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Buck was woken by Eddie’s alarm incessantly buzzing. She groaned loudly as she slapped his arm that was wrapped around her so he’d wake up and switch it off. 

She and Eddie had the day off and Chris was spending a few days with the Wilson’s, so he and Denny could have a super long movie marathon, so why the fuck he’d set an alarm was beyond her. 

“Eddie, baby.” She didn’t get more than a groan out of him so she slapped him again, “Eddie, turn your alarm off.” 

Half asleep Eddie reached over and hit snooze before flopping back down, wrapping his arms around Buck and pulling her close, the both of them instantly falling back asleep, only to be woken again by the alarm fifteen minutes later. 

“Eddie.” Buck whined. But this time Eddie sat up and stretched, letting out a loud groan, “Come on, we’ve got nothing to do today, let’s go back to sleep.” Buck wiggled closer to Eddie and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“Nope.” Eddie said, letting out a massive yawn, “We’ve got things to do today.” 

“No we don’t.” Buck grumbled, “It’s raining and there’s no work, that means it’s a lazy day.” 

Eddie chuckled, the sound still thick with sleep, “Nope, come on baby girl, today’s gonna be a bit different.” He extracted himself from her grip and got out of bed, leaving a very perturbed looking Buck wrapped in their duvet, Eddie couldn’t get over how adorable she was with her wild curls pinging out of the bun she’d slept in, eyes half closed, a dried up train of drool on her cheek. Eddie crawled back onto the bed and kissed her, not caring about morning breath, “Beautiful, just beautiful.” He mumbled against her lips. 

Buck wrapped her arms around Eddie’s neck and pulled him in closer, “If you’re going to wake me up this early on our childfree day off you could at least make it worth my while.” She told him, cupping his cheek with one hand as she spoke with a hint of seduction in her voice.  

“Oh yeah?” Eddie teased, “How do you want me to do that?”

“I think you know exactly how I want you to do it.” 

Eddie, the bastard, kept toying with her, not letting her off that easily, “I mean, I suppose we could make a start on that puzzle.” 

“Stop being such a dick, Diaz.” She tutted, playfully slapping his side, “I want you to fuck me and you know it.” 

Eddie nodded, trying to hide the shit eating grin on his face, “I think that could be arranged.” 

In all honesty this had been Eddie’s plan all along, he knew Buck well enough that he knew exactly how to get her asking for sex, her libido was so high it was just a case of getting her riled up and she was ready to go. 

So although Eddie had woken them up at 9am on their day off it was all for a good cause as it meant the pair of them were able to spend the morning in bed having lazy sex, something they both enjoyed greatly but never had the time to indulge in with their busy lives and having a teen in the house. 

When they were finally ready to get up for breakfast Eddie plastered himself to Buck’s back, his arms wrapped around her waist as she cooked. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Buck said after a few minutes of silence, only broken by the music playing from the radio. 

“Just thinking about how much I love you.” He told her, there was a cheeky pause before he continued, “And how I want you to sit on my cock whilst I feed you breakfast.”

Buck couldn’t help but snort at that, because she sure as hell hadn’t been expecting that, “What’s gotten into you this morning?” 

“Can’t I just want to pleasure my girlfriend?” He asked as he placed kisses to Buck’s shoulder where her top had slipped off, “Make her feel good? Spoil her as a reward for all her hard work?” 

“Oh, this is a reward is it?” She said with a cheeky grin, her tone teasing. Eddie hummed into her shoulder in assent, “Well, maybe your girlfriend would like to hear about what she’s done to earn such a reward.” 

“She does now?” Buck nodded, looking smug as anything, and of course Eddie was more than happy to shower her in praise, it was the least she deserved, “Well, she had a fantastic save yesterday. No one thought the guy would make it but she was stubborn as anything and refused to give up on him even though it was a roller coaster rescue, which I know she has a hard time with.” He placed a kiss on her temple, it had been a physically and mentally challenging rescue for her but Buck had gone above and beyond, even as thoughts of Devon filled her mind. 

But that wasn’t actually the reason he was acting like this. No, he had much bigger plans for much bigger reasons. 

Buck side eyed Eddie, a suspicious little smile on her face, “What are you up to?” She asked, looking back over at the blue, silk dress laid out on the bed, which had magically appeared whilst she was relaxing in the bath. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shrugged, a little too nonchalant, “Now come on, we’ve got a dinner reservation.” He told her as he stepped behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, encouraging her over to the low stool that sat in front of the dressing table. 

Mellow music played through the speakers as Eddie did Buck’s hair, styling it into a braided bun, loose curls framing her face, “Since when did you know how to style hair?” 

Eddie smiled at her through the mirror, “I had May show me.” He admitted, “I’m leaving your makeup to you though, I’m worried ‘Clipboard Buck’ will make an appearance and yell at me.” He joked. 

Buck chuckled at him, the sound filling the room like windchimes, her smile lighting up the space, “Good call, I take my makeup very seriously.” 

He sent her a cheeky grin, “I know you do, that’s why I’m scared.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him before she began to put her primer on. 

As she got ready Eddie changed into a navy suit with a black turtle neck so he was perfectly coordinated with Buck. All of this was making Buck even more suspicious, she didn’t know what he was up to but Eddie definitely had something planned and she couldn’t figure out what. 

Eddie was finished before Buck was so he settled back on the bed, suit jacket laid neatly next to him, mindful of Buck’s dress, content to just watch his girlfriend meticulously applying eyeliner with a steady hand. She then moved onto her false lashes, blowing on the first one to dry the glue, fitting it perfectly to her lash line as soon as it was tacky. Following lip liner and lipstick she was done, chucking on some setting spray before turning to Eddie, “So, what’s next Mr ‘I’m Not Up To Anything’?” 

“Robe off, dress on.” He told her, gently picking the dress up. 

Buck shed the robe and threw it over the stool, Eddie then helped her step into the dress before he did up all of the buttons and ties. She then sat on the stool and he slipped her shoes on, a simple pair of strappy heels. 

Eddie would often get comments from other men about dating a woman taller than him, about whether it was emasculating, how they wouldn’t be able to deal with a woman that tall, how it wasn’t pretty. But Eddie was the opposite, he loved that Buck was taller than him, and two years ago she’d gotten into power lifting and she was now bulkier than him too, more muscular, and he adored it. So whilst many men found it threatening being with a woman who was taller and stronger than them, Eddie found it extremely sexy. 

So as Buck was two inches taller than Eddie on a normal day, with her heels on she was 6 inches taller than him, so he had to look up to see her, and fucking hell was it hot. He then handed her earrings so she could swap out the three she was currently wearing in her lobes, leaving the ones in her cartilage the same and did her necklace up for her. He did her bracelets up and then got her up and took her over to the full length mirror so she could see herself. 

“So?” He asked. 

Buck looked at herself in the mirror, turning this way and that to take in the whole outfit. The hem of the navy silk dress was perfectly grazing the floor, it was backless with a strap tied at the mid back and a halter neck.

“I- fucking hell Eds, I- I love it.” She breathed, “This is- this is stunning, fuck.” 

Eddie knew she’d love it, that didn’t stop him from being very proud of himself when she confirmed it. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, “Not as stunning as the woman wearing it.” He placed a kiss on the side of her neck. His phone pinged so he pulled it out of his pocket, “Perfect timing, our lift’s here.” 

The pair headed out, Eddie grabbed his jacket and then the big umbrella they kept by the door. Buck picked up her purse and lifted her skirt so it was clear of the ground and followed Eddie out under the protection of the umbrella and then slipped into the car. 

It was a very fancy restaurant, the kind that Buck and Eddie rarely frequented, but Eddie was pulling out all the stops tonight. 

“Booking for Diaz.” He told the door host. As she scanned through the reservations Buck took in her surroundings. The ceilings were high, probably a story and a half if she had to guess, there were pillars amongst the tables and tall stained glass windows that would filter in coloured light should it be sunny outside as opposed to storming. There was a grand piano and a harp off to one side where two young men were playing classical music. 

“Are you still happy in the pavilion?” She asked after a second, “If not we’ve saved a table inside.” 

“No, the pavilion is still good.” Thankfully it was warm out and the rain had stopped, so being outside but under cover would still be lovely. 

The pair followed the woman outside, walking behind her, down a paved path towards a large pavilion, the green painted metal roof held up by red pillars with fairy lights wrapped around them. 

They climbed the three steps up into the pavilions where there was a table set in the middle with two chairs, there were candles on the table and more fairylights decorated the ceiling, bathing the space in a low, warm light. Soft, classical music played from hidden speakers to complete the atmosphere. 

Eddie went and pulled one of the chairs out for Buck and then pushed it back in, “Oh, chivalry’s not dead then.” she joked. 

“Hey, I’m chivalrous loads.” He protested with a cheeky smile as he went and took his own seat. 

“Oh yeah?” She challenged. 

“I let you go first all the time.” He retorted. 

Buck scoffed, “Yeah, when we’re running into burning buildings and repelling down cliffs.” 

“And you love it.” He gave her a cheeky wink. 

“Yeah, I do, you big softie.” 

Water was poured by the woman and then she left, Buck looked around confused, “Where are the menus?” She asked. 

Eddie smirked, taking a sip of his water, “Oh, we’re not having menus.” 

Buck’s jaw dropped, “Are we doing a tasting menu?” 

Eddie shrugged, “Maybe.” 

Buck was practically vibrating with excitement when three waiters in suits arrived, one of them carrying two plates, whilst the other two carried a bottle of wine each. 

“Who’s having the vegetarian menu?” One of the men carrying a bottle of wine asked. 

“That’ll be the lovely lady.” 

“Oh God, I don’t know what you’re up to but you’re really pulling out all the stops here.” Buck laughed, her eyes crinkling, as the plates were placed in front of them. 

“For you ma’am we have a truffle and mushroom parfait with grilled bread,” He then began to pour a small sample of wine, “This is a 2019 Contino Mazuelo Rioja from Viñedos del Contino.” Buck swirled the wine around, sniffed it, tasted it and then gave the man a thumbs up, he then poured a small glass for her. “And for you sir we have hay smoked trout, lemon salad, gentleman’s relish and sorrel, paired with the 2020 Maldive Verdejo from Rueda.” 

“There’s a fucking sommerlier?” Buck whisper screamed as they were left on their own, “Eds, this is so fucking bougie.” 

Eddie blushed, something he didn’t do often, but Buck was so excited about this it almost made him shy, “Yeah, well, there’s been so much going on recently and you’d been talking about doing a tasting menu after you fell down that rabbit hole, so I thought I’d treat you.” 

“This is more than a treat Eddie, this is- fuck, I- what did I do to deserve you?” 

“Come on, give it a try.” Eddie said, trying to take the attention off of himself, Buck was fully aware that’s what he was doing, so she took pity on him and picked up her fork. 

“Jesus Christ, fuck me.” She groaned after her first bite, “This is insane. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m a mushroom fan everyday, but this is the best I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah, I gotta say, trout isn’t my go to fish but this is fantastic." 

Soon enough they were done and plates were swapped out and fresh wine glasses placed, “We have a savoury porridge with garlic, parsley and fennel, paired with the 2019 Rias Baixas Albarino from Condes de Albarei.” He explained, indicating Buck’s plate before moving onto Eddie, “And then we have meat fruit, mandarin, chicken liver parfait and grilled bread, paired with a 2015 Unico from Vega Sicillia.” 

The meal was filled with comfortable chatter and good food, just the two of them getting to exist in private, the rain beginning again half way though and creating a barrier from the rest of the world as they were surrounded by soft candle light and calm music. It was extremely romantic to put it mildly, which was exactly what Eddie had wanted. 

Once the dishes from the fifth course were taken away Eddie could finally get to the thing he’d been building towards all day. 

So he stood and offered his hand to Buck, “Come on, dance with me.” 

She took the offered hand and stood, wrapping her arms around Eddie’s neck whilst he wrapped his around Buck’s waist. 

“Do you need me to take my shoes off?” She asked, looking down at Eddie.

“No.” He said, nothing but pure sincerity in his voice as he began to sway them in time to the music, “I like looking up at you.” 

Buck ducked her head down, so their foreheads were resting together, “Thank you for liking that I’m tall.” Her voice was soft, a genuine thank you that Eddie thought pointless, “So many guys hate it, like with Ali I couldn’t wear heels because he was so insecure about it, but you’re okay with it, and you’re okay with how I’m broader than you, I just- thank you.” 

“I’m more than okay with it,” He told her, “I love it, I love that you’re taller than me, and broader than me, that you’re stronger and more muscular than me, I wouldn’t have you any other way. I’ll be honest Evelyn, I’m kinda unhealthily obsessed with you.” 

Buck stopped moving and pulled her head back so she could make eye contact with him, “You cracked out the Evelyn, this is serious, is everything okay?” 

“Hey, hey, everything’s fine. I promise this isn’t some weirdly expensive break up dinner, or me about to drop some big, life altering news on you, this isn’t anything bad, okay?” Buck nodded, “But can I monologue before you say anything else?” Buck nodded again. 

“Evelyn, I can’t even put how much I love you into words,” He spoke at practically a whisper, picking up the slow dancing again as Buck brought their foreheads back together again, “I’ve tried, fucking hell I’ve tried, but I can’t find anything that even comes close to expressing half of how I feel about you. But these two years together have been the happiest two years of my life, this little family of ours is everything I’ve ever needed and I didn’t even realise it until I was lucky enough to get it. You and our son are all I ever need, as long as I have you two I’m happy. 

“And Jesus Evie, you have saved my life more times than I can count, in so many ways, I mean you pulled me under a firetruck under active gun fire, you got me help with Chris so I could give him the best life possible here in LA, helped me with my PTSD, and so much more.

“And to go through everything you’ve been through and to come out of it so brave and bold and kind and silly, I am in awe of you. I don’t think I really knew what love was until I met you, and I don’t want to find out what a world where I lose that love is like, because I don’t think I could carry on without you anymore. 

“Evelyn Grant-Nash,” He stepped out of the embrace and dropped down on one knee, pulling a ring box out of his pocket, cracking it open, “Will you marry me.” 

Buck stood there, frozen, a single tear running down her face as she tried to get her body to kick into gear. After a few seconds she finally managed a small nod and a whispered “yes” which was enough to kick her back into gear, her volume rising, “Yes. Holy shit yes!” She did a happy spin, giggling manically as she threw her head back, “Fuck. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Yes!” 

Eddie stood, a massive smile on his face as he slipped the ring onto Buck’s finger, but she didn’t even take the time to look at it, too busy grabbing Eddie’s face and kissing him senseless. He wrapped his arms around her and dipped her back, getting an excited squeal out of her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, one leg popping up. 

Eventually Eddie righted them, Buck laughing as soon as she saw his face, “What?” He asked, looking confused. 

“Sorry, you’ve got some- some lipstick on you.” She stepped away and grabbed her purse, pulling out the mini packet of makeup wipes she always carried in case of emergencies. She wiped the flecks of red lipstick off of him but thankfully she was wearing a liquid lipstick so it hadn’t transferred too much. She then pulled out her compact and checked her own makeup to make sure she hadn’t spread it all over her face. Once she was happy she closed her purse and went back over to Eddie. 

Eddie stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around his fiancé (holy shit she was his fiancé now!), the two of them checking out the ring. It was a teardrop shaped alexandrite stone set into a rose gold band that twisted like branches with accent diamonds. 

“I thought you’d appreciate something that was a bit unique.” Eddie explained, “So it’s like you.” 

“It’s perfect Eddie, thank you.” She turned in his arms so she could kiss him again. 

“I assume a congratulations is in order.” Their sommelier said, appearing in the entrance to the pavilion, holding a bottle of champagne. He popped the cork and poured it into the champagne saucers that were still on the table. 

“Thank you.” Eddie said as he picked both up and handed one to Buck who also gave the sommelier a “thanks”. 

Buck took a sip of her drink but some managed to dribble on her chin so she brought a hand up to catch it, “Fuck, I forgot we were somewhere posh so they’d have the good shit.” 

Eddie just laughed at her and took a sip of his own, he then tangled his fingers with Buck so they were facing each other with their free hands linked. 

“I wanted to do this right.” Eddie admitted, “So I asked for your Mom and Pops’ blessing, then May’s and Chris’ just to cover all bases.” 

“And…” Buck prompted, even though she knew the answer.

Eddie leant in and kissed her, “They were all more than happy to give it. Your Mom and Pops even insisted on paying for dinner when I said this is how I wanted to do it.” 

Buck chuckled, “Of course they did.” 

“They were very set on making sure this was perfect for you. I was as well. But it was good having them help. I didn’t want to do it with other people around so your Pops was able to pull some strings and get us the pavilion.” 

Buck took another sip of her drink, this time not dribbling it, “This is perfect, thank you.” 

“Hey, I couldn’t give you anything less than perfect.”

As they were leaving their sommelier flagged them down, “I hope you don’t mind but I managed to get some pictures for you.” He told them, pulling his phone out to show them, “It’s not professional, I know, but you were so lovely I thought it would be worth it.” 

Eddie swiped through them, Buck looking over his shoulder. There were a few of them slow dancing, one with Eddie on one knee, him putting the ring on her, their kiss and Buck cleaning the lipstick from Eddie’s face. “Thanks man, we really appreciate it.” Eddie said, a massive smile on his face. 

“Yeah, thank you, means the world.” Buck added, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye with her thumb. 

He airdropped the photos to them and then said goodbye, but not before Eddie slipped him a large tip as thanks for the pictures and his service all night. 

As they were driving home Eddie turned to Buck who was still inspecting the ring, “By the way, your parents have declared a family brunch tomorrow morning to celebrate.” 

Buck chuckled as she shook her head, “Of course they did.” Her face then dropped, “Oh, but Chris doesn’t get back until tomorrow evening, can we wait until he’s back?” 

Eddie gave her a fond glare, “Hen and Karen know, why do you think we arranged this hang out in the first place? The Wilson’s are going to bring him with them tomorrow morning.” 

Buck beamed at him, he really had thought of everything, “You’re such a menace!” She playfully slapped his arm which earned her a quick kiss. 

Given the amount of wine she’d drunk the night before it was a miracle Buck wasn’t hungover, instead she woke up gently, wrapped up in Eddie’s arms, feeling happy and well rested. 

