Chapter Text
“Ah, you have finally seen fit to grace us with your presence.”
“Kamek,” Bowser growled a warning, “I am not in the mood. I’m tired.”
“Says the king who slept through the morning,” the magikoopa groused, slamming an enormous and extremely dusty tome down on the king’s desk.
Bowser coughed, waving some the old-book-smelling cloud away before it could make him sneeze sparks on all his paperwork. Kamek’s wand glowed and the pages rustled. It fell open to a page with an illustration of an oddly fuzzy creature gripping a tree trunk. It had fluffy ears, a dark nose and small, round eyes.
“What is this?” he asked, annoyed, shoving it back toward Kamek.
“A koala, your irritableness. You did ask.”
Oh. Yeah, he had, hadn’t he? This was a koala? It looked very unassuming, yet Luigi had favorably compared himself to one, so humans must like them. It was sort-of cute...if he leaned his head to one side and squinted a little.
“They are a largely tree-dwelling creature from the human realm. Apparently, they eat the leaves.”
“Strange,” he rumbled.
“Also, more than one book I found mentioned something about carrying the young about in a kind of pouch on their body. Almost all illustrations I came across were like this one and mostly, they appear to be sleeping whilst clinging to the trees. I also found this in the archives. Some kind of leaflet or advertisement.” He waved his wand and a brochure advertising something called an ‘animal meet and greet’ appeared spread out over the top of the book. It was battered and badly faded. Probably something that had fallen through one of the warp pipes years back when they were cataloguing all written material that came through. On it were multiple pictures of humans and all manner of animals he’d never seen before. In one of them, a woman was holding a koala. The creature was clinging to her and looking sleepy. Okay, the comparison was starting to make a bit more sense now. Pondering his human’s thought process brought his mind right back to the crux of the matter and he grumbled to his advisor: “Do we have any books on humans?”
Kamek eyed, him, exasperated, so he quickly clarified. “Behavior, I mean. Written by or for folks from this world.”
“Yes, of course we do, which your stubbornness should know very well since I’ve been trying for ages to get you to read it!”
POOF!
The giant dusty tome and animal brochure vanished, replaced by a red-bound leather book with a simply lined border.
“Humans: A Comprehensive Guide” the magikoopa announced, sounding exorbitantly pleased that he was finally taking an interest. He sighed, not sharing the old koopa’s enthusiasm. He didn’t want to read it—he needed to read it.
“Fine. Clear my appointments,” he grumbled, reaching into his desk for his reading glasses.
“Already done, your slackness, as I had no idea you planned to attend at all.”
Not rising to that bait, the king lifted the book and used one claw to flip through the first few pages, skipping the dedications and going straight to the table of contents to have a look.
Foreword: What we know, The Human World, Biology and Reproduction, Known Languages and Cultures, Customs, Uniquely Notable Characteristics, Interpersonal Relationships, Family Groups, Courting and Mating Rituals, Advice.
Bowser couldn’t tell for sure whether or not this book would be of any use to him at all, which was annoying. Seemed he’d actually have to read it. With a sigh, he opened it to the foreword and skimmed a few sentences. Pfft. 'There’s a lot we don’t know about the human world.' No shit. Letting off a little steam, he went on. Okay, fine. So, there were a lot of them. Also, not news. Hmm…
He got to the end of the introductory section and shot the still hovering Kamek a doubtful look.
“You sure this thing will be helpful? It says all humans are slightly different and deliberately concedes their sources are very narrow. A series of interviews with the Sarasaland royal family isn’t exactly comprehensive.”
“No, but their interview group also included a few other unwitting travelers and even a scientist. It is likely the best we have.”
Bowser sighed. “Fine, you can go.”
“By your leave, your bookishness.” POP!
Now alone, Bowser went ahead and flipped back to the table of contents. He didn’t feel like reading in order. Hmm…what sounded most interesting? Notable characteristics, sure, let’s try that. Again, he felt the text didn’t have much to say he hadn’t already found out for himself. ‘Stronger than they look,’ yeah, that tracked. ‘Surprisingly resilient,’ yup.
