Archive of Our Own ^beta

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JANNNNNNEEEEEE
I need some tempura battered ice cream.

Not Jane try Moxie’s ice cream in wyantskill

Sry clint.
Thats two hours away

make some

V.drunk dude.

And?

…...truths.

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Why did you write 17 equations on a napkin?

Not Jane.

Why did she write 17 equations on a napkin tony? WHY.

IDK she’s jane.

She couldn’t reach any paper

Thanks FRIDAY

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Let’s drink tequila.

Who is this?

This isn’t Jane?

No, this is Steve.

Fuck. This is Darcy.
Lewis.
`Darcy Lewis.

How’d you get this number.

Tony upgraded my phone and thought it would be funny to mess with my contacts.

Well, definitely not Jane.

Want to drink Tequila?

You ask strangers this often?

Yep. So, what do you say?

Can I bring some friends?

Only if I can bring some too.

Deal. I’m guessing you are at the Tower?

Yessir

I’m in brooklyn. Where do you want to meet.

IDK. Last i heard you were banned from the tower.

Yeah. If you know Tony, and if Jane is Thor’s Jane, I’m guessing you are an alright kind of gal. You can always come here.

Thor’s coming. So is Jane.

Here’s my address. Ask Thor to bring the good stuff.

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Goddamn Barnes is a fox.

Not Jane.

FUCK. I thought I fixed all my contacts.

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Who do you think would win a wet Tshirt Contest, Barnes or Rogers?

DARCY
Rogers

What, why?

He’s has abs on his abs.

Fuck.

But barnes has sexy legs.

I’m telling thor.

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WHY DOES HE WALK AROUND WITHOUT A SHIRT

I DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, LADY DARCY, BUT I AM SURE IT IS BECAUSE IT IS FOR COMFORT.

Oh. this isn’t Jane.

SHE IS NEXT TO ME.
LADY JANE SAYS IT IS BECAUSE HE IS A TEASE.
IF THIS IS ABOUT SGT BARNES I WILL HAVE TO AGREE
COURTSHIP ON MIDGARD IS ODD

..there is no courtship Thor.

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Fml fml fml I ruined my jeans.

Not Jane.

Fuck

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Darcy Sam Bucky Natasha

Jane. I am stranded in the fucking bathroom and someone is SHOOTING THE FUCKING DINER UP.

Not Jane.
What’s your 20?

10th and 1st

Fuku is not a diner.

At Momofuku, tyvm

Please tell me you grabbed the pork buns before hiding in the toilet, Lewis.

Duh.

Seriously Right now.

Ever have them? No? STFU, get here, and i will feed them to you.

Wtf Lewis.

You too. Whomever rescues me first gets a bun.

Hurry up, gentlemen.

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I just hand fed natasha pork buns

Not Jane

Duh.

Well, congratulations.

She told me that beating barnes was the highlight of her week

She likes besting her trainer.
And teasing him.
I saw the video.
You were in that tiny blue number.
She was in leather.

Yeah, im gonna put it in the spank bank too, clint.

Barnes is too.

CLINT.

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I’m going to kill tony.

Um. Not jane?

No, this was for you, contact labled Ant Man in my phone.

Yeah I was told to reply with Not Jane if someone from this number texted me.

Wanna team up?

What can you do?

Get coffee, interpret science scribbles. Put Thor in a Tshirt, and feed scientists.

Why would you ever want to put Thor in a Tshirt?

I KNOW RIGHT?

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MY FUCKING OVARIES.

NO. DARCY NO. NO.

THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN

NOT JANE.

I RUINED MORE JEANS

STOP
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
STOP

Oh. sorry steve.

Want to drink tequila?

How about a gallon of ice cream?

My place?

You like vanilla?

Not my fave.
But it is Bucky’s.

Fuck you steve

I don’t think you’re suppose to talk to captain america like that

Fuck you steve.

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DAYYYYYUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM JANE. UNG

Not Jane.
Did Tony fuck with your contacts again?

Nope. v.drunk.

Tequila or Whiskey. I want to know what kind of Darcy to expect stumblin into the facility

Ooooh ho ho ho You think I’m not already there?

Did you put a filter on him?
How did you get to brooklyn?
WTF he doesnt make me breakfast.

He’s making ~Varză a la Cluj~
Says itll sober me up.
I think he just wants make me vomit
I hate cabbage

Yeah you can have it. ~cabbage~

Oh i will ~have it~yabbbooooyyyy

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Stop texting sam
Stop taking filtered pics of Bucky. He can hear the camera clicking.

