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Chapter Text

Rin was used to coming home to an empty house.

 He should be by now, after years of the suffocating silence and emptiness present with him in the house everyday, when he returned home from school or soccer practice, years to familiarise and get used to the soul crushing feeling.

So when he finally stepped foot in the strange place he called “home”, he wasn’t surprised when he was greeted by a grand total of zero people.

At least he had finally escaped that hell on earth…if he stayed in that hideous blue building for a day longer, he may have lost it. Precisely on the one named Isagi Yoichi or a certain annoying ugly roach, he couldn’t help but scoff to himself as he took a moment to inspect the house that he hasn’t been in for a quite a number of months now.

Whatever, he wasn’t going to spend time mulling over the past when he could be getting better in the present, to finally crush nii-cha – Sae Itoshi, and Isagi Yoichi. Even thinking about their names was enough to irritate him.

With a newly acquired scowl on his face, Rin slipped off his shoes, not bothering to call out a greeting, not like there was anyone waiting for him anyway.

His parents were probably preoccupied with work, as always. Not like he cares.

As he enters the strangely cold living room, Rin thinks he could be going insane after being trapped with other, rowdy, lukewarm losers in a building for a few months, but he as he blinks a few times in confusion, staring back at the living room – still empty of course – he thinks it’s cleaner than it should be.

His parents aren’t home often, that’s a given fact. So it’s normal for dust to accumulate, unless Rin himself goes to dust the place in their stead obviously, but he hasn’t been home in months, yet their shelves look absolutely pristine, not a trace of dust to be seen.

Rin hesitates momentarily before he stalks further into the house, and maybe, he has consumed too many horror movies and other horror-related content, because suddenly, the house feels ten times creepier than before. The shadows seem to have magically grown in size, and the noise in the house seems to have amplified as well, making sure that Rin was hyper aware of every little creaking sound in the house.

Now that he has noticed this, he can’t shake off the feeling of dread that has washed over him, call him paranoid or whatever, but he can’t help but feel…anxious about this new observation, sue him for being cautious. 

He heads to the hallway, a new sense of urgency and rush in his steps.

Stop being such a wimp, it’s probably nothing, Rin mentally berates himself while checking out the rest of the house with an impassive expression barely plastered on his face, trying to get rid of the uneasiness that has clawed its way up his throat, making his heart pump just a tad faster and louder.

He ignores the feeling of dread, brushing it off, before speed walking over to the stairs, heading straight to his room.

It’s probably nothing. He tells himself again, finally shutting the door of his bedroom behind him, and embarrassingly enough, relief crashes into him almost instantly, now that he’s in the safety of his own room. Not that he would ever admit it.

***

By afternoon, because that lanky four-eyed bastard had for some reason decided to let them saunter back to their homes at six in the morning after having tortured them for months straight, Rin was decidedly, bored.

He didn’t have anything to do, besides practice soccer, but even the thought of soccer currently was rather…displeasing, after the recent U-20 match, and it doesn’t help that it’s raining out either.

He didn’t really have any friends to hang out with, and he has enough humility to admit that that was definitely on him, but it wasn’t like he needed friends, nor wanted them anyway.

So after a few more minutes in silence, staring up blankly at the chipping paint on his ceiling. Rin finally pushed himself up from his bed, with a newly found resolution to do something worthwhile with his time, rather than just rotting in bed.

Maybe he should go on a walk in the rain, he used to really like doing that(with Sae), back then. Or should he clean the house? He’s almost certain that the fridge has no food, or at least edible ones, since again, his parents treated their workplace more like their home than their actual one.

He could stop by the grocery store on his walk and get some much needed ingredients. He’s always been good at cooking, surprisingly.

***

It’s late in the afternoon when Rin gets back. His footsteps are quiet against the wooden floors as he hauls the bags of groceries to the kitchen to unpack and put away. 

He doesn’t know if the haunting silence of the house is a good thing, as he opens the fridge with a practiced motion, body moving on autopilot as he cleans out the fridge, replacing the items inside with fresher ones.

As soon as he finishes putting away the groceries, he pulls out his phone from his pocket. 

No notifications, there isn’t anything new at all. No new horror movies, or soccer matches. He’s just stuck in his house then.

The downpour outside was getting heavier now, and Rin’s sure if he even stepped foot outside now, he would end up drenched from head to toe.

Resigned, he begrudgingly trudges upstairs. If only the rain would let up, he could get rid of the excess energy bundling up inside him that is begging to be used, making him feel restless.

With nothing else to do, he accepts his fate of having to just stay in bed all day. 

Rin flops down onto the soft cushion of the mattress after taking a shower. 

With nothing else to distract him from his own mind, his thoughts race as he has a staring contest with the unmoving, dull-looking ceiling above him.

Now that he has time to think about it and reflect, he can’t help but note the many things he could have done better, how he could improve – to have Sae finally acknowledge him after that night – okay, not going there. 

He gritted his teeth as he rolled over onto his side. Rin tries to empty his brain, leaving it totally blank so there’s no room for any wandering thoughts.

But against his will, his traitorous brain still decides to have his thoughts drift to Sae anyway, without him even realising it. 

Rin shifted uncomfortably from his position in his bed, fists unconsciously curling in on themselves.

His thoughts were heading in a very dangerous direction, yet he could only lie there as his mind betrayed him.

Things like the harsh words his brother spat at him, before turning on his heel, leaving Rin alone, much colder and hollower than before. His back facing Rin as he slowly got further and further and further–

Did his brother really mean those words back on that snowy night? Did he really not need Rin in his life anymore? Was Rin not good enough? Was –

He somehow caught himself before he could fully spiral, letting out a sharp exhale as he realised just what he was thinking about. How lukewarm. A part of him sneered at himself, but he shut the voice out as quickly as it came.

 Better to not think about this. Nothing ever good comes from thinking about him. 

Turning onto his other side, Rin throws the blanket over himself, deciding to go to sleep even though it was nearing evening already. He squirms a bit more, until he finally finds the right position, eyes fluttering shut. 

As Rin drifts off to sleep, he thinks that maybe, the distracting loud noises and voices that constantly echoed  through the halls of Blue Lock were a bit better compared to the suffocatingly cold silence of the empty house.

***

Rin doesn’t wake up until almost one in the morning.

The thing that rouses him from his deep slumber isn’t an alarm, or a blaringly loud notification from his phone that was set away on his night desk.

No, it’s the annoying sounds of shuffling and clattering from downstairs. 

Rin groans as he pulls his pillow over his head, trying to use it to muffle and drown out the sounds of the person making a ruckus downstairs.

It doesn’t work.

Fed up and half-wake, Rin decides to get up and yell at whoever was interrupting his beauty-sleep, he also has half the mind to strangle them with his own two hands so they stay quiet.

What kind of inconsiderate, self-centered fool decides to make this much noise at what – one in the morning? 

He scowls to himself as he frees himself from his self-imposed blanket prison to look at the time on his phone through bleary eyes.

Wait. Person? 

Rin freezes, dread crawling up his spine as he sits up straighter than before. Any trace of sleepiness is gone from his eyes as he cautiously looks to his door. Eyes wide in alarm. 

As far as he knows, he’s the only one home. And he sure as hell isn’t in that imitation of a prison anymore, sharing the place with other soccer players with their tepid and lukewarm views and ambitions. 

So who was making all that fuss downstairs?

Straining his ears, he tries to listen for any other noise, a voice maybe - so he can pinpoint who exactly was in his house. 

After a few beats of silence, he frowns. Maybe it’s his parents? Though the time currently isn’t even remotely close to the time they would usually come home, he hasn’t been home in months, maybe they have started spending less time in their workplace for a change. 

It’s sounds like a joke, to Rin at least. But that thought was infinitely more comforting than the idea of someone breaking into his house as he’s home alone. Rin may be 6’1 and all muscle, but he rather not have anyone coming into his place uninvited.

With that, he wearily gets up from the warm soothing comfort of his bed, to go and check out the sounds coming from downstairs.

Rin’s almost irritated that he has to lose the warmth his blankets provide him, to go out and check out some weird noises from downstairs because of his own paranoia, but regardless, he moves over to his door in slow, lethargic steps to head down.

If it truly was his parents making all that commotion downstairs, he might not be able to hold back from throttling them.

***

As he takes slow, deliberate steps down the stairs, he can see the lights on in the kitchen. 

His heart almost gets caught in his throat as he takes another step down. And Rin shouldn’t be scared, yet here he is, hesitating to go and see whoever was in the kitchen. 

As he starts to hear the rush of blood in his ears, he logically reasons that a thief wouldn’t go to a kitchen if they were robbing the place. What would they steal from there anyway? A spatula? (The traitorous part of his mind makes itself known again as it whispers that the robber could possibly be raiding the kitchen for a weapon to use against him. He ignores it as usual.)

He’s still tense as he makes his way nearer to the kitchen, trying to have his footsteps to be as quiet as possible, like a little kid trying to sneak into the kitchen late at night because they were hungry.

This is stupid. Rin thinks to himself with furrowed brows. He’s approaching, eyes squinted as they adjust to the painfully bright lights of his kitchen. 

He’s just shy of stepping into the area before finally catching a glimpse of a figure, casually rummaging through the fridge, back turned to him.

What?

Rin immediately stills. Mind skidding to a halt as his breath hitches. The only thing he is able to do right now is gape openly as his brain tries to catch up with what – who – he was seeing, standing in front of him.

Even with the figures back turned to him, he could still recognise who it was, how could he not? 

Sae turns around, popsicle in hand – the one Rin had bought just a few hours ago after fighting the rain for god knows how long – and if he’s surprised from seeing Rin standing, as still as a statue before him, it didn’t show on his face.

The brownish red hair was a dead giveaway. And Rin thinks he’s still dreaming, because why was his –  why was Sae right in front of him, when he should have been back in Spain as soon as the U-20 match ended?

What the hell? 

Was this some kind of crude joke the universe was playing on him? Some kind of poor attempt at a prank? Has Rin finally lost it after tirelessly chasing after his brother, and his acknowledgement for years?

As Sae blinks at him - a very much real one, as if mocking him. The silence between the two itoshi hangs awkwardly in the air for a few moments longer as Rin tries to get his bearings together.

He pinches himself, once, to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The dull sting from the pressure confirms he isn’t still in lala land.

And a second time to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. 

“Oh.” Is the only thing his brother says.

Yeah, “Oh,”. Rin repeats, in his head.

Chapter Text

There was a time where Sae would ruffle Rin’s hair, buy him popsicles, laugh with him, play with him, take care of him and smile gently at him. Rin used to admire his brother, everything he would do, Rin would too. He would follow Sae around like a baby duckling, always trailing behind, and imitating him. 

When you saw Sae, Rin would be right around the corner, always somewhere close behind. Well,  before Spain. When Sae left, everything changed, Rin was no longer a few steps behind, rather miles apart, half-way across the world.  

So with Sae just standing mere inches away from him, Rin felt as if he was locked into another memory – memories of sneaking into the kitchen at night because Rin was hungry – their late night escapades, except they were both taller now, older. And their relationship has been torn into shreds. 

It’s silent for a few moments longer, until Rin breaks the tense, awkward silence by very eloquently blurting out, “What the fuck?” 

The look he receives from Sae in return is almost comical, by Sae standards at least. His brother’s eyebrows are subtly furrowed as he hears the curse tumble out from Rin’s mouth, face slightly twisted into some kind of scrunched expression that anyone else would have missed – disapproving, Rin’s mind supplies.

“Don’t curse, it’s a sign of poor vocabulary.” His hands moved to open the wrapper of the popsicle.

“What – forget poor vocabulary, what the hell are you doing here?!” Rin splutters, trying to get a grasp on the fact his brother, the same one who left home for four years, the same one which completely destroyed Rin inside out as soon as he got back, was casually eating a popsicle in his kitchen of all places, talking to him like nothing ever happened.

“I live here.”

“You–!” Deep breathes, he has to remind himself, before he completely loses his cool. Frustration boiling over, ready to bring down everything around along with himself. 

But seeing as Sae raised an eyebrow, almost condescendingly, he might reconsider plummeting his brother into the ground.

It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it, It’snotworthit–

He has never had good self restraint when it comes to his mouth anyway. If it were anyone else, his face would have heated up, flushing red with embarrassment from the way he was openly gaping like a fish.

“You are supposed to be back in Spain by now. So why haven’t you hauled your ass back there yet?” Rin grits out, face twisted into an ugly glare. His whole body was tense as he tried to shove his shock under a carefully curated layer of nonchalance and calm. 

Sae didn’t even blink as he unwrapped the popsicle from its wrapper, popping it in his mouth. 

“Mom and dad called me home, to take care of you.”

Huh?

What was he talking about? Sae? Take care? Of Rin?

The words coming out of the older brother's mouth sound like complete gibberish to Rin for a second, voice blurring together, compacting into one, big heap of complete nonsense. It's laughable, Sae. Take care of Rin, after he basically disowned him as a brother? The universe really had something against him today. 

To me you're just an eyesore, pain-in-the-ass little brother. 

Piss off, Rin.

You’re not necessary in my life anymore.

Don’t make me puke.

Defective product.

….is Isagi Yoichi.

After all the things he said to Rin, after he completely embarrassed him? Fat chance. Ignoring the feeling of something dangerously close to yearning pooling in his gut, he pays it no mind as he fixes his brother with a burning glare.

“Hah? What the hell are you talking about? Do you even hear yourself right now?” Rin almost laughs at the sheer absurdity of it. 

He clenched his fist tighter, anger burning in his eyes as he stared at his brother, whose expression was still as stoic as ever as he looked back at Rin, with his equally piercing eyes. 

The ones that Rin himself has seen in the mirror so many times, in his dreams, in his nightmares– now though? They were looking at Rin like he was just another person on the streets, just another player, another opponent to completely run into the ground with no mercy, not his younger brother.

It made him sick.

Somehow, Sae’s eyes feel colder than any winter night, yet his gaze burns a hole through Rin’s face. His stare alone made him feel like he was being crushed slowly under excruciatingly heavy weight. Leaving Rin exposed and vulnerable, two words that should never be used to describe him. It didn’t make sense, despite being taller than Sae, thanks to the few extra inches of height he had gained over the course of the years Sae was in Spain, he felt unexplainably small under his brother’s eyes. 

Shaking off the feeling, whatever it was – Rin fixed his posture, standing straighter, trying to make himself bigger. “So? Are you going to explain yourself?” You sure seem to have had a lot to say that night, Rin seethed inwardly, but he doesn’t voice out the thought.

“Stop throwing a tantrum first, then I’ll explain. I thought you knew better than that by now, you’re sixteen.” Sae replied coolly, not missing a beat, before putting that damn popsicle back in his mouth. Arms crossing over his chest like he was dealing with some bratty snotty kid. 

“Excuse me? The last time I’ve seen or talked to you was in the middle of the U-20s. You didn’t even ask how I was doing!” He retorted, anger coiling up like a spring, ready to explode. Leave it to his shitty big brother to praise some half-baked NPC instead of checking up on him. 

“You’re a real piece of work you know? You didn’t even tell me in advance that you would be staying.”

Silence.

Frustration simmering, Rin presses on, already at the end of his wits. First he had to deal with the rain wetting his clothes, leaving him soaked and not to mention freezing. Now he had to deal with this? No thanks. He thinks that justified his more than foul mood. It’s not his fault that Sae got stuck with the short end of the stick and has to deal with it now.

“So you’re telling me if I didn’t find you digging through the fridge like some raccoon, I wouldn't have found out until later when I found you prancing around the house?” His scowl deepened. Sae doesn’t even flinch, still blankly holding eye contact with him, face unreadable as usual. If Sae didn’t want to tell him anything, he would just pry the answers out of his brother himself. 

“You don’t get to march in here, like you own the place, after abandoning our dream.” After abandoning me.

At this, the cool exterior of his brother’s mask finally cracks a little, frustration leaking through. Sae narrows his eyes slightly, his jaw tight as he holds the popsicle in his left hand. The first real emotion he has seen his brother shown in the few minutes they have been standing in the kitchen, against his will or not. 

“Abandon our dream? Don’t make me laugh. You can still be the best striker, with or without me. Wake up, Rin. I didn’t abandon anything. I simply stopped being naive.” Sae’s cold voice cut through the silence, and through Rin’s chest too, straight through his heart.

