Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The day Jun-ho became a dad was probably the scariest day of his life. Not even getting shot (by his own brother, may he add) comes close to the terrifying amount of responsibility thrown onto his shoulders. Responsibility to keep this poor, innocent child safe, healthy and happy.

Let's be real. Jun-ho was still suffering with constant nightmares; reminders of the island itself, the explosions, the emerging fear for everybody on that ship because he'd secretly grown to care for them all greatly within the short time that they had spent together, the grief of losing many of their men, the grief he experienced of knowing that somebody he trusted so greatly, somebody who saved his life, was working against him all along. And yet, even amongst all of that, the one thing that haunts Jun-ho the most is the lack of conversation with his brother. He had so many things he wanted to say, and yet when the moment that he had been dreaming of for years finally came, all he could muster up was "why, In-ho?".

It haunts him. It hurts. He wanted to know how it happened. How his brother, who was once caring and (occasionally annoyingly) protective and who literally gave him a kidney to save his once sorry ass, became somebody they both swore to never be. A bad person.

He wonders if it's his fault. In-ho's wife got sick and there was nothing that he or Jun-ho could do to help because, well, his wife was as stubborn as they can come, but the financial problems were overwhelming anyway. That's why In-ho became a player in the Squid Game, Jun-ho concludes. Jun-ho just wishes that he could've helped more.

But after winning the Games entirely and becoming forty-odd billion won richer, it was too late. Maybe the grief was too overwhelming. Maybe he was manipulated into joining their operation entirely. Maybe-

Jun-ho's deep mind spiral is interrupted when the innocent child coos, probably looking for attention. Brows furrowed, Jun-ho stands up from his dining chair, mere inches away from the mysterious infant, and takes the few steps over to them. He looks down, once again examining the child's attire. It's wrapped in what seems to be a player uniform. A green jacket with a red patch with a white cross on. On the opposite side, the number 222. He wonders how a tiny child manages to win the games, assuming that's what happened. Based on the credit card and business card within the small gift envelope, it's a pretty accurate guess.

Wondering once again, he thinks to Mr. Seong. He could swear that's who he saw down on the floor, limbs deformed and blood everywhere. God. And then the image of In-ho at the top of the square tower, bending down to pick up something. The baby. Of course. Because of course Gi-hun would throw himself god knows how many feet, undoubtedly ending his life, to safe a child. That's who he is. Was.

Jun-ho blinks back tears for even thinking of it. Instead, he hesitantly picks up the baby, cradling it in his arms. He knows damn well how this baby got into his apartment, and yet he still finds himself wondering how it happened. The truth only makes him angry. He can't have a conversation, but he can have a baby? Pathetic.

***

Jun-ho doesn't know when he decides that he cannot do this alone, and he certainly doesn't know what possesses him to call Kim of all people. But, his mother is getting on and even the lord knows that Woo-seok would be no help. The guy is so smart and yet so stupid also.

Kim proved himself to be a trustworthy ally basically the minute he stepped onto Captain Park's ship. Jun-ho found himself paying close attention to the man. He isn't really sure why. Kim has a shell, one too hard to crack. And yet, Jun-ho doesn't find himself at all surprised when the taller man is at his door no later than 30 minutes after the phone call, bags of seemingly important groceries in his hands.

Jun-ho steps aside to let Kim in. The man walks over to the baby who is lying in the same bassinet it came with. Jun-ho watches as he gently caresses the baby, a small smile on his face. This is not what he was expecting.

Kim eventually turns to Jun-ho, eyebrows raised. "You couldn't have at least taken the poor thing out of the bloody clothes?"

Jun-ho mentally facepalms. "Ah, didn't think of that." He awkwardly chuckles.

"No bother. Look in the bag for me?" Kim says, untying the makeshift clothing, gently placing it aside.

Jun-ho does, and what he finds makes him frown in confusion. In just one of the bags, he spots many baby items. Bottles, diapers, formula and even clothes.

"Wow. You know a lot about babies." Jun-ho states, mostly to himself.

Kim nods, "Yep. Took care of my siblings a lot. Hand me the clothes, please?"

Jun-ho does and then watches, fascinated by whatever he is seeing. Kim gently unbuttons the outfit that the baby is wearing, stating that he doesn't know how long the baby has been wearing it. It makes sense to Jun-ho, especially seeing as the baby showed up wearing their (probably) dead parent's clothes.