‘Despite the similarities of many of the humans now residing in our world, by their accounts, humans come in many shapes and colors. Variations in hair and eye color are genetic and aren’t influenced by magic in any way.’
That wasn’t too surprising, after all, as far as Bowser’d come to understand from Luigi, the human world didn’t have magic. But he hadn’t really thought about it. Now that he was…he thought back to when he went to get his marked from the Bros’ house in Toad Town. The brothers both had dark mustaches and eyebrows, slightly lighter brown hair, and big, blue eyes. Same skin tone, too. So…all that was genetic, huh? Which would mean their parents also had that, right? Wait, he’d seen their parents, hadn’t he? After Mario defeated him on their side of the warp pipe. He tried to remember their faces, but all he got were vaguely human-shaped blobs with the same brown hair. The dad had a stupid mustache, too. A really big one, if his memory could be relied upon. Okay. Maybe this book wasn’t a complete waste of time. It was getting him thinking about stuff…
The rest of the section wasn’t particularly helpful or interesting. Fine. He flipped back to the contents page. What next? He already knew a bit about their anatomy, so he decided to skip the biology section for now. Well, since he’d already been thinking along those lines, he turned to the chapter on family groups.
‘Structure and dynamics vary widely by culture,’ fantastic, Bowser thought, dryly. ‘but often human families consist of a mated pair, their offspring, and one, two or sometimes even all the mated pair’s parents. Extended families include the siblings of the married couple and cousins. Not all humans cohabit with their family groups. In some cultures, it is paramount to keep one’s family close and to care for them through all stages of life, in others the offspring are more highly encouraged to go off and start families of their own in other geographical locations.’ That was interesting. He certainly knew koopas who’d gone both of those routes. In their culture it was more common, once you’d started your own family, to invite your parents to come live with you. The grandparents helped care for the offspring and the young adult koopas could finally return the care their parents had given in raising them. Bowser’s family wasn’t a typical one, by any means, but he intended to always provide for Kammy and Kamek to the very best of his ability. They were there for him when no one else was. He’d always owe them for that.
It turned out human family dynamics were very similar to their own. Older siblings were often viewed as partly responsible for their sibling’s safety. Bowser didn’t always sympathize with that view. He didn’t expect his older kids to actively take care of their younger siblings—though he sincerely hoped they would if the need were dire—rather, he wanted his kids to let him know if they saw their sibling doing something unsafe or found out one of the younger ones needed something. He knew that was still an ask, but they didn’t have to be perfect. He just needed them to try. There was no way he could manage them all, otherwise. At the end of the day, they were family and that wasn’t a single-player game. To some small degree, he relied on them. Thankfully, his brood had proved themselves more than worthy of the trust he placed in them. They were great. He loved them all so dang much…distractedly, he kept turning the pages and ended up going right into ‘Courting and Mating Rituals.’
‘In days past, it was common for potential suitors and their families to approach the ones they wished to court—sometimes instead the head of the courted one’s family unit—to request permission to date or marry.’
Well, that was just plain weird. Koopas did not do that. Even the noble families who sometimes had arranged marriages never did it like that. In the end the only ones deciding who they would and would not be dating were the koopas concerned, not their families.
‘This practice is now considered antiquated in most parts of the human world, but its influence can sometimes still be felt when an individual is excised from the family unit—extended or otherwise—for selecting a partner or spouse of whom the unit disapproves.’
Bowser read the sentence two more times, glowering. That also wasn’t too different from koopas. They did that, too, sometimes, but the way the book worded it left him feeling uneasy. Disapproves how? On what principle? Vibes, typecasting, rumors, what? He mulled it over until he started to wonder if the only reason he was obsessing over it so much was because it was very unlikely the Mario family would approve of Green’s relationship with him. Of course, a mark—by definition—didn’t quite constitute dating or marriage, it symbolized a lifelong partnership without necessarily the intimacy held by either of those, but still…
He decided not to linger on that line of thought. Luigi would be fine. He still has his brother, after all. But that got him wondering: was there more family, too, besides their parents? Did…did Luigi miss them? Would his marked want to go visit? He hadn’t considered that before now. If he let Green return to the human world, what guarantee did he have Luigi’d return? He wanted to trust his marked, but…could he? He wasn’t sure yet. It was still too soon. Maybe he could test it by letting the green bean go to tea with Peaches or something. If Luigi came back from that, then… He went back to the book.
