Chapter Text
Chan was by Felix’ side when he woke up. Hyunjin couldn’t even manage that.
He rushed through the hospital hallways, past the receptionist to the door of his husband’s room. He froze there and watched silently.
Felix was laughing softly with Chan, Chan was petting his head. But the freckled man froze when he saw Hyunjin in the door, Chan turned to look.
“Jinnie”
“Please leave.” Chan opens his mouth to protest and Hyunjin knows the jealousy choking him is so wrong but…”Hyung, please.”
When they’re alone and the door is closed behind him, Hyunjin finds himself at a loss. He doesn’t know how to approach the man who had almost died because of who Hyunjin is. Felix hasn’t looked at him again and is still staring at the tubes keeping him hooked to the IV when he quietly mumbles something, voice low and soft.
“What?”
“Thank you…you didn’t have to…Chris told me…I’m really gratef—”
“Can you stop?”
Felix does stop talking, holding himself still, still refusing to lift his head.
“Felix…Felix…Yongbok…will you please look at me?!”
Felix’ brown eyes are wide as he startles into lifting his head and meeting Hyunjin’s eyes. It’s the exact look he gave Hyunjin when they realized he’d been shot. Hyunjin shouldn’t have raised his voice.
His self control breaks and in two long strides, he’s on the bed, carefully gathering the blonde man into his arms, holding as tight as he dares and sobs.
He lets out all the tears he hadn’t allowed himself in the past horrifying sleepless nights. It’s been three days since they returned from their ski trip via the resort’s medevac helicopter and waiting for his husband to wake up has been hell.
Felix’ hesitation doesn’t diminish the comforting warmth of his slender arms wrapping around Hyunjin’s ribs, soft small hands stroking up and down. No, it’s his words his empty reassurances that break Hyunjin’s heart. “Ssh, Hyunjinnie, it’s okay…whatever is wrong will be okay,” the soft voice whispers into his ear. “Ssh, let it out, let it all out it’s okay to cry.”
Hyunjin grabs him by the shoulders and pulls back enough to look the smaller man in the eyes. “‘Whatever is wrong?!’” he hisses. “‘You’re grateful??’ How can you be so cruel, Felix?”
Thick eyelashes flutter in confusion. “Hyunjin…I’m sorry I- I don’t…is it really worth it to stay married if it hurts you this much? You saved me, I’m sorry I thought you were abandoning me…I should have known you wouldn’t—”
“You…thought I was abandoning you? As you lay dying, your supposed final thoughts were…that I had what? Run off to feign ignorance? Free myself of our marriage?”
“I–”
“Felix, I would never abandon you”
“I know, you’re such a good person and I just assumed the worst…I’m sor–”
“Stop. Just stop. You’re not listening.” Hyunjin rakes his hands through his own hair. “I would never abandon you. I fucking love you, Felix.”
“I–you what?” Hyunjin turns to walk away, he can’t do this, how can Felix not know? A small hand holds on to his elbow, “Hyunjin-ah, wait…please”
Does the plea also take Felix back to that moment on the snow? Those desperate, frantic minutes that felt like hours during which terror had frozen his veins but panic had doubled the burn in his lungs as he sprinted for the hotel room, for help, for a heated blanket, anything that would save his beloved husband. His husband, who had lay there dying, thinking Hyunjin had abandoned him. Why did he think Hyunjin had bothered to slow the bleeding in the first place?
Hyunjin’s mind is spiraling, thoughts so loud Felix’ deep voice almost doesn’t cut through.
“I love you, too.”
He swivels around so fast his hair swishes into his eyes, but it doesn’t hurt compared to the sight of Felix. Crying silently as if he was still the child that wouldn’t be wanted if he made too much noise. We need therapy, Hyunjin thought, rushing forward to cup Felix’ freckled cheek. He brushed a tear away with his thumb.
“I did think you had left me, but I could still only think of you. The last thing I remember, I thought I’d died without telling you. But…you love me, too. How could I not have known?” Felix small hand comes up to rest on Hyunjin’s hand, still on his face. “I’m sorry it took me this long to realize, I’m a fool.”
“No, you’re my husband.” The soft kiss is salty. Hyunjin can still taste it on his lips as he whispers, “Til death do us part, right?”
“Right.”