“Nice bit of bling you’ve got there.” Eddie joked, admiring the engagement ring on Buck’s finger. 

She let out a tired laugh, “Yeah, some random guy gave it to me last night.” She held her hand up so they were both looking at it, “He didn’t do too bad, don’t you think?” 

Eddie pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “Yeah, not too shabby.” 

Buck then wrapped her arms around Eddie and curled up into his side with her head on his chest. She pressed a gentle kiss to his chest, “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

“How long until we need to be up?” She asked around a large yawn. 

Eddie turned his head and looked at the alarm clock, “Fifteen.” 

Buck snuggled up against him, rubbing her face on him as she closed her eyes again, “I could happily stay here forever.” 

Eddie hummed, “So could I, but we have family to see and a son to pick up.” 

Buck let out a jokey groan, “The curses of being an adult.” 

“Could be worse, we could be hungover” He pointed out. 

Buck propped herself up on one elbow, looking down at Eddie, her eyes twinkling with joy, “Yeah, good point.” 

Eddie pulled her down into a kiss before the both of them had to reluctantly get out of bed. 

“Hi everyone.” Buck called out as she let herself and Eddie into her parents house. She linked their hands, entwining their fingers as she skipped ahead to the lounge space that was filled with their family. 

A rowdy cheer of “congratulations” filled the space, which had the couple smiling from ear to ear. From there it was a whirlwind, Buck and Eddie being separated by different family members as they all tried to chat. 

“Show us then.” Karen said as soon as she, Hen and Athena got to Buck. 

She held her hand out and the three women gathered around, Athena delicately held her hand, moving it so the stones caught the light, “It looks even better on.” Athena said, smiling up at her daughter. 

Buck couldn’t stop herself from chuckling, “Of course you helped him.” 

“Oh no, I didn’t, May did, they were going on shopping trips for a solid three months trying to find the perfect ring. They showed it to me and your Pops after they’d brought it, but we had no say.” 

Buck couldn’t stop a toothy grin from breaking out on her face at that, “Where is May?” 

“Over there with her nephew and soon to be brother-in-law.” Karen said, jerking her head towards where Chris, May and Eddie were laughing loudly. 

Her attention was only pulled back to the three women when Hen spoke, “What kind of stone is that?” 

Buck began to vibrate with energy, Eddie had told her all about the stones the night before and she was excited to get to pass it on, “The big one is alexandrite and the smaller ones are diamonds. But, get this, they’re all lab grown, how cool is that! They’re just as good quality as natural ones but they’re more ethical. Also, alexandrite is the stone of good fortune and luck, it also represents balance, joy and transformation, and it’s one of June’s birthstones.” She wiggled her fingers so it shifted colours in the light, “Diamonds are cool and all, and there’s a few in here, but fuck tradition, this is way better.” 

Before anyone could reply Chris appeared at Buck’s side, “Mom!” 

Buck immediately scooped him up into her arms, holding him tight, even if it did have him wiggling around, considering himself too old to be picked up by his Mom. She pressed a big kiss to his cheek, squeezing him tightly. After a good thirty seconds she put him down and gave him a fist bump, “Hey big man.” 

“I can’t believe you and Dad are actually gonna get married.” Chris was vibrating with just as much energy as Buck, 

“Fuck yeah man, it’s gonna be sick.”

Chris pulled her down into another hug, Buck having to squat awkwardly to reciprocate, “I love you.” He whispered into her ear. 

“I love you too.” She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Thank you for welcoming me into your family.” 

“Thank you for being mine.” He replied, clinging on tightly, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere.” 

“Oh Chris-” That broke her heart, Chris had been through so much, he shouldn’t have to worry about losing anyone else, not when he was only 12.

“Please.” 

Buck pulled back from the hug, she got into a more comfortable squat and placed her hands on Chris’ biceps, “I promise you, I am not going anywhere, I am going to do everything I can to stay with you, okay? You are the most important person in my life and I’m not going anywhere any time soon, not if I have anything to say about it, is that clear?” 

Chris nodded, “Yeah.” 

Buck rubbed his biceps as she tried to sniff back tears, Chris not faring much better. She cupped his face in her hands and placed a kiss on his forehead, “Now, go on, why don’t you go and play with Denny.” She prompted, standing up with a small groan as her bad leg protested. 

Athena came to stand next to Buck, cupping the back of her neck with a gentle hand, “I am so proud of you.” She said, her thumb gently stroking her neck, “You are such a good mother.” 

“Thanks Mom,” Buck’s voice was soft, almost lost in the hubbub of the room, “I learnt from the best.” 

“I can’t believe how much you’ve grown,” Hen said with a soft smile on her face, “I remember 19 year old Buck who was a whirlwind of uncontained chaos, just throwing herself head first into danger without a care in the world, and now look at you.” 

“Hey now, I resent that.” Buck protested, “I’m still a whirlwind of chaos, thank you very much.” 

“She has a point,” Karen said, “She’s just a bit more contained nowadays.” 

“Thank you Karen, that is why you’re my favourite aunt.” Buck stuck her tongue out at Hen with her arm crossed, getting a laugh out of all the women. 

May then popped up out of nowhere but Buck clocked her immediately, “Ah, I hear I have you to thank for this beauty.” Buck said, holding her left hand up and wiggling her fingers. 

“As soon as Eddie asked for my blessing I had one condition and it was that I had to go ring shopping with him.” May explained, “You’re marrying a man who’s never seen a Barbie movie, that’s a very specific brand of fairytale wedding that he doesn’t understand, I wasn’t letting him fuck that up.” 

Buck laughed loudly at that, “What would I do without you?” 

“Well, you wouldn’t have an Anneliese to your Erika to perform ‘I Am a Girl Like You’ with for starters.” 

“Is this your way of telling me we need to rewatch ‘Princess and the Pauper’?” Buck asked, a faux exasperation laced her tone, one May was extremely familiar with from years growing up together. Buck’s voice immediately became more sincere, “We’ll arrange a movie night, just the two of us, and we’ll do a Barbie marathon.” 

Soon enough Bobby, Michael and Chim appeared from the kitchen as food was ready. Buck gravitated towards Eddie, the pair linking hands again until they had to separate to grab plates. 

Fires in the rain were always weird to Buck. They fought fires with water and yet here it was pelting down from the sky but the flames kept roaring. Logically she knew it was to do with the ratio of water to fuel but it still felt wrong, especially when the rain was as heavy as it was now. 

As they were working the scene it was Chim who was going to go up the ladder, but based on the mental tally in her head it was Buck’s turn, so she swooped on in with a cheeky grin and a bit of banter with her uncle-figure, securing herself to the rig with her fiancés help. 

“Go get ‘em cowgirl.” Eddie quipped, having to use all his will power to not slap her ass like he would at home, reminding himself he had to be professional. 

Eddie watched as Buck climbed the aerial, a scene he’d seen thousands of times, something he knew Buck had been doing for over 10 years, way before he’d even considered becoming a firefighter. But that didn’t stop the uneasy feeling simmering in his gut, something wasn’t quite right. 

Within minutes the cause of his unease revealed itself, throwing him back off of the rig in a flash of bright light. 

It took Eddie a second to get his bearings, but when he did he looked up to find Buck hanging limply from the top of the aerial. He immediately kicked into gear, running up to the top of the rig and climbing the ladder, yelling for his fiancé. 

When he reached the top he called out to her again, “Buck! Buck!” But he didn’t get a response, she merely hung there limp and lifeless, her eyes closed. He lay down on the ladder and tried to pull her up but he couldn’t do it, he wasn’t strong enough. For the first and only time he was hating that Buck was taller and bulkier than him, had she been smaller, lighter, he would’ve been able to pull her up, but he couldn’t do shit. 

So instead he lowered her down to Bobby, Hen and Chim who were waiting for her with a gurney. As soon as they’d unclipped her Eddie bolted down the ladder and joined them, watching as Chim performed CPR. 

Eddie couldn’t tear his eyes away from Buck’s chest, it was littered with familiar scars; one on her chest from a fight with Phillip and a mirror when she was 9, her tracheotomy scar that sat at her jugular notch from when she was 27, one in the centre of her sternum from a particularly nasty push in the Buckley’s messy garage when she was 11. But the one that really caught his eye was the new one, the crackling lightning pattern burnt into her skin, proof that it’d been the lightning that had done this. 

“Eddie!” Bobby’s voice snapped him out of his daze, “You’re driving.” Eddie welcomed the distraction, leaping at the chance to do something useful whilst Hen and Chim worked on reviving Buck. 

As soon as he got the go ahead Eddie hit the lights and sirens and raced through the streets of LA, doing everything he could to get them there in record time. 

He could hear Hen and Chim in the back of the ambo calling out to each other, medical jargon that he usually understood flying over his head, his only goal was to get them to the hospital to save Buck, right now that was all that mattered. 

It could’ve been seconds or it could’ve been hours, but eventually they pulled up to the ambulance drop off bay at the hospital and he was rushing around to the back to be with Buck again. 

As they passed the double doors Buck crashed again, he watched helplessly as they tried to shock her heart back into a steady rhythm. Until finally she was back. 

He thought getting her back would bring him some relief, but with everything that had happened he couldn’t find it in himself to relax, too afraid that she’d crash again.

He listened as Bobby rattled off her medical history; medications, allergies, past health conditions, he’d even been allowed to follow Buck behind the next set of double doors as he was still doing handover, her medical history was long to put it mildly and there was no time to stop and do a silent one. 

As soon as the doors swung shut the place was plunged into silence, the word “duloxetine” ringing in his ears as it was the last thing he’d heard Bobby say. 

Hen, Chim and Eddie stood in a shocked silence, none of them knowing quite what to do as water dripped from their turnouts and helmets, creating puddles on the ER’s floor. 

It wasn’t until a nurse came over and politely yet reluctantly asked them to move their ambo as they had another patient incoming that they finally snapped out of it. 

“I’ll move it.” Chim said, “Can one of you call Athena.” 

“Yeah, I’m on it.” Hen replied, knowing Eddie was in no state to do it himself. She guided Eddie over to a chair before pulling her phone out and hitting Athena’s contact card. It took two rings for the other woman to pick up. 

“Hen? Is everything okay?” She sounded understandably worried, it was rare Hen called her out of the blue whilst on shift. 

“A-Athena, you need to get down to Prespytarian, now.” Hen’s voice was weak and shaky, the adrenalin leaving her, only fear and exhaustion remaining. 

There was a pause on the other end, one too long to be considered normal, but eventually Athena spoke “Which one?” 

“It’s Evie.” Hen sniffled, trying to stay strong, “Athena, s-she was struck by lightning.” 

The wail on the other end of the phone was soul crushing, a sound only heard from mothers who’ve just found out their child was dead, which was enough to break Hen’s resolve, her own tears beginning to fall. 

Eddie really should’ve comforted her, but all he could do was sit frozen and stare at his hands, only vaguely aware of the conversation happening next to him. He turned Buck’s engagement ring between his fingers on a loop, he’d managed to grab it off of her as handover happened, scared that it would get lost. 

“She’s alive Thena, she was alive when they took her into the ER, Bobby went back with her to do handover so the doctors know everything, she’s in the best hands possible.” It wasn’t clear if Hen was trying to comfort Athena or herself, but either way the words were falling on deaf ears. 

Suddenly another voice came over the phone, “Hello? This is Captain Maynard, who’s speaking?”

“Elaine, it’s Hen, is Athena at the precinct?” Eddie’s ears perked up, he hadn’t been expecting that, Athena spent most of her time on the road so he’d assumed she’d be in her car somewhere rather than at the precinct. 

“She is. What’s going on?” The worry was unmissable and understandable. 

“Evie’s in hospital, she was struck by lightning and she’s in critical condition.” Hen explained, her tone teary. 

“Oh god.” Elaine breathed out, “What hospital are you at and I’ll drive her over.” 

“Presbyterian.” 

“Alright, we’ll be there soon.” And with that she hung up. 

Eddie managed to shake himself out of his grief for long enough to undo his Saint Christopher’s medal and slid Buck’s engagement ring onto it, putting it back around his neck and tucking it under his shirt so both were close to his heart and hidden. 

Bobby and Chim returned only a minute later, joining Eddie and Hen in their silent wait. But eventually Chimney couldn’t take the silence, “When was the last time we did this?” 

“The tsunami.” Hen muttered, not looking up from the floor. 

Eddie dropped his head into his hands as the group fell back into silence. 

Athena eventually arrived, going straight to Bobby and practically collapsing into his arms as they both cried, Athena wailing loudly. 

Elaine muttered a few words to Hen, patted her on the shoulder and then left. 

“Family of Evelyn Grant-Nash.” A doctor finally called out after what felt like a lifetime. 

Bobby stood, “That’s us.” And then sat back down again as the doctor came over to them. 

“I’m Doctor Mannering, I’m the critical care specialist in charge of Evelyn’s care. We've also got a cardiologist and neurologist involved in her care as there are obvious concerns for how the electricity has affected her heart and brain. Now, she is alive and she didn’t crash again which we’re happy about, but the lightning entered through her right shoulder, passed through her heart and then exited through her left leg, hence the cardiologist. The electricity did do a number on her heart which is why she went into cardiac arrest, we also suspect there may be a myocardial injury which has damaged the actual heart muscle, but we’re keeping a close eye on it.” He took a second to look at everyone gathered around him, making eye contact, “Unfortunately Evelyn fell into a coma,” Athena couldn’t hold back a sob, Bobby wrapping her up in his arms, “It’s still touch and go, but if she makes it through the next 24 hours her chances of survival go up exponentially. We’ve gotten her settled in the ICU and she can have visitors but I ask that you keep it to two at a time. Do you have any questions?” 

When there were none, Doctor Mannering told them where to go and then left, a dark cloud left behind. 

Bobby and Athena left the group quickly, rushing off to Buck’s room so they could be with her. But Eddie, Hen and Chim remained frozen.

“Two days.” Eddie said, the first to break the silence, “We’ve been engaged for two days and I might lose her already.” That was enough to finally break him, loud sobs finally leaving him as Hen held him tightly. 

If seeing Buck in the hospital after the tracheotomy, ladder truck, embolism or tsunami had been bad then this was catastrophic, worse than all four of them combined. 

There were more tubes and wires attached to her then she’d ever had before, but the tube down her throat was the worst, knowing that she couldn’t even breath on her own was devastating. 

Bobby sat in the chair at the side of the bed whilst Athena sat on the edge of the bed, taking Buck’s right hand in hers, “Oh, baby.” She sighed, tears still dribbling down her face. She brought Buck’s hand up to her mouth and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. 

She turned to look at Bobby, finally asking, “What happened?” 

He let out a deep sigh, tucking a strand of hair behind Buck’s ear, the bulk of her hair was still neatly in two Dutch braids but some strands at the front had fallen free during all of the commotion. 

“We were at an apartment fire and she was up the aerial-“

“In a thunder storm? Bobby, what were you thinking?” 

“She wasn’t the highest point, the apartment was far higher up than her, she should’ve been safe.” He explained. 

“How does she keep attracting so much disaster?” Athena sighed. 

Even though they’d been limited to two visitors at a time none of the 118 listened to it, Eddie joining the Grant-Nash’s ten minutes later, once he’d managed to compose himself. 

He came and stood next to Athena, placing a hand on her shoulder, offering silent comfort to his hopefully soon to be mother-in-law, just like he’d done when Buck had her embolism. 

“It’s weird seeing her so still.” Eddie eventually said, getting a round of agreement from the Grant-Nash’s. Buck was full of energy that constantly thrummed under her skin as a result of her ADHD, so she was always moving in some way, from something as small as wiggling her toes to something bigger, like how she gesticulated wildly as she spoke. She exuded a frenetic energy that was impossible to miss, even in her sleep. But right now that buzz wasn’t there, she was totally still in every possible way, it felt alien and disconcerting, “It’s like it’s not really her.” 

They all fell back into silence, the only sound the beeping of machines. 

Suddenly Chimney’s voice filled the room, “Do you think we’ve waited long enough that we can get away with having 5 of us in here?” 

Everyone looked over to see him and Hen stood in the doorway, trays of coffee in hand. 

“Worst case scenario they kick some of us out.” Eddie shrugged, “But I feel like we’ve been here enough that they know we won’t go easy.” 

That got a sad smile out of everyone as Hen and Chim walked into the room, handing the coffees out, knowing that none of them were planning on leaving any time soon so could use the caffeine boost. 

No one knew how long had passed but at some point Athena let out a little tut, inspecting Buck’s hand. 

“Is everything okay?” Hen asked, all of them looking extremely worried. 

Athena wiped a tear from the corner of her eye with her free hand, “It’s stupid,” She muttered, “But her manicure is growing out. We were supposed to go with May this weekend so she could get a new set of extensions. Her usual artist just got back from holiday and she was so excited, she kept talking about going for an astrology theme and had a whole mood board. But instead they’re grown out and plain blue because her backup nail tech doesn’t do art.” She shook her head, Buck’s nails were always meticulous with gel extensions that barely passed the tips of her fingers so they were still practical for work, “Sorry, it’s like I said, it’s stupid.” Athena knew it didn’t matter, but it felt like a small thing she could focus on without getting lost in fear and preemptive grief. 

Suddenly Athena’s phone pinged with a text from May telling her she was outside, she’d only said that Buck had been hurt, not wanting to give her daughter the news over the phone whilst not leaving her completely in the dark, so May didn’t know what she was walking into just yet. 

“Mom, what happened?” May asked as soon as she spotted Athena, putting her umbrella down as soon as she stepped under cover. 

Athena met her at the door and pulled her into a hug before guiding her over to a bench that was tucked away from the rain, “May, Evie’s been hurt again-” 

“I know, you said in your text.” She tried not to snap but she was worried, she was usually given more information than this when Buck was in the hospital. 

Athena took a deep breath and held May’s hands in hers, “I need you to prepare yourself, because this is the worst it’s been.” She watched May take a deep breath and nod before she began, “Evelyn was struck by lightning.” 

All colour drained from May’s face as her mouth dropped open, “What? What does that mean for her?” 