‘Most of our documentation tells of ceremonies officiated by a respected individual—often, but not always, a representative of one of the many religious faiths—and this officiate human leads the new couple in the recitation of vows. Thanks to our connection via the warp pipes, we have many written copies of various human matrimonial texts. The officiate proceeds to interrogate the couple to ensure they really truly desire a union. Often verifying that their union shall persist through ‘sickness and health,’ for ‘richer or poorer,’ and requiring they vow to always ‘love, honor, and obey’ one another.’
Blue eyes, sparkling, full of stars…the voice, high-pitched, stressed, crackling with nerves:
‘I—I vow to honor and obey.’
His lips parted, a little flick of flame dancing past them. His red eyes hurriedly read on.
‘Such vows conclude with ‘so long as we both shall live’ or sometimes ‘til death do us part.’ Humans, it would seem, do not believe mentioning death at such a joyous occasion to be taboo. Very different from Koopa culture. This will be repeated in the advice section, but it is wise to inform human guests of this cultural difference before the wedding party if one wishes to avoid unfortunate faux pas.’
‘Til death do us part…
Bowser’s claw traced the words, eyes wide. His chest felt tight. The muscles in his neck still ached a little from the position he’d ended up sleeping in last night, holding his human tight. Just the memory was heart-warming…Luigi’s hands hugging his chest, mustache tickling his scales. Cheeks slowly reddening as those blue eyes fluttered open and sleep cleared. A sweet smile stretching soft, pink lips and that cute little nervous giggle…He’d never woken up next to anyone like that before. He’d endure a lifetime of neck stiffness to feel it again. It was nice. Really, really nice.
The chain of events that had gotten them there was now fresh in mind. He frowned. Right. He still needed to talk to Luigi about that. The shared closeness and warmth of waking up in each other’s arms had cast a kind of spell over them earlier. They’d eaten breakfast from the tray the kitchens sent up—though it had been well past lunch time by then—and after that they’d parted ways. What was it Green had said? Something about books? Oh, right. And he’d recommended the library. It had been a while since then…maybe he should check on his marked. Couldn’t hurt, right?
He hoped not.
“Kamek.”
“Yes, sire?” Kamek asked, appearing in a flash of light.
After growling and rubbing his eyes till his vision was quite restored, he grumbled.
“Send this to my rooms.” He handed the magikoopa the book and it was dutifully magicked away. “Where’s Green?”
“In the gardens, your worriedness. Caring for his plants. Prince Ludwig is also there, though I doubt your marked is aware of that.”
Red eyes narrowed. So that was how Luddy seemed to know so much about whatever was going on. Hmph. They'd need to talk about that, but first...
“Send me over there.”
“As you wish, sire.”
Bowser grimaced as he was magically yanked up and tugged through space before the world returned to rights and the ground returned beneath his feet.
“WAH!” Luigi screeched, arms flying up in alarm before falling back to his sides seeing Bowser standing there. “M—Mio re! That is most cruel of you, startling me like that!”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya,” he said, stepping forward until Luigi took a step back. He was pleased to find that didn’t happen till they were less than three feet apart. Progress. “How’re the plants?” he nodded at the flower bed behind the plumber.
Luigi blushed and stepped aside, eagerly pointing.
“Look how much bigger they are today! I think they like it here!”
One, in particular, caught Bowser’s eye. He grinned. “And look at that. Even the runt’s doubled in size.”
His human’s face lit up.
“Si! Isn’t it wonderful? I’m so glad.” Tension crept back into Luigi’s posture, “D-do you think it’ll—”
“Aw, it’s big enough now it can have free run of the place without the others tryin’ to eat it. It’ll be fine.”
“E-e-eat it?!” Luigi looked terrified.
“No, no! It’s fine, I mean it! There’s no risk of that anymore. Really. They’re fine.” He desperately tried to think of something to get away from that particular subject. “They’re singing again, hmm?”
“Oh, um,” Luigi’s hands were shaking a little, but he latched onto the new talking point with a nervous smile, “Y-yes. T-they were singing some y-yesterday, too.”
