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Chapter Text

2014

Your mission would end today. It was a beautiful day in Puerto Rico with your partner Natasha, who also happened to be your mission partner; it was fun when things worked out like that. The pair of you had been awake for a while, working out in the hotel gym before enjoying some breakfast and an incredible shower that lasted at least an hour and a half. Even though you were there to work, there was no denying that you were both having the best time, and work was so much easier with her by your side. Scratch that, the whole world seemed so much easier with her by your side. Nat had just made the bed when she turned to look out of the balcony window, you joined her, loving the sight of the sun burning in the sky, over the crystal water that the hotel overlooked. As you wrapped your arms around her waist you were overcome with a sense of serenity, one you hoped would never leave you.

After today it would be two weeks in the sun and sea with your favourite person ever and there was nothing in the whole world that could stop th-

*ping*

Natasha grunted as her phone went off, interrupting your perfect moment together. You didn't recognise the notification sound but thought nothing of it, turning to the bed where you had laid out your clothes for the day. It dawned on you that you may have just jinxed away your holiday time and chuckled at the thought before addressing her.

"What is it now?" You tried to stay somewhat lighthearted, she was always so serious about everything.

"SHIELD..." Was all that she could muster.

You scoffed, attempting to conceal the genuine concern that was beginning to form in the pit of your stomach. "Well now I might just die of shock." You joked, feigning a dramatic collapse onto the bed before springing back up. A second later, your phone chimed with the same tone. You glanced at Natasha's unwavering focus on her phone before turning your attention to your own. It was an encrypted message, and unlike Natasha, you had to decrypt yours manually since your phone was for quote 'pensioners' but you liked its simplicity. Your eyes hardened when you saw the message that had shaken her so much, direct from Fury...

SHIELD COMPROMISED. HYDRA. CEASE ALL COMMUNICATION.

The air between the two of you suddenly became a lot denser, the look you now shared was severe, beyond tense, as an unspoken question now lingered in the room. Much to your surprise, the redhead is the first to break the silence.

"I trust you." And that's all she says but the two of you immediately relax.

After a long pause and a big breath, you reply "Let's get this mission finished and get home. They're gonna need us." Us. The Black Widow and the Reaper. There was no time for an emotional reaction right now, you had to stay all business. You would mourn the loss of the organisation you'd called home for the last fifteen years another time.

Your phone chimed again, you sighed heavily but went unnoticed by your girlfriend as she was clearly lost in thought. You knew this part would be the worst but that it was inevitable; looking down at your phone screen now made you feel...unsure. Unsure of everything. Everything you knew was about to be pulled out from underneath you. Hell, it had already been pulled and today, a random Tuesday in Puerto Rico with the Black Widow is to be the worst day of your life. It should've been one of the happiest. You turned to see Natasha now facing away from you, staring into the wardrobe, planning to prepare for the day's task while packing everything all at once, no doubt. You could tell she was panicking now, but she didn't say it. That was how it was for the two of you and you were okay with that. There was absolute trust even though you didn't share absolutely everything. You didn't have to.

*click*

Her posture stiffened as she heard the unmistakable cocking of a gun behind her. Your gun. Your Glock-17 that she had gifted you for your one year anniversary. She didn't turn around, only raised her hands slowly, intentionally and spoke with an eerily calm sort of rage.

"There's no way you think I'm Hydra." She began, head straight, body tense. "Which only really leaves one option." That part was shrouded in a tone of disappointment, above all else.

Despite the whirlwind of emotion straining your mind, you forced forward a smug bravado, an act. You couldn't afford to falter now, you had to be ruthless and so, you laughed.

"This is almost surreal. Too good to be true." A poisonous smile etched itself into your mouth as you laughed bitterly. "Знаменитая Черная Вдова." You spoke with spite - usually speaking in Russian was an endearment to the pair of you, but this...this was mockery, and it wasn't lost on the redhead before you. "Were you really so naive? So stupid?" You paused, the knife pushing in now "to think that anyone could truly love you." And there's the twist. There was a darkness to your words, a hatred she had never heard from you before and while she'd never admit it, for the first time in her life, she was afraid of you.

You. Her person. Her love. Her traitor.

"How could you?" She all but whispered.

You took a step forward, one hand snaking to hold her by the waist as you gritted your teeth.

"Like this." Was all the warning you gave before slamming the butt of the Glock into the base of her skull, knocking her out cold. As her vulnerable form collapsed to the ground, you were struck with a realisation: you were right...Your mission would end today. And so would begin, a treacherous brand new one.

---------------------------------------------------

When Natasha woke, hours had passed, and you were long gone.

Upon realising this, she began frantically searching the room - your clothes and files were gone, but you had left your gun... and phone. Smart. You always had been, as if the Black Widow would tolerate anything less but she knew you were even more. You were a fucking genius and that infuriated her, now it scared her too. She scanned your phone's lock screen, the picture of the two of you in front of Lake Como lighting up the now darkened room as she read your text notification:

AGENT 28, HAIL HYDRA.

*Subtle* she thought to herself, though she supposed now, they didn't have to be. You didn't have to be. She looked up from the device with a steely expression of determination. She made two promises to herself that day:

1. Her and the Avengers, her real family would hunt you down - all of Hydra too.
2. She would never, ever let herself fall in love again.