“She’s in a coma baby, and they don’t know if she’s going to make it.” May let out a loud sob and tears began to flow down Athena’s face again as she pulled her daughter into a hug. “Do you want to come and see her?” 

May let out a weak “Yes please.” So Athena stood and led her towards Buck’s room, but she stopped them before May was able to see inside the room. 

“I know you’re an adult and you can handle this, but I still want to warn you ahead of time,” Athena said, “It doesn’t look good in there, there’s a lot of tubes and wires and she’s been intubated, so it’s okay if seeing her makes you feel scared or sad, because we all feel like that too.” May nodded, “Take as long as you need before entering, okay? There’s no rush.” 

May took a few seconds to psych herself up before walking into the room to be greeted by the sight of her family all standing around the room whilst Buck was hooked up to a plethora of tubes and wires. May’s lip began to wobble so Bobby stood and walked over to her, pulling her into his arms and rubbing her back, “That's it sweatpea, let it out.” He soothed as May sobbed loudly into his chest. 

At 22 May was little more than a child and it was never more obvious than it was now, as she cried in her Pops’ arms.

Athena couldn’t help but draw a comparison between her two daughters, lying there, surrounded by tubes Buck looked far younger than she actually was, closer to May’s age then she’d ever looked before. Both of her girls were so young and right now they were surrounded by so much pain. 

Eventually, when May had calmed down some, Bobby guided her around to the chair he’d previously occupied and encouraged her to sit. May reached out and took her big sister’s hand in hers, and gave it a squeeze, “Hi Buck,” She said, “I, uh, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I remember you telling me about how when people are in coma’s they can supposedly still hear the world around them. I know you’re going to fight your ass off to get back to us, and I know you’ll succeed because you’re Evelyn Grant-Nash and nothing gets the better of you. You’ve already survived one natural disaster, I know you can do it again, I need you to do it again, because I can’t lose you, none of us can.” She sniffled loudly and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. 

When Buck stopped breathing it was just Eddie in the room. Bobby and Athena had been with him but they’d stepped out to pick up some food for all of them and give Eddie some alone time with his fiancé, the three of them having taken time off of work to be with Buck. It meant there wasn’t a single minute that Buck was alone. 

It had been a week since the lightning strike and there’d been no change in Buck’s condition, people were feeling hopeful though. 

And then she went into respiratory arrest.

Eddie was on his feet in milliseconds. He hit the call button as he bolted for the door, leaning out and yelling down the hall, “I need help in here!” 

The squeak of rubber soled shoes herald the arrival of the nurses as they ran to Buck’s room, one of them removed Eddie from the room as they all worked on Buck. He watched through the window as medical professionals worked on his fiancé. He could hear people calling out numbers and fancy medical words and then another doctor jogged down the corridor and into the room, beginning to take control of the team.

Chris was supposed to be coming around after school, but Buck might be dead by then. Their son couldn’t lose another mother. 

Time seemed to stand still as he watched through the window, tears slipping down his cheeks. He couldn’t watch but he couldn’t look away, terrified that if he took his eyes off of her for just a second she’d die. 

He wanted to scream. 

He wanted to punch something. 

He wanted to fight. 

But instead he remembered the breathing techniques Frank had taught him, he couldn’t go down this destructive route, Buck wouldn't want that, he couldn’t go back to that place when he’d made such good progress. 

So instead he breathed, and he breathed, and he breathed, until finally he no longer wanted to scream, punch and fight. 

Eventually Doctor Mannering stepped out, and gave him a nod of acknowledgement, beginning to walk off, so Eddie called after him, “Doctor Mannering?” 

He stopped and turned to look at him, “Mr Diaz?” 

“What happened? Is she okay?” He asked, walking over to the man. 

“I’m sorry, I can only discuss that with her family.” 

“I’m her fiancé.” When Doctor Mannering opened his mouth to speak Eddie powered on, “Please, I- I need to know. We’re engaged and we have a son and I’ve just witnessed her dying again. Please, at least tell me she's okay.” 

He sighed, “She’s alive and we’ve been able to stabilise her. When her parents get here you can be with them for the update but that’s the most I can say. I’m sorry.” 

Eddie nodded, “Thank you.” He was genuine, he knew she was okay and for now that was enough. 

“Eddie!” Bobby called out as he and Athena strode over to where he was standing, watching Buck through the window with his arms crossed. 

He turned to look at them, giving them a sad smile. As soon as she reached him Athena pulled Eddie into her arms, holding him tightly, “What happened?” She asked. 

Eddie let himself relax into her arms, “I dunno, one minute I’m sitting with her, the next she’s going into respiratory arrest and no one will tell me anything.” 

Athena pulled back but kept her arms on his biceps, “I’ll talk to the nurses and make sure you’re able to get updates without us present, okay?” 

“Thank you.” He pulled her in for another hug before breaking away and pulling Bobby into an embrace, “Hey Cap.” 

Bobby patted him on the back before stepping away, “Hey, how are you doing?” 

“I’ve been better.” He sighed, getting a tight lipped, sad smile from Bobby. 

They all stood in silence, looking in through the window, Bobby and Athena taking in the additional tubes that had joined the collection that Buck was already hooked up to as a doctor and nurse kept hustling about the bed. 

After what felt like a lifetime the doctor stepped out of the room and approached them, giving them all a courteous smile and then shook everyone's hands. 

“Hi, I’m Doctor Marsham, I’m the pulmonologist on call. So what's happened is Evelyn went into respiratory arrest because she isn’t able to oxygenate her body right now. It is a known symptom of lightning strikes but it was a delayed onset. To combat this whilst her body recovers we’ve hooked her up to an ECMO machine which is taking blood from her body, oxygenating it for her and then pumping it back into her” He explained.

“And will she recover from this? Be able to oxygenate her blood herself again?” Athena asked. 

“We hope so.” Doctor Marsham answered, “But we’re keeping a close eye on her and doing everything possible to help her.” 

When Chris saw Buck in the hospital for the first time he was devastated, but he was also angry. 

“You lied to me.” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth, tone snappy, “You promised me you weren’t going anywhere but you lied.” 

“Chris.” Eddie scolded. 

“But she did! She told me she wasn’t going anywhere and now she’s gonna die.” Tears sprang to Chris’ eyes and began to dribble down his face. 

Eddie squatted down in front of his son as he gently turned him to face him, “Hey, hey bud, your Mom is a fighter and she’s fighting to come home to us, I know it.” 

Chris messily wiped his face with the back of his hand, His voice dropping to a whisper, “I’m scared Dad.” 

“Yeah, I’m scared too, but that’s okay because this is a scary situation. You don’t have to pretend you’re not because your Mom wouldn’t want you to hide your feelings, that isn’t good for you. So you can let yourself be sad and scared and angry, but you still need to have hope, and you can’t take it out on your Mom, because she needs our love and support right now, okay?” Frank would be proud of him for that he thought. But not only was it a reminder for Chris but for himself, because he too was scared, sad and angry, angry at the universe for putting Buck through yet another trauma, and this time she might not come back from it. 

“Can she hear me?” Chris asked after a second.

Eddie nodded, “Yeah, I bet she can. You should talk to her.” 

Chris stepped away and moved over to the edge of Buck’s bed, so he was near her head, “Sorry I got angry at you, it’s not your fault this happened. But you have to be okay, we need you and we really love you. I know you can do this, I know I said you were gonna die but that was just me being angry, I really do think you can beat this, because you’re Buck, you’re my Mom, and you were able to save me from a tsunami even though you hurt yourself really badly. And you survived coughing up all that blood, and getting crushed by a ladder truck, you’re stronger than a bolt of lightning Mom, I know you are because you’re a real life super hero.” He nodded to himself, satisfied that he’d said everything he needed to, so now he could talk to her about school stuff because Buck loved hearing about what he got up to at school, “I, uh, I have show and tell next week, and I was going to ask if I could bring your signed Philly Flyers jersey. Last time Nate brought a signed PSG jersey, I don’t know what that means all I know is that it’s a soccer team. But I thought I could bring yours because hockey is way cooler than soccer.” Buck was a big ice hockey fan and even though she’d lived in LA for longer than she’d lived in Pennsylvania she’d always remained loyal to her first home’s team. 

“I’m sure your Mom won’t mind you taking it, as long as you’re careful with it.” Buck cherished the signed jersey, it was displayed in a frame in the lounge and everything. It'd been a gift from one of her childhood friends who’d gone on to play in the NHL and actually ended up spending some time with the Flyers so he’d gotten her a jersey signed by the whole team for her 25th birthday. Eddie wasn’t really an ice hockey fan but whenever the Flyers were playing and they weren’t working he’d sit down with Buck and Chris (because she’d gotten him into ice hockey as well), in their matching jerseys, and watch it. 

“Oh yeah, I’ll be super careful, don’t worry Mom.” Chris told her, nodding enthusiastically. 

At the end of week two Buck was still showing no signs of waking up, and Bobby, Eddie and Athena were still off of work. 

Bobby and Athena were taking it in shifts to be with Buck, having a few hours of crossover so they could see each other, whilst Eddie was there during school hours. He knew Buck would want him to be with Chris so he made sure to be with their son as much as possible, then after school he’d sneak Chris in for a few hours (well, it was less sneaking now, they pretty much just walked in, unless nurse Lindsey was working, she was a real stickler for the rules whilst the others just turned a blind eye to the 118 and Chris, they stayed out of the way when they needed to so it wasn’t like they were causing problems, it was just easier to let them do their thing). 

Athena walked into the room where Bobby, Eddie and May were sitting around chatting, May telling them about what she was getting up to in college. 

“Hey, I brought food.” Athena held up two paper bags from a diner around the corner they all liked. 

“Thanks Mom.” May said, standing to take one of the bags from her and setting it down so she could rummage through it. Athena chuckled and shook her head at her daughter. 

She walked over and placed a kiss on Bobby’s temple, “Hey you.”

“Hi.” He replied, turning so he could kiss her on the lips. 

She then went over and gave Eddie a kiss on the top of his head, “Hi.”

“Hey Athena.” 

“How’s she doing today?” She asked, looking over at Buck.

Bobby shook his head sadly, “Same as always.” 

Athena walked over to Buck and placed a kiss on her forehead, muttering an “oh baby” into her hair. She gave her another kiss and then sat on the edge of the bed as the others divvied out the food and ate. 

She took Buck’s left hand in hers, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. And then she noticed it, “Where’s her engagement ring?” 

Bobby and May’s heads whipped around, panic and worry clearly written on their faces. But Eddie looked calm as he pulled his Saint Christopher’s medal out from under his top, “I’ve got it.” He said, “I was worried something might happen to it so I’m holding onto it for her.” Everyone visibly relaxed at that, “I couldn’t save her necklace though, the doctors removed it when she was first brought in and mislaid it.” Which was exactly what he’d been scared of when he took her ring. 

Buck never took the necklace off, it’d been a gift from her Mom and Pops for her 18th birthday; a simple white gold chain with a moonstone pendant, one of the three birthstones for June. Eddie hadn’t seen her without it on once the whole time he’d known her, until now that was, it’s one of the reasons he hadn’t noticed it was missing, it was just a part of her at this point. He’d been pissed when he found out they’d lost it though, he knew when she woke up Buck would be devastated. 

Athena let out a sad little sigh, “We can get her another, I’m sure.” 

“It won’t be the same though.” May said as she fiddled with her own necklace, although the pendant on hers was turquoise as that was one of December’s birthstones, also an 18th birthday gift from her parents. 

“No I suppose not.” Athena said, looking downcast, “But at least the engagement ring was saved, she’s going to need it when she wakes up.” 

“Maybe we can get her another as a wedding present?” Bobby suggested, “Then it’s still got sentimental value.” 

“I like the sounds of that.” May said around a mouth full of burger, “But that does mean I need a second one when I get married.”

“Thinking about your wedding already are we?” Eddie joked, “Does this mean there’s a special someone in your life?” 

May scoffed, “God no, my romantic horizons are pretty pathetic right now, besides I’m focusing on my studies.” 

“Hey, come on, you need to get out there, have some fun and meet some people. College doesn’t have to be just studying, you’re allowed to let your hair down, as long as you're responsible.” Bobby encouraged. 

“Oh, they’ve got a good LGBT society at UCLA, have you tried joining that?” Eddie suggested. 

May glared at him, “Why do you know about UCLA’s queer scene?” 

Eddie just shrugged, “Buck was telling me about it, she did some research when you first got in, which segued into her encouraging me to go clubbing with her.” When everyone looked at him in confusion he sighed before clarifying, “Buck says I’m a bad bisexual for not going to gay bars with her, she’s trying to ease me into it as I don’t really do clubbing.” 

“Why would not going to gay bars make you a bad bisexual?” Bobby asked, extremely confused. 

“Oh, no, it doesn’t, it’s the fact that I don’t go to them with her. I mean, I don’t go to them at all, but that’s not her problem, she’d probably still call me a bad bisexual if I went out but didn’t bring her.”

May shook her head with a fond chuckle, “Yep, sounds like Evie. She took me to my first gay bar when I turned 21 after bullying me into it, she then proceeded to try and be my wingman only for her to fail spectacularly, but I still got fi-” She suddenly remembered her parents were in the room, “-iiiiilmed for a music video.” She cringed at the god awful attempt at a lie that she knew her parents weren’t buying. Thankfully they let it slide, really not wanting to talk about their daughter’s sex life. 

“Mrs Grant-Nash.” One of the nurses, Wendy, said, keeping her voice low in the darkness of the room as she tried to wake Athena up. But she was too quiet, “Mrs Grant-Nash.” She tried again, voice a bit louder, but still not loud enough. On her third attempt though she managed to rouse Athena, “I’m sorry Mrs Grant-Nash, I was just wondering if you’d like me to bring a cot in with a blanket and some pillows, you don’t look overly comfortable there.” 

“It’s alright, I don’t want to be a pain.” She said with a soft smile. 

She gave Athena a sweet smile in return, she was one of the younger nurses that was very present in Buck’s care, she was a lovely girl, always wanting to help them out, “You wouldn’t be a pain, I’ve got the time and I’m worried about your neck.” 

“Alright, thank you.” 

It didn’t take long for her to set up the bed so soon enough Athena was left alone with her thoughts again, this time laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. 

She couldn’t lose her daughter, it would destroy her if she did. For the last two weeks the only thing she could think about was Buck and the pure fear that came with her lying still in that god forsaken bed hooked up to all those wires and tubes. It was one of the many reasons she was taking time off of work, she wouldn’t have been able to focus on her job and would’ve made mistakes that could be fatal, so she’d taken time off to be with her daughter. 

As Athena lay there she couldn’t help but think about the little girl they’d taken in almost twenty years ago; the gangly 5 foot 4 thirteen year old with wild, frizzy hair she didn’t know how to tame, hiding in oversized clothes and barely saying a word. Thinking about how she’d taught Buck how to control the frizz, bringing out her wild curls, and how she’d taught her all sorts of hair-dos. How Buck would flinch at the slightest noise that was too abrupt or too loud, how she and Bobby had managed to slowly coax her out of her shell first with respect and then with love, how she’d slowly started to become this loud and brash, silly young woman full of passion and life. 

When they’d first taken Buck in she didn’t express her emotions around others, just hiding away in her sweater or disappearing off to her room. Bobby and Athena had put a lock on the inside of Buck’s bedroom door for her to use so she’d feel safe, able to shut them out (of course Bobby being a fire Captain meant they could easily break the door down in an emergency but that was an absolute last resort and not something they’d voiced to Buck so they didn’t scare her). She remembered how many a-time she or Bobby would hear Buck crying or what they quickly learnt were her tell-tale signs of a nightmare, and how badly she’d wanted to kick that door in so she could hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be alright. 

The first time Buck had let herself breakdown in front of Athena was seared into her mind, so deeply imprinted that she’d often relive it in her dreams, usually after a bad call that involved child abuse, especially if the child involved was a teenage girl. But over the last two weeks she’d been dreaming it on a loop most nights, it all feeling so real and visceral. 

Evie was barely 14 and had been living with the Grant-Nash’s for almost a year and she’d made some real improvements, having become more open and less nervy, actively engaging with Bobby and Athena more and more (she’d been good with May from day one, so there’d never been any issues there), but she still had a long way to go; she was still closed off, she didn’t like expressing negative emotions around them even if she did now laugh and smile much more readily. 

Bobby was on a 48 hour shift and May was with Micheal so it was just her and Evie in the house. It’d been a nice evening, the two of them eating takeout and watching cheesy rom-coms, Evie smiling and laughing more than usual. 

So of course it had to be that night that a particularly bad nightmare hit. 

Athena was woken at 2am by a soft knock on the door, “Come in.” She called out, she knew it was Evie so she made sure her voice was calm and open, not wanting to sound like she’d just been woken up so the girl didn’t feel bad about coming to her. 

The door slowly creaked open, Evie stood awkwardly, “Hey baby, what’s wrong?” Athena asked. 

She saw the shadowy figure of her foster daughter wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater as she sniffled, “Can I sleep with you tonight?” She asked, voice teary. 

“Oh, of course Evie, come here.” She pulled the covers back and the young girl scuttled over, gingerly climbing onto the bed, as if she were scared Athena would change her mind and scream at her or hit her. She knew that Evie knew she’d never ever do that but she also knew that 12 years of mistreatment didn’t go away because two people treated you nicely for almost a year. So she made sure to stay as still as possible, giving Evie the time and space she needed to feel safe. 

Once she was lying down Athena adjusted the duvet so they were both under it. 

Evie had left a gap between them so they weren’t touching, so she could make a quick escape should she feel the need to. 

Athena experimentally laid her hand in the space between them, resting it on her pillow, offering it to Evie should she want to reach out but not pressuring her. Honestly Athena thought that would be it, Evie would let her hand sit near her and leave it at that, so when she reached out and took her hand Athena was shocked, but she didn’t let it show, instead loosely wrapping her hand around the girls. 

But if that had been shocking Evie’s next move was even more surprising. As soon as Athena’s hand had closed Evie pulled hers away, but instead of bolting she pretty much threw herself at Athena and clung onto her with everything she had, arms and legs wrapped around her as she began to sob. 

Athena did the only thing she could in that situation; she wrapped her arms around Evie and held her just as tightly, rubbing circles on her back as she whispered soothing words into her ear. 

