Chapter Text
She could see him standing, holding the note like it would start talking to him.
Rumi waited until he turned the other way to perch on the barrier next to him, enjoyed the way he screamed when he saw her.
“You made me come all the way out here so you could jumpscare me?” It made her night.
“Follow me.” She didn’t look at him as she slid off the wall and started walking.
“Well, I’m glad you’re finally ready to talk. Although you could’ve picked somewhere nicer for a date.” What?
“Date? No, ew! What are you talking about?” She might actually throw up.
He held up the note that said save the date and she wanted to slap him.
“That doesn’t mean– you’re so old.” She grabbed the card from his hand and started walking again. “This is strictly a business meeting.”
“Okay, loud and clear.” There were only two people she wanted to go on a date with, and she couldn't. Not yet.
“What if I told you there's another way to get your freedom?”
“Go on.”
“Help us win the Idol Awards. Because when we win, the Honmoon will be sealed.” She jumped back onto the wall and felt the Honmoon ripple under her feet. “And that will guarantee your freedom. Gwi-ma will be permanently cut off, and all the demons will be gone from this world.”
The Honmoon looked so beautiful covering the city like a blanket.
“I will finally be free of these patterns. No more hiding. No more secrets. You can be on this side when the Honmoon is sealed. Away from the demon world, away from Gwi-Ma. You can be free from those voices forever.” She would seal it with or without his help. She had to.
“What makes you think the Honmoon can save a guy like me?” If it could save him, then it could save her. And she had to believe it could save her. It was the only thing keeping her going.
“A guy who tried to help his family? You made a mistake, Jinu.” He had tried his best.
“It’s not that simple.” It had to be.
“But I am a mistake.” His eyes snapped to her and she hated the way he was paying so much more attention to her words. “Have been since the moment I was born. So, I have to believe.” She had to. “Because if there’s no hope for you, what hope is there for me?” He didn’t answer.
“Bracelet, for your beautiful girlfriend.” She wished she had stayed home because why was a random woman saying they were dating?
“Oh, no, we’re not– she’s not my type.” Huh?
“Excuse me? I’m everyone’s type.” She wished she had stabbed him in the bathhouse when she had the chance.
“You can’t even show up on time!” Oh, that was his only argument?
“What, are you from the nineteen hundreds?” It was a low blow and they both knew it.
“I can see why you’re single.” Her patterns burned and she could feel the Honmoon sparking at her fingers, begging to be formed into a weapon. “See? We’d never work.” She didn’t want them to.
The woman just grabbed Rumi’s hand and pressed a bracelet into it.
“Here, free one. Go find yourself a better boy, this one’s hopeless.” Rumi would agree if it wasn’t what she was fighting to disprove.
“Well, there’s your answer. Hopeless.” And he seemed so damn smug about it and she hated it because she had to believe she could be saved. If not for herself then for Zoey and Mira who deserved so much better than what she was.
“That’s the funny thing about hope. Nobody else gets to decide if you feel it.” She held out the bracelet and hoped that he would take it. “That choice belongs to you.”
And he did.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a mistake.” But his words meant nothing to her because the people she loved didn’t know.
She left and felt hollow as she went to the stadium for practice.
It was a struggle. The choreo was amazing, perfectly put together by Mira. The lyrics flowed wonderfully and Zoey had done a great job making sure they made sense.
They were perfect. Rumi was the problem.
The words felt like acid in her throat. The moves felt like knives on her muscles.
Rumi hated fighting with them. Hated how alone it made her feel after. But she would die on this hill alone and afraid, bones shaking with pain.
It was worse when they argued before going against demons. It knocked them off balance, kept them from flowing like they always did. Especially when they kept arguing during the fight.
“Seriously, what is your problem?” Mira was yelling over the wind but she couldn’t answer honestly. Rumi hated herself. Hated her skin and the lies and the sounds she couldn’t keep buried.
“I told you, the song, it’s–” She couldn't sing it.
“I’m not talking about the song! I’m talking about you! ” Rumi almost lost her balance on the train car, almost wished she did. “Why are you questioning everything we stand for when we’re so close to sealing the Honmoon?” Because she didn’t want to leave them behind. “What are you not telling us, Rumi?”
