he wanted me to give her, this is about to be a heavy loss.

“I am, and you must be Cadet Isla Blair?” I ask her, crossing my hands behind my back and shifting into a relaxed military stance. Maybe the blow I’m about to deliver will seem less personal that way. 

“Yes.” she flicks her gaze to Ridoc and Sawyer, who have begun retreating slowly behind us, giving us some privacy. 

I take in a breath, “Cadet Blair,” she flicks her gaze back up to meet mine, and she looks so small at this moment. She almost reminds me of Violet, in healer blue. I clear my throat, “I regret to inform you that a mutual friend of ours… perished on our mission.” 

The words leave my mouth, and I immediately regret using the phrase mission instead of War Games.  

Water begins to form in her inner eyes, “What… mutual… friend?” her voice cracks as she lets out the words. She brings her hands down to clutch her abdomen, intaking a sharp breath as if in pain. 

“It’s her,” Sgaeyl interjects in my mind, “The scent of your brother comes from her. She bears his kin.” 

My heart officially drops into my stomach, and I drop my hands to my sides, flexing them there.

“What do you mean it’s her? She bears his kin?” I ask Sgaeyl, hoping she doesn’t mean it in the literal sense.

“I mean just that, the girl is pregnant with Liam Mairi’s kin.” Sgaeyl, the ever sensitive one. 

I grind my teeth down, now I really don’t want to deliver this news. What is this going to mean for her? For me? Another marked one, born with a relic. Maybe more, given how skilled Liam’s line was with runes. Another life I’m responsible for, and this one will be more so than others. How is this even possible? All cadets at Basgiath take the fertility suppressant. I know sure as Dunne, Liam did. 

I can’t dwell on the how of the situation, her watery eyes flicker across my face.

“Lieutenant Rioson, please…” she looks so small, she’s barely taller than Violet.

I swallow my questions, “Cadet… Liam Mairi.”

She squeezes her eyes shut, clutching at her abdomen more firmly and doubles over, gasping slightly. 

I cross my arms across my chest, fighting the urge to immediately embrace her. Looking down I see her tears fall to the ground. 

“Cadet Blair, I’m so sor-” before I can get the words out, she starts to fall forward, her lower limbs going limp. 

“Shit!” I swear and just as her head is about to fall into the stone at our feet, my shadows whip out to catch her. 

I lift her up with my shadows, and she’s limp, fully passed out, and pale.

“RIDOC! Sawyer!” I call for them as I begin to take her into my arms, replacing my shadows. 

They both rush to my side, “Take her to the infirmary, now . Sawyer, run up ahead and tell them they’ll need Winifred. Ridoc, you carry her. Forget about the medipacks, they’re for me and the new lieutenants anyways.” 

Sawyer nods sharply, and takes off running. He’s the faster of the two of them, and Ridoc is the stronger. 

He holds out his arms, ready to take her. “You told her.” he says more of a statement than a question. 

I begin to pass her into his open arms, and simply nod firmly at him. He takes her into his arms as I let go.

He stares back at me, a line forming between his brows. “You know that they were-”

“I know now.” I cut him off.

His face falls, and the corner of his mouth tightens into a grimace. 

“Get her to the infirmary, quickly. ” I tell him like an order.

I can’t be trusted not to reveal her secret to all in the Healer’s Quadrant, especially if they see me bringing her in, they could make the connection. 

“Yes sir, ex-wingleader, sir.” Ridoc quips and turns on one heel. 

I roll my eyes at the back of his head. No doubt, the flirt will enjoy this task. 

I’ll just have to give her the letter another time. I can’t trust that anyone will find it and betray her secrets. I’ll be back at Basgiath in a week anyways, thanks to Tairn and Sgaeyl.

Chapter Text

Liam’s dead.

Suddenly my vision blurs, and I feel weightless. Or maybe I’m suddenly heavy and gravity decides to bring me down abruptly. My legs give out, either unable to keep balance or hold my own weight.  Waves of shadows encompass my vision and I feel something catch me as I fall, but I black out before I can see what. 

Voices. Hushes voices murmur around me. No, not hushed. Urgent.  

They’re urgent, and slightly frantic.

“She’s bleeding.” someone says. I try to open my eyes but my eyelids feel so, so, heavy. 

“Where!? How?” a voice says and I think I recognize it as my best friend, Brielle. 

“Move her into the private room. Now, quickly.” and I think that’s Healer Colbersy’s commanding tone. 

I feel myself moving through the air, I must be being rolled on the bed somewhere else. 

I hear a door shut, “Go, Get Colonel Nolon” the commanding voice of Healer Colbersy says again. 

“Yes, Healer Colbersy.” Brielle says, and there’s the click of the door again. 

There’s a pressure now on my lower abdomen, like someone is kneading bread. I groan softly in the discomfort of it. 

“Now, now, dear. I’ve got you.” I hear her say before the world goes completely dark. 

“Hello there, Isla.” Healer Colbersy says, not using my healer title. 

Because, I’m not a healer right now. I’m laying in a bed, in the infirmary. I’m a patient. 

“Healer Colbersy, what happened?” I ask, still blinking and adjusting my eyesight to the brightness. How long have I been asleep?

“Isla, my dear, I’m afraid I should tell you the whole truth when you’ve regained your strength a bit more. You lost a lot of bl--”

She stops herself short but it’s too late. She was going to say blood? What in Amari’s name happened to me?

“Healer Colbersy, I’m afraid you’re not going to do any good except wreck my nerves even more if you don’t tell me what happened to me? Why was I bleeding?” 

I lift my arms up over my head, scanning them for injuries, then touch my scalp and thorax, finding nothing. “And from where?”

She sighs, “Well, that answers the first question I had for you before I could tell you about your condition,”

Further confusion shows on my face if that’s even possible at this point, “ My condition..? Please Winifred, tell me what’s going on?” I say using her first name, since we’re going to be so indelicate. 

I haven’t the faintest idea of what she could be talking about.

“So… Isla. Did you know that you were pregnant?” She asks and my head whirls.

Pregnant. 

Did I hear her right? She said I was pregnant. She said, I. WAS. pregnant. 

“Healer Colbersy, come out with it. Tell me everything that happened. The last thing I remember is walking across the bridge connecting us to the Rider’s Quadrant.”

She looks away from me, clearly the bad news isn’t over yet. “You ran into Cadet Riorson there, and you collapsed after he told you… some distressing news. Cadets Henrick and Gamlyn then brought you here.”

“ What distressing news?” I’m starting to get irritated. Fuck-who-cares if she’s my Lead Healer. I’m in this isolated room from the rest of the Healer Quadrant for a reason. 

“Cadet Mairi… and his dragon… did not make it back from the War Games with their lives.”

My chest suddenly hurts like all the air was sucked out of the room. I close my eyes and squeeze them shut to stop the tears from welling up. 

“I know you and he were close, you spent so much time healing him.” she opens and closes her mouth, stopping herself from saying more. “Was he…” she says, half more to herself but trails off thinking better of it. And I don’t blame her for wanting to ask the biggest question on her mind.

Was he the father?

“When the Cadets brought you in, you started bleeding heavily, and that’s when we took you into this room and found that it was coming from… vaginally. It wouldn’t stop, there were too many clots… I had to ask Nolon to come help. We tested your blood and found levels of hormones consistent with pregnancy. But on the ultrasound… there was nothing to be seen.”

I hear her exhale out a sigh, “We’re not sure if the pregnancy was even viable, or if it was an ectopic. Since Nolon healed you, there was know way of knowing for sure.”

Logic wants to tell me that it was an ectopic. Logically that would make sense, explain why this was such an emergency so early on in the pregnancy. This would have happened regardless of the outcome of War Games. Regardless of me meeting Xaden Riorson on that bridge or not.

But right now, all I can think of is that… Liam is gone.

All that’s left of him is gone. Considering the riders have most likely torched his belongings by now. 

Did Malek take him from me because of my work as a healer? Because I’d kept so many others from joining him? 

Did Dunne take him because I didn’t pray?

I’ll never know. 

I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling, the tears silently falling on the sides of my face into my ears. 

“I…” I start to say but my throat croaks. 

“I…” I try starting again, “I wasn’t so good at taking the fertility suppressant. Not a lot of time for myself, or leisure activities, with all my work.”

She reaches out and pats my hand that’s folded over my chest, as if I’m trying to hold myself together. “You don’t owe me, or anyone, an explanation my dear,” she looks down into her hands. “It’s a tragedy nonetheless.” I know her and Nolon don’t have any children. 

I’ve got a lot to pine about because I’m never going to know, I’m never going to meet what would’ve been, could’ve been, and should’ve been, mine and Liam’s future.

Because he’s dead. And so is his potential child.

“Thank you, Healer Colbersy, but I’d like to rest now, alone.” I say, exasperatedly. 

Alone. Just me, because I’m left with a lot to live without. 

“Of course, my dear. Take as much time as you need. No one knows why you’re here, just Nolon and myself. Not even the other Healers and cadets that are caring for you.”

I sniffle, because I can’t repay her incredible discretion, usually any bit of gossip runs wild like dragon fire around here. 

“Thank you, Healer Colbersy.” 

She gets up and heads for the door, but before she can grab the knob to open it I call out, “Winifred!” as urgently as I can muster but my voice barely carries above a whisper.

She turns, a somber smile on her face. “Yes dear?”

My jaw drops, not ready to say the words that I haven’t even said to myself. The words that even I don’t really believe. But someone should know. 

“He was.” I say simply. 

She nods, “I’m so sorry for your loss… losses.” 

Losses . Because it’s all over now, it’s not meant to be. 

I try to sleep, but sleeping only brings dreams of him. Of us. Of what we could’ve been, maybe would have and should have been. But it’s all ash now, burned away with the rest of his things.

Chapter Text

I blink my eyes open, letting them adjust to the brightness. For a moment, I don’t know where I am. Panic fills me, worried that I’ve fallen asleep while on night shift in the infirmary.

In another moment, I realize, oh no, I’m a patient here. 

Liam’s dead. I was pregnant. I miscarried. 

It doesn’t seem real. This can’t be my life, can it?

“Hey,” I hear a voice say. A male figure sits beside my bed in my room. Right, my private room in the infirmary. Given my status and condition, former condition, they gave me a private room

“Good morning, sunshine.” My eyes start to come into focus and I see nothing but rider black sitting beside me topped with a head of brown curls. I blink a few more times and focusing in on the face wearing a wide grin. 

“Cadet Gamlyn, what could you possibly be doing here?” If I had enough energy I’d feel embarrassed given my current condition, or maybe confused as to why he’s here. But I am all too well aware that the last time I really saw him was the night that brought me these current circumstances. 

“I came to check on you, do you not remember? Sawyer and I brought you in.” he leans forward, his elbows on his knees, and I smell his faint scent of leather, of course, and something else… bergamot? I suppose the lingering hormones have still heightened my sense of smell. 

Oh, so I guess I have seen him since that night.

“Oh-- no I didn’t know. I don’t remember.” my voice is hoarse, and dry, from too much sleep and not enough speaking. 

“Sheesh.. You’re pretty worse for wear huh? When I heard there was a healer in the infirmary I had to come see if it was you, we brought you here when you fainted nearly a week ago.” He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing slightly.

I’ve been here… out of it… for almost a week!? How am I going to explain this level of exhaustion to my fellow healer cadets?

How am I going to explain this to him, right here, right now?

“Oh, yeah, well with everything going on lately I was pretty exhausted. And hearing about… Cadet Mairi’s passing… well it all caught up to me.” I stumble on his name, shutting my eyes for a beat, as if I can make it all a dream. 

I was pregnant. With Liam’s child. 

His wide grin falters, and his eyes soften. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You can call him Liam. I know you two… had a thing… remember?”

I close my eyes, and do indeed remember. My cheeks would flush pink right about now if I had enough life in them in order to do so. 

“Yeah, well, I’d rather not, if you don’t mind.” I say, resigned and turn on my side, facing him. 

“Right, sorry.” he reaches his hand out as if to touch my face or hair, but drops it, slapping the bed instead to cover up the motion. 

“I’ll let you rest, I just wanted to see if you were okay.” he gives me a half grin.

“Thank you, Cadet Gamlyn.” I try to give him a smile and sound genuine, but it comes out flat. 

“It’s Ridoc.” His eyes crinkle with his attempted comforting and not at all pitying smile, “But, anyways, get better soon. You’re the only one around here that knows how to stitch up a wound without leaving a gnarly scar.” he quips.

I attempt a smile, but the corner of my mouth barely lifts. “Thank you.”

He winks, “I’ll try not to get too injured until you’re back in service.” he stands and my eyes follow him as he rises. 

As he does so, I catch sight of the nightstand beside my bed holding a vase of flowers. Blue hydrangeas, my favorite. 

He’s halfway out the door, “Hey,” I call with as much energy as I can muster. “Do you know who brought these? There isn’t a card..”

Did the notorious Ridoc Gamlyn bring me flowers?

He reaches his arm up over and scratches the back of his head, and his bicep flexes. My heart pangs a bit, I loved that move on Liam. 

“Some flirty Rider… or was it an Infantry soldier? You’ve got quite a few admirers, Cadet Blair.” he clucks and winks again, grinning.

I press my lips into a weak faux smile because that’s all I can give right now. 

“Get some rest… I could use your skills once challenges start up again, Cadet Blair.” He halfway closes the door. 

“Thank you… Ridoc.” I say and he smiles so wide it’s as if I just told him he’d won the lottery. 

“You’re welcome… Islaaa… ” he says, drawing out my name just before closing the door so I don’t have time to respond and chastise him for using my first name. 

I close my eyes and I drift back to sleep, hoping that blonde hair and sky blue eyes don’t fill my dreams.

Chapter Text

I start to get dressed. I’ve been in this bed long enough, and physically, there’s nothing wrong with me. Nolon made sure of that. 

There’s a knock at the door, “Come in!”

I call, knowing that if it were any of the other Healers they wouldn’t have waited for a response. 

I expected anyone but the six-foot-four monstrosity of darkness to walk through that door. Cadet Xaden Riorson, or probably, Lieutenant Riorson at this point. Graduation was over a week ago. 

“Cadet Ri- Errr… Lieutenant Riorson, what brings you here?” I ask. 

He stands awkwardly half in, half out of the doorway. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” I say and motion to the chair, because what else am I supposed to say to the deadliest Rider at Basgiath? Although, Sorrengail is coming to a close second, I heard.

“So, you’re doing better? I heard from Rid-... uh, Cadet Gamlyn, that you were still here. After the bridge, I just wanted to make sure you were okay?”

I bite my lip awkwardly. “Right, you were there, I was told. I don’t exactly remember it but…”

“So you don’t remember what I said to you that day?” he cuts me off abruptly, panic in his tone. Afraid he was going to have to break the news to me again I’m sure.  

“No! I don’t, but… Winifred told me.” 

He sighs and runs his hand through his black hair. “Thank Dunne, I don’t think I could put you through that again. Not since you’re…” he trails off. Not knowing how to start this inevitably awkward conversation. 

I sigh and close my eyes in slight annoyance, “Xaden, can I call you that? And can we just do away with the niceties? I really don’t have the patience for anyone to be tip-toeing around me anymore.”

He widens his eyes, I’m sure not used to people speaking to him so abruptly. “Sure, okay. Whatever you say.” he slaps his thighs and leans back in the chair. 

“Why are you here?” I ask, pinning him with a glare. 

He chuckles, “I see why Liam liked you.”

I stare at him with the same glare. I’m not going to reveal information, he’s going to have to ask. 

“Alright fine, I’ll just come out and ask it then…” he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, leaning forward, eyes on me intently. It would be intimidating were I not currently in the situation I’m in right now. The situation I was in. 

“Are you pregnant with Liam Mairi’s child?” he looks at me with hope in his eyes, but they darken a second after gets out the question. 

“No. And how did you know that? Winifred told me it was only Nolon and herself that knew of my true condition?”

“I don’t understand, what condition then, if you’re not pregnant?” he asks, straightening up and raising a brow with a puzzled look on his face.

I sigh, “Not that I really owe you of all people- whom I’ve never really spoken to before this moment- an explanation… But I know you and Liam were close.”

His expression falls, and he tightens his lips in a line, “He was my foster brother.” he says, matter-of-factly, masking his expression afterwards. 

“Oh I… I didn’t know it was to that extent. I just figured, because you’re both…”

“Sons of traitors?” he finishes for me with a slight smirk, deflecting his grief with humor. 

I glare at him again. What business does he have bothering me like this? Liam’s gone, so is his potential child. Riorson has graduated and he shouldn’t even be here. 

“I was going to say, marked ones, actually. But fine.”

I get up and start packing my things again, turning my back to him. 

“Listen, I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ve been through a lot. I don’t know the extent of your relationship with Liam but when I arrived on the flight field…”

I spin around towards him, my hair whipping into my face with the sudden motion. I shoot him a glare, he’s saying a lot right now that he knows nothing about. 

The corner of his mouth lifts, almost to smirk, but he stops it and puts on a cool neutral expression. “When I arrived… Sgaeyl told me she smelled Liam. As in, the person, not just his things, which I know to be impossible. And when I saw you on the bridge, she confirmed where the scent was coming from… from you. As if you were… pregnant. So I’m just trying to understand. He was my foster brother after all.” his chest heaves with sorrow. 

I let out a heavy sigh, closing my eyes. When I open them I ask, “Sgaeyl?”  

He blinks, not understanding my meaning at first. “Oh! My dragon. Dragons can sense these things, and sometimes they choose to share their wisdom with us.”

I sit back down on the bed. Understanding his full intentions and meaning now as to why he is here. He just wanted to know if he was going to be an Uncle. If there was any small part of his foster brother left in this world. 

“I was pregnant,” I begin, and his expression softens. “I lost it when I heard the news. Or at least that’s what they tell me happened, I don’t remember any of it.”

His eyes widen, his mouth dropping slightly in a gasp. I bet there are only a handful of people on this Continent that could actually stun Xaden Riorson. 

“When, I told you the news?” he leans forward, looking up at me with his dark eyes below his furrowed brow.  

I press my lips in a tightline. “I suppose so, yes.” I say simply. 

“I’m so sorry.” he says and he means it. I think his eyes even swell a little bit before he looks away from me down at his boots.

“Don’t be. It’s probably for the best. What was I to do, raise a child in a War College? One that killed his father?”

His gaze collides with mine again and he tenses, “ His?” he asks in a somewhat panicked tone again.

I sigh, exhausted from what emotion this conversation has cost me. “Well of course I couldn’t know that for sure, I was only, what… four weeks along at most. They don’t even know if it was viable, there’s no way of telling after Nolon healed me.”

He tightens his lips in a line and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket, shifting in his seat.

“Okay, well, I’m sorry… for everything. I was the last person Liam spoke to. And he asked me to give this to you when he passed.” he says while rummaging in his jacket pocket. 

He pulls out a letter with my name on it, Isla. 

“He did?” I ask, slightly reaching out my hands, “What exactly did he say?”

He stands and places the letter in my hands. “He said, ‘give this to her, and make sure she knows she deserves to be loved.’” 

My heart freezes in my chest and I can’t feel a single thing either. My hands go numb holding the letter. In his last moments, Liam actually spoke about me? 

I drop my head down to the letter I hold in my lap, my eyes beginning to well up with tears.

I feel his hand on my shoulder, but I don’t look up. He pulls me forward slightly and I lean into his chest in an embrace.

“He would have made a great father.” he says, more to himself than me.  

My shoulders heave with silent sob. “I know.” I croak out. 

He kisses the top of my head, lightly. Childlike. 

“I’m sorry, Isla.”

I pull away and look up at him, a few tears escape down the sides of my face. “Don’t be. Just please don’t tell anyone.” I say barely above a whisper. 

The golden flecks in his dark eyes glisten, “Of course, I won’t. But maybe you should, when you’re ready.”

I nod, more tears falling down my face with the movement. Who could I possibly tell? How pathetic, and embarrassing I must be. They nearly supply the fertility suppressant in the water here, how could I be so stupid.

He takes a step back, “He was loved by many, if not all, who met him. You won’t be alone.” 

“Thank you.” is all I can say. 

He turns, and catches sight of the flowers and the wooden carving on my nightstand. Bri must have brought it for me, I kept it on my nightstand in my room.

He picks it up, “Did he make this?” 

I nod, and sniffle slightly to try and stop the tears from falling further.

“A rabbit ?” he asks, his tone in slight disbelief.

“Yes.” Obviously. I answer in annoyance, shrugging my shoulders. Why a rabbit is important to him is beyond me, it’s not like he knows me. It’s not like he knows how it made Liam think of me. 

He continues to stare at it, tightening his lips in a line. “Why does it matter?” I ask him, his presence is fully starting to annoy me.

He looks up, his typically hardened expression is soft, lines forming between his brows. “Rabbits are just typically…” he trails off.

I look at him puzzled, his jaw flexes and he schools his expression. “Nevermind… it’s silly.”

I scoff slightly, and he places the figurine back on the nightstand.  

“Let me know if you ever need anything.” he says without really looking at me. 

I nod, just wishing he would leave me already to my grief. 

He nods as well, and turns on his heel and does just that.

Chapter Text

I walk into my room after a long day at the infirmary. I walk across the big room, much too big for just myself. It’s more like a suite with sliding doors that divide it from a kitchenette and dining area. I hang my coat in one of the two armoires on either side of the bedroom.

I place the rest of my things onto the table in the dining area, beside the little rabbit figurine that resides at the center, and have a seat. I lean back in the chair, and place my hands on my heavily swollen belly. 

I sigh, propping my feet onto the adjacent chair and kick off the shoes that leave indentations in my swollen feet.

I hear the main door open, “Isla!?” Someone calls out for me. 

“In here!” I reply. 

I hear boots headed my way. 

“Hey, there are my loves,” he says, walking over to me, still wearing his flight jack from flight maneuvers practice. He bends down towards me, his sky blue eyes meeting mine and squinting in a smile. “My wife,” he says while kissing me soft and slow, “My baby.” He adds, bending down to kiss my swollen, pregnant, belly. 

I catch the scent of pine and citrus as I run my hands through his windblown blonde hair, savoring the feeling. He takes a seat in the chair adjacent to me and swings my feet in his lap as he sits.

“How was your day?” I ask, folding my hands over my belly.

“Fine, haven’t been kidnapped for RSC yet but it should be any day now. I suspect my team will get a slight advantage of a heads up of when that’s going to happen, given they won’t make me miss this little one being born.” he leans forward and rubs my belly, kissing it once more. 

I smile, “I sure hope not,” I say and shift in my seat a little. I was on my feet almost all day today in the infirmary and I ache in almost all places. I won’t let them take it easy on me just because I’m pregnant.

He leans back again and takes my feet into his hands, beginning to massage them. “Long day?” he asks. 

“Yeah, you riders don’t make it easy for us.” I say while closing my eyes and letting my head fall back, enjoying the pressure as he kneads my swollen ankles.

He chuckles and I can imagine the smirk I’d find on his face if I were to look up. “I could make it up to you,” he says and glides a hand to my inner leg up to my inner thigh. 

It tickles and I giggle. “Liam!” I mock-protest, sitting up straight and giving him a little push away.

“What!? I can’t love my wife and the future mother of my child?” he whines, pulling my chair towards him.

I feel myself blush, “No, it’s just--” I inhale sharply as I feel a sudden pressure in my belly.

His eyes go wide, “What is it!? Isla, are you okay?” he asks urgently.

I exhale and smile, taking his face between my hands. “Yes, I’m fine. The baby just- oh!” I say getting cut off again by another sudden pressure in my abdomen. “He kicked, hard. He must hear you.” I get out quickly before another kick can come. 

His sky blue eyes glisten up at me. “He…?” he asks, drawing out the question. 

Our gazes collide, my eyes going wide and I realize my mistake. 

“Shit.. I’m sorry. Healer Colbersy did an ultrasound today, and, well she can’t really keep it a secret from me when I’m able to read the ultrasound while she’s doing it.” 

His smile spreads all over his face and he leans forward more to kiss me, deeply. He pulls away and laughs, “That’s amazing!” 

He places both hands on my belly, the baby kicks into his hand placement. He looks up at me again, his eyes wrinkling at the creases, having felt the kick. 

“You know Isla, I never saw myself making cute little things like plans like this. And I’m glad it’s with you. I love you. And I’ll love you my whole life,” he leans forward and presses a soft kiss on my lips, “And our baby.” he adds.

“I love you too, Liam.” and now it’s my turn to lean forward and kiss him. 

He deepens the kiss, and I do too. Damn pregnancy hormones. We move more urgently, but there’s a knock on the door and…

Shit.  

I wake up in a jolt, my hand flying to my abdomen. But where there was a swollen bump a second ago, it’s now flat. 

It was a dream. I was dreaming. I’m not pregnant. Liam’s not here. But still I dream of him. 

“Isla! You in there?” I hear Brielle call. 

My breathing is ragged as I softly caress my flat abdomen. The dream was so real, but that’s all it was, just a dream. He said he’d love me his whole life, but that life was cut short. 

“I’ll meet you down there!” I call back in the steadiest voice I can muster. It’s a Sunday but it's our weekend rotation in the infirmary. 

I can’t control the tears beginning to fall on the sides of my face. 

“Okay see you then!” I wait until I hear her leave, and then rise out of bed. 

My gaze catches on the wooden rabbit figurine on my nightstand. I’ve kept it there since Liam left for War Games . But now, I recall seeing it in my dream. 

I pluck it up off of my nightstand, I think I better move it so it doesn’t bring more dreams… or rather nightmares. 

I head to my bathing chamber and place it on the shelf below my mirror. At least here, I won’t see it all the time and it won’t be near while I dream. I can’t fully bring myself to get rid of it or put it away somewhere completely, like Liam’s flight jacket tucked in the back of my armoire. Now that is too much of a reminder of him to see on the daily. 

Thank the gods I have a private bathing chamber this year due to my status as a Lead Healer Cadet. I don’t have to suffer through everyone seeing my red and puffy eyes every morning. I don’t even remember crying half the time, this is just my new normal, every morning.  

I rinse my face with nearly ice cold water, hoping to bring down the swelling. Afterwards I pat my face dry, and head back to my main room to get dressed. I barely pay attention to the pale blue ensemble I grab from my armoire, I’m running late. 

It’s been two weeks since I left the infirmary and I’m getting back into my daily routine. But I’m tired and it shows. I’m still not sleeping at night. Liam haunts my dreams whether he’s dying in them or we’re living happily together in them, like last night. 

I suspect my superiors have still been taking it easy on me. Bri accidentally let it slip that they sent Cadet Dyre on land navigation this weekend instead of me when they were supposed to be sending the best in each year. The story is that I fainted as a combination of exhaustion and shock at hearing the death of a friend. Although, I’m 99% sure no one believes that it was just a friend that has gotten me so down bad.

I walk from the dorms to the infirmary and luckily the room where I stayed in is being reserved for special use so I don’t have to see it. Nolon is here more frequently, although they won’t tell us why, but something is going on that requires much mending. Probably lieutenants from the frontlines.

More injuries, more dying. Just like Liam. Rinse and repeat. 

“Isla?” I hear someone say. I look to where the voice is coming from. Fuck me. 

“Cadet Gamlyn.” I deadpan. “I’m working. It’s Cadet Blair.” I don’t mean to be so harsh but I’m incapable of any other response. I’m really not in the mood to deal with his humor today and also slightly embarrassed at the last state in which he saw me. 

“Yes ma’am. Cadet Blair. ” He puts his hands up in a mocking gesture matching his tone. 

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “What are you doing here, Cadet Gamlyn?”

He leans back, sitting in a side chair next to an infirmary bed. He’s not in the bed himself for once and there lies another rider cadet cradling his arm. “Trysten here shattered his arm, I’m just waiting with him until Nolon can mend him.” he points his thumb at the rider cadet groaning in the bed next to him. 

Shit. Now I feel like an asshole. He’s actually doing a kind thing. 

“Has anyone been around to see you guys?” I ask, eyeing Trystan groaning. 

“Just when someone told us where to go.” he shrugs and shifts in his seat.

Now I want to roll my eyes for my peers. Probably just cadets working the night shift, eager to get to their beds. I’m not even sure what my assignment is for the day, but I’m compelled to help. It’ll give me something to do, and maybe fending off flirtatious advances from Ridoc will keep my mind busy instead of dwelling on my dream from last night. 

It comes to my realization that this is the first time I’ve seen Ridoc Gamlyn since he came to see me in the infirmary. And bring me flowers, or at least I’m 85% sure it was him. 

“I’ll be back with something for him while you wait for Nolon.” I motion towards Cadet Trysten, or whatever his last name is.

“Thanks,” he nods with a slight smile, no quippy or sarcastic remark. I return the nod and turn on my heels heading towards the remedy room where we keep all the tinctures and medications.

I quickly spot the one for pain that I’m looking for and return to Cadet Trysten’s bed, passing Ridoc where he sits at the side in the armchair. I can feel him eyeing me up and down. 

“Open up, Cadet, and lift your tongue. You’ll feel a lot better once you do.” I say before I can realize my phrasing.

I hear Ridoc crack open his jaw, “ Don’t say a word, Cadet Gamlyn. Not today.” I snap at him and I can hear his teeth clatter as he shuts his jaw behind me. 

Before he can respond with a less dirty but equally suggestive remark another figure in pale blue approaches us. 

“Cadet Blair, this is my assignment for today.” he says, shifting nervously at the foot of the bed. 

“Is it, Cadet Dyre? Well I had been alerted that the patient had been neglected all morning while they were writhing in pain from their injury. Surely, we should at least treat their pain while they’re waiting for mending, wouldn’t you agree, Cadet Dyre?” I don’t even spare him a look as I drop the droplets of tincture beneath Trysten’s tongue. 

“Of course… but-” he stammers, blushing in embarrassment. 

I spare him a glance, “I’m sure it wouldn’t be an issue with Healer Colbersy were we to switch assignments, since I’ve already gotten started here.” he flushes red now. 

“We needn’t tell her the reason why.” I add, half sorry for him and half just wishing he’d go away. 

I know he was sent on the Land Navigation trip the past two days because he was supposedly the best in our year. Try and come for my job, Dyre. 

Ridoc scoffs beside me. “Of course, Cadet Blair. I’ll go make the adjustments.” Dyre says as he scurries off. 

I hear the sound of a whistle coming from behind me.

“Damn, remind me not to get on your bad side.” I side-eye Ridoc as I drop the last drop of tincture underneath Trysten’s tongue.

“Who said you weren’t already?” I hide my smirk from his view. I can do this, I can act normal, fake it ‘til you make it , right? I cry a lot but I can be productive. 

I move to the foot of the bed, capping the tincture vial, and see him break out into a grin. His eyebrows raise to his forehead. Trysten stops groaning, and his eyes are no longer squeezed shut, but merely closed. Ridoc transfers his gaze to Trysten.

“Damn, and you’re good at your job.” his eyebrows still raised. 

I know. 

I know I’m good. Because I’m miserable, and no one even knows.  

“I’d love to stay and chat, Cadet Gamlyn, and hear what joke is to be made of that comment. But I have other work to do. Your friend should be good until Nolon can tend to him.” I pick up my supplies and turn to walk away. 

He lets out a chuckle, “Glad to see you’re back, Isla.” he mutters as I walk away. I don’t correct him with my correct title. 

I can do this, I can act like I don’t have a broken heart. I can show them lies.

Chapter Text

Bri says I’ve been moping long enough. She’s partially right. I haven’t told her the full truth as to why I was so devastated hearing the news of a Rider’s passing, one who I hooked up with a total of one time. She was off with her Infantry guy, she didn’t even see me leave with Liam that night. 

I don’t think I could say it all out loud, repeating it all, reliving it all, would be death by a thousand cuts.

We’re headed to Chantara tonight, the local village that all quadrants go to hang out and let off some steam from being cooped up at Basgiath. Well, some of the quadrants, second year Rider’s and above are allowed to go to Chantara now. All riders had been banned for years after starting a fight that resulted in a building being burnt down. But this year, they’re allowing second year rider cadets.

 And now, second year is in full swing.

Liam should be part of that second year of riders. But he’s not. He’s gone. 

I need to let it go. I need to forget that any of it ever happened. And yet, I’m sitting here on my bed, clutching his flight jacket to my chest. Crucial evidence that I didn’t imagine the whole thing. The jacket I dream of him wearing after coming home from flight practice night after night. I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in over a fortnight. 

But the morning always comes, and he’s not here.

I need something else to fill my mind so I can stop with these fatal fantasies. Or maybe someone, as Bri says. 

I sigh and get off my bed, taking the jacket and tucking in the back of my armoire. Then start to sift through the varying styles of clothing, all varying shades of blue, mostly pale healer blue. It’s the end of August, very warm and muggy at Basgiath this time of year, so I consider dresses. 

I dress slowly to kill time. Letting my mind wander over each possible outfit so it stays preoccupied and not wandering back to the flight jacket in the back. 

I settle on a pale blue short sleeve blouse and skirt combo, with a slightly darker blue corset to top it off. 

“Isla! You ready?” Bri knocks on my door. 

I take one last look at myself, my eyes are less puffy, but it’s not much of an improvement. 

“Coming!” I call back. 

In the Six Talons pub in Chantara, I get drunk but it’s not enough. My metabolism runs through the alcohol too quickly. I hate it here. I hate the chandeliers flickering made up of the mage lights, and most of all, I hate that he’s not here. 

Bri and I are chatting with her Infantry cadet that she met during the night of the Reunification celebration. Rather, they are chatting, and I’m standing adjacent to them, clutching my wine and trying to put on a face a level above boredom.

I can’t help but let out a sigh, “I’m going to go grab another drink” I tell them and Bri gives me a nod, making her amber curls swish. The Infantry Cadet not even sparing me a glance. 

I roll my eyes and turn around. Heading to the bar, weaving through tons of cadets from Basgiath all seeking some relief from the constant duress of that place. I stop in my tracks when I see Ridoc Gamlyn and his squad gathered at the bar. Not to mention, Liam’s former squad.

I gasp and spin around abruptly, I am not ready to have that conversation with him. The one where we talk about him visiting me in the infirmary. Especially not while tipsy. 

I’m stopped short as I whirl right into another cadet in leather and black. 

“Shit! Apologies, Cadet…” Handsome. I look up at the recipient of my clumsiness. Maybe I’m more tipsy than I thought, the way he grabs my shoulders, steadying me, makes me think so. He’s tall, but not quite as tall as Liam, with full lips and light brown eyes, and a short beard that I didn’t know was a turn-on for me until now. He’s vaguely familiar but I can’t recall his name. And I can’t say Cadet Handsome outloud. 

“Cadet.” I say again with more finality, blinking up at him trying to clear my head. 

“Aetos.” he smiles, “Cadet Dain Aetos, remember? The medipacks for the new lieutenant's last year? Although, I missed you for the delivery.” he shifts his weight slightly, and crosses his hands behind his back.

I force a smile up at him, “Right.” Right. I was supposed to meet him. But then Liam died. Or rather, I found out Liam died. And a piece of me died too.

“Remind me again, it was Cadet…?” he trails off with the question hanging in the air. He brushes a curl out of my face, grazing my temple down to my cheek slightly.  

“Blair, Isla Blair.” I answer, and the room spins slightly. I keep my focus on him to keep myself from spinning as well, using him as my center.  

“Are you okay?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

I shake my head, “Yeah, I’m fine, thank you. I’m just a little dizzy, I probably shouldn’t get another drink, which is why I turned around.” I lie, hoping it makes sense.  

He looks up to the bar behind me, “Uh huh,” he says in a not so convinced tone. “Why don’t I grab you something more refreshing?” 

I try to make my smile more convincing, but I probably look manic. “Yeah, sure. That would be… great. Thank you.” I stumble to get out. 

He leaves me standing by a wooden beam and heads to the bar. I don’t turn around and watch him go so as not to accidentally make eye contact with Ridoc and his friends. 

I’m no fool, we both know what this could lead to. Cadets don’t go to Chantara to make friendly acquaintances. But honestly, he’s got that sexy boy-next-door thing going on. He seems like a safe place to melt into and make me forget that there isn’t a part of me right now that Liam didn’t last touch. Also, I have to admit he seems like a less treacherous choice than Cadet Gamlyn, who will hit on anything that walks.

I lean my back against the beam, taking a deep inhale, preparing myself. I should do this. I should rip off the bandaid and put Liam in the past. Maybe Cadet Aetos can help me do that. 

He returns and hands me a glass, I take a sip, the cold of it shocking me a little. “It's water?”

He chuckles, and leans forward, bracing his hand on the beam above my head. “Yeah, what did you think, Cadet Blair? I am a gentleman.” 

It’s now or never.

I reach up and adjust his collar that doesn’t need fixing, letting my fingers linger there.

“Are you always a gentleman, Cadet Aetos?” he leans in closer, and I catch the scent of fresh soap and the leather of his jacket. 

“Not entirely,” a smirk growing on his face. 

“Care to elaborate?” I look up at him, and take another sip of my water.

He chuckles, “Maybe not here.”

I rise up on my toes ever so much, so that our faces are only an inch apart. “Then care to show me a more suitable place?”

He gleams, his brown eyes narrowing in on me. “I can do that.”

“Well then what are you waiting for?” I lick my lips, and glance down from his eyes to his lips and back.

He doesn’t waste another second. He whirls around, and tugs my hand, leading me toward the door. I half turn around and place my glass of water on a random table as we pass by. Glancing back at the bar, looking for Brielle, I lock eyes with Ridoc Gamlyn. And he’s smirking my way. 

He can fuck right off with his judgments. Like his reputation isn’t well known. 

With a few stolen kisses along the way, we end up back at Basgiath, crossing the bridge from the Healer’s Quadrant into the Rider’s Quadrant. Most of the riders are already in bed, or still in Chantara. He leads me up a few flights of very narrow and steep stairs, but holds onto my hand the whole time. 

My heart starts to flutter in my chest. It’s a little exhilarating, sneaking around, other members of the quadrants aren’t really supposed to be in the Riders Quadrant. But I guess Cadet Aetos is willing to break this rule in order to elaborate for me. 

We reach what I assume to be his door at the end of the hall. He twists the door open without touching the knob, and steps through the entryway. Turning toward me, but still holding me at a distance across the threshold he says, 

“Come in.”

I raise an eyebrow slightly but step through the doorway. “So formal,” I joke.

He smiles, and closes the door behind me. “My room is warded so you have to be invited in order to gain entry.” He says with just a hint of arrogance. 

“Your room is warded? Is that normal for riders?” he’s still got a hold on my hand, walking backwards toward the massive bed dressed in black. His knees hit the back of the bed and he sits. 

