Chapter Text
I did well! Handler Clint gave me a room of my own soft things as a reward!
“You’re pathetic,” the voice in the head scolded. “You haven’t done anything worthy of a reward.”
But – But I made my handler proud. My handlers have never been proud before. They’ve always been angry. Always so angry.
“Pathetic,” it taunts.
No. No, I’m not. I did good. He said so. He would not lie.
“They always lie,” another quivering voice said. “Always. Always lies. Not safe.”
No! Handler Clint is kind. He has been so, so kind to me. He did not lie about encouraging the softness. He has not laid a mark. He still does not need to use me. Insists he will not use me. He is a kind handler.
“He doesn’t use you for anything because you’re pathetic. What he wants is a soldier.”
No. No, that is a lie. He said I can be soft. He wants me to be comfortable. I want the softness.
“You’ve left your handler unguarded.”
That’s… He doesn’t need me. He told me he wanted to sleep.
“Someone is here. You’re wasting time.”
The only person here is… Handler Clint?
…
…
A flicker of light under the door immediately drew my gaze. Light footsteps sounded beyond the door. A hinge squeaked. The sound of rushing water filled the silence in a short burst. The footsteps retreated, the light disappearing with them mere moments later. The hum of the air conditioning filled the new silence.
A quick search of the perimeter showed no intruders. My handler acquired water and returned to his quarters it would seem. I will remain outside to ensure his safety. Perhaps I will be rewarded with a glass of water at dawn…
No. I cannot think of rewards. I failed my handler twice. I deserve no reward for that. My duties must be performed flawlessly from now on. My only focus must be my handler and his needs. I will prove I am still useful.
The intermittent hum of the air conditioning was a poor indicator of time as the night passed. Light began to seep from the front room’s windows into the hall signaling the arrival of dawn. I awaited my handler, straightening my shoulders and stepping away from the door at the sight of it. He did not emerge however.
The light continued to creep along the carpet as the seconds accumulated. The air conditioner’s hum paused for a third time. An unpleasant sensation attempted to distract me from my watch. My shoulders ached.
The morning continued in the same manner of silent watch. The hum resumed. The unpleasant sensation screamed for attention. The ache became more noticeable, affecting other areas despite my determination to ignore it. No one dared intrude. My handler did not emerge.
Finally, much later, a noise disturbed the air. A grinding presented itself from another room. Going to investigate the source relieved some of the aching in my joints. It ade the unpleasant sensation much harder to ignore though.
Instead of an intruder, I discovered a coffee machine beginning to gurgle, the scent of the beans heavy in the air. A clock embedded in the stove read 11:00. This handler adheres to a different schedule than I am accustomed to. I will need to adjust quickly for future assignments.
I returned to my post. Resolved to ignore the latest gnawing sensation growing in the pit of my stomach as the enticing scent of fresh coffee filled the hallway. A twitch shook my left leg before I could control it. A hinge squeaked between the span of a blink. Suddenly my handler was before me.
A mumbly sound preceded a yawn. He rubbed one eye, blinking tiredly at me, and then scratched behind an ear. I eagerly awaited orders. He shuffled away, yawning again, and entered a small room not far from my position instead.
Hm… This is not the usual routine.
Wait. Was I already given orders the night before? Is that why I was not addressed? What orders were given? Why can I not remember?
The sight of the doorknob twisting banished the crowded thoughts. I respectfully lowered my eyes when assessed. When he spoke, his voice was a scratchy, quiet timbre.
“Good morning.”
I nodded in acknowledgment. Now the day can begin.
He rubbed his eyes once more, becoming more alert. His head cocked, assessing my form from head to toe. My current garments are not ideal, but my gear is missing. I can only assume it is being repaired. Hopefully this oversight will not deduct points from my morning inspection.
“You’re waiting for me to tell you to do something, aren’t you?”
I haven’t been given permission to speak. I will not fail this simple test.
My handler sighed.
Disappointment? Why?
“Okay.”
His posture straightened. All traces of previous rest disappeared as the unruly parts of his hair were patted down.
“I want you to use this room behind my back to get ready for the day. You don’t need to ask my permission to use it, at any point going forward, for relief or clean up. Understood?”
The mind became crowded, nearly overwhelmed by the resurgence of unpleasant sensations and aches. My composure was betrayed by a flicker of my fingers. I nodded in acceptance, hoping the movement had not been noticed.
“Good. I’m gonna get my aids in and then grab some coffee. Take your time.”
I will not be rushed to comply? I don’t understand. He’s walked back into his quarters. No handler has ever left me unattended before the assignment of a mission.