Bowser smiled.
“You’re good at this.”
That got a full blush. His smile became a smirk. He nudged Green with his shoulder and the redness deepened.
“What other skills have you been keeping secret from me?”
“I—” Green was redder than ever. “I don’t—I don’t really—I’m not very—”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, disbelieving, as he leaned his head smugly down into the human’s space. “I don’t believe you. I’m starting to think maybe there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
Luigi turned his head, baring the mark on his neck.
Bowser purred, dipping his snout down to press his nose against it and puff hot breath as he took a deep inhale of the human’s scent. Luigi gasped, but didn’t push him away. After a second or two, soft hands rose and held the sides of his face. The koopa king was suddenly afraid to move. Doing anything that could break this tender moment felt like a crime. Luigi’s weight sagged against him and the human’s voice sounded tight and pained when the words finally came.
“T-thank you.” Then a few seconds later, an even quieter echo: “Thank you, mio re.”
“Green, what’re you—”
“You’re kind to me. You—you put up with me even though I’m—I’m—”
“You’re…what?” he asked, lowly, with the sinking feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.
“I’m h-high m-maintenance.”
Bowser canted his head, eyes narrowed. Trying to puzzle that one out. “High maintenance?” he repeated, shocked. He ended up snorting derisively, but not for the reason Green obviously thought. When he realized there were tears gathering in those blue eyes, his hand shot out to catch the human’s waist before Luigi could make a run for it. As always, his grip was careful. The claws of his other hand wiped the tears that had spilled down those cheeks. “Who told you that?”
“I—” Luigi choked, more tears escaping. The sadness sharpened into bitter anger. “I-It doesn’t matter! I-It’s true.”
His growl shook the ground.
“No. It isn’t.” he nosed his mark again. Feeling Luigi’s arms wrap around his neck brought a wave of calm and relief that swallowed his show of temper. “It’s a damn lie. I have to bully you into asking me for anything. Furniture, clothes, company…” His grip tightened just a little with the strength of his emotions. “You are not high maintenance.”
“B-but l-last night you…you…”
“I’ll do it again in a heartbeat. Whatever you need, whenever you need. You’re my—”
“But I haven’t done anything for you! You’ve done so much and—and—I’m completely useless.”
“That isn’t true either and that’s not how it works. This isn’t transactional.”
“B-but you s-said…you asked me what I wanted…”
Red eyes were pained.
“No, that’s—Luigi, that’s not what it means to be marked. I—I’m sorry. I didn’t explain well enough. This is a partnership.” The ache intensified when blue eyes were blinking, swirling with confusion.
“I-isn’t that,” Luigi swallowed, trembling voice dropping to a whisper, “I-isn’t t-that what a partnership i-is?” it became nearly inaudible. “A-a transaction?”
Bowser’s grip loosened. He set the human down, red eyes wide and brimming with hurt.
“No.” A terrible feeling churned his stomach. “Why…why do you think that?”
“I—” the tears returned. “I can’t remember w-what its s-supposed to be like…”
The king’s claws cupped one side of the narrow face. The hurt ebbed away, replaced with visceral anger.
“Who did this to you?”
Luigi sniffled and those eyes took on the same pained, terrifying blankness of last night. Bowser’s voice dropped another two octaves lower than usual, the hate in his tone promising death.
“Paul?” the king asked, though the answer was plain. Luigi shuddered. In a blink, the fury was set aside and the plumber was being bundled into strong, golden arms. He breathed hot air over the mark on his human’s neck. “It’s supposed to feel like this. Me doing these things for you because I want to, not because I need or expect anything from you.”
“Bowser…” Luigi sobbed, hiding his face against the king’s plastron. “I’m sorry.”
“No. No apologies. Just let me do something for you. What do you need?”
“I…c-can we go back to your nest?”
He purred and smiled, rubbing his jaw against the human’s curls.
“Sure, we can. All done here?”
“Mhm.” Luigi said, wiping his eyes before wrapping his arms behind Bowser’s neck.
“Alright. Nest, here we come.”
The green bean giggled a little, and Bowser purred all the way back to his rooms.