“It is for wingleaders.” he smirks looking up at me.

I swing one leg up on one side of him, and then the other. “Ever the humble bragger, Cadet Aetos.” I run my hands through his hair and then keep them at his jawline, brushing his short stubble there with my thumb.

“You can add that to my list of titles, alongside gentleman, I guess.” he grips the back of my thighs, and I sink down to fully sit on his lap.

“I thought you were going to elaborate for me in what ways you weren’t a gentleman.” I grind my hips down, and brush his lips with mine. 

His eyes darken, and he catches my lip with his teeth for a moment. 

“Well then let’s get started,” he grips my thighs tighter and flips me onto my back. I’m sober enough now where the room doesn’t spin with the sudden movement, but I let out a shriek and giggle as my back hits the bed. 

He’s got a devilish grin on his face, he raises a hand and snaps with two fingers before nuzzling into my neck. The room dims, a few mage lights switching off. 

And maybe if I keep my eyes closed, he’ll look just like Liam.

Chapter Text

I wake up feeling a heavy arm on top of my chest. For a moment I can’t breathe, wondering if this is a dream or not. I’m afraid when I look down I’ll find a relic winding up that arm that holds me. 

I look over at the face the arm belongs to and don’t find bright shining blonde hair. Instead, I find a sandy brunette beside me, he’s sleeping on his stomach with his head turned toward me. I sigh a bit of relief, this is not a dream. I’m not dreaming of waking up next to Liam. 

No, maybe worse. This is reality, and I’m waking up next to a Cadet… a Cadet’s name that I can’t seem to remember. 

Aetos. That’s what he had said in Chantara last night in my drunken haze. And judging by the size of his room, he’s a pretty respected Cadet. It’s about four times the size of Liam’s that I visited last year, or a couple months ago, however you’d like to look at it. 

He shifts, pulling his arm from me, and slowly starts to blink his eyes open, a soft honeyed brown.

“Hey,” a lazy grin forms on his stubble covered face. 

“Hi,” I smile sheepishly. We’re both still naked underneath these sheets. 

“That was fun,” he props up on one arm. 

“It was,” I bite my lip, “But I better get back to the Healer’s Quadrant before I’m found out, and someone finds my bed unslept in.” I sit up, holding the sheets up to my chest, and reach for my blouse hanging over the foot of the bed. 

As I pull my blouse over my head, he turns onto his back. Throwing an arm behind his head, showing off his bicep as he does so. My heart pangs, as I’m reminded of that same move on Liam. One that he did daily while in the infirmary so I could clean his wound. 

I sit on the edge of the bed, picking up my skirt and sliding it on as I stand. I smooth my blouse into the top of my skirt, and pat my hands on my torso. I’m forgetting something. 

“Looking for this?” He says, and I turn around to see him holding my corset by the laces with one finger, smirking. 

I feel my cheeks warm with my blush. “Yes, if you wouldn’t mind?” I say as I kneel onto the bed, and turn my back towards him. I move my loose hair off to one shoulder and hold it in one hand. 

I feel his warm breath on my neck, and my own breath catches. He starts planting soft kisses from my neck up to my ear, my nipples peak underneath my thin blouse. 

“Dain,” I start to protest even though my body doesn’t. 

“What? It’s Sunday morning,” his hands find my hips and slide their way up to my breasts. “You don’t have time for a little more fun?”

Last night was fun. But last night I wasn’t entirely sober, making the thought of letting someone else all over me a hell of a lot easier.  

Because no matter how hard I try, I can’t change where I’ve been. I can’t change the fact that I still feel him all over me. I can’t change the fact that I still wish that it was him all over me. 

And that’s not fair to do to Dain. 

“ Dain,” I insist again and turn around to face him. His hair is all mussed from sleep, what poor timing, he really does have that sexy boy-next-door thing going on. 

He slides his hands up to cup my face. I place my arms around his neck, slightly keeping him at a distance. 

“As much as I really enjoyed last night, and I thank you,” he smirks and brushes his thumb across my lips. “I’m really not in a place… for something… consistent.” I choose my words carefully. 

His smirk turns into a genuine smile, and he brushes my hair behind my ear that doesn’t need coaxing. “I get it, last night was fun.” He says with more finality. 

I return his smile, and lean forward to lightly kiss his cheek. 

“Thanks.” I turn back around and lift my arms, and he slides my corset over my head. He laces it up in the back for me, and then leans in and kisses my right temple. Somehow, after a night drinking, then sleep and sex, he still smells like leather and soap. 

I swing my legs off the side of the bed, closest to the door. “I’ll see you around, Cadet Aetos.” I try to say casually, in a joking tone. 

He lays back down in bed, full abs on display with his hands behind his head. “I’ll see you, Cadet Blair.” He winks. 

I try to give him my best smile before I head for the door and twist the knob open. 

What truly shit timing. 

I scurry down the stairs as quietly as I can, sneaking past the floors carefully past the second and first year dorms. Once I’m in the stone hallways I just try to move as quickly as possible, no way to hide my the sound of my footsteps echoing down the stone halls. It’s not even 7 am yet but the summer sun is high and warming up quickly. 

I hear footsteps and murmurs from behind me, and I turn towards the sounds while simultaneouly quickening my step. I round a corner and run smack dab into something solid, someone.  

“Apologies! Cadet…” I look up to discover who my victim is, and find that it’s not a Cadet at all. “Excuse me, Lieutenant Riorson.”

He looks down at me, a line of confusion forming between his brows. “No worries, Cadet Blair. Can I help you find where you’re going… so early in the Riders Quadrant? On a… Sunday?” He raises one of those eyebrows.

Shit. What in Amari’s name do I say? No, actually I’m headed back to the Healers Quadrant after heading up here so early… for what?

I have no excuse. And frankly I’m too emotionally exhausted to come up with one.

I let out a heavy sigh and a smirk already grows on his face. 

“No, thank you. I think your discretion in not telling anyone you saw me here is enough.” 

He full blown smirks now, “You know I’m always discrete. ” 

My heart sinks. I know he means in light heartedly, but today, my heart can’t take it.

“Right…” and I can’t help but let my tone sound as crestfallen as my heart feels.

His expression shifts, “I’m sorry Cadet…”

“ Please,” I say annoyed, “I think you know me well enough to call me Isla.” I half roll my eyes in no direction in particular, and they threaten to swell. 

“Isla…” his tone softens, “Are you okay?”

My lip starts to quiver. “Okay? Maybe. Fine. Not at all.”

Why in Amaris name I’m telling him this, I have no idea. But he’s the only person I can talk to. 

He sighs, and runs a hand through his black hair. I notice he’s carrying a pack, he must be on his way out of Basgiath. That’s right, I had forgotten, his and Sorrengail’s dragons are mated, requiring his frequent visits. 

“Listen Isla, can I be frank?” 

I shrug at him. “Might as well.” 

“Liam loved you, I didn’t have to read his letter to know it. I know he had the full intention of returning back here to you, but fate had other plans. And I know he would have wanted you to be happy, with someone else. Or else he wouldn’t have said…”

He trails off as the tears fully form in my eyes, and one tear spills over onto my cheek. He brushes it away with the back of his forefinger. 

“You’re going to be fine, one day. You deserve to be loved, like he said. You just need to let someone.” 

The 6’4” deadly rider before me, doesn’t look so much like what people describe him as right about now. I’m sure not many people would believe me if I told them Xaden Riorson was being kind and wiping away my tears right now. This place is supposed to pretty much beat the humanity out of them, afterall. 

“Thank you, Xaden.” I look up into his eyes, and they soften. 

He nods, “I’m here every two weeks. I’ll come check on you when I can.”

Now I feel like a burden, “Oh no, really, that’s not necessary. I’ll be-”

“Fine? I know. But I feel I owe it to someone to make sure of that.” his brow furrows, and I get his meaning. 

Now it’s he that owes Liam a debt. “Take care of yourself.” he adds, and claps me on the shoulder.

He starts to walk away, “You too.” I call, but he’s already heading in the opposite direction. 

I take a deep breath, steadying myself, just in case Amari forbid, I run into any other riders. 

Xaden says he knows Liam loved me. But I wouldn’t know. I still haven’t read his letter. It’s tucked in the back of my armoire, along with his jacket. 

Reading his letter, hearing his last words to me, feels too final. Like once I do, there’s no other part of him left for me to hold onto. Like maybe if I hold out, and I don’t read his letter, it might not be true. He might still come back and say the words to me himself. 

But like Xaden said, fate intervened. And we were never really meant to be. 

I know that. 

I know that. I know that. I know that.

So why is it I still feel him all over me?

Chapter Text

I move through the motions the next few weeks, and I’m crying less, but I still don’t feel like myself. As if I’ll ever feel like myself again. I’m bitter, I have an extremely low tolerance for just about anything or anyone. Which works to the benefit of my title as a Lead Healer, as my reign on the first year healer cadets is tight . 

I try to hand off and delegate as many tasks as possible, but still, I get saddled with a frequent flyer once in a while. 

Violet Sorrengail lands herself in the infirmary, again.

I begrudgingly wrap her arm in bitter silence. It’s not anything personal, it’s not like I hate her. 

But I just don’t like her… adjacent. 

It’s silly, and stupid, and totally anti-feminist. But can I just not be the bigger person just this once?

I know her and Liam never had anything romantic going on. But maybe if it wasn’t for her, and Riorson, and the trouble those two always seem to be involved in… Liam would still be here. 

I’m bitter about it, but I swear I’m fine. 

Or at least that’s what I tell myself as I wrap her arm, tossing my supplies around with just a little too much force.

“Hey, I never asked how you were doing, Cadet Blair?” I guess she can’t stand the awkward silence any longer.

My gaze collides with her amber-blue-hazel eyes, giving her an incredulous look, “And why would you, Cadet Sorrengail? I’m the healer, you’re the patient.”

A line forms between her brows and I look back down at my task. “Well… because of Liam. You two seemed really… friendly while he was here in the infirmary. And I know he had a thing for you…”

My eyes flash to hers before she can continue. To what extent does she know of mine and Liam’s relationship? Did Xaden tell her what had happened? I can’t help the look on my face that must show my mixture of confusion and.. anger quite frankly. 

What right does she have asking me about this? 

My eyes search hers for answers, and I feel my breathing start to get raspy. 

She must see the look on my face, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, I just… I’m sorry. He was one of my closest friends.” I try to make my chest relax a little and I look down to her injured arm once again. 

“I just wish I could have done more,” she mutters, half to herself. 

What. the. fuck?

I look at her again in shock. “What do you mean? Done more?”  

She looks at me nervously, biting her lip. “I mean… Liam was protecting me, he and Deigh were protecting Tairn and myself. I wish I could have done more when Deigh-”

“Cadet Sorrengail, I’m afraid I’m lost. You’re going to have to start from the beginning. I was never informed regarding how Cadet Mairi died.” I tell her frankly. 

My chest flutters again and my breathing comes out shallow. I feel a panic attack coming on, but I have to know. 

She looks at me sorrowfully, “We… were attacked. Liam performed amazingly. But… Deigh, his dragon, was attacked while trying to defend Tairn, my dragon, and I. It was too much, Deigh… was eviscerated. And a Rider cannot live without their dragon… I held onto him, but he only had minutes before he passed as well.”

I feel as if a block of stone was dropped into my stomach. I can’t believe I went this long without knowing exactly how Liam died. It’s been over a month since I heard the news, how did I never question it?

Liam left me, he chose not to come back to me, for Violet fucking Sorrengail. This contradicts what Riorson had said. 

Violet Sorrengail is the reason I am not carrying Liam’s child at this time. Even though it’s not something I wanted or wished for, she’s the reason I didn’t even get the chance to even want it. 

The realization makes me gasp, and my throat threatens to swell up with tears. I drop the sling that I had been putting together for her arm, my hands trembling. Her gaze flashes down to the sling and up to me. I quickly use my hands to smooth my apron at my waist to hide their trembling. 

“Apologies, Cadet Sorrengail. But this sling isn’t the right size. Let me go get the correct one.”

Her jaw drops, as if she’s about to say something. But I quickly turn on my heels and leave before she can. 

I walk to the back of the infirmary where we keep the supplies, Brielle is heading toward me with her arms full of supplies of her own. 

“Bri!” I hiss, and grab her by the arm as she passes by. She stops abruptly and looks me up and down wide-eyed. 

“Isla? What is it, are you okay?” 

My heart thunders in my chest, and the room starts to spin around me. 

“No, I’m suddenly feeling nauseous with a migraine coming on. Can you cover me for a bit? Cadet Sorrengail needs a sling for her arm.” I don’t look at her as I tell her quickly. I might be squeezing her arm a little too hard, and I clutch my abdomen, hoping to hold down its contents there. 

I see her amber curls move from side to side from my peripheral view. “Sure, yes of course. Go lie down or something, I’ll have Dyre help me out.”

I let my hand slip from her arm, “Thank you,” I rush off and exit through the rear doors of the infirmary. 

As soon as I do, my breaths turn into hyperventilations. I’m not going to make it to my room before the tears come on. Damn it, I think I had finally made it a few days without any tears. 

I take a door that leads down to the tunnels underground and dive into an alcove at the bottom of the stairs. 

I try to steady my breathing, my sobs beginning to echo throughout the tunnel. 

“Cadet Blair?” 

I open my eyes, and see the outline of a familiar stubble-covered face with a sharp jawline coming into focus. “Cadet Aetos? Uh.. how are you?” The sight of him slows down my breathing. Finally someone I don’t have to play games with. 

He looks down both sides of the hallway, and then approaches me. “Fine, but uh, are you okay?” his brows scrunch in concern and his mouth twists. An expression that's quite endearing, and for a moment it's also nice having someone actually ask if I’m okay. 

I smile and take a step towards him, “Not really,” I reach a hand out, and toy with the collar of his jacket. “But maybe you could be my perfect remedy?”

He grins slowly, looking me up and down. “It’s good to see you,” he says. I take the opportunity and pull him down by his collar to kiss me, urgently. 

He returns the kiss, and brings an arm around my waist, backing us up against the wall of the alcove. I fist one hand in his hair, and the other inside his jacket where I can feel his toned warm body. I could lose myself in him right about now, and forget all my other worries. I press up against him, and I can feel him going hard underneath his pants. 

“ Fuck.” he growls. 

The sound makes me giggle, “What? Not something you’re interested in?” I tease, because clearly he’s very much obliging. 

He brings his forehead to mine, squeezing his eyes shut, “No… I just, I actually have to go. I have a lesson with…” he trails off but opening his eyes, he brushes my face with his thumb as he speaks.

“Oh!” I pull back slightly, “I’m so sorry. Of course you were going somewhere, and I just accosted you in a dark alley, basically.” I tighten my lips together out of embarrassment looking back and forth down the dark tunnel. 

I’m such a mess. One moment having a panic attack about an ex-lover who died. The next, ready to jump in bed with another. 

He lets out a raspy chuckle, “No, it’s fine. I think we both need to let off some steam.”

I look up at him, biting my lip. Well at least we’re both in agreement as to what this is. 

He brushes my hair behind my neck, holding it there, his thumb lazily grazing my face. “How about afterwards, in my room. You’re clearly running from something, you can hide in there. My door will let entry to anyone who's been invited in before.”

I can’t help but smile up at him. Perfect, I need to get as far away from Violet Sorrengail upstairs right now, and away from the Healers Quadrant. I hate it here and now I have somewhere to go. Something to distract me from my inner life.

“Thank you,” I say and he bends down to kiss me lightly. 

“I’ll meet you in a few hours,” he says with a grin, “Third floor, down the hall..”

“I remember.” I cut him off with a smirk. 

His eyes darken knowingly, and he retreats down the hall. Once he turns around I head down the other direction, taking the tunnels as far as I can so no one in the Healers Quadrant sees that I’m not where I’m supposed to be. 

I start to get giddy, and have a pep in my step as I cross the bridge. I’m playing hooky. I’m being completely reckless, and it feels good. I consider that this might be a new adrenaline addiction forming. It only makes sense that my brain would become addicted to the dopamine and adrenaline high after probably being loaded with stress and sadness for weeks. 

I slip into the riders dorms, no one is really around at this time of day, they’re all in classes. I head up the stairs, it’s odd being here in the daytime and it makes the experience even more exhilarating. 

I land on the second floor, distracted by my giddy thoughts and almost run straight into a solid chest wearing rider black. 

“Oomf… Isla?” the chest asks with a huff. I take a step back and look up at who the voice belongs to. All the air gets sucked out of my lungs, and my day just turned for the worse again. 

“Ridoc! What are you doing here? Don’t you have class?” I stammer. 

He narrows his eyes, taking a step towards me. “What am I doing here? On my own floor of the dorms… In the Riders Quadrant? In the middle of the day?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “The better question is what are you doing here, Isla? A Healer, in the middle of the day, on the way up to the third floor of the riders’ dorms?”

I bite my lip because I have no idea how I could possibly have an explanation that would make sense. 

“My whereabouts are none of your business, Cadet Gamlyn. Good day.” I move to pass him but he puts his arm out, blocking my escape route toward the stairs up to the third year floor. 

“And what if I’d like to make it my business?” he says in a husky voice and takes a step towards me again. A wry grin forms on his face. I get a wave of that scent of his again, leather from his jacket that blocks my way, and that scent of sweet citrus yet floral and all together spicy… bergamot, my favorite. 

I take a side step back and my back hits the wall. He has me pinned. “And what could you possibly mean by that, Cadet Gamlyn?” because I can’t think of something more clever to say with him this close, and smelling that good. All I can do is deflect. 

I try to control my breathing, but I’ve been holding my breath since getting that first wave of his scent. And I desperately need to take a deep breath but don’t want to draw attention to my chest. 

He leans in so his mouth is inches away from my ear and I notice the dimple on his chin, “I mean, if you were looking for nooner with a third year rider cadet, I fuck like a third year. ”

His breath on my neck sends chills down my spine, and I finally can’t take it any longer and need to breathe. His eyes glance downward at my chest as I do and then back up to meet my eyes. His gaze is smoldering. 

I lick my lips because suddenly my mouth has gone completely dry. He’s close enough that if I were to turn my head, our lips would meet. I briefly consider it. 

Fuck it, right? If I can’t have Liam, does the who make a difference? 

My thoughts are broken by a burst of laughter that echoes up the stairs leading up to the second floor. Ridoc turns his head towards the sound, breaking his gaze from me. I take my chance to escape and duck under his arm, making a dash for the third year stairs and quickly run by his squadmates that I recognize, Rhiannon Matthias and Sawyer Henrick. 

I don’t get to see the looks on their faces when I hear Ridoc groan, “Damnit to Dunne, guys! I was so close!! You’re such cock blocks!” The laughter starts up in new bursts.

“Oh come on, like you were really that close, with her !?” I hear a male voice, Sawyer likely, say. 

I run up the stairs and reach the third floor. I’m out of breath, partially from running and partially from holding it for so long before that. I take long strides to reach Dain’s door before Ridoc can have time to follow me. 

I turn the handle, and it unlocks. Dain had said that it would unlock and allow entry to anyone who had been invited in before. Like some vampire. Except this is the daytime.

What in Amari’s name am I doing, going to wait in a guys room?

To hook up… in broad daylight?

On a weekday?

I’ve clearly gone insane. This isn’t me at all. The fact that I even considered hooking up with Ridoc Gamlyn for a millisecond also proves so. 

I run my hands through my hair and let out an exasperated groan, collapsing onto Dain’s bed. I sit up on my forearms, the entire room is meticulously neat. I didn’t pay much attention to it the last time I was here. The room is black. Not in darkness, but in color, or lack thereof. Everything is floor to ceiling black almost. 

I hate it here. This isn’t me. As if I know who “ me” is anymore.

But now I can’t risk running into Ridoc and his squad again. I’m stuck here for at least some time until I can be sure they’re not lurking around the corner. 

I sigh and kick off my shoes, scooting up to the top of his bed to lay my head on the pillow. Maybe if I close my eyes, I’ll be able to sleep peacefully for once if I sleep in a bed that isn’t haunted like mine.

Chapter Text

His calloused hands are on my face, he pulls away from the kiss and looks down at me with his shining bright sky blue eyes. I hold onto his hands, hoping to keep him right here with me. 

“I’ll be back, I’m not finished with you yet.” a slight smirk grows on his face, but his eyes slant downward as his brow furrows.

“Just come back in one piece,” I try to say without making it sound too much like begging. 

He smiles, truly, then slides one hand into my hair, to the back of my neck. He brings my head down, kissing me on the forehead lightly.

“I love you.” he murmurs into my forehead. 

I shut my eyes, my throat chokes up. “I love you too, Liam.”

He pulls away, trotting backwards, keeping his eyes on me, and he winks. 

I stand on the edge of the flight field, and finally he turns around, jogging up to Deigh. He mounts Deigh with such ease, it’s beautifully breathtaking.

They take off, but I blink, and moments later, they’re both falling through the sky. 

“NOOOOOO!” I howl like a wolf at the moon, watching as Liam falls and a massive black dragon swoops down below him. A petite female figure catches Liam, silver strands fly around covering her face. But I know who it is, and she’s just in time.

But it’s no use. 

The ground shudders, and I jolt my gaze downwards. Deigh lays on the ground, eviscerated, blood beginning to pool. 

A dragon without its rider is a tragedy, but a rider without their dragon is… dead.

I drop to my knees, and cradle my swollen pregnant belly. Wailing, but no sounds come out as I watch. Liam’s heavenly face falls lifeless out of her arms as they land. Malek having welcomed another soul home. 

Violet

I wake up hyperventilating. My hand flies to my abdomen. It’s flat, where just moments ago in my dream, I was… pregnant? Watching Liam die?

But that’s wrong. I saw myself in the dream. How could I have been in two places at once? Watching the scene up above and also partaking in it. And why was I pregnant?

Whatever the hell that dream was about, it’s just another one of many that I have night after night of that battle in Resson. I turn over in bed, hoping to get some sleep before I have to wake up in probably just a few hours to go run with Imogen. 

Isla

My eyes flash open and reach out my hands reflexively, as if to catch something. But in my dream where Liam was falling, now there’s only the high stone ceiling of Dain’s room. The room is nearly pitch black, moonlight filtering through the curtains is my only illumination as I turn to find Dain asleep next to me. 

His head is turned toward me and he’s quite boyish looking now. Asleep on his stomach, one arm outstretched above him and the other underneath the pillow.

My heart sinks in my chest a little. For a second, I wish someone could redo the prophecy. If this could be my life, but just exchange this man for the one I love. 

And now I feel like complete shit for doing this to Dain. He’s nice, I’m sure, if I took the time to get to know him. 

I should get back to the Healer’s Quadrant. It’s a weekday, so for sure Brielle will come knocking on my door in the morning to collect me, if she hasn’t tried already and figured out I’m not in my room. She wouldn’t say anything, of course, but I wouldn’t want her to have to cover for me, again.

I slowly rise out of bed, careful not to wake Dain. Then I head over to his desk, searching for a quill and paper. I find the quill, but no ink. I don’t want to go digging through the drawers of his desk to try and find ink, making a bunch of noise which is counterintuitive to writing a note to say thank you and goodbye. 

“Shit.” I whisper to myself. 

Well, I tried. It looks like I’m going to have to be the asshole and leave without saying goodbye. 

I pick up my shoes, I’ll wait to put them on until I’m out in the hall to keep quiet. 

Gods know what time it is, but hopefully it’s late enough where everyone is asleep, especially, on the second floor. 

I turn the knob as slowly and quietly as I can, and creep out into the hall, closing it just as quietly. When I turn around I gasp at the sight of a male figure standing a few steps before me. A shirtless male figure. 

In the darkness of the shadows, for a second I think it’s Xaden Riorson. But as he steps forward into view, a single mage light illuminating his face, I see it’s not. 

The Xaden look-alike face smirks. “Cadet…Healer.” he crosses his arms across his bare chest, and I try not to look downward. 

“Cadet…” I trail off, not knowing his name. He’s blocking my way towards the stairs.

“Durran. Bodhi Durran.” he smirks even wider.

I bite my lip, “Nice to meet you, Cadet Durran.” Although my flat tone says otherwise.

“Doing some healing in there?” he raises an eyebrow and nods his chin to the door behind me. 

I’m tired of games. I’m tired of all these games, especially with riders. I offset my jaw, pressing my tongue against my bottom teeth and sigh through my nose, “Oh I wish.” 

He half-chuckles, half-scoffs and narrows his eyes, giving me an incredulous look. 

“Goodnight, Cadet Durran.” I say and move to pass him towards the stairs. 

He half turns, clearing the way for me. “Goodnight, Cadet…?”

“Blair.” I call, giving him a wave with my shoes, beginning to descend down the stairs quickly. I slip on my shoes once I reach the bottom. Fuck it, I guess. Like it makes a difference what another rider thinks of me. 

Liam’s gone, and there’s no sign of soulmates.

Chapter Text

I sigh when I see what lays before me in one of my assigned beds for the day in the infirmary.

“What did you do now, Cadet Gamlyn?” His cheek is split wide open . Clearly he took a mean right hook from someone, probably for his smart mouth. 

“Who said I did anything? And I thought we were on a first name basis now, Isla? ” he flashes me a grin with the side of his mouth that isn’t wounded. 

I stop myself from visibly wincing at what he’s referencing. In the infirmary, when he came to visit me, I called him by his first name, and vice versa. That doesn’t count, I was in an incredibly vulnerable state. 

But I don’t tell him any of this and glare at him in my peripheral vision. His eyes look me up and down. I sigh in annoyance, but I feel my chest lighten as I turn to him fully and see his grin. 

“It’s always you. And as long as you keep ending up here in my infirmary bed, you’re my patient. Therefore, I’ll call you, Cadet Gamlyn.”

He smirks a devilish grin, “And if I end up in just your bed, what will you call me then?” he leans over on his forearm on his side in my direction. 

I look down, fussing with my supplies, while approaching him, stalling. “Or maybe… if you end up in mine. You know, whichever you prefer, I’m flexible.” He winks and leans back to cross his arms behind his head.

“ That will never happen. So, Cadet Gamlyn it is.” I refrain from biting my lip. 

His smile doesn’t falter even a bit. “We’ll see about that.” 

I drop my supplies on the metal tray by his bed with a clatter. “Cadet Gamlyn, am I going to have to come get Cadet Dyre to tend to your wound? Or can I work in peace?”

“Fine,” His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and he brings his hands up in surrender and then back behind his head. The feeling I get catches me by surprise. He flexes biceps again, and I have to refrain from biting my lip again.

He turns his head to expose his injured cheek. I shake my head slightly, clearing it. “Anyways, I’d rather not have a scar from this one, even if it was honorably earned.” he grins with one side of his mouth so as not to scrunch the side of his face with the wound. 

I approach him with a wad of gauze dampened with sterile saline, “And how was this one so honorably earned?” I ask, taking the bait for his entertainment. 

He flashes his eyes to meet mine, gleaming, clearly ready to gloat. “I was defending a friend.”

“Oh? And what friend?” I ask, raising an eyebrow, curious as to whether this is a friend or just a friend. 

He drops all expressions of mischief and looks back away so I can clean the wound right, “Violet.” he answers simply.

Of fucking course. It’s always her. I raise both my eyebrows now and roll my eyes, careful not to let out a scoff that he’d catch. 

But he catches the last bit of my expression. “And what was that for?”

“Nothing, nothing.” I try to recover, but he pins me with a look. I sigh, “It just seems that Violet Sorrengail always needs lots of… defending.” my tone falls from joking to flat. 

First Liam, Cadet Aetos, now Ridoc Gamlyn. When will my type stop being men who defend Violet Sorrengail? And since when did my type include Ridoc Gamlyn?

His expression softens, “You don’t blame… Isla you can’t keep-” 

I cut him off before he can finish that thought, “ It’s Cadet Blair.”  I correct him. 

You don’t blame Violet for Liam’s death do you?

You can’t keep pining over him.

All likely questions he meant to ask. But he just shuts his mouth, and just looks back at the ceiling. 

I blow out a puff of air, “Wow, silence? Cadet Gamlyn, I thought you were smooth with words.” I nod my head teasingly. I’m trying to be less bitter these days, and I feel sorry for snapping at him. “And I can do as I please, for the record.” I say in a teasing tone, trying to ease the tension with humor. 

“Oh, I know you can, Isla. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about catching you sneaking around the third floor of the riders dorms.” he winks and flashes me a grin. 

He has me there. I let the corner of my mouth raise in not quite a smirk. “You are the one calling it sneaking. I could have just been on an errand.”

“So you’re denying it then?”

“No, I’m just saying you’re putting words in my mouth.” 

“I’d like to put-”

“Enough! Cadet Gamlyn. I can pass off this task to another healer cadet if you’d like a new scar, would you?” 

He shuts his mouth tightly, but still looks at me with mischief in his eyes. I roll my eyes and begin to gather my supplies to patch up the wound. I’m paying attention to his wound, but I feel his eyes on me. I’m not sure how I feel about letting him use my first name, or how I feel about my face slowly creeping into a red flush. 

I apply the last steri-strip, “There,” I say and grab a small tin of my personal recipe of healing salve from the pocket of my apron. “Now, apply this twice a day, morning or night. Or after you get the area wet.”

His eyebrows shoot up to almost meet his hairline. “DON’T turn that into a filthy joke, Cadet Gamlyn. I think that’s enough for today.” 

He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed, we’re face to face now. He leans forward slightly, looking up at me grinning like a devil.

“Thank you, Isla. ” he says emphasizing my name. 

My eyelids flutter, as I actively try to stop my eyes from flickering down to his lips and that dimpled chin as he draws out of my name. 

“You’re released now, Cadet Gamlyn. ” I don’t give him the satisfaction of using his first name. He stands from the bed and towers over me, looking down at me with a smirk.

“Hey, it’s only fair you call me, Ridoc .” He leans down so I can feel his breath on my ear, “I’ll be seeing you, Isla.”

His warmth and that scent of bergamot threatens to send shivers down my spine. I take a deep breath, steadying myself, and side eye him. But when I meet his eyes, I see they’re gazing slightly more downward, towards my chest. 

“Good bye, Ridoc. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you here again within a fortnight, no doubt.” I glare up at him, and he finally meets my eyes. 

He leans down even more so slightly, “I’m sure you will. But feel free to seek me out anytime. You know where I sleep.” he says barely above a whisper. 

I suck in a breath in disbelief, but can’t help but flicker my gaze down to his lips. His eyes darken, and he lets out a silent laugh. My eyes widen at his audacity, and he retreats, walking past me with a quick brush, backwards. He grins at me as he heads out of the infirmary.  

I stand there, too stunned to move. Time moves in slow motion, my vision doubles slightly as I can feel myself blush and feel slightly dizzy. 

He finally turns around, and claps another healer cadet on the shoulder. Cadet Wesley, a third year healer cadet with wavy sandy blonde hair. He side eyes Ridoc as he passes, looking him up and down, and not in a confused or disgusted way either. No, quite the opposite. 

My chest tightens, and I can’t help but feel a pang of… jealousy run through me?

I meet Bri’s eyes as I turn around, bringing my attention away from where Ridoc retreated. She smirks, and her eyebrows go up slightly in a question.

I roll my eyes and walk towards her gathering my dirty supplies to suppose of.

She has a single eyebrow raised at me as I approach, “What was that about?” 

I glare at her, “Absolutely nothing of the sort that you may be implying.” I toss my supplies away with just a little too much force. 

Absolutely nothing. Cadet Aetos was something else. But I cannot get involved with another rider again beyond that. 

She follows me into the supply room as I search for supplies to restock my station. 

“Listen, Isla. I know you didn’t sleep in your bed the other night… and if not Cadet Gamlyn’s then-” I side-eye her, clearly confirming that his bed was not where I slept. “ Whoever. I’m not judging your choices. I just think that whatever you have going on, you shouldn’t be grieving for evermore.”

I sigh. “I know, Bri. Trust me, I know. And I’m trying. But I just won’t be trying with that particular rider.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Cadet Blair.” She puts her hands up in mock defeat, mocking my serious ’Lead Healer’ tone I used on her. Maybe she’s right. 

But a fluttering in my chest betrays my own words. I had a peculiar feeling, watching him leave. I just don’t know if I can trust Ridoc Gamlyn with any part of me, even just for fun.

And maybe I couldn’t be sure, but Bri is definitely right, this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.

Chapter Text

I gasp and drop the tincture I’m holding as the first thing I see is that name tag stitched onto the Rider’s uniform that I’m about to heal. His name tag. The tincture I held shatters on the floor. A first-year Healer quickly scurries over to clean it up as I stand frozen at the foot of the bed. 

No. Not his. That’s impossible. A blonde female wears the rider’s uniform bearing the name Mairi. 

This must be Sloane, his sister. Her sky blue eyes, a striking resemblance to his, flash towards me. She wears a mixture of confusion and annoyance on her face. No doubt this isn’t the first time she’s experienced this reaction. 

“Are you going to stitch me up, or just stand there? I have Battle Brief in an hour.” she quips. 

Wow, so NOT Liam. 

“Apologies, Cadet Mairi,” I say and nearly choke on the name. 

“Ahh,” she says and clucks her tongue. “You knew my brother.” It isn’t a question. She smirks, raising an eyebrow at me. “Kind of gross learning about my brother’s past exploits, post mortem, like this.” She says, ending with a slight gag sound. 

My heart drops at the same time as it flares with fire in my chest. “It wasn’t like that,” I begin to say as I take the new tray and tinctures from an approaching Healer. 

“So you didn’t fuck him?” she quips, continuing to smirk. The First Year Healer’s eyes widen, he hands me the tray and quickly scurries off again. 

I tighten my lips between my teeth, holding back from rolling my eyes, “I wouldn’t say…” I begin but she cuts me off.

“You fucked him. No judgement, I’m just surprised a distinguished Healer Cadet like yourself would stoop so low. I was told I was getting stitched up by one of the best.”

I bite the inside of my cheek but decide to ignore her statement and focus on the task at hand. She might just beat Violet Sorrengail for the most prying rude female rider. I sit down and begin to undo the haphazard wrap around her forearm. 

“I stitched him up too, you know, he nearly got himself killed after getting run through with a sword last year.”

She scoffs, “yeah, but then he did get himself killed, protecting Violet. fucking. Sorrengail. ” Her words would drip with venom if they could. 

So I guess I’m not the only one who isn’t too fond of her.

I sigh but don’t respond, focusing on cleaning the poorly dressed wound. I work a few minutes and we sit in awkward silence. It should only need a few stitches, and not leave a scar if she uses my salve faithfully. 

“So..” she starts, her tone softer than before. “It wasn’t like that between you… and him?”

I look up at her, and there's nothing but sorrow in those sky blue eyes that also belonged to him. She’s desperate to know more about him, I know. I heard only after Liam passed that they were separated as children after the apostasy, they call it. The last time she knew him she must have been only thirteen or fourteen years old. She had to grow up and mature without her older brother watching over her. 

“Well…” I smile, and prepare to put forth some information to help bring some humor to the situation and hopefully lighten her mood. “Not to say it wasn’t entirely like that between us. He spent weeks in the infirmary while I was his primary Healer. We grew close, but of course nothing more could happen in those circumstances. I, a Healer, he, my patient. But we reconnected at the Reunification Day celebration for the King, the night before he was sent to Athebyne…” I trail off before I add ‘and to his death’, “but for a brief moment it was, like that between us.” I add on instead, in a hopefully convincing, humorous tone. 

She makes a sound that's a mixture of a gag and a scoff. “GROSS!!” 

I let myself chuckle and secure the wrap around her forearm, no real stitches needed, just glue. I take a tin of my own salve from the tray the First Year Healer handed me. 

“Alright, so, I want you to apply this before bed every night, and after every time you bathe or get the area wet. The bandage is just to protect it from reopening up as the glue sets. You shouldn’t need to change it after today, and it’s alright to get the area wet starting tonight.” I say as I place the tin in her hand. 

She closes it, and then quirks an eyebrow, a curious look on her face. 

“Hey..” she starts, and I meet her eyes. “You’re a Healer, right?”

I laugh partially confused, “Did I not just heal you? And, are you not in the Healer’s quadrant?”

She rolls her eyes, so much attitude that did not exist in Liam. 

“No, I mean… I just.. I think I have something that belongs to you.” she says while sitting up and swinging her legs off the side of the bed. 

“What do you mean? What could you possibly have that’s mine?” I ask, confusion still across my face.

“Well at least I think it’s yours.” she says, “Sorrengail gave me a few of Liam’s things that weren’t burned along with the rest,”

There’s that Sorrengail again. 

I gulp as I know for fact not all of his things were burned. I still have his flight jacket, I mean it was technically mine when he died, it was in my possession at least. 

“It’s a blue, silky thing. Healer blue, I think.” 

I suck in a sharp inhale as a pit forms in my stomach. My cape. 

I had forgotten all about it in my grief. It’s not like I need it anyways. Not a lot of formal events happening during a full blown war. 

“Oh-- yeah.” I manage to get out. 

“Yeah, I guess Sorrengail didn’t burn it because she knew it wasn’t his. Come by the Rider’s Quadrant sometime and I’ll give it to you.”

She stands and turns to walk away. I’m too stunned to fully respond. 

She turns back around, “What is it, by the way? It doesn’t really seem like a.. sexy clothing item, you know? But too big to be a handkerchief.” 

“It’s a cape,” I say without looking up at her. I thought I was starting to actually move on, but this physical representation of that night has brought me fully back. 

“Huh..” she says, still not fully understanding what it is. 

“It’s part of my dress uniform.” I say finally looking up at her into his matching blue eyes.

“Oh. I see…” she ponders, “from that night, from his last night here.” she comes to a conclusion and there’s no questionable tone in her statement. 

“Yes.” I say matter of factly, trying not to think of that night any further. I stand and begin to collect my tools and dirty items up onto my tray.

“I’ll come see you, I have something for you as well.” I look into her sky blue eyes, trying to give her a polite smile that doesn’t end up reaching my eyes. 

She shifts her tone to confusion, swinging her legs to sit up at the side of the bed. “How could you have something of mine? I wasn’t here last year?” 

I fight the urge to bite my lip. “Not yours, his . But you should have it.”

She scrunches her forehead in further confusion and a touch of frustration. It must be hard feeling like so many people knew your own brother better than you did. 

“ What? But how could you not burn it with the rest of his things?”

I let out a slight sigh, conflicted, because I probably should have, but technically…

“Because technically it was mine when he died. He gave it to me, and we were going to exchange these very items when he got back… But he never did.” I say. And it takes all of my heart not to say it in anger as I turn to walk away from her.

Forgetting Liam has been like trying to remember someone I never met, and maybe without this physical reminder looming in the back of my closet, it might just be a bit easier. 