The baby's diaper and clothes were changed, they were fed and put to sleep. All within no more than an hour. Jun-ho definitely thinks that Kim is some kind of superhero.

"So," Kim starts casually, sitting down opposite Jun-ho who has done nothing with the baby ever since Kim arrived at his apartment. He feels bad. "How did this happen?"

"I- I don't even know. I was out, I came home and there was just this baby. In a bloody player's uniform."

"Oh. I wonder if it was her mom?" Kim questions.

"Her?" Asks Jun-ho, confused on the use of pronouns. Yeah, he didn't even know that the baby's a girl.

"Yes, her. You couldn't tell?"

"No. Everything's been such a blur."

The slow but rising anger bubbles once more as Jun-ho once again contemplates what on this earth possessed his brother to leave him with a baby he knew nothing about, while having the audacity to not even stick around and have a proper conversation. His jaw subconsciously clenches, his hands balling into fists as he takes a sharp breath through his nose, easily heard in the silent room.

Kim watches with an unreadable expression. Jun-ho can be so hard to read at times, and yet in this very moment it's like Kim is hearing everything. Every unspoken thought, eery single buried trauma, every anger, every fear, and every single ounce of self doubt.

"Stop." Kim says, voice firm but eyes kind and understanding. "You're spiralling. It's very obvious."

Jun-ho scoffs. Kim continues.

"You're angry. At what?"

Jun-ho hesitates. "This- it's my brother's doing."

"The one that gave you the kidney." Kim states. They briefly had a conversation back on the ship, something about old scars. His kidney transplant came up.

Jun-ho nods. "There is so much that I haven't said. That I didn't tell anybody. I feel horrible, yet the secret is so much to handle. Especially now. After her."

"Then let me help. I can take a hard story."

Jun-ho isn't sure why, but once he starts talking about his brother, his life, his involvement in the Squid Games as their frontman, he can't seem to stop. He talks about going undercover as a guard, seeing so many people die, their higher operation, the VIP's, finding out his brother is who's behind the most recent deaths. And even being shot by him. He talks about how having to "whore himself out" (Jun-ho's words) to get information made him feel so disgusted in the months and even years to come that he wondered if he would ever keep anybody close ever again. But, he's been too busy for a relationship, anyway.

Kim listens. That's all he does. He maintains eye contact, even when Jun-ho doesn't He nods along to show his understanding of Jun-ho's feelings, to validate them, almost, and he even comfortingly places his hand on Jun-ho's shoulder when he is talking about his assault. The touch was gentle, like a ghosts, but it was there.

"When I infiltrated the island for the second time, I actually saw him. In-ho. He was- on top of a tower. I guess it was the final game? It was square shaped. Down on the floor led a body. Broken and bloody. I'm never getting it out of my mind. But at the top of the tower, there was something on the floor. In-ho picked it up and held it. Like you would a baby. I think it was her. I- I shot through the glass. He saw me. I shouted. "Why, In-ho?". That was it. All I said, was "why?". And he just- he walked away. Like I never even existed to him. And even now, when he drops a baby at my apartment, a baby I know nothing about, he doesn't even stick around to talk. I just want to talk. To understand what happened. That's all." Jun-ho sighs heavily after a short moment of silence, burying his head in his hands.

"It sounds to me like he's a coward. He can't face who he's hurt. And you? The complete opposite. What you faced on that island is what he put you through. In my eyes, your brother is the one to blame, but that is your choice. You have every right to be angry. At him, at the world, or at whatever motherfucker you would like. But you're owed more than just a conversation, Jun-ho. You're owed your life back."

Jun-ho doesn't know when exactly he started to cry. He feels embarrassed, but Kim only places a comforting hand on his back. No words are used, no mockery, no judgement. It's just two men. And a baby, of course.

***

Hours later, and Kim is still over at Jun-ho's apartment. The two eat takeout while the TV is on, creating background noise. None of them are watching.

"How am I going to raise a baby?" Jun-ho says aloud, breaking the silence between the men. "I know nothing about them!" The absurdity of the situation is extremely loud and evident to Jun-ho.