Chapter Text

Pale snow blankets the forest floor - pure and white, only to be stained, splattered with red. Blood. Blood spat from a mouth with a broken jaw or dripping from a split skull. The Avengers ravage through the Hydra soldiers surrounding the fortress where you had hidden yourself away for the past year and pose where applicable for any hidden cameras that might be shooting them from afar. They charged like a pack of wolves, tearing through your men like paper and all you could do was watch. Cooped up in the monitor room while eight armed guards paced behind you, the constant stomping of their boots was beginning to get on your nerves but you maintained a calm composure, face stoic as ever. Next to you was probably the closest thing you could have here to a friend: Grant Ward. The two of you had been through a lot together, for SHIELD and for Hydra, and now you worked together here; you, the head of the development division, and him, head of the enforcement division. Your position of power within the organisation was a bittersweet one. You got all the latest tech and toys and a huge team to do exactly what you tell them, but there would always be someone higher up calling your shots, pulling your strings. You knew that your success, your so-called 'freedom' was entirely conditional; even now, one misstep leads to a week long stint of tough love, to put it kindly. Your last error had landed you with three broken ribs, a broken nose, and few lashes across your bruised back. You'd never let any of them know that it got to you but you'd be lying if you said you couldn't quite meet Grant's eyes for a few days after he'd whipped you into unconsciousness. You forgave him, of course. It was his job - the head of enforcement after all.

Speaking of... Ward's eyes followed the action on the monitors in front of you with great intent. The astounding Captain America sped through the wood on his trusty motorcycle, star-spangled shield strapped to his back, mowing down masked men left and right. America's golden boy clad in red, white and blue - blonde hair and blue eyes, the peak of human physicality. Righteous, heroi-

"...total fucking pain in my ass!" Your friend exclaimed as he watched the raid go down. You hummed, but barely even registered most of his rant as your mind drifted to when Natasha had first told you about her friends, the Avengers...

-------- 3 Years Ago -----------

The moonlight seeped in through the thin curtains onto the bed, illuminating the skin on your legs, entwined with hers. You could see her shoulders slowly rising and falling as she breathed, laying on your chest, completely lax while you drew soothing circles with your nails her back; you were in absolute bliss. She'd just got back from New York when she told you to take two weeks off for a well-deserved holiday, and considering what you knew about the Chitauri invasion, you weren't about to argue.

"Why do I get the feeling you aren't going to sleep any time soon?" You chuckled softly as you broke the silence you had been sharing for a little over an hour. "It's almost two in the morning."

"Well you're not asleep either." She lifted her head to meet your gaze, a teasing glint in her soft green eyes.

"Wanna talk about it yet?" You asked even though you were pretty sure your advanced clearance meant you knew more details about the battle of New York than even she did. But it wasn't about the facts of it, it was about how she felt. Usually you wouldn't pry but this felt like such a colossal thing for her - monsters and madness and nothing she'd even been prepared to face. Hell, even her own teammates had been at odds with one another for the majority of their time together and if it hadn't been for her, a few of them wouldn't have made it back in one piece.

She sighed, placing her head back down. You watched her gorgeous red hair drape itself over your bare chest, tickling your sensitive skin. "I'd already seen so much of the darkness that the world had to offer. I didn't think aliens would be a stretch..." Her breath hitched ever so slightly before she continued "...and I was right... having to face my own team...having to face Clint, God. We've sparred before but even just having to bash his head in made me feel..." She trailed off, and you knew which word she was thinking of so you tried to take some initiative with it.

"Natalia." Your voice was the perfect blend of soft and stern, like you were full of love but needed her to believe what you were about to say. "You are not a monster. You never have been and you never will be."

"You don't know what will be." She said with a hint of exasperation.

"But I know you." There was such a finality to it, she didn't even reply. "My detka." You whispered as you placed a tender kiss to the crown of her head. And that's when it started, for only the second time since you'd known her, she cried.

"Every time I feel like I've come to terms with my past, something new and awful comes along to sweep me under again, dragging me into my past." She tried to slow her breathing between sentences but she couldn't conceal that she might be going into full-on breakdown mode. Which may just be a small cry for her but is about the equivalent of screaming and rolling on the floor for a regular person. "Some new awful perspective of myself, giving me a million new reasons to hate myself that I can either succumb to them or have to fight tooth and nail to overcome them all again." Her breathing is becoming laboured now and she sits up to clutch her chest. You sit up with her, stroking her back with one hand and whispering in her ear soft reassurances. "Sometimes I just wish I could give into it, just let it drag me under..." She doesn't finish the thought but you don't need her to.

"Oh my love." You cup her face with your free hand, wiping her tears with your thumb, disregarding just how futile it is as the flow doesn't cease. "I can't promise you no more bad days and no more bad guys." You tug at her face ever so slightly to get her to look at you, which she does. "But I can promise to be the good on your bad days...every damn time." You say it with such sincerity and she sighs, resting her forehead against yours. You place her hand on your chest and place yours on hers at the same time, allowing her to feel not just your heartbeat, but just feel you, that you're really there and not leaving.

When the tears subside and her voice is a croaky, choked up sound, she speaks again "You know it's funny..." She pulls back her head to look at you once again. "You'd like Capt- Steve." She chuckled for a moment "He didn't want to be called Captain when we weren't actually in the field, if at all. But yeah, you'd like him." You quirked a brow at her and she must've clocked it because she felt the need to carry on explaining. "He's got that soft kind of optimism, even though he's got his own ghosts. And he's kinda gorgeous so you definitely have that in common." That gets you to laugh, which makes her smile in turn, and you sigh looking at her - even when she's crying she's just so beautiful.

"Oh he's gorgeous is he? Trying to make me jealous?" You ask as you snake an arm around her waist, holding her close to you. "Tell me more about them, please." This is the first time she might have a semi-permanent assignment with you so you are admittedly more than a little curious about who she's gonna be spending all her time with.

