Chapter Text
Remus liked Hogwarts. Compared to his last school, where he was a hated freak, Remus felt like he could live at peace here. That added to the incredible people he had befriended: James, Peter, the girls, and Sirius. Maybe the best part was seeing Sirius everyday actually.
However, one of Remus' favorite things about Hogwarts was Lily Evans. She was the first girl he ever befriended, and the first person that had been nice to him when he first arrived. Except for Sirius. But Sirius knew him from before.
Lily Evans was comfort, and warmness. Her smile was contaigous and she talked a lot which was convenient for Remus because he loved listening to her rant about stuff. The girl was good. She had that motherly nature of her, always pendant of others, taking care of others.
Lily Evans was constantly on a good mood. Except for the times James drove her crazy, but she never got actually mad or sad.
Tonight was the first time Remus saw Lily lost her glow when they were walking together, laughing about something, and Snape got out of the shadows demanding to speak with her.
"Lily, can I please talk to you?"
He seemed desperate. The greasy boy didn't even say hello to Lily, worse Remus. He just approached with a clear objective in his mind. He seemed so out of his self with red bloody eyes and pale complextion that he looked scary.
Remus noticed immediately how Lily's smile was erased from her face, and she went white as the wall behind her. Remus noticed her discomfort right away.
"What do you want, Severus?" Lily asked looking everywhere but him.
"I won't say a word with..." Remus saw Snape visibly swallowing his disgust "...Lupin here"
Remus had hidden part of his identity to mantain his experience at Hogwarts as normal as possible. Most teachers knew unfortunately because Remus hadn't still changed his document. Although Remus had no idea how Snape found out that he was trans.
The Slytherin knew about Remus' past and his story with Sirius' family, he knew about his dead mum, and the fact that Lyall barely had money for both of them, he even knew his dead name and sometimes used it against him. Snape made Remus' life hell when they bumped in the hallways and nobody was around. Snape was mean, cruel and basically a biggot.
Now with affirming therapy, Remus' disphoria was getting better. Except for those moments in which Snape reminded him how different he was, the large gap there was between him and cis boys and how much of a freak he actually was.
Remus had afronted Snape's bullying with patience. He hadn't told anyone about it. He knew Snape was just angry because James and Sirius used to make his life miserable. Now he needed a punching bag. Remus also knew he was jealous of his and Lily's relationship. Snape saw Remus as a threat. Remus didn't hate him. He was just tired of the constant mistreatment.
"I'll leave you two alone" Remus mumbled as he was ready to leave.
But to his surprise, Lily grabbed his arm fiercely.
"Anything you have to say, you can say it in front of my friend Remus" she said to Snape.
Remus knew that they used to be best friends. But now Lily looked so hurt and betrayed tnat Remus struggled to find the care it used to exist between them.
And Remus was aware of the look of hate Snape gave him at the moment.
He took a deep breath as he was trying hard to keep it together, Remus reckoned.
"It's been months, Lily" he finally said "I've asked for forgiveness over and over again. I don't know what else to do. I find it so unfair that you insist of being away from me for one little mistake..."
Lily scoffed as she crossed her arms. But she didn't say anything else.
"You can't throw away years of friendship just for some stupid row" Snape continued. "You know that I care about you, and I know you care about me... We can make it work. Pleasee...."
Lily let out a soft sarcastic laugh. But Remus noticed how her eyes were in the burst of tears.
"Are you saying this because I am dating James?" she snapped.
It was obvious how Snape's chin tensed with the mere mention of that name.
"You know I don't like that fact"
"Why?"
"He's a bully! An arrogant arsehole that walks around school thinking he is better than everyone else" Snape roared "You know how he is! You used to hate how he is. You hated him Lily! We hated him and his stupid friends together" and he wasn't subtle with the way he looked with disgust at Remus.
Lily was nodding, probably looking at Snape for the first time, slowly realising how he truly was.
"You know all the nasty things he did to me and others. He's a bully"
"What about Mary? What about Marlene?" Lily asked "What about the rest of my friends? What about all the boys you scared away telling them we were together and I was obsessed with you?"
"Ha?" Snape asked with confusion.
"You always had something nasty to say about all my friends. Of everyone at this school" Lily answered. "You always made me rethink my relationships with others. I always thought they were agaisnt me or simply hated me. Or that I wasn't enough for them. All because you said so"
"I was only trying to make you see the truth. I was protecting you" Severus spoke but a bit unsure. Maybe he had expected Lily to give him the reason.
"Why do I always have to think what you think about people?"
"People are stupid and mean and you are too precious for them" Snape spat pursing his lips. "They will eventually take advantage of you. You are too innocent. People will hurt you, especially Potter"
Remus rolled his eyes. He wished he had the confidence to act brave and defend James. But Snape made him feel weak.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Lily asked.
"What? No..."
"Then why it has to be your decision to tell me who to hang out with or who to date" Lily said "If it were for you, you would only keep me to yourself, right?"
Severus simply shook his head, unable to find a good response.