Kim quietly chuckles at the man's obvious (he's not sorry. it's very obvious) remark. Then, seriousness washes over his face, and the atmosphere entirely. Jun-ho notices.

Shifting uncomfortably, he turns his head back towards the man. "Thank you for your help today. And for listening. I don't know what I would've done. You don't have to keep staying. You've already done so much."

"I don't mind." Says Kim, shrugging. "Besides, I can help. If you'll let me."

Jun-ho raises his brows, confused. "Help?"

Kim once again shrugs. "Like I said, I know a lot about kids. I even like them, to an extent. I can help."

Dumbfounded, Jun-ho says "Help.. raise the baby?"

Kim rolls his eyes. "How much more do I have to spell it out? Yes, help to raise the baby. If you'll let me." Silence. "It's like they say, 'it takes a village', or whatever. Now, I'm certainly not a village but I could probably fight one."

This makes Jun-ho chuckle. Truth be told, he doesn't even have to think about saying yes. He just hesitates. He doesn't want to be too much trouble.

"So, what do you say?"

Jun-ho nods. "Sure."

And that is how the journey to co-parenting a mysterious child begins. And also falling in love. But, that's for later.

Chapter Text

"You have a baby?!" - the first words that Jun-ho hears that are spoken by somebody who wasn't him on this fine Sunday morning.

"Yes, Woo-seok. Come in, please." Jun-ho replies, sarcasm laced entirely.

There he was, just trying to enjoy his (fifth) morning coffee after finally getting the baby back to sleep. And the loud, childlike voice echos through his apartment. Jun-ho really regrets giving Woo-seok a key.

"I don't believe this!" The man exclaims, hands frantically flying to his head, really emphasising the dramatic nature.

"Well, it's real. Believe it." Jun-ho states, tone dry with zero ounce of care. God, he needs sleep.

"How- how did this happen?! You ghost me for like a week and the next thing i hear is that you have a baby?!"

The baby had been living with Jun-ho and shared with Kim for a little over a week. It's going well, Jun-ho would tell people like his mother, who was almost as shocked and dramatic as Woo-seok. True, Jun-ho had probably ignored every single person on his contacts list, basically excluding Kim and his mother. But it's a good excuse! Jun-ho, ever sleep deprived and even slightly nauseous due to the sheer amount of coffee he had consumed over the days had found himself rather busy.

"I swear if you wake that baby, i will go insane. Keep it down." Jun-ho threatens.

Woo-seok raised his hands defensively, "sorry, sorry! It's just.. I'm so confused!"

Jun-ho sighs. "I know. It's new. It's a long story."

"Well, luckily for you, I have all day." Woo-seok happily exclaims.

God, this guy can't take a hint.

Jun-ho searches his brain for a way to respond that is vague and doesn't reveal too much because he really doesn't want to have this conversation. Not now.

Saved by the bell, or in this case the door to his apartment once again opening, Jun-ho breathes a silent sigh of relief when he hears a familiar voice coming from his hall.

"Hey, you up? I'm assuming the little angel is still keeping you awake. I brought food!"

Kim is all too aware of the lack of sleep that Jun-ho is suffering from. In fact, he's basically experiencing it alongside the man, with the amount of texts and phone calls he receives in the middle of the night, some questioning why the baby does something, some seeking support and some just being Jun-ho trying to deflate. But Kim doesn't mind. He said he'd be there. In the short week that he's known the baby, he's actually already come to love her as if she were his. He'd always somewhat wanted a child. It was his choice of a time consuming, not to mention dangerous, career that stopped him. But now, he has that opportunity. And he's treasuring it. Besides, he actually rather enjoys talking with Jun-ho, truth be told. He'd never admit it aloud though.

"In here." Calls Jun-ho from his dining table in the kitchen.

Kim makes his journey towards the kitchen. "She finally asleep?" He asks, finishing the question upon entering, and noticing the presence of Woo-seok. Fun.

Speaking of Woo-seok, the man literally looks as if he could explode. Eyes wide, face borderline resembling a tomato, he turns to Jun-ho once more, looking at the man as if he murdered his entire family.

"Wait, so you're telling me that HE knows?!?! HE KNOWS, and I didn't until now? WHAT?" Woo-seok comes across truly hurt. This man is so dramatic.

