Archive of Our Own ^beta

If you asked Santana Lopez what she would be doing in her high school years, she would’ve never thought to say that she would be spending her time on Discord and Twitter waiting for her favorite streamers to go live and texting her online friends.

But here she was, 16 years old, skipping her online zoom classes to get on call with her best friend, Brittany.

Today was a particularly exciting day, as her matching hoodie with Brittany arrived. She quickly pulled out her phone to text her best friend.

tana <3
BRITT!!!! guess wat-
tubbritt
hai santana ! >.< whats up ?!
tana <3
the hoodie arrived EEE-
tubbritt
OMG O.O HOP ON VC? :P
tana <3 started a call

When Brittany joined the call, Santana heard a loud squeak coming from her phone. “TANA! Can I see it?” Brittany exclaimed, “I’ll get mine right now! Hold on–”

“Yeah! Hold on I’ll just–” She starts fumbling with her camera, trying to set it on her desk and turning it on. “Can you see me?”

“Yesss,” the blonde says, dragging out her S, “okay I’m wearing mine, unbox, unbox! Oh, I’ll update you on the new Bench trio stream!”

Santana carefully cuts the packaging open, trying not to damage the necklace or the box. She can’t help but smile as she hears Brittany excitedly ramble about the newest stream.

In all honesty, Santana has a bit of a crush on her best friend. As cliche as it sounds, Brittany was nice, and sweet, and she was the funniest person she’d ever talked to. Brittany was a ray of sunlight in the darkness of her room. She was her best friend, and despite being so far away from her, she truly felt like her and Brittany were connected to each other.

“Okay, I got it out. Oh my, I’m nervous.” She said, closing her eyes.

“C’monn, Tana! You can’t leave me hanging!” Brittany says while giggling. “I wanna see the other half.”

She finally pulls the hoodie out of the box, revealing a beige and black hoodie with a dinosaur design in the middle. She immediately puts it on, excitedly showing it off to her best friend.

“Tana, it’s gorgeous! We can totally do matching Halloween costumes this year.” Brittany squeals.

Santana blushes at the thought of that. Matching Halloween costumes. Brittany likes her enough to want to match with her— perhaps Santana should have hope of the blonde liking her back.

“Hey, Britt-”

“Wait, Santana! I forgot to tell you, me and Artie are dating!” Brittany says, and Santana can practically feel her heart shattering and dropping down to her stomach.

“Oh… That’s great, Britt! I’m really happy for you.” She says, trying to put on her best smile.

“Yeah– uh oh, my zoom teacher’s calling me. I’ll talk to you later?”

Santana nods, giving Brittany a thumbs up to the camera. As they leave the call, she feels tears welling up her eyes.

Brittany and Artie are dating. Brittany likes someone else. She’s taken.

Santana is absolutely heartbroken.

It could’ve been her– It should’ve been her! An online friend who was there for her, supported her, and listened to her talk? Santana perfectly fit that description. She did everything stupid Artie did, and possibly even more— were Artie and Brittany ever even that close in the server? They barely even talked! Did him and Britt ever fall asleep on call? Own a house together in their Minecraft server? Have matching hoodies?

It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t.

She flops onto her bed, hugging her hoodie as she sobs. She grabs her phone and presses shuffle on her Spotify playlist, and she hears the faint sound of guitar strums.

I still remember, third of December, me in your sweater
You said it looked better on me than it did you
Only if you knew how much I liked you

Santana cuddles closer into her hoodie as she sobs— she wishes she didn’t care so much. She wishes that she didn’t like Brittany, and that she could just be normal for once and not like girls.

She sobbed loudly into the fabric, and soon, her eyes felt heavy from tears as she drifted into sleep.

#vent-channel

tana wants a WHOPPA
// tw internalized homophobia

sometimes i wish i wasnt a lesbian :/ i just feel so alone and i wish i didnt have to like girls and worry if they find me weird or not.

i wish i didnt care so much about a stupid crush </3

It’s been exactly 1 week since Brittany and Artie started dating.

