Archive of Our Own ^beta

Cole stared at the cream-colored envelope in his hands, the embossed address mocking him with its elegance. It had been years. Years since he’d last seen his father, heard his voice, felt the sting of his disappointment. Years he’d spent trying to bury the memories, to build a life free from the suffocating weight of his father’s expectations. And now, this. A letter.

He turned it over and over in his hands, the paper smooth and cool against his calloused fingers. He knew who it was from, of course. There was only one person in the world who would use such pretentious stationery, only one person who could make his stomach churn with a single piece of mail.

Lou Brookstone.

His father.

He hadn’t spoken to him since… well, since he’d become a ninja. Since he’d finally found a purpose, a family, a life that wasn’t dictated by the relentless pursuit of his father’s approval. He’d thought he was free. He’d hoped he was free.

But the past, it seemed, had a way of clawing its way back.

He glanced up, catching Kai’s eye across the training yard. The fire ninja was practicing his katas, his movements fluid and precise, the flames dancing around his hands like living things. He looked so… untroubled. So at peace.

Cole envied him.

He tucked the letter into his pocket, the crisp paper a sharp reminder against his thigh. He’d deal with it later. He had training to do, a city to protect, a life to live. He wouldn’t let his father’s ghost ruin another day.

But as he sparred with Zane, his movements were clumsy, his focus fractured. He kept seeing his father’s face, hearing his voice, feeling the familiar sting of inadequacy. He missed a block, and Zane’s training sword connected with his arm, sending a jolt of pain through him.

“Cole, are you alright?” Zane asked, his voice laced with concern.

“Fine,” Cole muttered, rubbing his arm. “Just… distracted.”

“Perhaps you should take a break,” Zane suggested. “You seem… agitated.”

Cole knew Zane was right, but he didn’t want to stop. He wanted to push himself, to exhaust himself, to drown out the voices in his head. But he also knew that he was a liability to the team in this state.

With a sigh, he relented. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

He walked towards the edge of the training yard, away from the others, and pulled the letter from his pocket. He hesitated for a moment, then tore it open.

The elegant script was instantly recognizable. It was his father’s handwriting, precise and controlled, just like everything else about him.

Cole,

It has been some time. I trust you are well.

I find myself in need of… assistance. I would like to meet with you as soon as possible to discuss a matter of some importance.

I will be at the Ninjago City Grand Hotel, in the lobby, at noon tomorrow. I expect you to be there.

Lou Brookstone

Cole crumpled the letter in his fist. Assistance? What kind of assistance could his father possibly need from him? And the tone… so cold, so demanding. As if he had any right to order Cole around after all these years.

He wanted to throw the letter into the fire, to pretend he’d never received it. But he knew he couldn’t. He knew that a part of him, a small, foolish, desperate part, still longed for his father’s approval.

He looked up again, and this time, Kai was watching him. He’d stopped training and was standing at the edge of the yard, his expression unreadable.

Cole knew he couldn’t hide this from him. He knew that Kai would see right through his masked facade.

He took a deep breath and walked towards him.

“Hey,” he said, trying to sound casual. “Got a minute?”

Kai nodded, his eyes still fixed on Cole’s face. “What’s up?”

Cole hesitated, then held out the crumpled letter. Kai took it, his brow furrowing as he read.

“Your dad?” he asked, his voice carefully neutral.

Cole nodded.

“He wants to see you?”

“Yeah,” Cole said. “Tomorrow. At some fancy hotel.”

Kai was silent for a moment, then handed the letter back. “Are you going to go?”

Cole shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in years. And it’s not like we exactly parted on good terms.”

Kai put a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s your call. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know,” Cole said. “But… I don’t know. Maybe I should hear him out. Maybe… maybe he’s changed.”

Kai raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. He knew better than to argue with Cole when he was in this kind of mood.

“Well,” Kai said finally, “if you do decide to go, I’ll go with you.”

Cole looked up, surprised. “You would?”