Way to hit where it hurts, Rin thinks briefly, before his brain actually caught up with what Sae was saying. And maybe it’s his fault for bringing it up in the first place, but it still shocks him into shutting up, his eyes widening, eyebrows shooting up as he falters. Because regardless of how much he convinced himself, the hurt was still there, and very much real.  

There it was again. That detached tone, with an equally as indifferent glare. Trapping Rin’s breath in his ribs, squeezing at his chest. Making his eyes burn. Suddenly he was back on that field, surrounded by white, matching the state of his head, his static filled ears–

No.

This was not happening again. Not if Rin could help it.

“You need to stop latching onto me–” 

The swirling mess of emotions were back – full force now, escaping from the confines where Rin had shackled them to, never to be thought about again. Until now, finally confronted with his estranged brother. The one he swore he would destroy. 

Rin didn’t let Sae finish his sentence before he turned around, and promptly left. He wasn’t going to let Sae turn his back on him again. He wasn’t going to let himself get utterly humiliated again, let all his dignity get absolutely stomped on. No. If anyone was going to leave, again, it would be Rin this time.

He wasn’t going to let himself be trampled over, not again. (He wouldn’t be able to take it)

Not him, not his adoration, not his trust. Not his heart.

He slammed the door shut.

***

As Rin flipped over in his bed, for the tenth time, he reluctantly let himself reflect on his brother’s words.

After today, his brother’s harsh words once again opened the wound he thought he had closed with rage and vengeance, the idea of beating his brother he had become so obsessed with.

But it's clear to him now. He never closed it, he had just preoccupied himself with other things, other feelings, to keep his mind off the festering wound. Because it was easier to turn everything into hate and contempt than deal with his feelings. 

Just another area where Rin wasn’t good enough in, too soft, too dramatic, too childish.

(Coward.) The voice at the back of his mind whispered.

What happened to you, nii-chan? 

A question Rin doesn’t think he’ll ever get the answer to. 

He thought after beating his brother, everything would go back to normal, they would be brothers again – he would finally be acknowledged, like he so badly wanted – craved. Instead, not only did he not get recognition from his brother at all, everything still remained frustratingly, the same. 

The anger was still running through his blood, thrumming under his skin, making its way throughout his body, filling everything with hot rage. Hatred still rooted itself deep into his flesh, his very being. And the longing, basically drowning him, so overbearingly much, it felt like he was under water, the feeling putting pressure on his chest, restricting his lungs – and in turn, turning his breaths shallow as he tried his best to stay afloat.  

As he shuts his eyes, curling into himself, he wonders. He doesn’t snap out of his thoughts, not when his palms were starting to hurt, fingernails etching half-crescent moons into his skin, to the point where they start bleeding a little.

Not necessary in your life anymore huh? How lukewarm. He thinks, expression eerily blank.

He thinks back to his brother’s empty eyes, his sharp, blunt words. Sae was never the type to hold back from speaking his mind, never afraid to hurt feelings, or be judged for his straightforwardness. 

He would never say things he didn’t mean. His brother didn’t see the point in sugar-coating things. 

There were so many examples of this, like the interviews on the pitch after a match, where Sae simply told them to mind their own business before walking away with Rin hand in hand.

People liked to call it a flaw, but Sae saw it as a strength, to be able to speak your thoughts without fear of judgement, to express your doubts and opinions without fear.  A weapon to be used against others, sharpened by his sharp eyes and monotone voice. 

And a little-Rin agreed with him. He thought his brother’s straightforwardness was funny, just another part of his brother to love and accept.

Until he experienced it first hand. His brother’s bluntness. 

Defective product. Eyesore. Pain in the ass.

He took a deep breath. Pulling the blankets closer around him, Rin tried to seek refuge in the warmth they provided. Yet the coldness never left, sapping away at his body heat, spreading like a disease from the middle of his chest, crawling up all the way to the tips of his fingers, down to every last tip of the strands of his hair. Leaving him numb and defenseless. 

Regardless of how hard he tried to scrub himself rid of the humiliation, the betrayal never left, leaving stinging rejection and raw hurt behind. 

***

The rays of sunlight filtered through Rin’s curtains, shining soft streaks of light into the dark room. The room was dead silent, with the exception of the hum of the air conditioner. 

Rin grumbled to himself as he shifted away from the light attacking his eyes, leaning his weight onto his other side to flip around, away from where the window was located. What’s the point in curtains if they let in sunlight anyway? 

He tightened the blankets around him, snuggling into the familiar comfort of it, lost in his own dreams. It’s been awhile since he could relax like this, the hard mattresses of blue lock did nothing to soothe his aching back, coupled with the rigorous training hours, it was in short – absolute hell.

Who thought of the bright idea of giving a bunch of mentally and physically drained teenagers scratchy blankets? Rin swears to himself he will make sure they never see the light of day again. Digging his face into the cool fabric of his pillow, he takes every moment to appreciate his wonderful bed, how he missed the simple luxury of having the privacy of a whole room to himself, with soft sheets to accompany it. 

Rin was barely aware of anything around him, all he could focus on was how warm and comfortable he was, the pure bliss he is experiencing right now was almost enough to make him forget about–

Oh yeah. Sae was home alone with Rin. Rin was stuck in the house with his deadbeat older brother until further notice. How sweet.

Although Rin was barely conscious, he feels himself suppress the urge to smother himself with his pillow. Of course this just had to happen to him of all people. Just living was such a hassle, he’d rather be six feet under right now. 

Begrudgingly, he sat up slowly from where he was wrapped up, blanket falling around him as he blinked the drowsiness away. Blindly reaching for his phone on his nightstand, he hears a thud as his hands feel around for the device, uncaring of the other items seated on the desk. He finally grabs his phone, squinting as the bright light from the device illuminated his face. 

It’s seven in the morning, he sleepily notes. Rin doesn’t know if Sae is awake yet, nor does he want to. But if he gets ready right now, he can reduce the stakes of bumping into the older. Only crazy people wake up this early in the morning on a Saturday. And frankly, Rin doesn’t want to have another soul shattering or awkward interaction with him again. 

With a sigh, he heaves himself out of bed, shuddering when his feet meet the unbearingly cool wooden floors of his room. He frowns as he checks his phone again, with his brain not being half-awake anymore, he notices the alarmingly low battery it’s on. Rin cursed underneath his breath – he forgot to plug it into a charger yesterday after his confrontation with Sae, how annoying. He ran a hand through his hair, fingers carding through the slight knots in his bed head as he made his way over to charge his phone. 

Rin’s frown only deepens when he pulls his door open without even having to turn the door handle. Strange, he slammed the door shut yesterday so it should’ve been closed properly. He files the information away in his brain to be reflected on at a later date, he doesn’t have the energy for this.  

The familiar silence of the house followed him as he approached the bathroom to get ready. It’s only Rin, and the sounds of his feet shuffling against the ground. Even with two occupants in the house now, the quietness of the building is still as pervasive as ever. There’s no sound of movement from anywhere else in the house at all, giving the impression of an empty home. 

It may as well be empty, it would be better that way. Rin can’t help but scoff to himself, pulling the bathroom door close behind him with a click.

.

.

.

His reflection greets him when he opens his eyes, face to face with the mirror. Rin was hunched over the sink, both hands gripping the edge of the sink to support his weight. Strands of dark hair were falling into his face from where he pushed them back. 

He had just finished up getting ready, having washed his face before catching his reflection in the mirror. Or more accurately, the reflection of his eyes. The same striking teal eyes both him and his brother shared. The thing that really tied the whole sibling situation together. 

Where Sae had brownish-red hair, Rin had a head of dark teal hair, making them look nothing alike when you looked at them from the back. 

The similarities only started appearing when you looked at their faces. Sae’s face was always controlled, showing only what he wished to, and even then, was objectively nothing. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking from his face, eyes not betraying even a hint of his inner thoughts, like a guarded wall, standing between the outside world and his mind.

Rin on the other hand, showed too many emotions through his eyes. They would light up in the past whenever Sae praised him – like a christmas tree. They would swirl with anger and hatred, and would be downcast whenever he was brooding. It used to annoy him that almost anybody could tell what he was feeling from just a quick glance at his eyes, to hell with that “eyes are the windows to your soul” shit he would grumble. 

Nevertheless, they were still one of the same. Their eyes were so alike, you couldn’t miss it, unfortunately for Rin. 

Never has he ever wanted to shatter a mirror into a million pieces more in his life. His grip on the sink tightened considerably as he tore his gaze away from the mirror, opting to look down at the drops of water leaking from the tap. 

I really do look like him…Somehow, the thought made something twist in his gut, be it disgust or whatever.

It doesn’t matter, Rin would destroy Sae, even if they had the same blood coursing through their veins. He’ll make sure of it. 

***

He was finishing up his daily meditation and yoga when he heard a loud crash that echoed through the house, shattering any semblance of peace that Rin had. The source? Probably that idiot brother of his. 

At first he ignored the loud sounds of pans clattering, something falling to the ground with a loud resounding ‘clang’, but after five minutes more with the commotion only showing signs of getting louder, he finally got up from his mat, presumably to yell at Sae to ‘shut the hell up’. 

As the closer the younger got to the kitchen, the more evident the smell of smoke became. Even Rin couldn’t help but start to feel anxiousness sink in, what could have possibly happened to cause this much of a mess? The loud clattering, and now smoke? Yeah no, Rin would very much like to keep both him and his brother alive. He needed Sae alive if he wanted to beat him after all. 

With this much smoke wafting through their house, the smell of smoke practically choking him and making his eyes tear up, it’s only natural to feel unease. He coughed, trying to use his hand to fan away the suffocating swirls and wisps of black smoke clogging his nostrils, restricting both his field of vision and his airways.

Using his shirt as a makeshift mask to cover his lower face, he carried on, braving the harsh fumes as he approached the kitchen with caution. This was definitely a new way of starting the day, though he isn’t sure if that was a good thing.

Finally seeing the outline of the kitchen, Rin all but ran towards it – before coming to an abrupt halt in his steps. 

What the hell?

By all means, Rin was partially impressed at the fact the fire alarm hadn’t gone off yet. Sae was standing over the stove, his shirt in his hands, hair messed up – like he had fought a bear, or in this case, just put out a fire. His usual composureness missing, from the way his eyes were slightly alarmed. He was still staring at the now blackened, burnt pan, like it was about to explode – again from the looks of it. 

If it weren’t for the fact half of the kitchen looked like it had been caught up in some bomb testing experiment, Rin would have snorted at the black smidge across Sae’s nose and cheek. Unfortunately for him, half his kitchen did in fact, seem to have been blown up, something tells him that that may not be far from the truth. 

Rin made haste to open all the windows in the house, coughing violently every five seconds while doing so. Irritation flared up in his chest, how the fuck did someone even manage this? Sae was already eighteen, yet somehow was still absolutely inept in the kitchen. How did he survive in Spain for all those years? Probably off of take-out and convenience stores.  

“What did you do.” Rin asked, more like a statement than a question as soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen again. Sae blinked, finally looking away from the ruined pan, now staring at him. 

Within seconds, the usual detachment and almost boredomness had quickly taken the place of the frizzled look from earlier, making him seem almost mechanical.

“I was cooking.” 

“And? The kitchen looks like it’s been raided. You’re telling me you caused all this by something as simple as cooking?” Rin raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. Maybe even slightly exasperated. 

It takes a few seconds longer than it should for Sae to answer just by simply nodding – like he was embarrassed. But Rin knows better, because this is Sae they were talking about, even if he had stripped naked in front of a crowd, he doubts that that jerk would feel embarrassed. 

As Rin takes a few steps closer to the pan, or what remained of it – he cringes at the sight. The whole kitchen was a disaster, pans on the floor with puddles of water, cooking utensils either strewn across the counter or joining with the rest of the mess on the ground. He could see the failed attempts before the health hazard he was holding – placed at the side, plates full of what seemed to be an attempt at an edible meal. 

It was pitiful honestly, Rin is careful as he gingerly lifts the pan to analyse the contents inside of it. Whatever Sae was hoping to achieve in making was now nothing more than a still smoking, piece of charred mush. 

“It’s not that bad…” Sae trailed off when he saw his brother’s deadpan glare pointed his way. 

“Not bad? You’re right, this is straight up terrible.”  Rin mutters, eyes flitting between the fridge and the pile of inedible ashes. He almost groans, he had just bought fresh ingredients. Now, they have all probably perished, having suffered the same fate as the thing in the pan he was currently holding. 

Sae only hums in response, unbothered by the jab. “I thought I improved.” He said, more to himself than Rin. The older Itoshi was now behind him, staring at the burnt experiment with slightly furrowed brows.

“You call this an improvement?” Rin asks, bewilderment colouring his voice as he looks at his brother. Absolutely horrifying. If this was what Sae deemed an upgrade, he can only imagine what kind of terrors his brother had created the last time he was in a kitchen. 

“Is it really that bad?”  

“Are you serious right now?” Sae is quiet, and Rin takes his silence as a yes. He pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling pressure building behind his temple.  Who could look at something that was burnt beyond recognition, which mind you – was supposed to be some type of food, and ask if it was decent? Rin doesn’t know whether to be amused or terrified.

“Go clean up, I’ll take over.” Sae looked like he was about to protest, but with one more cutting glare from Rin, he turned towards the staircase, trudging away to get a new set of clothes and to tidy up his appearance.

Rin was taking the leftover ingredients from the catastrophe out the fridge to begin making a simple meal – ochazuke, his favourite, but with salmon instead of his preferred sea bream because someone wasted it all - when Sae reappeared, sporting a brand new shirt and neatly styled hair. He began picking up the countless cooking utensils scattered around without a word. 

The two worked in silence for what seemed like eternity, the awkwardness between them was palpable, both of the brothers refusing to speak first. If Rin dumped out the mushy rice his brother had somehow messed up with more force than necessary, neither of them commented on it. 

“So, how’s…school?” Rin was getting ready to boil the green tea when Sae suddenly inquired, causing him to pause in his movements – glancing at Sae with an odd expression on his face. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he’s surprised at Sae’s cluelessness.

“I haven’t been to school for a few months now, because of Blue lock,” Rin turned around, “I thought that was obvious.” Sae – unaffected as always, continued to pick up the whirlwind of utensils on the ground. 

“I meant before Blue lock.” Rin twitched, clearly not expecting Sae to continue the conversation, leaving no room for him to just cook in silence, like he wanted. Biting back the urge to ignore his brother and stomp back up to his room, he forced a neutral expression onto his face, a poor imitation of the unbothered look he has seen on Sae’s face so many times. 

“It was fine.” A curt response, short and simple. Rin didn’t lift his gaze from the salmon he was preparing, movements fast and graceful — years of muscle memory from making the dish making his actions look seamless.

Sae was finished gathering all the astrayed kitchen tools, now awkwardly situated at the kitchen island, across from where Rin was, looking out of place. He opened his mouth again, “you didn’t fail any classes?”  

This time, Rin did glance at Sae, trying to check if he was making fun of him — but instead, he came face to face with the realisation he couldn’t read his brother at all anymore, where he could once previously still decipher a hint of what Sae was thinking, with difficulty — now, trying to read his expression seemed impossible.

His jaw flexed, looking back to the salmon fillet in his hands. “Unlike you, I at least made an effort to study,” Rin reached for the paper towels on his right. Only to be rewarded with a moderately hard smack across his head. 

He let out an undignified squawk of surprise, hands instinctively shooting towards his head – to shield it from anymore assaults and to soothe the dull sting of the hit, only to stop midway when he registered his dirty hands.

Sae had leaned across the kitchen island between them to playfully smack Rin’s head. The younger opened his mouth, before closing it again — brain stalling for a retort, processing the fact that Sae was bantering with him, like they used to do.

The simple unassuming action ignited a small, warm fire inside Rin’s gut, chasing away the coldness that was previously eating him alive. He was soaking in the welcomed feeling, when he realised he still had to come up with something to throw back at Sae, “really? I’m literally making you your food right now.” He scrambled, hopefully masking the shock in his eyes. 

“Have you forgotten all your manners already?” Sae shot back, albeit almost teasingly, teal eyes seemingly sparkling with barely concealed mirth.