He never came back, and it’s time now, time to let go. Sloane is here now, and she deserves a piece of her brother that I have the ability to give to her.

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since I’d seen Sloane in the infirmary, and it took me one whole week to finally decide to dig out Liam’s jacket from the back of my armoire. Then it took another week for me to decide to finally let it go. It doesn’t belong to me, and it maybe never did. 

I sent a missive to her yesterday, and we arranged a meeting time for today. I clutched the jacket to my chest, folding it in between my arms, but it was a stark contrast to the healer blue I wore head to toe. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone and feel their assumed judgment.  

It’s a gloomy day as autumn begins to settle in, matching my mood. This entire place is dressed in shades of gray and black, and I stand out all too well in my pale blue uniform. 

“Isla!” a voice calls as I dash past a group of cadets. I internally groan, I’m in no mood to deflect flirtatious advances today. The voice catches up with me. 

“Cadet Blair, you know for a healer cadet you sure are in the Riders Quadrant a lot. I don’t remember seeing you walk the parapet? And as I recall, it’s against Article 2, Section 3 of the Codex.” I turn my head slightly to find Ridoc Gamlyn teasing and trotting after me. His boot steps echo down the halls of the Riders Quadrant. 

I shoot him a glare in my periphery, “I’m just returning something to a rider cadet, Cadet Gamlyn. And that only applies to uninvited Cadets, I was invited.”

I quickly walk across the courtyard towards the first year dorms, but he has no problem keeping up with my strides.  “Oh I know you were invited, if you’re looking for your third year friend again, might I interest you in a pit stop on the second floor?” he teases. 

“Thank you, for your kind offer, Cadet Gamlyn” my tone dripping with sarcasm. He smirks, “But I’m actually looking for a First Year Cadet, do you know Cadet Sloane Mairi?” I ask, emphasis on the Sloane . 

“Sloane?” his expression looks genuinely confused for a second, “Yeah, I mean she’s in my squad. How do you even know her?”

He looks down to my hands and sees what I’m carrying. I quickly try to cover up my truth and give him only a half truth. 

“I don’t, I saw her in the infirmary recently. This is for her.” I hold up the jacket slightly, careful not to specify ‘ this is hers’. Because it's not, not exactly.  

He looks down to the jacket and then to my face. He cocks an eyebrow at me, “Oh, and since when does Sloane have a signet patch, or a Gauntlet patch for that matter? She barely made it up that death climb.”

I sigh, deflecting.  “I don’t know the ways of your rider customs, Cadet Gamlyn. All I know is that I’m looking for Cadet.. Sloane Mairi” I stumble on whether to say just Mairi or Sloane Mairi. 

He nods his head and tightens his lips, “Ah ha, well, I’d be happy to escort you, but I think you should probably be headed toward the temple of Malek in the Academic Wing.”

I stop dead in my tracks, gravel ceasing to crunch underneath my feet. Ridoc takes a step or two without realizing I’m with him. He turns, realizing I’m not there, and his expression drops when he sees my face. I can’t control or reel in my features. I can only imagine there’s a mixture of shock and sorrow there matching what I’m feeling. 

He takes a step toward me, “Listen…” he starts but I put my hand up and stop him. 

“Whatever you’re going to say, Ridoc. Please don’t. Just leave me alone if you’re not going to help me.”

He bites his lip and runs his hand through this freshly buzzed hair. He sighs, “Fine, Isla. I just don’t think holding onto any of this is good for you.”

“Did I ask for what you think?!” I snap, and we get a few odd looks. The courtyard is bustling during midday rush, but at least it’s not so odd to see a healer cadet walking around the Riders Quadrant this time of day.  

He reels back as if I just physically struck him, his eyes widening slightly. I start to tremble, clutching the jacket to my abdomen. He brings the hand he was using to run through his hair lightly to my elbow, eyes darting around the courtyard and leading me to the side behind a pillar. 

My breath is ragged, and once we get there, I close my eyes briefly and let out a sigh, steadying myself. Willing tears not to form in my eyes, at least not for him to see. 

“I’m not holding onto anything, that’s why I need to find Cadet Mairi.” I look up to meet his soft brown eyes, “ Please, Ridoc, I’d appreciate your help so I don’t waste anymore time here.” I try to say with more professionalism and less venom in my tone. But I really do want to get out of here as quickly as possible. 

His mouth twists, but his eyes soften. He slides his hand down to take my hand. His hand is warm, and I notice the relic of his dragon on his upper arm of the hand that holds mine. 

“Okay, let’s go.” he squeezes my hand, and leads me towards the first year dorms. 

“Thank you,” I whisper as I exhale. 

He continues to hold my hand, his fingers intertwined with mine as we walk, and I let him. I even squeeze his hand back slightly, trying to dispel my nerves. I’m too anxious about this meeting to worry about what other people might think, seeing us hold hands walking down the halls. 

We approach one of the uniform doors that could belong to any cadet. For all I know, this could have been Liam’s room as well, they all look the same.

“We’ve arrived at your destination, milady.” Ridoc makes a show of gesturing to the door with a slight bow, letting go of my hand. 

I actually let out a slight chuckle, “Thanks.” he straightens, and begins to back away. I face the door, but abruptly turn around back towards him.

“Would you…” he stops in his tracks, and a slight smirk grows on his face as he takes a step back towards me. 

“Yes, milady?” he crosses his hands behind his back, still playing the part of my imaginary steward or knight.

I look up at him disapprovingly but continue with my question, “Would you mind waiting for me? This will be quick.” I don’t really feel like being alone, and I think I could use the distraction after this awkward and probably emotional meeting. 

His smirk slides into a smile, “Sure, I mean… as you wish, milady.” he bows slightly, smirking again, and backs away towards the end of the hall to wait. 

I turn back towards the door and sigh, trying to steady my breath, and failing. 

“Let’s get this over with,” I mutter to myself and knock twice on the door. 

She opens it almost immediately. I wonder if she overheard me and Ridoc. 

“Hi.” she says with her wide blue eyes, she glances behind me, no doubt Ridoc is watching the whole interaction go down. 

“Hi.” I give her a weak smile. 

She looks down to my arms, and nods once, “Come in, I guess.”

“Thank you.” I step into her little dorm room that seems barely big enough for the two of us. Or maybe the awkwardness and weight of the situation takes up all the space in the room. She has the same black bedspread, curtains, and small desk and armoire as Liam had last year. All uniform, no real personal touches anywhere. They have to carry their belongings across the parapet with them, so no real room for sentimental items that could mean tumbling to your death.

She shuts the door and I turn back around towards her. 

“So, here it is.” I awkwardly say, handing out the black leather jacket from me. 

She takes it from my hands, gently. Almost afraid to touch it. Her thumb brushes over the patches that signify Liam’s unique abilities and status. I wonder if she even knew these facts about him until now. 

“Right,” she breaks the silence, tossing the jacket onto the bed and picking up my blue silk cape that lies there instead. 

“Here you go.” I take it from her hands, careful not to start trembling.

I remember when I had taken off this piece of clothing. I was tired of all the fuss, my ridiculous hair that I had attempted to braid like Sorrengails. I stop myself before remembering anymore of those details of that night.  

“He wrote about you, you know?” she says, breaking me from my thoughts as I’m just about to turn away. Her words make me freeze, and a familiar tension starts to coil in my stomach. 

“ Wrote about me? Where?” I suppose there must be a lot of contraband remaining that should have been burned along with the rest of Liam’s belongings. 

She moves to pass me, heading to her desk, which only takes two steps to reach given her height and the small area of this room. She pulls open the top drawer, pulling out a stack of letters wrapped in twine. 

“In these letters, that he wrote for me.” She sits down at the chair of her desk, looking down at the palms of her hands where she holds the letters. 

My heart aches, recognizing the handwriting on the outside of them. Matching the handwriting of my own letter, the one I haven’t dared to open yet. 

I remain silent, it’s up to her whether she wants to share more. She’s clearly thinking about more than just me in those letters. 

“I’m sorry for how I acted in the infirmary. It’s clear in his letters that he actually cared about you.” she doesn’t look at me as she speaks, and I don’t dare to speak and disrupt her thoughts. She might decide against telling me more. 

Her mouth quirks into a slight smile, “He goes from just mentioning you as the naggy healer cadet that keeps stealing his knife…” I let out a soft sigh of a laughter.  

“Confiscating.” I correct. All those times I confiscated his knives, I wonder when his little hobby turned into making something for me exactly. 

She looks up at me, her blue eyes shining. “Yeah,” she rolls her eyes, still smiling. “Then, it’s like his letters for weeks are just solely about you. How he made you laugh, how you pushed him to get better, how you kept him in check, limiting his questions every day and dodging the ones he would really like answers to.” She toys with the letters in her lap, her attention shifted away from me. 

I chew on my lip. Her knowing these small intimate details sort of confirms to me that those moments were real. Liam really existed. I really knew him, even if it was for a short time. And he really knew me. And I loved him, even if I never said it outloud. He drove me crazy those weeks in the infirmary, but a good kind of crazy that I didn’t want to let go. 

And I guess that’s the truth. The truth is, I haven’t wanted to let go of him. I know I need to, and I know it’s good for me. I know he’s not coming back. I know I’ll never have the life from my dreams, where I’m pregnant or we have a child and he’s doting on me. They’ll only ever be dreams, or fatal fantasies. 

“I loved him.” I say barely above a whisper, admitting it outloud for the first time. 

Her gaze flashes to mine. And the striking resemblance doesn’t affect me like it did at first. It hits me, I used past tense… loved. The first time I admit that I’m in love with Liam Mairi, is in the past tense. 

“I think he loved you too.” the corner of her mouth quirks, and a dimple reveals on her cheek, another resemblance to him. 

My chest tightens, but not out of grief. No, instead I’m bracing myself for the ultimate wave of grief that should hit me any moment now, right? Especially after she told me an admission of her own.  

But it doesn’t come. And I think, because I already knew. I knew since the moment he gave me the carving of a rabbit that he loved me. I just didn’t let myself believe it. 

“I should go.” I say, her eyes flashing up to meet mine again. I’m sure that’s not quite the reaction she was expecting. Little does she know, I’ve been a puddle of tears enough times already for one lifetime. 

“Okay, um…” She looks at the jacket tossed on the foot of her bed. “Thank you. I think I could get the patches switched out and no one would even know it wasn’t originally mine.”

I give her the best smile I can manage. “You’re welcome.”

When I step out of her door I see Ridoc, waiting at the end of the hall for me. He looks around and paces awkwardly, as if to hide the fact that he’s intentionally waiting. He avoids meeting my gaze as I walk up to him, until I smile. 

He stops in his tracks from pacing and turns fully towards me. I break into a wide smile, take two long strides, and collide with him, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

He huffs, taken aback slightly, his hands hover at my sides. I have to stand on my tip toes to fully reach around him, and his arms relax and envelope me. I could bury my face in his scent. I pull back slightly to face him.

“Thank you,” he wears a slight smile revealing the dimple on his chin. I slide my arms back so my hands grasp the back of his neck.

“You’re welcome.” His smile starts to grow into a smirk, “Is that all the thanks I’ll get? I quite like where my hands are.” his hands slide at my waist.

I suppress my laugh, schooling my mouth into submission. I take a step back, breaking his hold and dropping my own hands.

“Good bye, Ridoc.”

“You won’t let me escort you back to the Healer’s Quadrant? I’m sure I could find a reason to need some healing .” his eyebrow raises with that last word, clearly not meaning it literally. 

My eyes roll so hard I feel my lashes brush the bottom of my browline. 

“You may. But only if you keep your hands to yourself.” I had forgotten for a brief moment that I probably shouldn’t be alone at this time. I step around him and start to walk away, so he has no choice but to follow or not before he can come up with a witty remark.

He trots up behind me and leans forward so his mouth is practically touching my ear, “Fine, but you said nothing about my mouth.” I can practically hear his grin. 

I whirl around to face him, throwing up my hands before he can collide with me. They land on his chest, his quite muscular chest. His face inches from mine, wearing a devilish grin. 

“ Technicalities, Cadet Gamlyn. Keep your distance, at least 6 inches.” I give his chest a little shove but he doesn’t so much as sway. 

“Oh, I could give you more than that , Cadet Blair.” he narrows his eyes, bending down to level with me again.

I give him a smirk of my own and take a step forward, “Wouldn’t you like to try , Cadet Gamlyn.” 

I begin to see his expression drop as he realizes my words before I turn around with a chuckle. I start up my quick pace again, he doesn’t follow but calls after me, “So does that mean you’ll give me a chance!?”

I round the corner out of the dorms without giving him an answer, laughing to myself. 

And for the first time in a while, it’s genuine, and not laced with any sadness. Maybe that’s all it took, admitting out loud that yes I did love Liam. No matter how unrealistic or ridiculous it may seem. 

I head out into the courtyard of the Riders Quadrant, and a heavy rain has started. I don’t have a coat, but I step into the drizzling rain anyways. Tilting my head upward, and feeling the rain drops slide down my face. Letting them wash away any sadness that remained a part of me. Maybe then, I'll finally be clean.

Chapter Text

My Dearest Isla, 

I don’t know if I’ll make it back to you, this place was a trap. But I do know one thing for sure, and that’s that I love you. I’m in love with you. From the second I laid eyes on you in the infirmary, and you countered all my quick remarks, I fell in love with you. And if I make it back I’ll spend every second I can showing you, you deserve to be loved. If by the will of the Gods I don’t… please let someone love you for me. Although I can’t help but wish that someone would be me. 

Love, Liam

I fold Liam’s letter back into its envelope, the corners softened from where I’ve taken it out and put it back in a hundred times by now. I first read it after meeting with Sloane, from what she told me I had to know, and now I know for sure.

But it doesn’t change anything. I already knew in my heart that he had loved me. And if my wishes came true, he would have been the one that I loved too. 

But life doesn’t work like that, not here at Basgiath. Life here is emotionally abusive if not actually abusive, often the case for the riders. I stand on the bridge now, connecting our two quadrants, leaning out over the railing, looking towards the Riders Quadrant, it's almost uncomfortably quiet as cadets are off for the evening. I see mage lights flickering on as rider cadets pass by, heading for the bridge, on their way to Chantara no doubt. 

It’s Friday night, the weekend again, and I’m starting to dread the weekends now. I’m being pulled in one direction or another, either to attend the weekend’s wellness retreats with the other healer cadets. Where everyone is just so pleasant it feels fake to me because how can everything be just fine if we just breathe while in the middle of a war college?

Or, Brielle is trying to get me to go to Chantara with her so she has a buddy to meet with her Infantry Cadet again. After my affair with Cadet Aetos, although fun, the effects were temporary. I’m really not looking for something cheap and meaningless again.

So here I am, hiding. Pathetic really, this bridge was the last place before all the pieces of me shattered and my life was never the same. But I really do swear I’m fine, I just don’t know what’s next for me. 

I lean with my head in my hands on the stone walled railing of the bridge, the letter pinched between my fingers. I hear bootsteps headed my way and the gaggle of a group of rider cadets, already buzzing about going to Chantara. I straighten my stance, pulling my head out of my hands, so my somber mood isn’t so obvious. I could just be waiting for someone, casually, right?

The wind blows, whipping my long curly hair I’ve let down around my face. I let the slight chill of the wind cool my cheeks, Autumn is approaching and Summer nights are getting cooler. My favorite time of year. A strong gust blows, and the letter is ripped out of my fingertips.

I instinctively reach for it, half leaping over the railing. It flutters in the breeze, and dives down underneath the bridge.

“No!” I gasp, reaching further, but it disappears from my view.

“Isla?!” I hear someone call and half a second later I’m being hauled back by a pair of strong arms at my waist. 

“No!” I say again, half in protest and half in disbelief. I fight against the arms, I need to get to the other side of the bridge to try and catch the letter.

“Isla?! What the fuck are you doing? Trying to kill yourself?” the arms let me go, and I turn around and swiftly catch Ridoc’s wide-eyed expression before dashing past him to the other side of the bridge. 

I lean out over the railing as far as I can stretch, but it’s gone. It’s nowhere to be seen. The water in the ravine below rushes underneath. 

“ No, no, no, no, no.” I mutter to myself. My chest tightens and my throat chokes up, tears threatening to find their way out. 

Ridoc claps his hands on my shoulders, pulling me slightly again. “Isla, what is it? What in Dunne’s name are you trying to do?”

I whirl around to face him, throwing my arms up to break his grasp on me. “Not now , Ridoc. Unless you can wield wind, I’m really not in any mood to deal with you.”

He puts up his hands in a gesture of surrender, and takes half a step back. His expression falls, but he still has one eyebrow raised in concern. 

“Fine. But let the record show I tried to stop you from jumping to your death.” he quips with sarcasm as he gestures to the other side of the bridge. 

I sigh, biting my lip, because that's probably exactly what it looked like. I look insane. 

He starts to turn away, and I act without thinking, reaching out and catching him by the front of his shirt.

“Wait!” he stops, but instead of coming to me, I bring myself to him. “I’m sorry.” I plead, meeting his big brown eyes. I’m trying new things lately, like being nicer to Ridoc, I guess.

He takes my hand I have on his chest in his own, “It’s fine, clearly whatever that was, was important to you.” he gives me a soft smile. 

I take in a breath, steadying myself, and press my lips together. He has no idea.

I look past him, towards the other end of the bridge, where his squadmates pretend not to watch us while waiting for him.

“You should go,” I give him a little shove towards his squadmates, but he doesn’t move. “Thank you… for saving me. But I’m fine now, I promise. Your friends are waiting.” I nod my chin towards Rhiannon and Sawyer, who are pacing but not meeting my gaze.

He squeezes my hand, “Come to Chantara with us, come on. It’ll be fun. You deserve to blow off some steam.” He grins. He reminds me of an eager puppy, begging you to play with him. 

But his choice of words hit me. Saying what I deserve. Says who?

“Thanks, but, I really don’t feel like being in a crowd of drunk people right now.” This only makes him grin wider. I give him a puzzled expression in return. 

“RIDOC! YOU COMING!?” Rhiannon yells from across the bridge, the sound echoing throughout the ravine. 

He half turns and waves them off, “You guys go ahead! I’m good here!”

I try to pull my hand out of his grasp but fail, “What?! No, Ridoc, don’t let me ruin your night-”

He turns back to me, cutting me off and taking a step closer. “You’re not ruining my night,” he brushes a hand through his buzzed hair that's already starting to grow out. The mage lights flicker above him with the motion. 

“So no Chantara, come on, where we gonna go?” his eyes glisten as his other hand slides down my arm to take my other hand in his as well. 

I look past him and see Rhiannon and Sawyer patting each other, smirking, as they turn to leave us behind. 

“What do you mean where are we going to go?” I say slightly annoyed. Who says we are going to do anything? Maybe I just want to be alone. Although I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

He squeezes both my hands, pulling us together slightly. “I mean, I’m not leaving you out here by yourself, moping or doing whatever you’re doing. It’s Friday night and half if not more of all the other quadrants are letting off some steam. We’re going somewhere, and if you don’t want to go to Chantara, we’re going somewhere else.” his grin widens, and he practically jumps up and down, rolling back and forth from his heels to his toes. 

Now he reminds me of that puppy that won’t leave you alone, but a cute one nonetheless.  

I sigh, “Is this the part where you say, your room or mine?” I roll my eyes up at him. 

He laughs, like actually laughs. “No, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that one first but.. Seriously, no.” my heart pangs a little bit, he’s being genuine and I’m being a jerk. “It’s up to you, so where we gonna go, Isla?”

My chest heaves with my sigh of resignation, “Anywhere but here” I finally settle on.

He looks up past me, towards the Healer Quadrant side. “Okay. I got a place.” he says and tugs my hand, spinning me around towards the Healer’s side of the bridge.

I don’t even protest, I let him lead me down the bridge and up a staircase towards… the belltower? I think. I’ve never actually been up here. Heights are usually for riders, I have plenty to deal with down here. The many flights of stairs have me slightly out of breath, but it’s better than crying. I focus on my steps and not tripping so I don’t focus on the fact that I just lost Liam’s final words to me.

When we reach the top, it’s a lot colder and windier up here. I can see dark clouds moving towards Basgiath with the wind. The bell tower is surrounded by a balcony as sort of a lookout type set up. He leads me to the edge of the stone walled railing to look over the edge.

Down below, I can see the mage lights of the healer and infantry quadrants illuminating the pathways and to our right the riders quadrant, with the occasional dragon flying above it over to what I assume is the Vale. I’ve never been up this high to see it, let alone all of Basgiath. 

“It’s beautiful,” I say more to myself than him. 

“It is” he replies, but when I meet his eyes, he’s already looking at me instead of down below. 

I bite my lip but quickly cover it up by saying, “It doesn’t look so scary from up here now, does it?” 

This can’t be the same place that has killed so many of our friends, can it? That killed Liam? This can’t be the same place where I lost a life I never knew I wanted, right? I look away from him and back to the bridge connecting our two quadrants where we had been standing before. The last place where I felt relatively normal. 

“I guess not,” he says and follows my gaze. 

I think of something to say before he can ask me a real question about what’s bothering me or what it was that I lost on that bridge. “So does this work on all of the girls you take up here?”

He whips his head to me, flashing me a wide grin. “No, but maybe most of the guys.” he quips. 

I laugh, “Ha! Yeah right.” and give him a playful shove on the shoulder.

He dramatically wobbles, as if I could actually push him that much. “Hey! Don’t be jealous! I saw you eyeing Cadet Wesley checking me out in the infirmary that one time.” he teases and shoulder bumps me. 

“Oh, spare me!” I scoff, although I feel the back of my neck flush with the fact that he saw that.

“What!? I can’t help it if everybody wants me.” he tugs on the collar of his flight jacket, preening. 

“You wish, that’s not my style.” 

“Oh so you’ve considered it?” he looks down at me, grinning. 

I look up at him, and genuinely lose my train of thought. “You’re delusional. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.” 

He looks back towards the Riders Quadrant, haughtily nodding his head. “I have that effect on people.”

I go to scoff, but a sudden gust of wind makes me gasp sharply, sending shivers down through my spine. 

“Oh shit! Here,” he says and starts to take off his jacket, revealing the tattoo on his neck.

I wrap my arms around myself, “What? No! It’s fine, I’m fine. It was just a sudden breeze,” I protest. But my arms are covered in goosebumps and I think my breath starts to come out jagged.

He shrugs his jacket off his muscular shoulders, “No really, it’s fine. I don’t get cold. Kind of contradictory with my signet.” 

“Your signet?” I ask as he places the jacket around my shoulders. I’m instantly warm both shielded from the wind and also from the warmth of his jacket from his own body heat. 

“Yeah, I may not be able to wield wind, but I can wield ice.” he says with all tones of arrogance aside. 

I hug his jacket around me, I knew of a few common signets and Liam’s, farsight. “Oh, cool. Well, thanks.” I say awkwardly, my mind elsewhere momentarily. 

I turn away from the view and lean against the stone wall, hugging his jacket around me and facing away from the wind. I close my eyes and sigh, letting my hair whip around my face. 

“If I asked you what’s wrong… would you tell me?” 

I tilt my head back slightly and turn my head toward him, his brow knitted in concern. I bite my lip, and let my hesitancy show, not covering it up with a quippy remark or expression. 

I’m half tempted to actually tell him, that way at least someone would know. I feel like I must look pathetic to everyone else, walking around with a cloud of sadness. Nearly jumping off bridges. A little dramatic for those who know a hint of what I’ve been through, moping after some guy I knew for barely a fortnight it must seem. Maybe I could tell him, and it’d all make sense to someone finally, and someone could finally see me. 

But that would be a ridiculous amount of oversharing. As if he doesn’t know enough intimate details already of my relationship with Liam. 

“Probably not. But thanks for asking.” I reply, leaning my head on his arm. 

He smiles a half smile. “Sure thing,” and he lazily drapes his arm around my shoulders. I adjust my head so it's on his chest. No idea why I suddenly feel comfortable enough doing this. I consider pulling away when he speaks,

“Hey, look up,” he says, already looking up at the night sky. 

The thick clouds have parted enough to see the stars and constellations in the night. 

“A shooting star!” he exclaims and points up at the sky, squeezing me closer so I can follow his line of sight. His mouth is at my ear as I follow where he’s pointing with my line of sight. I see it, a slow blazing star across the night sky. 

“Make a wish,” he turns his head so he can see my face and beams at me. 

My heart squeezes in my chest. Ridoc Gamlyn is actually quite soft underneath that flirtatious joker exterior. 

I turn to smile up at him, “You saw it first, it’s yours to make a wish on.” I look into his warm dark brown eyes. 

The corners of his eyes crinkle, “How about we share it?” he lowers his hand that had been pointing down to my face, and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

“Okay.” I barely get out in a whisper.

His hand lingers at my jawline, he doesn’t drop it. 

I wish he would kiss me right now. 

My eyes flicker to his lips, and his gaze softens. He lets his hand fall, cupping the side of my face. 

“Isla I…” he begins to say, but a loud rumble of thunder booms over us, making us jump apart. 

I look up again, and the stars are gone. There’s nothing but dark thick gray clouds over us, and another boom of thunder rumbles. We’re directly under a storm, late summer monsoon weather. The brief moment between us, ending.

Chapter Text

“We should…” I start to say but the next second we’re being drenched by pouring rain as another boom of thunder sounds. 

I have no other response than to shriek and start laughing uncontrollably. Of course, the one night I end up on a rooftop a late summer storm rolls in. I turn to run to the safety of the bell tower but he grabs my hand pulling me back.

“Wait!” he yells while pulling me to his chest.

“Ridoc!? Are you insane!?” I yell back. Water pelts both our faces, sliding down his smiling cheeks. I can feel my hair sticking to my face. 

“Just watch.” he says and with his hand that isn’t around me he lifts it to the side and turns it slightly as if he were twisting a globe in the air. 

Suddenly the rain stops. But it doesn’t stop completely, I still hear it pelting the stone walls around us. I look around and see it’s only stopped about 6 feet in diameter completely around encircling us. Instead, there are flecks of white that begin to form on the black of Ridoc’s shirt. I look up at him, and the flecks of white begin to form on spikes of his hair as well, snow.

I giggle in disbelief, “Are you doing this?” 

He chuckles, clearly impressed with himself. “Yeah, I didn’t know I could before now.” 

I laugh again, “This is so weird,” and then I meet his eyes. The way he’s looking at me, soft yet blazing. “But fucking beautiful.” I add. 

He cracks a real smile, “So are you,” his gaze flickers down and back up as he starts to lean into me, bringing his thumb to my chin.

“Weird?” I joke nervously, and grip the front of his shirt.

“Beautiful.” he corrects in a husky voice, our faces barely an inch apart as he tilts my face upwards.

I suck in a breath, and rock slightly forward on my tip toes, bringing our lips nearly grazing. My heart flutters in my chest. I can’t wait to taste him and wipe that ever present smirk off his face. 

But instead, I’m met with the taste of water. Rain starts pelting us again and falls straight into my lashes since my head is tilted upward. I draw back sharply with a gasp and try to blink away the droplets that made it to my eyes. 

“SHIT!” Ridoc yells and grabs my hand, tugging me to run to the safety of the bell tower. 

We’re laughing the whole way there, and when we get underneath I lean against a pillar, catching my breath. He smiles down at me, his soaked shirt clings to his chest as he heaves with laughter himself.

How did we end up here? This moment feels like a scene I once read in a romance novel. Every time I find myself nearing rock bottom, there he is. Saving me from my misery.   

“Sorry, Isla, I lost my concentration there..” he trails off awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. The scene of his bicep flexing tempting me to fall back in again where we just were a few seconds ago. I shake my head immediately to clear it of that thought. 

“It’s fine, I probably shouldn’t…” I trail off as well, I shouldn’t be kissing more riders? I should probably say.

He drops his hand, neither of us finishing our sentences. 

“We should get you dry before Winifred faults me with getting her best healer cadet sick.” he takes my hand in his again. The moment is gone, but I miss it.

I scoff, “That’s a myth,” he tugs me towards the stairwell.

“I’m not taking that chance!” he calls as he begins to descend. 

Once we get down the stairwell and we pass the infirmary, we switch positions, and I find myself leading him to my room without really considering it. He doesn’t say a word, I don’t think I’ve ever been near him this long without hearing him utter a word. His hand is warm in mine despite the fact he’s an ice wielder and made snow just minutes ago. 

We get to my door, and I turn the knob, letting the door open, but I don’t step inside. I turn to face him, standing in the doorway. He doesn’t let go of my hand. He chews his lip as he looks down at me. 

“Listen, Ridoc. Thank you for cheering me up tonight. But, I know you, and… I just can’t do this again. I can’t do casual… I can’t,” I try to find the right word because ‘ relationship’ isn’t quite right either. Liam and I were never in a relationship. “I just can’t have my heart broken again.”

He smirks, “That’s quite presumptuous of you, Cadet Blair. Considering we’ve met a handful of times and you’ve already given your heart to me?”

I roll my eyes and start to turn away, “Alright, we’re done here. Clearly I can’t trust you to be serious.”

“Hey! Hey, hey…” he catches me by my shoulders, “I’m sorry. Clearly you’ve been through a lot. It doesn’t have to be… like that. We can be… friends.”

I sigh looking up at him, no smirk on his face. He drops his hands and takes my hands in his instead. “Really?”

“Yes. I can be whatever you need. If you let me.” He squeezes my hands. And there are those choice of words again that ring in my ears. 

If. you. let. me. 

But damn does my heart not tempt me to let him when he talks like that. But I wasn’t lying before. I can’t let it rush into things again, for my own good. 

A smile creeps up on my face, and it’d be so dishonest to try and hide it. “If I let you.” I repeat back to him.

He grins lazily, and leans down into my space, leaning against the doorframe with his arm above my head. “I’ll take whatever you let me have.” 

And it’s up to me to decide in this moment, what that’ll be.

Chapter Text

I should feel nervous right now, with him so close. I should feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach, threatening to make me vomit. Right? 

But I feel none of that as I breathe is his mixture of sweet, citrus, spice and floral, all together like my favorite scent of bergamot. I’ll have to ask him one day what scent he uses. 

I feel warm, at home, like I could curl up in it and never leave.

I reach out, touching his chest lightly and he sucks in a breath. I pull my hand back abruptly, realizing his shirt is still wet. He’s still soaked. 

“Shit! I’m sorry, you’re standing here drenched while I make up my mind. Why don’t you just come in, I think a couple minutes on the radiator should dry your shirt.” 

He smirks, “Isla Blair, are you inviting me into your room to undress?” 

I scoff and roll my eyes up at him, stepping out from underneath him and into my room. “Top only!”  I say and as I turn around to turn the heat on in the corner where the radiator stands, I feel slightly dizzy. A sudden sense of déjà vu waving over me. 

I hear him chuckle, and the door shuts with a click. I turn the knob up on the radiator, it starting to hiss and kick on. 

I turn back to face him and am greeted by a chiseled set of tan abs that would definitely take multiple sets of hands to count. His face is temporarily covered as he pulls off his shirt over his head, giving me a chance to fix my face. Not like I haven’t seen anything like it before. Just not here… in my room… just the two of us.

I start to shrug off his jacket I’m wearing. I meet his eyes when he pulls his shirt completely off, handing it out to me. I take his jacket in one hand and hand it out to him, keeping my eyes on his as a smirk grows across his face. We exchange the items of clothing and I turn to drape his shirt over the radiator. 

I spin around, careful to keep my eyes up. “I’m going to go shower, and change, go ahead and have a seat anywhere.” I’m breathless as I finish my sentence all in one go, nervously.

He chuckles and drapes his jacket over the foot of my bed. “Okay, sure. I’ll just be sitting here, totally not thinking about you being naked behind that door.”

I cross my arms, and narrow my eyes at him. “Ridoc,” I scold. “Friends don’t say things like that to their friends.”

He kicks off one boot, and then the other, taking a seat on my bed. “On the contrary, I have said things like that to almost all of my friends.” He winks, leaning back onto his hands on my bed, full torso on display. 

I tighten my lips between my teeth. “Just stay here.” 

He lets out another chuckle, and falls back onto his elbows. “Right, wouldn’t want anyone seeing a shirtless rider coming out of the great Cadet Blair’s room.” he puts his hands up in a sarcastic ‘ oh the great and mighty’ kind of way. “Someone might think she actually has some fun sometimes.” his eyebrows raise in faux shock. 

I let out a groan and turn away from him, heading into my bathing chamber. I can hear him snickering as I shut the door. 

I pin up my hair because I’m not washing it when I’m this cold already and then sitting around with wet hair. And there’s something vulnerable about letting a man see you with wet hair. My mind forgets to remind me that this a bad idea, dancing back and forth between ‘I want this’ and  ‘I don’t want this.’

I shower and try to take my time, but also not too much time, so that his shirt can dry and we can avoid the awkwardness of him sitting shirtless in my bedroom. The awkwardness or the temptation… one of those. 

When I’m done, I brush my teeth, and put on pale blue lounge set I reserve for these lazy weekends. I’m not letting Ridoc Gamlyn see me in my nightgown just yet either.

I step out of the bathing chamber, mentally preparing myself to be met with more quippy remarks.

“Fuck.” I mutter when I step out into my bedroom and see what lays before me. 

Ridoc lays on my bed, head on my pillow, torso bare, mouth slightly agape, and deeply, fast asleep. 

On the one hand, I of course don’t want to rudely wake him up after he’s been so kind to me all evening. But on the other, I barely know him to be honest, and I’m to just supposed sleep next to him? 

Not like I haven’t done that before either. 

I sigh, quietly. I guess that's what's happening here. 

I tip toe across my wooden floor, turning off the lights, and over to the other side of my bed. Being a second year, at least it’s bigger than a first years, but still, only a double bed and not even a full-sized queen. I gently pull back the blankets, careful not to wake him, but I’ll inevitably end up very close to him given the size of my bed.

He sleeps with his arm outstretched over his head, the one with his relic encircling on his upperarm. I can’t say that it’s not endearing to see him like this. Riders like to think of themselves so badass, but we all sleep at some point and are vulnerable then. 

I slide under the blankets beside him, turning on my side away from him. I try not to think about the fact that I’m sleeping with the notorious Ridoc Gamlyn in my bed right now. But sleeping is all it is.

In the morning, light pours through the pale blue curtains, blinding me as I blink open my eyes. I’d get up to close them, but I’m too comfortable, and warm. My pillow is almost heated, it’s so warm, but hard. 

I adjust my head slightly when I realize… my head isn’t lying on my pillow. My eyesight adjusts, and before me I see about a dozen tanned abs, rising and falling with breaths, and an arm with a swirling relic tattoo on the bicep that then leads to a hand on my waist.

On. my. waist.

I jerk upwards to sit up, but that was also a bad choice. The movement makes Ridoc start to wake up, his dark lashes fluttering.

He yawns, bringing that arm to stretch above his head. I stare at him, bracing myself for the inevitable suggestive remark that comes next.

He brings his hand behind his head, and focuses in his gaze on me. “Good morning, gorgeous.” he grins, his eyes still slighted with sleep. 

“You fell asleep.” I deadpan. 

A corner of his mouth lifts, “No. We fell asleep. And you didn’t wake me.” his other hand that I just now realized was around my back grazes my spine gently.

I try not to shiver or curl into the touch, but it feels good . 

“I didn’t want to be rude .” I narrow my eyes at him. 

He smirks, “Well I appreciate the hospitality. You know, most of my hosts don’t end up cuddling all night with me, so that was a nice added bonus.” he winks at me.

I scoff and turn away from him, swinging my legs off the bed, before he can see me blush. I get up and head over to the radiator. His shirt is not only dry but toasty warm by now. I pick up his shirt and head over to him, holding it out in front of me so it obscures my view of his torso.

“ Friends, Ridoc. Remember?” I tell him, dangling the shirt in front of me, insisting he take it. 

He raises an eyebrow, looking me up and down before he takes it. He sits up at the edge of my bed, and takes his time putting it on. “Friends who eye-fuck each other?” he grins up at me. 

My teeth clatter as I close my mouth that I hadn’t realized was open. 

“Don’t make me take back the friends option.” I bite the inside of my cheek so he can’t see my nervousness.

He stands, “Oh, I’d love for you to take away the friends part of that statement.” he smirks. 

I can’t help but let out a laugh, “Don’t you have dragon things to go do?” I deflect.

He takes a step towards me, looking down at me now. “ No . It’s Saturday, I-- shit.” He says abruptly, snapping his head to look out towards my window at the morning sun. 

“What?” I ask, following his gaze.

“I actually do… have dragon things to do.” he quirks his mouth slightly to one side. He grabs his jacket from the foot of the bed where it lies, shoving his hands through the arms. “Can we continue this… being friends? Later?” he backs away towards my door.

My brow scrunches as the quick switch. I never thought Ridoc Gamlyn would be rushing out my door, missing out on the opportunity to flirt with me more.

“Sure? I guess…” I cross my arms.

He flashes me a smile and brings a hand behind my head, “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow!” he leans forward and down, bringing me forward as well and kissing my hairline. 

I’m shocked. “Tomorrow, but it’s Saturday?” I question.

He turns the door knob but stops, turning to me he says, “I know. I’m sorry. Riders-”

I cut him off, “Riders duties. Got it.” I nod and get that wave of déjà vu again. 

He flashes me another smile, “I’ll come find you. I promise.” 

“Okay.” I shrug, and he opens the door and I hold it open after him. 

What I really want to say is, don’t make me promises you can’t keep. 

When he disappears from view, I stand in the doorway and make eye contact with a smirking redhead I’d call my best friend, standing in the hallway.

She crosses her arms, “ Oh, we’re going to breakfast. Now. ”

She marches forward and takes my arm, “Wait! Let me brush my teeth and grab my coat at least!” I protest and pull back on my arm she tugs forward.

She lets go, amber curls swishing with her movement, “Fine. 5 minutes. I’ll be waiting here.”

I chew on my lip. I don’t even know what to say to her about any of this yet. I head back into my room and quickly get ready to go. I do owe her an explanation, I have been avoiding her lately and declining her invitations. I avoided going to Chantara with her last night, and then she finds a rider leaving my room this morning. I’d hate for her to think I was blowing her off for some guy of my own. 

Bri and I have been friends since before the quadrant. We were from neighboring villages, although we didn’t meet until we both started studying for the healer path when we were fifteen. We became fast and good friends. We’d carried each other through those difficult years of navigating first real crushes and relationships. We both cried when hers ended just before entering the quadrant.  

And I’d been keeping so much from her, and she’d been covering for me and giving me the benefit of the doubt for months. 