"You know?" Lily added now with tears in her eyes "I'm so tired of you making me feel guilty all the damn time. I am happy. I have friends, and I have a boyfriend who loves me and I am finally living my teenage years and having some sort of fun. There I am having a perfect moment and suddenly I see you in the hall looking at me with such disappointment that I immediately feel like shit, like I shouldn't be doing these things, I should be there by your side, miserable and hopefull like I used to be back then. Hating everyone because I don't even give myself the chance to get to know them.... You ruin every single happy moment that I have. And I hate you for that. And I hate myself for letting you do that..." she took a deep breath "And honestly I am tired of feeling this way. I want to move on with my life without your ghost haunting me like this"
Not only Snape was surprised about Lily's words, but Remus as well. The girl had had the aura of a romantic, a girl who loved fantasy and saw the best in others. Thing that let others take advantage of her kindness. But right now, Remus wasn't seeing Lily like a girl. She was a woman. A very strong and brave woman. Remus had seen her face Sirius and his stupid behavior to defend her relationship with James. Now Remus was even prouder for the way she was defending herself. Especially from Snape, someone she had defended and justified many times before.
Maybe Snape expected the innocent girl that had been his friend before, not this fierceful woman. The bloke looked so shocked.
"The worse part is that you don't seem to want to change, Severus" Lily continued "To acknowledge your mistakes and ask for forgiveness. You keep blaming everyone else about everything so you still are the stupid victim of this mess..."
"But Potter..."
"James knows what he did wrong and he is sorry for that. He is trying to be better and that's all I need to know" Lily sighed and closed her eyes "Honestly, Severus. If you are not willing to be different, than I am getting tired of these conversations. Just leave me alone once and for all"
Lily touched Remus' shoulder to tell him she was ready to leave. He gave his friend a soft smile as they started walking away. But Snape wasn't done apparently. Lily let out a scream as the boy grabbed her arm nailing his fingers with force.
"Wait, Lily! Please let me explain. Don't leave me like this!"
"Let me go" Lily warned.
Severus didn't obey. If anything, he squeezed her arm tightly. Remus knew it was time to intervene.
"I'm not going to fucking lose you!"
"Let her go, Snape" Remus said, putting a firm hand on his chest to keep him away "You are hurting her"
What Remus felt next was a strong push that made his back hit the hard wall and he was left out of breath for a second. And Lily screamed.
"Severus!"
"SAY OUT OF THIS, YOU PIECE OF FREAK! THIS IS A CONVERSATION I'M HAVING WITH LILY. SHE WAS MY FRIEND NOW. SHE WAS MINE FIRST!!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" It was Lily who was furious now as she pushed Snape away.
What she didn't know was that Snape had done that to Remus plently of times and sometimes without a reason. Push him, shove him against the lockers, call him a disgusting freak.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??" Lily roared with fury.
Seeing her like that made Snape calm a little.
"Lily..."
He wanted to step closer but Lily stopped him.
"DON'T!"
"It's okay, Lily..." Remus tried to fix it. Because Snape was looking at him like he did when he warned him not to say anything to his friends, or else.
"Want to run and tell your stupid friends about how his pet has been mistreated? They deserve it and so do you!"
"NO! It's not okay, Remus" Lily snapped, then turned to her ex friend who had a lost puppy face now " If you dare to come near Remus again, I will end you…. DO YOU HEAR ME?” Lily snapped “I’ve lived the majority of my life, worried about what you might think, or what might hurt you. I am done! You are a disgusting piece of shit. Remus is my best friend. You stopped being it. You never were, actually. And Remus is more of a gentleman that you would ever aspire to be in your life..."
Remus didn't know if she said it to make him feel better about his dysphoria or if she genuinely believed it.
"SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL AND MOVE ON!...... WANKER!”
Lily began breathing hard, her chest going up and down at a very fast speed.
“Let’s go, Remus” Lily’s voice broke, but she extended her hand.
Remus was still in shock, so Lily had to take his hand and drag him out of there. She was pulling Remus very fast, kind of aggressively. But Remus followed. Glad to be as far away from Snape as possible.
“Lily…” Remus snorted, finding his voice again “Lily that was…”
That was when Lily stopped and she started crying, covering her face with her hands. She began sobbing.
“That was…” she cried “That was the scariest and most hard thing I’ve ever done…” she sniffed as she showed Remus her hands “Look I am shaking…” Lily was panting and very pale.
All Remus could do was hug her. As Lily cried on his shoulder, Remus stroked her hair. He tried to be as supportive and delicate as James would be.
Remus kissed Lily’s head.
“You are my best friend too” Remus said “You are actually my favorite person in the world, Lils…”
Lily chuckled in the middle of her crying. She pulled away, wiping away her tears, sniffing.
"Don't ever let him or anyone else treat you differently because of who you are, do you hear me Remus?"
In that moment Remus realized she knew about him being trans and she didn't care. She had never trated him differently. He wanted to cry as well, instead he simply nodded.
"Has he..." Lily asked unsure, wiping her tears "Has he said that to you before, Remus?"
"No" It was better to lie. Lily would get more upset or guilty. Sirius or James would lose it and do something nasty to him as revenge. Remus didn't want to cause more trouble "It was the first time he actually speaks to me" he giggled softly "He was just upset because you didn't want to hear him"
Lily gave him a shy smile. Remus loved Lily, but he hated himself for not being brave to defend her better or putting Snape on his place like probably Sirius or James would've done. Remus was still a coward.
"I'm not going to speak to him ever again" Lily shook her head "He's not the boy I thought I knew. Probably never was"
Remus understood. He nodded.
“That was amazing, though” Remus smiled at her “I am so proud of you. You're such a badass, Lils”
That made Lily give him her bright smile again and Remus' heart was warm again.
"James better be careful and never make you this angry"
"Oh shut up" she said "James would never do anything like this. He is a true gentleman"
Remus raised an eyebrow. It was new that Lily talked highly about James. But they were in love and people were starting to get accustomed to their love.
Lily giggled and Remus' chest glowed. Her happiness was contagious.