It started when they changed their profile pictures on Discord to a matching photo of Karl and Sapnap. After that, they started openly flirting in chats and changing their bios to the lyrics of Heat Waves.

At first, Santana tried really, really hard not to be so disgusted by their relationship. Personally, she doesn’t hate Artie— he’s nice and he can be cool at times— but seeing him with Brittany just made her so angry.

But after a few days, she’d had enough of their disgusting flirting. She started to reply to their flirting with snarky comments, started putting sad songs in her Discord status and started ignoring Artie.

Slowly, her friendship with Brittany started to fade, and she started to hang out with Quinn and Kurt more— anyone to distract her mind from her aching feelings towards her friend.

But eventually, Brittany caught on to her ignorance. She noticed how Santana was always leaving offhand comments to Artie, and how she and her best friend never called anymore.

Brittany’s had enough. She misses her best friend, she misses calling with her and her laughter. So, she decided to resolve it once and for all.

tubbritt
tana whas going on with us :/
tana <3
wut-
wdym britt nothings wrong
tubbritt
uve been ignoring me !!! :<
ever since i started dating art u havent rlly spoken 2 me </3
tana <3
ive been busy sorry </3
tubbritt
tana no ur not :/ pls talk 2 me
i miss my best friend
did i do something wrong pls dont ignore me-
tana <3
well idk britt did u
u kind of blew me off ever since u dated that guy
we dont even play mc together anymore
u always spend time with him now
i just feel so alone :/
tubbritt
im sorry tana
i really didnt mean to make you so upset
tana <3
i know and that makes it worse britt
you dont notice that ur best friend is really upset
i really really like you and i keep seeing you hang out and spend time with him
and it just breaks my heart britt
tubbritt
wait you like me- ?
tana <3
is it not super obvious :/
tubbritt
so you were talking about me in the vent channel?
tana <3
duh
tubbritt
tana this is all just really confusing for me
im sorry
i still wanna be best friends because i love you and our friendship
but im dating artie
tana <3
i knew i shouldnt have said that
its fine
i need to go
tubbritt
tana wait just talk to me
santana
sans

Santana made a huge mistake.

She didn’t mean to ruin her friendship with her best friend. It was just so in the moment— maybe she’d confess back? Maybe she would change her mind about Artie and be with her instead? Maybe all along this was just a stupid ploy to make her jealous?

She was so tired and confused and mad at herself and just exhausted.

All she wanted to do was sob.

She grabbed her hoodie— her matching hoodie with her best friend (could she even call them best friends anymore?)— and threw it angrily to the wall. Her eyes blurred and hot tears started falling down her cheeks.

She sat down on the edge of her bed, grabbing the nearest pillow, hugging it and started sobbing.

She could hear her phone blowing up with notifications from Brittany, but ultimately, it didn’t matter. Her friendship with the blonde was ruined for good.

She lied down and turned her phone on again, turning on ‘do not disturb’ to ignore her friend’s frantic texts and opened Spotify.

Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart
Baby, bang it up inside

Her sobs echoed through her room, and she clutched her pillow closer to her, trying to fall asleep, hoping, praying that this was all just a horrible nightmare.

Baby, when I close my eyes
I know who you pretend I am
I know who you pretend I am

i really really like you

That was a sentence that kept looping in Brittany’s head.

Santana likes her. Her best friend, Santana, whom she met on Discord likes her.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about this.

The worst part is she can’t even reach her best friend to talk to her. She hasn’t been online in days, and her absence was so apparent to the point where she wasn’t the only one who noticed.

She’s received countless texts and questions from her friends, to the point where it started to get a bit annoying. She didn’t know where Santana was, and them asking her felt like rubbing salt in a very fresh, open wound.

k ^_^
hey britt have u seen tana? 
she hasnt been online in days and she has my netherite-
tubbritt
no sorry :( she hasnt texted me !
k ^_^
strange indeed, ty britt

Brittany missed her so much.

The one good thing was that she had time to process her feelings towards Santana.

