Chapter Text
It’s cold tonight. Not too cold. Just enough to feel it in my fingers.
I brought a blanket, not that I’ll need it. I just… didn’t want to seem careless. It still matters to me that things look okay. Even now.
The sky’s clear. I can see all the stars. It’s funny. I used to look up and wonder which one was Homeworld.
Now I just wonder if I’ll go somewhere, or if I’ll just stop. Either way, I’m ready.
The pills are here. I counted them twice. Three times. I brought water.
And the knife. Just in case.
I hate that I had to bring it.
But I remember when I broke my bones and they healed before I could even know they where broken.
So just in case.
I don’t feel scared. I thought I would. I thought I’d be crying or begging myself to wait.
But I just feel… finished.
Like I’ve walked to the edge of a cliff and there’s nothing left to climb.
I want to say thank you again, even though I already did.
I just keep thinking of faces. Little things. Smiles. Laughter. The smell of my dad’s laundry detergent. Connie’s voice when she reads out loud. Amethyst snoring. Garnet humming. Pearl singing when she thinks no one can hear.
These things made staying bearable. For a while.
But I’m tired of being the reason people walk on eggshells.
I’m tired of waking up and checking for pink in my skin.
I’m tired of being scared of my own reflection.
I’m tired.
And if there’s any kindness in this universe… maybe this is the last thing I’ll ever have to do.
I took the pills.
Maybe after this, I can rest.
Maybe after this, I’ll be-