“It’s alright, I’ve got you, I’ve got you, you’re safe, baby, I promise you’re safe.” 

She kept reminding her that she was safe and could let her feelings out until the young girl had finally cried herself to sleep. 

Athena pressed a gentle kiss into her hair before letting herself fall back asleep. 

When she woke the next morning Evie was still wrapped around her, fast asleep, so Athena buried her face in the wild curls that had pinged out of the bun Evie had slept in, letting them tickle her nose as she pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead. 

She didn’t know how long it was but eventually Evie awoke, stretching out her whole body like a cat. And yet again she managed to surprise Athena in the best way possible, instead of getting up and leaving, scattering now that the blanket of night wasn’t there to hide under, she wrapped her arms around Athena again and let out a sleepy, “Hi Mom.” 

“Good morning baby.” She replied, but as soon as she spoke Evie finally reacted how she’d expected, pulling back, eyes wide in fear as she sat up.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I didn’t mean to say that, I won’t do it again, I promise, I’m sorry-” She began to plead, no doubt getting all muddled in her head. 

“Woah, hey, hey, it’s okay.” She said, voice smooth and calm as she sat up, “I liked it, it was nice, and I’m more than happy for you to do it again, if that’s something you’d like.” She held her hands up in surrender and then slowly placed one of them palm up on the bed between them, just like she’d done the night before, an offer of physical contact should she want it, “You’re allowed to call me Mom, I promise baby, because I would be honoured to be your Mom but only if that’s what you want, okay?” 

Evie gave her a small, slow nod, “Okay.” She went to reach for Athena’s hand but pulled hers back before she’d even got halfway there. Athena thought she might’ve reached her limit but much like the night before she threw herself at Athena and wrapped her arms around her, crying again. 

Athena rubbed her back, “That’s it, let it all out, that’s it, you’re doing so well Evie.” 

She didn’t realise she’d fallen asleep until her eyes snapped open, the sound of an alarm piercing her skull. 

She looked over to see Buck seizing in the bed as nurses ran in. Athena stayed back, giving them space to work as tears ran down her face. 

“Somebody get Doctor Welton.” One of the nurses called out as she stared at her watch. 

By the time Buck had stopped seizing Doctor Welton, Buck’s neurologist, walked into the room. As the nurse began to run Welton through everything Wendy came and crouched down in front of Athena, “Hey Mrs Grant-Nash, how about you come with me and get a cup of tea whilst Doctor Welton checks Evelyn over?” 

“Oh, I- I d-” She couldn’t take her eyes off of Buck. 

Wendy placed a gentle hand on her knee, “I really think you should, you’re shaking like a leaf.” Athena was powerless to do anything as Wendy guided her to her feet and led her out of the room and to the cafeteria. 

Once they were there she grabbed Athena a herbal tea but a coffee for herself (she’d made a joke about the night shift but Athena still wasn’t quite mentally in the room yet). 

“So, what’s she like? Evelyn I mean.” Wendy asked once they were sitting, blowing on her coffee, “It’s just, I see her most days and how we all turn a blind eye to how many people are in her room and how you don’t abide by visiting hours. I dunno, it just feels like someone like that must be pretty special.” 

Athena couldn’t stop herself from smiling, also blowing on her drink before speaking, “Yeah, she’s- she’s quite something. She’s an absolute golden retriever, just full of so much energy to the point she’s practically vibrating with it. She’s selfless to the point it’s detrimental to her health though, and I don’t mean that in the way most firefighters are, she goes the extra mile, she once climbed a crane whilst there was a sniper targeting firefighters so she could help a man who was pinned by a metal bar.”

“Woah, that’s amazing.” 

Athena nodded, “It’s also taking years off of my life.” Athena joked, “Honestly that girl should have a rewards card to this place she’s in here so much.” Athena stopped for a second and looked at Wendy, analysing her, “You’re new, aren’t you?” 

Wendy nodded, “Fresh out of school.” 

“You’d never know.” Athena complimented, “The only reason I can tell is because my family are regulars. But you’ll get used to our faces soon enough, we’re in and out of this place every few months. It’s why most of the nurses let us take liberties, we know how to stay out of the way but we’re also stubborn, most of them are fed up with telling us the same thing on a loop only for us to ignore them.”

“Yeah, I was warned when Evelyn was admitted to the ICU.” 

“Really? And what did they have to say about us?” 

“To let you do your own thing and if anyone asks, we didn’t see anything.” Wendy told her with a mischievous grin, “I was curious about that, but I can see why now.” 

Eventually Athena was able to go back to Buck, Wendy walking by her side as they headed back to the ICU. 

She’d already alerted Bobby and Eddie and asked them to come over so they could all get the update together. 

Both of the men were waiting for her outside of Buck’s room, looking in through the window. 

Wendy excused herself and hugs and kisses were exchanged between the three of them before they stepped into the room as a unit. 

Doctor Welton was in there looking over Buck’s charts but turned to them as soon as they entered. 

“Before you ask, there’s nothing to worry about, okay?” The Doctor said by way of greeting and then put notes she was holding back at the end of Buck’s bed where they lived, “I’ve checked her over and she’s fine, although she did have a seizure.” 

“I’m sorry, in what world does ‘fine’ and ‘seizure’ go together?” Eddie snapped. Bobby placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to remind him to calm down and reign it in, which he did, “Sorry, sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“It’s alright Mr Diaz, I know this is scary. But the seizure isn’t something I’m all that concerned about, there have been reports of seizures happening to individuals who have been struck by lightning and we’ve just run some scans that confirm there has been no deterioration in her brain. This is just a symptom of the lightning rearing its head.” She explained. 

“Do you think this will be a persistent problem once she wakes up?” Bobby asked. 

“It’s hard to say, we won’t know until she’s woken up. But it’s like we’ve discussed there are many long term neurological effects that we won’t know about until she wakes up, but I am still hopeful she’ll wake up, we just need to give her time.” 

Week three saw two more seizures, and thankfully medication in the hopes of stopping them. Unfortunately one of them had happened during Chris’ weekly visit. 

He’d been sitting at Buck’s bedside doing his homework, he liked doing it with Buck as she usually helped him when he was stuck so being with her felt familiar. Besides, she never actually gave him the answers, instead acting like a sounding board, making comments to prompt thoughts until he figured out the answer on his own, so although she couldn’t feed him those comments he already knew exactly what she would say. So he’d sit with her to keep some sense of normalcy. 

Eddie was out in the corridor taking a phone call when Buck began to seize, but Chris was looking at her when it started so in his head the first twitch, the first time he’d seen her move in almost three weeks, was a sign that she was waking up.

“Mom?” 

Eddie heard the title immediately, dropping his phone in his haste and moving into the room only to process what was happening immediately, “Fuck.” He immediately back tracked and yelled out the door, “I need help in here! She’s seizing!” He then ran back into the room and picked Chris up, moving him over to the cot that now lived at the edge of the room for whoever was taking the night watch. 

“Dad!” Chris tried to get back up and get to Buck but Eddie just crouched down as nurses ran into the room, putting his hands on Chris’ shoulders.

“Buddy, I need you to stay here and let the nurses do their job, okay?” 

Chris shook his head, “But she’s waking up, she just doesn’t like the tube.” 

Eddie tried to stop his face from falling but he couldn’t mask it fast enough, so instead he just pulled Chris into his arms, “No, she’s not Chris, she’s still asleep, she’s just not very well right now.” Chris was old enough to know what a seizure was, he’d even had a few as a baby, but Eddie didn’t want to have this conversation whilst Buck was convulsing and being seen to by nurses. 

Chris just let his Dad hold him, but he was able to see over his shoulder and watch what was happening as his Mom stopped and the nurses continued to take readings, Doctor Welton amongst them. 

Eventually the nurses began to filter out but Doctor Welton came over to them, “Mr Diaz?” Eddie looked up at her, still holding Chris, “She’s fine, but can we talk in private? Away from- sorry I never got your name young man.” She said with a kind smile.

“Chris.” He squeaked as Eddie released him from the embrace. Both of them turned to look at Doctor Welton, Eddie remaining crouched so Doctor Welton joined them on the floor. 

“You’re Evelyn’s son, right?” She asked. Chris nodded, “My name is Doctor Olivia Welton,” She held her hand out for him to shake, which he took. “Do you mind if I borrow your Dad for a minute? I want to have a chat about your Mom.” Chris nodded so Doctor Welton jerked her head towards the door, the pair stepping out. 

Chris stood and went to Buck’s bedside, pulling over the plastic chair that had been chucked aside by the nurses. He took the seat, ignoring his scattered and trampled on homework that had gone flying in the commotion. Fuck his history homework, it didn’t matter anymore, not when something was very wrong with his Mom. The Doctor said she was fine but Chris wasn’t a baby, he understood that what had happened was bad, as soon as he’d realised she wasn’t waking up he knew it wasn’t good. 

Chris leant forward, crossing his arms on the bed and resting his head on them, looking at his Mom, “I love you.” He told her, voice quiet but full of conviction, “I wish you could say it back. I miss your voice, and your laugh, and the silly noises you make when you get excited, the house is really quiet without you there. Please wake up Mom, I need you.” He messily wiped the tears that had begun to lazily roll down his cheeks with the back of his hands. 

It didn’t take long for his Dad and Doctor Welton to return, “Doctor Welton?” Chris said.

“Yes?” 

“What’s wrong with my Mom?” 

She looked over at Eddie who nodded so she pulled over another chair so she was on the same level as Chris as she began to explain what was going on, “So, one of the effects of being struck by lightning is seizures and your Mom has started to develop them. And right now I’m trying to find out what’s going on and why. You see I’m a neurologist so I specialise in the brain, so it’s my job to figure out why your Mom is having these seizures and how to treat them so she can get better. So I’ve been speaking to your Dad and we’re going to do some scans of her brain. We've already done a bunch but we’re gonna do some more in case we missed anything, I promise you Chris, we are going to do everything we can to get your Mom better again.” 

Chris appreciated being treated like an adult, he wasn’t some baby and he knew something was wrong so he wanted to understand it properly, “Thank you Doctor Welton.” 

She gave him a big grin, “That’s alright, it’s natural to be curious about these things, and it often puts people at ease when they’re able to make sense of it all.” She stood, “If you have any more questions don’t hesitate to ask. I love my job and I love talking about it so don’t be scared to come and chat to me about any of this.” She then turned to Eddie, “Same goes for you and the rest of your family.” And then she left to sort the paper work for Buck’s scans. 

Eddie took the seat Doctor Welton had just vacated, “Are you okay?” He asked, making eye contact with Chris who nodded, “It’s okay if you’re not.” 

“I’m scared.” He admitted. 

“Yeah, so am I.” Eddie admitted, “But we can be scared together.”

Week 4 saw Buck coming off of the ECMO machine, finally able to oxygenate her blood again. Which was finally a step in the right direction. And there’d been no more seizures thankfully, the medication doing its job. 

It didn’t mean there weren’t concerns. Because even as she appeared to improve there was still no sign of waking. But the doctors seemed ready to take the next step, ready to see if Buck could breath on her own. 

Doctor Mannering and Doctor Marsham stood with Bobby, Athena, Eddie and a nurse around the bed waiting to see if Buck would take a breath. The atmosphere in the room was heavy, a thick anxiety settling over them. 

Bobby had his rosary in his hand, slowly going through each bead with a Hail Mary muttered under his breath whilst Eddie had an arm around Athena who was hugging herself. 

It felt like time had stopped as they all, ironically, held their breath. 

But when the alarms began to go off, everyone deflated as she was hooked back up to the ventilator. 

“Fuck.” Eddie groaned, “Isn’t there anything else we can do?” 

“I’m sorry Mr Diaz, but it’s just a waiting game.” Doctor Mannering said, looking genuinely apologetic, “But she’s doing well, she’s getting better.” 

“Better? She’s been in a coma for almost a month, how is that ‘better’?” 

“Eddie.” Bobby’s tone held a warning, telling him not to take his frustration out on the doctors. 

“I know it’s been a long time, but she’s able to oxygenate her blood herself again, that’s a step in the right direction.” Doctor Marsham reminded them, “And she’ll breathe on her own when she’s ready. If you like, I can get Doctor Welton so you can discuss the neurological side of this, she will probably have more answers for you than we do.” 

It was the beginning of week 5 when Bobby and Eddie had to go back to work, they were almost out of days off and with the coma having now been over a month the uncertainty of if she’d ever wake up was beginning to really set in, so they couldn’t really justify taking any more time off. 

Athena was still off though, she’d gotten signed off by her doctor as unfit to work, something Elaine had recommended she did so there wasn’t a rush on her coming back, plus she still had concerns about whether or not she’d be able to work with a clear head whilst Buck was in hospital. 

So by the end of week 5 she’d essentially moved into Buck’s hospital room. She spent her days sitting at her daughter's bedside, living off of the shitty cafeteria food and whatever members of the 118 or Elaine would bring along for her. 

“Athena?” Her head whipped around from where she’d been watching Buck to find Hen in the doorway. 

“Hey Hen.” At the greeting the woman in question walked into the room and sat on the edge of Buck’s bed. 

“How’s she doing?” 

Athena shrugged, “No change. The doctors want to try taking her off of the ventilator again at the end of the week.” 

“Good, that’s good.” Hen sounded a little far away as she nodded, eyes not leaving Buck’s face. It’d been over a month now and Buck had lost a lot of weight, making her look far younger than 31. If anything she looked more like she had when Hen first met her at 19; gangly with little visible muscle, as opposed to the 31 year old power lifter she was, more muscular than all of the men at the 118. She’d often get Eddie to climb onto her back and squat with him, the two of them in hysterics the whole time, she’d even had Eddie on her back and Chim in a bridal carry once as part of a bet they had going. But now she looked like she couldn’t even squat with May on her back. 

“And how’re you doing?” 

“The same?” Athena shrugged, eyes not leaving her daughter, “Just as scared and sad as always.” 

Hen put a supportive hand on Athena’s shoulder, “She’ll wake up, I know it.” Athena glanced over at her, the desperation and depression clear in her eyes, “She’s Evelyn Grant-Nash, she is the most stubborn person I know, and that includes you. We just need to give her time, but she’ll come back to us.” 

“I hope you’re right.” Athena sighed, taking her daughter's hand and giving it a squeeze, “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her for real this time.” 

“You’re not going to have to find out any time soon, I can feel it.” 

“I hope you’re right.” Athena then tutted, “We really need to get this manicure off of her, it’s getting ridiculous, and I don’t think she’d appreciate waking up to such grown out extensions.” 

“I’d hardly call them extensions,” Hen chuckled, “They’re too short for that.” 

Athena waved her off with a small smile, “They’re longer than her real nails so they count.” 

It’d been one month and five days and Bobby, Eddie and Athena were standing at Buck’s bedside with Doctor Mannering and Doctor Marsham again. 

They all watched and waited with bated breath as Marsham disconnected the ventilator. 

Just like last time Bobby had his rosary, counting his hail Mary’s with each bead as Eddie held Athena. 

The Doctors muttered between themselves, discussing at what point to reconnect the ventilator should Buck fail to take a breath. 

“30 more seconds.” Marsham said, keeping her voice low. 

Mannering had his eyes on his watch, counting the seconds. 

“25, 26, 27, 28, 29- 30. Let’s reconnect her.” Just as Marsham went to hook her up. Just as they’d declared this another failed attempt-

Buck finally took a breath. 

Chapter Text

Buck woke up feeling groggy with a tingle under her skin. She groaned as she peeled her eyes open, only for her to scrunch them shut again when the light felt like it was burning her retinas off. 

“She lives.” A familiar voice chuckled, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. 

She turned her head towards the voice and was finally able to open her eyes, only to be greeted by the face of Adam Clark.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” He smiled at her. Buck’s brain buffered as she took Adam’s face in, he looked older than the last time she’d seen him, grey hairs starting to pop out amongst the ginger, new wrinkles on his forehead and around his eyes, “Evelyn, are you okay?” 

She managed to shake herself out of her confusion as she finally realised she was in a hospital bed, “Uh, y-yeah, I’m, uh, I’m fine, what happened?” 

“You don’t remember?” He looked rather concerned at that, his eyes then flitted up so he was looking over Buck’s head, “Maddie?” 

Buck’s head whipped around to find a short woman in scrubs, her brown hair in bunchies. She walked closer and Buck was able to get a good look at her ID badge, the name ‘Maddie Kendal’ printed on it in bold letters. 

She was so confused, why was she in a hospital bed with her ex at her bedside and her long lost sister looking after her, “She took a rather nasty hit to the head, the doctor isn’t worried.” Maddie then chuckled, “Besides you’ve taken worse hits, haven’t you Evie? Nothing your skull can’t take.” 

Adam cupped the back of her head with a large hand, his thumb gently stroking it. The action was clearly meant to comfort but it just made her feel uncomfortable, he was acting far too familiar for someone she hadn’t seen in years. 

“You still haven’t told me what happened.” She said, she needed answers soon because she felt like she was going crazy. 

“You were hanging decorations in your classroom when you slipped off of the ladder and hit your head.” Adam told her. 

“And they called you?” 

“Well, they called 911, but I just happened to be the dispatcher who took it.” Adam chuckled. 

“And then you came here?” 

Adam looked at her, a bit boggled but trying to keep a smile on, “I wasn’t going to leave my wife alone in hospital, even if it is the one her sister works at.” Wife? What the fuck? “Do we know why she passed out?” 

Maddie smiled gently at Buck before turning back to Adam, “Just low iron, nothing to worry about.” 

Buck sat in the passenger seat of Adam’s car, head resting against the window as she watched LA slide by. Adam had a hand on her thigh whilst the other was on the steering wheel, for once Buck was cursing automatic cars, if there’d been a gear stick Adam wouldn’t have a free hand to touch her with. 

“We need to run by the grocery store on the way home, are you up for that?” He asked. 

Buck simply gave him a far off “Yeah.” Eyes not leaving the window. 

“Are you okay?” 

He got another noncommittal, “Yeah” from her. 

“Evie, seriously, talk to me baby, what’s up?” She could hear the frustration beginning to colour his voice. Her Adam had never been like this, but she supposed she’d known a younger Adam, this Adam was 5 years older and they’d been together for quite a while so of course he’d be different. But still, this Adam felt weird, darker almost, more possessive, what had happened over the last 5 years to turn him into this? 