“Real mature.” Rin rolled his eyes. “Guess you don’t want your breakfast,” he said, whirling around to quickly rinse his hands, so he could preheat the pan. “Don’t be petty.” He feigned ignorance towards the voice behind him, pretending he hadn’t heard it.

He mentally recited the steps in his head — two squirts of oil should be enough. Quickly, loud sizzling filled the air, filling in the silence that stretched between the two brothers. Rin was busy watching the cooking salmon, while Sae just sat there, unsure of what to do. Eventually, he just decided to fish out his phone from somewhere, scrolling through socials and other things  

Soon enough,the smell of grilled salmon filled the air — its pleasant aroma wafting through the kitchen. A pang of hunger suddenly hit Rin, he hadn’t even realised he was hungry. Surprisingly conveniently, he had made enough for two on accident. How? He didn’t even know, guessing it was subconscious. 

Rin silently slid the bowl of ochazuke across the smooth granite top of the kitchen island, averting eye contact with Sae. Wordlessly, Sae took it — quietly mumbling a quick ‘thank you’ before proceeding to stuff his face full.

When Rin finally took a quick glimpse at his brother, who had grains of rice near his mouth, eating like a starved man, he let out a snort. 

Obviously, he couldn’t mask the sound in time as Sae stopped in his movements, glancing up with an arched brow, mouth still full, giving him the appearance of a squirrel whose cheeks were stuffed full of nuts.

“What’s so funny?” Sae questioned, after gulping down the food in his mouth, he had manners, after all.

“Nothing.” 

“Lying now, are we? Never thought you’d stoop this low.” Sae lifted his chopsticks to his mouth, resuming in his mission to make sure not a single grain was left in the bowl. 

“Oh please, if you saw how you looked right now you would have snorted too,” Rin huffed.”It’s like you’ve never seen food in your life.”

The untouchable, cold and stoic ‘Greatest treasure of Japan’, ‘The Prodigy’, was currently seated across from him, eating like a barbarian. It felt so bizarre, so unreal — anyone else would have laughed too. Who could’ve thought Sae could be a messy eater when he was hungry? Or…more like starving, the more Rin looked at it. Sae’s always been a clean freak.

“Can’t help it.” He said between mouthfuls of food, not even pausing to breathe. “Haven’t eaten in like — two days.” 

Oh? Rin looked up from his bowl, interest piqued. He was more curious than worried, he knew his brother prioritized things like his health, so skipping meals was really out of character for him, and would likely never happen again.  “Two days? What happened?” The teen asked, leaning slightly forward. 

“Hm? Just the press, the public’s really pissed right now. Like that’s my problem.” Sae continued shovelling food into his mouth. “Was swamped with interviews and other things, didn’t have the time for proper meals.” So that’s why. It’s not like Rin has been completely oblivious to the whole situation, he’s seen the backlash Sae was facing after the U-20 match while scrolling through articles on his phone. He just never thought about it much.

“Aren’t you strict with your diet?” Rin pushed his food around in his bowl, titling his head a little to the side. He felt like he was forgetting something, but before he could pinpoint what it was—  

“I haven’t eaten in forever. Give me a break.” Sae’s voice snapped him out of his wandering thoughts, stopping his train of thoughts. 

“I can see that.” He snapped, but his words held no malice. Rather, it had a more playful lilt to it.

“Oh, shut up.” Sae swallowed harshly, before grabbing the cup of water stationed to his left — where had that come from? He gulped down the water greedily, before almost slamming the glass onto the table. 

“Thank god, I was so hungry.” Sae said, relief clear as day in his voice, the tension in his shoulders had also let up, more relaxed than it was before. Rin blinked, “you’re already done? It’s only been a few minutes…” Something odd in his tone, and Rin would rather die than to put a name to it. Absolutely not.

His brother was here, with Rin. Not in some foreign country, not fighting with him, not insulting him. Was this even real? Rin’s tempted to grab one of the many kitchen knives and stab himself just to test the suspicion out, but if this really wasn’t just another one of his many dreams — nightmares, he’d rather not bleed out, or traumatize his brother. Not like he even cares about me. 

Sae examined him for a few moments longer, possibly trying to decipher Rin’s inner thoughts. But he suddenly looked away,  staring at something Rin couldn’t see.

“Yeah, it was really good.” It was embarrassing how Rin’s chest swelled up with warmth just from a mere compliment. He’s just saying that because anything tastes good when you're hungry.

Noticing Rin’s lack of response, Sae continued on, “I’ll wash the dishes. Just leave it on the table after you’re done. You can go do — well, whatever you do in your free time.”

With that, he walked out of the kitchen, not bothering to look back. If he had, maybe he would have seen the dazed look on Rin’s face, and maybe even the slightest hint of a small, genuine, hopeful smile. 

Chapter Text

The sun was brutal today. No corner was exempted from its wrath, the heat creeping into every crevice it possibly could, covering the whole world in an all too-warm blanket.

Not even Rin’s air conditioned room was spared. 

He sighed, sometime throughout his restless sleep, he had kicked off his blanket — seeing as it now laid uselessly against the wooden floors. The heat had somehow found a way into his room, overpowering his AC, forcing its way in, all to make Rin more miserable than he already was. 

No matter how much he tossed and turned, the sweltering heat seemed to press down on him with each second that ticked by, more beads of sweat forming, his bangs progressively getting more matted down to his forehead in it. 

Rin begins to wonder what kind of heinous crimes he had committed in his past life to have whatever godly beings torture him this much as he stared up at his ceiling. The same, dull, painfully white ceiling he has been pulled into a one-sided staring competition with for the past thirty minutes or so. 

Unsurprisingly, a sheen of sweat had formed over his whole body, making him uncomfortable, and sticky. The air condition only worsened his state, making him feel oddly cold and hot at the same time, like one side of him was being roasted over a fire while the other was being bombarded by ice packs. Like he was developing a fever. 

Curse the stupid sun, curse the stupid heat and fuck this stupid AC— 

He would just have to suck it up and get up. It wasn’t like the bed was all too comfortable currently anyways, besides, a shower sounded really good right now…

The real problem was actually maneuvering his limbs to sit upright, they felt heavy — like lead. Rin absolutely hated the fact that his body wasn’t even responding to him at the moment, all that training, to be beaten by something as pathetic as the sun. 

He wasn’t even sick, yet the warmth made him drowsy and weak. Maybe he was having a heat stroke, because why else was he so dizzy? Why else was he losing to something as natural as a hot weathered day?

Taking a quick nap was the wrong choice. Now, he was stuck here, fighting for his life in the unbearable warmth. No, he’s not being dramatic. 

Groaning, he used all the strength he had left in his weakened, fragile body to push himself up, stumbling out of bed, before unceremoniously collapsing onto the cooling wooden floors while dragging a few pillows down with him. The cold floor was the reprieve Rin needed — his flushed body pressed against the ground,  trying to chase after the only escape he could find from the harsh heat. 

And to think the weather was just fine this morning, only three hours ago, he was thinking of going on a walk because of the breezy day. Rin was beginning to think the sun was bipolar. 

The chill floors had almost lulled him back to sleep, before he remembered —  there’s popsicles in the fridge…

At the promise of cold, sweet popsicles, Rin only lays flat on the floor of his room for a few minutes longer before finally gathering the energy to pull himself together, untangling his oddly heavy long limbs from each other and wrenching himself up. 

He chooses to ignore the fact that three hours ago, he was also playing house with Sae as he fumbles with the door handle for a few seconds, the hazy fog of sleep and the warmth messing with his coordination before finally yanking the door open, clumsily walking out into the hallway. 

***

Rin finally steps out his freezing shower, now refreshed and level headed. There will be no more laying on the floor, for the foreseeable future. 

Usually, he would always make sure his hair was completely dry before doing anything, but even as water droplets uncomfortably rolled down the back of his neck, dripping from his hair onto the random oversized shirt he had snagged from the closet, he ignores it all in favor of making a beeline straight for the kitchen. 

Skipping two steps at a time, he rushed down the stairs, his sweet, sweet prize, the key to escaping this treacherous heat just laid a little ahead of Rin. Almost there, and —

He swings open the freezer compartment, not bothering to be gentle because, honestly, who’s there to nag him about it? His fingers reach for the box containing the cold treat, before freezing. 

Why? 

Because the box was fucking empty.

Disbelief clouds his vision as he snatches the box from its place, and sure enough, it’s empty. He even shakes it back and forth upside down for a few seconds — like a popsicle would magically drop out of the hollow box. 

Who the fuck ate his popsicles, is a question Rin would love to know the answer to right now. He’d just bought this box yesterday, and it was already empty? How did this even happen?

He mourns the loss for about five seconds before he thinks of the only possible culprit for this. 

Sae.

 That bastard was already eating one yesterday, who’s to say he didn’t finish the rest throughout the night? 

The labels on the packaging seem to mock Rin, ‘multiple flavours!” his ass, considering there’s just about zero popsicles in the box right now, much less any flavours. 

Rin was about to turn around to storm upstairs, straight to Sae’s room to politely question him when –

“What are you frantically digging through the fridge for?” 

Speak of the devil, Rin snapped his head towards the source of the voice, and Sae was standing there in all his popsicle-stealing glory, with his usual stoic expression. 

The more important thing however, was the still unopened popsicle in Sae’s hands.

“Did you finish all my popsicles?” 

“Yeah, why?”

Sae blinked at Rin. Rin stared back.

“That’s the last one.”

“Obviously.”

Rin slammed the fridge shut, with more strength than necessary. “Give me that.” It wasn’t a request.

“No.” Sae’s hands moved to open the wrapper, despite Rin’s protest. If Rin looked closely, he could see the slightest hint of mischief dancing in Sae’s eyes. So this asshole knew what he was doing. Rin’s not impressed. 

“I bought that. And you already ate all the others, so give it to me.” He took a few steps towards Sae, and the elder seemed to hold it tauntingly to his mouth, not quite eating it, not quite handing it over.

“Just go buy more,” Sae shrugged. The audacity his brother had never fails to baffle Rin. Ordering him to just go out and buy more when he finished all the other popsicles. 

“Why should I go out and buy more? You’re the one who finished all of them!” Rin complained, it wasn’t his fault his brother had eaten all the popsicles so quickly — speaking of which, how did he even finish seventeen popsicles in less than 24 hours? 

The bastard didn’t even look sorry. He only stared at Rin with his usual apathetic expression. 

“Because I’m older.” 

That wasn’t even a valid reason!

“And?” Rin crossed his arms over his chest, a scowl splayed on his lips as he glared weakly at his brother.

He did his best to suppress the smile that threatened to bubble, because regardless of how much he would deny it, he missed bantering with Sae like this. He missed the days before that snowy night. He missed when his brother would still smile fondly at him. 

It was almost like a breath of fresh air, teasing each other like this. It felt so much better compared to all the harsh comments. And it felt almost unreal, which was funny because playfully fighting like this used to be second nature to Rin. To both of them.

Sae didn’t respond, instead, he lifted the popsicle to his mouth, preparing to close his jaws around it when Rin lunged forward, in a pitiful attempt to steal it and stop Sae from eating it. What can he say? It’s like hitting two birds with one stone. 

Even with the sudden attack, Sae’s reflexes were quick as he reeled his hand back, away from Rin’s reach. ‘Really?’ his eyes seemed to say as he danced out of Rin’s way. 

“Are you actually trying to steal my popsicle?” Sae said, sounding unamused, but the slight twitch of the corner of his lips said otherwise. 

“Not ‘yours’, and I’m not stealing, I’m reclaiming what’s rightfully mine.” Rin hissed, still trying to swipe the popsicle from Sae’s hands.

“You can’t even snatch it from my hands, tepid.” He just had to oh-so-helpfully add as he stepped out of Rin’s path again, almost causing him to faceplant into the ground. “Talk about desperate.” 

“Maybe I wouldn’t be this desperate if you didn’t devour all the popsicles within a day while it’s fucking melting outside.” Rin said, making sure to emphasise his point by tackling Sae, the dripping sweetness from the cold treat splattered from the sudden force, but Rin didn’t care. 

Sae let out a grunt from the impact, stumbling back a bit as he tried to regain balance while simultaneously holding the popsicle above his head, hand stretching as high as his ‘short’ stature allowed him, trying to keep it out of Rin’s reach. Which didn’t work considering Rin was a head or so taller than his brother now.

“Hey — quit it!” Sae yelped, using his free hand to shove Rin away, hand pressed against his face as he tried to reach for the popsicle.

The two struggled like this for a few more seconds, with heads being hit, and arms being slapped, maybe a few legs being kicked, before Sae had suddenly gasped, the stick originally held firmly in his grasp slipped, succumbing to gravity and falling in slow-motion, straight towards the floor.

Well shit. 

Two brother’s stand in the kitchen, staring at a now-wasted popsicle that has probably been taken over by all kinds of germs from the wooden ground. The five second rule can’t save it.

A pregnant silence washes over them as they just gawk at the fallen popsicle, both haven’t moved an inch from where they were previously fighting, quietly processing what had just happened.

“Look what you’ve done.” Sae breaks the silence first, arms crossed over his chest, face twisted into something dangerously close to a frown, to which Rin briefly wonders why the first time Sae has willingly shown emotion on his face in a long time is because of a dropped snack.

Nevermind that, there were more pressing matters at hand.

“Me? You dropped it!” Rin hissed through gritted teeth, jumping to defend himself. He whipped his head back to his brother, tearing his eyes away from the melting popsicle on the ground to scowl at him. 

“Because you were trying to snatch it from my hands.”  Sae shot back, turning back to Rin, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah cause you ate all the others – speaking of which, how did you finish the whole box within a few hours?”

Rin snapped back with just as much attitude, straightening his back while shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

Sae stays silent for a few seconds longer, before muttering, “I was hungry…” More likely to himself than Rin, but he heard it anyway.

“I can tell.” Considering how he ate all the – whatever. Rin wasn’t a little kid, he wouldn’t throw a fit like one.

No matter how much food Sae steals.

Rin’s nose scrunches up in disgust as he stares at the sticky popsicle juice pooling around the rapidly melting popsicle. He was going to have to clean that up before ants, or worse – cockroaches get to it. No thanks to a certain shitty brother. 

Sae doesn’t react to Rin’s burning glare.

“That was the last one.” Rin grumbled, again. Fists clenched and jaw tight, he barely manages to keep the annoyance out of his voice as he just stands there. With Sae.

“You’ve said that.”

“It’s hot out.”

“No shit.” Rin’s face does something complicated as he glances at Sae, so much for not swearing. Fucking hypocrite.

“Shit isn’t a cuss word, Rin.” Oops, he must’ve said that out loud. 

“Well, I don’t really care,” he rolled his eyes, “What are we going to do now?” He turned to his brother, a stoic expression barely plastered on his face.

Sae sent him a questioning look, which Rin levelled with a glare. 

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’?”

Sae’s eye actually twitches in annoyance, or at least what Rin thinks was annoyance. But, a reaction is still a reaction and Rin inwardly celebrates, because he finally managed to coax a reaction from Sae. The same Sae who rarely reacted to anything, whether he was bothered, or happy. An untouchable fortress. 

Yeah, take that loser.

“Don’t — nevermind,” He lets out a sigh, “what do you suggest we do?”

“Go out and get more popsicles.” 

“...why?”

Rin barely restrains himself from decking Sae in the face, “because it’s hot out and I want popsicles to cool off?”

Sae’s lips twitch downwards, only slightly - but Rin noticed anyway, he’s always noticed his brother’s micro-expressions. 

“That sounds like a hassle.” Sae pointed out, “All because you want more popsicles? Really?”

“Yeah well, you’re the one who finished them smartass, so you’re going to get me more.” 

“No.”

Now it’s Rin’s turn to have his eye twitch.

 “Listen, I went through the rain for that box, I bought that for myself.” Rin’s voice is carefully cold, letting just the right amount of pure annoyance bleed into it as he tried to hold himself back from jumping Sae. “So you’re going to get me more because you ate all of them.”

“And this whole thing is mainly your fault, now neither of us can have the popsicle.” Rin added as an afterthought. 

Sae remained impressively unbothered, standing there like everything was swell, which nothing was swell because all Rin’s popsicles have been stolen and eaten, and the thief doesn’t want to go and get more. If it were any other person, they would’ve blurted a thousand apologies and excuses by now, scrambling to go fetch Rin a new box.