But he’s so cute, steve

You’re drunk.

He’s still cute.

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WTF WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SHOOTING RESTAURANTS I AM IN. I AM GOING TO KILL JOHNNY STORM AND HIS DOUCHE PARADE.
IM UNDER A FUCKING TABLE JANE. UNDER A FUCKING TABLE AT FUCKING LA BERNARDIN

We’re enroute.

Fuck that was for jane. I already texted Tony.

I know, doll.
Save anything once the shots went down?

I have my Pavlova
And my date’s Apricot thingy.
I think he peed himself.

ETA two minutes

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I fed him a half smashed dessert at La Bernardin, Jane.

Didn’t you go there with…..Daryl?

Damien.
He peed his pants.

Lol. srsly?

Dead seriously. Looked scandalized when he picked me up from under the table and dusted me off.

Did you decide on the black and red flower dress?

Yeah man. It has a rip up the side now.

Bet Barnes wasn’t scandalized.

Fuck you, jane.

Can you get me a bubble tea before you come in? I have those pastries from the place near momofuku for you.

Yoooooooooooooo

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Look what we have here.
And here

Go to bed

There was a science bender this week.
Will it be weird if i saved that pic of them?

No. please do.
He already saved yours.

Ihu

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You drink Tequila?

Not Jane
That’s a stupid question

I’m outside your room. Open up.

Who even are you.
Oh you’re cute

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Winter Soldier incoming.

Why?

Darcy. Tequila. You. Alone.

Oh…. someone has a crush.
She does too.
She’s waxing poetic about his pecs.

She does that.

She seriously thinks he would win a wet tshirt contest.

Against who?

Everyone.

Even Thor?

Especially Thor.

HA.

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Ihu steve

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Jane are you kidding me right now. I walked into the diner and this was happening. Why was this happening?


Not Jane.

Oops.

Why was this happening the other night?

I WILL NOT EXPLAIN MY LOVE OF CHAMPAGNE TO YOU.
Ask Wilson. Since he was the one standing in front of you.

Put your phone down, Darcy

Nope. bc then I’d have to look you in the eye.

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He’s such a fox, Jane.
Ung.
I touched his pecs.
And his back
And his buns

JESUS STOP RIGHT THERE, TITS. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.

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Did you do the thing behind his ear that he likes?

NATASHA.

Just asking.

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Jane how is this real life?

Not Jane.
Glad it’s going well.

Thanks steve.

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I can’t wait to see you later

NOT DARCY

….sorry steve.

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Accidently sent this to steve

Ready

The things you do to me, doll
Who took that

Natasha. Shes a good bro

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You’re a good bro

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JANE CAN WE PLEASE MEET UP AND DRINK TEQUILA. THIS IS A CODE PINK AND GREEN

THIS IS THOR, LADY DARCY. JANE IS ASLEEP

….THOR THIS IS A CODE PINK AND GREEN.
HELP.

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Jane. I want to say it.

Not jane.
She’s in the lab though.

Fml. sorry bruce

Also, you should say it.

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THIS IS REAL LIFE JANE

THIS IS REAL LIFE DARCY

Oops. sorry scott
I want that in my mouth

I’m telling Barnes

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Stole your dog. Mwa hahaha

Not Clint

Sorry jane

So cute though

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Two of my fave things

...I would say this isnt jane, but why the fuck do you have my dog?

What chu gonna do?

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Yeah what you going to do?

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We are on an op

……….that doesn’t seem very undercover

This does though

WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT

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I HAVEN’T RUINED MY JEANS YET

Go you. Also not jane.

Thanks tony.

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Jane.

Darcy.

I didn’t have my lady times for 2 months.

Uh oh.,...

I just ruined my favorite pair of jeans.

Congrats.

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MY UTERUS

…..I am sitting right next to you

That was for jane

I know. ;)
Want me to take care of it for you?

Yes.

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He sexes the cramps out of me jane.

He also makes you coffee every morning

I know Jane. I KNOW

You say it yet

I’ve known and i want to.

You don’t need to wait for the perfect time so stop over thinking it because we all know you have been

Wtf jane

What. Bruce is a gossip

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She Said It.
Steve. I said It Back.

Not Steve.

Sorry Jane

I’m happy for you though

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How’d I get so lucky, Steve

Are you at Bartons farm?

Picking his pig up at the vets

...a pig?

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He’s her new favourite avenger isn’t he?

YUP
Also I got your pig!

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I love you

I love you too

Sorry Tony

you don't love me?

debatable

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Don't listen to Tony
I don't love him as much as I love you

Not Bucky

Fuck. But I love you too, Janey

I know. xoxoxoxox

Do you want some pork buns?

is that a real question?