She laughs at your feigned jealousy but does as you ask "Well there's Tony Stark, who you might have heard of. He's...incredulous, but a straight up genius and I'm sure if he'd drop the snarky act for more than two minutes we'd all learn just how soft he really is." She thinks for a second "Obviously you know Clint, but I have to say he really came into his element with this whole initiative. I knew he was a bit insecure about the bow and arrow thing being his niche, and what Loki did to him really screwed him up for a while, but he did what we were designed to do: Avenge...and he did it so well." You smiled at her, Clint was a good friend to both of you, but you knew the bond they shared transcended that, and you didn't mind. He'd gone back to the farm with Laura for a few weeks and Natasha was glad he'd be in safe hands while he recovered. "Oh and Doctor Banner...Bruce." She glanced down for a second in guilt, but quickly regained her composure "I shouldn't have brought him into the fight." Her tone was flat but she was practically radiating guilt.

"You followed your orders, Natasha. And if you hadn't, we would all be dead or enslaved." It wasn't a great response, but you weren't wrong.

"Still...He's another genius, but much more sensitive. Quiet, even, reserved. And then of course, there's the lightning god from outer space." She sounded like she was still coming to terms with that particular fact. "Thor is honestly a delight. He could've chosen to be a real dower ass given how responsible he felt for everything that happened but he was a great balance of funny and determined, and the way he locked horns with Tony was a real show every time. Though in fairness, Tony managed to do that with literally everyone, Avenger or not."

You laughed softly together, turning into a much more hearty chuckle when you jokingly tackled her down back onto the bed where you wrapped your arms around her tightly, laughing even more at her attempts to break free from your hold.

--------- Present Day -----------

You hadn't even noticed you were chewing your nailbeds - a nasty habit you'd had since childhood, but the only giveaway that you were anything other than cool, calm and collected. You glanced over at the two figures who had been lurking in the corner of the room since the raid began, giving them both the most reassuring smile you could muster...and it seemed to do the trick as they both returned your smile. The girl: Wanda, leant back against the wall, clearly thinking while her brother, Pietro was fidgeting, obviously anxious to run around like always. When you turned your attention back to the monitors, Ward's onslaught of Avengers themed insults continued. You remained stone-faced, the state of your nailbeds aside, you were the picture of stoicism. You decided to chip into the 'conversation' to avoid arousing suspicion from the man.

"Since Hydra came out of the shadows they've been relentless...especially Rogers with what was his friend's name?"

"James Barnes. Known to us as the Winter Soldier." He said with great depth, but didn't avert his gaze from the ever-unfolding action.

You shuddered at the mention of his codename - the front of your eyes bore the image of the Hulk tearing through your weapons silos, but behind your eyes were flashes of a metal arm around your throat, slamming into your ribs, playing over and over again. He had certainly been an effective enforcer during Hydra's quieter periods. You felt a good deal of sympathy for the man he had been before, and for Steve Rogers, to have been so close for so long only to be separated and without hope an-

No. Sympathy was not an emotion you could afford to feel, and you wouldn't. You had a reputation to uphold - they called you the Commander here for a reason; not a commander, THE Commander - a moniker you had earned through years of ruthlessness, both in SHIELD's shadow and in Hydra's open gaze. Even 'good' things you had done were concealed under the guise of Hydra's best interests, just like with the twi-

"Where are the twins." It was a question, yes, but an alarm in every other way. One that made every head in the room snap to the corner that you could've sworn they were just in. When no one says anything you spring into action, rising from your seat. "You four, with me." You motioned to the guards at one end of the room, voice calculated and commanding as you made your way up the winding staircase, up to the battlements. Through the gaps on the roof's stone walls you could see a blue streak darting around; *Pietro* you thought to yourself, in the back of your mind wondering where the other one had gotten to. Snapping back into the action when an explosion blazed in the near-distance - the Hulk had obliterated another silo, much to your chagrin. "We need those silos intact, Ward." Your voice cuts through the comms system like a knife "Either draw their fire or make a good enough distraction to stop it all together." Despite your position as head of development, you had seen your fair share of battle and as such, had gained quite the mind for strategy. You only wish you hadn't asked when you hear his response crackle in your ear.

"Target the weak ones." Weak ones. AKA humans wit no armour. While you would never be so foolish as to consider any of them weak, you knew who he meant: Natasha and Clint, maybe Steve at best, but you doubted it.

"We can't kill Avengers, Ward. The public have already gotten wind of the raid. We're on Channel 7 of the local news." You hoped your logic would deter anyone from paying attention to how desperate you clearly were for no one to hit Natasha.

Speaking of the redheaded devil, she zipped through Hydra agents and she may as well have been running through smoke with how easily she flipped them and slipped them and tripped them. Bullets and bites shot from her like snakes, spreading their venom as a flurry of men fell to the floor, motionless. She was fluid, graceful, elegant even. You hated to admit it but you had missed watching her. You had missed her. But there were more pressing matters coursing through your mind, so you decided to make a judgement call when you saw two men in the trees aiming for your ex-lover - but it killed a small part of you to do it.

"Barton is open. Non-fatal." Once the order left your lips, its undertaking was a blur, executed to perfection. Even from your high vantage point, you couldn't miss the pool of crimson starting to stain the pearly snow beneath Clint's body; you could make out Natasha hovering over him, trying to stop the bleeding and keep her best friend awake.