But it’s not any other person, locked with Rin in some sort of stare down, it’s Sae, and god is he getting under Rin’s skin right now.

A few seconds past, the two brother’s are still in some skewed version of a staring competition, neither breaking eye contact. 

Finally Sae looked away first, sighing heavily as he turned around. “Fine.”

That stubborn bastard gave in, about time.

“But you’re coming with me.” 

Wait, what?

***

And that’s pretty much how Rin finds himself, beside his brother, standing before the convenience store they used to visit all the time to buy the popsicles straight from their childhood. 

A bittersweet memory of Sae grumbling as he pettily bit back down on the wooden stick after losing again for the millionth time flashed before Rin’s eyes momentarily before he pushed the memory down, to the back of his mind. That was in the past, Sae and Rin have both changed, their relationship has shifted too, no use thinking about the good times, afterall, what’s in the past stays in the past. No matter how much easier it was to drift in the simpler — the better times instead of dealing with whatever the fuck their relationship was now. 

Yeah, sorting out that mess was something Rin could do another time, when he was less emotionally constipated. That’s a problem for future Rin. 

The sight of a slightly run down convenience store enters their view, paint chipping and peeling from the years passed, the bushes around it are slightly dead, and the windows are faintly cracked, probably from kids playing around the area and accidentally sending something careening into it one too many times. (Rin would know, because Sae and Rin themselves have accidentally sent a soccer ball flying into the convenience store window once or twice.)

There’s a few street lamps around that always flickered at night, which Rin reckoned they should really replace.

Rin gulped, despite not visiting the old convenience store after that dreadful snowy night, because it brought back too many memories of times he wished to forget, he knew that the kind old lady that ran the convenience store passed away. She was always kind to him and Sae, and his heart slightly ached for the loss.

He steeled himself as he saw Sae walking forward, his face not giving even a hint to what he was feeling, Rin hurriedly started moving too to catch up with his brother.

The crappy air conditioner blasts him as he steps into the threshold, cooling him down for a second before the heat sinks its claws into him again. It was nice, even if it lasted for a second.

Rin takes a moment to look around, almost everything is just as he remembered, shelves in the same place, and the freezer pushed up against a corner. Though the items placed atop shelves have been rearranged, the snacks moved to another shelf, replaced with some other items Rin doesn’t bother to look at.

As he finally focuses back onto the task at hand, the whole reason why they came here in the unbearable heat in the first place, he noticed Sae already pulling open the freezer, trying to locate the familiar packaging.

Except he can’t, and a frown flickered across his face, before being swiftly replaced by cool detachment again. 

“It’s not here.” Sae said, still rummaging through the freezer.

“What’s not here?”

“The popsicles we always buy.”

Rin’s eyebrows furrowed as he moved to join Sae, sure enough — he couldn’t see the popsicles at all.

“That’s weird…” Rin muttered underneath his breath, “they should be here.”

“Well, they’re not.”

“I can see that, bastard.”

Sae pulled the freezer closed with a huff, hand on his hip as he just stood still for a few seconds. “Don’t tell me we came all the way over here for nothing.”

RIn only shook his head, going up to the lady at the counter to ask her. She was a little shorter than Sae, with wavy brownish hair tied up into a ponytail because of the hot weather, a kind smile placed atop her face as she hummed an unfamiliar melody while arranging something.

After a while of questioning, because despite his foul mouth to most, he could be polite when he wanted to — Rin concluded that the brand of popsicles they always used to buy was sold out. And the stock for it wouldn’t come in for a few months or so. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, maybe he should have stayed ignorant. 

It’s just a popsicle brand, yet something in his heart clenched as he walked back. (Because it’s the brand they always bought, together. Because that one brand held so many memories of the better times.)

“Sold out.” Is the only thing he said as he approached Sae, who was sorting through the assortment of snacks lined up on the shelf he’s been looking at for the last five minutes. 

Sae only glances up at him for a second, before looking back to the snacks. Rin feels his fist clench, for reasons he doesn’t even know. 

“They’re sold out?”

“That’s what I just said,” Rin grunted, annoyance bubbling in his chest as he ran a hand through his hair, “that was the best brand of popsicles too.”

Sae merely hummed in agreement, placing back the snack he had grabbed. “We should look for alternatives.”

“Huh?” 

“I didn’t come out here and waste my time for nothing,” Sae turned around, ready to leave the convenience store. 

Cryptid as usual. Rin grumbled as he scrambled after Sae, trying to catch up with the older, falling into the familiar routine of blindly following his brother. 

“Where are we going?” Rin asked eventually, long after the convenience store was far behind them, a tiny dot from their point, and Rin swore up and down he could see the heat waves or whatever the hell it was, radiating off the cement pavement. 

“You’ll see.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

***

They arrive at a quaint cafe, tucked into the corner of the street – warm atmosphere falling over the cafe, which was in its own little bubble of homeyness. 

Rin examined the building, its exterior seemed to be bricks framed by a lot of hanging plants, with a few potted plants littering the entrance. The inside looked moderately modern, with a few people already inside, some studying and some chatting with their friends, others mindlessly scrolling while eating, their drinks gone cold.

It was nice, Rin admits. Really cozy looking. But he wasn’t sure why Sae had brought him here, he could feel the sun beating down on him with each second that past where the two just stood outside the small cafe. It was really fucking hot.

Sae stepped forward, a distant bell ringing could be heard as he pulled the door open slightly, looking back to Rin, face practically questioning him.

“Are you going to come in?”

Rin scowled, legs finally moving as he pushed himself forward, trailing after Sae into the cafe.

As expected, the cafe was quiet, only quiet chattering and giggles could be heard, as well the clinking of utensils and plates. Sae didn’t hesitate as he pointed to a corner in a corner, clearly telling Rin to sit there.

Rin’s scowl deepened, no way in hell was he going to listen to Sae. Regardless, he headed over to the empty table, not before glaring daggers at Sae of course. 

The two got seated, and in all honesty – the chairs were comfortable, like, really comfortable. Rin melted a little into it, before his gaze sharpened again, landing on Sae who was flipping through the menu.

“What are we here for?” Rin asked, fidgeting with the end of the menu placed in front of him. 

“To order ice cream.”

“Huh?”

Sae stopped scanning over the ice cream choices, looking up at Rin with the most blank face imaginable. “I told you, I didn’t come out just to waste my time.” 

Rin didn’t say anything in response, but he guessed his face must’ve screamed of confusion as Sae elaborated, “I saw a few recommendations for this place, their ice cream’s good. So I just figured to bring us here.”

“You…you brought me here to try ice cream?”

“No, I brought you here to just sit here like a fool.” Sae deadpanned, turning his attention back to the assortment of different flavors of ice cream that was on the menu he was looking through.

Rin didn’t know how to feel. The happiness, warmth that flared in his chest was quickly overshadowed by growing confusion. The cold-hearted, emotionless Itoshi Sae, bringing his little brother to try ice-cream at some small homey cafe? Maybe he was still napping back at home in the uncomfortable heat.

“What do you want to order?”

Yeah. Definitely still dreaming.

Rin snapped out of his daze, looking down at his own menu — there was the classic flavours, vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, as well as a few others such as mint chocolate, cookies and cream. Rin felt diabetic just looking through the different flavours, a disaster of sugary sweetness. A recipe for a sugar coma. And fuck, was Rin craving something sweet right now. Well, it was better to play it safe.

“I’ll get vanilla.”

Sae’s face didn’t change, but Rin thought he could see something light up in his eyes, possibly playful, as Sae opened his mouth to tease, “Vanilla? I didn’t know you were so basic.”

Rin’s face pulled into a familiar scowl, “fuck you, vanilla is a good flavour.” Rin leaned back, offense written all over his face as he snapped at Sae.

“Just sayin’.” Sae said, clearly unapologetic, which — seriously, screw Sae and his inferior taste buds, vanilla ice cream was a heavenly flavour, who cares if it’s ‘basic’. It was good. A classic. Maybe the best.

“Yeah? And what are you going to order? Chocolate?” Rin snarked, fully committed to insulting Sae and his shit taste now. 

Sae frowned, eyebrows pinched as he replied, “Chocolate’s good.” Rin almost snorted, keyword: almost. Instead, he just narrowed his eyes. 

“And you called me basic.” 

“I wasn’t wrong.” Sae said, not backing down. He wasn’t looking down at the menu anymore, now staring at Rin, icy teal eyes having melted a little, letting the tiniest bit of emotion shine through his eyes. And if Rin didn’t know better, he would’ve assumed it was fondness. 

“We came here to try different ice cream flavors, so pick something else.” 

“Whatever, fine. I’ll get a…” Rin trailed off as he squinted at the menu, reading the name of the desert.  “Sugary heaven oreo deluxe…?”

Sae abruptly stopped in his movements, before giving Rin the biggest ‘what the fuck’ look in his life, quickly flipping through the menu to see what the hell Rin was referring to.

He examined the desert for a few seconds before he spoke out, “No.”

“Well, why the fuck not?”

“Don’t swear, and you’re not ordering this abomination. You’re gonna overdose on sugar.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are. Look at it. Like the name suggests, you’re going to see heaven once you finish it. For entirely different reasons.” 

Rin huffed, setting the menu back down onto the table. “I’m not five. Stop exaggerating, a little sugar won’t kill anyone. Didn’t you tell me to try out something new?”

“Yeah I did tell you that, but I didn’t tell you to try and get yourself killed from sugar. And that is not ‘a little’.” 

“I’ll be fine.” Rin dismissed, seemingly having had enough of going back and forth with Sae. 

Sae, probably given up, muttered, “Just don’t come crying to me when you’re spilling your guts out into a toilet later,”  calling a waitress over to take their orders.

.

.

.

A bowl of ice cream, specifically 3 large scoops of chocolate, and cookies and cream, topped with a fuck ton of oreo chunks, a sprinkle of m&m’s, and — was that grapes? There was a lot of chocolate sauce, probably caramel drizzle too, drowning the ice cream in the two.

The “sugary heaven oreo deluxe” in its full glory was set before Rin, waiting to be devoured. Secretly, Rin felt a pang of excitement at the prospect of eating this whole monstrosity, the irritation that has been simmering just beneath his ribs already melting away at the sight of the sugary dessert.

Sugar really does help with irritation. 

Sae on the other hand, looked like he was two seconds away from getting up and leaving, and one second away from vomiting on the spot.

“You disgust me.” Sae murmured, subtly leaning away from the ice cream, cringing slightly. 

Rin froze. 

It’s stupid, how those three words hit a little too close to home, unforgettable memories of a bitter reunion pushed its way to his mind’s eye. 

He bit his lip, grip tightening on the spoon he was holding. It’s stupid he knows, and yet hurt still stirred in his gut, souring the mood.

Sae, the ever apathetic brother, paused for a moment. Like he was hesitating. 

“Just get on with eating it.” The elder eventually said.

Rin looked up in surprise, before his face morphed into a glare, masking any vulnerability he might have shown.

“Don’t tell me what to do, shitty brother,” Rin said, angrily shoving a spoonful of the nausea-inducing ice cream into his mouth, not even reacting to the coldness of the treat. He has never been more glad to not have sensitive teeth.

The sweetness immediately hit his tongue, and Rin has always had a secret sweet tooth, nothing compared to the taste of absolute sugar melting in his mouth. 

If he was in an anime, he thinks there would be flowers and sparkles around him by now, with how content he was. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see pearly white gates. 

While he was enjoying his ice cream, Sae shot him another dirty look, before eating his own dessert, a few scoops of mint chocolate chip and coffee. If anything, Rin should be the one judging Sae, who the fuck eats mint chocolate chip?

. 

. 

. 

Halfway through the ice cream, Sae was still cringing, face pinched and shoulders drawn. 

“...Aren’t you thirsty?” Sae asked, spoon still stuck in his dessert. 

Rin blinked, “Yeah.” He didn’t realise he was thirsty, but anyone would be after consuming copious amounts of ice cream. 

Sae sighed, calling a waitress over, “what do you want to drink?” 

“Do they have green tea?” Rin asked, stuffing yet another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth while doing so.

“Gross. And yeah, they do.” 

“Gross?”

“You’re drinking green tea with…that.” Sae grimaced, not bothering to refer to the dessert as ice cream.

“And you’re eating mint chocolate chip ice cream.” Rin countered, using his hands to shield his ice cream bowl from judgemental eyes. And in this case, Sae.

Sae frowned, “Mint chocolate chip is a good flavour.” 

“It tastes like toothpaste.” 

“Yours has grape in it.” Sae said flatly, face screwed back into its usual emotionless slate. But, there was still slight judgement swirling in his piercing eyes.

Well, that was just plain rude. Rin actually liked the grape pieces in his ice cream, they gave it a natural sweetness, plus grapes were healthy so that has to count for something right? Surely there was a phrase like ‘a grape a day keeps the doctor away’ or something. Probably. 

“It tastes good.” Rin settled on saying. 

“With the ice cream…?”

“Yeah asshole, no shit.”

Sae looked him up and down without moving, “weirdo.” He scooped a bit of mint chocolate chip ice cream from his bowl, the both of them falling into a somewhat comfortable silence.

.

.

.

They were finished with the ice cream, Rin was currently nursing green tea in his hands, while Sae was busy scrolling on his phone. 

Despite just finishing a mountain of ice cream, sweet enough to give Rin some type of health issue, he was still embarrassingly enough — hungry. Rin blamed it on his rigorous training schedules and strict routine. It was completely normal of someone of his athletic group to eat more.

Sae glanced up from the phone in his hands, now just staring at Rin, contemplating something. He eventually made his decision as he opened his mouth to speak, “Hey, are you still hungry?”

To be honest, Rin was a little freaked out, how did Sae know? He was sure telepathic connections between brother’s weren’t real, no matter how close they were. And Rin and Sae were nowhere near close. (He knows because he did research when he was eight, hunched up in a corner on Sae’s phone as his brother was practicing kicks.)

“Uh, yes?” Rin hated how his confusion could be heard through his voice. 

“Good.”

He really wished his brother could start elaborating on his short, cryptid responses more. This was starting to get real tiring. 

***

“Why’s this salty?” Rin asked while spitting out the ice cream into a tissue, his face a mix of horror, disgust and distraught.

“Salty?” 

Rin didn’t respond, too busy washing the taste down with, you guessed it — green tea.

Sae opened the menu, checking the description of the desert Rin had ordered, who had the honour of watching Sae’s face morph through the five stages of grief, but it was definitely close enough to creating five stages of disgust.

Rin gulped down a mouthful of green tea, “what? What is it?” 

“It says the ice cream is drizzled in soya sauce.”

“What.”

“How much did you eat?”

Rin was close to dry heaving, but he held it back, face pinched with disgust, “Like — h-half? I don’t know!”

“Half? Why would you keep eating it if it was salty?”

“I thought it would go away!” Rin cried, “who the fuck expects soya sauce in their ice cream anyway? I thought it was chocolate!” 

“Who keeps eating their ice cream if its salty?” Sae cringed, slowly inching away from the ice cream bowl in front of Rin.

“We’re leaving.” Rin announced, leaving no room for protests, not like either of them wanted to stay anyway. 

They had strolled around, trying out different ice creams at different cafes for awhile now, with Sae leading the way, searching for cafes near them to taste test, and Rin just following behind. There were a few interesting flavours to say the least, some Rin wished he discovered sooner, and others he wished he never discovered at all. He could have lived his life not knowing that cheese ice cream exists, or what soya sauce with ice cream tasted like, thank you very much. 

Taking one last big gulp of the green tea, more to wash down the lingering taste of the soya sauce and less to not waste such a good drink.

Sae didn’t say a word as he plucked his phone off the table, getting up and looking ready to bolt out of the shop. Reasonable enough Rin supposed. Any cafe which sold ice cream topped with soya sauce couldn’t be safe.

As the two brother’s made their way out, Rin pointedly ignored all of Sae’s mocking glances. 

“How did it taste?” Sae snorted, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Shut the hell up.”

They walked around aimlessly for awhile, Sae occasionally asking which cafe Rin wanted to try out first, and scrolling on his phone for recommendations while Rin gave his input. 