She loved her friend, of course she did, but perhaps there’s always been something more between them. Brittany wouldn’t imagine sleeping on call with anyone else, and she wouldn’t ever have matching hoodies with anyone, not even Artie.

But she was confused, as on the other hand, she also loved Artie. He was nice and funny, and they got along very well. He was also a good boyfriend, as he gave her nitro and subs for her favorite streamers.

But he wasn’t Santana.

Should she break up with him? It wasn’t like she didn’t like him, but she also really really liked Santana. What if this makes it awkward between everyone in the server? She didn’t want to risk tearing apart such a lovely friend group.

So, she decided to text the best person she knew for relationship advice.

tubbritt
kurt can i vent to u for a sec ?
k ^_^
ya sure
r u okay? :(
tubbritt
yeah just relationship problems- 
k ^_^
oh no
is artie not treating u well
tubbritt
no no thats not it
have u ever liked two people at the same time
one of them being a girl and one a boy
k ^_^
not really im gay
sorry- SKSKSKJDKA
but why what happened
tubbritt
// tw 
idk what to do because tana told me she liked me the other day 
bad thing is i think i like her too
but im also dating artie and i still like him
i dont know if i wanna break up with art
but i dont want to keep my feelings for tana inside
k ^_^
oh britt im so sorry
is that why shes been ia
i think that its best if you communicate with artie first
has santana been answering ur dms?
if not i could text her
but u should talk it out with artie first
then u guys can decide whats best
tubbritt
thank you kurt :(
k ^_^
of course <3
im here if u need advice 
good luck <3

Brittany let out a shaky sigh as she clicked on Artie’s text messages.

She could do this. 

tubbritt
art im not sure i can do this anymore :<
artie 
huh-
what r u talking abt
tubbritt
i think we need to break up
artie
what
why britt? :(
we were just fine yesterday
tubbritt
i just need some time alone
i hope thats okay
artie
yes ofc but where is this all coming from
can u at least tell me y
tubbritt
i like someone else
but i also still like you
and its really confusing for me
im so sorry artie
artie
the person u like
is it tana
tubbritt
yeah </3
im sorry artie
this is why i need time alone
was it really that obvious its tana ? 
artie
god brittany
of course it is
youre always doing stuff with her
you have matching hoodies it her britt
tubbritt 
shes my best friend :T
thats not fair to say
also we have matching pfps
artie
shes been so rude to me havent u noticed
if you like her then chances are she probably likes you back
not to mention you guys are so flirty
i shouldve known
tubbritt
that doesnt count shes my best friend
artie
yes it does
god brittany why r u so stupid

Brittany’s lips quivered. 

Artie just called her stupid.

Did this make her a bad girlfriend? Her feelings are just all over the place right now, why couldn’t he just understand?

tubbritt
you were the only guy who never called me that :(

The blonde clicked off Artie’s messages tab and stared blankly into the corner of her room.

Stupid? How could he do that to her?

Didn’t he know she wasn’t fond of that word? She’s been bullied for being ‘stupid’ all her life!

Her shoulders started to shake as hot tears fell down her cheeks.

tubbritt
he called me stupid :/
i think its over
k ^_^
WHAT!!!!
that
is
HORRIBLE of him!!!!!!!!!
do u want me to deal with it?
tubbritt
if u want </3
be nice

Santana’s been offline everywhere for 5 days.

It was hard, not retweeting about fanart, not live tweeting about streams, not talking to anyone.

But she made it work.

In all honesty, she missed her friends. She missed playing Minecraft with them, missed the sweet sound of Kurt’s screams every time she stole something from his chests. She missed calling with Finn, Tina and Mercedes and doing karaoke or simply talking.

She missed everyone.

Of course, there’s been one person she couldn’t stop missing.

She can’t believe she ever thought that spending time away from the blonde would maybe make them drift apart.

If anything, she only missed Brittany even more. She misses her laughter in calls, and the way you can practically hear her smile every time she talks. She misses playing Roblox and Minecraft with her.