“Nothing, I’m just tired.” She huffed. 

Adam groaned loudly as they pulled into the Trader Joe’s parking lot, “Quit acting like a child and just talk to me.” He parked up and turned the engine off, turning in his seat to face Buck. 

“I mean it, it’s nothing, I’m tired.” She reiterated. 

He huffed as he turned away and undid his seatbelt, climbing out of the car, “Fine, be like that.” As he stood he turned to her, “Are you coming or what?” 

She unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind her. As they walked side by side Buck put her hands in her pockets whilst Adam placed one of his on her lower back applying pressure to encourage her forward, the pair crossing the parking lot together.

When they got to the entrance Adam finally took his hand away so he could grab a cart. 

They were silent as Buck followed Adam through the shop, watching as the man grabbed the occasional thing and threw it into the cart. 

When they got to the butcher's section Buck stepped away to look at some seasoning so she didn’t have to see the whole pig they had hanging up behind the counter. She was fine seeing dead animals (and people) at work, and she was fine with people eating meat around her, she was even fine cooking it as she often did at the station and for Eddie and Chris. But chuck a dead pig in a shop and her stomach would turn. 

“Evie?” She heard Adam call.

She turned towards him, doing her best to ignore the pig, “Hm?” 

“Do you think this is enough for both of us?” He asked, pointing at a lump of meat that the butcher was holding. 

“Us? I- I don’t eat meat. I’m vegetarian.” She reminded him, feeling extremely confused. 

Adam laughed loudly, “Very funny. Now come on, is this enough for both of us?” 

Buck just stood, frozen, sure she’d become a vegetarian in her late teens but it was something she’d been wanting to do most of her life, she just hadn’t had the courage to bring it up. She clearly must’ve never gained that courage and just kept eating meat in this world. 

She laughed awkwardly, “Ah, got me.” She got out through gritted teeth, “That- uh, yeah, that should be fine.” 

With that Adam turned back to the butcher and took the mystery meat (Buck really didn’t want to know what kind it was just yet, she’d just torture herself with it if she did) and chucked it in the cart before carrying on. 

Buck trailed a few steps behind him, grabbing the occasional thing off of the shelves and throwing it in the cart. 

“Which one of us is cooking tonight?” She eventually asked. 

Adam stopped walking so he could look at her, confusion written all over his face, “Evie, you can’t cook, last time you tried you almost burnt the kitchen down.” Oh, it’d been Bobby and Athena who taught her how to cook, clearly Margaret and Phillip had never bothered, go figure. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re really off.” 

“I told you, I’m fine.” 

“Jesus Christ Ev-” As soon as he clocked his voice rising he stopped himself, before continuing at a whisper, “You’re not fine, pretty much everything you’ve said since the hospital had been off. I’m worried about you, so what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, nothing is wrong Adam.” She snapped, keeping her voice low, “It’s all just been a lot and I’m feeling a bit scrambled, that’s all.” 

“Scr- I- fucking hell.” He ran his hands down his face, “I can’t do this here, we’ll talk when we get home.” 

Adam turned away from her and continued walking with the cart until he had everything they needed and went to pay. They stood in line silently, neither of them saying a word, not even looking at each other. 

The woman at the check out smiled cheerily at them, making idle conversation with Adam as she scanned things, Buck stood with the shopping cart at the end of the till, bagging everything up. Eventually it was done and Adam had paid so they walked back to the car. 

“I’ve got this.” Adam said, voice flat, “Go wait in the car.” 

Buck went to argue but the look Adam gave her had her shutting her mouth and climbing into the passengers side, sitting patiently as everything was stowed away and the cart was returned. 

Yet again there was silence, not even the radio filling the car. Buck had gone to put some music on but Adam had slapped her hand away so he didn’t have to break his silence to tell her not to. So instead Buck rested her head against the window and watched the world slide by as Adam placed a hand on her thigh, squeezing it just a little too hard. 

The house they pulled up outside of was nice, it was nothing special but it looked homely. So Buck jumped out of the car and grabbed some of the shopping bags, Adam taking the others and then locking the car. 

Adam let them in and Buck couldn’t help but look around, taking in all of the photos lining the wall, all of them containing Buck and Adam with different combinations of friends and family, whilst some were of just the two of them. She eventually spotted one of their wedding pictures, they both looked so happy as they walked out of the church, confetti flying everywhere. Adam was in a classic suit whilst Buck was in a full on white princess ballgown thing, not necessarily the kind of thing she’d pick for hers and Eddie’s wedding but it was nice. 

She kept following Adam until they reached the kitchen, her ‘husband’ taking the bags off of her once he’d put his down on the kitchen table. 

“You should get out of your work clothes, then we’ll talk.” He said. 

Fuck, she didn’t know where their room was, but she couldn’t just ask, it would make this whole situation a thousand times worse, so she did the next best thing, she started what she knew would turn into a fight.

“Can’t we just talk now?” She asked, a sharp undertone in her voice. 

Adam didn’t look at her, instead focusing on unpacking the shopping, “No, we’re not having this conversation whilst you’re still in your work clothes.” 

“You’re still in yours.” She pointed out, “Which I’d like to remind you is a uniform, with a logo and everything, mine’s not.” 

“Fine.” He turned to look at her, a deep frustration in his tone, “You want to do this now? We’ll do this now. You’re not acting like yourself, I don’t know who this-” He waved his hands around, indicating her whole body, “-is.” The anger in his voice started to become more pronounced as he spoke, “Because it doesn’t feel like I brought my wife home from the hospital. And I’m beginning to wonder whether we need to get your head checked again because something is clearly wrong with you.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” She bit back, “You try smashing your head in.” 

“That’s not enough to make you think you’re a veggie who can cook.” 

“I was joking! We both know I was joking.” She hadn’t been, but she needed to justify this before he dragged her back to the hospital. 

Adam let out a bitter laugh, “But you weren’t, I let it slide at the store because I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I know you, and I know that you were being serious. Look if you want to go vegetarian and learn how to cook then just say so instead of playing these stupid mindgames with me.” At this point he was fully yelling at her, something she’d never heard him do before. 

She tried to hold back tears as she defended herself, but in all honesty she was terrified of him right now, “I’m not playing mindgames.”  

“Then what the fuck is going on?” 

“You wouldn’t get it, okay? If I told you you’d think I was crazy, so just drop it.” A few tears finally broke free, dribbling down her face. 

Adam scoffed, throwing his hands in the air, “Right, because that’s reassuring.” He took a step towards her and she couldn’t help but flinch, which he didn’t miss, so he softened his tone as he pulled her into his arms. She brought her own arms up and wrapped them around him, shaking like a leaf, “I love you, and I can’t bear the thought of anything bad happening to you, I just want you to be okay.” He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks, “It’s that time of year again baby, surely you can understand why that’s got me so worried?” What the fuck did that mean? 

But she needed to keep him happy before he inevitably snapped again, so she nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course, I’m sorry.” 

He pulled her in for a kiss but she did the bare minimum to reciprocate it, she didn’t want to kiss anyone who wasn’t Eddie, but if she didn’t kiss Adam back she’d only arouse further suspicion, so she did. 

“I love you so much Evie.” He whispered into her mouth, “And I hate to see you hurting, so let me take care of you.”

“I’m fine, Adam, really, there’s nothing you need to take care of.” She did her best to assure him but she could tell he didn’t believe her. 

Adam rested his forehead against Buck’s, keeping her close, “God, I just want to wrap you up in bubble wrap and keep you here, where I can make sure you’re safe and cared for.” He brought his hands down to her hips, forehead still resting against hers, as his large hands made themselves at home on her bony hips, managing to cover a good portion of her pelvis. Much like in the car his grip was just a little bit too tight; possessive and uncomfortable, and the size of her compared to the size of him meant his large hands were able to grip onto a lot of her. 

In all honesty she’d forgotten how skinny she used to be before she’d started powerlifting, all hips and tits with a tiny waist, the perfect hour glass figure, so no wonder he was able to have such a dominating hold on her. 

Growing up she’d always struggled with her body, she’d been a tall, gangly thing thanks to the Buckley’s denying her food at least once a week, and what she did have were usually tiny portions, so there hadn’t really been much on her and she’d hated it. She felt like everybody could see the abuse, and granted that coupled with years of suspicious injuries and flighty behaviour was what had eventually led to the school calling CPS, but some kids were just skinny like that, so that on its own didn’t raise suspicions. But that also meant that when she started eating properly, especially when Bobby and Athena took her in, she gained weight, not much but enough that she actually had meat on her bones. But in her head it just skewed her perception of her body and sent her spiralling (body dysmorphia her therapist had called it). 

It’d been Athena who discovered the bulimia when she was 17. Buck hadn’t locked the bathroom door as she thought she was home alone, only for Athena to come back early to the sound of vomiting in the bathroom. The only person it could’ve been was Buck so she’d walked straight in to make sure her daughter was okay, only to find her hunched over the toilet bowl with her fingers down her throat. And although Buck had settled into life as a Grant-Nash over the four years she’d been with them, her hind brain still kicked in and convinced her she was going to be punished. But of course that didn’t happen, this was Athena, Athena who was safe, who never raised her voice, who was always gentle and kind and loving, Athena who was her Mom, so of course she approached it with love and kindness, her and Bobby supporting Buck through it. 

Of course it hadn’t stopped her from feeling shit about her body but it had been a step in the right direction. 

But it wasn’t until her late twenties that she began to get comfortable in her skin, and it wasn’t until she took up power lifting that she really began to love it, falling in love with the muscles and strength it gave her, loving how it made her bigger and stronger than the boys at the station. 

But now she was in a world where she’d been denied food and had her diet restricted, portions controlled in extreme quantities, until a much later age, so of course she’d still be a skinny little thing. She hadn’t seen herself in the mirror yet, but she knew exactly what she’d see; a tall body without much muscle or fat on it. 

Buck was pulled out of her head when Adam lent in for another kiss, this time an exploratory tongue prodding her lips until she parted them, letting him in. Adam wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her in so their bodies were flush, so Buck had to actively work to not tense up or flinch. 

She felt his hand trailing up her back and tangle in her hair at the base of her skull, cradling her head as he deepened the kiss, in all honesty she hadn’t expected him to still be this feisty at 46, but she felt like she had to match his energy otherwise he’d think something was up again and they’d just get into another fight. 

And then his hand left her hair and he began to undo the buttons on her shirt, and that was a step too far for her. Sure, he’d been a good fuck when they were together but she was engaged to the love of her life, there was no world in which she wanted to have sex with him again, so she said fuck it to the consequences and spoke up. 

“Adam, Adam, not now.” She said, his lips still on hers so the words came out slightly muffled. 

He immediately stopped, he’d always been respectful like that, she was glad that was the same in this universe, even if he did look confused and a little upset, “Wha-why?” 

“I’m just not in the mood, I’m sorry.” She did her best to sound sincere even though she wasn’t sorry at all. 

The confusion on his face only grew and he let out an uncertain chuckle, “What? You’re always in the mood.” 

Welp, good to know her libiedo was just as high in this world as her own, “I know, but I’m tired, I’m feeling drained from the hospital.” 

“Ah, right, of course.” He nodded in understanding, “Come on, let's get you in bed then so you can rest.” He put a gentle hand on her lower back and guided her to their room. 

The room was bland, but it didn’t surprise her, it looked like an Ikea showroom, the only bit of personality being the photos of them and people she didn’t recognise dotted around the place.

Adam stopped in the middle of the room, at the end of the bed, “Stay here.” He told her, voice soft. He moved around the room grabbing some clothes out of a drawer and then returned to Buck, placing the clothes on the bed. 

He stepped in front of her and reached out, beginning to undo her buttons again, “Adam, please.” She stepped back to get away from him but the back of her knees just knocked against the bed. 

“Woah, hey, hey, it’s fine, I’m just getting you undressed so I can get you into something more comfortable to nap in.” He explained, gripping her biceps tightly and pulling her back towards him. 

She huffed out a breath, “I can dress myself.” 

He gave her a sad smile, talking slowly and clearly, “I know you can, but you seem to be forgetting that it’s March.” The fuck was that supposed to mean? “And I always take extra good care of you this month, and this way I can check you over so I know you haven’t relapsed.” Buck had no idea what he was going on about but let him do it anyway, the sooner he did it the sooner it was over.

“Right, of course, sorry, I’m just a bit all over the place today.” She offered him a shaky smile and hoped he’d buy the excuse, she was historically a shit liar after all. 

Thankfully he seemed appeased so he reached out and went back to unbuttoning her shirt, he untucked it from her pants and then slipped it off of her. Next he unhooked her bra, and then slipped her pants off of her. Socks and then underwear the last to go, until she was stood in front of him, naked. 

Adam slowly began inspecting every inch of her skin, taking his time as he took her in, clearly looking for something. She cottoned on pretty quickly though when she saw him run his thumb along a thin, white scar on her forearm, a sad look on his face. Oh, oh, he was checking to make sure she wasn’t cutting herself. But why was this only a March thing? 

She’d self harmed as a teenager, but that was mainly in the early days with Bobby and Athena, because if they weren’t going to punish her then she’d do it herself. But she tried to hide it so did it on her thighs, that didn’t stop Bobby from catching her though, this time because blood had leaked through her white jeans after she’d accidentally aggravated a fresh cut. But she would do that any time of day, any day of the week, any month of the year, it was never March specific. So why did this version of herself only do it during one month? Or at least got worse in March. 

Adam placed a gentle kiss on her wrist, over a collection of old scars that sat particularly close to each other. 

Once he’d finished with her arms, taking it slowly, as if he enjoyed getting to do this, he moved onto her body, running his hands over the skin as he looked. She knew he wasn’t trying to find anything based on touch, so she was certain the touches and caresses were more for them to enjoy, but right now the only one enjoying it was him. 

He spent a bit of extra time on her stomach, he knelt down on the floor as he inspected the skin before wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against her abdomen. To give herself something to do and to make it seem like she was enjoying this too she slowly scratched his scalp, coaxing a happy little hum out of him. Adam turned his face and pressed a kiss just above her belly button before checking her thighs. 

He ran a hand up her inner thigh, far too close to her pussy for her liking. He then gently took a handful of what flesh she actually had down there and moved it so he could get a better look at the skin. Buck looked down to find more silvery scars, and a few that looked fresher, probably about six months old if she had to guess. Adam didn’t look surprised by them though so he must’ve seen them before. 

Buck had to stop herself from taking a sharp inhale as he leant in and placed a kiss on them, his lips on the sensitive skin sending an unwanted jolt of arousal up her spine. A second jolt went up her spine as he moved over to the other leg, nipping at the fatty tissue, but this time she couldn’t stop the gasp that came out of her. She’d always had sensitive inner thighs, Eddie loved it, he was a real tease in bed so he’d often do like Adam was doing now, nipping and kissing before working his way slowly up to her cunt, nuzzling into her coarse pubic hair before finally eating her out. And she knew that Adam did a similar routine, especially now that he was sucking a hickey there. 

“Adam, Adam, please, leave it.” She panted, tapping the top of his head. He looked up at her with big, sad eyes which was a look she’d never seen on his face before, so to run damage control she said “Maybe later, once I’ve rested.” Hopefully before ‘later’ came she’d be able to make a break for it or get back to her own world. 

Adam stayed on his knees but brought his hands up so he was gripping onto her hips, thumb gently tracing the edges of the bone that stuck out against pale skin, “What’s up?” He asked with genuine sincerity. 

“I said I didn’t want sex and now you’re sucking hickeys inches away from my cunt.” She did her best to keep her voice calm, getting angry would only make this worse. 

Suddenly Adam was hooking his fingers behind her knees and pushing them out from under her, gently encouraging her down to the floor so she was also kneeling. He then wrapped his arms around her, one hand on her naked back, the other cupping the back of her neck, as if he might try and scruff her like a cat, holding her close so her face was in his neck. 

“I don’t want to fight but you’re really not well if you don’t remember what that means. But if you don’t want that today, I won’t do it. But I really want to get your head checked again. Please.” 

“Okay.” She agreed, she’d just have to make a break for it before the appointment, but she could do that easy peasy. 

Adam pulled back and cupped her face in his hands, “Thank you sweetheart.” He then leant in and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Okay, up you get so I can finish.” He said once he was done kissing her. 

She followed his instructions and went back to watching him as he inspected the rest of her body. 

Once he was done he stood, gripping Buck’s hips to help himself up. He then guided her over to the full body mirror and Buck was finally able to get a good look, “I wish you could see what I see.” He mumbled, pressing kisses into her neck. 

Buck examined her body, she was just as skinny as she thought she’d be, if she had to guess she’d assume she still only ate small portions. When she’d first moved in with Bobby and Athena it’d taken a while for her to actually be able to eat larger portions. It was a combination of physical and psychological reasons; physically her body wasn’t used to larger portions so she had to gently increase the amount she was eating so as not to shock her body by overwhelming it as that would lead to her throwing it all up (not that she wouldn’t have minded it at that time). And then psychologically it’d taken her a long time to accept the fact that she actually deserved food, that she deserved to eat more than the bare minimum. But she wouldn’t have had that support so of course she was still skin and bone at 31 in this version of her life. 

Adam ran his hands down her sides, tracing her hour glass figure, he then began mapping out the scars on her body with gentle fingers. Many of them were familiar to her as she also had them, but there were some extras, no doubt from the additional years she ended up staying with the Buckley’s in this life. 

She found the lack of tattoos and piercings disconcerting, she was so used to seeing them that she usually didn’t notice them but now that they were gone she felt bare and she hated it. 

Adam tutted before letting out a sad sigh, his finger finding the scar on her chest, “I hate that you did this to yourself.” 

Buck’s eyes snapped up, she hadn’t done that, Phillip had. But then she remembered how ashamed she’d been as a child and how she hated talking about it as an adult, so of course she’d lie about it, what confused her was the fact that she’d said she did it. 

She didn’t really know what she was supposed to say in response to that, so all she managed to stutter out was a “S-sorry.” 

“Let’s get you dressed, hm?” Was all she got in response before he stepped away to pick up the clothes he’d left on the bed. He helped her dress slowly before encouraging her into bed. He then shut the curtains as it was still light outside before leaving. 

