Chapter Text
Ken’s hands ran up and down Kazutoshi’s sides. He wriggled in Ken’s lap in an attempt to get closer. The lipgloss he was wearing tasted fruity. He had one hand in Ken’s hair, and the other curled in his collar, trying to pull him closer again.
Someone knocked at the door. Ken jerked back with a squeak, and winced as Kazutoshi’s grip in his hair tightened.
Kazutoshi was going to kill whoever it was.
“Ignore it,” he demanded.
“But what if-”
Kazutoshi leaned closer to kiss him again when the knocking got louder. More insistent.
“I know you’re in there!” Watari called.
“I’m going to kill her,” Kazutoshi said flatly.
“D-don’t joke about that.”
“Who said I’m joking?”
With great reluctance, he hauled himself off Ken’s lap and stomped over to the door. Great. Fucking great. If she wasn’t literally dying, he was going to lose his shit.
He wrenched the door open.
“What.”
Watari’s eyebags were fucking huge. It was the first thing he noticed, running his eyes over her. She was standing awkwardly, her weight tilted to the left. It was unlike her.
“Ohohoho,” She said in lieu of a greeting, a grin pushing up her cheeks. “What do we have here?”
“Don’t.”
She stepped into the room and ran her eyes over Ken.
“Have you two finally got together now?”
Kazutoshi cringed.
“I - we’re not -” he cut himself off and inhaled shakily.
“It’s complicated,” Ken said swiftly, giving him a concerned look.
She groaned and flopped back on the bed next to Ken. She winced when she landed.
“Ugh, tell me about it.”
“You do not have a chance with Mai,” Kazutoshi said bluntly, crossing his arms across his chest.
Watari seemed surprised for a second before laughing awkwardly.
“Yeah, I-”
“H-Hold on!” Ken interrupted, his eyes wide. “You weren’t talking about Hayashi, were you?”
“Um…”
It was Kazutoshi’s turn to groan. Locked in a room with Okazaki for three days. Right. Of fucking course.
“Nishino, tell me you didn’t.”
She remained silent.
“Nishino,” Ken reprimanded. “She’s dangerous! You know that! What she did to-”
“Don’t bring my death into this,” Kazutoshi snapped.
“R-Right. Sorry.”
Watari cringed, her mouth wobbling as her eyes darted around the ceiling.
“I,” she took a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just need a minute. With someone that’s…not her.”
Kazutoshi frowned and sat next to Ken. Their legs were touching. He cherished the warmth while he had it, and wondered if that’s what Watari was doing.
“Nishino,” he said quickly. “She’s hurting you, isn’t she?”
“No!” she refuted, her eyes wide. “No. I - listen, I have two more days anyway. Even if she was, I…I just…” she trailed off for a few seconds. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”
“Wa-ta-ri!” Rui called. Watari jerked and sat up slowly. Ruiko pushed the door open gently. Kazutoshi had forgotten to lock it. Fuck. She wasn’t gonna let him hear the end of that. “Shigeki wants to talk to you about the dance thingy you’re doing! Oh and…Hasegawa? Mai wants you back in the dining room. ‘Toshi, you ate your thingy, right?”
Kazutoshi rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, yeah, I ate it.”
“Good!” she said with a grin. “I helped make it, y’know!”
“Wow, I’m surprised.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snapped.
“It tasted good.”
“Thank you - hey! That’s rude!”
Rui dragged Nishino out of the room. He and Ken glanced at each other. Ken sighed.
“Let’s go,” Kazutoshi finally said. He held Ken’s hand to pull him along. Not for any other reason.
He dropped it just before they reached the kitchen. Miki was there, leaning against the doorway and grinning at them. Kazutoshi was about to pass her when she put up a hand to stop him and tapped her lips.
“Huh?”
She tapped them again with a raised brow. Fuck, the lip gloss. Hastily, he wiped it off and looked back at her for her approval. She nodded and gave him a thumbs up.
“I’m happy for you both,” she said pleasantly.
Kazutoshi nodded curtly at her while Ken spluttered behind him. Right. Time to deal with this shitshow.