“This should be enough for a few more stops right?” Sae asked, pulling out a 10000 yen bill.

Rin’s eyes widened in slight surprise, “you’re planning to pay with that? Don’t you have any smaller notes on you?” 

“No, I ran out.”

“Well, that should cover more than enough. Let’s go.” Rin shrugged, one foot already in front of the other as he stalked forward, when  the bill in Sae’s hand slipped out of his grasp.

“Ah–”

The world suddenly narrowed to just Rin and the escaping bill, time slowing as he spun around, almost in slow motion to see the note flying out of Sae's grasp. 

Rin was a creature of habit, so without thinking, he chased after the note. 

He didn’t even hesitate, his eyes trained on the note being carried by the wind, hand shooting out to snatch it once again, his surroundings became a blur as he lunged forward, which usually wouldn’t be a problem, if he didn’t jump right into oncoming traffic.

In the blink of an eye, he had ended up in the middle of the road chasing after some bill. God, he probably looked so homeless, who risked their lives for money? Rin apparently. 

It was just in his reach, so close -

“Rin!”

Almost!

His fingers came in contact with the bill, before he firmly grabbed it, mentally celebrating, he had caught it! Did his reaction time and speed improve? His coordination too–

“Watch out!”

Was it just him or was Sae yelling? Actually, were there people screaming and cars honking? 

The car heading straight for Rin finally registered in his mind, the driver’s pale face entering Rin’s field of vision as the car inched closer and closer to him.

So it wasn’t just him. 

Rin was still mid air from his initial dash to catch the bill, and the car was speeding towards him, even if the driver was to stir to the side now, Rin would still be hit.

Crap.

Lucky for him, and the poor driver, Rin had plenty of experience with being almost run over! His bad habit of letting things slip into the middle of roads has saved the day once more. 

Instinctively, he felt his body twist, adrenaline pumping his heart a tad faster, legs suddenly getting a boost of power as he flipped over, muscle memory taking over completely. 

The blood roaring in his ears drowned out any other noise as he rolled over the hood of the car, catching a glimpse of the now confused yet still horrified face of the driver, before Rin gracefully slid on top of the roof, landing in a crouched position somehow.

The car had also pulled to an abrupt stop, brakes kicking in as it screeched to a halt. How convenient.

Rin needed to stop dodging cars, it's become a routine for him, honestly. He jumped off the roof, landing softly onto the road, before making his way back over to Sae, 10000 yen note clutched firmly in his hand.

As he walked back, Rin thought he could hear the sound of soft claps and whispering amongst bystanders, maybe a few amazed gasps and excited chattering amongst children as well.

Well, whatever. All that mattered was that he had successfully rescued the money, and he had to get away as soon as possible before the driver recovered and came to beat his ass.

“What’re you just standing there for? Let’s go!” Rin called out to an unmoving Sae, who in all honesty looked a little pale and shaken, eyes slightly blown wide with something between fear and concern. 

When Sae didn’t respond, Rin grabbed his arm, forcefully dragging the stock still boy along as they ran off, not before hearing the angry shouting of a certain driver though. Useless. 

The pair ran for a while, and by ‘awhile’ meant ten whole minutes without stopping, they were athletes after all.

They came to a stop in front of some random sketchy alleyway, Rin finally deciding they had escaped the angry driver, and could stop, letting go of Sae’s wrist.

He leaned against the wall, catching his breath.

“What the fuck was that?”

Rin blinked.

“Finally gave up on that ‘no swearing’ bullshit?”

“Why the hell would you jump in front of a car?”

Huh? Is Sae stupid or brain dead — wait don’t answer that, he’s both. 

Rin, still slightly panting, only scowled, “Because your money was being blown into the road? Are you stupid?”

Sae should be thanking him, Rin retrieved his money for fucks sake! And he risked his life for it too!

“And you jumped into traffic for that? I don’t even care about such a small amount. You could’ve gotten killed. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Oh right, Sae was rich. He certainly didn’t take that into consideration, it slipped his mind. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

“Don’t tell me what could’ve happened to me, I knew what I was doing. It's become a habit for me at this point.” Rin snarled, feeling the familiar sparks of anger in his chest.

“Is that supposed to be any better?” Sae questioned, eyes impossibly cold, just like that night—

“You’re telling me you jump into traffic occasionally? How the fuck is that better?” Sae pressed on, eyes narrowing as he cornered Rin.

Rin was taller than Sae, he knows this, but why was Sae towering over him? 

“Why the hell do you care?” Rin sneered, face contorted into a snarl as he stood straighter, shifting his weight off the wall. He bit back the urge to apologise quietly to Sae, like he used to whenever he broke his toys, when Sae would cover for him. He wasn't weak and defenseless anymore. 

Sae looked taken aback, but he didn’t back down. “I’m your older brother, of course I care —” 

Rin glared, “you sure as hell didn’t care when that insect fucking socked me in the face with his foot.” He spat, remembering the disappointment, hurt that had stabbed his heart when Sae didn’t even so much as twitch as he got his face bashed in.

Sae’s eyebrows dipped, he took a step forward, “That’s different. I knew you would be fine, and there were tons of medics around.” Sae took a breath in, “If you were hit here, you could’ve seriously gotten injured. Or died.”

Besides the anger rising steadily in his gut, in his throat, he could feel the pathetic shaky hope stirring in his chest too, because his brother was worried about him, it was happening, his brother cared, his brother was acknowledging his existence as his little brother —

“And what would happen if you were hit? You could lose your soccer career. Forget about even beating me or improving, you’ll go from nowhere near to never at all.”

“You’ll be rid of soccer for the rest of your life, and you could kiss that tepid career goodbye.”

Oh.

He stilled almost immediately, his brother still staring him down, as if challenging him to fight back. Sae didn't say anything more, letting the silence hang between them, as if letting his words sink in. (They didn't have to, Rin has long had the words seared into his brain.) 

Rin hoped to god his heartbreak didn’t show on his face. He hoped his face didn’t crumple, a mirror of his heart, of his vulnerability.

Of fucking course. What else did he expect from Itoshi Sae? A pat on the head and an offer for ice cream? Hushed whispers of comfort? What a joke.

Did you expect me to comfort you?

Lukewarm.

Honestly, it was his fault for even opening his heart, for having hope when Sae has repeatedly without fail, snuffed it out and stomped on it, all without giving a him a second thought.

He was so still too lukewarm. 

“You can’t be so reckless all the damn time you’re sixteen now–” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Rin rasped out, cutting off whatever Sae was saying,  “you can take your fake concern and shove it up your ass.” 

“Rin–”

“No seriously, fuck you. You say you care, yet all you’re worried about is if I will stay able to play after getting run over by a car?” Rin laughed coldly, “What did I even expect from you?” His voice didn't crack, it wasn't shaky. It wasn't.

The corners of Sae’s lips pulled down, “That’s not what I meant–”

"What did you mean?"

Sae didn't say anything more. He opened his mouth, before closing it for a few seconds. Unsure of what to say, of how to fix the mess that was them. He couldn't glue the broken pieces of Rin's heart together, he didn't have the gentleness for that. And for that, Sae was sorry. 

“I’m done.” Rin threw his hands up, before turning on his heel and leaving. He wasn’t going to hope again. He wasn’t. He couldn’t afford to, before he had nothing left to give. Nothing left of him. 

Rin was wearing a cracked borrowed mask of nonchalance, held together by sheer spite. One more blow and it would fall apart completely. Because in the end, an act is still an act. 

Rin's already broken heart broke a little more when Sae didn't make any move to stop him, standing there in the cold silence. Letting Rin go, quietly. And perhaps, some other day, Rin would've been grateful for that. But it did nothing more than add to the distance between them. 

His footsteps were loud against the pavement as Rin headed in the direction back to the house in tense silence, thoughts racing through his mind as walked, the trees, people and street lamps all lumping into a big heap of blobs as he raced home.

Fuck Sae and his confusing switch ups, one day he was cold and unforgiving, the other he was warm and loving. What was wrong with him? Could he just pick a side — does he hate Rin or not? 

Sae needed to stop giving Rin false hope, because what hurt more than getting the truth served cold, straight to the face was having hope before. He thought he was finally getting the acknowledgement he wanted, needed, and what did he get instead? Rejection.

He wasn’t sure how many more heartbreaks he could take, how much more sickening weakness of disappointment and betrayal he could shoulder before the cracks became too big — too much for him to handle. Before he was capsized in the storm too rough for his little beaten safety boat to handle. 

As Rin stepped into the eerily quiet house, it felt even more lonely than the years before. Was he already used to Sae’s presence? Pathetic.

Years of Sae being thousands of miles apart, and now was when he felt truly alone? When Sae was closer than ever in years? Rin wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to scream and shout and beg for Sae to just go back to how they were before - but they couldn't, because what's in the past stays in the past right? They could never go back. And Rin hated it. 

He could catch bank notes while dodging cars, but couldn't catch Sae when he was right in his reach. How fucking ridiculous. Lukewarm. 

Rin shook his head, like he could physically shake the thoughts off, slamming the door shut behind him and kicking off his shoes.

Sae pretending to care was one thing. But if he expected Rin to play along and pretend everything was fine, he had another thing coming.

Rin was done. He was done opening up and getting humiliated, he was done giving his heart away to have it shattered. 

Sae could keep his faked half-baked concern.

Chapter Text

Rin wakes up to silence. (Shocker.)

He groans as he rolls over onto his side, now facing the curtained window where only a little bit of sunlight shines through, yelling at him to wake up, which he can’t fall back asleep anyway, his internal clock wouldn’t allow it. Not that it’s bad, that’s what he’s trained his body to do. He would be more than disappointed if his body were to fail him now.

The sunlight makes the dust particles floating about in his room visible, like summer snowflakes as they drift around lazily. The thought of getting an air purifier crosses Rin's mind for a second as he just stares, cheek squished against a pillow and blanket somewhere on the floor. 

He knows he needs to get up. He just doesn't want to. 

After laying in his bed for another solid three minutes give or take, contemplating getting ready, he finally finds the will to get up, pushing himself from the soft embrace of his bed and throwing his legs over the side of it as he rubs his bleary eyes, yawning. He already misses the comfort of sleep. He misses a lot of things actually. One of those things was the times where he wouldn’t have to think.

His limbs are still heavy with the haze of sleep when he sluggishly stretches his sore body — a downside to sleeping — finding satisfaction as he hears a few pops. Sometimes Rin hates being long-limbed, the quiet ache in your bones was barely worth it. Not to mention how it was easier to be thrown off your center of gravity. What was that saying, ‘the bigger you are the harder you fall’? (Rin knows because he's fallen several times already. With each fall he questions more and more if he should get back up.)

Whatever, this whole thing was lukewarm. And tepid. And idiotic, maybe half-baked — Why should he suffer for being born tall? 

"Tch." Rin clicks his tongue when his neck twinges from sleeping on it wrong. 

Waking up was overrated.

Rin shuffles over to the window, pulling the curtain back slightly so he can peek through, sure enough, the sky was clear and it looked — peaceful. He celebrates internally, letting the fabric of the curtain slip from his fingers as he steps away from it, set on making his way to the bathroom.

He starts to mentally cross off what he could do today. Well, he could go on a run, maybe go bird watching or something. But he also needed to replace the groceries since Sae—

Wait.

His thoughts come to an abrupt halt. Two things click at once—

Sae. Yesterday.

Rin almost winces — keyword, almost — feet padding quietly against the cool wooden floors as he heads straight for the toilet, he had almost forgotten what had happened yesterday. And he had been unlucky enough to remember, now everything was awkward and tense again. Life was irritating. 

It’s not his fault Sae was so…complicated and confusing.

Maybe he should try his hand at avoiding him, even if it’s stupidly impossible when you’re stuck in the same house, but hey. Rin’s been through worse odds. He’s totally got this. Totally. 

He pulls open the door to the bathroom, quickly stepping in like his brother was hiding somewhere in the shadows, ready to pounce at him if he was any slower. Well he could be, not that Rin knows. He never knows anything when it came to Sae these days clearly.

Or he could be lurking somewhere in the dark corner of Rin’s head, ready to pull him underwater once again if Rin so much as dared to drop his guard. 

His hands eventually find their way to the shower knob, and he twists it upon muscle memory, the spray of hot water greets him and he welcomes it. 

Immediately, the sound of water pelting the floor of the toilet and skin fills the empty silence and the water flowing down the drain takes Rin’s thoughts with them as he closes his eyes, relaxing into the familiar burn of his scalp and back.

He lets himself go limp as he just stands there soaking in the burn of the shower for a few minutes. Hot showers are therapeutic, alongside sugar and ochazuke. All three of those things rank pretty high in his books. They get rid of the usual irritation that comes with being alive, that itself deserved at least a top ten in the little things he enjoys. But horror movies and soccer still rank higher. 

Unfortunately for him, he actually has to shower, or god forbid the water bill skyrockets. After a few more minutes he finally snaps out of his daze, grabbing his shampoo and lathering his hair with it.

By the time the mirror has fogged up from the hot shower Rin has taken, his decision is made. He’ll go out to the grocery store and mope outside for today. It would be a shame to stay inside when the weather was this nice. 

Rin makes a mental checklist of the things he needs once he steps out of the toilet, hair damp and towel hanging around his neck. He’ll do his usual yoga, because even if he’s slacking off his soccer practice there’s no way he was going to let himself completely go, then he’ll be out the door, sounds easy enough. 

He internally gives himself a pat on the shoulder for the genius plan he has crafted to ignore his shitty brother as he retreats back to his room, the cool temperature of his surroundings biting at his skin, warm from the shower.

Today was going to be a good day if Rin had anything to say about it.

What could go wrong?

***

Rin is ready to leave the house, phone and wallet in hand, climbing down the flight of stairs when he spots Sae sitting on the sofa in the living room, on his phone.

He already feels his face twist and he doesn’t have to look in a mirror to know the ugly scowl that definitely rests on it right now. It’s an involuntary reaction to seeing his brother. He can’t control it.

Rin almost wants to bark ‘what the hell are you doing here?’ at the interloper currently perched on his sofa seemingly unaware of his presence, and pending doom, but he holds his tongue. Some would argue he was impulsive but Rin thinks he had plenty of self-control. 

Sae coincidentally looks up from his phone at the exact time Rin steps foot into the living room, trying to inconspicuously sneak to the door and leave the place. And Rin freezes when teal meets teal.

Just his luck. 

There’s just silence between them for a few seconds, until Sae raises a brow, telepathically communicating ‘what are you doing’ to Rin, somehow. It’s enough to send a whole new wave of anger through him as Rin simply stares back.

Fucking shitty older brother’s and their need to know everything when it doesn’t concern them. Sae didn’t even care about him, why's he asking anyway?

He clicks his tongue, not bothering to respond and he just pushes past, straight to the door. If his heart squeezes when he leaves and Sae doesn’t say anything, that’s only for him to know.

***

Rin’s paying for groceries when something feels off. 

Wrong.

Uneasiness has suddenly clawed his way up his throat, and he doesn’t know how to explain it, but something’s happening. Something bad.

He’d just spent the past thirty minutes looking through the various shelves that filled the supermarket, strictly only grabbing ingredients he needed. And if you were to point out the pack of candy in his basket, Rin would argue that candy was one of the many ‘ingredients’ he needed.

During the whole time he spent shopping, the creeping sensation of foreboding followed him, silently.

Up until now. 

The unease wasn’t silent anymore, it was screaming, loud.

It’s stupidly distracting.

So distracting that he ends up stepping out of the store with a grocery bag full of items,  barely recalling handing the money over to the cashier and making his way to the exit.

The lump in his throat hasn’t eased and Rin’s starting to get the feeling that something is definitely wrong.

He sighs, beginning to make the trip back to the house. His long legs started to move again. One of the times he rather liked having long limbs.

As he passes by cars, houses, playgrounds, the feeling of dread sinks in more with each step. He’s on the path he always used to take with Sae home. The beach is just below, and clear skies stretch above.

Rin huffs, a pang of frustration shooting through his chest accompanied by annoyance because he can’t figure out  the source of the anxiousness ruining his day.

The day that was supposed to be a good one.

Rin closes his eyes and tilts his head slightly back, feeling the wind on his skin and taking in the faint smell of the ocean mingling with the air. 