Buck wasn’t actually tired so she lay awake in bed, listening to Adam as he moved around the house, waiting to find the perfect time to sneak out. 

Buck knew she wasn’t actually a hostage, but she also knew she couldn’t just run because she didn’t know where to go or what to do, and if she was fleeing with Adam running after her she wouldn’t have time to think. 

It must’ve been about half an hour when she heard Adam’s voice, and it immediately filled her with dread.

“Hey Doug… yeah, look, she’s worse than normal this year, I know it’s not your area but do you have any friends I could talk to?... I, uh, I think it could be psychosis, I can’t think of any other explanation… I mean, I didn’t want to say it but, yeah, I think sectioning her might be the best thing… It wouldn’t be my first choice but her meds aren’t stopping it and if it is psychosis-… yeah, yeah, I’m worried about her safety, even more than normal… I checked her earlier but she’s not done anything to visibly harm herself yet… exactly, she’s high risk… okay, I’ll keep an eye on her, I’ll see you soon.” 

Shit, Doug was coming and sectioning was on the table, so now she really needed to get out. 

Buck got up and quickly got dressed, chucking on some jeans and a sweater, slipping into a pair of sneakers. 

As soon as it sounded like Adam had moved to the other side of the house she slipped out of the room. She grabbed the car keys and snuck out the door. 

At first she wasn’t sure where she was going to go, and then the obvious answer hit her; she needed Chimney.

If anybody could figure out what was happening and how to fix it it’d be him, she was sure he would’ve seen at least one movie with a plot like this. So that’s where she went.

She felt all of the tension leave her as she stood in the apparatus bay, surrounded by the familiar sounds of a working station. 

But she was suddenly broken out of her thoughts by a familiar voice, “Mrs Clark, hey.” It took her a second to realise Chimney meant her, “You just enjoy the trip so much you had to come by on your own?” He teased. 

She immediately pulled Chimney into a hug, over the moon to finally see a face she recognised and actually wanted to be around, “Jesus Chim, you don’t know how happy I am to see you! I feel like I’m losing my mind over here.” 

She felt Chimney stiffen in her grip, “Uh, Mrs Clark, I’m not sure this is appropriate.” 

And then it hit her, he didn’t know who she was so of course it would be weird that she was hugging him. “Sorry, sorry.” She pulled back, “Look, this is going to sound crazy so I need you to hear me out, but in another life you’re practically my uncle, I’ve known you since I was 14 when you became a firefighter.” 

“Did Hen put you up to this?” He asked, looking sceptical, “Or was it Amy?” 

“Am- what? No, no one put me up to this, I swear I’m telling the truth. My name is Evelyn Grant-Nash, I’m a firefighter with the 118.” 

“Mrs Clark-“ 

“I know why they call you Chimney.” That made him pause, “Please, I just need you to hear me out, you’re the one person I can think of who’d actually be able to make sense of all this. I don’t know what else to do.” 

Chim nodded, “Yeah, okay, come on up.” He led her up to the loft where Hen and Bobby were sitting on the couches, “Uh, guys, you remember Mrs Clark? From the St. Ann’s field trip last week.” 

Bobby stood and came over to shake Buck’s hand, “Of course, pleasure to see you again, Mrs Clark.” 

Buck wasn’t the best at controlling her face on a good day, and this definitely wasn’t a good day, so she couldn’t stop the look of heartbreak that came over her, “Y-yeah, uh, likewise, but, uh, please, call me Evie.” It felt wrong using ‘Buck’ with these alternate versions of her family, giving that name to these ‘others’ felt like she was betraying her real family.  

“Alright, well Evie, to what do we owe the please?” Bobby asked. Buck hated that he was being so professional with her, it felt all wrong, even at work he wasn’t like this. 

“Well, I, uh-“ She turned to Chim, “I thought it would just be the two of us.” 

“If what you’re saying is true then I think it’s best that Cap is here.” 

Buck’s eyes flicked between Bobby, Hen and Chimney, he had a point but it felt exposing enough telling this to one person but telling multiple people that didn’t remember her felt like a whole other level of hell, but she had to be brave so went with it, “In that case, is Eddie here?” She asked as she took a seat on the couch. 

The other three all looked at each other before Hen spoke, “Eddie?” 

“Diaz? Edmundo Diaz.” She clarified. 

“Oh, the angry guy.” Chim said. 

“You’d be angry too if your parents took your kid.” Hen jabbed. 

Buck’s face dropped, “W-what? They took Chris?” 

“He was having a hard time juggling being a single father and a firefighter.” Bobby told her, “We tried to help but in the end his parents won.” 

“It was a really nasty custody battle, they were brutal.” Hen cringed.

Buck felt absolutely crushed by that, “Is he not a firefighter anymore?” She asked. 

The three of them yet again shared a look, “No, Mrs Cl- sorry, Evie, he went back to the army.” Chim told her. 

Before she could ask any follow ups Bobby broke the worst news possible, “He was killed in action three years ago.” 

All of a sudden Buck’s chest tightened and she couldn’t breathe anymore. She brought her hand to her chest, attempting to take in gasps of air but her lungs wouldn’t cooperate. In her panic she ended up hunched over on the floor, Bobby was crouched in front of her throwing out orders and someone’s hand was guiding her onto her back. 

At some point an oxygen mask was put over her face and someone was taking her vitals. 

And then, as if nothing had happened, she managed to take a full breath in and felt fine. She sat up and pulled the mask off, “What the fuck?” She muttered to herself before looking at the others, “What the fuck just happened?” 

“You had a panic attack.” Hen explained, “I think it was about Eddie, was he a good friend of yours?” 

Buck’s mouth flapped open and closed a few times before she realised she should start from the beginning, “Uh, well, he’s, uh, he’s- fuck. It’s hard to say when you don’t know the full story. Look, I know what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy but I need you to bear with me, okay? Because it’s really important that I figure out what the fuck is going on and how to fix it.” Everyone nodded and gave her the go ahead to continue, so she sat back down on the couch before she started telling them everything. 

“So earlier today I woke up in hospital, only the man at my bedside was my ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen in 5 years and my sister I haven’t seen in 20 years was there. I woke up and everything is different, it’s wrong, like I’ve woken up in some parallel universe. 

“Where I’m from my name is Evelyn Grant-Nash, I am a firefighter at the 118 and was adopted by Bobby and Athena in 2004 after CPS removed me from my childhood home. Only I find out that here my name is Evelyn Clark, I’m a teacher and was raised by my biological parents. 

“Look, I know, I know I sound mad, you know, if I were you I wouldn’t believe me either, but I- I just need to find out what’s going on and how to get home, because this isn’t a good world for me. I- I mean I spent my whole childhood with my abusive parents and I’m married to a man that you convinced me to break up with because he was grooming me.” She tried to blink back tears, “Fuck, you might actually know him, he’s, uh, he’s Adam Clark, he’s a dispatcher.” 

“Yeah, we know Adam.” Hen said, looking confused. 

“In my real life I dated him for a few months, but I broke up with him when I pretty much moved into his apartment to care for his dying Mom. But I only did that because you and Mom- sorry, you and Athena,” She said, directing it at Bobby, “Convinced me to break up with him. In this life I never had parents who cared enough to notice how fucked up it was.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “Sorry, sorry, I, I- fuck.” She buried her head in her hands and began to cry, “And to make it all worse I found out my fiancé is dead and our son was taken by his shit-head grandparents. Fuck, fuck, he’s my fiancé now and I’m stuck here in a world where he's dead.” She suddenly looked up at the group again, all of whom looked perplexed, shocked and sceptical, “I swear I’m not having a psychotic break or anything. I can prove I know you all, I swear I can.” She finally stopped talking, looking at everyone.  

“I’m sorry Evie but it does all sound rather fantastical-” Bobby began to say.

“I know, I promise you I know, but it’s true. I mean, how else would I know that when you were a kid you used to hide pear drops under your bed so your brother couldn’t get them? And the first date you took Athena on was to a church after a bad call even though the both of you tell everyone it was dinner at a nice restaurant.” She then turned to Chimney, “Chim, I was with you when you woke up from your coma after the rebar accident, and the first thing you did was ask for a peanut butter cookie.”

Chim paled at that, “How the fuck do you know that?” He then turned to Bobby, “Only Amy was there for that, it’s just her and you guys that know about that.” 

There was that name again, Amy, “I know because I was there; I was at your bedside, you woke up, saw me, asked for a peanut butter cookie, squeezed my hand and then passed out again.”

“No, no way, that was Amy.” 

“I don’t know who Amy is.” Buck said, shaking her head. 

“Did I hear my name?” A female voice called out, all heads turning to look at her. 

Standing at the top of the stairs was a young woman, probably a similar age to Buck, with straight, brown hair pulled back into a neat bun, dressed in a police sergeant's uniform. 

She walked over to the group and placed a kiss on Bobby’s head, “Hey Pops.” 

“Hey Amy.” Oh, so Amy was the kid they’d adopted instead of her. 

“Hen, Mom sent me over, said to let you know that everything checks out.”

“You had Thena do a background check on me, didn’t you?” Buck asked, a small smile on her face, unsurprised by the fact that Hen would check, and it was a good distraction from the whole ‘Amy’ problem. 

Hen just shrugged, “Can you blame me?” 

“Please Hen, I fully expected you to do that, besides I would’ve done the same thing.” 

Hen gave her a small smile and then turned to Amy, “Your Mom send you the full report?” 

“Yep.” Amy pulled her phone out and handed it over to Hen. 

“You can read it out loud.” Buck said, knowing what Hen was looking at. 

“Evelyn Sophia Clark nee. Buckley.” Hen read before her eyes skimmed across the screen, “Born Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 1991 to Margaret and Phillip Buckley, moved to Hershey in 1993 and then LA in 1998. Taken by CPS in 2003 but returned home a few months later-”

“That’s where it changes.” Buck butt in, “I never went back to them, instead I spent a year bouncing between group homes until Bobby and Athena fostered me and then adopted me a year later.” 

“Woah, I’m sorry, what the fuck is going on?” Amy asked, looking around the group then focused in on Buck, “Who the fuck are you?” 

“Amy, just keep calm, okay? None of us know what’s going on, not even Evie.” Bobby tried to sooth. 

“No, I think I’m starting to get it.” Chim said, then turned to Buck, “So, what you’re saying is that there’s a key moment of divergence between your two lives, and that divergence has completely altered the whole course of your life.” 

“Exactly!” Buck knew going to see Chim was the right choice. 

“What was the last thing you remember before waking up in hospital?” He asked. 

“I-” Shit, Buck didn’t know, she had to think, “I-uh, I was, I was working, we’d been called to a scene-” She was trying so hard to remember. It was coming to her in dribs and drabs but she didn’t have the full picture. But the harder she thought the more imagery came to her; the feeling of a roaring fire warming her face, “I- I think there was a structure fire?” The smell of rain against asphalt and the rumble of thunder overhead, “And it was storming.” She ran her hands down her face, “I think I was up the aerial and then-” 

“And then you wake up in an alternate reality.” Hen finished for her.

“And you don’t remember anything from this life? No memories that could be from here?” Bobby asked.

Buck shook her head, “No, nothing. Fuck, I just want to go home, I don’t want this stupid, fucking life. And it’s not like I can just pack my bags and run away, because the things that I want to get back to are here but can’t be mine, or they’re dead.” 

“Seriously, what the hell is going on?” Amy asked again, beginning to sound impatient, “Is this some kind of prank?” 

“Amy, we’re dealing with something, please just wait a second.” Bobby scolded. 

“I think the best course of action is to go to the hospital.” Chim suggested, “I mean, that’s where you woke up, logically if you had an accident at work in your real life then you’d end up there too.” 

Bobby nodded, “Agreed. Our shift ends in thirty minutes, we’ll head over once we’re done.” 

“Thank you so much, really, I- I don’t know what I’d do without you all.” Suddenly her phone rang so she pulled it out of her pocket. Adam’s name and contact photo filled the screen so Buck just ignored it, hitting the decline button. When she noticed the questioning looks from everyone she simply said, “Adam.” Which got a ripple of understanding from everyone but Amy. 

“How about a cup of coffee?” Bobby asked, standing. 

Buck’s phone rang again, yet again Adam trying to get ahold of her, so she declined the call.

“Please.” Buck replied as she put her phone away. Bobby gave her a kind smile in return and headed off to the kitchen. 

Her phone rang for a third time so this time she powered it down, not wanting to talk to her ‘husband’. 

“Sooo…” Chim came and sat down next to Buck, “I wanna know all about alternate universe me, what’s he like?” 

Buck chuckled loudly, “Well, from what I can tell he’s pretty much just like you, I’ll be honest you all seem pretty much the same.” She then turned to Amy, “I’ve never met you in my real life unfortunately so not sure how similar you are.” 

“Go figure.” She scoffed. 

“I’m more curious about what Eddie’s like.” Hen added, “I mean, we only knew him for nine months, and he was pretty angry during most of that time because of his son, what’s he like when he’s had a better life?” 

“He’s…” Buck couldn’t stop herself from smiling, “He’s amazing.” She began to fiddle with her fingers, removing her wedding ring and turning it around and around in her fingers, “Being without him is like I’m missing a limb. You know, he was the first firefighter who was shot during the sniper epidemic a few years back, and being without him, whilst he was in a coma, was- the only reason I kept functioning was because I was caring for Chris. But, fuck, he’s such a good Dad, in- in our life I introduced him to a heath aid called Carla, I met her through Adam, and she helped Eddie get Chris the support he needed, hence why Chris never went back to Texas.” She chuckled to herself, “You know, he’s way sillier than everyone expects, especially with Chris. And he can be a real bitch, it’s fantastic. He’s brave and kind and gentle, and sure he did have an illegal boxing phase but that’s not a problem anymore.” She waved that off as if it was no big deal, like he hadn’t almost killed a guy. 

“I’m sorry, he what?” Hen couldn’t help but let out a shocked chuckle. 

“I mean, his wife had just died after asking for a divorce after telling him she was pregnant and then not pregnant, but she’d also been absent from his and Chris’ life for a good few years and just came back only to die, it was, like, a whole thing. Oh, and not long after that me and Chris got caught in the Santa Monica pier tsunami, which was obviously terrifying. But we’d gone because Eddie had told me to leave the house because I’d been struggling with the fact I might never be a firefighter again because I was on blood thinners after having a pulmonary embolism because of the metal in my leg from where the doctors had to save it because a ladder truck crushed it, which also almost ended my career. And I know Eddie was carrying some of the blame for the tsunami at the time, even though it had nothing to do with him, I mean, I’m the one who took Chris there, not him, but the man is just a well of Catholic guilt. So he was just going through a lot, you know, and he wasn’t exactly able to process all those feelings very well back then. But Pops- sorry Bobby, got him into therapy and he’s fine now, hasn’t punched anyone in years.” Buck hardly took a breath as she rambled away, her ADHD in full force. 

Everyone was a bit baffled by the sudden onslaught of information. But eventually Chimney got them back on track, asking a follow up question from one of the few bits he could actually remember, “When did a ladder truck crush you?” 

“Did you also have it where a kid kept sending bombs to people involved in that arson case where his Dad set his own restaurant on fire?” Everyone nodded, “Well, when it happened to us the kid planted a bomb under the ladder truck, it went off whilst we were heading to a scene and I was thrown from the truck, only to get my leg trapped under it. Crushed.” She explained. 

“Just your leg?” Chim clarified, Buck nodded, which got sad looks from the others around her, “That explosion killed our firefighter, guy named Hughes, the bomb went off whilst the truck was in the station, he was under it doing maintenance at the time.” 

Bobby came over and handed Buck a mug of coffee, “Thanks.” She said, cradling it in her hands before putting her attention back on Chim, “I’m sorry you lost him.” 

Chim gave her an appreciative nod, “I’m glad you survived it.” 

Suddenly a voice rang out through the station, “Evelyn!” 

Buck’s head whipped around, “Fuck, it’s Adam.” 

“Hey! Come back here man.” Another voice called out as loud footsteps came up the stairs. 

Buck put her mug on the table and stood only for her body to freeze as Adam entered the loft, “What the fuck Evelyn? I step out back for five fucking minutes only to find you gone with no explanation and you won’t answer your fucking phone.” 

Buck shrunk in on herself, “I-I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know you are.” There was a slight sarcastic bite to the comment, like she must’ve run before, “Fuck, Evie, I didn’t know if you were alright or not, I was scared.” 

“But I am fine, I’m an adult, I can look after myself.” She protested even though her voice was still meek. 

“How was I supposed to know that?” He ran his hands down his face again, “Shit Evie, I was scared you’d run away again, o-or that you were going to try and kill yourself again.” Yep, definitely done this before then. 

“But I wasn’t!” 

Adam walked towards Buck which made her flinch back as he took her biceps in his hands, squeezing far too hard, “But I didn’t know that.” He reminded her, his voice softening but his grip remaining just as firm, “It’s that time of year baby, the time when you always do something stupid like that.” 

“Uh, Mr Clark,” Bobby stepped in, making a split second decision, “Can we talk in my office? I just wanted to have a word about Evelyn’s behaviour,” He began to guide Adam downstairs with a firm hand between the shoulder blades. Adam seemed reluctant to go, not wanting to be separated from Buck, but Bobby wasn’t giving him a choice, “I’m just concerned as you’re saying she has a history, I just wanted to see if there’s anything we can do to support her-” His voice trailed off as he and Adam disappeared. 

A minute later Chim’s phone buzzed, “That’s our cue.” He said, as soon as he’d read the message, “Let’s get out of here.” 

“Pretty sure she should wait here until Pops is done.” Amy told them, crossing her arms. In all honesty Buck had forgotten she was there, “So she can either be sectioned or sent home with her husband.” 

Buck’s eyes suddenly widened in panic, worried that Amy was right, “Nope, word from your Pops is to get Buck to the hospital so we can search for answers.” Chim replied, “I don’t know how long this diversion will last though so we should get going now.” 

“So, which hospital then?” Hen asked as they left the loft. 

“I, uh, I don’t remember, but I feel like Prespytarian is the one we need to go to.” 