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CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE
SOME JERK SANDWICH IS MAKING IT SO I CAN'T BUY CRONUTS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
IF I SEE JOHNNY STORM I'M GOING TO PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK

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I heard you punched Johnny Storm in the dick

Yup.

DARCY SMASH

Thanks boo boo

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I love you

I love you too
I miss you

I'm bringing you whiskey cherries

Are you in spain?

Classified

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Where are you?

I'm not telling

I'm going to ask steve

I took his phone away

I'll ask Jane.

Thor doesn't have a phone

Jane says you're in Spain

Thats Classified

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Guuuuuuuuuuuh
Jane.
I wanna surprise him with like.. cute lingerie

Not Jane

Dammit.

I know he likes purple on you though
Ayyyyyyye

This is why I like you more than Tony

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What do you get a dame that doesn't like diamonds?

This is jane

Fuck. that was for steve

Darcy likes pearls

She's a classy dame.

HA

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Stole your car

If you have sex in the back seat, please don't leave your panties this time.
Pepper was not impressed

She asked we where I bought them though

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incoming!

Darcy

Darcy

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She has a 103 degree fever
and drank a bottle of nyquil

Barnes is worried

I am too

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I am distressed that you do not text me often

Girl. You know I don't mind you in my head.

I try not to go there any more after the chocolate syrup incident

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Jane Bucky is being fucking weird.

Not Jane

Why the fuck is bucky being weird steve

language

Oh so it's like that

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I love you

Not Laura...or your kids.

at least it wasn't a dick pic

But I've seen your dick before

and Laura's seen your boobs

I know that because she keeps looking at them when i visit...and not that i care... but how da faq?

Natasha is a good bro... they wouldn't share with me

Ohhhh. so thats the mild Natasha wanted to share them with

milk

milf

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PEOPLE.

LOOK WHAT BUCKY GOT ME

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Sam Steve Natasha Clint Scott

Annnnnnd Who was expecting a kitten

Not me

Yep...i thought he bought a ring

He did buy a ring

and a pregnancy test

What the frig.... -___-

I'm going to have words

Keep you language clean, Steve

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Since you're all nosy as fuck
I ruined my favorite pair of shorts this morning.
Thanks assholes

you need to start tracking that

Natasha... it's never been regular

birth control?

IUD

ahhh

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Beep Beep
I've got the keys to the jeep

Not Jane

Oh shit. She's suppose to meet me for tequila shenanigans

Where is my invite?

I invited Pepper

ladies night

Yep. You still want to come along?

uh. duh

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Is that 2 months salary still relevant?

I thought you already bought a ring?

I did.. but I just don't know if it is good enough

She'd be happy with a plastic ring from a gumball machine
or a ring pop
or an onion ring

How'd I get so lucky

IDK man. probably god making up for 70 years of shit

Thanks sam.

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They are so happy together it makes me want to smile, Bruce

Not bruce

oops

Bruce likes your smile

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Jane!!!!

Not Jane
Fucking finally
He spend more money on the ring or your nails?

Probably my nails :) :) :)
Don't open your big mouth, Clint

Too late
Laura is really happy for you

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I'm scared

You said you'd be fine

Natasha said you'd be fine

You're still not awake

Wanda told me you're thinking about me

I wish you'd wake up

Lucky was here today visiting you. Cupcake Von Fluffington doesn't like to leave your medical room

Vision said he felt you trying to wake up but don't push it

I hope my chatter about Jane's research and you know.. the wedding.. and like.. how much I miss your arms around me and my tears havent bored you. Wanda says you can hear us and its been helping you

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Cookie, I'd like nothing more to wrap my arms around you right now
I'm sorry I scared you
Steve and Sam talked about you punching Johnny storm in the dick again
You're too good for me

I love you

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So who is going to make sure Jane is going to eat now that Darcy has literally locked herself in Barnes' quarters for the oooh... next year

Clint.....this is.... actually a very valid question

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Jane
Why is Johnny Storm fighting a slime-borg outside of Kat's delicatessen?

Seriously? Again?
Also not Jane

I have a pastrami sandwich?

save me half

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I'm dying

It's a natural monthly thing
Jane would be glad to know that your uterus is still working correctly
would a photo of Bucky help?

His dick would

......I could probably arrange a photo of that

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Wanda told me to send this

THIS IS NOT DARCY BUCKY SO DO NOT SEND WHATEVER YOURE ABOUT TO SEND

Well, I'm glad I'm a slow texter

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BBBBBUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSS

Not Darcy

Oh. Hello, Bucky.
You have a nice butt.
I'm looking at all of the butts.