–
Shigeki would be annoyed that Hasegawa was such a bad host if Mai wasn’t consuming his every waking thought right now.
She kept hovering near him, looming over his shoulder as she poured him some more water. Her fingers would graze his sides as she passed, a smug smile etched into her face.
He shivered when she touched him, and flushed when Nakamigawa retched at their interaction.
“You two are so gross,” he complained.
“W-we are not!” he stammered, glaring as he felt his face get warmer. He truly wasn’t used to sitting down during mealtimes. He and Watari had already performed their dance for everyone. He had caught Mai’s eye afterwards.
She was smiling. At him. Her eyes shone with affection, and he grinned back at her.
No, he couldn’t ignore it. Hasegawa was the worst host he had ever seen. He doted solely on Kazutoshi and neglected the rest of the table, rushing over to take orders that he repeated under his breath five times over before practically sprinting to the kitchen.
Isono emerged from the kitchen and sat down with a groan.
“I’m so not used to cooking,” she complained.
“Ah, if I remember right you and Masanari don’t have much experience in the kitchen?”
“Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p’. “Manami’s teaching us though, which is pretty helpful. If we’re living together I guess one of us should know how to do it at least.”
“Living together?” he asked. Masanari hadn’t mentioned it to him yet. Strange.
“Yeah! It’s gonna be a lot of fun!”
“Truly, I am happy that you two have found each other. It’s terrible that you met under such circumstances, but I am so glad that you have each other to lean on.”
Isono’s face went lax for a second before she smiled.
“I-thankyou, Yanagi.”
Someone whacked him on the head with something.
“Ow!” he looked up to see Hiroaki brandishing a wooden spoon, his arms crossed across his chest.
“Stop making people sad Yanagi!”
He furrowed his brow and turned around fully to face him.
“I am not!”
–
Shigeki returned to the incinerator room. Ojima had asked him to take the trash out, and he had. But every time he nearly made it back to the kitchen, he returned. What if the pictures of him weren’t completely burned? What if one had slipped away?
He had checked it, again and again. Isono was there this time, looking up at him like she was expecting him.
He remained in the doorway.
“You’re back again,” she said simply.
“I…yes.”
“Shouldn’t you be with Hayashi right now?”
“Mai is um…lecturing Hasegawa about his hosting skills.”
It was funny to hear his own spiel leave Mai’s mouth. ‘You have to make them feel wanted, Hasegawa. You can’t just speed through their order and run away.’
“Well, at least we know he wants ‘Toshi,” Watari had snickered. Kazutoshi had elbowed her and told her to shut up.
“He is pretty bad,” Isono giggled. “He forgot my order like, three times.”
“Truly, he is not attuned to the wants of others.”
Isono brushed her bangs back and hummed.
“I wouldn’t say that. He’s just flustered, is all.”
It was phrased politely, but it seemed like a reprimand. Thinking about it, Shigeki supposed they were close.
“Um…Yanagi?”
She seemed shy all of a sudden, averting her eyes. Her hands twitched upwards like she was about to grab her forearms. She kept them at her sides.
“I wanted to tell you that um…I kind of get it, with the pictures. I don’t want to get into it, but if you ever need anything…”
Shigeki blinked.
“Miss Isono, I am sorry that you have had to deal with that. It’s utterly reprehensible behaviour.”
As he said it, he felt himself locking up. He could easily cast judgement on those who had hurt her. Not for a second would he think of her behaviour as a factor. It bothered him, then, how Lilah and Katayama stood out to him as beacons of innocence. Benevolence, even.
“Shige,” Mai called. He turned quickly, and found her waiting with her arms crossed, one finger tapping her left forearm repeatedly. “Something's wrong.”
“I-” his eyes flicked over to Isono, who was looking at him with concern, and then back to Mai.
“Isono. Out.”
“O-okay!”
Mai shut the door behind her and approached him slowly. He looked up at her in wonder. She had highlighter on her cheeks. They were shimmering. He hadn’t noticed until she had gotten so close.
“Shige, what’s wrong?” He opened his mouth. She covered it with her hands, raising her eyebrows. “Before you say anything, I need to establish one rule, Shige. Do not lie to me. Got it?"