“Alright, hop on in then.” Hen said, unlocking her car, all three of them climbing in, Buck taking the passenger seat, Chimney relegated to the back. 

They drove in silence for a minute before Buck finally asked a question that had been gnawing at her, “So, Amy, uh, w-what’s she like?” 

Hen glanced up at Chim through the rearview mirror, “She’s uh-” 

“An ass.” Chimney grumbled. 

Hen let out a small chuckle, “I would’ve phrased it more politely but yeah, pretty much.” 

“So is she always like that then? Snappy and a bit bitchy?” 

“Not always, but it’s her response to most things.” Hen explained.

“Ah,” Buck chuckled a little, “I could be like that sometimes. Usually if I felt like I needed to protect my turf.” 

“Amy’s like that regardless of turf.” Chim sighed.

“You should meet her fiancé, let’s just say they’re a little too perfect for each other.” 

“He’s also a cop and the two of them are constantly making jabs at others and just being all round assholes.” 

It didn’t take much longer for them to get to the hospital, the drive filled with chatter, mainly about Amy and her fiancé, Declan. But soon enough they were pulling up and parking. 

When they entered Buck looked around the waiting room, taking everything around her in. There was a weird energy in the hospital, it felt like a liminal space, like an empty hospital at night even though it was bright outside. Over to one side there was a large group of heavily pregnant women, on a bed was a soaking wet child, and on another was a man who looked like something had tried to bite his arm off. 

“So what are we looking for?” Chimney asked. 

“I don’t know, but I think once I see it I will.” Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure dart down a corridor, “I think I just found it.” She muttered before taking off after the mystery person. She followed the faint pounding of footsteps until she saw a door at the end of a corridor slip shut. 

She jogged up to it to find it secured with a lock requiring an ID badge to gain access. But the light on the access pad was green meaning it was unlocked so she pushed the door open. She stepped in to find the room full of all kinds of drugs and medications. But what really caught her attention was the soldier standing at the back of the room, a bullet hole in the centre of his forehead with dried blood running from it and down his face. But this wasn’t just any soldier, no, it was- “Eddie?” 

“Hey Buck.” He greeted.

“But, you’re supposed to be dead.” 

He simply shrugged, “So are you, and yet here we are.” 

“Does that mean this is purgatory?” She asked. 

“Yes and no. Sure, you’re in limbo, but you’re not waiting to find out if you’re going to heaven or hell, you’re waiting to see if you live.” 

“Well, I want to live, so how do I get out of here?” 

“I don’t know.” Eddie brushed her off, “I died, didn’t I.” 

“Wait, hold on, if I’m on the brink of death, what’s happening with my real body?” 

“This is your real body.” Eddie told her, “Or it could be, should you end up staying here.” 

“Staying? I thought this would be temporary, if I’m in limbo this has to be temporary, right?” 

Eddie cocked his head, chuckling, “Observant as ever. You’re here experimentally, if you die in your first life you stay here, if you don’t then you wake up back there.” He threw his thumb over his shoulder where Buck could now see a window looking into a hospital room, her hospital room.

Buck walked over to it, it felt like she was floating as she slipped into autopilot, her feet carrying her there, “What happened to me?” 

“Don’t you remember?” There was a mocking undertone to his words, this version of Eddie, this bitter, dead version, was a dick. But she supposed it was justified considering Chris had been taken from him by his parents and he went back to the army only to be killed. 

“I-” She tried to think back, hoping to conjure the images again like she had back at the station. But this time, instead of getting snippets of different senses she was hit by an onslaught of information causing her to crumple to the floor and begin seizing. 

Eddie merely stood above her and watched with a sarcastic frown on his face. After around three minutes she was done, lying there on the floor sweaty and panting, “Do you remember now?” He asked, voice mocking. 

“Lightning.” She muttered, pulling herself up into a sitting position, “There was lightning.” 

Eddie gave her a slow, sarcastic round of applause, “Well done, A+ for the dying woman.” 

“Jesus Christ, you’re a cunt in this life, did you know that?” She hissed. 

“Yeah and who’s fault is that?” He snapped. 

“I’m sorry, are you saying it’s my fault? How is it my fault?” She managed to stand on shaky legs.

“You weren’t there when I needed you, when Chris needed you. And then you walked into my life when I was at my lowest and I instantly fell in love with you, but I couldn’t do anything about it.” 

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” 

“You were Chris’ teacher, you were his favourite.” Her face fell at that news, “When the custody battle began it was you Chris would go to for support. He was scared and sad and angry and it was you who supported him through it at school. You’d let him stay late after school if I was in court, showing him all sorts of cool science experiments and taking his mind off of everything that was happening at home. It was you who kept him afloat and I couldn’t help but fall in love with you, but you had a boyfriend and it felt like I was alone. But fuck you for never giving me a reason to hate you, becasue that would’ve made my life a hell of a lot easier.” 

“I’m sorry Eddie, I’m so sorry. I wish things had been different in this life, because I also hate what this world is. If I could go back and change it all, I would, I promise you I would.” 

“Yeah, well, it’s too late for that, I’m already dead and you’re married.” Suddenly he softened, “But your version of me doesn’t deserve to feel like this too, you’ve got to wake up for him.”

“How do I do that?” She asked, a tear dribbling down her cheek. 

Eddie placed a gentle hand on her face and wiped the tear away with his thumb, “I don’t know Buck, only you can figure that out.” 

“Please Eddie, I need you to help me.” 

“No you don’t.” He gave her a sad smile as he shook his head, “You’re smart Buck, if anyone can figure this out it’s you and that beautiful brain of yours. Now, off you go, you don’t want to keep them waiting.” He looked out of the window at Eddie, Bobby and Athena who were sitting around her bed. 

Buck grabbed his face in both her hands and pulled him in for a kiss, “I won’t, I promise.” 

He stole another quick kiss from her, “Good girl.” 

Buck headed back to the waiting room only to freeze when she saw who was waiting. 

Adam was there with Amy and a doctor she didn’t recognise. 

Adam stepped forward and held a hand out to her, “Evie, I need you to come with me.” He said, voice soft, but Buck just stepped back, shaking her head furiously, “Please baby, this is for your own good.” 

“No, I’m fine, please, I’m fine.” She begged, knowing this wasn’t going to end well. 

Adam looked devastated, “I’m sorry sweetheart but you’re a risk to yourself.” 

“But I haven’t done anything!” She protested. 

“You ran away whilst you appeared to be going through a psychotic break. And the last time you ran off you tried to jump off of a bridge. The time before that it was pills, and before that you slit your wrists in the bath. We can’t take any more risks, I’m sorry.” 

“But I’m not going to do that this time. Please, I need to get home. I want to go home.” All of the feelings began to overwhelm her, tears running down her face, “I need to see Eddie.” 

“We don’t know any Eddie’s, sweetheart. Let’s just go with the nice doctors and they can help.” 

“No, no, I don’t want to.”

“This isn’t a question of whether or not you want to, you’re going no matter what, it’s just whether you go willingly.” Amy said, voice neutral. 

“Fuck off Amy.” She snapped, “I’m not a threat to you, I’m not trying to steal your life.” 

Amy’s expression never faltered, her professional neutrality staying firmly in place, “I never said you were.” 

“But you were thinking it.” 

“Evie, please.” Adam began trying to reason with her again, “This is for your own good. Doctor Rogers here is going to take really good care of you and make sure you get better.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” She sobbed, “I just want to go home.” 

“You’re going to be under a 72 hour psychiatric hold, and if you’re better then you can go home with Adam.” The doctor explained. 

Buck shook her head furiously, “No, no, home isn’t with him.” She pointed an aggressive finger at Adam, “Home is with Eddie and Chris. Please, I need Eddie and Chris.” 

She felt a sudden sharp prick and then in a matter of seconds she was out cold.

“Now Evie, Adam says that you were acting out of character after the hospital, can you tell me what he meant by that? Do you know what you were doing that was out of character?” 

Buck was sat cross legged on the bed, dressed in nothing but a flimsy hospital gown, picking at her nail extensions in the hopes of prying them off, they were too long and she didn’t like it. 

She shook her head and mumbled a “No.” 

“No you don’t know, or no you won’t tell me?” Doctor Rogers was being far too delicate with her, acting like she’d fall apart any second and she hated it. She was fine, she didn’t need some psychiatrist treating her like a kid. 

“Both.” She shrugged. 

“Sergent Nash told us that you believe you’re from an alternate reality, one where you were raised by her parents instead of your own. Is that true?” 

Buck drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly, not saying a word. 

Doctor Rogers sighed, “Evelyn, I need you to work with me, okay? I just want to help you.” 

“I’m not crazy.” She said instead.

“I never said you were.” Doctor Rogers spoke even slower, even clearer as she tried to get through to Buck, “I just want to understand what’s going on in your head. So I can help.” She then began to flick through Buck’s notes, “This is the fourth time you’ve been admitted in as many years, can you tell me about that? About why you keep ending up here?” Buck shook her head, “Please, I’m just trying to help. Your husband is worried about you.” 

“If I tell you you’ll lock me away forever or pump me so full of drugs I won’t know which way is up.” She finally snapped.

“That’s not our intention, our intention is to get you better so you can go home. And if the medication does cause that kind of reaction then it’s not the right one so we’ll try something else. I want you to have the best quality of life possible, and spending every March in a psych ward after trying to kill yourself isn’t what I would call living life to its fullest.” 

“March? Why is it every March?” Buck’s voice was tiny as she asked the question she so desperately wanted the answer too. 

Doctor Rogers looked shocked at that, “You don’t know?” Buck shook her head which made the Doctor sigh, “I think it might be best if your husband explained it to you.” 

Without waiting for an answer she stepped out, Adam replacing her seconds later. 

“Hey.” He greeted, going to sit down next to her on the bed, "Apparently I need to explain March to you.” 

Buck squeaked out a small “Please.” 

“Do you remember that we met in the April of 2018?” Buck nodded, “Started dating beginning of May?” Buck nodded again, the dates matched up with her real life, “Do you remember getting pregnant?” Buck blanched at that, shaking her head so he took her hands in his, “You miscarried at the beginning of March 2019 and it absolutely devastated you. Now every year, during March, you try to join our little boy.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

He gave her a sad smile, “I’m sorry too.” He placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles, “If I stay do you think you could talk to Doctor Rogers about everything? I promise you’re safe and no one will judge you, we just want you to get better.” 

Buck was stuck here, there was nowhere she could go, it seemed like her only option was to tell the truth and hope for a chance of escape. So she nodded, which had Adam standing and getting the Doctor. 

When Adam sat back down with her again Buck curled up into his arms, craving some sort of grounding presence. He gently rubbed her back and placed a kiss on top of her head before Doctor Rogers began again. 

“Can you tell me about this world you’re from?” She asked, her iPad in front of her, ready to take notes. 

So Buck explained everything in extreme detail, Doctor Rogers writing on the screen at high speed. 

Once Buck was done Doctor Rogers put her pen down, took a second to think and then looked up, “Evelyn, this is a psychotic episode, likely brought on by the stress of March and everything the month represents for you. So I’d like to keep you on the ward for now and see if we can get on top of this by trying out some new medications. Okay?” 

“But I’m not psychotic.” Buck argued, “It’s real, it’s really real.” 

“That’s the problem sweetie, it feels really real right now but that’s why it’s so dangerous.” Adam told her before placing a kiss on top of her head, “I’m so glad I caught this, who knows what would’ve happened otherwise.” 

“Evelyn’s lucky to have someone like you in her life.” Doctor Rogers praised, getting a please hum out of Adam. 

“I know.” He said, “God knows what would happen if she was just running around on her own.” He chuckled, squeezing her tightly. Buck just buried her face into his sternum, trying to hide from it all. 

“Well, I’ll give you two some space.” And with that Doctor Rogers left. 

“I told you you were sick, baby.” Adam cooed, “I’m always right, remember? You’re supposed to listen to me for a reason.” 

That didn’t sit right with Buck so she tried to pull away but Adam just held on tighter, “Shh, shh, shh, it’s okay, I’m here.” He soothed, rubbing slow circles on her back, “You don’t need to run or hide, because I’m here.” 

He then took one of her wrists and brought it up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to the scars that sat there. 

“What did the hickey represent?” Buck finally asked after a minute of Adam pressing kisses to the scars that littered her arms, “You said it wasn’t sexual, what was it then?” 

“I was covering them up.” He replied simply, “Covering them with my own mark.” His hand slid up her thigh, under her gown, so his thumb could gently stroke the scars, making her shiver.

She squeezed her eyes shut as her breath audibly stuttered. Adam let out a dark chuckle into her hair, he was getting the wrong idea, curse her sensitive inner thighs. 

“I don’t think sex in a hospital room is the best idea.” He joked. He then hooked a finger under her chin and guided her face up, “But this isn’t off the table.” He whispered, voice low in the intimacy of the room. He gave her a small, chaste kiss on the lips, “Let me remind you who you belong to.” He captured her lips in another kiss, this one deeper, more passionate. She wanted to fight back and pull away but she had nowhere to go so she gave in, “There is no Eddie.” He reminded her, “It’s just you and me, you’re mine , baby.” 

Adam deepened the kiss further, his tongue joining the mix. Buck’s breath began to get stuck in her throat as she felt someone else's grief begin to slowly encroach on her mind, triggering tears. It almost felt like Evie, the real Evie from this world, was trying to assert dominance in her mind. It felt like her throat had closed up, no oxygen able to get in or out. 

As soon as Adam noticed he pulled back, “Evie? Evie, what’s wrong?” 

Her chest spasmed for a moment until it finally relaxed and she took in a shaky breath, tears springing to her eyes, “We lost him, we lost Matthew.” As she spoke it didn’t feel like her voice, like someone else was speaking through her, the sob that followed wasn’t any different. 

“I know baby, and I know it’s been hard on you, but I’m going to be with you every step of the way whilst you finally get better.” 

She nodded, “Okay. I love you.” It still wasn’t her voice, she wanted to scream, to break free. Instead she craned her neck and kissed him. 

“I love you too baby. You’re going to stay here and get better and then when you come home you’ll stay there too, until I can trust you again, okay?” 

“Please.” As Evie kept control Buck couldn’t believe how submissive she was, clearly Adam was in control of her, dictating everything she did in her life and Evie treated it like gospel. Her Mom and Pops were right, he’d been grooming her and in this universe he’d succeeded and taken over her life, like he owned her. 

Evie pulled herself up so she was sat in Adam’s lap, tangling her fingers in his hair as she began to kiss him, her tongue exploring his mouth.

Suddenly Buck slammed back into her body and pulled away from him, falling out of his lap and onto the bed. 

“Evie?” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, looking at him with wide eyes, “Evie, are you okay?” 

But before she could reply she was saved by Doctor Rogers walking in. Unfortunately she had one of those small paper cups that held pills and a cup of water, "Alright Evelyn, I need you to take these for me.” Buck reluctantly took them and knocked them back feeling five pills in her mouth, without much choice she swallowed them with a mouthful of water, “Show me.” Doctor Rogers grabbed her jaw and squeezed until Back was forced to open her mouth, taking a look inside, even using her finger to lift Buck’s tongue. Buck had never seen sectioned before but she knew for a fact this wasn’t how the doctors did it, so why was Doctor Rogers acting like this? “Good girl.” She praised, patting Buck’s cheek, satisfied Buck hadn’t cheeked them or hidden them under her tongue, “Well done. Now those will make you feel a bit drowsy so you should probably lie down and get some sleep.” She then turned to Adam, “Mr Clark? Let’s discuss Evelyn’s treatment plan outside.” 

“Don’t I get a say?” Buck asked. 

“No sweetheart, you're not of sound mind so can’t make your own medical decisions.” 

“It’ll be okay Evie.” Adam promised, giving her a kiss, “Me and Doctor Rogers know what’s best for you so we can sort this out ourselves, you just rest.”

And with that they left so Buck was on her own.

The pills began to kick in pretty quickly after that. As she was dragged under one thought swirled around her mind; who’d wake up? Her or Evie? and that terrified her. 

The next time she woke up the sun was still shining into the room, the dust particles dancing in its beams. She felt groggy and foggy as she woke, the world taking a minute to settle, but when it did she spotted Adam sitting at her bedside. 

As soon as he realised she was awake he beamed down at her, “Hello you.” 

She scrunched her face up in confusion as it took her a second to figure out what was going on, but when she finally remembered ice cold dread filled her veins. She shot up into a sitting position only for the sudden movement to make her light headed so she flopped back down. 

“Oh sweetheart.” Adam gave her a patronising frown, “I’ll go and get Doctor Rogers so she can explain what we’re going to do.” He told her, placing a kiss on her cheek before leaving the room. 

She was only alone for a minute before Adam returned with the Doctor in tow. 

Adam sat on the edge of the bed, a hand on her hip, stroking circles with his thumb, whilst Doctor Rogers took the seat he’d previously occupied. 

“So here’s what’s going to happen.” She began, looking Buck in the eye, “Adam and I have decided that you’re going to stay here for a while, just whilst we figure out the medication and we can be sure you’re no longer a danger to yourself or convinced you’re from another universe. Now that could take a while as I know you’re aware from previous experiences with medication. And it does, unfortunately, mean you won’t be going anywhere for a while, but it’s what’s best for you right now. Do you understand?” Buck nodded, she understood, but she wasn’t happy about it. 

Adam wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a sitting position, held close to his body, “I’m going to visit as much as possible, okay? You’re not going to be alone in this.” He assured her, “I’m also going to bring some of your own clothes so you’re not in hospital gowns all the time.” 

“Thank you.” She whispered, finding it hard to get the words out. 

He ran a hand through her hair, “That’s alright, it’s what I do, remember? I look after you.” 

A warm feeling filled her up and she felt herself being shoved aside as Evie took over again, “You do.” She replied, leaning in to kiss Adam. 

Doctor Rogers chuckled, “I’ll leave you kids to it.” She said before stepping out, the door clicking shut behind her. 

Evie deepened the kiss and Buck wanted to scream, but all she could do was watch as Adam reciprocated, going even further with the kiss as he pulled her into his lap, hands on her ass to hold her in place, as she cupped his face. 

Adam manoeuvred them so they were lying down; Adam on his back, Evie on top of him. After a minute he flipped them around and began to grind, “I thought you said no sex in the hospital." Evie joked. 