Unfortunately, Woo-seok's loud declaration of his offense wakes said baby, made evident when she starts to cry. "Oh great, now you've done it." Jun-ho sighs, before trying to stand up.

Kim just chuckles silently, hand out to tell the man to stop. "I'll go. You rest."

Jun-ho nods in silent appreciation and takes a big gulp of his now cold coffee, face twisting at the taste. Gross.

Woo-seok takes a deep breath, calming slightly. He looks at Jun-ho, once again looking so betrayed.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It just- it came a such a shock. I called Kim because I panicked and basically just chose the first number i saw." A lie, but it soothes Woo-seok slightly.

"How did this even happen?" He once again questions.

Jun-ho sighs. "The baby was just- just here one day. She wore player's clothes. She had nobody."

Woo-seok was silent for a moment. "Player, as in the game?" Jun-ho nods at that.

"Woah. How do they make a baby a player? That's cruel, even for them." Yeah. State the obvious.

"Kim thinks her mother was in the game. Thinks she died. Maybe she was heavily pregnant, nowhere to turn except a game that offers money for playing children's games. That's their selling point. They convince people that it's harmless. It's not."

The actions of his brother weigh heavily on Jun-ho. Because they're family by paper, by DNA, it makes him feel as though his brother's burdens are also his own. He feels it every single second of every single day.

"That's terrible! Who would put a pregnant woman into these deadly games? Who would let her give birth to her child, and then just die? Assuming that's what happened, of course." Woo-seok's face scrunches slightly as he contemplates the cruel actions of whoever is behind the games.

"The baby showed up in bloody clothes, the player's uniform, as I said. There was a business card, and a credit card." Jun-ho says slowly, waiting for the understanding to appear on Woo-seok's face.

The man gasps. "No."  He shakes his head. "No way."

"Forty-five billion. I checked."

"The winner's prize? You're telling me a baby won the game?" Woo-seok looks utterly baffled. Jun-ho gets it. He was too.

Mere minutes later, the baby's fussing is no longer heard, and quiet footsteps approach the kitchen once again. Jun-ho catches eyes with Kim, silent question on his face, being 'is she asleep again?'. Kim nods.

Jun-ho smiles with relief. "You are a miracle worker."

"I know." Kim responds, slight smugness appearing on his face. Show off.

The two enjoy the temporary quiet. But, of course, the moment is ruined.

“I just can’t understand it. How does a baby manage to even survive?” Woo-seok questions. It’s reasonable, of course, but Jun-ho’s heart already hurts because of his brother and his actions, he doesn’t want to think about Seong Gi-hun’s heroic death. He crosses his arms onto the table, burying his head in the gap between. He can’t think about this. And god, he’s so tired.

Kim notices. Because, of course he does.

“Go to bed.” he simply says. “Woo-Seok and I have got her.”

Woo-seok looks surprised initially, but that quickly fades as he nods along eagerly. “Yeah! I’m great with kids.”

“You’d been here not even five minutes and you’ve already woken her up with your shouting.” States Jun-ho, brows raised

“But that wasn’t my fault! My best friend kept a huge secret from me! How else was I supposed to act?” Woo-seok replies defensively.

Woo-seok referring to Jun-ho as his best friend is really stupid, but also touching. Jun-ho recalls the times he talked about his former best friend, his “boss” as Woo-seok would say. Jun-ho wonders about their whole dynamic. The guy even officiated his wedding, apparently. The best friend label almost makes Jun-ho emotional. But, he’s tired. So that’s probably why. (It’s not).

“Quietly.” Jun-ho responds, sounding far too done with everybody’s bullshit.

Kim snorts at this remark.

“Wow. I see how it is.” Woo-Seok says, pretending to sulk. What a child. It makes everybody laugh, though.

Jun-ho rolls his eyes, about to make another comment when Kim interrupts. “Just go and rest. I personally will make sure that the baby is safe.”

Jun-ho sighs. “Finally. I can rest easy.”

“Hey!” Says Woo-Seok. Jun-ho laughs, standing up and slowly making his way out of the room.

***

A comfortable silence sets between Kim and Woo-seok, who occasionally asks questions, such as “what food did you bring?”, to which the response was “fruit”. Woo-seok, the man who is a child at heart, complains about how everything is always healthy. Kim’s response is that fruit is good for you, which is kind of backing up the other man’s point in the first place.