Slowly, he nodded. Her hand was warm. She removed it.
“I…Miss Isono was telling me that she could relate to my problem with those um…images,” he gestured at the incinerator. “So she could be here for me. I-” he shuddered. “I told her that it was reprehensible, whoever did that to her and I just-”
His jaw felt stuck together. Sound clawed up his throat, fleeting and desperate, but didn’t make the journey out of his mouth. Maybe this was how Masanari felt.
“This is about Lilah and her friend, isn’t it?”
He nodded.
“I just…” he began, surprised when the words formed so neatly, like that brief vocal breakdown hadn’t even happened. “I keep thinking that well…I did cheat. I did deserve it.” Mai opened her mouth, surely about to say something sharp. He quickly continued. “But if Isono had cheated I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t say she deserved…that. I suppose it’s different for girls but-”
“Shige,” Mai interrupted, her expression fierce. “There was a reason I was so pissed off when you told me. It’s because you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t. It’s not-”
She took a breath, and paused, rubbing her temples. He watched and understood that she needed time for the words to form. He stayed silent.
“Listen, Shige. The-” she paused again. “The scary thing is that when people do that…it’s not even about you. It’s about them. There’s literally nothing you can do about it because, to them, you were never a factor in the first place.”
He shook his head without realising, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt like a little kid again.
Never a factor? How can you love someone and have them not be a factor in your actions?
He inhaled slowly, his breath hitching when he opened his eyes and saw Mai. She was looking at him with such softness. Like he was something precious. It was so different from her usual stoic expression. He couldn’t help but stare.
“I…Mai, she loved me.”
It was all he could say. It had been an indisputable fact for him, for years. To offer his devotion to someone who hadn’t would be devastating.
“She didn't," Mai said firmly. “Shige, she didn’t.”
–
“Ojima,” Monomoko called. Takeshi was washing dishes, and seemed startled by its presence. “I have a problem to discuss with you.”
“About our escape?”
“Yes. It is a moral problem.”
“...Okay. Explain.”
“As you know, I have numerous colleagues who work on this game. I must prioritise this game having no future. I must prioritise your safety. To do that, they must be eliminated.”
Takeshi frowned as he dried his hands.
“You’re going to kill them?”
“Yes. I am unsure of who I can even save.”
“You want to save them?” his eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth drawn in a thin line. He seemed to be uncomfortable with the idea of killing. Monomoko supposed he always was.
“I want to save some of them. Those who did not know what they had signed up for. Those who are too young to perish. Those who have been tortured during their time at the facility.”
“Hold on,” he interrupted, his eyes wide. “Tortured?”
“Indeed. Particularly those in entry level positions suffer under the hands of their team leads. There is one victim who is just two years older than yourself.”
Takeshi exhaled slowly.
“...How?”
“A colleague of mine subjected him to unnecessary open heart surgery and intentionally made mistakes to make this young man dependent on his care.”
“That's…holy shit.”
“Indeed.”
Its ears twitched.
“I know you’re listening. You may enter.”
Yanagi, Hayashi and Watari entered the room. The sight of Watari made something heavy settle in Monomoko. Last time, it had severely failed her. She had died painfully, flailing and shrieking in pain until her throat closed up. Previously, she had sobbed and begged Monomoko to let them go.
The memory of her face, scrunched up in grief and desperation would stay with Monomoko forever. Monomoko had driven her to that end.
“So, what, the people running the game are being tortured too?” Hayashi asked.
“Some of them, yes. They are often subjected to physical, psychological and sexual abuse under the guise of experimentation.”
Hayashi's eye twitched, and she crossed her arms. Monomoko wondered briefly if she thought it looked tough when she did that. To Monomoko, it looked like a self soothing gesture. A reminder of her physical strength. That she could protect herself.
“Like human experimentation?” Watari clarified.
“Yes.”
Something sharp flashed in Hayashi’s eyes. Her jaw dropped.
“It’s not…Okazaki’s file, it’s not the same people, right?”
“It is.”