Kai grinned. “Of course. What are friends for? Besides, it’ll be fun. We can people-watch and make fun of all the rich people.”

Cole managed a weak smile. “Thanks, Kai. I appreciate it.”

He knew that Kai was just trying to lighten the mood, but it helped. It helped to know that he wouldn’t have to face his father alone.

That night, Cole barely slept. He tossed and turned in his bed, his mind racing with memories. Memories of his father’s harsh words, his impossible expectations, his constant disappointment.

He remembered the dance classes, the endless hours of practice, the pain in his muscles, the burning frustration. He remembered the times he’d messed up, the times he’d failed to meet his father’s standards, the times he’d been punished.

And he remembered the hunger.

His father had always been obsessed with discipline, with control. He believed that the body was a temple, and that it should be treated with the utmost respect. He also believed that food was a reward, something to be earned, not a right.

So, Cole had to earn his meals. He had to impress his father with his dancing, with his dedication, with his perfection. And most of the time, he failed.

He remembered the gnawing emptiness in his stomach, the weakness in his limbs, the constant dizziness. He remembered sneaking food from the kitchen, hiding it in his room, devouring it in secret, then feeling overwhelming guilt and shame.

He remembered the day he’d collapsed during a rehearsal, his body finally giving out under the strain. He’d woken up in a hospital bed, his father standing over him, his face a mask of anger and disappointment.

“You’re weak,” his father had said. “You’re a disgrace.”

That was the day Cole had decided he’d had enough. He couldn’t live like that anymore. He couldn’t live under his father’s control.

He ran away that night, leaving everything behind. He wandered for days, lost and alone, until he stumbled upon Wu’s monastery.

Wu had taken him in, given him a home, taught him the ways of the ninja. He’d helped him to heal, to find his strength, to forgive himself.

He’d also helped him with his eating disorder. He’d made sure that Cole ate regular meals, that he got enough rest, that he learned to respect his body. He’d taught him that food was not a reward, but a need, a source of nourishment and energy.

It had been a long and difficult process, but Cole had finally managed to overcome his eating disorder. He was healthy now, strong, confident.

But the memories still lingered, like ghosts in the back of his mind. And now, with his father’s letter, they were back in full force.

He finally drifted off to sleep just before dawn, his dreams filled with images of his father, of dance studios, of empty plates.

The next morning, he woke up feeling exhausted and anxious. He forced himself to eat breakfast, but he could barely swallow a few bites.

Kai found him in the training yard, staring blankly at the target dummies.

“Hey,” Kai said, his voice gentle. “You ready to do this?”

Cole took a deep breath. “As I’ll ever be, I guess.”

They drove to the Ninjago City Grand Hotel in Kai’s souped-up sports car, the ride tense and silent. Cole stared out the window, watching the city go by, his mind a whirlwind of emotions.

The hotel was even more opulent than he’d imagined. The lobby was vast and gleaming, filled with expensive furniture, crystal chandeliers, and impeccably dressed people.

Cole felt out of place in his simple ninja gi. He felt like everyone was staring at him, judging him.

He spotted his father sitting in a plush armchair near the entrance, reading a newspaper. He looked older than Cole remembered, his face more lined, his hair thinner. But he still had that same air of authority, that same aura of disapproval.

Cole’s heart pounded in his chest. He wanted to turn around and run, to escape back to the safety of the monastery.

But he couldn’t. He had to face this.

He took another deep breath and walked towards his father, Kai close behind him.

Lou looked up as they approached, his eyes narrowing slightly. He lowered his newspaper and regarded Cole with a cool, appraising gaze.

“Cole,” he said, his voice flat. “You came.”

“Yeah,” Cole said, trying to sound confident. “I got your letter.”

“And you brought… a friend?” Lou said, his eyes flicking to Kai.

“This is Kai,” Cole said. “He’s… he’s here for support.”

Lou raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. “Very well. Let’s get down to business.”

He gestured to the empty chairs opposite him. Cole and Kai sat down, their eyes fixed on Lou’s face.