“That was back when I didn’t know when we’d be interrupted, but I can confirm that we’ve got time now and no one will walk in on us.” 

Buck needed to get out, she needed to get control back, she couldn’t sit in the back seat whilst Evie and Adam fucked. But she couldn’t get out, no matter how much she screamed and cried and begged she was stuck in the back, Evie keeping control (she supposed that was to be expected given she was the parasite in this equation and the original personality was beginning to reassert itself, but still, she wanted out). 

Although Buck didn’t have any control she could feel everything the body could, so whilst Evie and Adam had sex she experienced the whole thing. Sure he was still good and she wasn’t the one actually having sex, but she still didn’t want to be with anyone but Eddie. So she just sat there and stopped fighting so she wouldn’t come back whilst they were going at it. 

It was in the post sex haze that Buck managed to take back control. Evie and Adam were curled up in the bed, Adam lazily tracing patterns on Evie’s skin, as she just lay there, with her eyes closed, drifting in and out, blissed out. It was Buck’s perfect opportunity, wresting the body back. 

She took a deep, gasping breath as her eyes opened, “Evie? Are you okay?” Adam asked, propping himself up on an elbow so he could look down at her, only to be met with wide terrified eyes. 

When it’d just been her in her head it’d been easy to try and keep her cool, to go with the flow as best as she could, but now she was fighting back that wasn’t possible, not enough processing power in her brain to handle it. 

She fell out of bed and scuttled into the corner, breathing heavily, “It’s okay, it’s only me.” Adam said, voice quiet and calm as he crouched down and held his hands up, “Don’t worry, it’s just me, Adam, your husband.” 

“You’re not my husband.” She bit out, “You’re a manipulative piece of shit.” 

His demeanor immediately changed, he stood to his full height, towering over her, pure anger overtaking his face. He stepped forward and boxed her into the corner. He squatted down, so his head was just above hers, his hands on the wall either side of her head, “Don’t you dare talk to me like that ever again.” He hissed as Buck cowered in the corner, “Don’t forget who put you here, because I can keep you here for as long as I want.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She whimpered, her body compressed into a tight ball, her hands over her head and knees up to her chest with her face buried in them. 

Adam huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “I’ll get Doctor Rogers, let her know you’re having an episode.” And then he left. 

As soon as the door clicked shut Buck’s body relaxed a smidge, ragged breaths leaving her as she began to cry. 

When Doctor Rogers returned a few minutes later Buck was fully sobbing. 

The doctor was flanked by two nurses. One of them had to wrestle Buck out of the corner and back onto the bed where the other secured her wrists and ankles so she couldn’t lash out and hit anyone. 

Buck arched her back as she tried to fight against the restraints but couldn’t get away as they weren’t budging, “Let me out.” She screamed, “Let me out of here.” 

“I can’t do that unfortunately.” Doctor Rogers said, although she clearly wasn’t apologetic about it, if anything it seemed like she liked having Buck there, her whole demeanor having flipped from the sweet doctor who was trying to help her to something more malicious. Buck saw her then uncap a syringe she hadn’t realised the woman was holding, making her panic even more. 

As the needle came closer Buck tried to pull away, but yet again she couldn’t get anywhere as she was secured to the bed. 

One of the nurses held her arm down anyway, to stop her from thrashing. Doctor Rogers slipped the needle in with ease and injected the contents of it into Buck. 

She handed the used syringe over to one of the nurses and the both of them left whilst the doctor pulled a chair up. As she sat down Buck began to feel lethargic, like all the energy had left her body but she was still conscious, if she had to guess she’d assume she’d been given a low dose of a sedative. 

“So, here’s what’s going to happen.” One of the nurses returned with a tray, placing it on a table and wheeled it over to Doctor Rogers who snapped a pair of blue gloves on, “I’m going to insert this cannula, and you’re not going to remove it, because if you do I’ll just put another in, and another, and another, and another; every time you take it out I will replace it, so I wouldn’t even bother if I were you.” 

She began to open all of the packaging and prepare Buck’s skin, “This means when you act out, just like you did a minute ago,” She slipped the needle into Buck’s hand, “I can give you a little something to calm you down.” She taped it down, “I can also make sure you get enough nutrients and fluids in you if you decide to go on hunger strike. Not that it looks like you eat much anyway.” She removed her gloves and chucked them on the tray, chuckling at her previous comment before getting serious again, “Your husband loves you very much, and I’m a very good friend of your brother-in-law, so I’ve promised to keep you safe and comfortable for as long as I need to no matter what, and if that means keeping you strapped to a bed and lightly sedated everyday for the rest of your life then I will.”

“You can’t do that.” Buck grunted, fighting against the drowsiness that was beginning to cloud her mind, “That’s unethical. That’s medical malpractice. Y-you can’t do that to me.” 

Doctor Rogers leant forward, elbows on the bed, propped her head up, giving Buck a sickly sweet smile, “Oh, but I can, I have friends in high places Evelyn, you would not believe the things I’ve gotten away with before.” She brushed some curls off of Buck’s face, “It’d be a shame to keep someone so pretty hidden away in here, but if that’s what it takes to keep you safe and comfortable then I’ll do it. So a word of advice, just go with it and don’t fight back, it’ll make everything a whole lot easier for you, okay?” Buck gave her a terrified, jerky nod. “Good girl.” She lightly patted Buck’s cheek before leaving. 

She didn’t know how much time had passed, having fallen asleep not long after Doctor Rogers left, but then again, when she woke the sun hadn’t moved, so maybe she hadn’t. 

She experimentally tugged on her bonds again, seeing if she could get out of them somehow but just like last time they didn’t budge. She kept going anyway, rubbing her wrists and ankles raw as she struggled. 

Buck had no way of telling how much time had passed but eventually a nurse walked in. As soon as she saw Buck writhing around and her red wrists and ankles she tutted before walking out again. 

The nurse reappeared soon enough with a tray of supplies that she rolled over and set by the bedside. She didn’t say a word as she injected something into the IV, Buck’s body going lax in seconds. The nurse then freed one of her wrists, disinfected it and wrapped it in a bandage before securing her again. She proceeded to do that with her other wrist and her ankles before stepping out again, taking the supplies with her. 

After that she passed out. 

Time passed weirdly here, the sun never setting so she had no clue how much time had passed. But she’d been behaving, she wanted to be free of the bed and sedatives, so she behaved. Besides, if she could lull everyone into a false sense of security it would make it easier for her to make a break for it. 

When Adam would visit she’d play the good wife, spending time with him and doing whatever he wanted of her, and when the nurses and Doctor Rogers were there she was polite and took whatever they gave her, answered their questions and did everything they asked her to. 

But even though she’d been behaving, the people who talked to her calling her a ‘good girl’, the cannula stayed in her hand, “just to be safe” Doctor Rogers had said. 

The hospital had a nice little courtyard that flanked one side of the psychward, and on occasion Buck would be allowed out to get some fresh air. Well, Evie was allowed out, the other woman always in control when the time came to head out. 

“Hi Evie.” Adam greeted as he stepped into the room. Buck was sat back as Evie smiled at her husband whilst Buck internally groaned, she was about to be subjected to Evie and Adam’s bullshit for the rest of the night. 

“Hey baby.” Evie stood and walked over to him, giving him a kiss. 

Adam wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss, “Come on, we’re going for a walk.” He asked, once he’d pulled back. 

Evie hummed happily with a soft smile on her face, “Okay, cool.” 

“Good, shoes on.” Evie stepped back and slipped into a pair of crocs before taking Adam’s hand again and letting him lead her out. 

Buck pushed for control, if she could take over whilst Evie was out with Adam then maybe she could make a run for it. 

“How’re you feeling today?” Adam asked, holding Evie’s hand tightly. 

“Tired.” She answered honestly, she couldn’t lie to Adam, she told him everything. 

He stopped them, turning to face Evie, taking both of her hands in his, “I know, but you’re doing better, we’re getting there.” He reminded her, squeezing her hands and then pulling her in for a kiss. 

Buck couldn’t stop herself from scoffing, she wasn’t ‘getting better’ Evie was taking over. She hated this, she really fucking hated this. She wanted to be at home, curled up in bed with Eddie, able to hear Chris playing video games in his room, safe in the knowledge that she’d be heading out to see her family later that day. Instead she was inside someone else's brain trying desperately to get back home. 

Adam eventually pulled back and resumed their walk, Evie following along. 

“I was thinking, when you get out of here, how about a holiday?” Adam suggested.

Evie cringed a bit, “I don’t know Adam, I need to go back to work.” 

“Quit your job.” He said, all nonchalant as if that wasn’t a huge deal.

Evie chuckled awkwardly, “And do what with my days?” 

“There’s all sorts, obviously there’s things like cooking and cleaning, but you could take up yoga, go out for coffee with friends, gardening, there’s loads of stuff you could do.” He suggested, “Then there’s the question of kids, we could try again, and then you’d have plenty to do looking after them.” 

Evie stopped walking, wrapping her arms around herself and staring at the floor, “I don’t know if I’m ready.” She admitted.

Adam stepped over to her, guiding her face up with a gentle finger under the chin, “You’re ready.” He told her, his tone leaving no room for argument. 

And of course Evie caved immediately, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” 

‘Oh for fuck sake’ Buck groaned, ‘Don’t listen to him, he’s a cunt.’ At that she felt Evie try and push her further back, ‘Fuck you!’ Buck screamed before going quiet and just sitting down with her arms crossed, sulking in her little corner of the brain. 

There wasn’t much in her room; a bed, a window, an arm chair, a small ensuite bathroom, and a door that only locked from the outside (and was always locked when she was alone). So Buck got bored often. But regardless of how bored she got she never willingly let Evie take control, not wanting to encourage her. Saying that, at this point she was experiencing everything second hand about 90% of the time, Evie often taking control. 

Buck didn’t dream here, whatever it was they were giving her seemed to stop her from remembering them, but there was definitely at least one sedative in the cocktail she was given everyday. 

And she was pretty certain Doctor Rogers didn’t like her or Evie, she was always rough, heavy handed, with them. Grabbing their face and forcing their mouth open to make sure they’d actually swallowed her meds as opposed to just asking them to open up. 

The nurses appeared to have mixed feelings towards them, some of them silent when they were with them, others kind, whilst some were outright rude, but regardless of their feelings towards them Buck played along when she was in the driver's seat, doing everything she could to get out of there. 

In truth Buck didn’t understand why they were still here. She’d stopped acting out long ago, and Evie was docile and noncombative in everything she did and said. And neither of them had mentioned the fact that they were fighting the other for dominance. So why they hadn’t been discharged and sent home was beyond her. 

So eventually Buck brought it up with Adam on one of his visits, “When can I go home?” She asked. 

“Huh?” He looked over at her from where he’d been focused on his book. 

“When can I go home?” She asked again.

“Oh.” He then gave her a nonchalant shrug, “Eventually.” 

“That’s not an answer Adam. When am I going home?” She asked again, already getting frustrated. 

“You’ll go home eventually.” He reiterated. 

“That’s extremely vague, I’d like to get a rough idea of when I can go home.” 

As her tone got snappier he put his book down and gave her his full attention, “You’ll go home when you’re ready, but you’re not ready yet Buck.” 

Buck was taken aback by that, how did Adam know about her nickname, “W-what?” 

Adam straddled her lap, placing his hands on either side of her face, “I know you inside and out, and I know that you’re fighting my wife for this body, so only once you’re gone, can me and Evie go home.” 

Buck’s mouth flapped open and closed, “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“But you do, the sooner you give in the sooner this is over. So surrender and give my wife her body back.” His voice was low and threatening. 

“How do you know about all of this?” Buck asked, needing answers. 

“Eddie told you, this is your limbo. And the longer you’re here, the more your body loses the fight, the more engrained you become in this place. Me and Doctor Rogers are here to make sure you’re ready for the transition, ready for Evie to reinstate herself and for Buck to go. So just give up already, it’ll make this whole thing less painful.” 

As she processed the information she began to seize, but Adam held her down, pressing her shoulders into the bed and he didn’t remove any of his weight from her hips, “This doesn’t have to hurt.” He told her, “Just let go, that’s all you have to do.” 

When she finally stopped seizing everything hurt, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying, sobs wracking her body, “Give up Buck.” He brought his hands to her face and kissed her, “It’ll hurt less.” 

What she could only assume was a few days later she decided to try her luck, “What is it that you keep giving me?” 

“That doesn’t concern you.” Doctor Rogers said, impatiently waiting for Buck to take the cup of pills from her. 

She took them and knocked them back, there was no way she was getting out of taking them, “I think it’s a perfectly valid question.” 

“And I think you’re getting too ballsy for someone who’s slowly dying.” She retorted, “Now, if I were you I’d step back and let Evie out.” 

Buck glared at Doctor Rogers, “No way, I’m not going easily.” 

Doctor Rogers grabbed her jaw, pulling her closer so they were practically nose to nose, “You’re going to lose either way. Give it a minute for the medication to kick in and then you’re taking a back seat.” 

“We should be able to go home in a few days' time.” Adam told her, Evie curled up into his side on the bed.

“Yeah?” She smiled up at him. 

“Yeah.” He replied, “A few more days and then she’s gone and it’s just you and me again baby.” 

“Good.” Evie leant up to kiss him before flopping back down, her head on Adam’s chest, “I’m getting tired of fighting.” 

“I know you are.” He began to lightly trace patterns on her back, “But you’re doing so well.” 

Shit, Buck suddenly had a very real deadline. She needed to get out of here and home to her family before it was too late. So she began to push harder against Evie, hoping that the burst of adrenaline would be enough to take over and run. 

But instead the sudden clash triggered a seizure. Adam slipped off the bed to give her space, waiting it out. Unfortunately for Buck when the seizure ended it was Evie who was still in control. So she had to come up with a solid plan that Evie couldn’t foil. 

It was Doctor Rogers’ next visit that Buck was able to use to her advantage. She’d briefly gotten to the front, so as soon as the door opened she ran at the woman and tackled her to the ground. As soon as she’d processed what was going on Doctor Rogers tried to fight back, but Buck was far taller than her, and even if she wasn’t as strong as she was in her own world she still knew how to land a punch that would do damage regardless. 

She managed to land some solid punches to Doctor Rogers’ face, she then rolled off of the woman, which gave the doctor time to stand and try to fight back. Only Buck had wanted her on her feet as it allowed her to land a solid punch to the liver, hard enough that she immediately crumpled to the floor, unconscious. 

Buck felt Evie trying to fight her but Buck pushed back, working to get to the front with all her might, the adrenaline of the fight boosting her strength. But she had a limited window, unsure how long Doctor Rogers would be out for, so she had to make the most of it, grabbing Doctor Rogers’ ID badge and running as fast as she could. 

Before anyone could stop her she swiped the ID on the door and got out of the psych ward. 

As she went Evie pushed for control again, briefly getting it and trying to turn them around only for Buck to push her away and continue heading onwards. 

She’d decided to head to the ER waiting room and then retracing her steps from her first day here in the hopes of finding the store room. 

But Evie kept getting in the way, regaining control for a few seconds at a time, trying to get back to the psych ward, to get back to Adam. 

“Let me go!” She eventually screamed, “Let me get out of here and then the body’s yours!” 

Evie briefly took over, “No, that’s not how this works, take us back to Adam!” 

“I can’t, I need to get home.” 

“You are home.” 

Buck couldn’t stop the sob that escaped her, “No, I’m not. Home is with Eddie and Chris, away from these abusive relationships. Now fuck off!” She managed to shake Evie for slightly longer this time, long enough to get into the store room. 

But as soon as she crossed the threshold she felt a shooting pain in her head, pressing her fingers into one of her temples as her knees gave out under her, her free hand holding her up. 

Suddenly a hand was roughly grabbing her face and yanking it up so she was looking at Doctor Rogers, “You’re not going anywhere Buck.” She growled, “Evie stays here.” 

Hands grabbed her shoulders and threw her onto her back. Above her she saw Adam who reached down and pinched her nose so she couldn’t breath, her mouth instinctively opening so she could breath. Only for Doctor Rogers to shove her fingers in Buck’s mouth and hold her tongue down, then tipping an excessive amount of pills down her throat. 

Only once she’d swallowed did Adam release her nose, “Come on Evie,” he encouraged, “One last time.” 

He threaded his arms under Buck’s armpits and dragged her along the floor until he was able to prop her up against the wall. The one opposite the window to her world. 

“Please,” She sobbed, “I just want to go home.” She felt herself begin to grow weak and Evie slowly pushing against her. But instead of feeling like she was being forced back she felt herself dissolving. 

She breathed heavily as her memories and thoughts blurred together and fizzled out, “That’s it Evie.” Adam continued to coax her out with words of encouragement, “You’re stronger than her now, you can do it.” 

She felt a warmth radiate in her core as she began to feel happy to see Adam in front of her. She smiled at him, “Hello baby.” 

Suddenly a fist connected with Adam’s face, knocking him out cold with one hit. Evie looked up, and at the sight of Bobby, Chimney and Hen, Buck managed to find some strength and push back. 

“We are so glad we found you.” Chim said, pulling her to her feet, “You’ve got to get out of here, now!” 

Bobby lifted her up when her legs threatened to give out under her and walked her over to the window. He put her down as soon as they got there but put one of her arms over his shoulders and had one of his around her waist, holding her up, “They’re waiting for you sweetheart, it’s time to go home.” 

“But I don’t know how to get there.” She said, followed by a gasp of pain, a hand flying up to her temple as she leaned heavily into Bobby’s side. 

“Yes you do.” Hen reassured her, “You’ll always find your way home, it’s who you are.” 

Buck looked through the window to see Bobby, Athena and Eddie standing around her hospital bed. 

Suddenly Chris’s reflection replaced her own in the window, “You promised you’d never leave me.” He said, wiping a tear from his eye, “Please don’t leave me Mom.” 

“Better not keep our kid waiting.” She turned to see Eddie beside her, “You need to be quick, Evie will come back soon.” Buck pulled him in for a kiss before turning back to the window where Chris had put his hand on the glass. Buck reached out and placed hers on top of his, causing the glass to shatter. 

Buck took a breath.