“Has she got a name?” Woo-seok asks, realising he didn’t actually find this out.

Kim shakes his head, placing some dishes in the sink to wash. “No. Jun-ho can’t make his mind up. It’s too big of a decision for me to make, even though he tried to put it on me, the bastard.”

“Really? That’s a lot of responsibility! He must trust you.” Woo-seok replies, genuinely surprised about this.

“I suppose.” Kim says, beginning to wipe said dishes.

A silence passes, then “So what, are you two the dads or something? Co-parents? Is that what it’s called?”

Kim takes a moment to think his response through. “I’m just helping at the moment. Poor Jun-ho is clueless, and it is a big deal, something like this to be thrown at you. He needed help. I offered. I wouldn’t say it’s anything like that yet.”

“Ah, yet.” Woo-seok teases.

Kim scoffs. “Shut up. You know what I mean. I’ll do what Jun-ho wants. The baby was left to him, after all.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Woo-seok laughs. “But one thing is for sure.”

Kim’s eyebrows raise. “What?”

“That baby is going to be loved.”

Kim smiles. Actually smiles. “Yeah.”

Chapter Text

It had been a whole entire month and a half since Jun-ho became a dad. Six weeks exactly. And his child still has no name.

Truth be told, Jun-ho has been putting it off. He's perfectly content using temporary sweet nicknames for the child. It's not like she can understand what he's saying, anyway.

Yet he wonders how long he wants to keep this up for. Naming her makes it feel real, yet the lack of sleep and overwhelming amount of baby resources flooding his apartment is evident.

Yes, since Woo-seok found out about the baby, he insists on being the fun uncle and is constantly bringing over gifts and resources. He brings toys, bottles, diapers and even a crib once.

The man is a godsend. Jun-ho was also putting off shopping for the baby, because again, too real.

Kim has also been great. He visits almost daily, making sure that Jun-ho is doing well, as well as the baby. Kim tells him "You take care of the baby. You're doing a damn good job. Let someone take care of you". The small praise sent warmth through Jun-ho. He put it down to the fact that he was being recognised for the hardship of raising a child.

Kim makes sure Jun-ho eats, watches the baby while he showers and naps and just keeps him company. Let's be real, a seven month old baby isn't the best company. The one sided conversations can get boring. So having somebody who can replicate is nice.

Jun-ho's mother has visited once or twice in the past few weeks, and Jun-ho has gone to her with the baby. Not before having Kim give him extensive "training" on how to safely install a car seat and put the baby into said seat, though.

She adores the baby. She's confused, but she's smitten. Jun-ho told her that he adopted the baby; a last minute decision. He made up this story about finding her at a crime scene, the scene of her parent's murder. In a sense, it's somewhat true. He fed his mother the story of feeling sorry for her and making the decision to take her home. His mother bought it.

It angers him, the lack of decision. Jun-ho had absolutely no say in this matter. Yet, he supposes that he wouldn't change it for the world, if he had the choice.

His mother is nagging him, telling him that he needs to think of a name for the "poor child". She's threatened to disown him, and him only. Jun-ho only rolls his eyes.

He imagines naming his child, his child (!!!), and then years later she hates the name. that would make him feel awful.

He's tried giving the responsibility to Kim, who he could argue volunteered to help, he signed up for this kind of responsibility, but the older man refused. Deep down they both know that this is something for Jun-ho to do.

Speaking of, a light knock at the door alerts him of the man's presence. Jun-ho was just in the middle of sorting some things, putting toys into the new chest that he had (quietly) assembled and washing some clothes.

Jun-ho had somewhat gotten used to Kim's knocks. He does the same one every time, a simple pattern of four gentle taps, quiet enough to not wake the baby, should she be sleeping.

"Come in." Jun-ho speaks aloud, voice loud enough to just about be heard on the other side of the door, but quiet enough to not disturb the child.

The front door gently opens, and in walks Kim, wearing dark grey jeans and a white button up shirt. Something so casual for a man who is usually so uptight. Jun-ho takes in the sight subtly, or so he thinks. He's practically gaping.

Kim looks relaxed. His usual hard exterior has been chipping recently anyway with the 'arrival' of the baby and the amount of time the two spend together, but today, in his casual and comfortable clothing, Kim looks good. Not just good as in attractive, but good as in at peace. The first time since, well, ever.