When he opens his eyes, he finds his head turned towards the ocean instead of the sky, and he bites the inside of his cheek. 

Rin picks up his pace.

Just then, he’s suddenly overcome with the strong urge of needing to hurry back.

He frowns, now walking even faster for different reasons. 

What could’ve happened to send his gut into overdrive like this? 

Maybe Sae burnt down the house — for real this time, or his brother had unveiled the little secret collection of owl things Rin kept in his closet.  

Yikes. Both sounded like disasters and possible.. He’d better get back quickly.

There of course was the possibility that his gut was just acting up, but Rin would rather not take chances. Not when the house, or his dignity was on the line here.

He adjusts his grip on the grocery bag digging into his palms before using his free hand to tug out his phone from his pocket.

The same phone he hasn’t opened since the battery died. 

Not even when he had finished charging it, he was too busy over analyzing what Sae had said to even think about it.

As expected, when his phone lit up, the default wallpaper that Rin had reseted it to after a snowy night on a field because it used to be a picture of Sae and him was covered up by an influx of notifications. 

He almost felt like a celebrity. 

That was until he actually took time to sweep through all the notifications, feeling his heart drop to his ass.

What the fuck?

Rin was really starting to regret not checking his phone earlier.

He felt his face progressively pale with each text, now standing in the middle of the path frozen, his mouth slightly agape and face screaming absolute horror. 

Within an instant he frantically tucked his phone back into his pocket, tightened his grip on the grocery bag in his hand and broke into a dead sprint.

***

Isagi didn’t know why he was here.

On a second note, he does. It’s because Bachira had begged him to come. (And bribed him with the promise of Noel Noa merch.)

But he didn’t know what could’ve possessed him to agree. (Noel Noa merch.)

Seriously. He didn’t have a death wish.

Yet he was here, in front of Itoshi Rin’s house.

How did Bachira even get Rin’s address? Because Isagi sure as hell knows that it wasn’t Rin who gave it.

And believe him, he tried to get the answer. But when faced with questioning, Bachira only smiled sweetly and changed the subject.

So now he was on Rin’s doorstep, with nothing but prayers and a fuck ton of hope.

Hiori, who snuck out on the pretense of ‘training’ with the others, flashed Isagi a sympathetic look from the side where he was standing.

Bachira had somehow recruited not only him, but Shidou, Hiori and Nagi, to come and terrorise Blue Lock’s number one.

Isagi tilted his head back, rethinking all of his life choices that has led him here.

“So, who’s ringing the doorbell?” Bachira asked, turning around so his back was no longer facing them.

“Me!” Shidou laughed, an evil smirk resting on his lips. “Lashes will be so glad to see me.”

Isagi wanted to face-plant into a wall. 

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’ll more likely kill us all if he sees,” Isagi pointed at Shidou’s face. “Your face at his door first.”

Shidou puts a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. “You wound me.”

Isagi only rolled his eyes, he wasn’t trying to die here.

“So Shidou’s off the list of contestants,” Bachira said, voice bubbly. “Anyone else?”

Silence.

Isagi frowns, brown drawn together. If Hiori were to open the door it would be less likely for Rin to set them on fire. He would take getting the door slammed in their face than being beaten to death any day.

Bachira sulks. “You’re all boring. I’ll do it.”

He spoke too soon.

“You got this little monster!” Shidou egged him on.

Was this how Isagi was going to die? On Rin’s porch?

Isagi opened his mouth. “Bachira, maybe we should let—”

Too late.

There’s no warning before Bachira pressed the doorbell, and Isagi feels his heart rate spiking when the boy happily steps back, like he hadn't just activated a ticking time bomb waiting to blow.

Hiori looked ready to bolt at any given moment, Shidou looked like a kid on christmas day and Isagi just wanted to go home. And Nagi…was leaning against Shidou, napping? 

“This is going to be so fun!” Bachira said honestly. 

What.

Clearly, Bachira and his definition of ‘fun’ was very different. If the boy considered getting mauled to death by one Itoshi Rin as a whimsy past time, maybe Isagi should reflect on the people he befriends. They say your friends reflect on the kind of person you are after all.

And yet, he can’t bring himself to grab the boy by his shoulders and shake some sense into him. That’d be too cruel.

Instead, he sighed heavily and used a hand to massage his temple. May as well brace himself for the shitshow that’s going to happen in a minute or so.

A few tense seconds pass, Isagi waiting with bated breath as he closely watches the door. His ears strained for any sounds of shuffling from behind the door.

Sure enough, he could faintly hear muffled noises coming from the house. And the next moment the door suddenly clicked, and swung open to reveal…Itoshi Sae?

Huh?

Sae blinked, face devoid of any emotion. But his eyebrows were slightly raised, giving away his surprise.

Shidou’s face impossibly lit up even more the moment burgundy coloured hair instead of dark green entered his view, a wide devilish grin already starting to stretch across his face.

Isagi sucked in a harsh breath.

They had the wrong Itoshi, and now they were going to get kicked out. (Not that they weren’t if Rin was the one who opened the door, but at least they would still have seen him!)

“Itoshi Sae? Rin’s older brother right?” Bachira said without a stutter. Absolutely fearless. 

Isagi would like to think it was more because he was brave than foolish.

But Sae’s expression didn’t as much as change, remaining apathetic and almost hollow.

It was almost unnerving. Isagi shook his head, before forcing himself to look in front again.

“Do you know where Rin is? We came to visit him!” 

“He’s not home right now. Probably at the grocery store.” Sae surprisingly answered instead of shutting the door on them.

Bachira beamed even more.

Shidou took this moment to step forward, pushing his way to the front. “Long time no see underlashes senior!”

Shidou tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans, leaning slightly forward.

Sae scoffed.

“Don’t be petty!” Shidou laughed, straightening his back once again. “Think you could unblock me?”

“No.” The older Itoshi deadpanned.

“So we came here for nothing?” Nagi yawned, lazily stretching. 

“Am’ sure he’ll be back soon…” Hiori offered, smiling slightly. 

Isagi highly doubted that. 

Sae stared at them, arms crossed and eyes glinting with quiet calculation as they swept over all of them.

Then he spoke. “Do you guys want to come in?”

Isagi’s jaw dropped.

Even Bachira looked a little surprised.

Shidou didn’t hesitate. “The Itoshi Sae inviting us into his crib? Who would ever deny this once in a lifetime opportunity?” He grinned playfully.

With that, he just waltzes past Sae, into the house. Like he belonged there.

Sae just stood to the side, no objection or words of welcome. He watched as Shidou casually strolled into his childhood house like he owned the place, before turning back to them with a questioning brow.

Bachira was the next to enter the Itoshi residence, quickly slipping past Sae. Hiori followed, dragging Nagi — who was trying to merge with the wall — along by the arm.

Now only Sae and Isagi remained outside.

Isagi swallowed. Angling his gaze down, he was beginning to head inside as well when—

“Isagi Yoichi.”

Isagi’s head shot up. “You remember my name?” He blurted.

“Of course. You were the heart of Blue Lock.”

A sense of pride swelled up in his chest because he was finally recognised, he opened his mouth. 

“Why are you letting us in?” He unexpectedly asked. 

Sae didn’t answer for a few seconds, eyes boring into Isagi as he just stood there, lips firmly sealed. Isagi thought he was going to get kicked out before even entering the house then, but after a few beats more, Sae replied. “Because you’re friends with Rin.”

Isagi winced. They weren’t friends with Rin. Hell, the last time he had even seen Rin, the younger had officially declared Isagi  as a rival, promising to kill him.

But before he could say anything, Sae had already started to walk back into the house. A silent order for Isagi to follow along lest he wanted to get lost, or continue to stand outside like an idiot.

Today was going to be a bad day.

***

They ended up in the living room. 

It was…plain, to put it at best. The cushions on the L-shaped sofa were perfectly propped up, and the sofa itself looked brand new. No old marks or stains, not even so much of a tiny rip in the fabric. Like nobody has ever sat on it. 

Two armchairs rested on each side of the living room, all centered around the glass coffee table.

The place was fairly big, bigger than the average size of a living room in Japan. A coffee table sat in the middle, and a plush carpet covered the ground. Even the TV, a wide inch sleek one that rested on  a fancy looking TV stand.

In short, the house looked straight out of an advertisement.

Isagi sat, too still and tense to be normal. Hyper aware of every movement he made as the group just sat there, awkwardly.

Sae had wandered off somewhere, probably to grab something. 

Shidou leaned comfortably into the fabric of the sofa, arms slung back, legs crossed. Sitting right beside Isagi

Nagi was already dozing off at the corner of the sofa where it curved into an ‘L’,  while hugging one of the many throw pillows that lined the sofa when they first entered.

Hiori and Bachira were whispering to each other animatedly just a few inches away from Nagi’s spot, actually sitting on the extended part of the sofa , even giggling every once in a while while they looked around the house from their seats.

Isagi really wanted to go home. What was he even doing here?

Isagi let out a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding, finally relaxing a bit as he felt his shoulders loosen, tension easing. Isagi finally decided to glance around a bit, observing his surroundings.

The more he looked around, the more things he noticed. Everything was way too clean, yet dusty. Not a single family photo decorated the walls or surfaces. Not even a trophy Isagi was sure Rin and Sae had plenty of. Not a single personal belonging loitering the house, forgotten to be kept away — it was like nothing was out of place.

Instead, only a few artificial plants were scattered around. Other than that? Empty. 

The Itoshi household felt so empty.

Fake even, and he was already beginning to miss his own warm home waiting for his return. He didn’t even want to know how Rin used to live in this place.

Isagi pulled his gaze away from the house, focusing back onto his hands, which were fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“What’s that?”

Isagi looked up. Shidou was no longer sinking into the sofa anymore, now leaned forward and — poking something resting on the coffee table?

Isagi blinked.

Bachira stopped his conversation with Hiori, also looking at the — book? — that laid innocently on the coffee table.

“Beats me.” Bachira shrugged. “It looks ancient!”

“Bachira.” Isagi hissed.

“Look at that thing!”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. The book cover was just plain red. No book title or anything. But there were a few questionable stains at the edges of it that were already curling upwards. It looked old.

Interesting.

Possibly the most interesting so far in this whole house. 

Because it was the only thing here that actually felt loved, because it was worn. Not crisp like everything else. Not fake.

Like the pair of well loved cleats Isagi used to own, they were old and damaged but that only spoke of how many times Isgai has worn them, and therefore loved them. 

It felt loved, treasured.

The five boys all began to crowd around the book. All inspecting it while spewing random theories.

It must’ve looked crazy from an outside perspective. Five young adults circled around a book that looked like it was used to cast spells, all talking at different speeds. Like they were getting ready to do a ritual and sacrifice someone to the football gods or something.

Even Nagi was lazily contributing to the the growing conspiracy theories.

It definitely looked crazy from an outsider's view. Which is why when Sae had stepped back into the living room, all he could do was stare.

“Oh for fucks sake, I’ll just open it.”

“No! What if you get cursed—”

“What are you guys doing.”

All five of them jumped in shock. And Isagi swore his head snapped so quickly in the direction where that dry, bored voice came from, he got whiplash.

Oh shit.

“Sae-chan!” Shidou sang. “Just who I wanted to see!”

Sae merely raised a single eyebrow, before beginning to walk over to where all of them were seated.

“What’s in that book?” Bachira asked almost immediately. Straightforward and direct, While Sae got closer and closer.

Well, they were caught anyway. No point in lying now he guessed.

Sae didn’t answer. He walked straight to the unoccupied seat of the middle of the sofa, right in front of the coffee table, and plopped himself down.

Hiori flashed Isagi an uncertain look, before looking back to Sae, who didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.

Hands reach to pick up the book laying on the table, plucking them from its spot.

The book slotted perfectly against Sae’s hands. Like they belonged there.

Then, the elder opened it. Flipping through the first few pages.

Curiosity burned in his chest as Isagi ever-so-slowly leaned over, trying to get a glimpse of the contents of the mysterious book. Shidou, who was closer, had also tilted his body closer to Sae so as to see what was inside.

Bachira and Hiori, who was on the other side, scooted over, pushing against each other as they leaned closer as well. And in the process, pushed Nagi along who was too lazy to move.

The six of them were all awkwardly piled onto the sofa, with Sae in the middle, sandwiched by Shidou and Isagi on his right and Nagi, Bachira and Hiori on his left. All focused on the book in his hands.

After struggling for a bit more, Isagi finally manages to catch a glimpse of what seems to be…baby photos?

Baby photos.

Of Rin.

Bachira gasped. Hiori’s eyes widened in surprise. Maybe delight. Nagi leaned in a little more, like he was taking a second glance to make sure he’d seen correctly.

Shidou stilled. And Isagi? His mouth hung agape as he saw the recognisable dark green hair, even as little as there was.

That was clearly Rin.

Who else could it be?

Everything happened all at once, the room erupting into squeals, questions and noises in general.

Isagi didn’t even make a peep. Because His lower jaw was still detached.

“That,” Shidou pointed at the picture. “Was RinRin?”

“He was so cute!” Bachira exclaimed, a hand grabbing the book, not pulling but resting.

“Oh my,” Hiori giggled.

Shidou looked even closer, eyes squinted. “But how! He’s such an emo now, you’re telling me he used to be this chubby thing?”

“He looked less like a sludge monster…” Nagi paused to think. “And more like a kitten."

“There’s even more! Sae flip the pages please!” Bachira begged, wanting to see more of a version of Rin who was lost to time.

Sae wordlessly began flipping through the photo album, pages and pages filled with photos of Rin, and even himself from their childhood. Photos of Rin playing in the sand as Sae pouted at the side, of Rin smiling sweetly, childlike innocence filling his face and chubby cheeks puffed out. Pictures of Rin opening Christmas gifts, holding up an owl drawing, along with a doodle of Sae and him at the side.

It was so—

Cute.

Isagi found himself also laughing along with the others as they flipped through each page. To imagine the brooding Rin, who was blunt and rude to everyone as a sweet little child trying (and failing according to Sae) to blow out his birthday candles felt surreal.

Sae even joined in, giving flat commentary on the context between each picture. Like the one where a younger Sae was seen dragging his brother off the beach, because he apparently tried to eat a mouthful of sand. He recounted through silly childhood stories with a straight face, while Shidou howled, sputtering something about ‘blackmail’ within sucking in breaths. Bachira cooed at the pictures and wholly defended Rin’s phase of trying to eat sand, while Hiori laughed softly at his side. Nagi joined in, pointing at certain pictures and making quips.

This wasn’t so bad after all.

***

Rin was having a shitty day.

He’s so incredibly screwed over.

His chest heaved, legs burning as he finally stopped in front of his house. He panted, wiping off the sweat on his forehead he had accumulated while running home with an arm.

He wished he had checked his phone earlier. If he did, he could’ve prevented all of this. Judging by Bachira’s spam of messages.

But no matter how fast he ran, there was no way he could’ve stopped them anyway. The singular message of ‘we’re here!!!’ was all Rin needed to know that the damage was already done.

Who’s ‘we’ anyways?

Surely Sae would’ve shooed them away, right?

Nothing to worry about.

Rin readjusted his grip on the grocery bag for the tenth time, lines already etched into his skin from it digging into his palms.

He took a shuddering breath before fishing out his keys and unlocking the door, pushing it open.

As soon as Rin entered he could hear laughing. Multiple people laughing.

Seems like he really underestimated Sae’s resolve to fuck with him.

Rin felt his heart catch in his throat as he slipped off his shoes, closing the door behind him quietly.

It didn’t seem like they’d noticed him yet. Maybe he could sneak up to his room and camp it out until they eventually figured Rin wasn’t going to come back for awhile, get bored and leave.

Yeah, totally doable plan. He’s got this.

Using all one hundred and one percent of his stealth skills, the 186cm athlete began to tiptoe to the stairs. Located right in front of the entrance, thankfully. Never has he been more grateful for the layout of their house.

Rin wouldn’t be able to put away the groceries, since the kitchen was an open one connected to the living room, but that was fine. Rin would make do.

Until he caught a glimpse of the group piled up on the sofa through the open door leading to the living room.

Because Sae was there. In the middle of all of those NPC’s. Talking to them as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

And Rin felt an ugly emotion begin to seep into his heart, taking hold and rooting itself deep inside the muscle.