I headed out of my room, she still stood just outside my door. Her arms crossed and tapping her foot. 

She looped her arm in mine, “Chantara for mimosas and brunch? I think we’re going to need it.” She squeezed my arm and we began to walk. Clearly her question was rhetorical. Anyways, her idea did sound good, I think I would need the liquid courage. 

We started on the grassy path to the village outside of Basgiath’s gates. We were a pair of fluttering blue, a stark contrast to the misty morning. 

“So, was it good? ” She shoulder bumps me as we walk, now a safe enough distance from prying ears.

“It wasn’t like that.” I groan.

She scoffs, “You’re telling me that Ridoc Gamlyn left your room this morning and you two didn’t have sex last night?! Every quadrant knows of his reputation!”

My cheeks flush, “Say it louder will ya? Just to make sure they do.” I grumble while throwing sideways glances, making sure no one was actually around. 

“You’re serious?” she laughs, “Why the hell not, Isla?”

A pit forms in my stomach, “It’s a long story.”

“Well you better get started then, if it’s that bad I won’t remember the ending with the amount of mimosas we’re about to have.” She tugs me along, quickening our pace.

I sigh. I get started, but I wait to tell her about the pregnancy until we’ve had one mimosa in. And then I tell her about the miscarriage after two. 

I tell her everything. I tell her about my rebound with Dain Aetos. I tell her about Xaden coming to visit me, and giving me the letter. I tell her about meeting with Sloane, and finally reading that letter. I tell her what the letter said, and about losing it. And of course, I tell her about Ridoc. I tell her about our ongoing flirtationship we’ve had going on for weeks, or months, I’m not sure when I’d say it started. 

But that’s all it was, we hadn’t even kissed yet. And that’s all it might ever be. Gods know I haven’t had the best of luck with riders. 

The whole time she sips on mimosa after mimosa, nodding and listening intently. I don’t know how she’s not pissed drunk by now. I guess she’s built up a way greater tolerance than me since going to Chantara every weekend while I mope in my room or pick up shifts in the infirmary. 

“Isla. You have to date him.” she pops a strawberry into her mouth, rolling her eyes back for the drama.

“What!? Why?”

“You deserve to be happy! Liam wanted you to-” I stop her right there.

“ Don’t …” I cast a few glances around the tavern, no rider black in sight, too early for them I guess. “Don’t say his name.”

“Fine. He loved you. He wanted you to be happy.” she rolls her eyes, popping a grape into her mouth this time.

“ Okay . But that doesn’t mean dating Ridoc.” I speak in hushed tones even though there are no riders around. This is still a small world. 

“He likes you. Like he really likes you. And this is Ridoc Gamlyn we’re talking about. The notorious bed hopping frog and he brought you flowers while you were out unconscious. You’ve got to give him some credit, he’s trying.”

I chewed on my lip, drawing in a heavy sigh. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I was being too hard on Ridoc. I had almost forgotten about the flowers, that entire week was a blur.

Regardless of his feelings for me, he’s still a rider . Our future is very limited given the likelihood of his death one day being the result of his status. And we’re in the middle of a war. 

“Isn’t there anyone else I can date though? Preferably one not wearing black?” I whine, taking a sip of my forgotten mimosa again. 

She smiles, “There is… but you like him too.” She brings her own glass upwards towards mine in a ‘cheers’ motion.

I groan, and take another heavy sip of my drink. “I do. He’s really damn cute.” 

She squeals and clinks her glass to mine, “Perfect!” She takes a sip. “So you’re seeing him again. And Isla, one more thing?”

I raise an eyebrow. So I guess since I can’t be trusted, she’s dictating my love life now. “Yes?” I ask suspiciously. 

She places her glass down, and takes my hand on the table. “Please don’t ever hide things from me again? Or at least… don’t keep them all bottled up to yourself.” Her eyes start to glisten, I squeeze her hand back.

“I won’t. I promise.” I smile back at her, and I mean it. I need my best friend. It’s nice to have a friend supporting you, especially after the past few months I’ve had. I missed her.

Chapter Text

Ridoc

“What are we doing? We’re not going to see Cadet Dyre like Violet said?” Rhiannon asks in a hushed tone from the other side of Aaric who walks between us, hands hidden at his sides. I lead us towards the healer cadet dorms instead of the infirmary. 

“No, that idiot? The only reason he was best in his year at the time, that first weekend of Land Nav, is because the real best was incapacitated.” my hands flex at my sides, thinking about seeing Isla in the infirmary at the beginning of the year. Land Nav was only probably a week or two after that. Her superiors wouldn’t have dragged her into the forest for two days after just being treated for exhaustion. 

 “Then who can we trust?” Rhi hisses. 

I side eye her, “She’s a friend. Or at least… I think she is. But we can trust her, I’m sure.”

“You’re sure?” Aaric says beside me, side eyeing me himself. 

“Yes.” Isla and I may be on unclear terms, but after last night, I can trust her. She trusted me to let me in just a little, and I know she’ll do the right thing.  

We approach the second floor door that I was just at this morning. Leaving her, kissing her on the forehead goodbye. And fighting to leave it at just that and not stay, barging my way into her room and doing so much more. 

But now, I’ll be barging into her room for different reasons.

“You better be right about this,” Rhiannon mutters. 

I knock softly, three times on her door. “I sure hope I am.” I mutter under my breath as well.

Rhiannon whips her head to shoot me a glare, I knock again, a little more urgently. Before she can answer, the door opens. 

Isla

After brunch in Chantara, Bri and I giggled and stumbled all the way home. She went to take a nap, sleeping off the buzz. I took a long bath, washing my hair and it was able to curl naturally afterwards as I read a book on advanced and rare herbal remedies. 

I was drifting off to sleep when there was the faintest knock on my door. I didn’t move at first, thinking I might have imagined it. But they knocked again, this time a little louder and more insistent. 

I smiled, hopping off my bed excitedly. Maybe Ridoc had changed his plans. Maybe I could tell him I’d changed my mind.

My smile drops as soon as I open my door not just Ridoc, but two other tall figures all dressed in rider black standing with him at my door. I look from right to left, Rhiannon Matthias, another tall rider whom I don’t know, but has stunning green eyes and sandy brown hair that reminds me of Liam but just in different shades, and the man who bid me goodbye right here just this morning. My heart skips a beat.

“Ridoc? What’s going on?” I look from him to the other riders.

“Isla, please, will you help us?” he pleads. The other two shift their weight nervously, looking from Ridoc to me with their brows creased in anticipation. 

“Sure, I mean, with what?” I ask looking between the three of them. Rhiannon looks a bit intimidating, like she might eat me if I don’t agree. 

The middle one, that I don’t know, brings his hands up from his sides and turns his palms up toward me. 

I gasp slightly, they’re a burning red blistered mess, that looks incredibly painful. I grab him by the front of his uniform shirt and pull him inside, Ridoc and Rhiannon follow. 

Once the door is shut I face Ridoc, “What in Amari’s name happened?” I hiss and look between all three of them, “And why is it so secret that you can’t go to the infirmary?”

Ridoc shifts uncomfortably and Rhiannon side eyes Ridoc, clearly they’re not talking. I wrap my dressing gown around me, suddenly aware I’m in night clothes while they’re all in varying styles of armor.

I sigh exasperatedly, “Nevermind. You,” I nod to the mystery cadet, “In there.” I nod towards the bathing chamber. 

He follows my command, and I cross the room to open the door for him, given that it would be extremely painful for him to do so himself. 

“Thank you, Isla-” Ridoc starts to say. 

“Don’t thank me yet, I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to do without all the supplies of the infirmary.” I yank open the bottom drawers of my armoire and take out the travel medipacks I have there. They’re usually reserved for weekend outings like land navigation with the infantry cadets and starting this year, rider cadets as well. Although, so far I’ve been excused from those by my superiors. 

I don’t look back at the two of them before I head into the bathing chamber, shutting the door behind me. 

The mystery cadet stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, trying not to touch anything. 

“Have a seat, Cadet.” I order, looking to the edge of the bathtub. 

He does so, and I set my pack on the small vanity and then turn on the tub to a slow stream. I adjust the temperature so it’s not too cold but just below room temperature.

“This is going to hurt at first, but place your hands under here.” I tell him and he scoots closer to me and the faucet, doing so. He hisses slightly and I leave him there to rummage through my pack on the vanity. 

“That’s a rebound burn,” I note, “put your hands somewhere they shouldn’t be?” I raise an eyebrow, turning to look at his face. He glances up at me, hesitantly, then averts his eyes. 

I sigh, “So, do you want to tell me your name, or is that going to be kept secret as well?” I grab a few supplies, setting them down on the side of the tub within reach next to him. I look up at him, his bright green eyes watching me.

“Aaric, Aaric Graycastle.” he answers. I pull off a clean towel hanging on the wall and approach him, turning off the facet. 

“Well, Aaric. I’m Isla, Isla Blair.” I reply not using my usual cadet title. The man is in my bathroom, I think we’re over formalities at this point. 

He smiles shyly, “Thank you. Isla.” He puts his palms up to me and I dab his hands dry with the towel. I try to be gentle, and he doesn’t flinch. 

His height, his light eyes and hair remind me of Liam, but not quite. I still find myself holding my breath, worried that I’ll look up and see him, and this will be another dream that turns into a nightmare. 

But he doesn’t have the wicked tongue that Liam had, and definitely not the one that Ridoc has. He stays quiet as I work, and my chest relaxes as I’m able to just focus on the task at hand.

I continue to dry the various popped blisters, careful not to pop more. He tilts his chin up gesturing to something behind me. 

“Hey, what is that?” he asks. I turn to look over my shoulder where he’s motioning. It’s the little wooden rabbit figurine that I keep on the shelf of my mirror. I figured, maybe I’d have less haunting dreams if I didn’t keep it at my bedside. I couldn’t find it in me to completely hide it away, but I couldn’t get rid of it either.

“The rabbit? It’s just something a friend made for me.” I answer simply, because at surface level it’s true. 

“A friend?” he raises an eyebrow at me, “A friend hoping to wish you good luck and fertility ?”

My hands freeze at their task, and my chest tightens. “What?” is all I can muster saying without breaking my voice.

His eyes don’t hold any double meaning, “Yeah, rabbits typically mean good luck… and fertility.” he says matter-of-factly. 

I have a sudden sense of deja vú. What Xaden had said, or wanted to say.

He looks up, his typically hardened expression is soft, lines forming between his brows. “Rabbits are just typically…” he trails off.

He knew it too. But he wasn’t about to tell me that after I had just had a miscarriage. 

Did Liam accidentally wish fertility on me? Or was it magic? And that magic died with him.

I put on a fake smile, “They must not have known. But I’ll take the good luck.”

He returns the smile and drops the question. I finish drying his hands and take a salve from my kit and smother it generously all over his blistered hands. Then I take a wad of gauze and wet it with sterile water from my kit, lining his hands with it.

“How is this supposed to help?” he asks. I flash my eyes to meet his and there’s no hint of flirtation there, he’s just genuinely curious. 

“It’s a wet to dry dressing.” I answer, “It’ll help lock in the moisture and the effects of the salve. You should be good by morning if not earlier, my salve is probably the closest we have to a mender’s touch.” I say and smile encouragingly up at him. 

He smiles back, “Thank you, really.”

I exhale, “Don’t thank me, Thank your friend Ridoc. He knew just the right healer. And we’re all bound by the Code of Chricton to help those in need.”

I peek up at him as I wrap his hands with dry gauze. His mouth breaks into a sly grin, “Yeah, Ridoc. So… is he your friend?”

I try to stop the smile that forms on my face but my heated cheeks betray me. “He’s…” I start to say without really knowing how I was going to finish it. I take another roll of gauze and begin to wrap. “Maybe.” I settle on.  

I look up at him again and he’s grinning. “Don’t worry, we all know Ridoc. But he seems to be… different with you.”

“It’s… new. Possibly, if there even is … an it.” I stammer. “Don’t tell him I said that.” I grimace slightly. I imagine I must sound like some school girl with a crush. Even though that’s exactly what I am.

He chuckles, “Your secret is safe with me. And now we’re even.” he gestures with his hands referencing the burns. 

I feel my face flush, “Okay, so, you should be good by the morning. If some redness still remains, come see me. I can’t risk sneaking into the Riders quadrant and not exposing you.” I nod at him seeking affirmation. 

He nods back, “Okay, I’m sure Ridoc can escort me back here.” a small wry smile appears on his face. 

I side eye him as I dispose of my supplies. “Right. Let’s go.”

I open the door to the rest of my room and he follows behind. When we enter, they both jump up from where they had been sitting. Ridoc, on the foot of my bed, and Rhiannon, at my desk. 

“Thank you so much, Cadet Blair.” Rhiannon looks at me with genuine gratitude shining in her eyes. 

“Of course, and you can call me Isla.” I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling too exposed again, but she smiles. 

“Thank you Isla,” she puts her hand to her chest, “I’m Rhiannon. But we should get going and make ourselves memorable somewhere else,” she emphasizes looking at Ridoc. 

Ridoc looks to me and then back to Rhiannon, shifting his weight indecisively. 

“Alright, you guys go ahead. I’ll be-”

“Right behind? We got it.” Aaric says flashing that same wry grin and heads to the door. Rhiannon nods once more at me, gratitude shining in her eyes. 

I nod back, and they quietly leave, shutting the door behind them. And then it’s silence, just him and me.

Chapter Text

Ridoc shifts uncomfortably, standing in the middle of my room, hands in the pockets of his jacket. His jacket that was so warm from his body heat when I wore it last night. I want to wrap myself up in that warmth again right about now. 

“So, I’m assuming these were your riders duties that kept you so busy today that we couldn’t…” I trail off thinking of the right word to describe us. “...hangout?” I settle on. Although that doesn’t seem right either. 

He sighs and sits down on the foot of my bed, letting his knees fall apart comfortably. Manspreading, I would have called it weeks ago, taking in the air of arrogance that usually comes from men in that stance. Taking us space that isn’t theirs. But now, he just looks like he’s at ease, like he belongs here. “Yeah, sorry.” he murmurs.

I cross my arms, feeling too exposed now that it’s just the two of us. “And I’m assuming that’s all I’m going to get for an explanation?” I take a step towards him while raising an eyebrow. 

I haven’t the faintest idea where to begin. What have I gotten myself into? Not only am I falling for another rider, but one entangled in schemes that would cause such horrific burns. This particular group of riders are reckless, treacherous even. 

He runs his hands through his hair, absentmindedly making me want him. “Honestly, it's a long story. And I wouldn’t want to implicate you any further than I already have, just showing up at your door like this.” he peers up at me with his deep brown eyes through creased brows. 

I suck in the corner of my lip between my teeth. I simultaneously want to tell him he can show up here anytime, while also shoving him out the door and saying stay the hell away from me. My heart is hopeful that this won’t end badly. But this hope is treacherous too.

I take another step towards him and he reaches out, picking up the tie of my dressing gown and toying with it. “Tell me I have nothing to worry about with this, Ridoc.”

His mouth grows into a soft smile, “You have nothing to worry about, Isla. I’ll make sure Aaric hides-”

“ Not Aaric…” I catch his hand in both of mine, the one toying with my tie. His eyes collide with mine, and his smile disappears. “With… this. ” I place his hand on my hip with the finality of that word.

His eyes darken and a different kind of grin begins to grow on his face. He takes his other hand out of his jacket, gripping my other hip and pulling me forward. I’m standing between his legs now, my hands hover at his shoulder height, shaking slightly. I want so badly to run my fingers through his hair, but I settle for the space between his neck and shoulders. Which doesn’t help either because I can feel just how strong his muscles are there, the trapeziuses. I absentmindedly start to trace his tattoo that begins there, or ends. 

This man is quicksand. I haven’t even gotten a real taste yet and I’m drowning. 

“With what exactly, Isla? I thought we were supposed to be just friends ?” He full blown smirks now, his eyes glinting up at me as I start tracing my fingers further up to meet his jawline. 

I can’t help the smirk that grows on my face either, “We’ve slept together already, I don’t think we can be just friends.”

His fingers trail down my sides and find their way to the back of my thighs. “Oh, I think we have wildly different definitions of sleeping together.” With the lightest pressure of his finger tips, he pulls my leg up to his side on the bed, and I oblige. My breath catches as I grip onto his shoulders and bring my other leg up to his other side.

I expect my heart to be beating all over the place, echoing in my ears. I expect my breath to catch and completely steal the air from my lungs. I expect my hands to shake even harder. But none of that happens. I can’t explain it. But this feels perfectly right. Like we’ve been here a million times before, and we’ll be here again. 

But I still have reason to fight this.

“You didn’t answer my question? Do I have reason to worry, Ridoc?” I keep my hips a safe distance above him, not sinking down just yet.

He grins as his fingertips trace circles on the backs of my thighs through my dressing gown. “You say the word Isla, and I’ll never leave you. Not unless you want me to.” 

I bring my thumb to trace his bottom lip. Is that declaration enough as a promise to me? I really fucking want it to be because all I want to do next is inhale this man. 

I hear the sound of my own voice asking him to, “Stay.”

He inhales, and I run my fingers through his hair, the ends of it starting to curl as it grows. He grips my hips, bringing me down fully into his lap.

“ Gods Isla, I’ll do anything you say. As long as you keep saying it with your hands like that.” He dips his head back, closing his eyes as I run my fingers through his hair. 

The soft moan he lets out makes me laugh, but it’s interrupted by the combined low whistle sound meaning both ‘yoohoo’ and ‘come here’.

The sound startles me, making me snap my body upwards, away from him. He growls, keeping the grip on my hips, “Damn it.”

“You should go…” I start to say but he just groans again, refusing to bring his head up and open his eyes, facing reality. “ Ridoc.” I warn, picking up his head with my thumbs on his jaw. 

He opens my eyes, meeting my gaze, and I really don’t want to be kicking him out when he’s looking at me like that. 

“You could be my alibi…” he smirks. 

The thought is tempting, but whatever is going on is bigger than just our selfish wants. “I thought you didn’t want to implicate me further? What will they say when you’re found with a healer who has particular skills and resources to heal your friend?” I half use this excuse to stall the inevitable of what’s happening between us. 

He sighs, loosening his grip on me, and I step back onto the floor. “You’re right.”

I chew on my lip, adjusting my dressing gown that came loose during all the movement. “I’ll see you later. Bring Aaric here if he’s not better by the morning, but I can’t risk exposing you by going to the Riders Quadrant myself.”

“You mean exposing you? ” He raises an eyebrow, shoving his hands back in his pockets. 

I reach up a hand, smoothing that eyebrow he has raised, making him soften his expression. “I mean us. ” 

He smiles then, the dimple on his chin forming and I trace my thumb down his trace to it. “ Us. I like the sound of that.” 

He stands and takes my hand in his, leaning down he grazes my nose with his. If I tilt my head just slightly up, or stand on my toes, our lips would touch. 

“RIDOC!” a whisper hisses from just outside the door, Rhiannon. 

I jump backwards, a safe distance of at least two feet between us now. “Go. You need to make your alibi elsewhere. I’ll see you and Aaric tomorrow.” I tug him towards the door by the grip he has on my hand.

He chuckles, “Look at you, one little push and you're heading down the slippery slope with us.”

I open the door, shoving him out of it. “Don’t make me regret it.”

Rhiannon is already standing there, yanking him by the collar as soon as he’s out the door.

“Goodnight Isla!” he whisper calls, as she tugs him away towards the stairs. 

I smile and roll my eyes, holding the door still open I see Aaric following, giving me a smirk. I narrow my eyes at him in warning, and he puts his hands slightly up in defeat as he turns to follow Ridoc and Rhiannon down the stairs. 

Fuck, this is trouble. But I can’t help but like it.

The next morning, I wake up, and while getting ready in my bathroom, I eye the figurine. 

Did Liam mean for all this to happen? Did he know what rabbits meant? Or was it just a coincidence? Accidental, coincidence. 

For once, the endless questions that I’ll never find or know the answers to don’t bring me to tears. And I realize, I also haven’t dreamt of him, or what could’ve been with him, in probably almost a week. 

I finish getting dressed, putting on stockings and layering a knitted sweater over my usual button up uniform shirt as the weather begins to chill with the fall October mornings. I snatch the figurine off the shelf, and pocket it in the pocket of my coat. 

I head out of my room and down through the dormitory stairs. It’s still relatively early, other healer cadets head off to their Sunday assignments, but I’m off this weekend. 

I head out of the Healer Quadrant, and onto the bridge that connects us to the Rider’s Quadrant. 

I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just know, I have to let go. I can’t keep wondering, if one thing had been different, if Liam was alive, would everything be different today? 

I don’t want to know. 

For the first time, I really mean that.

I don’t want to know. 

Everything has changed now in the last 48 hours, or even, since meeting Sloane a few weeks ago.

I gave away Liam’s jacket to her, that’s who it should belong to. But this little rabbit figurine, this belongs in another life . In a nursery somewhere, maybe, in another lifetime. One I’ll never meet.

The bridge is empty, besides me, not a rider in sight. As I near the middle of the bridge, I hear shouts and whistles echoing from the ravine. That must be the riders, they’re calling formation so early in the morning… on a Sunday. 

That can’t be good.

I stop in the middle of the bridge and peer out the side. I can’t see the riders quadrant from here, but they must be in formation. 

I really, really , hope I’m as good of a healer as I like to think I am. Because if they’re gathering all the riders, no doubt Aaric is at risk of being discovered. Also putting the rest of us at risk of being discovered as well. 

I can’t worry about that now. I have something to finish. 

I look down into the treacherous ravine, two hundred or more feet below, the river rushes between the jagged rocks.

I reach into the pocket of my coat, pulling out the small little rabbit figurine. 

I hold my hand out, gripping it in a fist, over the edge. For the last time, I say, “Goodbye, Liam Mairi.”

I spread my fingers open, opening up my palm, and drop it into the ravine down below. 

It’s so small, I lose sight of it before I can see if it reaches the bottom. But of course it does, and probably gets swept up by the current. Joining the other rocks and lost things below.

Chapter Text

I untie my apron around my healer’s uniform, hanging it up on the hooks by the back door of the infirmary. I’m finishing up a shift, it’s Wednesday, and I haven’t seen Ridoc or any of them for that matter in over three days. I can only hope that means they got away with it and Aaric wasn’t discovered. 

From the corner of my eye, as if called into existence from my thoughts, I see Ridoc’s stocky muscular figure walking towards me. He walks with his head down, trying not to meet the eyes of the other healers. 

I shift my stance, all business, as he approaches. “Cadet Gamlyn, how can I help you? I’m just getting off shift unfortunately.”

His mouth smirks, only for me to see. Unfortunately. As if his eyes say sarcastically. 

“Perfect timing actually, I was hoping you might help me research a perfect remedy?” he winks at me, healer cadets bustle in and out around us, coming on and off shift. 

“I think I can find the time for that.” I smile, and turn towards the back doors so we can escape into the tunnels, out of view from everyone.

He follows me as I lead him down into the tunnels below. For all anyone knows we disappeared heading for the library to research that perfect remedy.

He walks side by side with me now, and I stop on the bottom step of the staircase. He rounds off the bottom step, turning to face me, so we’re almost the same height. 

“Hi.” I say with a smile, placing my hands lightly on his shoulders.

“Hi,” he leans forward, his hands finding my hips. 

I tense up, the courage to step over this imaginary line between us is going to need some time to build up again after I haven’t seen him for so many days.

“Where have you been? I assume things went okay with Aaric? I heard them call formation the next morning.” my eyes flutter across his face, trying not to focus too intently and get sucked in. 

He sighs, and brings a hand up to toy with a loose curl that’s come out of my bun. “Aaric, yes he’s fine. They didn’t discover him. But we have a new problem at hand..” he toys with my curl the entire time, not meeting my eyes.

“ We?” I question, does he mean him and I… or his squad of troublemakers?

He meets my eyes finally, “We.” he nods. “I need your help again, Isla.”

Oh. So that’s why he’s here. He needs my skill set. Toying with my feelings is just an added form of entertainment. 

I take a step back onto the stair behind me. Bringing us a safe distance apart and his hand falls, my hair out of his reach. 

“So… what is it? What do you need my help with then?” I say a little more tense that I’d like to make it sound. I don’t want to reveal to him my disappointment so soon. 

He tightens his lips in a line, his brow furrowing slightly. I get the sinking feeling I’m not going to like the answer. 

“So… Violet is missing.” he blurts out.

Violet. 

Violet fucking Sorrengail needs rescuing again. And now I’m getting roped in to help her?

I don’t need to voice any of this for him to understand my hesitation, it’s written all over my face. He sucks in a breath, “ Please. Violet has been missing for over three days now. At first we didn’t think anything of it, she’s always hiding in her room on the weekends. But, then she missed classes Monday, and then yesterday, and now today too.”

I’m not following. “And…? How do you think I can help find her?” The woman has a dragon for gods’ sakes. She could be anywhere, fly anywhere. 

He grips the side rail of the stairs, shifting his weight awkwardly. “So…” he brings his hand up to run through his hair, I noticed he hasn’t shaved today either. His jawline wears the slightest shadow. “I have this crazy theory… and I really don’t want to upset you but…” he trails off, tightening his lips.

I have no clue what he could be talking about or what might upset me. “Out with it, Ridoc?” I’m already annoyed that this meeting is the result of Violet Sorrengail’s needs and not mine. 

“I think Nolon is helping Commandant Varrish heal his torture victims in secret.” he drops his hand, and it claps at his side, echoing down the tunnel.

I scoff, my jaw dropping slightly. “ Nolon ? You think Nolon is helping torture people? When his job is to heal people?” I take a step back down toward him, so we can speak in hushed tones as we discuss these insane accusations.

He bites his lip, “He’s not a healer, Isla. He’s a rider. It’s not his job. He’s not sworn to the Code of Chricton.”

I gasp slightly, he’s right. Nolon’s job isn’t to heal, he merely obtains the skill of mending. As much as I hate to think of him badly, after he mended me, he’s not sworn to any oath to do no harm. 

“So you’re telling me, Violet is being tortured? And Nolon is helping to cover it up?” my voice is only a harsh whisper now. Who knows who else could be creeping through these tunnels.

His jaw flexes, “Yes.” 

“And you want me to…” I trail off, still not knowing how entirely I fit into this rescue mission. 

“Find where they’re doing it. From there, we’ll stage a rescue mission.” he finishes for me.

I raise an eyebrow. “ We?”

He shifts again, “My squad and I. We’ll be forever grateful for your help… again.” He adds. 

I sigh. I can help him. I have been growing a bit skeptical lately. My assignments for days end up being the same riders or infantry cadets I cared for the day prior, still waiting to be mended by Nolon. Or, we’ve been having to patch them up as best we can, the waiting list to see him being weeks long. I know we’re in the middle of a war but it wasn’t like this last year. But last year the riders didn’t have this Commandant Varrish, that I know of. 

I look back and forth down these tunnels that we’re in. These tunnels that I only know of because one time I saw Nolon coming out of them, and I went in thinking it was extra supply rooms. And now I frequently see him coming and going out of them. This has to be how he’s getting to where they’re keeping Violet. 

“These tunnels…” I start to tell him, and his eyes brighten. “It has to be through these tunnels. He doesn’t stay here in the infirmary. I’ve been seeing him more often than not taking these tunnels.” I chew on my lip, there’s no going back now. I’m about to join their rebel squad. “Go get the others and meet me down here. I’ll guide you guys to where I know there are some old rooms they used to use for some experimental trials.” 

Trials that were just about mixing poisons and antidotes that might be too lethal and could be possibly spread by airborne so they had to be some distance aways from Basgiath. Not torture chambers. But I learned about them while studying for the healers quadrant, we have some pretty remarkable antidotes today because of those trials. 

He gleams up at me, and reaches up to pull my head down, and kisses me swiftly on the top of my forehead. 

“Thank you, Isla. We’ll meet you back here in an hour.” I can’t help but smile back at him.

“Go down to your right, my left, and take the tunnel all the way until it stops. When you head up you’ll find the bridge that leads to the Riders Quadrant.”

He smirks, raising an eyebrow. “And is this how you’ve been sneaking around into the Riders Quadrant so much?”

I bite the inside of my cheek, hiding my smile, and give him a little shove. “ Go .”

He starts to trot backwards, grinning at me as he goes. I chew on my lip, my heart clenching in my chest at the sight of him leaving. I’m playing a delicate game with my own heart.

An hour later I’ve changed out of uniform and into the best outfit I could put together for scheming. Pants, a sweater, all a deeper blue shade than the light healer blue that is a stark contrast to the dark tunnels down here. 

I hide in the alcove that I had met Dain Aetos in those many weeks ago, listening for the approaching steps of Ridoc and his squad. I shift my weight back and forth nervously. What would my excuse be if I’m caught down here? Not dressed in uniform?

It’s too late before I can come up with an excuse. I hear the hushed tones of a group approaching, hopefully Ridoc and his friends. 

“This better work Ridoc, we don’t have much time.” a female voice I can only assume is Rhiannon says. 

“Would you have a little faith in me? Wasn’t I right the other night?” Ridoc whines. 

I step out of the shadows making them halt their steps abruptly, taking at least Sawyer by surprise. “You can trust me, Cadet Matthias. I think I proved myself the other night.” 

Rhiannon’s eyes widen slightly, and Sawyer looks back and forth between all of us. Ridoc’s face widens into a grin, he takes a step forward and takes my hand in his. 

“See? She’s here.” He says proudly, turning to his squadmates. 

“Thank you, Cadet Blair, for your help… again.” Rhiannon says, crossing her arms and giving me a tight smile. I notice they're all wearing more weapons than usual, her daggers glint in flicker of the mage lights at her forearms. 

I nod and return the smile. “Let’s go.” I turn around, Ridoc letting go of my hand only to find my other one as we start walking. He brushes the top of my hand with his thumb, a question, Is this okay? I let my fingers intertwine with his, squeezing his hand slightly in answer.

We don’t speak as we head down, the light footsteps of our boots the only sounds as we try to tread carefully through the winding tunnels. We come across a fork, I stop and turn to them. 

“Take this one on the left. You’ll find a set of stairs, at the bottom are the set of rooms. The rooms I’m assuming they're using for… interrogation now.” I keep my voice soft, careful not to let it echo with how close we are to where they might be hiding Violet now. 

“Thank you.” Rhiannon whispers as she passes me, Sawyer follows her, giving me a quick nod and smile as he goes by.

I let my fingers loosen and so does Ridoc, he turns to face me. “Thank you so much Isla. Wait here, Violet will likely need some healing when we return. If we’re not back in an hour…” he shifts his weight, “Leave. That means something has gone wrong.” 

I drop his hand completely, and take his face in both my hands. I tip toe up and kiss him softly on the cheek. “Just come back… please.” I say, stopping myself from adding ‘... to me ’ and making the moment feel all too familiar. 

He grins, “Nothing can stop me from continuing this. ” he says leaning forward and giving me a quick peck on the forehead. He trots past me, catching up with Rhiannon and Sawyer before she can drag him back again. 

And so I wait. 

And wait. 

I avoid checking my watch, because I don’t want to know that it’s been longer than an hour. 

It’s been over two when I finally do check.

Shit.  

I start to hear boot steps, too many loud and numerous bootsteps to be Ridoc and his squad. I dive into the mouth of the right hand fork, hoping they’re just head out and not in the direction of wherever this leads. 

I watch them retreat down the tunnel from the shadows of the fork I’m in. 

“Idiots, the lot of them. They think they’re little heroes. If she doesn’t break by afternoon tomorrow, I’ll have to bring in the boy. He should break her.” a tall ominous figure says as he retreats, flanked by other cadets, a female to his right. 

“You think he’ll do it?” she asks him.

“I think he’ll do whatever is necessary for the good of the Quadrant. He won’t break a Vice Commandant’s order. ” he growls. And I don’t need to see any insignia or patches on the front of his uniform to know that this is Vice Commandant Varrish. 

I stay hidden for another hour, until I’m sure he’s gone. 

They took Ridoc and his squad too. My stomach churns, thinking about what they could be doing to them.

I have to do something, and I wrack my brain for what I could possibly do. For who I could possibly turn to. I approach the stairs leading up to the infirmary, and stop short. My eyes fixed on the alcove. 

By what chance do I happen to know a certain wingleader?  

But will he help them? 

I have to at least try. 

I hear footsteps approaching, and I brace myself because I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to say. I tossed and turned all night thinking about it. It was almost 1 am by the time I got back to my room. I very well couldn’t go barging into Dain Aetos’ room in the middle of the night. 

I had to wait until morning. The Vice Commandant said we had until this afternoon if she doesn’t break, he’d bring in… someone else. 

It was almost midday and I paced in Dain’s room now. Hoping he’d show up before then and praying to all the gods that he’d help. 

He has too, right? I know he and Violet were childhood friends. I don’t even know all the facts, I don’t know why Violet has been taken. I just know I care about Ridoc, and he and his friends are in trouble. 

The door handle begins to turn and then it swings open. He lifts his head slowly, his eyes widening when he sees me. He quickly unsheathes a sword from the weapons rack beside the door and holds it in a fighting stance. 

I leap off of his desk where I had been leaning, “Dain!! It’s me! Isla..”

His shoulders relax and he lowers his sword, “Shit! Isla, I’m sorry. What are you…?” He shuts the door behind him. “I mean, it’s nice to see you but..” he stammers, re sheathing his sword in the weapons rack and rubbing the back of his neck where it’s flushing red. 

“Forget it, Dain. I’m not here on a personal visit.” I breathe past the awkwardness. I haven’t seen him in over a month since I fell asleep while waiting for him in this exact room. “I’m here to see you as the Wingleader of the Fourth Wing.”

He scrunches his eyebrows, “Okay? What do you have to do with rider business?”

“Violet has been captured. I don’t know why or how, but she’s been being interrogated, and likely tortured, by your Vice Commandant for four days now.” I blurt out, there’s no simpler way to put this. 

“Varrish? What.. no. There must be a valid reason.” he rubs his hand across his jawline where his beard has grown out a quite bit now, but still is kept clean and sharp looking. 

I fidget with my hands, impatiently pacing and stopping in front of him. “I don’t know. Like you said, what do I know about rider business? All I know is that I helped locate where they’re hiding her, and led the rest of her squad, and now they’re missing too. And you’re their Wingleader. You must pull some sort of weight?” 

He furrows his brows again, taking a step towards me. “ You led them to where they were torturing Violet? And now they’re missing too?” 

He’s surprised, and I am too. Long gone are the days when I wasn’t tangled up in rider’s business somehow. 

“Yes, and you have to help them. Please Dain,” I grab onto the front of his uniform shirt, desperately. I can’t bear to think what they’re doing to Ridoc… and his friends. Of course. “We don’t have much time. This afternoon he’s going to-”

“ Okay, okay. Isla.” I’m rambling, and wrinkling his shirt. He takes hold of my hands off of him. “I’ll see what I can do to help them. Though, gods know how you got swept up in this anyways.” he brushes a curl behind my ear, and I’m too desperate right now to pull away from him. I ponder his question, when did I get swept up in all this? Did it start with Liam...? Or Ridoc…? Or maybe even him?

“Thank you.” I mutter. He lets go of my hands.

“Let’s go, show me where you lost them.” He turns for the door and I follow him, but as he pulls the door open, someone is already there.

He shoves his body in the frame, closing the door enough so I’m not within view. I gasp slightly and step around the backside of the door near the weapons rack, careful not to crash into it and reveal my presence.

“Cadet Aetos,” a female voice purrs, the same female voice from the tunnels last night. “Vice Commandant Varrish requests your presence.”

Dain straightens his stance, but doesn’t open the door any further. “Of course, I’ll meet him-”

“You’ll come with us.” She finishes for him. And so there’s multiple of them on the other side of that door. 

“Of course, Lieutenant.” He steps through the door, shutting it firmly behind him and leaving me inside. 

We’re too late, the Commandant’s plans already in motion. And the boy he was referring to, it must have been Dain. He’s going to use him as… what? Leverage against Sorrengail? Hoping threatening or using her childhood friend will get her to talk?

I sigh, walking over to the bed and plopping down on my back. There’s nothing left to do but wait now. I have to wait until they’re far enough where they won’t catch sight of me leaving his room. 

I pray to Amari, wishing that Ridoc will be okay.

Chapter Text

That afternoon, I’m called to the infirmary. We’re being told all hell is breaking loose with the riders and we should prep to receive lots of injuries… and possibly casualties.

That information doesn’t help calm my nerves or make me worry less about Ridoc and his friends, but at least it keeps my hands busy. I hate idling waiting to see what happens around here.

“Isla come quick! They want you.” Bri grabs my arm, making me drop a sheet from the bed I was making. 

“What!? Who??” She drags me by the arm to the back of the infirmary. They’ve recently opened up a few of the single private rooms again. Now I know it’s because they’ve moved their antics elsewhere. 

When we enter the room, I see the back of Dain, at first standing at the foot of the bed. 

“Cadet Aetos,” I chirp. Excited to see him only to find out what’s happened. 

He turns to me, “Cadet Blair.” He nods, his mouth forming a tight line as he moves he reveals  the scene before us. 

My mouth drops open, but I reel in the gasp that's bubbling up my throat from leaving it.

Violet Sorrengail lies in the bed, at least I can tell for sure from her hair. The rest of her body varies in numerous shades of black, blue, purple and even red. Her right eye is almost swollen shut, and there’s dried blood caked everywhere. 

Xaden sits beside her bed holding her hand delicately, and Nolon on the other. 

Nolon gets up from his place beside her, “Cadet Blair, would you be so kind to take over for me? I feel my strength has been spent, I’ve mended her major injuries as much as I can.” He looks tired, and distraught. 

But I bite the inside of my cheek, holding in my rage that he was any part of this that allowed this level of harm to come to her. It goes against everything I stand for as a healer. 

“Of course, Lieutenant Colbersy.” I give him a curt nod. He pats my shoulder on the way out. 

I look at the three of them, I have so many questions. But first, Violet needs my full attention. 

“I’ll be back with supplies…” Xadens expression is unreadable, but the tension in the air is palpable. “And something for her pain.” 

His brow furrows slightly, “Thank you, Isla.” he gives me a nod as I turn on one heel to leave. He couldn’t care less about formalities and hiding the fact that we’re familiar with each other right now. Especially given it’s just us Cadets now. 

As I’m heading out of the supply closet, I nearly drop my armful of supplies as I see Ridoc approaching. He’s still dressed in the same armor I last saw him in, and a five o'clock shadow spreading across his jaw.

He jogs up to me, I notice the rest of the infirmary is in a scene of disarray as well. Cadets, both in healer blue and rider black flit around frantically. 