“What?” Watari turned quickly, her voice wobbly. “What’s wrong with Hanano? Is she-”
“She wouldn’t want you to know,” Hayashi said firmly. “She didn’t want us to know.”
Hayashi leaned back against the countertop and raised an eyebrow.
“So,” she began. “You want to save some of them, and kill the rest. What’s the plan for that?”
“I did not come to plan.”
“No,” Hayashi shot back. “You came to ask if you had our permission to save the assholes who kidnapped and tortured us.”
Monomoko remained silent. Their forgiveness was always at the forefront of its mind. How could it not be?
“Last time around,” it finally said. “The fire Watari set destroyed a lot of the facility. So much so that those in charge were sure that we would need a different location for the next game.”
“At least I died doing something, I guess,” she mumbled, eyes downcast. Yanagi gave her a concerned look, bumping his shoulder with hers. She straightened, and flashed him a quick smile.
Monomoko couldn’t get distracted by their interactions. Not now.
“The plan was to hold the next killing game in the lab facilities. The staff would exist in my plane of existence for the duration of the game.”
“Your WHAT?” Watari yelled.
“It is as I said. I can trap them in this plane.”
“And you didn’t do this in the first place why?” Hayashi grumbled.
“They are clever people,” Monomoko said slowly. “I have no way to coerce them into entering the plane. They must enter willingly. Additionally, those I want to save are unlikely to cooperate with this plan as they have been made reliant on Dr Kan’s care.”
“The guy who did the open heart surgery?” Takeshi asked.
“That is Dr Kan, yes. Hayashi, you are familiar."
Hayashi huffed and tightened her grip on her upper arms. Yanagi inched closer to her, his face fixed with sympathy.
“Then they’ll die either way, won’t they?" she said. "If he’s psychotic enough to do that then they’ll probably die in one of his experiments if they live and you do nothing. If he dies, they die of their conditions. Or, you kill them in the plane. Honestly, that one sounds the most painless anyway.”
Monomoko had previously considered this. But it had seen these lives. It had seen Erita tapping her finger along to the music playing at her desk, looking relaxed in a way she never had before. It had seen Zenjaku and Poemu celebrate together, laughing and inebriated. Flickers of Galahad’s confidence had returned, and Anna was always willing to entertain Monomoko. These were people.
Monomoko could not ignore their suffering. Not if it wanted to change.
“I don’t think Monomoko will do that,” Takeshi said slowly.
“Monomoko,” Yanagi said. “I do not know how you got mixed up in all this. I do not even remember how we got mixed up in all this, admittedly.” He laughed a little. “But we are going to help you just as you are helping us. It is only fair.”
Monomoko let the words, passionate as they were, slither into its worldview. It had not listened to the students last time. It had regarded their suffering, their thoughts, somewhat distantly.
“You do not remember,” it said slowly. The amnesia room. Of course they didn’t remember. Even now, launched back in time and reliving everything again, they didn’t remember their time at the facility pre-amnesia room. It was perfect.
“Uh, yeah,” Watari teased. “That’s what he just said.”
“You were all placed in the amnesia room before entering the killing game,” it informed them. Their faces were lax and pale with horror. It continued on. “It is reasonable to assume that those I want to save may be able to continue with their memories erased.”
“But what about their medical conditions? It’s not like they’ll just go away,” Hayashi shot back.
“They will not. But they will not know to specifically seek out Dr Kan. If another doctor can care for them, then I will be pleased. But they will not try to save Dr Kan.”
“So they just get off scott free?” Hayashi questioned, her voice getting tight with tension.
“If you saw their conditions, you would understand that this is not true. They are unable to escape just as you are. The ones in control of this project will be within my plane. If you would like to enact revenge, do it there.”
“How do I know you won’t just trap me there?”
“I suppose you won’t know that. I assure you, I do not plan to. Your assistance may be useful. There are a lot of them, and they have physically beaten me before. If I were to perish, the plane would perish also.”
“Right. Fine, then. Okazaki can come with me, she’s got her gun. Hopefully that’ll be enough.”
“Mai, I’m not sure!-”
“Not now, Shige. We’ll talk about it later.”
Monomoko hesitates. There is a part of its plan that it knows is upsetting.