Why could Sae talk to those people so easily, but not speak a single word to Rin? 

He was clearly capable of holding up a conversation and — cracking jokes? Judging by the way the other five were roaring with laughter.

And if possible, Rin felt his heart squeeze even more, a dry lump forming in the back of his throat when he catches a glimpse of a stupid sprout ahoge in the colour of dark blue.

There was only one person he knew with that stupid sprout.

Isagi Yoichi.

The person that Sae has acknowledged over Rin.

Rin clicked his tongue, feeling the sharp bite of his nails carving painfully into his palms as he just stood there frozen.

Seriously. Why should Rin care? Sae clearly didn’t. (Or did he? Rin doesn’t know. He doesn’t know — not anymore.)

He’s about to unfreeze himself from his spot and scurry up the stairs when he finally tunes back in enough to hear the words, “Rin-chan was so cute back then!” tumble out of Bachira’s mouth.

Huh. 

Only three words can be used to describe the sheer horror Itoshi Rin was currently experiencing.

What. The. Fuck.

No. What the actual fuck?

The bag slipped from his fingers, hitting the ground with a loud crash. But they didn’t seem to notice, still too busy fussing over—

Rin didn’t want to believe it.

There was no way in hell they had gotten their hands in his baby pictures. No.

Without thinking, Rin began moving. Each step heavy as he rushed over to the living room.

Nagi, Bachira, Hiori were there. Rin would let it slide, barely. Isagi? He was going to mangle him.

But Shidou Ryusei? No. No fucking way.

Thanks to his long limbs, he was able to see what exactly they were all huddled on the sofa fixated on. And his stomach lurched when he realized the very familiar pages of a certain photo album. Filled with his baby and childhood pictures.

“What the fuck do you all think you’re doing?” 

Silence washed over the living room.

Slowly, Bachira turned his head backwards to face Rin’s death glare.

“Hey Rin-chan!” The boy smiled shakily, nervous.

Rin didn’t say a word.

Shidou has turned around too, but unlike Bachira, a smug smirk tugged at his lips. Fearless. 

Then everyone, except Sae — watched, terrified, in slow motion as Shidou opened his big fat mouth and said, “you were really cute as a baby, RinRin!”

The effect was instantaneous. 

Rin flushed bright red from a mix of anger and embarrassment as he snapped. The younger stormed over to the couch, before roughly snatching the photo album out of Sae’s hands, slamming it shut.

“Get out! All of you!”

“W-wait! We came to—” Isagi stuttered.

Rin’s murderous glare zoned in on him. “Do I look like I care? Get the hell out of my house!”

“Aweee, is RinRin embarrassed?” Shidou grinned darkly. “You sure liked to eat sand.”

Hiori’s face dropped as he began to hold his hands up in a placating manner. “Don’t listen ta’ him Rin. We’ll take our leave now.”

Rin, who looked a second away from the bursting vein, only vaguely pointed towards the entrance. “Leave. Now.”

Nagi yawned. Stretching lightly. “Hassle. It’s comfy here, can’t we stay?”

“I’ll show you comfy when I—”

“We’re leaving! We’re leaving!” Isagi squeaked. 

Grabbing Shidou and Bachira, fueled with nothing but adrenaline, Isagi began to haul out a pouting Shidou and a nervously laughing Bachira towards the entrance, while Hiori supported Nagi with an arm, leading the way out.

Rin watched as the five finally disappeared from view, his face still flushed and the grip on the photo album in his hands a little too tight.

God this was embarrassing.

He’s never recovering from this. Please strike him down already.

Rin bit his cheek, looking at the album in his hands as he just glared at it for a few solid seconds.

Until he remembered Sae was still here, the true catalyst of this whole situation.

Anger’s familiar waves washed over him, as he looked towards his brother, still resting on the sofa, back turned and completely neutral. 

Bastard.

While he was getting ready to cuss Sae out, the elder suddenly spoke. “That devil was right. You did love to eat sand for a while.”

Rin threw the album at Sae’s head instead.

Chapter Text

Sae’s eyes stare at him.

They’ve been staring at him everyday, through the mirror when he looks at it, through the glimpses of his reflection he catches on windows of shops, puddles and the ocean. It’s funny how even when Sae travelled all the way to Spain, it was like he never fully left.

But this time, it’s the real deal.

They stare at him, yet through him, gaze cutting through every pore on his face, to the curve of his nose and even the eyelashes that dot the bottom of his eyes. A trait they both share. The two eyes remain on him with indifference that screams at Rin’s mediocrity, waving the red flag of disgust in front of his very face. 

“Big bro…” Rin whispers, voice like fractured glass, ready to shatter. 

White seems to cloud his vision, and the burgundy of Sae’s hair stands out against the plain colour. Even here with only the two of them on the field, Sae still seems to demand attention even without seeking it, ordering it from the world itself. And the earth obeys.

It’s not surprising. 

In the sea of white, Sae sticks out. Like he always has.

Rin swallows, throat dry. He knows it’s snowing, but the biting chill of winter strays far from his mind, he can’t even feel it, even as he is currently collapsed on the icy ground, hair hanging over his face almost in shame. He feels defeated, lost, and all he’s done is sit here, with his brother just a few feet away.

For such a crossable distance, it still feels as though Sae is still halfway across the globe, far from his reach and up with the leagues. As if even if Rin were to reach out right now, to seek the only warmth in this harrowing cold that seems to encompass the whole world, his fingers would pass right through the figure that stands before him.

Sae is standing. Rin is not.

Without his own will, Rin seemingly starts to speak, and a sick sense of deja vu sends shivers down his spine instead of the cold he cannot feel.

 This movie has already played before, this is just the end credits. 

He knows how this will end, doesn’t he?

“After you went away I… did my best…” He tries to reason, maybe to gain pity points. “To become the best in Japan and then get scouted, like you did…”

A bead of cold sweat rolls down the side of Rin’s face, his eyes burning hot despite the cool winter breeze freezing his body.

“I tried to become someone who could replace you…” Rin watches Sae’s blank expression desperately, waiting to see a glimpse of his brother behind those cold eyes. 

At the face of such heart-warming words, Sae’s heart however, remains frozen, iced-over. 

“I fought for the team…” Rin’s voice cracks, letting Sae see past the gaps. “And then I became the best in Japan, just like I promised.”

The betrayal is cloying as Rin tries to breathe. “But now…you’re saying we’re done…?” He doesn’t want what he has been working on for so long just to be over in a single night, all in one trip back ‘home’. It’s almost poetic, how everything his life amounted to could just be ended so easily, so abruptly.

“If I can chase my dream with you then I…” He breathes shakily. “I don’t have any reason to play soccer at all.”

The concept of silence is an interesting thing Rin has learnt over the years. It’s not bad, not good, just there. For what stands for the absence of noise, silence speaks louder than anything else. Silence can speak of so many different emotions that can’t be encaptured in something as simple as words, it can tell so much even without really speaking at all. It can be weaponised, it can pave way for thoughts, bring tranquility and comfort. 

Silence is not an inherently cruel thing, yet Sae uses it as such, tainting the one thing Rin has to live with every waking moment of his life since his brother left. 

He resists the urge to curl him on himself, and burrow into the snow, past the dirt beneath and become one with the earth again as the silence stretches on, past acres of green and across the expanse of the ocean. Rin wants to shrivel back into dust, into times where he did not exist yet. 

“Then fucking quit.” 

Turns out, Sae didn’t need the silence to speak for him. The disgust in his voice crawls over Rin’s skin uncomfortably and he shudders a little. It’s three words, all filled to the brim with disgust, punching the remaining air out of Rin’s lungs. 

Rin’s body tenses, his head snapping up. His eyes are wide, in a haze of confusion, betrayal and hurt. They burn, but looking up at Sae’s unflinching blank stare, he can’t help but take notice of how different their eyes probably look at the moment. There’s an unfamiliar coldness that brews behind the teal irises that his brother bears. Rin can’t help but want to beg Sae not to sever their last connection to each other, the last thread of similarity they share in the form of their eyes.

“You’re luke-warm.”

Then panic struck. It claws at his heart, pounding its heavy fist at the inside of his chest, desperate to escape. Rin is no different, he is desperate, and scared. Scared of the next words that his brother will spit at him, mercy be damned. He is terrified an ugly truth will spill out, one after the next, leaving him to the fate of loneliness again, but this time he won’t come back.  Rin might finally open his eyes to find that he has been trapped in the web of ignorance.

“Did you want me to console you or something? Dumbass.”

Yes, Rin wanted to cry, scream, until his throat was scrubbed raw from shouting all his hurt out, until his voice was hoarse, just to prove something. Maybe if he imagined hard enough, the snow beneath his hands could become plush grass that cushions him comfortably. The dark, unsettling sky would turn bright again, as if trying to tell him everything was still fine. If he shut his eyes and prayed hard enough, maybe Sae would walk over to his collapsed form, crouching down and patting his head, saying, “that was amazing, Rin.”

And Sae did walk. The sound of snow being crushed under weight was unbearably loud, when Rin blinked, Sae was already moving, steps heavy and words even heavier. They weighed down onto Rin, one cruelly cold remark at a time, physically pining down his chest, eating away at his stomach. He didn’t walk to Rin however, Sae walked right past him. 

Like he never saw him in the first place.

Earth itself has always acknowledged Sae, as he brushed past Rin, a sharp gust of wind suddenly picked up, blowing at Rin’s hair and clothes, nipping at his skin. If he could feel anything physically other than numbness, Rin would say the wind only made everything impossibly colder.

Sae was leaving. 

“Get lost Rin.”

Rin’s chest squeezed painfully tight, like trying to pop his heart straight out from his chest just to let the rest of the world hear the sorrow that it was currently singing like its personal melody. Just to let everyone see it bleeding from the sheer desperation and grief he felt. 

“You’re not necessary in my life anymore.” Rin can’t help but think if he was ever needed in the first place, judging by how easily he was discarded, like he never mattered at all.

It hurts. Rin stares at his brother’s back, the lights in the football field glaring and unbearably bright. 

Panic slowly began to swallow one emotion at a time, then once it was done with emotions, it moved onto consuming each of his laboured breaths, taking the oxygen for itself.

“Big…bro…” He whispers, almost delicately when all he was built for was just destroyed. But Sae doesn’t stop. He keeps walking, suitcase in hand, ready to run off to Spain again without even looking back at him. 

The last time Sae was leaving for Madrid, it was with a bright smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he beamed back at Rin. This time, it was with a look of pure disgust, hatred that looked like it ran so deep Rin wasn’t ever sure he would be able to dig it all up. 

Sae was leaving. Rin collapses forward, stomach lurching along with his body. God— Rin was going to puke, but even the thought of it struck at a fresh wound inflicted by one of Sae’s previous jabs. 

His vision blurs, even if all he’s staring at is white. 

Sae is leaving—

Rin jolts up from his bed, one leg tangled in his blanket, another hanging limply off the mattress in the air. His clothes are damp with sweat and the darkness of his room feels endless, sentient. 

His heart raced, beating frantically, but it wasn’t quite the same as the beat of his heart when he ran around a soccer field for ninety minutes, it was much worse. He felt nauseous, it’s almost like his heart had accidentally travelled to his ear with how loud his heartbeat was.

He only has two thoughts as he tries to pound his chest into functioning normally. Namely, what the fuck. And, holy shit.

When he finally rights himself, because Rin is not pathetic, he realises it was a nightmare. Or more like a disturbingly vivid recount of that whole debacle. A grimace graces his face while he runs a hand through his hair, propping himself against the headrest of his bed. He would’ve rather…not relived that moment. 

It’s only now that he notices how cold it is, probably due to the sheen of sweat that now coats his skin, glistening under the moonlight that quietly peeks through his curtains. It reminds him of the chill that day, and he quickly cuts off that train of thought. 

He should probably get a shower, he felt gross. 

Narrowing his eyes, Rin squints through the darkness, looking for the alarm clock he keeps on his nightstand. Soon enough, he finds it as the soft glow of the digital alarm tells him it’s only two in the morning. 

He can’t go back to sleep now, not after that. Sighing heavily through his nose, Rin just sucks it up, this is his fate now. Besides, it’s not rare for this to happen, even if it eased a little throughout Blue Lock. This used to be practically routine to him.

So with that, Rin forces himself up, stumbling a little through the hallway a little too loud than he probably should, he prepares himself a hot shower. 

Not long after, Rin is sitting in front of his computer, booting up a new horror game he’s been itching to try. The glow of his screen illuminates the otherwise dark room, and Rin contently leans back into his chair, a controller in hand.

This was what he used to do back then, after having his beauty sleep disrupted by one of those weird dreams. He would instantly load up a horror game — it didn’t matter if it was good or bad — before just sitting there, playing it. It was a good distraction, his thoughts quietened in order to focus on the game, becoming numb as he just mindlessly let muscle memory take over, fingers moving by themselves over the controller. 

He didn’t have to think. Just him, and his computer. 

Tonight wasn’t any different as the sounds of buttons being clicked and the eerie music of the game filled his room. He didn’t really like using headphones when playing.

As a jumpscare popped up, he simply watched blankly. When it was finally over, he continued his original objective, not even batting an eye. After years of watching horror movies, he has simply become desanitized to jumpscares.  

Rin cursed quietly as he made a wrong turn, ultimately leading him straight to the killer NPC, he got away by juking the idiotic thing that couldn’t even carry out its programming properly of course. 

Even though Rin has done this plenty of times already, he feels the slight excitement that thrums underneath his skin, adrenaline breathing straight into his lungs as he narrowly avoids getting killed. It’s a familiar mix of the two  feelings and he welcomes it openly, tongue peeking out slightly as he focuses all his attention onto his screen. In times where simply the thought of soccer makes him sick in the stomach, this was a good distraction and temporary replacement.

The sound of a door creaking open made Rin pause. His finger flitted over the controller in his hands, shifting around to see what  had made that noise, cautiously scanning every corner of the room he was in to check if the stupid killer had stumbled upon him. 

To his utter confusion, none of the doors in the game had opened, the crease between his brows only deepened further as he spun around again, doing a double check. He wasn’t about to die to this dumb NPC and lose all his progress. But like before, all the doors in the room he was in remained shut and he mutters “what” under his breath.

Could he have been imagining things? 

“Rin.”

Rin immediately tenses, shoulders hiking up slightly as he immediately whips around, tearing his eyes away from the bright light of his screen to find Sae standing at the entrance of his bedroom. It’s only thanks to his experience that he doesn’t shriek in surprise.

His whole body is still recovering from the deafening roar of his fight-or-flight instincts when he drags a hand over his face.

“Don’t fucking do that.” Rin slumps in his chair, tension leaking out his shoulders as soon as he realised it wasn’t an intruder, just his shitty brother. And somehow, that was even worse.

“Watch your mouth.” Sae merely comments dryly, eyes glancing over the ongoing game displayed on Rin’s big computer screen. “Did I scare you?”

Rin bristles, a snarl already forming on his face. “No. I just didn’t expect someone to just barge into my room at—” Rin squints at the digital clock still on his nightstand. “At like three in the morning.” 

Sae doesn’t answer, but he does take a step into the room, gently closing the door behind him. Rin can’t help the confused look that takes over the previous glare, sitting up just a bit straighter in his chair as his brother, for no reason, enters his room without permission.

“What’re you doing?” Rin warily asks, the tense awkwardness in the air was almost tangible as Rin fully turns his chair to face Sae.

Sae, being the asshole he is, ignores the question. Instead, he counters by firing back one of his own, effectively dodging the question. “Why’re you up?”

Rin is embarrassed to admit that it works, and he is quickly distracted by the question.

The words “bad dream” is on the tip of his tongue before he clicks his mouth shut again, fighting the instinctual words that now sat bitterly in mouth. Things have changed, Sae is no longer the big brother he was back then, and Rin no longer drools in his sleep. (That’s a lie.) 

He is not about to tell this Sae he woke up from something as childish as a nightmare. 

Rin takes one glance back at the momentarily forgotten screen behind him, before looking back at Sae. “Couldn’t sleep.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just a half-truth. “Why are you up?”

He eyes Sae up and down suspiciously while furrowing his brows, just to make a point.

Sae shrugged. “You were loud.” 

