Chapter Text
Juan wandered through the streets, only one thought in his mind. “Man, I want some tacos.” He missed his hometown, Mexico City. America’s tacos were just substandard- like their president and their FDA standards. So he did the only rational thing. He went home, got on his Pedromobile, a cheaper phone, and booked a flight.
He hopped on the plane and began to pedal. Tickets were 20% off if he powered the plane. After six hours, they hadn’t go far. He was pretty slow. And he was tired. He heard a deep, silky growl behind him. “Well, well, well,” The handsome stranger smirked. “What do we have here?”
He tried to speak, but he just stuttered, accent thicker than before. “I’m Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy. Most people just call me…” he flicked his white blond, knee length hair. “Luscious.”
Juan knew something, instantly. He was in love. Luscious would never like him though… He was so ugly. Dark, wavy hair and ocean blue eyes. Ug-lay! He found his voice again, laced
“I’m J-J-Juan,” he whispered, struck by Luscious’ beauty. “ Well. We’re going to have to change that. How about I call you mine?” he purred.
Juan stopped pedalling. He stood up, looking deep into Luscious’ mesmerizing grey orbs, like storm clouds. Luscious looked back in rapture. Juan looked at his lips, so pink and plump and moist and juicy, like a preggers woman. He wanted nothing more than to stick his tongue inside of them, to dance tongue to tongue.
“THE PLANE IS GOING DOWN!!!!” yelled a voice, dark and handsome. Luigi Malzone burst into the room, biceps glowing golden in the sunlight.
“What did you say?” yowled Luscious, looking lovingly at Luigi. Juan felt a sting of jealousy in his chest. Luscious was his. He walked toward Luscious, putting a possessive hand on Luscious’ slender chest. He felt a racing heart, knowing his beat in time.
Luigi took a step forward as well, seemingly in a trance. Juan didn’t see the look he gave, full of desire. They snuggled each other, like three newborn puppies whose eyes didn’t work yet. They kissed, all three, tongues battling for dominance. The blonde, mystical goddess stepped back, rejecting his lovers. “Luigi…” he chirped. “Why did you come here? After our past…”
Luigi smiled sadly. “I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried.” He paused. “And the plane is going down. You stopped pedalling.”
Juan was struck with anxious lightning . His lovers had distracted him from a fatal mission. The plane impacted the water with the force of a Taco-bell burrito hitting the ceramic throne. He tried desperately to force the pedal. It wouldn’t move.
A man came in, dressed in a rosy flushed ballgown. “ I am…” he began. “rIcHaRd jAsOn MaNnOiA”
The three were stunned. He took in the sight of them, lip locked and enjoying it. “terribly sorry to interrupt… this,” he mumbled. “but the plane is- has -crashed.” His voice was a fruity hum.
Luigi strode forward, glancing longingly at Juan. His voice was a deep, raspjejy murmur.
“We know. We don’t care… because we’re in love.”
The plane cockpit began to fill with water, and the three began a desperate, passionate embrace. Their schlongs rose like hot air balloons, jeans lifting. They danced, seeking oxygen in each others’ mouths. Then it ran out. They died. The end.