“Ridoc,” my tone heavy with relief. He flashes me a smile and my heart skips a beat.

“Isla,” he sighs and envelopes me in a hug around my shoulders. I sigh as well, breathing in his scent. From what I’ve seen so far, he doesn’t have any visible injuries. That’s all I care about, not what people might think about a public display of affection like this. 

“Here, let me help you.” He pulls back, starting to take boxes of gauze out of my arms. 

“They’re for Violet. Nolon has mended her but she’s still in very bad shape.” he makes a grunt of disapproval. “What happened to you all? Are you okay?” I hiss under my breath as we approach Violet’s room.

“I’m fine. We’re fine. Let’s just…” he opens the door for me into Violet’s room and stops abruptly when he spots the scene before us. 

“ Vi,” he croaks. I start to set my supplies down on a side table next to her bed. Violet’s awake, but Ridoc's gaze quickly slides to Dain, pinning him with a glare.

“What is he doing here?” he nearly growls.

Dain crosses his arms, giving him a look as if to say How dare you talk to your wingleader like that. I roll my eyes. 

“I asked him for help when you were taken.” I don’t look at him as I reply, beginning to work on Violet. “Open and lift your tongue,” I tell her, holding a tincture above her lips. She does so, unable to respond fully to me. 

“ You asked him for help? Isla, do you know-” Ridoc starts but is cut off by Dain. 

“ I was instrumental in rescuing Violet, Cadet Gamlyn. No thanks to you.” he says, attempting to use a voice of authority. I should have brought a measuring tape with me. 

Ridoc scoffs, crossing his arms and stepping forward. “Yeah? Well that still doesn’t make up for-”

“ Ridoc.” A real voice of authority speaks now, Xaden Riorson. I look at Xaden, his brow furrowing silently. I don’t know what their drama with each other is, but Xaden’s put a stop to it. He glances at me.

“Thank you, Cadet Blair. For your help in locating Violet.”

Dain side steps, coming closer to me on the side of Violet’s bed, earning himself a glare from Xaden. His movement takes a stance, she’s with me.  

I tense, and glance up at Xaden, giving him a nod.  “Of course, Lieutenant Riorson.” He called me by my first name earlier, but I’m not letting the others wonder how we are on such familiar terms. 

Violet gives me a soft smile, “So it was you, that discovered where they were keeping me?” The tincture is beginning to take effect, she’s able to speak now. It really does pain me to see her like this. 

“It was. Cadet Sorrengail, you have very loyal friends and people who care about you.” I say referencing Ridoc but not making it so obvious he was the one who looped me in. “Now don’t talk, you need your rest. You’re only half mended.”

“Rest Violet,” Dain tells her, “And will you let me know when you’re finished Cadet Blair? Then I will call formation.” He says to me while trailing his fingers lightly down my spine to the small of my waist. 

I have to force my body not to have a reaction. His words feel heavier with meaning, and I’m not the only one who takes note of it. Both Xaden and Ridoc look between the two of us. I’m sure Violet would too if her eyes weren’t nearly swollen shut. 

Ridoc crosses his arms and a line forms between his brows, and he continues to look back and forth between us. I don’t pay him any attention and continue to clean up Violet’s face from all the fresh and dried blood stains. 

“Of course, Cadet Aetos.” I tighten my lips between my teeth. Glancing up only with my eyes, I see Xaden looking between Dain and I once again, but his expression is unreadable. 

Dain leaves heading towards the back exit of the infirmary. 

“Looks like you got some competition, Ridoc.” Violet says, her mouth slightly smirking where I clean it with gauze and looking at Ridoc at the foot of her bed. 

“ Violet. ” Xaden scolds, “The healer said no talking.” 

She lets out a soft chuckle, but then winces in pain at her ribs which are half mended. The tincture has only dulled her pain so far, not completely eradicated it.  

“No laughing either.” I tell her. “There’s no competition.” I announce matter-of-factly to not one person in particular. 

I can feel Ridoc shifting uncomfortably at the foot of her bed, but I don’t spare him a glance. I continue to dab at Violet’s face. It seems Dain is a sore spot for him, I’m not sure how or if I’ll tell him about our past. There’s enough baggage of mine with Liam that he knows too much already. 

“You’ve got a type, Cadet Blair. Should I be worried?” Violet croaks.

“ Violet!” Xaden growls as he scolds her again. 

I suck in the inside of my cheeks, keeping myself from reacting. But inside I’m seething that she would even reference Liam. I withdraw my hand holding the gauze from her face and look up at Xaden, giving him the fakest smile. “I’m going to go get some more supplies.”

He nods at me, and his eyes might even look a tad apologetic. I can’t be too hard on Violet, she doesn’t know the full truth about me and Liam, but he does.

I leave her bedside and walk to the end of the infirmary towards the supply closet. I can’t help but still feel a little pissed at Violet for commenting on my love life. There’s barely anything to comment on anyways, Ridoc and I haven’t even kissed yet. We’re… maybe friends? It’s a delicate situation right now. Dain on the other hand is another story. 

I hear bootsteps follow me into the closet. I sigh and turn around, already knowing who it is. 

The door swings shut with a click behind us. “So that’s what’s going on here, huh? You and I can only be just friends because of him?” his eyebrows raise, “ Aetos, of all people?”

“Ridoc. I went to your wingleader when you went missing after using me for another one of your schemes again .” I turn away as if to dismiss his ridiculousness, rifling through the shelves in search of nothing in particular. 

He leans on his forearm against the shelves into my line of view. “So this is my fault? You’re saying I set you two up or something?”

I toss a pack of gauze back into its bin, facing him again. “There is no setting us up! There is no him and I!”

He raises an eyebrow at me, straightening his stance. “Really? Because he stood there like…. claiming you, and then touched you like someone who’s already fucked you.”

My gaze collides with his. I tighten my lips between my teeth. First Violet references my type, including Liam . And now I’m being reminded of my one night with Dain while I was grieving. I’m not in the mood to play nice anymore. 

“Jealous much, Ridoc Gamlyn?” I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes at him and taking a step towards him. Keeping it light but also deflecting. 

His wild eyes search my face, his chest heaves. “Of course I am, Isla. You’re all I’ve been able to think about for weeks, months even. And I’ve had to watch you one too many times with someone else. I’ll be damned if I watch you with fucking Aetos.” He rakes his hands through his hair, and it’s like he’s pulling a string within me towards him. 

But since that night in the bell tower, he’s still only sought me out when he needs my help. I can’t give in that easily. 

“And so you want my body? What’s new with Ridoc.” I roll my eyes and keep my arms firmly crossed at my chest, keeping the distance between us. He’s going to have to try harder

“No. I want you. I just want to know you better, Isla. Gods, I’m actually invested in you. In this, whatever this is. We’re in the middle of a war, a revolution now, and you’re the only bright light in all of this… for me. I know I’m all jokes, but I only care about making you smile.” He places his hands on either side above my head, as I’m leaning back against the storage shelves. 

And Gods know he does make me smile. With him, I can relax. I feel a little like myself again, whoever that may be. 

“So what are you going to do about it, Ridoc?” I ask breathlessly, the front of my apron brushing against his chest as I stand on my tip toes up towards him. 

My question is a challenge, for sure. But also an invitation. My hands twitch as my sides in anticipation. I’m ready to dive headfirst into this, if he is too. 

He licks his lips, glancing down at mine. “What do you want me to do about it, Isla? Remember? I’ll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands.”

I bring my hands to his face, slowly stroking his bottom lip with my thumb, crossing the dimple on his chin, and then bringing that same thumb to my lips. I don’t need to voice the words. Because the next thing I know his lips are mine. 

His lips are warm, molten, and they make me melt into his arms as he grips me both hands on my hips. For someone whose signet is ice wielding, he is so warm every time I touch him. The warmth of the kiss is balanced with the roughness of his unshaven jawline. 

We’re both hungry for each other. The anticipation built up for weeks since we came so close that time in the hallway of the riders dorms. And again on the belltower. And again in my room. 

I slide my fingers into his hair, and his scent envelopes me. The contradicting, spicy and sweet, floral and citrus, I want to wear that scent to bed every night. I suck in his bottom lip, hoping to maybe get a taste of it, and he lets out a soft moan. 

I smile into the kiss, opening my eyes to see the look on his face. He does the same, and a wicked grin grows on his face when his eyes meet mine. He slides his hands down the back of my thighs and picks me up, my ass supported halfway onto one of the shelves behind me. 

I let out a laugh with the movement, “Gods I love that smile, Isla.” He kisses me again, but lightly, then pulling away he grazes my nose with his. “But it’s those eyes that drive me crazy.” 

“I don’t know how you did it, but I can’t get enough of you, Ridoc. I’ll help you with every crazy scheme you think up if I can just be around your warmth.” he pulls away a bit, but leans his forehead against mine. 

“So… you’re coming with us, right?” His eyes are nearly desperate, searching mine. 

I push away from him slightly, my face furrowing in confusion. “Going with you? Where?”

He bites his lip, “I can’t tell you exactly. It has to stay secret from leadership, but it’s far from here. That’s what Aetos is going to call formation about. He’s going to expose the truth to everyone, and we have to leave before they kill us for it.”

Now I break his grasp on me. He’s asking me to leave Basgiath? And he could be killed.

“You’re asking me to leave Basgiath? To what… run away with you? And join your band of rebels?” my heart flutters in my chest, this is insane. 

He furrows his brows forming a look of concern, “Yes, basically.”

I chuckle, hopping off of the shelf. He backs up a step so I have room to step down. “Ridoc. This is crazy. What truth is D-... Aetos going to reveal?” He doesn’t react to my almost misstep, instead he just looks down at me, biting his lip.

“Did your parents ever read to you those folklore tales? About wyvern, evil dragon-like creatures, but not dragons, who breathe blue fire? And their evil masters, called the venin, who suck the magic out of any living thing?” His eyes wildly search mine, desperate for me to understand. 

His story jogs a memory, me reading those stories to my little sisters. “Yes I… I used to read them to my sisters. I had to stop because Liviana, the youngest, started telling them at school and the other kids got too scared.”

His mouth cracks into a half smile about this, “Well… what if I told you they’re real?” he leans an arm above me again. 

My heart sinks. Because suddenly I know . I just know that he’s telling the truth. And I have the creeping feeling this has something to do with Liam’s death as well. Liam was the best in his year, and Violet has the second deadliest dragon alive. They didn’t go down without a fight.

“I’d believe you.” I whisper, because for some reason it feels like a secret. Because it is a secret. There’s a reason we were made to believe they were just folklore, scary stories to tell children so they’d behave.

A slow smile spreads on his face and he kisses me again. The ache that instantly forms within me takes me by surprise. Five seconds after we’ve first kissed, it’s like I’ve fastened myself to him, and I don’t ever want to let go.

He pulls away, and a serious look spreads across his face now. “You have to come with us, please Isla. You’re not safe here. Even if leadership doesn’t fault you at all after that’s happened, they’re coming. And you’re not safe if leadership won’t even admit that they exist. ” He swallows and caresses the sides of my face, entangling my hair in his fingers.

“Okay.” I answer with a swallow of my own. 

His mouth slides into a huge grin, and he picks me up, strong arms encircling my waist, and spins me. My hair flies, crossing onto my shoulder when he sets me down. When we return to Violet’s room they’re definitely going to be able to tell what’s happened between us. 

I’m giggling, but a thought hits me, making me stop. “Just one more thing.”

He grins, pressing another kiss to my lips briefly. “Anything.” 

I place my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at me seriously. “We need to get Bri to come.”

I hear a scoff that doesn’t come from Ridoc. My hands instantly drop from his face.

“Well look what we have here?” I whip my head to face the voice, pushing Ridoc away slightly but he keeps a grip on my hips. Bri is full blown smirking in the doorway. “Get me to go where?” she quips, raising an eyebrow and looking back and forth between us.

My eyes widen and I reach out and pull her by the front of her apron into the room with us. Her eyes slightly furrow in confusion as the door clicks behind her. Ridoc lets me go, taking a step back.

“Ridoc. You fill her in. I need to get back to Violet.” I reach behind me quickly, grabbing another pack of gauze and reaching behind Ridoc to grab another bottle of sterile water. 

Bri puts her hands up slightly, “Oh no , not if that’s what you two call filling me in.” She chuckles. 

Ridoc smirks at me, rubbing a hand across his chin. I roll my eyes toward Bri as I pass her, heading towards the door. “Just listen to him, will you? Then meet us in Sorrengail’s room.”

She opens her mouth to protest, but I leave through the door letting it swing behind me. 

If she agrees, it looks like I’ll have to ask Dain for one more favor. And we’ll both need to find clothes suitable and warm enough for flying .

Chapter Text

“Ridoc… I don’t know if I can do this!”

I stand at the bottom of Aotrom’s hind leg, Ridoc has already mounted and sits atop him from what seems like twenty feet above me. Sawyer passes along my pack to him and reaches down and grabs it, hauling it up with him, like he’s supposed to do with me in a second. 

Thank the gods he found some flight leathers with pants for me to change into so I don’t have Sawyer’s head up my skirts while we try to maneuver this. But I still wear a pale blue sweater underneath my borrowed flight jacket, my hair braided as tightly as I could manage but my curls will never fully comply. 

“You can do it! Come on, we’ve got you!” He calls down to us. 

Sawyer comes walking over to me, my heart is beating out of my chest and not in a good way. 

“You ready?” he asks me. 

“Does it matter if I say no?” I raise an eyebrow at him. 

He chuckles, “Come on, I’ll give you a boost and Ridoc will pull you the rest of the way up.”

I gulp almost comically. He smiles kindly to reassure me, “And respectfully, that means I’ll have to put my hands on you.”

I half roll my eyes, “I really don’t care at this point. Just don’t drop me.”

He laughs and walks around behind me, his hands find my waist. “Watch it! Henrick!” Ridoc calls down at us. 

I scoff and I imagine Sawyer gives him a look from behind me but I’m more focused on making it up there to meet him. Sawyer leans down to my ear level in a half squat preparing to lift me. 

“Okay on my count, I’m going to lift you and you find your footing, and then Ridoc will help you the rest of the way up. Ready?” His hands grip my waist, preparing to lift me. My stomach churns. 

This time I really do need to confirm with him that I’m ready. Here goes nothing. “Ready.” I nod. 

“1… 2…” he lifts me a foot off the ground, and I scramble to find my footing in my borrowed boots on Aotroms hind leg. I reach out for Ridoc’s hand without taking my eyes off of my feet and Aotrom below. 

His warm grasp finds mine, and Sawyer lets go of me. Ridoc takes my hand and drags me headfirst to meet him. I find it easier if I quicken my pace than focusing too much and throwing myself off balance. I nearly jump into the seat with him when I make it all the way up. 

I sit with my back against his chest and his arms envelope me. I turn to look up at him.

“Hi,” he says with a devilish grin. 

“Hi.” I smile and feel butterflies cool within my stomach. I made it, I successfully mounted a dragon. Now just for the easy part, flying. Right?

“Thank you!” I call down to Sawyer and he gives us a cheeky smile and wave, walking away to mount his own dragon. I look around us to find I’m not the only odd one out paired with another rider. There’s three other scribes paired with riders around us, their cream robes a stark contrast to the surroundings. I don’t know how they won’t freeze up here with us. To my right, Brielle is being helped in the same way I was to mount a red swordtail belonging to Dain Aetos, who sits up top. 

I sort of feel bad taking favors from him so easily, but then again, he seems to like having control over things. There were no hard feelings when I asked him to transport Bri to… to wherever the hell we’re going, and also told him we're not going to happen again. Bri gives us a wave as she mounts to sit in front of him, I return the wave, meeting Dain’s gaze. I give him a nod in thanks and he returns it. Ridoc tightens his grip around me.  

I lean back into him and turn my attention up towards him again. His hands grip my hips and he smiles wryly down at me, “Enjoying this?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Very much so.” he gleams and leans down slightly. “You think we could join the mile high club on this trip?” his lips brush my ear, and I have to remind myself we are surrounded by hundreds of witnesses and I can’t just reach up to keep his mouth right there. 

Aotrom gives a huff, blowing out steam from his nostrils. I’m assuming he doesn’t appreciate that idea.

I laugh, “I don’t think Aotrom would appreciate that. And I think we’d freeze our asses off, quite literally.” I add as Aotrom starts to walk forward, creating a breeze, and if I wasn’t wearing flight leathers I’d already be cold. 

Ridoc chuckles and I feel his shoulders heave around me. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you .” and he kisses the side of my temple, catching a few of my fly-away hairs there. 

I have this weird sense of dejá vu, but the feeling isn’t quite the same. 

The flying part isn’t as bad as I expected. Although it’s long . I shift uncomfortably in the seat with Ridoc often. He just cradles me, and kisses my temple from time to time. Eventually, I lean my head back into his neck and drift asleep. I imagine the unruly strands of my hair whip into his face, but he doesn’t mind and kisses my forehead as well. 

I awaken when I feel the wind start to slow. We’re descending, and Ridoc grips my waist as I lean forward to look down into the valley below. There’s already a few dragons landed with riders descending from them, including the ginormous black one bonded to Violet Sorrengail. But I don’t see her silver strands anywhere around as Aotrom lands a few yards away from him, earning a snuff from the huge dragon.

I look to our right and see Dain is helping Bri descend beside us. Ridoc half stands out of the seat behind me. “Aotrom will kneel and extend his leg, giving you a ramp to descend. I’ll go first and be there to catch you.” He gives me a quick peck on the top of my head, reaching behind me and grabbing our packs. 

I raise an eyebrow at him, “If you say so,” 

He chuckles, tossing his pack onto the ground and looping mine over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Remember?” He winks at me before he descends with ease. Watching him does kind of put me at ease a bit. 

Aotrom lowers himself to the ground and extends out his leg. I breathe out with a sigh, “Thank you, Aotrom. You know I think you’re my favorite dragon so far.” I reach forward and pat him on the scales above the seat. He breathes out a puff of steam through his nostrils, and turns his head side to side. I’m guessing that’s approval. 

I slowly stand, holding my arms out for balance, and begin to descend down his leg. Keeping my eyes down at my feet while Ridoc waits below with his own arms outstretched. I hop down without needing his hand to guide me. 

“Well look at my girl, that was better than most of the First Years on their first try.” he takes my hand in his, intertwining his fingers with mine. I smile up at him, but quickly catch sight of the scene that’s happening to our right. 

Two Rider Lieutenants begin to lead Dain and Bri away, gripping them by the arms that don't look like a warm welcome. 

“Hey!” I push past Ridoc and jog towards them, he follows. The Lieutenants don’t stop and so I round in front of them to stop them. “Where are you taking them?”

One of the Lieutenants gives me an incredulous look, and glances down at the collar of my unzipped jacket, then back to my face. “Cadet Aetos here and his friend are being taken into custody, he is an enemy of our cause, Healer Cadet.”

They start to walk again, but I walk backwards blocking their way as well. “Listen! I don’t know what he’s done,” my eyes flash apologetically to Dain, he doesn’t look the least bit surprised or worried that this is happening. “But she’s a Healer Cadet as well. We came here together after aiding your cause. Don’t you think a Rider Cadet would have arrived on their own dragon if she could?”

The two Lieutenants exchange looks with each other, glancing down at Bri and then me. Ridoc puts a hand on my shoulder. A male figure jogs up to approach us, tall, tan, and at first I think it’s Xaden Riorson. My chest heaves with relief. But he comes into view, and my stomach churns with doubt again. 

“Healer Cadet Blair here is telling the truth. The other Healer Cadet has no real association with Cadet Aetos here. And the two of them are not of any threat, given that they are sworn by the Code of Chricton to never harm a beating heart.” He unzips his jacket as he talks, revealing the relic on his arm, it’s stifling hot in this valley. 

The Lieutenant with Bri drops her hand from Bri’s shoulder, but keeps a light grip on her arm. “Bodhi,” she says, dropping any formalities of titles. 

He flashes her a smile, and I suddenly remember how I recognize him. My stomach churns again, this time out of embarrassment as he quickly glances at me, Ridoc’s hand on my shoulder, and then to Dain. He’s the Third Year Cadet that caught me leaving Dain’s room those few months ago… Cadet Durran. 

He shrugs off his jacket entirely, and adjusts his pack on his shoulder. “Please, I’d be happy to escort them to the infirmary to join the other healers myself. My cousin should agree that’s where they belong.”

Cousin…? 

He must mean Xaden, so that’s why they look so similar, just in softer lines. 

“That won’t be necessary.” a deep voice calls from behind us. Ridoc drops his hand from my shoulder as I turn around to face it.

Another tall male figure wearing rider black approaches us, but this one I for sure don’t recognize. He has cropped brownish-red curls that shine in the setting sun of the valley, and his amber colored eyes crease slightly at the corners as he peers at us, approaching.

“Lieutenant Riorson has informed me of these two healer cadet’s instrumental roles in rescuing my sister. I’ll escort them personally, as I’ll be mentoring them henceforth.” he turns to me, offering his hand out to shake. There’s an oddly intricate scar on his hand, a rune . I’ve seen them in the same story books that I would read to my sisters. 

And wait… did he say his sister?

“Lieutenant Colonel Aisereigh, formerly Sorrengail. But you can call me Brennan.” Another Sorrengail. For the love of Amari, it’s a family reunion for Violet and Xaden. But Brennan is helping me. So far we’re off to a better start than my relationship with his sister. 

I take his hand and shake it, “Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel. I’m Cadet Isla Blair, and this is Cadet Brielle Glasson.” 

I drop his hand, and he offers it out to Ridoc, palm up. “Cadet, if you’ll give me her pack. And Lieutenant, if you'll follow us instead, I’ll escort them to the infirmary.” 

Ridoc raises an eyebrow, just as confused at all this as me. “Okay… Big Brother Sorrengail…” he tentatively gives Brennan my pack, eyeing him up and down. 

He takes it, “It’s Lieutenant Colonel to you , Cadet…?” Now Brennan raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Ridoc Gamlyn, Flame Section, Fourth Wing.” 

The other Lieutenant starts to lead Dain away from the scene as Brennan gives him a nod. Dain looks thoroughly annoyed, his wingleader status gets him no points here. In fact, it probably does the opposite.

“Ah, you know my sister.” Brennan gives him a half smile now. 

Ridoc smiles, knowing this association has earned him points. “I do. She’s in my squad.” 

Brennan gives him a nod, and looks to Bodhi as well, “Cadet Gamlyn, Cadet Durran. You’ll join the other rider cadets and wait for orders and room assignments. Healers, you’ll be happy to hear your rooms are easier to assign along with the other healers. You’ve all had a long day, you should get some rest.” His eyes shift between Ridoc and I, sensing something between us.

“Of course, Lieutenant Colonel.” Bodhi speaks for all of us.

Brennan turns down to walk presumably out of the valley, Bri and the other female Lieutenant following. She shoots me a look like what the hell did I get her into.

I hesitate to follow, and Ridoc takes my hand, keeping me with him. “I’ll find you.” He says squeezing my hand. 

Suddenly I don’t feel so fearful of all this uncertainty. At least I have him here with me. “Okay. Try not to get into any trouble.” I give him a quick peck on the cheek. Bodhi looks down at his feet, hiding his smirk.

“I make no promises.” He winks at me, holding his hand out to hold onto mine a bit longer as I step away to follow Brennan and Bri. 

Making no promises is actually better than making promises that are only meant to be broken. I give him a smile, and turn around to trot after them. Unzipping my borrowed jacket as I do so. Gods the difference between the heat down here and the cold up there is stifling. I’ll keep my constant temperature of the infirmary even if it is a little chilly most times. 

Brennan leads us to the massive castle that is this rebellion’s headquarters. I’m thoroughly shocked that it’s not a pile of tents… but an actually organized headquarters with a real infirmary. Brennan informs us that this is Riorson House. Not castle… house. And did he say…

“Did you say Riorson? As in…” I trail off as we step into the foyer. I’ve never been inside a house this grand. 

“Yes. Technically this is the Duke of Tyrrendor’s residence. But since that title has not been used in some years since the last rebellion, it merely still belongs to the Riorson line, as does the rest of this city pretty much.” He talks with his hands crossed behind his back as we follow him, so military like. 

“Are you saying Xaden Riorson is a Duke?” He side eyes me, giving me a half smirk. 

“Not officially, but this is his house he’s so graciously lent to our cause.” 

I was going to make another quippy remark but Bri speaks up instead. “What city is this exactly?”

We pass through a set of double doors and into what I assume is the infirmary. Perfectly made white linen beds line either side of the walls down the long room. Just like any other infirmary. 

He turns on one heel to face us, a dimple forming on his cheek as he smiles. “Aretia.”

Both Bri and I are stunned, the word forming a pit in our stomachs. Aretia isn’t supposed to exist. But I guess neither are venin and wyvern. 

“Your room is down that corridor. Apologies, you’ll have to share on such short notice while we move some things around. But unlike the riders, you two will get the privilege of your own rooms in a couple days… or so.” I guess there are some perks to being a healer after all. No one suspects you of committing treason for a cause you didn’t even know existed. And you get your own room. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel. We’re very grateful for you to accommodate us.” I say as we follow him down the corridor to what I assume is our room.

“Please, it’s Brennan. I may not be a healer but I feel as if we are kin.” He opens the door to our room and hands Bri the set of keys. The Lieutenant carrying her pack drops it onto the floor with a thud. I stop myself from shooting her a glare. Brennan sets my pack on the foot of one of the beds to one side of the room. 

“What are you then?” Bri asks, and Brennan turns his attention to her, missing the glare I don’t hold back from shooting her. He’s our host and we’re lucky not to be thrown in solitary right now along with wherever they took Dain.

“I’m a mender.” He tells her and her eyes widen.

“Oh, wonderful. Thank you so much…” she trails off, unsure of what to call him because his first name still doesn’t feel right.

“You’re very welcome. We’ll start lessons at some point. I‘ll have the other healers give you a tour tomorrow but I’m sure healing works all the same here as it does in Basgiath. We may just have different resources.” He nods to both of us, and the female Lieutenant slips out. 

“Thank you Brennan.” I tell him, and he smiles, turning on one heel to leave. The door clicks behind him. 

I can’t believe that was Violet Sorrengails brother. He was so polite and nice. 

Bri lets out a heavy sigh. “Alright. Dibs on the first shower since you dragged me into this.” She sheds off her own borrowed flight jacket, tossing it onto the single desk chair. 

She’s right. Shower first. Then figure out what the hell we’re doing here after. I feel disgusting. I don’t know how riders do it. 

“Go ahead. I’m assuming it’s through there.” I nod toward the door next to the single desk that divides the room. To the other side of the door there’s only one armoire we’ll have to share as well. 

“You can take the bigger bed though, you’ll be needing it.” She smirks at me as she takes her pack into the bathing chamber with her. As she opens the door I see there’s another door at the other end of it. It must lead to an adjoining room. 

I glance to the other side of the room where there’s the other bed and it’s substantially smaller than mine. They couldn’t fit two double beds in here since this room is only meant for one. 

“Shut up!” I groan and she shuts the door, giggling. I unpack what little we were able to bring from my pack. But I’m blushing to myself because she’s probably right. 

I wonder where Ridoc is in this monstrosity of a house.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Bri and I are undertaken easily by the rest of the healers while the riders run around unsure of what to do with themselves. I didn’t even get to see Ridoc at breakfast, we have a small kitchen off of the infirmary for the healers. We’re almost completely separated from the rest of the house and the others. 

By lunch I’m positively buzzing to get out of the infirmary. The healers graciously excuse us since there's no real work for us to do, and they aren’t used to teaching around here. We’re excused to the library to find books to supplement our study. 

Bri went to go find something to eat, but I was too anxious to eat. I went wandering around the first floor, looking for the library. But almost every room I go into looks like a library or study. 

I also wonder where they’re keeping Dain, and the scribes. I heard they had also put them in separate quarters given they are also guilty of harboring information. It worries me a bit, that they’ll reconsider mine and Bri’s place here. But the Lieutenant Colonel himself vouched for us, as did the relative of the owner of this house . 

As I wander into another study I find the one person I’ve been looking for. 

“Ridoc,” I say with a sigh of relief as I spot him lounging on a small sofa, feet kicked over the edge of one arm. It’s been less than 24 hours since I’ve seen him but I swear he looks different, his hair is curling more at the ends as it grows. 

He drops the book he was holding above his head into his lap while sitting up. “Isla! Thank the gods, I was considering getting myself hurt just to find out where the infirmary was around here.”

I shift my weight where I stand, unsure of the appropriate way to behave. We kissed once , and spent nearly 12 hours in a saddle together although that wasn’t entirely romantic. But I guess I did run away with him so you could call that romantic. 

“Yeah. I was getting sick of that place already. They dismissed us to go study on our own in the library. Except they didn’t tell me where the library was. ” I walk over to the large desk in the middle of the room, trailing my fingers across its edge. Papers and maps are strewn about it, clearly this is someone’s actual study. 

He gets up out of his seat and walks over to me, I lean on the desk hesitantly. His eyes narrow on me, and there’s a hint of glimmer in them as he approaches. I lean further back so I’m half sitting on the edge. He puts his hands on either side of me onto the desk, leaning into my space.

“How is it, that it hasn’t even been 24 hours since I’ve last kissed you, and yet I’ve been dying thinking about when I’ll get to do it again?” his breath is hot on my neck as he takes me in. And I can’t hide that I’ve been thinking of the exact same thing. 

“So when will that be then?” my voice comes out raspy and his eyes collide with mine. 

His mouth quirks into a smirk, “In about 3… 2…” 

I bring his lips to mine before he can finish and he smiles into the kiss. I sit back completely on the desk, and thank the gods that riders don’t use ink with their pens, otherwise I’d probably either spill ink everywhere or have it all over my ass. And I’m limited on clothing options here.

I wrap my legs around his waist, bringing him closer. I wasn’t hungry for lunch but I am now for him. It’s like all at once, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Someone who is hungry for me as well as he grips my hips on the desk. 

I peel my mouth away from his and begin to kiss and lick my way down his neck. Satisfying my desire to taste his tattoo that leads down to his relic as well. One slip and I’m falling completely into this man. How I spent weeks, months even, denying what was between us I don’t know. 

“Damn Isla. If I knew all it took was an empty study to turn you on, I would have found a way to get you into one weeks ago.” He chuckles. 

I pull back to face him. “Right, we should stop. This is too much.” I always lose myself, and move too quickly. 

He looks around the room of the study just for show, obviously no one is in here besides us. “Isla this may be our only chance to be alone. I don’t know about you, but they’ve got us in barracks, sharing rooms. And Sawyer is such a sour puss these days given the state of his own love life that I don’t think he’ll be doing me any favors by lending me our room.”

Less than 24 hours and we’re already talking about having sex. But we’re both fools if we don’t admit that’s where this is heading. And this is Ridoc Gamlyn , of course, too. 

“Ridoc, we can’t do it here .” I glance towards the door behind him and then the one to our left that I had come through. 

The turning of my head reveals my neck, and he takes the opportunity to start ravishing it. He trails his lips and tongue up to my ear, just like what I had done but in reverse. “We could do something here,” he whispers heavily in my ear. I feel goosebumps go down my spine. 

I can’t help but play along. “And what did you have in mind?” I try to say suspiciously. 

He pulls back, and his eyes glisten, then he glances behind me. “Come here.” he pulls me by the hand, gently, and I hop off the desk. He leads me around the other side of it, and pulls out the chair.

“My lady,” he gestures grandly at the chair for me to sit. 

I raise an eyebrow at him but oblige. He pushes me into sitting at the desk, but still about a foot away from sitting completely inside. He kneels down in the gap between me and the desk.

“Ridoc, someone could walk in at any moment.” I whisper, even though all these books probably provide an effective sound barrier.

He grins devilishly up at me as he lowers himself half underneath the desk, and pulls me forward by the chair. “Well then I better make my job quick and efficient then.” He trails his hands up the back of calves and up to my thighs, lifting my skirts. 

I scoot down to give him better access but at the same time shoot him a warning look. “I’ll be timing you.” I say glancing at my watch as I grip the arms of the chair. 

“I love a challenge.” He murmurs into my thigh, making me giggle and squirm as his breath tickles. 

His eyes crease as he grins, and pulls my underwear to one side. “Ready?” 

I already feel my core winding up tight in anticipation already. I glance at my watch again, “Go.” I smirk back at him.

His tongue reaches my center, making me gasp at the sudden contact. When I meet his eyes again, I can tell he’s smirking. This is a challenge he’s going to win for sure, and he knows it. Although we never did set a time limit that qualifies for winning.  

My breath catches and my chest heaves as he licks and sucks his way around my folds. I glance to my left wrist. “One minute.” I gasp. He only smirks broader with his eyes, and begins to suck harder. The pressure feels incredible.

I let out a soft moan as I bring my knees up to open up wider for him. His hands slide down from my hips and he grips my ass.

“Two minutes.” I say as I tilt my head back and begin to writhe my hips against his tongue, eager for more. 

He moans into my center, and removes one hand, beginning to tease the outside of my entrance with two fingers. I bite my lip, and meet his eyes. He knows just exactly what I need. 

“Ridoc,” but this time my tone is pleading instead of warning. He nods up at me. “Three minutes” I add before tilting my head back again, my core wound up tight as he pushes his fingers inside me. I inhale a sharp gasp, squeezing my eyes shut tightly, savoring the sensation.

I feel his mouth being removed from my skin, but he continues to press his fingers up and forward inside me, hitting the exact right spot. 

“Now Isla, let me see those steely blue eyes as you come for me.” 

I half laugh, and snap my head back to meet his eyes. Of course I find him smirking before he lowers himself back down to my flesh again. 

“Four minutes.” his mouth gets back to work, and he flicks his tongue across the sensitive bud of my clit. I feel a wave of wetness flow where his fingers press and pulse exactly right within me. 

I try to keep my eyes on his, my breath is frantic as it comes out in breathy sighs. “Ridoc, I can’t…”

His eyes flare, and he nods at me as if to say, Yes you can.

He presses his tongue with just a little more pressure against my clit, and it’s exactly what I needed. “Ridoc!” I gasp and I let go of that tightness wound up inside me. Gasping and panting as my core releases. 

He stays on me as my orgasm slows, and I sit up when it’s finally over. He pulls away slightly, and I can finally see the smirk on his mouth. “Under five minutes? I’d call that a win.”

I scoff and lower my knees, “We never established a time limit. But I’ll give it to you.”

I sit up slightly higher, lowering my skirts. He scoffs as well, “You could give me-”

The door clicks open. 

I jolt upright, standing out of the desk chair. 

A head full of cropped auburn curls walks through the door with his head in a stack of papers. 

“Brennan!” I chirp, and kick Ridoc slightly underneath the desk, indicating to hide deeper within it. 

Brennan picks his head up, attention on me as the door swings shut behind him. “Isla?” his eyebrows raise slightly. “I see you’ve found my study. Sorry I couldn’t get to you two this morning, Assembly matters.” he starts walking over to me as he talks, and he half rolls his eyes, referring to whatever Assembly matters means. 

My heart drops when he says you two, but I quickly remember he must mean Bri. I quickly walk around to the other side of the desk, blocking him before he can continue in his tracks forward. He stops in his tracks, and tosses his papers onto the desk behind me. 

“No worries!” I chirp, a little too high pitched. “They sent us to the library for individual study, except they didn’t tell us where that was. Apologies, I mistook your study for it.” I sound like I’m rambling and I probably grin maniacally up at him, desperate to keep his attention on me and not the other side of his desk.

A line forms between his brows. “No apologies needed, I did say I would mentor you. We should get started-”

He moves to move around to the other side of his desk, and I put a hand on his forearm stopping him. “We should! But we’re missing Bri. I told her to meet me in the library after lunch. Would you show me where that is? And then maybe we'll find her and get started?” I start to move backwards towards the door, trying to lead him with me with my grip lightly on his upper arm.

He narrows his eyes at me, “Isla, what were you doing… sitting at my desk?”

I can feel my cheeks heat even more, as I’m sure they were already flushed. “Just waiting… for you… and Bri.” I stammer and drop my hand. 

He raises an eyebrow, “But you didn’t know this was my study until now.” 

I suck my tongue against my teeth, making a tsking sound. “Right, well…” 

And it’s at that moment a very obvious male sneeze sounds throughout the room. 

I tighten my lips between my teeth, and blush even harder if possible. Brennan’s expression drops, and he rolls his eyes. 

“It was… Cadet Gamlyn, wasn’t it?” he calls, half turning in the direction of his desk. 

I press my hand to the lower half of my face, holding in my scream of embarrassment. Ridoc climbs up and out from under the desk, turning on the charm.

“That it was, Lieutenant Colonel Brother Sorrengail. I’m flattered that you remembered, although I’d hoped you remember a friend of your sisters.” he tilts his head down in acknowledgment, reminding him of his association with Violet that will hopefully score him points. Or at least spare him a terrible punishment. 

Brennan crosses his arms, glaring at Ridoc as he wipes his hands on his pants after rising up off the floor. “ Right . My sister. Who I’m going to have words with about bringing hormonal twenty year olds into my house.”

“ Your house?” I blurt out before my brain has time to filter it out. 

Brennan side eyes me as Ridoc comes to stand on my other side. I hide my mouth with the back of my hand, trying not to laugh. Ridoc, on the other hand, does not try to hide the laugh that escapes his mouth. 

“We’ll leave you to your work.” I say and grab Ridoc’s hand, beginning to lead him out the front door. 

“Please do,” Brennan turns to face us, “And find me a new chair while you’re at it, Cadet Gamlyn. That’s an order!” He calls as we reach the door.

“Yes sir, Lieutenant Colonel, sir!” Ridoc mock waves back with a salute. 

I roll my eyes as I pull him through the doorway. “And Isla!” Brennan calls as I start to shut the door. 

“Yes sir?” I answer, even though he told me not to call him by such formal terms. 

He narrows his eyes again at me and I push Ridoc away as he continues to snicker. “I’ll meet you here tomorrow afternoon. And bring Cadet Glasson with you, not Cadet Gamlyn. ” 

I tighten my lips between my teeth again, “Yes sir.” I say with more formality as I shut the door. 

Ridoc leans on the wall to the side of the door, chest heaving with laughter. I shoot him a glare, “You see , I told you.” I hit his bicep with the back of my hand swiftly. “I hate you.” 

He continues to chuckle, and he pulls me in by the waist. “Come on, you have to admit that was worth it?” A hint of a smile escapes me, and he wraps his arms around me. “And you didn’t hate me five minutes ago.” he smirks and grazes my nose with his. 

I place my hands on his chest, pushing myself away from him slightly. “Go find the man a new chair.”

I take a step back and he drops his arms. “Oh come on! He can’t be serious?” 