"One of you at each corner. Keep an eye on things. Observation only." At your words, the guards surrounding you moved instantly, rifles dropping to their sides, hanging from their shoulder straps. You headed back down the ladder to the monitor room where now only Ward remained.

"It doesn't look good, I'm sorry." He clearly meant it - knowing just how hard you'd worked for this place to become as advances as it was. He cautiously gathered his essentials from the desks scattered around the room. "And I'm sorry about the twins." He leaves out the part where he's sorry he'll have to brutally torture you for it, but you can figure that detail out for yourself. "A handful of higher-ups have been taken into SHIELD's custody - any ideas to get them back?" It's a good point: some of them are important people without which Hydra may falter, or on the other hand some of them could be cowards who would squeal with the tiniest amount of pressure. He looked up at you expectantly as he moved around, picking up one of the parachutes from under the armour rack and you realised he was going to fly our of here.

"I have a plan, don't worry." You were almost scarily calm, given the circumstances, but it was the truth - you did have a plan. "I'm gonna get myself caught." You didn't even blink before beginning to shut down the monitors and order a total drive wipe for every device in the building: months of research, gone. "Get yourself to the rendezvous spot in Italy, use safehouse 36, it should be vacant." You stood up straight and faced him before continuing. "The others and I should be no more than a week out, if it's more than ten days, move to plan bravo seven, understood?"

"Understood, Commander." He held his hand out to you, and you shook it. Ward was a complicated man, and he's be the first person to tell you that, but there had always been a silent understanding between the two of you. He had been the first, and only person through the years who understood how it felt to be torn between the duty to Hydra and the desire for the family you felt you had found in between. He released your hand, bolting up the ladder on the opposite end of the room, headed straight for the main hangar.

At that, you turned on your heel, walking toward the archway the room had in place of a door, with every intention of walking right into the thick of it. Since you were now alone, your thoughts finally had a chance to run wild through your head as you stalked the winding halls: you were anxious at the thought of surrendering yourself to the Avengers. You knew, however unlikely it was, that they could just kill you, especially a certain someone. But you couldn't decide if her killing you would be worse than having to confront her, see her and hear her voice. You wondered to yourself if she sounded the same. As you turned a corner, you started nervously brushing your hand through your hair, ignoring the crashes and booms occurring right outside; your mind only able to reel at the thought of how impossibly close she was, they all were.

Your combat boots got heavier with every step, the feeling of bile rising and falling in your throat with every breath made your chest ache. The echo of your steps pounded in your ears like a war drum, willing you into battle. When you turned another corner, the one leading to your laboratory, you stopped and gawked in stunned silence as you saw Wanda - sweet, gentle Wanda send a spark of red hot magic into the mind of one Tony Stark. You had heard so much about him, from Natasha, from the news, from your colleagues who both jested and envied at his intelligence. He's a narcissist, by all accounts, impulsive, but brilliant. And now completely at the mercy of someone with unimaginable abilities. God only knows what he might be subjected to if Wanda has unleashed her mind manipulation on him like you know she could. He wandered around the room, you could hear his breathing getting heavier with every sway and step, he looked so helpless and completely at the mercy of your...friend? Honestly you considered the twins to be like family, your people to protect, to look after. What had you done to her? Had you turned her into the kind of person to do this? You had no time to dwell on it because you heard the all too familiar click of a pistol behind your head.

"Don't move!" Her alarmed tone told you that she didn't know it was you, yet. You couldn't blame her, you supposed you did look a bit different, you had kept your hair much shorter. You gradually raised your hands as a morbid realisation hit you - so you decided to share it.

"Irony's a bitch, huh?" Your voice was changed, deeper, coarser. But still the same in its fundamentals.

"Y/n?" It was a question, but she knew it was you before your name even left her mouth, leaving a bad taste on her tongue.

Slowly, you turned, your gaze cast downward, avoiding meeting her eyes for as long as possible. All of a sudden, you are thrust back into the wall behind you, your head smashing against the stone and a snapping pain radiating from your shoulder down to your arm.

"You really think you get to do everything you did to me and not even look at me." There were so many layers to the emotion in her voice - hatred, betrayal, hurt. So, you raised your head, your eyes searching for hers for half a second before you found forest green blazing into you, burning a hole in your head. Your lips pressed themselves into a thin line, refusing to say anything. One of her hands is on your shoulder, firmly keeping you in place (not that you had any intention of moving), while the other hand points her gun at you. Her touch is all you can really register - no one had touched you since her, not in a way that wasn't a swift slap or punch. You were praying inside that she couldn't feel your heartrate increasing exponentially as you looked at her for the first time in eighteen months. She looked different, but the same - as you're sure, you did too. Her eyes were darker, more intense. Her face was sharper, framed by shorter hair than when you'd seen her last; it suited her. Usually you would scold yourself for getting caught up in studying her so intently but since you were going her way, maybe it wouldn't hurt to indulge yourself just this once.

The sound of Tony Stark's voice pulled you from your gawking "We have a surrenderer?" He questioned, eyeing you carefully. Natasha nodded slowly before replying.

"And a supersoldier, at that." Her gaze didn't leave you. Damn. You had hoped she wouldn't divulge your secret, not that she owed you that, or owed you anything for that matter.

"So...supersoldiers at Hydra usually just give up and let decidedly non-supersoldiers slam them up against a wall?" He wouldn't buy literally any explanation that the two of you could possibly come up with. When all else failed you, you decided to let the asshole facade overtake you, and so you shrugged, finally piping up the courage to speak.