“As I mentioned in my letter,” Lou said, “I find myself in need of assistance.”

“What kind of assistance?” Cole asked, his voice wary.

Lou sighed, as if he found the whole situation distasteful. “I’m in debt, Cole. Significant debt.”

Cole frowned. “Debt? How did that happen?” Last he remembered his father was a famous and very rich dancer.

“That’s not important,” Lou said dismissively. “What is important is that I need to pay it off, and I need to pay it off quickly.”

“And you think I can help you?” Cole asked, incredulous. “After all these years? After everything that’s happened?”

“You’re a ninja now, aren’t you?” Lou said, his voice laced with disdain. “You’re famous. You must have money.”

Cole’s anger flared. “So that’s what this is about? You just want my money?”

“I wouldn’t put it so crudely,” Lou said. “But yes, essentially. I need you to give me the money to pay off my debts.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” Cole challenged, his voice rising.

Lou’s eyes hardened. “Then you’ll be letting your own father down. You’ll be proving that you’re just as selfish and ungrateful as I always thought you were.”

Cole flinched as if he’d been struck. Those words, those accusations, were like a stab to his heart.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” Cole said, his voice trembling. “You’re still the same manipulative, controlling bastard you always were.”

Lou stood up, his face flushed with anger. “Watch your mouth, boy! You will not speak to me like that!”

“Why not?” Cole retorted, standing up as well. “It’s the truth, isn’t it? You never cared about me. You only cared about what I could do for you.”

“That’s not true!” Lou shouted. “I wanted you to be the best! I wanted you to succeed!”

“By starving me?” Cole yelled back, his voice cracking. “By making me feel like I was never good enough? By hitting me when I messed up?”

Lou’s hand shot out, and he slapped Cole across the face.

The force of the blow sent Cole staggering backward. He put a hand to his cheek, his eyes wide with shock and hurt.

Kai stepped forward, his fists clenched, his eyes blazing with fury. “Don’t you dare touch him!” he snarled.

“Stay out of this, boy!” Lou roared. “This is between me and my son!”

“No, it’s not!” Kai shouted. “It’s between you and your conscience! You’re a terrible father, and you don’t deserve to be anywhere near him!”

Lou glared at Kai, then turned back to Cole, his expression softening slightly. “Cole,” he said, his voice pleading. “Please. I need your help. I’m desperate.”

Cole looked at his father’s face, at the lines of worry and desperation etched into his skin. For a moment, he felt a flicker of sympathy.

But then he remembered the years of pain, the years of abuse, the years of feeling worthless. And the sympathy vanished.

“I’m not going to give you any money,” Cole said, his voice cold. “You need to take responsibility for your own actions.”

Lou’s face twisted with rage. “You’ll regret this, Cole! You’ll regret turning your back on your own father!”

“No,” Cole said. “I won’t. I regret not doing it sooner.”

He turned and stormed off, Kai following close behind. He didn’t look back.

They left the hotel and got back into Kai’s car, the silence thick and heavy. Cole stared out the window, his mind numb.

“You okay?” Kai asked softly.

Cole didn’t answer. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

Kai started the car and drove them back to the monastery, his expression grim.

When they arrived, Cole went straight to his room and slammed the door shut. 

He leaned against the door, his body shaking.

He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He couldn’t believe that his father was still the same awful person he’d always been.

He’d hoped, deep down, that maybe he’d changed. Maybe he’d learned from his mistakes. Maybe he’d finally realized how much he’d hurt Cole.

But he hadn’t. He was still just as selfish, just as manipulative, just as cruel.

Cole’s anger began to build, a hot, burning rage that threatened to consume him. He wanted to scream, to break things, to lash out at something, anything.

He picked up a book and hurled it across the room, sending it crashing into the window. He grabbed another one and threw it even harder, the force of the impact making his arm ache.