I turn on one heel, starting to walk backwards away from him. “That’s an order, he said!” I call, and mock salute back at him as he did to Brennan. 

He groans. But turns away in the other direction. I smile to myself. 

He better find Brennan a new chair, otherwise I’ll never be able to look at him sitting in that chair again without blushing.

Chapter Text

After leaving Brennan’s study, I ask someone to help me find the real library. I gather a few books on native herbs and plants to Tyrrendor and take them back to mine and Bri’s room. At least Ridoc still doesn’t know where the infirmary is, and subsequently my room, so I’m a safe distance from any more trouble. 

But I can’t help but miss him and wonder about when the next time I’ll see him. 

After dinner, we’re needed in the infirmary as a couple fliers are brought in from the front. Nothing serious, but that still takes up my night so I’m unable to find Ridoc.

The next three days we’re thrown into classes. Bri and I join the rider cadets in history class, since we don’t know the accurate representation of history either, which means I get to see Ridoc. But I keep my distance so we’re not tempted into trouble again. I can feel his presence the entire time making my cheeks flush. Everytime I glance over at him he’s already smirking and throws in a wink. 

Our afternoons are spent with lessons with Brennan. Since he didn’t grow up with this knowledge either he knows where our education is lacking. Even as a mender, when this information isn’t really necessary for him, he’s very gifted with remedies for poisons.

Ridoc and I are so busy with our new routines I don’t get to see him again until he comes barging into the infirmary Monday morning. 

“So I see you’ve finally found the infirmary?” I ask him as he comes jogging up to me. He already looks a little flushed. I raise an eyebrow at him, another Lieutenant in black accompanies him, not a Cadet.

“Yeah well-” he exhales, running a hand through his hair, and is cut off by the Lieutenant. 

“Your services are needed, Cadet Blair. Bring an emergency pack and follow me quickly.” she says and I immediately turn my attention to her and leave Ridoc gawking. 

The female Lieutenant leads us to the double doors that lead to where we have history class. I hear heightened voices and shouts on the other side of the door. 

She holds the door open for me, and I immediately find out why. 

Brennan lies on a small couch with his head tilted back, clutching a wrapped up icicle to his face. That would likely be thanks to Ridoc. The rest of his face is covered in blood. 

“What in Dunne’s name happened here!? Brennan!?” I race to Brennan’s side, stepping over near puddles of blood on the way. There are other riders in the room but I don’t immediately pay attention to who they are. 

“Isla, thank the gods.” he groans in a nasally voice.

“And who is this Brennan!? Some wife of yours that I don’t know about!?” a tall female Rider with cropped brown hair says as she leans against a bookcase. 

I press fresh gauze at the bridge of Brennan’s nose, holding pressure there and ignoring the new female rider. 

Someone clears their throat behind me, “No, that would be my girlfriend.” Ridoc says and I bite the inside of my cheek to hide my smile. Brennan rolls his eyes at this because he knows this information all too well.

We hadn’t exactly discussed our relationship status but I did run away with him and we did hook up in Brennan’s study. Although we haven’t had much time together since then. 

I see Violet and Xaden also stand near the door, Violet shooting Ridoc with what looks like a slightly prideful glance. Xaden has his arms crossed, unreadable as always, but he does lift the corner of his mouth ever so slightly and give me a nod. I turn my attention to the third unnamed rider in the room. 

“I’m Healer Cadet Isla Blair, and you must be the reason for this mess, Lieutenant …?” I glare up at her. She’s got the same cheekbones and facial structure as Violet, although she’s taller and overall more muscular. 

She narrows her eyes at me, “Sorrengail.”

Suspicions confirmed. “Hmm, figures. Well Lieutenant Sorrengail, since you made this mess. Maybe you’ll finish it by going to fetch someone to clean it up.” I point with my chin to the door, clearly just wanting her out of here so she doesn’t make anymore messes that I have to clean up. 

Her eyes flare as she stands up straighter, squaring off her stance towards me. “I-“ she starts. 

I raise an eyebrow at her, cutting her off. “Don’t take orders from healers I’m guessing? No, but I’m sure Lieutenant Riorson here would appreciate not having his carpets stained bloody.” 

Violet snickers behind me, and I glance at her to see even Xaden has a slight smirk on his face. 

She raises an eyebrow in return, then looks to Ridoc. “Nice girlfriend you have there, Cadet.”

“I know.” He says proudly, but I don’t turn to see the look on his face and keep my attention on Brennan. I’ll have to reset the cartilage, then he can heal himself if he likes, although it costs him a great effort. 

“Come on, Mira. Let’s let the healer get to work. This won’t be pretty.” Violet motions towards the door, and Mira shoots me one last glare and follows her sister out the door. 

“Good to see you, Isla.” Xaden throws over his shoulder, following him out. I give him a quick polite smile, but Ridoc looks back and forth between us, puzzled. 

Right. He doesn’t know how close I am with Xaden. Or rather, how Xaden feels obligatorily defensive over me and I feel sort of relaxed around him since he’s one person I don’t have to lie to. 

As Ridoc and I get closer I’ve been debating if and when to tell him about the full story between Liam and I.

But that won’t be happening while I’m resetting Brennan’s broken nose.

“So how did you two lovebirds meet?” Brennan asks in a nasally voice. Half sarcastically but half distracting himself from the pain. I exchange out his gauze, deep red blood still flowing. 

“Uhh..” I think back when exactly I first saw Ridoc. It had to be when Liam was in the infirmary… right? So much has happened since then. Also he has just sort of popped up everywhere since then, around every corner.

“Well the first time she healed me, I had gotten frostbite during First Year when someone’s signet manifested in class.” Ridoc crosses his arms walking closer to us.

“What?” I turn my head and my gaze collides with his. I have zero memory of this. 

“But you’re an ice wielder?” Brennan asks, furrowing his brow and wincing as I press harder.

“Not yet I wasn’t.” He comes to kneel down next to me, shooting me a smile.

I’m afraid I’m gawking at him. I feel terrible that I don’t remember this interaction whatsoever. If it had been the beginning of First Year before his signet manifested everything was so new to me. I wasn’t registering the faces I was treating but instead just trying to learn as much as possible.

“I don’t remember that.” I look up at him and he doesn’t look hurt whatsoever.

He brushes an imaginary hair behind my ear, “It’s okay.” He shrugs, “And later, your attention was elsewhere.” He shoots me a wink, “or I guess, on someone else.” 

I chew on my lip, glancing back at Brennan. He raises an eyebrow ever so slightly and looks back and forth between us. 

“But uh, I always found ways to see her. I was afraid I was becoming a masochist because every time I got hurt, I was just glad that meant I got to see her again.” This makes me smile and I can feel a blush coming on. Ridoc has hardly said these things to me and here he is confessing it to Big Brother Sorrengail. 

I feel terrible that I didn’t consider him seriously sooner. 

“And Isla?” Brennan asks me, and I flash my gaze to meet his again. “What’s your side?” He smirks slightly. 

“Oh.. I…” I look back to Ridoc, and he’s still just smiling. Not smirking, or grinning, just genuinely smiling. Something softens in my chest a little. “Ridoc was always there, at the right place, at the right times. Saying all the right things. He became hard to avoid and at some point I stopped wanting to avoid him.” I chuckle to myself. 

“So how long have you two been together then?” He asks.

Now I smirk. “When did you find us in your study again?” 

Before he can answer, I adjust my hold on his nose. The cartilage cracks back into place as I twist it. Brennan lets out a groan, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Ridoc stifles a laugh. “Nice distraction.” Brennan says, placing his hand over mine and holding the gauze for himself. 

“You got it from here?” I ask him with a slight smirk. 

He lets out a sigh, “Yeah. Thank you, Isla. What do you say, we cancel this afternoon’s lesson? I have some catching up to do…” he rolls his eyes towards the door, indicating where his sisters had left. 

“No problem.” I shrug, collecting my supplies together and standing to leave. Someone has yet to clean the floor so we’re careful where we step. 

“Yeah, no problem .” Ridoc repeats and loops his arm around my waist, dragging me out of the study. Brennan doesn’t see it, he has his eyes closed and hands pressed to his face, readying to mend himself. 

As soon as the door shuts to the study, Ridoc spins me by the waist to pin us against the wall. I try to stifle my giggle, glancing around the hall quickly. But there isn’t anyone around, they’re all in classes where they should be.

“So… I’m your girlfriend, huh?” I smirk up at Ridoc into his already smirking brown eyes. His expression drops, and he rubs the back of his neck with one hand, making his bicep flex. 

I suck in my bottom lip.

“Well, only if you want to… We can call it whatever you want.. We don’t have to.. I had to make it clear to Sister Sorrengail you weren’t with-”

I cut off his rambling by standing on my tip toes, bringing my lips to his. How can he be adorable and sexy at the same time I’ve no clue, but he is as he stumbles through this admission.

When I pull back, I smile up at him. “I do, want to. I just didn’t think Ridoc Gamlyn did relationships like that.” 

His eyes are soft, no humor in them this time. “I’d do anything for you.”

I exhale, and it feels like a massive sense of relief, all my worries and anxieties gone along with it. Nolon mended me months ago, but now it feels as if my heart is finally being mended.

I tilt my head up to kiss him again, and he crashes his lips down to mine. His hands grip my waist, and I lean my body into his. My hands are otherwise occupied, and covered in blood, and I can’t put them onto him in the same way.

“Can I wash Brennan’s blood off my hands before we make out some more?” I pull back and take a breath, holding my hands at my sides, careful not to touch him.

He grins down at me, “Okay, but we’re going on a date .” 

“What? No, where? And how? We’ll be missed…” I look back and forth down the hallways again. Surely class is almost over by now and the halls will be bustling. 

“No, we won't be missed… thanks to mine and your abilities and Brennan's little accident.” The mischievous glint in his eye returning. That statement is true for me, although I’m not sure where exactly he’s supposed to be this afternoon. 

“Meet me at the bottom of the main stairwell in 15 minutes.” He kisses the top of my forehead and dashes away before I have time to protest, leaving me gawking.

Chapter Text

Fifteen minutes later, I’ve washed up and told Bri our afternoon lesson was cancelled. She smirked at me on the way out of our room, not needing to ask me what I was going to do with this free time. 

Now Ridoc comes up behind me, and grabs my hand. Leading me up the staircase, he barely gives me time to ask the question, “Where are we going?” I whisper, even though there’s no one around, still in classes. I grip onto his hand, and keep my eyes down on the steps as we rush up them. Any minute now classes will be over and we’ll be caught.

“You’ll see,” he answers back at regular volume, turning back to me slightly. I pick my head up in time to see he’s also carrying a… picnic basket in his other hand. Where in Amari’s name did he find a picnic basket? And why are we headed up and not outside?

We head up, and up, and up. My room, the infirmary, and all my classes are on the first floor. I have no reason to go up stairs ever and didn’t realize how massive this place was. Part fortress, part barracks, part palace.

We end up on the roof of this massive fortress. I can see the valley in the distance, and even the actual town of Aretia down below. 

“Why is your first thought to always take me somewhere high up?” He drags me towards a suitable place to sit, setting the basket between us as I catch my breath. 

He lets out a laugh, “What, you can’t be afraid of heights? You've been flying on top of a dragon for Dunne’s sake.”

“No, but it’s always so damn cold up here, and windy , and my uniform is a skirt .” I tuck my skirt in between my knees to keep it from flying. 

He chuckles, “Here.” And places his jackets over my shoulders. I pretend to be annoyed but really I love the warmth of his jacket if only to be wrapped up in his citrusy-spiced scent of bergamot. 

“Where in Amari’s name did you get a picnic basket?” I ask him as he flips open the basket.

He takes out a wrapped plate with various cheeses, meats and more. And how the hell did he do this in 15 minutes? “I asked the kitchen days ago for it, and was just waiting for the right moment with you.” 

I look at him wide eyed and pop a grape into my mouth. “What?” He asks, holding out a pairing of a sliced cheese and cracker in front of his lips. 

“Nothing,” I raise my eyebrows, “You’re just so… romantic. When did you acquire that trait?” I partially tease, brushing away a crumb from the dimple of his chin with my thumb. 

He brushes my hair back, his fingers lingering on my neck. “When was the first time I saw you again?” No mischievous smile on his lips, just lazy eyes tracking my mouth.

I lean forward and simultaneously bring his chin forward with my grasp. “Why don’t you tell me about it, since I have such a faulty memory.” I brush his lips with mine, kissing him soft yet slow.

A lazy grin grows on his face when I pull away. 

He starts unpacking the contents as he talks. “It was… maybe March of First Year? So I guess 6 or 7 months ago. But someone’s signet manifested during battle brief, I was just treated for frostbite but the guy next to me wasn’t so lucky.”

I watch him as he unpacks the remaining contents, the wind picking up the ends of his hair that are curling as it has grown out.

“And I treated you?” I go back to picking at the plate.

He chuckles to himself, “Yeah. I remember thinking, how ironic that I just almost died by ice, and now I might just die again by this healer with icy blue eyes.” 

My memory unfogs a little bit. He said the guy next to him wasn’t so lucky. I remember earlier this year, a rider cadet freezing to death. I wanted to try and help, but leadership had said even if we get him thawed, it’s been too long. Not even a mender could fix him. 

Maybe there was a flirty rider in the background as well during that crazy day.

“I think I remember a joke about there being other ways to warm you up?” I smirk at him, peering up at him through my lashes.

He reaches back into the basket and hands me a small plastic cup, pouring me something pink and bubbly in it.

“Sounds like me.” He grins sheepishly with one side of his mouth. “Which, you know, still applies in this case.” He shrugs innocently. “You know there’s a reason I always take you places where you’ll be cold.” He winks.

I roll my eyes, but I’m grinning as well. “Oh I know, Cadet Gamlyn. I am still a woman, and your tricks aren’t all original.” I clink his cup with mine. 

His eyes crease at the corners as he smiles at me, taking a sip of his cup. 

“What is this?” I ask him, peering at the bubbles subsiding at the top of the liquid in my glass.

“Sparkling rosé, I think. I snagged it from under Sawyer’s bed.” He takes another deep swig, side eyeing me with another smile.

I take a sip now, it’s crisp and evenly balanced. We’ll have to deduct where Sawyer found this, maybe Tyrrendor’s speciality is rosé. 

A warmth settles deep in my chest. Ridoc Gamlyn has had his eye on me for a while . Much longer than I even noticed him. I don’t ever remember a real moment of noticing him, suddenly I couldn’t turn around without him showing up or calling my name. And I just knew it was him that was there.

I bring one knee up to sit and then to face him, sitting half crossed legged. 

“Ridoc, I’m so sorry I didn’t take you seriously sooner.” I look up at him and his smile doesn’t faulter. 

“It’s no big deal, sweetheart.” He says with a hint of a fake humorous accent. “I know I don’t have the greatest reputation. I don’t blame you. And honestly it took me a while to realize it for myself… how I felt about you.” A lighter change of subject, away from the obvious reason I didn’t notice him sooner.

“Oh? And when was that?” I cast my gaze downward at him as I take another sip of my own cup.

He smirks lazily, and sets his cup down and moves the basket to the other side of himself so there’s no barrier between us now. He reaches down and brings up my other leg, pulling my feet into his lap. His hands run up my calves and I feel my skin prickle, and not from the cold.

“Maybe it was the first time you rolled your icy steel blue eyes at me in that infirmary. Or maybe it was when you looked up at me on top of that bell tower as the snow caught in your deliciously dark hair. Maybe it was when I saw you on that bridge with the medipacks, and took you to the infirmary. And every time I saw you afterwards I realized I hated seeing you so sad all the time. All I wanted to do was make you happy the only way I knew how.”

My heart pangs in my chest. There’s that unspoken elephant in the room again that we don’t talk about. 

There’s a million questions and what ifs going through my head.

What if I had noticed Ridoc first during First Year?

Would I have liked him the same, if he wasn’t saving me from my own grief?

What if Liam never got hurt, would I even had reason to see and run into Ridoc everywhere?

How much did Ridoc hear of the night Liam and I were together? Does he remember it?

Will he think I’m too damaged, or have too much baggage when he finds out?

“Ridoc… you know why I was so sad.”

“I do. On one hand, I hate it, but I get it.” He pulls me into him by the back of my knees, so I’m almost fully sitting in his lap now. He removes one hand from my thigh to brush back my loose hair that’s whipping around wild. 

I turn my head to kiss the inside of his palm. His eyes track my mouth. 

I don’t have quite the courage to tell him yet. This is still so new.

“I don’t deserve you.” I mutter into his hand. 

“You deserve everything I have to give you and more. You’re the most kind, yet most witty person I’ve ever met, Isla. I love your duplicity.” His voice is raspy, like he’s been holding back from saying this for a while. 

“Love?” I smirk and arch an eyebrow at him, teasing. And bringing the tone back to light.

He grins, rolling his eyes and pushing out one side of his cheek with his tongue. “Are you just trying to get me to spill my guts? What about you now, huh?” 

I giggle and he tugs at me, making my cup splash but not spilling over.

“What about me?” My heart clenches in my chest but my tone is light. 

Keep it light. Keep it light. 

He flashes me a grin, and I swear I see sparks fly between us. “When did you decide you couldn’t resist my irresistible charms any longer?”

I suck in my breath, my answer is going to tread dangerous territory again. “I think the bell tower, of course. But specifically when you asked, to ask me what’s wrong, and accepted my non-answer. I then realized how kind you were actually being underneath all the flirtiness.”

He brushes my hair aside again and grazes his thumb across my lips. “We can talk about him, you know?”

My eyes flash to his, “I know. Just not yet.” I tilt my head down to kiss his hand again, “I’m enjoying this too much.” 

I set down my cup and take his face in my hands, kissing him wholeheartedly. He slides both his hands at my waist, gripping me closer to him. 

I pull one of my legs across his lap so that I can sit up and straddle him. Our kiss grows more urgent, my tongue finding his. All I want to do is get more than just a taste of him.

I press my hips down further, grinding against him. He grips my hips closer and lets out a moan.

I consider taking the leap where this could lead. We could do it. We could have sex on top of Riorson House, as crazy as that sounds it’s not too crazy when you factor in Ridoc. This might be our only chance to be alone. Not even the dragons are flying up above, they’re grounded to keep our location discrete.

But I don’t want sneaky sex that’s quick so we don’t get caught or aren’t late for our next obligation. I want all of him.

To make the matter worse he starts to trail kisses down my neck. The one trick that instantly makes me melt. 

“ Ridoc,” I half moan and half protest. He pulls his mouth away and looks up at me from under his dark lashes. 

“What? This could be hot as hell.” He grins up at me like a devil. 

The thought sparks a memory of another book of forgotten lore and mythology. The God of Hell, Hades, although we don’t have a real word for what that represents anymore, just that Malek decides to bring souls home. Hades had a wife, Persephone, the goddess of spring. And she’d spent 6 months in Hell with Hades, and 6 months on Earth at the start of spring. 

That’s how I feel with Ridoc. On the one hand, I’m good. I’m the top of my class. I seem perfect and polished on the outside. But on the other hand, I’m daring and risky with Ridoc. He reveals this whole other side of me that’s willing to take risks and just be a little more free.

I was living in springtime with Liam. And was sent to Hell when it all came crashing down. But Ridoc has a way of making it not too bad, and even fun and preferable.

“I really don’t want our first time to be right before you have to dash off to your next class.” I hate my words but it’s the truth. I want to be able to enjoy him.

He groans, tossing his head back. “You’re right, I know. I just can’t wait to have you,” He pulls me into him with a slight growl eliciting a laugh from my throat.

“But I can wait. We’ll find a way.” He kisses the tip of my nose.

I swing my leg around to climb out of his lap. “I’ll have my own room at some point once things are all sorted out,” I say before taking up my cup again and sipping it.

“I’ll march into Brennan’s study right now and ask him what needs to be done to get that going.” He tosses a cube of cheese into his mouth. I nearly snort my rosé because I have no doubt he actually would do that.

“Please don’t. Brennan knows too much about our sex life already.” He lets out a hearty laugh, and leans over and kisses me hard but brief.

“Then I’ll work something out.” He says as he pulls back.

I raise an eyebrow at him, but I’m smiling. “I have no doubt you will.”

We finish our picnic, and good thing I don’t have class after this because I’m well and tipsy after cup number 2 of rosé. I think he might have to carry me back down when I’m laughing at something I don’t remember with my feet in his lap. The sun starts to set in various shades of pink and deep orange. 

“What are you even laughing at? How’d we end up like this?” He asks as we’re both lying down, gazes up towards the sky with both our heads slightly tilted back looking upside down off the turret. 

“I don’t know, but Sawyer’s cheap ass rosé is at fault, that’s how.” We both laugh hysterically on our way back down through Riorson House. He walks me to my room. I hand him back his jacket, the combination of the alcohol, all the laughing, and the way he makes me feel warm enough.

“I’ll see you later.” He says, kissing me softly in front of mine and Bri’s room.

I give him a slight push, “Don’t you have a class to get to?”

He catches my hand, “Baby, that ship is long gone . Hopefully no one will put two and two together that Brennan is walking around fully healed but we’re still missing.”

“I’ll see you later.” I kiss him again, savoring the taste. 

“Hopefully when we’ve formed a plan .” He gives me a wink, and I know just exactly what plan he’s referring to. 

“Yeah, yeah. Go before someone finds you here and we’re busted.” I push him again lightly, and he dramatically stumbles back.

He chuckles, and retreats backward, throwing me another wink. He’s the kind of reckless that should send me running.

But I already know that I won’t get far.

Chapter Text

We’re in history class and like our usual routine, Bri and I sat on the other side of the room so Ridoc would not get any ideas of distracting me. But it's almost worse today. He’s in my peripheral the entire time during class and I can feel his cheeky gaze. Everytime I look at him I feel myself blush hard and Sawyer catches me looking their way. 

I avert his gaze quickly, but not before I see his mouth quirk, and his face flushes red against his freckles as well. He must know what we got up to the other day and know we stole his wine. I’ll replace it when we get to go into the village this weekend. 

I’m lost in my thoughts when Professor Devera, who’s teaching history today, calls on me. “Cadet Blair,” My eyes flash to hers, and her eyes darken with a slight smirk. “Cadet Glasson,” she calls next, and my chest relaxes a little. I’m not being singled out for my inattention, this has to do with both of us healer cadets. 

“You’re saved from the pop quiz we were going to have tomorrow to test how well you’ve paid attention .” She glowers her eyes on me, I bite the inside of my lip. “There will be no classes the rest of this week. As the riders are already aware, they are to pack for a short mission that they are to leave for tomorrow morning.” She shifts her gaze to the rest of the classroom, “Riders, you are dismissed. Report for formation at 0600.”

Brielle stands out of her seat next to me, but I’m temporarily stunned. 

The riders are leaving. Brennan already left days ago on a secret mission. The healers barely know what to do with us and so we already spend most of our time in the library. What in Dunne’s name are we supposed to do with ourselves for the rest of the week?

“ Isla , your boyfriend is headed over here. Best not to give Devera any more ammunition.” she hisses at me from behind. 

I stand and turn towards where Ridoc had been sitting. He’s side stepping his way over to us through the crowd of second years. Sawyer claps him on the shoulder and peels off the other way.

My heart starts to pound in my chest. 

Where are they going?

What mission?

The last time the man I was with got sent on a mission he didn’t come back. 

“I’ll see you later.” I tell Bri quickly, and stand, turning my back on both her and Ridoc coming this way. I head out of the class out the side door that leads to another study or library. I shut the door behind me but Ridoc quietly follows through moments later. 

“Hey,” he smirks and makes his way over to me where I’m anxiously pacing. “You know out of the two of us I thought it’d be me to get singled out by Devera first.” He teases, but I barely register his words as my mind races. 

I whirl on him, “Where are you going?” I ask urgently. My voice trembles. I press my lips together and try to focus on breathing in and out through my nose slowly. 

“Hey,” he says in a more reassuring than greeting sort of way this time. He places his hands on either side of my face and slides his hands into my hair. I forget all sense and have the sudden urge to take his thumb into my mouth where it traces circles on my face. “It’s fine. Probably just an exercise, like land nav or something. I’ll be back by this weekend, and we’ll go to the village together.” He kisses the top of my forehead at my hairline. My nervous system immediately relaxes when his scent of bergamot hits me.

“Right. And we’ll buy Sawyer a new wine to replace the one we took.” I try to smile up at him. 

His mouth slides into a grin, “Speaking of which,” his hands slide down to my waist, sending sparks through me. My breath catches again just as I had regained control of my breathing. 

“Sawyer has agreed to let us have the room tonight.” He grips my waist, bringing us closer together. 

I place my hands on his chest, pushing away slightly. “What do you mean, give us the room ? Where is he going to sleep?” 

I’m certainly not making enemies or fueling gossip when we could just wait until I have a room of my own. 

If he comes back from this mission.

He pulls me back towards him, “Rhi has an extra bed in her room, and she’s agreed to accommodate Sawyer for the night.” Now I suppose Rhiannon Matthias knows what we’ll be up to tonight as well. Did he just post an announcement for all of the cadets to see? “Or, they’ll be sharing her bed, I’m not too sure with their history…” He trails off looking away from me. 

I dip my head to meet his eyes, “Ridoc. Devera already has her eye on us. And this place is filled with Brennan’s little spies. We could be caught…” I trail off as I’m distracted by his hands, smoothing circles on my back. His eyes crease at the corners, he knows he’s got me. 

“We’ll be fine. Vi spends every night in Riorson’s room, which is why Rhiannon has her own room in the first place, and no one has said a word. We’re adults. As long as I make it to formation at 6 am no one will say a word.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, “ You’re an adult?” I tease.

He rolls his eyes dramatically while swaying us, “ Technically. But don’t tell anyone else otherwise.”

I stifle a laugh, “I don’t think anyone needs any persuading as to what you are, Ridoc Gamlyn.”

His eyes darken, he lowers down to my neck and growls while nuzzling it to indicate that he’s an animal, likely. I laugh and try to pull away when it tickles. 

He pulls away just to kiss me on the cheek. “I’ll pick you up at 8, tonight, at your room.” He lets go of my waist and leads me by my hand out of the study. 

“So gentlemanly, Cadet Gamlyn. I thought you were an animal two seconds ago?” I shoulder bump him as we walk. 

He spins me around just as we approach the door, pinning my back to it. My breath catches, and he tilts my chin up with forefinger to meet his warm brown eyes. I could curl up in them right about now. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be, babe.”

I don’t let him see how I want to just melt for him. “I want you to be discreet when we walk out this door. I don’t need any more rider cadets whispering about us. Rhiannon and Sawyer know enough.” 

He brushes my cheek with the back of his finger, “I’m not the one flushed pink right now, Cadet Blair.” 

My heart falls a little at the change from babe to Cadet Blair. But that’s exactly what I’m asking from him, professionalism. I have to see almost everyone of these riders up close and personal when they’re injured or sick. I don’t need them knowing my personal business. 

He places his other hand on my cheek, and it’s cold . He’s conjuring ice out of the moisture in the air, or on my face from my slight perspiration no doubt.

That doesn’t stop my internal thoughts and attraction towards him though. My eyes flicker to his lips and back to his gaze. He seems to smirk with only his eyes. 

“There.” he says, pulling his hand away. “You don’t look flustered whatsoever. Let’s go, I have work to do before tonight.” 

I stand up straight off the door and step around him when he opens it, “ Work to do?”

He starts walking quickly, and I have to make an effort to keep up with his pace. I see the corner of his mouth quirk up at my question, “Packing,” he says as we weave through a few cadets headed towards the stairs.

I can’t help but feel a little off in times like this. At least at Basgiath there were other cadets from other quadrants to balance out the numbers. But here, I’m a singular pale blue speck in a sea of black.

“And more.” He throws over his shoulder as we approach the stairs.

“More?” I question before he takes a step up. I don’t follow him. 

He turns around and winks at me, “You’ll see. I’ll pick you up at 8 at your door.”

“But-” he squeezes my hand, and brings it up to his lips. He plants a light kiss, before dropping it and heading up the stairs. Wouldn’t want anyone knowing Ridoc Gamlyn is actually a romantic. 

“Eight!” He calls back with a wave, and he’s gone before I can tell him I hate surprises. Nowadays, they cause me nothing but anxiety. 

At 7 'o' clock, most cadets have gone to bed early in preparation for their early formation tomorrow morning. Ridoc should really be doing the same, but he’s Ridoc. There’s no stopping him.

I spent the rest of the afternoon showering, shaving, and lathering on creams that would somehow help. I was so, gods damn , nervous. A few days ago I was ready to jump his bones on the roof without all this silly preparation. But now, it wasn’t just the thought of sleeping with him making me nervous. 

No, this night was starting to feel all too familiar. 

Tomorrow he’d be leaving, and this time, I knew it before I jumped into bed with him.

I whined to Bri as I got dressed, trying to convince myself and her that we shouldn’t be doing this before he leaves on some unknown mission. 

“Isla, seriously. You’ve been waiting for this opportunity for weeks. I can’t stand to be around you guys anymore, undressing each other with your eyes. You need to do it already so you stop wondering what each other looks like,” I look at her wide eyed through the mirror where I’m applying some lavender oil behind my ears to calm myself. She wiggles her eyebrows, “What each other feels like .”

“ Okay Brielle, that’s enough.” She cackles, falling back onto her bed. 

“Maybe I’ll invite someone over who’s looking to have some fun before they’re whisked away on some dangerous mission. I wonder if they’ve let out Cadet Aetos…” she twirls her bright amber orange hair in her finger, looking wistfully up at the ceiling. 

“Brielle!” I chastise her. Not because I care about her bringing someone into our room, even Dain Aetos given the history between us. But because I don’t need to be reminded about this potentially dangerous mystery mission. 

She raises her eyebrows, “What!? I can’t have my fun? You said it was over between you two and I haven’t tried a rider yet, while you’ve had two nearly thre -”

“ Brielle.” I whirl around on her now, my semi-wet dark curls whipping around to follow. I look at her wide eyed, and her face falls.

“Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up…” her face twists as she trails off. 

I take a deep inhale through my nose, and let out a sigh. “I’m going to dry my hair. If Ridoc comes, tell him I’ll just be a few more minutes.”

I clutch my towel around me and grab my clothes off my bed. “Sorry!” she calls and I give her a tight, flat smile, as I close the door to the bathing chamber. 

I get dressed, including a pale blue set of lingerie that Bri had brought for me just in case. I slip on another pale blue sleeveless A-line dress over it. My fingers stumble to button up the tight bodice. I let my curls fall naturally when they’re dry and twist the front pieces of my hair out of my face, pinning it in place. 

There. Sexy with my low cut bodice that is really supposed to be worn with a shirt underneath. But not too sexy where if anyone spotted us they’d wonder why I’m so dressed up. Most people just see the healer blue and dismiss me. 

I hear a soft knock on the door to our room. I burst out of the bathing chamber to find Bri leaning against the door, holding it open and smirking at Ridoc. He’s holding a small bouquet of white and blue flowers. 

His face lights up when he sees me, and so does mine. “Are those for me?” I ask, walking towards them.

He tilts his head, “Actually, they’re for Brielle.” He looks towards her now, and she raises her eyebrows. He holds the flowers out to her, “Thank you, for letting me steal Isla for the night.”

She takes the flowers, but throws him a smirk. “Uh huh. In other words, a bribe to cover for you two?”

He grins with one side of his mouth, “If you want to see it like that.” he throws her a wink. 

She scoffs, but her cheeks flush. Ridoc weaves an arm around my waist and pulls me through the doorway with him. “Goodnight Bri,” I tell her, without really looking at her. Ridoc absorbs all my attention already. He’s smiling down at me, and I want to kiss that dimple on his chin. 

“Goodnight you two, don’t-” Bri calls, but stops short. My gaze collides with hers, her and I both feel what she was about to say.

Don’t get pregnant.

Again.

I’ve been making sure for several months now that there’s no chance of that happening again. 

“Have fun.” she recovers, and calls instead as we walk down the hall. 

Ridoc brings his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. “You look gorgeous.”

I slide my hand that’s at his back, up inside of his jacket, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

He looks down at me and pushes his tongue into the inside of his cheek. “Save it, Blair. I have a surprise for you first.” He tugs me along as we head up the stairs to the riders dorms. My chest instantly clenches. 

“Ridoc. You know, I should tell you that I hate surprises.” Maybe at one point I would have enjoyed them. But the past almost year has been full of enough surprises. All I want now is some peace. 

“What? How can you hate surprises when they almost always mean something good?” he whispers as we pass by the other cadets’ rooms. I wonder which one is Rhiannon’s, where Sawyer has been banished for the night. And I wonder where in Amari’s name could Riorson’s room be, where Violet sleeps instead. No doubt he has an entire wing to himself, this is his house after all. 

“They don’t always mean something good.” I mutter underneath my breath.

He doesn’t hear me. We come to a stop in front of what I assume must be his door. “Ready? Close your eyes.” He turns to me and his face is a wide grin as he practically dances in front of the door. 

I glare up at him. He pushes forward my hands that he has in his, indicating to cover my eyes. It’s not exactly the same motion Liam once did before he gave me the rabbit carving. But I still get a sense of déjà vu. 

“Trust me,” he says, only making the sensation worse. 

I sigh, closing my eyes. I hear him open the door, leading me through it with one hand slowly. He lets go of my hand and it falls at my side. I hear him close the door behind me. I feel his hands cover my eyes, and his breath on my ear.

“Ready?” he asks, sending a tickle down my neck.

“Please. The anticipation is killing me.” I grumble, shifting my weight.

He laughs, “So impatient.” I groan, only making him laugh again. “Okay, okay… one… two… three!” He pulls his hands away, and I blink a few times, adjusting my vision. 

Only, it’s not so bright in here that it doesn’t take my eyes too long to adjust. The room is dimly lit with at least fifty candles on every surface. Some candles even float above like mage lights.The hearth roars with a fire at the center of the room. I wonder if being a part of Violet Sorrengail’s squad earned Ridoc and Sawyer certain perks, including a fireplace in their room. 

It’s beautiful, like dozens of fireflies lighting up the room just for us. I tell him so, and he turns to step in front of my vision. 

“Do you like it?” another pang of déjà vu waves through me. 

I avoid his question by looking around some more. Pillows surround the floor in front of the hearth where a small, low, table sits in the middle of them. I raise my eyebrow, “Another picnic? Ridoc Gamlyn, I’m growing suspicious you have another lover in the kitchens that’s granting you all these favors.”

He scoffs, and takes my hand in his, leading me down to the floor on the pillows. “Never.” he pulls me down onto the floor to sit next to him, facing the hearth. When I get seated, I plant a kiss on his cheek. He looks at me questionably. 

“I do like it.” I answer his question from before.  

He gleams, “Good, now you ready for one more surprise?” he hovers a hand over a silver cake cover on a platter.

“Ridoc, no more surprises.” I half whine, half tell him in a warning tone. 

He chuckles, “You’re so tense. What did I tell you, most surprises are good.” He says and lifts the cover of the cake platter. 

I’m about to roll my eyes when I see what lays underneath. It’s a small cheesecake with swirls of something red throughout. It could either be raspberry, or strawberry, and I really hoped it was strawberry. 

“Strawberry.” He answers, as if reading the question in my thoughts. “I took a leap of faith, you seemed to like the rosé the other night, and I thought that was close. I hope you’re not allergic…?” he trails off and he’s looking at me. I might even say he seems a bit nervous.

I smile at him reassuringly, “Strawberry cheesecake is my favorite. ” I tell him before I plant my lips on his with a soft kiss. His mouth grows into a sly smile when I pull away.

“Let’s hurry up and eat this so I can eat you next.” He smirks, and I let out a cackle in disbelief that he really just said that. 

But he wasn’t kidding. About an hour later I’m sprawled out in front of the hearth, naked, except for the lingerie that Ridoc was very pleasantly surprised by when he took off my dress. 

“More good surprises tonight,” he had growled, nipping at the lingerie with his teeth when he did.

He does the same again as he makes his way up my body from my center, where he had just brought me my first orgasm of the night. 

“You know I only wore this set so you could take it off. Are you ever going to?” I shift my hips underneath him, eager for more.

He licks and kisses his way up my body and his hands follow, sliding their way up. As he reaches my neck, ravishing it hungrily. He catches my peaked nipple between his fingers underneath the lace. I buck my hips, and slide my hands to fumble with his belt. I’m hungry as well. 

He lets out a heavy chuckle, his breath is hot on my neck. “Not yet my darling, I have you for the whole night and I intend to enjoy every inch of you.”

Baby. Babe. Darling. I wonder which term of endearment will stick with him. I’m not really one for nicknames, but I’m not really one for a lot of things until it comes to Ridoc Gamlyn.

I don’t know how he can be so patient when I’m dying for any piece of him to be inside of me. I’m basically completely naked underneath him and yet he’s still completely clothed. I slide one hand over the hard length of him over his pants, it doesn’t phase him at all. I don’t know how he has so much self control.  

So I suppose our personalities flip in the bedroom. It’s not entirely a bad thing I suppose. If I had it my way it’d be over way too soon, and like he said, we have the whole night. But I still need to have a taste of him to satisfy me in this moment. 

I undo his belt as his hands and mouth continue to wander my body, leaving me on fire everywhere they touch. He brings his mouth to mine as I get his pants undone and slide a hand inside to finally grip the length of him. 

His mouth slides into a wide cheeky grin, “So impatient .”

I half laugh, “Come on, you’ve had multiple tastes of me so far. I haven’t had a single taste of you. Let me have just that at least.”

He smirks, and his thumb traces my lips as he cups my face. “Fine, but only if I get to keep on tasting you? ”

There’s a glint in his eye, his thumb lingers on my bottom lip. I nod, understanding his meaning. 

He pulls away to sit up fully on his knees and pulls his shirt up and over his head in one swift motion. The sight of him makes my breath catch. The movement was so easy and graceful, but he’s even more gorgeous. He’s all thickened muscle, carved out by too many lines to count. I sit up, sliding my palm up his torso, tracing those lines. 

A few weeks ago if you would have told me I would be obsessed with Ridoc Gamlyn I would have laughed in your face. I would have told you it might be the other way around. I would have said, ‘Sure, maybe he’s obsessed with me, stalking me even. I can’t turn a corner without finding him there.’ But now it’s me who can’t turn a corner without hoping I’d find him there.

I fear I’m falling harder and harder for this man the more I see. And I finally get to see more when he shimmies down his pants off his hips. I lick my lips, taking the length of him in my hand before Ridoc stops me by lifting my chin. He raises an eyebrow as I look up at him. Again, he amazes me with how gods damn patient he can be. 