She just missed Brittany.

Her nosiness got the best of her, and after five (extremely) difficult days of ignoring everyone, she hopped on Discord.

What she found wasn’t particularly what she’d hoped for, but it was intriguing nonetheless.


#general-chat

kurt jacobs real
// tw ableist language

@skephalo #1 fan did you call brittany stupid??? whats wrong with you
tuna shark >:)
W H A T -
minecedes
disappointing.
     |  reply to:  kurt jacobs real
     |  // tw ableist language…
skephalo #1 fan
??
why am i being aired out ?
kurt jacobs real
can you address why you decided to call brittany st^pid for dealing with her own problems?
skephalo #1 fan
she broke up with me because she liked someone else
kurt jacobs real
yeah and thats better than cheating.
shes dealing with smth difficult can you at least empathize?
skephalo #1 fan
well im sorry i didnt mean it like that
i just got broken up with :/
kurt jacobs real
what a disappointing apology.
dont apologize to me do it to brittany
rachel (owner <3)
Artie this is such disappointing behavior from you.
I’m going to ban you from this server until you can learn your mistakes and apologise.
I’ll spare you a thread on Twitter, however what you did to Brittany was so wrong. We don’t tolerate hatred in this server and you should know this by now.


They broke up.
Artie and Brittany broke up.

A part of Santana feels bad for them— they’d only been dating for 2 weeks after all— but another part of her wanted to laugh.

What a short-lived relationship. Of course they broke up. She knew they would, Brittany was too good for Artie anyway.

But another part of the whole argument caught her eye.

Brittany likes someone else.

Santana let out a sad sigh. She wouldn’t cry anymore, not over something that’s supposed to be as small as a crush. But, that didn’t stop her from feeling quite disappointed.

The noise of a notification filled her silent room.

tubbritt
i can see you
talk to me pls </3

She hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether to respond or to ignore. 

tubbritt 
idk how to get ur attention
aaaAAAA
plssssss tana :(

tana <3
hi britt
tubbritt
TANA !!!!!!!
i missed you :(
tana <3
i missed u too </3
im sorry i ignored u
i shouldnt have done that
i still wanna be friends and im sorry we fought
and the other thing
we could ignore the previous convo :/
tubbritt
no tana
have u read chat
tana <3
u mean server chat?
yah why-
tubbritt
the real reason why i broke up with artie was because of my feelings for u
tana <3 
h u h
wdym by that
tubbritt
i think i like you too
but id prefer just to be alone right now
but if you still feel the same when im ready, id love to be more than friends :) <3
tana <3
of course britt
ill wait forever

A few weeks later, Brittany eventually mustered up the courage to ask Santana to be her girlfriend. To no one’s surprise, Santana agreed instantly.

Right after they ‘officially’ became girlfriends, they decided to hard launch their news to the server.

tubbritt
guysushu
tuna fish >:)
wat
tubbritt
me and @tana wants a WHOPPA r officially girlfrieeeendss <33
tuna fish >:)
OH MY CONGRATS MY LOVELIESSS
finn
wait werent you guys dating the whole time?
rachel (owner <3)
I am so happy and proud of you guys! Thank you for telling us and we wish you the best!
kurt jacobs real
its been a long time coming…
minecedes
OHHH MY GIRLSS CONGRATSS
finn
guys answer me
sugar pro builder
#mymoms 
quinnie
congrats loveliess <33
me and @rachel <3 (owner) soon ?

Santana smiled as she read through the texts. 

She couldn’t be more grateful for such an amazing group of friends who were all so supportive and kind.

Most of all, she couldn’t be more thankful for the best, most amazing girlfriend in the entire universe.

That night, as she went to bed, Santana turned on Spotify and clicked shuffle on her playlist. As she hears the sound of the guitar playing, she couldn’t help but smile as she closed her eyes

But when she loves me I feel like I'm floating
When she calls me pretty I feel like somebody
Even when we fade eventually to nothing
You will always be my favorite form of loving