"What?" The man asks, confusion evident on his face.

Jun-ho shakes his head. "Nothing. Day off?"

Nodding, Kim says "Yeah, first in a while. Honestly, it's needed. I love what I do, but sometimes it's a lot."

Jun-ho half smiles. "I get that. When I was in the police force, I never took a day off. Not until- well," Jun-ho pauses. It was his brother that motivated him to go to work every day. Not with words so much, but the overwhelming desire to impress the man, the want for his praise. The need to be positively acknowledged. "Things went kind of downhill at some point." Jun-ho finishes, and Kim understands.

Changing the subject, Kim asks "Where's the baby?"

Jun-ho's smile returns. "Asleep."

"Wow." Smiles Kim. "You're getting good."

Jun-ho laughs. "I'm trying. That's all that matters."

Kim nods. "You are."

The two men look at each other. Silence washes over. Then it's broken.

"I brought food." Kim says, heading to the kitchen.

"When do you not?" Jun-ho jokes.

"Well, gotta keep you fed. You starving to death isn't going to help the baby."

"I can cook for myself, ya know?" Jun-ho comments, following the man.

"Yeah. Badly. Can't have you dying of food poisoning, either. Again, not good for the baby." Kim chuckles.

Jun-ho reaches out, swatting his arm. “Rude!”

The scene becomes homely very quickly. Kim moves in front of the stove, apron on, handling a selection of ingredients. Jun-ho’s face settles with a small smile as he moves to the kitchen’s small speaker, selecting some calm music to add to the atmosphere. He then places himself at the kitchen table. The two chat about nothing in particular while Kim works his magic. Jun-ho decides he wants to be useful, so he starts washing the few dishes that have already appeared.

“Well well, isn’t this domestic!” A familiar voice, coming from the hall, teases.

The two turn around, policing and mercenary instincts kicking in. Jun-ho grabs the knife he was wiping, holding it defensively, and Kim pulls out a pistol from the back of his jeans, something the younger didn’t even realise he had. Jun-ho was sure he locked his apartment door after Kim entered.

“Woah! Relax!” The voice moves closer until it reaches the entrance of the kitchen, the man’s face revealed. There stands Woo-seok, hands raised in the air. “It’s just me!”

Kim rolls his eyes, relaxing slightly, but not to the state he was before. He places his gun back in its hiding place.

Jun-ho huffs, placing the knife down. “You really need to learn to call before you come over.”

“Why?” Woo-seok asks, “am I interrupting something?” tone turning teasing.

“Just our peaceful morning.” Kim mutters. Jun-ho chuckles.

“Hey! That is rude!” Woo-seok clearly heard the remark- responding a bit too loudly.

The baby begins to cry from Jun-ho’s bedroom. He hasn’t opted to give her a separate room yet. He isn’t sure he’s ready.

“Woo-seok! You utter- just- ugh!” Jun-ho’s hands fly frantically for a few seconds, before he storms out of the room towards the baby.

“Imbecile, is the word he was looking for.” Says Kim, voice low as he flicks Woo-seok on the head.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

Jun-ho walks back into the kitchen, baby in his arms. He looks towards Woo-seok, slight glare in his gaze which softens when he then looks in Kim’s direction.

“I have got to give this child a name.”

***

Kim cooking for Jun-ho, and occasionally Woo-seok too, actually becomes a regular thing. This night in particular however was actually just Kim and Jun-ho, no interruptions. Until Jun-ho’s mother shows up at the door.

“Jun-ho! How are you?” His mother exclaims in front of him, eyes warm smile bright.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” Jun-ho asks.

“I just came to visit! See how my son is doing, and my granddaughter, of course!” Beaming, his mother tries to push her way past.

Jun-ho hesitantly lets her past, closing the door quickly behind.

“Mom, I- I have a guest over at the moment.” He says, quickly catching up to her.

“Ah! Is it a girl? I’ve been waiting for you to meet somebody. Look, let me just meet her then i’ll be out of your way.” His mom breathes in. “Is she cooking for you? What a kind lady!”

“Mom- it’s not-” Jun-ho’s sentence is cut when his mom stops at the kitchen. Kim is stood, baby in one arm and wooden spoon in the other, mixing some salad ingredients together.