Ridoc lays down and pushes off the rest of his pants, then slides his head between my thighs where I kneel. He doesn’t give me time to be slightly shy again about this as he pulls me by my hips down towards his face. His mouth is on me again, and I lean forward to take him into my mouth now too. 

It’s amazing. Feeling the pleasure coil within me as he licks and sucks my clit only makes me more eager to work him with my tongue. I moan with him in my mouth, and I know he can feel the vibrations of it. He bucks his hips, and lets out moans of his own. It’s working. His patience is wearing thin. I pump him with my fist as well while focusing my tongue on his head. 

He groans, and slides out from under me so that he’s behind me now. I feel his kisses on my neck, “Are you trying to hurry this along already?” He aligns his hips with mine, and I press back into him.

I laugh, “ No , I’m just hungry for you the same way you are for me.” 

One of his hands finds my nipple, and the other reaches down to twirl my center. I arch back into him but he won’t give me what I crave. I’m blown away by more than just his self control. 

“ Especially, when you do things like that.” His hand slips under the fabric of my bralette. I lay the back of my head on his shoulder, and he ravishes my neck. He’s teasing me in both the best and worst ways possible. 

“Ridoc,” I half whine, and warn him. 

He kisses his way up to my ear, “You can come for me one more time baby.” He dips one finger into me while his thumb still works my center. The tease sends me over the edge and I reach around, gripping my fingers in his hair. 

I catch my breath and turn around towards him. “Baby. Babe. Darling, what will you decide on calling me?” I verbalize my question I had previously thought. 

He trails his fingers up my body, kissing everywhere they follow. “I haven’t decided yet, do I have to choose just one?”

“I’m not complaining. Although, I do prefer when you talk with your hands like that.” I use my own hands to trace the tattoo on the back of his neck. 

I hate to compare him to other riders, specifically other riders I’ve slept with. But I’ve only seen those riders have relics given to them by dragons, not an intentionally placed tattoo like Ridoc’s. This tattoo is specifically of Aotrom on his upper back, branching up to his neck, which wraps to his relic being a silhouette of a brown dragon. Don’t ask me why I find it sexier than any of the relics I’ve seen before on a handsome rider.

“I think it’s time for these to come off.” He removes his hands from their work just to unfasten the back of my bralette and pull down my underwear.

I let out a sigh, “Is it time for you to finally…” I trail off as I take him in my hands, and lay down, guiding him to where he needs to be. 

I tease his head against the wetness of my entrance just for good measure. 

He moans, placing his hands on either side of my head. When he meets my eyes, they’re blazing. “I don’t think you’re giving me much of a choice.” 

My mouth quirks into a slight smirk, “You have a choice, I mean, we do have all night…” I start to sit up, pulling away, but he stops me with a hand on my hip. 

“That doesn’t mean stop,” He growls. 

I chuckle while resuming to tease him against me. “Now who’s the impatient one?” 

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you,” he sighs as he finally pushes into me. 

I intake a sharp gasp, and wrap one leg around him, instinctually keeping him there after he made me wait for so long. He continues to move slowly, pushing and stretching me internally. It feels divine.

My mind reels. I’d be lying if I said I’d been waiting longer than him, over all, for this to happen. “Tell me,” my gaze collides with his as the words come out when he’s seated fully to the top. His brow furrows, “Tell me how long you’ve wanted this,” I say breathlessly. 

I cup his jawline with my hand and search his face with my eyes for some sort of tell. I know he liked me before I liked him. But I need to know if it was before, before. 

“Too long.” He kisses me, messily. His tongue explores my mouth as he thrusts deeper and harder. Like now that he has me, he can’t get enough. 

I can’t get enough of him either. I wrap my other leg around his waist to keep him from straying too far. I need him. I feel like I need him more than I’ve needed anyone. More than I’ve needed anything. I need him like my lungs need air.  

My breath comes out in shallow sighs that turn into moans that turn into his name, over and over. He hits me at the perfect angle internally, and I’m close.

I tell him so and he groans “Isla,” he moves faster and I cry out as my orgasm hits like a tidal wave, built upon by the previous ones. He finds his release as well, and collapses beside me. 

It feels so, so good to lose control like this. To lose control with him . 

“So beautiful when you come,” he trails kisses across my jawline as I catch my breath. “My lovely Isla.” he brushes the softest kiss on my lips, then traces it with his fingers.

“Yours?” I raise an eyebrow.

He smirks and smooths my hair down across the pillow that must be wild. “Mine.” His eyes darken.

I lick my lips, “ Lovely? As in love?” I tease further.

He rolls his eyes slightly, “Don’t push it.”

I giggle almost maniacally. Usually Ridoc is the testy, annoying one, making people roll their eyes. How many can say they actually test Ridoc Gamlyn?

But behind our laughs we both know it’s true. We both know what this is, or what it will become.

I’m falling in love with him.

Chapter Text

I wake up early the next morning, or in the middle of the night, it’s still dark so I can’t be sure. I reach for Ridoc, but the bed is empty beside me. When I look up I see him sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on his boots. I reach out and brush my fingers down his back as he ties the laces.

He turns and catches my hand, intertwining our fingers together. “Hey, go back to sleep. You can sleep in here and no one will see you leaving in the morning because we’ll all be gone.” He leans down to brush a kiss against my forehead. I feel instantly sleepy again with him so close and want to pull him down next to me. 

“What time is it?” I ask him and my voice comes out raspy.

It’s dark in the room but I can see his white smile shining through the darkness. “Just before five. I need to start making my way up to the flight field for formation.” He says the words as if he’s reminding himself as he takes me in, eyes traveling down my still naked body underneath the sheet.

I reach down and lift the bottom of his shirt, tracing my fingers at his waistband. “Are you sure you have to leave already? I think you have a few minutes to spare,” I pull him down by his shirt, and brush his lips with mine.

His eyes narrow, “I think I’ve been a bad influence on you.” He smirks. 

I return his wandering gaze, “You could call it bad , but I think it’s so good.” My fingertips dip lower into his waistband.

“Isla…” he says in a warning tone but not without incorporating a wanting groan.

I smirk now, “What? We’ve proven we can be quick. You can even keep your boots on,” I kiss him then, and find he’s grown hard underneath his pants with my other hand. 

He lets out a low growl, “Fine, get over here.” I let out a shriek of laughter as he grabs me by the hips, bringing me to meet his at the edge of the bed. 

He leaves his boots on, and we’re quick but efficient. And even though it’s fast, this is my favorite kind of sex. When you’re just so desperate for that other person that you just have to have them in these spare moments. When it feels like just you two exist, sneaking around in this big world. 

When I finally do let him go and say goodbye, I’m not sad or anxious. I watch him pull his shirt back on and button up his pants quickly, admiring his every curve and line. 

“I should head out too, and at least go clean up.” I say as I sit up onto my knees. My eyes go slightly wide and his mouth quirks, I think he knows what I mean. 

He adjusts the pack over his shoulder, and turns to his armoire, quickly pulling out an unsurprisingly black t-shirt. “Here, put this on. If anyone sees you, hopefully they just see black and assume you’re a rider running late.” 

I take the shirt from his outstretched hand, and find the moment feeling all too familiar again.

“Thanks.” Is all I can say, as I run my thumb against the softness of the fabric.

He raises an eyebrow, “You okay?” 

My eyes flash to his, “Yeah. Yes, of course.” I try to give him a convincing smile, but I feel it faltering. I quickly slip on his shirt to hide my face for a moment. I stand up off the bed and take his face into my hands, giving him a soft kiss. His expression seems to soften. “Just be safe, okay? I don’t want you to be on my list to stitch up when you return.” I say, choosing my phrasing specifically to include when he returns, not if. 

Because he’s coming back. I won’t even consider another possibility. This isn’t happening again. 

“Are you worried about me, Isla Blair?” His calloused hand brushes across my cheek as he smirks down at me. 

Good thing it’s still dark enough in here to hide my blush. He’s teasing, he knows I care . “Alright, alright. Hurry up already,” I give him a playful push and he gleams down at me while dramatically stumbling backwards. As if I could push him that hard. “Now you’re definitely going to be late and we don’t need leadership suspecting why. Brennan and Devera already have their eyes on us.”

He chuckles and bends down to give me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.” He adjusts the pack on his shoulder and turns to open the door. 

“You better.” I call quietly after him as I stand leaning against the door. He turns around, walking backwards down the hall, and throws me a wink. 

I suck in my bottom lip. Holding in the words that I really want to say. 

The days go by agonizingly slow. Bri and I read every book we can and the healers let us do as much as possible in the infirmary when riders and fliers do come in. But I still find myself itching to stay busy to distract myself. The waiting brings up old anxieties that I care not to think about. 

Bri and I take the extra time to clear out and move her into the room adjoining mine so we each have our privacy. Which both of us will very much appreciate when Ridoc returns. 

When he returns. I tell myself. 

But I know there’s no way I can know for sure.

By the third day, my stomach starts to fill with doubt. Even though they were told it was expected to be a three day mission and they aren’t behind on schedule yet, I’m even more anxious. I need to keep my hands busy.

I’m making bandages in the infirmary when I look up out the window and see a riot of dragons heading our way. I spot the brown swordtail that must be Aotrom. My heart jolts. 

They’re back.

And given the sight of Aotrom, I’m 95% sure he’s alive. Right?

I drop the bandages on the countertop and make a dash for the door. Widening my steps just enough so that I’m not exactly running but moving quickly all the same. I should probably be bringing those bandages with me given there will likely be injuries, but I don’t want to waste time going back. I need to know he’s okay first. 

The closer I get to the front entrance, the closer I get to actually running. A couple of confused and wide-eyed glances get thrown my way. I don’t pay them any attention as I make my way out the doors. 

Aotrom lands in the courtyard instead of the valley above, and there he is. My heart starts beating again. 

He slides down Aotrom’s foreleg and immediately comes running over to me. 

I can’t help but break into the biggest smile and he does the same. I run towards him, meeting him one fourth of the way of the distance between us. 

We slam into an embrace. “ Gods I missed you Isla!”

I’m afraid if I speak I might cry. So I just pull back enough so I can kiss him. 

“I missed you too. I’m so glad you’re back!” I half-deliriously laugh. He grips my waist bring his forehead down to mine. 

“Me too. It was a close one there.” he says, a smile gone from his face. 

My heart drops.

“What do you mean?” I grab his face in between my hands and start searching for signs of trauma from the top down. 

Stupid. I should have done this in the first place.

He places his hands on my wrist, brushing the back of my hands with his thumbs.“Brennan healed me, but I took two arrows to the chest.” He must see the terrified expression on my face because he adds, “But I’m fine now! Promise!”

A few others have been descending off their dragons where Ridoc had previously landed. They’ve made their way over to us and there’s more than a few coy smiles. 

Brennan reaches us and he claps Ridoc on the shoulder, “You don’t have to worry about this one, Isla. I fixed him up for you, physically that is, can’t do anything about what’s up here.” he teases, tapping Ridoc’s head. 

Ridoc gives him a little shove, “Yeah yeah, Colonel Know-it-all.”

Brennan smirks and surprisingly lets this remark from Ridoc slide. He gives me a look as he leaves. I can’t find it in me to return the smile but I owe it to him right now. Without that Colonel, Ridoc would be dead.

 A knot forms in my stomach at the thought and another certain Sorrengail walking our way. 

Violet gives me a shy smile, I try to return it as genuinely as I can. “Violet, glad to see you made it back in one piece as well. Though, I’m not surprised.” I say, trying not to make it sound more lighthearted and less bitter. 

“Isla, I’m glad to see you and Ridoc-” her smile falters just so, “happy.” She settles on. 

I smile back at her and she leaves us as Ridoc hooks an arm around my waist. I turn towards him in an embrace.

“I’m going to go wash the smell of dragon’s breath off of me, I’ll come find you later?” Ridoc says while taking my face in between his hands. 

I grip onto his forearms, “Okay.” I nod slightly.

He grins like I’d just told him he’d defeated all the venin. 

He kisses me in a way that’ll make me miss him even more so now when he’s gone. “I’ll see you tonight.” He says and picks up his pack off the ground. 

I watch him walk away and clap Brennan on the shoulder as he trots by him. Brennan looks over his shoulder, and catches my eye. He gives me a little nod and wave, and then heads into Riorson House as well.

I find myself running after him. “Brennan!” I call and he glances back at me but continues forward. 

“Let’s walk and talk, Isla. I have a lot to catch up on… Like where are we going to get a fresh herd of sheep now that all the dragons are back.” He talks more to himself as I half jog to keep up with him. 

“Tell me what happened, Brennan. Was it really that close?” I ask him hurriedly, like I need to know before I myself might die from the anxiety.

He flexes his jaw, side eyeing me. We reach his study and he holds the door open for me. 

“There’s no point in torturing yourself with the details, Isla. He’s back. I brought him back. You’re welcome.” He takes off his gloves and his goggles that hang from around his neck as he talks. He sits behind his desk, I pace anxiously in front of it.

“There is a point, Brennan. I need to know what I’m getting myself into, I can’t do this again-” Now I talk more to myself, wringing my hands between my apron. I stop myself from saying more and inhaling deeply to catch my breath.

He drops a stack of papers on his desk, making me stop pacing and face him. “What do you mean again? I mean, I imagine Cadet Gamlyn has a knack for getting himself into trouble but you two only started dating…?” He raises an eyebrow at me. 

I can’t help it. The feelings, the words, all of the memories that have been replaying in my mind the past three days come bubbling to the surface. Tears prick my eyes. “I… not him. I… there was someone... He-” I stammer but the tears in my throat don’t allow me to continue.

Brennan stands abruptly out of his desk and walks over to me, taking my shoulders in between his hands. He makes reassuring circles on my upper arms.  

He’s the highest ranking military officer here. He has much better things to do than to coddle me when I’m having boy issues. But he leads me over to the small sofa in his study to sit anyways. He pours us both a glass of water from a tray on the coffee table.

He’s also a mender and my mentor. It’s in his nature to fix things. And I’ve been in need of fixing for several months now. 

“Okay, tell me if I’m wrong. But this is about more than just Ridoc?” He asks me as I take a gulp of water. The tears are cleared from my throat so I can speak, but they still burn my eyes.

“You’re right,” I get out in a croak. “His name was Liam.” I take another sip in preparation for the next waves of tears.

“Liam Mairi?” Brennan asks, and my eyes flash to his amber-colored ones. 

It’s a lucky guess. But something tells me it’s not. 

“You knew him?” I ask him, my eyes searching his face wildly for a tell.

His face falls, “Yes. I did. Wonderful ma-” He stops himself short, maybe reconsidering that reminiscing about him might upset me more. “He came here often with Xaden, before he joined the quadrant himself.”

I look away from him, looking over his study. Liam was here. Liam walked these halls, who knows how many times. I should have known. I should have assumed, given whose house we’re in.

I must be thinking too long because he puts his hand on mine softly, the one with the rune scarred on it. “Were you two together before…?” He trails off, not needing to finish that sentence.

I adjust my seat on the sofa, bringing my leg up under myself. I don’t know why I feel comfortable around him, like he’s my brother and not just Violet’s. Maybe because I’ve always been the eldest daughter, the one with the most responsibilities, and the second I stepped foot in Aretia he took care of everything for me. As a fellow eldest child, it came natural to him to care for everyone else. 

“We were. It was brief, but-” I wipe a tear off my cheek and meet his gaze again. “Beautiful.” I finish.

His shoulders soften, “I’m sorry. If I had been there-”

“You couldn’t have done anything. I know, it’s okay.” I take his hand that’s on top of mine and squeeze it slightly.

Liam was physically fine. Perfect, as always. Nothing to mend. A rider cannot live without their dragon. 

There are lots of would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’s when it comes to Liam Mairi. But we’ll never know. There’s no point in dwelling on them, it’ll only make things worse. But that doesn’t stop my mind from wandering as I sit here in this study, wondering if Liam had sat in this exact spot before. 

“Isla, have you been mended recently?” Brennan asks, our hands still gripping each other. 

I pull my hand away as I break out of my spell again and meet his eyes. “What?” I ask him, even though I heard him perfectly well.

He adjusts himself so he’s seated, facing me more so now. “I can feel it. When I mend someone, I can feel the magic like its threads woven together. The greater the mending the greater the threads, and the longer they last. I feel your threads, and they aren’t ones I created.” 

My face pales. I try to think of excuses, of other reasons I would need mending. But nothing comes to mind in my panic. I try to think of the reasons why it would be a bad idea to tell him the truth next, and nothing comes to mind either. 

He tilts his head slightly in question, but changes his mind. “It’s fine. It’s none of my business, I was just-” He moves to stand up.

“No!” I stop him, taking his rune scarred hand once again. “It’s okay. I should tell you. I mean, I should tell more people.”

He settles back down, raising an eyebrow. “Tell me what?”

I inhale a steadying breath, but I can still feel my palms sweating. I don’t know if telling him will have any greater implications, but I’m so tired I really don’t care.

“When Liam died, I didn’t just lose him.” I exhale the breath I had been holding, here it goes. “I lost a part of myself too.” I bring my hands into my lap, and stop them from reaching for my stomach reflexively. It’s silly, I was never pregnant enough to even have a belly. But the motion is ingrained in my DNA.

Brennan looks down from my hands and to my face. Understanding spreads across his face. There’s a reason why I would lose a part of myself, literally, that would need physical mending. He knows it.

“You were pregnant?” He says finally. 

I nod and a few tears fall down my cheeks with the motion. He brings his hand to his stubble covered chin, rubbing it across his sharp jawline, looking away from me. When he meets my eyes again he adds, “And you miscarried?”

“Yeah.” I nod again, and more tears well up through me with the admission. “I didn’t even know it, when it happened. Since it was so early, Healer Colbersy implied it might have not been viable in the first place. But there’s no way of knowing since-”

“Since you were mended.” He finishes for me, and I nod in reply. He nods to himself as well, figuring out the logistics for himself. “And since it was all internal, you bare no scars. No one has to know, unless…” he trails off, sitting back into his seat.

“Unless they’re a mender, like you?” I finish for him. His gaze collides from mine, giving me a sorrowful look. 

“Isla, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. It just came out of me, it’s weird. I’m used to being the only mender. I don’t feel other people’s magic unless it’s someone like my sister.” He rambles, and takes my hands in his again.

I look down to our hands to hide my tearful face. “It’s fine. I don’t mind telling you.” 

He gives me a tight lipped smile. “Do you mind me asking, when?”

My gaze trails upwards, as I genuinely try to think. It feels like a lifetime ago, but that’s probably just my coping mechanisms. “July, about mid-July. When they all came back, from here , I guess. Xaden told me.”

His eyes go slightly wide, “Did Xaden know?”

I sigh slightly, “No. But he figured it out, thanks to your nosy dragons.” I try at some humor but can’t even find it in myself to smile.

He gives me another tight lipped smile instead, “That was not even four months ago, Isla. Have you told anyone else? Does Ridoc…” He trails off, because my face says it all. 

I clutch his hands in mine desperately, “No. He doesn’t know. Xaden knows. Brielle knows. And now you. That’s all. Ridoc… it’s new. He already knows a little bit too much about me and Liam. I don’t know if he can handle much more.” The tears fall down my face as I ramble. 

Brennan takes my face in between his hands, shushing me, like comforting a child. He pulls me into an embrace as this only makes the sobs come out harder. I’m not used to being cared for like this. I do the comforting, not the other way around. 

“It’s okay, Isla. I’ll keep your secret. But that doesn’t mean in time you shouldn’t-”

There’s a loud clack as the knob to the door of his study turns open. 

Damn Riders and how they think they’re above using everyday conveniences like real locks on doors.

The door swings open, “Hey Colonel Aisereigh or whatever, is it normal for me to feel naus-” Ridoc rambles as he barges into the room. He stops abruptly as he spots us. His hair curls naturally with moisture and he’s in a new fresh black uniform. 

We abruptly pull apart, and I try to wipe the sadness from my face. Brennan hands me a box of tissues from the coffee table. 

“Isla? Are you okay? What’s going on?” He asks quickly in succession as he rushes over, kneeling in front of me. 

I struggle to get my sobs and breathing under control and Brennan stands, handing me the glass of water again. 

Breath in. Breath through. Breath deep. Breath out. 

I repeat the mantra internally as I take a large gulp of water.

Ridoc turns his attention to him, “What happened? What’d you say to her?” he asks him accusingly. 

Brennan steps back from us, putting his hands up slightly. “I’m just a mender. You’re the one that almost died.” 

Smooth. Real smooth Lieutenant Colonel. Make him think that all these tears are for him . 

Ridoc takes my face in his hands, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. “Isla, I’m fine. Really, I’m right here.”

I nod with my face in his hands, “Let’s go. I have a tincture ready for that nausea.” I say with my breathing finally under control and stand out of his grasp. 

Brennan has his back turned to us, heading back to his desk so I can’t read his face. 

So Ridoc can’t read his face.

Ridoc lets me lead him out of the study. I continue leading him in silence, and he lets me. I skip the infirmary all together and lead him to my room. I really do have a few remedies stashed in there for emergencies. I imagine my face must be red and blotchy, I really don’t want to see anyone else right now. 

When we enter my room I let go of his hand to rummage through my armoire for the tincture. He takes a seat on my bed. “So, it’s just you in here now? You kicked Brielle out?” he attempts at some humor. 

I find the tincture and walk over to him. I hold out the dropper without a word, he lifts his tongue as his eyes search my face. 

He closes his mouth and swallows. “Isla, what’s wrong? This isn’t just about me, isn’t it?” 

My gaze collides with his. I already went through one admission today, I can’t do another.

“Brielle is in the room attached through the bathing chamber. We had enough time to sort things out while you all were gone.” I avoid answering his question as I move to put away the tincture. 

My mind reels with a thousand new questions. What would happen if Ridoc knew? Would he feel sorry for me? Would he be upset that I didn’t tell him sooner? That I didn’t tell him before we slept together? Would he feel terrible that I was upset today not only because of him, but because of how it reminded me of how I felt after Liam? The questions cycle like an endless labyrinth through my mind, never to be solved. 

I flit about the room, organizing little things that don’t need organizing. Ridoc stands from up off the bed and catches my hands in his, forcing me to face him. 

“Isla,” he says more insistently as his hands slide down to my shoulders. “Are you okay?” He asks once again. I meet his warm brown eyes, and something warms inside me. 

My veins start to dissipate the anxiety that was rushing through them. His fresh citrusy scent of bergamot hits me and it's like someone throws a blanket over the fire burning within me. Ridoc has this way of always making safe, calm, at home. He would break his back just to make me smile. 

Uh oh.

I think internally. I know what this is. It doesn’t matter what Brennan would have told me today, about what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s too late. 

I’m falling in love again.

I thought the love of my life was over. The greatest loves of all time are over now, usually. Right? He didn’t save me. I didn’t ask to be saved. But somehow, Ridoc has turned it all around. 

I don’t deserve him. I made my worries and tears today about someone else when he’s the one that almost died.  

I can’t tell him that I love him, especially now, because that would be selfish. I need to earn his love first. And who says I’m worthy of his love?

I settle for winding my arms around his back, “I am now.” 

His eyes crease slightly with a smile and he winds his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. He kisses the top of my head. I close my eyes and savor the moment while it lasts.

He starts to pull away all too soon. “Hey, I can’t stay. I have to go debrief with everyone else. Jesinia is already up my ass about recording everything that happened.” He unwinds my arms from around him gently.

My heart sinks, but I nod. “Of course, you should go. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He holds my hands in his, not letting me go just yet.

His face softens, “I’ll always worry about you.”

We pull together like magnets. And next thing I know his lips are on mine, and there’s not better taste in the world. 

I pull away before things can get too heated. Boundaries. I need them. 

“Go.” I tell him, “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His brows furrow and he looks around the room dramatically. “Tomorrow? When you have this whole room to yourself?”

I laugh, and my chest feels instantly better. “Yes. Tomorrow. You need your rest after that mission and almost dying.”

He throws his head back and groans. “Fine. Whatever you say, Cadet Blair.” 

I hold tight to my boundaries as I watch him leave, even though every other molecule in me wants him to stay. If our relationship rises too fast, I know from experience, it can’t last.

Chapter Text

I wake up one morning and roll over only to hit something hard, and warm. Ridoc still lays next to me on his stomach, his head turned towards me. I fight the urge to trace the tattoo on his back.

“Ridoc,” I hiss at him and shove his shoulder. 

He groans/whines. “Ridoc.” I hiss again, shoving him harder. 

“You know there are more fun ways to wake me up, Blair.” He grumbles, opening one eye to peer at me. 

A smirk grows on the side of his face I can see as I glare down at him. He turns over onto his back, and through the sheets I can see the silhouette of what he’s referencing. I bite my lip.

“Tempting. But it’s well past seven am. The halls are going to be bustling with healers for the new day shift.” This doesn’t discourage his smirk. He reaches out, wrapping one muscular bicep around my waist and pulls me on top of him. 

I’ve completely forgotten my own arguments for why this shouldn’t happen when I feel his hard length slide against me. 

“All the more reason to sleep in .” He says, grinding his hips up to keep sliding against me. 

I lean down and kiss him lightly on the lips. I pull away before he can deepen the kiss, a smirk growing on my own face. “You’re going to miss breakfast.” 

He slides his hands now onto my inner thighs. “I could eat right here.” He says before simultaneously pulling me upwards and sliding down so his mouth lands in between my thighs. I brace my hands against the wall for balance and minimize a shriek that almost escaped my mouth. Ridoc’s silencing rune that he had made was tied to the nighttime. He’s yet to master a complete silencing rune and he couldn’t create wards yet. 

He gazes upwards at me with a glint in his eye as he nibbles on my inner thighs. The sensation makes me ticklish and I squirm. “Fine. But I don’t want to hear any whining from you when you’re actually hungry.”

It was Saturday anyway. The riders hardly even got an entire day off but the weekends usually meant their mornings were free. Only specialty classes were maybe scheduled, not the usual physics, history, runes, sparring etc. that took up the weekdays. 

Tomorrow his squad had a bonding activity planned that merely meant going over to Rhiannon’s sister, Reagan’s house. Ridoc had already taken me once there and I delighted in getting to interact with some people who weren’t riders and healers; most importantly, Lukas, Rhiannon’s little nephew. 

I briefly wondered what my own child would have been like. A boy like Lukas?

I didn’t let the thought get me down. I bit the inside of my cheek and drive the thoughts away as I focus on Ridoc, lowering my hips. 

“Who says I’m not actually hungry?” he says before bringing me down to meet his mouth with full force. 

A shriek of laughter escapes me. I might have to ask Xaden for a favor with the runes. Luckily we don't get caught, but we both miss breakfast. 

I don’t mind. For once, I let go of all my fears and my ghosts and I simply enjoy this. 

We have history class and I finally sit next to him. He plays with my hair hanging down the back of my chair. 

I love him. 

He sleeps over some nights and sneaks out before breakfast so he won’t be caught by the healers. He kisses my forehead goodbye as I’m still half asleep. 

I love him.

On nights where he doesn’t come over, I sleep in his black shirt. The only piece of clothing I own, not in the healer blue color palette.

I love him.

We study in the library together in silence. He writes me notes with sweet nothings in them and passes them to me under the table so his squadmates don’t see. 

I love him. 

Late at night we dance barefoot in my room. I memorize the creaks in the floors as he twirls me around.

I love him. 

Snow falls on the ground and he makes me mini icicle sculptures that he leaves for me to find in the mornings. 

I love him.

I leave my scarf at Rhiannon’s sister’s house when he takes me there with his squad. On the way home the jacket around my shoulders is his. 

I love him. 

We get drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the local Aretian village bar. 

I love him.

His Dad moves into that same village and on the way home he tells me, casually, he wants to take me there. My Father and sisters are moving in soon too and they want to meet him.

I love him. 

I love him. I love him. I love him. 

I stop myself from telling him again and again as the weeks pass and snow cakes the ground. But he doesn’t tell me so either. 

I’m terrified of what might happen when he does. 

I’m terrified of loving him. 

He holds my hand in between classes, on walks to the village, while falling asleep next to me. He squeezes it three times in succession absentmindedly. 

I love him. 

One night, he wakes with a strange look on his face. The lights are out but I can see it as he turns to me, pauses, then says “you’re my best friend.”

I love him.

And I think he loves me.

Chapter Text

The weeks pass and the moments between Ridoc and I seem more and more stolen. He and his squad are often busy researching the wards in the library on top of regularly studying. Sometimes late into the night, so he doesn’t even come to my room afterwards. I know he’s busy and that’s a side effect of being friends with Violet Sorrengail. I try to not let it feel like it means anything greater about his feelings towards me. 

I fill my spare time with shadowing Brennan one on one. I even help him with the tedious tasks that are involved in running Riorson House like finding a constant herd of livestock for the dragons. It’s out of my scope as a healer but it keeps me busy and feeling useful in this ongoing war.

Brennan doesn’t ask me specifically about my past involving Liam, but he checks in with me frequently making sure I’m okay. 

We’re in his study now, he’s teaching me a few runes that can be used in combination with remedies for healing. The concept is completely foreign to me, magic being infused with science. I don’t have any magic myself so I can only use runes already made by riders, or in theory, if someone were to transfer their magic to me through someone like a Siphon. Brennan has informed me that Sloane Mairi has manifested her signet recently as a Siphon. I suspect that revelation has led to our newest subject in our sessions.

“A rune can strengthen the power of whatever healing remedy you’re trying to use. For example, Isaz, here,” He draws what seems like a simple line with one finger by using an antidote for a simple wolfsbane poison onto a plate. “Which can mean delay or suspension, to slow the effects of a poison while the proper remedy is found, or, for the sake of time and resources, whatever the reason may be.” The rune glows slightly as he removes his fingers and then dissipates. I would only have to administer the liquid somehow, maybe with a dropper. 

“A Siphon and a Healer could, in theory, work together to allow for healers to use magic to strengthen their healing abilities. Someone like Sloane and you.” He finishes, and takes a dropper to absorb the liquid and store it in a vial. It can now be saved for later use. 

“And you haven’t tested that theory?” I ask him, because what he’s proposing means that I could potentially be working with Sloane in the future. A part of me internally groans, it just had to be her. My partner in healing just had to be the one person who when I looked into their eyes would fill me with complicated feelings of grief. But, if he hasn’t tested that theory, then maybe it won’t work and I’ll be spared. 

It’s an incredibly selfish reason to not want to strengthen our healing abilities as a whole. 

“No.” He avoids my gaze and his mouth flattens into a hard line. “There hasn’t been a need since I can use my own magic to create runic remedies. And I haven’t encountered a Siphon since Tairn’s previous rider.” He starts taking out new vials and new plates so I can at least practice the shapes for the common healing runes. 

“Tairn? That’s Violet’s dragon right? What happened to them?” It seems strange that given the bond between riders and their dragons that dragons could have that same bond with another rider. I couldn’t imagine Aotrom bonded to anyone else besides Ridoc, those two are like brothers constantly pranking each other. 

“Naolin tried using his powers beyond their extent… to save me.” His words were vague, but by his expression I understood. He died trying to save him. Being in close proximity to a Siphon didn’t seem too reassuring anymore. 

“I’m sorry, Brennan.” I placed the top of my hand on his, the one with his own runic scar, and squeezed. This scar of his must be the residual effect of Naolin’s attempt to save him. If Naolin’s attempt had cost him his life in order to save Brennan’s, what was the point of runic remedies? Would I be too afraid to use them considering the cost?

Grief flashes briefly across Brennan’s face. He turns his head to look at me, and the corner of his mouth lifts. Now he’s shared his grief with me after I shared mine with him. “I’m sorry too, Isla. Have you reconsidered telling him yet? I hear you guys are going strong and you’ve reigned him in quite nicely.” He gives me a knowing grin and I let out a laugh.

“You mean reigned him in from his bed-hopping frog ways? Yes I suppose so.” I shake my head thinking about the run-ins I’ve had with more than a few riders who scurried away from me, blushing. I don’t mind Ridoc’s past, it’s not like I don’t have a past of my own. I’ve made a hundred speeches that I’ve then thrown out after almost saying them to Ridoc. 

I sigh, preparing to answer Brennan’s initial question. “I haven’t. I like him, I-” I swallow, once again I’m telling Brennan something that I haven’t even told Ridoc myself first. “I love him. And I’m terrified of losing him.” I look up at Brennan now, meeting his amber eyes. “What if I lose him by telling him?”

He puts a hand on my shoulder, “If he loves you, which I think he does, you won’t. But I think you’ll always hold back from him if you don’t tell him.” Gods damn big-brother-figure-mender, he sees right through me. 

“Lieutenant Colonel!” A lieutenant barges through the door without so much as a warning. Brennan drops his hand from my shoulder and I practically jump a foot back away from him. The lieutenant doesn’t even spare me a glance. “A horde of wyvern has been spotted flying from Pavis to the cliffs.”

“Shit.” Brennan mutters and stalks away from our work table. “Gather the Assembly, tell the cadets to prepare for formation. I’ll join them when I find my sister and her gods damn boyfriend.” 

I’m left alone in Brennan’s study holding in a smirk as I assume he means Violet and Xaden. Seems like he’s in the middle of a few relationships among cadets, well, cadets and one lieutenant. 

I clean up our work area, taking the completed runic remedies with me and go to join the other healers in the infirmary. On the way there I spot one of the lead healers coming down the stairs from the family quarters. She must have just been coming from Xaden’s, and by extension, Violet’s room. The squads were involved in a competition today for a weekend pass. Ridoc was hoping to win and use it to go visit both our families in the village. 

“Healer Leighton!” I call as I catch up to her. She rounds the corner at the base of the staircase. “Do you know what’s going on?” 

“No, I’ve just finished checking on Cadet Sorrengail. What have you heard?” She matches my pace as we walk hastily to the infirmary.

“I was in a lesson with the Lieutenant Colonel when someone said a horde of wyvern were heading toward Pavis.” She raises both her silver brows at me.

“Well then we better tell the others and start preparing, sounds like we have a battle coming.”

I swallow, and my heart drops into the pit of my stomach. My immediate thoughts go to Ridoc, he’ll be preparing for formation and I need to get the infirmary set up for triage and casualties. Riorson house is already descending into chaos as we make our way to the infirmary, there’s no way I’ll be able to find him and say goodbye. 

I can only hope that I might get the chance to tell him one of my thrown-out speeches when he returns.

Later that evening, most of the riders and fliers in the infirmary are treated for exhaustion. They all had little time to prepare and most of them just need a good meal and some fluids. I administer anti-nausea remedy to one rider before they attempt to eat their dinner. I see Brielle approaching us in her full uniform as I check the rider’s IV and fluids being administered. 

“Cadet Blair, I’m taking over. Healer Leighton said you should get some dinner of your own.” She smiles at me, I take off my gloves and move to pass her. “Go find him.” She whispers to me as I pass. 

I blush and can’t help the smile that moves across my lips, “Thank you.” I whisper back, she winks at me. 

I practically skip out of the infirmary, barely stopping to take off my apron by the door. I hear the cheering and sounds of joyous celebration as I leave the infirmary. I take the pins out of my hair as I walk, relieving my scalp of a slight headache that had been forming. 

When I reach the foyer, I search the crowd of brown and black uniforms for one particular set of brown curls. 

I spot Ridoc yanking Violet into a celebratory hug. My heart instantly warms, he looks relatively unharmed. He’s alive. 

I love him.

The atmosphere is contagious in the crowded foyer. The grand foyer feels more like a family, a home. A bubbly sense of joy fills up within me. Ridoc is my home. I think back to my conversation with Brennan. I want to tell him that I love him. And to be fair, I need to tell him my secret. Because how can he love me back without really knowing me?

I smile and build up my courage. When I get him alone tonight, I’ll tell him. 

I watch as riders and fliers continue embracing each other. A tall, burly blonde rider yanks Ridoc into a hug, he claps him on the back, returning it. When the rider pulls away, suddenly he rears back, and his lips are on Ridoc’s. 

For a moment I can’t breathe. Ridoc reaches up and places his hands on either side of the rider’s face. And then two moments pass, my chest feels like ice. Ridoc and the unnamed rider are both smiling into the kiss. And then two moments become three, my hands begin to shake at my sides. Finally, he pushes the rider back. They both continue to smile, and the blonde rider claps Ridoc on the shoulder. Ridoc drops his hands and grins sheepishly, turning away. 

I’m certain that I must be turning blue by now because I don’t think I’ve taken a breath in over a minute. Ridoc scratches the back of his neck where his tattoo stops and starts, and then my vision works in slow motion. He lifts his head and his eyes instantly collide with mine. 

I bolt . 

We’re in the foyer at the main entrance, and the way that I came from the infirmary is blocked by several celebrating cadets. I turn towards the main double doors just needing to escape, not caring if it’s quite literally freezing in the December air outside. 

“You’re my best friend.”

Did I really think he thought of me as anything more? That he was capable of loving me? 

I can see my breath in the cold air as it comes out in rasps. The shock of the cold doesn’t hit me like it should. The initial shock of what I’d just witnessed still pulses through my veins. 

“ISLA!” I can hear Ridoc calling from inside. I move to hide behind a pillar, but I hear bootsteps coming out of Riorson House, and I know he’s probably already seen me. “Isla!” 

I lean my head back against the pillar, closing my eyes and trying to catch my breath. The cold air fills my lungs and freezes my heart, freezing it together from breaking. 

“I’d do anything for you.”

When I open my eyes he’s in front of me,  “Fuck Isla, you’re shivering.” He yanks his jacket off his shoulders and begins to hold it out to place it around mine. 

I hold my hand up to him. “Don’t!” My chest heaves and I am shivering, but not because I’m cold. 

“I’ll always worry about you.”

His face falls, I have no words. I don’t even know where to start. I can’t believe I was just about to tell him that I love him.

Lies . It was all lies. I was merely a footnote in the story of his life. 

“Isla, please. I’m so sorry. That was a mistake. Tyvon just appeared and… he didn’t know about us, or probably didn’t think we were that serious. Everyone was celebrating, for a minute I forgot- I didn’t mean to…” He trails off, afraid to admit what I’ve already seen with my own eyes. 

He forgot.

Tears start to prick the corners of my eyes as he speaks. I swallow, trying to push them back. I push back everything I had been feeling about him. I mentally backtrack everything that I had been wanting to say to him. 

I look back at him, pinning him with a glare. “You know Ridoc, maybe he was right. It’s fine. It’s fine, maybe we’re not that serious. Not serious enough for you to remember I guess. Just a bit of fun, right?”

He squares his stance off towards me, “A bit of fun?”