"I have a thing for redheads." Your tone is flat but you wear a shit-eating grin on your face like its your favourite jumper. You glance at him - he looks a little offended, as you hoped he would, but also a little impressed; if by nothing else then your sheer audacity. At that, she takes her hand from your shoulder, her stare hardening impossibly and you swallow any other possible taunts, for now.

"Good news! This redhead has a cosy cell with your name on it at the compound." Stark spoke again, turning back to Natasha before nodding curtly. She turned her head to you after nodding back at Tony, flipping the gun swiftly in her hand and ramming it into the side of your head, watching you fall to the cold stone floor.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're barely conscious when Stark, now clad in his Iron Man armour, unceremoniously dumps you onto a cot on the floor of the quinjet. You vaguely register someone on the other side of you fastening your wrists and ankles to said cot. It's Natasha. Your eyes are't open and you don't move a muscle, but she knows you're awake - after all, a pistol whip to a supersoldier is really just a slap on the wrist; Natasha just wanted to get even.

"Grab me a tranquiliser please, Tony." And he does, you hear him crouch next to you, only to stand back up again, having done nothing to you. You slowly blink your eyes open, hating not knowing what's going on more than the blinding lights on the ceiling of the jet. You search as best you can without moving too much when your eyes land on the redhead above you, a small scowl adorning her perfect features, a tear comes to your eye at that. You chalk it up to the throbbing pain in your head, becoming determined not to let it fall. Things appear to take a turn when she reaches down to your head, gently pushing some of the hair from your face and back over the top of your head. Your brow furrows and when she clocks it, her eyes sharpen and the gentle stroke becomes a harsh tug to expose what she discovers to be a bruised neck. You look away from her and when you feel the familiar prick in the side of your neck, you just accept it, allowing the comfort of the abyss to consume you.

After a heavy beat of silence, it has to be the snarky scientist who pipes up first "Okay so I'm not the only one wondering what the hell is going on here, right?" He flaps his hand around, gesturing between the two of you while Steve walks into the space from the cockpit, getting off the phone as he does.

"Barton's back at the compound, he's safe with Doctor Cho and Banner so we should get going... but yeah, I'd kinda like to know what this is all about if you don't mind, Nat." He was a lot more awkward with it than Tony, but no less interested.

"Their name in Y/n L/n." The Black Widow spoke through gritted teeth, having avoided saying your name completely since before you ripped her heart right from her chest.

"Awesome...that means nothing to me." Stark deadpanned before grabbing her attention with another question "So who are they to you?"

"Well, we're sort of..." She sighed heavily, she knew she would have to come clean about everything eventually but it hurt so much to say it out loud again after all this time and all the pain your put her through. But she put her pride aside and finished her sentence, leaving the plane still in stunned silence, disbelief.

"...married."

Chapter Text

You awoke with a start as the door slammed shut - your body tried to jump up in surprise but your arms were taught, bound to your sides, with two thick bands on each arm securing you to one seriously uncomfortable steel chair. Damn, not even a steel table where you could at least lie down? They must want you to be uncomfortable; can't imagine why, though. You let that thought settle some more when you realise that your legs are also fastened to the chair. You weren't entirely convinced that you couldn't just break free if you really wanted to, but as was your plan, and as no one had come to realise yet, you were exactly where you wanted to be.

A quick scan of the sterile grey room reveals that you are alone, so you figured that the door slamming was someone leaving. The floor was dull, hard and cold looking...so at least it went well with the walls: Large white tiles streaked with scuff marks and dried blood. *Sanitary* you thought yourself. These walls had probably seen a lot of people like you, and even more people who were nothing like you: True believers, really sick, evil people and nasty bastards who were more than happy to scream and bleed and die in the name of their respective causes. And while you would die for Hydra, you certainly wouldn't be happy about it. Just before you could get lost in that disturbing thought, the door to your cage opened once again, revealing Clint Barton, Hawkeye, a man decidedly not recovering from a life-altering injury; something you would have to file under worry about later. That prospect was not quite as interesting as it was scary however, as you were now faced with Natasha's closest friend...with his full strength intact.

"How's it going, Clint?" You spoke casually, needing to maintain control; made all the easier by the fact that it wasn't Natasha standing before you. He remains harshly stoic and you wish your coolness had bothered him more under these circumstances. He took a few calculated steps toward you before WHAM! a swift backhand to the face which you had to admit, took you genuinely by surprise. So maybe you had gotten under his skin a little.

"Clearly better than you, y/n." He replied dryly before taking a breath and composing himself, adjusting his fingerless gloves. "Sorry about that. That was really unprofessional...but you absolutely deserved it." He looked back up at you, clearly now getting down to the business of your 'meeting'. "What was Hydra doing at the fort in Sokovia?" He placed a chair from the corner of the room in front of you backwards, sitting on it with his completely healed chest against the back rest.

Your face drew up a look of fake offence "Look, it may not be your idea of a holiday home but there's no need to ruin it for the rest of us. I quite like it." If he had to ask, then yours and Ward's system wipe was completely effective, thank God. So you weren't gonna budge. Maybe the twins pulling off a vanishing act was for the best, for now.

"And the two enhanced?" Jesus fuck what is he a mind reader?

"Enhanced?" You managed to fake surprise really well, you weren't about to play about the twins. No jokes. Barton looks like he doesn't know whether or not to believe you but he continues.

"And the Chitauri parts? And the sceptre?" You couldn't fake not knowing about that - you had after all been caught in the room where they were kept, having intentionally made your way there. But that didn't mean you had to tell him squat, you were more than content to just waste his and everyone else's time.