“Oh!” Jun-ho’s mother exclaims. Her eyes dart between Kim, who has now noticed the woman, and the baby, then back to Jun-ho.

Jun-ho walks past her, entering the kitchen fully to stand close to the baby and Kim. “Mom, this is Kim. He’s- he’s a friend.”

Jun-ho isn’t entirely sure how to describe Kim in the moment. Is he a friend? Is he anything more? Is he family? Is he the baby’s second father? He’s certainly present like a father. And he doesn’t feel like just a friend.

But, this isn’t the time to have this mental conversation with himself.

Kim immediately steps into the meet the parents role. “Good evening, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Kim extends his hand politely, which Jun-ho’s mother willingly takes to shake.

“Likewise. Is that my lovely granddaughter?” She asks, answer obvious as her gaze points at the baby that Kim is holding.

“Yes.” Kim smiles, “I was just having a cuddle. She’s such a pleasure to be around, I was taking advantage. Would you like to have her.”

Jun-ho’s mother’s smile widens, hands clapping excitedly. “Please!”.

Kim carefully hands the baby to Jun-ho’s mother, smile still on his face. The kind woman thanks Kim.

“Such a gentleman.” She says. “Your wife must be so proud!”

Kim’s smile falter’s slightly, but doesn’t leave. “No wife, ma’am. I appreciate the assumption, though.”

“Wow! I can’t understand that! A handsome man like you? But, I’ve been telling my Jun-ho to get back out there. Are good women this hard to come by these days?” Jun-ho’s mother asks. She doesn’t hear the question as the two men do.

Kim chuckles politely. “No, ma’am. I’m just not very interested at the moment. My work is my focus.”

“Ah! Work orientated. I like that too. What do you do?”

Kim hesitates. “Policing. Joined the force many years back. I was in the military forces beforehand.”

His mother gushes. “Wow! What about your mother? I bet she brags to all of her friends about you.”

This time, Kim’s smile does disappear. Nobody really mentions his mother. “She passed away. Years ago.”

Jun-ho’s mom’s face falls too. “Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s alright.” Kim says, false smile reappearing.

Jun-ho’s mom places a hand on his shoulder. It helps.

“Say, would you like to stay for dinner? Assuming that’s alright with Jun-ho, here.”

Jun-ho snaps out of his trance of admiration. “Um, yeah. Sure. Let’s get you comfortable, mom.” The man says, leading her and the baby to the living room.

Jun-ho helps her to sit on the sofa, making sure she’s comfortable.

“I’ll make tea.” He says, quickly exiting the room.

Reappearing in the kitchen, he immediately finds his way to Kim’s side.

“I am so sorry. About my mom. She can be.. overbearing.”

“It’s okay.” Kim smiles. “I’m a big boy, Jun-ho. I can take it.”

Jun-ho laughs. “Why’d you have to invite her to stay?”

“Because she’s your mother! She’s travelled to see you. Appreciate it, Jun-ho.”

Jun-ho rolls his eyes. Kim notices.

Sighing, “I’d give anything. Just to have dinner with mine again.”

Jun-ho’s annoyed face falters, replaced with something mixed with sympathy and admiration.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” The man says, brows furrowed as he stares directly at Kim, who immediately diverts his gaze to the floor.

Kim clears his throat, blinking back anything in his eyes. “it’s okay. Sorry for getting all personal.”

“Personal is allowed here.” He says, hand lightly touching his arm. Then, straightening himself up, “We can talk later. I’m going to appreciate my mother.” Jun-ho smiles, and Kim replicates.

***

Jun-ho spends his evening trying to interact with his mother, who is far too busy gushing over her granddaughter and Kim. In a way, Jun-ho doesn’t mind. He likes watching Kim squirm, and he enjoys sharing the same love for the baby with his mother.

He makes sure that she gets home safely, and Kim sends the leftovers in some Tupperware.

Kim is the one to feed and change the baby on this particular night. It never takes him long, something Jun-ho is kind of resentful of.

The baby is handed to Jun-ho, who cradles her for a short while.

He looks at the older man who is now sat beside him in the living room, thinking back to their brief conversation earlier in the day. His mom.

Jun-ho doesn’t know much about Kim, but the man has been there for him since they first met. It’s about time he does the same.