“I–” She couldn’t say anything, couldn’t force the words from her throat when they were either lies or the final thing to destroy everything she tried so hard to keep from breaking.
“What are you hiding from us?” And Rumi snapped because she was tired and angry and so fucking alone . There was a hand on her shoulder and her patterns were crying at the pressing and she wanted to run away and never come back.
“Not everything is about your insecurities, Mira!” The words were out and she couldn’t take them back and maybe if she pushed hard enough Zoey and Mira would find solace in each other and give up on her like they should have so long ago. But she didn’t want them to and so she tried to claw the words back into her throat like it would undo what she had just done. “Mira, I didn’t mean…”
“Would you two stop fighting each other and look ?” Mira was hurt and Zoey was panicked and the Honmoon was ripping wider than they had ever seen before, demons flowing out like water from a broken dam.
“If you’re with us, prove it.” And Rumi hated that she had done so much damage that she had to prove herself to Mira but she had. She had hurt the woman she loved and she was a monster for it because all she could really think about was herself.
Zoey was launching off of demons and throwing blades through the air and Mira was their shield, protecting them from everything that dared to get close, but Rumi had to prove herself.
She slid under a broad swing from the gok-do and put herself in the front and threw herself at any demon she could. She had to prove she was worth something.
Mira and Zoey were taking out the demons that had crawled up the sides of the train but Rumi couldn’t turn to look when there were so many in front of her. So many that she had decided to face alone. (She deserved to be alone.)
Rumi felt the lyrics of Takedown in her bones and realized that maybe… maybe they were right. The demon in front of her was charging and maybe she didn't deserve to live.
Her sain-geom was too low to truly block the hit and she didn’t really care as she went flying.
Maybe if she died she would just be nothing. Not loved. Not free. Not burning.
Nothing.
But she hit the roof of the train rolling and got back up while Mira and Zoey took out the rest of the demons without her and she had never felt so useless.
Maybe she was.
“Whatever you think about the song, it doesn’t matter now. Everything is at stake, and we just need to get through this together.” Mira walked away and Zoey stared after her but didn’t move just yet.
“You know I’m always on your side, but it’s really hard to understand this time. We can’t win this without your voice, Rumi.” And then she followed Mira and Rumi was left standing in the station alone.
She hid in her room for the rest of the night and didn’t open the door when footsteps paused and shadows lingered.
She saw Jinu again the next day, pet his tiger and tried to act like she wasn’t about to break down.
“Okay, so I’ve been meaning to ask, why does the bird wear a tiny hat?” It was adorable and Zoey would love it but Zoey was mad at her and Rumi deserved it.
“I made it for the tiger, but the bird keeps taking it.” The bird smirked like it knew they were talking about it. It probably did. Mira would pretend to hate it and secretly make it a perch but Mira was cold stares and frigid touches and Rumi deserved it.
“So, about tomorrow, have you thought about my proposal?” The wall scratched her back where her hoodie rode up and she wished she could feel the stone against her shoulders instead of layer after layer of cloth.
“Look, I want to believe in your crazy plan, but I don’t think I’m the one to help you.” She hated it, hated that talking with him had loosened the grip the patterns had on her throat, but it had.
“Actually, you already have. I spent my whole life keeping this secret, this shame of what I am,
And the more I hid this shame the more it grew and grew until it started to destroy the one thing that gave me purpose: my voice. But since I’ve met you, and the more I talk to you, I don’t understand it, but somehow, my voice has healed.”
She wanted to tell Mira and Zoey, wanted them to be the ones freeing her from her shame, but she couldn't. If she lost them…
It would destroy her.
“I’ll make sure the Saja Boys lose tomorrow.” Good.
“Then we’ll both win.” And they would be free.
“Rumi, wait. I…” She paused, turned back to face him. “I can’t wait to see you on that stage tomorrow.”
She went home and didn’t answer.
The tiger carried her, used the Honmoon as stepping stones through the air like gravity was nothing more than a suggestion, and all Rumi could think about was that she always had to hide.
(“Maybe they’ll understand.”
“No, Rumi, Nothing can change until your patterns are gone.”)
She cried that night, alone in her room, and tried to pretend her patterns hadn’t gotten larger.