Is Darcy with you?

Yes.

Why didn't you just tell her this

inside joke?
She still thinks you'd win a wet tshirt contest against thor

LOL YEAH RIGHT

THATS WHAT I SAID

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She loves you

Natasha.. You are kind of a creep
Darcy's words not mine

she already knew this

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Do you think your mom would have liked me?

She would have been happy Bucky was happy

Eeep. Sorry steve.

but yes, she'd see your big heart and they way you cared for her boy and would ignore your profanity because you have that timeless love she liked to read about in her down time

You're not just saying that?

No. Not only her, but his sisters would have looked up to you. You're a strong passionate woman

Thanks

And they would all laugh because bucky found the one skirt who can't dance

Seriously steve?

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Why do they have my dog???

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Got your dog!

Not Clint.. but omg. Cupcake Von Fluffington and Pizza dog !!!!!!! mwaaaa

Oops, sorry Jane

Are we getting dinner?

Already grabbed Thai

Yay!

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Will you take me to dance classes?

Not Bucky

I know.

And why are you asking me

I want to surprise him

Natasha wants to go too

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Jane. Why the friggin crap does this keep happening.

You already texted me about those weirdos attacking the village

Why can't I just get chimichangas in peace, Tony?

Multiple?

Ones for Bucky but I have an extra.

Be right there

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I got you a chimichanga

Is it covered in dust and debris?

.......No?

Love you

Samsies

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I'm coming home and I'm going to lift you on the counter

As lovely as that sounds, Thor will probably be a bit upset with you

Sorry jane

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Natasha you're such a creep

How the fuck do you keep stealing my dog

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Can our first dance by to String Of Pearls by Glenn Miller?
I know you'd let me swing you across the dance floor

Yes.

I also know about those dance lessons, doll

I figured

You want to practice at the Savoy?

I love you

yes

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HAHAHAHA Look at steve's two left feet

Not Bucky.. or Natasha.. or Jane...

Sorry Steve

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Why is Tony blowing this out of proportion

he's never going to have kids and wants to make up for his fathers short comings

Did you look in his head?

No, it is just obvious

wow

and Pepper loves you and is trying to convince Tony to do an adult adoption on you because you're the most likely one of us to have children

She'd pretty much be the hottest grandma ever.

correct!

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Remember to hold her hair back
she hates it when it falls into the toilet bowl

I don't even want to know how you know that, Barnes

She was part of a sorority at one point

point

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JANE I FOUND IT

Not Jane

Steve what do you think

bucks mom had one like it.. there were sleeves though. saw a picture once

so I shouldnt go try it on

the opposite actually

thanks steve

he loves you, you know

yeah i know

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Jane and I are at the French Laundry
Why the hell is Johnny Storm here.
Seriously
I'm going to punch him in the dick
After this dude stops throwing him through bring walls.
Thomas Keller doesn't look amused

Scott, you got this?

Hope and I are enroute

Oh I like Hope

Thanks Scott

NP Barnes

Jane and I saved our Pasta so we can share

Barnes youre one lucky SOB

Darcy stop texting and help me get out of here

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;) ;) ;)

Cookie, Natasha is the best bro there is.

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Stole your car!

Same rule applies, no panties in the back seat

She's with me, Stark

...........I'm telling Barnes

He's here too!

...Am I going to have to wash my upholstery?

Probably

I don't even want to know what you get up to together

Natasha is good with a video camera

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I don't know what you said to Tony but he just electrocuted himself

SWEEEEET

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Beep boop beep

Buzz?

Beep beep

Blip blop

Cambodian?

Buzz?

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Buck...We have an issue.

what kind of issue

I need you....
To grab a pair of jeans and bring them to the lab

Seriously?

Janes dodad machine splurted oil on me

Thought it was the other thing

Yeah im sick of buying peroxide

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Steve..did I want kids.
I feel like i wanted kids

You never spoke about it..and then the war happened

I think I want kids now

well, your kids will definitely be cute
Blue eyes black hair

Yeah I'll have to carry around a Sig Sauer if any punks come near my little girl

you trying to tell me something

Naw, just rather have a little girl. I remember how much trouble.I was

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You want to drink tequila

Yeah

Im at trejos tacos

When did you get to the west coast

Today.

Louis is coming

I hope he has a good story for me

fuck now dont get him started

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And this is why i stay out of your head

Oh shit. Sorry

at least you have a healthy sex life

I mean... i dont mind you in there while we are.. you know... yaboy!