He continued to throw things, his rage growing with each broken object. He smashed lamps, overturned furniture, tore posters off the wall. He felt like he was losing control, like he was drowning in his own anger.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. He struggled against them, trying to break free, but they held him tight.

“Cole!” Kai’s voice cut through his rage. “Cole, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Cole continued to struggle, his body wracked with sobs. “Let me go!” he screamed with such integrity that broke Kai’s heart.

“No, you don’t,” Kai said, his voice firm but gentle. “You need to breathe. You need to calm down.”

He tightened his grip on Cole, holding him close. “It’s okay, buddy. I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Cole’s struggles gradually subsided. He leaned into Kai’s embrace, his body trembling.

“I hate him,” he whispered, his voice laced with tears. “I hate him so much.”

“I know,” Kai said softly. “I know you do.”

“He’s ruined my life,” Cole sobbed. “He’s made me feel like I’m worthless.”

“He hasn’t ruined your life, Cole,” Kai said, his voice firm. “You’re not worthless. You’re one of the strongest, most amazing people I know.”

He pulled back slightly and looked Cole in the eyes. “Don’t let him win. Don’t let him control you anymore. You’re better than that.”

Cole looked at Kai’s face, at the sincerity in his eyes, and felt a little hit lighter. Maybe Kai was right. Maybe he could overcome this. Maybe he could finally break free from his father’s grip.

He took a deep breath and let out a long, shuddering sigh. The anger began to dissipate, replaced by a deep, aching sadness.

He buried his face in Kai’s shoulder and began to cry, the tears flowing freely. He cried for the years of pain, for the years of abuse, for the years of feeling unloved.

Kai held him close, stroking his hair, whispering sweet nothings. He didn’t try to stop the tears. He knew that Cole needed to let it all out.

They stayed like that for a long time, Cole crying in Kai’s arms, Kai holding him tight, offering silent support.

Finally, the tears began to subside. Cole pulled back, his face red and swollen, his body exhausted.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse. 

Kai smiled gently. “Anytime, Cole. Always.”

He led Cole to the bed and sat him down, then went to the bathroom and returned with a wet cloth. He gently wiped Cole’s face, cleaning away the tears and the sweat.

“You want to talk about it?” Kai asked softly.

Cole hesitated, then nodded. He knew he needed to talk. He couldn’t keep all of this bottled up inside anymore.

He told Kai everything. He told him about his father’s harsh words, his impossible expectations, his constant disappointment. He told him about the dance classes, the endless hours of practice, the pain, the frustration. He told him about the hunger, the sneaking food, the guilt, the shame. He told him about the day he’d collapsed, about his father’s cruel words, about running away.

He told him everything, holding nothing back.

Kai listened patiently, without interrupting, without judging. He just listened, offering his support and understanding.

When Cole was finished, he felt a sense of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Thanks for listening,” he said, his voice weak.

“Of course,” Kai said. “That’s what I’m here for.”

He paused, then added, “You know, your dad’s a real piece of work.”

Cole managed a weak smile. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Seriously, though,” Kai said. “He doesn’t deserve you. You’re so much better than him.”

“I know,” Cole said. “I’m starting to realize that.”

“Good,” Kai said. “Because it’s true. You’re strong, you’re brave, you’re kind, you’re talented… you’re everything he’s not.”

He put a hand on Cole’s knee. “Don’t let somebody like him define you. That's your job.”

Cole looked at Kai’s face, at the warmth and sincerity in his eyes, and suddenly felt really grateful to have him. He wasn't exactly a father figure, but he was the next best thing, he wondered if Nya ever felt the same. He sure didn’t know what he would do without him.

“Thanks, Kai,” he said. “You’re a good friend.”

“A good friend? Please! I'm the bestest friend,” Kai said with a grin. Cole allowed a laugh to escape from his lips

He knew that it wouldn’t be easy. He knew that the memories would still linger, that the pain would still resurface from time to time.

But he also knew that he wasn’t alone. He had his friends, his family, who would always be there for him, no matter what.

And that, he realized, was enough