Chapter Text
Scene: A quiet mountainside near Saiki’s neighborhood. Kusuo Saiki is attempting to enjoy a peaceful day away from the chaos of his daily life. However, the sky suddenly darkens, and a massive portal tears open above him. From the portal emerges Hoopa in its Unbound form, towering and radiating a menacing aura.
Saiki: (staring up at the colossal Hoopa with his usual blank expression) "Of course. The one time I leave the house to have some peace, this happens."
(thinking to himself) "Must be my psychic luck again. If I ever have a real day off, it’ll probably be the end of the world."
Hoopa (Unbound): (its deep, booming voice echoes across the mountain) "SAIKI! HOOPA FOUND YOU AGAIN! HAHAHA!"
(The massive figure bends slightly, grinning maliciously down at Saiki.)
"THIS IS HOOPA’S TRUE POWER! ARE YOU IMPRESSED?"
Saiki: (adjusting his glasses nonchalantly) "Impressed? Not really. You’re just bigger now. And louder. Both are annoying."
(thinking) "Why is it always me? Couldn’t this thing bother someone else for once?"
Hoopa (Unbound): (growls playfully) "HOOPA IS NOT ANNOYING! HOOPA IS STRONG! LOOK!"
(Hoopa waves one of its giant golden rings, and portals begin to open all around Saiki. From the portals, massive boulders, random objects, and even smaller Pokémon start falling through.)
"SEE? HOOPA CAN DO ANYTHING!"
Saiki: (casually catches a falling boulder midair with his psychic powers and sets it down gently) "Yeah, I can do that too. Anything else?"
(thinking sarcastically) "What’s next? Pulling rabbits out of hats? Oh wait, it’s already a clown."
Hoopa (Unbound): (momentarily stunned by Saiki’s nonchalant response) "W-WHAT? YOU CAN DO THAT TOO?!"
(The giant Pokémon leans closer, its red eyes narrowing) "YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING! HOOPA WILL FIND OUT!"
Saiki: (thinking to himself) "Why does everyone want to know about my powers? Can’t they just leave me alone?"
(Out loud, still deadpan) "I’m not hiding anything. You’re just not that impressive."
Hoopa (Unbound): (growls, visibly offended) "HOOPA IS GREAT AND POWERFUL! HOOPA WILL SHOW YOU!"
(With a roar, Hoopa waves its massive rings again, summoning an enormous portal in the sky. From it, a torrent of fire rains down toward the ground.)
Saiki: (yawns, raises one hand, and effortlessly stops the fire midair with his psychic power before it dissipates into harmless steam) "Is this supposed to scare me? I’ve had worse attempts from Nendo trying to light fireworks."
Hoopa (Unbound): (staring in disbelief) "W-WHAT?! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?! EVEN HOOPA CAN’T DO THAT!"
Saiki: (sighs) "Maybe you’re not as powerful as you think."
(thinking to himself) "What’s the quickest way to get rid of this thing before it starts throwing volcanoes at me?"
Hoopa (Unbound): (roars, growing more frustrated) "HOOPA IS THE STRONGEST! HOOPA WILL PROVE IT!"
(It raises both of its massive hands to summon an even larger portal, this time attempting to pull Saiki into another dimension.)
Saiki: (noticing the dimensional pull, still calm) "A portal? Really? That’s your big move?"
(With a flick of his hand, Saiki reverses the portal’s pull, sending the energy back at Hoopa.)
Hoopa (Unbound): (staggering backward as its own portal destabilizes) "WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
Saiki: (adjusting his glasses again) "I sent your portal energy back to you. It’s basic physics. Even I’m getting bored of explaining this."
(thinking to himself) "If I keep this up, it’ll probably give up, right?"
Hoopa (Unbound): (growling, but sounding less confident now) "HOOPA… HOOPA DOESN’T LIKE THIS!"
(It looks at Saiki nervously, realizing it may have underestimated him.)
Saiki: (crossing his arms, still unimpressed) "Then stop wasting my time and go back to wherever you came from. Or do I have to send you there myself?"
Hoopa (Unbound): (hesitates, then sighs dramatically) "FINE! HOOPA WILL GO… BUT HOOPA WILL COME BACK! NEXT TIME, HOOPA WILL BE EVEN STRONGER!"
(With a final roar, Hoopa opens a massive portal behind itself and vanishes, leaving Saiki alone once again.)
Saiki: (watching the portal close, expression still blank) "Good. Maybe this time it’ll stay gone for more than five minutes."
(He looks up at the now clear sky and sighs.)
"Why does the universe think I want to deal with this nonsense? I just wanted some coffee jelly."
(He turns and starts walking back home, already predicting that Hoopa will return someday—and bring even more chaos with it.)
End Scene.