Barnes is very appreciative of those heels, dont take them off.... also stop texting me

He likes it when i bend over to text

i am well aware

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I need a Pizza Dog in my life

sorry we are using him in an op

Please don't make out with bucky more than you need to...and like... send me photos

Did clint take that?

Hope and Scott

As much as i love you as a red head, i am really liking what the blond is doing for you

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Darcy
I havent.. you know lady timed

MINI MOJLNIR!

Dont open your mouth Tony not 100%

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False alarm

You pull a darcy

Yeah. :(
Want to check this new gyroscope?

yuuuuuuup

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3 MONTHS BITCHES

YYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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I can't believe you bought a whole mountain.

Anything else wouldnt be good enough for my daughter, Pep

But really, the whole mountain because you wanted the lodge to yourself.

It will be an investment for Baby Barnes whenever she shows up

Youre going to be THAT grandfather.

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Jane i want to just leave New York because everyone is trying to micromanage this wedding

Not Jane, kitten

Bucky can we just leave?

pack your bags

Seriously?

I never did live through the Elvis years.

You would have loved him

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I dont know who keeps the rumor that Darcy is Pregnant alive... but can we have our wedding before i knock her up? My mother would rise from the dead if i knocked a dame up before our wedding.

Im a good catholic boy

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It's like they just ignore that Helen designed my IUD To stop super soldier swimmers.

Doll, they aint got nothin better to do than gossip and shoot guns

And train topless

even natasha?

Just that once.

I have never and will never take my top off for these animals

Thats because youre a classy dame

Your girl is putting on seamed stockings

Thanks for ruining the surprise wanda

Seriously wanda

have fun sparing with Barton

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NATASHA. THE FUCK DID BARNES SERIOUS HAVE A HARDIN ALL AFTRNOON

not natasha

Shit, sorry jane

Darcy was wearing stockings today though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Those kinky fucks
Fastest take down ever though.

go get laura to kiss your booboos better, barton

Ugh wheres thor to keep you occupied

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Look what Pepper did!

Seriously how you you keep getting my dog????

Why dont i ever get to come out and get burgers with you?

Youre eating a.damn box of chinese food right now clint!

Ok. Now i know how you feel........

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Stole your favorite civilian

Youre alive?

...that was for Fury

what the fuck phil

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Natasha took a video!

you'll have to be more specific, kitten

NOT THOSE VIDEOS. A video of out dancing.

Ive never seen a video of... me dancing

Yeah.. had they even invented the video camera when you learned how to dance.

looking good doll

Not so bad yourself, cabbage head.

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Teeeequiiiiiilaaaaaa

Settle down young padawan

Hope is a babe sandwich

yo i know right

scott is kinda cute too

..............not jane

Haha. Oops

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HAHAHAHA

JOHNNY STORM SUX

did you punch him in the dick?

Oops. Sry Natasha. That was for jane.

And no.......

Hope knocked him out

did you take video?

OF COURSE.
Uploaded it to Starks AI.

and... thats why we love Hope

And dat booty

Telling Barnes

Pft he does too

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sounds awful
Not jane

Oops.

Laura puts her hands up....

HAHAHAHAHA

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 wtf darcy

Hahahahahahahaaha

How did you get him this time, I know for a fact he isnt even in the US right now

Laura let us borrow him

wtf

Theyre so cute. Wahhhhh

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Who in their right mind introduced the two of them, Phil.

Not phil

I think it was Barton

Oh really......

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Jane, Bucky has a hot butt.

yes, the whole world knows this

Sorry natasha

bruce agrees.

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Jane. Why is everyone planning my wedding without me?

Because you and Barnes are OK with going to Vegas and getting married by Elvis

Does he even know who Elvis is?

He was an assassin on ice. Not Dead.

Do you think he would do the Elvis hip thrust for us when he gets back?

He does it for me already.

.....can you take a video?

Jane. Thor. WTF

Your fiance is a babe

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Jane. I have the video.

Not Jane.

Not in Country

...what video?

Oh shit.
Attached Video

......I want you to know that I have never been prouder than you than I have in this moment.

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Are you sending nudes again?

Not that is your business, but no.

Youve been in the bathroom for an awful long time.

I'm convincing Darcy that Barnes knows how to do the routine from Flash Dance

.....does he?

Maybe? I just want a video of it if he does

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Da fuq is with Storm and his douche armada?

Not Jane... but what is he doing now?

Is FRIDAY texting for you

She is... BUT. are you going to have to punch him in the dick again?

Nope

I have my taser tonight