You shrugged "So what if the Baron had a unique approach to interior design? I was just visiting a friend in there, I swear on my life." Your voice was practically dripping with sarcasm "That's why I surrendered. I couldn't tell you a thing about Hydra's business in Sokovia." *I can do this all day* you thought to yourself. Clint, on the other hand, evidently had other plans. His face shifted, his eyes almost watering in clear frustration with your lack of co-operation, but his mouth twisted upward into a small, relaxed smirk. "Ok then, no shop talk, we can change the subject." He rested his chin atop the chair and stayed quiet for a moment.

You were unsure of what he had in mind , but didn't want to let your bravado slip now so you opened your mouth to suggest a few sarcastic topics of conversation when the Hawk beat you to the punch.

"Let's talk about Natasha." His expression was blank now, a calm fury lying beneath the veneer, and for the first time since you met the man, 12 years ago, you did not want to provoke him any further. However, you weren't prepared to talk about the aforementioned redhead either, so you sighed in defeat.

You leant forward as far as your circumstances would allow, the pull of your shoulders quickly turning into a sharp pain. "I'd like to speak to Fury, now." was all you said, before leaning back. Clint smirked, shame he wasn't about to take you seriously. "Sorry, let me rephrase..." He raised his eyebrows at that, expectant, waiting. "I'll only talk to Fury, now." And just like that, you shut your mouth, not prepared to say another word until you got what you asked for.

The infamous archer scoffed "You're in no position to be making that kind of demand - or any demand for that matter." He rose from his chair, swiveling it around so that it faced you, empty before turning on his heel and walking out.

You knew he was watching the whole time, though: Nick Fury. You were, after all, once one of his most trusted agents, right up there with Hill and Coulson. You had a feeling he would realistically come in to see you at some point, but you needed it to be sooner rather than later, so you decided to say one thing into the empty room. One thing that you were sure he couldn't ignore, and couldn't send someone else in to deal with.

"Priscilla Davis." You spoke clearly and with confidence. At the very least, you would see your favourite pirate cosplayer today; but nothing happened for around fifteen minutes and that was ok.

You were prepared to wait; and they certainly made you wait.

-------------------- 6 HOURS LATER ---------------------

6 Hours. You had been alone, deprived of any contact with anyone or anything for 6 hours. There was no clock in the room but ever since you were a child, your body clock had been seriously impressive. Nat had joked about how your body clock beat out even hers, always managing to wake up at 5:15 every morning for the past 20 years, without an alarm. Even though you were prepared to wait, you were seriously thirsty and tired and the throbbing in your head had slowly become all you could really think about.

The world came back into focus like a shot when the man himself walked into the room, not even turning around to close the door behind him. The second he had entered the room, the two of you had begun a mental chess match. You decided you had a smidge of explaining to do before you could get into what it was you wanted. "Don't worry. That name stays between just us girls, I just needed to get your attention."

"You succeeded." Oh shit, maybe you did push him a little too far because while his face wasn't saying much, his tone of voice could've just about killed you on the spot. "Now cut the bullshit. What do you want with my very limited attention?" He leant against the wall by the door, crossing his arms.

"I would like to leave now, and take my colleagues in the adjoining rooms with me." You said it as though it was the simplest, most obvious request anyone could make.

"You can't possibly think that's actually gonna happen, l/n." You hated that; no one called you by your surname anymore. Fury was close to laughing at your request, so you laid out your reasoning.

"Ok here's the thing. I know that you have no hard evidence from the fort that means you can legally be keeping any of us here. And while I know you don't work for the government, I have a sneaking suspicion the mutual contacts I have with your new council would be somewhat...disturbed at your lack of respect for our basic human rights." There was nothing to prove any of you had anything to do with Sokovia, so you knew he was maintaining your capture here through sheer nerve.

At that, his eye squinted at you, head tilting to one side, before gently pushing off the wall and walking over to your chair. You stiffened, having never been one for close quarters, least of all with the greatest shadow-man of all time. Fury was undeterred by your discomfort, leaning down in front of you. "I'm gonna make an educated guess here, y/n." He then leaned in to your ear to whisper something.

The agents watching the scene unfold through the monitors couldn't make out what he said to you, but they hardly needed a codebreaker to decipher what came next.

"Well then." Fury stood up straight, and smiled at you with...sympathy? "The look on your face tells me everything I need to know. I'll order your release immediately."
He swiveled around and walked nonchalantly to the door, ignoring the yells and insults you were hurtling at him as he did.

"Don't you fucking dare turn your back on me! You don't know a thing about me old man!! Fuck you, Nick!!!" And you went on and on even after he left the room, strolling into the monitor room and addressing the few agents that had gathered there.

"Arrange their release. All of them." He turned to see you still thrashing around in your chair, screaming into the silence words that no one could hear.

"What?!" Clint spoke up, outraged before he looked at Natasha, who had been silent the entire time.

"Not that my decisions require any sort of explanation to you, Agent Barton, but they're right - we have nothing concrete to keep them here with; the drive wipe was very thorough and Fitz hasn't been able to recover a single damn thing." He clearly didn't appreciate the questioning, but he understood both sides of the story now, in a way he hadn't before. Fury also looked over at the silent redhead, but unlike Clint, she met his gaze; her eyes burning into him with the same look of betrayal she had given you not two years ago. He sighed with sympathy for her. "One day, you'll know the full story...when the time is right." It applied to everyone, but they all knew he was talking to her.

You had won your chess game with Fury, but it had cost you some seriously vital pieces and now you were left with the painful reality that *he knew*.