I inhale a breath, and spit out more words I don’t mean. “Yeah. Don’t sweat it. Go back inside and celebrate with Tyvon. You’re the same as you’ve always been since I met you six months ago. I was wrong to think that you were-”

“That I was what? That I was anything like Mr. Golden Boy?” His hands flex into fists at his sides as I freeze like I’ve already been struck. “Well sorry I didn’t measure up for your replacement.”

I scoff in disbelief. I can’t believe he just went there. His expression doesn’t soften as I’m sure he can see the visible hurt flashing across my face. It’s time for me to go.

I slide out from against the pillar and head back inside. He doesn’t pull me back, but I can hear his bootsteps following me. 

“You say the word Isla, and I’ll never leave you. Not unless you want me to.”  

Once back inside I head into the crowd of cadets and lieutenants, hoping to lose him. My vision is a blurry mess from my tears, and I think I’m almost to the edge of the crowd when someone in black backs into me abruptly. My ankle bends on its side and I lose my footing. I’m falling, and I brace my hands out to catch myself.

My hands catch onto something else before I can face plant into the lovely marble of the foyer. I’m caught by another pair of strong arms in leather and black.

“Whoa! You okay there, Isla?” I grip onto the front of my savior’s flight jacket as I regain my balance. I try to blink away my tears, steadying myself, and I make out a distinct wingleader patch underneath my left hand. I swallow my tears and a slight sense of dread fills me. My savior called me by my first name.

There’s only one wingleader who would call me by my first name. 

I look up and see the light brown eyes I expected to find there. “Dain, I’m fine. Thank you.” I chew on my bottom lip.

His brows pull together as he analyzes my face. His hands are still on my rib cage, holding me in place steadily. “Are you sure? You don’t seem fine.” He removes one hand from my side only to cup my face, brushing a tear away with his thumb. 

“I’m-” I start to speak but Ridoc pushes his way through the crowd in my peripheral vision. 

“Isla! Wait-” Both of our gazes snap in Ridoc’s direction and I watch Ridoc’s expression shift across his face as he takes in the scene of us. 

My hands gripping Dain’s jacket. His hand holding me up and the other on my face. We’re in what could be seen as an intimate embrace. I slide my hands down from where they have a hold on Dain’s jacket.

Ridoc shifts his wait and his eyes flash between me and Dain. Dain drops his hands from his hold on me as well but it’s too late. The damage has been done. 

“Twenty seconds, huh? Twenty seconds and you already found my replacement?” Ridoc gestures between the two of us as a smirk grows on his face.

Dain takes a step back, holding his hands up. “She fell, Gamlyn. That’s not-”

“Save it, Aetos. I know you had her before. Although I thought you’d be smart enough to know she’s really just looking for a replacement for Mr. Golden Boy. Best of luck to you, though, I’m sure you’ll be better off Isla. Maybe he’ll measure up better than I did to Mairi.” Ridoc cocks his head to the side, making a show of measuring Dain up and down with his gaze. 

All the cold in my chest melts away as a fire is lit there by Ridoc’s words. 

I scoff, “You’re unbelievable, Ridoc. You’re the one who just kissed someone else. And you dare to bring him into this?” And by him I don’t mean Dain. He truly is unbelievable. I briefly notice that a circle has started to form around us, we have an audience. 

Ridoc raises his eyebrows to meet his hairline and he scoffs, “I dare?” He narrows his eyes on me now, “Do you even know, Isla? Do you know why he’s always touching people’s faces? Do you even know that he’s the reason Mairi is dead?” He ignores my question and hurls his own questions at me instead throwing a gesture at Dain accusingly which each.

Rhiannon appears at Ridoc’s side and places a hand on his shoulder, “Not here, Ridoc.” He shrugs off her hand with twitch.

My heart races. I have no idea what he means. I’m only shocked that he’s brought up Liam now, not once, or twice, but three times.

My hands shake at my sides, and Dain’s warm hand finds mine. He doesn’t quite hold my hand but he grips my palm softly. “Isla, if you want I can expl-”

I ignore Dain’s words. “Fuck you Ridoc Gamlyn.” I spit out and grip Dain’s hand back. I spin around, pulling him with me. The crowd parts like a sea for us. 

“You already did, babe!” Ridoc calls after us.

Ridoc Gamlyn calling me a whore has to be the greatest joke he’s ever told.

Chapter Text

I don’t really know why I’m dragging Dain along with me but holding his hand is keeping mine from trembling. I don’t even know where we’re going as we move through the halls of the first floor of Riorson House. I just know that I’m leaving. 

I feel like such a fool, and I’m done with riders. The many faces of men, particularly riders, I’ve encountered flash before my eyes. All my fucking lives over the past six months. 

He smiles but genuinely, “Promise.” He pulls me back towards him, “I don’t want you to go.”

“Someone told me to look for the stunning brunette with steely blue eyes.”

“Your secret is safe with me. And now we’re even.” 

“You’re going to be fine, one day. You deserve to be loved, like he said. You just need to let someone.” 

“You say the word Isla, and I’ll never leave you. Not unless you want me to.”  

Was any of it true? Or was it just part of some game?

He was my best friend. 

I felt more in brief moments with Ridoc than with all the charming riders in the past six months. 

And that was the worst part.

I shove us through the first open door I come across that’s far enough away from all the noise. There’s an escape in escaping.

I release him and let out a groan of annoyance while plopping down onto the small couch at the side of the room. This is where Brennan had lain when I reset his broken nose. I cover my eyes with my forearm, maybe this will all disappear if I can’t see it.

“We must stop meeting like this Isla,” Dain half chuckles, following me into the empty study. I think this is where we have history class.

“Meeting like what? Me in the middle of an emotional breakdown and taking advantage of your kindness for comfort?” I uncover one eye to peer at him. I see his scruffed face smirking at me at he stands off to the side, mixing drinks at the small bar tucked into the bookshelves.

He chuckles again, “You’re too hard on yourself. I was referring to how it always feels like you’re running away from something when we do meet.”

I sigh, leaning my head back onto the couch. “You’re not wrong.”

He chuckles and walks over to hand me a glass of something orange. “You seem like you need a drink.” He says when I hesitate to take it. 

“What is it?” I ask, before taking a sip. It’s bitter with a slight citrusy spice to it. It reminds me of Ridoc. 

“An old-fashioned. Seems to be Fen Riorson’s go to, this was his study I believe.” He sits down next to me on the small sofa, taking in the room. I set the glass down on the side table beside us. 

“Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” He asks, as he shrugs down into the seat and takes a sip of his own. The move is slightly attractive. Like he’s opening up his lap for me to sit in it. But that’s probably just my interpretation with the heated emotions running through me, not his actual intention.

Damn riders.

“No.” I roll my head across the back of the couch to face him. “But do you want to tell me what he was talking about?”

He tenses his jawline, and it’s never been sharper. “Okay. But when I tell you, know that you’ll hate me and you can be relieved that you’ll never seek me out for comfort again.”

I’m emotionally spent. I have nothing left in me to condemn him for his unnamed crime. I’m just curious and looking for a distraction from what’s currently happening. I turn my body so I’m fully laying on my side, facing him. “Try me.” I dare him, narrowing my eyes slightly. 

He sighs, but I swear his gaze flickers across my face before he brings a leg up to sit facing me as well. “Violet and I have been friends since we were children, you know that right?”

“I had somewhat of an idea.” I prop my head up on my elbow, listening intently. 

He swallows, “Yeah well, I was worried about her. With her getting so close to Riorson last year, you know? And I can’t always control my signet-”

I feel my brows pull together, “What’s your signet?”

I realize that I don’t even know this man’s signet after I’ve already slept with him. But to be fair, I hardly know this man at all after sleeping with him. 

He chews on his lip, “You’re going to hate me.”

I tuck my legs up underneath me, and roll my eyes. I forgot how charming and endearing he was, and I’m comfortable around him.  “Dain Aetos I promise you, you’re not going to be at the top of my list of people I hate right now.”

He shifts in his seat, and sets down his glass. “I think you’ll very much rethink that statement after you hear what I’ve done.”

I groan and reach out to grab his hand, “Now who’s being too hard on themselves?”

I really don’t see how Dain could have led to Liam’s death. He wasn’t even there . I know because I’ve already heard about how Liam died and as much as I hate myself for it, there’s already someone else I hold to blame. 

He squeezes my hand, “Okay, so. If I’m touching someone’s face,” He flips over my hand and opens my palm, tracing my fingers with this, stalling.  “I can read their memories.”

My first reaction is to snatch my palm away, but he looks up at me with such a deep sadness. I close my palm around his fingers, squeezing him back. “What did you do, Dain?”

He shies away from my gaze again. “I read Violet’s memories, and I saw something that was classified information. Something that shouldn’t be allowed by a Second Year.”

“But this was during First Year for Violet, if this was before Liam’s death.”

“Yes, well, I saw Xaden’s cousin going somewhere that he shouldn’t be permitted as a Second Year at the time. I told my father, thinking it was a minor infraction against the Codex.”

Xaden’s cousin… another male rider’s face flashes before my eyes. The rider in the hall that caught me leaving Dain’s room that one night. The same one that vouched for Brielle and I when we arrived in Aretia and Dain was taken into custody.

“Doing some healing in there?” 

“Bodhi Durran?” Dain’s gaze collides with mine, this is where the real story starts. I can feel it by the look he levels me with. But I already know how this story ends. 

Liam dies. 

I’m left as collateral damage. 

“Yes. And because of that, Xaden and his group for War Games were punished. I had no idea they were being sent into a trap, but I told Violet I’d miss her before she left with them. They later took that as meaning I knew where they were being sent and why.”

Liam’s note, he had said it was a trap. A trap orchestrated partially by the man sitting in front of me. 

The first man I slept with after Liam died. 

I notice now that somehow we’ve moved closer together on the small sofa. Our faces were nearly inches apart. I could smell the leather of his jacket mixed with his ever present smell of soap even after coming back from a battle.

I straighten up in my seat and still our hands where they’re intertwined in between us. 

He senses the change in me. “And now you blame me for their deaths too.” He straightens his seated stance as well and starts to pull his hand away. 

I pull his hand back and scoot myself closer to him as well in the process. My first reaction is to comfort him, always, to comfort people and take care of their needs before my own. I’m nearly in his lap now. 

“I don’t blame you, Dain. You made a mistake. Although I don’t agree that you shouldn’t have betrayed a friend like that, there’s no way you could have known the repercussions it would cause from such a minor infraction like a Second Year breaking the rules a bit.”

Liam made his own choices. He chose to be loyal to Violet and Xaden. He chose to join Xaden’s team and go on that mission. Dain was just a twenty, twenty-one year old boy who chose to trust in his father. 

I look down at our hands, tracing the calluses on his palms, thinking of how much a difference one tiny decision can make. 

“Can I ask you a question now, Isla?”

I look slowly up at him, I know what he wants to ask. “Sure.”

He doesn’t look at me accusingly or tense whatsoever. “Why would Ridoc throw this in your face? Did you even know Cadet Mairi?” 

Even though I expected it, it still feels as if my heart skips a beat when he asks the question. 

“It’s a long story,” I look back down at our hands and his open palm. I’m exhausted from the evening’s emotional turmoil and I really don’t feel like hearing myself repeat the same sad story again. “Why don’t I just show you?” 

His eyes flash from me down to our hands. “Isla, you don’t have to…” he trails off but lets me lift his hand to my face. 

“It’s just easier this way.” I watch his throat bob as he gulps, and nods slightly. 

I place his hand on my cheek and close my eyes. I try to push forward the memories that I do want him to see.

He looks like a fallen angel… in rider black. 

“Wait, at least tell me your name before you knock me out!?” I press my lips to prevent a further smile from growing on my own face. 

“Cadet Blair, I’ll be the one primarily taking care of you while you’re here in the infirmary.”

“If I’m limited on questions, you should be required to answer the ones I do get to ask.” 

“You are a shameless flirt.” 

I smile softly but don’t meet his gaze, “Maybe you are rubbing off on me, Cadet Mairi.” 

“Cadet Blair, we’ve been at this for weeks. You know the rules, you. have. to. answer. Are you going to miss me?”

“Now Cadet Blair, don’t get mad at me. But I have something for you.”

His grin turns more into a soft kind smile, “Well, I don’t know exactly. I just thought of what animal made me think of you. And rabbits are gentle and wise, but also quick and clever, like you. And they’re also lucky, right? So maybe giving you a bit of luck is the least I can do for you, after all that you’ve done for me these past few weeks.” 

They’re arm in arm, her head on his shoulder, and everyone is looking at them. Scratch that, everyone is looking at him with distaste. 

“Looks like I wasn’t fast enough..” I say to myself.

“Fast enough for what?” a voice shocks me from behind, his voice. 

He draws me in closer, “Okay, Isla, this way.”

“I care,” he takes my hand up towards his mouth, “I care about you, Isla. And not because you heal me.” He says and gently kisses the palm of my hand.

Our faces are mere inches apart and I lean down so our noses brush. “I’ve missed you too Liam,” I inhale sharply, ready to take a risk. “I care about you too.” 

“That was better than my wildest dreams,” I say. I’m not quite sure what else there is to say. I don’t want this to end.

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. There’s a sadness there and I couldn’t possibly know why after what we just shared. 

“I will, I promise, I’m not finished with you yet, Isla Blair.”

I sigh, and take one last look at him, even if it's just the back of his shining head. I start to scurry off, but he turns just in time, knowing I must be lurking behind right about now. He spots me, catches my eye, and winks. 

“I regret to inform you that a mutual friend of ours… perished on our mission.” 

“Lieutenant Rioson, please…” 

“Cadet… Liam Mairi.”

“Now, now, dear. I’ve got you.” I hear her say before the world goes completely dark. 

“So… Isla. Did you know that you were pregnant?” 

She nods, “I’m so sorry for your loss… losses.” 

He stands and places the letter in my hands. “He said, ‘give this to her, and make sure she knows she deserves to be loved.’” 

And maybe if I keep my eyes closed, he’ll look just like Liam.

She looks at me nervously, biting her lip. “I mean… Liam was protecting me, he and Deigh were protecting Tairn and myself. I wish I could have done more when Deigh-”

His expression softens, “You don’t blame… Isla you can’t keep-” 

“Ahh,” she says and clucks her tongue. “You knew my brother.” It isn’t a question. She smirks, raising an eyebrow at me. “Kind of gross learning about my brother’s past exploits, post mortem, like this.”

He nods his head and tightens his lips, “Ah ha, well, I’d be happy to escort you, but I think you should probably be headed toward the temple of Malek in the Academic Wing.”

“I think he loved you too.” the corner of her mouth quirks, and a dimple reveals on her cheek, another resemblance to him. 

I instinctively reach for it, half leaping over the railing. It flutters in the breeze, and dives down underneath the bridge.

“No!” I gasp, reaching further, but it disappears from my view.

His eyes don’t hold any double meaning, “Yeah, rabbits typically mean good luck… and fertility.” he says matter-of-factly. 

I hold my hand out, gripping it in a fist, over the edge. For the last time, I say, “Goodbye, Liam Mairi.” 

Dain pulls his hand away abruptly, and I take it as a sign that he’s done. He’s seen it all. Now he’s on the list of my few confidants. 

He’s looking at me slightly wide eyed, and his gaze flickers across my face.

“For the love of Dunne, Isla, are you okay?” He brings both his hands to my face now, and his thumbs brush away moisture on my cheeks. I didn’t even know I had been crying. 

“On second thought, don’t answer that.” My lip trembles, and he pulls me into a hug. I start sobbing, my tears leaving water streaks on his jacket. I’m not really crying over the grief of the events anymore, but it’s such a relief. It’s a relief to just tell someone and not care what they might think. It’s a relief just to have someone care for me for once.

My sobs quiet as I come to terms with that realization. This should be Ridoc, if he didn’t screw it all up. He saw forever with me, so he smashed it up. Or was it a joint effort?

Dain holds my face between his hands and faces me, “Did he know?”

I know what he he’s referring to. “No. I imagine we wouldn’t be here right now if he did.”

Dain sighs, running a hand through his hair, and my chest tightens. “Good. Because if he did I’d probably go challenge him right now and beat his ass.” He clenches his jaw, his face hardening and I think he’s 100% serious. 

I can’t help but laugh and a couple more tears fall down my cheek. Dain smiles and lifts his hand to brush them away when the door the study opens and the sounds of the celebration outside pours in. 

“Oh… there you two are,” Both our heads turn to find Rhiannon standing awkwardly in the doorway. She looks back and forth between us, chewing on her lip. “I’m really sorry, but Dain, Violet needs our help in the library.”

Dain doesn’t move from his seat. He just nods to her, “Just give a minute, I’ll be right there.”

She nods back, swinging the door closed and giving me one last unreadable look. 

Disgust? Pity? She heard what Ridoc had said, does she think he’s right and I’m just jumping from one rider to the next? 

When Rihannon leaves I try to give Dain my best smile. “I’m fine, really.” Or at least I will be, once I fix me, he’s going to miss me. 

He leans forward and surprises me by giving me a soft, and slightly lingering, kiss on the cheek. “I’ll come find you, okay? You’re not alone.” He looks me straight in the eyes, holding my face so it stays fixed on his.

My eyes briefly flicker down to his lips. “Okay,” I get out barely above a whisper.

His eyes mirror my action, and he narrows his head slightly, as if in question. We’re dangerously close. 

“Although I thought you’d be smart enough to know she’s really just looking for a replacement for Mr. Golden Boy.”

I swallow my intentions and pull back slightly as Ridoc’s words fill my ears. “Good luck… on your research.” I say as he drops his hands. 

He gives me another soft smile, but his eyes are darker this time. He starts to stand, and I pull him back by the collar of his jacket to return a kiss on his cheek. 

“Thank you, Dain.” 

He licks his full lips as I pull away. “You’re going to be okay, Isla. You-” he stops himself before repeating the words he saw echo throughout my memories. He sets his jaw, “You’re going to be okay. I’ll come check on you in the morning.” He plants a kiss on my hairline, and I murmur an ‘okay’ while looking up at him. 

I watch him go, leaving the study. Once again I think, once I fix me, he’s going to miss me.

Chapter Text

Ridoc

We’re in the damn library again, and normally I would be complaining if I hadn’t just broken up with Isla. How did it even end? I still don’t know. But I do know at the first sign of trouble, she ran. She ran straight into the arms of the nearest eligible rider, just further confirming my doubts. 

Aetos walks in behind Rhiannon now and takes a seat next to Violet. I clench my jaw, forcing myself to act like I don’t care. But I do care. I care so much about her. Falling in love with her just felt so natural, like I was always meant to be. 

But I guess for her it wasn’t the same. She had said it was all just fun. My reputation preceded me, and that’s all she was using me for. It doesn’t help that Tyvon kissed me and proved her right too. 

I watch as Aetos and Violet peer over a translation together. As much as I hate and blame the guy right now, maybe he is better for her. Tall, handsome, squeaky clean Codex-loving son of a quite literal bitch. He’s more like Mairi than I am for sure, and he can have her if that’s what she’s looking for.

I flip the book before me open with a thud and Rhi flashes a glare at me as she sits in front of me. I shrug back at her, and she looks between me and Aetos.

“Alright Gamlyn, let’s go.” She stands out of her seat and nods her head towards the aisle of bookshelves to our left. 

I internally groan and roll my eyes, but she widens her eyes threateningly at me and I stand. I sigh, and if I could stomp my way over while following her I would. 

“What in Dunne’s name do you think you’re doing? Did you want to push her into the arms of Aetos? Because I just found her crying in them.” She hisses at me, gesturing with her hands wildly. 

I grumble to myself, of course she fucking did. He seems to be her go to rebound. 

“She’s better off with him anyways. I could never measure up.” I half mutter to myself leaning back against the bookshelf. 

She crosses her arms, glaring at me. “Since when are you concerned with how you measure up to other people? You’re the most confident and cocky rider I know and you never care about what other people think?”

That was true, until I cared about Isla.

“I don’t know! But it’s clear that she can just replace one rider with another. It took her twenty seconds to fall back into the arms of Aetos, quite literally.” I point towards Aetos and see him turn his head, his sharp jaw catching the glimmer of the mage light. 

I remember pushing through the crowd of delirious cadets and seeing her in his arms. They looked just perfect, like a scene out of a fairytale, and I was no Prince Charming.

Rhi raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, and quite literally that’s all that was… until you made her cry .” 

“Hey, she’s the one that said we were just having a bit of fun. I just followed her lead and if that upset her then that’s on her.” I put my hands up, and lean back against the bookshelf.

Rhiannon shifts her weight to one foot and scoffs. “I can’t imagine a world where that girl left everything she knew and ran away with you to join a revolution and then said, ‘it was just a bit of fun’.” She gives me a pointed look, I shift my weight, revealing my guilty conscience. “Ridoc Gamlyn, do you want to start from the beginning and tell me what really happened?” 

I couldn’t help but complete my part as an admonished schoolboy getting scolded, I looked down at my feet kicking at nothing in particular. “Tyvon kissed me, in the foyer when everyone was celebrating, and… I didn’t stop him.”

Rhi somehow rolls her eyes without actually doing it, and her head falls to one side in a disappointed head tilt. “Ridoc, you seriously did not? Do you remember how you chased and pined after this girl for months and we had to all hear about it. And then you got her and suddenly Tyvon gives you one lick of attention and you forget all that?”

I groan, rolling my head back against the stacks. She’s partially right. I got caught up in the celebratory mood. And Tyvon, now a Lieutenant, hadn’t seen me in months and had no idea about me and Isla. I was gearing up to telling Isla that I love her and that scared the shit out of me. 

She had a sort of sadness about her, I knew it. I saw it when she’d clearly be thinking about something else in the middle of class. Or, when she’d very obviously have an overly emotional reaction to something like when I found her crying with Brennan in his study. I knew it wasn’t just about me, and that scared the shit out of me too. 

So I was a little insecure, defensive, because what if I loved her, but to her I was only a replacement for him?  

I’m an idiot. I blew things up rather than just talking to her. I pushed her away when she saw the first chance to run instead of holding her tight and telling her how I felt.

But maybe I was right all along. Because Rhi just confirmed that she’d gone to Aetos. Did I just dodge a bullet, or lose the love of my life?

I’m silent for too long and Rhi shoves my shoulder, bringing my attention back to her. “What’s this really about Gamlyn? Because you’re not telling me you’re really jealous of that Codex-obsessed square?”

Her jab at Aetos makes me snort and does have an effect on making me feel slightly better. I sigh, dropping my shoulders and sliding further down the bookshelf. “It’s not about Aetos. It’s Mairi.”

Her face softens, and her stance becomes less offensive towards me. “Liam? They were together? She healed him, after Barlow, right?”

I blow out a sigh, “Yeah, they were. I don’t know when it started or too many details-” I cock my head to the side, cutting myself off. “Actually, I know too many certain details.” I wince, thinking about that night of the Reunification Day Celebration. Rhi raises an eyebrow at me in question. “But anyways , she was pretty torn up about it. And she never told me about them, but I felt like maybe she was just trying to find a replacement, someone to make her feel better. And I know I have an easy reputation,” Rhi narrows her gaze at me, I continue. “And I made her laugh. But at the first sign of trouble she was gone, and maybe she decided Mr. Codex fits the bill better than I do. I know they hooked up at least once before her and I got together anyway.”

Rhi crosses her arms, leaning back into the shelf behind her as well. “That’s a lot, Gamlyn. But did you ever talk to her about any of this?”

I sigh, considering her question. 

No. I never talked to her about how I felt. I told her she could talk to me any time she wanted about whatever happened with her and Liam, but she never did. I didn’t want to pry by asking, and a part of me didn’t want to know. I already knew too much. The sound of them having sex always in the back of my mind when we were together. 

It was stupid. I was jealous and insecure over a ghost. 

I had her. And I still don’t understand how it all ended in less than five minutes.

“No. And I really don’t feel like talking anymore. We have work to do.” I shrug over towards where more people join our table. Even Cat, Marren, and Trager are joining us. Sawyer, at one end of the table, is being useless while staring at Jesinia as she peers over a journal. 

Watching them instantly makes me miss Isla.

Rhiannon follows my gaze and sighs. We head back towards the group and I take a seat back down at the tables, diagonal from where Violet and Aetos sit. Violet looks up at me, giving me a nod in question as if to ask ‘ everything alright?’

I nod noncommittedly in return. Aetos looks up, and follows Violet’s gaze. He has the nerve to shoot me a glare. As if I’m the one that just stole his girlfriend. 

I scoff as he looks away, I want to tell him ‘good luck babe, she’s yours.’

Isla 

I wake up the next morning, my head pounding and I’m slightly dazed. My room looks backwards when I open my eyes, and that’s when I realize it’s because it’s Brielle’s room. The events of last night come rushing back to me. 

Ridoc kissing Tyvon. Our fight. 

Dain catching me. Ridoc finding us. 

Dain reading my memories. 

Me, left alone.

After Dain left with Rhiannon I went to bed, but of course, I couldn’t hide from Brielle when we shared a bathroom. We laid in her bed and I told her everything through a few more tears. She broke out her secret stash of sweets and wine and we fell asleep giggling and tipsy in her bed. 

She lays fast asleep still, curled up at the bottom of her own bed as I lay at the head, wrappers and cork between us.

There’s a faint knocking, but it’s too faint to be coming from Brielle’s own door. I sit up, looking down the hall that is our connecting bathroom, the doors open on both ends. The knocking is coming from my room. 

I hop out of bed, smoothing down my hair, trying to make myself look somewhat presentable. My make up is non-existent, all cried off, and I’m still wearing last night’s clothes. I grip on to the door for support as I open it, my head whirls with a hangover.

I’m thoroughly surprised to find a pair of bright green eyes standing before me as I swing the door open.

“Aaric?” My voice croaks with my morning tiredness and confusion. He holds a small bouquet of white flowers, snowdrops. 

My heart briefly clenches, has Aaric been sent on an apology delivery from Ridoc?

He smiles, “Good morning, sorry to wake you Cadet Blair. But I was sent with a delivery for you.” He hands me the bouquet, and there’s a small note attached with my name on it. It’s not written in Ridoc’s handwriting.

No. Not Ridoc. 

Ridoc would have sent Sawyer.

I open the note and begin reading, 

Isla, 

Sorry I couldn’t see you this morning, I had a meeting. But I wanted to make sure you woke up with a smile. Snowdrops represent hope and rebirth, and I hope you continue on your journey with a fresh start. I’ll always be a friend to you whenever you need. I’ll come find you tonight if you have the time.

Your Friend,

Cadet Dain Aetos

A warmth spreads through my chest, and I have to clear my throat to prevent myself from tearing up again. Aaric stands before me, completely unbothered, and waiting for me to dismiss him.

“Thank you, Aaric, for getting up so early to deliver these. I’ll tell your wingleader to give you a day off.” I try to joke but nausea boils up within me. The alcohol and sugar in my stomach threatens to make its way onto Aaric’s crisp black uniform.

He looks down at the note in my hands and back to my face. “ Err- It’s almost eleven o’clock. But, you’re welcome.”

I mutter a swear, and swallow down my nausea. 

He chuckles, “Don’t worry, most of the House that wasn’t summoned slept in because of last night. Cadet Aetos went to meet with the rest of the Assembly outside of Aretia. They’ll be back this evening… if all goes well.” He adds in a foreboding tone. 

I raise an eyebrow at him. “ Outside of Aretia?” 

For the love of Dunne, another battle? I guess the celebration of last night was short-lived, this place never sleeps. Although why else would Dain need to spend more time researching in the library with Violet after a victory. 

He swallows, considering his next words. “I heard they’re meeting with Melgren. We won a battle, but certainly not the war.” He straightens his tall frame, and I’m suddenly reminded that my little dramas pale in significance towards this place.

“Right. Well I better check in with the healers then. Thank you, again, Aaric.”

He gives me a slight bow, and I don’t think even Dain has the proper manners of this rider in front of me. “Of course. Nice to see you again, Cadet Blair.” He smiles, and turns on one heel, his walk having an almost air of arrogance but it’s a bit more so… regal.  

I close the door, and head to find something to put these flowers in before I go wake up Brielle.

Thankfully, for me at least, there’s work to be done in the infirmary after last night’s events. Ridoc and I weren’t the only ones fighting, an inevitable squirmish occurred between a few riders and fliers. 

Bri and I got such a late start today we stay in the infirmary well into the evening. But even she leaves with her new flier acquaintance before I do. I make my rounds in circles, the work keeping me busy and not allowing me to dwell on how things ended between Ridoc and I. 

I still don’t understand it fully.

It must be past eight o’clock when Dain finally walks into the infirmary. He looks windswept and… handsome.

I, on the other hand, must look the same way I feel. A mess.

He smiles down at me as he approaches all the same. “Hey, did you get my delivery?”

I pull my apron off over my head, hiding my blush. “I did. Although I think making First Year’s your personal delivery boys might be a slight abuse of your wingleader status.”

He laughs, genuinely.

“How are you? You look…” He trails off as he cups my face with his palm. His hand feels cool to my flushed face after working all day. He reconsiders his words as his gaze slides over my face. I look terrible, dehydrated and sad, I know. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, “I should be saying the same to you. You’ve spent all day, where exactly?”

He drops his hand and we head towards the double doors leading out of the infirmary. A day ago, if you’d told me I’d be so friendly with Dain Aetos I would have told you you’d gotten the wrong man. But now I fall into step beside him as we head towards the kitchens. Formal dinner ended an hour ago, we’ll have to fend for ourselves.

“I’ll tell you about it, but it seems we have a deadline until the next altercation.”

I let his statement hang in the air as we walk through the halls and pass the infamous Iron Squad along with Jesinia, probably on their way to the library. Dain nods towards them, Rhiannon nodding back in understanding, and Ridoc doesn’t meet our eyes but looks like he wants to flip us off.

I open my mouth once they’re out of hearing range. “You don’t have to stay with me. You can join them now if you want. I know your work is important.” 

He catches my elbow slightly and we stop walking. He faces me, “We’re friends, right? You’re important to me too.” 

I feel as if my arm is tingling from where his fingers have a hold on my elbow. I’m holding my breath. 

Boundaries.

I need them.

“And so is eating.” He adds when I’m silent for a moment too long. We approach the doors to the kitchen and he holds one open for me, “Shall we?” He motions me through the door and the smell of spices greets us. 

Spice. Cloves. Ridoc.

“Yes, we shall.”

Chapter Text

Isla

“I’ll come back for you, okay? Once we guarantee the safety of the wardstone.”

I can’t help but mock him for his serious stance he takes before me now. He’s in wingleader mode and needs to be taken down a notch.

“Okay thanks, flyboy.” I tease, giving him a slight shove on the shoulder. He smirks and wraps a one armed hug around my shoulders. He pulls me into him and plants a light kiss on the top of my head.

In a world of boys he’s a gentleman. 

I grip him back quickly, and slightly push him back not a moment too soon before anyone can notice our embrace. Over the past few weeks we’d become… friendly… friends? 

He’d gotten into the habit of walking me to breakfast after his early morning meetings or other wingleader type duties. On evening’s I wasn’t studying with Brennan and he wasn’t researching with Violet, and the others, we studied together in an empty classroom somewhere.

We shared embraces, sat too close for just acquaintances, and he kisses my forehead or the top of my head sometimes like a child. 

We both were naturally touchy people. Him, because of his signet, me, because I’d grown accustomed to it with Ridoc. And old habits die screaming. 

He was familiar, he was safe. We were friends. And it was nice to have someone just to hold onto during these trying times. 

He gives me a tight smile, “Take care of yourself, Isla.” 

I don’t return his smile, I don’t like goodbyes. I stand on my tip toes and plant a quick kiss on his stubbled cheek. He freezes. It’s the first time I’ve kissed him since that night in the study. 

“You too, Dain.” 

“Twenty seconds and you already found my replacement.”

Ridoc said some things that I can’t unabsorb, they stick with me. As does the vision of his lips on Tyvon Varen’s. I take a step back out of Dain’s reach. He gives me a more genuine smile, and his eyes narrow just a tiny bit before he turns towards the hill to hike up to the valley. 

Boundaries. 

I need them.

I really need to learn how to be alone. Maybe with all the riders being gone, and me remaining in Aretia for a while will resolve that. 

I’m lost in my downward thought spiral and end up back inside Riorson House before I realize I’m still holding the medipacks that were meant for Dain to hand out to his squad. 

Shit.

I turn back and break into a steady trot to catch up with him. 

Ridoc 

“There you are, Dain. I thought you might be late for once in your life.” Violet calls as the son of a bitch approaches us on the way up to the valley.

He sets that sharp jaw of his, “Sorry, just saying some quick goodbyes.”

“Huh, is that what you call fucking my ex.” I chirp out, snarkily. I watched as he embraced Isla and she kissed him . Well, kissed his cheek, but who the fuck cares.

Violet’s jaw drops, and Rhiannon swats my arm on my other side. 

He doesn’t miss a beat, “Not that it’s any of your business, Gamlyn. You made sure of that. But forgive me for cleaning up the mess you made .”

It’s been weeks. But I can’t say it doesn’t bug me that he’s insinuating that he and Isla sleeping together could be a possibility. I don’t want her, but I hate to think about her with somebody else. The thought of her hands up in the hair of somebody in darkness makes me want to vomit. 

I intake a breath to confront Aetos. “That I made? You know she’s just using you right? This is what she does, hopping from one rider to the next.”

He steps closer to me now, his face inches away from mine. He’s not that tall but he’s still taller than me. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He practically growls out the words, but he doesn’t intimidate me. I continue to pin him with a glare.

“Break it up, Cadets. Save it for the Venin.” Xaden calls as he strides out of Riorson House towards us, Brennan at his side. They both have their gazes narrowed in on us . I knew Brennan had a soft spot for Isla, but I didn’t think Xaden really knew she existed. Although there was that one time when Brennan broke his nose…

Good to see you, Isla.

Could Riorson and Isla have a past that I don’t know about? Does Violet know anything? I quickly glance at Violet at my side but her focus is now on her brother and her boyfriend approaching us. Her face doesn’t reveal anything to me.

Thankfully, the Lieutenant Colonel Asshole breaks me out of my downward thought spiral.

“I don’t think you want to sit this one out in the infirmary, now, do you Gamlyn? Considering recent events.” Brennan snidely throws the comment my way. I see even Riorson’s gaze has narrowed on me . 

Why me? When Riorson is notorious for feuding with Aetos, and they’re siding with him? This further confirms my suspicions. I already know Brennan and Isla are close, but there’s something up between Isla and Xaden. Or at least, there was. 

My mind betrays me and the face of that somebody in darkness with Isla’s hands through their hair could be Dain or Brennan or Liam or now even Xaden. I think I might actually be sick, or about to punch someone. 

“We can have some fun in the air if you’d like? Though Sgaeyl will eat us for lunch.” Aotrom suggests.  

Violet throws a questionable look between her brother and me before walking off with Xaden, leaving me with Aetos. 

We both exchange glares before turning to follow the rest of the squad up the hill. That is until I hear a familiar voice calling his name , not mine. The sound is like somebody dropped a brick in my stomach.

“Wait!” 

Aetos and I both turn around at the sound. Isla is a painfully beautiful flutter of blue, jogging up the hill to meet us. Her face flushed in the crisp December air and her dark curls a stark contrast to the white landscape. 

Dain starts to meet her halfway and I reflexively follow a half step behind him.

She catches her breath and briefly flashes her gaze from Aetos to me and back. “Dain, I forgot to give you these,” she hesitates, and the way she’s breathing hard brings back other memories I’d prefer not to think of. “And I guess… one is for you too, Ridoc.” She extends one hand out to me, holding the medipack. 

Aetos works to get the rest out of her arms but she holds onto one reserved for me. “You should get back inside, Isla. It’s freezing out here.” He nods back towards Riorson House. 

I want to tell him to fuck off. I want to tell him she can do whatever she wants and it’s not his job to worry about her or take care of her. But I’m reminded it’s not my job either.

She gives him a half smile, “Thanks I-” she stops herself short, our gazes colliding briefly. “I’ll see you when you get back.” She seems to change her direction and subtly dismisses him. 

Instead of kissing her goodbye again or touching her in any way, he nods towards her. She hangs onto one medipack, and he’s gotten the hint. He leaves us alone. 

Her beauty has diffused my anger no matter how tight I tried to hold onto it. I keep reminding myself, she broke my heart. She’ll do it again. And if she really wants to break my cold, cold heart, she’ll tell me she loved me. 

Loved. Past tense. She loved me the way that I was. Before this bitter jealousy took hold of me.

She doesn’t directly meet my eye. Without a word I take the medipack from her slightly outstretched hand. She has to stop herself from jerking her hand back when our fingers brush.

I can’t help it, I need to know.

“So, you’re really with Aetos, of all people, Isla?” I try not to make the question come out bitterly, but I am bitter. She has to know by now his involvement in Liam’s death. But the thought of her being upset by that fact isn’t reassuring either.

Her opal eyes narrow immediately, and her entire demeanor changes. 

“It’s not any of your business, Ridoc. And you lost the right to know when you kissed Tyvon Varen. So what if we’re friends? So what if we’re together? You brought me here, then dumped me when you didn’t need me anymore. Besides Bri, all of my friends were really just acquaintances that were your friends. So he’s one of the only other people I have.”

I notice that she purposely avoided the question, and deflected the blame back on me. There she goes again, taking zero accountability and giving me convenient non-answers. The anger works it’s way back up my spine.

I feel my mouth slide into a sarcastic sneer, “And here I was thinking you dumped me.”

It’s true, she ran. She said we weren’t serious. Now she wants to play victim as if she wasn’t the one to also push me away.

I ran after her. 

And she ran to Aetos. 

Fuck that.

“I don’t really care what you think, Ridoc. Good luck on your mission. Try not to get injured, because I won’t be the one healing you and you’ll likely end up with a scar.” She sneers back at me, and her icy blue eyes pierce new holes in my heart.

I grip my hands at my sides. “Are you really bragging about your own skill set while saying goodbye?”

But she’s not saying goodbye is she? And I hate that I want her to. I hate that I still want her to say goodbye to me and more just like she did with Aetos as I watched.

She scoffs, “Call it what you want, Ridoc. I really just don’t want to speak to you.” She turns on one heel and heads back towards Riorson House. 

I turn around to find Brennan and Xaden not so subtly watching back up the hill. They both give me varying questionable looks before turning around, pretending like they weren’t just spying on us. Oh well. They can ask me questions if we live through this battle. 

The snow creaks under my boots as I climb up the hill and for the first time since I manifested my signet, I feel slightly cold. Or maybe that’s just the love between us that has gone cold. I remind myself that I should be getting over it, getting over her. Maybe if I don’t make it through this battle, I won’t have to.