“You listened to me when I needed to talk about my brother. And the island. It’s my turn to listen to you. If you want.”

That simple sentence was an invitation for Kim to let himself flood. Kim contemplates. He never really opens up, he’s not the type. But there is something different about Jun-ho, something that makes him want to rip himself apart just so the man can piece him back together.

“My mom died when I was 9. It was quick, short illness. It was devastating to all of us. Dad became a drinker. My older sister killed herself. She jumped from the roof, how she got up there I’ll never know. The grief- it was powerful. For dad especially. He’d get angry. Shout. Then hit.” Kim scoffs. Jun-ho listens, subconsciously holding the baby a little tighter as the man talks. “He broke my 7 year old brother’s arm. Dad told the doctor that he fell out of a tree. ‘You know what kids are like’, he would say. That was his excuse for every injury that my brother and I showed up to places with.” A pause, as Kim shifts uncomfortably.

“You don’t have to tell me everything. Say whatever you want.” Jun-ho says. Kim nods.

“Then he met my stepmother. She quickly became pregnant. Had my sister. I was about 12. Then- then my dad just- lost it. Killed everybody.” Kim’s voice breaks. Noticeably. “My stepmom and my brother. He was 9.” Gently, he leans his head back to try and stop whatever wants to leak from his eyes. But, he keeps going. “Me and my sister, we got away. We ended up in the foster system. We were orphans, we had no one. I practically raised her myself. Changed her, fed her, stayed up with her when she wouldn’t sleep. I took care of her when she was sick, I comforted her when she was upset.” Tears do begin to fall from Kim’s eyes.

Jun-ho’s heart breaks for the man. And he hasn’t even heard the rest of the story.

“Then when she was 5, she died too.”

Jun-ho gasps. The pain that Kim must of- still does- felt is so evident and it looks painful. It’s painful for Jun-ho, and he wasn’t even the one who experienced it all.

Jun-ho places the baby into his lap and grabs Kim’s hand, gripping tightly. The older man uses his free hand to wipe his face.

“I turned 18, I joined the military and it was all practically forgotten. I never brought it up.” He scoffs quietly, “I told no one. Nobody knows.”

Jun-ho frowns. “Except for me.” He thinks aloud. Kim looks at the man, tears in his eyes evident.

“You’re not alone. Not anymore. You have us.” That simple sentence from Jun-ho causes another flow of silent tears. Jun-ho watches, occasionally squeezing the man’s hand comfortingly.

He feels almost honoured that he is the one hearing Kim’s story. It makes him feel trusted. And something else he can’t quite put his finger on. It makes him feel warm. Loving. No. But, yes? Love? Strong liking? Fuck. Well. Whatever it is, it’s obviously stronger than a simple friendship.

More silence passes. This time, it’s more comfortable. Jun-ho doesn’t let go of Kim’s hand, though.

“Yu-ri.” Jun-ho says, voice soft but deep from the tiredness. It can wait, though.

“What?” Kim asks.

“Yu-ri. Hwang Yu-ri. That’s her name.” Jun-ho smiles wide, watching the baby. Yu-ri looks right back at him, a little smile on her own face.

“It’s perfect.” says Kim, smile returning, eyes full of something that Jun-ho can’t quite place. It’s a nice look. Affectionate. Jun-ho wants to see it more. “She’s perfect.”

“She is.” Jun-ho sighs, content.

Jun-ho looks at his daughter, nothing but love in his eyes as he gently traces her cheek with his finger. Kim watches.

“Thank you for letting me be a part of this.” Kim says, so quietly that Jun-ho barely hears.

“I should be thanking you, you know? You’ve been, well, everything that I’ve needed. I’m grateful.” Jun-ho says, looking at the man.

Kim smiles, squeezing the hand that he’s still holding his. A lengthy silence happens before Jun-ho speaks once again.

“I never really thought I’d be a dad. I’m not sure that I ever wanted to. But now, now I’m here. Yu-ri is here. And I am going to try my damn hardest to make sure that I’m the best I can be. For you.” Jun-ho speaks aloud, to the baby in his lap, to Kim? It’s undecided.

Kim’s smile is warm. Full of admiration. Full of love. He watches as Jun-ho continues being affectionate to Yu-ri, the man’s eyes shiny.

This is everything.