No one met your eyes as you walked out of the interrogation room - some out of fear, but most distain. They hated you. Everyone knew about what had happened between you and Romanoff now, and while not everyone knew about your relationship, they knew enough to know that you well and truly sucked; and while their faces weren't looking at you, their disgust was far from disguised. You strutted through the compound, a smug smile plastered on your face; you could only hope that it masked the shame burning in your chest, knowing what they all thought of you. That's when you reached her, you could've felt her presence, made all the more unbearable by the fact that she was the only one looking at you. Her expression, unreadable as ever. But you knew better, you knew she was feeling a combustible concoction of betrayal and cold-blooded fury. Before you reached her, you found yourself flanked by your colleagues and superiors from Hydra; the ones you could see looked vaguely impressed that you had been able to get them released only a day after their capture.

There were eight of you just standing, waiting for someone to say or do something, everyone painfully aware of the dense hostility filling the already thick air, like smoke. That was, until Fury treaded up to you all.

"You'll all be flown to a destination of your choice by Agents Romanoff and Barton, by way of an apology for your temporary imprisonment here." That felt like an unnecessarily hurtful detail to inflict, but you couldn't tell if it was meant for you or the redhead whose eyes still bore into you like a red hot poker.

All of a sudden, all eyes were on you and your colleagues, but you couldn't falter in your bravado, not now, especially since everyone present knew of your reputation. With an audience like this, you felt that horrible urge to come out with something hurtful, but not overtly hostile - this was still a tense situation to be in. So, you took a few small, calculated steps toward her, not missing the way Clint instinctively tensed up at your movement. You stopped just short of the redhead, bowing your head slightly to meet her eyes and spoke, just loud enough for a few people to hear, but she knows it's just for her, really.

"After you...Mrs Romanoff." It's just a subtle enough jab that the reaction isn't loud or obvious She walks away in what you would equate to a sulk for a regular person, quickly shadowed by Barton. You smiled brightly at the upset you had caused, sharing the moment with the others, who all chuckled at your ability to twist the knife into the famous Black Widow.

"You know what." You actually jumped at the stern voice behind you - all of you did, having neglected to notice the rest of the Avengers standing there, looking pretty damn pissed off. Before you can even process what's being said the star spangled man with a plan finishes his thought. "We might just have to come with you." At that, everyone's posture tightened, discomfort -yes. Fear - also yes.

This was gonna be a fun 8 hours.

Chapter Text

There was one word and one word only that could best describe the situation you currently found yourself in.

Awkward.

Your ex (but legally still married) wife sitting across from you, eyes bearing into you, never leaving you, while her best friend flies you and your colleagues around like a glorified chauffeur. Oh, and her family of enhanced super humans are scattered around, chatting, keeping an eye on you, and generally intimidating you.

You had elected to sit on your own, while all of your co-workers sat together to talk. The two tactical rows of seats left few options but you were as alone as you could be. As mentioned, the redhead you had figured would just ignore you, chose to sit directly across from you, staring at you. For the entire flight. Which was arguably worse. Having to face her yesterday was undeniably dreadful, so you had been hoping for at least five minutes with which you could let the facade drop, and just feel like yourself for a moment. But alas, here you were, holding onto your composure with a vice grip. In the knowledge that if you let go, just slightly, you would end up hurling yourself into the abyss.

There was so much for you to think over now, highest on the list was the fact that Fury knew...everything. He hadn't told you that but from what he said, you knew he did. You don't just stumble on small details of that story; if you know one part, you know all.

But you weren't allowed to think about that right now, because your tired eyes and even more tired mind were busy bearing right back into Natasha's. You refused to look away from each other, but you could feel your concentration escaping you. This was all just starting to feel like too much - feelings you hadn't had to go through in years. So much so that the last time you had felt them, the redhead glaring at you with hate was the one you went to for comfort.

-------------- 7 YEARS AGO ----------------

Ardeche, France.

A truly beautiful place, even in October. The warm sun gently blanketed the town, heating up the smooth pebbles that cascaded down along the shore and into the running river. It was a quiet spot that nobody really knew about, making it an easy choice for a rendezvous for you and Natasha after being separated on your mission.

She had made it there almost immediately, but she hadn't seen you in at least an hour since your separation so against her better judgement, she began to worry. You both knew the protocol - 3 hours before you would need to be reported missing, and essentially disowned from SHIELD and the operation, abandoned. On a mission like this, the likelihood of you being released after capture was so insignificantly small it didn't even bear thinking about. You had been with Natasha for three years and even though that is a good while, the two of you had only just really let your guards down; having only said 'I love you' for the first time a few months ago. It made sense though. You were both spies with no experience of true intimacy, both terrified to expose yourselves like that, in fear of the other's reaction. Eventually however, neither of you could resist the pull toward one another. You wouldn't describe yourself as timid, but there was something in the redhead that brought out a shyness, a vulnerability you'd never before allowed yourself to feel. It seemed as though her ability to bring out the best in you was reflected in yourself, as you brought her out of the shell she'd secluded herself in following her defection to SHIELD, alongside Agent Barton.

One hour had passed, then two, then three, now bordering on four. She anxiously glanced at the time, painfully aware of the fact that she should've left you by now; the two red braids in her hair had become somewhat frayed by the heat, the natural bounce of her hair returning. Her leg restlessly bounced against the rocks she sat on, even tempted to start chewing at her fingernails - a nervous habit she was surprised to learn you both shared.

Despite her mind worrying and wandering, the second she heard the rustling of leaves behind her, she shot up, pistol drawn and pointed straight at...you. She sighed at you, hard, rolling her eyes at your complete lack of subtlety. You gave her a weak smile when she found your eyes.

