Chapter Text
The mailman stood helplessly breathless, steepled over his knees as he held up the thick envelope with a quivering arm.
“Here— huff— here ya’ go…” He panted. With his free hand, he swiped at the shiny layer of sweat on his forehead. “’s addressed to Link.”
They exchanged knowing glances, before Wild stepped forward and graciously accepted the letter with a tentative word of thanks. Not that the mailman heard it, anyways; as mysteriously and abruptly he’d appeared, he was gone again in the plume of dust left behind by his rapidly pumping legs. No doubt dashing back through some unseen and mysterious, swirling portal to yet another era of Hyrule.
Wild scrutinized the delivery: a single envelope, substantially girthier than the average letter. But it was indeed addressed to Link. Its backside was sealed with a crisp, thick wax, stamped with a delicate carving of the Hyrulean Royal Crest. The wax itself was a deep midnight blue, sparkling from the faint dusting of glitter sprinkled within the solidified material.
And on the front? Well, the brothers would recognize that ornate handwriting anywhere: long, sweeping strokes made by only the finest loftwing quill dipped in only the most luxuriously rich octorok ink.
“It’s from Wars!” Wild cried. His voice resonated with joy at the unexpected correspondence from their brother. Titters of anticipation broke out immediately as the chain scrambled to get a look. Wind barreled into the champion first; the rest were upon him within moments as well.
They’d been waiting what felt like an eternity for news from Skyloft. The last time they were on the island, just a few weeks ago, Peatrice was about ready to pop. The poor shopkeeper was so swollen and tired: ankles the size of tree trunks, and a belly that made it look like she had a gigantic hydromelon beneath her dress. Wars doted upon her literally hand and foot, giving her loving massages and painting her fingernails without so much as a peep. The newlyweds (if they could even be called that, a year into their marriage) were as in love as they had been on the day they met under, er, false pretenses in the bazaar. If not even more in love. It was so treacly sweet it gave Hyrule (even more) cavities and Legend heartburn.
Back then, when the next portal had materialized after scarcely a few days in the clouds, an unspoken agreement was reached with the captain and the chain. It would take a horde of charging bullbos to drag him away from his wife and their soon-to-arrive firstborn. And, although they feigned many tears as they disappeared into the murky curtain of the latest portal without him, the heroes were more than happy to leave Warriors behind. Call it… paternity leave.
The letter itself was five whole handwritten pages of parchment. Wild shuffled through them rapidly, scanning the pages for the word “baby.” Upon closer inspection, four of the sheets were filled with just exclamation points. But the champion didn’t have to look very far.
On the first page:
BABY GIRL!!!
On the second through fourth pages:
!!!!!!!
And on the final page:
Love,
(B)Link, Peatrice, & ???
Wild couldn’t help the delighted squeal that tore from his throat.
“PEATRICE HAD THE BABY!”
And in that moment, every monster in a 50 mile radius knew their exact location; but not a single one of the boys cared. The joy they felt in that moment obliterated their ever-present and overbearing anxiety. Jubilant whoops rang out like fireworks, equally as explosive. If this wasn’t cause for overwhelming celebration, the chain didn’t know what was.
They were all… uncles?
The sailor clamored up to piggyback Wild and see the proof for himself. In his overzealous thrashing, he nearly toppled the champion to the ground.
“BOY OR GIRL?! BOY OR GIRL?!” Wind babbled, hopping up and down with eyes afire. Secretly, he hoped for a little girl: one with a cute button nose, vibrant yellow hair in matching pigtails, feisty spirit, and a heart of pure gold… To have such a presence in his life again would ease all his homesickness indefinitely.
The conversation roared to life as the heroes suggested names (“Blink Jr.” was the frontrunner), argued about who would get to hold the baby first, that sort of thing. Legend gave a horribly shrill whistle to grab their scattered attention. Ears ringing at the high-pitched interruption, they scowled at the veteran.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Legend interjected. “First, who said ‘boy’ in the betting pool?” Legend interjected. Those who’d put rupees on a male heir to the Hero of Warriors made themselves known. He carefully counted the hands of Time, Twilight, Legend, and Sky.
Wild swept his finger across those four. “You all…” He began, purposefully drawing it out so the suspense would render them despondent with anticipation. Broad smiles were already dawning on those faces as they prepared to receive the news that they would all be 20 rupees richer.
“ARE WRONG! It’s a girl!” Wild crowed.
But those smiles didn’t fade, not even as they all plucked red gems from their wallets and handed them to the remaining brothers. No, they didn’t care one bit. Wars and Peatrice had a darling little daughter! And the chain had a… niece? Stepdaughter? Regardless of whatever she was to them legally, that itty bitty baby girl was everything to them emotionally.
Wind jumped up and down with such fervor that Time worried the sailor would cause an eruption on Death Mountain halfway across Hyrule. The kid continued to parrot “babygirlbabygirlbabygirl” over and over. His unbridled, juvenile overjoy was endearing, and Time found his thoughts drifting back to Malon at the ranch…
“Do you think she looks like Wars? Or Peatrice? Or both?” Hyrule mused.
“Can you even imagine what Wars looked like as a baby?” Sky replied, furrowing his brow in contemplation.
“Gee, thanks for that mental image, Feathers,” Legend sniped. “I’ll never get that outta my head.”
“M’self, I’m wund’rin if she gon’ have that funny lil’ beauty mark on ‘er face like ‘er mama,” Twilight said in an affectionate drawl. He was always the mushiest around children, be they Hylian kids or goat kids. The mere thought of her chubby, babbling cheeks and massive eyes made him melt.
Wind’s vivacious vibrations came to an abrupt end. He stood still for a moment, then began to groan and slump forward, totally despondent.
“Sailor?” Four prompted, pupils maroon and eyes wet with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s gonna be foreverrr before we get lucky enough to have a portal drop us on Skyloft!” He moaned. The beaming smile that had lit up his face minutes ago was now a fallen mask of disappointment. If Four wasn’t mistaken, there were a few teardrops perched on the kid’s lower lashes. “When are we ever going to get a chance to see her?!” Those last words grew into an all-consuming wail. Having been so rapidly bloodletted of all his elation, Wind deflated like an octo balloon.
And then, just then… so suddenly and conveniently that it was suspicious…
zuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm
The inky oblivion arch opened mere meters away. From its gaping maw droned a low hum and emanated an otherworldly power. The vantablack within undulated as magic rose and fell within like waves of a molasses sea. They couldn’t see what lay beyond that dark curtain, but they all knew.
Four’s blood ran cold, sweat and saliva both flowing like whitewater rapids at the thought of stepping through that thing.
Time turned to Wind, saw the sailor’s pupils blow into wide discs with wonder.
“Looks like you got your answer.”