“I need them to see that there is no future for this project here.”
It stared at Watari.
“You need my fire?” she asked, a devilish grin on her face. She dug her nails into her hands. They were shaking violently. Monomoko struggled to understand her, sometimes.
“I do. However, it must not be deemed destruction to school property. You have already avoided one punishment, Watari.”
“But the only reason it wasn’t destruction last time is because I was…y’know…”
Silence spread through the room.
“Hell no!” Yanagi growled. “You can’t seriously be suggesting that she sacrifice herself! That’s barbaric!”
“I am not suggesting that,” it said simply. “I am suggesting that she makes it look like she’s going to perish.”
—
What didn’t he remember? The same group of people who wanted to see him undressed, the same group of people who had used games to prod at his trauma, had him trapped for an unknown amount of time. And he remembered nothing.
“F-fuck,” he cried out. “N-Nakamigawa!”
He wasn’t here. Everyone had cleared out - the dinner was over. There were footsteps approaching. Ken looked up at him with wide eyes.
“T-Takeshi,” he greeted, his voice quiet and wobbly. “W-what’s wrong? Do you want me to go get Hiroaki?”
“Don’t leave.”
The words came out fast, less like a demand and more like pleading.
“I don’t remember,” he confessed. “When you made me drink last time…I don’t remember. I wasn’t there.”
“I…I know.”
“It scares me,” he said hollowly. “I-I’m so scared, Ken. I’m so…I’m so angry with you! I thought…I thought I could trust you.”
“I thought you might be,” Ken replied quietly, hands clasped in front of him. “I hurt you. I knew you trusted me and I took advantage of that.” He looked Takeshi in the eyes. “That…it wasn’t fair. None of what I did was fair.”
“Ken,” Takeshi cried. “What else don’t I remember? What else? I-”
It didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel real. He couldn’t stand the thought that none of this was real-
“If you like,” Ken began. “I can walk you through what happened when I made you drink. I don’t know if that would um…help, but if it does, I can.”
“Please.”
His voice cracked, and he tried to keep his breathing even. His world was calling to him again. If here wasn’t even real, then it wouldn’t matter, right?
Except, he felt so hurt. Ken had betrayed him. That was real, even if nothing else was.
“I waited until you were spaced out, obviously. During Chiba’s trial you and Hiroaki talked about what you did and didn’t remember during the investigation. He also always pulls you around everywhere, and said that you don’t respond to being shaken or hit when you were spaced out in one of the morning games. So, if you didn’t respond to physical stimuli, then I was fine to go ahead. Every time I approached you I prodded you to see if you would respond. You didn’t. I tested to see if you would react to the smell of rubbing alcohol before I administered it. You didn’t. From there it was um…fairly straightforward.”
“I didn’t respond…at all?”
Ken’s eyes strayed over to the right.
“You um…you gagged. I thought that meant I had been caught, but you didn’t come back. You didn’t even really react to the taste either even though it's…pretty notoriously unpleasant.”
Takeshi inhaled a shaky breath. It felt like he was cornered, trembling in his room as familiar footsteps approached. It felt like his door being unlocked. He swallowed.
“I…what’s wrong with me?”
Ken frowned, his expression sympathetic as he fidgeted.
“Um…I don’t want to overstep, but you have PTSD, right?”
“I…that’s what Monomoko said.”
“I, um, I’m pretty sure that’s part of it.”
“I-” he could feel himself pulling away. His world was right there, beckoning him upwards and away from his horrifically unfamiliar body. Bright, colourful melodies and patterns would comfort him if he just went away. If he just-
“Takeshi?” Ken asked.
“Huh?”
“I um…I want you to know I’m…I shouldn’t have…” he paused and tugged on his hair, his mouth thinning into a straight line.
“You hurt me, Ken. It hurts.”
His voice was ragged and high in a way he didn't recognise.
“I-I know," Ken said gently, his eyes downcast.
“You…you regret it, though?”
He opened his mouth, but only a strangled noise left him. He closed it, and nodded when the words failed to come.
“O-Okay," Takeshi whispered. "Okay."