Chapter Text
***15 years previous***
Thursday night was movie night. For as far back as he could remember, Dean had been making sure that no matter what was going on in their lives, no matter where they were, he would make sure that on Thursday nights, he and Sam would watch a movie together. If they had money, he’d get popcorn or some of those giant pretzels that Sam loved. Over the years they’d watched everything they could get their hands on. Cartoon movies, French movies, cowboy movies, black and white movies, musicals, racing movies, war movies, even the occasional chick flick, you name it, they’d probably seen it.
When Sam met Jess in high school and they started dating it was no different. Thursday was movie night and so Jess would join the brothers in their weekly ritual. Dean had a buddy named Ash, who lived & worked at the bar Dean sometimes drank in and after a game of pool one night they became fast friends. Ash was a chilled out easy going kinda guy, not much of a filter, what you see is what you get kinda dude. He made Dean feel like it was easy to be himself, no need for any bravado or the constant demand to be macho like John (Dean and Sam’s old man) had always expected. Not that he was around now anyway. So, yeah, with Ash, it was easy.
“So what’s it gonna be tonight you guys?” Ash asked as he walked into the small apartment that Dean rented for him and his kid brother. Sam and Jess were curled up together on an old pale blue couch on one side of the room, Dean laying with his feet up on a large even older looking mustard yellow couch in front of the tv.
“Hey man, no decision yet, those two lovebirds have only just stopped making out over there.” Dean replied, gesturing at the tiny couch that Sam and Jess were squished into, Sam's giant limbs hanging over every edge with Jess’ tiny frame tucked safely in beside him.
Ash pushed Dean's feet off the couch as he sat down next to him. Sam and Jess were giggling and whispering, not looking like they had any real interest in anything other than each other, certainly not helping pick, or even watching a movie.
“Ok, lets pick something before we all fall asleep or before you two start sucking face again,” Dean said as he straighten up and moved to sit next to Ash, their sides almost touching.
What Sam and Jess didn’t know, no one did as far as Dean was aware, was that his and Ash’s’ relationship had moved on from that of friendship some time ago. Ash was out and everyone who knew him knew he described himself as “a guys kinda guy, if ya know what I mean”.
Dean knew he’d have to be open with Sam about this thing with Ash at some point, if he wanted it to be anything more than late night drunken fumbles in the back of the impala and secret sex in the room above the bar.
Maybe he wanted more but his mind always got cloudy whenever he thought about it for too long. Dean knew he felt something for Ash but he also knew he didn’t want to broadcast his sexuality yet. He wasn’t a fan of labels and even if he was, he didn’t have one for himself right now anyway.
Things were fine as they were, he thought to himself as he felt Ash press his leg closer. He looked across and saw Ash eyeing him darkly, it made him feel uneasy.
Dean raises an eyebrow at Ash,
“Not now man, come on.” He whispers in a low tone, Ash just smirking at him.
“What are you two mumbling about?” Sam's voice came out over the side of the couch.
A devious grin spread across Ash’s face,
“Dean was just sayin’ he’s down to watch some real hot romantic shit, you know the type where the two main characters dance around each other for way too damn long then end up fuckin’ nasty at the end, sweat, spit, cum, the whole nine yards, grinding ‘un panting in the back a some banged up crappy old car, sun sets, credits role, happily ever after kinda shit.”
Ash laughed, taking a pull of his beer as he kneed Dean in the side of the leg.
Jess’s head popped up from behind the couch,
“Was he? Dean!”
“Ash!” Dean was pissed off now.
Sam and Jess had only met Ash once before and although he was pretty near the knuckle with his jokes he hadn’t pushed it this far before. When Ash had invited himself to movie night Dean hadn’t thought it would be an issue.
It was starting to seem like he maybe he wrong..
“The fuck is wrong with you man?”
“Chill out, we all know you love a bit a dirty dick action.”
“Ash, seriously, cut it out,” Sam said sitting up and making eye contact with both him and Dean.
Ash just grinned as he put his feet up into Deans lap.
“Come on sweet cheeks, we’re all friends here, some more than others am I right?”
“Ok that’s it,” Dean pushed Ash’s legs down and was on his feet, making his way to the kitchen before he’d finished talking, his voice hard and his fists clenched.