"Jesus, baby." Her relieved voice still carried a vague Russian accent beneath the American exterior - you loved her voice, smooth like silk. "It's been hours. What happened? Are you okay?" She placed her gun its holster, taking some cautious steps toward your visibly shaking form.

"The girl." Your eyes were fixed onto the pebbles beneath her feet "That prisoner I found in the main office block." You clarified, voice threatening to break at at moment's notice. "They executed her...right in front of me." You took a deep shaky breath, trying to relieve some of the pressure that bore on your chest and shoulders.

"Oh, y/n." She took you in her arms. You weren't crying, or even really emoting at all, but you needed it, needed her. That black feeling of numbness happened sometimes; like a switch you could just flip when it all got too much.

"I couldn't save her." She knew where your mind was at - you'd spent an entire night once telling her about your sister. Only some details, but the one thing that definitely stuck with her was the way you had said you couldn't save her.

"We should get out of he-"

"No." You pulled away from her to face her. It wasn't a harsh tone, but a definitive one. "Not yet." you looked past her, to the water, now beginning to sparkle gently as the moonlight shone down onto it.

Neither of you said another word. You just sat together. You tucked your knees into your chest, placing your hands on them, then resting your chin atop. A small breeze brushed through your hair and you closed your eyes, both content in her company, while also trying not to drown in your own thoughts.

She placed her head on your shoulder slowly, not wanting to move too suddenly. She knew she was safe when you moved your head too, leaning slightly atop hers; the pair of you watching the moonlight reflect on the water like a thousand diamonds. You could hear the water running along the river, it was a soft rushing sound; the kind of sound you could fall asleep to. You wanted so badly to launch into the story of your sister, the full story, not just the bits and pieces you'd been forced to give her to maintain your cover. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip to get yourself to keep quiet, you closed your eyes again to regain control of your thoughts. You don't know how long you sat there in peace but the sky was much darker when you decided you were ready to speak again.

"I'm ready now." You spoke softly so as not to startle your girlfriend, but that was all you wanted to say, now only wanting to be enveloped in her comforting silence.

When you got back to the safehouse, you felt virtually catatonic - and you're sure you looked it too considering how Natasha kept nervously eyeing you. You just stood in the bedroom staring into the wall, only really able to hear the blood rushing in your ears. Clearly you missed something she said because she took your face in one hand, picking up the hem of your shirt with the other and raised her eyebrows, asking your permission. You nodded sluggishly at her request, allowing her to lift the shirt over your head; the sting in your shoulders as you lifted your arms drawing you out of your state slightly.

She led you into the bathroom where she had filled the tub with steaming, soapy water. You got in and sat down in the water without a second thought, the water stinging ever so slightly against your cool skin. The redhead shortly joined you, sliding behind you and pulling you back, flushed against her chest. There was nothing sexual about it, it was just loving and attentive. She made sure you were clean before letting herself relax, joining you in your silence. You weren't sure how long the two of you sat there but the water had cooled significantly by the time you felt your voice return to you.

"I'm not sure how to feel better." Your voice was coarse.

"In this line of work, missions like these are inevitable." She replied without missing a beat, like she'd been waiting for you to say that. Maybe she knows you too well. She ran her hand through your hair, the motion lulling your head back onto her shoulder.

"She looked like her." She figured as much. You probably wouldn't have reacted like this if there wasn't some kind of similarity.

"You can't save everyone, detka" She whispered into your ear, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple as she did so.

"But if I had just saved her..." You trailed off and for a second, Natasha was uncertain of whether you meant the girl tonight, or your sister. She settled on sister since she knew that you believed saving her meant never having to do and experience so many horrible things up until now.

"I have a sister." The admission surprised even herself, but she didn't regret it "When I killed Dreykov in my defection...I didn't go back for her. I abandoned her."

"Do you know where she is?" You asked, grateful not only that she had tried distracting you, but also that she was opening up about the one thing she had yet to talk about with you: her family.

"No...but I'd like to."

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while. Soaking each other in.

------------ PRESENT DAY --------------

A hand on your shoulder snapped you out of your unwitting dissociation. Your eyes flickered over to your right to see Natasha, now next to you, a smirk the only thing breaking away from her otherwise stoic expression.

"Where'd you go?" She removed her hand when she knew you were back in the room, but her voice was softer than you'd expect.

"Ardeche." Why lie? It didn't seem like any of the others could hear you - some of your co-workers were actually asleep...How long had you been stuck in your own head?

She looked down, a sadness of familiarity filling her eyes. "Was it fun? You were gone for almost two hours." That surprised you, you let your mask fall for just a moment as you addressed her.

"Natasha." You all but whispered, she heard it though. Her eyes found yours, practically begging you to continue as you looked at each other with such longing. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, though, you saw Tony Stark and Steve Rogers watching you, incredulous looks on their faces...and the moment's gone. Mask firmly back in place.

"I never knew you cared." You smirked - you also really fucking hated yourself. The redhead next to you sighed, unimpressed and frankly angry at the switch up. She was so sure what she'd just seen for a split second was a glimpse of the person she fell in love with.

"I did..." You weren't expecting a reply, but she wasn't done yet "...and look where it got me." She ran her hands over her legs before standing, walking over to join her teammates.

"We land in ten!" Clint yelled from the cockpit - waking everyone and sparking their attention.

While you would never say it out loud, you were so grateful for the few seconds you got with her, where it felt like just the two of you. And she looked at you the way she used to.