Three words is all it takes as Rin flushes, he didn’t think he had been that loud when he was going to the bathroom. Sure, he bumped into the wall a few times, maybe tripped over his feet in the darkness once or twice but he wasn’t being that loud.

Grabbing a forgotten chair in the corner of Rin’s room, Sae places it right next to Rin’s own before plopping down. Like he belonged there. Rin didn’t even know he had that chair there, he does not remember dragging one into his room.

“What’re you doing?” Rin repeats, narrowing his eyes at the other. “Get out of my room?” He hates the way he says it like a question.

Sae only gives him his classic blank look. “Pass me a controller.”

Rin stares. Sae stares back.

“Hah?”

To put it simply, Rin is beyond confused right now. Itoshi Sae just randomly came into his room, dragged a chair next to him and sat down…and is now asking for a controller? 

“Are you going deaf? I said, pass me a controller.” Sae sighs quietly, giving Rin the most unimpressed stare he’s ever seen, all while Rin is still reeling from the first time he asked before. 

“I heard you the first time, idiot.” Rin scowls. “Why?”

Even as Rin questions, he complies anyway, body moving without even thinking. He grabs an extra controller he had bought, for no reason at all, slightly dusty from un-use before pushing it into Sae’s awaiting palms. A waste of money, he had thought when he first walked out the store with two controllers instead of one. Guess it finally had a purpose now.

Sae hums before looking at the screen. He adjusts the controller in his hands a little, feeling it out, hands awkward, like he’s never held one before.

“Oh.” Rin realises. 

Looking now at the reflection of the screen in teal irises, Rin figures out what Sae probably wants from him, his mouth hanging slack just slightly.

“Do you want to…” He gestures at the screen with the controller in his hold. “Try playing?”

“Yeah.” Sae answers, before his gaze diverts to the wooden floors below.The controller still looks awkward in his grasp, almost out of place. If Rin wasn’t currently so stunned, he would have snorted at how stupid Sae looked.

“Oh.” Rin says again. Intelligently. 

Sae shuffles a little in his seat as Rin disconnects from the ongoing game, paying his respects to his now lost progress. All in the favor of connecting to a multiplayer lobby instead, so Sae can actually join him.

“How do you use this?” He questions after a few moments of silence, Rin had just finished booting up a new game, connecting both controllers. 

Rin blinks. 

“You’ve….no idea how to use a controller…?”

Sae nods his head, looking the most awkward he’s ever been. Rin looks, disbeliefing, at the older for a few seconds. Once he is done with his gawking, he clears his throat. “I’ll teach you.”

Once the characters load in, Rin immediately gets busy. He leans over, slowly walking Sae through each of the controls, stiffly explaining what each button and switch on the controller does.

“No, that button is to jump.” Rin messages his nose bridge with his fingers with a half a mind to just throw Sae out.

“I don’t get it.”

Rin bites back a groan as he leans over again. “What do you not get?”

By all means, he isn’t a good teacher, and he ends up with a confused Sae by the end of each of his flat attempts at teaching and has to reword all his explanations over and over.

Just when Rin thinks he is about to reach his limit, Sae finally gets a hold of the controls, and he almost cheers in relief. 

“Finally.” Rin grunts, finally collapsing back into his own chair, ready to start after what seemed like years of trying to teach Sae the ropes. “Took long enough.”

“What’s this even about?” Sae asks, trailing after Rin closely in game. Good, the split screen function was a pain in the ass.

 The two characters stop in front of a house that practically screams haunted, dead trees decorating the area surrounding the building creepily, like all forms of life were trying to avoid this house. Even the grass was dead, and Rin swears there was some sort of tombstone off the path they had shortly followed here.

“We’re basically trying to exorcise this house. According to the game, the owner of this house passed away in here after being murdered, and his daughter wants to renovate it. But she claims evil vengeful supernatural forces haunt the halls of this dump.”

“Sounds easy.”

Rin grunted. “It is. The stupid killer bot sucks.”

“Killer bot?” Sae’s character stops in front of the worn door to the dilapidated looking building, inspecting it. Rin can see the same analytical glint in his eyes in the U-20 match, and his jaw clenches slightly.

Rin’s thumb pushes the joystick forward, making his own character stop at the entrance of the worn house as well. “Well, yeah. The game would be boring otherwise.”

Sae doesn’t give him an answer, but the sound of a button being hit ensues, and the door flings open.

“Keep close,” Rin mutters absentmindedly, not wanting to trigger the split screen in the middle of fleeing from the creature that will inevitably spawn later. “We need to activate the first ritual.”

“I thought we were exorcising this place, not summoning more ghosts.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “I didn’t make the game. Plus we are summoning the ghosts to exorcise them, genius.”

The two of them continue to work in silence, collecting the items needed for the objective in relative peace. Rin must admit, the graphics of this game weren’t bad. If anything’s considered, Rin would say it really did well in the aspect of giving off that odd feeling that something wasn’t right. He appreciates it as he goes through the motion of the first objective, while things are easier.

Sae on the other hand, can be seen struggling in the corner of his eye. He hits the wrong buttons constantly, awkwardly moving through the eerie house with his limited gaming skills. It takes all of Rin’s willpower not to openly cringe or laugh at the other’s poor gameplay.

“I found the last candle.” Sae says, fingers clumsily shifting the joystick of his controller to go back to the ritual site on the first floor of this two-story house. 

“Good.” Rin replies, already waiting downstairs. “Hurry, get down here.” 

After Sae makes his way down, the first objective is finally complete, and Rin immediately rushes to do the second. They have to find a journal and read it. It’s not too exciting but Rin knows better.

Suddenly, he lights up with an idea, stealing a glance towards Sae’s direction. Sae still has an apathetic expression plastered to his face, the one that gives off the feeling of boredom, and Rin nearly smirks.

“Sae, you go up and read the journal. My flashlight is running out, I need to find batteries.”

Sae acknowledges his words by simply just shifting his character, going up the stairs. Rin watches the split screen with anticipation as Sae approaches the journal on the table at the end of the hall, just beside the office. The lighting around is creepy, flickering as if it was waiting for something, the shadows seem to whisper, the kind to eat you alive. Sae heeds it no mind as he just stalks towards the book, with no fear at all.

It takes a few seconds to scan through the contents inside the journal, which was very little. Sae exits the page, and not even a second later, a hideous creature comes bursting through the side of the wall, leaving a hole in the wall from where it barged out from.

The reaction was instantaneous. 

Rin watches as Sae’s eyes widen, body tensing, going rigid as he draws slightly back from the screen. It’s not much, but from Itoshi Sae, it’s enough. Rin can’t help but smirk, letting a little snort and giggle escape his throat, before slapping a hand over his mouth, trying to regain his composure.

Sae simply just sits there. Slowly, he turns to Rin, face unimpressed and a brow drawn up. “You knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” 

“Your sense of humor is shit.” Sae huffs, shoulders relaxing back into a slouch, attention drawn back to the horror game. Rin watches in amusement as Sae narrowly avoids getting absolutely mauled to death by the monster, hiding behind a plant pot. 

Sae exits the hiding spot, moving around while crouching just like the game had suggested when they first loaded in. “How does this even conceal my character?”

“Game logic.” Rin says, also trying to avoid the creature creeping around the house. The sounds of awfully heavy footsteps thunder throughout the building, and it joins in with the creepy background music echoing throughout his room. 

Rin focuses as his screen begins to shake, signalling the monster was somewhere near him. His character even jumps a little in game, as the floor beneath seems to quake. What a fattass. 

Sae’s character crouches near him, they’re in the office, reading another journal. “We’re supposed to sneak out of this house?” 

“That’s what the objective says. But the monster is walking around this whole place so we have to be careful.”

Sae begins to move his character forward to exit the room, not even bothering to conceal his character’s loud footsteps with each creak of the floorboard that plays, sounding out through Rin’s speakers. 

Rin feels his stomach lurch as he watches Sae recklessly move across the room, mouth opening to warn him. “Wait, you should—”

The office door swings open, courtesy of Sae.

Right then, the ground begins to tremble, their screens vibrating as the telltale sounds of footsteps begin to ring in their ears. Even the sounds of Sae’s character’s heartbeat and laboured breathing joins in the mix, and Rin wants to laugh. 

He really, really wants to laugh.

From his corner behind the office desk, still crouched, Rin’s eyes flicker between his own screen and Sae’s. He watches as Sae abruptly stops moving his character, frozen to his spot at the doorway, and immediately being killed by the monster after. Rin watches in amusement as the death jumpscare illuminates Sae’s split screen, while his brother’s exasperated face watches on.

“Ow.”

Sae respawns. “Shut up.”

For the next few minutes, Rin gets to be the witness to Sae’s hopeless gaming skills. He watches as Sae dies, again and again, despite respawning at the entrance of the house, with their destination just a room away. 

Sae keeps repeating the same mistake of forgetting to crouch, and running. Letting his footsteps alert the monster to his location each time, being murdered instantly. Rin holds back a laugh as Sae’s face drops, frown becoming deeper with each death. 

He has forgotten how much of a sore loser Sae was. His brother never liked to lose. It’s no surprise as each time he dies, Sae manages to utter a new excuse every time, refusing to admit the problem was him.

“The half-baked loser is camping!” Sae grumbles, after he dies. Again. 

Rin rolls his eyes. He wants to tell Sae the monster was only there because he refused to use the crouch function, or the walk option even for that matter. His character’s loud footsteps were drawing the monster there.

“Sae.” Rin snaps. As much fun as it has been watching Sae struggle pathetically, Rin wants to actually play and complete the game. “Crouch. Running attracts the monster because your footsteps are too loud.”

“Oh.”

Rin exhales sharply through his nose. “I’ll distract it, you try to getting out the house.” 

True to his words, Rin manages to draw the monster upstairs by grabbing a plate and throwing it on the ground, hurriedly rushing to a hiding spot as soon as the loud sound of a plate shattering breaks through the rest of the house. The monster immediately makes a break for it, judging by Sae’s split screen. It whips around from its spot in front of Sae’s hiding spot, disappearing out of frame.

Sae takes this as his cue, exiting the hiding place with a click of a button, running towards the entrance to the backyard. Actually, Rin is unsure where the opened door leads to, but it leads outside. He suspects this house just has a lot of entrances for some reason. 

Sae makes it out by the time the monster walks out of the office room, having found nothing. 

“How’re you going to escape?”

Rin doesn’t glance at him as he answers. “I can do it on my own. I don’t suck at the game.”

Sae’s leg kicks at Rin’s shin, making Rin lean to his right, focus still captured by the game as his left hand tilts, controller crooked in his grasp. 

“Stop it—” Rin grits, juking the monster NPC that randomly appeared, his fingers frantically presses at the buttons, the joystick being pushed around with a little too much force. “Damn split-screen.”

Rin’s character ducks into a hiding spot near the exit he needs to scramble out of, where Sae is waiting outside.

Waiting until his half of the screen stops shaking, Rin finally makes it out of the house, reuniting back with Sae.

“This is a waste of time.” Sae declares, gently tossing the controller onto Rin’s desk.

“You’re only saying that because you died. Again”

Sae crosses his arm, nose upturned as he glares at the screen. “It’s not my fault. The game is rigged.”

Rin shakes his head, still playing. He’s close to finishing the game. They’ve made it to the creepy open looking room, with stairs leading up to a second level that is corridors overlooking the first floor, lined with doors.

So far, he’s collected two coins needed to unlock something in another room. Rin doesn’t have the energy to explain. The monster’s towering form stops right in front of where he is crouched, but the dumb thing somehow doesn’t notice his character, despite the open area he is in without anything concealing him.

After this he needs to find one more of whatever item it was, and complete the third, and hopefully final ritual, 

“Come on. At least be bait and distract the thing or something. You’re useless.” Rin groans, crawling into a room. He has had to revive Sae five times now, and they’re running out of bandages. 

“What do you want me to do?” Sae retorts, reaching to pick up the controller again. 

Rin grits his teeth as he squints up at the screen. His flashlight had died awhile back, and the room was pitch black save for the few candle things that lit up certain parts of the massive room. His field of vision was very limited, and he couldn’t see that far ahead of him. Hell, he couldn’t even see the surroundings close to him clearly! Everything was consumed by darkness, and he couldn’t for the life of him find any batteries. 

“Just go into a room with a hiding place and smash plates. Keep it away from the second floor.”

Surprisingly, Sae somehow pulls it off. By the time he’s out of plates, Rin has already completed the last objective, rushing down to the first floor where ritual markings lie in the center of the room, illuminated by green candles. 

In just a few minutes, they are teleported back to the house, and told to go outside. There’s a final journal in front of a tombstone, and Rin manages to complete the final ritual, by himself of course. Sae just hides in a corner while he does all the work. 

Soon enough, they finally escape. The game is over.

Rin stretches in his chair, a yawn escaping his lips. His eyes burn slightly from gaming in the dark but he could care less. 

“We escaped?” Sae blinks, setting down the controller. “That was easy.”

Rin immediately snaps his head towards his brother. “Easy? You died like a hundred times. I did all the work!”

“I was simply helping to distract the monster so you could work more easily.” Sae defends, and Rin splutters at the counter. Was Sae trying to make a joke? 

Sae doesn’t laugh. 

“Bullshit.” Rin breathes, wanting to laugh from the absurdity of his claim.

“Sure, whatever.” Sae soothes. “The game sucked anyway, why do you even play these things?”

“They are fun. You just suck at games.” Rin shoots back, fingers flying across his keyboard as he closes the game. Briefly, he glances at the time at the bottom of his screen as well, taking note of the fact it was nearing five in the morning. 

There’s still lingering tension, Rin can taste it in the air. Hesitantly, he asks, “why did those idiots even come over today?”

Sae fidgets with the bracelets on his wrist. “They came to see you. But you were out.” 

“To see me?” Rin repeats incredulously. He doesn’t understand why they would come to pay him a visit, not after his repeated bites and crude attitude towards them. Yes, Rin is aware how blunt and ‘rude’ he came off as, he just didn’t care. He wasn’t at Blue Lock to make friends after all. “Why did you even let them in?”

When Sae doesn’t respond, Rin messages his eyes with his hands. “Nevermind. Forget it.”

They sit in silence, the room laced with unspoken words. They should probably talk about the other day, but somehow there’s a silent agreement between them not to mention anything that had conspired. No matter how much things have changed, it almost seems like when it really came down to it, Rin and Sae are still brothers in the end with that weird sibling telepathy, just corroded with betrayal and hurt now, hanging on by a thread. 

Somehow, things feel lighter between them now than they had a few hours prior. Like a weight was partially lifted. 

“You should probably go to bed.” Rin mutters, sinking into his chair, rubbing his eyes. “It’s like five.”

Sae seems to agree, as he stretches his arms and legs, before standing up slowly. RIn can barely see the way Sae’s expression scrunches up a little at the ache in his legs and back from sitting down for so long, illuminated by the light from his computer. But he does, and he watches as Sae drags the chair from where he took it from, placing it back gently.

Rin doesn’t turn around as the sound of the door clicking open seemingly bounces off the walls of his room. Instead, he busies himself with trying to turn off his computer before collapsing back in bed. Even just for an hour or two before he has to get up to start his day again.

“By the way,” Sae’s voice suddenly rips through the silence, making Rin turn his head back towards where the other stands in the doorway. “I signed us up for a cooking class tomorrow.”

Then he promptly leaves Rin’s room. Without closing the door. 

“What?” Rin gapes. “Hey! What do you mean us? Get back here!”

Rin’s shouts go unanswered as the rhythmic sounds of footsteps eventually fade, and the faint sound of another door being opened and closed carries through from somewhere down the hallway. 

Unbelievable.

Rin buries his face in his hands, before just staring up at the ceiling. Of course Sae chose to tell him this at five in the morning. Just perfect. He’ll be dragged out of the house on four hours of sleep or so. Totally fine. Rin grits his teeth. 

He’s going to kill Sae.

Looking back at the chair in the corner, and the extra controller laying on the desk, Rin only lets his eyes linger for a few seconds longer than he should’ve before heaving himself out of the chair, walking to close the door Sae left open. 

His heart beats a bit faster than usual, and Rin chooses to blame it on the horror game. 

Maybe buying that extra controller wasn’t a waste afterall. Rin thinks to himself, laying on his back against the firm plushness of his mattress.