“Ah Dean-o, come on, you know you love me really, come tell Sammy and his sweet girl how much you love me, I’m sure they’d love to hear all the stories we could tell them about..”
Ash didn’t finish his sentence, Dean was in his face in under a second.
“You need to shut your damn mouth Ash, if you say anything else - so help me, I will kick your ass!”
“Dean calm down, Ash is just messin’ I’m sure, aren’t you, Ash?” Jess said, trying to calm the situation but Ash was having none of it,
“Am I? Maybe you should ask Dean about...”
CRACK
Deans fist made contact the left side of Ash’s’ jaw and he damn near flew backwards off the back of the couch. Dean stood staring at him, blood boiling in his veins, he could see the shocked faces of both Sam and Jess out of the corner of his eye but his gaze was locked onto Ash, who sat back up and just gave him a shit eating smile like he had no intention of reining anything in any time soon.
Seeing that look, Dean grabbed Ash by the shoulder of his shirt and dragged him to the front door, Ash stumbled, laughing under his breath.
Dean opened the front door and threw Ash out of the apartment.
“Not cool man, not cool,” Dean stared at Ash sat on the hall floor for a second and slammed the door shut before Ash could say a word in response.
Dean took a deep breath and walked, head down, fists still clenched, back into the living room.
“What the hell was that about? Dean? What’s going on man?”
Sam asked, voice filled with concern, but Dean wasn’t listening, he looked around for a second then grabbed his jacket, picked up the keys to the impala and walked out. Not looking back round, he slammed the door behind him. Out in the hall there was no sign of Ash so Dean took a second to calm himself. What the fuck just happened? Dean could hear Sam and Jess’s voices inside the apartment, then he heard Sam's footstep coming towards the door. Dean took a breath and started walking down the stairs towards the parking lot. He was not ready to talk to anyone right now, not Sam, not Jess, certainly not Ash. No, what Dean needed was a drink.
***
Dean drove. Pulse racing, head buzzing. He was furious. Ash wasn’t playing fair, it was like he didn’t even care how Dean felt in this situation. He was not ready! Not ready for Sam to know what was going on and it was not for fucking Ash to decide when, how or even if Dean told Sam whatever the fuck he was, Gay/Bi?/whatever, He didn’t know, he’d been with plenty of girls, he loved their soft skin and the curves of their bodies but there was something about the strong muscled lines of a guy, the stubble on their faces and the feeling of knowing he didn’t need to be as delicate when he was with a man. This was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about right now.
Dean swung the impala into the parking lot of a run-down bar he’d seen but never been into. Deciding that this was a safe bet of somewhere he wouldn’t see anyone he knew, Dean got out and walked across the parking lot and into the bar. A haze of smoke hung above the heads of the people inside. It was full to bursting, people everywhere. Dean walked over to the bar and pulled out a stool to sit. After ordering a drink he just sat, head down, temper still simmering.
Dean sipped his drink and closed his eyes, letting the burn of the whiskey travel down his throat and settle in his chest. His phone had vibrated in his pocket a few times but he hadn’t bothered to check it. He knew it would be Sam, asking where he was and if he was ok. The seconds ticked by into minutes, hours no doubt, Dean paid no attention to the time.
Just as he had ordered his fifth? sixth? seventh whiskey, he’d lost count by now, he felt presence of someone sit down next to him. His gut twisted,
Fuck!
How had Ash found him here? Ash was the last person he wanted to talk to, he was still way too pissed off. As the bar tender placed his drink down in front of him, he sat up ready to turn and tell Ash to get lost when, as he turned his head to speak, he noticed that it was in fact not Ash sitting next to him but a petite young women he had never seen before. Reddish brown hair, beautiful kind eyes and a soft shy smile.
“Hi, you looked like maybe you could use some company, I hope you don’t mind me joining you.”
Dean gave a small smile but didn’t respond for a moment,
“uh sure yeah no problem, I was er, I was just heading out actually..”
“Oh, ok. Shame. I thought maybe you’d keep me company for a least the time it takes for you to drink that drink you just ordered,” she gave a small smirk glancing down at his full drink sat on the bar.
Dean huffs out a laugh, busted.
“Sure, names Dean,” he says holding out his hand.
“Anna” she responds with a soft smile, taking his hand.